#a great villain. i wanna shake him in a jar

[phantomrose96]

Sham sacrifice. Is vlad an unreliable narrator about his past friendship with Jack, or do you hc that was how their relationship was like prior to the accident

(Sham Sacrifice: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2)

A really good question! I feel like canon leaves this highly open to interpretation, considering all we really get is Jack's perspective claiming he and Vlad were absolute best friends before the accident. And this is the same Jack who thinks he is STILL good friends with current-day Vlad, a man who wants nothing more than to murder Jack 100 different ways and has to cope with the fact that he can actually only murder Jack once.

So there's plenty of reason to doubt Jack's "we were inseparable bff's" recount, but it doesn't disprove it at all. It's perfectly believable to take the angle that Jack and Vlad were in fact good friends before the whole "life ruining lab accident Jack caused" and the whole "given 20 years to stew on it" and the whole "Jack married the woman Vlad loved while Vlad was taken out of the game due to his debilitating illness Jack caused."

As for my personal headcanon, and Sham Sacrifice, I think I gravitate somewhere closer to Jack and Vlad actually being good friends, and on reflection Vlad remembers it more as "I didn't actually like him. I just liked feeling superior around him." Vlad's the kind of guy who likes to believe he's always right, all the time, and will selectively remember things differently to suit him.

I think of pre-ghostpowers!Vlad as some kid who wants to be liked, but is not very popular and is still figuring all of himself out. He meets Jack who seems to love him and Vlad vibes with it because, hey he's liked! He's making friends! Post-ghostpowers!Vlad is someone who realizes his desire to be revered is very attainable, by shows of power against ghosts and shows of money against humans. He becomes someone very widely revered, and retrospectively he cannot even fathom why he would ever have desired the approval of someone like Jack Fenton. And clearly, retrospectively, he must have only hung around Jack in order to feel superior. Surely.

[that--unusual-person]

Cosmic anon gets it‼️‼️

There is so much more i would do the Starscream like pick him up with my bare cold hands and shake him like the ginger girl from finding Nemo and force him to watch all Shrek movies while all stars from smash mouth plays in the back non stop. Baking him into a cake is also a great options and the salad spinner with him in is just a great way to stim❤️. Just aggressively making that thing turn around and around. i once broke a salad spinner as a kid because i did it so agressivly breaking the handle and making the spinner fall on the floor and partly breaking into pieces. I imagine Starscream just being a puddle at this point, if so then he goes right back in the jar and then i microwaves him because i wanna know what will happen. if nothing does i would bite his head (lovingly) and rattle him around like a dog with their chew toy, barking while doing so and run around on all four running in circles.

I would squeeze him like those stress toys who's eye pop out dramatically and then throw him on the wall and hope he would stick on it right above my bed, that way when i stare on the celling i can see him before i fall asleep ❤️. Bc he is so cool and awesome he should be the last thing i see when i go into dreamland and also the first thing i see when i wake up❤️.

With the others i can't say my thirst for pathetic meow meows oozes for them. Like Starscream has just this pathetic wet sock, crying in the rain while covered in the mud, hopeing you would take him back as a lover while, i will always love you, plays in the back and you just throw a shoe at him to make him go away. He doesn't tho and looks at you with those big silly eyes, you still take him back because there is just SOMETHING about him you don't find in others, kind of vibe.

He is so pathetic and loving, his dumb stupidity grin that melts your heart while his clownery makes you wanna put him in a potato sack where only his head peaks out and put him in the damp,cold, dark basement. He is so dumb and cute and ratty.

Soundwave is just straight up my loving husband that i would wife up and give all my love without the insanity. The Bot is already dealing with so much he deserves a break and a soft tenderly kiss on the cheek while i tell him how great he is. I would draw him like an old painter draws their lover and muse; full of grace and power, elegance that you don't see anywhere else. The paintings of the time where he still was by my side the only thing reminding me how he looks like while my brain slowly withers away. My mind forgetting how his voice filled my hears like a wonderful song and his touch like the warm rays of the sun. But my heart beating for him and knowing even if i forget how he looks like my it will still remember him. Writing love sick writing poetry about the fuzzy warm feeling i had in the past seeing paintings of this mysterious person i clearly knew in the past. Writing about his beauty that shines from the inside out. Watching the moon, thinking of his dazzling eyes feeling cold and lonely not having him by my side, wishing each day that he would finally be here to fall in love a second time❤️ (but your genius for the things you wrote down).

Same with shockwave, but i have to admit i really wanna bite his mono-boob while skedaddling on his body like an insect. My feelings for shocker is in between of soundwave and Starscream.

I wanna cling on his leg and try to shake him around (knowing it won't happen because he is a THICC BOY). he would need me to put me in those child dog leashes or cages to make me stop fooling around and chewing on him. I would probably just straight up gulp down one of his chemicals to mess with him not caring if i die or grow a third arm. I honestly hope i would be his Starscream ❤️❤️ Him observing me in my silly little jar while i lick the glass like stich at the beginning of the movie❤️

I would be the fluffy cat getting petted sleeping on the lap of the villain as they spin around to face the hero of the story.

Anyway i hope it's obvious I'm very autistic about these three.(apologies for the insane ramblings I'm sleep deprived and ate like 13 chocolate muffins).

-thick shockwave/jar Starscream anon

[quirkwriter]

How Class 2A’s Couples Get Together Part 1

Kiribaku: Karaoke Night

This is how Kiribaku gets together. In this au, everything happens in the manga until the war arc. There has been no villain attacks so far in their second year. It is around the middle of May. This is separate from both I don’t hate you and When He Sees Me

Bakugou thought joining the other idiots for karaoke night was stupid. He didn’t want to waste his time listening to Kaminari and Sero singing off key for most of the night. He wanted to save his eardrums and go to bed early. But Kirishima had somehow convinced him to come this time.

Bakugou had just walked past Kirishima’s dorm so he could decompress in his own dorm before the stupid karaoke night. But Kirishima’s door was cracked open and he happened to hear what was going on inside it.

“Mina,” Kirishima whined. “I’m not confessing to him through a song! Or confessing to him, period! Are you out of your mind? He’s gonna say no for sure!”

“You don’t know if you don’t try, Kirishima!” Mina said, handing him her guitar. “Come on, play something!”

Bakugou thought he had heard enough. Kirishima was gonna confess his love to either Kaminari, Sero, or maybe if he hoped enough, it would be him. No, Kirishima doesn’t have feelings for him. Why would he? He was just his best bro. It was probably Kaminari if he was being honest. The two idiots were always cuddling on the couch and shit like that.

Bakugou was more annoyed than usual when he arrived at karaoke night. He knew that Kirishima was gonna confess to Dunce Face tonight. He knew how fucking insistent Mina was about crushes, so Mina probably found some way to convince Kirishima to sing Pikachu a damn love song or some shit like that. It made Bakugou sick to his stomach.

Kaminari and Sero were up first, laughing all the way through “Never Gonna Give You Up.” Bakugou groaned, explosions sparking in his palms at the morons’ antics.

“I can’t believe you fucking rick-rolled us,” Shinso said, rolling his eyes as Kaminari and Sero sat back down on the couch.

“What can I say?” Kaminari laughed, resting his chin underneath his hand. “I’m a walking meme. You know I had to!”

“You idiot,” Shinso and Jirou said at the same time.

“You’re up, Kirishima,” Mina whispered, nudging Kirishima gently in the ribs. “It’s your time to shine.”

Kirishima wringed his hands nervously as he walked in front of the TV. He wiped the sweat of his forehead and tried to calm down his racing heart. Jirou pulled the soundtrack up on the TC behind him, signaling for him to start.

“Baby, I, I wanna know,” Kirishima began, his voice shaking slightly. “What you think when you’re alone. Is it me, yeah? Are you thinking of me, yeah?”

Bakugou ground his teeth in frustration. It was Kirishima’s time to confess to Dunce Face. He wanted him to be happy, but a selfish part of him hoped that Kaminari would reject him.

“We’ve been friends now for awhile,” Kirishima continued, his hands clutching the makeshift microphone like a lifeline. “Wanna know that when you smile, is it me, yeah? Are you thinking of me, oh, oh?”

Bakugou snuck a glance over at Kaminari, who had a wide grin on his face. It was definitely Kaminari. Who else would it be?

