#a REAL person liked my drawing. thats crazy news to me.

[ionn-l1l1l1]

Idc about art validation and all but 1 like actually makes me giddy.

[welcometoteyvat]

jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic

[miam0re]

Hello! well i wanna ask u smth abt AFAB succubus reader that tease them and flirt with them but in the end they become a sobbing mess and has like uh womb tattoo that glows when shes real in heat and wanted to cum, with any chara thats fine (well and pantalone though 🤗🤗)

This was an interesting ask to write, i hope i could do the thirst some justice.

The Succubus's New Master | Pantalone

NSFW, fem!succubus!Reader, slight degradation, reader in heat

You had targeted another victim. Another poor soul for you to feed on and drain of their life source. Is it selfish and mean? Maybe, but hey, a succubus has to do what it has to to stay alive, even if it meant trapping men in their dreams, voiding them of control over their bodies and sucking their cocks till they cum and transfer their life source to you. A give and take if you will. Sexual pleasure for one's life.

You thought your 'relationship' with Pantalone would be the same. Him barely aware of your presence in his slumber while you stroke and stimulate his dick, making his unconscious body shiver and cum on your tongue. You thought you'd get him addicted to your touch, but every passing day you found yourself getting more and more eager to visit the harbinger in the dead of the night. It went on for weeks until one day, he lay awake in bed on your arrival, bare bodied with a cheshire grin on his face.

"Did you really think you could trick and manipulate me? You may be a mystical being but clearly you lack any basic intelligence."

You moaned at his condescending tone, bouncing on his cock like a hungry slut. You clawed at his toned abs when he pulled your hips flush against his, grinding his cock deeper into your sopping hole. You wanted more and more of him, wanting to be completely filled with him.

"Your scent is so delectable. Could it be that the succubus has gone into heat?"

His thumb grazed over the ink on your womb, curves and lines that pulsed every time his thick girth stirred your insides to mush. You hated to admit it, but he was having an effect on you that made your blood boil in rage, yet your pussy clenched around him, keeping him snug inside you. He choked a grunt every time you tightened around him, your floral smell waking up a demon of his own.

"If you refuse to speak, perhaps I should rouse some other sounds out of you. Should teach you to be more... appreciative of your new master."

He chuckled, fingers finding your swollen clit and attacking it with rapid strokes, stimulating it beyond even your capacity as a demon. He made you squeal and scream and want to cum... But he wouldn't allow it. Even if you begged and pulled your hair like a crazy person, raising your hips and dropping down to make his tip hit your spot, he wasn't going to let you cum that easy. Not even if he had spurted his milky essence into your body, inflating your cunt and womb tattoo... stretching it so sexily.

Once he calmed from his orgasm, he laid back with not a finger touching you. Only his dick still hard inside your cunt, hot body writhing to reach an orgasm. This is how you preyed on your victims isn't it? Using their slumber stricken lifeless beings to pleasure yourself.

"Go on. Bring yourself to orgasm using only my cock. Surely a sex demon such as yourself would have such skills."

Your desperate cries and sob pleased a sadist in him as he leaned against the pillows to watch the oh so powerful succubus turn to putty on his cock. Move faster, harder, whatever it takes to come to an orgasm... It will be the first of many he draws out of his new pet succubus;)

[ibrithir-was-here]

Sandman Enchanted AU

So i watched Disenchanted today and it was wonderful, and made me super nostalgic for Enchanted, and since my brain has been on Sandman for two months of course it went "do a Sandman Enchanted AU"

Now, would it have made so much more sense to make it a Hope Godling AU, where Hob is the happy singing Endless who gets thrown into the real world to meet Grumpy Human Dream? Yes, of course it would--

But consider the absolute crazy hilarity of an AU where, after Dream's ruby is broken and his power releasesed something goes wrong, and he gets split into two--his dark melonchaly spooky Nightmare Half---and his whimsical, hopeful and actually happy Daydream Half

And the Daydream half gets shot across reality to the New Inn, and Hob Gadling is now stuck playing confused and rather concerned host to a singing dancing Daydream, who's free of his melancholy for the first time in years and is warping reality to make it into a Disney musical eachtime he laughs, which is often.

Hob is absolutely at a loss as to what to do, especially since his Stranger is acting incredibly stranger then usual--and he's smiling at Hob, constantly. Its a good thing Hob's immortal or he's sure he would have died from that smile alone 100 times by now. And as much as he loves seeing his Stranger so happy and affectionate he's trying hard not to take advantage of that by letting his own deep feelings loose as it's clear something is off--

A fact confirmed by Joanna Constantine (who Hob also knows, we'll put her in to fill in Nancy/Morgan's role basically as Hob doesn't have a fiance or a kid) who makes it clear that yeah this isn't how Dream usually is and something must have gone wrong with him trying to get his tools back.

So Hob's trying really hard to be a gentleman and not get too swept off his feet by Daydream--who really isn't making it easy cuz he's so sweet and open and incrediblely affectionate.

The "That's How You Know" moment--which is Daydream trying to get Hob to open up about who it is he has a crush on because how can this person know Hob likes them if he never says-- is horrendously difficult for Hob to hold back just blurting it out, especially with the reality warping 'Open your heart and sing' stuff going on. And he's trying the whole time not to join in the singing.

Meanwhile the Corinthian--who has a combined Nathaniel/Narissa role--has learned about Dream's current condition and determiend that Daydream will be much easier to off--keeps trying to stab the pair and keeps getting trampled by background dancers and such XD

So Hob and Daydream keep getting closer and closer while Joanna tries to find out whats going on, and Daydream is just having a wonderful time, as is Hob, despite his misgivings.

Nightmare meanwhile, is barely holding onto human shape and is very put out about this latest inconvenience--especially since it turns out that Daydream holds the majority of his power to talk to animals, so everything Matthew says to him comes out as more "Caw" then words.

Nightmare finds Daydream eventually and tells him they have to join back together for the good of the Dreaming and the Waking--things are getting more and more unsettled each time a musical number happens-- but Daydream begs to have one real date with Hob before they do, a date where he can just be happy and not mired down by all the self loathing and fear and such that Normal Dream has. Nightmare reluctantly agrees because they wont be able to join back together unless they both agree, so they all end up going to a dance or something thats happening

Daydream has a wonderful time, and so does Hob, who of course has fallen absolutely in love with this side of his Stranger, and will be sorry to see Daydream go.

But Hob makes sure to draw Nightmare intona dance a well "this is your date too really you get a dance too" and during that time tries to tell Nightmare that he loves /all/ parts of him, not just the happy one. Nightmare of course is less then convinced, and of course goes into 1889 mood all over again, saying that he neither wants nor needs Hob's love (liar)

Which is just when the Corinthian has finally managed to snag hold of Daydream, and seeing the current situation, tells them "Look at how upset Nightmare is, he's embarrassed by all this lovey dovey stuff. Always has been always will be. If you go back together Dream will be so humiliated by all the gushy stuff you've done that he'll never go and see Hob Gadling again...unless you dont join back together..."

So when Nightmare comes storming up demanding that they leave and rejoin now Daydream refuses--but reality starts to break down again as the separation deepens by this refusal, things warping and twisting between fantastical daydreams and horrific nightmares as the clock starts to chime down. And finally Daydream starts to break down themself as Nightmare tells them to look around at what's happening, this is why they can't let go, why they have to do their duty, not give into their own daydreams--and Daydream knows that Nightmare is right--and their heart breaks.

And Daydream starts to fade away, something that delights the Corinthian who's managed to stay hidden as he knows the loss will ultimately undue Dream forever.

But just as Daydream can feel sorrow, Nightmare can feel remorse. And he knows that there's only one way for Daydream-- the side of the Prince of Stories that is the embodiment of happy endings and the power of a true love's kiss--to be saved, so he asks Hob to give Daydream the one daydream dearest to him...

After the kiss Daydream and Hob have a tearful goodbye, thanking eachother for all that they've gotten to experience these last few days. Then Daydream finally agrees to reunite with Nightmare. The two come together, the world comes back into balance, and Dream comes back awkwardly into form.

Dream gives an awkward thanks and farewellnto Hob, telling him he needs to go after the Corinthian, and disappears, leaving Hob alone on the dance floor, with a bittersweet smile on his face.

But of course this has a happy ending, and after Dream deals with all that stuff and gets a talking to by Death and has time to process all the memories hw made with Hob as Daydream...he finally gets up the courage to head to the New Inn again, maybe while it’s raining so we can get the rain kiss scene…

And things work out Happily Ever After…

Edit: Now with fic!

[sout999]

adhd talk

the third truly unsung project alongside my film and dissertation was the weird amount of targeted effort i had to put into Completing Anything Big As A Neurodivergent Person Whose Brain Is A Crazy Off The Rails Train Staffed and Patronised Entirely By Multiple Exact Copies Of The Squirrel From Ice Age

which is a description like 99/100 people reading this can relate to, but i think a sentiment i see less often and therefore feel kind of stupid and stubborn and lonesome about is "adhd is innate but is also exasperated by hectic lifestyle/modern instant gratification machines so if i fix my habits around those i can cure myself forever". which is silly and wrong but also i feel abit disconnected from adhd social media culture and cant cope just relating to it (which is all it seems to be sometimes) but learning to harness or tame it to do the things that are really important to me

i felt really cringe tbh having to look up youtube videos of HARVARD STUDENT REVEALS PRO STUDY TRICK and then narrowing it down to specifically adhd-focused study videos and keeping a planner and setting aside specific time to study studying and practising anti-academic meltdown journaling techniques and reading fucking atomic habits but i really didn't want to contribute to my abhorrent academic record following me all through undergrad. in fact i wish i had done this sooner but i was not self aware enough to consider the fact

probably the best change i made was severely cutting down or being mindful of social media time, i don't backread my tl anymore and have more moments of awareness when i find myself dumbly scrolling and realize i dont want to be doing this, and then wondering what i actually Do want to be doing. i keep a book nearby to read, and have also swapped a lot of social media time to sketching-off-pinterest time. reading about the psychology behind social media apps is also super interesting, although i always feel like a paranoid wacko conspiracy theorist talking about it. stuff like how negativity and judgemental behaviour is good for engagement (and therefore ad revenue), and how if all posts on your tl were interesting you wouldn't be as addicted to social media as you are, therefore microblogging employs a slot machine/gacha system where you "roll" for posts by logging on and hope to get a good one. it's a little full on but the more i think of it as a revolting and evil machine the more incentive i have to do something else with my time ^q^

a harder thing to do was, in the late stages of the project, the real crunch time month, avoid everything that could become a huge hyperfixation, and then eventually even minor distractions or fixations. because i know if i got super obsessed with something i'd just be up posting about it or drawing fanart. i had to bar myself from persona 3 remake and elden ring dlc and all these other shiny new releases, and the mobile games i was playing... i look forward to catching up on them now. i took up reading books a lot more because unfortunately thats just not as exciting. in the last month of film work i stopped listening to music on my computer so i wouldnt get drawing or animation ideas to distract me from film work. as of writing this i havent listened to music in like 40 days guys 😱 at the same time i am the kind of person who needs background noise to work, so i have:

watched novum's four hour hereditary video essay three times

watched novum's seven hour midsomar video essay three times

watched that one five hour bojack horseman retrospective twice

listened to audiobooks of the Britney Spears biography, Jennette McCurdy biography, three Playboy Bunny biographies (i was on some sort of lady bopgraphy kick i guess), and a few fiction books

rewatched all of bojack horseman

started on House MD and got a few seasons in before i finished the project, amazingly the perfect show to look away from bc of all the medical stuff, how many lumbar punctures do you need to show like seriously

honorable mention to the learned skill of communication and being honest and picking your battles and killing your darlings which is a larger part of managing mental illness than i cared to admit but one of the hardest ones because it involved confronting things and making big painful drastic changes and then having to tell the faculty about them. sometimes i'd be stuck on a piece of animation work for weeks/months, then go back and change the underlying idea to one i'm actually passionate about, and do the animation work in one day using newly found magical hyperfocus passion power. it's crazy! but being able to be confident about taking those steps rather than keeping on with what you're "supposed" to do went a long way.

i very much look forward to listening to a music and playing some video games properly now and being pulverized like a small victorian child from the sheer amount of fun i'm having. i'd say it was all worth it and a fun experiment in channeling the magical humours of passion and boredom and i hope it will help me with future projects too. i Am super burnt out though x__ x thanks for reading and for all your support up until now!

