#a lot easier to shit on ladies amirite??

[jlf23tumble]

So Louis was in LA before Christmas, came back to the uk to spend Christmas and New Year in Doncaster, then went to London, and now he’s back in LA. What are people not getting about the fact that this clearly shows he brought F to the uk for Christmas and now he’s taken him back to LA.

[psycho-slytherin]

Strangers ch. 36

Your relationship with Yoongi gets picked apart, and the commercial begins.

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count: 2.3k

Genre: fluff, angst

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Your heart drops into your stomach, rips through your body, and continues down through the Earth’s crust. “Oh, c’mon, that wasn’t me. You have to know that wasn’t me.” It’s who I was before I knew you, a voice in your head echoes. God, did you love this man before you met him, before you fully registered that he was real.

Yoongi laughs. “Oh, I figured– I only wanted to tease you. You’ve been hacked, right?”

“I must’ve been, yeah. I haven’t liked any tweets like that.” You wink exaggeratedly. “At least, not since I knew you.” There’s something about the newfound freedom in your heart, the lightweight truth, that lends you far more confidence than you’ve had lately. He is your friend, after all. 

Yoongi rests his elbows on the table. “I just hope you’ve changed your password already, before your hacker does it first.”

“Oh shit, you’re right!” You’ve had the same password for most of your online accounts for years, and it’s probably time to change them around before someone else gets into your electronic life. You hurriedly grab your phone and change your Twitter password; thankfully, it doesn’t seem like whoever trolled you did so first. 

“How are you doing, by the way? With the cold, I mean.”

“Heh, what do you think?” You unzip your jacket to reveal a sweater underneath. After your photoshoot yesterday, you felt like you’d never be warm again. “It’s weird, I never minded the cold before.”

“After what happened, it’s no wonder you’re traumatized.” Yoongi rests a reassuring hand on your shoulder, and some part of your heart begins to sing. “Just, you gotta know that your body is warm enough already, and I don’t want you to get heatstroke from all those layers.”

“I’ll be careful.” Seoul’s central hospital is probably sick of you at this point, not that you can blame them. 

“Good.” Yoongi leans back, and the loss of contact is almost startling. “Watcha up to this week, workaholic?”

“Besides Moon Over the Sea?” You check your work calendar, the one both you and Lisa have access to. “I’ve got a commercial shoot for some cologne all day Friday and Saturday.”

Yoongi whistles. “Why’ve they got you scheduled for men’s cologne? And damn, I was gonna ask if you wanted to come over to our place Saturday night for dinner but it sounds like you’ll be busy. We’re gonna be working in Japan but we get back Saturday.”

“Don’t count on it, but I’ll see if I can make it. I’ll text you, yeah?”

“Sure.” Your friend rises from his chair. “Well, I better be off. See ya tomorrow for filming, and…” he winks. “Don’t get too distracted by my tongue, hm?”

Every drop of blood in your body rushes to your cheeks as Yoongi bursts out laughing. “I was hacked, you goddamn flirt!” You swat at him, forcing your racing heart to calm. “God, does Hobi know you’re cheating on him?”

“You know him, he’s worse than I am.” Yoongi’s voice is still full of mirth, his lips pulled back to expose his gums. It’s the kind of expression you died for when you were an ARMY… and it seems it’s still affecting you now. 

“Just go away, nerd. Aren’t you working on your next mixtape?”

“Yeah, and it’s gonna be fire.”

“Enjoy arson then, but enjoy it in your own studio. I have homework.” With a final lighthearted salute, Yoongi departs and you’re left alone in your apartment, your heart hammering dangerously. You don’t have homework. Or, you do, but you certainly don’t plan on doing it. You’re an actress now, and gaining acclaim. You have better things to do– which is why it’s so frustrating that you’re letting Yoongi mess with your head. You thought you’d put the feelings you’d had as an ARMY behind you– those childlike emotions, the rush of excitement that left you reeling, the breathlessness at his every verse– you’d fallen in love with Suga, just like every other ARMY. 

Once you got to know Yoongi, and not just Suga, you were certain your heart would stop skipping a beat when you saw him. And it did for a while, when you were dating Xiumin. But now, now that you’re supposed to be dating Suga…

It feels… different. You feel different. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by your buzzing phone. More hate comments, you’re sure. One of these days you’re gonna be mad enough to respond to the shit you’re getting, and that’s gonna be a fucking good day. 

The days pass, and the filming of Moon Over the Sea continues smoothly. 

“Ji-Woo! A letter! Ji-Woo’s got a letter!” The actress playing one of your sisters hurries to you, clutching an elegant envelope.

“A letter?” The rest of your character’s family crowds around you as your ‘mother’ speaks. “Go on, Ji-Woo, read it!”

You tear open the prop envelope. “It’s from Mr. Moon’s sister…” You pretend to read. The scene is all about you discovering that Yoongi’s character has gone back to the city without warning, even after he said he loved you. It’s about you learning that you’ll never see him again.

Never seeing Yoongi again… the thought makes your heart ache and you feel tears begin to well up, almost spilling over. You grip the paper tighter, struggling to maintain your composure. Yoongi’s not on set today, and it makes it easier for you remember those times, those terrible, stupid times when you and Yoongi stopped talking for weeks or months because of some dumb argument or another. You can’t even begin to imagine being truly separated from your friend again.

“Oh, give me that!” Your sister snatches the letter out of your hand– you’d been so zoned out you forgot to say your lines. Shit, what kind of actress are you? “It says that they’re leaving for the city! Without a goodbye? I thought for sure that Mr. Moon was in love with Ji-Woo!”

“Oh, mercy!” Your mother wails, wringing her hands. “I was so certain there’d be a wedding by the end of the summer!”

You turn sharply. A wedding? As if Yoongi would ever marry you. Yet how many times had you, as his fan, dreamt of such a day?

Bo-Young, the main character, draws you away. “Are you alright, Ji-Woo?”

“I’m-” At last, you’re able to recall your lines, what you’re here for. “I’m perfectly fine. We were friendly acquaintances… nothing more.” Yes, just strangers. You remember when you had to pretend Yoongi was a stranger to you, and not a man you’d fallen for four years earlier. You summon that familiar sense of utter denial and let it rest upon your shoulders, relaxing your features, even as you feel close to breaking.

“Come, Ji-Woo, I know that’s not true!” “I said I’m fine, sister.” you reply sharply.

“And cut! That was spectacular, ladies, I think we’re keeping that take– Jeongyeon, good improvising. And y/n…” Avery turns to you. “That was great acting. Really great. I could feel the emotion there.”

“No wonder, it’s her boyfriend that’s left,” one of your costars, Jeongyeon, giggles. “She’d better get used to it.”

“Jeongyeon!” Bo-Young scolds. “That’s mean.”

“What? Y/n’s dating Suga from BTS! You really think they’re going to stay together?” Jeongyeon shoots you a glance. “Sorry, y/n, it’s just the truth.”

“Oh, I…” There’s nothing you can say. “I mean, you’re allowed to speak your mind.”

“But you do like him, right?” Jeongyeon leans forward and you laugh nervously, shrinking back as she looms over you.

“What are you, a reporter?”

“I’m just curious! It’s not like you two are all lovey-dovey– you don’t even seem like a couple!”

“Love doesn’t need to be physical,” Bo-Young steps in and you smile at her gratefully. “As long as they’re happy together, it’s none of our business. I’m sure y/n has enough on her shoulders without her costars attacking her as well, Jeongyeon.”

“Sorry, sorry, sheesh– c’mon, y/n, you know we all love you! Except your haters, amirite?” Jeongyeon pokes you teasingly and flounces away. 

“Sorry about her,” Bo-Young says later, as the crew packs up the set for the day. “She’s just a gossip– Jeongyeon doesn’t mean any harm. Are you gonna be okay?”

“Hm? Yeah. I’m used to it.” You chuckle hollowly while slipping on your street clothes. “It’s whatever. Thanks for the help.”

“Of course. You’re getting a lot of hate, I’ve seen it online. We’ve all been there, y/n, and the only thing you can really do is turn to your friends when it gets hard.”

“Thanks, Bo-Young.” You check your phone and notice the time. The commercial shoot is in forty minutes. “Shit! I gotta get going– see you at filming tomorrow!” You bid your costar a hasty goodbye and hurry to the door, already opening your phone to call a car when you hear a honk outside the studio. 

For a second, you feel excitement flood your veins– did Yoongi decide to pick you up even though he didn’t have to be onset today?

Lisa pokes her head out of the window. “C’mon, girl!”

Oh, right. The members of BTS are promoting in Japan.

“Thanks for the lift,” you say as you climb into your friend’s car.

“Of course! I mean, your address hasn’t leaked online and we have to keep it that way, ya feel?” Lisa clasps her hands together. “No more rideshare apps for you, miss y/n!”

You laugh. “Love you, Lisa– and please keep your eyes on the road.”

Your friend coughs. “Right back atcha, darling. The love, not the road.”

The drive to your shoot is quiet for a moment before Lisa speaks again. “Hey, there haven’t been any weirdos around set, right? I’ve been seeing a ton of online rumors that there’s a plan to leak Moon Over the Sea footage to, and I quote, ‘ruin y/n’s career’.”

You roll your eyes. “I’ve seen those. Yeah, no creeps that I’ve noticed, and I have a feeling they’d only come to film Yoongi, not me.”

“Speaking of, how’s your Prince Charming doing?” Lisa asks, raising a brow.

You sigh. “He’s not my Prince Charming.” Honestly, the one time you tell the truth is the one time your friend doesn’t believe you. Talk about crying wolf. 

“Yeah, yeah, you’re keeping it quiet for the cameras, I get it. Just let me know if he breaks your heart, got it?” Lisa cracks her knuckles menacingly. 