“Boy, what would you do? Would you wanna stay, if I were to say?” Kirishima hit the note perfectly and Mina whooped in excitement. “I wanna be, last, yeah. Baby, let me be your, let me be your last first kiss. I wanna be first, yeah, wanna be the first to take it all the way like this.”

Bakugou tuned the rest of the chorus out, annoyed at Kirishima’s nervousness and Kaminari’s giddiness. He didn’t want to stay and listen to the whole song, but he didn’t want to upset Kirishima by leaving.

“Baby, tell me what to change,” Bakugou perked up at this part. Who would be telling Kirishima to change? He doesn’t need to fucking change anything, damn it! “I’m afraid you’d run away, if I tell you, what I wanted to tell you.”

Bakugou growled to himself. Kaminari better not run away from Kirishima and break his heart! He’s fucking kill the bastard.

“Maybe I just gotta wait,” Kirishima’s voice shook, eyes adverting to the floor. “Maybe this was a mistake. I’m a fool, yeah. Baby, I’m just a fool, yeah.”

Bakugou couldn’t watch this. He couldn’t watch his best friend and crush get his heart broken in front of everyone. Bakugou abruptly got up and went back to his dorm room, muttering an excuse about being “too fucking tired for this shit.”

“Bakugou, wait!” Kaminari called after him, but Bakugou ignored him. He was the idiot Kirishima loved. He couldn’t deal with the dumbass at the moment.

Bakugou slammed his door shut behind him, sliding down the door as tears threatened to pool out of his eyes. “I’m not gonna fucking cry, damn it.” He told himself as he angrily wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Bakugou,” Kaminari knocked on his door, panting loudly on the other side. “Bakugou, you gotta come back down, man. Kiri is really upset you left.”

“I don’t give a fuck, Dunce Face,” Bakugou growled through the door. “Now leave me alone. I’m fucking sleeping.”

“That song was supposed to be for you, Bakugou,” Kaminari sighed. “You basically just rejected him, bro. You could at least have the balls to reject him after the song, and with your words.”

“Huh?!” Bakugou shouted, throwing the door open. Kaminari fell forward, catching himself on the doorframe. “What the hell you mean the song was for me? He’s obviously confessing to you, idiot!”

Kaminari burst out laughing. “The whole Bakusquad was in on this, man. We all know Kiri has feelings for you, Bakugou. So we had Mina pressure him into confessing tonight. And I...I like someone else.” Kaminari blushed, thinking about the person he had a crush on.

“Why didn’t you just fucking say so earlier?” Bakugou huffed angrily. He stormed downstairs, dragging Kaminari with him. “We’re gonna fucking fix this!”

Bakugou told Kaminari to put a karaoke track on the TV while he stormed in front of it. He glared pointedly at all his idiotic friends. “Listen up, extras. I’m gonna sing the best damn song you’ve ever fucking heard!”

“I’m surprised you got him to come back,” Jirou whispered to Kaminari after he sat back down. “What’d you say to him?”

“Nothing much,” Kaminari said with a shit-eating grin. “Just said that Blasty just left because he was embarrassed about his singing voice. Worked like a charm.”

“You’re so getting killed by him later,” Sero chuckled. “Did you even think that through?”

Kaminari deflated. “Guys, just let me have this!”

“Let it out,” Bakugou began, a cocky smirk still on his face. “Been building up, you better let it out. Say everything that you’ve been meaning now.”

“Damn, he really is a good singer,” Jirou mused to herself. “I’m surprised.”

“Man, Kacchan just has to be good at everything,” Kaminari whined. “It makes him so unlikeable.”

“I want it to burn,” Bakugou glared at Kaminari. That’s it. He officially feared for his life.

“When you tell me that I’m such a wreck,” Bakugou sang, his face completely neutral once again. “It isn’t easy cleaning up your mess. It’s like I got a rope around my neck. He says it won’t hurt.” Sadness briefly flashed in Bakugou’s crimson eyes before it was gone again.

“But everything you do makes my heart race,” Bakugou’s face flushed. “I can’t even think straight.” Kaminari pointed to the pride flag behind the TV and tried not to laugh.

Bakugou’s eyes narrowed. “Is this just a game to you?”

“Reruns every night. It’s always the same fight,” Bakugou took a deep breath and stared at Kirishima. “And I think you should know…”

“I hate your touch. I hate your mouth.” Kirishima’s jar dropped as he turned his face away, tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. “I can’t stand every single word that falls out.”

A soft smile developed on Bakugo’s face. “But you’re all that I’ve been dreaming of.” Then his face hardened and he rolled his eyes. “This is not another song about love.”

Kirishima looked at his crush in confusion. He just said he hated him but then he goes and sings something like this? He hates getting mixed signals like this.

“I hate your voice. I hate your lips,” Bakugou glared back at Kirishima, then he turned away, angrily blushing. “I hate how bad I wanna steal your kiss. But you’re all that I’ve been dreaming of.”

Kirishima opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Bakugou’s next line.

“This is not another song about love.”

Kirishima slumped in his seat. Of course this was gonna be a rejection song. He held his head in his hands, not looking at Bakugou any longer.

“Asphyxiated just to say the least,” Bakugou sang, taking a step forward. “And with your eyes you’re suffocating me. Emptied my lungs, it’s getting hard to breathe.”

Kirishima lifted his head. Was Bakugou still talking about him? Why was he giving him so many mixed signals?

Bakugou’s eyes hardened again and he turned away. “You couldn’t care less.”

“That’s not true,” Kirishima said quietly.

“But everything you do makes his heart race,” Kaminari stepped in, taking the microphone from Bakugou. “He can’t even think straight.” Kaminari pointed to the pride flag again.

Bakugou snatched the microphone from him. “Is this just a game to you?” He sang in response, shoving Kaminari away as he glowered at the blond idiot. “Reruns every night. It’s always the same fight.”

Bakugou then turned to face Kirishima again. Rolling his eyes, he sang, “And I think you should know…”

Great. I’m about to be insulted again. Kirishima thought to himself.

“I hate your touch. I hate your mouth,” Bakugou sang, looking annoyed, his face red with anger. “I can’t stand every single word that falls out.”

Kaminari popped back up behind Bakugou, snatching the microphone from him again, “But you’re all that he’s been dreaming of!”

Bakugou snatched the microphone back. “This is not another song about love!” Bakugou’s palms sparked threateningly towards Kaminari.

Bakugou sent Kaminari another angry glare before turning towards Kirishima. “I hate your voice. I hate your lips. I hate how bad I wanna steal your kiss.”

This time Mina stole the microphone from Bakugou. “But you’re all that he’s been dreaming of!”

Bakugou growled, yanking the microphone out of Mina’s hands. “This is not another song about love!”

Bakugou cleared his throat. “The sky fades from blue to grey,” he sang, taking a step towards Kirishima. “His touch is like an ocean. Still I’m drowning, how bad I wanna sink and let it take me away.”

“He don’t know why he comes back,” Kaminari sang without the microphone, sinking dramatically into Sero’s arms.

“He does every time,” Sero sang along, placing Kaminari back down on the couch.

“They get close to the end,” Mina sang, twirling around Bakugou, getting him more annoyed. “It’s a finish line.”

“Sing these words for the boy you’ve been dreaming of,” Jirou sang from the couch, giving Bakugou an encouraging thumbs up.

“Is this just another song about love?” Kaminari teased, poking Bakugou in the side, making him flinch.

Bakugou shoved Mina and Kaminari away, taking another few steps towards Kirishima. “Let it out. I’ve been building up, I better let it out.”

Kirishima blinked back at him in surprise. “Say everything I’ve been meaning now, dreaming ‘bout. I mean it now. I need it now!”

“Bakugou…?” Kirishima stared back at the blond in confusion, a light blush coloring his cheeks.

“I need your touch,” Bakugou’s face flushed red. “I have no doubt. I want your love until it all runs out.”

Kirishima opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by Kaminari and Sero screaming, “Cause you’re all that he’s been dreaming of!”

“Is this just another song about love?” Jirou smirked.

Bakugou shook his head, rolling his eyes at his idiots’ antics. “I need your voice. I need your lips. I need you bad. I wanna steal your kiss!”

Bakugou crouched down in front of Kirishima, singing the last few lines softly. “Cause you’re all that I’ve been dreaming of. This is just another song about love.”

