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frostycatblr-fandom-files · 1 year ago

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Poets and Painters (Late Afternoon) - Wolffe x Reader [Mature Fic]

Warnings and Information: In desperate need of just one day to take his and his men's mind off the war, Plo Koon orders that everyone make a stop on a relatively uninhabited planet in a peaceful sector of the galaxy to… have a picnic? Just what does he have in mind? A certain flint-gray Commander is finding it hard to believe that they're just on the planet for a day of R&R in the middle of a war, so he isn't letting his guard down. Perhaps someone will help Commander Wolffe find some way to help him relax before the day is over… 2nd person POV. Reader is undescribed save for minor details like personal touches to a uniform, and has a gender-neutral alias. Allusions to canon-typical violence, mention of injury and loss [and in this segment, more explicit conversation about death and what comes after], Plo just being a dad to the 104th Battalion in the background. Swearing. Discussion of more adult themes and some lewd jokes the more the fic progresses (this is not an Explicit fic but it is Mature; Minors please DNI). Takes place on a fictional planet.

Word-count: 5,342

Everyone will look a little sun-kissed by nightfall after spending all day basking in the light of Little Archossi's nearest star. It'll be easier to notice on some members of the crew with skin different than the deeper browns commonly found among the Clones. Hopefully people found and remembered to use sun protection this morning. (Or, the medics aboard the Triumphant have a lot of bacta gel in case people come back to the cruiser looking redder than the skies over Dathomir.)

You’ve been doing your best to prevent getting sunburned, others don’t give a single kark in the galaxy. Much like this particular Clone who’s lazing in the grass, fingers interlocked and tucked around the back of his head, one leg propped up in the air on the opposite knee as he sways and bobs his foot in time with some song stuck in his head that’s popular on the Holonet these days. Maker alive, you can only hope he won’t get sunburn, given that he's a spacer. (You're pretty sure he is, anyhow, given the uniform of a naval officer.)

"I wish we had more days like this… Don't you, Arcadia?"

Those who spend much of their time in space and under artificial lighting are loving this. Sun lamps can only do so much for keeping their overall mental well-being buoyed. For all the technological advancements in the galaxy, there are some few things there are still no shortcuts for.

You certainly don't disagree, but you need to finish passing out the rest of this crate you volunteered to distribute to people on this side of the clearing. This trooper lazing about in the grass is slowing you down, so you playfully roll your eyes, and fix him with your best look to show him you're not afraid to mean business if he doesn't sit up soon. "Maybe when the war's over, soldier. C'mon, take your ration so I don't lose my momentum. Commander Wolffe wouldn't be happy to hear if anyone goes hungry today."

No, he probably won't be, the trooper agrees with a kind chuckle. He sits up and takes the ration gratefully. "First thing I'll do is have a picnic, I think. When the war is over." The troopers and crew are - technically speaking - having a picnic right now, you point out with a bemused grin, handing off another individually wrapped ration bar to his neighbor. "I mean a proper one. With food, instead of rations! Something with flavor. Not colorless and loaded with bland preservatives."

"Beige is a color." you retort.

"Karkin' ugly one, sure."

You fix him with a teasing grin this time. "Are you pulling a prank on me by pretending to be Orchid? I can actually tell the men apart from one another, you know." A careful balancing act of patience and practice, to be sure, but the time spent observing everyone pays off for moments like these grateful smiles.

"You can? Then who's that over there, slinking out of the forest just a little off to the left?"

Yes, you definitely can, you promise the Clone trooper who's decided to be cheeky with you. And- perfect! You've got just one ration pack left in the box, and he doesn't have one in his hands, as far as you can tell. "Everything okay, Comet? Have you gotten a lunch ration yet?"

"Oh good, I would've hated to miss chow. Thank you, Arcadia. And yeah, everything's good; just well-hydrated."

You toss him the last ration pack from right where you are and tuck the box against your side now that it's empty. "Better that than being dehydrated. Enjoy your lunch, Comet."

"Where's your's?" He's sweet enough to worry and ask why you don't have any food for yourself, but it's unnecessary.

"I'll get one from another crate, don't worry, Comet." you assure him with a warm smile. You'll probably see him soon enough when he joins the small assembly on the hill under the red and yellow leafed tree with Sinker, Boost and the Commander. You imagine you'll be joined by Plo Koon as well.

But will you still get to address Wolffe like an equal in front of his sergeants when it’s no longer just the two of you? Or should you play it safe and return to addressing him as commander and sir rather than risk looking, acting, overly familiar?

"All finished, Arcadia?"

"Passed off the last in the box to Comet." you explain, sitting across from Commander Wolffe rather than next to him. His brothers have taken up their places beside him, leaving you no room to join. And that's fine; you already sat side by side with Wolffe for hours.

“Then that should be everyone. Here.” Rather than ask one of his brothers, Wolffe gives you one of the rations in the box settled behind him in the shade, sheltered from the sunlight. You take it gratefully from his hand. “Thank you, sir. Hopefully these aren’t too bad.” Always a bit of a gamble, ration bars… Some are pretty soft and crumbly while others are tough and chewy. The flavor is oftentimes fairly plain at best, or rather unpleasant if you’re unlucky in your choices of supplier. But a meal’s a meal.

As you’re chewing your first bite of the ration bar thoughtfully, trying to imagine who in their right mind would willingly scarf these down were it not for a war, the Commander politely clears his throat to get your attention.

“You’re still welcome to call me Wolffe, Arcadia.”

The slight warmth in your face has nothing to do with the sun above you; it's the six eyes trained on you and your every little move as you further shuck the wrapper encasing the foodstuffs. "Sorry, I… didn't want to assume it was still okay now that it's not just the two of us." you explain, nodding hello to Sinker and Boost in kind. (They return the gesture just as politely.) But if you're still invited to address him without his rank, or a respectful term, then you certainly will. It had just been better to play it safe.

"I see…" His eyes narrow here, and for a heartbeat, you think he's almost sort of glaring you down, but you realize he's squinting and looking behind you. "What is the General doing…?"

You turn and look.

Master Plo Koon is standing at the edge of the clearing, speaking with Comet, who's pointing deep into the trees. He's making animated hand gestures, and demonstrating the size and shape of something to the Jedi. Tall, and coming to a peak. And he's not having a lot of luck with properly conveying a few other things, as evident by the long, growing pauses and the Kel Dor softly shaking his head. Finally Comet gets a better idea, and is gesturing for the General to follow him.

"Arcadia, could I use one of the pages in your sketchbook? There's something I'm trying to figure out how to explain to the General. There's something in the forest, I think."

That gets Wolffe's attention.

You carefully tear one of the pages out by the perforated edge, and pluck one of the graphite pencils from your bag for him to borrow. The words something in the forest sounded a little urgent to you, and like the Jedi, you want to understand what's going on now. Like Wolffe, you want to determine if this thing is a threat.

Comet thanks you, and begins to send the pencil shwoop!-ing against the page without a moment of hesitation. He's gotten a good look, some of the shapes looked pretty organic to him, from what he could make out. Boost chuckles, trying to lighten the growing tension when Wolffe gets to his feet, and stands beside his brother, observing.

"Yeah, they're called trees, Comet; those are pretty damn organic."

Comet shakes his head firmly, his full lips pursed together in concentration as he quickly tries to sketch down what he saw. "No, it looked different. Like a sort of… hut built around a tree. But it was really far away, so I couldn't see it clearly." When he came back from doing his business out in the woods, he meant to inform the Commander and General what he saw; but you had stopped by with food, a momentary distraction.

What Comet thinks he saw was some kind of structure from the inhabitants of Little Archossi. "Perhaps I should investigate the structure and the surrounding area, to determine what it is that Comet saw... Commander Wolffe, remain here with the battalion, and be prepared for anything." Plo Koon offers, beginning to walk where he's been directed.

Wolffe bristles at the idea of General Plo volunteering to investigate the structure alone. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea, General."

He is invited to stand down, asked to watch over his brothers and the crew once again. "Don't worry, Commander," the Kel Dor adds soothingly, laying a steady hand on the shoulder bell that bears the face of the wolf on the flint-gray armor, "I do not sense any threats or hear any warnings from the Force, for the time being."

"... very well, General." the man with the mark of a survivor agrees reluctantly.

Survivors get scars for their efforts, Arcadia. Skin-deep, scrawled in the deepest recesses of their minds… it doesn't matter. A scar is a scar. But the victims… the dead… they are lucky if they get a crude headstone in this war.

"I'll keep an eye on the men. Wait for your orders." Wolffe promises a little more firmly. And you, interrupting Boost and Sinker without intention, offer to help the Commander keep an eye on everyone this time. The look the three of you direct his way says, in a way impossible to mistake for anything else says you think you're doing this again, alone?

Somehow, we'll pass the time together.

According to the display in the upper right-hand corner of the datapad in your hand, the time is 14:30. You have another half-hour to go before it is 15:00, and have agreed with Sargeants Sinker and Boost that is when you should start to become concerned for the male Kel Dor's absence.

Jedi Master Plo Koon left to investigate the structure out in the forests of Little Archossi at 12:30 sharp, and he has not yet returned. But he has touched the comlink at least once, to inform his commander of his findings.

"The structure is a crude hut… One in desperate need of repair; time has not been kind to it in its occupant's absence. I sense it has been empty for a long, long time. I saw other, similar structures further still into the forest - I intend to investigate these as well. No trouble in the clearing still, I hope, Commander Wolffe?"

"No sir. Everything is fine." Wolffe had promised him, likely grateful that the Jedi could not see the tightness of his jaw, and the disapproving shake of his head. He still didn't (and still doesn't) like the idea of his general being so far from the safety of the clearing without company. 'Someone should have gone with him' has been uttered more than once to the three who have volunteered to split the load of monitoring the company and the edge of the surrounding forest.

"General, I-"

"Yes, Commander?"

Wolffe had shaken his head again, and changed his mind. "...I thought you would like to know Tack confirmed the blue flowers are in fact Dinocaeruleus anthos and has checked the credibility of the original findings. He and Arcadia believe it will still be best not to draw excessive attention to them."

You and Tack both had been praised and thanked for your diligent assessment and skills as a researcher respectively before the Force-wielder said he expected to return to the clearing by 15:00 at the earliest. If anything delayed him, he would be making contact once more.

The nearest star is no longer directly overhead, and the shadows are just beginning to lengthen and throw themselves further eastward. You distract yourself from your worries about the General's absence with something to read for a moment, something chosen at random. (You were "instructed" to take a break as part of some protocol (one you are partly suspect of being made up).)

You're not paying much attention to the Aurebesh on the screen, quite honestly.

You're more distracted by the Commander and his acts of quiet anxiety. Patrolling the circumference of the clearing once again, routinely stopping and watching in the direction of the dilapidated hut for any signs of the Jedi. Discreetly conferring with Sinker and Boost. And when they can convince him, he returns to either of the tallest grassy hills for a moment to stop and observe all of his men at once.

The time is now 14:35.

And your reading material is about as interesting as an instruction manual on how to polish and clean up a blaster without corroding the material or compromising its firepower. So you decide it's time to try something else from the reading material you have loaded up on the device.

It's labeled as one of the free holo-novels of the month, courtesy of the five-credits-a-standard-month subscription service that was recommended to you, a best-seller. But there's no synopsis or pitch of any kind that advertises what you'll find inside and why you should read it. It boasts a generic title (The Rush of Hyperspace) and pretty innocent cover artwork of an astro-map.

Curious, you select the best seller just as Orchid passes by behind you. The whispered words from over your shoulder chill the very blood in your veins.

"Psst, hey, Arcadia! You realize you're reading that in public, right?"

"What do you-?" your eyes flit to the very first sentence now that the screen has loaded in, and oh galaxy and all her stars. The very first sentence talks about how much this protagonist - a soldier - misses his girl, and the steering column is not the only thing he's throttling at the mere thought of her… the words 'a loud, sinful groan filling the cockpit' are practically seared into your retina.

Oh fuck, fuck, FUCK!

You've never backed out of a story so fast, nor anxiously prayed that Orchid would keep his fucking trap shut. "I had no idea, I swear."

"One of those stealthy ones?"

"I don't know, Orchid. And keep your karking voice down." you warn him, removing the free story from your suggestions so you can't make the same mistake twice or be recommended more of the same thing in the future.

"Sorry. Was only trying to warn you that your screen was visible to everyone. What you do and don't read isn't my business, just like what I read isn't yours." Orchid replies with a casual, little shrug. "I ain't gonna tell anyone, Arcadia." he promises.

Your voice comes out in a low, threatening purr as you tell him you're going to keep him to his word. "They'll find you fertilizing the rest of the flowerbed if I find out you have, Orchid."

While the threat doesn't have quite the intended effect, you're grateful that Orchid is taking you seriously, in his own way… "Hah, I suppose that'd make for a fitting end. Name myself after a flower, get turned into flower-food when I die..." He smiles, finding humor in the threat while promising again that he really won't tell anyone.

"I hope I'll make really beautiful flowers when I die."

It's a little strange, almost unnerving to you, that the possibility of dying doesn't seem to phase him. That he's making jokes about it, almost. You suddenly feel worried about him. "Orchid-"

You're stopped with a single, apologetic smile. "Sorry, sorry. I know that all sounds pretty morbid, Arcadia. But I've made my peace with it and I don't bar myself from joking about it either, really. Now, I don't want to die, of course, but I'm not really afraid to, either."

You suppose that's fair, with some internal reasoning. "I guess that makes sense. Everyone has different thoughts about the inevitable end of a lifeform's conscious existence. What it means for them, to them. What happens to us after. Or, what we hope for, like…" you add with a nod to Orchid, "making beautiful flowers from… whatever's left."

There's a partial, amused chuckle from Commander Wolffe, who's recently returned to the hill following another perimeter sweep, and has been listening to you and Orchid for the last few moments. The time is now 14:50, according to a fleeting glance at the top of your datapad. "More of your philosophical ponderings, Arcadia?" And care to explain why you threatened to bury one of his men in a flowerbed, while you're at it?

(Thank the Maker he didn't hear what sort of novel Orchid had seen you open, at least. Something so raunchy it opened right into the act of self-pleasure and cultivation within the very first paragraphs.)

"Ah, y'know me, Commander," Orchid says dismissively, taking the heat off of you to explain away the situation, "just saying the usual banthashit that makes Soapsuds threaten to wash my mouth out. Arcadia got a little more creative than that, though!"

Commander Wolffe sighs, looking both surprised and unsurprised. Yes he certainly does 'say the usual banthashit', but to turn it into a discussion about death and what comes after, that's an unusual thing to follow up with. (Usually it's more lectures about discipline and reading the room.)

"Well, Arcadia has a knack for that."

Strange how only this morning, you and the commander were little more than perfect strangers, and by midday, you were calling the other by name in private. And now, here in the early afternoon, you had briefly shared lunch together, and still called each other by name, only now permitted - promised, even - to do so in the presence of others.

"Oh yeah, I saw the art," Orchid replies with a strangely wolfish grin, "good stuff. Looked like worship."

The words "The fuck do you mean by that?" find themselves clawing out of your throat before you stop and consider the tone, the snappy weight of them. Trying to cover your self-perceived blunder, you're now laughing nervously, tugging a hand through your hair in a harsh movement. "Maker alive there's something really weird about this planet, everyone's saying all this sage shit and acting so damn… strangely today!"

You've fooled Orchid. But you haven't fooled his commanding officer. Not entirely.

"Oh I just meant-"

"I would agree, Arcadia…" Wolffe begins with a thoughtful look as he regards a chrono for the time - now squarely 14:55 - and chews over something on his mind before speaking with brevity, "Today has been anything but normal. Strange planet. Strange plants and animals…" Strange lack of communication from his General, you figure he must want to say. This is a little out of character for the Force-wielder to behave in some of the ways he has today; by and large delaying the 104th battalion for most of a full day that could otherwise be spent traveling just for a day in the sun.

All for what? has been asked, secretly, over and over. By yourself. By the flint-gray Commander, of course. By Sinker and Boost, too.

Why are we here on Little Archossi? Where is Plo Koon?

And how will you keep a newly forged friendship of sorts from fizzling out after today? … Are you even friends? Have you misread your interactions of the day so far, believing there's something special? With you, for you?

You're not special.

You're just Arcadia.

Taking note of your silence, or perhaps a troubled expression, Orchid asks you what's wrong. "You look deep in thought. Something on your mind?"

"Just hoping General Plo returns or contacts us at 15:00 when he said we should likely hear from him." you offer after a shrug. It's true enough at least. Unless he's run into trouble, or has been delayed, there should be little reason that you would not see the Jedi as he concludes his search of the area beyond the decaying structure.

"Same here," Orchid replies, nodding to his Commander in a more respectful manner than he would when talking to Suds, "you too, I reckon, sir?" The singular, short exhale is Orchid's answer. "Oh, right, stupid question; of course you are, Commander." he offers almost apologetically, face darkening with embarrassment.

"I had to watch, helpless, inside that damaged escape pod, as my General and my brothers fought off those battle droids who were killing the survivors… Desperately trying to keep that distress beacon active, all because he had the hope someone would come for us."

You had finished adding some of the deep blue to the fluffy black curls of his hair that served as the highlights while Wolffe recounted for you, in more detail than what had been supplied by Tack, the Battle of Abregado.

And the way he was telling you, it seemed to suggest something to you. Something you could only guess at.

"Well… given that you're sitting here next to me, telling me this story, obviously General Plo was right. Did you…?" The words "not fully believe that at the time?" hang in the air between you, unspoken. He'll know. Smart and capable man that he is, the seasoned leader of the 104th battalion will figure you out.

"I wasn't sure." Wolffe admits with a grim expression, ripping up blades of grass by the fistful the longer he talks. "We were promised, pledged to, that we were not expendable to General Plo. Now perhaps General Skywalker and Commander Tano still would have come to scout the wreckage even if it wasn't for General Plo, because they seem to truly care for their men from the look of things… But we had no way of knowing at the time, for sure."

A tender hand is laid on his crossed leg, just for a moment, a silent offer of comfort for him.

He takes a deep breath before speaking in a hushed voice. "Given that I am sitting here, next to you as you said, Arcadia… ultimately, the General was right."

"I'm glad he was." you whisper back, just louder than the slow, smooth sweep of the coloring pencils in your hand against the page.

Stirring up such emotions to the surface will take a toll on him the longer you draw out the conversation, so you were sure to move on to something else. Something innocuous, something ordinary.

Does he ever play games to pass the time?

The chrono has barely ticked over to 15:00 when the Commander's comlink trills. A sound famous for being rather startling at times is for once one of the most wonderful sounds in all the galaxy: it promises that the Kel Dor is safe.

"There are more dwellings further from the decaying structure that Comet saw from the clearing. I believe I found one of the settlements, but I will be returning to the battalion instead of making contact."

"Why is that, General?" Commander Wolffe wonders, brow furrowed with confusion.

"I believe the inhabitants of Little Archossi are nocturnal… and should I wake them simply trying to make contact, I'm afraid I would appear to them as a threat instead." the Jedi explains haltingly, voice sort of rumbling down the mic and audio sensors. You wonder, with how cautious his tone is, if he is near the settlement right now as he speaks. "I will be back shortly… and will explain in more detail."

"Understood, sir." Commander Wolffe dismisses himself from the communication, just short of breathing a sigh of relief. The General is safe and will return in a timely manner, then. He can allow himself to loosen his guard.

Orchid is a little more crude in his relief as he thanks the Maker before excusing himself. Being soldiers, you rationalize that their language is going to be more colorful than most peoples', but Orchid… he's something else.

"How the fuck do you even spell that?" you wonder to yourself with a shake of your head, "And where does he find all these words?"

"It's best you don't ask." Wolffe cautions you. "Only inspires him to find more." The look he supplies you with suggests more than just speaking from experience. Don't encourage him. I don't need more headaches on the day we're meant to be relaxing, apparently.

"I'll be sure not to." you promise with a soft laugh and a teasing smile. "Best not to invite trouble in the General's absence."

Best not to invite trouble, or give the impression of it, at every available opportunity.

Wolffe, still as a sentinel beside you, greets the Kel Dor as he extracts himself from the forest and reenters the clearing. "Welcome back General."

You imagine you're being regarded with a great deal of confusion, an unexpected sight beside the Clone Commander. "...Arcadia, is something the matter?" To be greeted by his men is one thing, a normal and familiar occurrence, but this time one of the crew is present. Has something happened in his absence? Given your talents in risk assessment, have you found anything that would be a cause for concern?

"Just keeping him company," you explain, indicating Commander Wolffe beside you with a little gesture of your free hand, "while I sketch one of the Dinocaeruleus anthos flowers. For Tack." You felt you'd rested your wrist long enough when you made the offer to the researcher Clone, concerned for the device when he complained it was growing hot after hours without end in direct sunlight.

Offering to draw this strange little flower with blue silky petals, as accurately as you could to the best of your abilities, once again made for a pleasant distraction for the one-oh-fourth's battle-hardened leader. (He'll actually stay put so long as you're working on something, it appears.)

"That's very kind of you, Arcadia." Plo compliments you deservedly. "Making Tack a botanical illustration to reference at a future opportunity… Most helpful."

"Feeling rather spoiled." Tack chuckles agreeably. "An Arcadia artwork of my very own."

Stifling a sigh for the time being, you instead laugh softly and opt for teasing him in return. "Consider yourself lucky that I was bored and wanted to kill some time while waiting for General Plo to return. Can't expect these every time, Tack."

"Oh, I would never," Tack promises, "that'd be pretty karkin' entitled of me…" Swallowing his sudden nervousness, Tack recomposed himself after a beat. "It's good to see you've returned safely, General Plo."

The Kel Dor before the three of you dips his head in a gesture of polite agreement, mirroring the relief felt by the collective trio with gratitude of his own from the way his shoulders slacken ever so gently, and the time he takes to answer. "Thank you, Commander Wolffe and young Tack, both. I am relieved that no trouble found you all while I was away, and that I was able to return safely as well."

You don't need the use of the Force to sense the budding concern within the men to your left and right. "Oh? Did you run into trouble, General?" you ask, verbalizing the wonder shared by all.

With a simple shake, whatever fears swelling within you are abated, for the moment. "Not the sort you assume, no. There was something nearly troubling about the settlement when I came upon it; the stillness was unexpected. I presumed the inhabitants would be going about their lives up to my approach, expecting them to flee or fight if I made myself known, should I have made contact… But there was nothing. The entire place was still, deep in slumber."

And waking them up would have been unwise, Wolffe paraphrases the relayed message sent in earlier, connecting all pieces of the explanation. "Came back to avoid giving the impression of a threat in the event they found you."

General Plo nods before further adding he also sensed a strange presence in the Force in the settlement; he wants to wait closer to nightfall to potentially return, rather than leave. "I understand you must have your concerns, all of you… Especially yours, young Tack. But there was something strange… a flutter in the Force in that settlement that I cannot ignore."

His mere acknowledgement of the concern is a slight comfort for the moment. But why had Tack in particular been singled out? He had reacted the least between Commander Wolffe and yourself to the addressal of strange presences and the notion to remain on Little Archossi as night fell, rather than leave before the full setting of the sun as was originally planned.

The tight squeeze of the Commander's jaw had you concerned for the eventual ache to come following such an action; not to mention the sort of subconscious, nonverbal signals commonly associated with it were not entirely positive. Subtle insights to Wolffe's way of thinking.

The General wants to stay here past dark, now? A flutter in the Force could be anything, mean anything, or worse yet, nothing. Is the Force known for playing tricks on those it bestows its blessings, could this be a test? (But why would the General be tested here, now, on this likely uncharted planet untouched by war?)

Tack had given no such signs on the other hand, apart from now with the stammer in his voice. "G-General, I'm not certain what you mean…?"

Later, Plo Koon promises, he'll likely take the time to explain how he sensed the worries Tack has about this situation; for now, it appears he's getting a feel for the opinions of his commanding officer, Wolffe, and a member of the crew with training in risk analysis, you, first. "Are there any reasons you believe we need to consider that sway in favor of leaving before nightfall?"

Someone, between the two of you, gives a long-suffering sigh first.

"The safety of the Clones, and crew, sir." Short, to-the-point, and continual in his concern for his brothers, Commander Wolffe makes a rather obvious and deliberate point to communicate his reasoning.

And you did not miss the way his eyes, the brilliant silver and the rich vandyke, had raked you from head to toe as 'and crew' parted his lips. It wasn't a simple glance, or meeting your eye, but he eyed you up and down. (Why? Why had he done that?)

Since Wolffe has expressed concern for Master Plo's forces so succinctly, you opt to voice your concerns stirred up by the Kel Dor's observations he's reported back with.

