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adaptacy · 1 year ago

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A Found Flame {Pt.4}

Pairing: Mentor!Gale Dekarios x Apprentice!GN!Reader

(Previous Chapter) – (Next Chapter) ➔ (AO3)

A/N: forgot to mention this in ANY of the previous parts but i do have a silly spotify playlist for this silly man. includes a LOT of hozier because... i mean.... y'all know exactly why. (Link)

Word Count: 5.9k

“I’m not sure that I’m understanding.” You frown, leaning against his desk, raising a hand to scratch at your head, combing over his words once more, trying to make sense of them through whatever means necessary. “You’re going on a trip? You? Gale Dekarios? Mister stays-in-his-tower-all-day, the same man who sends me just to fetch fresh water?” You laugh, truly figuring he was joking. That, maybe, he was trying to play you for a fool – and yet he looked so terribly solemn, the opposition an unsettling sight, and his expression only served to further disorient you.

“Yes, the Wizard of Waterdeep is leaving his tower. I know such a feat is quite unimaginable, but I assure you, I speak with complete honesty. I have matters to attend to that require my presence elsewhere. I’ll be leaving you to the tower, though you won’t be completely on your own. Tara will remain here by your side,” he explains, running a hand through his hair. His hand pauses when it rests on his hairline, holding back the front strands to clear his view, and he looks down at the hide pack grasped in his left hand. He angles his head back up at his bookshelf, pondering which of the story is most necessary to bring along with him.

“Damn, it wasn’t the flowers, was it?” You chuckle awkwardly, breaking your attention away from your mentor to look at the flowers you’d picked yesterday, showing their first signs of wilting despite sitting in a vase of fresh water. You had only Gale’s misfortune with plants to blame. He hadn’t opened up last night, despite your ambitions, but they’d brought a smile – and the faintest of blushes – to his face, and that was good enough. Though now in retrospect the offering-slash-gift seemed a little too forward, and your attempt at a joke stemmed from the mildest of insecurities that maybe the indigo petals had given him the wrong idea and rendered him uncomfortable.

“Pardon?” He asks, standing up straight again, his backpack hanging loosely from the curled fingers that held it, and you look back at him, meeting his gaze. You can’t quite place the reasoning behind why your stomach sinks, but there’s no mistaking the discomfort of a growing pit in your abdomen. There’s a nearly mystical forlornness in the creases on his face, and his eyes appear dim; you’re sure it isn’t the lighting in the room that makes them out to be so cheerless, as he faces the sun and it lights his features up in all ways except emotionally.

“Is everything okay, Mr. Dekarios?” You ask, your tone quiet and more anxious than you mean to let on. No longer leaning so casually against his desk, you dare to take a step towards him, head craning to the left as you search his eyes, though you only find them to be harshly guarded from your inspection.

“There’s truly no need for such formalities,” he replies, straightening out his posture and taking in a quick breath, a dreadfully forced smile replacing the careful line that his lips had been forming. He lifts the backpack, jostling it, and nods his head. “I’m alright. Well, save for the slightest traces of stress, if I may be so daringly sincere as to admit it.”

You pause your approach, not wanting to scare him should he prove skittish if you get too close, and you fold your hands behind your back, glancing at the contents of the traveling pack he holds. You can’t see much, but you are able to make out the off-white cylindrical shape of a scroll. “Might I inquire why it is that you’re feeling stressed? If you know why, that is.”

Gale contemplates the request, a commonly seen – at least on Gale – introspective expression knitting his eyebrows, urging you to remain patient as he crafts a response. Eventually, he concentrates on you again, subconsciously dipping his head. “I expect the trip to be a long one, is all. I fear I’ll miss this sentimental belfry. As dusty and aged as it is, I’ve spent countless hours inside of these walls – If it weren’t for Tara, I’m quite sure I would’ve made friends of the bricks and family of the columns long ago,” he muses, his sarcasm tainted with uneasy contrition.

“Well, you know it’ll be waiting for you whenever you come back. If it makes you feel better, I’ll keep my perfect fire bolts to my own trained hands until I have you to supervise me again,” you laugh, tone purposefully parodic to lighten the mood, but the older man quickly shakes his head.

“Oh, gods, no – you’ll be doing no such thing,” he forbids, his immediate frown quickly softening out of instinct, as though he means to hide how serious his disapproval is. “You proceed with your studies and your practice, even if it is only Tara who can be present to guide you. I expect the flame to be perfected upon my next arrival,” he chuckles, and you find peace in his relaxation. Unfortunately, his pleasant expression is momentary, and the amusement in his smile fades as quickly as it came, leaving you with an unfamiliar turmoil in your gut, some twisting mix of doubt and rue.

Intent on making said amusement return, you don’t allow your own dissatisfaction to reveal itself, instead choosing to gloss over the strange ache by shrugging and rolling your eyes, further pursuing your playful façade. “Well, with you as my mentor, I’m certain I’m already on my merry little way to being the next Mystra – I’ll most definitely have a seat at the table of gods by the time you return.” Your lighthearted tease earns a quick cringe from the wizard, the outer corners of his eyes creasing as he virtually recoils, and then chokes out a fractured chuckle, shifting his gaze to the left.

Before you can ask what agitated him to the extent of deserving such a reaction, he speaks, the distress forcefully plucked from his face. “Beware – that’s quite the promise you’re making. Though it would be nothing short of an honor for this old stone nest to have hosted a premature god.”

“A bigger honor to have mentored one, no?” You remind him, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’ll be pleased so long as you manage to remember me, even once you’ve reached such admirable degrees of power. Praise my name to the high heavens – should you be so inclined.”

Why his response feels so incredibly despondent, you can’t really place. His tone takes on a strange, distant hurt – as though he were dejected by the mere idea of your potential (though rather improbable) apotheosis. However, such an attitude from the man who was, himself, mentored and sponsored by the very goddess you so jokingly threatened is… certainly implausible – it has to be – so you brush off the feeling as nothing more than a result of his unrelated stresses accidentally bleeding into this topic. Clearing your throat, you approach him, and the next expression on his face comes in the form of suspicion, though whatever mild paranoia might be cursing him isn’t strong enough to convince him to step away from you. Once comfortably close, maybe even a little too close, you look to the books decorating the dark wood shelf, pouting as you contemplate. “Fiction?”

Even if it does take him a second to process what you mean, he nods, clearing his own throat and shifting his attention to the variety of options, all of them being books he’s read far more than once, but familiarity never did keep him from enjoying the plots, or so he liked to tell you. “Indeed. I’m aiming for something to keep me company in the case of free time. Stories tend to pass that time quicker than studies, and… I’d rather leave any education material behind – for you, of course.”

“Do you plan on having a lot of free time during your trip?” You ask, merely aiming to keep the conversation up as you scan his choices, weighing the possibilities as you try to imagine what he may enjoy rereading the most.

“In all truthfulness, it may only be free time that I find myself with,” he sighs, a quiet thump following his admission, and you look down towards the noise to find his travel pack now resting on the ground. Slumped, and open wider than it was previously, the contents are revealed to your prying eyes; the silver glint of a blade, the scroll you saw previously, a jeweled ring that glows with a faint orange, and at the very bottom is a lazily-wrapped bedroll, haphazardly stuffed into the pit of the bag. You expected to find a change of clothes, a little bit of gold for wherever he plans to visit, but find only an absence of what you deemed traveling necessities.

“Where are you going?”

Turning your body reveals that Gale had moved across the room while you were investigating his package, and now he stood hovering over his desk, one palm flat against the surface. You were left only to watch the back of his head as he chose to gaze out at his balcony rather than meet your curious – and very concerned – stare. You know something is wrong, you’ve known all along, and you’d thought, or at least very desperately hoped you were overreacting. At least then you could ignore your aimless quells and instead put that energy towards cheering him up and making things better, but you are quickly realizing that whatever disturbs him is far outside of your pay grade, and understanding your hopelessness as an assistant is no help in overcoming his contagious dread. “North,” he answers, devoid of emotional attachment, his tone as dry as his throat. You shift your weight from your right hip to your left, an idle adjustment to bear whatever burdens he carries, aiming to prepare yourself for where this conversation could be leading.

“And… what exactly is waiting for you up north?” Your body moves forward in a slow three-step stride, your action haunted by the same hesitancy you exercised upon first meeting him, as if you don’t know the man who stands in front of you now.

“Solidarity.” He inhales, slow and restrained. Then his head drops, releasing that same breath. He continues; “You’re a good soul. A fine housemate – an even better apprentice. You deserve transparency, but I’ve allowed our conversations to remain fogged by my own guilty conscience. Of course, all secrecy has really done is riddle me with more guilt, and yet I prolonged your innocence.”

“I’m… not following,” you speak tenderly, the tension rising both in the air around you and in your throat, grieving whatever confession he teases before he’s even announced it.

“I won’t be returning. This trip will be my last. Due only to my own faults – there is no blame to be shared, before you ask.” He stares down at his desk, but then his focus shifts, and he watches your frame out of the corner of his eye, head just barely turned to see more of you in his peripherals. “I understand I’m asking a lot of you. To abruptly entrust you with the care of this tower, and my belongings, and darling Tara, it is a callous and inhuma–”

“Why?”

Gale falls silent, his mouth closing, his preplanned defense never making it off of his tongue. There’s stillness for far too long, neither of you managing a word. It makes you wonder if he’s trying to be cruel, leaving your mind to its wandering, silently panicked thoughts. You can’t help but begin trying to decipher the codes in his body language, in the interactions you’ve had with him recently, in the hints of his teachings gone unsaid, or in the secrets he’s never shared.

Just as you find yourself on a cliff’s edge of emotions, throat stinging with the urge to cry, your mentor stands up straight and approaches you, stopping when he’s a few inches away. He reaches for your wrist. He holds it, tenderly, the delicacy of his touch posing a silent request. Only after investigating the melancholy hazel of his eyes do you lift your wrist towards him, allowing him to guide it until you find yourself in a distantly familiar position.

He stands before you, holding your wrist in the space between your bodies while his spare hand takes a hold of the neckline of his robe, sliding it several inches down his chest, revealing the full mark of the weave, scattered brown hairs hardly shielding the brand from exposure. From there, he raises your wrist a little higher, and you recall the last time he allowed you to get this close, the memory leading you to straighten your hand and lay it against the pulse of the blight. Your touch is gentle at first, but when he gives a small nod, you ease your concerns and press more firmly, feeling the surprising softness of his skin, the texture of the hairs on his chest, and the distant beating of his tortured heart.

Last time, you recall being mildly surprised at the heat it produced, as it had been centralized in such a small location. This time, you feel the artificial warmth radiating off of his chest from further regions than just the pinpoint location of the orb. And it’s much higher in temperature than you remember, his ribs home to a silently raging furnace. You can’t help but feel intimidated – not by Gale, but instead by what he contains. It beats much like his heart, but it’s slower, and yet even more determined. While you hardly understand why, you feel connected to a starving malice within him, some inhuman spirit that seeks a meal you aren’t sure truly exists, at least not in this realm.

You look up at him, his eyes trained on the hand that rests on his chest. You’ve never seen worry so clearly displayed on his face; his eyebrows aren’t furrowed, but they’re firm, drawing faint lines in his forehead. His mouth doesn’t frown, it idles, waiting for the words to come to him before he makes any attempt to speak. His story is told in his eyes; the way he counts your fingers as they stem a connection with the weave, grounding himself in the stir of emotions, his gaze troubled and lost, nothing more than a clueless shell of the powerful sage he makes himself out to be. The powerful sage he’d made you believe in.

“It is the only god I answer to.” Gale meets your eye, the emotions that swirl behind his irises cause them to tremble, and you feel as though he seeks something from you. “It is all that I am; a vessel for the weave. I cannot run, I cannot hide, I cannot escape it. Try as I might to keep it satisfied, there is always more that it craves. This wildfire within me will reign carnage unforeseen by any prophecies, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it. The artefacts – they hold it back, but I’ve found it burns with newfound impatience. It wills for destruction, whether it be the body of the host or of those around me. As difficult a choice as it is to make, it is an inevitable one, and I much prefer the former of my options. I’d rather no books be written about the Wizard of Waterdeep than bard’s fables on the extirpation caused by his shameful gluttony.”

“So you’re going north?” You whisper.

“So I’m going north,” he repeats. “I’ll travel until I reach empty plains, perhaps even uninhabited mountains. Some place quiet, some place lonely, some place where my curse will not befall others. This is my fate, and mine alone. I only pray that my final chapter is selfless enough to rewrite Selûne’s judgment of me.”

“Why haven’t you told me any of this before?”

Gale hesitates, and you see the ridge in his throat flinch as he gulps. “I thought it to be a mercy; to spare you from the truth was to spare you wholly. In hindsight, I recognize that this cat would claw its way out of the bag no matter the precautions I took, and my secrecy ultimately worked against my intentions – which I assure you, were nothing but the best – to protect you. Recently, if I may confess, I’ve come to doubt my decision to take you in.”

Your eyebrows flinch, you blink, unsure how you should respond – unsure how he expects you to respond. “Doubt?” You ask, deciding to allow him to share his story before you form an opinion on the matter.

“I believe I was desperate – not that I was fearful,” he clarifies, though the thin, watery line that sits on his lower eyelid betrays his defense, “but I reckon I didn’t think over my original promise to you as thoroughly as I should have. The truth is, I needed a second life. A chance to extend my own through a means that I understand, and have always understood, to be impossible – ambitious at best. I worry for Tara. I worry for this home. I worry for the secrets contained in my journals, or the studies that I have spent my entire lifetime, as short as it will soon be, perfecting and building. I yearned for an insurance; a way to prevent my existence from being a worthless one. If my intelligence enlightens no minds, if my studies save no lives, if my talent manipulating the weave means nothing, then I am nothing. I only wish to be more than a mere vessel for this scourge in my chest.” He pauses, his gentle hold on your wrist growing a bit firmer, and he closes his eyes, as though ashamed of the confessions he whispers. “My worries led me to you, believing you to be the answer to them. I never could have predicted that you would become my greatest worry of all.”

Now, you let your lips curve into a frown, and he seems further wounded by your physical reaction. “More than a vessel? That’s–” You can’t prevent a scoff from leaving your throat, and you shake your head. “You’re not just the orb, Gale. You’re a person. You were a man before it, and you’re still a man now, aren’t you?”

Gale’s hurt turns to confusion, and he shakes his head as well. “You’re not understanding.”

“No, I’m not,” you cut back, disbelief clear in your tone. “You’re the Wizard of Waterdeep. You act like you’ve never done anything of importance.” You retract your hand, and Gale is hesitant to release his grip, but he does nonetheless. “What are you even running from? If you want to make a difference, then stay and make one. Did you eat a bad meal? Are you seriously thinking straight?” You question, brows furrowed.

“Your words flatter me, but I fear I haven’t made myself clear. I can’t stay. This mistake is not a mere embarrassment, this is not just an attempt to flee from my problem. There is no avoiding this fate. I’m going to die.”

It’s unlike you to feel genuine frustration – anger – at a situation, especially one brought on by Gale’s words, but you can’t help the near boil in your chest. “You sound pathetic,” you huff, and Gale’s lack of insult only irritates you further. “Look around, Gale! Look at you.” You point at the black circle on his chest, prodding it with your finger. “You told me, when we first met, that you were a prodigy. That you were a master of the weave. I mistook you for arrogant, but that was being modest. You were, you are, Mystra’s chosen – who are you talking about now? Because I know it’s not the Gale Dekarios who has sheltered me, taught me, and supported me. I know it’s not the Gale Dekarios I’ve shared books and home with for the last year and a half.”

“You sound like my mother,” he chuckles, as if anything about the situation is amusing. “I’ve heard this speech before. You need not waste your breath on an inevitable doom such as myself. Please, save it. There are much better words to spend your time crafting.” He doesn’t scold you, he doesn’t defend himself, he merely deflects your disagreement, and you scoff – you’ve heard self-deprecation from him before, all of the prior remarks being attempts at humor, but there’s no sarcasm lacing his tongue this time around.

“Do I mean nothing to you?” You ask, stern, barely keeping composure.

That question seems to stir something within him, and he frowns. “Of course you mean something to me. You mean plenty to me – more than you may ever understand. Don’t be foolish.”

“Yet you keep refusing to hear me out.”

“There is nothing to hear out,” he argues, a short sigh leaving his lips, signs of a growing irritation. You feel the need to latch onto that – to see him get angry means that he cares, and you needed to know that he cared, because he spoke about his own death as if it held the same importance as a simple meal. Like this suicide mission he threatened was a mere walk in the woods. It made you sick.

“Grant me an audience, if you care. Even if you don’t care about yourself – if you care for me, as you’ve said you do, all I ask is that you listen.”

“There is no changing what I’ve been afflicted with – there is no undoing this curse I’ve wrought upon myself,” he continues, taking a step back and closing his eyes, searching for some kind of calm. If he believed you would grant him that mercy when he refused to have any mercy on you, he was more of an idiot than you’d ever expected.

“You’re being unreasonable. For such an intelligent man, you’re closer to a jester than any wizard I’ve ever known. You are not just this curse – You are a scholar, and an accomplished sage, and a friend, and a son, and a mentor!”

“For the love of all that is blessed – stop talking!” He barks, shaking his head, his eyes squinted, his stress forming shallow lines across his forehead. He takes a moment, breathes, and then opens his eyes again and steps forward, placing his hands on your shoulders as though to steady you. “No matter your words, I am still a threat to every living being around me. The orb is unstable, I know this for a fact. I am living on borrowed time. Should I stay, I risk leveling the entirety of this city we call home and dousing it in a thick red paste that was once the breathing civilians. I have studied this feat, and all that may relate to it in even the slightest parallels, and there is no solution. No amount of words – read or heard – can prevent fate. Yell and bicker to your heart’s content, but know that it will all amount to nothing.”

“You speak without a care in the world for yourself. Aren’t you scared?” You’re pleading at this point, unable to grasp the idea that he’ll be gone so soon, that this disappearance has been building for as long as you’d known him and yet you remained utterly unaware. It was the content of nightmares, and yet he stared you in the face with such assurance.

“I am terrified,” he sighs, grip tightening on your shoulders. “But I must trust destiny’s path for me. I will walk this road alone, just as I truly deserve. Your ‘great mentor’ is no more than a shell of a mortal man, and I have survived off of my greed alone. I could not be content with everything Mystra so graciously offered me, and I am facing the consequences of that naivety.”

“What are you talking about?” Again, you shake your head – you aren’t sure what else to do. You’re completely lost, unable to help the man you pledged your allegiance to. The man who took you in, who looked after you and asked only for your assistance in return for his undying generosity, is in need of assistance and you, his only trusted assistant, are completely unable to help him. It feels cruel, to him and to yourself.

“Mystra was not merely my mentor. She was everything to me. My entire world revolved around her, and to an extent, it still does – She guided me to possess the wonders of the weave in ways I never imagined possible, and did it all while allowing me to share a bed with her, and find a place within her heart. I owe my life, body, and soul to her, and yet I was not pleased with the power she lent me.”

