#a 5 week break is gonna be brutal knowing that we probably only have like
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moonpaw · 2 years ago
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well.
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longhands-the-second · 1 year ago
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Trimax vol. 5
This is a solid 30% “what will they do with this in Stampede?”
1- “this time of year”… what are seasons like there? Are they distinct at all???
OH. YIKES. JULY. I was wondering why we were starting here.
God, I hate to think of how many people Vash has lost over the years.
For him to openly weep is heartbreaking, knowing how often he just shuts down instead.
Im fucking stoked to see what they do with midvalley in stampede, if anything.
Meryl is leaving this whole thing fundamentally changed i think. Just a hunch.
2- This is maybe a little unclear? I see the vision though.
I fucking love manga milly you go girl
GOD DAMN IT VASH he keeps getting hit and it makes me sad
Ballerina wolfwood
Am. Am i gonna start simping for wolfwood now? Is this how it happens?
3- oh. Oh boy. That sure is a title page
I’m still so mad they stole ww’s nose in stampede. It’s so pretty.
Wolfwood being protective of people. That is all. :)
OH OH OH ITS HAPPENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM STAY FUCKING CALM
This is the first time that we’ve seen this w/o Knives’ direct involvement- is this something that just happens when he’s at his wit’s end? Has it happened before? (Is it just compounding recent events???)
Bevridge Bitch is here and his vibes are as rancid as ever
How recent was July? He has most of the same scars.
Man they really just took the sleeve off of his coat. Worst thing that happens here, surely (<- coping)
Nvm the sleeve magically reappeared.
Girl seriously though what the *Fuck*
Could he just not do it before? Is this knives doing it *for* him???
“Seeds”?
Oh no. Oh this is even worse than last time. Ick.
Somehow this is more explicitly uh. Y’know.
EW EW EW EW
Dude phrase that literally any other fucking wayyyyyy I’m screaming crying throwing myself out of the window
Vash didn’t answer. I think this is the only iteration that wouldn’t. Then again that might be entirely circumstantial.
DAMN.
4- I took a week long break after the last chapter. I WAS ahead but uh. Stuff and things. So i may have some rereading to do.
SO WAIT HOLD ON DOES TOUCHING THE FEATHERS LET YOU SEE HIS MEMORIES AND SHIT?
I wonder if wolfwood’s gotten his sight back? Is that gonna be recurring or was it just a brief thing?
God this is so fucked up. Poor Meryl is probably losing it
Midvalley continues to fascinate me. What he’s saying makes sense but like. Damn.
Oh fucking god damn it get this guy out of here i don’t want him
What the hell am i even looking at right now
LEGATO YOU BASTARD
5- i hate to say it but i was kind of rooting for midvalley? I wanted to see more of him at least. Fuckin brutal way to go.
Oh is this why zazie is like. Extra androgynous in stampede? Fully support this actually.
I don’t think any character gets under my skin the way legato does. Knives is a close second, but there’s just something about the type of cruelty he exhibits. It’s not quick or to the point. He lets that shit simmer on purpose. It’s not about power anymore, it’s about maximum suffering. For himself, too. It’s gross.
MERYL!!!!
Legato sticks his leggy out real far. Fr though those are spindly as all hell
I’m not sure how much of the angel arm use is Vash making a conscious decision? Guess we’ll find out later. (EDIT: or not damn. He’s so quiet about it.)
Ah. Elendira. Will i love you or hate you?
6- i swear i can feel the panic coming off of the page here
I wonder how much more shit happened with knives that we just haven’t seen yet. How much of it does Vash remember?
Is this happening in his head right now? Is that why his arm is extra fucked up?
I find myself wondering at this moment if the original japanese was more or less derogatory about elendira and tbh i’m just gonna stop thinking about it now.
I can already tell im gonna be obsessed with her dynamic with knives though. They both seem so over it in a way that i can only describe as “the only two queer people working at the McDonald’s.” This is in no way related to any personal experiences i may have had, pinky promise. (Me and that manager were like. Work besties.)
She’s so fucked up i love her already.
UGH UGH UGH BE NICE TO HIM DAMN IT.
EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO THEM MAN. (He’s not obligated to but holy shit do you know how much that had to fuck Meryl up?)
Yeah, i see where the japanese Rem headcanon comes from. The vibes are there.
End notes (semi related to the actual content):
- I am DYING to know how they’ll deal with the Earth ships. Can’t just start that plot thread and just destroy them. I mean, it could happen, but like. Why?
- Forever yelling about biblically accurate Vash. I’ll draw him at some point given the time and energy. I REALLY want to know how/if they’ll handle it in stampede- we sort of got it, sort of didn’t? I’d love to see that pushed further.
- I WILL FINALLY POST ANOTHER GOD DAMN COLORING THIS WEEK. It took me a full month so it’s from an earlier volume but i’m very excited to share! It *should* be done by Friday (questionable way to celebrate given the content) ((maybe I’ll post vash in the babygirl pose as a treat)).
- I got my silly little wwvd bracelet and wore it with my Vash cosplay this last weekend. It genuinely makes me smile every time i see it lol. Real mood booster through con crunch, too. (Also, shoutout to the vash cosplayers at akaicon who definitely won’t see this lol. I almost asked them if they were in on the bookclub based on conversations we had but I chickened out.)
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butmakeitgayblog · 1 year ago
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TLFOAH is so full of gorgeousness that I can’t wait for the final (!) episode next week and dreading the end of it as well. The depth of acting from the entire cast, the lush cinematography, the extraordinary Aussie landscape … it’s one of those rare series where both the actors and everything else are lovingly washed in beautiful light despite the heavy theme. It’s a pity that so much more of the book didn’t make it to the screen. That said, may this role open bigger doors for our favorite dork to stretch her acting muscles!
It really is one of the most gorgeous shows I've seen in so long. These days everything's about CGI and shock value and annoying af editing making things dark to the point you can't see shit, but this is just so filled with life. And there fact that it's a vehicle for such a brutal story is... I love the contrast. I love the underlying feeling it gives you. As a viewer, it doesn't try and manipulate you into this subliminal message of "abuse and pain only go with gritty darkness and the shame of shadows." I appreciate that.
And honestly this story could be dissected so many ways, probably half of which is just me arbitrarily assigning meaning to things that may not be intentional but Idgaf, I still could. I think eventually I am going to break down and read the book and that'll be a whole new level of pain having seen this portrayal of the characters and then mentally picturing how much worse it is as it goes. I'm a glutton for punishment, what can I say.
But anyway, yeah the acting has been amazing. I fucking hate Dylan with a fiery passion which I think speaks to how well the actor is playing such an easily kind of caricature-ish or dissmissable character. Sorry Sebastián, gonna hate your face forever 😅. Twig is just phenomenal and my second favorite character hands down. Sigourney, I mean. C'mon. We all knew she was gonna kill it. The complexity alone. And the woman who plays Candy Blue, adore her too.
And of course, our girl. Without hesitation, this is the best performance she's given since Lexa. And the fact that she's standing out among some real vets around her makes me so happy to see. Because, again, Alice could've been such an annoying fucking character in the wrong hands. I just know if someone had this role they would've played it in a way that would've pissed me off so bad 🥴 but she does a great job of walking the line between naivété and strength; being broken and a fighter.
I genuinely cannot wait to see what next episode will be because I feel like she has to leave for the pics and scenes we've seen to make sense. I mean, it's so painfully obvious this show should've been longer by AT LEAST 3-5 more episodes, but whatever. And I cannot wait to see this Alice rise from the ashes
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Gonna lose my shit over her I already know it
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miekasa · 3 years ago
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mie….could we please get college au eren headcanons👉🏽👈🏽
Of course. I’m always thinking about his big head anyway <33 might as well put it good use.
One thing he learned in college is how to make his hyperfocus/fixation episodes work for him; that’s why he schedules all his classes as close together as possible. He’d rather have class back to back for 5 hours, than have it spread out with hours in between lectures, because that increases his changes of cutting.
You can always tell when he’s in class and/or what class he’s in by how much he responds to your messages. If he doesn’t text back at all, he’s in a class that hard or one he enjoys, or both. But if he’s sending you iMessage games, then you know he’s in his elective that he couldn’t care else about (and is probably cheating in someway somehow lmfao). 
He usually puts his phone on dnd when he’s in a class that’s important, but you’re in his favorite contacts, so your messages always ring through. What if it’s an emergency and you need him for something? Advanced Roots of Human Biology can wait. 
Some days there are one or two our breaks between his lectures, that’s just how the scheduling works out. When that happens, he usually sneaks into one of your lectures, or goes to your place to take a nap. Your roommates have become accustomed to him, honestly they’ve been considering giving him a key. 
Once, he didn’t realize that your lecture was basically a seminar, with you, the prof and maybe six other students. He still stayed lmao, and the prof was so amazed by his dedication, that she didn’t even mind. Occasionally, you’ll catch the two of them talking after lecture. It’s pretty cute the way she’s adopted him into the class even tho he’s not on the roster. 
You... have to show him where the library is lmfao. He genuinely has not stepped foot in one until you bring him to one. He likes it tho lmao once he gets used to it. 
Speaking of which, do not give him standard directions to find your classes on campus because all you’ll get is, “Babe, I’m gonna keep it real with you, I’ve never heard of the ‘West Quad’ a day in my life. What building are you near.”
He usually comes to see you in the library after all his lectures are done for the day. Sometimes he does homework, sometimes he’s just fucking around on his computer, sometimes he’s just bothering you. When you have to leave to go to class, he stays behind to watch your stuff so you don’t have to pack everything up and come back. 
Very protective when it comes to keeping your seat for you. No, you cannot take that chair to your table you good for nothing freshman; it’s reserved for you. 
He’ll drag you out of the library if you’ve been cooped up all day, tho. Eren will use his height and his strength against you to get you up. Placates you with kisses when he sees your angry expression, and promises to buy you food.
He takes your backpack for you when you’re walking together,m. His backpack is frustratingly light all the time, even during midterms. You swear all he’s got in there is a pencil and some flashcards. 
If you have night classes, he sticks around to walk you home after, especially in the winter when it gets dark faster. If he’s not already on campus, he’ll walk/drive back to meet you; he just doesn’t like you going home alone. Even if your friend/roommate is in the class with you, Eren will walk or drive the both of you home for his own sanity. 
He plays sports, so he usually has practice most evenings, but he’ll find a way to make time. If practice was particularly brutal, he’ll probably crash at your place.
He loves it when you come to meet him after practice. His whole face lights up and he waves obnoxiously, before he gathers up his stuff and all but sprints towards you. You get a cold water bottle to the face, or a bit of water splashed on you usually, which he takes immense amusement in. 
He knows it’s not possible for you to make it to all of his games, and usually it doesn’t bother him much; you’ve got your own life, and work to worry about. All he asks is that you wear his jersey, or any item of his sports apparel/merch on game day (he’s partial to hoodies).
By the time junior year rolls around, he’s not all that interested in attending parties that aren’t hosted by your friends; so, unless it’s at Connie, Jean, or Reiner and Bertholdt’s place, Eren will usually decline. Even team parties, he’s not crazy about unless it’s to celebrate a championship or something. He’d much rather celebrate with you. 
He does get excited about hosting parties though, and he and Jean become pretty damn good co-hosts. They don’t throw ragers, and that’s probably why Eren likes it so much. It’s usually your friend group and a couple plus ones, some good music, games, weed, and take-out. 
He’ll buy you coffee whenever you ask for it. The first time, he just orders something plain, not really knowing the difference between anything; but give it two or three tries, and he’ll get it perfect. He becomes so good that he can order you something new/different and you’ll love it. 
That’s kind of the start of his own coffee addiction, and more often than not, when he buys you a cup, he’s on his second or third of the day himself. The flavor has really grown on him, okay. 
He much prefers your apartment, but on occasion, he’ll ask you to come to his. You’ve been studying for so long, a change of environment should do you good, he claims. He’s a fucking liar tho because that’s all Eren Talk for “I do genuinely want you to come over, but my plans are to coerce you out of doing your assignments and doing me instead.”
Lmfao he adds you on Apple Watch Rings just so you can see him close his rings every day and laugh at you. Even if yours get closed by virtue of walking around campus or working out or whatever, his numbers are stupidly high because he fucking has practice at least 4 days of the week. 
Of course when you’re running on a soccer field for 2 hours every day, you close your Move Ring five times, Eren. Leave the rest of us alone. 
He buys you guys matching accessories for your keychains. It’s something pretty cute, and slightly random, but it reminded him of you. It also serves as a reminder to himself to take his fucking keys with him when he leaves his house. 
He sleeps like a fucking rock, so do not let him fall asleep in the library. Waking him up is a mission, and he’s never happy to be woken up. He looks kinda cute tho. 
He schedules dates for you and his friends. Usually by accident, but hear me out. Sometimes he’ll make plans with Armin, then forget that he has class or a test or something; so his solution is to text you, “hey, i forgot min and i were supposed to go some aquarium tomorrow but i have a midterm so here’s the pdf of my ticket, go with him for me, thanks babe love u” then, boop, you and Armin have an aquarium date Friday evening. 
The same thing happens with Mikasa, though, she usually catches the scheduling conflict before Eren does, and invites you out herself. You and Mikasa hang out quite a bit anyway, so it comes to the point where she tells you when she’s gonna hang out with Eren, so you can make yourself free for when he inevitably remember he has a game that day. 
Mikasa is most amazed that you’ve put up with Eren this long lmao. You’ve certainly lessened her Eren & Armin babysitting hours, and for that she’s eternally grateful. Also, she’s just happy to have another close friend. She loves Eren and Armin, but they’re not the most social beings, and she was literally their only friend besides the other for all their childhood PLEASE she’s so happy you’re around. 
It’s Mikasa, however, who babysits you and Eren whenever you both get too drunk. Says you guys are two peas in a pod (affectionate<2)
If you tell Eren something important that happened, like an internship you got, or a good grade in a class, or something, he usually relays that information to his mom pls. He texts her every day, and if she doesn’t ask for an update on you first, he gives her one.
Carla calls you sometimes, too. At least once every few weeks, just to check on you herself. She really likes you for Eren, and is grateful someone is willing to put up with her hotheaded son. 
Eren’s always using your fucking chapstick. Always. You know he has his own, so why he needs to use yours is beyond you. Finds time to make some dumbass comment about how it’s an “indirect kiss” every time he uses it too. Like bro, we’re dating, and have had many direct kisses why are you like this.
He posts on Instagram every few weeks or so, but you’re on his story every few days. Usually, it’s just a video of you minding your business and doing your work while Eren slowly zooms in before making some loud noise to surprise you, all so he can get your reaction on video and laugh at it. He’s annoying. 
He’s a bit of a copycat when it comes to the products you use. He’ll buy the same brand of pens as you (for that matter, all of his school supplies mirror yours because what does he know about the difference between A4 and A5 notebooks?), put a little hand sanitizer on his backpack like yours (and a lotion, too, for good measure), he even copies your Starbucks order until he finds one he likes for himself. It’s one of his love languages <3
If you’re wondering where your eyelash curler went, Eren stole it to try it on himself, hurt himself, vowed to never use it again, went back because he wanted to “do it right and not give up,” liked the results when he didn’t pinch his eyelid, and now it’s his. 
That being said, stop trying to put your Fenty lipgloss on him, it’s never going to happen. Eye makeup, maybe, only if you sit in his lap and he can have his hands on your ass while you do it. 
What he does love is letting you do his skincare. He will set aside dedicated skincare nights, he adores it. Easily one of his favorite things ever. 
You have his wallet. Not because he’s your sugar daddy or anything (although, if you want something, he’d definitely let you use his card to get it; and even if you bought something without asking, he wouldn’t think twice about it), but because he put it in your bag once and never took it out. 
When you tried to give it back, he just shook his head and told you to keep it, “I have my ID in my phone case anyway, and you’re less likely to lose it. Plus I put all my cards on Apple Pay, so I’m good.”
When you do make it to a game of his, he’s all over you when it’s over. Not in a cocky athlete boyfriend kind of way; in a very sleepy boyfriend kind of way. He’s usually got ice on at least one part of his body, and he’s got half his body weight on you as you walk to the car. 
By the time you guys get back to your place, he’s practically sleep walking. The only thing on his mind is taking a hot shower to soothe his muscles, and heading to bed. The aftermath of game days aren’t all that bad though, because even if you didn’t show, you’re always there to kiss him when he’s home and massage his shoulders, and cuddle him to sleep; and that’s his favorite part. 
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massivedrickhead · 3 years ago
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Bechloe Week 2021 - Day 5
July 30th: “You don’t know who I am, do you?”
Read on AO3
This is heavy heavy angst. It’s pretty sad (imo) and also kinda long. So, you know, read at your own risk.
-
With a throbbing in her hip, and a tight pain across her chest, Beca eased herself out of the cab she’d taken, and looked up at the entrance to Barden Nursing Home.
Although she visited several times a week, it seemed like they added more stairs each time she came.
“Can I give you a hand ma’am?”
“Well that depends, Raheem,” Beca said. Her voice wasn’t as strong as it had once been, but anyone who knew her could still detect the bite of sarcasm that filled almost every sentence. “Are you going to call me ma’am again, or are you going to call me Beca?”
Raheem smiled at her from his driver side window.
“Come on Mrs Mitchell, I can’t call you that. What would my grandmother say if she knew I was disrespecting my elders?”
Beca laughed and shook her head. “If you insist.” She held out an arm for him to take, and he left his cab immediately.
Truthfully, she didn’t think she’d make it up on her own anymore.
The doctor had given her a year, give or take, but she knew her own body.
This would be her last visit to Barden Nursing Home.
“Do you want me to wait with the cab?” Raheem asked when they reached the entryway.
“No, no,” Beca said. “The girls are meeting me here, they can drive me home.”
“I’ll see you next week then?”
Probably not. “I’ll give you a call.”
Raheem was Beca’s favourite driver and he happened to be the owner of the cab company, so he always made sure he was the one to drive Beca to her destination.
His mother had been a fan of hers, he’d told her during one of their first journeys, which made her feel older than she was. Or older than she thought she was. It still surprised her when she looked in the mirror and saw an old lady looking back at her.
She didn’t really recognise herself anymore.
Now that her hair was grey, her back slightly hunched, her joints sore and swollen.
They had taken her drivers licence a few years back due to her deteriorating eyesight, and her hearing wasn’t what it was.
And now her lungs were shot. Her liver. Her heart.
Her body was failing her, worsening by the day.
She was in almost constant pain, but she still had her mind. Her mind remained as sharp as it ever was.
For that, she was grateful.
Most of the time, anyway.
Leaning on a cane, with a bunch of flowers in her other hand, she made her way through the reception area.
“Morning Beca,” one of the nurses greeted her warmly. “She’s in her room today, didn’t feel like being social.”
“Thanks hun,” Beca replied. “How is she?”
“One of her better days.”
Good, Beca thought. That’s good.
If today was going to be her last visit, she wanted it to be a good one.
She knocked on door 216, and waited for a response.
“Come in,” came a voice that was both achingly familiar yet totally alien.
“Hi,” Beca said, smiling warmly as she entered the room.
Chloe was sitting in a chair by the window, a blanket over her knees.
Her once red hair was now silver, tied in a neat ponytail. She was still looking outside, but Beca knew her bright blue eyes were now milky and flat. Clouded.
Chloe turned to face her visitor.
“Can I help you?”
Beca felt something hard lodge itself in her chest.
She would never get used to this feeling. She never wanted to get used to this feeling.
She waited for a sign of recognition. A smile or a twinkle, but there was nothing.
Chloe simply looked at her with a patient curiosity.
Well, Beca thought. That’s that, then.
“I was just wondering if you would like some company? I’m new here and I don’t really know anyone.” She placed the flowers in an empty vase of water that she knew the nurses had left there for her, like they did every time she visited.
“Yes, okay. That would be fine,” Chloe said. “I’m Chloe Beale.” She held out her hand for Beca to shake.
Beca shook it, trying not to let the stab of pain show on her face at the sound of Chloe using her maiden name.
“Beca Mitchell,” Beca said, fighting the urge to cover Chloe’s hands with both of her own.
Even after all these years, Beca still wanted nothing more than to pull Chloe into her arms and kiss her.
She couldn’t remember the last time they’d really kissed. The last time they’d lain in bed together while Chloe ran her fingers through Beca’s hair. The last time Chloe had been Chloe.
Chloe’s diagnosis and the progression of her illness had been sudden and devastating and brutally quick.
It was so cruel, Beca thought almost every minute of every day, that she still had Chloe so close yet she couldn’t have been further from her.
“I’m afraid you can’t stay too long,” Chloe said. “My daughters are coming to visit later.”
She remembers the girls, Beca thought. That’s good.
Some days Chloe had no recollection of their daughters. Some days, Chloe had no recollection of any of them.
But once in a while, God, it was so rare now, Chloe would remember Beca and who they’d been together.
“Is that so?” Beca asked. “How old are your daughters?”
“Oh, I don’t know, middle-aged-ish. One’s older than the other,” Chloe said, waving a dismissive hand. “Of an age where they think they’re old but they don’t know they’re actually still very young.”
“Hmm, they must be the same age as my kids. What are their names?”
“Well there’s Blake and, um… shoot. I had it. Begins with a B…”
No it doesn’t.
“No it doesn’t,” Chloe said, shaking her head. “Hayley.”
Riley.
“Riley!”
Beca smiled. If only I could get you to remember me so easily.
“Do you have grandkids?” Beca asked.
“No,” Chloe said with a sigh.
Yes you do. You have four, and they’re beautiful.
“Do you?”
“Yes,” Beca said. “A little too much energy for me to handle these days.”
Chloe seemed to study Beca for a fraction longer.
“You know, you look a lot like my wife. Older, of course, but there’s something about the nose and the smile…”
Beca laughed because if she didn’t she would cry. “Is that right? Well to be honest I wasn’t going to say anything, but you look a lot like my wife.”
“How weird,” Chloe said.
“She was beautiful, just like you,” Beca said, fiddling with the wedding band she still wore.
“Is she still with us?”
Beca looked into Chloe’s eyes, searching for some semblance of the Chloe Beale she had fallen in love with. Searching for a glimmer of recognition. A spark. Anything.
“No,” Beca said. “We lost her a few years ago.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Chloe said, placing her hand on Beca’s as if that’s where it was meant to be. “How awful for you. You must miss her terribly.”
Beca let out a small laugh and tears filled her eyes.
It was unbearable to mourn someone who was sitting two feet in front of you.
“More than anything. We had,” Beca swallowed hard but her voice still broke when she spoke again, “the best life together. She was my best friend… my everything.”
Chloe squeezed her hand. “How lucky you are to have felt love like that. To have loved so strongly that even after all these years you’re still…” Chloe trailed off and looked out of the window again.
“Did… is your wife still with us?” Beca asked, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.
“My… sorry, what did you say?”
“Is your wife still alive?”
“Oh, I don’t have a wife dear,” Chloe said, smiling. “This ginger is single and ready to mingle as my grandkids would say.”
Again, that knife in her heart.
Her grandkids were back, replacing her wife, and with them a spark of the old Chloe.
“Maybe you’ll meet someone here,” Beca said, the sadness taking hold of her now. Settling into her bones in the same way that the damp made her hip throb. “It’s never too late.”
“God, you’re crying, are you okay?”
“Perfectly fine,” Beca said, smiling. “Just thinking about my Chloe has made me go all… well… foolish is probably the best word.”
“Your… Chloe?”
“My wife,” Beca said. “Her name was Chloe.” She swallowed as she looked at the uncomprehending face before her. “She was beautiful. So beautiful. Red hair and bright blue eyes and she was kind, and good, and safe. She was my best my soulmate. And she had a voice like an angel. I’d give…” Beca swallowed again, “I’d give anything to hear her sing again. To hear my Chloe sing again.”
“Beca…”
“Do you know what she said to me the first time we kissed? She promised I would never lose her. We were in a tiny apartment in Brooklyn and she promised I wouldn’t lose her. But that’s the kind of promise only a kid could make. They have no idea, how could they?”
“Beca.”
Chloe’s hand gripped Beca’s and squeezed it. Tight.
“My… Beca?”
And there she was. Back like she’d never gone away.
“Chloe? You… you remember me?”
“Of course I remember you,” Chloe said. Then her eyebrows furrowed, and she looked around her room. “This isn’t our house.”
“No.”
Chloe swallowed and nodded. “I’m… I’m not well, am I?”
Beca sniffed and shook her head.
“Alzheimer’s?”
“Ah ha,” Beca said, fighting to keep her voice steady.
“Like my mom… How long?”
“T-two years,” Beca said. “I tried to take care of you but then I fell and broke my hip and I just… I couldn’t manage on my own anymore. The girls insisted. You’ve been here for about a year. You… you seem happy.”
Beca knew this lucidity wouldn’t last.
Chloe would be gone again, and probably soon.
This was her last chance.
“I love you, Chloe Mitchell, do you hear me? My heart belongs completely to you. And one day… one day soon, I’m not gonna be able to come and visit you anymore. And there may be days where you remember me, but you won’t remember I’m gone, and you’re gonna feel hurt and betrayed. You’re going to think I abandoned you,” Beca squeezed Chloe’s hand again, “but I promise you, if it was up to me, I would never leave your side.”
“So stay,” Chloe said, her voice breaking. “Stay with me.”
Beca gave her a sad smile. “In a few hours, you won’t remember me, baby.”
“How could I ever forget you?”
“Mom?” A voice spoke up from the doorway, and Beca turned to see Blake and Riley standing there. “Is everything-”
“Girls!” Chloe said, brightly. “Come in and meet my new friend Beca.”
No.
Not yet.
Please, not yet.
“Your new friend Beca?”
Beca forced the smile back onto her face, and she stood up.
“Nice to meet you,” Beca said, looking into the faces of her daughters. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
She turned to face Chloe.
“You’re leaving?”
“I should let you have some time with your girls,” Beca said. She took Chloe’s hand in hers, and looked at her wife for what would be the last time. “It was truly a pleasure meeting you, Chloe.”
“I’ll see you again I hope?”
Beca smiled. “Of course. You’ll remember what I said?”
Chloe tilted her head, her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.
“It’s okay,” Beca said. “I know you heard it. It’ll come back to you when you need it.”
“Okay,” Chloe said, still confused. “Do you think… would it be okay if we hugged? You can ask the girls, I’m a hugger.”
She heard a small sniff and she saw Riley quickly leave the room.
“Allergies,” Blake said, quickly.
“Of course we can hug,” Beca said. “I’ve had a wonderful afternoon with you Chloe.”
Chloe stood, her blanket slipping off her lap, and she wrapped her arms around Beca, and Beca hugged back as tight as she dared.
She buried her face in Chloe’s neck and breathed in.
She still smelled like Chloe.
“You know Beca, I think we’re gonna be really fast friends.”
And everything inside of Beca broke.
“Hey, what is it?” Chloe said, softly as Beca clung to her and cried.
“Mom, it’s okay,” Blake said. She stuck her head out of the door and called to her younger sister.
Chloe shot Blake a look of confusion as this apparent stranger sobbed into her shoulder.
“You’re okay,” Chloe said, softly. “Come on, now, you’re okay. I’ve got you.”
“I love you,” Beca whispered into her ear, choking it out between sobs. “Don’t forget that, okay? I love you.”
“Okay, that’s, um, very nice,” Chloe said.
Beca’s chest started feeling tight as she struggled to get air into her lungs.
“Why don’t you sit down? We can call a nurse and-”
“No,” Beca said, quickly, struggling to suck air into her useless lungs. “I just need… in my bag.”
“Here,” Blake said, handing her her inhaler.
“Thank you,” Beca said, taking several deep puffs from it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry, Chloe.”
She looked at Chloe again, and knew with certainty it was for the last time.
She had gotten a couple of minutes with Chloe - the real Chloe - this afternoon and that was more than she could have hoped for.
“It really was lovely to meet you Chloe,” she said.
“Yes, you too,” Chloe replied, although she sounded less than convincing. “See you another time?”
“I look forward to it,” Beca said.
“Riley, why don’t you make sure… Beca, here, gets to where she needs to be,” Blake said, looking between her parents with pain in her eyes.
“Sure,” Riley said.
When they were away from the room, Riley pulled her Mom into a hug.
“That was a rough one, huh?” Riley asked.
“Unbearable,” Beca said. “She was… she was back. I had her back for like, five minutes. And then…”
Riley kissed her on the head. “Come on, I’ll get one of the nurses to get you some tea and when we’re done we can drive you home.”
Beca frowned. “It’s Thursday. Is Blake not doing dinner?”
“No, she is, but you don’t usually feel like company after a bad visit,” Riley said.
Beca waved a hand of dismissal. “I wanna spend some time getting climbed on by my grandkids. Will your new lady be joining us?”
Riley blushed like a teenager, despite being in her forties. “Not tonight, Mom. It’s a bit soon for a family dinner.”
“Oh come on, you’ve been dating for months! I want to meet her, I have so many embarrassing stories to tell!”
“I know you do,” Riley said. “Which is why we’re gonna wait a few more weeks before we scare her off. Don’t worry, there are endless amounts of family dinners ahead of us for you to embarrass me at.”
Beca smiled. “Okay,” she said.
She hadn’t told the girls she was sick. They had enough in their plates with Chloe, and she didn’t want to add to it.
When the time came, yes, she knew they’d be hurt. She knew that hurt didn’t even come close to covering it. They had all but said their goodbyes to Chloe, but they had no idea that Beca would be beating her to the afterlife.
She knew if she asked them, they’d rather she told them.
It was cruel to blindside them, but in a way wasn’t it crueler to have them watch her slowly waste away in a hospital? To leave them saddled with medical bills that their inheritance would only just cover?
Because she knew her girls, they wouldn’t just let her slip away. They’d want her to fight, and Beca was too tired for fighting.
No. She wouldn’t do that to them. She had already written letters for all of them - including Chloe - and she had left instructions with her solicitors that they would get handed out after her death.
In her will, she’d left most of her money to her daughters and Blake’s four kids, along with a lump-sum donation to Barden Nursing Home.
Her affairs were in order.
The girls didn’t need to know.
“Mom? Are you ready?”
Beca smiled as her daughters approached, and she gratefully took Riley’s hand when she offered it.
She was quiet on the drive back to Blake’s house.
“Sure you’re up for dinner, Mom?” Blake asked, glancing at her in the rear view mirror.
Beca smiled and nodded.
That night she basked in the attention of her grandkids.
The two twin boys - Jackson and Christopher, aged seven - kept trying to explain their favourite show to their grandmother.
They kept acting out scenes, speaking in odd voices, shooting each other with fake guns.
Beca tried to follow along but really she just wanted to watch them play.
The youngest - Davey, four - sat comfortably on her lap.
“Gram read it?” He said, holding up a book.
“Again?” Beca asked.
“Please?”
“Okay,” she said.
“Grandma!” Christopher said, pulling her attention back to him. “Grandma! Look! Then the bad guys do this!” He aimed a finger gun at his brother and deepened his voice. “Prepare to die!”
“Ah ha,” Beca said.
“Gram,” Davey tugged at her sleeve and then placed a hand on his book.
“Sorry,” Beca said, picking up where she left off from.
The noise and distraction was welcome.
It kept Beca’s mind from wandering. She needed a few hours where she wasn’t mourning Chloe.
It was working until ten year old Anne walked into the room, looking far too somber for any ten year old.
“Who’s upset you then?” Beca asked. “I might be old but I can still throw a punch.”
Anne smiled, but only just. “Is grandma better yet?”
Beca frowned. “No, honey. I’m sorry.”
Anne had been the apple of Chloe’s eye right up until the moment she started to forget her.
Blake and her husband David had made the decision early on that the kids shouldn’t visit Chloe. It would be too hard for them to see their grandma and have her not recognise them.
“Is she going to get better soon?”
Beca let out a small sigh. “I don’t know,” she said.
Anne’s face fell, and Beca’s heart broke.
She wished she didn’t have to leave these kids behind.
“Listen, your grandma loves you very much. And so do I. And we always will, no matter what.”
Davey started to fuss on Beca’s knee, and she turned her attention back to him.
“If I wrote grandma a letter, would you give it to her?” Anne asked. “I don’t want her to think I’ve forgotten her.”
Tears filled Beca’s eyes, and she smiled. “Of course. But you should give it to your Mom or aunt Riley. They’ll see her before I do.”
Anne nodded, and went off to her room.
The rest of the night continued the same way every Thursday night dinner did.
Blake complained that Beca ate too little and that her husband ate too much.
The twins would devour anything left too close to them, and Anne would pick out any bit of vegetable she found, no matter how small it had been cut up.
Then Beca would attempt to help with the dishes until she was told to cut it out, and Riley would drive her home.
Before she left that night, she hugged and kissed each of her grandkids, and told them all she loved them beyond comprehension.
She kissed Blake’s cheeks - standing on her tiptoes to do so - and briefly cupped her face in her hands. She told her she loved her too.
She patted David on the arm.
“You’re a good man,” she said. “You’ll take care of them.”
“Jeez, Mom, what’s got you so morbid?”
“Just the joys of ageing,” Beca said.
She didn’t know why she was feeling so sentimental that night, but she put it down to the emotion of the day.
In the car, Beca was quiet again.
“Something’s up with you,” Riley said.
“Today was tough,” Beca said, her head on the window. She turned to look at her daughter, and she seemed to transform in front of her eyes and back again. “Has anyone ever told you how much you look like your mom?”
“You, every day since I was born,” Riley said, laughing as she ran a hand through her short, ginger hair.
“This new girlfriend of yours,” Beca said, “is she nice?”
“What? Yes, Mom, of course.”
“She treats you well? She’s kind? She doesn’t blow up at wait staff or lose her temper in traffic?”
“She’s great,” Riley said. “Look, you can meet her soon, okay? She’s just a bit nervous around parents. She… she didn’t get on great with her own. They weren’t cool when she came out.”
Beca let out a sigh. “Poor girl. You’d think my generation would have grown out of that. Apparently not. As long as she makes you happy, and treats you well, then that’s all that matters.”
Riley laughed. “What, are you trying to make sure I’m married off before you kick it?”
Beca laughed too. “No. I just want you to be happy, my girl.”
“I am,” Riley said. “And not because I’m in a relationship, but because I just… am.”
Beca smiled. “Good. I’ve… I’ve had a very good life, Ri. And I don’t think I realised how good it was, how lucky I was, until your Mom got sick. I wish I could go back and just… enjoy it. Savour it. Those moments I spent with your mom where we would just… talk. And be with each other. I wish I could tell myself to appreciate each and every one.” Beca wiped her eyes. “Promise me you’ll do that?”
“Mom, you sound like you’re giving me some goodbye speech.”
Beca smiled and shook her head. “Promise me.”
“I promise,” Riley said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m sure,” Beca said.
They pulled up outside Beca’s home.
“You want me to walk you in?”
“I’m not that old yet. I love you. You know that, right?”
“Of course I do. I love you too, Mom.”
Beca smiled at her daughter, and leant across the car to kiss her cheek.
“See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Beca said. “I need to pop into town and pick up a prescription.”
“I’ll take you.”
Beca smiled. “You’re a good girl. See you tomorrow.”
Riley waved and watched as her Mom walked into her house and shut the door behind her. She drove to her girlfriend’s, her heart heavy with sadness for her parents.
Maybe tonight she should tell Sarah that she loved her.
It was true, she had always just been too scared to say it.
She wasn’t sure what she was afraid of anymore.
Beca’s house was as quiet as it always was these days.
She made a cup of chamomile tea, and popped open the Thursday PM slot on her pill caddy. She took the handful of pills and swallowed them with a mouthful of tea.
Then she settled herself in her favourite armchair, and turned on some music.
She was tired.
Really tired.
It had been such a long day.
She felt a tightness in her chest, but it wasn’t any worse than usual so she thought nothing of it.
