#a block is a HARD boundary to put down. the hardest

[nicnevans]

not gonna put op on blast but a post just crossed my dash that's just. this

and i'm sorry but if your block list is in the hundreds that's not normal and maybe you need to block less and just get comfortable with the fact that other peoples' thoughts and opinions might brush against yours in ways you don't immediately like. talk about it. consider their perspectives. broaden your horizons. if your block list is in the hundreds the only common denominator there is you. there comes a point were curating your space is just an excuse for controlling it and trying to control who can and cannot interact with you and your close friends and that just isn't healthy, and it certainly isn't a healthy way to engage with a fandom space which is by definition a shared one.

[miguelswifey04]

mentally gone... (miguel o'hara x gender neutral! reader)

in which y/n suffers a brain injury, in a coma, and miguel loses his one and only.

WARNING: angst, suffering, trauma, near death experience (?)

part 2, part 1

miguel felt something break inside of him. he heard something shatter. maybe it was the sound of his heart breaking into millions of pieces he just didn’t know what to do. he just lost someone so important to him again. this can’t be. no not this again…

“no, no, NO!” he yelled out, “this can’t be…you mean to tell me they lost their memories?!” he didn’t know what to do but just stare at the doctor. he did not want to believe anything he just heard from the doctor saying you had amnesia. he did know you hit your head hard onto the ground but he just did not want to consider that possibility at all. he wanted all of this to be a wicked nightmare. oh god, he just wanted it to just be a nightmare. ‘please be a nightmare’ miguel begged to his brain…but he had to face the reality of it all. it was indeed not a nightmare.

miguel began to cry as he walked by your side. you looked at him as you furrowed your brows as you were so confused at the fact a stranger was crying over you. you didn’t know what to do but wince at the headache that you had as you held your head in your hands feeling the fabric of the bandages that were wrapped around you head. you looked up at him again and started to feel somewhat bad for him. he was distraught and a mess. miguel came closer to you as he fell down onto his knees besides your hospital bed and became to apologize profusely in between sobs.

“i—i’m so so s-orry, this is all my fault,” he held his face in his hands still on the edge of you bed. you were stunned to say the least and felt various emotions clash with one another in your heart. this was all too much for you, and you didn’t even recognize the poor man who was crying over you. you wanted to say something anything to get this man to stop crying.

you cautiously reached out to him as you put your hand on his shoulder. he immediately looked up to you as he shakily wiped his tears as his chest rose up and down viciously. you could tell he was shaking so badly. you felt bad. “i’m trying my hardest to remember but i can’t it hurts to try to recall any of my memories.” that’s all you’ve managed to say and his face fell to one of the horrors you would see in a horror movie. he was mortified towards the fact that you may never ever recognize him ever again or even if you did you probably wouldn’t feel the same way you once did for him ever again.

“please, it’s okay y/n…i’ll do my best for you to remember me again.” miguel said his voice quaking as he pleaded. he was looking for any signs that may indicate that you might remember quite literally anything but none were evident. a few more tears began to cascade down his chiseled face as he sniffled. he had dried tear stains on his face from his previous tears but all of that was washed clean with new ones. he reached out to grab a hand from you but you slightly flinched from his touch so he gently retrieved it back.

you stood there silent. you were confused and conflicted with a man who was promising you to make you remember. a man who was devoted to make you somewhat bring back your memories that have been blocked for who knows how long. how are you supposed to trust a man who you don’t even know? do you just take his word for it or deny him? “i just don’t know.” you muttered under your breath.

miguel was clinging on the last threads of hope. his stomach churned at your words and god did they stab him deep in the heart. he wanted to just hold you so tightly but he didn’t because he did not want to overstep your boundaries because after all you weren’t the same person he once fell in love with. you were a whole new person. miguel knew he needed to respect that as much as he did not want to accept it.

he took shallow deep breaths as he stood up on his own feet. most of the air he breathed did not fill his lungs properly. he would clench and unclench his fists as a way to sooth his internal aching. “i understand how you feel but please i’ll make you remember us. we had it all…god i’m such a fucking fool for never telling you that i loved you…”

“you loved me?”

“yes. yes i did and i still do. i’ll do anything i can to make you fall back in love with me.”

“i—i don’t know.” you knew he had to give it up now but you did not know that miguel was the type of person to never give up. he knew this time he had to try his very best to bring back the person he once loved. he did not care if it would take him years to make you fall for him. he just didn’t care because what he was not going to do was give up. at the very least you were alive but you weren’t the person miguel knew. you seemed unbothered and confused and in a way lifeless even though your soul was still intact. in a sense a part of you did die when you were knocked unconscious and fell off a building.

miguel left your room and gave you one last glance through the window of your hospital room and disappeared. you felt a twinge of sadness in your heart as you felt alone in your hospital room that was filled by beeps of the machines and the sound of the IV dropping from the bag. you didn’t understand why you felt that way but you did, but you brushed off that feeling as you looked up at the ceiling trying to remember. nothing came to mind.

miguel was consumed by his loneliness and that loneliness turned into angry outbursts. everyone noticed the slight change in miguel’s mannerisms and random emotional outbursts. he was a broken man just trying to make sense of it all while the responsibility of the multiverse were at his shoulders. jess and peter, even gwen and hobie tried to stir clear of his wrath. everyone was quite afraid to make him angry but you did not know that. you did not know anything that was going on. you were kept in the dark even though people would visit you.

this was a battle that you and miguel were facing alone. who will overcome their battles and who will lose?

…

a/n: let me know if you want me to continue this <3

@omartheuwu @arianyo

[bindupthesebrokenbones]

Sometimes wellness blogs focus so much on making self-care and wellness look fun and aesthetic, that they forget to even talk about the hard part of self-care. Or perhaps they choose not to, because they don't want to or aren't ready to discuss the struggles that they battle every day.

And that's okay, but it's important to remember that those hard parts do exist.

Today I want to talk about the hard tasks involved in self-care.

Before we start, I want to make it very clear that the purpose of this post is not to put pressure on you. My goal here is not to invoke guilt, self-hatred, frustration, or shame. Firstly because this is, first and foremost, a Safe Space, and secondly because causing those emotions is not going to help you.

That said, if you find yourself feeling any of those things while you read this post, I encourage you to take a break, get a drink or snack, and come back to this later.

The Dark Underbelly of Self Care

That sounds ominous, doesn't it? I wanted to drag a little humor in here kicking and screaming to make this easier. It's not easy to talk about these things, and I'm sure it's not easy to hear about them.

This past week, readers may have noticed that I struggled with posting. That wasn't the only thing I struggled with - this was a bad week for me, and that's why I chose this topic for today.

I'll break the post down into my usual self care categories, and you can decide which ones are your weakest and focus there, or you can read the whole thing. It is a bit long though, I apologize.

Physical

Physical self care means taking care of your body. When we focus on the bright and beautiful side of things, this means spa days, nice food, and plenty of rest.

What else? What else does your body need to be healthy? Things that might be hard for people with mental illness to do on a regular basis include:

Showering

Dental Hygiene

Medication for physical illness (diabetes, chronic pain, thyroid conditions, high or low blood pressure, etc.)

Eating balanced meals

Getting plenty of hydration (preferably water)

Getting out of bed

Mental

Mental self care is about keeping your mind sharp. You might do this by doing puzzles, playing strategy games, or taking classes to learn new things.

The hard part of mental self-care is that people with mental illness often struggle with memory loss, confusion, aphasia (being unable to think of common words), and creativity, or lack thereof.

It's important to keep up with thought and creative activities to maintain your mental wellness, even when it gets frustrating.

Try:

Taking a class

Choose something to research on your own time

Complete word puzzles (like crossword), number puzzles (like sudoku), or cryptograms

Creative challenges like prompt lists, "30 days of...", or art games like pictionary

Emotional

A lot of self-care blogs (myself included at times) will focus on things that make you feel good. But if you're struggling with emotional wellness, you also have to remember...

Taking medications (like antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, etc.)

Practicing mindfulness and grounding exercises

Acknowledging your mistakes

Apologizing for causing other people distress or pain

Taking responsibility for your actions - even accidents and actions performed while under the influence or during an "episode"

Reaching out for help

Attending therapy or counseling sessions

Social

Social self care can sometimes be the hardest one to advocate for. Some people may take a "focus on yourself" approach, which emphasizes setting boundaries, saying no, and blocking out time for solo activities. Some people take a "reaching out" approach, focusing on building relationships, engaging in social activities with friends, and developing family bonds.

The hard part of social self care is balancing it all. We all have different social needs and tolerances, and developing social care skills is going to be difficult if you're trying to follow someone else's formula.

Hard social self care can include:

Setting boundaries and enforcing them

Reaching out for help

Saying "no" to requests

Balancing solo time with social time

Stepping away from social media

Saying "yes" to events and activities

Leaving the bubble of your comfort zone

Spiritual

Spiritual wellness is all about finding your purpose in life and developing your morals. If you're in a spiral of not knowing what to do, what the point of living is, why you should even try, you might need to focus on some spiritual care.

This doesn't have to be religious, and none of my listed suggestions are religion-locked. Give some of these a shot, even if they're a challenge for you.

Volunteer

Meditate

Keep a journal

Practice forgiveness

Donate to a cause, if you have the funds

Environmental

Environmental wellness is the hardest one for me. This involves keeping your home clean enough to be a healthy place to live, and it can be frustrating. For environmental self-care, please remember to:

Wash the dishes

Take out the trash

Sweep/Vacuum/Mop regularly

Put away things that have been sitting out (declutter)

Treat your home for pests

Clean your windows and open the shades during the day (if it's not too hot)

Change your HVAC filters every 1-3 months

Clean up after your pets

Many of these activities can be beneficial for multiple categories of care, and you may need or struggle with some of them more than others. That's alright. Struggling means that you're still learning, still developing an understanding of your needs.

Please remember to take care of yourselves, and I'll see you tomorrow.

[thenonconformistcurmudgeon]

Breukelen

I was born and grew up on the cement sidewalks and playgrounds of Brooklyn in a multiethnic/multiracial blue-collar neighborhood but it was not to be my ultimate destination. Although there was so much to love about my surroundings, I knew it was not where I wanted to end up.  Watching my father and the other fathers trudge home from the subways and buses from jobs they despised, I wanted something poles apart for myself.  I knew education was my way out to achieve my goals of not being a slave to the weekly paycheck, to be able to travel, to be in nature, to experience beauty.  

The sweaty men coming home from their factory jobs appeared so beaten down. There was great honor in what they did.  Providing for their family, giving their children the opportunities for something more, knowing they themselves would never be able to have it. Their pride in their children was their joy and their blessings.  The mothers had dinner just about ready when the fathers walked through the door. Their lives were about home, children, and subjugating desires in the hopes for a better life for their children. From the mothers and fathers, I learned hard work and persistence were necessary to achieve goals even if the goals were discrepant.

In the summer, the pavement would heat up and you could feel the hot steam radiating off the sidewalk. There was the heat of the summer sun with limited tree canopy, and becoming quickly drenched with perspiration from the unbearable humidity. In the month of June, school was oppressive from the heat and little academic work was attempted. In the winter, little heat from the furnace was used at night, and I’d shiver in bed from the cold.  My views of Brooklyn run hot and cold as well.

In some ways it was a magical place full of freedom and reckless abandon. The corner candy store with penny candies such as dots, bazooka bubble gum and licorice. Baseball cards could be bought for a think a dime with 5 cards and the rock hardest piece of gum. The endless games on the street and in the cement playgrounds. With a simple rubber ball, you could play stickball, box ball, stoop ball, hit the penny, punch ball, handball, and likely others that I can’t recall. You could walk around the block to see friends, even if it was to just hang out on the stoop.

I learned teamwork from the ceaseless playground sports, a lifelong skill that came in handy no matter the setting.  Being such a diverse neighborhood, I learned to read people well, so one could get along. Being Brooklyn, you also learned how to playfully harass each other and accept being chided.  An important aptitude was knowing how far you could go and the boundaries. Certainly, no one would get away with being haughty and were quickly put in their place.

There was a time my father came home with a coat for me.  It was a cheap knockoff fake leather coat and I surely knew that my friends would give me hell for wearing it.  Despite knowing what would happen, to please my father I wore it once or twice, and sure enough my friends wasted no time making fun of me and the coat. I stopped wearing it and my father didn’t understand why I wouldn’t wear it while my friends would also question why I wasn’t wearing it but their interests were not so benevolent.

However, like the heat, the community could be stifling. There was not a lot in the way of beauty, art, nature and intellectual curiosity. The palette was bland in many ways. All were economically struggling families so in that way there was not much diversity in lifestyle.  You had to go into Manhattan (the city), to see folks leading a more varied cultural and economic journeys.

I loved the bohemia of Greenwich village.  The varied ways people dressed, acted, sexual orientations, and the freedoms it encouraged. The museums of the city allowed me to see art, beauty, culture, and have a greater anthropological understanding of the animal kingdom and humanity.  The talent at a Broadway play was astounding.   The music, dance, acting, singing, costumes, set designs are all awe-inspiring.  I’d walk down fifth avenue and watch wealthy people shop and wonder how did all those people get so much money as I personally didn’t know anyone like that. I’d go into Saks Fifth Avenue to use the bathroom but would wander the fur department and be transported into a different civilization.

Although as a teen and a young man, I thought I’d end up in Greenwich Village as my escape from Brooklyn, it was not to be. My friends foresaw my future better than I could. I guess they were good at reading people too.  My friends had a nickname for me, nature boy, as I would take girls to prospect park, the botanic gardens, and any green space I could find.  I guess it is no surprise I spent over 30 years living in the forest in Maine surrounded by greens turning to yellows, reds, oranges, browns in the autumn.

Although I made my break from Brooklyn at age 18, Brooklyn is deeply ingrained in my character, nature, soul. I can still be the fast talking, wise cracking guttersnipe who doesn’t let a friend or associate get away with being snooty. For nature boy also likes taking down myself or someone else a peg or two.  Brooklyn has never been politically correct but within its historical diversity you accept we are all alike, no better nor worse than each other. I’ve been told I can come across very self-assured and confident in my proclamations, but I too am just that guy in the fake leather vinyl coat. Go ahead, take a swipe at me, the kid from Brooklyn can take it.

[mammonshuman92]

- It Takes Two - Pt. 2

(Mammon x Gn!MC)

Genre: angst to fluff (the fluff is coming I promise lol)

Warnings: cheating, not proof read , if i missed any TW’s I apologize

“We’re a little busy right now.” A familiar voice, biting and arrogant, came from his lap. His eyes widened, whipping his head around to look at you in his lap. Except it wasn’t you. It was her. His heartbeat accelerated as panic began to set in.

“No, no, no, no, no.” He chanted, standing up in an instant, causing the succubus to fall to the floor with a thud and a few profanities. As events began to unfold and the puzzle pieces started fitting together; when it was already too late, he realized what he’d done. A hard lump instantaneously forming in his throat. He turned to you, eyes wide with terror, hands on either side of his head tangling in his hair.

“MC..I..I-It’s not wh- I thought-” He choked out.

He followed your line of sight, which was glued to his undone pants and obvious arousal. With shaky hands and fingers unwilling to cooperate, he fumbled with his zipper, struggling to get it up. Arms from behind snaked around his middle, gently clawing at his chest. 

“Shall we finish what we started?” She hummed seductively, staring daggers directly at you.

You shook your head, a sob escaping your lips as a fresh wave of tears streamed down your cheeks. You brushed past Asmo, disappearing out the doorway.

What’s goin’ on..? ...This can’t be happenin’..

He shoved the girl’s arms off of him without saying a word, a scowl spreading across her face. He made a beeline for the door, Asmo quickly stepping in front of him to block his way. “Don’t. You’ve done enough..” With venom lacing his tone, he looked the succubus up and down. He turned his glare on his brother for just a moment, the utter disgust they held was evident, before running out the door after you. As his figure disappeared, Mammon could feel the reality, the weight of the situation setting in.

His heart was pounding against his ribcage, breathing becoming erratic. The lump in his throat was unwavering, choking him as tears streamed down his cheeks. The gravity of it all bringing him to his knees.

“How moving.” The voice behind him scoffed, reminding him of her presence, “It almost seems like you love them.”

His head whipped around to see her, lounging casually on the sofa as if nothing had happened.

“You.” He growled, harshly wiping his face with the back of his hand as he stood up.

 “Stay the fuck away from me!” He snarled.

She laughed lightly as she stood from the couch, crossing the floor until she was right in front of him. “Don’t be like that. Ten minutes ago you were ready to nail me on that couch.” She purred, her finger trailing down his chest, quickly moving lower. Like a flash, he grabbed her wrists and held her hands up in the air in front of her.

“Let me make one thing very clear to you right now. I don’t want ya. I only made out with you and shit because I thought ya were MC. I would never willingly do anything to hurt them.” He glared at her, making sure she caught that emphasis, before dropping her hands. “Your jealousy bullshit, and making moves on me while I’m drunk just made me lose the one thing that has ever been good about me..” He trailed off, releasing his grip in her.

She rolled her eyes, “Why are you getting so worked up over a human? There’s nothing special about-”

“Excuse me?” He growled. 

Mammon has always been the level-headed one when it comes to altercations, believe it or not. He never usually lets his anger get the best of him. After thousands of years of being the scummy brother, the thief, the loser, he got used to just letting people’s words fall upon deaf ears, so to say. But, that was not the case this time. You see, anyone could say whatever they wanted to about him, he didn’t care. He could handle whatever was thrown at him. 

You, on the other hand? Well, you’re flawless. In every miniscule way, you were perfect. That’s not saying that you don’t make mistakes, or drive him crazy sometimes, but to him there was absolutely not a thing about you he would change. Everything you did, everything you were, was absolutely immaculate.

Rage bubbled in his gut.

Leaning in closely, he towered over her, radiating ire. “I’m not gonna sit here and discuss why you’re wrong, seein’ as how it’d take all day, but what I am gonna to say is for a lesser demon, ya might wanna reconsider who you’re talking to. He spat, “Say one more thing about MC, and it’ll be the last time ya speak..” He whispered, glaring at her for a moment before taking a step back.

“Stay away from me and MC.” He warned once more, daggers in his eyes as he turned and bolted through the door.

If he had any shred of hope left, it was that you would talk to him and let him explain everything. He knew it was shitty, after everything that just went down, to even consider the possibility of you forgiving him, but he held onto that little shred of hope. Had he been in the right state of mind, had she not taken advantage of the situation and the state he was in, he would’ve never even stayed in the same room with that girl, much less go as far as he had.

He felt awful. Whether he was so drunk he was convinced it was you on his lap or not, he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. After seeing the horror, the heartbreak on your face; the tears that stained your cheeks because of something he’d done, he kinda didn’t want you to forgive him. He didn’t want to lose you, couldn’t imagine continuing on without you in his life, by his side. But if you hated him now, he wouldn’t blame you. He deserved it. And he would live with it for the rest of his existence, knowing that he messed up his only chance at true happiness; at spending his life with his soulmate.

-

You bobbed and weaved as quickly as you could through the crowd of club patrons, needing to get far away from here as fast as you could, as your impending breakdown was sure to be a sight to see.

You were already so out of it; physically present but mentally, your brain had already shut off. Not quite sure how to handle the current situation. All the faces in the club were just a blur; you could feel the bass of the music reverberating inside your chest, but you couldn’t hear anything. Kind of like when you’re somewhere so quiet, the absence of sound feels so heavy, deafening.

You had to get out of here. Heart hammering wildly, you felt as if you couldn’t breathe; like the walls were closing in on you. A panic attack was setting in. Finally free of the sea of people, you darted out the front door of the establishment, running as fast as your legs would take you back to the House of Lamentation. Hoping that no one else would be home to see you; becoming witness to your unraveling.

-

*bing*

*bing, bing* *bing*

Your D.D.D. continued going off with near constant notifications well into the night. You could’ve just put it on silent, but you just couldn’t seem to move, frozen by heartbreak. Apparently several pictures were going viral on Devilgram, leaking this rumor and that regarding the second born and the succubus. Further making you look and feel like a complete fool.

Mammon had also been blowing up your phone since you made it back to the HOL. He had even come by your room in an attempt to talk to you but once he realized the door was locked, which had never happened the entire time you’ve lived here, he sat outside the door begging you to open it as loud sobs escaped him. As much as you wanted to, you didn’t budge.

Of course you still love him. How could you not? Hearing his desperate pleas and heartbroken sobs was almost too much for you. Although you were the one who had been betrayed, you wanted nothing more than to fling the door open, latch yourself onto him and never let go. But you couldn’t. Cheating is a dealbreaker. It’d happened before, in previous relationships, but shit this one hurt so bad, worse than any other heartbreak you’d had.

He had his faults, much like everyone, but he was so perfect for you, and treated you like you’d always dreamed. This couldn’t really be the end could it? Over, just like that? Completely smitten and in love two days ago, to heartbroken, crying on the bathroom floor. 

How are you supposed to move on from this? He’s your best friend. Or, was. How are you supposed to pass him in the hall, or eat dinner, or have House movie nights in the common room? How are you supposed to act like you're not still in love with him..?

-

The next week was pretty rough, to say the least.

You stayed locked away in your room when you weren’t at RAD; replaying the moment you saw them together, crying until the tears no longer fell; effectively torturing yourself. They’d all come knocking at your door countless times, trying their best to make you feel better. And while you appreciated it wholly, it didn’t help.

Avoiding Mammon was probably one of the hardest things you’d ever done, seeing as how you kinda live together. While it was extremely hard not to just run up to him and latch onto him like you always did, it seemed harder to just avoid him in general. 

During the first few days, he left small presents outside your door, had a couple of his brothers slip you notes, and waited for you after class a few times. After using every ounce of your willpower to avoid him, he left you alone. He still messaged you several times a day though, apologizing profusely, begging you to talk to him.

But, it was better this way right? Like ripping off a band-aid? 

That’s what you’d always heard anyway. Instead of asking questions and demanding answers as to why someone else chose to hurt you, you just cut it off right there, ghosting them; removing yourself completely from their life. Because if they truly cared, really loved you, they wouldn’t make the conscious decision to do something that they know would hurt you, that stepped outside the boundaries of your relationship. Their reasoning doesn’t matter. Aside from living in the same house and attending the same school, you had pretty much ghosted him.

In public anyway. In the privacy of your room, where you could feel everything to its fullest, you’d spend hours going through pictures, skimming Devilgram for any new gossip about the two of them. Re-reading your old text messages, finger hovering over the send button of the text you’d typed out a hundred times before deleting it and tossing your phone, a new wave of tears pricking your eyes.

-

Unable to sleep, he’d tossed and turned in his bed so much that his body ached and one of the corners of his sheet had popped off the bed. With a heavy sigh, he rolled over and grabbed his D.D.D. off the nightstand. Squinting his eyes harshly when he unlocked the phone.

“3:41am” He groaned, tossing the phone back onto the nightstand. He turned back over, facing the empty side of his bed. Sure, he didn’t often share it before you, but once you started sleeping together, he wasn’t sure how he’d ever slept before you came along. It just felt right. Your body molded against his, sleeping peacefully in his arms.

His hand trailed down the cold, empty sheets; the slight disruption releasing your smell. A hard lump formed in his throat as tears pooled behind his lash line. He sat up quickly, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms. With a heavy sigh, he stood up and grabbed a pair of pajama pants, making his way to the door. If he had any hope of being able to fall asleep again, he’d need some help drowning his thoughts.

He quietly made his way to the kitchen, fully intending to turn up the bottle of Demonus Lucifer kept hidden in the dark recesses of the pantry. As soon as he stepped foot in the kitchen, he froze.

It had only been seven days, but it felt like a lifetime. Seven days without being in the same room as you for more than just a moment before you ran in any direction as long as it was away from him. Not that he could blame you. He wanted to run away from himself..

Which is exactly what he was determined to do with Demonus, had he not stumbled upon you sitting with your back to the fridge, crying into a half eaten container of chocolate frosting. 

Immediately alerted to the figure in the doorway, you jumped up, attempting to wipe at your face as you muttered an apology, but paled when you saw who it was that disturbed you. You slowly sat the container on the counter, keeping your eyes fixed on the man in the doorway.

What was left of his heart, shattered at the sight of you. Your eyes were puffy and red with dark bags underneath them. The same eyes that looked at him with such deep burning love, were now dull and lifeless as you stared at him. You were visibly broken, anyone could see that. He was the reason you looked like this; like an abandoned puppy, beaten and abused. He hated it. Hated himself.

He moved out of the doorway and into the kitchen, freeing up the only way out in case you wanted to run. Not that he blamed you. If he could run from himself right now, he would.

But, now you were in the same room together for the first time in a week and he didn’t want to waste the opportunity. Maybe if he just started talking you would listen, even just a tiny bit to what he had to say.

“MC, I-”

“Don’t.” Your voice trembled slightly as your eyes began to sting.

“Please, just hear me-”

“And what are you going to say, hm? That you’re sorry? Sorry you did it, or sorry you got caught?” You hissed with tears in your eyes. Mammon slightly recoiled from the tone of your voice, a tone he’d never heard from you. You hated being this way; angry and bitter, wanting him to hurt like you did. It was surely petty, but you didn’t care.

“MC, listen, I swear I didn’t do anythin’, okay? I was still goin’ strong from an all night drinkin’ binge, an-and she just showed up in the VIP lounge. I told her to fuck off but she didn’t listen. I was already pretty out of it when things started happenin’ and I thought it was you. I thought it was you the whole time! I-I didn’t know it was her till I heard you and Asmo and realized what happened! She took advantage of the situation, of me bein’ way too drunk..” He was talking so fast, trying to get out the words he’d been wanting to say to you. 

Narrowing your eyes, you stared at him suspiciously.

What if he really didn’t do it on purpose..? If all of that is true, it would explain why he looks so rough..

