#Zeus just sets a very low bar for parenting

[cjbolan]

Biggest takeaway from the EPIC “Wisdom” and “Vengeance” Sagas: Poseidon is a much better dad than Zeus. Poseidon will kill anyone who hurt his kids, Zeus hurts his kids with lightning bolts as punishment.

[seattlesea]

bad representation in the riordanverse

Racism:

-Gave Hazel and Piper gold and ‘kaleidoscope’/brown-blue-green changing eyes and pretty much went ‘Let’s add some characters of color but they cANT HAVE BROWN EYES THAT’S NOT PRETTY ENOUGH’ as if whitewashing isn’t more than just the skin.

-East Asian characters: Riordan pretty much went 'Here are my East Asian characters- one of them looks like a fat baby on steroids and is super undeveloped, his mother is strict and cold, and all the others are just described as 'Asian' because different countries in Asia don't exist and there's obviously no difference between Japanese, Chinese, and Korean'. His portrayal of East Asian characters went like this: Frank: Chinese, chubby, hates himself, underdeveloped, described to look like a 'Chinese Canadian baby man' and a 'panda' as if that's not stereotyping, and only learned to love himself when he looked hotter.  Drew: Asian, villainized, rude, shallow, vain, and selfish. Ethan: Asian, rude, evil, a traitor, and deceased. Grandma Zhang- rude, strict, cold, traditional, and deceased.

-Hazel: Has gold eyes. Has 'cinnamon brown' hair even though dark brown or black hair would be way more inclusive and realistic. Had a mother portrayed as a rude and selfish witch who sacrificed, used, and trafficked her own child. Was the only character called or described as a witch while African-Americans were usually accused of witchcraft just for their skin color. Was the only character who was cursed. Had a mother who literally practiced voodoo. The only African-American character in the series before ToA who isn't dead (but she also died). Was paired with a sixteen year old guy even though African women are constantly forced with older men and that's blatantly racist stereotyping. 

-Piper: Had 'chocolate brown' and then 'mahogany' hair? Has kaleidoscope eyes. Put a feather in her hair (which is stereotyping)- and it was an eagle feather, which is also wrong because eagles are extremely sacred to First Nation tribes and only spiritual leaders or warriors can wear it or it has to be gifted by an Elder of the tribe, and Riordan basically went 'Feathers are very important and it's racist to make a character wear one at inappropriate times but I'm going to make my character wear one as a cute accessory to make her look cool, pretty, and headstrong and to add to her 'Aesthetic'’ even though Cherokees didn’t wear feathers (which proves he did the bare minimum of research). Constantly oversexualized (56% of First Nation women are sexually harassed and Riordan had the audacity to put Piper in an 'embarrassingly low v-neck' and to have her constantly drooled over by a WHITE MALE and have her sexualized by her 1000+ mother without her knowledge or consent).  It's said that her father was from a reservation in Oklahoma...but there are no reservations in Oklahoma, only cultural centers (which also proves that he did the bare minimum of research).  She's the only First Nations character and she's the only character (besides Nancy Bobofit) depicted as a kleptomaniac (First Nations people are constantly called thieves by racist assholes). “The week before, he’d turned down several million dollars to play Tonto in a remake of The Lone Ranger. Piper was still trying to figure out why. He’d played all kinds of roles—a Latino teacher in a tough L.A. school, a dashing Israeli spy in an action-adventure blockbuster, even a Syrian terrorist in a James Bond movie. And, of course, he would always be known as the King of Sparta. But if the part was Native American—it didn’t matter what kind of role it was—Dad turned it down.” (The Lost Hero, page 165). So her father is fine with playing an extremely racist and stereotypical Middle Eastern role but not a First Nations role. Uses a cornucopia as a weapon (how she got it- cutting it off a half-bull- is disrespectful to her culture as hurting an animal is banned and she used a cornucopia- a symbol of Thanksgiving- as a weapon). Cut her hair, which is basically taboo in First Nations culture.

-Samirah: Had an arranged marriage (at age twelve, and she believed that she was groomed to be married to a rich and respectable family and nothing else). Ripped off her hijab in front of tons of male characters. The only Muslim character. The only Muslim character and she's the only character who married her cousin (you're supposed to break stereotypes, not enforce them).

Thomas Jefferson Jr: Said that he was thankful to the British for not siding with the South during the American Civil War even though they needed the South's cotton (but they didn't side with the North either). AKA a black man and son of a freed slave was thankful to Britain for not openly oppressing him? And at the same time he was named after a racist slave-owner.

Reyna: She's brown and her entire story revolves around her being independent, strong, alone, and self-sufficient but also desperately needing love and support but then Riordan says that she can't get her heart healed AKA she went through an abusive home, killed her father, left her sister, felt alone her whole life, worked a two-person job alone for months, and had to put on a brave face for others throughout all this then was literally told 'Shut up no one wants to hear about your struggles, just suck it up and deal with it’ and have you seen all the shit brown girls have to go through and keep silent about it? 

Extra: -Latino, Puerto Rican, African-American, Chinese-Canadian, East Asian, First Nations, etc. characters and the two most powerful, best, and most skilled characters and who the stories mostly revolve around are two white guys AKA white supremacy.

-"Harriet Tubman, daughter of Hermes, used many mortals on her Underground Railroad for just this reason" and that World War II was caused by a child of Zeus and a child of Hades fighting very blatantly erases the shit those people went through and Riordan just went 'Let's use these racist movements as little easter eggs in my story'.

-Thanatos, who was chained and enslaved, is described with dark skin.

-Riordan writing the characters went a little something like this: Drew: You get common Eastern Asian features like dark hair and eyes because you're arrogant, selfish, conceited, and rude, and because you're an antagonist and you're going to be used to make one of my protagonists- who has unique traits- look good so you're going to have the basic, 'boring' physical traits so the readers know who's the more superior of the two of you. Leo: You get common Latino features like curly dark hair, dark eyes, and light brown skin cause you're the weird, hyperactive unattractive one who's very flirty but constantly gets rejected and you're the only main character without a love interest and the only way you can get a girlfriend is when she's forced to fall in love with you through a curse. Frank: You get common Chinese features like dark hair and eyes cause you're the fat unattractive loser who catches the eye of the African character who already has unique and 'special' traits so you don't have to be super attractive. Reyna: You get common Puerto Rican traits like dark skin, hair, and eyes cause you're the stoic, lonely, intimidating, and cold one who wants all the guys (two white guys for that matter) but none of them want you and they both have girlfriends with traits like blonde hair and gray and kaleidoscope eyes so the readers know who are the more interesting couples.  Piper and Hazel: You two get eurocentric features because you're the main characters I have to set apart from everyone else- including other females whom I'm going to make one of you rivals with- so the readers know who's more superior so I'm giving you unique eye colors that literally cannot be found in humans so I'm going to try to validate it by saying that it's from something mildly associated with your godly parent even though neither of them have those traits. Riordan basically said that the common features are bad and boring and that unique and special features- aka features not found in those ethnicities- are good and cool. Also- if gods don’t have DNA how can their traits be passed down to their demigod children checkmate Riordan.

-Cecil Markowitz is the only Jewish character in PJO and the first thing used to describe him is "That kid, always thinking about the potential payout".

-Lavinia said that she was going to bring her date to her bat mitzvah even though you don't bring dates to bat mitzvahs or bar mitzvahs and she said that it was 'awkward' to tell her rabbi that someone was going to be her date even though you don't explain your guestlist to your rabbi, and they're most likely not even going to be at the party.

-Only three Latino and Puerto Rican characters (Leo, Reyna, and Hylla) and all three came from abusive households.

-Leo said 'Mamacita' as if that's not stereotyping.

