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shirayukiwistalia · 6 years

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Secret Garden

HOLY CRAP I AM SO LATE D: This is pretty rough, but this is my valentine for @theblondeartist! I apologize again for the delay, but I wrote a kid fic of zenyuki. It’s not as romantic as I hoped, but I hope that you like it! Happy late Valentine’s Day!

Can also be read on AO3 here!

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The forest is cool despite the afternoon sun’s radiant glory. It sucks. Dried leaves crackle beneath Zen’s feet as he ducks under a low-hanging branch. Light peeks through the thick canopy, shifting with the slight breeze that makes him wish he’d worn more suitable clothing. The trees seem to go on forever, and he continues onward, no longer aware of how long he’s been walking. Well, that’s fine. He prefers this to being cooped up in the castle surrounded by sycophants who think a ten-year-old can’t see through their sloppy schemes. Prince Zen this, Prince Zen that, one would think that they’d learn from repeated failures to flatter him.

Squinting, Zen sees something that maybe is not a tree in the distance. Finally. The further he goes, the more the hopefully-not-a-tree begins to resemble a building. Picking up the pace, he arrives at a meadow swaying gently under the sun. A small cottage with worn brick walls stands near the tree line. The dirt plot it’s on is overrun with weeds, and a section of the roof is precariously sagging over the left side. Zen starts to approach when a faint melody reaches his ears.

Hand reaching toward his dagger, he inches toward the left, toward what becomes discernable as singing. It’s in a language that he doesn’t understand, but it’s cheerful and sounds nice. However, they’re in a forest near the border of Clarines, so he’s not going to take his chances. With his back pressed to the wall, he peers around the building and spots a small figure kneeling on the ground with their back to him. He can’t see much from this angle, but the person seems to be smaller than him, perhaps a lost kid?

An ominous creak directs his eyes upward, and the sagging roof lowers every so slightly. Zen glances at the stranger, but they don’t seem to notice. A loud pop snaps his attention back up, and the beam holding the roof together bends dangerously.

“Hey, watch out!”

The words leave his mouth before he realizes it, and the stranger spins around as he steps forward. Short hair swings around pale skin as he takes another step, and the beam snaps.

He dives forward, tackling the kid out of the way just as the roof comes crashing down. Wrapping his arms around narrow shoulders, they tumble together into a heap of tangled limbs. His right arm burns as he catches his breath.

“Are you all right?!”

“Ow…”

His eyes snap open when gentle fingers run through his hair. Shockingly green eyes look down at him in worry, but that’s not what makes him stare. Red—redder than he’s ever seen before in his life—hair nearly falls into his eyes as the girl on top of him presses lightly against his scalp.

“I’m okay!” he yelps, face going crimson. “Y-you don’t need to check!”

Her fingers stop, and she lets out a relieved sigh and smiles. “That’s good.”

“Ah, um, can you please…” Zen can’t bring himself to finish and looks away, cheeks still burning.

“Oh!” Her face goes almost as red as her hair. “I’m sorry!”

She scrambles off him as he sits up, and he lets out the breath he’d been holding. He glances at her, and she stares at the spot which now had fallen roof tiles in their place. Realization spreads across her face, and she looks back at him with a smile.

“You saved me. My name’s Shirayuki,” she says. “What’s yours?”

A wayward lecture comes to mind as he stares at her, but there’s only curiosity in her eyes. He doesn’t know why he responds, but he does. “Zen.”

“Thank you, Zen.”

Oh. He likes the sound of that. It’s much better than what the people at the palace call him. Shirayuki’s eyes widen as she gazes at him, and she moves forward to grab his right hand. “You’re hurt!”

Zen definitely does not blush when she touches him again—he does not. She carefully lifts his arm to inspect the scrape on his forearm. He must have gotten it when they were coming to a stop. Shirayuki releases his arm to pull out a jar from her bag. Untwisting the lid, she dips her fingers into the creamy substance before reaching for his arm again. An unbidden memory of an induced fever comes to mind, and he jerks back the moment her hand touches his.

“Ah…” He doesn’t realize what happens until he’s already slapped her hand away. Shirayuki stares at him in surprise but doesn’t make another attempt.

Her gaze softens and she holds out her fingers for him to see. “I’m sorry, I should have asked you first. This is an ointment for cuts and bruises. May I treat your arm?”

“No, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault.” Zen shakes his head and holds out his arm with a smile. “Please take care of me.”

* * *

Zen finds himself at the clearing more than once after that day, and so does Shirayuki. She’s spent the past week exploring the forest and came across the meadow the day he did. Her family runs an apothecary, and she’s been studying medicinal plants in her free time to help them.

“Why won’t they let me help?” She exclaims one day, flopping onto her back with a huff. “It’s not fair. I know what we have and what everything does.”

Zen watches her pout for a moment before lying back onto the grass with her. The clouds roll by lazily as the seconds pass, and the quiet atmosphere of the meadow is broken only by the occasional breeze rustling the leaves. When Shirayuki huffs again, he says, “What do they say when you ask?”

“They say that it’s too dangerous for me to be in the shop.” Shirayuki sighs and turns toward Zen. “Say, Zen? Do you think I’m being selfish?”

He resists the urge to raise an eyebrow and turns to face her. Her straightforward gaze captivates him as she waits for his response. It’s been a long time since someone has looked at him like that.

“Why do you think that?” he asks.

“I’ve been studying plants for a long time, and I know everything that goes on in the shop. But”—she frowns, hands curling into fists—“there’s still a lot I don’t know. Maybe I’m not ready yet.”

“Maybe.”

She stares at him in surprise. “Huh?”

“Maybe it is selfish,” Zen repeats. “They did say no, after all, but you still want to do it.”

“Oh…” Shirayuki deflates a little, so Zen quickly adds, “But that’s not a bad thing.”

“I’m sure if you show them how serious you are about helping, then they’ll understand,” he continues. “They seem like good people.”

A bright smile lights up her face, and she says, “They are. Thanks, Zen.”

Then Shirayuki comes running into the meadow the next day with a huge grin on her face, Zen can’t stop the smile that tugs at his lips.

* * *

“Where are you from, Zen?”

The question makes him freeze, but he forces himself to be remain nonchalant. “The capital. What about you?”

Shirayuki plays with the blades of grass as they sit in front of the cottage. Her notebook lies in her lap, forgotten as she fiddles with the grass. She’d been sketching diagrams of the medicinal grasses earlier but abandoned it after she’d gotten bored. She’s tied back some of her hair today, and to be perfectly honest, it’s pretty cute.

“I’m from Tanbarun,” she says, and Zen’s eyes go wide.

“Really?!” he exclaims, leaning toward her in excitement.

“Um, yes?” She shrinks back from him, bewildered.

Ah. From this distance, he can see each individual eyelash. Cheeks warming, Zen sits back to an appropriate distance. “Sorry, I’ve just never met someone from another country. What are you doing in Clarines?”

“We’re stocking up on plants that are rare back home,” she explains. “This is the first time we’ve come here.”

“Huh.” Zen leans back into his hands and stares up at the sky. He tries to imagine a Tanbarun city, but not even the royal textbooks can conjure up a proper image. “No wonder I couldn’t understand that song you were singing.”

“Y-you heard that?!”

Hm? When Zen glances back to Shirayuki, her face has gone completely red. Her eyes have gone wide as she looks at him in mortification.

“Um…” How can he make this better? “…Sorry?”

She buries her face in her hands with a muffled wail. Oh, he’s done it now. Panicked, he reaches out toward her before realizing that he doesn’t have the faintest idea of what to do. She mumbles something into her palms that he doesn’t catch. After another moment, she lifts her still pink face and looks him defiantly in the eye. “Forget what you heard!”

“What?”

“It was awful, right?” She continues over him, talking so fast he almost can’t make out the words. “Then you didn’t hear anything! You don’t need to apologize because I wasn’t singing that day at all!”

“I didn’t mean—”

“I wasn’t singing, okay?!”

Shirayuki looks so determined that he bursts out laughing. “Sorry, sorry! That’s not what I meant.”

She pauses in her rant to stare at him as he struggles to get his laughter under control. Wiping away what may have been a tear from his eye, Zen takes a deep breath. “I liked it.”

Shirayuki goes crimson again. Why is he so bad at this? He fumbles for something to say, anything to save this conversation. “Um, what language is it?”

“It’s from the group that lives in the mountains of Tanbarun,” she replies, a fondness softening her gaze. “I don’t know what it means though.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve never been there. I’m living with my grandparents, so I guess it’s probably something my parents sang to me a long time ago.”

“Are your parents…” Zen trails off, uncertain whether he should finish that question, but Shirayuki just smiles at him.

“My dad is alive, but he doesn’t live with us,” she explains. “That’s okay though. Grandma says he has his reasons.”

He believes it, based on how happy she looks when she talks about him.

“What’s your family like?” she asks, leaning her chin on her hand.

Oh no. He’s been expecting this question, but he can’t help but panic a little when she actually says it. He doesn’t have his guards with him, and they’re in a secluded place. Even though he’s sure Shirayuki wouldn’t dream of doing something to him, he can’t help the brief fear that shoots through him. Choosing his words carefully, he responds as best he can.

“My mom’s incredible. She’s constantly working and helping everyone.” He remembers late nights where his mother’s quarters are still lit with lanterns despite the rest of the castle going to sleep. He thinks of the small, but truly happy smile that spreads whenever she sees him brings a smile to his own lips.

“She sounds amazing,” Shirayuki agrees. “What about your dad?”

“He’s not here anymore.” An apologetic look appears on her face, but he continues, “It’s all right. It’s been a long time. I have my elder brother too, so I’m happy.”

“What’s your brother like?”

“He can do anything. Anything he wants, he gets. If he doesn’t have the answer, he’ll find one.” He sighs, a wry smile on his face. “I can’t compare to him.”

“Isn’t that okay?”

Zen turns to Shirayuki with a surprised look, but she merely tilts her head in an inquiring manner.

“He has things only he can do, but don’t you do as well?”

“I doubt it. He’s too amazing.” A bitter expression crosses his face. “I don’t know enough to help him.”

“You know, you don’t have to be like your brother.”

“But I can’t help him like this either!”

His outburst takes Shirayuki aback for a moment, and he takes a deep breath. “Sorry.”

“My grandparents are way better than I am at medicine. I don’t have the experience they have.” she says, gazing at the sky. He’s glad for it—it’s easier to talk about this when he doesn’t have to face those straightforward eyes.

“But, I’m able to connect to our patients better than them. It helps us diagnose people faster and give them the right advice.” She continues. “I’m sure that you’re helping your brother in a way only you can, and I’m sure that he knows it too.”

Huh. That… actually makes a lot of sense. He feels a weight lift off his shoulders as he mulls over her words. People around him constantly compare him to Izana. Prince Izana already bested the current sword trainer at his age, Prince Izana had been studying advanced subjects while Zen was learning general education, etc. From the start, he’s never forgotten that he’s not like his brother. And that’s okay.

“Thanks, Shirayuki.”

The smile she gives him is burned into his memory, and he makes a vow to live up to her words.

* * *

Shirayuki stands in the middle of the meadow with her back to him when Zen finally emerges from the tree line. Her shoulders hang low for once, and she stares off into in the distance as he approaches. When she doesn’t notice him, an idea of mischief hits him. He moves slowly, taking care to be as quiet as possible. When he’s nearly upon her, he leans forward next to her ear and says, “Boo.”

Shirayuki shrieks, stumbling over her feet as she spins around and presses a hand to her ear. Zen doubles over laughing, clutching his stomach as she glares at him. Red-faced and scowling, she shouts, “That’s not funny, Zen!”

She’s actually angry. Zen’s mind races for an answer as she huffs at him. He’s made another blunder somehow. A prince of the realm and yet he still can’t figure out how to not upset her. “I-I’m sorry, Shirayuki. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

She glares at him for a moment longer before closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh. Her shoulders fall, and her energy falls with it, leaving behind an exhaustion that settles throughout her body. “I’m sorry, Zen. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Is everything okay?” He takes a seat on the grass and pats the spot next to him invitingly. She plops down heavily with a sigh.

“Not really.”

Shirayuki draws her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them, falling silent. Zen leans back on his hands as he stares up toward the sky. The weather is getting colder, and the sky is almost completely obscured by clouds. Rain must be coming soon.

“…Grandpa’s sick.”

The words are muffled and quiet. He glances at her out of the corner of his eye and sure enough, her face is buried in her arms. He’s never seen her look so small before, and the sight of it tugs at his chest. He doesn’t like the feeling. The thought makes his hand start to reach out for her. A sob escapes her, and he freezes.

“I know that they won’t be here forever, but I don’t want them to go,” she continues with a sniffle. “Dad can’t visit even though he wants to, and I’ve already lost Mom. Why does everyone leave me?”

Her voice cracks at the end of her sentence, and the sound is like a stab in the chest. It’s so wrong, hearing her so despondent. Shirayuki has always been a breath of fresh air, meeting his eyes with a bright and straightforward gaze. What expression does she wear now? Before he can stop himself, he grabs her shoulders, making her look up in surprise.

“Z-Zen?”

Her face is blotchy with tears, and a sniffle interrupts his name as it leaves her mouth. She looks so hopeless and distraught, and his heart clenches at the sight.

“I’ll always be here!” he exclaims, grip tightening on her. “I’ll never leave you!”

His burning gaze meets hers, and she stares at him in shock. After a brief moment, her mouth begins to tremble.

“Pft…”

She bursts out laughing, and unshed tears roll down her cheeks for an entirely different reason. Zen feels his face burn to the tips of his ears. This is definitely not how he thought it’d go, but it’s definitely better than seeing her cry.

“Wh-what?” He stammers out the question as she wipes away the tears while shaking with laughter.

“We live in different countries, Zen!”

Shirayuki manages to get out the words before laughing again, and while his embarrassment does not subside one bit, he feels a smile tug at his lips. He lets go of her shoulders to hand her a handkerchief to wipe the rest of her tears.

“Thanks, Zen.” She smiles and neatly folds the handkerchief. “I’ll wash this before giving it back to you.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to.” She shakes her head at his response.

