#a LOT of people ask me if this is Hannibal so I'm literally making Hannibal print right now since i'm edgy and I love both X D

[jagalart]

thanatologist

[medicinemane]

There's honestly... just so many people, just so so so so so many people in this world where I'm like... aren't you people tired of this fucking... you know, I was going to call them clowns but that's really disrespectful to clowns, these people could never get their face on an egg...

Anyway, aren't you tired of this childish jackass? Don't you just want to ignore them and never have to hear about them again? If we just ignored them they legitimately would go away... don't you want that?

And this applies to... just ungodly amounts of people, from jake paul to even elon musk (just... don't touch his shit, he'll run out of money eventually with how bad he is with it), to just... name an annoying famous person and you'll name someone I've literally forgotten right now that I could never have to hear about again if people would just ignore them (unless they committed crimes, investigators are welcome to pay attention while gathering a case)

Yet the answer's always "no, we're paying so much attention to them!" and I'm just like... why? Why would you watch jake paul box? I heard about that and was like "he's still doing that shit?", and yet I guess it made a lot of money yet again and it's just like... ignore him

These people could go away, and yet

[velvet-games]

intro post

I'll probably add more to/change this later; I've just needed an intro post for a while, and this is what I could think of. you should probably remind me to update it if this section is still here after like six months lol.

name/pronouns/age/gay shit~

honestly you can call me whatever, but I probably won't know you're talking about me unless you use vel/velvet.

prefer they/it; any pronouns are fine.

I'm probably non-binary I guess.

I'm an adult.

I basically just identify as queer at this point, but I'm like,, vaguely aroace-spec probably? still figuring it out. I'm actually very happy to talk about it more specifically, but I might have to sit you down for an entire day to explain it lol.

what I do/post~

I mostly post fandom stuff, and my original posts include a lot of art + occasional meta. I'm starting write fic too, so that might be a more regular thing in the future :)

other accounts~

@/velvetygames -- explicit nsfw twitter/x account, not very active

@cornerbytes -- old dragon prince account that I will probably revisit when the new season comes out

@/velvet_games -- ao3 account

nsfw~

I post occasional nsfw here (never super explicit; that's saved for my twitter); it'll be tagged #nsft.

fandoms~

current fandom: hazbin hotel

previous fandoms:

hannibal (will always have a very special place in my heart)

arcane (will revisit when the new season comes out)

ofmd (literally so happy this exists; devastated it's not getting a new season)

the dragon prince (will probably revisit when the new season comes out)

good omens

lotr (I also read like 2/3 of the hobbit and will hopefully finish it this summer lmao)

things in media that make me go insane (in a good way)~

friendship

happy endings

cannibalism

(WELL-WRITTEN) romance (THAT RESPECTS THE CHARACTERS AS INDIVIDUALS AS WELL AS WHO THEY ARE IN RELATION TO OTHERS)

surrealism

good visuals (even if everything else is shit; extra points if it's animation)

angst

fake-hating

this one's weird but I love situations where a character is really helpless; I thought I liked whump because I can be borderline sadistic about it sometimes, but whump is really not necessary at all to this concept

religious stuff, mythology, angels specifically for some reason (especially when they're terrifying and/or fallen)

gay people

requests~

you are welcome to send in ideas through comments, DMs, asks, etc., but I can't guarantee I'll draw them. if I don't, it doesn't mean that I don't like your idea; I'm probably just busy or have too many brainworms about a specific thing to draw anything but what's on my mind.

notes~

I randomly get really anxious about feedback on stuff sometimes lol, but I promise I read every single comment/tag and cherish them very deeply <33

also, like/rb spamming is totally fine and welcomed! I know some people don't like it, so I just wanted to make it clear that it's completely cool with me.

mutuals~

for a really long time, this was my pinned post, and it's still true! definitely welcome any interactions from mutuals <3

I do have a problem with randomly ghosting people though; I've been much better with it recently, but please try not to take it personally if I don't respond to DMs quickly. I'm probably just being insane and in my head about it. I'm really sorry.

misc~

this is an account that is purposely removed from my irl stuff; I'm here to have fun and relax on my mostly fandom-oriented blog.

I don't block often since I mostly meet nice people on here, but I am very happy to block accounts that make my experience on this app shitty.

I try to tag triggers when appropriate, but please let me know if you need me to tag anything I haven't.

art for me is just a hobby I use for fun and self-expression, so while I really appreciate concrit, keep in mind that my goal is ultimately to make stuff that makes me happy.

I am also very protective of young artists that get made fun of for being beginners or making unconventional art; you should never assume why someone is making art, and you especially should not assume that they are focused on becoming more skilled or making things that are beautiful to you. if they're not hurting anyone and you're not their target audience, get the fuck out.

I am of the mindset that media is not real, but that your reaction/the things you learn are. liking cannibal media does not make you a cannibal, but seeing bigoted portrayals of minorities can feed your biases (doesn't necessarily mean you can't consume it; does mean its effect on you/others irl should factor into if/how you decide to interact with it).

I'm vaguely fucked in the head. just keep that in mind.

[faggotryandtransjesterism]

i've been thinking about people who write hannibal fics, and how incorporating will's louisiana upbringing could be so hard if you didn't grow up there, and it just so happens that i did grow up there! so i'm making a little list of things about louisiana that people might not know. go forth and write cajun will graham!

food: first off, there's a lot of things that are very specific to poor people in louisiana. i didn't realize until relatively recently that these weren't things everyone ate. molasses and milk (poor man's chocolate milk. honey and milk also is a thing, but molasses is more common bc of all the cane fields.) actually, let me just get a whole category out of the way: put everything in milk. cornbread and milk (with honey or sugar dumped in to sweeten it, this is a whole meal, we used to eat this for dinner), oats and milk (raw oats. with sugar.), crackers and milk (saltines. i'm not joking.), literally put any carb in milk and that's a cajun dish. dinner foods you see a lot of are things like jambalaya, gumbo (pro tip, gumbo is always better on the second and third day, and you eat it with potato salad), etouffee (if you look this up, you'll see a lot of fancy shit, this is not fancy. it's the slimiest gravy pot full of meat and veggies.) everything has rice, you can't eat dinner without rice. sweet potatoes are big, a lot more common than regular ones. okra is also very very common.

environment: we all know louisiana has a lot of bayous, but a lot of people have never seen one i guess? and have no idea what that looks like. it's not like shrek swamp kind of deal. the water's not that filthy most of the time, at least not to look at. you've got a lot of foliage on top of the water mostly. cypress trees are the big thing that makes a bayou look like a bayou. cypress trees with spanish moss all over them. the line between a bayou and a lake isn't big, and a lot of them are connected. also. (about to tell you something that will blow your mind.) swamps are full of nutria rats. (but percy, what are nutria rats? (pronounced noo-tra rats)) they look like small capybaras with long thick tails, and by small i mean they gut up to 20 pounds. 3 feet. they're actually adorable though. alligators are common, they're not aggressive, you just have to keep an eye on them. there's usually saw palmettos around the edges of the water. outside of swamps, though, something you'll notice is there are sugar cane fields everywhere. there's also live oak trees, which if you've never seen, are beautiful. they do exist in other places, but they grow differently in louisiana bc of all the water. they have enormous, sweeping branches that dip down onto the ground sometimes, and they're (once again) full of spanish moss.