Bakugou drops the microphone in Kirishima’s lap and leans in to kiss him. Kirishima’s eyes widened, but kissed Bakugou back. When Bakugou pulls away, he’s smiling fondly at him. “You idiot,” he said softly. “You know I could never hate you, Shitty Hair.”

The remaining Bakusquad members cheer as they watch Kirishima kiss Bakugou again. “My ship!” Mina squealed happily.

“Fuck off, extras,” Bakugou scoffed at them, but there was no bite to his words. “This isn’t a fucking big deal.”

Bakugou grabbed Kirishima’s hand, pulling him to his feet. “Come on, idiot,” he said to the redhead. “Let’s go to my room where these idiots aren’t gonna fucking spy on us.”

Once they were out of earshot, Mina squealed again, pumping her fists in the air. “I knew karaoke would make Mission Kiribaku a success!”

Kaminari relaxed back into the couch. “Hey, wasn’t doing karaoke Jirou’s idea?”

“Simp,” Sero laughed at his friend.

“I’m not a simp,” Kaminari exclaimed, flushing red. “I just want Jirou to get some proper credit, that’s all.”

“Well, anyway, I think I’m going to bed,” Shinso said as he got up from the couch. “As happy as I am at this love confession, I’m tired.”

Mina pouted, but eventually agreed that they should go to bed. Now she had to plan on how to get their next ship together.

Hope you enjoyed this fic! Let me know what other couples you want to see get together in Class 2A.

[random-crappypasta-qoutes]

This will probably be my longest post ever lol. Well, get ready for this behemoth of a story called Happy Tree Friends: The Funeral.

nscript

(the movie begins in the hospital showing Lumpy as a doctor, he comes across Buzz Lightyear, who has broken his arm off)

Lumpy: Hello, do you need fixing up?

Buzz Lightyear: Don't talk to me!

(Lumpy comes over to a bruised and bloodied Cuddles' hospital bed)

Lumpy: So, you were beaten up by Scoutmaster Lumpus?

Cuddles: (coughing up blood) Y-yes....

Lumpy: Hmmmmmmmm…..don't worry, I can make you better! (rubs two defibrillator paddles together) CLEAR! (electrocutes Cuddles, which burns him until his heart explodes)

(everyone shrieks)

Lumpy: Whoops, sorry....

Toothy: He's not the only one you know, Russell died of lung cancer, Flaky had of a heart attack from entering a chick farm, Cub was shot by a black guy because Pop wasn't there to protect him, Mime was shot by Cleveland Brown, and Splendid puked his organs out after swallowing the Kryptonut.

Nutty: Oh, why would we lose them too?!

Petunia: This is just terrible!

(later, at the funeral)

(The Intermezzo of Cavalleria Rusticana starts playing as the remaining Happy Tree Friends mourn for Cuddles, Russell, Flaky, Cub, Mime, and Splendid)

Reverend Lovejoy: Here lies Cuddles the bunny, Russell the pirate otter, Flaky the porcupine, Cub the baby bear, Mime the mime deer, and Splendid the super squirrel. We shall never forget the times we had with them.

PhantomStrider: (blows a horn) YAY!!!! 6 OF THE HAPPY TREE FRIENDS ARE DEAD!!!!

Happy Tree Friends Hater #1: LET'S CELEBRATE!!!!

PhantomStrider: (starts playing the Chicken Song by J.Geco)

Flippy: You evil disrespectors! I swear I'll cut you in your sleep!

Reverend Lovejoy: Question, how did Cuddles die?

Sniffles: Lumpy shocked him to death after he got beaten by Scoutmaster Lumpus.

Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, okay.

Diesel: Alright people, LET'S TEAR THIS PLACE DOWN!!!

PhantomStrider: I’m full of surprises, they ought to say of me, I bring some razzle dazzle to the yard, I’m full of surprises, as you can plainly, I don’t find being surprising all that hard. Some would probably say, I’m only up to my old tricks, but I’d say I’m a problem solver, looking for a nice quick fix. I’m full of surprises, they ought to say of me, I bring some razzle dazzle to the rail, I’m full of surprises, as you can plainly see, I’m trusting my surprises to prevail, I hope this time being surprising doesn’t fail! They used to call me devious, because I had a pit of previous, but please you must believious, I’m not that bad… Well maybe just a tad.

Crowd of Characters: (applause)

Russell Ferguson: That's what that pirate otter gets for stealing my name!

PhantomStrider: Come here, Happy Tree Friends haters!

Happy Tree Friends Haters: Coming!

PhantomStrider: Are you a real villain?

Hater #1: Well, uhhh….technically not

PhantomStrider: Have you ever caught a good guy like a real superhero?

Hater #1: Nah!

(Hater #2 shakes his head)

PhantomStrider: Have you ever tried a disguise?

Hater #1: Nah, nah....

PhantomStrider: Alright! I can see that I will have to teach you how to be villains!

Happy Tree Friends Haters: Hey! We are number one! Hey! We are number one!

PhantomStrider: Now listen closely. Here’s a little lesson in trickery. This is going down in history, If you wanna be a villain number one, You’ll have to chase a superhero on the run. Just follow my moves and sneak around be careful not to make a sound. (Happy Tree Friends Hater #1 steps on a branch) No! Don’t touch that! Ha, ha, ha! Now look at this net I just found. When I say “Go!”, be ready to throw! Go! Throw it at him, not me! Ugh! Let’s try something else. Now watch and learn, here’s the deal, you’ll slip and slide on these banana peel, (Happy Tree Friends haters slip on the Banana peels) What are you doing?! We are number one Hey! Hey! 

Crowd of Characters: (applause)

Handy: Hmph!

Lumpy: I kinda like it!

PhantomStrider: And for you guys, I have something to say to you.

Giggles: Oh, great.....

PhantomStrider: A man has fallen into the river in LEGO City! Start the new rescue helicopter.

Crowd of Characters: HEY!!

PhantomStrider: Build the helicopter, and off to the rescue. Prepare the lifeline, lower the stretcher, and make the rescue. The new emergency collection from LEGO City!

Pop: My son is dead and you're telling us songs and quotes that make no sense?!

Flippy: (flips out) THAT IS IT!!!! WE WILL KILL YOU!!!!

(Silence breaks for 10 seconds)

PhantomStrider, the Happy Tree Friends Haters, and Crowd of Characters: (booing and throwing things at them)

Duck: Dingus!

Oliver: You shut up!

Smudger: Preachy!

Lammy: We’re not being preachy.

Yong Bao: (throws a jar of macaroni and cheese at Disco Bear)

Happy Tree Friends Hater #1: I thought they touched on a vital issue.

PhantomStrider: I beg to differ, hi-yah! (throws a rock)

Flippy: Okay! Okay! Uncle! We give up! Can we please call this a truce?

(Meanwhile…)

Frankie: (recording) Theo, this is not safe at all.

Theo: Shut up, Frankie! Just keep filming, Okay. I’m Theo, and I am The Greatest American Hero, my special power is being somehow memorable after a very short run on TV.

(Merlin, Hurricane and Lexi set off)

Theo: (singing) Believe it or not, I’m walking on air, I never thought I would be so free…

(Hurricane, Lexi and Merlin let go of Theo)

Theo: (still singing) Flyin’ away on a wing and a pray’r, who could it be? (could it be) believe it or not, it’s just… (crashes into a tree and falls into the lake at PhantomStrider’s concert, everyone stops booing and starts laughing at Theo)

Reverend Lovejoy: In many ways Cuddles, Russell, Flaky, Cub, Mime, and Splendid were supporting characters in our lives, they didn't grab out our attention with memorable catchphrases or comical accents.

Nutty: Awwwwwwwwwwww..........