[earlgreytea68]

i dont actually know the general consensus on I Am My Own Muse but to me it very clearly feels like pete addressing the fans directly - almost like a conversation? like the opening lines "here i am not sure you should take a chance. I like playing dumb letting you figure me out" basically completely summarises petes relationship with us during the early parts of this era. His uncertainty coming back but also the way he likes to keep us on our toes (like hes always done). His constant surprise that even one person appreciates his art. His odd fourth-wall-esque relationship w us - he always knows more than he lets on. like. these are crazy opening lines.

Especially looking at other songs petes addressed to us (namely thriller and our laywer). Those songs still feel like petes putting on a persona for our benefit. Hes talking to us through the mask he thinks we'll like best - but for his benefit not ours. In those songs he still wants to show his appreciation for the fans but hes afraid to be vulnerable about it. He hides behind tongue and cheek self deprecation (put this record down, we are bad news, we're only good to have almost famous friends... that whole song tbh) or like implication of rejection/disaster (we r not making an acceptance speech, car crash hearts, only thing i havent done yet is die) and its all glitz and distraction bc thats what he does. he will tell us their hearts beat for the diehards but not before telling us why its a bad idea. its defensive from the get go but in Muse he doesnt do that. yes he defends himself but his tone is balanced between resigned and resolute. its stripped down to just his own thoughts voiced aloud. it feels so much more genuine despite how much vaguer in address it is.

Also the general theme of this song is feeling hidden/secret (e.g. the angels didnt know his name, him feeling faded, feelings were tucked away) but trying to draw attention anyway(throw the year away, smash all the guitars, drop a bomb on things we care about) even if its hard/painful (twist the knife again, trying to keep it together).

This coupled with the title is a perfect representation of his journey as an artist in this era no? The vulnerability hidden in old songs and spoken word poems that he relives each night of the tour. An amalgamation of every little moment he created and tucked away is reborn on stage. And who has he shared this particular journey with??? The fans. It was us who he finally trusted with his works and words in the shows and we sang them back at him. Patricks journey alongside pete has felt more obvious bc of his whole demeanour but its pete who wrote his heart out to us. I think this song is a way of pete kinda of juggling this idea in his head before it ever took shape in thw real world. A way of connecting back with his audience. Not as an act of nostalgia but as moving on together. its a gorgeous song and it feels like a love letter to us in the very oarticular way a love letter from pete wentz feels like. its not soft or even sweet but it leaves you feeling comforted and stronger anyway. its solidarity yk.

ANYWAYS thats my ramble for today hope it was worthwhile <33 i really had to get that one out otherwise i may have exploded. can you tell smfs as an album and an era is my baby. sorry this is such a long one lol. hope you r having a great day :)

Awwww I *love* this. I *adore* "I Am My Own Muse" and I always have and I love everything you say about it. To write a song that sounds like that and then call it so deliberately "I Am My Own Muse," like, that we are there and ever-present but in the end he's got to come from his own authentic place. And it's like his instinct is to play a little coy and not be so vulnerable, but also he just wants to scream so someone hears him: Smash all the guitars 'til we see all the stars, like, he's screaming so that we will all see. He's trying so hard to keep it together, keep it together, so smash all the guitars 'til we see all the stars, because we are all in it together, and throw the whole year away and start fresh.

Look, i am Peterick all the way, we all know, and I think I've even used lyrics from this song in a Peterick fic, but in my secret heart of hearts, if you really ask me to be serious, what do I think Pete Wentz is writing about........I kinda think he's always writing about us.

[myfanfictiongarden]

You ever start to watch something that is advertised and praised as being “historically accurate”, even is so in many parts, but then one thing is just so insanely wrong that you sit there blank faced thinking WTH?

Well, I started watching Rome (because I’m a sucker for history and because Bruno Heller worked on it) and seven episodes in I’m mostly enjoying it, a lot of things are great, the actors, characters, sets, costumes, historic context,… but then I go check out on Wikipedia what is known about Octavian’s mother Atia- a character thats delightful to hate so far- and guess my shock when discovering she was the absolute opposite of what is presented in the show. 

Freaking why? Why change a historic character to be the complete opposite of how it was? Next you gonna tell me Mussolini had nothing to do with the Fascist movement and wanted actually to be a classical painter in Verona. Yes, this may be an extreme example, but if HBO is allowed the spread bs why shouldn’t I be too?

Wanna know what the official reasoning was? They wanted to “draw significant influences from other Roman women from the same time period, such as the infamous Clodia, and Marc Antony’s wife, Fulvia.”

Came me crazy, but why not just feature Fulvia then? She was alive and married to Marc Antony at the time the show takes place, why not have her involved? Watching the show you really wonder how Octavian and his sister achieved such noble greatness with a mother like that and then you read some facts and realise that the actual Atia would have brought up such great characters.

Here’s what they should have done:

Instead of having Servilia of the Junii (mother of the famous Brutus) as a recurring character, have Fulvia take that role more prominently and switch her “villainous” role with Atia, who now would become the quiet, well educated & mannered woman she was. Fulvia, as wife of Marc Antony, would often spend her days in Atia´s house- given that Atia is a niece of Caesar and the whole family is in favour of him. Caesar and Marc Antony may be best-buddies right now, but given that Antony is not always the brightest and the fact that Atia is also in good favour with supporters of the Republic makes it important for Fulvia to be on good terms with her. Fulvia would then be the one who would comment that Octavian reads too much and is getting too much of an “feminine aura” because of it, she would volunteer to hire Titus as a tutor for Octavian to teach what makes a “real man”. Because she would play her cards as much as she could she would try to catch Caesar’s eye on the party Atia was throwing in his hour, only to be ignored for Servillia (with whom we would see him spend the night with) and angered about that it would be Fulvia who would give in work those tasteless graffiti, wishing to cut away all outside influents from the most powerful man in Rome. In this case it would also have been Fulvia´s personal slave who would have witnessed Caesar’s seasure and seeing Octavian and Caesar “together” brought those news right back to her mistress who immediately would have tried to use that to her advantage only to be disappointed that it wasn’t like that, but suddenly inspired that- if she can’t seduce Caesar- she’ll seduce young Octavian- Caesar’s favourite & adopted son.

Meanwhile we would have still seen Marc Antony enjoy his time with other women, yet always come back to his wife because she was so cunning and ambitious- it would have played perfectly into the fact that he later fell in love with Cleopatra, for while Fulvia knew how to play the game Cleopatra knew it better. 

Fulvia would also have been the one to pursue Atia to make Octavia divorce her husband because with the politic situation it wouldn’t have been “good for the family” to be associated with him- and to that extend for her.

See? We could have gotten an ambitious, cunning, strong female character and still have it historically accurate!

[eldritchpluto]

GO LISTEN TO LIZARD BOY!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

IM SO MAD MORE PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT THIS SHOW! So, your local giant nerd who has hyperfixed on this show for four goddamn years is gonna explain it, and hopefully convince at least one person to give it a try. I’m gonna put this under a read more for the sake of people’s dashes, but if you like any musicals, PLEASE STICK WITH ME HERE!

Lizard Boy is a musical written by Justin Huertas, and he plays the lead Trevor. The two other primary actors are Kiki DeLohr as Siren, and William A. Williams as Cary. That’s it! It’s only a three person cast, wild I know. This cast is used VERY well, and in incredibly interesting ways.

What’s our main premise? Trevor, our titular lizard boy, (yes I know the name is silly, STICK WITH ME I PROMISE), is living alone. He’s been in his apartment all year, never leaving. Why? After an accident in his youth where he was sprayed with dragon blood after a wild encounter, he’s been covered in scales. He spent much of his following time dealing with social craziness because of it, and he’s sick of being an outcast. So, he stays alone. He only goes out once a year during the city’s “Monster Fest”, since others are dressed up like monsters, and no one looks at him. So, on this year’s fest, he goes out. On a kind of date with a dorky dude named Cary. But, as he’s trying out this weird first date, he comes across Siren. A mysterious woman, whose haunting voice he’s heard in his cryptic dreams. As he tries to figure out this relationship, and who this woman is, chaos ensues.

As much as I love the plot of this show, the music is the real draw! It’s absolutely incredible, and showcases how just three people together can create some incredibly powerful stuff!

Other pros! It’s very gay (and if you ask me, very trans) and meant a lot to me the past four years as I’ve figured out my own stuff. Next, it is VERY creative in every possible way! Next, it’s campy and nerdy and weird as fuck, and is so proud to be all of that. It brings me joy to see something so goddamn weird. Also, all three people involved are very very talented and wonderful!

If you like these other shows, it might be fore you! It has the weird campiness and sincerity of Ride the Cyclone, razias’s shadow, and Be More Chill! Everyone plays their own instruments and does cool vocal stuff with a small cast like Ghost Quartet! It’s about identity in very cool ways like Fun Home!

So, if you want to listen to this show (which you shoulddddddddd) here are some places to start! (Also there will be a new recording coming out soon thats live and will be SO good I was there for one of the recordings for it >:3)

A Terrible Ride- this song was my introduction. It slaps SO fucking hard oh my god. Siren’s voice <3

Take me to bed- Probably my favorite? It’s hard to pick. But big emotion, overlapping parts, amazing instrumentation! The whole deal

Myth to live by- Another favorite! Killer harmonies and just a vibe honestly.

I was going to call you- THIS SONG BREAKS MY HEART BUT ITS AMAZING AHHHHH

ANYWAYS! ITS AMAZING! Listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/album/6Db8WJESTAwTXdF43fQLKs?si=wejkyPHDT8C0m8ww-ryzFA and read the synopsis and see more info here http://www.lizardmusical.com

If you have any questions or want more info, send me an ask! I know way too much, and I finally saw the show in person! (Also got to talk to all three actors, which is maybe the coolest thing I’ve ever done!) So yeah!!

[onmymasa22]

U know what im doing? Im making a decision to the next decision. Thats it. Thats all i can do. One decision to the next. I decided to go to art school. It brought me great friemds and learning about myself and growth. Enoah brought me passion for old people with special needs. I dated guys, i stopped dating guys. Just one decision to the next. I just go with it. Thats my theory. I cant jusge ur decisions, so stop judging mine.

Just make a decision to the next decision.

Do things that way.

Stop being so ypughe. Ur hurting, its obvious. But what if fhe ppl around u were hurting just like u. What majes u think u were the only one who was hurting. Everyone is hurting, maybe more than u, maybe less than u. Ur nor the judge tho. U have no idea ehats going on in other pples lives. But u deserve kindness wnd they

Ill be like a real person in the world. Have an apartment i can live in year round. Be apart of everything. Do everything.

Why is it that when u have adhd, growing up ur way more mature than everyone ur age, and yet when u grow up, ur way less mature than everyone ur age...

Really cute story on how my parents met before actually meeting:

My mom went to Neve Jerusalem in the early 80s. She saw an article for the "brother school" to Neve, Ohr Sameach in 1983 and kept it. Exactly 10 years later, she was set up with my dad, they fell madly in love in three dates, and got married. When my mom moved her crap from New York City to Chicago, my father opened a box and saw this article and picture. He showed it to my mom and was like "look!" She was like "oh my gosh, those are guys from Ohr Sameach, do you know any of them?" My dad was shocked and he said "that's me in the middle!" So yah, my mom held onto a photo of my dad ten years before they met in real life... crazy.

Something i wish i couldve told younger me: thanks to your adhd, right now u are way more mature than kids ur age, ur spending so much energy on just trying to be normal and not bother anyone, so having friends is difficult. When you become an adult, though, u will be way less mature than people ur age. And that isnt an insult. Once you know and accept who u r, you will be just a sequin of a girl. You will forever be young in your heart and mind. And that will attract the best people and the best experiences. So for now, know it can be hard, but u will live an extraordinary life.