culture: in louisiana, some people speak cajun french. this is not the same as parisian french, and it's not always mutually intelligible. also, there's really very few people left who speak it, and it's mostly older folks. for example, my grandpa learned french before he learned english, but he didn't pass it on to his kids, and now he has very few people to speak it with. cajun music is a pretty unique thing, you've usually got an accordion, a fiddle, a bass, that kind of thing. some songs off the top of my head are jolie blonde, opelousas sostan, the boscoe stomp; there's also a lot of instrumental music, because it's all actually dancing music! cajun dancing is a whole thing that, once again, is dying out and mostly older folks know how to do it (my grandparents took me dancing all the time, so that, at least, i know). you might be able to look it up, but keep in mind, if you see something that looks more like square dancing, that's not what i'm talking about. (if you want a demo send me an ask lol, i can explain. in the meantime, i used to dance at randol's in lafayette, and the best band was donny broussard, so look those up on youtube if you want to hear cajun music.) zydeco is a whole other genre, and honestly not one i know much about, but it is an integral part of cajun culture.

that's all i can think of for now, but if i think of anything else, i'll add on. if you have any questions, my ask box is open!

[littleoddwriter]

choose violence 🔪❤️

1, 2, 16, 22

thanks for the ask! <3 oki, NBC Hannibal... let's go, fhsdgfsd-

the character everyone gets wrong

I wouldn't say eeeveryone, but... a lot of people get Will Graham wrong. like, he's an extremely complex character with many different aspects that aren't explored too deeply in the show at times (despite the show mostly being from his perspective); but there are enough leads to go off of to at least get the right idea when going deeper yourself. my main issue is that he's either taken at face value all the time, reduced to his season 1 encephalitis-riddled persona, or completely twinkified and innocent. all of which are plain wrong and annoying to see, I'm not gonna lie. you do you and all that, but it does get annoying after the third or so post from different people in a row, and seeing that slowly but surely becoming a popular fanon idea (especially among new fans). but I just scroll past or even block people because it doesn't actually matter and I can control what I see and react to. (also, it's not like I am an expert on Will either or understand him 100% and am right all the time. but seeing him completely misinterpreted and almost turned into a new character, a shell of his self and a caricature of who he is, that's what gets me.)

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

Will Graham again, what a surprise. oki, so, personally, I do believe he's a vers/switch. but he especially strikes me as a power bottom a lot of times. he's generally dominant, but he likes to receive. he can be a brat and wants to be dominated sometimes, too, depending on the partner. but most of the time, he's dominant, in need of control, but wants to be worshipped/treated (in the way that he receives). gosh, uh... compelling argument. um. vibes, I guess. my brainworms said so. Will himself told me that. idk hdfdkjshfjksh

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

"uwu innocent babygirl that has never done anything wrong and it's all the big bad Hannibal that manipulated and destroyed him" characterization of Will Graham. it's sometimes a funny meme, which I'll laugh at, too, buuut if it's taken seriously and people actually think that, um... nope. and I've seen that going around a lot. not to shame anyone, just an observation of the Twitter- and TikTokfication of Hannibal, yet again. I've pretty much only seen new fans, who come from those two platforms in particular, do that and be serious about it.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

honestly? the different relationships and dynamics in the show that aren't Hannigram. like, yes, people also focus quite a bit on Will and Hannibal's respective dynamics with Alana and Bedelia, but usually through the Hannigram-lens. same with Abigail. and it makes sense, duh, Alana, Bedelia and Abigail are extremely intertwined with Hannigram. so are most other characters and their dynamics. because that's the main focus of the show, basically. but I still think that other relationships and dynamics are vastly underrated and even overlooked. examples include Jack Crawford with literally anyone but Will or Hannibal. especially with Miriam Lass. or his literal wife, Bella. or Francis and Reba. Abel Gideon and Chilton. and so on. there are many interesting dynamics to explore. I understand the focus on Hannigram and Hannigram-adjacent ones, like, I'm guilty of that, too. so is the show itself. but, you know. that's just the thing that came to mind first.

[graciereadshannigram]

For the fic writing asks!!!

🗂: Do you make moodboards for your fics or blorbos?

Also: 🫖 and 🩻

Have a fantastic week!!!💖💖💖

🗂: it has literally never ONCE occurred to me to create a moodboard for any of my fics lolol it feels kind of incompatible with my writing process. i feel like if i created a moodboard, i would feel too 'locked in' if that makes sense. while writing, i really do feel like i'm discovering the story rather than dictating it, so i get surprised a lot as i go along. i'll start with a super vague idea and then just follow it and see where it goes!

🫖: the idea of having a tea party with Will and Hannibal feels deeply uncomfortable lmfao i'm not sure how to describe why exactly, but it's not because its Will and Hannibal. it's more that they exist inside of my head and on the page and trying to insert myself, as myself, feels.... wrong? lolol i'm not trying to sound negative or judgmental here, just trying (and probably failing) to bring y'all along on the thought process here!! (yes, i also have trouble imagining what i would do in other impossible situations because my brain goes, 'that would never happen so i cannot give an answer' hahaha)

🩻: has writing a fic ever lead me to discover something about myself?

i would say that i've learned more about myself while reading fics than while writing them. there have been a couple fics i've read that have genuinely felt like i was having revelation after revelation about myself LOL

but when it comes to writing, i think my fics are the best way for me to articulate what i already know about myself. because of that, i think my fics give the people who read them a lot of insight into who i am as a person!