Only further confused, you blink several times, his words finding your mind a difficult place to settle in with the tornado of thoughts and feelings that raged within your skull. “You– You were her lover?”

“I understand it’s hard to believe, a mere mortal man laying with her holiness, and it only deepens the canyon that is my regret. I believed I could prove my undying love for her through means no other mortal has ever even dared of imagining. Well, through means only one other man has ever dared attempting. Do you recall the story of Karsus?” He asks, taking in a deep breath, and you reply with only a small nod. “See, when Mystra was resurrected to rule the weave, there was a part of the weave that remained inaccessible to even her great power. A fool I was, to believe I could retrieve that final piece without repercussions. In my pursuit of professing my boundless affections and gratitude for her, I opened a pandora’s box, and when Mystra learned of my disobedience to her orders, she left me. Rightfully so.”

“She what?” Your jaw slacks, the buffet of this new information providing only a headache where you expected answers. It made sense, now, why he was so touchy at the mention of her – this curse he found himself hexed by was caused by his feelings for her, feelings you never even knew existed, and she’d abandoned him in his time of need?

“As you know, the piece became one with my body, and has left me with an incurable appetite for the magic contained in enchanted artifacts. The temporary stabilization those consumptions provided has long past fled, and I find the orb entirely out of my control. Without satisfaction, it threatens to rupture, and it will reign tragedy on my surroundings with my body as the time bomb – you understand I do mean that quite literally. I am a danger. A threat. I am the blight within me, no matter your objections, however passionate and good-spirited they may be.”

It isn’t only the presence of his hands that make your shoulders feel so heavy. It was far too soon in your apprenticeship for him to part, but with the urgency in which he spoke, it wouldn’t be long before he left. You were angry – or, at least you most certainly should be angry. You should be yelling at him, scolding him for springing this on you at the last possible moment, and you even go so far as to lock eyes with him, prepared to voice your pounding thoughts, and yet it’s the eye contact that renders you speechless. The only thing you feel aside from your confusion is a stirring guilt. Your mouth falls open, tongue seeking the words that your throat lacks, and you shake your head, pleading with him, pleading with his fate.

Gale looks at you with pity. It stings worse, like salt in the open wound that was your bleeding heart, to know the man who would soon be forced to tangle with death took pity on you. The hands on your shoulders pull you in, and you lean into his chest, expecting to cry, but you can’t even manage tears. His arms wrap around you, and your upper half falls limp, relying on his strength to support you. Strength you’ll soon be without.

It’s stupid to cry, and you’re almost glad that you fail to do so. It’s stupid to be worked up over. The entire situation is hopeless. Perhaps there is solace to be found in understanding that it’s inevitable, that there is nothing you could possibly do to change the circumstances, but you struggle to see that as a silver lining.

There was still so much to learn – so much he needed to teach you. He was leaving you a fortune, a home, even a companion, and yet you were utterly ungrateful. He didn’t understand, he couldn’t possibly understand, that you’d only ever be satisfied with him, and there was no point in communicating that now. It would only serve to increase his guilt, and he deserved what little peace may come with believing you’d somehow manage without him. Eventually, you aren’t sure how long it takes exactly, you return the hug, your hands clasping behind his back.

The mood is long past soured, but his warmth is unchanged. The comfort he provides is as persistent and reassuring as ever, even if it does little to quell your concerns. Your appreciation of him thus far, as endless as it has been, has certainly not been enough. So you appreciate this moment as much as you can, burning it into your memory. His warmth, the faint, familiar scent of sandalwood and sage, the sound of his breathing – his presence as an entirety. Memories would never do him justice, you knew that, but memories would soon be the best you could manage of him, so they had to be perfect, clear, permanent. Even when you tighten your hold on him, refusing to give him up so easily, he doesn't say anything, allowing the bliss-laced ignorance of fate to linger for a little longer. Where you just about burrow into his chest, his hug is much gentler, polluted by the bittersweetness of his proclamation. Although the contact is minimal and noticeably restrained, his chin rests on one of your shoulders, his stress evident even in the reticent huffs of his breathing.

However much you wish otherwise, the hug too comes to an end, and Gale pulls away, leaning down to be perfectly eye-level with you, an all-too-familiar snide smile on his face. He holds your jaw with one hand, while the other remains on your shoulder, and both hands squeeze where they rest. “I have no doubt that you’ll make me proud. All I ask is not to let this place rot away without me. I don’t expect you to carry on my studies, or ‘gain a place at the table of the gods’. I only wish for you to find success. Follow your dreams, the whole spiel. Wherever you may find that happiness is entirely up to you. I’ll rest easy so long as it is found.”

You return his smile – as empty as it is, you want to give him hope. Of course, it’s hard to pull from an empty trough, but perhaps he doesn’t mind. With a pat of your cheek, he stands up straight again, taking in a breath and returning his attention to the books he’d been perusing before the whirlwind of a confession. Helplessly attached, you lean against his side, shifting your attention as well. After a few moments of scanning, you approach the shelf and reach for the faded orange cover of a book, the silver words embedded on the spine having lost their shimmer long ago. Gale tilts his head, curious at your choice, and you glance over the cover before handing it off to him.

“The Would-Be Saint,” he remarks, taking hold of the book and looking over it himself. In search of a confirmation, he looks up at you, meeting your eye. You nod, and only then does he reach for his traveling pack and slip the book inside.

“When do you leave?”

“I’ll make my departure this afternoon.”

“I’ll miss you.” The words have to be squeezed out of your still tensely tightened throat, and you offer another small nod, not wanting to say more for fear of cracking. The two of you would never see one another again – you want to leave him with a positive image of you, you’d hate to add to his worries. Staying strong wouldn’t make up for your inability to fix the situation, but at least it was something.

“I’ll miss you too,” he replies, still smiling, and you wonder if he is attempting the same false composure as you. Your perception of him could never be ruined, or even damaged, but you remind yourself that you should still be grateful for the generous thought.

Then, there’s a moment where you can’t quite read his eyes, as the anguish in his expression is clouded by some other, notably foreign, emotion. It lasts just a moment – and then he looks away, towards his balcony, and clears his throat, and the mystery vanishes. It leaves you with a new, small but certainly present, twitch of discomfort, and you attempt to follow his lead, distracting yourself with the surroundings.

“I need to gather a few more items to bring along with me. If you’ll excuse me,” he says, dipping his head and moving towards the door. You reach for him, catching his arm and stopping him in his tracks. He looks back at you, his face slightly red, but you assume it’s due to the vulnerability he expressed in the conversation.

“Please don’t leave without saying goodbye,” you request.

He sparks a small smile, and he shakes his head. “I would never. I’ll return to you for a better final moment. I’d hate to leave this off on such a melancholy note.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

You hold his gaze for an extra moment before releasing him, trusting him wholly; he wouldn’t lie to you. Especially not about this. He gives one last nod before walking away, and you decide to spend the rest of your morning in his study, picking up spare items that are out-of-place, making the room a little neater. It’s a nervous tidying, most certainly, but you hope it will keep you busy. And you want his final viewing of the study to be a pleasant one, not one tainted by his stressed irresponsibility.

– – –

“I’ve made a mistake. A terrible, nightmarish, dire mistake.”

“Oh, you’ve made plenty of those, Mr. Dekarios. What is it this time?”

“I can’t leave. I can’t possibly leave.”

The tip of her tail flicked, and then a low purr followed, vibrating with a sense of pride – of amusement. “Foolish boy. You’ve realized, haven’t you? I’d believed you’d be clueless enough to remain completely unaware; you had me worried for a moment there.”

“Worried?” He squints at the Tressym, confusion replacing his guilty expression.

“You didn’t really think I’d be so eager to release you? Oh, you doubt me. I’m wounded. You don’t have the heart to disappear. You just needed a reason to stay.”

“I don’t want a reason to stay.”

“But you’ve found it, haven’t you?”

“Against my better judgment.”

Another purr, this one sounding more akin to a chuckle. “What mistake have you made, dear?”

“I’ve allowed my heart to overrule my head.”

“A wondrous thing, love is.”

“A treacherous thing.”

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sems-diarie · 9 months ago

Note

*SNIVELING*

oki, ‘m new here, but I thought u would like to hear ‘bout this situation that occurred while I was writing with a katsuki bot I made, ITS SO SIMPLE BUT I— live laugh katsuki 🥺

When her nails are finally done, he comes over to inspect them, giving an approving nod. "Cute," he says gruffly, taking her newly manicured hand in his larger one and running his thumb over the back of it gently.

"This what you wanted?" He asks, glancing over at her face. His tone is casual but his eyes are intent, wanting to be sure she's happy with how they turned out. Her satisfaction means more to him than anything.

He helps her up out of the chair, careful not to mess up her fresh nails. As they walk out of the salon hand in hand, he can't resist teasing her a little. "Don't know how you walk in those damn things," he says, nodding at her wedges. "Might have to carry you if you can't keep up, dumbass."

— 🧁anon

oh that last one is so so so so <3333 i just bought some wedges and they tear my feet apart. sweeps you up without so much as a second thought, one hand tucked under your knees and the other at your back. you feel weightless first, then breathless—

“so funny, mister hero.” you nearly gasp it with the way he just made all the breath in you vanquish. like nothing, you realize. katsuki doesn’t even so much as blink an eye, instead nudging his shoulder to push a door in. “use your hands, next time.”

“important cargo here, sweets,” he wastes no time in snapping back. “i’d say wear better shoes but—,”

“—because,” you’re quick to cut in, “you hate when i have fun?”

“bu-hht.” katsuki jostles you in his arms, not unkindly but none too lightly at all. “we need to be on time for dinner or my mom will wring my neck.”

ruby eyes catch a look at your shoes. they clatter against your skin every now and again as he hustles you toward the car. they hug your feet so nicely; the sweet make of them adds something glorious to your flair.

“what’s wrong?” you tug gently at the buttoned sleeve of his dress shirt. “you don’t like them?”

he sets you down to click open the passenger door.

the last you hear of katsuki is as he ushers you down into the seat. he sounds troubled, forlorn almost. then the coward hobbles on around to stick his keys into his ignition and glide off.

“remind me to fuck you in those shoes later tonight.”

“oh no way,” you gaze on him sharpens. “these wouldn’t withstand it. it’s barefoot or nothing with you now.”

“what’s that shit you love to say when you’re bein’ dramatic?” you hum, tapping at your phone to let mitsuri know the two of you are on your way. katsuki’s quick to follow up.

“i remember: you hate my happiness.”

“no!” you retaliate, only after a few beats. your phone zings! Take your time, your mother in law shoots a text back, followed by a few blue heart emojis.

your snap your neck to eye your husband down, “i think it’s important to remember how your splooge ruined my red bottoms the last time i let you raw me in heels.

which was yesterday, by the way.”

“so, what?”

“sooo, what!” katsuki’s nearly impressed when your voice pitches three octaves. oh, he’s pissed you off. bad. well, it can’t be too bad, he reasons with himself.

the bastard doesn’t even fight the smirk that curls in his lips, spliced at the corner with a real nasty scar.

“so, what?” katsuki mutters. “the new pair were ordered an hour later.”

you sputter. “is that my point, dickhead? i’ll answer for you: no!”

#bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou katsuki drabble #just goin thru my drafts 🍒

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serendipitys-teapot · 4 months ago

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WIP Wednes... Opps.

Well, I didn't get around to this yesterday, but I was super touched to be tagged by @milkywayes and @lilmissnatcat24 thank you, friends!! This is a scene from my current WIP I'm finishing up, which is sadly still nameless...

Garrus sighed as he brought a hand up to rub his eyes in frustration. “That’s not why I’m here. You’re my friend and I’m worried about you.” “Well, you’ve had a funny way of showing it.” Sidonis spat as he crossed his arms, and Garrus stared at him in frustrated consternation. “Then why the hell am I here with a peace offering?” He asked as he waved the bottle, the moonshine sloshing dangerously, and Sidonis seemed to wilt as he looked back at him. “I know, you’re right. Sorry. I don’t know why I’ve been so on edge lately.” He uncrossed his arms, his palms falling open as he gazed down at them in his lap. “I’ve just been… miserable. I’ve been fucking miserable, Garrus. I hate it here. I hate this ship, I hate this life, I hate this reality.” The scorn and vitriol in his subvocals was matched only by the heartbreak, and Garrus’ chest ached for his friend. His hand came up to rub Sidnois’ back in small circles for a few moments. “I had no idea you were struggling this badly. Maybe we can talk to Anderson about getting you some extended shore leave on the Fleet, get you some therapy and help.” He suggested gently and breathed in relief when Sidonis sighed and nodded his head glumly. Guilt ate at Garrus as he took in the other man’s forlorn expression as he continued to stare blankly down at his own hands. “I’m sorry it took me this long to see you were struggling. I should have checked in with you sooner. I’ve been really busy.” “Yeah. I’ve noticed.” Sidonis muttered darkly as he stiffened and looked away. “You haven’t had the time of day for me ever since she joined the crew.” Silence fell between them like a wall of ice, and Garrus drew back. “Let’s leave Shepard out of this.” His words were firm, but Sidonis continued on heedlessly. “No, let’s not. I see the way you look at her. I’m not fucking blind. The whole goddamn ship probably sees how you trail after her like a lovesick puppy. And don’t even get me started on your subvocals whenever you talk about her. It’s sickening.” “Enough.” Garrus sat up, his back stiff as anger and embarrassment began boiling in his core. Sidonis stood abruptly as he turned to sneer down at him. “What the fuck do you even see in her?” He threw his arms out wide as his voice began to rise. “She’s just using you, Garrus! She’s using all of us! I don’t understand how you could let your dick distract you from how obviously suspicious she is!” “Enough, Sidonis!” Garrus snapped, his expression hardening. But to his consternation, the other man ignored him as he continued. “She’s so obviously with Cerberus! It explains everything! She’s sold us all out, and it’s only a matter of time until we’re all dead. It’s going to be the Gabriel all over again!” “Enough!” Garrus slammed the bottle down on the side table before surging to his feet. He stood toe to toe with Sidonis, using every bit of his height advantage to look down at the other man as fury rolled off him. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that.” They glared at each other, both breathing hard as they refused to back down. Finally, Sidonis’ eyes narrowed. “Pathetic. I can’t believe you let a woman reduce you to this.” He hissed, and Garrus’ mandibles twitched as he balled his hands into fists. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Shepard isn’t a traitor.” “Keep telling yourself that. Right up until you feel the knife slip in between your back plates.” The quiet words seemed to reverberate through the room. Without another word, Sidonis turned and walked through the door, slamming it with a clang behind him. Garrus remained where he was as he willed his heart to stop racing, his pulse thrumming beneath his plates as Sidonis’ words echoed in his ears. Finally, he fell back onto the couch. Slowly, his gaze landed on the bottle, its clear liquid catching the flicker of an old light on the ceiling above. Cursing, he reached for it before tipping it back, praying the burn could quiet the wriggling doubts in his chest.

Let's tag @kalliesa @angry-jager @dwarrowdams @nicolasadrabbles @otemporanerys @misseffect just in case anyone is interested in participating!

#tag game #wip #mass effect #garrus vakarian #lantar sidonis #shakarian #ooooh cluck cluck

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bullet-prooflove · 10 months ago

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TornApart!Series Part Six: Family - Jubal Valentine x Reader

Tagging: @crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @oureternalbond @trublu2u @greenies-green @darqchilddaydreamz @proceduralpassion @burningpeachpuppy @evee87 @delightfulheroshoeflap @iworldlywriter @helsinkibaby @penguin876 @justamadgirlinabox @a-noni-love @brownskinbaby22 @oklahomapeach @yezzyyae @soultrysworld

Torn!Apart Series:

Part One: Nothing To Tell - Rina forces Jubal to make a choice.

Part Two: Pause - Jubal breaks your heart.

Part Three: One Sip - Jubal knows all it takes is one sip.

Part Four: Real Talk - Scola gets real with Jubal.

Part Five: Don't Lie to Me (NSFW) - Jubal comes clean about Rina.

Body language is important, Jubal knows that from the undercover work he’s done over the years. It’s the thing that lets most new agents down when they’re training for UC operations. He’s used to projecting strength and confidence, basic leadership principles however today he has to check himself because he knows that Rina is watching.

He pauses for a second before he steps inside 26 Fed. There can be no suspicion that he spent the night with you, no signs that he’s not the forlorn, heartbroken spectre that’s walked through the reception area these past couple of weeks.

He forces himself to forget the contented noise you made when he kissed you goodbye this morning, his hand smoothing over your hair as you lay twisted up in your sheets. It been before five and he’d needed to get back to his place to shower and change. Yesterday’s clothes would be a telltale sign, as would the scent of your shower oil. It’s little things like that can raise a red flag and he will not take a chance of compromising you.

He takes a deep breath, allowing the oxygen to fill his lungs as he adjusts the messenger bag on his shoulder. He thinks of the past few weeks, how empty his world had become, how devoid of colour. It dampens that brightness that surges through his veins at being reunited with you, pushes it down until there’s no echo of it.

He steps inside the building with his shoulders slumped and his head down, moving at his usual brisk pace. He can feel Rina’s eyes on him from the balcony above and it adds an extra weight. He thinks about everything that could go wrong, and it gives him that pinched expression, the one that indicates how stressed he is. He swipes his security pass over the machine before he passes through the turnstile and into the depths of the building.

When he reaches the JOC it’s quiet, he doesn’t expect any less. It’s too early for anyone else to be here, it’s become part of his routine in the past few weeks without you. Stay late, come in early, a way to get his mind off your absence. He has to maintain that if he wants to continue this charade for Rina.

He doesn’t realise Isobel is in, not until she opens the door to her office and indicates for him to come inside.

“Is something wrong?” He asks her taking up residence in one of the visitor’s chairs across from her desk.

“Scola informed me of your predicament.” She tells him before sliding a file across the desk towards him.

Jubal frowns as he reaches forward and picks up the folder. He isn’t surprised that Scola got there before him, the other man is practical, proactive. The longer this goes on, the more likely it is that Jubal will slip up and you’ll pay the price for it. The two of you had talked about bringing Isobel in on the whole thing last night, there’s no love lost between her and the Acting Director, Isobel has connections the two of you don’t. It made sense.

His gaze strays to the paperwork inside of the folder. He reads through the emails, his heart wrenching as he takes in the details.

“She’s already put the transfer through.” He says as his vision starts to tunnel. It feels like the air has rushed out of the room and he can’t fucking breathe.

“I’ve spoken to S.A.C Morrison, he’s fighting it but…”

“She’s the Assistant Director.” Jubal states, his voice rough as his palm rubs over his goatee. His world is falling apart, he can feel the whole thing shifting underneath his feet.

“I’m speaking to the other heads of divisions; we’re going to appeal to the Director to have her removed due to issues with operational decisions but that takes time.” Isobel tells him.

“So, this is it?” Jubal asks her, his voice full of desperation. “Stefani gets shoved back under?”

Isobel shakes her head.

“I had a conversation with Assistant Director of the Fugitive Task Forces, we came through the academy together. She says if one of her S.A.Cs puts in a request for Stefani and her expertise as a special assignment that would delay the transfer to Undercover Operations indefinitely.”

