#Breck Montanari x Reader

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Love Until We Freeze Ch.1 Day 0 - Breck/Reader

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, extreme slowburn, stockholm syndrome, enemies (in reader's eyes) to lovers.

Warnings that are constant, but not repeated after this: The reader is afraid but desperate, and is constantly fighting back. Many mentions of depression, loneliness, helplessness, and self-worth. Kidnapping, manipulation, gaslighting, and abuse of all kinds (will be tagged). Varying levels of consent (will also be tagged), Breck touches the reader a lot and doesn't respect their personal space (touching, kissing, grinding, undressing, etc). The other members also don't respect their personal space because of him, literally everyone is terrible to them minus a few kind people because this is a cult. Reader is always being watched, reader has very slight epilepsy and a fear of needles, reader is very cold and will continue to be so.

Wordcount: 3548

Summary: You hated the cold, which is why you weren’t excited at all for the big family trip to the ski resort hours away from where you lived, but the summer heat was killing everyone else, and they were ready to risk the cold killing you for a moment of reprieve from it. The resort was beautiful, the slopes were enticing, and the mysterious man with the business card with a small black diamond in the corner might be more than he seemed when you run into him in the lobby your first day there.

Notes: The songs I listened to while writing~ Here it is, my longest DD fic outside of YMMWS, and as promised, I'm tagging the hell out of it, and it won't be going in DD's tag just in case. I really couldn't take any of the dove out and replace it with something tamer without it ruining what happens next and affecting how the ending goes, so here it is, uncensored for Halloween because I truly love how this one turned out. This will not be a happy fic, there is no cute fluff here (for the most part), you really need to be at least okay with what each chapter's tags are before proceeding, please. With that said, if this darker story does entice you, I hope you enjoy it during this dark month. ♦️

You first saw him while your family was on vacation, it being a trip to the mountain more than a few hours away to escape the summer heat, but it seemed like everyone forgot to actually ask your opinion on the destination since you fucking hated the cold.

There’d been other places you’d wanted to go, other things you’d rather do with your vacation hours off work, but as soon as the weatherman had given the week’s temperatures it’d been locked in, and you weren’t allowed to stay home despite being an adult with your own place, a car, a decently sized apartment; this was family time, you weren’t allowed to just ‘skip it this year’ even though you were so tempted to call back your boss and tell him you couldn’t go just so you’d have an excuse to give them. In the end you hadn’t, and you’d instead had to dig through your winter wardrobe despite the sweltering heat outside, just holding the sweaters and scarves and hats already making you sweat at the thought of putting them on later when it was more appropriate.

The drive up there on its own was practically unbearable, the conversations going on from your parents and relatives surrounding you in the rented minibus making what should’ve been an enjoyable ride through the seasons a headache instead. You’d tried to pull out the book you were currently reading as soon as you’d strapped in, but one of your uncles had seen it and pulled it right out of your hands, telling you to, ‘Talk with the family for once,’ with a big laugh, and you hadn’t seen it again after that. Now you had your head resting against the cooling glass, the snow starting to fall the closer you got to your destination, everyone pointing and talking about the mountain ahead when it came into view.

It was the biggest one closest to you, you’d looked it up when you’d gotten the bad news that it was where you’d be heading in a week’s time, and the entire ski resort had rave reviews about their excellent staff both in the sprawling wooden cabin-style hotel and the instructors on the slopes, as well as the single best double diamond course the States had to offer. Your bigshot cousin, a few years younger than you, boasted about mastering it all the way there, but you highly doubted it; he had a tendency to be all talk, or all wax no wick as you’d heard it said on TV.

You slipped on your warmest jacket before the minibus even stopped, no one else taking the switch from summer to winter as seriously as they wore passable fall outfits for now; they were still in travel and packing modes, but you knew better as the vehicle pulled up to a stop just outside the grand double doors. It was a nice place, you couldn’t deny that as you grabbed your suitcase and backpack from the overhead bin and headed into the warm lobby, it already filled with people getting ready to hit the slopes now that the sun, although covered by clouds for the most part, was high in the sky. You hurried over to the receptionist’s desk to check-in as your family started piling in behind you, each opening of the doors blasting you with the cold, and you gave them your name so you could get the key to your single room and go.

The only way you’d agreed to come was being able to book your own room, you were not about to share no matter how much your parents had argued against it since your single room would be so far away from everyone else’s doubles, but you’d just played it off and acted like that wasn’t exactly what you wanted. As such, your room was on the ground floor while theirs were higher up on the floors above, all spaced out based on availability, and as soon as you were able to separate from them and bask in your solitude you felt yourself instantly relax. You might not be able to leave, and you did have to make at least one appearance outside to avoid your father’s wrath about the wasted money and the fact that you might as well have stayed home if you weren’t going to ski - which you wanted to tell them was also your desire - but at least you had this.

You unpacked your things as slowly as possible, ignoring your phone as it lit up to tell you that everyone would be meeting in the dining room for dinner in a few hours after they were all settled in. You made sure that every single thing was in its place so you could avoid leaving again for as long as you could, finding every excuse to stall until you had no choice but to get acquainted with the space outside your room. You opened up the map on your phone after pulling on your warmest sweater, it was nice inside but you’d rather sweat than take any chances, and the second you left your wing of the hotel and stepped into the lobby you crashed into a group of people waiting to take their lessons. The two you’d hit fell forward, hit two more each, everyone holding onto each other as embarrassment made you cringe and want to bail, the instructor seeing the commotion and parting the group like Moses, his presence commanding respect even as he didn’t say a word.

You noticed the vest first, highly visible to stand out against the snow and trees, then the reflective sunglasses, your face warped in the colour as you looked up at him, and when he took them off to look you in the eye you felt all the embarrassment leave as dark brown irises stared you down. ‘I hope you’re not this clumsy out there, on the mountain,’ he demanded to know, your phone almost slipping from your hand as you stared before you came back to your senses and shook your head.

‘I don’t ski,’ you told him quickly, and he looked you over pointedly.

‘That much is obvious, that’s why you’re in need of my lessons, aren’t you?’ He said it like a question but it almost sounded like a statement, you needed his lessons, you had no choice now that he’d said it.

‘Uh…’

‘Lessons sound great!’ Your head spun as your parents exited the doors behind you, your father’s hand clapping down on your shoulder, trapping you there as the impatient group grew even more so the longer they were kept waiting. ‘How much do you charge?’

‘I’m full up today, but my lessons cost nothing but the love of the powder, the scent of the trees as they fly by, bring those with you as currency and I can teach you everything you want to know,’ he told you instead of your father, his eyes never leaving you and making you feel small. ‘And, for those who want to reach the Double Black, I also do private lessons, but those do cost a considerable amount.’

‘This one’s not going pro anytime soon, we’re just here for the week,’ your father laughed, the man still not looking at him as he just hummed to him with a slight nod, ‘but if my wife and I were to try it, how much would it cost?’

‘You couldn’t afford it.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘I said-’ He finally looked at him, the hand on your shoulder tightening a little as those brown eyes drilled into him with a seriousness you’d never seen before, why was he so intense for a ski instructor? ‘-you couldn’t afford it.’

Your father’s hand dropped from your shoulder as he stormed off, your mother apologizing before chasing after him before his temper spoiled the night, and when you looked from them back to the man you found he was staring at you again, his group ignored behind him until one of the women tapped on his shoulder. ‘Um, are we heading out soon? It’s getting cold,’ she asked, and something flashed in his eyes as he turned his head just enough to face her.

‘If you can’t appreciate the cold of the snow you don’t belong up here, get out,’ he hissed, and she and a few others laughed at his joke before the sound died out one by one, he wasn’t joking. ‘Get. Out.’ His voice was low, level, restrained, and she huffed before grabbing her friend and leaving, the two already talking about how he was hot but not that hot as they went off to grab some lattes to warm up with. ‘If everyone else is prepared then you can meet me outside by the lifts, I’ll be there in just a moment.’

The group just did a collective shrug before heading out, it was a free lesson so the only thing they were really losing was time, and as soon as they were gone he held out his card, pulled from seemingly nowhere; you took it and looked it over, it nothing special aside from his name, which was apparently Breck Montanari, the title of Level 8 Ski Instructor underneath it, which you supposed must be good, as well as a small black diamond in the lower right corner.

‘Thanks, but- I’m not much of a skier, I hate the cold,’ you admitted as you held out the card for him to take back, but he just took it before pressing it back into your palm, his hands enveloping yours as he leaned forward just a little.

‘Then you really need my lessons,’ he almost whispered, or maybe he was speaking at a normal volume and you were blacking out under that gaze, his hands freezing over your own until your skin burned. ‘Come find me at the top of the mountain tomorrow at 8PM, under the marker for the Double Black, I’ll give you your first lesson.’

You couldn’t refuse as he let go of your hand, put his sunglasses back on, and walked outside to rejoin his group, the edges of the card biting into your palm and fingers even without him there to hold it in place.

The rest of the day flew by before you knew it, the card heavy in your pocket as you followed your family around while they toured the place, your appetite almost gone as they sat around you during dinner. You only picked at your food, as delicious as it looked, before excusing yourself with the lie of a headache despite knowing the predictable jokes made at your expense as everyone chided you for walking away. Your room felt much too dark and empty for your liking as you walked inside, stripped down so you could put on your pajamas, get into bed for the night, his card now laying on the nightstand right beside your phone.

Not once did he leave your mind, it was almost like he’d cast a spell on you, and you thought back to his request before sitting up, the blankets bunching around your waist. He wouldn’t be there now, it was the middle of the night and the lifts weren’t even running, but something drew you to get out of bed, get dressed in your warmest clothes, your family sleeping soundly well away from the sound of your door shutting behind you. Your muffled footsteps barely left an echo as you walked over the diamond-patterned red carpet, the other rooms quiet as you passed by them, the lobby still lit up for those who had their own curiosity to them, although you were the only one out there at the moment.

Even the bar patrons had gone to bed over an hour ago, the time on the large ornamental grandfather clock by the entertainment wing’s door showing it was just after 2AM, and you wondered if maybe you’d be locked in when you tried the front doors. You pushed them and they gave way, letting in the most bitter chill you’d ever felt in your life, your scarf covering as much of your face as you could manage, your hat pulled down so low that it was brushing uncomfortably against your eyelids. It was freezing out, it was pitch black, and still you followed the lit up path to the lifts, the currently falling snow covering up all the prints of the day.

You were right, of course you would be, the lifts weren’t moving and it was impossible to walk up the entire mountain so you didn’t know what you were trying to do here as you swore to yourself, sniffling away the burning cold as you attempted to rub some heat back into your arms. ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ you asked yourself, your voice so quiet even without anyone around to cover it up with their own idle chatter. ‘I need to get back inside before I get frostbite, this was so fucking dumb.’

‘What’s dumb about wanting to watch the snow fall?’

You jumped and slipped on the lightly packed powder under your boots, your body landing hard on the shoveled piles behind you, your eyes scanning the darkness until you saw the light reflecting off of his sunglasses. He wore a warmer coat, a hat on his head and gloves on his hands, but he looked like the cold wasn’t affecting him in the slightest, moved like he had no chill whatsoever, this was normal to him. Breck, you refused to call him Mr. Montanari no matter how high his level was after seeing him in that vest, walked up to you and extended his hand for you to take, and you almost refused before you felt the ice seep into your legs, the cold starting to burn the longer you were sitting down.

He pulled you up with ease, your chest colliding against his and trapping your hands together between them, and you didn’t know if it was just the material of his coat or if he was even colder than the snow. ‘The doors lock at 2:30, after the bar closes down, so no one drunkenly wanders outside and gets themselves killed,’ he explained without letting go, fear starting to overtake you at the thought of being trapped out there until dawn. ‘The other… instructors and I have our own place up the mountain, away from the hotel; I can take you there, if you’d rather not freeze to death tonight?’

‘You sure there’s no way inside?’ you couldn’t stop yourself from asking, and when he smiled at you you noticed that his right canine stuck out a little further than the rest, it catching on his chapped lips.

‘I’m sure.’

‘Then let’s go, please.’ You knew this was even more stupid than coming out in the middle of the night, but he worked there, your parents had seen him talking to you, his card was on your nightstand still, if he did end up killing you on this mountain then he’d never get away with it. That thought didn’t ease you though as he brought you to an idly running ATV, how you’d walked right past it you didn’t know, but the inside was at least a little warmer as you shut your door and strapped in your seatbelt. The heat was on a low setting and you stared at the dial, willing it to turn as he sat down next to you and started the engine back up, and you were sure he noticed you staring as he let out a small chuckle and just started driving.

It was pitch black and the snow gave him such little visibility but he still knew where he was going, following a drivable path up the mountain just for his vehicle as well as his co-workers’, the hotel quickly disappearing behind the sheet of white and black in the distance until all you saw was what the headlights showed to you. It took a good half hour, maybe longer, you didn’t know as you shut your eyes and bunched up to try and cling to your remaining warmth, but he did eventually reach a secondary building high up on the mountain as promised. There were many other vehicles already parked there, but he drove past them as he rounded off to the side where a garage was waiting; he clicked a button on his keychain and the middle door lifted open, a space waiting for him with an owner sign of nothing more than a large black diamond on the wall at the end.

He parked, shut off the engine, and then got out, not even waiting for you to follow before leaving the garage, the lights turning off one by one the longer you waited. As soon as you saw what was happening you scrambled to get out before you were plunged into complete darkness, your phone unable to provide a light since you’d stupidly left it on your nightstand in your hurry to leave, and you just managed to reach the door on numb legs as the final light shut off. You threw it open and fell to the ground on the other side, your hands shaking as they hovered over the cement and tile floor, the wet footprints of Breck leading to his boots as well as two others as you slowly looked up, the strangers wearing gray sweaters with blue squares right in the middle standing above you without saying a word.

‘You’ll freeze down there, the floor isn’t very insulated,’ he simply said as they all stared at you, and when you were too stunned to move he motioned towards you, the two lifting you up by your arms and helping you stand. ‘Your room is this way, it isn’t as nice as back at the hotel, but you don’t have much of a choice up here, all the good rooms are for the Black Diamonds,’ he explained as you were all but dragged down the hall, your feet unable to keep up with them with how much the numbness was spreading. You’d never been this cold in your life, the winters back home didn’t even feel this bad, but it also could’ve had to do with the fact that you were so afraid of what was going on that you were finding it hard to move regardless.

He stopped outside a long line of doors, the numbers going up the only indicators of what was on the other sides to those who understood, and he flipped to a generic key on his keyring and unlocked it, your fight or flight finally kicking in at the sight. You tried to fight them off, needing to put some distance between whatever the fuck he intended for you inside that room and yourself, but when he grabbed you by the scarf, pulled it right off from around your dry throat you froze, staring up at him as he handed the scarf to the person to your left. Your hat came next, then he was undoing the zipper of your coat, and as soon as you heard the sound echo down the hallway you yanked yourself free and fell, your hands coming up to pull it closed again.

‘Oh, just what do you think I’m going to do with you?’ he asked, but there was a dark playfulness behind his words that hadn’t been there before, one you couldn’t trust as you were lifted back up again and carried inside. The room held a single bed with only a pillow and a sheet that definitely wouldn’t keep you warm, as well as a small bedside table with a single drawer, and a square table pushed into the corner by the door with only one chair; it looked like a slightly comfier prison cell than a spare room, and you looked back over your shoulder at him as your chest started to heave.

‘Will you bring me back tomorrow?’ you tried not to plead, and he just grinned at you before putting his sunglasses back on even though he was indoors and it was the middle of the night, although his eyes offered you no hope before they were hidden from sight.

‘You still need your first lesson,’ he smirked, and when you were dropped on the bed you bounced a little and tried to crawl towards him, your aching legs instantly sinking into the thin but comfortable mattress.

‘But you said I couldn’t afford it,’ you panicked, the two leaving the room so he could grab onto the handle.

‘I said your parents couldn’t afford it, you still don’t know what the price is.’

The door started to shut, and it took you a moment to realize that the light had never been on, and the window was up so high and was so small that once the door was shut you’d be back in that darkness again.

‘What’s the price? Just fucking tell me and I’ll pay it!’ You were getting desperate, you wanted out, you never wanted this, but this time he didn’t answer as the door clicked shut, his keys jingling again as you were locked in.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Love Until We Freeze Ch.9 Day 43 - Breck/Reader [END]

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, handjobs, blowjobs, reader now likes it rough, masturbation, mentions of recovery and healing injuries.

Wordcount: 4843

Summary: You finally know what happiness feels like, and it's cold and beautiful like freshly fallen snow.

Notes: We've reached the end, and if you've been reading from the beginning, I just wanna give you a big hug and thanks from the bottom of my heart. I love this story even though it's probably the darkest reader I'll ever post (outside of whatever I come up with for Dwight and Ray, I'm sure), and I'm grateful for everyone who's read this, especially my lovely bffs who encouraged me to share it, I love you all so much~ ♦️♦️

‘Do you ever have sinus infections, caused by allergies or colds?’

You were in a meeting room, the familiar logo of the Uler Institute to your left while your Tester waited for your answer in the chair across from you, the pen in his hand hovering over the paper patiently.

‘I don’t.’

‘Do you find yourself clumsy, either tripping or breaking things, such as dishes?’

You picked at a thread sticking out from the sleeve of your sweater, and when you made it worse you held it out for the man to try, one quick snap and it was gone.

‘Not since the bandages came off.’

‘When was the last time you remember an incident?’

You instantly recalled the biggest one, it’d been hell to work through but the end results had been so worth it, each update brought to you as you lay in bed and recovered.

‘A month ago, another member died in the library; such a shame, I heard he was nice.’

A smirk, and then his mouth pressed into an even line again.

‘Do you find it difficult expressing your creativity?’

Your finger traced a figure 8 onto the glass surface of the table, your prints smudging the otherwise pristine surface as you made the shape over and over.

‘I never realized how much I used to until I came here.’

‘Do you recall a time when you felt happy outside?’

You stopped moving, your eyes meeting his as the corner of your mouth curled into a small smile.

‘Yesterday, when I got back.’

‘How about when you made someone happy?’

Your smile grew as he gave you one to match.

‘Today, when I met you in the hall for breakfast.’

‘And when you made yourself happy?’

Your chair skidded across the floor a little as you watched him shift, his legs spreading wide out of sight as he leaned back in his chair and waited for your answer.

‘A month ago, when I made you mine.’

‘Do you remember when you stroked an object?’

You bit your lip, your chair moving back a little more as you watched his thumb rub over the pen.

‘You know the answer to that one,’ you reminded him, but when he didn’t write anything down you smirked. ‘Last night.’

‘So, if an object were to be presented to you again, do you think you’d be able to give me an example of stroking it?’ he asked lowly, your feet already moving on their own as you stood and walked around the table to him.

‘That depends on the object,’ you teased as you stood between his legs, Breck just watching you as he tapped the end of the pen against the paper a few times, his hand easily letting go as you took it from him and held it up. ‘Would this suffice?’

‘I think I can find you something better,’ was all he had to say before you were dropping to your knees and working on his belt. He sighed as you pulled him out, the camera watching as always as you ignored it and took him in hand, his encouraging sounds all you needed as he got hard under your palm; they were used to this by now, and you didn’t care if they watched or not as you started to stroke him as instructed, his hips moving slightly to thrust into your hand as you squeezed him tight until he was hissing your name. ‘I don’t wanna fail, don’t mess me up,’ you warned him playfully, and he stilled as he tangled his hand in your hair and waited for you to continue.

You jerked him off slowly, made him want more until you could tell he was almost ready to beg for it, your control over him well practiced by now after so many visits to your hospital room over the past month; it wasn’t often you got this much say over how he wanted you to get him off, and you knew you were playing with a loaded gun as you looked up at him and licked the precome from the tip. He hissed again, the hand in your hair pulling hard, you were only allowed to use your hand, but you couldn’t help it as you sped up and leaned forward again. You took the head into your mouth, your tongue swirling around him as you pumped, Breck moving again as he couldn’t help but try and fuck into your welcome heat.

You laughed around him and made him groan, you loved knowing how crazy you made him, how you were the only one to make him act like this, and you hollowed your cheeks as you pulled your hand away and lowered yourself onto him. The sound he made as he shoved your head down all the way was animalistic, his dick hitting the back of your throat and almost making you gag, but you were used to his methods by now, the sick part of you that still felt every scar he’d left behind, still felt his hands around your throat as he grinded against you in the snow, wanting him to be just as rough as he wanted because you knew how much he loved it, and honestly, so did you.

You let him hold on tight and guide your head up and down, nothing but an object for him to fuck as his hips started to properly thrust, he needed to come, he needed you to taste it again. Your eyes rolled back as he started to slide down your throat just enough to stop you from breathing, your lungs aching as he pulled your head back and slammed your face down to the base. Your nose was tickled by the dark hair there, your now free hand palming yourself until you couldn’t take it anymore and you had to pop the button on your pants and reach inside. Your moans only added to it more, made him crave you until he was repeating your name over and over, and you nearly fell as he suddenly stood and used one hand to brace himself on the table.

He fucked you even harder now that he could move freely, his whispers of, ‘C’mon,’ ‘Take it,’ ‘You feel so good, you’re so good to me, Bunny,’ bringing you to the edge until you were coming all over your hand, Breck thrusting as far down your throat as he could as he held your head in place, your fingers digging into his shaking thigh as you felt a salty heat shoot down your throat. He was a mess by the time he finally pulled you off so you could breathe, your eyes lidded as you desperately sucked in a lungful of air as your head swam.

‘Good boy,’ he sighed as his dick gave one final twitch, the praise making your eyes flutter shut as you gave yourself another rub. He collapsed back into his chair and admired you as you sat on your heels, your hand still down your pants as you caught your breath, and he went to write something down when he hesitated and chuckled to himself. ‘You- you technically didn’t finish stroking the object, so we’ll need to come back to that one at the end,’ he let you know as he regained control over his voice, your hand wet and shining in the lights as you removed it from your pants and went to rub off the mess on the carpet; he noticed and motioned for you to stop, and you licked your lips as he cleaned you up with his tongue.

‘Damn, will I be provided the same object, or will I have to find something else?’ you asked smugly as you took your hand back, Breck looking you over before settling on the damp spot forming between your legs.

‘I think I’ll be able to find something; now, do you remember a time you went fast?’

You tucked him back in for him before pulling him down to kiss you, your teeth biting his bottom lip as you tasted yourself on his tongue before pulling away, his mouth chasing after yours as he always did when you moved away first. ‘Does last night count?’

It’d been a long month between you killing Topher, the new Double Black that only few knew about, and now as you filled up your small dresser with winter clothes, a large amount of gray sweaters provided to you but a shopping spree in town before you came back up the mountain covering the rest. You finished up and looked around your new room, it bigger than the one you’d spent that long week in, as well as sporting a decently large window this time with a beautiful view to boot, and there were no cameras to watch you as you sat down on the bed and pulled on your boots. You’d gotten back just yesterday, that month spent in the same hospital Breck had been shipped off to after his fight with Mead, the doctors and nurses all paid off in silence, you were never there, although it wasn’t like anyone would’ve recognized you anyway.

Your parents had given up the search after day one, already so used to the idea of you being gone that they’d bit the bullet and just left, so there was no one on the hunt for you as you were tended to, but they were dead to you now, it wasn’t like you wanted to go home anymore anyway. No, this place was your new home as you looked out onto the mountain, the sun shining through the clouds and making the fresh powder shimmer like diamonds, and you thought it was beautiful as a knock came to your open door. It was Chet, all the bad blood gone between you after he’d paid you back with all the tasing, a diamond on his chest as he just looked at how happy you were before nodding down towards the hallway.

‘He’s ready for you,’ he let you know, and you nodded back before grabbing your hat and your gloves, your coat left behind.

You followed him to the back door, a bunch of other members slowly joining you until you had a proper group, everyone dressed to go outside as the door was opened and you all headed for the large backyard between the facility and where the mountain stretched up high into the clouds. It was chilly out but your two days outside had killed a lot of the feeling in some places, permanent scars where the cold would never touch you again, and you just tugged your hat over your ears a little more before following them to where a group of people were already gathered.

A few members of the Council were there for you, not all of them, they were too busy, but Breck had wanted their approval for this as you walked up to the hole in the ground that he was finishing up as you approached. He didn’t say anything to you, but he looked proud as the oldest member, Chad, motioned for you to come forward as the others gathered around. ‘We’re totally excited to welcome this jerry into our midst, after a long month of recovery from this beautiful cold that was sadly too much to handle. The storm has finally passed, and now, today, we cheer our fellow enthusiast on as the snow freezes away the past, and carries you into the future with us.’

It was still the stupidest thing you’d ever heard, but you understood the meaning behind it as Breck and Chad held out their hands for you to take. Your own still shook a little in your recovery but they held on tight as you stepped into the hole, everyone gathering around as you laid down and kept your breathing calm. You didn’t fight it as the snow was pushed back onto you, covering you up until you were buried in it up to your neck, your gray sweater already letting the heat of your body melt the snow and accepting that familiar cold into your skin. ‘It’s only for 4 minutes, you’ve lived through worse, little Snowbunny,’ Breck whispered to you under his breath as he and Chad started to build an air pocket over your face so you didn’t suffocate and get frostbite instantly, and you nodded before it was closed off and you were left in the dark.

You kept your breathing steady, careful not to move as you stared up at the packed snow above you, one wrong move and it’d collapse; it wasn’t thick enough to kill you but you knew he wouldn’t be able to get you out until the four minutes were done, that was part of the ceremony. It’d happened to him he’d confessed as he held you the night before, and when he’d almost failed when the cold and lack of air became too much, all he’d seen was his own Tester staring down at him in disappointment. He hadn’t failed the second time, his own request the night he became a Diamond, and she was the first one he killed, just to see if he could, the word that Mead had also joined and never even looked for him telling him all he needed to know about their so-called lifelong friendship and eventual relationship.

You thought of him as you shut your eyes and let the cold envelope every part of you that wasn’t forever numb, how he’d been the first thing you’d seen when you opened your eyes in that hospital bed, his hand around yours as he slept in the chair pulled up next to you. You’d found out you’d been asleep for days, honestly they didn’t know how you’d survived as they catalogued everything, and they hadn’t let you leave until every last injury had been checked, every last box ticked. You’d remained on IVs for so long to make up for the malnutrition that your phobia was cured, although the first time you’d looked down and saw the needle taped to your skin you’d nearly thrown up again until he had you concentrate on him instead.

You’d had to go through some serious physical therapy as your legs healed, you should not have been walking all that time but the cold had tricked your brain into thinking it’d been better than it was, and now you were paying the price. A couple fingers had been in serious danger of being amputated for a while there, but as your body accepted the treatment and you let them rest for real you were eventually able to move them again, the dark skin fading to purple, then red, then pink, then normal, more dead patches killing the feeling while a couple still had trouble moving. All of the wounds that had torn open thanks to your Diamond had to be stitched, a bunch of the deeper welts joining your canvas of scars while the rest healed, and Breck had kissed every single one when he’d finally been able to see you again after a week of him almost being banned for being the cause.

He couldn’t be there every day, he still had to stand trial just like Topher had said, but surprisingly they’d viewed his dedication to you and to the Institute as something to be praised, which is sadly what Topher never saw, they all admitted to him as he stood before them in the Portland hotel’s grand party room. He hadn’t believed it, and you hadn’t either after Topher had seemed so convinced that he would be banished for this, but the idea to have him excommunicated had been their own test to him to see what he’d do, and you’d been the one to pass it instead.

You didn’t even realize he was capable of such kindness as he’d visited you that night with the good news, your door closed so you could speak privately, his eyes wide and showing so much positive emotion it was almost like he was a different man; this was the man you’d seen on the bunny hill that day as you’d looked over to him and smiled, the one who looked so happy as he stood next to Casey in the photo on his bookshelf, and you understood happiness as he’d held your hand and thanked you for choosing him.

He’d genuinely surprised you then as he’d gifted you back some of the things you thought you’d lost forever; the hotel had found them in the trash, most of your random things too painful to bring back home, and you’d stared as he’d handed you your wallet, a few shirts you’d packed that you’d had for years, and the book Uncle Frank had stolen from you, your page still bookmarked with his old receipt and waiting for you to finally see how it ended. You’d read a chapter together with him that night, his large and lanky frame taking up half the bed as he refused to leave you, and the nurse had found you together like that when she came to make sure you were still alive at the sight of your low heartbeat, the reason being the true contentment you felt in his arms.

You felt a drop of water hit your forehead and you fought not to flinch, your eyes staying closed as you thought about how Breck had been the one to walk you out of the hospital, take you shopping so you’d have some more appropriate clothes to bring back with you, and then take you to dinner at the hotel to celebrate his promotion; he’d looked genuinely happy as he held your hand from across the hand-carved table, the fireplace behind you warming you up as you realized that he’d finally been made Double Black thanks to you, and you’d kissed him in front of everyone as the snow kept falling outside.

Another drop hit you, then another, and you had just enough time to hold your breath before the snow collapsed on top of you; it was too warm out today but neither of you wanted to wait when he’d been able to convince Chad of all people to come, and you just counted the seconds as you waited for your time to be up. It was cold, but you’d done this before, your lungs begging for air as you tried your damndest to not breathe through your nose. You could hear shuffling above you, they’d seen the dome fall, and you couldn’t stop the twitches as you started to get lightheaded.

Just four minutes, I’ve survived worse, you reminded yourself, and when your time was up and Breck reached in to grab you by the shoulders and sit you up you sucked in the cold air until it burned. He brushed the snow from your face as Chad announced your name to everyone, the rest of the members cheering for their latest addition as Breck kissed you before you smiled into the sun.

After a quick talk with Chad and the other visiting Council member about your new place here, as well as the secrecy of Breck’s new position despite your low status, the two of you walked down to the Diamonds’ cafeteria, a lunch-themed feast for a king similar to what you’d received back when you first arrived placed in front of you to match his. You scarfed it down, careful not to burn yourself on the hot chocolate as the mini marshmallows made it all the more sweeter, Breck just watching you as he ate his own food. You could get used to this, no more going to a job you just barely tolerated with people who ignored you, worrying about bills and rising rent, family who didn’t give a fuck about you to the point where you felt like pulling away was your only option.

You were happy up there, and the green circle on your sweater made you feel almost proud as Breck told you all about your new job down at the hotel to go along with his skiing lessons. ‘It won’t be much, but you can learn along with the other amateurs,’ he told you with a big sip of his drink, your punch to his arm nearly making him choke.

‘You calling me an amateur?’ you teased in mock offense, and he raised an eyebrow at you and smirked as he lowered his glass.

‘You still haven’t made it off the bunny hill, I’ve seen children ski better than you,’ he chided playfully, and you stole one of his fries and chewed loudly on it.

‘Maybe I just have a shitty teacher who just tied my skis and pushed me down a hill.’ You went for another and he stopped you, his fingers digging into your wrist and making you bite your lip.

‘I did say I was offering private lessons, I think you might be a little more deserving of them now,’ he reminded you, another card leaving his pocket and making you laugh as you noticed that he’d had them updated now that he was considered a Level 9, two small, black diamonds in the lower right corner. You tapped it against the table a couple times before pocketing it, knowing that he’d had to have had that prepared just for this moment, seeing as his new status was supposed to be a secret and all, and finding him so obnoxiously cute as he waited for your answer.

‘Private lessons, huh? Sounds expensive, I dunno if I could afford it,’ you wondered aloud as you pursed your lips and rubbed your finger against your chin in thought, Breck taking your hand and holding it seriously as his smile fell to something more genuine.

‘Do you want to know the price?’ he asked, your own smile falling as you held him tightly back and nodded, both of your hands now held over the table on either side of your meals. ‘Your everlasting loyalty to the Lodge, and to Uler Institute, Edmund Casey, and his teachings,’ he finally revealed, and while you couldn’t promise that, you felt your heart clench as his grip tightened. ‘And… to me.’

You’d talked about his abandonment issues just once as he lay in your hospital bed with you, his hands careful not to disturb anything trying to put you back together as he confessed that even though he hadn’t loved Mead in a long time, it still hurt when he found out that she’d left him just like his own family had when word of his faked death had gotten to them, how she’d joined after him and still became the new Double Black, all without letting him know she was there. He’d had to find out through the other members as they talked about her in Portland, and even though he had left her with just a note that he was heading there and that it was over, he still couldn’t forgive her for everything, it all leading up to their showdown in Portland’s own facility where he’d been living after he thought he’d killed her.

He’d walked away from it with a bullet piercing his lung and one in her back, and he hadn’t let himself get close to anyone else ever since, not even his other charges because he knew they’d eventually leave him too. No one, until he met you, and everything he’d been trying to bury crawled out of the snow the moment he’d seen the way you’d looked up at him.

‘I think I can afford that,’ you said softly without any hint of a joke, and the small smile he gave you was genuine as he stood up to lean over the table and kiss you, his thumb rubbing over the small black tattoo on your right wrist of a bunny, its head the inked lighter burn he’d left behind, its nose a small square, and its ears two diamonds.

He never left your side for the rest of the day, tomorrow you’d both have to go down and work but today you could still rest up, make sure you were ready to get back out there without messing yourself up more. All your missing posters had been taken down as he’d threatened back then, and together you’d burnt them using the lighter you’d bought him back in Portland while he pressed approving kisses to your shoulder. You were currently walking through the Diamond wing when you linked your arm with his, something sentimental cropping up inside you as you headed to your room. He glanced down at you with a smirk but didn’t push you off even as two Diamonds walked past and whispered about you, Breck still tensing under your hold; everyone knew about you and what he’d done and sometimes they still talked about it, but he relaxed as you reached for his hand so it could rest over your arm, you wouldn’t let him leave you.

‘You’re sleeping too far away from me,’ he murmured as he rubbed his thumb over your sleeve, and you let out a quick laugh as you tried not to agree.

‘I think I’ll be getting a promotion soon,’ you wondered aloud, Breck just raising an eyebrow at you. ‘Oh yeah, I’ll be a Diamond too in no time, I hear the Double Black has a thing for me,’ you joked quietly enough that the cameras wouldn’t hear you, although he gave you a warning pinch for saying it anyway.

‘Should I be jealous?’ he just asked as you tried to pull away, your skin red and standing out among the scars as he pushed up your sleeve to rub it better.

‘Keep that up and you should be,’ you warned right back, a second pinch to your bare skin making you actually let out a yelp when he did it harder. Another Diamond walked by and quickly looked away as he hurt you, it still a little awkward the way you accepted whatever he did to you now for everyone after seeing the state you’d ended up in, but ever since you’d woken up in that hospital bed he’d been more careful with you. He was still rough, loved holding you down and using you, but it was different now, you craved him just as much as he craved you, and you realized the night before that he’d finally learned the meaning of aftercare as he’d held you and kissed the bruises he’d left behind on your hips until they didn’t hurt as much anymore.

There was love in his actions now, he wanted you to feel good now that he knew how it felt for you to hold him back, all his walls broken down as you’d been the one to climb on top of him and pin his hands to his pillows. You didn’t know how he’d been with Mead when they were together, but you’d hoped that you were able to help him finally kill her in his mind as you’d kissed him until he was tangling his hands in your hair, your hold easily broken as you cupped his cheeks and silently begged for more.

He’d finally told you he loved you last night as you lay in the afterglow, and for once it wasn’t ruined as you’d placed your hand over his scar and let him rub circles over the bunny on your wrist.

‘By the way, I’ve already got my name picked out,’ you said before the sentimentality fully took hold, your eyes already welling up as you mentally prepared to spend the night without him now that you had your own, permanent-until-your-Diamond-promotion room in the Square’s wing despite your Circle status, since they'd figured you’d had enough of the testing wing to last you a lifetime.

‘You finally gunna change it to Bunny?’

‘Fuck no, I mean my last name,’ you laughed as you gazed at the row of nametags plastered to the wall ahead of you.

‘Still got a long way before you get to make it official,’ he mused as he also looked, and you held him just a little tighter as his own finally came into view ahead.

‘I know, but… I was thinking of making it Dumont, actually,’ you admitted, and when he slowed you looked up to meet his eye. ‘It means, “from the mountain,” in French.’