[not-psychotic]

i wanted to reblog, but then i figured i didn't want to take up space in your notes in case this is an astronomically bad take, but. regarding the hannibal liking/disliking bella discourse.

i think one of my favourite aspects of the episodes involving bella is the nuance with which her relationship with hannibal is treated.

on her part, she trusts him and considers him if not a friend then an ally. she likes him enough to be willing to die in front of him, enough to bring him a token of her gratitude.

hannibal feels about her the same way he feels about a lot of people on the show: indifferent, but faintly amused. there's like a distinction between the humans he considers no better than pigs, humans he only deems worthy of his time because he can play with them/enjoy what intellectual stimulation he can get from them (think jack, bedelia, abigail, alana, and yeah, even bella), and finally people like will.

he throws a coin to decide whether he wants to save her or not precisely because he feels so ambivalent. if he had disliked her the same way he did... i don't know, franklin? he probably would have poured himself some wine and just let her pass. i think he betrayed his indifference in throwing the coin, and when it landed on the "right" side, he was acting in a way that would protect him from any judgement, as is his usual.

after all, a doctor is morally obligated to give first aid to anyone in need of it – it's literally in their oath. if questioned about it, he could have defended himself by saying that while he respected bella's freedom, by choosing to die in front of him she had put him in the position to save her.

i think the best part about his manipulative skills is that he always, always covers himself by making it sound as if he were in a corner, forced by circumstances apparently out of his control to act in a certain way. he had to kill tobias, or he would have died. he had to save bella, or he would have betrayed what all doctors stand for. no one can question him, so he acts undetected.

at the same time, i wonder how much bella actually trusted him. she didn't seem too friendly with him, almost as if unnerved by his presence. she knew he was a doctor, knew that he would be obligated to help her, so why choose to die in front of him? she says she didn't want jack to find her, but i'm sure there must have been plenty other ways to go about that without involving hannibal. honestly i'm curious to know if maybe she also wanted to know what hannibal would do.

sorry now, this has become a GIGANTIC ask and i don't even know how i got here. but yeah, that's just my twopence on their dynamic, because it's really interesting and criminally overlooked. anyways. hope you have a good day!

yeah he flips the coin because he doesn’t care to make the choice himself. as to their relationship, we only ever see bella in scenes with jack or with hannibal or both. she wanted to die, she didn’t want jack to find her so her only other option was hannibal. which is extremely sad. saying that hannibal saving her was one of his “nice” “selfless” moments is insane to me. bella wanted to escape and hannibal plunged her right back into the miserable life she tried to escape from, now more trapped than before. and we shouldn’t act like the hippocratic oath is important to hannibal in any way

[not-poignant]

hi pía, this isn’t really a question but i was thinking of a post i saw from you the other day, in reference to hannibal and will fics. I am a HUGE lover of their ship and the fics that come with but i’m also a massive lover of yours and was thinking about how similar but different they are. maybe i’m psychoanalysing this buts it’s really been on my mind how someone could write fics like yours but not find the dynamic of hannibal and will interesting. there’s definitely a lot of different reasons but i think it mostly boils down to this:

hannibal tends to cause will a lot of pain in an attempt to monopolise him. he only loves will because he sees him as an extent of himself, like an arm or a leg if u will, a true narcissist.

where’s as they dynamics in most of your books, original or fanfic, whether they start out with someone in pain theirs usually a sort of arc where the character heals and growsi think the closest would be mosk and im so sorry i forgot the other mcs name :( basically a lot of comfort after the hurt

i dunno i just thinks it’s a really interesting difference

Hi anon!

This is cool reasoning, and that is a part of it, but I'd like to add probably one of the most important things here - people just have opinions about things, and they don't always have to make sense.

I really can't stand the Steve/Bucky ship. It's squicked me from the beginning. I couldn't tell you why, it literally does have many of the things I love in a ship - someone with a trauma background, two people who are often trying to do better, crunchy consent issues, and more.

Can't stand it. As a multishipper I literally cannot read this ship. (Sorry folks, it's a great ship, I respect y'all who love it and I'm glad you have a lot of fic for it).

Not everything has a logical reason, because we're lumps of meat and we just make arbitrary decisions sometimes (or our body does).

(This is actually why people looking for moral reasons to hate or love a ship is kind of stupid, but that's a whole other issue).

So yeah, I mean if I wanted to, I could write a hurt/comfort Will and Hannibal fic with growth. There's literally thousands doing that in AU format where Hannibal was never a cannibal in the first place! I've even bookmarked a few of those. I could write a Hannibal who isn't horrendously physically and emotionally abusive to Will!

Like, all the things about the canon characters is true, anon, but we change things all the time in fanfiction and that's the fun of it. One of my favourite ships ever is Severus/Harry, but I don't think anyone would say that they have a particularly growth/positive connection to each other in canon (not while Snape is alive, anyway).

In Rise of the Guardians, Pitch is basically a theatrical monster who literally loves making children cry, and tries to kill Jack repeatedly. There's zero growth and eventually he's defeated.

It's one of my favourite ships of all time.

We just make choices, anon. The reasons I don't love Will/Hannibal are definitely in your above ask, but they're also just in the fact that I'm a lump of meat with electrons firing randomly who just makes choices and has random opinions about stuff!

That's why how I feel about a ship has no bearing on how anyone else feels about it, and vice versa! :D (I really truly mean it when I'm glad other people enjoy these ships, because them enjoying it says nothing about them, and nothing about me, because shipping is personal, weird, and often not at all logical. For every logical 'oh yeah that's true' I can think of a pairing where it's like 'oh but that do that and I love that ship.' Brains are just...really really really weird. :)

[the-bloody-sadist]

Love your fics and arts (especially with Dazai in them). What do you think about these ships : dazai x fyodor , dazai × chuuya, dazai × odasaku? Which dynamics do you love the most? Why do you think soukoku is the most popular ships from BSD? Thanks if you want to answer.

Hello, thank you!! Especially with Dazai, they say, as if all of my work isn't basically about Dazai LMAO 😭

Here's what I think about the ships!!

Fyodor x Dazai: My favorite, which is probably clear to most who know my work. They have my favorite dynamic in general which is power imbalance/power play, in the fact that they're both trying to outwit one another at any given moment (badly ofc since it's stupid BSD logic), plus they've got that Hannibal vibe potential when I get my grubby hands on them. They are, of course, what I make them as a ship, so I personally value them as elitists fighting each other psychologically, which leads to violence and sometimes sex. Or violent sex. Probably only that.

Chuuya x Dazai: I'm really not interested in SKK past the fact that they get more engagement on my socials and Chuuya--as walking anger bomb--is an easy way to create angst and conflict when I write a fic for them. Because of this, they're fun, but only because of the increased potential to hurt Dazai with someone that I can portray as clumsy with feelings and constantly ready to fight.

Dazai x Odasaku: The ultimate soft-spoken hurt/comfort couple. I don't get to do a lot with them, but I'd like to do more. I love the age difference, the mellow personality of Oda vs. self-destructive Dazai, and the friendship that already exists between them in canon.

As far as why SKK is so popular, THAT'S EASY. PEOPLE ARE BASIC. No just kidding, it's just that the show literally ships them....soooooo.....it's very typical BL bait. (Bait is not bad) But having Chuuya literally BLOWJOB TEASE in Dead Apple sealed that deal with a kiss. Also they're old partners-now enemies WHICH ALWAYS GETS THE SHIPPERS' TWISTING THEIR PANTIES (the boys are also wearing panties in this scenario). It was inevitable from the beginning that people would become blind to all other men nearly making out with Dazai except Chuuya. But if you ask me, the real canon ship was always Fyozai, Chuuya's just the scorned ex.

