#You wouldn't know this was filmed on a beach

[env0]

Do you see in TechniColor? 

Support Your Local Artists Ko-Fi & Venmo: @Zenv0

[realmsturkishdelight]

summertime sadness.

pairings ; jj maybank x female reader

warnings ; angst , cursing , i don't know exact dates of his death so i made it up , mentions of using weed , dying.

[ 07/06/20 ]

"can you not press the camera to my face, please?" jj mumbled, a lazy smile on his face even though he was trying to be serious. you only chuckled, capturing his sweet, relaxed and handsome features in your retro camera.

"you're makin' me regret that i got you that, sweetheart." he added, but you only pushed his blonde hair away, smiling. "get up sleepyhead." you murmured.

"no." he turned his head away from the camera. you shaked your head at his antics, sitting on his back and recording his face from the other side. "jesus," he chuckled.

you laughed softly, laying on his back and turning the camera so that it can film both of you, your cheek pressed to jj's head. he looked like he was smashed under you, altough your weight bringed nothing but comfort to him.

"you're gonna be a pain in my ass with that thing, i get it." he joked.

[ 15/07/21 ]

"you guys see that stupid blonde over there? yeah, that's my man." you mumbled to camera with a grin, filming jj doing stupid stuff on his surfboard, laughing and being the annoying yet fun self he is.

your boyfriend had this effect where all of the pogues acted like they were annoyed by his antics, but couldn't live without him anyways. especially you, you were his favorite person, he annoyed you more than anyone, yet you wouldn't be able to live if he didn't do it one day.

"y/n!" he yelled, making the whole beach hear. you didn't mind, dating jj meant you slowly lose the feeling of being shy. you zoomed camera, watching his smiling face more close now, waving at you.

you waved back behind the camera. "this is for you!" he yelled, doing a backflip on the surfboard, getting in the water.

"yeah, that's mine." you whispered, giggling.

[ 01/08/21 ]

"not that again," he groaned softly, smiling as you pulled out the camera to record the sweet moment you both had.

it was a lazy august morning, where jj crashed over at your place because he couldn't stay away from you too long, and you both woke up together. he was all cuddled up on you, the fan in your room creating a small breeze so that you guys could at least get some air in the boring warmth.

"you got this cam for me to film us, j." you giggled, playing with his hair as you recorded both of you from up, showing your smile and his body layed on you.

"yeah but i didn't thought you'd do this often." he chuckled, looking at the camera and squinting his face in mock disgust. you pinched his cheek, smiling.

"well, you often make me wanna remember our moments forever." you murmured, and he melted.

[ 13/08/21 ]

"we're high as fuck," jj chuckled when you opened your camera to record you guys getting wasted in twinkie, just the two of you, in the quiet night.

"i can't even open my eyes properly," you laughed and he joined you, resting his head on your shoulder. "you managed to open the record, that's good." he said.

"hi guys," you murmured with a slight groggy voice like you just woke up, showing the joint in your hands that jj rolled skillfully. "another day, another weed, but this time it's kiara's stuff."

"she makes the best weed, i swear." jj mumbled, taking the joint from you after you got a drag, taking one himself. you giggled when he blowed to camera.

"you guys should get high with us." he joked.

"what if we show this to our kids?" you murmured, and it was just a thought you had with your high mind. yet, it warmed jj's heart.

"y'think our kids will be saints? all sober n' shit?" he said softly with a cheeky grin. "nah baby, that's not my gene."

[ 05/06/22 ]

it was a bonfire night at the chateau, everyone drinking, smoking and having fun. the star of the night was of course, your boyfriend jj.

you opened the camera and began recording him singing songs, with his whole heart, pointing you at the romantic lyrics.

"who even showed you taylor swift?" sarah laughed next to you, drinking her beer under john b's arm.

"you ask?" you giggled, and it made everyone laugh.

"what? i'll be a swiftie for my girl," jj grinned, blowing you, and the camera, a kiss.

[ 15/08/24 ]

"hello folks, this is jj recording to my amazing girlfriend's camera." jj grinned and waved, recording himself from a low angle, yet he still looked pretty.

he was in your room, in your bed while you worked in the shop today, probably helping kiara organize things. his elbows were on his knees, his signature hat on his head.

"there's been a lotta shit goin' on, so she couldn't record for a while." he explained. "we stayed in an island, john b and sarah lost their dads, i found out that my father wasn't my blood father, and i had kook origins." he raised his brows and laughed at the irony of it.

"and now, m'gonna search some gold with my biological dad, which is ironic, i guess." he grinned.

"but, i jus' wanted to record this for my lovely kids in the future, and for my sweet girl to watch if somethin' happens to me." he smiled, yet it was a weak one.

"baby," he murmured. "you live a life you don't deserve in sake of me, and m'sorry that lovin' me has brought you many problems, and we couldn't be a normal teenage couple." he scratched the bridge of his nose.

"n'that we fought with guys who had guns instead of goin' surfing and punching kooks." he chuckled. "but.. i wouldn't wanna do this with other people y'know? you're my favorite person in the world, and m'selfishly happy that we've been through a lot at least together."

"wow m'bein' too sentimental, and it would be really awkward for you to watch this if some dramatic shit didn't happened to me," he chuckled, clearing his throat.

he looked at the camera like he was looking at you, all puppy eyed, his baby blue's shining and his smile so wide and geniune. "m'about to head off to help groff, and i don't have much time to talk more about my undying feelings for you, but jus' know that you're the best thing happened to me. and even if we can't become a kook, i'll happily die as a pogue as long as i got you."

he kissed the camera, grinning. "love from papa j." he winked, closing the record.

[ 18.34 ]

your tears dropped to the screen, and your fingertips caressed his smiling face. you guys made it alive from morocco, expect the guy you loved more than anything.

it was like they took a part from you, his own fathers betrayal turning your life in a living hell in minutes. jj was the dead one, yet you didn't felt like you were living. in the end, which one was the hard one anyway? leaving, or staying?

you opened the camera for one last time, your puffy and red lips, red eyes from crying reflecting in the screen, showing how much of a mess you were.

it was the last time you'd use this, because you lost the one person that made you feel alive, and so happy that you wanted all of your memories to stay forever.

[ 20/08/24 ]

you sniffled, and your tears falled to screen, your voice being a weak whisper. "i love you jj."

༝༚༝༚

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Beach day with König

CW: 18+ only, protected p in v sex in a semi-public place, size kink, friends to lovers, possessive but slightly emotionally unavailable König

König wants to take you to the beach one day. He has water and some munch already packed, along with a bottle of sunscreen, and he's looking illegally hot there at your door with one of those rare smiles on his face.

You like to think he's reserved his smiles just for you, but the truth is you never know if König is flirting with you without knowing it, or if he's deliberately teasing you and making your heart ache. You can't get to the bottom of who this mysterious Austrian giant truly is, but you know he likes to spend time with you. That must count for something, right…?

You have to go to the same stall to change because there's a shortage of free changing rooms; it's the most beautiful day so of course everyone else is at the beach too.

You only need to grab your swimwear and towel, but you want to add your share to the beach picnic and so you quickly shove the last of the blueberry muffins you baked yesterday into a tupperware box. You almost melt on the spot when König says you have to feed them to him because his hands will soon be covered in sunscreen. Someone has to make sure you don't burn in the sun, oder nichts?

You've done all kinds of shit together but König has never seen you naked. You try to keep it cool – it's okay: you're both adults, it's no big deal. Friends can share the same changing room, and König has always been the perfect gentleman when it comes to these things.

It's just that you wouldn't mind if his eyes wandered a little... You know you wouldn't blame him for that, if he didn't blame you for taking a peek.

A little peek never hurt anyone, but you never knew what it would cost you. You never knew you'd end up against the stall wall with him inside you.

The reserved gentleman you used to know is completely gone. König tears the condom package open with his teeth and rolls the plastic protection on with no shame whatsoever. Trojan Magnum thin, you manage to catch as the torn package ends up somewhere on the floor of the changing room. You can't believe he came here prepared…

You wonder where his usual shyness went when he too cheated on his promise not to look when you change. You wonder where the polite, considerate man went when König presents himself to you, fully naked, uncut and huge.

You're barely able to nod when he bluntly asks if you want to fuck.

The shy, awkward recruit is nowhere to be seen as König raises you against the rough, unpainted boards and spreads your thighs. The sounds of strain and exertion mainly come from him sliding his cock into you, not from him having to carry your full weight.

You always thought your first time with König – if such a thing ever came – would be something more traditional, more romantic. You always thought it'd be a Netflix & chill kind of moment. This guy has taken you out to have a chaste little meal or to see some stupid movie, for weeks and weeks now. König has the most awful taste in films, but you've endured, just like you've endured his monologues about knives and sniping. König has offered you his huge sweater when you were cold, he's has entertained your need to read poems to him, just as bravely as you have entertained his silly ramblings about yet another Böker knife. You have done a million pranks to the other recruits together. Everyone at the barracks is sick of your stupid inside jokes, everyone says you two are the worst. The 'big goblin' and the 'small goblin', they call you apparently...

Close friends don't fuck like wild animals inside a changing room, you think while he rails you as controlled and muffled as he can – you fear what would happen to you, not to talk of the poor stall, if König was allowed to fuck you to his hearts and dicks content. You never knew the socially awkward but intense sniper candidate would take you to a beach and then ask if you want to fuck. On your worst days you've swallowed tears along with the shy question of would he ever want to be more than just friends.

The only time König ever touched you was when he allowed you to try his favourite rifle. The only time you ever kissed him was after your date nights, and even then it was just a quick peck on the cheek. You were never quite sure if you were just close friends with König.

You almost lose it when he grunts into your neck how he's wanted to do this for a long time. Wanted to fuck you, or fuck a woman against a changing room wall, you don't know, but you hold on to his sweaty neck as best as you can. You have to bite his shoulder to prevent loud, long-held cries from coming out. It only makes König more unhinged, though: you sinking your teeth in him like that.

Now he's infiltrating you with the passion of a man about to die if he doesn't get some pussy. Or like a dog, finally allowed to rut a female in heat. If you two were the only people here, he would probably sound like an animal, too. You know you would.

"When we... When we get back, I'll fuck you properly. Long, and hard. Hm?"

"Y–yes," you whisper on his skin – you don't know if you've ever been this flustered. You fear everyone on the beach will know what you've been doing just from how dumb you will look after this. The bite marks on König's shoulder are enough to tell people that your "close friend" is good at more than just shooting a gun.

When you cum, you sound like a widow sobbing at a funeral; when he cums, he sounds like he's dying from a stab wound. You both sound like two people trying to muffle their sorrow instead of trying to fuck their brains out.

And he won't let you down even when he's done with you. He won't let you down, not even as you squirm and whimper in his hold.

"You're mine now, right?" He pants into your ear while covered in a thin sheen of sweat. It's far from any kind of gentlemanly behavior, that low, possessive growl. Your eyes brim with tears – you like him too much when he's spontaneous and a bit crazy like this. You could fall in love with a man like König.

"I always was," you whisper, and he finally puts you down, content with everything you just gave him. You swear you just heard a soft, pleased rumble rising from that broad chest… But some part of that stoic, reserved soldier you know from the skills training and movie nights makes an appearance when you put your swimwear on. König is perfectly in control while you, in turn, are feeling awkward and completely flushed. At least there's no cum running down your thighs as you prepare for your day at the beach...

And who knew König would be so whiny? The condom you used is full as hell, and he has nowhere to put it because there's no trash can in the stall. He grunts as you try to hold in your laughter — he overall looks like he would prefer it if condoms disappeared from the face of the earth entirely so he could feel you without the plastic barrier in between. You giggle when you watch him smuggle it into the nearest trash after wrapping it inside a paper towel.

You spend the rest of the day at the beach, looking like you're the first people who have just discovered love and the fine art of fucking. He can't take his eyes off you, and you can't take his eyes off him. You play in the water, not as friends, but as lovers. Some elderly lady comes to scold you and says there are children here at the beach. You have your legs wrapped around König underwater, and your arms around his neck above: there's nothing lewd going on. But König grows red, all the way from the neck up. That's when you know he has probably never taken a woman in a public place; sometimes you wonder if he has ever taken a woman at all. The big Austrian sniper-to-be remains a mystery as he brings you some ice cream like the gentleman he is, then licks it off from your fingers like a starved dog. He's hot and cold, and confident and shy, feral and distant all in one day.

"You're mine now... All mine."

He "fucks you properly" when you get back, making your whole apartment smell of sex and desperation. And he says it again... That you belong to him. He says it with a shattered, hungry stare, both fragile and frightening.

[jjjjeonww]

jeon wonwoo - the eyes, they never lie.

genre - fluff word count - 825 ~~in which wonwoo and you have been friends for a long time, and you knew he wouldn't see you in any other way. but the eyes, they never lie. to: @hanniescookie "you r the main reason why im not taking a break and im grateful for that so here is my (1st) gift to you!! ALSO hmu if u have any wonwoo needs (🫦) iluvyou!!!" from, yuna <3

For years, you and wonwoo had been inseparable friends, your bond growing stronger with each passing day. you had met wonwoo on the set of his first movie together, bonding over the shared love for acting and the dedication. From that moment on, your and him were not just co-stars, but the best of friends, always looking out for each other both on and off set.

your friends and his had always teased you about the close relationship, often joking that you and wonwoo would be the perfect couple, even though you weren't actually together. you would always laugh off the comments, insisting that wonwoo was just a dear friend and nothing more.

"You two are so perfect for each other," jiseok would say with a mischievous grin. "when are you going to make it official?"

you would roll your eyes, playfully swatting at jiseok's arm. "Stop it, you idiot. Wonwoo and I are just friends, nothing more."

Meanwhile, Wonwoo would just smile enigmatically, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he met your gaze. you always assumed that smile meant he found his friends' teasing as amusing as you did. Little did you know, Wonwoo's smile was a carefully crafted mask, hiding the longing and desire that burned within him.

The teasing reached a fever pitch when they were cast together in a romantic drama. Throughout the shooting, your on-screen chemistry with wonwoo was palpable, the kisses and embraces leaving the crew swooning and their friends in stitches.

"Wow, you two are so convincing," their co-star and friend, jooyeon, said as he watched you and wonwoo film a particularly steamy scene. "It's like you actually love each other."

you blushed, looking away shyly. "Shut up, jooyeon. It's just acting."

But Wonwoo just smiled, his eyes lingering on your face a moment too long. "Maybe it's not just acting," he said softly, so softly that you didn't hear him.

Throughout it all, you remained oblivious to Wonwoo's true feelings, dismissing the comments and teasing as just playful ribbing from your friends. you had no idea that Wonwoo was falling deeply in love with you, his emotions growing stronger with each passing day.

but, he was an actor. of course he could act like he doesn't have the biggest crush on his best friend.

….

you gazed out at the setting sun painting the Jeju Island sky in hues of orange and pink as Wonwoo drove them back to the city. The salty breeze whipped through your hair, carrying with it the laughter and chatter of the day's beach outing with your mutual friends. you smiled, feeling content and at ease in Wonwoo's presence, as you always did.

Glancing over at him, you noticed Wonwoo's eyes flick briefly from the road to you before returning his focus ahead. It was a look you had seen countless times before, but tonight, under the fading light of dusk, it felt different. More intense. More…meaningful.

your heart skipped a beat as a realization dawned on you. Could it be? Did Wonwoo actually…like you? you had always brushed off the teasing remarks from his friends and yours, insisting that Wonwoo was just a caring and affectionate friend. But now, the way he looked at you, the way his gaze lingered just a moment too long, made you question everything.

Throughout the drive, you couldn't shake the feeling that the atmosphere between them had shifted. Wonwoo's hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white. you noticed the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, the slight clench of his jaw. He seemed…nervous. Anxious. Almost as if he were grappling with something profound and weighty.

your mind raced as your recalled all the moments they had shared over the years - the late night conversations, the inside jokes, the comforting hugs after a long day. Had Wonwoo always looked at you with such longing in his eyes? Had syou simply been oblivious to the depth of his feelings?

the car stopped at a red light and you looked at your phone, but in the corner of your eyes, you saw wonwoo staring at you. you slowly turned your head over to him, and yet again. you saw the same look of longing and love in his eyes. you remembered the moment where your friend had caught a video of wonwoo, of how he looked at one of his friend's hyeri, and then how he looked over at you. when he looked at hyeri, it was his normal face. no smile, just an unreadable expression. but when he looked at you, there was longing, there was adoration, there was love, all in one in his expression. actually no, not his expression, but his eyes. and right now, in his eyes, it was the same all in one.

his expression seemed like nothing was happening, but his eyes spoke the truth. and you know what they say: "the eyes, they never lie."

[thesummerpetrichor]

𝓥𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓸 𝓰𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓼

Dads best friend!Javier Peña x afab!reader

Summary: For years he’d lived in your head like a distant memory. Something too good, too far away to attain. You shouldn’t be so hurt he’d left his old life behind, but how could you not be, when you had been such a big part of it? But you can’t hold a grudge. Not when he’s standing in front of you– doing everything to prove he’s not a stranger.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI you will be blocked. Mentions of DEA, dads best friend trope, morally questionable relationship, minor angst, chunky age gap [reader is in her 20s Javi is in his 40s], banter, lotsa sweet moments, explicit language, explicit sexual content, couch sex, inebriated sex, cigarette and weed smoking, alcohol, dom!javi, sub!reader, pet names [cariño, baby, babygirl etc.], dirty talk, major praise kink! [lotsa good girl action iykwim] some over the clothes action, grinding, fingering, unprotected P in V [ do better!!]. Let me know if I missed anything!! <;3

Word count: 12.8k oops

A/N: Oof this took longer than I thought it would but I’m so excited for you to read it. Javier is the man of my dreams here 🥺. lotsa porn for you nasties. morally questionable relationship fr but it’s fiction so we’ll forgive Javi. I hope you darlings enjoy! Mwah 💗

Masterlist

Swinging in the backyard

Pull up in your fast car

Whistling my name

Open up a beer

And you say, "Get over here

And play a video game"

The last time you saw him you remember all but tackling him to the ground as he walked through your front door. He had bought you a special edition copy of your favourite Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale, and DVDs of ‘film noir’ movies– the kind your dad didn’t like you watching. You spent the days reading as he smoked cigars by your pool, and you remember your father joking about his ‘bad influence’ as he poured you drinks in the evenings. 

That was several years ago, and now all you had left of him was a hazy memory of that distant summer, a fading image of his golden eyes glittering in the setting sun, and your copy of “The Little Mermaid”. That had been the last that he’d visited you– before his work got in the way, before he decided he’d rather stay in Bogotá than come home. 

Your life had gone on, and while every year you wondered whether he’d make his grand appearance, as you grew older you came to terms with the realisation that it would just be you and your old man lounging on the patio on those treasured, warm, golden evenings. At university you were pursuing those dreams you always wanted to, the ones your father wasn’t so keen on you chasing, the ones you’d confess to him when he would drive you around the city–  to that faraway ice cream place no one else would take you to. 

He was all cigarettes and whiskey and secret promises.