"I'm not wild about the idea of looking like a threat to the people living on Little Archossi… There are so many of us. We had no real way of making contact before taking the gunships here this morning, and… I hate to make assumptions, but I have concerns we could vastly outnumber the inhabitants of the settlement and not know it. If I were them… I think I would be concerned about so many people suddenly showing up on my planet by the time I've woken up."

Two sides of the same credit, you and Commander Wolffe. In the end, the concern of overall safety, and the concern of appearing safe have been taken into account.

If he explains his findings to everyone else in the clearing, Plo Koon thinks inviting everyone to decide for themselves is the best option. It is officially the start of the late afternoon here on Little Archossi, and there is still time to plan for an encounter.

Those who wish to return to the Triumphant will leave before the sun begins to set.

With the will of the Force, and a healthy dosage of luck, any potential large-scale interaction between the soldiers of the Republic and the people on this forested planet will go off without a hitch.

Don't have a fic taglist form for the time being. For now, though, if you'd like to join a taglist for specific types of fics (for example: just TBB-centric or just TCW-centric (or both)) don't hesitate to ask. 🩷

[Masterlist]

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 9 months ago

Text

Rose Reads Love In The Big City

Part III

After part two I’d been thinking a lot about the way this book is written and why I felt at times so disconnected emotionally from Young. The way he wrote in the first person usually has the opposite effect but for some reason I always felt like Young was telling this story from such a distant place, emotionally, that I couldn’t trust it. Not that he was lying but he was giving a very curated version of events. Because it all felt so cold, so detached.

This all changed in part 3.

“I had wanted too much”

This sentence hit me so hard. It was so honest and not followed by the usual self deprecating joke that I was so used to reading. By the time I got to this sentence my feelings for Young had changed. I felt less detached and more invested in his life and this love story. This part is less nuanced and to me it reads more honest. There’s less embellishment of events and more straight forward telling of events.

The beginning of this chapter reads a lot like the previous sections, the part where he meets goes to meet Jaehee and in the club, he still writes in that same type of quick witted comments and self deprecating humour.

But when he starts describing meeting Gyu-ho, it changes. It becomes less self referential and more about the we. And for me it read as much more hopeful, for lack of a better word. Although that’s was how I felt reading it. I felt hopeful for him. Even with the appearance of Kylie, it never felt as if “she” was given the same weight as Gyu-ho.

I found the naming very interesting. When we usually name things, we’re giving them more importance. For example, I’m not a plant person but I’ve had them in my house over the years. And it wasn’t until someone gave me an orchid, which I love, that I thought of naming it. She’s called Bela btw. Because this one was different, I care for it in a way I never cared for any plants in my house before. So she deserved a name. And yet, for Young that wasn’t why. It wasn’t to add something, but to remove something. Cause he likes the name Kylie, so naturally it’s less scary and so less important. So Kylie was just another part of him, an inconvenient but not that important part.

“Compared to all the other stuff life hits you with”. And to most people, Kylie would be “the other stuff”. The bigger stuff that you can use to compare to whatever it is you have. Like when you get sick and find out it’s not that serious. At least it’s not “insert scary diagnoses here”. So the way he downplays this made me really scared for him. But there was Gyu-ho and that made less worried somehow.

I was enamored by this romance. Because it read real, not perfect, but beautiful. In contrast with his previous relationship, this one was told with softer words and filled with mundane moments that didn’t need defending, as he so often did with Hyung. There was less self deprecation because he was happier. Even Seoul was “so beautiful all of a sudden”.

“I had wanted too much. I’d already been given so much in the past three years. When you try to have too much, you’re bound to stumble at some point.”

And that’s why this sentence broke me. Because like Young, I dared to hope. I wanted happiness for him in this moment. With this person.

But I also recognize this feeling of even when you’re used to expecting the worst, there are moments that make us forget about that for a while. We let ourselves get swept away by happy moments and “normalcy”. And so when the next thing comes, it hits a bit harder but at the same time it’s expected.

Cause even if for a moment he dared to expect more, he doesn’t believe he deserves it. The shame and self loathing are just under the surface waiting for the time to come back up and take control again.

Once again thanks to @twig-tea💜

#litbc book club #love in the big city #korean bl #rose reads

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vulpinesaint · 3 months ago

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orchid abelia daffodil <3

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

MAN this is a hard question. mostly because i have such opinions about music i always think that there is something technically or lyrically or melodically that could be done better. if i had to think of one that i think did a good job on all aspects of the song it would probably be a hozier song... talk, maybe... i find the lyrics compelling and the harmonies satisfying and the music interesting enough to keep focus while not being overly/distractingly complex. the thing about art though is that there is always something to be changed/something that could be improved by a different set of standards. i don't know if i would ever consider any song perfect but i will let you know if i think of one haha <3

abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?

boy do i!! i'm sure i have mentioned my saint sebastian medallion before but for those who do not know. i have a pendant with saint sebastian on it and i wear it every day. i am not a freak about it that much anymore (got healthier) but over fourth of july weekend i forgot it at home and i was Distraught. near tears. cause i needed it to feel safe and secure. better about it now!! shout out to saint sebastian that's my guy. i don't care if people want to call him a "basic" saint to idolize for gay people now i have ALWAYS been a freak about him independent from anyone else. and i am keeping that tendency well and alive

i also wear my ace ring (black ring on the right middle finger) most places if i can remember. it's harder to do when you have to be putting on sunscreen all the time for work...

if i remember i'll put pictures under this. if there are outfit pictures. um. you have to play a game where you look for these jewelry items. if not i got too weird about putting my face on here more and there should just be a picture of the medallion haha

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

i have two little siblings! middle child is nonbinary and then the youngest is my little brother. i spent a lot of time growing up making sure that my sibling had a safe space to be themself because i could tell that they were Like Me in that way. so i came out and was constantly having conversations with them about how it was okay for boys to be feminine. pointing out queer creators i liked online. offering to paint their nails and do their makeup. and it worked out haha! won at making a safe space. did so well at it actually that they forgot that they hadn't actually come out to me yet. we are very different in most other ways though. for one they are blonde. and they've always been very math-oriented. i was the english sibling so thematically they obviously had to be the mathematical one... my mom always said we were a little chocolate and vanilla pair :)

i am unfortunately VERY like my younger brother which is to say that we have the same negative traits and i find him intolerable to be around lmao. it's not great and i need to be the adult and get over it but when he is sixteen and Stubborn it makes me feel violent 😭 can't physically pin him to the ground anymore so. have to find something else to do besides get in arguments. last i heard he was ostensibly aromantic which is cool and like me! although he told our MOTHER and not ME. HIS OPENLY AROMANTIC OLDER SIBLING. so. betrayal for a thousand years. i don't care if he was only like seven years old and i was twelve i will never feel sorry for beating his ASS at super smash bros when we were both kids

﹟random get-to-know-me ask game !!

#ask #ask game #my face

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blackjackkent · 1 year ago

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Well, that was a hell of a night. Time to check in with the rest of our companions!

We'll go clockwise around the room, starting with Shadowheart, and I'm just gonna do conversation highlights because these turned out to be rather long chats. :D

Highlights from Shadowheart conversation:

She noticed murals in the grove that appeared to depict Shar warriors (specifically, an elite group called the Dark Justiciars) in combat. Hector gathered that she would have liked to join them, and she agrees it would have been a great honor, but it's a "distant dream," as the Justiciars haven't been active for years.

Hector said her conviction was admirable but that he would not have submitted to the loss of memory she went through in order to fulfill her mission - that he would prefer to know what he was getting himself into. She responded, "That's not a luxury open to many people, us included. I have my faith to turn to instead. You should find something of your own." Which...ouch. (It really is kind of annoying that as a monk I don't have the option to choose a deity as I would with a cleric. It's still an ostensibly religious calling, no?)

She doesn't know why the wound on her hand hurts, but hopes the meaning will be revealed to her when the time is right. She seemed rather touched when Hector asked if he could do anything to help with it, but asked only for patience when she gets struck by it.

He made a vague comment about having to stop traveling with her if she keeps secrets from him, but she called his bluff and he backed down almost immediately. They also discussed the fact that Shar worship is basically illegal in a lot of places, to which her response was (paraphrased), "Arrest me, then. Oh right, we're in the middle of nowhere and you can't."

Describing her reason for faith in Shar: "She took me in when no one else would. Without her, I wouldn't be alive. She is my Mother. She nurtures me, cares for me, loves me. Don't believe the lies the Selunites tell." Hector, as one of those Selunites, *is* inclined to believe them over her - and yet, as someone who has never known his mother, the imagery is...oddly compelling.

He prodded her for info about herself not to do with Shar or the tadpole. She told him that she likes night orchids and can't swim - and also that she can barely remember anything else of herself, as the memories of Shar's secrets were not the only ones that were suppressed.

Asked what she thinks of Hector: "I don't think I've ever had a confidante quite like you - and if I have, I can't remember them." Which...is equivocal enough that it might not be intended as a compliment, but he suspects it probably is, and it makes him feel bad for how warily he's been treating her in return.

---

Highlights from our first conversation with Wyll:

He also had the dream! (Which leads me to believe the rest of the crew did as well.) He, however, is super skeptical of it and assumes it's a trick of the parasite to encourage us to use its power more. Hector agreed, but somewhat uncertainly - it's hard to shake off the feeling of safety that came with the strange guardian, and she did calm the transformation that was threatening to overtake him.

He told Hector a bit more about his pursuit of Karlach - described her as "chaos incarnate, a devil with pure fire for a heart." However, he was reticent about who exactly his source of information about her was, describing only "a powerful friend with a keen interest in...privacy." More secrets; Hector disapproves.

He explained his life before becoming Blade of Frontiers - child of a single father, who did not want the adventurer's life for his son. But Wyll encountered a young boy in the Cloakwood who was attacked by goblins, and saved him - and it stirred in him a desire for action, to protect those who needed it, and an anger at the monsters of the world and the "so-called good gods" who let evil things happen.

He lost his eye in battle, and the stone replacement is made of bloodstone, "carved from the Galena Mountains just north of the Moonsea. A reminder that sometimes, blood must be shed and sacrifices must be made" - but he did not want to tell the full story. It's "reserved for lifetime friends and calmer days."

---

Astarion highlights:

He also had the dream, and is much more excited about it than Wyll was. He's clearly curious about the manipulative powers of the worms, and was not happy when Hector said they should be careful and avoid using them unnecessarily. Hilariously, he burst out in a bit of a sulky snit - "Is there a reason you're always such an utter drip? Do you have some sort of condition? Honestly, it's like you hate good news. Did you actually want something, or are you just here to spoil my fun?" Lmao.

The weird thing is, in spite of everything, Astarion has such an exaggerated affect that Hector finds he can't entirely dislike him, but he doesn't trust the other man's intentions and has no intention of letting him have free reign with the parasite.

Astarion claims to be a magistrate back in Baldur's Gate, which doesn't entirely track with the images we got in his head back when we first picked him up, so I am pretty sure he is lying. (Not that magistrates can't be vampires, of course, which is the one thing he definitely is.)

He doesn't know what might be waiting in Moonrise Towers, but hopes they can find answers - "if we can convince the right people to talk," he said, with a rather disquieting smirk.

---

Gale highlights:

A pretty short conversation, but the most reassuring to Hector so far as regards the dream. This was the first conversation where Hector was able to express uncertainty about whether he believed the dream guardian was to be trusted. And Gale seemed similarly inclined - "Nothing wrong with maintaining a healthy suspicion in such matters. Still, it might be wiser to keep an open mind - our visitor's promises of aid might yet bear valuable fruit."

His description of his magic-consuming condition was...less reassuring. "Think of it as...tribute. The kind a king might pay to a more powerful neighbor to avoid invasion. As long as I pay, there will be peace. But should I ever stop, along comes a war. I can assure you the battlefield would extend well beyond the borders of my body alone."

---

Lae'zel highlights:

A lot of recap here, presumably for people who haven't been paying attention the first six times she told us about the creche. Unsurprisingly, she does not trust the dream and the guardian as far as she could throw them.

They both admitted that neither has much familiarity with the other's race. Lae'zel, humorously, lashed out that Hector looks just as alien to her as she does to him, and that "that large, fleshy nose of yours looks like a mistake." Hector, wisely, did not rise to the taunting.

We got our first chance to actually take a dialogue option reflecting Hector freaking out. Lae'zel gave an entirely-too-vivid description of the actual process of illithid transformation, leading to the very Hector-apropos option Try to suppress your rising panic. She was unimpressed. "That shiver betrays your fear. Suppress it. It is useless. We must find my kind and be rid of the parasite. It's as simple as that."

#bjk plays baldur's gate 3 #hector carlisle #it's weird that only shadowheart has the option where hector can ask what she thinks of him #also weird that hector and co never got into their camp clothes this go-round except in the cutscenes

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bestiesenpai · 3 years ago

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The Language of Flowers - Toji Fushiguro

Who is ready for Toji Fushiguro fluff? This is a flower shop au + a kinda mafia au, so let’s see how it turned out, shall we? Gender neutral reader and no warnings :)

“Welcome in!” Fifteen minutes after opening your shop for the day, you got your first customer. It wasn’t uncommon for someone to come in so early, usually a senior citizen or a shop owner looking to spruce up their place with a fresh bouquet. But the person walking in as you rounded the corner didn’t look like the typical type of early morning client.

Smartly dressed in a suit with a large double breasted overcoat hanging off broad shoulders, the man that walked in had a much more serious demeanor than you were used to. Inky black hair with strands hanging in his face, a prominent scar on the edge of one lip and half-lidded eyes that seemed to stare right through you as they landed on you.

“Hello.” Even the smooth, deep timbre of his voice was out of place as he walked past tables full of bright orchids and petunias. He moved slowly, all the time in the world at his fingertips as he approached the counter.

“How can I help you today?” There was something unnerving about him but you pushed it away, gripping the edges of your apron so he wouldn’t see your hands slightly tremble.

“You make bouquets, right?” Looking over his shoulders a few times, his eyes settled on a few pictures on the wall of past arrangements. “I need one for a funeral.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Don’t be, he had it coming.” Chuckling to himself, the man tapped his chest a few times.

“O-oh.” Blinking away your shock, you gestured to the flowers on display. “Any particular flowers you’d like?”

“Lilies are funeral flowers, right? A handful of those and some glitter should be fine.” Digging in his pocket, the man pulled out a wad of cash and placed a few bills on the counter that separated you. “This should be enough.”

“This is more than enough, I can’t-” He’d put a few hundreds on the counter, all crisp and clean like they were freshly printed.

“Don’t worry about it.” Waving off your apprehension, he pushed the money closer. “Think of it as me repenting.”

“What do you need to repent for?” Slowly taking the money, you regretted asking as the man chuckled again.

“I’m the reason this funeral’s happening.”

Ten minutes later, the man - who’s name you’d learned was Toji - was walking out of the door with a fresh bouquet of white lilies. He didn’t say anything further while he was there, mainly because you hid in the back room as you worked. You could hear his dress shoes clicking against the worn hardwood as he perused the shop and every once in a while he stopped to sniff a flower.

The rest of the day went by without incident, your regular customers came in and you were able to forget about the man that had occupied the space in the early morning. Only when you emptied out the register and saw the money sitting at the bottom did you think about him, which brought a light flush to your cheeks. As intimidating as he was, you couldn’t help but find him a bit attractive.

A week and a half went by until you saw him again. It was a surprise to hear him come into the shop at the same time as last, wearing another suit with the heavy coat on his shoulders.

“Another funeral?” You asked when you saw him and your question made his lips stretch into an unexpected laugh.

“Not this time! I’m going to a wedding later.” Toji’s laugh warmed your cheeks, it was a rich sound that came straight from the barrel of his chest.

“Are you getting married?” Your eyes darted down to his ringless fingers.

“Nope, the boss’ youngest daughter found love.” Fishing a phone out of his pocket, Toji showed you a picture of a girl clearly ecstatic with her lover and a very large ring on her finger, a few men that looked like bodyguards lingering in the background.

“How precious! What’re the colors for the wedding?”

“Beats me, I’m not in it.” Shrugging his shoulders, Toji gestured to a few pink roses. “I think she likes pink, so maybe a bit of those.”

“You think or you know?” You snorted, rounding the counter and going over to the flowers. “Weddings are a really big deal, she might not like it if you clash.” Toji opened and closed his mouth like he was going to say a witty retort, but instead he bit back a sigh and nodded curtly.

“Pick whatever you like then, I just need a bouquet that goes well with a stack of cash.” Holding his coat away from him, Toji flashed a white envelope tucked inside his inner pocket, along with the tell tale handle of a gun resting in a holster to his side.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Licking your lips nervously, you fought to keep your eyes steady and not look at the gun. Turning back to the flowers, you mulled over them longer than necessary to avoid facing him. “You said she likes pink?”

Thanking you once again for your service, Toji left with a large bouquet in his hands and a congratulations card he had you write. He even promised to come back and show you pictures of the wedding and while you appreciated the returning patronage, the man before you was starting to make you quite uneasy.

“You still open?” It was five minutes to closing time and the bell above the door alerted you to another customer, the sound of the voice telling you exactly who it was.

“Toji, you really came back.” It was a bit of a shock to see him twice in one day. He was a little more disheveled, the coat on his shoulders was gone and he didn’t have a suit jacket on, with the black button up he had underneath clearly wrinkled and coming untucked at one side.

“Yeah, the wedding was in the afternoon, and I only had to stay until the newlyweds left.” Running a hand through his hair, Toji checked the watch on his wrist as he grabbed his phone. It was nearing eight and the sign on the door clearly stated you were going to close soon, so he had to make this quick.

Sliding his phone wordlessly onto the counter, he gestured toward the pictures on the screen. The wedding was massive, a lot of money had clearly been spent to give the smiling bride everything she wanted.

“Toji, she’s holding my bouquet!” Walking down the aisle, arm in arm with who you assumed was her father, the bride was carrying the bouquet that you’d made.

“Hm? Yeah, guess she is.”

“She didn’t have her own?” If you had known she would be carrying it down the aisle you would have made it more extravagant and lush.

“She did, but she liked yours so much she took it.” The statement brought a silly smile to your lips and Toji laughed to himself, swiping through more photos. Every single one had jovial people but you couldn’t ignore the men in dark suits with stern looks on their faces in the background and flanking the bride's father in a few pictures.

“Do you really need that many bodyguards at a wedding?” Looking at the bride more closely, she wasn’t recognizable to you as any celebrity or daughter of a politician.

“When you do the business we do, yeah.” Coming to the end of the pictures, Toji tucked his phone away. Giving him a curious look, you began to untie the apron around your waist. The clock hung on the wall rang eight and it was time to close up shop.

“What kind of business?” You pressed, slowly starting to turn off the lights to the shop and ushering Toji out as you walked to the front.

“Honey, I don’t think you want to know.” Standing on the sidewalk as you locked up the shop, Toji grinned as he looked over the street and saw the other small businesses closing up for the night as well.

Narrowing your eyes briefly at him, you did a once over of Toji. He was quite broad, with clearly defined muscles on every slope and curve of his body. There were a couple scars on his hands to match the one on his lip and you could see the outline of a gun tucked into his hip clear as day. It wouldn’t be that hard to guess, but did you want to take that leap?

“Well whatever it is, it’s certainly keeping me afloat.” Shrugging your shoulders, you gave the doors one last tug before putting the keys away and beginning to walk away. “It was nice seeing you, Toji.” It was nice seeing more of his body and talking to him, having his attention solely on you.

“Take care getting home, (Y/N).” Giving you a quick wave, Toji fished a cigarette out of his pocket. “I’ll see you around.” Waving back at him, the two of you went your separate ways with the heat of the day dissipating in the air and masking the light flush on both of your cheeks.

Coming to work the next day, the scent of Toji’s cologne still lingered in the air as you walked in. Putting your apron on and starting to prep for the coming day, you found yourself waiting at the fifteen minute mark to see if he would come in with another request. But the only one that came was a delivery man holding a bouquet of sunflowers.

Thanking him, you quickly snatched the card that was attached and read it.

How often does a florist get flowers? Can’t imagine it’s a lot. These are a thank you from me and the boss for that bouquet the other day, it was a big hit.

- Toji

P.S. These aren’t nearly as bright as your smile but they come close, don’t they?

A warm blush invaded your whole body as you read the last line, giggling to yourself as you reread it a few times and looked at the sunflowers. They were indeed a bright and vibrant yellow and as you transferred them to a vase, your mouth refused to let go of the large smile stretching your cheeks wide and it stayed for the whole day.

The next few days were slow, the weather had taken a drastic turn and rain pelted the streets and drowned out any potential customers. There was even the low, distant rumble of thunder rolling in as you began to close up shop one day.

“Shit, it’s really coming down.” Standing at the front door, you watched small rivers of water flow down the street. The street was empty save for the few people running past to get out of the rain. Worrying your lip, you were at a standstill. Your bus stop was only a five minute walk away, but the reality of having to wait in the rain and get your shoes utterly soaked was keeping you rooted in place.

“Maybe I can wait it out.” Mumbling to yourself, you closed the door and flicked off the open sign. There was probably some prep you could do for the following morning while you waited for the weather to hopefully ease up a little, a bouquet you could get started on a little early or plants that might need a little sprucing up.

Sweeping aimlessly, touching up a few displays, double and triple checking the incoming flower deliveries - all of it took less than thirty minutes to complete and the rain seemed to be coming down even harder now. Wandering to the backroom, you were just about to rearrange another drawer when the wind whooshed by and shook the front door in its frame.

“(Y/N)? You in there?” Except it wasn’t the wind and that was certainly Toji’s voice. He was standing at the door, cupping his face against the glass and peeking into the shop. Rushing to open it for him, he was dripping big puddles onto the floor as he came in.

“What’re you doing here?” For once he had his large overcoat on and properly buttoned up and his hair was clinging to his face with fat water droplets streaking down his skin.

“I was in the neighborhood.”

“Why?” Grabbing a few paper towels, you cast him a curious look.

“Well…” Dabbing off his face, Toji took a glance at you before closing his eyes and wiping off his hair. “Just wanted to check on the shop, ya know, make sure it was holding up in this weather.” Toji’s cheeks turned a bit rosy and he wiped at his face a little more.

“I would say it’s holding up pretty fine.” Shrugging your shoulders, there wasn’t much you could do against the weather outside.

“Great, that’s...that’s great.” Toji trailed off, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as he looked around the shop. A loud crack of thunder broke the steadily growing tension, making you jump and shuffle a bit closer to him.

“This weather is awful.” You mumbled. Your fingers just brushed against the material of his coat and you wanted to cling onto it, have Toji open it so you could snuggle close to him and drown out the sounds of outside.

“Do you have a ride home? I notice it’s a bit past closing time.” Taking a glance at his watch, Toji looks at you with a raised brow.

“No, I ride the bus. I was hoping the rain would ease up so I could leave soon.”

“The bus? You can’t take that in this weather.” Shaking his head, Toji dug around in his pockets. “Wait here, I’ll give you a ride.”

“But you-” There was no car parked outside the shop and as you followed Toji to the door you didn’t see any waiting either.

“I parked around the corner. Lock up the shop and wait for me.” Patting the door frame a few times, Toji ducked his head and ran down the street. Watching him for as long as you could, you hurriedly turned the lights off and closed the door right as a shiny silver sports car pulled up.

Running out, you practically dove into the passenger's seat as soon as the door was opened. Toji had the heat cranked up, chasing away the nipping cold air that had followed you in. It smelled even more of Toji’s cologne in here, a scent you hoped would linger far after you left the car.

“Which way home?” He asked, pulling out into the street.

“Take a right up here and then go straight.” Doing as you said, Toji fiddled with the radio and let the low sound of music fill the air along with the rain. Driving down the slick roads, Toji came to a slow stop at a red light.

“Would you have seriously taken the bus if I hadn’t shown up?” Making a face at the weather, Toji clicked his tongue when he watched you nod.

“Or I would have just slept in the backroom.” Your comment made him laugh, an abrupt bark that came from his stomach and had him leaning forward a little.

“Really? Made a pillow among those pretty flowers?”

“I’m sure they’d be quite comfortable.” Laughing as well, you looked out the window as he began to drive again. As the laughter turned to soft chuckles, you felt the urge to speak again and keep the conversation going. It was easy to talk to Toji and despite your apprehension upon first meeting him, you could see yourself becoming friends with the man.

“Well this is just great.” Coming to a grinding halt, Toji let out a soft groan and gestured to the traffic filled road ahead of him. “Did people forget how to drive in the fucking rain or something?”

“Maybe…” Leaning around in your seat, you could see the tell-tale flashing of emergency lights. “I think someone got into an accident up there, I can see an ambulance.”

“They had to choose tonight to fuck their car up?” Rolling his eyes, Toji sunk into the driver's seat, drumming his fingers against the wheel and taking a peek in the rearview mirror. “Seems like we’re stuck here, there’s too many people to turn back now.”