I just wanted to tell u, u asked me what changed from the forst year to right then at the end of the third year. And i have a better answer now. At the end of the first year, our teacher meir applefeld gave us an assignment to draw.

Hi, sorry this might be a megillah, but i just need to get it all out. At the end of this past year, shai azulai spoke to us. He asked us to do a drawing and i finished quickly and so he came over and talked to me for a few minutes till others finished. He asked me what i felt my first year vs how i fekt now. I didnt really know what to answer other than that in the first year, everything was new. At the end of this past year, i dont know why, but ive become obsessed with painting trees. Rachel keeny gave us a watercolor class and i had a hard time in the etching class with dalia, and i was emotional and started painting lines and then just started painting trees from my mind with black ink. I remember in the first year, u asked us to make a landscape. It felt impossible. I thought- ask me to draw an apple that i have infront of me, awesome, a table, fine. But ask me to draw something from my mind, to completely make it up? I had no idea how, and i was scared of my own mind. But two years later, its not as scary. So this painting waited two years. I think i just wasnt ready. I needed more time to bake. But now, im a day or two from finishing

I feel sad. I feel like the whole world is spreading negative energy. I feel negative myself

Maybe today ill just paint trees.

Cuz thats wyat ill do when im sad.

Ill paint trees.

If you're crying today, you are not alone.

If you're saddned today, you are not alone.

If you feel numb to the pain today, you are not alone.

If you feel relief today that these people aren't suffering anymore, you are not alone.

If you're going to a funeral, you are not alone.

If it's too much for you to be at a funeral and you just need to hug yourself today, you are not alone.

If today your life goes on pause and you are having trouble doing anything, you are not alone.

If you smile and laugh and live your best life today because you need to, you are not alone.

[hagfishviperfish]

eieudururururuffggh… it’s definitely along the lines of limerence. u think its fine when ur sitting together, it’s actualized that this is someone you could never be together with, and really he’s not all that glittering attractive in terms of someone you would want to be in a relationship with anyway. but then there’s the twofold dream of living with him, then wandering around a city aimless with the thought resounding “i love you so much please text me back”

i think it’s a sign of needing to reconcile something in myself but i don’t know what. i am left with these feelings that i do not know how to deal with. i desire him so much but he is not present. he never will be. it’s just how he is. i don’t know why he’s worth it in terms of my brain/heart. as i said, there are so many things about him that are extremely unattractive in terms of a relationship. This is a consequence of coming back into his life, but really this was happening anyway, in the past two years. it was so nice to just sit with him and not want for more, except i feel bad drawing him to speak to me but that’s fine

i don’t trust him with anything in the world, i feel that i don’t really know who he is, if he’s even a real person — but also that it’s so simple and he’s much more simple than i think. except it’s just that i don’t know. i can only assume and assume and theorize because he’s never around. i don’t know why i wish to know him specifically. Maybe it’s an ego thing. Maybe it’s an issue.

I had a dream that i think was a sequel to an existing dream but i dont know. It was like. I was adopted by the queen and king of england, they looked over me and raised me for a bit. And eventually i had to go back home to my mother. This dream was the sequel where I come back to see them again and see how every influence I had on their castle and lives and everything was stripped away and muttered about as ill-fashion— “oh, that old thing.” whereas i looked up to them so much, i was devoted and dedicated so much to them. they taught me how to dance, i taught the king jokes, things like so.

upon seeing all the ways i meant nothing to them I proceeded to have a breakdown in the dream, taking it out on them, everyone around me, tearing things down, playing into the ill worth they regarded me with by giving them something to be actually disgusted by.

My ex was there— he was there because he heard it was me, on the news, in the rumors, and came to witness. he was talking to people about me, telling them who i was and who he was, *defending* me. Which was crazy. So fond. but when i really think about it I think he was there because ultimately being the child of the queen of england and then coming back to see i meant nothing felt like what it was like to be in a relationship with him.

Why i am drawn to people i mean nothing to. I dont know. why their validation in my worth means so much. i dont know. why i see my worth through others. i dont know. this is what i need to reconcile in myself but. i don’t know. How. I even feel like its fine most of the time, but then i look up to someone and it all comes back.

I just wish he cared about me enough to come by. But he doesnt and i need to find someone who does. Thats the path i’m trying to take. It’s just sorrowful. What also overtakes me sometimes is that when he’s not there, he claims to be thinking of me. Stalking my twitter. Watching what i’m doing wherever. Songs that make him think about me. Which kind of makes it worse. All of that and it’s still not enough to draw him near. He was right in saying I am someone that needs someone to be there for me and it was hardly a kindness that he let go of me when saying that, especially considering the circumstances, but at least he could admit he was not that person. it’s this wish i have that i need to reconcile. the fact that it exists at all. I wish it could go away, I’ve been trying to make it go away, forcing it to by looking at all the facts and realities, but yet its still here, I don’t know how to change, I need to be strong

[keefwho]

August 15 - 2024 Thursday

10:44pm

4/10

I did my whole workout this morning and felt good about it.

Work was good today. Again I really didn't want to do classic warmups where I add generic poses to my sketch sheet. I worked on something personal to warm up and make good progress on the commission today. I thought I did excellent on the background but started struggling on the shading of the characters because I don't have a good formula for that still. I felt nervous at the start of the stream for some reason but I got into the flow of it like usual.

For lunch I made some pretty bad tuna macaroni. I think I got a bad can of tuna, there was less than usual and it came in little bits instead of the usual folded structure. Smelled a little weird too, like it's parts of tuna that aren't usually used.

I've been watching a lot of Summer Camp Island, its like my comfort show right now. It gets me thinking a lot about friendship given thats what a lot of the episodes are about but in a low-key way. I love the vibe of getting up to new and crazy stuff at a summer camp with your friends. It feels secure, like you know no one is going anywhere. Its how great bonds are formed like how everyone is forced to go to school together.

This afternoon I was meant to work on art for my socials, so like drawing popular characters to boost my numbers some. I didn't want to do any of my ideas though, I think they are all kinda lame and have nothing going for them. So I worked on my own stuff a little bit but while I did, I got kinda hot so I did something about that instead. Then I finished BD and TK's statues for my world and got the place updated. I'm proud of that, I wasn't sure I'd have it in me to get it all done this week. But thats why I made verbal promises to everyone that I would do it this week because that would force me to uphold it. I knew beforehand it was well within my capability so it's not like I pushed myself for this.

JD and I hung out and talked for a little after work. We looked at new RTS games to play together and settled on Planetary Annihilation which I was iffy on at first but once we started playing, I can tell I'm going to be addicted. He really liked it too so I guess we found our game for now. We also talked about feelings and stuff like usual but we tried to focus more on the game intentionally. Today I had to tell him that I didn't feel good around almost anyone. I didn't feel the connection, even to him and that it's because there is something wrong with me.

In general today I was feeling insecure and unwanted. I waited for DS for an hour in VR doing basically nothing due to some miscommunication and Discord being fucky and until I knew it was mostly Discord's fault, I took it a little poorly. I tend to wait a lot which is something I told myself to stop doing for literally anyone. There is always something I could be doing until the other person is confirmed to be ready and on their way. I wait too much. When she got on we had a good time. We talked a little and I got some much needed reassurance. We went to my world to look at the new statues and then we took a stroll down my (very crunchy) art gallery again. Its always nice taking that trip down memory lane and talking about my old work. In bed we puzzled and she read a chapter of Monster High. I did a good job of listening to and conceptualized her words since I've always struggled with that for some reason. Its too easy for my mind to go on a tangent about a particular sentence and then I stop hearing new stuff. Its a good exercise in focus though.

I think it's about time to start leaping into accomplishing goals I need to get done for my own good before certain deadlines. It can be hard when I struggle with day to day personal goals but the stress of very real deadlines always makes me go hard. I know I'll fumble but it's necessary to start figuring out what I need to do for myself and my friends.

[sarahmoonartroom]

Alison Hiltner Lecture (February 22, 2022)

Wowza. What a week at art boot camp. Joseph Norman, my undergraduate drawing professor, would always encourage us to exhaust yourself chasing your dreams and basically explained that in order to make your dreams a reality, you need to go to bed EVERY night completely exhausted exercising your talents. And every night, when I crawl into bed around 11:30. I am most always sore and drained from making, talking, dancing, teaching, and listening all day erryyyyday. I love alllllllll it allllll. I never want to leave sometimes.

Anywho, this past Wednesday we had visiting artist for our MFA Lecture series..... Alison Hiltner.

Hilter received her BFA from Kansas and her MFA from University of Minnesota, home to the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices.

Listening to her was totally engaging, inspiring, and hilarious. Not only did she show us plenty of images of her work, process, installs, and processes..... but she totally unlocked a few memories in my subconscious (will expand on this later... maybe)

Her work boiled down seems to take an ordinary object and turn it into an entire fantasy world. A cotton swab with earwax turns into a weird etherial forest, cultivating life from earwax. Through anthropomorphic, interactive installations, Hiltner uses materials like hot flue, rubber bands, and balloons to create choreographed sculptures and time based media.

She pulls inspiration from the natural world, referencing media like The Secret Life of Plants and Planet Earth.... Personifying flowers, and exploring curiosity in the natural world with her own personal flaiiiiir.

"I want people to experience that intense pulsation that makes every living creature alive"

She went on for an hour and I wrote everything down, sweet tea, coffee, and prozac pumping through my blood I was fixated since I had been up for 48 hours listening to this lecture (its midterm Szn okay)..... but essentially she proposes the question.

"How do I bring my crazy mind to life?" she asks.

How do we make the world we want to exist a reality. She said she's inspired by things that are real, that are other world from the deep sea. How does one create a playground to invite people into to wonder? this was absolutely crazyyyy for me and unlocked a whole new memory. When I was younger I was also was obsessed with sea creatures, specifically the Loch Ness monster.... which you can read about here, in the website I create for him when I was in elementary school. I consider this a an archival piece of art from my subconscious.

She closed by acknowledging that collaborating with others and listening to how differently people see the world is mind bending.

...

After listening to Hiltner talk for about an hour, I had laughed plenty and seen about a hundred slides of her story and work. It was lovely and engaging.

Sophia Hatzikos , a colleague and friend of mine, acknowledged Hiltner's refreshing spirit by asking about her emotional experience with the process.

Hilter admitted that besides the 10% of excitement, inspiration, and energy you have at the beginning of a project, and the 10% of satisfaction at the end of making a piece, its pretty much a brutal, chaotic process. Things go awry and there are lots of tears, this was totally reassuring and inspiring to hear.... as I was crying earlier this week in the bathroom over the stressful amount of paper machie I have assigned to myself for the semester.

Thats THE TEA, I enjoyed getting to know #AllisonHiltner and seeing her work.

Until next time space blog!

Sarah Moon (www.moonart.co)

[gothicblogs]

The Masque of the Red Death

A short story written by Edgar Allan Poe, opens with a recounting of a plague, the "Red Death"; it has been devastating the fictional country this story is set in. The narrator describes the process of the disease, so who is the narrator? The narrator of this story speaks in the third-person and doesn't capture any particular character's point of view. The narrator spends a lot of time describing the asthmophere. Prince holds a fabulous masked ball, where seven rooms are unusually laid out.  Each apartment has windows matching the color of the décor, one decorated in orange, another in violet and so on. The seventh apartment is black with scarlet window panes.

a giant clock, which, every hour, strikes with a deep, clear note of very strange pitch. The prince and his guests try to ignore it. It symbolizes that death is coming. All is well until the clock chimes midnight and everyone can sense a new presence. The figure is completely masked, from head to foot. The guests say its death. When Prince Prospero sees the ghostly guest, he's furious and orders him to be seized and unmasked. But nobody is brave enough to. The Prince has formed an image of himself as an unbeatable, superior creature, above even death, and not even he had the guts.

The Red Death masquerader passes within a few feet of the Prince and starts to walk through the rooms, heading toward the black room. Prospero loses it and runs after him in a rage, drawing his dagger as he approaches.

The red death passes the prince and walks through the rooms, starting from the Eastern room to the Western room. (The black room) The prince runs after him, ready to attack but suddenly he drops to the ground. The Red Death captures each dancer, one by one.