Having barely stayed in the same room as one another for several days and not wanting to look at him, wanting to remain strong and now cry in front of everyone, you hadn’t noticed but how awful he looked as well. He clearly hasn’t been sleeping well, judging by the giant bags under his eyes. Not to mention that he is also currently awake at 4am, looking just as much like shit as you did.

“Then why is it all over Devilgram that it’s been an ongoing fling?” You questioned, a few tears escaping.

“I would never do anythin’ like that, MC! She’s just jealous or somethin’, I don’t know what her issue is.. But, I-I love ya, more than anythin’ in the three realms. Even Goldie!”

You could feel yourself caving in with every word he said. It made sense, judging by how she’d randomly confronted you after school that day after whispering about you with her friends all day, it seemed like jealousy could be plausible. But what proof did you have? It was his word against what you saw with your own eyes. Not to mention everything on Devilgram.

“Funny, from where I was standing, it sure looked like I was the last thing on your mind.” You hissed, causing him to flinch; but he wasn’t backing down yet.

“Just let me prove it to ya, okay? I-I’ll do whatever I gotta do. Please, MC?” His deep, sapphire blue eyes bore deep into yours; the sorrow, the agony they held was immense. The crack in your armour deepened.

He could see that you were wavering, but that you were hesitant, scared to believe him; to trust him. He couldn’t blame you. If he were on the other side of all this, he wouldn’t believe his words either. He didn’t expect you to just hear him out then jump into his arms and ride away into the sunset. He knew better. He knew he’d have to prove it. He was more than willing to do whatever it would take for you to trust him again, to believe that he’d never hurt you intentionally.

He took a step toward you, careful and anxious, as if you would bolt if he moved too suddenly. He reached out for your hand slowly, reluctant at first but upon realizing how much you’d missed his touch as his warm, much larger hand enveloped yours, you caved so easily.

He squeezed your hand lightly, looking down at your entwined fingers, gently rubbing the side of your thumb. You felt something wet hit your hand a couple times, realizing quickly that they were tears, you attempted to swallow the lump in your throat that was quickly forming.

“Please? I’m miserable without ya..” He asked, voice cracking slightly.

Even after everything that’s happened the last week, you couldn’t stand to see him in such pain; miserable and broken. Just like you.

Sure, he was always stand-offish about his feelings and the like before you got together, but once it was all official, that was it; the walls came down. There had never been a single time that he lied to you or went behind your back with anything. He lasted exactly twelve minutes after buying your birthday present before he couldn’t take it anymore and spilled the beans. 

He’s always a goofball, sometimes has bad timing and isn’t always the best with words, but he’s never given you a reason not to trust him before; he’s never been anything but an amazing boyfriend that genuinely tries his hardest to make you happy.

“One.” You whispered, barely audible. His head snapped up, deep blue eyes scanning yours. You closed your eyes, taking a deep, yet shaky breath.

“One chance. That’s it.”

No sooner than the words left your lips, Mammon was pulling you flush to his chest in a bone crushing hug. Had you not been utterly craving his touch, to be held by him, you would’ve pushed him away. That’s what you told yourself anyway.

“I won’t make ya regret it, MC.” He earnestly swore, squeezing you gently.

For the sake of your heart, you hoped he was right.

~ taglist ~

@ithinkimdekubutreallyimdenki

@maybe-nott

@bandaged-despair

@bokuto7stan

@aliackerman

- part three coming soon -

[kpop-zone]

(G)I-dle making up for slapping their s/o

Prequel

Miyeon

Miyeon could have never guessed how hard it would be to give you time. She just wanted to be close to you again. But she wouldn’t allow herself to overstep your boundaries; not again. So, she tried her hardest not to impose herself on you, even though it was slowly killing her. Usually, you had always allowed her to wrap her arms around you, no matter what you were doing. Now, Miyeon didn’t really know what to do with herself when she was around you. The lighthearted conversations and bubbly laughter in your life had turned into suffocating silence and an excruciating atmosphere and Miyeon was starting to get anxious.

Several weeks had already passed since that disastrous night, but you were still punishing her with ignorance. Of course, Miyeon had known that her mistake needed time to heal, still, she hadn’t expected such agonizing repercussions. No matter how much space Miyeon gave you or how many gifts she bought you in an attempt to show her remorse, you didn’t allow her to get close again. And she began running out of ideas. Was there anything that she could do to make it all better? Or was it too late? Maybe if she were smarter or less selfish, she would have accepted her defeat and left you alone. But she just couldn’t. She didn’t want to live without you. So she had accepted your punishments patiently while desperately holding on to you and feeling how you drifted further and further away. Until she couldn’t take it anymore one night.

You were coming home from work, only acknowledging her with the typical head nod and Miyeon felt the crack in her heart reaching a depth that she just couldn’t ignore anymore. She needed to know if the deep divide between the two of you was conquerable or if you had already given up.

“Do you still love me?”

She blurted out while tears started to pool in her eyes and you stared at her in shock, apparently not having expected her sudden outburst.

“I will leave if you ask me to. But I don’t mind waiting for you as long as there is hope. I just need something to hold onto. I just need to know that you are still willing to fight for this relationship.”

Miyeon added with a shaky voice and you instantly avoided her gaze, making the tears in her eyes spill at last. Your silence was a sufficient answer, even if it wasn’t the one that she had wanted to hear. Although the two of you were only standing a few steps apart, the distance between you felt like an ocean again and Miyeon couldn’t bear it anymore. Abruptly, she turned on her heel to run to the bedroom. Just before she could slip out of your sight, however, your voice caused her to stop.

“I do.”

Confused, Miyeon turned around to look at you while trying to decrypt your equivocal words. When you noticed the confusion in her face, you cleared your throat and took a few steps closer to her.

“I do still love you.”

You clarified, causing Miyeon’s eyes to widen in shock.

“You do?”

She asked dumbfounded after already having accepted her defeat. Slowly, you nodded in response and at a blow, Miyeon felt like the darkness that had surrounded her the past weeks was lifted. Her heart began beating wildly in her chest and a wide smile lit up her face. She wanted nothing more than to run into your arms now, but she didn’t know whether you were ready for that yet. Insecurely, she looked at you while shifting her weight from one leg to the other until you eventually opened your arms.

“Come here.”

You chuckled and Miyeon didn’t need a second to dash forward. With full force she threw herself into your arms and hugged you so tightly that you needed to remind her that you had to breathe.

“I’m sorry. And I’m sorry that I created this mess in the first place. I swear that I will never hurt you again.”

She mumbled against your body, knowing that she would never do anything ever again to drive you away.

“I know.”

You replied before kissing the crown of her head, causing Miyeon to hum happily. This was the only way it was supposed to be.

Minnie

Minnie stared at you at a loss for words. She couldn’t find the answer in your eyes like she had hoped to, but her hesitation was apparently all the answer that you needed. Tears shot into your eyes as you nodded in defeat and slowly pulled yourself to your feet. Minnie watched you with a heavy heart and another wave of guilt washed over her. Why did she only ever make you cry?

Maybe it would be for the better if she let you go...

Conflicted, you lingered for a moment, but when Minnie still couldn’t manage to give you the answer that you needed, you started to drag your feet to the front door. It was unbearable for Minnie to watch you leave. Every fiber in her body told her to block your way, but she forced herself to stay put. For your sake. You deserved a better girlfriend. Only after the front door had swallowed you, Minnie couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She abruptly leaped to her feet and rushed to the door. Her hand hovered above the doorknob as her desire to be with you and her guilt collided inside of her. No matter what she did, it felt wrong. In despair, she slid down the front door and sunk to the floor.

She just didn’t know what to do.

Her whole body hurt, causing the sound of her sobs to fill the quiet room. She felt how she got caught up in a downward spiral. She was in free fall into endless sadness until a strange sound suddenly caused her to freeze. Confused, Minnie’s head snapped up and she looked around. But even through her blurry eyes she could see that she was still the only person in the room. Where was this noise coming from? For a moment, Minnie halted her movements and listened carefully until she was able to make out the source and the location of the noise. It was the sound of sobs. Someone else was crying right on the other side of the door.

Minnie’s heart broke and before she even knew what she was doing, she found herself on her feet, tearing open the door. You were cowering on the floor just like she had a few seconds ago while crying bitterly. On autopilot, Minnie leaped forward and wrapped her arms around you.

“It’s ok, don’t cry. Please don’t cry, Y/N. I’m sorry.”

She cooed soothingly between some of her own sobs. For several minutes, the two of you just stayed in each other’s arms on the floor until your sobs didn’t echo through the hallway anymore. Hesitantly, Minnie leaned back to look at you and her fingers automatically stroked your cheeks to remove the last remainders of your tears.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. Please come back inside again. I was being stupid. I wanted to be selfless and let you go, but I can’t live without you. Please don’t go, I promise I will work on forgiving myself.”

She pleaded, having realized that the decision to let you go had been the worst that she had ever made.

“How would that be selfless, dummy? I don’t want to live without you either.”

You exclaimed with a smile tugging on your lips, causing Minnie to sigh in relief.

“So you’ll come back inside?”

She asked insecurely, but you instantly nodded.

“Yes. If you stop acting weird.”

You replied while giving her a scrutinizing look.

“I will. I promise.”

Minnie was quick to agree to your condition before pulling both of you to your feet and into the apartment again. Even if she hadn’t wanted to forgive herself initially, her desire to keep you in her life was still bigger. So she would do anything to make you happy again.

Soojin

“Are you going to keep staring at me?”

You asked annoyed after the room had fallen silent for a while already but Soojin was still sitting right by your side. She just hadn’t been able to bring herself to walk away from you.

“I’m sorry.”

She whispered for the third time tonight and you groaned before turning to your back again. Expectantly, you looked at her, seemingly waiting for her to say more than just those three words. The same feeling of anxiety from earlier washed over Soojin and once more, she averted her gaze from you. What if she said the wrong thing? But she knew that she didn’t have the luxury to take her time with an answer now. You were looking more than just annoyed and if she wouldn’t be able to express her feelings right in this moment, there would be no hope for a reconciliation tonight.

“I’m sorry for everything. I should have taken your feelings seriously. I shouldn’t have slapped you. And I definitely also shouldn’t have run away. But I was just so ashamed of myself; I couldn’t bear to look into your eyes.”

Soojin sputtered before reluctantly looking at you. For a moment, you only stared at her, but then you inhaled deeply.

“I really can’t believe that you slapped me. And then you had the nerve to run away...”

You scoffed and Soojin felt how her shame hit her with full force again.

“I know. I can’t believe it either.”

She mumbled mortified while letting her head hang.

“Is this all that you wanted to tell me?”

You asked after both of you had been silent for a while and Soojin quickly shook her head.

“No! I also wanted to tell you what I should have told you earlier instead of slapping you. I’m sorry for not defending you in the restaurant. But that was not because I agreed in any way with what has been said. It’s just that sometimes I forget that you’re insecure about those things. Because you’re perfect to me in ever single way. So if I talk with my friends about you, I swear to god, it’s only to tell them how breathtaking, smart, kind, caring and thoughtful you are.”

She clarified, feeling how a part of the weight on her shoulders was suddenly lifted off. Maybe you would never be able to forgive her, but Soojin at least wanted you to know the truth behind her wrongdoing. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself knowing that you believed that she thought of you as anything less than perfect.

For a while, nothing but the faint noise of the refrigerator buzzing in the kitchen could be heard and Soojin contemplated what to do next. Would you allow her to sleep in the same bed as you? Should she sleep on the couch? Or would you even ask her to leave the apartment? Before she could come up with a plan, however, you cleared your throat and piped up again.

“I know that you would never make fun of me with your friends. I mean earlier my anger told me that it was a possibility. But even then, deep-down I knew that it wasn’t true. I just wanted to say something to hurt you.”

You admitted sheepishly and for the first time tonight a light smile tugged on Soojin’s lips.

“I’m glad that you know.”

She sighed in relief while finally daring to look into your eyes. She was still ashamed of her actions, yet it felt like the two of you had gotten one step closer to reconciliation.

“Maybe we can talk tomorrow about everything; calmly this time.”

You chuckled and Soojin quickly nodded in reply.

“I’d love to!”

She exclaimed a little too excited, causing you to laugh to yourself.

“Alright then. Try to get some sleep now.”

You smiled softly while pointing at her side of the bed and Soojin’s heart almost jumped out of her chest. Eagerly, she nodded in agreement before hastily discarding the flowers and getting ready for bed as if she suspected that you could change your mind any second. In record time, she found herself lying next to you although she neither dared to look at you nor to close her eyes. What if she woke up and you weren’t there anymore?

“Relax, Soojin. Everything’s going to be ok.”

You suddenly piped up as if you could read her thoughts and Soojin turned her head to the side. Your beautiful eyes radiated a sense of comfort and Soojin’s heartbeat calmed down at last. Everything would be ok again.

Soyeon

Soyeon didn’t even need to think where to go after the door had slammed shut. Her feet automatically carried her to the company that gladly was in walking distance. She hoped that her studio could give her the comfort that she desperately needed. Maybe she could even put all this sadness into something useful and start working on the next album. To her dismay, however, Soyeon didn’t feel the usual itch in her fingers once she sat down in front of her desk and the pages of her notebook stayed completely empty. No matter which keys she pressed on the keyboard or what chords she strung together, everything sounded bland to her. For almost two hours Soyeon tried to write down at least a single line until she was left completely frustrated and simply threw herself on the couch in her studio. She couldn’t concentrate when her relationship -the most important thing in her life- was on the brink of ruin. All she wanted to do was to go home and make up. But she knew that she couldn’t do that. This had to happen on your terms, and you clearly had asked her to give you space. So she needed to abide by your request. Even if it meant that the group had to suffer from it.

After spending a night on a sofa and not sleeping a single second, Soyeon very groggily attended dance practice the next morning. Her members immediately figured out what was wrong and showed her sympathy, but her teachers, unfortunately, were less compassionate. The minutes seemed like hours and in between the angry looks by her teachers and the anxious glances on her phone to check for a sign of life from you, Soyeon felt like losing her mind. She had hoped that you would be willing to see her again today, but after an exhausting day at the company there still hadn’t popped up a notification from you on her screen.

“Relax, Y/N is going to reach out to you.”

Yuqi tried to cheer her up when all of them were grabbing their stuff to go home.

“I don’t think so. It’s over.”

Soyeon replied crestfallen, starting to accept the fact that she had managed to ruin what had been perfect in just one night.

Suddenly, however, the screen of her phone lit up, causing Soyeon’s breath to hitch in her throat. Frozen, she stared at her phone, too scared to get her hopes up. Maybe it was just one of their managers...or maybe it was a breakup text.

“Look at it!!”

Shuhua urged her while pressing the phone in Soyeon’s hand. Shakily, she lifted the device up and looked at the message.

Y/N: Will you be home for dinner?

She read out loud and her members instantly assured her that this was a good sign. Still, Soyeon didn’t want to impose herself on you and decided to leave it up to you.

Soyeon: If you want me to?

She replied before anxiously staring on the screen and waiting for your reply.

Y/N: ...

For an eternity, Soyeon watched these three dots dancing on her screen and with every second that passed, she felt more like losing it. Eventually, however, you decided to end her torture and transformed the three dots into one single word.

Y/N: Yes

Your answer was short, but it made Soyeon feel more than any poem probably could have ever managed. In lightning speed, she said goodbye to her members and rushed home to you. When she reached the front door to your apartment, she typed in the wrong door code three times out of nervousness before finally being able to bolt into the apartment.

“Y/N?”

Soyeon yelled breathlessly as soon as she was inside in need to quiet the part of her that was convinced that you were just messing with her and had already left. To her surprise, however, you stepped into her sight just a few seconds later, making her exhale shakily in relief.

“I ordered from our favorite place. I hope that’s ok.”

You piped up eventually after the two of you had awkwardly stared at each other for a while and Soyeon nodded eagerly.

“Yes! Perfect! We can do whatever you want.”

She replied although she wasn’t really referring to the food with her last sentence. Soyeon felt relieved that you were willing to see her, nevertheless, she wanted you to know that the two of you would proceed in your pace.

“What do you want though?”

You answered while defensively guarding yourself by crossing your arms. Soyeon hated this tension that extended between the two of you and made it so much harder to wear her heart on her sleeve, but she still wanted to try her best.

“I want to tell you how sorry I am and that I know that what I did yesterday is unforgivable. But I also want to tell you that it will never happen again and that I will work very hard to make this right again. If that is what you want too of course.”

Nervously, Soyeon glanced at you, once again waiting for you to end her torture. You, on the other hand, were completely calm and took your time contemplating her offer. Your gaze seemed to burn right through Soyeon’s skin, and she uncomfortably tugged on her clothes while awaiting your verdict.

“Well, I guess I haven’t been really fair yesterday either. So we might do better to just try to forget last night...”

You replied after an eternity, causing Soyeon’s heart to leap in her chest.

“Ok!”

She agreed relieved, not being able to hide a wide smile anymore. There was nothing that she would rather do than to forget last night. She just wanted to go back to where the two of you had left off and the fact that you felt the same was making her happier than anything else in her life before.

Yuqi

“How could you have slapped me?”

You eventually broke the silence, but the disappointment in your voice made the awkward silence from before almost more desirable.

“I-I don’t know...”

Yuqi stammered in reply, because she truly couldn’t make sense of her behavior. She had never considered violence to be a solution for anything and hurting you was one of her scariest nightmares.

“You know the reason I started dating you was because I trusted you more than anyone else and because I felt safe around you.”

You sighed sadly and your choice of words caused Yuqi’s heart to tear in two. Trusted. Felt. Why were you talking in past tense? She needed you to know that tonight had just been a slip-up.

“And I really value that trust. Even if it didn’t seem like it tonight.”

Yuqi pleadingly looked at you, hoping that you were able to see her sincerity, but you were quick to avoid her gaze.

“I don’t know what to believe...”

You mumbled while massaging your temples as if this situation were causing you a headache, making Yuqi feel even worse about herself. She didn’t want you to martyr yourself like that because of her.

“I know and that’s ok! You don’t have to have everything figured out tonight. We can see how the next weeks will go. I swear that I will do everything to try to gain your trust back, but... if it doesn’t work out and you still feel uncomfortable, just say so and... I will leave.”

Yuqi’s last words felt like they were covered with thorns and only arduously left her throat. As much as she wanted to be a good person and give you the space to leave, only the thought of losing you made her feel nauseous. Nevertheless, she planned to stick to her offer and expectantly looked at you to agree to it. You still avoided her gaze, but after contemplating your options for a while, you eventually nodded in agreement. At a blow, Yuqi felt all the tension leaving her body and she almost sighed in relief. She knew though that she was nowhere near to celebrate. She still had to gain back your trust which had to be the most difficult task in the world. Yet, she felt hopeful. Your willingness to let her try to make it up to you showed her that at least some part of you still cared about this relationship.

“Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate this, and I promise that I will not let your second chance go to waste.”

She exclaimed gratefully and you looked at her with a piercing gaze.

“You better not.”

You warned her, causing a cold shiver to run up and down Yuqi’s spine. Suddenly she was hyperaware of what she had to lose, and an uncomfortable, tingling sensation settled in her stomach. She really had to get this right.

“You have my word. Your trust has always been the most important thing to me and knowing that I have managed to break it will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.”

Yuqi admitted with regret and you nodded slightly as if you were satisfied with her answer before standing up.

“I think we’ve said everything that needed to be said. I’m going to bed now.”

You concluded while walking towards the bedroom. Yuqi, on the other hand, kept sitting on the couch, feeling like you hadn’t said everything that needed to be said because she had no idea where the two of you were standing right now. Was she allowed to follow you? Was she supposed to give you space tonight? Indecisively, she wriggled about on the couch for a while until she decided that she should rather be safe than sorry. Therefore, she only walked into the bedroom to grab her pillow and a blanket while feeling your gaze on her before returning to the living room again. With a slight pout on her face, she made her bed on the couch until your sudden voice almost startled her to death.

“Yuqi, I appreciate the gesture, but just come to bed. Otherwise, you’ll only have backpain tomorrow.”

You were standing in the doorframe to your bedroom with your arms crossed and Yuqi looked at you with wide eyes.

“Are you sure?”

She asked insecurely to make sure that this was really what you wanted.

“Yes. I mean you’re not allowed to cuddle, but I’ll survive having you in my bed.”

You replied and Yuqi couldn’t help but to smile a bit. This almost felt like the usual banter that you always had after a minor fight when you were still mad at her but weren’t able to hide your caring nature. Without hesitation Yuqi leaped to her feet and followed you into the bedroom with her blanket and pillow under her arms. All of a sudden she didn’t fell as anxious anymore as before. She was sure that if she only worked hard enough, she could remind you again of who she really was. The love that the two of you shared was one of a kind and Yuqi believed firmly that it was strong enough to overcome any obstacle.

Shuhua

It had taken Shuhua almost all night to calm down again. Anxiously, she had walked in circles in the living room while tearing her hair in despair. How was she supposed to fix this? The look of betrayal in your eyes had burned into her brain, making her believe that the only way to gain back your trust was by building a time machine. As the sun began to rise, however, also the darkness inside of her started to fade and very slowly, she was able to think rationally again. There was no use in panicking; what was done was done. It was highly unlikely that someone would invent a time machine in time to fix this, so she had to try to clean the mess that she had created herself. Therefore, she called her members as soon as it was a somewhat acceptable time to disturb their morning to ask for their advice. All of them agreed that Shuhua was an idiot and that they would kill her if she didn’t manage to make it up to you. But all of them also agreed that the best way to gain your forgiveness was to talk to you when you were ready. Shuhua wanted to convince them that it would be best to persistently show you her remorse as soon as possible, but no one agreed with that. The members told her to let you set the pace and Shuhua very reluctantly gave in to their advice.

Still, she decided that it wouldn’t harm to ask you today whether you were already willing to talk. Equipped with your favorite snacks and a teddy bear, she drove to your best friend’s place because she was sure that you had sought sanctuary there. She figured that her guess had been right when she could hear agitated whispering behind the door after she had knocked three times. For a moment she was worried that you wouldn’t open the door, because she was able to hear the voices for quite some time, yet no one granted her access. Eventually the door swung open though and Shuhua found herself standing face to face with you.

“What do you want?”

You asked quite unenthusiastically and Shuhua physically felt hit by your words, causing her to take a step back. Never had you sounded so cold before, but she figured that she deserved that.

“I’m here to apologize and ask whether you’re willing to talk about everything with me.”

Shuhua tried to sound confident, but her voice more came out as a whisper. Your piercing gaze didn’t really help with her nervousness either, so instead of giving a great speech, Shuhua simply held out the teddy bear and the snacks to you. For a moment, you eyed the gifts before looking at her again.

“Do you think that can make up for everything?”

Defensively, you crossed your arms and suddenly Shuhua regretted having brought such cheesy gifts.

“No of course not. I just thought it would be rude to show up emptyhanded and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

She mumbled while quickly hiding her hands behind her back. Slowly, her nervousness turned into the anxiety again that she had already felt last night as her thoughts seemingly raced with 300 mph through her mind. She felt completely helpless and could not recall a single tip that her members had given her earlier.

“Didn’t you want to apologize?”

You asked eventually, causing Shuhua to snap her head up to look at you after simply having stared into a void for probably a whole minute. She didn’t know whether she was just imagining things now, but for some reason she felt like your gaze wasn’t quite as stern anymore. Your question didn’t sound snappish either, but more like you wanted to help her to regain her composure. Shuhua didn’t know whether she was persuading herself of those things because she was close to having a nervous breakdown, but either way, it helped. Slowly, her thoughts stopped hopscotching through her mind, and she felt somewhat confident to tell you what she had come here for.

“That’s right. I wanted to tell you how incredibly sorry I am for everything that has happened last night. I was wrong all along. And I can’t even tell you what has gotten into me to slap you. I want you to know that I feel terrible. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I-I would never purposely hurt you...I-“

Shuhua hadn’t even noticed that she had started crying until it became more and more difficult to speak and she could suddenly feel a sensation on her arm. To her surprise she realized that you had reached out to squeeze her arm comfortingly and she had never wanted to be pulled into your embrace more than right now.

“I know that it isn’t in your nature to solve things with violence. But you’ve still hurt me yesterday; more emotionally than physically though. And that’s going to take a while to heal.”

You stated and Shuhua nodded understandingly.

“What does that mean for us though?”

She asked, feeling like she would rather have you break up with her than not knowing what the two of you were.

“I think we should take things slow. I don’t want to break up with you, but I feel like we have some things to resolve before going back to where we were. This whole fight yesterday had to stem from somewhere...”

You replied, causing Shuhua to sigh in relief. She wouldn’t mind taking things slow for a while as long as she was still your girlfriend.

“Ok.”

She agreed and for the first time today, you smiled at her.

“Ok then, it’s settled. Go home now and buy some breakfast on your way. You look terrible- no offense. I’ll text you later.”

You chuckled, causing Shuhua to gasp before touching her face and realizing that it was all puffy. Sulkily, she pouted, but your cheeky expression also made her giggle silently. Maybe the two of you weren’t quite where you had left off yet, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. Shuhua knew that she couldn’t let something like last night happen again- neither for your nor for her sake. So she needed some time to get to the bottom of it. Maybe she could even be a better girlfriend in the end and that’s all she really wanted: to make you happier than any other person on the planet.

[saturndivine]

The Age of Aquarius (Jupiter + Saturn Conjunction)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

On December 17th, 2020 3:04 AM PST Saturn moves into Aquarius 

On December 19th, 2020 4:36 AM PST Jupiter moves into Aquarius 

On December 21st, 2020 10:20 AM PST Jupiter Conjuncts Saturn [0°29’]

The great conjunction is a historic occurrence between the social planets, Jupiter & Saturn. Most see these two energies as opposites but they both offer us lessons throughout our time on earth. Saturn represents the tough lessons we are meant to learn, what makes us stronger, how we can build ourselves up. Jupiter represents the lessons learned through our natural bestowed blessings, where we thrive, where our power lays when it comes to functioning in the world. 

