#a level of insanity from which there is thankfully no recovery

[mobius-m-mobius]

Loki S2 Anniversary x Episode 1 - "Ouroboros"

[just-an-introvert]

Hello! May I request the Astral Express Crew (Platonic) ((maybe plus Jing Yuan if your okay with that)) reacting to frail!soft!observant!reader, who usually either stays on the express with PomPom or running small (relatively safe) errands, having extremely strong mental resilience?

The group is confronting a very enemy that has the ability to cause agonizing mental pain (turns out its the enemies severe depression) with their mind powers by using their opponents' fears against them. (Which the pain alone had the ability and has driven people insane) It's kept everyone else back a significant distance (including Welt and Jing Yuan), except he reader, who appears to be completely unaffected.

Turns out the reader had enured the same agonizing mental pain that was inflicted on everyone(which exponentially increased the closer they got to the enemy). Due to their past experiences with living with moderate to severe depression and the high levels of self-actualization they had gained as a result, the reader managed to pull through and defeat the enemy alone with some injuries.

Yeah, they cried and was much more softer and frail afterward, but they made a full (mental) recovery after a few days of just resting in their cabin on the Express. Even then, the reader still made the effort of checking in on everyone afterward and offering comfort, space, or just company if needed. ( Reader knows they have the experience and the tools to cope, and they know that the others are more shaken than they say they are)

Thank you.

👁-👁 Anon

Thank you so much for requesting!!! I hope this is to your heart's liking 👁-👁 Anon. I hope to hear from you again!!

Title: Resilience

Pairing/s: Platonic Astral Express Crew (+ Jing Yuan)

Genre: Angst w/happy ending

Word count: 825

I can imagine it was supposed to be a regular mission with the express trio (March 7th, Trailblazer and Dan Heng) at the Loufu. Some kind of Marastruck shenanigans. But obviously the enemy turned out to be tougher than they look and took down the three with its power. Thankfully, both Welt and Jing Yuan were nearby to help. That backfired badly when the enemy attacked them and after back and forth, it had landed hits on both of them, giving them the same sense of depression as everyone else had.

Back on the express, Himeko, MC, and PomPom were getting worried when they hadn’t heard anything from the crew in a while. It took a while, but a distress call was sent to the express. Himeko volunteered to go alone, but MC quickly joined in, saying two people would be better than one.

They quickly found everyone a ways away from the abnormal marastruck. Himeko and MC rushed to help everyone get back on their feet.

“What happened here?” Himeko asked looking over an in agony Welt.

“The marastruck, it’s playing tricks with our minds, making us see what we’re afraid of the most.” Welt explained, clutching his head.

“We need to get everyone far away!”

With Himekos order, MC and Himeko gathered everyone away to a safe distance. But even that didn’t do much to help.

“We need a healer. Jing Yuan, are there any nearby? ” MC asked to the slouched over general.

“Call Lady Bailu, she’ll know what to do…”

Before Himeko or MC could even reach for their phones, the abnormal marastruck found them and charged at them. Himeko tried to hold it back but was hit with a head on blast.

MC stared at the marastruck as it dropped Himekos body down to the ground. It walked slowly towards MC. But to everyone’s surprise, the usually soft spoken and danger avoidant MC stood their ground, showing no fear. Summoning their weapon MC got into a fighting stance, placing their body in front of everyone and acting as a shield.

“You’re… the last one… standing…” the marastruck spoke, its voice distorted. With a flick of its hand, the emotions started to overwhelm everyone further.

MC knew that there was little time left.

“So what’s your power? Being a pain in everyone’s ass? Or being annoying?”

“You speak so highly, SO I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET COMING HERE!!!” the marastruck ran towards the MC, aiming to kill.

“You use your own fear against everyone; wither them down until nothings left of their mind, making them join you.” MC spoke, anger in their voice as they lifted their weapon high and getting ready to fight.

It drew closer, as did its effect on everyone behind MC.

“I hope you had your fun, because this is the last time you make anyone suffer!” MC shouted as they used their weapon, and with one hit, blasted the marastruck into oblivion.

With all their willpower and adrenaline leaving their body, MC collapsed onto the ground panting and crying.

“Is everyone alright?” MC asked, voice cracking in between sobs as they looked towards the equally exhausted group behind them.

Weak ‘all rights’ and thumbs ups were thrown their way.

It took a while for everyone to recover fully. Thankfully, nearby guards had been notified and they rushed to aid everyone. A few days had passed and Jing Yuan had come aboard the express to check in with everyone else.

“Say how did you avoid the power of that abnormal marastruck?” Ying Yuan asked.

“Oh, I didn’t…” MC chuckled anxiously, getting embarrassed from the revealment.

“HUH?! So you powered through it?” March 7th asked with a bewildered expression her face.

“…yes?” MC asked timidly, folding into themselves.

“Please don’t do that again. You could have seriously injured yourself.” Sighing Welt said.

“Forget that! You have to come trailblazing with us again!” March 7th exclaimed.

“Agreed,” Trailblazer spoke, the same excitement on their face.

“No way, that was too much excitement and chaos for one lifetime.” MC spoke, abhorrently denying their further agreement.

“I have to agree to that statement!” PomPom exclaimed, “Who else would help around the express if not MC. We have enough trouble makers as is! You leave my best helper alone!”

Laughing and enjoying everyone’s company, MC looked out of the windows in the parlour car.

“So how did you deal with all of those emotions?” Dan Heng asked.

“Oh I have my ways…” MC replied, a small smile on their face.

As the days passed and the event was slowly going to the backs of everyone’s minds, MC still made sure to check in on everyone. Making Himeko her morning coffee extra warm and comforting, assisting March 7th with getting more secret photos, going on walks with Welt, just enjoying each other’s companies. All of these things carried on just in case someone needed the extra reassurance that everything was fine.

[mintyfrosty]

The Recovery

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

[RESTART: ENGAGE]

[HEART RATE: 61 BPM]

[BLOOD PRESSURE: NORMAL]

[BRAIN ACTIVITY: LOW]

[LEVEL OF STRESS: 12%]

Warning signs echoing in his ears with a blurry vision was one of the last things the Toppat's Right Hand expected to see when he woke up. Well, that was to say if he woke up. Quite frankly, that wasn't something he was expecting. With the grinning face of Henry Stickmin opposite of him, he fell unconscious, believing that was his end. And yet, here he was, shaking the sleepiness out of his system, left hand moving to his face to try and remove the aching headache that was torturing his head. The soft texture he was lying on seemed to imply he was on a bed. How the hell did that happen?

And what the hell were the messages floating in front of him? It was almost like a digital screen.

"да, welcome back." Came a feminine voice from in front of him, causing him immediately jump with surprise. Well. 'Jump with surprise' resulting in his sitting up straight, back colliding hard with the wall behind the bed. A woman. Blonde hair. Glasses. Doctor's coat. Russian accent. Unfamiliar.

[LEVEL OF STRESS: 34%]

"Hey, easy, easy! Hey!" Commented the lady, quickly rushing over to him and patting down his right hand. The Right Hand Man couldn't register that he was panicking. Confusion swarmed his systems, the warning signs that floated in front of him. Who was this woman? What on earth was she doing in the Toppat's base? And, from what he gathered, the hell was she doing in his room? Unsure of himself, the right-hand man tried to focus on something more solid; something that had an answer to. The first thing his mind jumped to was the feeling of the woman's arm on his arm. Oddly, he didn't feel it. Well, of course, he felt it but in the sense that his arm felt numb. As if he were flying but standing firmly on the ground. However, he soon found the reason as to why his eyes falling down the arm this 'doctor' had patted.

Metal.

Pure metallic plates covered the surface area of his right arm. His eyes were captured in the sight, cursed with the confusion of his lack of knowledge on the situation. Was he dreaming? The fingers of his left hand, which was still planted to his head, tightened, nails digging into, what he thought to be skin. But it wasn't. The sound of nails against metal met his ears.

[LEVEL OF STRESS: 54%]

"Hey Hey! Can you hear me?" Echoed the woman's voice, her fingers clicking in front of his face in an attempt to get his attention. His mind was caught in a spiralling curse of thoughts. He couldn't possibly fathom the idea that was being suggested to him. Gradually, to try and answer her question, he nodded his head, blinking with genuine confusion on his facial features. Or at least the human ones he had left. Somewhat satisfied, the doctor adjusted her glasses, letting the right-hand man's arm go. Immediately, he began to inspect it, twirling it in many ways to try and grasp the knowledge he failed to understand.

"You were quite lucky, see. Head not always easy to recover. However, I was able to bring you back to life. Your chief said you wounded in battle, да?"

So it was a result of Henry then.

However, for whatever reason deemed fit, nothing stuck out more in her statements than the word 'chief'. Reginald. Shit. A deep pit of panic sunk his stomach, a lump of uncertainty developing in his throat. The stress meter curiously bounced into the 60 percentages as the echoing sound of his heartbeat raced with speed. Uncertain of what to do, the doctor gestured her right hand over to the left of where her patient was sitting before taking a small step back. And as quickly as his heart was pumping, his eyes snapped to the left.

And there he was. Face hidden underneath one top hat (his chief one was missing), and cooing softly with the rhythmic breath of his sleep. He was, awkwardly, hanging off half of the bed; torso and arms on the mattress with his legs dangling off the side that connected to the floor. He was simply dressed in a white dress shirt with tux pants with all gloves and most accessories missing. From his positioning, his expression was unreadable since his fine top hat was hiding any facial features Reginald had to offer. Most surprising, however, was the large, slightly reddish, top hat that belonged to the one and only right-hand man, that was clutched tightly in his, ironically, right hand. An immense amount of pity came over the second in command. He was waiting. Waiting for him. With a flash flick of his head, and expression desperate, the right-hand man's eyes met the doctor's.

"'ow long--" A cough erupted from his throat. Hoarseness had invaded his throat. 

"'ow long 'as 'e been...?" Pitifully, she turned her head to the sleeping chief, then back at the right-hand man.

"You were unconscious for 2 weeks. I've only allowed visitors for 3 days before now since I finished operations." That was one of the last things he wanted to hear. In hindsight, 2 weeks and 3 days were much better than 2 months or 2 years. However, it still wasn't a good amount of time. Reginald got worried when the right-hand man slept in as if he was poisoned in his sleep, as ridiculous as that sounded. Yet, when he considered this, he had to wonder how Reginald hadn't gone insane yet. Shakily, he planted his right hand onto Reginald's back. He couldn't imagine what was going through his head in that whole period. Thankfully, since the right-hand man was miserably horrid with words, the doctor seemed to get the idea the two wanting to be alone and quietly took her leave. 

[LEVEL OF STRESS: 67%]

"Reg? Io." Trying to be as gentle as humanly possible, the second in command tugged the chief's shirt. Shortly after, a small 'meh' came from the Toppat leader, delicately moving out of the realm of sleep. With no haste, Reginald pulled himself onto the bed, sitting upright on his knees. With a final yawn leaving his lips, the first in command open his eyes, blinking slowly before locking eyes with the person who had awoken him. And his expression immediately transformed into despair. If the right-hand man thought that Reginald looked horrid without seeing his face, then he looked beyond dishevelled.

