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kitanoko · 7 years ago

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Todomomo Fairy AU Part 3 ~

READ PART 1 HERE

READ PART 2 HERE

just to clarify, in this AU, people know that fairies exist and so do witches, warlocks and what have you. It’s just extremely rare to meet a fairy and their realms don’t intertwine in any way (or more like the fairies and the humans don’t want trouble so they try to stay away from each other as much as possible; however, there are curious ones who want to know more about each other’s lives). I also mentioned fuyumi and tensei which is from blamedorange, and thanks to gingersducksandbubbles for the horse names HAHA

warning: its another longgggg one! Again, this is somewhat between a fanfic and a hc. This one is more lighthearted…..I think?

-on the way back to the castle, Todo’s allies had already secured the main fronts of the battle. Endeavor’s strongest fighters were defeated by Mido and Iida (those two also followed Todo’s orders and restraint Endeavor in his weak state), though Kaminari was the real MVP, clearing off most of the area on his own with his electricity magic (Kaminari was a noble from the royal branch family of the Kingdom of Clouds, and he himself brought in his best strategist and right hand, Jirou Kyouka, amongst his most reliable warriors).

-Todo enters the dungeons as fast as he could and notices that the guards had fled; when Todo’s mother, Miyuki (her name means beautiful snow), sees him, her eyes opened wide , then immediately crinkle as she gives him a soft smile. Todo sees her mother curling at the far corner of the prison, like a lost animal too afraid to show themselves, and for the thousandth time, he wonders if he will ever know exactly how much pain his mother had to go through because of his father. “When I heard the guards talking….I knew it was your doing, Shouto” she says, with a hand to her heart. She knew since long ago that her son would grow up to be a brave, noble young man and she wasn’t wrong. Todoroki takes a deep breath, the sunlight through the tiny slit on the moss-covered bricks reflect on his cyan eye and he quickly slashes the chain-and-lock with his sword.

-”How about Fuyumi? Where is she?” his mother asks urgently when he guides her out and Todo tells her that he had sent his sister to the Cloud Kingdom to take refuge a day ago before the coup had set. His father did not suspect a thing as Fuyumi would occasionally do charity work or volunteer in other parts of the world as a representative of their Kingdom (Fuyumi actually helped the reputation of the Kingdom of Fire by doing so and so Endeavor encouraged it). His mother is relieved but the tug on her dry, chalky lips and rickety gait shows Todoroki just how feeble she is. She looks malnourished and if there is one thing he must do, it is to lead his mother back to the castle and give her the care that his father owes her.

-Days passed. Todo’s friends went back to their respective Kingdom and those who were from the same Kingdom was ready to serve Todo as the new King. In reality, Todo isn’t ready to be King and his mother had to step down as Queen because of her health (the citizens had honestly only seen her twice anyway so she isn’t prepared to be the face of the Kingdom). Todo had always believed that the heir to the throne should be Fuyumi so after consulting his mother, he confronts his sister.

-”But father had always wanted you to –” “Sis, this is what both mom and I want. And our father is a prisoner now, I could care less about what he thinks. You will be the best ruler the Kingdom has ever had and you’ll have mom and I with you every step of the way.” Fuyumi accepts it with teary eyes and open arms in the end.

-Endeavor is locked up far away from the Kingdom in an old abandoned tower and Todoroki begrudgingly accompanies his mother to see him the day before Fuyumi’s coronation. His mother wanted a private talk with Endeavor and so Todoroki waits outside. Right before he steps out though, Todo makes sure to spit out a warning, “If you dare lay a finger on my mother, I’d –” “That’s enough Shouto,” his mother looks at him pointedly, “don’t worry, I’m going to be fine.”

-Todo stands by his sister’s side the day of her coronation. There are those who protest having a woman as the sole ruler of the Kingdom of Fire (Fuyumi’s the first female head of the Kingdom), but overall everything is under control by the knights and the guards. His mother is the happiest of all but she can tell that something’s on Todoroki’s mind.

-The after-party is a blur; he makes small talk with friends and thanks them yet again for their services. Todo also dances with a few noblewoman and ladies-in-waiting as per his mother’s request but hesitantly so. Fuyumi is teased by their mother on the issue of ‘finding a lifelong partner’ and blushes when Iida’s brother, Tensei, stands guard at the side of the ballroom, exchanging glimpses of each other as if no one knew their secret.

-The party ends at midnight. People’s chitchat dwindles away like the aroma of the pine-scented incense in the middle of the room. Todo’s mother finally asks him what’s wrong and that’s when he tells her he knew about how she isn’t human but a fairy, related to the Fairy Queen nonetheless. His mother sighs, knew that this day would come, and recalls the time when she had to hide her wings and identity when Endeavor first held power. She tells Todo how she had only shown her face in public twice, three times including tonight, and even though their marriage was perfectly schemed so that the truth would be concealed, still some knew her secret. Her wings slowly disappeared as she no longer possessed the same amount of fairy magic from living in the human world for decades. Endeavor had sent those who knew her secret to their deaths through immediate execution. He knew that the citizens would go crazy if they found out that the Queen wasn’t human. Endeavor had given excuses that Todo’s mother had a persistent illness, almost as if she was terminally ill, to fend off those who meddle too much into political affairs.

-”when did my son become so interested in fairies?” “the truth is…I befriended one and she helped me a lot with the battle against father, she believed I could do it and I did. I really wouldn’t have been able to do it without her.” “And where is she, Shouto? I’d like to meet her myself.”

-Todo doesn’t answer, eyes distant as if searching for an answer among the stars. The way he stayed silent made his mother queasy.

-By now its been months. Momo’s sitting at her favourite spot in the fairy gardens wondering why he still hasn’t come. She visits the palace to see the Queen and asks if she should open the portal for her to enter the human world since she hasn’t fully recovered yet and thus has limited power to open the gates herself. The Queen orders her to stay and recover first and Momo obeys, frowning.