The song changed and the opening notes of Titanium played out.
This was considered an oldie now.
Beca smiled, and closed her eyes as she remembered the first time she sang that song with her wife.
God, what a life they’d had.
She didn’t open her eyes again.
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eternally-writing · 4 years ago
Text
splish splash | myg
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genre : fluff
rating : G
pairing: Yoongi x reader
theme: idol!au, established relationship! au
word count: 2k
warnings: none
synopsis: After a long day, you and Yoongi try to take a bath together
This was a request from @gloryofroses19​ that you can read here!
–♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡–
“You look dead, babe”
Yoongi was standing at your door, knocking on your door instead of pulling out his spare key since he was so tired. He looked a little bit like a zombie, except a very handsome one.
He knew that you would always have his favorite snacks on hand so he could always come to your place after practice to enjoy some tangerines and get some time away from the dorms (after all, after 7 hours of practice with the boys he did need a break from him), and to be honest, with how tired felt he didn’t even know how he managed to drive himself over to your place.
“Oof, i need to sit down babygirl, today was brutal and my muscles are going to give out on me if I try to take another step”
He plopped down with a grunt onto your couch, pulling a pillow into his chest. He immediately sank like a heavy rock in the ocean into the soft material of your couch.
Shaking your head at your boyfriend clearly having overworked himself, you walked over with a plate of oranges and a glass of cold water.
“I can’t give you the same rant about not overworking yourself every week Yoongi,” you said with a slightly frustrated tone. You continued on to explain why he needed to take care of himself - all with love though of course.
Taking one hand to rub it through his hair, you sat on the arm of the couch beside him.
He couldn’t help the light moan that escaped his lips at your hands caressing his scalp. It was a sharp contrast to how his muscles felt a mere couple of hours ago at the dance studio.
Lightly grabbing your hand, he tried to move it away.
“Baby you have to stop, or I’m - “
He stopped partway to let you a big yawn, stretching his legs simultaneously. You could practically feel him unravel under your touch, voicing his reactions to you.
“What was I saying again? I’m gonna, I’m gonna fall asleep babe,” murmured Yoongi with half closed eyelids.
“Just stay the night, you look way too exhausted to even move,” you cooed to him, taking in his exhausting figure beneath you.
Yoongi groaned, wishing that he could accept your offer, but he knew he really shouldn’t (especially if he wanted to get to practice at 8am tomorrow).
“Trust me babe, I would, but I need to shower so badly. You and I both know that I stink right now.”
You laughed and hugged him tightly for effect.
“That’s a non-issue Yoongi. I love you, even if you smell like…”
You took a dramatic whiff in to smell your boyfriend.
“Sweat and tteokbokki and…” Your face turned in confusion as you tried to decipher the last smell. Yoongi jumped in to finish your sentence.
“Taehyung’s new cologne”
You repeated it affirmatively with a slight grimace painting your face. “Taehyung’s new cologne.”
To his dismay, you began to drag your boyfriend off of your couch and towards your bathroom, because you were not about to let your freshly-washed sheets pick up Yoongi’s scent.
--♡♡–
It didn’t take an engineer to see that fitting both you and Yoongi into your bathtub was going to be no simple task.
Your studio apartment was the perfect size for you to live in before you started dating Yoongi. Over time, Yoongi started by having a toothbrush in your bathroom, then his clothes started to form a small pile in your bedroom, then you cleared out part of a drawer for him. Somehow, your apartment seemed to grow to accommodate the two of you together. Correction: all of your apartment seemed to grow to fit the two of you except for your bathtub.
Until Yoongi came into your life you believed showers were just about hygiene, a quick 5 minutes to hop in, scrub down your body, and hop out. Yoongi on the other hand, found that baths were the biggest luxury he missed during all of his trainee days. One time when he took a bath at your place you put in a tangerine scented bath bomb you bought him for Christmas, and he swore he saw heaven with how relaxed the bath made him.
Although throughout your relationship Yoongi had managed to convince you to try many new things (like drinking a cup of water before every meal or watching Brooklyn Nine Nine), he had yet to convince you to try the so-called wonders of baths. That was at least until now.
Compromise was basically Yoongi’s middle name, as he conceded to your pleas for him to sleep over with the condition that you take a bath with him. He mustered up his last bits of energy to throw some puppy dog eyes at you that you knew you couldn’t resist. And the smile that graced his face after you said yes confirmed to you that you definitely made the right decision.
That brought you to here. You and Yoongi were just staring at your tiny tiny tub, wondering how this was even going to work. Putting the knowledge from your one high school physics class to work, you realized that you would need to fill the tub with less water than usual.
As soon as the tub was filled, Yoongi was quick to shed his clothes and hop in, immediately moaning in response to how the water instantly began to relax his muscles. He took a couple seconds to enjoy the sensation before beckoning for you to join him.
Still apprehensive, you hoped that you could back out of your deal and tried to make him settle for you just sitting on the edge of the tub, promising to wash his hair (and in the words of your favorite TV character Charles Boyle, it was the most intimate thing you could do to a partner with your fingers).
However, Yoongi started to splash some water like a frustrated child, begging for you to join him with his open arms. The sight of your boyfriend eager to spend time with you was something that you couldn’t resist. You started to peel off your shorts and sweater and then took your favorite place - right in Yoongi’s arms. However, you didn’t reach that without any difficulties, bumping your arm on three different places before reaching your man.
You hit a slight snag as you realized that your knees were barely extended away from your chest, unable to even stretch out your legs. Half submerged in the water, you craned your head around to give Yoongi a look that said “I told you so, this isn’t going to work”.
Not taking no for an answer, Yoongi pulled you closer to him in his lap, placing you on his thighs to give you a couple extra inches of leg room. His hands also crawled up to your shoulders, started to lightly massage the knots that had accumulated over time. The relaxation that overcame you was overwhelming - your head came to rest on his shoulder, letting his magic fingers work their way over you.
“Mmm Yoongi, I thought this was supposed to help you relax? And even though this feels amazing, I want to help you relax.”
Yoongi didn’t stop his ministrations, and he whispered in your ear.
“You’re another part of me, Y/N. Seeing you relaxed makes me feel even more relaxed.”
You grinned at his sweet words and wanted to give him a big kiss, but that proved to be a difficult task as you felt your knee collide with the side of the porcelain tub with a bang.
Hearing you groan in pain, Yoongi immediately scooped you closer into his arms, bringing your knee up to be inspected by him. With his self-learned medical knowledge, he declared that the bump was nothing a little kiss couldn’t fix, and he began to pepper kisses all over your knee, getting distracted as his kisses also started drifting upwards on your thighs. The scenario seemed all too silly and domestic, and it made you both laugh harder than you should. You pulled his head away from your body, knowing that he was far too tired to get through anything but that he would get caught up in his ministrations.
After you both resumed your original positions, Yoongi swept a hand through his hair and pulled you closer to him. He leaned closer to whisper in your ear and you expected to hear him whisper sweet nothings to you - instead in Yoongi-fashion, he had instead blurted out -
“Should we put some bubbles in here?”
Instantly, you chuckled. Still not receiving an answer from you, Yoongi continued on.
“You keep telling me that you haven’t had a bath since you were little - and who doesn’t like bubbles?”
Yoongi had a great point, and your next question of “where are we even going to find bubble solution” was quickly answered by your boyfriend pointing to a gracious welcoming gift that had been collecting dust on a shelf in your bathroom.
--♡♡–
For most couples, a romantic bath probably meant that there would be candles and rose petals, but you and Yoongi didn’t need all that. Each others’ presence was all you’ve ever wanted and all you’ve ever needed (although the bubbles were a nice addition).
You felt Yoongi’s fingers tapping on you on the shoulder, gesturing for you to attempt to turn around to face him.
You were met with the sight of Yoongi piling bubbles onto his chin to create a faux beard. He was unable to stop his giggles from bubbling over, making the bubbles on his face fly off into the air.
“C’mon, give it a try Y/N”.
His hands were full of bubbles and he began layering them on top of your head, making something that one could only assume was a party hat created out of bubbles.
“That’s my pretty girl”
No matter how many times Yoongi said that to you, it still brought a blush onto your cheeks. You leaned in to give him a peck on the lips, only to grimace as you were met with the taste of soap in your mouth.
With more stolen kisses, some light shoulder massages, and a couple bumps and snags as you navigated your tiny tub, you and Yoongi managed to relax and unwind after a long, tiring day.
“I love you Y/N”
You smiled and let yourself relax further into his hold.
“I love you too babe, always”
“Enough to clean up all the water that we’ve spilled out of your bathtub by now?”
You playfully splashed your boyfriend, tickling his sides slightly to make him squirm before you settled back into his hold.
“Oh shush, that’s a later problem, just let me enjoy cuddling with you for now. The smell of Taehyung’s new cologne is finally starting to fade.”
Maybe baths weren’t so bad after all.
–♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡–
If you like what you read please make sure to interact/follow! Thank you for reading ♡ - Emily
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writingsonawall · 4 years ago
Text
Falling, fallen chapter 3
Pairings: Spencer Reid x OFC
Story summary:  Spencer randomly meets Leah at the library and their first encounter was supposed to be just that; a random one-time occurance. When an unsub lands Spencer in the very same hospital she works at, she feels obligated to take care of him. But what happens when his team notices her everlooming presence and theorises that perhaps she could be the unsub they’re looking for?
Chapter summary: The BAU start developing a profile which leads them to investigate Leah. 
Warnings: Recalling a violent incident, bit of blood but not too bad. 
Wordcount: 12,6 k
A/N: This chapter is written from Emily’s POV just to get a different perspective on the story. 
Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7,
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Emily shot Reid a knowing look as she stepped through the door before turning her head slightly to watch the nurse shuffle down the corridor. She was pretty, that much was for certain and she knew Reid thought so, too. She took a seat by his bed, dropping the bag to the floor. She had just gotten back from his apartment, finally having had the time to collect the things he’d asked for earlier that same morning. She decided not to comment on the nurse any further as the three of them went back to work, trying to piece together a profile with the mess of details they had. 
“What if we’re looking for two unsubs?” The first break came about an hour after Emily had returned to Reid’s room and they all peaked up at Rossi’s suggestion. 
“What makes you say that?” Morgan’s voice sounded through Garcia’s phone now and Emily wondered the same thing. 
“Look at the bruisings around Anita Thorne’s throat. That’s pretty large hands, don’t you think? Probably from a man. But the stabwounds on Gomez’ body were hesitant and shallow, not a lot of force behind them,” Rossi explained his thinking and Emily followed easily while she flipped through her files. 
“So, you’re thinking whoever killed Gomez was a woman?” J.J. spoke up this time. Morgan didn’t even give Rossi time to answer.
“But the stabbing was all over the place and brutal. It was overkill. Do you really think a woman would be capable of doing that?” 
“Maybe our unsub was hesitant about killing Gomez? Not knowing what to do or how to do it correctly? Maybe he was trying to establish a MO?” Reid spoke up now and his words surprised Emily. Anita Thorne had been killed a week and half before Gomez, so if the unsub was the same person then he was definitely accustomed to killing. It made no sense for him to brutally strangle Thorne, then hesitate when it came to Gomez. Unless there was a connection between Gomez and the unsub which they hadn’t made yet. That seemed unlikely since there was no sign of the unsub’s remorse anywhere on the body or at the crimescene. It didn’t feel personal. 
Emily voiced her thoughts and the team agreed with her. She got a little concerned about Reid. He seemed to have gotten confused by such a simple thing as the timelines of the different victims. That was the kind of mistake Reid would never do. She was afraid he wasn’t in the right headspace to be working this case, but she didn’t speak her concern just yet. 
“Typically in a killer-duo one part to be more dominant and the other more submissive. We shouldn’t assume that the female is the submissive one just because she’s the weaker sex. In fact we should assume the opposite, especially if we still regard our previous theory that at least one of them has some sort of medicaltraining. Healthcare is widely dominated by females after all,” Reid rambled on in his usual manner, but something still seemed… Off about him. Like he was trying to hide his privous slip up. 
“So, you think we’re looking for a man and woman, and that the woman is the dominant person here?” Rossi asked. 
“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time. In traditional gender roles the man is depicted as the dominant type, when it in reality is the female who holds all the power. She controlls access to sex, decides what’s for dinner, has the most influence over the kids… Even though men typically are physically stronger than women, it’s still the women who control them, so I wouldn’t say it’s odd,” Reid explained further and by the way he was fiddling in the bed Emily could tell he had a lot more to say on the matter. 
“Well, it fits,” J.J. butted in. “If the woman is dominant we can only assume she decides who gets to live and who doesn’t.” 
“But how does she decide that?” Emily asked out loud. 
“Garcia’s already looked through all the workers in both hospitals and no one crossrefranses,” Morgan interjected. 
“I sure have, Sweetcheeks,” Garcia spoke up. 
“There’s got to be something here that we’re missing,” Morgan mumbled. 
“Garcia, start off by looking into hospitalemployees who might match our profile who’ve had contact with more than one of our victims. The dominant would be meticulous, so look for anyone with a clean record, we can also assume she’s reserved with few sosial contacts. We still don’t know how she decides who dies so look for anyone who stands out, employees who pay close attention to the victims, who check on them more than necessary, anything that screams unnatural behavior.” Hotch said and at that last bit Garcia’s fingers paused over the keyboard. Emily knew what she was thinking, because she was thinking the exact same thing. 
“Does that mean employees who’s worked with Reid as well?” Garcia sounded guilty as she spoke and Emily noted that she gave Reid an apologetic look. 
“What have you got Garcia?” Hotch’s answer fell to deaf ears because Reid lashed out. 
“I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong!” He all but yelled. 
“Spence!” J.J. sounded concerned, but she too was ignored. 
“She didn’t do this. I know her and she didn’t do this.” Emily almost felt bad for him. The nurse had seemed like a sweet girl and either she’d played him like a fool or they were wrongfully accusing her of being a killer. There was no way she’d come good out of this one. 
“Hold on! Who are we talking about?” Morgan asked at the same time as someone, Emily couldn’t tell who, asked “What do you mean you know her?” It was silent after that, this kind of silence that was just waiting for someone to break it. Emily realized then that she was staring blankly at Reid, still not used to him lashing out like that. 
“I met her last night at the library,” Reid finally said after a reluctant sigh. That made Emily’s eyes go wide. Why hadn’t he said something before? “And I know what you’re all thinking, but it wasn’t her. She left way before I was shot. Garcia can probably verify that with an easy search, she got to work before 10 P.M. I know how bad that looks, but I’m telling you it’s not her. Hotch…” Reid’s voice was almost pleading towards the end and now Emily felt really bad for him. He wanted so desperately to believe it wasn’t her that he couldn’t see what was right in front of him. Even though Emily hadn’t spent that much time at the hospital she had reacted to the nurse, feeling like there was something... off about her. She hadn’t even thought that the young woman might be the unsub, but when she thought it now; it just fit. 
“What’s her name?” Hotch asked, his tone of voice unreadable. Emily wondered what he was thinking. 
“Leah Clarewater,” Reid sighed, probably knowing he’d lost the battle. If he hadn’t said anything, Garcia would’ve found out anyway.
“Alright. Garcia, run her and see what pops up.” Hotch almost didn’t have the time to speak because Reid interrupted him. 
“Get out,” He spoke, his voice quiet but his words were harsh. 
“Reid,” Emily reached forward to lay a hand on his arm but he shied away from her. 
“I said, get out. I’m not even on this case and I’m telling you it’s not her, but no one’s listening. I don’t want to hear anymore, so please… just get out.” He sounded almost completely broken, as if his whole life had just been flipped upsidedown and it made Emily frown. 
“Garcia, Prentiss… You heard him.” Hotch’s voice was clear and Garcia sat there frozen for a second before quickly gathering her stuff and rising from her chair. 
“Reid,” Emily tried again. 
“What, Emily?” He snapped at her. “I’m telling you it’s not her, and it’s not just something I want to believe; it’s something I know for a fact. And when you eventually realize that you’re all wrong I am the one who’s gonna have to look her in the eyes and live with that guilt. So no, I don’t want to hear what you find out when you do a search on her, because it’s not my place to know unless she tells me herself.” He was almost panting with rage when he finished his rambling and the room once more fell in an awkward silence so thick it could practically be cut through with a knife. His words were laced with venom and she then realized that this wasn’t all about the nurse. Most it was, sure, but he was obviously still not over everything that happened with Emily and Doyle. She had felt horrible about lying to him and the rest of the team like that, but she had thought they had all worked through it by now. Reid obviously hadn’t, because that lash out was a whole lot of unresolved tension. 
Emily escorted Garcia out of the room without another word. They found a secluded area in the waitingroom outside of the ICU and Garcia seemed a little reluctant about continuing.
“Sir. I must say that this doesn’t feel right,” she mumbled, the rest of the team still on the phone even though they had gone silent after Reid’s blow up. 
“I know, Garcia, but just see what you can find out,” Hotch said. 
“Is someone gonna tell me who we’re talking about now?” Morgan asked and that made Emily smile. Of course he hadn't picked up on who they were talking about yet. He was a damn good agent, but sometimes he could be slow. 
“The nurse who came to get us when Reid woke up this morning,” Emily replied, leaning a little closer to her phone. 
“Oh, the ho-” Morgan stopped himself before he could finish his sentence. Emily tried to hide her snicker because she knew he was about to say ‘hot one’, but that would be highly inappropriate. 
“She seemed like a good kid,” Rossi interjected. 
“Oh, but she’s anything but!” Garcia finally spoke up again. This was the first time Emily felt a little disgusted by how excited she sounded. She knew that Garcia couldn’t always help it. She was stuck in her office all day while the rest of the team were out in the field. She loved having things to do and whenever she found something that could help, she always took that win personally. Still, this time Emily couldn’t quite feel it. Reid obviously had a thing for this girl; attraction, admiration or whatever it was… And now Garica might have found something to shatter his precious fantasy of the girl. 
“What have you got?” Hotch asked. 
“Well… Leah Singer Clarewater, born and raised in The Bronx, New York. Apparently she ran in a bad crowd in her younger years. Several of her friends were picked up on drugcharges in high school. She doesn’t really have a record herself, but we can only assume she was just as bad as her friends since, you know, they were friends… Anyway, when she was eighteen her eight year old brother disappeared without a trace and he was never found. Leah was apparently with him when it happened. Police investigated, but never found out what happened. Two years later her mother died of, oh, let’s see… Cancer and after that it seems that she and her father drifted off. I can’t see that they have any contact now and she doesn’t seem to have many friends. No social media, I mean zip zero, no Facebook, Twitter, not even YouTube. Nada. She’s basically a loner.” 
“That does fit the profile,” J.J. mumbled. Emily agreed. And the story about family could’ve been a stressor. 
“Look, guys… We have to be absolutely certain about this,” Morgan spoke up, probably feeling just what Emily was. 
“Well, she has a good medical education,” Garcia said. “I mean, like really good. She’s taken a lot of extra courses and addons to her Bachelor of Science in Nursing. She’d basically just need a few hours of mandatory training and she’d be certified as a paramedic.” 
“So, she has a lot of medical knowledge?” Rossi asked. 
“That she sure does,” Garcia nodded as she spoke, even though it was just Emily there to see her. “And- Oh! Oh…” Garcia trailed off, a sad look crossing her features. Emily wondered what she had just found out. 
“What is it, Garcia?” Hotch asked. 
“She has a registered .45,” she whispered. Reid, and the other victims, had been shot with a .45. Oh, how Emily hated this. She had almost hoped for Reid’s sake that they had just jumped to conclusions and that they wouldn’t find anything on her. Now everything was pointing towards her. 
“That’s more than enough for a probable cause,” Hotch sighed into the phone, sounding just as defeated as Emily felt. “Morgan and J.J., go to her address. Rossi, I want you back at the hospital. We still don’t know if she is or who she might be working with. If she knows we’re onto her, she might come after Reid. Until we find her and question her, I don’t want Reid to be left unattended. Stand outside of his room if he doesn’t want visitors, but no one comes into that room without anyone of us knowing what happens. And I mean no one, no nurses, doctors, not even the janitor or cleaning crew. Got it?” Hotch’s message was clear and everyone agreed verbally before ending the call. Emily decided to let Garica work for a little bit and went back to Reid’s room. She knocked softly on the door before opening it. Reid met her eyes with a fierceness in his. 
“Look,” she said, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear and I’ll spare you the details… But this looks bad for her. We don’t know who she might be working with, so Hotch is adamant that we don’t leave you unattended. You may not like it and that’s fine. If you wanna be alone, then that’s fine too, I’ll just stay outside the door.” Emily had decided to just be frank with him. “In the mean time, do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” She asked, still not able to shake the tension between them. 
“You’re still wrong about her.” Reid’s reply left no room for argument on that subject. 
“I mean about whatever vendetta you have against me,” she clarified. Reid narrowed his eyes at her. 
“No offense, Emily, but not everything is about you. On the contrary to popular belief I don’t carry grudges. My problem isn’t with you personally, it’s with all of you. I tell you that it’s not her, and you don’t believe me. I know her and my word, my credibility still means nothing to you.” He was getting agitated and she finally understood why. This wasn’t just about protecting the nurse, it was also about the team not trusting his judgement. Emily sighed. 
“You’ve known her for how long? Less than a day? What if you’re wrong, Reid? Just what if?” 
“I’m not.” His reply came not even a heartbeat later and his voice was certain. It was still too similar to a childish game, him not wanting to admit he might be wrong. 
“Okay, I’ll bite… Say you’re right, there’s still things you don’t know about her. She’s not this amazing person you think she is. She’s got baggage, possibly more than you can imagine. She’s trouble, Reid, whether she’s the unsub or not.” Emily had no idea how much Reid knew about her, but she somehow figured out that if he knew everything then he would be more logical about this. 
“She’s the best person I’ve met,” Reid said and she looked at him for a moment. Did he really mean that? Did she really have him so tightly twisted around her finger that he believed his own words to be the truth? By the confident look on his face, she guessed on yes to both questions. “But you’re right about one thing; I do want to be alone. Please, close the door behind you.” That was a clear sign that this discussion was over. Emily decided not to say anything else as she slipped out of the room. 
She could only begin to imagine what Reid was going through. Emily didn’t have any relatives she spoke to, no friends outside of work. Her colleagues were her family, she loved them all dearly. If any of them got implicated for murder she probably would have lost her shit as well. Still, that got her to wonder what was going on between Reid and that nurse. She had seemed professional enough the few times she’d seen her, except for the time she’d caught her hanging out in Reid’s room for the better part of half an hour before she went home. What had that been about? Reid obviously didn’t know her that well, seeing as he claimed to have met her the night before. Maybe he felt attracted to her; she was pretty after all. But then again she wouldn’t take Reid for the guy to fall head over heels for a woman he’d barely met. This couldn’t possibly be love, she must have found a way to manipulate him. 
“How’s the kid?” Rossi greeted Emily as he walked down the corridor twenty minutes later. Emily sighed heavily as he came to a stop next to her. 
“Understandably upset,” she told him with a small shrug. “He’s… He’s actually pretty mad,” she said. 
“He’ll get over it,” Rossi tried to assure her, but she could only shake her head. 
“I’m afraid this could be a breakingpoint for him. No matter what happens from now on, Reid loses. Either this girl is a killer who’s managed to wrap him around her finger or she’s not… And I’m not sure which of them is worse,” she sighed as she spoke, not knowing how to feel about all of this. 
“You don’t think it’s her?” Rossi asked, his voice slow as if he was being careful with what he said. 
“It all fits,” Emily nodded. “But there’s some questions that need answers. This case is just all over the place and when one of our own is involved it just makes it… harder, you know?” She glanced up at the older man, finding him looking back with sympathetic eyes. 
“Now you know how we felt last time you were involved.” He gave her a sad smile then and it made Emily’s stomach drop. She had realized that the whole thing with Doyle had been hard on the team, but that it had felt like this? 
“I just hope Reid’s gonna be okay,” she mumbled. 
“He’s a smart kid. He’ll pull through.” Rossi bumped his shoulder into hers, a small sign of comfort. Emily couldn’t exactly say that it helped, but she appreciated the gesture all the same. Just then her phone started blaring and she pulled it out of her pocket, noticing that it was Hotch. 
“I’ve got Rossi here with me,” she spoke up after accepting the call. 
“Morgan and J.J. came up empty-handed,” Hotch informed them, getting right to business. “They’re already headed back to the hospital. We can only assume that she didn’t leave at all or that she’s waiting for a chance to get to Reid. I’ve already called in reinforcement to guard his room, but in the meantime have Garcia on watchout. I want the two of you to do a sweep of the hospital, try to see if you can locate her. We have a warrant out for her arrest and I’m bringing it over as we speak,” he told them and that made Emily’s stomach tighten just a little more. They had enough probable cause to arrest her now. Before they could even agree to his orders he hung up the phone. Emily sighed, dropping the phone into her pocket again. She leaned forward a little, putting her hands on her knees as she tried to make sense of it all. She wasn’t in doubt that they had the right person, but something still felt… off. She couldn’t tell if it was the profile or just Reid’s feelings involved. 
“Do you need a minute?” Rossi asked, his voice hushed next to her. 
“Yeah, probably,” she nodded as a hand was placed on her hunched over back. 
“I’ll go get Garcia,” he informed her before he disappeared down the corridor. Emily took a few minutes to collect her thoughts, push all doubt so far into the back of her mind that it couldn’t possibly bother her anymore. If she started doubting, she’d make mistakes and mistakes couldn’t be tolerated, especially not on a case involving one of her own. She owed it up to Reid to make this go as smoothly as possible. 
Rossi returned with Garcia who they placed on a chair outside of Reid’s room. They didn’t dare ask him if she could sit in his room with him, so for right now they’d just have to make it work that way. Rossi and Emily started by talking to the nurse who was on call, simply asking if she happened to know when the unsub was coming back to work. She informed them that she wasn’t scheduled to work until the eveningshift the next day, and that she was supposed to work at the post operative unit instead of the ICU. Emily asked if that was normal, to work at two different units, to which the nurse only laughed saying something along the lines of “Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a permanent full-time position as a nurse? Most of us work in two different units, at least.” 
They went down to the post operative unit next, just to make sure she hadn’t clocked in almost 24 hours earlier than when her shift started. They came up empty there as well. For the next fifteen minutes they did a quick search of three other units, asking different personnel if they’d seen her. Most people had no idea who she even was, which didn’t surprise Emily. It was a big hospital after all. 
“Hang on a second.” Emily stopped Rossi’s pace as she glanced over at the doctor who was standing and talking to the officeworker by the lobby. She could vaguely remember seeing the unsub talk to him earlier that morning by the nursingstation in the ICU. The two had seemed close, as if they were friends or close colleagues at the very least. 
“Excuse me.” Rossi must have noticed her train of thoughts because he approached the man. “Dr. Ruiz,” Rossi said once he was close enough to read the print of his lapcoat. “I’m Agent Rossi, this is my partner SSA Prentiss.” Rossi pulled out his badge and showed it to the man. 
“We’re looking for Leah Clarewater, but we’re having a hard time locating her. Have you seen her?” Emily asked. She was surprised by the doctor’s reaction. More times than not, people would get nervous or upset when they came asking about friends and family. This man seemed… happy? Relieved? 
“Well, that was quickly!” He exclaimed. “She’s down in the ER. I’m headed that way myself, so I can walk you down,” he told them. Emily gave Rossi a look, silently asking if he was noticing the strangeness as well. He only shrugged, so they followed the doctor. 
“I saw you this morning. Have you been on call for long?” Emily found herself asking as they walked down a corridor. 
“It was chaos here last night, masscollision on the highway. I got called in as an extra set of hands. I usually work in post op. but when it’s all hands on deck, it’s… Well, all hands on deck,” he laughed. 
“Did Leah get called in as well?” Rossi asked as they reached the elevator. 
“Yeah,” he told them, pressing the button which said -1. “Typically we don’t call in nurses, but Leah has a lot of extra training and she’s really good at what she does. Always handy to have around, you know?” 
“She works in the post operative unit as well. Have you known her for long?” Emily asked as they stepped out of the elevator. Dr. Ruiz nodded. 
“Yeah… For the good part… Three years, is it, now? Wow, how time flies. She’s one of the best I’ve ever seen, to be honest. Cares a lot about her patients, you know? And she’s really good at her job so she’s a thrill to be working with,” he told them. He clearly thought highly of her, just like Reid. This woman had managed to fool not only one, but two doctors. She almost deserved a medal for that. 
“Good evening, Dr. Ruiz!” A petite blonde greeted as they made it to the ER. “Are you gonna be working here today?” 
“Yeah, no… Not today, Cindy. I’m just looking for Leah, is she still here?” The doctor asked. Emily stood beside Rossi a few steps away from them, just watching the interaction. 
“Yeah, she’s down there,” Cindy answered, pointing towards the end of the giant room where a shutter had been closed all the way. “She still refuses to go up to neuro, though. Dr. Charles insisted, but she refuses,” the nurse huffed a little, as if she was annoyed. What she said made Emily’s eyebrows shoot up. 
“I’ll see what I can do,” Dr. Ruiz said and Emily noted the awardwinning smile he gave the nurse. He then turned towards herself and Rossi. “I’ll just need to check some files and then I’ll be over. You can talk to her if you want,” he informed them before walking over to the nursestation in the middle of the room. Emily shrugged at Rossi and started walking towards where the nurse had pointed earlier. She dragged the curtains open, revealing the blonde woman who was sitting at the end of the bed, feet dangling back and forth, head buried in her hands and what looked to be an icepack pressed to her forehead. 
“Leah Singer Clarewater?” Emily asked, a little uncertain about what exactly was going on. The woman slowly lifted her head, looking up at the agents. She blinked a couple of times, even the movements of her eyelids slow and sluggish and now that Emily could see her face she got even more confused. Her nose was swollen and obviously broken by the way it was leaning towards the right. She had cottonballs sticking out of each nostril, the tips of them stained with blood. She was sporting a massive bruise on her left cheek, the skin there already turned a deep purple which matched bruising around her eyes. She also had a deep gash across her forehead which had a few badges over it to keep it shut. Her throat looked red and Emily could see the indications of handprints developing there. She looked like hell, to say the least. 
“You’re… uhm, Dr. Reid’s friends,” she finally spoke up. Her voice sounded hoarse and nasal at the same time. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a few seconds, as if the light was hurting, before opening them. She seemed to have a hard time focusing on the people in front of her. 
“We are,” Rossi simply stated, probably as confused as Emily was. He glanced at her, and Emily could only shake her head because the sight in front of her was not what she had expected to find.  
“Look,” the nurse said slowly. “I’m off duty right now, and as you can see I’m in no shape to get back to work at the moment. Whatever he needs, there’s other nurses on call now who can help him.” Her voice was still slightly slurred as she spoke, as if she was drugged down or drunk. Emily assumed they had given her a cocktail of drugs for whatever pain she was in. 
“Actually, we wanted to talk to you,” Emily pursed her lips together, not knowing how to handle the situation. This woman was still a suspect, but now might not be the best time to have this conversation. They still had a warrant for her arrest, but they couldn’t possibly arrest her right now when she looked like that. There was a lot of information missing here. 
“You were with Reid the other night?” Rossi spoke up and that seemed to confuse her. Her eyes were even narrowed than they had been a second ago. 
“Oh, right… Right, at the library,” she said as the memories seemed to come back to her. Emily wasn’t a doctor, but she could clearly tell that this woman was seriously concussed. She was in no condition to be having this conversation. 
“We just want the stories straight, that’s all,” Emily said, leaving out the part of them thinking she was actually a serial killer. “But we can talk to you later if you’re not up for it right now,” she assured her. 
“Later might be a good time,” Dr. Ruiz spoke up, startling Emily a little. She hadn’t even noticed him approaching. “Leah, we’re taking you up to neuro.” 
“No, I’m fine,” she waved her hand dismissively and dropped the ice pack. She seemed to have sobered up a little bit since Emily and Rossi had walked in. “I just wanna go home, but I can talk now. Is this gonna take long?” She asked, pushing the doctors hands away as he tried to touch her. 
“Leah, seriously,” The doctor tried to make her stay still, but she pushed him off yet again. 
“Ruiz, I’m fine,” She jumped off from the bed, leaning down, probably to try to get her bag which was laying on the floor, and then collapsed forward. Emily was about to rush forward on instinct, but the doctor just barely managed to grab a hold of her. She still ended up sprawled out on the floor, but Dr. Ruiz had managed to lighten the fall so she didn’t smack right down. 
“Can you give me some space, please?” The doctor asked looking up at Emily and Rossi. He was sitting on his knees besides Clarewater, one hand supporting the back of her head while the other one was pressed against her chest. Rossi and Emily immediately took a step back. They couldn’t do anything but stand there and watch as he pulled a small flashlight out if coat, forcing one of the nurse’s eyes open to check the reflexes. 
“Fuck me, that’s bright!” She groaned, clearly not unconscious. She battled his hand away. 
“Yeah, you’re totally fine.” Emily could almost hear him roll his eyes at her. He was so done with her bullshit, and in any other situation the two of them might have been adorable. He obviously cared about her, even though she probably annoyed him at times. 
“It’s just a BP-drop,” the nurse scoffed. “Is it me or you who’s the doctor here?” 
“It’s me, and that’s why you’re going up to neuro.” His voice was stern even as he helped her up on her feet. He gently sat her down on the bed, pushing on her shoulders until she reluctantly laid down. She made small noises of discontent all the time until she closed her eyes against the blinding overheadlight. “Leah, I’ll strap you to the bed if I have to. I have two federal agents here to back me up. We’re taking that trip to neuro whether you like it or not. Doctor’s orders.” That left no room for argument and Emily felt a small smile tug on the corner of her lips, despite the seriousness of the situation. They were like a pair of siblings or an old married couple fighting. 
“Is it okay if one of us tags along so we can talk to her once she’s checked out?” Rossi asked once the scene in front of them calmed down. 
“Be my guest,” the doctor said, waving another man forward, probably a porter. He picked up the bag from the floor and placed it on Clarewater’s stomach. He unlocked the breaks from the bed and the other man stepped forward, taking his place on the other side. “neuro’s a few floors up and I’ve already called ahead for a CT and MRI, so it might take some time. But if you wanna stick around, then that should be alright.” He informed them as the two men started pushing the bed forward. 
“You go. I’ll call Hotch and tell him what’s happened,” Rossi told Emily who only nodded and moved forward to follow the moving bed down the corridors. She decided to stay silent as they traveled around the hospital. She waited outside of the room where the CT was placed, taking a seat in the chair. When the suspect, and yes she wanted to use the word suspect now since she had no idea how to read the situation anymore, was placed safely in the machine the doctor stepped out again. Emily offered him a smile as he took a seat next to her. 
“Is she gonna be okay?” Emily asked. 
“Leah? Yeah, sure,” Dr. Ruiz laughed. “She’s gotten a few blows to the head, so we’re just ruling out serious brain trauma. It’s probably just a bad concussion, but we have to make sure it’s not something more, you know?” 
“I hope it’s not anything worse,” Emily offered her concern.
“Well, it’s Leah so she’ll be fine. She always is,” Dr. Ruiz shrugged. “Sorry you had to see that back there. She’s a really nice girl, but she can be stubborn. She’s this kind of person who always gives 110 percent, you know? I constantly have to remind her to take breaks, because she refuses. Says she hates breaks because she feels like she’s useless when she’s not doing anything. I always try to sneak some treats into her pockets, like proteinbars or something, because I know if I don’t then she’ll be running on adrenaline and coffee the entire day.” 
“She seems invested in her work then,” Emily hummed. “You seem to really care about her.” She glanced up at him to see his reaction. He just smiled fondly. 
“She’s the best, honestly. She’s kinda like my workwife,” he laughed. 
“Oh, really?” Emily couldn’t help but chuckle herself. 
