#a festering problem in anime communities

[meldingintheunderdark]

Halsin's ending is not a beautiful, pain free dream

I don't know if this opinion is unpopular because my return to tumblr is so recent, but hear me out. I will not speak about Tavs since I don't ever play them. My post will be solely focused on Halsin solo romanced by the Dark Urge, i.e. Sszazar who fought tooth and nail for redemption.

Rationally, I understand that some players are satisfied with his ending, yet I find it soul crushing all the same. It's the perfect example, nay, the quintessence of Halsin's problems. A messy knot of unaddressed traumas, of questionable decisions, the embodiment of his perpetual fuite en avant (rushing ahead to avoid something, to repeat actions that led to a first crisis).

His project is a clear attempt to fulfill needs forever denied: to have a family of his own, a community where he's at long last free from the shackles of leadership, or even to follow his own path as a druid, away from the suffocating traditions of the Emerald Enclave. A commendable project, but too ambitious for one man.

Indeed, Halsin's plan is his and his alone. Although he spoke of his desire to have a family or to help the unfortunate children, the PC is not directly involved in preparing the commune. They are kept in the dark until Halsin is ready to leave without them.

Halsin single-handedly shoulders the planning and the responsabilities that the future settlement entails. Needless to say, for centuries now, he has favored a paradoxical approach of avoidance and obsessive behavior combined with extreme guilt trip to deal with his own troubles, even distorting traumas to make them palatable. In my opinion, his solitary preparation is the expression of said approach.

They won. Faerûn is saved. The shadow curse is no more. It could be the ideal time to slow down, to assess the extent of damage after such a nerve-racking adventure. Yet Halsin is already rushing into another long lasting project involving countless settlers, among them nine whole wagons of children. He's restless. Instead of turning inward to acknowledge his shortcomings, to simply heal, he barrels along at full speed, continuing his never-ending cycle of avoidance. What about his failings as the archdruid of the Emerald Grove? A group of haggard tieflings and his absence were sufficient to let hate and cruelty fester amongst his druids. How did he fail to notice the rampant corruption? Were the Shadow Druids manipulating his people under his nose? Why did he welcome the refugees, exhausted and traumatized, only to abandon them because Aradin was going to the shattered sanctum?

Halsin must do everything alone. He welcomes the tieflings. He leaves with Aradin because he must deal with the shadow curse. Survivor guilt. If it's about himself, his most vulnerable side, then Halsin oft deals in absolutes.

Ironically, he cannot save Thaniel and his realm on his own. Although far-fetched, I personally interpret Halsin's personal questline as his reflection.

Halsin's questline is his reflection

He's obsessed with the shadow curse, without a true confident for a good century, and neglects his druids and the tieflings he decided to shelter. Out of the blue, he chooses mercenaries to support him in his irrepressible, compulsive endeavor. Unfortunately, wrong team, they fail. He is then caged like a rabid animal, at the mercy of goblins who don't communicate with him at all. There is nobody to listen to him, to his worries, to his needs. He's once again alone, like he had been with the drow captors.

The PC gives him his freedom back when no one else would, thus he faces his main fixation obsessively with this newfound support. And yet... Who listens to him? Who finds Art Cullagh? Who finds the lute? Who finds Oliver? Who kills Ketheric? The PC.

He goes to the Shadowfell to find Thaniel, alone, protected by his allies. He wants that light, that friendship, that support. (The portal with a warm, comforting glow attacked by shadows, the fact he can die if the portal is destroyed while he's seeking Thaniel… The portal could be a representation of Halsin, of the positive changes he yearns for, but he cannot progress as he's attacked by doubts, old pains, traumas.) He comes back with Thaniel, split in half. Thaniel and Oliver are reunited by the PC who, if the right options are selected, encourages Halsin to soothe Oliver.

During the last push to chase the shadows, if he's in the team to vanquish Ketheric, he's supported and led by the PC.

I know my interpretation is highly disputable, nevertheless, his questline is so him. That positive side, Thaniel, hollow. The darkness, Oliver, deeply lost and lonely, surrounded with shades that are his pseudo friends. Thaniel and Oliver are stronger together, however the curse is still overwhelming. The PC carries Halsin all the way till the shadow curse is lifted.

And the very last cutscene is all about Halsin and the PC watching nature blooming once again. Hope for a better, brighter future.

Halsin: I don't deserve you, my friend.

Halsin needs support. Don't get me wrong, he's a capable adult. He can take care of himself. Yet the glaive (though it was in EA) ended in a lone, secluded vault. Out of sight, out of mind. Halsin has been alone for so many years that he craves the support of his trusted equal to progress. It doesn't make him weaker or less of an adult. It's merely a lot less wearing to be helped by someone who reciprocates care happily and willingly.

The consequences for the commune and the orphans

All that scarcely credible yapping about his questline to say that Halsin tends to shoulder responsabilities alone, too many, far too many, with little to no self-empathy. That, without proper support, he tends to fail and hurt himself, to repeat situations which have already wounded him in the past (cf. my post about the drow twins). So, what does it mean for the commune?

I assume he will fail to nurture an environment without a vertical organizational structure at first. The hierarchy won't be similar to the Grove's, however he will become the de facto leader because he cannot for the life of him acknowledge his deepest, most painful shortcomings. Case in point:

Halsin: All these months, and I haven't been away from what we built together. There's a whole community out in Thaniel's realm that has never known a day without our presence. Halsin: Being away from it... I cannot help but worry how they will fare in our absence.

He will surround himself with like-minded people, nevertheless, we must not ignore the fact he's an archdruid, a 350 years old elf as he loves to repeat, and one of the saviors of Baldur's Gate. His experience, his fame and his tendency to burden himself are a recipe for disaster. Six months after the Elder Brain's defeat, the commune depends heavily on him. He fled leadership, only to become a leader again.

Halsin: At last count, there were nine whole wagons of children in tow. They are my duty now. 'Daddy Halsin', they call me. Who am I to tell them otherwise?

The Daddy Halsin has been "memed" to death. From my point of view, it's jarring. When Halsin reveals his plan, he barely mentions adults and doesn't associate them with the kids. His statement is crystal clear. The nine wagons of children are his duty. He's their caregiver, their new father figure. Not one parent, or one guardian among many, but the one they call Daddy. From his point of view, the concept of family seems to be eminently traditional.

Halsin: I just hope the children get by without me there for their bedtime stories...

Ultimately, the orphans will be neglected temporarily because Halsin cannot provide the necessary parenting, the emotional support nor the individual time any child deserves on his own. Furthermore, these children are extremely vulnerable. Abandoned, parents and siblings killed by the Absolute forces, who knows? It may last a week, but Halsin needs to realize first that he cannot be their only Daddy, otherwise he will hurt them. Not out of malice, not on purpose, just because he's deeply entrenched in his views and his longings.

The Dark Urge

Halsin is overly positive about the refugees wishing "to praise the savior of Baldur's Gate", adding that "quite a few little fans will be overjoyed to make your acquaintance". I won't ever believe that every single settler will be in awe of The Dark Urge, a war criminal, a murderer and a former Bhaalspawn. I can't imagine no one would demand revenge, swift and brutal justice, that nobody would directly conflate Sszazar and the destruction of their home, the death of their friends, their lovers, their families. That everyone will be levelheaded, willing to forgive and forget, or downright clueless about his identity. Not everybody will be magnanimous like Alfira. Would Halsin choose to lie by omission or be truthful about his lover's bloody past? A commune built on such a massive lie won't withstand the revelation of this ugly secret.

Henceforth, people who suffered because of the cult will be exposed, day after day, to the sole surviving Absolute mastermind. The cause of their plight is their next-door neighbor. At first, it will surely go beyond petty disagreements. Some may leave and never return. Halsin's reputation may be tarnished since he loves and shelters a war criminal. He sold them his dream without the Dark Urge because he was persuaded to be unworthy of commitment and love.

All in all, I don't think his dream will crash and burn, but I believe the canon scenario forces the happy ending devoid of nuances upon the player. Truth be told, I imagine the commune will go through a rough patch, especially if the Dark Urge is present. I won't even talk about the logistical side of the commune. Tending the crops, buying tools, managing resources, so many details... With luck, Thaniel is a real powerhouse and can heal his realm in the blink of an eye. I doubt it.

Halsin's ending is, as depicted in game, a beautiful nightmare.

[09/15/24 - edited for clarity, grammar and to highlight that I hc Halsin's failures as temporary]

[handeaux]

For Most Of Cincinnati’s History Rats Outnumbered People, And We Fed Them Well

By 1920, the residents of Mount Adams had exhausted whatever was left of their patience. The storied hilltop community was overrun with rats and the residents blamed an unregulated dump underneath the rickety old Ida Street Bridge. The Mount Adams Welfare Association decided drastic measures were in order. They decided to kill them with fire.

Under the gaze of newspaper and motion-picture cameramen, the Welfare Association saturated the festering midden with more than 150 gallons of fuel oil and posted a brigade of club-wielding Boy Scouts on the perimeter. Shortly before 9:00 a.m. on Sunday, June 27, Ed Steinway, chief of the city’s Fire Prevention Bureau, signaled to his torch-bearing lieutenants, and the conflagration erupted. Despite audible squeaking, and the overpowering stench of burning flesh, few rats emerged from the blazing trash heap, although thousands of roaches scrambled for safety. Despite the few documented fatalities, the Association declared victory.

Rats came to Cincinnati with the European settlers and thrived in the nascent town. Charles Theodore Greve, in his 1904 “Centennial History of Cincinnati” describes an infestation during the 1830s:

“Another prominent merchant of early Main street was S. S. Smith, whose store in the late ‘thirties’ and early ‘forties’ was at the corner of Ninth and Main. He was a brother of the well known Sol Smith the comedian. He is credited with having surpassed the feat of St. Patrick in clearing the snakes from Ireland for he is said to have cleared the rats from Main street. These pestiferous animals had become a great pest and destroyed much property of the merchants. Finally Smith succeeded in capturing an enormous rat to whose neck after much labor and considerable excitement a small bell was attached by a chain. This was turning the tables on the rats who had once thought of belling the cat. The rest of the rats did not receive their old comer when he was let loose with favor and as he approached, fearing perhaps that some one had succeeded in belling the cat, they retired precipitately. After a short time no rats were seen or heard. Once in a while with a gentle tinkling of the bell the public were admonished that one at least was left. Finally this sound ceased and one day some workmen found the skeleton of the unfortunate rat with the bell still about its neck lying behind some barrels. It was suggested that it had died of grief from lack of companionship. The story is told that not a rat has been seen on Main street since, although the writer does not vouch for the truth of this tale.”

