#a fake. a copy. a twisted mockery of the one you love.

[junkmailmusubi]

yeah i'm just as sad (and slightly in denial) as every other agent 4 fan, but i don't entirely mind the idea of parallel canon being a copy instead of directly being 4. i feel like there's still some good horror/angst potential there, y'know?

[ynscrazylife]

Hey !! i love ur writing style <3 i wanted to ask you if you could write a loki x reader where the reader and loki have been best friends for a long time now and after he faked his death in tdw he knocks on their door and the reader and loki have an argument and then they kiss?? maybe like the scene in crimson peak “you lied to me” “i did” “you told me you loved me” “i do” smth similar? :)

The Greatest Deception | loki angst fluff fic

Summary: After Loki reveals himself to be alive, Y/N has some choice words to say. Loki has a question.

Authors Note: Thanks for requesting! Also, I want to say that I fully support and acknowledge that Loki is genderfluid. Seeing as this fic was requested with Loki having he/him pronouns, I will use those pronouns. (Also, I didn’t know which pronouns you wanted me to write since you mentioned they for the reader but typically I use she/her, so lemme know if you want that edited)

Request to be on a taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 |  Main Masterlist 

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of these works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/someiconsx

“Lady Y/N?”

The voice was muffled through the door and the one in question rolled from her side and onto her stomach as she laid in her bed. A low groan emitted from the creature whose limbs were tangled in the blanket and sheets.

. . .

“Lady Y/N?”

A short knock-knock accompanied the repeating words, and Y/N had a feeling of that the lovely woman who she’d love to talk to at any other time wouldn’t stop until she replied.

She pulled herself into a sitting position, smoothed over her unruly hair, and finally pulled the covers up so her pajamas wouldn’t be seen and called out, “Come in!”

The woman opened the door and sent her a sheepish smile. “The All-Father has requested your present, ma’am,” she informed her.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Do you know the reason as to why?” She quizzed.

The woman spared a quick, darting glance at Y/N’s window. “Well, the All-Father has requested all of the palace’s royals and higher-ups to gather in the courtyard. He is gathering local citizens for a, ah, play, and more would like, in this words, his ‘most esteemed confidants to enjoy,’,” she answered, subtly bouncing her weight from one foot to the other.

Y/N thought for a moment. This was the first time she was hearing that the King was holding a play — not to mention, the fact that the last play (if you could even call it that, because by Heimdall’s recounting it was horrific) was held before any of the children of Odin were born.

Just thinking about that caused a twinge to hit her stomach and for it to twist up. Loki. Odin’s youngest child and the one that had most recently left her, as he sacrificed herself to save his vaillant brother, Prince Thor. It had been weeks, maybe even a month, since Y/N had heard the news and had been resorted to a lonely, saddened version of herself. Loki was her best friend, the person she trusted more than anything and—no, no, who was she kidding? He’s more than that, and he deserves to be remembered as more than that by her.

He’s also the one that she loves, and has loved for at least the past year when she realized it.

Nonetheless, she had taken many steps to get through the grief of Loki’s dead — as had his father — and she wasn’t going to let all her hard work crumble down on one, singular thought.

“Very well, then. Please inform the All-Father that I will be there shortly, thank you,” she said.

The woman nodded and bowed her head before exiting.

Once the door had been fully shut and she could hear footsteps no more, Y/N crossed over to her window and drew back the curtains, not having missed the look at said window.

The sunlight poured into her room but the stage was indeed sent. Rows of fine chairs sat with rows of fine people in them. In front, Odin stood with a red curtain drawn closed behind him. His arms were gesturing wildly and he had a big grin on his face as he gave his speech.

Despite the curiosity that itched into Y/N’s face, she pushed it aside. She had never seen the King conduct himself in such ways, but alas, everyone grieved differently. So, she closed the curtains and got dressed for the day ahead.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

The moment Y/N stepped outside, she could’ve sworn that there was already long beads of sweat trailing down her skin. She let out a huff but journeyed on towards the courtyard, as this formal royal wear was necessary and she had no intention of pissing off Sir Snotty-Dickhead — as she called him (he had some fancy and long name she couldn’t remember, in her defense) — who was Odin’s right hand man.

By the time she got there, Odin was still rambling on with his speech, but his sudden notice of Y/N saved the guests from boredom.

“Aha, the guest of honor! Lady Y/N, herself,” Odin announced, bringing his hands together in a clap and gesturing for her to come toward him.

She betrayed herself and her cheeks involuntarily reddened as all eyes laid on her. She approached Odin and curtsied out of respect, but her mind was full of wonderings of why she, of all, would be singled out.

“I’m sure you all know who Lady Y/N is, yes?” He began, briefly pausing before continuing. “If you sadly do not, let me tell you. Lady Y/N had been a friend of the royal family, specifically my child, Loki’s—” the name caused her to suck in a sharp breath, “—and she was granted the title of Lady to uphold the image of the palace and to complete very important Asgardian duties.”

Once he stopped talking and the crowd clapped politely, Y/N took the opportunity she was presented before it’s door could close and quickly went and sat in her seat, the only seat not occupied yet, in the front row.

Odin then began speaking against whilst he walked to the side, “Speaking of my dear child Loki, this play that has been put together is one designed to honor him and his heroic sacrifice. Without further ado . . . ” He let his words trail off, and the red curtain pulled open.

Y/N’s face contorted into surprise at the words, not expecting this to take place. Again, she reminded herself, everyone grieved differently, so she decided to give it a chance. However, as the play went on, she was quick to realize that honoring Loki wasn’t the intention here. The horrid acting could be excused but Odin himself allowing this mockery of how Loki died? Of how he sacrificed himself? Well, with every second that passed, her face heated more and more — and not due to the sweat — and she grit her teeth, just barely refraining from yelling.

The worst part for her came though when the actor who played Loki did a dramatic reenactment of his sacrificed and the actor who played Thor did the worst fake crying ever. Y/N turned to the others, expecting them to be just as enraged as she was, but was floored to find that no—they were laughing. And not just that, but Odin was having himself a chuckle as well!