Turning over your shoulder, you blanched at the sight of all the cars suddenly behind you. The road you were travelling on wasn’t particularly busy to begin with but it seemed the inclimate weather had other plans.

“Guess we wait then.” Sinking down to match him, you watched the rain smatter against the windshield. The soft jazz Toji had chosen fit the atmosphere nicely and the heat coming from the vents kept any chill away from you. The longer you sat in the comfortable quiet, the more tempting it seemed to close your eyes and take a nap.

“Hey.” A hand curling around your knee and fingers digging slightly into your leg jostled you awake. Taking a sharp, sudden inhale of the cologne scented air you jolted upright and blinked away the sleep in your eyes.

“W-what?” Looking around, you had made a significant distance on the road and it seemed you were past whatever was blocking you.

“You fell asleep on me, sweetheart.” Toji chuckled, letting his hand slide from your leg and back to the steering wheel. “And I kinda need your help to get you home.”

“Right, sorry.” Quickly clearing your throat, you pointed down the street. “Uhm, at that next light you can take a right.” With just a few more turns and straightaways, you successfully guided Toji to your home without falling asleep again.

“Hurry inside, don’t want you getting soaked.” Turning to you as he put the car in park, Toji flicked his chin toward your home.

“I will.” Smiling at his concern, you gathered your things and put a hand on the door handle. Taking one last whiff of his cologne, you nodded to him. “Thank you so much Toji, I’ll see you later.”

“See you.” Waving you off, Toji stayed until he saw you go into your house and close the door, only pulling away when he was sure you were settled inside.

That night you listened to the radio station Toji had on as you took a bath to wind down from the day, curling your own hand around your knee and imagining what it’d be like to take a bath with him instead of alone.

As you walked to work the next day, avoiding big puddles and dripping eaves, it was embarrassing to admit that Toji was still on your mind. A silly crush on the scarred man was blooming in your chest and making you more and more giddy with every step.

“Special delivery!” At midday, a delivery driver waltzed into the shop with a massive bouquet, all sorts of pinks and purples and reds filling your field of vision as they approached.

“I’m sorry, are you sure you have the right place?” The arrangement looked too extravagant to be something Toji would give you on a whim.

“Are you (Y/N)?” Showing you the postage, clear as day it had your name on it.

“Oh, yes that is me.” Signing for the flowers, you struggled to hold them in your arms. The petals tickled your cheeks as you smelled them, plush against your skin and soft to the touch.

Putting them in a vase, you made sure they were prominently displayed at the counter for all to see and every so often you would stop to look at them, letting a gentle sigh of happiness leave your lips.

Another bouquet came the next day as well, just as big and beautiful as the first, and attached to it was a note.

Hope you like the flowers, (Y/N). I got called away on a business trip, so I thought I’d give you something so you wouldn’t miss me too much while I’m away.

- Toji

Tucking the note into your apron as a few customers walked in, throughout the day you took it out to reread it and look at Toji’s messy handwriting scribbled onto whatever florist shop he’d bought the notecard from.

Everyday without fail, for nine days straight, there were flowers delivered to the shop. You weren’t always there to collect them but your neighbors certainly were, gawking openly at the multitude of flowers in vases now crowding the store and threatening to push out your actual inventory.

On the final day there was a note attached to the bouquet as well, this time a dozen red roses with the thorns snipped off.

I’m coming home today, keep the shop open for me? I promise I won’t be too late.

- Toji

This note was clearly typed out, it didn’t have the familiar scratchy lines and jagged edges that you’d memorized from Toji’s previous note. Glancing at the time and looking around the shop at all the vases, none of the happiness that getting them brought you could compare to the feeling threatening to burst your chest open at knowing you’d see Toji soon.

All day you kept an eye on the clock, working faster than you ever had before just to make sure you had no customers waiting in case he came in early. Sweeping and dusting a hundred times over, you’d practically mopped a hole in the floor as you counted the seconds down until you could lock up the shop.

Locking the door and sitting eagerly at the counter, you tried to make yourself look busy. There wasn’t anything you could possibly do, no papers needed to be straightened up and there certainly wasn’t anything to clean, so you waited what felt like ages for a knock on the door.

Walking around in circles in the backroom to try and stave off the anxious energy building inside you, you jumped nearly two feet in the air when there was a loud knock at the door. Wiping your sweaty palms on your apron, you took several deep breaths before rounding the corner and laying your eyes on Toji.

“H-hi.” Opening up the door in record time, there was a harsh heat burning your face as you let him in. You could barely meet him in the eye and instead looked at his bloody knuckles as he stepped past you. “What happened to your hands?”

“Don’t worry about it, I fell on the way here.” Taking out a handkerchief, Toji wiped the blood off his hands and as you took a look at him you noticed there weren't any traces of dirt or dust on his clothes.

“Come wash your hands at the sink.” Guiding him over by the sleeve to a sink at the corner of the shop, you got a whiff of the cologne you loved so much. Watching Toji wash his hands, you were aware how close you were standing to him, pressed snugly against the counter while he lathered.

“How’ve you been, doll?” Toji let a smirk stretch his lips and he glanced at you, his own cheeks getting a bit pink.

“Good.” Looking out at the shop and all the flowers he sent, you let out a little laugh. “Really good.”

“You liked the flowers?” Turning around, Toji leaned against the edge of the sink and chuckled at the sight before him. “Looking at it all now, I think I might have gone a little overboard.”

Your arms were pressed against each other, Toji’s clearly more muscular and much larger than your own. He didn’t have an overcoat on or even a suit like he usually did, he was dressed in a pair of loose pants and a very fitted black t-shirt, one that you had to keep yourself from ogling as it clung to his body.

“You know why I sent them, don’t you?” He asked, cutting through the silence and your daydream. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out why he was sending you so many flowers but you felt too nervous to say it aloud in case you were wrong, so you only nodded.

Fiddling with his damp fingers, Toji bit his lip and grabbed onto your hand with both of his. Engulfing your hand, he squeezed it and brought it up to his chest where you could just barely feel the rapid beat of his heart.

“So, if I asked you out on a date would you say yes?” Speaking with his lips pressed against your hand, Toji peeked at you from the corner of his eye. You stood there, locked in a staring match as both of you refused to even breathe too loudly and break the tension.

“Yes, I would.” You finally spoke, nodding your head and trying to calm the shaking in your body. Breaking out into a full smile, Toji let your hands go and clutched at his chest.

“Geez, you had me fucking worried there for a moment!” Taking a few deep breaths along with shaky laughter, Toji shook his head and forced himself to calm down, square his shoulders and look at you properly. “(Y/N), will you go on a date with me tonight?”

“Yes.” Only able to meet his eye for a moment, you giggled bashfully and put a hand over your face in embarrassment. There was a moment of silence filled with only your giggles and Toji’s relieved sigh, and then he snapped his fingers and tugged on your sleeve.

“Alright, get your stuff and lock up, I’ll grab the car.” Fiddling with the keys in his pocket, Toji quirked a brow when you gave him a curious look. “What’s wrong?”

“I thought you walked? You said you fell on the way here...” Walking slowly to grab your things, you felt even more confused when Toji laughed.

“Yeah I fell and some idiot was lucky enough to catch my fist on the way down. Now let’s get going, there’s a ramen shop I wanna take you to.” Getting to the door, he leaned against the frame and waited for you to walk up before fully exiting the store.

“Toji, did you get in a fight?”

“A fight? What? No way!” Waving you off, Toji began to walk down the street to where he parked his car. “A fight implies that the other guy even stood a chance!”

“What?” You shouted back, surprised he could say something like that so casually.

“Don’t worry about it, honey, it’s all in the past.” Stopping and turning on a dime in the middle of the sidewalk, Toji gave you a grin. “(Y/N), I should get you flowers for our date, shouldn’t I?”

“I never thought I’d say this but no Toji, I don’t want flowers for our date.” Laughing at the absurdity of the question, you watched Toji pretend to think about what you said for a moment.

“Right, anyway, I’ll stop at a florist on the way.” Nodding to himself, Toji began to walk away again. “Another dozen roses sound good, maybe I’ll make ‘em pink this time.” Looking over his shoulder, Toji winked at you. “And maybe I’ll get a kiss too.”

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fluff #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #jujutsu kaisen scenarios #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen fanfic

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jrob64 · 3 years ago

Text

Happy Birthday Eve, @xsajx!

This story and banner were created as a birthday gift for my good friend @xsajx. (I’m actually posting this on the day before her birthday, since she will be gone on the actual day.) Hardly a day goes by that she doesn't make me laugh by telling stories about her clumsiness, love for all things sweet, or overall silliness, and by the typos which we blame on her autocorrect angry elf. She is my biggest cheerleader and encourager, and I'll be forever grateful for the day I decided to add her to my taglist!

Loads of thanks to my loyal beta, @hookedmom, and the ladies of the CSMM Discord for their writing sprints and feedback.

And my undying gratitude to @spartanguard for the excellent manip to turn Emma into a FedEx driver!

Summary: Killian Jones lives alone in his secluded little house in the country, and that’s just the way he likes it. When he discovers he can have even less contact with people by ordering supplies online, he jumps at the chance; but the fiery blonde FedEx driver who delivers them might make him rethink his lonely existence. A CS fic based on the music video for “The Words” by Christina Perri.

Rating: M

Words: 11,744

Also on Ao3 & ffn

*********

Lonely No More

It was a lonely existence, but one he had voluntarily chosen for himself. Killian Jones knew about loneliness, after all; had lived it most of his life. His childhood was spent living in a crowded, dirty city in England, yet even among all those people, he sought solitude. He had his brother and his ailing mother, and didn’t need or want anyone else, including his mostly absentee father, who abandoned his sons for good once his wife died.

Now, he lived in Maine with lots of open space around him. His little house wasn’t anything fancy, but it had everything he needed. He spent his days chopping wood, taking care of his garden, and nurturing the orchids he grew for the flower shop located in a nearby city. The trips he made to deliver them and to purchase necessary supplies, provided the only interaction he desired with other people.

Books were his friends. Books held no expectations and didn’t make him feel self-conscious or uncomfortable. He could lose himself in sea adventures, jungle safaris, and space travel, or learn about horticulture, cooking and shipbuilding.

Recently, he splurged and purchased internet service. The florist had suggested it as a way for him to order his supplies online, instead of having to make an extra trip into the city to buy them. He also set up an email account, so she could let him know ahead of time how many plants she required.

Today he was awaiting his first delivery of floral supplies, along with two new books he was excited to read. He had to admit that having everything coming to him was going to be much more convenient.

As he was tying up the stems on an orchid plant he would be taking to the shop the next day, he looked out the sunroom window and noticed a cloud of dust being kicked up along his lane. He quickly snipped the ends of the thin strings and moved through his house to emerge onto his back steps.

The white FedEx truck was stopped beside his old pickup and Killian descended the stairs to meet the driver. He could hear noises coming from inside the vehicle and figured the delivery man was searching for his packages in the back. While he waited, he leaned on his truck’s tailgate and dug some potting soil from beneath his fingernails, so he was startled when he heard a woman’s voice say, “Do you know how freaking hard it is to find your house?”

His eyes shot up to take in the scowling blonde who was jumping out of the truck to the ground, balancing two packages in her hands.

“Excuse me?” he asked, his voice sounding strange to his own ears.

She rolled her eyes. “I said, your house is almost impossible to find! I’ve been driving around for fifteen minutes and now I’m behind getting these deliveries made. Why don’t you have your house number on your mailbox or something?”

“I...I guess I’ve never thought of doing that.”

Her green eyes flashed. “Well, you should think about it! If you’re gonna live out here in the boonies, you could at least make it easier on delivery drivers!”

“I’ll take that into consideration.”

She nodded her head in satisfaction, then looked at the label on the top package. “You are Killian Jones, aren’t you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She glared at him. “Seriously? I’m more than likely younger than you and you’re calling me ma’am?”

“Umm…”

“Emma.”

“Pardon me?”

“Whenever you order anything, I’ll probably be the one making the delivery, so you might as well know my name; it’s Emma Swan.”

“Oh. Well, it’s nice to meet you, Emma Swan, and I’m very sorry that my house was difficult for you to find. I also apologize for causing you to be delayed.”

A smile crossed her face and Killian felt like the sun had suddenly broken through the clouds. “Thanks. I only have four more deliveries to make anyway, so it’s not that bad.”

Killian realized she was still holding his boxes. “Here, let me take those. I’m sure you need to be going.”

She handed the packages to him and gave him another smile. “Yeah, I do. Now that I know where you live, I won’t need to yell at you next time, okay?”

“I would appreciate that, lass, er um, Emma.”

“I can live with ‘lass’,” she laughed, turning to head back to the truck.

Killian stood slack jawed, wondering why her laugh had such an effect on him.

She climbed onto her seat, started the engine, and called out to him, “Will I see you soon, Killian Jones?”

“Oh, uh, y-yes. I’ll probably be ordering supplies on a regular basis.”

“Okay. Until next time!”

He shifted the packages so he could raise his arm to wave, then watched the white vehicle disappear down the long lane.

*********

Killian laid on his side in bed, staring at the book in front of him, but unable to concentrate on the words. He flopped onto his back and ran his hand over his face and through his hair. Images of flashing green eyes and blonde tresses preoccupied his thoughts and he couldn’t seem to shake them.

Perhaps it was because he had so little interaction with other people, but he never reacted to the few he did meet the way he had with Emma Swan. He knew it was absurd to be so affected by someone he met for such a brief time, but there was just something about her that captured his attention.

He folded his arms behind his head, his white T-shirt stretching across his chest as he sighed. He could still hear the pleasant sound of her laughter, as well as her melodic voice - when she wasn’t yelling at him.

Giving up on doing any reading, he closed the book and placed it on the nightstand, then switched off the lamp. When he finally managed to drift off to sleep, his dreams were filled with flowing golden hair and sparkling emerald eyes.

*********

Grocery shopping was one thing Killian despised and would put off until there was barely any food left in the house. The day he realized he could buy most of his groceries online was a happy one for him.

As he checked the cupboards and made a list of items he needed, he couldn’t help but look forward to the next day delivery guaranteed by his upgraded membership. Since FedEx was named as the preferred delivery method, he knew his excitement stemmed from more than just having his food supply replenished.

The next morning, he felt the unprecedented need to dress in his best blue checkered flannel shirt with a gray henley underneath. He set out for the back of his property to chop a bundle of firewood, stopping often to survey the vehicles passing by on the highway in the distance, hoping to catch a glimpse of the white truck with the distinctive orange and dark purple logo on the side.

After carrying the wood to his house and stacking it on the porch, Killian puttered around inside; oiling a squeaky hinge, fixing the leaky bathroom faucet, and nailing down a loose floorboard in his bedroom. In between jobs, he looked out the window, checking the lane for any approaching delivery trucks.

He heated up leftover beef stew for lunch, dipping pieces of soft, white bread into the rich broth. As he ate, he flipped through a magazine, trying to find an article of interest to help distract him from thinking about her.

By mid-afternoon, he was beginning to wonder if the delivery tracking app was wrong when it showed that his packages were supposed to be delivered that day. He was outside stacking crates in the bed of his truck and folding the green tarp he used for covering the flowers, when he saw the cloud of dust at the end of his lane. His traitorous heart began to beat faster as he spotted the FedEx truck headed his way.

Not wanting to appear too eager, he finished his task and placed the tarp in the cab of his pickup, while the delivery truck came to a stop. When he glanced up, he saw the flash of a blonde ponytail disappearing into the back storage area.

By the time he walked over to stand beside the white vehicle, Emma had emerged with two large boxes balanced on top of one another. She stepped carefully onto the ground and Killian hurried to take them from her. He had assumed they weren’t heavy since she didn’t seem to struggle carrying them, but was surprised to realize the combined weight of the two boxes was rather substantial.

“How are you today, Miss Swan?” he asked politely.

“I’m fine, Mister Jones,” she smirked. “My name is Emma, remember?”

He knew he would have been nervously scratching behind his ear if his hands were empty. As it was, he felt the heat moving up his neck. “I didn’t want to be too forward.”

“So you’re a gentleman, huh?”

“Indeed I am.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have told you my name if I didn’t want you to use it.”

Killian smiled. “Duly noted.”

“I notice you have your house number added on your mailbox now.”

“Aye, better late than never, I suppose.”

Emma laughed, which caused his heart to speed up just like the last time. “All of your other delivery drivers will appreciate it, too.’

“There are no others. You’re my one and only,” he blurted, then wished the earth would open beneath his feet to swallow him.

“That’s good to know,” Emma laughed, stepping back up into her truck. “Have a good day, Killian.”

“You too, lass. Drive carefully.”

“Yes, Dad,” she grinned, then put the truck into gear and waved.

Realizing his hands were full, instead of waving, he nodded his head and graced her with one of his rare smiles, which she returned before driving away.

He carried the packages into the house, with the smile still on his face.

*********

Usually, Killian was content when he went days on end without going into the city or having any interaction with other human beings; but as the week after the delivery of his groceries progressed, he felt restless. He found himself searching the shopping app for items which would be useful, even though they weren’t necessary.

He knew he shouldn’t spend money on frivolous purchases, but since he had more than enough savings in the bank, he didn’t really feel guilty about buying a few things. Still, his finger hovered over the ‘place order’ button for several seconds before he finally tapped it.

That evening as he soaked in his vintage, claw-footed bathtub, he started having second thoughts about what he had done. He couldn’t believe he ordered things he didn’t need just so he would get to see Emma again.

Laying his head back on the rim of the tub, he sighed deeply. He was probably reading too much into her friendliness and was sure she treated all the other people on her delivery route the same way.

He leaned forward and scooped water into his cupped hands, then splashed it over his face and through his hair. Regardless of whether or not he had done the right thing, his order would arrive tomorrow.

As he pulled the plug to drain the tub, climbed out and began to dry off, he came to the conclusion that his excitement over having Emma arrive in her FedEx truck was because of the novelty of having packages delivered to his house, instead of having to make the trip into town. Perhaps seeing her would become routine, and soon his heart wouldn’t race every time he saw the delivery truck coming up his lane.

*********

“This is getting to be a habit,” Emma remarked, hopping down out of the truck with a small package in her hand.

Killian’s fingers found the spot behind his ear which always seemed to itch when he felt awkward. “Aye. I’m sure you’d rather not have to make deliveries all the way out here.”

“I really don’t mind, Killian.”

His hand brushed against hers as he reached to take the box, and the feel of her soft skin caused a tingling sensation to travel through his fingers. He noticed she wasn’t quick to pull her hand back and he lifted his eyes to look into her face. She was wearing a soft smile that he couldn’t imagine she gave to all of her other customers.

He felt her fingers slowly glide against his as she finally let go of the package and stepped back.

“I guess I’d better be on my way,” she remarked. “Do you, uh, will you have more orders arriving soon?”

“Oh, um, I...I don’t know. Possibly. I forgot a few things when I ordered my groceries last week.”

Her smile brightened. “Great! I’ll see you before long, then. Goodbye, Killian!”

“Goodbye, Emma.”

“Don’t worry - I’ll drive carefully!” she quipped before taking off.

He shook his head at her banter and stood in the driveway, until the dust created by her vehicle had completely settled.

*********

Killian was amazed at how light his heart felt in the following days. When he made his bi-weekly trip to the flower shop to deliver his pots of orchids, the florist noticed.

“You seem to be in a good mood,” she commented. “I mean, not that you’re usually grumpy or anything, but you just seem...different.”

“Do I?” he asked. “Well, this batch of flowers is of exceptionally good quality, so perhaps that’s the reason.”

She threw him a skeptical look, but didn’t make any further comments as she wrote a check for him.

*********

Killian had become engrossed in repotting some plants and wasn’t waiting outside when Emma made a delivery the following week. By the time he glanced up to see the familiar truck sitting in his driveway, she was already striding toward the door carrying a large box.

He quickly brushed his hands off over his workbench, then rubbed them down the front of his jeans. She knocked on the door just as he reached it.

“Did you forget I was coming?” she smirked through the screen door.

“No, I was just working.”

“You work from home?”

“You could say that. I grow specialty flowers to supply a florist in the city.”

While he was talking, she was peeking in the window beside the door, which looked into his sunroom. “Oh, wow! You grow those? They’re gorgeous!”

“Would you, um, would you like to come in and see them more closely, or are you not supposed to go into your customers’ homes?”

“We’re strongly encouraged not to, mostly for our own safety, but I trust you, Killian Jones.”

A bright smile stretched across his face as he pushed the screen door open, being careful not to accidentally bump her with it. “Come on in.”

She stepped into the house, glancing around for a couple of seconds before following him into the sunroom. He took the package from her hands, laid it on a chair, then stood back as she walked around his workbench, marveling over the beauty of the orchids.

After she walked completely around it, he began telling her about some of the complexities of growing the fragile flowers. She listened attentively, hesitantly reaching out to lightly stroke her fingers over the silky petals.

When she realized she had been there for over five minutes, she declared that she had to get back to work. As she made her way to the door, he plucked one of the stray blooms off of the bench.

“Swan?” he said, causing her to stop in her tracks and look back at him.

He stepped over to her and shyly held the bloom out, then ducked his head and scratched at the back of it after she took it.

“Thank you, Killian. It’s beautiful.” She twirled the stem between her fingers and looked up at him from under her lashes. “You’re very talented.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that…”

“I do. And you’re also very sweet.”

As the tips of his ears reddened, she turned, pushed the door open and made her way to the truck. He watched through the screen to see her gently lay the flower on the dashboard before driving off.

*********

The next time the FedEx truck came rumbling up the lane, Killian was sitting on his back steps, bundled in his olive green, Sherpa lined coat, and wearing a heather blue infinity scarf around his neck. It was a Thursday towards the end of October; the last leaves were clinging to the bare branches of the trees, and a front had moved through, dropping the temperatures with the first true cold snap of Autumn.

He stood up as the truck stopped and strode over to stand beside it, waiting for Emma to emerge from the back with his latest purchase. When she did, he sensed a difference in her demeanor immediately. The slight smile she had pasted on her face wasn’t natural and didn’t reach her eyes.

As soon as she handed him the box, she mumbled, “Here you go, Killian. Have a good day,” and began to climb back into the driver’s seat.

“Emma, wait,” he called, causing her to pause before getting behind the steering wheel. “Is something wrong?”

She stood stock still for several moments and he wondered if she was warring with herself about whether to confide in him or not. He gave her time, not wanting to pressure her into saying something, but hoping she would, since something was clearly bothering her.

Finally, she turned back to face him with tears shining in her eyes. “To-today is my birthday...”

Automatically he responded, “Happy birthday, Swan!” then realized two tears had escaped the confines of her lower eyelids and were tracking down her cheeks. He carelessly tossed the package he was holding onto the open tailgate of his pickup and closed the space between them.

Acting on instinct, he reached up to brush the tears off her cheeks, and the simple gesture seemed to break the dam. A few more tears fell as Killian implored, “Emma, what is it? Tell me what’s wrong.”

After several seconds, she took a deep, shuddering breath and wiped her face with her sleeve. “I’m sorry, Killian,” she whispered in a tear-thickened voice.

“You have no reason to be sorry, lass, but perhaps you could share whatever it is that’s burdening you. Is it something to do with your birthday?”

She kept her head down, as she explained, “I just...I don’t have any family - never have - and it’s hard every time my birthday comes around, because all it does is remind me that it’s been another banner year of being alone. I wish...I wish...you know what, I’ll be okay. Forget it.”

“Making a wish is one of the traditions of birthdays, I believe,” he observed. “Please tell me your wish, Emma.”

Raising her head at last, she looked at him with a sad smile, “I wish I didn’t have to be by myself on my birthday.”

“I can help make that happen, if you’ll allow me.”

“Killian, no. I didn’t tell you this so you would feel sorry for me.”

“What I feel for you is empathy, Swan. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a bit of a recluse. I have no remaining family myself, and I haven’t gone out of my way to make any friends since moving here from England several years ago. I would be happy to keep you company on your birthday.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am. Would you feel comfortable coming here to have dinner with me?”

“Um, sure. Do you want me to bring take-out from somewhere?”

He rubbed his finger behind his ear. “I thought I might cook the meal. I’m no chef, but I can hold my own. Do you have any food allergies?”

Her smile brightened. “Umm...no, no allergies, and I’m excited to taste your cooking! Is there anything I can bring?”

“Just yourself. Shall we say seven o’clock?”

“That works for me. I should probably go, so I can finish the rest of my deliveries. Thanks so much, Killian - I’ll see you later!”

“One moment, Swan. Perhaps I should, uh, perhaps we could trade phone numbers, just in case…”

“In case you want to cancel?” she asked, trying and failing, to make it sound like a joke as her smile faltered.

“Of course not. I just thought it would be a good idea to have each other’s number. That way, if you’re running late, you can call so I won’t worry.”