- With the string of events, one after the other, things had gotten so hectic for Todoroki that he found no time to get back to the fairy realm. He feels a little apprehensive; what if Yaoyorozu still hasn’t recovered? Guilt eats him from the inside but his mom tells him to do what he must and everything will be fine.

-Todo’s mom figures that there should be enough fairy magic left in him to open the portal one more time and so after Fuyumi had finally settled in her throne and was used to her duties, Todo decides that the chance to see Momo again is now. Todo suggests to bring his mother to the fairy world but she refuses incessantly, claiming that she had no right to enter anymore. Todo attempts to convince his mother, telling her that her sister, the Fairy Queen, misses her more than anything but to no avail.

-Todo wanted to open the portal in his own room before his mother chuckled lightedheartedly at the idea. “The gates to the fairy realm isn’t like a door. Your room will look like a hurricane had hit it if you really opened it there.” Todo thinks; his mother’s right, the portal is like a void, sucking in gusts of air whenever it shows itself. He promptly changes his mind.

-Todo takes off on his onyx horse, Frostbite, and stops at the once-flourishing field where they used to take afternoon naps and chants the magic words that he couldn’t seem to forget. In the back of his mind, he thinks of Momo’s beaming expression and her voice which still jolts him. His scar ignites again. The portal appears like ripples on an autumn lake, opens, and he advances, consumed by the light on the other side with his royal blue robe thrashing on his back and heart thumping hard against his rib cage.

-The circumstances from last time masked the true beauty of the fairy realm and as if it was his first time, Todo runs a finger softly along the sides of a well covered in wispy vines of a morning glory and eyes the nature before him. Everything was pristine. Plants were ubiquitously sprouting, and he strides further. Todoroki is definitely not at the palace like before; he isn’t sure where he really is. He feels the waxy peach-coloured petals of a hydrangea plant and flinches. “Who’s there?” an urgent voice calls somewhere from his right and Todoroki swallows.

-With a dainty hand, Momo holds the hem of her aquamarine dress and with the other, she drags the stiff branches away from a hedge, and steps out.

-They meet, gazes situated on each other as if they were admiring a statue from the ancient times.

-Her jaws slack slightly , the shadows cast on her face hides her expression and Todoroki extends a hand towards her, upturned, as if to ask her to hold onto him.

-Momo flies over, lips quivering but doesn’t close the distance; she stops a feet away from him and reaches for his hand and pauses right before her fingertips touched his. It may be the time that had settled between us, she questions herself and drops her arm. With inquisitive eyes, she studies him once more and Todoroki purses his lips, glad that she hasn’t changed one bit; her bold, ebony hair flying over her graceful wings, a familiar blithe emanating around her.

-But it bothers him that she won’t hold his hand.

-”Are you mad at me, Yaoyorozu?” He asks and her nose tinge slightly red and her cheeks colour a bit as well. “No, of course not-”

-He moves closer, too intimately in her opinion, and clutches her hand that was clenching tight onto the shimmering chiffon skirt of the dress, stopping her short of her sentence. The fabric spills down when she was forced to let go, and her emotions falls with it, like tearing apart the invisible cage that prisoned her heart. Without a moment’s hesitation, she buries herself onto the nape of his neck, tightening her fingers on his shoulders.

-”Sorry for the wait,” he says and puts a hand on her back to ease her hiccups, feeling her tears damp on his neck. She shakes her head and the pleasant lavender-like scent of her hair disperse and covers his senses.

- Still mind-boggled with his sudden arrival, Momo picks up his hand and leads him deeper through the thicket under the glimmer of the sun. They arrive at a secluded lake covered by whispering willow trees. Momo tells him that a human must not be found here by the other fairies except for her friends and so they must only stay within the forest which apparently, Todoroki finds out, was also one of the lands owned by her clan. They sit down and he marvels at the scenery; the water is greenish blue and he can see the bottom of the lake so clearly it was as though a piece of glass had laid on top of the rocks and sand.

- Momo plays with her fingers a little and gestures for Todoroki to sit beside her. Todoroki watches as she pulls up her dress a little to keep it out of the water’s reach and he leans his back to the tree trunk behind him, and rolls the hem of his pants and pulls off his boots.The water feels cold, but not freezing.

-”Yaoyorozu-” “Call me Momo, its how they call me here.”��“Well then…Momo,” he focuses on the twinkle in her eyes as he calls her given name, “promise me you’ll never take a hit for me again.” “And you promise me to never sacrifice your life for me, ever.” She retorts. “I can’t promise you that Momo.” “If you had died, then who would save your mother?” Momo asks, swinging her legs in the water, and her question hits a nerve. Todoroki doesn’t say anything until the girl beside him lets out a cheerful whimper.

-“I forgot to say congratulations, Prince….or shall I say King?” “My sister is going to be the ruler, as per both my mother and my wish, so I’m still just a Prince” “But there may be a day when you need to prop yourself onto the throne” “Maybe.”

-Momo enjoys the silence after and she sees Todoroki dripping his arm into the water to play with the fish. A frog swims over. It looks awfully big and is uncharacteristically neon. It croaks and hops onto a rock beside Momo and suddenly begins talking. Todo jumps a little at the talking animal and Momo almost flips over from laughter. “This is Tsuyu-chan, don’t worry, she’s a close friend of mine, she won’t tell anyone that you’re here.” The frog croaks again and miraculously, sparkles scatter out of thin air, surrounding it. In a split second, the amphibian turns into a girl with giant oval eyes, wearing a white pokka-dotted sundress and sleek hair tied into a bow, sitting prettily on the back of her head.

-Tsuyu asks, jabbing a thin webbed finger at Todoroki, whether he’s the one Momo keeps talking to her about and Momo immediately jumps to cover her mouth. “Tsuyu-chan!! Gees!!”

-Todoroki seems indifferent at Momo’s flustered state and simply says “that’s ok, I talk about you a lot to my mom too.”