“Yeah, whenever we work together things just flow so smoothly, you know what I’m talking about? I mean, she annoys me to death sometimes… mostly because she refuses to look out for herself, but she’s damn good at her job. And she’s a lot of fun to be around and we work really well together. The others down at post op. call us ‘dream team’ because of that,” he laughed again. 
“Well, I can only imagine.” Emily felt a little bad about hearing him talk so highly of her when she was a suspect in a murderinvestigation. “So, you know her well then?” 
“Not as well as I’d like to,” he muttered, a little sadness lacing his tone now. “I think she buries herself in work. I mean, we were both supposed to be on the morning shift for today, but I switched things around so I could get the eveningshift instead since I had to work the night. Leah is the kind of person who prefers to work doubles. I do that occasionally, too and let me tell you this; it drains you. I think she thrives on it, the more work she has to do, the more content she is, you know? But I think it takes a toll on her social life.” He cocked his head to the side with a little shrug. Emily nodded her head slowly to his words. She had nothing to say to that, because she didn’t know what to say. 
“Do you know what happened to her?” She decided to ask instead, wondering what happened in order to give Leah those not so lovely bruises. She had her theories, but right now she had little to nothing to go on. 
“No one really knows,” Dr. Ruiz shrugged. “Another employee was headed home and found her by her car in the garage. From what I heard she was unconscious and they brought her up to the ER to get checked out. I haven’t really had the chance to talk to her yet. I was headed down to see her when I ran into you guys.” 
“Okay,” Emily nodded along and the doctor stood up from his seat. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. 
“Are you a colleague of that federal agent who was admitted last night?” He asked. Emily nodded. 
“Yes, and we’re investigating the case. That’s why we want to talk to your colleague, get the full picture,” she told him, leaving out the parts he didn’t need to know. 
“Do you think the same person who shot your agent came after Leah?” He asked with a frown on his face. That thought had just crossed Emily’s mind as well, but she still couldn’t be sure. Perhaps the other unsub had lashed out on her. Dominant and submissive partnerships like that hardly ever worked out, especially if the dominant didn’t include the submissive in the whole process. Or if the submissive felt too subjected. 
“That’s what we’re here to find out.” Emily offered him her best tight lipped smile. 
“You know… We worked on him when he was rushed in, before he went into surgery. She probably doesn’t want to admit it, but she was pretty shaken up about it,” he told her. This time it was Emily’s turn to frown. 
“Shaken up how?” She asked. This was news to her. 
“You know, just upset I guess,” he tried to explain, but it didn’t bring any clarity. He must have noticed that Emily needed more because he continued. “Leah… she beats herself up over… pretty much anything. I mean, if she loses a patient on her watch she takes that personally, even though it’s not her fault or responsibility. That’s her only flaw, I guess. She cares so much, too much sometimes. And when stuff like this happens, the wheels keep turning. I guess she blames herself? For not being there. She said stuff like if she hadn’t got called in then maybe she would’ve left at the same time as your agent, and maybe he wouldn’t have gotten shot. I tried to tell her to forget about it, but I guess some things you just can’t leave alone,” he shrugged his shoulders. Emily could only offer him a sad smile. She understood it a little more. If this was the kind of person Clarewater made everyone believe she was then it wasn’t weird that she had Reid fooled. But the more she thought about it, the more it made her doubt that maybe this woman wasn’t putting on an act after all. But she couldn’t go there just yet. They still needed to see this through before they could even concidder dropping her as a suspect.
The doctor bid his farewell after that, telling her he had to get back to work. She offered her gratitude before he left, to which he simply replied to with a smile. As Emily waited for their suspect to be done with her check up, she called up Garcia, gave her a heads up about what was going on and told her to see if there was any surveillance by the employee parking. If Clarewater had been attacked there then maybe the cameras had captured her assailant on video. She was just about to call Hotch to let him know as well when she spotted him at the end of the hall. Morgan and J.J. were at his side so she waved them over. 
“Dave told us what happened,” Hotch said as he approached. “Where is she?” 
“They’re doing a few tests to rule out braininjury,” Emily said as she nodded her head towards the closed door. “She looked pretty beat up so I think it’s gonna take a while until we get to interview her.” 
“Garcia just texted me and said she was attacked by her car?” Hotch asked and Emily nodded. 
“That’s where she was found,” she confirmed. “Listen, Hotch… I just gotta say… there’s something off about all of this.” 
“Yeah, I feel it too.” J.J. said. 
“Everyone I’ve talked to so far today says she’s a good girl, has her traumas, sure, but the way they describe her… I just don’t think she’s the one we’re after.” Emily felt the need to be honest with her coworkers. There were times when they’d uprehend the wrong suspect or they had their profile all wrong, and no one liked those moments. But they still needed to play this right. “Could we have made a rushed decision here?” They all looked at Hotch to hear what he had to say. He looked a little uncertain as if he too had no idea what right move was. 
“Morgan, I want you and Prentiss to head down to the garage. See if there’s anything there that might help us. J.J., I want you to check on Reid, see if Garcia might need a break. I’m taking Dave with me to the coroner’s. They’ve just re-exhumed Anthony Garland’s body to see if they can determine the cause of death. It appears it might take some time for Leah Clarewater to be ready to talk, but when she is, I want you to do it, Prentiss. You’ve talked to her coworkers, see if there’s anything that doesn’t add up with their stories versus hers. Take the garage first, though. I’ll let the doctors know we want to talk to her before she gets discharged.” Hotch’s message was clear and they all nodded their agreement. 
Emily followed Morgan to the parkingstructure next to the hospital. When they got there local authorities and CSI were already on scene. Wow, these people worked fast. They flashed their badge and gave the unit chief a runthrough of why they were there. The floor which Clarewater’s car was parked on was surprisingly empty so it wasn’t strange that no one had seen what had gone down. Including Clarewater’s Emily could spot about fifteen cars when there was probably space for closer to a hundred. 
“We think she was assaulted over here,” the unit chief said, pointing to the ground next to the driver’s side of the car. “We think the suspect came up behind her, smashed her head into the car a couple of times before throwing her to the ground,” he informed them and that seemed to be a pretty adequate guess. There was a dent on the edge by the roof of her car and some traces of blood. On the ground there were scuffmarks and a few smaller pools of blood. 
“Sir.?” A voice from the other side of the car called their attention. “Found it in the glovecompartment.” The man who spoke was standing in the space between the open passangerdoor and the car itself. He had a gun hanging from the tips of his glovecovered fingers. 
“What caliber is that?” Emily asked. 
“It appears to be .45,” the man told her. Emily turned to look at Morgan. 
“Our missing gun,” he nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. “Chief, we have a murderinvestigation going on. Can you rush a ballisticstest on that gun to see if it matches?” 
“Sure can do,” he told them. “But that gun’s probably the victim’s, though, since it was found in her car.” 
“We’re aware,” Emily countered back, not offering any more information. He gave her a strange look, but didn’t say anything else on the matter. There wasn’t really much to do around the crime-scene, so Emily and Morgan decided not to hover for very long. They’d seen what they needed to and until they’d get the results from the various tests they had little to go on. They stopped by the cafeteria on their way, both in desperate need of fuel. They had been running different errands since the morning and Emily hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. They used half an hour or so for their break, briefing the rest of their team on their findings while eating. 
“Do you think it was that nurse?” Morgan asked once they finally had some peace and quiet, even with noise of other people around them. 
“Do you?” Emily countered back. She was still a little reluctant about sharing her thoughts. 
“I mean, part of me wants to just so we have the right suspect. If it’s not her, then we’re not making any headway,” he shrugged. “But I have this… feeling, like something isn’t adding up.” 
“It never really adds up, though,” Emily said. It was true, even when they were 100% certain they’d caught the right guy, there was always a minor detail or two which didn’t make sense to them. It usually always made sense to the unsub, but their logic wasn’t always rational. 
“True, but still.” Morgan huffed before taking a sip of his coffee. 
“I don’t think it’s her either,” Emily finally said, offering some sort of comfort in telling him he wasn’t the only one who experienced doubt in that moment. “She could be really manipulative with the people around her, but that doctor I talked to earlier… He said that she’d been really worried about Reid. And you can’t fake concern like that.”
“She could be worried about getting caught,” Morgan countered. This conversation really wasn’t going anywhere. They were just throwing out suggestions and the other one shooting them down. It wasn’t because none of them were right or wrong, it was just because none of them really had any idea if Clarewater was the unsub or not. And when they didn’t know for certain, no suggestion was right nor wrong. It was kind of like Schrodinger’s cat which Reid had once told her about. 
“I just feel bad for Reid,” she mumbled, followed by a sigh. 
“He’ll live,” Morgan shrugged nonchalantly, even though she knew he was just as concerned. “It’s Reid, he’ll pull through.” 
“I sure hope so,” Emily said, staring at a blank spot over Morgan’s head as she absentmindly started picking at her cuticles. 
“Hey, stop that now!” He scolded at her. “You’ll talk to her later and then you’ll know for sure. I trust your instinct. You can get the vibe whether a person is good or bad within a five minute conversation. If you think she’s the one, then she’s probably the one. If you don’t think she’s the one, then she’s probably not the one. Okay? Easy as that.” He put his hand on top of hers and she was grateful for the small gesture. It did sound awfully easy when he put it like that. 
“Okay.” She nodded, offering him a smile to tell him she was good. “They haven’t called yet, so do you wanna head up and check on Reid?” Morgan’s smile brightened at that and he agreed. They put their mostly empty trays of food away, but grabbed their still full coffeecups on the way. When they got back to the ICU Emily noted that Anderson, another federal agent, had arrived and stood stationed outside of Reid’s room. They both greeted him before opening the door and walking inside. Through the window Emily had seen that both J.J. and Garcia were sitting by Reid’s bed so she assumed he had calmed down from his previous lash out. 
“How you doing, kid?” Morgan asked. 
“Fine,” Reid’s reply was short and simple. He probably still wasn’t in the mood for talking. 
“He doesn’t want any updates on the nurse,” J.J. spoke up gently, carefully threading water. Emily’s phone vibrated in her pocket so she fished it out, seeing that there was a number she hadn’t saved. She excused herself before leaving the room. Accepting the call, she pressed the phone to her ear. 
“This is Prentiss,” she answered. 
“Hi! I’m calling from the Neurology unit at Inova Fairfax Hospital. My notes says that you wanted me to call you on an update with Leah Clarewater,” There was a man who spoke in a very high pitched voice, kind of like Reid’s. 
“Oh, yes!” Emily answered. “Is she awake?” 
“We decided to admit her for the night, just as a precaution. But she’s awake and coherent, so if you want to see her that should be fine now.” 
“Okay, great! I’ll be right over!” Emily said before hanging up the phone. She poked her head in through Reid’s door before she left, just saying she was leaving for a few minutes. Reid hadn’t wanted to know anything, so she didn’t say where she was going. Morgan would know and that was enough. 
The hospital was a maze, but she eventually found her way to Neurology. With the help of some lovely nurse she managed to locate Clarewater’s room which was at the very end of the hall. She knocked purposefully on the door, waiting a second before opening it. She poked her head in to see that the person she was looking for was laying down in the bed. 
“Hey,” Emily greeted her as she closed the door behind her. “Do you remember me?” She asked as she took a seat in one of the empty chairs. Emily thought it was strange. Clarewater was in her own clothes which  had a few stains of blood dried on them, there were no IVs or other kinds of medical equipment connected to her, nothing to indicate she was sick. While Reid had an IV hooked up constantly and a hospitalgown on he still looked far healthier than she did. It was just a funny thought. 
“I do, but I must apologise for not recalling the name,” Clarewater sighed. She didn’t sound irritated, just tired. Emily could only imagine. 
“Don’t worry about it,” she smiled. “My name is Emily Prentiss.” 
“Okay,” the blonde mumbled. “Sorry, I’m just really dizzy and my head is kind of a mess so I probably won’t be able to remember that in, like, five minutes.” 
“That’s fine,” Emily assured her. 
“You, uh… wanted to talk to me about Spencer?” She lifted her head as if she wanted to look at Emily, but she was wearing a pair of dark, huge sunglasses so it was hard to meet her eyes. Emily took note that she referred to Reid by his firstname. 
“Yes, but let’s start with what happened to you in parkinggarage.” 
“I honestly don’t remember much.” The nurse leaned forward a little in the bed and rubbed her forehead with both her hands. 
“Just tell me what you remember,” Emily offered. 
“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I was just headed for my car when this guy came up behind me.” 
“Do you remember what he looked like?” Emily asked. “Was he tall? Short? Bald perhaps? Did he have any tattoos? Do you remember anything that could help us find him?” 
“He was, uhm… tall, I think? I mean, he was taller than me, but I’m, like, five-foot-two so basically everyone’s taller than me,” she explained. “And… um, I didn’t really see his face or anything. At least I don’t think so. I honestly can’t remember. Sorry, my mind’s a mess right now.” She looked up and even though Emily couldn’t see her eyes she knew she was looking sad about it. 
“That’s fine. It’s normal not to remember everything right away. And you served some pretty bad blows to the head, so really… Don’t feel bad,” Emily offered her a genuine smile. “Let’s not focus on the details. Can you remember what happened? Was he behind you the whole time or was there a time where you were facing him?” 
“No, he, uhm… He came up behind me and smashed my face into the car. Like, hard and repeatedly. Then he threw me down on the ground, on my back, and then he got on top of me. I think I must have closed my eyes or something, because I can’t actually remember seeing his face.” Clarewater explained. 
“Are you sure? Try to think really hard.” Emily told her as she made mental notes as to what she was telling her. 
“No, you don’t… It’s hard to explain. It’s not like I can’t remember what he looked like, it’s like I can’t remember if I saw him or not. I don’t know how else to explain it, sorry.” She chuckled a little at that before wincing and clutching a hand to her forehead again. 
“It’s fine, we’ll come back to that.” Emily assured her. “What happened next?” 
“Well, he… got on top of me and started strangling me. And I think I must’ve… fought back or something, because I scratched him and he didn’t like that. So he sorta… lifted me by the front of my shirt and slammed me back down, like, slamming my head against the ground. And he did that a few times and I think I passed out from that, because I… can’t really remember anything after that.” 
“Wait, you scratched him?” Emily backtracked a little. That was the most important part of her story so far. 
“Yeah, I… I think I must’ve,” she said, holding her hands out. Emily noted that her nails were clipped short, as a nurse’s nails should be, and there was a little blood and what looked like skin under a few of them. 
“I’m gonna have someone come up later and collect a sample. There might be some DNA there which can help us find this guy,” Emily informed her and Clarewater dropped her hands again. “Do you remember anything else about him? Did he say anything?” 
“Yeah, he… he did, but I don’t think it means anything.” She said with a shrug. 
“What exactly did he say?” 
“He said… He said ‘Heathens be heathens. Heathens be scapegoats’.” Her voice was slightly shaky as she spoke and that made Emily frown as well. What did that mean? 
“And that doesn’t mean anything to you?” Emily asked. 
“Why would it?” She scoffed. “I don’t know, that’s what he said.” 
“Alright,” Emily nodded. “Do you need a little break?” Emily felt the need to ask. Clarewater seemed… a little shaken up, but fine considering all things. Most victims would be a crying mess halfway through telling their stories, but she wasn’t. She seemed noticeably upset, sure, but not nearly what Emily would expect. She still couldn’t tell if it was whatever medication she might be on or the concussion or if it was something else. 
“I just wanna get this over with so I can get some rest.” Clarewater responded, sounding tired so Emily could understand her desire for sleep. “You wanted to talk about your agent?” 
“Yes,” Emily said, still a little certain about how to proceed. “We just want to get the timeline right. So, we’re looking into everyone he saw before he got shot and everyone he-” she started explaining before she was cut off. 
“Wait, wait, wait,” Clarewater shook her head a little, as if she was trying to grasp something. “What do you mean ‘looking into’?” She asked. Emily’s mouth fell open a little at the defensive tone the other woman had. “Am I a suspect? Is that what this is?” Emily could understand that she’d feel upset about the accusations, but she found herself growing frustrated as well. It was kind of like a defensemechanism for Emily. 
“Look, here’s what I know,” She said, keeping her voice stern. “You were the last person to see Dr. Reid before he was shot-”
“I was already at work when he got shot!” Clarewater interrupted. She almost screaming and that must have hurt her head, but she didn’t show it. 
“You’ve visited his room on multiple occasions after he got admitted, some of those visits unnecessary, won’t you say? You don’t seem the least bit concerned about what happened to yourself and you’re in a rush to get out of here. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that screams guilty to me and I don’t know what exactly you’re guilty for but I still have to follow all leads,” Emily told her and tried to look somewhat in the center of the sunglasses as if she was trying to maintain eye contact. She looked at her for a long moment before the woman eventually took the glasses off. She winced a little, shutting her eyes for a few seconds before opening them. She blinked a little against the light before she spoke up. 
“Why would I shoot Spencer? I barely even know him. It doesn’t make any sense,” She said, her voice a more normal level now. 
“Sometimes it just doesn’t make any sense,” Emily told her, keeping her voice in a lower tone to match the other woman’s. “Listen… Is it okay if I call you Leah?” Emily asked to which the other woman just shrugged. “I’m gonna be completely honest with you. Me and my team, Dr. Reid included… We’re profilers. We investigate murders and other criminalcases and we evaluate the evidence. Based on that evidence we make a profile of what we think that killer is like, how they act, their education, social life, etcetera. And you do fit that profile, Leah. And I’m only telling you this because Reid… he thinks you’re innocent. So, I owe it to him to be honest with you so you can be honest with me.” Emily watched as her eyes glossed over. She looked genuinely upset. 
“You said murder…” She trailed off at the end. “Is Spencer… Is he dead? He was fine when I left the ICU. God, please don’t tell me he’s dead.” She started crying then and that reaction put even more doubt into Emily’s mind. One thing was telling her that she was in the same room as the unsub they were looking for, another thing told her the opposite. It was a tough case, but she remembered Morgan’s previous words and she was adamant to leave that room with more answers than questions. 
“Reid is fine, but we assume that whoever shot him might come back,” Emily decided to just be completely honest. 
“And you still think that’s me?” Clarewater asked, sniffing through her tears. “You actually think I did this?” 
“Prove it wasn’t,” was all Emily could say. 
“Yeah, because how do I prove I didn’t shoot anyone?” She laughed darkly at that, even through her tears which were falling more rapidly now. 
“How about you start with telling me why your reaction’s so off?” Emily offered. Right now that was the most pressing concern she had. 
“Why? Because I’m not curled up in the corner like some baby and feeling sorry for myself?” She scoffed. 
“That might be a good place to start,” Emily nodded. She watched as the other woman fiddled a little in the bed before moving to the end of it. 
“I just… need to move around for a second,” she sighed, slowly getting up. Emily shot to her feet, afraid Clarewater would fall again. She didn’t go to grab her, just getting ready in case something were to happen. “I’m fine,” she assured her. Once Emily was sure she was actually okay to stand on her own she let the woman move freely. 
“Take your time,” Emily said as Clarewater moved to stand by the window. She just looked out it for probably five minutes straight, her face was unreadable. She looked drained of emotions, completely numb. 
“Are you gonna tell Spencer about any of this?” She finally asked after a long moment of silence. 
“Do you want me to?” Emily asked back. 
“No, I honestly don’t want him to know.” 
“Alright, then whatever you say to me will not reach his ear. He’s off the case completely now, he said he didn’t want any involvement after we brought you up as a possible suspect,” Emily decided that if she was to get any answers she had to just be honest. She owed that to Reid and to Clarewater. 
“He’s too good, you know?” She said, turning her head so she could look at Emily. She had a sad smile on her lips. Emily wondered what she meant by that. “So, you said you’re… profilers? Does that mean you… like, did a background check on me?” 
“We did, yes,” Emily answered. 
“So, you know about Sam?” 
“That’s your brother, right?” 
“Yeah,” Clarewater sighed, making her way over to the other chair which was on the other side of the bed. She slumped down in it. She looked… exhausted, there really wasn’t any other way of putting it. “I don’t know how much you know, but I was with him the day he disappeared. And I… just never stopped blaming myself for that. He had been right there. Right there! And in a split second he was gone. And I blamed myself and eventually the police gave up looking and then my parents started blaming me as well… And all this time I still wish it was me and not him. I never got to know what happened to him, but I can only imagine. And whatever horrible things he might have experienced, I still wish it was me and not him.” She explained and Emily felt a little bad for her. She could really understand her struggles, but that still didn’t give her a clear answer. “I don’t tell a lot of people that. Actually, I’ve probably never told anyone that. I’ve told some people about Sammy, though, just not… Anyway, I think it’s clear to say I don’t really care about myself. I mean, I’m not exactly stupid and I know that when people tell me it’s not healthy to have those thoughts, I realize that they’re right, but I just don’t care. I guess I care more about other’s than I do about myself.” She finished with a shrug. 
“Leah, don’t take this the wrong way… but are you depressed?” Emily had to ask because the way she talked very much suggested that she was. Clarewater paused for a moment. 
“Look, as I said I’m not stupid. I’m not gonna sit here and lie when I’m quite literary trying to clear my name. I don’t think I’m depressed, but then again most depressed people think that… but there’s a possibility. I… tend to bury myself in work rather than feel my… emotions, feelings whatever. I don’t like feeling vulnerable, I don’t like feeling sad and I realize that I do not exactly have a healthy relationship with my emotions… but I didn’t do this. I didn’t shoot Spencer. Enough people around me have been hurt and I don’t ever want to be the reason for that again.” Tears were streaming down her face again towards the end of her speech. Emily felt the urge to hug her, something she had never done before with a suspect. 
“Leah, listen to me… You did not hurt your brother. You are not the reason he’s gone. I know it’s hard, but try to believe me when I say that you did nothing wrong. Nothing,” Emily spoke sternly, putting pressure on all the right words. Clarewater raised her eyes to look at her. 
“So… Do you believe me?” She asked. “I would never hurt Spencer, at least not on purpose. I know I’m fucked up. Sorry for cursing, by the way. I know I’m messed up, but I wouldn’t go around shooting someone. And especially not Spencer. He… he’s possibly one of the best people I’ve ever met.” Emily had to smile at that last part. 
“You know, he said the exact same thing about you.” She knew it wasn’t her place to tell, but she realized this woman needed to hear some positive words right now. 
“He did?” Clarewater asked. Her eyes were still glassy. “So, you believe me?” And that was the question, wasn’t it. It had an easy answer now. 
“Yes, Leah. I believe you,” Emily told her honestly. “I’m gonna be honest with you now and you need to hear this. The people we usually hunt, they’re like you. They’ve had a bad childhood or have some mental disorders, or something else to make them lash out… But not everyone who experiences trauma becomes killers. Some people are like you, they spend all their time and effort on helping others. You do need to remember, though, that you have to take care of yourself as well, okay?” 
“I try…” Clarewater said in a hushed voice. “Or actually, that’s a lie. I want to try. I guess it’s just easier to take care of others than myself.” 
“Maybe you should start by doing that, put yourself first?” Emily suggested. 
“Maybe,” she shrugged, but Emily had a feeling she wouldn’t take that suggestion to heart. It wasn’t her place to say anything on the matter, not really, but oh how she wanted to. This woman had been through enough. 
“I still have a few questions before we’re done, is that okay?” Emily asked, deciding it would best to just hurry things along so Clarewater could get some rest. “We found a gun in your car… Is there any reason you have it?” The woman fiddled a little in her seat, as if she didn’t quite want to answer the question. Emily actually believed that Clarewater wasn’t behind this, not anymore, but there were still so many questions and evidence still pointing towards her. 
“Would you buy it if I said it’s for protection?” She asked, looking up at Emily through her lashes. “I want to be honest here, but I also really don’t want to get into detail about that… I bought the gun… years ago and it is for protection. I’ve never even fired it and it has nothing to do with Spencer so do I really have to go into details?” She looked genuinely uncomfortable, so Emily decided to let it go. But she still had some things to say on the matter. 
“Hey, why you got it is actually none of my concern. It’s what you use it for that we’re interested in. I have to tell you this, since you’re still technically a suspect until we’ve ruled out everything, but we’re gonna test the gun, just to see if matches the gun we’re looking for. If it doesn’t, then there’s no problem here,” Emily informed her. She nodded shortly. “I also need to ask you about last night. We just need to hear your side of what happened after you left the library.” 
“I uhm… I was just trying to read this book at the library. And I know this is probably gonna make me sound… even more suspect, I guess, but I’m hardly ever there. I just… lately I’ve been having a lot on my mind and I already explained how I am with emotions… I just couldn’t be at home alone, so I decided to just… head out. So, I went to the library and apparently I left my card by the printer. Spencer found it and returned it to me since I was still there,” she explained. Emily nodded for her to continue. It didn’t make her more of a suspect in her eyes, especially since she now believed closer to 90% that this woman wasn’t who they were looking for. “We got to talking, because… You know, he seemed nice. We didn’t really talk that much, because I got called into work around… I’m sorry, I know when they called and I know when I arrived, but my head’s still kind of a mess.” 
“We checked and you clocked in at nine-fourty-eight,” Emily offered. Garcia had checked earlier. 
“Yeah… that sounds about right. I always clock in the minute I walk into work. And if I remember correctly then they called around half something, so probably nine-thirty. It’s in my phone, so I can just check to make sure.” She said. 
“No need, that seems to fit with the timeline.” Emily respond. “So, let’s say it took you around fifteen minutes to get from the library to work, does that sound right to you? You didn’t make any stops along the way?” The team had already checked this, estimating that with the light traffic so late at night it would probably take about ten minutes to drive that distance, and given the time it would take to park, get from the parking garage, change clothes and clock in fifteen-twenty minutes seemed more than plausible. 
“No, I just headed straight in. They said it was an all hands on deck situation, so I got here as fast as I could.” She answered. 
“Alright, that seems to match our timeline.” Emily told her. “I think that is enough for right now.” 
“That’s… it?” 
“Yeah, that’s it.” Emily offered the most reassuring smile she could muster. She had everything she needed. Sure, they’d have to wait for the ballisticstest on her gun to come back, but she already assumed that wouldn’t be a problem. “As I said before, we’re still going to check your gun, just a procedure. But if the test comes back negative then we can officially drop you as a suspect.”
“So… you actually believe me? This isn’t some kind of trick is it? Because I’ve been nothing but honest and if this-”
“Leah, I believe you.” Emily interrupted her, leaning forward in her seat a little. “Okay? I believe you.” She said it again, just to make sure Clarewater understood that she was genuine. Her initial response was to let out a shaky breath.
“Thank you,” she breathed out, her eyes watering a little again. “I mean, I shouldn’t be thanking you for not thinking I’m some lunatic who just goes around shooting random people, but… thank you.” Emily couldn’t help but laugh at that and suddenly she could see why Reid likes her so much. 
“There’s no need to thank me, Leah. I just wanted answers and you were honest with me. That’s all I needed to know.” Emily shrugged. 
“But you still thought I did this… and I still swear I didn’t, but doesn’t that… like, leave you back to square one?” Clarewater asked. 
“It kind of does,” Emily agreed. “But we’ll catch whoever is behind this.” That caught Clarewater’s attention. 
“Do you think whoever shot Spencer might be the same person who attacked me?” Emily had to purse her lips a little. 
“It’s a theory,” she said. “But you being the person who shot Reid was also just a theory. So, it might just be a theory and nothing more than a theory.” 
“I’m still a mess and that was a lot of ‘theory’s in the same sentence.” Clarewater said while shaking her head, looking a little lost. Emily found herself chuckling again. “But I think I got the point.” 
“I’m sorry,” Emily said, a little sheepishly. “I should probably let you get some rest now. It’s been a long day for you, so remember what I told you about trying to take care of yourself, okay?” She nodded, but Emily still had her doubts about wether she’d actually listen to those words. 
“I’m sorry, but what was your name again? I know it was something on ‘E’, I just think my brain is shutting down now.” Clarewater asked. 
“Emily.” She smiled. 
“Is it okay if I call you Emily or do you prefer Agent… something else I don’t remember.” Now that Clarewater was unofficially ruled out as a suspect Emily realized that she started to like her.
“Emily is just fine.” She replied.
“I know this is gonna sound really inappropriate, but can I hug you?” That was a really inappropriate request, but one that Emily couldn’t find it in herself to deny. So, she rose from her seat and the other woman met her halfway. They embraced and it wasn’t this earthshattering experience. There was no crying on the shoulder, no messing up make-up, just a comforting hug. But Emily found it that she had needed a hug just as much as Clarewater had. 
“You try to get some rest, okay?” Emily said, stroking the other woman’s back a final time before stepping back. “I’m gonna have someone come in soon so they can collect the DNA-sample from your fingernails. And we might have some more questions for you later regarding your own assault, but for tonight I think you should just rest. Is that okay?” Clarewater nodded and went back over to her bed. She laid down in it, drawing the blankets around her. 
“Hey, uhm, Emily?” She asked just as Emily was about to leave. 
“Yeah?” 
“You said if I remembered anything?” Clarewater started. “The man who attacked me… I’m pretty sure he was an addict or something.”
“What makes you say that?” Emily frowned. 
“Or maybe not addict, but he was really irrational. When he… said those words, he said it when he was slamming my head into the ground. And he… Well, he was so angry, but his voice was calm. It was like his body was full of rage, but his mind wasn’t, if you know what I mean?” Clearwater explained and Emily did. “He just… he wasn’t sane is what I’m saying. I guess that’s something important for you to know.” 
“It is.” Emily assured her. “It really is. Thank you, Leah. Now if there’s anything else, no matter how small the detail may be, then call me, okay?” Emily picked a card out of her pocket and left it on the nightstand before deciding she had occupied enough of Clarewater’s time. 
“Thank you.” She smiled. “You’ll look out for Spencer, right? He’s a good guy.” 
“Of course we will. He has a whole team behind him who cares about him very much.” 
“That’s good. He deserves that.” Clarewater smiled once more and Emily took that as her que to leave. She almost didn’t even get out of the room before she called someone to collect the DNA-sample, feeling like that might answer one question if they’d get a match. Even though she walked out of Neurology feeling ten times lighter, she still felt like the more answers she’d gotten, the more questions popped up. 
She returned to the ICU to find Morgan standing outside of Reid’s door, phone to his ear. She decided to wait for him to finish talking, so she started a friendly conversation with Anderson. 
“What’d the girl say?” Morgan asked once he’d hung up. 
“I don’t think it’s her.” Emily sighed, getting right to the important part. 
“Well, ballistics agree with you.” He informed her and Emily’s eyes went wide. 
“You got the report already?” 
“Well, I told the chief to put a rush on it and what can I say? They really put a rush on it.” He laughed. Emily felt even lighter now. 
“So, the gun didn’t match, then?” Emily asked, just to be sure. 
“No. That was the gun expert I just talked to. He said he didn’t even need to test it since the gun hadn’t been fired in a while. He actually concluded that the gun had never been fired. But he did a testround anyway just to be sure and it doesn’t match.” So, Clarewater really had been telling the truth. Not that Emily had doubted that after the heart to heart they’d had, but it was good to have a solid piece of evidence as well. 
“So, does that mean we can rule her out then?” Emily asked and Morgan shrugged. 
“I mean, we still gotta brief the rest of the team and hear what Hotch has to say, but to me it’s a pretty straight case. We have no evidence tying her to any of the shootings or murders, we’ve all had mixed feelings about her, your good peopleknowing skills speak in her favour… And Reid’s as well. I say she’s no longer a suspect.” Morgan shrugged and Emily had never once in her life been so relieved that they’d caught the wrong person. 
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arhvste · 4 years ago
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TSUKISHIMA KEI - IMPOSSIBLE AND INSUFFERABLE PART 3
this is it y’all the chapter you’ve been dying for
hara bullying hour is officially in session bitches 😈
i will fix any grammar errors tomorrow my fellow simps now have fun reading about little bitch hara’s downfall
part 1 part 2
Tsukishima had exited his classroom after the last bell had rung still in the same foul mood he found himself to be trapped in as of late.
“Tsukishima!”
Hinata bounded towards the tall boy with a big smile on his face.
His foul mood had worsened in nanoseconds.
“What.” he coldly spat at the energetic ginger.
“You’re coming with me. Captain's orders.”
Tsukishima frowned and reluctantly obliged as he followed Hinata into the clubroom where Daichi was sitting on the table alone with what looked like an ipad.
Opening the door, Daichi welcomed him with a warm smile to which Tsukishima tried to reciprocate even though it was clear the clubroom was not where he wanted to be.
“Hey Tsukishima, I have a few people to talk to you right now. I need to run some errands before practice. I’ll meet you in the gym once you’re done, take as much time as you need though, I’ll see you shortly.”
“Thanks for the concern but I’m really okay.”
Daichi had already left Tsukishima and the ipad in the clubroom alone. Irritated, Tsukishima sat down on the table and picked up the ipad only to instantly pull a face of disgust.
“Why? Why you of all people.”
“And what an absolute pleasure it is to see you too Tsuki.”
There on the screen showed the captains and setters of Fukurodani and Nekoma. Bokuto sat there with a wide grin on his face, excited to be talking to one of his ‘students’ as he liked to call and next to him, Kuroo who was smiling smugly at the agitated middle blocker. Akaashi and Kenma in the background were seen keeping an eye on their captains to make sure they weren’t crossing the line of invasion for poor Tsukishima.
“Whatever you’re about to say to me I’m not interested, thanks.”
“But Tsukiiiiiiii!” Bokuto whined pouting through the camera.
“Let your wonderful and wise Senpais give you advice and take advantage of it.” Kuroo smoothly spoke, propping his hand under his chin.
“No.” Tsukishima wanted to end the call right there and then but, a small part of him felt bad for both Kenma and Akaashi having to waste their time being there too so he opted to not hit the tempting ‘end’ button just yet.
“Listen, we heard you had a rough break up and we want to give you some advice.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes before he spoke. “So enlighten me, my two most wonderful and clever senpais.” sarcasm dripping from every single word.
“See Kuroo! He does love and respect us!” Bokuto was beaming as he shook his fellow captain and friends' shoulders slightly.
“He might respect you but I can assure you Tsukishima-san is far from loving you.”
“Akaashi don’t say that!” Bokuto cried out pouting once again.
“Honestly Tsuki, you didn’t seem like the type that would suffer from heartbreak to me. Guess I was wrong.”
Tsukishima was ready to cut the rooster headed captain off right then and there but Kuroo began to speak again.
“You also didn’t seem like someone who disliked volleyball either at first but I was wrong about that too. Look, your ex-girlfriend obviously meant more to you than what you’re choosing to insist but if it’s affecting your plays I’m going to need you to do something about it. I quite enjoy playing against you simple country folk. You are good opponents I’ll give you that, but you won’t be if your playing ability starts to deteriorate.”
“Yeah what he said! Tsuki, how did you even get a girlfriend anyway? If I was a girl I’d run 7 miles from you with that mean glare. But anyway, snap out of your bad mood and go get her back if you’re still hung up on her. If she has this affect on you she must mean something to you right? Do it go get her back kid.”
“You two sure do have a lot to say for a pair of relationship virgins.” Kenma quietly spoke up.
“Kenma! If I wanted to be so brutally attacked I would’ve asked Yaku.” Kuroo feigned an offended look.
“He’s right though.”
“Akaashi stop or I will cry.” Bokuto turned and threatened his close friend only to have him roll his eyes back at him.
“Look, Y/N I mean L/N, had a long relationship with me I think it’s normal for me to be slightly off my game for a short while. Why is it such a big deal and why can’t you all just mind your own business. Focus on getting yourselves girlfriends, if that's even possible, before trying to get me back together with my ex one.”
“Listen here young one -”
“Oh here we go.” Kenma mumbled.
Kuroo paid no mind to him as he continued. “- Myself and Bo are ever so busy. We’re third years and captains. We have no time for girls but I can assure you we both have the option to have one if we want whenever we want.”