“Hands on the wheel, girl!”

“It’s fine, I’ve never crashed before.” Still, Lisa straightens up and grips the wheel once more. “Hey, do you ever get to meet the rest of BTS?”

“Uh…” What should you do, what can you say? “Sometimes?”

“Woah. See, that’s fuckin’ amazing. My best friend, everyone! Casually meeting the greatest musicians on the planet!”

You laugh at Lisa’s enthusiasm. “Turn right, the studio is down there.”

“Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I was wondering if you could, y’know, maybe…” Lisa’s tone turns wheedling. “Let me meet them? Or at least just send me another video of Jimin talking to me?”

“I…” You should’ve expected this– it’s the kind of thing your best friend would consider a given. “I’ll see what I can do, okay? No promises.”

“Thanks, love! I appreciate it more than you could ever know.” Lisa stops the car outside the studio. “Break a leg!”

“Only if you don’t break yours,” you reply as you get out and head towards the studio door. “Drive safe, Lisa!”

Once inside, you make your way to the front desk. A pretty woman with a tight bun greets you.

“Hi, I’m l/n y/n here for the cologne shoot?”

“Miss l/n…” The woman shuffles through some papers. “Ah, here you are! Yep, that’ll be on set number three, second door on the left.”

“Thanks!” You follow the directions, wondering what exactly your role will be in a men’s advertisement.

Soon enough, you have your answer.

“Y/n, darling, come on, get a little closer to Wonho!”

“I– how do I even do that? Like, physically?” You adjust yourself on your coworker’s lap, hyperaware of your surroundings. Wonho is shirtless and– not that you noticed– very well built, with broad shoulders and an almost illegal amount of taut muscle. 

The commercial director stands with a sigh. “Just… lean into him. The whole point is this cologne makes girls fall all over you, y/n. You gotta be all over him.”

“Yes sir,” you mutter under your breath. Wonho must hear you, because you sense him stifling a chuckle. You can barely inhale with the black halter top and high-waisted shorts they’ve dressed you in– and god, you’re cold. You’re sitting pretty in Wonho’s lap, and his hand is resting lightly on your hip.

“You’re doing fine,” Wonho says while the director is distracted by your latest take. You take the opportunity to slide off of him and sit in your own chair.

“W-what?”

“I can feel your heartbeat– it’s kinda hard not to. You’re nervous, huh?”

You laugh hollowly. “You can tell?”

“Yeah, but the camera can’t. You look great, y/n, and you don’t need to worry. If anything, I’m the one that should be nervous.

“Why’s that?”

“Ah, shit– I don’t want Yoongi to kill me once this commercial gets out!” Wonho grins mirthfully.

You start. “You know Yoongi?”

“Sure, our paths have crossed during work and we’ve been to the same parties– the fact that he’s gonna see me with you on my lap is probably gonna make him pretty jealous.”

You scoff to hide your blush. “Uh… Yoongi doesn’t really get jealous.” After all, why would he be jealous? You’re not really dating.

Wonho raises an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“Back to work, people! We’ve got a day and a half to shoot this so let’s get it right and we can all go home early tomorrow, eh?” The director claps his hands and you and Wonho scramble back onto set. Yoongi gets back tomorrow, and if you finish up early, maybe you can surprise him. How cool would that be?

A/N: Please don’t forget to like, comment, and reblog! <3

[blackcatanna]

Okita's Route Part 2: Still on Kyoto Winds because I didn't realise that I'd ramble so much

Predictably, I'm enjoying Okita's route a lot more than Kazama's. Also, I'm skipping a lot less than when I played Kazama and Iba's routes, which makes a lot of sense because Okita is actually in the Shinsengumi and, therefore, gets a lot of screen time. So far, he acts like an asshole but this isn't backed up by his actions. Apart from the casual child cruelty X_X

Chapter, uh, 3? I think...

I feel like Hijikata sticking up for Sanan is just making things worse X_X . Saying that he's not useless because he's a swordsman is just plain wrong. It makes it seem like he's just saying it out of pity. I'm sure that Sanan has plenty to contribute, besides slicing people up.

"Sanan is quite the beloved member here, isn't he? It's nice to see such a tight-knit group." -_- Itou is such a master of shade. Gently implying that they only keep Sanan around because of their relationship. You evil bitch X_X

"Ugh, who brought those bastards into the Shinsengumi?" RIGHT?! Glad to see that Okita's not blindly following Kondou's lead here.

"He is easily deceived by silver tongues, those who appear virtuous... but are real scumbags." As the great Roisin Conaty once said: "Charming is just lube for evil." However, this is kind of backing up what those asshole kids were saying earlier about Kondou being an idiot X_X

SNOOP SNOOP 👀

AH! OKITA CAUGHT ME TALKING TO MYSELF! AGAIN X_X

"Trying to run away behind our backs." -_- You know that's not true.

"Heh, I'm just messing with you." No shit. "I mean, unless you were escaping, then I'll slit your throat." -_- You just couldn't resist the opportunity to throw out another casual death threat, could you?

Is he worried about my safety? I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO BE FLIPPANT BUT I SEE THROUGH YOU.

"Good girl." -_-

"It sounded like something out of a fairy tale." Oooooooooh hooooooneeeey... Have you not been paying attention?!

Welp, Okita told me to scream so... AAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Oh, apparently, not that... OKITAAAAA! Bet he loved that.

"Aaaaaaaaaaagh!" Everyone, please stop screaming.

Ngl, Sanan looks good with white hair.

Apparently, Okita likes hearing me screaming his name... Good to know...

"Don't worry your little head. It would be my pleasure to help you die." O_O ... Isn't that a little hasty!?!

"You're not serious, are you?" HONEY X_X

"It's really annoying, you know. You think you're part of the Shinsengumi?" </3 Ouch X_X You're the ones who took me prisoner, y'know? However, Chizuru does often act like she's the only one who cares about the Shinsengumi members, which must be annoying af.

"We only keep you alive because you're useful. You are NOT one of us." Uh... Thanks for calling me useful? But is that seriously your attitude? Anyone who's not useful to you should just die? -_-

"His words shattered my already breaking heart." Aw! </3 Poor Chizuru bae!

"Seriously... You can really be a pain, you know that?" RIGHT. BACK. AT. YOU.

"It'd be easier to just kill you," Broken record much?

"Had their last thoughts as men been hope they might survive the madness? It sounded horrible..." YUUUP.

"Sano! Make something up!" Definite DnD vibes again! When you make the low charisma character roll deception X_X

"You're a miserable actor. Keep your mouth shut." I'm sure that this exchange won't seem suspect at all X_X

"Oh, Sanan... Who cares what you are? You're alive!" Bless Kondou's pure and simple heart :')

"Yukimura, you go back to your room. I know you didn't sleep much." Why am I the only person in this game who requires sleep? -_- Just a trend I've noticed...

"*Cough* *Cough*" O_O OKITA, ARE YOU OKAY!??? O_O

"You owe us a lil' booze! Or maybe even, heh, a little... company?" WHERE'S OKITA'S MURDEROUS INSTINCT WHEN YOU NEED IT!?!?

"Suddenly I felt a hand on my arm." BWOOOOOOAAAARP!!! PHYSICAL CONTACT ALARM!!!

"Calm down, kid." ... NO. I HAVEN'T BEEN TOUCHED IN MONTHS.

"Hey hey hey! Looks like she's got the hots for you, Souji!" Oh Heisuke X_X

"No matter what, I won't buy Ishida Medical Powder." XD Got to admire Okita for staying true to his convictions :')

"I'm using the hell out of you" O_o Calm down, Hijikata X_X

Guess I'm going to have to put stalking Okita on hold for now...

Harada and Shiranui should just kiss already.

""Huh? Chizuru?" Okita looked up from cleaning his sword as I entered the hall." OH, HE WAS POLISHING HIS SWORD, EH? ;P YES, I AM TWELVE. Tbf, his face really does look like he's been caught in the act...

"Oh shut up, will you? It's all your fault. The medicine you gave me totally doesn't w..." >:( I'm hoping that the reason that sentence trails off is because I give him a verbal smack down!!

"*Cough* *Cough*" O_O WELL, I GUESS NOW I CAN'T CALL HIM A CUNT!

BLOOD O_O

"It's nothing." ... BOI!!

This game is totally a forcing-stubborn-men-to-rest simulator X_X

"I'd been given instructions to stay away" from the physical examinations but ho's gotta ho', amirite?!

"Oh my... So you WANT to see those savages? What peculiar taste..." Itou, don't call me out like this. Although, I still feel like we should respect their privacy X_X

"Oh! Oh..." ALRIGHT, YOU THIRSTY BITCH, CALM DOWN.

*Camera zooms in on Nagakura's tiddies* -_-

"Your body's fine, Shin." - Heisuke.

"Don't you wanna order a slice of this beef cake? I got two meaty servings on a plate, right here." Aaaaaagh! X_X My eeeeyyyeees.... Can't... un-read... sentence... please... fetch.... brain... bleach...

"A medical exam is for finding problems, not showing off. Now move." PREACH, SAITO!!!

"I feel like it's rude to intrude..." AND YET HERE WE ARE X_X

"It grants immortality" ??? Except for the part where you turn to ash???

"You're forcing your body in ways the eyes can't see." LISTEN TO THE DOCTOR, GUYS!!!

Everyone's just... RIPPING Takeda to shreds XD

"I'm scared shitless, believe me." :'( Poor Okita

No smart comments here... this is just really sad :'(

He's seen me? It's been nice knowing y'all...

Finally, Chizuru calls out Okita for threatening to kill her so much.

"Desist, you hooligans!" Sen is such a Queen! I want a Sen route!

