#You are convinced the people that loved you wont anymore because you are not the same person they loved and you dont blame them

[allzyfont]

this is not abt anyone on here to be clear. my beautiful mutuals you could never anger me. its someone Out Here im struggling with

please pray for me. this evening im feeling so angry and so vengeful and im trying not to be bitter; im trying not to hate

[luvrxbunny]

fame

pairing: ex-bf!Eddie Munson x f!reader

summary: Eddie makes a grave mistake.

warnings: 18+ MDNI, angst, insecurity, 'do i wanna know' (lmk if i forgot anything)

wc: 3.6k

a/n: a few things! Id suggest listening to the song before and/or after you read the fic! I wouldn’t suggest during because obviously it wont be on tempo. this can either be modern!Eddie or we can just pretend that “Do I Wanna Know” came out back in 1980. also idk anything abt instruments so shut up if i messed up anywhere— this is one of the worst ones ive written im sorry i just wanted to post

You and Eddie were happy. You guys got to see each other all the time since you became the lead singer of Corroded Coffin. The band supported you two going public endlessly due to the amazing on-stage chemistry you both brought to the shows. The more touchy, and lovey you guys were, the more people would come to the next show. But with this new, larger crowd came a new wave of women wanting to sleep with the hot lead guitarist, Eddie. 

You had no problem with it before. You know he wasn’t very popular in high school and it took you months to convince him that you honestly found him attractive, that you weren’t playing some practical joke, or just trying to bait him into embarrassing himself. So you were pretty happy to see all the attention he was getting, the attention he deserved. You could see his confidence rising, he would smile at the crowd more, play more impressive riffs and you’d get to watch his chest puff up in pride as the crowd uproars for him. 

But as he got more attention from the crowd, his attention was on you much less.

After shows, instead of hanging back with the rest of the band and relaxing backstage, he’d be out in front “entertaining the crowd” as he lovingly put it. It bothered you a bit because this is where you and Eddie got most of your quality time from but you would never take his little fanbase away from him so of course you never said anything. But there was this one week, gig after gig after gig. 

You got no love from Eddie on stage and assumed it was because he was too tired to put on such a show. He wasn't too tired for his guitar riffs, but you let it slide. It’s Eddie he’ll make it up to you backstage, or later than that if necessary. 

Then came time to head backstage, and Eddie didn't follow. You decided to let that slide too. He needs this interaction with his fans! He needs and craves that connection to people who are similar to him, maybe he’ll make some more friends around his age! You’d never want to do anything to stunt that. 

But three hours later, you Jeff, Gareth, and Doug aren’t in a forgiving mood anymore. You’d all joked about how once Eddie got a taste of fame he’d just leave you all behind but it’s starting to feel like less of a joke and more of a reality. 

You guys drink and complain, roll up, smoke, complain, and down a few more drinks before you all decide to take a stand. It’s a half-joke, that you’re all going to head out to the front and demand that Eddie come backstage to spend time with his band, with his girlfriend at least. The boys talk about inviting some girls backstage with them to make a party out of the whole ordeal but all those thoughts are gone and replaced with sober, solemn ones at the sight of what's happening at the front of the bar. 

Eddie’s sitting on a barstool, leaning back against the bar like he’s some god, he has his arms spread wide, resting on the bar and surrounded by women. Most of them are taking unpermitted selfies with him— not that he minds, but three women are draping themselves over him. One is at his side, sitting in a seat and resting her head on his bicep as she rambles to him and he’s listening.. intently. There’s another who’s on his other side, stroking and running her fingers through his hair, complimenting his curls, the ones you taught him to take care of. The third woman is standing between his spread legs, leaning over so that her cleavage is perfectly in his face under the guise of looking at and complimenting his necklaces. 

The smile on his face is one you’ve been missing, one you’ve been seeing less and less due to the stress of booking gigs but there it is… beaming for another girl.

Your heart stops when Eddie finally notices you guys standing on the other side of the room. You feel as though it’s about to jump out of your body and crash through the ground. Eddie pulls his arms in and pushes the girl between his legs away from him with a wide smile. “Oh. Hey, baby!” 

He’s getting up, explaining himself, and walking towards you all at once but you can’t even process what you’ve seen yet, let alone hear his bullshit explanation so you walk away. 

