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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years ago

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Life Story - Part 34

The Christmas of 2003. My Uncle Bob and Aunt Marty came from Florida to visit the family. Because of the guests, everyone is in a good mood. And I can't necessarily be out getting bad grades or talking to boys so my father has no animosity towards me for those two weeks. Everyone is more or less in positive Christmas cheer. I really don't remember much of what I got that Christmas, other than I was very happy with it. Perhaps I was living in the endorphin high of thinking back on all the positive exchanges between Zack and I. I was being eaten alive by this good kind of stress that is associated with being in love. It hurts. It's all consuming. You can do painful physical tasks without pain or complaint. Temporarily, everything you do seems to have purpose, but at the same time nothing makes any sense at all. There is nothing you can do with it. It's simply there. And it can actually get in the way of actually living if you let it. I could not wait to go back to school to see him.

The only thing I do remember getting that Christmas, is my father for some strange reason decided to buy me this Guns n' Roses music video DVD. Why he bought me this I don't really know. I told him I didn't like Guns n' Roses. He himself never cared too much for Guns n' Roses either. I think he bought me this completely random unneeded gift because he had spent the last year associating me with my eldest sister Maria, who actually was out doing the drugs and having all the sex at my age. Her young wild years had been during the time of Guns n' Roses. She had the big hair, this sort of snotty almost L.A. Cheesy 80's teenage attitude. When my father bought me the DVD, I was thankful, and I even watched all the silly music videos, mostly I remember watching Axl walking down a dark hot looking sidewalk with his bandanna. Later, my father apologized for having gotten me that DVD. He said he had no idea what had gone through his mind when he was picking out gifts in the store.

I got this 50$ Hastings gift card (RIP), and I was so stoked. Sarah had also received some money and we made plans to go into Lewiston (bigger town 45 miles west) together and go shopping. Lewiston doesn't snow much, but it was dry and cold. There was snow on the surrounding valley hills. I remember walking in to the store and seeing all these possibilities that I hadn't really noticed before. It was probably the first time I ever took a real interest in what Hastings had to offer, at least the book or music sections. Previous to this, the only thing I ever had truly enjoyed about going to Hastings was that back in the 90's, I used to get over dubbed obscure foreign fantasy movies from the 80's and B movies for kids. A lot of movies from Moonbeam entertainment. After searching around for some time, I found the new White Stripes album, Elephant. I also found and purchased the biography of Kurt Cobain's, 'Heavier Than Heaven'. I read it over the course of that winter break, and I felt rather cool about it. Now I for sure knew more than anyone else did about Kurt Cobain.

After that, we went to the Lewiston mall, not a very big or good mall, but we were with Sarah's grandma Tutu, and we had to go to a bunch of old lady oriented stores that sold get well cards and soap and old lady jewelry. As we were walking down the mall absently, when suddenly I saw someone sitting at a bench back turned. It was unmistakable who it was, an all too familiar hunch and an all too familiar flannel, but I couldn't believe it. Zack was sitting there on the bench. I walked passed him, and we stopped and said hi. I didn't want to act as pleased as I was, so I swallowed it up. He was with his sister and some visiting cousins. He looked shocked and happy to see me as well. At some point we sat at the A&W, and he, his sister and his cousins were sitting behind us. He and I began throwing things back and forth. His sister and cousins seemed slightly alarmed. I was magical and fun, and I of course could not help but see this as a huge sign. It really did seem to me like the universe wanted us to meet. I could never explain it, but there were just so many coincidences.

I ended up listening to The White Stripes 'Elephant' over and over again. Up to that point, I had to say, it was my favorite album of all time. My father hated it. He would come into my room and accused Jack White of being a talentless guitarist. He made it out to be some aggressive juvinile noise album with no melody. He made out The White Stripes like they were a hardcore punk group, or like Black Flag or something. Later on, after he read reviews, he suddenly became highly interested in Jack White, particularly after the documentary, It Might Get Loud. It was kind of unfair, but it happens from time to time. Particular with front men and guitarists. They become icons for older middle class white dudes who want to start being musicians and think of themselves as 'bluesy'. They always end up spending a bunch of money on P.A equipment and specialty guitars and such.

Most of the time they don't really progress too much as guitarists. For them, it's more about what they can buy than it is what they can do. They always latch on to either Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, a number of various blues musicians, and most importantly, The Who. You can find these men in almost every guitar shop across the USA. They are generally dentists or real estate agents. Some of them are retired. They are bored. Their wives pretend to get into it as well, but actually they only like a few of the love songs and otherwise don't care. This sounds as though I am demonizing this, and it's really not the worst thing someone can do. There is nothing really wrong with it, only older middle class white people (if someone tries to tell me I am being racist against whites I am going to laugh) are the most universally typical group of people. If you don't believe me, you have never worked in the service industry. I really don't want to come off like I am discouraging artistic endeavors either. But it's funny to me because it's so universally the same. All these men are identical in my perspective.

Anyway, I mention these sorts of fellows because I feel like this crowd of people kind of took Jack White and claimed him as their own. And yeah, I know these sorts of people are not terrible, deep deep down they as individuals they are intricate human beings with their own unique qualities, our economy depends on their bored mindless spending habits. But they ruin everything. They just do. When they get into music, they take on music like it's an Olympic event. They think the fastest musicians are the best, or the oldest. They are looking for some kind of authenticity that they lost five years into their practicing medicine or whatever. They try to be seen at the right concerts. They are shameless posers. They brag about what they own. They have to essentially be told what to like. When The White Stripes were wholly a thing unto themselves and appealed to minimalism, childhood nostalgia, and abstract perspective they really just took the Jack White is an acclaimed guitarist with blues influence. Meg was a minimalist drummer, and these guys are all vaguely sexist and skeptical if they should like female musicians so she gets ignored.

My father later in time kind of became one of these older people who want to be cool in time, and he took Jack White and made it seem really uncool. He went from complaining about The White Stripes like they were an example of what's wrong with young folk these days to using it as a prop to seem edgy himself. And of course, he never really listened to it. But he would brag to other people like he did.

I have digressed, and should get back to what I was saying. As I go along in my life story, I am probably going to here and there explain my take on slightly off subjects simply because as I got older I formed more personal opinions about the world. It shapes the story to a degree.

There was a slumber party at Ava's that winter break. We invited Teal, whom I still didn't really trust. She was Ava's friend, not mine. And as I have stated before, she shoved me hard in 6th grade, and there was something really revealing about that shove. I didn't think she was a nice person. Basically, all of us sat around (I mostly just listened), and Teal and Samantha talked about their sex lives. Teal had slept with her babysitter, which I thought was kind of disturbing and weird. Her mom had trusted this high school guy to watch Teal as a junior high school student, and this insignificant dopy foolish creep had covered Teal's naked body with whipped cream and licked it off. I remember this story very vividly. This guy was super dull. I felt like Teal liked him on the grounds that he was older than her. And I just could not imagine letting his greasy boring face near me. Of course, that is just me.

At some point in the night, my friends all put on this Andrew WK song and started dancing. I liked Andrew WK, but dancing seemed weird to me. I was starting to notice group psychology a little more. Sarah and Samantha didn't want to do it, but they felt they had to. Teal and Ava were genuinely into it, and everyone was trying to impress Teal. I decided I didn't want to dance. They ended up putting on some boy band music on and I told them with honesty that I didn't want to dance. I told them I didn't like the songs. I wasn't like rude about it, and I wasn't trying to judge them. I just felt like it was 50% phony. Sarah later admitted that it was, and she was confused as to why she danced. And maybe to a certain extent, Zack labeling me as the 'anticonformist' was beginning to get to my head just a little. I was beginning to live up to the hype.

My Uncle Bob had bought us kids the movie 'Spirited Away' for Christmas. It was really good and I ended up watching it frequently. But then Ava came over, and she became this whole other level of obsessed with that movie. She ended up coming to my house off and on from winter break to Februrary just to watch Spirited Away. She talked about how she was the main character Chio, and how Tyeson was the character Haku – none of which makes any sense at all – particularly Tyeson who was mostly stoned at all times and had little ambition or personality to speak of. And I didn't want to address it, but Ava reminded me of Noface when he was manically creating gold more than anyone in the movie. When she went to sleep I had to tip toe over her and turn the television off, and eventually I got tired of watching this movie over and over again with her, but would do it anyway to be nice.

Eventually Christmas break ended, and we were back in school. My uncle and aunt went home. Ava was acting spongtaneous and crazy. She seemed desperate and moody. She had hoped that Tyeson would come back for the second semester, but he never really did. She was in despair. Sarah had just bought herself a lot of Him and CKY merchandise, but other than that, we were all back in the frying pan.

I mentioned Billy Arnett a while ago. He was the guy that I often saw in detention, whom all the girls thought was super hot. By age 18, he had slept with well over 50 girls, not just in our town, but in neighboring ones as well. I really didn't like him because he was starting to take advantage of girls who were way too young for him, and the only thing that stopped me from being outwardly against him as a person was the sad fact that Zack and him were buddies. But a few of the more popular girls in my class were obsessed with him. I guess these two girls who were already enemies both wanted to fuck him, and try to be the girl that could tame the bad boy, as if that were something anyone could ever do. Billy of course didn't care, so long as he was getting laid. He thought these fights were hilarious and he didn't take any of these young girls seriously. There was some kind of cold-war style mutually assured destruction realization between these two girls, Erica and Amanda. One little move would make the whole thing blow up.

Ava, having watched this whole fight go down from afar, decided to see what would happen if she wrote in black sharpie “Erica is a fucking slut who fucked Billy Arnett” in the bathroom stalls. This ended up causing Erica to think that Amanda wrote it. Amanda of course was innocent, but Erica decided to confront her on it, and this all escalated into a fist fight of scratching and punching and physically attacking one another in the girl's locker rooms. All for the love of stupid Billy who didn't even bother to brush his teeth. Meanwhile, Ava and I sat on the bench out in the gym – though we didn't actually see the fight, we watched them both have to be physically separated. It was 100%. I know that sounds bad – it really isn't in keeping with my feminist values, but both of these girls were stuck up, and pretentiously full of themselves and after being in their class for the last eight and a half years, it felt fun to watch this happen. And I hadn't done it personally. It was all Ava. Besides, the two of them ended up becoming friends because of the incident, so I don't feel too badly.

I ended up doing something similarly a few months later. I wrote YOU WILL DIE SOON 666!!! on a sheet of paper, opened up someone's locker – I didn't know who's, and put it in. It ended up going to this ultra sweet girl named Britney. She was one of the few people who was both popular, and truly a wonderful kind human being. She was always nice to everyone equally and didn't judge other people at all. When she opened her locker and saw what was written, she became frightened that someone was after her. And everyone was baffled. Who would ever want to come after Britney? I felt really guilty. I would say sorry today, but that wasn't how I responded then. I just shut my mouth and looked down at my desk as everyone spoke about it for the rest of the year.

I ended up getting kicked out of math class. My math teacher was named Mrs. Rush. She lost it. As is to be expected, it was the first year of alebra, and I was so confused by this part of the years as to what was being taught. I felt like the things you learned one day were contradicted by the lesson of the next, and I could not follow it. I have always needed more time with math. I can't digest a lesson that quickly. There was this rush, and for whatever reason, I simply could not follow even if I had the right attitude. They might has well have been speaking Latin for the entire hour of math. I didn't do my homework ever anymore. I used to stress about it, but now I didn't see the need to stress if the outcome would be the same regardless if I stressed out or if I didn't. Which teachers hate this attitude. I tried in the beginning, and then I simply stopped. I would instead look out the window and brush my hair with my fingers and think about Zack, and song lyrics and daydream about the future. It was on such a day that Mrs. Rush asked me a question abruptly in class. I didn't even know what she had said, let alone the answer. I had been very deep in thought, a strand of my long curly brown hair was in my hands. She flew into a rage. She called me a lazy worthless human being and she demanded I follow her to the office, she was screaming at me the whole time, I don't remember what. She told me I was never allowed in her classroom again.