“He’ll literally kill us, it's midnight.” It was too late, he was grabbing his keys and jacket, and despite your better judgement the thought of the fairy lights by the beach as you walked with your mint chocolate chip cones had you giggling as you followed him out the door. It was your 18th birthday. “He doesn’t need to know now, does he, cariño?” 

He’d telephone your father once in a while, you knew because your house would fill with laughter only invoked by one culprit. You wondered what adventures he was on, were they like the ones he’d tell you as you sat by his side till the early hours of the morning? You wondered if he even remembered– remembered you. 

But now you were in Bogotá, in the sweltering June heat, suitcase in hand, scanning the crowd for a face you barely remembered. You were scared, stupidly so, worried that your physical proximity would do nothing to mend his distance. You worried he wouldn't see you as he did before, wouldn't remember your inside jokes, your mischief, how you’d beg him to take you to that dance bar because your dad didn’t like you going alone. That he had somehow morphed into someone you couldn't recognize. You felt hot all over once again, and this time no thanks to the summer sun. 

Your head turned left to right, and you spotted among the crowd families reuniting, couples kissing hello, young people returning home, lone travellers, lonely travellers, and in the hustle bustle a black leather jacket walking briskly towards you. He looked older, and tired, but his eyes still sparkled the way you remembered, still turned golden when they met the sun. From the distance he spotted you, and you watched expectantly as his furrowed brows relaxed into a calm, almost surprised expression. You felt a little short of breath, felt suddenly larger than life, as he neared you, your mind spinning and hoping, praying that he was still the man you knew. 

“What have you done with my cariño?” 

He was looking down at you with that same smile. Everything about him was really the same. He still smelt like tobacco and cedarwood perfume, still wore the same leather jacket, the same faded, button up shirt– with the first two buttons undone. In a moment you felt your mind's eye reconstruct those waning images of him you once cherished, from the dells of memory. And now you saw him vividly, reclining in his chair, sipping his whiskey, leaning on your porch, hair falling in his face in soft curls as he lit his cigarette. 

He was a lot more handsome than you recalled. 

“Hi” You were smiling so wide your face hurt, and despite the years of his absence there was a familiarity you found comfort in, a sense of belonging, and maybe naively… longing. His hands moved to grab you by the shoulders, and he stepped back to get a good look at you, almost examining how time had passed. “Lookat’ ya, university girl now huh, smart cookie?” The way he looked at you had your heart pitter pattering– with so much pride, and gentleness, and adoration. 

Without any hesitation he pulled you into his chest, wrapping you up in his arms, holding your head against him. Waves of calm washed over you, an immediate reassurance you were desperate for. It was his non reluctance, his lack of worry, the way he brought you into his arms like nothing else mattered.  With a heavy sigh you collapsed into him, all the uneasiness you felt before melting away as you melted into his touch. He felt warm, and strong, and like you’d remembered. 

He was everything you’d remembered. 

You felt yourself relax. It had been a long day, a long time getting away from your father, who, despite the fact that you had been living alone for years now, had called you about a thousand times – reminding you to take all your things, to be careful, and importantly to not get into any trouble. 

If there was one thing everyone knew about Javier, it was that he was trouble, trouble, trouble. 

He was still smiling when he gently pulled away, still looking at you with the same enthusiasm. He was happy to see you. He chuckled as he let go of your shoulders, and you felt your chest swarm with butterflies when he grabbed you by the hand and twirled you around, and in typical Javier fashion produced a white lily from his shirt pocket, and tucked it behind your ear. 

“Welcome to Bogotá cariño” 

You felt your cheeks heat. For as long as you could remember you pretty much idolised him, and the longer you didn’t see him the more distant and adored he had become.  You had worked that distant memory up so much, the memory of that fateful summer, that he’d come to be a symbol of fear and dread in your head. At least until that moment.

You felt silly for ever thinking he’d be different. And there he was, standing right in front of you, putting flowers behind your ear. You mumbled a soft thank you, securing the lily, which was inadvertently an excuse not to meet his overwhelming gaze. 

“Your old man give you a hard time on the way up?”  

You laughed as you rolled your eyes. If there was one person who knew how much of a stickler for organisation and responsibility your father was, it was him. “He gave me an entire list of things to not do”. Javier’s deep baritone joined your laughter, and he shook his head in faux irritation at the mention of his best friend. 

Reaching down for your bags he leaned beside your ear, and you felt your heart race when you turned your head ever so slightly to meet his gaze– at that glimmer in his eyes, his mischievous smile, and raised brow. 

“Well, he’s no fun now, is he?” 

And with that he was heading towards the exit. 

—

I'm in his favourite sundress

Watchin' me get undressed

Take that body downtown

I say, "You the bestest"

Lean in for a big kiss

Put his favourite perfume on

Go play your video game

“He says I'm like you, y’know?” You leaned your elbow on the open window, knees to your chest as you sat curled up in the passenger seat of his car. His eyes were on the road, but his attention remained on you, and you were instantaneously reminded of your trips to the pier, your mint chocolate chip ice creams, and innocent secrets. 

You felt warm and fuzzy inside, and your eyes wandered the beautiful Colombian city –the colours, and the smell of summer flowers, and food as it wafted out of the mom and pop restaurants you passed. 

“Yeah, you a troublemaker?” He glanced at you momentarily, just in time to catch you rolling your eyes. “”M not, but he thinks Dora’s wreckless for wandering around without her parents.`` His laugh was hearty and he had that smile, that tilt of his head you were sure had all the women around him swooning. You felt your cheeks heat at the thought, especially when he chided you. “Cariño” he dragged out every syllable of that treasured pet name, shaking his head, and raising his brows in your direction, teasingly. “Okay.. maybe I like to have a little fun, but I’m still not like you.” 

Letting out an exaggerated gasp his head whipped towards you. “Fuck’s that supposed to mean?!” Your head was buzzing, he's still the same, the same. 

“I’m good.” He rounded the corner, and you couldn’t help but wonder who else had been in the passenger side of his car, getting this view you so cherished. You didn’t know why you cared, or why you were even wondering in the first place. It wasn’t any of your business, but somewhere deep down it made your heart ache. 

“I know you are honey.. Thought your dad was gonna’ have a fuckin’ heart attack when he called me.” You could only imagine. The poor man. The thought of him persuading Javier to convince you to stay with him for the sake of his peace of mind making you giggle. 

“Can you blame him? It was either you or Maria, and somehow you're the better of the two evils.” When you decided to come to Bogotá you originally planned to stay with one of your  close friends from university. She had offered you a room in her apartment for as long as you needed. The both of you had applied for the same summer program, and were looking forward to spending your vacation together. That was before you confessed that a certain somebody also lived in Bogotá. A somebody you weren’t initially keen on meeting again. Somebody you had planned to avoid at any cost during your stay. 

You weren’t really sure why– if you wanted to keep him away out of spite, or convenience, or fear, but all you did know was that when Maria had practically forced you to ask your dad to give Javier a call you were nothing short of petrified. She would not let it go, even said you’d regret not meeting him, better yet staying with him after how much you’d talked him up in the time you knew her. She was so confident she placed a bet you’d give up her house for his in less than forty eight hours. 

“I’m a cop, I’m the obvious choice here cariño” His confidence was charming. He was deceptively charming. 

“Yeah. A terrible one.” 

“Was a little shocked you wanted to see me..” sometimes you really thought he could read your mind. Not just in that moment, in fact he had a habit of hitting on right whatever you were thinking about, whatever was bothering you, things you felt you couldn’t tell anyone else because they wouldn’t understand. You were not sure if and how you wanted to respond, and if you did honestly whether he would know how much the whole situation had preoccupied you. 

“Strictly practical. Wanted to see if you remembered me..” 

“‘Course I remember you, been haunting me like a little ghost since I last visited..”. you thought you might just explode at his teasing. You asked yourself if he was being truthful, if he truly thought about you, about how he’d up and left. 

“You’re the one that disappeared into thin air!” Undeniably, despite the laughter and banter there was a tension in the air– floating between the two of you heavy and low. But what was he expecting?  

Thankfully, the car came to a slow and gradual stop at the side of a small side street, where you spotted a small glass door over which flowers blooming from the floor above had been cascading. “Where are we?” 

“Mint chocolate chip”  One hand on the wheel, the other grabbing his keys, he looked at you as he spoke, so matter of factly it made your heart flutter. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “No pier, or fairy lights though, and no thrill of running from your papa.” 

He remembered. 

Heart bursting with love ache, you weren’t really sure what to say. As if he had anticipated your fears he seemed like he was coaxing you into your natural rhythm. Reminding you he wasn’t some stranger whose house you were staying in out of convenience. That you knew him, and that he knew you, remembered you. 

“Thank god for the last one..” The memory fluttered between you two– the same thoughts, hovering between your heads. He was opening the door, taking a quick check of the traffic. You stayed put, finding your bearings. With one hand extended he beckoned you towards him, offering his arm when you hopped out the car on wobbly feet.  “Oh hush, you loved it, cariño. And he knew, I told him the next day.”

With locked arms you crossed the street, and as if no time had passed you had squished yourself to his side, and had smacked him against the shoulder lightly at his admission. “What?! Traitor!” 

“I handled it.” He sounded quite impressed with himself, and when you tilted your head and locked eyes with him you noticed how he looked quite impressed as well. You pressed your cheek against his arm, the leather of his jacket brushing against your warm cheeks.

“You were always the fun one.”

A large ‘OPEN’ sign stared you blank in the face, that was until Javier had gently tucked a finger under your chin, and delicately directed your eyes towards him. “He’s your dad, ‘s not supposed to be the fun one..” he softly remarked, his smile remained, and you felt nothing but warmth, and comfort from his presence. 

The moment fell naturally, and he reached forward to pull the door open for you, letting skip ahead of him and into the store.  “Feels like my 18th all over again.” 

—

It's you, it's you, it's all for you

Everything I do

I tell you all the time

Heaven is a place on earth with you

Tell me all the things you wanna do

I heard that you like the bad girls

Honey, is that true?

“You're the boss Peña, give me the word, and it’s done.” You caught Javier’s reflection in the mirror as you sat down to get ready. Fresh out the shower it took about three seconds for the summer heat to get back at you. He liked to keep his place freezing, and at times like that you could only be grateful– the cool air soothing your scorched skin. 

Carillo, Murphy– you could recognize the voices as they bounced off the wall, the same men you’d met when they barged into his home unceremoniously at six in the morning. You would have preferred to meet them in actual clothes rather than your pyjamas, and maybe outside instead of infront of your concerningly large cup of coffee, but they seemed to be used to finding unexpected guests in Javier’s apartment early in the morning. 

Regardless of the fact that they’d interrupted your quiet breakfast with Javier, they were really nice people. Carillo’s wife even sent some snacks over with him the next time he visited. One because she wanted you to try the local food, and two because “Javier had nothing in his kitchen.” 

“I will. soon as that dick Stechner gets out of my fuckin’ way” reaching to put you necklace on you watched as Javier moved out of your field of vision for a quick moment, returning with a glass filled with ice and an ashtray. What were they talking about? You never really asked about his job, you'd tried to talk him out of it many times, but he never budged. One day he hated it, one day he didn’t. 

What he was like at work was a point of endless curiosity for you– he just seemed so different. If you were being honest he seemed like an asshole. In the few times you’d seen him interact with his partners he’d barely cracked a smile, trading in his joking and teasing for curt jabs or looks of disapproval. He also admittedly liked ordering people around, telling them what to do. His phone rang about five thousand times a day, and each answered call was punctuated with an air of control, indifference, and the steady and constant confidence of a man who knew what the hell he was doing. And did not like to be questioned about it. The only people who seemed to break the ice were the two he was speaking to at that moment. 

“Javi, think this one through, don’t be fuckin crazy.” The voices drowned out as you put your attention back to getting ready. Maria was right. By the time you called her the evening of your arrival you had abandoned all plans to escape Javier's home for hers. She was in hysterics, endlessly pulling your leg over the whole situation. Your overthinking, your panic, your regret, and most obviously your complete infatuation. 

She had picked you up the next morning, and had impersonated you the entire ride to the university. You hoped that you didn’t sound the way she said you did when you spoke of him, that you weren’t all heart eyes. It only made you worried about what you sounded like when you spoke to him. 

With your bag tucked under your arm you grabbed your shoes off the floor, heading towards the dining table. “You got work this evening?” you were hoping he didn’t. His eyes lifted off his work to watch you shuffle around the small kitchen.  Opening the fridge you grabbed a bottle of chilled water, and leaned against the closed door as you spoke. 

“Depends if they call me in, they’re tracking some radio signals so we’re sitting tight till then.” He was leaning back in his chair in absolute exhaustion. Knowing that his day started around seven thirty, and never seemed to end, you didn't blame him. The few days you had been staying at his place he’d join you for dinner and be right back to work in a second. This job of his pretty much consumed him, and judging by his commitment you understood why he had no time for anyone or anything else. The guy was practically married to his job. His job and his co-workers, that is. You wouldn’t be surprised if Murphy and Carillo’s wives were envious of how much quality time Javier got to spend with their husbands. 

“So you’re staying up until they get back to you?” You didn't mean to sound so perplexed, but you were. Mostly at how unpredictable his hours were. Did he really want to leave the quiet, laid back life at home for whatever this was? He crossed his arms over his chest, and spoke to you in between puffs of his cigarette. 

“Yes, cariño, I'm in my forties, dont got a bedtime.”  The man could barely keep his eyes open, and when he lifted his glass to his lips you felt a little better about ditching him for your fun night out. Of course you wanted to sit with him, have him talk about everything under the sun, like he used to, but you didn’t want to be another thing he had to worry about. 

You barely got to speak to him outside meal times. If he stayed home, safe to say he’d be preoccupied, and if he didn’t it would be just you, and the white noise in his empty apartment, like it had been for the past four nights you had been there. 

The man looked like he needed a cup of tea. You reached for the kettle, pushing it on and leaning against the closed fridge door. “They tell you that at the old people's home?” Grabbing your buzzing phone off the counter you moved towards his surprisingly organised kitchen drawers, in which there was little besides some tea bags, coffee beans, jam, canned fruits and bars of candy. That combined with the eggs, bread and milk in his fridge came to make an almost comical representation of what most people would consider a bachelor's desolate pantry. 

Your eyes shifted to the illuminated screen of your phone, an unread message staring back at you. 

Maria: Leaving in five &lt;3

As you took the bubbling kettle off the burner you made a mental note, reaching for a cup, and a tea bag from the unopened box of earl grey you were pretty certain Javier did not buy for himself, rather became the owner of thanks to one of the nice old ladies who lived opposite him. 

“Somones in a mood today huh?” It was then you realised he had abandoned his work to watch you trudge around his kitchen barefoot in your little party outfit, one hand rested on his chin, one leg crossed over the other as he leant back in his wooden dining table chair. 

The teabag bobbed in the steaming water a couple of times, before you were pulling it out and tossing it in the trash. You grabbed his blue mug by the handle– some generic, machine made ceramic devoid of any personality, something you’d probably find in a show home. It looked like it had always been sitting on his kitchen shelf, only seeing the light of day every once in a while when he ditched his liquor cabinet for the coffee machine on the far end of the counter. Knowing him that wasn’t often.

“I'm kidding .”

“Well cariño I was thinking we could go to the dance bar tomorrow, but now I guess I'll have to stay home and rest my old knees.” He looked so surprised when you placed the mug in front of him, rested on a white paper napkin. It was almost like he had expected you to make it for yourself. The chair made a slight squeak against the floor as you pulled it back and took a seat, pulling his glass, now lined with the slight golden residue of whiskey, towards you. He was still surprised, a little taken back even, but not in offence, rather a tender, grateful smile tugged at his lips. 

“Since when do you dance?” With your focus no longer split between tasks you turned back to the conversation at hand. Making sure to emphasise you remembered just how uncharacteristic Javier’s little suggestion was. 

He took a sip of the earl grey, leaning forward and letting his shoulders fall ever so slightly. The glimmer of a distant memory played in his eyes as he met your gaze.“I don’t. But you do.” Your little reminiscence played in the back of your head like a movie reel, the soft sound of music from the dance bar by your house hanging in the air. As if transported into a distant dream you could see clusters of people twirling and dancing with the beat, like little ghosts behind Javier as he spoke. 

“And who am I going to dance with” When you said those words out loud you meant for them to sound a whole lot more utilitarian than they ended up sounding. Whether it was hope, or some odd suggestion you were in no mood to unpack where from deep in your subconscious that had come. All you could wish for is that he didn’t notice. 

“Plenty of people at the bar who’d love to dance with my darling.” And there it was, that answer you dreaded, delivered with that signature smile, with that warm, twinkling light in his eyes. “You don't have work tomorrow?” unable to bear the thought you moved along to more practical matters. 

He was already halfway through that cup of tea, and like his body was in the middle of some sort of spiritual cleanse you could see him resurface somewhat coherent and with eyes that weren’t half as dead as they were two minutes ago.“‘S friday, need the time off. Besides, I'd kick myself if I didn't make good on your time here. These fuckers still gonna be around when youre gone.” Sometimes you wondered if he was talking more to himself than he was to you. 

You felt a little buzzing in your purse, and you rummaged through it to find your phone. A text from Maria reminding you you needed to leave. “Yeah, you're gonna sit at the bar like a senior citizen while I have some fun?” 

Rising from your seat you searched the room for the last of your things. Notwithstanding the lack of time he had put into making the place home there were still small elements of him scattered throughout that little two bedroom. The fresh flowers in a glass vase on his centre table, framed pictures and art he’d been collecting over the years, small artefacts he’d brought back from his travels. It was so odd, the whole place stood suspended somewhere between home and a place far from it. Familiar yet distant. 

“Hey, they’ve got great drinks.”

He finished the last of his tea, and you picked up his mug and set it in the kitchen sink, running it under the tap water for a quick second to rinse it. Truth be told, you just wanted to sit and chat, and if half heartedly doing the dishes was going to give you a few more minutes with him you’d take it.“Don’t get too excited old man, I'm not driving us home.”

“I can take a few cariño, ‘m not like you.” You travelled to where you’d dropped your heels. 

“Slander.” pausing momentarily in the middle of putting on your shoes you lifted your head to find him looking back at you. His eyes had seemingly followed you all the way behind him, and he was still smiling. Had you not had one hand on his couch holding you in place you just might have tumbled over.  

“You be careful tonight, and don’t walk anywhere alone, especially if it's past ten. I know you– can't even read a damn map, so no wandering around, call me.” It looked like he had already given up on you, one hand rushing to his face to rub his tired eyes, the other plastered to the table. He was shaking his head the way he did when he caught you sneaking out your house one summer. 

“I’ll think about it.” of course you were going to call him, you didn't need an excuse. But you liked to see him all agitated, bossing you around like you knew he liked to do. With everyone, that is.

“No no, you're gonna call me when you get there, and you're gonna call me when you leave, and you're gonna tell me exactly how, and with whom you're gettin back.” You were already at the door, hoping to escape him, but he was yelling your name in that exasperated voice, and you heard him shuffle from his seat to stand up– catch you and drag you back in case that was necessary. 