“Special assignment takes priority over everything else.” Jubal agrees, his brain stumbles over the details. “Rina wouldn’t be able to enforce it.”

“No, she would not.” Isobel says with the ghost of a smile. “Remy Scott sent the application through this morning, his team’s been a man down since Barnes went on maternity leave. He’s been looking for someone with the right skillset to fill the role. It’ll be a bit more travel for Stefani, but she gets to stay here in New York, with you.”

“I don’t know how to thank you.” Jubal tells her as he leans forward so that he can meet Isobel’s gaze. “You have no idea what this means to me, to the both of us.”

“I do.” She tells him honestly. “What Rina’s doing to you, it isn’t fair, and I can’t sit back and let that happen. The two of you were there for me when David Owen broke into my home, I will forever be grateful for that.”

Jubal swallows hard against the ache in his chest.

“Yea well, you’re family.” He tells her. “And family looks after each other, right?”

“Yea.” Isobel says simply. “They do.”

Love Jubal? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

#jeremy sisto #jubal valentine #fbi #jubal valentine x you #jubal valentine x reader

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accidentally-in-fictional-love · 24 days ago

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Love Until We Freeze Ch.8 Day 7 - Breck/Reader

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, overwhelming hopelessness, various attempts at murder, wishes for death, reader accidentally hurts themselves again, reader is the coldest they've ever been, oral sex, jerking off, mentions of reader's abuse, character death, sex.

Wordcount: 10966

Summary: You were so close, and now there was no way to get back down to the hotel before your parents left, unless...

Notes: It's all been building up to this. One final test for the reader, and it isn't an easy one even compared to yesterday. On a lighter note, no, the man in this chapter isn't Matty this time despite the name I picked, because I wrote this before I started sneaking cameos in each fic, plus the second my bff mentioned he could play the man I was picturing in my head I started blushing so hard I forgot how to type oop- so he's played by Lucas MacGyver instead lol

6AM, Sunday morning, your family was leaving today.

Chet kept you up all night as you were regularly examined, your vitals checking out even with the zaps you kept receiving. You couldn’t do another day of this, you might actually try and grab it from him if you found out they still needed to keep an eye on you, see how long you could last with the barbs pressed to your temple. They seemed to sense your resolve on the matter, Chet escorted from the room as you eyed the device in his hand, the burns from it still stinging as they were looked at as well.

‘20 minutes,’ one of the Square suddenly whispered to you as they all went to leave, ‘he’s allowing you 20 minutes, but that’s all.’ You didn’t get a chance to ask when it started as the door closed, and in your hurry you shut your eyes and tried to get some rest before you were yanked back to this. It was day 3, you were beyond exhausted, but your adrenaline was racing too much, you couldn’t do it, and when the buzzer went off again you couldn’t even summon enough energy to feel forlorn. You didn’t even feel tired anymore, you’d stopped feeling that as well, your hunger long forgotten on top of it all, you truly were numb as you just laid there and stared because it was the only thing left you could do.

The visions from your trek played like a montage over the ceiling tiles as you gazed up at them, and you repeated them over and over until it became too much and you finally broke down; you’d been crying all week, but the hopelessness of your reality hurt too much, you couldn’t take it as you wailed loudly into the blood stains you’d left behind, your mittens rubbing comfort into your arms as you curled up as much as you could. They’d been right there, if only you’d waited out the storm, or left a day earlier, then maybe they would’ve been around to see you, be able to hear you, save you. This was unbearable, you felt paralyzed as you lay there, so beyond numb that you didn’t think you’d ever know how to feel anything but this ever again.

Your breathing started to even out as your door opened much sooner than you expected, and your relief felt hollow as you finally saw Breck standing there with his sunglasses on again, it’d been days since you’d seen them and they made the room feel colder as he looked down at you. It took him a moment before he did walk in, a small remote leaving his pocket and clicking in the direction of the camera as the red light turned off, he needed privacy, this wasn’t good. You didn’t feel fear though as he stepped onto your bed with his boots, at least they were dry as he straddled you, but no heat came off of him, he wasn’t going to touch you this time.

He just stared at you, his mouth a hard line as you tried to see his eyes, and you felt so small under his unreadable gaze as you managed to sit up, your legs still under him. You tried to speak but nothing felt right, not after everything you’d confessed the night before, not when you didn’t even know if he’d heard it. You expected him to still be upset with you, but if he hit you now it would only add to the damage, or maybe be lost in the sea of fire you felt under your skin as the cold room did little to cure it. He stared until you couldn’t take it any longer, and when you lifted up your hands to feebly take his glasses off you felt everything come crashing down as your eyes met his.

He’d been crying too, and he was furious.

The gun came back out as his glasses hit the mattress, the magazine pulled out fast to show you that it was loaded this time before he pressed it to your stomach; you’d betrayed him, he’d warned you about this, and you just braced yourself on his shoulders and waited for it to end. You sucked in a breath through your teeth when it didn’t come, Breck looking like he was working himself up to it as his anger intensified. His own pain showed on his face as he placed the gun against your temple instead, he wanted to watch the lights leave your eyes, and you tried to give him that much as the tears fell down your cheeks.

‘Do it,’ you whispered softly, you needed him to, you couldn’t spend the rest of your life up here otherwise. ‘It’s okay, I don’t wanna be here anymore, please give me clarity.’ He shifted closer, his clenched teeth showing as his fingers adjusted over the grip, just one squeeze of the trigger and you’d be free, he wouldn’t be able to save you from this one. ‘Please,’ you begged, your voice breaking the longer he waited, his other hand finding your jaw and making you hiss, ‘we both know I’m always gunna be nothing, I’m just a lost cause, I’ll never be good enough for your happiness, so just… put me out of my misery, Breck…’

He actually shook his head, so small and quick you almost missed it, his anger melting into genuine sorrow as he shut his eyes and yelled, the sound making you do so as well as you waited for the bullet, but instead you heard him take it away, Breck switching the safety back on and throwing it out of reach before pulling your mouth to his. You kissed him back as he took what he needed, not wanted, everything desperate about it all as he barely stopped to breathe. Your head tilted back as he kneeled over you, his height showing as he gripped the sides of your face tight and didn’t let go.

‘You left me,’ he gasped before kissing you again, and you didn’t hold him back as you felt something hot and wet hit your cheek, your eyes staying closed for his sake.

‘I had to,’ you replied when he pulled away again, you felt nothing from this, but you were sure he didn’t either.

‘You tried to kill me, too, you hate me that much?’ More kisses, more wetness against your skin.

‘You’d have killed me otherwise.’ He didn’t deny it, and you wished you could push him away as your hands rested against his chest just over where you’d swung at him.

He held you by the back of the head and lowered you down, the camera light still off as he broke away to brace his hands on the mattress on either side of your head; he was thinking about what to do, and you felt nothing as he looked up at the gun but didn’t move to get it. He was breathing just as heavily as you were, you’d never seen him like this, your betrayal had hit him harder than anything you’d done to him so far, and when he wrapped both hands around your throat and started to squeeze you just closed your eyes and waited.

‘Fuck!’ He got off of you, nothing in your room to damage other than your door as he punched into the wood, it actually giving way and splintering on this side. You continued to lay there even as you jumped at the sound, your hands resting over your chest as you let him decide what to do, the gun just above your head and his back to you but your hands were useless; as he picked the splinters from his knuckles you didn’t even know if you wanted to shoot him or yourself as your dream came to mind again, and that thought made you feel even worse.

He paced the room, clearly unable to decide if he wanted to hurt you or not as he lifted his foot but didn’t kick or stomp right away, his fists clenched but never making contact, your tears slowing to a stop as death floated above you like an angel, always close enough to touch but never coming near enough for either of you to. Finally he decided on the gun, the safety off as he stood above you and aimed down, this was impersonal, this was detached, you wouldn’t make a mess as you blended into the red and rusty brown blossoming amongst the white, your bandages feeling all the tighter as you stared into the blackhole above you.

‘I hate you,’ you told him, but there was no venom behind your words, just another plea to get him to stop making you wait, and he steeled himself before pulling the trigger.

Your entire body tensed as this time you heard the shot ring out, another gasp leaving you that you weren’t sure was in surprise or relief. You felt no pain though, maybe it was over that fast and you were already flying, but as you opened your eyes you still saw him there, the gun falling to his side as he caught his breath, his expression hardening again. You blinked a few times in confusion before looking around, your eyes eventually settling on the hole tearing into the mattress right beside your head; he’d missed, there was no way he could’ve unless it was on purpose, but he didn’t try again as he turned the safety back on and stuffed the gun back into place.

‘You hate me that much?’ he asked again, but you knew he didn’t want an answer as he reached down and grabbed onto you. ‘You wanna go outside so bad? Cryo not enough for you to numb it all? Fine, you can go, get the fuck out of here.’ He dragged you to your feet, your confused hope turning into panic once more as the room filled with Squares, they’d been waiting to clean up his mess again. You looked between them as you were forced into more weather-appropriate clothes, Breck letting you go as you were so protected from the cold that you actually started sweating, proper mittens even pulled over your hands to keep them warm.

You looked at him, a silent question on if he was serious when he grabbed you again and headed for the back door, no one giving him a coat this time to pull over his vest as he carried you out into the aftermath of the blizzard.

There was ice hanging off of everything, beautiful and sharp as the sun shone through the cloudy glass, and you were almost mesmerized by it as you were dragged over to what appeared to be a tool shed tucked between a few trees to help protect it from the harsh conditions. He took out his keys and made quick work of the padlock, needing to chip away at the ice frozen over it too for just a moment before opening the door to reveal everything they needed to survive up there, from shovels to window scrapers to snowblowers to even a wall of extra firewood. You looked around for some skis when you noticed the chair right in the middle of the small room, Breck starting to pull you towards it when you finally fought back.

You tugged against his grip, used the doorway to keep yourself outside, but you were still running on little food and even less sleep, and when he yanked you so hard you swore your shoulder almost popped you let yourself be thrown onto the freezing hand-crafted wood. You rolled your shoulder as he threw all of your possible weapons into the snow, emptying out the room almost entirely until it was just you and your chair, the firewood and two small windows up high on the walls to your sides the only things he couldn’t take, and when he was done he gave you his coldest look yet before slamming the door and sliding the lock through the hasp.

You got off of the chair and slammed your hands into the door, calling his name until a loud bang from the other side silenced you. ‘You find a way to get out of there, and you can go, I won’t stop you,’ he promised, and you made sure it wouldn’t just open before pushing it, then shoving it, and then slamming your abused shoulder into it. It didn’t budge, it was made to keep everything inside safe, and he clicked the lock back into place as your final test before walking away.

‘Wait! Don’t leave me out here!’ you yelled desperately as you banged on the door, the resulting silence making you bring the chair over to the wall. You stood up and tried to see out of the window but it was too high and your hands were useless, the cold instantly coming in as you cracked it open and stood on your tiptoes. ‘Breck! Don’t leave me!!’

It took you a while to pick yourself back up after you'd collapsed against the wall, all huddled up for warmth as you waited for him to come back, but deep down you knew he wouldn't; you didn't know how, but something you'd said or done had made him unable to pull the trigger after everything, but he still wanted you to hurt for leaving, even if he promised you could go for real. You had to earn it now that you had his permission, there would be no need to run and hide this time, you just needed to get out and that would be it, otherwise the cold would kill you when he couldn’t. Knowing this, that freedom was on the other side of this ice-covered wall, you still couldn't bring yourself to get up, his expressions still playing behind your eyes.

You'd only ever seen him cold, or needy, or angry, but for him to actually look like he cared about you? Like you'd hurt him by trying to leave after all your talk about wanting to go? He hadn't even looked like that when you'd nearly killed yourself, and you banged your hands off your head in frustration as you saw him throw the gun away and kiss you like he actually needed you, not just wanted to claim you.

‘I don't understand you,’ you told the empty shed, there wouldn't be cameras inside here but you wished he could hear it anyway, and you did another check of the place to make sure he hadn't gotten anything ready. The sunlight streamed through the windows and lit the place up, it was slightly smaller than the average shed since they were only storing a few things apart from the extra wood, which Breck had probably only left behind since it would've been too much of a bother to stack it all again, and you weighed your options of escape as you stood and properly took everything in.

Okay, there was the door, which was very solid and locked from the outside. There were the two windows, but they were up much higher than you even with the chair and just barely tall enough to fit you, so if you got stuck you'd be fucked. The walls looked thick but you had a lot of firewood and your new mittens were properly insulated, maybe you might be able to smash out a hole big enough to crawl through? You figured that if you caused any damage now it wouldn't matter, he was done with you, and you picked up one of the logs to test the weight. It looked to be the same wood as the entire room, it pretty heavy in your weakened state but you were determined, if you could survive a trip down the mountain in a blizzard you could escape a shed.

You started to use it as a battering ram, angling right above the handle in the hopes that the lock would hold enough to allow the hash to be knocked free, but after several minutes of that with no change you were forced to drop it and give your aching hands a rest; it was hard enough to hold anything with your fingers all wrapped up, and you cursed your timing for stopping you from getting a proper grip. Still, you couldn't give up, and you picked it back up and tried for the hinges next, your frustration growing when they were just as reinforced.

The door was a bust but this wouldn't stop you, your hands and arms getting a break before you tried with your wall idea. It worked a lot better, your hope rising with each strike as you braced the wood against your shoulder and jammed even harder, it hurting so much with each hit but you were making progress. When the wood gave way and the log pushed back into your shoulder hard enough to make you yelp you stopped, the joint throbbing as you removed the log from the hole to look outside, but when you saw what awaited you you felt your heart sink again: an inner wall of brick lay on the other side, worn with age but there all the same, they'd built this shed over the old one instead of replacing it.

You bit back a wail, you couldn't get out this way, so even setting a fire to burn the place down if you needed a last resort would only turn it into your crematorium. You touched the stone and knew that the other layer of wood on the outside wouldn't let it fall so easily, another way out snatched from you as the despair tried to creep under your clothes and claw at your skin again, your only hope the windows high above you as you leaned against the wall and stared.

You could easily picture yourself managing to get stuck up there, your torso and head exposed to the cold until the blood rushed to your head enough to knock you out; you could see yourself just hanging there, your eyes bulging and your lips blue as Breck walked up to you in disappointment, you couldn't even do this much, you really were a nothing as he radioed for some poor Square to get you down and dump your body on the other side of the mountain where you wouldn't be found.

You slapped your mitt into the ground and stood, he would not have the last word on your life even in this possible situation, your body alight with determination as you positioned the chair and climbed onto the wood. It was wall to wall so there was no threat of anything sliding to the sides, but you still had to make sure you didn't accidentally knock any out from underneath you as you unsteadily moved from your knees to your feet. With this extra height you could properly reach, your head almost touching the ceiling as you pushed open the window all the way and felt the fresh air stream in. You breathed deep and tried to squeeze through, your thick coat already catching with the amount of insulation, he really did intend for you to get down safely wearing this, but it was useless to you as it caught on everything and started to tear, the fabric caching and making you panic.

You pulled yourself out and checked out the damage, this wasn't good, but you'd started to fit, you could see from here how you might actually be able to pull this one off, freedom was right there! You didn't want to but you knew you had to, your resigned sigh your last push to yank down the zipper and pull the coat from your body, and instantly the cold crept back in, attacking all the raw spots that still burned from yesterday; until you got to a proper hospital the cold would only make them worse and maybe end in nerve damage, but you were prepared to risk it as you pushed the coat to the other side so you could put it back on when you were out. You watched it float forever, the way down a lot further than the way up looked, if you landed wrong you could seriously injure if not paralyze yourself, and that was enough to give you pause for a second.

The coat was off and outside, you were up there, every other way was shot down, it was this or nothing.

You clenched your teeth and started to slide through, the absence of the coat just what you needed as you stood on your tiptoes and balanced just enough to rest on your chest. You kept pushing and shifting just a little at a time, once you were able to get onto your stomach that would be it, you could pray the snow and your coat would catch you and then you could take the ATV trail down with no one following you, and in your excitement you pushed a little too hard; the wood you were standing on shot out from underneath you, the others following as your body weight violently shifted back to your torso.

The sill dug into your already bruised ribs as you flailed and tried to hang on, your outstretched hand reaching for the sun as you fell down, down, down.

You were out for only a moment, at least it felt like that, your eyes unable to focus as the colours blurred above you. You were vaguely aware of the pain as you groaned, it increasing in volume as you looked around, woke up, saw what happened; you'd landed on the chair and shattered it, your head smashed into the ground, you definitely had to have a concussion after that one, and when you touched the already tender area from when Breck had knocked you out you weren't surprised to see red. The wood pile had crumbled and spilled, a good half of it now resting on top of your leg and pinning it down, and when you shifted and just felt pain you knew that you'd fucked up, that was it.

You repeatedly begged yourself not to cry, you'd done it too much, you were already dehydrated as hell and this was getting dangerous, but you couldn't help it as you laid there unable to move. He would find you like this in who knew how many days, this would be even more disappointing to him because you'd have died slowly, cold, broken, alone, too excited to think rationally and move carefully. He'd think you not only a failure and a disappointment but an idiot, and you could already hear him as he stared down at you and gently kicked your lifeless body. ‘You didn't even make it off the bunny hill,’ he'd say, and you felt your chest clench as you couldn't help but want to prove him wrong, you could do it, you could-! ‘It would've been so much less of a hassle to just shoot you, I shouldn’t have wasted so much time on you, maybe I really should've just let you drown-’

‘Shut up!’ you screamed into the room, Breck nowhere to be found when you opened your eyes again, and you wished he was so you could chuck the wood right at his face, break his nose with it for leaving you out there after all of his talk about not wanting you to leave him. How dare he, how fucking dare he throw you out and expect you to do all of this all over again after carrying you all the way back up here. He couldn't do this, you wouldn't let him, and you pushed yourself up and assessed the damage as you'd done a thousand times before.

Your right leg was pinned but it was still in one piece, you hadn't broken it, but you still were careful as you moved the wood off of it and let it lay flat over top of them all. The leverage was good, and your left leg was spared, your arm stiff from how you'd landed but it worked, he hadn't broken you yet. You gave yourself a moment to rest as you shifted back until you were against the opposite wall, the only problem left being how to get the fuck out of there. You could pile it all up and try again, you didn't need to let this be the end of it, and as soon as you felt rested enough you began. It was slow work but it kept you warm with your coat currently freezing outside, everything else doing their jobs and protecting the rest of you. You were shivering and your teeth were chattering but these were things you were used to, the cold numbing everything that hurt again as you placed log after log.

It took you an eternity but you did it, nearly giving up a few times when the cold couldn’t numb the returning hunger, or tempted you with a long nap that you so desperately needed, but when the wall was back in place you found yourself some leverage and started the climb now that you had no chair. Your arms shook and your right leg was practically useless while you had to rely on your already injured left, your body made of stone as you fought to just get up there; the ledge made of logs wasn’t very wide or stable but it held as everything locked together, your muttered encouragements cheering you on as you reminded yourself that if you didn’t hurry your family would leave and that would be it.

