#Your Funeral my trial

[jt1674]

[strixessabre]

Updated my Nick Cave tray and added some buttons to sweeten the deal! I might do this with a few other trays I have! This is limited to one! Go snag it!

Also I love Nick's hair in this era, the greasy yet so fashionable mullet~

( Strixes' Sabre )

[manitat]

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Stranger Than Kindness

[pisquareseven]

[cherries-or-peaches]

15, 19, 26 for the music ask game :D

wassup mackaroni!! (sorry i had mac and cheese for lunch today)

15. what is one band/artist you listen to and everybody knows you listen to them but no one would expect them to have THAT genre?

This one was kinda hard. I’ve had some people be surprised when they check out Suicide after i recommended some of their music because they were expecting some sort of metal music i think and not like synth music. I also had irl people guess that The Birthday Party were new wave (now in their defense i kinda guessed that two before i checked them out.)

19.what is your favorite album art from one of your favorite artists?

I’ve always thought The Birthday Party had some pretty cool album covers (i kinda cheated and also put Crime & the City Solution, they’re related enough)

Hee-Haw (technically not the original album cover but it looks cooler than the original tbh), Junkyard, Live 81-82, and Room of Lights

26.show me two songs with the same title!!! same genre?? different genre??

Time by Richard Hell and the Voidoids and Time by Blind Melon. One is punk, one is just alt rock. They’re both one of my favourite songs by each bands lol

[antiticketmaster]

.

[circeyoru]

Future Power Couple = Requested

The Request

[Sung Jinwoo x S-Rank Player!Reader]

! ALERT

- A new Player has joined the System.

That was months ago. You have received noticed on how well this new Player did from time to time, sounded like the System was mighty happy with this Player’s progress. Well, it wasn’t like you could do anything when you knew this person was in the same situation as yourself. While it was good that the System helped you level up to be the strongest S-Rank Hunter, you were sort of a test run for the real Player. You didn’t like being used as a trial run. 

You returned back to Korea after your exchange a bit too late. By the time you returned, the Jeju Raid ended in success with a major lost. Had you known he joined the raid, you would have joined too. Min Byung-Gyu and you were close but different, while he was the only Healer class S-Rank, you were his opposite as you were the only Assassin class S-Rank in Korea. Still, the uniqueness of your singular class among the fighter and mage class made the two of you bond like siblings with him being the other one.

So, without question, you attended his funeral. That’s when you caught a glimpse of the new S-Rank Hunter the Chairman was talking about. Sung Jinwoo, a mage class, former E-Rank and the Weakest Hunter of All Mankind. It was clear as day that he was the new Player the System noticed you all those months ago, and continuously praised. But that was all that happened, you didn’t stray away from the main objective that day and it was to honour your brother-like friend’s sacrifice and work.

“Can you join Hunter Sung to deal with a gate that appeared in the middle of the road?”

“Ha?” You side eyed the phone next to your ear. Just your luck that you were immediately given a dungeon to clear, and with Jinwoo no less. “He can handle it himself, right?” After all, he was raised by the System and leveled up to the point of gaining S-Rank. “There’s no need for me to join him.”

“You could see him in action.”

It was an enticing offer. You’ve only heard of Jinwoo’s powers and abilities, never did you see him fight or what he actually did during the Jeju Raid, since you were distraught about your friend’s death. You hummed and tapped your feet repeatedly, you want to go and don’t want to go. “Fine! Send me the location!”

Chuckles could be heard on the other side. “Haha, thank you for your work.”

Clearing a dungeon with a lack of teammates was nothing compared to what you usually do. You were the Association’s exclusive S-Rank Hunter, also known as The Underworld Assassin, due to your class and the fact that you do the Association’s dirty work. You were a feared Hunter unlike those that were treated as celebrities. 

While Jinwoo seemed to be stopped by an officer in charge of the gate, you came up behind her. “Hey, let him pass, he has permission from the Chairman.”

It was obvious that she flinched from your sudden appearance, “Huh?! Oh, yes! Please!”

“Let’s go.” You told Jinwoo without sparing him another glance. All the better if he didn’t follow behind you and you had to deal with this situation alone. Just ilke always.

To your surprise, he followed. The two of you eyed each other when you got a good look at your surrounding. No doubt thinking of the same thing. This was definitely a Red Gate. It felt like a scam and it is one.

“I can handle it on my own.��� Jinwoo proudly stated while his Shadows appeared behind him.

“Yeah? Well, I was sent to clear this dungeon by the Chairman too.” You glared at him, taking out your weapons from your inventory. 

“You’ll be in my way. I have an army to help me.” Jinwoo gestured to his Shadows. 

“Relying on your soldiers to do your work?” You teased with a smirk. “Some Hunter you are. I can manage all on my own.”

In the end, admist your argument with Jinwoo on who would clear the dungeon, the two of you had already destroyed the surrounding forest, weaker monsters and boss while Jinwoo’s Shadows tried to calm the two of you down. The argument only ended when you accidentally slipped and fell through the reopened gate, while pulling Jinwoo with you of course. 

(It was Tusk that used his gravitational ability, Beru’s idea, and Igris’ agreement that made the two of you fall for each other. Literally.)

After your first raid with the Hunter, your System gave you stupid quests to meet with Jinwoo outside of work. Ridiculous missions like <Meet Your Partner!> or <Have A Meal> and Jinwoo got the same. The two of you worked out your little secret to growing strong. Turns out he was approached by Norma Selner as well, an offer to join their country’s ranks. Similarly, both of you declined. 

“You’re too slow.”

“You’re too stiff.”

“Your form is weird.”

“You’re not acting like a mage.”

“An assassin doesn’t use bow and arrow.”

“A mage doesn’t use daggers.”

“Want to get punched?”

“Want to get stabbed?”

It was decided that once in a while, S-Rank Hunters would gather at the training grounds to train together and even have mock battles. Whenever you and Jinwoo were in the same hall, the two of you would immediately get into a spat then a mock battle. Because the two of you had the System and quicker recovery, you two would let loose. No unique skills and back-up (Jinwoo’s Shadows), just pure physical talent. Which always result in childish bantering back and forth between blows. 

Your mock battles with Jinwoo always have to be timed else it could and would go on for hours. Cha Hae-In would rush to drag you away while Jinwoo had to be held off by Baek Yoonho and Ma Dongwook. Then the two of you would be sitting in the dialogically opposite spot glaring at each other, even resulting to making weird faces and hand gestures. The other Hunters could only sigh, unable to bear with the consequence if they stepped between you two.

Look at his silly face… Definitely not a better S-Rank Hunter than me. You looked away while drinking your water for a moment. But his speed is impressive… It’s been a while since I could let loose.

Being feisty again. Isn’t an assassin purposed to be quick with their target? Jinwoo would sneak glances at you while Hae-In requested to train with you and compete with a mock battle. Holding back? Guess mock battles with me is more fun. Ah, that form really brings out all the right qualities…

“They’re at it again.” Woo Jinchul sighed, calculating the damage cost that was done during the mock battle you had with Jinwoo. 

“Young love is wonderful isn’t it?” Chairman Go Gunhee chuckled, watching the two of you look at each other when the other’s attention was elsewhere. Of course, noticing the facial expression change and the faint blush on your faces. 

Jinchul groaned at the numbers, “We might as well have an entire island as their battle grounds.”

“That would give them the privacy needed.”

“Yes, that would help with the cost—” Jinchul did a double take to what the Chairman said, “Pardon sir?”

Gunhee only smiled and turned to his trusted aid, “If the two most powerful Hunters in our country were officially a couple, don’t you think they’d be a power couple?”

“...I suppose…”

Note: Yay! This is my first request for Solo Leveling! Hope it's done as you expected or wanted, Anon! Feels like everything's all over the place, but it's what it is. Enjoy!

Circe Y.

My Works: MASTERLIST

Taglist: (none)

[shanieveh]

“ forget me not... ”

synopsis: neuvillette, too late to confess his love to you, is drowning from the suffering and regret that came along with it, especially after knowing that you felt the same all along.

tags: gn!reader x neuvillette, depression and low self-esteem, bittersweet ending, mentions of freminet, lynette and melusines, heavily implied reader death and neuvillette also kinda wanting to die

a/n: people want this and i have came to deliver (hopefully) enjoy~ this is my first long fic that i published

How can this be….?

Neuvillette sat in the corner of his office, all your letters in his right hand. How can you say you loved him… how dare you describe the love, the passion, everything you felt for him when he can't even say it back.

How can you love someone so unlovable?

His silent cries can't match up to the violent outbursts of the skies outside. Days went by when he first found out, the melusines were scared to death about who would report it to him. The way you dissolved into water, not even seeing you for the last time—not having the privilege to have a proper funeral.

He failed you… the monsieur wasn't too sure on many things but this one was certain.

Reading your diaries, knowing your thoughts and hopes for the future. It was an invasion of privacy but also in a way… the last remnants of your existence. One such entry was that of three years ago where you first met.

Encountering this, a profuse blush colored his face. The adjectives being used "handsome", "tall" and "kind" for your first meetingwith the chief justice. Far from the truth really, although Neuvillette knew you meant every word.

You always did.

You always were an honest person.

The very first day his lavender eyes met yours, to the very last. There was never a trace of impurity or a hint of a liar. Of course, the verdict went in your favor, because to him a precious rose like you can never steal and the plaintiffs were wrong.

Reading it now, not even a slightly negative comment was made to those who wrongly accused you.

"Maybe they had their reasons, after all, I was also in need of money at that time." you wrote. Adding on that you defended the "Monsieur Neuvillette" when people called "such a man of honor and kindness" a "merciless and arrogant man".

A man of honor and kindness? Your words became running thoughts in the hydro dragon's head. That day was one of the only days he didn't cry after a trial. Neuvillette was just happy that such a person of integrity was cleared of their name.

He turned through the pages of the diary, how you taught him to socialize and even mend his relationship with the hydro archon.

"Monsieur Neuvillette was too adorable! Being with a person of lowly status and treating me with such respect and humility, he truly is the epitome of mercy and loveliness."

How can you be so blind? Anyone with eyes will know that it's a privilege to be with someone so beautiful, especially to be with someone like Neuvillette. A cold and repulsive soul. You make him sound like a good person, when in fact he isn't both good and human.

He was a monster… these words of humanity you always used to describe a monster. Why do they sound so genuine? Why do they look so real? Maybe only you can make him like that, you and only you.

A few pages later he finally saw the words…

Words that should've made him scream in euphoria… tore him to a million pieces. Because even before this he already loved you… because you had so much time to confess but never did… and never will.

"I think I'm in love with the chief Justice."

And after that, he couldn't even get himself to read, he couldn't. His eyes got so blurry to see, his heart became too heavy to feel. Why were you… why you? In a world filled with monsters, they chose an angel. They chose a soul that still wanted to live, love and give. Those demons… despicable.

Remembering his shortcomings, maybe in some way he could've avoided all of this. Neuvillette shouldn't have given you his blessing to investigate the serial disappearance case.

But that glint of adventure in your eyes… he was too soft to reject you.

It was all his fault.

Wiping his tears he looked at the last entry of the diary… Oh.

Oh.

"After this investigation, I'll finally confess to him… I surely hope Neuvillette feels the same way, I even planted some forget-me-nots to give him in the backyard so that he'll know when it rains and he weeps. I will always be here."

The chief justice didn't know what was coming to him but he started running… and only then can he see the state of Fontaine. Many flowers have wilted and only a few people were outside. What had he become..?

"What's up with this weather? It isn't even the rainy season yet?!" A shop owner complained.

"I know! My crops have been drowning these days, at this rate if it doesn't stop we'll have a famine!"

It was all his fault, his running turned to a slow walk taking in all that he had done. This was all because of him. The lonely streets, the lowered morale. This was all because—

"Hydro dragon, hydro dragon, please don't cry!"

He turned to the voice and saw a young boy in the distance. Neuvillette remembered now, his name was Freminet. That child on which you doted extremely, giving him sweets and hushing his tears. The chief justice quickly let go of his gaze and continued to walk.