-Made Nico ‘pale’ even though he had olive skin and gave him black hair and dark eyes despite Italians usually having light hair and eyes just to add to his ‘Goth Boy Aesthetic’.

-Hazel described Pluto to look like Adolf Hitler.

-Carter Kane said that Elvis took African-American music and made it sound like rock 'n roll and described it as cool- like no it’s cultural appropriation. 

-Leo was abused and Riordan thought that it'd be funny to make all the other characters line up to punch him and then try to make it look funny. 

-Gave almost every single POC character a white name and sometimes gave them white first names and POC surnames, and Reyna and Bianca are the only POC characters with names from their culture/native language and one of them is dead and reborn as someone else and the other’s full name wasn’t revealed until the fourth book in her series and she hates using it.

-Made two POC characters with names from their culture- Samirah and Olujime- go by white nicknames (Sam and Jamie) to make it ‘easier to read’ despite having white characters with the same amount of syllables in their names (like Annabeth) that didn’t go by nicknames.

-Never actually described the characters of color with physical traits from their ethnicities (Reyna, Hylla, and Leo with big eyes, thick eyebrows, brown hair, wide noses, full lips, etc., Piper with almost-oriental eyes, shovel teeth, high cheekbones, black hair, etc., Nico with light or brown hair and eyes, olive skin, a narrow nose, etc., Hazel with a wide nose and lips, dark brown eyes, black or dark brown hair, big eyes, thick eyebrows, etc.).

Anti-LGBTQ+:

-Nico was forcibly outed by Cupid and Riordan and the fandom didn't care and the only thing they thought was 'Aww, he has a crush on Percy! So cute!' AKA romanticizing a forced outing. 

-Riordan said that he didn't want to make Reyna lesbian or bisexual because he thought it'd be stereotypical making her LGBTQ+ because she didn't want men anymore even though she could've been bisexual all along but Riordan casually dismissed the idea of that saying "Having a girl end up with a woman after dating men is a bad stereotype" and basically said that real bi girls don’t exist.

-The Hunters of Artemis were made so Artemis/Diana could protect those girls from men and their behavior towards women but Riordan dismissed lesbian relationships- even though nothing about that was said in real Greek mythology- meaning that he thinks that women need protection from other women just as much as they need protection from men.

-Alex Fierro is the only gender-fluid or transgender character and she/he’s seen as rude, snarky, and sharp and Magnus could magically tell when Alex changed gender.

-Riordan said that he wouldn’t make Reyna a lesbian because of stereotypes despite the reader asking if Reyna was going to get a girlfriend, not come out as lesbian AKA Riordan thinks ‘Girls liking girls’ is automatically ‘lesbian’ and completely dismissed bi, pan, poly, omni, etc. girls.

-Used a self-insert to make fun of wlw readers who saw themself in Reyna and thought she could be a cool character to relate to.

-Enforced LGBTQ+ stereotypes like the cold-hearted Asexual, the flamboyant bi/pan, the snarky gender-fluid, the emo gay, the laid-back and rebellious lesbian who dyed her hair pink and chews a lot of bubblegum, etc.

-Has one-hundred fifty-five characters total minus gods/goddesses, Titans, giants, nymphs, dryads, satyrs, monsters, etc. and only has fifteen confirmed LGBTQ+ characters (do the math, that’s exactly one out of ten regarding OCs).

-Only one character that isn’t cishet.

-Saves most the LGBTQ+ for the side characters or only confirms characters LGBTQ+ once they’ve become a minor character despite being a main character before.

-Only stated that Reyna was Asexual outside of his books and on Twitter as if that’s not exactly what J.K Rowling is doing.

-Used the LGBTQ+ community to make Piper seem like the ‘special snowflake’ and to set her apart from her siblings to make it seem like she’s better than all of them and used Hera/Juno and Aphrodite/Venus as excuses for his homophobic mindset that believes that straight is the default cause “Suddenly, much of what she and I had talked about started to make sense. Not being defined by Aphrodite’s expectations. Or Hera’s ideas of what a perfect couple looked like. Piper finding her own way, not the one people expected of her” in synonymous words is 'The expectations for love and the idea of a perfect couple are a heterosexual relationship, and anyone who 'finds their own way instead of the ones people expect' are different'. ‘Different’ and ‘default’ are antonyms AKA if he thinks that LGBTQ+ people are ‘different’, he thinks that straight is the ‘default’. Remember- an author writes their own personal beliefs.

-Josephine is the only black LGBTQ+ character.

-Reyna is said to be Asexual despite feeling sexual attraction towards Percy cause no one likes someone five minutes after knowing them and it’s anything but sexual attraction.

-Magnus and Alex are the only LGBTQ+ relationship whose growth and development is actually shown in the story (while there was also Apollo and Commodus, Piper and Shel, Will and Nico, Apollo and Hyacinthus, Emmie and Jo, Lavinia and Poison Oak, etc.).

-Riordan never canonically said the name of any sexuality and is clearly uncomfortable with the LGBTQ+ community shown by his little to no writing regarding physical affection and deep emotions in his LGBTQ+ relationships.

-Only added in LGBTQ+ relationships for publicity- Percy Jackson and the Olympians release dates: 2005-2009. 2005-2009: LGBTQ+ support was nearly at an all-time low. No LGBTQ+ characters, relationships, or references in the books. The Lost Hero-The Mark of Athena release dates: 2010-2012. 2010-2012: LGBTQ+ support was still very low. Still no LGBTQ+ characters, relationships, or references in the books. The House of Hades release date: late 2013. Mid-2013: the giant spike for LGBTQ+ support and allies. One confirmed LGBTQ+ character. The Sword of Summer release date: late 2015. 2015: LGBTQ+ support was good and gay marriage was legalized. A few LGBTQ+ references but no confirmed characters. The Hammer of Thor and The Ship of the Dead release dates: 2016-2017. 2016-2017: LGBTQ+ support was quite high. Two confirmed LGBTQ+ characters and the first canon LGBTQ+ relationship and kiss. The Trials of Apollo release dates: 2016-2020. 2016-2020: LGBTQ+ support was very high. More LGBTQ+ characters confirmed in one book than all the other series combined. Kind of obvious he was just following the public opinion.

-Legit said ‘Reyna can’t like girls cause she has had crushes on guys before’.

Ableism:

-It was heavily implied in The Battle of the Labyrinth that Rachel Dare had schizophrenia/psychosis but it's never brought up again.

-Grover's fake feet made it look like he was disabled from the Mist and it was said that he was bullied because of it but it was never brought up again.

-It was said that Tyson looked like he had down syndrome from the Mist covering his one eye but it was never brought up again. 

-It was stated that every character but Frank has ADHD and dyslexia but never actually showed any symptoms after Percy Jackson and the Olympians and characters like Piper and Leo were even able to read English writing throughout The Lost Hero and the only symptom of ADHD Riordan showed through his characters was ‘a lot of fidgeting’ as if that’s not a blatant stereotype. 

Pedophilia:

-Luke, a twenty-two/twenty-three year old had a crush on Annabeth, a sixteen year old. That's a six-seven year age gap. 

-The only two girls put into relationships with much older men are black (Hazel and Sadie).

-Hazel, a thirteen year old, got together with a sixteen year old guy. Hazel's crush on Frank is normal- a girl having a crush on an older guy, but Frank's crush on Hazel is disgusting- an older guy looking down at a child and thinking about making out with her.

Misogyny:

-Aphrodite's kids are seen as useless, weak, snobby, shallow, vain, and selfish just because they’re feminine. 

-Riordan portrayed Aphrodite’s kids as feminine despite Aphrodite being the goddess of love and beauty, not femininity, as if romance and beauty are reserved for women only. 