PhantomStrider and Haters: (Singing) These guys are not use at all; Thinks they’re very clever. Says that they can manage us; that’s the best joke ever! When they order us about, with the greatest folly, we just kill them! Pop Goes Old Dummies! (PhantomStrider and the haters laugh and then run up to the Happy Tree Friends with spears, torches, pitchforks, katanas, battering rams, axes, pistols, chainsaws, whips, bazookas, tasers, pepper spray, medieval flails, maces, shis, staffs, nunchucks, rolling pins, shurikens, broken glass bottles, and plasma cannons making battle cries and kill them)

(later, they all respawn back in a different timeline)

Cuddles: Well, of course we'd all be back. It's Happy Tree Friends, for goodness sake! Next time I'll stay away from Scoutmaster Lumpus. Hmmm....that's funny, I feel hungry for some cat all of a sudden. (sees a cat on the floor, pupils dialate) Come here, after-death snack! (iris closes up on the cat as Cuddles eats it offscreen)

(after-credits scene, July 19, 2069…)

Hater #1: Uuuuuuuuuuh, PhantomStrider? I don't think we should be here again.

PhantomStrider: Come on, the Happy Tree Friends are all dead now.

Hater #2: But you know they can respawn, right?

PhantomStrider: I know, but they'll respawn in a different timeline, so there's nothing here to be afraid of.

(a hand grabs PhantomStrider and throws him off a bridge)

PhantomStrider: (screams)

(the Happy Tree Friends haters watch PhantomStrider fall to his death, now more scared than before, they turn around and see Jack Skellington heading towards them)

Jack Skellington: GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!

(cuts to static)

(after-credits scene second part, Cuddles is fast asleep with Giggles in their bed together, when their room is intruded by PhantomStrider's ghost, just as PhantomStrider raises his arm to attack them, Cuddles wakes up and finds that the room is empty. Assuming PhantomStrider's ghost to be a dream, Cuddles goes back to sleep, oblivious to the presence of PhantomStrider's shirt on the floor)

This is... *inhales* *exhales*

What does PhantomStrider has to do with Happy Tree Friends!?!

You do know the characters don't talk right?

WTF!?!

How is this supposed to be scary?

[spiralledcupid]

On the Upswing p1

Parings: None/Undecided

Words: 2,593

Synopsis: Giran makes a joke about Toga needing a responsible adult to join the League of Villains. Unfortunately, she takes him seriously. Even worse, the only responsible adult she can think of is a demon. Or the ‘Dabi is a Demon’ AU. 

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It’s dark with clouds and the threat of thunder when Toga skips into the office. She’s in her best cardigan, the one without the stains, and her earbuds are playing her “<3 JOY <3” playlist, for added confidence. She knows Giran, but only as the voice on the other side of her phone. Now she’s meeting him, she wants to be as peppy and upbeat as possible, then maybe he’ll like her!

She wants Giran to like her. It’s not often she gets an offer like this, where they actually like what she does.

Grinning to herself, Toga raps sharply on the door, then gives it a merry shove open.

As soon as he sees her, the man behind the desk smashes his cigarette into an overflowing ashtray, waving the smoke away from her. It doesn’t stop them smell.

“Hi! I’m Toga Himiko.”

“Giran.” The man coughs slightly, turning to open a window. Toga keeps grinning, doing her best to show off her fangs. This is gonna be so great. She can make friends, maybe even meet cute boys, and maybe even get paid, and how could Giran not take her-

“I’m not too young!”

Giran shakes his head, smiling a snake oil smile, “Go home, kid. Find an adult to sign your permission form, then we’ll talk.”

There’s a knife up Toga’s sleeve, and it would be really, really easy for her to just pull it out and swing the way she always does. And she could. She really could, but- well, then she’d have even less chance of joining the League. And joining the League is all she wants to do. She’s never had a Career Goal before, not even when she actually attended school and had regular meetings with the guidance counsellor. But now she does- and Giran’s saying no!

The guidance counsellor never told her that could happen.

Before she knows it, Toga has been walked out of the office and back into the cold.

With nothing else to do, she goes back the way she came. The rain is starting to fall, fat, heavy drops which make her twin bins droop. She doesn’t have any broody music downloaded, so she can’t even mourn right. With the rain soundtracking her walk home, she feels like she’s in some kind of emo movie, one without romance and with low ratings. The thought depresses her even more.

She finds a place under a fire exit to shelter until the rain stops, chewing her already chapped lip as she thinks. The League was her chance. She knows they’d keep her hidden from heroes, and help her live the way she should be living.

If only she were an adult.

If only she had an adult.

She knows Giran was joking about the permission form, she’s not that stupid, but he can’t turn her down if she finds someone SUPER powerful, can he? Someone who can’t betray her, someone who can’t join the League without Toga, but wants to join.

Where is she gonna find a villain like that?

Toga stands up straight.

Maybe she doesn’t need to find them.

 On her way ‘home’, Toga drops in at the local library. She hasn’t been there since elementary school, but no one notices another rain-sodden girl in a middle school uniform, even if her teeth are a little sharper and her eyes a little smarter than the ones they’re used to. But she doesn’t want to push her luck by asking for help.

As she wanders the shelves, she takes care to linger by the scattered radiators. She doesn’t want to get sick after all.

She’s lucky; the section she wants is tucked in a back corner, far from prying librarian eyes. There aren’t many books, but she still struggles to shove them all into her fluffy backpack. The ones she can’t have to go under her cardigan. She’s not stealing, not really. She’ll bring them back.

The ones that don’t work, anyway.

Whistling to herself, Toga skips out of the library and all the way home.

 Home is an overstatement. It’s the room above an abandoned shop, the For Let sign sunbleached and weathered. No one else wants it, so Toga moved right in. It has a basic bathroom, and a mattress on the floor for her to sleep on, and she even manged to find a little storage heater left behind by the last owners- but it’s not home. It’s not cute or cosy, or even decorated. But she can make do for now.

If the League let her in, she won’t have to.

Toga empties her bag onto the concrete floor, hugging herself as she admires her stolen goods. She has her books, of course, and salt, black candles and chalk (because she doesn’t want a permanent pentagram on her floor). She has some leaves she cut off a plant, because proper sage is hard to find, and mixed herbs in a glass jar to fill in the blanks, and a can of coke just in case her new companion is thirsty.

She also has fries, but they don’t count because she actually had to pay for them.

Tossing books aside, Toga digs through her piles until she finds the one she’s keeping:  ‘Demon Summoning for the Crafty of Mind’. The one with the instructions in it. The book tells her how to summon a Demon, how to care for it, and most importantly how to actually control it. What the book doesn’t tell her is if Demons count as actual adults who can act as guardians and let you become a villain. But Toga figures she can just ask for an adult one and take it from there.

As she makes her way through the fries, Toga gets to work on her salt circle. She’s tired from her long day, but the demon would probably prefer to be summoned at night, right? So she puts aside her exhaustion for now, beginning her salt circle instead.

The book didn’t say what kind of salt, so she makes one first with sea salt, then with table salt. She’s sure there are other kinds, but the little store at the bottom of the road only had those two, so they’ll have to do. She’s not getting the train to the city just to buy salt. And anyway, being possessed might not be so bad. Then she’d have justification for bleeding people out, and the League would have to let her join. They couldn’t turn down an actual demon.

Then again, it wouldn’t be her. Just her body.

Toga resumes her circle.

Inside the salt circle, she draws a rough pentagram and lights a candle at each point. The store didn’t offer plain black candles, too far from Halloween, so she hopes the little penguin ones she found work instead. They’re cute anyway.

The last step, according to the book, is to light the sage on fire. Toga glances at her garden leaves and mixed herbs, before dumping them out on the floor.

It takes 10 matches to get any sort of smoke from them.

Toga sits, cross-legged, in front of her little pyre, and opens the book to the last page. Here came the hard part: Latin.

It’s not that she’s bad at languages in general, she’s just better when she actually understands them, like when they learnt English in school. And Latin is a dead language- if it’s dead, it should stay dead, right?

Whatever. It’s worth it for the League.

Toga squares her shoulders, clears her throat- and begins.

 Dabi groans, shoulders cracking as he stretches his arms ahead of him. It’s hot as- hehe- hell in the pit, and sweat has been rolling down his back for better part of a century. And, call him a bad demon, but Dabi doesn’t get on with heat. You’d think he’d have managed to sort something out, old as he is, but well. Here he is. Still with no goddamn clue why he’s got demon skin that still burns easy.

In fact, Dabi muses as he rolls his shoulders, one after the other, he’s probably been down here for longer than a century. The thing about never telling anyone your real name is that no-one knows it, meaning no-one can drag you from your firey pit and let you lay carnage to the earth.