“But-” Turning to meet his peering form over the wall of his living room you parted your lips, attempting to protest, playfully, but still protest, but he wasn't having any excuses. 

He was doing that thing where he looked at you with his soft eyes, slightly downturned, and the look could convince you to do just about anything, made you feel like you’d rather die than let them down. Anybody else’s nagging would have got you on your last nerve, but you only felt warmth, concern and care when he did it. Hell he could throw you off his roof and you’d still think the same. 

“No buts, no excuses. Thats final” You giggled, half because he sounded so much like a boring old man, and half because he was now leaning against the wall, with the top buttons of his shirt undone, and his hands on his hips, hair dishevelled from when he’d combed his fingers through it. 

“You sound like him..” With brows raised you looked at him expectantly, taunting him with your teases, and you nearly jumped out the door when he walked towards you, ready to grab you back to him as you escaped. Any insult was better than being compared to your dad, especially in this context. “Don't you say that, cariño” He was laughing, and you were laughing, and his otherwise quiet apartment building was now singing with an uncharacteristic gleam, a glow, a gaiety. 

Your shoes clicked against the floors as you scurried away, turning one last time to see him leaning against his door frame, shaking his head as he watched you skip into the night. “I don't make the rules old man”. You heard him chuckle behind you as you ‘sing songed’ your words, your heart fluttering when you noticed he waited for you to get outside before he closed his front door. 

–

It's better than I ever even knew

They say that the world was built for two

Only worth living if somebody is loving you

And, baby, now you do

“Thought I told you not to wander around alone, cariño.” You jumped, but it was too late, he had wrapped you up in his arms, and you were pressed up against his chest, and his voice was a low whisper in your ear. And you were dizzy. The alcohol in your system only partly responsible for your petrified squeak, wavering voice, and the way you swayed gently in his embrace. But when he kissed the top of your head ever so gently you could only giggle, recognising that warm hold, that faint smell of whisky on his shirt. 

“Psycho, you scared the shit outta me.” He was laughing when you turned around, exhausted, defeated almost, but his eyes were gleaming in the moonlight, and you felt yourself all but swoon at the way he was looking down at you.  “You’re lucky I'm the only psycho you ran into” Grabbing your face in his hands each word he spoke was punctuated with hyperbole, and a teasing disbelief. Your own hands shot up to grab his, and your cold palms thawed at the touch. You were sure you felt your heartbeat in your throat when his thumbs brushed the swell of your cheeks, you were sure he could feel the way they grew hot under his rough hands. “Just came out for a smoke, don’t go into cardiac arrest now” your fallen cigarette crumpled under your foot when you stepped on it, and in the midst of your eye roll you watched as he stepped back to look at you in faux disapproval. 

“Look at ya’, terrible.” He motioned his head towards the trampled butt on the ground below you. “Me? Terrible?” When you closed the distance between the both of you you stepped on it again, hearing it crush under your shoes, and shoved his shoulder playfully, poking his chest with your pointer finger. “Drinking on the job again old man?” Then he laughed again, this time at your playful yet truthful accusation, and the sound made you feel lighter than a feather. How could one person be so charming, so charismatic, at one in the morning? Like he was divulging a trade secret he raised his brow. “Keeps me awake.”

The blaring music in the club was muffled in the distance as you walked towards the steps of the church in front of you, the quiet and empty street echoing your footsteps. He walked beside you, kept you close on that pleasant summer night. When you turned your head your eyes caught a group of men huddled by a small food stall at the side of the street, hunched over some beers, smoking cigarettes. In the crowd there were two familiar faces. Steve was dressed casually, Carillo and the others in military fatigues. You wondered why he wasn’t walking in their direction, but judging by the look on their faces you concluded there would probably be a better time to do so. Besides, you weren't complaining, he was enough, he always was. 

They shot you a half hearted wave, and two strained smiles from across the road. 

Taking a seat you pat the stone ground beside you, watching as he looked around, almost willing someone to come into sight, one foot on the steps leading up to the cathedral entrance, wringing his hands. “What’re you doing here anyway?” You wondered what he had done that evening, but you knew you were better off not asking. You were glad to have bumped into him, and the last thing you wanted to do in your giggly half tipsy mood was have him explain something you were sure would keep you up at night. Not when he had that look on his face, his work look. 

“Waitin’ on an informant, but someone fucked up and well, we’re back at square one.” he was still searching the street when he bent down to sit beside you, so close your knees bumped. 

You felt your heart race a little when he pulled out what looked like a joint he had rolled moments ago from his shirt pocket, when he leaned back on his arm, lit it and looked up at the sky as he took a drag. You wondered if in your little emotional panic, your worry of his disappearance you had blocked out the memory of his striking, handsome face. You wondered if he had always been this beautiful, this captivating, everything he did set you on fire, the way he carried himself. 

“Smoke a lotta weed for a DEA agent.” 

He turned his head towards you, letting it fall lazily in your direction, and his hair fell in his face the way it did all those years ago, and he shot you that smile that felt like home. “Been a long day cariño”. He was looking back to the sky, but your eyes didn't leave him. He looked so tragic in the moonlight, half lit by its platinum glow. You weren’t sure if it was the liquid courage, or the fact that his shoulder looked more inviting than ever, or the fact that a cool breeze just blew by, and you shivered as it brushed your shoulder, but you leaned your head against him, and you felt your tummy erupt with butterflies when he placed a lingering kiss to your forehead. It was forbearing, and merciful, and you wondered if he had somehow noticed your girlish fawning, your silly admiration, and your heart dropped momentarily, but was soon resuscitated by his soft laughter. 

“Remember those cigarettes of mine you'd steal back in the day.” The breeze had picked up, and it’s cool was far more jarring when it kissed your hot cheeks. “‘S’not stealing… you knew.” you closed your eyes, and let yourself get lost in that comfortable memory. “yeah , could've told your papa” He was looking down at you, but you kept your eyes ahead, too intimidated to meet his gaze. 

“Didn’t” 

“Should’ve” His voice was a mumble beside you, and you found yourself thinking about your dad for the first time in a while, and you were instantly reminded the man you were so taken up by was his best friend, and almost twice your age, and saw you as nothing more than his buddy’s daughter. You stiffened against him. 

He took another drag of his joint. “If he was here right now his blood pressure would be through the roof”. A cold breeze tickled your skin, and he rubbed your shoulder gently and despite the murmured chatter in your head you couldn’t help but melt into his touch. 

“Darling, I can't believe you've been out this long.” He was laughing, and his horrible impression had you in a similar state. Conflict bubbled in your chest, each word slipping past his lips reminded you of your relationship, of your dad, and what he would think if he could peek inside your head, at your little thoughts. You felt guilty, but how could you hold that feeling? Not when he was shaking with joy beside you, not when he had his arm around you the way he did, not when you were tucked into his side, shielded from the winds. 

“You smell like a dingy bar” It felt so natural, your regular routine, the way it had always been, when your dad would say something funny, or outrageous, and the both of you would have a field day. It was well incorporated in your repertoire at that point, but the years apart had the memory sitting on a shelf in your brain, collecting dust. You remember when your dad made a terrible joke the day of your senior prom, and the two of you refused to let it go the entire evening. Javier had a vocabulary of his favourite phrases, and so did you, and you couldn’t help but pull them out every once in a while. 

“How am I going to survive you?!” You spoke in tandem, each letter dragged out with faux frustration, an uncanny similarity to your dad’s tone ringing in the air as your blended voices formed a familiar melody. It hung between you as he laughed heartily, and you wanted nothing more than to frame the moment, keep it tucked away where it would be yours, only yours forever. The starry night, a twinkling sky above you, the chirp of the crickets,  and perhaps your most treasured person, holding you against him. 

You wondered why he left, why he left you behind. Did he feel the same as you did in that moment? Was he happy to be there? To have caught you on your night out? After he’d called off his wedding all those years ago he’d become a rarer sight. You were too young to remember, and it wasn’t long after your parents got married. Growing up in your little town you’d heard he always had a reputation with women, but you never believed a word of the neighbourhood chatter. 

They were not the same person– the guy everyone talked about, and your Javier. While you’d never give him a break from the teasing, bringing up all the times you’d run into women in the streets, asking if you’d seen him, you could never really imagine him as the man everyone made him out to be. He was reckless, sure, and impulsive, and insolent, and a hardass, but he was also gentle, and thoughtful, and gallant.

At least he was to you. 

As if he could hear your thoughts, and they were so loud in your head you wouldn’t be surprised if he could, he broke the silence. “I wanted to come back cariño, but-” 

“But you couldn’t, I know '' There was no point going over what had happened and why, and while you incessantly wondered you knew it was a fruitless exercise. It was just how he was, he liked to up and leave, disappear, keep his distance, and you wondered if that had anything to do with you. But you didn't want to kill the moment, more for yourself than for him. 

“Glad you decided to come, cariño” It was like he was trying to convince you, of what exactly you weren't sure, but he sounded so earnest, so true.. and you felt deep down he was trying to make amends for his absence. Not just from you, but from the life he left behind. Were you an exception? Or a way to right his wrongs? mend all that had been pushed aside? You didn't know, but you’d worry about that later.

The winds had picked up, and the sky was gleaming, and for the first time in a long time you felt at peace. 

“I like it here, it's nice.” When you spoke he was almost surprised, but your words seemed to only widen his grin. He squeezed your shoulder gently. 

“Me too baby, me too.” 

— 

Singin' in the old bars

Swingin' with the old stars

Livin' for the fame

Kissin' in the blue dark

Playin' pool and wild darts

Video games

He holds me in his big arms

Drunk and I am seeing stars

This is all I think of

“Looks like they knew you were coming.” You swivelled the bar stool in your direction, hopping up on the seat. It was early in the evening, around seven, but the music was already going, and there were people on the dance floor, moving to the beat of retro spanish tunes. Javier took a seat beside you, still in his suit from work, shirt haphazardly tucked into his dress pants, tie loose around his neck. 

“Why?” the bartender placed your drinks on the counter, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the fact that he’d stuck to his whiskey on the rocks. “They got the oldies on”. You were giggling, and while he wanted to pretend like he was far too tired to care about your antics he couldn’t help but crack a smile. There was a charm to it– catching a break at the end of the work week, the tranquillity of the weekend enveloping you like a safety net. One of you that is. 

Friday night was busy at any joint, buzzing with nightlife, food and drink. Somewhere along the way you’d gotten up from your seat and headed to the large empty space in the middle of the bar, where tables and chairs had been cleared to create a somewhat makeshift dance floor. Javier was right, while he sat sipping his whiskey you found plenty of dance partners. 

It was all easy, getting passed from one person to the other as the group formed a large circle. It was like you had disappeared into the crowd, bodies moving left to right in the dim green glow, only occasionally giving you a glimpse of the man sitting at the counter– face rested in his palm. Ask him to dance. These urges of yours were momentary, little private lapses of judgement that would only remind you of what was just not possible. 

When he’d take you out back in the day he’d have some minor injury to blame for his lack of participation on the dance floor, and when he didn’t he was “a terrible dancer” or “had too many drinks”. After a while you stopped asking. You realised you’d never really seen him dance. 

You had grabbed the hand of a stranger, letting them twirl you around– Javier was looking in your direction. For how much fun he liked to have you had come to recognize hardly any of it involved other people. Weddings, birthdays, barbeques. He was there. However, you’d always felt he looked at it as an obligation. A hi to the bride and groom, a bouquet of flowers, some meaningless small talk and he would disappear out the door. When he stayed it was solely in the company of a few familiar suspects– your dad being one. While he was often the subject of conversation, he was a pretty reluctant conversationalist. 

It was hot, and muggy, and if someone asked you where you were in the room you surely couldn’t place yourself. Forcing yourself out of the chatter in your head you looked up, noticing finally that your partner hadn’t changed in the past 10 minutes. 

He was looking down at you quite sweetly, he was actually quite handsome, your age, but he didn’t have a white button up on, didn’t have that sideways smirk. He wasn’t Javier. And unfairly, for that reason alone you didn’t want him. But who were you to say no to pretty green eyes, soft, delicate looking light brown hair, a black button up that wasn’t very buttoned up. Neither of you had the confidence to speak up, so you let him sway you side to side, one hand firmly planted on his chest.

You wondered what he really thought of you, if after this little visit he’d be more compelled to come visit, at least spare you a call. Would he disappear once again? Call your dad once in a while and ask him to deliver some impersonal message like ‘say hi to her for me’? You wished you could care less, but you knew you couldn’t, and something inside you told you he knew too. 

A firm arm wrapped around your waist, spinning you in the opposite direction, faces turned to motion blur as you turned on your heel. “Looks like a saved you, cariño.” He was twirling you, holding your hand in his and pulling you into his chest. He hadn’t really saved you but at the same time he had. He could pick you up from a field of lilies and drop you in a medieval torture chamber and he’d still be your knight in shining armour.  

What the fuck are you doing here? You wanted to ask, but you held back. You wondered what had prompted him on the dance floor. Did he think some weirdo wouldn’t let go of you? Had seeing you dance with someone else accomplished a task years of your coaxing couldn’t? You turned back, but the stranger had already disappeared, and Javier was directing your gaze towards him. 

As you had always suspected he was a great dancer, and he sure as hell liked holding you close as you moved along the dance floor. The songs ran over the decades, and he’d often sing lines to you– smiling and pulling you towards him. He looked so handsome, lights reflecting off his face, his smile tired, but earnest, and wide. You almost couldn’t keep up. 

“Danced your energy away?” Picking up the pace once again you twirled around him, unwilling to give in. “No! Why? your back needa rest?” You watched him laugh– shake his head and grab you by the hips. “Sure you didn't cariño.. Can't keep up with an old man?” Voice raw from yelling over the music, you pulled his leg. “Think I heard your knee pop.” His raised brow only aroused suspicion. “Oh really?” Before you could even respond his arm had hooked under your thighs, and his hand was on your back and you were being lifted into the air. “Oh my god!” Your own arms flung around his neck, both your laughs floating between you as he spun around. 

It felt different and not because something in his head had dragged him out onto the dance floor. The way he was looking at you, the way he just couldn’t let go. It hurt your heart more than anything you’d ever experienced. The pain was conflicting– the love ache and the hurt. Did he know how much he meant to you? Did he even care? Something in your heart told you he did but you chalked it up to innocent hope. 

The music slowed down, and you heard emerging from the stereo a familiar tune. 

You’d hum it all the time, so much so it would drive your father nuts. In the kitchen, while doing chores, sometimes as you read by Javier’s side. On the weekend when you woke up early to help cook breakfast it’d be the first song on the playlist. You recall how he’d watch you dance around the kitchen, truth be told rather ungracefully in the mornings– spatula in one hand, kitchen towel in the other.They played it at some wedding once, and your friends had bounded to the dance floor with you just to ensure you didn’t miss a note. You were running so fast you all but collided with him, and he had to catch your falling form as you stumbled towards your best friend, shouting a quick “sorry” as you bounded in her direction.  

He remembered. 

Words were useless when you looked at him the way you did. An expression of surprise, confusion, realisation, all at once, a smile tugging your lips, your doe eyes gazing into his soft brown ones. And his arms were around you, and you were pressed against his warm chest, and you were gently swaying to the beat of the music. 

“Looks like they knew you were coming.” 

It felt like a blip in time, but it would’ve been hours. People came and left, all around you groups of twos and threes and tens, but you stayed, and he stayed. Smiling down at you, holding you tight. You were a little light headed from it all, feet fighting the urge to take a little break. You just couldn’t let go. 

Plopping down on the bar stool you let your cheek hit the cool marble of the counter. Your legs felt like wet noodles, trembling when you finally sat down. You weren't really sure where Javier went, but it felt like an eternity he let you lay there with your eyes closed. Every second was one hundred times longer when he wasn’t holding you. His arm was firm around your waist when he finally helped you out of your seat. You realised he’d been standing only about two metres away the entire time. 

“Let’s get you home, ‘s late.” He had picked your shoes up from where you’d abandoned them, his own blazer draped over his arm– the one you weren’t hanging on to. With closed eyes you let him lead you out into the night, all your weight firmly supported by his broad shoulders, your stumbling feet only stabilised when he tucked you into his side. 

Unintelligible to anyone but him, and muffled by your yawn and cheek pressed against his upper arm you slurred your words as you spoke. “Past your bedtime?” 

He chuckled to himself, placing a soft kiss to the top of your head, his voice a faint murmur– the last thing you really remember hearing.  “Yes cariño, past my bedtime…” 

—

It's you, it's you, it's all for you

Everything I do

I tell you all the time

Heaven is a place on earth with you

Tell me all the things you wanna do

I heard that you like the bad girls

Honey, is that true?

“You been drinkin’ my whiskey….” He was leaning on the table, waving the glass you left out in the air, holding it between two of his fingers. He wasn’t upset, rather looked quite amused. You rubbed your eyes, making out his smile from a distance.  “Couldn't sleep.” Peering into the room you were staying in you were sure he saw your blankets bunched up on the bed where you had been tossing and turning for hours. Your eyes caught the clock on the wall. 

1am. 

It had been a long day. Being assigned to a new supervisor proved to be a real curse. He was quite a piece of work. Patronising, condescending, everything in between. If that wasn’t enough he rejected your proposal, and asked you to submit a new one in two days. God knows you had a lot on your mind. 

The kitchen cabinet swished when he opened it, bringing you back to the present. “God, you really are like me huh?” He still had his jacket on, but judging by the look on his face he needed a drink first. The couch dipped as you threw yourself on it, and you turned over its back rest to watch him move around the kitchen. 

“I had like one shots worth, with like a whole glass of water, so not like you.” Curled up under his plush throw blanket you sank into the cushions, eyes following him as he sat down beside you. With a deep sigh he leaned back, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index. “Fuckin’ hell” 

“Long day?” He picked up the joint he’d just rolled from the side table, groping for the handle of the drawer to grab a lighter. “Can say that..” It was just another night for him. You were lucky you heard him pull up outside, and had got yourself to look somewhat presentable so you could see him at least once that day. Granted that involved nothing but putting on a bralette. 

Maybe it was the fact that it was late, or that you had such a shitty day, or that you just couldn’t help yourself anymore, but you leaned against his chest, snuggling into his side as he took a drag. “I would try and talk you out of this job, but I think I've exhausted all my arguments..” You twiddled your fingers, just wanting to melt into him and disappear. 

“I don’t think there’s anything else I could do.” You shivered, his fingers tracing shapes on your upper arm. “Couldn’t do whatever it is you’ve been doing…” redirecting your gaze from your lap you looked up at him. “Sometimes it feels like I can’t either” He was looking ahead, voice low and rumbly, and just what you needed to hear. 

“You’ve got time, got one’ve my lifetimes ahead’ve you” He pulled you closer, head resting against yours. “Don't say that” You poked his side lightly, hearing him chuckle beside your ear. “Oh yeah, now those jokes gettin’ to you?!” 

Stewing in a comfortable silence you let yourself ease into his embrace, willing your mind to shut up for the time being and enjoy his company. The way he was holding you– so much more delicately than he ever had before had your heart clenching. “Tell me your day was better than mine.”