You made it, a tearfully relieved laugh barked out as you then stood, you wouldn’t do it wrong this time, your arms holding all your weight as the sill pressed into every single wound littering the sides. You were panting by the time you got back to where you were, the sun peeking through the clouds to warm you as your tears fell to the ground below, and when you looked up so you could see it you froze; he was standing there, leaning against the building in the distance, all huddled up from the cold without a coat just like you, he’d never gone inside, he’d never left you. You locked eyes with him from there, he’d seen you fall and still waited for you to try again, you had finally tried just like he wanted, and he didn’t look proud as the breeze picked up and had you both shivering.

He was waiting for you to leave him.

What’re you doing? you asked yourself as you started to shift backwards, your eyes on him until you were crouching down, then sitting, then sliding off and onto the floor. Why did you get down? Why did I… Your back hit the corner and you slowly lowered yourself down, your eyes on the door as you waited, your arms wrapping around yourself as you just kept trying to rub warmness back into you, your legs spread out and resting from all the exertion. I was so close…

‘You’re a liar,’ you told the door even though you knew he was too far to hear it, he’d never let you go even if you had climbed out, there was probably something planned just like yesterday, everything he ever told you was always a lie. ‘Just get through the day, I’m just being punished, he can do whatever he wants but I won’t give in to his fake promises, not this time…’

The sun was starting to set, and you were dangerously close to falling asleep.

You’d surpassed being cold again, you didn’t think it was possible but you’d reached a state of nirvana huddled up in that corner, your numbness growing until you couldn’t even hold your arms up anymore. You thought you might be dead as you just stared at the floor, but a struggle to move your leg made you flinch, you felt it, you were still alive. The window was still open and letting in the falling snow, it piling up as you chastised yourself for not closing it, but you’d been moving on autopilot then and hadn’t even thought of it. Now you could see the frost gathering on not only the glass but down the wall as well, white filling in the cracks at the top of the pile and trying to stretch out greedy fingers for your boots.

I wonder if they’ll have dinner before they leave, you thought to yourself as you watched the clouds go by outside the window, just barely visible between the puffy flakes floating down. I guess it depends on who’s driving, if they wanna do it in the dark… if it’s dad, he won’t care, Uncle Frank has horrible night blindness so he wouldn’t, plus he’d wanna eat, maybe Aunt Grace?

You saw the minibus in the clouds, saw everyone already piled into it and beckoning for you to join, they were so happy to see you, they’d waited so patiently all week and you were keeping them, they wouldn’t leave without you even after the sun set, right?

I’m so tired, I think I’ll sleep all the way home and for once they won’t bug me, maybe I’ll even get my book back, I never got to see how it ended…

Your eyes welled up and the cold made them sting, but when you went to blink you found you couldn’t, your face scrunching up in acceptance as the sky got darker and you lost the shapes in the sky.

I’m… I’m never going home, am I? You couldn’t open your mouth to say it, you didn’t have the strength. I’m really going to die up here because I hurt him, why did I try to go, why do I keep act…ing… st…

Your head fell to the side, the muscles in your neck finally giving up as a tear rolled down your cheek, your mind growing so fuzzy that you didn’t even register the lock being opened. The door swung to the side, the gathered snow disturbed beautifully as Breck found you in your corner, another tear falling because he’d come for you, you wouldn’t have to die alone anymore. You wanted to thank him for this single gift but you couldn’t even make a sound, and he didn’t look disappointed or angry as he gently brushed the frost from your hat and shoulders.

His nose and cheeks were red, his own lips pale as he carefully reached under you, your clothes cracking like ice over a pond as your limbs were moved, or maybe that was just your fragile body. His hands shook as he carried you back to the facility, someone seeing him through a window and rushing to open the door for him, the Circle’s panicked questions only sounding like white noise to you as he didn’t answer. He brought you all the way back to his room, a barely living corpse as the heat seeped into your eyes and allowed you to partially blink. His bed felt like the sky as he laid you down on it even though you were getting his blankets all wet, and he didn’t even care as you soaked into his pillows with thawing hair.

‘You didn’t even make it off the bunny hill,’ he finally whispered as he took off his vest and tossed it to the floor, here it came, he was going to give you clarity. ‘You couldn’t do that much, and yet you still made it all the way to the hotel, swung at me, chose death.’ He was starting to look sad again, this wasn’t right, you needed him to hate you back so you could fly, already. ‘I couldn’t help you see, so why would you…?’

He took off his sweater and for a moment you prayed that he would smother you with it when he draped it over you, rubbed warmth back into your limbs until the frost and snow were gone, your small noises of discomfort drawing his attention as you blinked painfully and looked down at him.

‘Bunny…’

You closed your eyes and cried at the name you’d grown used to as he lifted your hand and removed your mitt, your frozen fingers cooling his burning cheeks as he held you to him, and when your attempts to move allowed you just enough to press down and tell him you were still there you saw actual relief on his face. He placed your hand back down and turned to remove your boots, tugging them off carefully when he discovered you’d hurt your other leg as well. He tossed them onto the floor, water splashing everywhere without a care, your belt next but he didn’t look like he was going to hurt you this time, for once it was the opposite as he slipped your pants down your legs and started to rub them.

He didn’t press too hard even though he knew it would be the perfect way to hurt you, your joints aching as he stretched you, helped make sure everything was still working. You could see that the rawness around your knees and ankles was even worse, and there was a very concerning trail of marks going down your leg from where the logs had crashed, but he didn’t dig his thumbs in, see how much he could do before you screamed even with your lack of energy.

He picked up his sweater from your chest next, bundling it up and placing it behind your head, the soft wool soaking up all the cold and tickling your ears when he removed your hat, your own plain sweater coming off before he was rotating your arms, bending your elbows, pressing strength back into your stiff joints before moving onto the next thing. You just watched all the while, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and when he positioned himself between your legs and hooked his fingers under the elastic of your underwear you could only breathe, too tired to beg him not to, he’d just do it anyway.

Your legs were lifted as he removed your underwear, your body bared completely to him again, and you just prayed that you were numb enough not to feel it when he moved backwards down the bed until he could lower himself to you, his hands looping under your thighs and lifting your legs over his shoulders. The warmth stung, you were still too cold and it’d seeped in too deep after yesterday and your refusal to move, but under all the pain you still felt how tenderly warm his mouth was as he kissed your inner thigh.

‘I’ll warm you up again,’ he whispered to you gently as he kissed higher, this was different than his cruel teasing between cryo sessions, he was actually letting you enjoy as much as you could as his cheek brushed against the remaining warmth between your legs. He didn’t rush into it, just let you feel him as a heat formed in your stomach, started to spread through you to combat the burn of the ice your skin had become, and when he kissed you there you let out a soft moan through cracked lips.

There was no dirty talk, no hungry looks as he kept his eyes on your body, no wandering hands as he just made sure he had access to you, and when he finally placed his mouth over you you felt nothing but pleasure. You still couldn’t move, you were too numb for that, but the sparks still spread as he hummed around you, encouraged by the sounds you were making. It was working, you were heating up in a way that wouldn’t put you into shock, but this was also bringing the pain back, your leg twitching as your knee bent a way it didn’t like. He heard your noise and fixed the angle, thinking about you this time as he continued, his tongue hot and soft as it licked comfort into you, drew out your noises in a way he never had before.

Your fingers twitched under your bandages as he got even more into it, and you felt everything that he’d been hiding behind his diamond as your hips jutted ever so slightly without him stopping or holding you down. There was nothing behind his ministrations, nothing but wanting to warm you up and please you because you were still here, you’d waited for him, you hadn’t left him, all the lies you’d expected him to reveal never said as he brought you back to life again.

Your thighs started to tremble and he held them a little tighter, not enough to hurt but to feel the life still in you, and your back arched as more feeling returned, your face nuzzling into the sweater behind your head and breathing in the scent of him; you’d never noticed before but the whole room smelt almost sterile, just like the rest of the building, but his sweater smelled like his body wash, of snow catching on old pine trees, it smelt almost like being free and flying as his tongue swirled around you and made you breathe deep with a gasp. Your hand moved without you telling it to, you couldn’t feel him through the bandages but his head felt warm all the same under your palm as you held him in place, guiding him down to do it a little faster.

He obliged, you were the one in charge of him as he sucked in a quick breath through his nose and shifted up, your heels digging into his spine as your thighs threatened to crush his head, neither addressed as he just moaned against you and gave you more. He was starting to grind into the mattress, even now he couldn’t help but chase his own pleasure but he never took his hands off of you, putting you first even as you started to shift up with each light thrust. It only added to it, the vibrations of his groans shooting through you until you were keening, holding him down and silently asking for more.

Speaking was still hard but he understood all the same, he was the only one who understood you, and when you looked down you saw him gaze up at you at the same time, his eyes showing nothing but adoration for you as you held on tight and came onto his tongue. He eased you through it, not stopping until you let go and went limp into the damp softness underneath you, Breck palming himself but not taking it any further unlike yesterday. You caught your breath as you stared up at him, thought about how he’d waited out there all day with you until he was just as cold as you were, and you held your hand out for him to take so you could pull him down next to you.

He nestled into your neck as he undid his pants and reached inside, your cheeks reddening but not in embarrassment this time as he moaned into your ear and got himself off. It didn’t take long, he was already so worked up from pleasuring you, and you moved your leg a little closer to him so he could ride out his own orgasm against his hand and your thigh. He waited until he could breathe again before getting up and stripping as well, but he didn’t straddle you, make you feel fear or unsafe, just pulled back the blankets from underneath you as carefully as he could and tucked you in, his pillows flipped over to the dry sides as well as his sweater was hung over the headboard.

He climbed back into bed and held you close just like the other night, his arm underneath you to make sure you didn’t get away, but so was yours underneath him as you adjusted yourself until you were laying more on your side and facing him. He was handsome when he wasn’t hurting you, and something about him now was almost loving as he placed his hand over your waist and held on a little tighter. ‘Did I pass your test?’ you whispered, it was still a little hard to talk but at least the words were coming now.

‘You failed, you didn’t leave,’ he answered as his grip tightened, but not in anger.

‘I thought you were tricking me again, I was ready to die out there than have to try and survive another punishment.’ He didn’t look offended, but his knee did move up to slide in between yours. ‘I still don’t understand you.’

‘I told you I’m a man of my word,’ he repeated, something aching in your chest as you refused to believe that he really would’ve let you walk right by him, that he would’ve let you go, but when you looked into his eyes you saw that there were no hidden motives this time, this the most genuine he’d been with you since you’d met a week ago. ‘You stole my lighter.’

‘You dropped it,’ you explained, and he held you a little tighter when your other hand rubbed against his arm. ‘I almost threw it away, out there…’

‘But you kept it,’ he finished for you, your small nod making something shine in his eyes. ‘You almost freed me from her, freed yourself from me… maybe you’re sentimental too, Bunny.’

Things would probably go back to normal tomorrow, when you knew you’d be trapped here and he’d have to finish his training; there’d be no more rush for you to make it down, the sun was almost set, they’d be gone by now, this was all you had left, and you pushed your forehead against his as you sniffed and lamented your loss. His hand trailed up to cup your jaw, and you let him kiss you before you realized you were kissing him back, feeling something this time as he cradled your persevering body and rubbed his own against you, his length brushing against your thighs thanks to the height difference between you. It didn’t escalate past that, the two of you needing each other as he crawled on top of you but didn’t pin you down, and when you broke apart to breathe he chased after your mouth.

‘Breck, do you love me?’ you asked before he could kiss you again, and a familiar coldness shone in his eyes as he looked down, his hand reaching up to touch the scar left behind by the last person who’d asked him that.

‘You should know better, you’re smarter than that,’ he muttered as he got back off of you, and when he pulled away from your restrained grip you just let him put on some clean clothes and walk out without another word.

You couldn’t sleep as you lay in his bed, your head playing the buzzer every time you tried, and eventually you had to get up and get dressed. Your clothes were still a bit damp but you’d be able to warm them now, his blankets had driven all the cold away even without him, even when he never came back. Fully dressed, you figured you might as well try and remember if you knew the way to see Brit so you could get checked out, maybe see if the cafeteria had anything you could munch on to get a little more in your stomach, but you were only able to make it a few steps from his door when two Diamonds approached you. You were too tired to run or fight, and you didn’t need them messing with your healing wounds by dragging you anywhere, so you just sighed at them and motioned for them to lead the way.

They exchanged a look, clearly they expected a fight after everything you’d put so many of them through that week, but it was late and you were really hoping to catch either Brit or some food or both, so the sooner they got their cult business over with the better.

They led you back to the library, the wall of windows like mirrors as you saw yourself enter through the doors, then another Diamond you didn’t recognize at all; he was almost as tall as Breck, more classically handsome, his messy, blonde hair fluffed up once it was no longer tamed by his own gray hat, which he removed along with his coat now that you’d joined him, he’d just arrived. The others left as soon as you were alone with him, you had enough context clues by now, and you looked him over before going to one of the old, leather chairs nearby to sit down before your knees gave out, that visit to Brit would have to come before food. ‘Mitch, I presume?’ you asked, knowing only one name that didn’t belong to anyone here, and he shook his head before walking over to you.

‘Topher, you’re the one Breck has been… training all week, aren’t you?’ he asked right back as he looked you over concernedly, and you flinched as you gave a wide shrug and let your hands fall back onto your lap.

‘In the flesh, what’s left of it,’ you joked, it all you could do as he then looked unhappy about what’d been done to you, his worry actually matching Brit’s to your surprise; as you examined him right back, you realized he held an air about him that none of the others did, but he couldn’t be from the Council that Breck had spoken about because he also wore a diamond and they wore jackets with their hotel’s logos on them, symbols of their statuses.

‘You shouldn’t be here,’ he said as he walked up to you to inspect you closer, and even with his air you didn’t feel threatened by him, not compared to Breck, he wasn’t dangerous like the rest of them.

‘Yeah, I’ve been saying that too,’ you muttered, the two of you turning to the door as Breck was pushed inside; he stumbled a little, the push more of a shove as the door was slammed in his face. He glared at the door before noticing not only your company but you as well, and when he asked what you were doing there you couldn’t figure out which one he was talking to.

‘Word’s gotten back to the Lodge about what you’ve been doing, they received several complaints from many of the members here over the past week and couldn’t ignore it once Brit got involved,’ Topher explained, the air around him getting heavier as he motioned for Breck to take the other seat opposite you. He stared the other man down as he leaned against the long table in the center of the room instead, his expression cold as you recognized the hatred in his eyes and instantly knew who the third person in the room was.

Topher was the Double Black.

‘What I do to my Bu- my charge isn’t any of the Lodge’s business, I was promoted here for a reason,’ he told him as calmly as he could, but you knew that tone as well, he didn’t like being talked down to, and he hated being underestimated.

‘You were, but that was before we saw what you were doing.’ Breck stiffened as Topher walked over to the small table by him where a folder sat, and his frown created harsh edges around his handsome features as he flipped it open and took out a stack of screenshots from the security cameras. ‘Kidnapping, abuse, violence, things that we consider to be actual torture; the Uler Insitute promotes Happiness, Freedom, and Self-Evolution, where is any of that in your teachings?’

‘My methods are my own, I know what I’m doing to get results,’ he was quick to explain, but Topher just held his hand up to silence him with a look of incredulousness.

‘Just like the last one? There are cameras everywhere in this facility as the main branch, do you really think that the Council doesn’t know that you tripped her?’ This shut him up, your eyes going wide because you thought you were the only one who knew such information. ‘You’ve been abusing your power ever since you became a Diamond, killing members of all status to your whims, not to mention what went down here two years ago- does it kill you that much to know that I was the one they chose, not you?’ You saw the corner of his mouth twitch, you knew how much Topher was right, and he was in danger. ‘From this moment forward you’re to be stripped of your level and excommunicated from U.I., and as soon as your “bunny,” as you insist on saying because you think it makes you better, even though it doesn’t, is taken care of then you’ll be placed before the Council to decide if you deserve exile or death for your crimes against the teachings of Edmund Casey.’

‘You can’t-!’ Breck shouted as he took a step forward, Topher holding up his hand to silence him again but he wouldn’t be, not this time. ‘I’ve dedicated my entire life to the Institute, I believe in everything he taught and I’ve been trying my damndest to teach it to everyone in my care, it’s not my fault they never fucking get it like I do-!’

‘That’s enough! Casey was wrong when he made you a Circle that day, and it should’ve been you that died, not Mead,’ Topher snarled coldly, the emotion not matching his eyes as pain shone behind them, Breck taken aback as you covered your mouth in shock. ‘She was more of a member than you ever were, she was my friend- she was the only one to see past your bullshit and it’s a goddamn shame that you got her in the back before she could finish taking you down.’ Breck was at a loss for words, but not because he was surprised, but because he was furious, and you almost wanted to rush over there to try and calm him before he killed anyone else in front of you. ‘You’re a disgrace to this Intutute, and honestly, I hope the Council votes for exile just so I can know you’re still out there, killing yourself over this every single fucking day, because you were so much of a nothing that you had to try and drag everyone else down with you.’

‘Stop-!’ you shouted, both men looking at you as you stood up. ‘He’s cruel, and- and he hurt me, and so many times I've dreamed about burying him like he tried to do to me but… he’s not a nothing, no one should ever…’

Topher just looked between you before going back to his screenshots, and even though you could tell it hurt him to do so, he didn’t back down as he held up one from the first time he assaulted you, your eyes unable to turn as you couldn’t stop yourself from looking away. ‘This? This man right here? Look at this and tell me he’s not a nothing,’ he sneered in disgust at the reason for your pain, your eyes shutting as you shook your head. ‘What about this time, on the course? How he’d prioritized his own dick over your health while you lay there in the snow?’

‘Stop it, please…’

‘Don’t forget last night, the camera picked up that you’re a virgin, would he still not be a nothing if he’d actually-’

‘Don’t!’ You slapped your hands over your ears, your shoulders shaking as Topher set down the pictures with a sigh and walked over to you to place a hand on your right one, the surprise and pain making you flinch hard away like you’d been hit instead. ‘Please…’

‘He does this to everyone, promises them everything Casey tried to teach him and then feels no remorse when they don’t measure up, you were never special to him.’ His voice was softer, genuinely sympathetic unlike everyone had been as you looked up at Breck in misery, your left thumb scratching at the bandages of your right hand as he just stared you down without emotion.

‘You told me I was the only one…’ you murmured, his eyes flashing as he frowned.

‘I never touched the others,’ he insisted seriously, and Topher agreed.

‘You didn’t, but does that make this any better? You’ve fallen off the mountain, you’re a danger to everyone up here, and tomorrow I’m taking you both back to Portland so you can stand trial,’ he told him coldly, your heart sinking even more as you looked up at the other man.

‘W-why am I going to Portland?’ you stuttered, his hand leaving you.

‘We all know you don’t want to be a member, but you still know too much now, thanks to him, so I’m going to arrange for a hotel position to be available to you in Portland; it’ll be a good job, no rent, no bills, just a steady paycheck and a warm bed on site, we can work around your skills so the transition is easier.’