These two planets will form a conjunction in the sign of Aquarius. Aquarius represents unconventionality, humanitarianism, change, growth, revolution, innovation. Aquarius is the sign that propels life forward, it is ahead of the crowd and leads others without people even knowing it. Expect to feel that personal push towards greatness, do not fight what this conjunction wants to offer you. You are going to feel incredibly uncomfortable and drained within this transit, especially fixed signs, specifically Aquarius placements. 

The key takeaway for everyone within this conjunction: Do not fight change. Do not fight progress. We heal through growth and movement. 

If you’re curious to understand how this transit will affect you most dramatically, look below! Or read here. 

Conjunction Through The Houses [Check the house where Aquarius lays]: 

1st House: As the first house represents the self, this is a self revitalization period, you have been making progress, others see it and you do as well! You aren’t meant to be held back as you were before, that was a time for patience and learning but now is a time for breaking free of the boundaries bestowed upon you and welcome in the rush that this conjunction will offer you. Switch it up, now is the time to transform. 

2nd House: Evaluate what brings you comfort, then understand why it does. Whether it be a person, place, or thing, understand why it brings you relief, to understand how you can seek that safety within your own self. This transit wants you to let go of the conventional items that offer you this sense of peace as all that you are looking for is in yourself. 

3rd House: You’re going to be quite the firecracker this conjunction transit, your mind will be quick and bright and you will feel the need to explore life as it is. Now is the time to buy books, write pages of your thoughts and what you want to receive from this world, dive into a hobby that brings you joy. This transit is about finding the light stored inside of your own being. 

4th House: Look around, take a gander at the people supporting you. Now is the time to support yourself, you are the definition of strength and there is so much power stored within your kind heart. You are constantly looking out for others but use that energy for yourself. In other words, treat yourself! You will partake in lots of healing this season, be prepared for the “ugly” to come out however you will come out bigger and better on the other side. 

5th House: This conjunction transit will have you motivated to connect with every living person on this earth and that’s good! You’ve been confined to the boundaries of your own mind for quite some time but you made it and you have wisdom and beauty that people want to hear and see. Do not limit yourself, make friends, make lovers, create art in the best possible way you know how. 

6th House: You’ve been holding off on your passions, unsure if it’s the right decision, but now is the time to allow those passions to come out. This is the perfect time for you to see the power in the work you do and how you influence many others to follow your lead. You are an innovator, speak up, and speak your truth. Don’t allow yourself to be talked over, life will grant you many opportunities, up to you to take them. 

7th House: Watch out, people are going to fall in love with you. Whether it be friends, strangers, lovers, whether it be platonic or romantic you are going to touch hearts because you will find the power that comes with love. Throughout it all, you move because you are moved. You don’t take those special steps towards greatness until you are impassioned by the path you have chosen. Remember, follow your heart, let that guide you. 

8th House: Your heart may feel as if it’s exploding with power and dynamite. Use all of it, the pain, the angst, the love, the beauty, use it to create, use it to propel you towards your dreams. We all know you have some of the biggest dreams known to mankind and you are possible of achieving all of them, especially in this transit. This house will experience some of the most turbulence but the growth you will experience is astronomical. Prepare for your revolution.

9th House: You’re going to feel a little bit lost during this transit, you of course have your intuition to guide you. Even if you feel like you have never used your intuition, you have, and it’s powerful with this conjunction. You will feel that invisible pull, pay attention to your dreams, pay attention to how your body reacts to certain situations. You should spend a lot of time with yourself if possible, check-in, and understand who you are and where you’re going. 

10th House: Congratulations, you will benefit the most (in my personal opinion) from this transit. You may feel as if you’re experiencing a full 180 and as if all your progress has gotten you nowhere but it hasn’t. In fact, you are on a path to greatness and all you need to do is learn how to welcome what’s coming and accept it. Don’t block your own blessings by ignoring your true path. This is going to be an emotional journey, don’t fight it!!!!

11th House: There is a grand revolution occurring in your life, yes life is flipping you upside down because you have the personal power to achieve what you desire because of the work you continuously put in towards your own greatness. You have made some intense progress and now is the time to be rewarded for it. Teach your skills to those who need them, help guide others on this path of life. It’ll all come back to bless you. 

12th House: Twelfth house transits are usually the hardest as this will affect the deepest wounds of your psyche and pull out what you have hidden away and thought to have drifted into the deepest part of your memory. This is all for good reason, all of this will transform you into what you thought you could never be. You tend to doubt your own power and this transit wants to show you how incredibly mighty you are. 

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Conjunction in Relation to the Signs [Check Rising, Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, & Mars]:  

Aries: This conjunction will cause you to think outside of the box, of course, you usually do but now is the time to use this energy for a cause rather than just yourself. Try to assist others and build up with them. 

Taurus: Life won’t always go as planned and thats to show within this occurrence, find out how you can adapt to the situations rather than shut down. This transit is pushing you out of your comfort zone towards growth through flexibility. 

Gemini: You are prepared for this conjunction, maybe even the most prepared. Your life is all about change, in fact, you aren’t comfortable when confined and prefer change to stability. Try not to get too ahead of yourself, try to discover what you desire most and go after it. 

Cancer: The energy presented during this conjunction may feel as if it’s opposed to your own, your journey is to find that sweet balance amongst it all. Whether it be with work, family, love, or just simply life. Seek that balance. 

Leo: You are definitely about to be shaken up for the better but some stressful days are coming your way however there is good news. You are powerful, powerful enough to jump over these hurdles and understand there is beauty in the pain, you just have to seek it. 

Virgo: Now is not the time to restrict yourself (as you usually do). You have a side to you that is unconventional and free and it will come out during this transit so you should welcome it! Attempt to let loose and let your hair down. Dance, sing, paint, participate in what sets you free.

Libra: I understand that you are the sign of beauty, however, things will get ugly! Don’t run from your emotions this transit, they will make you feel more than you desire to feel, but this will all go into making your soul more beautiful than it already is! Feel all the feels. 

Scorpio: Your personal evolution is a little slow and catered towards yourself (as it should be) however, this period of time will force you to evolve and grow faster than you thought you ever could. Embrace it rather than hide from it, you are capable of accomplishing so much more in little time. 

Sagittarius: You’re going to feel this intense sensation of freedom and this can easily overwhelm you and burn you out if you don’t pace yourself! Think long and hard about where you want to go and what you want to be and then move. Impulsivity is strong this transit, don’t let it get you into trouble 

Capricorn: You were pushed to your limit with the last Saturn/Jupiter transition and you put in so much work towards your development. Now you can use those special skills acquired for this transit. Your job here is to learn to let go and simply be. You cannot control life itself, you can only control yourself! 

Aquarius: It’s your age! Now life won’t be easy because of this, in fact, you will be removed from your [fixed sign] comfort zone and propelled out into the world because you are leading this revolution. You are meant to act as a teacher, encourage, embrace, inspire! Speak your mind, manifest, create beauty. You are unstoppable during this time, try not to let all this energy go to waste.  

Pisces: You may feel as if you’re floating throughout this transit and your task is to find your footing. Stay on earth because you are meant to learn from what is happening, analyze it, pay attention. This is a period of intense change and you should not miss it. 

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Personal Predictions: A move towards equality in aspects of human life; justice for people of color [victims of police brutality, children in cages, those harmed through immigration, women in the face of gender oppression, & more], LGBTQA+ acceptance and openness [The Rise of Queerness], Wealth equality [class uprisings]. Restaurants transitioning to cruelty-free, vegan/vegetarian options, specifically fast-food businesses. Throwing away the tradition of family [Nuclear family, traditional pregnancy processes, finding family rather than being born into one].

[evafrechette]

With A Little Help From My Hyung

↠ yoongi x seokjin | smut | friends to lovers, slow burn | 18+ | 2.4k

↠ Summary: Seokjin is the best roommate Yoongi could have asked for, he’s funny, respectful, a good cook and incredibly handsome. That’s a big problem though - because Yoongi has a constant boner over him.

↠ Warnings: eventual smut, drama queen yoongi, oblivious seokjin, blowjobs, standing sex, yoongi enjoys seokjin carrying him around, anal sex, yoongi is clumsy and hurts himself, which is a great excuse to have seokjin look after him, the other members make a small appearance, my fic usually has a few swear words, hyung kink???

"Hyung, stop it. Leave me alone." Yoongi's deep voice grumbled defiantly.

"Aish, quit being a baby Yoongi-yah, let me help." Seokjin held his hand out to the smaller man who sat on the cold concrete ground below him, food scattered around his aching body, tangerines rolling down the sidewalk.

Yoongi slapped away Seokjin's hand, scowling at his annoying roommate. He got onto his knees and attempted to stand, wincing in pain the moment he put pressure onto his left foot. Only moments before he and Seokjin had left the convenience store, arms full of energy drinks, jelly candy, ramen and tangerines. But Yoongi being Yoongi was busy in his own world and didn't notice the patch of ice on the footpath right in front of him, once his foot touched the slippery ice he slipped and wobbled about, struggling to balance before his legs came out from under him, falling directly onto his ass. Paper bag flying out of his grip, contents spilling onto the sidewalk.

He tried to stand again, taking his time as he clung onto Seokjin's arm, managing to get himself upright, left foot hovering above the ground, but when he placed it firmly against the sidewalk pain shot up his leg and he suddenly felt faint. "Shit, I think it's broken Hyung." He looked up into Seokjin's eyes, refusing to let the tears spill. Yoongi was in pain, a lot of fucking pain but he couldn't let his hyung see him be a cry baby.

"You hit the ground hard but it's probably just a sprain or something, I doubt it's broken. You're a real drama queen Min Yoongi. Can you stand by yourself for a bit?" Yoongi nodded in reply and let go of the elders arm, watching as he carefully rushed around picking up the spilled food and shoved it into his own bag. Seokjin walked back to Yoongi, spinning around so his back faced the man. He crouched down, holding the overfilled paper bag tight against his chest. "Jump on Yoongi-ah, and don't even try it with me. I'm your Hyung you have to listen to me."

Yoongi rolled his eyes but slowly hobbled over to his taller roommate, awkwardly jumping onto his back, arms wrapping around Seokjin's neck, and his short legs around his waist when the older man stood. "I don't have to listen to shit." He mumbled into Seokjin's messy brown hair. Seokjin let out his trademark high pitched laugh as he carried his injured roommate back towards their apartment, "You're so full of it Yoongi."

The walk would usually only take five minutes, but carrying a grown man (who enjoyed complaining every few minutes) had a part in the trip taking close to twenty. Yoongi laid his head on Seokjin's wide shoulders and enjoyed the way his oversized blue shirt smelled of a calming mix of lavender and vanilla bean, he took a mental note to check what brand of washing powder the man used when he got home.

Something about being carried on Seokjin's back made Yoongi's belly flip, he had never felt so small and vulnerable in his life. He was the strong one of their group - the pit bull, small but tough, with an acid tongue that could make a grown man cry. But being carried around by his cute, tall, goofy roommate was actually kind of comforting, it felt nice to snuggle against his broad shoulders.

Yoongi could feel his cheeks heating up, he had been crushing on his video game loving roommate for a few months now. At first the blond thought they were just compatible roommates, respecting each others boundaries and privacy, they quickly became friends bonding over their love of cooking, but along the way Yoongi developed feelings. His eyes lingering on Seokjin longer than what was socially acceptable, sneakily scooching closer to his side on the couch while he watched Seokjin get annihilated playing video games and "accidentally" falling asleep during their movie marathon nights, head resting comfortably against Seokjin's shoulder. But Yoongi knew nothing would come of his little crush so he kept his feelings locked away and instead tried to focus on their good friendship instead.

Seokjin carefully placed Yoongi on the couch, pushing a cushion under his now swollen foot. He rushed off to Yoongi's room and returned with a blanket which he draped over the smaller man. With a happy hum he walked towards the kitchen and Yoongi watched with lovesick eyes as he put away their food shopping. Everytime Seokjin reached up for the top shelf his shirt would raise a little, giving Yoongi a glimpse of the tantalising caramel skin underneath. Yoongi longed to drag his calloused fingertips along that skin, to leave small kisses down Seokjin's spine, along his lower back and down over his firm ass. He sought to taste Seokjin, to feel his cock heavy on his tongue, to feel the burn of his cock stretching him out.

"Hey Yoongi are you okay?" A cool hand placed against his forehead brought Yoongi out of his Seokjin induced daze. His roommate was looking at him with fondness and concern, "Your cheeks are really red but you're not hot or anything. I thought maybe you were coming down with a fever." Yoongi knew he was even redder now, but he allowed himself to relax against the man's hand. He sighed when Seokjin withdrew his hand and moved to sit on the bean bag on the floor. "Yeah, no I'm fine. Just a bit embarrassed about this." Yoongi waved his hand over his ankle.

"Aish, these things happen. Just have to be more careful. And Hyung is here to take care of you okay? Anything you need you let me know. Keep that boney ass of yours on the couch."

The pair spent the rest of the night watching a marathon of Law of the Jungle, empty containers of ramen and Kloud draft beer scattered across the coffee table. Yoongi as usual was unable to keep the snarky comments to himself, "Pfft look at them! Useless. I could survive on that island so much better than any of them." He quipped as a team of celebrities dived into the ocean to try to catch fish with just their hands.

"Errrr Yoongi-yah, did you forget that I had to carry your tiny ass home this evening? Your weak ankles wouldn't last a day on that show." Seokjin doubled over in laughter, clapping his hands loudly as Yoongi rolled his eyes.

"Whatever Jin-hyung," he scoffed, "Like you'd do any better."

"Pretty sure I'd do great on a show like this! You've seen me fishing Yoongi, I'm practically a professional at it now."

Yoongi groaned at this, Seokjin had dragged him out fishing more times than he could even count and he was nowhere near a professional level. The last time they went fishing together Seokjin didn't catch a single fish. He did manage to catch some seaweed and disintegrating plastic bag though.

Yoongi could feel his eyelids getting heavy, and instead of fighting the feeling allowed himself to drift off to sleep, which wasn't hard as sleep was his favourite hobby after all. Yoongi was having a beautiful dream, he was being carried in Seokjin's strong arms as the brunette carried him along the golden hues of a sandy beach, gentle waves breaking along the shore splashing against Seokjin's bare feet. He mirrored Seokjin's smile as his Hyung looked down at him, carrying him bridal style while the breeze whispered sweetly around them both.

"Aish, Yoongi you are a pain in my ass, but you're kinda cute so it's okay I guess." His gummy smile widened at the sweet but slightly insulting words. "What are you smiling about you weirdo." Seokjin let out a small laugh.

Yoongi was confused, why was dream Seokjin insulting him? It took him a few seconds to realise that he was actually awake and that he was no longer asleep on the couch, but rather in the arms of his Hyung. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and let his body go slack against Seokjin's chest, adding a few very realistic soft snores for good measure. Yoongi felt his body fall gently against the cold mattress on his bed, shivering slightly at the loss of heat from Seokjin's warm body. A blanket was dragged up his body, before footsteps retreated out of the room and the door clicking shut quietly.

Yoongi's eyes widened once he was alone in the dark room, had he heard correct? Did Seokjin just call him cute? It took all his self control not to squeal like a teenage girl. He wiggled down the mattress, throwing the blankets over his head and snuggled into his soft pillows. That night Yoongi had the best sleep of his life, with a smile on his face and a hard cock in his pants.

-----

The following weekend Yoongi found himself squished between his friends Jungkook and Hoseok in the back seat of Jimin's tiny Hyundai Pony hatchback. Usher's 'U Remind Me' thumped out of the piss-poor and incredibly outdated sound system, tinny and grating on his ears. His friends, including Taehyung who was sitting in the passenger seat, were singing along at the top of their lungs, he threw his head back and groaned. Why did he get stuck with the loud idiots of their group? Yoongi peered through the windscreen, tall, shapely pine trees lined the dirt road they traveled along. Dust swirled around the car, a curtain of brown blocking the view of the car travelling behind them. The sky was dotted with grey clouds, slowly drifting across the sky hiding the sun, who was trying it's hardest to make an appearance.

The car full of friends pulled into a small gravel parking lot and climbed out of the stuffy vehicle. They watched as the trailing car pulled up beside them, excitedly chatting and joking around now that everyone had finally arrived. Today was Namjoon's choice of activity, one Yoongi was secretly dreading - Hiking. He cast a glance towards Seokjin who was dressed in a pair of black and white track suit pants, sneakers, wide brim bucket hat with drawcord and a fluffy cream jumper. He swallowed hard at the thought of wrapping his arms around Seokjin's waist and resting his head against his fleece covered chest. He looked so snuggly and warm and cute, yeah, really really cute.

Yoongi zoned out while the others planned their trek, his mind too focused on Seokjin's beautiful plush lips, enthralled by how his Hyung randomly pouted while he spoke, his plump bottom lip puffing out before returning back to normal. Yoongi found this habit of Seokjin's incredibly endearing and wondered if the man was even aware of what he was doing. Or at just how crazy it was making Yoongi feel.

"Is everyone okay with the plan?" Namjoon asked, slipping away a map into the front pocket of his jacket. The group all spoke at once, loud and chaotic as usual. "Okay well let's go!"

The group trekked for a few hours, enjoying the challenging course. Up and down steep inclines, weaving through lush forest and snaking between narrow boulders that sat unsteadily on either side of their path. They eventually came across a small stream that separated the gravel path, Yoongi looked down at his feet and whined. "Do we have to go through that? I'm wearing brand new shoes." His nose scrunched as he caught sight of the shallow murky water he knew he would have to trudge through.

"Why would you wear new shoes on a hike Yoongi?" Hoseok laughed, clapping the smaller man on the back. Yoongi glared at his friend, tempted to turn around and walk back to the car. Fuck nature.

"Don't worry about it Yoongi-yah, climb on." Seokjin smiled, bending down in front of Yoongi, memories of the previous weekend flooded Yoongi's thoughts. Without hesitation Yoongi climbed onto his back, legs wrapping around his waist tightly. He placed his chin into the crook of Seokjin's shoulder and sighed as herbal scented hair brushed across his nose.

"O-okay then, well errr let's get going then." Namjoon raised his eyebrow, the rest of the group watching quizzically as Seokjin happily carried Yoongi across the stream. They exchanged looks with each other, hushed whispers at what had just transpired, Yoongi knew the others would be talking, getting a piggy back ride was pretty out of character for him, but he was blissfully peaceful at that very moment. So fuck what anyone thought.

-----

Back at their apartment that night the pair settled into their usual routine of cheap ramen, beer and trashy kdramas on the television.

"Hey Hyung, thanks for picking me up today," Yoongi bit nervously into his thumbnail, a habit he struggled to free himself from, "You didn't need to . . Hobi was right though, those shoes cost $300 why did I choose to wear them today?" Yoongi knew exactly why - he was trying to look good for Seokjin. He had dashed out to a Camping and Fishing store after work to purchase an entirely new outfit for the day. He settled on a long sleeved yellow and green flannel shirt, khaki trousers and a blue and black fleece fila jacket. Plus those damn tramping boots that cost as much as his share of the rent.

Seokjin leaned in, inches away from Yoongi's face, breath catching in the back of his throat, heart hammering against his rib cage. "It was my pleasure," Seokjin grabbed Yoongi by the cheeks and pinched, jiggling the flushed skin between his thumb and index finger, "That's what a good Hyung does, helps their cry baby friends out." He laughed, letting go of Yoongi and plopping back down onto his side of the couch. Yoongi's hand shot up to his cheek, fingers brushing along his warm skin. Seokjin's touch felt amazing, electric sparks coursed through his body, Yoongi wanted those hands touching him in places that crossed the line from friends to lovers, those long fingers curling up inside of him brushing against his sweet sensitive spot, wrapped around his cock pumping him until it was too much to handle and he was screaming Seokjin's name while he spilled his release over his Hyungs hand.

Yoongi found it hard to concentrate on the television in front of him, eyes constantly drifting towards his roommate who looked amazing in a pair of grey shorts and loose white T-shirt, his feet curled up underneath him, strong thigh muscles catching Yoongi's attention. He cleared his throat and quickly averted his eyes, Yoongi wasn't sure how much more of Seokjin he could deal with. He was the perfect roommate, but his desire to be fucked by the man was becoming an every minute of the day kinda thing. Maybe Yoongi needed to hurry up and move out. He thought about Seokjin at work, while doing his laundry, on the bus to the grocery store, while putting the rubbish out, when pumping his dildo in and out of his ass, Seokjin was on his mind 24/7.

Yoongi's cock twitched as he watched the couple on television, the male lead carrying the female through a cherry blossom lined park while a terrible ballad wailed in the background. He decided that being carried was his newest kink. Or maybe Seokjin's entire existence was his fetish? He tugged on his hoop earring as his thoughts travelled to a million different scenarios in which Seokjin would need to lift and carry him around. He recalled the previous weekend, waking up while Seokjin carried him to bed, how nice it felt to be held in Seokjin's arms, to hear him call Yoongi cute. He wanted, no he needed that again.

Yoongi glanced out of the corner of his eye, the brunette’s head was down as he browsed at something on his phone, he watered his lips and decided now was the perfect time to enact his master plan. Yoongi closed his eyes and let out a loud yawn, arms stretched high above his head, "Mmmm what's the time?" He asked Seokjin drowsily. "Huh? Oh it's  9:23, are you tired already?" The brunette placed his phone on the coffee table and shifted to face Yoongi. "You're not? We walked a million miles today, of course I'm tired." For theatrics he let out another yawn. Seokjin shrugged and took a sip of his beer. "Guess I've got a better stamina than you."

Over the next half an hour Yoongi let out more fake yawns, complaining about his sore muscles and tired bones - which Seokjin informed him wasn't a real thing and that he was being a whiny old man again. His body sunk into the couch, head lolling against the arm rest as he feigned falling asleep. It would only be a matter of time before he would be whisked away in Seokjin's arms and it was making him giddy, trying his hardest not to crack a smile. Yoongi heard the room fall silent, the television now switched off. His heart was racing, this was it - the big moment - his hands were softly shaking, breath uneven and shallow.

"Hey Yoongi, wake up." A large hand shook his arm attempting to wake him from his faux slumber. His eyebrows furrowed, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. Seokjin was supposed to pick him up and carry him to the bedroom, whisper a few sweet words in his ear and maybe jerk him off a bit. He opened his eyes and glared at the handsome man standing over him, his plans were ruined and he and his neglected cock were pretty pissed off.

"Why didn't you just carry me Hyung?" Yoongi sulked, crossing his arms against his chest like a defiant toddler.

"W-why would I? You can walk your legs aren't broken."

"Well you've been carrying me around a lot recently so I just thought you'd do it again tonight. Ahhh fuck it whatever." He mumbled, avoiding eye contact with the brunette who was trying his hardest not to laugh.

"Aish, Yoongi-yah do you enjoy Seokjinnie lifting you up and carrying you around?" He could no longer hold it in, erupting into a fit of laughter.

Yoongi's cheeks burnt bright red, he was already a small man but he had never felt as small as he did right at this moment. Tears threatened to spill over his long lashes, he knew he was being a little dramatic but his heart was practically ripped out of his chest by his crush. Yoongi bowed his head refusing to look anywhere other than at his hands which were clasped together tightly.

"Wait, shit Yoongi I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry," Seokjin dropped down onto his knees and engulfed Yoongi's hands with his own. "So you do enjoy being carried by me?"

Yoongi sniffed, "Yeah. I like a lot about you Hyung, the carrying thing is one of my favourites though."

An awkward silence filled the room, Yoongi's sniffles the only sound to break the dead air. "Well uh, there is a lot I like about you too," he stroked his thumb against the back of Yoongi's hand softly and slowly. "I like your dry sense of humor, the way you screech when you're excited - that is so adorable. I like how passionate you are about music and I really like how your cheeks turn red whenever we touch each other by accident. I sorta brush up against you on purpose just to see it."

A gasp escaped Yoongi's lips, head snapping up to look into the dark chocolate eyes of his roommate. Seokjin's cheeks puffed wide as he gave Yoongi a sweet smile, his thumb continuing to draw circles over Yoongi's hands which were resting in his lap. "I think you're cute Yoongi-yah, and I'd love to kiss you. If you'd allow me to of course."

Yoongi's eyes darted to Seokjin's plump lips, inviting and glistening. He couldn't hold back any longer, throwing himself forward as he smashed their lips together, hungry and desperate. In the wild rush of lips and tongues exploring new territory their noses bumped together, deep chuckles slipping out between kisses. Yoongi's hands frantically grasped onto Seokjin's hair, pulling him down so their body's were close but it still wasn't enough, he needed to feel naked flesh against his own. Yoongi's long fingers travelled underneath Seokjin's thin cotton T-shirt and brushed against his soft stomach, over his nipples rubbing the hard nubs between his fingers and then back down his chest. He played with the elastic waist of Seokjin's shorts, dipping his hand inside, fingers grazing the wiry mound of pubic hair just above where his hands really wanted to touch, "I-is this okay Hyungie?" Yoongi whimpered, Seokjin's tongue running along the exposed skin of his neck, teeth nipping the soft skin.

"Mmmm yeah, touch Hyung Yoongi." Seokjin bit down gently his teeth scraping the skin. He attached his lips against the smaller man's neck, alternating between sucking on the warm flesh and sly little nibbles, creating deep purple bruises that contrasted beautifully against Yoongi's pale skin. While Seokjin was busy marking his neck, Yoongi pulled his cock out of the shorts and stroked sensually up and down his length, which was growing harder and stiffer in his hand. His hand glided over Seokjin's length at a quickening pace, flicking his wrists and gripping tight around the head before pulling off and pumping again. Yoongi added another hand on Seokjin's shaft and slowly twisted in opposite directions, up then down, left then right.  His fingers played with the tip of his cock, pressing his thumb into the slit, stroking playfully over the head.