“Oh, okay. Let me put my number into your phone, then you can send me a text and I’ll have yours.”

Once that was done, Emma bounced up the steps of her truck and dropped into the seat. “See you tonight!” she called as she slid the door shut, fastened her seat belt, and drove off.

He watched her go with a fond smile on his face, then hurried into the house to decide what to make for her birthday dinner.

*********

By the time Killian saw headlights coming up the lane, he was pulling dinner rolls out of the oven while the loaded potato soup simmered on the stove. He stepped out onto his back porch to see a yellow Volkswagen come to a stop, and heard the hinges screech in protest when she threw open the door to climb out. She tried to close it, but it wouldn’t shut completely, so she bumped it with her hip in a move he was sure she used on a regular basis.

Turning toward him, he could see the beaming smile on her face - quite a different countenance than she’d had earlier in the day.

“Good evening, Love,” Killian greeted. Even in the low light, he saw her brows raise at his use of the term.

“Hello again, Killian,” she returned, brushing past him as he held the door open for her. “Wow! Something smells delicious!”

He held her coat as she shrugged out of it, then hung it on a hook in the entryway. “I hope you like salad and loaded potato soup.”

“I like anything, pretty much. If I was home tonight, I would probably be having leftover pizza from last week. Potato soup sounds like heaven to me!”

They moved into the kitchen where he pulled a chair out for her at his small table, went to the stove to ladle soup into two bowls, then sprinkled shredded cheddar cheese on top. He placed them on the table where the basket of rolls and plates of salad were already waiting.

“I’m afraid I don’t have much to offer you in the way of drinks,” he apologized. “I wish I had some wine or…”

“No problem. Water is fine with me.”

He took two glasses from the cupboard, dropped some ice cubes in, then filled them with water from the faucet.

Emma was stirring her soup, inhaling deeply. “I can’t wait to try this - it smells so freaking good!” she declared.

He chuckled. “Well, dig in then, Swan,” and watched her surreptitiously as she did.

“Mmmm…” she moaned after taking her first bite. “This tastes amazing!”

Her moan sent a warm sensation through his body, and he cleared his throat before speaking so his voice wouldn’t betray the wash of longing it set off in him. “I’m, uh, I’m glad you like it.”

“Did you actually make this, or have you hidden the cans you opened somewhere?”

“No cans to hide - I made it from scratch, and I grew the vegetables for the salad in my greenhouse garden out back,” he grinned, tearing off a hunk of bread to dip into his bowl.

She watched him before doing the same. “How about the rolls? Did you make them, too?”

“Ah, now those I just warmed in the oven. I had them in my freezer.”

“Oh, you just burst my bubble, Jones. I thought you were a master chef and baker!”

“Well, I didn’t have room in the oven to make both fresh rolls and your birthday cake, so I chose to make the cake,” he smirked.

Her eyes grew wide and she laid her spoon on the table. “You...you made a cake for me?” she gasped.

He slowly nodded his head. “Aye, and I hope you like chocolate. It’s a recipe of my mum’s and it’s my favorite. I also made buttercream frosting for it.”

“I love chocolate! I can’t believe you did that!”

“Well, everyone should have a cake for their birthday, although I don’t usually bother to make one for myself.”

“Do you know what I did last year? I bought myself a cupcake and a little blue star candle and took them to my apartment. Then I stuck the candle in the cupcake, lit it, made a wish and blew it out.”

“Did your wish come true?”

She looked him in the eye. “I wished I could have someone in my life to talk to, even if it was only one person. It’s one of the reasons I started working for FedEx. I thought if I was making deliveries to different houses, I would meet people, but most of the time, they’re too busy to talk, or they don’t answer my knock, so I just leave the packages at their door. Then I started coming here and, well, I guess you could say you made my wish come true, Killian.”

He ducked his head and busied himself with stirring his soup. “You’ve done the same for me, Swan. It gets lonely out here by myself, but I have no desire to live in the city. I enjoy chatting with you when you deliver my purchases, and I, uh...I have a confession to make.”

“What’s that?”

She waited for his answer while watching his ears turning red. “I...well...I’ve been ordering things I really don’t even need, just so I can see you.”

Reaching across the table, she covered his hand with her own. “I think that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He raised his eyes. “You do?”

She nodded.

“I have another confession to make,” he admitted. She squeezed his hand to encourage him. “I, uh, I asked for your phone number because I thought perhaps I could call you in between the deliveries you make out here.”

“I’d like that, Killian. I hope you won’t mind if I call you sometimes, too?”

“That would be nice, Emma.” They shared a smile, then he observed, “Perhaps we should finish our soup before it gets cold.”

*********

After they finished their dinner, Killian carried the cake in, along with dessert plates and clean forks.

Setting the cake in front of her, he apologized, “I’m sorry I don’t have any birthday candles. I’ve never had any need for them.“

“Maybe you should order some to be delivered,” she smirked, and he laughed.

“If I did have candles, how many would be necessary?” he asked hesitantly.

“Are you trying to ask me how old I am, Jones?”

He shrugged. “Maybe?”

She giggled, causing him to grin. “I’m twenty-nine.”

He began cutting the cake into large squares, then lifted a piece out of the pan to place on one of the plates. As she watched him, she inquired, “When is your birthday, Killian?”

“In January.”

“And you’ll be…?”

“Thirty-three. I’ve got a few years on you.” He laid a fork on the plate, slid it across the table to her, then set to work plating a piece for himself.

“Less than four. That’s hardly anything,” she commented.

Once he was seated again, he looked at the beautiful woman across from him. “Even though you don’t have a candle to blow out, would you still like to make a wish, Love?”

“Okay.” She closed her eyes and concentrated, until a smile crossed her face. When her eyes blinked open again, she saw him watching her. “You know I can’t tell you what I wished for or it won’t come true.”

He reached across the table to give her fingers a squeeze. “I truly hope it does.”

They ate their cake, with Emma exclaiming over how delicious it tasted. When they finished, she tried to help him clean up, but he wouldn’t hear of it. “I’ll just clear away the leftovers, then take care of the dishes tomorrow.”

He insisted on sending some of the food home with her, giving her a generous amount of soup, three rolls, and several pieces of cake, all of which he packaged and put into a cardboard box.

“I seem to have a lot of these piling up, for some reason,” he quipped, and she rolled her eyes with a grin.

Soon all the food was squared away and the two of them stood together in the kitchen, feeling a little awkward.

“Would you, um, would you like to watch some television?” he asked.

“I should probably go home. I have to work tomorrow.”

“Oh, yes, okay. Well, I’m very happy you were able to come over tonight.”

“So am I, and I can’t thank you enough, Killian. This is the best birthday I’ve had for as long as I can remember!”

“It was my pleasure, Emma. Oh, by the way, I have a gift for you before you go.”

“You don’t have to give me anything; you already made a delicious meal and cake for me.”

He took her hand and tugged her along behind him into his sunroom. “I want to do this, Swan,” he told her, stopping in front of his work table, on which sat an orchid with pale pink blooms. He picked it up and turned to hand it to her. “Happy birthday, Love.”

“Killian, I...I can’t take this! You grow these for the florist…”

“I grow these to share with people,” he interrupted, “and I can think of nobody with whom I’d rather share this one.”

She set it back on the table and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you,” she whispered.

He returned her hug, burying his nose in her hair and inhaling her scent.

When they finally separated, he held her coat for her as she slid her arms into it, then carried the box to her car while she carefully handled the plant. They placed everything on the passenger side floor, making sure the flower was secure.

As they stood in front of the driver’s door, Killian remarked, “That’s quite the vessel you captain there, Swan.”

“It’s paid for and it gets me where I need to go.”

“Ah, of course.”

He dropped his eyes shyly, until he heard her say, “Well, I guess I should get going. Thanks again for everything, Killian.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Both of them remained still for several moments, not quite knowing how to end the evening. Finally, Killian said, “I’d, uh...I’d like to see you again, if that’s okay. I mean, besides you coming here to make deliveries. Would you be interested in going out on a proper date?”

Emma graced him with a brilliant smile. “I would like that very much.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow evening to set something up. Perhaps dinner and a movie?”

“Sounds good! I’ll look forward to it!”

Stepping forward, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, but before she could move away from him, he put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer. Looking into her moonlit eyes, he saw acceptance for what he was planning to do, and in the next moment, his lips found hers.

The kiss was gentle and sweet, and he could feel her breath quicken as his lips glided over hers. After a blissful few seconds, he reluctantly broke the kiss, licked his lips, and smiled at her.

“Goodnight, Emma. Drive safely.”

“I will. Goodnight, Killian.”

He opened the door for her, and closed it once she was settled behind the wheel with her seatbelt fastened, bumping it with his hip as he had seen her do, to make sure it was latched.

She gave him another smile and a wave as the engine rumbled to life, then turned the car around and started down the lane. Killian went back into his house, still smiling to himself, not realizing that with his kiss, he had already made Emma’s latest birthday wish come true.

*********

After spending the following day watching the clock until he knew Emma would be home, Killian was true to his word and called her. They arranged to go out the next evening to a nice, quiet, out-of-the-way diner outside the city.

Just before ending the call, he suggested wearing casual, warm clothes for the second part of their date. He thought of something to do after dinner besides a movie, but wanted to make the suggestion face-to-face with Emma, to get her honest reaction. He did ask her if she liked horror movies or if she scared easily, because he didn’t want to put her in an awkward situation during their date. She assured him that she enjoyed things that got her heart racing.

On Saturday, he made a delivery of flowers to the florist in the city, then spent a couple of hours cleaning out his pickup truck and washing it. He wished he had a more luxurious vehicle, but he knew she probably wouldn’t care, considering the car she drove.

It felt like time was moving at a snail’s pace all afternoon. He took a bath, trimmed his beard, and dressed in jeans, boots and a heavy red and black plaid flannel shirt. Then he spent some time figuring out the best route to take to her apartment, not putting his trust in his phone’s GPS, and checked his appearance several times before the clock finally showed it was time to leave.

It had been years since he last went on a date, and he hadn’t been on one at all since moving to Maine. Going out with women always made him feel awkward and anxious, so it became something he chose to forgo. Tonight, however, he surprised himself with how much he was looking forward to going out with Emma.

He pulled up to the curb in front of her apartment building almost ten minutes early, so instead of going in and knocking on her door, he sat in his truck, fidgeting and repeatedly smoothing the hair on the back of his head.

When his phone dinged with a text message, he grinned as he read it. You don’t have to sit in your truck until the exact time, you know. I’ve been ready for over an hour.

He exited the truck and looked up at the third floor, spotting her standing in one of the windows, waving at him. He grinned in return, then entered the building and took the elevator to her floor. She opened the door before he even had a chance to knock, wearing a bright, though slightly nervous, smile.

“Swan, you look...stunning,” he said sincerely, pulling a bouquet of Autumn flowers from behind his back, and causing her smile to grow wider.

“Oh, Killian! They’re gorgeous! Fall colors are my favorite! Come in so I can put these in some water.” She stepped off to the side of the doorway to usher him in, taking the bouquet from his hand and automatically bringing it up to her nose.

“Look, I haven’t killed the plant you gave me yet,” she said proudly, using her free hand to gesture toward a small table in front of the window, on which sat her birthday orchid.

“That’s good. I think if you had, it might be a new world’s record for murder of a plant!” he chuckled.

He could hear her rattling around in her small kitchen, opening and closing cupboards, followed by the sound of running water. When she emerged, she held a bright yellow plastic pitcher with the flowers inside.

“I’ve never gotten flowers before, so I don’t have a vase,” she explained, setting the pitcher on the table beside the orchid.

“You’ll need to cut the stems diagonally under running water and trim the leaves off below the water line; that makes cut flowers last a little longer,” he informed her. “There’s a little packet of plant food tucked in there to sprinkle in the water, too.”

“Should I do it right now?”

“No, it can wait until later. Are you ready to go?”

“Is this okay for what you have planned?” She swept her hand downward, indicating her dark jeans, knee-high boots, black and white striped sweater, and dark red, fleece-lined coat.

“It’s perfect. The Weather Channel says it’s only supposed to get down into the low fifties tonight, so you should be warm enough.”

“The Weather Channel, huh? What are you, like sixty years old?” She laughed as he rolled his eyes, then added, “You have me very curious about what we’re going to do.”

He opened the apartment door and allowed her to lead the way into the hall. “Right now, we’re going to eat dinner,” he teased.

“Yeah, I figured that out, Sherlock. I was talking about after we’re done eating.”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” he assured her, following a step behind as she walked down the stairs.

*********

The diner was a cozy little nook which wasn’t too crowded, and allowed them to have an uninterrupted conversation all through dinner. Killian was a bit shocked with how easily he was able to talk to her, after being alone for so many years and having limited contact with other people. She was a good listener and had him laughing with stories of some of her delivery mishaps.

At the end of their meal, he asked if she would like to have dessert or coffee. “Actually, I’d like some hot chocolate,” she said, “with lots of whipped cream and a sprinkling of cinnamon.”

“That sounds...interesting.”

She saw his raised brows. “What?”

He opened his mouth, then hesitated before responding, “Nothing.”

“Don’t knock it until you try it, buddy.”

“I’m feeling adventurous tonight.”

When the waitress brought the beverages out, he took a tentative sip, then gave a whipped cream-enhanced smile. “Not bad, Swan.”

“Told ya,” she gloated. “So when are you gonna tell me where we’re going next? I’ve been very patient.”

“Indeed you have. I’m not sure how you’ll feel about this, so if it’s something you’d rather not do, don’t be afraid to tell me.” She nodded her agreement, and he went on. “I found a farm a few miles from my house which offers haunted hayrides through the woods.”

Her eyes lit up. “Really? That sounds like fun! What time does it start?”

“The first one is at eight o-clock and there’s one every forty minutes until midnight. We should be able to go on the third one of the night.”

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go get the begeezus scared out of us!”

He chuckled at her enthusiasm. “We still have time to finish our cocoa, Emma.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m just so excited! I’ve never been on a hayride of any kind before, let alone a haunted one!”

Killian was happy he was getting to witness some of her first experiences that evening, and that she was so receptive to his idea. He had worried that she would think it was a silly and childish thing to do.

Every moment he spent with the fiery blonde had him becoming more and more fond of her, and when the voices in his head started chanting that he could get hurt, he shut them up immediately. He was tired of being lonely, and was ready to take a chance with this woman, who was already well on her way to capturing his heart.

*********

The couple enjoyed the hayride, which turned out to be more humorous than scary. Emma had trouble controlling her giggles as people dressed as zombies with bad make-up jumped out at them from the woods with chainless chainsaws, rubber knives and fake machetes.

Killian didn’t mind the occasions when she was startled, because she kept jumping closer to him on the hay bale on which they were sitting. By the time the half-hour ride was over, he had his arm around her, holding her close against his side.

Before leaving the farm, they purchased hot apple cider and caramel popcorn and took it back to his house.

“Would you like to watch a movie, Swan, or will that make it too late for you to get home?” Killian asked, showing her into his living room.

“I can get home after midnight; I won’t turn into a pumpkin...or a zombie,” she smirked.

“Shall we continue on with the scary theme?”

“That’s fine with me. I like horror movies, but I don’t really enjoy watching them by myself.”

They chose a movie from Hulu together and sat on the couch as they watched, munching popcorn and sipping their cider. About an hour into the movie, when the food was gone, Emma gravitated toward where he was sitting and was soon leaning against him. He encouraged her snuggling by wrapping his arm around her shoulder and resting his cheek on the top of her head.

Killian was not a person who welcomed human contact - most of the time he would avoid it if possible. So he was surprised to realize he not only enjoyed Emma’s body being close to his, but almost craved her touch. Several times she hid her face in his chest when she knew a particularly scary scene was coming and he held her tighter, boldly pressing kisses into her hair.

When the movie ended, he reluctantly released her, allowing her to sit up. She turned to look at him and he asked, “Did you like it, Love?”

“The movie or the date?”

“Both, I guess?” he shrugged.

Instead of answering, she leaned in and kissed him. His eyes widened in surprise at first, then he let out a happy sigh and allowed his lips to caress hers in return. He felt the fingers of one of her hands find their way into the soft strands of hair at the nape of his neck, while the other slid up his arm to squeeze his bicep.

His hands didn’t stay idle, as he ran them from her waist to massage her back. He lost himself in the kiss and found himself wishing it wouldn’t end. When it did, he drew back to look into her shining eyes, then dove back in for more.

Finally, they both had a need for air and separated, though they maintained contact with their foreheads pressed together.

“Can I take that as a yes?” he grinned.

“It is most definitely a yes,” she assured him. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve had such a good time!”

“You didn’t find the haunted hayride to be a bit feeble?”

“I loved it! This date was so much fun, Killian. I truly have enjoyed every minute of it...especially the last few,” she added, winking at him.

He laughed deep in his throat and pulled her in for another hug. “I’ve had a really good time, too,” he murmured against her temple. “Would you be interested in going out again?”

“I’m assuming you mean with you?”

“That was kind of the idea, yes.”

She pressed her lips to his again. When she pulled back after several sweet moments, he licked his lips and said, “Not that I’m complaining, Love, but do you ever just answer with a yes or no?”

She threw her head back and laughed, and he took the opportunity to scatter small kisses along the creamy skin of her throat. Her sudden intake of breath told him the effect they had on her.

“I...I would love to go out with you again, Killian; more than once, if possible.”

“I think that’s entirely possible.” He settled her against his chest once more and they sat comfortably together, her fingers finding the gold chain around his neck, while his stroked up and down her upper arm.

The chimes of his grandfather clock signaled the hour of one o’clock and he reluctantly sat up and put some space between them. “I’d better get you home, Swan.”

She heaved a sigh. “Yeah, I guess so. You probably need your beauty sleep.”

“It’s how I retain my youthful glow,” he responded cheekily.

She laughed again and he realized he could listen to that sound for hours on end, if given the chance.

Killian went out to start the truck while Emma put her boots and coat back on. Soon they were on the road back to her place.

“Do you like living in the city?” he inquired as they drove along the highway.

“Not really, but I’m not lucky enough to own a house out in the country.”

“Lucky is a good word for it. I happened to be in the right place at the right time to purchase it, and got it for a steal. It’s quiet and far away from other people, so it has plenty of privacy, which I value.”

“I figured that out by the number of things you order so you won’t have to make trips into the city.”

He glanced over at her with a shy smile. “I don’t allow many people in, Emma. In the past, I’ve found it very difficult to trust them, because they always let me down.”

“I can identify with that.”

“You, uh, you said you never had a family…”

“Nope. I was abandoned at birth and never got adopted.”

“Ah, I see. I actually had a family, but my mum died when I was very young, my father abandoned my brother Liam and me, then Liam was killed in an accident. I’ve been alone for nearly fifteen years now.”

“It sucks, doesn’t it?”

“Aye, but I’ve gotten used to it.”

Silence fell for a while as the truck passed three mile markers. Finally, Emma broke it by quietly asking, “Do you think you would like being a little less lonely?”

He glanced over at her before directing his eyes back to the dark road. “I would if it meant we were being less lonely together.”

*********

When they arrived at her apartment building, Killian hopped out of his side of the truck and hurried around it to open her door, taking her hand as she exited and not letting it go. They took their time walking up the three flights of stairs, exchanging few words, but numerous smiles with each other.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked as they stopped outside her apartment door.

“I might want to, but I really should get back home.”

“Busy day tomorrow?”

“Not really, but I was planning on calling a certain lovely lady at some point in the day.”

“Lucky girl.”

He moved closer to kiss her briefly. “I guess you are.”

Looping her arms around his neck, she initiated another kiss, this one lasting far longer. Pulling back at last, she said, “I had such a good time tonight, Killian. Everything about it was perfect.”

“I’m very happy to hear it. Shall we do it again soon?”

“I would really like that. Will I, um, will I be making any deliveries to you this week?”

“I do have some floral supplies ordered.”

“Good.”

They shared another lengthy kiss before he stepped back. “Goodnight, Emma.”

“Goodnight, Killian.” Unlocking and opening her door, she threw him one last dazzling smile, then walked inside and closed it behind her.

He stood leaning against the wall for a few more moments, then blew out a breath and touched his fingers to his lips, remembering the way they tingled when they were touching hers.

********

In the following weeks, Emma and Killian called or texted each other daily, and went on several more dates, using every opportunity to get to know one another better. He looked forward to the days when she made a delivery to his house, since it gave him another chance to see her briefly.

It became more and more difficult for him to say goodbye to her at her apartment after their dates. Sometimes he would accept her invitation for hot chocolate and they would talk and kiss for an hour or so, but he never pushed it any further. He wanted her to know that he respected her and would wait until she decided the time was right to take their budding relationship to the next level.

Christmas was quickly approaching and the couple had been dating for nearly two months. Early one evening, Killian was beginning to worry when Emma wasn’t answering his phone calls or texts. He knew it was past time for her to be home from work, and because there had been periods of freezing rain throughout the day, he started to imagine the worst when he thought of her having to drive her delivery route on icy roads.

He was pacing back and forth across the kitchen, hoping his phone would light up with her name, when headlights illuminated the room. Knowing there was only one person it could possibly be, he threw on a coat, hurried out the back door, and jogged down the steps.

She was bumping her car door closed with her hip as he reached her. “Swan, what are you doing here at this time of night? Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. I just have a delivery to make.”

“A delivery? I don’t think I’m expecting anything. What is it?”

She took a step forward and ran her hands up his chest. “Me.”

His eyebrows raised in surprise and it took a second for what she was saying to register. When it did, he put his hands on her hips and pulled her closer. “Is that right?”

Looping her arms around his neck, she ghosted her lips against his as she said, “Yes, it is.”

“Shall we go inside, Love?”

She leaned back and looked into his eyes. “Just so we’re clear, Killian - when we go inside, I want more than one of our usual make-out sessions, no matter how much I enjoy them. Is that...is that okay with you?”

“Well, it would be rather rude of me to reject such a special delivery,” he chuckled a little nervously. Then he grew more serious. “Emma, I...it’s been a long time since I was in any kind of relationship, and it didn’t end well. I don’t want to...to...what I mean is…”

She took his hand and started leading him to the house. “Let’s talk inside. I’m freezing.”

After shedding their coats and boots, they sat together on the couch with their fingers intertwined. “What were you trying to tell me, Killian?” she asked, watching his thumb rub over her knuckle.

“The last woman I dated broke my heart. That’s one of the main reasons why I made the decision to leave England all those years ago, and I haven’t dated since. So what I’m trying to say is, I’m out of practice.”

She twisted in her seat, and the next thing he knew, she had flung her leg over his lap and was straddling him. Her hands came up to the sides of his face and she leaned her forehead against his.

“I’ve heard it’s like riding a bicycle,” she said. He chuckled and she sat back to look at him. “My sexual experiences have been very few and far between, too, but we can figure it out together. If you want to, that is.”

“Oh, I want to, Emma - that’s not the problem at all. It’s just that, in the past…”

She put two fingers over his lips. “Let the past stay in the past - those are ghosts we can’t control. This is now, and I want you. I know the scariest part is letting go, but I’m yours to choose, so why don’t you take what’s right in front of you, Killian?”

He contemplated what she said for less than two seconds before surging forward to engage her in a passionate kiss. It grew increasingly heated until he felt that if he didn’t do something soon, he was going to internally combust.

He wrapped her securely in his arms and pushed to his feet, not breaking contact with her lips. Her legs automatically went around his waist and she moaned deeply into his mouth, causing him to nearly stumble.

His bedroom seemed so much farther away than the few steps it actually was, but when he finally made it to the edge of his bed, he eased her onto it gently. Then he stood looking down at her as she reached for him, her hair spread out in a tangled halo, her lips kiss-swollen, and her eyes dark with desire.

“Killian, please,” she panted, “I need you.”

Her fingers scrambled for the button of his jeans before he stilled them with his hands. “I...I don’t have any protection,” he admitted. “I’ve been meaning to get some, but…”

“I’m covered and clean. Been on the pill for months to regulate my cycle,” she explained, pulling her hands free. “Do you have any other excuses?”

“No, no excuses. There is just something I need to tell you. I know this may be too soon for you to hear, but I want to say it so you understand this isn’t just a one-time thing, to scratch an itch.”

She swallowed hard as she looked into his eyes, the expression in them so intense she was almost afraid to find out what he was going to say. “What is it?” she managed to ask.

“I...Emma...I’m in love with you,” he stated, tenderly brushing her hair away from her face.

“Y-you are?” she squeaked.

“Utterly and completely. I think I have been ever since the moment you yelled at me during that first delivery you made. I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I didn’t know how, and I didn’t want to take this next step before I did.”

“You actually love me?” she asked, with disbelief lacing her words.