Something shone in his eyes as your name meaning matched his, and you never made it out of the wing as he picked you up and carried you back to his room, your thumb secretly brushing over his own new tattoo resting between his shoulder blades; two black diamonds darkened his skin under his sweater as he pushed open the door and brought you inside with a kiss, and your boot kicked the door closed with a bang behind him as you kissed him right back.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Love Until We Freeze Ch.8 Day 7 - Breck/Reader

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, overwhelming hopelessness, various attempts at murder, wishes for death, reader accidentally hurts themselves again, reader is the coldest they've ever been, oral sex, jerking off, mentions of reader's abuse, character death, sex.

Wordcount: 10966

Summary: You were so close, and now there was no way to get back down to the hotel before your parents left, unless...

Notes: It's all been building up to this. One final test for the reader, and it isn't an easy one even compared to yesterday. On a lighter note, no, the man in this chapter isn't Matty this time despite the name I picked, because I wrote this before I started sneaking cameos in each fic, plus the second my bff mentioned he could play the man I was picturing in my head I started blushing so hard I forgot how to type oop- so he's played by Lucas MacGyver instead lol

6AM, Sunday morning, your family was leaving today.

Chet kept you up all night as you were regularly examined, your vitals checking out even with the zaps you kept receiving. You couldn’t do another day of this, you might actually try and grab it from him if you found out they still needed to keep an eye on you, see how long you could last with the barbs pressed to your temple. They seemed to sense your resolve on the matter, Chet escorted from the room as you eyed the device in his hand, the burns from it still stinging as they were looked at as well. 

‘20 minutes,’ one of the Square suddenly whispered to you as they all went to leave, ‘he’s allowing you 20 minutes, but that’s all.’ You didn’t get a chance to ask when it started as the door closed, and in your hurry you shut your eyes and tried to get some rest before you were yanked back to this. It was day 3, you were beyond exhausted, but your adrenaline was racing too much, you couldn’t do it, and when the buzzer went off again you couldn’t even summon enough energy to feel forlorn. You didn’t even feel tired anymore, you’d stopped feeling that as well, your hunger long forgotten on top of it all, you truly were numb as you just laid there and stared because it was the only thing left you could do.

The visions from your trek played like a montage over the ceiling tiles as you gazed up at them, and you repeated them over and over until it became too much and you finally broke down; you’d been crying all week, but the hopelessness of your reality hurt too much, you couldn’t take it as you wailed loudly into the blood stains you’d left behind, your mittens rubbing comfort into your arms as you curled up as much as you could. They’d been right there, if only you’d waited out the storm, or left a day earlier, then maybe they would’ve been around to see you, be able to hear you, save you. This was unbearable, you felt paralyzed as you lay there, so beyond numb that you didn’t think you’d ever know how to feel anything but this ever again.

Your breathing started to even out as your door opened much sooner than you expected, and your relief felt hollow as you finally saw Breck standing there with his sunglasses on again, it’d been days since you’d seen them and they made the room feel colder as he looked down at you. It took him a moment before he did walk in, a small remote leaving his pocket and clicking in the direction of the camera as the red light turned off, he needed privacy, this wasn’t good. You didn’t feel fear though as he stepped onto your bed with his boots, at least they were dry as he straddled you, but no heat came off of him, he wasn’t going to touch you this time.

He just stared at you, his mouth a hard line as you tried to see his eyes, and you felt so small under his unreadable gaze as you managed to sit up, your legs still under him. You tried to speak but nothing felt right, not after everything you’d confessed the night before, not when you didn’t even know if he’d heard it. You expected him to still be upset with you, but if he hit you now it would only add to the damage, or maybe be lost in the sea of fire you felt under your skin as the cold room did little to cure it. He stared until you couldn’t take it any longer, and when you lifted up your hands to feebly take his glasses off you felt everything come crashing down as your eyes met his.

He’d been crying too, and he was furious.

The gun came back out as his glasses hit the mattress, the magazine pulled out fast to show you that it was loaded this time before he pressed it to your stomach; you’d betrayed him, he’d warned you about this, and you just braced yourself on his shoulders and waited for it to end. You sucked in a breath through your teeth when it didn’t come, Breck looking like he was working himself up to it as his anger intensified. His own pain showed on his face as he placed the gun against your temple instead, he wanted to watch the lights leave your eyes, and you tried to give him that much as the tears fell down your cheeks.

‘Do it,’ you whispered softly, you needed him to, you couldn’t spend the rest of your life up here otherwise. ‘It’s okay, I don’t wanna be here anymore, please give me clarity.’ He shifted closer, his clenched teeth showing as his fingers adjusted over the grip, just one squeeze of the trigger and you’d be free, he wouldn’t be able to save you from this one. ‘Please,’ you begged, your voice breaking the longer he waited, his other hand finding your jaw and making you hiss, ‘we both know I’m always gunna be nothing, I’m just a lost cause, I’ll never be good enough for your happiness, so just… put me out of my misery, Breck…’

He actually shook his head, so small and quick you almost missed it, his anger melting into genuine sorrow as he shut his eyes and yelled, the sound making you do so as well as you waited for the bullet, but instead you heard him take it away, Breck switching the safety back on and throwing it out of reach before pulling your mouth to his. You kissed him back as he took what he needed, not wanted, everything desperate about it all as he barely stopped to breathe. Your head tilted back as he kneeled over you, his height showing as he gripped the sides of your face tight and didn’t let go.

‘You left me,’ he gasped before kissing you again, and you didn’t hold him back as you felt something hot and wet hit your cheek, your eyes staying closed for his sake.

‘I had to,’ you replied when he pulled away again, you felt nothing from this, but you were sure he didn’t either.

‘You tried to kill me, too, you hate me that much?’ More kisses, more wetness against your skin.

‘You’d have killed me otherwise.’ He didn’t deny it, and you wished you could push him away as your hands rested against his chest just over where you’d swung at him.

He held you by the back of the head and lowered you down, the camera light still off as he broke away to brace his hands on the mattress on either side of your head; he was thinking about what to do, and you felt nothing as he looked up at the gun but didn’t move to get it. He was breathing just as heavily as you were, you’d never seen him like this, your betrayal had hit him harder than anything you’d done to him so far, and when he wrapped both hands around your throat and started to squeeze you just closed your eyes and waited.

‘Fuck!’ He got off of you, nothing in your room to damage other than your door as he punched into the wood, it actually giving way and splintering on this side. You continued to lay there even as you jumped at the sound, your hands resting over your chest as you let him decide what to do, the gun just above your head and his back to you but your hands were useless; as he picked the splinters from his knuckles you didn’t even know if you wanted to shoot him or yourself as your dream came to mind again, and that thought made you feel even worse.

He paced the room, clearly unable to decide if he wanted to hurt you or not as he lifted his foot but didn’t kick or stomp right away, his fists clenched but never making contact, your tears slowing to a stop as death floated above you like an angel, always close enough to touch but never coming near enough for either of you to. Finally he decided on the gun, the safety off as he stood above you and aimed down, this was impersonal, this was detached, you wouldn’t make a mess as you blended into the red and rusty brown blossoming amongst the white, your bandages feeling all the tighter as you stared into the blackhole above you.

‘I hate you,’ you told him, but there was no venom behind your words, just another plea to get him to stop making you wait, and he steeled himself before pulling the trigger.

Your entire body tensed as this time you heard the shot ring out, another gasp leaving you that you weren’t sure was in surprise or relief. You felt no pain though, maybe it was over that fast and you were already flying, but as you opened your eyes you still saw him there, the gun falling to his side as he caught his breath, his expression hardening again. You blinked a few times in confusion before looking around, your eyes eventually settling on the hole tearing into the mattress right beside your head; he’d missed, there was no way he could’ve unless it was on purpose, but he didn’t try again as he turned the safety back on and stuffed the gun back into place.

‘You hate me that much?’ he asked again, but you knew he didn’t want an answer as he reached down and grabbed onto you. ‘You wanna go outside so bad? Cryo not enough for you to numb it all? Fine, you can go, get the fuck out of here.’ He dragged you to your feet, your confused hope turning into panic once more as the room filled with Squares, they’d been waiting to clean up his mess again. You looked between them as you were forced into more weather-appropriate clothes, Breck letting you go as you were so protected from the cold that you actually started sweating, proper mittens even pulled over your hands to keep them warm.

You looked at him, a silent question on if he was serious when he grabbed you again and headed for the back door, no one giving him a coat this time to pull over his vest as he carried you out into the aftermath of the blizzard.

There was ice hanging off of everything, beautiful and sharp as the sun shone through the cloudy glass, and you were almost mesmerized by it as you were dragged over to what appeared to be a tool shed tucked between a few trees to help protect it from the harsh conditions. He took out his keys and made quick work of the padlock, needing to chip away at the ice frozen over it too for just a moment before opening the door to reveal everything they needed to survive up there, from shovels to window scrapers to snowblowers to even a wall of extra firewood. You looked around for some skis when you noticed the chair right in the middle of the small room, Breck starting to pull you towards it when you finally fought back.

You tugged against his grip, used the doorway to keep yourself outside, but you were still running on little food and even less sleep, and when he yanked you so hard you swore your shoulder almost popped you let yourself be thrown onto the freezing hand-crafted wood. You rolled your shoulder as he threw all of your possible weapons into the snow, emptying out the room almost entirely until it was just you and your chair, the firewood and two small windows up high on the walls to your sides the only things he couldn’t take, and when he was done he gave you his coldest look yet before slamming the door and sliding the lock through the hasp.

You got off of the chair and slammed your hands into the door, calling his name until a loud bang from the other side silenced you. ‘You find a way to get out of there, and you can go, I won’t stop you,’ he promised, and you made sure it wouldn’t just open before pushing it, then shoving it, and then slamming your abused shoulder into it. It didn’t budge, it was made to keep everything inside safe, and he clicked the lock back into place as your final test before walking away.

‘Wait! Don’t leave me out here!’ you yelled desperately as you banged on the door, the resulting silence making you bring the chair over to the wall. You stood up and tried to see out of the window but it was too high and your hands were useless, the cold instantly coming in as you cracked it open and stood on your tiptoes. ‘Breck! Don’t leave me!!’

It took you a while to pick yourself back up after you'd collapsed against the wall, all huddled up for warmth as you waited for him to come back, but deep down you knew he wouldn't; you didn't know how, but something you'd said or done had made him unable to pull the trigger after everything, but he still wanted you to hurt for leaving, even if he promised you could go for real. You had to earn it now that you had his permission, there would be no need to run and hide this time, you just needed to get out and that would be it, otherwise the cold would kill you when he couldn’t. Knowing this, that freedom was on the other side of this ice-covered wall, you still couldn't bring yourself to get up, his expressions still playing behind your eyes.

You'd only ever seen him cold, or needy, or angry, but for him to actually look like he cared about you? Like you'd hurt him by trying to leave after all your talk about wanting to go? He hadn't even looked like that when you'd nearly killed yourself, and you banged your hands off your head in frustration as you saw him throw the gun away and kiss you like he actually needed you, not just wanted to claim you.

‘I don't understand you,’ you told the empty shed, there wouldn't be cameras inside here but you wished he could hear it anyway, and you did another check of the place to make sure he hadn't gotten anything ready. The sunlight streamed through the windows and lit the place up, it was slightly smaller than the average shed since they were only storing a few things apart from the extra wood, which Breck had probably only left behind since it would've been too much of a bother to stack it all again, and you weighed your options of escape as you stood and properly took everything in.

Okay, there was the door, which was very solid and locked from the outside. There were the two windows, but they were up much higher than you even with the chair and just barely tall enough to fit you, so if you got stuck you'd be fucked. The walls looked thick but you had a lot of firewood and your new mittens were properly insulated, maybe you might be able to smash out a hole big enough to crawl through? You figured that if you caused any damage now it wouldn't matter, he was done with you, and you picked up one of the logs to test the weight. It looked to be the same wood as the entire room, it pretty heavy in your weakened state but you were determined, if you could survive a trip down the mountain in a blizzard you could escape a shed.

You started to use it as a battering ram, angling right above the handle in the hopes that the lock would hold enough to allow the hash to be knocked free, but after several minutes of that with no change you were forced to drop it and give your aching hands a rest; it was hard enough to hold anything with your fingers all wrapped up, and you cursed your timing for stopping you from getting a proper grip. Still, you couldn't give up, and you picked it back up and tried for the hinges next, your frustration growing when they were just as reinforced.

The door was a bust but this wouldn't stop you, your hands and arms getting a break before you tried with your wall idea. It worked a lot better, your hope rising with each strike as you braced the wood against your shoulder and jammed even harder, it hurting so much with each hit but you were making progress. When the wood gave way and the log pushed back into your shoulder hard enough to make you yelp you stopped, the joint throbbing as you removed the log from the hole to look outside, but when you saw what awaited you you felt your heart sink again: an inner wall of brick lay on the other side, worn with age but there all the same, they'd built this shed over the old one instead of replacing it.

You bit back a wail, you couldn't get out this way, so even setting a fire to burn the place down if you needed a last resort would only turn it into your crematorium. You touched the stone and knew that the other layer of wood on the outside wouldn't let it fall so easily, another way out snatched from you as the despair tried to creep under your clothes and claw at your skin again, your only hope the windows high above you as you leaned against the wall and stared.

You could easily picture yourself managing to get stuck up there, your torso and head exposed to the cold until the blood rushed to your head enough to knock you out; you could see yourself just hanging there, your eyes bulging and your lips blue as Breck walked up to you in disappointment, you couldn't even do this much, you really were a nothing as he radioed for some poor Square to get you down and dump your body on the other side of the mountain where you wouldn't be found.

You slapped your mitt into the ground and stood, he would not have the last word on your life even in this possible situation, your body alight with determination as you positioned the chair and climbed onto the wood. It was wall to wall so there was no threat of anything sliding to the sides, but you still had to make sure you didn't accidentally knock any out from underneath you as you unsteadily moved from your knees to your feet. With this extra height you could properly reach, your head almost touching the ceiling as you pushed open the window all the way and felt the fresh air stream in. You breathed deep and tried to squeeze through, your thick coat already catching with the amount of insulation, he really did intend for you to get down safely wearing this, but it was useless to you as it caught on everything and started to tear, the fabric caching and making you panic. 

You pulled yourself out and checked out the damage, this wasn't good, but you'd started to fit, you could see from here how you might actually be able to pull this one off, freedom was right there! You didn't want to but you knew you had to, your resigned sigh your last push to yank down the zipper and pull the coat from your body, and instantly the cold crept back in, attacking all the raw spots that still burned from yesterday; until you got to a proper hospital the cold would only make them worse and maybe end in nerve damage, but you were prepared to risk it as you pushed the coat to the other side so you could put it back on when you were out. You watched it float forever, the way down a lot further than the way up looked, if you landed wrong you could seriously injure if not paralyze yourself, and that was enough to give you pause for a second.

The coat was off and outside, you were up there, every other way was shot down, it was this or nothing.

You clenched your teeth and started to slide through, the absence of the coat just what you needed as you stood on your tiptoes and balanced just enough to rest on your chest. You kept pushing and shifting just a little at a time, once you were able to get onto your stomach that would be it, you could pray the snow and your coat would catch you and then you could take the ATV trail down with no one following you, and in your excitement you pushed a little too hard; the wood you were standing on shot out from underneath you, the others following as your body weight violently shifted back to your torso.

The sill dug into your already bruised ribs as you flailed and tried to hang on, your outstretched hand reaching for the sun as you fell down, down, down.

You were out for only a moment, at least it felt like that, your eyes unable to focus as the colours blurred above you. You were vaguely aware of the pain as you groaned, it increasing in volume as you looked around, woke up, saw what happened; you'd landed on the chair and shattered it, your head smashed into the ground, you definitely had to have a concussion after that one, and when you touched the already tender area from when Breck had knocked you out you weren't surprised to see red. The wood pile had crumbled and spilled, a good half of it now resting on top of your leg and pinning it down, and when you shifted and just felt pain you knew that you'd fucked up, that was it. 

You repeatedly begged yourself not to cry, you'd done it too much, you were already dehydrated as hell and this was getting dangerous, but you couldn't help it as you laid there unable to move. He would find you like this in who knew how many days, this would be even more disappointing to him because you'd have died slowly, cold, broken, alone, too excited to think rationally and move carefully. He'd think you not only a failure and a disappointment but an idiot, and you could already hear him as he stared down at you and gently kicked your lifeless body. ‘You didn't even make it off the bunny hill,’ he'd say, and you felt your chest clench as you couldn't help but want to prove him wrong, you could do it, you could-! ‘It would've been so much less of a hassle to just shoot you, I shouldn’t have wasted so much time on you, maybe I really should've just let you drown-’

‘Shut up!’ you screamed into the room, Breck nowhere to be found when you opened your eyes again, and you wished he was so you could chuck the wood right at his face, break his nose with it for leaving you out there after all of his talk about not wanting you to leave him. How dare he, how fucking dare he throw you out and expect you to do all of this all over again after carrying you all the way back up here. He couldn't do this, you wouldn't let him, and you pushed yourself up and assessed the damage as you'd done a thousand times before.

Your right leg was pinned but it was still in one piece, you hadn't broken it, but you still were careful as you moved the wood off of it and let it lay flat over top of them all. The leverage was good, and your left leg was spared, your arm stiff from how you'd landed but it worked, he hadn't broken you yet. You gave yourself a moment to rest as you shifted back until you were against the opposite wall, the only problem left being how to get the fuck out of there. You could pile it all up and try again, you didn't need to let this be the end of it, and as soon as you felt rested enough you began. It was slow work but it kept you warm with your coat currently freezing outside, everything else doing their jobs and protecting the rest of you. You were shivering and your teeth were chattering but these were things you were used to, the cold numbing everything that hurt again as you placed log after log.

It took you an eternity but you did it, nearly giving up a few times when the cold couldn’t numb the returning hunger, or tempted you with a long nap that you so desperately needed, but when the wall was back in place you found yourself some leverage and started the climb now that you had no chair. Your arms shook and your right leg was practically useless while you had to rely on your already injured left, your body made of stone as you fought to just get up there; the ledge made of logs wasn’t very wide or stable but it held as everything locked together, your muttered encouragements cheering you on as you reminded yourself that if you didn’t hurry your family would leave and that would be it.

You made it, a tearfully relieved laugh barked out as you then stood, you wouldn’t do it wrong this time, your arms holding all your weight as the sill pressed into every single wound littering the sides. You were panting by the time you got back to where you were, the sun peeking through the clouds to warm you as your tears fell to the ground below, and when you looked up so you could see it you froze; he was standing there, leaning against the building in the distance, all huddled up from the cold without a coat just like you, he’d never gone inside, he’d never left you. You locked eyes with him from there, he’d seen you fall and still waited for you to try again, you had finally tried just like he wanted, and he didn’t look proud as the breeze picked up and had you both shivering.

He was waiting for you to leave him.

What’re you doing? you asked yourself as you started to shift backwards, your eyes on him until you were crouching down, then sitting, then sliding off and onto the floor. Why did you get down? Why did I… Your back hit the corner and you slowly lowered yourself down, your eyes on the door as you waited, your arms wrapping around yourself as you just kept trying to rub warmness back into you, your legs spread out and resting from all the exertion. I was so close…

‘You’re a liar,’ you told the door even though you knew he was too far to hear it, he’d never let you go even if you had climbed out, there was probably something planned just like yesterday, everything he ever told you was always a lie. ‘Just get through the day, I’m just being punished, he can do whatever he wants but I won’t give in to his fake promises, not this time…’

The sun was starting to set, and you were dangerously close to falling asleep.

You’d surpassed being cold again, you didn’t think it was possible but you’d reached a state of nirvana huddled up in that corner, your numbness growing until you couldn’t even hold your arms up anymore. You thought you might be dead as you just stared at the floor, but a struggle to move your leg made you flinch, you felt it, you were still alive. The window was still open and letting in the falling snow, it piling up as you chastised yourself for not closing it, but you’d been moving on autopilot then and hadn’t even thought of it. Now you could see the frost gathering on not only the glass but down the wall as well, white filling in the cracks at the top of the pile and trying to stretch out greedy fingers for your boots. 

I wonder if they’ll have dinner before they leave, you thought to yourself as you watched the clouds go by outside the window, just barely visible between the puffy flakes floating down. I guess it depends on who’s driving, if they wanna do it in the dark… if it’s dad, he won’t care, Uncle Frank has horrible night blindness so he wouldn’t, plus he’d wanna eat, maybe Aunt Grace? 

You saw the minibus in the clouds, saw everyone already piled into it and beckoning for you to join, they were so happy to see you, they’d waited so patiently all week and you were keeping them, they wouldn’t leave without you even after the sun set, right?

I’m so tired, I think I’ll sleep all the way home and for once they won’t bug me, maybe I’ll even get my book back, I never got to see how it ended…

Your eyes welled up and the cold made them sting, but when you went to blink you found you couldn’t, your face scrunching up in acceptance as the sky got darker and you lost the shapes in the sky.

I’m… I’m never going home, am I? You couldn’t open your mouth to say it, you didn’t have the strength. I’m really going to die up here because I hurt him, why did I try to go, why do I keep act…ing… st…

Your head fell to the side, the muscles in your neck finally giving up as a tear rolled down your cheek, your mind growing so fuzzy that you didn’t even register the lock being opened. The door swung to the side, the gathered snow disturbed beautifully as Breck found you in your corner, another tear falling because he’d come for you, you wouldn’t have to die alone anymore. You wanted to thank him for this single gift but you couldn’t even make a sound, and he didn’t look disappointed or angry as he gently brushed the frost from your hat and shoulders.

His nose and cheeks were red, his own lips pale as he carefully reached under you, your clothes cracking like ice over a pond as your limbs were moved, or maybe that was just your fragile body. His hands shook as he carried you back to the facility, someone seeing him through a window and rushing to open the door for him, the Circle’s panicked questions only sounding like white noise to you as he didn’t answer. He brought you all the way back to his room, a barely living corpse as the heat seeped into your eyes and allowed you to partially blink. His bed felt like the sky as he laid you down on it even though you were getting his blankets all wet, and he didn’t even care as you soaked into his pillows with thawing hair.

‘You didn’t even make it off the bunny hill,’ he finally whispered as he took off his vest and tossed it to the floor, here it came, he was going to give you clarity. ‘You couldn’t do that much, and yet you still made it all the way to the hotel, swung at me, chose death.’ He was starting to look sad again, this wasn’t right, you needed him to hate you back so you could fly, already. ‘I couldn’t help you see, so why would you…?’

He took off his sweater and for a moment you prayed that he would smother you with it when he draped it over you, rubbed warmth back into your limbs until the frost and snow were gone, your small noises of discomfort drawing his attention as you blinked painfully and looked down at him.

‘Bunny…’

You closed your eyes and cried at the name you’d grown used to as he lifted your hand and removed your mitt, your frozen fingers cooling his burning cheeks as he held you to him, and when your attempts to move allowed you just enough to press down and tell him you were still there you saw actual relief on his face. He placed your hand back down and turned to remove your boots, tugging them off carefully when he discovered you’d hurt your other leg as well. He tossed them onto the floor, water splashing everywhere without a care, your belt next but he didn’t look like he was going to hurt you this time, for once it was the opposite as he slipped your pants down your legs and started to rub them.

He didn’t press too hard even though he knew it would be the perfect way to hurt you, your joints aching as he stretched you, helped make sure everything was still working. You could see that the rawness around your knees and ankles was even worse, and there was a very concerning trail of marks going down your leg from where the logs had crashed, but he didn’t dig his thumbs in, see how much he could do before you screamed even with your lack of energy.

He picked up his sweater from your chest next, bundling it up and placing it behind your head, the soft wool soaking up all the cold and tickling your ears when he removed your hat, your own plain sweater coming off before he was rotating your arms, bending your elbows, pressing strength back into your stiff joints before moving onto the next thing. You just watched all the while, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and when he positioned himself between your legs and hooked his fingers under the elastic of your underwear you could only breathe, too tired to beg him not to, he’d just do it anyway.

Your legs were lifted as he removed your underwear, your body bared completely to him again, and you just prayed that you were numb enough not to feel it when he moved backwards down the bed until he could lower himself to you, his hands looping under your thighs and lifting your legs over his shoulders. The warmth stung, you were still too cold and it’d seeped in too deep after yesterday and your refusal to move, but under all the pain you still felt how tenderly warm his mouth was as he kissed your inner thigh.

‘I’ll warm you up again,’ he whispered to you gently as he kissed higher, this was different than his cruel teasing between cryo sessions, he was actually letting you enjoy as much as you could as his cheek brushed against the remaining warmth between your legs. He didn’t rush into it, just let you feel him as a heat formed in your stomach, started to spread through you to combat the burn of the ice your skin had become, and when he kissed you there you let out a soft moan through cracked lips.

There was no dirty talk, no hungry looks as he kept his eyes on your body, no wandering hands as he just made sure he had access to you, and when he finally placed his mouth over you you felt nothing but pleasure. You still couldn’t move, you were too numb for that, but the sparks still spread as he hummed around you, encouraged by the sounds you were making. It was working, you were heating up in a way that wouldn’t put you into shock, but this was also bringing the pain back, your leg twitching as your knee bent a way it didn’t like. He heard your noise and fixed the angle, thinking about you this time as he continued, his tongue hot and soft as it licked comfort into you, drew out your noises in a way he never had before.

Your fingers twitched under your bandages as he got even more into it, and you felt everything that he’d been hiding behind his diamond as your hips jutted ever so slightly without him stopping or holding you down. There was nothing behind his ministrations, nothing but wanting to warm you up and please you because you were still here, you’d waited for him, you hadn’t left him, all the lies you’d expected him to reveal never said as he brought you back to life again.

Your thighs started to tremble and he held them a little tighter, not enough to hurt but to feel the life still in you, and your back arched as more feeling returned, your face nuzzling into the sweater behind your head and breathing in the scent of him; you’d never noticed before but the whole room smelt almost sterile, just like the rest of the building, but his sweater smelled like his body wash, of snow catching on old pine trees, it smelt almost like being free and flying as his tongue swirled around you and made you breathe deep with a gasp. Your hand moved without you telling it to, you couldn’t feel him through the bandages but his head felt warm all the same under your palm as you held him in place, guiding him down to do it a little faster.

He obliged, you were the one in charge of him as he sucked in a quick breath through his nose and shifted up, your heels digging into his spine as your thighs threatened to crush his head, neither addressed as he just moaned against you and gave you more. He was starting to grind into the mattress, even now he couldn’t help but chase his own pleasure but he never took his hands off of you, putting you first even as you started to shift up with each light thrust. It only added to it, the vibrations of his groans shooting through you until you were keening, holding him down and silently asking for more.

Speaking was still hard but he understood all the same, he was the only one who understood you, and when you looked down you saw him gaze up at you at the same time, his eyes showing nothing but adoration for you as you held on tight and came onto his tongue. He eased you through it, not stopping until you let go and went limp into the damp softness underneath you, Breck palming himself but not taking it any further unlike yesterday. You caught your breath as you stared up at him, thought about how he’d waited out there all day with you until he was just as cold as you were, and you held your hand out for him to take so you could pull him down next to you.

He nestled into your neck as he undid his pants and reached inside, your cheeks reddening but not in embarrassment this time as he moaned into your ear and got himself off. It didn’t take long, he was already so worked up from pleasuring you, and you moved your leg a little closer to him so he could ride out his own orgasm against his hand and your thigh. He waited until he could breathe again before getting up and stripping as well, but he didn’t straddle you, make you feel fear or unsafe, just pulled back the blankets from underneath you as carefully as he could and tucked you in, his pillows flipped over to the dry sides as well as his sweater was hung over the headboard.

He climbed back into bed and held you close just like the other night, his arm underneath you to make sure you didn’t get away, but so was yours underneath him as you adjusted yourself until you were laying more on your side and facing him. He was handsome when he wasn’t hurting you, and something about him now was almost loving as he placed his hand over your waist and held on a little tighter. ‘Did I pass your test?’ you whispered, it was still a little hard to talk but at least the words were coming now.

‘You failed, you didn’t leave,’ he answered as his grip tightened, but not in anger.

‘I thought you were tricking me again, I was ready to die out there than have to try and survive another punishment.’ He didn’t look offended, but his knee did move up to slide in between yours. ‘I still don’t understand you.’

‘I told you I’m a man of my word,’ he repeated, something aching in your chest as you refused to believe that he really would’ve let you walk right by him, that he would’ve let you go, but when you looked into his eyes you saw that there were no hidden motives this time, this the most genuine he’d been with you since you’d met a week ago. ‘You stole my lighter.’

‘You dropped it,’ you explained, and he held you a little tighter when your other hand rubbed against his arm. ‘I almost threw it away, out there…’

‘But you kept it,’ he finished for you, your small nod making something shine in his eyes. ‘You almost freed me from her, freed yourself from me… maybe you’re sentimental too, Bunny.’

Things would probably go back to normal tomorrow, when you knew you’d be trapped here and he’d have to finish his training; there’d be no more rush for you to make it down, the sun was almost set, they’d be gone by now, this was all you had left, and you pushed your forehead against his as you sniffed and lamented your loss. His hand trailed up to cup your jaw, and you let him kiss you before you realized you were kissing him back, feeling something this time as he cradled your persevering body and rubbed his own against you, his length brushing against your thighs thanks to the height difference between you. It didn’t escalate past that, the two of you needing each other as he crawled on top of you but didn’t pin you down, and when you broke apart to breathe he chased after your mouth.

‘Breck, do you love me?’ you asked before he could kiss you again, and a familiar coldness shone in his eyes as he looked down, his hand reaching up to touch the scar left behind by the last person who’d asked him that.

‘You should know better, you’re smarter than that,’ he muttered as he got back off of you, and when he pulled away from your restrained grip you just let him put on some clean clothes and walk out without another word.

You couldn’t sleep as you lay in his bed, your head playing the buzzer every time you tried, and eventually you had to get up and get dressed. Your clothes were still a bit damp but you’d be able to warm them now, his blankets had driven all the cold away even without him, even when he never came back. Fully dressed, you figured you might as well try and remember if you knew the way to see Brit so you could get checked out, maybe see if the cafeteria had anything you could munch on to get a little more in your stomach, but you were only able to make it a few steps from his door when two Diamonds approached you. You were too tired to run or fight, and you didn’t need them messing with your healing wounds by dragging you anywhere, so you just sighed at them and motioned for them to lead the way.

They exchanged a look, clearly they expected a fight after everything you’d put so many of them through that week, but it was late and you were really hoping to catch either Brit or some food or both, so the sooner they got their cult business over with the better.

They led you back to the library, the wall of windows like mirrors as you saw yourself enter through the doors, then another Diamond you didn’t recognize at all; he was almost as tall as Breck, more classically handsome, his messy, blonde hair fluffed up once it was no longer tamed by his own gray hat, which he removed along with his coat now that you’d joined him, he’d just arrived. The others left as soon as you were alone with him, you had enough context clues by now, and you looked him over before going to one of the old, leather chairs nearby to sit down before your knees gave out, that visit to Brit would have to come before food. ‘Mitch, I presume?’ you asked, knowing only one name that didn’t belong to anyone here, and he shook his head before walking over to you.

‘Topher, you’re the one Breck has been… training all week, aren’t you?’ he asked right back as he looked you over concernedly, and you flinched as you gave a wide shrug and let your hands fall back onto your lap.

‘In the flesh, what’s left of it,’ you joked, it all you could do as he then looked unhappy about what’d been done to you, his worry actually matching Brit’s to your surprise; as you examined him right back, you realized he held an air about him that none of the others did, but he couldn’t be from the Council that Breck had spoken about because he also wore a diamond and they wore jackets with their hotel’s logos on them, symbols of their statuses.

‘You shouldn’t be here,’ he said as he walked up to you to inspect you closer, and even with his air you didn’t feel threatened by him, not compared to Breck, he wasn’t dangerous like the rest of them.

‘Yeah, I’ve been saying that too,’ you muttered, the two of you turning to the door as Breck was pushed inside; he stumbled a little, the push more of a shove as the door was slammed in his face. He glared at the door before noticing not only your company but you as well, and when he asked what you were doing there you couldn’t figure out which one he was talking to.

‘Word’s gotten back to the Lodge about what you’ve been doing, they received several complaints from many of the members here over the past week and couldn’t ignore it once Brit got involved,’ Topher explained, the air around him getting heavier as he motioned for Breck to take the other seat opposite you. He stared the other man down as he leaned against the long table in the center of the room instead, his expression cold as you recognized the hatred in his eyes and instantly knew who the third person in the room was.

Topher was the Double Black.

‘What I do to my Bu- my charge isn’t any of the Lodge’s business, I was promoted here for a reason,’ he told him as calmly as he could, but you knew that tone as well, he didn’t like being talked down to, and he hated being underestimated.

‘You were, but that was before we saw what you were doing.’ Breck stiffened as Topher walked over to the small table by him where a folder sat, and his frown created harsh edges around his handsome features as he flipped it open and took out a stack of screenshots from the security cameras. ‘Kidnapping, abuse, violence, things that we consider to be actual torture; the Uler Insitute promotes Happiness, Freedom, and Self-Evolution, where is any of that in your teachings?’

‘My methods are my own, I know what I’m doing to get results,’ he was quick to explain, but Topher just held his hand up to silence him with a look of incredulousness.

‘Just like the last one? There are cameras everywhere in this facility as the main branch, do you really think that the Council doesn’t know that you tripped her?’ This shut him up, your eyes going wide because you thought you were the only one who knew such information. ‘You’ve been abusing your power ever since you became a Diamond, killing members of all status to your whims, not to mention what went down here two years ago- does it kill you that much to know that I was the one they chose, not you?’ You saw the corner of his mouth twitch, you knew how much Topher was right, and he was in danger. ‘From this moment forward you’re to be stripped of your level and excommunicated from U.I., and as soon as your “bunny,” as you insist on saying because you think it makes you better, even though it doesn’t, is taken care of then you’ll be placed before the Council to decide if you deserve exile or death for your crimes against the teachings of Edmund Casey.’

‘You can’t-!’ Breck shouted as he took a step forward, Topher holding up his hand to silence him again but he wouldn’t be, not this time. ‘I’ve dedicated my entire life to the Institute, I believe in everything he taught and I’ve been trying my damndest to teach it to everyone in my care, it’s not my fault they never fucking get it like I do-!’

‘That’s enough! Casey was wrong when he made you a Circle that day, and it should’ve been you that died, not Mead,’ Topher snarled coldly, the emotion not matching his eyes as pain shone behind them, Breck taken aback as you covered your mouth in shock. ‘She was more of a member than you ever were, she was my friend- she was the only one to see past your bullshit and it’s a goddamn shame that you got her in the back before she could finish taking you down.’ Breck was at a loss for words, but not because he was surprised, but because he was furious, and you almost wanted to rush over there to try and calm him before he killed anyone else in front of you. ‘You’re a disgrace to this Intutute, and honestly, I hope the Council votes for exile just so I can know you’re still out there, killing yourself over this every single fucking day, because you were so much of a nothing that you had to try and drag everyone else down with you.’

‘Stop-!’ you shouted, both men looking at you as you stood up. ‘He’s cruel, and- and he hurt me, and so many times I've dreamed about burying him like he tried to do to me but… he’s not a nothing, no one should ever…’

Topher just looked between you before going back to his screenshots, and even though you could tell it hurt him to do so, he didn’t back down as he held up one from the first time he assaulted you, your eyes unable to turn as you couldn’t stop yourself from looking away. ‘This? This man right here? Look at this and tell me he’s not a nothing,’ he sneered in disgust at the reason for your pain, your eyes shutting as you shook your head. ‘What about this time, on the course? How he’d prioritized his own dick over your health while you lay there in the snow?’

‘Stop it, please…’

‘Don’t forget last night, the camera picked up that you’re a virgin, would he still not be a nothing if he’d actually-’

‘Don’t!’ You slapped your hands over your ears, your shoulders shaking as Topher set down the pictures with a sigh and walked over to you to place a hand on your right one, the surprise and pain making you flinch hard away like you’d been hit instead. ‘Please…’

‘He does this to everyone, promises them everything Casey tried to teach him and then feels no remorse when they don’t measure up, you were never special to him.’ His voice was softer, genuinely sympathetic unlike everyone had been as you looked up at Breck in misery, your left thumb scratching at the bandages of your right hand as he just stared you down without emotion.

‘You told me I was the only one…’ you murmured, his eyes flashing as he frowned.

‘I never touched the others,’ he insisted seriously, and Topher agreed.

‘You didn’t, but does that make this any better? You’ve fallen off the mountain, you’re a danger to everyone up here, and tomorrow I’m taking you both back to Portland so you can stand trial,’ he told him coldly, your heart sinking even more as you looked up at the other man.