As he muses on his eternal entrapment and what that could mean for his mental state, Dabi becomes vaguely aware of some sort of ringing. It’s distant, a voice he doesn’t know that’s somehow as familiar as breathing, as the smell of burnt skin and singed hair. As he strains his ears, something hooks, like a fishhook through his navel, and jerks sharply up.

Dabi jumps, hooves bouncing off the black rock floor for a few seconds as the hook jerks once again. The red darkness around him is getting less red and less dark as the hook pulls once more and he hears Latin echo in his ears-

And he opens his eyes.

The room is grey and empty and boring, the light of the moon warring with the small electric light in the corner as it pours in through the curtainless window. The air is gentle and blessedly cold against his skin as he stands on the uncovered floor, ringed by salt.

He doesn’t need to taste to know it’s both kinds.

Dammit.

He spins slowly, searching for the cautious summoner. On his first 360, all he catches is a small flash of blonde.

On the next, he looks down a bit.

“Jesus. And I thought gremlins went extinct.”

“I’m not a gremlin!” The girl protests, and she’s right, she’s not. Her nose isn’t small enough, “I’m a human.”

“Whatever.” There’s no breaks in the circle either.

God dammit. Species aside, this girl was good. If he had time, he could probably find a way around her wards, but she talked so quick he was struggling to keep up without simultaneously thinking of a way to trick her.

“Are you a demon?” She asks. Her bright, wide grin shows sharp teeth and too much gum.

“No. I’m a human too,” A glance confirms she’s immune to sarcasm, “Joking. Whaddya want?”

The girl pouts slightly, tipping her head back, “I want… A responsible adult.”

“And you summoned a demon? Just get your parent to sign the school form, kid. No need for forgery.”

She glances down to the floor, taking in Dabi’s bare, cloven feet, “I don’t have them.”

Ah.

“Fine. Where’s the damn form?” Honestly, this is possibly the least interesting thing he’s ever done, and he’s spent summer of 1456 harvesting crops. At least then he got a weapon.  

The girl rubs at her eyes with the cuff of her cardigan sleeve. “It’s not a form. I wanna join the League of Villains. But the man said I have to wait until I’m 18 or get a responsible adult. And I don’t want to wait three years!”

“So you summoned a demon?”

“Will you help me join?”

Dabi sits down in the circle, considering his options. On one hand, this kid is 15. And even he’s got a few qualms about letting a kid join a group of- villains? A crime syndicate? The mafia? Whatever it was, he wasn’t fully down with it.

On the other hand.

A crime group promised carnage of all kinds. Even if he had to pretend to have invented super-potent matches to use his flames, like he did last time.

And he knows what he was like when he was 15, getting cast into hell and all. Laughing on the way down.

The kid didn’t even have parents…

“Fine. You got a contract, or do I have to do that for you too?”

The girl squeals, sprinting across the room to grab a notebook off the floor.

“I copied out the one in the book!”

“Toss it over.”

It’s pretty fair. He can’t possess her (standard), and he has to ask before he uses his powers (lame), but there’s nothing forbidding carnage, ruin or any other type of destruction. Dabi can live with that. He signs his name, his real name, and tosses it back over the salt circle.

 “How’d you get my name, anyway?”

The air feels like ice against Dabi’s raw skin when the kid breaks the salt ring around him, setting him free. His hooves click against the uncovered floor as he takes care not to touch the salt. He knows the line is broken, from the flow of air and unmuffled noise of the road outside, but he’s been burnt by impatience before.

The girl shrugs, “I didn’t. But all the demon names the book gave sounded like a mess of letters, so I just made it up and hoped for the best.”

It’s fair. After all, Dabi can only pronounce his name when he’s 100% sober, so how can anyone expect a kid to do better?

“Great. Just, don’t say it around other people, right? Or else they can tell me what to do too.”

The girl pouts, “Then what do I call you?”

“I go by Dabi.”

The girl grins, showing off teeth that are sharper than Dabi’s, “I’m Toga Himiko!”

They shake, Toga’s palm hot against Dabi’s cold skin.

“So, where’s this League?”

Toga shakes her head so fast she blurs, “No, wait. You can’t go out like that, you look all-all-“

“Demon-like? So what do you suggest?” Dabi arches an eyebrow, then remembers he doesn’t have any.

Toga leaps into the air, hands curled under her chin, “Makeovers!”

Oh no.

 “You look so scary!” Toga wails an hour later, as Dabi finishes roughing up the already tattered shirt. He’s already in the pants Toga got for him, the rough fabric brushing over his unfamiliar human legs. They suit him though, in a weird, goth way. The shirt looks good too, now he’s finished making it as burnt and lowcut as possible. And Toga said he could keep his burns, which helps. It’s a pain glamouring over all of them all the time.

Unfortunately, she won’t let him keep his feet.

“I thought this Quirk thing meant hooves were normal.”

“But your quirk isn’t hooves, it’s fire! Who’s ever been scared of a villain with hooves?

Dabi snorts, wiggling his new toes with fascinated disgust, “Sane people? I could trample them.”

“But I’m in charge!” Toga reminds him, skipping over to the pile of candy she managed to ‘procure’.

Dammit. He’d forgot that.

“Fine, I’ll have feet. But I’m not using normal fire, that’s weak shit.”

Toga huffs, blowing her fringe out of her eyes. Over the night, her hair has worked itself out of the two messy buns she had it in, and her eye bags have grown and grown.

You can’t see Dabi’s eyebags, mostly because he’s covered them with identical semi-circle burns, the way he’s covered all the ancient markings that litter his body. Those, like his hooves, aren’t fit for even a Quirk-filled society. He just has to remember not to let the glamour slip.

Even so, he looks good.

His red hair is replaced by a thick, inky black, setting off the purple of the burns that decorate his body. His coat, with the edges artfully burnt, has the right kind of sweep, and he looks both sleepy and hot at the same time.

It’s a good look.

Dabi glances out of Toga’s uncurtained window, taking in the slow rise of the sun, “So now are we heading out?”

[ausp-ice]

Apparitions, Scene 5: Robert Characters: Raffle/Wenzel ( @the-valiant-valkyrie​ ), Wavelength/Robert L. Wagstaff ( @tinkering-survivor​ ), Incisura/Wren (me) Words: 2697 Archive | 1 2 3 4 5 6

And now, we have the appearance of another character! Behold. Wagstaff. Non-canon edition. 

A little walk or... Or something might have done him some good, part of Wenzel thought. Sort of jarring to see someone who came sorta close to killing you once- who had been proclaimed dead and buried- suddenly... Exist. And attack. Only to die again quickly afterward. In not too pleasant or normal a fashion. Perhaps he should walk. Clear his mind. A couple breaths of fresh air could only do him good.

Too bad he hadn’t the sense to do that, though, carefully slipping inside the little inconspicuous store before common sense forced him to do anything other than that.

A string of bells rang as the door to the humble little store creaked open. The owner and sole employee of the establishment was nowhere to be found, but there was clear rustling noises in the back room - then a clattering, followed by hushed exclamations of frustration, and finally the crash of plastic something hitting the ground. More grumbling, and then a holler from behind the curtain separating the two rooms.

"Hold on, I'll be right with 'ya!"

The curtain was pulled back as an older fellow, curiously wearing sunglasses, made his way to behind the counter. He didn't even look up at his visitor; evidently brushing the remnants of some kind of food off the front of his shirt was more pressing than paying attention to a potential customer."Alrighty, what'cha need, stra-?OH." His expression softened as he caught sight of Wenzel. "If it isn't my favorite little loiterer. What's up, kid?"

He shrugged, finding the nearest ledge to prop himself up against as he began to indulge in his salted, toasted, bacon accented turkey swiss on rye,

“Oh, nothing much sir, I’m sure you can imagine. The usual, is all.” He wasn’t even sure if his hands had stopped shaking or not, but at the very least he could string his voice along as though he were just as casual as any other pedestrian on this lovely Tuesday (Tuesday? Wednesday...? T... Thursday?) afternoon, and not someone who had just seen a woman declared dead melt into strange, uncomfortable black goo,

“You’ve got a bull back there, or something? Sounded like a tussle.”

Rob took a seat himself behind the counter. He eyed the sandwich longingly, bet refrained from asking for a share; if his "work clothes" were any indicator, Wenzel didn't have much cash to his name and he didn't want to take what little he had.