I was taken into the office, and she yelled at the office woman, and the counselor telling them I was absolutely under no circumstances allowed to be in her classroom ever again. I was a little besides myself, but a little proud in a way. Zack had also been kicked out of math class after all, and now was taking a really dumbed down math class called practical math. I was hoping they would put me in there instead with him. The office women didn't know what to do with me. They had me sit in a chair. The next day I came to the office at that time and asked them what I should do instead of math, and they told me that I had no choice but to go to math class anyway. So I sheepishly went back to Mrs. Rush's class. She glared at me, but said nothing. Perhaps the principal had shot down her ambitions to have me sent somewhere else.

And to be fair to her, I was a miserable student. I really was. I think she was a small minded judgmental woman, but she was passionate about mathematics. More than anyone else I have ever met. I really don't understand that passion fully, but I have to respect it for what it is. She knew a great deal more about things I have never had the discipline to sit down and learn. I do imagine it was hard to have someone like me in her class, essentially disrespecting everything she was passionate about and undermining her determination to teach. And it had to seem dumb, me twirling my hair with hearts for eyes looking out the window all lobotomized by petty teenage fantasies of romance and rebellion against 'the system'. The again, she was getting paid. And she never did anything when she saw I had been beaten by my dad. Cognitive dissonance kicked in and she decided that I deserved it, whatever it was that had happened.

And she got her revenge. Three months later, nearing the end of the school year she had worn this very boring tan pant suit type outfit, and one of the girls in my class complimented her attire. She gushed and started talking about how it looked good on her because she had a certain body type. I wasn't really paying attention to this conversation because it was boring to me, but she then had started to talk about how some women don't look good in pantsuits and should never ever wear them. She then told me to stand up. I didn't really register that this was connected in any way to her conversation, and thought it had to be something more straight forward. I stood up confused. She then started pointing out what was wrong with my body piece by piece, and why I could never wear a whole bunch of different kinds of outfits that she could wear. I realized eventually that she was standing me up in front of the class to essentially point out that I was chunky. She didn't say I was fat, but that was essentially what she was getting at. I sat down, more baffled than anything. It was extremely unprofessional and inappropriate. Good student or no.

Mrs. Rush ended up dying of lung cancer three years later. She smoked like a chimney and it eventually got to her. The town had a huge fund raising thing, and they raised the 120,000$ needed for this operation that had a chance of saving her life, but then she died a week later, and the money went to another person. I was sad about it. She wasn't a bad woman, and despite our problems she didn't deserve death. My father laughed and called it karma – having heard eventually some of the things she said and did. It is one of the many things I don't really like about him, that kind of dumb reactionary bullshit. I knew she also had a very good side. Her husband was a very friendly and warm person, and you could tell they were very much in love. And at one point the next year she had been teaching a class that Sarah was in, and she had a very strange younger girl in her class that was easy to bully, that she kind of assisted the other students at picking on in the class room. Sarah actually went up to her desk after class and told her that she was tired of the bullying and felt that Mrs. Rush herself was provoking it. Mrs. Rush actually listened to what Sarah had to say, and seemed genuinely concerned, having not even realized her own behavior. It isn't actually an excuse, but there is something to be said for a person who is willing to take criticism and learn from their mistakes.

One day in mid January – I actually think it was January 17th, the day was the day to end all days and that date is forever carved into the aged tree trunk of my memory chamber. Zack had taken me aside after FFA, the sky overcast and grey, the outside air brisk, and other than the river the world was very silent, and he had told me that he thought I was a very special person. He looked me in the eyes and said 'You are a very special person Renee'. He took me aside and told me he really really did love me. I was dear to him. And I didn't react, I don't think I could. I was shaking and in shock. And I had to get to my next class.

I honestly would react so differently now, that it hard for me to put myself in the shoes of someone who simply wouldn't react to this. This would not be a situation that would come up now, but if something like this happened to the person I am now, I would have suggested we skip the rest of class and talk by the river. And I would have figured it out that day. Either he loves me and we should date, or he doesn't love me like that and we don't. I now have this internal person who would know how to naturally be in those shoes. But then, I feel like a part of me that should have been there was a blank slate. Maybe I really had no self esteem, or it had been wiped away by my upbringing, a sort of confience that most everyone has that I don't. Or maybe I am naturally someone with a lot of voids in my personality. I think all three are the case.

I was an empty glass. I hadn't been told I was loved in years. I hadn't felt loved for years. I had become so accustomed to being the bottomfeeder that it didn't even hurt anymore. It was hard for me to accept that someone could love me. Each time he stated it, a part of me felt like it was internally being made whole again by an act of magic. Like I was being put back together better than I had been before. I was getting very close to being emotionally able to react, the glass was close to being full, but it was taking me some time still.

I also had no experience with boys really to speak of, outside of throwing things at them and saying flirtation comebacks. If he tried to kiss me and I totally messed up, which would be likely, then what then? And maybe I lacked the courage to reach out. It's hard to be vulnerable, and I had a lot to lose. A lot of my self esteem rode entirely on his daily encouragement. He really was the only thing in the world I cared about. If I did reach back, what if he realized it had been a mistake all along, and I might lose the one thing in life I cared about. I could not afford to lose him for good.

I tried to tell my friends about it. But they didn't really get it. They took it as a typical reporting, even though the situation was a little different than the others. Like, it was practically a confession. After lunch, we were indoors in the gym watching various sport games being played on the gym floor by oblivious students a million light years away from my emotional state. Zack came up to me, and he sat right next to me. He was acting very strangely, and I didn't know what he was doing. He scooted up so close to me he was practically sitting on me, and he grabbed my head. And he began singing 'Creep' by Radiohead in my ear. It was really kind of sporadic and crazy, and hard to explain. It was awkward and atypical, but that had never been anything to stop Zack. I just sort of melted. My friends all looked baffled. I tried to resist him at first, but then just gave in and let go of my ego entirely. He really was kind of off key a bit in his singing, but it didn't matter either. Eventually I just closed my eyes.

Probably for the first time since some doctor had pulled me of my mom's stomach, I felt at peace. I have ASMR so it had a strong affect on me. It's the kind of peace I fully expect at death. I leaned on him and just stopped even worrying about anything. I could have died right then, and the peace I felt would have made it worth it. He finished singing and I was dazed. I couldn't even tell where I was anymore. The whole world around me looked like a new place. The colors had changed and everything. Everything was new again. I was a new person. I was just about to tell him I loved him back. This was it, and I was mustering the right way to say it. I heard him distantly in the outside world of my thoughts saying to Ava that he could tell that I really did love him – as I am sure I was at this point concealing absolutely nothing. And I was about to tell him how I felt and everything at that moment, but then the bell rang and he walked away. I felt like putty and I was unable to reach him. I decided I would tell him how I felt the next day.

But the next day he didn't come to school. Or the next day, or the next. He was gone. My stomach felt sick. Where was he? Why was he gone? Did this have something to do with me? During this time, Ava acted very annoyed with me. Everyone was slightly annoyed with me, I was pining pathetically, barely able to make it through my day without him. Nothing else in the world was real to me. Was it over before it even began? He was gone for two and a half weeks, and there was never a clear definition other than his father came into the office stating that Zack was sick on day three of his absence. How could this happen?

It was around this time that everyone in my class was signing up for driver's ed. It was something I needed to go to, but the idea of driving seemed daunting and unrealistic to me at the time. I didn't really care if I went or not. Nobody really asked me about it either. I ignored all the papers that got passed around, or the office lady talking over the intercom that it was our last day to sign up. It just didn't seem real to me at all. It was all part of that fake world out there that demanded I know things and do things. All that was real was Zack's blue eyes. And he was somehow gone. Because of my drunken haze, and my unclear judgment, I never ended up signing up for driver ed. And I didn't end up learning to drive that year. Or the next, or the next, or the next. And to this day, this is why I don't have a license and can't really drive. Sure, I can turn on a car. I have even driven rural roads of Idaho, which is fairly easy. But other than that, I don't really know. All because Zack sang Creep by Radiohead to me in my ear and I lost my mind.

PART 33 - http://tinyurl.com/y87449dz

PART 32 - http://tinyurl.com/ycetanep

PART 31 - http://tinyurl.com/yae3o4rd

PART 30 - http://tinyurl.com/ybht9aul

PART 29 - http://tinyurl.com/ybfcr9j2

PART 28 - http://tinyurl.com/yagdlo47

PART 27 - http://tinyurl.com/ydcj5fgf

PART 26 - http://tinyurl.com/y73nvl73

PART 25 - http://tinyurl.com/y6v6pgoj

PART 24 - http://tinyurl.com/ycak5d8r

PART 23 - http://tinyurl.com/yac6sk3g

PART 22 - http://tinyurl.com/yat6cfnw

PART 21 - http://tinyurl.com/y783egno

PART 20 - http://tinyurl.com/y8jskymt

PART 19 - http://tinyurl.com/rfhbms8

PART 18 - http://tinyurl.com/ycrznrwk

PART 17 - http://tinyurl.com/y77unlng

PART 16 - http://tinyurl.com/yadpsv8c

PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5

PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq

PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s

PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94

PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84

PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

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stujessica · 7 years ago

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#RIPNYC

i just finished reading “vanishing new york” by jeremiah moss (and i thoroughly enjoyed it, and it made me angry, lol). i’ve probably bumped into the blog the book stems from a bunch of times, and didn’t realize it.

if you’re unaware for some odd reason, i’m from queens, NYC... and i’m fucking cranky about the current state of this city. i’ve seen it though the 80′s, 90′s, and clearly the 00′s. my mother is a native new yorker as well. she was born in manhattan, and raised in queens (4 blocks away from my current residence, actually). i’ve heard countless stories from my mother over the years (obviously), and feel like i was right there with her too. there was just a different vibe in this city before the 00′s that is hard to describe. it’s just not there anymore... and i don’t say that from nostalgia. i really mean it.

it’s a book of facts, quotes, and tidbits of jeremiah’s NYC experience circa the early 90′s. overall, i agree with so much of the book. i didn’t think i could get anymore jaded as a native new yorker, but here i am. hating every corrupt politician, real estate developer, even more so - the idiot currently residing in the white house, and robert moses. it’s a more enlightened level of loathing, i guess you can say.

the only thing that i disagree on, and perhaps it’s my age (probably not), i don’t like the complaining about ALL chain stores. now, maybe i’m biased because i hail from the outer borough “midurbs” as i like to call them (northeast queens, on the border of nassau county - kind of suburban, not quite rural, but in the middle), but some chain stores i do appreciate.

as an independent teenager in the 90′s, i started going to the city on my own in 1996. aside from frequent family and school outings, these were my coming of age years. i spent most of them in the east and west villages, and in soho. i can relate with so much of the village being gone from the book. my poor st. mark’s being gone. it breaks my heart. so many of my favorite manhattan bars, restaurants, venues, shops, stores are all gone.

as i’ve grown older, i started hanging out in williamsburg when i lived in ridgewood in the early 20teens, but only bc of convenience... it was on the way home, in between my bff’s house and my apartment, and i had friends that worked on bedford. in fact, we only really ever went on weeknights to avoid the shit auras of the transplants.

i hate * billyburg*.

i hate weirdo fake hipsters, i hate try-hard transplants, i hate paying $8 for a friggin’ latte, i hate the beards and the waxed moustaches, i hate every store that is trying so damn hard to outdo one another... the crowds suck, the music sucks, i hate PBRs and the stupid IPA fancy beers, and it’s like every other storefront is the same to me. vegan this, vegan that. ice cream with waffles and hot sauce, i dunno wtf any of it is, i don’t care. when dunkin donuts opened on bedford, i was HYPED. i was super hyped because i’m from queens, where dunkins THRIVE, and have for DECADES. my parents used to have dinner in dunkin together in the 70′s on metropolitan aka “east williamsburg” (gag).

that dunkin was sticking it to those pretentious transplanted twats, and i THOROUGHLY enjoyed every turkey, bacon, american cheese on an english muffin with hashbrowns on the side, when i was drunk from the cheap bars that no longer exist anymore. (RIP cyn lounge, RIP 4th down, RIP grand victory, RIP trash bar, RIP berry park - which is still open but BLOWS now...)

i can’t say i’m happy for anyone displaced in williamsburg before this wave of hoity toity, yuppie, hipster shitheads, but you best believe i love every time a damn starbucks opens anywhere in brooklyn.