Her fingers tightly gripped the edges of her chair and she forced herself to look straight ahead, just about able to hold in her tears until the play was over and the actors bowed.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

Afterwards, while everyone was standing and giving Odin rounds and rounds of praises, Y/N stayed rooted in her seat. She couldn’t just let this go by as if it were nothing, but she was struggling to compose herself to confront him.

After a couple minutes of going back-and-forth, she decided, screw composure. She didn’t have to be composed. She was allowed to be angry.

So, she stood up and marched straight for him.

“All-Father,” Y/N said through grit teeth, forcing herself to curtesy, “I request your company in private, if I may.”

It took Odin a moment to tear himself away from accepting his latest comment, but the way he quickly glanced over at Y/N, she knew that he had not noticed — or perhaps he did not care — the state she was in.

“My apologies, Lady Y/N, but should I depart now, I fear I shall upset my comrades!” Odin said, ending his comment in a boastful joy, which resulted in laughter and cheers.

He didn’t wait for her response before engaging in another conversation, and Y/N’s lips remained tightly shut until she decided to just go forth and let her stuffed-up emotions out.

“Fine. I will say it in front of everyone, then!” She said, firmly and loudly, gaining everyone’s attention. “That was a pathetic excuse to remember Loki . . . It was an insult! You mocked him, your own child! How could you even— I . . . I just don’t understand . . . He sacrificed himself for your son and for Asgard and this is how you repay him? God. I expected much, much more from you for him because I . . . Let’s just say that we both love Loki, in our own ways, and I-I . . . I am very disappointed.”

Wanting to flee from the tears that were now streaming down her face and from the silence that was pounding, she turned around and she walked away, the realization that she had just confessed her love in front of everyone hitting her.

“Lady Y/N!”

Odin’s words stopped her in her tracks, but she did not turn around. Just stood. Waited.

“He told Thor, before he passed, that he, uh . . . He loved you, too.”

Y/N stared straight ahead, her hand jutting out to grab the pillar next to her to steady herself.

Loki loved her?

She didn’t stop the tears from coming this time. She let them, and the sobs, overwhelm her.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

“Lady Y/N?”

The voice and the knock were much more stiff than they were this morning.

“Come in.”

Her response was devoid of emotion, much more curt than it was this morning.

The same woman turned the door’s knob and opened it, sending Y/N, who was curled up on her bed, head nestled into her knees, a wary look. “The All-Father has requested your presence at his quarters,” she said.

Y/N let out a small huff, in no mood to talk to the King after what had happened. She forced her head up and gazed boredom at the woman. “Is it an emergency?” She deadpanned.

The woman looked around the room and by her lack of response, Y/N knew that either she didn’t know or didn’t want to say.

She sighed. “I will be there shortly,” she said.

The woman nodded and wordlessly left.

After she did, Y/N stood up and went in front of her mirror, taking in her appearance. Her once brushed hair was now frizzy and in knots and her eyes were puffy and red. Angrily, she practically tore the hairbrush through her hair and dabbed at her eyes with makeup until the red could be seen no more. She had no intention of letting him see her this way.

— — — — — — — — — — — — —

Screw formalities, Y/N thought, as she walked straight into Odin’s quarters which composed of a small living room, a bedroom down the hall, an office, and a bathroom. She didn’t bother to curtsy or announce her presence.

When he finally and gradually turned around from whatever he was doing, a slight look of shock crossed his features, before he replaced it with a warm smile. “Y/N!” He said, but quickly corrected himself, “Lady Y/N.”

Y/N frowned and crossed her arms. “I hope that you have called me here to apologize,” she said, an icy edge to her voice.

Odin nonetheless looked at her kindly. “In a way, yes,” he vaguely said, before a magical transformation underwent before her.

His wrinkles disappeared, his beard disappeared, his grey hair turned jet black, and his clothes transformed into his usual wear.

No longer was the All-Father standing in front of her, but her best friend. The one she loved.

Taken by utter shock, Y/N instinctively stumbled back, her jaw dropping and her eyes widening. “What the hell is this?” She gasped out, not wanting to believe it at first. It was a cruel trick — it must be! There was no way.

“It’s me,” the mischievous deity said, a rare softness to his voice and in his eyes. He took a step forward, but then stopped himself. “I never died, I only impersonated my father.”

Y/N stared at him, angry tears coming to her eyes once more. “How?” She forced out, thinking that maybe she was dreaming. “Why?”

Loki looked around, slightly dumbfounded, as if he hadn’t expected anyone to question him. “I wanted the throne,” he answered, as if it were obvious and a perfectly acceptable reason.

Y/N stared at him as if he had grown two heads. To her, he might as well have.

“Oh, really? So you take over your father, trick everyone - me, your brother - into believing that you’re dead, you banish Sif . . . All because you wanted the goddamn throne?” She cried.

The cluelessness left his eyes and replaced itself with guilt, regret pooling inside him. He looked down, shoulders falling with a sigh.

“I’ve felt guilty tricking you ever since it had all went down. I wanted to tell you but, honestly, a part of me didn’t think you’d be that upset over my death. But you were really, so upset and I . . . I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. All I wanted to do was hug you and tell you that it was fine, that I was here, but I thought I’d screw up your emotions and hurt you even more,” he admitted.

Y/N just looked at him, her frown growing deeper. “That’s an awful excuse,” she hissed out, words laced with venom.

Loki immediately snapped his head up to look at her and his gaze held desperateness. “It’s not an excuse,” he said quickly. “It shouldn’t be. I’m . . . I’m so sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to was to trick you, and . . . I did. But today was the final straw. I couldn’t continue like that.”

Y/N took a step forward, having an inner battle in herself on whether or not to forgive him. “You lied to me,” she reiterated bluntly.

Loki nodded guiltily. “I did,” he agreed in a small voice.

She took a pause, taking in a deep breath. “You told me you loved me,” she added.

There was a brief moment of silence before Loki said, in the same small way but a little more firm now, “I do.”

Y/N kept walking, not even fully sure or convinced of what she was doing, but knowing that she needed to do it, until she was standing just inches away from him. They looked at each other for a couple moments, neither saying anything, until Y/N wrapped her arms around Loki. He returned the embrace.

“Never do that to me again!” She yelled through the tears that were now coming. God, was she tired of crying. Especially today.