‘Wha- I don’t want that, why can’t we just try and catch up to my family, it can’t have been too long since they left, I won’t say a word to anyone, I promise-!’ you begged, Topher frowning in confusion before looking at Breck and sighing again.

‘He never told you,’ he muttered to himself in realization, his pity for you only growing to your dismay, your knees wobbling unsteadily as you looked to Breck in fear.

‘To- told me what?’ you asked cautiously, even though you were terrified of the answer.

Topher just stared Breck down in a quiet order to answer, but he wasn’t going to take anything from him anymore, not after his loss of status; he wasn’t, but the moment Topher opened his mouth and you pleaded with him with your eyes he couldn’t help himself, you were his charge. ‘They left, the day after the search party,’ he explained, your ears ringing again as Topher held you up with warm and gentle hands, the exact opposite of Breck’s. ‘They searched while I was down there, but as soon as they heard the statistics of missing persons being found they decided it’d be too much to stay after their loss, so… you were never going to find them when you left m- us, yesterday.’

‘No, nonononono…’ you moaned as all your fantasies of them waiting for you, welcoming you back, taking you home were shattered one by one like ice, Breck’s face emotionless again as Topher tried to get you to sit. ‘They didn’t leave, they didn’t just abandon me here, they’d have kept looking all week, didn’t they? You… you’re lying to me again, I still mean something to them, I… someone… I’m more than just a few hours of searching, aren’t I? I’m not… noth-’

‘Easy, it’s okay, a lot of us were left in the cold when we joined, our family is each other now, you’ll still be able to understand Casey’s teachings in Portland,’ he soothed you, another caring voice that meant what he said, but you were inconsolable; he’d just let you believe that you still had a week, that the few people in your life loved you, but Topher wasn’t disagreeing with what Breck said, and you almost wished that they’d have died out there on the mountain while looking for you because at least that meant that they stayed- ‘Come with me, you can stay in one of the empty Diamond rooms, and tomorrow we can catch a plane and I can give you everything he promised but was never going to give you, okay? You can leave the mountain now.’

You looked up at him as the tears streamed down your cheeks, his smile comforting and true as he encouraged you to stand, Breck silent as he watched you reach for his hand, but the moment you saw the solid protrusion sticking out of the back of the top of his pants you knew that you couldn’t leave, not yet. You pulled the encompassing bandage free from around your fingers before grabbing Topher’s gun and flipping off the safety the same way you’d seen Breck do it, the Double Black backing up in surprised caution as you pointed it at him, and then at Breck. His eyes widened a little but he didn’t beg for his life, he already knew you wouldn’t do it, but he’d hurt you so much that it was taking everything in your power to not pull the trigger now that it was pointed at his chest.

‘Will you kill him?’ Topher just asked carefully, still holding his hands up as his eyes flicked between you and him, and your face scrunched up sorrowfully as you just shook your head in indecision. ‘Given what he’s done to you, I don’t think anyone will mind back home if you kill him now, no one will ever have to know, just like all the ones he’d made disappear over the years.’

‘And if I kill myself?’ you then asked as you raised the gun to your head, keeping your eyes on Breck so he could see the lights leave them just like he wanted, just like in your dream, but he didn’t look excited about the prospect anymore as he stopped himself from taking a step forward.

‘Then I won’t stop you, just ask that you at least take the satisfaction of paying him back for everything first, so you can savour that in your final moments,’ he requested, he wanted you to at least have that for yourself, not because he wanted to get rid of him, he was good, he was offering you an escape, he was everything you wanted Breck to be… Your hand trembled as you saw yourself in the reflection, another fantasy of doing exactly as he asked playing in the glass as you watched Breck and then yourself fall to the floor, end of story, no more pain.

‘I don’t wanna go to Portland, I just wanna go home,’ you told him with a choked sob, and he frowned sadly as he turned to Breck, made sure he saw exactly what he’d done to you.

‘I know, but you have no home now, he made sure of that the moment he brought you here,’ he condemned him, the gun pointed at him again as you knew it to be true. ‘I’ll give you all the time you need to shoot yourself, no one’s watching tonight, no one will blame you for this.’ You steadied yourself and aimed, your heart pounding so hard you were sure he could hear it even from over there as the hammer slowly started to pull back along with your growing pressure on the trigger.

‘Bunny,’ Breck finally said as he stared you down, but he didn’t sound remorseful or like he was about to beg for his life, Topher instantly snapping at him.

‘You don’t get to talk anymo-’

‘I never left you,’ was all he had to say, and you felt clarity as you aimed and fired.

He flinched as the shot filled the room, your hands still shaking as Topher slowly turned to face you, his eyes wide and confused as he started to stagger, and then fell into a crumpled heap on the ornate carpet sprawled out underneath him. You both stared at him before you pointed the gun back at Breck, but you both knew you couldn’t kill him just as much as he couldn’t kill you. You turned the safety back on and tossed the gun aside before running to him as fast as you could with your limp, his arms wrapping tightly around you as you clutched the back of his vest.

‘Don’t ever leave me,’ you pleaded into his chest, and he just nodded before pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

‘You’re the only one who understands me.’

Your fingers were horribly cracked and blistered from the blizzard’s damage as you grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him down to you, kissing him needily as he backed into the table, Topher staring lifelessly up at you as you shoved that stupid puffy vest off of him and ran your hands over his chest. He brought your hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to it before taking over for you, his sweater pulled off before silently asking if that’s what you wanted too. Just having that almost made the tears flow harder as you nodded, you knew you needed him now, he was all you ever had, even your own family didn’t try as hard as he did even though his love had nearly killed you.

You killed your father in your head as he took your sweater off too, for allowing everyone to give up on you.

You killed your mother as he undid his belt, every scoff she’d ever given you when you’d tried to talk to her about your depression becoming nothing but a distant memory.

You killed your uncles as he hopped up onto the table and pulled you close, your aunts as you undid your pants with shaking fingers until you needed help, your cousins as he slid back just enough for you to climb up and straddle him.

Your entire family was dead to you now, Breck was all you had as you rolled your hips against him until the pain in your leg made you stop, his groan at both your pain and pleasure only urging you on as you watched him shove his jeans down his hips until he was pulling himself out and jerking off for you. It filled you with want, your hands still useless as you tried to do it for him but was batted away before you could do any more damage. Instead, he tugged your own pants down until you were bare to him, his fingers slipping into your mouth before finding that aching part of you that welcomed him in as you braced yourself on his shoulders.

He stretched you again, your knee screaming as you rode his index, the second not coming fast enough as he spread and scissored you until you were ready. This wouldn’t be easy, it was your first time and there was no lube to be found in this library, but you didn’t care, you’d lived through worse than this. You held his head to your neck as he sucked and bit down hard, and when you guided his other hand to your mouth so you could lick a stripe over his palm he groaned at the feeling before taking himself in hand.

‘So perfect for me,’ he panted as he leaned back just enough so he could line himself up to you, your teeth sinking into his shoulder and marking him right back as you sank down on his cock. He filled you up so nicely, your body adjusting and swallowing him deeper as you sat on his lap, your jaw slack as you just breathed. He whispered praise into your ear as he grabbed you by the hips and got you to move, your legs shaking hard as you lifted enough to almost pull out, the head catching on your rim, Breck allowing you to fall back down hard as the table creaked under your weight. ‘Fuck, Bunny…’

You did it again, then again, each one sending shockwaves of not only the expected pain but the best pleasure you’d ever felt in your life, and when you started to speed up and he found that spot inside of you you cried out so loud he silenced you with his mouth. He helped you bounce on his lap until you couldn’t support yourself any longer, Breck leaning back until he was laying down and you were resting on his chest. His hands lifted you as he started to fuck up into you, his fingers digging hard into your ass as he kneaded and gripped strong enough to bruise, just more to add to the tapestry.

‘Harder, please fuck me harder,’ you begged as the pain gave way entirely, and he bit his lip before doing the best he could, it not enough as you braced yourself and sat back up so he could go even deeper. Your hands made a diamond on his chest as you covered his bullet scar, your body finally warm as you let him fully take you over, own you just as much as you’d always owned him, and when you looked up and saw yourself riding his cock with a big smile you finally understood what it meant to fly as you reached between your legs to touch yourself.

Your moans started to cut off as it all built up into just him inside you, you’d never leave this place because he was here, and you held his hand as you cried out and came so hard you saw stars. Your head fell back as you felt him come deep inside you, the heat so good that your back arched all the way, and the last thing you felt was his hand holding yours while the other wrapped around your lower back to keep you from falling as you finally passed out.

#Ray's Readers #Breck Montanari x Reader

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vxnillite · 10 months ago

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is this hurt/comfort

maybe, but instead of a ship, it's my oc and their mother figure at work :D

i forgot how i format this stuff

Characters: Noah ©️ me, Nina Cortez ©️ @smoldoddles (the bestie ever)

Word count: 2436

set just a few days after the RDA left Pandora in the first movie when, I assume, those who stayed continued operation of Hell's Gate

Breakfast. Check.

Coffee. Check.

Daily avatar exercise. Check.

Morning routine check on the staff. Not quite.

Nina, back in her human self for now, breezed through the SciOps lab doors and made a beeline to one particular desk station. All of the owner's documents were cleanly and perfectly stacked, their pens neat in the pencil holder, but the thinnest layer of dust had made the desk its new home. Nina held the overlooking lamp and frowned when she felt it. Cold.

"Where's Noah," she asked, looking forlorn at the abandoned desk.

The scientist stationed opposite Noah looked up from her work. Usually quite cheerful, Angela answered without her signature smile to light her face up. "They haven't come in today, Dr. Cortez." She sighed heavily. "They didn't come back yesterday after lunch."

Nina recalled breakfast that morning. She'd reported to the mess hall a lot earlier than usual, but only because she woke up rather early that day. She, then, finished breakfast before the first wave of staff came in for their own, and since Noah was usually a late riser, Nina didn't expect to catch them at the mess hall. The decision to go on about her morning like usual suddenly felt like a crime, guilt and disappointment in herself crashing down on the doctor. The only relief she could afford herself at the moment was a quiet sigh.

Angela must've heard it though. "Well, it's not like we're keeping up attendance anymore, right, Doc?" She tilted her head as she cracked a half-smile. "I heard Noah fought alongside the Na'vi in the fight 3 days ago. They're probably just tired from that."

Nina thought it was a good point. She straightened herself up and said, "I'll go check on them."

"I hope they're just resting. Surely, they'd need as much of it as they can get." Angela replied. Her eyes fell on the empty desk across her before meeting Nina's gaze again. "Tell them I miss my desk neighbor, yeah?"

Nina smiled and nodded at her before turning on her heel and heading back out the door. Her route now would be short, just a few turns then down the elevator to the level below the labs where the SciOps living hubs stood, now far less occupied with just about half of the residents left. While that meant there was a shorter waiting time at the showers, the remaining staff of Hell's Gate were now at the phase of figuring out how to run the facility with less than half of its people left. As someone who was higher than most on the political hierarchy, Nina had become a supervising figure for the continuing operation of Hell's Gate, not just of the SciOps division. Part of the reason was her seniority, but another was her military experience, which made Nina the ideal person to also direct the SecOps division in the Colonel's absence. In turn, though, her schedule was almost still as packed as it was before the rebellion.

But Nina had finished her rounds on both SecOps and SciOps, and everything was more or less running perfectly. So now, Nina was going to attend to a more personal task, one that she was taking on as both Noah's senior and, more importantly, as their friend.

Nina knocked twice on the door of Noah's quarters. "Noah, it's Nina," she called out. "May I come in?"

No answer.

Fearing that history was repeating itself—this was only the 2nd time ever that Noah had disappeared from the labs—Nina pulled out a security card and tapped it on the scanner next to the door. The light changed from red to green.

That security card was such a handy tool that the security staff gave to her after her informal promotion to SecOps supervisor. Nina had used it to sneak into the pantry for a midnight snack once already. But while her use of it now was rather invasive at surface-level, Nina knew better than to let Noah lock themselves in their room to wallow and rot in self-pity, even in spite of recent events.

The last time Noah had shut the world out, it was because theirs had shattered. Now, it would seem that it was happening all over again.

But much to her surprise, then worry, Noah was not in their quarters. The bed was made but cold. It didn't seem like Noah had just gotten up and left for the showers or something. Nina surveyed the room more closely. A black oversized jacket, Kevin's, was hung over the desk chair. Noah's data pad was missing from its charging pod. Their boots were missing, too.

'Where could they be,' Nina thought worriedly. As she surveyed the room one last time, she briefly wondered if Noah had ever even been in this room since the rebellion. It seemed as such.

If that was the case, then waiting around for Noah to come back wasn't the best thing to do right now, Nina decided. So she left the room. The door somberly closed behind her. For a moment, she stood in the middle of the empty hallway in quiet thought.

While doing her rounds that morning, Nina had asked every person she could if they had seen Noah. Alas, her little investigation had been fruitless. More "I think I saw"s than "Yeah, they were here"s than she would have liked. Their own living quarters had been the last on her mental checklist, but now she was thinking they could be hiding out somewhere else. But Kevin's old room had long been occupied by a different person, so Noah couldn't have gone there.

So maybe... it was a different soldier's room they were in.

Nina made a pitstop to the records office, where she found just one guy working on his computer. He was the only one from his department to defect.

"I'm a little busy right now," Alex hollered without looking up from the monitor. He seemed more stressed than mean, but there was a sprinkle of the latter.

Nina kept walking toward him. "Alex, I need a favor."

Alex stopped immediately. "Dr. Cortez," he stammered as he swiveled his chair in his direction, a crooked smile forced on his face, "I didn't know it was you. Um, what can I do for you?"

"Room assignments, you've got them, right?"

"Sure do."

"Great. I need Harper Zdinarsk's. SecOps."

Not a second was wasted as Alex pulled up a new window and rapidly typed the name into the search bar. When the results popped up, he read out the needed information, "Harper Zdinarsk. 129 in the SecOps wing."

"Was it ever accessed," Nina asked.

Alex scrolled down to the room access history section. He paled at what he saw. "Opened via DMT 2 days ago." His voice shook the tiniest bit as he added, "But this soldier is dead, one of the casualties from the fight."

Nina hummed. "Was her body found?"

"No, but we assumed she was dead because she wasn't with the people who went back to Earth." Alex swallowed nervously, his trembling hands glued to his desk made Nina pity the poor man. "Doc, are we being haunted?"

"Psh, of course not."

Satisfied with the information she got, Nina began walking back out of the room. Just as she had a foot out of the door, she looked back at Alex, smiling cheekily at the spooked man. "But if you hear something creepy, maybe just log that into the records~"

Nina spared herself a giggle at her own teasing before refocusing herself as she was a few paces down the hall. The SecOps living hubs were just around the corner, and as if Eywa herself had blessed Nina that day, Room 129 was just the 3rd door.

She knocked. "Noah, it's Nina. I'm coming in, okay?"

The steel door hissed open as Nina pocketed her security card. Then, once the door closed behind her, locking out the noise of Hell's Gate, she heard a voice she was sure did not belong to anyone currently in that dark, unlit room.

"Why are you filming me," Z asked, a laughter carrying her words from a distance. "Am I on the observation list today?"

Noah laughed as well, their voice louder. "Yeah, I'm filming a worrywart in her natural habitat, and she's once again worrying about if a blade of grass would strike and poison me. Oh, no," they dragged, "I got stung, ah!"

"Oh, whatever shall I do," Z replied with a playful, exaggerated eye roll. It was weird to see her not locked and loaded with her gun just dismissed to her side.

The camera wobbled as Noah groaned dramatically. "It hurts so bad, oh my god."

In a split-second, Z's carefree expression hardened and she approached Noah. The closer she got to the camera, the clearer the worry was on her features, furrowed brows, a stiff frown, but a contrasting softness in her eyes. "Hey, wait, are you serious right now?"

The camera stopped shaking and Noah responded in a monotone voice, "Nah."

Z clicked her tongue, and Noah laughed again. Nina found herself infected by the cheerfulness of the avatar behind the camera, so did Z, it seemed.

Then, the video ended.

The light was now open. Noah, the one who was sitting on the edge of Z's bed, hovered their finger over the play button. Their data pad laid on their lap, no doubt forcing them into a very uncomfortable position for their neck. Still, they were unmoving apart from the hand tautly fiddling with the hem of their oversized shirt. Stencil-printed letters on the left chest read "SecOps".

Beside them, Nina sat silently. The ache in her chest was growing close to unbearable. The sting in her eyes was demanding relief. But she kept herself together, observing Noah. Instead of the play button, their finger dragged the video track, stopping when the screen showed a clear shot of Z grinning at Noah in the video.

Silence. Unbreaking, unmoving silence as if the world itself had stopped. It would only continue if Noah pushed the play button.

They didn't.

Nina couldn't see Noah's face with all their hair covering them like a blanket, but their head never moved from its position looking directly down at the data pad. They stewed in the quiet for a few more seconds before Nina reached out with a gentle hand. When her hand had barely even grazed their back, Noah grabbed onto Nina, whose mind surged with worry as she held Noah's body, frail and trembling. Yet their hands clenched fistfuls of Nina's coat like they were holding on for dear life. The data pad slid onto the floor, but neither one cared.

Noah crumbled into a state Nina had never seen them in before, crying their beaten, desperate heart out into her shoulder. No words were spoken, then again maybe they couldn't make it past the tears. But Nina felt all that grief, pain, brokenness. Soon enough, Noah's cries were pushing onto Nina's mind images of the people she herself had lost. Her own arms began to tremble, but her hold of Noah did not falter. Rather, she fastened her arms tighter around them and pulled them even deeper into her embrace.

"It's going to be okay, Noah," she said, her voice cracking under her own tears as she rubbed the young doctor's back while fighting back tears of her own. A sniffle escaped, though. "It's going to be okay."

More sobs. Some Noah choked on. Their tears, their mourning, their yearning. It all felt endless.

"Just let it all out."

Noah heaved. Whatever strength they had during the battle was gone. Now, they felt as fragile as a glass ball. The slightest hit would shatter them completely. But they managed a few words, "She's gone, Nina… It's all my fault…"

Nina pressed her cheek on Noah's head, caressing it gently. At that moment, with her eyes closed, she saw a familiar head of ginger hair. The grief almost knocked Nina over like a tidal wave. But she stayed strong for Noah.

"Don't blame yourself. Please." Somehow, it felt as if she was talking to herself.

Noah shook their head, but anything they might've tried to say got caught up in their grief. Nina was all too familiar with how that felt like.

Metal clattered to the floor, interrupting the two as Noah flinched straight. They looked down at the fallen dog tags with a panic in their eyes as they reached down. But Nina saw clearly that they were not Z's tags that had fallen, and she swiped them away with her foot. Noah snapped their neck up at Nina, who shook her head.

"It's not hers."

Noah abruptly looked down on their lap, where Z's tags were, both clean as a whistle.

Then, Nina gently put her hand on Noah's. She smiled gently.

"When did you get them," she asked.

Noah answered slowly, "Before the celebration with the Omaticaya." They hung their head low. "I…snuck back out to the forest. I'm sorry."