[disaster-vampire]

pls talk about the shelf

i was desperately hoping someone would ask me to rant abt it akehdjshd i'm kissing you sweetly on the forehead anon

okay so if anyone sees this out of context: i have a shelf in my bookcase dedicated to hannibal. yes it's kind of like a weird little shrine but leave me alone.

be warned this is going get LONG.

so, it has the obvious: the hannibal books, the tv show box set, the tv show's cookbook, my fancy copies of the divine comedy (they're hardcover with gorgeous sleeves that have art printed on them to match each book), and i also have the iliad and the odissey in there in a single big book that i bought on a whim when out once and then after buying it i found out it also had the original greek alongside the italian translation and i lost my mind. i've never felt such pure joy and i can't even read greek. yet.

as for decorations, as of right now there's a piece of driftwood that is kinda shaped like an L so it stands up on its own and it also kinda resembles an antler.

there's this fuckin box, i don't even remember how i got it, but it's made of bones. it's shaped kinda like a stereotypical treasure chest but it's literally made of bones. the inside is lined with red velvet.

i'm not sure what else to decorate with? i've put in a seashell but it can't even be seen because the shelf has glass doors but the shell is covered by the frame (might move everything to another shelf where the frame is not in the way tbh just so i can decorate with tiny things at the front).

i just moved this whole thing from my other bookcase (i just got this new one today because i have too many books and in my first bookcase the shelves are literally bending with the weight of the books piled up on them) and when it was there i also had a teacup in there along with a lighbox that says "bone saw time! 🖤" but this new shelf feels very elegant and there's also not enough space for the lightbox. i also had a bust of dionysus there but i'm going to move it to my dionysus altar.

i've got an old scalpel somewhere too and i'll try to find a visible spot to put it. i also have 3 tiny japanese plates that were all given to me as gifts and some souvenirs from japan from a friend too but idk if i wanna put japanese stuff in there. like it's fitting but at the same time idk if it's disrespectful or not.

if i had money and more space i'd make this whole thing bigger and get like. a little frame with fly fishing lures like the ones will made in the show and maybe something like some ethically sourced taxidermy. a snake skeleton and a mongoose skull would be really cool. maybe i could print out a little something with lures instead of buying real ones and like. a fake death's head hawkmoth taxidermy. i'd need some of those shadowbox frames and i'd make it so the pictures stand out a bit from the back so it looks like they have shadows. bc like i'm fairly certain real death's head hawkmoths cannot be ethically sourced at this point in time because ever since silence of the lambs came out people have started going insane over them.

i think my grandpa has this framed thing somewhere with sailing knots made with actual ropes in it rather than just pictures. haven't seen it in ages so i'm not sure anymore if it was my grandpa's or someone else's. probably my grandpa since he was in the marines when military service was mandatory in italy but idk maybe i saw it somewhere else. i could print out a small picture with various illustrations of sailing knots.

i also have these cards that my aunt gave me at one point that have prints of a lot of famous paintings with descriptions in the back and i THINK one was the primavera. it was either that or the birth of venus i'll have to check but either way there's at least one botticelli in there. i don't like botticelli much tho so 🤷

i plan at some point to also get physical copies of all the movies but idk when that'll be since i've found a different box set for the tv show with gorgeous covers that i plan to buy as well. also of the ones i currently own i think one of the dvds stopped working bc it got scratched while inside my pc because i was pausing and rewinding/forwarding too much. we'll see i guess.

now for the rest of the books. i have a medical book in there called the abc of the human body. i think the title is kind of hilarious for a hannibal shelf. i just found out today while moving books back and forth from one bookshelf to the other that i actually have two copies of this book and one of them was owned by a doctor that died i think like 15 to 20 years ago. i have a few other medical books that said doctor also owned on the shelf above. he also owned the scalpel i mentioned before.

there's the book skulls by simon winchester, which is a collection of pictures of skulls from one of the biggest skull collections in the world, along with a few inserts on biology if i remember correctly? i originally bought it for art references and i LOVE the cover so i made sure it was facing forward in the shelf.

there's the resurrectionist, which is a sci-fi/fantasy book kind of in a frankenstein-esque vein where the main character is this made up doctor who manages to make some mythological creatures through surgery & digging up dead bodies and i won't spoil it any further. the second half of the book is a whole bunch of medical/biology style illustrations of said creatures, their skeletons, their muscles, how certain parts of their bodies would function (for example i believe it goes into explaining the lungs for both mermaids and harpies). i don't think it quite fits thematically with hannibal but i think it's got The Vibe so i put it in there.

there's a book on saint lucy, who is the patron saint of sight. i have it because i was born with my skull being asymmetrical and the doctors immediately told my family it would likely cause problems with my eyes, and so instead of, you know, starting to take me to eye doctors from a young age, they swore me to saint lucy and left it at that. i'm likely going to go blind on my left eye at some point in my life btw lmao thanks st lucy <3 i do like her though. i like her iconography a lot, she's always portrayed as holding a plate with her eyes on it.

there's damien by hermann hesse, which is one of my all time favourite books. it's written in first person and it starts with emil sinclair's childhood, explaining that he sees the world in a very black and white way, and does so very literally because he speaks of the world of light and the world of darkness, which are kind of meant as good and evil. but then something happens to him that starts blurring the clear line he thought was between the two, which sends him into a moral panic until he meets max demian, who starts to make him see that there's more to both sides. the story as he grows up follows his "corruption" into someone who is neither good nor evil. it has a lot of implied homoeroticism, as it was written i think either in the 20s or the late 1800s so it couldn't be explicit but it is very much there and is expressed mostly through demian's mother. there's also a weird cult thing going on and the ending is a bit ??? and honestly i need to read it again because for such a short book SO much happens that i'm having a hard time summarising it accurately.

the only other books i remember being there rn (it's 1am i'm not turning the lights on again) are dracula, because cannibal/vampire count with a big castle, the butchering art, and les fleurs du mal, plus two other books written in french that i haven’t read yet because my french isn't the best, whose titles i don't remember rn, and one in italian that i've found at a used books stall once but i believe it's from a local author and i've never seen it in a bookstore nor online so there's definitely no english translation of it. i still haven't read this one either and i don't even remember what it's about, it might be a poetry book? not quite sure. but yeah these few ones i haven’t read are there like. on trial. if i read them and find them fitting they'll stay otherwise they go to another shelf. i also haven’t read les fleurs du mal nor the butchering art yet, so the same applies to them. i think that's all of them? i plan to put my art history books and regular history books on the shelf above as well next to the medical books to kind of carry the theme over lol.

i would like to maybe someday get some of the books that we've glimpsed from the bookshelves on the show but this is it for now!

anyway. tysm for asking me about it dear anon. you said but a few words yet they meant the world to me <3

[surreality51]

Hi, I just wanted to say your ask to Emungere is the reason I have fallen in to the Fedal rabbit hole - so thank you!! I would NEVER have looked them up if I'm not following the Hannibal fandom and her Tumblr. I know next to nothing about tennis in real life but two days ago I saw the hand holding and shirtless posts (among others) from you...My heart just goes to Rafa :D I am now completely converted and wanted to read/watch everything about them. Any suggestions where I should start? Thanks!