‘W-why am I going to Portland?’ you stuttered, his hand leaving you.

‘We all know you don’t want to be a member, but you still know too much now, thanks to him, so I’m going to arrange for a hotel position to be available to you in Portland; it’ll be a good job, no rent, no bills, just a steady paycheck and a warm bed on site, we can work around your skills so the transition is easier.’

‘Wha- I don’t want that, why can’t we just try and catch up to my family, it can’t have been too long since they left, I won’t say a word to anyone, I promise-!’ you begged, Topher frowning in confusion before looking at Breck and sighing again.

‘He never told you,’ he muttered to himself in realization, his pity for you only growing to your dismay, your knees wobbling unsteadily as you looked to Breck in fear.

‘To- told me what?’ you asked cautiously, even though you were terrified of the answer.

Topher just stared Breck down in a quiet order to answer, but he wasn’t going to take anything from him anymore, not after his loss of status; he wasn’t, but the moment Topher opened his mouth and you pleaded with him with your eyes he couldn’t help himself, you were his charge. ‘They left, the day after the search party,’ he explained, your ears ringing again as Topher held you up with warm and gentle hands, the exact opposite of Breck’s. ‘They searched while I was down there, but as soon as they heard the statistics of missing persons being found they decided it’d be too much to stay after their loss, so… you were never going to find them when you left m- us, yesterday.’

‘No, nonononono…’ you moaned as all your fantasies of them waiting for you, welcoming you back, taking you home were shattered one by one like ice, Breck’s face emotionless again as Topher tried to get you to sit. ‘They didn’t leave, they didn’t just abandon me here, they’d have kept looking all week, didn’t they? You… you’re lying to me again, I still mean something to them, I… someone… I’m more than just a few hours of searching, aren’t I? I’m not… noth-’

‘Easy, it’s okay, a lot of us were left in the cold when we joined, our family is each other now, you’ll still be able to understand Casey’s teachings in Portland,’ he soothed you, another caring voice that meant what he said, but you were inconsolable; he’d just let you believe that you still had a week, that the few people in your life loved you, but Topher wasn’t disagreeing with what Breck said, and you almost wished that they’d have died out there on the mountain while looking for you because at least that meant that they stayed- ‘Come with me, you can stay in one of the empty Diamond rooms, and tomorrow we can catch a plane and I can give you everything he promised but was never going to give you, okay? You can leave the mountain now.’

You looked up at him as the tears streamed down your cheeks, his smile comforting and true as he encouraged you to stand, Breck silent as he watched you reach for his hand, but the moment you saw the solid protrusion sticking out of the back of the top of his pants you knew that you couldn’t leave, not yet. You pulled the encompassing bandage free from around your fingers before grabbing Topher’s gun and flipping off the safety the same way you’d seen Breck do it, the Double Black backing up in surprised caution as you pointed it at him, and then at Breck. His eyes widened a little but he didn’t beg for his life, he already knew you wouldn’t do it, but he’d hurt you so much that it was taking everything in your power to not pull the trigger now that it was pointed at his chest.

‘Will you kill him?’ Topher just asked carefully, still holding his hands up as his eyes flicked between you and him, and your face scrunched up sorrowfully as you just shook your head in indecision. ‘Given what he’s done to you, I don’t think anyone will mind back home if you kill him now, no one will ever have to know, just like all the ones he’d made disappear over the years.’

‘And if I kill myself?’ you then asked as you raised the gun to your head, keeping your eyes on Breck so he could see the lights leave them just like he wanted, just like in your dream, but he didn’t look excited about the prospect anymore as he stopped himself from taking a step forward.

‘Then I won’t stop you, just ask that you at least take the satisfaction of paying him back for everything first, so you can savour that in your final moments,’ he requested, he wanted you to at least have that for yourself, not because he wanted to get rid of him, he was good, he was offering you an escape, he was everything you wanted Breck to be… Your hand trembled as you saw yourself in the reflection, another fantasy of doing exactly as he asked playing in the glass as you watched Breck and then yourself fall to the floor, end of story, no more pain.

‘I don’t wanna go to Portland, I just wanna go home,’ you told him with a choked sob, and he frowned sadly as he turned to Breck, made sure he saw exactly what he’d done to you.

‘I know, but you have no home now, he made sure of that the moment he brought you here,’ he condemned him, the gun pointed at him again as you knew it to be true. ‘I’ll give you all the time you need to shoot yourself, no one’s watching tonight, no one will blame you for this.’ You steadied yourself and aimed, your heart pounding so hard you were sure he could hear it even from over there as the hammer slowly started to pull back along with your growing pressure on the trigger. 

‘Bunny,’ Breck finally said as he stared you down, but he didn’t sound remorseful or like he was about to beg for his life, Topher instantly snapping at him.

‘You don’t get to talk anymo-’

‘I never left you,’ was all he had to say, and you felt clarity as you aimed and fired.

He flinched as the shot filled the room, your hands still shaking as Topher slowly turned to face you, his eyes wide and confused as he started to stagger, and then fell into a crumpled heap on the ornate carpet sprawled out underneath him. You both stared at him before you pointed the gun back at Breck, but you both knew you couldn’t kill him just as much as he couldn’t kill you. You turned the safety back on and tossed the gun aside before running to him as fast as you could with your limp, his arms wrapping tightly around you as you clutched the back of his vest.

‘Don’t ever leave me,’ you pleaded into his chest, and he just nodded before pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

‘You’re the only one who understands me.’

Your fingers were horribly cracked and blistered from the blizzard’s damage as you grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him down to you, kissing him needily as he backed into the table, Topher staring lifelessly up at you as you shoved that stupid puffy vest off of him and ran your hands over his chest. He brought your hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to it before taking over for you, his sweater pulled off before silently asking if that’s what you wanted too. Just having that almost made the tears flow harder as you nodded, you knew you needed him now, he was all you ever had, even your own family didn’t try as hard as he did even though his love had nearly killed you.

You killed your father in your head as he took your sweater off too, for allowing everyone to give up on you.

You killed your mother as he undid his belt, every scoff she’d ever given you when you’d tried to talk to her about your depression becoming nothing but a distant memory.

You killed your uncles as he hopped up onto the table and pulled you close, your aunts as you undid your pants with shaking fingers until you needed help, your cousins as he slid back just enough for you to climb up and straddle him.

Your entire family was dead to you now, Breck was all you had as you rolled your hips against him until the pain in your leg made you stop, his groan at both your pain and pleasure only urging you on as you watched him shove his jeans down his hips until he was pulling himself out and jerking off for you. It filled you with want, your hands still useless as you tried to do it for him but was batted away before you could do any more damage. Instead, he tugged your own pants down until you were bare to him, his fingers slipping into your mouth before finding that aching part of you that welcomed him in as you braced yourself on his shoulders. 

He stretched you again, your knee screaming as you rode his index, the second not coming fast enough as he spread and scissored you until you were ready. This wouldn’t be easy, it was your first time and there was no lube to be found in this library, but you didn’t care, you’d lived through worse than this. You held his head to your neck as he sucked and bit down hard, and when you guided his other hand to your mouth so you could lick a stripe over his palm he groaned at the feeling before taking himself in hand. 

‘So perfect for me,’ he panted as he leaned back just enough so he could line himself up to you, your teeth sinking into his shoulder and marking him right back as you sank down on his cock. He filled you up so nicely, your body adjusting and swallowing him deeper as you sat on his lap, your jaw slack as you just breathed. He whispered praise into your ear as he grabbed you by the hips and got you to move, your legs shaking hard as you lifted enough to almost pull out, the head catching on your rim, Breck allowing you to fall back down hard as the table creaked under your weight. ‘Fuck, Bunny…’

You did it again, then again, each one sending shockwaves of not only the expected pain but the best pleasure you’d ever felt in your life, and when you started to speed up and he found that spot inside of you you cried out so loud he silenced you with his mouth. He helped you bounce on his lap until you couldn’t support yourself any longer, Breck leaning back until he was laying down and you were resting on his chest. His hands lifted you as he started to fuck up into you, his fingers digging hard into your ass as he kneaded and gripped strong enough to bruise, just more to add to the tapestry.

‘Harder, please fuck me harder,’ you begged as the pain gave way entirely, and he bit his lip before doing the best he could, it not enough as you braced yourself and sat back up so he could go even deeper. Your hands made a diamond on his chest as you covered his bullet scar, your body finally warm as you let him fully take you over, own you just as much as you’d always owned him, and when you looked up and saw yourself riding his cock with a big smile you finally understood what it meant to fly as you reached between your legs to touch yourself.

Your moans started to cut off as it all built up into just him inside you, you’d never leave this place because he was here, and you held his hand as you cried out and came so hard you saw stars. Your head fell back as you felt him come deep inside you, the heat so good that your back arched all the way, and the last thing you felt was his hand holding yours while the other wrapped around your lower back to keep you from falling as you finally passed out.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Love Until We Freeze Ch.7 Day 6 - Breck/Reader

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, desperate begging, nonconsensual (at first) fingering, threats of assault, manipulation, russian roulette, reader causing violence in self-defense, descriptions of extreme cold and its resulting injuries, sleep deprivation for safety, mentions of suicide and assault, tasering.

Wordcount: 8864

Summary: This was the last straw, you were getting out before it was too late, and no one was going to stop you.

Notes: Very rough start to this one to those who don't like dub/noncon and I mean that even though it eventually does end up as consent, this is still a stockholm syndrome fic after all. Apart from that, when he switches to Snowbunny, he's referring to these, not the other definitions google later told me about :T it's supposed to make the reader feel even more vulnerable and weak, like they're even less in his eyes in this moment instead of something fragile and perfect he can protect.

You waited for freedom, for everything to instantly shatter and let you fly again, but as the seconds passed and all you did was open your eyes, you knew that you’d never be so lucky.

He was shivering above you, his eyes looking over your face as you took in the situation, and even though you still couldn’t move you had feeling enough to be aware of the hard heat pressing into your thigh. He slowly removed the gun from your mouth, his own cracking into a grin before he licked the saliva off the barrel and took out the magazine for you to see. ‘One bullet for him, for breaking the rules and showing you those single moments of kindness; you think I’d bring a loaded gun in here when you hate me so much? I really did think you were smarter than that.’

You couldn’t even speak, you were hot and cold at the same time, your eyes drifting from him to the ceiling as the most powerful relief you’d ever felt in your life washed over you, as well as a despair you couldn’t see yourself ever climbing out of. ‘Why don’t you just kill me and get it over with?’ you needed to know, and he set the useless gun down on the bare mattress next to you.

‘Why would I ever want to kill my precious Snowbunny? Especially now that you’ve just admitted how you feel about me?’ He was fucking insane, you knew he was, this wasn’t just a game of waiting for him to crave you enough to strike and run, he was never going to let you go until his tactics worked and you stayed with him, became his of your own volition. ‘Besides, since I am, again, a man of my word, and you made it past midnight, I still need to give you your reward.’

You watched as he crawled backwards down the bed until he was resting between your spread legs, the numbness still strong enough to stop you from closing them, covering yourself, shoving him away. ‘Breck, I don’t want it,’ you tried to tell him, and when he glanced at the gun you actually twitched in pure terror at the thought that he might use it on you again. ‘Please, nonononono, just wait until I can move again, we can do whatever you want, but don’t… fuck, don’t-!’

‘Why wait? This is your reward, not mine,’ he just murmured loud enough for you to hear, his hand running up and down your thigh as he took you in, and when he raised his hand to his lips you could only clench your teeth in terror as he sucked his index and middle fingers into his mouth. A string of saliva connected them to his lips as he removed them, and you felt no desire as he reached down to place the first against your twitching entrance.

‘Wait! Please, use my mouth, you can shove your cock down my throat and fuck me until I pass out if you want, just don’t do this, I’m begging you!’ you cried out, his fingertip circling his desired area as he hungrily gazed up at you with half-lidded eyes.

‘Why, could it be that you’re a virgin?’ he growled, you’d just made it worse, and you knew he’d never stop even as you desperately nodded in a final attempt for him to take pity on you. ‘Fuck… you really are so fucking perfect for me, aren’t you?’ Your eyes shut tight as you bit back a yell, Breck sighing as he pushed into you, felt your last remaining part open up to him, welcome him in, share your heat with him. He let out a shuddering breath just from this much as he pulled out again, pushed back in, forced you to get used to the small intrusion, his palm pressing against you as he found a better angle and started a slow but steady pace.

You just stared at the ceiling as he took what he wanted under the guise of it being for you, your body opening up to him the more he stretched you, and when he found that spot deep inside of you and your breath hitched even amidst the discomfort you wished you had closed your eyes so you would’ve missed the way he bit his lip at the sound of your pleasure. He started to move faster, his legs shifting across the mattress as he moved even closer, and when he found that spot again you actually heard him groan along with you. He aimed for it, watching the twitching muscles in your stomach as your pleasure was forced to build, and when he added in the second and your back arched a little he started to pant, needing more, he needed to give you more.

Your breaths came quicker as he picked up the pace, your eyes finally closing as you heard the sound of his fingers fucking into you and wished that your watcher would press the button again and deafen you for good this time. It was starting to feel good, it’d hurt so much but your body had been craving release ever since he’d held you down in the snow and grinded against you, and it betrayed you as the first moan slipped free. ‘There you go, you’re taking me so good, I knew this was what you wanted,’ he murmured as he leaned forward to lick a stripe up and over your waist, his hand never stilling. You shook your head, thighs trembling as he smirked and nipped at you, the small gasp you let out only making him happier.

He straddled your right leg and rolled his hips, the pain of him scratching all the new wounds taking away from the pleasure before he shushed you, held you down when you started to arch away from the aches, his hand moving faster as he found that spot and aimed hard for it until you saw stars. You’d never been touched like this by another person before, your mountain of excuses to avoid intimacy that you’d been building all your life now avalanching away as he took them from you, your mouth starting to curve from a wince to the starts of a smile as he built up something new inside of you; he told you praises as you started to react in kind, your moans coming more easily as he no longer pried them out of you but encouraged them, begged for them.

‘You’re so good to me, I’m the only one who can make you feel like this,’ he was saying as it all built higher, you weren’t going to last but he’d burned you before, and you didn’t know if you could take it if he left you again. You wanted to beg him not to stop but you were terrified that if you opened your mouth he would, your only coaxing in return the sounds you were gifting to him without end. ‘I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you, I knew I couldn’t let you leave, I had to make you mine…’

He pressed in hard and you keened long from it, you were so close this time, the words threatening to come out until you bit your lip and groaned. An excited breath came from his direction as he picked up speed, fucked you harder, you could hardly stand it, you needed more, you needed to hold him, kiss him, fuck him-

‘Breck…’ you sighed just like you had in the bathroom that night, your hands shaking as they curled into fists, and he only stopped for a moment to cherish it before adding in a third just to be able to feel you more. It was too much, you couldn’t handle it, and when he looked down to see you spread around him he moaned out your name so good that you finally came hard. Your breath caught in your throat as your entire body seized, his hand not stopping until he wrung out every last bit of pleasure from you, it so good that you could barely keep your eyes open after everything else he’d put you through.

‘I can’t… fuck, I can’t wait anymore,’ he said above you as you came down from your high, your afterglow turning into something dark as you looked back down and saw him reaching for his belt. You tried to tell him to wait but your mouth was dry not just from your orgasm but from the growing panic, you knew you’d wanted him in the moment but you didn’t want him to actually have sex with you now, it was too fast, you couldn’t even hold him off as you felt the rope dig into your wrists as more of your feeling came back. ‘Looked so perfect around me, I need to know what you feel like, we’re running outta time, Bunny-’

He popped the button on his pants and yanked down the zipper before you could even blink, you’d begged him so easily before but now the words refused to come, the ringing in your ears returning as he shoved his pants a little down his hips and gripped himself through his briefs; you could already see the damp spot forming from earlier, he wasn’t going to be satisfied with just grinding or jerking off on you this time.

‘I’ll make you feel good, we’ll feel so fucking good-’

‘Breck.’ The door opened as his hand slipped into his briefs so he could take himself out, your breath stilling as he shakily turned to face the Diamond standing there, this one wouldn’t be sent away so easily. ‘You have a message from the Lodge, it’s urgent.’

You watched as he gave himself a slow tug out of sight, his shoulders shaking as he swallowed, his chest heaving dangerously as his eyes grew dark. ‘Can’t it fucking wait?’ he snapped, he was furious, but still, he was no higher than the Diamond in the doorway, and even in your terror-fueled haze you knew that anything from the Lodge was big.

‘No, it’s from Mitch,’ was all he had to say, and Breck took another unsteady breath before removing his hand and fixing himself up. The Diamond didn’t look away from your shame as Breck straightened his sweater and hair, the fingers that were inside you washed off in his mouth before he gave you one final glance and walked out to answer the message, but as soon as his guide was gone he hesitated, leaned back in to say one last thing.

‘No matter what you’re thinking right now, you can’t tell yourself you didn’t want this,’ he said, and you were about to attempt to reply when he motioned to your hands. ‘The ropes were never tied, you could’ve pushed me away the moment you could move again, all you had to do was try.’ Ice ran through you as you turned your heavy head to the side, your hand raising as you saw how limp the ropes actually were, and you felt nauseous as you saw that he was right; they’d faked actually tying the other ends to the frame so you wouldn’t thrash, the moment you had nodded your head at him you could’ve ended it right there, you’d just been so convinced that you’d been restrained that he was right about that too, you didn’t even try. ‘You would’ve let me fuck you, not because I had them stop you from fighting back, but because you wanted it too; you’re mine, and now we both know it, don’t we?’

You let your hand fall back to the mattress as he closed the door again, and when you shut your eyes and tried to hate him more than you hated yourself, you let out a cry as the buzzer rang through the room.

You were in darkness again, but you weren’t lying down or floating or buried, you were sitting.

You felt your mattress under your legs and your headboard against your back, and you were surprisingly calm as the mattress dipped down in front of you and Breck came into view. The diamond on his sweater drew you in like the abyss as you glanced down at his hands, a revolver held up for you to see instead of the black handgun you’d seen earlier. He opened up the cylinder to reveal a single bullet inside, and you just nodded with no fear as he snapped it shut again and spun it.

‘Your family leaves soon,’ he told you as it kept spinning, the sound echoing off the walls around you. ‘You’ve failed all my other tests, so here’s your final one: survive one round with me, try and get out of here, and I’ll let you go.’ You looked down at the cylinder as it just kept spinning, noises coming from around you the longer it went on.

‘There’re no winners in this game,’ you told him, you knew how this worked, and he reached out and took your hand and placed it on the grip over his own.

‘If I kill myself, then you’ll get to leave the mountain,’ he explained, the spinning sounding louder as his eyes looked deep into yours. ‘But if you kill me, then they’ll bury you in the snow with me, I won’t let you leave me even in death.’

‘And if I die then you’ll just add me to the list of others you’ve murdered,’ you breathed, his brown eyes almost black in the dark.

‘If I kill you, or you kill yourself, you know that I won’t win; I need you, Bunny, why do you think you’re still here?’ You looked into the darkness beyond as the spinning grew even louder, it was almost deafening, and his other hand clasped over yours as he didn’t look away from you.

‘You’ll really let me go?’ He nodded, the diamond sucking you in even more as you stared down the barrel. ‘Then I’m ready.’

A light came on above you at once, the other members you’d met standing around you in its weak circle of illumination as they waited to see what would happen, red dots cropping up between and above them, cameras everywhere, you were being watched. You didn’t look at them as the cylinder finally stopped all at once, your ears ringing as he slipped his finger over the trigger; he didn’t fire, just leaned forward so he could lift it to his temple, he wouldn’t use his first shot on you. You swallowed as you were forced to lean forward until you were inches away from him, your mouth falling open just a little as he pulled and heard a click with a twitch of his eye, and then it was your turn. You didn’t aim at yourself, the gun flipped to fit your hand as you pointed it at his chest and fired with another click, and he almost looked hurt over it as it was flipped again and held up to his forehead.

Another click, three shots left.

You quickly aimed at him again, your heart racing as he just waited, and when you heard another click you felt the tears well up in your eyes. ‘It doesn’t work if you only aim at me,’ he said softly before placing the gun in his mouth and firing, another click, last one.

‘You’ll never let me go,’ you whispered as his hands left yours, the gun heavy in your palm as you brought it up to your temple, but he didn’t look pleased about it as he held your free hand in his own, sharing his warmth as the members around you all whispered about how he’d killed another one. Your finger trembled on the trigger as you hesitated, you knew this would be the one, all you had to do was decide if you wanted to fly back home or be buried with him, if you’d rather kill yourself or let them pile the snow on top of you while his lifeless arms held you to his chest as the cold surrounded you, forever sharing the warmth he never had.

‘Why don’t you ever try harder?’ he asked lowly, and you bit back a sob as he crawled over to you, your hand leaving his to grip the center of the diamond and stop it from trying to trap you against him again.

‘I tried so hard,’ you sobbed, but he just shook his head and pressed a kiss to your forehead, your breathing evening out as you felt peace at the touch.

‘I lo-’

BANG.

You startled awake as the buzzer rang through the room, your hearing fully returned as your watcher caught you nodding off and woke you up again, and you grit your teeth so hard your jaw hurt as you felt your tears drying on your cheeks. It was just a dream, none of what he said was real, and you felt so angry at yourself for even pretending like he’d admit to loving you after what he’d just done. You felt sick with yourself at it, you weren’t going to put up with this shit anymore, you knew who he was now.

This was it, you weren’t waiting around anymore, fuck that.

After that you knew that he would actually be the death of you, there was no more doubt about it; even if he knew the gun was empty he’d still killed your Diamond right in front of you just because he’d been sorry about hurting you, had tried to talk to you as he gagged you. He would never see you as a person, just something for him to claim while he pined over the power he thought he deserved, a possession he could hit and beat and fuck while he threw his tantrums and pity parties, and he would kill you with it.

You didn’t get buzzed as you sat up and massaged the rest of the feeling back into your aching limbs, your back sticking to the mattress and causing you more pain, but the feeling of the now cold wetness between your legs from what he’d done propelled you to get up, to move. You took off the ropes and saw the lines left behind to match everything else, just another thread in the tapestry he was weaving over every inch of skin he could get his hands on, and when you went to the bathroom and saw yourself in the mirror you didn’t cry this time. It was bad, it was so fucking bad you felt sick, but you just glared at your reflection and avoided staring at the camera as you turned on the sink to just over lukewarm.

You washed yourself off as gently as you could, clearing away the dried blood and seeing what had torn, the scratches from the fence now buried under everything else. You couldn’t do your back but they allowed you to clean everything else in peace, and when you stood in the shower to let the red run down your back and legs you left the curtain wide open so they could see. You didn’t have any new towels but that was fine, as much as you hated it you were used to the cold of your room now, your body adjusting to it more and more as your wet skin air-dried until you were able to get dressed. No pants, no sweater, just the thick socks and tight, protective clothing for the cryo, your shirt ruined but that was fine, you still had the underwear.

Your mattress looked like a crime scene when you returned, the red and other stains showing what had happened, and you just stared at it before flipping the mattress to the other side and hearing a noise; you peeked under the bed and found a Zippo lighter tucked against the wall, you’d missed it when you’d gotten up, and when you grabbed it and inspected it you found yourself swallowing at the inscription on the side.

To my best friend, my other half, the love of my life,

Mead

This was Breck’s, it must’ve fallen out of his pocket when he was undoing his pants, and you flipped it open to fit the top perfectly against the angry welt on your wrist. Your hands shook as you closed the cap and set it down beside your boots, you wouldn’t use it here, not yet. You went back to the mattress then, it was thin, so both sides were thankfully usable, and you sat back down and waited patiently until the sun rose out of sight, the sound of the key in your lock signaling the arrival of your breakfast. You were wide awake as you stood, the rope quickly picked up and wrapped around your wrist as you kept it out of sight from the camera, and when the Square, Chet, you recognized him instantly, walked in you had just a moment to take your small glass of water and splash it directly into his face.

It surprised him just enough to get him to stumble, your plate taken from him easily as you smashed it into the side of his head; he cried out and covered the injury, you’d cut him on the shattered porcelain, and you counted the seconds as you dragged his head down to your level, raced around to his other side, and wrapped the short rope around his neck. You knew you were being watched, no one hitting the buzzer as an alarm went off in the distance, Chet fighting you until you were able to choke him just enough to knock him out, not kill him, his body falling to the ground before you tore off his sweater and pants and grabbed your gloves, boots, and Breck’s lighter. You didn’t put them on until you reached the garage, the snow not scaring you this time as you quickly yanked everything on and opened all the doors.

You could hear them coming for you as you blocked off their only way in, they’d have to take the long way, and you used your remaining time to grab the firewood axe off of the wall and smash as many ATVs as you could, making sure to give his the worst treatment before gripping your weapon and running out into the white. It was already starting to come down but you were trained for this now, you’d spent so long in cryo that this didn’t actually feel so bad, and you thanked him with a determined smirk before running off in the direction you’d seen the lifts stretch into the distance. The facility was sounding off bells and whistles behind you, you could hear it from the open garage doors since otherwise it’d be too dangerous, and you sickly hoped it would start an avalanche and bury everyone inside, even if it meant it’d bury you too. 

You just kept running, sticking to the trees and breathing in the fresh air until it stung, the top of Chet’s sweater pulled up to cover your mouth as protection, your breath wetting the fabric but also providing you with a bit more warmth in the meantime. You used the axe to support yourself, the gloves extra thick and keeping the cold of the steel away from your palm, your heart pounding more and more the further you got away. It wasn’t your exact plan but it’d still worked, you’d gotten out even if you hadn’t been able to thank Breck for everything he’d done to you, you were going home.

You blinked away the tears so they wouldn’t freeze on your face as you kept going, using the angle of the mountain to keep yourself going in what had to at least be somewhat of the right direction, it didn’t have to be exact, just as long as you kept going down in the end. Since it was snowing there might not be anyone out but that was even better for you, that meant no more members guarding the courses, and it’d be the longest walk of your life but you’d chop down a tree and use it as a sled if it meant securing your way back to the hotel.

You froze when you heard the vehicles, of course they had extras, there were so many of them that that was probably just Breck’s own garage, and you ducked behind the low, weighed down branches of a bent over spruce as they grew closer. You held the branches in place, hiding in the shadows as you gripped your axe to your chest, you hadn’t wanted to kill anyone but you would now that you were out, especially Breck if he so much as dared come near you again, if they so much as tried to bring you back you wouldn’t hesitate to stop anyone else either. The ATVs rode until they lost your tracks, the storm was covering them up even with the trees getting more dense here, and they looked around for any sight of you before one of them cupped their hands around their mouth and stood up tall.

‘There’s a blizzard coming, the rains have been too strong downwind and it’s reaching us, that’s what Mitch warned Breck about!’ he yelled despite the danger of the piling snow, and as if on cue the storm picked up a bit more, the clouds dark up above. ‘You need to come back with us or you’ll freeze out here, we can protect you from him, we know what he’s been doing to you!’

You shut your eyes and blocked him out, he couldn’t help, they were all in on it, everyone saw what he’d been doing all week and never said a single word, not even when your Diamond had been carried out of your room on a fucking snow sled for christ’s sake; they were all insane, you had to do this on your own.

‘Please, tell us where you are, this has gone too far, we can bring you down when the storm is over!’

Lies, all lies, they were all liars-

‘Tell him there’s no response, we need to keep looking, we can’t let anyone who knows that much get off this mountain,’ you then heard him say to the person nearest to him, the axe digging into your chest just a little as you dug your fingers into the bark of the tree; you knew it, you were just being tricked again, and once the ATVs were gone and no one was left behind but you you just pounded your fist into the snow and screamed into your hand.

It was getting even darker despite the time, the snow whiting out everything and making you disoriented as you started to sway. You’d been walking for what had to be an hour, avoiding the sound of the vehicles to your left and keeping more to the right, the knowledge that eventually the slope would end and you’d be on flat ground again keeping you going. The bitter wetness of the snow was slowly getting worse than the dry cold of the cryo, it was seeping into your bones and slowing you down as time went on, and no matter how many times you stopped in the cover of the trees and pulled out his lighter to heat yourself back up, you feared that it wouldn’t be enough soon. You weren’t dressed properly for this, not for a blizzard, your unprotected face burning and blotchy as you tried to cover your cheeks with your gloves and only felt the ice that was gathering on the fabric each time you put them back on.

It was impossible to see what lay ahead now, you didn’t know which direction the lifts were in as you just kept going, for all you knew you’d surpassed them and were just heading off into the wilderness, and when what had to be a solid hour of nothing but stinging snow passed you started to course correct to the left, just in case. Either way it still kept going down, and the trees were thick when you needed to hide and take a break, but the lighter was slowly running out of fuel, you were still running on two days of no food or sleep, and your bare ears hurt so bad that you were afraid to touch them in case they broke off like in the movies. The thought nearly made you heave so you kept going, it was your only choice lest you actually did freeze to death out there, this would all be worth it when you finally saw your family again.

You smiled weakly as you imagined their faces when you arrived, pushed through the double doors and collapsed into their arms. Your cousins would want to know all about your harrowing escape, your aunts would dote on you while they stormed the kitchens for warm food, and your father and uncles would get the police to tear this place down for what they’d done. All the while your mother would hold you close like when you were a child and she loved you unconditionally, not like the past few years as you pulled away from everyone, your depression getting worse and your mother only growing fed up with you when she didn’t know how to help.

And then he’d come in, escorted by the cops, the cuffs surely not tight enough as you’d get to hit him back, smash things over his head, let your family beat the shit out of him until he was broken and bruised. And then he’d go to jail, and you’d never have to see him again, you’d be free. You’d go home to the warmth and comfort, clean your apartment up til it was good as new, get yourself fixed up, and wear your battle scars with pride because you’d escaped, you were home, you’d survived.

You didn’t realize you’d collapsed until the cold came back to you hard, your eyes shooting open as you felt the warmth from your vision start to sink in; this was worse than bad, you were so cold that it burned, and you pushed yourself up on shaky arms before testing your fingers to make sure they still worked. They did but it was hard as you pulled out the lighter again, your body protecting it from the wind as you desperately lit the flame once more. It brought a bit of life back to your purple fingers until it finally gave out on you, the last bit of warmth he’d ever give you, and you fought not to cry as you kept flicking the igniter until you gave up. You drew back your arm to throw it, bury his last memento from Mead as your final revenge, but you couldn’t as you shoved it back into your pocket and slapped yourself awake.

You couldn’t fall asleep out here, the moment you did your death would be confirmed, and you’d end up just another skeleton on Everest, another missing person to join the corkboard in the police station back in town.

You pictured what was waiting for you and forced yourself to stand, your knees and ankles weak as they instantly gave out and you fell back down, the snow catching you softly as it threatened to cover you in a thick, warm blanket. You won’t bury me, you thought as you tried again, the axe digging into the ground as you got up, your eyes on the endless sheet ahead of you. I’m not dying on this fucking mountain.

It was hard but you started to walk again, making sure to stick even closer to the trees as you took breaks under each one, your progress slow but it was something, it was one step closer to home. You kept your mouth shut tight as you breathed through your nose, blocking out as much of the cold air from your lungs as you could to save them and your throat, it dry as you swallowed and hurried to the next tree, then the next, until the clearing you reached had you flailing blindly in the white until you found a pole. You looked up, just faintly heard the creaking of metal above as the lifts swayed back and forth, and you coughed out a sob of pure joy as you followed the angle of how they sat and took off.

The course was a straight shot down, you were completely exposed out there but the end was within reach like this, you couldn’t stop no matter how much it hurt. With each step you pictured him hurting you, messing with you, assaulting you, each thing only pushing you to go further, faster, you could not stop. You’d rather die out there than go back to that place, he’d kill you for trying to leave him so if you had to die then you’d choose this, but when a hard breeze caught you in the back and you stumbled you knew that you’d have to make the choice sooner than later. You lost your balance, your brain having just enough time to throw the axe away from you as you covered your head and rolled, the mountain carrying you down again.

You gathered snow as you fell, the course clear for the safety of the skiers and the gathering powder soft and thick, but they still found ways to hurt you as you just kept going, the world flashing quickly by in different shades of white and gray, no sky to break it up under the storm. When you finally stopped you just laid there, no Breck to race down and make sure you were okay, the distant thought to make sure everything still moved only getting further and further away as your axe slid into place next to you, the ice formed around it from the trek stopping it from settling when you’d thrown it.

You reached for it, needing its help so you could stand, you had to be so close by now, you’d been walking forever and falling for just as long, but breathing hurt, your clothes were soaked through and digging ice into your broken skin, you couldn’t get up from this one. You sobbed into the ground and felt the sting worsen, the wetness freezing and making you shut your eyes to save your last moments of vision, you were so close, you had almost made it out, you were so close-! The sound of shoes crunching on snow made you look up again, your body shaking so much from the cold and exhaustion that even just that much nearly made you pass out, and when you saw the heavily dressed man in front of you you just cried, your head sinking into the powder.

You’d know him anywhere, even when the only thing you could see was your warped reflection in his goggles.

Just leave me here, you pleaded mentally as you looked up again, you didn’t know how he’d found you but he did, and he just stared at you as the snow kept falling. I can’t do this anymore, just let me go…

He kneeled down to brush the frozen hair away from your face and even then you couldn’t help but lean into it, and when he removed his glove to touch your cheek it burned hotter than anything else before it. He watched you whimper before putting his glove back on and turning, and he pressed the axe into your hands before standing and waiting to see what you’d do. It was heavier than it’d ever been, your body just as much as you tried again to stand, Breck just giving you space as you just barely were able to do it with the last of your energy, and when you were facing him, panting heavily as the wind and snow tried to knock you back down, he raised his arms and waited for you to make your choice.

You braced yourself and lifted the axe so you could swing, you could end it right here, one hit would be enough for the cold to take him no matter where you got him, and as you stared him down you saw that you were at the bottom of the lifts, the same place he’d first offered you the ride almost a week ago. Despite the pain your tears still fell as you shook your head, begged him not to make you do this in the motion, but he just waited, just like he did in your dream as he stared down the barrel, and you let out a scream for everything as you swung as hard as you could.

The axe slipped from your tired grip as you swung at him, it falling to the ground as you almost did too, Breck unharmed apart from the thin slice across the front of his thick coat where his diamond lay underneath, and he let his arms fall down to his sides as he looked away, so that was what you’d chosen.

You had just a moment to try and run before he was wrapping his arms around you and carrying you towards his ATV, others coming into view as they pulled a hat over your head and a new gag over your mouth, your hands bound again and your legs grabbed as you screamed up to the hotel for help. Your family was in there, they were so close, but you only saw shut blinds as everyone huddled up in warmer places from the cold of the blizzard, no one was coming to help. You were sat on the lap of another member to make sure you didn’t throw yourself out the door as Breck climbed into the driver’s seat, your sobbing not ceasing as he reached for the key and sighed.

He looked like he wanted to say something but he didn’t, if he did you couldn’t hear it behind his ski mask to keep the cold out, and you let yourself fall limp but not sleep as the group of vehicles all roared to life and headed back up the mountain even in the storm.

It took longer this time, everyone knowing the way even though they couldn’t see just like he had that night, and you didn’t fight back as two members carried you inside as he led the way. He didn’t take off anything as you were taken straight to your room, Brit already waiting on the bed and standing when she saw that you were okay, the only genuine kindness out of anyone you’d met so far. She went to speak but stopped when Breck held out his hand, motioned for her to move aside, and she got right to work as you were stripped back down for her to examine.

When his lighter was pulled from your pocket he flinched, and for a moment you wondered if he might say something as he snatched it from the member’s hand; he turned it over before patting his pocket, he didn’t know he’d lost it, but he just glanced at you before putting it back in its place and going back to watching.

The other members left to ditch their outfits as the blizzard threatened to knock out the power, a backup generator surely in place considering the location, and you just allowed her to move you every which way as she took in everything. Breck was still there even now, still fully clothed as he leaned against the doorframe, two nurses coming in to help after a while so you could be lifted, and when she saw your back she actually gasped. She didn’t say anything to him, your bed eventually moved away from the wall so everyone could get to you with more ease, and this time when the needle came out to numb you you just shut your eyes and waited.