where was i? oh right, chains that i don’t mind...

a) sorry jeremiah, starbucks coffee DOES NOT just suck... at least not all of it, or you’re not drinking the right things (i’d love to grab one with you and stew in our hatred together, not trying to knock you) b) i need more starbucks out there in midurban queens c) i support both starbucks AND dunkin equally. sbucks for coffee, dunkin for food. around my way, there isn’t a place to get cheap coffee but this SHITTY bagel spot (the only one around here in rego park) that i don’t fuck with.

otherwise, back to the midurbs:

where i’m from in queens, the only mom and pop shops (aka not really bc we really just had a bunch of local chains) that ever closed were supermarkets and odds/ends stores. scuttoro’s, A&P, waldbaums, dans, woolworth’s, that kind of stuff all closed because of places like caldor, walmart and target. it’s a vicious cycle, but if certain stores don’t have certain things, people go elsewhere. the location convenience was never really a problem where i’m from until the mid 00′s. then they started replacing local supermarkets with banks and drugstores. additionally, caldor, walmart and target are NOT in walking distance anymore for elderly people, people that don’t or can’t drive anymore. that’s where we’re hit the hardest on a local level.

i go out of my way to not shop for certain things in certain places. food shopping is done at supermarkets, NOT target or walmart. unless it’s a particular item i can’t find, i do not food shop there. if i can buy something in a store vs. online, i do it. i still go to malls. i still shopped at barnes & noble until they took the queens locations away from me. i buy all clothing IN STORES, aside from band tees.

there are little things you can do to help out where you can. don’t let websites like amazon rule your world. fuck those idiots trying to pull of that bodega displacing vendor bullshit. do not buy an alexa... i swear i probably sound like i’m sitting here wearing a tinfoil hat, but i don’t use google for ANYTHING but searching.

all of these greedy companies are just sucking the life out of everyone and everything.

getting back on track here, my point was, i don’t think starbucks is evil. i think it’s delicious.

overpriced, but delicious.

whenever i stroll around looking for lattes or cold brews from places other than starbucks and i’m not in the city (in manhattan), they’re hit or miss. #HARDPASS i’m a new yorker, i need the coffee that i want and need, not a hit or miss coffee.

i think if you balance out buying things from both small stores and big stores, you shouldn’t have to feel guilty. just do your best to help where you still can. there’s very little percentage of the city that still exists in that small capacity of actual communities. also: please stay out of them. you’d be doing a great thing staying THE FUCK OUT of places like east new york, jamaica, etc.

domestic transplants, please go home and make your own city better... this city is overflowing.

i would love to know how i could help further, bc my big mouth would love to complain about my city... feel free to reach out with further info.

#vanishingnewyork #oldnyc #RIPNYC #nativenewyorker #jeremiah moss #saveNYC

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japriet · 8 years ago

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Met You In The Summer

Big shout out to @thearcanachronicles for this wonderful AU idea! Also, HUGE THANKS TO @doctorkepner for helping me edit this mess of words! Hope you enjoy this story!!

Summer 2012

It was finally summer. No more school, no more homework, no more annoying people, and no more nagging teachers. Just free time, the great outdoors, fresh air, summer breeze and sleeping in. Two whole months free of farm responsibilities and irritating sisters. Goodbye farm life and middle school, hello summer vacation and high school!

Lexie bounced up and down in her seat beside April, causing the whole car to shake. April stared out the window, watching the trees pass by and the rolling hills disappear in the distance behind their moving vehicle. The further they got from their home in Ohio, the further she got from her worries. She could practically feel the weight of the world being lifted from her shoulders.

Lexie’s long brown hair was tied up in a ponytail that whipped around as she continued to bounce in excitement and the car drove deeper into the woods. Meredith and Cristina quietly chatted from the middle seats, while April and Lexie were stuck in the tiny back ones. Meredith was only a year older than Lexie, but since she and Cristina were in high school, they insisted that they get the seats with more leg room. Apparently, just graduating the eighth grade ‘doesn’t count’ as being a high schooler yet, much to Lexie and April’s dismay.

Lexie’s tone-deaf dad sang along to the 80’s music that blared throughout the car speakers and her mom occasionally chimed in with the familiar tunes. Currently, April was regretting her decision not to replace her broken headphones.

After three agonizing hours of being crammed in the stuffy SUV, they finally rolled to a stop beside a gravel road that led into the woods. Lexie’s dad got out of the car and started unloading the girls’ luggage onto the side of the road. April waited as the other three got their duffel bags before she moved to pick up her backpack and suitcase, and then waited by her bags as Lexie and Meredith said final goodbyes to their family. They all stood together at the beginning of the gravel walkway and waved as the SUV pulled away and eventually vanished from their sight.

The four girls grabbed their bags and turned around to start their long trek to the end of the path, and Lexie laughed as April struggled to pull her large bag along the bumpy road. The wheels got a gravel piece stuck in between them and the suitcase rolled on its side, which caused April to lag behind the others.

“That thing is as big as you are, April!” Meredith snickered, before she and Cristina left the two younger girls behind.

Lexie waited until her sister was out of earshot before she teased April herself. ��Why do you have so much stuff? What did you pack?” she asked.

April huffed and let go of her suitcase to take a short break as she stood in the middle of the path. She rolled her eyes, turned to her best friend and said, “I packed everything you put on the list!”

“The list said to pack clothes, not your whole closet!” Lexie joked as she grabbed one side of the handle of April’s extra large suitcase and offered to help her carry it to the gates. It took a joint effort from both of them, but they eventually managed to lug her heavy bag to the front gates where all the other kids had gathered. Lexie immediately went to the front of the group to find her other friends, leaving April by herself to stand awkwardly to the side with her luggage piled at her feet. This was the first time she got a chance to look around, and she noticed the big wooden sign above her head that read CAMP ECHO. She smiled to herself, hardly able to contain her excitement of what the summer might hold. She was going to get to spend the next two months with her best friend, doing some of her favorite outdoor activities, and most importantly: be free of her family.

“What are you smiling about, weirdo?” A puberty-ridden voice tore her from her thoughts and her smile fell as she came face to face with a gruff looking, brown-haired boy. She looked the boy over and automatically noticed his already dirty clothing. He was a rather tall boy for his age, which she assumed was around 14 like her, and he was slightly more muscular than most boys at her middle school. Her gaze zeroed in on his arms, where he held a scrawnier boy in a headlock. Surrounding the two, more boys were engaged in more serious roughhousing, which explained their muddied and torn clothing. The tougher boy released the younger one and made his way over to where April was standing at the edge of the large group. He took one glance at her large suitcase and backpack before he reached across and snatched it up.

“What did you pack in here? Did you bring your whole house?” he tormented, as he held her backpack high above his head, out of her reach. Choosing to ignore his comment, April didn’t say anything back. Instead, she jumped in attempt to reclaim what belonged to her. Her petite body, however, was no match for his tall stature as she tried everything to reach over his head. The annoying brown-haired boy laughed at her failure and slung the bag across the yard where it hit the ground right at Lexie’s feet.

“Alex, you jerk! If you just tried to hit me, I swear!” she yelled at the boy as she walked over to her friend with the backpack slung over her shoulder and a scowl on her face. “And leave April alone! If I find out you’re messing with her again, I will kick your butt into next week!” She threatened him before she gave him a shove, hinting him to leave.

Alex scoffed at them and rolled his eyes, “Whatever, Little Grey.” Then he spun around and headed back to the group of boys wrestling and messing around in the middle. They watched him jump right back in and grab another boy into a headlock.

Lexie huffed in annoyance at their idiotic behavior as she turned back to April to apologize. “Sorry, I was just going to see some of the girls that would be in our group! I didn’t realize Alex would be over here and not with Meredith and Cristina.”

“Attention Campers! May I have your attention, please.” An older man stood up at the front of the very large group of teens with a megaphone held to his lips. The chattering amongst the circle stopped immediately as he continued with his announcement. “Welcome to Camp Echo, everyone! I am Richard Webber, Camp Director. Our staff has been working very hard these past few weeks to ensure you all have a great summer. We have so many activities lined up for you, and Mrs. Bailey-” He paused to gesture to the shorter woman at his side. “Is our coordinator here at Camp Echo, and she has all your cabin assignments, where you will sleep, and what activities your groups will participate in. Take it away, Bailey.” Mr. Webber handed Mrs. Bailey the megaphone and she stepped up onto a chair so she was able to see everyone.

“Now, I have organized all campers into their specific age groups. Cabins are determined by birthdays, so you will be with people around your same age. Age groups are determined by the grade in school you previously completed. These groups will be co-ed, and you will travel with them for every camp activity, including meals. This is to ensure safety for all our campers. You can see the list of cabin assignments on this sheet when you come check-in with me in just a moment.” She held up a clipboard full of papers to let everyone see before she continued with her speech, “Now, I must talk about rules.” A large portion of the group started grumbling and groaning in response, “Quiet down now. I know rules are no fun, but they are mandatory. To save time, I won’t go over all of them, but there is a list of our basic summer camp rules posted in every cabin. You are required to read them and every camper must sign the bottom of the sheet. Failure to do so will result in consequences. I, however, will go over the most important rule to ensure that you all understand it. Absolutely NO boys in the girls’ cabins, and NO girls in boys’ cabins. Ever. Do you understand? If you are caught breaking this rule, it will result in immediate removal from camp. No negotiations. We are not here to babysit a bunch of horny teenagers.” She gave the group a stern look to show them that she meant business before she smiled again, “With that said, let’s have a great summer filled with lots of fun! Everyone get your stuff and let’s get this summer started!” Everyone started cheering and rushing into the camp as she finished her whole spiel.

Lexie barely gave April time to pick up her belongings before she grabbed her arm and pulled her into the sea of people. She lead April to the long line that had formed right inside the gates into Bailey’s office. They waited in line to check-in for several minutes, and April took this time to look around the camp and take it all in. Right inside the front gate was the main building, where Bailey and Webber’s offices were located as well as the infirmary and the staff’s housing. Next to where they stood in line, there were signs with arrows pointing to all camp locations. The girls cabin arrow pointed to the right and April followed her gaze to the right side of the main building where she saw two rows of small wooden cabins. The boys cabins were located to the left, mirroring the girls side. As the line slowly progressed forward, Lexie further explained the layout of the camp. The dining hall was directly behind the main building that overlooked Echo Lake, which was where the camp got its name. Lexie continued to point out places that April surely wouldn’t remember, until they finally reached the front of the line where Bailey greeted them from behind her desk.

Once they were signed in, Bailey handed them their camp schedules and their cabin assignments, “You two are in Cabin 5. Lexie, can you show her the way?” Lexie nodded to her and, once again, dragged April along with her.

“Sweet! We are with Arizona!” Lexie shouted as she skimmed over their cabin assignment. April looked confused, not recognizing the name, “Oh, you’ll love Arizona! She’s ah-mazing!“ Lexie said in a sing-songy voice as she skipped along side April. Her skipping jostled her pink Lily Pulitzer duffel bag off her shoulder and it hit the dirt. The zipper popped open as it came into contact with the hard ground, causing all her clothes to tumble out all over the place.

Alex appeared seemingly out of nowhere as Lexie frantically picked up her clothes from the ground. Lexie swatted Alex’s hands away as he reached for some of her clothing, but Alex managed to snag a couple items, one being her brand new training bra that she got on her 14th birthday. Alex held it up to himself and snickered, “Look, I could wear this bra because you're just as flat chested as I am.”

Lexie stomped in frustration as she tried to get her bra back from him, “What is with you and stealing people’s stuff?” She yelled when he didn’t give her back the plain white, padless bra. Her face turned red in anger and embarrassment as he waved it around for everyone to see. Luckily, no one was paying attention as they were too busy to care. Suddenly, Alex took off towards the boy’s camp and Lexie hollered after him, yet made no effort to follow him.

Just before he reached the main building, Alex turned to face them once more. He held up the bra and used the straps like a slingshot, flinging it back at her as he ran away, “Don't worry, you're not THAT flat-chested!” Lexie ran forward to catch her bra before it landed in the dirt like most of her clothes. As she snagged it from the air, she let out a huff in annoyance. She picked up the rest of her clothes and shoved them back in her bag and held it closed as best she could.