Welcome, anon!

I just joined two months ago myself, so I'm new too, but so far everyone on tennisblr has been lovely. I've also delved headlong into Fedal, and there is a ton of great content you can sink your teeth into. I'll put everything I know in this long post, but tennis mutuals feel free to jump in with more recs!

Tumblr peeps

Cool people to follow on tumblr <-everyone on @hubillusion's list is awesome

@tennisandlife is another awesome blog to follow, even though they stopped posting in 2020. I literally spent 3 hours going through their archive, there is SO MUCH quality Fedal content.

@tennis-out-of-context is also fun, although it's not exclusively Fedal content.

Books on Federer and/or Nadal

Rafa: My Story by Rafael Nadal and John Carlin. A must-read for any Rafa fan. Rafa in his own words, through 2011. What I love most is getting Rafa's insights into his own game, his approach and preparation for matches, his journey.

The Master: The Long Run and Beautiful Game of Roger Federer by Christopher Clarey. Probably the most comprehensive Federer biography to date, published in August 2021. Clarey traces the development of Federer from boyhood to 2020 in an attempt to figure out the how and why of Federer. Along the way you get a lot of insights into Roger's game, his team, but Roger himself still remains somewhat inscrutable and untouchable. Not unlike the man himself. If you contrast this to the confessional approach in Rafa, where you actually get into Rafa's head, you could make the argument that the distance in The Master is due to the difference between biography vs autobiography, but I also think it's very fitting for Rafa's personality vs Roger's. Still, given the challenge of the task, Clarey does a commendable job in attempting to unravel Federer. A must-read for any Roger fan.

Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal: The Lives and Careers of Two Tennis Legends by Sebastian Fest (2018). This was the third book I read, and I assumed that it would retread much of the content from the other two books, but I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, the book rehashes many of the key moments in their rivalry, such as Wimbledon 2008, but it also covers a lot of the behind-the-scenes things that the other two books don't--things like the ATP Players Council and Roger/Rafa's political fallout in 2011-12, Rafa's knee injuries and treatments, how the anti-doping measures impact players, etc. A good supplement that gives an interesting view into the challenges of being a professional tennis player.

I haven't read the following yet, but I'm hoping to get my hands on them soon:

Roger Federer: The Biography by Rene Stauffer

The Roger Federer Effect: Rivals, Friends, Fans and How the Maestro Changed Their Lives by Simon Cambers, Simon Graf

Fedegraphica: A Graphic Biography of the Genius of Roger Federer by Mark Hodgkinson

(I love Rafa, but you can probably guess which half of Fedal comes out on top for me)

Fanfics

I'm not going to recommend specific fics, but rather favorite writers on AO3. Any Fedal from these writers is awesome, you can't go wrong.

Mystivy - everything from mystivy is the best. I just finished reading the "Joy" series, which is simply beautiful. Only parts 1 and 2 are written; part 3 looks like it was never posted so it's technically an incomplete series. 

emungere - you know emungere, so no need for me to explain how amazing her writing is. "Wild Card" is the fic I needed when I first dived into Fedal. You must be logged in on AO3 to view emungere’s tennis rpf.

rilla - "The Long Experience of Love" is probably my favorite Fedal fic overall, even though it's an abandoned WIP.

Serenade - mostly ficlets, but each one is incredibly insightful and makes you go "oof."  “Tennis Is Not A Game You Play Alone” has my favorite line from any Fedal fic: Rafa met his gaze, dark eyes unreadable. "I would rather lose to you," he said, "than win everything in a world where you never exist."

eliane - I haven’t actually read any of eliane’s fics but I’ve seen multiple recs, so this is next on my to-read list. Must be logged in to read on AO3.

louise_lux - I also haven’t read any of louise_lux’s solo work, but I read the joint fics she co-wrote with emungere and they were fuckin’ hot. Also on my to-read list.

Video

Strokes of Genius - feature-length documentary of the 2008 Wimbledon final. You can find it on YouTube (here's one link but not sure it works. I watched it on these links: part 1, part 2, part 3) Also the Rafa and Roger bonus features.

Rafael Nadal Academy - 4-episode documentary series on Amazon Prime. Takes you into the daily life and operations of Rafa’s tennis academy in Manacor. You meet the staff there and follow the stories of 8 students who are pursuing their tennis dreams. And of course you see Rafa in the episodes too, but it’s primarily about the academy. I wish they would do a season 2.

The bazillion videos from 2017, 2019, and 2022 Laver Cup on YouTube. Fedal played doubles in 2017 and 2022, and were supposed to play doubles in 2019 but Rafa got a wrist injury.

Roger Federer: Everywhere Is Home: documentary of Federer’s 2019 Latin America exhibition tour, produced by ESPN: Vimeo

Roger Federer: The Reunion: documentary of the 2020 Match in Africa charity exhibition match with Rafael Nadal. Available for rent or purchase on Vimeo

NBC/Credit Suisse documentary about the art installation project that Roger was part of: Portrait of a Champion

Rafa Nadal Academy’s Instagram has tons of videos and photos of Rafa as well. Here’s a video about when Roger visited the Academy for its grand opening in October 2016. You can find other videos from the grand opening on YouTube, like the press conference and speeches.

I want to say that there’s a 20-min or 40-min documentary about Federer vs Nadal in the 2017 Australian Open produced by AO Films or something like that, but I can’t find it now. :( Maybe other tennisblr folks can help? Found it!

YouTube also has highlights or full matches online. I recommend 2008 Wimbledon final, 2017 Australian Open final, and 2019 Wimbledon semifinal, and their associated press conferences/interviews.

Miscellaneous

ASAP Sports Transcripts does the English transcripts of pre & post-match press conferences for multiple sports, including tennis. Here’s the archive of Federer’s press conference transcripts and here’s Nadal’s.

Rafa’s diary from his old website (copied by someone on LiveJournal for posterity). 

I read somewhere that Rafa wrote a couple of tour diaries or blogs for the ATP tour way bay when as well, but I can’t find them. Tennis mutuals, any help? Is that the same as the link to Rafa’s diary from his old website?

Rafa Nadal Fans website - I haven’t really looked at this, but at first glance it looks like a ton of Rafa content.

Stalk Follow them on official social media accounts for Roger, Rafa, Severin Luthi, Rafa Nadal Academy, etc.

Tons of interviews and articles from major publications such as New York Times, Sports Illustrated, GQ, you name it. Just google “Roger Federer cover story” or “Rafael Nadal interview.” There’s also the tons of interviews and articles in Spanish, French (L’Equipe), German (Blick, Tages-Anzeiger), etc, some of which you can translate on Google Translate.