Loki hugged her tighter, his own tears falling. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and repeated that over, and over, and over again. “I’m an idiot.”

Y/N leaned back and cupped his face with her hands. The love she had for him overwhelmed her pain, and more than anything she needed him now. Besides, she could see his guilt. She could see the truth shining in his eyes. He wouldn’t do anything like this again, because he loved her. And she loved him.

“At least you’re self-aware,” she whispered through a sniff, taking a page out of his book with her joking remark. Before he could quip back (and she was sure he’d have an excellent one), she leaned forward and captured his lips in his a kiss. Loki smiled against her lips and wrapped his arms around her waist.

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[maple-writes]

WHG 14: Boat 4

tagging: @concealeddarkness13 (Nesri, Triel, Zenith a little) @ratracechronicler (Rebecca) and @pen-of-roses

so this might be kinda long but oh well 

###

Asher was already asleep again by the time we got back to our room, small under the heap of blankets he’d buried himself under. Good. He’d been looking tired lately, despite his attempts to try and convince me otherwise. I only half registered when Triel left the room, gone to try and work a time to push the president overboard that would work now that we knew about whatever it was that was making the others think we were their enemies. I sighed and leaned against one of the walls, letting some of the others take the beds. It was all too complicated.

I looked up though when Nesri stood, announcing she was hungry and going to get something to eat and slipping out before anyone could respond. An uneasy feeling like a damp blanket over my shoulders settled in and I kept my eyes on the door. What were the chances she was about to do something rash? Something she didn’t want anyone to know about? I bit at the inside of my lip. She’d told me not to worry, not to get involved but could I? That’s what Asher had said too. I hadn’t listened then and it, it hadn’t been good but what would have happened if I hadn’t shown up?

Rebecca didn’t seem convinced either. “So,” She looked over to me. “Are you buying that whole ‘hungry’ excuse or you think she’s up to something.”

I shook my head. “There’s something going on.” How much should I tell her? I hadn’t told anyone about Asher until it was almost too late… “Don’t tell her I told you this, but she might be in danger. It’s about that magic guy.” I wasn’t going to repeat that mistake again.

She made a face. “Well. I don’t have any magic. But I do have a sword. If one of us’s in danger, we all are.” Finally someone with sense. “Think we should stick our noses in other people’s business?”

“Absolutely.” I pushed off the wall, eyeing her blade. We might need that. “Take the sword, I think she went this way.”

“Hold up.” She turned around and went straight for Elvira for a peck on the cheek. “I’m gonna go meddling.”

Despite the looming dread, I couldn’t help but grin, just a little bit as she came back with her sword after her goodbye kiss. Sweet.

We hurried down hallways looking for where she might have gone, but no luck. Maybe she was just hungry after all. Maybe we were worrying about nothing. But then we turned down an isolated corridor and both of us froze.

Triel pinned Nesri against the wall, her hand tight on her throat and voice menacing. “…What was that, hun? You think I’m lying? How do you know? Are they ever real around you? Do they ever really care? How do you know?” Nesri struggled, but it was in vain.

Triel? I raised my head, standing tall and demanding. “What’s going on?” Was this how Triel treated her crew when no one was looking?

She turned towards us, a friendly smile on her face but her hand still firmly on Nesri’s neck. “Oh, nothing. Just a chat.”

“Looks like it,” Rebecca exaggerated, gripping her sword in a pointed display. “How’s about your remove that hand from that neck or I remove the hand from your arm, pal?”

I couldn’t agree more. Friend or not Triel better do as we asked before both of us took turns wishing she had.

Nesri tried to shout something, but Triel cut her off with a tighter grip and cocked her head. “And why would you care about this broken creature? We took her when she was eight and gave her the magic. She is our property. And she is broken beyond repair. That is why I must take her back.”

Oh no, this wasn’t Triel. This wasn’t Triel. This was Churi.

He laughed over Nesri’s crying. “Oh, you should have seen our artwork.” He rounds to Nesri’s other side, pulling down the top of her collar to show shoulders criss-crossed with scarring. “It’s not as pretty now.”

I was going to kill him.

Rebecca was faster, darting forward and slicing her sword clean through his wrist. But the hand didn’t move, firm like a clamp over Nesri’s neck.

“Now, that was rude.” He reached up and reattached the hand. “As I was saying, what is she to you? How much would you sacrifice for a piece of broken property?”

“Get away from her!” I yelled and lunged, grabbing a handful of his hair and digging my other hand into his arm to pull him back, away from Nesri.

She fell to the floor and Churi slipped my grip. He turned to me, smiling. Too pleased.

“Fine.” His shape shifted, dissolving like mist off a morning pond and rematerializing again into a form that made my stomach twist.

Asher. An exact copy all the way down to the way each hair fell unkept over his face.

He crossed his arms, a cruel glare spreading across his face. “You disgust me,” He spat, “clinging to anyone who tells you pretty lies. You’re so easily deceived. You’re pathetic.” He grinned spreading his arms out to his sides. “Did you think I really loved you, let along Nesri?”

Asher laughed, sharp and jarring and I couldn’t move. He didn’t mean it. He never meant it. But, but… It wasn’t right. There were no horns. No fangs, no claws, just Asher. Just Asher in his most honest state.

“They’ve all been lying to you. They’ll never care about you.” He bent forward at the hip, jeering. “Even Striker. He’d rather you were gone, and I agree with him.” He straightened up again, gesturing loosely to Nesri, still watching from the floor. “Of course you fell for Nesri’s lies; both of you are too scarred to be anything more than a pretty face.”

He’d never been like this looking like that. Just out of nowhere. I swallowed. But it wasn’t Asher, was it? But… But how else, how would Churi know? How would he know if he didn’t, if he didn’t know something about him? How would he know if there wasn’t some truth to it?

Asher dropped his shoulders, looking me straight in they eye. “You worthless excuse for a son. Of course your mother doesn’t want you back. And she never will.” He stepped towards me, again and again until he was almost right against me, staring up with sharp mockery. “You will be along, begging for her forgiveness like you have month after month after month.” He lowered his voice to a cruel hiss. “Don’t you ever wonder why she never responds? Why no one ever comes for you? No one will listen, no one will ever care about you Cirrus.”

