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Post-Post Traumatic: The Second Time 1-2

Post Traumatic [fanfiction] NaruSasu (complete)

Post-Post Traumatic

[fanfiction] NaruSasu (in progress)

A series of “drabbles” following the events of Post Traumatic. The First Time, The Second Time, and The Last Time take place before 10 Years Later, but are a reference to a line in that fic and I think are best read after it.

10 Years Later (Naruto’s perspective, 10 years after PT) [complete]

The First Time (Sasuke’s perspective, 2 years after PT) [complete]

1-2

3-4

5-6

The Second Time (Sasuke’s perspective, 6 years after PT)

1-2 under the cut

- 1 -

“Has anyone ever told you that you are SLIGHTLY INSANE?!” Suigetsu shrieked as we raced through the marsh.

“Never,” I said.

Suigetsu guffawed behind me.

I focused on keeping us moving. We weren’t being followed, but one could never be too careful. Especially when one had just stolen a legendary and irreplaceable sword from a very dangerous man.

Not that I cared. I lived my day-to-day life knowing that I was superior to every other ninja in every possible way. I wasn’t afraid of anything.

Suigetsu seemed to brighten up as we emerged into a clearing. “Hey, Sasuke, lemme hold it.”

“No.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because I did all the work,” I said, putting us back on course. “And you called me insane for it.”

“You got into a bar fight with Mochizuki Saizo, punched him in the face, put him under a genjutsu, and stole his sword.”

“You make it sound so easy,” I said. “Oh, wait, that’s because it was.”

“You’ve gotten really cocky lately…”

I threw the sword with perfect precision at his head.

Suigetsu wasn’t bothered, catching it with sparkling eyes. “Only one more to go.”

“You’re going to steal the last of the Seven Swordsman’s swords from the rokudaime mizukage?” I asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

“I thought you would do it for me since it’s soooo easy and all.”

“What’s the benefit to me?”

“Uh, helping out your buddy Suigetsu to achieve his lifelong dream?”

“Why don’t you just ask the Mizukage to revive the Swordsmen with you?” I asked, slowing us to a walk as we reached the town.

“Because I want all of the swords,” Suigetsu whined.

I rolled my eyes.

“Well, I guess I’ll forgive you,” he said, rubbing his cheek against his new sword. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“It’s what we came here for, isn’t it?”

“No, we had a plan that involved sneaking and conniving. Then you saw Mochizuki in the bar.”

“Naruto’s still in his meeting,” I muttered.

“I don’t want to hear about Naruto!” Suigetsu said, waving the sword around.

Anyone who hadn’t already been staring was staring now.

I lit a cigarette, glancing down the street and trying to decide what to do. I could feel Naruto off in the distance at the daimyo’s residence. I wanted to be near him.

I took Suigetsu out for ramen instead.

Karin found us there, taking in the new sword strapped to Suigetsu’s back with wide eyes. “I thought you two were just doing reconnaissance.”

I tuned out while Suigetsu started retelling what had happened.

“Earth to Sasuke,” Karin said, squishing my nose with her finger.

I scowled at her. “What?”

“I asked you when we’re moving on. Probably shouldn’t stick around if Mochizuki’s gonna come after us.”

“He won’t be a problem,” I said with a shrug.

“O…kay…” she said when I didn’t continue.

“We’ll leave when Naruto comes back.”

“Oh, of course,” Suigetsu said. “Your ball and chain. Can’t make a move without him.”

My eyes sharpened on him.

Suigetsu had been making a lot of complaints about us traveling with Naruto. It wasn’t like we hadn’t been doing it for years, but lately Naruto and I had been going out of our way to match up our business trips.

“Is there a problem?” I asked.

“Uh, yeah, it’s gonna be real tough stealing the last sword from the mizukage with your butt buddy hokage tagging along.”

Karin cracked up. “You did not just call Naruto that, oh my god…”

I stared down both of them.

“You can beat on him a little, as long as you return him in useable condition,” Karin said, nodding her head towards Suigetsu.

“Excuse your face!” Suigetsu blustered.