Right Hand Man had only seen Reginald's moustache messy twice in his life, and this was the second. Twists and knots made the chief's moustache curly, loose hairs sticking in almost every direction. Heavy bags sat under the chief's eyes accompanied by the slight, blotchy redness that covered his face. Whether instinctively or intentionally, the first in command moved the reddish hat close to his chest, a sudden way of indescribable emotion covering his features. The Right Hand Man could only hopeless wonder what thoughts were going through the chief's head. Awkwardly, the right-hand man offered a wave.

"'ey Reg."

That did it.

Because the next thing he knew, Reginald dived into him, curling at his side and wrapping his arms around the cyborg's torso. This was one of those times where the right-hand man wished he knew how to handle the unpredictability of Reginald's emotions, or his own for that matter. Uneasy, the right-hand man placed a concerned left hand onto Reginald's back, rubbing it gently. He felt a harsh tug at his shirt.

"Don't you sca-re me like that again!" 

His voice was about as hoarse as his was, filled with such a tone, anyone could take pity on. He figured as such; he probably wouldn't've gotten much sleep either if the roles were reversed. With a hesitated sigh, the right-hand man, sunk against the pillows of the bed, his robotic arm tightly holding the chief. Out of the corner of his eye, however, the right-hand man was able to see the diamond-covered gold band on the fourth finger of Reginald's hand. He smirked, suddenly feeling grateful that he hadn't lost his left hand. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to feel the same gold band on his own fourth finger.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Small fanfic idea i’ve been wanting to do for a long while. As you can probably guess, when Right Hand Man wakes up for the first time being a cyborg. Also Copperright >;3

Small shout out to @twilightdaisi​ and @the-shark-well for fuelling the fire that is this ship >;3

Goddamn I love this ship too much.

[shijiujun]

Hi! Is it okay to ask you for a small advice? I started reading Thousand Autumns recently (currently on chapters ~85-88) and I'm having a bit of a problem with Yan Wushi's character. I am so turned off by his behavior towards SQ for the whole novel up to this point and I just wonder - is it gonna get better...? I can't stand seeing him openly abusing SQ and treating him like shit, I'm sorry (1)

I know he's evil and it's expected of him to be bad but with future romance prospect I'm really struggling to like the relationship between him and SQ; and if in the first half of the novel I didn't expect big changes, now I keep hoping to see something different from him but I'm not seeing much. He keeps treating SQ horribly. I'm not sure if I can forgive him for what he's done and has no remorse whatsoever - (2)

- abusing SQ and manipulating him, using him as an experiment as if he's a toy to play with; selling him to a r*pist knowing he'll be tortured to death...! And after everything that happend I still barely see anything good in his attitude towards SQ. I can't help but think SQ deserves so much better. I suppose I should try to have some hope for the upcoming chapters to be better? Is it worth it to continue reading or nothing will change? Excuse me for writing so much, Thank you

---

Heya! Oooof okay so you’re totally valid, Yan Wushi isn’t like a character for everyone - so let me break it down with the first part and then the second part where his attitude turns for the better XD

Spoilers under the cut

Before SQ goes to save him:

Yan Wushi does have a goal which is to play mind games with Shen Qiao and (1) throw him into despair (2) try to see if Shen Qiao is a worthy opponent - sure, he’s an asshole with an agenda of his own. YWS doesn’t believe that there is any good in anyone - he thinks Shen Qiao is a hypocrite and that everyone will turn evil given the right circumstances, and so YWS doesn’t trust anyone, or even considers anyone as an equal to him.

He wants to see Shen Qiao become evil basically and does everything he can to direct him towards that but I’d say his actions (with two exceptions) fit his character and the two motives above pretty well and I’m not sure I’d count it as abuse (based on my understanding of abuse, feel free to disagree). I think it’s easy to forget that Shen Qiao is not delusional or naive or ‘innocent’, and he does not paint YWS as some saviour or a friend (at least in the beginning) - he knows who YWS is, knows that he’s insane, not compassionate, totally evil etc. even from the start the moment he realizes that YWS and his disciple lied to him.

1. He lies to Shen Qiao that he’s his shizun, and then sends him to kill someone, but he’s not there to enforce it

2. Throws him out on the streets without his memories, but Shen Qiao is anything but a weak youngling, once again, YWS doesn’t do anything to him

3. YWS turns up at the temple and has Shen Qiao read the scripture - SQ’s not sure what’s going on at first but he more or less figures it out, but also the scripture reading inadvertently helps to heal him (and YWS knows this)

4. YWS flirts with Shen Qiao for a reaction for a while, he’s not genuine of course, but Shen Qiao knows he’s not genuine

5. YWS doesn’t help Shen Qiao out when he’s faced with an opponent while he’s still injured just to see how long Shen Qiao can hold out for - but firstly, Shen Qiao never really expected him to help in the first place, because he has no delusions about the man - and YWS ends up helping anyway, of course not out of the kindness of his heart, but I don’t see why I should hold that against him XD

6. Stands by and watches as Shen Qiao and his shidi Yu Ai have their confrontation - Sure, he’s there to watch the drama, but it’s Shen Qiao who makes the decision to go with him - the lesser of two evils

7. Forces Shen Qiao to fight him while he’s still injured because he wants to see if Shen Qiao’s recovery level has reached a certain point, enough to be an adversary worth dealing with - yes, he’s forcing Shen Qiao to fight when he’s still blind and weak, but throughout the fight you realize that YWS is right - it’s that very battle that basically lets SQ recover his previous abilities by a bit. He’s not hurting SQ for the fun of it (out of sadism or shit) - he purely (or evil-ly) wants to know if SQ is every bit of the skilled warrior he’s heard about 

The exceptions are these: (1) When he plants the demonic seed thing in his heart (2) When he trades SQ to Sang Jing Xing for his sword, knowing full well that SJX has a habit of sexually torturing his prisoners - I feel like YWS was almost warming up to SQ when his habit of distrust and everything kicked in and he reverted back to his cynical self - Not an excuse for what he did though, because yes Shen Qiao especially didn’t want the demonic seed thing firstly (and YWS knows this), and then he despaired at being left to SJX. This is the incident that has SQ basically give up on YWS and allows him to erase any notion of him ever becoming friends with YWS. I’m also rather curious how exactly SQ kind of like got over this - but in the settings of the book, I guess it’s explained away with (1) SQ actually fully recovering as a result of this incident (2) SQ has a big heart, and forgives YWS after - but whether or not that’s convincing, that’s up to every reader.

After SQ goes to save him:

1. So after the SJX incident - where he chose to self-destruct and die, taking SJX along with him but ended up surviving and being able to cultivate properly again from the start (previously he couldn’t because he could only recover to a certain extent as there was some blockage etc., but the blast in this incident clears the blockage) - and after he’s sort of recovered like 50-75%, he hears of an ambush on YWS by the leaders of like 5 other sects, and decides to go forward to save him 

2. Not because he harbours any like delusions on YWS, but to show him that despite all YWS has done to him (especially with SJX), SQ is still SQ, and he still adheres to his own principles, that YWS did not make him change his mind about being good basically

3. YWS’s views of him starts to change because of this - YWS has never found someone with this much grit to stick to his own principles etc., to still be kind and righteous basically despite being betrayed again and again. Of course this does not excuse the fact that YWS did indeed deliberately leave him to a potentially painful death with SJX - and SQ doesn’t forget either. 

4. SQ saves YWS, and then his heart melts because while YWS is recovering from the ambush, he has two other personalities that show up - so YWS when he was much younger, then YWS when he was a teenager, and YWS now. So YWS as a kid and teen are more trusting and open, and SQ likes kid YWS a lot (like as kid brother), and now-YWS wakes up occasionally from the switch in personas, he realizes that SQ likes kid-YWS and starts thinking about why SQ hates him and likes his kid self.

5. Even then, YWS still does try to jump ship once and leave SQ and other evil people behind in a dangerous cave, but thankfully teen/kid-YWS personas fight to turn up in time, and then YWS goes back for SQ

6. SQ knows this - he doesn’t think YWS has had a sudden change of heart or shit, and knows full well that if it was now-YWS, if kid-YWS didn’t turn up, he would probably be left to think about how to leave the cave on his own

7. YWS’s behaviour towards SQ does a 180 - now that he knows he cannot sway SQ, he starts to listen to SQ, and despite all the barbs on the surface, even if he disagrees with SQ’s positive outlook, he makes an effort to contribute and consider SQ’s opinion even if he doesn’t, intrinsically, believe in it. Starts putting himself in front of SQ, and of course SQ doesn’t believe this all the way to the end, where he realizes that he actually, just that tiny little bit, has started liking YWS and doesn’t want him to die.

8. Then they confirm their relationship in the extras, and YWS does do that hot-and-cold thing once so SQ figures out his feelings for him properly - It’s SQ that initiates the confirmation at the end I think

---

I think at some level, YWS cannot stand how naive Shen Qiao is, and some of the things that he’s leading Shen Qiao to think about/discover are valid - And throughout the book it’s proven true - SQ is kind to Chen Jing, but Chen Jing sells him out (not just once but thrice). He’s kind to and has always doted on Yu Ai, but Yu Ai sells him out too. The elders in his sect - some of them obviously turned to Yu Ai over him despite SQ never having given them reason to doubt him. I don’t think YWS is being deliberately cruel (or abusive) - he’s forcing SQ to look at reality, a reality that YWS sees and lives in.

He always asks Shen Qiao why he trusts others so easily, and afterwards, Shen Qiao does admit that YWS is right in this aspect - he won’t give up his ideals and how he gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but through YWS, he realizes he needs to be able to think ahead to protect himself and the ppl around him.

Doesn’t excuse the SJX thing YWS did, and I’m sure SQ doesn’t conveniently forget about that either, but in terms of how/why they got together, I guess it’s because despite everything they do know each other best, and are soulmates (tho not only in the sugar-spice-and-everything-nice way i.e. SQ does think YWS is handsome and YWS thinks SQ is the cutest thing ever later). SQ has seen the worst of YWS, and YWS has seen the worst of him - and SQ is made to realize that what he was before was not the best path he could go on because of YWS, but he adjusts his attitude slightly and holds on to his ideals sufficiently. 

On the other hand, YWS still does not believe everyone except his Ah Qiao can truly say they’re good and keep to it in every way, still thinks the worst of a lot of people if not all, but he stops to consider SQ’s POV and input now, whose opinions and every action now mean more to him than anything else ever will. Of course he has to prove himself and earn SQ’s trust back, but I guess he also doesn’t expect SQ to reciprocate, even after he developed feelings for SQ, knowing full well that he’s a mofo and SQ has every right to hate him after all he did.

They don’t fix each other, they’re not each other’s salvations, but they fit and come sort of to a truce, despite having differing views and principles.