“No you can't. Girls find your hair stupid and probably don’t find chemistry puns funny or attractive.”
“Kenma! Are you here to help or to bully me?”
“Both.”
Bokuto snickered but was silenced by Akaashi’s sharp voice.
“Stop laughing Bokuto-san you’re no better. The closest you’ve gotten to a girl is our managers who babysit you if anything and you still owe one of them money.”
Bokuto’s face dropped as Kuroo’s smirk widened.
“Kuroo stop laughing.”
“I’m not laughing.”
“Are too.”
“Am not.”
The bickering between the Tokyo prefecture students went back and forth until Bokuto stood up to chase Kuroo around who had grabbed Kenma to help him.
Tsukishima had just about had it and had his finger hovering above the ‘end’ button.
Akaashi took it upon himself to pick up the device they were communicating through and leave the room Kenma was currently trapped in with the two child-like captains.
“My apologies for the two of them, they're a handful. But what they’re saying does hold some value. Tsukishima-san, you’re a talented player and sure this must be something you’re trying hard to overcome but, I do think Bokuto-san and Kuroo-san are somewhat right. This girl clearly means something to you and keeping yourself in denial won’t help you. It’s important to keep control of personal issues as it will affect your performance in a match otherwise emotions build up and you’ll lose focus.”
Tsukishima was taken aback slightly. Akaashi was never one to speak up often, only giving his input when needed unlike his friend who would talk for the sake of it. Tsukishima had genuine respect for Akaashi and had decided that from their meeting at the training camp. He was someone Tsukishima found level headed and honest. Someone worthy of giving their opinion in Tsukishima’s head anyway.
“Yeah. I’ll give it some thought. Thank you for your time Akaashi-san I look forward to our next meeting.”
“My pleasure Tsukishima-san and if Bokuto-san bothers you, don’t hesitate to contact me and I’ll sort it out for you.”
“You’re like his babysitter.”
“He needs one. He has the mental age of a 5 year old. He is still a good captain with good intentions though. Same goes for Kuroo-san. They are concerned for you and want you to know that they are here if you need them. They’ve really taken a shine to you.”
Tsukishima almost smiled. Sure the two loud third years were irritating and provoking at times, they had changed his perspective on volleyball and it was thanks to them he found himself fall in love with the sport he played. He only wished he had the girl he loved too. Not that he’d ever admit that out loud though.
“I do somewhat appreciate them, I suppose. Anyway I had better go. Sorry for all the trouble Akaashi-san, please apologise to Kozume-san too.”
“No worries, take care and I hope to see the usual or improved standard of yourself when we next play.”
“I’ll try.”
And with that the call had ended. Tsukishima didn’t want to admit it but the points Kuroo and Bokuto had made to him did make some sort of sense and he was silently grateful to them.
Entering the gym felt good for the first time in a while.
Nodding at Daichi, Tsukishima participated in the usual drills coach Ukai was running. Keeping to himself, Tsukishima thought over the current situation and evaluated his options. He wanted to talk to you again but his pride wouldn’t allow it. Not while you apparently have a new boyfriend. That stupid Hara Itsuki none the less too.
-
2 weeks had passed since then and to Tsukishima’s annoyance, both Bokuto and Kuroo made it their responsibility to contact him every few days to check on his progress and wellbeing. Sure he was technically their rivals, but neither Kuroo or Bokuto cared. They saw Tsukishima as a worthy and respectable opponent and someone they wanted to be good role models to.
The rumours had begun to die down much to your relief and you had decided to distance yourself from Hara ever so slightly to discourage people from getting the wrong idea. Hara noticed this and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all.
-
5pm at Karasuno highschool was usually a peaceful time. Volleyball practice had ended and very few students were left on campus.
Tsukishima had been making his way out of practice when his phone rang. Another facetime call came up on his screen and immediately his face scrunched up.
“Don’t you have anyone else to bother?”
“Nope ~”
Tsukishima snarled as he made his way to his locker to grab his biology textbook before heading home.
“Hang on I’m gonna add Bo to the call.”
“Must you? I can just about handle you both one on one and I don’t even like doing that.”
“Such a sharp tongue Tsuki. I only hope you're working on your blocks and observations to be just as sharp again.”
“Hey, hey hey Tsuki!”
“Ugh.”
The two captains spoke to each other briefly as Tsukishima kept them on the call while unlocking his locker until a familiar voice piqued his interest.
“Shush for a sec would you.”
Tsukishima demanded the two third years as they stopped and stopped talking.
The blonde first year could hear your voice nearby and from what it sounded like you were in slight distress.
“Stop it you piece of shit!”
“Thats Y/N’s voice.” Tsukishima quietly muttered as the two captains listened carefully.
Quietly walking closer to where you were heard, Tsukishima noticed Hara had you cornered against the wall and it didn’t look like he was letting you go anytime soon.
“Listen to me Y/N. I’m fucking sick of waiting. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to do anything with you? You’re so fucking naive it’s pathetic.”
Tsukishima was taken aback slightly. Hara had just insulted you? But weren’t you dating him? Deciding not to step in just yet, he decided to continue observing from a distance and then make a decision on what he should do.
“Hara, listen to me. You broke me and Tsukishima up whether that was your intention or not. I rejected you because I don’t want to date anyone. Especially not you and you know why. Let me go now.” Your tone was icy and your glare was hard.
Lowkey Tsukishima was proud of the tone you were using. Before the two of you had started dating, you were never nasty to anyone. You did start to pick up the habits of Tsukishima’s spiteful tone however a few months into your relationship and he was proud of that.
“Listen here you fucking slut. Your lanky boyfriend only got in the way. Poor naive little Y/N did you really think I was interested? Your personality is something I’ve been forcing myself to put up with for months and I still haven’t dicked you down yet. You’re a selfish brat.”
Your face twisted with disgust. You were furious, enraged even. Since your fight with Tsukishima you had built up your tolerance to harsh words so Hara’s insensitive language didn’t affect as much as it probably would’ve a few months ago.
“Who the hell gave you the confidence? As if I’d ever let a creature like you touch me. Did you really think I’d let you sleep with me after you drove a wedge between me and Tsukishima? You’re a sick little bitch an ugly one too!”
Now Tsukishima was proud of you. Harsh insults, cutting edge tone, dark scowl and a whole load of attitude. Whether you liked it or not, your time spent over the long months with your ex boyfriend had transformed you into his own Frankenstein's monster and he took a small hint of pride in that.
Hara grew angry and slammed his hand harder against the wall making you flinch.
“What makes you think I’m waiting for your permission. You’re helpless Y/N. A helpless little slut who’s about to get what she deserves.”
Your eyes clenched shut. There was no chance in you winning a physical fight with this boy. You had just about lost hope.
“AHAHAHAHAHA BO DOESN’T HE SOUND LIKE A GREMLIN!”
“BRO YOU’RE RIGHT HE DOES!! I JUST KNOW FROM HIS MID PUBESCENT VOICE HE SMELLS LIKE MAYO OR SOME SHIT!”
“STOP IT YOU CHEEKY BASTARD I’M GONNA PISS MYSELF!”
“DON’T BLAME ME, BLAME LITTLE PITCHY VOICE BITCH AT KARASUNO!”
Hara’s head snapped to face Tsukishima who was sighing in embarrassment at his two upperclassmen’s comments. Kuroo and Bokuto were currently having a field day mocking the ‘little bitch boy’ Hara.
You looked up as your eyes widened at the sight of your ex boyfriend stood there, phone in one hand, bag and textbook in the other. He was slightly sweaty from training and he held a dark expression to his face.
“What the actual fuck?” Hara spat out.
“I’m afraid you’ve been caught out Hara-san.” Tsukishima cooly said as the screeches of the two captains on the phone lowered down.
“Tsuki PLEASE show us what little bitch boy looks like I’m begging you!”
“Yeah show us Tsuki!”
“Ready to have your eyes burned?” Tsukishima snickered as he flipped the camera and pointed it towards the now raging Hara.
“WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT NO I AM GONNA PISS MYSELF!”
“IT’S THE EXPRESSION FOR ME!”
“Guys stop being so mean I think he’s going to cry.”
Hara snarled and glared straight at Tsukishima who had decided to give into Bokuto and Kuroo and encourage their provocative behaviour for once.
“You’re the one who’s going to be crying you lanky bit-AH SHIT FUCK!”
Hara was cut off by your knee making quick contact with his crotch with heavy force.
“Felt kinda small down there buddy.”
With Hara on the ground clutching his assaulted private area, you ran away from him and next to Tsukishima’s side.
“NO WAY DID SHE JUST SAY YOU FELT SMALL DOWN THERE THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD I’M SO GLAD WE CALLED TODAY AHAHAHA!”
“LITTLE DICK PITCHY VOICE BITCH BOY!”
Tsukishima made a mental note to not ever encourage the two captains to be as irritating as they were being to Hara now but since he wasn’t on the receiving end it couldn’t hurt to push them a little bit.
Hara began to move and both you and Tsukishima stood towering above him.
“Oi Tsuki I don't condone violence but… kick him if you’re bad.”
“Do it Tskui, do it for the boys.”
“Nobody is kicking anyone.”
A new voice was heard in the halls.
“Sawamura-san.” You bowed your head slightly as he smiled at you and Tsukishima briefly before turning his attention to the two fellow captains on the call with Tsukishima.
“I’d appreciate it if you two didn’t try to corrupt my players thank you.”
“Do you country kids not ever have a bit of rough house from time to time?”
“Not when I’m around no.” Daichi replied back to the bedhead captain who only smirked in return.
Now turning his gaze to the whimpering boy on the floor Daichi raised an eyebrow.
“What happened here.”
“Attempted assault.” Tsukishima swift replied.
“Attempted? That bitch did assault me!” Hara cried from the floor.
“Kuroo listen! The gremlin’s voice is even more pitchy!”
Daichi sighed and grabbed the boy up from the floor.
“I’m not stupid. Tsukishima isn’t the type to lie and L/N doesn’t exactly look thrilled to be in your presence either. I think me and you should take a little trip down to the principal's office and have a look through the cctv footage.”
“Get rekted.” Bokuto snickered as Daichi dragged the disgraced boy off towards the reception.
“Listen I think you two have some things to talk about so we’re gonna go now. Remember what we said to you Tsuki. Call you soon!”
“Get that cooch my son!”
Tsukishima immediately hung up after Bokuto’s last comment which earned a snicker from you.
“Look, Tsukishima, I’m really really sorry about what went down a while ago. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it and it was wrong of me not to just approach you and express my issues I had with you. In all honesty I didn’t have a huge problem with your attitude, Hara got into my head a bit and would tell me my reputation was being dragged down by you.”
Tsukishima stared down at you as he examined your face. He could tell you were being genuine but he knew you both needed time to talk things through and be more transparent with each other before picking things back up from where they left off.
“I know Y/N. I’m sorry for what I said too. I know I said some hurtful things but I didn’t mean them. You’re worth more than what I claimed you were and for that I apologize. I just wish you had been more open with me.”
Your eyes widened slightly. Tsukishima never apologised so this was a big deal to you. You gave the boy a soft smile.
“It’s going to take some time for us both to heal. A lot went down today but if you’ll let me, I want to give us a chance to rebuild things between us. I still love you no matter how much I try to deny it. We need to work on communication obviously but I do want to give us another shot, Tsukishima.”
“Kei. It’s Kei to you. And yeah you’re right. We do need to be more open with each other. I’m not saying we should get back together right now, but I do care about you and I suppose I do need you in a weird way. I’m happy to work on us if that’s what you want.”
Tsukishima smiled down at you. The first genuine smile in a while which you immediately returned back to him.
-
Hara had caused a lot of damage. But you had the time to rebuild it all and that’s just what the two of you did.
This was obvious to all 3 captains involved in watching over Tsukishima when they saw the improvement in his playing.
Sure Tsukishima found people irritating often, but thanks to their concern a weight was lifted off his shoulder. Hara was expelled for attempted sexual assault, and you were being more clear with him.
It would take a while for things to go back to what they used to be, but getting rid of Hara and having you back by his side was a good start.
157 notes · View notes
revisitedgrunt · 5 years ago
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Motherland: Fort Salem. Episode 1x05: Bellweather Season.
Being completely honest with y'all, this episode ruined me. It's taken me a while and several rewatches to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Now I want to talk about it. I'm going to go scene by scene, so this isn't a rambling stream of consciousness. This will be very long and image heavy.  
I find the Unit's dynamics interesting. We've seen them get closer and work together better, but Raelle and Abigail both have strong personalities, and very different life experiences. One wrong word can immediately start a fight. Abigail uses the phrase “the community that matters”, which is incredibly elitist. Raelle, rightly, takes offence and ends up storming out.
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The first Raylla scene of the episode. Scylla combines some minor manipulation, which is an attempt to get invited to the wedding with, in my opinion, a real story about her past. I believe everything Scylla has told us about her past. Porter confirmed that her parents died, and in the last two episodes we've seen Scylla start to open up with Raelle. They talk about running away, and less than five minutes into the episode, we get this.
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I may, or may not, have let out this really unflattering squeal. Part of me is still amazed by this relationship. Every week I think we've hit the limit on how awesome it can get, and every week I'm proven wrong.
Raelle making a bird skull charm for Scylla is so sweet. I think Scylla's linking spell is going to be very important in the episodes to come. I do wonder if the mark is permanent. I hope not, just for the fact that Scylla permanently marking Raelle, without her permission, is not a nice thing to do.
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We get another kiss and Raelle cups Scylla's chin again, which I am a big fan of.
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You can see Scylla smiling when she enters her room. She genuinely likes spending time with Raelle. With the way she caresses the bird skull, we can see she's really touched by Raelle's gift.
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We're then reminded that the Spree is a terrible organisation, when they threaten Scylla again. I'll probably talk more about the Spree later.
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Scylla pretending to be a waitress was smart. However, the smarter play would have been to stay undercover until it was closer to 6pm, as she would have avoided unwanted attention. How much of this was a mistake on her part, and how much was it wanting to spend time with her girlfriend?
I love the lingering fire effect in the hair. It's such a cool detail.
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Scylla's adorable little “Hi!” added 10 years to my life.
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Raelle being super excited to see Scylla and the banter about the “corsage” was very cute. Raelle proves, once again, that she's a great girlfriend by introducing Scylla to the Bellweathers.
We get more confirmation that Abigail doesn't like Scylla, calling her “Another shitbird.” I believe her antagonism towards Scylla is because she thinks she's a distraction. Abigail thinks if Scylla wasn't around, Raelle would be more invested and involved in the Unit. However, we know this isn't the case, if it wasn't for Scylla, Raelle wouldn't be trying at all. Abigail should be thanking Scylla.  
I love world building so I thought the wedding was really interesting. We find out that weddings are a contract that lasts for five years, which explains Abigail's different fathers. I think families like the Bellweathers think this is a way to strengthen their bloodline. The women can have several babies with different fathers, which helps expand the family. I think civilian weddings are still for life. Raelle's mom and dad were still together when Willa died.
What makes a believable relationship for me, is the small things. Not great declarations of love, but how they stand next to each other, how comfortable they seem together, how they look at each other and when they reach for each other. This was a great example of that.
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I thought the scenes of Abigail trying to corral her unit were hilarious. She's desperately trying to make a good impression, and they unintentionally embarrass her every time. Scylla's “They have lobster.” and Tally's gasp gave me a good laugh.
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Our first scene of Raylla dancing. When I saw the pictures I thought it would be a one and done deal. I should know by now that Motherland: Fort Salem always goes the extra mile when it comes to their wlw couple.
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Raelle putting a protective arm in front of Scylla, starting down Anacostia and telling her “She goes where I go. Scylla's my girlfriend.” Just... wow. That was hot. And to illustrate the point, she gives Scylla a long, lingering kiss.
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Anacostia v Scylla, round 2. I think Anacostia is incredibly cool, but I'm always gonna have Scylla's back. Scylla tries to protect Raelle and takes the heat for their relationship. Seeing her sass Anacostia was pretty amusing. Then she immediately grabs some drinks.
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I'm not sure why Anacostia has a problem with Scylla. Is it the same reason as Abigail, or something different? Is Scylla not a good cadet? Does Anacostia think Scylla will hinder Raelle's performance? Scylla was right though, Raelle did start trying because of her. We also know Raelle is almost always boosted because she's having sex with Scylla.
Jessica Sutton's expressions this episode were perfection.
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Every Raylla scene warms my cold, dead heart. How cute are they about the “girlfriend part”! And Scylla dancing Raelle onto the dance floor! And the way Scylla keeps eye contact with Raelle! I just can't!  
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Look at the smile Scylla gives Raelle!!!
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This is a pretty upbeat song and you can see the other dancers energetically dancing. But Raylla are just slow dancing, wanting to be as close to each other as they can. You can also see Raelle has this soft smile on her face. The amount of care and detail Taylor and Amalia put into their scenes together, never fails to amaze me. It's so obvious they want to make this relationship as believable as possible.
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Gerit got engaged before Baltane, went to the festival thinking he'd hook up with a girl and give her a power boost, and fell in love. He really does try to tell Tally he's engaged. I just feel sad for the both of them. I'm not really into heterosexual ships, but they were cute. I wonder if this is the end, or if Gerit will break off his engagement. Seeing Tally cry hurt, a lot.
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Abigail gets smacked in the face with her privilege. For how different the universe of Motherland is to our own, some things are still very much the same. The rich and powerful will get all the opportunities, whether they deserve them or not. I do respect Abigail for wanting to make it on her own merits and not coast on her name.
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I really admire Raelle's courage. She's a first year cadet, but she marches up to General Petra Bellweather and demands answers about her mom. She doesn't get them. Like any good politician, Petra deflects and heaps praise on both Willa and Raelle. It takes the fight out of Raelle, but made me even more angry.
Ashley and Bernadette did a really good job conveying Abigail and Charvel's relationship in the time they were given. They are cousins, but you see they are close and I got a sibling vibe from them. With the advice Charvel gave Abigail throughout the episode, she came across as an older sister. This makes me wonder if Abigail does have actual siblings. Given what we know of the Bellweathers, it would surprise me if Petra only had one child.    
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Scylla does a really bad job of checking the bathroom.
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It's telling to me that Scylla tells the balloon “I need to know she will be safe, once I get her there. Should I wait with her?” I've always believed Scylla had genuine feelings for Raelle, and this is more confirmation. The balloon is clearly not a Raylla shipper.
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Tally sees the balloon, and Scylla's cover is blown. I did not expect this to happen so early in the season, or for it to happen this way. Motherland keeps me guessing.
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With 5 minutes left to get Raelle to the extraction point, Scylla sees a downhearted Raelle. She makes a half-hearted attempt to complete her mission, but there's no conviction there. She doesn't want to do it. When Raelle asks if they can dance instead, Scylla could have tried to convince Raelle to go for a walk, she didn't. She chose to dance with her. Scylla was scared, Scylla knew she was going fail her mission. She had to make a choice, The Spree or Raelle. She chose Raelle.
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Tally telling Anacostia about Scylla was smart. I briefly thought that she might tell Raelle, but that would not have gone well, and doing it at the wedding would not have been the right time. Now Scylla's number one fan has a legitimate reason to not like her.
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And now we get to the scene that killed me. I'm not gonna lie, I cried. I don't really get emotional about TV shows, but I've really come to love Raylla and this hit me hard. As soon as that song started playing, I knew I was in trouble. I started to choke up when Scylla remembered the times she'd spent with Raelle. My eyes started to water when I saw how scared she was she'd missed the deadline. When she told Raelle she loved her, I totally lost it. Raelle's smile was the last punch to the heart. I was a complete mess by the end of this scene. We leave the scene with Scylla looking incredibly sad.
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This was Scylla saying goodbye to Raelle. She knows she can't stay at Fort Salem, she knows the Spree will come for her. If she doesn't run, she's as good as dead. I really hope that this episode alleviated any doubts anyone still had about Scylla. It is now absolutely clear that she loves Raelle.
Fortunately the next scene was much more upbeat and light hearted. Joking, we find out Charvel has been murdered, brutally. Most of her throat has been cut out. The effects were excellent and very gory. Abigail is ambushed by two Spree members and we see that they can nullify a witches abilities, when Abigail tries to Windstrike them and nothing happens.
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Things go from bad to worse.
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I'm not sure if this was always the plan, or a backup in case Scylla failed. My opinion was this was always the plan, and was set up to distract people so they wouldn't realise Raelle and Scylla had disappeared.
The witches summon a tornado and disable the balloons. The tornado looked pretty big and I thought back to the witch in episode 1 who was controlling 6 tornadoes at once. That seemed pretty powerful at the time, but I remember them being small, so I assume if they combine their power, they can summon bigger tornados.
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Petra finds Abigail just in time to stop her daughter getting murdered.
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During a well choreographed fight scene, we are reminded that these women are soldiers. Even without “the work” they are trained in hand to hand combat. We see both Abigail and Petra are good fighters. Abigail has a very badass moment here, after getting stabbed, she pulls out the knife and uses it on her attacker.
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The Spree members set themselves on fire, so they can't be questioned, which is par for the course for fanatics. I had expressed sympathy for the Spree before. I said their cause was just as they were trying to liberate witches. I even understood them killing civilians, the civilian Government is the body forcing them to join the army, or be hunted. However, it now seems the Spree are equally terrible towards other witches. They brutally murder Charvel, a fellow witch and threaten Scylla's life if she doesn't do exactly what they say. At this point I say screw the army and the Spree, I want the Unit and Scylla to form a third faction.
In all the confusion, Scylla disappears. I think we’re meant to believe that she ran, but I think it’s more likely Anacostia grabbed her, as she is noticeable absent during the Spree attack. I think Scylla is probably in some secret dungeon at Fort Salem, and we'll get to see just what that mark she put on Raelle actually does.  
The episode ends with the Unit comforting each other.
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It's interesting that in some way, each member of the Unit experienced a loss this episode. Abigail lost her cousin, Tally lost her first love and some of her innocence, and Raelle lost the girl she's fallen madly in love with. Hopefully they'll continue to support each other as they heal.
The sheer amount of Raylla in this episode was unbelievable. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say their scenes from this single episode, would probably cover 6 episodes on any other show, if we’re lucky. I'll keep saying it, I have never seen a show give a wlw couple this amount of time, care and respect. 
It seems like we may not see them together for a while. I'm OK with that. We've had so much content over the last five episodes, more than I have seen in any other show. And remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Imagine the amazing scene we'll get when they reunite. Taylor and Amalia will knock that out of the park.
I thought this was the best episode so far, and one of the best hours of TV I've ever seen. This had the perfect mix of world building, humor, sadness, tenseness, action and romance. This show is such a gift and I can never thank the cast and crew enough for it.
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petri808 · 4 years ago
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Bakudeku 31 days of winter ice skating prompt
No one is willing to work with rich but hot-headed pairs skater Katsuki Bakugou,  but he needs a partner if he wants a second shot at the Olympics. His coach is desperate and finds former hockey player Izuku Midoriya who was injured at the last Olympics and can no longer play who agrees to give it a shot. The journey pushes Katsuki to change his ways so he doesn’t lose the one partner who gives him a second chance.
It’s generally based on the movie The Cutting Edge. Angst & Fluffy AU. 10K Modern AU
“This is ridiculous!” Katsuki snaps at his coach while pointing to Izuku. “He can’t be the best option! He’s not even a figure skater! And what’s with the hair! It’s a fucking mess! Where are you from, the slums?! Baggy flannel, really?! You look like a hobo! What about that Iida guy I told you to get?! Or Kaminari?! Someone that’s at least in the fucking right sport?!”
Coach Eijiro Kirishima pinches his brow and sighs, “no one else is willing to work with you after your behavior at the last competition. So, it’s this or give up your chance at next year’s competition.”
As the two men argued, Izuku Midoriya just stood there confused in the doorway of a large expense home. All he knew, is the coach had contacted him and offered a generous paycheck to skate again with a partner. It wasn’t ideal and he had no experience with figure skating. But the check cleared, and he needed the money badly. After a devastating injury on the ice sidelined his hockey career, life was a struggle. It took six months just to heal and medical bills needed to be paid. He’d assumed Katsuki Bakugou knew what the coach was up to... but apparently not. “Um, Eijiro, if he really doesn’t want me here, I’ll leave.” Just seeing the explosive attitude Katsuki is exhibiting is making him nervous.
“No, no,” Eijiro moves back to Izuku, while glaring at Katsuki, “he does, he just doesn’t realize it yet.”
“Pfft!” Katsuki sneers back.
“O—kay.” This is going to be interesting...
Maybe interesting is the wrong word, hair-pulling is more like it. Katsuki’s parents are rich, hence the mansion he’s now rooming in and to top it all off the guy has a personal ice-skating rink! An ice-skating rink! No wonder Katsuki was such a brat! But— the man is good, like really good on the ice... Katsuki’s skill as a figure skater is breathtaking to watch as he glided across the smooth white surface. Elegant, strong, and very handsome. But then the man opens his mouth, shattering the fantasy, and Izuku remembers who he’s really dealing with.
“Argh! Get it right Deku! Toe pick! Toe pick! Toe pick! Fucking learn how to use it! Two fucking weeks and your still face planting!”
“I’m sorry, okay! We don’t use toe picks in hockey!”
“This is not gonna work Eijiro!” Katsuki snaps at the coach. “I’m done today! Come get me when he fucking learns how to skate!”
The two men watch Katsuki storm out of the building. Izuku flinches at the sound of the door slamming shut. “Sorry Eijiro. I had no idea figure skating is this difficult.”
“You’re doing fine Izuku. Just keep practicing. You’ll get it soon.”
Izuku was never a quitter and no matter how much his hot-headed partner put him down, it only fueled his drive to get better. Early every morning he would wake up and skate until his legs hurt, then he’d ice them down at night, and start the process again in the morning. In hockey, elegant wasn’t necessary and being a little sloppy on the ice didn’t matter because you were too busy keeping from being slammed up against bodies or walls. But if there was one thing, he truly hadn’t anticipated was the physical prowess required for figure skating. When you watch the sport on tv, no offense, but those skinny bodies in tight leotards doesn’t make one think of powerhouses... until you attempt to pull off the technical moves that they do and learn really quickly how hard the ice can be on a human frame. If Izuku thought his injuries from a hockey match were brutal, figure skating is quickly tallying up the bruises and cuts to take the lead.
It’s been six months into the training and Izuku was growing curious as to what had caused Katsuki to lose his former partner. Eijiro was hesitant to tell him but did lead him towards where to find the answer. So, late one evening, Izuku pulls up YouTube and punches in the description the coach had given him. The results were... surprising to say the least and frankly shocked him because the partner he’d grown to know just didn’t fit what he was seeing. He closes the app and tucks the information away for the time being. It wasn’t worth focusing on the past if he wanted to get through the present. He just needed to buckle down and practice so that when the nationals arrive in 5 months, he’ll be ready.
As the smaller of the two, it’s decided that Katsuki would be the base and Izuku would perform the lifts. Such an act requires a lot of skill in balance and trust which wasn’t exactly the partners forte at the moment.
“Kacchan, we need to practice you lifting me up.” Kacchan is his new nickname for Katsuki. He didn’t know if the man really liked it, but he’s never stopped him from using it.
“You’re not ready,” the man replies curtly.
“That’s why we need to practice!”
“And what, break your neck?! Izuku, you ain’t ready yet!”
“Katsuki, he is ready,” Eijiro counters. “And Izuku is right, you both need to practice the moves in order for it to be spot on. If you’re afraid—“
“I’m not fucking afraid! Fine! You wanna practice, well practice, but don’t you tell me I’m afraid of tossing his ass in the air!”
Three more months, that’s all the time they had left to get two routines down perfect. A short program and a long program. Just trying to remember all the moves is hard enough, but having to execute them in synchronized patterns, smooth transitions, with elegant refinement, someone please remind Izuku why he took the job again?! As a partner, Katsuki is such an asshole to work with. There were so many moments when Izuku questioned his sanity in staying. The money was helpful, but is it really worth the abuse? And yet... there were also the moments when Katsuki might say something nice or a random ‘good job’ to Izuku that made him think, maybe Eijiro was right after all. Maybe Katsuki just needed the right partner. One who’s able to handle his outbursts and see through the hardened facade he shows to the world. It might have been lonely growing up as only child... Izuku should know since he’s an only child. But he grew up surrounded by neighborhood kids. Perhaps Katsuki had been isolated in this mansion for most of his life, because that certainly would stunt his social abilities.
The month before the competition was a whirlwind of activities. Grueling practices, costume fittings... Katsuki was monitoring what Izuku ate and how much sleep he was getting, like a paranoid mother. It got so strange, that Katsuki moved Izuku out of the guest room and into his own in order to watch him more carefully. Granted that Katsuki had a California king sized bed with a lot of space, but it was still awkward for Izuku to share it with him! What if he snored or rolled— sometimes he moved in his sleep. Plus, Katsuki was an early sleeper while he was a night owl. They are such opposites in personality and behavior. The first night fried his nerves so badly Izuku barely slept, only to be cussed out the next morning because he couldn’t focus during practice.
“Kacchan, please, I rather sleep in the guest room!”
“I don’t care what you want, this tells me I need to keep a closer eye on you.”
Izuku groaned and pushed away off the ice to get lunch. He knew there was no arguing with Katsuki unless he was ready for a fight. Wasn’t getting a restful night of sleep the better idea if he was so worried?!
Their afternoon practice did nothing to help his frayed nerves. Katsuki was acting so strange lately. When he talked it’s more like screaming at him, but when they trained... Katsuki’s touch was gentle? Intimate. ‘Duh’that’s what pairs skating is! Izuku chides himself. Like a dance of two lovers on a floor of ice. ‘Sex on ice... Stop it!’ Izuku couldn’t stop the heat flooding to his cheeks. ‘Don’t think like that!’ Ugh, he groaned again, now the mental image is going to torture him and if things couldn’t be worse, Katsuki saw him blushing to himself looking like a weirdo. Thankfully, all it gained was a raised eyebrow. Izuku is gay, but Katsuki isn’t the type of guy he normally went for and he swore he saw a photo in the man’s bedroom of a woman.
Putting aside all the crazy thoughts, Izuku finishes the day without invoking anymore of Katsuki’s wrath. They had dinner quietly before he was forced to go to bed at 9pm. Izuku prepared for another sleepless night as he lay there stiff on his side facing away from the other male. There was almost 2 feet between them, so he tried to pretend he was all alone, just him in a strange bed. Like at a hotel on the very first night and you’re still adjusting to its nuances. It was a comfortable bed, probably expensive with soft, silky sheets, and even the pillows were some fancy memory foam type. Perhaps it was sheer exhaustion, for after a short amount of time, Izuku fell asleep while running the choreography through his mind.
‘Wow it’s really hot today...’ Izuku stirred unconsciously from the dream and pushed the blanket down to his torso. ‘Maybe Yagi will let me go home from work early today, cause it’s exhausting to hang drywall on days like this.’ Izuku tries to turn around but he couldn’t. Panic set in the dream, and the walls closed in around him. ‘What’s going on?!’ He was working and now he’s trapped! Izuku pushes the wall with his back only to feel pressure increase around his body. “What the?!” It instantly snaps his mind awake and suddenly the construction site turned into the dark room of Katsuki’s bedroom.
“Stop... f’ing... moving...” the gravelly voice mumbles right next to his ear!
Izuku’s eyes blow wide as he looks down and sees the arm around his torso, registers that the heat he’d experienced in his dream was Katsuki! ‘Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!’ Why was Katsuki spooned up to him?! With every breath from the sleeping man blowing along his neck and down his back, every fiber in his body shivered, sending too many electrical pulses misfiring and blood rushing to the wrong places! Katsuki hadn’t just rolled too close, this was an intimate embrace! This couldn’t be real! Izuku tries to pry the man’s arm away gently without waking him only to have his ass grabbed by Katsuki’s other hand.
“Go the fuck to sleep, Deku.”
Izuku squeals. He can’t take this anymore. They weren’t that kind of partners. “K-Kacchan! Wh-What, why?!
“Can’t you just take the hint and go with it. I don’t do the whole flirting nonsense.”
“Oh, my god.” Izuku breathes out, he’s serious! And though a part of him gravitated to the idea of having this handsome partner in a relationship, Izuku worried mixing business with pleasure would blow up at some point. “Kacchan. I’m flattered, more than you might know, but I think we should just be partners on the ice.”
There was silence for several minutes and Izuku started to wonder if Katsuki had fallen back asleep and didn’t hear what he’d said. But it was the calm before the storm. Without warning, Izuku was pushed so hard from behind, he flew off the bed and landed hard on the ground. “GET OUT!!” Katsuki raged. “Get the fuck out of my room! Get the fuck out of my house!”
Izuku couldn’t see the man on the bed through the darkness but could almost feel the anger on top of the sound. One pillow, two pillow landing close to where he lay on the floor, then a lamp crashes on top of his hip. Izuku screams, scrambling up despite the pain and stumbling for the door.
“I-I’m sorry Kacchan—.”
“Get the fuck out!! I don’t wanna see here you in the morning!”
Izuku wiped away blinding tears as he packed up his few belongings to leave the mansion in the dead of night. He’d paused at Katsuki’s bedroom door on his way out; was the man crying behind it? It was hard to image the hot head crying but those were clearly the sounds of sobbing coming through. Izuku hung his head, fuck! He really messed up this time. But what could he do? Katsuki told him to go, and this was his house. He writes a quick note and slips it under the coaches door before taking a cab to the train station. The competition was only 2 weeks away, what about that? Is Katsuki going to throw away his chance to compete? Then again, people do crazy things because of emotions.
When he arrives at the station, Izuku find out that the next train to his town won’t arrive for another 6 hours. Just great. None of the food stalls were open at 2am, so he drops onto one of the benches and uses his duffle bag as a pillow. He sets the alarm on his phone and tries to get some sleep... that doesn’t come easily. Could he have handled the situation better? Okay, it wasn’t fair to blame him for making Katsuki cry. It’s not like the man gave any indication he was interested in Izuku in a romantic sense. Who does that?! Just forces someone to sleep in their bed and surprises them by spooning up in the middle of the night?! “just take the hint...” “Argh!” Izuku curls to his side and covers his face to block out the light. ‘This is not my fault! Stupid Kacchan!’ Tomorrow will be a new day. He’ll go home and just start over. Who needs Katsuki...........
“Wake up Izuku.”
“Ugh... go away,” Izuku groans and slaps away the hand shaking him.
“Izuku, get up. I’m here to take you back to the mansion.”
Wait, what?! Izuku opens his eyes, this can’t be happening. “Eijiro?!” He sits up, shaking his head and waving his hands to wipe away the man’s statement. “Please no! I don’t wanna go back there.”
“Look, I don’t know what exactly happened, and Katsuki isn’t telling me anything, but if you leave now all that work is for nothing and you don’t strike me as a quitter.”
Izuku shakes his head. “I’m not, but I don’t see how Katsuki would be willing to be partners. It’ll be uncomfortable for both of us.”
“He has no choice. This year’s national’s determines who goes to the Olympics.”
“What?!”
Eijiro grins. “Oh, did I forget to mention that?”
“Um, yeah! I-I signed up to— you know I was already concerned about nationals but now you’re telling me this is for a bid to the Olympics?! No! No! N-O, no way. I-I’m barely hanging on as is keeping up with figure skating!”
“Izuku think about it this way. You’ve both had a shot at the Olympics that were dashed. This is your second chance.”
“What do you mean both? Katsuki’s competed in the Olympics?”
“Yeah, the same year as you. I was surprised you didn’t recognize him.”
“I didn’t pay attention to the other sports because I was too busy worrying about my team.”
“Well,” Eijiro asks again. “Don’t you wanna have a second shot at gold?”
“Pfft,” Izuku sighs, “let’s just see if I can survive nationals.”