“Aye, Sweetheart. I love your sense of humor, your determination, your boldness, and your stubborn streak.” She grinned at that. “I also love your ability to see past the walls I’ve built to keep people out, in order to see the lonely person inside. No one has ever made the effort to do that before.” He paused a moment, before continuing, “But don’t worry, Love. I’m not telling you this to pressure you into saying…”

“I love you, Killian.”

“...it,” he finished, a look of awe crossing his face. “Do you really?”

“Yes. At least, I think I do, if this is what being in love feels like. I’ve never felt it before. All I know is that I think about you all the time…”

“Same.”

“And every time I talk to you, my heart races and…”

“I can’t stop smiling.”

“Exactly! And whenever you touch me, it’s like my skin is...is…”

“Like an electrical current is running through it?”

“Yes! Is that what being in love feels like?”

“I assume so. I’ve never been in love before, either.”

Emma giggled adorably. “Well, now that we’re clear on how we feel about each other, what else is keeping you from ravaging me?”

He grinned at her and ran his hands up her sides underneath her sweater. “Just this jumper,” he said as he pulled it over her head. “And these jeans, and bra, and...you’re wearing far too many clothes, Swan.”

“Hmmm, I guess we better do something about that. You have a lot of clothes on too, you know.”

In a flash, she tackled him and had him on his back in the middle of the bed, while she knelt above him, undoing the fastener of his jeans and pulling the zipper down. He lifted his hips to help her tug them down his legs until he was in his boxers, and she licked her lips as she took in the sizable bulge he was sporting.

She felt his hair tickling her fingers when she ran them up his legs and into the openings of his underwear. One hand fondled his balls while the other found his shaft, stroking it lightly. Her eyes moved up his body to watch the effect she was having on him.

His eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip. His hands reached up to grip the pillow under his head and he groaned, “Bloody fuck, Emma! That...that feels so good!”

She continued running her hand along his velvety skin, stopping periodically to brush her thumb across his slit, until he gasped, “P-please stop, Love. I...I don’t know if I can...hold back if you keep doing that.”

She gave him one more gentle squeeze, then removed her hands and sat looking down at him with a smirk, before swinging around on the bed to yank off her socks. As she reached for the button of her jeans, he stopped her. “Let me do that, Love.”

She hopped up off the bed to stand in front of him, clad only in her bra and jeans. “Okay, but I get to finish stripping you first.”

“As you wish,” he conceded.

She pushed his flannel shirt off his shoulders and, once he pulled his arms free, lifted his henley over his head. Seeing that she still hadn’t reached bare skin yet because of the white undershirt he wore, she blew out an exasperated breath.

“Holy shit, Jones! How many layers of clothes are you wearing?”

“I live in Maine and it’s the middle of winter. What do you expect?”

“I expect to get naked with you, but I didn’t know it was gonna take until the New Year to get you there!”

He laughed as she grabbed the hem of the T-shirt to drag it up his body. Her eyes danced with delight as she took in his muscular chest with its generous peppering of hair. He tried not to squirm as she lightly ran her fingers through it and stroked along his ribcage.

“You’re gorgeous,” she breathed, watching her fingers as they moved.

“Not nearly as much as you,” he responded, bringing his hands up to spread them over her sides, and rubbing his thumbs under the elastic of her bra. As his hands slid around to the back of it, he looked up at her through his lashes. “May I?”

She nodded and held her breath as he made quick work of the fasteners, then she pulled her arms through and let the bra drop to the floor.

Killian lovingly caressed her breasts, strumming his thumbs across her nipples, which hardened immediately under his ministrations. “Beautiful,” he whispered.

He bent to take one of her pebbled nipples between his lips, running his tongue across it, then sucking lightly. When it garnered a gasp and soft moan from her, he sucked harder, while his left hand squeezed and fondled the other breast.

Emma’s eyes closed and her head dropped back as she enjoyed the sensations passing through her body. Her fingers found their way to his hair and she scratched through it, giving little tugs to the ends.

Every sigh and utterance went straight to his groin and soon he was even harder than her stroking had left him. He moved his mouth down her stomach before realizing she was still wearing her jeans. He fumbled with the button for a few seconds before she reached down and undid it herself.

“So impatient,” he growled, undoing the zipper and shoving her jeans past her hips.

She peeled them off, stepped out of them and kicked them aside, as his hands moved around to squeeze her ass, while he nibbled on her hip. She went to work in earnest to completely wreck his hair.

“Touch me, Killian,” she begged.

He hooked his fingers into the sides of her panties and quickly disposed of them, inhaling deeply to take in the heady scent of her arousal. Now that he had her completely naked, he guided her back to the bed, encouraging her to lay down.

Before she did, Emma helped him remove his boxers. She knew by feeling him that he was well-endowed, but seeing it made her eyes widen. “That’s quite a package you’ve got there, buddy.”

He laughed. “I hope you’ll enjoy the delivery I make to you!” he said with a lopsided grin, causing her to roll her eyes playfully.

Finally lowering herself to the bed, she scooted back and laid down. He aligned himself beside her, looking into her face. “You are truly a very beautiful woman, my love,” he said, before leaning in for a sweet and tender kiss.

He ran his fingers across her collarbone, along the side of her breast, and down her ribcage. She giggled a bit at the tickling sensation and then drew in a quick breath as his fingers pressed between her thighs. She automatically widened them to allow him better access and moaned as he swiped through her slick folds.

“So...so wet, Swan,” he declared, watching his fingers stroke her, picking up more of her creamy essence on each pass.

“Mmhmm. K-Killian, please. Get inside me. Make me...make me come,” she whimpered.

In response, he tentatively pushed a finger into her heat. “More…” she encouraged.

Nodding, he pulled out and added a second on the next gentle thrust. “How does that feel, Love?”

“Insanely good,” she gasped, placing her hand over his, urging him to go deeper.

He continued working her up while his mouth kissed up her body to give attention to her breast.

Her head was rolling side-to-side on the pillow, her eyes closed and her mouth open to emit short panting breaths. He could feel her legs begin to quake as she drew them up and let them fall open, allowing him more freedom to explore.

“Can you take more?” he asked quietly.

Unable to form words at the moment, she simply nodded her head up and down. He pulled his glistening fingers free, knocking her hand away, and slowly pressed three fingers into her, watching her face carefully to discern any discomfort. Once they were completely enveloped in her welcoming heat, he twisted and curled them, then rolled his thumb over her bundle of nerves.

The effect was immediate and intense as her walls squeezed his fingers and she cried out, “Yes! Killian!”

He continued to stroke her as her body gradually relaxed, and his mouth latched onto her nipple again, sucking and licking to help draw out her ecstasy a bit longer.

When she finally came down from her high, she opened her eyes. “You call that being out of practice?” she teased.

He slid his fingers out of her and dragged them up her body, leaving a trail of her arousal which he followed with his tongue. Reaching her mouth at last, he uttered against her lips, “Perhaps it IS like riding a bicycle,” then plunged his tongue into her mouth.

After overcoming her surprise at the sudden intrusion, she gave back as good as she got, filling the room with sounds of clashing teeth, smacking lips, heartfelt moans, and heavy breathing. He settled his body over hers and her legs came up to encircle his hips.

Feeling her wet, hot, heat rubbing against his cock, he began grinding to add some friction. “Fuck, Emma! Feels so good!” he panted. “I need more!”

She desperately nodded. “Yes, pleeease!”

Loosening her legs, she let them fall to the mattress, giving him room to maneuver.

“Guide me, Love,” he requested, dropping his forearms to rest on either side of her.

Taking the opportunity to run her hands through the soft hair on his chest again, she slid them down his body to his fully erect member, drawing the head through her abundant slickness.

Killian was struggling not to thrust into her hand and come before he even had the chance to get inside her. “I...I love you, Emma,” he gasped. “Let me show you how much.”

Without wasting another second, she positioned him at her opening, then moved her hands to his ass, squeezing it encouragingly. He began to enter her at an achingly slow pace and when she looked up, she could see the cords of his neck standing out, his head thrown back, teeth clenched, and eyes closed tightly.

“Don’t hold back, Babe,” she pleaded. “Just let go. You won’t...you won’t hurt me.”

He pulled back until just his tip was still within her, then thrust his hips forward to enter her more deeply. Repeating this motion a few more times, he finally stilled balls deep and dropped his head to her chest.

“Bloody hell, you feel amazing, Love! I could live the rest of my life right here!”

“That...that might be a bit...inconvenient, but...I wouldn’t object!” she stammered.

He gripped her shoulders from underneath and began to move, slowly at first, but picking up speed as the sensations started to overwhelm him. She bent her knees and drew her legs up alongside his body and the new angle added to the pleasure.

With every snap of his hips, her breath caught, her hands roaming up and down his back and buttocks, her nails scratching against his skin, which heightened his arousal and drove him toward the edge faster than he wanted.

“Emma...I can’t...I’m going to…”

“Me...too!” Her knees tightened around him and her hips raised off the bed, her legs shaking with her impending release.

He plunged into her once more and suddenly she was flying. The throbbing of her walls along his swollen cock was his undoing, and with another thrust, he joined her. Feeling his release washing through her, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him against her and letting their sweat mingle as their hearts beat erratically in their chests.

“I love you,” she murmured, her lips finding their way to the hollow of his throat, then nuzzling into the juncture of his shoulder.

He rolled them over to reverse their positions and wrapped her securely in his arms. “I love you, too.”

As their breathing evened out and their bodies cooled, Killian reached down to find the blanket and pulled it over both of them. “Mmmm, can I just stay here all night?” she mumbled sleepily.

“I think that’s a grand idea, Love.”

She lifted her head to look into his face. “Do you mean it?”

“I can think of nothing I want more than to hold you in my arms for the rest of the night, my love.”

“You know I have to work tomorrow, don’t you? It’s the Christmas season so we’re swamped.”

“I’ll wake you early so you can get to work on time.”

“Deal, but be warned - I’m not a morning person.”

“I’ll be cautious.”

They fell silent for several minutes while she enjoyed the soothing movement of his hands kneading the skin of her back. She was just starting to doze off when his voice rumbled against the top of her head. “Does it have to be just for tonight?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will you...could you make a special delivery to me again tomorrow night?”

She rested her chin on his sternum and grinned up at him. “I think I could do that.”

“I can pick you up, so you don’t have to drive all the way out here by yourself.”

“That’s not necessary. I’m used to doing things by myself.”

“But you don’t have to, Emma. You...we...aren’t alone anymore.”

A smile lit up her face. “That’s true. We have each other now.”

“That we do, and you are always welcome here. I want you here - as often as possible.”

“You might regret that offer.”

“Never.”

She sighed happily and laid her head back on his chest. “Thank you, Killian.”

“For what, Love?”

“For opening your heart to me and making me feel wanted, beautiful, special and loved.”

“You are all of those things, Sweetheart.”

He could feel her smile against his skin. “And for giving me a place to belong,” she added.

“You belong right here,” he said, patting the spot over his heart. “I want to thank you too, Emma, for taking a chance on me, by giving me your heart and blessing me with your love. I feel very lucky, and obviously less lonely, having you in my life. When I think of the hell I had to walk through, I wouldn’t trade a day of it, because it led me to you.”

She raised her head again and her lips found his for a long, languid kiss. “I know what you mean, and I feel the same way, too; no longer lonely and very lucky to have found you,” she whispered afterwards.

They decided it would be a good idea to clean up a bit before going to sleep, so he led her into the bathroom. When they returned to the bedroom, he pulled on flannel sleep pants, and offered her the matching shirt, which she tugged over her head.

As he pulled open a dresser drawer to grab another, Emma put a hand on his arm to stop him. “It might be the middle of winter, but it’s a shame to cover up that sexy chest hair. I promise I’ll keep you warm,” she said with a sly grin.

He didn’t argue, knowing that he would give her anything her heart desired. They climbed back into bed and shared some sweet kisses, then Emma turned onto her left side and reached back to find his arm, wrapping it around herself and pulling it up between her breasts. He scooted closer and pressed himself against her back, sighing contentedly as he buried his nose in her hair.

“I love you, Emma. I’ll see you in the morning,” he murmured.

She yawned before replying, “I love you, too, Killian. Goodnight.”

As they drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms, their hearts a perfect match, that night became the first of the rest of their lives together; a new beginning for both of them, never to be lonely again.

*********

I hope you love the story, Saj! Happiest of birthdays to you!

Tagging: @xsajx @hookedmom @kymbersmith-90 @kmomof4 @lassluna @pirateherokillian @teamhook @stahlop @elizabeethan @whimsicallyenchantedrose @resident-of-storybrooke @therooksshiningknight @jennjenn615 @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @killianswannn @stories-enchanted @eleveneitherway @withheartfulloflove @kday426 @lyssapup27 @swanlovato @djlbg @kristi555 @laschatzi @xarandomdreamx @lkles08 @wyntereyez @bubblegum1425 @xhookswenchx @yasbio2015 @tiganasummertree @winterbaby89 @wefoundloveunderthelight @hollyethecurious @let-it-raines @jonesfandomfanatic @searchingwardrobes @dreamingdreamsalways @oncechicagolove @andiirivera @vvbooklady1256 @gingerchangeling @everything-person @klynn-stormz @qualitycoffeethings @vampcoffeegyrl23 @enchanted-swans @cassy1511 @ohmakemeahercules @donteattheappleshook @bluewildcatfanatic @the-darkdragonfly @demisexualemmaswan @lavenderbudd @grimmswan @spartanguard @flslp87 @ultraluckycatnd @sarahpaq08 @thisonesatellite @captainswan21 @zaharadessert @mariakov81 @snowbellewells @xouatxcs @kiwistreetswan @batana54 @nadine200179 @probalicious17 @courtorderedcake @julesep3026 @jackieorioncat @whatthehell102082 @xemmaloveskillianx @jarienn972 @sthonour @linda8084 @carpedzem @pirateprincesslena @daxx04 @winterbythesea @artistic-writer @cocohook38 @chrisilybrooke @pcrcabcth @captainswan4life85 @molly958 @kingofmyheart14 @badwolfreturns @itsfridaysomewhere @chamomileandmint @fallingforthecaptain @lovethelifeyoulive1106 @onceratheart18 @strangestarlighttree @omgmarvelous @justanother-unluckysoul @mrs-potatos-but-likes-tomatos @anothersworld @deckerstarblanche @purplehawkcaptain @therealstartraveller776 @superchocovian @k-leemac @citygirlscowboy @laughterandbooks

#csff #lonely no more #jrob64 #happy birthday saj #CS modern AU #inspired by The Words music video #christina perri #cs fanfiction #ouat captain swan #CaptainSwan ff #CS fic #captain swan au #captain swan fan fiction #captain swan fanfic

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salenakingston · 4 years ago

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Mystery March Day 18 - Flower

Where was she now? Could she even define herself as simply ‘she’ anymore? The body was gone, taken away at the hands of that blue-haired girl. It was the same one from ancient times, and yet, at the same time not. It was impossible for it to truly be the same person. A reincarnation perhaps? Well what good does that do now? Laying who knows how far away as nothing more than a beating heart in the shape of a fruit.

Sight was meaningless, but noises could still be heard. There was enough awareness for that at least.

One thing was certain, this area was not the same one as before. Where the sound of battle once rang out, there was calm. The sound of insects chirping, and birds too. There was the feeling of heat beating down from the sky, though not as intense as it might have been against a black road. There was a subtle noise, that of wind floating by. At least this place seemed more like the old forest.

“How much longer are we going to keep looking?”

What was that? A voice? Out here?

“As long as it takes.”

Wait, that voice was recognizable. Was it her again?

“Vivi, this is stupid. You said when you hit it, it went flying. Who knows how far it actually went.”

Hit it? Oh right, she batted the heart right out of the body. Wait, but that would imply this was what she was looking for. Why? To get rid of it for good?

“I know it’s stupid, but this is important. Can’t you work with me instead of arguing? If Arthur’s making an effort then we should too.”

Who was Arthur? In fact, who was she even talking to?

“I know that Vivi. It’s just complicated on my end. I assure you I am actually trying. You try getting ‘buddy buddy’ with someone you’ve spent so long hating.”

While interesting to hear, what did any of this have to do with their search? If anything, the bickering was just starting to get annoying. Even more so as the voices seemed to be growing louder. They must have been getting closer to this resting place.

“Alright alright. Look let’s at least look a little longer. If we don’t find it then we’ll go back. Maybe the three of us can look more tomorrow.”

“Yeah, ok.”

It didn’t make any sense. After the fury she showed when the kitsune was harmed, why go through the trouble of finding the object she was keen to remove at that moment?

“Hey Vivi, what did it look like again?”

“It was shaped like a heart, see through, and it had a glowing, red light in the middle. Why?”

“I think I found it.”

It was being lifted, but into the hands of something strange. It was terribly inconvenient to only be able to go off every sense besides sight. Footsteps could be heard against the earth, so ‘Vivi’ must have been catching up to whomever spoke.

“Yeah, that’s it. Let’s go back home.”

Well, there wasn’t much choice in the matter, as if there even was one to begin with. Wherever they were going, this was going with them.

A rush of chill washed over all of them, one set of footsteps echoing off the wood floor. One? But there were two voices before. Curse this miserable state. The girl’s voice came back again, “Oh, Arthur and Mystery aren’t here?”

Mystery. Right, the name the kitsune accepted from his new master. If the body was still functionable, this would be worthy of an eyeroll. Beside that, why bring this back to him? He seemed content fighting back as well.

“Actually, maybe this is a good thing, we can surprise him.”

That was her again. Surprise him? This ‘Arthur’ or the kitsune?

“I guess so. What do we do with it then? Just give it to him?”

“No, of course not. So, I don’t know how correct this is, but the little tree that was on top of her head looked a lot like a bonsai tree. If we can get a pot, probably one a little deeper to fit the whole thing, I bet we could make it grow.”

Stunned silence.

“That’s a pretty big stretch. What if it doesn’t work?”

“Don’t be such a downer Lewis. I have a good feeling it will.”

“If you say so.”

There were a lot of different feelings going on now. The earth was familiar, though it was all around now rather than just underneath. There was something wet being added, probably water. Well, credit where it was somewhat due, at least this girl seemed to know some basic care. There was the sound of a door opening, the other two mentioned having come back. Oh, there was that feeling of being lifted again.

“Mystery, we got you a surprise.”

Wait, they spent all this time looking to be given back to him?

“Vivi, it’s a pot of dirt.”

“Give it time. You’ll see what it is.”

Why not just tell him outright? Why drag it out? These were some strange mortals the kitsune decided to serve.

----

How much time had passed now? It was a bit hard to tell. Well, one upside to this whole thing was sight came back. From the beating heart, a blue sprout had grown through the dirt. With care from the girl, Vivi, and the ghost from the empty plot and locket, Lewis, that sprout had grown into a small tree. Most of the time, it was the two of them handling the care of the tiny tree, if only to keep up appearances. When no one else was around, the kitsune had taken on a more human like form to do the care himself. The body had grown again, and so too ‘she’ came back.

It was just annoying she couldn’t move like she used to.

Still it was nice to see again.

That blonde one with the shiny arm had come over today, Arthur. His name had come up, but there was no way for her to put a face to that name before now. He’d joined the kitsune, looking over the blue tree with white leaves. There were buds forming along some of the branches, and soon enough would have pink flowers blossoming like before. The ‘dog’ had glanced over at him when he heard the blonde’s voice, “Hey Mystery.”

“Vivi bug you into coming over?”

“When doesn’t she? You know how she is.”

Two sets of eyes feel on her body, “It’s growing really well.”

“Yes. So she is.”

“Right, she. I’m sorry.”

Strange to make such a point about that correction. She was alive, but not really… ‘alive.’ The same body as before had been burnt away, leaving this much more natural state for her.

“She was important to you, wasn’t she?”

“As important then as she is now.”

If she could snort she would. How was she meant to believe that sentiment?

“My life has become full of regrets Arthur, so much it amazes me how the three of you stick around. And so she too has become part of my regret. Not for creating her, but that when caught between two people I cared about, I turned my back on her. I don’t regret my choice, but I regret what that’s done to her.”

“Regret is something we both have in common.”

Man and dog looked at one another before the blonde turned those understanding eyes on her, “I’m no expert with plants. Will you show me how to take care of it while I wait for Vivi?”

“Sure.”

Despite the one strange arm he had, his care was just as gentle as the other three. These humans were strange. Two humans and a ghost? Logistics. Unimportant. What mattered was them showing care for something that didn’t have anything to do with them. All for what? For a mutt that lied to all of them? It was very strange.

When night fell, her very being reached deep inside her. This wasn’t the first time these three came to her. When the blue locket had been picked up, each one in the form of a flower bloomed on her hand, only for her to strike them down before the lotus she’d been desiring shined. The others were forgotten about.

Each one of them was very specific.

A blue orchid with hints of magenta along its stamen.

A purple rose with a yellow center, it’s stem covered in thorns.

An orange sunflower that almost looks wilted.

When Mystery woke up the next morning, there were three tiny flowers curled around the base of the tree. There was no lotus bloom. Not yet. She was not ready to forgive him just yet. There was some comfort to this new addition she created.

#MysteryMarch2021 #mystery skulls animated #my writing #my submission

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darkdevasofdestruction · 5 years ago

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Flowers - Nicolas Brown x Reader

(( Special thanks to my fren, @ittokan , for fangirling with me over Gangsta, and I truly hope you start writing for this fandom and all the others that you love, without feeling pressured or anything! <3 ))

“Worick?” Alex’s soft voice asked in curiosity as she noticed there were many vases around the house, filled with lots of colourful flowers. “Yes, Ally?” the platinum haired man lit up a cigarette, looking at the girl with a mischievous smile - He knew what she wanted to ask. “What’s with...All the flowers? Every day they keep adding up...What’s the occasion? I-I’m not saying they’re not beautiful, they are! And they smell gorgeous, it’s a really nice change to this place...But what’s with the sudden change?” she perked up, sniffing a blue flower. “Well, Ally, do you know who bought them?” Worick asked, exhaling, letting smoke come out of his mouth. “You bought them, right? Or are they from Nina?” Alex blinked in confusion, not understanding where the man was going to. “Nope. You’re wrong to the core. Care to try again?” the man chuckled, incredibly amused as he saw her eyes widen in shock “Don’t tell me...Nic bought them?!” she gasped, not comprehending the logic behind it. “You’ve got it right! Nic got them! All 7 vases, and all the different 5 coloured flowers.” he flicked the cigarette softly to get the burnt area out of the window. “But...Why? I didn’t see him as a guy who’d like flowers that much as to waste his money on them?” the girl tilted her head to the side, looking like a confused puppy. “You and me both, Alex! But I assure you, he doesn’t know that either. Buuuuut he knows something that you don’t~! Wanna know what it is?” Worick put out the cig, putting his arm around her shoulders, getting closer to her face. “What is it? Why is Nic buying flowers?!” she asked impatiently, not even caring that she’s so close to the man. “Nicolas is in loooooove~!” the blue eyed man cheered loudly, making the girl squeal in shock at the sudden loud noise, before realising what he just said. “WHAT?!” she gasped, not believing what she just heard. “Yeeees, you heard that right! Nic has a crush on the flower girl! She’s a reaaal cutie, I’m telling you...But not really my style. I’ve talked to her once, she’s perfect for him.” he grinned widely, seeing the girl’s curiosity. “I had no idea there was a flower shop around!” she scratched the back of her head sheepishly. “Well, I wouldn’t be surprised. There’s only one, but thankfully, she sells for both Twilights and Non-Twilights alike. What a sweet girl. Nic mentioned she started learning sign language for him, and she got a little white table with colourful markers. I’m sure you’d like her.” he winked at her, making her smile softly. “It would be nice to see them together one day. Think he’d ever bring her around?” she asked excitedly. “Nahhh, no way. This place is a dump. She’s sunshine incarnated, she deserves better. Oh, and, she’s a doctor working here because this was her mother’s shop or something like that.” he spoke as a matter of fact. “Woaw, a doctor...She must be so smart. Is she like Dr. Theo?” Alex was full of questions of this young woman that managed to capture the rough man’s heart. “Who knows? We’ll see, I guess. Unless...You want to spy on them one day.” Worick winked at her, nodding towards her to follow. “Come on, I have something to get from her since Nic can’t make it today.”

The h/c girl made a little braid on the side of her long hair as she read a new medical book she received yesterday, a soft smile evident on her face as the sunlight gently illuminated her face. Soft jazz music was heard throughout the little parlor and the mesmerising perfume of the infinite flowers was almost drunkening.

She didn’t even realise someone came in the shop, until the man greeted her with a friendly “Yoooo!” as if they’ve been friends since childhood.