For a moment he lingered, watching as if daring me to say something, daring me to try and defend myself. But the words wouldn’t come, couldn’t find their way through my locked jaw.

He drew back, laughing under his breath. “Stop fighting against the inevitable. Give up and help me take the rest of your fake friends into custody. It’s the only thing a pathetic excuse like you can do.”

“Stop.” My voice shook, too much, enough he must have noticed. “Stop that’s, that’s not true.” It wasn’t, it couldn’t be.

But all Asher did was smile, sweet and condescending. “Still trying to pretend like it’s not true. Pathetic.”

He turned to Rebecca and his shape shifted again. He said something to her, something mocking and cruel but I could barely make out what he was saying anymore, staring and trying to pretend my legs didn’t shake. That my throat hadn’t tightened just a little bit. I could still almost see him, standing there in the rain spitting and growling and cursing anything around him.

Churi shifted back into Triel, leaving Rebecca crushed with her sword hanging uselessly in her hand.

“See hun?” Churi turned back to Nesri with Triel’s face. “I own your friends now. I will take anything that you think you can have. You will have nothing. Your once-friends will hate you and hurt you. You are all mine.”

Nesri was still shaking, still cowering on the ground where she’d fallen, but when Churi started to shift again something snapped. Magic buzzed through the air and the next second Churi was gone, tiny crystals littering the floor where he stood.

That was it? I stared at the scattered crystals. He was gone? I shook my head out. Nesri. I turned towards her. “Are you okay?” My voice shook more than I thought, strained out of my throat.

Nesri attempted an unconvincing smile, watching from her spot on the floor. “Don’t worry about me, what about you two?” She took a deep breath, but it didn’t seem to do much to ease her trembling. “It’s my fault anyway. You—you should hate me. I understand. I did something stupid.” Her words came faster, sharper. “I tried to stop him before he hurt any of you, and I only made it worse. I’m a stupid girl who won’t think. Instead I just rush in, damn the consequences.” She cut herself off, guilt wrenching itself hard across her face. “But—are you okay?”

Rebecca still stared at the crystals, stiff and shaken. “I dunno. I dunno if I was okay before, now. I’m all… I just don’t understand.”

“We’re fine, I think.” I tried to even out my voice and stand up straight. Steady myself at least in front of the others. I’d dealt with this before, I could handle it again. First things first we had to get out of the open where anyone could walk in on us. “Come on, lets’ get somewhere out of the way.”

No one spoke as we made our way back to our room. Churi’s words through Asher’s voice kept replaying, replaying overlaid with what he’d said back then by the lake. He’d said it just to hurt me then, he hadn’t meant it then, but then… How would Churi know anything he’d say if Asher hadn’t told him? How? I took a deep breath and tried not to think about it. Later maybe, but not now.

We stepped in through the door and Nesri blurted a rushed “I’m sorry” and all but fled to one of the corners of the room.

The few people in the room glanced between her, me and Rebecca, but stayed quiet. I sighed, soft to myself. What was she apologizing for? She sat, curled in on herself and hiding her head, small and scared. I glanced at Rebecca, but she didn’t seem up to helping just yet. She leaned against the wall, stone faced with a firm grip on the hilt of her sword and a cautious gaze. Maybe it would be best to give her a second to herself, to figure out her thoughts. If she still looked like a stalked rabbit later on I could try saying something to her then.

I left Rebecca by the wall and quietly joined Nesri in the corner, sitting on the ground beside her. As much as I wanted to say something, I couldn’t think of anything. Nothing that would probably make her feel any better anyway. So I just held out a hand, offering it to her if she wanted to take it.

But she ignored it, fresh sobs racking her shoulders and fresh tears running down her still-wet cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for fucking it up. I just wanted to protect you. But I was so terrified of him, I couldn’t let him hurt anyone else. You should hate me.”

Rebecca sighed, her head thumping against the wall she leaned against. “Look. Maybe we should. But I don’t. You fucked up. We all three kinda did. It’s what people do. We fuck up, and then we, uh… Forgive each other.”

I nodded, grateful that she seemed to have a better handle on helpful words right now than I did. “I mean,” I leaned back, “if we didn’t care we wouldn’t have followed you either.”

“I don’t understand. Why do you care? I’m everything he said I was.” Nesri gulped and I did my best to try and hide the way my jaw clenched. “Thank you both so much. I care deeply about you. I haven’t lied to you about that.”

“So does that mean everything he said about us was true too?” If she said whatever he said about her was true, she must imply that it was true about us. I sighed, trying to calm down again, and lowered my voice to something gentler. “Between us, Asher’s said those things to me before. Doesn’t mean it was true. Doesn’t mean he meant it.” So it doesn’t mean whatever words he put in Triel’s mouth would be true either.

Nesri tried another smile. “You wanna spar to blow off steam?”

She was trying to deflect that, wasn’t she? I shook my head. “Absolutely not.” She wasn’t going to convince me everything was fine that easily.

Her face squished. “You’re a meanie.”

“Hey, so, Elvira says…” Rebecca blurted. “That someone can get forgiven when the person they hurt or wronged or whatever—or even if you just think you hurt or wronged them—when they don’t expect anything else from you in order to write that wrong. So, I think what we need to do here is… Tell each other what we need from each other so that we can trust each other, really trust each other and not worry about whether we’re using each other or secretly don’t care or whatever. What do we need to do or say or promise? Does that make sense?” She paused, suddenly looking embarrassed. “Or do you not wanna do that?”

Nesri smiled again. “I think it’s a wonderful idea, and I’ll do anything you need me to. But you two don’t need my forgiveness. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

And what she did wasn’t some grave sin either. It was stupid, but it wasn’t like she meant for any of this to happen. For Rebecca’s sake though I kept quiet. If It was going to make her feel better so be it.