The estimable Charles Cist, in his 1845 book, “Cincinnati Miscellany, or Antiquities of the West,” relates the tale of a farmer who attempted an unsavory and underhanded method for disposing of his barnyard rodents:

“I am reminded of the circumstance by a rumpus kicked up in the 5th street market a few days since. It seems that a farmer from Colerain township brought in a lot of rats which he sold for squirrels a few market days since. They brought him five cents each. The affair leaked out in the neighborhood, and a man of the same name being accused with it, it almost occasioned a fight. I should like to know who bought these squirrels; that the problem might be solved whether public prejudice deprives us of an addition to the existing luxuries of our Cincinnati markets.”

Although we can blame our ancestors for encouraging rats through unsanitary practices, we must remember just how animal-dependent Cincinnati was back in the day. The city couldn’t function at all without thousands of horses dropping tons of manure and uneaten grain. Throughout the downtown basin, dairies housing hundreds of cows, breweries with mountains of grain, slaughterhouses spewing blood and offal and outdoor markets groaning under wagonloads of vegetables offered a banquet for vermin of all sorts. Cincinnati didn’t get its garbage collection act together until well into the Twentieth Century. Until then, rats were just part of daily life. The Cincinnati Enquirer [2 October 1909] reported the plight of a Corryville family:

“From R.H. Stuempel, of 2823 Euclid avenue, came a complaint to the Health Department yesterday that his house, which is next door to a stable, is overrun with rats, and that he and his family fear for their lives. ‘We have no official rat-catcher,’ said Clerk [Joseph M.] Ray, of the Health Department, ‘and I do not know what we will do in the matter.’”

Even eminent institutions like the City Hospital were confronted by rodent problems. According to the uncharacteristically poetic Cincinnati Commercial Tribune [8 April 1903]:

“Four members of the august Board of the City Hospital Trustees yesterday consumed much of the afternoon discussing rats. The report of the Superintendent handed them implied that the institution has rats in the garret, rats in the cellar, rats that are brown and rats that are yellow – they run through the wards, the patients annoy, and resist every effort their lives to destroy.”

The hospital attempted to evict the rodents by bringing in a nationally noted rat-catcher, “Professor” Louis Hirsch, who had earned a reputation by banishing rats from the White House. The Cincinnati Times-Star [27 March 1890] interviewed a local rat-catcher who boasted about capturing 34 rats from one of the local hotels. He planned to sell them to sportsmen, who trained dogs, particularly terriers, to kill rats. That was the solution adopted by the County Jail, according to the Cincinnati Post [26 April 1901]:

“Nellie, a fox terrier member of Jailer [Lewis] Kushman’s band of seven dogs, established a new rat-killing record at the jail Wednesday night, killing nine.”

That paled in comparison to Reuben Adams, a young boy employed as rat-catcher at the Cincinnati Abattoir Company, who, according to The Union newspaper [4 December 1920] had dispatched anywhere from 25 to 30 rats every day for five months.

Killing rats was a common sport in Cincinnati for many years. The Enquirer [12 February 1888] described Sunday morning hunts at a dump on Eighth Street out near the Millcreek. A local resident, a molder by the name of Mike Daly, watched the neighborhood dogs chase vermin for several weeks and decided to challenge the canines.

“His plan is to run after the frightened rat, and by a sudden swoop gather it up, catching it by the back of the neck. A swing of the arm and the rodent is dashed on the frozen ground to die of a badly broken up system within a minute. In one exhibition, lasting about two hours, he caught thirty-one rats.”

Well into the Twentieth Century, Cincinnati mayors would declare occasional “Rat-Killing Days” to enlist city residents in the effort to rid the city of the feral pests, but only a total change in lifestyle served to reduce the rodent population.

[queering-ecology]

Chapter 7. Polluted Politics? Confronting Toxic Discourse, Sex Panic and Eco-Normativity by Giovanna Di Chiro

“Stereotypes and lies lodge in our bodies as surely as bullets. They live and fester there, stealing the body.”—Eli Clare

Queer ecology as defined by Mortimer-Sandilands (2005, 24) “both about seeing beauty in the wounds of the world and taking responsibility to care for the world as it is”. (200)

Environmental justice constructs an eco-politics that defines the environment as our communities: the places where ‘we live, work, play, and learn’ (200). Environmental justice activists embrace inhabited/built places---cities, villages, reservations, agricultural fields, workplaces, poor and low-income neighborhoods next to hazardous industrial facilities as environments worthy of recognition and protection (Di Chiro 1996)

There has been rising environmental anxiety that surrounds cultural fears of exposure to chemical and endocrine-disrupting toxins especially as it relates to the troubling and destabilizing of normal/natural gendered bodies of humans and other animal species aka the “chemical castration” or the “feminization of nature” (Cadbury 1998; Hayes 2002)--rising fears that we are “swimming in a sea of estrogen” (Raloff 1994b, 56; Sumpter and Jobling 1995 173) as a consequence of rising levels of estrogenic, synthetic chemical compounds emitted into our water, air and food known as estrogenic pollution (ova-pollution). (201)

Pop-science warning about the ‘instability of maleness’—warns that the rising incidences of male-to-female gender shifts and intersex conditions observed in the ‘lower’ species of animals, such as frogs, fish, and salamanders, represent the newest ‘canaries in the coalmine’ portending an uncertain fate for human maleness and for the future of ‘normal’ sexual reproduction (Robert 2003) (201) also anti-toxins discourse has concerns about estrogenic chemical toxins disrupting/preventing/disturbing ‘normal’ prenatal physiological development and natural reproductive processes, leading to rising cases of infertility and producing disabled, defective, and even monstrous bodies (201)…

What can develop is a “sex panic” that resuscitates familiar heterosexist, queerphobic, and eugenics arguments classifying some bodies as not normal: mistakes, perversions, burdens (I would add ‘freaks’)…under the guise of laudable goal/progressive goals, a certain type of anti-toxics environmentalism mobilizes knowledge/power of normalcy and normativity and reinforces compulsory social-environmental order based on a dominant regime of what and who are constructed as normal and natural (Davis 1995; Garland-Thompson 1997; McRuer 2006).

Disability becomes an environmental problem and lgbtq people become disabled—the unintended consequences of a contaminated and impure environment, unjustly impaired by chemical trespass. (202) The true scope of the mortality and morbidity of POPs (persistent organic pollutants) becomes distorted by alarmist focus. This fixation ends up de-emphasizing and worse--naturalizing and normalizing other serious health problems associated with POPs that are on the rise: breast, ovarian, prostate and testicular cancers, neurological and neurobehavioral problems, immune system breakdown, heart disease, diabetes and obesity (202).

There is good reason for alarm concerning the continued use and accumulation of toxic chemicals that are wreaking havoc on the health and reproductive possibilities of the living world. Our cumulative exposures to endocrine disruptors, carcinogens, neurotoxins, asthmagens, and mutagens in our normal, everyday lives from our daily contact with plastic water bottles, shampoos, and kitchen cleaners to insect repellents, food preservatives, and factory farmed meats, among others, are most certainly putting at risk the health of our own bodies and our earth. (210) But where should the critical attention lie?

The hyperfocus on the world turning into hermaphrodites participates in a sexual titillation strategy summoning the familiar ‘crimes against’ nature’ credo and inviting culturally sanctioned homophobia while at the same time sidelining and naturalizing ‘normal’ environmental diseases such as cancer (211).

--

Environmental theory and politics in the US have historically mobilized ideas of the normal, to determine which  bodies and environments/landscapes embody the distinctly American values of productive work, rugged individualism, masculinity, independence, potency, and moral virtue upon which environmental advocacy movements should be based (Haraway 1989; Cronon 1991). Critical histories of U.S. environmentalism have revealed the capitalist, patriarchal, colonialist, heteronormative, eugenicist, and ableist histories underlying its “progressive” exterior (Boag 2003; Darnovky 1992; Evans 2002; Gaard 2004; Jaquette 2005; Sutter 2001).

Eco-normativity (or eco[hetero]normativity) appear in alarmist discourse in the anti-toxins arm of the environmental movement. Their alarm about contaminants effect on sex/gender appeals to preexisting cultural norms of gender balance, normal sexual reproduction and the balance of nature. The use of “anti-normal” “anti-natural” in antitoxins discourse is highly questionable and risks reinforcing the dominant social and economic order (the forces actually responsible for environmental destruction and toxic contamination of all our bodies and environments) by naturalizing the multiple injustices that shore it up”…and thus creates what the author terms, polluted politics.

[slasherparty]

Hello! I would like to request a match-up for when you have the time! Prepare for a long description (sorry in advance)

My name is Jay, I'm a gay trans man. I also have a laundry list of mental health issues (Adhd, social and generalized anxiety, depression, sensory issues to name the most prevalent). I'm very specific about physical touch (sometimes I crave it, other times I despise even the idea of it). I also have issues with sudden loud noises, but I love loud music (I can control that) I have communication issues, meaning i don't entirely know how to show how much I appreciate people and I also don't know how to communicate my feelings or thoughts properly, either nothing comes out or it all comes out jumbled (give me patience and time though and I'll get it out eventually though!). Validation is something I kinda need a LOT of, though I tend too keep my thoughts and feelings inside untill it blows up into a meltdown.

I'm very sarcastic as a person. Dry humor is my forte. I enjoy relaxing and going to concerts/festivals (even though noise is a big sensory issue for me, I still enjoy attending them), creating art, and playing the drums. I like all things horror, and i am a massive metalhead. I also enjoy acting. Im an aspiring actor. I also have a love for animals. I speak English and a little bit of German.

Physically, im basically a pale twig. I'm about 5'4" and quite skinny and very pale (kinda like a vampire, lol). I do not have just one style of dress that I adhere to. I can dress in alternative fashion, vampire Gothic, Grunge, or basic metalhead attire.