"Mm-hmm. 'The usual'." He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms behind his back as he reclined back. If it weren't for his dark aviators Wenzel would've caught an exaggerated wink. "Y'know, if you're gonna pal around with that Insecura person you oughta bring 'em by sometime. If you're both gonna be out there getting your asses kicked it'd be nice to know who I've gotta put feelers out for if something goes sideways."

At the inquiry his whole demeanor changed, relaxed posture peeling away as his posture straightened up. "Well uh, you kinda caught me in the middle of... " He hastily closed his jacket to hide the spot on the front of his shirt. "-But that's enough about my day! How'd 'the usual' go?"

Wenzel was always very... Not good at being casual. Lying, maybe, but not being casual. His throat improperly closed around his salted, toasted, bacon accented turkey swiss on rye, and he coughed a few times, before taking a second to compose himself. His face twisted from surprise and fell straight to unamusement, but he still... Didn’t stop eating,

“We didn’t get our asses kicked, sir. And nothing's going any which way- it's not sideways, it's very straight." He paused to chuckle, "Well, maybe not, but we did good, we did a good job, and last I checked you weren’t there so you shouldn’t... Know anything about that in the first place-“ Another bite. He still didn’t feel good at all. Damn him and his stubbornness, he guessed,

“And if you want to know we did great. We solved the case and saved the day, it was great, we did very, well, sir.” For the circumstances.

Rob leaned against the counter, propped up on his elbows, as Wenzel went about defending himself and his friend. Mild concern settled over him, but for the most part he looked rather relaxed. "C'mon, kid, don't be like that. Getting kicked around isn't anything to be ashamed of. Some folks even think that's part of the fun." He shook his head as he said that last part. "Never understood that myself, but if you're gonna get beat up on a regular basis you might as well have fun with it I guess. ᶜᵃˡᵐ ᵈᵒʷⁿ, ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵍᵒᵗᵗᵃ ᶦ��ʰᵃˡᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ."

"'Case'? Now, that sounds interesting," he chirped, settling into his seat. "Go on, don't leave me hanging; it's been a while since I've been part of any kind of caper."

"The case..." He echoed, finally forcing himself to slow, folding up his lunch and placing it on his lap,

"Yes... Yes, our case, okay. So you've seen the news, haven't you? The news? A few weeks ago? The news? Because I barely watch the news, right, but it was on, so I sat through it for a little while-" He had a god awful habit of gesticulating every time he spoke too long. He looked more like a dragonslayer recounting his most recent quest than someone recalling any prior events,

"There was this one villain recently, Snow, or Winter, or something like that. And the news, right? The news said she'd been... Permanently apprehended. Found her body and stuck it in the ground and everything-" and then he added on, far quieter, "And I'd probably care a little more if she didn't almost skewer me in the heart-"

"I work with televisions and the like all day; you think I'd wanna plop down in front of one at the end of the day?"

He listened intently to Wenzel's accounts of recent events, humming along to more or less express how he felt about each point without needing to interrupt. "Wouldn't be the first time someone came back from the dead," he remarked when Wenzel was through. "That's just how things seem to go out there. If this is the first time you've dealt with that I guess that explains why you're shaking like a leaf over there." He thought he heard the kid mumble something, but figured it wasn't too important. "Was there anything... different about this 'Winter' gal after she came back?"

"I'm not shaking like a leaf..." He muttered, quietly, examining his shaking hands with scorn,

"But that's not the point- not the point. So we ran into her again, right? She was absolutely assaulting my new pal, so I came through and saved the day like a champ, for the most part. I figured Incisura had things taken care of, so I began to make my way down from the construction site- don't ask why I was up there it's fine- and then... I get down to the ground level and I..."

He hesitated, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to find the best phrasing of words with which to continue,

"She... Winter- or... She gave herself some dumb new name, I think; Permafrost, or something... She... She had run herself through. Just like that. She was dying on her own weapon- but not just that, she... She was melting. She just sat there on the ground and turned into a bubbling... Black puddle... No gore or anything, but I've never seen anything like it... Never felt anything like it- have you?"

Rob once again leaned back against the wall, this time deep in thought instead of relaxation as evidenced by his knitted brows and pursed lips. "So," he began after a minute or two, "You're saying she attacked you, failed, and then killed herself when she lost the upper hand? Hmm... My best guess would be an of L.M.D. of some kind - though I haven't seen any that melt into black goo before." He paused, rubbing his chin. "That might explain why she self-destructed, but generally L.M.D.s don't name themselves..."

He suddenly turned back to Wenzel. "Say, did either of you think to take a sample of that stuff? It's not exactly my style, but if either of you knows someone who does lab work that might narrow down what that gunk was. Tracking where something so distinct came from might help narrow down who made her."

"A sample, sir?" Sure, true, the man didn't quite see the occurrence first person. Didn't get a chance to feel the... Discomfort that came with approaching such a terrible substance. Still, though, it took him quite aback,

"What would I touch it with? My hands? I... Not only did that stuff look like it'd melt clean through my hand if i so much as poked it, but I don't know what it is... What it could do, y'know? It didn't feel right to even be near, let alone touch... I don't even know if it's still there... Or if it, like... Melted into the floor or something..."

"Of course you don't touch weird goo with your bare hands!" he suddenly exclaimed, shooting forward in his seat and slamming his hands onto the counter. "I know somebody who got turned into a sludge monster like that! He got better, but you wanna turn into a sludge monster? Or worse? No! You've gotta use a test tube or something."

He eased up a bit. "... Did it seriously melt into the floor?"

The loud sound clearly caught the kid by surprise, and almost instinctively his hands flew up to around the same height as his head and face. To protect himself, perhaps? Wasn’t quite sure. Wasn’t as though he’d do anything, or at least not to his knowledge. What he was certain of, though, is that not just his hands had been shaking now.

He swallowed before speaking, mouth suddenly a little dryer than he would like it to be,

“N-no sir... N... No I don’t wanna be sludge- I’m sorry, sir...”

Damn it. He was just trying to make a point; he hadn't meant to scare the kid. Now it looked like he was so scared he might not even remember. He sighed and slumped over on the counter a little, trying to look annoyed - though it was at least a little obvious he felt pretty guilty over frightening Wenzel.

"Look, kid, as long as you don't go around poking at weird stuff you'll be fine, okay? Just didn't want to catch some news that something happened to 'ya that could've been avoided, y'know?"

He thought about himself as sludge for a little while. Creeping along the floor like a slug, being generally mindless and discomforting. He didn’t quite like to think about that. He preferred being not-sludge, and sentient, and general the lanky, fleshy kid he was. However, the only thing he could pass down from his head to his lips is another gentle echo of ‘sludge monster...’ before his phone gave a loud buzz.

The screen lit up with a notification - it was from Wren. Wenzel. Are you feeling alright?

Honestly, looked like he could have jumped right out of his skin, but fumbled for it just to take a quick sort of glance at who would even decide to talk to him in the first place... Only to find Wren’s name. He tapped but a quick response before one could object,

Just shaken, still, but not hurt or anything. You?

The man at the counter was also startled by the sudden noise. If one had been paying attention they might've noticed a quick static charge go through his hair. He quickly recomposed himself, grumbling as he smoothed his hair back down, before addressing the matter.

"Hey, that's that li'l friend of yours, right? Tell 'em I said 'hi' and 'thanks for helping keep your butt safe'." He briefly looked away, taking his turn to mumble to himself. 'ᵏⁿᵒʷ, ᴵ ʳᵉᵃˡˡʸ ᵒᵘᵍʰᵗᵃ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵐʸˢᵉˡᶠ ᵃⁿᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵒⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵒˢᵉ; ᵃᶜᶜᶦᵈᵉⁿᵗᵃˡˡʸ ᶠʳᶦᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ˡᵃˢᵗ ᵒⁿᵉ... -Anyways," he piped up after turning back to Wenzel, "I apologize in advance for being nosy, but is that about anything I can know?"

He opened his mouth to grant the man a response, before the phone buzzed again in his hands, and he looked down.

The "..." to indicate that Wren was typing started and stopped a few times. ... I've been feeling. Strange. Maybe you were right about that goo.

In an instant color was drained from his face, and he furiously began typing yet again, beginning to pace back and forth, muttering under his breath,

I told you not to touch that stuff I told you! What did you even do, taste it?! Aren't you a doctor can't you just go get some medicine juice or something??