Thats where the short story ends, but is there more to it? What do the rooms symbolize? People belive that the 7 rooms represent life, and it makes sense because the point of this story is you cant avoid death. The blue room represents birth, purple growth, green youth and spring, orange summer and autumn, white old age, violet impending death, and black, the final stage represents death. The end comes in that room where everyone dies. The story also doesnt have any real main characters, but the mysterious figure is a corpse of the Red Death.

In my opinion, I feel like the Red Death could have also come to kill the prince and his guest because they were selfish. Partying while everyone outside was dying. Just like right now during Covid-19. All these influencers partying while other people are suffering and dying. Crazy how this story actually happened in real life.

I really like how short Poes stories are. It makes them easy to read but they still are so interesting. Its not like most older books where the authors describe a leaf for 3 pages. The symbolism is also interesting and gives you something to think about. Though the ending was a bit short and to me, seemed rushed, I think its right that way and we all understand the moral of the story. Death is inevitable.

You cant avoid death. And the story can also show karma. And how partying during a pandemic will come back to you. Other themes include: The dead and the living, the desire to escape death, and human selfishness.

You cant live your whole life fearing death, it will happen anyway and its scary to think about how many times avoided it with every choice you make.

[determinate-negation]

i will say the following and it will not be very concise (apologies)

i have similar feelings when it comes to my teeth. they're healthy enough as is, and my dentist has been transparent enough to say braces aren't going to fix anything, and that i dont have enough enamel to bleach. plus, my teeth are gappy and small. none of these are desirable traits, and it's made me very uh self conscious about things as basic as smiling. i could still get crowns or other things done, though, and have a more "acceptable" smile. it is, feasibly, within reach.

however, whenever i read about cosmetic surgery/dentistry as an industry i end up getting so enraged. not just that, but (for example) watching older or foreign movies compared to modern american ones just highlights how crazy it is. seeing everyone with the same teeth and same nose and fillers starts to scare me a bit. even just traveling across the border does this.

also, i had to get the front parts of my teeth "filled" due to an injury, which changed their shape. it was an unavoidable surgery and i still worry over their new shape from time to time. it's a weird mini-dysphoria. they look 'better' than before, and yet i found myself focusing on them more. with time ive come to care very little but it scared me, the disconnect.

my mother and grandmother both have had issues with their appearances, too. i think jewish women have this pressure doubly because of obvious reasons. where my grandmother got work done, my mother didn't and it's plainly obvious that my mother is better off. it's not that she's immune to being self conscious but more that my grandmother is constantly picking herself apart. whenever she does address something, be it her greying hair or nose or lips, she will either immediately move onto another feature or start catastrophizing because the procedure didnt do whatever it is she wanted from it. my mother is more grounded and can see herself for herself but with every new thing i think my grandmother just spins faster into whatever this is

these are my own experiences and i know they're not the world, but having spoken to other people i start seeing mirrored lives.

final note. when i was at my most critical of my own teeth/appearance i found myself picking others apart more. looking back there was an underlying cruelty when i addressed my friends and strangers. also, when I've had friends get plastic surgery, even if i actively tried to avoid the topic, it would come up. i had them give me unsolicited recommendations and "help" in a way that made it so hard to be around them. i dont think it's a guaranteed thing but the psychology of it all is real. even if you try to draw the line between yourself and others it leaks out.

that's all i have to say. for what it's worth I've always liked seeing your selfies as you reminded me of family members and seemed to have a fashionable and interesting life. you're the kind of person that would catch my eye on the street or at work. it's not just your appearance but how you hold yourself and what you find interesting. these things shine out. i dont know you and you dont know me, and i have no interest in pretending like we will someday, but whatever you do just try to take care of yourself. good luck man

thank you thats all really worth thinking about. i really dont know. i dont want to look like a whole different person, i just feel like its something that would immediately improve how i feel and exist in life but i dont know if thats accurate

[azucanela]

OMG I AM OBSESSED WITH YOUR WRITING YOU ARE DEFINITELY ONE OF THE BEST WRITERS ON TUMBLR NO CAP!!! i love ur zuko fics, and i wanted to request some sokka x reader!!! i want u to have complete creative freedom but i love how you write slowburn omg so some enemies to friends to lovers sokka content would be insaneeee! maybe reader is fire nation (zuko’s cousin/iroh’s daughter??) but joins the gaang after crossroads or something?

AFTER | SOKKA X READER

SUMMARY: Sokka didn’t expect the girl who held a knife to his neck to be the same girl he’d fall for. Y/N didn’t really expect to fall either. 

WORD COUNT: 10k

WARNINGS: injuries, implications of death, kisses, bloodbending, threats of bodily harm, death threats

A/N: time to give sokka the attention and hype he is OWED, also im SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONGGG but this is quite possibly my favorite Y/N. writing for sokka is hard tho. im not sure how much i like this tbh but its really long omg. also thank you!!!! i feel honored to be considered the best :D you are too kind

When she was younger, Y/N joined Azula’s little troupe of girls. Though she wasn’t some loyal little soldier for her to order around, no, Y/N never feared Azula. Nor did she follow her blindly. No, it had always been a struggle for power between the two. Even when her father was booted from the throne as the rightful heir. 

Losing her brother made her wonder if giving up like her father had in Ba Sing Se was the easy way out. Perhaps thats why she promised herself she would never give up. Maybe thats why she challenged Azula to... an unofficial duel when she’d heard her comment. Challenged her and won. 

The new Fire Lord’s pride and joy had lost against his niece, a shame. 

Y/N hadn’t thought much of it, but it probably would’ve explained why Fire Lord Ozai was rather pleased when Y/N had came to him and explained her intents to go alongside her father and cousin in banishment. She was, no matter how unlikely, another potential heir to the throne. And unlike Zuko, an actual threat. Sending her on a journey to find someone who’d been missing for a century was the best way to get rid of her. 

If Y/N was honest, she viewed the banishment as more of a vacation. All her life, she had to deal with banquets, politics, war tactics, all at such a young age. It was tiring, and dull, spending day and night in the palace doing such things. Now, she had the opportunity to travel the world, though her grumpy cousin was rushing them throughout each spot, it was still nice. Zuko certainly didn’t think so, given that they hadn’t found the Avatar yet, not that Y/N believed they ever would but, it is what it is.

A sigh escaped her as she sat, on leg propped up against the other on the deck of the ship, they had arrived in the Southern Water Tribe after seeing an odd light in the distance. Maybe it was cruel, but Y/N sincerely hoped they didn’t find the Avatar. She didn’t want her vacation to end, she didn’t want to return to the politics, and she didn’t want to deal with one of the most powerful people on the planet. Aside from her own desires, Y/N couldn’t help but disapprove of Zuko’s need to please his father, the man who’d hurt him beyond forgiveness.

She sincerely doubted her father approved either. Though their relationship had been strained for some time now. Y/N didn’t hate her father, she doubted that was possible, he was a kind man and a good father. Things between them simply felt... off. She liked to think she’d gotten over it, the initial jealously she felt when she discovered her father intended to join Zuko on his hunt for the Avatar.

When she’d found out from Fire Lord Ozai. 

Sometimes she wondered if her father even intended to say goodbye. But she wasn’t a fool, Y/N knew he had recently lost a son, they were both hurting and Zuko needed someone who wasn’t going to hurt him if he did something wrong. Though, Y/N saw him try to save the lives of the soldiers of the so-called great Fire Nation, not do something wrong. Regardless, Zuko needed a father figure, yes. But Y/N needed a father as she grappled with the death of her brother. 

Maybe she was just a little bitter about it. 

“Are you coming?” Zuko asked, his words coming out harshly.

Raising a brow, Y/N shook her head, “no. Don’t get too violent, though.” She warned, looking at him pointedly, “they’re a small tribe that’s going extinct.” 

Zuko rolled his eyes as he exclaimed, “that’s not my fault!”

Sitting up to face him, Y/N smacked him upside the head as she walked past him, “considering the royal family, which you are a part of need I remind you, ordered the genocide of every single Waterbender they had...” She paused, cracking her knuckles before turning to look back at Zuko, “I would say you that everyone here probably blames you for it by assosiation.” Y/N reasoned. She had never liked the history that her ancestors had, much less approved.

Taken aback, Zuko exclaimed, “you’re a part of the royal family too!”  Y/N was well aware of the circumstances surrounding his banishment, he’d tried to save lives, but war was the only thing that mattered to the Fire Nation it appeared. 

His attempt at defense simply earned him a shrug, “perhaps.” Y/N didn’t consider herself a member of the royal family, and she doubted her father did either. And no matter what Zuko thought, though he was royal by blood, his banishment severed his ties to the throne permanently.

Unless they happened to find the Avatar, though that wasn’t very likely, Y/N decided she would rethinking her life choices should the Avatar be here of all places, as she rested her forearms on the side of the ship and watched Zuko march down his soldiers.

She wasn’t going to tell him that the Southern Water Tribe didn’t have a military, much less benders. As previously mentioned, the genocide destroyed the benders, and the most of the soldiers in the village had headed off to fight in the war against the Fire Nation. Though her brow did raise as she watched him yank an old lady from the small crowd of people, Y/N straightened her back, preparing to get involved. 

Of course, a young warrior ended up running at her cousin, war paint and all as he attempted to attack. Key word being attempted. Watching him fall face first into the snow, Y/N realized he wasn’t a warrior, but a boy. The Avatar also happened to be a boy. A very, very young boy. Not a century year old Airbender. 

Y/N supposed it was time to start rethinking her life. 

Sokka didn’t know what he was supposed to do as he helped Princess Yue onto the Sky Bison. They needed to find Aang’s physical body, quickly, otherwise he wouldn’t be returning to the real world, and they happened to be fresh out of Avatars up until recently so that wasn’t really an option. Not when they needed the balance of the world to be restored immediately. 

Sighing, Sokka moved to get onto the Sky Bison, only to be yanked backwards, stumbling before having a knife pressed to his neck. “What the hell!” He exclaimed in shock, garnering the attention of the others that were already on Appa. Katara’s mouth gaping open at the sight of him as Princess Yue cried out in shock.

The knife against his neck is certainly uncomfortable, and he realizes that he probably should’ve stuck around Kyoshi Island long enough to learn how to get out a situation like this. “I’m coming with you. Someone has to make sure Zuko doesn’t do anything else dumb.” Comes a voice from behind him, and Sokka’s brows furrowed in confusion, who was this? And why were they trying to kill him? More importantly, how did they know Prince Zuko, the guy who had been chasing them since Aang had come out of that iceberg. Questions ran rampant through his mind, and he nearly forgot that his life was being threatened.

That was a luxury he couldn’t afford at the moment. 

Though he couldn’t see the person behind him, he could see Katara grimace at her demand, anyone associated with Prince Zuko likely had a similar end goal, to capture the Avatar. This wasn’t something they could allow, and Sokka recognized this as Katara asked, “why should we trust you?” Katara’s eyes soon met Sokka’s and he knew that no matter what he said, she would give into the girl’s demands for his safety. Sokka mentally scolded himself for failing to prevent this situation. 

The girl behind him scoffed, “unlike my dear cousin,” Sokka couldn’t help the shock that flooded him, cousin? As in Zuko is this girl’s cousin? Or did she mean someone else? He was kidding himself, there was no one else it could be. “I like banishment, it’s like a fun little vacation. I could care less about the Avatar.” The knife draws in closer to Sokka’s neck, nearly drawing blood, likely expressing the fact that she could care less if Katara believed her. Though Sokka doubted she didn’t care about the Avatar, he was one of the most important people in the world. 

But Sokka would likely die if she didn’t agree, or at least end up fatally injured. No matter how far Katara had come with her Waterbending, she hadn’t perfected it yet, and healing was only so effective. Sokka sincerely doubted she could beat the speed of this girl and her weapon considering the fact that she’d gotten the jump on them the first time around. Death wasn’t something he wanted, but anyone who knew Zuko couldn’t be trusted, much less someone who shared his blood. If he turned out... like that, Sokka didn’t want to imagine how this stranger ended up.