-Momo dies a little inside hearing that but tries so hard to keep her cool. Todoroki thinks it’s adorable.

-Next thing he knew, Momo pulls him up (not entirely, it really was more like Momo desperately yanking him with one arm). She waves bye to Tsuyu (him scrambling to place his feet back into his boots and since Momo is bare feet all the time so she doesn’t care) and mutters something about ‘Frostbite’ but Todoroki doesn’t quite catch it. She’s in front of him, dragging him along, and halts.

- Before them stood a pure white pegasus.

-”Shhh….” Momo puts a finger pressed against her lips as if one false move would scare the creature away. Todoroki’s amused. “What a beautiful winged creature,” Momo starts, “It just appeared one day last week and it seems to enjoy it here. Doesn’t it look just like Frostbite?” Todoroki crosses his arms, “And to think, you were scared of my horse, now you want one for yourself?” Momo looks sheepishly to the side, “No! To be exact, I’m not scared of befriending them, I was just scared of riding Frostbite….your horse seems…extremely energetic.”

-Momo takes a careful step forward and the pegasus swivels his neck to face her. She relaxes and the elegant creature treads over to sniff her fingers which she happily offered. The pegasus neighs once, and then twice, and slumps down its wings.

-”I think it likes you, Momo.” Todoroki says with a crooked smile, and the girl begins to comb and ruffle the pegasus’ immaculate snowy mane with one hand while patting his nose with another.

-”What are you going to name it?” Todoroki asks, fixing a loose collar. He spews out a few names out of the blue and Momo chuckles with a glint in her eyes. “I think maybe something that could rival Frostbite. Perhaps Abyss? No…NO ACTUALLY, IT’S GOING TO BE CLIPCLOP.”

-Todoroki doesn’t know whether to nod in approval or tilt his head in question. The girl literally went from ‘Abyss’ to ‘Clipclop’ within a split second. “Uh…sounds good?” He ends up saying and she’s so delighted that all she could do was hug Clipclop in front of her.

-The sun sets in what feels like minutes after, and Momo proposes for Todoroki to stay at her house for the next few nights. She guides him to the trail they had just taken after waving goodbye to Clipclop who flies away with strong beats of his wings. Momo urges Todoroki to start running as she levitates when the horizon begins to change colour. The sky goes from blood red to a violet purple and he ponders how nice it’d be if he could physically capture the moment before him, totally oblivious to Momo’s nervous panting. His thoughts are severed when he feels a tickle on his calves and when he shifts his gaze downwards, he sees moving branches.

-”I shouldn’t have lead you in so far off within this forest,” Momo grunts, regret written all over her face, “Its not safe, even for someone who has dealt with this countless times. When the sun sets, the plants begin to have a life of its own, and sometimes lose control. I should’ve…not been so distracted by Clipclop.”

-Todoroki gulps as they advance, his feet trips on a tight and unrelenting vine and it crawls up his leg. With a cry of frustration, Todoroki releases his dagger from the inside of his robe and swings at it, chopping it in half by the second attempt. Momo analyzes the situation in a heartbeat and decides that the best way for them to both make it out was for her to take flight while having him hold onto her. The boy is reluctant but wraps his arm around her neck and she grabs tight under his arms. Her wings flutter rapidly but they couldn’t even get an inch off the ground. Todoroki releases his grip.

-”You may be too heavy.” Momo scrunches her brows. “this isn’t going to work. We should–”

-An unsuspecting vine heads straight for Momo’s arm and she pushes herself higher into the air to dodge but the vine extends even faster. What they didn’t foresee, however, was Momo’s good friend to jump into the fray.

-”Momo, are you alright?” Tokoyami seeth, donning a black cape that could easily mask him into the shadows. He is t,currently the guardian of the night. He whips his bird-esque shadow at the moving vines, bisecting them with ease. He doesn’t seem to care for Todoroki but gives him a polite nod anyway.

-Tokoyami helps lead them out and when Momo sees the outskirts of the forest again, she thanks him profusely. Todoroki gives the guardian of the night a firm handshake and introduces himself.

-”I already know who you are.” Tokoyami closes his eyes and rubs his beak gently. “Momo talks about you a lot.”

-The girl is for once grateful for the darkness that is hiding her embarrassed, nervous grin. 0-2 for Momo. She sighs.

-Right before Tokoyami leaves, he turns to offer the girl a face of concern. “Momo, about–” The girl doesn’t let him finish. “Tokoyami, I know that having a human here is strictly outlawed, just–” The bird-man shakes his feathery head, and Todoroki catches a glimpse of Tokoyami’s obvious look of disapproval. “Tsuyu told me that you headed over to find the pegasus earlier. You know how the rule is.” Todoroki has never seen Momo so uncomfortable until now; she pivoted her heels a few times playfully and interlocks her hands behind her as if she had something to hide.

-”I know, I have to ask Bakugou first before I make friends with Clipclop.” Momo says. Tokoyami seems like he just cocked an eyebrow, but Todoroki wasn’t sure. “Clipclop?” The bird-man asks but quickly decides to change his mind about it. “You’ve already named it I see. Well, you know Bakugou is the paladin of the beasts for a reason.” Momo does a disheartened sigh and watches Tokoyami leave, arms still clasped behind her.

-”Momo, shall we find this…this Bakugou then?” Todoroki asks, sensing the mood drop as Momo swivels around. He knows how much Momo loves that pegasus. The girl groans. “No, its fine. I’ll…find him tomorrow.”

-Todoroki strides beside her floating form and could practically see her thoughts whirling in her head. “Do you not like this paladin?” He asks out of curiosity and she shakes her head. “How is he like? Does he have a head like an animal, like Tokoyami? I assume so since he’s the ‘paladin of the beasts’” Todoroki emphasizes his last words, “Does this Bakugou person have a head like a lion? Maybe?”