I'm sorry if that was too much information, im a very specific person if it wasn't abundantly clear, but I hope this will do you well. I just love your work. Thank you!

thanks for the request!! i got immediate inspiration — thank you for being so thorough! 💛

without further ado… i pair you with michael myers (rob zombie edition)!!

why it works…💭

michael’s silence is a steadfast void, a canvas for your jumbled emotions to unfurl. he doesn’t demand words, and his eternal quiet carries a validation of its own. your eventual articulation — be it slow, messy, or explosive — would be met with his unsettling yet steady patience.

you, with your distaste for sudden, uncontrollable noises, might find unexpected solace in michael’s deliberate, methodical way of moving through the world. his every step is precise, almost rhythmic, a metronome that mirrors the thrum of your own heartbeat.

though michael is stoic to the point of unnerving, his blank mask offers an irresistible setup for your dry wit. imagine quipping to a man who never blinks — humor thrives in the silence where awkwardness would typically fester.

as an aspiring actor, you might appreciate the irony of performing for michael — a slasher who watches with a predator’s intensity. the attention is validating in its own twisted way, a gaze that never looks away, though it might fluster you.

your love of horror would resonate with michael’s very existence, as he embodies the genre you adore. he would silently admire your appreciation for the macabre, finding kinship in your fascination with darkness.

your alternative and gothic style would pair almost poetically with michael’s eternal, monochromatic uniform. together, you’d look like a horror film’s marketing poster brought to life. being prone to grungy styles himself, you may even convince him to wear a few of your concert tees or ripped pants.

when you crave touch, michael’s almost mechanical stillness would provide a controlled, consistent form of physical presence. when touch is unwelcome, you won’t have much of a problem setting that boundary, as it takes persuasion to get michael to express the most basic of intimacy to begin with.

you, being a metalhead, might find a strange kind of excitement in michael’s soundtrack-worthy killings — slow, relentless, and impactful, much like a doom-metal song given human form.

at concerts and festivals, michael’s towering and intimidating presence would ensure you feel protected. he wouldn’t flinch at loud music or chaotic environments, standing steadfastly by your side so you could enjoy the experience fully.

michael would appreciate your creativity, watching with silent fascination as you bring your art and music to life. whether you’re making art, drumming, or performing, he would quietly recognize the passion and individuality you pour into your work.

while your love for animals might clash with michael’s cold indifference toward life, his history with animal violence would likely be tempered by your sharp wit and strong personality. you would be the only person bold enough to say, “Leave the cat alone, Michael,” and somehow, he’d listen.

michael’s actions speak louder than words, and his quiet but absolute protectiveness would provide you with the validation and reassurance you need. his devotion would be unshakable, making you feel seen and appreciated without the need for frequent verbal affirmation.

in the quiet, eerie pockets of your companionship, something haunting and strangely fulfilling could grow — a connection as sharp as a blade and as fragile as breath in the cold.

thanks for participating in a matchup! 💌

you can find more of my writing here on ao3!

[amberbeach]

'POWER COUPLE'

gif belongs to me

There were many reasons Kimberly envied Trini's relationship. You always found time to communicate, if something upset you, you would discuss it instead of letting it fester. You always found time for each other, between the different clubs you joined, and dating a Ranger had it's own problems - it wasn't uncommon for a date to be interrupted by Rita's monsters but your relationship remained strong. And you always supported each other in everything you did.

When Trini was called forth by Miss Applebee to play her video project, you smiled and clapped your hands.

"Whoo!" You cheered, cupping your hands around your mouth.

You knew better than anyone how much effort she put into it as you aided her with recording footage.

"My video project is called Pollution Problems In Angel Grove."

You leaned back in your chair, fiddling with your pencil as you watched the video, meeting Trini's gaze and sending her a smile. When the short video ended, she removed the tape from the player and returned it to the cardboard sleeve.

"Very nice job, Trini." Miss Applebee praised, sending her a smile before addressing the class. "Pollution is a serious concern to our society."

"I couldn't agree more." Billy spoke up, "I am deeply concerned about the eco-logical ramifications of ozone depletion, acid rain, deforestation and the loss of our soils."

You nodded your head as he spoke, looking over at Kimberly when she agreed. "Yeah, you're right." She turned to Trini, "So what can we do to help beautify our city?"

Trini stepped forward, placing her hands on your desk, "I want to start a clean-up club. One day a week we can do some recycling, clean up nature trails or even count animals that are endangered." She stepped back, placing her palms together.

"Yeah!" Billy nodded.

"Count me in." Jason added.

"Sounds cool." Zack replied.

"Totally." Kimberly agreed.

Trini's gaze fell on you and you sent her a smile. "A chance to spend some time with you and help the planet? Sounds good." She mirrored your smile and you nudged your friend who was sitting next to you.

He quickly agreed to join and you grinned as you looked at Trini, your eyes following her as she took the seat next to you. She leaned over to your table, sending you a smile.

"I want to thank you for all your help." She began, "We make a really great team."

You mirrored her smile, "Yeah, we do."

Kimberly's eyes danced between you both. She never knew until that moment that a simple smile could convey so much love and admiration. You really were the power couple of Angel Grove who could do it all.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

When people say they enjoy things, they usually mean one of two things. The first is that these things are fun; that is, they satisfy immediate emotional needs or desires for pleasure. Candy Crush is fun, for people who are into that sort of thing; waterslides are fun, watching TV is fun. Fun, in the way I'm defining it for this post, is the party food of pleasure; immediately and usually temporarily satisfying, and after that, mostly satisfying only as a happy memory (although some of these activities, like watching a TV show, can generate further opportunities for pleasure down the line like daydreaming, discussion, and making fanart). Like party food, this kind of fun is a good thing to have, and someone who doesn't get enough of it is at high risk of stress-related health concerns. Also burnout. A lack of fun is a major contributor to burnout.

The second kind of pleasure that most people talk about is rewarding activity. The lack of rewarding activity in one's life is a major contributor to depression. It creates a sense of purposelessness and worthlessness and generates a low attention span, sapping the ability to feel long-term motivation or pleasure. People usually try to pick themselves up with the first kind of fun, which is a band-aid but not a very sticky one; the lack of rewarding activity grows and festers over time. Rewarding pleasure involves working on something long-term that feels worthwhile. There are usually also spots of fun (or you wouldn't have gotten into the activity enough for it to become rewarding), but there also tends to be long slogs that aren't that fun. Nevertheless, when people report on doing said activity, they will speak about it with great enjoyment and remember it being enjoyable and claim they like it. (I like being a writer. Writing can sometimes be boring as shit.) (Look into Csíkszentmihályi's work on experience sampling and flow states for more info on this, it is FASCINATING.)

In Reality is Broken, Jane McGonigal sums up what she thinks are the most important contributing factors to rewarding activity. These are not the only factors, but I agree that they're a good baseline of the critical ones. I'm going to paraphrase them using different language. The four big contributors are:

Satisfying work. This is the vaguest one because different people find different things satisfying. Basically, the task itself should feel productive, and you should not feel bad about doing it to the point where it causes you distress. Satisfying work involves clear goals with actionable steps and a clear product, preferably something that you can see, touch or use. A clean house, a new high score, a freshly built table, a happy child.

Mastery. Rewarding pleasure is often something that you can get better at. There are things to learn, practice, improve. Improving your ability to solve tricky code problems, getting better at painting landscapes, figuring out fun new strategies in Magic: The Gathering, being able to build computers better or faster or cheaper. Mastery does not require becoming the best at something (although some people enjoy that specifically also), merely seeing progress in yourself and being able to take pride int he fact that you are better than you were.

Social connection. Rewarding pleasure often involves social or community connection. A long-term social group that discusses fan theories of their favourite show. Your weekly tabletop rpg. Teaching a room full of kids who to make leather belts. Working at a small bookshop and making small talk with all the tourists. Some people find social activity to be fun in the 'immediate pleasure' kind of way, some don't, but it is a critical factor in mental health and in the long-term... rewardingness (?)... of a hobby. Animals can also partially fill this niche, but be warned, they are far, far less effective than people. Your cat might be able to stop you from committing suicide today. You cat alone will not make your life satisfying.

Contribution. Humans are community animals and have a need to be something larger than ourselves or, more specifically to be of service to something larger than ourselves. Looking after kids, cooking big meals for others, creating art or physical products for others. Teaching the next generation how to read. Serving your God. Saving a species of small fish from extinction. Volunteering at your local charity shop or soup kitchen. Being a member of a crowd to reach the Guinness World Record for "most people fit into a storage crate". Making useful tutorial videos, being an entertainer, joining your local queer support group or political organisation. Humans fucking love to be part of something bigger than their own brain and they fucking love to help people.

The world is full of rewarding activities, and not all of them rate high in all four categories. The woman working in the charity shop warehouse and chatting with her coworkers isn't necessarily all that interested in mastery of her job (although I've worked in these places and some people do take pride in learning to be as efficient as possible), the musical hermit training to become the best violinist in the world might not be all that interested in social connection or how the audience actually feels about him. You might have noticed that I've listed hobbies, jobs, and non-employed but important life work (volunteering and childrearing) as possible rewarding activities; you can find rewarding activities everywhere. (In fact the lack of rewarding pleasure in our work lives is a very serious problem that companies keep trying to condescendingly band-aid over. The late David Graeber had a lot to say about this and I highly recommend his work, particularly Bullshit Jobs, which is a book specifically discussing the lack of above points 1 and 4 (satisfying work and sense of contribution) in so many modern workplaces and its distressing psychological ramifications). Rewarding activities are not 'fun' all the time; in fact, Csíkszentmihályi's work found that many of them are quite unfun most of the time. They do, however, create long term pleasure, and are emotionally and psychologically critical.

One final point: research shows that computer stuff counts less. This isn't a 'hurr durr edison was a witch get off your damn computers and get a real job' point; plenty of people do most of their rewarding activity on computers, because the supply cost is so low (most of us already own some kind of computer) and it's so much easier to find an existing community. But it does, psychologically speaking, count less; your brain isn't very good at seeing computers stuff as as 'real', on a primitive sensory level, as things you can touch with your hands or people that are right in front of you. Your massive community of fellow fans on the internet are less effective at filling your social needs than the crochet club at your local library, even if you like the people on the internet much more. It doesn't have to be everything, but ideally you should have at least one physical meatspace social club and at least one physical meatspace hobby, craft, or volunteer job. (They can be the same thing. You can volunteer at a soup kitchen for both.) They don't have to be the most important thing -- I care way more about my writing (electronic) than my crochet (meatspace) and I do the writing a lot more -- but the meatspace thing should exist, if you can manage it.

I think people get mixed up a lot about what is fun and what is rewarding. These are two very different kinds of pleasure. You need to be able to tell them apart because if you don't have a balanced diet of both then it will fuck you up, and I mean that in a "known cause of persistent clinical depression" kind of way.

[binbidet]

Thwarting the Garbage Critters of Southern Indiana with a Local Trash Can Cleaning Service

Southern Indiana, especially in Clark and Harrison counties, is known for its picturesque hilly, wooded areas. However, these beautiful landscapes also mean an abundance of wildlife, many of which are attracted to the smells and scraps festering in your trash cans. 

Critters rummaging through your garbage can create a mess and pose several health and safety risks. 

Here’s a look at the common local critters, the problems they cause, and how a local trash can cleaning service can help keep them at bay.

Common Local Critters Attracted to Trash

Raccoons: Raccoons are notorious for their dexterity and intelligence. They can easily open unsecured trash cans, making a meal out of your waste. Once they discover a food source, they tend to return, bringing along more raccoons.