-Piper is the only 'tomboy' child of Aphrodite and she's portrayed as tougher, stronger, and better than her feminine siblings (and it's portrayed that way multiple times throughout the story like other characters telling Piper she’s "-tough for a child of Aphrodite").

-Piper immediately stereotyped and disliked every single feminine character like Drew and the rest of the Aphrodite cabin just because they liked makeup and skirts as if that’s not shallow criticism. 

-Feminine characters like Drew, Isabel, Khione, and Medea are used or even created solely as antagonists to make Piper- the tomboy- look better.

-Calypso is the only feminine character and she sucks at everything. 

-Riordan’s take on female characters: Drew: a vain, rude, selfish, snobby, and bitchy mean girl. Silena: a shallow traitor. Reyna: a cold-hearted robot. Piper: internalized misogyny that was never brought up again. Calypso: an island whore. Athena: a rude, aggressive bitch with no emotions. Aphrodite: shallow, vain, conceited, and self-centered. Hera: completely evil with no backstory added into it. Marie: an evil witch who selfishly used and sacrificed her daughter.

-The Hunters of Artemis were blessed by Artemis to protect them from men but Riordan made it only about the men in their lives (again) and portrayed the whole 'losing men' thing like it was a burden and that they're 'giving men up' even though they join the Hunters to leave men. He distorted the original meaning of the Hunters- protecting women- by making it about the Hunters hating and being forced to leave men even though they're asking to have no men in their lives, cause that's the point of it. 

-The Amazons and Hunters of Artemis despise men and literally attack them if they so much as speak as if sexism is reserved for women only.

-Portrayed femininity as weakness (and masculinity as strength, it’s even in the word- tomBOY).

-Constantly pit women against women for the sake of romance and love triangles instead of normalizing women getting along despite liking the same people and let the female’s relationships get controlled and influenced by the men in their lives.

-The men always outpower the women in powers and skills. Riordan’s portrayal of powers and characters- Percy: You’re going to have epic water powers and can even create your own personal hurricanes and even though you’ve only been canonically training for eight months total you’re going to be the best swordfighter despite multiple characters having years more training than you. Jason: You’re going to be able to fly, control lightning, create storms, and electric shock people into another dimension. Leo: You’re going to be able to create and control fire and blow shit up with just a screwdriver. Frank: You’re going to be able to shape-shift into any animal you want, even a whole dragon. Nico: You’re going to be able to control darkness and shadows, literally teleport, and raise a whole army of undead soldiers. Reyna: Powers? Nah, your only ability is to lend strength to others as if that benefits you at all. Annabeth: Powers? Nah. Piper: You’re going to be able to manipulate and seduce people and are literally going to use your body and attractiveness as a weapon and your power is literally called charmspeak. Hazel: You have more powers than all the other characters combined that can literally destroy anyone in less than a second but you’re never going to use them or even remember that you have them cause screw the female character being more powerful than the males. 

-The men always accomplish the most incredible feats and if the females ever do accomplish something great (Reyna healing the riff and defeating Orion while the Hunters and Amazons couldn’t combined, Annabeth going through Tartarus, Hazel learning to control the Mist, etc.) they are never praised or rewarded or all the credit goes to the men. 

-Ares/Mars in real Greek/Roman mythology was the feminist patron of the Amazons who loved his daughter very much and killed a rapist but was portrayed as the dumb, cruel asshole who loved nothing but bloodshed and tried to kill a twelve year-old kid who was trying to help him while Poseidon/Neptune in real Greek/Roman mythology was a greedy, short-tempered, and arrogant asshole who raped almost as much women than Zeus/Jupiter but was portrayed as the kind, caring, and gentle father figure. 

Fatophobia:

-Frank is the only chubby character and he hates himself because of it, was constantly fat-shamed, and only learned to love himself after he got rippling abs, muscles, and looked hotter (because fat = ugly in Riordan’s mind, even though it's not). 

-Clovis was depicted with a pot-belly and Drew described him as 'repulsive'.

-Dionysus/Bacchus is also depicted with a pot-belly and he's portrayed as a useless, rude, lazy, and drunken asshole. 

Lookism:

Basically how Riordan wrote his characters- Percy, Annabeth, Jason, Reyna, Hazel, Piper, and most minor protagonists: You’re all going to be super attractive, have at least one character or more pining for you, have your looks constantly commented on, and some of you will even use your looks as a weapon cause that’s not obvious sexualization cause you’re all the main characters and protagonists that readers need to know are the protagonists. Nico, Leo, and Frank: You three are originally portrayed as unattractive but at some points are described as cute and two of you are insecure about your looks cause you’re scrawny and chubby and one of you hates yourself cause of your body and only learn to love yourself once you magically gain abs cause more muscle obviously equals more attractiveness.  Luke, Silena, Chris, and Ethan: You four are going to be super attractive because you’re traitors but all of you make up for your actions and decide to help the demigods and become protagonists again. Octavian, Bryce, Michael, Titans, giants, etc.: You all are the antagonists so you have to be super ugly with multiple physical imperfections cause you’re not allowed to be attractive since you are against the protagonists and I have to set you guys apart and show the readers who’s the better and more superior character. 

-Frank hated himself cause he was chubby and only loved himself once he got skinnier and gained muscle through magic but even then was called ‘cute like a panda’.

-Leo was described as scrawny and unattractive and was insecure about being short but even then was called ‘cute in a scrawny way’.

-Piper had facial imperfections and even a pimple on her nose but once she got claimed all of those disappeared and they stayed gone even after the blessing washed off despite all the magic being gone and only then was Piper’s looks commented on multiple times. 

-Lester/Apollo hated his appearance cause he had a little flab and acne and his physical imperfections were used as comedy by making fun of it as if insecure readers don’t exist.

-Percy and Annabeth had one canon physical imperfection- a gray streak in their hair- and that magically washed away.

-None of the other characters were described with any physical imperfections like pimples/zits/acne, body hair (despite none of the characters having the care or time to wax or shave), bushy/frizzy or messy hair or eyebrows, big or small hands or noses, blackheads, super thick or thin eyebrows, blemishes, birthmarks, scars, stretch marks, braces, lazy eyes, yellow or chipped teeth, eye bags, glasses, moles, dimples, love handles, flab/fat, visible veins, freckles, etc. unless it added to their ‘aesthetic’ despite none of those being bad and saves it only for the antagonists as if ‘physical imperfections’ = ‘evil’. 

Bias:

-Riordan portrayed the Romans as cold, cruel, ruthless, strict, and overall horrible despite them being the more inclusive camp regarding family and godly parents, have multiple families and rules that ensure their camper’s safety, and hold the nicest characters in the series while the Greeks are portrayed as fun, wild, reckless, silly, and cool despite holding the most prejudiced and rude characters, outcasting and ostracizing characters of certain godly parents just for their parentage, stereotype almost every single cabin, and make some campers without siblings live, sleep, and eat alone. 

-Every Greek traitor (Luke, Silena, Ethan, and Chris) were portrayed as powerful, kind, attractive, and awesome and each made up for their actions but each Roman ‘traitor’ (Octavian, Bryce, and Michael, and only one of them are actually a traitor) were portrayed as unattractive, cruel, ambitious, ruthless, and extremely weak and never actually did anything useful.

-The Greeks were part of the Union and the Romans were part of the Confederacy (adding on to Riordan adding racist movements as fun little easter eggs in his stories).

-Four out of seven of the main Seven are Greek.

-There are at least 70+ Greek characters and less than thirty named Romans.

-The Battle of San Francisco Bay was used for the sole purpose to weaken the Romans and make the Greeks seem stronger than them and while the Greeks went through two whole wars, their camp laid almost completely untouched but the moment the Romans are introduced, half their population is wiped?