“Get a room,” I said, getting up. I hated when people said that to me and Naruto when we were fighting, but since the people usually saying it were Karin and Suigetsu, I felt okay with my word choice.

“You get a room!” Suigetsu yelled, pointing his finger at me.

Karin sighed.

“Since we’re done with our mission, I’m going to go get drunk,” I said. “Or high,” I added thoughtfully, thinking about the nice opium den down the street.

“You sure do love getting high for someone who complains all the time about the side effects of the drugs you take,” Karin said, falling into step with me and directing us towards the bar across the street.

“Yes, it’s true,” I agreed.

“So I talked to Professor Matsuda,” she said, holding the door open for me.

“Who that?” Suigetsu asked, snaking through the door behind me.

“Researcher at the university in Kirigakure,” Karin explained.

I found us a table, sitting down and signaling the waiter.

“He agreed to let Taka use his lab for experiments,” she said, eyeballing the sword that Suigetsu was currently caressing.

“Lots of beer,” I told the waiter.

He looked confused.

“Three of whatever you’ve got on tap and a pitcher,” Karin clarified, then shooed him off. “Why don’t we check out the lab tomorrow, and then head home?”

“Yeah,” I said. “If Naruto’s ready to go.”

“Naruto, Naruto, Naruto,” Suigetsu muttered.

I kicked him under the table.

Suigetsu started carrying on, but our drinks arrived, so I didn’t care. I hadn’t been able to finish my drink at the bar we’d been at earlier, what with the epic battle.

“Cheers to a mission well done!” Karin said, and we all clinked glasses.

I was one beer in and feeling quite good about myself and life when Naruto pulled up a chair next to me.

“Hey, love,” he said, briefly touching my shoulder. “Karin, Suigetsu.”

“Naruto,” Suigetsu said, distinctly unfriendly.

“Hi, Naruto, have a nice secret meeting with the daimyo?” Karin asked. “Why don’t you tell me every last detail?”

“What secret meeting?” Naruto replied with a wink.

“Tease,” Karin said, but she was smiling.

We didn’t need Naruto as a source of information about the meeting. We had enough spies in the daimyo’s residence for that.

“Heard you got into a bar fight,” Naruto said, catching my jaw and turning my face towards him. He smoothed his thumb over my black eye, pushing chakra into it and immediately mending the bruise.

“You should see the other guy,” I said.

“I did see him,” Naruto said, taking his hand away. “Catatonic. It was like someone used Tsukuyomi on him.”

“Oh, my, who could use such a powerful jutsu?” I fake marveled.

“Who indeed?” Naruto said, squeezing my thigh absently while he took a sip of water. “Mochizuki’s been taken to prison if you were wondering.”

“Was not wondering at all,” I said. “Have a real drink.”

“I shouldn’t drink,” Naruto said, giving me the side-eye.

“You’ve finished your work, haven’t you?”

“Yes…”

“Then be a man and have a real drink.”

“I’m being peer-pressured,” Naruto complained.

Neither of us should actually be drinking. Me, because alcohol didn’t go well with psychiatric medications. Naruto, because he was getting to be a borderline alcoholic.

The borderline alcoholic thing was a joke. Usually.

“Karin, help me,” Naruto said as I poured beer into an empty glass.

“Ughh,” Suigetsu muttered.

“Quit being so jealous,” I said, kicking him again.

“Who the hell is jealous?!”

“I know you don’t like Naruto monopolizing all of our time together.”

“Who would care about something so stupid?”

“You,” Karin said, kicking him under the table.

“Why must everyone beat on me?” he whimpered, rubbing at his shin.

“Easy target,” we all chorused.

Suigetsu pouted, but stopped being a bitch for a while so we could all enjoy a well-deserved drink or five.

I liked watching everyone’s face relax as the everyday stress of our lives melted away into a pleasant blur.

We had a race back to the inn, with me on Naruto’s back and Suigetsu on Karin’s. It ended up about as well as could be expected, with all of us on the ground, arguing and laughing.

We went into the inn with a little more decorum and said our goodnights.

Naruto flopped back onto the futon, and I settled on top of him. We made out lazily for a while, Naruto half-asleep and me sloppy from being drunk.