“No, I want to. It’s only fair.”

“All right.” He nods, and she puts the handkerchief into her bag. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah.” She blushes and looks down. “Sorry you had to see me like this.”

“Don’t apologize. I can’t imagine what it’s like being in your shoes.” He pauses and then adds, “I didn’t say it right, but I want you to know that I’ll always be your friend. If we ever come across each other again, I’ll be there for you.”

Shirayuki lights up at his words, and she smiles at him. She grasps his hands in hers, and he feels his face warm yet again as she looks up at him.

“That means a lot to me. Thank you.” She then grows embarrassed and says, “I… may have gotten ahead of myself. Grandpa only has a minor cold, you see, but he’s always complaining about his age so I just…”

The relief that floods Zen is just as surprising as her reaction to his outburst, but it’s absolutely not unwelcome. He beams at her and returns her grip on his hands just as tight.

“That’s great! I’m happy for you, Shirayuki.”

“I’ll always be your friend too, Zen.” She says. “If you ever come to Tanbarun, come stop by our tavern or apothecary.”

“I will. It’s a promise.”

Zen never tells Shirayuki, but that promise becomes one of many that he carries with him into the future.

* * *

There’s a foreboding feeling that hangs over Zen when he wakes up that morning. It only grows stronger when he’s forced to take a new route to avoid the guards to escape the castle. Yet, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the forest has never looked more beautiful, so why exactly is he feeling this way?

Only the sight of the meadow assuages his feelings somewhat, but there’s no one there when he steps into the grass. He circles the cottage but finds nothing, and an unpleasant feeling grips him at the reality that Shirayuki is nowhere to be found.

Could she have left for Tanbarun already?

He paces back and forth as he tries to recall when she’s supposed to leave but only comes to the awful realization that she has not once mentioned how long she’s to be in Clarines. He’s such a fool—after everything he said last time, they’re parted like this? He didn’t even get to say goodbye!

“What are you doing, Zen?”

Zen jumps and whirls around to see a curious Shirayuki staring at him, and he blushes. He’s gotten way too ahead of himself. “H-Hi, Shirayuki.”

She eyes him for a moment but decides to drop the subject. Holding out her hand, she offers his handkerchief to him. “I’m returning this today.”

“Thanks. I wouldn’t have minded if you kept it though.” He touches the fabric, but when he tries to take it from her, she doesn’t let go. “Shirayuki?”

“Ah!” Seemingly coming back to her senses, Shirayuki quickly lets go of the handkerchief. “Sorry…”

Cold fear grips his heart. “Did something happen again?”

Her eyes widen, and she shakes her head. “No, nothing happened. Sorry for worrying you.”

“Then what’s on your mind?”

Shirayuki bites her lip, and Zen’s concern returns, though not as strong as before. She takes a deep breath and says, “I’m leaving today, Zen.”

Oh. His gut sinks as he processes her words. Even though he’s known from the start that she has a place to return to, it doesn’t make the reality any easier to accept. Still, he’s not about to let his selfish feelings control his actions.

“I see.” He says, careful to keep his voice normal. She frowns a little, and he prays that she hasn’t caught him.

“We’ll always be friends, right?” Upon the words leaving her mouth, she goes pink but continues, “I’ll miss you.”

Warmth floods his chest (and his cheeks), and he smiles at her. “Always. I’ll miss you too.”

She hesitates again, but she manages to get out her next words in a rush. “CanIkeepyourhandkerchief?”

“Sorry, what?”

Shirayuki blushes. “Can I keep your handkerchief?”

“Sure, but what for?” he asks, confused. “It’s not anything special.”

“I know, but… it’s yours.” Despite the embarrassment, she meets his gaze in the straightforward manner he’s appreciated since day one. “I don’t know when we’ll see each other again, so I’d like something to remember you by.”

A smile so wide that it almost hurts breaks out on his face, and he nods. “Of course. I wish I had something better to give you though.”

“That’s okay. This is perfect.” she says, taking the handkerchief from him. “I’ll think of you whenever I use it.”

If he wasn’t red before, he definitely is now. Shirayuki places the cloth into her bag and rummages through it, producing a familiar jar and holding it out to him. He raises an eyebrow, and she says, “For you. To remember me by.”

His fingers brush hers as he takes the ointment jar from her, and the warmth lingers on his fingertips. “Thank you, Shirayuki. I’ll think of you when I use this too.”

She beams at him, and he finds himself desperately hoping to see her again. It doesn’t matter if it takes months or years—he’s determined to meet the girl who always looks him in eye and believes in him.

* * *

“Zen, slow down! You’re too far ahead!”

Zen grins as he jumps over a gnarled tree root. “You’re the one who’s too slow, Mitsuhide!”

It’s been nine years since he last went out on an excursion alone. After returning to the castle that day, he received the longest scolding of his life and then was put under house arrest for the following week. From then on, his guards became more persistent and watched him as closely as possible. Although he’d been able to avoid them, he could no longer leave the castle for long periods of time without someone eventually finding him.

That changed once Mitsuhide and Kiki became his aides. For one, he got much busier. Second, the two of them were scarily good at tracking him down, so now he just takes them with him.

A stone wall stands in front of him as he emerges from the trees. With a burst of speed, he bends his knees and jumps. Grabbing the top of the wall, he goes to vault himself over when a figure enters his vision and startles him. His foot catches on the edge of the wall, and he lurches forward, barely managing to catch himself at the cost of his right arm.

Mitsuhide bursts into the clearing and frantically tries to determine the extent of Zen’s injuries. He teases him while taking note of the hooded stranger who stares at him in surprise. When Kiki joins in on the fun, Zen turns to the stranger.

“So, who are you really?” The stranger jumps at his question. “Just what are you doing in this deep part of the forest?”

“Um, I just left home. I just wanted to take the path that not many people use—”

He interrupts their response by using the tip of his sheathed sword to throw off the hood—and gasps.

The woman in front of him has red hair, a specific shade of red he’s only ever seen on one person before. She looks at him with worried green eyes, but she doesn’t waver and holds his gaze.

“…Shirayuki?” The name falls from his lips before he can stop himself. The woman’s eyes widen.

“Do you know this person?” Kiki asks, stepping forward.

The woman rummages through her bag, and Zen hears both his aides shift to touch their weapons. He holds a hand out and says, “Wait.”

She takes out a clean but worn handkerchief. One that is very familiar to him. She gives him a tentative smile. “It’s been a while, Zen.”

His eyes go wide, and a grin breaks out on his face. Shirayuki’s smile becomes surer, and she relaxes. The moment is broken when her eyes fall onto his arm and widen. “You’re hurt!”

She grabs his hand before he can reassure that it’s just a scratch but then pauses. “Huh. This feels familiar.”

The memory of their first meeting comes to mind, and Zen laughs. “It’s like—”

“—when we first met.” She finishes.

Their gazes meet, and Zen feels warmth rush to his chest. After all these years, he’s finally reunited with her. It almost feels like a dream. They smile at each other, and he knows that she must be feeling the same way.

“Wait, hold on, who is she, Zen?” Mitsuhide exclaims, eyes darting back and forth between them. “How do you know each other?”

“It’s a long story,” Zen says, waving him off. “I’ll tell you guys later.”

“I met Zen when we were young,” Shirayuki supplies. Getting to her feet, she bows to Mitsuhide and Kiki. “My name is Shirayuki. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Now,” she continues, turning to Zen. “Before we talk about anything else, may I treat your arm?”

He holds out his arm with a grin. “Please take care of me.”

Shirayuki’s smile is like the sun, and it hasn’t changed since they were kids. Following her inside the house, he wonders what her life has been like. Being alone in this forest means that she has a story to tell, and he’s eager to find out what it is, whatever it may be. If fate has led them back to each other, then he’s ready to start a new chapter of his life with her.

#ansvalentines2019 #akagami no shirayuki #zenyuki #zen wisteria #shirayuki #writing #sometimes i write things

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whatthehorsedoicallthisblog · 8 years

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7 Days

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, JESS!!!!! @lieutenant-sarcastic I’m your Akagami no Shirayukihime valentine! Whew, boy I’m excited to share this! I saw that your a huge fan of FMAB (same) and figured, hey, this girl likes her angst. This was originally going to be a little drabble, maybe a few pages long. Hahaha...ha...yeah, so much for that. This is RIDICULOUSLY LONG (43 Microsoft Word pages to be exact). My mind just kept going “BUT WHAT IF-” I had to literally stop myself before this became one of those 18 chapter long plots with all the twists and turns and stuff (sorry and you are welcome). So, here we finally are! This was such a pain to edit through, at this point I’m happy to throw it to you. If you want to avoid reading it all on tumblr, I’ll edit this post and put a link to my fanfiction account where it will also be going. I really hope you enjoy this, and have a great valentine’s day!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Summary: Zen’s been very badly injured, and now Shirayuki has to fight against her inner monsters during the seven days that she can visit him.

The extract of the flower still bubbled, only just recently pulled from its flame.

Thanks to her gloves, Shirayuki could only just feel the heat coming from it. She lifted it towards her face until it was eye level. The greenish liquid was slowly turning yellow, but it wasn’t quite there yet. “What do you think, Ryu? Longer? Or do you think that the remaining heat will be enough?”

Ryu put down his clipboard, from which he was studying some instructions from the library’s vast collection of books. “Let me look.” He spoke softly, as always.

His boots barely made a noise as he moved closer to see. “I’d say to heat it just a little more.”

“Got it.” Shirayuki turned, but before she could do anything there was a loud knock on the door.

“Come in.” Shirayuki called. She turned once more to see the door swing open, and to her surprise, King Izana stood there.

“Shirayuki, Ryu.” He greeted politely.

Something was wrong.

Shirayuki wasn’t sure how she could know, but suddenly there was a tightness in her chest. Izana looked no different than the last time she had seen him. His hair was a little longer, his smile was still drawn in that lazy, sly smile. But something felt off.

“You’re Highness?” Ryu greeted and questioned. He dipped down into a bow. Shirayuki couldn’t well mimic her coworker that with her vial of hot extract. She dipped her head instead.

“Pardon my intrusion. Shirayuki, I’m afraid I will have to borrow you for about a week.”

“A-A week? Izana-Your Majesty, what’s happening?”

Izana gave a small sigh then. “My brother.”

“Prince Zen?” It felt as if her heart had turned into a balloon. The balloon was now being squeezed from three different places, causing the skin to stretch as the air was pushed. “What do you mean?”

Izana didn’t miss a beat, but he closed his eyes as he spoke. “I’ve already spoken to your supervisors. They’ve given you the time off.”

“I-I can’t just abandon my work here, Your Majesty. There’s too much to-“

“Zen’s been stabbed.”

The balloon exploded. Shirayuki’s world twisted for a horrifying moment, in which she thought she was going to pass out. A small shatter righted her vision and stopped that moment.

“Shirayuki!” Ryu shouted in warning.

Shirayuki jumped back onto the table, lifting her legs just in time to avoid the hissing extract of a plant spreading across the floor quickly. She swung her legs out, pushing against the table to send her through the air. She landed on the floor just beyond the puddle of broken glass and green liquid. “I’m-I’m so sorry!” Hurriedly, she ran to the cabinet. She pulled open a drawer and grabbed a sponge and a bag. She rushed back to the spill and pressed the sponge to the liquid. She pushed it until the little green square was flat, and then lifted. She watched as the puddle got smaller, the extract absorbing into the sponge. Izana and Ryu studied her as she did this, both looking a little concerned.

The next thing Shirayuki new, she was inside a carriage with the King of Clarines. Time seemed like it had expanded for just a millisecond-right before she spilled the extract. Then, like a rubber band, it had suddenly snapped back to its lax state.

The ride was very bumpy, rolling over a not yet shoveled road. Shirayuki could barely remained seated. Eventually, she gave up on keeping her legs crossed and instead holding onto the cushioned seats with her hands, planting her feet firmly on the floor of the carriage and praying that she wouldn’t be thrown from her perch. Her luggage-a single suitcase-had been sitting next to her, but after four times of it slipping free of the seat she had decided to leave it lying on the floor.

Izana had opened the window, letting the freezing air spin around the inside of the carriage. Shirayuki wasn’t too bothered, but the action made her wonder. He held his head in his hand, chin resting and his blue eyes-so much more distant than Zen’s-scanned the forest they rolled past. Shirayuki pursed her lips at the silence and tried to focus on staying seated. She couldn’t believe she would be gone for an entire week. That would set her behind so much…but her workload was a poor distraction from the anxiety she was feeling. Izana still hadn’t told her any details yet, despite having been in the moving carriage for at least an hour.

She had finished cleaning and barely had enough time to blow out the heating candle before Izana escorted her to her room. He waited for her to pack her belongings, making her feel rushed (she was sure that she would have forgotten something) then shuffled her down to the guards and out the door. She could only wave goodbye to her coworkers and partners as she was herded like a sheep.

Her mind circled back to Zen. She had missed him so much, and now…

The carriage hit another bump. Shirayuki locked her elbows and admired how

Izana simply lifted his head from his hand. She wondered if it helped facing away from the direction they were going.

“He was stabbed when he shoved a knight out of the way.” Izana suddenly spoke.

Shirayuki snapped her full attention to the King. Her heart felt as if it was beating in her throat.

He smiled at her, and it was ether sly or helpless, but it was always hard to detect those kind of emotions from Izana. “This happened because of an uprising-a noble house trying to gain more power over the kingdom. I believe you were already informed about the majority of it-the reason your guard left you.”

Shirayuki nodded. The thin cushion bent under the press of her fingertips. “Yes. Most of it.”

“It’s over now. I thought I could trust Zen to handle this situation, but apparently he’s incapable in that regard.”

Shirayuki bit back a response. She steadied her breathing and thought her words over carefully. “I’m not sure I agree with that, your Majesty.”

Izana’s eyebrow raised.

“You haven’t been to see him yet?”

“I have not.”

“Then the issue was resolved because of Zen’s strength.” Shirayuki turned her head and looked out the window, determined to end the conversation there. She couldn’t well argue with the King, and she was pretty sure in her current state words would fail her.