"You see Freminet, it didn't work... let's go inside."

The response was that of a stoic young woman, but he just continued his legs even if they wanted to rest all to see the last thing you cared for… those flowers. And when he finally was at the destination he saw it immediately outside.

It was in the bushes, he couldn't miss it. Every corner of your house was haunted, every tiny thing was a memory. The chairs you painted, the drawings pinned in the cabinet of you and him with the melusines. It was precious. All of it. Just as you are.

He finally saw them, most were almost to bloom and some were wilted. Picking one he unconsciously kissed it, perhaps mistaking it for you. These flowers were made to remind him he was never alone, but now he is.

More alone than he can ever be in one lifetime. Your scent still filled every corner, a remembrance of the biggest "what if" in his life. Your will stated that every single thing of yours is his just as you were always his. Bittersweet was he when reading it.

Neuvillete forgot that too included your house, maybe he was too consumed with your thoughts to visit this place. He was twisting the poor flower that looked so tiny compared to his hand. Perhaps that's what it's like to be with him. It's a curse…

He continues to caress the flowers, to treat them as if they were you. You were wrong on one thing about this, even if there were no flowers he will never forget you. Never, no way! The love he has for you can destroy nations and can cause millions of sacrifices. Just to keep you, to see your smile again.

But he can't even do that, you didn't give him the privilege to do something for you. If only he knew, he would've… done everything for you. The love that can create the strongest of floods failed to protect the one person he was supposed to protect.

At that moment, he felt the waters, the ocean, his home… you. It made his crying bearable, somewhat. Grief that could surpass a lifetime, wasn't enough. Nothing he can do will ever be enough to have you again. Perhaps he should also leave this world to stop being a burden to the people… and maybe to see you again.

"Neuvillette…"

Now he was even imagining your voice, or was he? Maybe he was delusional but he still followed your voice even if it took him to an unknown path. But the end was in a small pond, where you used to keep the fish, all of which were alive and well.

"Neuvillette…?"

At this he didn't even care if was going insane, your voice sounded like a melody even if it uttered his name. It sounded like a rare jewel, a myth, a prophecy too good to be true.

"Darling?" He replied in a hopeful tone. He looked through his surroundings, no longer was he in a pond but a terrain of boundless water. In the middle was a flying Oceanid, a spirit. Was it—could it be?

"Even I could feel the heavy pouring of rain, monsieur… don't be sad."

It was indeed your spirit, a part of you that remained before that bastard—he'll make whoever did this pay. It wasn't for justice anymore, this one is for revenge.

"How can I not? When I have failed you over and over again, I couldn't even get to say…"

"That you love me?"

His eyes widened, looking at you. Even if it didn't look like you, he knew… he always did. A nod soon followed after that, it was barely noticeable even at this rate the chief justice was a bit shy saying it.

"I just don't know why you could ever say you love me, how you could even think of me so kindly. Why? How? How can you love me back?" He was clueless to what you mean.

"How can I not?"

The reply you uttered was one of a teary-eyed person. Even to this moment you still haven't accepted you had died, not when he was still alone needing you.

"Just as you said… how can I not? You out of all people my dear… know of the sacrifices we make for the person we love."

It was that moment where you took your normal form, you looked beautiful as the day he lost you. As beautiful as the day you met. And as you walked towards him, the clock ticking until your final goodbye, it was time.

"I love you Neuvillette, i always had and continue to do so." For the last time, you cupped his cheek and kissed him.

"I love you, darling from the very beginning and every single lifetime to come." He let go of the kiss and hugged you tight, closing his eyes, until you disappeared not knowing he was hugging his own.

Opening his eyes, the rain was long gone, and what remained were the flowers in the bushes, the ponds, the fish, and him. Maybe… just maybe he will bring you and the other victims to light.

Until then, this one last encounter and goodbye will make him content. He was sure… that finally his love will be at rest.

[jt1674]

[honeyedmiller]

A Burning Desire part nine

firefighter!joel miller x f!reader

series masterlist

synopsis: inevitable trials and tribulations ensue with joel and tommy’s return from san angelo.

rating: 18+, minors do not interact

word count: 9.2k

warnings: lots of angst and emotions, trauma responses, mentions and descriptions of death, mentions of burns on a body, mentions of cause of death, funeral, family fluff, mentions of pregnancy (reader’s sister), no use of y/n.

a/n: this is my first real crack at writing angst like this, so i hope i did a decent job. hope you enjoy <3

You: Hey, are you free tonight after work by any chance?

Maria: Absolutely. What’s up?

You: I want to take you on a drive. I have a plan and I want to tell you all about it.

-

You’re grateful Maria doesn’t ask too many questions, because she agreed to your proposal and left it at that. 

It’s Friday, and since Sarah will be with her friends from the soccer team, it’ll just be you and Maria in the house. 

It’s a day shy of a month since Joel and Tommy left, and your heart aches at the empty spot beside you in the bed when you wake up and go to sleep. You never consider yourself to be a clingy person, but since Joel’s accident months ago, the worry in you clings to your body like Saran Wrap. 

He still checks in every night as promised, but seeing him over a screen instead of having him physically by your side is a vastly different thing. 

Maria comes home around four and she’s by your side ready to go an hour later. 

You both enjoy the late golden afternoon sun and music softly playing in the background for fifteen minutes before Maria asks you the burning question. 

“So what’s this about?” She asks, the warm air whipping through the rolled down windows of your car. It’s early May, and summer is quickly approaching. 

“So you know that car accident I got into nine months ago?” You ask, taking the exit off the highway, beginning to head into the countryside. 

She nods. “Mhm.” 

“So it turns out, whoever hit me is some big wig’s kid. The parents cut me a check and it’s sitting in my underwear drawer as we speak,” you explain. 

“Oh shit. How much is the check? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

You shake your head and wave a hand. “Not at all. But that’s the fucking insane part. They wrote me a check for half a million fucking dollars, Maria.” 

Her jaw pops open. She stares at you from the passenger seat in utter disbelief, and you roll your lips into your mouth to keep from laughing, because you know just how insane this all sounds. It’s exactly how you felt when you opened the envelope. 

“What the fuck?” Is all she responds, and you nod. 

“I said the same thing.” 

“Have you told anyone about this?” 

You shake your head. “You’re the first person.” 

“Well shit,” she laughs breathlessly, “I’m honored.” 

A smile tugs at the corner of your mouth before you puff a breath of air. 

You pull down the ranch road a few minutes later, and the familiar crunch of gravel underneath tires fills the air before you come to a stop, putting the car in park. 

You turn off your car and face her, and she’s looking at you like everything you’ve said is just batshit crazy and unreal. 

Because, in all honesty, it is. 

She finally takes in the surroundings, and furrows her brows. “What is this place?” 

“It’s their uncle’s ranch. Joel took me here in January for a horseback riding date and we’ve been coming back whenever we just need a tiny break from everything.” 

“You two are so in love it makes me sick,” she teases, and you wag your finger at her before pointing to the beautiful engagement ring on her left hand. 

“Don’t even start with me. Tommy looks at you like you’ve hung the moon and stars. He loves you more than life itself.” 

Maria smiles bashfully as she studies the ring that fits perfectly on her finger. 

“Who knew that we’d go from being in cubicles talking about boy troubles to finding our men that would lead us here years later,” she laughs. “Happy and with the loves of our lives. Isn’t that crazy?” 

“It really is. I’m so happy you’ve found someone who treats you with love and respect. Tommy is so infatuated with you. Rightfully so.” 

“And Joel with you. I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at you. The eyes never lie.” 

You huff a laugh and shake your head, heart clenching in your chest at how much you miss him. 

“I’m sure you won’t be too far behind either,” she says, and you tilt your head to the side in confusion. She lifts her left hand, sun reflecting off the oval-shaped diamond sitting on her finger. It sparkles brilliantly and you can’t help but smile. 

“Thank you for encouraging me throughout the months. I really appreciate you validating my feelings and understanding my hesitancy with my relationship with Joel when it was brand new. My ex was—is—a piece of shit who destroyed my confidence and made me truly believe I’d never find true love.” 

Maria clasps her hands over yours, giving them a squeeze of reassurance. 

“I don’t know what came over me at the coffee shop that first day Joel and I met. It wasn’t even the uniform. I paid for his coffee as a small thank you for what he does, but it was his kind eyes and smile that did me in. I’ve been a goner since then.” 

Maria smiles at you adoringly, and you nod your head toward the ranch. “Joel told me his uncle was thinking of selling the ranch,” you start, and Maria gasps. 

“No way. No freaking way,” she says, and you actively see the wheels turning in her head, putting the pieces of the puzzle together. 

“You’re going to see about buying it, aren’t you?” 

You nod. 

“I am. This place means so much to Joel and Tommy and I can’t bear the thought of not allowing them the chance of carrying it on in their family. This is the perfect place to raise a family, to make new memories to add to the ones they both have as little boys here.” 

“My god, woman. Joel is going to lose his mind. He’ll love this.” 

“You think so?” 

“Absolutely. This place is so near and dear to his heart. I don’t see why he wouldn’t love it.” 

“I just want him to be happy.” 

Maria moves a hand to your shoulder, dark brown eyes staring into yours with a fierceness. 

“He is happy, honey. You make him happy.” 

Your nose twitches to get rid of the burn, the threat of tears stinging behind your eyeballs. 

“Now c’mon,” she says, jutting her chin toward the beautiful two story home. 

You both make your way to the front door before you knock on it, and a couple of minutes later an older gentleman with a big white mustache and a black cowboy hat on his head answers the door. 

He looks between you and Maria and furrows his eyebrows, and you shoot him a big smile. 

“Hi, Robert Miller?” You ask, and he nods. 

“I’m sorry to have bothered you. We’re Joel and Tommy’s partners,” you explain, waving a hand between your body and Maria’s. 

“Ah, so you’re the young ladies who have my nephews all smitten,” he says, grinning at you both. 

You laugh and nod. 

“What can I do you ladies for?” He asks. 

“I wanted to talk to you and see if you were still thinking about selling the ranch.” 

-

The next day, you and Maria sit on the couch with a glass of wine in your palms as you discuss small details she’d want in her wedding. You’re both so lost in conversation that you don’t notice the front door unlocking. 

It swings open to reveal two very exhausted Miller brothers, and you almost drop your glass at the sight of them both. 

“Oh my god,” you cry, putting your cup down on the coaster in front of you, springing to your feet. Maria follows suit, and you both glance at each other in disbelief. 

“Miss us?” Tommy smirks, and Maria rolls her watery eyes while she pushes herself into his body. 

“Like hell,” you say, launching yourself into Joel’s arms. He hugs you so tightly, and you almost can’t believe he’s here. 

You breathe in his scent, tears stinging your eyes once again. 

“Fuck, I can’t believe you’re here,” you parrot your thoughts, sobbing into Joel’s neck. 

He runs his hand soothingly down your back, kissing your hair repeatedly. 

He doesn’t say anything, but you can feel it in his body language—he needs to hold you right now. 

Your arms squeeze him tighter, one hand raking up to the curls at the base of his neck. You separate your head from his body with a lilting smile. 

“You need a haircut,” you tease, and you feel the way he huffs a laugh before cradling the back of your head. You look into his eyes and notice a sadness that wasn’t there before he left. There’s no familiar spark of joy.

He looks almost… haunted. 

It was evident that something happened while they were in San Angelo.

And with that realization, a gut wrenching, nauseating feeling permeates throughout your entire body. 

You scratch Joel’s scalp with your fingertips in a soothing motion, just the way he likes it. 

“Fuck. I’m ready to go home and take the longest nap of my life,” Tommy groans. 

Your lips twitch in slight amusement, and Maria laughs against his chest as she pulls apart from him. 

“Let’s get you home then, handsome.” 

You smile at them as they leave toward the guest bedroom where Maria’s stuff is. 

Your eyes shift back to Joel as soon as they’re out of sight. 