She noticed April smirking at her and she glared at the redhead for not helping her, “What?”

“I think he likes you, Lex.” April teased and Lexie’s face got even redder than before.

“Who? Alex? No way. You think? No. Definitely not.” Lexie stuttered in response to April.

“Of course he does! Who wouldn't? They do say that boys tend to pick on the girls they like! Plus, he noticed your boobs.” April giggled and Lexie rolled her eyes, irritated with her friend’s suggestion.

“Oh hush. Let's just get settled in so I can wash my clothes. I can't believe I already got them dirty!” April and Lexie walked the short distance to their cabin. They stopped as they reached their with a rusty wooden Cabin 5 sign hanging off the door.

“I call top bunk!” Lexie shouted as she raced past April and quickly climbed the ladder of the last bunk in the back of the open room.

“But Lexie! You always get the top bunk, anywhere we go!” April whined as she slowly made her way over to the bunk Lexie had claimed next to the window, her luggage dragging behind her. April passed the first set of bunk beds and noted that both beds had already been made up.

“I got here first, Apes! You snooze, you lose!” Lexie grinned down at April from her perch on the top bunk. April grumbled as she let go of her suitcase and plopped down face first on the bottom mattress. The stiff cot sank slightly with the new weight and April looked up to see Lexie had joined her on the bed.

“Looks like the other girls already dropped their stuff off. Guess we will have to meet them later tonight after the campfire.” Lexie stood up and motioned for April to get up to. April sighed and followed her friend’s lead. They both began unpacking and making up their beds. They shared the dresser next to their bunk, and filled it with their clothes. Lexie tossed her dirty garments in a laundry bag she had set up in the corner of the room. April looked around as they were finishing up and realized one of the most important things was missing, “Uh, Lex?”

“Yeah?” Lexie responded without looking up from what she was doing to see April’s puzzled face.

“Where’s the bathroom?” April chewed on her cheek as she peered around the one room cabin. She quickly realized that there was absolutely no place for a bathroom to be secretly attached. There were no doors except for the entrance, and she desperately hoped they didn't have to dig holes outside.

“Oh, we use the latrine,” Lexie replied nonchalantly as she busied herself with unpacking.

April’s cheeks flushed, “What?”

“Yeah. We have a bathhouse in the middle and two latrines at each end.” Lexie never mentioned outdoor, public, dirty restrooms to April before they came to camp, until now. She knew April definitely wouldn’t have joined her this summer if she had known about these arrangements.

“Lexie!” April gasped in exasperation at the newfound information.

“April, don't be like that. It's honestly not that bad,” Lexie told her honestly. She knew that April would make deal about it, then eventually get over it as she got used to it. That's what Lexie did, and every other first year camper.

“I can't believe this! That's disgusting!”

“April, you live on a farm! It's not as bad as you think and you'll barely notice it after a week,” Lexie reassured her, “Now, let's go to dinner. I'm soooo hungry!”

Lexie and April followed their camp schedules and arrived at the mess hall right at 5:30 to avoid a long line. Once they went through the line and got their food, Lexie led April to a smaller table at the left side of the room by a huge window, giving them a clear view of the gorgeous lake below. They were both quickly joined by a short, blonde girl and a pale, skinny boy.

“April, this is Arizona,” Lexie pointed to the blonde girl, “and this is George.” She gestured to the boy and introduced them. They made small talk throughout dinner and before they knew it, it was nightfall. The whole camp gathered on the lakeshore around a huge bonfire. They were squished together on little wooden benches that surrounded the campfire. The camp director made a few announcements and the counsellors introduced themselves. Each counselor was assigned an age group and had a nickname they went by instead of their real names. April listened as her counselor, who was nicknamed Chief, introduced herself with a short, spunky monologue. Lexie and April giggled to themselves at their counselor and ignored the other introductions. Once the last one spoke, they were dismissed back to their cabins for the night.

April and Lexie got ready for bed alongside the other two girls in their cabin, one being Arizona and the other being a tall girl named Reed. They all walked together to the bathhouse and April shuddered at the thought of using the dirty, outdoor bathrooms. Lexie picked up on April's hesitation and reassured her that they were clean for the third time that day. April showered, changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth before she deemed herself ready for bed.

“See, it wasn't that bad, was it?” Lexie teased her friend when she came out of the shower stall beside April's and joined her by the sinks.

“No, I guess not. Just weird having to wear shoes in the shower.” April motioned to her flip flops that were now her shower shoes. Lexie giggled and gave April’s shoulder a light shove. After they were all ready, they headed back to get in bed for the night. Once they all climbed in bed, Arizona turned off the light since she was closest to the switch and they all fell asleep to the crickets chirping outside, but they barely noticed as their exhaustion of their first day at camp set in.

Read the whole thing here!

#japril #japril fanfiction #japril summer camp #japriet #japrietfics #I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE THIS #IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO WRITE LOL #japrilnetwork

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6gpymfzi-blog · 5 years ago

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turkishsinglemom-blog · 6 years ago

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On Life

Dear readers,

I greet you from the bottom of my heart.

My name is “Turkish Single Mom”.

As my pen name may suggest, I am a 40-ish working mother, residing -not always with a peace of mind -in Istanbul. I have my worst moments in the traffic and best in the children's playground, watching my daughter and other kids. I have started this blog with the hopes that my story will touch 1. Women 2. Working class people, 3. Single parents, and 4. The middle aged. Quite an ambitious project. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures.

I have bills to pay, frustrations to share, and jokes to crack.

People of our age are expected to have settled their issues with life and themselves. As it turns out, this is not the case. And marriage, for the most part, gives you a sense of security through which you can avoid existential dilemmas and dismiss bad news on TV. Once a long-term relationship is over though, as my fellow divorcées in Turkey and elsewhere would know, old age, sickness and death suddenly becomes more frightening scenarios. Enter sense of humor.

40-something people can not act like teenagers (doing so invites ridicule) but those around me certainly have not stopped looking for satisfaction, or better prospects, in life. Now that I am sort of middle-aged, I highly doubt if 80-year olds gave up on that hope. My late grandmother once told me: “You know what? Your soul never gets old. It is the physical body that gets old. Beneath that, you are still the very same person”. Well, that was a revelation. But it was also quite a scary vision: Life goes on, and a young person slowly gets imprisoned in an old body. “It would have been much easier”, I thought to myself back then, “if souls also got older”.

At my age, I look around and see that my generation is not a terribly interesting bunch. Most 40-year olds never pursued their childhood dreams (mine was about a career in figure ice-skating), somehow failed in their intimate relationships (which does not always result in a divorce settlement), and did not end up being the rising star at their work places either (except perhaps for the karaoke night). Add to this mix, the minor health issues!

When we meet up with friends, all we talk about is our kids' education, your high blood pressure, or some boring aspect of his/her career.

Well, I suggest we start talking about some real stuff here.

Life-and-death issues. Love. Misery. And Hope.

From the perspective of a Turkish Single Mom.

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briefbouquetcreatorlove-blog · 6 years ago

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oklahoma boat insurance requirements

"oklahoma boat insurance requirements

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ive searched and searched and searched, after all im being dropped by state farm insurance cause i became a financial risk for them.... its not my fault i had 3 car crashes in 6 months.... anyway the best rates i got so far are.... $200 a month for basic and $553 for full coverage on a 93 chevy van POS.... no im not joking my rates were $130 for full coverage with state farm b4 all these accidents..... god help me im in michigan if that helps anyone else.... i really need a fast answer cause i got 3 days to get new insurance""

Insurance on a ford fiesta 1.25 GHIA?

im 17 and will be having my full license at the very latest January the 1st just wondering the average price for cheapest cover, 5 door 1.25""

Would I be able to get sr22 insurance and drive a family car?

So I need sr22 insurance, but I dont own a car. I have heard two different answers on this from the same auto insurance company (vern fonk). I used to drive my familys car and I had asked them when I went in can I drive that car if I get sr22 insurance and they said no because they have insurance on it, but than when my dad said I could drive the car and that they didnt know what they were talking about I decided to call back. I explained it to the guy on the phone at vern fonk and he said if i get the non owners auto insurance than I can drive any car including theres because I would have liability insurance. Which one is true? because I would like to be able to drive again and cant afford a car right now.""

Help with car insurance........................

i am 16 but when i turn 17 i want to pass my driving tests. my worry is car insurance. i want to buy a little car like Peugeot 206 1.4 or something similar but i have checked insurance companies and their quotes are ridiculous so my dad said that if i give him the money to buy the car he can then insure it on his insurance and add me as an additional driver so i can sometimes drive it to my mates or whatever. i have heard of something called fronting and i was just wondering if then we would be doing that or would everything be legal. thanks in advance Matt

Where can we find cheap life insurance?

Car Insurance in UK for a driver new to UK?

I have over 10 years of driving experience, but all my experience is in India. I have recently got the driving license in UK. I want to buy a Car here, but just can not afford the insurance. The insurance companies do not take my over 10 years of driving experiance into consideration and are equating me to a new driver. Is there any insurance company who would consider my driving experience and provide a better quote?""

Why do we have to pay car insurance for other people's cars?

As I understand it, the car insurance we pay is to fix other cars and their drivers in case we hit them. I don't understand why the law requires that we must pay for others' protection. Why shouldn't everybody pay for his own protection? If car insurance is required for everyone, then it would make no difference anyway, and I think, it would make people more motivated to get insurance. For example, if I pay $150/mo for car insurance, and if someone hits me who has no insurance and no money, then my car will look terribly even though I kept the law. This doesn't sound fair to me. If someone hits me, then their insurance should cover their damages and my insurance should pay for my damages. Why should I suffer a loss because they didn't keep the law?""

Will state farm increase my auto insurance if I get a speeding ticket??

I got a speeding ticket going 88 in a 70 in GA. Thats 2 points on my license. I was wondering if a rumor that I heard was true. Some people were telling me that they give you your ...show more

Can i drive without insurance?

I just got my license today I'm 16 i live in florida. my parents haven't bought my insurance yet and they say its illegal to drive without insurance. can i drive without insurance if i have my license and I'm dirving my parents car?

How can I get a better auto insurance settlement?

I was involved in a collision recently. The other partys insurance company (met life) agreed that it was their clients fault. However, the other party had a witness saying I was speeding which I knew I was not. The claim adjuster from met life told me that there maybe a high possibility that theyll only give me 80% of the repair cost once it is proven that the witness doesnt know the other driver. If thats the case, is there a way to get a higher %? Or Ill need to fill a lawsuit against the other driver? PS: I do not have full insurance coverage, thats why Im dealing with Met life myself. I have not gone to get an estimate on repair cost yet, but will do tomorrow.""

Would the risk-neutral person ever buy insurance that was not fair?

If any one knows about this then please write in detail. thanks!

Business Insurance Quote?

Can anyone give me an idea of what insurance I may have? Im doing a b-plan, and insurance companies wont give me a quote yet. heres my info: Beverage Company, we buy our beverage from 3rd party manufacture. First year revenue: 1,000,000 Employees: 4 (1 owner) Annual Wages w/owner: $150k w/o owner: $120k 1 company owned van for local distribution and marketing driven by employee and owner Renting a 2500 sq. ft office space, we will have about $30k of product and $10k office equipment Southern California, I need the general liability, commercial, workers comp, umbrella, and anything else i may need? A good enough number for me to throw down in my general number-running in trying to figure how much money I need to assmble would be so helpful! Thank you!""

Best overall car insurance company?

In your opinion (or based on any experiences) what is the best kind of car insurance?

What 125cc motorbike is cheap to insure but will do over 70mph?

Preferably a four-stroke in insurance group 2

Can a Company charge more for insurance monthy for employees who work out of state?

This company who's headquarters is in California, is charging about 45 dollars a month for insurance, but if you work out of state, anywhere else, it is 105.00. This is the same position with the company despite the price difference. Is this employee fairness? Is this legal? Thanks!""

What is a cheap auto insurance company?

Please be specific.

Anyone know any Vision Insurance Companies?