Izana hummed. But he moved away from the topic. “My brother’s aids are watching him, your guard included. Mitsuhide Lowen has been released, free of any charges. My brother will be in recovery for at least a few months. He doesn’t know we’re coming.”

Shirayuki nodded. “Okay.”

“Do you have any questions?”

“Where will I be staying?” Shirayuki’s arms acted like tethers as the carriage jumped again.

“In the infirmary with my brother. I figured you could lend a hand with some of your knowledge.”

Shirayuki nodded.

“Anything else?”

Shirayuki shook her head. A silence befell them again, Izana waited, but Shirayuki dragged her eyes over to the windowsill. Her mind began to run in those same circles again. *****

When they arrived, Izana stepped out before her and offered her a hand to help her get down. He nodded to the knight holding open the door for them. “Follow me.” He said it casually, throwing the words over his shoulder back to Shirayuki. But she knew they were an order. They had been traveling nearly all day. The sun was lost in a haze of orange light the gray clouds couldn’t touch. The wind had stirred, causing freezing air to ruffle Izana’s warm shawl. Shirayuki pitied the guards who stood for hours at the entrance, ready for anything. This wind sent goose bumps up her flesh, and she was only exposed to it for a few moments.

Izana stepped up to the doorway. The knights both bowed to him, and he gave them a slight wave. He opened the door and held it for Shirayuki.

Shirayuki thought that her head had to be filled with cotton. She thanked the King soundlessly. She clutched her suitcase with both her hands, letting it dangle in front of her. Izana strolled past her, not unkindly, and removed his jacket. He tossed it over his arm and strolled inside, ignoring the women who held her hand out to take it.

Shirayuki kept her jacket on and followed, casting an apologetic look at the women. Shirayuki didn’t want to fall behind the King by taking the time to hand the women her jacket.

Her footsteps felt off, like she was walking to the wrong rhythm. She kept expecting to take a misstep and fall.

“You’re Highness.” A knight greeted at the edge of a hallway. He bowed deeply, then looked up again. He smiled kindly at Shirayuki. “If you’ll follow me.”

Izana nodded. “Thank you.”

They followed the knight down a long corridor. They then turned to the left, dozens of doors passing them until Shirayuki spotted three people at the end of the hallway. Despite the situation, a small graced her lips as Obi, Mitsuhide, and Kiki all bowed to the King. The guard that had escorted them bowed as well and stepped back, holding his own hands patiently in front of himself. The hallway was a little cramped with five people standing in one corner of it, so Shirayuki cast the knight a grateful look as he stepped back a few feet.

“You’re Highness.” Said Mitsuhide. He looked tired, but his stance was upright and ready.

“Greetings. How is he?” Izana asked.

“He’s alright. They haven’t stitched the wound completely yet, they want to make sure it isn’t infected.” Kiki said. Her golden hair glowed in the remaining sunlight coming through the window. “He’s pretty tired, but he’s still awake.”

“I’m going in. Shirayuki, will you be a dear and wait out here until I’m done?”

Shirayuki dipped her head, although it felt as if a part of her had died a little bit at his request.

Izana smiled and opened the door. It swung inwards, so Shirayuki didn’t get a glimpse of what the room looked like. He closed it before Shirayuki heard anything as well.

As soon as it did however, Obi relaxed his shoulders and grabbed Shirayuki’s bag. “It’s good to see you, Miss.”

Shirayuki smiled and moved in for a hug. Obi squeezed her with one arm, his other holding her suitcase. “Are you alright?”

Shirayuki nodded. “Yes. I’m alright. Are you?” She released Obi and looked at Mitsuhide and Kiki. “All of you?”

“Alright.” Mitsuhide affirmed. “We’ve missed you.”

Shirayuki smiled again and wrapped her arms around the blue haired man. “I’m glad to see your name was cleared.”

Mitsuhide laughed. “I’m glad, too.”

Shirayuki released him and looked to Kiki. Kiki wrapped her arms around

Shirayuki before the girl could really make a move to do the same. But she settled her arms around the knight’s back as well. “Are you sure you’re okay, Shirayuki?”

Shirayuki sighed into her shoulder. “Yes. He’s going to be alright, so I’m going to be as well.” She had to put her faith in those words.

Kiki pulled away and gripped her shoulders. She smiled. “I envy your strength.”

Shirayuki scoffed and swiped at the air with her fingers in dismissal.

“How is everyone in Lyrias?” Obi asked.

“They’re good. They kept asking about you and where you had gone.”

Obi smiled. “How thoughtful of them.”

“Did you get pulled from your work?” Mitsuhide asked.

Shirayuki nodded. Kiki released her arms and she stood surrounded by her friends. As they chatted, Shirayuki realized she felt much more stable with them around her. The world seemed less likely to tip on itself.

They spoke for about fifteen minutes about simple nothings, when the door swung open. Izana stood there, smug as ever. “He’ll see you now, Shirayuki. Of course, he doesn’t know you’re coming, but I doubt little surprise won’t kill him at this point.” The three aids to the Prince bowed, and Izana barely cast them another glance as he followed the other guard back out to the lobby.

The door was open just a crack.

“Go ahead.” Mitsuhide smiled reassuringly, patting her on the shoulder. “I think he could use you’re support right about now.”

Shirayuki nodded.

“I’ll watch your stuff.” Obi added.

Shirayuki smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you.”

Shirayuki grasped the cold handle. She pushed the door open and her eyes darted to the wooden floorboards before she could even think about the movement. She watched the door move as if it was the most interesting breakthrough of science known to date, sure to shake the universe. An image of Zen, bleeding, sweating, and his face twisted in pain had appeared in her mind.

It scared her, down to the core.

She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her-or, at least she thought she did. Kiki actually grasped it from the other handle as soon as she let go, seeing how Shirayuki dragged her feet, and closed it properly behind the red-haired pharmacist.

“Shirayuki?” Zen asked.

Shirayuki closed her eyes and shook the image out of her head. It had been so long, she missed looking at Zen. So she lifted her head and stared directly at the Prince of Clarines. To her relief, he didn’t look in pain. He looked shocked, and maybe a little more tired than Mitsuhide. He was shirtless, but a massive white bandage reaching across his chest to hug his shoulder covered most of him. A white sheet rested over his midsection and legs. He was sitting up, a pillow tucked behind his back. His white hair was ruffled and tangled, and he had the reddened look of someone who had been crying or sick. Even so, his blue eyes were just as bright as she remembered. His mouth was parted in shock.

Shirayuki took a few steps forward, her boots creaking on the wood. Zen’s room was bigger than she would have expected, the bed’s headboard pressed against the wall. It wasn’t quite tucked in the corner, most likely so that the medics could have easy access all around Zen. A chair sat in front of the windows, right next to the bed. There was a table with a glass of water and a pitcher of water next to the glass, alongside a set of three candles. The table looked old, but she also spotted a bowl with a cloth folded against the side of it. Otherwise, the room was very barren.

Shirayuki stepped forward towards Zen, her boot creaking on the wood loudly. Then it squeaked, almost in alarm, as she suddenly sprinted towards the bed. Her arms went out and the next thing she knew she had her head buried in the crook of Zen’s neck, her arms tight around his shoulders.

“Whoa!” Zen grunted.

Shirayuki opened her eyes slightly. Her entire body trembled. Her shawl draped over her back, Zen’s legs, and the mattress. Her eyes watered over, her vision immediately obscuring. “I’m-I’m sorry.” She whispered, kind of laughing. “I haven’t…” A tear rolled down her face and she closed her eyes, pressing the top of her mouth against Zen’s skin. “I haven’t been able to cry yet.” More tears came. Shirayuki didn’t sob, she hiccupped and breathed heavily. Zen smelled like antiseptic. His neck was warm and wet, but not with sweat.

Zen’s one arm looped around Shirayuki’s back. Her knees gave out on her and she collapsed to the floor. Zen dipped his forehead down, Shirayuki shifted her arms up father his neck so she wasn’t making him curve his torso to reach her. Izana hadn’t told her where the stab wound was, but based on the positioning of the bandages Shirayuki thought it had to be his lower midsection, most likely on his right side. She felt his other hand reach up and hold her head gently, cradling it. His breath rushed against her neck from this position. His fingers splayed and grasped her shoulders. “Easy, easy.” He soothed. “I’m sorry, Shirayuki. I’m so sorry.”

Shirayuki sniffled. “What are you sorry for?”

“I didn’t mean to worry you like this.” He murmured.

A chill ran down her back. She had missed the sound of his voice desperately. She took a shaky breath.

For at least a good minute, they sat like that. Shirayuki crying into Zen’s shoulder, Zen whispering comforts and apologizes into hers. Finally, Shirayuki untangled her arms and lifted her head. She smiled helplessly, her face not an inch from his. “I’m sorry.”

Zen bent his head and kissed a tear running down Shirayuki’s cheek. Her skin tingled against his lips, which felt feverishly warm. “No, don’t be. I’m so thankful you’re here. I’ve missed you.”

Shirayuki swiped at her opposite cheek with her sleeve, smiling a little even though her heart felt heavy. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Zen released her back. “Here, come sit down. That can’t be comfortable against your knees.”

Shirayuki nodded mutely. She stood and wiped her face on her sleeve as she walked around Zen’s bed to his other side. She pulled the chair closer to his upper body and unbuttoned her shawl. She let it flutter down over the back of the chair, but inevitably it slipped forward and landed behind her in a heap instead. Shirayuki leaned forward and grabbed Zen’s hand. She held it up between her own and pressed her forehead against it. “How do you feel?”

Zen bent his fingers, holding one of her hands. “I’m fine.”

“Please don’t try to make me feel better, Zen.” Shirayuki mumbled. She looked at him sadly. “I wouldn’t do that to you, and you know it.”

Zen nodded. “Yes, you’re right. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I’m in a little bit of a pain. Nothing too serious, but I’m not allowed to take any pain killers.”

“What? Why?”

“I have to be aware. They do give me drugs to make it easier for me to sleep, however.”

Shirayuki immediately started to think of what herbs she had brought with her.

She swiped her face on her sleeve, trying to dry her still damp cheeks. “Maybe I can help with that.”

Zen smiled, and something inside of her sang. She pushed her lips against his thumb. He let out a sigh. “You’re hair has grown a little bit more.”

“Has it?” Shirayuki looked up.

Zen nodded. He gently rubbed his fingers against Shirayuki’s knuckles. “It’s beautiful.”

Shirayuki felt a blush and she glanced down sheepishly. She slipped the hand he wasn’t holding off of his and stretched her arm out. “So has yours, just a little.” She combed her fingers through his hair gently, smoothing out some of the kinks. Zen’s eyes fluttered closed, but he opened them again quickly, looking a little embarrassed. “Izana came to get me earlier today. I’m here for an entire week, without my consent.” Shirayuki mumbled, his eyes captivating. She felt compelled to tell him everything and anything.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Shirayuki. I didn’t mean to-“ He was cut off as Shirayuki ran her hand down the side of his face and put her finger over his lips. She stood from the chair and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

He felt warm against her lips-now Shirayuki was worried about a fever.

Nonetheless, she pulled back and stared into his eyes. “I would have stayed a month.”

Zen puffed out a sharp breath of air as she removed her finger. “If only you could.”

Shirayuki smiled and put her forehead against his. She still held his hand tightly in her other. “I would have come as soon as I got word anyways.”

“Izana was the one who told you?” Zen asked.

Shirayuki nodded. “He startled the living daylights out of me.”

Zen visibly shivered. The sunlight in the room sent yellow spots dancing over the dark walls of wood. Shirayuki had hoped seeing him would help calm her internally, but she still felt like she was on the verge of tears. She still felt unsteady with worry. He was talking, moving, breathing fine, but the flood of fear was still steadily rising. The wave had hit, but the water levels were not going down. “If it’s any consolation, he did scare me as well. I knew he would visit, but not so soon. And I didn’t think he would bring you.”

“I’m glad he did.” Shirayuki murmured. She pulled her head back and studied Zen’s face. Then she moved closer, and Zen closed his eyes. She pressed her lips against his, her eyes drifting shut as well.

It wasn’t a long kiss, and by Shirayuki’s standards not their finest, but in that little moment she suddenly stopped feeling as if time was going to stop and expand again. She felt more at peace, less worried about what might happen. Her stomach settled. It was pure magic, in Shirayuki’s eyes.

She lifted her lips and sat back down. Again, the fear surged around her wildly and hauntingly. She held Zen’s hand with both of hers to make it a little easier to bare.

“I needed that.” Zen sighed, then he blushed and smiled, averting his gaze.

“I needed it, too.” She agreed softly.

The world bent around them for a half an hour, where they talked in soft tones and held onto each other, until the sun lowered and sent a harsh glare into the room. Zen winced and closed his eyes against the rays. Shirayuki felt the hot light touch the back of her head. “I’ll get the curtains.” She started to stand, but Zen squeezed her hand and didn’t let her go.

“Wait.” He murmured.

Shirayuki sat back down. Zen kept his eyes closed. Shirayuki tried to angle her body so she could act as a shade, but she was just a little too short.

“I’m supposed to be bed ridden for at least a few weeks. I want to still be able to feel the sun.” Zen admitted, eyes still shut. He tilted his head back with a content smile. The sun made his white hair glow and his skin seemed tanner.

Despite his blissful appearance, Shirayuki still gave a sympathetic wince. Zen loved being outside. The fact that he couldn’t move from his bed would not be an easy thing to cope with for him. Zen loved being outside. Shirayuki leaned down slightly and pressed her mouth against Zen’s hand. He lifted his head but kept his eyes shut, the sun still very much in his eyes.

“I’ll be here for an entire week.” Shirayuki blurted. “If you need me, please don’t hesitate to call, okay?”

Zen nodded. “Right.”

There was a knock on the door. Shirayuki stood, finally managing to block the sun so Zen could open his eyes. “Come in.” Zen called.

Shirayuki started to briskly untangle her hand from Zen’s. Zen met her eyes, but nodded in understanding and slipped his fingers free as a knight came in. From the doorway, Obi made a funny looking face at them and Mitsuhide frowned at him.