“Don’t try anything.” Katara warned, eyeing the girl wearily. Though it was an empty threat for the most part, in the air, there was little Katara could do against a foe. Though three, well two if you exclude the princess, against one seemed like favorable odds, this girl seemed talented in combat, even without bending.

She released Sokka, and he turned to see her beaming up at Katara, “happy to be doing business with ya.” Turning to Sokka, she looked him up and down, sizing him up before speaking, “be a gentleman and help me up?” Yeah, she was crazy. The pretty ones are always crazy. That, and she was Zuko’s cousin, it made sense. Though Sokka was fairly sure that she was joking, you could never be too sure.

“Who even are you?!” He exclaimed, exasperated and preparing to whip out his boomerang as he glared at her. He didn’t recognize her, but she’d likely been traveling with Zuko for quite some time now if they were related.

She just shrugged, “you can call me Y/N.” She got onto Appa with ease, Katara on guard a she eyed her, eyes piercing into her soul, Y/N raised a brow upon noticing this, “calm down. I wouldn’t have killed him.”

Katara inhaled deeply, trying to maintain patience as Sokka got into the saddle, “yip, yip.”

Y/N wasn’t really shocked when it turned out Azula was after them. Of course good old Uncle Ozai sent his most valuable asset to bring them back. Though some good at come of it, Zuko cut his ponytail, something Y/N had taken pleasure in bullying him over. Now they were on the run, in the very city that her father had tried to run to the ground all those years ago. 

Irony at its finest.

Tugging at the sleeves of her Earth Kingdom garments, Y/N sighed, walking through the streets of the city. She didn’t know where she was if she was honest, and standing in the beautiful plaza, Y/N wondered if maybe, it would be better if she never returned back to that horrid apartment. Her father was starting over, getting them all jobs at a tea shop, even Zuko had tried to move on, going out on a date with a girl. 

The Earth Kingdom was an odd place, but here, no one knew who she was. It wouldn’t be difficult to restart, alone. Without the expectations she’d been raised with. Fists balling up, Y/N exhaled slowly, turning a corner. There wasn’t graffiti in this part of the city, she realized, staring at the walls. Though there was an odd poster, squinting at it, she moved closer. It was a poorly drawn image of-

A Sky Bison. The same one she’d ridden on back during the Siege of the North, not that any others existed, the Sky Bison were a dying breed. Which could only mean one thing, the Avatar was in Ba Sing Se. 

"Have you seen him?” She heard from behind her. Y/N recognized the voice, it belonged to the boy she’d held at knife point, “the drawing isn’t my best but-”

Turning around she spoke rapidly, “don’t freak out.” This was a problem.

Y/N liked to think she was the least threatening of the Royal Family, aside from her father that is. Though they could both be lethal in their own ways, neither demonstrated the true extents of their power unless it was truly necessary. Maybe that’s why Y/N hoped that the boy, Sokka, she believed his name was, wouldn’t freak out.

Of course, he did. Dropping the posters in his hand, he opened his mouth, likely to scream, only for Y/N to practically tackle him. She slammed his body against the wall, covering his mouth with her hand as she glared at him. Sokka let out a grunt of surprise, immediately beginning to struggle in her hold, “calm down! I don’t have a knife this time around.” Y/N cried out, her voice a hushed whisper. Of course, what she said was a lie, she always had at least three weapons on her. Upon entering the city, she’d knocked that number down to only two weapons, much to her dismay and Iroh’s relief.

She felt him lick her hand, and she quickly removed her hand in disgust, while keeping the other planted on his shoulder, they both exclaimed, “what the hell!”

Sokka’s eyes narrowed at her, “look. I don’t wanna cause a scene, so I’m just gonna go-” He sighed when her hand remained on his shoulder, firmly holding him against the wall as he tried to move away only to be pushed back into the wall. “Or not.” 

“Look, you cannot go back to your little group and tell them that I’m here.” Y/N tried to choose her words carefully, if she didn’t need to, she didn’t want to suggest that her father and Zuko were also in the city. “I’m trying to have a permanent vacation, away from the Fire Nation and my crazy family, in Ba Sing Se.” She explained, slowly removing her hand from his shoulder, “think you can respect that?”

He looked at her wearily, during their last interaction, she’d made no attempts to actually injure them. And when she had the Avatar right in front of her, unlike Zuko, she hadn’t tried to kidnap him. Y/N had been honest last time, and chances were, she was being honest now. That didn’t make him feel any better about trusting her though. 

“How do I know you won’t follow me and kill me in my sleep?”

Y/N looked at him incredulously, “is that a joke?” She’d considered that too though, the possibility that he’d follow her back to her shared apartment and alert his friends of their location. Y/N refused to be the reason that they lost their new lives in Ba Sing Se, and had already decided to check into an inn for the night. 

Raising a brow at her, Sokka gestured for her to give him an answer, and Y/N stared at him momentarily, “well. How do I know you won’t kill me in my sleep?” Y/N retorted.

Sokka rolled his eyes at her, “I’m a good person.” Came his response.

“Debatable.” 

Sokka stared at her in disbelief, “I’m trying to save the world here!” He exclaimed, and Y/N wasn’t shocked by his response, her goal had been to fluster him and she had.

Tilting her head at him, Y/N replied, “sure.” Stretching her arms upwards, she waves to him, “don’t tell your friends I was here, and we’re good.” She began to walk further into the alley, towards the other side, “see you around.” If he was here, his friends were probably around the area as well, meaning she had to leave.

His mouth gaped open and he stared at her figure as she stalked off, pausing momentarily before groaning and running after her, ending up at her side. “What do you mean, sure?” Sokka asked, confusion laced in his tone. 

Y/N raised a brow at him. “What are you doing?”  She wanted to laugh at his reaction, though he was now following her liked a lovesick puppy, which could prove problematic. 

Crossing his arms he responded, “making sure you don’t do anything bad.” Sokka eyed her suspiciously, “because I am a good person.” He asserted.

“And I’m a bad person?”

She already knew he was going to say, ‘yes, yes you are.’ After all, she was from the Fire Nation, and Y/N had no doubt she’d done terrible things in her life, especially when she’d fallen into a dark place and taken on... less than favorable coping mechanisms. 

And he’s silent for a moment, leaving Y/N to wonder if he suddenly cares about the feelings of the enemy. Only for him to say, “in my experience... good people can do bad things.” 

That wasn’t what she expected. Y/N found herself stunned, speechless as she looked to Sokka, though he simply continued to walk alongside her nonchalantly. Quickly collecting herself, she looks away from him and to the nearby food stand, “that didn’t answer my question.” And as Sokka opened his mouth to likely continue his statement, Y/N realized she didn’t want to know the answer as she spoke, “you want food? I want food. Let’s get food.”

Sighing, Sokka followed her, “as long as you don’t poison me.”

Y/N’s brows furrowed at his comment, looking back at him, “do you-” A small laugh escaped her, “do you think I just carry around poison?” 

Sokka didn’t know why he swelled with pride when he made her laugh, “in case you run into your enemies, absolutely.” It was probably because she was the enemy, and it took real talent to make someone who hated you laugh. 

“How often do you think I run into my enemies and invite them to get food with me?” She asked, picking up a few things from the stand, before heading over to pay.

Frowning, Sokka watches her pay, “I thought we were bonding over,” he paused to take a meat bun from her and shove it into her face dramatically, “meat! Yet, I’m still your enemy.”

Y/N simply shrugged, “this is a one time thing.”

It was not a one time thing. 

Sokka found himself ‘coincidentally’ running into Y/N, more and more often. She’d be walking through the streets of the upper ring about once a week, though she had started walking through the streets of the inner ring of Ba Sing Se far more frequently than normal in recent weeks. He’d been meaning to ask her why, maybe she’d also grown accustomed to their meetings and started to come around more. During their meetups they’d talk, about things other than the war, which was a conversation difficult to come by with the others. Though he cared for his friends, talking to Y/N felt different, a good different. She wasn’t overbearing like Katara, or mean like Toph, but she also wasn’t as passive as Aang. 

It was odd. Knowing someone who had once held a knife to your neck in a more friendly way. Though, if Sokka was honest, he didn’t trust her, and she likely didn’t trust him either. They’d both taken precautions due to the mistrust between them, not that be blamed her. At the end of the day, they were still on opposing sides, kind of. Y/N had never seemed to care about finding the Avatar, but she was certainly loyal to her family above all else.

She’d demonstrated that in the Northern Water Tribe. 

Sokka was the same, if he had saw an inkling of betrayal as a possibility, he wouldn’t hesitate to tell the others. Their safety was his priority at the end of the day, and Y/N didn’t owe him anything, just like he didn’t owe her anything. Maybe that was the beauty of it all. But for now, everything remained peaceful, calming, and simple.

Of course, all good things must come to an end. 

Katara had oddly disappeared after Aang arrived with news of his vision. And then, as though things couldn’t get any weirder, Iroh arrived, Y/N’s apparent Father Iroh. Toph seemed to know him well, which certainly came as a shock to Sokka and Aang. “I need your help, Prince Zuko has been captured.” He explained, opening his mouth to continue only for Sokka to interrupt. He couldn’t help it when his brows furrowed in both confusion and frustration, Y/N had never suggested that the rest of her family was here.

“Are you crazy? You guys were trying to capture Aang not to long ago!” Sokka pointed out, throwing his arms outwards, “why not get Y/N to help?” She was certainly capable of raiding the palace and retrieving her cousin.

At this comment, Iroh’s face darkened, “we were separated in the palace. I’m unsure if they managed to capture her or if she escaped.” Oh. So that’s what he was going to say. 

Sokka couldn’t help it when his face dropped, looking to Iroh he exclaimed, “well- why didn’t you lead with that!” Pushing past Aang who had been prepared to start giving a speech on why they should assist Iroh, only for his mouth to gape open as Sokka headed for the door.

“Why are you so eager?” Toph asked as they began to follow him out the door.

He faltered, quickly trying to think up a good excuse as he replied, “no reason.” 

Toph’s frowned, “I can tell when you’re lying Sokka.” She reminded him. 

“We can discuss this later!” He exclaimed, flustered. “Let’s go.”

Y/N had contemplated killing Zuko before. 

It had never really been serious, as far as she would’ve gone was maybe injuring him badly enough that she got her point across. But at the end of the day, she protected Zuko to the best of her ability, and tried to keep his mind from being poisoned by the Fire Nation ideals that she’d once lived by unquestionably. 

Now she actually wanted him dead. He stood alongside Azula, who had offered Y/N her spot in her little gang hours ago, though she’d rejected the offer much to Azula’s chagrin. But she seemed sure that Y/N would accept some time soon. Perhaps it was because Zuko had betrayed her father and left him to the Dai Li. 

He had betrayed her father, the man who had practically raised both of them. 

Y/N had a violent past, she wouldn’t deny, and she liked to think that she was past all that. But looking at the situation ahead of them, watching the Waterbender, Sokka’s sister, Katara, cry over the body of the Avatar, she realized that maybe violence was the answer. Just this once. 

So, when she hopped in front of them, she had a plan. A violent one. 

“Pull yourself together.” She snapped at Katara, who looked up at her, bloodshot eyes and tears streaming down her confused face, “he’s getting out of here alive. But first, I need you to soak them.” Y/N gestured towards the troops coming towards them, Zuko and Azula accompanying them. Katara opened her mouth, and Y/N didn’t care what she was going to say as she ordered, “now!” 

Katara’s brows drew together as she released the Avatar’s head onto her lap, raising her hands to use the waterfall behind them to successfully drench the soldiers, who groaned at the discomfort but pausing temporarily before they continued towards them. “What did you think that would accomplish? What a pitiful-” Azula’s taunts were paused when she watched as Y/N drew her hands together, inhaling deeply, and Azula stopped her movement. “That’s not possible.” 

Suddenly, lightning was between Y/N’s fingertips, and she extended her hand into the large puddle of water that Katara had created. Y/N had learnt to bend lightning soon after she’d mastered Firebending, from her father, he’d insisted that she only use it when necessary, so she kept her ability to herself. This was necessary, she decided, hand touching the water and sending a shock throughout everyone with it, successfully putting all of the soldiers out of commission. 