It eased the growing pain as your fingers were spread out and wrapped up, the gloves good but not for that amount of time outside, and you saw how the skin had gone from purple to red and raw before everything was covered in more white. Your feet fared better thanks to the thick socks and your boots, but the spaces where the ill-fitting pants had been pushed up were also raw, the same going for your wrists.  You were gently held up as Brit applied salve to all of your open wounds, more bandages and gauze coming through the door to cover every bit of evidence up in a ribbon and bow, Breck just watching and not saying a single word.

You bet you would’ve flinched as she then tended to your face and ears, she was extra careful with them as your head was held up and your ears were bandaged, your delicate skin all cleaned up by hands that were a thousand times more caring than his had ever been no matter what he told you or believed. When she was done you were set back down again, a new, warmer blanket brought in to wrap around you while the numbness kept the pain at bay, because once it wore off it would hurt; this would be an agony you’d never known before, one that was all your doing this time, your hands doubled bandaged into mittens so that your fingers could remain straight and heal properly after the cold had tried so hard to crack and break them at each joint.

She only gave Breck a look before she and the others were gone, and he was about to shut the door and sit with you when he stopped, his hand hovering over the wood before clenching into a fist and lowering to the doorknob instead, and he left you there to rot as you went back to staring at the ceiling.

You were forced to stay awake again for your own safety, the buzzer bringing you out of it as your despair only grew. More people came in to tend to you during the day, make sure you got some liquids in you as you were able to move again. It took you a while to notice, but as more things were placed on your bed you realized that your table was now gone, no more temptation to take down the new camera with it absent and your chair destroyed. It didn’t matter, your face hidden under the blanket as you pinned it between your hands and pulled it up, but you only got a moment of that before but it and your pillow were taken, the buzzer thankfully spared this time as the Square took care of the obstruction.

You attempted to curl into a ball but it hurt too much, your knees had suffered a lot during the walk and they were incredibly tender, your only option to keep laying on your back until the thought of someone watching and waiting for you to mess up became too much. You forced yourself to move, sliding inch by inch to the edge of the bed until you could unsteadily lower yourself to the ground, the camera quiet until you pushed yourself into the small space under the bed and basked in your seconds of freedom, there, in the dark.

You expected the buzzer this time but you didn’t move, the bandages made it easier especially when your hands were also pressed over them as softly as you could, and when the door opened you expected to be dragged out again. The mattress was instead flipped onto the floor, bloody side up, before your bed frame was carried out and into the hall, no more spaces to hide. The door slammed and you pulled yourself back onto the mattress and off the bitter tile, no strength to flip it back over as you laid there in the middle of the room and cried.

You had to be fed when dinner came, the sight of plain, canned, crackerless chicken noodle soup bringing you little comfort as the spoon was lifted to your mouth. You felt like a child, the woman currently helping you looking nothing like your mother as she fed you since your hands were useless, your eyes empty as you gulped down the warm meal until your stomach complained a little less. She placed a straw in the bowl so you could drink the broth once the chicken and noodles were eaten, and you licked your horribly cracked lips before she did the same to your glass of water. It was cold, but the cold was everywhere, this would make no difference to you.

You didn't miss her presence when she left too, the small amount of food not settling as well as you'd hoped as it just sat in your stomach, the nausea mixing in with everything else and just making you wish you could just fall asleep and wake up when it was all over. You tried again to sleep and got the buzzer, and when the voice on the other side quickly apologized you just motioned in the camera's direction, you knew this one wasn't supposed to be a punishment. Still, just waiting by yourself was lonely this time after spending so much time around him, and with him still not visiting you yet you felt the emptiness of the room from every corner.

‘Hey,’ you muttered to the ceiling, no one responding, ‘is he there?’

Silence, and then, ‘No.’

‘Is that true?’

‘Yes, don't interact with the camera.’ A pause. ‘Please.’

You swallowed, your lip already quivering. ‘Can you find him?’

An even longer pause this time. ‘No. I won't ask again.’

You closed your eyes as a tear fell, and your fingers twitched as you tried not to make fists and wreck them even more. ‘Please,’ you asked the camera, no response coming this time. ‘I don't… I don't want to be alone…’

More silence, and then your light went out as you went to ask again, the darkness enveloping you before a strobing light from the camera trapped you in the flashing. You instantly felt disoriented, the room spinning as the lights triggered your slight epilepsy; you froze as you were forced into an almost trance, vertigo taking over and silencing you so absolutely that even when it stopped and your light came back on you couldn’t even make a noise. You got it, no more talking allowed as you attempted to blink away the flashing burned into your eyes and painfully rolled onto your chest, your head still spinning as you wept into the mattress.

More Squares came in a few hours later, your body completely stiff as you stared listlessly at the dust that'd gathered under your bed. They didn't speak as they picked you up and carefully brought you to the bathroom, your hands covered in plastic bags to keep them dry. One of them sat behind you to help you stay upright as the other worked the nozzle, and the only thing you could do was think of him as they changed your bandages and cleaned you up now that you were adjusted to the temperature again. They were so gentle with you this time, no more punishment in order since you'd technically passed his test, your current state was punishment enough, and the kindness along with missing the way he'd done this to you made your shoulders shake as they wiped the water away from your eyes and reapplied the salve Brit had given them.

You didn't thank them when they were done, didn't want to get anyone else killed, just stayed silent as they set you back down on your bed and walked out again. You didn't know how late it was but you doubted you'd be able to sleep anyway, the chill so ingrained into you that you didn't even feel it anymore as you lost that way to keep yourself awake. You wanted so badly to talk to the camera again, and you let the loneliness creep in from everywhere until you couldn't hold it in any longer.

‘Breck? Are you there?’ No answer, but no buzzer either. ‘I'm sorry, I shouldn't have- you once asked me if I was afraid of you, and if I thought that you'd do something to me.’ You pictured him standing there, just listening beside you, because the thought of saying all this to just your current watcher was too much to bear, you needed him to hear it too. ‘Even though I tried to kill myself, I was so afraid… when I thought that you were gunna-’ You sucked in a sharp breath, still feeling the gun in your mouth and how excited he'd been over it even though he knew it was unloaded, just because you'd given him the exact reactions he'd wanted. ‘And then, when you almost- you make me hate myself, because every single time I start to understand what you mean about happiness, you do something like that and I can't figure out if you love me or if you despise me.’

You laid your arm over your eyes as you sniffed, the Breck in your mind sitting down next to your mattress, and you reached for him even though you knew he wasn't there.

‘Why couldn't you just let me go? You said you wouldn't hesitate, you could've let me freeze out there and moved onto the next, just like the last one. You’ve already convinced me I'm nothing, I know that I am, no one even came to find me, I was here the whole time and no one…’ You grit your teeth and felt your lip split, the cold had put them in such a bad shape but you didn't even feel it, you couldn’t feel anything anymore. ‘I want to know how to be happy, I can’t remember how that feels, and I haven’t for such a long time, so please just… come in and make me feel something again, Breck, you already know I don’t care if it kills me, I don’t wanna feel like this anymore, I don’t wanna be alone, so please-!’

No response.

No buzzer.

No confirmation if anyone was even watching as the red light blinked steadily down at you, your reflection the only one to meet your eye.

‘Answer me!’ you yelled as loud as you could, your voice echoing off of your empty room now that all you owned was the dirty mattress you were laying on.

The door opened and you instantly sat up even though it nearly made you pass out, your wide, hopeful eyes narrowing in sheer disappointment when you saw that it was just Chet, a ring around his throat and a bandage on his temple where you’d hit him. He looked angry at you, you’d really hurt him, but the anger faded as he glanced at the camera and stepped in, the door locking behind him. He didn’t speak, it was too dangerous, just sat down across from you on the mattress and placed something between you. You looked down to see a taser, harshly black against your messes, and when you looked at him you knew what was coming.

His eyes flicked up and to the right towards the camera behind him, he was probably already on thin ice for letting you not only get to a phone but to escape, and you didn’t even attempt to try and grab it with your mitts as he picked it back up, apologized with his eyes, and jammed it into your stomach.

Instantly you retched as your body seized, the little food in your stomach threatening to rise as he counted under his breath and pulled back. You collapsed back against the mattress, your eyes unfocused as your stomach muscles twitched, you could still feel it, your breath refusing to come as you choked on air. ‘Don’t interact with the camera again. Chet will be watching until dawn,’ your watcher said, a new voice from last time, and even though it hurt and it would keep you awake, nevermind the fact that this could kill you in the process, you just laid there and silently thanked him for the company.

‘What… time is it…?’ you whispered carefully between breaths, your mouth moving so little that the camera wouldn’t see no matter the resolution, and when he pretended to check your pulse he allowed his sleeve to raise just enough for you to get a glimpse of his watch, your first real tell of the time since your arrival.

8:49PM.

You closed your eyes and tried to imagine lasting the next nine hours, and when the buzzer went off again to wake you, you felt the electricity shoot through you again as he was forced to join in for as long as it screamed down at you.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Love Until We Freeze Ch.6 Day 5 - Breck/Reader

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, the reader is in a lot of pain today, brief descriptions of the new injuries, forced (but accepted) masturbation, desperate grinding, orgasm denial, burning as a test, full loss of privacy (cameras), sleep and food deprivation, loud sounds as punishment, brief deafness, physical abuse to stay awake, needles/injections, exhaustion-induced anxiety and panic attacks, medical numbing, character death.

Wordcount: 9067

Summary: You said you'd do anything to make it stop, but you weren't the only one hurting, and he was going to make it worse if it killed you.

Notes: This one is rough, Breck takes a step back this chapter to punish the reader, so once again please check those tags.

You had no dreams, your mind completely blank still as you opened your eyes and saw more darkness. You were getting used to it now, it didn't scare you anymore as you looked around, your jaw then going slack as an overwhelming fire exploded under your skin all at once. It was like you were in a furnace, every scratch of the blankets made it so much worse, your voice refusing to work as you kept blinking so you could make sure you really weren't burning alive. Your body was still heavy but in a different way as you tried to pat down the flames, and as soon as your palm made contact with your bare skin you arched so hard off the bed you nearly toppled over; almost every inch of you was now tender, the places where you'd patted now throbbing, and you threw back your blanket and tried to find him in the dark to make it stop but he wasn't there, you were alone.

‘Breck!’ you shouted into the room, trying to summon him back but he didn't come, the mattress was too hard and the blankets were too thin, he'd sent you back to your room after he'd knocked you out. ‘Breck!!’ It hurt so much but you'd chosen this, you’d told him you wanted it instead of the machine and he'd given you just that, given you all the pain you'd gladly chosen over four more minutes of the blissful numb he'd forced you to get used to.

You hissed as you ran you hand over your arm, feeling all the welts and lines left behind, a few larger and hotter from when the buckle had hit you entirely, and just doing that much was almost enough to make you retch from your brain being unable to process the damage in the dark when your door opened. He stood there alone, completely shrouded in silhouette as you attempted to sit up and failed; the backs and sides of your legs were also burning and it was starting to make you actually convulse as it all mounted higher, the sensations building on top of each other until you almost passed out again. He sighed and entered without a word, and even though you called for him you still rolled onto your now bad shoulder and pressed yourself against the cold wall in fear of what he’d done. Instantly you were unable to stop the miserable cry that clawed its way up your throat as your back lit up as well, Breck hushing you and cradling your thankfully still uninjured cheek as he kneeled on your bed.

‘It's just past 2AM, everyone's asleep,’ he whispered, but even now you knew he didn't give a damn about your neighbours, if you actually had any. ‘You told me you wanted this, do you take it back?’

‘Y-yes,’ you confessed, clinging to his hand so he wouldn't leave again, he was your only tether to the single chance of making it stop and you couldn't let him go.

‘You said you'd do anything, will you do anything to get back into cryotherapy?’ You nodded, turning just enough to kiss his hand, show your desperation, your appreciation for the offer. You didn't care how many times you had to jerk him off or let him come on your face, you'd even blow him if you could stand to kneel long enough, you just needed this to end. ‘We'll see about that.’

He stood, taking his hand with him as you tried to follow, the pain making you flop back down onto your chest as you fisted the blankets with another hiss. He rolled your chair up to you, it diligently waiting by your empty table, no dinner on it for when you awoke you barely noticed before he was helping you stand; your ankle still hurt and was a bit overextended but it was nothing compared to everything else, just a little shock lost in a lightning storm, your heaving breaths as you sat punctuated with twitching muscles and fallen tears. He wiped the latest one away before rolling you back down the hall, and you thanked him repeatedly until he passed the gym and went to his room instead.

‘There're no cameras in here, not for the Diamonds,’ he told you as he parked you facing his bed, locked in the brake, and sat down directly across from you, his legs crossing and foot tapping the air as you stared at each other a moment. When you couldn't keep his gaze you saw what he'd done in the dim moonlight, too afraid to look before but now you had no choice, and your shoulders sagged as you moaned in realizing anguish; you were littered in red, lines and circles and broken shapes covering your arms and legs all the way down to your ankles, some of them bruising dark purple and black already while others were actually scabbing. He truly had beaten you to hell because you couldn’t stay awake, what would he do if you tried to back out of doing whatever he asked?

‘I-it hurts,’ was all you could say as you remained plastered to your chair, his request, no, order never coming as he just watched you, and he tapped his foot a couple more times before leaning back and placing his hands on the bed behind him.

‘I never let you come yesterday, I just remembered that,’ he thought aloud, and you felt an ache run so deep through you that it could only be pure despair.

‘What…?’

‘I would’ve let you after I told you about my plan, I trusted you with all of that, but then you threw it back in my face, didn’t you?’ Again he didn’t sound offended or like he was playing up his disappointment to get you on his side, his voice still level and calm despite what he was saying.

‘I never-’

‘Here’s the deal: you get yourself off, and I’ll bring you back to cryo, spend all night with you even though I should be sleeping, do you think you can do that for me?’ He waited patiently for your answer, just watching as your mouth opened and closed repeatedly but no sound came out, and when it seemed like he might take it back you tried to get up only to crash right back down on your seat.

‘I don't think I can,’ you admitted weakly, but he didn't help you this time, just continued to sit back and wait.

‘I know I shouldn't be rewarding such unbecoming behavior from a future Circle, especially since you'll be getting two rewards with the cryo, but I need you to prove to me that you can follow orders, so grind on my boot until you come, I want to watch you do it, or I'm taking you back to your room, can you do it or not?’ he asked, and even though you didn't want to do what he asked you also didn't want to wait in your room until he punished you for this too. You shakily pushed yourself to stand, your teeth clenched and hands gripping so tight into the leather armrests that it split, the chair skidding back over the carpet until it was out of the way and you were able to kneel in front of him. Your knees burned as the rough material dug in while you tested your weight, your hands grabbing onto the blankets to hoist yourself up so you could straddle his boot, and as soon as you felt it slide between your thighs you shuddered and hunched against his leg. 

He didn't react at all, not even moving as you adjusted yourself until you were properly resting on it without bending his ankle and hurting him, your brain focusing on the pain in your knees so that everything else would hurt a little less. He didn't rush you either, his patience endless tonight as you started to move, your face hot and red while you avoided his eyes; you could almost feel where he looked at you, a stinging heat traveling down your arms as you held on and rolled your hips forward, feeling nothing but the aches the first and second time, something warm settling in your stomach the third time however. You hadn't gotten off in front of him yet, not counting him watching you without you knowing, and every bit of pleasure you brought yourself only added to the humiliation of what he wanted you to do, what he'd been building up and denying you for days. You shut your eyes and moved faster, grinded a bit harder on him while the feeling in your stomach grew, your heart beating against his leg as you started to lean on him more heavily.

‘That's it, I know how badly you need this,’ he sighed above you, his fingers running through your hair before grabbing on lightly, your throat going dry as you almost latched onto him instead.

‘I don't… need it…’ you panted as your hips jutted a little harder, and he wasn't fooled at all as he breathed out a laugh. 

‘Doesn't look that way from where I'm sitting.’

You wanted to hit him, shut him up while you got this over with, but the moment you touched him you clung to him like he was your only lifeline, your pleasure spiking a moment as he chuckled and tugged your hair in return. You let out a gasp before you bit your lip to stop any more sounds from escaping, Breck lifting his foot and rubbing it against you hard enough to make you keen. You were almost there, your movements getting erratic as you chased your high, drunk off of his attention as his nails scratched against your scalp, found the tender spot where your head had met hard floor, the throbbing of him testing the area lost as you leaned into him and groaned.

You'd never tell him but you'd never been more turned on in your life, your mouth falling open as you let him lay your face against his thigh, panted hard into it, your teeth grazing his jeans as you begged him not to stop, to keep going as he lifted his foot again before uncrossing his legs and lowering it back down to the floor. ‘No, please-’ you moaned but not in a pleasurable way as you let go of him to reach between your legs, desperate for the end until he tightened his grip in your hair and yanked your head back.

‘I changed my mind, I won't be rewarding your behavior after all,’ he said cruelly in the dark, tears actually welling up from the frustration as you stared at him, grit your teeth, and shoved him back. He landed on his mattress with a bounce, everything burning again as you climbed on top of him, his smug grin not missed as you crashed your mouth into his. He just let you grind down on him as you tried to build it back up again, your hands planted on his chest as you swore to yourself, the angle not enough to make it feel good, and you were in the middle of sitting up to fix it when he grabbed you by the wrists and switched your positions.

The fire spread fast through your back, your body trying to escape it as your release died down again, it wasn't fair, this wasn't fair-! ‘Stop toying with me, I’m doing everything you ask,’ you pleaded, the sharp nip at your neck not enough to push you over the edge thanks to the symphony of agony flaring up wherever you were touched.

‘Thought you didn’t need it,’ he reminded you with a quick nibble to your earlobe before he was off you again, the sound of your wailing filling the room as the only heat you felt became your injuries again. He dragged you to your feet so you could be placed back in your chair, your crying only interrupted with short bursts of discomfort as he gripped you too hard or a particularly bad spot was hit, and by the time you actually were on the way to cryo it’d faded away to mostly whimpers, no one awake to hear them other than the people behind the cameras.

Your crying had fully stopped by the time you reached the room, Breck turning on the lights one by one as you went so he wouldn't bump into anything in the dark, the moonlight coming from the wall of windows not enough to light your way. The machine whirred to life as you waited patiently, already feeling numb from your acceptance of your situation. When it was fully warmed up, or cooled, more like it, you just stared at the lowering temperature as Breck opened up the door and stood aside. You sucked in a few deep breaths before pushing yourself to stand, your legs shaking as you didn't look away from it, your socks and gloves handed back to you before you stepped inside. 

You shut your eyes as the door was sealed again, the chill already settling into your bones and making the fire on your skin flare up all at once. It felt like you were being stabbed by a million needles, it was almost crippling how much it burned but you didn't fall, your head staying above the rim as you held on tight, Breck watching you in interest before going to the closet, grabbing the fabric strips, and waiting for your okay. You just nodded as your teeth started to chatter, your gag in place first before everything went black. You closed your eyes and felt his hand on your cheek for just a moment until you were left with the fog surrounding you without mercy, your back straightening as you shifted your weight off your ankle and let the cold in.

He stayed with you all night just like he promised, not torturing you this time until you could hardly stand it but instead sharing his body heat with you until you were ready to go back in, neither of you speaking as you shivered against him until the flames under your skin died down. It still hurt, the cold went deep but each brush of him against you still made you jolt at the sting, but it helped in a much more obvious way than yesterday since there was so much more to numb. You officially knew the dawn had come when someone entered the room to clean it, your legs still wrapped around him as he turned to face the door, and you heard their cleaning supplies bump against each other in their bucket before you were alone again.

‘Everyone will be up soon,’ he muttered lowly as the door clicked shut again, and you didn’t say anything as he helped you stand so you could go back in; you thought that he might eventually react to your closeness the more the night went on, but those were the first words he’d said to you since you’d started, and it was starting to make you worry. He didn’t say anything else as you were shut in again, maybe a few more sessions of this would kill your nerves completely so you wouldn’t have to worry anymore, and you focused on the fact that that might be something you actually wanted to distract you from any more thoughts of him.

He sat back down and set your timer once more, your neck stiff as you faced the ceiling to keep out of the merciful but deadly fog that surrounded you, but as the first minute went by and you heard a strange clicking noise you furrowed your brows and started to look around. The sound stopped for a moment before starting again, and you heard him get up as the clicking got louder and his footsteps approached. You were getting worried again, he hadn’t moved in hours outside of helping you, maybe he thought you needed it colder since you kept going back in?

‘She gave this to me, back when we started dating,’ he said suddenly, and you jumped a little at the sound of his voice. ‘When I first came back to find her, I’d made sure she saw the cheap, plastic one I’d bought on the way, wanted her to think I’d thrown it out when I left, but I kept it all those years.’ More clicking, and then a familiar metallic whisk that flashed an image into your mind when you heard it. ‘I haven’t used it since, I quit after I got out of the hospital, getting shot in the lung is a pretty final say against any cravings, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to get rid of it, maybe I’m sentimental.’

You felt heat against your cheek and you pulled away, the smell of the lighter in your nose as you started to breathe a little heavier, Breck holding your chin up again when it dipped too low.

‘Or… maybe I was just waiting to associate it with something else,’ he continued, a plea already leaving you when you heard him close it again and move away. You didn’t know where he was, didn’t know what to expect when your minutes were up, if the lighter had made him mad enough to take it out on you or if the thought of Mead was making him closed off again, but no matter what you knew you had to accept it just like you were doing to the cold. Even if he hurt you, you just had to bite down and bear it otherwise something worse might come, and you were starting to catch on that every punishment came with such softness afterwards that you realized it might almost be aftercare if you thought he knew what that word meant.

Your timer went off and you calmed yourself in preparation of what came next, he was probably too tired from staying up with you to do anything too bad, and you just had to believe that as the seconds dragged on but the door never opened. You knew he was there, you could hear him breathing as he watched you, and you almost called for him before you swallowed and stood a little straighter. It was past four minutes, your body would start to go into shock soon but you needed to give him this, the way he’d hold you after would be all the warmer because you’d followed orders, and sure enough the door eventually opened just as you lost the feeling in your feet.

You toppled into him again but this time he was prepared, and you wrapped your arms around him as he brought you back to the benches. You felt his lips press against your forehead and knew you’d done it, maybe this had been enough to satiate him, but when you heard the lighter click open again you barely had enough energy to try and sit up. ‘Careful, don’t wanna hit your head again,’ he said so softly as you heard him thumb the ignitor, it spinning over and over until he did it hard enough for the flame to rise. Instantly you could feel the heat of it against your arm, the injuries there stinging as he slowly dragged the flame from your elbow to your wrist, and you could only pray that he wouldn’t set your glove on fire as you held on tight. ‘Casey always was at his best around a warm fire, that’s where I knew I had to stay, will you stay if I can do the same with you?’

The heat intensified, melting away the numbness as the flame dragged closer, and you tried not to react when you smelt the faint stench of burning hair. 

‘You were in there for five minutes that time, you can’t even feel this, can you?’ he asked as the flame moved back to your elbow, a slow drag that he repeated up and down as he kept talking, and even though you could you still forced yourself to shake your head because you were sure that was the answer he wanted. ‘You can’t? So, something like this wouldn’t hurt anymore, right?’

You bit down hard as he held the flame directly under one of the numbed lines, your breathing coming out heavier as the sting turned to a burn; your entire arm shook as you felt the skin peel, and he seemed pleased with that as he finally pulled it away and took a look. You dreaded being able to see it later as he touched the wound, your entire arm twitching as you involuntarily jerked away, and when you heard his small laugh you knew you’d ruined everything.

‘So you can feel it, were you lying?’ He kissed the new wound, your mouth filling with saliva as you hissed in pain, his tongue gliding over it before he kissed all the way up to your wrist. ‘Should we numb this too? Or are you done now?’ You didn’t know the answer he wanted this time as he held your hand to his cheek, mouth still brushing over chilled flesh, and when you never said anything he flicked the lighter back to lift and pressed the burning top directly into your wrist. You couldn’t hold this one in, your body numb but still pulling away so hard he nearly dropped you as you let out a muffled cry, and you heard him put the lighter away as he pulled you back into his lap and kissed it all better again. ‘There you are, there’s my Bunny, were you staying strong all this time just for me?’

You hesitated before nodding, that was what he wanted to hear, and he kissed away the chill on your neck before allowing you to steal his heat again the normal way, his test was over, you’d passed this one.

You sat with him for who knew how long, the pounding bouncing between your forearm and wrist making you twitch as the rest of you warmed up again. He never stopped kissing you, light, gentle things that spread out everywhere he could reach to reward you for doing so much better despite you pulling away, and when you started to feel the pain in your legs again you knew you needed another session.

You couldn't tell him you were ready again thanks to the gag so you went to stand, your signal for him to open the door during the long hours of the night, but this time he just held you in place, kept you from moving. ‘You've had enough, you appreciate the cold, now,’ he told you before removing your gag, your jaw completely stiff as he massaged the joints. ‘So perfect, you weathered it so perfectly for me, I'm proud of you.’ He didn't remove your blindfold right away and you had no smart remark for him as you waited, this was usually when he used you to get off while he praised himself for his good work, but as he shifted you off of his lap and onto the bench next to him you felt confused more than anything. ‘Perfect, but… I can't forgive you for what you did to me, not yet.’

‘What're you talking about?’ you asked as you reached for him but he wasn't there anymore, your hands only finding air before you felt your gag wrap around your wrists just above the gloves, the press of cold skin heavily irritating your new burn and making you yelp. ‘Wha-? What're you…?’

‘You're getting spoiled by me, I'll admit to that, you aren't supposed to be using this equipment this freely, moving around the facility, visiting my room,’ he explained as he bound your hands together, your panic rising as much as it possibly could in your exhausted state. ‘Normally, all Circles are to stay in the Testing Wing, continue their training in the facilities there, but since you've been my personal project I thought it'd be okay to be a little more lenient, and I see now that doing so allowed you to get used to my kindness, not to how things actually are up here.’

The door opened again and you worried for a moment that he'd walked out when you felt the hands on your arms, the feeling coming back as you were roughly yanked to your feet, Breck touching your cheek again for just a moment before letting out a sigh, although it didn't sound genuine.

‘I told you I wouldn't be rewarding your behaviour, so be a good boy for me and take your punishment so we can move on, do you understand?’

‘What're you gunna do to me? Breck, what are you gunna do?’ you demanded as you were dragged towards the door, no footsteps following as you fought against them until it burned again, but you didn't care; being with him was unpredictable and dangerous but you didn't know what to expect at all with everyone else, it was a new type of unpredictability and danger, one you didn't know if you could survive without him there to hold you after hurting you.

‘I've already given them my orders, just get through the day, I know you'll come out the other side of this,’ you heard his voice in the distance say before you were being all but carried to your room, only knowing that's where you were heading based on the familiar twists and turns. They threw you onto your bed and ripped off the blindfold but not the one around your wrists, the Squares looking down at you with a mixture of pity and disgust before walking out. You stared at your door before looking down to your arm, a red smoky streak trailing across your skin, a definite burn right in the middle of it; it was about the size of a quarter, he’d burnt through the first layer and left you peeling and raw, and you honestly didn’t know if you’d rather he bury you or burn you as it just blended in with everything else.

You checked out your wrist next, a welted circle right over your pulse and throbbing twice as hard staring back, there was no way it wouldn’t scar. Your other wrist brushed it before you realized this was going to be hell more than a punishment on its own, so you tried to slip your hands free. Breck had given you no slack as your joints complained at the pressure and your burn was relentlessly rubbed before a loud sound screamed through your room and made you scream back. You looked around in a panic but nothing happened, your eyes wide as you examined every inch before deciding that it was okay, you were safe.

You tried to remove the bond again when the buzzer screamed at you once more, it still making you yell and jump, but when you stared at the camera and tried it a third time you only jumped a little bit as it rang out in response. You already felt frustrated as you let your hands fall into your lap, your body shifting with difficulty as you got comfortable in bed and closed your eyes to at least let your tired body rest after your sessions. The buzzer hit you even harder that time, and you smacked your head on the headboard as your warming skin started to burn again.

‘Breck!’ you shouted at the camera as you sat back up, and the silence that stretched on made your anger wane into nervousness until the speaker came to life.

‘Breck’s orders were very clear: no eating, no sleeping, no removing the bindings,’ a woman told you through the static, your stomach dropping as you ignored all the pain to crawl forward to the edge of your bed.

‘No eating… how long does he expect me to do this? I'll starve!’ you demanded as your stomach already growled, your last meal the scraps you'd devoured the morning before, you were already running on fumes as it was. 

‘You're to stay there and accept your punishment until he sees fit, don't engage with the camera again.’ It crackled back to sleep and the woman didn't return no matter how many times you shouted for her, your last one rewarded with another blast of the buzzer so loud that your ears rang in the following silence. You let your head fall forward as you clutched the sheets, your shoulders shaking as you fought not to cry, your stomach empty and your head already hurting from the loud sounds and lack of a proper sleep.

‘Just get through the day,’ you told yourself as you sat back, your light blaring down on you and needing to stay on so you didn't fall asleep. ‘That's what he said, just one day, I can do this, I've pulled all nighters and forgotten to eat before, this is nothing.’ You got comfortable but not too much on your bed, your back pressed to the permanently cold wall to keep you up as your practically flayed, bare skin stung so much it helped wake you again. You could do this, his punishment would be nothing compared to the shit you'd put yourself through on accident, you just had to find some way to distract yourself so she wouldn't have to buzz you again, then everything could go back to normal; maybe now would even be a good time to work on your plan to escape, get everything sorted so that by the time you were able to get some food and sleep again you'd be ready to go.

He'd always been cruel but this was too much, the verbal and physical abuse had always been easy to shove down to save yourself as it was happening but to leave you alone with nothing but time was torture, and you started to imagine all the ways you'd get back at him for this.

You didn't realize that your fantasy of getting to smash his head in with the sharp end of his ski pole was so comforting that it was putting you to sleep until the buzzer woke you up again, your heart racing as your moment of bliss was shattered.

Maybe this would be harder than you thought.

You wished that you had a clock in your room as you paced the floor, sitting too painful and too risky after what had to have been the first hour. You had gone over your plan so many times that you knew it down to every last detail, how you'd butter him up, let him think he was in charge again before asking to go practice your skiing, you could do it, you understood now, anything to get him to touch you and want you and take you back outside. You'd suit up, wait until he was about to do up your skis, and as soon as you were ready you'd attack; you wouldn't hesitate this time, you'd hit him, knock him out, leave him in the snow to freeze for once before taking your skis and bolting for the courses. You'd have to be fast, you couldn't afford to take too long since you didn't know how many cameras were outside, but if you snuck just out of sight you might be able to pull it off, might be able to fly down the mountain until you could find help and get back to your family.

The thought of that fueled you but you were still losing energy fast, your legs wobbling as you just kept walking until you were dizzy and nearly toppled over into your table. You decided to sit a moment while your head stopped spinning, the tiredness nearly taking you once more as you slowly lowered to the chilled wood before you were woken up again. You moaned out a sound of frustration and hit the table, your desire for a clock growing even more as you stood back up, took two steps, and this time did fall.

You fell to your side in a last ditch effort to save your knees, your arm and side burning but it was okay, another long blast telling you to get up, now. You shook your head as you stared at the bed, you just needed a moment, the person behind the camera pressing down the button and not letting go until you were standing.

‘I'm fucking awake!’ you shrieked, your voice breaking as the camera just stared at you, and you looked away so they wouldn't see the tears that fell as you shouted at the empty room. This wasn't good, it was so much easier to ignore your basic needs when it was just yourself hanging out, doing some work, playing games, literally anything other than this; having someone constantly watching was putting you on edge, making you horribly aware that even though you were alone they were always there, and when you picked up your boot and threw it at the camera to get them to stop you were rewarded with a brand new sound.

This one was shrill, like a dog whistle almost as it made your head buzz, your hands slamming over your ears as you felt your teeth rattle. Your watcher didn't let up for this transgression, the whistle hurting so much that the tears did flow as your knees buckled and gave out.

‘I'm sorry! Please- STOP!’ you pleaded with them, your watcher giving you a few more seconds before letting up, your head still screaming as you collapsed back with heavy breaths; your ears were ringing so hard it was like a grenade had gone off right next to your head, your body twitching as you shakily lifted a hand to snap by your right ear to make sure you could still hear. You could, but it was faint, a warmness telling you about the irritation, and when you touched your ear and held your hand in front of your eyes you saw red dripping down your fingertip.

Your watcher laid off the button for a while after that, and you knew it was only because the buzzer wouldn’t be as effective when your hearing was halfway blown. They let you rest but you still didn’t sleep, finding out the hard way that when you thought you could get away with it that they had a backup; your head had just begun to tilt when a nervous Circle had walked in, took one look at you, and slapped you hard across the face. Your head snapped to the side as you woke back up, and he looked almost apologetic before he steeled, he actually wanted to be there and he was passing his own test, and he gave the camera a glance before walking out again. You were miserable, your face hurting and your ears still ringing as you supported yourself on the mattress with your elbow and gingerly touched your cheek, your body too tired to even cry.

Now you were sat facing the door, your knees held to your chest as you stared the camera down, your eyes snapping open again every time they threatened to close before your watcher could send someone in. You held your hand up to your ear and snapped again, you kept doing so as the ringing died down, but now things were just muted even without it, like your head was underwater, and you just shook your head at the lens as you narrowed your eyes. You hated whoever was on the other side, honestly it wouldn’t surprise you if it was just Breck, but he hadn’t even bothered to take you back to your room this time, so he probably had more important things to do today.

You didn’t put it past him to send someone in even when you weren’t falling asleep if it were really him staring back at you.

You kept going for as long as you could, but when a Square came in to hit you awake she did it with her hand soaking wet, the slap stinging her and making you cry out. You knew your face was going to turn red at that one, the Square waiting until the camera couldn’t see her before quickly rubbing her hand and walking out. You didn’t do the same to your cheek, just clenched your fist over the sheets and forced yourself to stand, and you hoped that they could feel your hate as you sucked in a breath and slapped yourself on the same spot. That one hurt, a gasp of pain leaving you before you stood up tall and headed for the bathroom, if physical pain couldn’t keep you awake then you knew what would.

You didn’t want to strip, but these were all the clothes you had and the casual chill was only making you sleepier, you needed something stronger, and you ignored the heat on your back from the lens staring right at you as you stripped down and set your clothes on the sink counter despite your handicap, your torn undershirt tearing all the way as you bit down on it and pulled lest you keep it trapped around your arms. You turned the water up as high as it would go, the metal bar mocking you once again but today you needed this, needed to put up with it just long enough to buy yourself another hour.

‘Just one day,’ you repeated to yourself, your voice loud in your head as you stepped inside and shut the curtain. You nearly slipped as you faintly heard the buzzer go off again, it lasting longer and longer the more you were able to ignore it, the water doing its job as you started to shiver, lose feeling in your fingertips, but your brain was waking up in the shock, it was working. You were about to duck your head under when the curtain was flung open, a rather beefy Square saying something but the water in your head was too strong, his voice just muffled as you snapped again, shook your head. ‘I c-can’t hear anything,’ you told him, the Square looking you over before grabbing onto your arm and pulling you up to him.

‘The curtain stays open, or you lose it,’ he yelled next to your ear, your eyes widening as you shook your head again; this was your last bit of privacy, your only safe place, and the Square just sighed before reaching for the curtain and getting ready to tug.

‘I’ll d-d-do it! Just leave it, p-please,’ you begged, the volume of your voice unknown as he trusted you and leaned against the sink. ‘Aren’t y-you going to-?’

He shook his head since he knew you wouldn’t be able to understand him from that far, and you felt the water sap away all the heat from your blush as your waking shock turned to a deathly cold. He let you attempt to shower before you started to sway again, the Square rushing to catch you before you smashed your head on the tile, and he also looked at you in pity as he shut off the water and led you back to your bed. You were sopping wet, all the energy gone from your very being as well as the warmth, a dangerous backfire as you heard a muffled command from above; the Square didn’t even look before hitting you once, and when that didn’t work he slapped you directly over the center of your back where your injuries were the worst.

It was an explosion of pain but even that didn’t work, and he said something you couldn’t hear before someone else was joining him. ‘Breck?’ you asked the stranger as your vision started to fuzz, only seeing a gray sweater and dark hair, but he came into focus when you felt the slash where his hand had struck. It wasn’t Breck, just another Square as he gave your attacker a nod and walked out, and when you looked up at him you could’ve sworn you saw him mouth the words, ‘I’m sorry,’ before hitting you with the pole again.