Chizuru and Sen standing up to these arseholes is giving me LIFE! :') PREACH, GIRLS, PREACH!!!

"What were you going to do if they hurt you gravely?" Regenerate, biatch! >:)

"C'mon, was she that pretty?" UM, YES. But I think that she gives off too much of a domme vibe to be Okita's type :P

Chizuru is getting VERY distracted by Okita's hair. You know those scenes in movies where the woman takes down her hair and it's all slow motion and super sexy? This series has a lot of that. Plus when they get their Western makeovers :')

"That's funny... You don't LOOK like an especially nosy, hand-wringing version of my mother." XD I mean, -_- That totally wasn't hilarious.

"I grabbed his towel and began to scrub his head." ... We totally are his mother X_X

"I feel like I remember a time when you were nice and quiet..." NOT ANYMORE, BITCH! AND NOW, I'M ARMED WITH A TOWEL >:)

"You're really good with your hands." O_o ... What?

"You tied your hair up so quickly..." Why don't you show me what else you can do with them? ;)

Now he wants to know what I think of his hair? :/

OMG, HE'S TRYING TO COPY KONDOU'S HAIR XD I HAVE NO WORDS (for once)

Oh, you're surprised that I kept my promise? I'll have you know that I am an honourable woman, good sir! >:/

But Chizuru's claiming to only have done it out of fear of being sliced and diced? :/Uh, sure?

Chapter 4:

"They're small potatoes." This game has some excellent phrases in it X_X

Itou wanting to change the Shinsengumi uniform because it's not "fashionable" enough is the kind of genius that I'd expect from this game's most relatable character :') Although, I personally think that the blue uniforms are pretty <3

Awe, Chizuru thinks that Okita's joking about killing Itou :')

Kaoru just VERY BLATANTLY giving away that he was involved in the notice board incident X_X

:O I'm slightly jealous to discover that Okita's casual death threats aren't just reserved for me!

I get the sense that Okita knows that Kaoru's a boy but I'm sure that it wouldn't stop him if Kaoru was really a girl. Hooray for gender equality!

"I felt embarrassed for even doubting her for a second," O_e SERIOUSLY??!??

We're just going to let him go now!?!

Now Okita's having a coughing fit D: It was so stupid to run off and make him come after us :(

"What if she had accomplices nearby" GOOD. POINT. Chizuru would be so easy to lure into a trap X_X

"Without me around, you're just a useless kid." But I have a great personality! So, together, we almost make one complete, functioning adult :)

"Stop being so timid." I wish that I had that power :'(

"You can rely on us when you need to." Aweee! ^_^

"even compared to the weakest Shinsengumi foot soldier, I was pathetic." HEY. STOP THAT. WHAT DID I SAY? GREAT. PERSONALITY.

"Did you need something?" "Blood." O_O AH. Well, at least he doesn't beat about the bush! O_O

"What the hell? That's a little cold of you, having that pass for a good-bye, isn't it?" YEAH! :'( MIKI IS RIGHT! </3 :(

"Saburo. Watch your mouth." I'm sure that Miki is sad when Itou dies but 90% of their interactions are Itou telling Miki to shut up. X_X

"Is... Is that okay?" NO. IT IS NOT OKAY. SAITO AND HEISUKE ARE LEAVING, ALONG WITH LITTLE PIECES OF MY HEART. D'X

"would that mean I could never see them again?" *sobs*

"We're going to keep relations amicable between our two organisations." AHAHAHAHAHA HA.

"Okita...?" "... Hm? Damn." Uh, nice to see you, too?

"Next time we run into 'em, we'll probably have to kill each other." O_O Don't be so flippant, you ass :'(

"Swords don't think" damn, I didn't realise that you were sword-kin. Everyone thinks and has feelings. I'm sure that no power could convince Okita to kill Kondou.

"Takeda also left" and not one single fuck was given. :')

Just going to ignore Okita making fun of my "bed head" -_-

"I've come to take you" orly? ;)

"Look, lady, you're not part of the Shinsengumi, so I'd appreciate it if you could keep your nose out of our business." So, now that it's convenient for you, I'm part of the Shinsengumi? -_- I still haven't forgotten what you said before, asshole >:( Remember? HEART = BROKEN.

Sen knows that I'm a SLUT ^_^

"I can't tell if you have guts, or if you've got rocks for brains..." It must be the latter if I'm staying because of you XP

*Terrible decision immediately has lethal consequences*

LEMME GO! >:(

See Kazama post for my COLOURFUL feelings on this cunt >:(

Kondou can be so badass when he wants to be :')

Why... Hello there ;)

"Gotta admit, I didn't figure you for this type of girl." Then you haven't been paying attention ;P

Oh yeah: BWWWWWAAAAAAAARRRRP!!! PHYSICAL CONTACT ALARM!!! And then some X_X

"Didn't think I'd be getting pushed down into bed tonight, least of all by you." Oh yeah? Who else did you have in mind? Kondou? -_-

"Oh no! No no no!" Chizuru, we know you're thirsty and it's okay! Embrace the thot within! :')

"Tell me... How is it? On top of me. Does it feel good?" PLEASE SAY YES, PLEASE SAY YES, PLEASE SAY YES!

"I hadn't realised I was still on top of him." Uh-huh. Sure. And what a terrible shame that was.

"If I go out, Kondou will get mad at me." And then no more bum fun :( (me@me: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!??! me: XD Sorry)

"Okita's eyes shone with admiration for Kondou." X_X The fanfiction writes itself...

Just to be clear, I think it's pretty gross to ship people with their guardians, even if they're both adults at the time, because that's called GROOMING.

"He isn't going to need the Water of Life. I'll make sure of that." ... How, Hijikata?! He's literally DYING of tuberculosis!

And now he's not eating :'(

"I just don't want to. Is that really a problem?" Yes, because you'll starve to death.

"Hm, you are a doctor's daughter... Maybe you just can't leave a sick guy alone?" Or maybe I just don't want YOU to die, ass >:'(

I WILL MAKE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST EAT IT!!! Ooooooh! He's blushing :O

He doesn't like bitter stuff but wants me to put grated radish in his porridge? O_o Well, I'm glad that he's cooperating :D

"I'm only going to eat it if it's delicious." Well, if you don't like it, I'll try again! :D

"Don't think I've given up or something." Okay D': <3

EAT THE FOOD, OKITA >:D

"It makes me feel good..." Hooray ^_^

"Could you keep me company for a while?" :O Okey! :)

"What would I talk about?" HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND...

"He wasn't afraid to die," um, weren't you eavesdropping on his conversation with the doctor? -_-

"I want to help... But I'm getting weaker every day." Of course you do :'( This is more heartbreaking than him saying that you're not part of the Shinsengumi and just annoying DX

Maybe tell him that everybody likes having him around and that the Shinsengumi is where he belongs? Or, we could just leave him to wallow in misery... I guess that works, too X_X

"I couldn't see someone like Okita succumbing to a mere disease." ... Why, exactly? Is he supposed to fight it off with his sword or persuade it to fuck off with the force of his personality?

"He'll be fine. Right...?" NOOOPE.

SAITO 😍 I mean, uh, whatever... Totally not bothered at all...

WAIT, HOLD ON: SPY-TO. Yes, thank you. I am a genius :3

Finally murdering Itou for realskies! :')

I get that Hijikata and everyone are trying to look out for Okita but he's terminally ill. Keeping him out of the action is only going to keep him miserable until his inevitable demise. :'(

"Saito'll be here for a few days, so you'll have someone to play with." -_- Bit patronising, Hijikata X_X

Kazama being his usual, charming self X_X

Let's go find Okita and... Tell him to go back to bed? Okay...

What the fuck!?!! Kaoru!?!!

Do we ever get a decent explanation for why Kaoru was sent to live with some abusive fucks?

Kaoru... Why are you so short? I bet you were malnourished X_X

Okita's just watching this unfold, chomping on imaginary popcorn...

"Do you just plan to use her, like Kazama does?" O_o... I fucking hope not, because that would be INCEST!!!

"... No," OH, THANK GOD.

"What would you have done if I'd said yes?" Ugh, you said no already! Can we please move this conversation in a less incestuous direction X_X

"... No. You're free to take her." OKITA!!! HE'S MY BROTHER X_X Not that I'm expecting you to leap to my defense but this conversation is WEIRD as FUCK.

:O The Ochimizu! Is Kaoru trying to help Okita?! Misguidedly, but still.

"But... if their plan is to simply use my dear sister as some sort of demonic broodmare... I can't allow that to happen." ... Kaoru... :'O That's... Actually really sweet XO This is the first time that someone who claims to be part of my family has actually looked out for me :')

Oh, so Kaoru wants to use Okita to protect me from Kazama! I have a feeling that he's going to be disappointed if he thinks that Okita will do what he tells him to but I appreciate the gesture :')

"Please don't do anything that would hurt Kondou so, Okita." Ugh, even as he lies dying, he's supposed to be worrying about upsetting other people? >:(

"Okita the Fury; Okita the beast." X_X Bit harsh but okay.

"He had traded away his soul." Um, since when? XD

"Happy now, Kaoru Naguno?" "Yes I am." ... Fair.

"... For falling into my trap." Wait, what?!? O_O

"I'm happy I got to make my sister suffer." Kaoru, why? D': WE COULD HAVE HAD IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAA-AAALLL!!! DX

I'm glad that Kaoru did away with the Nagumo fuckers >:( But still, why take it out on me?!

Even dressed as a boy, Kaoru still looks prettier than Chizuru...

*Sigh* looks like I'm being choked, as usual X_X

I feel like Kaoru could easily have given Okita something much worse than the Ochimizu if he REALLY wanted to make me suffer.

"I'd run out of things to say." X_X Again?!