Unfortunately, Azula recognized the signs of lightning bending, and withdrew alongside Zuko, and the two were now coming to attack from above at a rapid rate. Y/N whipped her head around to see Katara, mouth gaped open at all the fallen soldiers. “You two need to leave, I’ll hold them off.” She began to move to create another strike of lightning

“No.” Called out another voice, and Y/N whipped her head over to see it was her father, Dai Li agents likely nearby as he moved in front of Y/N. “You all need to leave. Take Y/N with you, she will help the Avatar reach his destiny.” Y/N wanted to laugh at that, how could he be so sure? If the boy did die, then this would all be for nothing

Y/N scoffed, “are you crazy?” She moved closer to her father, “unlike Zuko, I’m not leaving you.” She exclaimed, exasperated. 

Iroh simply smiled at her as he said, “I’m proud of you, Y/N.” 

Sokka knew he seemed dumb. He knew how others perceived him, as the ‘extra’ member of Team Avatar, the useless one, because he lacked bending. At the end of the day, Sokka was the brains of their operations, he was observant, and this helped him develop plans that most people would never even consider.

Not that anyone else knew, but Sokka was the only one that had actually interacted with Y/N prior to what happened in Ba Sing Se. Sure, they’d all met once or twice in the past, but Sokka had a knife to his throat then, so Y/N probably didn’t seem that appealing to the others. And he doubted they understood how odd it was that she was so... apathetic. Normally she’d tease, and joke alongside him but now? 

It was odd, and nobody else could notice the shift in her personality but him, and he was concerned. Y/N had lost her father, and been betrayed by her cousin, and she had yet to talk about it, at all. Sokka liked to think that they were close enough to discuss such things, and he’d tried to get some sort of emotion out of her, the key word being tried. 

Despite her apathetic personality, the others had warmed up to her for the most part. Apparently Toph had met Y/N in the past, during the time she’d run off and encountered Iroh. So, the two got acquainted fairly fast, Aang was happy to have a Firebender, and insisted that once he was back to full strength, and they’d found a better place for practice, he’d learn Firebending from her. Y/N had agreed but it was clear Aang wasn’t as excited as he was acting, Sokka figured he still associated the time he hurt Katara with Firebending.

Katara had been far less weary of Y/N than Sokka had expected, but given what Katara had told him when she’d first joined, that made sense. Y/N was a powerful Firebender who had betrayed her entire nation to help save Aang’s life, and though Katara didn’t approve of everything she’d done in the past, she tolerated her. Which was better than nothing in Sokka’s book.

They were currently camped out in the woods beside a Fire Nation town, everyone had scattered to prepare for the few nights they’d likely stay in the area. Katara had gone to the town with Toph and Aang, in search of supplies and food, while Sokka and Y/N set up the camp and collected wood to help start a fire. Y/N had insisted that she could maintain the fire without any wood, but Sokka viewed this as an excuse to get her alone and force her to discuss her feelings.

“So...” Sokka mumbled, looking to her as she leaned down to pick up another piece of wood, “lovely weather we’re having.”

Y/N turned to him, raising a brow before nodding, “yeah.” It was clear she wasn’t entirely paying attention the nonsense that was coming out of his mouth as he tried to get her to listen to him. 

Sokka grabbed another piece of wood, “how have you been?”

Tilting her head at him in confusion, Y/N brought another piece of wood into her arms, “fine.” Looking up at the dimming sky she frowned, “we should start heading back to that spot we’d found earlier.” Y/N turned to begin walking, and Sokka struggled to match her pace.

His brows furrowed in frustration as he stared at her, the light of the falling sun filtering in between the trees and onto them. Y/N seemed to glow as she maneuvered between the trees, “how have you been sleeping?” Even Sokka sounded confused at the question he asked, but he didn’t know how to broach the topic with Y/N.

She simply paused her movement, turning to him, he stumbled slightly due to the abrupt stop, and met her eyes. “Just ask what you wanna ask, Sokka. Stop dancing around whatever it is.” Y/N sounded tired, looking to him expectantly as she awaited his question. Sokka scolded himself for being so obvious that she’d noticed something was up. 

He sighed, “are you okay?” And she opened her mouth to respond but he continued, “actually? You can say that you are okay, and not mean it. Y/N you lost your dad and were betrayed by your cousin, and you-” Sokka grimaced as he met her eyes, “you haven’t been the same since you joined us.”

Y/N is silent for a moment, then her eyes were piercing into his, “how would you know that I haven’t been the same?” She asked, turning away to continue walking back to the chosen campsite, “it’s not like you know me.” His statement had set her off it appeared, but her response had easily done the same for him. 

“Are you serious? Not like I know you?” He scoffed, jogging to catch up with her, “I know that you do whatever it takes to protect the people you care about. I know that you really like Earth Kingdom food because most of the food within the Fire Nation is on the spicier side.” Y/N didn’t seem to be listening, and the camp was in sight, but Sokka continued, “I know that you get really cold easily unless you regulate your body temperature with your Firebending. And I know that you can’t pick a favorite color because you are very indecisive.” 

Aggressively, Y/N dropped the sticks into the center of the campsite as they arrived, turning to him, “you can stop now.” Her voice was almost taunting as she spoke, sarcastic in a way. 

Sokka simply followed suit, placing the firewood in the center and facing her head on, “and most importantly, I know what it’s like to lose someone.” He takes her hand, and Y/N practically growls at the contact, attempting to yank her hand out of his grasp, she ends up pulling him closer towards her. Sokka clumsily topples onto her, knocking the both of them down into the dirt with a grunt. His forearms preventing him from crushing Y/N under his body weight as he held himself up, his eyes meet hers.

Y/N finds herself glaring daggers at him, while Sokka finishes his little speech with, “you don’t have to deal with this alone.”

And in that moment, he looks at her, really looks at her. And she’s really pretty.

Y/N opens her mouth to say something to him, only for someone else to begin speaking, “are we interrupting something?” Toph. Looking up, Sokka sees the others as well, Aang looks rather smug as he wiggles his eyebrows at Sokka, and Katara gives him a pointed look, likely disappointed that he’d fraternizing with the former enemy. He can’t help it when he feels his cheeks warm, and before he can move to get off Y/N, she’s launched him off of her, and he’s flat on his back on the ground. Toph laughs at the actions, bending a seat of earth for herself and the others before falling backwards into it, the girl seems to wish she had popcorn as she watched the moment unfold.

“No.” Y/N mumbles, bringing herself to her feet and dusting herself off. “I’ll be in my tent if you need me.” She retreats into one of the tents they’d set up earlier, and Sokka groans as he lets his head fall backwards into the ground and runs his hands over his face.

When he removes them, Aang is standing over him, along with Toph, while Katara organizes the firewood. “So... did we interrupt something?” Toph asked.

Sokka just sighs, his plan failed. This time at least. Next time, his goal would be to make her laugh, to make her smile. At least she had expressed some emotion, anger was better than nothing.

Anger seemed to turn to annoyance, since Y/N doesn’t leave her tent until nightfall and Sokka can’t help but wonder what was entertaining enough to keep her in there for all that time. When she does exit, she uses her Firebending to light a fire, and uses the firewood they’d collected earlier to ensure it stays alight. The rest of the group was seated around the center of the campsite, and Sokka wonders if she’s going to go back to her tent when she realizes the only open seat is next to him. 

She doesn’t return to her tent though and he’s grateful. Though she sits as far as possible from him on the bench that Toph had created, half-heartedly listening to the things that the others are saying. Y/N can feel herself getting cold and can’t help the resent that bubbles up in her chest as she recalls what Sokka send earlier. Exhaling deeply, a puff of blue fire escapes her mouth and Y/N feels nauseous at the small reminder of Azula. 

This catches Sokka’s attention, though the others are too enraptured in the story Aang was telling, Sokka turned to her, “cold?” He asked, leaning to the side to grab a blanket from his small pack, he offers it to her.

Y/N knew she wouldn’t be able to regulate her temperature when she fell asleep, but accepting the blanket from Sokka felt like... it felt like accepting him and everything he had said about her. So, when she doesn’t take the blanket from his hands, Sokka sighs, moving to put it back, only for Y/N to snatch the blanket from his hand and wrap it around herself begrudgingly.

This was her way of apologizing, moving closer to Sokka on the small bench she huffed as she pulled the blanket tighter around herself and turned her attention to Aang. She’d been mean, she wouldn’t deny, but what was she supposed to say? Exhaling deeply, Y/N closes her eyes temporarily, allowing drowsiness to consume her for a moment, before looking back to Aang.

It isn’t until Sokka feels a weight fall onto his shoulder midway through his own story that he realizes Y/N has fallen asleep, his mouth gaping open in shock as he pauses his words. He quickly shakes off the shock, cheeks warming as he turns back to the rest of the group, who all regard him curiously. Aang once again wiggles his eyebrows and Sokka ignores the action, continuing his story. Though he’s more weary of his vivid hand movements in fear of awakening Y/N, and noticeably quiets his voice. Sokka finds himself wishing he was Y/N as he listens to Katara’s Water Tribe horror story intently, after all, this is the most peaceful he’s ever seen her. 

It doesn’t last long, because she’s soon startled awake, hand going to her side where she keeps her dagger as she and Toph speak simultaneously, “someone’s coming.”

As an old woman emerges from the shadows, Sokka practically holds Y/N down to keep her from lunging at her and attacking as the woman speaks. And of course, Y/N’s distaste for the woman doesn’t stop there, even when she invites them into her home, though Sokka doesn’t blame her. She’s a suspicious woman. 

It’s not until he and Aang are attacking each other that Sokka regrets preventing Y/N from attacking the old woman when she had the chance. Katara is struggling to move, and Sokka can only hope that Toph and Y/N return from the cave soon as he yelps upon nearly making contact with Aang, the old woman laughing cynically. Sokka watches as she shifts, hand outstretching behind her, “don’t think I forgot you little Firebender.” 

His eyes widen in both shock and fear as Y/N’s body is suddenly thrown onto the ground in front of him. Her body rising almost mechanically, back to a stand, Sokka realizes there’s lightning at her fingertips, the woman manipulating her body to aim for Sokka. “A shame you’ll be the woman to end your friend’s life isn’t it,” She’s making eye contact with Katara who is crying out and begging for her to stop.

Sokka can see the panic in Y/N’s eyes as the her hands aim towards him, “Y/N. It’s okay.” He calls out her, in an attempt at assurance that he doubts does much to soothe her. “It’s okay.” He repeats, squeezing his eyes shut as he prepares for the lightning to hit him. Except it never does, instead, it goes upwards into the sky as Y/N cries out in pain, having moved her body despite the woman blending her blood. 

She had overpowered Hama’s bloodbending, something that clearly came as a shock to the old woman as Y/N turned around sluggishly, staring at the shocked old woman as blue fire left her mouth once more, chest heaving. Sokka could feel the weight on his bones slowly disappear, leaving behind an ache, the woman likely intended to focus her abilities onto Y/N, who was struggling to walk towards her. 

“Scared?” Y/N asked, looking up at the woman, “you should be.”

The next time that Team Avatar feared Y/N. She was face to face with Zuko.

He’d approached them as they sat in the Air Temple. And Y/N had practically jumped out of her seat, preparing for a fight as lightning seemed to dance at her fingertips. Though Sokka knew better than to allow her to attack her cousin, and grabbed her arm. “Can you guys handle this?” He asks the others, maintaining eye contact with Y/N. The others looked to them understanding what would likely occur if Y/N was allowed to be involved.

Zuko wouldn’t walk away from that fight. 

“We got this Sokka.” Katara assured, pure hate in her eyes as she stared Zuko down, and Sokka couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he should remove both of them from the situation. 

Sokka’s hand found Y/N’s, and it was almost burning hot, a sparks seeming to fly between them, he pulls at her hand. Y/N hesitantly allows him to drag her away, though she turns back momentarily to meet Zuko’s eyes. “I’ll kill you later, cousin.” She promises, and her voice is scarily calm. “For my father.” The condescending tone in her voice and the wince Zuko has in response is enough for Sokka to know that her intent was to hurt him emotionally if she couldn’t do it physically, and it was clear she had been successful.