Romanticization:

-Romanticized Annabeth judo-flipping Percy AKA romanticized physical abuse/harassment (emotions, angriness, feelings of love and affection, ‘they went through a lot together’, etc. do not excuse hitting someone) despite Annabeth knowing where Percy’s Achilles Heel was and not knowing he lost it and flipping him on his back anyways (if Percy didn’t lose the Achilles Heel, Annabeth would’ve killed him).

-Romanticized Leo killing himself to see Calypso again and to take her off her island AKA a romanticized suicide.

-Romanticized Calypso yelling at and insulting Leo and Annabeth insulting and canonically lowering Percy’s self-esteem AKA romanticized verbal abuse/bullying.

-Romanticized Will trying to help Nico through his loneliness and depression as if that can’t be portrayed as someone just wanting to help another person AKA  romanticized mental illness.

-Romanticized every character kissing another character without asking first and without their consent AKA romanticized sexual harassment.

-Romanticized Piper taking advantage over Jason’s amnesia and mental state and jumping onto him despite knowing there might be a girl he couldn’t remember AKA romanticized manipulation.

-Romanticized Piper and Annabeth’s possessive, overly-jealous, and controlling behavior over Jason and Percy (even before they were canonically dating).

-Romanticized Nico being forced to confess his crush on Percy AKA romanticized a forced outing.

Rick Riordan:

-Refused to apologize for his actions even after being called out by people from the groups he was writing inaccurately and stereotyping (Muslim, Jewish, African, First Nation, lesbian, gay, Puerto Rican, etc.) and tried to make himself look like the victim.

-Claimed he was being ‘bullied’ by readers half his age who were just pointing out his books’ racist flaws.

-Showed time and time again that he is not willing to listen to the voices of minorities.

-Clearly didn’t do his research on ethnicities, sexualities, religions, etc. shown by how he got the simplest things wrong.

-Tried to say that he- a straight white man- was right when people of the actual groups he was writing about (gay, First Nation tribes, etc.) were wrong.

-Used excuses like having a ‘headstrong’ and ‘stubborn’ character who wants to ‘show their culture in their own way’ for his stereotypes. No, Riordan, you want to show the culture that way, not Piper. She’s a fictional character, you’re real. Dumbass.

-Literally said ‘Sorry I put feathers in Piper’s hair, I can’t change what I wrote in the past and I didn’t know that sensitive readers existed’ then continued to write feathers in Piper’s hair in the future books. 

The Fandom:

Note: Not to all of the fandom, obviously

-Draws Piper with light skin, light hair, and kaleidoscope eyes with feathers, hippie bands, and beads (yes, it's canon, but you're allowed to change it if it's blatantly racist, and the bead and hippie band thing was created by the fandom and that's also stereotyping).

-Almost always draw Reyna, Hylla, and Leo with light skin and Caucasian traits (props to the few artists who drew them with the right skin tones).

-Draws Hazel with gold eyes, ‘cinnamon’/light brown hair, and an adult body.

-Sexualizes female characters by drawing them in sexy and revealing clothes and giving them all the same exact sexy, slim, and perfect hour-glass shaped bodies.

-Almost never include physical imperfections, muscle, scars, stretch marks, etc. in drawings.

-Fancasts white actors for characters of color and puts actors/faceclaims of white people or people of different ethnicities in the moodboards or aesthetics for characters of color.

-Participates in cultural appropriation by wearing feathers when cosplaying Piper and wearing a hijab when cosplaying Samirah.

-Supports Riordan, tries to defend him, and condones his clearly racist and bigoted actions just cause they ‘like the books’ (if you are straight, white, and/or cishet, I definitely don’t want to see you trying to defend a fifty-five year-old multi-millionaire who is clearly racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic).

-Romanticize physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental illnesses and panic/anxiety attacks, etc.

-Ship pedophilic, manipulative, abusive, and wrong relationships.

-Barely allow others to have their own opinions (looking at you Perachel haters) without yelling at, insulting, cursing out, and/or even threatening them for liking or disliking different things than them including ships, characters, books, plots/faults, and Riordan himself.

-Straightwashes characters like shipping Nico with female characters or setting him up with a female character in fanfics.

-Whitewashes characters like drawing Hazel and Piper with eurocentric features, Reyna, Hylla, and Leo with white skin and Caucasian traits, Nico with white/pale skin, etc.

-Try to excuse and explain abusive, manipulative, possessive, and overall very wrong and toxic behavior.

-Fail to recognize and/or admit the toxic, racist, homophobic, sexist, transphobic, wrong, abusive, etc. faults in the books, ships, and characters just cause they like them.

The Percy Jackson franchise does not add good representation. You can still like the series as long as you don’t condone Riordan’s racist and toxic writing and actions and don’t try to ignore the horrible and stereotypical faults just cause you don’t want to admit that your favorite or childhood story is horrible. 

[zebrabaker]

Falling for you, A Dick/Marinette one shot.

She’d been silk dancing for four years, doing trapeze for three. She had started on low sets, set up outside to attract customers. Then, they had set her as a background girl, nothing big, but enough that she caught the ringmaster’s notice. Two years ago, she had been moved to the main ring, with her best friend and partner Cole.

Cole was from Greece, and their parents hadn’t approved of them being non-binary, so they had joined the circus when they were thirteen. She and Cole had been dancing together since she had been outside the tent. Now, the pair was in their early twenties, and it was opening night in Gotham. Apparently, few circuses dared perform anywhere near Gotham due to the Joker. The manager was interested in the ‘untapped market’, so here they were.

The horse group had gone out, and the flame eaters were bowing to a roaring audience. Marinette rolled her neck and walked through the slit in the tent, waving to the crowd before pretending to trip. She launched into a front walkover, down into a handstand, and walked on her hands to the center of the ring. The audience clapped and cheered, and she beamed, standing as the light glinted off her costume.

It had taken months of work, but it was perfect. The bodice had a Basque waist, and was covered in red sequins, with six dots made of black sequins on her front and back. The shorts were miniscule, and were a shimmery black material. Overtop the shorts was a sheer skirt that reached mid-thigh, with slits up to her hips to let her move better. There was a giant golden bow at the small of her back, with ribbons that dragged a little when she walked. Cole had told her the look was very sailor moon, making Marinette giggle.

She waved to the crowds, smiling heartily as Cole flipped down off one of the shorter platforms to land beside her. They took her hand and bowed to the audience, before standing up.

“LADIES, GENTLEMEN, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES!” The ring master, Signore Grigio, called. “TONIGHT, WE PRESENT THEPOWEFUL PEACOCK!” Cole smiled and bowed. “AND THE INCANDESCENT COCCINELLA!” She beamed, curtseying to the cheers of the audience. “THEY ARE OUR TRUE STARS, PERFORMING WITH NO NET WHATSOEVER!” The crowd roared, screaming their approval. “THEY PERFORM ALMOST THREE-HUNDRED-FIFTY FEET IN THE AIR!” The spotlights swept from the ringmaster to where she and Coal had scrambled up to the platform.

She waved down to the crowd once more, before grabbing her bar. She backed up and jogged forward, before leaping. The crowd gasped below, and she relished in the feel of the wind against her face. She swung out a few times before flipping so that she was swinging by the backs of her knees. Marinette stretched her arms out to Cole, and readied for the jump.

Marinette almost doesn’t see it, almost continues on the performance blissfully unaware, but then she sees the feather Duusu let her use for Cole’s mask twitch violently, and she’s instantly on alert. She looks around inconspicuously, trying to see where the danger is without being too obvious (there’s still a show going on). But then she looks up, and her blood runs cold.