His words cut through the chilled air, and your heart soared at the thought that it even mattered to him. “No, sucked.” to anyone else you would have responded with a simple ‘it was good’, some white lie to avoid further questions, but you couldn’t lie to him, he’d figure it out one way or another. “My supervisor’s an asshole..”

Nothing was more comforting than the kiss he placed to the side of your head.“‘m sorry honey” He offered you his joint– seemingly having deserted his agenda of being a good influence in favour of apparently celebrating your mutual disappointment. You felt your cheeks heat. 

“I've never smoked before.” 

Gasping comically he whipped his head towards you. He tapped your nose with his index, pinching your cheek and giving you possibly the most suspicious look he could muster. At least he tried, because his smile peaked through the interrogative exterior. “You little liar.” The gesture had you jumping to defend yourself. Shifting to meet his drooping eyes you almost knocked him over as you plopped on the couch, letting him wrap his free arm around your waist to steady you. “No, promise!” You leaned your forehead against his, your eyes gazing into his in an attempt to convince him. Despite his disbelief you were indeed telling the truth. 

“Oh really? Been drinkin’ too, trouble.” his hand snaked up the nape of your neck, cupping your jaw. It was then you realised just how close you were to him. Your eyes flickered to his lips momentarily. When you realised he had beat you to the task you were convinced you were hallucinating, or had somehow gotten high off the second hand smoke. In pain, you were in utter pain, unveiled and unprotected– subjected to his piercing gaze. 

Painfully aware of the tension that had settled like a thick cloud over you, your voice came out small and strained, but also hopeful. “‘M not trouble….could be though” 

The tightness in his jaw was something you couldn’t ignore. “Yeah, I know” In a moment of bad judgement, or in hindsight good judgement you decided you knew what you needed to do. You were exhausted of having to wonder. You were exhausted of asking questions, exhausted of his absence. You slung your leg over his thighs, lifting yourself onto his lap Leaning against his firm chest you peered up at him through your lashes. 

“Baby, careful”  You knew this time those words were not for you, you knew he was fighting the urge to gather you in his arms. You could see that look in his dark eyes– hungry, and hot. You could feel him, hard against your cotton panties. He bent down to press his forehead against yours, your noses bumping. “Cariño, you don't know what you're doing.”  His actions were in direct contradiction to his words, his large hands cradling your soft cheek, pleading you to put him out of his misery. But you were selfish, like he had been all those years ago, and you needed him to put you out of yours. 

“You don’t want this, Cariño” He swiped his thumb over your bottom lip. He was doing that thing again, where he was talking more to himself than to you. But couldn’t let him decide what you wanted, because for years you’d let him convince himself you’d wanted to keep your distance to maintain his own conscience– to make him feel better about how he’d disappeared from your life. 

“I know what I want..”  You didn’t mean to, but you were pouting, and despite your best efforts to speak with conviction you couldn’t help but come off a little pleading, “show me, please.” surely he knew you weren’t just talking about the weed. 

His lips ghosted over yours, and you could just about burst into tears the way he was looking at you. He probably noticed the way your chin wobbled, the way your doe eyes blinked away from his. Because in a moment you heard him sigh heavily, painfully, and apologetically all at once. 

And he was kissing you. Soft and slow, and gentle, and benevolent and like everything you’d ever hoped for. He tasted how you’d always imagined– like whiskey and cigarettes and everything in between. Like home. His thumb stroked your cheek gently until you pulled away, glossy eyed and wobbly on his lap. 

“Want me to show you what?” And here you thought his eyes couldn’t get any darker. He mumbled into your lips, voice commanding and steady– everything you weren't. He grabbed the back of your neck and guided you back towards him. Threading your fingers through his hair you let yourself get lost in the shelter of his hold. You felt as though he could pretty much eat you alive, the way his lips were moving against yours– suddenly hot and soft and needy. 

Heart racing you chased his lips with your own, but he steadied you with his hands, amused at your zeal. “Gotten all worked up now have we?” You couldn’t help it, you tried, tried to sit steady in his lap, but you just couldn’t, not when you felt his cock, twitch against your clothed pussy. 

You rolled your hips against his, watched as his head fell back against the couch. The crease between his brows only persuaded you to continue. “Shit baby, tryna kill me?” barely audible, his rasp had you bracing yourself with your hands planted firmly on his chest. You dragged your hips again, leaning down and tugging the fabric of his shirt. He reached for the joint he’d abandoned on the side table, bringing it to your lips. 

He observed you greedily. “That's it, good girl.” His voice had never sounded more strained than it did in that moment, watching you take a drag, eyes glossing over. The praise had your heart fluttering, you’d do just about anything to hear it again. Smoking wasn’t helping either of your causes, because it only made you press your pussy harder against his clothed crotch. This time his hips rose slightly to meet you, and he cursed lowly under his breath. Already unable to maintain control. 

Taking another drag he leaned back, letting you rub yourself against him, eyes screwing shut every once in a while, just like your own. He’d bring the joint to your waiting mouth every now and then, revelling in the sight of you getting more and more desperate with each puff. 

“dirty little girl..” you whimpered at his words. “rubbin’ that drippy lil pussy all over my lap.” You looked down, only to find a dark spot on his grey jeans, for where you pressed yourself against him. Incapable of stopping your movements you continued, relishing how the friction eased the throbbing between your legs. “Yeah? few drags got you all achy cariño, got you squirmin’?” 

He was watching you, and you could make out his intense gaze through your fluttering lashes, his eyes scanning you up and down, then fixing on your face of strained pleasure. “Tell me how good it feels, Cariño” His palms smoothed up and down your thighs, harsh and slow, and exercising all the self control he could muster. It was difficult to answer, a response bubbling in your throat before you were incoherently blurting it out. 

"Feels so good..” whining, you grabbed the fabric of his shirt in your fists, bouncing on his lap lightly to feel just anything against you, you wanted more, lust and intoxication clouding your judgement. “Please, need it, need it so bad” Losing all sense of restraint one of his hands reached for your hips, squeezing and gripping firmly. 

He dragged your already rolling hips against him, sliding you against his clothed crotch to the point you couldn’t help but let your legs fall limp, your forehead press against his shoulder. “Need what?” You could feel the tick in his jaw where it was pressed up against your cheek. 

His hand slipped between your bodies, moving your soaked panties aside to feel your wetness. You shuddered when you felt him against you, grinding down on his hand. “Fuck, look at that. So fuckin’ wet for me babygirl.” 

“Need you inside me, please.” Nosing his neck you pressed a kiss there, mouth falling agape as he rubbed your clit, fingers teasing your entrance, just barely pushing into you.  “Like this?” If your laboured breaths were any indication you couldn’t take it much longer. 

You wiggled your hips, trying to bear down on his digits, but he pulled away only to squeeze the inside of your thigh. ““Gettin’ to you already? use your words baby” he was taunting you, your little ‘no’s making him smirk against your shoulder as he went back to sliding his fingers along the cut of your pussy. “What do ya’ want me to do to you? Tell me babygirl.” You knew the sweet talk was only meant to encourage you, and while it worked you couldn’t help the way your cheeks burned when you replied. 

“Want your cock inside me. Want you to fuck me.. please ��� need it” 

Now that he listened to, fingers pulling away and tapping at your lips. When you gazed down at them you could see how wet you really were– having drenched them in the little while he’d had his hand in your panties. Obeying you parted them, letting him slide them into your waiting mouth, sucking gently, the taste of yourself heady on your tongue. “Good girl.” Even though he looked quite composed on the outside you still noticed the way he swallowed thickly when your tongue ran along his digits. 

“Want me to fuck the cute lil pussy?” you shook your head vehemently, and he chuckled at your enthusiasm. “That's my pretty baby.” he kissed you like he wanted to devour you, frantic, and urged, voice so rough it came out almost like a growl. His hands roughly grabbed your hips, flipping you to lay back against his couch. In a moment your sleep top and bralette had been discarded, in a pile on the floor alongside your shorts and his own clothes. 

Slotting himself between your legs you looked down to where his fingers were tracing the inside of your thigh. You gazed up at him, upper body lit by the dim orange light of the side table, broad shoulders slumped as he admired the sight of you– on your back, in nothing but your panties, all for him. As he slowly pulled them down your legs, he sure seemed to relish the way the fabric of your cotton panties clung messily to your wet pussy.  

“Poor thing, just need someone to take care of you don’t you?” It was less of a question and more of a declaration, and undoubtedly it made you feel open and weak. How could you not feel that way? There you were laid out in front of him, every part of you exposed, his toned torso being the only part of him you could really see thanks to the half lit room. It felt like if he looked just a little closer he’d be able to see right through your naked body– and into your scrambled thoughts. 

His index teased your dripping hole, briefly dipping into you and coming back to rub soft circles on your clit. Gasping, your fingers flew to grip his wrist when you felt him slide his cock against your cunt, tip teasing your sensitive nub ever so slightly. “Relax babygirl, be good for me.” Bringing your hand to his lips he peppered your knuckles with kisses, willing you to ease into the cushions as he draped himself over your body. He grasped your face in his palm, kissing his reassurance against your forehead as you felt him line himself up with your leaking entrance. 

You mewled at the stretch of him, at how hot you felt against him as he eased himself into your soft pussy. “Shit- so fucking tight-” his stopped for a second, like he was willing himself not to split you open with one quick snap of his hips. “can barely fit my cock in this lil pussy.” Leaning in your lips searched for his. He let you melt into him, fingers brushing against your side as if to calm you down. 

It was so much– his weight on top of you, his hips slotted between your thighs, forehead pressed against yours. You could feel every pulse, every throb, every ridge of him inside you, nudging those spots you could never reach yourself– and he wasn’t even moving yet. 

When he did start moving you couldn’t help the whimper that slipped past your lips. Your fingers digging into the flesh of his biceps, pulling him closer. You needed him, pressed up against your rising chest, holding you. “I know cariño, I know.” His right hand squeezed your waist, “Feels so good doesn’t it? Yeah feelin’ all full?” 

His voice was so sweet, like honey, warm and sultry in your ear. You nodded a quiet ‘yes’. He cradled your face in his palm, nose nudging yours gently. Mumbling his own rhetorical “yeah?” he kissed the underside of your jaw. For the first time he felt as close as he physically was, big and thick inside you. 

You were drowning in his arms, enveloped by them, cocooned in a bubble of heat, and low breathy sighs, and his lips ghosting over yours as he thrust into you– hard, but slow, and deep.  “That’s it, just like that–” he picked up his pace ever so slightly. “Such a good girl.” His words were gruff, and stuttery and his breath tickled your ear whenever he spoke. 

Feeling the drag of his thick cock against your pulsing walls your eyes struggled to focus on him above you. He on the other hand seemed to have no trouble fixing his gaze on your trembling form. “Makin’ me feel so–” he brought his thumb to brush the swell of your cheek, “fucking good, baby”. Your head buzzed at his praise, burning face turning to rest in his palm. 

With your back lifting off the soft cushion you reached to pull him impossibly closer, wiggling your hips to meet his thrusts. “More, please, please.. Want it” you couldn’t recognise your voice, not when you were begging him, watching his eyes twinkle. “Yeah? Need me to fuck this pretty pussy harder?” you nodded– feeling embarrassed enough at his smirk of surprise to hide your face in his neck, but not enough to stop begging. Another soft “please” barely falling from your mouth.  

Rising slightly he grabbed your hips, holding your thigh against his side. Your tilted hips granted him a whole new angle, and before you knew it you were throwing your head back, letting it fall against the upholstery. “You want that, don't you baby? Need me to stuff you full of my cum?” You could only respond with your sounds of pleasure. 

He pushed you against the cushions, hovering above you to drive himself deeper, watching you turn into a moaning incoherent mess– your whimpers and whines bouncing off the walls and only exhilarating his pleasure. “That's right cariño, I gotcha’” one hand squeezed the flesh of your hip, then travelled up to brush against the exposed column of your throat– fingers tracing your skin before he was leaning down and placing sloppy kisses against you. 

“gonna fuck this pretty pussy till she’s dripping with my cum.”

He must have noticed that dumb, hazy look in your eyes when propped himself back up, still fucking you till your hips pressed into the sofa’s cushions. “Fuck, nothin in that head of yours huh?” You made out his smirk of pride as you jostled around, trying your best to keep your eyes on him as he moved above you. 

It was far easier said than done. Not when you could feel his cock against your throbbing walls, could hear his scruff groans whenever he felt you clench around him, not when he was looking down at you with his furrowed brows, and sweat gemming his hair– which’s curls had been ruffled out of place from when you’d ran your fingers through them. 

Especially not when he shifted ever so slightly, and you felt his tip brush that sensitive spot inside you you didn't even know you had. Javier cursed above you, feeling you squeeze his cock. “that the spot huh babygirl?” he watched the way your eyes fluttered shut, face scrunching in pleasure as he hit it over and over and over again. 

Your head lulled from side to side, your body in overdrive and completely overwhelmed at the sensations. That was until he was cupping your cheek in his palm, tilting your face in his direction. “Use your words for me.”. But you couldn’t, parted lips struggling to form anything coherent besides soft, little whines. 

His hips snapped in a deep, slow thrust. “Say it..” Your eyes were barely open, and you reached and tried to grab him closer, but he stayed above you, unwilling to budge as he slowed to a complete stop– waiting for you to voice your needs. “Yes-”

He mumbled against your lips, nipping, and kissing. “Good girl, my good girl.” To that you nodded, back arching as he drove you closer and closer to the edge.  Every part of you singing at his touch– how he kneaded and squeezed your hot flesh. 

The coil in your belly only tightened and tightened, and you suddenly felt too vulnerable, too exposed to meet his hooded eyes. Turning your face to the side you let the plush throw blanket hide your hot cheeks, burying your face in it. “Look at me, wanna see your pretty face.” It was an instruction. One he expected you to follow like all the others. 

You didn’t think he’d notice that hitch in your breath, the way you did the opposite and smashed your face against the soft fabric. It was all too much, and he was fucking into your soaking pussy, and his hands were roaming your body, and you could feel his skin brush yours, and you were dizzy, and overwhelmed and you could scream and–

And he was slowing down again, just enough to where he kept you on that edge, to where you could savour every bit of him inside you. – “Cariño, look at me..” God he sounded so tender, coaxing you out of your daze just enough to the point you shook your head ‘no’, whimpering and turning only further away from him. 

He kissed your cheek, cooing at your overwhelm. Not to mock you, rather he sounded quite endeared, prideful even. “Baby” Nudging his nose with yours you felt his thumb rub soothing circles against the apex of your cheekbone, urging you in his direction ever so slightly. Your eyes fluttered open, just barely, only to find him smiling down at you. 

“There’s my girl.” 

“Need you to look at me when ‘m fuckin’ you.” He held your face in place as his hips met yours, slow and languid. No part of you was left untouched, his kisses adorning every inch of your exposed skin, lips coming to press against yours every now and then. It was like he could see through your nakedness, and the thought terrified you to no end, made you feel small and defenceless, and had your sensitive cunt squeezing his cock.  

“You close honey?” When you nodded your nose bumped his, and he laughed before he was kissing you gently. He brushed the sweat from your brow, voice so mellow yet in control. “Cum for me baby-” You felt him deep inside you. So so so close. ”Wanna feel you cum all over my cock” 

It rolled over you, slow and intense and deep, in waves. He held you close, cooing at your trembling frame, holding you against him. “'M here cariño, I gotcha, just like that.” Groaning, he watched your eyes struggle to remain open, rolling back into your head as he fucked your throbbing cunt. “That's my pretty girl.” 

His own hips stuttered, thrusts becoming sloppy as he neared his release. Still experiencing the aftershocks of your orgasm you felt him fucking into your warm, pulsing pussy. You felt his cock twitch inside you before he was filling you up with his cum, a strained curse slipping past his lips. 

Ears ringing you registered him catching his breath above you, but it was all too hazy for you to make out. All you really knew is that he hadn’t let go of you, hadn’t abandoned you on the couch to smoke a cigarette or pour himself a drink, instead he was peppering your face with little kisses. “ ‘m so proud’a you cariño– did so well for me.” 

Pulling out he slid his hand under your back, flipping you over so you were snuggled into his chest. The cold air from the open window could barely touch your skin before Javier was throwing the blanket over you– keeping you warm, close. 

You were still in your daze, but even as you lay on top of him, drifting in and out of a deep slumber you couldn’t shake the worry that when you opened your eyes he would be gone. 

That he would have traded you in for the comfort of his bed, or worse would have disappeared into obscurity once again. The thought only stung more as you felt his cum leak out of you, mixing with your own to drip down your thighs obscenely. 

You never really knew if he regretted it, if he wanted you for sure, if he liked having the weight of your body against him. Flinging your arms around his neck you tugged him impossibly closer, burying your face in his neck. A silent plea to stay where he was. You didn’t care if you seemed needy, or clingy or pathetic. 

It was like he knew somehow, like your thoughts floated to him after you’d thought them. And as always there was no explaining to do, no questions to answer, nothing to say. His embrace was safe, and secure, and unwavering. “close those eyes for me cariño mìo” He planted a soft kiss to your nose, his arms tightening around you, palms rubbing soothing circles on your back. “‘m right here babygirl, not goin’ anywhere….”

You did. And he didn’t. 

It's better than I ever even knew

They say that the world was built for two

Only worth living if somebody is loving you

And, baby, now you do

Now you do

Now you do

Now you do

Now, now you do

Now you do

Now you do

I would also like to add that we are engaging with this concept solely in the realm and interest of fiction. This type of situation is a huge red flag. While the reader is seemingly consenting and enthusiastic there is a huge power imbalance between her and Javier. He has also known her her whole life and has been a significant part of her childhood. Engaging sexually or romantically in a relationship like that is creepy gr*omer behaviour. I used their past as a narrative device because this isn’t real, but please be aware of your media consumption, and that dynamics between characters in fic are vastly different from what is healthy, and ethical in real life. 🫶🐝💗

I really hoped you lovelies enjoyed it!! Please let me know what you think, I'd love to hear it! Thank you to everyone who reblogs my work, you keep me writing. Dividers and banners by @ saradika 💗🐝✨

[ericshoney]

Mini Matt knows the plan! ~ Sturniolo Triplets

Summary: You join Nick, Matt and Chris for their video where they become dads to eggs for the day, only to be roped into Matt's plan.

Warnings: possible swearing, platonic nicknames, chaos, fluff

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had been sleeping peacefully, knowing the chaotic day planned ahead, when you heard whispering.

"Psst, kid, wake up."

You opened your eyes and saw Matt stood next to your bed. You checked the time and saw it was half one in the afternoon.

"Morning petal." Matt chuckled.

"Uh morning.....why are you waking me?" You asked, your voice groggy due to sleep.

"I have a plan and need Mini Matt's help." He answered, you made out a mischievous grin on his face.

You nodded and rubbed your eyes. You got out of bed, took a quick shower and got changed for the day. Matt remained sat on your bed as he waited for you.

"Alright, what's your plan?" You asked.