It was almost nightfall, it had to be as you sat on the floor of your room, your body naked and numb as the cold seeped into your open words. The Square had hit you even harder than Breck had thanks to his size, a lot of your welts opening up under the pressure, but even when he was done and your brain finally started to shut down Breck never came. Brit had, though, bringing with her a small zippered case of something as she looked over your injuries and yelled at the camera. You couldn’t hear what she was saying, even as your hearing came back more with the passage of time she still felt a million miles away, but whatever she’d said had been argued against her as she had the Square lift your arm.

You’d tried to pull away when the needle came out, but you could barely keep your eyes open and he was strong, the blood on your arm doing barely anything to help you slip free as she helped hold you so she could insert the tip into the crook of your elbow. You felt sick as you instantly became woozy at the sight, and when you’d felt the liquid inside get pumped into your veins you’d vomited all over your bed. The Square didn’t let go, he would probably get a promotion for this, and Brit wiped off your mouth with the edge of her sleeve as soon as the empty needle was removed. She said something to you but you couldn’t hear it, a stampede of fire ants racing through you as your heartbeat quickened, fingers twitched, pupils dilated.

Adrenaline to do what they couldn’t, even you could figure that one out.

‘D-don’t leave m-e like thi-s,’ you pleaded with her but you knew she couldn’t stay, even your Square leaving you after he tugged your dirty sheets free and walked out, leaving you with just a bare mattress, its springs digging into your legs. You shivered as you had nothing to cover yourself with, and when you noticed that you were staining the mattress you moved to the floor to avoid Breck’s eventual wrath about it, the cold creeping up your spine as you just held yourself and felt like every inch of your body was trying to rip itself apart and run free into the snow. Your chest hurt as your heart relentlessly pounded, your stomach was even emptier, and when your chattering teeth finally did chomp down on your tongue you had to touch it to make sure you didn’t actually bite off a piece when the taste of iron filled your mouth.

You needed to clean yourself up, use the pain to finish what everyone else had started, but you couldn’t move, your muscles locking up even as you twitched. You could only stare and wait for him to be satisfied, but the longer he stayed away, the longer you gazed into the warped reflection of yourself always watching, your determination and exhaustion and hunger and pain transformed into something else, something that couldn’t be so easily forgotten.

‘Stop watching me,’ you told the person on the other side, and you weren’t sure if the sound of the camera whirring as it zoomed in was real or all in your head. ‘S-stop… stop watching me.’ The camera didn’t answer, the speaker silent as you used your bed to prop yourself up, then stand, then walk. ‘If you wanna keep an eye on me, then come down here yourself, you fucking coward!’ Still nothing, your adrenaline-fueled panic making your veins burn just as bad as the open wounds across your arms and back as you picked up your chair and smashed it into the wall until it broke. ‘Stop! Stop it! Just stop!’ You climbed on top of the table and used the chair piece you were still holding to beat the camera until it was starting to come off the wall, your hands grabbing for it even as the whistle rang out again.

You could hear it, your brain and ears in agony as you screamed over it, your fingertips cutting on the broken plastic as sparks started to fly from the live wires, and you didn’t stop even when three Squares all rushed in at once, including the one who’d beat you. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you kicked at him, the other two attempting to help him, but he only helped you as you hung on tight and pulled the cursed thing right from the wall. The whistle crackled to a stop, the red light off as you laughed hysterically, you’d won, your victory cut short as another needle was brought out.

‘I’m awake, I can stay awake!’ you insisted as you started to thrash, your Square wrapping his arms around your own, his grip true as the remaining Square grabbed onto your head and pulled it to the side. The needle was shoved into your neck without any grace, the bile rising in your throat again before the second covered your mouth and plugged your nose, you wouldn’t be making a mess again. Your eyes rolled back as everyone relaxed then, and when you were placed back on your bed you couldn’t move an inch. ‘What did you do to me?’ you wanted to ask, but your mouth wouldn’t move, your tongue heavy and falling to the back of your throat until you started to choke.

They were quick to notice, and more pillows were brought so you could be propped up enough for that not to happen again; you were in the middle of weakly coughing when your hands were finally untied, your gag moved back to your mouth despite being soaked with blood, your Square making sure it wouldn’t dig too much into you before looking away. ‘So you don’t bite your tongue,’ he explained, the whistling hadn’t deafened you permanently, you could understand what they were saying again. It barely helped as they whispered amongst themselves though, and when a fourth and fifth arrived you were unable to cover yourself as they handed over strips of colourful, thick, elastic ropes, the same kind you’d seen decorating the courses outside. Your hands and feet were tied to the bed frame, for your safety it was also explained, but you didn’t know what safety that could be since you felt heavier than lead.

You could only move your eyes as the final Square also stepped onto the table, a new, wireless camera that matched the bathroom’s drilled into place so that your watching could commence, so Breck could keep making sure you were taking your punishment like a good boy. You shut your eyes tight and sobbed, no one but your Square passing you a second glance as they all filed out, and you couldn’t even get the mercy of being fully numb as the rough material of the mattress seeped into your back.

You felt delirious as the adrenaline kept you up, the numbing agent stopping you from acting out until the former started to wear off, and you knew your hearing was back when your eyes started to close and the buzzer went off again. You couldn’t even jump apart from your heart skipping a beat and your brain waking up again, and when you wept it was dry, your eyes so tired that you had no more tears to shed despite your distress. You didn’t know how long it’d been since Breck sent you away, maybe it was hours as you hoped, maybe you were well into the night and it’d all be over soon, maybe it’d only been a half hour in your sleep-deprived state, you couldn’t be sure. All you knew was that you wished you could remove the gag so you could bite through your tongue and drown in the blood, but he wouldn’t let you, he’d find some way to save you again and you’d just lose the ability to talk back to him forever.

‘I’m… sorry…’ you told the camera, it still silent above you as your words were muddled around the gag. ‘I’m… so sorry…’

Your door opened, your eyes starting to lid again as you waited for the next hit or whatever the hell else they were sent to do to you now that you really couldn’t fight back or defend yourself. When the mattress dipped you finally looked, and you started to whimper in relief when you saw that it was Breck, he’d come back to you. He didn’t say a thing, just took the gag off and brushed your bangs out of your eyes as you tried to lean into his touch but couldn’t. ‘What did you say?’ he asked softly, but it wasn’t with any concern, that flat tone there again but you didn’t care, he was there to get you out, that was all that mattered.

‘I’m sorry,’ you repeated, but he didn’t look any more convinced, ‘I’m sorry I fell asleep, I disrespected you, I deserved this, you were right, you’re always right-’

He hushed you then, he could tell you were just saying what he wanted to hear, you could see it in his eyes. ‘You do deserve it,’ he agreed, and you immediately started to beg him no as the fear of him letting this continue just like everything else ran through you. ‘You do, but I’m nothing if not a man of my word.’ Your Square walked in then, but he was now wearing a diamond, you were right, they’d promoted him; he carried a plate and a tall glass of water in his hands, the food sparse but easy to chew and digest in your state, and you thanked him as Breck motioned for him to bring it over. ‘However, something was brought to my attention as you were being punished,’ he continued, your Diamond just frowning in confusion before Breck brought out the gun hidden behind his back and fired.

The dishes crashed to the ground as you screamed, your Diamond’s confusion turning into fear as red spread out from his stomach, the man staggering before falling hard to the ground. You couldn’t look away as the tears fell, your neck aching and twitching as you fought to, and Breck just looked down at the mess and hummed as two Squares came in to drag him onto a sled and pull him away.

‘Such a waste, I’d tell you to eat your fill, but if I’d wanted you to eat broken glass I’d just feed it to you myself,’ he said lowly, your fear of him increased even more as the still smoking gun was lifted and examined. ‘It’s funny, killing a person; it doesn’t matter how many years it’s been since you’ve done it, it just gets easier and easier each time you do, almost like riding a bike.’

‘Breck, please…’ you whispered, the feeling coming back to you as you trembled, unable to move, barely able to speak, and when he shifted and pressed the hot barrel against the underside of your jaw you let out a gasp of fear as you shut your eyes tight and waited for the bang.

‘I want you to apologize to me again, and this time, I want you to mean it,’ he ordered you slowly, enunciating each word as you gasped in breath after shaky breath, your heart pounding hard again as he pushed it against you a little harder with each second you hesitated.

‘I’m… I’m sorry,’ you stuttered, his eyes shining as he leaned in even closer.

‘For what?’

‘For fa- for falling asleep, when you were trusting me.’

‘And what else?’

‘Um, uh- for-’ The gun dug into the soft flesh under your jaw even harder, and you heard the sound of the trigger creaking as he applied more pressure. ‘For disrespecting you! For not taking you seriously!’

‘You don’t take me seriously? Oh, Bunny, I thought you were smarter than that…’

You tried to move away but you couldn’t, your sobs getting caught in your throat as he placed the gun right to the center of your forehead where you could see it. ‘No! I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry! I’m spoiled! I used you! I’m so fucking scared, Breck, what else do you want me to say?!’

‘Tell me that you’ll stay,’ he requested simply, your eyes looking away from the gun in fear as he sprawled out across your chest so he could watch you even more closely. ‘Tell me that you understand that I’m only trying to help you because I see myself in you, and that you’re thankful that I chose you.’

‘I- I-’ Your voice was trembling so much, and he adjusted his grip as he took in a deep breath and waited. ‘I’ll stay, and… I understand th-that you’re only t- trying to help me,’ you whispered, his empty hand running from your cheek down to your collarbone. ‘And I’m thankful… you chose me.’

‘You’re so perfect,’ he repeated as he trailed the gun over your forehead, between your eyes, down the bridge of your nose, and finally let it rest against your quivering lips. ‘Tell me you love me.’

‘...I love you.’

‘Say it again.’ The gun pressed against your mouth, his finger twitching on the trigger, and when you opened up to speak you whimpered in dread as it slipped inside and rested against your tongue.

‘I love you,’ you obliged, but the words were slurred around the steel, Breck pressing a kiss to one of the no longer bleeding gashes under his left hand.

‘Again.’

‘I love you.’ Your eyes shut tight again as your tears flowed freely, the gun slipping down towards the back of your throat, and when you heard the trigger squeeze and the hammer slam down you didn’t know if the following gasp came from you or from him.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Love Until We Freeze Ch.5 Day 4 - Breck/Reader

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, pain-accompanied threats, water sharing/spitting, descriptions of the reader's injuries, anxiety, handjobs as a distraction, unwanted attraction/lust/grinding (at first), forced handjobs/come eating, physical punishment (beating).

Wordcount: 8568

Summary: You were too injured to go back outside, so another type of cold was needed to help heal you before he could get back to his testing, but with each distraction comes more time together, and you're not the only one it's affecting.

Notes: Breck gets violent again in this one, please refer to the tags before proceeding, even if it's just for a scene. There's also lots of talk of being so cold that the reader goes numb, in case that makes anyone uncomfortable.

Despite waking up in the middle of the night again, you managed to sleep until the sun started to rise, your body too exhausted from everything to resist letting you soak up every second of his comfortable bed. The next time you opened your eyes you were alone though, and the thought of escape had only a moment to cross your mind before you shifted and were reminded of the current state of your ankle. You gasped out a cry, everything else hitting you at once as your lucidity returned, a door on the opposite wall opening; although no steam escaped you could see that he’d been showering, his hair still a bit wet as he pulled on his usual outfit.

‘Quiet, the walls may not be thin over here but I don’t like you making a racket so early,’ he chided you as he went to his closet, the limited warmth from the day before gone again as he picked out a new vest to wear.

‘Sorry,’ you mumbled even though it still hurt, it was your first decent sleep in days and you couldn’t handle the thought of him ruining it if you made him mad; you knew now that his kindness came with a price, just another of his tactics to let you relax just enough for him to hurt you again, trap you in his cycle so you’d stop fighting him and listen. You didn’t want to admit it but it was working, as long as he’d keep touching you so gently you’d stop biting the hand that fed you, but even then, even when you did everything he said, let him do whatever he wanted to you, he’d still punish you as he saw fit, wouldn’t he? ‘I’m sorry…’

He glanced at you at your second apology, your body already tensing as he walked over and reached for you, and the corner of his mouth teased a smile as he brushed your messy bangs aside. ‘Only a bunny would be this jumpy so early in the morning,’ he taunted as you willed yourself not to move, and when he gave your cheek a light slap you barely even flinched. ‘Interesting, did you want me to hit you harder next time?’

‘N-’ You cut yourself off from answering and his eyes flashed with something but he didn’t hit you again, your eyes staying on him as he went back to getting dressed. You didn’t move as he grabbed his walkie from his desk once he was all done, radioing down for your breakfast to be brought to his room that morning, as well as his own so he wouldn’t have to leave you. You pulled the comforter a little tighter around your shoulders as he cleared off a space on his desk, his chair rolled to the side so there’d be room for you to sit next to him.

‘How do you feel?’ he asked as he then grabbed your wheelchair once he was satisfied, and you tied your robe a little tighter once the comforter had to go.

‘Hurts to move,’ you admitted, maybe he’d at least take pity on you and not bring you back outside for Round 2 until you were better, you’d listen to as much talk about how Casey thought he could actually help people and cure depression with just fresh air and skiing over that if it was an option.

‘I’ll take you back to see Brit when I’m done eating, have her look you over now that you can answer.’ You didn’t comment on his choice of words, already making a mental note to eat fast or else he might have you stop halfway through your only meal of the day; maybe if you were lucky you might actually get lunch today.

‘Thank you,’ you said as politely as you could instead, and this time he did smirk as he helped you stand. You kept your foot just hovering over the ground as he held you by your hands, your butt hitting the seat hard as soon as you were within reach of it, and as you adjusted yourself he dropped down to one knee to inspect your cast. ‘Don’t!’ you blurted out when he went to grab on, your panic overcoming your plan to just let him do what he wanted, and he let his hands rest on the plastic as he looked up at you.

‘Do you think I’ll do something?’ he asked, but there was no offense in his tone, no fake hurt, and it took everything you had to not lean forward and shove him away. ‘I want you to know how it feels to experience true freedom, why would I wanna hurt you? It’d be counterproductive, wouldn’t it?’

You bit your lip, your hands gripping the arm rests as he moved a little closer, lifted your foot into his lap. ‘I’m sorry, that was stupid of me,’ you tried, and he pet your cast before turning your foot a little to the side.

‘You won’t do it again, will you? I’d hate it if you insulted me or tried to make a fool of me in front of anyone else,’ he purred, your foot turning a little more until your knee started to strain. ‘I’ll let you off the slope for now, but if you do it again…’

‘Ah-’ you gasped as your knee started to twinge, your back arching as pain started to shoot down your leg, you couldn’t hold this one in, it was going to snap- ‘I won’t- I won’t do it again,’ you swore, Breck waiting just a moment longer before letting you go, your everything instantly untensing as you started rubbing at your aching joint.

‘There’s a good Bunny,’ he cooed as he patted your foot just hard enough to make your ankle hurt too, the double spasms making you pant as you hunched over. A knock came to the door immediately after, Breck straightening himself up and using you as a ledge to do so before walking over to let the Square in. She held two plates, his with a lid to keep his breakfast warm since he couldn’t eat where he usually did, yours looking even more pathetic than the day before even though you needed the energy. ‘Tell Brit when you pass by that we’ll be down to see her in a bit, and make sure that…’ His voice trailed off as your ears started ringing, if he decided to keep you there then you’d lose all time to yourself until you healed, you needed to be more careful, you needed to be better-

He placed his hand on your shoulder to snap you out of your thoughts, the Square gone again as you were rolled up to the desk, and you didn’t know if you were relieved or disappointed to see that there was only one thermos for him as well as a glass of water, today you had nothing, you were going to get dehydrated if this kept up. Still, you forced a weak smile as you picked up your fork, making sure to not eat until he’d sat down and started first, you could play this game, you could keep humouring him just how he wanted; it would be harder now but you could still get out before your family left, there was no way they’d bail on the search before the week was over, you just had to take a day or two to rest up and then you could really try, hell, until you’d crashed you’d been pretty decent at skiing, you could do it long enough to find someone to help you.

You stared at your food as you ate, your mouth parched as you craved the water he was currently drinking, and when he noticed and held the glass towards you you knew you looked pathetic as you nodded and swallowed. He just took another drink and you looked down disappointedly, of course he wouldn’t share, and when his hand suddenly wrapped around the side of your head you had no time to react as he pressed his still wet lips against yours. You obediently opened your mouth to accept his tongue, you weren’t in the mood but you needed to get through the rest of breakfast without him finding any excuse to end it early, and when he did the same you didn’t expect your mouth to flood instead.

He pushed the water onto your tongue and you fought not to gag on it, a quick inhale from your nose nearly making you choke before the sweet relief of the liquid made you swallow again. You were so thirsty you needed more, and when you glanced at the rest still waiting in the glass he just breathed out a sigh as he pressed his forehead to yours, the headache you didn’t even know you had starting to throb a little harder thanks to the new constant strains on your body.

‘Everything you receive you get from me,’ he whispered before kissing you for real, he was relishing in the fact that you couldn’t eat or drink up here without him, everything you currently owned was because he gave it to you, and when he parted you found yourself lowering your fork back down to the table from its position between you, pointed directly at him.

‘Thank you,’ you said again, and he seemed pleased enough to hand you his glass; you drank it down with no hesitation, Breck just snickering before uncapping his thermos and taking a sip of his own marshmallowy hot chocolate, just the sight and smell of it enough to almost make you gag after yesterday. 

You finished the rest of your meal in peace, nearly choking once or twice since you were trying to finish before he did and you were all out of water, but he didn’t react as he ate his own full meal until he was content. He left everything there for someone else to take before pulling you away from the desk and starting on the walk to Brit, the place starting to get actually familiar to you now that you’d been pretty much everywhere. The other members avoided your gaze as you passed, and you tried to ignore the whispers from behind you about how he was going to kill another one at this rate, their talk about when and their bets on it only making him angrier, you could hear the handles creak under his grip. You didn’t want to, but you raised your good arm and reached for his hand, tried to calm him even as you shook, and when he trapped you under his palm you didn’t pull away even though it was really hurting your shoulder.

Brit’s office was a proper nurse’s station, of course it would be considering it would be dangerous to live up there otherwise, but the woman herself wasn’t what you expected as she walked out in a gray sweater with a white cross on the front. She was older, much older than Breck, but she still moved like she was young as she all but glided across the room, her long hair tied up in a braid and her smaller glasses still reflective as she pushed them up the bridge of her nose. She looked you over before getting to work, checking out the cast and undoing it so she could see your ankle, and you gasped when you saw how bad it was; the skin was very inflamed, the area swollen as she rolled it for you, your hand trying to tear out from under his but he wouldn’t let it, holding you tighter and making the pain bounce between your shoulder and your actual injury.

‘It needs to go on ice,’ she told him as she grabbed a roll of bandages and started rolling it tightly around the joint, a bit of extra insurance to keep it straight.

‘I’ve got that taken care of,’ he answered as his other hand moved to your shoulder, gave you a squeeze, and your breathing quickened as your nightmare flashed before your eyes. ‘What about the rest?’

She buckled the cast back into place and stood, frowning at the robe before motioning for you to stand, Breck letting you go so he could handle that part himself. ‘Robe off, please, I need to see how your bruises are forming today, see if you need any x-rays,’ she instructed, and you were the one to take it off yourself before he could, although you still saw the way his eyes took in everything once again. He held you straight as she examined your back first, her gloved finger poking and prodding as she asked where it hurt and how bad, your voice no more than a hiss most of the time as he held you up. She hummed to herself before grabbing a camera off of her table of tools and snapping a few pictures, and when she was done she had you sit on her cushioned examination table as she walked over to your side.

She held out the camera and flipped to the first one, your eyes widening when you saw how terrible your back looked in reality, the expanse of it already turning yellow and purple as the bruises spread; maybe it was because you’d spent so long laying in the cold but it hadn’t hurt that much yesterday, and you felt his hand brush over everything as she pointed out the problem areas.

‘For the most part it seems like the weight of the fall was distributed so you didn’t put too much pressure on any specific area,’ she told you, Breck’s thumb pressing hard right into the center of your back. ‘Nothing was dislocated, but until those bruises heal I wouldn’t do anything too strenuous, and I’d definitely stay off the mountain, isn’t that right, Breck?’ She shot him a pointed look, she was too old and had probably been there too long to be intimidated by him, and he let his hand fall from you as he crossed his heart out of the corner of your eye.

‘Need to find more training skis in that size,’ he joked, but you could tell that he was also serious, and she huffed before turning back to you.

‘Anyway, you miraculously didn’t get a concussion from the fall, probably because of the fresh snow cushioning your head, but you did get a bit of whiplash from it, so if you end up not being able to move your neck without pain be sure to see me, I can give you more morphine,’ she said as she flipped to the photo of your neck next, your hand shooting out to grab her wrist even though you knew he wouldn’t like it.

‘No needles, please,’ you allowed yourself to admit, your eyes straining to stay on her as you heard him shift beside you, and she looked actually concerned before it was gone and she went back to business.

‘We have all kinds of painkillers up here, it doesn’t have to be injected,’ she let you know before moving her examination onto your front, you laying carefully back and trying to keep your reactions to a minimum as she double checked to make sure none of your ribs were actually broken. She didn’t say anything about your throat, although the way she hesitated on it made you sure that he might’ve left behind some marks, or even you might’ve, you hadn’t even thought about it, your cheeks flushing shamefully as she moved on. She removed the bandage from your right forearm to check out the cuts but they were looking pretty good, as were your hands even though it looked like you got in a bar fight with a bear. Both were replaced before she finished up, and she paused again when she saw something on your side.

You felt his hand on you again as she tried to figure out what left those marks, of course she wouldn’t know, and Breck didn’t clarify as she chalked them up to being another injury from the fall even though you bet she was trying to place if she saw them the day before or not. You grit your teeth when she tested your knees, Breck’s hand just lightly brushing your own not to comfort you but to remind you not to embarrass him, and you just breathed and stared at the ceiling until she was done and you could sit up again.

‘I don’t think any x-rays or scans are in order, and thankfully you two weren’t outside long enough for hypothermia or any nerve damage to kick in, it seems like the pool was just what you needed so you can thank Breck for that; just keep an eye on things and come find me again if anything changes,’ she told him as she took off her gloves and threw them away, Breck moving away from you to grab your robe off your chair.

‘I will, I wanna be able to head back out again soon, we still need to master the bunny hill,’ he said as normally as he could, like he was really talking casually about skiing to his co-worker, but you knew better by now. Going back out there before you were ready would only mess you up worse, and you didn’t put it past him at all to try it as long as you could stand on your own.

‘Good, and Breck? Stay off the Greens until it’s time, I know that last one was an accident but-’

‘She wasn’t ready, they were forcing me to take her to Blue.’ He said it through his teeth, her caution not appreciated as someone else reminded him of the last person he’d trained, but she just sighed and patted him on the shoulder.

‘I know, but you’ve been here long enough, you could’ve told them no if you really wanted to, we both know that,’ she reminded him, and you saw too many emotions fight for dominance in his eyes before he forced a smile.

‘Okay,’ was all he said, and she gave you one last look that almost looked caring before walking back into her office. You watched her go as Breck helped slide your robe back over your shoulders, the heat appreciated until he leaned in close to tie the belt for you. ‘I could’ve, but where’s the fun in that? If she really wanted it she would’ve tried harder, like you,’ he whispered into your ear with a rough tug of the belt, it winding you as his words chilled you back down to your bones. ‘We need to find you some clothes, you’re gunna need them for where we’re going today.’

Even without knowing, you still felt the dread start to build as he sat you back down, a million possibilities of what he could mean racing through your head as you left the nurse's station, your destination completely at his mercy with your ability to run now taken. You didn't realize you were already panicking until you felt a small pile of clothes fall into your lap, a jolt of surprise hitting you harder than normal as you made the Square who gave them to you jump in return, a wave of cold washing over you as you heard Breck clear his throat slightly. Your hands closed over the outfit, not even taking in how little there was as you stared at the ground and mentally begged the Square not to leave, but he did, and then you were heading down a familiar hallway.

‘I had plans for today, but thanks to your little spill yesterday we'll have to push it to tomorrow,’ he said as you reached the gym, and as soon as you saw the door leading to the Tank you began to stand before it even registered. ‘Easy now,’ he tried to calm you, his hand on your shoulder again as he pushed you back into the seat, your arm refusing to unlock, ‘that isn't what you need today. I didn't think I'd have to introduce you to this room just yet, but since you're in such bad shape, I thought you deserved a visit.’ He opened another door in the long line, this one holding another machine you didn't recognize, although you did understand instantly what the cylindrical tank next to it held as he turned it on and it started to cloud.

A hiss filled the room as the liquid nitrogen started to feed into the machine, Breck tapping its front panel to life and getting it ready as you again tried to stand. You knew it would make him angry but you didn't want to know what that machine did as you clung to your chair, your clothes falling to the floor as you attempted to sneak back to the door, but at the sound of them he turned and saw you. You started spewing out sorrys even as you continued to back up, your leg shaking as you tried not to put too much weight on it, your words falling on deaf ears as he ascended on you, grabbed you by the robe, and started to tear it off.

‘It’s unfortunate, cryotherapy is so good for you, but the body just can't handle that much cold.’ He threw the robe out of your reach as you reached for your chair to steady yourself, the wheels giving it no stability as it rolled away and you toppled over with him quick to follow, one hand holding tightly onto your wrist while the other picked up your fallen clothes. ‘You need to cover up when you use it, or else certain extremities will freeze right off, even though you're in there for such a short time.’

He started to tug the underwear up your legs but it caught on your cast, so he set it aside as he started to take it off again, your panic rising even more as you tried to kick him off; you got him hard in the chest with the very bottom of it, his body lurching back as he toppled onto his ass, your leg still in his grip as he rubbed at the area.

‘Careful,’ he warned, his voice dipping dangerously low as he held your calf hard enough to make it start to cramp, ‘don't give me any reason to break it next.’

You instantly stilled, allowed him to take your cast off so your tight underwear could be slid up and over your thighs, it clinging to you to make sure you stayed protected from the cold. He tugged it into place on your hips, admiring the way it clung to your every curve but not touching, he was too mad to indulge in you you could only guess as he grabbed your socks next. Even though you'd be wearing your cast you still got two warm socks, a pair of gloves to protect your hands this time but only because you couldn't do this without them, a similarly snug undershirt covering your sore torso last. He stood and brushed off his pants before extending his hand for you to take, and you stared at him before looking down to your cast still laying on the floor.

‘But…’ He followed your gaze before shaking his head, he'd left it there on purpose.

‘You think you can wear that inside? It'd crack and shatter before you could,’ he told you before giving up on waiting and grabbing you by the arms, your cries of protest ignored as you quickly put all your weight on your good leg. You clung to him as best you could, your toes just barely off the ground as your injury started to throb again, Breck just hushing you and petting your hair as he inched you closer to the machine. ‘It'll be okay, this will help the inflammation,’ he soothed you as the door to the thing opened, a heavy fog of cold spilling out and all around you as you tried to fight him again. ‘It’s helped many of our members with other things as well, like sleeping and anxiety, you wouldn't need any help with those too, would you?’ He shoved you in and you braced yourself against the back as the cold already bit at your legs, your ankle giving out and making you fall.

There was no humour on his face as he held you up before you got too low, his grip on you true as he made you stand up tall, completely serious as the cold just kept flowing. ‘Please don't do this,’ you softly begged as you held onto him, already starting to shake as the fog permeated your socks, Breck more focused on making sure you wouldn't fall again before placing your hands on two covered supports built into the sides.

‘Hang on tight, it'll only be for 4 minutes, and don't let your head fall under the top,’ he instructed as he let go of you so you could test your weight, the only thing keeping you standing your growing paranoia about what that meant as you shifted all your weight onto your good foot. When he saw that you were steady he shut the door and walked over to another closet for those who used the room, pulling out two strips of black cloth and walking around to the small space between you and the wall. ‘If you see how much time is left you'll be too tense to let this work, so just relax, and don't worry, I won't let you stay in long enough for the hypothermic shock to set in.’

‘Breck, I don't wanna do this.’ You were shaking not just from the cold now that the door was sealed, a new type of cold seeping into you as it started to build. You were just barely peeking over the top as you looked back at him, your chin right above the mist as it started to spill out through the only available opening.

‘Don't breathe any of this in, it's still nitrogen, I don't wanna lose you just yet.’ He ignored you, you had no choice again, you were already in and the clock had started. ‘And don't take these off unless you want to lose your hands too.’

‘Wha-?’

He pulled the cloth over your eyes, your sight taken from you as your head was wrenched back; he tied it tight and you fought not to remove it as you started to hyperventilate, Breck giving you a moment before doing the same to your mouth. A muffled yell came out as your teeth closed over it, his promise that it would keep you from biting through your tongue not mattering to you at all, you didn't believe him anyway. Your hands came up to tug at the knots before he wrenched your arms back, your body arching and your bad ankle burning as you planted your foot on the ground to keep from falling. Breck bent you back as far as he could until you were quickly shaking your head, trying to tell him you were sorry through your gag.

‘I want you to listen to me as long as you're in there, and I'll let you out on time,’ he hissed into your ear, your throat straining to swallow as the cold numbed every inch of you more than anything else you'd experienced so far, every part of you exposed to it beyond the few articles of clothes you were allowed only because he had to provide them. ‘Let it in, let it help you, it's only for three more minutes.’

You could only nod, and he let go of you so you could relax fully again, the nitrogen doing its job as soon as your arms were lowered back into the fog. Your teeth were chattering around the gag, and you heard Breck walk back around to sit down and wait for you to be done, leaving you to sink into a new void. You didn't feel weightless this time, you felt heavy, like you were slowly turning to ice as it penetrated you, it spreading from your feet to your legs to your waist, crawling higher and higher until it was all you knew.

‘I didn't get to finish talking yesterday, I got distracted by… other things, didn't I?’ he thought aloud from somewhere to your left, your brain focusing entirely on his voice because it was the only thing you could experience other than the cold. ‘This is the perfect time to tell you more about this place then, while you're still and listening to me.’ You didn't say a word, your gloves doing little to distribute the warmth fading from your palms every time you moved. ‘Edmund Casey didn't just want to help people through skiing, you know, it was a big part of it but there was always more from the start, and being able to spread that message through the comradery of gathering together around a warm fire after spending the day out there on the powder was the perfect way to make that a possibility.

‘He could gather everyone around so easily, even though I only got to know him for a short while I remember being so drawn in when he talked about how he found a way to make everyone feel better, unite them through the purity of the freshly fallen snow.’ You tried to repeat that this was a cult but you couldn't, the words barely made it past the thinking stage as you wobbled but didn't fall, your hands gripping the supports again as you were exposed to the cold fully once more. ‘I've tried so hard to make you understand this since you arrived, make you see how being up here will do more for you than being out there ever will, and you're starting to believe me, aren't you? I saw it in the way you smiled so wide yesterday, you were free out there.’

You heard him stand, your head turning to follow him based on his footsteps, your ankle wobbling again as you started to forget about the pain and put too much pressure on it.

‘Two minutes, you know that if you stay in for longer than four your body will go into shock, it felt like that when you first stepped in, didn't it?’ He was to your right now, and when your chin started to dip too low he lifted it up for your safety. ‘Do you know how cold this machine can get in order to be truly effective?’ A pause, he wanted you to answer, and it took all your energy to shake your head. ‘Over -220° Fahrenheit, can you even comprehend how cold that is? You can't, you avoid the cold like it's something terrible to stay away from at all costs, even when I've done nothing but show you how beneficial it is, how wonderful.’ He touched your cheek and you leaned into it, desperate for anything other than what you were feeling but he pulled away just as fast. ‘I know I said four minutes, but I wonder what would happen if we tried five.’

‘Ple-’ you choked, your tongue refusing to form anything else as your saliva froze through the cloth, your mouth shutting again to protect the muscle inside.

‘Will you appreciate what I've given you when I drag you from this thing, unable to fight back like you did earlier? Would you understand all I'm doing for you if I gave you more of what you desire? I told you before, there's nothing for you out there, the sooner you accept that and stay here the sooner you'll get used to the happiness and freedom I'm offering you, and your self-evolution will come after without fail.’

One minute, you were shaking so much that you could've sworn you were starting to forget what the sun felt like.

‘He taught me that I could leave everything behind, be with others who were burned out there, and he was right; Mead had betrayed me long before I went to Portland, my family never even looked for me once they got word of the accident, this was the only place I ever belonged, and I knew you belonged here too from the moment I saw you.’ He placed his hands on the back of your head, keeping them at a safe distance from the nitrogen as he made you lean forward, your throat pressed into the cushion surrounding the interior and rim. ‘You could've tried harder to leave me, you could've given me any excuse or tried another way to find a way in or get to shelter that night, but you chose to come with me, and I knew then that I wasn't wrong.’ His breath was hot on your face and you needed more, he was all you had left. ‘My Circle, do you know why she died on the Blue that day?’

You felt a tear freeze on your cheek, Breck so close to you that you fought not to reach out and grab him to keep him there.

‘I tripped her.’

The alarm went off, your time was up, Breck letting out a disappointed breath through his nose as he let go of you and unlatched the door. You didn't wait for the okay, stepping blindly into the dark and crashing into him, forcing him down onto the ground as you twitched and spasmed at the bursts of fire against your skin. You gasped out stuttering breaths through the gag as you wrapped your arms around him, and that only made it worse but you didn't care, going into shock would be better than this because at least your brain would shut down and give you just a moment of reprieve.

‘How's your ankle feel now?’ he asked into your hair, but you couldn't answer even though it did feel better, the area so frozen that it only twinged when you shifted wrong. ‘Still that bad, then? We'll have to do more sessions until the inflammation goes back down.’ You started shaking your head wildly, you couldn't go back in there so soon, Breck just petting your head and bringing you back to his chest. ‘Of course it won't be immediately, you're no good to me if you're laying in a morgue.’ His tone didn't convince you at all as you held him a little tighter. ‘We'll warm you up first, get you back to normal, and then when you're able to take it you'll go back in, get your ankle healed so I can take you back out there.’

You shook your head again but you knew it was no use, once his mind was made up there was nothing you could do to change it, except…

You breathed through your nose as your hand slid from his back to his chest, Breck still and silent under you as you found the bottom of his sweater and slipped your hand underneath. He sucked in a breath at the chill of your glove, your head pounding as you tested the waters, see what he'd do, if this would be enough to save you. You couldn't kiss him and you didn't want to know what would happen if you tried to take the gag off to do so, so you laid your face against his shoulder as you touched lower, found the top of his jeans, his inner thigh, the growing bulge between his legs. He groaned as you palmed him, didn't push you off or away, so you continued to move until he gripped your arm, bucked his hips ever so slightly.

If he thought that he could win you over by being kind, then you'd manipulate him right back by giving him exactly what he wanted.

You nuzzled into his neck, not stopping as he started to breathe a little heavier, but when you made an attempt at his belt his hand found your wrist, held you in place. ‘They're watching, there's cameras everywhere in this place,’ he whispered just low enough for you to hear, and your skin crawled but what else could they take from you, what else could they see? You proved to him you didn't care, silently lying that you wanted him as you kept going, Breck growling into your ear and guiding your hand. You kept rubbing him as he undid his belt himself, his need showing through the cracks of his demeanor as you heard him shove down his jeans just enough to get at his briefs, fueled by your false desire.

A shiver ran down your spine as you felt the shape of him, his briefs and your glove separating skin from skin, and you were ready to continue when he stripped it off you and held you to him, a sigh leaving him that made you sharply inhale. Don't fall for it, he doesn't actually feel for you, you reminded yourself as your body started to warm back up at the sound, the heat unlike anything he'd shared so far as you felt him, reached inside to grip him.

‘Bunny…’ he sighed, not even caring enough about you to say your name as you felt his head fall back, your teeth biting down harder on the gag as you willed yourself to stop reacting to everything he did because of you, tried to ignore the way he held onto you so hard that it burned. You tried to, but when he choked out a moan you couldn't help but stroke him faster, pulling him out of the confines of his underwear to move more freely, hear him get more into it. He pulled you onto his lap so you could straddle him, one hand on your arm while the other held your lower back long enough to move you forward until you could feel your hand rub against yourself, the thrill of knowing what you were doing hitting you so hard you let out your own muffled sounds through the gag.

Don't fall for it, this is to distract him.