Trying to find vision insurance.

How muh would cost me a car insurance? i havent bought the car yet. i am a new driver.?

oklahoma boat insurance requirements

My 70 year old grandmother's car insurance a rip off?

My grandmother is 70 years of age, drives a 2004 (54) 1.2l Vauxhall Corsa for personal reasons only - no commuting, work etc. Tesco car insurance have quoted 350 for fully comprehensive cover for 12 months. This seems a little steep as my father's 2004 RX8 which is classed as a 2.3l, or thereabouts, costs less than 300 & he's considerably younger. Each have full no claims bonuses. Please don't refer me to comparison sites because I'm sick of entering the necessary details only to receive ridiculously high quotes from them all. Thanks!""

I was wondering if Doctors pay for health insurance?

Since they are doctors, do they need insurance?""

Need advice on good dental insurance plan in California.?

Hello, I am looking for good dental isurance policy for one person. I currently work as a temp, and dont have insurance. I was looking to spend around $30 a month, is this too low? I need something that is rather comprehensive. Thanks""

What is the difference between term insurance and whole life insurance?

Cheap car insurances?

i'm a 21 year old college student driving a 2005 make car- i need a reasonable insurance company any suggestions.. any incentives for being a female and being on the deans list in college?

Health insurance part time work ?

how to get coverage?

Engine size/Car insurance?

I'm planning what car I want to buy after I do my test next year. I've seen some nice used Land Rovers, but I'm told the insurance will probably be sky high because of their engine. Is this true? It'll be a 5 door and the engine will probably be 1796. Can anyone explain this to me? The difference in engine size and what that will mean? Thanks""

Whats the rough cost of insurance for a 17 yr old new driver?

im looking to buy a car like a corsa or 306. summin like that but just wanted to know what the cost of insurance will roughly be. and no dont tell me to 'get a quote' caus you need like all the details and full licence etc, that i dont have yet""

What is the average cost for a student possessions insurance policy?

How much do driving lessons reduce my car insurance?

I haven't seen a question like this before on Yahoo answers, but is the 350$ lessons (6 hours) really worth it? (Driving isn't hard, I know, but I want the lessons solely to reduce insurance rates)""

How do I know if my auto insurance settlement offer is fair?

How much would liability insurance cost?

I need to know how much it would cost to have general liability insurance and E&O. I live in California. thanks.

Does having a Husky effect my insurance?

I live on the same property as my parents so they have the same house insurance. Well they are telling me that if i get a Husky they will loose there insurance. I have never heard of such a think. I have heard of it going up but not losing it. I just really want this dog, but I dont know if they will approve. I just dont think they approve of having another dog on there land. What do you think?""

What is the most affordable small home or cottage insurance company?

I own a home that is 300 sq feet. It's basically a little cottage/studio house. I am looking for a company that will 1) insure a home that small and 2) is affordable. Does anyone have experience with a company they would like to recommend?

""Auto, Home, Renters, Life Insurance?""

Okay I am working on a budget project for a class, and one of the requirements is to find the costs of insurance. So my question is what would the average rate for auto, home, renters and life insurance for a married individual in early to mid 20's?""

Is the cost of car insurance changed more by cost of the car or of the person driving it?

Little to no down payment on car insurance?

Does anyone know any car insurance companies that have little or no down payment, my current policy ends in tomorrow and since I'm still financing my car, they could come take it since I don't have full coverage insurance. thank you""

How can I get free health insurance?

I'm 20 years old (almost 21) but I cannot afford more than $25 a month for health insurance. I work in a small town, full time at a family owned business that cannot offer me medical insurance. HELP!""

Is ehealth insurance good?

i just bought insurance there. then checked out scams im freaking out a little but my mom says in no big deal. its just other broker trying to compete. I called ehealth and asked if i was to buy from the medical place myself would it cost me less? They said no, they charge no brokers fee. so Im a little confused. Help anyone? thank you!""

Minimum insurance for heating/plumbing business in Ca?

What is the minimum insurance that an owner of a heating/plumbing business must have in California?

What would be Cheaper car insurance?

im 18 and just wondering, what would be cheaper on insurance in belleville ontario? car, a truck, or a suv??""

Car insurance and car note?

OK, I'm nineteen. I've been saving up for my first car. But the thing is, I have to pay insurance, and a car note on my own. My mother became homeless, and my father I do not know. My godparents took me in, and they can't afford to add me on their insurance. So, being that I have a part time job at McDonald's, and go to college, It seems as if I have no way of affording a car and insurance. I haven't checked the rates of insurance, but I do understand that they are high for teenage males, and always vary on the type of car you have. I don't want anything fancy, a four door car that gets me from A to B. Is there anyway I can afford this? Please and thanks!""

Can I insure a motorcycle at age 16.?

I am 16 and my parents are not ok with me getting a motorcycle. They were, but now they're not. I have a motorcycle permit and want to buy a motorcycle and I want to know if I can insure it with just that. Can I? EXPERTS ONLY""

Car insurance?

do you need car insurance in the philippines

What does Mercury Auto Insurance Cover? (Bumper to Bumper)?

Okay I currently have mercury car insurance and have the bumper to bumper.. I have a few things to do to my car but wanted to know exactly what parts are covered for example are the Shocks covered?

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Can i get auto insurance without a car?

What type of car insurance should I get in Michigan?

I understand that Michigan is a no-fault state, and as a result everyone gets this PLPD insurance or something. I'm moving from Pennsylvania and had full coverage on my car for about $90/month. I thought PA and MI were both no-fault, but it seems different and the rates I'm being quoted for the same insurance in MI are higher. I'm so confused!! Also, right now I am on State Farm. I'm 25 but on my mom's plan, and I am getting married/changing my last name and I now live in Michigan so it is past time for me to pay for my own insurance.""

Is it legal to use foreign car insurance in the UK?

I'm a 17 year old male and I've just passed my driving test, I'm trying to think of every and any way possible to get car insurance as cheap as possible. I was wondering whether it's possible to purchase and use car insurance from a foreign company in the UK and if it is possible whether you could have a policy on an English car or whether i'd have to purchase an import. Thanks in advance.""

Insurance on Courtesy car?!!!?

Hi. my husband and I were buying a nice car from a local garage but there was a hold up due to the log book and tax etc. We were given a courtesy car till our new car was ready. But, having only driven the courtesy car for a week or 10 days, we discovered that the garage had closed and they had done a runner!!! So thats the end of my new car but we have still got the courtesy car. Will I still be covered to drive it? Or will our fully comprehensive insurance cover it? Anyone any ideas. If I can drive the car legally, I will, till anyone comes to claim it, if ever they come to claim it. Thanks Basil""

I sorta blew up my car would my warranty or insurance cover it?

Well u see my friend and I took my 2010 Prius up to the far reaches of canada to go ice fishing, the locals told us they used dynamite all the time so we didn't think much of it, anyway... We sorta had an accident with the dynamite and blew up the car(thankfully no one was hurt) but anyway, would my insurance(allstate) or my warranty cover it?""

How can i get an sr22 if my insurance company does not issue them?

I have a collector car and I have insurance through a collector car insurance company, and they do not offer SR22 vouchers. How can I get the SR22 endorsement that DMV needs if my current insurance company does not offer it? I don't want to have to pay for a whole additional policy when I have already paid the premium for the entire year on this policy. HELP!""

Cheapest car insurance company?

hey can u tell me the cheapest or most resonable car insuarnace company that covers northern ireland.... i have tried gocompare.com but it dosnt give me quotes with certain insuarance companys like directline or autoline thanks

I would like to know if i can get affordable insurance for melanoma treatment?

i am a low income single mother and need insurance for myself my kid is already covered

Car Insurance?

My car insurance renews in january.. what if I pay it all off say by april, but then I get a new car in May does the insurance transfer over and I pay the difference for the new car? and what if I didn't pay off all the insurance but got a new car would I not have to pay off the rest of the balance? I never understood this.. thank youu""

About how much will my insurance go up after my wreck?

The wreck was my fault, not much damage to my car, still runs perfectly, but the person that I ran into the rear bumper is hanging off like 6 inches but its just the bumper, it still runs and everything. How much do you think my insurance should go up, I have been insured under my dads name through Gieco for 3 years and this is my first accident. Its just the basic liability also I believe. I have absolutely no idea so any estimates would be greatly appreciated. Thanks""

16 Year Old Auto Insurance on Own Car?

hey, i am currently 16 and have had my license for about 5 months now, i am considering buying my own car, can anyone tell me an estimate of how much my insurance would be? i would be buying an older model car (1997-2002), i completed a young drivers course. Thanks""

With geico does insurance increase once your child gets a drivers permit?

Does anyone of a very cheap and affordable health insurance that covers dermatology?

do you?

Life Insurance?

I had a child in 2007.. is it necessary for me to get life insurance? Why.. and what is the best carrier (in your opinion) to use? Also, what rules do I need to know before I opt to get it? Thanks.""

How much will my insurance premium go down by?

After a years no claims? I'm currently paying 1700 (140 a month) for a 1.2 corsa. Not happy but still. I'm 19 and had my license since June 2008. Had insurance before but never got to the full year as my car broke down so I got rid. I know it's hard to give an exact amount but how much on average?

What is the insurance on a 2004 gti?

I'm under 18 i was wondering if it counts as a family car for insurance companies therefore it would be cheap to insure if it helps I have farmers insurance I just need some opinions on if it's cheap or facts and does the 4dr gti make the insurance any cheaper?

Can i get car insurance as a learner driver?

i am a learner driver and was wondering if i can get learner car insurance if i got a car and a qualified driver to teach me

Am I covered by my car insurance if I park illegally?

I park my car on a Bridleway the Police say it is illegal but they class it as parking so will not touch me the Council will not touch me either as they cannot apply any laws as there are no kerbs. My question is if a Horse injury's itself due to my car being there or a person hurts themselves,or causes them to be injured whilst negotiating my car am I covered by my insurance as I am illegally parked.""

What insurance company in California will insure me when wood is my primary heat source?

Which Insurance?

If someone borrows my car but they have their own insurance and get in an accident is their insurance company responsible

Should I purchase car insurance?

I'm buying a car on Saturday and want to arrive with proof of insurance so I can drive the car off the lot ASAP. I was given a quote for a vehicle I won't be getting. The year will be the same year though. I'm also not sure about plates and registration.

Massachusetts Health insurance?

I am in fifties and currently living in California. Due to the California high cost of medical insurance, My wife and I are thinking of moving to Massachusetts state, get a small home there and retire there eventually. The reason that we are thinking about is that we overheard Massachusetts have a much lower health insurance cost ($50/month ?). Please advise us if you are currently living in Massachusetts state or other states that have less expensive health care insurance and housing cost. You advise is greatly appreciated. Jo""

Teen insurance law in Texas?

I'm 18 year old that has a drivers license my parents are telling me because I have one the insurance company is tellin them it is a law for everyone in the household to pay for insurance of the 2 cars we have but I don't drive those 2 cars. Do I really have to pay just because I live with them?

Two insurance on the same car?

My dad has insurance on Saga and his policy ends beginning of October. I (age 19) wanted to insure on the same car from June till October but saga wouldn't let me (since I'm not 50). Is it possible for him to take another insurance from June onwards for a year and add me as a second driver till October and the take me out - while keeping Saga/s insurance running at the same time??

I am looking for a good team name for an insurance agency.?

we are selling insurance products, estate planning and other financial products.""

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/wyoming-car-insurance-quotes-jeremy-gardner/"

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cynthiajayusa · 7 years ago

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Chaz Bono: Acting Out

As a radical right-winger on last year’s American Horror Story: Cult, a far cry from his own liberal leanings, Chaz Bono had his breakout role at the age of 48. Why did it take so long for Bono, who just happens to be Cher’s transgender son, to make his mark as an actor?

Because Bono was often in conflict with the female gender of the person he was playing but didn’t know why.

At least not at first.

Then, suddenly, his interest in male roles changed more than just his acting career – in 2009, the activist transitioned from female to male. Years later, in 2016, Bono followed a recurring role as Reverend Rydale on The Bold and the Beautiful with a foray into Ryan Murphy’s American Horror Story anthology, first on Roanoke and then on the prolific TV creator’s grisly Trump-era Cult.