"Fuck your cock feels amazing Hyung," Yoongi sighed, Seokjin's cock pulsing in his grip, "C-can we fuck?"

Seokjin removed his swollen lips from Yoongi's neck with a 'pop' and took his time licking along the already fucked out man's lips, pressing their soft flesh against each other, gentle kisses that were in in opposition of the acceleration of Yoongi's heart beat. Seokjin sat between Yoongi's legs on the floor, hands roaming over the blonds thighs. When he reached Yoongi's crotch his fingers ghosted over Yoongi's hard cock visible through his sweats, he bucked his hips desperate for Seokjin's touch.

"Hyung's got you Yoongi, just sit back and relax hmmm?" He placed a sloppy wet kiss against the fleece material and helped pull them down to Yoongi's ankles. "Such a pretty cock Yoongi-yah." Seokjin's voice was smooth and sweet. His fingers grazed against Yoongi's balls, eyes flicking back up to watch Yoongi's reaction. He continued to massage his sack, pulling lightly and wiggling the weight in his hand. He rubbed his cheek along the soft skin of Yoongi's balls and then up and down his incredibly hard shaft. Tongue flicking out to leave small licks along the side, down to his balls and then further below to the sweet spot between Yoongi's balls and warm inviting hole.

Yoongi's slit was leaking precum so Seokjin lapped it up, moaning sinfully. A groaned escaped the back of Yoongi's throat when Seokjin took his balls into his mouth, sucking and kissing all over. He took his time enjoying their heat in his mouth. He stroked the blonds length while sucking the pale skin of Yoongi's inner thighs. Seokjin sat back and removed he and Yoongi's bottoms completely, throwing the pants into a small pile in the corner of the room. He stood and motioned for Yoongi to stand with him. Their lips crashed against another's once more, Yoongi standing on his tippy toes to match his Hyungs height. A knee slipped between Yoongi's thighs as the two men continued to taste and explore each others mouths.

"Shit, we need lube, uhhh, don't move Yoongi-yah! I'll be back quickly." Seokjin ran towards his bedroom leaving Yoongi standing naked from the waist down in their living room, cock red and hot. He gripped onto the base and squeezed tight, moaning at his own touch. Seokjin returned cock glistening from the lube, bouncing with every step. Yoongi gulped, Seokjin was longer than any cock his ass had taken before but god was he eager to have it inside him.

They kissed passionately while Seokjin fingered Yoongi's hole, stretching him open enough for his cock. Yoongi's mind had turned to mush, absolutely lost in the moment. It was as though Seokjin had flicked a switch in his ass to become a whimpering, whining mess. Seokjin bent his knees and using his right hand guided his cock into Yoongi's tight hole. Once inside he allowed Yoongi to get used to his size while his hands reached out to wrap around Yoongi's small waist. Without warning he lifted Yoongi, a squeak echoing in the silent room. "You are adorable Yoongi-yah, can't wait to hear more noises come from those pretty lips." Yoongi's legs wrapped around Seokjin's waist which readjusted their position, cock now deeper than before, big hands reached down to Yoongi's ass holding him in place as they walked out of the living room and into the hallway.

Yoongi held on tight, gripping onto strong shoulders as he was pushed against the wall with a thud. Seokjin's arms trembled from Yoongi’s weight so he started to pound into his ass before it was too much and he would have to let him go. Yoongi let out tiny pants and whimpers, eyelids half closed, mouth so slack drool was starting to drip from the corners. Seokjin's cock grazed over his prostate, hitting deep and hard with every thrust. "Hyung, hy-hyung ahh ah so good." His hands roamed over Seokjin's back leaving red and pink marks underneath the thin material of his shirt. His cock was trapped between their bodies, friction from their movements driving him insane.

Sweat dripped down Seokjin's face, his arms close to giving out. This was more intense than any workout his personal trainer at the gym had given him. He slammed his cock into Yoongi repeatedly eager to cum inside his ass. Yoongi's whimpers in his ear pushed Seokjin to his peak and exploded his white hot cum into Yoongi's warm hole.

They stood still while Seokjin caught his breath, Yoongi hanging onto his neck for dear life, almost as though the floor was lava. "Hyungie make me come, pleaseeeee I'm so close." Yoongi whined, nipping at Seokjin's lips then pouting against the plush flesh. He would rather be dead than admit it, but Seokjin was right - he was a bit of a drama queen. "I'll have to put you down though, I think my arms are about to fall off." Seokjin chuckled as Yoongi detached his legs from around the brunette's waist and placed them on the floor.

Seokjin reached down and gripped tight onto Yoongi's aching cock, moving his hand in a steady rhythm. Their foreheads touched, breathing in each others air, hushed pants and whimpers shared between the pair as they kiss messily, lips grazing chins and teeth clinking. Yoongi bucked into Seokjin's grip, incredibly close to his high. Seokjin's cum escaping slowly out of his hole and running down his creamy white thighs and the hand around his cock pushed Yoongi to his release, "Ah-ah Hyung don't stop, ahh I'm going to come, shit ahh." His body tensed as he came harder than ever before, Seokjin barely moving his hand as his cock throbbed and pulsated.

"Hyung, you have no idea how long I've wanted this to happen." Yoongi sighed, wrapping his hands around Seokjin's neck, fingers crawling their way up to thread through short dark hair. "I've wanted to do that since the day I moved in," Seokjin whispered in reply, ears turning crimson, "Come on let's get cleaned up and then cuddle."

-----

The pair made their way into Seokjin's bed, snuggled between a mess of cushions and soft toys, their limbs a tangled mess as impatient hands explored naked skin. They laughed as revelations of their feelings for each other were finally said out loud, cheeks tight and sore from smiling so hard. "Seokjin-hyung can we do this more often?" Yoongi's eyes avoided the naked man beside him focusing on the window pane instead. "Well I would hope so since I want to make your my boyfriend Yoongi-yah." Fingers caught hold of Yoongi's chin as his face was guided towards Seokjin's, a shy kiss planted on his lips. "Yes Hyung, fuck yes I'll be your boyfriend."

The roommates turned lovers drifted off to sleep that night with satisfied smiles on their faces, excited for what the future would hold for them both.

[zombiekillerky]

{Reassured} - Dream SMP Fanfic

(This is platonic, there are no relationships in this what’s so ever. Just a wholesome moment between Awesamdad and Tommy nothing more)

Tommy smiled as he walked down the path, trident in hand and his left over fence in the other underneath his arm. His lips parted as he whistled a small tune to himself with glee, already seeing Sam or Sam Nook as he liked to call him out of the corner of his eye. The blonde wouldn't admit it but he did enjoy doing these small tasks for Sam. The little adventures and chores so he could build his hotel for him. It was fun, especially since he could do whatever he pleased with no one to tell him to do so. Yet this felt right, it was his decision to do these things for him.  He felt as if it was making him more responsible even though they were such small tasks that Sam offered him. But no matter how small they were he felt as if he was helping and that was all that mattered. Sam made him felt like he mattered and that he was pitching in with everything that he was doing. Maybe Philza would realize that when they finished the hotel officially and it was open. Maybe he would actually be proud of him, but Tommy wasn't looking for achieve meant like that. He was looking for the big bucks in the end of this run, or so he hoped.

The blonde sighed as he slipped his trident on to his back where the holster was. An uneasy feeling of being alone washed over him, some things still stuck from exile he wished would go away. Like sometimes when he would go and complete his tasks alone he would get an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Knowing he had to have someone by his side or else he would start to get sick and not feel well enough to work. The blonde shook his head slightly as he made his way to the gates. Getting rid of this sickening feeling from his body and shoved it down below with in himself.

He quickly jumped over the wood gate without hesitation even though Sam told him not to or he would hurt himself. Successfully making it back to his friend in no time to spare, an achieved look on his face as he stood up next to him. Sam was taller then anyone on the server with a height of 7'4, even Ranboo wasn't as tall as him and he was half enderman which was super tall. (I know he said he was 6'2 but in canon he said 7'4 :p). But never the less Tommy wanted to stand tall up to him, feeling like it would make him look more tough compared to the quiet giant. Even though most likely half of the server was probably better at him in PVP. Especially The Blade he once lived with and called his roommate,

"I did it Sam Nook!, I placed the fence boundaries like you asked me to do. It actually wasn't that tough of a job to be fair besides that red gunk that keeps spreading" Tommy said quite loudly, watching Sam turn to meet his gaze as he finished organizing his inventory. He watched as a smile formed on his face, making Tommy feel like he did something good. He's not proud of you for what you did, it's nothing compared to what he has done. It would take a lot to impress him and you know it, you're just a thorn in his side like everyone else. Tommy shook his thoughts out of his head, choosing not to listen like he did to many people on this server to annoy them.

"That is very good, Now I have a new task for you as of now. I want you to place all of the fences in to the chest and the rest of the dirt blocks that I gave you. As well as those boots you have seemed to wear out already from your trident jumps you like to do so much." Tommy took a step back as soon as he heard the words place. It was almost like he heart stopped as he watched Sam's face. He didn't want to think of the past, he chose not to but no matter how stubborn he was it would always make it's way in to his mind. But why did it chose to haunt him like this so much. Sam noticed his uncomfortable look on his face and watched as he took a step away from him. Confused as to what he said to make Tommy look so afraid, was he holding something like a sword that would scare him. He wasn't sure what was wrong at first, confused as to what had happened to the boy in front of him.

After what Dream had told him when he visited him in the prison he has tried his hardest to help Tommy in any way. Feeling like he was his protector with how things have gone and how people treat him as of now. Tommy was his responsibility as he would like to say so he would do anything to make him feel welcomed. He could be a handful but he was a kid and deserved the benefit of the doubt sometimes that no one seemed to give the kids on  he server. Tommy ran his hand through his hair nervously as he laughed uncomfortably. The thoughts of what Dream did filled his mind of exile, at this rate he could draw blood from how hard he was biting his lip at the moment. Put your things in the hole Tommy, do it or I will kill you. You don't want to disobey me right Tommy, remember I AM your only friend. You Don't want to lose your only friend right, no one is there for you no matter what you think. You are a nothing

"I....uh yeah yeah give me a sec then...b-big man, I'll get r-right to it" Tommy said as he placed the fences down in front of Sam, taking off his boots as well before he took out his shovel. Tommy stuck it in the ground to the side of him as he took a step off the path. Confusing Sam completely as to what he was doing, he asked him to put it in the chest not in a hole. That's when the creeper hybrid realized what he was doing, feeling stupid to ask him such task in the first place. He should have worded it differently or said nothing at all. he knew there was going to be a challenge when making sure Tommy was okay, he just wished he would realize it easier.

Sam took a few steps forward and placed his hand on Tommy's shoulder to grab his attention. Tommy jumped forward and dropped his shovel as he covered his face in defense. The boy was shivering as he held his arms up in front of him. The creeper hybrid was sure he heard him muttering please don't hurt me and I promise i'll be good underneath his breath over and over But Sam only stood in front of him, making sure both of his hands were on his shoulders lightly so he wasn't showing he was a threat.

"I w-was just about done Sam, I'm s-sorry-"

"Tommy no no....I asked you to put them in the chest over there, not in a hole. Did you not hear me correctly Tom?" Sam asked calmly with a caring look on his face, taking his time when it came to calming the child in front of him. Tommy slowly parted the hands on his face to see him standing in front of him. What was Sam's plan, what did he want from him. He just seemed concerned, but no one ever is so why would he now. Sam's eyes watched over the young boy in front of him, noticing the water in the corners of Tommy's eyes as he seemed to be in thought. The creeper hybrid sighed softly as he wrapped his arms around the smaller mischievous boy in front of him. Feeling his tense shoulders slowly loosen to his touch as he quickly wrapped his arms around him in return for comfort. He felt so sorry for Tommy, wishing he would have known what had happened sooner. He would have gone and helped Tommy if he knew that's what Dream was doing to him all along. He would have built the prison sooner and put Dream in it himself even if it would have costed him one or two of his lives in return.

"I-I'm sorry Sam...I don't know w-what got a hold of me.... I just thought-" Tommy's voice cracked as he tried to hide all of his emotion. Failing miserably as Sam felt tears on his shirt as they remained in the hug. Sam rubbed slow circles in to Tommy's back to soothe him of his panic attack happening.

"Don't be sorry Tommy, you have done nothing wrong you hear me absolutely nothing alright...You shouldn't have to be sorry" Sam replied softly, hearing Tommy sniff to try and clear his throat. It seemed like they stayed like that for a long while, not even realizing that time had gone by. Tommy just really needed the comfort at the moment over anything, all these crazy things that have happened ever since he has gotten back. The stress has gotten to far to even handle especially after the close death of his best friend. Sam knew he would be there when ever Tommy needed him to be and he hoped Tommy knew that as well. The young blonde sighed as he pulled away from Sam in front of him. Feeling quite happy and reassured with what Sam has just proved to him. He hasn't had somebody show him that in a long time, of course Phil showed him love and comfort. Techno terrified him if he asked for a hug but he showed him strength, encouragement and complimented him from time to time. And Tubbo showed him friendship and gave him the time of day when he needed to talk. But this was different, Sam's intentions were different. He wasn't just choosing to deal with him because he was there, he was making sure that he was alright. He actually cared more then enough for his well being and wanted to see that he was fully alright with out any hesitation.

"You good?" Sam asked with a smile on his face, choosing to walk past this little episode like it didn't happen for Tommy's sake. But he reminded himself to watch what he says in the past from now on. Tommy smiled at the creeper hybrid in front of him, realizing what he was doing and decided to go along with it. Taking a deep breath and soon let it all out before nodding his head slowly.

"*sigh* Yeah...yeah I think I am, Now! Sam Nook what is the new task you have for me big man!" Tommy asked with with smile raising on his face, getting rid of the sad and anxious attitude he had previously. Sam smiled softly as he looked Tommy up and down to make sure this wasn't a show before replying.

"Well there has been a lot of weeds and unwanted structures that we need to have removed around the area in order for the build to progress like we want it to. They are disturbing the area but not as much as the red substance growing around quite recently"

"*groan* more digging are you serious!"

"Not just digging, mostly the removal of weeds will require digging. But destroying the structures will require other tools and materials depending on the tasks at hand" Sam replied as the both of them walked over toward the chests sitting in front of the big work sign where the hotel was supposed to be built. The creeper hybrid glanced over his shoulder at Tommy placing the fencing in to one of the chests. His facial expression told all that he was in thought at the moment since he was abnormally quiet.

"Can I sell these "weeds" we are talking about" He asked with a sly smirk on his face as he raised his eyebrow. Sam shook his head slightly upon hearing those words come out of his mouth. He was not even a little surprised as to what Tommy had said.

"No Tommy you may not sell these "weeds'"

"*sigh* fine, alright alright where do I begin then" pretending to be hurt be his reply.

"Well let's get you a new pair of boots and I'll show you where the first thing we need to take down is. Does that sound good with you?"

"Yes it does Big S....and Sam" Tommy said as Sam stopped walking, noticing he had stopped a couple of feet behind him. The creeper hybrid turned around to meet the young boys eyes, seeing an appreciative look on his face for some odd reason. Tommy glanced around slightly as he rubbed the back of his neck out of a nervous habit. His sky blue eyes locked with Sam's lime green orbs.

"Yes Tommy?" Sam asked, starting to get worried about Tommy since he wasn't speaking.

"....Thank you" Sam looked at him in confusion, never thinking he would hear those words com out of the young boys mouth. Tommy was never someone to say thank you, his ego couldn't be bruised. But no matter how puzzling it was it made Sam's heart melt. A warm grin appeared on his face as he looked at him. Hearing Tommy scoff as he continued to walk forward like he had said nothing. Sam rolled his eyes playfully as he walked beside him down the path over to the chest filled with the extra clothing items for a pair of new boots.

"It's no problem Tommy, I'm always here for you"

[b0rista]

— 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑.

WARNINGS: light angst & swearing.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: he's one of my ultimate favorite snk characters, and i needed to cleanse my page of the heavy ass warrior content djjfjf.

"you're either a blessing, or you're a lesson. either or, you and i met for a reason."

with all of the gore and the misfortune that comes with your livelihood, it's connie that gets you through it.

as expected, you first fell in love with him for his humor. not for the humor itself, but for how it shed the smallest flicker of joy upon a heaping tower of despair— as soldiers, you needed that. fortunately, he was the one that brought it to the table. even during your days as cadets, connie lived to make you laugh. hearing a chuckle flutter from your core served as a form of therapy for him, and with time, he grew addicted.

with that being said, he does the stupidest shit in order to get your attention. even when you're together, he'll do what needs to be done. for example, one time, he tried to impress you by doing a trick while saddled up on his horse. in an attempt to twirl like a jackass ballerina, the horse decided that it deserved better, and kicked him clean off its back. at the sight of his 5'2 ass being hoisted eight feet into the air, you nearly choked.

prepare yourself, he's a cuddler. after a particularly hard day's worth of work, connie finds solace in bedding up with you, knowing that you're safe, and with him. he asks that you don't tell anybody, but he actually really enjoys cuddling as the little spoon. to have his head pressed against your chest, his ear to your heartbeat, brings him comfort. of course, he'll never detest to being your big spoon, either. he absolutely loves the feeling of you buried within his touch.

^ if you ever want to go an evening without cuddling, he'll be immediately offended. never, ever, ever will the two of you fall asleep back to back. he simply won't have it, it makes him feel as if something's wrong. and if that is the case, nobody's falling asleep until you've talked about it and successfully sorted it out.

at the beginning of your guys' relationship, everyone worried for you. did he coerce you, y/n? are you being forced? has he threatened you, has he threatened your family? nobody could grasp the fact that connie motherfuckin' springer had managed to pull you.

if there's any sort of sour talk regarding you, no matter how little it is, this man will leap to your defense. one time, jean called your bedhead ugly, and connie propelled a moldy roll of bread into his forehead. in the end, a massive food fight erupted, and you were just standing there with your bedhead like 🧍‍♀️

HOWEVER, there was an instance that actually led to a genuine, real fight between you two as a couple. you'd managed to scuff up your leg during the battle with kenny the ripper and his associates, and when it came down to who was and who wasn't going to tag along for the eren & historia rescue mission, connie belittled you to the team behind your back. not because he actually felt that way, but because he'd do anything to maintain your safety— even if it meant hurting your feelings. telling captain levi that your abilities were inadequate for that particular mission hurt him, but he did what he felt was necessary.

in the end, though, levi saw through the charade. to connie's dismay, you came with to save eren and historia. and during the entire journey, you didn't even utter a word to him. of course, though, during the battle, you put your frustrations aside. once you saw your lover's head nearly get kicked in during combat, you understood his intentions, and you forgave him. as expected, he replied to your forgiveness with humor,, his go-to coping mechanism.

"considering how sexy i looked on the battlefield, i knew you wouldn't be able to resist."

whenever his hair starts to grow out, you're the one that gets to cut it back down! he's able to do it himself, but he really likes it when you do it. you're typically propped up in his lap, sitting face to face as you file down his edges. he always loops his arms around your waist, intently staring you in the face— seeing you so concentrated on his hair, he can't help it.

you wouldn't expect this from connie whatsoever, but he likes it when you read to him. pick a literature of your choice and let him kick back and rest his head onto your lap, pleasE. he'll close his eyes, and for the first time in forever, stay still. the only time he and books ever coexist is when you're reading one to him. he'll also make fun of you whenever you stumble over a sentence,, so get ready.

the day you realize that this motherfucker is nearing six feet tall, you're ready for the holy spirit to whisk you away. literally, you measure his height on the weekly once you realize he just keeps gaining inches. that, and when he starts growing more into his face? lawd, take you now.

"connie, you're getting seXY-"

"what the hell does thaT mE A N-"

many, many proposals. none are meant to be taken seriously, which the both of you know. still, there are far too many proposals between the two of you. one time, you killed a fly midair, and he thought you were the baddest bitch on the block.

"marry me."

another time, he swooped you into the air with his maneuvering gear, and as you held onto him for dear life, you looked him dead in the face: "marry me, you baldheaded bastard."

it can be a reel, how many times the two of you say that bullshit. somehow, it's cute.

he doesn't really take basic boundaries into consideration. like, one time, you caught him using your toothbrush because he couldn't find his. it wasn't fun, you had to give him a serious talking to.

he is, without a doubt, constantly prepared to lay down his life for you on the battlefield. during his time as a soldier, he's grown significantly strong— and once he fell in love with you, he's felt even stronger. not only do you give him drive, but you lend him strength. with that being said, you're somebody he'd die for without even an ounce of hesitation. and knowing him, he's probably made that more than obvious.

when connie's village was destroyed and it was discovered that his entire family was turned into titans, you were one of the only ones to actually comfort him. you were absolutely enraged at how nonchalantly your lover's loss was set aside, and although he'd tried his hardest to conquer the grief alone, it was you who sat at his bedside at night, cradling him in your arms as he wept. never in your life had you seen him so distraught. after that period of time, your relationship with him only deepened in its seriousness. 

as expected, you and sasha spend quite a bit of time together! after all, that's your boyfriend's best friend. given her easygoing nature, it didn't take long for sasha to absolutely adore you. naturally, she wonders how the hell you manage to operate with a boyfriend like that, but she tries not to ask questions.

speaking of the wonder twins, they love getting you in trouble. whenever the two of them think up an astonishingly moronic shenanigan, there's a solid 50/50 chance that you'll be looped into it, too. one time, they purposefully dulled jean's razor, and when he went to shave, it only ended in him splitting his face open due to placing too much pressure. as a joke, those two jackasses carved your initials into the handle. when jean decided that he'd murder you, connie tried playing the hero, lEapiNg to your defense. it was stupid, and it didn't work. you still laugh about it, though.

there have been several jokes regarding starting a family and growing old together— secretly, though, connie doesn't want them to just be jokes.

he stole a stray cat for you. yup, yes he did. the two of you were walking about the city, and you saw a gray-haired sleeping beside a trash bin behind a local vendor. you compared its fur to the color of his hair, calling it cute. out of impulse, connie went back to that exact same vendor later on that day, trapped the cat in a box, and brought it to your doorstep.

his forearms and fingertips were covered in claw marks, but to see your face light up the way that it did, any amount of pain was immediately worth it.

after the nickname that shadis had given connie on the first day of cadet training, you named the kitty q-ball. 🥺

during the season four era, the two of you share a house. at first, captain levi argued against it— "put a pair of horny teenagers in a home together, what do you think is gonna happen?"

y'all said fuck it, and lived together anyways. it's you, him, and your lovely child, q-ball. occasionally jean, too. some nights, he doesn't want to be alone.

eskimo kisses. during the prepping of every single mission, you'll get eskimo kisses. it's a small, loving gesture the two of you do before heading into the battlefield. as a sign of your love, you'll press your foreheads together and rub noses, weapons holstered and ready for combat. it's a serious tradition, and it'll never be ignored.

and after a mission, connie has this habit of pinching your cheeks immediately after rushing towards you. it isn't to be cute, either. it's so that he can scan you, and check you for any harm. basically, it's him squeezing the life out of your face while bombarding you with questions.

expect supremely cheesy pet names! bae, biscuit, buttercup, baby thing, sexy bitch, and so on. if it were anyone else, he would 100% make fun of them. but it's him, therefore adorable.

[tadashiluvr]

tendou x germaphobe reader headcanons

pairing: tendou x gn!reader (platonic)

genre: mild angst, hurt/comfort(?), not really fluff but it gets happy

warnings: anxiety attack description, throw up mention

you and tendou met when you both joined the team as first years

you hadn't told the team or the coach that you were a germaphobe because you didn't think it would be that important

foreshadowing?

you and tendou easily became close due to his naturally enticing personality

the first time tendou touched you was after he blocked one of ushijima's spikes during practice

out of excitement he ran up to you and put his hands on your shoulders while basically shouting

"did you see that? wasn't that cool?!"

as he touched you it felt like every part of you he touched was on fire while the rest of your body ran cold

you wanted to crawl out of your skin and cry

but you didn't want to hurt his feelings so you simply shrugged his hands off you and said

"please don't touch me"

your disgusted look at him reminded him of during his childhood when kids wouldn't want to touch him because he was a "monster"

he felt a tiny piece of his heart shatter but he wanted to respect your boundaries so he quickly withdrew his hands and replied

"oh, i'm sorry"

the next time he accidentally pushed your boundaries was while you were out to eat with the team

he jokingly snatched a few fries from your mcdonald's meal that you had ordered

the thought of eating anymore of the fries after someone else's hands were so close to them made you want to vomit

you quickly put the container on his placemat and said

"you can have the rest"

he noticed the way you shuddered and a look of horror passed over your face before you gave them to him

he was hurt and confused as to why you were so against the idea of him touching you and touching your food

but he covered his hurt to the best of his ability and replied in the happiest voice he could muster

"wow, thank you"

he noticed the way you never told anyone else not to touch you or not to eat your food

but he didn't notice the way no one else ever initiated touch or stole your food

so he, incorrectly, assumed you hated him and thought of him as the monsterous being the kids from his childhood thought of him as

he stopped touching you, stopped eating your food, and overall distanced himself from you

you noticed how much less he was talking to you and you also felt like he hated you now

however, you never asked him about it because you didn't know what you did wrong

he only realized that you didn't hate him in his 3rd year, after the new 1st year teammates joined

goshiki did the same thing that tendou had done when he was in his first year except it was after he had spiked through a 3 person block

he ran up to you and gripped your arms as he enthusiastically said

"was that cool? did you see that? do i need to do it again??"

your skin immediately began crawling as you stepped out of his, surprisingly tight, grasp and said

"please don't do that"

"do what?"