He sounded like he was getting close, the hand on your back going to your hip to help you roll against him, or maybe that was all you when you felt him kiss and bite at your neck.

This means nothing to him, I'm just a means to an end, he doesn't love anything other than this place.

He let go of you and untied the gag, your jaw stretching before he was kissing you hard, and you squeezed him a little harder as you bit his lip the first chance you got to pay him back for splitting yours.

I don't like this, I don't want this…

‘If you stay, I'll make you mine,’ he panted before his voice caught as you sped up for reasons that definitely weren't because the thought excited you, you just wanted to get this over with. ‘I'll bury you, bring you back perfect, and I'll never let you leave me.’ He was insane, completely brainwashed by this bullshit, there was nothing left of him to be saved and you didn't want to save him, you didn't-

‘If I left, would you come with me?’ you didn't want to say but you did, and he paused before shoving you back hard onto the floor. Your head bounced and you let out a cry before he was on you, his hand wrapping around yours and bringing it back to his waist, he was forcing you to jerk him off as he sat on your chest, just barely hovering enough to allow you to breathe. It was just like your nightmare and you fought against him as he pinned your other hand to the ground beside your head, his breaths quickening even faster until you felt spurts of something hot hit you in the throat, chin, mouth. You clammed up but he let go of your hands to force open your mouth so you could taste him, the salt wiped off his fingers invading your tastebuds and making you unwillingly keen. You tried to spit it back out but he covered your mouth, saliva flooding over your tongue and mixing with it until you had no choice to swallow.

You could almost hear his smile as he got off of you, your ribs screaming as the feeling came back to you, and you felt his hand squeeze you in a trail of places all the way down to your ankle; he touched the joint softly, your leg jerking away and making him grab onto your lower calf and foot, it enough to make you yell as he held you down against the floor. ‘Feels like you're all heated up now, your ankle feels hot again,’ he mused as he rubbed where he'd grabbed, your leg still twitching as you clawed at the floor in pain. ‘Let's get you back in before it hurts too much to stand, you can do another four minutes now, can't you?’ You covered your eyes with your arm as your throat tightened, fighting to keep it in as you let him help you stand, your body walked backwards until you felt the cold hit your back again. ‘I'll admit, I didn't expect you to want to heat up that way, but I'll indulge you when you're done if it'll get you back in here faster, maybe I'll even let you come next time if you're good.’

‘I hate you,’ you mumbled as the door closed again, Breck picking up your gag and wiping off your face with it so his come wouldn't freeze on you before placing the cloth back into your mouth, and you were forced to taste him against your tongue as it was tied back into place.

‘Keep telling yourself that,’ he said back before disappearing into the darkness beyond your blindfold again.

You spent the next several hours in and out of that horrid machine, 4 minutes in and only 10 minutes out max, and each time he let you out he'd tease you just enough to almost get you off so your body would heat up and be just warm enough to allow you back in without going into shock. You were overestimated, hungry, tired, and you were so weak from standing that he'd actually called in two people, probably Squares since you were catching on to the hierarchy here by now, to bring in a back brace and make something for you out of it.

It cinched your waist and torso as you limply stood in your new prison, your only option to listen to him as he gave you the full backstory of the place since you couldn't distract him or hurt yourself. By now you knew everything, even about this mysterious secret book that Casey wrote before he died containing information that only he and the Double Blacks knew, and he'd been rambling about it for the past two cycles, only pausing in the moments he held you in his lap and toyed with your body until you had no choice but to feel it. 

‘I should've been the one to read it next, no one's tried harder to make the Double Black than I have, why couldn't they see that?’ ‘They,’ as you discovered, were the original council of members that owned the hotels; they oversaw everything now that Casey was gone, and it was down to them to choose the next one but even they didn't have the knowledge of the book's location; that was only passed down by the Double Blacks to their successors, and it was only through Mead sharing that information with one of her own chosen Diamonds that the location was able to be given to her own successor after she died.

It would've been an interesting story to know this actually happened, but last session you'd actually surpassed your limit, and you were now in a state of being so cold that you couldn't even feel that anymore. 

‘All I need is something on him, some reason to get rid of him and prove that I'm what the Institute needs,’ he muttered to himself as he stood by you, letting only you hear because even he wasn't invincible in this place, all it took was one of the new Double Black’s confidents to hear him talk about this and he was through. You were his only confidant, but again you didn't care, your head lolling to the side as you slowly stopped standing on your own.

You knew he was mad and he needed your attention, you could hear it in his voice and how he started pacing before confiding in you, but it was getting hard to stay awake; your ankle didn't hurt anymore but nothing did, not your ribs even though the brace dug into them, not your back, not your elbow, nothing as you had just enough energy to let your head fall back so you wouldn't inhale the nitrogen. He saw you, he must have from the way he stopped talking, and you tried to make a noise to show him that you were still listening but you couldn't, all you could do was shiver until even that stilled.

The door opened before your alarm went off, Breck checking your pulse and lifting the one side of the blindfold so he could look into your right eye. It surely dilated as you saw nothing but white, you'd been in the dark for hours again and everything was fuzzy, but that also could've been due to the lightheadedness you were also feeling. You blinked slowly, his blurry form letting you go with a scoff as he let your head drop, and you heard his footsteps recede as you hung there, numb and useless. This was your chance, if you could just lift your arms you could take off the brace, find some clothes, and get out, but even just testing your fingers to make sure they still worked was too much for you.

You wanted to cry in frustration but nothing would come, your shoulders shaking slightly as your legs fully gave out and you hung there, and with the full weight of your body on the hastily-built makeshift supports you only had a second to understand what that sound was before you were falling. You didn't hold your hands out to catch yourself, your body turning slight due to the order of the support straps breaking, and you landed hard on your shoulder with a whimper. You didn't feel it, for all you knew you'd just dislocated it but no pain came as you laid there, your exposed eye adjusting as you tried to move as many parts of you as you could, so far your eye being the only one.

When Breck returned you felt your hopelessness come with him, and you fuzzily saw him work out what'd happened in mere seconds before he was clicking his tongue and walking towards you. ‘Were you that impatient to get back to me?’ he asked casually, but you had no words left to give him to humour him. ‘Or were you trying to get away again after everything I shared with you?’ He was still mad, and you saw the long form of something in his hand before he sucked in a breath and swung it.

Pain sprang out where it hit, a fire under your skin as your body tried to flinch but couldn't, your eye widening as it adjusted more and watched him pull back again. This time it hit your thigh, more fire spreading enough to get you to twitch, and he breathed out a laugh before hitting you again, then again. The more he hit the more the fire spread until you were starting to curl into yourself with awakening limbs, your hands coming up to cover your face, your knees pulled up to your chest as you hunched forward.

‘S-stop… stop!’ you yelled through the gag, your exact words muddled but the point still got across, Breck kneeling down to yank the gag down over your chin. ‘I wasn't… trying to leave… why are you doing this?’

‘I'm warming you up,’ he said simply, and then pulled it back up again so he could hit you right across the arm. You screamed, your numbness almost gone as you exposed your back to him, and he rolled down his sleeves enough to touch the frozen metal and undo the buckles; he removed it and tossed it aside the same way he'd done to your robe, and you wailed as he started striking your back over and over. You covered your head with your arms as well, desperate to save at least that part of you from his rage, your fingers pulled into fists when he almost hit them, the terror of him possibly breaking some of them with his hits flashing through your mind as he hit you so hard you heard fabric tear. Your loudest scream yet filled the room, Breck panting above you as he finally stopped, and he let the object fall to the floor before kneeling behind you again.

It was a ski pole, and it was stained red in places, the buckled strap at the top still holding a small piece of your undershirt in it.

‘You… you asked for this,’ he breathed as his hand hovered over you, fingertips just barely brushing and making you whimper pathetically from the soreness of even that much. ‘You keep asking for me to hurt you, no one here knows what Mead was to me, and you'd rather pretend to sleep than listen to me be vulnerable with you? You're so fucking cruel.’

‘Make it stop, please…’ you begged him, your voice weak and your throat hoarse from screaming, and when he placed his hand on the spot where he'd last hit you felt a pain so bad your yell cut itself off almost instantly.

‘You want to use the machine again that badly?’

‘No, please no, anything but that please, I swear I'll do anything-’ You were babbling out desperate pleadings to him, your body trying to turn so you could face him but the moment you put weight back onto your shoulder you gasped, you really had landed on it badly. Instead you ignored the strain in the shoulder he'd beaten to hell and grasped at his hand, pulled him towards you so you could reach his chest, his diamond clenched so hard in your fist that it was yanking down his collar and showing off his bobbing Adam's apple.

‘You'd rather feel this than go back in there?’ he confirmed, and you nodded even though it was unbearable, your single eye already starting to take in the state of your arm as you held him, your brain unable to cope and blocking it out again. ‘Then feel it.’

You didn't have a chance to wonder what that meant when he grabbed your head and slammed it once into the floor, everything going black again with a gasp.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Love Until We Freeze Ch.4 Day 3 - Breck/Reader

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader (he does say good boy though), cold water punishment, aftercare as manipulation, brief hot liquid punishment, non to consensual kissing, reader accidentally hurts themselves pretty bad, non to dubiously wanted grinding, kissing as a distraction, snow suffocation/choking (nightmare).

Wordcount: 7662

Summary: After all that darkness, maybe a little sunshine would do you well.

Notes: That cold water punishment tag is a serious one if that might make you uncomfortable, that is not a short scene.

You were sleeping dreamlessly when pain took over every single nerve, your body burning as panic made you flail, broken cries ringing out as you tried to both sit up and protect yourself from the attack in your half-awake state. You slid across the now even colder tile until you hit the door, your entire body shaking as you pleaded for whatever was happening to stop, water filling your mouth each time you tried. Finally you were able to focus for a little bit between attacks, your eyes blinking rapidly as water ran down your face, and in the downpour you saw Breck standing in your shower, the nozzle in hand as he sprayed you, his expression uncaring as you reached out to him.

‘Stop! What did I do?’ you demanded as the warmth you’d gathered in the night was stolen from you, Breck waiting until your teeth were chattering and your shaking intensified before shutting the water back off, and you noticed that the tap was barely even turned, it at its lowest possible setting. It hurt to move, it hurt to breathe, and you desperately wanted a towel to try and bring some of your warmth back but he had it, it was slung over his shoulder as he used it to dry off his hands. ‘P-please, I-I-I ne-need it,’ you stuttered as you reached for him again, and he silently held up the end as you just nodded. He lifted it off of himself and tossed it your way, and you tried to thank him as you scrambled to wrap it around yourself, each breath coming out in stuttering pants as you shut your eyes and curled up against yourself. 

‘You still don’t appreciate the cold, you’ll never get down the mountain this way.’

‘H-huh?’

He flipped the water back on, soaking your towel and yourself again, this time an actual shout of pain ringing throughout the small room as the water burned even more. You couldn’t stop screaming, it hurt so much you became stuck in your cries, tears streaming down your face as he stepped forward; his boots splashed on the collecting water, Breck grabbing the towel so he could toss it back into the shower, and then grabbing you by the jaw. You gasped as he held the nozzle up to your mouth, the water beating relentlessly into you and making you choke, you were going to drown again as you tried to push him away, your energy sapped. 

He kept it up until he was satisfied, the water off again as he let the nozzle fall back against the shower wall, and he fixed his sweater and used his wet hands to straighten up his hair as you coughed up the ice in your lungs. ‘You didn’t shower yesterday, don’t let me catch you doing that again, I already told you once I don’t want you making a fool of me,’ he finally said as he stepped over you and opened the door, your body shoved aside as all the water spread over the floor on the other side. The door shut again with you leaning on it, the slam hurting your ears and the vibrations making you whimper; you couldn’t move, you could barely think, you were freezing and it showed as you looked down at your fingers and saw that they were turning a sickly white as the rest of you glowed red.

How did he know? you thought to yourself as you stared at the hanging nozzle, the wet lump of a towel nearby, and you weakly tried to crawl over to them before your numb hand curled at a bad angle and made you fall, your chin hitting the floor and making your teeth ache as you yelped again. You tried to move your hand but it wouldn’t listen, panic overtaking you as you kept trying until finally it twitched ever so slightly, it was okay it was just too numb and now a bit overextended, and you used your arms instead to go the rest of the way until you were cowering in the porcelain stall. You didn’t even bother to close the curtain as you lifted yourself feebly up with a shudder, your wrist your only hope as you turned up the tap all the way to lukewarm, your only salvation with the metal bar still in place.

The water felt positively hot as the nozzle came to life and spun from the force of it, your eyes shutting as you grabbed it and felt the sweet relief wash over you. It burned even more than the cold, you were in absolute agony doing this but the burn felt better, brought some life back into you even as you started crying again from how much it hurt. Your hands were starting to work again as you were just barely able to get a grip, the water running over your arms and down your back as you flinched and tried to escape it but you needed it, the room itself was already cold, you were terrified you might actually get permanent damage from this if you didn’t at least get back to lukewarm.

You let out an anguished cry as your fingers let go, their grip nonexistent as you held them under the spinning spray to warm them back up, the air making you lean over more and more in desperation to heat up your chest and legs. Your teeth were chattering so badly now that you were afraid if you bit your tongue you might bite all the way through, and you kept it pressed to the roof of your mouth as you begged yourself to please just move again, the desperation mounting as the nozzle faced the wall and wasted all your warmth on the tiles.

You let out a loud sob as the door opened again, Breck just staring at you as you cowered from him, he was no saviour, and when he approached and kneeled down you tried your best to beg him no, please, don’t, you could do it please don’t turn it down again, you couldn’t take it. He didn’t turn it down, just grabbed onto the nozzle and placed a hand on your shoulder, and he felt so hot in comparison that you whined from the sting. ‘Lean back,’ he ordered, but his voice wasn’t as hard as before, and you did as he asked to avoid his anger as he angled the water to hit you properly. You whimpered again, at his mercy as he rubbed your back, and when you could feel your hands again he had you hold the nozzle as he reached up to grab your soap and shampoo.

You didn’t understand him, you hated him as he washed you since you couldn’t do it, getting his own clothes wet as he rolled up his sleeves and focused on you like he actually cared. You didn’t argue with him, didn’t fight back as the soap bubbles mixed in with the water, your body getting used to the new temperature as your shaking stopped just a little; it was still freezing but everywhere his hand touched or his arm brushed against you made it feel that much warmer. You hated yourself as you leaned against him while his hands cleaned every inch of you, hated the involuntary sigh you let out as he washed your inner thighs, moved higher, you wished he would stop but at the same time you wanted more as he gave your thigh a squeeze and moved on. 

He washed your hair quickly as your body was cleaned, his nails still taking the time to scrape while his fingers gave the occasion tug, he was testing you after how you’d called him out for hurting you yesterday, and you couldn’t find the words as everything replaced the burn of the cold, your body heating with each new thing. When he was done he shut off the water and presented you with a new towel, he must’ve had someone bring it down after soaking the first, and he helped you stand before supporting your entire weight when your legs still refused to work. He walked you to your bed, the water covering most of your floor and making your footsteps slapping against the cement all the louder. You were sat down as he started drying, your pillow under his knees because his comfort was clearly more important than your own, and you just let him move you as he pleased in order to mop up every single drop.

‘I’ve got a surprise for you today,’ he told you as he lifted your leg up, his eyes glancing over your most private spots but you didn’t care, you just wanted to be dry. ‘I won’t spoil it, but we’re going to be doing something you want while I tell you about Casey.’

Is it going home? you wanted to say. You never opened your mouth.

When your body was done he let the already moist towel rest on your head as he started dressing you, your clean clothes for the day already waiting on your table with your long missed breakfast, you’d overslept and now it was as cold as you were. You’d still eat it though, you needed the energy since you’d missed out on both lunch and dinner for two days now, and when your stomach growled he shot you a glance before looking over to the table and not saying anything. He helped you slip on your underwear and pants, then your socks, your toes thankful for the insulation as you wriggled them and made sure they still worked, but your sweater was left there as an undershirt was pulled over your head, the water from your hair dripping down on it as he still skipped that task.

Instead, he grabbed your plate when he stood next, sitting next to you and stabbing a few pieces of hard eggs and potatoes to hold up to your mouth. ‘Can d-do it,’ you tried to tell him, but when his lips pursed you just opened your mouth and waited. You trembled as you feared he might shove the fork so far in it would pierce the back of your throat but he didn’t, letting the food rest against your tongue until you closed and he was able to remove it again. You chewed slowly, watching him as he got the next forkful ready, and you had just enough time to swallow before he was holding it up again, your eyes shutting as you just kept eating and waited for him to hurt you again.

He let you finish in peace, your body relaxing just a little as he set the plate back down and grabbed your thermos, but you didn’t want it, you weren’t in the mood for hot chocolate. ‘Open,’ he insisted as he unscrewed the cap, and you wanted so badly to shake your head until you saw the steam rise from inside, it was still warm. You did as he said, thankful for the warmth as it hit your tongue until you tried to flinch away, it was still too hot despite the hour or so of waiting, but he just held your head in place as he tilted the thermos back and emptied the thick, sweet, scalding liquid down your throat.

It was worse than the shower water, tears filling your eyes as you choked and sprayed it out in front of you, Breck angling you forward so you wouldn’t make a mess on your clean clothes, and you tried to push him away until the last drops were falling and he was letting up. He didn’t let you fall forward as you spit out the magma in your mouth, your tongue completely burnt as raw pain made your throat do more than sting, and you tried to tell him how much it hurt but nothing came out, you couldn’t speak at all.

‘Maybe today you’ll find something more constructive to say,’ he hummed as he rubbed at your throat, your eyes wide as you grabbed onto his wrist to stop him from grabbing hold again, although he never did. ‘Are you all warmed up now, Bunny?’ You forced yourself to nod, he wanted you to thank him, and he wiped away some of the chocolate from your chin before licking it off his thumb the same way he’d done to your blood. His tongue peeked out to wet his lips, eyes focused on your own, before he leaned down to clean away the rest of the mess. A soft moan was let out against your mouth as he tasted the chocolate, and when he bit at your lower lip just hard enough to elicit a gasp you didn’t stop him from tasting it right from the source.

Your eyes shut tight as his tongue slipped inside to rub against yours, your head jerking away to escape the pain before he held you even harder, the thermos crashing to the floor as he got more into it. Your body started to react, heating you up again from the inside, but the moment you tried to kiss him back despite the sting he pulled away, panting and smirking at your desperation for more; you were his to taste, not the other way around.

‘Don’t wanna be late for your surprise,’ he whispered before taking the towel off your head and pulling your sweater on for you; your hair was still wet but he didn’t care as he then tied up your returned boots, your legs a little stronger so he didn’t have to support you as much as he then led the way. You kept your eyes on the ground as your mind replayed the kiss over and over in your head, not even realizing that you’d reached a large and very thick door until a Square approached you. ‘Thanks, Austin,’ Breck said as he let you go so he could slip on a winter coat and his own gray hat, tight reflective goggles replacing his glasses today. Your body swayed until Austin had to step in, the two of them dressing you as you caught up with the situation.

You got a coat but no hat, your hair was still wet, you’d freeze you realized as you started to panic, you didn’t even get gloves as his covered hands held onto you, the door opening and the sun reflecting off the snow so brightly that you had to look away. You tried to refuse but no words came out, the chill instantly irritating your throat so you shut your mouth, Breck walking you outside and into the backyard of the facility. It wasn’t snowing today but it was still freezing as he brought you to a different ATV than his personal one, two pairs of skis attached to it as you were strapped in, one pair definitely nicer than the other but that didn’t matter, you couldn’t be outside like this, your head already pounding from the external brain freeze.

‘You wanted to ski yesterday, so I thought I’d take you on your first lesson,’ he explained as he drove away from your prison, following a path that didn’t lead to the hotel as a tunnel came into view. ‘The other side of the mountain is steeper, but the bunny hill is up at the top, all the smaller courses are so only the Double Diamond reaches the bottom.’ You were still too numb to unlock the door, your bare hands already freezing again against the cold metal, his words completely passing over you as he exited the tunnel and came to a series of courses on the other side; the bunny hill was actually walled off for safety, as well as a couple of the Greens as they ramped up in difficulty and stretched out over the flatter part of the mountain and onto the steep courses, and a bit of vertigo kicked in as you imagined falling over the side and never stopping until you were broken at the bottom.

You stopped trying to fiddle with the lock and instead pushed yourself away from the door and towards him as he parked, your heavy breathing making you cough as he touched your cheek, your face leaning into his warm glove instinctively. He hummed and then opened his door, the cold breeze invading your space and making your wet skin prickle uncomfortably, his hand moving away from you so he could get out. He walked along the front to your side, and the thought of him pulling you out there made you scramble to hold down the lock. You couldn’t see his eyes but you knew he wasn’t happy as his head turned down ever so slightly to look at your hand, and he didn’t say anything, just waited until your face started to crumble in misery, your sore throat feeling thick as you unlocked the door and allowed him to open it.

‘Good boy,’ he told you before holding out his hand, and you took it, already feeling the sting as you stepped out and onto the snow. It crunched under your boots, the sound sending shockwaves down your jaw as you shivered heavily, no birds around to chirp up this high, and you thought it was hard to breathe as he left you to grab the skis and poles off the roof. You could run, you could wait until he was close enough to the edge and just push him, there was no way he was good enough to stop himself before you took the ATV down, even in your inexperience you still get a pretty good head start you figured. The keys were still inside, it was too risky to have them on hand even if he attached them to his chain with the others, and you knew he saw you eyeing them as he glanced at you before heading for the benches nearby.

He set down his personal skis but didn’t put them on, he was going to help you first since you’d never done it before, and you felt ready to cry again as your brain screamed at you to pick one up and slam it into his head until he couldn’t hurt you ever again. You didn’t, instead sitting down so he could get to work, your nails digging into the freezing wood as he started to buckle you in. ‘Edmund Casey owns this entire mountain, you know,’ he suddenly said, but you didn’t wanna hear it, not when you were out there. ‘He always had a passion for the outdoors, especially skiing, so when he heard the hotel down below was up for sale he pooled together all his money with his wife and bought the place.’ One foot down, the long weight keeping you planted as you let the ski glide across the slick ground underneath. ‘Back then, he had a vision of what this place could be, how he could help heal people with the fresh air and freedom they could find out here, and before long he had the place fixed up and a bunch of people moved out to help him run it all year round.

‘Our building wasn’t there yet, none of this was, but as the years passed and he taught more people to feel the same freedom he felt he knew he needed more room or else the hotel would be full of his staff instead of patrons.’ The other ski was on but you didn’t stand yet, it was his turn now. ‘He found that people were able to let go of themselves out here, and the higher they got the more they freed themselves from, they were improving themselves on the way back down, evolving.’ He worked fast, the pattern on the front of the mountain, diamonds finding themselves in as many twists and turns of the peaks and the trees as they could, the design intricate and well-polished, he took good care of these skis. ‘He knew he had to help more people, so when the resort hopped up to the top five he built this place for us so we could watch over everything in his stead; he bought more branches, let those who were there with him in the beginning name them, run them, more Institutes following as his teachings spread.

‘I found myself here, when I first came with- with Mead; it was just supposed to be a quick trip, we didn’t even make it past the bunny hill back then, but Casey saw me out there and sought me out even though he hadn’t been able to fly in years. I was younger back then, and even in his old age he still looked so free as he told me all about what he was trying to accomplish here, how he knew I needed it too.’ He looked wistful as he finished off the last strap, his goggles reflecting the mountain as he looked out at the beauty in front of him, but all you felt was the cold. ‘He sent me to Portland right after that, and by the time I saw Mead again she was already the new Double Black, although I didn’t know it until later.’ He stood, absolutely steady as his wistfulness turned to bitterness, the breeze hitting you a little harder as you stared up at him. You waited for him to say more about her or about Casey but he seemed to be done, and when he held out his hand again you didn’t hesitate to take it for reasons other than needing to steal his warmth.

You wobbled as you stood up, your other hand gripping his arm tightly as you tried not to fall, the pressure on your lower back keeping you straight as he took careful steps towards the edge.

‘I won’t let you fall,’ he promised as he handed you your poles, his sunglasses leaving his pocket before being placed over your eyes, and when he stopped holding you you felt like you were back in that abyss again, your vision going fuzzy as he used his own pole to nudge you closer.

I don’t want to go, you wanted to say, but all that came out was another cough before the end of your ski hit air and you tilted forward.

Your knees bent but didn’t buckle as you started to glide, your heart racing as you waited to crash and burn, but your balance kicked in and kept you up as he slid into place next to you, his serious frown giving way to a small smile as he kept your pace. Your face was completely numb and the sunglasses did little to protect your eyes but you couldn’t look away, this wasn’t the void you were drowning in as you looked past the fence to see the world beyond, your heart racing faster as you started to freely descend with no force. White and bursts of colour sprawled out in front of you, it was so beautiful, and when you turned to look at him you saw that he was already watching you, your reflection looking so free as you smiled at him.

All at once you lost your balance as your pole dropped too low and caught the snow hard, your body not used to dealing with corrections as you let out a choked cry; you felt your elbow lock before you let go, your feet flying out from under you as you hit the ground hard and bounced from the momentum of your speed, this side of the mountain so much steeper even on the bunny hill. Your unprotected head made contact as your neck screamed from the whiplash, lights flashing behind your eyes as you landed on your back, then rolled onto your already hurt arm, then bounced again onto your chest, the wind knocked right out of you. One ski snapped while the other caught the ground too hard, your ankle twisted with it as you slid down, down, down, only stopping when you hit the covered wire fence.

You couldn’t breathe, you felt broken, Breck’s sunglasses were somewhere up the hill as the poles slid down around you, thankfully missing you as he then finished his descent; he tossed his own poles down and dropped sideways to rest on his left leg instead of his knees, allowing his ski to lay flat as he examined you, made sure you weren’t paralyzed after hitting your head like that. Each place he touched only made you whimper or cry out, your bare hands and face scratched on the snow like it was razors, your wet hair freezing as your body temperature dropped even lower than before.

‘Y-you p-pro-promised,’ you stuttered through your coughs before he undid the snaps on your ski and righted your ankle, your scream so loud he had to cover your mouth with snow-soaked gloves to keep you quiet for your own safety. You sobbed under his hands until you quieted down, and he gently shushed you as he pressed on your chest to see if anything was broken; it hurt like hell but you weren’t coughing up blood, you could tell that much as he then placed your hand on your stomach so your elbow could rest.

‘We can keep you on ice until they grab the sled, I can’t carry you back from here,’ he said as he then moved you away from the fence, it creaking back into place; you’d hit it so hard your arm had actually slid underneath and torn up your jacket, although your arm itself was miraculously spared save the line of scratches just barely breaking the skin. ‘I’ll call for them in a second, but first, I need to…’ His skis were unstrapped before you could even register what those sounds were, and with some space between you and the fence he was able to straddle you, your eyes shutting tight as your ankle twitched hard.

‘Ple- not no-’ you moaned, trying to move out from under him, everything hurting as your hair started to stick to you, you could hear it crackle every time you shifted.

‘You looked so free up there, you saw it, didn’t you? You saw his vision?’ He started to buck against you, his hands closing over the snow so he wouldn’t put any more weight on you, the growing cold on your back numbing the pain as your entire body started to shut down, everything but your brain itself despite the pounding in your head.

‘Hel- me, pleas-’ Talking was still so hard as you swallowed, you couldn’t even feel him until he lowered himself a little more, this new position lighting a spark in your brain that made you gasp. He yanked off his glasses to see you better at that, an uneven trail of red where they’d pressed so hard into his skin mixing in with the blotchy red from the cold, his hot breath coming out in clouds as his chest touched yours. Your ribs yelled in protest as the pain shot through the pleasure, just for a moment, his movements speeding up as he tried to run his fingers through your stiffening hair and only tugged on it instead.

‘You look just as I imagined, can you even feel me?’ he asked as his forehead touched yours, his hat scratching against your tender skin. You tried to push him off with your good arm but he just grabbed your hand and held it to his cheek, his eyes closing when he felt your tremors, and you were terrified to discover that your fingers were turning purple, the heat of his cheek lost under them.

‘Sto-’

‘There’s a camera in your bathroom,’ he then said, and you felt all the air leave your lungs. ‘I had it installed when I sent them to fix your shower, I saw everything.’ He moved faster, and when he let go of your hand it fell back to the ground and stayed there. ‘I heard everything…’ He then undid your zipper so he could pull down the top of your sweater, and he pulled off his glove with his teeth before sliding his warm hand around your throat, a cough having you turn your head and jerk to the side as he applied even the slightest pressure. ‘You said you didn’t want to be alone in the Tank, and then you touched yourself thinking of me, did you imagine I was there with you, that I was doing this?’

He gave a little squeeze and you coughed again, your body betraying you as it mixed with him still grinding against you, and even though it hurt you still tried to grab him by the wrist and pull him off. ‘I don- like thi-’ you groaned, hands tugging and prying until he chuckled and let go even though you were barely affecting him.

‘What’s that? Does your throat still hurt?’ he whispered, the sound of the snow crunching in your ear before your eyes shot open in terror. ‘Do you want something for that?’

You grabbed onto his coat and pulled him down before he could shove the snow into your mouth, his face crashing into yours as you tried to kiss him, distract him from it, and he considered still going ahead with it before he groaned and bucked harder, the hand in your hair pulling again as he held you in place. The pain was still there in every movement but your front was heating up again, your hips moving with his as you kept humouring him, wanting him, loathing him. He kissed you until he needed to break away to pant into your shoulder, rutting hard into you as he mumbled about flying, even if you were broken he was going to take you down the Double Diamond even if it killed you, and when you were cold and empty he’d bring you back and warm you up again until you felt what he felt.

‘I don- wanna d-’ you begged, and he bit your chapped lip so hard it split.

‘Then don’t leave me.’

He came against you, hips stuttering as he rode you through it, your head tugged hard to the side as he bit down onto your shoulder to muffle his sounds. You felt more tears roll down your cheeks as your own pleasure started to die down, you hurt too much and were too cold to finish now that he’d stopped moving, and when he collapsed against your chest the sob you let out was just as broken as you were.

He waited until he caught his breath again, the lingering fog from your mixed breathing hovering above your heads as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a walkie talkie, it crackling to life as he radioed for help. A confirmation came from the other end and then he was off of you again, the cold seeping in everywhere as you let out another sob. He pulled his glove back on and readjusted himself, the growing stain on his jeans covered up as he pulled down his coat to cover it. He looked you over, noting that freezing spot on your own groin thanks to him, and he balled up some snow to rewet the rest of your legs in patches so it didn’t look too out of place; you couldn’t even feel it, you were frozen down to your bones, and by the time a couple Squares and even a Diamond came down to help you were sure you must’ve looked dead to them by the way they gasped.

‘-okay, help me wi-’ you heard him say from a million miles away, your body limply moved onto the emergency sled so you could be strapped in. ‘-eat up the- I’ll watch ov- my room toni-’

You stared at the sky, unable to blink as clouds drifted overhead, the sun peeking through to try and warm you as comfortingly as it could.

‘Do you recall a time when you felt happy outside?’ you heard him say in your head, and as you were dragged through the tunnel and into the darkness you wished your hand wasn’t tied down so you could try and grab the sun and hold it, let it burn you until there was nothing left.

You were floating again but this time it was warm and bright, your hand free as you reached for the sun, but at a certain point you became too heavy, you couldn’t do it, the disappointment just enough to get you to open your eyes. It wasn’t the sun, it was a light positioned directly above you, the ceiling coming into view as you blinked. You were warm, sweating even, this was nice as you shifted and felt water and a flat surface behind your head.

‘Careful, don’t move too much,’ Breck gently cooed to you, his voice so quiet that your subtle splashes were louder. You looked down, you were in a decently large circular pool back inside, your entire body submerged this time as he supported your head with his hands, you could feel his fingers shift your weight before he used one to brush through your hair successfully this time.

‘Where…’ Your throat felt better enough to speak, the sting still there and your tongue still numb, but now you were too weak to talk, and he hushed you again as he started to pet your cheek.

‘I had Brit check you out in here, you need to keep off your ankle but your elbow is fine, your ribs are just bruised too,’ he told you as he ran his hand over your chest next, and when you glanced down you saw that you were completely nude again. ‘No concussion, otherwise we would’ve kept you awake, and she already gave you a dose of morphine when you wouldn’t stop moving in your sleep.’ Sure enough there was a bandage over your arm to go along with the plastic brace around your ankle, and you felt sick at the thought of being injected without even knowing it.

‘How long…’

‘Hours, we had to warm you up over time so you wouldn’t go into shock, I didn’t wanna leave you here with someone else.’ His hand moved back up to your cheek, so much kindness and gentleness in his touch as you still felt the ghost of said hand squeezing your throat.

‘Do you hate me?’ You didn’t want to ask it but it just fell out, your split lip quivering as he stilled, adjusted his wrist so you were looking up at him.

‘Do you think I hate you?’ he asked levelly without answering, and that only made you feel worse.

‘I don’t know what you think,’ you confessed as you looked away, half expecting him to force you to look up again, your body flinching instantly when he stopped touching your cheek.

‘Are you afraid of me?’

You started to curl up until your ribs had you gasping, and he hushed you again as he shifted under the water, his legs spreading out on either side of you so you could rest fully in his lap. Your arms rested on his knees before he leaned back against the edge, your body following and turning so you were facing him. He wore swim shorts but other than that he was also nude, and you could see the scars left behind from his fight with Mead, all the memories of why he had to go to the hospital instead of come back here. You used your good arm as you couldn’t help but trace a particularly angry-looking scar that stretched over his right pec, something long and jagged and cruel, he’d been shot and it hadn’t been clean, and at your touch he suddenly reached up and grabbed your wrist like he’d been burned.

You froze, your eyes going wide as you opened your mouth to apologize, but he just wordlessly brought your hand up to his lips so he could kiss the bandages covering your knuckles and fingers, the aftermath of your fall. ‘I promised, didn’t I?’ he whispered behind your fingers, and you just nodded as he gave you another kiss before letting you go. ‘C’mon, you’re staying with me tonight.’

‘What will you do to me if I do?’ you whispered, and when he didn’t answer again you were the one to grab him by the wrist. ‘Please, just… say something.’

‘I won’t let you fall again,’ he promised, and you just let your forehead drop against his chest as his words did nothing to console you. You remained like that until the door opened, a couple Squares walking in to help as a wheelchair was rolled in, and you didn’t realize how much you hurt once gravity started affecting you again as he tried to help you stand. They stood by the edge of the pool as he held you tight and helped you limp over to them, your foot supported while your soaked body dripped endlessly even with the fluffy robe they placed around you.

You just let them roll you back to the Diamond’s wing, the water trail turning the carpet dark as he led them to his room, although he didn’t ask for them to help you back out of your chair once you got there. He unlocked the door and opened it up wide so he could push you through, and you stared in surprise and honest awe as he locked you in for the rest of the day. A Diamond’s room was large and grand, a large window on the far wall showing off the scenery he so loved, and you guessed it might’ve roughly looked the same as the others but it was customized to him, you could tell even at a glance. He kept everything neat, his bed made and his desk organized with whatever paperwork he had to do up here, and the only photos, although few, he had on his bookshelf were of the mountain and the hotel down below, one of them featuring a younger version of himself in a Circle sweater standing next to an older version of Edmund Casey.

He rolled you over to the bed and pulled back the covers, a shades of dark gray and black diamond-patterned plush comforter with pure white sheets underneath, and he fluffed the pillows before helping you stand. You hissed as your foot touched the floor a little too hard, Breck supporting your weight again as you climbed into bed with a bit of difficulty. As soon as you laid down you sighed, it was so soft, better than all three beds you’d had to sleep in so far as you sank right in, and he moved the chair out of the way before joining you. You were trapped between him and the wall but you didn’t mind as he pulled the blankets back over you, it was too good to be true, he was just going to hurt you again tomorrow, you couldn’t trust this.

‘Does it hurt?’ he asked softly in the shade of his tall headboard, delicately carved to replicate the pattern on his skis only in much more detail. The sun shone through the window but didn’t quite reach him due to its current position in the sky, and as he shifted his knee over your legs you were worried he might kick your bad ankle just to see how you’d react.

‘Yes,’ was all you said as you waited, but he didn’t kick you or hit you, just moved in closer as he slid his hand under your aching back so he could keep you from going anywhere. You let out a shuddering breath as he avoided your ribs, teasing the opening to your robe and slipping inside to gently rub over your stomach. You allowed him to, shoving the heat from his cold hands down further and further inside your mind as he kissed the spot on your shoulder he had bitten out there in the snow. ‘Why do you keep…’

‘Because I want you to be mine, I want you to stay with me,’ he confessed into your skin, but his tone held no love, no warmth.