Inhaling deeply, Y/N closes her eyes temporarily as Sokka brings her into one of many abandoned rooms in the temple, sitting her down onto a bed before kneeling down in front of her. “Are you good?” He asks. 

“That’s a stupid question.” Comes her response.

Sokka tilts his head at her, giving her a smile, “well I’m a stupid guy.” 

He’s rubbing gentle circles in her hand as she shakes her head, a small laugh escaping her, “no you’re not.” Her voice cracks and she cringes at the sound so she clears her throat, staring at the wall beside her. Sokka can’t help the way his heart swells at this comment, because for once he doesn’t feel like the comic relief, he doesn’t feel like the side character. Though he appreciates the rest of Team Avatar and loves them all dearly, at times, they didn’t take him seriously. 

Y/N makes him feel important. Though he doesn’t say this as he looks at her, clearly shaken by Zuko’s sudden appearance, she speaks once more, “are you sure I can’t kill him?”

This time Sokka laughs, shaking his head, “I’m sure Katara would love to help you with that, but I doubt Aang would approve.” 

Y/N nods slowly, letting out a shaky breath as a tear escaped her, though she quickly wiped it away and looks to the ground. “You wanna sit with me?” She asks, patting the spot on the bed beside her. 

“Sure.” He replies softly, moving to sit on the bed with her. One he’s situated, Y/N leans her head onto his shoulder, and Sokka finds his hand wrapping around her waist. And they sit like this for several moments. 

Taking a deep breath, Y/N removes her head from his shoulder and looks to him, “thank you.”

Sokka raises a brow, “for what?”

“Being here.” She replies, bringing her hand to move a hair from his face, Sokka watches her actions intently and in awe. “With me.” Her hand remains on his face for longer than necessary, and when she moves to let it fall back into her lap, Sokka’s hand cups hers. 

They’re both silent when Sokka’s hand releases hers, and his other hand leaves her waist, both coming to her face. The look in his eyes tells her enough, and she nods to him. 

The kiss felt like the first breath of fresh air in a while. Maybe it’s because it had been long overdue, but as Y/N brought her hands to his arms to pull him closer, she felt her head empty of all thoughts. 

He pulls away momentarily, their foreheads resting against each others, he can see her eyes are shut, lashes pressed against her cheeks. “I hope,” Sokka pauses, and her eyes flutter open to look at him, he can feel his cheek warm as he continues, “I hope I can always be here, with you.” It’s a confession in its own way, and Sokka understands the weight of his words as he watches her reaction. 

She opens her mouth, likely to reply, be closes it quickly, and Sokka can’t help the panic that floods him. Though this is quickly replaced by the feeling of her lips on his as her hand collides with his chest and pushes him down on the bed, earning a grunt from him. 

“Guys, Zuko is gone-” Y/N throws herself onto the floor as she rolls off Sokka, and he sits up immediately. “Am I interrupting something now?” Aang asked, giving Sokka a look.

Y/N clears her throat, “no.” Sokka couldn’t help it when his brows drew together at this comment, bringing a hand to his temple as he sighed, and Y/N stood, dusting off her thighs as she mumbled, “see you guys later.”

She started avoiding him after that. 

When Zuko joined the group, she’s also made a point to avoid him no matter how hard he tried to apologize to her. And of course, when Sokka first showed him to his room they had a... chat. To put it simply, Sokka had threatened him. 

Just a little. 

“So yeah, here it is, your room.” Gesturing to the room, Sokka gave Zuko a tight lipped smile, watching him wearily. 

Zuko’s back was to him as he placed his stuff down, “thank you.” He said, expecting that to be the end of it, upon hearing the door close he assumed Sokka had left.

When he turned around, Sokka was still very much there. “Let’s have a chat, Prince Zuko.” It didn’t go unnoticed by Sokka how the boy grimaced at the use of his title, though that didn’t stop him from moving forward and placing a hand on Zuko’s shoulder a little too tightly. “Y/N does not want to speak with you.”

“I know,” Came his reply. “Thank you for keeping her from... killing me. The other day. I intend to apologize-”

A small laugh escaped Sokka, “next time. I won’t stop her.” This was for multiple reasons, one of which being that Y/N was avoiding him, and the other being that he wished to respect her and her feeling about Zuko. “And you need to respect her wishes. One of those wishes being, avoiding you. Until she approaches you, leave her be.”

Zuko’s brows furrowed at this comment, “she’s my cousin. You can’t expect-”

“Leave. Her. Be.” 

Zuko became silent, nodding slowly as he looked to Sokka curiously. 

And now, to avoid some of his problems and solve some of them, Sokka ended up running away in a hot air balloon with the person he related to the most at the moment, and the person he threatened rather recently. Zuko. Both of them were being avoided by someone important in their lives, and they both had slightly crazy younger sisters. Though their conversations were certainly... odd.

“My first girlfriend turned into the moon.”

Zuko looked at him for a moment before saying, “that’s rough, buddy.” There was silence after this, a temporary lapse in conversation that Zuko seemed determined to fill. “So...” Zuko mumbled. “You and my cousin huh.” 

It wasn’t a question, Sokka realized this, but he disregarded it as he responded, “what about us?” Playing dumb would hopefully get him to drop the subject. 

Zuko raised his brows at Sokka, “us?” 

Scolding himself, Sokka realized he’d unintentionally dug a deeper hole for himself when he said this as he tried to avoid Zuko’s gaze. “Not really.” Sokka replied, “she’s avoiding me too.” 

Nodding, Zuko gave him a tight lipped smile, “what did you do?”

“I wish I knew.” Sokka could only make assumptions about why Y/N had begun to avoid him, but at the end of the day was confused over it.

He really needed to talk to her. 

As the day of Sozin’s Comet drew closer, Sokka had started trying to talk to Y/N more and more, she’d keep basic conversation but whenever he tried to address... the kiss, Y/N would shut down the conversation. And now, it was the day of Sozin’s Comet, and they established that Zuko and Katara would take on Azula, Aang would take on Ozai, and the rest of them would go after the army that was heading for the Earth Kingdom. 

It seemed that Sokka intended to try to speak with her once more as he approached her while she strapped a dagger to her thigh. “We need to talk.” He said, plopping down onto a rock beside her.

“About battle strategy?” She asked, looking to him, “I had some ideas.”

Play dumb, play dumb, play dumb.

Sokka’s brows furrowed as he shook his head, “about the kiss, Y/N.” Y/N tried to hide her shock at his forwardness, he’d never been this blunt before, during his previous attempts to discuss this with her. Turning to him, she prepared to speak but he silenced her, “you’re going to listen this time.” Grimacing, he looked away, towards the horizon. “I don’t know what’s going to happen today. And if something goes wrong, I need you to know-”

“Nothing is going wrong.” Y/N stated firmly. “Nothing. So, we can have this conversation after.” 

Sokka sat up from his place on the rock, moving in front of her, “there’s no way to guarantee that Y/N.” 

Squeezing her eyes shot, Y/N took a deep breath, “I’ll make sure nothing happens to you guys.” She promised, “and I swear we can talk about this after.” She grabs onto his hands, holding them in hers as she looks away. Y/N knew why she was avoiding it. He was right, it was totally possible for one of them to die, and a relationship in the midst of a war was the worst possible idea. After would be better, or at least that’s what she’d told herself.

The pleading look in his eyes almost burns through her resolve as he asks, “will we?” It almost hurts that he doesn’t believe her, but Y/N can’t blame him.

“We need to go.” Her voice was almost a whisper as she releases his hands. Even if she wanted to continue discussing the subject, they needed to begin the battle soon. 

Sokka frowned though, “if you don’t want this, just tell me and I’ll-” He sighed, bringing a hand to his temple. “I’ll stop bothering you.”

Y/n began to shake her head, “you are never a bother to me I just-” Sighing, she looked into his eyes, “I want this. I do, I’m just scared, and we’re in the middle of a war Sokka!” She exclaimed, the words spilling out of her mouth before she can stop them.

“You think I don’t know that?” Sokka cried out, exasperated. “Y/N I’m so scared that something is going to go wrong, and I’ll never get to tell you that I-”

“Don’t say it.” She interrupts, fear in her veins as she watches him.

So, he didn’t. 

If she didn’t feel like she had something to come back to, maybe that would make it easier. Sacrifices would have to be made to reach victory, and Y/N wouldn’t hesitate to be the one to make them if it meant the others survived. They deserved to see the new world, the world of peace, prosperity, and freedom, the one that came after all this.

Y/N could feel the power flooding her as the comet drew closer, pure and raw power. Though this accompanied by her skill would likely help her in the upcoming battle, dozens of Firebenders with half her skill and the power of the comet was something she was definitely worried about. Overpowering them all was unlikely, and in the best case scenario, Y/N could slow them down. But she wasn’t a fool. In war, there were always casualties, and she was prepared to become one of many. 

Then there were the thoughts in the back of her mind. Though nobody had discussed it, the throne could potentially go to her after all this, and that wasn’t really something Y/n was looking forward to debating. Perhaps it was selfish, but Y/N didn’t really care. Was it wrong of her to dream of escaping the shackles that bound her to the Fire Nation since birth, to leave behind the politics and the lies and the pain of it all?

Maybe. 

Sokka knew Y/N had a lot going on in her mind right now. And he knew she was scared of what was to come, and no matter how much it hurt him, he respected her wishes to wait until this battle was over to discuss whatever it was between them. He knew where he stood. But now that Suki had left them, he found himself beginning to regret it. On the top of the Air Balloon, Toph was practically blind, and Sokka could do little in terms of long distance, aside from his boomerang. Which left Y/N to do her best to defend them from the Firebenders that had begun to swarm them. 

“Go!” She cried out, knocking one of the Firebenders off the balloon. “Take out the rest of the fleet.” Y/N dodged the oncoming flames, intercepting them with her own to prevent the others from getting burned.

But Sokka wasn’t going to let anyone die today. “You still owe me a conversation,” came his response, looking down at the bridges on the Air Balloon. “Jump!” Sokka cried out as another ball of fire rushed towards them, he took Toph by the hand and hoped that Y/N followed. 

Thankfully, she did, he took notice of her as he fell towards the bridges extending from the giant hot air balloon. They were all screaming as they fell, and Y/N grunted in pain as she hit Sokka, tumbling over him and off the edge, yelping as her hands grasped the bridge, with little leverage. Toph similarly went over the side, her screams filling Sokka ears as Y/N released one of her hands from the bridge and caught Toph’s wrist. 

Panic flooded Sokka as he scrambled to the edge of the bridge, Y/N’s hand slipping, “Sokka! Hurry up-” Another scream rips out of her as she loses her grip on the edge.

Nearly falling as he grabbed her hand, his chest heaved. “It’s gonna be okay.” He promised, looking into Y/N’s panicked eyes. “It’s gonna be fine Toph!” He cried out to her.

“Yeah, right!” She called out into the wind, the fear evident in her voice despite the sarcastic nature of the comment. “Y/N I don’t wanna die.” 

Y/N almost can’t hear her, too focused on maintaining her grip on both Sokka and Toph’s hands. She exhales slowly, eyes falling on the soldiers that are beginning to make their way down to them as she replied, “you’re gonna be fine, I promise. I’m gonna get you to Sokka, okay?” 

Sokka was internally panicking, he wouldn’t be able to fight back against the incoming soldiers if both his hands were occupied, but his grip was faltering and he couldn’t pull them both up. Grimacing as he looked down at the two, he nodded in agreement to Y/N signaling that he was ready. It made sense in his mind, she would be able to use her free hand to Firebend, which was far more useful than anything he could provide at the moment. 

Inhaling deeply, Y/N looks to Toph, “Toph, I need you to climb up my body, and grab Sokka’s free hand, okay?”

Toph’s death grip on her hand seems to grow stronger, tears brimming her eyes, “I- I don’t think I can.” 

Y/N shakes her head at these words, “yes, yes you can. Bring your legs up to grab my lower body, and then make your way up, okay? Like a tree.”

Toph shook her head rapidly, “I’ve never climbed a tree!”