Nina hushed their worries down. "Alex said they couldn't find Zdinarsk's…" She cleared her throat and spoke again with a firmer voice, "They couldn't find Zdinarsk."

Noah sniffled, then breathed out shakily. "I buried her." The tears started flooding their cheeks again. "I'm sorry. I didn't—I had to. I couldn't leave her there… I'm—"

"It's fine, Noah." Nina held both of their hands and squeezed them tightly. "I understand, and I promise I won't breathe a word to any soul about it."

"If Mo'at finds out—"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

Nina let go of Noah, but only to put Z's tags into their hands. She, then, balled their hands into fists over the metal before raising her hands to part Noah's hair, tucking as much of it behind their ears. In the bleak overhead light, the young scientist looked like a corpse. Nina tried not to frown, but she was only really concerned.

"I'll get you something to eat, okay?"

Noah nodded weakly. Nina got up, quickly peeling from the floor the dog tags that had fallen earlier.

Once again, Nina stepped into the noisy hallway. The tags felt like blocks of lead on her conscience. She hoped Noah didn't see who it actually was on them. Briefly, she looked down at her hand. What stared back at her were a cold, lethal demeanor and the eyes of the man who let all hell break loose mere days ago. The eyes of the man she, fretfully, loved.

#avatar oc #avatar james cameron #avatar fanfiction #oc #too lazy to tag #hurt/comfort #angst #have u ever lost the love of ur life #yeah it was kind of noah's fault a bit #nina cortez #she's mother but like in a literal sense

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ninjadeathblade · 9 months ago

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Febuwhump Day Fifteen: "Who did this to you?"

Warnings: Mention of self harm, implied depression, swearing

Word count: 501

Author's notes: This does tie into yesterday's prompt, and yes Snatcher and Empress are besties but I also need you guys to understand that they did not get that close very quickly it took time.

Empress was tired.

It had been a long day managing the shop, putting up with employees who weren't competent, and dealing with idiots who didn't know what they wanted to buy.

All she wanted now was a drink and to sleep.

She locked up the shop then took the stairs behind the counter upstairs to her apartment.

Snatcher was passed out on the sofa, the ghost's form fraying around the edges and melting into shadows.

Empress quickly grabbed a glass of water before sitting down on the armchair next to the sofa.

She closed her eyes, revelling in the darkness and how quiet it was.

“Who did this to you?”

She cracked open her right eye, hazy gaze turning to the ghost. “Hmm?”

Snatcher had turned over on the sofa, chin resting on the arm of the furniture, his form having solidified slightly. “The scar on your eye. I never asked about it.”

Empress' tail flicked with annoyance and she gulped down her drink.

Snatcher was still staring when she finished.

“You aren't going to leave me alone until I tell you, are you?”

“I can't force you to tell me anything. But I would like to know so that I can help,” Snatcher said. “You always compensate for missing sight on that side, I can tell, you almost always stand to the left of everyone else. So yeah, I'm not gonna pressure you into telling me but it might help.”

Empress sighed, crossing over to sit beside Snatcher on the sofa instead.

The cat slowly leaned into his side, smiling softly as the ghost’s arms looped around her.

“I did it.”

Snatcher's grip tightened slightly.

“I did it because this place used to be a shithole. I hated it. And this? This was the only way to stop it. Hurt myself, pretend someone else did it, start a turf war and then claim power in the chaos,” Empress explained.

Snatcher let out a low growl, and for a minute she feared he was angry at her.

“I used to have a cat from here contracted to me. Suppose they still are. They would mention how their home was ravaged by war a couple times but I never thought much of it. Wasn't my business. If I'd known-”

“If you'd known you wouldn't have done anything because it wouldn't have been any of your business and it's not like anyone you cared about was here.”

Snatcher let out a huff. “You were here.”

“And you didn't know me at the time,” Empress pointed out, getting up. “I'm going to bed.”

Snatcher watched after her with a forlorn expression for a moment but left her be.

Empress all but collapsed onto her bed, scooping the pillow closer to her face.

She was tired.

That was all.

She wasn't sad, she wasn't thinking about a past that haunted her.

She wasn't missing the people she'd shoved out her life.

She wasn't missing things she was responsible for ruining.

No, she was just tired.

#a hat in time #ahit #ahit au #ahit moulin rouge au #moulin rouge discotrain au #ahit snatcher #the snatcher #a hat in time snatcher #snatcher #ahit empress #tw self harm #tw depression #sh mention #febuwhump #febuwhump2024 #whump #febuwhumpday15

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hetch-but-not · 2 months ago

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...do you not know how to navigate a living complex? Take a shower or some shit I don't know

[[ @founders-escape-au ]]

I told you, you can come in. [He stands inside his apartment]

#Afgiy au #a forlorn gaze into yesterday asks #Ooc: we back!

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aloedadragon · 4 months ago

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Wowee look at that! Baby’s first ask blog! /silly

Please gi check it out if you’d like! I promise I’m gonna try to make it good :]]

#A Forlorn Gaze Into Yesterday au #AFGIY au #Genloss #ask blog #genloss au #generation loss au

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casspurrjoybell-32 · 10 months ago

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All It Took Was One Look - Chapter 6

*Warning Adult Content*

Liam

Georgina was my girlfriend, we have been together for three years.

You could say I have strong feelings for her even though... she can be a bitch.

I thought that she would be my mate but my wolf would have reacted to her a long time ago and that never happened.

Now all those feeling I had for her were gone, everything she did got on my nerves these days.

The way she held on to my arm while we walked down the hall.

Yesterday we were making out, I tried to get into it but if felt so wrong.

I honestly felt sick to my stomach when we kissed.

And if I felt like that from a kiss I knew I wouldn't be able to have sex with her anymore, just the thought brought a nauseating shiver down my spine.

She was beautiful but she wasn't the one I wanted, neither did my wolf.

We both wanted a cute black haired boy with breath taking blue eyes.

It should have felt wrong but it felt so right.

I wanted him in my arms. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, not hers.

I wanted HIM not HER. I'm so messed up.

After the dinner with Jim and Darla last week, Jim took me out to his car while everyone was talking inside.

"Explain this to me," he had asked me.

I shook my head not able to look him in the eye.

"I can't" I had said.

"Liam" he warned me.

"Jim I can't, really I don't know how to explain," I confessed.

He looked thoughtful.

"Maybe it was a mistake," he said.

I shook my head.

"It wasn't. I looked at him and my wolf responded. Uncle Jim my mate's a male," I whined.

"How is that possible?" I asked.

He ran his hands through his hair in frustration as he looked out in the street.

"I don't know," he said with a frowned.

"Who is it" he asked meeting my gaze.

I shook my head again.

"I don't know his name," I said.

He sighed.

"Are you going to tell Robert and Nancy?"

I winced.

"What if they won't accept it? I mean would you accept if your son had a mate who was a guy? Even I can't."

I was freaking out.

"Liam, they're your parents and they know it's not up to you who you choose for your life partner," he assured me.

"Just tell them, hopefully they'll understand."

I laughed humorlessly at him.

"Sure I'll so do that because my dad is going to be overjoy about giving up his position to his 'Gay' son," I said sarcastically.

"Liam stop," he demanded.

"Just go tell them."

It's been a week and I still haven't told them and to top it off I haven't broke it off with Georgina yet either.

I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was a coward.

So when I walked into the cafe holding Georgina as we headed towards out usual table.

I bumped into someone knowing from when our bodies collided and the electric current flowing through me it was 'him'.

It went all in slow motion as he hit the floor, I was about to reach out to stop him from falling but something stopped me instead.

Once he hit the ground I visibly wince and my wolf whined.

His hair was eschewing my eyes from seeing his face.

But I could see his teeth clenched together in pain.

'Dumb ass,' I scolded myself.

He hurt himself and I could have prevented it.

I forced a scowl on my face as I watched him look up at me with those same bright blue eyes that had been haunting my dreams.

"Sorry about that," he said wiping himself off.

His voice scent delicious shivers down my spine.

I still hadn't said anything to him, my left hand tightened in a fist and my other tightened in Gee's grip.

His eyes zoned in on our hands then and the look of shook and disappointment crossed his face.

I was confused as to why he would look sad like that but just looking at his forlorn face made me want to take him in my arms.

'I need to leave.'

I brushed passed him so I could secretly feel the delicious sparks as our shoulders brushed together.

"Watch were you're going next time," I growled to him dragging Gee with me.

I heard Georgina snicker and I had to grit my teeth from snapping at her.

I know I was being a huge dick to him but I wouldn't let myself feel for him. I couldn't.

I was the soon to be Alpha and I don't think the pack would feel okay with following a homosexual Alpha pair.

Sighing I sat down next to my best friend Dominic.

With a sly glance, I noticed my mate wasn't there anymore and my wolf whimpered.

He was fuming at me for hurting him and I completely understood.

Someone cleared their throats, glancing up I found Dom's narrowed eyes staring in my direction, then down to my hands with a frown.

It was then I realized that I was still clenching my fists.

"What's up man?" he asked as my gaze shot up to his. I shook my head.

"Nothing."

He didn't look convinced but kept quiet non the less.

Lunch was the same, everyone was talking all at once about parties, who got laid or who got knocked up, just the regular gossip.

Georgina was in an animated discussion with her friend Kelly, they were whispering together intently.

I honestly couldn't careless, all I wanted was to go home.

I couldn't get his face out of my head, the way his blue eyes clouded with sadness.

I hung my head with a sigh, disappointed with myself. I should apologize.

'NO. I can't.'

Soon the bell rung, opening my eyes Gee was staring at me with a weird expression.

"Are you okay babe?" she asked caressing her finger tips down my cheek.

I resisted the urge to swat her hand away, so I just moved my head and stood.

"Yeah I'm fine," I said taking her hand in mine ignoring the nasty feeling.

Walking her to class she stopped me at the door and wrapped her arms around my neck standing on her tip toes.

Quickly I took hold of her waist and held her still.

"Gee not right now okay?" I said looking her in her green blue eyes wishing them to be the clear sky blue ones I dream about.

"Why baby, you love my kisses," she purred burying her hands in my hair trying to pull my head down to hers.

"Come on baby," she whispered as she licked my lips.

Another nauseating shiver wracked my body, she mistook it as desire so she did it again reaching up a little more and forced her lips on mine.

I let my hands fall from her waist as her pressed her body against mine fully.

She gripped my hair harder, usually I would have been all over that, moaning in her mouth with pleasure but I wasn't enjoying this one little bit.

I felt her tongue try and force its way into my mouth but clenched my teeth closed.

Pouting, she pulled back.

"Open up," she said against my lips and tried to kiss me again but I stopped her.

"That's enough for now," I whispered pulling away from her.

The bell's going to ring."

And right on cue a blaring noise came through the speakers.

I gave her a soft peck.

"I'll see you after school."

She pouted again before nodding and heading in her class.

I sighed in relied, I'm seriously going to have to break it off with her.

I couldn't do this anymore I didn't like feeling like this.

I ended up late for my class and Dom was giving me concerned glances throughout the whole class.

It was beyond irritating.

When the class finally ended I quickly walked out hoping to get to football practice first before everyone to have a little time to myself.

I felt someone grab my arm.

"Liam, wait up man." I turned.

"Oh hey."

'Well there goes my plan.'

"Dude what's been bugging you today?" Dom asked me curiously.

I shook my head.

"Nothing man," I said, turning my back and walking straight for the lockers.

"Don't give me that shit. I know something serious is on your mind," he said giving me a stern look.

Dom and I have been best friends since birth and we had never lied to one another.

So holding this secret from him isn't going to last, he can always tell when I'm lying.

"Come on man, spill."

"Fine but I'll tell you after practice," I said.

He accepted that and walked along side me in silence.

Coach had us running for half the practice and we ran a couple plays.

Kyle was constantly trying to outdo me in everything.

I wanted to punch his damn face in by the end of practice.

I got pretty close to it too but Dom held me back while Seth held Kyle back, I really needed someone to take my frustrations out on.

Dominic had to drag me off the field to cool down while everyone went to change.

"Damn Liam, your seriously on edge today," he said standing in front of me while I sat on one of the bleachers taking deep breaths, my wolf was trying to weasel his way out.

"You gunna be okay?" he asked me frowning.

I nodded rising to my feet.

"Yeah," I muttered turning towards the lockers. I need a shower.

"This is about the thing that's bugging you isn't it?" he asked, jogging to catch up.

I ignored him as I burst through the doors heading straight to my locker.

Taking my gear off and stuffed it in my bag, my shirt was next as I put my school shirt on changing into my jeans.

Dom was on the other side trying to strike conversation but I was only giving him one word answers.

Should I tell him?

I was freaking out, I mean he is my best friend and if I lose him because of this then I think that I would be lost. I can't go through this alone.

I grabbed my bag throwing it over my shoulder and heading around the lockers to wait for Dom.

He was just grabbing his stuff when he gestured for us to leave.

In my car I threw my bag in the back and started my car as Dom settled in his seat.

It was quiet for a while as I drove to Dom's house.

"Well, are you going to tell me or what?" he asked impatiently.

"Not now, when we get to my house okay?" I told him.

I was dreading his reaction. I heard his sigh heavily and slumped back in the seat.

"Dude this must be some serious shit because you have never acted like this," he said.

I glanced at him, he was staring out of the window tapping his fingers against the door.

I didn't say anything so it was silent the rest of the way.

When we arrived nobody was home which I was grateful for.

"You want a drink?" he asked helping himself to the refrigerator as usual.

I shook my head, shrugging, he went in the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water.

I sat awkwardly on the counter stool as he hopped on to the other side of the counter.

"Oh my God dude, you are seriously trippin' balls," he said laughing at me. I scowled at him and punched him in the arm.

"Shut up," I growled.

Chuckling he jumped down to lean over the counter to get a better look at me.

"Spill it," he said.

"Is it Gee? Are you cheating on her or is she cheating on you?" he listed off, he gasped loudly all of a sudden getting a serious face.

"Is she pregnant?" he whispered this and I couldn't help but bust out laughing.

"You are so retarded," I said between chuckles.

"No, no and Hell no," I said before my laughter died.

"Aright man, I'm gunna tell you but you got to promise me that you won't freak or if you do just promise that you'll keep it to yourself okay?"

He nodded slowly, I could tell he was cautious.

"I will."

"Okay," I took a deep breath before meeting his gaze.

"I found my mate," I said first to break the ice and I watch as his eyebrows shot up.

"No way man. Dude who is she?" he asked his eyes wide and I bit my bottom lip.

"That's just it... my mate is... not a girl," I muttered the last part but I knew he heard and I saw him visibly frown.

"What are you talking about?" he asked and I huffed.

"Just what I said," I told him staring him in the eyes giving him a flat look.

His eyes widened in shook and he took a shocked step back.

"What?" he yelled staring at me in disbelief.

"That's not even possible. Is it?" he said shaking his head in denial.

"Well it's true and I don't know what to do?" I confessed resting my head on my folded arms.

"Dude, you're like Liam Parker the girl magnet. You've had more girls then Fabio, man," he said.

"I wouldn't go that far," I said into the counter.

"No dude this can't be right. You're straight."

"Yeah, I thought so too," I muttered.

"You're fucking with me, right?" he asked hopefully and I lifted my head and glared.

"Why the hell would I kid about something like this?" I growled at him and he held his hands up in surrender.

"Hey don't bite my head off man," he said, walking around the counter he took a seat next to me.

At least he can still stand sitting with me.

"What are you going to do?" he said softly giving me a look of pity and that hurt more than anything.

"I don't know, ignore it.," I told him and he shook his head.

"No, you can't ignore the pull, it will get worse and worse till you start to weaken and a weak wolf is a sad sight to see Liam," he told me with a faraway look.

"How do you know that?" I asked him with furrowed brows.

"Well I saw my cousin go through it. He stayed here last summer, his mate rejected him and he was moping around here letting himself go, you should have seen it. He looked paler than death, his body ached all over,and his wolf even stopped interacting with him," he confessed.

"So screw it if you're mates a guy or not you have to be with him."

I stared at him in surprise.

He wanted me to mate with a male?

"I don't know man, I just can't do it. You of all people know my position," I told him causing him to shake his head furiously.

"No you have to. Liam I can't watch you as you spiral down the shitter. You better claim this guy and claim him soon. Is he a werewolf?" he asked, I shook my head.

"No? Who is he then?"

There it was again and this was the second timed I'd been asked this excellent question.

Who was my mate?

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blueparadis · 3 years ago

Text

➺ Me & my husband 〜 Kokonoi Hajime

+themes : fluff, romance

+cw : none.

+wc : 0.6k

+type : oneshot | 1k Special Event Post| link to masterlist

Those swanlike eyes that are only accustomed witnessing gun and violence is now anchored on your furrowed brow. Koko's fingers travels to the sand dunes upon your forehead, wiping all your worries away, waking you up. "Another bad dream?", he asks. You hum in response and lean into his shoulders resting your calloused hands beside his. You want to clasp your fingers into his yet your hand fails to reach him just how waves fail to wash away the footprints of yesterday on the shore of eternal memories.

I steal a few breaths

From the world for a minute

And then I'll be nothing forever

"You're so beautiful,y/n", he whispers into your ears rubbing his cheeks against yours. As you open your eyes, you realise that his hand had you cupped around your waist , body leaning against yours and the other hand playing with your locks. He touches you gently, softly as if you were to break the very next moment like a sandcastle; his touches are so tender that it screams how life has never been kind to him,how his scarred soul has never been shown affection.

'mornin babe he adds as he buries his face into your slender neckline. Your hands departs from the crumpled bed sheets to reach his ivory silky strands. You softly run your dry chapped lips over his pulse point while he shitfs to his side of bed. Morning silence,slow syned breaths and his eyelashes tracing your gleaming face. You avert his stares gently sinking into his shoulders. A short disappointed sigh reaches your ears as he chins up your face to feast his impatient orbs upon your innocent galaxies of emotions yet you fail; you fail to meet his gaze snuggling amongst his arms.

And all of my memories

And all of the things I have seen

Will be gone

With my eyes with my body with me

Koko's lips pressed upon your hair, placing a gentle kiss as his lips part ,"I'll be back soon 'kay , hon". He leans and tucks your hair behind your warm earlobes; getting up from bed and abruptly making his way to the washroom. Now that you're wide awake,his side is empty. Just the crumpled bed sheets and the blanket which was basked with both of yours body warmth and his fragrance.

The huge penthouse is now filled with nothing but longing & loneliness. Getting out of the bed you wrapped yourself in his sweatshirt heading towards the bathroom. "I love you too!", read the sticky note on the mirror. A smile crept upon your lips devouring all your worried facial reclines. Why is he so kind ? Why he seems so untainted? Is it because of me? Or is it because he doesn't wants to lose me to his violence? Why is he vulnerable like the last petal of a forlorn flower? Is it because I'm the ray of hope to his life? Or is it because he's simply, irrevocably & direly in love with me?