‘Did you do this to the last one, the one who died?’ It was the longest sentence you’d managed to say all day, and his hand stilled a moment before he gripped your side and pulled you closer, everything hurting at once at the sudden pressure.

‘No, not with any of them, just with you.’ Another kiss, and this time you felt his teeth. ‘Don’t you want me to?’

‘I don’t know what I want anymore…’

He shifted even closer, there was no space between you as he started to lay across your chest even as it made you flinch and wheeze, Breck never once giving you an ounce of thought as his mouth moved to your neck. ‘You really did look so free out there, I know you know this is good for you,’ he told you once again directly into your ear, and when you shivered he only held you tighter.

‘You’ll kill me before I find that clarity you talked about,’ you promised him back, and his hand moved up to rest over your heart again even as you gasped out a sound of pain. He didn’t say anything to that one, just kept kissing you until the gentleness and the aches lulled you back to sleep against your will.

It was freezing, every part of you was so heavy you were weighed to the ground and it was freezing, your chest feeling like an anvil was resting on top of it. It was hard to breathe, your mouth refused to open wide enough to take in the air you craved, a suffocating heat spreading across your throat as you fought your own lungs. Your eyes glanced every which way to find out where you were but there was nothing, and you couldn’t even move to find the edges of your prison apart from the ground this time. You tried to call for Breck but your jaw locked as soon as you opened your mouth even wider to shout, panic setting in as all at once a bright light blinded you from up above.

Your vision fought to adjust as you saw the reason for the weight on your chest, Breck sitting on you dressed in his outdoor clothes, your reflection warped and unrecognizable in his goggles. You tried to ask him for help but couldn’t, and his expression didn’t change as he reached down and grabbed a fistful of snow from beside you. You quickly started shaking your head in fear, his left hand coming up to hold you as his right held up the snow, inspected it, before shoving it into your mouth. You instantly gagged around the intrusion but he just held it in, waiting until it started to melt before grabbing more and doing it again. Your eyes started to water as you felt the snow hit the back of your throat, your body wanting to thrash but it refused to actually move, you were buried completely, all that was left was your head as he grabbed another handful and forced it down.

You felt it start to enter your throat so you swallowed but the melting was making it harden, your lungs already begging for air as you couldn’t breathe even more than before, another handful of snow adding to it. Your hand twitched until you were able to pull it free, but instead of pushing him off you just clawed at your throat like you’d be able to tear it open and get the snow out that way, and when he added in more you felt the obstruction bulge out against your fingertips. 

‘You looked so good, just as I imagined,’ you heard him say but his mouth never moved, and as he leaned forward you saw your reflection start to even out. ‘Your lips are turning blue again…’

You choked out a desperate sob and it only made it worse, and when he added more he held his hand over your mouth to keep it all in, his other hand leaving your jaw to work your throat for you, get you to swallow, your eyes rolling back in your reflection as your brain was starved of oxygen. 

‘You’ll stay with me, right? You can’t go back out there when I bury you, this will be so good for you…’

You tried to say his name again as your eyelids started to flutter, mouth held open by the hardening snow and trapping your tongue flat, and when you heard a moan you weren’t sure if it was from him or yourself.

‘Let me teach you how to fly…’

You jolted awake, tears streaming down your cheeks as you gasped for air, your jaw actually locked before you shakily fixed it. Breck was right where he’d been when you’d fallen asleep, thankfully in the exact same position, you were still in his bed, he hadn’t really tried to smother you, or, based on the taste of nothing in your mouth, done something worse. You clenched your teeth and breathed through your nose as you turned your head away from him, his face peaceful and even handsome as he used your shoulder as a pillow, you couldn’t look at him after that one.

I never should’ve left the hotel, you thought as you shook under him, Breck groaning in his sleep as he held you even tighter, your throat still feeling thick as you placed your hand over his and held on just as tight with a wracking whimper.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Love Until We Freeze Ch.3 Day 2 - Breck/Reader

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, reader's unwanted attraction and related thoughts start here, physical punishment (slapping, grabbing, choking, etc), dubiously received flirting and teasing, aftercare as manipulation, degrading talk, claustrophobia, anxiety and panic attacks, attempted suicide, nonconsensual touching, masturbation, slight self-asphyxiation.

Wordcount: 8865

Summary: A questionnaire and a visit to the the Diamonds should be an easy day of avoiding all attempts to win you over, but it's a little unwanted deprivation that really throws you through a dangerous loop.

Notes: This one gets extremely heavy near the end, please refer to the tags above and on the first chapter for a reminder of the reoccurring ones. From here on out, Breck calls the reader Bunny as a g-n nickname, as in the bunny hill, as a sign of degradation/affection at how low they are beneath him, their current status, and because there's something about them that demands his fondness. He also starts touching the reader, which ranges from dub-noncon as well as eventual consent, but not in this chapter. I'll be warning for it every time it happens.

You didn’t know what time you fell back asleep since there was no clock in your room, but you did know it had to be before 9AM as your door was flung open and your light was turned on. You groaned as breakfast was set on your table, the Square delivering it leaving you to eat, and you noticed immediately that it wasn’t as grand as the day before. You blamed it on your new lodgings, a clear punishment as your thermos didn’t even have marshmallows today, but you didn’t care, it didn’t matter to you. You finished off your decent meal, it not bringing you to tears this time as you took a few sips of the beverage before pressing the thermos to your skin, using it as a heat source as you stood and walked to the bathroom. You dumped the chocolatey drink down the drain and filled it with water instead, not a fan of the nonfiltered taste but it was better than ingesting pure sugar and nothing else.

You downed half of it before refilling it and starting on your morning shower, this time being sure to lock the door, although you bet he already had a key, there was a bunch on his ring so it wouldn’t surprise you in the least if he showed up again. Already shivering, you pulled back the curtain and went to turn the tap when you saw an addition to the shower, a crude metal bar screwed directly into the porcelain to keep the handle from turning past lukewarm. You stared at it as you only grew colder, your hand going to the smudged steel and turning it right, it truly stopped from going where you wanted. You tried to force it before attempting to pull the bar off, needing to find something to undo the screws with, but they’d been covered over, even if you managed to find a screwdriver it’d never be able to get a grip, and the lukewarm water felt freezing as you were covered in the spray during your attempts.

You grabbed a towel and held it over yourself before stomping back into your room, your skin already red from the burn as you pointed up at the camera. ‘Fuck you!’ you shouted at it, the device just staring back as you expected, and you returned to the bathroom and shut off the tap, you weren’t that desperate yet. You filled the sink instead, avoiding your reflection as you bathed via washcloth, the water only warming your hands as you tried to work quickly, the air working against you as all you did was delay getting dressed again with how long it was taking. Your teeth were chattering by the time you were able to pull on your clothes from the day before, you almost wished you’d be able to ask Breck to at least sneak your things up there, but you guessed that it’d be impossible with your parents hoarding what might as well be the last things you’d ever touched in their eyes.

Pissed off, aching from the cold, and hating yourself for wanting Breck to share his body heat again, you waited at your table with your thermos, now filled with hot water even though it burned your tongue and throat when you took small sips. You tried your doorknob after what had to be ten minutes had passed, it still locked as you again expected, and you prayed that Breck wasn’t still enforcing his rule on you finding him when it opened and he stared down at you.

‘You should change, I can’t have you making me look bad while I’m your Tester,’ he sniffed, tossing another gray sweater as well as some generic colourless clothes your way, your wish for warmer socks granted. You went to undress when he walked in, got comfy on your bed again, and you shot him a look before taking a step towards the bathroom. ‘Does it really matter?’ he asked with a smirk, and you frowned before heading inside and locking the door. You changed as quickly as you could, leaving the dirty outfit on the sink, your hand refusing to let go of your jeans because you just knew that’d be the last you saw of them, he’d be taking everything of yours as of today.

When you walked back out he looked you over before standing, the two of you heading back for that overly empty meeting room so he could finish with whatever he was going to say the day before; instantly something caught your eye as you walked in, one of the lights decorating the back wall flickering like it was on the ends of its life. You stared before shaking your head and looking away, getting caught in the flicker would make you dizzy and again you didn’t want him to know that. You sat back down and waited for him to get ready, pen in hand as he looked down at the sheet in front of him, and when he spoke you let out an involuntary groan.

‘Do you ever have sinus infections, caused by allergies or colds?’ he asked professionally, your body sinking lower into your chair; great, a questionnaire to help them get a better grasp on who they were allowing into their cult, how exciting.

‘Dunno, I avoid the cold usually,’ you said a bit snarkily, reminding him once again of your hatred for it, and he glanced up at you before writing something down and continuing.

‘Do you find yourself clumsy, either tripping or breaking things, such as dishes?’

‘Sure, who doesn’t from time to time?’

‘When was the last time you remember an incident?’

‘You mean like you kidnapping me and keeping me here against my will?’ He didn’t answer. ‘Yesterday, all of yesterday.’

‘Do you find it difficult expressing your creativity?’

‘I didn’t used to, but now I think it’ll be a little hard in this place.’

His eyebrow twitched but he still wrote something down all the same. ‘Do you recall a time when you felt happy outside?’

Your stare grew hard, your hands clenching over the table. ‘Yes,’ you answered curtly, holding the S in a hiss, ‘two days ago, before I met you.’

‘How about when you made someone happy?’

You looked away, trying to picture your family’s faces as they welcomed you onto the minibus with various greetings, none of them expecting you to have come. ‘...Yes.’

‘And when you made yourself happy?’

It took a bit longer for you to answer this time, your anger fading to sadness, how much you dreaded coming, how you’d wanted so badly to stay home, how you couldn’t think of a single moment to confirm his question with. ‘No… no, I can’t.’

‘When you stroked an object?’

Instantly your face lit up red as the question snapped you out of your depression, the shock of it making you wonder if you’d really heard him correctly. ‘I- I don’t-?’

‘It’s simple, do you or do you not recall a time when you stroked an object?’ he repeated, his posture relaxing just a little as he made an effort to cross his legs under the table, your gaze automatically going down even though you couldn’t even see him under the glass; he smirked again, writing something down before you even had time to answer, your mouth finally working again as you scrambled to combat whatever it was he was thinking.

‘I uh, I don’t know how to- are you asking me if I-?’ No answer, his pen still gliding across the page as he kept looking up at you. ‘Stop, okay, I mean I have, but-’

‘If an object were to be presented to you, would you be able to give me an example of stroking it?’

Your mouth went dry as you swallowed, your eyes again going down and meeting his reflection before you looked away, the mental image of him pushing himself away from the table, spreading his legs, and letting you kneel in front of him invading your brain before you could stop it. You shut your eyes tight, trying to will the thought away because that was the last thing you wanted, and when he couldn’t get your attention with snapping he stood up, walked just enough to be able to reach you, and slapped you hard across the face instead. That instantly got you out of it as pain raced across your cheek, your eyes wide as he then picked up his chair and moved it to the end of the table so you were closer, his mouth a thin line but his eyes looking excited.

‘If you can’t concentrate then I’ll get your attention in other ways; now, if an object-’

‘Yes, sure fine whatever, I can stroke an object,’ you told him hurriedly as you lowered your hand from your cheek, your legs pressing together as he didn’t write this one down; instead he sat back, his hand resting on his thigh until you were forced to look down again, and once he was sure you’d gotten a look he held out his pen for you to take. You tried not to acknowledge the disappointment as you picked it up, carefully avoiding his hand, and you felt the humiliation rise as you did as you promised and limply stroked it a couple times, first with just your thumb, index, and middle fingers, then your whole hand when he didn’t say anything.

‘That question wasn’t part of the form, but thanks for indulging me,’ he admitted before grabbing it back, and you jumped up so fast your chair caught on the carpet and toppled over.

‘What the fuck are you trying to pull with this?’ you demanded, your face even hotter at being tricked, and he looked up at you before flipping ahead a few pages and filling in a future answer.

‘I’m not trying to pull anything, unlike you, with the way you looked at me.’

‘You fucking-’

He stood again, eyes still flashing as he hit you once more, your head snapping to the side this time from the force of it; in that moment you stared at the light again and got stuck a moment, your head starting to swim as your eyes unfocused a little, and you had to stop yourself from looking before it got even worse. ‘I don’t appreciate your language,’ he told you warningly, and when you went to curse again he grabbed you by the sweater and threw you back. Still dizzy, you tripped over your fallen chair before you could try and avoid it, your legs stumbling over it and making you hit the ground hard, more pain shooting up your elbow as you landed on it weird. He stepped over you and lifted you up until you were on your knees, the soft fabric digging into your neck as you cradled your arm, too nervous about what he was going to do to you next when he clearly had no qualms about actually hitting you, no empty threats just to scare you there.

‘I-I…’

‘If you can’t take this seriously, then I can ask you these again, outside, in the tool shed,’ he threatened, and something told you instantly that that was a place you didn’t want to get acquainted with. ‘Would you rather we head out there so you can concentrate? Or shall we sit back down so we can finish this and move on?’ The flicker caught your eye again, and you shut your eyes to avoid it before you felt him grab you by the chin, his fingers digging into your jaw and making you whine.

‘I can concentrate,’ you managed to say, and he seemed satisfied with that as he let go and sat back down. You didn’t keep him waiting as you fixed your chair, angling it away from the light so you could fully face him, and he shot it a glance before going back to his questions.

‘Do you recall a time you went fast?’

The questions were still silly and cryptic, but you answered to the best of your ability with a little less snark after that, your jaw aching as you tried not to rub it. After them, there was a yes or no section about more cryptic things, and you learned very quickly that answering without a yes or a no was the wrong thing to do when he grabbed you by the wrist and twisted. He didn’t let go for the rest of the test, not through the section about your childhood, or your family and other relationships, not even about your mental health as you were all but forced to tell him about your depression, the questions worded in a way to make you realize how much you needed these teachings, needed to find the happiness they promised to bring.

It was bullshit, but whenever you weren’t truthful he twisted your wrist just a little more and held it there, your bruising elbow screaming as lightning strikes of discomfort shot up and down your arm. Finally you reached the last question, and when you gave him your answer he wrote it down and let you go, an actual yelp leaving you as it hit you all at once how twisted your arm had been for so long. You couldn’t decide on whether to rub your wrist or your elbow as he double checked that he hadn’t missed anything, and when he was satisfied he got up, took the two steps to get to your angled chair, and kneeled down in front of it.

Your eyes widened as he took your wrist and rubbed it for you, his thumb kneading in just the right way that it made your eyes shut, a relieved moan slipped out as the pain eased up just enough, and it drove you crazy to know that he would probably be smiling if you were to look. You knew what he was doing, you weren’t an idiot even if he might’ve thought you were just because you pretended to fall for his tricks, but you couldn’t deny the fact that you’d keep doing it if it meant he wouldn’t stop sharing his heat and massaging the pain he was causing you until you could get out of there.

‘You really need this,’ he suddenly said, and you cracked open an eye to see that he was staring up at you. ‘What you can learn here, it’ll fix you, bring back what the world out there took from you, I can help you understand.’

‘Fix me?’ was all you could say, and he held your wrist a little harder, really pressing his thumb into the joint as he kept massaging.

‘Yes. You don’t even realize how bad it’s gotten, I could tell when you told me everything, staying here is the only thing for you now.’ His hands moved up, straightening your arm so he could work on your elbow, each press making your hand twitch.

‘You think I don’t know how bad my own life is?’ you frowned, and he gave you another hard press that had you leaning into it to make him ease up, and when your torso inched closer to him he took that chance to move on from your elbow to your jaw; he rubbed comforting circles into your cheek, almost as if to apologize for before, and you hated yourself for liking it.

‘I know you don’t,’ he hummed before turning your head slightly to the side, his eyes looking you over. ‘Your face is so cold but your cheek is warm where I hit you, it must be irritated.’

You resisted the urge to say anything only so he could hold you just a moment longer.

‘Now that this has been taken care of, the real lessons can begin,’ he told you as he stood, his chair put back into place and his papers tucked under his arm. ‘It’s a long slope from where you are, little Bunny, up to Black Diamond, but I’ll guide you all the way, you won’t fall again.’

‘I still don’t want to join your institute,’ you said even with the risk of being hit again, but he didn’t believe you as he just nodded and started for the door, your body following him on instinct.

‘Tell me that again after you’ve heard what I have to say.’

This wing was still new to you as you guessed it was just the training wing, but he didn't give you any sort of a tour this time, not stopping until you were heading to an entirely new part of the building. The hallway was glass, letting you see the beauty of the mountain around you and actually making you pause as you couldn't help but stare. He was annoyed at first, but when he saw the look on your face he softened, not in a kind way you noted, but in a smug way, like he knew even you couldn't resist the view despite your hatred of the cold.

‘You can have this always when you stay,’ was all he said as he walked up behind you, his hand hovering over the back of your neck, you could feel it slightly disturb your hair. 

‘A good view isn't enough to give up my entire life,’ you answered honestly, your eyes scanning the view until you saw it, the hotel was a small dot in the distance but it was there, and once it was located you were able to find the lifts, following their path up and up until you found the Double Diamond route.

‘What are you even leaving behind? What's waiting for you back home? You've got a part-time job, you're easily replaceable. Your apartment can be rented out to someone else who'll appreciate it, you won't have to pay rent here.’ His hand moved closer, fingertips scraping against your scalp just enough to send a shiver down your spine. ‘Is there anyone even expecting you to come back? Any friends, or partners? Will your parents even care after the first month with how little they saw you after you moved out?’ You could hear his breathing quicken, his chest pressing against your back, your hands coming up to press against the glass as you tried to move away. ‘You've got nothing for you back there, you are nothing, a nobody.’

He grabbed onto you and shoved you forward in one swift movement, your face smashing into the glass as you heaved, it holding strong as the bitter cold stung so badly it made your eyes water combined with the pressure he was putting on your skull.

‘I told you this place will be good for you, and now I know it will be. You won't just be finding clarity, you'll find happiness, freedom, purpose; with us, with me, you can learn the teachings of E.C., not just pretend to listen but actually learn, I can make you a somebody, I won't let you crash and burn out there.’

‘You're hurting me,’ you choked, your eye shutting against the glass as he pressed a little harder, his teeth grazing your ear before biting down hard just to hear you try and muffle the following yelp of surprise.

‘I can't wait to fly with you, you'll never know true freedom until I show you…’

‘I said you're hurting me.’ You tried to elbow him off and he groaned in your still pulsing ear before backing up, his hand rubbing circles into your scalp before you jerked away from him, half your face burning, your teeth indented into your cheek as you stretched out your jaw.

‘The cold looks so good on you, I can already see how red your face will be when I take you down,’ he mused to himself before licking his lips, and when your back hit the glass you felt a sick desire to have him touch you again. ‘All the blood rushing to your cheeks, the tip of your nose, I wonder if your lips will turn blue…’

‘Aren't you supposed to be teaching me something?’ You needed to say it and get him away from the glass, half because you were afraid of what he'd do, half because you were afraid of what you wanted him to do as the pulsing in your ear finally settled. It seemed to be enough though, and he straightened the slipping papers under his arm before holding out his hand for you to take, which you did, but only because yours was freezing after being pressed against the glass. He went back to leading you to the other half of the property, this institute doubling as an instructor's building so much bigger than you thought as it turned into more of an office mixed with a museum. Instead of unfinished floors and numbered doors you saw the place's logo everywhere, as well as photos of current and past members leading up to the man and woman you'd seen on the video, the founders of this whole thing.

Along with them you also saw that there were locations in the other states with mountain ranges, each one under a different name than the hotel down below, but they all belonged to Edmund Casey in the end. The one you were at was the main one, the very first branch, which explained why it was the highest rated one in the country, with Portland coming in second. ‘I used to work there, couple years back I helped stop someone I knew from taking everything down, got me a permanent place here,’ he told you when he caught you checking out the photos. ‘She was the only Double Black, nearly killed me trying to spin it like I wasn't doing it for the good of U.I., thankfully I was able to get the job done.’

‘...You became a Diamond because of that?’ You were partially curious, but you also knew that feeding his ego would keep him talking about anything other than his intended plans for the day.

‘I was already a Diamond, that's how I found out about it,’ he said, his expression darkening as he thought back to it, wrong move. ‘I thought they'd make me the next Double Black, but they already had someone else in mind, he got promoted for doing fuck all while I spent the next month in the hospital.’ He looked down at you, you'd just reminded him of something he hated and he did not look happy about it. ‘I didn't hesitate to put a bullet in her stomach when I thought she was a threat to everything I stood for, and she was someone I grew up with, someone I loved; don't think I won't do the same to you if you try anything like that phone business yesterday, Bunny.’

You swallowed, your back pressed up against the wall and your head bumping into the photo and making it swing; you didn't even know when you'd gotten there but now that you were he had you boxed in, his hand trailing down until it rested over your stomach. ‘What’s the point of teaching me anything if you're just gunna shoot me?’ you asked, and he gently poked you in the gut before jabbing hard, and when you winced he held you in place by your shoulder so you couldn’t double over or move away.

‘Would you prefer if I buried you instead?’ He jabbed you again, even harder this time, and even though it hurt you knew it'd be nothing compared to a gunshot.

‘You know what I prefer,’ you groaned, and he gave you one final poke before the hand on your shoulder moved to your throat, his thumb resting just over your collarbone as he avoided using any pressure.

‘Keep that up, see how you can talk back to me when I force enough ice down your throat to tear it up,’ he said in such a sweet voice it was like he was speaking to a lover, and when you swallowed again you knew he felt it under his fingers as that sharp canine peeked out to bite at his lip. ‘Of course, I might still try it; the sight of you gagging on the thickest icicle I can find has crossed my mind a few times since I first saw you.’ He looked you over again, and even though he kept his distance you could still feel his teeth on you. ‘Although, after what I saw earlier, maybe you might prefer something… warmer.’

‘Oh f-’ You didn’t even get a chance to even think about finishing as his grip around your throat tightened, his hand cutting off the word itself better than the slap from before had as you choked out a gasp.

‘What did I say about language?’

‘Excuse me, you never showed so I was sent to see what kept you.’ You both turned, you with a little difficulty as he quickly let go of you, to see a Square standing just off to your right, and even though he wore reflective goggles you could still tell he was avoiding the sight of you by the way his head kept slightly turning away. Breck cleared his throat, straightened himself up after picking up his fallen papers, and then grabbed your hand so you couldn’t dawdle or get distracted again. He all but dragged you after the Square until you stopped again in a small but grand library, the far wall all glass and showing off more of that magnificent view, a few other Diamonds already there and talking amongst themselves until they noticed your presence. As soon as they looked his hand left yours, your arm falling limply to your side before you lifted it to try and rub some heat back into yourself, a couple of them watching you with distaste as no one else was bothered by the room’s temperature.

‘This is the one you want permission to use our facilities on?’ one of them asked, her hip cocked to the side as her long hair spilled out from under her hat. ‘Isn’t there a search party going on right now for-’

‘There is, but I took care of it yesterday, no one will search this far,’ Breck informed them, a few talking in whispers for a moment.

‘No one under Square consideration is typically allowed to use the Tank, you’d really use up your time for this?’ another asked, his stereotypical dudebro voice going so perfectly with his outfit that you would’ve laughed under normal circumstances, but your throat was still sore and you didn’t want to know what he’d do to you for laughing at a Diamond. 

‘I would, I know what I’m doing with this one,’ he answered firmly, someone in the back snickering at him before walking into view.

‘Yeah, like how you said that the last time, and your so-called methods got her killed, smooth move on that one,’ he teased, someone giving him a fistbump as Breck tensed, your hand moving unconsciously towards your neck as he took a few calming breaths.

‘She wasn’t ready, I told you all that she was having trouble on the Greens, there was no need to rush her onto a Blue,’ he reminded them tersely, the whispering continuing with more hushed snickering, and you saw him move before he was hitting you with the papers, the clipboard hidden underneath. The papers flew every which way as the board snapped against your face, your voice crying out as the laughs fell silent, and when you staggered to the side you felt the heat trail down your face from your eyebrow as pain exploded behind your temple and eye. You touched the area with a shaky hand and pulled it back red, your eye twitching as Breck just stared at you, and you turned to see if the others would help only to find them all silent and waiting for your next move. ‘Pick those up,’ he ordered, tossing the rest of the board to the floor along with everything else, and you looked back at him as red started to stain your gray sweater. ‘I said pick those up, I can’t have you making a goddamn mess in here.’

You wanted to yell at him, tell him he was the one who made a mess but you couldn’t, so you just sank to your knees and started gathering the pages back up again, the other Diamonds talking before a new one spoke up.

‘Sure listens better than the last, that might just keep you alive, how’s your skiing?’ he asked, and when you opened your mouth to answer he hit you on the top of the head before snatching everything from you, your hands flying open to avoid the very strong possibility of papercuts.

‘Still on the bunny hill, but I’ll have you flying by the end of the week, won’t I?’ he asked you, and when you didn’t answer right away he grabbed you by the chin, your jaw going slack. ‘Won’t I?’

‘Y-yes,’ you managed to say, although it came out more as, ‘Es,’ the others satisfied with what they were seeing.

‘Good listener and determined, you’ll be a proper Circle in no time,’ the Diamond told you before turning back to Breck, who looked a little less angry, just a little. ‘You have our permission to use the Tank and the rest of the gym, just leave those boots and I’ll have Trey start fixing up a new pair of skis, but until they’re done don’t forget to use the training ones, they can wipe out all they want with those.’

‘Understood, thank you, and I was wondering if I’d also be able to use our private slopes until the search dies down, don’t wanna risk anyone seeing the posters before we take them down in a month,’ he requested, your gut churning at the thought of fully disappearing by this time next month, how easy that was for them to do when you were standing right there.

‘Good idea, you sure you’re not gunna lose another one out there? The other side of the mountain is so much steeper,’ another Diamonded reminded him, and when he looked at you you felt such a shiver go down your spine that it almost made you wobble, the pounding in your head growing stronger.

‘Oh, that won’t be a problem,’ was all he said, and they called the meeting before heading back out to do whatever it was they did up there when they weren’t giving lessons down below. Your body waited until they were all gone before you stumbled over to the nearest chair, the leather cold and creaking under your palms as you tried not to collapse against the back of it, Breck just watching you before walking over. He circled to the front, kneeling on the cushion as he reached for your face, and you flinched away from him until you felt how gentle he was holding you, your entire body melting into it as he examined what he’d done. ‘You’ve got blood on your sweater, we’ll have to pick up a new one before we continue,’ he hummed, his voice soft once more, and your eyes closed as you clenched your teeth in absolute misery.

‘I don’t understand you,’ you moaned, and he shushed you softly as he ran his thumb over the blood and licked it off of the digit before pulling out a handkerchief from his vest pocket. He cleaned you up as best he could, sometimes pressing a little too hard and making you flinch to the point he had to hold your head in place, and when he was done he pocketed it again instead of throwing it away.

‘Leave your shoes in the hall, we won’t be going outside today anyway,’ he told you as he stood up again, his hand waiting for you to take when you were done, but the thought of walking around there in just your socks was already making your toes grow numb.

‘Can’t we just visit Trey so he can measure them?’ you asked nervously, already expecting to be hit again for opening your mouth, but he spared you this time, giving you just a look you couldn’t argue with further instead. You did as he asked, undoing the laces just enough to slide your feet out, and you shivered as you stepped onto the carpet, knowing the tile that waited for you outside would be much less comfortable. He nodded and then you left the room, your boots handed off to Trey as he managed to reach you before you could set them down.

It was like walking on the mountain itself, the socks warm but not that warm as he led you down more hallways, a brief pitstop to hand off his papers to someone else slowing you down and making you hop from foot to foot. You were almost relieved when you reached the place he wanted to take you, it being the aforementioned gym with every possible piece of equipment you could think of; of course they wanted to stay in shape when they weren’t hitting the slopes, and just the thought of using one of the machines until you were all warmed up and sweating sounded like absolute bliss when before it would’ve been a headache.

You were in the middle of wondering which one you’d get to use first when he just grabbed you by the arm and kept going, a bunch of doors indicating smaller rooms lining the wall to your right. He opened the first to reveal an almost egg shaped… thing, you had no idea what this was, and when he walked over to it and pressed a button, the top unlatching so he could open it up, you still had no idea. ‘This is a sensory deprivation tank, you ever heard about these?’ he asked as you peered inside to see water, and you warily shook your head. ‘We have a few things up here that help with our skiing outside of Casey’s teachings, and I thought this might help you understand how it feels to be free, to fly,’ he said as he tested the water, and when you didn’t do the same he grabbed your wrist and made you dunk your hand in. It felt strange, thick, the water just about cold enough to burn, and you yanked your hand away and shook off the liquid, not liking this at all.

‘You’re gunna make me go in there?’ You weren’t afraid of small spaces typically, but the thought of him locking you inside a small room with a door only he could open filled you with a deep terror.

‘I was hoping you’d accept it on your own, since I can’t trust you with the pools, but if you don’t want to-’ Two Squares you hadn’t even heard come in suddenly started stripping you, Breck going over to a closet against the wall to find a towel and something else you couldn’t see. You fought against them as you lost every layer, your clothes tossed on the bench nearby along with the towel, your fighting moving onto the Squares themselves as they attempted to get you inside the tank. 

‘Wait! Let’s go skiing, okay? You can show me how it’s done, just let me get dressed and we can practice on the bunny hill, can’t we do that?’ you begged as your desperation ramped, Breck just pressing something small into your palm before moving the Squares aside to hold you, and when your hope arose at the thought of him liking that idea he shoved you hard. You landed on your back in the water, a bunch of it splashing out onto the floor before he was shutting the lid, it was pitch black, he was locking you in. ‘Breck, wait, Breck!’

‘Use the earplugs, it’ll keep the salt out,’ was all he said before it latched closed, nothing but the sound of water and your own heavy breathing surrounding you.

‘Please! Let me out! I don’t wanna be in here!’ you pleaded as you banged on the lid, your own voice so loud as you couldn’t even hear him on the other side anymore, you truly were deprived of all senses outside of the sound of the water still splashing. ‘Teach me to fly! I don’t want this, please don’t fucking leave me in here!’

Silence.

Your breaths came fast as your eyes fought to adjust but there was no light in here, your ears ringing as the water settled and the sound of nothing hit you so hard you became dizzy, your throat tight as your panic washed over you. ‘Okay, people use this all the time, this is fine,’ you whispered to yourself but even then it was too loud, your mouth shutting as you tried not to cry. I need to just lay down and wait, ear plugs, where’d the earplugs go? You felt around until you found them floating, and you wiped them dry as best you could before putting them in; it only accentuated the silence to the point where you felt like you were going to have a full panic attack, your eyes shutting next to ignore the fact that there was nothing around you in this space. You laid back and the thick water floated you up, it was only up to your waist but like this it felt like you were in an endless ocean, your hands finding the sides to make it a little smaller until your brain started to convince you that they were closing in.

You let your arms float at your sides as you sniffed and tried not to cry, light flashing behind your eyes to create something in the darkness, and when you let out a sob your head tilted a bit too much to the side. Salt got into your cut and you cried out in pain, your frustration building as you had a tantrum there in the dark, only stopping when your head dipped under the water and you choked. You coughed and spit the salty water out, your eyes and forehead burning from it as you went back to floating, your only choice to do what he said and just… fly.

You hated this, it felt like you were in a void, his words in your head as he told you you were nothing, this is all you were, just this. I don’t want this, you thought to yourself as you held back another sob, the video playing in your head as you watched all those happy people glide over the snow without a care in the world. I want to be happy, why does everyone else always get to be so fucking happy except for me? 

You saw your apartment, the blinds always drawn, messes strewn about as your depression got worse, the last visitor your landlord as he informed you your rent would be going up come the fall. 

Did I ask for this? Is it my fault I’m here? I didn’t know he’d do this, I just thought… 

You saw so many happy couples visit your work, their smiles wide and their hands latched together, and your hand closed over nothing but water without him there.

Can I… can I be special to him if I stay?

You thought of coming home by yourself, eating alone, sleeping alone, for the rest of your life, becoming a nothing just like he said; maybe next time your parents wouldn’t even invite you out after the hassle you were putting them through, maybe they’d go off somewhere great and you’d only get to hear about it over social media, everyone smiling and happy and free while you could only scroll over them on your phone.

I don’t wanna be alone…

You felt his hand in yours, sharing his warmth even though he had little to give.

I don’t wanna be alone.

You were on his lap, his chest pressed to yours, his hands on your hips as your wet hair dripped onto his shoulder.

I don’t want to be alone.

He was leaning over you, his lips just above yours, did you really angle up to meet him or was he keeping away so you couldn’t reach, even though you wanted to?

‘I don’t want to be alone!’

A sound filled the tank, it making you jump even with the earplugs blocking out most of it, and light streamed in so bright that it blinded you as a figure leaned down to look inside. You blinked repeatedly until you could see, Breck just staring at you as you sat there, bare and exposed for him to see, and you felt so overwhelmed at the mere sight of him that you scrambled forward, your arms flying around his neck as you nearly pulled him in with you.

‘Please don’t make me go back in there, I can’t do that again, please don’t make me, Breck,’ you sobbed into his shoulder, one hand balancing on the rim of the tank while the other rested against your lower back.

‘Sounds like you didn’t enjoy it as much as I’d hoped,’ he muttered to himself, his hand traveling up your back, then your arm before resting on your shoulder. ‘Maybe we should try the full hour, give you time to adjust to it, then you’ll see.’

‘What…? Wait, no, no don’t-!’

He used the hand on your shoulder to push you back again, your flailing even more wild this time as the Squares jumped in to keep you from crawling out as he moved to shut the lid once more. ‘One hour, but if it still doesn’t sink in, maybe we can go for two.’

‘Breck!’

Your hands hit the invisible wall in front of you again as he then locked you back in.

You were floating. You were dead. You were in hell. This was hell.

Your tears had dried again ages ago, maybe an hour, you weren’t sure but you knew he hadn’t let you out after another 60 minutes, that was certain. You were weightless in there, your eyes no longer swimming with ghosts as you saw nothing but darkness, your breathing slowed as your brain tried to shut down again. Your anxiety had spiked when the lid had shut to the point where you were sure you’d experienced it on a whole new level, the lightheadedness surpassed when you’d actually fainted when you panicked too hard, and when you woke up from it you were still there, still nothing.

You didn’t dare speak as you floated, you couldn’t remember how to like this, you didn’t want to hear your voice disappear into that void. You had the ability to find the edges, the bottom, the lid, but you refused to, not wanting to know that you really were in there, that he’d left you there to rot. The self-hatred had run out a long time ago, you’d gone through every single way to insult yourself, tear yourself down for being so stupid, so unlikeable, so unwanted that you were easily forgotten, and now you had nothing left to do but watch those people in your mind glide down the slopes.

‘Do you remember a time of happiness? Of freedom?’

You didn’t, neither of those things were here, not anymore.

‘When you had the ability to conquer your biggest fears, insecurities, and self-doubt?’

You were afraid of everything, all you had left were your insecurities and self-doubt, he’d made sure of that.

‘When you were on top of the mountain, freely descending with no force, and with no regret?’

You were never getting off this mountain, you’d never know what it was like to be free, and the world would keep turning as you drowned in your regrets.

As even the video faded from your memories, that didn’t sound like too bad of an idea.

Your neck ached a little as you pushed back, the water rising until it stung the corners of your eyes, and you resurfaced with a cough as a bit of it went up your nose. You didn’t sit up though, your lip quivering as you leaned back again, your hands finding the sides so you could get a grip; you braced yourself and used that to lower yourself into the water, your heart racing as you submerged yourself fully, your forehead burning as your lungs already started to ache, then shout, then scream. Your body fought to lift you back up just that little bit but you didn’t let it, the back of your head hitting the bottom as you involuntarily started to thrash, muffled moans of discomfort swallowed by the water as you just kept holding yourself under.

When you felt your grip start to slip you shut your eyes even tighter and flipped over, your hands clenching over your hair as you held your head down, and when you couldn’t stop yourself from opening your mouth to try and take a desperate breath you only gulped down water. The lightheadedness was back, your grip was softening, the floating feeling more comforting as the void offered its relief to you, called to you so you could escape this hell, this loneliness. You wanted it as your hands slid down to the water, a new weightlessness taking you over as you left your body, you were free now, you were flying.