“Hey,” Naruto said, rubbing insistently against me. “Do you want to…?”

I hesitated, feeling my cheeks darkening.

Naruto caught the look in my eye. “But maybe we should get a good night’s sleep.”

I felt ashamed.

“Baby,” he murmured, covering my face with kisses. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” I muttered. “I want to fuck.”

“Well, if it’s not happening, it’s not happening,” he said. He ran his hands up and down my back, caressing.

“I want it to happen,” I said through gritted teeth.

“You want me to blow you?” he offered.

“Do you like sucking limp dicks?” I asked irritably.

“Well, sure, if it’s yours.”

“Why do you have to be so… you…?”

“Who else am I supposed to be?”

“Go to sleep,” I said, rolling off of him and staring up at the ceiling.

“We’ll figure it out,” he said, squeezing my hand.

“We’ve already figured it out,” I said, snatching my hand away. “It’s the fucking haloperidol.”

“The alcohol doesn’t help.”

“Oh my god, you’re not helping.”

“I know,” Naruto said repentantly.

I pulled out a cigarette and lit it. The smoke felt so good burning in my lungs.

Naruto snatched the cigarette from me.

“What the hell?” I growled.

He took a drag, coughing. “This shit tastes terrible.”

“Then stop stealing drags!” I complained, taking it back.

“I figure if I smoke half of your cigarettes, you’ll only die half as fast.”

“Or, you’re so stressed out that you’re looking for any form of stress relief available.”

“Well, we haven’t had sex in months, so no stress relief there.”

“I’m going to murder you in your sleep.”

“I wasn’t saying it to be mean, I was just saying-”

“Say less.”

“You don’t have to be so moody just ’cause your wiener’s broken.”

“I’m leaving you,” I said, sitting up and throwing my wedding ring across the room.

“Hey, come on,” Naruto protested, throwing his arms around me.

I struggled to get him off me.

“Sasukeeee!”

“Narutooo,” I growled. He was fucking strong, but so was I, and I was just about out of his hold.

“Don’t leave me,” he whined, pushing his chakra into me.

I struggled a little more just to keep up pretenses before collapsing into him, feeling the warm glow of his chakra inside of me. “I hate you.”

“You’re being mean,” he complained.

“You’re making fun of my erectile dysfunction,” I hissed.

Naruto snorted.

“Die in a fire,” I muttered, pushing my chakra back into him.

It was like completing a circuit. I could feel Naruto melting into me, completely relaxed.

We could share chakra seamlessly now, even in battle. Our chakra had never meant to be separated, and just understanding that basic precept had brought our power to a whole other level.

It was also good for stress relief and intimacy.

“It’s not funny,” Naruto said, kissing my hair. “Except that it is.”

I bit his clavicle.

Naruto grunted a little, but the broken skin was already healing under my lips.

“In what way is it possibly funny?”

“Because you’re Sasuke ‘I’m So Fucking Perfect, And Also A Sex-Obsessed Maniac’ Uchiha.”

“I don’t know which part of that statement I’m going to kill you for first.”

Naruto smoothed his hand down my bicep, making it tingly. “You’re not going to kill me at all.”

“I’d like to,” I said, biting him again, harder.

Naruto hissed. “Dammit, bastard, that hurts.”

“Good.”

Naruto pulled me back down onto the futon, wrapping himself up in me.

“I’m about as far from perfect as humanly possible,” I muttered.

“Sasuke, don’t be dumb,” Naruto said, covering my neck in kisses. Each one tingled with his chakra. “You are smart and gorgeous and stronger than anyone else, and you’re married to the freaking hokage. Who, I might add, was recently voted the sexiest kage in the Daily Rag.”

“Oh, you’re right, my life is perfect,” I said, rolling my eyes. “If only I didn’t hear voices in my head, which make me have to take haloperidol, which means I can’t even muster up the sexual interest to have sex with the sexiest kage.”

“Wait, wait. You agree that I’m the sexiest kage?!” Naruto asked, perking up.

“Idiot.”

“Are we going home tomorrow?” Naruto asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “Karin just needs to take care of something first, and then we’ll go.”