The cable. It’s on the verge of snapping, and she’s hundreds of feet in the air, without a safety net.

There’s no way she’d survive a fall like that.

So, the moment she gets close to Cole she leans in and grabs their hands. Cole raises an eyebrow and leans in too. Marinette tries not to let her panic show, but she knows some of it is leaking through from the way her stomach is lurching and her heart is pounding.

“Cole, my cable.” She says in a hushed tone. Cole’s brows furrow, and she sees their brown eyes flit up briefly, only to widen a smidge, but she can see their skin pale drastically. Their grip on her hands tighten, too.

“Jump to me on the next swing!” They say quickly, before letting go so that they swing apart. Marinette isn’t sure if the cable will survive another, but she nods anyway; she’ll be fine. She has to be.

She plasters a blinding grin and shoved down her nerves. She swings back, back, back, and then forward to Cole, who’s arms are ready to catch her. She’s almost there, just a few more inches, she can feel hope bubbling in her chest, and a grin twitches at the corner of her lips. There’s a resounding snap, and her hope bursts, seizing her heart.

Fear takes it’s place, and Marinette locks eyes with Cole’s own dark brown ones. Something akin to horror crawls across her partners face and they lurch forward.

Oh god no.

Time seems to still for a mere fraction of a second, the seat gives out beneath her, and she jerks forward to grab Cole. Then time grabs the reigns again and in the beat of a hummingbird’s wing, she’s falling.

No- no, that’s not the right word, falling. It sounds like she’s jumped off the swing at a playground, and now she’s falling a few feet. No, she’s plummeting straight to the ground, straight to the concrete ground, straight towards death. She’s three hundred feet up, two fifty, two hundred, one fifty, one hundred, seventy, fifty, twenty, ten.

Then, she’s being caught, someone cradling her bridal style. Whoever it is, they’re panting. She can feel their chest pumping up and down against her cheek.

“MARINETTE! Someone is screaming, and she recognizes it as Cole. The figure lowers her legs to the ground, and she shakily stands. She barely has her feet under her when someone sweeps her into their arms, swirling her around.

“Oh gods, you’re okay!” It’s Cole, their Greek accent heavier than she’s ever heard it. “You’re alive, oh ZEUS!” They were sobbing.

“I’m…I’m good.” She whispered, feeling tears streak down her face.

X0X0X

Dick had been overjoyed when he heard that a circus was coming to Gotham. He had begged all of his siblings to go, and eventually they all caved. Damien had been against it at first, but the animal acts had quickly changed his mind. He had been entranced by the horses, and the elephants had blown him away

“Here comes the best part!” Dick had gushed when the ringmaster had walked into the big ring.

“LADIES, GENTLEMEN, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES!” The ring master bellowed. “TONIGHT, WE PRESENT THEPOWEFUL PEACOCK!” The man in the peacock unitard bowed. “AND THE INCANDESCENT COCCINELLA!” The young woman in the ladybug leotard bowed, beaming. “THEY ARE OUR TRUE STARS, PERFORMING WITH NO NET WHATSOEVER!” The crowd roared, screaming their approval. “THEY PERFORM ALMOST THREE-HUNDRED-FIFTY FEET IN THE AIR!” The spotlights swept from the ringmaster to where the acrobats had scrambled up to the platform. They waved down to the audience, before grabbing their bars. Dick focused on the girl. She backed up and jogged forward, before leaping. She swung out a few times before flipping so that she was swinging by the backs of her knees. The crowd gasped around him, and he saw even Damien was impressed. She stretched out her arms towards her partner, and caught his hands. She whispered something to him, and he glanced up. Dick’s heart stuttered. No, no not again. She swung back, and he had almost calmed down when she was mere inches from her partner. Then, he heard it. That heart wrenching snap, and the girl screaming as she plummeted.

Dick vaulted the barrier, running full tilt for the center of the ring. The woman was falling fast, but he was faster. His legs pumped as he leapt, catching the girl in his arms. He jogged a few more steps, cradling the sobbing girl in his arms. He let her legs down, and waited to remove his hands till she was stable.

The other acrobat was running towards them, sobbing and calling what he assumed was Coccinella’s real name.

She had barely stood up when she was tackled by the other acrobat.

“Oh, gods, you’re okay! You’re alive, oh ZUES!” They’re both sobbing, barley holding each other up.

“I’m…I’m okay.” Marinette whispers, voice shaky and slightly accented. His heart stuttered, and his hand went to his wrist.

“My name is Dick Grayson-Wayne. Miss, what happened?” He asked, setting his hand on her shoulder. She turns to face him, and he sees the most beautiful blue eyes, the same color as the accents on his suit. She has a smattering of freckles, and her lips and eyes are painted red with make up to match her outfit.

“My…my cable was frayed, or almost cut. It just…snapped.” She wrapped her arms around herself, shuddering. “I can- wait.” Her eyes go wide, and she grasps the wrist that he now sees has a covering of make-up on it.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” The peacock sighs. “Only our lucky lady would find her soulmate as she falls to her death.”

[weareonereacts]

Children of the Gods: Chapter 5

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Word count: 3k

Genre: Greek Myth AU

Characters: BTS + EXO + Reader

A/N: Oh look. I’m fancy and I put an authors note~ Hehehe. JK I always do. I just labeled it this time. Anyways I hope you enjoy the newest chapter. I’m currently writing chapter 8 and let me tell you guys the story as gotten so great I can’t even stop writing sometimes. Love ya.

~Heather

“I’m sorry. What the hell did you just say?” The sound of Hoseok’s voice had nearly startled you. The entire room sat in silence after Suho had made his speech. He wanted you guys to join him? Join him how? That stupid little camp he talked about back on the dock?

“Ok look, you two are sons of Apollo right?” he gestured towards Jimin and Hoseok as he spoke to them. “Apollo has joined Poseidon in this fight. It’s only right that you stand with your parent on the side he supports. I’m building an army I need all the warriors I can get so before Zeus’ side even has the chance to think about winning we can attack. You owe this much to your parent boys.”

“Who the fuck cares if we support our godly parent?” It was your voice this time that cut through the silence. “What have they ever done for us other than provide the second half for us to be born? When have they ever come to help us. Give us words of encouragement during our training? Not everyone gets a chance to have a parent that pays attention to them golden boy.” You spat the last part of your sentence at him like there was dirt in your mouth. Being the son of Poseidon this asshole would never know what it would be like to grow up without a parent. Having your mother taken away from you and your godly father never even acknowledging your existence.

Uncertainty flashed in his eyes, probably not realizing that he should have thought of that before hand. You smirked as you stared at him, your eyes never shifting away. You had to stand your ground in anyway you could, there was no way you were teaming up with this prick.

“We’ll join you.” your blood turned into ice and your eyes widened. “I will join you.” Hoseok put emphasis on “I” as he spoke once again, shaking you to the core. “I will join you and in turn if they decide against it you will not harm any of them. You will let them go.” What was he doing? He couldn’t join them. He promised to run away with you and Yixing, he promised to protect you and he was abandoning you to do the thing the three of you never wanted to do in the first place.

“I’ll join too.” Jimin’s voice was quiet as he spoke, his head hanging low. No. They can’t leave you. Your body began to shake, the reality of what was happening right now weighed you down and you couldn’t even speak.

“Fair enough. We will be taking him in with us. Something has to be done about his shoulder and quickly.” Suho’s voice was more of a muffle to you near the end. Your world faded away from you and you could hear Hoseok talk again about your mind did not register the words. They were all leaving you now, your worst fear was becoming a reality and there was nothing you could do about it.