“Let’s get you settled in, hm?” You ask, kissing the tip of his nose. He manages a smile and nods, and you take his duffel bag from his hands. 

He opens his mouth to protest, but you put a finger to his lips to shush him. “No lip from you, Miller. You need your rest. Now get your fine ass upstairs,” you instruct. 

It pulls a genuine chuckle from Joel, and your heart fucking swoons at the noise. It’s so good to have him back in front of you. He’s tangible. Not behind a screen. 

“Where’s Sarah?” 

“She’s taking a nap in her room. She’s going to be so excited to see you.” 

Joel kisses your head before he treads upstairs and you take his duffel bag to the laundry room, sorting the clothes correctly before starting a load. You catch Tommy and Maria on their way out, hugging them and kissing them both on the cheek. 

Joel is halfway down the stairs again before you round the corner, and he stops in his tracks. 

“Come to bed with me. Please. I missed you so much,” he says. His voice is quiet. Solemn. 

You nod and head upstairs with him, getting comfortable under the lightweight comforter that adorns your shared bed. 

You’re facing each other, and you both lay there while looking into each other’s eyes. 

“Honey,” you coo, reaching a hand out to stroke his cheek. “What happened out there?” 

The look on his face is soul-crushing. His eyes instantly gloss over and he shakes his head, pulling you close as he rests his head on your chest. He takes a few deep breaths, inhaling your scent before kissing the skin there. 

You sigh and rub his back soothingly, not wanting to rush him or force him to talk about something he isn’t ready to vocalize. 

You also worry about him pushing you away, too. You promised him early on in your relationship that he could come to you with anything, especially if it was about work. 

You sigh and kiss his curls, worry slinking through your veins. 

Just give it time. 

-

They say time heals all wounds. 

You’re not so sure about that. 

It’s been a month since Joel and Tommy’s return, and Joel is…different. 

He still won’t talk about what happened out there, and he’s been pulling away more and more. He’s less talkative, less affectionate, more withdrawn. He doesn’t smile as much, either, and to see it all happening right before you absolutely obliterates your heart and crushes your soul.

You never want to see him hurting, but he simply won’t open up to you—or anyone, for that matter. Tommy tells you that they fought some gnarly fires out in San Angelo, and there were two unfortunate deaths in other firehouses, so that might be what’s shaken Joel up.

You try and make sense of it all, piecing the puzzle together for Joel’s behavior, and you can imagine he saw something that nobody should ever have to see in their lifetime. 

Today, he and Tommy are attending the funeral of one of the men who passed away. You and Maria were asked to go for moral support, which of course you two didn’t turn down. You watch Joel in the mirror as he fumbles with his collar, and you step up behind him to put your hands on his shoulders. 

He tenses under your touch and you immediately pull your hands away, a small frown forming on your lips. He’s never tensed at your touch. He turns around slowly, wordlessly, and looks at you with an apology clear as day in his eyes. 

You reach up again, hesitant this time, but Joel grabs your wrists and holds your hands on his chest. 

You slide your hands up to fix his collar, tucking it into his suit jacket. His Class A uniform adorns his body, and if it were under any other circumstance, you’d tell him how good he looks. 

But you resort to straightening his lapels and his badge that sits on the left side of his uniform. Your eyes drift down as you run your fingers over the gold buttons of his jacket. You step back from him, giving him a once-over. His gloves and hat lay on the bed, so you retrieve them for him before meeting his gaze once again. 

It kills you to see the man you love hurting so much, and you wish you could do more than offer your comfort. You know it’s not enough, but you really don’t want to stir the pot by asking him to open up to you and tell you how you can help him. 

Maybe it was him reverting to his old ways, staying closed off like he would with his ex. Except you’ve made it abundantly clear that he didn’t need to do that anymore.

His gaze softens the longer he looks at you, and he opens his mouth to say something, but it snaps shut as soon as he hears the front door open. You clear your throat and give him a forced smile, turning to walk downstairs. You greet Tommy and Maria at the door, and immediately Maria clocks that something’s incredibly wrong. 

Her eyebrows furrow as she looks at you, and your lips wobble a little before sighing, holding back the tears. She links her arm with yours and steps outside with you, walking toward Tommy’s truck. 

“Talk to me, honey,” she coos, and a single tear slips from your eyes as you look up at the bright blue sky. 

“He still won’t talk to me about it, Maria. He’s shutting me out and it’s fucking killing me. I don’t want to force him to talk about it, but I don’t know what to do.” The column of your throat works as you swallow harshly, sniffling as you try and will away the rest of the tears that want to escape. 

“He’s been distant in general, too. He tensed up at my touch today. Usually he’s all over me, but for the past month, he’s barely even put his hands on me. I don’t know if this is his way of shutting down, but I want to do something to help him before he completely spirals.” 

“Fuck,” she sighs under her breath, pulling you into a hug. 

“Well I wanna distract your mind right now. Have you heard from Robert yet about the ranch?” She keeps her voice low as she watches for Tommy and Joel. They’re still inside, probably talking. 

You blink. “Oh, yeah,” you start, “He agreed. It’s thirty acres of land. He said seventy five was good, and I tried to offer him a full one hundred but he refused me and said it was too much and that he was happy to sell it so it could stay in the family.” 

“Oh wow, that’s amazing. So how long is the process going to take?” 

“I’m not sure, actually, but I got his phone number before we left so he and I could stay in touch.”

Tommy and Joel come out of the house, and their expressions—two complete opposites of each other—take you aback. 

Tommy looks pissed with a scowl on his face and Joel looks sad. Defeated, almost. 

“Everything all good here?” Maria asks, raising an eyebrow. You look between the two brothers, and Tommy unlocks his truck. 

“All good,” he grumbles. Joel opens the back door for you and you slide in, and he takes his seat next to you. Tommy’s truck roars to life and you’re all on your way. 

A few minutes after Tommy gets onto the freeway, Joel slides his hand over to yours and grabs it, giving it a soft squeeze. Your gaze snaps to him, forgetting all about the flatland that surrounds you outside the car that you were so intently staring at. 

He holds your hand the rest of the way there. You four make your way to the church, and Tommy and Joel sit with some of their coworkers and captain while you and Maria sit more toward the back, wanting to respect the attendees and the man’s whole firehouse. 

It’s a beautiful but devastating ceremony, and even from back where you’re sitting you can see Joel’s shoulders stiffen, body taut throughout the whole ceremony. 

You worry your bottom lip between your teeth, and only when everyone goes into the next room to eat some food do you straighten out your worried expression. 

“I need a drink,” Joel mutters beside you, and you look at him with that same worried expression once again. Him drinking while he was in this mental state didn’t seem like the best combination. 

You’re not sure where the line is drawn between being a truly concerned girlfriend and telling him that probably isn’t the greatest idea, and coming off as too controlling or overbearing. 

Tommy shoots Joel a warning look. You try and wrap your hand gently around Joel’s forearm, and he flinches again. You sigh and let go of him, trying to puzzle together what’s going on in his mind and his actions that are quite frankly starting to give you whiplash. 

“Tommy, can I borrow the keys to your truck really quick?” You ask, and he gives you a small smile before fishing the keys out of his pocket and putting them into the palm of your hand. 

You mumble a small thank you before you head back to the parking lot, unlocking the truck before sliding into the backseat. You lean forward and stick the key into the ignition to crack the windows down a smidgen before fully slumping into the bench of the back seat. 

You scrub your hands over your face, mental exhaustion hitting you all at once. As much as you hate to admit it, you need an ounce of space. Maybe Joel does too, because he seems to be pushing you away more and more. 

You’re trying to be understanding and patient with him, but you’ve never seen this part of him—the part where he knows dark clouds are looming over his mind all day, and he chokes up on simply talking about what happened that made him curl in on himself. 

You slip your phone out of your purse, tapping on the family group chat. 

You: Hey guys. I know it’s last minute, but is anyone up for a family dinner tonight? 

Dad: Ok 

Mom: Hi sweetie. Absolutely. Our house? Six o’clock?

Emi: Heck yeah. One last family hoorah looking like a watermelon is in my tummy. 

Cole: I’m in. Just strictly family? 

Andy: Why? You wanna bring your new girlfriend? 

Cole: Not around you, jerk. 

Andy: Oh c’mon, she’s gotta meet the Brady Bunch, as Shadow called it, sooner or later. I’m in, btw. I miss mom’s cooking. 

Emi: You’re both airheads. But I agree, your cooking is missed, mama. 

Cole: That’s rude. Just know I’m rolling my eyes at all of you. Except Mom and Dad.

You: I didn’t even do anything. 

Cole: Doesn’t matter. You’re automatically affiliated with the other goons. Is Joel coming too? 

You: Nope, just me tonight. Sorry you can’t hang out with your boyfriend. 

Andy: What a shame. Guess I won’t get all dolled up for tonight after all. 

Mom: Enough, all of you. Can’t wait to see my babies tonight. <3

Andy: Who taught Mom the heart emoticon? 

A laugh turned sob evades your throat, and a tear slips down your cheek. You miss your family so much, and you know tonight will make you feel better. You let a few more tears slip before you gather your bearings, wiping the tears away and slipping out of the truck. 

You just needed a moment away. A moment where people couldn’t see you crying. You suppose it wouldn’t look too odd considering you’re at a funeral, but crying over someone you literally don’t even know would probably attract attention and garner more confusion than needed. 

You slip back into the crowd, easily finding Tommy and Joel before handing Tommy the keys back to his truck. 

“Everything okay?” Tommy asks. He cocks a concerned brow at your glassy eyes. 

Your sniffle is a dead giveaway. “Yeah,” you say softly, and Tommy glares at Joel because he knows you’re not telling the truth. 

“Wanna head out soon?” Tommy asks everyone, and Maria grabs your arm gently and nods, walking ahead of the brothers with you in tow. 

“I’m gonna give him a little bit of space tonight,” you say to her, and she looks at you understandingly. 

“If you need to crash at mine and Tommy’s, you’re always more than welcome,” she says. 

You give her a small smile and lightly squeeze her arm. 

“Thank you. I’m going over to my folks’ place tonight. We’re gonna have a family dinner.” 

“That sounds really nice. Tell them I say hi.” 

“Tell who you say hi?” Tommy asks. 

“Nosey,” Maria scolds him, making you laugh. 

“My family. We’re having dinner tonight at my parents' place. One last gathering before my sister has her baby.” 

“That’s so nice. Tell them I say hi too,” Tommy grins. You give him a nod and glance at Joel, and the sad look in his eyes fucking kills you. 

The ride back home is silent until you give Maria and Tommy a kiss on the cheek goodbye before heading inside, Joel hot on your trail. 

You make it into the kitchen before you hear the gravelly sound of his voice. 

“Baby,” Joel calls out, and your eyes close and at the sound of the pet name. 

You spin around, gripping onto the countertop to keep yourself steady. 

“I’m just having dinner with my family tonight, Joel. To give you some space.” 

“I don’t need—” He sighs, slumping down onto a chair at the dining table. “I don’t need space,” he finishes. 

“Then what do you need, Joel?” Your eyes sting once again and you look up at the ceiling.

“Listen. I’m trying to be patient and let you come to me on your own time, but you’re just pushing me further away. I’m so sorry for whatever happened out there. I know I can’t resonate with what you’re going through, and I wish I knew the right things to say. But I’m telling you I’m here for you, Joel. You don’t need to bottle up what you’re feeling around me. I want you to feel comfortable telling me these things, but I don’t want to force it out of you. So I’m giving you a little bit of space.” 

You scrub your hands over your face again, a lone tear falling down your cheek. 

“I love you so much, Joel. It kills me seeing you like this. I miss you. Sarah misses you.” 

“Fuck,” he murmurs under his breath. His head is hung low between his shoulder blades, elbows on his knees as he knots his hands together and fidgets them anxiously. 

You push yourself off of the counter and round it to kneel in front of him. You cover his hands with yours, bringing his knuckles up to your mouth to kiss them tenderly. 

“I promise I’m not trying to make you feel guilt or anything. I’m just being honest with you. I love you, Joel. I’m not going anywhere. I just want to know how to help you.” 