“Okay,” Naruto said, kissing my cheek. “Let’s sleep. Everything’ll look brighter in the morning.”

I rolled my eyes as hard as I could before rolling onto my side.

The chakra connection fell apart with a pop.

Naruto pressed his back to mine. The connection resumed.

I slept.

- 2 -

I enjoyed my cigarette to the end, letting it burn my fingers a little before I finally stubbed it out. The best part about having Maiko for a doctor was her smoking-friendly office. I would see her for that reason and that reason only. All psychotherapy sessions were better with nicotine.

“Sasuke, stop looking at that cigarette like it’s the most attractive thing you’ve ever seen,” Naruto complained.

“But it is,” I said, thinking about lighting up another one.

“You’re more attracted to cigarettes than me,” Naruto said sulkily. “That’s why we don’t have sex anymore.”

I thought about throttling him.

Maiko just sat back in her chair with one of those, ‘girl, this is gonna be good’ looks.

“Naruto, darling, do you need to remind me of that every five seconds?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“Well, I’m horny as fuck, so yeah.”

“I hate you.”

“Don’t say that, you know it makes me feel bad.”

“I’m sorry, am I making you feel bad?”

“Yes. You are.”

“I’m so fucking sorry then.”

“Thank you for apologizing.”

I looked to Maiko for help. Surely Naruto couldn’t be such an ignoramus.

Maiko grinned.

I considered telling her that she was a terrible psychiatrist, but then I remembered that I was allowed to smoke, so I lit up a cigarette instead. “Why are you such an asshole, Naruto?”

Naruto looked startled, then sad. He shrugged. “I’d rather you be mad at me than mad at yourself.”

I looked away.

The office became stiflingly quiet.

“Well, this is awkward,” Maiko said, lighting her own cigarette,

“Take me off this stupid medication,” I said. My throat felt tight, so I spoke quietly.

“We can start weaning you off it,” Maiko said. “But everything else is okay, isn’t it? You’ve found a good balance. Do you really want to mess with it?”

“Yes,” I said, my voice cracking a little.

“We could try you on a different antipsychotic.”

“No more fucking medicine.”

I could feel Naruto twitching to reach out for me.

“Look, you’re in the driver seat, you do what you want,” Maiko said, putting her feet up on her desk. “But you came to me saying that you were seeing things. You said you were worried.”

“I haven’t had a psychotic break in almost four years,” I said, thinking back to that very strange time when I’d stopped taking my medications and run away, only to return home with a stray child. “I was just being cautious.”

“But don’t you think that being cautious and taking your meds when you need them is why you’ve stayed healthy?” Naruto interrupted.

“Don’t talk,” I said, still not looking at him. I hated him and his stupid, thoughtful ways.

“I’ve had enough of your disrespect for one day,” Naruto growled.

“What’re you gonna do, spank me?”

Maiko threw her head back, laughing.

Naruto was suddenly gripping my chin, staring me down. “I just might,” he said, snaking the cigarette from between my lips and taking a calculated drag. He didn’t even cough for once.

“I think I read that line in a Kamaboko book,” Maiko commented, still smiling.

“Yeah, that’s where I got it from,” Naruto said, giving her a dorky smile.

I shook my head.

Naruto focused his attention back on me, eyes serious. “I’d rather you be healthy than… you know. Us making whoopee.”

I turned to Maiko to confirm that he had really just said that.

She gave me a wide-eyed look.

“I miss Doc Nakano,” Naruto muttered.

“Dr. Nakano was an asshole who just wanted to make money off of me.”

“Yeah, sure, but he didn’t gang up on me with you, and that was nice.”

“We’re not ganging up on you, Naruto,” Maiko said. “We’re making fun of you.”

“What the hell is the difference?!”

“Can we talk about me?” I put in. “I want off the haloperidol. Now.”

“I’ll set up a plan to wean you off,” Maiko said.

“And how long is that going to take?”

“It’s a powerful drug.”

“Maiko.”

“I’d like to do it over a few months.”

“I want off it now.”

“You’re not a child, and you know that you can’t always get what you want. It’ll be much safer if we take you off of it gradually.”