"So you know we're filming the video of being parents to eggs for the day?" He reminded.

"Yeah. I still can't believe we're doing this." You answered.

"Well I know for a fact Nick and Chris aren't going to play fair. I've decided it's time for us to fight back." He continued.

"Okay, how so?" You questioned.

Matt smiled and started talking about his plan. How he would copy Nick and Chris' eggs, take their original ones away and cook them for breakfast. You were in shock when he told you the plan but agreed to it.

"How on Earth did you come up with that plan?" You asked Matt once he finished explaining.

"Guess my inner villain is coming out." He joked.

You laughed and agreed to the plan. You knew Nick and Chris wouldn't play fair, it's just how they rolled and they wanted to win. But you knew if Matt's plan worked, you and him would win.

You then left your room with Matt, the two of you sitting at the kitchen table as Nick set the camera up and Chris boasting about how he'd make a great dad.

"I'm sure you will Chris." You said, giving him a smile.

"Thanks kid!" He exclaimed.

You smiled and looked at Matt who gave you a wink. You shook your head as Nick sat down, introducing the video. It seemed simple enough, until the eggs got smashed and you all had to change clothes, but this all worked for Matt's plan he told you.

After getting changed and re-doing your eggs, Matt took the photos, another part of his plan. This was so he could have an image to copy from later.

The challenge went on, the guys made some jokes as you just carried your egg around, mainly being a distraction for Nick and Chris so Matt could continue his plan.

As it got time for all of you to head out, taking your eggs to the beach, you got in the car besides Nick, holding your egg on your lap and holding Matt's egg also. Chris filmed as Nick rocked his egg, making you laugh at how serious he was taking the challenge.

When Matt parked up, you all walked over to the swings. Matt and Nick sat on the swings holding their eggs as you looked at yours.

"What if I threw it into the sea?" You asked out loud, making the trio laugh.

"Then you'd lose instantly, kid." Chris answered.

You looked at Matt, who nodded slowly. This was another part of his plan. You'd purposely lose to distract Nick and Chris again.

You got close to the camera Chris was holding and smiled wide.

"Don't try this at home." You said.

You then ran towards the water, the guys screaming for you, as you threw your egg into the water, a loud laugh escaped your lips as you ran back to the guys.

"Well, Mini Matt lost." Nick said.

"Terrible mother!" Chris joked.

"It was a fucking egg!" You exclaimed.

"Just to everyone watching, if that was a real baby, I wouldn't throw it in the water, but because it was an egg, I thought it would be fun!" You added, facing the camera.

"Well, is that challenge over?" Chris asked.

"No, keep it going, I can help film." You answered, taking the camera.

He nodded as you all decided to call it a night. Nick and Chris walked ahead of you and Matt to the car. Matt leaned down to your ear.

"Good job, kid." He whispered.

You smiled as you got into the car, Nick and Chris kept teasing Matt, saying he was next.

"You'll see. I'll eat your eggs for breakfast." He responded, giving away his plan, but neither Nick or Chris realised.

You then headed home, placing the eggs in a box for the night, knowing the guys would be waking up to "feed" their eggs during the night.

The next morning, you were sat in the kitchen at the table, when Matt walked through. Neither Nick or Chris were around.

"Morning petal, want eggs for breakfast?" Matt asked, holding Nick and Chris' original eggs up.

You laughed but nodded, watching him cook the eggs, whilst also recording it for his little video later. When the eggs were cooked, you ate them happily, whilst Nick and Chris walked in, oblivious to the whole thing.

Everything continued on, Nick and Chris not knowing their eggs were frauds and had no idea of your and Matt's plan. You were now watching Nick drop his egg from the stairs onto some pillows.

"He's okay!" He exclaimed.

You laughed from behind the camera, recording the whole thing. Chris did the same and his egg was also okay, then it was Matt's turn. You knew it would break as it was already damaged from Nick accidentally placing his thumb in it when offering to hold it.

"Oooh!"

"No!" Matt cried jokingly, picking the egg up.

"Oh no it's broken!" Chris shouted.

"Ah, looks like your cooked Matt." Nick said.

"So is it over now?" Matt asked, not bothered by the eggs.

"Honestly it was over when Y/n threw it into the water." Nick answered.

"I wasn't really interested, it was a damn egg!" You shouted, making them laugh.

"True, it was mostly between us three." Chris agreed.

"Alright, let's end this." Nick said, as the three of them sat at the table. You sat on the counter behind them.

Nick went to film the outro, when Matt finally caved and got his laptop, playing the video you and he filmed, telling the two about the plan you had made. Both Nick and Chris were in shock as they watched the video.

"Case in point. Don't fuck with me." Matt said, closing his laptop once the video finished.

"Or Mini Matt!" You added.

"What the fuck!" Nick exclaimed making you both laugh.

"I'm lost for words." Chris said.

You and Matt laughed at their shocked expressions. They were quiet before they started filming the outro again.

"I honestly don't know what to say. Both of you are fucking crazy." Nick said.

"It's your villain's back story." Chris teased.

You laughed again and knew the fans would love this video and if you needed a partner in crime, Matt was always the guy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tags:

@lgbtq-girl @mattsfavbigtitties @onelesslonelygirlbieber6 @riowritesitall @sturniolo-fann

[ateez-himari]

Deep Down [Treasure Film]

(Archive) Himari's heavy confession on the beach

As the girl waddled over to the staff standing on the shore she couldn't help but fidget with the flag in her hands, her heart already heavy with the words she wanted to say yet was not sure how to.

[The maknae seems to be nervous...]

She retracted her hands back into the sleeves of her jacket and seemed to zone out with her gaze fixed on the sea in front of her for a moment. When she finally turned back towards the other members, the smile she had tried to hard to keep on her lips couldn't hold itself and revealed a rather worried expression.

Since the beginning of their journey she had tried to keep a careless, joyful, exterior but on that night she simply couldn't hide her true emotions anymore. After hearing her friends open up about their insecurities it seemed almost unfair for her to lie to them with such a face, to deceive them though they had been honest with her.

[It seems the maknae's confession will not be a joyful one...]

"I want to start off by saying that I'm sorry." She shouted as loud as she could, her voice breaking slightly at the end of the sentence. "I know that I'm behind you all in terms of skill...and I'm sorry I put the burden of helping me on your backs all the time. I'm also sorry that I brought so much hate to our team."

[Himari's heart is full of apologies...]

Tears began to fill her eyes as she finally opened up the truth hidden in her heart for so long, as she finally showed them just how much the hate comments she had gotten even before their debut had broken her down. She quickly hid herself in the camera director's opened arms as the pain she had tried to hide for so long made her heart tighten.

The effects of so much hate were always hidden by the young idol but now she felt as though she could not bear to handle the intense anxiety alone, the trembling hands, the forced lacks of appetite and the crippling headaches she would blame on reading.

When she finally pulled herself away from the director's hold, she took a deep breath before clenching her fists, holding herself strong to finish her heartfelt confession.

[So much love for Director-nim.]

"Even though things have been hard...thank you for being my anchors all of this time." She continued. "Thank you for giving me your love unconditionally, for turning my future from terrifyingly uncertain to something bright. You've shown me that I'm not alone anymore, that I never will be again. Thank you for staying late with me to practice, for taking care of me even when I wouldn't reach out for help, for being by my side even after everything."

In an attempt to stop her tears, she bit her bottom lip and yet they still dripped down her cheeks, shaking her chest slightly with poorly muffled sobs.

"I love you all...so much." She managed to shout out, wiping her face with her sleeves. "I'll choose you, always. You're my soulmates and I wouldn't have it any other way. I found my strength in you, in your love, and I hope you can find yours in me. Thank you for convincing me to stay and I...I'm so sorry I ever wanted to leave. I'm sorry...and I love you, I'll always love you all. Please continue to take care of me !"

[After carrying such a burden, the maknae finally cries...]

Not long before this, the girl had made the decision to leave the group in order to take away the hate 'fans' were throwing towards the team because of her and to avoid dragging them down. Thinking it would be better to tell her members before announcing it to their manager, she had gathered everyone in the living room and broke the news with a heavy heart. That night of uncertainty turned into one of heartbreaking confessions, tears, apologies, embraces and most importantly into one of bonding. That night she realized that these eight unlikely friends were her anchors against the harsh winds of the world.

Despite her tears, a warm smile lit up on her face as she brought her arms above her head to form a heart, one that was quickly replicated by her group members.

"We'll always take care of you !" Yunho shouted. "Now come back up here before you catch a cold !"

[The night might be cold but their hearts are warm thanks to each other.]

At his words she bowed to the staff before happily running back to her friends, embraced by Jongho's strong arms the moment she stepped foot on the wooden floor.

"We love you Hima." Seonghwa reassured, his hand coming to rub her back gently. "We always will, no amount of hate will change that."

The girl peered up in her member's loosening embrace, looking towards her leader hesitantly in fear that what she had said might have been too much as he had not yet spoken. Instead of finding comforting words like the others had he simply walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her, one hand placed on the back of her head to keep her pressed against his shoulder.

No one but them knew just what thoughts were being exchanged in that moment but the youngest teared up once more, her arms wrapping tightly around him, her hands gripping on to the back of his jacket.

"I promise to hold your hand through it all." Hongjoong finally said. "I'll listen to your heart when it hurts, just make me a promise too...stop hiding when you're struggling, yeah ?"

"I promise..."

Without warning, seven other pairs of arms wrapped around the two and laughter began erupting once more, the atmosphere instantly relaxing the moment they were all together.

[The editors were crying...so we couldn't make a proper caption. ㅠㅠ]

[hauntedxchris]

Beach baby (part 1)

chrissturniolo!x fem!youtuber

summary: you fall inlove with a youtuber, your a girl and get alot of hate because of it but chris makes it better <3

fluff /angst / possible smut in other parts!! <33

"who's my celebrity crush? oh i love this question! chris sturniolo, like from the sturniolo triplets? he's pretty cute." you say on your stream, hoping it wouldn't affect the fandom of her and the triplets.

"uhh no we've never met, i'm just a small youtuber and started like a year ago. i do know tara yummy as you all know, i was in the trap house before we all split. i know she and nick are texting back and forth!" you say as the comments go crazyyy.

"oh i gotta go y'all, have an amazing day and see you on wensday for the video" you kiss the camera and stop the stream.

as the day starts to end, you go on tiktok to see edits but what you didn't expect is ship edits with you and chris.

user: "oh my godd y/n and chris🤭"

user2:"they should meet already!!"

christophersturniolo: "who's the y/n everyone is stalking me about?"

user3: "CHRIS KNOWS WHO Y/N IS NOW!!"

matthew.sturniolo: "yall what's her ig?"

tarayummyy: "MY BSF AND CHRIS??"

nicolassturniolo: "YOOOO SHE'S SO PRETTY!!"

christophersturniolo started following itz.yn.

matthew.sturniolo started following itz.y/n

nicolassturniolo started following itz.yn

nicolassturniolo: are you the actuall y/n?? I've heard sm about you, i was in your stream last night!

itz.y/n: no way😭🙏🏻🙏🏻 i litteraly love you guys so much!! i didn't know you were in my stream last night?!

nicolassturniolo: we all were y/n! chris might've blushed when you talked about him🤭 but anyway, we should meet up sometime with tara!!

itz.y/n: first of all, yes. you me and tara should meet!! and two, CHRIS SAW ME TALKING ABOUT HIM????? couldn't care to comment😔

nicolassturniolo: we'll talk later we're about to film, me and tara are meeting up tomorrow at my house, come around!! *adress*

itz.y/n: see you then!!

the next day, you got ready for tara to pick you up. you and tara called last night since she knows about the crush on chris. you've known her for what, 7 years and you've always let her know if you like someone.

"BITCH IM HERE" tara yells from downstairs, you gave her an extra key to the house since she's always here.

"UPSTAIRS!!" you yell back.

"come onnnn we have to hang out with nickkkk, also chris and matt are gonna be there." she says as you choke on water.

"and nobody cared to tell me?" you say.

"uhhh well i don't care, you look hot by the way. LET'S. GO." she says and takes your hand to the car as you two drive to the triplets house.

not to forget, CHRIS IS THERE. the person you liked for over a year.

"y/n are you nervous?" tara teases you.

"tara shut up!! im about to meet fucking the sturniolo's? and chris!!!" you groan.

"whomp whomp, get over yourself. maybe he'll fall inlove with you aswell!" she laughs.

"i hate you so much tara." i smile

"i love you too hun!" she smiles back as she puts on silence between songs by madison beer.

"oh did you know madison and the triplets are friends?? you're one step closer to madison now!" i smile at tara.

"oh shit, nick is close with madison right?" she says.

"yesss she's such a sweetheart." i smile.

"okay get over your fangirling, we're here."

estrella speaks!!: MY FIRST EVER FANFICTION😭 you'll get more chapters don't you worry!! y/n and chris?🤭 i love youu

[shadowsndaisies]

iceman's final flight

WC: 3.3k

synopsis: ice's funeral, as you can imagine, is painful and heartwrenching

main masterlist

athena-verse master post

a/n: the brain rot my friends is absolutely insane.

You never liked wearing your full-service dress uniform. The whites meant shipping off, and the blacks always seemed so morose. And wearing it for Tom Kazansky's funeral, well, it was difficult to even get it on. Honestly, if Jake hadn't knocked on your door, you're not sure you would've been able to do it.

But he did.

He stood, fully dressed, and didn't say anything when he saw you still in your pajamas. Simply squeezed into your barrack and directed you to the shower. When you came out, he had your service dress laid out on your bed. he waited, back turned while you put them on, and then sat you down and did your hair. You focused on him while he did. The careful movements, the gentle brushes. You knew he had a sister, but this was much more of Jake than of Hangman.

He didn't ask you about it, even though you know he probably wanted to. He knew that your dad had been close with Ice; they'd been in the same Top Gun class, and that was all he needed to know for now.

So he helped you get ready.

He gave you a protein bar because he knew you wouldn't eat anything otherwise; quite frankly, you weren't sure you could stomach even that, but he patiently waited, watching, making sure you ate something. The blank look in your eyes was alarming because in the years he'd known you now, he'd seen your eyes get glassy with nostalgia, sadness, and heartbreak. He's witnessed the fire from anger, ferocity, and challenge; he's melted at your softness, your light; and been in awe of your mischievous streak, and cunning mind. He's never seen this, though, the blank dis-attached expression.

He guided you to the atrium where the rest of the recalled aviators were meeting before you'd all participate in the procession to the burial site. Hand pressed to your back, as you seemed to disassociate with everything around you.

Your dad was already on site when you arrived. Staring at the photo of Ice, and while he looked every inch the PACFLEET Commander that he was, you much preferred the collection of photos that you had. Polaroids and film shots from you as a toddler on his shoulders or in his lap, the collection that grew with each of your father's deployments spent in his home, of barbecues and beach days. This man helped raise you. He filled in the role of father when yours was on a deployment. He signed permission slips and stayed up with you that first night of every deployment when you were too anxious to sleep.

Goose had been your godfather, the one who you would go to if something ever happened to Mav, and then Goose was the one who was gone. And Mav changed the papers. He changed it because how could he place that pressure on Carole when she's battling her heartbreak and raising Bradley? Ice and Sarah were the ones who would assume you if he took his last flight before you were old enough to take care of yourself.

When your dad spotted you, he waved you over. You felt Jake's hand at your back reassuringly before you left the rest of the team.

Approaching your dad, you notice who is next to him, and you have to fight to not break down at the sight of Aunt Sarah.

"Ma'am," your voice cracked as you stood at attention.

There were tears in her eyes as she looked at you, "Stop, no," she corrected, arm grabbing you. "You're our girl, remember? I don't want Ma'am's, not from you, never from you," her whispers bring more tears to your eyes, and your vision swims as you try to breathe through it.

"Lieutenant Mitchell," you straighten at Cyclone's voice and turn to him. "A word before we begin," he calls, and you nod. "Apologies, Mrs. Kazansky, for the interruption.”

You squeeze Aunt Sarah's hand before walking over to the Vice Admiral, "Yes Sir," you respond, standing at attention.

"The Kazansky family has made a request," he begins, and you swallow the lump in your throat.

"Sir?" you ask.

"Mrs. Kazansky, has indicated that following the conclusion of TAPS, she would like the flag presented to her children," he explains.

"I'm sorry, Sir. But it was my understanding that you would be presenting the flag?" you finally ask, though your voice lacks its normal luster.

"In his instructions, Tom Kazansky requested that you present the flag to his family, Lieutenant," Cyclone says, and you freeze.

He did what?

Your eyes meet the Vice Admirals, and you're not sure how to react or what to say.

"Do you accept this final order from former PACFLEET Commandar Tom Kazansky, Lieutenant?" he presses when you stay silent too long.

"Sir, yes, Sir," you affirm.

"Good. You will honor his flag, Lieutenant, assume your position," he nods to the space where you assumed he would have been, but you nod your head in affirmation.

"Yes, Sir," you repeat.

He nods once more, a look in his eyes, but doesn't say anything else, instead walking away. You took a moment to breathe, then you turned and assumed the position across from Cyclone. Your eyes focused for a moment on the coffin in front of you. The resting place for the man who helped raise you. You swallowed the lump in your throat again and then assumed a position at attention. You made eye contact with your dad, who nodded at you with glassy eyes, with Natasha, who offered a sad smile in support, with Jake, whose expression was nearly unreadable but whose eyes were focused entirely on you, and finally with Bradley, who looked like he was in a similar boat, keeping back tears and swallowing the distress in his throat. He was so much bigger, so much older than when his mom passed, but his tells hadn't changed all that much. You focus on him for a moment, and despite the rift, the still uneven footing you both have with each other, there's something there in this moment, brought on by the man who loved you both the way he loved his own kids.

When TAPS began, a chill went down your spine, a finality of what it all meant settled over you, and a tear escaped. You sniffed but remained silent. Warlock was on your left, and Cyclone was across you. You followed the motions, folded the flag, and when the ends were tucked in, you approached Aunt Sarah. She nodded with a sad smile, and you continued, stopping beside Ryan and Elizabeth. Ryan and Elizabeth, who had been your younger siblings, who you love so much, and who you used to play with in their playpens. Ryan and Elizabeth who were both married with their own kids now. They looked so incredibly sad, but as they stared at you, Elizabeth started shaking her head like she couldn't believe this was happening. And when you held out your hands, flag proffered. Ryan's hands clenched, but he waited for Elizabeth. When he looked at you for help, you cast a sideways glance at Aunt Sarah, who was crying silently now.

"Lizzie," you whisper, and Ryan's eyes blow wide.

Talking was not a part of the process, especially informally, not when presenting honors to a grieving family, but this was your family, too.

"Lizzie, take the flag," you whisper again, and this time she meets your eyes, and you nod encouragingly at her. "Take the flag, kid," you repeat, and this time, she uses one hand to hold her brothers as she accepts the flag. Ryan's other hand supports it, and if you squeeze his hand gently as you hand it off, no one else needs to realize it except him.