“No.” a sob broke out of you and your turned your eyes to Hoseok, pleading for him to understand. “No. You can’t leave me. You can’t leave me alone. You promised Hoseok.”

“I know I did.” he wouldn’t look at you, his eyes stared ahead down the hallway as he spoke. The clarity that flooded your mind afterwards was revolutionary for you. Everything made sense to you now, you had to stand for yourself. You couldn’t always rely on Hoseok to be there for you when you needed him, there were times when you were going to have to be there for yourself.

“I’m joining too.”

There wasn’t much after that, all four of you had been swept up and blindfolded. You had sat for ages outside of the apartment buildings and thankfully Suho was the one who had offered you an extra pair of pants. Seeing as though you were blindfolded the struggle to pull the pants on was a lot more complicated than you would have thought. Suho had gotten impatient and pulled the pants up your legs making you jerk away from him and collapse onto the couch once again.

Your bare feet were aching by the time you heard a vehicle pulled up, the gravel of the road digging into the sensitive skin on your feet. You were promptly shoved into what you assumed to be a large van because everyone then climbed in afterwards.

The ride was long and as much as you had tried to fight it your exhaustion took over. You struggled with yourself, prying your eyes open and even digging your nails into your hands to keep you awake. The hours of lost sleep caught up and dragged you into the depths. The only thing you needed right now was for your body to rest and heal.

The next time you woke up the sun was shining right into your face, the light providing a nice warmth that had you humming in delight. You curled up under your covers as you pulled the blankets up closer to your face. You didn’t want to wake up, your entire body was sore and you were definitely not a morning person right now. You listened closely, waiting to hear some sign of life.

“If you’re awake you should probably get out of bed.” your eyes shot open and you stared wide eyed at the body where the voice had quietly drifted from. There in front of you was Suho, comfortably leaning over onto your bed from his chair, holding his head up with his hands. “Morning.”

You jerked back, your muscles tensing up as you shot up into a sitting position. How the hell could you have forgotten what happened? Where the hell were you? Your eyes started scanning the room, taking in your environment and quickly formulating a plan.

“No point in trying to leave. Your leg is still in a pretty bad shape. Our healers worked on it all day yesterday. The muscle was torn pretty badly with that slice. I don’t know how the hell you were even moving around on that leg.”

“I can hold my own thank you.” your narrowed your eyes at him, watching as he reclined in his chair that sat next to your bed.

You were in a small cabin, six beds lining the wall in a straight row. Each one with it’s own nightstand and it’s own locker next to it. Across on the opposite wall were two doors that most likely led to a closet or a bathroom. You turned your attention back to Suho.

“Where is-”

“They’re at breakfast. You know that’s like the only thing you say to me that doesn’t actually have a curse word in it. Didn’t anyone ever teach you to not use such foul language?” you rolled your eyes at the lame attempt to joke.

“What the hell do you want?”

“I’m here to take you to breakfast but it seems to me like you would rather sleep so go right ahead. I will head to breakfast myself.” he stood up from his chair and started making his way out of the cabin.

You shook your head and laid back down in the bed and smiled as the sheets fluttered around you for a brief second. You were so glad to finally be alone with your thoughts. Flashes of last night crossed your mind as you laid there, thinking about the situation you had been forced into.

Never had you been away from Hoseok or Yixing before. They were your family and you cared about them the most but they had all so easily decided to leave you. There was no way you were not going to follow them. Hoseok may have been fine breaking his promise with you but you had to protect Yixing. You were not going to break your promise to him when he had no say as to whether he came or not.

You shut your eyes once again, thinking through how you were going to survive all of this. It wasn’t like you knew where you were so you couldn’t run away. Then again maybe you could run away, it wasn’t that hard for you to survive for a bit before finding a place you and Yixing could stay. Maybe you could even convince Hoseok and Jimin to change their minds.

Wait. What the hell were you doing? You shot up out of bed the best your leg allowed you and pushed the blankets away from you. You had to admit your leg felt better but you could still feel the pain when you worked your muscle. You glanced around the room again, eyeing all of the beds. Why the hell were you just laying in bed when you could be using this alone time to find something, any weapon. Even if it was a butter knife. You quickly weaved your way through the bed, checking the lockers and nightstands next to the beds.

They were all empty except for one. You stood at the very last bed and peered into the locker, an assortment of large plain t-shirts hung up along the bar that made a closet. On the very end, leather armor that was significantly smaller that the t-shirts. You assumed it must have been to form the person’s body instead of hanging loose on them.

Upon further inspection you saw that it was definitely male armor. Female armor was cut differently to allow access for breasts to sit comfortable in the tight hard leather. You remembered your own set of armor back at the academy, it made you look like some avenging warrior or something and you hated it.

Glancing down you saw the assortment of colognes lining the bottom and you bent down to see if there was something behind them. Nope. Just more colognes. You closed the top part of the locker and opened up the bottom. Bingo. There sitting neatly at the bottom of the locker was a long dagger, the hilt of the dagger decorated with ornate jewels.

“Mind if I ask what the hell you are doing going through my locker?” you immediately acted on reflex, grabbing the dagger and spinning, slicing upwards as you heard the last of the sentence being spoken. Your slice stopped abruptly, a tight grip catching your wrist and yanking you up. You screamed as your body was flung onto the bed, your hand releasing the dagger as it was twisted in a hard grasp. Just as quick as it happened it stopped.

You groaned and pulled your wrist to your chest cradling it in your other hand as your eyes drifted towards the voice. Was this a dream or something? You stared straight into large deep brown eyes that were attached to a face that was honestly just as pretty. The boy’s set jawline and this slightly messy hair that fell over his forehead made him seem ageless; like a young boy but at the same time he looked like he could be in his late twenties. What even was this guy?

“Sorry.” you didn’t risk saying anything else as you stood up and moved to make your way back to your own bed. You grew annoyed as the boy stayed firm in his spot, your face mere inches away from him. Your eyes refused to meet his as you stood there, your eyes falling on his collarbones instead. The collar of his large t-shirt swooped down to reveal his very defined and very prominent collar bones. “Can I please get by.”

“You haven’t answered my question.” you were growing impatient now and finally looked into those eyes. Hell why did he have such nice eyes?

“I was looking for a weapon that I could use to kill whoever gets in my way.” you narrowed your eyes at him. Would he move now? You adjusted your stance to seem more intimidating, balling up your fist and lowering your arms by your side, meeting his stare head on with an icy one of your own.

His eyes raked down your body and stopped at your leg, blatantly staring at the silver scar that marked your wound right below the edge of the shorts you were in. His eyes traveled back up your body till he was locking eyes with you again, the ghost of a smirk forming on his lips.

“Tell you what.” you flinched when he leaned closer, his body tilting sideways a little and his head adjusting to keep staring at you. “You can take this if you follow my advice.” the dagger came into your line of sight, the hilt pointed at you as his long fingers wrapped delicately around the blade.

“What’s the advice?”

“Wear pants from now on. You wouldn’t want your enemies to see your weakness.” He slowly stretched his arm out a fraction, offering you the dagger “Go on. I have plenty more to defend myself with if I decide to get in your way again.”

You rolled your eyes as you took the dagger from him, carefully drawing it from his hand as not to hurt him. He stood there a second longer before stepping to the side, giving you room to squeeze past him from between the two beds. Your feet carried you back to your bed as you clutched onto the dagger. This weapon was your life line now and you needed it desperately. It was the only thing that would get you out of this place.

“You have a nice technique. A strong form too.” his voice rang out in the cabin again, the soft timber of his voice flooding your ears and making goosebumps form on your arms and legs. “Your friends said they would bring you back some breakfast so you wouldn’t have to get up. They were talking about how well your leg might be doing. Now I guess I know what they were talking about. Surprised you were able to move that fast with an injury like that.”