Sokka couldn’t help but grow impatient as he exclaimed, “there are soldiers coming, Toph please!” His hand was growing sweaty as he used his free hand to throw his sword at one of the oncoming soldiers, effectively knocking him down. 

Y/N felt her arm swing slightly, and watched as Toph blindly extended her legs, finally managing to wrap them around her legs. She released Y/N’s hand and wrapped both arms around her lower body, slowly inching upwards until her legs were around Y/N’s waist and her arms were on her shoulders. “Good job, now reach up, as far as you can, and Sokka’s gonna grab your hand.” Y/n instructed using her free hand to pat the hand that Toph had wrapped around her.

Y/N could feel the young girl’s tears fall onto her shirt as she extended her hand upwards, Sokka’s freehand moving as far down as possible. The strain on Y/N’s body slowly becoming too much as tears leaked out of her eyes.

Maybe it would be better to just... let go.

She quickly shook off those thoughts, Toph, Toph, Toph, she couldn’t do anything brash until Toph was safe. Y/N watched as Sokka’s hand narrowly missed Toph’s. “Sokka, please.” Y/N whispered, looking to him with pleading eyes.

Maybe it was the desperation he heard in her voice that moment, or maybe it was pure luck, put his fingers grazed Toph’s and he latched on, extending his arm as far as possible and gripping her hand. “Now let go of me, and Sokka’s gonna pull you up, okay?” Y/N explained, looking to Sokka, his eyes meeting hers. Y/N quickly realized he couldn’t lift either of them up. Just like her, this was straining his muscles, and Sokka was struggling to keep both of them up. 

“Sokka.” She said, demanding his attention, his eyes met hers, filled with fear as Toph relieved Y/N’s body of her weight and evened out the distribution on Sokka’s body. “You can’t fight back with both your hands taken.” More tears were streaming down her face as she spoke, “a-and... you can’t pull us both up.” Sokka was crying too now, shaking his head rapidly as Y/N simply pointed out the facts.

Toph’s grip on his hand tightened, “we’re all going to die.” There was resignation in her voice, and it hurt Y/N to hear it.

“We’ll figure it out. We are all going to be okay.” He stated firmly, a shaky breath leaving him as he made an attempt to pull them both upwards, a failed attempt.

Squeezing her eyes shut momentarily, Y/N allowed herself to imagine it, a life with Sokka and the rest of her friends. A life where they were all happy. Where everyone made it out of this war alive, and they helped bring balance to the world.

To give them that world, they had to end this war. And what was war without death?

Opening her eyes, she looked to Sokka, and he was panicked, noticing that far more soldiers had surrounded them and were preparing to mercilessly throw them off the balloon. “Sokka.” She repeated, and he looked to her with a tear streaked face. 

“I love you.” 

Everything seemed to slow as she spoke this words, and Y/N didn’t see the horror on his face for long as the grip of his hand faltered when she released it, he was screaming, crying, begging for her to stop. Toph clearly didn’t understand what was going on as she began to call out Y/N’s name in a panic. 

And then she was falling. 

It appeared there would be no after.

It felt peaceful, she decided. Falling. The stress on her body had dissipated and she caught one final glimpse of Sokka’s mortified face before going through the clouds. The comet was visible from where she was, the horizon, it was a beautiful way to die. But staring at the comet she realized she wanted to know what would come after, she realized that Toph was practically helpless and all Sokka had was a boomerang against dozens of Firebenders.

They would die. So, what was the point of her sacrifice? What was the point of her dying?

No, she wouldn’t be dying today.

Inhaling deeply, Y/N felt the power course through her veins, and she reminded herself that she was Y/N L/N, a force to be reckoned with. Nobody would forget that as fire tore through the soles of her shoes, and extended from her hands, propelling her upwards. 

She was the daughter of the famed Dragon of the West. And she would take on his mantle, she decided, as she flew upwards and through the clouds. 

She could see Sokka had managed to bring Toph upwards and onto the platform alongside him, and they were surrounded by Firebenders. It was clear that they’d seen her when their mouthes gaped open, and a few of the soldiers began to retreat, much to the chagrin of their commanding officer. Y/N found herself ceasing her Firebending and falling towards the platform, she landed in a roll and rose on one knee before opening her mouth and allowing fire to pour outwards.

The Firebenders fell off the bridges beside them one by one, and those who didn’t retreated back inside along with the others at the sight of the Air Balloon that Suki had evidently comandeered.

Closing her mouth, Y/N’s chest heaved, and she felt Toph tackle her from behind, “you’re alive!” She exclaimed, punching Y/N’s arm roughly, “idiot.” She dug her head into Y/N’s shirt.

“Yeah, I am an idiot.” Y/N replied breathlessly, holding the girl tightly.

When Toph finally released her, she gave her a smug look, “I’ll give you and him a minute.” Though this was partially an excuse to head back inside and into the safety of the balloon, maybe even attack some of the remaining Firebenders, it was also because Toph could read the room.

And there stood Sokka, mouth gaping open, tears streaming down his smiling face as he looked at her, before lunging towards her similar to how Toph had. Except his hands came to her cheeks as he brought their lips together, effectively knocking the two onto the ground of the platform, be pulled apart from her with a smile on his face, “I love you too.”

Yeah, after was looking pretty good right about now. 

A/N: i hope you guys liked this SUPER LONG THING WOW, that was an accident. i was super close to like breaking everyones hearts and killing Y/N but then i felt bad so be grateful i was nice ksaljdlahfkj

anyways take care of yourselves!

taglists:

atla:  @bubblebars @jada-cleo @art-flirt @the-deli-meat

[hopeandvolleyball]

when you break up

w/iwaizumi, akaashi

genre: pure pure angst

a/n: i might make this a series because i like the idea and i like hurting people with angst. sequel “when you move on” here

iwaizumi

he was just busy. that’s what you wanted to tell yourself. he got a new job and he was just busy.

but at some point him standing you up, cancelling dates for team hang outs was enough. you understood that this athletic trainer job was important to him

but weren’t you? he said he wanted to marry you.

that’s what the promise ring on your fourth finger supposedly said.

so that’s what you were going to find out.

you were waiting on the couch when iwaizumi returned home to you. despite everything you still missed him and got butterflies in your stomach whenever he walked through the door. you jumped up when he set his bag down to hug him. arms wrapped around his waist you wanted to pull him closer and sway back and forth. instead he grunted and pushed you off him.

“nows not the time, y/n,” his voice was gruff as he continued to walk to the kitchen to grab some water. instead of feeling your heart break you felt an odd fire in your chest. a fire of anger, please, do not get it confused. you followed him, swaying on the balls of your feet.

“i made dinner a while ago, i can reheat it for you if you’d want,” you suggested, trying not to let the annoyance you were feeling slip through. iwaizumi didn’t give you the same pleasure.

“i already ate.” he snapped simply, sipping his water. you gripped the fabric of your pajama pants tightly, lip curling and brow twitching in anger. just breathe. don’t scream. don’t get angry.

“hajime, we need to talk,” you demanded, voice squeaking just a bit as you spoke to him. he pinched the bridge of his nose and rolled his eyes at you. never in your life did you ever think you would hate those sparkling emerald eyes of hajimes. now you couldn’t bare to look at them. they held no sparkle. at least not for you.

“can’t it wait? i’m exhausted.” iwaizumi bit back with a bit more force than you had with your first demand. you bit down on your lower lip harsh enough to draw blood.

“just like our anniversary?” you barked, trying not to let your voice waver. you wanted to get your opinion out before he walked away from you and continued to ignore the ever present poison in your relationship. “like the date you were supposed to take me on last week? or the one on fucking friday? jesus christ hajime i don’t see you anymore! ever! it’s like i don’t exist to you. you spend more time with that god damn team than you do your own girlfriend!”

“it’s my job to spend time with them,” hajime defended, tone not wavering and he sounded disinterested by this argument. he didn’t even try to defend himself in regards to the missing dates.

“it’s your job to train them, iwaizumi!” you countered. “not continuously go out to dinner with them, plan hang outs, none of that! i’m sure you’d remember atsumu miya’s eye color before you’d remember mine. i’m tired of this, hajime. i moved back to japan to start a life with you. to be with you and you don’t even care! i’ve given up all of my dreams for you and you take me for granted and i’m sick of it. something has to change here iwaizumi.”

“if you can’t handle my job and what i need to do then you can leave,” iwaizumi snarled, crossing his arms. your eyes widened and stepped back. “i can’t be with a person who doesn’t support me.”

“i’ve been so supportive! more than you!” you wailed, still wanting to cry but you didn’t. hajime didn’t respond and continued to walk down the hall. “fine. i’m gone.” he turned around, not sure what he was expecting but it wasn’t you taking off your ring off and placing it on the counter. “have a good life hajime. don’t treat your next partner the way you did me. i’m done.”

“wait, y/n-”

“thats the thing, hajime. i’m tired of waiting.” you sadly laughed, slipping on your shoes and grabbing your purse. he stared at you with wide, confused eyes. he wasn’t going to stop you. he didn’t care enough and you knew that. but some part of you wanted him to follow you and kiss you outside of you apartment while he confessed his undying love for you. but he wouldn’t. “i’ll get my stuff while you’re at practice so you don’t have to see me. goodbye hajime.” with that you walked out the front door. you didn’t cry until you got to your car, sobbing while driving down the street. you stopped at the old cafe you and hajime went on your first date to. sadly you went inside and got yourself an americano. hajime’s favorite drink. you sat alone at a table until someone tapped your shoulder and pulled up a chair in front of you.

akaashi

you didn’t want to be jealous or insecure really you didn’t. that was the last thing akaashi needed.

but from dates skipped because bokuto needed something, or him letting other people flirt with him

you were done.

no. moreso you were just tired.

you two have had this talk more times than you could count and he promised to be more considerate of your feelings.

then why did he let the waitress on your date flirt with him and why did he pocket the number they left on the check.

the ride home was eerily silent, you staring out the window not bothering to speak to keiji. he was getting annoyed and you could tell by how harshly he was gripping the steering wheel. you knew he wasn’t going to bring up what happened so you were going to have to start this argument. again. you were the bad guy again. that’s how it always was.

“what was that back there, akaashi?” you asked quietly, cheek still pressed onto the cold window of the car. keiji sighed, slightly annoyed slightly depressed.

“what are you referring to, my darling?” he asked, not taking his eye off the road to look at you.

“you let the waitress flirt with you all night! kei we’ve been over this we’ve been over how it makes me feel!” you responded incredulously. akaashi rolled his eyes and sighed once more.

“she was not flirting with me, y/n, she was just doing her job and trying to get a better tip,” he defended, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel once the car pulled to a stop, the red of the stop light illuminating both of you. almost like a warning. you threw your hands up and laughed.

“is that why you have her phone number in your pocket?” you bit, a sharper tongue than any snake he could have ever met. “why are you defending her?”

“i was going to throw it out when we got home,” akaashi rolled his eyes. “i’m defending her because you’re acting crazy and possessive. you’re being insecure for no real reason. i give you everything stop acting like an entitled brat.”

“that’s bullshit and you know it, keiji!” you slammed your hands against the dashboard which caused akaashi to flinch. “you’ve only started to pay attention to me because i called you out. i’m insecure because you have consistently made me feel like i’m worthless! like everyone else means more to you than me! your coworkers, your editor, your assistant, bokuto. need i go on?”

“is nothing i do good enough for you?” akaashi fought back the moment the light turned green. “i’ve been trying. i have. and if you can’t accept that i’m not perfect and that this is going to take a while for me to change then maybe you should just leave.” the car went silent at that proposition. you stared at him with glassy eyes, hands falling to your lap. akaashi’s blueberry eyes were starting to wet as well.

“are you serious?” you meekly spoke up, worried of what his answer was going to be.

“we’ve been at each others throats for months now. i’m not making you happy. and clearly nothing i do is helping. we need to just end this. i’m sorry, y/n.” you stared at him, your entire world crumbling within minutes. you loved akaashi keiji. but if he wasn’t willing to fight for you here he never would be. he didn’t love you the way you loved him. nodding, you turned back to look out the window.

“i’ll start packing when we get home.” was all you said for the remainder of the lonely car ride.