[h3rmitsunited]

Tag Game: Eight Shows to Get to Know Me

Tagged by @agent-p-94 Thanks for the tag! 🥰🥰

agent-p-94's post here

In order of nothing with added details no one asked for because I can't do anything without rambling on forever and I could talk about all these shows for literal hours (ask me to please, I'd love to):

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: My chaotic comfort show. Been watching for years and years and its always good for some stupid laughs at crazy insane horrible people doing the most whack ass shit imaginable. And like so many episodes so like endless watchability.

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency: Watched for the first time in Aug 2020 and while it isn't currently as severe a hyperfixation and obsession as it was when I first watched it, its leveled out to a more stable and steady love and appreciation and like come on, the fandom is great. Ya'll are the best.

In the Flesh: This show is beautiful and heartbreaking and has a permanent place in my heart. I end up rewatching it basically every year just because I just have to. It always makes me cry.

Dead Like Me/Pushing Daisies/Hannibal: I'm just going to combine all three of these Bryan Fuller masterpieces that were all cancelled too soon to be fair. All of them are special in their own way and I adore the unique comedy, the snappy and intelligent dialogue, the irreverent and unique takes on death, and the eccentric and wild characters. (I never finished Wonderfalls, the other main Bryan Fuller show, so its not on the list sorry lol).

The Good Place: Such a good show. I went into it the first watched through (back when it was just the first season out) and had no idea what to expect and it just... I mean if you've seen it you know what the first season puts you through... and what looks like a silly dumb show about dumb bad people in the afterlife becomes this wonderful show about humans learning and growing and changing even after their lives are over. It's about our duty to be kind and understanding to other people, about finding ways to live with the gray parts of morality. A comedy show that talks about ethics and moral philosophy throughout the whole show without it feeling like a big boring slog. And ends in such a beautiful way that makes my heart ache and makes me cry just remembering it.

Community: This show is great. It's hilarious. I love the characters. I love the like theme episodes and dumb comedy and the catch phrases and wacky nonsense. It's just fun and great.

Schitt's Creek: This is a show that's just fun to stick on in the background now that I've rewatched like multiple times and know the whole story. I love seeing the characters grow and learn and get closer to each other. The way that they love each other as a family and end up spreading that love to the town, how they find their places and its just a beautiful, silly, and heartwarming show. (Will never be over the loss of Ted and Alexis. They were so special together.)

Tied for the final place: Parks and Recreation, Merlin, Doctor Who: These are shows that had a major impact on me, but I haven't actually rewatched in a few years. I used to do so many watches of Parks and Rec and I still have a love for the show and Benslie is a true OTP. Merlin is great and I'll rewatch episodes here and there but it can be a bit of a slog getting through entire seasons especially knowing how it all ends (😭). And Doctor Who, I'll say probably was the show that made me end up here (on tumblr). I watched in 2012, freshman year of college not really knowing anything about fandoms or like forum places like this, ended up on Instagram to check out more Doctor Who pics and memes and saw a ton of screenshots of tumblr and then finally gave in to make my own account in 2013. And now it's 10 years later and I'm a disaster. So thanks a lot Doctor Who...

Tagging... uhhhhhhh.... idk @hbdttg @trash-mammall @mowi0205 @definesupposedtobe @lavinialost (but like no pressure just ignore this if you dont wanna) plus anyone else that wants to do it!

[littlethingwithfeathers]

ask meme - 18 and/or 24!

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they? I never specifically set out to emulate anyone in particular, but I can definitely see some influences on my work. When I'm writing descriptions, I see a lot of Tolkein and Jacqueline Carey surfacing. I am always one for plush over-describing, and while I dial it back occasionally for pacing, it doesn't happen often. I've been told my writing is indulgent and that is a compliment in my book. I also sense a lot of Laurell K. Hamilton in my writing. My dialogue is very pithy and sharp, especially if there's ever an internal monologue going. I tend to have a very dry sense of humor generally. Also, Chuck Palahniuk's style creeps in sometimes too. He can turn a phrase like a top but only use half the words anyone else does. It's great. 24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

Oh, it's definitely happened a few times. Probably the biggest standout is my Chernobyl fic "Intercalation" where I literally had a physics professor teach me nuclear physics because there were lectures on the same in the fic that were basically intricate and protracted metaphors. And like... I write MCU fanfic so I know all about handwaving science, but this involved a real event with real science going very wrong, so I needed to actually get it right. I read books on the Chernobyl disaster (partly for personal interest but also for the fic), and my physics professor friend (who teaches a section of physics specifically for liberal arts majors that focuses more on the philosophy and art of physics than all the math) would literally give me lectures on things like Cherenkov radiation, ionization of gases, radiation effects, and so on. Some of those lectures are even in the fic almost word for word. Other than that... it's happened here and there. Maybe not to that level, but I've definitely had to do some long Wikipedia trawls to make a fic go. My cooking game has definitely upped from writing all that Hannibal fic. My fic "Room for Rent in the Fourth Estate" required me to basically do investigative journalism into predatory recruitment tactics of the US military in poor school districts because Darcy needed data. I've had a few comments where people have said they had no idea those kinds of recruitment tactics were happening (I cited my sources) and did their own research! So hey... win-win there! Right now I'm deep diving into the history of computer viruses and hacking for a -possible- Matrix fic I'm rewriting/writing from back in 2003. I make no promises that it'll ever see the light of day, but I definitely know more about the Love Bug Virus than I ever did before. Thank you for the asks, lovely!

[distort-opia]

I have always asked myself why do you ship batjokes? What is the appeal for you with this ship? You like bruce a lot, so why ship him with joker? I am just very, very curious.

Hi! From your question it seems like you associate having a favorite character solely with wanting them to be happy or wanting them to have nice things, which... yes, but also you have to keep in mind that half of Tumblr means this when they say they like a character:

Which I very much relate to, personally. Bruce Wayne is my favorite character of all time, but I specifically like to read/write about him going through the Horrors.

Shipping Bruce with Joker... well. Perhaps you're familiar with Hannibal NBC, and Hannigram? Death Note, and Lawlight? Or more recently, Interview with the Vampire and Loustat? I could list some more enemies-to-lovers, but it's the same principle. Two bastards who deserve each other and should not inflict themselves on anyone else, hand in unlovable hand.

Still, I appreciate that you're asking me this in good faith, so I'll try to explain in more detail. I got long, so I'll put my answer under the cut. Just a heads-up: there's mention of abuse, depression and some discussion of suicidality (stuff that tends to come up with more in-depth talk of Batjokes in comics), so take care.

While the ships I mentioned also have a portion of fandom going "But A is the good guy! Why would he care about B, who kills people and only seems to make them suffer?", that portion is larger when it comes to Batjokes. Bruce Wayne is Batman-- he's supposed to be a hero, the father figure of a large family, a symbol of hope. And there's a lot to be said about a more idealized or fanon version of Bruce, and the gap between it and the one depicted in comics. But I'm mentioning this gap because it tends to be connected with an unwilligness to deal with, or even acknowledge, Bruce's dark side.