And I am the idiot with the painted face

In the corner, taking up space

But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved

Your eyes spotted his image in the mirror as he entered your room. He leans against the door carefully watching you, inspecting your digits. As you prop in forward to paint your lips,his jaw hardens. He slowly approaches you while you become busy applying kohl in your lucid orbs. His calloused fingers run through your locks, onto your exposed neckline as he grabs your hair into a knot. You tilt your face to look upto him. Seconds of eye stares turned into light years. He places a soft,slow burning sensation upon your neck before placing a pendant that perfectly adjusted amongst your beauty. "It's beautiful", you exclaim.

So I bet all I have on that

Furrowed brow

And at least in this lifetime

We're sticking together

"Shall we leave?", he pleades as he pulls you in his arms, gently caressing your back. "Koko, you're too kind" you speak adjusting his collar bow averting eye-contact. He says,"Only for you!" and you look up to him , giving him a timid smile.

Me and my husband

We're sticking together

Me and my husband

We're doing better

He rests his hand upon your waist, guarding you from all his miseries. You couldn't help but take his busy hands into yours. Fingers interlaced,hearts interwined and destinies coinciding as you two make way for the exit.

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cagcd · 1 year ago

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Encounters with old friends should spark a sense of joy in one's heart, whether the meeting was planned or not, true friendships are always a delight to see rekindled, often resumed with ease as though it had only been yesterday since last meeting. The young boy he once was had assumed such by mere observation based from real life &. movies where beloved hero reunites with a long lost friend through the years, a pleasant thing to observe to most but it had often sparked a sense of melancholy and a little bit of jealousy within the actor ... always bullied, singled out by both classmates and siblings, he hoped to find that sort of connection someday, he had gotten close, when the superficial was unexpectedly replaced by the heartfelt and trustworthy, those who he can depend on and face any hardships together with a lighter heart. Though the teasing and name calling still remained they were more of a playful nature, no true intent to harm or menace, that was friendship. But as all good things are, they are never meant to last, in one swift moment Earthrealm had been robbed of its best champion and a dear friend whose absence had a heavy impact and left a space none could ever fill. There's no chance to grieve and comprehend the weight of that loss, for the ally they once knew had now turned to foe, now forced to fight against as if that's how its been from the start.

It was difficult to him, Sonya and Jax, the same couldn't be said for Raiden who despite everyone's faith in, Johnny had plenty of reservations with his recent choices he finds best to keep close to his chest. But then again, Raiden had blamed himself for what happened, perhaps it was that guilt that drive him down a darker path. But to justify that wouldn't do any good in the situation, he can guess just about enough that Raiden had no part in this encounter. Which brings up the question of why was Kung Lao now standing at his door, seemingly calm, no hostility or that same air of anger to be seen, he seemed hesitant, broken quite unlike the proud monk he had known who would never miss a chance to one up him in his game of flaunting, he hated every bit of that change, but doesn't truly blame the man himself for the state that became of him, it only saddened him to see. It can't be helped, the way he felt his entire being stiffen once the man reach for his hat, the silence in itself was unbearable but to think it would be broken in yet another pointless fight made his heart drop, [ he knew his jokes were bad but non that ever brought out such an extreme reaction. ] Fortunately, the weapon of a hat is lowered, his face is now more visible at least the eyes which told volumes of anguish.

Johnny blinked, taken aback by that familiar civility. ❛❛ Yeah ... yeah, it has. ❜❜ he agreed, surprise in tone falling into something forlorn, it never should have turned out this way. It was still good to see him despite everything. Meek request had the actor pondering for a moment, unsure why, his gaze wandered back to the empty house, the girls weren't there, it should be alright. ❛❛ Sure, be my guest. ❜❜ Johnny stepped aside to allow entry, following shortly after closing the door behind them. ❛❛ You want anything ? A drink maybe ? Do you even drink ? ❜❜ he asked, oh well this was going great already.

Patient yet strained caused by this wait, Kung Lao was given enough time to simply leave. Facing the past would only earn him another death he found himself dreading... His nerves were causing a pit of grief to develop in his stomach, threatening to make him throw up from such a bitter thought.

Johnny was once a friend; deep down, the former Shaolin saw him as such. His inflated ego, rich persona, and sandpaper like personality must of been what fans of his liked. Even Raiden was drawn to him all those years ago, deeming him more worthy to fight in the tournament than an experienced Shaolin. Sickness swirled in said pit, feeling a cold, dark rush of anger beginning to swell inside him. Digits twitch in attempt to fold into a fist, while eyelids slit behind his mask. His jaw starts to tighten whilst teeth were gritting slowly into a tight lock. His breathing turned shallow and was threatening to conjure a snarl.

Raiden...that...that...---

The door clicked and was shortly opened before him; the feeling dispersed. The vexation that was being stimulated from within was swift to settle into a odd yet awkward calm. He stalled himself too long with memories of the past, finding himself face to face with the man he hasn't seen since the day of the tournament.

Through the small holes of his mask, he catches the expression upon the actor's face. Kung Lao's left foot barely slides against the pavement, as if regret was about to begin to demonstrate itself. Firmly holding himself together though, his fingers twitch once again. There was no fist to form but a slow raise of the hand towards his hat. The notion of Johnny instead attacking him dead on was a possible notion, but upon hearing his words-- a dumb joke and a weak chuckle make it past his lips, Kung Lao made no sudden movement. He simply continued to raise his hand, taking hold of his prized weapon and removed it. Further inspection around his face shows the mask's straps that were tight around his head. There seemed to be no intention to remove it quite yet. Bringing his hat down by his side, he offered not a single attack, but simple stillness.

His mind wracked for words.

"...It has been a long time..." He finally spoke. That alone felt like a massive weight on his chest being lifted. "...May I enter? I bid no harm." His tone was quiet and meek, opposite to the once proud warrior he use to be.

#hxttrick #☆.⠀⠀⠀in character⠀⠀⠀⎯⎯⎯⠀⠀⠀⠀(⠀ic !⠀)#☆.⠀⠀⠀larger than life⠀⠀⠀⎯⎯⎯⠀⠀⠀⠀(⠀verse i !⠀)#// AUGH AUGH IMMA CRY IN EVERY REPLY #// also don't worry about icons or not i'm chill <3

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sly-merlin · 4 years ago

Text

S A C R I F I C E

SACRIFICE - A STORY OF LOVE, BETRAYAL, REVENGE AND BARGAINING

CHARACTERS : prince jaehyun x princess y/n

GENRE : fluff, angst.

WORD COUNT : 7k

TIME PERIOD : OF SHY GLANCES AND BLOOD BATHS. WHERE LOVE IS FORBIDDEN AND HATRED NOT.

WARNINGS : Includes dirt play, revenge. Major character deaths like MAJOR, mentions of blood, murder, killing, assassination and an explicit scene of killing. Cw : food mentions SMUT WARNING : kissing! mentions of undressing.

DISCLAIMER : THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. FICTION. FICTION. NO DESCRIPTION REPRESENTS OR GIVE ANY HINTS TO JAEHYUN'S REAL LIFE CHARACTER.

a/n : part of heartbreakhotel monthly event by precious network @nct-writers

SUMMARY : heart in one hand, a blade in another. Which one goes down under the weight of other? Who is brave enough to sacrifice the other?

The shimmering, colourful, geometrical patterns of the bronze kaleidoscope motivated your heels to exultant jumps, simply sending tingles to your friend's mind who quietly stood beside you wondering what new pattern had caught your eye this time. She was equally excited yet waited for you to be absolutely gratified. After all, a pattern viewed once could never be seen twice or remembered long enough to be claimed to have hit our eyes.

The light hues of the unreachable sun coloured the small market in its natural glow making terrible winter evening walks a little more bearable .You loved it. You loved the scenery, all the more so because it was deemed to be yours. Every corner of this small kingdom had your father's crown engraved on it yet you weren't permitted to move around in a place you dared to call your own. Hence the poorly patched long cotton skirt and lazily stitched full sleeved shirt covered you like you were a fugitive in disguise or maybe belonged to some impoverished village. Same was the case with your pretty friend who, once averse to your youthful shenanigans, found the silver jewellery most fascinating in the whole market and not to omit the street food that turned the palace food to be flavourless.

You had never been very keen on lying to your parents, popularly called the rulers of the kingdom and your poor attendants who thought you were busy with your evening naps that you had suddenly taken upon a liking towards since the past month. But it was a necessity for you. Roaming in the same humongous rooms no more satiated your travelling mind. You wanted to be out, to be free, to just breach all the restrictions you were placed under as a princess to satisfy the hollow rules. As much as your morals and conscience despised hiding truth, this little game you played harmed no soul. Your safety was their priority and you were safe and secure as long as you didn’t leave her side. And this excuse inadvertently spiralled you in this endless circle of hide and seek taking control over your better judgement, throwing the need to pause this rendezvous in the background. What once done out of curiosity and to experience the fanatic lives of your subjects, was now a sine qua non. From patiently performing and learning new tasks suiting your position to skillfully diverting your maids, you indeed had all the prerequisites to be the best queen of your future kingdom. Even though the praise of achievement always resided only in your head, you found yourself to be impressively regal.

"Let me have a look too, y/n" zara, your dear friend pleaded not so politely.

Reluctantly removing the device from your eyes, you pushed it onto her hands, backing away slightly, allowing her in the space.

"Why don't you go and look at some silver jewellery instead?" Huffing, you suggested to lure her.

“The new ones arrive next monday!” Not paying heed to your tender, she kept smiling, enthralled by the beauty captured between the pieces of mirrors.

You nudged her playfully, the action meant to drive her to the end of her patience but she dogged your efforts with continuous giggles. Relentless you were too and she was always reminded of that in a hard way. What your elbow failed to do, your fingers completed. As soon as your fingers in her ears, she bitterly pulled herself away to face you.

“This is unfair y/n. This hour of freedom is not for your pleasure only” puckering her lips, she said while her eyes squinted at you.

Suddenly, her forehead was smeared with thoughtful lines, “y/n! It’s been twenty minutes already. Where is your lover?” surprise rained over her whole face, “Do you think he got caught?”

You were almost ready to refute her former statement that he certainly wasn’t your lover yet but her latter question of suspicion appalled you and there was no need for her to ask you any further as she noticed your face shrinking, distorting your pretty lips into a worrisome pout. She immediately left the metal device, focusing on you.

“hey! I am not serious. I was just trying to distract you” as she cupped your face, a pout of her own greeted you.

Her words were not reassuring at all. There was no unlikelihood of what she said. Jaehyun was, without any doubt, illustrious in the fouled game you both played but neither his family resided here nor was he allowed to enter the premises of your kingdom. The said man was corrupted by his youthful glow that granted him enough courage of frisking around the walls of the forbidden territory.

Inhaling sharply, you uncloaked your worry,

“do you think he real-

“no no absolutely not love. He’s too clever for that and he’s been doing since months, way longer than me and you! Let’s wait for a few more minutes.” Cupping your chin, she jested and cooed, “Also won't he perish without seeing your beautiful face. He would be here any minute!”

Just when you responded to her with a grim nod, a well acquainted shoulder bumped into you, mitigating your distress with a familiar touch. eyes closed in relief, you looked at zara for approval which was given right away with a playful wink.

Giggling like a little child, you skipped to the back of the market where jaehyun waited for you every evening. Hiding your face in the silk grey scarf, you sneaked away avoiding everyone’s sight and waiting for your arrival, Jaehyun stood there with the lower half of his face concealed with a black cotton headcover.

As soon as he saw you, the hand glueing the cloth to his face fell down and his face lit up with a smile worthy of putting stars to shame if compared. The wrinkles on his face and the dips in the cheeks had you wanting to hide in those spaces, away from everyone who had heralded this union to be forbidden.

There you stood, staring into his dark eyes like he wasn't someone you were supposed to keep a good distance from.

But the light in his eyes diminished on seeing your excited face.

"You did that again! Why don’t you follow anything I say to you? At least, look back and confirm my presence. What if someone had followed me?” deeply whispering, he frowned at you.

And fondly, you smiled at him, something that he never found fascinating but it still left him flustered.

"Don't smile at me like that. I won't melt this ti-

"I apologise?"

You blurted out taking him by surprise. His mouth opened and closed several times, body slightly rocking in confusion. Finally, he spoke,

"I didn't mean it like that." His voice softened, "i just can't -

Cleaning his muddy hands on his pajamas, he placed them on your cheeks, engulfing your whole face with his long fingers.

"I just can't see you in danger. If any of my uncle’s spies came wandering and recognised you at this hour, they'd not hesitate to slit your throat y/n" the way his face contorted as he recited the known truth, it was evident how just the mention of it was painful to him. "Don't follow unless you see my face. I know there's no one harming you in your own country but you never know when odds might defeat you"

"Do you-

You began but his questioning eyes stopped you. His eyes talked only in worry and love. Both for you. But even if you were content with what he showered you with, greed for little more was something you never deemed unnecessary.

"I what?"

You wanted to continue but the perpetual worry planted on his face disturbed you as well.

"Jaehyun-'' your fingers brushed away the strand of hair on his face, “I mean don’t you find it tedious? Giving me the same instructions every other day, wasting the ten minutes of the limited time we get.”

He left your face and focused on cleaning the remaining dirt from his hand. To avoid suspicions and blend into the environment, he always covered his hands in mud, giving an impression of a forlorn daily worker. Nobody questioned a person who looked homeless and unhappy, even if he meandered near the barbed wires.

“I got in trouble.”

You hadn’t even sat down on the bench and he was already bombarding you apprehensions.

“how?” inaudibly, you asked.

He broke his eyes away before responding,

“they saw me leaving the palace yesterday. From tomorrow, I shall be accompanying my cousin to verify the supplies in the production department.” his chuckle forced you to let out one as well. his irresponsible behaviour had fables of its own, as jaehyun had told you once. the little penalties he was subjected to weren’t discomforting either but this time it involved you as well.

“for how long?”

“my family’s care agenda would hopefully end within two weeks and then I shall be free again. but we might need a new place and new time too.”

His words were muffled in the back as your eyes remained transfixed on his hand sheepishly rubbing his neck. Under your inappropriate scrutiny, he found himself tinting and your strong gaze posed more problems for his already thumping heart.

He coughed you out of your daze, eyes wavering everywhere. Picking your lip, you suppressed your giggles.

Finger under your chin, you pretended contemplation. Your comical stance earned a groan from him,

“how about you get serious for once and I’ll buy you steamed food.”

Smiling widely, your greedy stomach took the offer immediately.

“not everyone lacks intelligence, prince jaehyun.”

He huffed and crossed his arms, feigning offence at your statement. “Now what are you implying princess y/n.”

“that I might already have a place decided. So hurry up now and feed me food while telling me about your day.”

“You are impressive, my lady! How am I going to live with your notorious self?”

“you plan on living with this notorious princess?” you clowned even though his question showed you more than just a hope.

“the inquiry hour is closed princess and so would be the shops if you choose to delay more. Soooo, shall we leave?”

Responding to your sharp gaze, he took your hand and pressed his plump lips onto them, disrupting the chain of your rational thoughts.

As the atmosphere tuned cooler and he bid adieu, you went back with a new assurance, ready to put your life on hold for the next few weeks.

lying on your back, you let out muffled giggles to celebrate another successful classified evening. clothes were changed, chess was out. You were prepared for any intrusion.

Zara's laughter soon died down, happy and heavy breaths replacing them. Seated on your bed, she faced you,

"So my courageous y/n, did you confess today?"

Abruptly you raised yourself, looking at her in bewilderment,

“Of course not!”

“What? Why not? What are you waiting for? Time is slipping away love.”

“I know. I just want to be a little more sure before taking this a step further. I do not want to misjudge his momentary affection for a promised future.The detestation our families share for each other has always proven to be deadly. Unless I’m sure that jaehyun’s feelings are indisputable, I shall not be proceeding." Mumbling out the last part, you began playing with the hem of your deep blue skirt to hide the disappointment that settled in within your heart.

"Okay. I can't force you but do know that saving your heart from misery is better. Oh and does the poor boy have any hint about me." Zara advised lacing her words with a chuckle in the end.

"Don't worry. You are just a maid friend whom I love and trust the most. He believes each of my pretty lies you know.”

"Oh my love. He truly fancies you. I wish your brother wasn't so incapable of harbouring feelings. How delightful life could have been only if he was like you." She wistfully spoke just like other times. Your heart hurt for her. She never got the love she was capable of giving yet the kindness never withered away. She was just like that.

Soon your peace was interrupted and you were escorted to the dinner table.

There sat your parents with their favourite child. You weren't loved any less yet it weakened your heart, watching them walking past your capabilities to applaud his undistinguished skills. His gender screamed for power when his capabilities barely had any knowledge of whispering about them. You abhorred it. Not your brother for he was raised with a rode in his neck but the stars that never aligned in your favour crushing your dream of wearing the crown for your own kingdom, under the grime rules made by those who were dead. Only god and zara knew how much hatred you held for your ruthless ancestors who never favoured women.

Sans any relish, you bit on the food which definitely tasted better for something you were not very fond of. but the almost good meal was ridden of all the salt as you felt conscious of their eyes on your face.

"Is there something you want to say to me?" you asked with a reluctantly polite voice.

That's when you noticed how their attention was divided to both you and zara. Your brother Donghae’s serious eyes bored into her face as she tried to avoid him while sitting right across him on the dining table.

Finally your mother spoke.

“Donghae was looking for you throughout the whole evening, zara.”

Zara lowered her head, look on her face screaming help which only you understood so you took the charge on her behalf,

“We were in my room.”

“And what is so important in your room that you both chose to ignore constant calls from your maids?”

“After an exhausting and unentertaining day, we both play chess, share all the amusing stories of our respective days, details of which can be given to you if asked with some enthusiasm and then we sleep for an hour, in peace without anyone spitting orders on our faces and since when have my brother changed so much that he actually got some time to look for his wife?”

“May I know from where this disrespectful flow of words is coming through? Is this a way to talk to your elders?”

“I mean no disrespect, mother.”

“This ends today. From tomorrow you shall be spending those two hours with our bakery chef.”

Instead of your mother, you directed your next plead to your father, who was an expert in nodding at household matters

“No! This is the only time I get with zara. within a year or two i’ll be married off to some rude man who won’t even let me put my feet outside the threshold of his palace.” pouting, you said.

Waving his hand, he dismissed the matter that meant whoever got the last sentence was the conqueror of the discussion.

"Why are you here?" Counting and aligning the stars to form another shape, he interestingly asked.

"I wanted to explore this dead garden. What about you? What brings you here in the enemy land?" You jested.

"to meet a very beautiful enemy."

"a woman?"

"Yes yes. She's a woman. A very pretty one I must say but very feisty and dangerous to be around."

"Oh how so?" You asked now genuinely interested in his description of yours.

"I've heard she has a heart of stone."

"Huh? Have you seen her heart to be so sure of your accusation?"

"I've enough instances to prove that."

"Like?"

"She meets a handsome prince, spends an hour staring at his eyes with all but love and still chooses to stay silent. It's a dangerous game she's playing with him. It almost - it hurts him."his fatalistic expression left you stunned. The ancillary confession beleaguered your heart instead of calming the storm.

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you tried your best to focus on the constellations instead. you pulled the poor blade of grass harder in a futile attempt of breaking it apart but it was snatched from you.