“Well, I’d love some sort of affirmation that I’m accepted even though I’m not all bright or proper, y’know, just a little something to boost the ol’ spirits after getting dragged by a monster wearing my ex’s face instead of everyone pretending I’m perfect and I never do nothing wrong, which I do, so it’s making me more suspicious, but that’s beside the point.” She sounded sarcastic, but at the same time I was glad I held off on protesting. “Anyways. I think demanding that you don’t go off on your own or whatever is kinda against the whole thing. You want independence. From those creeps, the uh,” she faltered a moment until she remembered, “Shades, and I want that for you too. So I won’t ask you not to go off after them… And it sounds like there’s more, and you’ll have to deal with them, and maybe the rest of us will, too. So what I’m going to ask you to do is stop beting yourself up againb it, first of all. Blaming yourself for what they’re doin’s just gonna weaken you, and you’re our best shot at stopping them, so that’s not helping anyone. Second of all , just… Let us know what we can do to help. What we can do to fight them. If you don’t know anything now, that’s fine, but, like, if you learn anything that’ll help us non-magical folks stand a chance against those guys, let us know. And if you do go after them, maybe try to have some sort of plan.” She snorted at the last part. “That’s what I’m asking of you. What do you think?”

Nesri nodded. “I just mean, in this moment, you didn’t do anything wrong, following someone who was going to get herself hurt. I mean, you certainly aren’t perfect. We’ve still got to work on your popcorn-catching skills.” She smiles again, a little more sincere this time, but it fell again. “I’ll try to not beat myself up. But it might take a little while. I don’t know how normal people can fight against the Shades. I didn’t even know I could use my magic on them. But if I find anything out, I’ll let you know. And I’m not the best at making plans, so I’ll consult you before rushing in.”

Clearly, she wasn’t lying about that last part.

It seemed enough for Rebecca, and satisfied, she came up to us and offered Nesri a hand. “And I’ll come to you for lessons in popcorn martial arts. Thanks Nesri. I officially forgive you.” She shook her hand and glanced at me. “And what about you?”

Right, my turn. I crossed my arms, trying to come up with something that Rebecca hadn’t already said, but there wasn’t a lot left. “I think you beat me to it.” Then I sighed, turning to Nesri. I couldn’t help but remember another conversation I’d had, with Asher, where maybe I hadn’t been direct enough. “I don’t want you to think you have to face anything alone. Don’t just brush off whenever someone offers to help you.” Anger made me cross my arms tighter, creeping into my voice. “And don’t just pretend everything’s fine just to make us feel better.” I could have went on, but stopped myself with a glance up at Rebecca. “Is that too much?”

“I’ll,” she nodded, “I’ll try. You might have to remind me though.”

“Anything we can do to help,” Rebecca said.

Nesri started to cry again, tears welling and her breath catching. “Thank you so much.”

“Okay, what the hell happened?”

I looked up as Triel stood arms crossed in front of us. Uncharacteristic panic flashed across her face as she stood, looking down at us expecting an answer.

“Shit.” Nesri quickly stopped crying, pushing it back as she stood up. “Churi was on the yacht, so I felt I had to confront him, and Rebecca and Cirrus were suspicious of what I was going, so they followed me. But we’re not hurt.” She was smiling too wide, too nonchalant.

“Except the psychological trauma,” Rebecca chimed in. “We’re working on it.” Thank goodness for her bluntness. Straight to the point without letting Nesri dance around it.

Triel’s eyes widened and she looked back to Nesri. “You waited until I was busy on purpose, didn’t you? Shit, Nesri.” She sighed and glanced at me and Rebecca. “I’m sorry about that. I probably should have briefed everyone on what the Shades could do. It slipped my mind. Do you need anything.”

That was a pretty big slip of the mind, but nothing could be done about that now. I shrugged. “Some help talking sense into her?” It would be the next best thing.

“Hey!” Nesri gave me a light punch in the arm.

Rebecca brightened like a lightbulb went off in her head. “Can we maybe hunt down some popcorn?”

Triel laughed and assured us it would be done before disappearing to wherever someone was supposed to get some popcorn around here. Nesri sat down somewhere and I decided to give her some time alone this time, now that she’d seemed to calm down a little bit. Instead I laid out on one of the beds, stretching my arms up and behind my head until Triel returned.

She went straight for Nesri, putting a hand on her shoulder and speaking softly to her. I sat up, only half watching as Nesri replied. Something still nagged at the back of my mind, something nervous. As much as I knew Churi wasn’t Triel, I could still see her with her hand on Nesri’s throat threatening her and demeaning her in the hall.

When Triel sighed she spoke a little louder. “Why the fuck would you think that no one cares about you? Shine doesn’t throw machine parts at just anyone. I don’t give flattering nicknames to just anyone. And these idiots woud’nt go after you because they were concerned if they didn’t care. IF you let those lifes poison you, I really will make you as seductive as a fish next time I dress you up.”

“I heard that,” I crossed my arms at Triel, but the tension eased from my shoulders. That sounded the like the Triel we’d gotten used to. “The idiot part. Everything else is true though.” Nothing like Churi.

Elvira entered with popcorn in hand and the mood shifted to an exhausted relief. Almost as soon as she had it, Nesri returned to her popcorn-throwing ways. She and Rebecca hashed it out and this time I reluctantly joined in. On Rebecca’s side. Altercation with a demon or not, we weren’t going to let her win this time.

Zenith and Asher returned from preventing Lynn and Lynne from escaping just as the war was winding down, both of them surprised and frozen for a moment before they figured out what was going on. Whatever they’d done, according to Asher it’d been a success, and they were still on the ship safe and sound.

Eventually the popcorn stopped flying and I sat back down, leaving Rebecca and Nesri to discuss whatever throw strategics there were. The heaviness settled back on my shoulders and I turned to stare up and out of the little window to the late afternoon sky. How many Shades were there? Could there be more still on this boat that none of us even knew about? I leaned against the side of the bunk. How did he know about what Asher had said? How did he know? It wasn’t true, right? It still wasn’t true.

Someone sat next to me, close enough our arms brushed together as I sat up again. Asher. He leaned forward and tried to find my face, eyes dark and tired.

“Hey,” he whispered, “Are you okay?”

I sighed. How did he always know? “I’ll be alright.”

He thought for a moment, eyes flickering from me to Nesri and Rebecca. “Did something happen?”

“Let’s take a walk.” I stood, watching as Asher followed. If we were going to talk about it, I didn’t want to do it here.