Here, Bono opens up about why understanding his gender identity was the long first step to acting again, the “bizarre” possibility of working with mom Cher and what he’s learned about LGBTQ representation from trans youth.

One of my favorite parts of you starring in American Horror Story: Cult was reading your mom’s tweets about the show.

You know, she gets confused a little bit. (Before I was killed off) she was in Vegas, and she and her best friend Paulette did a binge of the show, but they didn’t know I had gotten killed already, so I think that was a realization. She tweeted me about that and was like, “Was this on yet?”

WATCH:

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What was it like to be part of a show that is steeped in total conservative radicalism with a cast that is so LGBTQ-oriented? The contrast is so ironic.

Yeah, it was interesting, ’cause I would say, for me, I had two very distinctive experiences on the show. The first part of it was what you just said: very steeped in a lot of people in the community, and then those who are just incredibly open-minded. But then all of these guys come in and I started spending all of this time with all of these young actors and extras, and it suddenly became a different experience. That was the first time for me that I started to feel like I was in a cult, and started to experience what that feels like and the comfort it brings.

Are you saying you could understand the appeal of a cult?

I could understand the appeal a little bit, yeah. I’m somebody who keeps up with the news obsessively, but there was something really nice about when I’d go to work, turning my brain off and being with a bunch of younger actors who were really exuberant, like this full-on, testosterone-driven experience of all of us hooting and hollering and just waiting on every word that Evan (Peters) would say as (cult leader) Kai. That group mentality is very – I understood how it could be very seductive at certain times.

I found it seductive too, but I couldn’t figure out how much of that was because the guys were so hot.

(Laughs) Well, yeah, that didn’t really do it for me, but some of the guys were really great actors. We got along really well, because I’ve done a lot of theater and I’ve been at my acting studio for five years now. I’m used to being around younger actors because I haven’t been incredibly successful in my career, so I’m around young actors all the time, so I feel very comfortable and know what it’s like to be the new guy, because that’s how I felt last season (on Roanoke). We kind of all bonded (on Cult), and it was just this really strange experience, like this group mode mentality. And you know, we were obnoxious. It definitely became a presence on set – and, I mean, I think I was maybe less obnoxious because I’m 48. (Laughs)

Why have you purposefully avoided playing trans roles?

It’s really a twofold thing. First of all, I really consider myself a character actor, and I really like playing parts that are very different from myself. That’s what I enjoy about acting, that’s what’s fun for me, and I think it’s what I’m really good at.

I don’t really have any interest in playing a trans guy because I don’t want to play something that’s close to me. If I wasn’t trans, I probably would wanna play a trans person because that’s the kind of actor I am, but it doesn’t interest me that much because I’ve seen so many actors that I know who are trans playing trans parts and I wanted to try to establish myself as not that. I wanted to show people that that’s just a ridiculous thing and I didn’t want to get pigeonholed, so I just waited and took small stuff here and there that wasn’t that because it’s just not the career that I want.

While working for GLAAD as entertainment media director in the ’90s, you were a consultant on Ellen DeGeneres’ sitcom, Ellen. Considering the show’s lead, Ellen, is gay, what did it mean to be a consultant on that show?

I looked over scripts. I was doing a lot with them as far as – there was a tremendous amount of press and hoopla around the coming out stuff. We were working to coordinate a lot of that stuff for her, and then doing a lot of press because she did so little. So, picking up a lot of slack. I was actually on one of the episodes right after the coming out episode, which was fun, and just kind of there for them. It’s so long ago that I just remember always being there and always organizing shit around that.

She’s a lesbian, so she knows how to portray that (laughs). But there were other questions that came up about other stuff related to the community and little specifics here and there about being a lesbian. You’d probably be surprised to find out that – because one of my good friends is the guy who handles all trans stuff for GLAAD, and so I know this – about the number of calls that he gets from actors, writers, producers and people who want to get it right.

You hear stories from celebrities who don’t necessarily want their child to go down the same showbiz path they did. Was that the case for you growing up?

No, not at all. My mom was actually the one who got me into acting. I was 14 and a really miserable kid in middle school, not relating to other kids at my school and just really unhappy, and my mom made me go to an acting class. I was kind of like, “Oh god, why do I have to do this?” and I ended up totally falling in love with it. Then, I auditioned for a performing arts high school and got in and moved to New York, so yeah, my mom has always been incredibly supportive of creative endeavor.

Regarding your sexuality and gender identity, I know you’ve gone through a lot with her.

She has evolved a lot!

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She’s getting the pronouns right these days?

She does get the pronouns right. Now she just gets mixed up and calls me my brother’s name. (Laughs)

Ha! Well, every mother does that.

Yeah, right! But yeah, she’s been supportive. For me, I didn’t know that I was trans at the time, but it was the issue that made me stop acting. I knew that I couldn’t play women. And I didn’t really know why at that point. I chalked everything up to being gay and masculine.

When did you come to the realization that you couldn’t play female roles?

I was 18. I was a senior in high school and I got cast as a male in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, our big senior production at performing arts, and it was the first time that I really felt like I knew what I was doing and felt comfortable and was really good. It was like, “OK, why do I have a handle on playing a middle-aged man? Why is that easier than playing a teenage girl?”

Did you process this on your own? Did you talk to your mom?

No, I didn’t process it on my own. And I couldn’t – I wasn’t out to my mom. My mom did not handle the coming out thing well, so no, trans wasn’t there yet and what I knew was, OK, clearly as a working actor I wouldn’t be able to go out for these parts. But this was the first time I really loved acting and it didn’t feel like a struggle. It was fun and joyous and “wow.” Honestly, it didn’t really strike me until I started to realize I was transgender and looking back over my life for evidence when I was in that fact-finding part of the journey of trying to figure it out.

It’s a weird thing, because on the one hand I try to emphasize that being transgender doesn’t affect my acting at all, which it doesn’t – I’m just an actor who happens to be transgender – but what it did affect was that, unfortunately, I started doing what I love so late in life because it happens to be a profession where you have to be comfortable and in the right body to do it.

I imagine now you’re hustling for roles.

Always hustling.

What’s next for you acting-wise? Will we see you on this year’s season of American Horror Story?

I don’t know. I mean, yeah, I’ve got little projects and stuff that I’m working on, but that kind of stuff takes forever. I’m hoping to have a better pilot season than last year and, yeah, we’ll see.

Are you interested in self-financing and self-directing? Have you collaborated on any projects with your mother?

No, I haven’t collaborated with her. Yeah, that I would probably do. That would be so bizarre, but I think she’s very talented (laughs). But I don’t have any interest in directing. I’m just not a very visual person, but I do have an interest in getting projects off the ground and producing. I produced a play out here – a Lee Blessing play called Down the Road – and I would probably do more.

As GLAAD’s former entertainment media director, are you encouraged by the increase in trans representation in media? What do you see as far as trans representation goes?

It’s really interesting because I facilitate a group once a month with a bunch of other people for an organization that I’m on the board of. It’s a big organization with lots of moving parts, but I facilitate a group for trans youth, and so we had a conversation recently and all these trans kids – basically middle school through college – were talking about representation. It was interesting to hear from them, because as an adult with a long life growing up in the ’80s where there was – forget about no trans representation, there was no gay or lesbian representation – my feeling is, “Wow, we’ve come so far.”

But, listen, these kids they were like, “God, why am I not seeing X,Y and Z? I’m not seeing this, and I’m not seeing that.” It was a really interesting perspective to see because, yeah, we’ve come a long way, but there’s still a long way to go. And the people who need to see themselves reflected in media really badly are not getting their needs met. The number of trans youth just seems to be growing vastly and they are not seeing themselves represented, and when they are, it’s the same story. It’s always about figuring it out and transitioning and they’re like, “I don’t want to see that anymore. I want to see a trans person in sci-fi. I want to see a trans person in fantasy. I want to see trans people represented in the kind of stuff that I like. I’m not seeing that.”

Is that something you want to see as well?

Honestly, it’s not something I think about that much. My life is so much about my acting career, and so what I want is to just get more work (laughs), so it’s hard. And when I think about politics or that kind of stuff, there is, to me, just so many bigger fish to fry. It’s been so long for me since I needed to see myself reflected in anything that you forget, so it was an interesting lesson. Because I don’t need to see myself reflected. I don’t need to relate to a character because they’re trans. If I were to say all of the things that I am, trans is at the bottom of my list, so it doesn’t affect my life in any way. It’s just a thing. It’s not a part of my identity at all.

Does the fact that last year we elected trans officials, such as Danica Roem of Virginia, excite you?

Yeah, totally, that was amazing. That was awesome. That was a little bit more exciting, but I have to say I also get excited about any person that is a minority – that is the first person to get, in this climate, ahead.

So, any people of color, people of Muslim faith, anybody who is marginalized. Because at this point in my life, I see us all as the same thing. I really don’t differentiate. To me, I’ve evolved to the point where we’re all the same, and I think if everybody could get there we’d be such a very large, strong majority. So, I was really excited by all the women who took office, and there was a woman of color who got elected where that had never happened before, so all those milestones were exciting for me.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/02/07/chaz-bono-acting-out/ from Hot Spots Magazine http://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2018/02/chaz-bono-acting-out.html

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mintbuffalo · 7 years ago

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Get to Know Me

1. What is you middle name? It starts with a P.

2. How old are you? 8 days shy of 26! :)

3. When is your birthday? Next Friday.

4. What is your zodiac sign? Virgo.

5. What is your favorite color? Metallic dark blue.

6. What’s your lucky number? I suppose it’s 8.

7. Do you have any pets? I wish...

8. Where are you from? Arizona’s capital.

9. How tall are you? 5’3.5

10. What shoe size are you? My feet can fit in the length of a 7.5, however, since my feet are so wide, I have to go up a size.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 9 pairs.

12. What was your last dream about? I’m really bad at remembering my dreams...

13. What talents do you have? I can massage away pain.

14. Are you psychic in any way? Nope.

15. Favorite song? Uptown Girl will always make me happy.

16. Favorite movie? I don’t know anymore.

17. Who would be your ideal partner? John :)

18. Do you want children? Yeah, but only one, please.

19. Do you want a church wedding? Not anymore.

20. Are you religious? Nope, but I have faith.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yeah. Twice.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Nope, although a cop turned their lights on right behind me making me think I was in trouble.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Yeah! Bear Rinehart, Bo Rineheart, Seth Bolt, Patrick Stump, David Spade and I think that was it. I’ve met a couple YouTube creaters too.

24. Baths or showers? Baths when I can’t sleep, showers to get clean. Showers are better with company :)

25. What color socks are you wearing? My sport socks with the pink toes.

26. Have you ever been famous? Nope. I wouldn’t want to be, either.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? NAAAhhh.

28. What type of music do you like? Whatever I’m in the mood for. Lately it’s been folk and coutry.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Definitely.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? One or two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my stomach, holding my boobs.

32. How big is your house? Two bed, three and a half bath loft style apartment. It’s a great set-up.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Whatever got accidently warmed at Starbucks lol.

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Not yet! Next weekend I will, though!

35. Have you ever tried archery? Yeah, a couple times. I’m decent at it.

36. Favorite clean word? Oopsi-poopsi

37. Favorite swear word? Fuck or bitch.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 25 hours….. Don’t recommend lol.

39. Do you have any scars? A bunch.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Once in second grade art class...

41. Are you a good liar? Not at all, hahaha. Which I’m okay with.

42. Are you a good judge of character? Yeah, and I’m getting better with age.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? A couple. Valley-girl and southern accents are my go-to.

44. Do you have a strong accent? Probably to some people.

45. What is your favorite accent? Everywhere but America….

46. What is your personality type? The simplest answer is; INFJ

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? My 40 dollar sweatshirt….

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yep!

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie, but that’s also because I have a big belly.

50. Left or right handed? Unfortunately, I’m a righty.

51. Are you scared of spiders? Nah. I get uneasy around clusters of bugs, but one solo bug doesn’t bother me.

52. Favorite food? Grilled food. I could eat that shit forever.

53. Favorite foreign food? Mexican. Hands down.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I’m both. Really depends on my mental state.