Manipulation? Sure, but I think we forget that Shen Qiao is not a victim (except the part where he’s given to SJX) and his agency in every situation is apparent - He’s pretty clear-minded, he knows what Yan Wushi is doing, knows what his character is like, knows that he’s doing/saying things all to get a reaction out of him. He doesn’t expect YWS to help him either, because he knows YWS is here for fun and games. He doesn’t go along with YWS just because, either. He just made a wrong call by trusting that YWS reciprocated his feelings of friendship (not that it’s his fault at all), but that is certainly a moment of weakness he probably regrets.

---

In summary, I personally wasn’t all that put off by YWS’s behaviour, altho I agree the SJX incident is pretty much unforgivable. For me I read this more from the SQ perspective, because his strength shines in every moment and interaction with YWS and overshadows YWS by a lot, which is why the end makes sense to me.

In response to your question - yes YWS does get better when he’s finally totally convinced that SQ is not a hypocrite (although yeah it takes him a while to get there). And for me it’s nice to see Shen Qiao figure out himself, and also his feelings for YWS after, but also never once compromising himself for YWS.

But YWS is definitely less palatable than most other characters in danmei, so it’s natural if you dislike him and remain unconvinced! It happens XD If you hate this, I suggest you try Wu Shuang! Set in the same universe and timeline, and actually doesn’t have much angst - full on bantering between the main CP, constant veiled insults etc.

[zchaotic]

Decent story telling deciphering. Episode 3, Lusamine

Finally, the third member of the Aether Family and the one that has the most different adaptations.

Lusamine; President of the Aether Foundation and the mother of Gladion and Lillie.

Contrary to how the adaptations seem, they kept one big thing about her intact. Being a lousy mother with some messed up priorities.

From Vanilla SM, we have the one most of the fanbase is familiar with... as a terrifying villain and an example of how NOT to write a tragic villain that we want to see have a turnaround.

Let us start with her backstory, that gets better explained in USUM in comparison. She was someone who inherited the Aether Foundation from her father, met a man named Mohn, found love and had two kids.

Lusamine, is someone who is all about giving love to others and being loved back. According to the backstory, she was someone who loved her family that much, but has a fixation on it.

 The desire to love and be loved becomes a key component into her downward spiral when her husband, Mohn, had an accident involving researching an Ultra Wormhole. The man was sucked into a wormhole, never to be seen again and left Lusamine with a member of the family gone, the only things that were left was a Cosmog and notes on Nihilego, the only clue she has in regarding to where Mohn is.

This... as Lillie said to us on Exeggutor Island, was around the point Lusamine changed... for the worse.

Lusamine became fixated on wanting to get Mohn back, to the point of trauma induced madness, where she blindly searched for ways to open the wormhole and look for him.

This resulted in Type:Null being created, a weapon made from several pokemon, to fight against the Beast beyond the wormhole, it came off as a failure and was frozen away. In addition, she started becoming more controlling of her kids due to what happened with Mohn, where she decided everything for them and never let them make their own choices.

She either continued to mess with the wormhole so much that eventually she encountered Nihilego in some way and got high on neurotoxins that turn her into her most warped, extreme self that only cared about Nihilego OR became so focused on researching wormholes to the point of obsession of where only the beasts matter... which makes things very confusing in the games since neither are explained very well.

What we gotten by the time the games plot started, was a woman that was putting on a friendly facade and only had one goal, get the Ultra Beasts. She was willing to manipulate, control and use everyone around her for her schemes, just to reach Nihilego. With no regard to the safety of others and her obsession with the beasts and beauty, lead to really disturbing implications that many... myself included, believed. Like dressing Lillie up as Nihilego, so she would resemble the only thing she cares about, the only thing worth of her “love”.

It gets worse when Lillie got taken to Aether Paradise, when Lusamine verbally tore at Lillie, saying she wasn’t pretty, that Lillie isn’t able to do anything on her own, among other horrid things. We see her with many pokemon that she froze as part of her collection, her screaming at Gladion and Lillie, saying that they stole from her and betrayed her.

Was callous in her treatment of Nebby when she used its power to open many wormholes to bring the Ultra Beasts over, while taunting Lillie over the fact that it might die. Had Guzma... a gang leader, under her thumb and willing to do what ever she says, because she gave praise to him and possible was only taking advantage of him, follow her into Ultra Space, to be with Nihilego.

To be blunt, Lusamine was a grade A cunt!

During you and Lillie’s journey, we were giving some dialogue from the girl that things were not always like this. That Lusamine wasn’t the big uncaring cunt we saw... and that was the only hint as to why we were going into Ultra Space to rescue Lusamine and Guzma.

The Beasts that were let out of Alola were a problem that was swept under the rug and apparently, the big reason Lillie wanted to go into Ultra Space was to tell Lusamine off.

Seemed to make sense after learning that Lusamine ditched Guzma to do her own thing... which resulted in the gang leader latched on by those things for a moment.

Lillie calling Lusamine out only set that crazy woman off into flinging more abusive language at Lillie and letting Nihilego latch onto her. Becoming the Mother Beast and try to kill you and Lillie, Nebby shot at Lusamine in the end, separated the two and all of a sudden Lusamine became nicer and gave Lillie some sweet words before falling into a coma. Lillie instantly forgave her mother for all that, dragged her and Guzma out of Ultra Space and later on, Lillie felt obligated to help Lusamine recover by going to Kanto. With hints that Lusamine still doesn’t know what she did wrong.

In the post game, we learn that Nihilego wasn’t much of a mind control venom, we have no good hints into when, if and how she got infected and then Gladion mentioned the backstory with Mohn. It was the wrong place and the wrong time in the story FOR this information.

Leaving many players to care little about wanting to see this woman recover/ rebuild her relationship with her kids and either A. Want her dead or B. are more concern of the many messed up things she did to her kids. In addition, it is pokemon, Lillie and Bill, WILL find a way to pull that recovery off and Lusamine would have gotten off way too easy despite her crap.

Very sloppy way to end a story and left no closure... despite being an effective villain and an accurate portrayal of an abusive parent.

Gamefreak end up becoming aware of this and in came USUM with its rewrite of her.

A similar if identical backstory came around and it brought more light into Lusamine as a character... and actual character instead of a villain.

Instead of being allowed to pursue Nihilego to the levels it did in SM, she encountered people from another world (The Ultra Recon Squad.) that told her about a pokemon called Necrozma, that would steal the light of Alola and bring about the apocalypse.

We have Lusamine delve into a messiah complex, believing that she is the one to go after Necrozma and protect everyone, despite still being a bitch to her kids.

For many fans, this created a backlash and to them... think it was butchery of her character... when really it isn’t.

This when you bring everything into context, reveals the real reason she was obsessed with the Ultra Wormhole and expand on the Lusamine we knew from the first game.

Lusamine was obsessed with revenge, revenge against Ultra Space and the Ultra Beasts for stealing Mohn away from her. This is the reason why she allowed Type:Full to happen, Faba created it as a way to appease to her, without her knowing and the woman caught wind of it.

So she allowed it to happen/ oversaw it as a way to have a tool of vengeance. But, Type:Full didn’t go accordingly and she had it frozen. This fits perfectly in the woman’s descent into madness, for vengeance is a very strong motivator to terrible things.

Because Lusamine lost Mohn from things that became beyond her control, she vowed to make sure she doesn’t lose anyone else, due to things beyond her control. Which is why she became a control freak to Gladion and Lillie, why she still has all those frozen pokemon, it wasn’t about keeping things beautiful/ because they were play things to her, it was about not wanting to lose those close to her.

Lusamine... still....went.... nuts!

This brings a different light to Lillie’s old look as I mentioned, it’s resemblance to Nihilego was nothing more than a coincidence... Nihilego has nothing to do the metaphor. Instead, the clothes are a metaphor to how overbearing Lusamine is to her kids. “Children would be all much happier if they’d only listen to the adults around them.” A quote from the bitch herself.

She actually thinks that she knows best and everyone who said otherwise are to shut up/ get out of her way. Which helps make things like Nihlego showing up at Aether Paradise through an Ultra Wormhole, make all the more sense despite her goals having nothing to do with Nihilego... why she needed the Cosmog despite the Ultra Recon Squad having another way into Ultra Space. Why did any of that needed to happen despite that.

She wanted to use HER Cosmog, to open a wormhole to Necrozma and go after it, despite the URS planning a more controllable approach. She wanted to channel her frustration out on it, look for Mohn and keep her self appointed image as a protector of all. This is very selfish, all her talk of protecting others was just that... talk to hide her truer.. darker motives. All of it is displayed in the main story this time when Gladion brought up Mohn.

Thankfully, due to Nihilego not being Lusamine’s central focus this time, we got to see what would have been if that was never the case. In USUM espite how messed up of a person Lusamine became and how messed up as a parent she became, she DOES care about her kids and the pokemon under her care. Which makes her bitterness towards her kids understandable... despite it still being her own damn fault they ran and how Lillie and Gladion had every right to run. She really was hurt by how they left her, she lost those she held dear and her reasons for battling you and going after Necrozma becomes even more fueled... she wanted to prove to those around her that she was right and they were wrong.

This makes her, even in her grief fueled insanity, much more human compared to the monster she was in SM. While she isn’t the caricature of an abusive parent she was in SM, she is more effective as a character in USUM because we see the bigger picture with what has happened to her.

Despite how Hau said “I know she was a good person” Gladion’s reaction should have been enough to tell us that he doesn’t believe that to be the case, he knows Lusamine became horrible BUT he does get why she is doing the things she is doing.

Why she became the bitch she was and why should we care for her having a turn around and making repairs with her kids.

She is someone we still want to slap hard in the face, for all the mega bitch things she pulled and is someone that would turn around for the better.

Her relationship with Guzma... still hasn’t changed much, but brings more into light that YES the things she said to give praise to Guzma were genuine... though she still took advantage of him. The URS and their request for help against Necrozma, an excuse to try and look for Mohn while hiding that selfish reason.

Then Lusamine and Guzma got their asses KICKED by Necrozma. Who followed them straight to an evolved Nebby, these two... agroo’d Necrozma to the last thing ANYONE wanted that thing to be near.

It created a chain of events that lead to things from the first game happening, Ultra Beasts being let loose and calamity nearing. Unlike in SM, there was a reason why the Beasts were ignored this time, Necrozma was the bigger issue for you the player, it took Nebby as its fused form and escaped into Ultra Megapololis.

While this was happening, Lusamine was at the mercy of a pissed of Recon Squad and to Lillie who had a few things to say to her. Lillie told us what it was at Vast Poni Canyon’s entrance and with Lusamine in a better position to listen to Lillie.

During the time between you going after and beating Necrozma... Lusamine listened to Lillie and have a realization into how messed up she was as a person. That is why she apologized to Lillie, admitting that her kids were right to take the two pokemon (Nebby and Null) and run away from her. As her first act of repentance... she tended to what was the Cosmog she hurt for her goals.

Her second act.... letting her kids go. She let Lillie go back to a healthier family environment... away from the toxicity she wrought, she let Gladion go off to Kanto... waving goodbye to him all the more. (I still find that scene heartwarming and... arguable better than when Lillie went on that boat due to all the implications fueling it.)