In the main room people still milled about for the after-dinner programming hosted by the man who seemed to have all but a monopoly on the hosting business. I thought I saw Asher shoot him a glare when he thought I wasn’t looking, but if he did he stopped as soon as I noticed, going back to picking up a slice of cake from the table. We found a standing table by a corner, where most were passively watching the performances or staring deep into someone else’s eyes across untouched drinks. No one would be paying much attention to us here.

Asher took a bite of his cake and looked up at me. “So, what happened?”

I took a long sip of my drink, an overly milky latte with too much cinnamon. “I don’t even know.” I set it down on the table, but kept my hand on the edge. I ran my finger up and down the ceramic. How much should I tell him? Nesri probably didn’t want everyone to know or she would have told them herself. “It’s between Nesri and someone else. We handled it though.”

He nodded, cutting out another piece of cake with the side of his fork. In the dim overhead lights he looked exhausted, dark circles starting to show under his eyes, shoulders rounded and head down. His face was starting to look gaunt too, the lines just a little sharper than they were the day of the reaping. It had been weeks now since then, hadn’t it? How had it been that long?

“Did you get hurt?” Asher looked up again. “When it happened?”

“No, not really.” I took a deep breath, staring over his head at the crowd gathering around some new platter being presented at the serving tables.

He didn’t seem convinced, poking at his dessert for a moment as if thinking of how he wanted to say something. When he finally did speak it was quiet, unsure. “You haven’t looked me in the eye since I got back with Zenith.”

Hadn’t I? I tried to bury the guilt gnawing at my stomach with the latte, but it didn’t work. He was right, wasn’t he? I’d barely greeted him when he returned, and all but ignored him after that. But what could I say? What could I say that wouldn’t worry him, wouldn’t make him feel like he had to help me? I set my drink down again with a long sigh. Was I a hypocrite, for telling Nesri not to pretend everything was fine and not even attempting to do the same?

“Listen, I don’t want to get into it,” I mumbled, probably hardly loud enough for him to hear clearly. “Into what happened I mean. But you don’t hate me, right?” I all but winced. What a stupid question.

“What?” Asher’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open until he spoke again. “No, no of course not. Never. Who told you that?”

I shrugged. “Some bastard who was after Nesri.” I rested my elbows on the table and leaned forward, balancing the side of my head in my hand. “A shapeshifter. He turned into you and said, well he said a lot of things and I, I think I know none of them are true but…” I sighed again. “It hurt. I know you never mean it when you say those things, when you need some help, but it, I wasn’t expecting it.”

Asher nodded, almost to himself. His eyes dropped and he sighed. “I’m sorry, I really am, for putting you through that.” He looked up again, hair falling dark in front of his face despite all Triel had done to try and style it. “Whatever he told you though, whatever I say like that, it’s not true. You’re my best friend Cirrus. I don’t know what he said to you, but I don’t hate you. You’re not awful.” He smiled, shoulders dropping. “You’re patient at the very least, dealing with my problems this long.”

I didn’t answer right away, letting my gaze wander over the other guests. He was right, I knew he was, but it was nice to hear him say it. Hear him say something like that after what Churi had said with his voice. He hadn’t changed his mind about me, hadn’t been keeping anything from me. It’d been stupid even to worry about it. He’d never been good at hiding what he felt. Not as good at it as he thought he was anyway. If he didn’t like me, I’d know. Nesri though, I didn’t know. He’d said Nesri’d lied to me, that she’d never care for me.

My latte was near cold by now but I kept drinking it anyway. “He said something about Nesri too.” Why was I telling him this? This was stupid. “Do you think she actually likes being around me or is she lying to get me to trust her?”

“Really?” Asher laughed, quiet and under his breath but enough I could still hear over the speakers on the other end of the room. “She’s been bugging you for attention this long and you’re not sure if she likes you?”

Maybe it was a dumb question, but cautious doubt still lingered. “Okay, fine, but she could just be like that with everyone.”

Asher pointed his fork at me. “Not with me. We hardly talk. She’s nice to everyone but you don’t see her chasing them around all the time.” He stuck his fork back into his cake with a boyish grin. “You like her don’t you?”

I almost choked on my latte. “What?”

“Come on, you think I didn’t notice?” Asher’s grin widened and he leaned over the table. “I’ve only ever seen you blushing when you have a crush.”

Was it that obvious? Cursing myself, I could feel myself flushing yet again and could only hope the low light would hide it. But he was right. Again.

“Are you going to tell her?” Asher asked.

I look away. “I don’t know.” Would it even be worth it? What if I was wrong, or if she didn’t feel the same way?

Asher took another stab at his desert. “She seems to like you.” He shrugged. “Even if she doesn’t I can’t see her being mean about it.”

Maybe. “I’ll think about it.”

He seemed happy enough with that, going back to finishing the last few bites of his cake. As he finished, he glanced up at the stage set up across the room and Ceasar playing host to some kind of programming.

“Cirrus,” he started quiet. “Can I ask you a favor?” His eyes flicked to me as I nodded, trying to figure out where he was going. “Tomorrow when we’re escaping, I want to scare him a little. I’m not going to push it too far but I might need you to come get me when it’s time to go.”

I followed his gaze, watching Ceasar on stage. Toying with him certainly did sound like fun especially after his role in terrorizing Lynne, Amy, Lynn and the rest of us. “Sure.” I nodded, turning back to him. But then Churi’s words ran through my head again and I sighed. “Just, try not to do or say anything fucked up in front of Nesri, okay? She’s had a hard time.”

“Of course.” Asher nodded. “I’ll keep an eye out.”

Good enough. I finished my latte with another glance at Ceasar. As much as I probably shouldn’t be encouraging Asher to take risks like this, I liked the idea of shaking the performer up a little bit. It was just too bad I’d be too busy tomorrow to see it for myself.

#

I probably should have gone for decaf. Everyone had gone to sleep ages ago, Asher curled up and sleeping with his back warm against my side. With so many of us to one room there wasn’t much choice other than to share beds but it wasn’t that bad. Staring up at the bunk above me, I’d been trying to sleep for what felt like hours. At least sharing a bed with Asher told me what I already knew, that he didn’t hate me. If he didn’t, and wanted nothing to do with me he wouldn’t have chosen to share with me instead of someone else, Zenith maybe. If he hated me he wouldn’t be all but lying on my arm.