“Oh, hello! Sorry I didn’t notice you, I got a bit too absorbed in this book. I’m Y/N, it’s very nice to see new faces around!” her grin was so dazzling that it almost made Alex blush. “It’s great to meet you too. I’m Worick and this is Alex. We’ve come here to pick something up, since my friend couldn’t come today. Know what I’m talking about?” he leaned on the counter, and just as he mentioned that friend, he saw a beautiful spark glow in her e/c eyes. “Oh, you’re Nic’s friends! I’m so happy to meet his friends, he spoke so fondly of you! I’ll give you the flowers in a sec, please wait!” she spoke enthusiastically, rushing in the back of the parlor to pic them up. “Told ya she’s a beauty.” Worick nudged the flustered woman as the owner of the shop came with a beautiful bouquet of blue hibiscus. “Here you go! I hope he likes them. Tell Nic I said hi, okay?” she handed the man the bouquet of blue flowers. “Red, orange, yellow, green, blue...Now indigo...These are the colours of the rainbow!” Alex gasped in realisation, making Y/N grin even wider. “Oh, yes, that’s exactly it! I promised Nic I would help him find out what’s his favourite colour and flower, so every day, I’d give him a bouquet of flowers, each day, a different colour of the rainbow. I’m so happy that someone realised that!” she clapped her hands enthusiastically. “He has 7 different vases at home, and in all of them, there are flowers of different colours, that’s how I realised. They are so beautiful!” Alex took a sniff of them, a smile forming on her face. “Aww, I’m so happy you like them! Hmm...Ah, I’ve got this! Wait a second...Wait a second...And this...A little bow...And here! This is for you! Blue orchids. They represent delicate beauty, power and stability. I think that suits you a lot, especially since they are the same colour as your eyes!” the girl’s eyes smiled with genuine emotion, as Alex could only stare at her with genuine shock. “N-No, I-I-I couldn’t possibly-...I have no money and-...” she kept ranting on, but the h/c girl only shook her head. “Don’t worry, it’s a gift. Any friend of Nic is definitely a nice person, so I don’t mind! Besides, I keep this place more as an emotional thing, since this was mum’s. All my money actually come from my other profession, so I’m not going to get broke by gifting flowers, you know?” she giggled softly, making the other girl blush even more. “Th-Thank you...Y/N. They are gorgeous. Thank you.” was the only think she could say, holding the flowers close to her. “Well, Ally, we have to go. Thanks for today, Y/N, see you around. Oh, and...Take care of Nic for me, will ya?” Worick winked at the girl, who only nodded and waved.

As the pair walked out of the place, Worick lit up his cigarette, looking up at the sky with a soft smile.

“So, Ally, what do you think of our new friend?” he asked with a tint of amusement in his voice. “I can see why Nic likes her. She’s so beautiful and bright...She is someone that this city needs. Do you think her smile is contagious? I think it is...I hope Nic gets to smile genuinely too.” the girl looked down with a soft smile at the flowers.

The end of the day soon arrived, and along with it, the end of the book that the girl was reading so attentively. When making gifts for people she cared about, she wanted to be 100% informed so as to not make any mistakes, but with this, there was no way she could possibly fail.

She wasn’t sure why she was willing to invest so much time and money on a gift for a person she just met barely a few day prior, but there was something in her heart that burned, screaming at her to do just that and not hesitate.

Y/N has always been a highly rational person, preferring to choose her brain over her feelings, which is possibly why she has always been alone. She never saw herself as an overly sociable person, but she didn’t think she was that disagreeable or intimidating, so the reason why people would treat her like a ghost unless they needed something truly irritated her endlessly, so she decided not to bother with people again.

It was bad enough that her mother, her only true friend, died, and her only family alive was her sister, who was a mean girl with some kind of personal vendetta against the Tags, only for the sake of being discriminatory.

Her trust in people went down the drain further when she experienced how even the people she would call “boyfriends” were nothing more than selfish nuisances that had to be completely cut off.

She completely dedicated herself to her work and to the little flower shop, re-naming it after her mother, so as long as she was surrounded by all the loving animals at the clinic and could be surrounded by flowers, as long as her pets would greet her every day in her gorgeously furnished house with the money that she worked so hard for, and as long as she could travel the world and see all the beauty that life has to offer...

Then she could live without others.

Well, that was quickly shattered when she met the man called Nicolas Brown, a deaf man that came by to buy flowers to gift Nina, the little nurse who helps Dr. Theo, since it was her birthday and he had no idea what to give her that she would actually like.

She didn’t know sign language, so she proposed to write on paper to understand everything, despite the man insisting that he can read her lips perfectly well. Y/N, as soon as she heard about Nina, knew exactly what to give the man, and even thanked him for taking care of the little ball of sunshine, which made him blink at her in surprise, then leave.

She thought that was the end of it, that she’d never see him again, and that was it.

Boy, was she wrong.

The next day, he came by her parlor again, but this time, with no actual reason. He just stared at her awkwardly, looking left and right, scratching at his cheek with his finger, trying to come up with some conversation idea, but he wasn’t used to conversing with anyone, so he just stood there.

Luckily for him, the girl started asking about his favourite colours and flowers, which made them both realise he never even thought of such trivial things...But it was nice to not have to think about fights, death and problems, and just stay calmly to look at flowers...And just...Be mundane.

Much to the girl’s glee, Nicolas’s visits became frequent, so the girl offered to help him find out his favourite flowers and colours, but really, all she wanted was to spend more time with him, because, for the first time in ages, she could feel her heart moving like never before.

She felt alive around Nicolas.

She even bought a little whiteboard with lots of colourful markers so they could write as creatively and colourful as they wanted, encouraging him to try out anything he wanted.

Seeing that he was pretty interested in these little things, she bought him those adult anti-stress and anxiety colouring books with flowers and got him tons of crayolas and markers in all shades existent, letting him hang around and colour whatever he wanted.

Much was her surprise when he asked her to draw one page while he drew the other, which made her cheeks get a tint rosier from happiness.

On the free time between colouring, she would learn sign language and would get help from him to perfect it, because she was so sloppy and messy at the beginning that she somehow managed to tell Nic to kiss his own face with a chair, which made him laugh quite a lot.

Very soon, the end of the 7 days came by, and she had to choose the last flower, a violet one, but what could she give him to make it have a lasting impression...

Oh, of course, easy question!

She waited anxiously for the man to arrive as she made the bouquet be more beautiful than ever before, then went to the counter to look through a fashion magazine she had laying around, and when evening came and the Sun started to set, the man arrived, looking a bit tired, but his expression softened as soon he laid his eyes upon her peaceful visage.

She raised her face, looking at him with big, sparkly doe eyes, only to realise it was him, which made her quickly jump to her feet and get in front of him, and to him, she looked so bright that he thought he was staring at the Sun.

Nicolas signed slow enough for her to understand that he couldn’t stay for too long, so she nodded and got the bouquet, handing it to him gently, with a sad smile.

“Do you like them?” Y/N asked, also signing to make sure he understands what she was saying. “Yes. What are they called?” he signed slowly, gazing at the small flowers. “They are called Forget-Me-Not flowers. They are most usually given to people that you don’t want to get forgotten by.” the girl blushed faintly, as she noticed his eyes grow bigger, than looking away, scratching the back of his head. “I...Could never forget you.” he spoke out loud for the first time, making the girl’s heart beat faster than ever before. “You have a beautiful voice. I wish you’d speak more.” she smiled tenderly at him, which only made his cheeks flare up. “Wanna go for a walk?” he asked again, extending his hand towards the girl. “I’d love that.” she quickly closed the shop, taking her purse and intertwining her fingers with his, they started walking around the town aimlessly.

This supposed ‘Aimless’ wasn’t, however, as random as she thought, as Nic guided her to one of the tallest buildings in town, and without too much warnings, expect telling her to hold tightly to him, he started jumping from wall to wall until they got on top, where they could see the Sun setting down, and the sky being painted in a myriad of colours.

They sat down on the edge of the roof, dangling their feet, still holding hands, enjoying the peaceful silence that engulfed them, until he started speaking again.

“I don’t know what my favourite colour is. The rainbow is nice. But this is nice too.” Nic slurred slowly, making the girl look at him with a gentle look in her eyes. “Nature paints everything with the most beautiful colours. Don’t you want to see the world? See all the beauty that it has to offer?” she asked with a smile on her face. “I’m a Tag, I can’t leave this place.” he signed, his eyes looking at her with a certain kind of hurt that broke her heart. “Actually, there are exceptions. I read the law, they say that a single Twilight can leave this place if a Non-Twilight vouches for them and stays with them at all times.” she smiled even brighter as she saw his eyes widen in shock. “Really?” he signed, as she nodded vigurously. “Then...Where do you want to go first?” Nic offered her a mischievous smirk, making her throw her arms around him. “You’re gonna love it!” she exclaimed, as she felt his arms slowly engulf her in a warm embrace. “Your voice...Is beautiful.” he murmured, barely comprehensible. “What do you mean?” Y/N asked, looking at him with curious eyes. “Your voice’s vibrations are...Warm and soothing.” he explained, burying his face in her hair, drawing her closer to his chest.

Her chest was glued to his, and she could feel his heart beating so fast, so loud, mimicking hers, almost as if they were beating in sync, as one. The emotions they felt were explosive, so powerful, something so pure and warm that was meant to put an end to all of their previous suffering and distress, all the betrayal, the disappointment, the anger and sorrow they’ve ever experienced.

The embrace lasted for them like a whole timeline ending, and after they pulled apart, timidly looking at each other’s eyes, they leaned in, her hands on his shoulders, while one of his was on the back of her head, while the other was cupping one of her cheeks, their lips met in a soft kiss, almost as if afraid that the other would disappear.

But soon, all the emotions their hearts harboured were unleashed, pulling each other closer, the kiss deepening, warmth and love emanating from both of them like never before.

Love

A feeling that neither of them ever hoped to genuinely feel again, and yet, here they were, fate having brought them together to fulfill destiny and mend each other’s wounds.

They stood on the edge of the roof for a few more hours, watching as the Sun went completely down and stars embellished the dark sky with beautiful diamonds sparkling and twinkling endlessly, while the silver light of the Mother Moon was guarding them with her healing light.

----

Nicolas’s birthday came sooner than expected, but for some reason, he forgot about it. Well, it’s not a surprise, that boy had no sense of self-worth, the girl quickly realised, so she naturally took the role of a nurturing and always-attentive girlfriend for him, wanting to make sure he takes care of himself properly.

But today was the day...

Today was Nicolas’s birthday.

Well, not yet, really, as it was not yet midnight, but the way he lay on the girl’s bed while watching TV absent-minded made it easy for Y/N to sneak to the other room and bring the man’s gift without him realising.

When the clock was 12 sharp, she turned on the light and putting the box on the table, making sure he wouldn’t get what it was, he dragged him into a sitting position on the edge of the bed, and she could barely resist his confused puppy face.

“Can you close your eyes and only open them when I kiss you?” she signed fast, excitement obvious on her face. “Why?” he asked in a low, confused voice. “It’s a surprise!” the girl booped her nose, only for him to stick out his tongue at her, like a puppy would blep, making her giggle at how cute he looked, kissing him to close his eyes.

She then took the box and took out the hearing devices, gently sitting on his lap and adjusting them to his ears, before caressing his face and giving him a passionate kiss like never before.

“What did you do?” he signed, still smiling from the kiss.

Instead of answering right away, the girl showed him the box that had “HEARING AIDS” written with huge letters, which only made his eyes widen in shock.

“Say something. I want to hear you.” he signed fast, not wanting his voice to be the first thing he hears. “I love you, Nic.” she said, her soft hands resting on his rough visage, and the love she saw in his eyes, hearing her velvety voice that soothed his heart and soul, for the first time... “I love you too, Y/N.” he spoke, cringing a bit at his own voice, but...He missed on so much not hearing her voice. “How...Why...?” his voice was trembling from all the emotions he felt, all at once, flooding him. “It’s your birthday. You are a good person, Nic. You deserve to have your hearing back. So...Happy birthday, sweetheart. I love you.” she kissed his forehead softly, as he quickly threw his arms around her, rolling on the bed, to be able to hold her tighter to him. “I don’t deserve you, Y/N. I really don’t. But thank you...And don’t ever leave me. I love you, Y/N.” he forced himself to speak more, knowing very well that he’ll have to work on his speaking to make it normal, at least to some degree. “You deserve the world, darling, and don’t worry, I’ll never leave you. I promise.” she cooed gently at him, playing with his hair soothingly. “I was right...You truly have the most beautiful voice in the world.” he muttered, closing his eyes to prevent any tear to escape his eyes.

He knew he didn’t deserve such a wonderful woman in his life, but he wasn’t going to deny anything, especially not her pure and genuine love for him. He was going to treasure her and make sure she knows she is the most special person in the world for him.

Because...

Nicolas Brown loves Y/N L/N with all his heart.

#gangsta x reader #gangsta imagine #gangsta #nicolas brown imagine #nicolas brown x reader #nicolas brown #nina #dr. theo #worick arcangelo #alex benedetto

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renegadeapostle · 4 years ago

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You have to tell us what perfumes you use!! Put us on! What’s wrong with le labo? I like the le labo rose 34 :(

A tough one to answer because I wear multiple perfumes a day and I'm almost always trying out samples, much to my family's displeasure. (I've been called a torture artist for making them smell some of the things I've worn!) But I try to mostly do sampling when I'm at home. Full bottles I own and wear when I'm out and about include but are not limited to:

Andy Tauer L'air du desert marocain - LOVE OF MY LIIIIFE! It smells like nothing else, simply one of the best dry ambers in existence. You must sample this if you like perfume at all.

Tauerville Rose Flash - my favourite rose scent (yes, even more than Portrait of a Lady!) A super jammy rose with a weird, funky citronella kind of base note. Projects like nothing else, I adore it.

Thierry Mugler Alien - one of the best designer perfumes of all time, one of the best jasmines of all time. I love her. I wear this to the grocery store lol

Guerlain Vetiver Extreme - I didn’t care for the OG Guerlain Vetiver, though it’s considered one of the best in the genre (and I adore vetiver as a note!) but this one I love, it’s super smoky and incense-y. Hard to find in Aus but great value for money.

Comme des Garcons Incense: Avignon - you spray this and a Gregorian chant starts playing. A beautiful, airy, completely unforgiving incense.

Prada Infusion d'Iris - A papery, dry iris. It uses the dry facets of iris, vetiver, incense, and a slug of iso e super (an aromachemical that smells like cedar/pencil shavings) to create an effect like the smell in a very clean library. One of my safe (for other people!) scents.

Wik & Co Marveilleux - a lipstick rose/iris from an aussie indie brand. Smells like a vintage style scent that’s been given a modern twist. The closest I get to a decadent floral.

Lalique Encre Noire/Encre Noire Extreme/Encre Noire Sport - my vetiver babieeeesssss. Encre Noire is one of the best vetivers ever made and probably the best soliflore for this note. Unfortunately, it only lasts about an hour on me so I spray it profusely. Extreme is deeper and a bit more powdery, Sport has some mineral notes in the top, both are also lovely.

Lush I'm Home/Rentless/What Would Love Do?/Lord of Misrule/Goddess - I love my little lush bottles!. I’m Home is a cosy vanilla/benzoin, Rentless is Christmas spices with a huge slug of patchouli, WWLD is a lavender/citrus, Lord of Misrule is a patch/vanilla/pepper situation, and Goddess is what has to be described as a brutal oud, paired with rose and osmanthus. All lovely, well priced, and more inventive than about 80% of the designer/niche market.

Serge Lutens Gris Clair - my fancy chemist lavender/hot ironing darling. Glorious.

Rania J Ambre Loup - gorgeous, cosy amber, with a lot of clove in the top notes. Not too powdery.

YSL M7 - one of the first western oud scents. Smells very medicinal, like cherry cough syrup - one of my faves.

Prada Candy Gloss - another cherry scent, I’m obsessed with medicinal/clinical cherry notes (I often enjoy almond/heliotrope perfumes because they smell very similar to cherry!). What perfume people call a ‘dumb reach’ - lovely, crowd pleasing, unchallenging.

Molinard Habanita - powdery but in a good way. A vetiver-vanilla combo that is dominated by heliotrope (cherry-ish) and tobacco for me. Love the bottle.

Goldfield and Banks Wood Infusion - another aussie niche brand. A sticky oud and sandalwood, it projects like crazy. This one is addictive!

Guerlain Mitsouko - the chypre to end all chypres.

Ariana Grande Cloud - a Baccarat Rouge 540 dupe, the best BR540 dupe, a saffron/medicinal top that blooms into a warm gourmand base. I get compliments from strangers when I wear this one.

Escentric Molecules Escentric 01 - iso e super (aforementioned pencil shavings aromachemical) with a truly lovely pink pepper top note.

Gucci Guilty Absolute pour Homme - smells like bandaids. Smells like a muscle rub. The affect is created by a truly dark combination of vetiver, cypress, and patchouli. I adore it.

Agent Provocateur l’Agent - tuberose and incense, mainly myrrh. Very gothic, dramatic, seductress in silk dressing gown draped over a staircase.

Dior Homme - A masculine (citrus top, woody base) with an iris (lipstick smelling) heart note. It is heavenly.

Estee Lauder Youth Dew - my brother once called it, 'the sulfur of the damned'. Smells like Betty Draper mid existensial crisis. A coca coca oriental.

Tocca Guiletta - this is a breezy light floral that has almost nothing I like listed in the notes, and yet I love it? It lasts forever, i take it on holidays. (Man, remember holidays?)

Tom Ford Black Orchid - Had it for years, love it deeply. A chocolate-cucumber top accord with a decaying floral/incense base. Smells like a dying 1920′s starlet.

Tom Ford Grey Vetiver - a buttery vetiver accord in the style of Comme des Garcons Man 2.

Kyse Frollino Lavanda - a huge dose of essential oil-ish lavender on top of a salted butter/sugary base. It’s just gorgeous.

100bon Amaretto and Framboise/Carvi Jardin et Figue/Davana and Vanille Bourbon - these are all natural scents with surprisingly good longevity. The almond is a little boozy, the fig is very creamy, the davana a bit more fresh. I wear them in summer because they’re not cloying and they don’t give you a headache.

I have decants of Frederic Malle Portrait of a Lady/Musc Ravageur and Heeley Cardinal that I wear pretty often as well. And I have a sample of Ormonde Woman that I'm hoarding because I love it and I want a bottle very badly but it is spennnssssyyy ($230 for 50ml). My wishlist is equally as embarrassing.

As for Le Labo, that’s really just a petty me thing; I don’t like brands that overcharge for their product. Fact is, unless the scent includes really difficult to source (real oud), rare (Mysore sandalwood), or expensive (real orris butter, saffron) ingredients, there’s no reason why the scent should be sold at such a markup.

(I would probably never buy a full bottle of a Frederic Malle perfume either, though I love many of them and I like the brand a lot more than Le Labo, because they are similarly exorbitantly priced - mostly because of the ingredients.)

A lot of niche brands do markup (Byredo, Creed, ROJA DOVE) because they’re selling the aesthetic, and I don’t jive with that. I like a few Le Labo scents (Thé Noir 29, Vetiver 46, their oud is alright) and i would buy them if they were in the 100-150$ price range. I also like that they have an affordable in house sampling service. I don’t like how they name their perfumes after the most used ingredient, because I think it’s misleading (Santal 33 does not smell like sandalwood, it’s a violet leaf bomb, etc). Rose 31 I do hate though lmao. It smells like sour cumin to me.

#ask #perfumes #perfumery is my hobby #we perfume weirdos have a fragrance WARDROBE ok #we rotate things in and out!#amouage is another crazily priced house that i really rate (interlude man my GOD!!!!! such a good incense!!) but will probs never buy full #look perfumery is one of those things that if you get really into it you have to have an ethos #or all your money will go down the drain #and my ethos is $330 is too much money for a bottle lol #i mean l'air du desert marocain was $200 for 50ml #that shit hurt but it was worth every penny #idk if this list would be helpful to y'all tho #my taste in perfumes is like harsh masculines/medicinal/incense/tragedy orientals #i've smelled a lot of stuff tho so if you give me a brief i can rec you

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painted-crow · 4 years ago

Text

Secondary Toast Revolving Door, Part 1

I guess I should start with a little about me, since that’s easier than making you pick through previous asks for information and some of you guys are new here. This one’s going to be heavily personal, so you can skip it if you want.

I’m a double Bird. My Bird primary system is heavily Badger influenced, and I also use Lion to support it by telling me when I should investigate something more closely. If we can dip into primary territory for a moment, I guess you can say I understand the world through systems that model things around me. But not all of those systems are things I’ve consciously examined, or fully investigated.

My understanding of how historical people dressed is pretty limited, for example, because I haven’t studied it in depth to get all the information—but I consciously understand what I do know about it. You could say this system piece is tiny but clear; I could expand it if I chose to find out more.

My understanding of how someone I’m not close to thinks might have more data to work with, but I haven’t consciously processed it; that’s the kind of thing where my Lion primary model will tell me to look closer if that person starts acting weird. This system piece might be described as huge but fuzzy; I could clarify it if I sat down and thought about it. I probably have more of these than I realize, but Lion basically takes care of monitoring those. I don’t have to investigate everything.

But some of my systems are both large and fairly clear, because I’ve taken the time both to gather data on them and to examine it. My understanding of myself is… well, I won’t say it’s terribly clear, because I’m in my early twenties and I’m still constantly getting new information, plus someone keeps changing the environment and mucking with my data (that would be me). But I have to examine it, because my brain is like a notoriously buggy piece of software and I’m the poor schmuck saddled with tech support duties.

Basically, the reason I’m good at playing therapist with other people is that I’m constantly doing exactly that thing with myself. (This probably makes me a very annoying patient for actual therapists.)

About that buggy brain, then.

I have major depression. That was professionally diagnosed when I was a teenager and it’s probably genetic. I take medication for it, when I remember to. It especially flares up in the winter or when I’m under stress. I probably have some kind of anxiety disorder too.

I’m almost certainly autistic, which I’ve never brought up with a professional—the first person to figure it out was the system I’m now best friends with, because they’re autistic and they knew I was within two weeks of talking to me. It took me two years to catch up with them and figure it out myself.

In my defense, I thought executive dysfunction, sensory overwhelm, dissociation, and hyperempathy were like… secret menu items for depression, because those only really bug me during depressive episodes. My current theory is that they’re related to autistic burnout instead.

I mask a lot, subconsciously—it’s actually really hard to turn that off normally—and I just can’t do that as much when depressed. If I do, my tolerance for everything else goes way down and I’ll go into overwhelm and start having shutdowns and dissociating. I recover pretty quickly (hours, not days), but if you’ve never spent 15 minutes standing in a Walmart aisle trying to decide whether you want a jar of peanut butter, but you can’t make decisions because you can’t access your emotions and you don’t really feel like you’re “here” but you kind of just want to go home… well, be glad I guess.

Of course, I have other autistic traits that show up when I’m not under stress, but they’re seldom associated with autism because most people don’t know what autis are like when we’re actually happy. Like, hyperlexia? That’s not even an “official” word, the auti community just uses it because “official” literature hasn’t caught up. I taught myself to read at age three (according to my mom; she says I was reading news headlines and stuff, not just books I’d memorized) and wrote a 35k word novella when I was ten, with no external prompting. My audio processing used to be terrible, but I routinely tested at college age reading levels as a kid.

I also might have ADHD? If so, it’s also mostly just noticeable if I’m under stress, and then it’s hard to tell if that’s the issue or if it’s just autism/depression again.

You might be getting a clearer picture of how my secondary and its model end up burnt so often!

(Resisting a very strong urge to cut stuff from this post.)

In short, I was a Gifted Kid. I spent a lot of my teen years biting off more than I could chew, honestly. I felt that I should be able to do more, and I wanted to be taken seriously, but I had basically no idea how to take care of myself because my needs are different from everyone else’s. I’m still figuring those out.

I’m kind of like an orchid plant: incredibly picky about conditions, wants a different “soil” and watering schedule, gets stressed if stuff changes too quickly, but when everything is just right and it does bloom, it goes all out.

I’m not kidding when I say that I have odd needs. One of them is the need for creative work, which seems to be hardwired into me. When I say that art or writing keeps me sane, I often hear back “oh yeah! I’ve heard that can be very therapeutic,” which is an innocuous reply, but it’s always bugged me, and I think I’ve figured out why.

First, because that’s not the reason I make things… I just… have to. Second, I can’t “make up” not doing creative work with some other kind of therapy. Third and most importantly, I’d much rather think of “artist” as my ground state, and depression as a condition that happens when my needs aren’t being met, rather than thinking of depression as the default that I’m just using art to escape from. That seems to me a healthier way of thinking, and probably a more accurate one, but I’m probably the only one who can see that distinction.

If life gets in the way and I can’t make space for creative work, it will actively make my depression worse. I know this because, multiple times, I’ve been unable to pinpoint why I’m feeling shitty, and then I go back to my easel or my writing or (ukulele, cooking, even just taking care of houseplants) and realize I haven’t done anything creative in like a month and thaaaat’s the problem.