You give his knuckles one last kiss before standing up, making your way upstairs to get ready for dinner with your family. 

You come back downstairs half an hour later. Joel is still in the same spot, and you want to cry at the sight. 

You walk over to him and his head shoots up. You didn’t realize how tired he looks until now. Dark circles adorn the space underneath his eyes and his beautiful brown irises are still void of the light you wish you could put back in them. 

He reaches out for your hand, gently coaxing you to sit on one of his thighs. You lean into him, running a hand through his soft curls while kissing his temple repeatedly. 

You sit like that for a while, and this is what he might need, you think. To just sit in silence and physically be touching you while he sorts his thoughts. He turns his head to kiss your bare shoulder before leaning his forehead down on it. 

“I love you so much, sweet girl. I’m so sorry.” His voice is hoarse, a pang of guilt and disappointment laced into his tone. 

“I love you too, Joel. We’ll get through this. And I have every faith that you’ll get through this, too. Just please, please don’t shut me out. Let me be your escape. Tell me how I can help.”

”That’s just the thing, though. I don’t know how I can be helped, and I certainly don’t want to put that burden onto you. I don’t want to be a burden, even though I know I already am.” 

You sharply inhale at his words, pulling away from him as you search his eyes. His brows are furrowed and he’s frowning, almost like he’s frustrated. Not with you, though. With himself. 

“Joel Miller, you are not a burden, you hear me? This may be a rough time, but you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling,” you sigh. You pause, rolling your lips into your mouth as you carefully contemplate your next words. 

“Everyone copes differently, and if you don’t ever want to talk about what happened, then I simply need to respect that. But I am your partner, Joel, which means you don’t need to go through this alone. I need you to know that and understand that I wouldn’t ever force you into talking about something you weren’t ready to speak about, nor would I belittle you if you choose to speak about it. It just hurts to see you pull away or flinch at my touch. I want to be your peace, your safe space. Please let me be that for you.”

You both stew in the silence afterwards, your words lingering in the air. 

”What did I do to deserve you?” He whispers, and you shake your head. 

You kiss his temple one more time before getting off of his lap, and this time, he’s hesitant to let you go. You feel like staying too, but you really need to do this—give each other space for a few hours. Plus, you miss your family a lot and you could really use a few laughs and positive energy right now. 

“I’ll be home in a few hours, okay?” Your voice is almost a whisper. He nods and you walk out of the front door without looking back at him, because you know if you do, those big brown eyes will lure you right back to him just like they have from day one. 

-

You walk in through the front door of your parents’ house, slipping off your sandals before making your way into the kitchen where you hear a couple of voices. 

“There she is!” Your mom says, and you can’t help but smile. 

“Hi Mama,” you say, hugging her and kissing her cheek. 

“Hey baby girl,” your dad says, giving you a hug. 

Your eyes lock on Emily, and she’s absolutely glowing. Her hand is rubbing her stomach soothingly, and you make your way around the counter to bend down and kiss her stomach. She chuckles before you envelope her in a hug. 

“Are you excited?” You ask. Her due date is in a couple of weeks, and you’re all waiting for the day you get to meet your nephew. 

“I am, but I want this baby out of me. Josh has been a saint taking care of me.” 

“As he should. You’re literally growing life inside you,” you deadpan. But you know Josh has and always will take care of your sister. 

“I know. Isn’t that crazy? It’s even weirder when he moves and kicks.” 

You smile at her, taking a seat next to her at the dining room table. 

Her voice drops an octave as she leans in, grabbing your hand. 

“Is everything okay?” 

Fuck, she knows you like the back of her hand. 

“Is it that obvious?” You reply, eyes meeting hers. 

“Maybe not to the others, but I know you better than anyone, and I can tell something is wrong. Something seems… off.” 

“Maybe it’s because I’m on the brink of insanity.” 

She laughs at that, giving your hand a squeeze. 

“Let’s go insane together. What’s on your mind?” She asks, keeping her voice low enough so nobody else can hear. 

“Joel and I are going through a rough patch, but we’re… handling it.” 

Emily’s eyebrows furrow before she sighs.

”I don’t want to pry and stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but I hope whatever it is you’re going through gets better.” 

You’re thankful your sister isn’t prying, honestly. You really don’t think you have the energy to talk about this with another person anyway. Maria, and you presume Tommy, knowing about what’s going on is already enough. This is something you need to take care of on your own. 

The front door opens and your brothers walk through. “Ah, just in time. Dinner is ready,” your mom says, her and your dad setting everything on the table. 

“I could’ve helped with that, Ma,” you say, and she waves her hand. 

“It’s okay. I’m just happy you’re all here. I can’t remember the last time it was just us six,” she says. 

Andy and Cole sit across from you and Emi, while your mom and dad take each end of the table. 

“Hey sweet pea, how are Joel and Tommy doing? We have to get together soon and celebrate them being home now,” your mom says. 

You almost physically flinch at the idea. Emily finds your hand under the table again and squeezes it, and you squeeze right back. 

You really don’t know how to answer that question. You could tell the truth, or you could avoid putting Joel’s business out there. You choose Joel. 

“They’re alright, just settling back in. I know they’re happy to be home.” 

Your voice strangles around the lie, and your mom almost looks suspicious, but she lets it go… for now. 

“Well I’m glad they’re both home safe,” she says. 

You give her a small smile. “Me too.” 

Everyone jumps into conversation about what Emily and Josh’s plans are for when the baby is ready to make his official debut into the world. 

Emily doesn’t let go of your hand once. 

You zone out for a bit, missing some of the conversation until Emi’s stern voice catches your attention. 

“Word of advice. Don’t piss off a severely pregnant woman, Andy.” Emi glares at your brother while pointing her fork in his direction, and you and Cole look at each other, trying to suppress a laugh. 

“Men,” you mutter, rolling your eyes. Emily and your mom laugh at that while the other three give you a fake glare. 

“Anyway, it was really good to see all of you. We really should do this more often,” Andy says. 

“Going all soft on us now, brother?” You quirk an eyebrow. You honestly live for the way you can give your brothers shit and they throw it right back to you. It’s all jokes, and at the end of the day, you know they love you—even if they don’t like to admit it out loud. 

“Okay, everyone except Shadow,” Andy rephrases, and your jaw drops in fake offense. 

You shift to grin at him anyway and flip him off, and your mom calls your name in horror as your dad laughs. 

“Not at the table! I swear you four are impossible sometimes,” she huffs. You all laugh, and you reach over to grab her hand. 

“We love you, mama. Thanks for always dealing with our bullshit, even as adults,” you say. She grins and kisses your hand. 

“I’d do anything for my babies. I’m glad y’all still come around even though you’ve all got your own lives.” 

“Damn ma, don’t make us cry,” Andy jokes, and everyone laughs again.

“It’s just nice to do this. It reminds me of when y’all were little. And now you’re all grown, and our family is growing. It’s not very long before Emi and Josh welcome their baby boy into the world, and probably not far off from you and Joel getting engaged to be married and having kids of your own. Cole with his new beau, and Andy, whoever you meet, I hope they keep you in check.”

You bark out a laugh at the last words your mom says, because you told him the exact same thing. You point at him and shake your head. Andy looks at you and rolls his eyes, sighing before looking at your mom. 

“I know, ma. I just wanted to have fun for a little while, but I’m getting too old for that shit now and I really think I want to settle down with someone nice. I don’t want to force anything though, you know? I just want it to happen naturally.” 

You’re stunned by your brother’s words. He’s never been the type anyone can tie down. He’s always been free-spirited and wild, always partying and having fun. Not really giving a flying fuck for as far as the eye can see. 

Hearing him confess this to your mom, in front of everyone for that matter, is refreshing. He deserves to find that once-in-a-lifetime type partner; a true love. 

“And you’ll find them, baby. It’ll happen when you’re not even expecting anything at all. That’s how it happened for your dad and I,” she says, looking at your dad as she finishes. He shoots her a wink from across the table. You smile at the exchange, feeling extremely warm and lucky to have had such a great example of the type of love you’d hoped would find you one day. 

And now it has. And it makes you miss Joel, even though you saw him mere hours ago. You wish he was by your side right now. You’ll both get through this. You love him way too much to ever give up on him—not that that thought had ever crossed your mind in the first place. 

You just want him to be okay. 

-

You’re all stepping out of the front door of your mom and dad’s house, Tupperware in each of your hands as you kiss and hug your parents goodbye. 

“Please text us when you get home, all of you,” your mom says in her stern Mom Voice, and everyone promises they will. Before you can get into your car, Andy calls your name gently. He walks up to your car, and he eyes you conspicuously. 

“Is everything okay with you?” He asks. You furrow your brows, and worry your bottom lip between your teeth. You don’t know why, but your eyes sting terribly and before you know it, silent tears are cascading down your cheeks. You avert your gaze to the side, and Andy sighs before pulling you into a comforting hug. He kisses your hair before rubbing your back. 

You truly can’t say you saw this coming—him noticing something is off, him asking about it, him comforting you in a way you don’t think he ever has. It’s a nice change from the constant jokes, jabs and bickering, though. 

“Do I need to kick some ass?” He asks, and your shoulders shake as you laugh. 

You sniffle and pull apart from him. “No, not today. I’ll be okay. Promise.” 

He raises an eyebrow at you. “You sure? You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you? I know I’m not Emily and all, ‘cus I know how close you two are, but if you ever need anything—and I mean anything, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?” 

You nod at him, sniffling again before giving him another quick hug. You pull apart from him completely, lightly slugging him on the arm to break up the bit of tension. 

“Damn Andy, you really have gone soft,” you tease. He chuckles and rolls his eyes, giving your bicep a squeeze. 

“Shut up.” 

You both laugh, and once you settle down, you give him a serious look. 

“Hey, listen,” you start. “You’ll find your someone. And when you do, just know I’ll be the first to root for you. They’d be lucky to have you.” 

You smile at him, and he returns it before his eyes shoot to the ground. 

“I know I’m not the easiest person to be around sometimes, so this means a lot to me. Thanks, baby sis.” 

You nod and give him one more hug. “People who think you’re hard to be around just don’t know you like your family does, Andy. You’re a great guy. Maybe a pain in the ass sometimes,” you both chuckle at that, “But you’ve secretly got a big heart behind that ‘I-don’t-give-a-fuck’ exterior that you have going on. Maybe it’s time you drop that façade and show the world how kindhearted you really are.” 

This time you give his arm a reassuring squeeze, and he smiles at you. 

“I needed to hear that. Thank you. I love you, okay? Tell Joel and Sarah I send my love.” 

You nod, opening your car door. “I love you too. And I will. Drive safe,” you say, before getting into your car to drive back home. 

-

You open the door and slip your sandals off once again, locking the lock before padding into the living room to see the TV playing the rolling credits to a movie. Joel and Sarah are on the couch, both knocked out cold. Her head rests on his shoulder and his head rests on top of hers. You smile at the sight, slinking into the kitchen to put the plentiful leftovers your mom sent home with you into the fridge, trying to be as quiet as possible. 

You send a quick text to your family group chat letting everyone know you got home safe, seeing your siblings texted the same thing a few minutes prior. 

You make your way back into the living room, maneuvering over between the coffee table and couch to pull up the blanket that had fallen down. You drape it over their bodies, giving them both a kiss on the forehead before you make your way upstairs. You do your night routine before slipping into Joel’s old Texas A&M shirt and some sleep shorts, getting comfortable in bed. 

You don’t know how long it is before you feel the other side of the bed—Joel’s side—dip with his weight, throwing the sheet you had over your body over his too. You stir a bit and blink your tired eyes open, turning to look at him as your eyes adjust to the darkness in the room. 

“Joel?” You murmur, voice thick with exhaustion. Your eyes glance over him to see the red blinking numbers on the alarm clock on his nightstand—4:36 a.m.