On the other side of the row, someone sat up, quiet in the dark. I squinted for a moment before I recognized Nesri’s silhouette and propped myself up on one elbow. “Can’t sleep?” It didn’t take a genius to guess why she might still be awake.

She shook her head. “I think I might need some fresh air. If you can’t sleep too, why don’t you join me?”

“Gladly.” It wasn’t like I was getting to sleep any time soon either. I slipped out from under the blanket, gently laying it down over Asher so he hopefully wouldn’t notice I’d left. “It’s too stuffy in here.”

We ducked out of the door and into the quiet hall, just the two of us. Alone. No one else. I tucked my hands into my pockets, thinking back to what Asher’d said. She’d invited me along, did that mean he was right? That she liked me too? Or was I overthinking this?

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” Nesri broke our silence, soft and caring. “Are you doing okay?”

I sighed, quiet and almost to myself. “I’ll be alright.” And I would, this wasn’t the first time something like this had gone wrong. “There’s just… There’s a lot to think about.”

She smiled up at me. “I could help you forget it.” She said as she bumped my arm with her shoulder.

My heart skipped and my words failed. What did she mean? Even in the low night lights of the hall I could faintly see red creeping into her cheeks. I smiled, hunching over to be closer to her eye-level. “Have anything in mind?”

“I—I…” She blushed deeper and her eyes wandered everywhere but mine. “You know what? We could throw popcorn at the fish!”

Popcorn again, I should have knon. Still, “could be fun.” My smile stayed. It did sound nice, both of us on the water. “This time of night we might have the deck to ourselves.”

Not many seemed to be up this late as we found a little popcorn and walked together toward the open air upper deck. Nesri passed the bag to her one hand, and tentatively reached for mine with the other. I hesitated, nervous and melting at the same time. Slowly, I held her hand back. It was warm in mine, softer than I would have thought.

We stepped out onto the deck, lit up with soft lighting running along the underside of the railings and the far-off glow of the Capitol’s lights on the shore. Our footsteps dinged softly against the metal and the boat rocked in the gentle waves as we found a spot along a secluded railing. Nesri threw the first piece, watching it fall all the way down to the inky water. Something moved and maybe it was a small fin that breached the surface and the kernel got sucked down so maybe there were fish to feed after all. I joined in, only half paying attention to where I was throwing between trying not to be too obvious with my glances at Nesri. She looked so happy, leaning over the edge of the railing to watch shadowy fish snap up our offerings. She shifted, leaning against my side instead. I laid my arm over her shoulders and went to rest my head against hers but she suddenly stiffened and pulled away.

She sucked in a deep breath and couldn’t look right at me. “I—I’m not as put together as I seem. The Shades—they tortured me mentally but also physically. You saw a little bit but it’s all down my back, my stomach, my upper arms.” Was she talking about the scaring? “I’m broken. I’m not pretty. You’d probably be scared off if you saw my scars. So, I wanted to tell you.”

If she thought that way about hers, what would she think of mine? My face fell and I turned away, leaning against the railing. “I guess that makes two of us then.” Was I lying to her, deceiving her by not telling her? I took a deep breath before I could talk myself out of it. “I had a run in with Asher’s father once. He burned me, and it…” I hesitated. “I try not to look at it too much.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Nesri took another sharp breath. “We were supposed to be trying to get our minds off of painful stuff, and here I go—” She cut herself off and attempted a smile. “For the record, I wouldn’t think you’re any less handsome.”

“Easy to say.” I mumbled. Of course she would say that. She didn’t know what I looked like and she didn’t want me to feel bad. I pushed off the railing and faced her. “May a well just get it over with.” If she was going to change her mind I’d rather she do it sooner rather than later.

I undid the buttons on my shirt far enough to show the scarring across the left side of my chest. I should have been grateful it healed as well as it did and I still had decent movement where it crossed my shoulder, but it was still so obvious. So prominent. Nesri tentatively brushed her fingers over it and I looked away. I didn’t want to see her face, her reaction.

But even just out of the corner of my eye I could see her shake her head. “You’re still as handsome as before.” She breathed, mind not changed, nothing changed.

Before I could say anything though, she backed up a little and pulled up the edge of her shirt. “Showing all of them would be a little inappropriate, but here’s most of them.”

Her stomach and back looked almost like more scar than skin, old knife wounds haphazardly inflicted. I couldn’t help but stare. They were everywhere, some looking like they must have at one point been deeper than others, but still scarred the skin. How long had she been tormented like that? No wonder just seeing Churi shook her like that. Who could do something like that?

“You survived all that?” I tore my gaze away from her scars and looked up at her face, trying to hide some of the horror at the thought of what that must have been like. “That’s… That must have been hard.” And to still be optimistic as she was today?

“Seven years of it. They thought I should get special torture because they couldn’t control me as easily as they could the others.” She let her shirt down and threw the last of the popcorn into the water before squeezing her eyes shut. “But I understand if you don’t want to be around me. I—I think I might like you, but it’s fine.”

My breath caught, trapping anything I would have been able to say. She really liked me? I shuffled closer, gently draping my arm over her shoulders. When she didn’t stiffen this time, I held her, warm against my side. Did she really think I wouldn’t like her if I knew how she’d looked, what she’d been through? Had I been stupid to think she would change her mind about me for the same reasons? Maybe.

The boat turned, changing direction on it’s seemingly endless loop around the harbor. Twinkling lights shone from the shore, towering high on buildings and catching Nesri between them and the soft glow from the railings. Some of the makeup had smeared around her eyes since our dance, after getting caught by Churi, after everything that happened tonight. As pretty and shiny as it had been all in place under the hall lights, there was something so, endearing, so personal. How she’d let me be there when everything went wrong and hadn’t tried to hide it away this time.

I smiled, warmth finally melting away my frozen voice. “You know, when we danced earlier, that was my first kiss as a human.”

She blinked, flustered and wide eyed. “W-well, I hope you didn’t hate it.”

“Well I didn’t. It was nice.” I swallowed and took a breath, trying to keep up my nerve. “Except for the location.”

She hesitated, maybe even thinking the same thing I had. “Would this be a better location?”