“Wonderful! Come on,” Eijiro grabs Izuku’s bag, “breakfasts on me.”
When they arrive at the mansion and walk into the house, Katsuki is standing in the living room with his arms crossed just glaring death daggers. Izuku gulps hard as he stands behind Eijiro who’d told him to let him handle Katsuki when they arrived. He was ready for the cursing, but the man just stood there.
“A-Are you sure it’ll be okay?” Izuku quietly questioned the coach. “He’s not gonna kill me in my sleep?”
“Well, at least not until after nationals.” Eijiro stared at Katsuki as he spoke. “Because he knows he has no choice.”
“Tch,” Katsuki stomps away.
‘This is gonna be a lo—ng 3 weeks!’
Excruciating to be exact. If there’s something that became brutally clear through this year to Izuku, is that in pairs skating, the chemistry between the skaters plays a role in how well they are received. They could be as technically perfect as required, but they won’t win over the audience and possibly even the judges if you can’t ‘feel’ their routine.
Their practices became mundane and performances, robotic. Katsuki didn’t touch Izuku in the same ways he had before, and he was noticing it more than ever. He realized the night Katsuki had made a move wasn’t the first time after all. Katsuki had been flirting with Izuku in his own subtle way, but he’d never caught on to it. That made Izuku feel even worse, but he also couldn’t go back on what he’d said because he meant it. Risking a relationship meant risking their careers. If they could just get through nationals and make the top 2 spots, they’ll get into the Olympics next year. So, despite the emotionless aspect of their routine, it was as good as they were going to get it to, and they were ready to take the risk...
But it still hurt.
The backstage area of the skating arena was a mad house with all the competing singles and pairs skaters cordoned off in their own dressing areas. Katsuki’s parents spared no expense on a team to get them ready. Perfect outfits, hair, and makeup to make them pop for the cameras. They looked amazing in their complimentary outfits, a perfect couple by design in every way except reality.
Ever since the night of the fight, Katsuki only spoke to Izuku as necessary in gruff tones. He would even look in his direction and never made eye contact during the practices. Eijiro tried so hard to talk to him. ‘You need to sell the illusion Katsuki. No one’s gonna buy your routine if you won’t even look at the man!’ But the hot head was unflinching in his stubbornness. His face would be towards Izuku, but his eyes looked elsewhere, and smiles were non-existent.
They were next in line, so the runners called them to the waiting area. As the pair stood and watched the performance going on before them, Izuku noticed Katsuki’s expressions growing angrier and angrier. It was his old partner with a new partner doing an amazing routine. Izuku recognized the man from the YouTube video as Shouto Todoroki and his female partner was fairly new to this level of the sport, named Momo Yaoyorozu. Had they been a couple, Izuku started to wonder, is that why Katsuki was so angry? Shouto and Momo’s scores elevated them straight to the number one position.
As they walked off the ice, both skaters smiled and nodded to Izuku, who returned the gesture with a bright smile. He had nothing against them even though they were rivals.
“No hard feelings Katsuki,” Shouto stuck out a hand.
But Katsuki slapped it away, “fuck off ice boy.”
Izuku immediately steps between them. “Sorry, K-Kacchan is just stressed.”
“Don’t talk to them Deku!” Katsuki grabs his hand and pulls him towards the ice.
As Izuku does as he’s told, he sees Shouto shaking his head in pity and he couldn’t blame the guy. Shouto seemed genuine, but it was Katsuki being the asshole. Needless to say, going into a routine angry was not the best idea.
“Kacchan, please,” speaking softly, Izuku begged one last time as they took up their positions. “Because you look too angry.”
“Don’t worry about me and just make sure you don’t screw up!”
‘Argh!’ “Got it.”
If there was one good thing, he could say about Katsuki, is the man is a machine and once the music starts, he’s all business, executing each step with precision like nothing was bothering him. Izuku too, stayed on track, meeting and exceeding his own expectations. He had been so worried that when the pressure really hit, he’d freeze up, make mistakes, and cost them this opportunity. The routine ends right on point to the wild sounds of clapping in the audience. It takes them a few moments to catch their breath before breaking apart. He tries and is rebuffed by Katsuki to hold hands as they bowed. Nevertheless, Izuku catches himself and plays it off, not wanting to appear unhappy for the judges. He thought they’d done an amazing job! At no point can he remember either making a mistake. Everything was right on point, especially the moves that carried the highest point values. They had to get 1st place! But when they stepped into the waiting box as the scores are tallied and posted, it wasn’t to be. The technical points were flawless, but the judges ranked them lower in components score... clearly the judges saw well and clear this pair was not a matching pair at all.
Katsuki storms away to the backstage area livid.
“This is all your fault Izuku!”
“My fault!” Oh, that’s it, Izuku wasn’t gonna hold back anymore. “I warned you, Eijiro warned you! You’re fucking attitude is what killed us! Every—body sees what an asshole you are except you!” He flails his arms in contempt. “A spoiled brat that can’t handle being told no!”
“You fucking take that back!” Katsuki lunges at Izuku who counters and pushes him away.
“I’m done!” Izuku screams and starts to walk away but turns back. “Oh, and for the record. I saw your last skate and Shouto did nothing wrong. You screwed up, you! Your hand slipped in the lift. No wonder you can’t keep a partner!”
Katsuki is so shocked, his mouth slams shut.
Eijiro tries to keep Izuku from leaving, but he’s done. They were in 3rd place and the odds of the last pair screwing up was slim to none because they were also former Olympic level skaters. But just as Izuku steps away they hear it over the PA, “oh, no! She fell!”
Their coach turns excitedly to the two men, “we are in!”
“No, we are not,” Izuku states matter of fact and walks away. This time he really is done. Done with all the fights and uncomfortable, complicated emotions. Going back to the Olympics would have been... the tears well up, but he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, before continuing his stride out of the room. It would have been amazing, but he’s not turning around this time. He can hear Eijiro calling his name. He can hear the sound of something smashing against the wall... it won’t change his mind. If Katsuki can’t change his attitude, then why should he have to put up with it? It’s not fair to him. A part of him once gave the man the benefit of doubt, but perhaps Izuku should have taken a hint from all the partners of his past. Katsuki Bakugou will never change. His arrogance destroys all of his relationships, and that’s not the kind of man Izuku wants anything to do with.
He grabs his belonging from the hotel room, checks out and goes straight to the airport without looking back. The whole ride home, Izuku sat in first class with his cap kept down low to avoid human interaction. It was a four-hour flight back to the mansion and his plans were to grab all of his stuff and leave before Katsuki and Eijiro could get home too. A whole year wasted... Izuku cried softly to himself in the darkened cab of the plane. Now he’ll just go back home to Minnesota and pick up where he’d left off. Going back to working with his brother in construction wasn’t the worst thing. At least he wouldn’t have to put up with being yelled at all the time or being treated like shit. And hey, he could figure skate now! Maybe he’ll find a new partner like Shouto had done. Oh, that would piss Katsuki off so bad! Izuku snorts a small laugh. He never considered himself the vindictive type, but the thought made him laugh at least.
Back home, Katsuki stood in the empty doorway to the room Izuku was using, quiet, his head lowered, not listening to the words Eijiro was saying to him. They’d arrived at the silent mansion and deep down he knew Izuku wouldn’t be there, but that didn’t make the pain hurt any less. They’d hidden the fight from the media and Olympics committee, so as far as the world knew, they would be representing the United States in pairs skating.
“We’ll need to find a replacement Katsuki... we’ll just make up a story that Izuku got an injury or something to smooth it over.”
But Katsuki doesn’t respond to the coach and simply walks away, slamming his bedroom door closed. He falls back against it, slumping down to the floor with his knees up, arms wrapped around them and his head down. This wasn’t the first-time people have walked away from him, fought with him, but Izuku was different from all the rest and when that man walked away without looking back, Katsuki felt something he’d never experienced before. Problem was, he didn’t know what it was! And so, his only recourse was to resort to what he knew which is anger. He’d smashed the makeup case against the wall and broke a mirror with the costume stand.
How dare Izuku stand up to him like that?! As far as he was concerned, he built that man into a figure skater, gave him a new career path better than some stupid construction job! This was an opportunity of a lifetime! He’d even offered Izuku a chance to be his boyfriend, doesn’t he realize what an honor that is?! Katsuki knows exactly how good he is, and any man or woman would kill to have him as their boyfriend! Yet this guy turns him down?! Ridiculous! Just walks away from going to the Olympics?! His fist is clenched so tight, he can feel the pain of his nails digging into the palm. He was so angry! So furious! So... destroyed... Izuku turned his back on him. Fuck him! Fuck— why does he care so damn much! He’ll just get a new partner. He’ll make someone else’s dreams come true...
But he didn’t want anyone else...
No, fuck that! Katsuki jumps to his feet. Izuku was beneath him. How could he have every thought this man could fit into his circle? The guy was a former hockey player from some rural town, while he came from wealth for fucks sakes! Yeah, fuck him! Know what?! Fuck everybody!
Katsuki pulls out his phone and dials his mother. “I’m going on vacation for two weeks... no. Not with him, we— I’m going alone cause I need a break!” Click Next, he calls an airlines and books the first flight to anywhere, he didn’t care where, he just wanted to leave that night. The only option for first class was Hawaii. Oh, good, they had a vacation home there anyways. Katsuki packs a carry-on of just essentials, too irritated to pack a full suitcase. He can buy more clothes when he gets there. Before he leaves, he writes a note for Eijiro with explicit instructions not to contact him until he returned. He slips it under the man’s door then takes his car to the airport since his driver is off for the rest of the night. This whole year left him emotionally unstable, so maybe some beach time and relaxation was the cure.
It was early in the morning by the time Katsuki had arrived at their vacation home on the picturesque Kohala Coast of the Big Island of Hawaii. He’d called ahead for a limo service to pick him up and drive him the 50-odd miles from the airport in Kailua Kona, and the groundskeeper to prep the house for his arrival. His plan was to do nothing but drink, relaxing alone, and to sort out whatever it was that plagued him. He’d slept for most of the ride over, but his mind would keep going back to Izuku. He tosses his bag onto his bed and walks straight to the kitchen for a shot of something, anything he didn’t care.
“ARGH!!!” Katsuki growls in the empty house. “Why the fuck can’t I stop thinking about him!!!” He takes a longer swig of the hard liquor before capping it off and heading the shower. It’s been about 36+ hours since his last one before the competition.
Day in and day out, Katsuki’s depression takes hold, alternating between fits of anger and crying until he passed out from the amount of liquor he’d consumed. The poor housekeeper that came each day, did her best to steer clear, cleaning up after those fits, to keeping the pantry stocked with bottles of liquor to avoid his wrath. For the life of him, Katsuki couldn’t understand why, of anything. Angry and feeling jilted by his partner. Confused as to why Izuku’s leaving hurt so damn much. He’d never experienced this level of despair before, just couldn’t fathom what was really causing it... okay, that was a lie. Katsuki knew damn well why he was so upset, but he just couldn’t bring himself to accept it. And so, he drank his emotions away, buried it under a tidal wave of alcohol and lived in a stupor of dreamless misery.
“Oh, thank goodness,” the housekeeper greeted Eijiro. “He’s passed out in his room.”
“Thank you, Ke’ala.” Eijiro thanks the woman and enters Katsuki’s bedroom. He rips the curtain open.
“Time to get up Katsuki! You need help.” The man on the bed is so drunk, he doesn’t even flinch. Eijiro pulls harder on his leg. “Get up Katsuki!”
The drunk mumbles something, then rolls onto his side. “You leave me no choice Katsuki.” Eijiro picks up the dead weight and carries him into the shower. He puts the man onto the shower floor fully clothed, then turns it on full blast, hitting him dead center in the face. That wakes Katsuki up real, quick!
“What the fuck?!” The man defends against the cold water, flailing his arms pitifully, and scrambling along the tiled floor until his back hits a wall. He wipes his face, “I told you not to contact me till I returned!”
“First off, your parents pay my bill and they’re the ones who sent me. Second, take a goddamn shower cause you stink to hell. Then meet me in the living room.” Eijiro tosses some clean clothes onto the counter and walks away without another word. He hears Katsuki swearing behind him, but he didn’t care.
Thirty minutes later an angry but sober, cleaner Katsuki walks into the living room and plops down onto a couch opposite of Eijiro who pushes a cup of hot coffee towards him. He takes the cup and starts to drink it, though his expression remained accusatory, with furrowed brows, just glaring at the coach. “What do you want Eijiro?”
“Do you even realize you’ve been gone a month?”
No... he hadn’t but, “what’s your point?” Katsuki retorts because he didn’t want to show he cared.
“Do you or don’t you want to go to the Olympics?”
“Of course, I do. But y’all were right all along. No one wants to be my partner, so guess that means I’m done.”
Eijiro sucks in a breath at the revelation. This was the first time he’d ever in their seven-year working relationship heard this man admit a failing. He was a little caught off guard, but in a good way. “Katsuki,” Eijiro sighs, “is this the first time you’ve ever been in love?”
Katsuki puts his cup down and leans forward. “What did you just say to me?!”
“You heard me. Just admit it, you’re in love with Izuku Midoriya.”
“Get out!” Katsuki jumps up and points at the door.
“I’m not leaving. The only way to get past this is to accept the fact you’re in love and because he left you, you’re angry and confused. You pushed him away— admit it to yourself for once in your life and just own up to it!
“I-I’m not in love with Izuku!” His hands fly up and grip to the sides of his head. All of this commotion and the emotions coupled with a hangover is creating a storm of a headache. “I’m not! I’m not! I’m not!” He shakes his head as tears start to flow. “Why is this happening to me?! I-I can’t be in love with him!” Katsuki’s hands drop, but flail in front of him. “And so, what if I am, he turned me down! I have nothing to go back to, no Olympics, no Izuku, just an empty mansion, so just let me drink myself into oblivion!” He drops back onto the couch, cradling his face in his hands as the dam of tears burst free. “Just leave me alone, please.”
Eijiro gets up and kneels in front of Katsuki, placing a hand on the man’s knee. “It’s not too late to fix things. Izuku is angry because of how you treated him, but he doesn’t hate you.”
“You don’t know that,” he grumps back.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure about it. In fact, I’m quite certain he likes you too, but the way you handled approaching him, scared him. Katsuki, relationships... they require honesty, sincerity. You can’t force someone to love you. You have to make them feel loved and appreciated.”
“I don’t... know how. I don’t know what he wants! A-And I’m not good at showing my emotions.”
“Why don’t you try talking to him? Be honest with him and tell him how you feel.”
Katsuki pauses for several minutes as if his coaches words are truly sinking in. Is it really possible? Could he do it? But he’d been such an asshole to Izuku, who in their right mind would give him a second chance. Because he certainly would not... and maybe that was part of his problem. He couldn’t handle the rejection, and so he did what he knew how to do which is lash out, and that’s exactly what he did to Izuku. Katsuki sighs forlornly, “I don’t deserve a second chance.”
“Everyone deserves a second chance Kacchan.”
Katsuki’s heart stops at the sound of Izuku’s soft voice, too afraid to even look up and confirm it wasn’t a figment of his imagination. If Izuku was really here, does that mean he’d heard and saw everything from the moment Eijiro had arrived too?!
Eijiro squeezes Katsuki’s knee. “When I told Izuku what we saw you doing here, he agreed to help bring you home.”
“S-Saw?” Katsuki closes his eyes and whispers.
“This place has security cameras. So, after three weeks had passed by and you still hadn’t come home, your parents pulled up the footage and showed it to me. If I knew things were this bad, I would have come sooner.”
Katsuki’s eyes only tighten when he feels the cushion next to him depress, and the scent of Izuku’s cologne hit him, to block a new wave of tears from escaping. He had no idea how much of the footage they’d seen, but it was highly likely they’d seen the days and weeks passing by with Katsuki drinking almost non-stop. He barely ate or took care of his personal hygiene, because he’d stopped caring, and all he wanted to do was numb his pain.
“Kacchan... I didn’t mean for you to hurt yourself like this. I was— still am upset about things, but like Eijiro said, I don’t hate you and if you’re willing to work with me, like a real partner, then... then I’ll come back. But we need to set some rules, like respect. You can’t keep yelling at me and expect me to stick around.”
Katsuki looks up. “But why would you give me a second chance?”
Izuku blushes and voice softens, “because Eijiro is right. I do have a small crush on you.” But when he sees Katsuki’s face brighten, he quickly adds to his statement. “I-I’m still torn about it, s-so please don’t take that as I wanna jump into a romantic relationship right now. I’m the kind of guy that likes some sentiment, to be wooed or swept off their feet. It’s gotta build up to a point where I’ll be comfortable with the idea, because mixing business with pleasure scares me. Just look at what happened when I turned you down. It ruined everything.”
“I guess I never thought of it that way,” Katsuki breathes out. “This is all new territory to me, and I really don’t know how to handle it.”
“See, this is great!” Eijiro cuts in. “You guys are talking like civilized people, it’s wonderful.”
“Are you done?” Katsuki grumps.
“That depends if you’re ready to start fresh and get back to training together?”
“Kacchan?” Izuku looks over beside him. “I’m willing.”
Katsuki sighs, his heart desperately wants to, but he knows it won’t be easy to control his feelings for Izuku. “I’ll give it a try.”
The trio spends one more week in Hawaii, to give Katsuki time to fully recover from all the alcohol consumption as well as simply enjoy a Hawaii vacation. It was the first time Izuku had ever been to Hawaii and wow, he couldn’t get enough of all the food choices! And the sunsets were just stunning, glistening off of the water! So many colors, it was like heaven greeting earth each clear day.
“I’ll bring you back here on vacation,” Katsuki tells Izuku one day as they’re roaming the Waikoloa shops. “I mean, if you want to.”
Surprised, but happy by the gesture. “That’d be really nice Kacchan.” Since they had to stay longer than expected, Katsuki insisted on buying Izuku some clothes and souvenirs to take back home. He tried to refuse, but the man wasn’t taking no for an answer. It was the least he could do, was the reply for putting up with him. Katsuki also refused to step into any shop he deemed of low quality, so the King’s Shops at Waikoloa is where they went. Tori Richard’s, Tommy Bahama, and Michael Korrs, all places Izuku would never have shopped at.
As they sat in the dining room of Roy’s Waikoloa bar & grill, Izuku stares out over the manmade lake next to the shopping center. He’d adjusted to fancier food because that’s all Katsuki’s cook would make but sitting there with the man in a restaurant was a totally new experience. It was really nice, and for possibly the first time since they’d met a year ago, Izuku relaxed.
He didn’t expect a miracle, or for Katsuki to suddenly change overnight for that would be unfair, but as long as the man tried, Izuku wouldn’t leave like he’d done before. Oh, but was it tough in the beginning! In Hawaii, Katsuki could control his outbursts, but the moment the pressures of training kicked in, so to, did his old personality. Unlike before, Izuku was quicker to say something, telling him to stop before he says something he’ll regret. It seemed to do the trick. The man would stop and move on. After a month, Katsuki started to catch himself, literally mid-sentence stop, and walk away. Izuku wished he’d be more open with him instead of running away, but it was definitely an improvement. By the third month back, he even apologized. Izuku remembered the first time Katsuki said sorry and after a moment of shock, he smiled and said it was okay.
But there was one thing he hoped would come back. He still remembers the heated tingles he’d feel when Katsuki would hold him in positions. It was lost after their fight, and the man almost seemed, afraid, to touch him in the wrong way. Afraid he would make Izuku uncomfortable and risk chasing him away again. He didn’t know how to convey such a desire without confusing Katsuki and opening up a door he wasn’t ready to walk through yet. So, Izuku kept his mouth closed and focused on encouraging the man to keep improving on his social skills.
With six months left until the Olympics, the pair had their short program already choreographed and perfected. That left the long program, and the most important skate of their careers left to solidify. It was a skaters last opportunity to showcase a brilliant program and garner the highest amount of points possible.
“We need a showstopper, something new, something so damn amazing the judges will have no choice but to give us the win!” Katsuki tells Eijiro. “Whatever you need, choreographers to help you, I’ll get it.”
“Well...” the man picks a folder up from his desk, tapping it in his hand before opening it and pulling out a few sheets. He walks over to the ice where the two men were standing, slowly placing each sheet down onto the ice as he spoke. “There is one thing that my old mentor passed down. It’s never been used— because the difficulty level makes it quite impossible.”
Izuku picks up the first sheet, “it’s basically a bounce, spin into a toss, spin?”
“That’s illegal,” Katsuki looks over the man’s shoulder at the paper. “We can’t do an illegal move!”
“Legal, illegal, it’s more of a gray area,” Eijiro clarifies, “just extremely difficult.”
The longer Izuku stares at it, the worse the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. “K-Kacchan would have to spin me like a centrifuge, throw me, then catch me...” he mumbled out as the blood drains from his face. “This defies the laws of gravity and if he slips...” he doesn’t finish the sentence, but the image in his head was of a face scraped off and bloody.
“It takes a lot of skill, a lot of practice, and above all trust between the partners.”
“I don’t know...” Izuku mumbles.
“I think we can do it. Hell yeah! This would win us gold! Come on Izu, don’t you wanna win?!”
“Of course, I do, but—.”
Katsuki grabs Izukus hands, holding them firmly with such excitement behind his eyes and a sultry charm to his voice. “I really think we can do this together.”
“O-Okay,” Izuku melts under Katsuki’s sway. “I believe in you.”
“No. I believe in us.”
Izuku’s eyes widen, his heartbeat speeds up, and all those tingles rush over him. Their eyes meet and hold as seconds silently pass. The cold air of the room disappears, replaced by the warmth centered from their conjoined hands. In that moment, Izuku was willing to believe, that yes, they could pull it off if they trusted each other.
Eijiro clears his throat, “I take that as a go ahead... so!” He claps his hands. “This will be incorporated as the finale of the program.”
“Way to kill the mood man.” Katsuki grumps causing Izuku to blush.
They order custom made training outfits designed to be aerodynamic but with padding in specific areas to absorb shock from falls. It was a brutal regime, especially on Izuku’s body and nothing in his past experience with hockey could compare. Rigging could only be used as they practiced the solitary spin itself, so when they practiced without it, he suffered fall after fall, tossed onto the ice when Katsuki lost his grip on Izuku’s legs. Frankly, it’s a miracle he never broke a bone, but bruises and cuts often slowed the training down. Katsuki himself added upper body workouts to strengthen and increase his ability to not only hold onto Izuku but control the spin. Remember, this is still part of a choreographed piece to music, so timing was everything. It fell on his shoulders not to screw up and miss a step. Three months into this intensive training, Izuku finally demanded a break after a particularly brutal fall that was a breath away from dislocating his right shoulder.
“I brought you dinner,” Katsuki walks into Izuku’s bedroom where he’s resting. It was wrapped by a doctor and he was told not to use that arm for the next five days just to make sure it didn’t get worse.
“Aww, thank you Kacchan.” Izuku smiles, “you didn’t have to.”
“It’s fine.” He tries to hide his blush. “I feel bad cause I messed up again.”
Izuku takes Katsuki’s hand causing the man’s blush to grow, and squeezes, smiling, and conveying more than words ever could.
With one month to go, the pair had everything in their long program down solid, except for the new move which they’ve decided to name in honor of Eijiro’s mentor, the Pamchenko. They’ve landed it twice successfully in the last two months, and the probability of sticking it under pressure at the Olympics was slim. So, with time running out they practiced a separate move instead to fill the void. It was still pretty spectacular, but not as jaw dropping.
Katsuki’s frustration had returned much to Izuku’s disappointment and he did his best not to anger the man. It sucked to be walking on pins and needles all over again, especially because being so close to the end, quitting would be crazy. Izuku just grit his teeth and ignored the man’s tirades, then cried himself to sleep some nights in his bedroom. They’d had six months of doing so well... he really thought Katsuki was changing for the better and growing into the kind of man Izuku would get into a romantic relationship with. But worst of all, is Katsuki hasn’t noticed his effect on his partner.
Izuku flops onto his bed after dinner and lets out a deep exhale, staring at the ceiling. ‘Maybe you really can’t change some people.’ Win or lose, once the Olympics was over it was time to say goodbye to Katsuki Bakugou.
There’s something to be said about the starting of the games and the walk the Olympians do. All dressed in the colors of their countries, head held high waving to the fans as their flags signal, their arrival. It’s a proud moment that such a small number of athletes in the world ever get to experience. Through blood, sweat, and tears, this was it, this is what they’d worked so hard for years to achieve. It was a second chance for he and Katsuki to shoot for their gold medal dreams. Which is really about pride not monetary gain. It’s to prove you’re the best in the world.
The morning of the short program was spent getting prepped like usual. Costumes, check. Hair and makeup, double check. Skates shined and sharpened. Music provided to the program director. There was nothing more for them to do but wait until it was their turn. Izuku focused on staying calm and not hurling up his breakfast, while Katsuki paced like a caged animal listening over the P.A. for the results as one by one each countries teams took the ice. They could go and watch the performances, but that might fry their nerves even more than it already was. Then again watching Katsuki pace wasn’t helping either, so Izuku steps out of the dressing area and into the hall for a break.
“Izuku Midoriya?” A voice spoke from his left.
“Yes?” He turns to look and smiles. “Oh, hello Mr. Todoroki. Heading up?”
“Soon. I just wanted to congratulate you on making it this far.”
“That’s really kind of you. Congratulations as well to you and Ms. Yaoyorozu.”
“Also, for surviving Katsuki. You must be quite the man to stick around.”
‘If only you knew.’ “Um, thanks,” Izuku chuckled nervously, praying that Katsuki couldn’t hear them from inside the room. “It’s been interesting to say the least.”
“So, you plan on staying his partner after this?”
Izuku pauses, debating whether to speak up or pretend nothing was wrong. But who was he kidding, Shouto had worked with Katsuki and was his partner at the last Olympics. This man would probably know if Izuku tried to lie about anything. He lowers his voice, head shaking in emphasis of his words. “No, well, I haven’t fully decided yet.”
“Well, if you don’t give me a call. I’ll help you find a new partner.”
“Oh. Wow. Thanks!”
Shouto tips his head. “Good luck to you Izuku Midoriya.”
He smiles. “Good luck to you too, Mr. Todoroki.”
The smile on Izuku’s face stays firmly planted as he watches the man walk away. Shouto Todoroki was easy on the eyes for sure, and he appreciated how nice he was unlike his own partner. Yaoyorozu was a lucky woman in more ways than one ever since they’d announced their engagement two months back. Ah, well. One day he’ll get lucky in the love department too. Still smiling to himself, Izuku goes back into the dressing room, but instead of a pacing Katsuki he finds a glaring one looking right at him.
“Kacchan, are you okay?”
Unlike in the past, the man says nothing and doesn’t respond. He can see Katsuki’s fists clenched at his sides as if he was barely controlling his anger. Had the man heard his conversation with Shouto?! Well, you know what? After all he’s been through, he didn’t care if he had. “Fine, ignore me. We’re up soon, so be ready.” Izuku walks back outside without missing a beat. He was through with Katsuki’s behaviors.
So, surprise, surprise, the short program was like a repeat of their qualifiers. Perfect technical scores, but the components... high skating skills, high transitions, compositions, and interpretations... mediocre on the performance element. Their whole vibe lacked an emotional tie to the music or each other and the judges reamed them for it. At this level of competition, when scores differed by fractions of points, the smallest misses could be your death sentence. It left them in 4th place, 2 levels below the other American team. To reach gold now required an extraordinary long program.
The limo ride was tense the entire way back to the rented villa, with Eijiro stuck in the middle of two men refusing to even look at each other. “This is why you scored low!” He snaps at them the second they walk into the front door. “You,” he points at Katsuki. “Your anger is killing this team! I had such high hopes for you both, but without the Pamchenko, it’s over!”
“Tch!” Katsuki crosses his arms, “I ain’t got no problem with that.”
Eijiro opens his mouth to counter, but it’s Izuku who snaps first. “You, selfish, spoiled brat! It’s easy for you to say cause you’re not the one taking the greatest risk and I’ve already left the Olympics once with a sidelining injury, so I’m not gonna risk it again!” Tears break free unencumbered as he walks straight up to Katsuki and slaps him as hard as he can across the face. “Just when I’d started to fall in love you reverted back to this,” motioning up and down at the shocked male, “the asshole who only cares about himself! How could someone like you ever love me?! How?!” Izuku screams at the top of his lungs... then silences his tears, “you can’t, not like this.” He runs away to his room, slamming the door, and leaving a flabbergasted Katsuki standing there like a fool.
“He’s right,” Eijiro walks up and stares him down. “All these years I’d hoped you would change— that he might be the key, but now I don’t know.” He walks away to his room too.
“Argh!!” Katsuki screams and leaves the house. Everything was falling down around him again! “Fuck!” But he knew it was all his own damn fault. He’d wanted so badly... and now to find out Izuku... “Fucking dumb fuck!” He screams at himself! How the hell does he fix this?!
The sun had not yet risen by the time Izuku and Eijiro were up and eating breakfast quietly in the kitchen area. Neither said anything, just looking down like robots programmed to follow mundane human behaviors. Katsuki’s bed was empty and it was clear he hadn’t slept in it, but no one knew where he was. The doorman told Eijiro the man had left after the fight and never returned, and he had turned off his phone. The coach was pretty certain Katsuki wouldn’t have left the area without retrieving his belongings, plus the airline ticket was still unused. So, where was he?
“We’ll go to the arena like normal,” Eijiro tells Izuku. “Hopefully Katsuki turns up.”
Izuku himself wasn’t in the best state of mind either and mindlessly nods at the coaches words. He knew the things he’d said to Katsuki were true and needed to be said, but that didn’t mean it made him feel any better. Part of him wanted to just forfeit and leave, but at the same time, he didn’t want to be labeled the reason a U.S. team had to forfeit. If Katsuki really was going to be the stupid one, Izuku wasn’t going to let the man take him down too. Katsuki came from wealth and didn’t need anything. All Izuku had was his reputation and honor, and that was worth protecting.
The longer the day went on with no sign of Katsuki, the more Izuku really wished he could just curl upon in some hole. He felt as if everyone in the field was silently judging him. ‘Where’s his partner? Did they have a fight? Poor guy. Aww how sad...’ there he was all dressed and ready for the long program with no partner. He warmed up on the ice just in case, but it was pretty miserable doing it all alone.
Less than two hours before they were set to skate, Katsuki’s mother walks in, dragging her son behind her. Eijiro gets up to meet his employer, but Izuku barely manages a smile when the woman comes up to him.
“I know we’ve never had a chance to meet Mr. Midoriya, my name is Mitsuki Bakugou, and I extend my warmest thanks for working with my problematic son.”
Not wanting to be rude to the woman, “it’s nice to meet you Mrs. Bakugou. Your son he... he has his good sides.”
The woman laughs, “no need to be humble, I know my son is a brat. And that’s my fault, I shouldn’t have spoiled him so much. But I just want you to know that you really have made a big impact on him.” She chuckled, “It’s been quite shocking for my husband and I to listen to Eijiro’s reports.”
“Oh...” Izuku’s eyes widen. He never knew the coach was spying! “I, um am not sure what to say,” he stammers.
“Okay, okay old hag,” Katsuki suddenly interjects and starts to push his mother out the door. “We gotta get ready, so we’ll see you after the program!”
“Don’t call me a hag you brat!” She yells at her son, then waves at Izuku. “It was nice meeting you!”
“It was uh, nice to meet you too,” Izuku responds and waves back.
Katsuki returns a few minutes later and approaches Izuku. “Could we talk in private somewhere?”
“You need to get ready first,” Izuku states matter of fact. “We skate in less than 2 hours and we need to be ready.”
Katsuki nods without arguing and goes to the stylists chair, telling them to make it quick. And it doesn’t take very long for them to dress and tame his hair. Once that’s done, Eijiro and the stylist quietly take their leave.
“So,” Izuku stands there with his arms crossed, “what did you wanna say to me?”
Katsuki sighs, long and deep, hanging his head and closing his eyes. “I know saying sorry won’t mean much at this point, but for what it’s worth, I’m truly sorry Izuku.” He opens his eyes full of tears. “Last night when I left, I was so angry at myself, at the world, then I saw you with Shouto again and that pissed me off, and I took it out on you again, and that’s not right. So, I kept walking, and walking, just thinking about everything. My life, about this sport, and most of all you. I-I don’t deserve you, at all, I know that.” He pauses for a moment and closes his eyes again. “And when I found myself standing on the edge of a pier ready to jump, I called my mom to come get me.” He chuckled forlornly, “me still crying to my mother at this age, it’s so fucking pathetic. She convinced me to come here today and finish what we’d started for better or worse, make it right by you because I’m the one who dragged you into this world and it’s not okay to make you face it alone. If you hate me, I—,”Katsuki squeezes his eyes shut again as he takes another deep breath. “I-I’ll accept that. If you never forgive me, I’ll accept it because I don’t expect your forgiveness. But I just wanna say thank you for everything and I’ll always love you Izuku.”
The whole time Katsuki spoke, the man never made eye contact with him, but Izuku could feel the waves of regret flowing from him in a way he hadn’t expected. It was different from the time in Hawaii, much more heartfelt. Not that Katsuki hadn’t been trying back then, but he wasn’t exactly sure how to describe it. This apology hit Izuku more deeply somehow and when the man said he’ll always love him— he just knewKatsuki meant it with every fiber of his soul... and he knew no one could ever replace Katsuki in his own heart.
“Oh, Kacchan I don’t hate you.” His voice was soft and full of tenderness. He closes the gap between them and takes the man’s hands, forcing him to look up. His eyes were filled with happy tears, and his ear-to-ear smile was brighter than any other time in his life. “I can’t say I’m not frustrated, but I don’t hate you. Okay? We’ll work on stuff together.”
At that moment, Eijiro pops his head back into the room. “It’s time to hit the ice guys.”
“Okay!” Izuku answers cheerfully before turning back and wiping away Katsuki’s tears and his own. “Come on,” he pulls Katsuki from the dressing chair, turning as he talks, “we’re gonna kick everyone’s ass with the Pamchenko!”
“What?!” Katsuki pulls Izuku to a stop. “No! You’re right it’s too risky! We’re not doing it!”
“Yes!” Izuku continues pulling and walking, dragging Katsuki with him, “we’re doing it!” He smiles genuinely, causing Katsuki’s cheeks to flush red.
“N-No, I don’t want to risk you getting hurt Izuku! It’s too dangerous!”
The closer they get to entrance of the rink, their voices lower but the back, and forth argument continues. Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes!! The announcer calls their names, so they skate onto the middle of the rink and assume their positions.
“If you think I’m doing all this to get a routine out of you, you’re wrong! Izuku, why are you doing this?!”
“Because,” he smirks back, “I’m in the mood to kick a little ass!”
Izuku’s statement and the energy exuding from the man, makes Katsuki’s eyes flash with an adrenaline rush of excitement. He’s never felt such a rush before a program, and he loves how it feels! Any doubt he’d had of his feelings for Izuku, melted away the second the music began.
Their bodies moved in perfect alignment, truly lost in the music and their long-practiced routine flowing as a dance along the ice like two lovers pushing and pulling against each other in reflection of the journey it took to get to that point. The audience ooh and awed, spellbound as the pairs hands, strong yet covetous, molded in loving embrace before heart stopping explosive leaps and spins send their toes curling, and lifting them off their seats. But no one was more enraptured then the two skaters. The world simply fell away, and the competition became a blur around them.
Izuku had no time to process the sheer excitement coursing through his veins or those elusive tingles he’d longed to feel again from Katsuki. But they fueled him, drove him towards their end goal, and made him feel more alive than he’d ever felt! It was magic, pure and simple.