“Shh, go back to sleep honeybee,” he whispers, and you turn back around before he kisses your neck, pulling you into his body. Your heart bursts at the contact. It’s something you’ve missed terribly. You find it easier to fall asleep in his embrace, and before you know it, you’re out like a light once again. 

-

You wake the next day to the bed empty beside you. You frown before pressing the palms of your hands into your eyes, rubbing them to wake yourself up a bit more. You sit up before blinking, and your phone buzzing on your nightstand catches your attention. You go into the bathroom and quickly freshen up for the day before heading back to the nightstand to retrieve your phone. 

You pick it up, and gasp to see that it’s nearly twelve in the afternoon. You didn’t realize how late it was. 

You tap on the notification to see a text from Tommy, which makes your heart drop to your ass. 

Tommy: Hey there little lady. Is Joel at home with you?

You get out of bed to realize that there’s no sign of him. You check everywhere upstairs before making your way downstairs in a slight panic, looking through every room and space before realizing he’s not here. Wasn’t he supposed to be at work? 

You realize Sarah isn’t home, either. 

You: Hey Tommy. He isn’t here. I thought he was at work?

You shoot Sarah a quick text to see where she’s at too, and she replies that she’s spending a few days over at her friend Katie’s house. Partial relief floods through you that she’s safe, but you worry about Joel. 

Tommy: He left work early today. Told Cap he wasn’t feeling well. 

Fuck. 

You: How long ago was this?

Tommy: A couple of hours ago. 

Tommy: Fuck, don’t tell me my brother is missing. 

You sigh as you stare at the words on your screen, but ailment flees your body as realization dawns on you. 

You: I think I might know where he’s at. 

Tommy: Thank god. Please let me know if he’s safe. 

You: Will do.

You don’t even think about changing your clothes—you throw your phone into your purse, slip on your flip flops that are by the front door, and snag your car keys from the bowl on the entryway side table. 

You lock up before getting into your car, starting toward the ranch. You may be breaking a couple of laws by how fast you’re driving, but in this moment, you couldn’t give two fucks. All that mattered was getting to Joel. Making sure he’s okay. 

Well, okay in a physical sense. 

You silently hope that he’s actually where you think he is. Panic slinks through your bones at the thought of him not being there, but you trudge ahead anyway. Your pulse thrums quickly, music in your car drowned out by your thoughts and blood pounding in your ears. 

You turn down the ranch road, speeding up even more before the familiar sound of gravel crunches under your tires. 

Relief floods your body when you see Joel’s truck. You throw your car in park next to it, hopping out and scanning the area only to find him perched up underneath a tree in the shade facing the creek. You shoot Tommy a quick text letting him know Joel is okay, and you pause to stare at him for a second. 

You close your eyes and sigh, making your way over to him. You tread lightly, almost as if you’d startle him if you walked up too fast. 

You hear a soft melody, and as you get closer to him, you realize he’s strumming a familiar tune on his guitar. His eyes are closed and he’s tapping a foot to the rhythm of the song.

“Hey there, cowboy,” you say softly, and his eyes shoot open. He looks up at you in pure shock. 

“How’d you know I was over here?” He asks, and you take a seat beside him, leaning back against the large trunk of the tree. 

“Tommy said you left work early. Asked me if you were home. Pretty sure you can fill in the blanks.” 

“I can always count on my little brother to be in my business.” He rolls his eyes and sighs, propping the guitar up on the other side of him. 

“He’s just looking out for you, Joel. He loves you and wants to make sure you’re okay.” 

“Okay.” He scoffs at the word.

You roll your lips into your mouth and sigh, looking out at the creek. Silence falls between you both, and you feel Joel’s eyes take in your appearance, but you don’t look at him. You look at the glistening water, focus on the birds singing their songs, horses snorting and whinnying in the distance. 

There’s a closeness here—a familiarity that has settled in the land, everything it has to offer wrapping a comfort around you both like a weighted blanket. A nice, welcome sort of relaxation. 

You think about telling Joel about how you’re buying the land from his uncle. How this will someday be your everyday norm. How you can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with him, have kids with him, create new memories here with him and your family. But you keep that little secret locked up for now. 

It’s silent for a little while longer, enjoying the sounds of nature before Joel’s gruff voice cuts through the air. 

“We were up in a helicopter to get an aerial view of the bigger fire,” he starts, and your gaze snaps to him. Your heart starts to pound against your ribcage as you realize he’s telling you what’s been ailing him the past several weeks. 

You’re deadly silent. As still as a statue. You freeze, because you don’t want to disrupt him in any way shape or form. 

“We got back down on the ground after assessing it, many of us were partnered up in groups of five to try and tackle the fire from multiple angles. We got it under control after a few hours, and our captains wanted us to switch teams. I was walkin’ back to base when Johnny—the man whose funeral we attended—collapsed right next to me. He had no heartbeat. We tried to resuscitate him, but we’d come to find burns on his chest and abdomen. He wasn’t wearin’ his gear properly. We don’t know if it was from exhaustion, from carelessness, or whatever the case may have been. Crazy part is, he didn’t die from the burns. He died from extensive smoke inhalation.” 

You swallow and reach for his hand, and he grips onto yours like a vice. You don’t say anything, silently urging him to continue.

“I was lookin’ into the eyes of this man—somebody’s son, somebody’s husband, somebody’s father,” he sighs, bringing his knees up toward his chest. He rests his elbows on his knees, letting go of your hand before digging the palms of his hands into his eyes before he continues.  “All I kept thinkin’ at that moment was that it could've been me.” 

He takes a few breaths before dangling his arms off of his knees, glossy eyes looking up at the bright blue sky. 

“When I first started this job, I didn’t have a kid or a partner to worry about. It was just Tommy and I against the world. Two reckless, young fools who love to help people,” a dry, crackled chuckle evades his throat. 

“But then we got older. And then Sarah came along. Maria came along for Tommy. You came along for me. And I just… I wanna be there for the milestones that life has to offer every single one of us. I wanna see my little brother get married to the love of his life. I wanna send my baby girl off to college. I wanna marry you someday soon and grow our family with you. I wanna get to grow old with you, and be by your side as our grandchildren surround us one day. I can’t have any of that if I’m doin’ a job that won’t guarantee me tomorrow.”

 A tear slips down his cheek, and you want so badly to reach over and wipe it away just as he does for you, but your limbs feel like steel and you’re finding it harder to breathe normally as you soak in every single one of his words. 

“It’s taken me nearly twenty years of doing this job to finally realize this. Sarah knocked a heap load of sense into me last night, and Tommy ripped me a new one the day of the funeral,” he says, and you raise your eyebrows in shock. Pride blooms in your chest at the fact that Sarah finally talked to Joel about how she really felt about all of this, but you wonder what Tommy must’ve told him. 

“Johnny was only twenty-eight. Had two beautiful kids and a wife and his whole fuckin’ life ahead of him. I saw the life leave his eyes as he collapsed right next to me, and the sickest part is that after I had called it in and we tried our best to revive him but to no avail, I had to carry on because I had a job I still needed to do. A duty I needed to fulfill. When we were at his funeral, and god, I know this sounds so fuckin’ twisted, all I could think about was that it could’ve been my picture being displayed. My body in the casket. My partner and daughter and my family, or fuck, even my firehouse in absolute shambles because I didn’t make it home. How does someone carry on like that, knowin’ it could’ve been them instead?” 

His voice cracks at the last words, and you’re quick to wrap your arms around him. You don’t know how long you stay like that, just holding him and almost rocking him soothingly while he lets out all of the pent up sadness and frustration that’s been wracking his body, mind and soul for far too long. 

Every time you think you have something to say to soothe him, the words die on your tongue. Because what is there to say to someone who’s experienced traumatizing things over and over again? How do you consolidate someone who’s seen more fatalities, more accidents, more devastation than a single person has seen in multiple lifetimes? 

“If I could take away all of your pain, I would in a heartbeat,” you finally say. He gives your body a light squeeze before pulling away from you, brown eyes full of sadness. 

“I wouldn’t wish this shit on anyone, baby.”

You nod in understanding. He sighs, maneuvering your body over his as he drops his legs to stretch out in front of him. You’re straddling him now, knees digging into the plush grass that surrounds the tree. 

You lean your forehead against his, hands landing on his strong chest—right where you can feel the strong beat of his heart. You roll your head right to left against his, sighing as your hands travel up to the sides of his neck. Your touch is gentle, and you swipe a thumb over the side of his throat, back down to where his warm, tan skin dips in at the base of the front of his throat. 

“Thank you for opening up to me, Joel. I know it isn’t easy for you to talk about these things, so you telling me all of this means the world to me,” you say, pulling your forehead away from his. “I love you so much.” 

The column of his throat works as he swallows, and his hands move to circle around your waist. He pulls you closer to his body, and your eyes flutter shut at the closeness. God, you’ve missed this so much. You’ve missed him so much. 

“I love you. I am so sorry I ever put you through any of that, baby. You didn’t deserve that, and believe me, I’m not proud of how I shut down and tried to handle this situation on my own. I keep forgettin’—no, forbidding that it’s okay to ask for help.” 

You gently grab his face in your hands, thumbs sweeping over the peaks of his cheekbones. “You don’t need to apologize, Joel. I’m sorry if I was too pushy or sounded ungrateful that you didn’t want to talk about this. I just worry about you and your wellbeing so much. I didn’t want you to lose yourself in all of this, but all of this clearly stems back further than I ever even knew.” 

You pause for a beat. Then, you kiss the tip of his nose. “I admire you, you know,” you start, and he leans back with a frown and furrowed brows. 

“Admire me?” 

You nod your head. “You’ve been through so much shit in your life, and you still manage to love the way you do. Look out for others the way you do. Care for people the way you do. You’re a resilient, brave man, Mr. Miller. And I admire the courage it takes to do a job as daunting as this one, showing up for every shift even after everything it’s put you through. And look, we can—we can find someone for you to talk to about all of this. Someone who’s trained and equipped to help you professionally, if that’s what you’d like. Just so you at least don’t need to carry the weight of…this… on your shoulders anymore,” you offer.

You kiss his cheek, and his eyes flutter shut at the feeling. 

He peels them open again, and Joel scans your face for a few silent minutes. You take the time to do the same. Your eyes roam over every freckle, every tiny scar, every beautiful feature that adorns him. There’s a slight sparkle back in his eyes, the one that you’ve silently hoped and wished would return again. It’s small, but it’s there. And it’s all yours to see at this very moment. He leans forward and kisses you softly, but there’s so much emotion behind it. An unspoken gratitude, a neediness, an unforgettable type of love. 

There’s that look of pure love and devotion stricken clear as day on his face once again as he seemingly admires you. It’s the look that you’ve been longing to see. 

The look that’s stronger than love. 

And then he goes and says something that knocks the air clean out of your lungs, flipping your world around completely. 

“Marry me.” 

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[manitat]

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Hard On For Love

[violet-eng]

REMEMBER ME POOKIE? (THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FOLLOWING I APPRECIATE IT ♡♡♡♡

So Just think about it if zongli is your boyfriend right image he shows his dragon parts to u like tail and tongue scales horns👹👹👹

And dragon is a type of lizard so dose that mean he breeds whit his tongue and tail and he always wears gloves JUST THINK ABOUT WHAT GOODIES ARE UNDER THERE😚😚😚 GROWING FINGERS.

do u think he has 2 cocks?

You.Need.Jesus... And so do I...

About the 2 cocks thing... I asked an expert (my college friend) and she said yes...

Btw I took a little creative freedom bc I had this "jealous scenario" long ago and wanted to try again some interaction with hybrid Zhongli.

Also, in case you want something more casual then just tell me and I'll give it a try.

Order ready. Enjoy.

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Jealous Hybrid! ¡Zhongli! x fem!reader | NSFW 🔞

Summary: You traveled to Fontaine where you became close friends with Neuvillette. That's why when you return to Liyue and Zhongli SMELLS Neuvillette in your clothes, he goes feral and (basically what was previously asked).