You turn and head backstage, already planning on packing your things and leaving. You’ll have to call an Uber because there is absolutely no way you’ll ride in the same van as him. You’re shoving your weed and rolling tray into your backpack when your head clears enough for you to listen to your surroundings again. 

You can hear Gareth and Doug scolding the girls, making them leave. You can also hear quick, sharp footsteps heading your way. Your breathing jumps and tears spring to your eyes, ones you quickly squeeze out and wipe away before Eddie comes through the door. 

You don’t look up at him, you just keep collecting your things and internally make a note to yourself not to leave your things scattered across an entire room. 

“Babe? Wait. Wait, wait you have to listen to me first.” You hold back a laugh and settle for a scoff at his statement. 

“I don't have to do anything, Ed.” His heart stops. You’ve only called him Ed once before; it was the biggest and only fight the two of you have ever had. His hands start trembling at their sides and his heart is beating roughly, rushing blood in his ears. He’s stunned to silence, watching you gather your things in a rush. 

You look around for your phone charger and spot it by the doorway, on a chair next to where Eddie is standing. He notices your gaze and quickly grabs the charger, holding it to his chest. “Listen.”

Your eyes slowly raise to meet his. He looks scared and desperate. You give him a chance. 

You put your bag down and lean against the back of the couch, staring at him and waiting for what you’re supposed to be listening to but he seems stumped. 

He didn’t have a plan or know what to say, he just needed you to stop. He tries to piece together a speech but his train of thought is disrupted by a disappointed sigh from you. “Look, Ed—”

He finally finds words. “Please don’t call me that.” His voice is strained, and you almost feel bad. 

“Why? It’s the title you deserve right now. You’re not my Eddie so I’m not going to address you like you are.” You start walking towards him, tears bubbling in your eyes despite the screaming in your head not to cry. 

“You sat there while those women laid themselves all over you, while the rest of your band, and your girlfriend sat backstage and waited for you. I’m your girlfriend. Do you realize how fucked up that is? You had me waiting and waiting for you, thinking you were just interacting with fans…” You think about how easily he fooled you. 

“I’m an idiot, huh?” You trail off, lost in your thoughts of despair. You’d always been so cautious of men, of giving your feelings, always keeping your guard up so you don’t get hurt, and the one time you decide to bring them down. 

“Okay! I’m fucked up for making you wait, I know that. I- I didn’t realize how long it’d been. I’ve been drinking a-and--” 

You cut him off. “Oh, you were drinking with them too! That’s great, Ed. Just the info I need.”

He sighs defeatedly. “I- It- But they don’t mean anything to me. They don’t! Why does it matter that I was drinking with them? It’s not like I was gonna do anything, baby. You know that.” He steps in your direction but you back away and wrap your arms around yourself. 

It breaks his fucking heart. 

“I don’t know that though, do I? Because never in a million years would I have ever thought that Eddie Munson, my boyfriend, would leave me waiting because he was entertaining other women. Do you understand? How- How nerve-wracking and shocking it was to see you out there like that?” 

You take another shaking breath as you avert your gaze from his, tears spilling from your eyes. “The worst part is that- that I believed you when you said you just wanted to interact with fans. I really— God I was even happy for you. I trusted you, Eddie. Co-Completely. You know how big that is for me and you manipulated it.”

He’s rushing towards you now, dropping your charger and taking your hands in his. “No. No, listen, I- I didn’t realize, I didn’t know it- Baby, I thought it wouldn't matter, I thought you wouldn’t care because I’m yours. We’re together so why does it matter? I- I won’t date them, I won’t fuck them, I don’t love them, baby. I love you.”

You sigh and look down at your feet, unable to watch as his eyes fill with tears. 

You wish he hadn’t said that. The first time you get to hear the words ‘I love you’ coming from his lips and it’s in a setting like this..

“Okay. I believe you, Ed, but… You broke my trust, you technically ch- cheated.” His eyes widen almost comically and as his mouth starts to shape the word ‘No’ you cut him off again. “You say you didn’t but just because you weren’t going to have sex with them doesn’t mean that you should let them all over you like that!” 