"touch me"

he immediately bowed and borderline shouted

"i'm so sorry for touching you, please don't yell at me"

more panic and stress ran through you at his deep bow and apology

"oh god, uh, it's fine, please just stand up"

he stood up perfectly straight and began apologizing again, for what? he doesn't even know

"ahh, i'm sorry"

"it's fine, just do it again"

you quickly told the couch you needed to go to the bathroom and walked out of the gym

the second the doors closed behind sobs began raking through your body

your skin felt disgusting from goshiki's touch and you felt horrible for making him apologize while he was just trying to be excited

tendou was closest to the door and lightly heard your cries from outside

at that moment he realized that the problem wasn't just him touching you but all touch from everyone

he quickly excused himself from the gym and went outside to check on you

as he walked out he found you walking away from the gym with your arms awkwardly pushed away from your body as if you wanted to remove the area of contact

"y/n, are you ok?"

he called out to you as he closed the door

you turned to face him as tears continued to stream down your face

panic surged through him, he heard your crying from inside but seeing you like this was a totally different feeling

he quickly walked up to you with the intent to comfort you but you flinched back

"please don't touch me"

"i wasn't going to, i was just trying to comfort you. what happened?"

you lightly relaxed and mumbled out

"his germs are all over me, it feels like my skin is burning"

he tried to think of ways to help you but fell short as all of his solutions involved touching you or doing something that might not even help, so he decided to just ask you

"is there anything i can do to help?"

when you nodded he immediately wanted to know what to do

"really?! how?"

you lightly sniffled and cleared your throat before responding

"please make sure the team doesn't touch me anymore, also please cover for me while i go take a shower"

he shot you a quick thumbs up before running back to the gym

you sprinted to your dorm and scrubbed your skin until you no longer had the lingering feeling of goshiki's germs all over you

the next time you saw him you couldn't thank him enough for lying to the coach for you, so in return you bought this week's shonen jump for him

he was so thankful that he nearly hugged you out of glee before immediately jumping back and apologizing

"aha, sorry, i'm not used to not being able to touch my friends yet"

him calling you his friend warmed your heart, especially after thinking he hated you for almost 2 years

(bonus scenario)

after the devastating loss in your match against karasuno, you saw how direly tendou was trying to cover up his sadness for the sake of the rest of the team but his devastation was clear through his watery eyes.

"tendou," you called out. when he turned his head you motioned him over to you. "you did amazing out there today and you should be proud of yourself for how hard you worked to get where you are, even if we lost you still tried your hardest and that's what truly counts. but that doesn't mean you should be keeping in your disappointment just because you played well, i saw the way you were holding back your tears before, it's ok to let it out."

his tears immediately began falling from his eyes as he replied, "thank you, y/n, i really needed that right now."

you shakily held up your hand and he tilted his head.

you tried to clear up what you meant by saying, "high five," but that only made him panic.

"wha- well, are you sure? you don't have to just because you feel ba-"

"yes, tendou, i'm sure. now c'mon, before i change ny mind," you cut him off.

he wiped his tears and began beaming before he quickly hit your hand, "thank you."

"of course, tendou," you said, giving him a closed eyed smile before quickly dashing off to put on copious amounts of hand sanitizer.

he lightly chuckled at the scene in front of him before he heard ushijima call out for you and him to join the team circle.

(a/n: don't question why someone with germophobia would play volleyball/be a manager for a volleyball team, idk it made sense when i wrote it)

[vintagedaydreams]

TLNRS Mini Reboot

               Guys, I did a thing. Sooooooo, a reader asked if sometime I would be able to write a chapter one reboot of TLNRS where the reader asked to be killed instead of punishing Carlisle. And I was all, ‘Sure! Great idea! Not sure when I’ll get to it, but if I come up with something, I’ll let you know!’ yadda yadda yadda. Welp. Here it is.

               I actually wrote 2 of them. 2 complete different stories, though the first half is the same in both.

               Uh….sorry, not sorry??

NOT GONNA LIE, THERE ARE SOOO MANY SCENARIOS THIS COULD TAKE: THERE MAY BE MORE OUTCOMES EVENTUALLY??

               These are not edited, not even proof read all the way and I honestly wasn’t sure how to end either one since I DO NOT want to make these into full stories since, you know, I already have 2 WIPs.

               So, be warned! They may suck.                                                                                                

               Buuuuuuuut, they’re written. So without further ado, the first one!

 @kettnerjanea @katsav17 @imyourapocalypse @bethanymccauley @whirlpoolsink @rasberryfon-fon

               Volterra, Italy. A walled city in the middle of Italy, you know, the country that's on the opposite continent of America? Yes, that Volterra, Italy. A place you'd never been to in your life.

               And yet, here you were. With the Cullen family and your mate. Your mate that you didn't know was your mate and who you actually thought was already happily mated to another. Another vampire. Your mate, Carlisle and Esme, his apparent not-mate vampire friend.

               Can you say homewrecker? Ever since you found out that Carlisle was your mate and not Esme's, (the woman who had treated you like another daughter since the day Bella dragged your human self over to their house), you'd been practicing that word. Homewrecker. Homewrecker. Homewrecker.

               Carlisle was a great guy...er, vampire, and let’s be honest, he was not only gorgeous, but kind, compassionate, caring, sweet, gentle, remember mentioning gorgeous?, but, he'd been taken! And quite happily for quite some time.

               Then you walk in, unprepared and unawares and suddenly, BAM!, no more 'I love you, Esme'. Did you ever feel like a heel, or what?

               To make matters worse, assuming they could get worse, you all had been summoned to Volterra. For multiple reasons. Apparently you and Bella being human still was something of a problem and because Carlisle and Esme had marked each other as mates, even though they weren't "true mates", Carlisle was going to be punished. Supposedly, since you were his mate yet he'd marked another and been marked in return, you were the one slighted.

               Quite frankly, you felt as if you should be the one getting punished. You'd just destroyed his and Esme's relationship that they'd had for like...decades!

               What if you didn't want to be the horrible human being who tore people apart?

               A gentle hand on your elbow startled you out of your thoughts and you turned to see Carlisle, looking down at you in concern.

               "There is nothing for you to be worried about, Y/N," he said quietly, with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. You'd seen a lot of that recently. The mating pull, as Edward had explained to you, was in effect, making Carlisle super protective, possessive and worried about you.

               Which was pretty much a dream come true. Who didn’t want a handsome, sensitive, intelligent and caring man fawning over and providing for them?

               But you could see that he wasn't happy about it. He was no longer quite the care-free doctor you’d first met. Now, there was more of a stoop to his shoulders and it weighed heavy on your own heart to know that your mate wasn't content with you. That your mate was actually miserable being with you.

               Apparently this 'mating pull' went both ways. Super.

               The doors before you were suddenly opened and you were all beckoned into the throne room. You walked in beside Carlisle with Esme, Edward and Bella directly behind. You would rather have been just about anywhere other than here under these circumstances.

               Maybe you could just die? Cue mental snort. Okay, so that sounded a bit melodramatic. But...everything would go back to normal then, right? Esme, (whom you'd briefly started to think of as another mother), would get Carlisle back and Carlisle...well, he didn't seem too sold on this whole, 'You’re his mate' thing, so it probably wouldn't be that hard for him to bounce back. Bella would understand since she'd already tried dying multiple times for her loved ones and the rest of the Cullen family weren't incredibly happy with you for stealing their dad away from their mom.... This could work. 'Course, you'd have to make sure Carlisle wouldn't get punished again, but if you made it look like an accident and not that you’d actually died because of this whole mating thing, then he couldn't get into any trouble for it!

               You started to think of all the ways it could happen. Your family hadn't spoken to you since you moved to Forks almost four months ago, so they'd be fine. Stuff like this happens all the time. Well, not the whole 'suicide so your mate and his family can be happy like they were before you showed up', but accidents did happen all the time...

               A low noise brought you out of your thoughts and you looked around, a bit startled at the...growl?...that you could hear. Glancing over at Carlisle, you saw him looking back at Edward in confusion and worry.

               Curiosity peaked, you also turned to look at Eddie and your eyes widened in surprise. He was the one growling and he was....glaring at you? With a dangerous glint to his coal black eyes. You could've sworn they were gold when everyone stepped off the plane. His hunger couldn't be that severe- it’s not like half an hour would suddenly make him ravenous. Besides, all the veggie vamps fed before they boarded the jet to Italy.

               So what the hell was his problem?

               "Edward?" Carlisle asked quietly, his hand once again taking residence on your elbow. Pulling gently, the golden eyed doctor drew your closer to him.

               You had to will yourself not to melt into him. He was only doing this because of the mating pull. He really loved Esme, not you. And soon, he'd be free to love her again.

               Edward's growling suddenly grew louder.

               Your eyes widened and all the blood rushed from your face. Well shit. This whole mind reading thing was a serious pain the ass.

               Putting on your own scowl and matching glare, you turned further to face Edward.

               "Would you get out of my head already?" you demanded. And preferably not tell anyone what you heard since it's really none of your bloody business in the first place, you continued mentally.

               Bella was lucky she had some sort of mental block; what happened to privacy and common decency?!

               "Edward?" Carlisle asked again and when Edward didn't answer, only kept growling, Carlisle turned to you. "Y/N? What's the matter?"

               You turned away from Edward and back to the thrones in front of your procession where the three Volturi kings were seated and staring at you. Really. Floor, just open up and swallow you now.

               "Nothing," you muttered to the doctor. "Eddie just needs to learn personal boundaries." The Carlisle you had met before he'd realized the mating pull would've still been concerned, but dropped the subject since you obviously didn't want to talk about it.

               This new Carlisle who was forced to play dutiful mate, frowned and drew you into his side tighter before asking, "What were you thinking to make him growl like this?"

               You tensed and gave the poor guy a fake, sweet smile.  “If I wanted any of you to know, I wouldn't have thought it, I would've said it out loud."

               You internally winced at how…bitchy that sounded, how cold, but you had to distance yourself and fast. This was the first time that Carlisle had really initiated any sort of contact, especially any type of comfort and it was really starting to mess with you. It was obviously expected of him here in Volterra as your Mate, but you knew that if you weren’t here, he wouldn’t be initiating any kind of contact. Or even speaking to you. He was pretty damn good and avoiding and ignoring you.

                You’d always been drawn to Carlisle, from the beginning, and this sudden forced possessive and protective side to him was beginning to wear you down. If you weren’t careful, you really would be a homewrecker. Right now, you were trying your hardest to respect his wishes and not fall prey to the Pull. But as soon as you let it get to you, you would truly be the monster they all thought you were.

               All you wanted was for him to be happy. Even if it wasn't with you.

               Edward's growls suddenly died off and you gave a small smile, thinking he'd finally seen reason with your line of thinking and this was over.

               Boy, were you wrong.

               Aro had cleared his throat, focusing the attention on him.

               "A very spirited mate you have there, dear friend," was the first thing out of the vampire king's mouth. Carlisle gave a small smile. That once again was a shadow of his former smiles.

               "Thank you, Aro. She will certainly keep me on my toes."

               You mentally snorted again. Sure. But not for much longer.

               Aro suddenly stood and glided down to the group, stopping a few feet away. "My dear friend, I regret having to do this particular ceremony with you, but as is part of our laws and customs, it must be done."

               Carlisle inclined his head. "I understand, Aro. And I appreciate your sentiments on the matter."

               You felt your throat start to close up at the thought of Carlisle's punishment, whatever it would be, just because he marked and was marked in return by the women he loves. How was that fair?

               Your attention was suddenly diverted back to Aro as he took a few steps forward to stand in front of you.

               "My dear, if you would step up next to me?" he asked, holding out a hand. You'd heard about Aro's gift and mentally cursed. Great. All your ideas that you hadn't even finished yet, would be heard by yet another mind reader. But maybe there was a way to block certain thoughts? Edward had told Bella and yourself that Aro could hear every thought you'd ever had. Past tense. So maybe if you continued thinking your plans, they wouldn't be able to be seen...?

               It was worth a try. Not like it would hurt anything. If it failed, well, he would be able to see anything either way.

               So, with a deep breath, and more low growls from Edward, you stepped forward, placing your hand in Aro's.

               Surprisingly gentle, the vampire king pulled your away from the half of the Cullen coven and up towards the thrones. You had made it to the base of the stairs leading up to the other two kings when Aro suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, (no pun intended), and swiftly turned to stare at you.

               Because that wasn’t intimidating at all.

               Judging by the now tense atmosphere in the room, apparently this wasn't part of the normal proceedings.

               "Brother?" one of the kings, Marcus perhaps?, asked in a quiet voice. Still staring unblinking at you, Aro didn't answer for a moment.

               "Aro?" Carlisle asked, worry prominent in his voice. You tried to smother the wince that crossed your face, couldn’t you do anything right?, but judging by Aro's suddenly sharper gaze, you were pretty sure you failed. Apparently, he'd also read all your thoughts from just a little while ago, so change that fail to an Epic Fail.

               When did your life turn into this? Who did you piss off in a past life to deserve this?

               "Brother," Aro suddenly asked, seeming to snap out of his stupor and continuing you both up the stairs to his throne, "what do their lines look like?"

               Nobody in the room needed to have 'their' clarified and everyone waited with baited breath to see what Marcus would discover.

               Seeming to zone out for a few moments, Marcus' eyes suddenly refocused and he answered, "They are strong, brother. But not as strong as other true mates."

               All eyes turned to look at you. Edward's brows were drawn into a deep glare and you uncomfortably looked away. The family would either hate you because you were with their 'dad' or hate you because you freed him from your bond. Either way, there was no way to win.

               "Hm," Aro murmured thoughtfully, "I wonder if it is because she is human or because of...something else." He threw a significant look to you that you ignored the best you could.

               Edward started growling again.

               "Aro," Carlisle's voice growled out, impatient. "What is going on with my mate?"

               "I think, my dear friend, that that is a question best left for said mate to answer. However, first, I believe our ceremony should get underway."

               Immediately, all the Cullen's stiffened. Only Bella and yourself remained unaware to what exactly that meant.

               "Y/N," Aro said suddenly, taking a seat in his throne and gently pulling you to stand beside him, "your mate, Carlisle has marked and been marked in return by another. Now, as a human, you probably do not feel as insulted as a vampire would, for this is one of the worst things that a true mate can do to another. The highest form of cheating our world has."

               Carlisle's head bowed down as if under a huge weight and Esme looked from him to you with shiny eyes. Tears? Great, as if you didn't feel awful before...

               "As his actual mate," Aro continued when you didn't say anything, "you get to decide how he should be punished."

               It was quiet for a moment before you suddenly blinked and snapped your head down to meet Aro’s ruby eyes. "What? Me?"

               The vampire king nodded. "Yes, you. You were the one slighted and so, you are the one to demand the compensation. We've seen a few cases of this over the centuries. Some vampires have their mates tortured to teach them a lesson, others have had their mates kill the vampire they mistakenly marked while a few have even had their mates killed."

               Your eyes, which had gotten progressively wider now threatened to pop out of your head. Why was everything so violent with these people? You were suddenly even more thankful that you weren’t a vampire... You didn't want to feel the need to have Carlisle do any of those things!

               "Since you are human, my guard is at your disposal for whichever method you choose that you cannot fulfill yourself. Of course, you don't have to do any of those options. You are free to choose whatever you wish."

               You were silent as you stared at the Cullen's, mind racing to try and find a way that would appease the ceremony but that didn't involve hurting anybody. Especially Carlisle.

               It’s not like it was his fault that he found a woman and fell in love with her! Granted, it wasn’t your fault either that your eyes met, but maybe, you could fix it for him? After all, what kind of future could you have with Carlisle if he hated you for taking away his freedom and choice of mate?

               "Might I suggest the second option that other slighted mates have used in the past?" Aro spoke up after a few minutes of you trying to figure out what to do.

               Your eyes snapped back to his. "The option where you have your mate kill the woman he marked that was not you,” Aro continued with a barely concealed smirk. “I do believe this will solve quite a lot in this case."

               You’re not sure where you got the guts to do it, but you glared heatedly down at Aro's smirking face. He knew of your half baked plan to get Carlisle and Esme back together and was just saying that to get a rise out of the Cullen's.

               And boy, did it work.

               Bella gasped while Esme's eyes shot to yours. She quickly averted her gaze, though you could see her hands trembling. Edward was looking at you with an unreadable expression and Carlisle... Carlisle looked miserable and heartbroken. He honestly thought...they all honestly thought that you would...

               You felt tears sting your eyes. Did they really have so little faith in you? Think so little of you that they thought you would have Carlisle tear apart the women he loves because they had marked each other? Were you really that awful of a person to them? You didn't choose to be his mate! You didn't mean to take him away from anybody!

               A stubborn tear broke free and languidly trailed down the side of your face.

               Edward's face bore the softest expression you'd ever seen pointed in your direction and you shut your eyes to block him out. You didn't need his pity. Or anybody else’s.

               Taking a shaky breath, you drew your shoulders back. You’d made your decision.

               You opened your eyes and with as much courage as you could muster, you looked down to meet the expectant eyes of the Vampire King seated in his throne beside you.

               “Kill me instead,” you murmured quietly, though you knew that every vampire in the room could hear you if the sudden deafening silence was any indication.

               The smirk that had been playing around Aro’s mouth disappeared and he sat up even straighter.

               “What was that?” he asked, voice still friendly with faux cheer, but with an undercurrent of disbelief.

               You took a deep breath, before repeating even quieter, “I choose to be killed myself.”

               You weren’t able to keep eye contact with Aro for very long – those ruby eyes were boring into you and making you uncomfortable and self conscious.

               And you didn’t dare look over to the Cullens. You weren’t sure what expressions would be on their faces, but if you saw any relief from Carlisle or Esme that their Problem would soon be taken care of… You just couldn’t see their happiness at your death. It would crush you more than you already were.

               A loud snarl suddenly tore through the throne room and you jumped, head snapping towards the Cullens.

               Edward was furious.

               Eyes jet black and wild, fangs elongated and rage painted across his face, he truly looked the Vampire he was.

               “This is all your fault!” he roared at his sire, spittle flying from his lips as he advanced on Carlisle.

               Aro shifted as if to intervene, but surprisingly, the King on the other side of you, Marcus, rose first and was suddenly standing before Carlisle and Esme.

               The tension in the room skyrocketed and even Edward quickly backed down in the midst of the fury the brunette king was radiating, instead settling a bit and flashing over to Bella to draw her into his arms and soothe her as she was a bit lost over what was happening and the reason for Edward’s rage.

               “Your Bond Mate is wishing for Death,” Marcus growled out, seeming to grow even angrier when Bella gasped, horrified that you would ask for that, “and yet, you stand here, passive and quiet! Bond Mates are truly the most precious thing we have in this eternal life and you would toss yours aside to have her wallow in self doubt and loathing so you can continue a charade that has no future whatsoever!”

               Marcus’ hoarse voice had risen at the end and rang through the throne room. You were slack jawed standing by Aro’s throne – this was not the depressed and silent King that Edward had described. He was supposed to not care or pay attention to the goings on in the world.

               A quick glance around at the guards standing along the walls showed their own disbelief and wonder at the change in their King.

               What was going on?

               Something cold brushed against your hand and you looked down to see Aro’s fingers leaving your hand and then he was on his feet and growling…something that you couldn’t make out.

               But judging by the darkening look on Edward’s face and the fact that Carlisle and Esme had blanched, you figured he was telling everyone the thoughts that had been running through your head.

               Lovely.

               “I don’t want pity,” you muttered to yourself, pressing the heels of your hands to your eyes to stave off any more tears. “I just…want this to stop.”

               Surprisingly, yet another voice answered you and when you looked up, you were shocked to see it was the blonde, angry King, Caius speaking in your direction, while Marcus was still growling lowly at Carlisle and Esme.

               “Being angry, and rightfully so, at the atrocities committed by the Cullens in regard to you is not pity. My brother,” he gestured to Marcus, “had a Bonded and lost her. Aro and I have our own Mates whom we love dearly and would die for. To have Carlisle willingly neglect you is insulting, shameful and the height of idiocy.” Here he turned his attention from you to Aro. “I told you, brother, the Cullens are a waste of venom.”

               Caius’ ruby eyes bored into Edward and he gave a slight smirk. “Well, most of them anyhow.”

               “Aro,” Carlisle finally spoke up, voice soft and hesitant and you held back a shudder as best you could. The growls you could hear ratcheted up a notch and you really couldn’t decide if it was comforting or scary to have more than one vampire pissed for your sake.

               “My dear friend,” Aro interrupted Carlisle before he could say anything else, “when I heard of what had happened, with you finding your mate, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. After all, you have been alone for many years, and even though Marcus had informed you of your Bonded lines, I thought that maybe, you had just…lost patience. A remarkable feat for you, but it has been known to happen to other vampires, though none have had your control and restraint.”

               You felt like the air had been punched out of your lungs – Carlisle knew that he had a Mate? He knew that you were coming? Maybe not when you were going to show up or who exactly you were, (though Alice should have seen you, right?) but…he knew he had a mate? And that Esme wasn’t it? You felt your legs start to shake and a few more tears spilled down your cheeks. He…he hadn’t even tried to give you a chance. He’d already made up his mind about his mate before he’d even met you!

               Did…did Alice tell him about you? Did he decide that you weren’t worth it? Did you know how messed up you were, how you hadn’t always made the best choices, and just…didn’t want to deal with your shortcomings and failures? Did he not think you worthy enough of him?

               Cold hands were suddenly guiding you down into what felt like a throne, but you were too numb to care who or where, instead trying to figure out where you went wrong and how this could happen to you. You never wanted this to begin with, but for Carlisle to know and still not care… It’s not like having a mate would have blindsided him - He was expecting it!

               “But,” Aro had continued, voice steely and it would have frightened you had you been paying more attention, “to now have the full story, to know that you have been neglecting and blaming your Intended, that your – what do you call them, family? – has been harassing and abusing your Mate, pushing her to contemplate suicide and Death by our hands and you did nothing… Well, I do believe that it is time for the Volturi to step in and select your punishment.”

               Esme’s gasp pulled you out of your thoughts and you looked up to see her and Carlisle looking at you, their eyes pleading.

               “Y/N,” Carlisle suddenly said shakily, ��If you can find it in your heart-“

               When you flinched at his begging tone, deafening roars sounded out.

               Carlisle was suddenly prone on the floor, a snarling Aro on top of him while Esme was already half dismembered by a furious Marcus.

               Edward had flashed away with Bella, coming to stand next to you, but his growling was still one of the loudest in the room.

               “How dare you?!” Aro thundered, eyes black as pitch and his entire being radiating menace and danger. “You throw your Bond in your Intended’s face until you feel that she can save you? We have been far too lenient with you, Cullen sire and it has cost her dearly. Let me be clear: there will be no saving you and Esme now.”

               You swallowed as Marcus continued to tear Esme apart and Aro was poised over one of Carlisle’s limbs.

               “Wait,” you said shakily, feeling drained yet determined. This…was not what you had in mind. Carlisle and Esme weren’t supposed to get hurt! You were the one who was going to disappear forever so they could be together.

               You couldn’t have their deaths or pain on your conscience!

               “They don’t deserve you,” Edward said quietly from beside you, suddenly kneeling by the throne in which you sat. “They don’t deserve any of your kindness or your sacrifice. They have made their decision and it wasn’t the right one. Now they have to pay the price for it.”

               “How can following your heart be wrong?” you whispered, another tear slipping down your face. For all his faults and horrible attitude to you, you were drawn to Carlisle and you just didn’t want him hurt or upset. How would torturing or killing him and Esme be the right thing to do? Just because he went with his heart and not with the Bond?

               “That Cullen is not following his heart,” Caius snorted from the other side of the throne and you jerked your head over to look at him. “He is simply too muddled, idiotic and soft to think like a proper vampire. Once Bond Mates’ eyes meet, there is no other – for either one of them. You feel a pull towards him, correct?”

               You nodded, a bit ashamed that you felt something towards Carlisle while he obviously felt nothing towards you.

               “If you, as a human, feel the Pull, what do you think he would feel, as a vampire? As much as he may deny it, and as much as it pains me to say it, Carlisle is a vampire. He feels the Pull the same way Aro and myself do, as Marcus did when Didyme was alive. There is no other for him – there never will be another. Him clinging to his relationship with Esme is nothing more than stubbornness and malice at this point, designed to not only hurt you who would dare to remind him that he is prey to the same vices as the rest of the Vampire world, but also in a last ditch effort to deny that which he is. Death would be a kindness to him, at this point. He is obviously not happy being a vampire and cannot be expected to help create anyone else’s happiness either.”

               You knew you were gaping a bit at the blonde next to you, but seriously, how could you not? The King that Hates Humans just basically gave you a reassuring pep talk?

               …What?

               A loud screeching noise jerked your attention back to the other two Kings and Carlisle and Esme, the latter completely dismembered.

               “Y/N!” Carlisle tried once more, golden eyes large, frightened and locked on your own, but Aro was quick to wrench his head from his shoulders.

               “Quite enough of that, I think,” the telepathic mind reader said nonchalantly, seeming back to his friendly and flamboyant personality.

               How many personalities did he have, exactly?

               Within moments, the rest of Carlisle followed suit; arms and legs yanked out of sockets and feet and hands separated from ankles and wrists.

               Part of you wanted to look away – they were destroying your Mate and his Marked in front of you! – but a larger part of you felt…vindicated.

               “As you should,” Edward said darkly from beside you, still cradling Bella to him as she watched on as well, brown eyes almost greedily taking in the destruction of the two Cullen leaders.

               “You have done no wrong, Y/N,” Edward continued, “and the fact that you wished for death…” He trailed off, closing his eyes that were once again black and leaning down to inhale Bella’s scent in an obvious effort to calm himself.

               “It is beyond despicable,” Caius grunted, heading back to his throne as Marcus and Aro regally ascended back up the stairs to the throne. A carelessly waved hand had the guards suddenly moving to dispose of the remains of Carlisle and Esme – permanently if the muttered remark about ‘matches’ gave any indication. They would not be leaving this castle again.