-Momo scoffs in laughter and grins ear-to-ear, “For a prince, you’re quite silly!” Todoroki’s just happy that she finds his joke so amusing, but muses at the possibility of it coming true. Momo continues, “Tomorrow, you’ll meet him. And you might just not like him.”

#todomomo #todoroki x yaoyorozu #bnha #my headcanons #my fanfic #fairy au #todoroki shouto #yaoyorozu momo #asui tsuyu #tokoyami fumikage #do u guys see the little vol//tron reference #mmmm i guess there will be a part 4 since this got so long haha

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medievalsamurai-blog · 8 years ago

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Chapter 1 Grabbing Your Attention Written By: Aki Hosoda

Prologue:

Our beautiful land was full of light. Our land is full of different kingdoms and creatures just like our world today. There are also heroes that bring more goodness in our world. Ranging from knights, wizards, rogues and many more. Things were pleasant in our beautiful land. But it was not until the darkness arrived. The darkness surrounds, brought something that should not be said in public. The darkness strips away layers upon layers until there was nothing left. The darkness whispered closely and after hearing the voice of darkness, darkness was in control. All was doom… at first. But it began enjoyment. Darkness puts its hands on two large hills then all the way down to a small moist cave. Then grabbing by the neck of the dragon, pulled, pulled, and pulled until flames rained all over the large hills. The darkness enjoyed it very much. Then the darkness proceeds to have the dragon enters a small rabbit hole located below the moist cave. There was pain at first then it became pleasure. Screams, so loud that it can be heard throughout the land. Ah! Ah! Ah! …

“… What the hell is this!?” exclaimed the armored man holding a book. “That is an erotica I’ve been working on,” said a short middle aged man in peasant clothing, “My wife told me my writing should be less explicit.”

“Yeah, well you’re better off as a gardener.” As the armored man tosses the book behind him and a disappointed peasant man catching the book; they are walking along the path in the woods being on their way to the peasant’s village. Suddenly the peasant man noticed a creature up ahead blocking the path and shrieks, “Look out! It’s a monster! It’s a Peach Frog!” The large creature has a body of a pink peach with arms, legs and a head of an average frog. It’s one of many different types of Fruit Frogs and there are others, such as Apple Frogs, Orange Frogs, Grape Frogs and so on. But Grape Frogs are just large normal looking frogs with purple skin that shit out grapes, puke out jelly and piss out wine; wine is very expensive in this world. The armored man gallantly steps forward and says, “Don’t worry, I’ll take this creature! After all, I’m from the Knighthood League! If my name isn’t- *splat*

The armored man was abruptly killed when a Peach Frog jumped on top of him. “Oh, shit! Oh, shit!” panicked the peasant man as he was trying to run away. The Peach Frog hops towards the peasant man, ready to eat him, suddenly the frog shrieked in pain. A thin blade popped out from inside the Peach Frog with a bright blue light emanating from the same stab hole. Then the sword rapidly swings in multiple direction, that could almost be seen in a naked eye, and the sword quickly went back inside the frog; yet the frog is still intact but motionless. A second later the frog exploded. As the peasant man is on his ass to the ground being shocked to what he just witnessed while the remains of the Peach Frog is raining down, he sees two figures that were inside the frog. One of them is a 5.3 feet tall male samurai with medium length coarse black hair and dark brown eyes wearing a black kimono robe with a white sash around his waist as a belt, white pants, a blue scabbard on his left side, pair of black shoes and a large brown drawstring bag strapped over his left shoulder; while holding a katana sword on his right hand while resting the blade on his right shoulder with his left hand is emitting blue flames. Another is a glowing blue fairy with round spherical body with two sets of insect-like wings and a pair of yellow eyes. These two are the main protagonists of this story. “Wow, way to make an entrance on a first chapter.” said the fairy, “This is why we should’ve stayed at an inn or pitched a tent!” “Well look on the bright-side,” said the samurai enthusiastically as he sheathed his sword, “we’re alive! Plus, we got food!” As the samurai picks up one of the remains of the Peach Frog, eats it and with his mouth full he says, “Holy shit! This is delicious!”

***

Hi, I’m the narrator. Some of you might be confused because a samurai popped out of nowhere. Some of you might be pissed because this is not a traditional medieval fantasy story with eloquent vocabularies, overly descriptive details and bunch of other shit. Well, here I say artistically speaking, traditions aren’t necessary and keep an open mind. Just look on the bright side, at least this story is not overly descriptive with a slow-paced narration of a constipated turtle like the book, The Great Gatsby, or else the prologue would’ve been longer than three pages if I described every little detail to the point of using the reader’s imagination would’ve been unnecessary; making this whole reading experience boring and painful as shit. And if any of you all are pissed by my statement, my only excuse is that this story is very comedic.

Anyway, this story sets in the land of Euros, which is no different than looking at the map of modern day Europe. Any countries in Europe that has euros for currency are regions in this story such as the French Region, the German Region, the Spaniard Region and so on. The currency consists of golden coins called Europes and silvers coins are called differently depending on the region such as in the French Region they would be called France, in the German Region they would be called Germany and so on. The currency in Euros works very similar to an American currency system, such as one Europe would equal 100 silver coins. And just like America’s currency with quarters, dimes and nickels, Euros also have that, but they are called Q’s, D’s and N’s. But the only difference is that Euros do not have pennies. Because pennies are useless. The setting of this world juxtaposes medieval Europe with post-modern American society, like The Flintstones, Dave the Barbarian or The Roman Holidays. This world, like any other world, is not perfect. Monsters are popping out of the woodwork, there are corrupt greedy kings, difference race of beings coexisting such as humans with different skin tones, elves, anthropomorphics (which are humanoid animals like some of the characters from Bojack Horseman) and so on; yet discrimination still exist and whole bunch of other shit. With all the chaos happening in the land of Euros, a long time ago the capital king created the Knighthood League to protect innocent citizens from danger, minimize illegal activities and provide service and needs at a certain price. It’s like a combination of police force and craigslist. The Knighthood League not only consists of knights, but it also includes various types of people with special skills and magical abilities; and a samurai is one of those people.