Your anger bubbles up again and you finish packing, grabbing your charger and throwing your bag over your shoulder. “You’re not that stupid, Ed. You know what you did was wrong otherwise you wouldn’t have pushed those girls off you when I showed up.” You turn to leave the room but you’re compelled to ask him one more question. 

“Did you how this makes me look? You’re supposed to be mine yet there are girls all over you. It looks like I can’t satisfy you, like I’m not enough. And you know I have shit with what. Or it looks like I’m a fucking idiot letting my boyfriend get felt up by fucking groupies while I’m in the back, none the fucking wiser.” 

His tears are spilling now, one currently streaming dramatically down his cheek. “But we- Like we don’t— You don’t have to leave me. We- I’ll be better. I love you, I don't love them I just.. I’ve never gotten attention like that.. I- I just wanted to know what it felt like.” 

You know he’s trying to get through to you, that he’s trying to explain away and excuse what he did but he’s just hurting you further. Why wasn’t my attention enough? 

“Yeah no, I figured that and um… Ed, I think we should take some time apart.” All you get from him is a badly veiled sob. 

“You can flirt around all you want and… and we’ll see if we still have anything between us by the end of it.”

It’s been a little over a month now. 

He called off band practice until further notice. 

You miss him. 

You took the first week apart to come to terms with what you had just done. It was a smart move. You’re not stable enough to let Eddie flirt around with your trust, especially since it had started behind your back. This way was better. You could take some time to yourself while Eddie does whatever he wants. You decided he could come back whenever he was ready, as long as he didn’t do anything with anyone. 

You meant what you said when you left him but you started regretting it after seeing the obvious dip in Eddie’s happiness. You’d see him in school with his head perpetually down. He doesn’t interact with you at all, he doesn't look at you on campus, he sits on the opposite side of the classroom for any class the two of you have together, and makes it a point to never turn in your direction. 

You truly wanted him to relish in the fame without any guilt on your part. You figured it’d hurt you but you wanted Eddie to be able to experience the popularity he never had before. He was supposed to take his newfound freedom and spread his wings however he wished but instead he just wallowed in what he had lost. 

You hoped he’d come to you in the third week, let you know he doesn’t want he freedom you’ve granted him and he’d beg for you back. But it never happened. You thought about going to him, letting him know that you can see him struggling and you forgive him and you guys can get back together like nothing happened. But your pride couldn’t let you. He hurt you and now he’s hurting, it's fair but you shouldn’t have to be the one to concede. 

After the fourth week, you realized your mistake. You should’ve known Eddie would never have the confidence to come back to you, to ask you for another chance, to ask you to forgive and forget his past crimes. You should’ve given him a set timeframe, you should’ve told him he was free to come back when he was ready. 

In the fifth week, Gareth called a meeting. He’d had enough of the missed practices and awkwardness amongst the band. You all responded to his email in agreement. Except Eddie. 

You thought about going over to his house before practice, just to see if he was planning on showing up, to see if he was okay. But you didn’t.

You were actually quite happy to catch up with the others. You joke about how badly all your skills have diminished without a month of practice. Doug jokes about how he mostly misses the DnD nights. As if on cue, Eddie walks in. 

He’s silent and his hair is a mess, obviously not taken care of and it breaks your heart. The room falls sadly silent as Eddie unpacks his guitar and takes a seat. You feel the tension in the room suffocating you and before you can think the action through you spit out a quiet. “Jesus, Eddie.”

The boys laugh beside you and you roll your eyes before making your way over to him. Eddie looks star-struck, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide as he stares up at you, admiring the olive branch you’re extending. 

You take in his bloodshot eyes— high, and his dark circles. Your heart clenches in your chest, recalling the various late-night calls with Eddie as he complains about his insomnia, and how he would wish you were there to soothe him.

You stand beside his chair, shake your head in teasing disapproval, and run your fingers through his roots. You sigh at the immediate tangle that meets you and lock eyes with him, a playful smirk on your lips. “Where’ve you been, Eddie?”

He sucks in a soft breath to answer before Jeff cuts him off with a loud clap. “Alright, positions everyone. What’re we practicing?” You smile at him one last time before heading for your mic. 

“We could start working on “Do I Wanna Know?” Doug suggests and Eddie immediately groans out. He is very open about his hate for the song, about how he thinks it's overplayed and has no substance. In reality, everyone knows he’s just frustrated with the chords. He always wants his hands busy and the chords to this song just aren’t stimulating enough for him, he thinks they’re “boring”.

