#You know who it's about
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You look at him
Totally couchbound
Fast food bags and wrappers surround him and even can be found in his folds
BRRRMPPTTTTTTTT
He's of course helplessly gassy. You ensured it by putting him on that diet
His tubby face and chins are smeared in grease and sauce, majority being mayo
You made sure he craved the extra fatty stuff, stuff no sane human would ingest even on a dare
Lest they turn into a porker like him
His sweaty body looks as if it could give off steam it was so hot
You tuned the temperature of the "living room" to make sure he was always sweating
A bottle of sugary soda or an ice cold ice cream shake was always in reach to cool him down
Especially when he unceremoniously dumps it down his front because his fat sausage fingers were deprived of any dexterity long ago
He loves the feeling of the icy cold slop washing down his bloated areola
Those plumped nipples he was constantly groping and teasing any time he got even remotely close to turned on
After all even when he could get up he couldn't reach down there
A growing mound of pubic blubber and a steady dose of specially crafted "supplements" ensured that
And oh how he was turned on
Maybe it was the constant stream of humiliating smut you'd play over multiple TVs in his eyeline.
Maybe it was the fact any time he fruitlessly attempted to stand like he was still capable of being a functioning person the wobbling of his fatpad stimulated that useless little thing it'd swallowed
Maybe it was you constantly fucking his cavernous greasy navel like it was your own personal onahole
Or the friends you allowed to do the same
Maybe his mind was so hopelessly broken that the mere act of eating that greasy slop one could charitably call "food" made his pathetic cock twitch
Either way it gave him hands free orgasms that made him spurt hot gallon sized puddles of cum directly onto the carpet in front of where he sat
On that couch
His prison
His permanent home
You know he loves it
At least
You sure do
#fatten me#slob#Doesn't mention any specific names#But#You know who it's about#Still easy enough to substitute in any guy ya want tho#Even yourself#I won't judge#After all I imagined myself in his place a couple times while writing#Subtle hint you should fatten my sona til he's barely recognizable~
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tits so fine his nipples get flagged as female presenting
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oh no i just reread an old trashy fic in my drafts and it's actually pretty good and I'm thinking about publishing it and i should stop it's also multiple chapters and i should stop myself I'm gonna publish it aren't i
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work all night on a drink of rum
daylight come and me wan go home
stack banana til the morning come
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
a beautiful bunch of ripe banana
daylight come and me wan go home
hide the deadly black tarantula
daylight come and me wan go home
lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
dayo
dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
#someone suggested i turn off reblogs. to that i say. i’m not a fucking quitter#esp when i get to see my husband dancing in my notifs every time this gets a note#since this reached 30k notes i wanted to say that people in the notes saying you shouldn’t feel safe around horses are right#story time :) when i was very little i got kicked in the face by a horse.#obviously this is very dangerous and i could have been concussed but there was no bleeding or bruising or no teeth knocked out#so my family didn’t believe me and even tried to convince me that it never happened at all. accused me of lying about it#it was specifically my grandma (who i realized much later in life was extremely emotionally abusive) who insisted i was lying.#but i remember it clearly. i know that it happened. i know that it struck my front teeth and knocked me to the ground#and i have never felt safe around horses since <3 or my family actually#ahem. i always felt safe around my grandparents. ‘‘not anymore’’ said knife grandma#are you still reading this?#reality is an illusion the universe is a hologram#you just lost the game#speaking of loss#|#|/#||#|_
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Since you guys liked Marcille as Kermit that much, it seems fitting to thank you for my 12k milestone with MORE Kercille. And this time, Miss Falin is also here.