Speaking of a samurai, the samurai’s name is Akira Hikari (for those who are having a hard time pronouncing his name it’s Aw-Key-Rah He-Kah-Ree. You’re welcome). Akira is a 20-year-old man of the Yen descent. He has no memories of his native land yet he was told the Land of Yen was destroyed in the huge catastrophic war. He was abandoned and found on a fruit cart in Euro as so he claims. Energetic, good-hearted, naïve and he’s always up for an adventure. The fairy’s name is Ulric. He recently met Akira and through some circumstances he decided to stick around. He claims to be the smartest creature on earth. It’s worth noting that having an aide fairy is very outdated in this world. Reasons being is that people have access to helpful tips and guides in books and articles from the group of geniuses called The Scholar Society and aide fairies are known to be useless and very annoying. Yet Ulric stated, “those guys are fucking idiots. Anyone who relies on The SS might as well rely on horoscopes.” Nihilistic, jaded, sarcastic, intelligent and drunk half of time, yet, keep in mind, he is not completely heartless.

“Man, I can’t believe I finished this book after that long-ass exposition,” said Ulric as he’s holding the peasant man’s erotica with his top two wings while keeping himself flying with his bottom two wings, “but, yeah, you gotta be explicit or else people will read this entire thing with a soft dick. But I would quit while you’re ahead. Since many people have access to porn with their mirrors to jerk off to.” “Uh, thanks,” said the peasant man as he was given his book back, “I’ll keep that in mind.” The functions of mirrors in this world, besides pleasing narcissists, are used as cellphones, televisions, and computers. Pocket-sized mirrors, as cellphones, are called pocket-screens. Mirrors that are usually around 12”X16”, as computers, are called com-screens. And large wide mirrors ranging 16”X20” or larger, are called tele-screens. Many of you all would think if Akira had a pocket-screen and have access to guides and tips from the Scholar Society, he wouldn’t need Ulric. However, Akira’s pocket-screen’s only functions within certain limits are to call, text, record voices, take photos and get alerts from the Knighthood League. So essentially Akira has a go-screen. And Akira is in a huge debt of 19,800 Europes. Akira lives in an apartment complex called Creature Junction that is located within the capital kingdom of Euro, Paris. The kingdom is large as Paris in reality and it is surrounded by huge walls for protection. How his debt came to be was that on the day he bought his apartment he was given two payment options from his land lord. Either pay a monthly rent of 360 Europes or pay 19,800 Europes in three months and afterwards he’ll have a rent-free apartment. He chose the second option believing he could easily achieve that in three months. So, as of now, Akira cannot buy anything. And so far, Akira has 17,200 Europes left. Plus, Akira has poor direction skills outside of Paris. Anyway, the two heroes are on their way to the peasant man’s village to take over the request originally assigned to the dead armored man. “By the way,” said the peasant man, “thank you so much young… lady I-

“Actually I’m a man,” as Akira corrected him.

“Oh, sorry. You’re wearing a dress so I assumed you’re a woman. Unless if you’re a crossdresser-which I’m not judging or anything-

“This isn’t a dress. This is a kimono. Many people in the Land of Yen wore something like this.”

“… So, are all the men crossdressers in that land?”

“… No-or at least that’s what I think- anyway, this is just something that I like to wear.”

The peasant man shrugs and says, “Well if you say so.”

It’s worth noting that many people in Euros are not exposed nor familiar with the cultures from the eastern lands. That is why many people think Akira is a crossdresser. Akira is use to it, yet gets slightly irritated and often corrects people many times. “But again,” said the peasant man, “thank you so much for taking this request on such short notice!” “Yeah, you should be more than grateful,” said Ulric, “cause that one guy you’ve originally hired was one weak pussy ass bitch.” “Ulric!” exclaimed Akira.

“What? I’m just saying. Anyone who gets killed by a weak common creature, like a Peach Frog, says a lot.”

“Yeah, but he was still a human being! Don’t you think we should’ve given him a proper burial, said some words and contact his family instead of just burying his body in the middle of the path?”

“Akira, in a given circumstances, what we knew about that guy is that he had a face, he wore an armor and he was killed by a Peach Frog. So, I don’t it matters to literally anyone at this point.”

“Well it matters to me! That’s why I’m gonna go to his folks to tell them the news after this quest! Thankfully his address is within Paris.”

“Okay, we’re here,” said the peasant man.

Like most to all low economic villages, they have stone houses with roofs made of hay, a stone well full of drinkable water and various small fields of crops for food and manufacture; that is how most villages stay financially stable. Except in this village some of houses are falling apart and there’s a very large field with only three people tending the crops. Akira went up to the field to take a look at what they’re growing and exclaims, “Damn! These bean pods are huge! They’re bigger than regular beans!” “Wow, you’re easily impressed,” said Ulric sarcastically, “yeah those are called heart beans, beans that are the size of a healthy human heart. Haven’t you a seen one of these at a marketplace? It’s not like they’re rare.”

“I don’t go to marketplace that much; I usually hunt for my own food. I mean, what’s the point of buying food when there are shit ton of food you can find in nature.”

“Do you always know what you’re eating when you’re out there?”

“Rarely.”

“… I am surprised you’re not dead yet.”