“I don’t wanna hear it, Ed. This is what the people wanna hear.” Doug defends as he picks up his bass. You clear your throat and Gareth situates himself behind his drums. Eddie is the only one who doesn’t get in formation, staying seated across from you to your left, almost in your line of sight. You make an effort to keep your eyes forward as Gareth starts the beat, pretending you can’t feel Eddie’s eyes on you as he starts his riff. 

You do your best to keep it together as you notice how easily his hands glide across the guitar, you don’t even see him look down once. You rock in time with the drums before singing out the first line. 

It feels shaky and your voice is scratchy but you power through, the boys know you need some warm-up. Your voice evens out by the next pause and you’re starting to feel more confident. 

“Are there some aces up your sleeve?” 

You see Eddie nodding in approval in the corner and you try not to let pride bleed into your voice. 

“Have you no idea that you’re in deep?”

You look over at him to see him still watching you. 

“I dreamt about you nearly every night this week.” 

You note the recognition in his eyes before you break contact, looking back at the base of your mic stand. 

“How many secrets can you keep?”

You think about how the first time you heard this song it reminded you of Eddie. It almost perfectly encapsulated how you felt for him prior to dating, and it ironically relates to how you feel about him now. Still obsessed but too prideful to do anything about it. 

You can see Eddie still staring at you from his corner, unwavering. He always gets a little more confident with his guitar, but it’s been so long since you’ve been around him you feel stupid, like a little girl with a crush. 

Doug and Gareth come in as your backing vocals. 

“Do I wanna know?”

You take your eyes away from the mic stand and look straight ahead. 

“If this feeling flows both ways.”

You see Eddie sit up in his seat.

“Sad to see you go”

“Was sorta hopin’ that you’d stay.”

You start swaying with the beat, getting more loose, and feeling the song. You switch from foot to foot, swinging your hips gently with a smile. 

“That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day.”

You look over at him again. 

“Crawling back to you.”

You say the next line as a genuine question, openly targeting him now. 

“Ever thought of calling when, you’ve had a few?”

You glance away from him, nervous under his penetrating stare. He hasn’t looked away from you once. You’re wondering where all this confidence was in the past few weeks. All he needed was for you to speak to him. You study his face, his reaction to the next line. 

“Maybe I’m too, busy being yours to fall for somebody new. Now, I’ve thought it through. Crawlin’ back to you.”

Eddie’s hands finally rest and he leans forward in his chair, cocking one eyebrow at you as if to ask ‘Really?’ and you respond with the next line. 

“So have you got the guts?”

Eddie takes a deep breath before sitting back and adjusting his guitar strap. He runs his hands down his thighs, wiping his clammy palms on his sweatpants as he watches you perform. It’s been so long since he’s seen you, even longer since he’s seen you without it hurting his heart. He’s missed you. 

He takes you in. He notices the pink on your nails, a different shade than the last time he noticed. He can’t help but run his eyes down your body, loving the way you move to the beat, the way you’re shimmying your shoulders. His eyes focus on your lips. 

“Simmer down and pucker up”

He gets entranced with the way they form around your words. He misses feeling them on his, on him. He remembers how soft they are, how raw they get when you’ve bitten them bloody. He watches them stretch over your pearly white teeth in a smile. He can feel your eyes on him again but he can’t pull himself away from your mouth. Not even to look at his guitar as his time comes up. 

You watch Eddie pick his guitar up and start playing again, zombie-like movements as he zeros in on your lips. You try to focus on the words, to stay on key, not stutter or slip up. But Eddie's eyes snap to yours. 

“But we could be together… If you wanted to.”

He takes a deep breath after your last line, as if he was waiting to hear it, like it’s confirmation. You can’t help the smirk that your smile morphs into and Eddie looks down. It looks like he’s focusing on his chords but his eyes are closed, deep breaths filling his lungs as he tries to calm down. 

You’re sure that your performance is mediocre due to the lyrics and pitch being the last thing on your mind. You watch Eddie’s hand slide lazily across the guitar, his ringed fingers moving faster than you could comprehend without even a fraction of his attention. You ignore the pooling in your stomach and look away from him again, trying to focus on anything else. 