“Fine. Whatever. Let’s start today.”

“Okay,” Maiko said. She drew up a schedule for me to reduce my dosage.

“Feeling better?” Naruto asked as we walked home.

“No, not at all.”

“Just a few more months.”

I didn’t say anything.

Naruto started talking about something else.

I slid my arm around his waist while we walked.

Home was chaos. There were kids everywhere. I was the only adult in the house, which meant if I didn’t feed all of the kids and make sure they went to bed, no one was going to.

Naruto ran off to do some ‘training’ with the kids as soon as we got home, which I knew was more fooling around than anything else. Shikamaru came over around dinner time, and the two of them disappeared into our bedroom to have a meeting. They didn’t come back down until I had all of the kids in bed and was smoking my tenth cigarette of the night.

“Thank you, baby,” Naruto said, kissing my hair when he spied the food I’d saved for him. “I’m starving.”

I watched him wolf down his food. He barely stopped to breathe.

When he was done, he moved his dishes to the sink.

I could see the tired sag in his shoulders.

“Just leave them,” I said, tugging on his arm. “I kept the bath water warm for you.”

“I can wash them now,” Naruto said, but he looked nothing but grateful when I dragged him to the bathroom.

He was in the bath for too long, and I had to go in and wake him up.

“Sorry,” he said, grinning sheepishly.

I went to brush my teeth, and when I came back to our bedroom he was dead asleep.

I tried to sleep, too, but I felt off. My mind was racing despite the fog. I ended up getting out of bed and reading down on the couch for a few hours.

Mari came out to join me when the sun had just started to peek out over the sand. She curled into my side, her own book open in front of her.

I caught Naruto watching us from the doorway and raised an eyebrow at him.

He just smiled and walked into the kitchen.

I heard the sink running as he washed the previous night’s dishes. Then he started crashing pans around, making breakfast.

The house started to come to life.

“Breakfast is ready!” Naruto called, and the hoard of kids tramped into the kitchen. “Sas’ I gotta run,” he added as I stepped in behind them. “I’ll be home super late, okay? Don’t wait up.” Then he grabbed my face between both of his hands and planted the sloppiest kiss possible on my mouth.

“Gross, you’re gonna get cooties!” one of the younger girls cried.

“She’s not wrong,” I said, touching Naruto’s cheek briefly. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, love you,” he said, moving to leave. “You kiddos be good, and maybe we can go out for ice cream this weekend.”

Some of the kids cheered, but most just watched him leave in dismay because now they were stuck with me.

I picked up the coffee that Naruto had left for me and sipped it, watching the kids quietly eat their breakfast.

I didn’t hate them. And I didn’t think that they hated me. They were just mildly terrified.

There always needed to be an adult in the house. That was Naruto’s and my agreement. We were not their parents, and the brats were free to come and go as they pleased. But we took these kids in off of the streets so that they could have a safe place to live. We wanted someone to always be there for them when they needed it, for things as simple as meal preparation and as complicated as dealing with trauma and loss.

Unfortunately, the person who was usually around was me.

I did better at home. I did better with routine. So I let my team handle most of my out-of-town business. I could run my empire from Suna just as well as from anywhere else. And I could take care of the brats while doing it.

The children’s general impression of me was that I was permanently angry, I reeked of smoke, and I could set things on fire with my mind. They weren’t so wrong.

I still took care of them. I prepared most of their meals, I did the washing and cleaning or yelled at them to do it properly themselves, and I trained anyone who was willing to brave going out into the desert with me.

Naruto was loved, and I was feared.

I wasn’t unhappy with the arrangement. I didn’t see anything wrong with being feared.

But I also didn’t mind when Mari slipped her hand in mine and grinned up at me adoringly.

I liked having her next to me, all sparkling and innocent, while I reined terror on the other kids.

If I was being honest, things were good. They weren’t perfect, but they were good.

Besides the whole sex thing.

All it took was one little piece to fall out place, and then everything was a mess.

“Why are you still up?” Naruto asked in the wee hours of the morning, crawling into bed and laying his head on my lap.

“Not tired.”

“You didn’t really sleep last night, either,” Naruto said, letting out a big yawn. “Sorry. You having nightmares?”