               Aro stopped in front of his throne, the one that you were currently occupying and you suddenly straightened, moving to stand and remove yourself from his seat.

               Another carelessly waved hand had you settling gingerly back down as Aro shocked you once again by taking a seat on the top step in front of you.

               “Now that that…unfortunate business is taken care of,” he began with a large smile and childish-like glee, “it is time to get to know one another a bit better!”

               You blinked once. Twice. Three times.

               “What?”

               Edward had also taken a seat, placing himself beside the throne with Bella pulled into his lap.

               “Aro, perhaps now is not the best time,” he suggested quietly, casting you a look that had your hackles raising a bit.

               Damn mind readers. Yes, you were human and yes, you had literally just asked to be killed not twenty minutes ago, but you weren’t fragile!

               “What on earth do you need to know that you haven’t already read in my mind?” you asked, beyond confused as to why one of the most powerful vampires in the world would want anything to do with you now that you’d pretty much made him kill one of his oldest friends.

               Edward thew a growl in your direction that had Aro impatiently holding out a hand to read Edward’s mind.

               And then Aro was growling softly at you.

               “You did not make me do anything, Y/N,” he said firmly, eyes narrowing. “What Carlisle did was inexcusable. And rest assured, when the rest of his Coven is destroyed as well, that too, will not be your fault.”

               You blanched at the easy way in which he talked about destroying Carlisle’s entire family.

               “What?! Why are they being destroyed?”

               All the vampires left in the room, even the few guards remaining, gave you a disbelieving look.

               You blushed. Okay, that was a pretty stupid question considering that they were just as bad, if not worse, than Carlisle. But still…a whole coven destroyed because of you?

               You slunk down in the throne a bit, feeling like the weight of the world was on your shoulders.

               Why couldn’t you have just had a happy ending? No deaths, no dismemberment, no misery? Just…happiness?

               “Because my sire was an idiot,” Edward said quietly to you, eyes once again a bright golden and focused on you. “This is in no way your fault, Y/N. You just had…a run of bad luck.”

               Your snort was echoed by one from Caius.

               “All of your coven mates fall under the description of ‘bad luck’,” the blonde mocked.

               “Why do you despise the Cullens?” Bella asked quietly from Edwards lap.

               To your surprise, Caius not only answered but gave her his undivided attention.

               “No real vampire would neglect who they are fundamentally. They wouldn’t feed off of animals, they wouldn’t feel shame for being who they are and they certainly wouldn’t neglect one of the very basic instincts of all vampires: Bond Mates.”

               “But…why is it bad that some vampires drink from animals? If it makes their life easier?” Bella asked, voice a little stronger now that the King was actually answering her.

               “It’s not the actual animal drinking that’s the problem,” Caius said darkly, “it’s the reason behind it. These ‘vegetarian’ vampires are ashamed to be what they are. They look down on those that have different feeding styles because they feel they are monsters. There are a lot of vampires that prey off of the scum of your human societies – the murders, molesters, rapists, thieves. And yet, they are villainized by those too weak to keep themselves from slaughtering Innocents when they are overwhelmed by scents because they are too used to barely scraping by on animals. There is no shame in being a vampire. Even those as noble as Carlisle have faults that can be greater than those they look down on.”  

               You stole a glance at Edward, finding him looking thoughtful at Caius’ explanation, rather than defensive or angry. Bella too.

               You gave a small smile, feeling your adoration for the two grow. They had been so kind to you, your rocks during all of this. You really could never repay them.

               “And you don’t have to,” Edward said quietly and you gave a watery laugh.

               Damn mind readers.

               Maybe this would be okay, you not having a Mate anymore. Perhaps there would be someone else out there for you. Someone you could actually have love you in return?

               “Perhaps,” Aro said suddenly, and you saw his hand drop from Edward’s once again, “we can keep you here in Volterra for awhile. Make sure there are no lasting side effects from your Mate’s…sudden demise. And perhaps we can see about finding you someone who can show you what a True Mate should be like, hm?”

               You looked at Aro in confusion.

               The black haired monarch gave a serene smile and leaned forward.

               “Tell me, my dear. Have you ever heard of a vampire named Garrett?”

[did-he-just-hiss-at-me]

"They'll forget."

warnings: implied suicide attempt(non-specific about who), long with no cut cuz mobile, angst, hurt/comfort

summary: "Remus cackled. 'Don't say that! They're definitely going to try to rescue you, and they'll fall for our trap!' Logan sighed, and his head drooped. 'No.' he said in a hollowed tone. 'They'll forget.'" (not an excerpt)

ships: implied dukeceit(beginning), implied intruloceit(end)

au: super au(my au)

notes: based off this post. sorry if you guys didn't want an au tied to it hgdjfjs. lmk if you want a sequel

-----

(Logan's POV)

Day 1

I woke up with a massive headache, and lacking the ability to see. I couldn't move any part of my body except my head. Where am I? What happened? I questioned internally. I didn't want to alert whoever put me here to the fact that I am awake.

My memory is a foggy mess. I can't remember much. There was... yelling. Or rather, fighting. I wasn't participating in said fight. I don't even think I was allowed to.

Then I was walking home. I remember having my hands in my pockets, staring at the ground. Not caring about the world ahead of me, just below. Maybe a tear or two slipped out, it's hard to remember.

Then I remember someone grabbing me. Pulling me into an alley, and kicking me to the ground. I saw two familiar faces. I got a baseball bat to the face, then darkness.

I coughed, loud. It wasn't intentional, my throat was really dry. How long was I unconscious? It felt like a whole day. Not good for my sleep schedule. Speaking of schedules, I'm worried that my boss has fired me from work by now. He has no patience.

"Hey, L's awake!" a familiar voice called out to another, the sound echoing down the hall. A chill went down my spine, trouble was coming. Footsteps came after the echoing voice. They got louder and louder, fast.

"Heh, You sure that wasn't the other guy?" another voice appeared. It sounded sinister. "Dee, what other guy...? Did you proceed with a kidnapping without me?!" The first voice again. "No no, I'm kidding, Logan's the only one we got right now."

I tried my hardest to appear unconscious, but hearing what was supposedly my name caught me off guard. Logan. That's who I am, right.

It comes back to me now. I am Logan Everton. Natural-born Super with technologic-based abilities. I go by the codename Digit. I am a Super with good intentions.

I remember what happened before I got here. My common allies(though they would refer to us as "friends"), Patton 'Heartbeat' Harper, Roman 'Magma' Aveyard, & Virgil 'Specter' Deckett, were at Roman's place, having a fight. Our team ethic was going awry and it was making everything harder, our successful missions being smaller than our unsuccessful ones.

I had remained quiet most of the conversation, but that's because nobody would let me speak. I'd try to pitch in, steer everyone to a positive outcome, but they'd either yell over me or tell me to stop.

11. I counted. That's how many times I had been shut down. After that, I had enough. I grabbed my backpack, and left without a sound. Nobody called out for me, telling me not to leave, that they would listen to me now. Not at all.

As I shut Roman's front door, I had let out a big sigh. Hands in my pockets, I walked down the sidewalk to my house. It was just a couple blocks away, I would've made it. But back then I didn't care. I started to cry, but I didn't care.

But suddenly I was pulled into an alleyway. I was so caught off guard that I was unable to resist being kicked to the ground and knocked out with a baseball bat. I remember seeing the faces of the two men who grabbed me; Roman's ostracized brother, Remus 'Psycho' Aveyard, and Ethan 'Deceit' Helquist. A common enemy of ours. I now was able to match the voices I just heard to the faces. They got me, and now I'm doomed.

Somebody pulled whatever was over my eyes off my face. Regardless I still tried to look unconscious, but they weren't having it. "Open your eyes Logan, that's not going to work on us." Ethan sneered. I opened my eyes and glared at Ethan. "What do you want from me." I wanted answers.

"Ooh, straightforward now, aren't we nerd? You usually want to know details first, haha!" cackled Remus. "Shut it Rem, this is my turn." snapped Ethan. "We don't want anything from you... yet. For now, you have one, simple purpose... heh..." he chuckled. This could not be good. This guy is a expert manipulator; which is boosted by his powers of deception, hypnosis, and "glamour"(which according to Lo's research, meant you can disguise yourself). Ethan's powers didn't last long, but they were effective.

"I said it once. And I'll say it again." I started to demand. "What. Do. You. Want. What is your plan." I needed to contact the others and let them know what is happening. They wouldn't know otherwise.

Ethan put his hands down on the arms of the chair I was strapped to, his hands just barely touching mine. His face was 1/2 of a foot from mine. "I know your tricks, Lo~. I confiscated your technology, you cannot contact your little 'pals'. Anyways, until your teammates get here, you're just bait. You will lure them here. After all, what will your team be without their smart team member?" Ethan explained with an evil smirk. Right, how did I not realize that? My head still hurts, it's making it hard to think clearly.

"And yet, your plan is still flawed." I dead-panned. "What. Did you. Say?" Ethan growled back, moving his head back a little and grabbing me by my shirt.

"I told you, your plan has a loophole, and it's being exploited right now whether my friends know it or not." "What are you talking about, dork? Our plan is perfect!" Remus cackled once more.

"They're not coming."

Silence settled upon the room. A stunned Ethan gently let go of my shirt, & took a couple steps back. He let out a laugh of disbelief. "You must be joking! Seriously?! Why wouldn't they come for YOU?!"

"Because they don't know I'm missing. And they never will, because they don't want to know." I paused for a moment, tearing up a little. Not enough for them to notice, but it's there. "They don't care about me."

Remus started laughing, killing the sad moment. "HAH, I don't believe that for a second, four-eyes!" His face was filled with disbelief and mania. "You...Your friends need you, why wouldn't they come for you! You're so valuable to them, which is why we chose you in the first place!" he cackled once more.

"Well, you made a poor choice then. Anyone would have been better than me..."

Ethan snapped out of his stunned state. "Don't think that you can fool us so easily, Digit." he glared, putting emphasis on my nickname. "Remus?" he called for the male's attention.

"Yes, Double Dee~?" he responded with a wink.

"I told you, stop calling me that. Now, go get our prisoner food. Probably McDonalds or something."

"Will do, ya snake-charmer!" Remus winked again. Remus ran out.

"Oh, and one more thing, dear prisoner." The words felt like acid on Logan's skin. "They have 7 days to get here. Whether you say they'll come or not, they have a time limit before there's... consequences" Ethan warned, with a hiss at the end. He presented an evil smile before leaving Logan alone in the dark.

---

(No POV)

Day 2

Ethan & Remus returned to their prisoner early that morning, and hung around. Eventually they transferred Logan from being tied to a chair to a window-less bedroom with a locked door. It was actually a nice room to be in. The bed was super comfy, there was a TV with a DVD player(plus many dvds), a table and chair, and a bookshelf. On the table, Remus left him a notepad and pencil to write on if Logan needed anything, as there was enough room under the door to slip paper through. Logan never used it that day though, he just sat around in his room and sulked, knowing how this wasn't going to turn out for his enemies. The only time he got up was for food, which was always fast food. At least they were generous enough to give him nice(ish) things. They could've just gave him a burger and left, But Logan didn't care either way.

Ethan & Remus never stuck around in the room, just checked up on him. But seeing Logan just laying there on the bed filled the two with an emotion they could not identify yet.

---

Day 3

Almost the same as yesterday. Today was a Monday, so surely someone from his job would wonder where Logan went, right? Nope. Ethan kept Logan's phone with him at all times and there were no texts, no calls, not even a message on any social media.

Logan hesitantly got out of bed to do stuff aside from eating meals. None of the movies available were ones he was interested in, so he got Remus to bring him some documentaries, as well as Logan's personal notebook from his bag.

In fact, the little maniac decided to hang around Logan a bit. Some of the documentaries Remus grabbed were unintentionally ones he liked, so he decided to watch them with his prisoner.

Ethan still didn't like Logan. That's what he says, at least.

---

Day 4

Not much happened, just the usual. Except Remus had brought Logan a cookie with his dinner, a nice change.

---

(Ethan's POV)

I was sitting at my kitchen table, just staring out the window. I had my arm supporting my head while I thought about things.

Logan's proving himself right and I don't like it. But I don't get why. I should be upset because my plans are going wrong, but... I'm not.

Suddenly I felt hands covering my eyes. "Guess who~?" a voice asked in a sing-songy tone. I chuckled. "Obviously it's Remus. There's nobody else it could be."

Remus uncovered my eyes and pulled me into a hug, causing me to yelp. "You got me, babe!" he confessed, kissing me on the cheek. "Sorry for the hug, I forgot you don't like large, sudden moments of physical contact." Remus pulled away slowly and apologized, looking a bit embarrassed. Overstepping my boundaries is the only time he ever seems embarrassed.

"It's ok, Rem." I unintentionally sighed. Logan's still on my mind. My expression became a but more sad as I continued to think about the situation.

"Something wrong, Double Dee~?" Remus flirtatiously chuckled. He then noticed my facial expression and his smile fell. "...Seriously. Is everything ok? You usually let this kind of thing slide, Ethan." he queried worriedly. You could see the concern in his eyes. He only uses my full name when he's genuinely troubled.

"No no, it's not that." I reassured with a smile, as I grabbed his hand and held it with both of mine. Then the frown of mine returned right after. "It's Logan."

"Oh... is it because of you-know-what?" he questioned again.

"If "you-know-what" is the fact that his "friends" still haven't come for him? Yeah. It is..." I responded once again. Remus's face said everything. He recognized that Logan had told the truth.

"What's more, they haven't even shown a sign that they're planning to come get him. I tracked their movements across the city, not even a little bit of time was spent doing any sort of planning." I added on. Remus & I looked into each other's eyes. We saw the pain within ourselves. A familar feeling. An experience we remember all too well.

Seconds that felt like hours passed by. We wanted to cry. We were abandoned by those we trusted so dearly. Cast aside, all because of mistakes. Look what it did to us. We know the feelings experience during that time of loneliness. I don't want Logan to feel what we did, and I know Remus agrees.

"He... Logan's just like how we once were."

"Indeed, he is. And we're not going to let it remain like that."

---

(No POV)

Day 5

Remus & Deceit, to Logan's suspicion, made an effort to slowly welcome him. Remus was already doing so but only out of "sheer pity for the nerd". At first, Logan was hesitant. He had a bias against them due to them being villains.

Day 6

But by mid-day Wednesday, Logan had opened up more. He didn't understand it, but he just let it happen. He didn't care anymore. They're probably earning his trust so they can manipulate him against the others later.

Logan just wanted it to be over. During this past week, he had a lot of time to think. Enough time to lose hope in humanity. Nobody was going to rescue him. He was going to be forced to kill those he once loved.

He didn't want to admit it, but Logan was actually looking forward to his revenge. Not towards his kidnappers, no. They've actually shown him more acceptance than he's felt in a long time.

He wanted revenge on his former team.

---

(Logan's POV)

Day 7 - The last day.

Remus returned to check on me right on schedule. We talked a bit, watched a movie, he even brought a few puzzles for us to do.

Ethan, however, did not return until the evening. I had forgotten today was the "deadline" until the sinister man entered the room and dropped his backpack beside the now closed door with a glare towards Remus.

"It's time." he snapped. "Do you want to leave the room, Remus? I do not want to upset you, after all."

Remus gulped. "No... I want to stay. This is important for the three of us." he shook his head.

Important for the three of us? My body stiffened up and I squeezed my lower right arm. That cannot be good. Remus & I were previously sitting on my bed, angled right across from the door. The now terrified man got up and stepped beside his partner, who was now in the middle of the room, a few feet away from me.

"Should I hold him back, to make sure he cooperates...?" Remus questioned worriedly.

"No. You'll scare him." said Ethan as he stared into my eyes, never moving his attention. "But you already are, look at him." Ethan's previously tense stance had instantly loosened, realization dawning on him. Remus was right, I had now realized I was shaking, sweat was dripping down my back.

"Oh... Oh! I-i'm so sorry, Logan. It wasn't my intention." He bent down to my level and apologized. I was still stiffened up, though, and I turned my head away. "I'll let it pass." I finally let out as he waited for my response. His expression became sad.

"Logan, look at me. You need to listen." I hesitated for a second, but then turned to look him in his heterochromatic eyes. He seemed genuine.

"Today marks almost exactly a whole week of your friends not coming to save you. I originally had one plan, which you had no choice." I glared at him, moving back slightly. "But now that it hasn't worked, you have three choices." My eyebrows raised at the sudden proposal. I still remained like a statue, but now i'm truly listening.

"Number one. We let you go free, but... under one condition." Ethan paused for a moment. "You either give up all your technology-period-or, you let us keep track of what you do with any technology you use. We know your powers rely on having a gadget with you, Logan. We can't let you continue being a threat, but we also no longer want to see you hurt. You're a good man, you know." he confessed solemnly.

My expression softened. In the end, I didn't want to give up being a hero. The world needs me. But if this ends up being my best option, then I will agree.

"Option two, our backup plan in case you refuse option 1 & 3. In the situation where you refuse the before mentioned options, we will proceed with our original intentions. We hypnotize you with the intention to use you against your friends. We no longer want to do this to you, but if you refuse to cooperate we will do this." once more, his offer came solemnly.

I tightened up again, prepared to defend myself. I didn't want to know option 3, I just wanted to be as free as I can get. But before I could open my mouth, Remus spoke up.

"Why didn't you save that for last? I thought that would've made a better ending."

"Trust me, this one is a better closer in my opinion, Remus." he sighed.

"Finally, option 3." Ethan took a deep breath. This sounded like nerve wrecking answer for him to say. I wasn't sure whether to care or not. I just remained defensive.

At last, he let it out. "You join us. Leave your troubling life as a hero behind. Get payback for what the world has done to you. Or if you want to remain 'heroic', the three of us can become anti-heroes. Whatever it takes to make you happy." Ethan sounded serious.

Remus chimed in again, to Ethan's frustration. "Don't you want to show those losers how you feel about them now?! Smash their heads in?! Make them regret even wronging you once?!"

"No!" I lied, curling up into a ball on the bed. I didn't know what I want one bit. My morals are split in front of me, forcing me to choose one half and discard the other permanently.

The more serious of the two grabbed me by the shoulders, remaining at my eye level. "Look. I know you're hesitant to leave it all behind. You're used to one path in life. But we want what's best for you in the end. I know that anger is going to fester within you until you can no longer handle it, and end it all because there's nothing you can do about it." In that moment. Remus started shaking, crossing his arms and trying to calm himself. Ethan didn't notice, he was too focused on reassuring me.

"We were exactly like you once. Abandoned, by those we trusted most!" Ethan too, was now breaking down. "Cast away, all because of some mistakes! We had never known better! The problems built up within us, and corrupted us! And all the painful emotions of loneliness and betrayal along the way..." he choked out that last bit with a sob. "We want to help you avoid that part. We've turned out to want to care for you... W-we want-" the manipulator was now crying. Remus came up to him and slowly pulled him into a hug to comfort him, crying too.

"Shh, it's ok, Eth. It's ok, deep breaths." the maniacal one said in a way that seemed out of character for him. As Remus cried too, he rubbed Ethan's back.

I, Logan, have now come to a realization. They're serious. They genuinely care about me. Unlike anyone currently alive and in my life. I decided in that moment that my heart is right. I want what will satisfy my fury.

I got down to the ground with them and grabbed Ethan's hand, squeezing it periodically. "Ethan, listen. I'm here. Do as I say. Breathe in for 4 seconds..." As I began to help calm him down, he followed along. "Hold it for 7 seconds... And now let go for 8, and repeat." After about a minute Ethan was calm.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that side of me. You didn't deserve to know all that." he tried to confess. "Eth-..." Remus began to reassure, but cut himself off.

"I'll do it." I agreed, catching their attention. "I'm going to join you. You're right." I said as I stood up. I was going to say more, but I was stopped by the both of them getting up, and Remus pulling me into a tight hug.

"Don't worry, you'll fit right in with us. Everything will be just fine. We will never forget about you."

And in that moment, I knew they were right.

[thdorkmagnet]

Moments in a New World

Hey everyone!! Happy one year anniversary of the “Cleaved” finale and belated Starco day!!! Can't believe it's already been a year! It's still so fresh in my mind it might as well have been yesterday. Star vs has been a huge part of my life for five years now and I hope it continues to be well into the future and that others continue to like and enjoy this series and the fans who help keep it alive and kicking!!

Anyways, I have a little something here for the occasion that I hope and think you'll like. Just a sappy, fluffy Starco story about their lives after the finale. You know the drill. So now I'll leave you to it!! Please enjoy!!

Disclaimer: Star vs and all its characters belong to Daron Nefcy and Disney. All rights go to them.

More post-Earthni fics: Marco's Birthday Blowup Blast, Starco Wedding

One Minute After Cleaving

Star and Marco stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, standing mere inches apart as their eyes gleamed with love and unparalleled joy as they were reunited once more. The world only consisted of the two of them, the sounds of chaos drowned out in the background, their new collided world an afterthought for the young couple, all that mattered was that they were together again, face to face, able to get lost in each other's shimmering eyes. The two had been completely silent save for a simple greeting, both teens too chocked up to produce any word more than “Hey” or “Hi”.

But finally it was as if the spell was broken, Marco inexplicably flinging his arms around the girl, bringing her into a tight hug that he never wanted to end, burying his head into her shoulder as his body shook with relief.

“Marco,” Star whispered out, surprised by the boy's sudden action.

“I thought I-” the hooded teen began, his voice choked and tight, like he was fighting back tears with every word, his grip on Star's small frame tightening. “I thought you were- you were-” Marco let out a shaky breath, unable to even finish the horrifying sentence.

“Shhh,” Star soothed, rubbing her arms up and down his back as tears gently dripped from her blue orbs. “It's okay. I'm here, I've got you and I'm never letting you go again.”

Marco let out what sounded like a cross between a chuckle and a sob as tears now ran down his own cheeks, dripping onto his girlfriend's shoulder, though neither of them cared. “Please don't ever scare me like that again.”

Star giggled before sniffing, finally pulling away as she rubbed tears out of her eyes with the back of her hand. “I won't. Trust me that was probably the most afraid I've ever been in my life!”

“More afraid than that time you got stuck inside of Toffee?” Marco asked, a smile on his face despite the red swelling in his eyes and the tearstains on his cheeks.

Star nodded. “Definitely... but it's a close second.”

The two shared a laugh together, letting all the anxiety and worry that had been plaguing them melt off until only their love remained. Finally, Marco paused, staring thoughtfully at the ground, before meeting his girlfriend's eye again, whispering under his breath, “I love you.”

Star smiled softly at her Marco, repeating in a chocked tone, “I love you, too.”

Then, without warning, Marco moved in for a kiss, catching Star's lips between his own as he poured every inch of his heart and self into the simple affectionate act. Star smiled against him, before closing her eyes and letting it deepen, a spark rising up in her as she cherished this precious moment with the love of her life and Marco happily doing the same. While all around them, the two worlds of Earth and Mewni collided into a beautiful chaos, as the first day of a new world began.

One Day After Cleaving

Star and Marco sat side by side on the couch in the Diaz's living room, as they stared blankly at the TV, watching as the news crew filmed random situations happening all over Earthni: an apartment complex covered in webs from a giant spider, warnicorns and piggoats blocking traffic on busy crossroads, giant Monster footprints crushing poor Principal Skeeves's car. And there were many, many more of these images, all accompanied by the confused ramblings of a startled news crew, struggled to make sense of it all, stuttering out halfhearted explanations and theories. Eventually, Eclipsa appeared on the screen, providing an explanation for this bizarre new world that had been formed, speaking clearly and calmly into the microphone being offered her by a wide-eyed news anchor, who kept casting weary glances at Globgore, who stood at his wife's side. 

Star bit her lip, letting out a low groan as she slumped over some on the couch. Marco looked over to his girlfriend with a puzzled look, before spotting the worry etched into her features and asked, “Hey, you want me to turn this off?”

“What's the point?” Star mumbled out, crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

Marco, sensing how serious this all was picked up the remote and turned off the TV before directing his full attention onto his girlfriend. “Star, c'mon talk to me, what's wrong?”

Star sighed, before giving her boyfriend a lost look, saying brokenheartedly, “I don't know, it just feels like we made things worse instead of better.”

“Do you... regret what we did?” Marco asked nervously, not quite sure if he could stand knowing the answer.

Star shook her head. “No. I'm glad we did what we did,” the blond stated no hesitation in her tone as she gave her boyfriend a small smile. But it quickly turned to a sad frown as she added, “I guess I just thought destroying the magic would fix everything. But things are just as crazy now as they were before, maybe even crazier! How are we gonna fix this?”

Marco put a hand on his girlfriend's shoulder, giving it a small squeeze as he smiled reassuringly down at her. “We'll figure it out, we always do.”

“Uh, did you not see the news report, Marco,” Star asked sarcastically. “Everyone is freaking out!”

Marco laughed, before saying, “Well yeah, it's only been a day, Star, of course they're freaking out. They just need time to adjust is all.” The boy put an arm around his girlfriend's waist, causing both of them to blush a deep red. But the boy added in a confident tone, “They'll come around once they get used to all this, trust me.”

Star raised a skeptical eyebrow at her boyfriend, before asking, “How can you be so sure?”

Marco shrugged, fixing his girlfriend with a loving stare as he said, “Well see, a few years ago, this crazy, magical princess came crashing into my world out of nowhere and I thought that she was gonna ruin my life or something.” 

Star laughed, before playfully elbowing her boyfriend in the ribs, “Heeeyy.” 

Marco smiled, but continued, “But then, the craziest thing happened, I discovered I loved spending time with her and being near her...” Star blushed, staring shyly into Marco's brown orbs as he continued. “And that the magical chaos that I was so afraid was gonna ruin my life, ended up changing it and me for the better. I wouldn't be the same without her and I wouldn't change a single minute of it, no matter how weird or wild it got.”