"This was my decision and I don't regret it." That is good to know :)

"You shouldn't get involved with a guy like me." Oh, here we go X_X

"That came out of nowhere," Too right!

"No" uh, does that mean "no, I won't get involved with you" or "no, I won't do as you say"???

Uh, is he crying?! "Hey! You can't just act like you're sick when you want something!" XD What the actual fuck is happening right now???

"I'm dead" ... Uh... Really? Because... You seem very much alive...

"I don't think Kondou wants you around just because he wants you to do things for him." FINALLY, some sense!

Aaaand, apparently, it's earned me The Unblinking Stare of Doom >:(

"Do you mind not trying to speak for Kondou." Do you mind not assuming that he's so much of an asshole that he'd kick you out just because you're inactive during the day?! >:(

"It's not like you're capable of knowing exactly how Kondou truly feels." YES, YUKIMURA!!! GET HIM!! >:D

"Do you think Kondou would still need me... Even if I can't hold a sword anymore?" YES.

"You're right." I know :3

"I'm just jealous of you, Okita, that you have someone like Kondou by your side." Yeah. >:'( Fuck you, Kaoru, fuck you, Kodo :'(

"Oh yeah, huh... I totally forgot." Ffs, Okita XD

"They just happened to be there when you were born, you know?" Yeah! >:( And they can all go to hell!

"Somehow, my chin had acquired something of an arrogant tilt" yaaaas! You live your best life, girl! Let go of the haters, cut out the negativity! Stick it to 'em!

Chapter 5:

"How dangerous could foreign weapons be?" Oh, my sweet, Summer Sanan X_X

"Why are you going on night rounds with us?" ... Wait, what?! Why am I going on night rounds?

AS IF putting myself in danger is going to help Okita in any way X_X

DAMN, KONDOU... Nice, uh, blood you're accessorising with, there. O_O MEDIC!!!

"Lucky for us, they're idiots." Hooraaaay!

Okita's not going to be happy when he sees this...

Speak of the devil...

HIJIKATA, STOP BEATING ABOUT THE BUSH.

"I thought for a moment that Okita was going to grab Hijikata and shake him." :O :D Please yes!

Okita is suuuuuper keen to blame Hijikata for this -_-

"If he dies, it's your ass in the fire, Hijikata." Another excellent image but this pointless conversation has gone on for too long X_X

"I will find you, no matter where you may be, and I will kill you." O_O OKITA!! I THOUGHT THAT YOU SAID YOU WERE CALM!!! Bloody hell X_X

Oh no... What has Okita done now X_X

Killing spree, mad science, aggressive interrogation, Hijikata murder? The possibilities are endless with this stabby boi.

Where exactly am I running to? "I had finally found him." HOW?! With the power of love?! O_o

Looks like "Killing spree" it is X_X

"I'm about to murder you." Ffs Souji X_X

"I'm just doing my job." OH YEAH?!? THEN WHY DID YOU FEEL THE NEED TO GO BEHIND EVERYONE'S BACKS, HUH?!

"What's wrong with me doing what I'm doing?" Yeah, what's wrong with sadistically slaughtering a bunch of virtually defenceless men as they attempt to retreat?! -_-

"I just killed people, no matter who it was, as long as it was what Kondou wanted." *Sigh* Kondou's not going to be around for ever, you know? X_X Maybe TRY think about why your doing what you're doing. Maybe learn from Kondou's example?

"Do not ever act out and worry the chief like that again." XD You tell him, Saito!

"Idiots." XD Hijikata

"I didn't wake up until evening had arrived." Oh look, it's me :)

OH, FUCK. That looked like a Kaoru silhouette :O

Why do they keep saying that Kaoru "tricked" Okita into drinking the Water of Life?! Kaoru offered it and Okita drank it. No trickery here!

"They wanted to avenge Itou. You remember him? The man you deceived and murdered?" XD Can't argue with that :')

"shoot the weaker target first." UGH. Why do I always get SHOT!?!

"Call me what you want." Oh, I intend to 3:)

Omg, I didn't get shot! :O BECAUSE OKITA USED HIMSELF AS A HUMAN SHIELD O_O ... BUT WHY?!??

NO, DON'T CHECK UP ON ME! WE NEED TO MOVE BEFORE WE GET SHOT AT AGAIN!!!

Oh no! O_O Doesn't look like he'll be moving any time soon O_O

"Okita! Okitaaaaa!" O_O

"It kills me to see you hurt, just as much as it kills you to see Kondou hurt!" O: <3 :'(

"What an idiot.. " No, Kaoru! You're the idiot! Because you will never be happy while you continue down this sadistic, evil path, wasting your own life trying to destroy someone else's and refusing to let go of your spiteful jealousy >:( At least Okita's risking his life for something good.

"The more despair and anger you feel, the more you look like me." ... Silver linings! :)

D: Did they use silver bullets?! :O

Wait, when did Yamazaki get wounded?! :O

Bless Hijikata for letting me stay with my crush XD

Final Chapter:

Yamazaki is fine :D Hooray!

"They need men, so we need to go now..." Uh... Then why aren't you dressed? X_X

"... I want you to remain calm as I tell you this." That is... NOT AN ENCOURAGING WAY TO START A CONVERSATION O_O

D': Inoue has fallen. :'( It hurts every time DX

Aw, he looks really sad :'( and no wonder...

"as soon as we arrive, I'm gonna swing my sword at anyone and everyone." Uh... That's the spirit X_X

ONWARDS TO EDO

[lordmongoose]

A Thing About The Rise of Skywalker

spoilers maybe i’m terrible at remembering details and the thing’s like 3 hours long so

------

short summary

Rey’s out and about rootin’ and tootin’ and shootin’ getting Jeddy training from Layer when something happens shit man I really don’t remember very many details from early in the movie okay so like the theatre that I usually go to for big movies I wanna see is a place called Cinebarre where they serve food and booze while you watch movie so like I was kinda buzzed for most of the film

Shit happens, Rey lightsabers stuff, Kylo is an edgelord, a fancy knife is required, Reylo is stupid, the end

------

Rise of Skywalker is more or less what you’d expect from a decently-executed Ster Wer sequel. Nothing about it is terrible by any means, but it does suffer from one very significant issue:

The Last Jedi.

JJ Abrams didn’t make TLJ, and TLJ basically just said “Fuck You” to everything that The Force Awakens set up, so Rise of Skywalker spends quite a lot of its time un-fucking the sequel trilogy after TLJ fucked it, which leads to the film feeling pretty rushed throughout.

Not rushed like Sword and Shield were rushed, more like how Frozen felt rushed; Way too much goddamn stuff happens very quickly and not enough of it gets the time it deserves. Characters pop in, pop out, shit happens VERY quickly and you don’t really have time to think about what just happened, ESPECIALLY if you’re 3 drinks in.

By the end of the movie, stuff just sorta happens for no reason since they don’t have time to establish a reason, BUT it largely involves the weird sorta interaction Jedi have with the dark side (I still don’t know why you automatically become a Sith if you strike down another Sith while they’re telling you to do it. Five minutes later when they’ve stopped telling you to do it is fine, but if you stab ‘em while they want it? Bam, you’re evil. For some reason), which has been explored and explained before, so it’s not too terrible.

The movie’s not perfect, but it’s pretty enjoyable for what it is. You rarely feel like you’re watching a scene that has no purpose (unlike that entire goddamn casino debacle in TLJ), and the actions of each character don’t seem too out of place (except for one lady who just sorta gives the dudes a maguffin for no reason even though it’s explicitly stated that she hates the dudes).

It’s not gonna be the movie you write home about, but, like, it’s pretty good. I ranked it solidly in the middle of the 9 main Star Wars movies

(yeah, I know it’s heresy to not have Empire at #1- I just like A New Hope, okay?)

It’s very much an okay movie. I’ve said that like 6 times now. That said, I give it extra points because it was severely handicapped by having to follow TLJ.

I just... I just really don’t like TLJ, okay? Even the prequels are kinda goofy action-packed bullshit, but TLJ’s just sorta empty. There’s no reason to rewatch it, whereas the prequels are honestly pretty damn good if you manually edit out 98% of the scenes with Anakin and 105% of the scenes with Jar-Jar. And by that, I mean Ewan McGregor was good as Obi-Wan and he’s basically the sole reason why I enjoy the prequels at all. Oh, Ian McDiarmid too. Prequel Palpatine was just dumb fun.

...

Anyway, Rise of Skywalker’s pretty neat. 6.5/10. Kinda fucked up that they try to get brownie points for having LGBT representation when it’s, like, 1.5 seconds of 2 background women having a kiss after the big victory. So fucking token. The tokenest of token representations. Guess it’s easier to edit out for the Chinese cut later amirite feLLAZZZZZZZZZZ

TL;DR: Rise of Skywalker jams too much into a short span of time because it has to pseudo-retcon a bunch of stuff that Rian Johnson fucked up in TLJ, but it’s a reasonably enjoyable Star Wars movie aside from that. Far from the worst. Super goddamn far from the worst holy shit it’s not even close.

TL;DR2: fuck the chinese government

[mrpenguinpants]

Dabi x Hawks Roommate/Marriage AU

I just went through a really stressful uni application process. I’ve got 2 essays due tomorrow. But I’m here. Again. I feel like I make these too long but whatever. Anyways

Oh yeah btw, I’m totally down to write shit. So just send me a request. It doesn’t have to be dabihawks (I’m literally only writing dabihawks cause I'm obsessed) or hero academia. (I’m really just lonely so) Also does not have to be headcanons, idm writing actual fics. Headcanons are just easier for me. 