He licked his lips, finally looking back up at Rob again,

"Okay, so don't freak out, but my friend... Likes to put things in their mouth sometimes, and I thi-"

"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF- SERIOUSLY?!" he barked, jumping to his feet and suddenly not caring if he terrified Wenzel. "RULE NUMBER ONE: DON'T TOUCH THE WEIRD GOO - LET ALONE EAT THE WEIRD GOO!”

He began pacing, infuriation giving way to panic. "Oh man, this is bad - really bad." He stopped in his tracks and turned on his heel to face Wenzel. "Please tell me you were talking about something else - or that they're not turning into some kind of mutant or something!"

"Listen- listen! They drink like, blood? I think? That's how they make their crazy swwwshswooshbsswwwrr powers work, right? So maybe they didn't eat the goo, but if they tasted the blood it could have also been bad news- but maybe not as bad! Maybe not as b-"

His phone buzzed again, I didn't eat the goo! But I did take some of her blood and it tasted... funky.

... Does that count? This is quite concerning. And there might have been some vapors, so I was concerned that you might feeling this... this. - I don't know how to describe it - as well. Perhaps I'll try to sleep it off.

And Wenzel was back to it again like a moth to flame, typing in the same rushed manner he had been previously,

GET TO A DOCTOR DON'T GO TO SLEEP THAT'S HOW PEOPLE DIE IN THE MOVIES. GO TO THE DOCTOR OR SOMETHING JUST DON'T BE AN IDIOT AND SLEEP. I'm FINE because I don't drink strangers' blood but YOU'RE probably NOT OKAY!!!

"Oh my God, you found a vampire, didn't you? Have you ever seen-?" Suddenly aware he was starting to get off-topic Rob stopped himself right there. "Y'know what? Doesn't matter."

"If you gotta run go ahead. I'll check in with some acquaintances in the meantime - see if I can dig up some dirt on these weird L.M.D.s."

A series of notifications popped up on Wenzel's phone.

You know I AM a doctor, right? And I don't think this is very.... precedented. I doubt anyone I know is an expert in the field. Anyways. I'm very tired. Maybe dissociating a bit. Things don't feel real right now...

"Oh god oh god oh god-" Wenzel swallowed, which was rather difficult what with the giant lump stuck in it, shoving his phone in his pocket with little delay,

"I have to go sir I have to go- my friend doesn't look too good... I..." He nervously licked his lips, "I gotta go-!" He dashed towards the door for a moment, before halting, as though he forgot something critical. He fished in his other pocket, producing a twenty and a couple of cents from his pocket,

"That's for listening to my dumb word vomit no take backs bye-!"

The older gentleman didn't say a word as Wenzel frantically made his way out of the store, only nodding in understanding. When the boy left he quietly locked the door and flipped the sign in the window to its "closed" position before slipping into the back room once more.

__

:3c

[agent-barnes40]

The Small Stark. (Father!Tony Stark x Child Female Daughter)

This will follow the storyline from the beginning of The Avengers and end with Endgame, possibly. By the time this story is over everyone has probably already seen Endgame so there's really no worry.

THAT’S MY GIRL

Chapter Characters: Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Caitlyn Stark, Loki Odinson, Thor Odinson, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Nick Fury, Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton.

Movies: The Avengers, references to Iron Man 2.

  Caitlyn Stark was resting alongside her father’s secretary sorry, his lover, as Virginia “Pepper” Potts informed her father about how it was operating in Stark Tower. The man was currently making the tower operate flawlessly on natural energy, just like the man's Ark Reactor. Pepper observed out the massive windows that stretched across the wall, observing for any sign of the Iron Man suit.

"You disconnected the transition lines?  Are we off the grid?" The strawberry-haired woman inquired, glancing up at the ceiling as she strolled over to where she had poured the champagne inside two champagne glasses and a glass of Sprite for the nine-year-old.

Tony's grin could be distinguished in his reply. "Stark Tower is about to become a beacon of self-sustaining clean energy." His little girl, Caitlyn, was elated, understanding that her father, who was her hero, was lastly getting something that he wanted. Her brown tresses were rushing about her head while she impatiently bounced in her spot, next to the couch.

Pepper regarded the girl with a grin, before responding to Tony. "Wow. So maybe our reactor takes over and it actually works?" Her inquiry was purely sarcastic as she was ready to hit the button to illuminate the tower.

"I assume. Light her up." Tony replied, observing the building as it lit up as the message STARK lit up, causing the man to smile.

TIME SKIP

Caitlyn was transported with her father to the helicarrier and completely geeked at the sight of several people that she had learned about with her father. She rapidly headed over to Steve Rogers and held out her hand. The girl had put herself in the most professional outfit she had.

"Caitlyn Stark, great to meet you, Captain Rogers. I've heard nothing but great news about you." The 6'2 man was surprised at the fact that such a small girl could essentially hold so much power by just saying her last name. Steve quickly stooped down to shake her hand. When he rose, Agent Romanoff, Director Fury, and Phil were observing them.

The small girl identified Agent Romanoff and her face lit up, and rushed over toward her, bouncing in her spot, mimicking the way her father was with Bruce. "Natasha! I missed you."

Natasha plucked up the small girl and embraced her. Natasha and Caitlyn had a link, ever since 2010, when Tony had gotten ordered to shut down for primarily dying and the whole Stark Expo fiasco. The bridge had gone still, inspecting the two girls embrace and Tony exploding into laughter at the sight. Ultimately, the bridge went quiet and the girls withdraw from each other and Nick Fury commenced a conference with "The Avengers."

Caitlyn had decided to go investigate and discovered where Loki was, and she lingered by the entrance as she gazed at him. The god acknowledged that the small girl was observing him and he turned and watched her. "Stark's offspring, are you not?"

The girl smiled and nodded, her mind filtering out the voice that was telling her that he was a villain, she saw the anguish behind his green orbs. She wandered up the stairs and relaxed in front of the cage. "Why are you in here?"

The-would-be-king laughed a tiny bit, the laugh sounding more like a chuckle more than anything. "Thor pushed me off the Bifrost to my death."

The girl gasped, wholly believing him, as Loki was a truly exalted liar. The god rested on the bench in the cage and gazed at her. "I can't fathom why my daddy trusts him."

Loki agreed, a taught smile on his face, shaping the little girl as much as he could without the scepter, because if he had Stark's offspring, perhaps his plans would operate flawlessly until Natasha Romanoff strolled in.

"Caitlyn! Your father is looking for you." The red-head exclaimed as she stepped in, grasping the little girl's hand and began to haul her out of the room. Caitlyn fought her, it was evident that she wanted nothing to do with her.

"No!"

The girl fought the woman and Loki spoke up, acting frightened of what the woman could possibly do to the small human. "She's just interrogating, Agent Romanoff, nothing dangerous."

Natasha still pulled the little girl out of the room and pushed her into the arms of one Phillip Coulson, who took her to Tony and Bruce. Tony scooped her up into his arms and waited for "Agent" to disappear. Tony sat her down and looked her in the eyes. "What'd you find out?"

Bruce looked alarmed. "What? You used your own child to find out secrets about SHIELD?"

Caitlyn giggled as she listened to the two of them. The girl watched as they bickered until the team started forming into the room. Natasha gazed at her before concentrating back onto the situation as the little girl hurried out of the room and back to Loki's cage.

Loki grinned at her as he stood outside of his cage, as the action suddenly picked up. The helicarrier began to tilt to its side as she clutched onto him. "LOKI!"

Terror was unmistakably in her cry as she clung onto him, horrified that the helicarrier was going to go down. The god squeezed her hand as Thor raced into the room, as a Loki clone was standing in the cage doorway.

"NO!" The god screams and lunged toward the Loki clone. Loki appeared next to the machinery with the big red button and standing beside him was Caitlyn who was waving at him with a soft smile but hurt eyes.  Thor looked notably distressed and disoriented.

"Are you ever not going to fall for that?" Loki questioned, watching Thor, as another SHIELD agent walked in, completely unruffled and stood at the doorway, watching the scene but stood straighter when they noticed Caitlyn Stark in the room.