“I was trained well.” it wasn’t a lie. You were trained well. You were given the best instructors of the academy as private tutors as well as attended all the normal classes so you didn’t stand out. You didn’t want people pegging you as special, that would only bring attention and you would rather hide in the dark recesses of a corner. The only thing that irked you was that he was obviously trained better. He was stronger and faster than you, it didn’t seem like it took any effort to stop you at all when he had grabbed your wrist. This guy was someone you were going to have to watch out for.

“Guess who brought breakfast!” you jumped as the door to your cabin burst open and your two weirdly energetic friends stormed in. Jimin made his way to you first, his smile stretched across his face and causing his eyes to form little crescent shapes and his already puffy cheeks to puff out more. “Thank the gods you’re awake! You were out all day yesterday!”.

“Good morning Jimin.” your returned his smile as you took the plate of food out of Hoseok’s hands.

“Hey. You feeling any better? How’s the leg?” Hoseok sat at the foot of the bed and you quickly cast your eyes away from him as he asked the questions.

“Fine.” You quickly shoved the piece of bacon into your mouth as an excuse to not have to talk anymore. You were still mad at him and you were determined to let him know it. You shifted your weight and pulled the blankets over your legs before continuing to eat, the cabin now falling in silence.

The food was wonderful. You hadn’t had such a nice piece of bacon before, the thin almost tasteless strip at the academy being the only bacon you had eaten in ages. The rest of the food mirrored the bacon in it’s deliciousness; was deliciousness even a word? You would have to worry about that later. If this place gave you food like this everyday then maybe you could stretch your stay a little longer to enjoy the simple luxury.

“You certainly look better.” You looked up at Jimin when he spoke, seeing him wiggle his way out of his tennis shoes and sliding into the bed, lifting the blanket up and laying it in your lap as he had done during the days he was at the academy with you.

Jimin’s bed back then was your bed and your bed was Jimin’s bed. You two were practically inseparable when you were little. You would always hide under your blankets late at night and whisper to each other about things little kids always whispered about. It was so late however that you two would eventually just end up passing out in the same bed, your heads at the foot of the bed and the sheets covering both of you completely.

“Yeah I feel better. My leg doesn’t hurt as much either so whatever they did to it yesterday must have really worked. I can walk normally now at least.” Jimin’s giggle brought your own bubbling up in your chest. You had to admit that there wasn’t anyone you had missed more in your entire life than Jimin.

“Don’t worry I’m sure you will be back to kicking asses in no time.” you actually did laugh at that. It was funny how easily you could just be with Jimin. You were guarded other times around everyone else except Hoseok and Yixing. But even with those two you had a sense of worry, a sense of fear that you could lose them. Jimin just seemed to you like someone who would never leave. Until he actually did.

You both fell silent as a figure passed through your vision. You looked up towards the door in time to see the other boy leaving the cabin, closing the door behind him quietly as he made his leave. One thing you noticed that you didn’t seem to catch before, the guy moved so quietly it was like he was walking on air.

“Ahhhh. I see you have already met Jungkook then.”

“Jungkook?”

“Yeah Jeon Jungkook. Apparently, according to some at breakfast, the son of Ares.” Ares? Hell… that would explain his skill before. Alright. Jeon Jungkook, son of Ares, you officially made it on my radar.

[7r0773r]

Arbitrary Stupid Goal by Tamara Shopsin

A SYMPHONY

The imaginary horizontal lines that circle the earth make sense. Our equator is 0°, the North and South Poles are 90°. Latitude’s order is airtight with clear and elegant motives. The earth has a top and a bottom. longitude is another story. There isn’t a left and right to earth. Any line could have been called 0°. But Greenwich got first dibs on the prime meridian and as a result the world set clocks and ships by a British resort town that lies outside London.

It was an arbitrary choice that became the basis for precision. My father knew a family named Wolfawitz who wanted to go on vacation but didn’t know where.

It hit them. Take a two-week road trip driving to as many towns, parks, and counties as they could that contained their last name: Wolfpoint, Wolfville, Wolf Lake, etc.

They read up and found things to do on the way to these Wolf spots: a hotel in a railroad car, an Alpine slide, a pretzel factory, etc.

The Wolfawitzes ended up seeing more than they planned. Lots of unexpected things popped up along the route. 

When they came back from the vacation, they felt really good. It was easily the best vacation of their lives, and they wondered why.

My father says it was because the Wolfawitzes stopped trying to accomplish anything. They just put a carrot in front of them and decided the carrot wasn’t that important but chasing it was. 

The story of the Wolfawitzes’ vacation was told hundreds of times to hundreds of customers in the small restaurant that my mom and dad ran in Greenwich Village. Each time it was told, my dad would conclude that the vacation changed the Wolfawitzes’ whole life, and this was how they were going to  live from now on—chasing a very, very small carrot. (pp. 3-4)

***

Barely 8, my brother Charlie had the day off from school. He told my mom that he wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History. She gave him ten dollars and explained how to take the train to 81st Street.

Charlie crossed the avenue and made his way to the subway.

At the West 4th Street station he paid his token and went to the uptown platform.

But he caught the A train and it didn’t stop at 81st.

It didn’t stop at 86th or 96th or 103rd.

Charlie got off the train and found a payphone on the platform. It cost a dime.

“Hey, Mom, I’m in Harlem. I’m on 125th Street,” Charlie said.

My mom didn’t freak out. She told him to go to the downtown side and catch the local C train.

And that is what Charlie did.

At the museum he saw dinosaurs, ran the ramps of the carpeted gem room, ate lunch at the cafeteria, and bought a ruler in the gift shop.

And then he took the train home.

Home was The Store. My mom was not waiting on a nervous edge for Charlie. She was waiting on tables. (p. 13)

***

In ancient Greece, Zeus was saved by a cave. His mom, Rhea, hid him in one. She did this so Zeus’s father, Cronus, wouldn’t eat him. Rhea then wrapped a rock in swaddling clothes and gave it to Cronus.

Cronus swallowed the fake baby ASAP, because it was foretold that one of his sons would overpower him.

My father would never have eaten the rock baby.

One of his core beliefs is that as a parent you shouldn’t try to be too wonderful. Being perfect makes it so your children can’t compare and gives them a complex.

If you set the bar low your kids are sure to at least be more successful than you.

Zeus grew up to overthrow Cronus. He also grew up to swallow his unborn baby and wife. (p. 92)

***

THE ASG

“Did the Wolfawitzes ever visit Wolf’s Lair on one of their vacations?” I asked my dad.

“No. They are not real,” he said.

“What?”

“I made them up.”

“You did not. You are fucking with me.”

I remembered meeting the Wolfawitzes. Their children were named after herbs: Parsley, Sage, and Cumin. The father designed candy dispensers for a living, and the mother wore sleeveless shirts in the winter.

Of course, my father made the Wolfawitzes up. It was easy to fill them in. Most of the places they visited were places we had visited.

The Wolfawitzes were created to get across my dad’s guiding belief in ASG—Arbitrary Stupid Goal.

A goal that isn’t too important makes you live in the moment, and still gives you a driving force. This driving force is a way to get around the fact that we all die and there is no real point to life.

But with the ASG there is a point. It is not such an important point that you postpone joy to achieve it. It is just a decoy point that keeps you bobbing along, allowing you to find ecstasy in the small things, the unexpected, and the everyday.

What happens when you reach the stupid goal? Then what? You just find a new ASG.

Customers didn’t understand when my dad said the best way to be was to have an arbitrary stupid goal, so he made up the Wolfawitzes.