This is also not connected with the tattoo artist dabi x dancer hawks, this is just self-indulgent stuff

Hawks and Dabi moved in together when Dabi saw an ad on his college board for a roommate

“So I’m broke af and really lonely so I’m looking for a roommate. Contact me with the info below. It’s okay if you’re a murderer. College is kicking my ass and I’ll gladly accept death.” 

Dabi calls him that day 

“I’m not a murderer but I can probably get us both killed in a week” 

He meets with Hawks after school as they walk back to his apartment 

“Basically, just don’t do anything that lands me in deeper debt. Pay for rent and whatever else you need, and don’t be a dick. Either than that, I’m sure when we actually start living together we can make some ground rules” 

Dabi is a tiny bit concerned “You serious? Not that I’m not accepting but shouldn’t you be a bit more concerned with who you let in your home?” 

“Please, I don’t have anything worth stealing, I’m broke, and I’m ready to die at any given moment. Unless you start shitting on the floor I don’t think we’ll have a problem. Is there something I should be concerned about?” 

Dabi moves in the next week 

If there was anything Dabi should have been concerned about, its Hawks

Hawks literally has no  s h a m e

Dabi lived with his siblings before moving out when he graduated from high school. He has some level of decency 

Hawks, however, has been an only child with neglectful parents

Not that Dabi minds too much, anyone is better than his father, but it’s only been a week and Dabi has seen Hawks butt-ass naked 4 times. Not that he minds

But there is only so much his homosexual heart can take 

So Dabi sits him down one night over take-out (none of them know how to cook. The only time they do is when Hawks friend Rumi comes over or when Dabi’s sister sends him food) 

“Dude, I know we just met and just started living together and it’s great. But you need to put your dick away when I’m here” 

“Is it distracting?” 

“Yeah. It is. I don’t know what kinda things you’re into but I don’t walk around with my fucking dick in the air” 

“I’m gonna be real with you right now. I really just want to get laid...by you...like right now”

what is shame amirite? 

They just stare at each other for the longest time before Dabi shrugs 

“Sure” 

After that, they got a lot more comfortable with each other (because I can’t be bothered to do slow burns (pun intended)) 

(Gonna be real with you, this part is just me throwing ideas out) 

One day, Hawks comes home stressed out and looking like death itself before throwing himself on the couch next to Dabi and laying his head on his legs

Dabi just looks at him “Rough day at work?” 

Hawks just explodes at that “THIS FUCKING CUNT OH MY GOD. SHE WAS GIVING ME SO MUCH SHIT ABOU-”

Dabi nod along as Hawks yells his feelings 

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I just want to sleep for a century” 

Hawks looks at him with the biggest puppy eyes Dabi has ever seen 

“You wanna get shit-faced drunk even though it’s a Tuesday?”

“PLEASE” 

During their first days of living with each other, Hawks and Dabi decide to eat dinner together. You know, talk and get to know the other

Since they both don’t know how to cook they just order takeout 

It’s really awkward 

“So, how was your day?”

“Uh, it was...goood” 

“Cool. Cool”

God kill me 

Dabi reflects on his life when he was still living with his siblings and what they talked about at the table. About 99.9% of it was them shit talking on their dad 

“So, you know that security lady. The one that hangs around the cafeteria?” 

“Yeah? What about her?”

“She’s a bitch, isn’t she?”

“OH MY GOD LET ME TELL YOU THIS ONE TIME-”

Yeah. Dabi’s got this. Turns out Hawks loves to shit talk and rant about people

He calls his sister and mom later that day to thank them 

They think he’s high but whatever works 

Dabi’s family comes to visit him over the break. Hawks is freaking the fuck out cause what if they don’t like him and make Dabi move out? How is he gonna survive on this own? What if they are really scary and murder him? (not that he is opposed to that but he rather die later and with Dabi)

Dabi isn’t that concerned. It’s only his sister and mother coming to visit and they are just coming to make sure he’s still alive 

“Hawks. You need to calm down. Trust me, they’re cool”

“BUT WHAT IF THEY DON’T LIKE ME. WHAT IF THEY DON’T GIVE ME THEIR BLESSING????”

“Hawks, we’re not dating nor are we getting married”

“Dude, we ride together we die together-”

“I don’t think that saying works here”

“-We’re practically soul mates at this point”

“...shit you’re right”

Dabi introduces Hawks as his boyfriend to his family

His family is proud of him even though they are 110% sure Dabi blackmailed or paid him 

It happens after they graduate college. They decided to stay together in the same shitty apartment 

They were sitting together on the couch watching Disney movies (Hawks request) 

Hawks is leaning on Dabi as Dabi is bored out of his mind

“Dabi?”

“Yeah?”

“We’ve been together for like 4ish years now right?”

“Yeah”

“And if I were to die what would you do?”

“Probably kill everyone, burn the world to the ground and then kill myself”

“I love you-you know that?”

“I do” 

Insertawkwardpausehere

“-So I was wondering if you wanted to get married or..something” 

“Yeah sure” 

They both pause. Look at each other. Before screaming 

“Wait really?!”  they both yell at the same time. Hawks is literally in tears rn

“I-I don’t really have a ring, I mean I can go into the kitchen right now and get some tin foil bu-”

“Woah Woah wait Hawks. You wanna get married??”

“BITCH IF YOU GO BACK ON THIS RIGHT NOW IM KICKING YOU OUT” 

“FUCK YEAH I WANNA GET MARRIED”

“GOOD”

“GREAT”

“FANTASTIC”

“AMAZING” 

They calm down after an hour 

“Are you sure though Hawks? It means you’re gonna have to be with my crusty ass”

“Dabi, I’ve seen your dick. It’s not crusty” 

“I think that was the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me”

“I literally proposed to you”

“And I accepted” 

Dabi calls his family to tell them the good news and Hawks calls Rumi. It was 4am so obv they didn’t pick up so they left a voice message

“Sup fuckers, I got married to my bird boyfriend. Tell our homophobic father he ain’t invited to my wedding”

“RUMI!!! I JUST PROPOSED AND HE SAID YES! WHAT DO I DO! AM I DYING? I THINK I’M DYING” 

Just letting you know, I’m totally continuing this in the future. I WILL MAKE MY BOYS HAPPY 

[bring-me-bellarke]

The 100 Ask

Tagged by @griffinnblake ! Thanks, Lindsay! Honestly, what a blast this was.

rules: answer as many as you want if tagged and then tag three more people OR just reblog it and treat it as a regular ask meme!! have fun xoxo

1. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?  Probably for punching a guard or something, tbh. Maybe starting underground resistance (yikes)

2. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?  Maybe. 

3. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)  Probably a fist or some sort of cool resist sign. 

4. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?  WELLS JAHA DESERVED BETTER. (close second would be Anya) (close third would be Ilian)

5. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? Bellamy, Clarke, Raven, Monty, Miller.

6. Minty or Briller?  Mintyyyyyy all da way. Briller just never did anything for me. 

7. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)  Jessei, Jessai, i have no idea. 

8. Thoughts on Finn? I’ll be honest, I was blind when I first started watching and thought Finn was a good guy...until Raven showed up and was like WTF ....and then he massacred a bunch of people. Then I looked back and realized how manipulative he was with Clarke, and what a shitty person he was in general.

9. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? I don’t think I would have. It wouldn’t really appeal to me. I could see myself giving in if someone I loved was threatened (like Clarke with Abby, I would’ve folded like a lawn chair)  

10. What character do you relate to most & What character do you like the least not including the obvious ones like Pike, etc… I relate to Clarke and Raven the most. I’m bossy and serious like Clarke, but also sassy and passionate like Raven. The character I like the least was (don’t bring out the pitchforks) L/xa. To me, from day 1, she was too bland of a character. It’s like she was always putting on this brave facade that I just never bought into. But I truly love ADC and she’s awesome. I just didn’t believe all of L/xa’s dumb philosophies and thought she wasn’t a good leader. Also, Octavia was on my most hated from the moment she laid her hands on her brother (i will never be over that. bitter 2kforever)

11. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)  I probably would have had a patchy black leather jacket, gray t shirt that read Space Sucks, combat boots, black ripped up jeans, and the jacket would’ve had RESIST stitched onto the back in big letters (or maybe a patch). I like to think I would’ve been a total badass but who knows. 

12. Favorite type of mutant animal?  I don’t think we saw many besides two-headed deer, pauna, and maybe some panthers? Oh, wait! Glowing butterflies, those were cool.   

13. What would your job be on the Ark? Oooooh, I don’t know. Sounds weird, but I would’ve liked to work in the archives/library, making sure all the history was preserved (sounds like a Bellamy thing, I know). But tbh, I probably would be jailed for starting a resistance as a side gig. 

14. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?  I’m squeamish, but I would’ve done it to save Clarke (and everyone else in turn). 

15. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, then who would make the best commander?  Hmm, good question. Well I loved Anya and think she could’ve. I think Luna might’ve if she’d given up her weird ways and NOT BEEN TOTALLY RUINED in s4. ALSO LINCOLN (RIP IM NOT OVER IT). If all 3 could’ve led as like a council, that’d be fire. 

16. If you were a grounder, then where would you live and who would be your mentor? Oh god, I don’t know the tribes. Maybe Trishanakru (sp?) just cause Ilian’s such a hottie and it would’ve been cool to be friends. 

17. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?  I’d probably dare everyone to go jump off a waterfall with me (but like a small one)

18. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake?  Uggggghhhh, this is hard. Listen, neither method worked. Charlotte wouldn’t have survived on her own and Murphy’s dumb. Maybe like a jail or something they could’ve kept her in? Idk, there’s too many things that went wrong with all that. 

19. Who should be the Chancellor, if anyone?  Anyone at all? Crap, I don’t think there should just be one, it’s too much power. I like the idea of council/committee with the mains like Bellamy, Clarke, Kane, Abby, uhh idk who else. 

20. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?  Headphones to escape all the drama, probably. Maybe some good hiking gear because goddammit how do they all travel through all these jungles/woods? 

21. Do you think you’d have caught the virus spread through camp or would you have been immune like Octavia?  I would’ve caught it probs. 

22. What would your grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? I’d have just cool geo shape tattoos probably. I’d wear a high pony because how do the girls deal with humidity/sweat wearing it down???? My hair is hella thick, so no thanks. War paint would probably just be a few lines on my cheeks, maybe diagonals. 

23. Favorite quote?  I CAN’T JUST CHOOSE ONE. OH GOD MY HEART LITERALLY HURTS AT ALL THE ONES I LOVE. (this deserves its own post tbh)

24. Can you forgive Murphy for his actions? How about Bellamy?  Murphy’s a real pain in my side. Full offense, I hate that we move on so easily from a white boy’s VERY SIGNIFICANT MISTAKES, yet poor POC Bellamy has to keep suffering from the repercussions. Like Murphy LITERALLY permanently damaged Raven’s body yet they’re cool now? Idk, I hold grudges, and I don’t think I’d be able to let it go. Kudos to Raven, ig. Though I won’t hesitate to admit that Bellamy has royally fucked up too, from the radio to the army (which happened in a season I hate altogether). It just seems like we forgive Murphy much easier than Bellamy and it kills me. Whooo, sorry for that. 

25. If one of the characters was in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? Hmm, I was gonna say Bellamy but he’s a real softie. Clarke is sneaky and sometimes heartless, so maybe her. BUT ACTUALLY Octavia would because she’s absolutely bat-shit crazy.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite ship? NOT INCLUDING CLEXA OR BELLARKE  Aww crap. I didn’t like Flarke. Fave ship (that never happened) was Ice Mechanic, like imagine the chemistry/hotness. Ugh, still upset about this. Fave canon would be Kabby, I guess? They’re great, but it’s weird to think Kane had Abby tortured. Idk (Y’all know I’m ride or die Bellarke). I was conflicted for a long time about Linctavia because I loved them but when you boil it down, he was way older than her and it seemed kinda Stockholm Syndrome-y? Plus, she turns psycho and he would’ve hated it. IDK ALL SHIPS ARE PROBLEMATIC DAMMIT.

27. A song that should be included in the next season, like when Radioactive was? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?  Lindsay said Home II by Dotan and I 100% agree because that song is amazing and would work so well for S5. Oooh, cameos! Um CAN YOU IMAGINE IF STEPHEN KING JUST SHOWED UP OUT OF THE BLUE? Like I would die. Or Kass Morgan, the original creator! 

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?  Honestly, I’d probably be very annoyed and want to be far away from him. BUT if we did warm up to each other, I think we’d bond over cooking (if there was any food). 

29.Opinion on Emori? Roan?  Both badasses. Kinda indifferent on them actually. Like I don’t love or hate them. 

30. Would you want to be an extra that is killed off in a brutal way?  Yeah, sure. It’d be cool if it was memorable, poignant, and really related to/impacted the storyline. High hopes, amirite? 

31. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? Raven, I think. All her flashbacks were related to Finn and I hated it. WHO WAS SHE BESIDES FINN’S GIRLFRIEND? Show us her mess of a mom, how her love for science started, how she became a mechanic! God, there’s so much we don’t know. 

32. A character you’d bang?  BELLAMY FUCKING BLAKE, ladies and gents.

If you made it through all this, bless your soul! BUT THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN!! I loved having to really think about the hypotheticals and what I’d do if I was in this world/show. Side note, I’ve been totally gone from this blog and not even tagging my stuff (which is where I freak out the most). I’m slowly coming back and hope April comes soon! All right, this has been long enough. I tag @littlebellarkemix & @southsideserpentine & honestly anyone who wants to (it’s a lot of fun). 

[thesagechronicles]

Dear Shea Moisture, 

A couple of years ago, I wrote a piece about my natural hair journey. After watching your recent ad, I think this would be a great time to revisit it. It went a little something like this:

“Growing up, my mom always did my hair. I had the bubbles, the clips, the pigtails, the beads, the fish pigtails, (you know, one in the front of yo head and another in the back lol), braids, twists, bantu knots (better known as chiney bumps to Jamaicans). I had them all. Then my mom started to take me to her friend who braided my hair. I love the lady, but she is where my problems started. I guess once she got tired of having to do my “difficult to manage hair” she told my mom to put a kiddy perm in it so it would be easier to do. And my mom listened. I was only 8. So of course that much chemicals in my hair at such a young age, was a complete disaster. My mom only did it for about a year and then stopped. She started braiding my hair again, this time with extensions, so that my hair had protection and time to grow. Once I got to middle school, I began developing a deep sense of hate for my hair. Whenever I wore my hair out, it was above my shoulders and that for me was too short. I considered myself “bald headed”. I was actually called that too by other girls in my school. Even if I had in box braids, I was still teased for being “bald” because girls who had “good hair” didn’t wear fake hair. Of course I was obsessed with having long hair because that’s all that I saw around me. So I started to get blow outs. At this time, my hair was healthy and thick. But that didn’t last for long because it began breaking due to excessive heat and also because of the cotton scarves and hats I constantly wore. Because of that combined with the fact that every time I went to a salon, to get my hair done, stylists would make rude remarks and consistently tell me and my mother that I needed a perm, I returned back to getting them. By my own choice this time. I was 14.

My hair began falling out and in the back of my head, the hair was pretty non existent. You could literally see through my hair because it was thinning so bad. I became extremely insecure about my hair at this time. I absolutely HATED it. I would look in the mirror and just be completely disgusted. I cried A LOT. My mom, after seeing how damaged my hair was getting, took me to a Black hair care professional. She was the first Black stylist I ever went to (besides for braids). She immediately told me that my hair was over processed, which meant my previous stylist was perming my ends which is a BIG no no. Her name was Shirley and she saved my life lol. She literally nursed my hair back to health after a drastic cut (I was still getting perms). But I was still not completely happy with the thinness of my hair. So before junior year, I got a weave! My confidence was beginning to blossom when I started wearing weaves even though it wasn’t my hair. I think weaves really changed the way I thought about myself and my hair. After my first weave I stopped perming my hair. I was between weaves and braids for the next 2 years. My hair did a complete 180 and grew back really strong. When I first took out my weave and braids after 2 years, I found that I was still insecure. I still didn’t want to wash my hair in a salon because of fear of what other people would think about my natural shrinkage. I was even afraid to display my fro in front of friends and family! I thought people would only see me as nappy headed, which was negative to me. But then once I started to witness the natural hair movement and girls with hair like mine, I was so touched. Suddenly I was like “fuck this! my hair is beautiful!”. And for the first time I actually believed it. I am 20 now and I have just began embracing my natural hair. It gets tough sometimes. Most of the time I just want to rip it out and cut it off but I look back at this crazy journey and I am so proud of myself. I really think it takes time as a Black girl to learn to love your hair because there are so many people that tell you it’s ugly. We see it in movies, shows, and on magazines. We hear it from kids at school, from our own family members, our own mothers, and our own Black men. But there’s gonna be a time when you just have to tune out everyone for the sake of your own sanity. Because we “don’t have hair” when we wear weave, we’re “ghetto” when we wear braids, we’re “ugly” when we wear our natural hair, and we’re “trying to be white” when we perm our hair. We’ll never be enough for them, but who gives a shit? We have to be enough for ourselves. That’s all that matters.”

As you can see, Shea Moisture, my natural hair journey has not been a pretty one, like most Black girls. And after experiencing what I have experienced and what so many of us Black women have experienced, I am completely perplexed to how you could ever think that our “hair hate” is equal to the “hair hate” of three white women with straight, blonde and red hair. White women, who are seen as the pinnacle of beauty around the globe. I did not take you for a tone deaf, reckless, and irresponsible company. I thought that Black hair companies like you would be more than aware of white beauty standards in this country and how they are directly responsible for the internalized hatred of black features. But you are not.

You probably already know this, but Black women make up the biggest percentage of your consumers. We built you. We sustain you. Yet with this ad, you sent a clear message. We are secondary to you. We are an after thought. And I know what you were probably thinking when you casted the light skin woman with 3c curls. Diversity! amirite?! No. All you did was feed into the colorism and the hierarchy in the natural hair community. That model you chose did absolutely nothing for the Black women with 4c hair (like myself) and dark skin. 

But I guess I should have known better huh? I’ve walked into Target, Walgreens, and Walmart and I have seen your products up and down the aisles. I cannot say the same for companies like Aunt Jackie. I guess you really succeeded when you made it out of the the hair aisles in our local beauty supplies to ULTA. And maybe I should have known something was up when you started that #BreaktheWall campaign. Or maybe I should have known when you sold your company. I really should have known when nonblack friends were posting your products on snapchat for “wash day”. 

What’s even more disappointing about this ordeal, is that when shit hit the fan, you showed your true colors. 

You backed a misogynoiristic man who victim blamed Black women for their own assaults. Nice job. I bet your founder, Sofi Tucker, is turning in her grave.

I see what you’re doing. You’re not just expanding your market, your replacing your core foundation. We’ve got the message loud and clear. 

Continue centering white women and preaching that #allhairhatematters bullshit. But Black women are done with being erased and we are no longer sitting around and waiting for anyone to acknowledge, accredit, or validate us. 

In the iconic and legendary words of Robin Stokes, “a white woman can have your sorry ass”. And black woman will not be there when you come looking for us.

Sincerely,

                An angry Black woman. 

(above image taken from forharriet.com)

[primadonnatartuffe]

-- invincibleDetective [ID] began bothering primadonnaTartuffe [PT] at 14:26 --

ID: Hello, hello. Telephone ring.