Shirayuki sucked in a deeper breath through her nose than usual. The monsters on the walls danced around in circles, silent. They knew they didn’t need to speak. Their presence was all Shirayuki needed.

You can’t control me.

“Prince Zen, sir. I apologize to disturb you. But the King has requested I escort Miss Shirayuki to her room for dinner. I’ve also been informed that your dinner is being prepared as we speak, Your Highness.” The knight bent his waist at a perfect 90 degree angle as he spoke.

Behind him, Obi mockingly bent his wrist so his hand stuck straight out while his forearm made it another 90 degree angle.

Shirayuki smiled softly, the monsters hesitating for a moment. She turned and grasped her shawl from the chair, draping it over her arm.

“That sounds excellent. Thank you.” Zen spoke confidently and his voice was stronger as he addressed the knight. He turned to face Shirayuki. She noticed his fingers reach up for her hand, but he pulled his hand away before they touched. “And thank you, as well. I’ll see you tomorrow?” His voice lowered again.

Part of Shirayuki wanted to shake her head and insist that they see each other again right after dinner. But she swallowed the urge and nodded. “Tomorrow.”

Zen dipped his head gratefully.

“If you’ll follow me, Miss.” The knight said, still bowing.

Obi mouthed How long is he going to stay like that?

Shirayuki bit down hard on a giggle and walked around the bed to the knight, stopping in front of him. “Thank you.”

The knight finally rose. He offered his arm and Shirayuki took it. As she was led out, she twisted back to look at Zen. He smiled at her, and Shirayuki forced herself to believe he was going to be fine.

DAY 2

Shirayuki didn’t mean to, but she slept in the next day. She woke drearily, and for a moment didn’t recognize where she was. She was staring at a small bedside table, already disastrously messy.

She rolled over and stared up at the little lantern hanging from the ceiling. All of a sudden her heart felt like it had jumped up into her throat and she nearly choked.

She remembered where she was. She sat up, pushing away the blanket. She had been up late the night before, trying to work out if she could make a poultice that could ease Zen’s pain without causing him to be drowsy. Last night hadn’t been successful, and she had thrown herself into bed very angrily. As she slipped her bare feet down off the bed and onto the carpet, she realized she had left all of the medicinal herb books this infirmary had to offer her at various points throughout the little room.

Shirayuki groaned and pushed her hair out of her face. She looked at the wall clock, and her heart dropped. It was nearly one o clock, there was hardly any day left!

She stood and found her luggage. She hadn’t unpacked any of it, save for the few herbs she brought and the one book she had thrown in last second. She searched for some fresher garments and her hairbrush. Rushing to dress, she hopped around the room closing books and trying to set them into a tower so she wouldn’t be stepping on them. The pile started at the end of her bed, and slowly grew until she was sure she had them all.

Shirayuki decided to tie up her hair, and as she was doing that there was a knock on the door. “Oh, coming!” She called. She finished her hair quickly and smoothed her dress. Upon her first step forward however, her tower of books collapsed sideways. She winced at the noise.

“Everything alright, Miss?” Obi called.

Shirayuki let out a sigh. “Fine.” She decided to leave her mess as it was and went to open the door for her friend. “Morning.”

Obi cocked his head. “It’s the afternoon, miss.”

Shirayuki sighed and rested her head against the doorframe. She felt a few strands of her hair slip down from her tied ponytail. “Not for me. I’ve just woken up.”

Obi blinked. “You? You never sleep in.”

“I’ve usually got work to get me up. I was just up late trying to make something to help Zen out.” Shirayuki rubbed her eyes. “How is he?”

Obi sighed. “Not that great. Today was tough, they think the wound might have been infected.” The aid’s eyes went downcast, his fingers clenching into fists. “It wasn’t the cleanest sword.”

She straightened sharply. Shirayuki thought she might throw up, even with nothing in her stomach but last night’s dinner and Obi right there. “Infected? Are they sure?”

“They’re making sure now. I was sent to make sure you got some food, and that you knew what was happening.” Obi lifted his gaze and scanned her worriedly.

Shirayuki was worried what he might see. She pressed her hands over her face, feeling her eyes water. The horrible monsters were back, and this time they didn’t remain quiet. They whispered to her, their voices sounding like nails on a chalkboard.

Obi grasped her shoulders. “Hey, he’ll be okay.”

His voice helped quiet the others, but only by a little. She nodded, keeping her face hidden. “Sorry. This is tough for you, too.” Shirayuki hiccupped. Internally, she cursed as tears began to fall. Infection was the worst thing in the world for something like a stab wound. Zen would be in so much pain-it would be a much harder battle now. And still no pain killers.

Obi heard her sniffling and pulled her into his chest for a hug. Shirayuki finally let go of her face to hug him back. “We’ll be alright, miss.”

Shirayuki nodded. “I know. You love Zen too.” Obi laughed but didn’t deny it. He squeezed Shirayuki then let her go. “We should get some food into you.”

Shirayuki wiped at her face and nodded. “Do you think you can get away with me? I want to go see what kind of herbs are around here. Maybe there’s something that can help me.”

Obi smiled. “It would be my pleasure.”

Shirayuki tried to go see Zen. It was just past dinnertime, and Shirayuki still hadn’t perfected just the right medicine to keep Zen’s senses aware while also taking away his pain. Obi had tried to help, but she was working with limited resources and Obi knew it. Their venture into the forest may not have offered any herbs that could do the trick, but they did give her an idea. Shirayuki had one plan in her head, but she agreed to pause it to get some food. Then, during dinner, the monsters had really yelled in her ears. She felt a massive tug in her chest and she almost broke down again. The vision she had seen yesterday when she first opened Zen’s door came back, this time with sound. Her food went cold and she could only nibble at it.

So she came to the door and looked at Mitsuhide. “Can I go in to see him?” Mitsuhide pursed his lips. “We were told not to let anyone see him…” He looked at Kiki.

Kiki scanned her eyes down the hallway. “But you aren’t just anyone.”

Shirayuki let out a grateful grin. She was never more thankful for her friends.

“If he’s sleeping, try not to wake him. If he’s awake, don’t let him move or anything.” Mitsuhide said it in a worried whisper.

“She’s an herbalist, Mitsuhide. She’ll know what not to do.” Kiki scorned. She smiled at Shirayuki. “We’ll come get you when the coast is clear again.” Shirayuki gave Kiki another quick hug before opening the door as silently as she could.

The first thing she heard was his ragged breath. Her heart turned and the monsters laughed. But she saw him turn his head to face her, and a small smile managed to twitch its way onto his lips and stick. She smiled back and closed the door. Someone had moved the chair to the opposite side of the bed, next to the table. She sat down in it hurriedly, in fear of her legs giving out.

Zen had been given fresh bandages and it looked as if he had recently been washed. His hair was damp, and Shirayuki was pretty sure it wasn’t all from sweat. His chest rose and fell heavily, breathing through his mouth.

“Shirayuki…” He barely even said it.

“Hey.” She smiled softly. She reached up and gently ran her fingers down Zen’s cheek. His head was dead center a freshly fluffed pillow, but he didn’t seem too comfortable. He closed his eyes at her touch.

“So-Sorry you have…have to see me like-this.” He gasped the words, one of his hands clutching at the mattress.

“You’re in a lot of pain.” Shirayuki frowned. “This is so cruel. Why can’t you just be allowed to rest?”

“They’re-they’re giving me some in a little bit, so I can sleep.” Zen swallowed and blew air out of his mouth.

Shirayuki ran her hand down to his neck, which was very warm and sweaty. She turned to see that the bedside table still had a bowl and a washcloth. She took her hand away and dipped the cloth in the cool water of the bowl. She wrung it out then brought it over to Zen. He closed his eyes as she wiped his neck off gently, then moved around his face. “They should give you some now, that won’t just knock you out.”

“I’m not going to ar-argue.” Zen shivered visibly.

“Do you want the blanket?”

“No, too hot.” His voice was wobbly. He opened his eyes again as Shirayuki brought the washcloth back to the bowl. “Thank you.”

Shirayuki shook her head soundlessly and soaked the cloth a little more. She wrung it out again, then lied it across Zen’s forehead. She reached down and grasped Zen’s hand, feeling less like the world was laughing at her with her fingers intertwined with his. He squeezed her hand, a little tighter than usual, but Shirayuki didn’t care. She kept hold of it and tried to silence the monsters. Zen huffed out every breath as if the air was toxic. His other hand kept ghosting towards his waist, but he never touched his skin. “I’m sor-sorry you have to see me like-like this.” He rasped again.

Shirayuki shook her head again and squeezed his fingers. “If you need anything, let me know.”

Zen smiled, though it was painful. “You’re too good to me.”

Shirayuki scoffed.

They fell into a silence-but not like the silence yesterday, where the sun was warm and their hands were resting together. This silence was filled with Zen’s gasping breath and he alternated from squeezing her hand unconsciously to consciously making an effort to stop himself. Someone had closed the curtains, a fact that made Shirayuki frown. But she didn’t move from her seat, she was too scared to let go of Zen-even for only a few moments.

But in the end, it really was only for a few moments at his side. Mitsuhide knocked on the door and poked his head in apologetically. Shirayuki pulled herself away from Zen, and this time, she thought her own shadow was one of the monsters. They stood on the wall, shouting at her as she walked away from the door and down the hallway back to her own room. She shivered and shot them a glare, even though she couldn’t really see them.

She was more determined than ever now-she would find the perfect medicine to stop Zen’s pain without making him sleepy or dreary. A tear ran down her cheek and she wiped it before anyone that was working saw it.

She had to.

She couldn’t bare this.

DAY 3

She only avoided sleeping in again the next day because of Kiki knocking on her door. The knight apologized for waking her, but Shirayuki didn’t mind. She had come so close last night, but recreating the effects of the one plant she needed that didn’t grow near her was a puzzle she was no good at solving. Her idea had been squashed.

Kiki waited outside for her to get changed then led her towards the front entrance, where Obi and Mitsuhide were waiting for the girls so they could all go on a lunch date, just to get away from the hospital. A monster tapped her on the shoulder about this and cackled in her ear. She shrugged it away and nodded.

She agreed it would be nice to get out of the stuffed, medicine smelling air of the infirmary. She tried to give a warning glance to the monsters, to stay in the hospital and wait for her there, since they were so insistent on bothering her.

It was hard to tell if they had listened or not.

Mitsuhide had picked the restaurant. It was a quaint little place, which Shirayuki expected. They weren’t near any cities, and so of course business was slow and easy going. Shirayuki realized as they were seated with a jolt that only a select few knew that Zen had been stabbed. She suddenly felt as if she had entered a sort of bubble. Being let in on such a dangerous secret like that could definitely isolate anyone.

Obi flicked open his menu with an extra bit of flair. “I swear, knights don’t get enough breaks. This was not worth it.” But he said it with a silly grin.

Mitsuhide opened his menu and began scanning the items. “It’s a full time job. I thought you knew that already.”

Obi gave an over exaggerated sigh. “I was never given the guidebook, Mitsuhide.”

Shirayuki giggled. She did feel a little better. The monsters were gone, but the air felt tight. She felt like something in her was stretched out to the limit. If she were to go any farther, it would snap. She stared at her menu, but her stomach was twisting in odd knots. Shirayuki thought for a moment. When had she last eaten? She had skipped dinner, so it must have been when Obi had taken her to get some lunch. She should be starving.

There. She heard a wisp of a monster’s laugh.

A chill ran through her.

“Are you too cold next to the window?” Mitsuhide asked from across from her. Curse his sharp eyes.

“Oh, no. I’m fine.”

Mitsuhide frowned. “Obi, you should switch places with Shirayuki.”

Obi shrugged. “Fine by me.” He started to slide off his chair.

Shirayuki grabbed his sleeve. “No, I’m really fine where I am.” Shirayuki couldn’t even feel any cold coming from the glass, although she probably should have been able to. Lyrias had helped her get used to the negative temperatures. “I promise.”

Kiki studied her. “Are you alright, Shirayuki?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” She said it a little louder than usual. Her friends all stared at her disbelievingly. She slumped her shoulders. She opened her mouth to start to talk, but closed it when she felt Obi press his hand on her forehead.

“You don’t feel like you’re getting sick.”

“That’s the last thing we need.” Mitsuhide breathed a sigh of relief.

Kiki scowled. “She was about to explain, Obi.”

Obi retracted his hand. “Sorry!” He put both his hands up, palms facing Kiki.

“Go on, Shirayuki.” Kiki encouraged.

Shirayuki smiled, and the monsters were quiet. “I was going to say I’m just tired. I was trying to find a way to make it so Zen could have some pain relief without making him drowsy.”

Mitsuhide and Kiki blinked. “What?” Mitsuhide asked.

“There’s a certain plant that can do that, but it doesn’t grow in these colder parts. I was trying to recreate the effects.”

“Why?” Mitsuhide asked, looking dumbfounded.

“Um…because Zen’s in pain and he’s not allowed to take any pain killers?” Shirayuki blinked. Did Zen not tell Mitsuhide and Kiki that?

Kiki and Mitsuhide exchanged a concerned glance. “Did Zen tell you that himself?” Kiki asked.

Shirayuki nodded. “Obi knew, too.”

Obi looked a little concerned at his fellow knights confusion. “Yeah. I asked the guards and they said because Zen’s the first Prince he has to be ready for anything.”

Mitsuhide groaned and pushed his head back, while Kiki sighed and rolled her eyes. “I guess that’s the rule, then.”

“I thought he was just being stubborn and refusing to take it. I didn’t know that it wasn’t allowed!” Mitsuhide groaned.

“Oh.” Shirayuki looked at Obi. “I bet they told you, expecting you to tell Mitsuhide and Kiki.”

Kiki and Mitsuhide directed their glares onto Obi. Obi put his hands up again. “Hey now, I didn’t know!”

Mitsuhide sighed. “I’ll talk to the head of the infirmary about that, Zen’s in too much pain to be aware of anything anyways.” He looked up at Shirayuki. “You shouldn’t be working yourself so hard like that. Please don’t worry yourself.”