Unless he is fucking with me. Then the Wolfawitzes are out there right now. (pp. 318-19)

[ofcaerus]

Name: Asher ‘Ash’ Strike (they/them)  Affiliation: Old Olympus Occupation: Spy/Informant. Drug Dealer/Dancer for New Olympus. Faceclaim: Paulina Singer

BIOGRAPHY:

You go by Ash now, but that is not the name you were christened with - and this isn’t the first time you’ve shed your identity, only to have it remade new. You are made of fleeting moments and running shoes, a creature to whom lying comes naturally, always inventing falsehoods. Where some might do such wicked things in the name of survival, you’ve never been one of those desperate phoenixes - rising from the ashes. Instead, you’re a chameleon, changing your spots to adapt to your habitat. You can’t deny that it’s fun either.

Your parents call you Jane. You learn to scowl at that name - much the way you scowl at everything in your childhood. Traditional, they say, with approving nods. Plain, old Jane, you reply, bitter. It’s not as if your upbringing is hard - your parents are perfectly nice people, if not a little dull - and they make enough so that you never worry about money. Your mother is a school teacher and your father works in insurance. Your home has a white picket fence and a tree you can swing from - but your world is only as big as the town you live, 10,000 apiece. Even now, you can still remember each one of their names. There was Muriel your next door neighbour and Jack the first friend you made in Elementary. But they, like your parents, are so small. Your entire world isn’t big enough to fathom, nor fit, your desires. Simply put, you want it all.

You never manage to pinpoint exactly what that means, preferring to focus on the wider concepts - places, people and things. You draw your inspiration from works of fiction, your only outlet in this black-and-white life - and picture yourself in the shoes of your pretend heroes, living their lives. You suppose that your talent for lying and irresistible charm stems from there, mimicking their sentences until you could stole their voices for your own. Next step? Their stories. Had you been born on the West Coast, you might have been a child actress - prone to stepping out of your own skin and into those of others. Bored with your life, you often played games - to your benefit - and at the expense of the town dwellers. You snuck into the local bar, dolled up to double your age and drank whiskey without flinching. You stole cigarettes from seedy men and smoked in the school bathroom, doe-eyed when you were caught. You stole lipstick from the local store and deliberately got caught, seeing the limits to which you could push people. Deploying a variety of tactics, you got away with each act of rebellion. With time, even that game grew tiring, too easy. You wanted to sink your teeth into something real, into a challenge. 

So, at seventeen, you tear your college applications to shreds - and months before you’re due to graduate high school, you buy a one way ticket to New York City - with no intention of ever coming back. You had always liked the charm of teenage runaways, the romance behind pursuing a dream and leaving it all behind. The logic of reality would dictate that it wouldn’t work out, that you return within three months with your tail between your leg, but things have always slotted into place for you. You’re fortunate like that. So within moments of arriving, you drop into The Stardust Diner just off Broadway and sell a story about being an aspirational musical star. You call yourself Maria - just like the one from West Side Story. Maria is innocent, naive and a little air-headed. But boy can she sing. They give you the job - and you sink your teeth into your new life. You don’t just play the role, you become it. You make friends, kiss your co-workers and live off leftover pancakes and fries. But being the ingeune grows tiring for a while, so after nine months, you claim you’ve been casted and leave without a goodbye to all those you have known. All that’s left is a name badge in a shoe box at the end of your bed.

You sublet your apartment and move in somewhere else, where they don’t ask too many questions. You’re Jean now, a chain-smoking Parisian native. Getting to grips with the grit of the city, you live in Queens, working in a dive bar to make ends meet. You spend most of your days pouring beers and acting as a sort of therapist, listening to the woes of your customers – but their stories too. Such magical ones, that set your heart alive. You feel a little like Jane then, captivated by a fairy tale. You don’t stay Jean for very long, but not because the accent is too hard or the hair dye begins to ruin your hair. You don’t mean Jean because the adventure isn’t enough. You need more than beer bottles and crumbled cigarette packets, hook-ups and half lived adventures. You need something better. You’re not asking to become a magnate of Wall Street (it’s too structured), but would it be so bad to have a little of something else?

The night your life changes, the night you meet Zeus, you’re nameless. You’ve always taken great pride in your identity choices, musing for a long time – so when they ask for your name, outside the Warehouse (you picked it because it’s like nowhere you’ve been before, very Carrie Bradshaw of you) you don’t give them one, tapping the ash of your cigarette like you’re playing them. (You can’t shake the last vestiges of Jean, after all). I’ve been watching you, she said. You’ve got the world wrapped around your fingers. It’s true, you’ve spent your evening flirting with random strangers and scoring free drinks, the eyes of the world beholding your charisma. That’s what I’m looking for. Do you like adventures? You tried not to look too curious, to hide the spark in your eyes. Tossing the cigarette away, your breath was mist on the damp night air. Depends on what they are. The woman laughed. And what they can give you? Well I can offer you a slice of the world, served up on soliver – riches and powers and meaning. You hated to admit that you were drawn in by the sound of that – of playing out your own rise, dipping your claws into something with meaning. I’m in the middle of a war – one I intend to win. But to do that, I need someone to be my eyes and ears on the other side, someone from outside the inner circle. Someone with an air of innocence. Someone who wants to be there. You paused, being a bond girl had never sounded very appealing, but 007 themselves? Perhaps a spy could be fun. Otherwise, why would fiction salivate about it so? What do you have in mind? The woman smiled, or snarled, it depended on your perspective. How do you feel about getting your hands dirty? You shrugged, indifferent. Morals had never mattered much – you never thought they would. You know, I’ll need your name. You laughed. I’ll give it to you tomorrow.  

 Sure enough, when you turned up at the cusp of dawn, you were armed. Your name was Ash, a lucky name – and you were from New Jersey, just up the road. It was the closest to Jane you had ever been, fulfilling long held hopes. From that moment on, you never looked back. 

Zeus taught you everything about the world you were about to possess. Both the flower and the serpent, the rose and the thorns, you became everything under their tuition, the best version of yourself that you had ever been. You words were intoxicating, your aura undeniable. You gave them – and Old Olympus – everything, all the parts of you – Ash and otherwise. In return, she let you into her world – darkness and shadows, daggers hidden in the dark, fine white powder. With her patronage, you blossomed. Without it, you were done – and after one tasted, you never wanted to leave. This truly was the role of a lifetime. You thought you knew better than Alice. You thought you wouldn’t fall into Wonderland. After two months of careful training, you made your move, haunting Club Nyra until they noticed you. At first a bartender and then a dancer, it was months until you were taken to the one they called Hades. You had your eyes set on him from the start. A distant creatures, he gave nothing away. But he let you in. That was enough.

Since then, you’ve spent every waking moment crawling your way in, a pest who won’t let go. It’s been longer than you thought – the longest you’ve spent as anyone (you may be losing yourself in the role) – and you’re only just beginning to gain their trust, to be allowed into the inner circle of the group. A low-level drug runner and part time Dancer for them, you’ve not gotten the ultimate pay-off yet, the one that will strike the final blow. Zeus circles impatiently, craving each nugget of information. You’ve given her everything you have, chipping at New Olympus piece by piece. In the process, however, you’ve discovered something beyond belief – completely unintentional. You’ve found a conscious. New Olympus aren’t the backstabbing monsters Zeus made them out to be – and Zeus isn’t the hallowed King she likes to parade as either. There’s weakness. New Olympus have been kind, even welcoming – and you’ve started to feel unconscious working against them. Had this been any other role, you long would have taken off – leaving everything else, even yourself, behind. Instinct urges you to do just that, knowing you can’t keep playing both sides forever and dread having to pick one of them. But something else urges you to stay. You’re just not sure which side to stay on. You’d better figure it out fast – before someone else does.