Then Akira sees three people in a far distance tending the crops, he yells, “Hey! How’s it going over there?” The three people did not respond. “Okay, I could see you guys are busy!” as Akira kept yelling, “Keep at it!” As Akira walked back over to the peasant man, he asks, “So what’s the situation here?” “Well, it’s our local king,” as the peasant man began explaining, “we’ve been doing very well producing heart beans yet our king has been giving us less money than what we were supposed to earn. Some of the people from our village have tried talking to him, but they ended up getting yelled at and told us to produce more beans.” “Sounds like this guy’s a real asshole,” said Ulric, “who is this king?” “His name is Alexander Johnson,” continued the peasant man, “he is notorious for being aggressive and unreasonable. He was recently made king of this village after our previous king died. And just last week, one of our villager’s friend came to visit, who was an anthropomorphic frog, then our king came to visit with his two guards. When our king saw the frog guy, he immediately went up to him and asked him if he was gay. When the frog guy said yes, he was taken away up to his castle without saying anything! Do you understand the situation we’re in? Our village is terribly poor right now and at this rate this village will crumble to nothing!” “Hmm...,” said Akira, “unfair treatment towards the citizen and an undocumented arrest, yup, sounds like a real corrupt king. What do you think, Ulric?” “Oh I already knew the king is a real piece of shit the second we got into this village,” said Ulric, “any village with a depressing atmosphere is an obvious sign for a corrupt king.” “So,” said the peasant man, “does that mean you’ll help us?” As Akira looks at the peasant man with a gallant look and says, “Isn’t it obvious? Of course, I’ll help! I’m a hero after all!” Then the peasant man got on his knees and exclaims, “Oh thank you, kind sir! Here! Take these heart beans with you as our appreciation! But don’t eat more than five of these, or else you’ll damage your digestive system.” After the peasant man gave Akira an abundant amount of heart beans, he showed the path to King Johnson’s castle, which is on the top of the hill through the woods. The two heroes start their journey to the top of the hill. “Alright Ulric,” said Akira excitedly, “let’s do this shit!”

“‘I’m a hero after all’? Really!? Could you be anymore cliché than that horseshit line?” said Ulric.

“Well what else could I have said?”

“Anything! You could’ve said ‘will do!’ or ‘sure thing!’ or you could’ve walked off without saying anything for at least two second and say ‘let’s go fuck shit up!’”

“Ooh, I like the last one! I’ll be sure to remember that one for our next adventure!”

***

The two heroes showed up in front of King Alexander Johnson’s castle, which is a small two story enceinte castle that is made entirely out of gold with few windows and huge double doors. “Man, looks like this king likes to live luxuriously,” said Akira. “More like stupidly extravagant,” said Ulric as he is holding a tiny bottle of alcohol, “I’m surprised that this guy isn’t arrested yet. It’s pretty obvious what he’s been doing with those people’s money. Eh, whatever. Let’s go deal with this thing.” As Ulric chugged the entire bottle and tosses it behind him, the two heroes went up to the huge golden doors and Akira gave three knocks on the door. As one the doors opens, King Johnson showed up. He is a large thick man with balding hair wearing a gold tunic, pair of gold pants, a pair of gold shoes and a gold robe. “Who are you?” asked the hostile king, “This better be important, because I was in the middle creating an… info about the… the… uh… wars-yeah-wars.” “Sir, I’m from the Knighthood League,” said Akira, “and I was wondering if I could ask you some questions and search the whole perimeter of your castle.”

“… Do you have a search warrant?”

“Uh… no.”

“THEN GO AWAY!”

As the king slams the door, he goes back to sit on his golden throne, with his two golden armored guards, one of each standing next to him, and returns to his actual business: painting his penis gold. “You might be small, little guy,” said the king talking to his unfortunate penis, “but no ladies will deny sucking you off pretty soon.” Just like the exterior of the castle, everything inside is made out of gold as well. Stairs, floor, a very large chandelier and even his long carpet that leads to his throne to the double doors is made of gold. Just as Ulric said: stupidly extravagant.

“He’s definitely guilty,” said Ulric to Akira, “I mean, the castle is one thing, but asking for a search warrant is really obvious.” “How is that the case?” asked Akira.

“If anybody ask for a search warrant before any of the authorities come in, it’s clear that they are hiding shit.”

“Well you got a good point there. So far I took a photo of his castle, but we need more evidence to arrest this guy and we don’t have a search warrant.”

“In a situation like this, we don’t need a search warrant. Do you still have that lightning orb you found earlier?”

“Yeah, hold on a sec… found it!”

Akira pulled out a small yellow orb out of his bag and it is covered in blood from the raw Peach Frog meat. “Good,” said Ulric, “now throw it at that castle wall.” “What? No,” as Akira refused, “this is my only lightning orb and I don’t know how to cast spells. Plus, why do you want me to throw it at a castle?”

“Akira, trust me, I am smart enough to know many, many things. And besides it’s not like those spell orbs are rare, you could find more of them in our next quest and plus when the hell have you ever relied on those things? As far as I’m concerned, you’ve been doing just fine without them, so throw the damn orb!”

“Alright, alright!”

As Akira threw the orb at the castle wall, the orb shattered from the impact causing a huge electrical shock wave throughout the entire castle. While this was happening, there were loud screams from inside the castle. Akira was shocked to what just happened and exclaims, “Holy shit!” “Yeah,” said Ulric, “that’s what he gets for building this stupid castle. Honestly, building this thing on top of a hill is like asking mother nature to murder him when there are lightning storms. Anyway, c’mon Akira, let’s go.”

“Are you crazy! What if he’s dead!? Then I would be charged for murder! And what about that frog guy!? We should’ve at least checked if he was alive!”

“Akira, relax. That one orb isn’t enough to kill him, it’s enough to make him pass out. And also, you’re talking about a guy who is notorious for being unreasonable and from what we’ve heard from that villager, he’s definitely anthrophobic and homophobic! If you were that frog guy and if that golden hostile fuck went up to you and asked if you’re a gay frog and took you to his castle do you think you would be alive the next day? I don’t think so! Plus, it’s been a week, of course he’d be dead! His corpse is rotting somewhere in that castle! So, c’mon let’s get this shit over with!”