“No.”

“Mmkay. I’m gonna fall asleep, lovey. But you can wake me up if you mm… thing…”

He was out.

I stroked his hair for a while. He was so tired and stressed lately. But he still kept doing everything for everyone.

I slid down into the sheets with him, trying to sleep, but sleep didn’t come.

“Naruto,” I said quietly.

He didn’t even stir.

I felt beyond frustrated.

I got up and went outside. It was cold, but I didn’t care. I tried smoking a cigarette, but when that wasn’t enough I went in to get my small supply of opium. I waited for the pipe to heat up before breathing in.

I felt my body relax as I all but melted into the side of the house.

Life just seemed much better.

I finished smoking and cleaned up everything, stumbling back inside. I snuggled into Naruto, spooning him, and drifted into sleep easily.

“Were you smoking opium again?” Naruto asked me the next morning.

“It’s not illegal,” I said, squinting into the light filtering through the curtains. My head hurt.

He grasped my chin in his hand, staring into my eyes. “I don’t like it,” he said flatly.

“Too bad,” I said, knocking his hand away.

“Let’s not fight,” Naruto said. He looked worried.

“You’re the one picking a fight.”

“I repent.”

“Oh my god, do not try and kiss me with your morning breath,” I said, sticking my hand over his mouth before he could.

Naruto whined something into my hand.

I pulled it away.

“Closed-mouthed,” he said.

“No.”

He pulled me in close, and I could feel his very apparent morning wood pressing into my stomach. “Sasuke…”

I was feeling more awake.

“Spread your legs,” he said, and I did, because sex was something we always agreed on. No need for pretense when we both wanted the same thing.

Naruto’s breathing got heavy as he rocked into me.

I watched him, wanting to feel what he felt.

“Sasuke…” he said, and I could see the frustration starting to build.

“Keep going,” I murmured, grabbing hold of his bottom and keeping our pelvises crushed together.

“I can’t,” he grunted, and I could feel him getting softer.

I kissed him, tongue and all. It tasted awful, but I didn’t care. I wanted to give him something.

“Shit,” Naruto said, pulling away. “Goddammit.”

“Naruto.”

“This sucks,” he muttered, bumping his forehead into mine. “Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”

“You don’t know why you tried to have sex with me?”

“Well, yeah. I know that you don’t want to-”

“Of course I want to!” I snapped, feeling vulnerable still opened up underneath him.

“You look miserable,” Naruto said, touching my face gently. “You look like I repulse you.”

“Get off of me.”

Naruto complied, sitting up. “See?”

“You don’t see anything,” I said, shoving him.

He fell off the bed. “Owwww…”

“Why are you so pathetic…?”

“I’m not pathetic,” Naruto complained, bouncing back up and tackling me. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, smooching my cheek.

“I miss fucking,” I said, turning my face away from him.

“You’re coming off the medication.”

“What if that doesn’t work?”

“Of course it’s gonna work,” Naruto said, nuzzling my neck.

“I want to know now.”

Naruto lifted his head, trying to catch my eye. “Baby. Things have been good. You’ve really been taking care of yourself. But the past coupla months…”

“What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

“You know exactly what you’re doing.”

I let out a long breath.

Naruto sat up, pulling me with him. “You know your limits. Yeah? So if you want to drink a little and drug a little, I won’t say anything. But a little’s been turning into a lot lately. And now you’re talking about just going off a medication that pulled you back together when you were starting to go off the rails-”

“I wasn’t going off the rails,” I muttered, which was an obvious lie. Naruto had woken up one night to me sitting in the corner, having a full-blown argument with my dead father. He hadn’t said anything, just let me finish. I crawled back into bed with him, crying hysterically and in general bringing shame to the family name. He held me quietly. We went to Maiko the next day. I started taking a new antipsychotic, and the voices and the hallucinations started to fade away.

As did my sex drive.

“Do you want me home more?” Naruto asked, smoothing my hair out of my eyes.

“No,” I said. “Yes.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Stop saying that.”

“Okay, but we’re going to.”

I let him hug me, drooping my tired forehead against his shoulder.