You step back and salute the Kazansky family, and your father steps up to do his part. His wingman until the end, you watched, arm still raised, as your father approached the head of the casket and placed the aviation wings at the head, pounding it into the casket.

His final flight.

The sound of the pin pounded in place and echoed in your ears long after the jets of salute and the sound of TAPS.

When it was over, and the civilians began to walk away, you moved to fall in line with the aviators. A space had appeared beside Bradley and Hondo. You swallowed as you stepped into it. You could feel his eyes on you as you did.

When the call for dismissal was stated, your whole body seemed to sag a bit, tired, strung out, and heartbroken.

"(Y/n)-" Bradley's the one who said your name so softly, so broken, that you almost caved. You almost caved and launched yourself at him the way you would have in the past.

Almost.

Because Ryan and Elizabeth were walking straight up to you at the same time, calling you with a wavering, "Miss Mitchell," the tone nearly reminiscent of when you were kids.

"Kid Kazansky," you greet in kind, matching his tone.

"Is it bad form to hug you now?" Elizabeth asks though she doesn't really wait; instead, she lunges at you.

You rock back a bit and feel Bradley's arm steady you before it retreats.

"Never bad form for a Lizzie hug," you whisper, and she sobs a little.

"Bradley?" Ryan's surprise is evident as he stares at the man beside you. His eyes jumped at you and then Bradley like he couldn't figure out the puzzle before him, not that you blamed him; you were having a hard time, too.

"Wait, Brad?" Lizzie asks, turning to catch as Ryan and Brad shake hands.

"You two grew up," he notes sadly.

"Well you'd know-" you pinch at Lizzie's side, she had a smart mouth, something Ice and Sarah liked to blame on you, but now was not the time, and this was not the place.

Elizabeth huffed but stepped aside to stare at Bradley, and he stood and took it while Ryan stepped up and hugged you. If he squeezed tight, you squeezed back, and when he pulled back, you could see today's toll on him.

The Kazansky kids have been prepared for this day from the moment Ice was diagnosed, maybe even earlier when you consider all the deployments, but just because it was a possibility, the reality of it was painful to experience and to witness.

"Mom wants to know if you're able to come to dinner tonight, she said to add she's not afraid to pull the grieving widow card," Ryan asks, and you smile ruefully.

"I-" you begin, but Lizzie cuts in.

"We understand, though, if it won't work," she reassures you. "Dad mentioned some special detachment as the reason you were back for a bit," she admits.

"Time sensitive and top secret," Ryan supplies, and you frown at them.

"When'd you two get so smart?" you ask with a frown, bringing a small watery chuckle out of Aunt Sarah, who'd finally walked over herself.

"Probably around the same time you did, sweetheart," she says gently, taking your face in her hands.

"I am so proud of you," she begins, and the tears reappear in an instant.

"Aunt Sarah-" you try to stop her, all too aware of how the rest of the detachment is unabashed in witnessing this moment.

"I am so incredibly proud of you, Lieutenant Mitchell, but I am even more proud of (Y/n)," she begins again. "And he was too. He was so, so proud of you. And folding the flag, it was unfair of him to ask that of you, but I am so proud of you and so grateful that it was you handing it off, holding his honor," she says, and you break.

A sob slips past your lips, and she pulls you forward and presses a kiss to your forehead, mindful of your cap. "I will see you at dinner, Lieutenant. It's perfectly alright if you're late. We've spent a lifetime on the Navy's clock; we can last another day," she says finally, and you nod. "Good, bring your dad," she adds as an afterthought.

"Yes, Aunt Sarah," you nod.

"Good girl," she smiles again, still holding your face, and when she lets go, she straightens your coat, just like she did after hugging you at your graduation. She finally looks down the line at the aviators standing nearby. She starts with Bradley, directly on your left, "You too Bradley Bradshaw, I expect to see you at dinner, and I demand one song, any song," she says forcefully, staring hard until he nods his affirmation at her, lips sealed shut.

She looks down the line; you know she recognizes Yale and Harvard from when you were in Top Gun originally; the two had become your guests for poker nights and barbecues. She turns back to you, "Bring all twelve of them," she finally decides, and you hear the intake of breath beside you.

"Aunt Sarah-" you begin.

"Let's teach them who he really was, huh?" she says softly, and you nod.

"Yes, Ma'am," you agree.

She smiles, tapping your cheek one last time before turning to her kids. Each loops an arm with her, and they walk back toward their cars. The second they're away, you sag fully, all but ripping your cap off, breathing too fast; you know you are.

Bradley reaches for you first, but you flinch away, and he freezes. Nat's calling your name, and the rest of the team is lining up around you protectively. The first set of eyes you meet are green. Jake. Slowly, he shows you his hands, and one starts at your shoulder, skims down your arm, and takes your hand, pulling it into his chest.

"C'mon, 'Thena," he whispers softly, "five senses," he adds, and you nod jerkily.

Five things you can see: green eyes, Jake's ribbons, Bradley still hovering beside you, the grass, the jet trail in the sky

four things you can touch: Jake's dress shirt, the cufflink of Jake's coat, his hand, which is holding yours in place, the chain of your dog tags around your neck.

Three things you can hear: distant chattering of all the funeral attendees, Jake's gentle affirmations, Hondo on the phone

Two things you can smell: Bradley's cologne, the fresh dirt, and topsoil.

One thing you can taste is blood from where you'd bitten your lip during the ceremony.

You take a staggering breath at the end and let go of Jake, who straightens beside you and waits for your next move. He allows you a moment to continue evening out your breathing.

"Two feet on the ground, right?" he asks.

"Copy, you," you confirm.

He nods, satisfied by your response.

You finally look around at how the team had shuffled to keep you out of sight from anyone else. Yale and Harvard are sending you concerned glances as they stand guard.

"I'm fine," you tell them, waving off the concern. "I'm fine, it was just too much, at once, but, I'm fine," you say, readjusting your cap back on your head.

"Maybe you should take a minute, Athena," Bradley cuts in.

"I said I'm fine," you negate.

"Just take a breath! Do your box breathing-"

"Box breathing? Are you serious Bradley?" your tone finally loses the flat edge it's had all morning, giving way to incredulity. To his credit, his eyes blew wide at it. "Box breathing hasn't worked since I started pulling Gs regularly," you scoff. "I said, I'm fine!"

"You don't look fine!" he argues, the two of you facing off across each other now.

"And how would you know?" you challenge, voice dropping back to a reasonable level, but suddenly so cold. "How could you possibly know what fine looks like for me now?"

He freezes again; it's a direct dig, more so than any of the wave-offs you've done when he tries to talk to you since you both got reassigned.

"If Athena says she's fine, then she's fine. I'd take her at her word any day," Harvard cuts in, and you look at your friend gratefully.

"Seconded, c'mon, we can give you a lift back to base," Yale agrees, and you nod.

You spare another glance back, focusing on Jake. He nods at you, though you can see the concern in his eyes, and you nod again, turning and walking in line with Harvard and Yale.

"My saviors," you whisper to them.

"It's a hard day, and the absolute least we could do," Harvard offers.

"You're getting softer with age, Brigham," you chirp, but there's no heat behind it.

"Speaking of soft," Yale hedges, and you side-eye Logan. "Hangman knows about your anxiety attacks?"

"Not only does he know, he knows how to talk you down," Harvard supplies.

"Don't," you warn them.

"Today is hard, we know. We know it's going to be hard for a long time," Harvard back peddles.

"We just… we wanna look out for you Athena, you always did for us, you still do," Yale clarifies. "Look, Hangman's a cocky bastard-"

"I believe Phoenix was the one to coin the term Texan Douchewad," Harvard supplies.

"But," Yale sends his WSO a look, "it's obvious, he's different with you."

You were content to ignore the prodding, but Harvard stopped, handing over the passenger seat door. He planed to open it for you but pauses and holds out a hand.

"Just hold on a second, please," Harvard asks when you start glaring at him. You huff but pause. "Look, today… today sucks, but seeing him help you makes him suck slightly less in my book. You're the only person he didn't ditch during the dogfights. We assumed he was brown-nosing because Mav's your dad, but obviously there's more there. Ice was… he was so much more than PACFLEET Commander to you, we know that. We've seen what you and he were like together. I consider myself really fucking lucky that you trusted us enough to share that shit with us, and clearly Hangman knows it too, but he hasn't made a single Nepo-Baby joke the entire detachment," he lines out, and when you drop his gaze, he sighs.

"Athena, we learned day fucking one at Top Gun that you are a force and a half, we have always got your back, we just… we need to know the play is, that's all," Yale tags on.

You lift your gaze and stare at the two; Brigham and Logan were the only Aviator/WSO team that got recalled. Payback and Fanboy hadn't worked together before, nor Phoenix and Bob, or even Fritz and Halo, just them. You're stuck on how well they know each other for a second, and you are so glad they got called back, too.

"The play.. the playbook is on fire," you admit, and they share a nervous glance. "It's in a fucking dumpster fire, with jet fuel poured on top," you tell them, and they wince. "But, the plan is we go back to base, we finish the day, we go to dinner. I'll probably cry my fucking eyes out, so hopefully, one of you will bring tissues, and then tomorrow we go back to work because Ice died, but the clock doesn't stop, and he'd be pissed if I let Jake or Bradley make Team Leader over me," you huff out.

It hurts so much because his phrasing would have been over my dead body will you let cocky aviators walk over you, but he is dead.

You just buried his body.

That doesn't change the point, Kiddo.

Your heart clenches at the response because it even sounds like Ice.

Ice cold, no mistakes, the voice continues.

"Ice cold, no mistakes," you repeat softly.

"Then that's the play," Brigham nods, finally opening the door for you.

...

everything: @butterfly-skinnylegend

athena’s tags: @omgbrianab @smoothdogsgirl @bazellawriz @sbrewer21 @inky-sun @djs8891

[gardenwalrus]

Norman Jopling interview with Paul McCartney, 'How The Beatles spend an evening', Record Mirror (week ending 15 May 1965) [The Beatles saw Bob Dylan perform on 9 May]

It was a typical quiet evening at London's Savoy Hotel. Quiet that is until the Beatles turned up to see Bob Dylan. They all trouped down to the restaurant and ordered Porridge and Pea Sandwiches.

They got them. Then one of the boys spotted Owls Legs on the menu. They ordered them as a joke. It didn't take too long before the Owls Legs were actually served, piping hot, to the group.

"But we wouldn't have known if they hadn't been Owls Legs" said Paul.

An evening out for the Beatles is something of a rarity nowadays. The boys are leading almost entirely self-contained lives and the latest development of theirs to entertain themselves are film projectors.

"We've all bought 16mm film projectors with sound and everything," explained Paul. "And we hire loads of films - it's surprising but you can get some of the really latest top films. For instance I've got "Topkapi" and "Tom Jones". And we hire some of Elvis's films too … I like them in the same way that I like "Double Your Money."

JOHN'S HOUSE - LIKE A CINEMA

"The projectors cost a lot of money, about two hundred quid I think. But they're worthwhile to us at least, because we don't get a chance to get out and see these films. John is the really keen one. He has it all organised, showing two films a night now. It's just like a cinema round his place. We all sit there eyes glued to the screen. And he doesn't start showing them until late, well, after television has finished and none of us get to bed until fantastically late hours.

"We all sit bleary-eyed in front of the screen making signs with our hands on the screen - little animals and all that ...

"So far we haven't got a copy of "Hard Day's Night". Not that it bothers me. I didn't like the film anyway. Seriously, I mean that. The original novelty or seeing yourself on screen wears off. You know, like home movies of yourself at the seaside. The good thing is that at least you can come out with anecdotes every ten seconds about what happened behind the scenes."

Paul talked about the Beatles next film, "Help".

"l like this one better. It has been great filming it. But all the residents of the Bahamas hated us. Really. They're so rich there and they were so rude to us that we just didn't care. We all rented Triumph Spitfires and drove them around the island. They didn't like that either.

"But there are some good scenes from the film. There are shots of us in a disused quarry, using it as a race track. We found it when we were waiting for the technicians. We were screeching around it like mad. Well, they filmed it slyly and put it in the film. Just like that.

"There are no speeded up shots, like in "A Hard Day's Night", but there arc some other visual gimmicks. Like standing on a rock In the middle or the ocean playing our instruments. And the next shot with us up to our necks in water, still playing. And one of Ringo, lying on his stomach on the beach swimming in the sand.'"

PAUL DIDN'T LIKE "TICKET"

Then Paul started to sing the Beatles next disc "Help" to us, taking the part of all the voices, and even the backing. He maintains it's much better than "Ticket To Ride".

"Can't say I liked 'Ticket' much," he stated. "But this new one is - in my opinion - good. I hope I don't sound big-headed. But I like it - it's certainly the fastest record we've made and it's very different. It's a bit like the middle eight in "It Won't Be Long" …

"I think that John and I are writing different sort of songs to what we were a couple of years back. I can't say whether they're better or worse but they're certainly different. And that is O.K. by us because we wouldn't want to stand still, to stagnate musically."

Somehow I can't imagine the Beatles ever doing that...

[whowritessometimes]

Coasting - Art Donaldson x Reader

BMX, a small beach town, a crappy waitressing job, & your last summer at home.

aka a cute little slowburn bmx art donaldson & reader fic. coming of age movie vibes. enjoy!!

word count: 5.2k

---

The clinking of glasses and plates and knives, the sound of the ocean, the drone of idle conversation, some obscure reggae playlist. Those were the sounds that you heard, day in and day out, soft in the background while you bussed tables and chatted with your best friend, Tashi Duncan. The sun was just about to set as you glided around High Tide, the hole-in-the-wall beach café you had waitressed at every summer since you could work. Right now, it was that weird lull in the late afternoon just before dinner.

Walking back behind the counter, you caught a glimpse of the camcorder in your bag you kept tucked away for when you got a spare moment. Tashi had been asking you all week to film another one of her BMX sessions. She was planning on posting it—she always had something she wanted to showcase, whether it was a new trick, a new outfit, or just a good shot of her flying through the air. And you loved it. Capturing the way the light hit the steel of her bike as she soared, or the thrill on her face when she pulled off a trick, was second nature to you. Photography and videography were more than a hobby; they were a way for you to capture what felt like fleeting moments. Every shot you took seemed to tell a story, one you could hold onto for just a little longer.

Tashi nudged you from behind, her eyes glinting with excitement as she stepped up to the counter. "So, I was thinking," she began, not even giving you a chance to greet her before she jumped into her idea. "Maybe we could shoot something tomorrow?"

You smiled, folding some cutlery into a napkin. “You're telling me I should use my precious weekend to watch you flip around on a bike for hours?”

“I'll buy you that weird coconut ice cream you like!”

You didn't really need the incentive, this had been your routine pretty much every summer: work, gossip, shoot Tashi and whoever else of your friends happened to be at the park. You tried not to dwell on the fact that it was your last summer at home, that this wouldn't ever be routine again.

"It's not that weird. And yeah, sounds fun."

"I'll pick you up at 1!"

Just as you were about to respond, the café door swung open, the bell above it jingling. The dinner crowd was starting to filter in—locals, some tourists—and the BMX guys you hung around during the summer. Despite you only really knowing how to ride a bike for transportation reasons, this was the group you inadvertently fell into. And they seemed to like you, or at least your camera. Or Tashi. Or High Tide. They all waltzed in, laughing about something, clapping each other on their shoulders, a cloud of sand and summer air (and probably weed) following them inside.

Art Donaldson, the lanky BMX prodigy of the town, and your crush since he sat next to you in your math class sophomore year, was always one of the last ones to join the group. His presence was unmistakable, but it was his quiet nature that made him stick out even more. He didn't rush into the room with the same energy as his best friend Patrick Zweig or the others; he just slipped in like a shadow, calm and observant.

Patrick, being Patrick, immediately spotted you. He raised a hand and waved, his grin wide and mischievous. “Hey, look who’s still working,” he said, his voice cutting through the hum of the café.

You laughed, moving towards the front of the counter to take their order. Patrick continued to talk, rambling about something inconsequential, but you caught a brief flicker of a glance from Art when your eyes met his.

You quickly turned your attention back to Patrick. “What can I get for you guys?” you asked, trying to ignore the way your pulse quickened.

Tashi, who had quietly watched the interaction from behind the counter, leaned in slightly as she adjusted the straps of her helmet. “You’ve been staring at him all summer,” she whispered, her voice a mix of teasing and curiosity.

“Stop,” you said quickly, though the heat in your cheeks betrayed you. “I’m not—he’s just… you know. Art.”

Tashi raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. Art, who you're in love with.” She said the word love in a sing-song voice, and you had to fight to suppress your smile and roll your eyes.

“Okay. I have to go put this order in. And I'm not in love with him.”

Tashi grinned knowingly. “Mhm. You’re just avoiding it.”

Before you could argue further, you moved toward the kitchen to get their drinks ready, and you couldn’t help but notice Art again. He stood with his back to the counter, his hands tucked into the pockets of his hoodie, looking out at the fading light through the large windows that lined the café, absently listening to the mindless conversation of his friends. As if he could sense you staring, he turned around, grinning sheepishly and running a hand through his hair when you made eye contact. You sent back a flushed smile and a small wave before pivoting on your heel and promptly hiding in the kitchen.

“Chill, you’re fine,” you muttered under your breath, grabbing a tray of drinks to deliver to the table.

When you returned to the counter, Art and the guys were settling into their usual booth by the window, the sun casting a golden glow on everything outside. Art had his back to you, but you could feel his presence, even from across the room.

Tashi, ever the observant one, nudged you with her elbow, making you jump. “So, how was that look I just saw? You freaking out now?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said quickly, focusing on the drinks you were preparing, trying to ignore her smirk.

“You looked like you were about to burst into flames.” Tashi’s voice was soft, but you could hear the humor behind it.

You rolled your eyes again but couldn’t stop the small smile tugging at your lips. Tashi had been in your corner about Art from the start. She was the one who encouraged you to ask him for photos back when you first picked up a camera and realized how much you enjoyed capturing moments. Ever since then, Art had been the subject of most of your best shots. And the subject of some of your best memories, too. You rarely hung out with him one-on-one, but whenever you were in a group setting, he had this way of making you feel included. And a way of making you feel like you and him were the only two people there.

“Okay,” Tashi pressed, leaning a little closer. “So, are we pretending that Art’s not going to ask you out or are we just gonna let you guys keep doing the whole will-they-won't-they thing?”

You shot her a look. “I’m not doing this right now.”

She raised her hands in mock surrender, but you could see the teasing glint still in her eyes. “Fine, fine, I’ll let you have your mystery.”

You glanced back toward the booth where Art and the crew were talking, trying to focus on anything else. Art had settled into his usual relaxed posture—arms stretched out along the back of the booth, a faint smile on his lips as Patrick animatedly told another story. He was always so laid-back, but there was a certain warmth about him that you couldn’t ignore. And it wasn’t just his presence—it was the way he was with his friends, how he listened when they talked, how he had a way of making even the smallest moment feel special.

Your phone buzzed, breaking your trance. You glanced at the screen—Tashi texting you details for tomorrow's shoot followed by about a million incoherent and entirely unrelated emojis.