As the two heroes stepped inside the golden castle they see all three individuals being unconscious at the king’s throne; with the king slouched on his throne with his hand in his pants and his two guards on the floor. “Jesus,” said Akira. “I know,” said Ulric, “this guy is greedier than I thought. Look at this shit! Even his goddamn carpet is made of gold! And I’m willing to bet he only has two guards so he doesn’t have to pay much! What more does this excessive piece of fuck want!?”

“I was talking about them! I really hope they’re not dead!”

As Akira checks all three of their pulses, he gives a sigh of relief and says, “they’re still breathing.” “See?” said Ulric, “What did I tell ya? Aren’t you glad that I was right like many times before? You know, if it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t be in here right now-

“Okay! I get it! You could stop busting my balls.”

“Hey Akira, can you move this carpet for a sec?”

As Akira moved the carpet, they found a hatch that is located right in front of the double doors and it’s the only one that is not made of gold. “Wow, look at that,” said Ulric, “the only thing in the castle that is not made of gold for once. Alright, Akira, open this hatch so I could go check this out and you go check upstairs.”

“Will do.”

After Akira opened the hatch Ulric went down to see what’s in the hatch, while Akira went upstairs. As Ulric reached six feet down below the castle, he found himself in a dark room. “Ugh! It smells like sulfur in here!” exclaimed Ulric, “And why is there not a single torch light? And I swear if I see more golden shit I’m gonna be pissed!” Then Ulric made himself glow brighter to illuminate the room and he found himself in a dungeon with bleak greasy brick walls with five skeletons without skulls chained to the wall. And when Ulric reached the other side of the room, he found a recently deceased corpse which revealed to be the same frog guy the peasant man mentioned. The frog guy’s corpse showed there was excessive bleeding from his ears and nose with his skull completely crushed. Ulric is shocked to what he saw and says, “Oh my god…”

Meanwhile, Akira is in the king’s bed room finding more things that are made of gold. “Dammit,” said Akira, “all I’m finding up here is more golden shit.” Feeling disappointed from finding nothing, he decides to go downstairs to see what Ulric found in the hatch. By the time he reached the hatch the king quickly woke up, noticed Akira and screams, “HEY! WHAT ARE DOING IN MY CASTLE!?”

“I should be the one asking questions,” said Akira, “why is there a hatch and have you been converting most of villager’s money to create this castle?”

“Are you kidding! Those villagers don’t need all that money! They have all that delicious beans to sustain themselves and I have been giving them plenty!”

“In an unfair amount! Those villagers deserve the amount money they earn from producing those beans!”

“Well those shit bags are down there and I’m up on this hill. So, they are the least of my concerns!”

“And what happened to that frog guy a week ago?”

“Oh, him? He’s been long dead. He’s an abomination like the rest of them gay froggers! You know there’s a lake that turns people gay and those frogs been swimming in it and they are using them tongues by licking people’s buttholes and turning them gay!”

“… Yeah, I don’t think that’s true.”

“IT IS GODDAMMIT! THERE’S A LAKE THAT TURNED THOSE FROGS GAY AND THOSE FROGS ARE MAKING MORE PEOPLE GAY WITH THEIR TONGUES!!!” No such lake exists. Even though this world is full of endless possibilities, but there is no magical lake that turns people into homosexuals.

“Well from your words, I think I have enough evidence to put you under arrest in the name of the Knighthood League,” said Akira as he revealed he was recording their conversation on his go-screen, “you gonna have to come with me to Paris.” The king’s face turned red with anger and yells, “I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! ESPECIALLY WITH A CROSS-DRESSING WEIRDO LIKE YOU!!!”

“Then I guess I’m gonna have to take you by force!”

“OH BRING IT ON YOU SKINNY LITTLE BITCH! But first I need to fart.” As King Alexander, from the other side of the room, has his ass face towards Akira and grunting trying to concentrate; Ulric came out of the hatch and says “Hey! Akira! Listen-

“Just a sec Ulric,” said Akira, “I’m about to fight this guy but I’m letting him fart for a sec.”

“OH SHIT! AKIRA! MOVE!!”

As soon as the king farted, it did not come out as an actual fart sound, instead a loud booming scream vocalized as “FART!!!” came out; which created a large hole on the castle wall. Akira managed to dodge it; he is hanging on the top corner of the room. “What the hell was that!?” asked Akira being very confused. “There’s more to that greedy fat piece of shit than I’d anticipated,” said Ulric, “this guy is born with a skill of emitting highly enhanced scream of high amplitude. He is also one of those people who are born with two mouths: one on where it should be and the other on random places and it looks as though he has a mouth as an anus. It’s like that play Teeth but with anal.”

“LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CASTLE WALL!!!” scream the king. “Bitch! That was your fault!” said Ulric.

“I’M GONNA MAKE YOU BOTH BLEED TO DEATH!”

“Go ahead and try!” said Akira confidently as he emits blue flames from his legs; then he jumps from the wall to the floor then as the speed picks up he starts to rapidly bouncing off multiple surface in the room. Akira is born with a skill called Aura. This skill allows him to enhance his strength, defense, speed and magic one at a time. Usually there are spells for enhancement, but unlike the enhancement spells which can boost up by ten, Akira’s Aura can boost up to a hundred. Let’s say in a role-playing video game, like Final Fantasy, a character’s speed stat is 33. With an enhancement spell, it would only go to 43. But with Akira’s Aura, it would go up to 133. Akira’s Aura is also capable of enhancing other people, shoot beams and projectiles from either his hand or his sword and maybe more as time progresses as he levels up. Anyway, as Akira was about to throw a punch to the king’s face, the king let out a huge sonic scream of “YAAAAAH!!!” from his regular mouth; causing the whole foundation of the castle to vibrate and blasting Akira to the wall. As Akira got up and exclaims, “Ow! Dammit! I was so close!” Then the king lets out another vocalized sonic fart and Akira manages to dodge it very easily since he now knows the function of that ability. Then Akira keeps moving while Ulric is flying closely besides him and the king kept using his mouth attacks. “Looks like from his regular mouth, his attacks are pervasive,” said Ulric, “while his farts are more condensed yet twice as powerful! I hope, you got the idea to avoid his farts at all cost! Or else you’ll end up like that frog guy down in the dungeon! I’ve seen his corpse and it was fucked up! His skull was completely crushed!” “Shit!” exclaimed Akira, “well I can’t get close to him without having my ears bleed!”

