#a irl got a message out of nowhere saying he had an appointment with them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

blurrybethny · 8 years ago

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Diary entry #1

So hi since I don't really have a true best friend irl and I don't wanna bother my internet best friend with the same stuff every time, I thought I'd use my tumblr blog as a diary to let my thoughts out. I hope you don't mind. To make it easier for me to describe situations with people I'm just gonna call them by their first letter of their name. November 2016 I finally started getting closer to my friends. I finally started having fun. I was hanging out a lot with my guy friends. We even had a little road trip and it was honestly so much fun. It was a bit awkward for me because I've been friends with M and S for a longer time now, I've also known F for some time now but we never really talked much. So so I was a driver and when we drove back home we switched passengers and F drove with me this time. Honestly he talked so much about his dreams and his life and his feelings and I enjoyed listening to that a lot actually. He also told me about the tattoo he wanted. He wanted some kind of snake around his arm. So overall I really enjoyed this road trip and I started to like F. After that trip F was messaging me a bit about tattoos because I already have one. And I honestly don't know why but I decided I wanted to try and draw his tattoo so I actually did and it turned out pretty good. And I showed it to him and he liked it as well. December 2016 So F messaged me from time to time. On one weekend the prom for the 10th graders was happening (I'm a senior btw) and my friends wanted to go there but I was not sure if I would go too but F actually messaged me and said that it would be cool if I'd come as well. So I actually did and I was a driver so I drove with three of my guy friends to that prom. Overall we were a bigger group of friends with 3 other girls but they always kept running off and I stayed with the guys which I always do. However, most of them ran off from time to time as well and they always left me and F alone. The funny thing on this evening was though that F literally was by my side all the time, wherever I was going he was there. Whenever I was sitting somewhere he sat next to me, whenever we were standing outside he stood next to me and sometimes came even closer to me. Also btw he looked really good with a tucked in shirt and nice pants. I just thought I'd let you know. So we were about to leave and I had my car parked quite far away so F said to the others that they should join me so I wouldn't have to go alone to the car. After I got home he messaged me asking if I got home safe. So after that he literally messaged me everyday and I started developing a crush on him. However, it was pretty difficult for me to keep up a conversation with him because we barely have anything in common and I never knew what to say to him. So he decided he wanted to get his tattoo in a city an hour away. So he asked me if I wanted to join him when he drives there for the first time to make an appointment and then afterwards we could go to a restaurant or something. But my parents didn't let me. So I stayed home. I still regret it honestly I wish I would have gone anyways. I wanna know what would have happened. A day after I was hanging out with F, S and two other guy friends. F came really close to me like twice. And S said as a joke to him that in that prom this girl wanted to flirt with him because she probably has a crush on him. So what do I hear two days later? He went on a date with her. Like what the hell. He seemed so interested in me and then he goes on a date with that girl? I was so jealous and I thought they wouldn't work out anyways. But they went on another date and S (who is F's best friend btw) kept telling me about all the stuff F and the girl did like they slept together in a bed and massaged each other like wtf. I finally accepted that it was stupid to think that he would like but I still had a little crush on him. So there was this Christmas concert at my school where me and my friends decided to go. F was in a really bad mood the whole evening because the girl he liked didn't talk to him. And because of how stupid he is, the same evening he asked her if she wanted to be his girlfriend like bro. But she said no and apparently F cried about it. I honestly laughed when I heard that. After that he was really crushed but he didn't wanna give up yet. But after like a week he kind of accepted it I guess. So S got a new tv and a big sofa so him F and S and me decided to have a movie marathon the whole night. Me the only girl with 3 their guys. Totally normal I know. So we watched movies all night and F kept falling asleep. But at one point we all started having a pillow fight and literally all of them hit me with the pillows and especially F kept grabbing my legs and arms (oh btw he was shirtless the whole time). By that time I still had a crush on him. Stupid I know. So two days after that another friend celebrated his birthday and New Year's Eve the same evening. I was hoping that it would be fun. Well. F was already getting drunk by like 10pm and honestly I drank quite a lot as well. One cocktail after the other. Then two girl friends on mine told me that S has a crush on me and honestly I kind of knew it but I was hoping that it wasn't true. That ruined my mood so much I swear. So after that one girl told me that F would talk to me about this. So I went outside and we were both already super drunk. So he told me that S has a crush on me and that he feels bad for him because he's his best friend and yea. We went back inside and I honestly kept drinking so much. I had like 4 shots and like 6 