They flowed effortlessly into the first stage of the Pamchenko, with no falter to the strong grip Katsuki had on Izuku. The man was confident which in turn made him relax and relinquish all control to Katsuki’s capable hands. Izuku stayed focused, his arms kept tightly to his sides, counting each spin as the g-force momentum built up to the perfect pitch... and finally the release. The audience goes silent as Izuku’s body spun through the air, one, two, triple axel... caught! In Katsuki’s arms as Izuku hits the ice again. The entire stadium erupts while the pair glides to a smooth stop in the middle of the rink, with Izuku dipped and cradled in Katsuki’s arm.
Neither cared about the judges or competition nor the screaming fans on their feet, cheering in a thunderous roar. It was just them gazing at each other as they caught their breaths with camera lights flashing all around them.
“But why?” Katsuki’s questions Izuku again, because he genuinely couldn’t understand why the man was willing to take such a high risk. “You didn’t have to do it.”
Izuku beams back, “I told you before,” eyes softening. “Because I love you.”
Katsuki’s heart skips and soars as he swoops in, kissing Izuku with all the pent-up passion the man brought out of him. It was magical, freeing, and nothing could compare to this moment, not even winning gold! He helps Izuku to his feet and takes his hand as they bow for the crowd then skate off the ice to await the scores. “I still don’t deserve you Izuku, but I’m gonna spend the rest of my life spoiling you rotten to earn it.”
Izuku giggles, “I just want the real Kacchan, that’s all I need to be happy.”
“Well, too bad,” Katsuki laughs back, “I’m still gonna spoil you.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.” Katsuki clasps Izuku’s face in his hands with a grin. “I’m gonna work hard to curb my anger,” placing another kiss on the man’s lips, “but this is one fight you’ll never win, so just accept it.”
A tear trickles down Izuku’s cheek, which Katsuki smooths away with his thumb. Izuku felt like a damn princess in some fairytale, his eyes twinkling in the light. “Oh, Kacchan...”
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nxsmss · 4 years ago
Text
movies I watched in March
I made some changes about how I will post these. first of all, I won't be adding the cast and plot because I'm too lazy, sorry. second, I added if I would watch the movie again, and lastly I'm gonna post my reviews every week because doing it monthly makes the list too long imo
wonder woman
finding ohana
the lost city of z
promising young woman
the last sharknado: it's about time
secret society of second born royals
sentinelle
captain america civil war
doctor strange
guardians of the galaxy vol. 2
deadpool
instant family
spiderman homecoming
deadpool 2
rock it
groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück
yes day
the amazing spiderman
mulan (2020)
happy death day 2U
contagion
jumanji
thor ragnarok
guns akimbo
black panther
infinity war
1. wonder woman
okay, first of all it's an amazing movie there's no doubt in that but there are just two tiny things that are bugging me and maybe it's just because it's a DC movie and my dad basically punched it into me to be a marvel fan since I was 10. so, i did not like those shots were the characters were either falling because of a punch or jumping several hundred meters. it just looks weird and unnatural in my opinion. and the other thing... could they give her any less clothing?!?! I know it's very comic accurate but c'mon
7.5/10
would I watch it again? probably ya
2. finding ohana
this was such a cute fun little movie. i really enjoyed. it's kinda like 'journey to the center of earth' just made for today's generation and it made me feel a little nostalgic. I fuxking loved ioane's throwing up noises
8/10
would I watch it again? hm I'm gonna go with yes
3. the lost city of z
its a good movie, i can't deny that and I should definitely give it a higher rating but I thought it was like this exciting adventure movie, which it wasn't, it is based on real events and I didn't know that starting this movie. what didnt help, was that I was really tired when I watched it. I fell asleep for a bit and even my dad fell asleep, which kinda says a lot cause he never falls asleep during a movie (only if it's really late, which it wasn't. we finished it before 11)
I have to admit I think my rating would be a lot higher if I went into this movie with a different mindset!! I feel sorry only giving it 4 stars :(
4/10
would I watch it again? yes when I'm in the right mood
4. promising young woman
oh I liked this, I really did and I can recommend watching this. I did like the end, not cassie's end tho, but u like that they all kind got what they deserve. (little spoiler I was really rooting for ryan and him turning out to be an ass kinda crushed me a little)
8/10
would I watch it again? hm not sure
5. the last sharknado: it's about time
my friends hate me for watching all of these movies and tbh I hate myself too for doing so🤦🏻‍♀️ they are all so terrible!! and I have no idea if they do that on purpose or not, I really hope so. it's just so fucking bad that it's funny again. the plot is just stupid and we do not talk about the special effects. I cant really give a serious rating to this movie because it would have to be like a 0. but I feel like I cant rate it like that because I still fuckifn enjoyed watching it haha
I fucking lost it when fin pulled the sword out of the stone and it was a chainsaw
would I watch it again? yes and I hate myself for this answer
6. secret society of second born royals
fun little family movie, makes me wish I was a second born haha. it's good, there was a very very unexpected twist in this movie that neither me or my family saw coming. I just think it wasn't exactly my type
4/10
would I watch it again? nah
7. sentinelle
yea um.. it's a no from me. it was kinda really boring and it felt like there wasn't happening anything. it was supposed to be an action movie but there was hardly any action in it
2/10
would I watch it again? no
8. captain america civil war
another one of my favorite marvel movies
10/10
would I watch it again? yes
9. doctor strange
dont know what to say hahaha but if i could be a character in the mcu i would very much like it if i was a sorceress
9/10
would I watch it again? yes
10. guardians of the galaxy vol. 2
I think this is in general one of the least favourite movies in the fandom but I like it a lot. think i actually like it more that the first one and I love that we saw more of yondu in this, I really like his "powers" and the end was really sad.
8.5/10
would I watch it again? yes
11. deadpool + 14. deadpool 2
love love love the deadpool movies!!! can only recommend them. I like the second a bit more tho. what I was disappointed in, before it was released they made such a big deal about the rating saying "oh its gonna be so brutal and blah blah blah" and then, both of the movies are rated age 16+. I remember, for the first one I was so excited and then i watched it and i was like "well.. that wasn't exactly how I thought it was gonna be but okay
8/10
8.5/10
would I watch it again? yup
12. instant family
this is one of my absolute favorite movies ever. god I love it so much and the end always makes me cry (not in a sad way)
10/10 definitely
would I watch it again? YES
13. spiderman homecoming
I dont know what it is with me and this movie but I just dont really like it. I cant explain it. I'm also not the biggest mcu spiderman fan (sorry, please dont hate on me)
5/10
would I watch it again? yes if I'm doing a mcu rewatch but I don't think I would ever pick homecoming to watch when I'm bored
15. rock it
this has to be one of my favourite childhood movies (I dont even knowing I can say childhood, I was like 10 when it came out haha) I feel so sorry for all you non german speakers that cant enjoy this movie as much as i/we do. god I love it so much😂 and why the fuck isn't the soundtrack on spotify, I hate it
if you're german and you didn't watch this movie as a child I am very sorry for you.
I can already see myself watching "groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück" sometime soon🤦🏻‍♀️
10/10 (god I had to) actually no 9/10 because of the ending. I'd liked it more if they would have kicked her out of the school and they got the band back together
would I watch it again? duh
16. groupies bleiben nicht zum frühstück
yup, I watched it. and I dont like it that I did because my aggression level was already high when I started and this movie did not help with it. the main actress is just no. I'm not sure if it's her or the character but I absolutely do not like her performance in this. argh it makes me want to break something. the songs slap tho!!
this movie is just straight up 1D fanfiction from 2013
4/10 but the songs are definitely 10/10 (they definitely got inspired by green day)
would I watch it again? ugh I hope not.
17. yes day
oh I loved this movie!! fun little family movie. it only has 5.7 stars on IMDb which i totally dont get, should be higher imo. loved seeing edgar ramirez in something other than an action/thriller kinda movie.
9/10
would I watch it again? yes but I don't think anytime soon
18. the amazing spiderman
aahh the feelings I got watching this movie. like I was 12 again... I love it and this movie. andrew garfield is my favorite spiderman and no one can change my mind.
9/10
would I watch it again? yup
19. mulan (2020)
I liked it. I don't know/remember the original disney movie so maybe that's why I like it. to me it feels like they got inspired by the original movie and made a version for (young) adults. it definitely didn't feel like a kids movie
5/10
would I watch it again? I think so yea
20. happy death day 2u
naahh I didnt like this one. the first one was good (I think, I dont remember) but this one was really boring. if it wasn't for my dad I would've stopped the movie half way through
1/10
would I watch it again? no.
21. contagion
it's a very good and interesting movie but tbh i was a bit bored towards the end but maybe that was just because of my mood
6/10
would I watch it again? hm, yea probably
22. jumanji
I'm not really a fan of Dwayne Johnson but I like/tolerate him in this haha. it's a fun adventure movie, I really like it, can recommend. when I watched it in theaters I didn't know nick jonas was in it and when he showed up my sister and I completely lost it
8.5/10
would I watch it again? yes
23. thor ragnarok
another one of my favorite marvel movie. I think definitely top 5. cinematography, soundtrack, jeff goldblum, everything is just 😚👌🏼 I just realised I really miss heimdall. such an underrated character and I wish he didn't die in infinity war
god the memories I get watching this movie. I think since ultron, my family and i have been to the premiere/the first screening, whatever, of every marvel movie and for some reason this was monday midnight, no idea why... but we went anyways. my mom drank 2 liters of cola, we were home again at like 3am and everyone had to get up by like 7 the next day because of school and work.
10/10
would I watch it again? hell yes haha
24. guns akimbo
wow. I gotta say I went into this with very low expectations but I was pleasantly surprised. nice fun action movie but it also made you think about some serious issues afterwards. I loved the camera work on most of the action scenes.
7.5/10
would I watch it again? yea maybe
25. black panther
it's a fucking masterpiece!!
10/10
would I watch it again? stupid question
26. infinity war
painful
10/10
would I watch it again? another stupid question
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smolbeandrabbles · 5 years ago
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When I See You Smile - Danny Rayburn x Reader (Bloodline)
GIF CREDIT: X
@mandy23b​ @happyskywhale​ @wltz-bby​ #MendoTagSquad
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Danny + 72 - “Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.”  Requested by @waytoplantann​
--- Author’s Note: Oooooh, Danny boi.  It always feels like it’s been ages but there’s always a familiarity with writing him. He just writes so easily.
I guess there’s a little twist on this one, but sometimes I like writing these less obvious plot threads...! It’s kinda cuter than maybe envisioned 🤔
* If your OC’s aren’t broke, don’t fix ‘em.
When I See You Smile - Clay Aiken
Disclaimer: I have no association with Bloodline
Premise: Danny is having a bad day at the office, his staff hatch a cunning plan to cheer him up and fix his day!
Words: 2977
Warnings: Swearing
______ Sometimes I wonder, how I'd ever make it through Through this world without having in you I just wouldn't have a clue And sometimes it seems like this world's closing in on me There's no way of breaking free And then I see you reach for me Sometimes I wanna give up, wanna give in I wanna quit the fight The one look at you baby can make everything alright Make everything alright When I see you smile, I can face the world Oh, you know I can do anything When I see you smile, I see a ray of light Oh, I see it shining right through the rain When I see you smile Baby, when I see you smile at me Baby, there's nothing in this world that could ever do What the touch of your hands can do It's like nothing that I ever knew And when the rain is falling, I don't feel it 'Cause you're here with me And one look at you baby, it's all I'll ever need
---
Everyone has pretty much avoided him since he’d got in this morning. Danny was stressed - beyond stressed, practically freaking out. Which he guessed would have been fine, pressure was good for him from time to time - only nearly every single thing he tried was going wrong. It was not what he needed. He wanted everything to run smoothly, and when Jason tried to suggest maybe things weren’t going right because Danny was so stressed about tonight, all he got was snapped at. It wasn’t exactly making the kitchen a nice place to be. Even though they understood why Danny was stressing so much. He had a reviewer coming tonight – they’d had one before, but he didn’t know about that and the review was a lovely surprise, leading to a really great magazine article. THIS reviewer he very much was aware of. Not only that, she was one of the top restaurant critics in Miami - essentially tonight would be make or break. So, a bad day was not what Danny required. Added to that, his attitude was just making things worse for his team. Even Javi was quiet today, no banter with other waiters, no banter with the kitchen staff - certainly none with Danny. Just pick up food and send through orders; he spent far longer than he usually did front of house cleaning, so he didn’t have to walk to the kitchen again. Every so often Danny would yell something pretty unrepeatable, causing diners to look up with worry. Javi simply sighed; “Bad day at the office folks, it’s okay... big reviewer coming tonight. He’s stressed. Probably just best to let Mr.Rayburn get it out...!” At least most of them were regulars and understood. A few even cheerfully wished him good luck as they left; Danny had no option but to offer them a small smile and a thank you. Although he thought he’d need all the luck in the world to pull this off.
Eventually his yell was one too many and this time several people in the kitchen jumped. Jason took him by the arms; “Danny you can’t do this to yourself!” “No! No! I’m okay! It’s okay!” Danny tried to shrug him off, and stubbornly gripped the counter “Dude, you’re anything but okay right now - c’mon, take a break!” “Jase, if I take a fucking break, I’m gonna have a breakdown-!!” Jason steered his friend from the kitchen and passed the lockers to the parking lot. “Kinda think you’re already having one.” Danny sighed, but Jason got him to take the deep breaths of fresh air; before he inevitably reached for his cigarettes. He took a long drag before he spoke; “Okay. I get it.” “Just, stay out here, collect your thoughts and rest a bit... we all know that tonight is important Danny... but no one is gonna work at their best in that kinda kitchen atmosphere. And I know you already know that.” Jason tried to sound firm in his advice, but this was still his boss and his friend – he didn’t need to add to Danny’s ill feeling. Danny nodded, exhaling smoke, “It’s just the worst day to have a bad day. You know?”
Jason patted his shoulder knowing that, with Danny here, he was in charge and should be getting back to the kitchen; “Yeah, we know. It’ll get better - I promise, we’ll get through it, and ‘Viva’ will get a great review!” Danny smiled, but it wasn’t convincing.  “I’ll see you in a bit-!” “Yeah. Thanks, Jason.”
As soon as Jason wandered back through, Javi was already slacking off in the kitchen, leaning casually against a worktop. “Oh my GOD-! 5 minutes and you’re already here-!? If he catches you you’re out, you know that right-!? Done! You can forget about a good severance package!” Javi folded his arms, thinking his friend was being a little ungrateful; “I’m lightening the mood!” “You’re on thin ice, that’s what you are.” Although Jason did notice that the atmosphere was a little happier with Danny out of here, “Today isn’t the day Javi.” “Which is why I decided that we can sit here and worry about him, or we can get some outside help.” Jason froze, eyes wide “You didn’t.” “I did.” “He’s going to fucking murder you! What did you say-!?” “Only that he needs her! I didn’t say he was being an asshole-!” The head waiter didn’t see the point in being anything but blunt about Danny’s behaviour. “JAVI!!!” “I could have done! I coulda been brutally honest!!” “Oh, good God...” Jason put his hands in his hands, “you better hope his response is favourable, man, or we might just lose our head chef...!” Javi opened his mouth, unfolding his arms to point accusingly as Jase;  “Don’t you dare! I didn’t see anyone else having any great ideas-!!”
 **
You rolled into the parking lot at just a little past five. It was probably a lot later than they really wanted you here, but you had a few things to do and, more importantly, you wanted to make sure Nolan was alright and settled for the evening before you dealt with his father. Not that you knew why you were here beyond a general call of Danny needs you. Well yeah – however, you’d expect he’d actually want you to stay as far away from here as possible, considering it was review day. You stepped out of the car and wandered in, hoping you weren’t about to be murdered by your favourite waiter considering his call must have been close to three hours ago. And he’d sounded desperate and whiney then. Javi was busy taking orders, and the kitchen at least seemed quiet if not busy, so you seated yourself on a barstool, elbows up on the polished surface you rested your head in your palms to watch them for a minute.
He didn’t look particularly happy - it was all go, and he was working efficiently but he certainly wasn’t in a good place. Ah, that’d be why... As relaxed as Danny usually was, you weren’t surprised that he would overstress about this. Although watching them all do what they did best was honestly such a great pastime, you couldn’t help but think that you had a purpose right now. You could watch them all at any other day of the week. Jason looked like he was taking it hardest of all - and you knew Danny’s best friend – more importantly his second in command - was probably barely holding everything together back there.
 Instead you decided to put everyone out of their collective misery; “Hey Viva Caputa! Something big going on tonight?” Danny visibly jumped at a voice he didn’t expect to hear, and Javi yelled your name in unbridled joy from the other side of the restaurant, you offered a wave to him - despite the fact you didn’t turn, focused too much on the head chef.
Danny almost didn’t dare look up, in case he was hearing things. But when he did, he let out an immediate cry of what sounded like relief, dashing from the kitchen and around to you. Jason has never looked more thankful in his life, and offered you a weary wave. You grinned, completely understanding and gave him a wink, before turning your attention back to the man rounding the corner. “You have... no idea how bad I needed to see you.” “Aw, I dunno about that.” You leant on your hand once more; “I know how you get.” “What are you doing here?!” “They’re worried about you, darlin’.” You gestured to his staff, “And you seem to need a bit of moral support so here I am. Although I am also quite prepared to get kicked out at any moment, because I know how important this is to—“ Danny took a few more paces until he was across the counter, before grabbing you into a hug, he buried his head in your shoulder “—you.” You sighed gently and enveloped him in your arms, “Oh, babe... it’s okay.” You inhaled kitchen spices and fresh ingredients, the scents that filled your kitchen when Danny cooked for you. Like home, where you were sure he wished he really was; maybe you could give him some of that comfort right now. “Stay.” He mumbled, “Please stay.” “Only until she gets here, then your work and kitchen should be your focus...” You rubbed his back. For a minute Danny thought stress might get the better of him and, when he felt the lump in his throat, envisioned that he might begin sobbing into your shoulder – thankfully it didn’t happen. You hushed him soothingly and kisses his hair. “Danny you’re going to ace this. You know that right? With the team you have you’re unbeatable!” You said it loud enough for them to just about hear, so they knew how much you appreciated their efforts – but quiet enough for it to seem like it was meant only for him. It must have worked from the small smiles appearing on faces back there. Danny pulled back from you slowly, taking your hands in his; running his thumbs over yours as if he was the one attempting to make you feel better. You supposed that was an instinctive reaction to the look on your face. Your concern was for him of course, but all he was seeing was a frown he desperately wanted to get rid of. Danny needed to see you smile; for his own sake – and hell, he knew it suited you better. Your eyebrows knitted together to accompany the frown, biting your lips into a thin line before sighing gently. Tonight wasn’t just important to Danny, this restaurant was everything he based his self-worth on; he bet himself on this place. There was so much pressure that he placed on himself; and you knew that if Danny was in a mood it’d put him out of sorts with his employees. And these guys were his best friends – besides you and Nolan, they were about all he had. You wanted him to excel at this, and Danny did. Tonight was different; he needed to do well and it needed to be a success, and you wished nothing more than everyone here to get the accolades they so thoroughly deserved.
Danny slid his hands up to cup your face, for a second touching his forehead to yours. You grasped his wrists gently, to hold him there, looking between his eyes – which were desperately searching yours; “Can I do anything for you? Can I help?” He took the chance you were giving him, and nodded; “Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.” It wasn’t hard for him to get you to do so, as the instant he said it you did. At first it was small – almost amused – like a soft glow, but it only took a few seconds for it to become a beam. And pretty soon you raised one from him; and you weren’t sure what the lip bite was suppressing – his happiness or his tears. Danny needed to see you smile because he didn’t want to see you with that little frown; but also because if you were in a good mood he would usually follow suit – or at least significantly cheer up, as you were doing for him now. He looked away for a second with a chuckle; “Yeah… you… you might just have saved my day.” Then you laughed, it was like sweet music and Danny felt his heart swell before he started laughing too – and leaning forward once more it was his lips that he pressed to your forehead, “Thank you.” “Oh no.” You caught his lips properly, and your kiss was just as sweet. You nodded behind you and he swivelled to see Javi had joined Jason in the kitchen; they were both grinning, “I think you’re thanking the wrong person.” Danny laughed, and gave them a grin of his own, “You two are the fucking WORST-!” **
His staff let him stay with you out here for a little while to calm down. You thought that was just as much for them as it was Danny, they probably needed that respite from their boss, because they sure as hell wouldn’t get any of the rest of the night. His hand barely left yours as he recounted to you any and every subject that came to his mind – including the use of the word holiday, which you immediately jumped on. If there’s one thing that Danny might need it was a vacation. What brought you out of your own little world was Javi snapping to attention, neatening out his hair and uniform and wandering to the front of the restaurant before the guest had even walked in. Everyone was on high alert for the reviewer – and it appeared she’d just arrived. Javi greeted her extremely professionally and as he passed you both, walking her to her table he gave Danny a look that could only say ‘good luck.’ Your eyes flicked back to your partner, who also immediately straightened behind the counter. “Oh! Is that her?” “Mhm.” He swallowed hard, brushing his own chefs’ whites down. “Alright, Chef Rayburn, I’ll head out.” You pulled him gently to you to neaten his hair, before offering him a good luck kiss; “Good luck - I know you’ll ace this. And you got a whole team that believe in you, they got your back-!” Danny gave you a quick hug before you slipped from the bar stool; “Okay, I’ll see you back at home.” You nodded, shouldering your bag and waving to the kitchen staff, offering Danny a final wink and blown kiss before heading to the door; “Oh and Y/N-!” He called you back, making you turn – because he knew you’d instantly smile at being needed once more, and he would get to see it again; “Thank you!”
*** It was unusual for you to wake up alone. Even more unusual for you to wake up last - in fact because of Danny’s schedule, you were pretty much always the first one ready and out the door. Unless he told you he would be clocking in early, and he hadn’t raised such a thing last night.  You were half inclined to stay here and forget it, but you reached for your phone instead. You didn’t even get to unlock it before you heard the front door reopen. At the sound you instantly smiled and scrambled out of bed, running down the corridor to check on him.
“Hey babe! What’s going on? What were you doing out so early?” Danny took a deep breath and waved a glossy magazine at you. Oh, the review! It must have been out today. “This is it!” “Well did you read it-!?” You were as excited and nervous for the result as he was. “No. You’re kidding - either way it went I wouldn’t have been in a fit state to drive home!!” He placed it on the island, staring at it like it was the holy grail and inhaled again. You laced your fingers together holding them to your lips; “Babe, the suspense is killing me.” “What if it’s awful-!?” “Hun, you said the night went well - more than that, we both already know that your restaurant is incredible, I don’t see how this can be bad.” “Okay, okay...” Danny flipped over the first page and scanned the contents, before nodding and thumbing through to the correct page number. And he was only looking at the page numbers, you rolled your eyes - your partner did have a flair for the dramatic sometimes. He stopped as he reached it and covered his eyes; “Oh God. I can’t look.” “Danny - not looking will not change what she’s said.” He let the page roll out fully and took a further ten seconds of preparation before he removed his hand and read. It wasn’t even three seconds before his hands shot to his mouth and whatever he exclaimed was muffled as he stepped back from the counter laughing. (You were pretty sure there was an expletive or two in there). “What-!?” He kept laughing, “NO! Danny, what---!” You crossed the kitchen to him and leant across the counter to read it for yourself, then immediately understood, what came out of your mouth way much more a scream of joy. 5 Stars. “I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU’D DO IT!!” You turned to him overjoyed, and you weren’t sure you’d seen him smile so much in a while as he gathered you in his arms. You linked yours around his neck and kissed him hard, “Danny---! Oh gosh, BABE!!” “That’s a lot of… thanking I have to do, oh man are we…!” He laughed again, harder, “Is this happening?!” Danny’s arms around your waist squeezed you tighter and he read a little more “Geez… wow… That’s two great reviews! That’s--!” His hands only left you to run through his hair, “Crazy!” You were also smiling like crazy; “I’m so proud of you!” You brought his eyes back to you and kissed him again, “I guess you’re about to get a hell of a lot busier, Danny Rayburn.” He grinned, “I’ll worry about that,” then winked “You just keep smilin’!” That only made you giggle as he peppered you with kisses again and the kitchen filled with the sounds of your laugher. All the stress was worth it, for him and for the team. That’s what really mattered. You knew that your smile was important to Danny, but, it was the smile on his face that had to stay. You’d make sure of that. And a 5 star review was a very good place to start!
---
6/16 - Ten to go!! Ohh! Exciting!
Thank you so much for reading! 🙏🥰
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soobiniebaby · 4 years ago
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Angels & Devils Part VII : Green Light
Tomorrow x Together Fanfiction
~ p a r t s : main post || prologue || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5 || part 6 || part 7 || part 8 || part 9 || part 10 || part 11 || part 12 || part 13 || part 14 || part 15 || part 16 || part 17 ~ p a i r i n g : love triangle involving choi soobin and choi yeonjun ~ g e n r e : high school au | some social media au | some fluff & angst | childhood friends | love triangle ~ l a n g u a g e : English ~ w a r n i n g : contains swearing, alcohol, kissing (?) and may contain mature themes (angst, etc.) ~ a / n : This will be my first fanfic (go easy on me pls) and i’m just writing this as I go along, so bear with me juseyo The setting (place/country) of the story is up to the reader’s interpretation ~ s u m m a r y : What should she choose? Han Baby: the new girl with a troubled past MO Academy: her new high school Choi Soobin: student council president, member of the Ecosave club, volunteer at the Humane Treatment of Animals, member of the Honor Society, a vocalist in the Jazzed club, the school’s all around golden boy Choi Yeonjun: leader of the Dance club, star of the Jazzed club, the school’s it boy with a bad rep 5 best friends, 1 new girl, 1 childhood friendship, 1 epic love triangle? What will this school year bring?
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“No?” Yeonjun asks.
B nods her head. “No.”
He raises a brow at her. “But you just nodded.”
“Yeah, I was saying ‘yes’ to your ‘no?’.” B explains.
“Wait, so you’re saying yes?”
B lets out a huff. “Yeonjun, seriously—”
The blue-haired boy laughs. “Baby, I’m kidding. Don’t worry, I understand. May I ask why, though?” He was genuinely curious. Was he expecting to get shot down? Not really. But was he expecting her to say yes? Kind of. When Choi Yeonjun asks someone out, he almost always gets a yes on the first try.
“We’re friends, you and I.” B starts, her eyes starting to dart around the shed as she continues. “And my best friend is one of your best friends. I don’t want to mess up our friendship group’s dynamic by going out with you and then being dumped by you and then having everything crash and burn afterwards.”
“What ‘group dynamic?’ What ‘being dumped?’ What ‘having everything crash and burn?’ How are you so sure that all that is gonna happen?” Yeonjun asks. He had to keep himself from chuckling and maintain a straight face, because as ridiculous as it all sounded to him, he knew that she was serious and he wanted to treat it seriously.
“If I go out with you and you and I don’t work out, everything between us will get awkward. I know Ningning’s my best friend, but the boys will definitely pick your side, so I’ll probably have to find a new group of friends to hang out with.” B explains.
“Baby, I promise you, we won’t end up like that. If you agree to go out with me, nothing will change. We’ll all still be friends. You won’t lose us.” Yeonjun says reassuringly.
“And how would you know? Have you ever dated someone from your circle of friends before?” B asks, raising a brow.
“God no. As attractive as my friends are, I don’t think I could ever see myself going out with any of them. I mean, Hyuka’s like a baby brother to me, Taehyun is too perfect it’s kinda intimidating, and Beomgyu just isn’t my type. I mean, I think Soobin and I could work if we gave it a shot, but I don’t think he’d be interested.” Yeonjun says jokingly.
“Yeonjun, come on. You know what I mean.” B says, letting out a small laugh.
“Okay, I haven’t. But look at Gyu and Ryujin for example. Sure, they weren’t in the same friend group, but they were friends and they dated, and then they went back to being friends. Friendships don’t have to crash and burn just because of a few dates.” Yeonjun says defensively.
“Yeah, okay, Gyu and Ryu managed to stay friends. But if things don’t work out between you and I—” B starts, until Yeonjun interrupts her.
“But what if they do...” he says quietly.
“What?” B says, unable to hear him properly.
“But what if they do? What if we do? What if things between us work out?” Yeonjun asks.
B’s quiet for a moment before slowly starting again. “It’s not just our friendship I’m worried about, you know. I just moved here, I’m going through a big adjustment period in my life right now, and I’m just starting to make friends and establish a routine, and I like that you’re a part of it. I like seeing you everyday, I like that we’re classmates for at least 1 period and that I get to hang out with you and eat lunch with you and the rest of the boys.” she says, and as positive as it all sounded, Yeonjun had a feeling he knew what she’d say next. “But I’m not ready to change any of it. I like you, Yeonjun, enough to at least enjoy seeing you everyday. But I’m not ready to do anything that could change how things in my life are right now.”
Yeonjun nods. “It’s alright, Baby. I understand.” he says sincerely, looking right at her eyes. She really did look sorry, but at the same time her eyes kept darting back and forth between his and the ground. He could tell she was being sincere, but it looked like there was something more that she didn’t want to say. She was fairly easy to read, but he couldn’t decipher what else could possibly be on her mind.
“So that’s why I’m saying no. I’m really sorry, Yeonjun. I like our friendship too much right now to let anything get in the way of it.” she says, her eyes meeting his.
“You like our friendship too much right now? What about, say, in 2 weeks? Do you think you’d feel differently about our friendship then?” Yeonjun asks innocently.
“Yeah, if you suddenly become unbearably annoying in the next 2 weeks, that could definitely change.” B says sarcastically. “I don’t know, Yeonjun. It’s not like I can see into the future or anything, but I don’t think anything could change how I feel about us in a span of 2 weeks.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Baby. Everything can change in 2 weeks.” Yeonjun says mysteriously. When B raises a brow at him, he just smiles at her with a glint in his eye. “You’ll see. Now c’mon, let’s get back in there before they come looking for us.” he says, opening the door and leading her out of the shed.
•°•
It had only been 2 hours since she turned Yeonjun down, but looking at him now, B was starting to regret it just a tiny bit.
The boys had been rehearsing in Soobin’s house for an hour now. They hadn’t really been singing or rapping as Taehyun hinted they would be. They were working on the choreography and mostly polishing their positions and transitions, and as impressively sharp and coordinated as they all were, she had to admit that she couldn’t keep her eyes off of Yeonjun.
The blue haired boy could dance.
Simply the way he moved made him stand out. His movements were completely controlled yet so effortlessly executed, as if dance were a language and his body was highly fluent. She could see now why girls would go crazy when they see him perform, and a small part of her was starting to regret turning him down, even though she knew it was silly. Him being an amazing dancer shouldn’t be a factor to take into consideration when deciding whether not she would date him.
But still. She caught herself staring at him more than she’d like to admit. It was only when Kai threw himself onto the carpeted floor and yelled “Water break!” when she snapped out of it and stood up with a jolt.
“I’ll get you guys water, consider me as your unofficial water girl. That’ll be 5 water bottles, right?” B says, volunteering. “Uh, I guess I’ll get them from the fridge…?” she says, trailing off.
Soobin laughs, wiping sweat from his forehead before saying “Alright, I’ll show you where they are. Come on.”
B nods as she follows Soobin out of the room and downstairs towards the kitchen.
“So what do you think of our performance so far?” Soobin asks. “I know I’m not the best dancer, so it’s okay, you can be as brutally honest as you want.”
“Soobin, you guys are amazing. If the choreography looked that good, I can’t wait to see what the singing and rapping will sound like! And shut up, you’re a great dancer.” B says, playfully shoving his arm.
Soobin smiles, a bit embarrassed. “Thanks. You’ll only have to wait 2 more days until you see the whole thing, so I hope you look forward to it.”
“You bet I am! I didn’t know Ningning could dance either. Growing up, he was very interested in singing and playing different instruments, but I never knew he could rap and dance as well.” B says, amazed.
Soobin nods. “The Jazzed club helped a lot of us with honing in skills that we didn’t even know we had. It definitely helped me a lot with feeling more confident about myself. I used to be insanely shy until Yeonjun convinced me to join Jazzed club. Since then, I’ve even had the courage to take on the responsibility of being Student Council President, which is something I never thought I’d see myself doing.” he says bashfully.
“Wow Soobin, were you really that shy? I’m glad you’ve come out of your shell then, you’re doing great as far as I can tell. I guess being in Jazzed club helped you a lot then.” B says, smiling at him.
“You wouldn’t believe how shy I was.” Soobin laughs. “And yeah, it really has. Are you interested in joining? I think you’d like it.”
B thinks about it for a moment. “It looks like a lot of fun, and you guys make it seem so amazing. But I have to admit that I’ve never really been musically inclined? Don’t get me wrong, I tried really hard to learn how to play instruments when I was younger. Ningning tried to teach me how to play the piano, but I just couldn’t ever get it right. The most musical thing I can do is sing, but I don’t think I’m very good at that either, and besides, anyone can sing if they try hard enough.”
“I’m not great at instruments either, but I sang a lot while I was growing up and it was something I enjoyed doing. Never in my whole life did I ever think I’d be dancing on a stage in front of an audience though, but that also changed when I joined the club.” Soobin admitted.
“I really can’t wait to see you perform. I’ll get a front row seat, and I’ll be the one screaming my lungs out.” B says, laughing.
“If that’s the case then I’ll make sure to dance my heart out. I mean, if you’re gonna be giving it all with your lungs, might as well give it my best with all my heart as well.” Soobin says.
“Looking forward to seeing it.” B says, smiling up at him just as they reach the kitchen. “Oh, by the way, we should probably post stuff for our creative writing project too.”
“Oh, sure. Got any good pics from last night? I think I might have one.” Soobin says, whipping his phone out.
“I should probably be the one to post something though, since you posted something first.” B says, also taking out her phone. “We should each have at least one post every week.”
Soobin nods in agreement.
The two continue to look through their camera rolls until B exclaims “Ooh, I’ve got one!”
“Alright, I wanna see it.” Soobin says, attempting to look over B’s shoulder to peak at her phone.
“No way, you’ll see it when you post it! Let me just think of a caption.” B says, shielding her phone from Soobin’s curious eyes as she types out a caption.
Soobin’s phone pings with a notification, and he checks it.
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“Oh wow, I knew we took selfies together but who took this photo?” Soobin asks, transfixed. Were they really that close together last night? He had to admit that he wasn’t completely sober so the night was a bit fuzzy, but he didn’t realize that he had ever been in such proximity with B. Other than the moment she whipped cake off his face, of course. At the memory of that, he felt his cheeks start to warm up again.
“I think Yuna or Ryujin did? I’m sure it was one of them. We all airdropped each other all the photos we took from last night. There are a lot stolen photos, and most of them were highly unflattering, but this one seemed alright.” B says.
“Yeah, it seems alright.” Soobin says as he looks at the post again, noting how their faces were side by side, he could’ve rested his chin on her shoulder.
“Alright, now show me where the water bottles are.” B says, pocketing her phone.
“The what?” Soobin asks, his mind still on the post.
“The water bottles? I need to bring at least 5, which I probably couldn’t have carried all on my own, so it’s actually really good that you’re here. Now, where are they?” B asks.
“Ah, right. They’re here in the fridge.” Soobin says, walking over to the fridge and grabbing as much bottles as he could. “We’re gonna need way more than 5 by the way, so let’s just take as much as we can for now.”
“Alright, let’s go.” B says, cradling 4 bottles in her arms as Soobin pushes the refrigerator door close with his foot, his arms full of water bottles.
“Let’s go.” Soobin says, and the 2 of them head back to the designated practice room.
•°•
On Monday morning, B had to walk to school alone.
It was club recruitment day, and Taehyun had told her beforehand that he’d be going to school an hour earlier that usual in order to prepare for the busy day, especially since he was the vice president of the student council.
“Do you still wanna walk together, though? Or would you rather sleep in for an extra hour?” Taehyun had asked her through text the night before.