In between your initial league victory and Rainbow Rocket, Lusamine had a small identity crisis. She knows she isn’t in any position to face her kids after the crap she done to them and she knows she lost the right to claim she was protecting anyone, after all she had hurt... she realized how low she sunk.

Then RR came, she tried to fight Giovanni and got held hostage, with the Don intending on making her into his servant. She may have turned into a Damsel and not do much on screen... but this is generally how things go in Pokemon Games, where a former villain says they are going to change for the better and that is the end of it. (Looking at Archie and Maxie.)

Once RR came... she found a resolve of what to do, made a vow to protect pokemon and love her kids from a distance. That she knows her kids are not her possessions and that she would only be involved with them again if they need her. If you go back down to the Aether Labs after RR... you have an employee tell you that the frozen pokemon are scheduled to be thawed. I didn’t mind the frozen pokemon still being there after that bit of digging, because reality ensues, a mess like that is going to take a while to clean up.

Then a month later, Gladion visits you for title defense and then visits Lusamine for unknown reasons. (Signs that the relationship is being mended.) Mohn appears, the reason for Lusamine’s downward spiral and what she done everything for... he has amnesia due to being a faller and doesn’t recognize his own wife. Lusamine... despite the torrent that was going on in her mind, made it into a casual conversation and let him go back to his new life. Very likely because if Mohn knew what she done... it would have just made him miserable in the end. With Mohn himself making a possibility that he will meet her again.

Very bittersweet, very effective closure to the Aether Families drama. Anyone who says USUM butchered their story, botched Lusamine’s character or retconned her into a “good person” or “a selfless angel” disappoints me to a great degree since SM only focused on her as a villain never bothered with that closure. The only thing that was done in USUM that would be a concern is that the family lost focus for Necrozma’s story, thus we don’t get the same emotional weight compared to SM.

SM’s Lusamine was a beta... and effective villain, but not what Gamefreak wanted from her. USUM made her into a more fleshed out character at some exchange for her villainy and gave her closure that she needed!

Now begins the third... and arguable the one to surpass the other adaptations despite being the most different out of all the others.

The Sun and Moon anime.

In this adaptation, despite having similar things happen in the background.

Her obsession with the Beasts is more of a scientific curiosity, wanting to see one than the things we saw in the SM games.

She didn’t become an abusive parent and would sooner smoother her kids with affection (unwanted affection.) then any of the things we know of from either sets of games.

The incident with Mohn... resulted in her being so depressed that she uses work as a way to null the pain, rather than an obsession with wanting to open the wormhole and look for him.

Is an adorable goofball and is actually a good person.

Despite those changes to her character, she still has quite a few things wrong with her.

She does things the way she wants to do it, her affection towards Lillie was unwanted and she doesn’t get that. In addition, she never really socializes with her kids before making those big decisions in changes. (Like with Clefairy, despite it being her’s and despite Clefairy touching the moon stone willing, Lusamine should have asked Lillie if it was okay to do so.)

Her neglect towards her kids... regardless of work or otherwise is disturbing due to what she allowed to happen. The event that lead to Lillie’s trauma, to Gladion’s distrust AND to all of it festering for a while, in addition to Faba being able to do all sorts of things under her nose.

Her unwanted affection comes off as shallow because work ended up coming before her kids.

They took out the evil aspects of Lusamine’s character... but kept in everything else that was wrong with her, contrary to what many think.

This resulted in the Aether Family having such a strained relationship, why Lillie is so hostile towards her. It took until Gladion chewed Lusamine out, to get it through this woman’s head just how poor of a parent she was. She wasn’t really there for Lillie when she needed her and Gladion thought Lusamine was in on the things Faba has done.

It took Lusamine having to do much to repair that relationship and part of the thing that showed her development was at the episode where Faba used Nebby to open a wormhole and bring in Nihilego. The beast was about to attack Gladion and Lusamine pushed him out of the way to protect him.

For me, I smiled for two reasons and was horrified by another. Lusamine showed her development and showed that she cared that much for her kids... and that I was going to have my sadistic wish of having Nihilego turn her into something close to the nut job we had from the SM games.

And I wasn’t disappointed when we next see her, we the audience may have a reason to care that our heroes are trying to rescue Lusamine... but she was screaming at her kids and in her temper tantrum nearly killed them.

As the Mother Beast... Lusamine was reduced to something like a child that was having her toy taken away from her and made it easier for Nihilego to have her under its control. This is what Lillie verbally struck at the Mother Beast, giving Lusamine a sign that she really need to make improvements as a mother... that realization struck past Nihilego and caused the woman to reach out to Lillie... only for Nihilego to cover her up with her own hair and tried to swat Lillie.

Then Ash uses the Z move and zaps the jellyfish off of Lusamine.

She was rescued, brought back home and had a short recovery. Then she thought of the idea to form and be the mission control of the Ultra Guardians... a group of kids that had experience with dealing with UB’s that are to deal with them.

For the rest of the series... we see the Aether Family slowly make repairs to where it resembles and behaves like normal family. From the Necrozma Arc, to the school play episode and lately, the Mohn episode.

That one, we actually see Lusamine watching in despair at Mohn being dragged into an ultra wormhole. Where is this family going to go in the end?

This answer, might make the SM anime the best adaptation of this drama, in its focus, closure and how it made it relatable to us... despite also being the most different.

I honestly hope Gamefreak does better with their next antagonist and make them easy to understand. Lusamine was a complete mess initially and that caused a ripple in the adaptations we saw.

[whiteroseisendgame]

Here’s the Bumbleby Social Link of my Persona/RWBY crossover! For those of you that prefer, the full thing is below the cut of this post as well, Tumblr has been eating tags as of late so idk if this’ll even post, but whatever.

13/09 Yang asked me to hang out with her after school. It felt a little like she had something more to say to me, but we ended up going to a café and just… Enjoying each other’s company. Asked if I was enjoying my time at Beacon, unconscious teammate notwithstanding. Told her it was fun, partly because I enjoy seeing her face light up, though on some level I think it’s the truth. There’s this, passion, she carries with her wherever she goes, and it’s hard not to get caught up in it, to start enjoying life just that tiny bit more when she’s around. Even just sitting on a terrace and drinking tea, listening to her puns. In a way, it’s hard to picture this girl as the same one whose hair and eyes catch fire when she’s rushing down Shadows in the Dark Hour. But the smirk is the same, regardless of the situation. Ever-present. Encouraging. A spark that motivates the rest of us to do our best.

I am thou, thou art I. Thou hast formed a bond with the free spirit, an embodiment of power. We bestow upon you the gifts of the Strength Arcana. Strength Rank 1-Follow-Up Attack: Chance to follow-up should an attack trigger a One More

20/09 Got a text asking if I wanted to spend the Saturday with “my favourite teammate,” so she took me to the manufacturing district like some sort of twisted field trip. Not a single fiction book in sight. Plenty of manuals on what looked like ancient technology to leaf through, though. Strangely, when we’d stopped for lunch, she turned beet red before admitting she was the one who built her weapons. Apparently, most people who talk to her only do so for the looks, not expecting the brain that comes with them. Not that it was something I would have expected either. I reassured her it was nothing to be ashamed of; after all, we could use that expertise to make our equipment better. A conclusion she came to herself, offering to enhance anything we found in Beacon provided I also brought her the parts needed to do so.

Strength Rank 2- Start with a Yang: Yang is now capable of basic upgrades to your weapons.                                Back Talk: Chance to step in if Shadow negotiation fails.

22/09 Decided to spend my free time with Yang. On a whim, she offered to take me for a ride on Bumblebee. Honestly? I could get used to living life like this. Spontaneous, energetic, free. It’s like the antithesis to life with Adam, he had to control every. Little. Thing he could. Plus, she stopped at a flower store and ended up buying a bouquet of Deadly Nightshade, talking about how it should be my codename for missions. When she asked what flower I thought of when I pictured her, I answered honestly; Chrysanthemums, after all, I read somewhere that they symbolised optimism, and that’s what Yang is to me. On the other hand, it might’ve just been because they remind me of her hair. If she ever asks, I’m going with the first one. After all that, it felt like she wanted to say what she’d originally intended to on our first outing, but she stopped herself again, mumbling that it wasn’t the right time. Whenever she’s ready to tell me, I’ll listen.

Strength Rank 3- Baton Pass: Allows Yang to set up an enemy for a killing blow from a teammate.

29/09 Xiao-Long finally worked up the courage to talk to me about what was on her mind. Huh, calling her by her surname doesn’t work as well as when she does it to me. Having “Belladonna” shouted across the hallway certainly gets my attention every time! Before I knew it, I was being pulled into an empty classroom and listening, watching as Yang drew her uncle’s insignia on the board. She opened up to me about Raven (her mother), and her desperate attempt to find her when she was younger. Apparently, even Ozpin doesn’t know what happened first-hand, just Qrow’s last report, which he turned in before refusing to do any more work. I finally cracked and told her. About Adam, what the White Fang were doing, how they had access to the Dark Hour. How I couldn’t sleep because I was scared he’d find out where I ran off to. Strangely, she simply offered to stand guard in the hallway every night until I felt safe. Her own way of lightening the mood, and the insanity of the suggestion certainly did just that. After a comfortably long hug, long enough that we were both smiling by the end of it, she reiterated that she meant it. Something tells me I might actually be sleeping comfortably tonight.

Strength Rank 4- Intimidating Stance: Yang’s imposing stature means enemies may ask for less during a negotiation.

12/10 After taking out the train of White Fang, Yang stopped me at lunch to ask how I was doing. I didn’t even say anything, but I could feel my pulse start racing. Apparently, she could tell as well, insisting I spend time with her after school. Part of me considered ditching her; I didn’t want to talk about it. Not so soon after putting everyone in danger. Instead, we found a nice little ramen shop where Yang seemingly knew the owner. After a few whispered words, he returned with a huge bowl of tuna! Only noticed I was drooling when she reached to dab it off my chin with a napkin, embarrassingly, but the food was really good. She still ate way more than me, insisting it was her treat after the ordeal, and ignoring the fact I was holding all our funds from Shadow fighting. Granted, I’m sure people would be asking questions if I casually spent hundreds of thousands of Lien like it was nothing. I think it had its intended effect, though. Everyone had been handling me like I’d break if breathed on. We finally talked as friends again. Not as teammates, or in deference to me as field leader. On the way back to the dorm, she admitted to practicing more with weapon upgrades in her free time, saying she might have found a way to increase the firepower of our guns.

Strength Rank 5- Continue with a Yang: Firearm upgrades now available                                Harisen Recovery: Yang can now cure status ailments inflicted on party members

14/12 I agreed to see a film with Yang during our Christmas break. Her pick. She wouldn’t admit it, but I have a suspicion she based this choice on what she thought I’d enjoy. Action, but with a message. And a helpful dollop of mushy romance. Thankfully it wasn’t an adaptation of one of my books, I’m not sure anyone could properly translate them onto the big screen. What keeps going through my mind isn’t the film, however. At some point, I felt her hand gently graze mine, before gripping it more affirmatively. Caringly. Not that I was going to protest. Almost instinctively, my hand curled around hers in response, urging her not to let go without saying a word. For the rest of our time out, she did her best to avoid eye contact, like locking eyes would turn her to stone, or something. I couldn’t tell you what it meant, but I wasn’t opposed to most of the conclusions I reached. There was definitely something between us. While she’s probably embarrassed about it, as most people would be, I got to see a different side to her once again. For once, it felt like she let her guard down, stopped putting on airs and just… Enjoyed being herself, briefly. The girl I went out with today wasn’t Ruby’s sister or my second-in-command, but Yang herself. I’m not sure I can really put the sensation into words besides those, but it’s like we were dragged much closer than we’ve ever been before.