Warning: smut 🔞. MDNI. Established relationship. Dirty talk. Does this count as fucking a monster? Zhongli hybrid sex. size kink. Incorrect use of the dragon's tail (not just once, but twice 🎶fancyyy🎶). Two cocks. Piv, anal. Fingering. Does tail sucking count as a bJob? Unprotected sex. Overstimulation. Dacryphilia. Basically, daddy Geo goes wild.

4.1 k words.

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In a few days, you will return to Liyue Bay, to your comfortable apartment in the center above the jewelry store, next to your beloved Zhongli, who has not stopped answering your letters since you left for your work trip to Fontaine. The immense city had completely amazed you, and dazzled by the avant-garde facades of its buildings, the days had felt more like a vacation than work.

Despite the ostentatious façade of the city, you miss home and the delicate architecture between the mountains that guard the city. You also miss the ocean, so different from the primordial sea, full of ancient legends and tales of war. Most of all, you miss your dear counselor at the funeral parlor. Zhongli had been very encouraging about the idea of your trip, especially knowing how much you were interested in working at Meropide Fortress.

This, in your lover's words, would give you a fresh perspective and update your knowledge of the law, as well as a useful contact like the Duke. However, your dear Zhongli did not expect that your thirst for knowledge would be overshadowed by a reluctant desire to help the helpless.

Wriothesley was the first at Fontaine to notice this, so he didn't stop you when you offered your knowledge and help during a trial at the Opera Epiclese, a murder case that was quite scandalous, but not enough to horrify you…

As a paralegal, your knowledge had become indispensable in subsequent trials, so much so that you spent more time in the office of Iudex Neuvillette than in the Fortress. One day you had to attend to a poor robbery victim, the next day you had to observe the petitions and lawsuits of a Sumeru traveler who had come to town, another day you had to make sure that Liney had not been sued for one of those dangerous magic tricks, and then you had to return to the Opera for more cases… and so on for the months you spent there.

Mornings and afternoons you were busy, surrounded by paperwork and research. Fontaine's technology was indeed a welcome relief, and you counted the days to return to Liyue with plans for those strange machines….

As long as the sun was high, you kept your mind on your work, whether it was at a trial or in Monsieur Neuvillette's office. But when the moon rose, and even the Iudex warned you that you had worked too hard, you enjoyed the tourist wonders the city had to offer. The cuisine was very different from Liyue's, the clothes and the songs… ….

Neuvillette, like the good ruler he is, as a result of all the help you had given him, dedicated himself to being your guide during your stay there.

You had found in the Iudex a pleasant companion, whose stories and knowledge consumed you with curiosity. He reminded you of your Zhongli in many ways, and in that ancestral spirit they both radiate… After all, both of them had been great ancestral dragons at some point in their lives.

The farewell from Fontaine had been anything but sad, you had promised to come back, the Melusines had obliged you… and they had given you a box of macaroons. The return to Liyue is much easier than the departure, and when you finally see the red-and-green tiled roofs of the atavistic buildings, a warmth floods your heart. Home… you're finally back.

You hadn't told Zhongli about your return, so he's surprised when he catches your scent while drinking tea near the Wanmin Restaurant. He puts the cup down on the table and, with a subtle movement, closes his eyes, concentrating on the scent emanating from your skin. Yes… it is definitely you, it is the scent of your hair, the balm of your lips, the smell of the cream you use to moisturize your hands… how he missed that smell… how many times he had masturbated smelling your clothes, in the dark solitude of his apartment, longing for you to come back to him and let him take you on the floor, on the table or wherever…

He could perceive every bit of your cinnamon scent, of the lavender cologne you had bought a few months ago, of the floral soap with which you washed your clothes, even the new smells, the dew from the plants of Fontaine, the scent of the flour with which they prepared their famous cakes, the outflow of the sea in which you must have swum, and… what is that smell?

Zhongli frowns, no matter how expressive his face contorts as he turns his head toward the cobblestone streets of his city to meet your figure and your surprised, almost disappointed expression.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," you complain as you embrace him from behind and leave a kiss on his head, how much you missed the scent of his dark curls, the feel of the softness of his hair… the scent of the man he is… you can't wait to have him on top of you that night…

"I smelled you from miles away," he mentions as if it were something banal, though in a rather stern tone of voice. He can't help but dive into the deep doubts of that foul smell. It seems familiar to him…

"I missed you too, my dear… Ah… It's been a long trip, but I had fun… I learned a lot," you say smiling, "Wriothesley was very kind to me, he gave me a lot of freedom to work in the Fortress…" you begin to tell.

The Duke, Zhongli thinks, no… that smell doesn't belong to him….

"Clorinde saved me from trouble when I first came to Fontaine…" you continue.

No… neither did she, Zhongli tells himself.

"Oh, Lady Furina was also very hospitable to me, even though she had a terrible flu when I first started working with the Iudex Neuvillette… oh, I almost forgot to mention the Hydro Dragon to you," you laugh, "you two have a lot in common…"

That smell… that reptilian stench of primordial water. So that's the name the vermin is using now…

Zhongli, smelling Neuvillette's perfume on your clothes, on your skin, can't help but think of all the days you spent with this man… being with him instead. He starts to feel a burning spark inside him that could explode any moment. Jealousy, people would tell him, he would call it thirst for death and war….

For the rest of the afternoon, all he hears from you is how wonderful and interesting Monsieur Neuvillette is… Neuvillette this, Neuvillette that, Neuvillette complimented me, Neuvillette helped me… Although you talk little about him and more about the other friends you made during your stay in Fontaine, in your territorial friend's mind it feels like you're explaining to him what a catch Monsieur Neuvillette is, a dragon who's not afraid to rule his country... while he…. Well

"I didn't think he was such a dragon," you comment, recalling the time Liney insisted Neuvillette to show him his original form, lying that it was his birthday, something the kindly Iudex, who cherishes the friendship of such an interesting being as Monsieur Liney, cannot deny.

"Did he show you his draconic form?" asks Zhongli, as if out of a trance.

"Only for a few minutes, but that was only once. I think I saw him more often as a dragon-human hybrid when we were working in his office late at night," you comment, very unaware of the pressure cooker Zhongli is turning into.

How comfortable Neuvillette must have felt, Zhongli thinks, to show himself to her like that… did they…? No, he reproaches himself, y/n would never do such a thing. And surely Neuvillette was just being kind to a guest like her, who had been so helpful during her stay there.

"Well," Zhongli adds, in the mood to change the course of the conversation, feeling a little more relieved, shedding his primitive instincts, "how was the weather?" he already knows the answer… rainy as usual… ….

"Pretty sunny," you reply.

And that's the breaking point for the great Rex Lapis, who has so patiently endured this conversation.

You hadn't realized how quickly night had fallen on Liyue when Zhongli led you by the hand at a brisk pace to your shared apartment. His grip is strong, like a heavy chain on your wrist, and his steps are longer and faster.

"Zhongli," you mutter between gasps at the performance you must give for this feat… After your long journey, the workout is going badly for you, "slow down".

"Yes… practice," he says, "because soon you will ask me to go much slower."

Your voice catches in your throat, while a few hours ago you had the idea of intimacy with Zhongli, you were expecting something slow and loving, as it usually happens when you return from your crossings… not what this man has in mind.

You stumble up the stairs, covering your face in embarrassment at the curious looks of your neighbors as they watch the unchanging funeral consultant drag his girlfriend up the stairs and into the confines of his apartment.

"Zhongli, stop it," you say once inside, breaking free of his grip, "what will the neighbors think?"

"That I'm fucking you until your legs stop working," he says, locking the front door.

"Don't say things like that," you squeak as you cover your face, your face red as a tomato.

"I wonder if you were this embarrassing when you were with your dear, respectable Iudex Neuvillette," Zhongli whispers, a hoarse undertone rising from his throat.

"Wait, Zhongli, it's not what it looks like," you try to defend yourself, though your words seem futile as the former Archon has you pinned against the wall, his entire form dwarfing your diminutive humanity.

"I'll tell you what it looks like," Zhongli says, slurring his words, despite the darkness, you can see his figure changing, growing in front of you, and his eyes, like two amber fireflies, piercing, are the only glimpse of light in the house, "it looks like I have to remind you who is the only dragon that can impress you, who is the only dragon that can eat your pussy and penetrate you until you're split in two."

"Zhongli!" you try to push him away, even though deep down something has started to smoke between your legs.

"I can smell how I turn you on," Zongli hisses, sinking his nose into your neck and brushing your cheek with his… horns?

"These…" you bring your hands up to his head, running them along the curve of the appendages that spring from his forehead, tangled in a spiral.

"Do you like them?" Zhongli muses, so deep and seductive that your skin bristles and your core soaks at the mere sound.

"I've never seen them before…" you say, your voice cracking, something besides Zhongli's hands caressing your hips and sliding up your thigh.

A tail… you'd be sure it was a tail if it wasn't for the darkness…

You turn your face away from Zhongli to watch him closely, noticing a certain look in his amber eyes, a pupil of an unfamiliar shape, and the way his smile shows you his sharp, gleaming fangs.

"I hate that you smell like him," he growls, shaking his head, "you should smell like me."

"Zhongli…"

"Is that all you can say?" he teases, sensing the eager tone in your voice, the nerves coursing through you from the tip of your nose to your toes, overwhelming your body in a rising flame of bubbling pleasure.

Zhongli is subtle as he leads you to the carpet, lighting the fireplace with his breath of fire on the way, illuminating the room and drawing a gasp of surprise from you.

Zhongli's figure towers over you, slender, almost monstrous. You find yourself propped up on your elbows, your skin brushing against the fabric of the carpet, while before you were wondering why he didn't leave you on the bed, now you understand, and that is that he wouldn't fit.

"Do you like what you see?" asks Zhongli, a proud smile on his handsome face. He kneels over you, cupping your frame between his thighs, to remove his clothes, which would have been torn by now but for the subtlety of his movements.

The thin fabric of his cloak falls behind his back, as delicate as lilies in spring, while his vest slides under his shoulders, tracing the slender figure of the ancient Archon. His tie is undone with a practiced gesture, and his white shirt opens in two, revealing the sculpted figure of the man above you.

The golden details of his skin reflect the fire of the hearth, and his chest, as fiery as the flame beside you, rises proudly before your incredulous gaze. The distance between his shoulders has grown, his chiseled muscles flexing with every movement. He undoes his gloves with his teeth, and as perverse as he looks, you can't help but wet your lips with your tongue. His digits, like the rest of his body, have grown in size.

"I can read on your face the myriad fantasies that plague your depraved mind," he muses, adding a snaky sound to the end of the sentence.

Saliva drips down your throat, sweat trickles down your forehead, and your fluids begin to soak your core, all wet.

Zhongli is very skilled at undressing you, he has always taken his time for this kind of prelude, warming you up for him and adjusting your body to his eager caresses… but this is not just any situation… no, in his mind, in the mind of the powerful and ancestral ruler of Liyue, the goal is not to show you what a fervent and devoted lover he can become, but to rip all traces of the unwanted water dragon from your head and body.

"Careful," you mewel as you feel his claws growing and tearing at the fabric of your blouse and skirt.

"If these rags are so important to you, you know I can buy much more graceful ones that flatter the divinity of your figure," he orders, he's a tough nut to crack… and damn, that makes you…

"It's not the clothes…" you look for support on his shoulders, he moves you as if you were a rag doll, "I'm afraid you'll rub my skin…"

"Precious," he inhales deep into the skin on your shoulder, "I'm very skilled at moving when I'm with you. I would never allow myself such an atrocity, to bruise this pristine skin would be punished with the worst of punishments".

"Still," you whisper, and he gives you a golden look, expecting what you will say, with a calm but instinctive depth, you feel the flame of his lust grow and spread.

"Calm down," Zhongli says, laying your back down on the carpet again and parting the fabric of your bra with his claws. Your breasts heave after the release, your face turned sideways with crimson cheeks. "You look so beautiful when you're embarrassed," he adds, dipping his nose between your breasts, taking a deep breath of your eager, warm scent, bathed in eroticism and anticipation.