You chuckled to yourself, making a mental note to set the alarm early and get the camera ready. As you were typing out a response, you heard a soft voice from behind you.

“Hey, you busy?” Art’s voice was low, and even though you hadn’t expected him to approach, it didn’t startle you.

You turned to find him standing just behind the counter, the light from the window casting a warm glow around his silhouette. His presence was effortlessly calm, like he was just... there. Not demanding anything from you, but still managing to make your heart beat a little faster.

“Not too busy,” you replied, looking up at him. “Just the usual.”

He nodded, his lips quirking into a small, easy smile. “I meant to ask earlier,” he said, his hands in his pockets as he leaned a little closer to the counter, “You free tomorrow afternoon?”

Your heart skipped a beat, and you quickly recovered by glancing at Tashi, who was pretending to be busy but clearly trying not to watch the conversation unfold.

“I’m filming for Tashi tomorrow, actually,” you replied, trying to sound casual, but there was that flutter in your chest again. "Why?"

Art raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to go get something to eat. But, uh, I'm going to that place on the pier with the onion rings later if you want to come."

There it was. The simplest, calmest invitation that could have easily been overlooked by anyone else. But for you, it felt like the universe had just delivered exactly what you wanted without any fanfare. He wasn’t overthinking it, wasn’t being mysterious. He was just... asking.

“Yeah, I could do that,” you said, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. “You remember the onion rings?”

Art’s smile widened ever so slightly, and you could swear there was a spark of something—maybe relief, maybe happiness—flickering in his eyes. He didn't answer your question. Instead, he said, “I’ll meet you around six?”

“Six sounds good,” you said, nodding back. He gave you one last smile before turning back to the table.

You had always had some constants in your life. You had photography, you had High Tide, you had Tashi, and you had onion rings. Your favorite place on the pier, one of those old Airstream trailers that had been converted into a restaurant. You were caught off-guard when Art mentioned it. You'd gone with him a few times, and he had listened to your rants about the onion rings. But it wasn't usually just the two of you. But he remembered. Your head was kind of spinning.

Tashi nudged out of your trance, this time with a full-on grin. “See? I told you it was only a matter of time.”

You rolled your eyes, but the smile that spread across your face betrayed you. “Yeah, yeah," you said, trying (and failing) to sound unaffected.

---

The pier was quiet when you and Art finally made your way there, the ocean stretching endlessly in front of you, the sound of the waves crashing softly against the shore. The sky had faded into a deep indigo, stars just beginning to twinkle above. The scent of salt and fried food mixed in the air as you approached the little Airstream that had been serving the best comfort food on the coast for as long as you could remember.

It felt different tonight, though. More peaceful. More... effortless. Just the two of you, walking side by side with no real rush.

You stood in line while Art ordered, the woman behind the window grinning knowingly as she handed him the takeout bag. “Got a feeling you’d be back for more,” she joked, but Art just shrugged in his usual, easy way.

“Couldn’t help it,” he said with a quiet smile, turning to you. “You were right about these. It’s hard to stay away.”

You gave him a small grin, feeling the pull of his attention in a way you hadn’t before. He wasn’t rushing to fill the silence, just existing in it. It wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t forced. It was... easy.

You walked over to a bench by the edge of the pier and sat down, both of you leaning back as you opened the bag and pulled out your share of the food. The breeze from the ocean was cool against your skin, the faint hum of the waves blending with the distant chatter of people further down the pier.

“So,” you said after a few moments of comfortable silence, breaking into the food, “how’ve you been?”

Art glanced sideways at you, his gaze thoughtful. “Busy. Same old. You?”

“Same here. Just, you know, work. With Tashi and all.” You paused, then added, “Trying not to get too much sand in the camera.”

He smiled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and for a moment, you both just shared a quiet laugh. It wasn’t an elaborate joke, but it was real. Like this moment, with him, was real.

You took another bite and leaned back into the bench, stretching your legs out in front of you, your feet tucked into your sneakers. The sun had set a while ago, but the horizon was still glowing faintly, like the world had been painted in colors you could never quite capture. The stars were scattered above like a thousand tiny little secrets.

Art was quiet for a while, his gaze out on the ocean as he ate, but you weren’t uncomfortable. It felt like the kind of silence you could just sink into, where you didn’t need to fill every moment with words, because you both understood that sometimes, not speaking was the most honest thing you could do.

“I didn’t think you’d ask me out here,” you said suddenly, the words just slipping out. It was a little vulnerable, a little self-conscious, but you couldn’t take it back now.

Art glanced over at you, his lips curving into that smile of his. “Why not?”

You shrugged, feeling the heat rise to your face. “I don’t know. You’re always... with your friends. I just thought you’d be busy.”

He paused, chewing for a second before he answered, his tone more serious than you expected. “I don’t like being busy just to be busy.”

There was something in the way he said it, a depth behind his words that made you look at him a little differently. You couldn’t quite place it, but something about the way he approached life—so calm, so deliberate, but still present—was unlike anyone else you’d ever known.

“I get that,” you said, nodding, your voice quieter now. “It’s good to slow down sometimes.”

Art met your eyes, and for a second, you both just held the moment, neither of you needing to say anything more. It was a connection. And it was simple, but it was there. And for once, neither of you was trying to rush through it.

“Did you always know you’d be here this summer?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence again.

You tilted your head, considering it. “I don’t think I ever really thought about it, to be honest. It’s just... always been this way, you know?”

He nodded slowly, his gaze drifting out to the water. “Yeah, I get it."

For a moment, you both looked out at the ocean, the rhythm of the waves syncing with the calm in the air around you. It felt easy, almost like this was what you were supposed to be doing all along. Not rushing anywhere, just sharing space, sharing time.

“Maybe we should do this more often,” you said lightly, breaking the quiet.

Art gave you a half-smile, his eyes soft but content. “I think I’d like that.”

You were about to say something else when he spoke again, his tone almost shy. “You know, I’m glad you said yes. I wasn’t sure if...”

You raised an eyebrow. “If I’d show up?”

He nodded, his expression a mix of self-deprecating humor and honesty. “Yeah. Figured you had better things to do than hang out with me.”

You could feel the weight of his words, the quiet vulnerability behind them. You didn’t know exactly what was going on in his head, but you could tell he didn’t often put himself out there like this.

You smiled softly, nudging him with your elbow. “You don’t have to worry about that. I like spending time with you.”

The words hung in the air between you two for a long beat. Then Art’s gaze softened, and he gave you a small but genuine smile, the kind that made you feel like everything had just fallen into place in a way it hadn’t before.

The conversation drifted back into the easy flow of a summer night, small talk about random things, your voices low and comfortable, as the sounds of the ocean and the soft rustling of the wind filled the space around you. The food was forgotten for a moment, but neither of you minded.

And just like that, the evening felt like its own quiet, perfect thing. Unspoken, but understood.

---

The park was quieter than usual for a Saturday, the afternoon crowd still drifting in, some starting their warm-up routines, others talking or laughing with friends.

You watched Tashi land a clean trick and, almost instinctively, your fingers adjusted the camera settings. It was easy to focus on her—her energy contagious, her confidence enough to keep you grounded as you clicked away. BMX was her thing, and capturing her in motion was like catching fire in a bottle. But today, there was something different in the air, something just outside of your control.

You could feel it in the way the park seemed to have shifted, in the way Art stood off to the side, half-listening to his friends, half-distracted. His presence was subtle, but it always demanded attention, like the way the ocean would silently pull you in, its waves irresistible.

The moment you caught his eye across the park, you knew it wasn’t just the camera’s lens that had you transfixed. You could feel the weight of his gaze from where you stood, like a soft pressure against your chest. The smile he gave you was small, but it lingered longer than it should have, a quiet acknowledgment of something unspoken.

But you didn’t acknowledge it—not right away. Instead, you turned back to Tashi, adjusting the angle of the camera, trying to stay in the moment.

“Everything okay?” Tashi called out, leaning against the metal frame of her bike, pulling her helmet off. Her voice was playful, but there was a note of curiosity beneath it, like she could feel the shift in the air too.

“Yeah,” you muttered, forcing your focus back on her. “Just... taking a shot.”

She raised an eyebrow, but before she could tease you, she was back in motion. You clicked the shutter again, the camera capturing her effortless flow, but your mind was elsewhere. Or more precisely, on him.

You knew Tashi could sense it, too. She knew you better than anyone, after all. There was a tension in the air now, thick and palpable, something that neither of you could ignore. Everyone could see it—the way you and Art kept glancing at each other when you thought no one was watching, the way conversations seemed to stretch between you two, lingering with things unsaid. But neither of you was willing to break that unspoken boundary. Not yet.

It wasn’t like there was a clear moment that everything shifted. It was more like the tide slowly pulling at the shore, little by little, until you were both standing in a place where you couldn’t deny it anymore.

You were snapping a few more shots of Tashi when you felt that familiar presence. The subtle shift in the atmosphere. It was Art, crossing the park toward you with that lazy, effortless stride, like he didn’t have a care in the world. Except you both knew better. There was a quiet intensity that always followed him, an unspoken thing between you that neither of you seemed eager to disrupt.

But you both knew what was there. You knew the way he looked at you when he thought no one was watching, the way your pulse quickened when your eyes met his across the crowd. Neither of you was saying it out loud, but it was there—slowly building, like the tide rolling in, too soft to resist.

Tashi glided back over, cutting through the silence with her usual exuberance. “Okay, okay, now I want you to take a picture of me and Art together!” she said, flashing a grin at you.

The moment shattered, and you tried to hide your smile behind the camera. But you felt it—Art’s glance, lingering just a fraction of a second longer than normal, like he was holding onto something he didn’t quite know how to say.

Tashi noticed, of course. She was always the first one to notice when something shifted. “You know,” she murmured, nudging you, “I’m starting to think you two are the only ones who don’t see what’s going on.”

You rolled your eyes, though the warm flush on your cheeks gave you away. “Please,” you muttered. “We’re just friends.”

Tashi didn’t even try to hide the grin as she took her place in front of you. “Mmhmm. Just friends.”

Art, standing just off to the side, offered a quiet chuckle. But there was a softness in his gaze when it found yours. No teasing. Just that same quiet, undeniable connection.

The shoot went on, the shots flowing one after the other. But all you could focus on was the way Art’s presence never quite left your periphery, the way every glance, every quiet word, seemed to say so much more than you both wanted to admit.

---

The night ended like most of your Saturdays: a kickback on the beach, surrounded by the familiar buzz of friends, tourists, and transplants. Red solo cups were scattered around like confetti—some with liquor, others with cheap beer, a few spiked lemonades. Somewhere in the mix, a joint was being passed around, its faint smoke drifting lazily into the night air.

You were curled up against Tashi, your head resting on her shoulder, the two of you passing a bottle of hard seltzer back and forth. The conversations around you faded into a pleasant hum, the guys off in the distance trying to start a bonfire that seemed doomed from the start, their loud banter drifting over the sand. The air was warm, the waves crashed softly in the distance and everything felt easy.

The sun had long dipped below the horizon, and now the only light came from the flickering remnants of the sunset and the scattered bonfire embers. You and Tashi drifted into one of those easy, low-stakes conversations, the kind where you talked about nothing and everything at once.

But then, as always, you found your eyes wandering. You scanned the beach for Art. It wasn’t conscious, it just happened—your gaze always seemed to gravitate toward him.

Tashi’s lips twitched into a knowing smile, and without missing a beat, she gently nudged her shoulder against your head, nudging you out of your quiet reverie.

"You should go sit with him," she said, her voice soft but insistent. It wasn’t teasing like it normally would’ve been—it was more like an invitation. A little nudge toward something she could see that you hadn’t quite admitted to yourself yet.

"I can't," you muttered, pulling the bottle of seltzer up to your lips, avoiding her eyes for just a second too long.

"Yes, you can," she replied, her voice so confident that you couldn’t help but meet her gaze.

You hesitated, caught between the pull of her words and the uncertainty creeping up from your chest. "What if—"

Tashi cut you off, lifting her chin and pointing toward Art, who was leaning against a nearby palm tree, looking out at the ocean, seemingly lost in thought but still aware of the group around him.

“Go,” she said simply, a knowing smirk tugging at the corners of her lips.

And in that moment, with the warmth of her encouragement surrounding you, you knew she was right. You could go. You should go.

With a sigh, you pushed yourself up from her shoulder, the sand shifting beneath you. The bottle of seltzer was still in your hand, but now it felt like an anchor you didn’t need anymore. The noise of the group around you faded as you started to move, your heart beating a little faster, a little louder, as you took that first step toward Art.

As you reached him, you stopped a little closer than you usually would, just within his reach, your eyes meeting his. He looked down at you, a flicker of surprise flashing through his gaze before he quickly masked it with that usual, easy smile of his.

"Hey," you said, the word feeling like it was the first one you’d said all night.

"Hey," Art answered back, his voice a little lower than usual, almost like he was aware of the space between you two in a way you hadn’t noticed before. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," you said with a small shrug. "Just wanted to say hi."

"Hi." His gaze was soft, and you could hear the smile in his voice.

You smiled back, the air between you two thick with all the things neither of you had said yet. The tension was palpable, and for a moment, neither of you knew how to cut through it.

Before you could say anything else, Patrick’s voice rang out across the beach.

"Night swim!!"

He was grinning wide, his energy infectious, as he waved his arms dramatically. This was a common occurrence, and you and Art rolled your eyes simultaneously. Like clockwork, Patrick demanded everyone jump into any nearby body of water at almost every party or kickback.

And the group erupted into motion—laughter, whoops, and the sound of sandals slapping against the sand as everyone ran toward the water, shouting and teasing each other about who would jump in first.

You and Art found each other's gaze again, and he reached for your hand, fingers brushing against yours in that familiar, electric way that sent a jolt through your body. Without waiting for you to process, he gently tugged you toward the water, the sound of the waves now loud and inviting in the distance.

You grinned in agreement, your heart pounding in your chest. You weren't a stranger to the Patrick Zweig Night Swim, but you usually made your way into the water with Tashi. This was all new to you (but very welcome).

The two of you kicked up sand in your wake, laughing and picking up your pace, hands grasping each other tightly except to remove various articles of clothing. You tried not to stare at his toned chest and arms, the tan on his skin, the faint freckles across his shoulders.

You tugged your hoodie over your head, leaving you in your bikini just as you felt your toes hit the water.

The ocean stretched out in front of you, dark and welcoming. You hesitated for just a second, the water a cool, inviting unknown.

Art grinned, glancing at you quickly. "You good?"

"I guess so." You laughed.

With that, you both stepped into the surf, the water crashing around your feet as you waded deeper, the chill of the ocean wrapping around your ankles and calves. The night was filled with the sounds of your friends behind you, all of them laughing and splashing, but it was you and Art that seemed to drift away from the chaos, wading out further into the deeper water together.

As the water rose higher, up to your thighs, you turned to face him, feeling the cool waves tug at you both.

“You sure this is a good idea?” you teased, eyes meeting his, your voice light but the tension still there, coiled between you two. The quiet hum of the waves seemed to settle around you.

Art’s smile faltered just slightly, like he didn’t know how to answer, or maybe he didn’t need to. His eyes flickered down to where the water had soaked your top, redness creeping up his neck.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice suddenly quieter, more serious. “'S a good idea.”

There was something in the way he said it, a soft edge to his words that made your heart beat a little faster and your head buzz, like you were drunk (but not from the seltzer).

You stepped a little closer, the saltwater lapping at your knees, the light from the beach just far enough to make everything feel like a dream—beautiful and fleeting.

For a second, everything between you two hung in the air. Then, as if on instinct, Art took a half step closer, his breath warm against your cheek as he brushed a damp strand of hair from your face.

"Can I kiss you?"

And despite the cold water, your face grew impossibly warmer as you nodded.

And then, almost without warning, Art leaned in, his lips finding yours in a kiss that was as slow as the waves but as powerful as the pull of the ocean itself.

For that instant, everything faded—the noise from the beach, the cold of the water, the summer air, and all you could focus on was the warmth of his lips, the gentle pressure of his hands on your body, the way he seemed to breathe life into you with each movement. It wasn’t rushed, wasn’t frantic. His hands couldn't seem to decide where they wanted to rest, slowly moving from your waist to the nape of your neck. You could feel his smile in the kiss, and he could feel yours. It was all teeth and noses and salt and sand and the occasional laugh and it was perfect.

The coolness of the water lapping at your skin was nothing compared to the heat running through you. Your heart raced, your breath short as you kissed him back, your hands finding their place on his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

When you pulled back just enough to breathe, you both stayed close, foreheads touching, your hands still tangled together in the water. Art’s face was flushed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he looked at you with that same soft, almost shy expression.

"I really like you," he muttered, the words just slipping out, and his flustered grin made you laugh, a little breathless.

"Yeah?" you teased, your fingers still tangled with his. "I really like you too."

Art glanced away briefly, the blush deepening, but he didn’t let go of your hand.

For a moment, neither of you said anything more. Just standing there in the quiet of the night, with the water around you and the stars above. Yeah, it was your last summer here, but everything with Art made you realize how things weren't really ending at all.

[marimayscarlett]

Richard seems to love water. Lots of pictures of him by the sea or taking his kids to the sea, on a boat. He even mentioned moving to Cape Town for his golden years. Wouldn't be surprised if he had a beach or a lake house.

Paul as well, hardcore city boy like Richard, but has a deep love for Hiddensee.

Ollie also seems to spend his off time surrounded by palm trees.

And we all know Till's love for water, fishing, swimming and nature in general.

Hi 👋🏻

The love for water in this band is quite clear 💙

Richard's plans for Capetown were mentioned by him in this interview back in 2018 - he really seems to enjoy this location:

"I would most like to live in Cape Town. You have the mountains on one side and two oceans on the other. The people are open and friendly and there is a very beautiful light that is good for my mind."

And overall he apparently enjoys being near the water via boat or at the beach or generally by the sea. Like this tour in Oostende or back in 1998 at Venice Beach for 'official' pictures:

as well as for vacation, with his kids, with fans (in Mexico back in 2022) - there are a lot of beach/sea pictures of him, so i'll limit it to a few:

He even got married at a beach:

Till also has quite a deep connection to water, be it for fishing (like with his daughter last year), exploring (with Joey Kelly for their 'Yukon' book) or with Dr. Simi (for I guess some relaxation in Mexico):

Ollie spent some time in Capetown himself earlier this year and picked up a new surf board:

And Paul's love Hiddensee is quietly deep rooted since most likely his Feeling B-days, since this island was like a little place of freedom for the GDR punk rock scene, plus his band colleague from Feeling B, Aljoscha Rompe, is buried there. I'm not 100% sure, but I always assumed that this footage was filmed there:

And from what I've seen, Schneider also likes to spend time at lakes ☕...👀

Now I only need some Flake footage to add to the mix...

It's quite interesting that many members of a band so surrounded by fire are so drawn to water. In this interview, Richard talked about the balance between water and fire (topic was peculiar enough the water damage in his house he had in 2017):

"[...] so that everything should be in balance—if you have fire on one side, you must have water on the other side to somehow restore the equilibrium."