Opossums: Opossums are scavengers and often turn to trash bins for an easy meal. While generally less destructive than raccoons, they can still create a mess and potentially spread diseases through their droppings.

Stray Cats and Dogs: Stray animals, including cats and dogs, are attracted to the smell of food in trash cans. They can tear through bags and scatter waste, leading to a bigger cleanup job and more persistent odor issues.

Rats and Mice: Rodents are drawn to the food scraps in your trash bins. They not only make a mess but also pose significant health risks as they can carry and transmit diseases.

Why Creatures Getting into Trash is Bad

Health Risks: Animals rummaging through trash can spread diseases through their droppings and saliva. Rodents, in particular, are known carriers of diseases such as leptospirosis and hantavirus.

Mess and Odor: Critters can tear open trash bags, scattering waste across your yard. This not only creates an unsightly mess but also exacerbates odor problems, attracting even more pests.

Property Damage: Persistent animal activity around trash bins can lead to property damage. Animals like raccoons can damage bins, requiring frequent replacements and repairs.

Environmental Impact: Scattered trash can contribute to environmental pollution, affecting local wildlife and waterways. Ensuring your trash is contained and bins are clean helps mitigate this impact.

How a Local Trash Can Cleaning Service Can Help

Creatures are attracted to your bins by built up smells and residue. Here’s how to combat this and keep critters far away from your trash cans and your property.

Regular Cleaning and Sanitization: A local trash can cleaning service provides regular cleaning and sanitization of your bins. This removes all of the nastiness that attracts critters, making your trash less appealing to wildlife.

High-Pressure Washing: Using high-pressure washing, these services can effectively clean your bins. This method uses less water compared to traditional cleaning methods, conserving resources while providing a deep clean.

Eco-Friendly Products: Local trash can cleaning services often use eco-friendly cleaning products. These products eliminate odors and bacteria without harming the environment, providing a safer option for both your family and local wildlife.

Proper Wastewater Disposal: Professional cleaning services ensure that dirty water is disposed of responsibly, preventing pollutants from entering local waterways and sewer systems. This helps maintain the environmental health of your community: Clark and Harrison counties.

Convenient Scheduling: By aligning their services with your trash collection schedule, local cleaning companies make it easy to maintain clean bins without extra effort on your part. They handle the dirty work, so you don’t have to.

Finding a Local Trash Can Cleaning Service

Living in the beautiful, rural areas of Southern Indiana comes with peace and proximity to nature. But it also has its challenges, particularly when it comes to keeping wildlife out of your trash. 

By employing a local trash can cleaning service, you can significantly reduce the appeal of your bins to local critters. Bin Bidet is a locally-owned business that exclusively serves Clark and Harrison counties. They provide regular trash can cleaning using eco-friendly practices that are designed to repel critters and keep your bins clean  and your home a sanctuary.

[mossmagus]

kindness

Existence itself is unkind not in that it aims for suffering but that it cannot inherently be kind. To exist is to consume. To exist is to cause suffering.

By taking a job it is robbed from another. By eating, something is killed. Making a home means destroying an area that was once alive - digging up roots, hollowing a living tree, clearing brush.

The goal therefore is not elimination of suffering, but it's mitigation. Aiming to be kind. Eat that which is killed with the least amount of suffering. Use things that have the least negative impact upon the world. Reuse things as much as possible. Give back when able. Protest wars, protect the rights of those around you, plant things simply for the benefit of pollinators. Spread leaf cover on the ground in spots that lack it during the cold so the bugs and grasses do not die over winter. Support animal conservation efforts. Plant a small food forest for yourself instead of working with traditional home gardening. Use natural materials as much as physically possible. Educate yourself.

But this never ending list of "ways to be better" can be weaponized just as easily as it is used to do good. A combination of immaturity, lack of life experience, and changing humanity has lead to a problem of performative kindness. Film yourself crying so people know you're a real person who has a life just as deep as theirs. Speak about something that others are talking about or be accused of not caring and being a bad person. Make sure to agree with the most prevalent opinion of the time or be criticized incessantly by people who won't recognize your humanity. Make sure you cater to those who will assume your intent behind words or a sentence like the last one will get people saying "but what about nazis? what about x, y, z?" and then be accused of supporting them or being one and getting sent death threats and getting doxed.

The goal is kindness. Kind people know others have feelings and lives and relationships just as deep as their own. Kind people do not assume the worst of others. Kind people know that people are flawed and bursts of emotion can make people say things they genuinely do not mean or want. Kind people allow others to make mistakes and learn from them. Kind people understand that something does not have to be explicitly stated to be true. Kind people make small concessions because there are more important things in relationships and the world than refusing to understand what a person meant by "kind people make small concessions".

And then there are those that are proud to be petty. They are proud to refuse to let things go. They are proud to allow negativity to fester and they are proud to cause it. They do not wish the world to be a better place because they themselves are hurt and are either refusing to deal with it or they cannot deal with it. If the world moves on then what about the pain that was caused to them? Holding onto something only hurts yourself until you decide to weaponize it, which is the cycle of abuse. To be kind is to let go of the pain or to recognize it in others and not take it personally. To be kind isn't to forget but to give another chance to be better. To be kind is to communicate the pain and let them meet you with apologies. To be kind is to remain open to an apology and growth.

To be kind is to be kind to yourself as much as others. To achieve the best for all things you can touch without running yourself thin. Aiming for real possible changes for those near and far. To be kind is to realize there are enough people to touch everything. To be kind is to understand that there are enough people in the world for each aspect to have a dedicated group. Donating here and there and spreading awareness is enough. Focusing on a problem doesn't make someone a bad person. They aren't ignoring everything else. They aren't pretending it's not happening. They're not supporting it. Kindness is both big and small. A single dollar is kind. A thousand of them isn't somehow more kind, more moral, or more deserving. 1 is greater than 0 and that is enough.

To be kind is to be nuanced.

[notmuchtoconceal]

That was delicious. Sometimes I listen to you without any of goal of obtaining you or anything. I just enjoy listening for the sake of hearing a new thought. I'm not as crazy and obsessive as I make myself out to be. Sometimes. Frankly, I hope whoever he is, he's getting mad, too. He sounds like he deserves it! We can appreciate it together. Thanks for sharing!

My pleasure, bud.

As a more sincere response to your last (and near-simultaneous) ask, I'd like to further elaborate that belief in psychic supremacy, which is to say -- the bloated corpse of materialism is the festering ideological whale carcass we're currently eating our way out of -- is why I myself am Actually Humble (tm) because I can't take sole authorship of anything.

When I think of you, or the otter, or the adorable german boy, or Our Toxic King (worthy of capitals, throw roid needles into the air as you honor his marriage procession to himself), or like .... y'know, anybody else I'm highly psychically resonant with, like meine Schwesterfrau or Good Drone Boy, Service is King or Bobby Vinton is Not the Polish Prince, You Are (You Know Who You Are) ... um my petnames are footnotes inserted into the text, as though icefloats in an eternal current, like ... what I mostly feel is that I can respond so quickly, for in fact the person speaking to me (your last great barrier wall of text had much of this quality, indeed) because we've been mutually collaborating on the problem invisibly and at a distance for the entire duration of our separation, and now our communication is simply a brief dispatch into conscious awareness to square things on the topmost layer of the psychic edifice. As though writing things down to be read is simply crossing the last few T's or Dotting the I's on a signature to seal the completion of a work.

It's that feeling behind why you sometimes see lengthy acknowledgements sections at the front of academic works.

I always feel the gratitude of these displays is real and deserved, because honestly man -- the more eyes on a text the better. Human beings are fine-tooth machines the likes of which could never be adequately replaced. The sophistication of human consciousness is truly divine, we are so much more than machines. Yet, also -- I can't help but feel there's also a twinge of desperation at the same time. I dunno. It feels either like someone covertly wants to hide behind others, or like... maybe the cultural attitudes we have ingrained towards authorship as something sole and sacred makes this look simpy. Like someone's a little kid who couldn't make it on their own.

Since both of these attitudes feel unrealistic, and I realize we can't realistically expect surface-level reasoned arguments to change years of hard-wired animal conditioning, I think the best way to make subtle progression once you can isolate the dilemma is simply to change the medium in accordance with a higher value and let the change be invisible and inevitable. It makes sense that we have an attitude as author as sole or primary owner and creator of a work. Someone, you might say, is the primary herald of the vision. There are also others who contribute meaningfully and perhaps even drastically, in ways which may be difficult to detect. There's also the real nuts and bolts assistance of proofreading, editing, beta readers (i am so stupid to not have readers who are betas being my beta readers, god what am i doing. DM me with examples of your work and photos of you on your knees, head down, if you wanna sign up for my faggot erotica workshop.)

I feel the work ought speak for itself and the experience with the text the primary point of consideration. I also think the proper time to show gratitude is after delivery. A list of people who you care for, cumbersomely inserted at the front of the text, scratches an itch and shows not only gratitude, but gives public recognition. I often feel that being harangued or hurried into giving thanks in ways which feel unnatural to me often leave me preferring to detach. I'd rather come to understandings with people than feel coerced into serving them. With lengthy acknowledgements, I feel it's best to say ... well, the author is more properly a conductor. He controls streams, be they of traffic, time, gulfs or speech. The work is a coalescence of controlled effort. It's not any different from weaving, in a sense. One did not necessarily construct the material of the thread (unless one has the uterus of a spider) but one is moving it to and fro, to and through itself, making things tangible and solid, both a net and web, a thing which is a structure and a trap.

With that in mind, I think the best place for lengthy acknowledgements is after the text, functioning like a proper credits sequence.

[sapphiresaphics]

You’re right. It is polite to do that. But it’s also… I dunno… kinda boring? And it often doesn’t push the story forward.

Let’s look at it this way: We know that initially they planned on several additional seasons and ultimately were only given 2. We don’t know when that cut back was dictated to them from up on high, but it’s very easy to assume it happened sometime between season 1 and 2’s production. Very likely after most of season 1’s setup had already been finished and animated.

And, given how little time they had available to them for season 2, they opted instead to focus on ways to communicate this stuff non-verbally most of the time and to trust that we, as smart intelligent viewers, can piece together stuff ourselves.

They have a grand total of 18 episodes in total for this entire show. There are other shows that have double that number for just one season. Time is of the essence and every frame costs hundreds of dollars. So if it’s not really relevant it goes on the cutting room floor. Arcane is nothing if not EFFICIENT with its storytelling. And that’s a stylistic choice the creators have made.