Bruce struggles with violent tendencies, with an unbelievable amount of anger, with control issues, with paranoia and self-hatred and issues with intimacy. He's terrifyingly intelligent and also incredibly manipulative when he wants to be. He's canonically been abusive to his adopted children and he's canonically been shown to have quite the sadistic streak. And while I understand why some fans see this as bad writing (to be fair, sometimes it just is), reinterpret parts of it or pretend it doesn't exist... it is there, and it is a pattern. Many of these darker aspects of Bruce's personality are a result of how he's processed his trauma-- refusing to heal is literally the fuel for being Batman. But refusing to face his grief has consequences, and some of them inevitably end up ricocheting off his loved ones; though I am saying this as an explanation, not an excuse.

The way he's been written seems to have spawned two larger attitudes in Tumblr fandom, varying in degree and nuance: either refusing to deal with Bruce's dark side, or only seeing his dark side and hating his character entirely. And obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and preference, as long as they respect others'. But to me personally, it's never been black-and-white. One of the best parts about Bruce's character is the very conflict at the heart of him... because despite everything I mentioned, Bruce always tries to do better. He's also empathetic and compassionate; he hungers for love and for connection, and he constantly tries to help people and do good. In my eyes, that's what Batman is about: never giving up. You fail, but you get back up and you try again. You might be struggling with so many things threatening to drag you under, but you make the effort to do good. To me that's deeply inspirational, specifically because it's not second nature to Bruce.

If you prefer a version of Bruce that doesn't have much of a dark side, Batjokes is likely not something you'll enjoy. Bruce caring about Joker is very much connected to it. He deeply relates to Joker because their identities are both born out of their traumas. They could have become the other, and that's a level of closeness and intertwining that cannot be understated. In the face of their loved ones being taken away, Bruce and whoever Joker used to be made choices in the opposite direction. Bruce chose to force meaning onto the world and be defined by his past. He chose to channel his anger into ensuring no one else goes through what he went through. Joker had the same anger, but he chose to erase his own past and burn the world down instead. He chose to ensure everyone else goes through the same horror he went through, to prove nothing has meaning.

And this is, at the end of the day, the reason why Batman never lets Joker die, even when it doesn't make sense. Joker's existence makes Bruce feel less alone-- and yes, it is very selfish of him to choose this over the lives of others and despite what Joker has done, but it is what it is. I've seen people discredit this notion of Joker being Batman's friend as stupid, because Bruce already has so many allies and such an extensive Family; how could he feel alone? He already has so many relationships, people he cares about and who care about him. But... that's never how it works, is it? You don't choose to feel the way you feel. Bruce loves the people around him, and those relationships ground him in very meaningful ways, but that doesn't make the darkness disappear. He wishes it did. But his choice to be Batman is a choice to keep hurting, like I just described. It sets him apart. And the line it puts him on, the things he's balancing, are things Joker intimately understands. Joker is his shadow and his creation, his negative. Bruce's anger and his sadistic violence get channeled in his relationship with Joker, and the worse Joker gets the better Batman has to become, and viceversa. I see it a bit like magic (and Bruce does too, when he talks about how he's afraid that if Joker disappeared, Gotham would send him someone worse). You cannot perform magic without it exacting a price, and the price for Bruce's good is Joker's evil. Lives are saved, but then lives are taken away.

What I am describing here is the appeal of the ship to me. In many ways, romantic is not nearly enough to describe it; I'm just fascinated by their dynamic, any form it takes. Batman and Joker have been opposites and narrative foils for almost a century, and I'll probably never run out of stuff to analyze (yay!). There's so many stories with them, so many different incarnations of them, so many layers and complications that their dynamic has accumulated, simply by virtue of how old and mythical they have become.

The more accurate description for them is probably soulmates, but the most painful kind-- destined to always meet but to always be at war, never able to kill the other or let the other go, because they are two sides of the same coin. And there's an attraction to not being able to let go, no matter how high the bodies pile up. Bruce can't kill Joker without losing himself, and he can't let Joker die. Joker can't kill Batman or let him die without losing his life's meaning. No matter what, the other is always there. They hate and resent this connection plenty, but at the end of the day, the other's existence is an essential comfort they can't run away from.

And thing is, Bruce sacrifices so much for his crusade as Batman. He sacrifices his very childhood and self, his potential happiness; he distances himself from his loved ones and he pushes them away. He represses as much as he is able to so he can go on, so he can save as many people as possible, so he can rewrite the trauma that broke him. But he chases Joker. He obsesses over Joker like over no one else. He chooses to keep Joker alive, even when it hurts his Family and even when it leads to more and more death.

Joker is a connection he selfishly chooses, and doesn't run away from, especially because it hurts. Both Bruce and Joker are self-hating and suicidal, so they allow themselves this one thing precisely because it's destroying them both. Yet, no matter what, part of Bruce sees in Joker someone who suffers, someone who understands, and he keeps trying to reach out to him because of it. It's not just the worst parts of Bruce that resonate with Joker. It's also his hope. Somewhere deep down he can't let go of the idea that maybe, Joker could be better, and if Joker could be better, maybe he could be better too.

...I guess I ship them because I want Bruce to get what he wants. Whether it's dying alongside Joker in a cave, or them helping each other heal, in spite of everything (both of these are plots for stories Scott Snyder has written, hah). Because the thing about Batjokes is that they're perhaps the only people on Earth who could get the other to stop. The easiest way is the way they've already chosen-- by being the one to kill the other. They both see death as the ultimate form of peace, a laying down of arms. But there's also the reverse; the possibility of a world in which neither of them has to die. A world in which they're not each other's preferred method of suicide, but in which they actually learn to live again, helped by the other.

I tend to oscillate between the two. I like Batjokes as an unmitigated tragedy with a course that cannot be diverted, and I like Batjokes as the most unlikely path to a form of peace. Both can provide catharsis in different ways. On a symbolic level, Joker is fighting for meaninglessness and Batman is fighting for meaning; Joker asks, "What is the point?" and Batman answers, "The fight is the point." On an individual level, they're both depressed and suffering from PTSD and always a hairbreadth away from self-destruction, but they keep each other alive, no matter how much it hurts. You can probably imagine how this ship can be a comfort, for people with similar struggles.

I do hope this satisfied your curiosity, Anon. Batjokes might still not be your cup of tea and that's okay, but as someone who likes to read about other ships and the psychology behind them, I hope this was at least a fun read. You seem like you're familiar with my blog already, but just in case you want to seek out canonical instances of what I am describing, I can point you to this compilation of Bruce's side of things that mentions part of what I say here, but also delves into comics. And my Batjokes meta tag is full of similar stuff, some detailing Joker's side too.

