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#a customer id seen before shyly asked me on a date on valentines if i wasnt busy
pocketedfaun · 6 years
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#audrey talks#lots of things lately#a customer id seen before shyly asked me on a date on valentines if i wasnt busy#and i was shook but also could tell he was gonna ask and i was just a blushin mess and he said i was cute#i was flattered but i knew i was in a situation where theres no way i could have a relationship and truly care#like romantically for another person bc im in like the ugly but fiercely self protective mode where i need to focus on me and my mental issu#he turned out to be a bit older than id like so it wasnt really meant to be#i got into p much my top college and cried and called me dad in china and i miss him and im so happy bc i worked so hard with him to apply#and he’s an alum and it would just be so cool to go#i casually came out to some of my coworkers the other day#i got nominated as one of the hardest working students of the past four years by the school staff and i feel so pleasantly surprised that#like#people noticed how much effort i put into things even if it was shitty or i was a mess#i spent valentines day in the best way possible#much much better than any romantic celebration?#i spent it w my best friend driving and eating junk food and watching mystery science theater and getting drunk and spilling our histories#just like... i felt so content and we woke up early and i was cranky bc we stayed up till 3 and hungover but we helped my mom unload cookies#made croissant breakfast watched its alive did facemasks stocked firewood#she gave me a rose and let us borrow a dancing sloth for booth sales#i spent the rest of the day helping my mom run errands and then stand in the freezing cold to help her with a booth sale#and i can tell shes been under a lot of stress and pressure w my dad gone and my brother acting out so even though i was tired and hungover#i tried my hardest to just like make everything easier and i could tell she was much happier and in a better mood and that made me relieved#i keep buying her chocolate and brittle as a gesture that i care bc we dont really communicate affection verbally or physically#like my dad and i do#more through favors gestures gifts#idk i feel like i had a good and mentally healthy week of a balance between reward and recognition for the hard shit ive done#which was balanced out by being really vulnerable to a new level w someone for the first time and sacrificing time and effort for others
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