And let’s not forget this doesn’t just exist around Caitlyn. Vi never apologizes for punching Powder as a kid. She apologizes for leaving and calling her a Jinx, but never for punching her. Vi also punches Isha. It’s an accident, but she still never apologizes for that either. Ekko never apologizes for kidnapping Vi and Caitlyn. Jinx never apologizes for killing Ekko’s friends. Jayce never apologizes for killing a child. Ambessa never apologizes for slapping Mel. Heimerdinger never apologizes for letting the undercity’s problems fester for so long. Mel never really apologizes for using Jayce and Viktor as investments. The list goes on. So WHY is it ONLY on Caitlyn in these critiques about the show?

A couple more little quibbles and distinctions:

Vi was never forced to become an enforcer. When Caitlyn asks her to become an enforcer, Vi turns her down. It’s not until after Caitlyn almost dies during the memorial attack does Vi reconsider the offer. And she doesn’t do it because she was pressured into it, she does it because she wants to keep Caitlyn safe. The only thing Vi trusts are her fists. If she’s there, she can take care of Jinx while also protecting the woman she loves. Even if it means putting on the Enforcer uniform.

Also, Vi doesn’t care about Zaun all that much. She never fought for the city. In fact, she has been actively hostile towards Zaun since Season 1. Let’s not forget that she went in performing vigilante Justice and got a kid killed in the process. Her goal has always been to protect her family, and that means people like Jinx and Caitlyn.

As for the “I’m sorry I was wrong?” Caitlyn DOES that. It’s just non-verbally. See, when Caitlyn has Jinx locked up she doesn’t know what to do with her. She has seen first hand that Jinx can be trusted. She is not the maniacal raving lunatic that killed her mother anymore. She has changed. She tries to talk to Jinx, but that doesn’t help her make a decision.

So she lets Vi choose. She intentionally leaves the prison empty of guards and allows Vi to steal the keys to free her sister. She has no guarantee that she will ever see Vi again, and she suspects that Vi and Jinx will just run away together. That’s why when she goes down there and finds Vi locked in the cell instead of Jinx, she knows what happened. And when Vi is at her lowest, thinking she betrayed Caitlyn by going behind her back to free Jinx against her wishes, Caitlyn tells her “no, I let you do this. Because I give up on hating your sister. You are more important to me than my hatred of Jinx and you should be free to make your own decisions about who you get to love.”

That’s WHY Vi jumps on Caitlyn in the prison cell. Caitlyn just told her that she was giving up stoking the flames of the fire that tore them apart. This is akin to a loved one giving up alcohol or smoking or going to therapy or basically tossing aside their abusive habits because their love for their partner is more important to them than their vices. That was like the BIGGEST apology Caitlyn could ever give Vi. No amount of “I’m sorry” does THAT justice.

I get it, you wanted her to SAY the words. But the show doesn’t do that. The show is a VISUAL show and ACTIONS speak louder than words ever could. So Arcane does Caitlyn’s apology through her actions. To assume the worst in Caitlyn after such a grand gesture is kinda silly IMO.

No disrespect, I just find a lot of this stuff to be kinda nitpicky. The show is a visual show. It tells its narrative visually. It always has. It always will. Demanding Caitlyn say “sorry” when no one else ever does and ignoring that she performs one of the greatest acts of love you could give a partner is frustrating to say the least.

“Caitlyn never apologizes for her actions so how do we know she’s remorseful of them?”

Well you see… when Caitlyn gets asked if she likes men or women by Vi, we never get an answer from Caitlyn there either. But then later in the episode we SEE her behaving differently and flirting with a woman. So that answers our question for us. We don’t need to hear her say “I’m a lesbian” or “I like girls” because the show SHOWS us that she likes girls.

Often times if you have a concern like this, it IS addressed in the show. Just not in blatantly obvious and vocal ways. You actually need to pay attention.

So like… yea, we don’t really hear Caitlyn say outright “I feel remorse for my actions” but there’s like a MOUNTAIN of evidence (Kirammountains worth haha) that show she feels this way. From her confrontational arguments with Ambessa, to her pointing a gun at singe, to her sneaking around tracking singe, to her betraying Ambessa, to her shouting “I know!” when confronted by Vi, to her saying to Jinx “hating you I’ve hated myself,” to her ultimately letting Vi free her sister thus proving to Vi that she’s letting her hatred for Jinx go, to her sad “are you still in this fight, Violet?” at the end of the show… using the context clues the characters provide through facial acting and body language we can TELL that she’s remorseful.

Imagine that!

[rinphoria]

Shoto Todoroki 🤍

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒 - 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐈 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐎

a relationship with todoroki is a breath of fresh air. he can be vulnerable around you, let his guard down because he doesn’t feel the need to prove himself to you. he doesn’t have expectations to live up to in this relationship, which is a refreshing change from what he’s used to. he isn’t exhausted or worn out around you, in fact, he’s more animated in your presence. he openly talks about his interests and emotions with you, as he feels no need to keep them from you. communication comes easily with you. there’s no dancing around subjects or pretending things didn’t happen—no room for problems fester into uncontrollable issues. he’s accepting of your affections, holding you tight when you hug him, squeezing your hand when yours and his are joined, and letting out soft sighs when your fingers run through his hair. the smile that rarely makes an appearance around others is is almost always plastered on his face. even though the things he experiences in this relationship are starkly contrast what he’s accustomed to, he wouldn’t trade your love for anything in the world. shoto is beyond happy to not feel suffocated when he’s with you.

[lynd3w]

I swear to god I don't wanna hear another subs only cunt complain about the patriarchy line from the dragon maid dub again. If you read a lot of older Manga, you end up having to read a fan-translation or two at some point and I just had to read, wimp, dweeb, freakzoid, and the r slur in a fucking juji ito book. You're seriously telling me that you think one of the masters of horror couldn't come up with a better word to describe a strange girl than "freakzoid?" And it doesn't stop there. The older you go back in touhou fanworks, the more you see slurs directed towards Hong Meiling. Most of the time Japanese creators would just call her China, which is incredibly racist. But some of the fan-translations will call her more us centric slurs for Chinese people. Every aspect of online anime or Manga interaction seems to have been birthed from the alt-right festering hate whole of 4 Chan, but none of you seem to give a shit about that. Hell there's still a huge fascist problem in the touhou community, and from what we've seen of vtubers the past few weeks, that and pedophilia seem to go hand in hand with the more popular ones. Yet that's never a problem. Fucking choke on my dick you absolute wastes of air

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

hi i love your kiddo HCs sm!!! May i ask of one where reiner and his f!s/o get into a fight and the kids try and help them make up bc they're sad when they see you sad

Hey! I'm happy you like them💛 and of course I'd love to do that.

You get in an argument with Reiner and his cousins try to fix things

{ Reiner x reader | tw:arguments | angst with comfort, drama, fluff | modern }

{ Sunset on the Seashore by Vartan Makhokhian 1869-1937 }

Zofia's the first to sense that something is wrong. The air between you and Reiner being too tense, avoiding eye contact or talking to each other in general. Only putting up an act whenever one of them talks to you both, as if you're only acting nice to each other in front of them

The next to notice was Falco, it isn't like you two to not sit next to each other or act unaffactionate. He started getting a bit worried when your usual playfulness and lovey dovey sides didn't show at all.

Udo observed how unusually down Reiner seemed, it reminded him of how he'd act in the past before you came, unfocused and out of reach, as if something keeps replaying in a loop in his mind.

People couldn't just fall out of love this fast so...what's wrong?

Gabi didn't notice anything at all actually, she was too invested in her chips bag. Smiling proudly to herself after convincing Falco to buy the spicy hot kind knowing fully well he couldn't handle it, and so he gave it to her.

It wasn't until you and Reiner leave the room, that the other three began talking sharing their theories while she watched. That's when it clicked and now recalling how you too acted, you really do seem strange huh.

Reiner always seemed following you as if he wants to say something, but whenever he'd open his mouth no words would come out. Gabi thought he was acting weird.

It was almost dinner time, you and Reiner went to cook something for the kids before Colts picks them up. Both of you silently deciding to cook together and then resume your game of avoidance.

Your brain keeps bringing back random moments from the argument you two had mere hours ago, some harsh words you said, the way Reiner put a lot space between you whenever you got close.

Things you said, things you've done in anger and frustration.

Sensitive topics Reiner brought up from the grave, saying both of you got really emotional is an underestimation.

Why did it happen in the first place...well, it's because you wanted to help. Help Reiner with the something he's been avoiding facing for a while.

You knew it could go south fast, but goddammit you couldn't just watch the love of your life spiral into a hole of his own making just because he let it fester long enough to swallow him whole.

But one topic followed the other, the main problem forgatton as defensive words and denying facts took over.

The sizzling of the whatever Reiner is cooking on the stove brings you back to reality, it smells good. Goddammit his food always smell good but you can't tell him that because you're still angry.

But isn't anger just hurt sadness who didn't get the comfort it needed?

The atmosphere is uncomfortable, both of you cooking in silence, barely acknowledging the other or talking. Thankful to your brain for being on autopilot while you were cutting vegetables, all your fingers intact.

Reiner steals glances at you from time to time, deep in his own head. He wants to apologise, he truly does but he stops himself each time, instead drowning in guilt as it bubbles up his chest burning his throat.

He scolds himself for getting so defensive, you ment well and you knew that. So what ticked off his brain to go in defence mode?

Maybe it's the way you phrased things that hit an insecurity he had...he knows he isn't good at confronting problems but he's trying and it's just too painful to look at reality as it is.

Well look at where that got him now.

A sigh leaves his lips, you look at him. Both of you staring at each other, unlike the previous frustration and anger your eyes held, now it's filled with...exhaustion and tiredness.

Sadness resurfacing back, regret and guilt following it.

He wonders how'd react if he held your hand right now, would you push him away? Or pull him closer...he takes a deep breath, licking his lips before speaking

"Could you...uh, pass me the salt" was all that managed to come out.

There's that look of disappointment in your eyes, he looks away. Frustrated with himself and the stupid salt shaker.

Neither of you aware to the four pairs of eyes watching your every movement through a crack in the door.

"Wow...they're like robots" Udo says.

From under him, where Zofia's head was "more like Zombies, at least Robots have some form of communication" she said.

Falco was attempting to get closer to the door without opening it, "Do we really have to stand by height? I can barely see anything."

" you think you have it bad?" Gabi was attempting to push their combined weight off, "I'm being crushed by gaints here."

After they retreat, a discussion about how to get you two to talk begins, Gabi suggest locking you in a room together under the threat of violence.

Zofia thinks putting one of you in fatal danger is the key to opening up. Udo wonders if a trip to the hospital from food poisoning will make you two bond more.

Finally, it's Falco who suggests reminding you both about the good times and memories you have with each other.