Strength Rank 6- Smooth Technique: Chance to step in during negotiation and steer discussion

03/01 I messed up. Seeing her in that hospital bed just drives it home. I can only imagine this is what I looked like to her as Adam towered over me. All motivation, just… gone. Resignation. I thought going alone would make it easier, and less like we were there to look after her. That I was coming to see her as a friend, like she’d done for me after the train. No amount of ramen could mend this. I did my best to make jokes like she did, but even that wasn’t working. When I finally got her to turn around, she was fixated on the bandages around my waist. My own reminder of the encounter. She asked me to take my jacket off, to let her see it. It was probably only a few seconds, half a minute at most, but it definitely felt like an eternity in uncomfortable silence. “Don’t go.” The last thing I expected Yang to say. Her smile was definitely forced, lacking in its assuredness. But I could see in her eyes that there was still determination, pleading, screaming for me not to go, that in that very moment she wouldn’t be able to bear it. Not after almost losing me once two nights ago. So I stayed. Held her remaining hand in both of mine. Watched it shake as she finally let all of her rage and despair boil over. “I’m not leaving.” Any other time, that line would be as cliché as they come, but not tonight. Tonight, it was the truth. And the weird thing? Afterwards, that was the first time I’d seen her smile properly since losing her arm. If it weren’t for the missing limb, you could’ve easily convinced me nothing happened that night.

Strength Rank 7- Endure: Chance to withstand a fatal attack with 1 HP remaining

01/02 Exactly a month. That was how little time it took Yang Xiao-Long to start training again. Admittedly, I jumped a little when I heard her ringtone after class, and it was hard not to blush when I found her leaning against the school gates, like a cool anime character, prosthetic sprayed yellow-and-black to match her aesthetic. On the surface, she was better. Laughing, joking, insisting firing her arm at Shadows was a viable combat tactic. But those cool amethyst eyes gave everything away. I didn’t press her on it; no matter how much I wanted to, trying to force her to open up would have the inverse effect, and I knew that. For today, we focused on getting her back in the field. What really stuck out to me was how quickly she’d come to accept the substitute as the real deal. In fact, were it not for the brightly coloured paintjob, you could be lulled into thinking it had always been there. Apparently, the weapon wasn’t in there when Weiss left the box outside her room, she referred to it as a “Yang special,” a shotgun hidden in the wrist. When we were done, she explained that, thanks to making her modifications, she might be able to tweak our weapons further before we next head into Beacon.

Strength Rank 8- Finish with a Yang- Upgrades to weapon critical hit chance are now available.

05/02 Even though I was the one who asked Yang to hang out with me, she still insisted on choosing where we go. Of all places, I didn’t expect to be back at the flower shop again. And she had a request. Pick out a flower that I thought represented her now, and she’d do the same for me. Even before doing it, the whole thing felt like a strange test, almost wanting to make sure my opinion hadn’t changed because of what happened. Or, at the very least, hadn’t changed to something she disliked. I don’t think it surprised her when we both picked something different to our first choices. She handed me a light purple rose, explaining that it meant love at first sight, and adding that she thought purple things complemented my eyes well. My choice was slightly less romantic. A black tulip, an association I’d formed with her after finding out that specific colour represents strength. No one else could possibly understand how strong Yang was to me. No other people were there when she saved me from Adam. When she stood up to the one person, I thought was unbeatable. And stood back up again when he tried to destroy her. The bear hug was unexpected though. She was practically in tears the moment I explained. We both knew there was more between us now. You just don’t do what Yang’s done for me on friendship alone. Love. It’d always been there, I think. Especially since she thinks of me as being a love at first sight. The hand-holding, wanting me to stay despite telling everyone else to leave, all of it was shoved into focus now I had a glimpse of her perspective. Even opening up about personal things, things she couldn’t tell anyone else. Our trust was more than that of good friends, of teammates. Somehow, we’d fallen right into each other’s laps. And I was all the happier for that.

Strength Rank 9- Protect: Chance for Yang to take a fatal blow for Blake. It would seem your relationship with Yang is getting intimate.

10/02 Yang finally let me pick where we go on a date. Feels weird calling it that. A good weird, though, like it’s what we should’ve been calling these outings the whole time. Something tells me she knew I’d just want to ride somewhere on Bumblebee, already knowing “just the place” after I suggested it. A small piece of nature, untouched by the sprawling metropolis below. Even the road we’d stopped on was a fair walk away. Almost too many types of flower to count. And a small clearing just on the edge of the cliff. The romantic in me wants to say it was just big enough for two people, though that’s probably an exaggeration. She grabbed my hand again, without hesitation this time, and promised we’d do everything together, even when we’re done with school and the Dark Hour. I believed her, too. Especially when she leaned in for a kiss. Had to stop myself blurting out “finally!” But it was worth it. I never want to be apart from her again. From the sounds of it, I’ll never have to be, either. My Yang was back. The one who stood by me when my worst nightmare came true, and had the balls to fight it. The Yang that opened up to me because she saw me as an equal, not as someone to be protected. We’ve both grown so much from when we started, and we’ve still got a ways to go, but now we can do it together.

Strength Rank 10- BumbleBY: When Blake and Yang are in a party together, both are immune to status effects.

[crystalelemental]

Round 2 of the final league run.

Aaron was much cleaner this time.  Dialga led since my Yanmega loses to his despite TImid 252 speed EVs, because mine didn’t also have perfect IVs.  Ooooh, so sorry, sir.  But we switched to Granbull against Heracross, and it turns out it could handle both Heracross and Flygon, though Flygon was a bastard who dodged Play Rough, so fuck me I guess.  But Dialga got to come back and wreck shop against the rest of his team.  Had to use a Full Restore against Scizor, but he used one against me.  Then we got to Roar of Time his Drapion to hell.  Only two deaths, eat shit.

Bertha’s second attempt was much cleaner, far fewer shenanigans.  We actually didn’t have a Guillotine death, and no real surprise crits or misses.  Everything hit and nobody suffered.  We won, but barely.  It was a really fun fight.  Still my favorite E4 here.

Flint with 8-turn Sun is terrifying.  Like that scared the hell out of me.  Our solution was running out sun and having Cresselia tank, after Arcanine killed itself in recoil damage.  But man, shoutouts to Cresselia, taking like 70 damage (20%) from Fire Punch off Infernape, and easily healing that off with Leftovers/Moonlight.  I’m so proud of her somehow clutching out that win.  Also to Granbull for somehow getting a Quick Claw priority, and a hang on effect.

Lucien was actually the weakest of them, but I think that’s more because it was a Stall battle, and I had Leech Seed.  Shoulda brought Exeggutor, my dude.  Anyway, Leafeon hard stalled Bronzong, tried to stall Slowbro but missed a Leech Seed (eight 90+% moves missed), but when the next one landed, dipped out to Cresselia, who then maxed out Calm Mind and swept with ease.

Cresselia also took point against Cynthia.  One Calm Mind buff was enough to take only 130 from Dark Pulse, and we set up on it for days.  Eventually, she gets paranoid of your buffs and spams Sucker Punch, so we waited and stalled that out 5 turns and then blasted it away.  Cresselia also dodged the Meteor Mash from Lucario, which was aces.  Porygon-Z couldn’t hurt it, but I wish she used Hyper Beam instead of Ice Beam.  I wanted to see what the strongest damage in her arsenal could do to me.  Milotic actually walled us decently, Psychic was a two-shot, but she was faster and has Recover, so it was rough.  We did eventually get Moonblast and the passive Burn to overcome her recovery though.  We couldn’t one-shot Togekiss at all, so I used my heal item on something I never expected to.  Max Ether.  We needed that PP back.  Unfortunately, the last shot from Togekiss was not just paralysis, but a lucky crit that cut us to a bit over half HP.  Just before Garchomp.  Thankfully, without Swords Dance, Dragon Claw only dealt around 35%.  And when she tried to Swords Dance, we got to act through Paralysis.  And so, we defeated Cynthia.  Again.  With...one Pokemon.  I feel kinda bad, but I know full well she’d punch my soul out through my ass if I tried to fight her any other way.

So that’s it.  The last major challenge in the game, defeated.  And with this success, I have obtained...the Champion Sticker.  Witness.  Second try.

In all seriousness,that was the level of fight I was looking for.  That was brutally challenging, and really pushed some strategies to their limit.  Flint was overall the hardest to beat, just because of how insanely powerful his attacks were, and how awful my team is against Fire.  I think we might have been okay if I had led Cresselia, since Ninetales is specially offensive, but frankly that seems to be true of everyone but Aaron, who is both super-effective and faster.  If anything, this really just showed how good Cresselia is.  So good.  So very, very good.  I love Cresselia so much.  I really hope we get a Dawn/Cresselia alt in Masters for this event.  Please, DeNA.

[12-3amproductions]

11 Tragic Events of Cecil Hotel

Hi welcome to today's article on Cecil hotel, a famous place for its reputation on violence and suicide, making it one of the top haunted hotels in the world. We did a case-study on Elisa Lam, whose body was found in the water tank of Cecil hotel. For those of you who didn't know about the case, you can visit our ‘Cases’ section to view it.

Background

Stay on Main Hotel & Hostel is a budget hotel in Downtown Los Angeles (formally known as Cecil Hotel), is located at 640 S Main Street, which was opened in 1927. It has 600 guest rooms and it is now renovated and re-developed into a mix of hotel rooms and residential units.

History

The Cecil hotel was constructed in 1924 by hotelier William Banks Hanner, as a destination for business travelers and tourists. Designed by Loy Lester Smith in the beaux arts style. The hotel cost $1 million to complete with a marble lobby with stained-glass windows, potted palms and alabaster statuary. Hanner had invested confidently in the enterprise. Within five years of its opening, the united states sank into the great depression. The hotel flourished as a fashionable destination in the 1940s, In 2011 the Cecil hotel was rebranded as "Stay on Main," complete with a new website . The hotel was sold in 2014 to New York City hotelier Richard Born for $30 million and another New York-based firm Simon Baron Development, acquired a 99 year ground lease on the property. It was also said that there will be a rooftop pool, gym and lounge and these construction are expected to be complete by 2019.

Cases of Tragic Events

1. Richard Ramirez

Richard Ramirez, a serial killer and rapist known as the 'Night Stalker', terrorized Los Angeles and San Francisco from June 1984 to August 1985, murdering 13 victims in over a year. A practicing Satanist, Ramirez brutally killed both men and women, using a variety of weapons to take the lives of his victims, including a hammer, a tire iron, handguns, knives and a machete.