Was this happening? I lowered my head a little. “Much better.”

“Uh. Now? Or…” She glanced down at the bag in her hand. “I guess throwing popcorn at fish isn’t entirely romantic.”

I guess not. “I don’t know.” A nervous laugh bubbled up before I could stop it. “I’m not so good at this.” I’d never gotten this far. What came next?

“Well, I wasn’t either with Kiryth,” she babbled, starting to fluster as much as I felt. “Triel said that’s hwy it didn’t work. But Triel’s also said there’s a trick, and she told me about it.” She gave me a nervous look, as if not sure what came next either.

“A trick?” I blinked. If Triel came up with chances are it was legit. “She does seem to know a few things.”

A heartbeat later and her hands gripped my shirt collar. She brushed her fingers over the skin and pulled me down and kissed me. I froze, heat flooding my face, but quickly kissed her back and wrapped my arms around her, warm and close. For now it didn’t matter we were stuck on some hellish yacht party, that tomorrow could go any kind of way, for now it was just us.

[bluegreenamber]

A New Story ch. 3

(AN: Yo, who's ready for chapter 3, the beginning of the end? I keep forgetting how much I love writing endings. Let's continue on with the vagueness O.o) Some years later The room was big. And familiar. It was the room they all met in, the one where everything began. It looked exactly the same as that day. Except for the locked doors and two people standing on a raised platform. The participants’ confusion grew as they watched one of their own join the pair on the platform. Maggie looked exactly the same as she had on that day. She hadn't aged at all. Her hair and clothes were the same. It was as if she had been frozen in time or they had all time traveled back to the past. She smiled graciously at them, seemingly oblivious to their confusion and even rising anger in some. Her voice was surprisingly strong, filling the whole room and commanding all of the attention. “Friends, I am sad to say that all of you will die today.” A moment of silence before chaos broke out. Mostly people trying to tell over each other, demanding answers. Others simply stood in silent shock, staring blankly at the platform. Maggie didn't lose her patient smile, waiting for everyone to calm themselves before speaking again. “I will get your questions later. Now I must give my explanation.” She took a deep breath as if to compose herself and then turned towards the duo next to her. “These two men are the founders and directors of the ANS.” She gestured to the darker haired one. “This is billionaire Christopher Bingbong, or Bing for short.” She gestured to the other one with the eyepatch. “This is billionaire Larry McGoldrick.” She took another deep breath, seeming to prepare herself for something. “He's also my father.” Fortunately, there was no loud outrage at the news. Just continued shock and confusion. And suspicion. “I know you all have questions. And I'm truly sorry for having to put you through this. But you chose this.” She paused. “Ask away.” It was Edd who was brave enough to speak first. “Why did you pretend to be our friend?” They could all hear the thinly veiled betrayal and distress in his voice. Maggie wore a pained expression. “To get closer to you. To make things easier. To watch you from a better perspective. Because I wanted to. I like getting to know the participants. Other reasons. It was necessary.” Silas crossed his arms. “Why do you still look like that?” “That… will be explained later. When we’re done with questions and ready to move on.” “W-what…” Jon almost stopped talking altogether when he felt everyone’s gaze on him. “What's going to happen to us?” “You will die. You will get your New Start.” Tom’s brows furrowed. “Wait, we already got our New Start. Why are we going to die now?” A thought that had been nagging at him for a while now surfaced. “Are you going to kill us?” She smiled. These were questions she had prepared for, ones she knew how to answer. “You say that as if you're disgusted with us, Tom. But isn't that what we've done already? We faked your death by killing copies of you. Isn't that the same thing?” “No. That's nowhere near the same thing. And you still haven't answered my other questions.” “Ahhh yes. You believe your New Start was when we faked your death and gave you a different life out there as a completely new person. But it wasn't. Your New Start, the new life you've all wanted, is death. Death for a cause. Death and rebirth. Isn't that the same thing we gave you years ago? Isn't that what you all wanted?” Her smile was dripping with mockery. “No.” The way Laurel’s strong, defiant voice cracked showed how hurt she really was under her mask of anger. “And you know it.” Maggie simply raised an amused eyebrow, as if Laurel’s pain was funny to her. “Any more questions?” They all had a million questions to ask, but none of them were important enough and/or the answers would probably take them nowhere in terms of understanding more. There was uncomfortable silence. Maggie clapped her hands together. “In that case, let's move on. We have things to do.” She turned and stepped off the platform, briskly walking towards one of the doors. The two wealthy men followed silently, and the participants figured that they should do so as well. The door opened to reveal a hallway none of the participants had seen before but that looked similar to the ones in the building that they had been in. Maggie led them to a seemingly random room and held the door open as she gestured them inside. Inside was a circle of chairs in the center of the otherwise bare room. At Maggie’s nod, all of them sat in a chair, the participants tense and confused while the directors were calm and indifferent. “Science is a wonderful thing, is it not?” Maggie asked, breaking the terse silence. She smiled even when no one answered. “Science can do wonderful, often unimaginable things. Science brought us all here together. Science is the reason we exist. Science is also the reason we cease to exist. “We live as long as we do because of science. Our lives are prolonged because of science. We look as we do because of science. We retain our youthful appearances and then lose it as we age because of science.” She looked at each of them in turn, receiving varied reactions. Her smile held a secret in it. “What if I told you that science can also prolong our life, our youth, our very age? Forever?” Shock and disbelief permeated the silence. “How?” Everyone turned their gaze Eduardo, whose expression was unreadable. Maggie laughed. “Finally! Someone actually asks an intelligent question! Well, I'll tell you. “Just like mass and energy, life cannot be created or destroyed. But what most don't know is that it can be transferred. It can be stolen from one and given to another.” She stopped, smirking as she waited for them to catch on. “W-what are you saying?” Tord had his fist clenched, struggling to contain some emotion. Whether it was fear or anger or something completely different was unknown to the others. Maggie seemed to give him her best impression of the Chesire cat. “I'm saying that I'm going to give you all your New Starts. By letting you live through me. Because I'm going to steal your lives and youth and use them to prolong my own. I’m going to be immortal.” (AN2: Vhat a twist. Not really. I'm sure that was super duper predictable heh)