I crack open a bottle of gesso to prep some canvases and it smells like… well, I don’t think you can get high off gesso? But it’s not like when you’re out of it on painkillers or cold medicine or whatever. It’s incredibly grounding, like the world snaps back into focus but it’s also oddly euphoric. Or I write ten thousand words in a couple days and it just… I don’t know what that does. I’ve never run across a word for it.

The writer of Smile at Strangers (a really good memoir centered around women, anxiety, and karate) describes a similar feeling in relation to her martial arts practice.

It’s also a bit like when all the snow melts after winter and you step outside and there’s the smell of wet soil under sunlight and I’m not sure if this fully translates for people who don’t have seasonal depression. Sorry.

Dammit, I want to paint… I haven’t had space to set up for like eight months. I’ve been nose-deep in writing projects since last summer for a reason, but right now my friggin Ravenclaw secondary is off angsting about something because of Life Stress Bullshit, and I don’t have the focus to work on any of my writing projects. Apart from this one. But it’s not really what I want in terms of creative work.

*velociraptor screech*

Oh, yeah. I guess I could mention this is why my nickname is Paint. Not sure if that was obvious before. The header image (which is more visible in the app for some reason) is one of my paintings. It’s a tiny one and it’s not one of my favorites, but I had the photo on my phone and the colors work well enough for what I needed.

(restrains self from negging my own painting ability)

This is starting to get into spoiler territory for what burned Ravenclaw secondary looks like, huh? It’s peaced out for a couple weeks at this point. I’m trying to write about what made it take off, but my ability to think of words and form a coherent sentence kinda flew out the window when I approached it directly.

Let’s just say that around the start of the month, someone I was talking to online (if you’re reading this, it’s definitely not you) kindaaaa hit a nasty depression trigger of mine. Not their fault—it’s very specific to me, and I struggle to explain why I can’t really talk about it. Basically, I spent years studying programming and web design, and due to several different but related issues during that experience, it’s now a trigger for me. I very much want it not to be, but trying to train that out of myself has induced more than one panic attack and I’m stuck between giving up on it or figuring out a way to go back to it that doesn’t totally shut my brain down.

That paragraph took forever to write, by the way.

I think I have to end this here. I… am going to go take out the trash, and water my plants, and make my bed, and file some paperwork, and maybe I’ll even mix up some bread dough or do some laundry. Spoiler alert for what it looks like when my Hufflepuff model takes over, I guess.

Oh. And I should maybe probably eat something. I almost forgot about that... again.

#sortinghatchats #time to overshare on the internet i guess #secondary toast revolving door #mental health #burned ravenclaw secondary #hufflepuff secondary model #ravenclaw primary #paint speaks

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bakumu-archive · 3 years ago

Note

Orchid & peony if they’re not done yet 💐

So i started typing this last night, and when I was two words away from being done my Tumblr app stopped responding (like a bitch) so I'm retyping it haha. But thank you so much for asking! I'm still down to do these because I love them so much!!

Orchid: Where would we go on our honeymoon?

One of the best parts about selfshiping with kisaki is the fact that money is no object. It makes things so much fun haha

So after our wedding in our Italian Villa, we would probably stay for a few days to spend some time with the people that had to fly out for the wedding.

And then when they are all gone Tetta and I would get on his Yacht, accompanied by a pretty good guard team, Hanma and his girl, and maybe one or two other close friends, and we would sail around the Mediterranean. Monaco, Nice, Barcelona, Malta, Crete, Naxos, sailing around the Greek Islands and maybe going to Istanbul. Istanbul would be the place I begged and begged to go and Tetta just kept saying "we'll see" but that bastard was planning it the whole time.

Ahhh my heart hurts if I start to think about all the alone time we'd have, sneaking off to a secluded part of the yacht. I'm giggling and trying to feed him strawberries and he's pretending like he isn't having the best time of his life.

Peony: Who proposed? How did it go?

This is such a hard one. So Kisaki definitely proposed to me, but I don't think either of us could tell you what day it happened. Our relationship just got to the point where we were talking about marriage and how we wanted to marry each other. It just became the norm for me to call him my fiance,I probably did it as a joke once a just kept doing it so he did the same. And then one day he just shows up with the biggest diamond ring he could find.

But this really just depends on which version of kisaki we're talking about. I have like 4 versions. I could see him properly proposing in a bought out 5 star restaurant, or under a wisteria tree. But I like the idea that we just fell deep enough in love to not worry about it, we both knew it was gonna happen. Plus: manga spoilers:

He proposed to hina in a parking lot, so a part of me doesn't really think that he cares that much about it. BUT if he fell in love and wasn't just infatuated with them he would probably put in a bit more effort.

#rue selfships #me n tetta #ahhhh thank you for asking!!!#it made me so happy 🥰🥰#i could talk about this stuff for daysssss #🗝.ruesaki

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maladaptive-ninja-returns · 5 years ago

Text

Dawn

Loki x fem!Reader

ONE/TWO/THREE SHOT

Warnings: mention of past trauma and fluff.

Summary: A truce to end all wars leads to an alliance between Earth and Asgard in the form of Loki marrying a mortal. None of them what this. None except fate.

Word Count: I know I have a lot of WiPs. They worry me. My office changed and now I have to travel forty minutes to and from the place and boy do I get tired after that! This is one of the reasons I’ve not been able to put up much. And I know this will lead to a lot of readers fading away (I have seen this happening already) which is okay. A little heartbreak but I’ll live. But I just hope everyone stays safe and takes care of themselves.

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever done."

"I think insulting your father in front of thousands of his Hydra henchmen is still on top."

The most anxious day of your life and Anthony Edward Stark still makes you feel at ease.

The reflection in the mirror in front of you is of a timid woman with not an ounce of beauty to her name but for the title that comes with her unworthy blood. At least that is what you think.

Tony can read it in those eyes that are still carrying the lost sleep from many nights gone.

"The Asgardians have no idea how lucky they are to have you. And your father was an idiot for giving you away."

He takes the golden chains from your hands that you're unable to lock at the back to do it for you. "But then again, if it weren't for you, we would have never won the war."

You mock a laugh. "Oh, come on, Mr Stark. I'm a freaking ball that was played by earth and Asgard's most unhinged boomers."

The clasp on the chain shuts and Tony's brows go up. "I could not have said it better. Odin does seem like he should chill out more."

"Right?"

You both chuckle and Tony presses away creases on your shoulder before catching your gaze in the mirror.

"You do know you don't have to go through this, Y/N. You just have to say the word and every one of us out there will fight those golden bastards for you."

Your lips stretch in an involuntary smile that fills your heart to the brim and you feel your eyes get wet for the man who has been more of a father to you than your own blood and bones. "You know that is exactly the reason I said yes to the wedding, right? I don't want any more bloodshed. Let's just take it as me repenting for my father's sins and call it a day. Although I'm glad this peace offering didn't come with shady terms like the Asgardians ruling earth or something."

Tony blinks and looks into some unknown void. "Hm." Some afterthought later he looks down at you adjusting a flower in his jacket's pocket, patting and jumping a little in excitement at how great he looked. "Maybe Odin wants to give one of his disappointments some responsibilities or something. To keep him busy, you know."

"Mm-hmm," you hummed, giving yourself one final look in the mirror before picking up the bouquet of Asgardian orchids- the golden flowers in full bloom.

"But honestly though, if he does something you don't like, you have to tell me. Or anyone of us. Nat! Yes, she will take care of him for you on the down-low. It'll be so quiet even he won't know what hit him."

You twirl around towards Tony, making him question the whole event once more. He could not let this happen to you. No. You deserved better. So much better than some egotistical maniac of a God who once wanted to rule your planet.

"Ready to walk me down the aisle?" You ask him with stars in your eyes.

"No?" He replies with clouds of doubt lingering over him.

"Tony."

"Okay, fine. But I am going to sulk about this throughout the wedding."

The great halls of the palace have been decorated with flora of all hues. Civilians have gathered outside to witness the wedding of their Prince. The old ones are curious about who would marry the adopted child. The young ones make merry, rejoicing their Prince has finally found love and the kingdom can once again celebrate after what seems like aeons. The guards have been doubled and the groom's brother is all over the place, running around to make sure everything is in order. It is only when Sif rolls her eyes and audibly groans before dragging Thor by his arms outside his brother's chambers does he stop. Be with your brother, he is ordered before she takes off to cover for him, leaving him to discover what he's been dreading all this week- what is Loki going to feel about this.

It surprises him when it does not take much to open the door and find his brother dressed in his most exquisite armour for the occasion. The gold glitters under the sun rays falling through the windows and balcony and the cape flutters luxuriously reminding every witness that none could carry one as Loki did.

Thor wonders how much of his mother's poise he sees in Loki while he stands overlooking Asgard. His eyes are taking in each and every living pixel while his hands are trying to scratch the nervousness off each other.

Mother would have loved to watch him start this new chapter today, Thor wonders gleefully on the inside.

Maybe it's the reluctant thought of their mother that travels unspoken across the room and makes the other brother turn around.

"Let's get this over with," Loki announces, walking towards the door.

Well, clearly not what I was hoping for, Thor muses, following his brother out.

"How are you feeling brother?" He has to ask.

"Like I might puke my insides any moment."

Vivid.

"Is there anything I can bring you that might ease your stomach?" I mean a brother can try, right?

"Oh yes, of course! Bring a very rare herb called common sense and feed it to your father. He seems to be suffering from this particular deficiency."

"Okay, Loki, that's a bit-"

"Say it's a bit on the nose and I will punch you in the face right now, Thor. I'm being married against my will to an earthling against her will. Father might be a professional matchmaker in his days but I am not one of his pawns to be used in some peace treaty like this."

Thor sighs because that is all he can do right now. No matter how much tries to defend the Allfather, the fact remains that two people are being brought together without much room for their thoughts and opinions. “Weren’t you the one to bring forth the idea of peace with the one planet that father has not tried to conquer and the one that still considers us friends? It is all for the better. And Y/N is an amazing woman. I am sure she would make a wonderful partner-”

“The peace holds because you are known to their heroes, Thor. And if peace is the subject let’s just marry you with Y/N, why don’t we?”

Thor mocks a muted laugh but Loki does not stir, staring at his blond brother with a piercing gaze that finally makes the former shift his weight uncomfortably between his legs. “That’s what I thought. Keep trying to defend the Allfather unless he stands against what you desire. You do realise this was the very reason I tried to stop you from becoming king in the first place at that time.”

Before he can get a word in- or at least try to think of one- Loki has already moved past the great doors to be welcomed by a crowd of royals gathered in the hall at one side and Y/N’s family on the other.

He knows. He knows deep within his heart that the royals are here just to witness what drama goes down this time, what does the bastard of Odin do this time to wreck chaos midst these celebrations. The other side? They are here to make sure they have his bones if Y/N says the word. So, it’s just another day in my life. But he has to admit to himself how he envies you for having a cavalry of the galaxy’s most lethal beings protecting you without so much as a word. What is this camaraderie exactly? A strategic alliance? A well-put band of the unfit?

It’s love, my dear.

It is not hard to miss Friga’s words fluttering inside once he climbs the stairs to stand by Odin’s side. Love, Loki mocks a laugh, it does make you do mad things. He is not paying attention to the grand speech Odin is giving, and for once he can relate to a yawning Clint in the front. All he wants is for this charade to end once and for all. So much that he might actually be happy if Y/N says no at the very last minute. Would save both of us some very awkward lifetimes ahead.

The great doors open again. Everyone rises from their seats to welcome the bride. Loki isn’t even interested in looking that way till the sun is reflected in his eyes from the veil that covers your face. And that is the first time he looks at you.

There is the strangest flutter inside his gut to witness his colours on someone else; on you. The armour in a matching shade of gold adorns your shoulders and arms. Gold chains have the honour of covering your chest and back, curving down from behind to the plates on your waist. Green of the gown dazzles like the galaxy moving around your existence, snug all around your curves. A Goddess walks on the land of Asgard. And every single soul is in awe.

Loki blinks under the light of the suns. The air seems to leave his lungs and time slows down. Everything fades away; except for the woman that walks towards him in arms with earth’s protector. His mind is questioning whether she is a mere human while his heart is trying to figure out the pressing sensation it is feeling.

“Lady Y/N, daughter of...under the care of the house of Stark,” Odin announces to the crowd, breaking Loki out the trance whilst he watches you climb the steps with Stark, come to stand by his side and give the man a kiss before he takes a step back, his gaze never leaving your face, waiting for a single line of doubt to take you away from all of this.

Well, one of the father figures understands.

“Time for the union,” Odin declares to the two of you.

You turn towards Loki, your heart beating in your ears as you watch your future husband for what seems like the rest of eternity through the veil. Even though you have been trying to convince everyone that it’s the right thing to do, your panicking heart seems to be having doubts of its own.

Breathe! Breathe, breathe, breathe, Y/N. Just breathe, please.

“Unveil her, Loki,” Odin softly orders the God.

You feel the heat run to your ears and neck. What fuckery-

“She will unveil herself, if she wants to, Allfather. Do not belittle her with your old traditions,” Loki points out, much to Odin’s dismay.

Damn right, Tony thinks to himself as he pauses and looks inside in disbelief for liking Loki there for a moment.

Loki does not miss your hands going to your solar plexus to wipe off the sweat before moving the veil back. The suns finally get to touch your face, that glows even when everything inside you cripples in anxiety. Y/E/C eyes meet the ocean of green looking at you with deep curiosity before you look away.

“Bring forward your hands unto each other so you may be tied by the fabric used by the first Gods to be wed under the suns and moons,” Sif requests as she holds a red fabric in her hand while her eyes travel to Thor standing at the end of the stairs.

Loki is first to bring forward his hands, patiently waiting for yours.

The hesitance is not for the ceremony as much as for the fear of him finding your drumming pulse under his touch. Oh, well, I’m pretty sure he can hear it from here right now. And so you bring forward your hands to slide into his, feeling the heat from your palms being siphoned by his cold ones.

A chill runs throughout your body; like a feverish tingle when your stomach is on the verge of throwing its contents out. And Loki seems to sense it too. It’s really hard to ignore for him, as a matter of fact. So is the repeated rise of your chest to breathe as much as you can while undergoing a panic attack; a state he is all too familiar with.

“Róaðu taugarnar á henni, gyðja styrks og umhyggju,” he whispers only for you to listen and still it does not make sense till you can feel an ascended calm run from your hands to the rest of your body, bringing the chaos to a standstill.

How did he-

The removal of clouds of anxiety seems to suddenly clear your vision and you watch the God holding you in a new light. His eyes are soft towards you, his touch careful and light. His head bows a little and his body is still as a boulder. If only I had a backbone like him, you wonder when Sif wraps the red around your hands, binding them together neatly with a bow on top.

“Time for your vows,” she whispers to the both of you with a smile before taking a step back.

You look at her and watch the face of a friend before your eyes come back to rest on the red fabric. So much power resides in this little piece of cloth.

“Under the stars of Valhalla,” Loki begins, bringing your eyes up from the fabric to his face like an involuntary reflex, “I take thee, Y/N, as my wife, if you shall have me. I vow to protect you and be by your side in life...and death.”

...okay...that was...okay.

You clear your throat as discreetly as possible, taking in one long breath before looking back at right into Loki’s eyes. “U-under the stars of Valhalla, I take thee, Loki, as my husband, if you shall have me. I-I vow to protect you and be by your side in life. And...and death.”

No sooner are the words said than the fabric starts to glow with a blinding light, turning into butterflies made purely of light and flying to the skies, marking the bond witnessed by the heavens old and new.

"If you need anything, your handmaidens will be a call away."

There is comfort in Sid's gentle smile. If only you could ask her to stay. But that's not usually how the night goes.

"Take care of her, brother," Thor comments before a strong pat comes for Loki's back and the God rolls his eyes.

You know Thor means well but those words in no way bring comfort to you as the doors to Loki's room opens and are shut behind the two of you.

Silence marks the first few seconds of being alone in a room for the first time. Well, not first really. There was that time when the two of you had to fight your way out of the Hydra's facility.

"Nice colour theme," you finally say out loud standing by the door, awkwardly swinging on your toes while holding a fur coat given to you when you were shivering at dinner.

Loki takes his helmet off and your eyes follow the raven strands of hair flowing in the night breeze dancing in from the windows and open balcony. How does he have such lush growth? Maybe it’s the water of Asgard.

The helmet rests on the table with a soft thud. “You can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch,” he states, already undoing his armour.

“Oh, no,” you press, taking a step towards him, “please, you don’t have to get uncomfortable in your own room on my account. I’ll take the couch. It looks more comfortable than my bed anyway. So…yeah. Um...where can I change?”

Loki blinks and turns his gaze towards an archway by the end of the wall. “That’s...the bathroom. Everything has been arranged for you in there.”

You nod even though Loki has already gotten busy with undoing what remains of his armour while you start on undoing yours. The bracelets come off first, then the earrings. But the worst is the clasps of chains choking you from your neck down your back. I should have asked Tony how he did it, dammit. No matter how much your hands try they just don’t seem to find the stupid openings anywhere.

“Allow me,” comes the voice from behind you, startling your already tensed nerves. And as if that isn’t enough, the touch of his cold fingers on your neck seems to fire up whatever nerve endings still seem to be working. Every undoing is soft and careful, always ending with a click. You can feel your hairs rise in anticipation of this foreign touch, goosebumps all over your back that you are pretty sure Loki can notice. You have to stop breathing in order to keep the shiver in check. It's only when your neck feels light once the last of the gold is removed do you take a lungful, catching the odd piece of jewellery in your hand, thanking Loki and hastily making your way to the doorless bathroom with a wooden partition made of intricate carvings as the only thing blocking the view on either side.

When you come out Loki has already changed into a loose black shirt over black pyjamas for the night, ready to take the couch. "I said I'll take the c-"

The creak followed by a crash drowns your words and makes you smack your hand on your mouth. The sofa lies in ruins on the floors, the legs done away with while the arms rests have fallen flat. And the thought of Loki almost sitting down on it fills you with the guilt of having the thought of laughing out loud at the scene.

"Oh, God. You okay?" You have to ask, partly because you did see him rise up safely thanks to his wonderful reflexes but mainly because the pressing jaw tells you somebody might die tomorrow morning.

"I'll have one of the servants clean this up," is all he says.

Servants. Ruined couch. Wedding night. That cannot go right in any way imaginable. Not at least for your overthinking mind.

"No, that's okay. We can share the bed," you blurt out, not wanting any outside attention, "i-if that's okay with you."

And so, both of you lie down on the king-sized bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what odd decisions did you have to make to get you here. Even though the space over the bed is surprisingly a lot, the senses just cannot help but notice the other one's tiniest movements, every breath, every gulp and every sigh in the silent night.

"I'm sorry," you finally manage to say softly, still staring at the ceiling while your fingernails gnaw at each other. "That you were dragged into all of...this. I really thought the whole gist of a wedding between two kingdoms was over on my planet."

Silence resumes and as the seconds pass you feel a shot embarrassment rise in your throat for saying that. Clearly Loki is not interested in hearing any of this, you moron. He's a God married to a dumb mortal. This must be the worst day of his-

"Don't apologize for the mindless traditions of old men, dear. We are just pawns in their quest for power."

Weight of the words aside, there is something really soothing about Loki's voice mixing with the sweet cold of the night.

"All of this could have been avoided if Odin took his word back and let you live as you wished, no matter what your father promised."

You agree in a hum, bringing the duvet closer to your chest.

"But I presume you thought it better to avoid blood and take it as it was presented to you."

The words in that honey laden voice seem to travel over your exposed skin like a feather.

"Yeah. Yes. It would have been the better option but I could not stand to watch my friends and family suffer anymore. Tony deserves to rest and live a happy life with his family. Steve and Bucky are finally getting around to find their love for each other. Natasha has settled down with Maria and Clint can finally stay with his family. The battle had already taken a toll on them. I would have rather killed myself than make them put their life on the line again for the whole...planet I guess."

You do not notice but Loki has turned his head to look at you, to notice the quick blink of your eyes, the tug of your fingers on the edge of the duvet, the lick of your lips before biting on them hard.

"Well-" you clear your throat, scratching your forehead for some invisible itch- "I'm human. So, I'm supposed to make the dumbest decisions. But I cannot imagine how you must be feeling mixed in all of this. I'm sure this is the last thing you wanted for yourself in exchange for some reduced sentence. T-that's what Thor told me."

You turn to look at him and are caught off guard by the moons shining in on the pair of greens looking at you with utmost interest. And once you lock your gaze with them, it's hard to let go. Swimming in the springs in a forest under a full moon night while the world sleeps, that's what his gaze feels like. Why wouldn't it; they seem to be touching you in crevices untouched and unbared.

He continues to watch you and sigh. "To be honest I stopped putting any hope in Odin to think about me a long time ago. Nothing he does to me or for me surprises me anymore."

Your lips pucker down, letting the words sink in before you decide to turn in his direction.

"Well, I'll try to make this situation suck a little less as I can...though I highly doubt I'd be able to create much havoc here."

"Oh-" Loki feels his eyes close as a smirk lands on his face and he turns in your direction too- "trust me, darling. With me, there is no corner of this place that you cannot create havoc in."

You find yourself chuckling, letting a few seconds pass before you lick your lips and wonder whether to let out this tiny naughty piece of your mind into bed between the two of you.

The lick and the tug of your teeth at your mesmerising lips do not go unnoticed by the God; something that is soon brewing a question about why his insides are so restless at the sight of your lips having to feel the torture. Curse the unknown! "What?"

"Hm?"

"There is something you want to say but you're not allowing yourself to."

You take a deep breath and move your head just a little closer towards him in order to whisper. "It's not that I'm not mischievous... it's just that I'm often presumed to be the embodiment of a golden child and so I've never been caught. Ever."

The slight shift in Loki's expression that elevates from seriousness to confusion calls for clarification.

"I...once laced your brother's drink with laxatives because he pissed me off."

Confusion.

Surprise.

Shock.

"Y/N Y/L/N," Loki nearly gasps, feeling his head rise from the fluffy pillow, "you did what?"

And the night drowns with the light laughter and old stories for the mutual feeling of detest for siblings and contrast in the view of the world. Discussions went on through the timeless breeze blowing throughout the night about the worlds beyond and the things undiscovered; everything riding on a melody till one of you feel victim to the sweet sounds of slumber.

Loki's eyes are stuck on you all night, watching the serenity washing over your face as all worries seem to fall away while you let yourself drift in peace. Beautiful seems to be an understatement according to the God.

Even though she's an immortal, she does not deserve to be tied to me for eternity. That's a fate too cruel.

But something inside him does not want these words to be true; a gentle tug to his heartstrings by you, that seems to have struck a chord he cannot stop playing.

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starwars-oc-ship-week · 3 years ago

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keep hesitating

i’ve actually been dying to do this ship week. tyche and enlil are my favorites and they’re a disaster! cw for: gambling, mentions of alcohol, sex mentions. if you wanna see my art of them they both have tags on my blog!

Tyche Basha meets her future husband for the first time.

Most people have this happen. You meet a future partner for the first time, you look in their eyes, and sometimes there is something special from that very moment onwards. But Tyche didn’t expect to. She liked herself the way she was. She didn’t want to change.

That wasn’t on her mind, though, that night. Nar Shaddaa wasn’t somewhere for that sort of fantasy. It was her workplace more than anything. A friend of her biggest cash cow, Grakkus, had come to her with a very specific complaint and an open ultimatum, and for such a fat sum of credits, it was supposed to be easy. Some gambling rogue who owed a hefty few credits and had accidentally lured Imperials into his casino— barely any rougher than satin and poor in a fight, but inexplicably most bounty hunters hadn’t taken him. She figured they were probably having some difficulty getting him to stick around when he got to realizing what was going on— and with more opulent prey, or rich brats, they did usually just leave like that. It made quick kills hard.

This one— Enlil Velas— allegedly was an Imperial defector, by rumor. He was a medic of some sort at one point, and still practiced, but had become a career gambler with arm candy on every planet. Arhan, pretty, and he knew it. He owed the Hutt cartels enough for Tyche to take interest, at least, and she wasn’t cheap. Even so, she was considering double dipping her reward for such a good job. That was, if they’d take her fake identifications here. She had switched up her strategy with Atro aboard; the Snow Kite was too pretty a ship to let get scuffed in a fight.

She had shifted her strategy for this, too. She wasn’t going for a good strategic fight and kill, or the silent, stalking of her prey. She was the bait and lure and hook all in one. If he had a thing for pretty faces, then Tyche would play along. It was how she kept half her contracts, anyways. Very few people said no to such lovely cornflower skin and golden eyes, or ignored a figure like hers.