cocktails. And F even was like "oh I know why you're doing this" but honestly I didn't even know myself why I was doing this. So I kept getting more drunk and dizzy. Most of my friends already left only one girl and also a lot of classmates were left. So I sat next to guys I usually don't talk to hin school. L was sitting right next to me and his hand was on my thigh basically the whole time and I did not care at all. I even laid my head on his should the whole time. And then I just threw up out of nowhere. I threw up on myself. Isn't that fucking great. I'm still so embarrassed because of this. So K and L walked me outside and held me because I could barely walk on my own anymore. And I kept hugging L and K and then my dad finally picked me up and so that night ended at like 5am with me and my vomit all over my clothes and my dad laughing at me. I couldn't sleep all night because I felt so sick. January 2017 The next day I was still kinda sick. F messaged me again. We talked a bit and then in the evening he called me but I'm so awkward so I didn't pick up. Literally 2 minutes later the fucking door rings. I'm like "no way that's him". So I hear my dad opening the door and I hear Fs voice. I was so shocked I swear. So I ran downstairs to let him in and we went to my room. Like why did he do this. Why did he drive all this way to my house. Honestly I thought about this a few times. Like him in my room but not because of the reason he was actually there. So he asked me how I was feeling and he wanted to talk with me about S and yea. Then he left again. I think he wanted to hug me but I didn't get it so we didn't hug. So S didnt know that F and this other girl told me that he has a crush on me before. But then he did and he was so pissed at F and the girl that he wanted to cancel our trip to Croatia (which I fought so fucking hard for but that's another story). And I was pissed that he was being such a bitch about this. Then a few days later he calmed down again and they were friends again but then the girls was being a bitch. And our vacation was on the line. And she kept being stupid and giving stupid reasons about why she wouldn't be able to join us on the trip to Croatia. So finally we're only 5 people driving to Croatia however I'm the only girl with 4 guys. And I had a crush on one of the guys and the guys best friend has a crush on me so that's fun. Also me and S talked about the situation between us and he said that he still wants to be friends with me and I also wanted that. However he asked me why i would not give him a chance, if I liked somebody else, if I liked F. And I just had to deny it. If I said I liked F the real drama would have started. And I knew spending between me and F would never work out anyway so I just want to get over it. So since the drama from New Year's Eve I've actually been messaging with L (the thigh guy) and I started to like him a lot because he has really good music taste, doesn't look too bad, is interesting and talkative and just fun. Then like from one day to the other we've messaged literally all day and he even started talking to me in school in like every break. It was kind of awkward because I always sit with my friends in my breaks and S (the guy that has a crush on me) is there as well. So whenever L came up to me to talk to me I could literally feel his looks. So on Thursday F actually fucking messaged me asking what's going on between me and L. He even was like "does it not bother you that he flirts with other girls?" Like honestly what the hell. They act like I am not allowed to talk to anybody else. Like that's so unfair. February 2017 So on Friday I actually went out with L and went to the cinema. At the afternoon S asked me if i would drive to one of our friends to like hang out and i said that she didn't invite me and i didn't know about this (which is true). Then when I parked at the cinema I fucking saw S's car and B said hey to me. Like wow what kind of bad timing is that. So i said hi to L and we went into the cinema. And who the fuck do i see coming in? B went in saw me with L and went out. Like what the actual fuck. They stalked me. They have no fucking right to do that. I have the right to hang out with everybody anywhere and anytime I want. And then F even had the fucking nerve to ask me "what I'm doing tonight" I was just like "I'm pretty sure you already know". So me and L watched the movie. I was supposed to drive him home that night so we walked to my car. And he actually tried to kiss me (short backstory: I've never kissed anyone). But I rejected him and hugged him instead then he tried again and I just turned away and was like "it's okey". I was so anxious and uncomfortable and just confused. I didn't want that. Honestly I imagined it with him actually because I started to like him but at that moment I did not want that at all. So we sat in my car and I just wanted to get him out as fast as possible. And it was just awkward we barely said anything. Then I finally dropped him off at his house and I swear I'm so lucky that I did not crash because I was so emotionally unstable and it was raining so hard and yea. So I finally got home and L even messaged me again but I just went to sleep. The next day I just ignored him. Then in the evening I said I was sorry but it's not the right time. And since then we barely talked. Today in school I've been avoiding my "friends" because what they did on Friday was so fucking unfair. And I also avoided L. But he still messaged me everyday and said that he wants to be friends with me but it's difficult because apparently he kind of has feelings for me and that he'll just wait for them to go away. So that's the current situation right now. I'll give an update again soon xoxo

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