During the time Ramirez was breaking into homes in and around L.A. and assaulting, murdering, raping and robbing the occupants, he was a quest at the Cecil Hotel. Ramirez stayed in a room on the top floor, and he paid just $14 a night for a place to return to after committing acts of violence, he often throw his blood stained clothing into the Cecil's dumpster. By the time he was apprehended, Ramirez had finished his stay at the famed hotel, but his connection to the Cecil still lives on.

2. Elisa Lam

In January 2013, Elisa Lam, a 21 year old Canadian tourist who was staying at the Cecil Hotel, went missing. Nearly three weeks passed before the young woman's nude body was found floating in a water tank on the building's roof. Disturbingly, a maintenance worker discovered Lam's corpse because he was investigating complaints from guests at the hotel who had reported poor water pressure; others stated the water had a strange smell, color and taste.

Following the recovery of the young woman's remains, the police department released a video footage from the hotel that showed Lam behaving strangely prior to her disappearance. The officials determined the 21 year-old had died of drowning and believed that Lam may have experienced mental health issues that caused her to crawl inside the tank and accidentally drowned.

3. Johann "Jack" Unterweger

Johann "Jack" Unterweger, an Austrian journalist and author who had been released from prison after murdering a teenage girl when he was a young man, stayed in the Cecil Hotel in 1991 while he was researching a story about crime in Los Angeles. Unterweger killed a number of women in Europe and during his visit to California, he murdered three sex workers while he was a guest at the Cecil.

He was eventually arrested and convicted of killing several victims, including the three women he murdered wile visiting Los Angeles. He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole but he hanged himself in his cell the night he received his sentence.

4. A women threw her newborn out the window of her hotel

In September 1944, 19 year-old Dorothy Jean Purcell was awakened by severe stomach pains while staying at the Cecil Hotel with Ben Levine, who was 38 years old. Carefully not to wake Levine, who was sleeping in the bed beside her, Purcell went to the bathroom and to her surprise, she gave birth to a baby boy. The teenage mother was completely shocked as she have no idea that she had been pregnant for several months.

After Purcell delivered the infant, completely alone; she tossed the boy's body out of the window due to some panic attack issues. The newborn landed on the roof of a neighboring building where it was later discoered. Purcell was charged with homicide but a jury deemed her not guilty by reason of insanity and she was then sent to a hospital for psychiatric treatment.

5. Other suicide cases

In November 1931, a 46 year-old man from Manhattan Beach, W.K Norton was reported missing but not long after he disappeared from his home, he was found dead in a room at the Cecil Hotel. Apparently, Norton had checked into the hotel under an alias and commited suicide by ingesting capsules filled with poison. North was the first person to kill himself while staying at the Cecil, he certainly wasn't the last. Earning him a ghoulish place in the hotel's dark history. Almost a dozen people have committed suicide in the hotel, including one man who slashed his own throat with a razor and at least three people who jumped out of the hotel's windows.

6. A passerby was killed by the body of a falling women

On October 12, 1962, a 65 year-old man named George Gianinni, was walking past the Cecil hotel when he was hit by the body of Pauline Otton, who was 27 years old, who had jumped from the window of her ninth-floor room. Following a fight with her husband, Otton wrote a suicide note and fall 90 feet to her death, not knowing she would end the lift of a complete stranger. The passerby Gianinni was killed instantly, proving that even walking past the Cecil Hotel can be deadly.

7. A hotel resident known as Pigeon Goldie was raped and murdered

On June 4, 1964, retired telephone operator Goldie Osgood, known by the locals as ‘Pigeon Goldie’ was nicknamed because she loved to feed the birds in Pershing Square. She was found viciously murdered in her room at the Cecil. Osgood had been strangled, stabbed, and raped and her room had also been burglarized. Sadly, the culprit reponsible for Osgood's murder has never been caught.

8. A young women fell from her window and got tangled in telephone wires

In March 1937, 25 year-old Grace E.Magro died as a result of either falling or jumping from the window of her room on the ninth floor of the Cecil Hotel. Instead of hitting the sidewalk below, the young woman landed on the wires connecting the telephone poles next to the hotel and her body became entangled. Magro was taken to a nearby hospital but was eventually dead from her severe injuries. The police were unable to determine if the young woman's death was an accident or a suicide and M.W. Madison, the sailer whom Magro was sharing the hotel room with, was unable to explain how or why she plunged from the window.

9. A woman jumped to her death and landed on the hotel's marquee

On October 23, 1954, Helen Gurnee a middle aged woman from San Diego, committed suicide by jumping from the window of her room on the seventh floor. Instead of hitting on the level ground of the street, her body landed on the marquee of the Cecil Hotel and a witness (26 year-old Melvin Hinkley) was so disturbed upon witnessing the death, he had to be taken to a nearby hospital.

Gurnee, who had been staying at the hotel for a week prior before her death, had checked into the Cecil under another name. Following her suicide, the press publicized the unit Gurnee was staying in at the time of her death, making room 704 a popular request to those ghost enthusiast.

10. A suspected murderer was arrested while hiding out at the cecil

On the afternoon of July 6, 1988, the body of 32-year old nurse, Teri Francis Craig, was discovered by her brother in huntington Beach house. The young woman shared the room with her boyfriend, 28 year-old salesmanc, Robert Sullivan. Craig had been brutally stabbed multiple times and police began to suspect Sulivan was responsible for the murder when he failed to return home living with the deceased woman together for seven years. More than two months later on September 6, 1988, Sulivan was arrested at the Cecil Hotel and charged with murdering Craig, making him another person who sought refuge in this dark hotel.

11. A man opened fire from the hotel's rooftop

On December 1, 1976, 26 year-old Jeffrey Thomas Paley terrified guests at the Cecil and people passing by the hotel when he went up the roof of the hotel and fired several shots from the riffle. Thankfully, Paley failed to shoot anyone and he was arrested by police shortly after the rampage began. After he was taken into custody, Paley told the officers he hadn't actually intended to hurt anyone. According to him, who had spent time in a mental hospital, he purchase the gun and fired the shots to demonstrate how easy it is for someone with psychiatric issues to get their hands on a dangerous weapon and kill a large number of people.

After those incidents, Cecil Hotel implemented new rules and had their buildings renovated. There wasn’t any of such cases ever since.

Conclusion

[themamil]

Time flies

So it's been quite a while since I posted anything of much detail on here. Somehow life got in the way and ran away from me, despite a few developments in my cycling world.

In June regrettably I had a relapse of my Atrial Fibrillation. This was a bit of a shock because I'd been 18 months clear after my Cardiac Ablation and so figured I was fixed. It brought me crashing back to earth again a little and I had to re-build myself up again in terms of my training and I lost a fair bit of momentum.

As things stand, I haven't had another re-lapse, and I'm beginning to wonder whether the COVID vaccine may have had something to do with it. It was an interesting time because I also had a persistent headache and ended up in Ambulatory Care at Frimley Park hospital with concerns from my GP that there might be a clot from the vaccine.

Anyhow, false alarm and after meeting with the cardiologist, and tracking my blood pressure for a week, things have settled down and I have had no other instances of Atrial Fibrillation. Fingers crossed...

I spent a week in the Witterings with the family in July where I truly discovered gravel riding (after my roadbike was stuck in the shop waiting for a new brake hose which was on a 4 week order) after I decided to sell my Specialized Tarmac frameset and move all the components from that to my Titanium Spectre.

I looked to rent a bike but the prices and logistics were insane, so I bought a entry level gravel bike (Kona Rove) on FB marketplace and rode to and from the Witterings, and all around the Witterings whilst there, and then promptly sold the bike for £50 more than I bought it for. Result!

However, I got the gravel bug and put an order in for a Reilly Gradient Titanium. It was slated for an October delivery so I needed to be patient. My sheer luck, I found out that they had a batch of Gradient T47 (based on the T47 bottom bracket) coming in sooner. Whilst a little more expensive, it was worth the upgrade and faster leadtime, so I updated my order and the frameset arrived in August.

I then spent 2 days building it up with the old Spectre components, and then a further day watching Wellsy (a riding mate) come and dismantle pretty much everything I installed and re-doing it properly.

As I write this I will have a (2nd) steer cut booked in for tomorrow and this coming weekend have a 2 day bikepacking tour down to the South Downs with Stu and Wellsy. My first foray into this new world, and something I am really looking forward to.

In addition to all that above, Harry (my lad) got COVID, which meant we had to cancel our second week away and self-isolate for 10 days. Arrrrgh. Thankfully he recovered fully, but it does mean I am due some time off and I feel like I really need it.

During this time as well I also ditched the Apple Watch (which I only started wearing due to a work project) and got myself a Whoop. I thought that if I am able to keep track of my strain and recovery better than I have been, it might give some additional insights if AF does re-occur. I'll do a proper write-up once I am a month in. I'm only about 10 days in so far, but so far, so good.

So that's the whistle-stop update. I plan to share lots of details about my bikepacking adventure and all it encompasses in the near future. Thanks for reading.

[twistedblogger]

Burnout

League of Legends is my most recent addiction. While recovering from burnout this past year the plan has been to do all the things I felt I never fully had time for or energy to commit to while working. Playing this game was one of them.

It has now been eight months since I quit my job. Day after day, week after week, month after month my health issues has been spiralling out of control due to my honestly pretty insane recovery strategy. This is something I’ve been vaguely aware of the entire time while still hoping for something good to come of it. If this was fiction, this would be a lovely moment to add some positive rationalization end note about my insane year, but even though it had some good moments, no, this was a terrible year for me.

In reality, from day one after I quit my job, I knew what I needed. I needed therapy, both for my burnout and other traumas. I needed to maintain healthy routines and to check up on my ever growing list of medical issues. I needed to stop isolating myself ever since I figured out I actually wanted to have a social life again. I needed to start planning moving since ultimately the only reason I’ve lived in my city for so long was the job I no longer have.

A few days ago I was finally able to admit to myself that I should have quit this isolation insanity a long time ago. It started with me removing this game and everything related to it from my life.  I wish it was as a rational decision as this text makes it sound like, but I assure you it was not. My obsession simply ran its course, and I was lucky enough to be in a reasonable mindset at the end of it. As with many of my obsessions, they are the master of me, not the other way around, and I end them when they decide to.

Something I can take credit for however is taking this moment of clarity and using it for something productive, which brings me to the actual update in my life: I wrote to an old friend telling her I need someone to talk to. I’m exhausted and terrified about facing reality. Just texting her the other night took me hours of plain staring at my phone before I even wrote a single letter.

We’re going for a walk tomorrow.

I could probably end the post at this note, but I feel the need of expressing myself, so while I’m at it picking my own brain, let me tell you about my year. It’s been such a mess that I feel the need to wrap my hear around it. Imagine the "Hakuna matata" scene from Lion King, but rewritten by Christopher Nolan with a dark depression theme.

Slob

Each and every single day I’ve been distracting myself from reality. By playing video games, watching movies and eating junk food. Starting out I felt pretty good about it. I thought of it as giving myself space and time to heal, time to do whatever it was that I wanted. I was waiting for the day when I would miss the real life again. That day never came.