PT: moshi moshi ryan desu.

ID: Well howdy there, lil lady. I don't suppose you're Ryan's answering AI.

PT: lmao sure. also im japanese for some reason.

ID: Pretty witty for an answering machine.

PT: pretty and witty... much like ryan herself amirite?

ID: The better to take her messages with.

ID: This is. A beautiful stranger.

PT: oh my... im highlighting this information. ryans weak for beautiful strangers.

PT: what kind of message can i relay for you beautiful stranger?

ID: Just ask if she's avaliable for the coffee we promised to meet up for.

ID: Donuts are included. With and without the holes.

PT: well i just so happen to have access to her schedule and it looks like she is good to go on that front.

PT: also highlighting the bit about holes. an important distinction.

PT: youll see her at the coffee can. ;)

ID: Important in the way I wouldn't dare mention when discussing donuts.

ID: Let her know I'm here already.

PT: shell be there momentarily~!

RYAN: *ryan pockets her comm as she enters the coffee can, peeking around until she spots jack. it's easy enough, he sticks out like a sore thumb. she ambles up behind him and plarps him right on the head, mussing with his hair.* here i am.

JACK: *Do not plarp. But also do. Jack accepts the muss of his hair, even if it sends his shades askew. All the more reason to pluck them off and tuck them into his shirt. Angles himself until he's facing her, grey eyes vacant but searching still.* Oh good.

JACK: Sometimes strangers get familiar. It happens.

RYAN: *stupid pretty grey eyes. at least she can stare and he won't know. she slips into a seat next to him.* i know how it is.

RYAN: who wouldnt wanna get familiar with all this? *gestures at self.*

RYAN: by the way im gesturing at my killer bod.

JACK: Might need to demonstrate a little better. Only so much left to the imagination. *makes himself snort and plucks a donut hole up from the cup. Offers it out to her and chews.* 'Nut hole?

RYAN: *grins and takes it* im always a sucker for a good nut.

RYAN: the hole kind or otherwise.

JACK: Take your pick. They're frosting filled. *Having too much straight-faced fun here. He should probably be stopped.*

RYAN: *SNRK* id have them no other way??? *nibbles a donut hole.*

RYAN: thinly veiled sexual innuendo aside... whats up?

JACK: Nothing much. Having some coffee. Having a donut. *munch munch* Spoke with Finn yesterday.

JACK: He was... a little bent out of shape.

RYAN: *frowns, pausing before she speaks again.* is he alright?

JACK: I think so. He wasn't at first. But he's alright. *sips him coffee.* Did you want to order something?

RYAN: huh? oh right. ill get something in a second.

RYAN: what was bugging him?

JACK: Something about... not feeling like he was fit to look after Sofia. *blinks and frowns, looking much like his more somber self.* He was ready to take her to the adoption agency.

RYAN: whaaaat? *frowns too* man come on finn.

RYAN: hes great with her.

RYAN: and its pretty obvious she makes him really happy too.

JACK: Whatever the case... it was also pretty obvious he needed to sit down and reevaluate what he was doing.

JACK: Good thing he did. *mutters* He would have had a lot of regrets, otherwise.

RYAN: yeah... thats a relief. *shakes her head.*

RYAN: poor finn... always going through something.

JACK: But he always makes it through. *offers her a smile* Have you talked with him lately?

RYAN: oh yeah. i was at his place the other day to meet sofia. *kinda zones out thinking about it.*

JACK: What did you think of little miss Helen of Troy? *sips again*

RYAN: *laughs at the nickname.* i fucking adore her.

JACK: Of course you do. It's all a part of the ploy.

RYAN: hey... i know all about that.

RYAN: im plotting to take her under my wing. who better to teach her how to weaponize her good looks than her cool aunt ryan?

JACK: Well. I would nominate cool Uncle Jack but I think I'll settle with teaching her poker.

RYAN: *snickers* thats an important skill too.

JACK: I daresay the two skills are interchangable.

RYAN: we oughta team up then. ;)

JACK: *Oblivious to the actual winks but hears it in her tone of voice.* Good thing I've got the best of both worlds. At least, I like to think I do.

JACK: Confidence is the true power in this world.

RYAN: agreed.

RYAN: for what its worth i still think youre pretty damn handsome.

RYAN: just a little disheveled. *snrk*

RYAN: but hey. same. not that you can tell.

JACK: The hair seems to be working better for you though. *reaches a hand out to feel* May I?

RYAN: go for it. *leans towards him, definitely not blushing.*

JACK: *gently paps his hand in the air around her hair. Nodding as he gets a visual for the style.* Looking good.

JACK: It must be the face frame.

RYAN: oh thanks. *grinning to herself.* i kinda miss my long hair though.

JACK: How long have you had it short for? *smiling too and withdraws his hand. Feeling for his coffee again.* Any special reason?

RYAN: ah hmm... *her tone changes a little, like it's not the most comfortable subject for some reason.* ive been keepin it short for a little less than a year?

RYAN: *shrugs* no particular reason except... maintaining all that hair was like WAY too much work for me at the time.

RYAN: actually i got kinda frustrated and just.

RYAN: chopped it off. there it go.

JACK: Kind of the inverted reasoning behind my own hairstyle choice. *Listens to the change in her tone.* At some point, I stopped caring.

RYAN: hey it works for you too. even if i wanna take a comb to it. *manages to smile again.*

JACK: You aren't the first one. I hear it drives my dad batshit. *returns her smile in kind* It's the small victories.

RYAN: *laughs about that.* aww i miss your dad. i should drop in on the fam sometime...

RYAN: reminds me tho. i talked to rory the other day. *nibbles another donut hole.*

JACK: He's back in town already? I heard he was on Earth... lucky rascal.

JACK: What did he say?

RYAN: heeee...

RYAN: was informing me that someone was looking for me.

RYAN: ...

RYAN: my ex girlfriend.

RYAN: kinda came as some shock to me cuz i thought she was through with my ass lol.

JACK: *raises his eyebrows* That does sound shocking.

JACK: And for Rory of all people to come across her. The chances?

RYAN: its fucking weird. haha.

RYAN: i guess she just wants to make sure i havent fallen off the wagon or whatever. which is cool. not really her problem but yeah. its cool.

JACK: Have you spoken with her?

RYAN: mmm... nooo...

JACK: *Ryan...* Are you going to?

RYAN: *DEEPEST SIGH OF ALL* yeah... i gotta.

RYAN: its just awkward!! we didnt leave each other on the best note.

RYAN: and im kind of exhausted from all this reconciling shit.

RYAN: ive barely even scratched the surface though. like ive still got this extensive list of people i need to see and shit i need to talk about. bluh.

JACK: Not that I'm one to push another on making those kinds of decisions. *hums* I just hope it works out for you... once you get around to it.

JACK: But I know it's difficult.

RYAN: i mean... to be fair its worked out pretty well for me so far even if its emotionally taxing.

RYAN: its just... scary too.

RYAN: taking that first step.

JACK: You deserve to. *says with a nod. Taps the lid of his coffee.* And if anything... here's to hoping your ex understands.

RYAN: yeah... *glances at him.* heres hoping.

JACK: *tilts his head, wondering.* Do you want to talk about her?

RYAN: *seems a little surprised by the question.* not really.

RYAN: ... okay kind of.

JACK: Maybe you can drop her a message. Without necessarily speaking, face to face.

RYAN: that could work.

RYAN: it might piss her off though if she came all the way to skaia.

RYAN: not that its super inconvenient but still.

RYAN: i dunno.

RYAN: shes really grouchy lol.

JACK: What I mean to say is... it can be a process. Building up to a face-to-face encounter.

RYAN: yeah... guess that could work. *takes a deep breath, trying to rationalize.*

JACK: *drums his fingers against the table* Grouchy, huh.

RYAN: haha yeah. real attitude problem.

RYAN: but she was always looking after my ass even if she had to make remarks all the time.

RYAN: i think ive got a thing for sass.

JACK: *finds himself smiling again* And her name? Don't think you mentioned it.

RYAN: *stop that smiling... illegal.* oh yeah.

RYAN: its nona.

JACK: I can't believe it... *appears astonished* Your celebrity couple name is Rynona.

RYAN: *snorts* catchy huh?

RYAN: but like i said... she got fed up with my bullshit.

JACK: Maybe she doesn't see it that way.

RYAN: haha maybe? i dunno how else she would though.

RYAN: i was making her miserable. *stares down at the table*

JACK: *Hesitates. Wondering how qualified he actually was to give her talk to her on this particular topic. It had to go either one of two ways. Hyper-qualified, or severely underqualified. Fuck.* What you were going through... wasn't you. The way your mind was.

JACK: All of that's happened already. It's done. What you're left with now is a perspective... but not facts. Or the whole truth.

JACK: Just remember... Nona has the other half of the experience.

RYAN: *looks up at him, brows knit as she listens. there's a lot of emotion bubbling up remembering her experiences, remembering all the damage she did, and there's something bittersweet hearing this kind of reassurance from jack. she hopes he believes those things about himself, too. he seems pretty well put together from her perspective, which makes it a little easier to put her restless thoughts to bed when they're usually so adamant to convince her that her own illnesses were all that she was.*

RYAN: *she reaches over to take his hand, giving it a squeeze. she can't help the sniffles coming on, but it's a blessing he can't see her watery blood shot eyes. very attractive.* when did you get so smart? geez.

RYAN: *exhales* thanks jackie.

JACK: *Some melancholy feeling spreads in his chest with the nickname. He hadn't heard it in a while and coupled with the gentle squeeze of her hand, the feeling twists in his heart like a corkscrew. Awful but thankfully, present.* I just...

JACK: Had to stop living like I was. Letting myself think how I was.