The other three reluctantly agree to his idea

Tha plan is set to action when dinner is served, they make sure to hog all the chairs so you and Reiner are forced to sit next to each other.

Whatever empty chairs you had left, Udo put his plush toys in and Zofia's limited edition collection dolls. Yeah it did invovle bribing.

So now you're having dinner with four children and four animal plushies and the monkey one keeps giving you weird looks.

Gabi brings up the beach trip that you took them to before, saying how she missed playing volleyball and the beach. You remember Reiner helping you with sunscreen and carrying the sleeping kids back to the car.

Falco talks about how their english teacher is decorating the class for  valentine's day....Oh right it's right around the corner, didn't Reiner bake you a cake last valentine's. It was your favourite flavor, really delicious.

Udo offers to help you with the dishes after. While handing him plates to dry, he tells you how much Reiner talks about you when they text.

"He brings you up whenever something reminds him of you" he says, "he really seems to like talking about you."

...he does, huh.

You look at him, in the living room currently getting his ass kicked by Zofia and Gabi in Mortal Kombat.

Falco seems to tell him something that makes him smile, looking at you after.

And without realising it, you're smiling too.

[The four of them share a look, before Udo pulls you to play with them and Reiner.

You sit next to each other, he holds his hand out.

...you take his hand, he pulls you closer.

Just as Zofia and Gabi have their second win against him, Falco and Udo take the controler and steal his turn.

He doesn't mind, instead focusing his attention on you. "You know that I love you no matter what, right?" He whispers in your ear.

[holdharmonysacred]

Man I am thinking about VnC again since the anime is making me revisit the start of the series and that is a hell of a thing to contrast with the current arc of the manga, and some thoughts I’ve got right now are

1. Everyone keeps passing around the panels from the current arc of Noe flashing back to his first meeting with Vanitas, and while it’s fun to see everyone go “Noe is remembering Vanitas in a super positive, idealized light” for shipping purposes, it does completely miss a huge part of the point of the flashback. The original scene in chapter 1 shows Vanitas immediately after his speech looking like he’s about ready to gleefully murder someone in a revenge plot, so the fact that Noe’s flashback leaves that part out and frames Vanitas in a more idealized light is meant to reinforce that Noe’s gotten so wrapped up in his Absolute Bro Friendship (and maybe crush if you want to read it that way) with Vanitas that he’s forgotten all the red flags and signs of “Oh wait, Vanitas is kinda fucked up actually” that have been there since minute one that have led to the current arc’s big fight in the first place. (Though with that said, I 100% do not blame Noe for not noticing the red flags of “oh wait there’s something wrong here”, big Same Hat to that actually, this whole Thing is more of an-out-of story issue where it’s the readers who should see what’s up)

and

1. Going back to that first meeting again, as funny as it is to see Vanitas start this big grand recruitment speech only for Noe to hit him with an “Absolutely the fuck Not”, leading to Vanitas just trying to continue out of shock because he has no idea how to respond to a hard “No” answer, I think that right there is another big problem in Vanitas and Noe’s relationship that has festered to the point where the current arc is happening. Vanitas started things off thinking that he’s in charge in the relationship and that Noe is his sidekick or toadie friend, and it seems like some part of that underlying assumption never went away, which is why he keeps getting utterly blindsided by moments like the current arc where Noe does snap, because he keeps forgetting that Noe doesn’t tolerate any of that shit. Noe may be naive, but he is not a pushover, and he’s made it clear from the start that he’s not going to let Vanitas treat him like shit or use him as he pleases (think the “I am not helping you. You are helping me!!” scene). And at some point Vanitas needs to drill it into his head that Noe is his friend and equal and he will punch back if Vanitas starts shit. (Though to be clear, I don’t think any of this is malicious on Vanitas’s part, I think he’s just an idiot with baggage who doesn’t know how to do relationships good)

basically the current arc and the current status of Noe and Vanitas’s friendship is like. basically just peak “something’s gone wrong in this friendship, and both sides need to communicate or this is going to collapse”. They both need to seriously reassess their understanding of each other, because they are 100% not on the same page vis a vis their relationship, and this plus a myriad of other issues is letting them get played like damn fiddles. Granted, at the end of the day the bulk of the blame is still on Vanitas’s shoulders because he’s a dipshit and he still won’t tell anyone anything because he’s got ten bajillion pounds of Baggage(TM). Unless Mochijun decides to go turbo tragedy genre on us though I’m sure that it’ll eventually work out, it’ll be painful and slow but it’ll happen.

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter fifteen - “but she couldn’t”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.3k

synopsis: bucky and y/n have their first therapy session after what happened a few days prior... things happen.

pairings: bucky x fem!reader

He wrung his hands outside the door, nervous for what was to come. Bucky came alone now, no royal Wakandan guard to escort him. He had graduated past that precaution, with the help of Y/N's insistence. She was always advocating for him.

Ahead of him was the first therapy session after that night with the bonfire and then the leaning and then the pinky promise and—

He was anxious... to see her. To say the least. He wanted this to work, wanted his idea, their agreement to work. He wanted this to work because he didn't know what he was more afraid of: seeing her again or never seeing her again.

Frankly, he didn't care what their "professional boundaries" were. He just liked to be around her. Personal. Professional. It didn't really matter to him. He didn't care whether they sat across from each other on the therapy couches or if they were closer. Sitting on the floor... leaning...

Again, he didn't care. It was Y/N's worries that worried him.

Just go, idiot.

He knocked.

"Come in!"

Bucky was careful when he opened the door, almost as if he was trying not to frighten a timid animal. Her face was carrying a lot. Behind her eyes was an abundance of thoughts, worries, feelings, and more. He wasn't sure how he knew... he just did. He knew her.

He silently made his way to his couch, his side of the room. He felt so separate.

"Good morning," her voice was flat and controlled. Her tone was friendly and light, but still controlled; he could tell.

"Mornin,'" was all he said. He was apprehensive to interrupt what was so far in tact.

"Can I just start by apologizing for how I spoke to you the other day. About your arm and everything else. I was out of line. I'm really sorry."

"It's alright," he breathed, looking up at her. Yep, a lot of thoughts in there. "You weren't exactly wrong..."

"Doesn't mean it wasn't rude."

"I've already forgiven you... like two seconds after it happened. Don't worry about it."

Her eyebrows creased, face contorting into clear concern. "If it upset you, you can tell me. I don't want to let anything fester... please."

"I guess I have issues with the arm, but... not with you."

"Do you want to talk about that?"

Bucky exhaled. "What else are we here for, right?"

She gave him an encouraging look, as if to say go on. He got the hint.

"I just feel sort of incomplete. Having one arm is... strange. And I guess I never had to deal with it before, because Hydra gave me the cybernetic arm... Well more like attached it to me. It's not like I had a say."

"You lost your arm back on that train in the forties, and you never really got a chance to cope with that loss. It's a huge change for your body and mind to get used to, and it's completely understandable that you're having trouble with it."

"My body feels so off now. Everything I do I have to do differently, and it just makes it all so difficult."

"Are there things we need to fix for accessibility? I can talk to Shuri and-"

"No, it's fine," he was quick to deny any assistance. "I don't wanna complain."

"It's not complaining, Buck. If you need help, it's okay-"

"I don't want help. Everyone's always helpin' me. I don't need to ask for more."

"Bucky..."

"It's fine, I just... need to suck it up and deal."

"There's no reason to 'suck it up' when it's a problem that can be fixed," she offered.

His voice sunk to a whisper, guilt withering his confidence. "I'm sick of being everyone's problem."

Did he just say that? He wasn't sure he meant to. His feelings sort of leak out when he talks to her. Like it's easy. Like it's safe.

- - -

READER

She could feel her heart nearly rupture at his words and the broken cadence in his voice. She wanted to leap out of her seat, pull him close, and hold him until all the pieces stuck back into place. But she couldn't.

Oh, Bucky, she sighed sorrowfully in her head. She wanted to cup his face and tell him how he most definitely was not a problem. How he was wonderful and patient and trusting and kind and a thousand other things she never was. But she couldn't. It hurt to not be able to comfort him the way she felt she needed to do.

Instead, she took a deep breath, and said what she was supposed to say.

"That's a really hard thing to have on your mind, Bucky. I'm sorry. But I can promise you that we really are here to help you. And we want to. I'm not going to tell you what you can and can't feel, but please know that me or Shuri or anyone else - we don't think you're a problem."

He looked down at his hands, avoiding eye contact and mumbling, "Thank you."

He didn't seem convinced. Her chest tightened. She wanted to do more. But she couldn't.

"I flew all the way from Europe to come help you. And I mean, I didn't know you then, but looking back now, I'm damn well glad I did."

"Yeah, but now you're away from home on another continent because of me."

"Bucky, I chose to come here. No one made me."

He put a hand on his forehead, fingers rubbing at his temples in tired frustration. Like he had been bullied by these thoughts for a while now. There had clearly been a lot going on with him that he hadn't told her. A part of her wanted to admonish him. She wanted to scold him for not letting her help. For not letting her erase any and all bad feelings.

"I can't-..." he sighed, voice helpless. "I can't even cut my own hair..."

She closed her eyes, feeling the pain radiating off of him.

"... can't even make myself feel human."

Y/N moved before she could think the better of it. She was in front of him before she even registered the movement. It was automatic, involuntary. Her body just had to get to him. Make it better. Make the hurt go away. Like a reflex. She felt chemicals with him; he was an instinct.

She knelt in front of his feet, looking up at his sitting figure still on the couch.

"Give me your hand."

He stared down at her, confused. "What?"

"Reach your arm out."

Reluctantly he obeyed.

Slowly, softly, delicately, she smoothed her hand over his and up his forearm. Starting at his fingers, moving over the center of his palm, and gliding up his wrist to then pivot her hand so that her fingers were on the underside of his forearm and her thumb settled a tender touch on his pulse point. (the gif!)

She tried to transfer every ounce of compassion into her touch in an attempt to fade his distress, his guilt, his pain. A physical way of expressing that, yes, someone did care about him. So, so deeply. Even if he didn't see it.

She exerted a slight amount of force on her thumb so that he could feel the pressure of his pulse.

"You feel that?"

He nodded.

"That's your heart beating. How profoundly human."

Then she splayed her hand over the top of his forearm.

"You feel the coolness in my hand?"

Again, he nodded.

"That's your body heat. How beautifully human."

Still with a hand on his skin, she moved up to sit next to him. She brought his hand up to his chest, pressing it flat up against the center of his rib cage and holding her hand on top.

"Can you feel that?"

"Mhm."

"That's your heart. That's you. You're all heart, Buck. You're so deeply, wonderfully human. All the way to your bones."

She looked into his eyes then, and he bore into her in a way she's only seen one or two times before. Their hands remained against each other, over his heart, when he spoke.