Life without a job was not so different for me compared to when I was working. Even when I was healthy I was not much of a social person, so most of my activities have always been something I can do from the safety of my own apartment. Except for one of them, which was the gym.

Having the gym was a lifesaver for me. It kept things on a beat for me in a new life where I had no schedule anymore. I would get breakfast nicely together with my finished workout, boosting my energy for the day. And the ride home from the gym would give me a very nice opportunity to visit the store if I needed anything before diving into the vast distraction of hobbies waiting for me at home.

Watching my passion for working out slowly dying out has been both heartbreaking and a catalyst to turning my daily routine into grayscales.

While escaping reality I would go on such long gaming or tv watching binges that I would stay awake for so long I’d collapse out of exhaustion. I’d then wake up in the middle of the night, ready to go about my gym routine, but then feeling awkward about going to the gym at such a late hour, so I’d ultimately skip it. 

A break here and there eventually turned into only going to the gym once a week, and then once every several weeks. All while becoming more of a slob at home. Eventually I lost my sanity, there's no better way of putting it. Scary wild-haired dirty hobo level insanity. I hit my low when I one day visited the gym in the same dirty clothes I wore at home after not showering for several days. Isolation had brought me to the point that I regarded other people as irrelevant spectators in my life. The manager at the gym called me out for coming to the gym as such a slob, and I'm glad she did. Embarrassed I snapped out of it, apologized and fled the scene. It was like waking up from a dream, only that the dream had been real life all along. That was the last time I visited the gym. Months ago.

This was when things got real bad for me. This left me with no regular visits to the outside world. No job, no gym, no outside hobbies, no nothing. It didn't take long until ordering takeout was my primary means of survival, and wow did it get bad. I can’t even remember the number of times I’ve found myself living in a near-literal junk yard of empty soda bottles and takeout containers. Thankfully moments of panicked self-preservation have forced me to go on cleaning sprees, carrying comically huge black trash bags to the common recycling house. I wouldn’t be surprised if my neighbours have started to believe I’m the local trash man rather than their actual neighbour.

Dating

And then there was the dating period. This part of the year however wasn't that bad in the end, although just as much of a distraction. In between all of my hobbies I would constantly be on my phone talking to some stranger on a dating site. I enjoyed the attention, I enjoyed dreaming, but most of all I was happy to not have to face my loneliness. I haven't been in a place in my life where a romantic relationship has even been a vaguely good idea in a very long time. Since way before my burnout, so it's no news to me. However it's taken me some time to accept and to actually take a step back from dating, embracing loneliness. So in the end I'm actually quite proud of this one, even though it's yet another example of me avoiding my issues, I'm happy I've managed to stop chasing love.

Anxiety

While the theme of the story is constant distraction from reality, every now and then a rare moment would occur and my mind would give me a proverbial brief sigh of relief whenever I managed the exhausting task of scratching every itch my mind would throw at me. Lo and behold, I found myself bored. I would walk around the apartment with a blank stare, sighing, flailing my arms around haphazardly. I’d go out on the balcony and lean over the railing observing mundane things such as the weather or the construction work going on. Then reality knocks on the door and anxiety comes right in. However, my defense mechanisms are on point so of course I'm immediately back right on track distracting myself with another game or movie.

When I go to bed there’s nothing to distract me, so naturally this gives me all of the time in the world to think about all the intricate details of all the things in life I need to deal with, and how hopeless my future seems to me sometimes. 

A couple of times a month these nights turn into full on anxiety attacks that makes an already screwed up sleeping schedule even worse. I say already screwed up because every now and then the idea of sleep simply scares me due to what I just described, so instead I choose to stay awake and distracted. Obviously I can’t stay awake forever, so eventually I just collapse into sleep, whether it’s day or night at the time.

Some nights are fine however. Some times I go to bed motivated, without fear. I think about my issues and feel empowered to solve them, staying awake thinking of solutions. Only to wake up and doing nothing at all about it. Which makes me feel even more anxious.

Fear 

I’m so afraid of life today. I’ve gotten burnt from so many things I’m beginning to lose faith, whether it’s about romance, friendship, hobbies or work. I rarely dream anymore, and I even less risk getting my hopes up. My natural reaction to promising events in life today is anxiety and fear about what may go wrong.

Whenever I think of or talk about hopelessness, in my mind it always segues to suicide. To me that’s ridiculous and not applicable to me, so I don’t want you worrying about that. I don’t believe myself to have a suicidal personality. Which is important to note because it’s part of what puts me where I am today. I believe every person has two choices in life: live or die. And I’m currently doing neither. My life is in grayscale and I’m doing nothing about it.

Time and freedom can be such a curse to a person in my situation. I saved money to give myself space after quitting my job. It sure did give me space. It enabled me to procrastinate, to isolate. To do nothing. But now that time is running out, so my survival instincts are kicking in, forcing me to see reason.

This year has helped me realize that doing nothing is not the way forward. Aside from giving me more anxiety and bills.

I said I was waiting for the day when I would miss the real life again. That day never came. I don’t miss real life. I feel hopeless, my passion is but a glimmer in the dark, and I’m afraid of the world. But I’m tired of doing nothing. I want to do Something.

[rossniven]

A Running Commentary

2/7/17

I am tired and the game face feels like its failing me these days. At least to those who know me well. The fakery is difficult at work. Not onboard as that’s the distraction and, generally, I can rely on almost a decade’s worth of repetition to get me through the day. With colleagues it’s harder though. The expectation to be ‘you’ is hard when you feel like utter...shit. 

I find myself back in a dance with depression/anxiety. This time feels much more ‘gripping’. Every ‘upswing’ is followed by a sharp yank down after a few days. I’m on roughly week 4 of this. A ‘Functioning Depressive’ might best describe it. Getting by on established patterns. Fudging it.

About a year a half ago, after a particularly nasty time, I found myself on this amazing ‘upswing’. Everything was really good. Genuinely awesome. I was happier than I’d been in...years! Now with every ‘down pitch’, it seems to get further away and more unattainable. I find myself wondering how the hell I got to that place and frustrated that I can’t seem to now. Clutching on tightly to positive moments, hoping they will catapult me back to that spot. When you don’t know what got you there in the first place, you’ll try anything. 

I absolutely have a lot to be happy about! I totally agree. Amazing wife, two insanely wonderful kids, employment, music...but that isn’t how depression works. It could give two shits about where you’re at in life or what you have. I will say this time, my depression seems to be manifesting it’s self in a different way, which in itself is exhausting. I never even thought about it ‘shifting’. This time, I am exhausted to the point of going back to bed. Very odd. 

8/7/17

Thinking about the constants which, of course, are avoidance and reclusion. There is a level of self-protection and comfort in that. Still, that only lasts so long before you realise the effect that has on your family, income, social relationships etc. Then, it’s either sink or swim. And this is where my guilt manifests and has the potential to make things worse. Thankfully, I also know this is my breakpoint. A time for action. 

13/7/17

A week or so later. Still tired, though that is due to a bout of flu. I’m feeling better, mentally. Much less foggy and with a direction to follow. I’m not focussing on ‘clinging to the upswings’. Rather, using tools to pull myself up out of ‘Blah Island’ and using those tools to move on. 

Firstly, I can’t stress to you the importance of having a great Psychologist, should you ever require one. I was exceptionally fortunate to have clicked with my Psych first go. We’ve been a team for well over 10 years now. This time, we’re trying a few different things and I am excited about that. Having the tools to deal with these moments is so important. Sometimes you don’t have what it takes to make it through on your own. NEVER BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. I know the stigmas attached to mental health issues are rubbish, but I have found myself, this time, feeling embarrassed, emasculated and guilty. It’s why I chose to document this ‘episode’, and also why I choose to share it. I know my thoughts at the time were incorrect. Every year, around 6% of all adult Australians are affected by a depressive illness. So, why be embarrassed by it? If more experiences were shared by the people dealing with these issues, maybe more people would be more confident seeking help. 

I digress. 

A key part of moving forward, at least for me, is wanting to move forward. Having ideas, tools and exercises to do that helps immensely. Having someone to do that with you, that you trust, is brilliant. And it is a huge team effort. It is never just you and a psychologist. It’s your partner. Your family. Your friends, Your employer. Often unsung heroes in your personal battle. The compassion, patience and understanding from my wife has been a huge catalyst in my getting back on a better path and can never be overstated. My kids provide me the deepest comedic moments and a-grade cuddles. My friends (when they know what’s going on, because you can’t help if you don’t know what’s going on) are the best boosts and conversations. Like a lot of people in my situation, when I am in the thick of it I just don’t want to talk about it. How do you explain what the problem is when you haven’t go a clue yourself? Sometimes, however, the best thing you can do is get the ball rolling at let the person waffle. Get discussion happening. It can be a great thing. 

One thing that has really only just occurred to me over the last week is the origin of my depression/anxiety, and it is something I am planning to delve deeper into. I was in a pretty spectacular accident in 1993, which resulted in a lot of facial trauma (no jokes please haha) and surgeries. It was a decent physical road to recovery and there were somewhat immediate mental affects (like, I couldn’t cross particular roads on my way to/from school), but generally I was unscathed for years...until my mid-late 30′s. Parts of the accident I had either forgotten or buried in my subconscious have resurfaced and the subsequent feelings with them. Sounds bad, but I am actually excited by it because it means I can work on the core of these issues and get it all sorted out. Positives, folks. Positives ;) 

16/7/17

I am on a good path, with the help of my team. Support which is needed and appreciated. Long term goals with a daily focus is what seems to work for me at the moment. We’ll see what happens, but I’m jazzed about what lies ahead! 

Much love to you all and if you ever need someone on your team, I’m always here. I’ll even bring coffee and donuts ;) 

[2muchfor2long]

Feeling like a vampire, I threw on some shades and on four hours of sleep, I went to retrieve my car at the scene of the crime. I can tell you that tequila and herbal X are not your friends the morning after an epic night of partying. Frankly, I was amazed that my car was still there and it wasn’t jacked up.

Recovery was on my agenda for the weekend. I wanted to make sure I was in fine form for Monday. Plus, I had several things I had to do for various classes so the plan was to hang out at the beach and then work on some scripts.

After a day of playing in the sun and surf, I was ready to go home. The minute I walked in the door though, my roommate Stacey had other ideas. “Hey, remember that real cute guy I met in directing, Adam?” I nodded. “Well, he is throwing a party tonight at his place and he wanted us to come.”

Rolling my eyes, I told her, “Look, I have to do some writing and I have to be sharp for Monday.”

“Well, this is Saturday. You will have a day to recover.”

I realized that resistance was futile and that she would just bug the crap out of me until I relented. “Okay. When is this soiree?”

“10 p.m.”

“At least that gives me a little time to get things done and besides you will need the bathroom for several hours. You know 45 minute lips and stuff.”

Looking rather annoyed, she disappeared. Once again, derailment of my best laid plans. I spent majority of the night punching up scenes for my screenwriting classes.  Stacey was busy doing her primping thing and unfortunately, since I don’t necessarily heed my own advice, a bottle of vodka was calling my name in the fridge.