Zhongli slides his nose over your belly and then between your legs, over your soaked lingerie. Without taking his eyes off you, his eyes locked with yours in an iron grip, he slides the elastic of your garment around your hips, sliding the thin fabric down your thighs and then your ankles. The movement is slow and painful, but exhilarating, just as the image he gives you by smelling your underwear is exhilarating.

His beautified figure towers over you, the fabric clenched in a fist to his nose, where a deep sniff brings Zhongli the ecstasy that no recreational tea leaf could ever provide. The nectar of your sex is the only delicacy he needs that night, whether in his mouth or around his cock…

Throwing the lingerie aside, Zhongli places his hand on his pants, ripping the dark fabric tightly from his muscular legs to reveal not one, but two huge, thick, throbbing cocks eager for you.

"What the fuck!" you exclaim as you watch Zhongli's monstrous appendages slam into his abdomen.

He seems to ignore your expression as he buries his face between your legs, kissing the inside of your thighs, inhaling the juice inside of you as it oozes from your center… Well, he tells himself, it doesn't smell like Neuvillette, at least not here.

"Do you hear me?" you call, lifting his face by the horns, "do you have two cocks?"

"'Indeed, yes," he answers, taciturn as always, "what a crude way to question me about my nature, dear," he says, while you notice his tail waving behind him, wagging from side to side like a predator about to hunt. .

"Did you learn these manners on your wonderful journey to the Nation of Justice?" Zhongli asks as his tail wraps around your thigh, grazing your skin with its scales as it moves closer to your center.

"No… but it was a coherent question I asked," you argue with him, so vainly that you look pathetic.

"And I guess you didn't learn how dragons mate either?"

"The Iudex and I," you start to speak, but your voice stops when you feel Zhongli's tail tempting your folds, "He and I never… no…"

"Too bad," Zhongli replies, "because at least his tail would be softer than mine."

The words catch in your throat, a gasp as Zhongli spreads your legs and the rough skin of his tail slowly slides into your pussy, shaping the surprised, wet, velvety walls around him.

"Ahg!" You cry out between painful moans, you haven't even had time to get used to his thickness and he's already reached the bottom.

You writhe on the rug, your hands clenched tightly against the fabric of the rug as Zhongli holds your legs apart, watching the embarrassing way your pussy clenches around his appendage.

Your back arched as you heard him laugh, sending vibrations to your center, as if everything in it was somehow connected.

"Nothing to add?" he asks, almost mocking you.

"I~…mmhh~" you mewl as your chest rises and falls heavily, waves of heat gather in your belly, the thickness of his tail hurts, burns, but he touches you in every place you could want, even though it seems if he went any further he could reach your throat, "Ahg~"

"Too big?" he asks, pulling back just in time to hit your cervix again.

"Ah!" you moan hotly.

"Speechless?" Zhongli plays with your mind as he withdraws again, this time further, to sink deep inside you again, this time harder.

You can't help but let out a high-pitched, almost heartbreaking scream as you feel him plunge his tail all the way in, welcomed by your walls as they get used to him. His tail is long, largely due to his draconic form, so each time it curls up to penetrate you, it reaches the bottom with a crushing fall, pressing down on the rubbery spot that suffocates you.

Zhongli crosses your legs over his shoulder and pumps his tail into your pussy as if he's cleaning something inside you. Your back jiggles in this position, your waist moves at the stimulus of his thrusts inside you, your throat emits the most outrageous cries of pleasure you've ever made.

He goes in and out, rubbing every corner of you in synchronicity and fervor, little patient with your tolerance and abusing your limits. It excites him to see you screaming for him, and it excites him even more to see pearly drops sliding from your eyes, glistening like the juices overflowing from your abused hole.

"Ahhg~ yes, yes~" each word shouted between moans and sighs, deepens in Zhongli an instinctive way that he has wanted to show you for a long time. Each thrust accelerates, becoming frantic and jerky, each stroke brimming with power, and his hands wrap around your legs, holding you in place so you don't move as he ejaculates inside you.

His tail spasms painfully and suddenly you feel a familiar warmth explode inside you. he has cum inside you, you know it because you are aware of the sensation of his seed overflowing from your pussy… although you doubt that it came from his tail…

"You…" you gasp, mesmerized by the dark new sensation Zhongli has given you.

"Looks like you enjoyed it more than I thought," he smiles, a dark smile.

His tail emerges from inside you and slides over your stomach and waist, turning your body until your knees and palms touch the carpet.

"You're not very swollen yet, are you?" he asks.

"Well, I… ah!" you moan in mid-sentence as you feel his fingers sink deep into you, almost as long as your insides, reaching the deepest valleys of your insides, "Zh…. Zhongli~."

He moves his fingers inside you, bigger and thicker than you remembered. He pulls them out to leave your fluids on his cocks and plunges his fingers back in to lubricate your ass this time.

"I never dared to ask you to do it from behind," he says as he spreads your buttocks with his hands, exposing your small hole to him, "perfectly made for me," Zhongli whispers to himself.

You feel his thick member slide into your pussy, your entrance getting used to his new length as it throbs around him. Almost immediately he enters your ass, slowly working his way inside you, your hole welcoming the new guest with contractions that elicit guttural moans from Zhongli.

"Not so hard, darling," he growls, "or you'll make me cum," he adds, placing his hands firmly on your hips, avoiding the way your body trembles at his intrusion.

"It hurts~" you let out with a moan, because indeed it hurts, but the feeling of being so full makes your body feel like you are on cloud nine, experiencing sensations you have never felt before. "Mmhhh ~ Zhongli ~," you unconsciously move your hips back and vulgarly ask him to start his thrusts.

"I'm going to move, dear. Need you to hold on as long as you can," he says, leaning into your ear, the warmth of his breath flooding your neck and cheek. He doesn't want to hurt you, in short, he's jealous of your new friendship in Fontaine, but he didn't want to make you a victim of his feelings. He loves you, he is madly in love with you, and that is why he is willing to show you, in the most draconic human way possible, who is the only one who deserves to have you.

"Please," you beg, grinding your hips against his, feeling his cocks sink deeper into you.

Zhongli, like the ardent lover he is, doesn't keep his beautiful lady waiting, not after how well you've just taken him. He rubs your insides with his cock, eliciting mellifluous moans from you, and in an arduous retreat, he enters you again, all the way in, again and again and again.

The sound of skin against skin fills the room, Zhongli rushes into you at a frenetic and almost deadly pace, one second you feel empty and the next you are completely full, his appendages bruise your insides, shaking your insides and churning your belly in skillful movements.

He throws his head back, enjoying the way you clench around him, completely hooked on you, trapped in your vicious holes. He takes one of your breasts in his hand, massaging the soft, sweaty flesh under his fingers as heartbreaking screams leave your throat, his tail trailing up your other nipple, wrapping around it as one of his hands massages your clit.

You're completely pampered by his limbs, screaming his name as if it would save you from the overwhelming storm of pleasure consuming your body. Your face is contorted with pleasure, your eyes are in the back of your head, your heart is pounding against your chest just as Zhongli is doing inside you. All in perfect synchronicity.

The climax of pleasure comes when Zhongli takes your hands and places them behind you while his tail splits your lips and slides over your tongue, down your throat. All your holes are completely filled, all subdued by him, entering relentlessly without stopping for you to rest.

Zhongli grunts and moans as he feels your throat close to his tail and as your ass begins to shake around his cock. And he does it even more when he thinks about how beautiful you will look completely bathed in his cum. That's why when he comes inside you, from your mouth and pussy, he can't help but move away from you to get a clear picture of you gagging as you try to just swallow his contents, and as the milky fluid gushes from your butt under your thighs.

You cough and wipe your lips with the back of your hand, looking over your shoulder at the way your legs and ankles are soaked with hIs seed. Dragon stuff, you think, because he's never given you a load of this size before.

"Charming," he whispers, enchanted by the image your corrupted form offers him, "divinely accommodating and beautiful. The most precious treasure I have found on my long journey," he adds, crawling towards you, wrapping your body in his arms as he surrounds you with his figure in fluid movements, pressing you against his chest.

You feel Zhongli's chest vibrate, and the way he has put you on his chest, between his arms, and covered you with his tail, gives you the impression that he is holding you in a shelter, you, his precious treasure.

"Tomorrow I will make you a nest, I have to build one so I can take care of you and our cubs," he whispers above your head.

"Did it really occur to you that I could cheat on you with another man?" you ask, taking advantage of the fact that Zhongli has let down his guard.

"It was my mistake to let my foolish thoughts control my actions. In fact, I think you are the most loyal person I have ever met in my life," he replies.

"If so… why doubt me?"

"Because you are too good for someone like me. Because your sense of help and perseverance is more like that of a dragon who decides to take care of his people than one like me… who leaves them to their own fate," there was a hint of melancholy in his words.

"You have been a good ruler, my dear Rex Lapis. Liyue is more than ready to be ruled by humans…don't think that you have left it to its fate…especially when you walk through its streets and talk to its people," you smile as you caress his chest.

"My dear y/n, you always have the words to make my cold heart warm and smooth," he plays with the strands of your hair, "I am deeply sorry that I ever doubted you…in the near future I will make it up to you, and maybe in the distant future we can remember this as a simple and shameful mistake of mine," he adds, joining his lips to yours in a kiss that shows you his painstaking sincerity, the doors of his emotions wide open for you.

Zhongli's tongue slides into your mouth, giving the kiss a more naughty touch… and you don't know how, but suddenly you find yourself at his mercy again, stretching your pussy with his two cocks inside you, shaping your walls with relentless attacks.

"I want to see you with a swollen belly," he moans, "you're going to be a beautiful mother…" he says, opening your legs, digging his claws into your thighs, watching as his two cocks disappear into your hole.

Now that you think about it… maybe Zhongli is in heat…

[squirrellypoo]

Loustat fic rec

Since my last fic roundup it appears I've been promoted into the role of Loustat fic librarian, LOL. I've been asked for a lot more recomendations, and I thought I'd group these thematically rather than by length or AU type. There's a few repeats here from the previous list but that just means you really should read them!

Time-bending

“Once more, with feeling” Human Loustat are caught in a time loop, repeating the same day over and over… By @cher-horowitz

“Come (Back) to Me” Modern painter Louis is drawn to a painting an an old chateau and time travels back to the 18th century to meet the young marquis in the portrait… By @suikamelon6

“Return” Modern vampire Louis suddenly time travels to 18th c Paris, where he encounters human Lestat and Nicki at the theatre… (ongoing)

“Ten Minutes” Lestat’s caught in a time loop, destined to relive the Paris trial again and again

“Daniel Molloy, Time Bandit” Daniel time travels from 1980s Night Island back to 1790s TdV where Armand doesn’t know him, but is intrigued… (This one's not Loustat but I still wanted to include it)

Fairy Tales

“Tale as Old as Time” Beauty and the Beast AU with Loustat trapped in a cursed castle

“Fly Away with Me” Peter Pan AU mixing childhood memories of the du Lac children flying to Neverland with grown-up Louis and Pan/Lestat (ongoing)

“La Bête” Human Louis travels to France to research a mysterious 18th tale of a beast that roamed the Auvergne… (ongoing) (Not a straight 1:1 fairytale but fuck it, I love this one so much and it deserves more readers) By @penguinsandbats

“Bittersweet” (ch18) Standalone Beauty and the Beast Loustat chapter from a month-long challenge

“Rumpelstiltskin” Louis wakes up in the Dubai penthouse and must complete tasks for his mysterious captor will eat him (Loumand, not Loustat)

“The Wolf Fur Slipper” Prince Louis must get married, and a Cinder-fella Lestat dreams of escaping his awful family to live in a fairy tale romance…

Crossovers

IWTV x The Newsreader: “One of our Reporters Is Missing” The original crossover fic! Louis sees Dale on Australian tv, and travels to reunite with what he thinks is a mind-wiped Lestat. By @angstosaur

IWTV x The Newsreader: “Roving” Helen Norville meets up with Daniel Molloy in the 1980s in America and travels to NOLA, tapes in tow, and stumbles upon Lestat…

IWTV x The Newsreader: “I thought we could have an orgy” Loustat/TimDale PWP set in the Darwin episode of S1

IWTV x Cunk on Life: “Cunk on Fangs” Philomena Cunk is asked by her good friend Daniel Molloy to travel to Dubai to interview a vampire with him… (ongoing)

IWTV x Ted Lasso: “No Such Thing As Bad Publicity” Keeley is employed to improve Lestat’s PR for his European tour

IWTV x Killing Eve: “In the White Room (L’homme Lestat)” modern vampire story where Lestat is kidnapped by a mysterious organisation and forced to become their assassin while Louis and Armand try to help/rescue him with help from Villanelle. By @angstosaur

IWTV x True Blood: “Under the Blood Moon” Human Louis finds out at his dad’s funeral that the company is bankrupt and meets a vampire Lestat at a dive bar while he’s drowning his sorrows (ongoing/abandoned?)