"I don't deserve this... deserve you..."

There was no hesitation. "You deserve everything good and then some."

She rubbed her thumb softly on the back on his hand, hoping to communicate the sentiment as lovingly as she could. She wanted him to know that he mattered.

"Even though I took you away from your home and your work and everything else... all for my stupid screwed up head."

"I don't... really have a home to go back to," she confessed. "Like, yes, I had a place to live, but.. not a home."

He almost chuckled. "Neither do I."

Maybe sometimes home was a person.

"You have people, though. Which is good. You know, Steve, Sam."

"You." His voice was soft.

It made her lungs almost contract. She could've sworn her cells began to heat up. God, she felt so much. Such strong ardency. You have me, she thought. Until every last star in the galaxy dies. You have me. She wanted to say that. But she couldn't.

"Right. And I have you," she offered, trying to reciprocate the sentiment without pouring out the adoration that was in her head.

He stared at her, dead in the face like he was looking into her soul. With his entire chest he whispered like it was the only truth he'd ever known. "You have me."

His eyes were blue and his face was kind and then the back of her head felt warm like someone's hand was on it. His voice was soft and his heart was beating and then every nerve in her body ignited into flames because his lips were on hers. His lips were on hers and any semblance of control she might've had left burned up as she burned for him.

Slow and heavy, she melted into him. Parts of her found parts of him. Fingers softly curled at the nape of his neck, palm pressed up against his chest and feeling his heartbeat. On Bucky's chest, her hand was where his previously was. But now, his hand was cupping the back of her head and it was dizzying.

He tasted like rumination and benevolence and thank you. She moved her lips as if to pull out every inch of sorrow and grief and heartache and say I'm sorry. Sorry for all the things that happened to him that weren't good and gentle. For every hand that had hurt him; for all the hands that had touched him that weren't hers. But she couldn't. Oh god, she couldn't. What was she doing?

She pulled her head away even though it felt like a gravitational pull as strong as the sun's was keeping her there. In response to her movements, Bucky leaned back too. He removed his hand and suddenly she felt cold. No, she felt frozen. How could this happen? This wasn't supposed to happen.

"I-I," she stammered, having no idea what to say. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be."

She looked away from him, eyes anywhere but his. She stared to the side of the room.

"No, I-... I can't- we can't... this is-"

"I kissed you."

She avoided whatever that was the same way she avoided his gaze.

"This is transference," she declared, not even dignifying what he said.

"Huh?"

"Transference, it's- it's when a patient's feelings from something or someone else get redirected and projected towards their therapist. That's... that's what's happening here."

"It is?"

He didn't seem very convinced.

"Yes. It happens sometimes, it's not anyone's- ... it's okay."

"This is okay?"

"No!" she caught her breath. "No. The... action is not okay, but the fact that it happened isn't something to be faulted. It's not unheard of; it's a common phenomenon in therapy, so..."

She could feel him looking at her. She wished he'd stop. She felt like she might faint. Her lips were numb.

"So..."

"So, it just can't happen again. Okay? No one's in trouble. Let's just... be aware of the possible consequences of transference and make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Y/N..."

She thought there might've been a slight inflection of fear in his voice.

"Yes?"

"Look at me... please."

She sighed and turned her head. Fuck. She wished she'd drown.

"Does this mean you're leaving?... or not leaving for that matter?"

His eyes were pleading, vulnerable, and scared. If she was honest, she wasn't sure she could leave him if she tried. In fact, a tiny repressed part of her mind wanted to stay with him forever. But she couldn't.

She reminded herself why she was here, and why they needed boundaries. But when reasoning with her inner logician, she wasn't sure leaving would even be the best option. It's not like Bucky needed more disruption in his life. He needed some sort of constant, something reliable and trustworthy. At least that's what Y/N told herself as she realized that if she left him with that look in his eye, she could never forgive herself.

"No, I don't... I don't have to leave. As long as we make sure that doesn't happen again."

Relief visibly flooded his face. "Okay... okay, good."

Seeing his worry wane was alleviating. Though, she wished she could do more. She wished his hand was still on the back of her head, and her hand was still on his chest. She wished she could rewind back to that moment and just sit within it for a bit longer.

But she couldn't.

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @nickkie1129 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lauxrens @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @quxxnxfhxll @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf @cc13723things @maravderofthephoenix @avengersgirllorianna @cataves @thatbitchsposts @talktomeaboutthestars

[ficforce]

Benimaru Relationship Alphabet

A- Activity (What is their favourite activity to do with Y/N.) Quiet Reader: Benimaru enjoys napping with his head on her lap, Y/N is good with her hands, if he’s lucky she’ll stop whichever craft she’s doing and massage his scalp. There’s a sunny spot on the porch at the back of the Guardhouse with a mat and a soft cushion laid out, She didn’t like him sleeping on the bare wood and Benimaru didn’t like that she got a sore back - once he was asleep she didn’t like to move in case she woke him up. Loud Reader: Sparring with her is always fun, Y/N practices the same discipline as he does but she started much later in life. She offers him enough of a challenge that he really has to think about his next moves. It usually ends up with them rolling around in the dirt kissing, putting out a fire Y/N accidentally started or deciding to go take a nap. B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship) Quiet Reader: Y/N is a quiet, almost shy woman, she first spoke to Benimaru when he turned up to put out a fire he had started whilst dealing with an Infernal. He would usually let the regular Hikeshi deal with it but he had literally been above it. She hadn’t realised he was there until after she had taken control of the fire and put it out with ease. Benimaru had been impressed and then he had found some amusement in how she panicked just at the sight of him. Y/N had an interesting heat signature and he had been curious to see her use her ability again - she would be too nervous to show him and either not be able to form a flame or burn him by accident. Her flames were the hottest recorded in Asakusa. At first, he was too gentle with her, treating her like a fragile flower that could wilt at any moment but then he witnessed her get angry once and wasn’t as careful: she was strong. Once he was more like himself she liked him more and was told him so. People find it amusing that he can get rowdy and pick fights whilst Y/N watches from the background with a fond smile on her lips. They compliment each other rather well. Loud Reader: They met during a bar fight. Y/N had started it after a drunk got a little too handsy with her. What started off as a one on one fight had turned into a brawl - once it had gotten out of hand she headed outside and that’s where she found Benimaru. He smiled at her, apparently a side effect of sake, and offered her a cup. He had been amused by the trouble her one uppercut had caused. Then not so amused when they ended up arguing and ended up throwing fireballs at each other. Their relationship could be described as passionate, they were quick to become lovers and slower to get to know each other. Every argument brought them closer and they’re not as explosive as they used to be.

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

Quiet Reader: Benimaru doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, he doesn’t like to share his problems with just anyone and even if he’s just complaining he hates when someone tries to fix his problems for him. Y/N is very good at calming him down and getting him to lower his defences enough to talk to her, she always seems to offer him good advice. Y/N is like an open book, if something is worrying her then she can’t hide it, her face always gives her away. Benimaru doesn’t like to see her upset and will ask her outright, she’ll try to tell him not to worry and that it’s not important but he won’t give up. Benimaru’s usual advice is that he can go and punch the problem - This always makes Y/N smile and she’ll figure out what to do as he hears her out. Loud Reader: She isn’t good at sharing a problem, she either tries to punch it or will let it fester inside, at first it won’t be noticeable but then suddenly she’ll burst and Benimaru struggles to calm her down at first. He’ll feel bad that he didn’t see her suffering sooner and hold her until she’s calm enough to speak to him. She just needs to rant sometimes - she’s not the type to hold onto things. Y/N is very similar to the Quiet Reader in that she’ll hear him out. She’s pretty good at reading his micro-expressions and can tell the difference between a frown and a frown. She’ll bug him until he cracks and tells her what’s going on… her advice isn’t always so good. D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk) Quiet Reader: Y/N is quiet and sweet, she barely ever raises her voice but when she drinks more than one cup of sake - she turns into a different person. She will fight you. This includes Benimaru and after last time Konro keeps a count on her drinks. Loud Reader: She’s a happy drunk. Unless someone starts on her or touches her in the wrong way (If Benimaru doesn’t break their fingers first), then she’ll get rowdy. Y/N will find everything funny and likes to cuddle up to someone, if Konro is there she tends to want to cuddle him more as he’s bigger and easier to fall asleep on. Benimaru gets a little jealous. We all know what Benimaru is like when he drinks. E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? Y/N gets hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..) Quiet Reader: Y/N can usually keep a calm head on her shoulders, she’ll help out as much as she can and tends to worry about others before herself. She knows that Benimaru puts himself in danger to protect their Town and it makes her worry but he’s so strong… so, he’ll always come back to her, right? Benimaru is used to chaos and emergencies, it’s in his job description. When it comes to Y/N though, he wants to know where she is, he wants to know her exact location so he can keep danger away from her. If anything happened to her… Loud Reader: She’s the first one to get people moving. Although she’s not an official member of Company 7 she helps out where she can, making sure civilians are out of the way and ready to defend them if needed. Y/N likes to keep tabs on Benimaru - he’s not invincible and he does dumb stuff sometimes. He wishes she wouldn’t linger so close. Benimaru knows she can hold her own and he doesn’t need to worry because she’s a strong fighter. He knows she can take a hit or two but he’ll personally incinerate anyone who hurts her. F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with) Quiet Reader: Y/N is a very good crafter, writing, drawing, knitting, sewing, felting and much much more. She can’t cook though. It’s a disaster. She set fire to water and the Guardhouse kitchen was out of commission for three days. Loud Reader: Y/N can form animals with her flames. Serpents and dragons are her main focus but when she tries something else it always looks a little odd and everyone makes fun of them. G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?) Quiet Reader: She gives him handmade gifts. In the winter she makes him scarves - even though they don’t need them because they’re both walking furnaces. Benimaru likes that she