Shirayuki started shaking her head before he even finished his sentence. “I’m not overworking or anything, and it’s an interesting challenge.”

“Still, I’m sure I can get Zen some pain-killers. I’ll do it when we get back, you should focus on getting some rest.” Mitsuhide insisted.

Shirayuki still wasn’t convinced, but she just smiled, knowing that she wasn’t going to be able to stop herself. The challenge was a way to block out the monsters. She could stop hearing their voices by losing her mind in the natural, solid earthen plants. One monster taunted her, that if Zen got his pain killers, she would be left with nothing but to listen to them. She determinedly sat straighter, thinking that she would help out around the hospital instead if her efforts really were for naught.

“So, in other, lighter news, they have a dessert menu.” Obi pointed out the small little section to the rest of the table.

“Do you really think we have time for dessert?” Mitsuhide asked.

“If we eat fast, we’ll have time for a round of drinks while we’re at it. Everyone decided?” Obi asked, putting his menu on the table.

While Mitsuhide scolded Obi, Shirayuki quickly looked over the menu. Nothing looked too appealing, she just wasn’t hungry enough. But she determinedly read through the ingredients of a sandwich, looking for foods she knew she liked. Still, she could feel the tiny monster’s breath rushing over her ear as it cackled.

Shirayuki returned to her bedroom and properly cleaned. Then, she jumped on the bed and pulled the covers over her head. In the secret world that existed under the massive brown blanket, the light was turned a slight amber and heat circulated before the air. The world was quiet, the monsters knowing where she was but only smiling. They were so cruel. She couldn’t see them, but she felt their grins. Their grins made her shoulders shake and her eyes water.

She thought of Zen when she first got here, smiling at her and closing his eyes as the sunlight highlighted his face. Then she thought of him the next day, sweating and breathing heavily, his face twisted in pain.

The monsters laughed at her.

A sob rolled from her throat and pushed out of her lips, so she pressed her head down into her knees to muffle herself. Tears leaked from her eyes and rolled down her face with incredible speed, hitting her dress and dotting the dark, warm fabric with dark spots. She closed her eyes against the amber light. Her body shook with fear, but not for herself. She wanted to scream, wanted to run to the other side of the infirmary where he was lying, most likely in pain. But she clenched her teeth and grasped at her elbows, most of all just wanting the monsters to stop.

Later that day, she went to visit Zen again after her improvised dinner of a cooked potato and bread. It was late, and Zen was given medicine to help him sleep. But Shirayuki still wanted to go see him, so she resigned herself to a quieter, peaceful night.

Kiki and Mitsuhide smiled at her. The light was basically gone, just a glow of orange far away on the horizon hidden by forest. The candles in the hallway had been lit. Time felt like it was stretching out again. “Hey.” Shirayuki whispered to the guards. She wasn’t sure why she had the urge to be quiet, but it wasn’t just her.

“Hey.” Mitsuhide responded in just as low as a voice. “Zen’s about ready to pass out, are you sure you want to see him now?”

Shirayuki nodded. She wanted to see him at least once today.

Kiki dipped her head. “Then go right ahead.” She opened the door for Shirayuki and stepped back.

Shirayuki thanked them both and walked inside. For a second, she thought Zen was already asleep, but as he heard the door close, he turned his head. There were no lights in the room, but Shirayuki could just barely see the color of his eyes and his hair. Thankfully, there wasn’t any ragged breaths this time.

“Shirayuki?” Zen asked. “Is that you?” His voice was low as well. Shirayuki walked up, her boots loudly clacking against the wooden floors. She winced at the noise, but kept her pace steady. Zen was already lifting his hand for her.

Shirayuki smiled at that and tangled her fingers with his. “Hi. I’m sorry I couldn’t come earlier.” She had been working on her poultice when she had gotten a knock on the door. One of the employees wanted her to come help him with an herb gathering, and the next thing she knew, she was discussing the usages of the one plant that grew in the area that was previously thought to be useless. The monsters hadn’t bothered her until she saw the clock, where they must have sped up time. Then they taunted at her for not being able to see Zen. Luckily, Obi assured her she still had time.

‘S’okay.” Zen whistled the‘s’ sound. He winced. “Sorry, they gave me medicine already.”

Shirayuki giggled. “I know. I don’t mind.”

“Will you see me off?”

“Where are you going?” She blinked, confused and a little worried.

Zen blinked at her. “To sleep?”

She laughed. “That was my fault. Yes, Zen. I’ll see you off to sleep.”

Zen smiled and closed his eyes. “Thank goodness.”

“How do you feel?” She asked. She was a little amused, and the monsters couldn’t touch her like this.

Zen let out a large yawn that made her want to yawn. She swallowed it back and waited. “I’m alright. Just numb. And tired.”

Shirayuki nodded. “Better than yesterday?”

“No, today was rough. But now it’s okay.”

Shirayuki swallowed the lump in her throat. I should have been there with him.

She squeezed his hand, not really thinking about it, but he looked at her oddly. “Are you okay?”

Shirayuki was hoping less and less people would ask this. She hoped no one would anymore. She opened her mouth to promise that, yes, she was doing great. But that wasn’t the truth, and they had promised to never keep anything hidden from one another. She sighed. “I’m just worried, anxiety is eating me.”

Zen laughed. “Anxiety can’t eat you!”

Shirayuki laughed too, loving this somewhat silly Zen that couldn’t quite understand her. “It was just a metaphor!”

He nodded. “I know, I know.” He let out a heavy sigh, and his smile faded. “Oh. Twitch of pain there.”

Shirayuki frowned and stared at the sheet lying over his chest. That big breath shouldn’t have given him any pain.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” He squeezed her hand for her attention. “It’s gone now.” He smiled. His eyes were sort of narrowed. His chin kept dropping.

Shirayuki tried to pull a smile back onto his face. When Zen yawned and blinked sleepily, the smile managed to curve naturally. “You should sleep.”

“I will. But…But I wanna talk to you more.”

Shirayuki giggled. She reached her hand up and ran her hand down his cheek. The curtain of night was falling over them as softly as Shirayuki was touching Zen’s skin. She could feel his pulse through his cheek. It was slow and steady, just how she liked it to be. “We can talk more tomorrow.”

Zen pouted and blew air up his face, sending some strands of his hair upwards. “Okay.”

Shirayuki smiled and smoothed his misplaced hair down again.

“That feels good.”

“Yeah?” She needed no more prompting. She combed her fingers through the strands of his hair gently, pulling out the knots with little resistance.

Zen let out a sigh and seemed to sink into the bed a little more. His eyes closed. Encouraged, Shirayuki kept going. She let his hand slip free of hers and watched as he gently settled it on the blanket. His chin dropped. Just as soon as she was sure his breathing was going to slow, his eyes opened and he groaned, nearly rolling over. Shirayuki thought fast and grasped his shoulder, holding him still. “Zen?” She asked, her heart pounding.

He scrunched his face up, then after about three heartbeats he relaxed. He looked at Shirayuki again. “Sorry. Just got another little bit of pain.”

“What kind of painkillers are you on? Do you know?”

Zen shook his head. “I can’t remember the name.”

Shirayuki’s mind whirled with possibilities. “Did you have to drink it?”

He nodded.

That only limited the choices a small amount. “Is the pain gone now?”

Zen nodded. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Shirayuki brushed her hair behind her ear. “It’s alright.”

“The pain thing is normal, I get this every night.” Zen promised, looking at her sleepily.

Shirayuki reached up and brushed his hair to the side. Her fingertips made a line against his forehead. “When does it stop?”

“I don’t remember.” He sighed through his nose and looked apologetically at Shirayuki.

Shirayuki’s heart squealed. She couldn’t help herself. She stood from the chair and bent over. She kissed his cheek.

Zen blushed.

Shirayuki sat back down. She ran her fingers through his hair again, this time not taking care to brush in the direction it was going. She instead pushed her fingers up across his scalp, bending his white locks the other way. His hair felt like silk.

She watched as he closed his eyes again.

“Shirayuki?” He asked, his voice quiet.

“Yes?”

“Could-Could you sing to me?”

She paused. “Sing?”

“You don’t have to.” He opened his eyes again and smiled, still a little red in the cheeks. “I know it’s embarrassing for you.”

Shirayuki certainly was feeling her ears get hot. “Um…”

Zen shook his head slightly. “Like I said, you don’t have to. It’s alright. I want you to be comfortable.”

Shirayuki never understood why Zen enjoyed her singing so much. As far as she was concerned, her voice wasn’t all that great. She continued to push her hand through his hair before she pulled it free. She smiled at how it stood up on its own, making his head look a little bit bigger. She smoothed it back down and sat down on the chair again. They were sitting in almost complete darkness now. She thought about it, then crossed her leg and took a breath. She closed her eyes. She started to sing.

Something simple, just a sweet little lullaby her grandmother used to sing to her when she was young. The song spoke of how the stars were formed, when two lovers were separated by their families to different sides of a mountain. However, they often slipped out to see each other, finding the best ways to navigate the mountain paths. Each meeting they managed, a star formed in the sky. On their 83rd meeting, they were caught. The couple fought desperately against their families as they were ripped physically apart. But as they both screamed their love for each other, the sky suddenly exploded with millions of these stars. The families, so awed by the sudden sight, released the pair. The couple rushed into each other’s arms, sobbing with relief. They cared nothing for the wonder that had just befell the entire world and illuminated the darkness. They had each other, and they gave each other the light to make the newly born ashamed.

Shirayuki wasn’t even sure she remembered all the words, but by the time she finished, she looked up to see Zen fast asleep. His face was facing her, eyes closed and mouth parted as he breathed evenly. Shirayuki smiled and looked for her monsters. But they weren’t there. She stood quietly and gently caressed Zen’s cheek once. He murmured, but didn’t wake.

She turned and walked back out of the room, feeling more relaxed than she had been in a while.

DAY 4

Shirayuki woke early the next day, having decided to actually head to bed at a different time. She was determined to find out what painkillers they were giving Zen. Those flashes of sudden pain only to disappear suddenly made her worry. Were they giving him a lower dose for the same reason he wasn’t allowed to have pain killers during the day?

She dressed in another warm winter dress. As she did, she realized that she might be in desperate need of laundry already. She had forgotten something-enough clean clothing to last her the week. She hadn’t seen Izana at all since the first day. She wondered if he had already left. After only fifteen minutes of seeing his little brother after he had been stabbed?

Shirayuki mused this to herself as she brushed through her hair. She couldn’t blame Izana, he was King of an entire country after all. But still, the thought didn’t sit right with her. She left her hair down, feeling a little too mentally exhausted to really try anything special with it.

A chill ran down her back.

The monsters were still back. They had bothered her through the night, and in her sleep they taunted her with horrifying images of Zen getting stabbed. Now, they reformed on the walls and within her shadow, the mirror and on her back. She wanted to curl up under her blanket again, where they couldn’t touch her. But she refused to be their pawn. She took a few months to simply breathe, and the monsters hesitated. She held her head high and marched out of her room with a goal in mind, and questions planned in her head.

The clear was finally given to allow Prince Zen some painkillers. Shirayuki was studying the ingredients that was in Zen’s sleeping juice, as the staff was calling it. She had found that some of their stock was too stale to have its fullest potency. She worked with the staff then to go for a gathering, which was cut short when thunder rumbled in the distance.

They started to liquidize the plant’s rich juices for later tonight, Shirayuki working right alongside the hospital team. It was within those hours the rain started.

Shirayuki looked outside, pausing in her work to stare as the droplets slipped down against the glass. There was some monsters, standing out in the rain. They grinned at her, tapping against the glass and pushing the droplets downwards.

Shirayuki felt a chill as one made a stabbing motion into itself and the others laughed.

She clenched her fists and turned away sharply. How smug can you really be? I’m dry and warm, while you are stuck in the cold winter rain. You have no power. She took a deep breath and looked back to the window.

Another hospital member blocked her view. He asked her a question on the plant she was working with. She hesitated, then answered as her mind clicked back to her work.

She went to see Zen as soon as the sleeping juice was ready. When she got there, she saw Obi was the only one guarding. He waved his hand in greeting. “Afternoon, miss.”

“Hi, Obi.” Shirayuki greeted. “How’s Zen?”

A grin started to slip over the guard’s face. “Oh, he’s…great.”

Shirayuki cocked her head. “What’s that face for?”

Obi shook his head. “They gave him the painkillers earlier. He’s been spouting nothing but crazy talk all day.”

Shirayuki couldn’t help smiling. “I’d rather have him being crazy than being in pain.”

Obi nodded in agreement. “He’s even a little forgetful-he actually asked Mitsuhide who he was.” Obi chuckled. “Mitsuhide is trying not to feel hurt.”

Shirayuki smiled. “Where is Mitsuhide? And Kiki?”

“The King wanted to talk to them.” Obi stretched.

“Izana? Izana’s still here?” Shirayuki blinked. “I thought he’d left.”

Obi shook his head, then made a face. “Well, technically. But he’s back today.”

Shirayuki nodded. “Oh, I get it.” She wasn’t sure why it hadn’t occurred to her that Izana would come back. The truth was, Izana would most likely be back to visit Zen more than she would have been. Then she gasped. “He came back just as Zen was on painkillers!” Horrifying images of Zen trying to argue with his brother while he slurred words and the world titled in his eyes popped into her head.

Obi laughed and put his hands up. “Calm down, miss. Izana saw Zen before the pain really set in. So, they talked before Zen went nuts.”

Shirayuki breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good. What did Izana want to talk about with Mitsuhide and Kiki?”

Obi shrugged. “Not sure, but I don’t think anything good.”

Shirayuki pursed her lips. A monster cackled from down the hall. Shirayuki refused to acknowledge it. “Can I go see Zen?”

“Sure, but be careful. He’s not allowed to move, and the drug has made him a little bleary-eyed.” Obi opened the door for Shirayuki, moving in to look for himself. “Master?” He called, softly. “You have a visitor.”

Obi put his hand on Shirayuki’s back and gently sent her forward. He winked at her once and then closed the door behind her.

Shirayuki rolled her eyes at the closed door, then looked over to Zen.