Of course, she chose sleep. As much as she loved walking with Taehyun to school everyday, she did not want to get up an hour earlier than she had to.
“Nah, it’s fine. I can walk alone. I’m sure it’ll be a busy day for you anyway, so don’t worry about me.” she responded.
Now, here she was, entering the campus alone.
She was surprised by how busy it was. Along the school grounds, several booths were set up, each with at least 3 people, calling people over, handing out flyers, holding up signup sheets. Most booths had small exhibits, music playing out of portable speakers, and some booths were even giving away snacks or candies to attract more people.
She was so amazed and overwhelmed by the scene in front of her that she almost didn’t notice Beomgyu approaching her with a polaroid camera and taking a quick picture of her.
“Ha! Gotcha, B!” Beomgyu says, laughing as he cradles his camera, waiting for the picture he just took to develop. Once it was done, he flapped it around for a bit before laughing and pocketing the picture. “That was a good one.”
“Gyu! Oh god, you surprised me. Didn’t see you coming. And what’s with the picture? Can I see it?” B says, a fist clutched to her chest. “Wow, so this is what club recruitment day is like?” she asks, looking around in amazement.
Beomgyu stands beside her and nods. “Nah, I think I’ll keep the picture to myself for now. And yup, pretty much. It can be pretty intimidating for freshmen and new students, but it’s all really fun.” he says. “In the morning we have the booths wherein people can check out what clubs are around, in the afternoon there’s the visitations so people can visit the rooms to check out what the clubs are like, then from 3PM onwards there’s the showcase in the auditorium wherein each club can put together a skit or performance to show off what they’ve got.” he explains.
B nods. “Wow, it seems so exciting.”
“It’s one of the busiest days of the school year, and it’s one of the hardest events to plan since it’s at the very start of the school year, so we were working on it even during the summer before classes started.” Beomgyu admits. “I’m part of 4 clubs, not including the student council, so it was a lot of work for me too. Especially since I’m the head of the Journalism club and in charge of the school paper.” he pouts.
“Aw, Gyu, it all looks great. You’ve done a great job.” B says, giving the boy a pat on the back. “Is that why you’re going around with a camera, by the way? For the school paper?”
Beomgyu nods. “Nah, these pictures are for my personal documentation though if I get any interesting pictures, I could use them for the paper. I do have a documentation team going around with cameras as well, but I like being behind the lens. Say cheese.” he says before quickly capturing a stolen photo of B once again.
“Gyu!” B screeches, caught off guard. “I better not see my face in any pictures on the school paper this month.”
“Don’t worry, I get to do final approvals for everything before each edition gets published.” Beomgyu says reassuringly. He smiles as the picture finishes printing and tucks it away in his pocket once again. “By the way, you interested?” he asks.
“In the school paper?” B asks. “Maybe. I write but I’m not sure if I’m any good at it, and I’m no pro at cameras either. I actually don’t know what clubs I might join.” B admits.
“Oh, maybe I can help you with that. I can walk with you for a bit, show you around the booths, try to see if anything interests you.” Beomgyu offers, which B gladly accepts.
“Are you interested in anything in particular? Got any hobbies?” Beomgyu asks as they begin walking around.
“Hm, I’m not sure. Got any clubs about reading? Or anything about animals?” B asks hopefully.
“For reading? I think there’s the literature club. That’ll be nice if you’re a fan of books and poetry and stuff. And if you’re an animal lover, you should definitely check out the HTA. That’s the Humane Treatment of Animals club. They’ve set up an animal shelter within the school and do a lot of volunteer work with animal rescue and stuff.” Beomgyu says.
“Okay, now those sound very interesting to me.” B says. “Do you know where their booths are? Can you show me?”
Beomgyu nods. “The council was highly involved in planning for today’s activities, and we had to approve of the booth layouts, so I think I remember where the booths are positioned. This way.” he says, leading them through rows of booths.
B could see then how much of a big deal extracurricular activities were at MOA. All the students seemed to be pumping with energy. She’d lost count of the number of times she had been offered flyers for different clubs by the time they reached the booth for the literature club.
The students managing the booth engaged her in a quick introduction about the club and their activities and had given her a flyer as well. Included in the flyer was the location of the club’s room and the schedule for the day. She gladly accepted it and put her name into the signup sheet.
“Alright, that’s good. Your first signup! Next stop, the HTA. I believe their booth is this way, right next to the—” Beomgyu begins, but he’s cut off by a shrill shriek.
“Baba! Baba!” Kai squeals as Beomgyu and B walk past the Art Club’s booth.
“—Art Club.” Beomgyu finishes, as Kai runs over from inside the booth, right to where they were standing.
Kai gives B a big hug as he joins her side. “Baba! Come check out the Art Club!” Kai says excitedly.
“Ningning, hey!” B says, surprised to see him.
“Wait you two, say cheese real quick.” Beomgyu says, pointing his polaroid camera at them. The 2 happily oblige and instantly pose, with Kai wrapping an arm around B’s waist and B lifting an arm up all the way to the top of Kai’s head in a peace sign, and Beomgyu pockets the picture once it’s done.
“Are you here to check out the Art Club?” Kai says excitedly.
“Ah, the Art Club. Of course.” she says, eyeing the booth. “I almost forgot that you were the president.”
“Of course I’m the president. My club’s the best club on the campus. Here, take a flyer.” Kai says, practically shoving one into her hands. “You too, Gyu.” he says, as he shoves one in the boy’s face. “By the way, what are you doing with Baba? I thought you were supposed to be manning the Journalism Club’s booth.” he asks suspiciously.
“Psh, just ‘cause I’m club president doesn’t mean I should be stuck watching over the booth. It’s all a matter of delegation.” Beomgyu says smugly. “Besides, I’d rather be walking around and capturing all the action than be stuck behind a booth all morning.”
Kai looks torn for a moment, like he wanted to abandon his booth and join Beomgyu and B, but he just shakes his head. “As much as I’d love to join you guys, I can’t abandon my booth. Not at the last minute, at least.” he says, pouting.
B laughs at the boy. “C’mon, Ningning, you’re doing great. Look, your signup sheet’s all full already!” she says, noticing the clipboard on the table.
“Don’t worry, we always have room for more. Here.” Kai says, taking the clipboard and flipping the sheet over to reveal another page full of free space. “Sign up, Baba! It won’t automatically mean you’re signing up to be a member, but it saves you a spot for the room visits this afternoon.” he adds, noting how hesitant B looked.
“Alright, I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” B says, signing her name on the sheet. She had no intentions of joining the art club since she was never talented at any form of art, but she figured it wouldn’t hurt to check it out, especially since her best friend was the president of the club.
“Yay, thanks Baba! See you later!” Kai says excitedly. “Where are you guys headed, anyway? Signed up for any other clubs yet?” he asks.
“We were headed to the HTA booth.” Beomgyu answers.
“Ah yeah, I almost forgot how much of an animal lover you are.” Kai says. “Their booth is right next door.”
“Yeah, I’m actually thinking of getting a pet soon, since I have my own apartment now.” B says. “Alright, we’ll check out the booth now. Later, Ningning!” she says, waving at her best friend as she and Beomgyu walk away.
“Are you really thinking of getting a pet for your apartment?” Beomgyu asks curiously. “What kind of pet would you want?”
“I like a lot of animals, I find them all really adorable.” B admits. “But I think I’d really want to get a cat, or maybe a couple of bunnies.”
“Oh, are those your favorite animals?” Beomgyu asks. “I’ve got a pet parrot, his name is Toto. You should meet him someday, he’s really sweet.” he says fondly.
Just then, they see Soobin standing outside the HTA booth, handing out flyers to people passing by. There was just one detail about him that caused Beomgyu and B to burst out laughing instantly.
He was wearing bunny ears made out of balloons on his head.
Beomgyu quickly snapped a picture with his polaroid camera while B quickly whipped her phone out to take pictures as well.
The sound of their laughter and the flash from Beomgyu’s camera caused Soobin to notice them, and his face instantly went red as he did.
“Gyu! B! What are you doing?” he wails, covering his face and turning away from them.
“Soobin! You look adorable!” B manages to say in between bursts of laughter.
“So this is how the HTA manages to get so many recruits every year.” Beomgyu says, amused. “Now I’m not surprised. Using you as a mascot is genius. No one can resist you, Soobinie.” he says teasingly.
“Oh, shut up.” Soobin says, his face still red. “What are you guys even doing here?”
“I was just helping B find clubs that she might be interested in.” Beomgyu says, casually draping an arm over her shoulders. “She says she’s an animal lover, so I figured she’d wanna check out the HTA, and now here we are. And here you are.”
B nods. “Yeah, Gyu told me that the club do a lot of volunteer work and even set up an animal shelter within the school, and I was instantly hooked. I really love animals.” she says with a twinkle in her eye.
Soobin smiles. “You’ve come to the right place, then. Here, have a flyer.” he says, offering her a flyer, which she gladly accepts.
She reads through the flyer then, her excitement to join the club growing by the minute. “Oh wow, now this is my kinda club.” she says. “Are you the club president, Soobin?”
“Yup. You interested? Wanna sign up?” he asks hopefully.
“Definitely! I’m already looking forward to joining.” B says, as Soobin hands her the clipboard with the signup sheet, which she gamely signs.
“Great! I guess we’ll be expecting you to drop by the club sometime after lunch for the visitations? The club’s location is on the flyer, so try your best not to lose it.” Soobin says.
“Sure thing. See you then.” B says excitedly.
“Hey, you two, say cheese!” Beomgyu says, pointing his polaroid camera at them. Soobin and B stand side by side and smile, but Beomgyu lowers his camera as he looks at them. “Okay, maybe pose a bit and say cheese? Come on, don’t just stand there.” he whines.
Soobin gives Beomgyu a look and B just rolls her eyes. She holds her arms out to Soobin and slowly steps closer towards him until her arms surrounded his body, and she closed them around him. He lets out a surprised laugh and decides to go along with it as he wraps his arms around her too. Slightly embarrassed, she squeezes her eyes shut and smiles. Just then, Beomgyu snaps a picture.
“Okay, that was a pretty good shot.” he says. He holds it up once its done developing, examining it one more time, before pocketing it.
“You know, that’s like the 4th picture you’ve taken of me this morning, yet I haven’t seen a single one of them.” B says as she steps away from Soobin. “Can I have at least one of them?” she asks.
“Nope, I keep all of the polaroids that I take. I’ve got a whole collection of them. I can print you out some copies if you want, though.” Beomgyu offers,
“Yes please, I’d really like that.” B says. “I’d also like to see your collection someday. Seems interesting.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to show you if you ever stop by my place.” Beomgyu says. “Well, that’s all the club you wanted to check out, right? Anything else you wanna do before lunch? Wanna check out other booths? I think Tyun’s managing the Debate Club’s booth, and Yeonjun’s probably at the Dance Club’s booth. We can stop by the Journalism club’s booth too so I can see how things are going.” Beomgyu offers.
“Sure thing, whatever you wanna do, Gyu. Lead the way.” B says.
“Alright, let’s go! See you later, Soobin.” Beomgyu says to the boy with the bunny ears.
“See you later.” Soobin responds.
“I’ll be sure to drop by the HTA later. See you then!” B says, giving a small wave before Beomgyu drags her along with him and they disappear into the booths once again.
•°•
“Hold still.”
“I’m trying.”
“Try harder, just hold still.”
“I literally haven’t moved since you started.”
“I said hold still, Baba!” Kai exclaims, trying his best to sketch her as accurately as possible.
“I am!” B says, smiling through her teeth. It was already after lunch, and visitations had already started. Her first stop was at the Literature Club, and it seemed interesting enough. They presented more information about the club and what activities they’d be offering for the school year. She was on her way to the HTA when she ran into Kai, who all but kidnapped her and dragged her into the Art Club.
She figured spending a few minutes in the art club wouldn’t hurt, especially since Kai had been so excited to pull her into the room. But then he insisted that she let him do a quick sketch of her, and B realized a little too late that it meant she’d have to stick around a little bit longer than she had planned.
It’s been 15 minutes since Kai had first told her to hold still, and she was starting to lose patience. When her phone alarmed with a notification, she was relieved to have an excuse to move. She sees that it’s a message from Soobin and she replies as quick as she can.
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B locked her phone and put it back in her pocket, feeling much more better than she did a minute ago. She told herself that she only had to hold still for 5 more minutes, and she hoped that Kai would let her go once Soobin arrived.
Sure enough, after 5 more minutes of holding still, B heard one of the art club members exclaim “President Choi! What are you doing here? Are you looking for Hueningkai?”
Kai’s head snaps up from his work upon hearing his name. “Younghoon, who are you talking to? Is that Soobin?”
The art club member, Younghoon, answers “Yes, he says he’s looking for someone.”
“Alright, welcome him in.” Kai says, putting his work down. B sighed in relief as Soobin walked into the room. When his eyes met hers, he gave her a quick wink, knowing that he was doing her a favor.
“Hyuka, hey! How’s the president of the art club doing?” Soobin says, walking over to Kai and giving his shoulders a squeeze.
“I’m doing good, we got a lot of signups today and the visits have been going really well.” Kai responds. “And how’s the president of the HTA doing?”
“Stressing out a bit, that’s actually why I’m here. I need  help with tracking down one of the campus cats. We were hoping to introduce all the campus animals during recruitment day but there’s one cat that we haven’t seen around in days. All my members have their hands full with the signups and visitors, so I was hoping I could find an extra pair of helpful hands here?” Soobin says, looking pointedly at B.
“Oh, I don’t know, Soobin. The art club’s pretty busy right now, too. I could ask some of my officers if they could help you?” Kai offers.
“Nonsense, your officers should stay here. I’ll go, I’m not I’m not needed here anyway. And I already had plans to stop by the HTA, so I think it would be nice if I could help out.” B insists.
Kai lets out a sigh. “Alright, I guess I’ll finish your portrait some other time.” he says.
“You sure you won’t mind? You can stay here if you want, I can try checking out the debate club if Taehyun can help.” Soobin asks innocently. Wow, he was good at this.
B smiles. “No need for that, I’m happy to help. I love cats anyway, I’m sure it’ll be fun.”
Kai waves the two of them goodbye, and they leave the art club together.
“Is there really a missing cat around the campus?” B asks, concerned.
Soobin shakes his head. “Nope. I just made it up. The cats and dogs in campus never wander far, so it’s easy to keep track of them all.”
“Wow you’re surprisingly good at lying then.” B says, impressed. “Oh, I can’t wait to meet them all! How many animals are there in the campus.”
Soobin just gives her a smile and says “You’ll see.” as they continue to make their way across the campus until they reach the edge of the school grounds, where a small cabin was located surrounded by a garden.
“This is another part of the campus that I haven’t been to yet.” B says. “Now, I’m really glad that you came, cause I don’t think I would’ve been able to find this place on my own.”
Soobin laughs and says “You’re very welcome, then.” as they step into the threshold of the garden. “B, welcome to the Humane Treatment of Animals, or the HTA in short. The club was established a few years ago when some animal-loving students noticed just how many cats and dogs were freely roaming the campus. They decided to assemble interested members, and with the permission of the school board, they were able to have this small area built within the campus grounds as a donation.”
“That sounds pretty impressive, it’s a good thing that those students took the initiative to do all this.” B says, staring at the establishment in wonder. Soobin leads her to the small cabin and opens the door for her.
As they step into the room, they’re met with the other members and officers of the club welcoming the other students who have signed up. And also, B couldn’t help but let out a little squeal as she saw cats and dogs all around the place, some were peacefully sleeping in random spots, some were rubbing up against the students and asking for attention, and there was one white cat that was right by the door as they walked in, and gave them a little meow.
“Oh my god, who is this cutie?” B says, instantly crouching down to examine the cat, who was rubbing itself against her feet. She offers a hand in front of the cat’s face, and the cat starts to nuzzle its face into her hand, which instantly makes her melt.
“Ah, that little guy’s name is Tobin. He’s the one in the picture I sent you earlier, one of my favorites. He’s very friendly, he loves to get pets and cuddles, but he’ll beg incessantly for food once he gets a whiff of anything that smells delicious to him.” Soobin says, joining B and Tobin on the floor as he crouches down as well.
“So if I join this club, I get to hang out with Tobin and all these animals every Friday?” B asks. “Count me in.”
Soobin grins at her then. “Alright, I’ll get you a copy of the official membership form. Have it filled in before the end of the day. All forms will be collected after the showcase this afternoon, so it gives everyone enough time to finalize which clubs they want to join.”
B shakes her head. “I have zero doubts in my mind that this is the club for me. If you give me the form now, I’ll fill it up and submit it right here, on the spot.”
And so he does.
•°•
B spent the rest of the time for club visitations at the HTA, getting to know the other members and cuddling up with all the animals under the club’s care. When Soobin announced that he had to go to the auditorium to do final preparations for the showcase, B asks him if she could tag along.
“I wanna make sure to get good seats, front row, right in the center.” she says, so Soobin allows it. Once they reached the auditorium, he went backstage with the rest of the organizers and performers, and she secured 3 seats in the front row, texting Yuna and Ryujin to come join her. The auditorium was already fairly full despite there being 30 minutes before the showcase started, and soon enough Yuna and Ryujin walked in and joined her.
The three girls start catching up, talking about everything that had transpired over the weekend, from Hueningkai’s surprise party all the way up to club recruitment day, which Ryujin and Yuna didn’t have much to do with since they had already joined clubs since they freshmen year.
They were so caught up in talking that they didn’t notice how full and busy the auditorium was, and it was only when someone from backstage announced “Please settle down, the showcase will begin in 5 minutes” did they notice how much time had passed since they started talking.
“Wait, there is one thing I’ve been dying to know all weekend.” Yuna asks with a glint in her eye.
“Oh, me too. I think I know what you’re talking about.” Ryujin says, looking at Yuna knowingly.
B looks back and forth to her left and right at the 2 girls. “Well, don’t just look at each other like that, what is it?”
The 2 girls give each other sly smiles before turning to B, who was sitting in the middle of them. “What did you and Yeonjun do during your 7 minutes in heaven?”
B could feel her cheeks heat up, remembering once again what she had been trying to push out of her mind the whole weekend. “Nothing much, we just talked, played 20 questions to pass the time. He was really nice.” she tries to say as casually as possible.
“Come on, you’re blushing like crazy!” Yuna says, laughing at how red B’s face was.
“Spill it!” Ryujin exclaims, poking B’s sides until she finally caved.
“Alright, fine, but promise me you won’t tell a single soul about this. I haven’t told anyone about this, not even Hueningkai, so if this information somehow circulates, I know it’ll be because of you two.” B says reluctantly.
“You know we wouldn’t do that to you.” Ryujin says. “We promise we won’t tell anyone, now spill it.”
B takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh before saying “Yeonjun asked me out.”
Yuna squeals in delight while Ryujin just smirks. “Why am I not surprised.” she says smugly. “So what happened? How was it? Are you two secretly dating now?”
“No no, nothing happened. I turned him down.” B admits, and that’s when Yuna and Ryujin actually looked surprised.
“What? You turned him down? Why?!” Yuna asks, completely baffled.
“He’s my friend, and he’s one of my best friend’s best friends, I don’t wanna mess anything up. Imagine how awkward the group dynamic would be.” B says defensively.
“But it’s Choi Yeonjun!” Yuna exclaims. “Oh gosh, I know I’ve had the biggest crush on Kai in like forever, but if Choi Yeonjun asked me out, I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat.”
“It’s complicated, I just don’t want to complicate things, is all.” B says.
“Yuna, hush, we have to respect B’s decision.” Ryujin says, patting the girl on her knee. “B, how did Yeonjun take it? Are things okay between you two or are they weird?”
“He seemed fine with it, he said he understood, and I don’t sense any awkwardness so far. I told him I liked our friendship too much to risk complicating things, then he said something about our friendship changing in 2 weeks, which I don’t really understand but I laughed it off anyway. I’m hoping that’ll be the end of that and that we’ll be able to move past it without it affecting our friendship.” B explains.
“Wait, what about 2 weeks? What did he say exactly?” Ryujin asks.
“Sounds like he’s got something planned for the next 2 weeks? Is that it?” Yuna asks, intrigued.
“No I don’t think it’s like that. I didn’t really understand, but he said—” B starts, but she gets cut off when the lights in the auditorium suddenly go out and music starts blaring as everyone’s eyes focus on the stage, the showcase starting.
The showcase was interesting and entertaining enough. Each club had an allotted time to present whatever they wanted to. The different sports teams held a short fashion show that showcased each team’s uniforms with each team captain making a short speech to announce tryouts, which earned cheers and cheers from the audience when Yeonjun, Soobin and Hueningkai were spotted strutting on stage wearing their basketball jerseys. The film club presented one of their latest projects. The photography club showed a slideshow of pictures taken earlier that day and the film club put together a video as a sort of highlight reel from the club recruitment day. B had lost count of how many clubs had showed their presentations when the announcer finally said:
“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, an exclusive performance from the Jazzed Club, starring MO Academy’s very own Student Council! Debuting the club’s latest composition entitled ‘Boy In Luv,’ please put your hands together for Jazzed!”
The screams were deafening as the 5 members of the student council appeared on stage, wearing their school uniforms stylized in different ways.
B had seen them rehearse the choreography at Soobin’s house, but nothing prepared her for their performance.
Kai opened the performance, which immediately got the audience screaming. Next, Beomgyu’s deep vocals dominated the auditorium, and Soobin’s rapping was heard for the very first time, and everyone seemed surprised by how good he was at it, judging by the escalating cheers from the audience when he started.
But nothing surprised B more than when it was Yeonjun’s turn to sing as he was front and center on stage, dancing and expertly making eye contact with the audience. It was no surprise that he was an amazing performer, but what got B’s jaw to drop was when his found somehow found hers in the audience as he rapped the words “But, I’m going to flip the situation, from friends to lovers” and winked right at her before Taehyun took his turn.
When that happened, B felt her heart pound as Ryujin and Yuna each grabbed her arms and started screaming incoherently. She tried her best to focus on the rest of the performance, but all she could think of was Yeonjun and what he just did.
As the performance ended and the 5 boys bowed onstage before waving at the audience once more, B could still feel her heart pounding as she cheered along with the audience.
Kai and Soobin found her face in the crowd and started jumping up and down, waving their arms in the air with excitement. She waved back, cheering as loud as she could, and she could feel her heartbeat start to slow back to normal.
Just then, Yeonjun’s eyes met hers once again, and he gave her a small wave and a bright smile before winking at her once again. And just like that, her heart started to pound again.
“Looks like Choi Yeonjun’s got his eye on you.” Ryujin says in B’s ear.
B puts a hand on her chest, feeling how fast it was beating, and wondering what exactly it meant.
17 notes · View notes
husbandograveyard · 5 years ago
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Hewwo Hazel uwu 🔫😀👾😭😜😳⏰😏🎆💓?
Hewwo Bas! The UwU is strong today  o(>ω<)o Thank you for your questions! 
🔫 - Fave canon arc? 
Thriller Bark. It made me laugh SO HARD. One piece is one of the few anime that genuinely makes me laugh out loud, usually im more of a “hmpft” blowing air out of my nose laught kinda gal, but one piece gave me a lot of joy and laughter, and mostly during thriller bark. Besides that, the fights and the general plot thickening and things coming together, and Zoro’s sacrifice all made this one of my top favorite archs! The pacing was very good as well, compared to, for example, Dressrosa. 
😀 - Most favorite Straw Hat?
aaaaaa don’t make me choose  This is very hard! The initial thought was Zoro because well it’s Zoro and most of his lines never fail to make me laugh. Robin is the one I admire most cause it’s the kind of lady idk if I wanna be her or be with her yknow? And Chopper also popped up because well.. he’s the absolute most adorable bean and I love him and his cuteness. 
I’m gonna conclude a tie between Zoro and Robin, and Chopper can be on their shoulders being adorable?   (´・ᴗ・ ` )
👾 - Fave villain?
Perona as far as she was an actual villain, her negative spooks are the best attack ever and no one can tell me otherwise. 
In terms of bigger antagonists, probably the Charlotte family? I’m counting them as one, just for now, since they are all super interesting and I like seeing them on screen more than ceasar or moria or doffy and 100000x more than friggin Blackbeard (Imagine me using the ‘dinkleberg voice’ whenever I say blackbeard).  Doffy is a good villain. But he makes me too mad so he only gets a flaminglemention and not the top spot ha. 
😭 - Saddest scene?
Just like one piece is the series that made me laugh he most, it’s also the one that made me cry the most. Almost embarrassingly much. I ugly sobbed for a few hours straight around Ace’s death. I was spoiled, I knew it was gonna happen, but I did not know how exactly, so ehm from impel down on, every scene they showed him I teared up at least. (oops).  BUT there was one other scene that made me cry a lot that I have to mention because I did not expect to cry for that moment. I knew about the time skip, I knew about the training, I knew they were gonna take some time off to get stronger. BUT I did not know how and when and the circumstances. The moment Kuma separated them, the agony and the helplessness. My heart. I could not take it. That was too sad. 
Honorable mentions for the Bellemere scene very early on and saying goodbye to merry. Just too many heartbreaking moments but I feel that’s what makes the series so nice, you need to get hurt sometimes in order to get more attached to characters. 
😜 - Funniest character?
Ehm. In terms of delivering hilarious one-liners and making me laugh while not actually being funny on purpose: Zoro. The dumb is too much and is hilarious. He says funny things while not being funny and there’s just too many peak comedy moments in him getting lost or ‘wanting to get made into a wax statue in this pose”. 
Luffy gets a mention in situational humor too because that dumbassery is hilarious as well. 
Other than that. Probably a tie between Usopp and Franky. It’s just so stupid, but the sheer simpleness of most of the humor makes it so easy to digest and look at! 
😳 - Any crushes?
Any? Many! ehm, to not make this answer a couple thousand words long, quickfire! Ace, he has the charisma, the feralness, the politeness and the freckles.  Shanks, he’s just the sweetest, sexiest mystery man who knows what his priorities are.  Sabo, all the feralness, less of the politeness, all of the cuteness. His smile can revive puppies.  Zoro: the Dumbassery, the muscles, the brutal honesty and that soff soff mossy hair.  Kid: again, the dumbassery, the rudeness while still caring for his bunch of misfits. I love me a good tulip.  Robin: The beauty, the grace, the humor, the fashion, the intellect. Again, dk if i want to be her or be with her.  Vivi: The courage, the love, the sweetness amongst the badassery, step on me princess.  Honorable mentions for Killer, A bunch of people showing up in Wano that I’ve only seen spoilers pop up for. And writing some character has had me reconsidering all the crushes all together. In conclusion: WHY IS EVERYONE IN ONE PIECE SO ATTRACTIVE??? safe for you Blackbeard honey, you could fall off a cliff and I’d applaud. 
⏰ - How long have you been into One Piece? 
Not that long at all. When I was 14? ish I started my anime journey. I watched 15-20? episodes of One Piece and hated it. Around that time one piece was somewhere in between 500-600 eps and I could not imagine ever catching up to that, especially since my strict parents limited my computer use to 3h a week. 
Then a friend really got into it I think about 5? years ago and kept talking about it and how it was actually good. I was starting to do an effort to watch all the ‘big’ and ‘must-see’ anime and promised myself I’d watch One Piece, eventually. 
Then this year at the end of October 2019 I actually started watching it. I had grown up a lot, and could now appreciate the anime way more for what it was? I fell in love and binged the entire thing in more or less six months with some small breaks in between for work, school, books, and other anime. Highly considering re-downloading so I can rewatch my favorite parts soon. My biggest problem is that once I love something, I go ALL IN and I will love everything about it and obsess. And thus this Tumblr was created as the hiatus started and I wanted something One Piece to keep me distracted. I eventually want to collect the manga but I now don’t have the space for it in my tiny room. 
😏 - Favorite scene? 
Sabo and Luffy reuniting! The reveal, the tears, the hug, and the ridiculousness of Luffy with the beard and all, just made it perfect. Absolutely loved it.
OH and Luffy punching the celestial dragon. The absolute energy in that scene made me grin like an idiot yet gave me goosebumps. Punch those slave-owning bitches luffy, thank you! 
🎆 - Something you can’t wait for??!! 
ALL of what is to come in Wano. I’ve been catching spoilers here and there and i just cannot wait! There’s gonna be so much reveals and new characters and comebacks and all the things I did not know I need in my life. 
And I would like some more reveals on Shanks and his crew since we literally know next to nothing about them, besides the fact that even the admirals seemed to be at least wary of their powers and I just really need to know. (or not, since mystery adds to the charm). 
I can’t wait for the abolishment of the government and the death/defeat of blackbeard (assuming that will happen at some point, a girl can dream). 
💓 - Which character do you relate to the most?
SO HARD. Hardest question. Ehm... Ace and Usopp I think? I struggle with family a lot, but I have a chosen family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I am hella insecure, but I try my best most of the time and I am extremely loyal, even though I have no particular talents, I try and help here and there and hopefully can make some people happy that way! 
If you read all the way through here, thank you for coming to my Ted talk! It was so long  („• ֊ •„) but it was also so much fun  (ノ´ヮ`)ノ*: ・゚
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language-rxgers · 5 years ago
Text
Four Words (Steve x Reader)
Summary: Steve is simple. Steve is a planner. So why can’t he just say four simple words to the best thing he never planned?
Characters: Steve Rogers, Female Reader, Bucky Barnes
Request from @witch-of-letters​ :
“Can I request a Steve Rogers one-shot, where he wants to propose to Stark!Daughter!Reader? They've been together since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., and after Sokovia, Steve realizes that he can't wait any longer (after the wedding, the R gets pregnant with twin girls). When the Civil War starts, R stays on Steve's side, much to Tony's fear (and chagrin).”
A/N: I’m thinking this will probably be a 3 parter. This chapter is the proposal!
masterlist
part 2
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Steve Rogers is a man with a plan. Every morning, he wakes up at 5:30 with the alarm and checks his emails. He then pours himself a cup of black coffee in the kitchen while reading the morning paper and going over his schedule for the day. At 6:00 he returns to the bedroom to wake you up after your half hour sleep-in, and lovingly drags you back to the kitchen where the two of you prepare breakfast and Steve relays to you the morning news. Of course, you could read the damn paper yourself, but it sounds so much more interesting coming out of his mouth. After breakfast, you both get dressed and ready for the day. Day in, day out, Steve knows every step of the domestic part of his life to a T. In a job where you go in without the slightest idea what might happen in the day, it’s nice to have even a morning’s worth of stability, if that. So yeah, Steve Rogers is a man with a plan, simple. Simple. So why is it so hard to add one teeny, tiny, simple step to his routine? For chrissake, it’s just a four-word, yes or no question. 
“Will you marry me?” 
The young man gazed up with hope glimmering in his eyes, sunlight sparkling off the golden band clutched between his fingertips. His partner’s mouth dropped open in shock and surprise before reality caught up to him, and his answer tumbled out of his lips. “Yes- yeah, yes, of course!” He stood from the park bench that the couple had been sitting on as his now fiancé rose from his knees to meet him in a tight hug. Steve felt a spread of warmth in his chest for the happy couple, but also tried to ignore his guilty jealousy of how easy it had seemed for that man to ask the question he himself had been trying to spit out for so long. 
He looked down to you at his side, admired your beautiful wide smile as you watched the newly engaged couple, and he wished with everything in him that the two of you would soon be in their place. 
Steve had met you when you moved in down the hall from him only a few months after he himself had rented a home in the building. At the time, he believed you to be a quiet nurse named Kate, but it wasn’t long before he discovered this to be extremely untrue. It was only two weeks later when you admitted to Steve that you were in fact Y/N Stark, a SHIELD agent sent by Nick Fury to keep an eye on him. Far from a nurse, you actually worked as a field officer, tech specialist and information broker for the law enforcement organization. You were also the daughter of Tony Stark- someone with whom Steve could certainly do without interacting again. Needless to say it was difficult for the soldier to hide his shock, hurt and betrayal, especially since he had already begun to develop feelings for you in the short time he’d known you- or whoever you led him to believe you were. Did this mean you weren’t actually the sweet, selfless girl who had become the reason he looked forward to returning home right after work every day? He knew it had only been a couple of weeks but he already found himself craving your late night hallway interactions and that sweet, warm smile that always seemed to be hiding in your eyes. 
You patiently allowed Steve to come to terms with your revelation, before disclosing that you genuinely did want to be his friend, and felt that lying when he would undoubtedly become suspicious and figure out your true identity eventually was just unnecessary. After the fall of SHIELD, you revealed to Steve that you had been the one to alert Fury of the organisation’s corruption from the beginning after some suspicious encounters with, and inconsistent reports filed by, the STRIKE team, led to a fruitful independent investigation. It was then that you’d been assigned to watch over Steve. 
In the years that followed, you became one of Steve’s closest friends, a beautiful constant in his eternally unstable life. The development of your relationship to something more than friendship was only natural… ish. One day you asked if he would join you for coffee- nothing out of the ordinary for the two of you to do, but this time there was a certain intimation of deeper feelings in your tone. Of course, this subtlety completely went over Steve’s head, and he proceeded to spend the next hour speaking of nothing but the results of your latest mission with you in the corner of the nearest crowded Starbucks. 
The next morning, you corrected your mistake of assuming the most clueless man on Earth when it came to women would pick up on your vibe change, by marching up to him in the kitchen and informing him that you would like for him to accompany you on a date to the movies that evening if he so wished. Taken aback at not only your bluntness but also the fact that you fancied him in return, what was he to do but nod his head and respond with a cheeky “Yes, ma’am.”?
Evidently, one date turned into two, three, four, and so it goes.
After Sokovia, you both became brutally aware of how easily life could change in a split second. Steve realized that he didn’t want to wait anymore to continue his life with you. You were all he wanted, all he could see when he imagined his future. He never thought he would want a family again after coming out of the ice, but with you, it was so easy to picture that. Steve didn’t want that to stay as just a dream when he slept next to you. Now, it was his turn to take the leap, yet he found himself hopelessly lacking the same self-assuredness that had never failed you. 
“Oh, Steve, check the time, we should be heading back.” You tugged at Steve’s sleeve as you stepped to continue your walk back to the car. 
“Huh?” Steve shook his memories back to their storage cabinets and glanced down to his watch. With a start at how much time had passed, he followed you promptly. 
For the rest of the day, Steve couldn’t for the life of him shake that nagging voice in his head, urging him to pop the question on the spot. It was maddening; every time he spoke to you he had to plan what he was going to say so he didn’t accidentally blurt out an impromptu proposal in the middle of the conversation. It was even more annoying because on top of planning his words, he also had to focus on keeping you out of his thoughts. He had always been able to keep his thoughts guarded when he didn’t want you reading him, but he loved that for the most part, you were the one person he wanted in his head. But ever since he started seriously thinking about proposing to you, he’d had to keep himself exceptionally blocked off, which he knew frustrated you.
The most frustrating thing of all, however, was that logically, he knew there was no reason to be so nervous. You had discussed your futures together before- marriage, kids, retirement. You both wanted to be married eventually when the time was right, but you also knew there would never be a right time. Your entire relationship had consisted of playing things by ear and “taking the next step” as it came naturally. Nothing felt more natural than marrying you, nothing felt more right. He knew you would say yes. But there was also that annoying, little punk in his subconscious egging on his insecurities. 
“She’s still free to leave any time without consequences until you tie the knot.” 
“Things are perfect the way they are right now, don’t screw it up by asking her to make the biggest commitment of her life.”
“You can barely work the tv remote, how are you going to navigate a marriage?”
“What if she’s about to break up with you right when you propose?”
Steve stared with wide eyes at the ring in his fingers, overwhelmed with all the reasons he shouldn’t propose. He was pulled from his anxiety by a rap at his door, and looked up to see Bucky leaning against the doorframe.
“Stare any harder and it’ll burst into flames.” Steve put the ring back into its box and let out a sigh.