Thank you so much again everybody! MWAH 💗
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#marcille donato#falin touden#kermit the frog#did you know that pigs will sometimes eat rocks?#and since we are about trivia. This is my second time reaching over to 12k followers. You see#after the great purge I lost a bunch and went back to 11k for a loooong time#who would have thought a shitpost about frogs would get you back into my home#welcome back
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I'm always entertained by people doing those "canon VS fanon" memes where both are misunderstanding characters to such a violent degree 'cause like
#sp-rambles#“Canon is when they do not cry nor have emotions whatsoever and fanon is when they sob 24/7”#Like idk buddy I think it Depends#Edit: Since this is getting moderately popular#Yes this was made about Sans but also for TF2#You don't know the hell that is the TF2 fandom and how they treat these characters lol#Because how the hell do you misinterpret such simplistic characters who have like 2 or 3 personality traits each
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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i feel like people are skimming over the uk riots in a way that makes me want to tear my hair out. muslims in the uk are in active danger. immigrants in the uk are in active danger. refugees in the uk are in active danger. people of colour in the uk are in active danger. asian communities in the uk are in active danger. black communities in the uk are in active danger.
there are massive far right riots throughout the country right now and people like fucking elon musk and nigel farage are inciting it and still have a platform to speak. people have used three young girls deaths, people's genuine grief in southport, to try and gain traction for their own racist bullshit and it's working.
a lot of refugee charities have been forced to close leaving many people without support, homes, funding, food, etc. if you aren't able to donate please consider sending a message via the conversation over borders campaign! it will send a hopeful, welcoming letter to a refugee in the uk. there is also a guide to staying safe here.
please do your own research and donate to refugee charities, anti-islamophobia charities, mosques who are trying to rebuild after being destroyed, counter protesters, here are some i've heard positive things about but the list is extensive; southport strong together (support for the southport victims and their families), southport mosque rebuilding, riot repair fund, middlesbrough vulnerable residents, nasir mosque rebuilding, hull help for refugees, bristol welcomes migrants,
#i know there's so much going on but if you can take a second to support these groups !!#i just feel kinda sick#i wanted to add with so many people seeing this that i'm white im british and im extremely privileged to not be in active danger right now#i don't want to take away from people speaking out about this who are in a place of danger#this was really only meant to be for my followers#but i'm glad more people get to see what's happening and donate !!!
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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People against piracy fail to realize that no, I can’t just ‘buy it.’ They stopped making DVDs and Blu-Rays. They’re barely offering digital copies for download. I am not spending money I could use for food or bills to pay for a subscription service just so I can always have access to a beloved piece of media. Especially not when the service will remove media on a whim without concern for how the loss of access to that piece will make its artistic conservation nigh impossible.
For example, I recently learned that Disney+ had an original film called Crater. It’s scifi, family friendly, and seems cool - I would love to buy it as a holiday gift for my little brother! But: it’s exclusive to D+ and THEY REMOVED IT LITERALLY MONTHS AFTER ITS RELEASE.
The ONLY way I can directly access this film is through piracy. The ONLY available ‘copies’ of this film are hosted on piracy websites. Disney will NEVER release it in theaters, or as something to buy, and it may NEVER return to the streaming service. It will be LOST because we aren’t allowed to purchase it for personal viewing. If I can’t pay to own it, I won’t pay for the privilege of losing it when corporate decides to put it in a vault.
So yes, I’m going to pirate and support piracy.
Edit: if you are able, use $5 you would otherwise use for a streaming subscription to donate to a GazaFunds campaign.
#edit: go to https://gazafunds.org/ and donate $5 you would otherwise spend on streaming services on a campaign!#ra speaks#piracy#media piracy#pirate to make hondo ohnaka proud#obligatory ‘don’t fucking pirate small authors/artists works wtf dude’ statement.#anyone who’s seen my media bitching before knows I’m a hype man for indie films this ain’t about them#this is about corporate streaming services killing physical media bc sales numbers are less impressive than number of streams#edit: USAmericans stop telling me to buy DVDs and blurays at Walmart. think outside your borders for a hot sec. fun thought exercise.#your experiences are not universal#edit: WHO GOT THIS TO 100k. I JUST WANT TO TALK (this post is my second to hit 100k woahg.)#in other news: fix your fucking posture. drink some fucking water. and go the fuck to bed if it’s late bc it’s for me rn. peace and light.