JACK: I'm not smarter. Just more aware of the poison.

RYAN: *smooths her thumb over his hand. she doesn't want to let go.* im really proud of you.

JACK: *the sad twists persist* That's my line.

RYAN: heheh... i just straight up plagiarized you.

RYAN: you deserve to hear it too.

JACK: *He exhales, doing away with the impulse to disagree.* ...Thank you.

JACK: But it's not my ex we were gabbing about.

RYAN: well?? i mean?? *TECHNICALLY... she snickers a little, but then reality hits her again when it occurs to her this might be a good time to segue into other things she needs to talk to people about... she should at least bring it up. put it on the table where they all can see it.*

RYAN: ... um.

RYAN: hey... on the note of... hashing things out with folks...

RYAN: ... now probably isnt the time and here probably isnt the place but... do you think we could??

RYAN: well.

RYAN: you know...

RYAN: urgh. *DEEP BREATH.* can we talk about what happened between us?

RYAN: sometime?

JACK: *He's blind, Ryan. Every place looks the same to Jack. But still he blinks, acutely aware of their hands still touching. He would glance down at them if he could.* Talk about it... *echoes, feeling the uncertainty creeping on him.*

JACK: We can talk. Any time.

RYAN: *WELL SHE'S NOT BLIND. nor is she blind to the unease. it's difficult for her too.* any time??? okay... cool.

RYAN: thats good to know.

JACK: *Unconsciously, he feels his hand withdrawing again.* Sorry. I was just...

JACK: Never completely sure what I would say.

RYAN: yeah i mean... me neither. *feels him pulling away and awkwardly retracts her hand as well.*

RYAN: i just thought it might be... helpful? maybe.

RYAN: it might be helpful for me.

RYAN: but i dont know about you.

RYAN: ... i know were okay but theres still a lot weighing on my mind.

RYAN: there are a lot of...

RYAN: ????

RYAN: feelings?

RYAN: in my feeling place.

RYAN: ... for fucks sake.

JACK: *Despite his hesitation, he does nod. Chuckling weakly.* Feelings in the feeling place. An accurate way to describe it.

JACK: In all honesty, I'm not much better than you about it.

RYAN: *laughs too, nervously.* cool. in that case maybe we can like... flounder through the conversation together.

JACK: Ideally, that's how I would execute the thing.

RYAN: alright so weve got a game plan.

JACK: More or less. *sighs, trying not to let some stray thoughts snag him into a loop of things.* But...

JACK: You know I don't hold anything against you. Right? *frowns into some distance* Everything that happened... came out of the circumstance.

JACK: The timing was bad... everything... but the feelings were bad.

RYAN: i-- *swallows, her expression softening.* yeah i know.

RYAN: like... i /know/ but i guess i still... worry about it.

JACK: Why? *eyes flicker to her as if he can really see her for a second. But the look dissolves away soon enough.*

RYAN: *plays with the donut hole cup, shrugging. she didn't notice him looking at her.* sometimes i worry that im... too much for people to handle.

RYAN: when you were already going through so much.

RYAN: like realistically i know it wasnt my fault? we both had our shit.

RYAN: but i still wish i couldve helped more. i didnt wanna drag you down i wanted-- to work through it with you. *rubs at her eyes with her palm.* i dont feel that way very often?? even now.

RYAN: its... probably dumb to dwell on it. im trying not to.

JACK: *closes his eyes, letting himself card through the blink of memories. Anything he could remember in the dull, dreary haze he lived in before.* It's not dumb to dwell on it. I broke up with us... feeling as if I was fulfilling the failure I had set us out for.

JACK: It was wrong to enter the relationship like that. But I wanted so fucking desperately to feel like I could have something for myself. But I was wrong.

JACK: I never felt like I deserved you. So us... the relationship... was lost long before I could even let myself have it.

JACK: That was my mistake.

JACK: Not yours.

RYAN: *it's a lot to process, and she's quiet while she does so. it hurts to know she really had been shut out from the beginning, but it makes sense, and she knows as much as she wanted to open up to him too, she didn't know how.*

RYAN: jack...

RYAN: i still-- *swallows down her own words. rephrases.*

RYAN: i miss you.

JACK: *There's a tightness in his throat, but Jack doesn't let it get in the way of what he's trying to say. If anything, he smiles. Weary for the world.* I miss... being able to make you laugh just by being around.

JACK: If I'm nothing else. I'd like to be that again.

RYAN: *catches a couple tears that manage to fall, a watery laugh tumbling out of her.* of course you can baby. you always were.

RYAN: nothing could change the fact that you just...

RYAN: make me really happy.

JACK: Then I'm glad. *Effortlessly it seems, he finds her hand again.* I don't need anything else.

RYAN: *tangles her hand up in his, holding them up to her cheek for something to rest against. she shuts her eyes, making no attempt to stop her tears now.* me too.

JACK: *It's easier to focus on the stream of her tears than the well threatening to press from his own. But he lets his hand linger.* I can't say for sure. But you're probably smudging your make-up.

RYAN: *giggles softly, huffing a relieved sigh.* i dont care.

JACK: Fine by me.

JACK: Can't exactly tell the difference.

RYAN: *nuzzles against his hand.* if anything it adds to the recovering burn out aesthetic i got going on right now. you know im always a slut for Aesthetic.

JACK: Hey. Same here. *uses the free hand to skirt the shades onto himself.*

RYAN: hahah fuck. we look like we came out of a quentin tarantino movie or some shit.

JACK: Now that's what I call aesthetic. *sits there a moment contemplating.* Hm.

JACK: I wonder.

JACK: Did you go on many dates besides Nona?

RYAN: dates? nah... not really.

RYAN: fucked around plenty before her but uh.

RYAN: even with her we just kinda fell into it.

JACK: Bad to the bone. *but he sounds admiring.* Can't say I had the same luck.

JACK: Must have been the summer of crocs.

RYAN: oh jesus.

RYAN: please tell me that phase has passed.

JACK: It's hard to say. I don't know what my shoes look like nowadays.

RYAN: then you wont notice when i banish them to the shadow realm.

JACK: Unfortunately not.

RYAN: a win win for everybody. *grins*

RYAN: poor jackie tho... hes overdue for a hot date.

JACK: I'm just one guy. Living in a dark sexually frustrated world.

JACK: Surprised I made it this far.

RYAN: you cant even see the sexy babes all around you?? i cant being to imagine how difficult that must be.

RYAN: especially when the sexiest babe of them all is right in front of you.

JACK: With a voice that can raise the dead. *nods knowingly* Among other things.

JACK: This is the part where you sensually whisper, "Yard sard."

RYAN: fuck.

RYAN: do i make your yard sard????

JACK: My yard is apeshit bananas sard.

JACK: Here let me just... *takes out his comm...*

RYAN: *peeps over his shoulder curiously.* ... oh my god.

RYAN: so youre putting out a personal ad now huh?

JACK: Just as I suspected. *places the comm right at her.* Nothing.

RYAN: *TYPING WITH HER OTHER HAND* wow what a bummer.

RYAN: *snrks againt jack's shoulder at him teasing finn. a national pass time.*

JACK: *Honestly.* Finn is a national treasure.

RYAN: love that boy.

JACK: Gotta.

RYAN: *softly singing milkshake now.*

JACK: *snickering at all his own stupid jokes. An excellent use of his time.*

RYAN: *aww. he's so cute when he's smiling and having a good time. it's so nice to see. don't mind her if she just keeps admiring him while leaned against him.*

JACK: There's that. *stows the comm away in his shirt pocket.* Remind me to try again later.

RYAN: you got it.

RYAN: ill just have to keep you company until you can a response.

RYAN: **get?? wtf are my typos today

JACK: The ultimate wingman.

RYAN: im actually a really shitty wingman as i tend to draw all the attention to myself so... sorry in advance.

JACK: Wow. *sounds bemused*

JACK: I can safely say I did not see that coming.

RYAN: do you feel betrayed?

JACK: Envious. But I'm sure it's a sight to behold.

RYAN: *snorts.* if its any consolation im not really interested in bringing all the boys and girls to my yard right now.

RYAN: (test)

JACK: (( test ))

RYAN: (YE)

JACK: Well...

JACK: As they say.

JACK: More milkshake for you.

RYAN: *smirks at him* do they say that?

JACK: They're pretty wise for their age, I hear.

RYAN: well its a good saying. this milkshake is too tasty to share with just anybody tbh.

JACK: Write this on the reviews. That Jack Crocker remembered it fondly.

RYAN: oh yeah im sure you did. living in that dark sexually frustrated world of yours.

RYAN: very fondly.

JACK: In my defense. I have nothing else to use for comparison.

RYAN: do you need anything else? ;)

JACK: An ice pack. *he's so smug*

RYAN: you need a full blown cold shower.

RYAN: you know you really are repressed. we opened up this whole evening with nut holes.

JACK: You could say...

JACK: ...

JACK: We've come full circle.

RYAN: ...

RYAN: god.

RYAN: dammit.

JACK: *lowkey knifecat.jpeg*

RYAN: *snickers...* hey did you have any other plans for today?

JACK: Nothing that can't be rearranged or postponed.

JACK: Why do you ask?

RYAN: i was wondering if i could walk you back to your place... and just hang out there for a while?

JACK: That sounds like a plan. *starts to rise out of his chair* I think Sage recently bought a remastered copy of One Hundred and One Dalmations.

JACK: Let's break that in for her.

RYAN: ooh i like the sound of that. *stands with him, looping their arms.*

JACK: *lets her take the lead* Then we can go for some Dominos. The pizza and the tabletop game.

RYAN: youre just full of great ideas. *smiles, absolutely content as she leads him out of the coffee shop and back to his place.*