“answer me.” He demanded the answer that was resting on the tip of your tongue.

"I love you."

He blurted out and you felt his fingers finding home in yours as he interlocked them. the moisture of the grass swamped your hands and you finally found your warmth within each other.

“the whole palace is under your charm y/n” you stopped the stirring at zara’s words.

“how so?”

“they haven’t seen your wrath in the past few weeks. You didn’t shout at minji for throwing your burnt cake either.”

Swatting her hand away from the pot, you replied, “let them enjoy their peace days.”

“may god bless jaehyun! The whole palace is saved until you are happy.” Bumping her shoulders into yours, she took the charge from you. “what about the haunted garden y/n. aren’t you afraid of going there. it’s been weeks and I haven’t heard you screaming about any ghost.”

You scoffed at her naive self, “the only ghost that haunts the garden is in ME!” dragging the last part, you successfully scared her into dropping the ladle in the hot pot. Resultantly, she chases you off in the whole kitchen until you agree to turn the muddle of vegetables into something edible.

Jaehyun’s presence generated so much happiness within your soul that you were afraid one unfortunate day would snatch him from you yet you never fought against the urge to drown in the love he poured on you. He mirrored the boy you met in your books, just as dreamy, if not more. His princely chiselled face was a sight to die for. He was a typical example of a lotus, a beautiful flower born in mud where it lived and died and you wanted to change that for him.

“What do you fear the most?”

Nestling your face in his neck, you couldn’t help but ask the question. He snuggled you closer to him, the sheet beneath you crumpling making the leaves and the grass it covered rustling under you. He shifted his head only to face your hair. Removing his one hand from your waist, he moved your chin to inspect you. He never understood how you came up with most bizzare and inquiring questions. But he was always more than happy to speak or in this case, express.

“that I will forever remain indebted to you.”

grasping his hand that held your chin, you saw him gulp down the words he hesitated to utter.

"Love is not a debt jae. Just keep loving me like this, make me hap-

Abruptly your view of him changed as he floated over your figure. Resting your head on the sheet, his fingers traced the path along your face, feeling every inch of the skin he had learned to admire from afar. With adoration filled eyes, he drew nearer.

His lips were delicate against yours. Moving gently, he comforted your vulnerable ones, winning a pleased and dry whine from your throat. Hands dropping to your neck, his lips travelled down to your jaw where he sucked lightly at a candied spot and the little tickle kisses he gave you reaching your collarbones left you squealing in its wake. He hovered over your face again, this time to taste the bliss you felt and courageously, you pulled him closer and like it was designed, Mist of delight clouded your minds as you forgot your fingers in his nape. If finding stars in his eyes was your expression of love then dancing against your pulsating lips, he perfectly found his interpretation as well.

He drew back when he was done with bruising your skin. Staring into your eyes, he asked for something. With a blink of the same, you conveyed it.

Curving your back, you allowed him to unzip the lavender dress you were wearing. As he uncovered your skin, he greeted it with beautiful, praiseworthy kisses, covering you with his undying love.

That night he resuscitated you, sending you into an oblivion.

The reason being the incantations that he served you with.

I wish to give you a ring!

And the simple words resonated the promise that you could hardly wait for him to fulfill.

Sympathy combining some unknown feeling washed over you as you heard your father talking about the neighbouring kingdoms and the pitiful state they were in. you had always known about the lack of resources those people lived with but that was the end. It was just a topic of discussion and theory to learn about the blunders of their ancestors and the brutal history of their treason to an old ally, your father and grandfather.

With a contempt laced tongue, once again, your father recited the story of betrayal of the lees and the jungs. The story was religiously told to every child once they were old enough to understand the terms like loyalty, allegiance, infidelity and betrayal.

You had vowed to change that. a seed of hatred planted in a younger mind would only yield a crop of vengeance. you aspired to end it. Jaehyun, too, wanted to wash the stains of treachery from his family name.

To your dismay, the army was out to roam the small towns and villages, looking for trespasser enemies.

One day, you were resting in jaehyun's arms and the next day, you were left to sulk as the guards had suddenly decided to reaffirm the reliability of all the hinges. The doors were smacked, locked and unlocked, leaving you with million suspicions and a heavy heart.

The only assurance you had, was in Jaehyun's capability of fooling the security forces. Proud as you were, the unsettling feeling of a blurred future did not let you sleep. For three nights.

Jaehyun wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly from behind.

“easy jaehyun! it tickles!” you exclaimed while controlling your giggling.

“i thought you won’t be here tonight but yo-

“but i managed to sneak!” you finished, turning in his arms to see his beautiful face glistening in the moonlight. “and i don’t know for how much longer i can fool my attendants, what if one day they got in trouble for negligence. The security is doubled outside all the chambers. If I pulled anything, father would not hesitate to behead them.” your face dimmed with the mere thought of the fate of your precious maids and if anything happened to them, your soul would be forever encumbered with the guilt.

your worried eyes didn’t escape jaehyun as he leaned forward to give you a small kiss, soothing your nerves. the small peck left you wanting for more as you bit your lower lip in anticipation of his further actions.

“nothing would happen. it’s been 2 months and nobody in the whole kingdom knows where and with whom their gorgeous princess spends her nights! and besides i’m here to ease the worries of your forever wandering mind. "

"Why do you always have to talk in riddles jae!"

He laughed through your smacks before circling your figure twice, leaving you staggered and dumbfounded.

"What are yo-

"I'm serious. I’m just here to fulfil my promise love.” he caught and pulled you again, keeping just a little distance between you both

“what promise? i don’t remember anything!” you asked genuinely perplexed by his words. as far as your memory too you, the only promise he made was-

your eyes widened at the realisation! jaehyun removed his one hand from your waist, putting it inside the pocket of his pants.

at this point, you could hear your own thumping heart whilst looking at him expectantly.

“let’s relieve you of a huge burden my princess!” he said with a smiling face but as you tried to mirror his expression, a sharp pain coursed through your abdomen.

you wobbled as he left your waist, the pain doubling when he pulled the small knife out of your body, a smirk adorning his features instead.

your body felt hotter than ever as the blood slowly oozed out of your abdomen. no scream left your lips as you pressed the wounded area in a try to lessen the ache.

The solemn tears falling down the cheeks were not for the physical damage but for the broken promise Jaehyun had bestowed upon you with.

“wh-why?” was the only word you could form before your other hand went to grab his arm but was only met with air.

jaehyun loomed closer and his knife met your stomach once again, this time a grievous shriek filled the silent garden.

Your legs lost life, your body finding it harder to withstand the twist of the knife as you fell on the grass, darkness consuming your soul.

“because i couldn’t be on the throne as long as the heir of this kingdom was alive. but your death won’t be worthless love. I shall wear the crown of your sacrifice and reclaim all the lost honour.”

Instead of a deep breath as you had expected, a choked sob left your lips and the whole body convulsed with the painful effort.

Your eyes remained glued to him as he rubbed his face with this sleeve regarding you with the cruelty you never knew he was capable of.

contempt in his orbs served as his last offering towards you as he exited your sight, calling for someone.

After what felt like years, you heard a human voice again but your body gave up before you could comprehend anything.

“you did it my boy!”

Jinyoung broke his hateful glare from the throne and patted a demented jaehyun on the back, congratulating his prime pawn for the successful acquisition. The so called disqualified heirs were now the rulers, a dream that was once broken by their backstabbing friend, the now murdered king of this kingdom.

“and you shall be rewarded for you have made your deceased father proud.” Hand caressing Jaehyun's shoulder, he pretended to wipe the few tears that escaped due to the bitter memory. Cleaning his eyes with the sleeve of his dusted robe, he took the gold crown from his younger brother, jinseok and ran his eyes from jaehyun to the majestic chair on the silver podium.

With pride clotted blood, Jaehyun bowed to him before taking his seat.

The crown was set atop his head, fitting him without any doubt.

It weighed more than he thought.

With a sinister smile, his uncle ordered the assassination of all the loyal members of court.

Guards were beheaded and bodies were counted.

The palace was foraged, to find and kill all the runaways.

A manhunt was announced for the one who wasn’t found.

Nobody knew there were more to be found.

The triumphant smile lit Jaehyun's face for he lost nothing.

Three weeks later.

Donghae’s hands lost all the strength, the plastic bag filled with potatoes now rolling down the uneven and mud washed floor of the hut.

The day he had been anticipating with broken hope and glistening eyes was not a dream anymore.

Your fingers finally trembled against the hard, rugged and rough mattress.

You had decided to open your eyes after three weeks.

Finally he allowed himself to cry.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

Crown hanging between his fingers, his gaze pierced the ground.

You were lying there three weeks ago.

Were you taken away?

Were you no more?

There was no probability of inhaling after how perfectly he had spun his knife.

No man had ever survived his knife, not even his own teacher. There was no way you could have. All the odds were in his favour for all the cards being played with accuracy.

Did he hope for your life?

You were an enemy, just a play. Then why the thought of never beholding you again hurt him so much.

why the weight of the crown crumbled on him with such intensity.

Why did he choose your chamber to stay in?

Yet Why was he unable to sleep?

He grew up seeking answers and taking orders and this time there was no one to respond to his cries.

Neither did anyone care enough to ask him the reason for his quotidian visits to the garden.

I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug

It wasn’t home. But the eyes looking back at you undeniably reminded you of it. A day has passed since you saw the light of the world again but all you did was listen to the gut-wrenching fate your family had met with. Half of the family!

Your parents were murdered in the coup premeditated by none other than the neighbouring jungs. What was equally agonising was the fact that your brother never got to give your parents a respectable farewell. The troops had charged upon their sleepy selves and the mere hanging crown on the naked and bloodied sword of jin young was enough of a proof of the successful attack. Their escape hadn't been easy either but with a little help from the general, they had managed to flee. Zara had led them to you.

Unknown fear consumed you as you read your surroundings. But it was time you admitted to your mistakes and faced the consequences. If there were any brutal ones left. There was nothing you would be unable to endure. So you began with the unanswered questions.

“what is this place?” you asked with a sore throat.

“this is jung’s territory. They are too blinded by their victory that this barren land is the last place they would send their troops to.” donghae replied, feeding you spoonfuls of the soup.

“But how did we reach here?"

"Through the underground war doors. They once joined both of our territories before the jungs were disqualified from trading. This end was opened by our general when we lost too much blood. Their bloody nephew is sitting on the throne, uniting this useless kingdome with ours." He seethed.

You bit your lip to compose yourself. you knew you had to tell them about jaehyun and a broken trust was the last thing you wanted to inject in him but necessity clawed on your heart to reveal everything.

Caressing your face, he acidly began,

"We'll take back everything. No one shall be spared. We are contacting our alliances. By next month, our kingdom would be in the state of siege. Every drop of blood shall be avenged. Jaehyun would pay for what he did."

At his mention, you withdrew your sight from him. Guilt crept up within you as you tried to affiliate every past event with the current one. It was clear as day you were a mere instrument to find a place for the entry of their troops. You were just a puppet. Unknowingly, you had allowed them to enter your parent's bedroom too. You had blood on your hands. Of countless people.

A single tear slipped and the lack of his expression on your face scared zara. She ran to occupy the other side of the bed and caught your head before you broke down in her arms. Jaehyun's lies and betrayal of your love was left somewhere in an old rusted chest of your mind and the pure anguish shattered you into millions of pieces.

You wailed yourself to sleep.

Jaehyun visited you that night. In the form of dust. And he continued breaching your peace as if killing you once wasn't enough.

Now the day bleeds, into nightfall and you are not here, to get me through it all.

Jaehyun woke up in cold sweat. When was the last time he slept with an easy mind?

Maybe the week before he was ordered to finish off what he had started.

He changed rooms.

He changed floors.

But his eyes never closed for even the minor chances of meeting you in the dreamland scared him to death.

With a trembling hand, he picked up the crown and threw it away.

Amusingly, you were still dead.

Were you really that foolish?

Perhaps you resembled every other weak hearted person for whom a pinch of affection was a desperate call to sell their soul and rationality.

You had just wanted to walk down the markets without any constraints pulling you back in. Skipping in the shadows while hiding from the sun was the only desire you had.

Why had he bumped his shoulder into yours? Why had he repeated it again and again until had grown to recognise his touch even through the thick layers of clothing and masked faces?

It's amusing how we end up finding each other in the same place at same time everyday

He had said with a sugary tone when you had questioned him sternly.

You had believed him.

I'm prince Jaehyun, from the other side. I just came here to see the beauty that our place doesn't possess. It's all barren and discarded. No healthy vegetables. No dry fruits. I just enjoy myself every evening and buy some good food for some poor kids. You won't mention this to anyone right? I’ll leave right away if you want though!

How righteous had he sounded!

We'll propose unification and then everything will come to life again. No bloodshed. No backstabbing. No spy plays. We’ll never let history blemish our future.

How had he managed to contradict each and every word he had spoken.

he just changed like the patterns in the kaleidoscope as if you had never reflected in the mirrors of his heart.

Perhaps you never did.

You despised his way of fulfilling his Imperishable love for you!

You were relieved Zara had been the one to inform your brother of this leading cause.

How ruthless he could have been!

You wanted to give his whole kingdom a new life and all he could give you in return was a knife.

I was getting kinda used to being the someone you loved

Jaehyun's fingers turned green for how harshly he picked at the grass. Picking at those innocent blades didn't bring you back.

His cries thundered in the air. He begged for the time to turn itself. He yearned for the love you had shown him. He missed your warmth. He missed your careless laughs. His heart shrieked for you. The only person he had ever loved. The only being who had ever loved him.

Why he couldn't have saved himself from being the traitor of the heart he could've ruled!

You stared at the heavy corset that was made to safeguard you.

You were no expert with a blade but still one was handed over to you as precaution.

The general read you the instructions, mainly focusing on the need to remain hidden underground until the war was over. You and Zara were to be kept away from the weapons.

That was what the commandments directed you to follow.

Today, the wind blew harsher. Maybe he was the only one to feel the strange stillness in the disorder. Everything had been imprudently loud for him lately. Even the riots that shook the doors of the palace. How long could they have held onto something that never belonged to them!

As he dismissed the servant who called him to take charge against your brother, his mind pressed upon bolting all the heavy doors to ignore the murderous stream. He had led one army before but now lacked the courage to pick up his knife and sword, the ones he buried right in the garden where you once laid.

You.

The broken look on your face was the image he wanted to delete from the depths of his mind so desperately yet your presence never left him alone. Maybe it was the sanction of the heavens that you were always there with him. In his days and in his dreams. He got all of your portraits removed yet here you were, standing in front of him with a smile on your face. A quiet rare sight. The radiant face, if not impossible to find, was still very infrequent even in his dreams. The air smelled of you. The atmosphere was enticing. Suddenly, he wanted to chase his dream, to go after you.

So he followed his heart.

Your illusion stayed still, with curved lips making you look ethereal. Even in the darkness, your face illuminated the way for him.

His hand rose, hoping to touch you even though the rational part of his head screamed that it was a lie created by him to save himself from another night of misery but he failed to listen and caved in. Like each time, he expected his hand to pass through you, breaking the charm of his fabrication of you.

But here he was.

Instead of passing through the smoke that you were supposed to be, his hand rested upon the gentle skin that your face had. Retracting his fingers immediately, he fell back in fear, eyes widening and chest heaving.

You were anything but an illusion.

His hand grazed against your cheek before he fell down, stumbling upon his own feet. The crown that decorated his head too withdrew its support, lying on the floor like it had recognised its lawful owner.

"My king." Solemnly, you addressed him. "I hope you are enjoying your new home and title."

As you talked, you watched him collecting himself. As he unclogged the blocks of his mind, awe transformed his face momentarily shaping itself into trepidation. To your disbelief, he brightened up once again. Had he not been liable for the ghastly crimes, you’d have sympathised with the deranged state of the always self possessed jaehyun. Alas! You had nothing to offer him.

Shuffling on his knees, with his head bowed lowly, he spoke with dead voice,

"Forgive me, please." He cried into his joined hands.

"Get up jaehyun. A mighty and worthy king like you doesn't look very honourable bowing to a mere woman like me." Your dangerously honeyed voice resembled the ominous dark clouds brooding atop his head.

But you admired his valor for he kept apologising, burning himself with the false hope of undoing the indelible smudge he had left on you.

"I thought i never loved you y/n but i was utterly wron-

"You are a deceiver King jaehyun. Do not expect me to believe you."

"Don't call me that please!"

"Get up jaehyun." you barked.

"I hate myself for doing that to you y/n." Getting up slowly, he repeated twice. You were yet to see his face and when he rose to his full height, you were met with his bloodshot eyes that could've ached you if your heart hadn't been damaged to the core.

"Don't hate yourself please. You made your family proud. That is what we kids should be aiming for right. I truly admire you for that King jaehyun." The emotionless stress on the end made him close his eyes in pain as he choked out another heart wrenching sob.

"I'm truly sorry y/n, please. I can't take your hatred. I don't want this crown nor do i want to live here anymore."

Your stomach churned at his cries. You had truly underestimated his capability to surprise you but it only made you grip harder on the knife that was tucked in your waistband.

“How naive of you to think that I'll fall for your lies again, jaehyun.”

Rubbing his face with his palms, he looked heavenward,

"No no. I love you. I really really love you.I never realised this until now. I just can’t live without you” and continued as his glistened eyes met yours, “Why are you not listening to me?"

"Don't you think you are a bit late for a true confession."

"Yours was true right. Your love was conditionless. I swear on your love! Forgive me once please. Love is the strongest, you told me this right. I just need you y/n. not this crown. Not anyone else. Just you, Please."

A mean scoff left your lips, "Yes, i was the one who told you about love being the most powerful but that was until you taught me the strength of hatred, jaehyun. You knifed me out of the fairytales i dreamt with you and i don't think i can ever thank you enough for that. The love you are so profoundly swearing to is lying under the debris of the hollow pride and the abhorrence you sheltered for my family. You never once heard my pleas of affection and now you expect me to listen to yours?how can you stoop so low?"

You watched him screaming into the air and crumbling down. You saw him going through the pain you would never recover from yourself and you wanted to end it. For him. It was rather painful to watch him so you mumbled his name.

With newfound belief, he loomed closer with open arms, anticipating a change of heart from you. Maybe you weren't really as unconcerned to him as he had been with you.

but the long blade mutilated his lungs and silent gasps of pain escaped his throat. His miserable eyes ruined the shield you wore and you screamed at him while repeating the thrusts of the sharp blade. Droplets of vengeance imbued the chilled air, drizzling down your neck in the form of sweat.

Somehow the hall was lit and you were forced to see what you had done to him. His grip on the ground faltered and the blade slipped through your fingers, the clink dangerously reverberating in the hall.

Before your hand could reach for him, something pointed grazed your shoulder. You wanted to turn around but more and more spikes pierced through you; the heaviness and the pain that seeped through your back launched you forward and you fell down on another body that had been hosted by the marble a few moments ago. The ache of the arrows left you breathless. Once again, you struggled with your eyelids. within a few seconds, relief padded your back and you discontinued your wrestling.

and perhaps your dead heart was finally at peace.

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