"The humans think us immortal. Should we test that?" Loki asked, glancing downward as Caitlyn lurked behind his legs, watching as the Shield Agent fell. Phil Coulson strolled in and observed the small girl.

"Move away please, and give up Caitlyn," Phil said, as Loki pushed Caitlyn toward him, Loki then moved away from the stand. Phil looked as if he had made a feat. "You like this? We started working on the prototype after you sent The Destroyer. Even I don't know what it does. Do you wanna find out?"

Abruptly, the Loki near the control panel disappears and the real Loki is standing behind Phil and stabs him in the heart, as Caitlyn stood beside him, just watching before going and pressing the big red button and dropping a grief-stricken, screaming Thor.

Loki grabbed Caitlyn and the girl pulled her hand away from him before kneeling beside Phil. “I need to defend him, I’m sorry.”

Caitlyn got up and then strutted beside Loki, smirking up at him. The two traveled for the tower after strutting onto the aircraft that will take them to Stark Tower. Loki glanced down at her after she got strapped in.

“Do you think you can get us in?” Loki questioned as the girl nodded. “Jar has my retina scan. He can get us in.”

The god tilted his head, silently asking who “Jar” is. The girl giggled. “J.A.R.V.I.S. Just A Rather Very Intelligent System. He’s an A.I. that my father created, he’s the one who named me.”

Loki nodded and the girl went quiet, looking around. She jerked as she saw the aircraft change and a large man sat on a chair, staring at her before she blinked and the aircraft interior changed back into the aircraft interior. Loki tilted his head, he had seen her eyes widen along with the blue glow. “What’d you see?”

Caitlyn shook her head. “I didn't see anything. It's the imagination of the Starks.”

Loki recognized that she was lying but didn't follow into it. He glanced around as they landed. Caitlyn unfastened herself and stepped into the building, greeting the camera. “Don't despair, Jar, Loki and Selvig are okay.”

“Ms. Stark, Loki is wanted along with Erik Selvig. Are you positive?” Jarvis requested and the girl approved. “They are just fine, they're guests.”

Jarvis admitted the two men in with the 9-year-old girl. Caitlyn relaxed on the couch as Erik headed to the roof and Loki got ready for the next three or four hours. Caitlyn sauntered over to the bar and checked it, grinning as the Iron Man wristbands were in sight.

The girl jolted as she glanced out the window, feeling and hearing the tower’s arc reactor shut down. Loki turned and peered at her, stalking over to her. “What did you do!?”

The girl flinched and stepped back. “Jarvis must've done this. I didn't. I don't have access to the controls.”

Loki snarled and stalked outside, seeing Iron Man near the tower. Tony lands and as his suit is deconstructed, he walks through into the tower penthouse, regarding Loki carefully. Loki walked in as well. Caitlyn sat down near the elevator, watching her father. Tony made his way toward the bar, using an above walkway to it. Loki walked toward the bar. "Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity."

"Uh- actually, I’m planning to threaten you," Tony said, obviously semi-distracted by Caitlyn watching him while sitting on the couch near where the Mark Seven would deploy from. Loki chuckled, smirking. "You should have left your armor on for that."

Tony continued walking to the bar. "Yeah, it’s seen a bit of mileage. You’ve got the uh- blue stick of destiny. Would you like a drink?"

Loki smirked. "Stalling me won’t change anything."

Caitlyn started to stand up. "No, no, no- threatening. No drink? You sure? I’m having one." Tony said, looking toward Caitlyn.

"The Chitauri are coming, nothing will change that. What have I to fear?" Loki inquired, turning to look at Caitlyn, who positioned herself in front of the elevator.

Tony shrugged a small bit. "The Avengers. It’s what we call ourselves, sort of like a team. ’Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’ type of thing."

Caitlyn quietly scoffed, her very tiny body barely covering the elevator. Loki chuckled softly. "Yes, I've met them."

Tony stilled for a moment, pretending to think. "Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I’ll give you that one. But, let’s do a headcount here. Your brother, the Demi-God;"

Tony looked down and put on the wrist bands as Loki turned to face the wall of windows. "A super-soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and you, big fella, you’ve managed to piss off every single one of them."

Loki smirked. "That was the plan."

Tony started stepping to the middle of the penthouse, walking to where Loki was. "Not a great plan. When they come, and they will, they’ll come for you."

Loki's smirk stayed in place. "I have an army."

Tony raised a brow. "We have a hulk."

Loki's voice gained a lilt of curiosity. "Oh, I thought the beast had wandered off."

Tony's eyebrows abruptly furrowed. "Yeah- you’re missing the point. There’s no throne, there is no version of this, where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it’s too much for us, but it’s all on you. ’Cause if we can’t protect the earth, you can be damned well sure we’ll avenge it."

Loki turned, walking over to Tony, pulling up the scepter. "How will your friends have time for me, when they’re so busy fighting you?"

Caitlyn watched as Loki tapped the tip of the scepter onto Tony's Arc Reactor. Caitlyn watched with bated breath, as nothing happened. "This usually works."

Tony shrugged, looking confused. "Well, performance issues. You know?"

Caitlyn let out a cry of fear, watching as Loki grabbed Tony's throat, his nails digging into his face as he tossed the man across the room. "JARVIS, anytime now!"

Loki strutted over and grabbed Tony again. "You will all fall before me."

Tony stared up into the god's face. "JARVIS. Deploy."

Loki tossed Tony out the window and Caitlyn screamed, running for the window, only for Loki to curl his arms around her and roughly pull her to his body. "No, infant."

Tony freaked out as he screamed for Jarvis to deploy the Mark Seven. Loki swiftly pulled Caitlyn and himself back as the Mark Seven deployed. The two lied on the ground, however, Caitlyn was limp beside the god, who had gotten up. Tony floated up back to the broken window and glared at the god, Jarvis trying to alert him to Caitlyn's condition. "And there’s one other person you pissed off! His name was Phil."

Tony repulser blasts Loki and the entire building shakes as the device that Selvig had managed to power up on the roof of Stark Tower. Loki had been tossed back and hit a wall, groaning softly. Tony shot up and started firing at the invading Chitauri.

TIME SKIP

Hulk tossed Loki around like a ragdoll, before noticing the whimpering of a child. Caitlyn was curled up under the bar, silently crying as she heard everything. She flinched when she heard and felt the thundering footsteps of the Hulk, the large being looked down at her, seeing the multiple amounts of liquor bottles lying on the floor and spilling. The cabinet doors were open and barely being held shut by Caitlyn. She didn't want to make a noise but eventually made one when she had to shift, her legs going numb and she didn't know if it was because of the amount of blood that was circling her thigh or not.

Caitlyn had been pierced by multiple large shards of glass. Hulk tried to gently open the doors, knowing a child that Banner knew was inside there. He regarded the lake of blood and suddenly arose, crashing his way out of the tower and to the dilapidated streets beneath. He howled loudly as he tried to get the attention of anyone on the ground, to acquire aid for Caitlyn. People just ignored him.

TIME SKIP

Loki knew that the battle had ended, but he slowly got up and tried to limp his way to Caitlyn, the little girl had slowly crawled out of the bar and screamed as she saw Loki, she remembered everything that she did. Loki collapsed on the ground, leaning on the steps.

The Avengers suddenly pointed all their weapons at him and Tony faltered when he heard the sobbing of his little girl. He hurried over to her, commanding to Jarvis to collapse the suit, which fell to the ground in a heap of metal and he encompassed his little girl in a hug, although, he pulled away when he heard her cry harder and quietly yelp in pain.

He lied her down and swore at the sight of the massive glass pieces embedded into her leg, that he was sure had cut into the muscle, and the cuts that littered her face. Caitlyn grabbed his face. "I thought you were dead.."

Tony chuckled, his eyes watery. "Honey, oh, baby girl, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to worry you.” 

Caitlyn clung onto Tony as they moved around and Tony sat her on his hip, while still in the suit. Loki smirked and shifted to look like Steve when Thor whipped out a mouth guard and shoved it onto Loki’s face and he shifted back into himself. Caitlyn giggled a small bit but stopped when she looked at herself in the reflection of the broken floor. Hulk watched the small girl and tried to smile at her, only making Tony tighten his grip on the child. 

Caitlyn just waved at the big, green being in front of her. She pushed her self into the Mark Seven however and trying to keep herself away from any more danger and pain.