He was lying down still, looking bored out of his mind. He had his arms lifted, and looked like he was counting his fingers.

This image alone was enough to make Shirayuki giggle. She walked over, her boots loud against the wooden floors. Zen turned to face her in surprise. Shirayuki smiled, and watched as his eyes lit up. “Shirayuki!” He cried out, happily. He flung his arms open. He started to lean forward and Shirayuki jumped.

“No! Zen, wait, wait-wait!” She ran forward and gently grasped his shoulders, pushing him back so he was lying down once again. “You can’t sit up.” She scolded gently. A monster laughed at her efforts in the corner. She shivered and looked down at Zen, focusing on him.

Zen put his arms on her shoulders in return. He pouted, a lot like a little kid would. “I wanted a hug.” He complained.

Shirayuki smiled. “You can have one, I just don’t want you to move.”

Zen blinked, then smiled. “Okay!” He released her shoulders and held his arms open.

Shirayuki tried her best not to laugh as she lowered herself down and held his shoulders more than really hugged him. She didn’t want to pull his body forward, so she let it be a little awkward on her end. Meanwhile, Zen wrapped his arms around her upper back and pressed his nose into her shoulder. “I missed you.” He muttered into her dress sleeve.

Shirayuki could feel how hot her ears were. The pillow was resting on her forehead. This was not the most comfortable of positions, but she supposed it could have been worse. “I missed you too, Zen.” She murmured.

Zen let out a content sigh and let her go. She sat up, her hands on either side of his head. Her hair slipped off her shoulder and tapped against Zen’s cheek. “Oh, sorry.” She said, lifting herself off the mattress and sitting on the chair still faithfully by his bed.

Zen reached up with his hand and gently pulled her hair forward again, running his fingers along it. “I’ve missed your hair.” He slurred. “It’s gotten so long.”

Shirayuki was tense, but she told herself to relax as he twirled the strand around his finger.

He looked at her. “I should stop. I’m making you umcoffeetable.”

Shirayuki blinked. “Uncomfortable?” She gently corrected, not sure if that was even what he said.

Zen nodded sadly and pulled his hand back.

“Oh, Zen-no. Not really, it was fine, really.” Shirayuki promised. She reached for his hand, but hesitated.

He sighed and met her eyes. “You’re not feeling well, are you?”

Shirayuki’s mind took a minute to compute what he had asked. “Wh-What? Zen, you’re the one who’s sick.”

Zen shook his head, his white hair flicking back and forth. “No, I’m injured. You seem sick. Are you sick?”

Shirayuki decided it had to be the painkillers making him ask these questions. “Zen, I promise I’m not sick.”

“But you look tired. Like you’ve been fighting. You don’t fight, physically at least. So that’s not it. Are you overworking yourself again?” Zen narrowed his eyes at Shirayuki suspiciously.

Shirayuki shook her head. “Zen, I promise I’m fine.”

“Cross your heart?”

“Cross my heart.”

Zen didn’t look satisfied. He reached up again, but instead put his hand over hers. “I don’t think you’re aware of it.” He said this sentence like a therapist would give sympathy.

Shirayuki looked at Zen’s hand. “It’s just…nerves.”

“Over me?”

She looked up at him, and nodded once.

Zen pouted. He lifted his head and stared down at himself in the bed. “I’m worried about me, too. It hurts a lot, a lot of the time.”

Shirayuki tensed as a monster made an exaggerating gasping motion in the corner, its eyes glinting maliciously.

Zen continued, blissfully ignorant of the monster. “I can’t move ether, and a lot of people keep coming in and out. I’m wondering why they don’t just sew the wound completely already.”

Shirayuki’s knowledge was limited in the art of stitching. She knew of one plant that could bit down against two pieces of skin to hold a cut closed, and that should only close a wound once it had been cleaned. The herbalist and curious part of her was tempted to look under Zen’s bandages to see the wound, but the monsters gave her one look and she knew she would never be able to handle it. Not that she was squeamish, far from it. Just the idea of looking up and seeing Zen’s face as the one in pain. That scared her too much.

“Shirayuki? Are you daydreaming?” Zen asked.

Shirayuki looked up at him again. “Sorry, a little.”

“See?” He shook her hand urgently. “You’re not feeling well!”

Shirayuki sighed. She was not going to win this argument right now. “Even if I am, this isn’t really anything that can be cured.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Zen, you don’t even know what it is.” Shirayuki tried to reason.

Zen narrowed his eyes at her. Then he snapped his fingers. “You’re worried. Um…the word…stressed? No, anchor. No, anxious. Anxious.” He lifted her hand into the air. His fingers moved past her palm and to her pulse.

Shirayuki’s breath hitched, and her heart skipped a beat.

Zen made a face. “You’re heartbeat just did a weird triple-tap thing. Is it supposed to do that?”

Shirayuki blushed and gently slid her hand down so her palm met his. She was going to bend her fingers to hold his hands, but he shifted his hand so that their hands were pressed perfectly against each other. His fingers were a little taller than hers, his palm just a little bit wider. Zen stared at their hands. “I wish it was always like this.” He said the words under his breath, wistful and slow.

A part of Shirayuki whined in agreement. With her other hand, she grasped some of the blanket hanging off the edge of the bed, where Zen couldn’t see.

She clenched her fingers around it as tight as she could.

Zen finally pulled his hand away and smiled at her. It was a goofy, silly smile that she had seen on drugged patients many times before. “Shirayuki, are you happy?”

“Absolutely.” She didn’t hesitate with her answer.

Zen reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind Shirayuki’s ear. “I can tell, you know.”

“Can you?” Shirayuki was amused. The subject of her being “sick” had already been dropped. She wasn’t sure if she should be grateful for the drug Zen was on or cursing it.

Zen nodded, very self-knowingly. “You’re smile changes. It’s more real, and your eyes are brighter. Then you hold your head a little higher, and you’re more comfortable.”

Shirayuki blinked. “Really?”

“Yup.” Zen absentmindedly ran his thumb along the edge of the bandage on his shoulder.

“That’s amazing that you can notice all that, Zen.” Shirayuki admired, only partly faking her amazement.

Zen shook his head. Then he gasped. “Oh! Hey, I wanted to tell you about a dream I had.”

Shirayuki cocked her head. “A dream?”

He nodded. “It was last night…I think. Anyways, I dreamed that you and I…” He hesitated, then narrowed his eyes at her. “Shirayuki…are you feeling alright?”

Shirayuki suppressed a sigh. “No, Zen. I told you already.”

“No, no. We thought it was anchoring. No, anxiety.” Zen reached out and grabbed her hand again. He pulled it towards his face gently. Shirayuki had to pull her butt towards the edge of the chair so she couldn’t be stretching. Zen held her wrist with his other hand gently. He pressed his lips against her fingertips and closed his eyes, holding her close to his chest.

Shirayuki sucked in a breath as her heart twirled in her chest. The monsters were silent, and when she cast a glance to the corner, they were gone. Amazing how Zen had that power.

Zen pulled his lips away from her skin and smiled. “Your heart did that triple-beat thing.”

A small grin broke through her lips. “You do that to me, Zen.” She whispered.

Zen let out a small gasp. “Am I hurting you?” He let go of her hand.

Shirayuki laughed and stood. She reached forward and gently dragged her hand through Zen’s hair.

Zen hummed and seemed to settle into the pillow a little more. He let his arms fall limp at his sides. After a minute of Shirayuki playing with his hair, he opened his eyes drearily. “I had a dream last night. You and I…we created the stars.” DAY 5

Shirayuki had promised she would help out with some other patients yesterday, and so today, she found herself treating at least five different patients. A small, nostalgic part of her was reminded of her days when she worked in Tanbarun, at her own little shop. It was one person after another, the shop was sometimes filled with people. It was busy, but a good busy.

However, after those five people had been treated, the infirmary managed to catch up with all their other patients. So, Shirayuki was essentially free to roam. She got some lunch, then tied her room. As she stared into her suitcase, she realized her time here was almost up.

A monster ran its long finger down her spine.

Only two days left with Zen.

How could she leave? There was news of an infection on the wound, meaning that Zen was nowhere near recovered yet. What had she even been doing back in Lyrias?

She felt something choke her up, and when she went to look in the mirror, she saw a tear more than felt it.

Monsters cackled at her.

She turned away from the mirror and looked at her bed, and took a step forward.

Then she stopped. She wouldn’t be controlled by these things anymore. She wiped her tear away and took a deep breath, then marched out of her room and towards Zen’s.

There were no guards outside the doorway. Instead, the door was open just a crack. She could hear talking.

She spotted the sword hilt of a guard through the crack of the door, and realized this was probably not a matter she should be involved in. She started to turn, but standing there at the end of the hallway-all of her monsters.

He’s dying right now.

They’re sending him off.

They’re operating him.

He’s crying from the pain.

You’ll never see him again.

They all chanted the things she had been fretting about at her, all at once.

Another tear slipped and she turned again. She shouldn’t…but…

She crept to the outside of the door and positioned herself so she could see in. She had to maneuver so that she could see between two knights. She spotted Mitsuhide and Kiki, both looking tense and unhappy. They were facing the bed. Shirayuki pivoted once more, and her heart stopped. Izana was standing against the window, one of the curtains seemed curled around him-almost protectively, but Shirayuki couldn’t think of anything that Izana would really want protection from. He had his arms crossed, a frown on his face. He didn’t scare Shirayuki.

The man next to him did.

The man was an elder gentlemen, solemn as he held a clipboard and a pen. He wore a pair of crude glasses that looked ready to fall off his nose, and he was wearing dress pants and a dress shirt. “Are you sure on everything, your Highness?” He asked, his voice high strung and a bit off.

“Yes.” Zen’s voice was clear. He wasn’t on any painkillers.

“Are you able to you sign here?”

“Yes.” Zen grabbed the pen as the man flipped the clipboard and held it for him. At the top of the page, in very fancy scripture, the words THE WILL AND TESTAMENT OF PRINCE ZEN WISTALIA.

More tears ran down her face.

“Miss?” Someone whispered. She nearly screamed. She whipped her head around and smacked Obi in the face with her hair.

Obi took in her tears, and what she was looking at with one swoop of a glance. Without a word, he put his arm around her shoulder and turned her around. He led her away swiftly. Shirayuki’s footsteps felt wrong. She was walking to the wrong rhythm. Her breath came and went without any effect on her body. She clutched her hands at her chest, shaking and feeling as if the world was going to tip on itself at any moment. It would tip, and throw her to the ground, and keep her there until she was nothing but skin and bones.

“Miss, listen to me.” Obi murmured.

She turned her head to look at him, barely blinking, barely breathing.

Obi kept his eyes ahead. “It’s only a precaution. Zen will still be fine. Do you understand?”

“A-A pre-pre…” Shirayuki couldn’t even repeat the sentence.

Obi sighed and powerwalked her back to her room, hiding her from anyone else they passed. He led her inside and closed the door, then gripped her by the shoulders and stared at her. “Shirayuki. He’s not dying.”

Shirayuki nodded while a tear ran free.

Obi wiped it quickly. “Shirayuki, he’s going to be fine. You know this more than anyone. It’ll take a lot more than something like that to keep Zen down. You know that. Come on, Shirayuki.” Obi let go of her shoulders and waited. Shirayuki’s lips quivered. She wordlessly walked forward until she was pressed against Obi’s chest. Her entire body shook. The world was swallowing her whole.

Obi put his arms around her and shushed her as she started to cry.

Just a precaution. Shirayuki repeated to herself endlessly. Suddenly the words felt like they had no meaning.

Later that day, she went back to see Zen. Obi had told Mitsuhide and Kiki what she had seen, and after they tried to give her the same talk that Obi had given her, they let her in.

Zen looked up with a smile. He was looking a lot better, holding a bowl of soup and slowly eating it. “Shirayuki. Afternoon.” He looked no different than yesterday, yet Shirayuki felt as if he should have.

Shirayuki wordlessly pulled up the chair. She pulled it close to his torso, right up next to him.

“Shirayuki?” Zen asked, sounding concerned.

Still silent, Shirayuki hesitated. Then she lowered her arms down on the mattress, her elbows touching Zen’s thigh. She lowered her head and rested it on her forearms, looking towards Zen.

Zen put down his bowl of soup and stroked her head. His hand was warm from the bowl. “You saw my will, huh?”

Shirayuki nodded. “How did you know?” She had been walking around in a daze for the past hour with a monster on her back, with monsters in her shadow, on the walls and looking through the window. All of them had the same, stupid, ignorant comment.

Zen’s going to die.

“I can just tell these things about you sometimes. You give hints.” Zen hesitated with his hand on her head. “In your smile, and your eyes, and your posture, and how comfortable you seem.” He rolled his eyes at himself.

Shirayuki looked up at him, a small smile tugging on the corner of her lips. “You remember from yesterday.”

He nodded, then blushed. “I said some crazy things, right?”

Shirayuki gave a little shrug. “I’ve seen much worse.”

“Mitsuhide is mad at me because I apparently forgot who he was. My memory is a little fuzzy, but I remember talking to you.” Zen continued to stroke her head. Even though it was just a gentle rub, really, to Shirayuki it felt like he was somehow holding some of the monsters at bay. The one on her back clung onto her clothing stubbornly.

Shirayuki shivered.

Zen gently dipped his finger between the strands of her hair, gently parting it as he ran his hand down the curve of her skull. “I remember telling you about that dream I had about your song.”

“It made me happy to hear.”

“During the dream, I was pretty scared. I felt that man’s pain, and it was disappointing after waking up and realizing you weren’t with me.” Zen sighed. Shirayuki shifted slightly. He now used two fingers to pinch a strand of her hair, gently twirling it between them. She felt her ears grow hot. She turned her head to face the mattress. “You’re too sweet.” She mumbled into the sheets.

“What?”

She lifted her head and looked up at Zen. “I’m sorry, I’m feeling so numb right now. Well, maybe not numb.” She corrected herself as the monster on her back shifted its weight down against her. “Just…not very…you know…” She shook her head softly, feeling as if all words were turning away from her.