So she slipped into a minidress, glossed her lips, and pulled on her favorite heels. Clutching a jeweled purse close, pretending to be shy, she inched into the casino. Flashing lights, Sabacc tables, dancing girls, neon drinks— this would be her place if she hadn’t had to be a good actress. And like a good actress, she found her audience nearly immediately.

In the dim corner, was a man with skin like an orchid, a tower even sitting, with a waterfall of silky black hair He was wearing a very tacky gold jumpsuit, she thought— certainly too much for anyone, but especially on someone so long and lanky. He absently flirted with the drink girl, who giggled. Nobody else would do this, she thought, sitting down across from him at the only empty seat at the card table.

“Hey,” said a soft tenor from across the table. “I’m on a winning streak, so I’ve been buying all the prettiest people at the table drinks. Do you want one?” He swirled a glass, and Tyche knew immediately this was the kind of guy she would’ve laughed with for one night under different circumstances before ditching in the morning.

“Hm?” She perked up, feigning temporary confusion. “Oh, uh— sure! I don’t really know any local specialties so just get me something sweet. Can you deal me in?” she asked the droid.

“Put down your credits,” said the droid, and Tyche obliged, crossing her ankles.

“So,” said Enlil, making his first play, “have you played Pazaak?”

“When I was a little girl,” said Tyche meekly, a lie— and something flashed in her opponent’s dark eyes.

“Here. Let me show you. Bet’s off, this first one is on me. You get to twenty— see, that’s a five,” he said, a finger hovering over her deck. “You can’t go over or you lose. Let’s play.”

“A—alright,” she said, reshuffling her deck. “So what’s your name? I haven’t been to many casinos. I’m glad I found a friendly face.”

“Enlil,” he said with a smile. “But now I’ve got to ask, too. What’s yours?”

“Tyra,” she said meekly. “I’m just visiting friends. But I wanted to experience the nightlife.”

“You couldn’t have found a better guide,” he hummed, flipping a card and tucking it into his hand.

Tyche shyly hid her face behind her cards. “So where did you learn to play?” she asked.

“Med school,” he said calmly. “Surprised?”

“A little,” she lied. “But you seem awfully smart.”

“Not that smart,” he said. “I dropped.”

“Oh,” she said. “My line of work isn’t so exciting. I’m in finance.”

“So you really know how to gamble, don’t you? That must be how you afforded such a pretty dress?”

Tyche giggled. “Please, let me focus on the game!”

“You’re very cute when you’re concentrating.” He grinned. “You get a little dimple on the bridge of your nose.”

“Shh!” she giggled as the waitress brought her drink. “It’s embarrassing!”

“That is not even close to embarrassing,” he said with a dry smile. “Embarrassing is getting recognized by a friend of your parents when you’re losing in Sabbac. You’re just precious.”

“Do you really think so?” She tucked a drifting white strand of hair behind her ear.

“Of course,” he said, winking and taking a sip of his drink.

“Maybe you wouldn’t mind showing me one of the machines I saw towards the back parlor? I— I couldn’t get the hang of it.” Here she went. Clean games, she thought. Clean.

“Oh, sure, honey.” He stood— a whole foot and a half over poor Tyche, who was already short for a woman, but he offered his arm like a gentleman anyways. She led the way, past the loud thrumming music and laughter and concealing smiles and dancing, to the door to one of the maintenance rooms.

“You sure this goes any—“ he began as she opened the door, but before he finished that, she had a blaster to his stomach, concealed and barely larger than her palm.

“You’re smart,” she said, any trace of the sweet naive girl gone from her intonation. “Let’s figure out the game inside.”

The hatch slid shut behind them, and she reached onto the holster strapped to her thigh, picking her vibroblade for this occasion. With a flick of her wrist, she extended it, and kicked him swiftly in the back of the legs, then used his gangly instability to her advantage, shoving him straight to the ground in one motion.

“Alright. You know what I’m here for. Time’s up with the Hutts. I want some quick questions answered before—“

Before she finished the job.

His hair had slid back behind his shoulders. They were wearing the same earrings. She had bought them from a street vendor on Mygeeto with her sister many years ago. They were her favorite. His were identical, minus a few handmade touches or anomalies.

“Before…”

His beetle-black eyes were wide with fear. He wasn’t a threat. He was an expensive target but other than play a few bad hands, what had he done? Those eyes of hers— it was just like Atro, back on the ship. She couldn’t be going soft and picking up another stray cat. She couldn’t.

She couldn’t finish this.

“Before I get you out of here. Everyone on Nar Shaddaa wants you taken care of. I’m getting you offworld.”

“You aren’t with the Empire, are you?” There was a tremor in his voice. “They’ve been tracking me down trying to recruit me again for months.” Recruit meant force. Tyche shivered.

“No. I’m just getting some guy who’s in over his head off world.” She reached out a hand. “You said you’re a doctor?”

“Well, loosely,” he shrugged. “I was a battlefield medic after I failed to make a doctorate. The Empire is pretty fast and loose with its—“

“You know what you’re doing?” she asked, cutting him off.

“Well enough.”

“Then you know exactly how badly I could hurt you if you try that flirty pretty boy shit with me again. We’re going to my ship and you won’t say a word. You’re going to respect me and my mechanic, you’re going to stop that schtick, and we’re going to find a way for you to scrounge up the cash to pay back the Hutts.”

“You’re serious?” he said, staring at Tyche in disbelief.

“Yeah.” She wished she wasn’t. “And my name isn’t Tyra. It’s Tyche Basha.”

“The Tyche Basha of glamorous, charming, heartbreaker assassin fame?”

“Overstated and untrue reputation,” she said dismissively. “But sure. That one.”

“And you’re—“

“Don’t thank me,” she said, opening the door and walking out. “It’s barely any trouble.”

“Well, you could’ve made a lot of money. I know you were about to kill me.” He pushed his hair behind his ears. “I’m not as stupid as you thought.”

“That remains to be seen. You couldn’t tell I knew how to play Pazaak already. And you messed up the directions.” She smiled. “I parked on the lower plaza. Let’s get walking.”

#starwarsocshipweek2021 #submission #Star Wars oc ship week #oc x oc

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Surveys #417-419

Been slacking on posting these, so here’s like three surveys over the past few days divided up. I just don’t feel like posting them individually. Beware, it’s a long post, haha.

Do you believe that animals don’t have souls? I lean towards the idea that they, at least more complex species with actual sentience, do in some way. It's hard to imagine like, a fly having a soul, but it's a nice thought. You could NEVER convince me some don't, though, like my late dog Teddy, Sara's old chameleon Jem, and I could go on and on. Have you ever not been able to swallow pills? No, I've always been able to. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to? Maybe like, Quinn. Something you don't hear a lot, for sure. Something more memorable. What are your thoughts on orange soda? Orange cream soda is BOMB. Man, been so long since I've had that stuff... Are you good with children and/or animals? Don't mean to brag, but people say I'm like a magician with animals. No matter what it is, I bond with it. Children, not so much. I'm awkward around them. Who in your life makes you smile the most? My cat, ha ha. If you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? Hm. Maybe high up in the mountains or in the Kalahari Desert. Do you plan on going to your high school’s reunion? No. I'm pretty sure I'd shatter from memories just entering the building. Would you want revenge on someone if they killed someone special to you? Or would you find it in your heart to forgive? "Forgive" my ass. They'd better get what's coming to them, even if I've gotta be the person to deliver it. Is there someone you are dying to see? More than I think anyone could possibly know. But it's probably better if I never do. Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Married, yes. Having kids, no. I could only picture that in one phase of my life, but like I called it: a phase. I should never be a mother, nor do I want to be one to begin with, so yeah, no kids for me. Do you like to take walks? If my legs were actually worth a shit, yes, I would, if it's in a nature-filled area. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White. Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No. Could you say something good about the last person you kissed? She's very resilient. Why are you single? Because 1.) I'm a very unappealing example of an adult, 2.) I'm not exactly very attractive, and 3.) I'm basically a hermit, so I don't meet people. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? Hypothetically, in almost any case, I wouldn't. My imaginary boyfriend can have female friends. But I'll admit if it was like, an ex-girlfriend or something and it was a seriously intense hug, I might. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yes, but I mean, who doesn't. Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? You make this sound so scandalous lmao. Yes, plenty of times. I dated a dude and briefly lived with him for three and a half years. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Who was the last person that you cried in front of? I'm sure it was Mom. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. Do you remember every single person that you’ve kissed? Yeah. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, oh yeah. The planet itself, given the infinite nature of the universe, also yes. At SOME point, even if it's zillions of years down the line, Earth is gonna get fucked by something. Are you socially awkward? I am the literal avatar of "socially awkward." Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Horror. Who is your favorite actor/actress? MARK IS A FUCKIN' ACTOR, Y'ALL. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Are you good at admitting your problems? HA! Yeah. ezpz Have you ever had a hangover? No, never been drunk to begin with. Do you know any strippers? No. How many times have you dyed your hair? I ain't counting. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Dinosaurs. Do you think you eat healthy? I try to. I have my bad days, though. Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? My immune system is the fucking MVP. I am just about never, ever sick. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate, duh. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah, no biggie. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? Omg no, I woulda been mortified. Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? Yeah, as a kid. Would you rather have a cat or a dog? I prefer cats. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Like... six times, I wanna say. What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Orchids, but I also love dahlias. I've actually noticed that I've really had a greater "thing" for flowers lately. Like don't get me wrong, I've always loved flowers very much, but I've just found myself more drawn to them than usual, especially when taking the daily hour ride to the TMS office. Do you watch Toddlers and Tiaras? FUCK no. That show disgusts and angers me so much. If someone asked you to go to war today, what would you say? Yeah, no. Funny joke. I couldn't go anyway due to mental health issues and a suicidal history. Do you own an old vintage typewriter? We used to when I was little. I have no idea what happened to it, though?? Hell, maybe we still have it somewhere, but I doubt that. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ew, does ANYONE like the smell of fish??? Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I got a few pages into The Fault in Our Stars, but stopped for no real reason. I didn't not like it or anything, I was just still in my "I don't read" episode. Are you a protective person? VERY. I'm a fucking guard dog over those I love most. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're cute. I especially think emperor penguins are very majestic. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don’t have a favorite author. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? Neither's. I think my maternal grandpa had blue eyes, though? I'm not sure at all, though. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? Not sure. Has there ever been a murder in your town? "A" murder? Thems is rookie numbers for my neck of the woods, fella. This place is known for crime, and that includes murder. When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing? Well, I have seriously severe sleep apnea, so... but the diagnosis came as a surprise to me, because I never DID think this. But sure enough, did a sleep study, and in just one hour's time, I stopped breathing like what, 30 times? What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Stupid drivers. Do you have any life-changing plans within the next 6 months? I guess getting a job could be pretty life-changing. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? I'm very, very scared. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? Hm, I dunno. Where does your grandma live? Both of mine are dead, but my paternal grandmother lived in Michigan, while my maternal one technically lived in Florida, but stayed in New York with her son's family a whole lot. I don't really know where she stayed more. Do you know how to read music? Not anymore. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone special? Not so much the song, but the band. Motionless In White is one of his all-time favorites, so I can't listen to them without thinking of Jason. Sucks because they've been becoming one of MY favorites, too, so I listen to them a lot. If the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? I'd tell him he was in a love with a person who no longer exists. It's impossible for him to be in love with me now when he doesn't know how much I've changed. If Facebook made you pay would you still use it? Ha, no. Have you ever been recorded on film without your permission? Not that I know of? Tell me about your last boyfriend? He's a wonderful person. He's been there for me without fail since we became friends in high school band, and he is SO fucking funny. He's always cared a lot about me, and I care a lot about him, just not in the same way he does me. He's like my big brother. Are your parents racist? My dad definitely is. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math and economics both sucked. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Almost certain no. I'm pretty sure Dad didn't fight for custody at all, but it could've been something Mom just never told me. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I NEVER could. Do you have any siblings you neglect? .-. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? I went to Vacation Bible School, if that counts. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah, until that big news story about a dirty needle pricking a child. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Not to my knowledge. I highly doubt it. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Cheese quesadilla with fiesta potatoes. Rarely a pair of those cinnamon ball thingies. Ever consider a sex change? Nah. Do you eat whip cream straight out of the can? EW no. I hate the texture of whipped cream. What do you think of popcorn? Loooove. Have you ever dated any of your friends’ ex? No. Well, it's funny, Rachel (both Juan's and Jason's ex) and I are friends now, but definitely weren't at the time of us being together. Have you ever gone out with someone even though one of your friends liked that person first? If yes, did you feel bad? If no, were you tempted to? No. Would you rather be a rich musician, or a rich actor? Musician. What was the last charity you donated to? I don't recall. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? I've told the "my friends and I saved hundreds of tadpoles" story enough times, so for this question, I'll just talk about when I would go fishing with Dad as a kid. Back then, if I got bored of actually fishing, I would walk along the riverbank and try to catch tadpoles and minnows in my hands. It was soooo fun to Kid Brittany. Do you walk fast or slow? I walk pretty damn slow. Can you juggle with more than two items? I can't juggle, period. Do you like jalapenos? Yeah! Do you like kiwis? Yessss, I love kiwi! Does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? Who is it anyway? I don't know if she still does, but my little sister used to go deer hunting with a friend.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Yeah, my pet snake's 40 gallon terrarium. What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? It's quite diverse, but I think I mostly have templates for specific character profiles. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No, I'm a good noodle. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Certainly! It's beautiful there. If you have a cat, does it ever “converse” with you? Oh, ABSOLUTELY. When I talk to him, he sure does try to answer me and it's the cutest thing, ha ha. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Yeah, that’s what I use. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Yeah, guess he changed his mind. Name one of your ex’s mother’s names? Virginia. Does your favorite song have a meaning? BIG TIME. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? I've written one. .-. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? When I was changing her diaper, she got up and ran around naked in the house. ;-; Do you own a nightgown? No. If you could get any pet right now, what would you get? i. want. my. tarantula. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No. That is just such a TV trope that I've never even heard of happening irl. Do you/did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I only had a locker in middle school, and I believe I didn't. I didn't want one in HS. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never a Legos kid; I played with Lincoln Logs. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Fuck no, man. Or ever. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don't have one, really. Are there any books you want to read? Besides the series I'm reading, I want to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but idk if I'll ever get to it, really. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? We don't have a close relationship, but I am nevertheless. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not really, it seems. First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? J, T, D, S. Do you like going to school sports games? No, I hated it. When Ash was a cheerleader, Mom made me go, and I was never happy about it. Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? An ex-boyfriend's, yeah. Did you get into your mom’s makeup when you were a kid? I don't think I did? Do you want anything pierced? Ugh, a lot of places. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating when you actually didn’t? I've never been accused of cheating. Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? No. I'm quite the opposite. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? Too many, really. What are you doing this summer? Nada. Do you still watch MTV? I never did. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yes. What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it? I'm unemployed. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? ^, and this might sound stupid, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't. Especially tattoos. No job is stopping me from doing things that improve my self-esteem and body image, particularly when I LOATHE my body. If a little bit of art makes me feel better about myself? Nobody is stopping me. What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love? "Crocs. Whyyyy?" <<<< THIS. First people hated them, now they love them??? They're hideous as shit. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don't really know. How often do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough for someone with skin as dry as mine. Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated? Yeah. Mom recently brought some old toys, I think? How weight conscious are you? You have no fucking idea. Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I prefer going to a theater. I enjoy the experience. What’s the biggest personality trait turn-off for a potential partner? Probably being an explosive/volatile person. I can't with that. Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I already am to regulate my period and tame the cramps. And if I was sexually active, I absolutely would want to be on it. What's your favorite late night tv show? I don’t have one. At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week? No. Do you have a favorite vocalist? Who? Queen's Freddie Mercury will probably always top the list. If you have a favorite photographer, can you describe their work? I don't have a favorite photographer. Surprisingly. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? If it's with someone I'm in love with and am in the mood, sure. What is one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? I did NOT expect to reach 25 like... *gestures at self* this. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never handle euthanizing pets and watching the families' hearts break. How long have you lived in the house you live in? Not even a year. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'm definitely sadder. Especially today. Do you like Subway? I do. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever found a spider on your bed? Yes. It's the scariest shit when one skitters across your blanket, because like, you LEAST expect it to happen in the comfort of your own bed. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not even remotely, if I'm being honest. I'm at a real low. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Years ago, when I was a vegetarian and went there for the veggie burger. How often do you cry? lol a lot Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Can you wire a plug? ... I don't even know what you mean by "wire a plug," so obviously no lmfao. Where were you when you got your first period? Well I think I actually *started* at school, but I noticed when I got home. Can you drive? I mean I'm capable, but I'm an incredibly anxious, overly passive, and just generally terrified driver. I'm so scared of when I finally get new glasses and therefore a new permit... but I have to get used to driving. Living where I do, public transportation is very, very limited, and I just can't have people driving me places the rest of my life. Exercise or healthy eating? I sadly hate exercising SO much. I'd rather eat healthy. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? Yeah. Are you more attracted to men or women? This can actually vary with time, which I originally thought was weird but is apparently normal for some bisexual individuals. There are spans where I feel more sexual attraction to men, and then other times women. Has anyone ever called you rich? God no, I am so far from it. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. Are you considered a very sensitive person? I'm way too sensitive for my own good. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes, my dad. I regret that letter I sent him so, so much. I honestly don't know how he can treat me with so much love after the shit I said. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I am... astonishingly behind on Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. I know, seriously incredible. I just don't watch TV, man. It's strange, I'm into the show, of course I am, I just... don't like sitting myself in front of a television and purely watching it. I'll catch up, though. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. But it's not like people have a reason they grind their teeth... they just do. Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I could, but I'm not going to. It'll just upset me. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but he is definitely not my friend. I can't stand his bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist ass. I don't know or care what his favorite food is. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab and Sinow play Resident Evil 5. People can say all they want about RE5, but I love it. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Waffles, but only if they're still soft enough to not be considered crunchy. I prefer them because I can put peanut butter on them, and the grooves catch the syrup instead of just absorbing it all like pancakes. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I don't/can't drink diet sodas because the artificial sweetener gives me a KILLER headache. Are you craving anything right now? You guys have no idea how badly I want Taco Bell for whatever reason. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? The latter. What was your first pet’s name? So, there's three answers to this. I was born into the family while we had a collie named Trigger, but I have absolutely zero memory of her. She passed when I was too young. Our first family pet that I clearly remember was Chance, our rescued cat. My first *personal* pet was either a guinea pig named Squeak or Chinese water dragon named Shadow. I can't remember who came first. Who was your best friend in elementary? It changed with the years, but I can say the three biggies were Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Probably Coach Collie. He was so wise, kind, funny... He was all-around just wonderful and taught so many life lessons. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Always. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Waking up and doing my first sweep of the Internet before I get bored outta my fucking senses. Do you read any web comics? No.

Do you drink bottled water? Yeah, but like any water, it has to be COLD. Not room temperature. Not a tad chilly. I mean cooooold. When did you last use a straw? Earlier. I have a metal straw I use to drink water with because I drink faster through a straw, and with it being water, of course I want to try to drink as much as I can when I actually choose to drink water. Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? No. Do you know anyone who lies to make themselves look more interesting? My former best friend did that. She was an online friend, so it made it easy. I finally caught on and called her out on it, and then she just totally dipped. Do you like to sing? Not that much, honestly. Like sometimes I feel like it, sure, but not frequently. Are your parents in good health? No, not really. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No. I feel bad saying it, but I know I never could be. I could NOT clean another human being. It's one of the bajillion reasons I'm not having kids. Do you like to take naps during the day? "Like" isn't the right word. I just... need to. Most days, there is NO way I can make it 'til night without one. What movie was your favorite to see in the movie theater? Even though it was sincerely a sucky movie, I really enjoyed watching Silent Hill: Revelation because I saw the 3D version, plus the hype over my favorite franchise getting a new movie was just very exciting. Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character? I was never into that. Ever watched The Blair Witch Project? Yes, and I positively adore it. I genuinely think it's a genius horror movie, never showing, but telling through other methods. Have a favorite AC/DC song? Probably "You Shook Me All Night Long." Are you good at selling candy for those fundraiser things? Omg nooooo I HATED doing that shit, especially when some amount of sales were like, required for whatever bullshit reason. I hate hate hate advertising to people. My parents always bought them instead. Have you ever had a crush on someone too old for you? No. Well, besides James Hetfield, ha ha. What's your favorite Dr. Suess quote? I don't know enough quotes to have one. If you were to have wings, what would you want them to look like? Dark and dragon-esque with lots of rips and tears in them... but not enough to stop me from flying, ha ha. Have you ever broken up with someone to find you want them back later? No. Has anyone ever dared you to eat a chili pepper? Did you do it? No. Have you ever tried Thai food? No. Have you ever watched Avatar? The TV show, not the movie. I've seen I think one season with Sara so far? I actually quite enjoy it. What's your cellphone's signature for text? WOW this survey is ancient. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don't smoke it. Do you often take painkillers? I dunno about "often," but headaches to the point I take something aren't rare for me. Do you wish you were in a relationship? I mean yes, but I know it's for the better I'm not. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? I feel extremely guilty. I try not to think about it. Where have you lived for the most part of your life? Eastern NC. How old are you? 25. What are you listening to at the moment? Powerwolf came out with a new album, so I've been bingeing the shit out of some songs, ha ha. Right now it's "Blood For Blood." Do you watch WWE Raw? Ew, no. I have NEVER gotten the appeal of wrestling. Just like... why????? Do you dye your hair? Nowhere near regularly. :/ I haven't had it dyed in a very long time, and I hate it. I love colored hair. We just can't afford that expense on something so little. My hair does NOT take dye easily, so we have to have a professional do it, and that isn't exactly cheap. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mother, so. Have you fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college when I would be in the library between classes, though, I've dozed before. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, but not for physical issues. Do you make fun of obese people? You're talking to someone who is. So obviously no, and you're a piece of fucking shit if you do. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie. Have you ever tried to headbang? No. Even as a metalhead, I don't get it, man. You're asking for a headache. Do you own any Converse? What do you think of them? I have a few and like them. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I mean, I'm an admin on two sites, so I guess? Were your ancestors royalty? Yeah, I'm related to one of the Queen Victorias, I believe. I just know she had a thing for beheading people, ha ha. What do you like on your pasta/noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? Just tomato sauce and meatballs, really. Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way? My fucking ex-best friend. You could never, ever give her enough and she just... blegh. She was so fucking ungrateful for everything people did for her. It was just never enough. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)? I've held snakes, rats, lizards, and a tarantula. Who did you last play truth or dare with? No clue. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Yeah, they've moved out. What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I'd probably say my champagne ball python. A lot of people don't even know ball python morphs exist, so seeing her might surprise some people. Do you like Doritos? Yeah. When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? No, but I need to learn how to... I just HATE doing it. Have you used bugspray recently? No. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? Yesssss. Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? No. Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? Most of Jason's and my relationship felt like one. Hence why the breakup felt so sudden and just impossible. Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? Not even remotely. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Spread Teddy's ashes in Yellowstone. I promised him. Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I am an adult, and it sucks. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Any meat that was hunted. Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? I don't believe so. When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Mostly Disney films, like The Lion King and Finding Nemo. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Do you know what you want for your dream house? Nope. I honestly don't really care about having a "dream" house to begin with. I just need one that's cozy to me and gets the job done. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Many, many times. It's my favorite romance movie. Have you ever used the photo editing site “Picnik”? No, not to my memory. Has an animal ever taken a strong dislike to you? Our old dog Bentley didn't like me all that much, and I didn't like him, either. Have you ever attempted to cut your own hair? No. Do you have a lucky or special coin? No. Do you love ice cream cake more than normal cake? No. Do you check your email daily? No. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually. For a while many years ago, my old laptop left subtle burn marks on my legs. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? My nephew's is next month. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I doooo. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Ha, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Maybe when I went to SeaWorld as a kid? Did you ever have one of those easy bake ovens as a kid? Yup. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure. What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? Red velvet. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Two people. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve met online? Sara. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? I was very afraid of dolls as a kid, so I obviously didn't have one. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I mean, I'm a wannabe photographer that sells my service. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Can you still fit into kid’s clothes? Hell no. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What do you make wishes on? I only ever do for the tradition of it on my birthday. I don't believe in the magic of wishes, though. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Are you bitter about anything? Probably always will be. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? Never had one. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? Yes. It was identified as a fracture, but a break and a fracture are technically like the same thing, so. At a skating rink, I fell and landed on my hand so the top of it nearly touched my arm, so my wrist got FUCKED. I will never, ever forget the severity of the pins and needles feeling and just the experience in general. It hurt so goddamn bad. Is this the best year of your life? Fuck no.

#in other words i don't feel like thinking up song lyrics for three surveys at once lmao #survey #surveys #random questions

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