55. Most used phrased? John or Vanessa would be the best ones to ask...

56. Most used word? The. Just kidding, probably “bitch”.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Three minutes if I know where all my shit is. lol.

58. Do you have much of an ego? A healthy amount, I’d say.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I’m definitely a bitter.

60. Do you talk to yourself? All. The. Time.

61. Do you sing to yourself? All. The. Time. Haha.

62. Are you a good singer? I’m not the worse, but you’ll never see me on American Idol.

63. Biggest Fear? Not making a positive impact on those around me….

64. Are you a gossip? I like to be in the know, but don’t like to be involved…

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? The Perks of Being a Wallflower. That was the first film that came to mind, so I’m going with it.

66. Do you like long or short hair? On me? I love having longer hair.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe if I had three days to think of them all.

68. Favorite school subject? Anatomy :D

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert 100%.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No, but I’ve been snorkeling! Which is way cooler. (in the opinion of someone who doesn't want to rely on a tank to survive)

71. What makes you nervous? John. Life. Socializing. Bills. Money. Life. John.

72. Are you scared of the dark? Nah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Depends on the mistake, I guess. When they say my name wrong, I do.

74. Are you ticklish? Seldomly.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not to my knowledge.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Yep.

77. Have you ever drank underage? Yep. And it was fun, not even going to pretend like it wasn’t.

78. Have you ever done drugs? I took painkillers once.

79. Who was your first real crush? Victor.

80. How many piercings do you have? One in each ear.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“ Sometimes. I get insecure mid roll, so I tend to stop myself….

82. How fast can you type? I use to be able to type over 130 words per minute, but I’m a bit rusty now.

83. How fast can you run? The fastest I let myself run, is at a 3.5 MPH pace.

84. What color is your hair? Dirty blonde, with hues of brown, red, and blonde.

85. What color is your eyes? Green! :)

86. What are you allergic to? Apple juice, cats, some marijuana, and dust.

87. Do you keep a journal? Tumblr tends to be my journal.

88. What do your parents do? My dad’s on SS and I’m not even sure what my mom does. Something with a title agency.

89. Do you like your age? Yeah, it’s pretty dope.

90. What makes you angry? I’m feeling pretty good right now, so I don’t wanna answer this.

91. Do you like your own name? Yeah, especially when people say it right.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? Melody if it’s a girl, and Benjamin if it’s a boy. Obviously those are subject to change.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? I’d prefer a boy….. ‘Cause we don’t want a teenage daughter.

94. What are you strengths? I’m “progressive”.

95. What are your weaknesses? My emotions get the best of my judgement sometimes.

96. How did you get your name? My mom and dad were on a date to see The Little Mermaid, and my mom really liked how Sebastian said “Ah-re-el”.

97. Were your ancestors royalty? Aside from royal pain in the asses, I doubt it

98. Do you have any scars? You asked this…

99. Color of your bedspread? Red.

100. Color of your room? White walls. Like the Mackelmore song.

#100 questions #100 answers #personal

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sherristockman · 7 years ago