Zen’s chest rose and fell. “No, I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to tell you about the will, because I’ve had my will since I was a child. Every royal has to update their will whenever they get hurt. I promise you, Shirayuki.” He cupped her cheek and leaned his head forward, careful not to bend his back. “I’m not going to die.” Shirayuki’s heart felt like a balloon again. His fingers were warm on his cheek.

“I won’t die. I won’t leave you like that.” Zen’s voice was soft.

The monster on Shirayuki’s back blinked at Zen, but then laughed and jabbed her sharply in the back of the neck. She shivered and looked down. “But…we don’t know. You can’t promise me that, it isn’t a guarantee.”

“Yes, it is.” Zen gently lifted Shirayuki’s chin with his hand. He hesitated, opening and closing his mouth. Then he reached down and grabbed one of her hands instead. He lifted it and pressed it so it was resting against his left chest. Shirayuki blushed, but she couldn’t not feel his heartbeat, strongly pounding against her fingers. Under her breath, she counted the beats. 1, 2. 1, 2. 1, 2. 1, 2. Her own heart must had started to count along. The monster on her back hesitated, just a little. Shirayuki looked up at Zen. He squeezed her wrist as their eyes met. “I’m going to be alright. When I’m fully healed, I’ll come visit you. I’ll prove it. I won’t die. Not when there’s still so much I need to do with you.” He grinned, only a little sheepishly.

Shirayuki gently curled her fingers across his chest. She was careful to make sure that her nails didn’t prick on the bandages. She lifted her head, stood and grasped Zen’s cheeks with most her hands. Zen’s hand was still holding her wrist as she leaned in and closed her eyes, pressing her lips against his. The monster’s weight was gone. If they were in the room still, Shirayuki couldn’t hear them. The only thing that existed was the warmth of Zen’s lips, the feel of his skin against her hands, how the tips of his hair tickled her fingertips. The weight of his hand on Shirayuki’s wrist, the way his other hand reached up and gently brushed her hair behind her ear in a slow caress.

Shirayuki tilted her head, just a little. Zen responded. Shirayuki was almost tempted to sit down on the bed, just to make sure the moment stayed forever.

Oxygen waited impatiently for the couple, but they didn’t need it just yet.

Shirayuki let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. Her shoulders relaxed as Zen’s hand continued down the lines of her hair and onto her shoulder, gently grasping her and pulling her just a little closer to him.

After a while, their lungs screamed at them, so they lifted their heads and broke their contact. Both breathed in deeply, lost in each other’s narrowed eyes. Shirayuki waited for the monsters, but they were still silent. Zen exhaled first. A small blush made his way on his cheeks, but he smiled. “So, do you understand?”

Shirayuki nodded.

Zen’s other hand lifted from her wrist to brush away more hair with his knuckle. “I’m not going to die, Shirayuki.”

As Shirayuki walked down the hall, she very casually reached behind her and tossed the monster still there off of her back and onto the floor. Sure, the monster hissed and scrambled after her, but it couldn’t physically touch her like before. She kept moving, eyes straight ahead and lips still tingling. DAY 6

Shirayuki felt the press of her time running out. The fact that she had to wear the dress she had worn only three days ago did not help that feeling. She tried to turn it inside out, but it had very obvious stitching all around the insides, so she wore it as she used to. She pulled her hair into a side ponytail to try and help.

She wasn’t sure if it had.

She was also very aware of the bangs under her eyes. She hadn’t slept well the night before, plagued with haunting dreams of Zen’s will and the wonder of what it even said. She had maybe a total hour of sleep, the monsters continuously sending nightmare after nightmare her way. All of them involved Zen’s death.

This led her waking to shaky hands and the urge to see him. Still, the hospital needed her help, so she spent a good few hours with their medicinal team. However, around lunch time, Obi came to get her. “Are we going out to that diner again?” She asked.

Obi shook his head. A knowing smile slipped on his face. “Master has sent me to ask if you would like to join him for lunch.”

Shirayuki felt her mouth twitch into a smile. “I would be honored.” Relief rushed through her body, she could finally go see him and get those stupid monsters’ taunts out of her head.

And so, she found herself sitting next to Zen. He had a pop up table resting over the bed so he could eat his lunch. Shirayuki refused to worry about his rations, which were only as much as he could stomach. Instead, she had to ask. “Aren’t you in pain?”

Zen spread his fingers and made a rocking motion. “It comes and goes. Right now, it’s nothing I can’t bear.”

Shirayuki was eating a sandwich that Zen had ordered for her. It was everything she liked, and she was a little surprised Zen still knew all of her favorite vegetables. She was trying her best not to scarf it all down at once. “I see.” A monster laughed at her from the corner, but Shirayuki just shook her head and moved on. “Are you going to get some painkillers later today?”

“I haven’t requested any. I didn’t think it’s too horrible today. If it gets worse, however, I will.” Zen chomped down on his sandwich. “We haven’t really had a proper chance to catch up yet. How’s Ryu?”

Shirayuki smiled. “You’re going to be so shocked when you next see him. He’s grown up so much! He’s almost taller than me!”

Zen’s eyes bulged. They began talking, and part of Shirayuki’s soul seemed to soar, just from exchanging these little, really meaningless chats.

After lunch, Shirayuki was shooed out by the nurses coming to check Zen’s wound. The herbalist in her made her hesitate, wanting to offer to help. But before she could even offer, the nurses closed the door in her face.

“I wanted to warn you about them.” Obi chuckled. “They’re unstoppable.”

Shirayuki turned to face her friends with a smile. “That’s how they have to be.”

Kiki nodded in agreement. “Still, they sometimes make it hard to do our jobs.”

Mitsuhide grinned. “Maybe we should be guarding Zen from them.”

They all giggled, but then stopped as they heard boots. Shirayuki turned to see Izana walking down the hall, flanked by two knights. “Greetings.” He spoke when his eyes landed on hers. “Were you just talking to Zen?”

Shirayuki gave a bow alongside her friends. “Yes, you’re Highness.”

“How lovely.” Shirayuki couldn’t tell if there was sarcasm in the King’s voice or not. “Is he busy now?”

“The nurses have just gone in to check on him, Your Majesty.” Mitsuhide reported.

Izana made an odd half-frown. “I see, I’ll talk to him later then. As you were.” He nodded his head to Shirayuki and turned. His knights did the same, and they walked back down the hall.

“Shirayuki, are you going back with Izana tomorrow? Do you know what time?”

Obi asked curiously.

One of the monsters seemed pleased to be pointed out. Shirayuki ignored it and shook her head. “I’m not sure. I’m guessing that I’m leaving with Izana, but I’m not sure what time.” The monster whispered to her.

What if he wants to leave first thing tomorrow morning?

“I’m sure you’ll be informed soon.” Mitsuhide reassured.

Shirayuki smiled at him gratefully. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Kiki blinked. “Shirayuki, you seem to be feeling a lot better.”

“What?”

But Kiki shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Where are you off to now?”

“I was going to see if I could help out a little more while I’m here. They mentioned they needed some more herbs, so maybe I’ll go out with them for an herb gathering.” Shirayuki shrugged. “We’ll see.”

“I’m glad you aren’t bored here, Shirayuki.” Mitsuhide smiled.

Shirayuki nodded. “Me, too!”

Later that day, Shirayuki again was on her way to see Zen. However, just before she turned down the hallway, someone called. “Shirayuki.”

Izana was walking towards her from the front door. He smiled. It must have just begun to snow outside, as his light hair was dotted with the little white flakes.

Shirayuki bowed briskly. “You’re Highness.”

“I wanted to tell you the plans for our departure tomorrow.”

Shirayuki’s heart sank, but she didn’t show it. She put her hands together in front of her and waited politely.

“I was thinking we could travel later at night, so we won’t leave until after dinner.”

Shirayuki nodded, both parts relieved that they weren’t leaving early on and disheartened that they had to leave at all. But she had a job to complete, and Zen had promised he would come visit as soon as he was able to.

“We’ll go by two carriages, half way through we’ll switch to another one.” Izana instructed.

“Why do we have to switch carriages?” Shirayuki asked. Something like fear gripped her, but she wasn’t sure why. She couldn’t feel the monsters, she supposed they reserved themselves for her worries over Zen.

“Ah, just a precaution.”

Precaution. There was that word again. Shirayuki was starting to dislike it. But she wouldn’t question the King. “I understand.”

“Say around 8 o clock, meet me right here ready to go. Alright?”

Shirayuki nodded. “Alright.”

“Until later, then.” Izana smiled and turned away to walk towards one of the knights who seemed to be waiting for him.

Shirayuki turned and marched to see Zen again, determined to enjoy her last night with him.

But fate was not on her side.

It took a good three seconds for Shirayuki to process what Mitsuhide had just told her. “…Izana…ordered what?” She asked, completely dumbfounded.

Mitsuhide sighed. “Zen shouldn’t be given any painkillers, he needs to have focused judgement at all times.”

“Ignoring the fact that right now Zen can barely even breathe, never mind think.” Obi snarled.

Shirayuki’s heart twisted at his words.

Kiki sharply nudged Obi in the ribcage.

Obi jerked, realizing what he had said. “Ah…I’m-I’m sorry, Shirayuki.”

Shirayuki shook her head. “I would have found out anyways. It’s alright, Obi.”

Mitsuhide massaged his forehead. “I tried to reason with Izana, but he wasn’t having any of it. He was certain Zen would be able to handle this. I just don’t think he really understands-he’s never seen Zen when the pain sets in.”

Shirayuki desperately wished she hadn’t giving up the idea of that herb that could relive Zen’s pain without obscuring his awareness. She wanted to curse. “How cruel of him.” She managed to squeeze out the words.

Kiki put her hand on her shoulder. “Don’t get too upset. This is Zen we’re talking about. He’s strong.”

Shirayuki nodded, then took a deep breath. “Can I go see him?”

“Definitely.” Mitsuhide nodded. “Maybe you can help keep his mind occupied.”

Shirayuki wasn’t sure how on earth she would do that. She stepped forward and opened the door. Like a few days ago, the first thing she heard was his raspy breath. She closed the door behind her and walked to Zen’s bed. He didn’t even hear her footprints.

Shirayuki nearly cried when she saw how much pain he was in. His teeth were clenched, sweat had flattened his hair almost completely yet he had a thick, brown blanket covering him. A cloth was sliding off his head, as he faced the window. His breath rose and fell harshly. Tears rolled down his cheek.

Shirayuki’s monsters were back. They chanted, dancing and spinning around the room in celebration. She waited a minute to see if they would throw something at her while they were at it.

Finally, she shook her head. The monsters weren’t real, and they knew it. But they were trying to make her believe otherwise.

She looked to the bedside table, which had the bowl of water that always was there, a glass of drinking water, and a towel. She reached for the tissues while reaching for the cloth, noticing that for the first time that there wasn’t any chair around Zen’s bed. She guessed no one was supposed to see him, but the chair’s absence wasn’t going to stop her.

Zen groaned.

Shirayuki refused to falter. She grasped the wash cloth, which was wet but warm. She gently lifted it off of his head.

Zen turned, eyes blurry. “Who…oh.” Zen winced and took a few uneven breaths. Then he tried to smile. “Shirayuki.”

Shirayuki managed her own smile back. She dipped the cloth in the bowl of water and let it soak for a moment. She dabbed at Zen’s forehead, then swiped at his tears with the tissues in her hand. She decided to switch them for a towel instead after they had poor results.

“I’m sorry that I’m-“

“Shush.” She immediately silenced. She put the towel against his lips to make sure he did as she ordered. “The only apology I want is from Izana right now.”

Zen let out a huff. Shirayuki removed the towel and pushed his hair back from his forehead with another hand. She grasped the wet cloth from the bowl and squeezed it, then gently lied it on his forehead, letting his hair fall down again over the cloth instead of getting pinned between the cloth and his skin.

“Do you want any water?” Shirayuki asked.

Zen shook his head.

Shirayuki thought about it, then turned and sat on the edge of the bed softly. She was barely on it, and far enough back so that it wasn’t uncomfortable to twist her body to face him. “Sorry, the chair’s gone.” Shirayuki murmured.

Zen moaned, but blinked at her. She understood that he thought it was fine.

Shirayuki let out a sigh, knowing that having conversations like they had been having the past few days weren’t going to be possible with Zen in so much pain.

She looked down and saw his hand. He kept clenching and unclenching his fingers, his wrist twitching. Her heart made a low whine and she gently stroked the back of his palm. “I wish I could talk to Izana for you. I wish he would listen.”

Zen opened his mouth, but Shirayuki put her fingers against her lips. “No, you don’t need to worry about responding to that. Don’t waste your energy.”

Zen smiled softly at her, then clenched his teeth and shivered.

Shirayuki wanted to cry. She decided that she would rather set her hair on fire than watch this. She would rather throw herself off the castle wall. She would rather be tortured physically, because this mental and emotional torture was far more painful.

“Shira…yuki.” Zen spoke.

Shirayuki looked up. “Yeah?”

Zen lifted his arm and pushed himself to the left slightly.

Anxiety made Shirayuki move. She grasped his wrist. “What are you doing?”

“Lie…lie down…with me…p-please?” Zen gasped.

Shirayuki blushed. “Um…” She looked at the door, then back to Zen. He had closed his eyes and was holding his breath. “Breathe.” She ordered. When he made no move to do so, Shirayuki placed a hand heavily on his chest and pushed.

Zen’s breath was pressed out of him, slowly. Shirayuki took her hand off his chest and he inhaled again instinctively. He looked at her.

“I know it hurts, but holding your breath won’t help.” Shirayuki lectured.

Zen’s head lolled and the washcloth slipped down an inch so the corner was against his eyelid. Shirayuki leaned forward and pushed it back up, pulling his hair gently over the cloth. He blinked at her gratefully.

Being closer, she felt an inviting waft of warm coming from the bed. It was more likely coming from Zen, he was sweating so much. But whichever it was, the warmth caressed her skin like a mother’s gentle hands.

Zen let out a groan, then looked up at her. “Please.” He pleaded. “I…I just want you…you with me.”