“Me either,” Star said, moving so her back now rested on his side, giving the arm now wrapped around her frame a tight squeeze. 

“So, you see, if this safe kid could learn to embrace Mewni and all its strangeness, than anyone can,” Marco finished, placing a gentle peck at the top of her head.

Star nodded, letting out a content sigh as she nuzzled Marco's form with the back of her head (causing the boy to blush like crazy), replying softly, “Yeah, I guess you're right.” 

One Month After Cleaving

Marco lay awake in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't know how late it was, though he guessed easily after midnight, yet sleep still continued to evade him. Not that he was actively trying to fall asleep, the concept of a good night's rest about as far from his mind as possible, not when he had a million other things on his mind to worry about, his thoughts running wild and refusing to release him from their cruel hold.

The nights were always the hardest for him, during the day it was easy to distract himself, his life full and busy since Earthni had come to be. He was constantly coming and going from meetings and speeches as he, Star, Moon, and Eclipsa worked hard to create peace amongst the three races that now dwelled on this dimension, trying to appease everyone to the best of their abilities, trying to set up boundaries, a new ruling system and constitution, and most importantly making sure everyone would be considered equal in their new home. All of this alone was exhausting but add in spending time with his friends, taking care of his new baby sister, and regular dates with Star and Marco barely had time to breath, much less think.

So at night, when everything finally quieted down and there was nothing but him and the empty silence of his room, that was when the flashbacks would start. He would lay there for hours on end thinking about that day in the Realm of Magic, the fear and sorrow he had felt when the two had separated for what might have been forever. How, in his moment of despair, he had been incapable of returning to Earth, planning on going to Mewni, to Star, only to find his only way back was now closed, leaving him stranded and alone. He remembered how relieved he had been to see Star, to hug her and cling to her for what might have been the end, only to be separated from her once more.

He could still feel his desperation as he raced across town to the portal, to the last chance he had of being with the one he loved again, only to have his final hope shattered and destroyed in a massive explosion, his own stupid legs incapable of reaching the portal in time.

The boy shuddered, letting out a shaky sigh, as he rolled over onto his side. Every night it was the same thing, Marco would lie there and think about how he almost lost his soulmate, his love, his Star forever. About how close he had come to losing his better half. What would his life even be like without Star in it? He dreaded to think about it and yet, he couldn't quite stifle the thoughts in his head... or the occasional nightmare he had about said topic.

Marco blinked away the few stray tears, before rolling over yet again, staring at his wall as he debated getting up and getting a glass of milk or something. It beat laying there in misery, right?

Suddenly, though Marco was pulled from his depressing thoughts as he heard his door gently squeaking open and a small ray of light shining through the crack, blinding the boy for a moment. Marco sat up, looking in shock at the doorway as a head pocked through the entrance, staring at him with startling blue orbs that made his heart dance.

“Star?” Marco asked, his voice tight and he coughed once to clear it. He moved so he was now sitting off the edge watching as Star slowly sauntered over to him, ignoring how adorable she looked in her nightgown. “What are you doing up so late?”

“Couldn't sleep,” Star admitted, staring down at her hands instead of Marco, biting her lip as her eyes filled with worry. Marco didn't even have to ask to know just what was bothering his girlfriend, her expression a perfect match to his.

“Me either,” Marco confessed, giving her a small smile as he patted a spot next to him on the bed. The girl plopped down beside him, bringing her bare knees up to her chest as the two stared off into space. They let out a simultaneous sigh, but made no other attempts at conversation, simply resigning themselves to their uncomfortable thoughts.

“Will we ever stop doing this?” Star finally asked, her voice so low and soft Marco barely heard it.

“We will,” Marco said as comfortingly as possible. “It's just gonna take a while, it's not gonna happen overnight.”

“I wish it did,” Star grumbled bitterly.

Marco put a hand on top of Star's. “Believe me, I do too.” The two finally locked eyes, as Marco gave his girlfriend a loving smile. “But it'll get easier, I promise.”

Star grinned back, before saying, “Well until it does, I'll be here for you, whenever you need me.”

Marco chuckled a little, before adding, “Me too.” And then he planted the softest kiss on Star's forehead.

“Well I better be getting back to bed,” Star said, reluctantly rising up off the soft mattress, walking slowly toward the door. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Marco replied, watching with suppressed sadness as his girlfriend left his room. The moment she was gone and the door closed, Marco let out a breath to sooth his nerves. It's okay, she's only going to her room, it's right down the hall, she's not going away forever, he reassured himself, using the breathing technique Sensai had taught him. You don't need to get her. You don't need to get her.

You need to get her. Marco whimpered as the panic set in and the boy was unable to stop himself as he jumped to his feet, running to the door and throwing it open, already calling out for his girlfriend. “Star!”

The boy froze as he came face to face with Star who hadn't moved an inch since closing the door, just standing silently out in the hallway unable to return to her own room. Marco panted as he stared into Star's startled eyes and he quickly gasped out, “I need you here with me, I don't want to be alone.”

“Me too!” Star squeaked out, the worry on her face clear.

“You wanna sleep in my room tonight?”

“Yes, please!”

Star quickly wrapped her arms around her boyfriend's neck, practically hanging off him as Marco pushed the door closed with his foot, slowly shuffling them over to the bed. The boy laid down, pulling Star with him so she was now laying on top of him, Star gently laying her head on his chest, letting the sound of his heartbeat sooth her. Marco pulled the covers up over them, before wrapping his arms around his girlfriend's waist.

“Comfortable?” he asked and Star nodded.

“Mm-hmm,” she replied sweetly.

“Good,” Marco said, kissing the top of her head and causing his girlfriend to grin ear to ear.

The two settled down deeper into their warm sheets, their minds finally calm enough to allow them to rest. The two were asleep within minutes, snoring softly as they held onto one another, dreaming pleasant dreams, safe and secure in the knowledge that against all odds, they were together.

One Year After Cleaving

The loud sound of clashing could be heard echoing through the treetops, alerting everyone to the violent struggle taking place as Star and Marco were engaged in combat with Earthni's most wanted criminal: Mina. The woman, despite no longer having magic, was still putting up quite the fight, even though she was more of a nuisance for the veteran fighters than an actual threat. The crazy woman, armed with a broad sword, was swinging recklessly at them in the hopes of maiming one of her two opponents. While Star and Marco flowed around her attacks with precision and grace, their movements near synchronized, almost as if they were of the same mind.

Marco would do most of the countering for the two, since he was armed with the sword Star had gotten for him for this birthday earlier that year. Which left Star open to lash out at Mina with a brutal kick, her karate lessons from Marco paying off well, her foot practically a lethal weapon at this point. Mina seemed to be growing more and more reckless with every second that passed, clearly running out of steam as she struggled to hold the two off, growling in anger as she lashed out at them. It was obvious the fight was soon drawing to a close.

In a last desperate attempt she tried stabbing at Star, Marco quickly sliding into his girlfriend's rescue, his sword clanging loudly against Mina's, as he held her at bay. Star took this opportunity to strike, ducking low under Marco's arm and catching Mina by surprise as she suddenly rose to full height and punched Mina smack in the face.

The woman cried out in pain, stumbling back away from the two and dropping her sword. Star and Marco shared a look before running at her as one and swinging their legs around and kicking her square in the chest as one, sending Mina flying back and nearly into the rushing river behind her.

Star and Marco panted, the boy sheathing his sword, their exhaustion only as relevant as the joyful smiles on their faces as they shared a loving look. It felt great to be fighting together again like old times, it reminded them of why they fell in love in the first place.

Mina rose awkwardly to her feet, swaying unevenly as she shouted out, “Hey what gives, why are you attacking me, anyways? I didn't do nothin' wrong. Just wait till I tell the proper authorities you two attacked a helpless old lady!”

Star and Marco rolled their eyes, the blond arguing, “Mina, give it up already, we know you've been trying to poison the Monster's water supply.”

“Yeah, we already have multiple eyewitnesses,” Marco added.

Mina crossed her arms, childishly turning her head away from them. “I don't know what you're talking about,” she denied.

The two gave her a deadpanned stare as Marco pointed out, “We can see the vat of toxic waste behind you.”

Mina froze, turning to where a vat sat beside her, green smoke coming out of the top, with a massive symbol for 'biohazzard' was on the front. She scoffed, waving a dismissive hand at the two, before claiming, “Big deal. You monster smoochers can't stop me with your puny fighting technique, I was Queen Solaria's most trusted general, I don't go down so easily!”

“Oh, you mean the queen who helped us destroy the magic to take down you!” Star taunted.

Mina's eyebrow twitched, before exclaiming, “That was probably just a fake you made to fool me with your magic! Oh yeah, I'm onto you, I saw through your act in a heartbeat cause my mind is magic-proof, you see.” She pointed at her head with a superior grin.

“Could have fooled me,” Marco muttered under his breath.

“Now then, if you'll excuse me, I have a river to poison.” With that, Mina blew a sharp whistle, Manfred emerging from the trees a second later. “Manfred, hurry up and knock this over for me, I got two nuisances to take care of.”

“Yes, Lady Mina,” Manfred replied, already pushing on the large container, bringing it closer and closer to the river bed.

Star and Marco gasped, before turning to each other, the boy saying quickly, “You get Mina, I'll stop Manfred.”

Star nodded. “Sounds good.”

With that the two rushed at Mina, the boy in the lead, his sword already raised to strike. Mina, who had picked hers back up, rose to counter him, only to freeze in surprise as the boy dropped his sword.

Just before it hit the ground, Star slid out from under Marco's legs, catching the sword and bouncing to her feet, knocking Mina's sword out of her hands, with a single swing.

Marco altered course, running around the two and now headed for Manfred. Once he was close, he lashed out with a kick, being sure to get at an angle he wouldn't accidentally knock the waste into the river. The man went down with a hurt grunt, laying in a bruised heap on the floor, as Marco towered over him, a hand on the poisonous container to keep it steady.

He looked over to Star who was making quick work of Mina and allowed a grin to spread across his face at how beautiful she looked in combat. Finally, the crazy lady gave up, running for the treetops as she shouted to her partner, “Manfred, let's get out of here!”

“Yes, milady,” the man replied, rising shakily to his feet and running after Mina. Once the two reached the treeline, Mina turned and declared, “You may have won this round, monster smoochers, but next time I'll beat'cha,  I'll beat you all!” She raised an angry fist at them before disappearing from sight with a sinister cackle.

Star and Marco stared blankly at the treeline, before Marco turned to Star and asked, “Should we be worried about that?”

“Marco, it's Mina,” his girlfriend reminded him. “She threatens us every other day.”

“True,” the boy said with a quick nod.

“We should probably call Eclipsa, though and let her know the water is safe,” Star suggested.

“Yeah,” Marco agreed, digging into his pocket for his phone. “Not to mention picking up this toxic waste.” But as the boy turned on his phone, he gasped in shock.

“What, what is it?” Star asked nervously, instantly hovering closer to him with worry.

Marco let out a disappointed sigh, before showing her his phone or more importantly the time display. “It's after six, we'll never make it to the restaurant in time,” the hooded teen muttered sadly.

“Oh no,” Star said in dismay, but seeing the sorrowful look on her boyfriend's face she quickly added, “I'm sorry Marco.” She placed a comforting hand on Marco's shoulder, giving him a sympathetic look. “I know you really wanted to take me.”

“Well yeah,” the boy muttered, sulking as he stared at his feet. “It's our one year anniversary, I wanted to make it special. I even payed big money to hook us up with a table at Chez Platypus. But now it looks like our whole date is ruined.”

Star gently cupped his face in her hand, turning it so he could face her, giving him a bright, loving smile. “Marco, nothing's ruined,” she told him and the boy's eyes widened in surprise.

“Wait, really?” he asked, almost in disbelief she felt that way.

“Of course,” his girlfriend told him, her confident tone causing all his insides to dance. “Sure it would be cool to eat in some fancy restaurant, but all I really want is to spend time with my best friend. I don't care how we spend it, so long as we spend it together.”

Marco smiled, tenderly grabbing her wrists as he stared at his wonderful girlfriend. She was so good to him. There was no way he deserved to be dating someone as cool as Star. And the fact that he was made him happier than anything in the entire world.

“So,” Star continued, finally pulling her hands away from his face. “How about we call Eclipsa, head back to your place, and watch a bunch of cheesy movies and eat nachos until we puke?”

Marco laughed, putting his arm around his girlfriend, the girl hugging his small frame. “Nothing could make me happier,” the boy replied, as he led Star away to finish their date.

Three Years After the Cleaving

Star and Marco sat on the roof of the Diaz's home, a picnic blanket sprawled out underneath, an opened basket beside them and a plate of half eaten eggs next to them.  Star leaned her head against Marco's shoulder, sighing in contentment as the young couple watched the sun setting on the horizon. "Its beautiful," Star whispered and Marco nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, it is," the boy agreed softly.

Star snuggled a little deeper into Marco's arm, her mind reminiscing the wonderful day the two had spent together, saying out loud, "I don't think today could get any better."

Marco hid a smile, the bubbly eagerness in his chest almost making him float. He was about to prove her wrong. What Star didn't know was that he had a very special surprise for his girlfriend in store. So as subtly as he could he reached over to the plate of eggs and lightly tapped them with his hand causing them to slip off the roof and onto the ground, shattering. 

Star looked down in surprise while Marco let out a fake gasp. "Oh no, our roof eggs!" He said, making his voice sound as disappointed as possible. He clicked his tongue, before turning to Star and asking, "Think you can get some more from the basket?"

"Sure," Star said pleasantly, pulling away from her bestie so she could dig around in the basket. "Hmmm," she muttered in concentration. "I'm not seeing it."

"Check the bottom," Marco suggested, barely able to suppress the excited squeak in his voice, a wide smile on his face. 

Star obeyed, rooting around at the bottom of the basket, only for her fingers to brush up against something. Star paused, an eyebrow slowly raising as she looked over to her boyfriend, who was grinning ear to ear as he watched Star, the mischievous look on his face, telling her this had to be his doing. The blond pulled out the small object from the basket and examined it closely for a minute. It was a small velvet box and her mouth dropped open at the sight of it, looking over to Marco with a hopeful expression.

He gave her the tiniest of nods, saying in anticipation, "Why don't you open it up?"

Star grinned and instantly flipped the top open, gasping at what she saw inside. Sitting a tiny pillow was a golden ring with a diamond cut clearly in the center. A hand went to her mouth as tears began welling up in her eyes, muttering out in a chocked tone, "Is this- Are you- Are we really gonna-" 

Marco gently took Stars hand, wrapping his own around hers, as he said in a loving tone, "Yep. Sorry I can't get down on one knee but I though this was the best way to ask." He sucked in a deep breath, gathering his nerves before blurting out, "Star Butterfly, will you marry me?"

Star smiled at the proposal, her eyes shimmering with unparalleled joy, but to Marco's surprise, her answer was simply, "No fair."

"Huh?" Marco replied in confusion, a sudden fear rushing through him. Did I do something wrong? Am I rushing things?  Does she not want to? 

The blond reached into her small cloud purse, pulling out a matching velvet box to his. She waved it around in the air for a moment, shooting him a wink as she explained, "I was going to wait until after dinner, but you beat me to the punch." 

Marco stared at her silently for a second before bursting into laughter, which Star soon shared, tears welling up in their eyes but not quite falling. 

"Now what am I supposed to get you for our anniversary," Star said with a fake huff, her cheeks puffing up in the cutest way.

"Well, you saying yes would be nice," Marco said in a flirting tone.

  Star smiled, moving so their faces were mere inches apart, her fingers gently tracing lines on the front of his hood. "I'll say yes, only if you do," she offered, giving him the gentlest kiss on the lips.

Marco nodded, his cheeks painted pink from the kiss. "On the count of three?" he asked and Star grinned and nodded vigorously. 

"One...." the two said as one, their eyes shimmering with expectation. "Two... THREE!" 

Star and Marco sucked in deep breaths, before pumping their fists in the air and screaming, "Of course I'll marry you!" 

The two just smiled at each other for a moment as the tears finally burst free from their eyes, flowing down their cheeks in streams. Star laughed, throwing her arms around her now-fiance, nearly causing Marco to slide off the roof, his free arm gripping the siding in desperation. "Ah, Star, careful!" the boy screamed in panic.

"Who cares about being careful when I'm going to marry the guy of my dreams!" The blond squealed. 

Marco just laughed clinging onto his girlfriend, listening as she spoke a mile a minute, going on and on about their future wedding plans and how incredible everything was and how much she loved him, while he simply smiled and enjoyed this precious moment with the love of his life.

Five Years After Cleaving

Star and Marco sat across from each other, eating their dinner in silence, enjoying their time together and the delicious food in front of them. It was a simple dinner of just tacos from Britta's but they both were enjoying their meal immensely. It was once again their anniversary but the two had agreed to keep things simple this time, no gifts, no extravagant restaurants, just some take-out and maybe watching a movie or two. Too bad they were both terrible at keeping that promise, both having surprises lined up for their significant other.

Marco looked up from his taco to stare at his loving wife, mesmerized by her beauty even as she stuffed what had to be at least her third taco down her throat, his heart overflowing with love over how adorable Star was. And he couldn't help himself as he laughed at the sight of his wife's puffed up cheeks from cramming yet another taco whole into her mouth, chewing loudly. “Geez, Star, you sure have been eating a lot lately,” he commented playfully. “What are you planning on hibernating this year?”

Star swallowed before sarcastically rolling her eyes and saying, “Oh ha ha, very funny.” She stuck her tongue out at her husband, who laughed again and she soon was giggling along with him. Finally, once the two calmed down, Star quickly asked, “Hey can you pass me the syrup?”

An eyebrow immediately shot up as Marco asked, “Syrup, what do you need that for?”

“My tacos, silly,” Star replied with a scoff, as if the answer should be obvious.

Marco looked confused and slightly disgusted for a second before shrugging and standing up to get her the bottle. The moment the syrup was in her hands, Star was licking her lips and pouring endless amounts of the sugary substance all over her tacos, bathing them in an unhealthy layer of sticky maple. Marco could only watch in awe, he had seen Star have some bizarre food combinations before but this had to take the cake. Finally, once Star had what she believed to be a proper amount of syrup covered tacos, she quickly wolfed them down without a care, her hands soon dripping with syrup.

Marco, after a few seconds of watching her, pushed his plate away, no longer interested in eating as he watched his wife scarfing down more and more tacos until there wasn't a single left on the table.

The two cleaned up the kitchen in record time, working together to form the ultimate cleaning duo, and in less than two minutes the two collapsed on the living room couch, holding their full bellies and groaning in both discomfort and satisfaction. The two sat back to back on the sofa, staring off into space as Star said, “That was delicious! What was a great idea for dinner, Marco!!”

“Thanks,” the boy said brightly. “I mean you can't go wrong with Britta's Tacos!”

“Agreed,” Star said sitting up. She gave her husband a loving smile as she said, “This has been a great date so far! I'm glad we decided to keep things simple for once. Don't want a repeat of last year's anniversary.”

The two shuddered in unison at the memory, Marco nervously whispering, “Soo many pig-goats. I can still see their eyes.”

“It took them a week to put out the fire,” Star added, her own eyes distant and disturbed.

“I told you making it a double date with Tom and Janna was a bad idea,” Marco pointed out, his voice still in a dazed monotone.

But the two seemed to instantly snap out of it, after that, as Star added in her typically cheerful demeanor, “Buutt at least this year we both got to have a great anniversary without causing permanent damage to the city.”

Marco chuckled, before agreeing, “Yeah.” He paused for a moment before, adding sheepishly, “Uh but I do have a bit of a confession to make.”

Star gave him a confused look, watching as he rubbed at the back of his neck in that adorable way he always did whenever he was embarrassed about something. “What's that?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Marco coughed into his hand. “Okay, I know we said no gifts... but I couldn't help myself. I got you something,” he admitted, flashing her an apologetic grin.

But Star just smiled lovingly at her husband, taking his hands into her own as she said, “Aww, Marco you are so sweet! Of course I don't mind.” She hid her mischievous grin as she added cryptically, “Besides, I may have gotten you a little something myself.”

“Guess neither of us could resist, huh?” Marco joked, laughing at their inability to resist spoiling the other.

“Nope, guess not,” Star said, laughing along with her husband, doing her best to hide the knowing glint in her eyes. She wanted to keep her surprise secret right until the last second. Marco could read her like a book most times, if she showed too much emotion she'd give it away before it was time.

“I bet my gift is better than yours,” Marco said in challenge and Star gave him a playful smirk.

“Oh yeah, well prove it then, Mr. Diaz,” the blond replied. I seriously doubt that, she couldn't help but think to herself.

The young man gave his wife a confident smirk, slowly pulling his hands out of his pocket, while muttering, “Booooossshh.” Once, the gift was in sight, Star gasped, a hand flying to her mouth as she whispered, “Oh Marco.”

It was a locket in the perfect shape of a heart, dangling from a golden chain. The inside of the locket was opened, revealing a very familiar picture fit neatly inside: the Beach Day photo. The two smiling faces of their teenage selves, looking happy and blissful together enough to bring tears to her eyes at the wonderful memory. She grabbed the necklace out of her husband's hands in a second, examining it closely as she said in a chocked tone, “It's beautiful.”

“You like it?” Marco asked softly, a feeling of immense joy for making his Star smile like that filling his being and making his insides flutter.

She locked eyes with him, her familiar blue piercing his soul and making permanent residence in his melted heart. “I love it,” she said sweetly.

“I thought you might,” he said, moving over to help put the necklace on, Star moving her long hair out of the way as he did. “Well, nobody knows me better than you,” the blond replied flirtingly and Marco nearly fumbled with the clasp as blood pooled into his flushed cheeks. Once the boy was finished with the necklace, he sat back with a nod of satisfaction, saying, “There, perfect.”

“I hope you know I'm never taking his off, ever,” Star commented, wrapping a hand around the golden heart.

Marco laughed. “I figured as much.” He winked at her adding confidently, “Let's see you top that.”

Star inwardly smirked. Oh just wait and see, Diaz. “I'll try my best,” she said in a fake disheartened tone, putting a hand dramatically to her forehead.

Marco laughed again, before asking impatiently, “Okay but seriously, enough of the suspense already, what'd ya get me?”

“Welll I wasn't the only one who made it,” Star said cryptically. “Let's just say it was a... joint effort.” She winked at him and her husband, to her amusement, only cocked his head cutely to the side.

“Huh? What's that supposed to mean?” Marco asked, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion and Star could almost gush over how adorable her husband looked in that moment.

But instead of answering, Star just gently grabbed his hand and placed it over her belly, giving him a knowing and hinting smile.

Marco's eyes darted from his wife's face to her belly than back to her face than to her belly again as his look of confusion slowly turned into realization and then to shock as his mouth fell open in disbelief. He gave Star a hopeful look, as he stuttered out, “Wait, y-you mean y-y-your gonna...”

Star's smile was incapable of growing any wider as she nodded, squealing out, “Yes! We're gonna have a baby, Marco!”

A look of pure joy crossed her husband's face, goofy grin on his face as he stared thoughtfully into the distance. “I'm-I'm gonna be a dad!” he muttered breathlessly.

“And I'm gonna be a mom!” Star shouted enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. “Aren't you excited, Marco?! We're gonna be parents!”

“Uh yeah! Of course I'm excited!” Marco screamed and the two immediately hopped off the couch, jumping up and down as they still clung to each other in a tight hug. “We're gonna be parents! We're gonna be parents!” the two screamed as one. Eventually, Marco lifted Star off the ground and began twirling her around in a circle the two giggling in delight all the while.

But suddenly, Marco stopped, a look of fear crossing his face as he said, “Oh my gosh, Star! I'm so sorry!” He gently set her back down, before asking in a nervous ramble, “Are you okay? Did I hurt the baby? Do you need anything?”

“Marco,” Star spoke up, putting a hand on his cheek, instantly stilling his fears with a warm smile. “It's fine.”

Marco nodded, still looking so completely overwhelmed with emotion, his smile bright and infectious, his eyes filled with protective instincts for his wife and unborn child with tears brimming at the very corner of his vision. Star sat back down on the couch, pulling Marco with her, not releasing his hands for anything. “Everything's gonna be just fine, okay?”

Marco nodded, his eyes drifting down to his wife's stomach unable to keep his eyes off of it now, so many emotions flowing through him at once he nearly lost his breath. “I was wrong, Star,” Marco said, his voice chocked with emotion. “I couldn't have asked for a greater gift. This... this is the happiest day of my life.”

Star smiled, leaning over and planting a loving kiss to his lips. “Diddo,” she said sweetly as she pressed their foreheads together. The two stayed like that for a moment, before Marco asked, “Star?”

“Yeah?”

“Can-Can I feel?” he asked softly, almost nervously.

Star laughed. “Duh, of course you can, silly,” Star said, pulling away and leaning back so Marco could feel her belly. The boy reached out a shaky hand, setting it gingerly, if not hesitantly down on his wife's stomach. For a few second, Marco just sat there in awe, his eyes shimmering as he stared at Star's belly. He slowly grew more confident as he lay his head against it, his heart swelling with joy as he curled up in Star's lap.

Star just smiled down at her husband, running a hand through his soft, brown hair, her own heart almost bursting at this point.

“I didn't think it was possible,” the boy said in a breathless sigh.

“What was possible?” Star asked curiously.

“To love you any more than I already did,” Marco replied, in the softest, most tender voice Star had ever heard and her heart melted, her cheeks flushing against her will.

Star smiled wrapping her arms around her husband's neck and burying her face into his hair, chuckling softly as she just whispered out, “You dork.”

And the two, soon to be three of them, stayed just like that for what felt like an eternity.