(thank you @dandysnob for the clip 🤍)

So in that sense, 'Mein Land' had a really fitting theme, not just lyric-wise 😊🌊

[soopibean]

SEVENTEEN VS DISPATCH

This is how Seventeen would react to seeing a dispatch reporter following them.

Disclaimer!! As we all know, dispatch is a questionable entity and obviously the members of seventeen wouldn't react in this way. HOWEVER this is just meant for fun so don't take it too seriously.

Warnings: Mentions of cultish activities, Jeonghan is a scary man, reporter may like coups a little too much. Kidnapping?

Scoups

He angrily rants at the reporter, aggressively telling them what he'll do if he sees them here or around his members again. (Papa coups)

The reporter is left feeling a mixture of fear and arousal. Doesn't return either way.

Jeonghan

They're not watching him, he's watching them.

After a few days of following him they begin to realise he's visiting places they frequent. Restaurants they eat at, even the school they went to... But the most terrifying is when they realise at the end of the day, Jeonghan drove right to their house.

The reporter bursts through his front door to find Jeonghan eating a meal with his own wife and kids, a sinister smile played on his lips.

The reporter quits his job the next day and leaves the country.

Joshua

Simply gives them a gracious smile as he approaches them, offers a firm handshake as he begins his indoctrination. He doesn't see 'dispatch', he sees lost souls perfect for his cause.

The reporters are easy to convince.

Jun

Hasn't noticed. Assumed they were the trash collectors so he personally hands them his bin bags when he sees them. This was a good opportunity for them to snoop, though after opening them, all they find are bags full of scrunched up paper. It's all completely blank.

The reporters are left confused and empty handed.

Hoshi

'Horanghaes' in their direction whenever he see them, asks them to do it back. If they don't he becomes very upset.

The reporters now do it on impulse in most situations... They've become the laughing stock of the office.

Wonwoo

Notices them immediately. Convinced it's the government. Goes into hiding and starts wearing a tinfoil hat.

The reporters receive a bonus for capturing a photo of Wonwoo in said hat.

Woozi

They wait outside his studio for weeks. The blinds are always pulled, the lights are always on but no sign of life is seen. They finally leave but as they do, they miss the chance to see the wild Woozi emerging from the building, hissing at the sun and passing out from dehydration.

The reporters wasted everybody's time and are swiftly demoted.

DK

Greets them like old friends, asks about their families, brings them coffee on occasion. Even if they did find something they could report, they could never bring themselves to betray him.

The reporters become his personal protectors.

Mingyu

Immediately thinks they've caught him in a dating scandal. They follow him as he leaves the dorm late at night dressed perfectly in an expensive suit. He arrives at the restaurant, greeting somebody with a hug... It's Jungkook.

The reporters get sued by HYBE.

The8

Starts filming and taking pictures of them out of spite. Glares in disapproval at any given opportunity.

The reporters end every day feeling judged and self conscious.

Seungkwan

DRAMA QUEEN. Acts annoyed but is actually flattered. Begins to create his own fake scandals.

'O-oh I didn't see you there, I was just talking on the phone to my- oh I shouldn't have said that'

Struts off giggling, looking back every few seconds in hopes they'll follow.

The reporters decide to leave him to it.

Vernon

Does. Not. Care. Completely devoid of emotion when it comes to them. Simply stares blankly and unblinking in their direction.

The reporters are left feeling insignificant. They do little tricks to try to impress him. It doesn't work.

Dino

After watching him get left behind by the entire group on a beach trip they were having, the reporter offers him a ride home out of pity. Dino doesn't question the man and happily accepts, just grateful to have some company on his birthday. After hearing this the reporter couldn't bring himself to turn in any of the information he had gotten.

The reporter goes home and hugs his son.

However, if Dino had waited a few more minutes, he would have seen Seventeen returning with a birthday cake adorned with candles. Though upon seeing their youngest member missing and witnesses claiming he left in a suspicious vehicle, they are now convinced he had been kidnapped.

Thus chaos ensues... But that's a story for another time ;)

[eleni-cherie]

a thief's origin✨ || bts • kth - epilogue

"you're afraid I won't wait."

"I'm afraid you will."

a criminal and a doctor should be as different as the sun and the moon - but unexpected things happened every day. like him finding his safe haven in her.

© 2024 | eleni_cherie

»»»

masterlist: here

— genre: thief au, gangster comedy, adventure, romcom, humour, angst, fluff, sexual tensiON, slowburn, mutual pining, strangers to friends to lovers s2f2l

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE. CHARACTERS NOT NECESSARILY LIKE THE REAL PERSONS. ALSO VERY UNREALISTIC PLOT LOL - JUST PRETEND READING A MANGA/COMIC OR WATCHING A FILM, REALLY.

SUGGESTIVE THEMES. MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE & BLOOD (BUT NOTHING TOO GRAPHIC, IT'S STILL A COMEDY!)

»»»

age 30 // attending physician

6th June

Havana, Cuba

The day Taehyung walked away, Cassandra didn't only lose the only man she'd ever loved but also her best friend.

A lifetime without him seemed empty and pointless and she was still mad at him for putting her through this misery.

However, she couldn't hate him, even if she wanted to. He hadn't done anything wrong after all, neither one of them had. What he'd done, he'd done out of love, to keep her far away from the danger lurking around every corner he took.

No. She'd never be able hating him because in the end, he'd never broken her heart. He had just stolen and run away with it.

And it still hurt.

The first first days, weeks, months after the break-up were characterised by denial. She was used to extended periods between seeing him again after all. Even the fact texts and calls had stopped, couldn't change that. Only when postcards had stopped coming as well, it'd finally downed to her.

Of course, in reality she'd already known it long before that, from the very first moment he'd left. She could see it in his eyes. He'd meant it back then, every single word. He wouldn't come back.

And yet, denial kept her from accepting it earlier. Kept her from even admitting or acknowledging it. Denial had her bargaining, believing that, even if he'd meant it, he'd surely change his mind eventually. That he'd certainly regret it. Denial gave her false hope.

When months passed without any new postcard, however, that was when she'd finally let herself admit defeat. When the denial couldn't hold up anymore. When the bargaining ended up in vain.

And instead, a phase of upsetness and depression, in constant pendulation, entered. A permanent restlessness accompanying her from that day on, knowing she'd never be able finding what they'd shared with someone else.

Until she'd finally accepted it and got accustomed to never seeing him again.

The tiny hope she'd once held, long stored back in a box and buried by then. Only the necklaces remained as a remnant of the past, not ready to give them away. One day maybe, but not yet.

However, just because she had managed accepting it, it didn't mean everything was back to normal for her.

Passing by their old places, she couldn't help but always see the ghost of them together there, everything turning dull. Unable to pass by Casa Batlló anymore without aching at the memory of their sunsets, the beach without remembering New Year's Eve, without seeing the 'magic fountain' and remembering his birthday present or the art museum above it where he'd clumsily confessed to her later.

Not even being able staying too long in her own apartment, constantly getting reminded of their first kiss or the countless nights they had spent there laughing, crying, fooling around and loving each other.

Her once dream city had turned blue and gray.

She simply couldn't bear staying in Barcelona anymore after completing her medical training last year, deciding to realise her once silly idea of revisiting the place of her childhood memories for her specialisation training instead.

A place with no attachment to him. Far away from everything and everyone.

She was essentially running away - or at least tried to. Although she knew she'd never be able to fully run away from it all, carrying him with her anywhere she went.

Perhaps there was also an underlying irony in the fact she'd chosen emergency medicine as her specialisation out of all medical fields. Perhaps it was evidence for the residual hold the artful marksman with the cheeky grin and the warm eyes still had on her and probably always would.

Over a year had already passed by now ever since Taehyung had left and interpol showing up hours later, questioning her about the boatyard. Over a year and she still caught herself falling into her memories every once in a while. Still couldn't stop becoming sorrowful whenever she did and plunging into work or her films for distraction.

She felt like a fool, considering a year should've been enough time to get over someone, something she'd used to do in a day or two.

At least she had stopped looking for him in other men a long time ago. Unintentionally comparing anyone she'd crossed paths with him at first, a fatuous and unhealthy habit which thankfully had subdued by now. Not that she even wanted or tried to find anyone to replace him. It'd be impossible, but also the mere thought of any men made her shudder.

No, she didn't even feel like glancing at anyone, much less date anyone. Her busy work schedules and introverted personality were a true blessing after all, making avoiding them easier.

So there she was now in Havana, the capital of Cuba and place of one of her earliest childhood memories.

It was the beginning of summer, although high temperatures had been constant for weeks. But it was nothing she couldn't handle and otherwise she enjoyed her life there so far. She wouldn't have the right to complain anyway, Havana being her chosen getaway after all.

Cassandra opened the door to her apartment in the first floor, the coolness inside a much needed contrast to the warm afternoon outside. Her aparatment was a bit bigger than her old one, but still decorated in a similar fashion. She couldn't get rid of her beloved posters, plants or plushies after all.

Her backpack sliding from her arms to the floor with a thud as soon as she pressed the door shut behind her.

A five-hour-long seminar sounded more painful than it really was, but perhaps she'd simply got used to this, who knew. Numbness to certain things was one of the requirements for this kind of profession, which she had almost mastered by now - finally.

With a dragged sigh, she slipped out of her disgustingly warm sneakers, although she was accustomed to such temperatures, they still took a tall on her. First she poured herself a much needed glass of water. Gulping it down in one go before changing into more comfortable clothes and preparing something to eat.

When the food was ready, she settled in front of her tv to continue watching a crime comedy she'd started awhile ago.

Old habits died hard after all.

The second half of the episode was reached when Cassandra noticed her eyes growing heavy, the tiredness of the day and the food making her drowsy. Eventually fluttering shut, causing her to almost miss the anxious knocking on her front door.

First she dismissed it as a neighbour's hammering, but when she paused the episode to figure out which one it was, she realised the noise was coming from her door. And she tensed up, staring at it with wide eyes.

Wonder mixed with an odd feeling of déjà-vu crept up on her as she slowly went to answer it. Assuming it was just irritation causing her trembling hands as she grabbed the door handle, her knuckles turning white when pressing it down and opening the door.

It felt like a sick joke of the universe first. Then she feared her mind was only playing tricks on her, projecting a memory of him. But it couldn't be a memory. He looked different.

Not because of the beaten up posture and the torn clothes - she had seen him way worse. It wasn't even the shorter mop of waves, tousled and sticking out at some ends, or his broader frame.

No. It was the distress written all over his gentle features, a mild sunburn tainting them in a pinkish shade, that told her something had to be severely wrong for him to stand again in front of her door, more than one year later.

And her initial excitement sunk.

"Cas -" Taehyung tried catching his breath and propped a toned arm against the doorframe. It was evident that he had been running. "I know I have no right, but Jimin - he - he needs you."

At the mention of his friend's name and the way he choked it out, she sensed her initial fear being correct. Something was terribly wrong.

Any lingering feelings and unsolved regrets got swept aside in that moment. Her ego and tiredness long forgotten, instead instincts from years of medical training kicked in. And she immediatelly rushed to the bathroom.

Perplexed at her sudden move, he wanted to call after her when she returned seconds later with a familiar object in her hands. The blue medical kit. She held it firmly in one hand while slipping back into her sneakers with the help of the other.

"Take me to him."

Taehyung smiled softly, not even surprised by the determination in her voice. She hadn't changed at all, she was still the same.

He nodded then, wordlessly grasping her free hand in his and Cassandra let him pull her downstairs to his waiting car.

THE END

»»»

hope you enjoyed this prequel! it got longer than expected haha

if you wanna know how Tae x Cas's story continues, make sure to read the main story "among thieves" and the sequel "a thief's end" ;)

💜check out the whole "thieves collection" series or my main bts masterlist for other members' stories in this universe or in general💜

Don't forget to like, comment & leave feedback!♡ It motivates me to keep writing :)

taglist: @lilanyxta @naoolammao345 @memna234 @tetehion @myblacklilame

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

Pls More general sfw headcanons of cooper and reader? Ghoul or pre war whichever you prefer honestly.

General SFW Prewar!Cooper Howard Headcanons 2

(I'll do some Ghoul SFW in a follow-up; this got away from me a little.)

Clearly he enjoys film and theatre, but he has a fairly secret soft spot for musicals. Pretty much any musical will pique his interest, and you'll spend a fair few date nights out seeing shows. You find it very endearing that he wants to share his interests with you. He's got an especially soft spot for some of the older, cheesier musicals though; hope you're ready to see "Brigadoon" like a half dozen times! He's got that one on tape.

"Old Yeller" is banned media in the Howard household (as are most things about dogs who die), as well as books like "The Velveteen Rabbit", which he read to Janey when she was four and never truly recovered from. Coop cries like a baby every time and gets so embarrassed. You once asked Janey if she'd ever seen it, and she tells you, rather conspiratorially, that she once watched it at a friend's house.

The old man actually cries quite easily when he's moved by something. He'll try to hide it away, but every once in a while he fully loses it (tbh it's the 'child death' type stuff that really upsets him; to this day, he's still a little mad at Barb for showing him "Bridge to Terabithia" on family movie night and thinking he would like it). You think it's the sweetest thing and you always reassure him that it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I imagine that, like a good, engaged father, he takes a particular interest in Janey's likes and hobbies; if you ask him what she likes, he can give you an entire list of things you can engage with her on, every single one of them accurate and up-to-date. If Janey really likes a book series, he'll read it (or maybe listen to it if he's short on time). If she really likes a band, y'all have fun at the concert! Every group comes through LA so you may be going to several concerts a year eventually. He even knows who her favorite member is! He only falls in love with you more when you do the same with her.

He's a true romantic at heart; despite being really torn up about the divorce and thinking he'll never fall in love again, he does, and hard. It's not long before he (unbelievably, to him especially) finds himself wanting to propose. He waits a while, though, wanting to feel out the dynamic between you and Janey, worrying about how Barb will feel when she ultimately finds out. He doesn't want to be married to her anymore, but he still cares for her, and he doesn't want to hurt her.

I'd like to think that he and Barb had a pretty nice, large wedding (as I've said before, likely at an older age than many of their peers, even if, canonically, it seems they were already dating during Cooper's military service; they both strike me as the type to want to wait until they were better established to actually marry). Not anything too crazy, but since Cooper's career was really starting to take off, she did want to use the wedding as an opportunity to rub elbows, so there were quite a few people in attendance that he flat-out didn't know. It didn't bother him much at the time; Barb always loved an opportunity to network and Coop could never deny her anything. But, given a chance to do it over, I think he'd do things differently.

With you, he'd wanna go to the courthouse. He'd be happy to have a nice, private ceremony eventually, maybe a little vow renewal for your one-year down on the beach in Mexico or something. But when you get legally married it'll be at the courthouse, just the two of you and Janey. You wouldn't have it any other way.

You try your best to keep it under wraps, but, well...marriage licenses are a matter of public record, and there are people whose whole job is to unearth things like that. The fallout (ha) from it may be stronger than you anticipated, but, at the end of the day, you have one another, and you're happy with that.

[lola-theshowgrl]

I'm not great at these introduction posts, and this one feels extra strange because it's a bit late coming. Still, I've been remiss, and I felt like it was important to have this somewhere, so here we are!

Hullo!

I'm Lola, I live in the UK, and I'm a writer. I love books, films, music, art, food, and flowers, and if I could disappear into the woods to live like a little cottage witch or a hobbit, I would absolutely do that.

I enjoy simple things. I have my own garden for the first time in my life, and I'm slowly learning how to look after that, moving things about, pruning, and growing veggies from seed. The word of Monty Don is law, and I watch Gardener's World quite religiously.

I have a lot of houseplants, which I'm more knowledgeable about, but only because it was the closest I could get to a garden for many years. I was renting for a long time, so I moved practically every other year, and my houseplants have accumulated to become something like an indoor jungle.

I also like to cook - and to eat! I'm a home cook, I was taught largely by my grandma and by watching various cooking shows over the years. I love how food brings people together, how it varies culturally, and I have a talent for tasting a dish and being able to replicate flavours without a recipe, which is neat.

I do a bit of crafting, though not as much as I used to. I make candles, soap, wax melts and such. I also knit and sew, but only very basically, and I'd like to get better at both, but I never seem to make any time for it. I'm not a particularly organised person, except by necessity, and this often shows itself in such areas.

I love nature and being outside. I walk a lot, usually with my dog, Wilfred, and we visit rivers, forests, beaches, and the occasional marsh together at weekends. There's nothing like fresh air and a good walk to clear your head a bit, I think. That said, I don't like being cold much, and wet socks horrify me on a very primal level, and if it was up to me I wouldn't ever leave the house when it's raining.

I love the sun. You will never hear me complain about it being too hot, I guarantee it. I wait for summertime all year long, and it's fairly short here in England, so I spend as much of the season outside as I can, basking like a lizard.

I'm in my late thirties and coming up fast on middle-age, and I noticed my first grey hairs about a year ago - just a few bright, silvery strands at my temples and around my ears. I feel like I've mentally been a fifty year old since I was ten, so ageing doesn't concern me too much. Also I feel like I won some kind of battle by getting to this point? Sometimes I think about the lonely teenager I was, convinced I wouldn't see twenty-five, and wish I could find a way back to her to tell her she's going to be okay.

I'm short and fat, my nose is a little crooked, my eyes are blue, and my hands are oddly small. I dress like an elderly librarian, and I know I'm winning at the female-gaze when other women compliment my tweed skirts and flowery dresses. I have a vast collection of cardigans.

I'm autistic, I'm queer, and I'm partially deaf. I ought to wear a hearing aid, but honestly? I've heard enough.

Yes, I do think I'm funny.

I love art, classic or new, and I seem to have somehow assimilated a working knowledge of Impressionism. I blame my mother for this.

I once went to the Tate for a school trip and sat in front of a painting by Monet for two hours without moving, and got into trouble for not sticking with the group. I'm obsessed with the idea that Degas was Jack The Ripper, and I wish more people knew about Berthe Morisot.

Books. Stories. Fiction. My true love, and the very core of who I am. I read The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien when I was about eleven years old, and fell head over heels with the fantasy genre. Later that same year, I read Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, and little did I know, became heavily invested in slow-burn romance. Then, I read Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, and I knew I wanted to write, just as Jo March did.

I've been scribbling away ever since, trying always to improve, to find my voice and craft interesting stories. I've written a huge amount of fanfiction over the years, and even though much of it has been lost to time and various platforms, I learned a lot from those stories. I did publish two books about a decade ago, under a pen name and with a small press, but I had a pretty bad experience with it, and I stopped writing for a long while afterwards.

It was fanfiction that brought back my love for writing again, and I've been dabbling off and on with some original work for the past three years or so. People are weird about fanfiction, I find, but there's nothing like writing for the simple joy of it, with no expectations, to rekindle your love for the craft. It's only through the encouragement and kindness of the folk who were reading those works that I'm here today, trying again to write and publish my original stories.

Anyway, that's me in a nutshell! I probably waffled on a bit, but thank you for reading anyway!