Shirayuki couldn’t exactly say no to that. So, she sat up and peeled her boots off. She placed them neatly next to the bed, then turned back to Zen and curled up on top of the blanket. She lowered her head so she was staring at Zen. The pillow cradled her easily, invitingly. Zen pulled his hand up and with a few winces tried to make room for her.

Shirayuki pursed her lips. She was immediately comfortable, but she felt a little worried now that she would fall asleep. “Did you already have dinner?” She blurted.

Zen gave one brisk, sharp nod.

“Okay.” Shirayuki let out a small sigh, but shifted a little and tried to blink fast. Her heartbeat was already slowing, readying her body for sleep.

Zen turned his head, the washcloth just barely staying on. Shirayuki just took a minute to study him from this angle. The curtains were closed, but a few defiant rays of fading light poked around the thick curtain’s edges. Zen’s white hair was slick with sweat and from the washcloth. His skin looked a little paler than usual, but his brilliant blue eyes were sharp. They reminded Shirayuki of an ocean glimmering in the bright sunlight.

Shirayuki lifted her hand and gently stroked his cheek, fixing the wash cloth as she lifted her hand back up to repeat the action.

Zen let out a hum, and a small, thankful smile graced his face.

Shirayuki felt her breath hitch, feeling something that was a little like the feeling of heat, but not. It was internal, right in her heart. It then pumped throughout her whole body, making her relax. But it didn’t stop there. Shirayuki started to imagine a beautiful blue light, the light of the sun shining on the sea spreading out from her fingers and toes, over the bed and down onto the ground. There, it rushed up the walls, somehow erasing the monsters. The light rolled onto the roof, meeting again right above her, where it plummeted then right back into her.

And it was because of Zen.

“Thank you.” She murmured.

Zen raised his one eyebrow. “F-For what?” His voice quavered.

Shirayuki gently leaned into his neck, ignoring how he was sweating. He didn’t smell bad, however, just of antiseptic and soap. “You make the monsters easier to deal with.”

DAY 7

“Shirayuki…Shirayuki!” Someone was saying. It was a kind voice, with a smile you could hear through every words.

Shirayuki’s eyes opened. She was staring at rays of bright light, little bits of dust glowing as they danced through the air. She made a little grunt and reached up to rub her eyes. There was a warm hand on her shoulder.

She looked up to see Zen, sort of sitting up in front of her. He grinned, his white hair aglow and his skin a much better color than yesterday. His cheeks were a little reddened, but he had a glimmer in his eyes she wished she always saw. It was like the little dust specks in the light, just dancing around his pupil in the endless blue of his eyes. “Zen?” She asked. ‘Where…oh.”

She suddenly remembered everything. She started to sit up. She looked at Zen.

He was leaning on his elbow, propping himself upwards. His white hair was ruffled from the pillow. They were in his room, and from the sounds of a nearby bird, Shirayuki figured it was very early morning. “Oh, I must have fallen asleep. I’m sorry, Zen.”

“Don’t be. I haven’t had as good a sleep as that in forever.” Zen smiled, then blushed and winced. “I mean, uh…” He let out a little laugh and shook his head, looking away.

Shirayuki giggled as well, although her cheeks were warm. “I slept wonderfully as well. Thank you.” She reached up and cupped his cheek. After a pause, she leaned her back against the mattress again and held his other cheek as well.

Zen stared into her eyes. “How do you feel?”

“M-me? I, um, good. I mean, I feel great. Just a little...um…” He licked his lips and stammered over words.

Shirayuki blinked, a little confused. “So, you’re not in any pain?”

“Um, oh. No. No pain.”

“That’s great, then.” Shirayuki broke into a smile. He wasn’t like yesterday, today he was himself. Although, why did he keep stammering?

Zen smiled back at her. “Yeah.” They both paused. Shirayuki’s eyes went to his lips. And then she moved to sit forward, leaning into him.

Zen inhaled just before they met. His lips were warm and chapped, and Shirayuki’s eyes immediately slipped shut. Her hands slipped from his cheeks to his chin, then slowly backwards until they were around his neck. She caught herself before she pulled him down farther, but he instead reached up and slipped his hand behind Shirayuki’s head. That put them closer together.

Shirayuki tilted her head.

Something was different about this kiss. Maybe it was because it was their last day together, and they knew it. Maybe it was more Zen, trying to apologize and reassure. Maybe it was Shirayuki, who was so relieved he wasn’t hurting like he was yesterday, and was thanking him for still being alive. Maybe it was just an unsung promise.

The kiss paused as Shirayuki pulled back to inhale. Zen let his breath slide from between his parted lips, the air brushed over Shirayuki’s wet lips. She took another breath and pulled him back down onto her. Their mouths opened, and Shirayuki’s fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of Zen’s neck.

Zen let out a small little grunt. Shirayuki felt it right through into her throat. She suddenly couldn’t get enough. She wanted more of those sounds…

And that’s when the door swung open.

Zen and Shirayuki both immediately broke away from each other and turned their heads.

Kiki stood there, her hand on the handle and an unreadable expression on her face.

Both Zen and Shirayuki’s faces turned a beat red. “Um, Kiki….this isn’t.”

Kiki turned and promptly walked away.

“Wait! Kiki!” Zen protested.

Shirayuki released Zen and covered her face with her hands, never feeling more embarrassed in her life.

Shirayuki pressed down on her case’s last clasp. She stood with a sigh, turning and looking over her room one last time to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. She had made the bed, cleared the desk of all things that were hers, and she hadn’t even used the dresser. It looked brand new.

She looked out the window. The sun was nearly setting. She had dinner plans with Zen, and then after, she would be gone.

She looked around again. This time not for anything physical. Where were the monsters? They had tormented her so much this past week she found it hard to believe they had just gone.

She wasn’t going to complain. She grasped her luggage and walked out of the door. She closed the door behind her, turned, and went towards Zen’s bedroom.

Dinner was a delicious soup. Zen ate a little more than he did when they had lunch, and so Shirayuki found herself staring with a smile as he ate.

Zen did a double take when he glanced at her. “What are you smiling at?” He asked, another smile to match her own slipping on his face as he wiped his mouth.

Shirayuki jumped. “Oh, uh, nothing. I’m just happy to see how well you’re eating.” She mumbled the end of the sentence and took a massive spoonful to shut herself up.

Zen studied her, then grinned and continued eating. “So, do you have a lot of work to catch up on?”

“I’d think so. We rushed out in such a hurry that I didn’t really get to work out a plan with Ryu.” Shirayuki swallowed another spoonful of broth. Her luggage was sitting next to her, relaxed.

Zen nodded. “I’m really sorry you had to get interrupted like that.”

Shirayuki shook her head. “I’ve already told you, I would have come anyways.”

Zen placed his spoon back in the bowl and reached over. He gently tucked some of her hair behind her ear. He inhaled, but hesitated. Then he said, quite quickly. “You know I love you, right?”

The words sent a wave of warmth through Shirayuki’s body. She grinned, reaching up and grasping his hand as it lingered against her hair. “Yes. Do you know that I love you?”

Zen’s grin was the most radiant thing she had ever seen. “I do.”

“Good.” Shirayuki leaned against his hand. She was suddenly hit with an immense pain-she didn’t want to leave. She squeezed Zen’s palm once before letting it go so he could continue to eat his dinner. She grasped her spoon, and took a deep breath before scooping some noodles into her mouth.

Zen ate a few more spoonfuls. “I’ll miss eating with you.”

Shirayuki smiled. “In the future, maybe we’ll eat together every day.”

Zen blushed and inhaled sharply, looking at her with an expression that was somewhere between astonishment, excitement, and confusion.

Shirayuki’s face heated and her ears felt hot. “Uh! I mean, um…no! I mean, well, maybe….augh, sorry. That’s…” She stopped herself by shoving soup into her mouth vigorously, avoiding eye contact and trying to contain her blush.

Understanding dawned on Zen’s face and he let out a little snort. “Alright, we’ll just agree that someday in the future, this will be a regular.” He held his bowl out, a smirk and a grin trying to escape from his lips. “Let’s toast on it.”

Shirayuki snorted. “Toast with bowls full of hot soup?”

Zen nodded, laughing a little.

Shirayuki laughed as well, but she raised her bowl up and touched it against Zen’s. Their spoons bounced and disrupted the liquid, but they managed to avoid spilling. Then they brought the blows back underneath their chins and both took a scoop of soup. They giggled at each other.

After they finished dinner, a nurse came by and took their plates and the table. Shirayuki stayed in her seat next to Zen, although a glance at her watch told her it was almost 7:30. This room felt like a secret little pocket of the world when it was just Zen and her. The hopeful part of her desperately wished that Izana couldn’t find her.

Zen hummed and shifted. They had finally changed the bandages to only wrap around his waist, so he wore a light, loose gray T shirt. He looked a lot better, although Shirayuki would be lying to herself if she didn’t say she preferred him uncovered. “You’re going to be leaving soon.” He stated.

Shirayuki nodded. She looked down and stared at her hands, connected on her lap. She thought about this morning’s kiss. Her lips tingled and her heart yearned for another, just like that. But she sat firmly in her chair and held her mouth shut.

Zen gave a sad smile. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Shirayuki looked up, then smiled and let out a small “oh”. She grinned. “I forgot. You can tell how I’m feeling by how calm I am, the way-“

“The way you smile, the color of your eyes-please, Shirayuki, can you not taunt me over things I said when I was under influence?” Zen said this with a smile and a slight blush.

Shirayuki felt her eyes water. She stood and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back. He grasped her tightly, and Shirayuki felt a little warmer knowing that he was as reluctant to let her go as she was to let go of him. “You’ll come visit as soon as your better.” Shirayuki said. It wasn’t a question, and it wasn’t an order. It was just a fact, Zen would soon prove it.

Zen nodded, his nose bumping against her shoulder. “And we’ll go out for dinner or lunch.”

Shirayuki nodded. A hot tear rolled down her cheek. She squeezed Zen tightly, pulling her knees on the mattress to make it less of a bend for her. A sob caught in her throat, and it caused her breath to be shaky. She wasn’t sure why this parting felt so much like a stab in the chest. They had said goodbyes before, in much better spirits than this. Maybe it was because Obi wasn’t able to come back with her just yet. Or maybe it was because Zen was still recovering.

Maybe it was the monsters.

Zen pulled back and looked at her. He swiped away her tear and gently tangled his hand in her hair. “One last kiss, and then you should go outside. My brother won’t want to have to come fetch you.”

“He’s already said goodbye to you?” Shirayuki blinked.

“Technically, yes.” Zen shrugged.

“I see.” Shirayuki sighed and leaned her forehead against his. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll see you soon.” Zen agreed.

Shirayuki pulled back her forehead. She studied Zen’s face, then closed her eyes and lunged for his lips. He let out a grunt of surprise at how fast she moved, but responded immediately, his arms sliding down her back gently. Shirayuki engrossed herself in the moment. There was a small monster, and although she couldn’t see it or feel it, its whisper echoed in her head.

This could be your last kiss.

Shirayuki held herself back from the urge to move her hands, to tilt her head and open her mouth. This was not their last kiss. They would have many, many more. Despite Zen’s will. Despite the infection. Despite Izana’s poor rule of no painkillers. They would meet again, and they would have this time-stopping moment as many times as they wished.

Shirayuki pulled back and rested her head on Zen’s forehead. He hummed slightly, eyes still closed.

“I promise.” Zen whispered.

EPILOGUE: Shirayuki’s arms were exhausted. She had been grinding leaves all day, leaving her with a practical mountain of goop. She still had a little ways to go, only a few left. The bench she was working on was filthy with green slime. Her butt was aching from sitting on the metal stool for so long. The sun had just about set, she could see both stars and a line of orange light out of the tall laboratory windows. She was alone, the only sound the consistent scratch of the leaves being pulverized.

Her hair was pulled up into a high ponytail, although a few strands had of course managed to slide free and dangled annoyingly against her jawline. Her feet hung just over the floor, she had to stretch to reach the tiles. She was a little cold, with the sunlight leaving and the world darkening, some of the heat was taken with it. She should really turn on some lamps, but she was just lost in her work. She wanted to finish it soon, so she would probably continue until she was in pitch darkness.

Her mind was set at the task at hand, and she was so focused on the one little vein of the leaf stuck to the side of the bowl, she didn’t hear the footsteps.

She didn’t hear the soft knock on the door.

After a minute, she also missed the slight creak of the hinges.

There was a louder, rhythmic tapping that echoed along the entire lab she missed.

The door closed. No response from the herbalist.

A small huff of breath, and then a soft voice calling her name.

She still was too engrossed in her work.

It wasn’t until a lamp was set alight at her side that Shirayuki jumped. She nearly fell off the stool, it surprised her so much.

“Whoa! I’m sorry, I tried to call you but you didn’t respond.”

Shirayuki’s heart stopped. The world expanded around her, and she reached down to grasp the edge of the stool. She turned, almost robotically, and her heart suddenly beat so fast she thought she might faint.

The first Prince of Clarines, Zen Wisteria stood there. He was adorned in his usual royal outfit, a long white cape moving with him easily. His sword hung at his side, and his hair was brushed through. He grinned at her. Without a word, he opened his arms. Just in time, as Shirayuki found herself lunging out of the stool and jumping against his chest.

He chuckled, ignoring the loud bang of the misbalanced stool falling down.

Shirayuki’s hands swung around his back, and she held him tightly. He held her close as well, lowering his head to rest on the top of hers. He rocked slightly, feeling her shake with sobs of relief.

Shirayuki couldn’t think, her mind had gone blank. Her heart had completely taken over, so tears rolled down her face, her breath came rapidly. She was terrified that the world would suddenly shift, and he would be gone. It seemed like a dream. He smelled like the cold, sharp against her lungs. He also smelled a little like horse, not necessarily in a bad way. He was warm, and his chest rose and fell as she shivered. And he was moving! On his own two feet, to the left and the right he gently swayed.

The last of the monsters finally disappeared from the wall.

#ans gift exchange #lieutenant-sarcastic #happy valentine's day #akagami no shirayukihime #snow white with the red hair #zenyuki #zen wistalia #shirayuki #fanfiction #annie writes #I hope you enjoy!

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