“Part of me wishes it would. It’s too nice, isn’t it? She won’t like that it’s too flashy.” Bucky scoffed.
“It’s a plain metal band, bud. Don’t think you can get any simpler than that.”
“Well it’s got the infinity twist, might snag her sweaters or something. I don’t know. And there’s a couple diamonds.”
“I don’t think a diamond the size of a crumb is gonna snag any of her damn sweaters. Steve, she’s gonna love it. Quit procrastinating. Sam’s got 100 bucks saying you’re gonna take more than a month to pop the question and I don’t like how cocky he’s been since they upgraded his suit’s wingspan.” Steve exhaled a laugh and shook his head, rubbing his eyes. 
“I know I’m being ridiculous. It’s just a big step, you know? I don’t even have a plan.”
“No plan, just ask.” Bucky quipped. “You and your goddamn plans, I swear I’m gonna rip my hair out. Steve, Y/N’s the simplest person I know. She doesn’t want any of your plans, she doesn’t want you to make a show of it. But she does deserve a little bit of effort. Make her dinner at your place, something she likes, get down on one knee and fucking ask her to marry you. Soon, before she does it first.” Bucky raised his eyebrows to show he was serious. And he was. You would ask Steve to marry you. But you were always the one to make the first move, and it was Steve’s turn. “Tonight, pal. Tonight’s the night. No missions, no meetings. Take advantage of the time you have. Stop putting this off.” Bucky held Steve’s gaze with stern eyes until the lovestruck soldier nodded with gratitude. Satisfied, Bucky stepped back. “Alright, I’ve got some paperwork to not do, I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Star Spangled Man with a Plan.”
***
That night, you returned to your and Steve’s floor with curiosity blooming in your chest. All day you had had this… feeling. A phantom expectation, an unwarranted sense of anticipation tingling in your fingertips. You just couldn’t shake this feeling that something was going to happen, and you had no idea if it was good or bad. You’d attribute it to the telepathy, but you hadn’t heard anything suspicious all day. Actually, you did notice one thing. Steve had been unusually guarded lately- you could read people when their guard was down, but if they really didn’t want you to know something, you were as good as powerless. At first you weren’t too concerned; usually after a tough mission, like the ones you had been having pretty regularly of late, Steve would board up like a closed down mine shaft. It was impossible to read him until he let you in, which was the most frustrating thing you’d had to accept when you met him. He was like a brick wall sometimes, and all you wanted to do was break through to help him. But he always came around, in his own time. However, it seemed like lately he always had his guard up.
You arrived to an apartment filled with the homey aroma of spices and cooking meat. Steve was making Y/F/F? Oh, lord, what did he do this time?
You made your way to the kitchen, increasingly suspicious. “Steve? What’s up?” Your boyfriend spun around to face you, oven mitts on and your gingerbread man apron tied around his waist. 
“Hey, I thought I’d make supper tonight. You know, to celebrate the end of the week.” You raised your eyebrows. 
“Um, okay, but why? I’m not complaining, but you haven’t made Y/F/F since you spilled red wine all over my suede jacket.” Steve smiled nervously.
“Right, don’t worry, I didn’t ruin anything else, I don’t think.” You narrowed your eyes. “It’s just been a while since we sat down and had a nice meal together that wasn’t half-hour delivery. You go get changed into your sweats and I’ll finish up.” You shrugged and muttered out an okay before heading to your room.
When you returned, the table was set and Steve was pouring the two of you drinks. He pulled out your chair for you and set the meal on the table before taking a seat himself. As you ate, he asked about your day, as he usually did, and you asked about his. You shared funny work stories about the interns in your department and told Steve about how far you’d gotten in your training session with Wanda to continue controlling your similar powers. Throughout the meal, Steve listened with a gentle smile as you gestured animatedly, admiring the passion in your eyes. By the time your plates were empty the wine was half done, Steve began to feel his nerves building up. He tapped his thumb anxiously on the tabletop as he tried to listen to your story about your father’s latest experiment with a stretchy material for Bruce to wear that wouldn’t rip when he turned into the Hulk. Steve couldn’t believe you were in his life. He couldn’t believe you were here, right now, living with him, in love with him, choosing him. 
“For now, you mean.”
“She’s going to get sick of you eventually, or find someone better.”
“She’ll get tired of you choosing missions over her.”
“You won’t have time to raise kids, you’ll be too busy fighting another battle you sought out.”
“You can’t live without war, what kind of father are you going to be to children, let alone a husband to a wife?”
“You can’t do this, coward.”
“You can’t-”
“Marry me,” Steve breathed out. You halted yourself in the middle of your sentence, leaning forward.
“Sorry, what was that?” Eyes wide and beautiful with curiosity. Steve blinked, unsure if he had even said anything at all. Did he just say that? Out loud? To you? The words fell out so easily despite how much that stupid voice tried to stop him.
But Steve was never one to back down.
“Marry me, Y/N,” he repeated. “Will you?” Your mouth opened slightly to form an O, the breath seemingly knocked from your lungs. You stared blankly at him as you realized what he had asked, and that he expected an answer.
Was this what had been consuming his thoughts lately, what he had fought so hard to keep a secret from you? You felt an exhilarating tingle run from the center of your chest to your fingertips, so strong you clenched your hands into fists to contain your elation. You and Steve had talked about marriage before and you both knew you wanted to be married someday, but you never knew whether Steve would be the one to take that step towards making it a reality. All you understood was that Steve was all you knew in this moment, all you saw, all you felt, all you wanted. It was laughably easy to answer his question.
“Yes.”
part 2
____________________________________________________________
Tag List:
All Works: @the-instrumental-mortal-blog @crazy4thewinbros @palaiasaurus64 @winterboobaerchen @thefridgeismybestie @becauseifuckingcan @libbyjune24 @erisan​ @pitubea1910​ @friendlyneighborhoodnazgul​ @sixweekcure4dreams​ @im-an-angel-of-the-lord-you-ass​ @moderapoppins​ @fandomsstolemylife00​ @bookgirlunicorn​ @hottrashformarvel​ @stargeek727​ @fuckthatfeeling​
Steve Rogers: @promarvelfangirl​
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hymn2000 · 5 years ago
Text
Ideal Confusion - MCU AU Fanfic - C14
(Title subject to change)
Story summary: Giving into the constant pressure from the press, Tony decides to put a rest to the rumours that Peter is his biological son - once and for all.
Previous Chapter(s): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
Part of my Frostiron and Spiderson series.
Warnings/themes: family, family stuff, adoption, DNA test(s), pressure, peer pressure, social issues, mentions of alcoholism, mental health problems, potentially some minor medical inaccuracies, mentions of corporal punishment, hurt/comfort,mentions of suicide
You can also find me on AO3
Chapter 14 - Bitter Fingers
-
He knew exactly what he was doing, thumping out heavy, almost furious, soulful notes, singing the words perfectly, with feeling, with vigour, with a real sense of urgency. 
“You’re good” Tony said, once he’d finished the song.
Peter slowly turned to him. He’d had a feeling he was being watched; he just hadn’t realised who by. They’d ended up in another argument after Li had left the previous day, and hadn’t spoken since. He turned back to the piano.
“I know”
“Why don’t you play something else? Something classical?”
“I don’t want to”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t” Peter said, putting his hands back on the keys.
“Well, play something more upbeat”
Peter paused, thinking, and then started playing. At first Tony seemed almost approving, but as the first verse flew by, his expression changed.
“-Think I'm gonna kill myself, cause a little suicide, stick around for a couple of da-”
“PETER!”
“What?! You told me to play something more upbeat!”
“I didn’t mean this! This song is so insensitive”
“Sir Elton tried to kill himself thrice:- I think he’s within his rights to sing about it” 
“That doesn’t mean you are!”
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” Peter scowled. “Why are you up here?”
“I wanted to see you play”
“Why?”
“Why? Because you’re my son, maybe?”
“Oh, so I’m your son now, am I?”
Tony sighed. “Don’t start”
“I’m not starting anything” Peter shrugged, looking back at his piano, studying the front as though he had a songbook open. 
“I thought you liked performing. You’ve been singing to your father, haven’t you?”
“He actually wants to listen, and he’s not in denial”
“What makes you think I’m in denial?”
Peter gave him a look, looking so similar to Loki that for a moment, Tony wasn’t sure how to react. Eventually, he just sighed and sat down next to Peter, taking his MP3.
“I’ll choose something for you. You can play by ear, right?”
“I’m playing Sir Elton” Peter said. “Don’t mess with my playlist”
“Alright, calm down. How about Crocodile Rock? That’s an upbeat one”
“Maybe I don’t want to play anything upbeat. Stop messing with my stuff”
Peter tried to snatch the player back, but Tony held it out of his reach. 
“Fine. Do you think you can play I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues?”
“Maybe I don’t want to take your suggestions” Peter snatched the player back, scrolling through. “If it’ll make you go away, I’ll play a less sad one, but this is as good as you’re gonna get”
He put his player down, shifted position so he wouldn’t clash elbows with Tony, and once again set to the ivories. In some ways, it was easy to block Tony out, even with him so close. But in other ways, he liked knowing he was there. More than that, he liked knowing that he was good:- he could play, and he could sing, and he’d achieved every bit of it without any help, knowledge, input, or support from the man sat beside him, who just so happened to be part of the reason why he was ever born. He could feel himself being watched, but he made sure never to look at him, and he just kept performing, feeling melancholy, but triumphant - almost like he wanted to stick out his tongue at his father and shout; “nah nah ne nah nah, look what I can do without you!”. But instead he just kept singing.
“...If someone else is suffering enough, oh to write it down. When every single word makes sense, then it's easier to have those songs around. The kick inside is in the line that finally gets to you, and it feels so good to hurt so bad, and suffer just enough to sing the blues. So turn 'em on, turn 'em on, turn on those sad songs. When all hope is gone, why don't you tune in and turn them on..?”
-
Peter took his headphones off. For a moment there was silence, and then Tony turned and wrapped his arms around the boy, pulling him close. Peter stayed still, hardly even daring to breathe. He wasn’t sure he trusted Tony’s intentions, whatever they might be, and after some of the things that had been said over the past couple of days, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be near him at all. After what felt like an eternity, he spoke, surprising himself.
“Just because I love you the most, that doesn’t mean you’re the best parent”
-
Loki looked over Tony’s shoulder. 
“What are you looking at?”
“Just an email from the school. They’re doing a huge show at the end of term”
“I thought we’d essentially decided to withdraw him from the school?”
“Yeah... But maybe we should send him back now. Let him finish the term”
Loki was quiet for a moment. “Why the change of heart? You don’t want him to end up leaving out of someone else’s choice, do you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well. Let’s be honest; if he were at a mainstream school, and-or you weren’t his father, he’d probably have been expelled by now”
Tony took his hand away from his mouth. “...Am I a bad parent?”
“Sometimes”
Tony couldn’t help but laugh slightly. “Thanks for the brutal honesty”
“Do you really think I’m going to lie to you? Especially after the way you’ve been since we got those DNA results?”
Tony didn’t respond. Loki sighed, looking at the email on Tony’s screen. 
“Is there really much point sending him back for two weeks?”
Tony shrugged. “Get him out from under our feet?”
“Charming. And here I was thinking you’d turned a corner”
“I was joking!” Tony exclaimed, showing a glimmer of personality for the first time all day. “It might be good for him to get out of the house, and tie up loose ends. I don’t think he’s talked to any of the Bunnies since the last time he was there”
“Well, if you took the time to stop sulking and actually speak to him, you’d know that he’s still been talking to Flo, and he’s even made amends with Millie”
“And Macy?”
Loki grimaced. “Still a touchy subject, I think”
Tony sighed heavily. “They were such a cute little group. It was good that he had proper friends. He’d never really had them before”
“Well, maybe not, but I can’t say I think it’s that important. From what I’ve learnt, humans don’t often keep their school friends throughout the rest of their lives anyway”
“That’s not-” Tony stopped, and sighed. “Go and get him, would you?”
“I think he’s busy”
“Loki” 
“Alright, alright. I’ll go and get him”
-
Loki waited until Peter’s song had finished, and then gently laid a hand on his shoulder. Peter jumped slightly, pulling his headphones off.
“Oh, it’s just you”
“Your presence is requested in the kitchen”
Peter whined. “Do I have to?”
“Yes”
“Why? What does he want?”
“He wants to ask you something”
“What?”
“I shouldn’t say”
“Aww, please!”
Loki took one look at Peter’s puppy-dog eyes and gave in. “Fine, but don’t let on I’ve told you. He wants to ask how you feel about finishing the term at school”
“Oh” Peter said. “Well, sure. It’s only a couple of weeks, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Do you think you can stay out of trouble for that long?” 
Peter shrugged. “Maybe~. You’ll relay my message, won’t you?” He turned back to the piano.
“Hey, you’re not getting out of it that easily!”
“Aww, but daddy! I’ve nearly nailed that hard piano riff in Burn Down The Mission! It’ll throw off my groove if I stop now!”
“You’ll just have to practice later” Loki said, taking hold of him and lifting him into his arms. “Come along, Elton. Better not leave him waiting too much longer”
-
Peter couldn’t work out why Tony didn’t seem satisfied with his answer. He stayed where he was on Loki’s hip, feeling somehow tiny and mighty at the same time. 
“You’ll go back tomorrow then”
“Why tomorrow?”
“Why not? It’s Monday. Better day than any” Tony said. “You’d better find your uniform so we can get it ready”
“By ‘we’, I take it you mean me?” Loki said.
“Um-”
Loki laughed. “Don’t look so scared! I’ll sort it”
Peter looked at both of his parents, but settled on Tony. 
“This is going to be my last term, isn’t it?”
Tony didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. 
“Did you need anything else?”
“No...”
“Can I go back to my piano now?”
“Maybe take a little break” Loki said. “Your hands must be aching after all that playing”
“I’m fine!”
“Hold your hands out”
Peter did as he was told, reluctantly, and with a bit of difficulty due to his position. Thank god for strong thighs, he thought to himself. Loki took one look at the boys shaking hands and shook his head.
“Let them rest, sweetheart”
“It’s just a trapped muscle” Peter tried.
“You really shouldn’t try to lie to someone as good at it as I am” Loki said.
“Well, I don’t want to lounge about doing nothing” Peter pouted. 
“No amount of baby-face is going to make me change my mind”
Tony watched them together. Bar a few unsavoury incidents after May’s death, Loki always managed to hold it together and be a good father to Peter. As much as he hated to admit it, Tony knew that it was him who was always rubbish is times of crisis. Loki was right; he was a bad father sometimes. Especially since finding out he was a biological father. 
“Why don’t we go for a swim?” he suggested.
Loki and Peter stopped and looked at him, Peter glaring, and Loki very nearly doing the same. 
“...Theoretically... Could a god impregnate a human woman at the same time as a human man, and have shared parentage with the human, so like, the kid had three bio parents?”
Loki looked at him, searching his face. He glanced at Peter, and then back at his husband. He knew what he was getting at.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Anthony”
-
They didn’t go for a swim. Tony started sulking again and went down to the lab, not doing proper work; just attempting to make comprehensive shapes out of solder, while Loki tried in vain to teach Peter some magic upstairs. 
“It doesn’t seem to be taking” he said eventually. 
“Maybe humans can’t do it” Peter said. “I can kinda feel it when you put your hands over mine, but I can’t make any of that feeling come to me naturally, yknow?”
“Well, perhaps you aren’t made to do magic. Maybe you need a spark to begin with.. Ah well. Your talents lie elsewhere”
“I guess so” 
Peter closed his eyes, trying to focus on pushing energy to his fingertips like Loki had said. No matter how hard he tried, it still just seemed so much more like a concept and a metaphor than an actual physical thing he could do. He gave up and opened his eyes.
“It doesn’t work. Can’t you like, transfer your magic to me or something?”
Loki laughed slightly. “It doesn’t really work like that, chick. Now, you should probably go and get all your school stuff together; save having to do it last thing”
“Aw, it’s gonna be tough having to get up in the morning. I’ve completely fucked up my sleep schedule”
“I guessed as much. And don’t swear: you know your dad’ll go spare if he hears you”
“That’s his problem”
“It won’t be when you’re over his knee now, will it? Now go and find your uniform. We’ll sort everything physical and then work on a game plan”
“Alright. But can I ask you something first?”
Loki raised an eyebrow, an always ambiguous notion in situations such as this.
“Why have you been looking at houses to buy in Scotland?”
“Peter, I told you to go and get your uniform”
Peter sighed, shrugged, and went to do as he was told. 
-
He was distracted from his Loki-based thoughts when he found the uniform. It felt weird thinking this would be the last term he’d wear it. He’d hated it so much at the start, and he wasn’t exactly a huge fan now, but oddly, he felt almost attached to it. Aside from the hat. He’d never worn that. In fact, the only thing he’d really done with it, aside from hate it, was use it as a frisbee. It made a surprisingly good one in a pinch. He’d worn Flo’s school hat a few times when she’d put it on him, but the girls had straw hats with ribbon, which were quite universal, and even looked cute on some people. A far cry from the horrible little peaked caps the boys had, which suited only the smallest of the first years and exactly five people in Peter’s years group, one of which was Macy. St Hendricks certainly had its downsides, but at least, despite everyone owning them, the hats weren’t strictly enforced. It had saved a lot of embarrassment. 
Peter looked at his uniform, specifically the jacket and tie. Come to think of it, they’d both taken quite a beating. He was actually on his third tie: he’d train-tracked his first one so badly that the bottom six inches were unrecognisable as a school tie, and he’d been told he had to either buy another one or go on uniform report, and he’d set the second one on fire with a bunsen burner to set the fire alarm off after a teacher had told him that being a famous persons son didn’t give him any right not to pay attention in class. He was still quite proud of that one. Malaki had taken the blame for him though, so he’d never seen any real repercussions for it. 
As for his blazer... well, it was only Loki’s surprisingly perfect sewing and washing skills that had made it last as long as it had. It had been stained with everything you could think of, from blood to poster paint, and somehow still come up clean. It had also suffered it’s fair share of ripped seams and torn lining, and of course the time the back seam had completely given up following a particularly rough drama lesson - another incident which had nearly landed him on uniform report as well as in detention. 
It was quite funny, in a way, how he was perceived at that school. At Midtown, he’d been a bit of a loner, a bit of an outcast, but generally a model pupil. At St Hendricks, he was generally considered a hell-raiser - and it was the teachers who had said that first, not him. When he really thought about it, he could almost understand where they were coming from. Malaki aside, they were used to everyone falling into line and behaving like young ladies and gentlemen. So Peter rocking up and throwing tantrums (and fists), catapulting rubbers at the back of Nigel’s head, pushing Malaki into the swimming pool in the middle of lessons, and pulling drainpipes off the wall while retrieving footballs from the roof was probably a bit of a culture shock for them. 
Not that everyone seemed to mind. A lot of people seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for him, for whatever reason. He’d even quickly won over the new PE teacher, despite famously being bent over the equipment trolley and paddled with a cricket bat during the teachers first week at the school. Even then, he hadn’t really hit him hard (and nowhere near as hard as he’d hit Nigel, who was by his side being disciplined a little bit too often). N-Pet, as he’d quickly become known, was, along with Mr Musgrove, one of Peter’s biggest defenders. Peter had become very good at using his small and quiet side to his advantage, even to such an extent as causing havoc and running to hide behind a teacher he knew would have his back. Maybe he was a little bastard, Peter thought. But maybe that made sense, considering the school he went to. 
Peter took Loki his uniform, but he didn’t stop. He went to sort out his school bag, thinking deeply as he did so. He’d been so sure he’d hate the school, but he didn’t really, not so much. He’d made friends fast enough, and he’d had good times. And weird times. Especially where Nigel was concerned...
Nigel was certainly weird. Him and Peter had essentially been sworn enemies since day one, but, for some reason, Nigel always defended Peter, even covering his back to stop him getting into trouble. And then there was all of their store cupboard encounters. And the time Nigel had asked him to the dance. And that time at Nigel’s when-... Well, Peter didn’t like to think about that. It had ended in an argument anyway, which was very on form. Peter still didn’t know what to make of Nigel, but he was sure Nigel didn’t know what to make of him either. Maybe it was one of those questions that didn’t really need an answer. He didn’t suppose he’d ever see him again after the end of term anyway.
He hoped he’d still see Flo. And Millie. He wasn’t sure about Macy yet, or Malaki. He supposed the next couple of weeks would be a final hurdle where the latter two were concerned.
-
Loki went to find Peter a little later on.
“I was getting worried” he said. “You just disappeared”
“Sorry...”
“...What are you listening to?”
“...It’s called Black Tables”
Loki sat down beside him on the bed. He knew that look, and he suddenly knew why Peter had been alone in here for the past few hours. Peter kept his eyes on his hands. He’d gone too deep into his thoughts, and he knew making eye contact would be fatal.
“You should try playing this some time” Loki said. “It’s got plenty of piano in it”
Peter nodded slightly. Loki was quiet for a moment, and then he rested a hand on Peter’s.
“Sweetheart”
Peter looked up at him, and burst into tears. 
“Oh, sweetheart...” 
Loki carefully put his arms round the boy. At first, Peter didn’t move, but he gave in soon enough and he held onto his father as he cried. Loki slowly tightened his loose grip, and Peter cried harder. He rested his cheek against the top of the boys head, and rocked him gently.
-
The bedroom door burst open, making them both jump.
“Tony! You nearly blew the bloody door off!” Loki scowled. 
“Don’t exaggerate” he looked at Peter, snug in Loki’s arms. “Have you got all your stuff ready for school?”
Peter seemed to shrink away from him. He stayed quiet.
“I asked you a question, Peter!” Tony snapped.
“Don’t shout at him!” Loki shook his head disapprovingly and hugged Peter tighter. “It’s all ready; don’t you worry about that”
“Good. What do you want for tea?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it” Loki said. “I’ve got my hands full”
Tony sighed. “What’s up with him now?”
“I don’t know yet”
He held Peter protectively, trying to shield him - but Peter had other ideas. 
“You’re what’s wrong!” he suddenly shouted. “You’d know that if you cared”
“Sorry, I’m what’s wrong?” Tony said, shocked. “Don’t be ridiculous!”
“I’m not being ridiculous!” Peter shot back. “You could at least admit to how you’ve been acting!”
He tried to pull away, but Loki held onto him, adjusting his hold slightly.
“Peter, stop it” he said. “This isn’t the time for an argument”
“Well, why not?! When is the time?”
“Peter, I said stop”
Peter went quiet, but growled defensively when Tony sat down next to Loki. 
“I think we need to talk, don’t you?” he said. He glanced at Loki. “Just the two of us?”
Peter clung to Loki. He had a bad feeling about this. 
“Well... I could always go and get started on tea” Loki said, letting go of Peter.
“No! Don’t go!” 
Loki couldn’t ignore the urgency in his voice. “What is it?”
“Please don’t leave me alone with him!” Peter begged, keeping tight hold of Loki’s shirt. “He’s gonna do something to me!”
“Oh for gods sake!” Tony fumed. “You’re being ridiculous! You’re just getting all muddled in that silly little mind of yours”
“Tony! Don’t speak to him like that!” 
“Like what?! I thought you were going to sort some food out?”
“I’m not leaving, not when he’s scared”
“He’s not scared; he’s just attention seeking!” Tony insisted. He narrowed his eyes at Peter. “You need to start behaving yourself”
In Peter’s ears, that sounded like a threat. 
“See?! He’s gonna hurt me if you leave!”
“I’m not gonna hurt you! And if I was gonna smack you - which I should, considering your attitude as of late - I’d have no qualms about doing it in front of your father”
Peter started crying all over again.
“Oh, that’s it; turn on the water-works”
“Tony, that’s enough!” Loki snapped, pulling Peter close. “You’re upsetting him, and I’m not sure I like the look in your eyes either”
There was a short silence, and Tony stood up.
“I’m gonna get started on tea”
“You do that”
-
Peter was more than just a little reluctant about going through to the kitchen for tea, but Loki managed to coax him. There was still a heavy atmosphere between the three of them, and Peter’s spidey senses were still giving him grief. As a result, he couldn’t settle. Everything tasted weird, and his throat was tight, so eating wasn’t easy. 
About halfway through the meal, Loki excused himself and stood up. 
“W-wait, where are you going?!” Peter squeaked, struggling up and scurrying after him.
“Hey, hey, don’t look so scared!” Loki said, stopping him. “I’m just going to empty my bladder: I’m going to do myself an injury if I hold it any longer. Finish your tea”
He carefully detached Peter’s hands from his shirt. Peter watched the door close behind him. Suddenly the kitchen felt a little too bright, and he became hyper-aware of the fact that Tony had been watching him. He swallowed, his mouth feeling and tasting weird, as though he’d just had a nosebleed. 
He snapped round quickly when Tony stood up, and took a few steps back. 
“I’m just about sick to death of you, young man” Tony growled. “Now, come here!”
Peter shook his head, his pulse beating in his ears, and took another step back.
“Right”
Tony grabbed hold of him. Ordinarily he wouldn’t have been a match for the boy - but all of Peter’s fight seemed to have disappeared, and all he could do was gasp and flinch as Tony tugged him closer. 
“I’m sick of all your attention seeking and drama performances. You need to learn how to behave yourself”
Peter tried to say something - anything - but that familiar horrible feeling was welling in his throat, choking his words as though he were talking to a complete stranger. The seconds seemed to be dragging, and he felt hot and sick and helpless, unable to speak, shaking, but hardly able to move. He tried hard to pull free from Tony’s iron grip - and was suddenly smacked, hard. It made him jump and flinch at the same time, and before he’d really comprehended what had happened, he was over Tony’s lap, and he was smacked again. And again. And again.
It hadn’t always hurt this much, Peter was sure of it. And it definitely didn’t use to make him feel sick like this, or set his senses off like this. And he’d never been so overcome with fear as to cause his selective mutism to act against his parents. He completely froze, stuck, unable to even gasp audibly. 
But then he heard footsteps. And the door. And then he was suddenly back on his feet - but only just. 
“What the hell is going on here?! It’s no wonder he was so scared earlier if this is the way you’ve decided to treat him!” Loki shouted, putting an arm out to support the trembling Peter. “Those DNA results should have strengthened your bond, if anything:- not made you turn against him!”
“This is nothing to do with that!” Tony insisted. “He doesn’t know how to behave! Cutting discipline out of our parenting-”
“We didn’t cut out discipline! We-” he stopped, looking at Peter. “Are you ok?”
Peter shook his head. He suddenly found his feet, and was out of there in a flash. There was a pause, and then Loki picked up where he left off.
“Just because we stopped smacking him, that doesn’t mean we stopped disciplining him, and you know that as well as I do. And that” he said, gesturing. “Was definitely not what we used to do! I saw, and that was a proper wallop; that wasn’t the kind of thing we ever agreed on. Don’t get me wrong, Anthony: I knew you were going to hit him again sometime soon. But I expected a little spanking, not a good attempt at knocking the living daylights out of the poor thing! What the hell were you thinking?!”
“I don’t know! I was angry! He’s been doing my head in!”
“You’re not allowed to pull that card! It’s no excuse for what you’ve just done! You’re angry at yourself; not him!”
“How’d you work that one out?”
“Because I know you, Anthony Edward Stark! And so I should, considering how long we’ve been together. Peter has not done a single malicious thing since we got those DNA results, unlike you, Mister Stark. Ok, maybe he’s done a few bitchy little things, but only in retaliation to the things you’ve done first. And besides, you’re meant to be the grown-up here: why don’t you try to act like it?”
“...I haven’t been that  bad”
“Is that so? Why don’t we reflect? How about the day we found out? Not forgetting of course your insensitive crack at my infertility, but how about causing an argument over him moving a tub of coffee, which ended in you slapping him across the face? Or how about ignoring all his calls and texts? Sure, you seemed better after that night away, but then you got back to causing arguments and having a go at him for no reason. And-”
“Ok, ok, I get it!” Tony interrupted. “I’m just stressed”
“Oh, and I’m not? Good god. I’m glad he’s going back to school: it’s probably in his best interests to be away from you right now”
There was a short silence. 
“I’m not a bad parent, Loki”
Loki looked at him. He looked at the uncertainty on his face, and the tears in his eyes. He kept looking hard at him, and as soon as Tony started crying, he looked away. 
“I’m going to go and check on my son” he said, and left Tony to his own devices.
-
Loki fully expected Peter to be cuddled up with his elephant, so he was surprised not to see him there. The en suite was empty, as was the bed - both on and under. He stood for a moment, thinking, and then went to his own room, only to find that empty too. He checked the reading nook, and the garden balcony, and then stopped. He knew where to go.
-
Loki opened the door to the store cupboard by the swimming pool. There, beside the mop buckets under the shelf, was exactly what he was looking for. 
“Now, this takes me back” he said gently.
Peter didn’t protest when Loki sat down beside him. He was hugging the May bear, resting his cheek on it’s head. It was made out of a shirt that had been in the box May’s work had given Peter. It usually lived on a shelf, displayed proudly, out of harms way, and Loki had long since learnt how bad a sign it was to find it in Peter’s arms. 
“...Do you ever wonder how his dad was with him?” Peter mumbled, breaking a long silence.
Loki paused. “I don’t think all those scars are from adulthood, if that’s what you mean”
“You dad was abusive, right?”
“Odin? Well. Not physically. Mentally, and emotionally, I think... But when your brain is wired as strangely as mine, it’s hard to work out what was wrong and what wasn’t. He was never really a father, not in the right way. I was there for the wrong reasons. He only saved me to use me as a bargaining chip. He never liked me. I don’t care anymore”
“What about your mum?”
“Ah. Well, she was definitely my mother. I suppose a part of me thought she always would be”
“So what happened?”
Loki smiled sadly. “I fell in love. I haven’t seen her since before I moved in with Tony”
“That’s a long time. It’s gotta hurt, right?” he paused. “She wrote to you”
Loki nodded. “She sent a wedding present. From Odin as well, supposedly”
“Did you ever reply?”
“No” Loki sighed. “There comes a time when it just feels pointless. It would be like looking up someone you met once in a pub and trying to have a meaningful conversation”
“Would you see her again? If you had the chance?”
“The way I see it” Loki said. “If she had wanted to stay in my life, she would have made an effort. There’s a lot stopping me from returning to Asgard. Nothing is stopping her from coming to Midgard”
“Does it still bother you?”
“Sometimes”
Peter raised his head, not looking at Loki, but more open now. 
“Why do some people have such hard lives?”
“It’s simply the luck of the draw”
“We’ve got dreadful luck”
Loki laughed slightly. “Maybe. But we’ve had some good luck too”
“Maybe...”
“Well, I got to adopt you, didn’t I? Despite the circumstances leading to it, that’s some luck, isn’t it?”
A small smile tugged at Peter’s lips. “Maybe”
Loki looked round the store room. There was time when they spent a considerable amount of time in here together. For whatever reason, after May died, it had become Peter’s hiding place. It had stayed that way for a long time, but now it was a little unusual to find him there, and definitely not a good thing. 
“Are you ready to come back upstairs?”
Peter nodded slightly.
“Ok...” Loki picked the boy up carefully, feeling almost as though he’d gone back in time. 
-
Loki sat cross-legged on Tony’s bed, watching him carefully. He was sat looking through a photo album, wet tears still on his face. 
“I’ve never been great at the hard stuff, have I? I mean... Even that year he came to stay with us, and you were so ill... I didn’t treat you great then, did I? I was kinda dreadful to you at times. And I cracked after May died. I guess we all did, but still... All that year... Even that first Christmas, I was all cross. Overreacting to the curfew thing a bit, I guess. And then when he had that building site accident, and the way he played up at that party, I got all cross about that too”
“We both got cross about the party. He did show us up a bit”
“Mmm... I was rubbish with the Kindsprengen stuff. Well, not the take-down, but the kid bit, especially that first week... And I guess I’m kinda responsible for your downfall after the IVF thing”
“You didn’t force the bottle into my hand”
“No, but I enabled it. I was too busy drowning my own sorrows to even listen to you, so you just did what I was doing. We basically isolated ourselves together. I was bad with the kid then, too. Said I’d keep visiting even though you were ill and couldn’t. And didn’t... Gave him up... Argued a fair bit last Christmas too...”
“What are you thinking?”
Tony lowered the album and looked at Loki. 
“I’ve been really bad lately. I don’t think my meds are working anymore. I don’t think they’ve worked for a while now”
Loki didn’t seem to react, but his eyes moved, and they said everything. 
“Tomorrow” Tony said. “You know people will rush me through”
He looked back at the album for a moment, and then closed it carefully. Loki watched him get up and put it back on the special shelf with the wedding album. 
“Do you think we should do couples counselling? Or, like, family counselling?”
“I think we’d be better off actually talking to each other before dragging someone else into it”
Tony sat back down beside him. “You want to say something else. I can tell”
Loki took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s just as well I’m infertile”
Completely without warning, both men broke down in tears. As if by magnetism, they found themselves in each others arms, and as horrible as they both felt, it was still good to hold each other.
-
Peter looked relieved but reproachful when his door opened.
“I thought you weren’t coming”
“I had a few things to sort out. I thought you might have fallen asleep by now”
“I tried, but... I don’t know. Everything hurts and it’s kinda keeping my mind awake”
Loki picked Peter up and sat down with him in his lap. Neither of them said anything for some minutes. 
“...Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?”
Peter nodded. 
“Ok... Grab a cuddly toy”
-
Peter had always liked Loki’s room, and times like this made him regret not taking advantage of being allowed in there so much anymore. It always felt a little ethereal; strange and different, as though it wasn’t really part of the house. It was like a little window into Loki’s mind that showed you what he loved the most, and what made him feel the calmest and safest. It was his comfortable space. Peter couldn’t help but notice how Loki seemed to relax as soon as he closed the door behind them. As though he’d arrived home.
He was quiet. Silent, even. Peter didn’t say anything either. He let Loki set him down on the bed and tuck his toy Peter Rabbit in beside him. He lay there, looking around him while Loki was in the bathroom. Peter liked most everything in this room, from the silken sheets to the family photos, to the old Snoopy on the chair by the wardrobe, to the deep rug by the bed. The only thing he didn’t like was the Betty Boop lamp. None of the little statues bothered him, but the lamp was a big one that was essentially a light up ornament, and it always seemed to watch him. He sat up to look at it - but it wasn’t in it’s usual spot. Looking around, he couldn’t see it on any of the dressers or shelves. He carefully slipped off the bed, curious now - and then froze like a deer in headlights as the en suite door opened.
Loki raised an eyebrow. “Going somewhere, chicken?”
“Your lamp’s gone!”
“Oh? Which one?”
“The Betty Boop on the lamp post one”
“Ah” Loki sighed. “Yes”
“What happened?”
“Well. Your father was showing me his new developments for the Iron Man gauntlets” he said, picking Peter up and putting him back on the bed. “Only it wasn’t perfected, and it malfunctioned a little and fired and... Well. Bye-bye Betty. Beyond repair. Completely shattered”
“That’s awful! Did you cry?”
“Maybe a little” Loki admitted. “So did Tony; he felt awful. He couldn’t find another one online, but I said it didn’t matter either way. Could have been worse, I suppose”
“You really loved that lamp. It took you years to convince him”
“Enough about the lamp, sweetheart. It’s getting on a bit, and you could really do with a good nights sleep” Loki pushed Peter onto his back. “Stay”
Loki turned the night light on and the big light off, and then finally climbed into bed. 
“Have you stolen my pig?”
Peter handed it over. “Do I really have to go to school tomorrow?”
“It’s best that you do, darling. No, don’t start fussing. It’s only a few weeks, and then you never have to go again”
“I guess so”
Loki put an arm round Peter, hugging him close. “Goodnight, sweetie”
“Daddy?”
“Mm?”
“You’re the better parent”
Loki closed his eyes. “Go to sleep, chick”
*
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