The lid cracked open and hands were on you then, your entire body limp as you were pulled from the tank and placed on your back, a towel under your head as hands pumped on your chest, a mouth breathed air into you. You could almost see it, the Squares panicking as Breck just stood there and waited, and you were ready to go back down the mountain and see your family when he dropped down to his knees, plugged your nose, and breathed life back into your lungs.

You were thrust back into yourself as you coughed, choked, heaved all the water from your lungs, Breck wiping off his mouth as you were rolled onto your side. Tears streamed down your face not only from the burn but from the misery of him saving you, you were so close to going home, and he wiped a bit of water and bile from the corner of your mouth before standing. He wrapped a towel around your waist, your bloody sweater draped over your chest for that extra bit of warmth as he then picked you up, the Squares getting the door for you as he carried you back to your room.

‘You should’ve let me die,’ you moaned, or at least tried to, you didn’t think your mouth had caught up to your brain just yet, although that might have also been the other way around.

He didn’t answer no matter what the truth was, eyes straight ahead as you passed by other members, their gasps and whispers making more tears fall as you tried to block them out; it was too loud, too bright, you felt too cold and too much, every part of him that touched you making you feel too hot. When you reached your room the door was opened for him but the Squares didn’t stay, Breck laying you down on your blankets still soaking wet, and when he got up you let out a desperate sob, not wanting to be alone again after that. He returned with more towels, gently drying and warming you up, and when he was done he lifted you just enough to pull the blankets free so he could place you under them.

‘There was a camera in the Tank,’ he whispered as he crawled in next to you, and you still felt like you were floating as you sank into the mattress. ‘I watched you for almost 4 hours before you gave in, and I need to know: what did it feel like?’ His hand rested on your chest, rubbing heat into you as he felt your strengthening heartbeat, his face nuzzled into your neck as his leg moved on top of your own. ‘Did you feel free? Did you see God as you held yourself under the water?’ He started to pant as his crotch rubbed against your hip, his hand sliding lower until it was resting just under your stomach, your body heating up more and more as another tear rolled down your cheek, his tongue peeking out to lick it away. ‘Did you fly?’

‘Yes…’

He pressed a kiss to your jaw with a groan, tasting the salt on your skin as you let out a sigh, and when he moved even lower you felt your brain shut down again as everything faded back into that comfortable blackness.

You sat up with a start, blanket flying off of you as adrenaline raced through your body, your heart still pounding as you reached up to feel it with a very heavy hand. Every part of you ached from lying so still for so long, gravity feeling so much heavier than usual as you coughed again, still tasting the salt and his mouth. He was gone now, or maybe he hadn’t even been there in the first place, the only evidence of that day’s happenings being the dampness persisting on your pillow. Your body was hotter than it’d been in days, your thighs twitching a little as the memory of need still persisted, and you fell back against the pillow as you trailed your hand down from your chest to the throbbing heat waiting for your attention.

You just barely touched yourself before your sigh made you stop, there was still a camera, and you forced yourself to stand and head for the bathroom where it was safe, you needed to feel good after what you’d been through. You didn’t turn on the light, it would hurt too much and you didn’t want to see yourself in the mirror as you felt your way to the toilet, the lid coming down so you could sit, and it didn’t feel as cold as it would’ve been on your bare skin as you spread your legs and let your head fall back.

You wanted him there with you, you needed him to keep being there as your hand started to move, he saved your life and then just left you again like it was nothing, you were nothing, you needed him to make you something. ‘Breck…’ you whispered as your hips started to roll forward, your heart starting to race for a different reason as your pleasure built. He was your saviour, the only thing holding you here, your hand clutching the edge of the sink since he wasn’t there, your quickening breaths filled the room as your back started to arch.

You felt him hit you, grab you, shove you, the sight of his hand on his thigh and the threat of something warm filling your throat making you pant, it all hurt so much but it was all you had, he was all you had, and when a louder moan left your lips you covered your mouth before you knew something that would work better. Your hand closed around your throat and he was there with you, your hips twitching as you gasped out a breath, maybe if you suffocated like this he would come back for real and breathe more life into you as your hand just kept going, made him bear witness to how he made you feel. Each time you managed to suck in a breath you’d squeeze harder, seeing him there in the dark as your release started to build, and when your moans started to sound like gasps of his name you came all over your hand with a cut off cry.

You slid off the toilet and onto the floor as you let go of your throat, the shame of it hitting you so fast that you couldn’t even enjoy your afterglow there on the cold tile, your tears returning as you hunched over and sobbed. You tried to berate yourself but you couldn’t even do that, a cough coming out instead the moment you tried, and you felt even more shame as you remembered that he’d left you in there for four hours; he’d waited until you were almost dead before pulling you out, he’d wanted to see you float there before choosing to save you instead of letting you die, your life meant that little to him despite his promises of helping you become free.

‘Fu- ah! Ffffuck y-you,’ you choked into the tile, shoulders shaking as you hated him, you truly hated him more than anyone else in your entire life, the numbness that set in afterwards so strong that you didn’t even have the strength to get back into bed before you passed out again.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Love Until We Freeze Ch.2 Day 1 - Breck/Reader

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 ]

Warnings: Dead dove, do not eat. No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, loss of personal space starts here, partial loss of privacy (cameras), disregard for personal nudity starts here as well, forced cold showers, gaslighting.

Wordcount: 7666

Summary: Waking up in this facility instead of a warm hotel bed wasn't how you wanted to spend the next morning, because waking up to him meant that last night wasn't a dream.

Notes: The kidnapping officially kicks off here, it's now up to you to get out, if that's what you really want. He might be wearing that fuckass ski vest, but Breck's not one to be trifled with, never forget that.

You were so exhausted from the stress of last night as well as the cold that you slept in your clothes, the blanket weakly pulled over your still shivering shoulders and your wet boots just barely kicked off in the dark so you didn’t get the bed wet with the remaining snow. You were all bunched up when the door opened again, your eyelids so heavy they couldn’t even open until the person walking in grabbed your blanket and pulled it back. You couldn’t keep your grip as you were exposed, the person rolling you onto your back so they could finish taking off your coat and sweater. You were vaguely aware of your protests, your brain screaming for you to get up as cold air hit your bare arms, but you didn’t fully start moving until you felt something warm and plush hit your chest.

‘Get dressed, breakfast is in ten minutes,’ the person told you before leaving you in the dim light of the dawn, half of your remaining clothes in their arms as they did, and you blinked away the sleep as best you could before seeing that they’d given you a gray sweater to put on. You did, and it wasn’t as thick as the one they’d stolen but it was still somehow warmer, no blue square on the front as you smoothed out the wrinkles. Your boots were still wet, the water cold as you stepped in it with a yelp, and you wished that they’d left you some better socks as you uncomfortably pulled your boots back on. They were still cold, your toes already going numb as you stood and tested out the strength of your legs.

Your door was unlocked, and the hallway was empty as you peeked outside, and you sucked in a few quick breaths before taking off back towards the garage. You opened the door to find the row of parked ATVs, a couple missing with the dawn as some of the other instructors likely went back to work, and you scanned the wall until you found the switches to open the doors, the keys nowhere in sight, likely with their owners like Breck’s had been. All at once the cold swept in, the snow still falling and heavier so outside, and it was freezing but you needed to try and get out of there; he was a psychopath, he’d locked you in and stolen your clothes, who knew what else he’d do to you way up there when the others seemed to be in on it?

‘You don’t want to do that,’ his voice suddenly came from behind you, and you spun around to see him standing there, a black diamond on his own gray sweater peeking out from another warm vest.

‘Will you take me back?’ you asked again, feeling a little more courageous now that your heat and energy had returned, and when he didn’t answer you felt a frustrated rage so intense your hands started to shake. You lunged for his keys, the chain attached to his belt loop and leading into his pocket, but the moment you were within reach his large hand easily wrapped around your wrist and spun you around so your back was to him, your arm bent at an awkward angle that almost made you cry out.

‘You don’t want to do that, either,’ he whispered into your ear before letting you go, your shoulder aching something terrible as you rubbed at it, the rage only growing as tears pricked at your vision, Breck just turning on his heel and starting to walk away. ‘The dining hall is this way, there’re no signs here, you need to be expected to remember the trails.’

‘My family will look for me, you can’t keep me here,’ you threatened him without taking in his instructions, and he gave pause for just a moment before continuing, your body turning to stare at the large opening to freedom before you clenched your jaw and followed. The building was like a maze, wide hallways intersecting and leading to other branches, and the further you got from the garage and your room the more you saw others heading the same way as you. You picked up the pace, keeping close to him only because he was the only one you technically knew as they silently stared at your blank sweater, green circles and blue squares mingling together as you entered a cafeteria, but no more black diamonds.

‘I eat elsewhere, but you’ll come here every morning, have your breakfast, and then report back to me, is that clear?’ he asked as people pushed past you, Breck not even entering the room like it was below him, and you looked up at him and tried to gauge what his expression was behind his glasses but couldn’t even from your place behind him.

‘Rep- am I working here now?’ you asked exasperatedly as you circled in front of him, and again he didn’t answer as he turned and walked down another hallway, your feet following on instinct.

‘Only the Black Diamonds are allowed down here, but you’ll have clearance so you can find me, and never before 9AM,’ he continued as he walked through some double doors, the other side of them visibly nicer than where you’d just been. The floors were finished and it felt warmer, and some of the doors had names on them, although you didn’t see his. You read off the ones you did see in your head before it hit you that you were seeing a lot of similar ones, variations of the same name, and you frowned at him in confusion before he glanced back at you. ‘“Montanari” means, “from the mountain,” in Italian,’ he explained before you could ask, and you felt a bit of fear return to you as you realized why you were seeing so many similar last names.

‘Who are you?’ you asked before you could stop yourself, the fact that that wasn’t even his real last name making you see even more that you never should’ve accepted his offer.

‘Just a member of the Uler Institute, just like you’ll be too, in due time.’

You wanted to run again, you were never getting out of there, and the second your body twitched with adrenaline he moved, one hand grabbing the back of your neck while the other grabbed onto your wrist; his grip was hard, gave you no room to even breathe as he stared down at you, your own reflection meeting your eyes until you had to look away, try to pull free.

‘From the moment I saw you I knew, I knew you belonged up here,’ he told you lowly, a shiver running up your spine even though you wanted nothing more than to get away from him. ‘We never bring people in on our own but you, oh, you needed to come here, I needed you to come here with me.’

You looked up at him, something arising in your chest as his hand on the back of your neck held you a little softer, his smile disarming you as you forgot about leaving for a moment, about your family waiting for you back down the mountain.

‘You’re special, I know it.’

‘Am I?’ you whispered back with a nervous swallow, and as soon as the words left your mouth he let go of you, backed away, that same unreadable expression back on his face.

‘Of course not, but you want to be, don’t you? That’s why you took my offer, tried to find me even though you knew I wouldn’t be there; you wanted to be worth more to me than the others, to be worth my time and my private lessons, even now you follow after me because I can offer you what you want even when you can leave whenever you please.’ The hallway remained empty as he spoke, your humiliation only building as you denied what he was saying, but you couldn’t change the fact that you had gone out, you could’ve left, you were staying for reasons you didn’t want to understand.

‘Give me the keys to an ATV and I’ll go,’ you challenged, and he tossed you his in an instant, the metal cold in your hands despite being in his pocket.

‘You’re lower than a Circle, not even Level 1, you go out there and you’ll die,’ he said bluntly, not a hint of remorse in his voice. ‘You could never know the freedom of flying down the mountain, of going so fast nothing could catch you, and you’ll never know if you try and drive that road alone.’ He placed his hands over yours again, trapping his keys in your palm, and even though he was barely hanging on you couldn’t pull away. ‘Stay here, raise your lower self-elevation, feel that freedom, and you can fly back down with me.’

He was so close you could feel his breath on your face, the only warm thing about him as he held you in place by just your hands, and when you swallowed again you saw the corner of his mouth twitch up. ‘And if I still want to go?’ you asked, voice barely audible, his hands falling away from yours to allow you to run if you so pleased.

‘Then I’ll make you stay.’

A threat, he was threatening you, and his keys jingled before you turned back to the double doors and ran. A buzzing noise was heard to your right as the light on that side of the doors turned from green to red, this really was a prison you thought as you slammed into the push bars and felt them give without the resulting action following as intended. You struggled with them as he casually walked up behind you, your panic rising until he reached around you, took his keys back with a sigh, his other hand massaging the back of your neck this time with no real pressure.

‘It’s a shame, I really didn’t want to have to do this, but it’s been a while since I’ve had to test anyone, you really won’t like what I have to do to you next,’ he said mostly to himself as he reattached the chain one-handed, his keys in his pocket and fully out of reach once more as you finally stopped trying your fruitless endeavors.

‘What’re you gunna do to me?’ You couldn’t look at him this time, the chill spreading down your spine turning out to be his hand as it moved further down before traveling back up, like he was almost petting you comfortingly before he grabbed onto the back of your turtleneck and pulled.

‘Give you my private lessons.’

The light above you turned green again as he cut his tour short, the doors flying open as he led you by the scruff to another wing, not to the cafeteria so you could eat. This area was also sectioned off with double doors, although this time you could see that it was guarded, not just anyone was allowed down here, and he merely had to nod before the door was unlocked by the other man so you could enter. It was even colder down there, your cheeks burning from it as you stumbled through another set of doors, the two of you finally coming to a stop outside of one of the numbered rooms.

‘This will be yours until the testing is over, and you're not to leave until I get you each morning, no exceptions.’ The door was unlocked and inside was a room slightly bigger than the one you were in last night, a secondary door on the right leading to a bathroom according to the small sign plastered to it. This room had no window or nightstand, just a bed and a table, and you felt like you really were in prison as he all but threw you inside when you didn't go in on your own.

‘Why are you doing this to me? I don't want to be a part of your weird institution, I just came up here to escape the cold.’ You could barely stand in this room, the air felt so stale and heavy, dust was coating everything and showing off how little this room was used; already you missed how easily you had sank into your bed back at the hotel, missed how your cousins would be forcing conversation with you over breakfast in terrible attempts to talk about how great their lives and achievements were right about now, all of that so preferable to the growing helplessness you felt every time Breck opened his mouth.

‘And that's exactly why you're here.’ He entered your room, the door closing behind him, the sound making your shoulders jump up as his presence filled every space. ‘You say you don't ski, you hate the cold, you want to escape it; I can show you the beauty of it all here, show you the teachings of those who taught me, this will be good for you.’

‘Keeping me here against my will is good for me? Are you fucking insane?’ you demanded as you faced him, your hand coming out to hit him right on the puffy vest, it giving a pathetic sound as your palm smacked against it. ‘I sought you out, fine, you got me there, but I never fucking did it to end up here! All this weird last name shit meaning snow and mountains, the sweaters - which I got by the way, I don't ski but the symbolism wasn't lost on me - the locked doors, the fucking subzero temperatures! When I get outta here I'm telling everyone what's up here, so you'd better knock this shit off before you lose those Level 6 credentials you're so proud of.’

He took off his glasses and placed them in his vest pocket then, and his eyes held no humour as he approached you slowly, your body betraying your commands to stay still as your feet shifted slightly back to put some more space between you. ‘Apart from an instructor down at the hotel, I happen to be a Tester up here, do you know what that means?’ He gave you no chance to shake your head. ‘It means that I'm one of the people who weed out the weak links, the people who'll disturb the snow, avalanche prevention.’ He took another step towards you and this time you did back up, although you didn't allow your face to give away what you were feeling, although you feared that he knew. ‘This will be good for you, but if you continue to shake the trees, disturb the trails that were blazed long before you ever set foot in here, then I won't hesitate to bury you.’

Your entire body twitched, a single movement that gave you away, but he felt no humour towards it, if he did he hid it better than you. ‘So you'll kill me?’ you needed to know, and when his hand came up to not even touch you but hover by your cheek you shut your eyes and flinched away from him with a shudder.

‘No, I'll bury you, out there in the snow until you're reborn in it like I was, and when you're cold and shivering and truly appreciating what I- we have to offer to you, you'll grovel at my feet and beg me for more, just like all the others.’ He touched you then, his thumb rubbing a line across your jaw as his hand slid into place until he was almost grabbing you. ‘And, if you're good, maybe I'll let you have it.’

You didn't want to leave again as the chill of his hand made your skin burn once more, you were afraid of him and all the power he held over you in this place but your fear only made you want more, and when he leaned down, his nails digging into your scalp, you felt your breath quicken as the adrenaline raced through you.

‘And I'm a Level 8, not 6; don't you ever get that wrong again, or I'll have to show you the difference myself.’ He whispered it directly into your ear, his voice sending shivers down your spine, and for a moment you wanted him to show you before he let you go and backed up. ‘I'll have one of the Squares bring you something to eat, gather your strength back up, you're going to need it later.’

And then he was gone, your knees nearly buckling now that you were alone again, a cloud of dust puffing up around you as you collapsed onto the bed. Now that it was just you you were free to properly take in your surroundings, and after getting acquainted with your four walls and the bathroom beyond in a matter of minutes you knew you had to keep moving or else you might start trying to break down all of them using whatever you could find. 

You decided to focus on cleaning, you had nothing to really use other than the bathroom sink water and a washcloth, but it was better than nothing and got the job done well enough. As you worked and cleared away the age you warmed up, no one ever coming to bring you your breakfast but you never noticed as you wiped everything down, scrubbed the floor, tried to snap the dust from your sheets despite the aftermath of the air getting thick with it afterwards.

When you were done you sat down again, your chest heaving and your body comfortably warm, the mattress welcoming you as thanks for a job well done, and the moment you flopped back onto it your door unlocked. A Square, as Breck had called them, walked in just enough to place a plate of food and a thermos on your table; she didn't say anything, just finished her task before locking you in again, and you didn't question her timing before you were practically pouncing on the food before you. There was a very real threat of it being drugged or poisoned but you didn't care, at least you wouldn't die hungry as you almost skipped your provided utensils entirely, the full breakfast just as exquisite as what the hotel promised on their website.

It was almost enough to bring you to tears it was so delicious after what you'd been through, and you didn't want to risk Breck thinking you ungrateful for this after his threats to bury you. You went to the thermos to find it full of hot chocolate with a bunch of tiny marshmallows instead of water or coffee or even tea, and the sugar hit your stomach hard with a bit of a rush that was quickly suffocated with more potatoes and bacon. When you looked down for more and just saw an empty plate you felt disappointed, the last drops of your drink hitting your tongue seconds before your door opened again. 

A camera, there had to be a camera in there, otherwise there was no way her timing was that good.

She collected your dishes before stopping to watch as you scanned the place, and she just pointed to the corner above the table before walking out again; there it was, you’d been so focused on everything else that you hadn’t seen it, a small camera taking in everything. Instantly you ran for the bathroom but thankfully there were none, at least you had some privacy in there, but it didn’t change the fact that he might be watching you right now. You walked back out into your room, staring the device down as you waved your hand, then your whole arm, waiting to see if anyone else would come but no one did, if Breck was on the other side he was letting you relax until the ‘later’ he'd mentioned. So you sat down, ready to wait until then, and as the minutes turned to an hour, then several, your nerves too high to even sleep the day away, you wished that he'd just get it over with.

You didn't realize that you were nodding off until you heard the loud sound like an airhorn go off in your room, your eyes flying open as your entire body jolted in surprise, but no one was there. ‘What the fuck…?’ you swore to yourself under your breath, your eyes drooping closed again when you heard it a second time, and this time you could see that you were alone. ‘What the fuck?’ you asked the room a little louder this time, and a faint crackling came from the camera before you heard a voice.

‘Sleeping is not permitted during the day. Find something more constructive to do while you wait for your Tester.’

‘...There's nothing to do,’ you told the camera but got no answer, and already you were sick of everyone treating you with silence, like you weren't even worth the time it took to reply. Now tired and annoyed, you stood up and searched everywhere for something you might've missed, disturbing your freshly made bed a little more to see if maybe something was hidden under the mattress or taped to the bed frame, but there was nothing to find, nothing to do. They hadn’t even left you a book to read about this so-called institute or the teachings of its founder, nothing to help your indoctrination along even if you were interested in joining, at least that would’ve helped pass the time until Breck finished whatever the hell was making him take so long.

Maybe the waiting was supposed to aid in your desperation, make you more susceptible to his words when you were finally given company? Good luck with that, you were used to being on your own, you could handle boredom better than the next person, and you’d much rather be bored than stressed, this was actually having the opposite reaction on you. Still, boredom was boredom, so you decided you might as well continue to keep warm by having a shower now that you knew the bathroom was camera-free. You gave it one more once-over before stripping down, the chill coming from the cement walls making you shiver down to your bones as you cranked the handle hard to the left and let the hot water spray down.

The room was fast to fog thanks to the wildly different temperatures, creating your own personal sauna even outside of the shower, and you relaxed as you got under the stream and felt the heat warm you back up. It was divine, you had never enjoyed a hot shower like this before, clearly you’d been taking advantage of them all your life and that was going to stop as of today. You let out a sigh as the steam invaded your every pore, your muscles untensing and sending you into a state of contentment so deep that you didn’t even notice the figure on the other side of the curtain until it was pulled to the side.

You jumped and moved to cover yourself from his view as Breck let out all the steam, the bathroom door open and swallowing up the sauna you’d created, and he waited until the mirror started to defog from the growing chill before reaching for the handle. You forgot about your modesty as you grabbed his wrist so he couldn’t turn it, your panic rising at losing your last bit of salvation, and he stared you down before wrenching your right hand off of him enough to overpower your left. You cried out as the cold hit you like a rain of needles, your wrist trapped in his hand now and stopping you from escaping the downpour, his eyes never leaving you until his smile started to grow so wide you could see his teeth. Finally he let you go, and you crashed into the now cold tiles as you curled up on the ground and tried to warm yourself back up, protect yourself from the spray.

‘You have five minutes to finish up, don’t keep me waiting,’ was all he said before walking out and sitting on your bed, watching you through the doorway behind his sunglasses. You didn’t realize you were crying until you sucked in a shaky breath, hot tears lost amidst the cold spray, and you sniffed and tried to stand so you could shut it off, you needed to get dressed and fast. This was torture, and he was reveling in it as you shakily grabbed a towel and started to dry off the second the water was stopped, your hands hurrying over goosebumped skin so you could start pulling on your clothes as fast as you could. You didn’t even care that your hair was still wet, your hands were shaking and you needed to finish before they went numb, and you didn’t dare risk turning the sink on to warm them back up, not while he was right there.

You hung the towel back up to dry, who knew if he’d give you a fresh one for next time, and then walked over to him, and he looked you over before reaching out and grabbing onto the bottom of your sweater. You wanted to pull away but you couldn’t as he gave you a gentle tug, your legs spreading as he wordlessly got you to sit on his lap, and he still felt so cold but less so, he was warmer than you and you needed that so badly you couldn’t help but shift closer in desperation. ‘By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be able to fly down the mountain without even feeling the cold, you’ll be so free such trivial things won’t even cross your mind anymore,’ he whispered as he brushed your still wet hair out of your eyes, rubbed the cold water between his fingers before trailing his index over your cheek just to see your skin turn pink. 

‘You still assume I’m gunna join your cult,’ you said with a shiver, but still you didn’t move away, stealing as much of his warmth as you could even from your precarious position, this was also not lost on you.

‘The Uler Institute is not a cult, but I know you will, you’ll never want to leave.’ He pulled you a little closer, your chests touching and your arms coming up to wrap around him, needing to have more, your face heating from the humiliation of needing it that much.

‘Bullshit, I have a life back home, why would I wanna stay after what you’re doing to me?’ You resisted the urge to nuzzle into his neck for a little more, your hair dripping onto the back of his sweater, your eyes watching as the darkness spread from droplets to warped circles.

‘Because I’m here.’

You clenched your teeth and got off of him, your body already craving the little warmth he offered as your humiliation grew. ‘Fuck you, you can keep feeding yourself these delusions of grandeur but I’m not falling for them,’ you hissed, Breck humming to himself before standing, the invitation to keep stealing his body heat now over.

‘We’ll see,’ was all he said before he was walking out, the door held open for you to follow, and even though it would be so easy to go back into the bathroom and wait until he got bored enough of you to let you go, you quickly jogged after him before that invitation ended as well. He smirked as you walked beside him and you bit your lip in frustration, just wanting to get whatever he wanted done and out of the way so you could go back to your room and start planning your escape; you knew you wouldn’t be able to drive down even in the day, you’d never driven an ATV before, let alone down a snowy mountain, so that truly was out of the question. You guessed the actual ski routes weren’t anywhere near the building so it could remain hidden from patrons, or at least appear like an employee building to those who could see it from afar, but if you could just get sight of one of them you could brave the cold long enough to get help.

The other instructors must’ve been in on it, he did work for the hotel down below after all, so finding someone who wasn’t a customer was incredibly out of the question. Your best bet was to find where the Double Black Diamond course started since it was the highest, make contact with the first non-instructor you saw, and catch a ride down with them or one of the lifts, although the latter would have to be a last resort since there was a good chance he might be waiting for you at the bottom even if he couldn’t make a scene while you very much could.

As you looked up at him out of the corner of your eye you hoped you’d be able to make a scene if the chance arose, his ability to stop you too dangerous to get caught in when freedom would be within your reach.

You walked until he reached the room of his choice, another Square waiting outside of it, and he followed you in as the door was opened, Breck placing his hand on your lower back and leading you inside. It was a small room, barely big enough to fit the small audience of six chairs pushed against the wall and facing an old box-screen TV, and he had you take the front row beside him as the Square turned on the TV and started up the tape already in the VCR.

‘This is your Focus Leader. Adjust the focus until the picture is sharp,’ the man on the TV said, obviously no one moving to do so since this was a recording, but the way the grain on screen flickered so heavily made your eyes hurt, it not enough to make you dizzy thankfully.

‘Everything okay?’ Breck asked softly as the man then told you to adjust the sound, and you just focused on the wall slightly to the left of the screen with a small nod.

‘Just peachy,’ you said without wanting to give your slight epilepsy away, the last thing you needed was him knowing any of your other weaknesses with how much he was already attacking your hate of the cold. He didn’t say anything, just faced forward to watch the tape with you, his hand closing over yours and giving you just a bit of warmth; you sighed at it, an involuntary reaction, and you saw him smirk again before holding you a little tighter.

‘Do you remember a time of happiness? Of freedom?’ the TV asked, the screen black as the music started up, and instantly you knew that this was their version of their indoctrination book as footage of skiers faded in next. ‘When you had the ability to conquer your biggest fears, insecurities, and self-doubt? When you were on top of the mountain, freely descending with no force, and with no regret?’ You scoffed to yourself, this was ridiculous, out of all the things to build a cult around it had to be something silly like this; even with his very real threats and ability to actually hurt you, this was still so incredibly stupid to have it confirmed that it was a ski cult, and you tried to move your hand away just based on that.

He didn’t let you, and when you tried again the Square suddenly appeared behind you to grab you by the head so you’d stop not paying attention.

‘Here at the Uler Institute, you can get back to evolving your skills, and, more importantly, yourself,’ the announcer continued, more footage of skiers on screen, your face scrunching up in discomfort as he held you even tighter. ‘With our skilled Zaggers, and support of fellow Huggers, you’ll renew by smoothing out your grinding, and getting into the corn thanks to the methods of Edmund Casey. It’s time to get back to making the fresh tracks that you deserve. It’s time for U.I.’

A logo of the place showed on screen before it cut to static, that was it you supposed, not too much of your life wasted on their preachings as your head was let go of, although Breck remained holding your hand. When he stood you did as well, that was it for this room apparently, and you followed him again until you reached another room, more random members walking past you in all directions now that the day was well underway. This place was larger, like a meeting room despite the two lonely chairs inside instead of the possible ten or more, although there was no one inside other than the two of you this time, no Squares to hold your head to make sure you paid attention.

He sat down first, not waiting for you to do the same across from him, and you just sat there until someone walked in to hand him a clipboard and a few papers, as well as a pen. This one was another Square, and he didn’t even glance your way before leaving again, Breck straightening in his chair before flipping to the first page and clearing his throat. ‘Do you ever-’

As soon as he started talking someone ran in, this one a Diamond, and she quickly jogged over to him, gray hat bouncing on her head with each step. You raised an eyebrow in confusion as she leaned down and whispered something in his ear, and he let out an annoyed sigh before gathering up his things and standing; guess the interview was over. You continued to sit until he was looking back at you, and when you tried to follow he held out his hand, you weren’t coming this time, but the other Diamond didn’t stay either, you the only one in the room as the door was locked behind them to make sure you didn’t try anything while he was gone.

You sat back against the tan plush of your chair, letting out your own sigh because this was so much worse than whatever he had in store for you, like all this damn waiting really was the true torture to break you and make you want to give in just so you’d have something to do. You planned on telling him just how ineffective this was, how he did a much better job at making you feel actually threatened when he was there, but decided to hold off on that second part since it might feed into his ego a bit too much. You went over your words in your head as the minutes dragged on, and this time when you dozed off there was no one to tell you to wake up through a speaker.

You woke up when you felt someone grab onto your sweater, a very drowsy, ‘Huh?’ mumbled out as you looked up and saw not Breck but another Square, no time to figure out what was going on as he picked you up and led you out of the room by your wrist. This woke you fully as actual worry made you wonder what was so important he couldn’t come back, no sign of him as you just kept walking back to your room. ‘Where is he?’ you asked, no answer again making you mad as you fought back against his hold, his hand holding tight even as you bent his wrist at a bad angle, his face giving off how much it hurt. ‘Hey, what happened to him? Are you listening to me? You really expect me to stay here when you can’t even fucking answer me?’

‘Breck’s been called down the mountain, seems your parents are organizing a search party for you,’ he finally said after you twisted his wrist again, and you stopped right in the middle of the hallway, his body jerked back when you didn’t follow, his grip slipping from you in the motion. He reached for you but you stepped away, lost in thought about how you were noticed that fast, how he wasn’t there, how if you tried to run you might actually get found. ‘He told me to tell you you won’t make it, y’know.’

‘He doesn’t know that.’ You needed to find a phone, you couldn’t remember your parents’ numbers but you knew your own, maybe if they were holding your phone you could contact them, get them to head up there. Your eyes darted around as you looked for any sign of an office or a common room, somewhere a phone would reside, and you decided to just pick a hall and run; these guys might be great on the slopes, but how fast were they on solid ground?

‘Don’t even think about it,’ the Square warned but it was too late, you took off in a sprint, your stomach still full enough to give you the energy boost you needed as you raced down the hall. You couldn’t risk going through any doors that didn’t have any hints to what you were looking for, as a member he might be able to lock you in like Breck could, so you just kept running until you reached an open area, a few Squares but mostly Circles hanging out and watching some snow related movie on the provided TV. You looked at them before continuing your search, all of them confused at what they should do as your escort ran in after you, and you just kept going until you saw a corded phone on one of the tables by the large archway to a connecting hall.

You ran for it, grabbing it and taking it inside the nearest room before locking yourself in, you only had a bit of time before they disconnected the line so you tapped out the numbers as fast as you could, the receiver held up to your ear as they tried to break the door down. When the line went through you felt such a deep relief that you almost gasped out a sob, and you had just enough time to say, ‘Mom?’ before you heard a low chuckle.

‘Sounds like you got away from Chet, that didn’t take long,’ Breck said on the other end, and you slid to the ground against the door as the sob returned in a more distressed way. ‘Your parents are out there right now with the rest of your family, they all think you might’ve gotten lost on the mountain, it’s a good thing your phone was picked up before they noticed you were gone or else you might’ve caught one of them.’

‘Please, just let me speak with them, let them know I’m okay,’ you begged, but he ignored you this time, the sound of his footsteps in the snow letting you know he was outside.

‘It’s a beautiful day today, but the falling snow is going to make it so hard to find footprints, especially after the morning rush,’ he said to himself, your body shaking as you could hear the other patrons walk around, hear shouts of parties being divided to look for you.

‘I’ll wait for you, I promise, just please-’

‘No, I’m talking to a few other instructors higher up, they haven't seen anything,’ he said away from the phone, your uncle’s voice, the one who stole your book the day before, faintly heard over the speaker as he asked Breck who he was talking to.

‘Frank! Uncle Frank! I’m here!!’ you yelled as loud as you could, Breck muffling your shouts with his hand based on the way you couldn’t hear anything other than his voice and cruel static. ‘Fuck- I’m here…’

‘We’ll keep looking down here, you stay put and call me again if anything changes, I’ll be back before dark,’ he then said, making sure your uncle believed him before he walked away, the door banging into your back as the others continued to try and break it down. ‘And I expect you to apologize to Chet for any trouble you caused, don’t let there be a mess when I get back.’

He hung up before you could say anything else, and you just sat there before dialing again, a woman on the other end informing you that the number you’d dialed was disconnected or out of service. The receiver fell to the floor as the growing hopelessness left you numb, and when the door finally opened you fell forward as it shoved you, the other members just looking at you as they came to the conclusion that your call had failed. One of them brought the phone back to its proper place while three others escorted you back to your room, and even when the speaker yelled at you not to sleep you just flipped off the camera and curled up on your bed, ignoring the sounds they played to wake you as your pillow was pulled over your head.

You were cold again when you woke up, the mattress sank behind you but the person causing it not talking as they watched you sleep. Your face was warm but it was hard to breathe as the pillow still rested over you, and it was a miracle you didn’t suffocate yourself in your sleep thanks to remaining on your side the entire time. You moved the pillow and instantly regretted it, your body numb from the room and now used to it but your warm cheeks stung in the chill. You didn’t even have to look to know who was waiting for you to get up, and you certainly didn’t want to run the risk of him grabbing onto that pillow and finishing the job.

Breck was staring at you in the dark, the light spilling in from under the door just barely showing off his silhouette as your eyes adjusted more and more, and you felt your heart beat just a little faster at the thought of not knowing how long he’d been there. ‘How’s the search party going?’ you asked, your hand clenching over the blanket at the thought of him facing your family and pretending like he didn’t know where you were.

‘Unsuccessful so far, they can’t seem to find where you’d gone off to in the middle of the night,’ he updated you like he wasn’t talking about you being a missing person, like this wasn’t your life he was holding in his hand. ‘It’s a shame, all they wanted was to get you out of your apartment, you’d be surprised how much your parents confessed to me over drinks once the sun set, they made me drive back in the dark.’

‘You could’ve crashed, driving drunk like that,’ you seethed, but he didn’t react to your tone.

‘I didn’t drink, I didn’t wanna risk not being able to come back to you when you were waiting so patiently for me.’

‘I wasn’t waiting, I was sleeping.’ You were still rolled onto your side facing the wall but laying like this was making your neck hurt, and you knew that facing him a little more would be the better action as you shifted a bit onto your back.

‘I saw how long you waited after I left, you were in there for an hour before Chet got you, would you have stayed if he hadn’t?’ You couldn’t tell in the dark but it seemed like he was getting closer, your breath quickening through your nose as you tried to figure out if it was just your eyes playing tricks on you or not.

‘Where else could I have gone? This place is a goddamn maze and it’s too cold out,’ you said like you had no choice, but you thought about walking away from the open garage door before his arms were on either side of you, hands planted on the bed and face staring down at you in the dark.

‘You’re making excuses now, you’re riding down the bunny hill and finding every way to not finish it,’ he said, his face getting closer until you could see it, your eyes flicking down to look at his mouth when you could finally see that he wasn’t wearing his sunglasses. ‘Tomorrow, we’ll finish what we started today, they won’t call for me again after what I told them, the search party can continue without us.’

When he spoke you could feel his breath on your face, and when you opened your mouth you could almost taste him, like mint and the cold.

‘If I listen to all of this, raise my elevation or whatever you said, will you really bring me back before they leave?’ Your voice was so low he leaned even closer to hear you, your eyes shutting when you couldn’t look at him any longer, and when you felt his lips brush against yours you weren’t sure if he was leaning down or you were angling up to meet him. The kiss couldn’t even really be called that, the touch just barely there as your lips parted to suck in a shaky breath and maybe allow him entrance, but it never deepened, never made real contact as he sat back up, pleased with your reaction.

‘A lot can happen in a week, who says you’ll want to go back when they pack up and leave you behind?’

‘The- they won’t leave me behind,’ you shuddered, but if he believed you or not he didn’t say as he stood up and walked out so you could go back to sleep, your hand finding your mouth in the dark as you still felt him over you.