“Then why don’t you use your sword for projectile attacks then?”

“I won’t.”

“What!? What do you mean, you won’t!?”

“I’m not using my sword against someone who is unarmed and is a non-dark intelligent living being. It’s not noble.”

“Akira, this is no time to be a bushido bastard! His voice and his fat ass are the only thing keeping him from being vulnerable! Unless if you have another plan to beat this guy if not we’re shit out of luck!” While the two heroes are still avoiding the king’s attack, Akira starts to slow down from using too much of his aura for enhancing his speed. “Aw shit!” exclaimed Akira, “I need to eat!” While still running, Akira quickly reached into his bag and pulled out some Peach Frog meat to chow down as fast as he could. One weakness about Akira’s ability is that it taxes his body’s stamina; in order to regain more aura energy, he has to eat something. By the time he finished eating, he hatched an idea. From that point, he starts to jump to one surface to another, the same thing he did before, except this time he threw a heart bean into the king’s mouth. After the king swallowed the bean whole, he yells, “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? ARE YOU TRYING TO FIGHT ME OR FEED ME!? But keep em coming. They’re deliciously peachy.” Without responding to the king, Akira kept throwing beans into the king’s mouth until he used up to the total of ten beans. After that, Akira quickly threw two fire orbs on the floor, completely missing the king, which then caused two large flames to appear in the room. Then Akira picked up two golden unconscious guards, went to the large hole that was created from earlier and yells, “Come on Ulric! Let’s get the hell out of here!” Then the two quickly got out of the castle leaving King Alexander Johnson surrounded by few flames. “YEAH! YOU BETTER RUN!” screamed the king, “THIS IS WHY NO ONE DARES TO MESS WITH KING ALEXANDER JOHNS- Oh god! What the hell? Ugh! My stomach!” Suddenly, the king’s stomach started to expand like a balloon. By the time he gotten really big, he became immobile and started to panic by saying, “UGH! AW SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!!!” Meanwhile, outside of the castle, Akira and Ulric, with two guards tied up and still being unconscious, are at short distance away from the castle. “I gotta have to admit,” said Ulric, “that was some good thinking there Akira.” “Thanks Ulric,” said Akira.

“And you might wanna cover your ears for this.” As both heroes covered their ears, they watched the golden castle explode in multiple pieces; with the king blasting off into the distance leaving a long smoke trail coming out of his ass while the king is screaming, out of fear, and his ass screaming out “FAAAAAAAAAH”. “I just hope he’ll land on something safe,” said Akira. “Don’t worry about it Akira,” said Ulric, “I’m sure with his thick body it’ll lessen the impact when he lands. Plus, judging by the distance he’ll land straight to Paris, where he’ll be arrested for sure.”

“Well, now I’m really relieved to hear that.”

“Yeah, that’s the charm of being main protagonists; they always have the highest luck.”

“What does that mean?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Anyway, let’s take those photos of that dungeon you’ve mentioned for one last evidence and let’s collect all the gold for those villagers.”

After the two heroes completed the quest, they’re on their way back to Paris while Akira is carrying three huge gold bricks. “Man, it was really nice of them to not only paying us 500 Europes but also giving us these golden bricks,” said Akira, “that’s even more than our last quest!” “Well you did handle that guy like a fucking boss,” said Ulric, “not a lot of knights would do something like that. In fact, no knights would ever do that!”

“Well I couldn’t have done without your help.”

“Yeah, no shit. You don’t need to say that twice.”

“By the way, how much Europes would be converted from these bricks?”

“Definitely 3,000.”

“Sweet! … I feel really good about today. With the two of us, I feel like we’re gonna accomplish a lot of great things … I’m glad I found you Ulric.”

“And I’m glad you’re not weak little bitch. Hey, by the way, have much time do you have to get that debt taken care of?”

“A month.”

“Wait… A MONTH!?”

“Uh… y- yeah.”

“What the fuck have you been doing for the past two months!?”

“… Did I mentioned that I’m not very good with directions outside of Paris?”

“Are you that bad!?”

“… Yes.”

“What the fuck!? … WHAT. THE. FUCK!?!?”

Debt Counter: 13,700 Europes

31 Days Left

Epilogue:

As Akira went up to a one-story house he knocked on the door and an average woman wearing a blue tunic opens the door and asks, “can I help you?” “Yes, ma’am,” said Akira, “is this the household of Thomas Fister?”

“I’m his wife. So yes, what do you want with my husband?”

“Actually, I’m from the Knighthood League and I came here to inform you that… your husband unfortunately died by being crushed to death by a Peach Frog… I’m really sorry for-

“Hold on, wait… Did you say my husband got crushed by a Peach Frog?”

“… Yes.” After three seconds of silence, the woman broke out into huge laughter. “Oh my god!” laughed the woman, “Hey Phillip! Come here!” A tall muscular man wearing nothing but white braises show up at the door and says, “What it is?”

“My dumbass husband,” said the woman while still laughing, “got killed by a Peach Frog!”

“Oh my god!” laughed the muscular man, “What a shitty way to die! Now we don’t have to worry about getting caught!” It is clear that Mrs. Fister was having an affair with that muscular man. Akira, being very confused by the situation, says, “Okay… I’m gonna go now.” “Okay! Take care!” said the woman still laughing. Then Akira walked away from the house while those two were still laughing their ass off.

#medievalfantasy #fantasy #samurai #comedic #comedy #alex jones #lol #book #funny #funnytext #hilarious #frogs

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