While I waited for drama queen, I decided to toss back a few Cape Cods. Finally, she emerged from her lair looking like Norma Desmond waiting for her close up. We headed into the night toward Loyola Marymount and whatever potentially bad decisions were awaiting us. 

My lips are drop dead sexy!

Once we got to the neighborhood, parking was a bitch. We ended up having to walk a block. LMU is located in a lovely suburb of Los Angeles called Westminster. At the time I attended the university, the area was rather posh but not like Beverly Hills outrageous. Adam’s parents lived in a really beautiful house which could have been featured on the pages of “Architectural Digest.”

I knew some of the people milling about so as I stopped and chatted with everyone, Stacey was whisked away to hold court somewhere. Lucky for me, I found the bar right away. I figured that sticking with vodka was probably a safe bet.

After several more drinks, I was feeling quite relaxed. Stacey had disappeared and I managed to find some people from my classes and spent majority of my time with them. I had to use the bathroom so after I was pointed in the right direction, I headed off.

The staircase to the upper level was magnificent. By the time, I reached the top, I couldn’t remember if I needed to make a left or right turn. I decided on the left. Wrong call, on my part.

Remember that scene in The Shining where a guy in a costume was in a rather suggestive position? Well, I came flying through the door and stumbled in to the 50 Shades of Grey dimension. For a moment, I had to pause and focus because I wasn’t quite sure what I was seeing. After I figured it out and became monumentally frightened, I hightailed it out of there before something insane went down. 

Care to join us?

Getting my bearings, I decided to try door number 2 which was on the right. Stealing myself before heading in, I turned the handle and walked in to several people focused on cutting lines of coke on the bathroom mirror. They must have been ingenious because somehow, they managed to take the ornate item off of the wall. Not wanting to disturb the potential Scarface scene, I extricated myself rather quickly.

My heart is beating so fast, man!

 Giving up, I decided to leave before this became a police event. By now, it was midnight and the music was thumping pretty loudly. I fought my way through the teeming hordes of sweaty, dancing drunk folk and found Queen Stacey surrounded by her minions poolside.

Several people were already frolicking sans clothing in the pool. After leaving behind the Studio 54 house, I managed to somehow enter a portal into the 60s. Stacey and company were passing around joints and just walking into their circle left me in a “Purple Haze.”

 I told her I was going to motor and I was rather relieved that she and Adam had hit it off so I wouldn’t have to wait around for her. Not one to pass up recreational “activities” I took a couple of hits and left. 

Groovy

Thankfully, the drive home passed without incident. PCH was beautiful and the moon was out. I guess you could say it was the type of thing you picture when you dream of living in LA. The moment I was inside my house, I went into my bedroom and immediately crashed.

Sunday passed without incident and before I knew it, Monday rolled around. I was due to report for duty at 9:30, so that meant getting up at an ungodly hour to get ready. Extremely nervous, but dressed for success, I headed into the early morning full of excitement and butterflies in my stomach.

I arrived on time which was terrific. Making my way inside the building, I stopped at the security desk to pick up my pass. It was official! I now had access to CBS- Television City. I rode the elevator up to the production offices. The closer I got to the door, the more nervous I became. Counting to ten, I walked in to what was going to be a pretty intensive three-month gig.

Everything was pretty quiet. First order of business was to go see Billy in his office. Before I could knock, he opened the door and seemed rather surprised to see me.

“Oh, hey! I see you remembered where we were.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s pretty busy so let me take you around to meet some of the people.”

This was like a whirlwind of information. I met both segment producers, the producers, the research department and then I was ushered in to meet perhaps the scariest person of all, Peter Lassally.  This man was a legend in talk show host production. He was the executive producer of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson for years. He also executive produced Letterman’s show.

Legendary Producer

Normally, I am pretty cool but this was enough to make me want to pass out! As it turns out, he was extremely nice even asking me about what I was doing at LMU.

After narrowly escaping a freak out episode, Billy took me to meet Tom’s assistant, Kelly. Kelly was a nice chap from the UK. He had been with Tom for years. He was in charge of basically running Snyder’s life on the show.

Another interesting bit was actually going to the studio and seeing where the “magic” happened. I really enjoyed this because I was wanting to get experience in television production as well. I was introduced to the “booth” personnel which consisted of the director and his group.

Introductions made, Billy and I walked up to the offices where my day officially began. I did your standard routines like help with administrative functions, mail, and even assisting Kelly with Tom’s fan mail. Then of course, there was picking up lunches and coffee runs.

Since my desk was the very first one in front of the door, I routinely got a glimpse of all incoming traffic. As it just so happens, I was involved with a task from the research department when I got the surprise of my life. I was in the midst of working on sorting the mail when Tom Snyder walked in. 

The late, great, Tom Snyder

This was straight up bananas. I grew up watching the Tomorrow show and now this man was actually standing in front of me. I thought he would ignore me and just carry on but that didn’t happen.

“So, you must be the new intern?”

“Yes.”

“Nice to meet you….”

“My name is Susan.”

“Nice to meet you, Susan.”

“It’s a pleasure, Mr. Snyder.”

“Call me Tom.”

Well, that threw me for a loop. Then he sauntered away to begin his day leaving me to quietly stroke out. Thankfully enough, the rest of the afternoon passed without further incident.

My internship only required me to be there three days out of the week. However, this quickly turned into five days. I was very eager to take advantage of this opportunity and to be honest with you, it was way better getting hands on experience then discussing theories in a classroom.

The show filmed on Friday nights and for the first part of it, I would man the telephones in case we got a call from our other executive producer, Robert “Morty” Morton. For all of you fans of the early Letterman years on NBC and CBS, he was a familiar face and also the executive producer of The Late Show with David Letterman. 

Hi Morty! Welcome to transfer hell.

Of course, the very first night I helmed the phone, around 10:15, it rang.

“Hello. Late Late Show.”

“Hey, hi!”

“Hi?”

“Yeah, this is Morty.”

Okay, at this point, I damned near dropped the phone. Be cool, don’t lose your shit, Susan.

“How are you, Morty?”

“I’m great. Who is this?”

I just looked at the receiver. It sounded like he was in his car or something and this whole conversation was unbelievable.

“I’m Susan.”

“Susan, can I speak with Tammy?”

Tammy happened to be one of the producers.

“Sure. One moment, please.”

Now, this phone was pretty standard and straight forward. The transfer button was not a big mystery. However, suddenly, I felt like NASA needed to talk me through the mechanics of this phone transfer from Mission Control.

After fumbling with several buttons, I managed to find the right combination. I rang Tammy’s office and announced the call.  Of course, when I hit transfer, how was I to know that I was actually going to send our executive producer into oblivion? 

NASA? Can you help me transfer a call from Mission Control?

Smiling and feeling pretty confident, I immediately got a call from Tammy. She was pretty livid. I felt like I was being yelled at by Charlie Brown’s teacher. Fortunately, Morty did call back and this time, he reached his proper destination. Good times.

Weeks went by and every day was a new experience. One morning, I remember walking in to the kitchen area only to be shocked to see the comedian, Steven Wright getting a Coke from the refrigerator. Trying to be nonchalant, I gave him a nod and a “What’s up?” So smooth, I know.

Another fun experience was Friday night cocktails on the set after the show. It was sort of like a wrap party with a full bar. Tom was partial to vodka martinis. He actually made me a drink and we talked about going to Catholic school. Who would’ve thought that one day I would’ve been kicking it, knocking back drinks with a talk show legend? Priceless.

I also got to take a couple of turns in the production booth as well. One of the highlights is they actually let me do the teleprompter! No, I didn’t do anything crazy like Anchorman (F&*# you, San Diego!). The energy of doing a live show was exciting and just being in that atmosphere was better than any college class.

One memorable incident occurred in the elevator. I was bringing something to one of the producers. On the 

way down, someone got on with an entourage. Now, my pleasant ride was jam packed. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed this guy with a smug look on his face almost saying, “Yeah, you know who I am.” Years later, this wonderful individual would be the star of a show, we will call “40 Pebble,” on NBC. What I can tell you is at the time he was wearing these gigantic hideous green glasses. I remember that I wanted to punch that arrogance right off his face.

You know you want me.

My internship was almost finished. However, it was going to go out with a bang. We were all called to a meeting in the conference room by Peter Lassally. David Letterman was coming to our offices to prepare for the Oscars. I could feel my heart skip a couple of beats.

Don't you look at me!

The very next thing I know, me and the other intern, Mike were shuffled into a closed-door meeting with Billy where we were given explicit instructions on how to handle Letterman’s impending visit. 

We could not engage Dave in any way. The kicker was we weren’t allowed to look at him! This news sucked really hard. Here I was getting the chance of a lifetime to be around someone that I had a crush on since I was sixteen and it was just going to be extremely awkward.

Activity was amped up in the office. One of the tasks that we were challenged with was creating a “playbook” for Dave to study of all the Oscar nominees and the films. This sounds easy, but it wasn’t. The research was painstaking and the actual construction was a bitch trying to get the binders together.

I won’t lie, it was also exciting. I spent several nights helping out until 2 a.m. Things were crazy, we were punchy but it was totally worth it. Finally, the books were assembled and waiting for Dave and his writers.

The day after one of the marathon playbook sessions, I entered the office only to be greeted by the exceptionally animated receptionist, Kathy. “Susan, don’t be too excited but Dave is here. So, make sure if you see him, don’t make eye contact and don’t talk to him.”

“Okay, Kathy. Sure.” Inwardly I thought if I accidentally glance at him will I turn into stone? Will I cease to exist? Shrugging it off, I grabbed some coffee and headed into the conference room to begin the task of sorting mail. This was a mind-numbing activity but it would help to take my mind off being nervous.

About half way through the sorting, the door to the conference room opened. I looked up to find myself face to face with David Letterman. Holy crap! Damn it! I just looked at him. We stood there for a moment. Immediately, I averted my eyes and pretended to care about the mail.

He left the room. Breathing a sigh of relief, the door opened up again, Letterman looked at me with this quizzical look on his face. Of course, me being so poised, I stood there with what I am certain was a look of abject terror on my visage. Thankfully, he left the room.

Yep. I am so smooth. 

After the Oscar ceremony, my internship drew to a close. Everyone was so gracious. The entire staff threw me a going away party. Even Tom and Peter Lassally attended and they sang, “Happy Trails.” That was something to see and a great memory that makes me smile to this day. Another parting gift from the crew, they put my name in the credits. I still have that VHS tape. You never know when it might come in handy.

Hey everyone! I was on tv!

My learning experience ended. I didn’t know quite where the road would lead me. Then again, I was certain it would be exciting.

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[silverloke]

#in all seriousness if this collection of scenes were from #idk #like five collective seasons i'd consider that the biggest gift but ONE episode one SINGLE episode!?????

#a level of insanity from which there is thankfully no recovery

#s02e01 you'll forever be the most famous of them all 🙏

Loki S2 Anniversary x Episode 1 - "Ouroboros"