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Documentary Unveils America’s Pharma-Driven Opioid Crisis and the Heartbreak It’s Causing Families Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola The HBO documentary “Warning: This Drug May Kill You,” details the devastating effect America’s pharma-driven opioid crisis is having on families and the victims themselves. The film, made by Perri Peltz and Sascha Weiss, features the perspectives of four families whose lives have been ripped apart as a result of opioid and heroin addiction. Opioid and heroin addiction — which public health officials have described1 as being the worst drug crisis in American history — affects about 2.5 million Americans, nearly half a million of whom are addicted to heroin,2 a dangerous street drug that prescription pill addicts can quickly turn to because the cost is significantly less than that of prescription painkillers. The term “opioid” is used to describe a class of drugs that includes the illegal drug heroin, as well as the legal prescription painkillers oxycodone, hydrocodone, codeine, morphine, fentanyl and others. Ironically, the silent but deadly opioid epidemic often starts with some of society’s most trusted professionals: doctors. As noted in the film, a significant number of opioid addictions begin with a trip to the doctor’s office or a hospital as a result of an injury or medical problem for which addictive painkillers are carelessly prescribed. It seems no medical problem is too minor for powerful prescription painkillers to be prescribed. This is depicted in the film, which details the story of a young woman from Beach Park, Illinois, who became addicted to OxyContin after being prescribed the medication for kidney stones. Not only are opioid pain medications (also called narcotic prescription painkillers) wildly overprescribed, but they are also often given without warning of the potential risks for addiction and/or resources to help deal with the possible risk of addiction. Nearly 260 Million Opioid Prescriptions Are Written in the US Each Year The number of opioid prescriptions has increased substantially over the last few decades. “In 2012, 259 million prescriptions were written for opioids, which is more than enough to give every American adult their own bottle of pills,” according to the American Society of Addiction Medicine.3 The result? Drug overdose is now our nation’s leading cause of accidental death. In 2015, accidental drug overdoses accounted for 52,404 deaths, with 20,101 of those deaths related to prescription pain relievers, and 12,990 linked to heroin. However, 80 percent of heroin users start out on prescription opioids.4 Despite the fact that Americans are dying at unprecedented rates due to Big Pharma’s prescription painkillers, the pharmaceutical industry is rarely named by the establishment media for its deadly role in the growing opioid epidemic. Kidney Stone Pain Morphs Into Deadly Opioid Addiction for Unsuspecting Teen Stephany Gay should have been getting her license and learning how to drive when she first became addicted to prescription painkillers. It all began when, at the tender age of 16, she started suffering from kidney stones and was prescribed OxyContin and Vicodin. It didn’t take long before Stephany, who had never done illegal drugs, developed a full-blown dependency on opioids. The teen confided in her mom after realizing she had developed an addiction. Her mother urged her to see a doctor, but when she did she came home with another prescription: This time it was for Percocet. Stephany also got her younger sister, Ashley, addicted to opioids after offering her the medication for headaches and a better night’s sleep. Stephany’s doctor eventually stopped prescribing her opioids, causing the sisters to turn to heroin to get their fix. Stephany says: “It made me feel like I could do anything. I felt like superwoman. I didn’t have anxiety. I didn’t feel depressed. I felt happy. I felt warm. I felt like it loved me and I loved it back. I felt like I had a relationship with heroin.” The sisters snorted heroin for a year before experimenting with a needle. Soon after Stephany started injecting, she lost the three-bedroom home she owned and custody of her young daughter. Ashley, who once told her mother she was “too pretty to die,” overdosed on heroin and died alone in a hotel room. Eighty Percent of Heroin Users Start With Prescription Opioids Part two of the documentary, “Addicted to Pills,” details the heartbreaking story of a wife and mother of five children who became addicted to opioids after being prescribed the medication for a Cesarean section. Wynne Doyle, from Mill Valley, California, stopped getting out of bed just one and a half months after giving birth to her third child. She became addicted fast, says Britt Doyle Sr., who later divorced his wife following years of addiction. Like many opioid addicts, Wynne went in and out of rehab multiple times, only to relapse again. The second rehab she entered was three times as costly as the first, says Britt Sr. But 28 days later his wife returned home with a “whole bunch of pills,” and her addiction started all over again, he says. Wynne’s addiction grew so intense that she would purposely injure herself in order to get more pills. “I watched her slam her hand in the car door one time, just so she could go to the emergency room,” said Britt Sr., adding that the doctors would always give his wife more pain medication. At one point, Wynne had shattered both of her wrists, but as soon as they healed she would hurt herself again just to get more pills. My wife became a “totally different person,” says Britt Sr. “It was like Jekyll and Hyde.” Seven years into her addiction and on his wife’s 11th stint in rehab, Britt Sr. had finally had enough. He moved the children out of the house and filed for divorce. Sometime later, Wynne, suffering from kidney stones, was prescribed more painkillers. She had eight bottles filled to the top sitting on her nightstand when her children found their mother lifeless in her bed. “When I saw the pills on her bedside table when she had passed, that was probably the most anger I could feel, ever, because she’s been to that hospital easily like 50 times,” said Britt Doyle Jr., Wynne’s daughter. “They’ve seen her there unconscious and had to like [sic] pump her stomach so many times. And yet she comes in there and they leave her with more?” she asks angrily. Adolescents Are 33 Percent More Likely to Misuse Opioids as Young Adults Part three of the documentary tells the story of Brendan Cole from Allendale, New Jersey. The teen was prescribed opioid painkillers after having a cyst surgically removed. Four years later he died of a heroin overdose. Before his death, Cole overdosed on heroin but was revived with Narcan after his dad woke in the middle of the night to find his son lying in an unnatural position on his bed. His lips were turning blue and “we heard the air come out of his lungs when we moved him,” said his parents tearfully. Narcan, or naloxone, is an overdose-reversal drug. It’s made by Amphastar Pharmaceuticals, which began what appears to be a clear case of price gouging, raising the cost of Narcan by as much as 100 percent. Cole recovered from the overdose, but the hospital failed to warn his family that patients revived with Narcan may experience intense cravings and withdrawal symptoms. As a result, no plan was put in place to help Cole overcome the cravings that would soon follow. The very next day, Cole overdosed again, and this time he could not be revived. 5In people with little drug experience, scientists theorize that “the initial experience of pain relief is pleasurable, and a safe initial experience with opioids may reduce perceived risk.” Synthetic Opioids Sold Via ‘Dark Web’ Implicated in Growing Number of Overdose Deaths In addition to prescription opioids, another threat looms: synthetic (and illegal) opioids sold through the dark web — the secret underbelly of the internet, initially created by American intelligence agencies for encrypted communication purposes. A recent piece by The New York Times6 sheds light on an emerging illicit drug trade involving dangerous synthetic opioids that are being shipped into the U.S. via small packages in the mail. The report reveals “that most of the illicit supply of synthetic opioids is produced in labs in Asia and especially China, where many of the precursor chemicals are either legal or easier to procure.” The synthetic opioids are said to be so potent that they “have become the fastest-growing cause of the overdose epidemic, overtaking heroin in some areas,” reports the Times. Synthetic opioids being shipped overseas include fentanyl, the infamous drug responsible for pop icon Prince’s death. Fentanyl is so potent that two milligrams is enough to kill and, unlike prescription pills, “enough fentanyl to get nearly 50,000 people high can fit in a standard first-class envelope,” the report warns. Synthetic opioids obtained through the internet are responsible for the deaths of two teenagers from Park City, Utah. Grant Seaver and Ryan Ainsworth, both 13 years old, died after taking a synthetic opioid known as U-47700, or Pinky. The boys reportedly obtained the drug from another teen who purchased them on the dark web using bitcoin. While synthetic opioids account for a small portion of overall trafficked drugs, law enforcement says “that dark web markets have quickly assumed a more prominent and frightening role.” Opioids Actually Alter Your Brain Structure Studies also suggest that drugs for physical and emotional pain may change your brain. In a study by researchers at the University of Alabama, people with chronic low back pain received either morphine or a placebo daily for one month. Both groups experienced similar reductions in pain, but there was a major difference among those taking morphine — changes in the brain. Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scans showed the patients taking morphine had a 3 percent reduction in gray matter volume over the course of the study. The reductions occurred in regions of the brain that regulate emotions, cravings and pain response.7 Further, the morphine group had increases in gray matter volume in areas related to learning, memory and executive function. Lead study author Joanne Lin told Reuters,8 "Because we are seeing that opioids rapidly change the brain, our take-home message is that opioids should be reserved for cases when most other treatment options have failed." Millions of Taxpayer Dollars Used for Opioid Prescriptions The Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) is a branch of the Department of Health and Human Services. CMS runs the Medicare program and monitors Medicaid programs run by the states. According to the Office of the Inspector General (OIG), spending on opioids in the Medicare system, which is funded by U.S. tax dollars through Medicare trust funds, grew at a faster rate than spending for all drugs. Data from the OIG shows that between 2006 and 2014, the number of Medicare recipients on opioids grew by 92 percent, compared to 68 percent for all drugs. Medicare recipients are also receiving multiple prescriptions for opioids for reasons other than cancer pain or terminal illness, the traditional uses for these strong medications. Medicaid programs, supported by taxpayers but administered by states, also reveal excessive opioid use and probable fraud.9 In 2010, 359,368 Medicaid enrollees received an opioid prescription amounting to over 2 million prescriptions, and again suggesting many prescriptions per patient.10 While Medicaid programs likely provide generic combinations of the active ingredient in OxyContin, hydrocodone, to patients, which costs about $28 for a 120-day supply (compared with $632 for the brand name OxyContin),11 taxpayers are still paying at least $56 million for Medicaid opioid prescriptions. The cost of the opioid prescriptions does not take into consideration state-run drug treatment programs and services that are required if and when enrollees become addicted. OxyContin Manufacturer Pays One of the Largest Pharma Settlements in US History In December 2015, Purdue Pharmaceuticals, the maker of OxyContin, settled an ongoing lawsuit brought by the state of Kentucky for $24 million over presenting OxyContin as "nonaddictive."12 Purdue contended that the pill slowly releases the drug over 12 hours when swallowed, omitting the fact that, when crushed, OxyContin lost its time release protections and created an instant high. "State officials said that led to a wave of addiction and increased medical costs across the state, particularly in eastern Kentucky where many injured coal miners were prescribed the drug," reported The Associated Press. The 2015 settlement is similar to one Purdue agreed to in 2007 with the state of West Virginia, when it agreed to pay out $634 million because "fraudulent conduct caused a greater amount of OxyContin to be available for illegal use than otherwise would have been available."13 Despite the lawsuits, OxyContin remains on the market. FDA Orders Drugmaker to Stop Selling Opioid Painkiller Opioid manufacturer Endo Pharmaceuticals hasn’t been so lucky, however. In an unprecedented move by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), health officials have ordered Endo to remove the opioid painkiller Opana ER from the market due to the conclusion that “the drug’s risks outweigh its benefits,” reported CBS News.14 “It's the first time the FDA has asked a drugmaker to remove an opioid painkiller from the market,” CBS said. “The agency said it has seen a ‘significant shift’ from people crushing and snorting Opana ER to get high to injecting it.” If the drugmaker refuses to comply with the FDA’s request to pull the opioid from the market, the agency can begin a “formal process for rescinding its approval.” Drug Companies Try to Cash in on Opioid Epidemic While an increasing number of Americans suffer the devastating effects of opioid addiction, pharmaceutical companies are battling it out to become the top seller of addiction medications. As was highlighted in a recent NPR report,15 rather than working to make various effective treatments for opioid addiction more readily available to those who need it, the pharmaceutical industry is actively trying to stomp out its competitors by restricting access to important addiction medications. One example of this includes the global biopharmaceutical company Alkermes and its non-opioid addiction medication, Vivitrol, a monthly injection that costs around $1,000. Alkermes, based in Waltham, Massachusetts, is working vigorously to promote its drug at the legislative level as a solution to our nation’s growing opioid epidemic — and while doing so (in some cases) is restricting access to other opioid addiction medications through policy that makes it harder for doctors to prescribe alternatives to Vivitrol. “An investigation by NPR and Side Effects Public Media has found that in statehouses across the country, and in Congress, Alkermes is pushing Vivitrol while contributing to misconceptions and stigma about other medications used to treat opioid addiction,” NPR reports. Experts disagree about which opioid addiction medications are most effective. Some argue opioid maintenance drugs like methadone and buprenorphine — both of which contain opioids — are fueling the opioid crisis due to their street value and the idea that offering them to addicts means replacing one opioid for another. Others argue that opioid maintenance medications relieve painful withdrawal symptoms and reduce or eliminate intense cravings. Federal health agencies and the American Society of Addiction Medicine agree that “opioid abstinence can be dangerous,” says NPR. While there are no studies comparing Vivitrol to methadone or buprenorphine, Alkermes touts Vivitrol as the more effective, opioid-free solution. Alkermes has significantly increased its spending on federal lobbying, spending $4.4 million in 2016 compared to less than $200,000 in 2010. “Last year, Vivitrol's sales reached $209 million — up from just $30 million in 2011,” NPR reports, adding that Alkermes projects sales could reach $1 billion by 2021. Treating Your Pain Without Drugs While opioid painkillers may relieve pain temporarily, the addiction risks can quickly send you spiraling out of control down a dark and dangerous path. As shown in the film, many families touched by opioid addiction end up suffering for years before finally losing a loved one to addiction. The good news is there are many natural alternatives to treating pain. It’s particularly important to avoid opioids when trying to address long-term chronic pain, as your body will create a tolerance to the drug. Over time, you may require greater doses at more frequent intervals to achieve the same pain relief. This is a recipe for disaster and could have lethal consequences. Following is information about non-drug remedies, dietary changes and bodywork interventions that can help you manage your pain. ✓ Medical cannabis Medical marijuana has a long history as a natural analgesic and is now legal in 28 states. You can learn more about the laws in your state on medicalmarijuana.procon.org.16 ✓ Kratom Kratom (Mitragyna speciose) is a plant remedy that has become a popular opioid substitute.17 In August 2016, the DEA issued a notice saying it was planning to ban kratom, listing it as a Schedule 1 controlled substance. However, following massive outrage from kratom users who say opioids are their only alternative, the agency reversed its decision.18 Kratom is safer than an opioid for someone in serious and chronic pain. However, it’s important to recognize that it is a psychoactive substance and should be used carefully. There’s very little research showing how to use it safely and effectively, and it may have a very different effect from one person to the next. The other issue to address is that there are a number of different strains available with different effects. Also, while it may be useful for weaning people off opioids, kratom is in itself addictive. So, while it appears to be a far safer alternative to opioids, it’s still a powerful and potentially addictive substance. So please, do your own research before trying it. ✓ Low-Dose Naltrexone (LDN) Naltrexone is an opiate antagonist, originally developed in the early 1960s for the treatment of opioid addiction. When taken at very low doses LDN, available only by prescription, triggers endorphin production, which can boost your immune function and ease pain. ✓ Curcumin A primary therapeutic compound identified in the spice turmeric, curcumin has been shown in more than 50 clinical studies to have potent anti-inflammatory activity. Curcumin is hard to absorb, so best results are achieved with preparations designed to improve absorption. It is very safe and you can take two to three every hour if you need to. ✓ Astaxanthin One of the most effective oil-soluble antioxidants known, astaxanthin has very potent anti-inflammatory properties. Higher doses are typically required for pain relief, and you may need 8 milligrams or more per day to achieve results. ✓ Boswellia: Also known as boswellin or "Indian frankincense," this herb contains powerful anti-inflammatory properties, which have been prized for thousands of years. This is one of my personal favorites, as it worked well for many of my former rheumatoid arthritis patients. ✓ Bromelain: This protein-digesting enzyme, found in pineapples, is a natural anti-inflammatory. It can be taken in supplement form, but eating fresh pineapple may also be helpful. Keep in mind most of the bromelain is found within the core of the pineapple, so consider eating some of the pulpy core when you consume the fruit. ✓ Cayenne cream Also called capsaicin cream, this spice comes from dried hot peppers. It alleviates pain by depleting your body's supply of substance P, a chemical component of nerve cells that transmit pain signals to your brain. ✓ Cetyl myristoleate (CMO) This oil, found in dairy butter and fish, acts as a joint lubricant and anti-inflammatory. I have used a topical preparation of CMO to relieve ganglion cysts and a mild case of carpal tunnel syndrome. ✓ Evening primrose, black currant and borage oils These oils contain the fatty acid gamma-linolenic acid, which is useful for treating arthritic pain. ✓ Ginger This herb is anti-inflammatory and offers pain relief and stomach-settling properties. Fresh ginger works well steeped in boiling water as a tea, or incorporated into fresh vegetable juice. Dietary Changes to Fight Inflammation and Manage Your Pain Unfortunately, physicians often fall short when attempting to effectively treat chronic pain, resorting to the only treatment they know: prescription drugs. While these drugs may bring some temporary relief, they will do nothing to resolve the underlying causes of your pain. If you suffer from chronic pain, making the following changes to your diet may bring you some relief. ✓ Consume more animal-based omega-3 fats. Similar to the effects of anti-inflammatory pharmaceutical drugs, omega-3 fats from fish and fish oils work to directly or indirectly modulate a number of cellular activities associated with inflammation. While drugs have a powerful ability to inhibit your body’s pain signals, omega-3s cause a gentle shift in cell signaling to bring about a lessened reactivity to pain. Eating healthy seafood like anchovies or sardines, which are low in environmental toxins, or taking a high-quality supplement such as krill oil are your best options for obtaining omega-3s. DHA and EPA, the omega-3 oils contained in krill oil, have been found in many animal and clinical studies to have anti-inflammatory properties, which are beneficial for pain relief. ✓ Radically reduce your intake of processed foods. Processed foods not only contain chemical additives and excessive amounts of sugar, but also are loaded with damaging omega-6 fats. By eating these foods, especially fried foods, you upset your body’s ratio of omega-3 to omega-6 fatty-acids, which triggers inflammation. Inflammation is a key factor in most pain. ✓ Eliminate or radically reduce your consumption of grains and sugars. Avoiding grains and sugars, especially fructose, will lower your insulin and leptin levels. Elevated insulin and leptin levels are some of the most profound stimulators of inflammatory prostaglandin production, which contributes to pain. While healthy individuals are advised to keep their daily fructose consumption below 25 grams from all sources, you’ll want to limit your intake to 15 grams per day until your pain is reduced. Eating sugar increases your uric acid levels, which leads to chronic, low-level inflammation. ✓ Optimize your production of vitamin D. As much as possible, regulate your vitamin D levels by regularly exposing large amounts of your skin to sunshine. If you cannot get sufficient sun exposure, taking an oral vitamin D3 supplement, along with vitamin K2 and magnesium, is highly advisable. Research by GrassrootsHealth suggests adults need about 8,000 IUs per day to achieve a serum level of 40 ng/ml, but you may need even more. It’s best to get your blood level tested to be sure you're safely within the therapeutic range. Bodywork Methods That Reduce Pain Due to the inherent risks of addiction and the other unpleasant side effects of prescription painkillers, I recommend you pursue one or more of the following bodywork methods before taking a narcotic for pain. Each one has been demonstrated to be an effective treatment for lasting pain relief and management. • Acupuncture: According to The New York Times,19 an estimated 3 million American adults receive acupuncture annually, most often for the treatment of chronic pain. A study20 published in the Archives of Internal Medicine concluded acupuncture has a definite effect in reducing four types of chronic pain, including back and neck pain, chronic headache, osteoarthritis and shoulder pain — more so than standard pain treatment. • Chiropractic adjustments: While previously used most often to treat back pain, chiropractic treatment addresses many other problems — including asthma, carpal tunnel syndrome, fibromyalgia, headaches, migraines, musculoskeletal pain, neck pain and whiplash. According to a study21 published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, patients with neck pain who used a chiropractor and/or exercise were more than twice as likely to be pain-free in 12 weeks compared to those who took medication. • Massage: Massage releases endorphins, which help induce relaxation, relieve pain and reduce levels of stress chemicals such as cortisol and noradrenaline. A systematic review and meta-analysis22 published in the journal Pain Medicine, included 60 high-quality and seven low-quality studies that looked into the use of massage for various types of pain, including bone and muscle, fibromyalgia, headache and spinal-cord pain. The study revealed massage therapy relieves pain better than getting no treatment at all. When compared to other pain treatments like acupuncture and physical therapy, massage therapy still proved beneficial and had few side effects. In addition to relieving pain, massage therapy also improved anxiety and health-related quality of life. • Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT): EFT continues to be one of the easiest and most effective ways to deal with acute and chronic pain. The technique is simple and can be applied in mere minutes, helping you to overcome all kinds of bodily aches and pains. A study23 published in Energy Psychology examined the levels of pain in a group of 50 people attending a three-day EFT workshop, and found their pain dropped by 43 percent during the workshop. Six weeks later, their pain levels were reported to be 42 percent lower than before the workshop. As a result of applying EFT, participants felt they had an improved sense of control and ability to cope with their chronic pain. In the video featured below, EFT expert Julie Schiffman, teaches you how to use EFT to address chronic pain.

#VitalityPath

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