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I wish we had more female characters like Eleanor Shellstrop. One of the most unlikable people you've ever met. Read a Buzzfeed article on most rude things you can do on a daily basis and decided to use that as a list of goals. Makes everyone's day worse just by being there. Dropped a margarita mix on the ground and tried to pick it up, only to get hit by a row of shopping carts which pushed her into the road where she was hit by a boner pill delivery truck, killing her instantly. Cannot keep a romantic partner despite being bisexual. Had a terrible childhood but will die before she gets therapy. Best employee at a scam company. Just the worst but also can't help but root for her to improve.
Absolute loser. Girl-failure. Bad at almost everything. Literally perfect female character.
#eleanor shellstrop#you know i was thinking about how we hold female characters to such high standards#and severely criticize bitchy female characters while praising asshole male characters#and then i remembered eleanor and realized that she is the perfect example of how to write an asshole woman that the audience likes#the worse she is the more i'm drawn to her (and honestly same for tahani)#we need more cringe-fail women who nobody likes (for good reason)#the good place#female characters#writing women#girl failure#girl loser#she's so mean#i love her#my favorite#fucking asshole#iconic#the good place eleanor#tgp#tgp eleanor#kristen bell
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David Tennant for Prime Minister, please.
edit- Since this is getting so much attention, edited to include descriptions of screenshots.
This woman has lost her fucking mind.
Jo, are you okay?
#Fuck your Rowling#Fuck terfs#David Tennant#Fuck Harry Potter#And everyone who watches Rowling’s new Harry Potter show#little whinging fuckers#gender taliban?#have you completely lost your mind JKR#maybe just stop being a little whinging fucker JKR#if he's smart he would never want this job because it's a horrible one but we'd be so much better off with a sane person in charge#But seriously Rowling are you okay?#does she look tired to you?#well I guess this has broken containment#He didn’t actually say you’re name JKR#he just called out transphobes and you assumed he was talking about you#which says you know exactly what you are and identify as a transphobe#says a lot#described
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when will we talk about the willful helplessness epidemic on here. So many people on this god forsaken website demand to have any and all things that exist outside their personal experiences directly, personally pre-chewed and spoonfed to them. And when you do, they'll then ask for you to swallow for them, too, because, you see, in THEIR experience..,
#this is about people who show up in the replies asking shit that has already been answered in the replies#this is about people who show up in reblogs asking people to explain very obvious things to them that'd take one second of listening to#others' experiences to be aware of#For the love of god if you're presented with information or turns of ohrase that conflict with your personal experience don't just sit down#Consider that perhaps things unlike you exist and that things that are one way for you may be different for others#This isn't difficult you just need to stop centering yourself as the only point of reference you have#you're not. There is so much more than you out there. And you can hold it and know it#you just need to get the FUCK OVER YOURSELF#fucking christ#mumblr#problemnyatic thoughts
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The greatest injustice ever faced is that I almost certainly started the still thriving "clown husbandry" tag on here, but any discussion about it (from a know your meme page to a youtube video with 500k views) says it's a joke of "unknown origin" or credited to this post, likely bouncing off of mine (which was actively circulating at the time with like 30k notes):
This is a tragedy for many reasons, most of all because it wasn't just an offhand joke but actually a direct response to some of the funniest online hate I ever got:
They're erasing the truest history of tumblr: its desperate need to seethe and argue over every obvious joke with more than 10 notes.
anyways here is the canonical pet clown. according to me
#but tumblr... i am pagliacci#clown husbandry#look strange aeons on youtube. i know you browse this tag.#I don't respect your 2011 tumblr core take on steven moffat#but I will forgive it when you right this wrong#EDIT: a few people think i'm saying i originated the concept of referring to a clown like an animal#i didn't. i mean i made this really specific joke about exotic animal husbandry and a lot of mutuals bounced off of it with similar jokes#and that's what people started tagging 'clown husbandry'#to this day when you look for the origins a lot of mutual's names (who also kept chickens/pigeons/reptiles/etc) pop up because of this
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