Ten Years After Cleaving

Four-year-old Illumina Angela Diaz-Butterfly slowly crept down the stairs, listening to the sound of her parents chatting in the kitchen of their home. She peeked her head in, seeing her dad hard at work on their dinner, while her mom sat on the counter, the two laughing at some unheard joke. This was their typical routine every evening and sometimes every meal, and as Illumina snuck closer she could see that they were too deep in their conversation to notice her, causing the four-year-old to smile. Perfect.

She eyed her target hungrily, a plate of freshly baked cookies sitting out on a tray opposite her parents and licked her lips in want. Illumina slowly tip-toed over to the plate, keeping a weary eye on her parents in case they spotted her. But as she got closer, her attention was grabbed by the tray of sweets and a hand slowly rose to snatch one up.

“Illy,” came a scolding tone and the little girl flinched. She turned to see her mom and dad had spotted her, her father giving her a stern look, his hands on his hips. “Illy, were you about to eat a cookie without permission?”

Illumina quickly shook her head, giving her dad the most innocent smile she could. “I just wanted a teeny tiny one,” the little girl said with a begging pout.

Marco's eyebrow slowly raised, as he asked knowingly, “And how many have you already had?”

The girl shrugged, before admitting softly, “Umm, maybe one or two.”

“Illy, you know dinner is gonna be soon,” Marco reminded her in a semi-stern voice, trying to reason with his child. “And three cookies is way too much sugar for you.”

“But if your good and eat all your vegetables we'll think about letting you have one more after dinner,” Star spoke up, giving her daughter a bright grin.

“Yeah,” Marco agreed with a nod, smiling proudly at his wife, before turning his attention back to his daughter. “How does that sound, Illy?”

“Okay, I guess,” the little girl muttered sourly.

“That's my girl,” Marco praised, giving Illumina a warm grin. He quickly directed his attention back on the meal he was preparing, stuffing on his oven mitts and sliding the pan into the oven to cook.

The moment her husband's back was turned, Star leaned over and picked up a cookie, shoving it into her daughter’s hands. “Quick before he sees you,” she whispered and Illumina nodded before running off.

Marco watched his daughter run out of the room, before fixing his wife with an accusing glare, while she whistled innocently, staring up at the ceiling. “You know I saw that right?” he asked Star.

“I don't know what your talking about,” Star said with a shrug, feigning ignorance.

Marco sighed, but couldn't stop himself from grinning. He couldn't stay mad at the love of his life, Star had him wrapped around her finger and they both knew it. “You're gonna end up giving her a cavity, y'know,” he said, giving his wife a playful smile.

“No way, if she gets one it'll be your fault for not stopping me,” Star argued, her voice light and bubbly.

Marco rolled his eyes, before saying in a fake annoyed tone, “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Come on, you know you love it,” Star said with a teasing wink.

“Yeah, I do,” Marco admitted, before wrapping an arm around his wife's waist, pulling her closer. Star just laughed, before the two's lips meeting in a passionate, if not playful kiss. The two stayed like that for at least a minute before the smoke detector started going off in the background and Illumina's voice called from upstairs, “Mom, dad, I smell smoke!”

Marco gasped and pulled away rushing over to the oven as he yelled in panic, “Oh no, my casserole!”

…

Marco managed to recover the casserole without it ending up too burnt and the family happily enjoyed their dinner, Star and Marco listening as little Illumina described her fun time being babysat while her parents were out of their date.

“It was soo much cool, mom and dad!” Illumina exclaimed, her eyes shining with joy as she practically bounced in her seat. “Aunt Janna showed me a bunch of card tricks and then Uncle Tom set them on fire by accident.”

Star nodded. “That sounds like Tom, alright,” she said cheerfully.

“Yeah and then Aunt Janna showed me how to scam suckers out of their cash,” the little girl added innocently and Marco nearly chocked on his water, Star having to pat his back to try and keep him from chocking.

“She did what?!” Marco exclaimed, slamming his cup down on the table.

“No, no, it's okay,” Illumina reassured her dad. “She said that they were a bunch of criminals anyways, so it was fine. Besides, she said if things got really bad she would just have Uncle Tom set everything on fire to cover our tracks!”

Marco face-palmed groaning in disbelief. “Janna, whhhyy?!” the boy muttered, before slamming his head down on the table.

“Well what did you expect, asking those two to babysit Illumina?” Star asked in a clear I-told-you-so tone.

“We didn't have many other options, Star,” Marco pointed out bitterly.

“Look, Marco's it's fine, it could have been a lot worse,” Star reminded him, grabbing his hand and giving it a small squeeze.

“Mommy, daddy, how come you never make me Mewman-man cakes? Gradma Eclipsa and Grampy Globgore let me have it all the time when they babysit and Grampy even let me have the head because he said that's the most delicious part!” Illumina suddenly blurted out, lost in her own little world as she finished her plate.

Star and Marco shared a quick look, before the latter said dryly, “So agree to only ever let Jackie and Chloe babysit her?”

“Agreed,” the blond said with a nod.

Illumina suddenly spoke up again, pushing her plate away before asking, “Daddy I ate all my vegetables, can I please have another cookie now?”

Marco shook his head, saying, “I don't know Illumina, four cookies is way too many.”

“Yeah, I think we should wait until tomorrow for another one,” Star agreed.

“But I reallly want it! I promise I'll be good, please, please, please?!” Illimina begged, giving her parents a pouting lip and shimmering, hopeful eyes.

Star and Marco stared blankly into their daughter's pleading eyes, feeling their resolve instantly crack and they shared a quick look before Marco said, “Just make sure to brush your teeth, afterwards.”

…

Later that night, in Illumina's room the girl's gentle snoring and soft breathing indicated to the two parents their daughter was truly asleep and they shared a quick smile. Marco turned off the lamp on Illumina's dresser, as well as switching on Illumina's night light (since she had grown an irrational fear of the dark recently) while Star made sure Illumina was nice and tucked in, pulling the covers up to her daughter's chin. Star and Marco took turns planting a kiss on their daughter's forehead, before quietly exiting the room, Star turning for only a moment to whisper softly, “Goodnight Illumina.”

Marco gently shut the door and the two let out a relieved sigh in the safety of the hallway, the two leaning up against the wall, exhausted. “Man, I thought she'd never get to sleep,” Marco commented tiredly.

“Well it was kinda our own fault for letting her eat so many cookies before bed,” Star pointed out.

“Good point,” Marco agreed with a nod. “We should really have a sugar limit for her from now on.”

“Sounds good,” the blond replied, the two now headed for their bedroom. “How about no more than three cookies before bed from now on?”

“Three?” Marco asked skeptically, with an eyebrow slowly raising. “Do you want her bouncing off the walls every night?”

“Okay, Mr. Diaz, how many do you think she should have?” Star inquired with a playful smirk.

Marco thought about it for a moment before replying, “Two, but only if she eats all her dinner first.”

Star nodded in agreement, saying sweetly, “That sounds fair to me.”

The two entered into their bedroom, before collapsing on the bed with tired sighs, Marco's body hanging off the left side and Star's body hanging off the right. “Man, it was a long day today,” Marco muttered.

“Yep, sure was,” Star agreed.

The two paused, staring up at their ceiling deep in thought as a comfortable silence settled over them. Both just laid there thinking about their life together, there was no denying that their life was without problems but they were nothing the two couldn't handle together and the joyful moments easily overshadowed the unpleasant ones and neither would change their lives for a second. And after a moment or two Marco slowly turned his head, so he was now staring at Star, saying, “Hey Star.”

Star turned her head so chocolate brown and sky blue met in a hypnotic dance. “Yeah, Marco.”

“I'm glad I met you,” he said with an affectionate smile.

Star felt her cheeks slightly flush as she added, “I'm glad I met you, too.”

The two leaned closer, giving each other a small kiss on the lips, pouring all their love and tenderness into one single act. As the two parted, both breathless from the wonderful emotion coursing through their bodies, Star asked, “What brought that on, anyways?”

Marco shrugged. “Just thinking out loud. I'm always grateful we found each other when we did. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it.”

“Aww, Marco you are such a sap,” Star said with a  playful wink.

Marco laughed, before admitting, “I'm always a sap when it comes to you, I love you, Star.”

“I love you too, Marco,” the blond said sweetly.

The two sat up before giving each other a loving hug, their minds for just a moment flashing back to all those years ago, when they had embraced for the first time in their new world. “Happy Anniversary, Star,” Marco whispered, squeezing his wife tight, knowing nothing could ever part them again.

“Happy Anniversary, Marco,” Star replied, snuggling deeper into the loving hold of her wonderful husband as a single tear dripped down her cheek.

The two stayed like that for far longer than either of them cared to count. And when the moment finally did come to an end, the two weren't worried knowing they had countless more moments to share, for many years to come.

Thank you for reading!!! I hope you enjoyed!! This actually might be the sappiest thing I've ever written, like seriously I was getting teared up writing this ending but I like to think that Star and Marco get super sentimental and sappy on their anniversaries. I also have a headcannon that they both became extremely clingy for a while after the Cleaving and had trouble being apart, which I of course put in here. Sorry for no big description on my Starco child Illumina, she's a recent idea I had but I don't have many details down for her yet like her looks or outfit so I had to leave it to you guys imagination, she just fit really well in here for the ending. 

Oh also, I drew some heavy inspiration from the second part from my good friend @jcabrera35 fanatstic comic “Lingering Baggage”. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend because it’s amazing and I try my best to promite it every chance I get!! Also huge thank you to my other good friend @kikithefox231 who came up with the idea for the cookie snatching going on in this chapter! If you haven’t seen her stuff go check it out cause it’s great also!! These two are both very talanted individuals and they deserve more love!!!

So anyways I'm gonna sign off now, hope everyone has a great anniversary Stardom!! Stay amazing, guys!! :)

[firstdegreefangirl]

Chris Week Day Six: School(work)

Pairing: Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Word Count: 1268

Original Pub Date: 25 April 2020

Read on Ao3 here

Day Five I Day Four I Day Three I Day Two I Day One

Christopher makes a run for his bedroom as soon as he’s in the front door after school.

“Remember, homework done before dinner if you want to have time to play a game tonight!” his dad calls after him, following Buck into the kitchen to help with the food.  

He throws himself onto his bed, shaking everything out of his backpack onto the comforter.  

Really, the only homework he has to get done is math. Everything else was easy, and he finished it in class. But he has to multiply big numbers now, the kind with three digits, and that’s hard. He tries his best, really, but the numbers get all confused, especially when he has to move them between the different columns.

There’s no way he’ll have all 15 problems done before dinner. And then he won’t get to play Clue with Buck, and Buck will be upset that there’s no game, and it’ll all be because of his stupid math homework.

He picks up the folder and looks at the worksheet inside, starts trying to figure out the first problem. But when he takes the seven times the five, there’s a three that has to go … somewhere. And then does he add it, or multiply it?  

He doesn’t know.  

He just wants to be somewhere where no one is going to make him do math homework. But all the grownups he knows are definitely going to make him do the worksheets. So he’ll take matters into his own hands.  

He sits up, looking at his toys and his bookcase. His backpack isn’t very big, but there’s enough room for a few things. Especially if he leaves out the stupid math folder.

His favorite books. A couple of action figures. The teddy bear Abuela gave him when he was a baby.  

As an afterthought, he throws a notebook in on top, and his pencil. Maybe if he keeps a good journal of his adventures, they’ll make a movie about him someday, like Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.

Christopher Diaz: The Boy Who Ran Away From Math.

Yeah, he’d watch that.

With everything packed, and his backpack still zipping perfectly, he slings it back over his shoulder and heads for the front door.

“DAD! I’m running away!” he calls over his shoulder as he opens the front door.

“Be safe! Only talk to the friendly-looking drivers. Find one with a roomy van!” His dad replies, but he slams the door.

“Eddie?!” Buck stares at him incredulously. “He’s running away?!”

“Seems that way.” Eddie peers out the kitchen window, watches Christopher make his way down the driveway and past the mailbox.  

“And you told him to get in a van?”

“He doesn’t like it when I tell him to take a snack.” Eddie shrugs. “He’ll be good. Kid’s independent.”

“What?” Buck is practically shouting now, staring over Eddie’s shoulder. “You’re just letting him go?”

“He just needs a minute to walk it off. My guess is he’s mad about having to do his homework. Give him some time, he knows he’s allowed to be as dramatic as he wants down to the end of the block. If he gets out of sight, we’ll go on a recovery mission.” Eddie turns back to the burner, stirring the mac and cheese Buck had started. “Seriously, he’ll be back by dinner. Now are you going to put the pork chops in the oven or let me risk all of our lives?”

Buck turns around and finishes seasoning the meal with a heavy sigh.

“He ran away, Eddie. How are you just sitting there?”  

“Because he’s a 9-year-old boy who’s pissed about something, and he knows the neighborhood boundaries. See?” He points to where Christopher has just turned around at the end of the block.  

They watch him pace three laps up and down the sidewalk, stopping in front of the driveway each time to check the little sports watch Buck had bought him on their last trip to the mall. On the last round, he notices that it’s almost 6:30, and heads back up to the front door.  

Eddie’s there to open it when he gets to the porch, bottle of water in his hand.  

“Dad! Did you notice I ran away?”

“Sure did.” Eddie pushes sweaty curls back from his forehead and hands him the water. “It got quiet, so Buck and I knew something was up. Glad you’re back though; dinner’s almost ready. Go wash up, and we’ll talk about why you ran away.”  

Eddie goes back to the kitchen, mouthing told you so at Buck as he sets the table and listens for the bathroom sink to stop running.  

Once they’re all seated, and the first bites have been taken, Eddie looks at his son.

“Alright, kiddo. What happened today? Why’d you run away?”

“Math is stupid!” He stabs viciously at a bite of mashed potatoes.

“Yeah, it can be pretty tough sometimes. What are you learning in math?”

“Multiplying big numbers. But then you gotta move the three and I don’t know where it goes!” He grumbles and takes a drink of his milk.

Buck catches Eddie’s eye, and it’s clear that he doesn't know where the three goes either. Eddie nudges his foot under the table and flicks his gaze to Christopher a couple of times until Buck gets the message.

“You know, math was always the hardest part of school for me too.”

“Really?” He eyes Buck dubiously, like he doesn’t believe him. “You didn’t like math too?”

“Still don’t.” Buck raises his eyebrows and continues. “But I have to use it at work almost every single day.”

“Even the big numbers?”

“Even the big numbers. There’s lots and lots of math to be a firefighter, and if I didn’t know how to do it, I wouldn’t be able to do my job. Neither would your dad.”

“But Dad’s good at math!”

“I had to study a lot to get there, buddy. Didn’t happen overnight.” Eddie cuts back in as he wipes his chin. “So how about this: we finish up eating, and take a look at that homework together?”  

“Can Bucky help too?” Christopher looks like he’s considering the idea, and Eddie steps carefully on Buck's toes to get his attention again. “Maybe he’ll get better at math with me.”

“I think you’ll probably be able to talk him into it.” They both turn to look at Buck.

“Moral support, kiddo. Trust me, you only want me cheering you on. If I try to actually help, your dad will have to write a note apologizing for your answers.”

“But you’ll cheer for me?”

“Of course! And when you’re done, we’ll figure out something special to celebrate before bed.”  

“Ice cream?”

Buck looks at Eddie, who nods.

“Sure!”

With the deal negotiated, Christopher sets about finishing his dinner, and Buck helps Eddie clear the table while Chris gets his math folder.  

(If Eddie looks up a tutorial on triple-digit multiplication to make sure he’s teaching his son correctly, that’s nobody’s business but his.)

Together, the three of them make it through all 15 problems. Eddie isn’t sure who learned more, Buck or Chris, but they both understand carrying now, so it’s a victory across the board.  

And when they get the sundae bowls down, Christopher is able to announce off the top of his head that if three people each have three scoops of ice cream, that’s nine scoops total. And that earns him an extra cherry on top, bringing the total number of cherries to …

“All of them?”

“Good try, Buck.”  

[tilwecrashandburn]

Trapped in a Shattered Mirror

I am writing this, so that through all the manipulation and false realities, I never forget who you really are. So that I never forget what you put me through. 

I was in a pretty serious relationship. For the sake of anonymity, I will refer to my former lover as Mariah. Mariah and I were college sweethearts (I know, I should have known we were doomed from the start with just that single piece of information alone). To the point of this story, we had been dating consistently from 2014-2018. Although we had our fair share of issues before then, 2018 is where the craziness elevated and that is the year in which this story takes place. 

I was a school year ahead of Mariah in a relatively small, party-centric university in Ohio. That is where we met. There were warning signs early on that I ignored. For one, she had a whole secret, unclaimed boyfriend who she ended up leaving to be with me. For two, she flirtatiously entertained every man who would acknowledge her to the point where it seriously made me question the entire relationship.

 I graduated in 2017 and headed off to graduate school in another university about an hour way. Mariah still had one more year left at our alma mater. At first things were cool, but everything started changing during the spring semester. 

Mariah and I began growing apart. I was struggling with grad school. It was one of the hardest times of my life and I felt completely alone. Mariah was living her best life as she celebrated her last year of undergrad. She was coming into herself and I encouraged it. She was an absolutely beautiful woman with an amazing personality and the world began noticing. But it quickly went to her head. 

As the distance between us grew, arguments became more frequent. Mariah was engaging with other men via social media but ignoring me. She began texting another man at the university at the beginning of that semester. I will refer to him as Marcus. I first discovered her communication with Marcus during the winter break heading into spring semester. The were talking on snapchat but he was in the process of pledging so none of it made sense to me. I confronted her about it and she assured me that it was nothing. To my ignorance, they continued talking for the rest of that semester but she would hide it from me. Only her and her friends were aware of what was happening. I would see snaps and videos of Mariah and Marcus hanging together. I confronted her about it but she reassured me that they were only friends and that she had learned her boundaries in regards entertaining other men. She explicitly told me that she was not sexual attracted to Marcus at all and that I had nothing to worry about. 

Spring break came. Mariah and I decided to take a trip together to a new city. The trip was nice and it felt like we were making some sort of progress. I didn’t know that I had already lost her at this point. After spring break, the distance between us continued to grow. It was now April. Although we weren’t on the best terms, we were still together and we still looked out for one another. She was struggling financially that month and asked for me to pay her rent for April. She’s never made such a request before so I took care of it and paid her rent. I then came down to visit but we didn’t talk much. I could tell she was feeling herself and I knew something was up. At this point she was still entertaining Marcus behind my back. She hung with her friends that weekend and I hung with mine. She then got mad at me for being distant during the visit. She had no right, all things considering.

I went back to my grad school that Sunday. By Sunday night, Mariah and Marcus were at a private party and he was caressing her legs and butt and putting his hands up her skirt. She allowed him to do so and expressed how it was turning her on when they were texting about it later. I discovered this information because I read the texts that were deleted from her phone but still on the Apple Watch I bought for her. 

That week in April, we didn’t talk at all. But Mariah and Marcus began kicking it heavier. He was coming to spend the night with her about everyday and they were talking consistently. They would send sexual messages during the day and he would sleep in her bed at night. All of this was happening during the month I paid her rent. Once the week had passed without us talking, I felt very uneasy. I knew something was up. The weekend was upon us. I sent her a message of a song to express how I was feeling. She gave me a dry reply. I decided to drive down to her school and see what was up. 

I made it to her apartment but she wasn’t there. It was nighttime at this point, maybe about 2am. I decided to check her favorite after-party diner. As I stood on the street, I saw her car pull up to the diner. She didn’t see me. But I saw her and Marcus exit the car and go into the diner together. My heart dropped to my feet. I was furious. I texted her to ask where she was. She sent back the “eyes” emoji and dodged the question. I waited. Her and Marcus left the diner. I thought maybe she would just drop him off somewhere and return home with her roommates. That was a foolish thought that I didn’t really believe. I rushed to her apartment. She still wasn’t there. It was at least 3am at this point. I went up to her window but heard nothing. As I turned to head back to my car, Mariah and Marcus crossed my path. The were too deep in laughter and conversation to realize I was there until it was too late. 

I tried to keep my composure as I asked what the hell was going on. She tried to defuse the situation and told me nothing was happening. She told me her and Marcus were just heading into her apartment to play games and chill with her roommates and friends. However, her roommates and friends were either sleep or not around. She tried to hug me and I pushed her away. Marcus then became angry and tried to fight me. Mariah stopped us from fighting. I felt like she was defending him. She told him to leave and he angrily stomped off. 

We entered her apartment and went into her bedroom. I was still heated and questioning her. She was telling me that nothing happened and that I was overreacting. She once again expressed that she was not sexually attracted to Marcus and that she would never do that to me. A part of me believed her. Another part of me didn’t but I had nothing concrete to go off of. I stayed the night in her bed. I woke up early before Mariah did and that is when I went through her phone. I found nothing. Everything was deleted. I then grabbed the Apple Watch and went to my car. It had to be about 6am. I sat in my car for about an hour, reading the lengthy text thread between her and Marcus. That is where I saw all the sexual messages back and forth. That is how I figured out that he had been staying with her that entire week. That is how I confirmed that she was a liar. I felt as if a blackhole was inside my chest, swallowing me into the emptiness. 

I then went back to her room and woke her up calmly. I asked her to tell me the truth. She hesitated. I asked her if her and Marcus had sex. She wouldn’t talk but I knew the truth at this point and she could probably hear it in my voice. She eventually admitted to having sex with Marcus the night before I came down (Friday night - it was now Sunday morning). They had sex in her bed. She cheated on me in her apartment during a month when I paid her rent. She allowed me to sleep in the very same spot that they had just had sex, no more than 24 hours prior to this conversation, on the same unwashed sheets. They had unprotected sex and she even gave him head. I was disgusted and outraged. My sense of calmness was gone. She wasn’t even apologetic. She was cold and dry. She blamed me and compared me to Marcus. She said Marcus was so happy-go-lucky and that I was a depressing factor in her life. She made a negative comment about how I wasn’t living up to the stature of my dead father. She broke me. I sat there lost. 

I knew Marcus and Marcus knew me. I tried to explain to her that he was not the perfect man that she tried to portray him to be. He was a woman user and she was just another name on the list. She didn’t listen. She didn’t care.

I stayed for the next day or two. Marcus was still hitting her up but she was ignoring him. I told her to block him on everything but she wouldn’t, no matter how much I begged and pleaded. She couldn’t even do that for me. I asked her to stop seeing him and told her that I wanted to work on us. She assured me that she was done with Marcus and would try to make things work with me. 

Eventually I returned to my grad school. Mariah and I began talking more but something was still off. She was still talking to Marcus behind my back. She was still seeing him everyday. She went over his place a few days later and they had sex again. I would come down to visit, and he would come over to her place as soon as I left. I tried to cut her off but she then drove to see me, crying and begging for me to be with her. We would argue and she would held back down to her school to be with Marcus, although she was telling me that they were no longer a thing. She would talk about how she was disgusted to even look at him when they were out in public and that she was no longer speaking to him. That was just a lie to make me feel better. They were closer than ever. I could feel it. I was done at this point but its hard to completely throw away 3-4 years of your life. I was conflicted. I was alone and vulnerable. I didn’t know what to do. 

And then it was time for Mariah’s graduation. It was now May. I expressed that I wasn’t going to come. She told me that if I didn’t come, she would never forgive me. I ended up coming. When I got to her apartment, the energy was off. I noticed she was wearing Marcus’s Nike slides but I didn’t say anything. I got drunk af that night. Marcus avoided me but was still hitting Mariah up to see where she was once the bars closed. I soon discovered that she still had not blocked him and that she was still talking to him and seeing him consistently. I confronted her, and she got mad at me for doing so. She said I was ruining things when she had it all under control. She told me her plan was to keep entertaining Marcus until she graduated because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I was furious that she was putting his feelings equal to or above mine. I expressed this to her but nothing changed. I was being gaslit. 

Now that she had graduated, we were back in the same city. My grad school was in her hometown. However, she still had her old apartment for a few more months down at our alma mater. At this point I was in a depressed state. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to eat. Apparently, I was “bringing her down.” She wanted an escape and planned a trip to go back down to her school. I tried to convince her not to and suspected that she was only going down to see Marcus again. She assured me that she was not going to see Marcus. She then went back to her old apartment and hung out with Marcus and her friends as an escape from the miserable atmosphere that she left me sitting in back in her hometown. Broken can’t even begin to describe my state at this point. I had lost 20 pounds. I was taking some of the biggest finals of my life in-between full-blown crying sessions. I hated everything but still wanted to be with Mariah. I should have cut her off when I had the chance. I should have realized my worth sooner. 

I feel like I forced her to stop talking to Marcus eventually. She never did so on her own accord. The apologies never felt real. The entire incident felt like it was swept under the rug and downplayed immensely. Things were toxic and I haven’t been happy since.

A couple years later, he got outed as a sexual predator on one of those MeToo pages. Multiple women came out to speak against the horrible things this man did to them. But the relationship between him and Mariah was completely voluntary and consensual. She cheated on me with him and put the desires of a sexual predator before me and my feelings. Her boyfriend of years. She praised this man so highly despite my warnings. She belittled, embarrassed, and ruined me and I feel horrible for sitting by and letting it happen. When the news came out about Marcus’s true character, Mariah tried to flip the story and play the victim. She was not the victim and I clearly recall her telling me multiple times how she was “using him” and he wasn’t using her. She was the predator in a sense. Maybe they belonged together. 

I’ve never told anyone this story. But I didn’t want it to fade into the abyss with my dying memory. I needed to relive this story once more so that I can finally try to move passed it for-real. Mariah and I are still in communication, but at this point, I am realizing that we will never work out. The history is just too tainted and I still feel wronged. There are so many people in the world so I don’t understand why I should feel like I have to be with her. Why do I have to be with anyone? Whenever I try to leave, she guilts me back in. She will probably never understand the amount of pain she has put me through. I don’t even think she wants to try. And if I try to express it to her, she will only tell me about the pain that I have put her through. I feel like I’m trapped in a shattered mirror.