[olderthannetfic]

so, what do queer people who work in big media (like Gatiss) generally view as representation? I imagine they might be less focused on romance than us queer shippers on tumblr and ao3, but what are other notable differences?

--

Well, this is my own opinion, you understand, not some objective Truth, but I see a lot of more mainstream tastes, just gay.

There tends to be more focus on a lead character. Romance is in the form of the lead+love interest(s). If Representation™ is the aim, the focus is on what it means to be a cis gay man or cis lesbian in the real world.

Not only is fandom obsessed with ships rather than individual characters, but fandom also tends to be more interested in identities with unclear boundaries. Fandom tends to be better on bisexuality. Fandom is a trillion times more likely to play internalized homophobia for iddy hotness or to have a character whose real sexual proclivities are a surprise to either the audience or to themselves. Fandom loves pining and romance built on decades of friendship. (Strong demisexual vibes around these parts, if you ask me, though pining is a fave with all sorts.) There's that vibe like the art says it's about cis gay/bi men, but it's really about gender or it's really about transness. It's not that it's not queer, but it's much less literal and direct. (Drag is also like this, FWIW, but aside from reality tv, most mainstream queer art with a big budget is not about drag.)

It's certainly not a hard and fast division, especially between fandomy tastes and AFAB creators. It's just that some fans assume that cis gay men will naturally share AO3 fandom's BL-y tastes, and this is often not the case. What little I've seen of Hannibal seems a lot closer to fandomy stuff than usual with the unclear boundaries of identity and feelings. Some of the cable shows will have little moments, like Penny Dreadful springing the Ethan/Dorian scene on us. Frankly, I think horror tends to do queerness closer to how fandom does. A lot of the gap is between drama/litfic and horror/romance/genre as much as it is between one type of creator and another.

A certain amount of media by cis gay men is like "Here is the hero, Gay-ry Stu, going about his gay life in the gayborhood", which is just not what BL tends to look like.

Basically, I would expect creators like Gatiss to make gay art where there is a central gay man who we know is a gay man from the beginning of episode 1. I would expect that guy to have a love interest or a bad relationship or some people he sleeps with (depending on the genre) and for these other characters to have much less focus or be much less the POV.

I would not expect this type of creator to make an epic friendship show where both halves are really central and to then suddenly reveal that the feelings are romantic or sexual way far into the show. They might make Moonlighting-but-gay about a will-they-won't-they central lead pair if it was set up as that from the start, but I'm not holding my breath.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I think there's something interesting in that horror observation. As a genre, it tends to like messy boundaries and sudden personal revelations.

[rinadragomir]

Okay let's talk about it🤗✨

So Cassandra Clare posted that Fairstairs art yesterday or sth where Cordelia was obviously whitewashed. We all know what art was that🤷🏼‍♀️

So people started being mad about which is obviously fair cause it was our first official chot art and that's what we got. What happened next:

People posted these CJ's arts talking about whitewashing. ⚠️As a person who spent LOTS of years being a part of tsc fandom, I remember that these ones were created around 6 years ago, before the first book came out, cause Cordelia was supposed to be a white girl⚠️And that's what i said. Did i support new fairstairs art? No, but if you don't believe me, you can always read what i said.

⚠️Next thing: i defended CJ saying that it's CC who controls how these characters should be depicted.⚠️Why i did it: cause that person spent years and years creating beautiful arts for this fandom, adding those works to whitewashing post seemed weird.

My fault: i focused my words more on protecting CJ. That's absolutely true, i said that new Fairstairs art is a fckn joke, but for some people who also have emotions, my answer looked like I don't care about the whole point of the post. That's not true at all and for that I really wanna apologize.

⚠️Next thing: people who really know me and cared about me showed me some of CJs arts where Cordelia has a really really dark skin and some of her weird answers about "why cordelia always has different skin colour on different arts" (she didn't take it seriously). AND THEN i saw that CJ is problematic. WHITE PEOPLE ARE STUPID AND NEED TIME TO EDUCATE THEMSELVES DUH and i really appreciate those people who just explained everything. Now i know that it was wrong to defend CJ that time.🤝

Was it too late? Of course it was🤗 Did i say that we deserve new versions of Cordelia AND Alastairs flower cards? Yes, and you can find it. Did people notice? Of course not, it's not that entertaining✨💅Happy Hunger Games🤤

Was i stupid when i started talking about CJ when the post was about CC? YES OF COURSE literally no ones surprised)))))

Am i gonna apologize to those 6-7 people i dont even know (lmao who are they really), who started to send 535842 hate asks to my friends (wishing them death of course?) when i didn't even insult anyone? I'm so sorry you were left without an individual apology letter. It will happen again ❤️

Oh and FUN STORY ABOUT ME BEING TRANSPHOBIC, that's really entertaining 👻

For the record: I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, CIS BOY/GIRL, TRANS BOY/GIRL, NON BINARY, SAD SEAGULL you're always welcomed on this page, it's not a cheap drama channel🤗

So remember that day when that fantastic beasts trailer came out? It's a short story:

I, person who never even watched any of these movies (talking about fb not hp), saw that Mads is playing grindewald. AS A HUGE HANNIBAL STAN ( i love this fandom too much, you don't understand), i was like: lmao mads just can't stop playing evil gay killers🤣😭

And i made a post about it (i didn't even tag hp, only mads, grindewald and hannibal)

BUT UNFORTUNATELY I'M TOO FUNNY😌 so it became popular. That day Mads deleted his inst page and i made a post saying: STOP WISHING HIM DEATH, THAT BITCH ROWLING IS ALL YOURS, SAY IT TO HER CAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE DESERVES.🤬 People started making posts "one note - one terf dies" and one kid tagged me and told their friends I'm a terf and I was UPSET YOU KNOW but again

As a person who spent lots of time here i just know that justifying yourself is a useless thing, cause people see what they wanna see. They don't understand that some might really commit su*cide. (But not me, you can't hurt me if I don't have a soul😌)

👉This post was made for 3 reasons:

1 - to clarify this situation for those who still don't understand what's going on.📍The thing is: some people who follow me now receive million asks where people wish them death, so if you don't feel safe please just UNFOLLOW ME cause I'm worried. And if you stay, please turn off anon asks for a while, people only send hate when they can hide.

2 - explain what really happened, so you can hear it from me, NOT MY WORDS DISTORTED BY OTHER PEOPLE WHO JUST ENJOY ALL OF THIS~~~

3 - I'm done with my uni homework and i can't find any good new kdrama and i love writing😌But honestly, I'm just too worried about people on here that i really care about, SEND ALL THIS SHIT TO ME, NOT THEM, I'M GONNA ENJOY IT OKAY. I'm not afraid to lose followers it's not the end of the world when you actually have rl friends✨

Please feel free to share your thoughts, any opinion is important 🌼

Love y'all~