sews little emblems into the inside of his coat collar, they’re their little secret. Benimaru will often commission skilled people to make the tools that she needs for her hobbies. Loud Reader: She’s not very creative so most often she’ll buy him food from his favourite vendors. Benimaru enjoys long baths and he has a private one at the Guardhouse big enough for two, she’ll often buy him relaxing salts. Benimaru treats her whenever they’re together, he’s not one for grand gestures but she once got mad because he bought her an expensive bracelet. She loves it but thinks its too much… H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle) Quiet Reader: Y/N loves to hold Benimaru’s hand when they’re out walking, they can be found close together most times and he’s not shy about showing his affection with little gestures. Only if Y/N is comfortable with it - He would hate to embarrass her. Loud Reader: She’s usually holding onto his arm and will nuzzle him in public if he’s not paying attention. They’re both pretty open but they keep it light as they don’t need the whole Town knowing their business. I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?) Quiet Reader: Y/N has a strong sense of justice, she can’t stand it when someone is getting away with victimising another person. She particularly hates bullies and despite her quiet demeanour will always stand up for others. The air around Y/N gets a huge spike of heat and most people know to get out of the way. The easiest way to tell her mood is by temperature and her inability to hide anything. Loud Reader: She doesn’t have a huge amount of patience for idiots. If someone is being stupid - on purpose - she will have no time for them. Also, people who walk too slow drive her mad. There’s a huge street and you are taking up all the room - move!! She’s pretty straight forward in telling people when they’re annoying her. And if Benimaru ‘Tch’s her one more time… J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?) Quiet Reader: Y/N would use it for the Town, she’s got all she needs and likes a simple life. There’s a roof over her head, food on the table and she has people she loves - maybe she would splash out a little on a new kimono for the festival? Loud Reader: She’s never really had money and where she grew up in Asakusa was a little rougher. It’s a much better place now but she remembers being unhappy when she was small and there was no neighbourhood watch looking out for the Town - Only selfish gangs. She’d want to set up a place in Town for kids to come to if they needed somewhere safe - God help Benimaru if he hits it with one of his matois. Benimaru has everything he needs and doesn’t care about money. K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?) Quiet Reader: Her control over her emotions. Y/N can’t control herself if she gets angry, she loses control of her flames and because they’re hotter than most they consume things faster than the Hikeshi can put them out. She’s terrified of causing that kind of damage again and tries to stay calm. Loud Reader: Y/N might seem rough and ready for a fight but she’ll sacrifice herself without hesitation. She would rather get hurt than allow anyone else to and this is dangerous for Benimaru as not only does it make her potential bait but he wouldn’t cope with her getting hurt badly. Benimaru has so much emotional investment in Y/N (both) that if anything happened to either one of them he would be at a loss. If they died… he can’t even bear to think about it. L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?) Quiet Reader: The twins make her laugh when they’re picking on Benimaru or just plotting their next prank within hearing distance. Konro’s facial expressions when Benimaru is being unreasonable amuse her. Benimaru knows that her neck is ticklish, unless they’re being intimate, and likes to try and press kisses there to watch her squirm and try to wriggle away. Loud Reader: If she’s drunk - everything is funny. She usually laughs the most at meal

times because the Hikeshilike to eat together, it’s noisy but she likes that it feels like a huge family. Making Benimaru laugh is what makes her the happiest, he only does it in front of his closest people. M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?) Quiet Reader: She will stay in bed as long as there’s someone to cuddle up to. Benimaru will sometimes lay awake for a while so that she can keep sleeping as she tends to get up once she’s awake. Y/N is a little drowsy first thing and she’s clumsy but after an hour she’s wide awake and busy with getting the twins hair just right. Loud Reader: She’s a monster. Do not wake her up unless you absolutely have to. Y/N stays up too late and always suffers for it the next morning. Give her her morning beverage and stand clear until she speaks to you first. Benimaru gets up first thing, he doesn’t get a full night’s sleep but he takes catnaps during the day. Morning is the best time to pester him because he’s too dazed to get mad. N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?) Quiet Reader:  Y/N tries not to be needy, she tries to get by on her own and not be a burden but she often feels vulnerable when she’s caused trouble, accidentally or by losing control.

Sometimes she’s not sure what’s upset her but she’ll go to Benimaru and simply pinch the bottom of his Banten, holding onto it as a little kid would. It’s enough for Benimaru to know she needs him and he’ll drop what he’s doing to comfort her.

She does the same for him so he really doesn’t mind it.

Loud Reader: She’s not used to having someone who will spoil her. She mostly keeps things hidden but when she’s feeling ill - that’s it. She needs attention and will openly ask for it. This can be something as simple as asking Benimaru to stroke her hair or make her tea. When she inevitably makes him ill she’ll return the favour. O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?) Quiet Reader: There’s a small clearing by the river that Y/N loves, in the summer it’s shaded by a large tree and it’s far enough away from other things that she hopes it never gets hit by Benimaru’s flames. It’s another place Benimaru likes to take a nap with his head on her lap but it’s where he first kissed her. Loud Reader: Y/N has never been outside of Asakusa. One day she would like to see what’s beyond the gates and experience what a City is like. She’s a proto-nationalist so she doesn’t care too much for their views or customs but even if it were to go and see Company 8’s dump - she’d like to go. P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when Y/N are in pain?) Quiet Reader: She’s not a person who complains so if she says something hurts then Benimaru knows it’s serious. She slipped in the snow one year and hurt her ankle. At first, she tried to brush it off and limp home but after only a few steps she fell. One of Company 7 had been passing at the time and carried her home, when Benimaru saw her he took her from the other man and pressed a kiss to her temple - he could see she was holding back tears and it broke his heart. Benimaru called a doctor and made sure that she got plenty of rest, he sat her down on his lap and held her until the painkillers made her fall asleep. Loud Reader: Benimaru gets mad at Y/N because she’ll ignore the pain until she physically can’t take it anymore. He’s known her to ignore broken ribs before and it wasn’t until he hugged her that she nearly collapsed in agony. He’s sweet to her once she admits she’s hurting, it’s similar to when she’s sick and needy - she just wants him to fuss over her and stay close. Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship) Quiet Reader: Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed. Remember that. - Unknown Loud Reader: I care. I always care. That is my problem. - Unknown R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing Y/N after a long time of being apart) Benimaru is going to shower them with affection and take them to bed. The first orgasm is going to be from a slow, intimate love making. After that - well, whatever they like. You will not see either of them until the next day. S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?) Quiet Reader: She doesn’t get stressed too easily but if people are getting hurt or if she feels like she is failing at something she gets stressed out. Y/N’s first reaction when she feels like this is to start crying over the dumbest little thing and try to hide somewhere she can try to calm down. Once she’s taken a moment to evaluate everything she puts on her brave face and gets back to it. If Benimaru is around he’ll wait for her outside the room, he doesn’t want to crowd her or make her feel like she can’t cope without him. Loud Reader: Because she lets things build up over time, Y/N can become stressed very quickly and this usually ends up in what seems like a tantrum. She’ll go out to practice her fighting and if she’s lucky Benimaru will join her. Once all that pent up stress is gone she’ll be back to normal… if just a little bit moody. T- Terror (What are they afraid of?) Quiet Reader: As mentioned before, Y/N can’t control her ability if she gets angry. It’s only anger that blinds her with rage and she’s terrified that one day she’ll kill someone by accident. She’s terrified that it’ll be Benimaru because she’s burned him before. Loud Reader: Y/N likes to think that nothing scares her and spent her life trying not to be scared of anything. But sometimes, after an

argument with Benimaru, she’s terrified he might not come back after they’ve walked away from each other. Of course, he always comes back first. U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?) Quiet Reader: She can only produce blue flames and they’re the hottest recorded. Loud Reader: She can eat six takoyaki balls in under one minute - freshly made. It’s her best party trick. V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?) Quiet Reader: Y/N doesn’t like to fight and doesn’t know how. Benimaru and Konro have tried to teach her some basic defence moves but that’s about as much as she’s done. If push ever came to shove she could just superheat the air around her to make it impossible to get close. Loud Reader: She’s not a violent person but she loves to fight. Her style is the same as Benimaru’s but she’s a few years behind so isn’t as good as him yet. Her advantage over him is her strategic mind. Y/N is vulnerable to body blows and once she goes down she struggles to get her advantage back. W- Wow (What does Y/N do that really surprises them? What do they do that Y/N really likes?) Quiet Reader: The first time Y/N stood up to a guy twice her size and demanded he apologise and pay the storekeeper they had just stolen from, Benimaru had been taken aback. The quiet, shy girl he was so careful around had an aura so dangerous that even he had to think about whether he wanted to even approach. The man had laughed at her and made to leave - luckily he had been a third-generation and only his clothes were burnt to a crisp. Benimaru wasn’t so careful with her from then on. Y/N was surprised by how gentle Benimaru was when they were alone. He’s very soft and childlike… unless he’s after something a little more grown-up. Loud Reader: Benimaru hadn’t thought someone as boisterous as Y/N would like children. She adores them, she always has time for kids and gets especially soft around babies. Y/N doesn’t just like them but she’s very good with little kids and he’s surprised how motherly she is. Y/N really likes when Benimaru feels her looking at her and instead of asking what she wants, he gives her a gentle smile. It always makes her feel happy. X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates) Quiet Reader: Y/N is shy when it comes to sex but she’s not inexperienced. Benimaru was a little too gentle with her the first few times - which was mind-blowing and completely satisfying but she really wanted to see him lose his cool. Y/N got so frustrated that she pushed him onto the futon and ravaged him. After that, Benimaru does what he likes providing it doesn’t hurt her and they both get off on it. Technically Benimaru initiates sex but Y/N will drop some pretty heavy hints that she wants him. Loud Reader: The first few times they were rough with each other and that was enough to keep them coming back to each other. But as they got to know each other Benimaru became a little slower, a little gentler and it really threw her off. Eventually, she told Benimaru that it made her uncomfortable and he found out that her previous boyfriends had been pretty selfish. They didn’t always satisfy her or make her feel loved. It took some effort and patience but now she knows that sex can be good at any pace. Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?) They’re both pretty good with most things, plenty grosses them out but nothing that they just simply wouldn’t be able to stand. Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without Y/N) Quiet Reader: Y/N is usually in bed by midnight, if she’s out at a festival or the bar with Benimaru then two in the morning seems to be her limit - after that, she’ll sleep anywhere. Before bed she likes to take a bath and have something warm to drink, she’ll do a little reading or speak with the others before heading to bed. If Benimaru is home he’ll usually follow her timing or join her an hour later. They spoon. Y/N fits so well against him and they usually fall asleep

whilst talking about little things - always with their fingers entwined. If Benimaru is out patrolling then she’ll steal his pillow to cuddle. Loud Reader: She’ll often be awake until three in the morning, she struggles to sleep normal hours because she sleeps in so late. Y/N has tried to go to sleep earlier but really struggles. She’ll brush her teeth, brush her hair and grab a drink before heading to bed as she prefers to wash in the mornings/whenever she gets up. If Benimaru isn’t home then she’ll keep herself busy until she finally falls asleep, she takes up most of the futon and Benimaru has a hell of a time getting in with her when he gets back. When he is there, he’s usually fallen asleep before her. Benimaru tends to sleep on his side with his arm over her middle and his face nestled into her neck whilst she’s on her back. Sometimes being unable to sleep gives her the rare opportunity to fall in love with Benimaru’s sleeping face. He’s rather beautiful when he’s not sulking.