(There's also some IWTV x Hannibal ones but I'm not really into that show SORRY! Feel free to suggest some in your RBs if you're into it though)

Sex Workers

“Before You See Me” Human AU with sex worker Louis hired to help heal a heartbroken actor Sebastian Wilde (Lestat). Sex with all the feelings. By @suikamelon6

“Many happy returns” Modern human PWP with sex worker Lestat delivering a birthday gift to Louis in the library

“Make me, break me, shake me” Human AU with escorts Loustat as roommates until Louis realises what Lestat really needs - a good dicking.

“Baby Treat me Nice” Human AU with kindergarten teacher Louis discovering the dad of one of his students is actually his Only Fans crush… (ongoing/abandoned?)

“Assignment” Modern AU with an anxious and stressed human Louis requesting professional services to lose his virginity, and a blond man appears at his door... By @riley-beautrelle

“Pretty Boy” Daniel discovers after Dubai that Lestat became a porn star after being left for dead and penniless and is now the highest paid gay porn star in America

“Music When the Sun Goes Down” Modern human/vampire AU with sugar baby Louis gaining a new & exclusive rich blond client… (ongoing/abandoned?)

I've tried to tag authors where I can but my memory is terrible when AO3 & Tumblr handles differ... sorry!

[teleit]

Questions I would like to ask Rhaenyra

As part of a thought experiment, I want to become an interviewer for the show!Rhaenyra Targaryen and ask her the most awkward questions, for which I would lose my journalist license (I don’t have such a license due to the fact that I’m annoying, suffer from ASD, and actually a lawyer, but If I had one, I would have lost it).

But here are some questions I would DEFINITELY ask, risking my hypothetical license:

1) Is it true that your second husband despises your half-siblings based on their mother's lineage? Did he find your mother, Aemma Arryn, equally disgusting? Do you agree with Daemon on this?

2) If Aegon were Aemma's son, would you have a problem naming him heir? If Baelon had survived but your father had married Alicent anyway, would you hate Aegon?

3) Hypothetically, if Aemma could give her opinion on the situation where you swore on her behalf that Daemon did not touch you, knowingly lying, what would she say? Would she be disappointed in you, since you are tarnishing her name and the sacrifice she made, undermining your own rights as an heir with your antics?

4) If you and Daemon believe that Alicent's children are not true Targaryens, can the same be said for your children with Harwin? They are not even 50%, but about 30% Valyrian, considering that you yourself are only 75% Valyrian. Has Daemon ever expressed disgust towards your older children?

5) At Aegon's second birthday party, were you really jealous of the baby, since he was the center of attention, not you? Is that why you went out of your way to ruin the party? Did you enjoy it?

6) Why the fuck didn't you find a father for your children with Laenor among the dragonseeds or the Velaryon bastards? Why Harwyn?

7) Did you really want to torture Aemond during the trial in Driftmark? Someone is trying to say that it was a trick, but we both know that a woman who fucks Daemon at the funeral of Daemon's wife doesn't know much about tricks.

8) Why didn't you ever visit your father after you moved to Dragonstone? Then it wouldn't have been such a shock to see him in his condition when you visited him to seek support against Vaemond and his petition. You weren't exiled (unlike in the book), so you could have seen him. Was it because you didn't want to or were there circumstances?

9) If Laenor hadn't gone along with the fake murder plan, what would you have done? Would you have let Daemon kill him? Didn't you feel sorry for Rhaenys and Corlys, who lost two children one after the other?

10) Do you realize that you have either four or five bastards? Your marriage to Daemon can't be considered official, considering that Laenor was still alive for some time. If he had returned to Westeros, your marriage to Daemon would have been annulled, and Aegon and Viserys would have been recognized as bastards.

This is just what came to mind right now, no deep thought. Besides, in five minutes Daemon would have appeared and chopped off my head for insolence.

[perry-the-platypus-f1cs]

I just read your post about Adler reacting to Philip's trial in MW3. It was so amazing and beautiful that you successfully pushed into that brainrot of Dadler. However! It really got me thinking, what wound he do when in MW2 Philip supposedly "died"? Like, maybe he came home after months but Adler didn't knew at first that his son survived that explosion and like everyone thought Graves died. God I could only imagine..

thank you so much i'm glad you enjoyed it!

And i may or may not have already written something...

so i'll just put this here

The devil knocks on my door. A Dadler and Graveson angst oneshot

Ao3 link

Summary:

Russel Adler’s day was going fine; that is, until he heard a knock at his front door.   And in his gut he knew something was wrong.   Or   Adler gets some news about his dearest and only son. 

(CONTENT WARNING! CONTAINS MENTIONS/DESCRIPTIONS OF SUICIDE AND DEATH.

DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH EITHER OF THOSE TOPICS)

Adler was leaning relaxingly against the plush leather couch, a cigar held comfortably between his lips, the warm burn of smoke flowing through his lungs before he exhales the curling smoke out of his nose. The burn of the smoke searing his throat became an everlasting comfort ever since Vietnam and has become a key staple in keeping whatever sanity Adler had left intact. 

The mindless drone of the TV faded into the background as Adler’s attention was brought from the show that Phillip had recommended; the name was something along the lines of ‘The Good Scottish Cook-Off’ or something like that.

Adler stood up from the couch, cigar still held between his lips. He took another puff of the cigar, his warm hand wrapping around the cold metal door handle, swinging open the door, the words already on his lips. He’d been getting pestered by the damn Girl Scouts for so long he actually earned himself a nickname, ‘grumpy.’. “Listen, kids—"

The words died on his lips immediately.

On his front porch stood four uniformed men, two of whom were marines; the other two were shadow lieutenants he had previously met a few months ago at Shadow Company's annual Thanksgiving event. 

His hand reaches up to his mouth, removing the cigar, and letting his hand fall to his sides. The four uniformed men all give him sharp, well-practiced salutes, and one of the marines and a lieutenant, shadowed by the name of Vinson, step forward, and the pit in Adler's stomach pitches deeper and deeper.

“Sir, we regret to inform you that your son, Philip Alex Adler, was recently killed in action.”

The words hung in the air after the marine had spoken them. Vinson didn't dare to look at Adler's face, keeping his head down and eyes focused on his shoes. 

The other words spoken after that bleed into an incomprehensible silence as Adler simply stood there staring down the marine with a haunted look in his eyes as the marine continued to speak. 

“A funeral will be held in his honour in the next few weeks, and you will also be given compensation for his passing, sir. Thank you for your service, and God bless.” The marine’s words were simple despite deviating from the normal passing script fed into the brains of the soldiers who had to break the news.

War was one thing: the bloodshed, the screams, the never-ending nightmares, and more importantly, the guilt. It wasn't just the guilt of surviving when so many of your friends and allies passed; it's the guilt of looking in the eyes of young kids—children—and having them idolise you, saying they want to be ‘just like you,’ unknowing of the horrors of war.

 It was the guilt of knowing that if you could say anything to those kids, it would be, “Don’t fucking do it.” 

And that was all that Adler felt, guilt. He had allowed both his lives to bleed together once his ex-wife gave birth to Philip. Telling war stories instead of fairy tales, teaching his son how to shoot instead of how to ride a bike. All he could think of was how he had failed, failed his son, failed to stop him from joining the marines, and now he had failed to keep his son, his sweet boy, alive.

He had failed, and now his son was dead, and it was no one else's fault but Russell Adler's.

Adler watched as the marines sharply saluted him before turning on their heels and leaving. The shadow lieutenants went to follow, but Adler lifted a hand, stopping them dead in their tracks. “Wait—” Adler cracked his throat dry, and his shirt collar suddenly felt far too tight. 

Adler cleared his throat. “Wait, come in, let’s talk,” Adler said, opening the door further, giving the lieutenants enough room to enter. The soldiers exchanged a brief glance before stepping past the threshold of the Adler residence.

Adler sat in his worn brown leather armchair opposite the matching leather couch that the lieutenants now sat upon. That couch was Phillips' favourite spot to sit when they would watch movies; the thought stung and burnt more painfully than any wound Adler had gained from his years of service.

Before the lieutenants could open their mouths to speak, Adler cut them off. “How did it happen?” he demanded, his voice not giving way to his grief. The other lieutenant, Osmond, spoke; his voice was quiet and soft. “Sir—” The second the first syllable left the man's mouth, Adler lifted a hand that now held a firmly crushed cigar.

“No, listen to me. Tell me how it happened, or I will report you for not giving information to a clandestine special officer. Do I make myself clear, soldier?” Adler demanded his voice be barred on threatening.

Osmond’s eyes fell to the floor once again. Vinson placed a comforting hand on his comrade’s shoulder before locking eyes with Adler, his voice trembling slightly as he recounted what happened. 

“It was a tank explosion, sir, Commander Garves-Phillip. Was inside at the time we tried to get him out...but...it was no use. I'm sorry, sir. We couldn’t save your son.” Vinson's words filled the quiet space, and Adler let out a soft sigh, his shoulders slumping down from their usual tense perch.

Adler haphazardly placed the squished cigar in an ashtray placed on the glass coffee table. Adler holds his head in his hands for a moment, running his hands across his scalp, nails digging into his skull, before he runs them over his face, catching the small droplets threatening to fall from his eyes. He lets out another heavy sigh before sitting up straight again, clearing his throat. 

“Do you boys have a…replacement lined up for his position?” Adler questions, lifting his head again to look at the shadow lieutenants, who both shake their heads.

Adler hums, eyes tracing over the side table on his left, eyes racing over the videotapes and files that decorated the small table. Adler reached over, plucking a company card from the pile and handing it to Osmond. 

“His name’s Case, an old colleague of mine; he’s a good man. If you're still looking for a commander and want someone out of the system, he’s the man you want.” Adler informs his voice, straining with each word, his throat too dry and his shirt too tight. 

The pair look down at the company card and then back up at Adler, their faces flickering with unseen emotions. Vinson nods once, “Thank you, sir.” He replied quietly, revving a sharp nod from Adler, followed by a dismissive hand gesture.

Yeah, well, don’t let an old man like me keep you from your duties. My son made it a well-oiled machine; I hope you lot will keep it that way.” He dismissed, head turning to look out of the window at the large garden that he had helped Phillip plant when his son was just a boy; the oak tree they had both planted now stood tall amongst the other shrubbery. 

The only sign that the lieutenants had left was the sound of shuffling and the front door opening and closing. 

Now Adler was left alone in his quiet estate with no one to wait for. 

Before he knew what he was doing, Adler's hands wrapped around the grip of his trustworthy pistol that had been through it all with him from Vietnam to the end of the Cold War and the start and end of the Gulf War.

He had used this pistol to kill Bell, and thinking back on it, the communist bastard was probably laughing in his grave right about now. Ironic.

The cold muzzle of the gun pressed against the underside of Adler's chin, thin streams of tears following down his face, dipping into the crevasses of his scar.

“I’ll see you soon, kiddo.”

And with that, Russel T. Adler took his last breath and pulled down on the trigger. 

A gunshot echoed through the Adler estate, and in the deepest pits of the underworld, father and son reunited. 

PT2 Link