“Crawling back to you.” 

You pretend not to hear the smirk in Gareth's voice. You see Eddie looking up at you again in your peripherals. He sits back and adjusts himself, lifting his hips, lowering his guitar and when you glance over you can see a lip tucked under his teeth. 

“Maybe I’m too—”

You see Eddie leaning forward as he stares at you, begging for your attention so you turn to him. His eyes soften and you can see his chest heave ever so slightly. 

“-busy being yours to fall for somebody new. Now, I’ve thought it through. Crawlin’ back to you.”

You go through the motions for the rest of the song. You keep eye contact with Eddie through all of it. 

Everything around you is forgotten as he looks into your eyes. You’ve missed him so much.

thank you so much for reading!! please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all! also if you liked it please take a look at my masterlist or send me some motivation here!! reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated!

[crazylittlejester]

Thank you for the Warriors info 🙏 I will gladly listen to anything you wish to share, whether hc or not bc I literally know nothing about him I just know I love him lol

You have just unleashed a beast and a yapper, my apologies this might be a Lot (also my bad for spelling mistakes im dyslexic)

so this is Warriors to ME:

- I hc he came from a small village and that his native language isn’t Hyrulian Common (english), but instead portuguese. Proxi speaks for him in his game, and I hc the reason she does this is because War wasn’t really able to speak for himself since he was still learning the language and trying to get the Castletown (british) accent down so he could blend in better. A lot of pressure was put on him when he was marked hero (canon) and a war broke out because a sorceress fell in love with him (canon), so it makes sense to me that he’d do his best to blend in and fit the image of the perfect hero as best as he could

- I hc he has naturally dark brown curly hair that he dyes blond and freckles and a couple scars on his face that he covers to help keep that perfect image of the hero. There’s so much pressure on him to be beautiful since a war was started over someone being in love with him (which I think has a lot of parallels to Helen of Troy), so he feels the need to look like the ‘old heroes’. In his game the heroes who show up as statues are Young OOT Link and Skyward Sword Link (plus Wolf Link, but he is a wolf), and since Time is further down on the timeline than Sky I hc War’s era probably looks to HIM as like. A great magnificent hero, so War feels pressure to look like Time

- I know Jojo said it’s not canon in LU, but I hc Mask (Time) and Tune (Wind) WERE present in the war, with Mask being 10-12 and Tune being 17 (so Wind went through LU first and THEN the war). I hc the war lasted 3 years, and Warriors was 17-20 during it, making him roughly 27/28 now in present tense LU. Taking care of Mask and Tune were like the only things keeping him sane, because he HAD to take care of two kids younger than him and taking care of THEM forced him to take care of himself

- I hc he has a lot of issues with his identity because he’s “valued” only as someone he ISNT because he created this fake version of himself to survive. He had to become what was expected of him because so many people disliked him because they thought he should’ve just been handed over to Cia, so he let himself be molded into what he perceived people wanted. He lets himself be viewed as an idiot flirt with a perfect straight smile because he’s scared if hes anything else he wont be liked anymore

- I hc he’s actually a very quiet person. He literally doesn’t speak ever in his game. Other Links don’t either, but they at least have like dialogue options you can choose but Warriors doesn’t even have that. Proxi just speaks for him always. I hc he’s a very private person, because so much of his life has been public and he hasn’t had much that’s within his actual control. He likes being able to have his own things that are just for him

- I hc he keeps a journal that’s like every single thought he’s ever had. He needs it to keep his brain organized, but he’s also a huge history nerd to me so he writes down things he learns about the eras he visits

- I hc he has a lot of trust issues because of the turncoats (canon from his game), and it takes a lot for him to fully trust anyone. I agree with the widely popular hc that a lot of people have tried to kill him before by sending assassins, so to me he has some issues with food because he’s nervous about poisons. I hc he has oranges as a safe food because the peel keeps the fruit “protected”. hes aware oranges can technically still be poisoned but his brain like IRRATIONALLY depends on them because him convincing himself that oranges will always be safe is the only thing keeping him sane

- i hc he’s someone who’s love language used to be physical touch. a hug or a shoulder pat are easier to convey how he’s feeling with than words are, but the war and cia and everything he went through took that from him for a long time. hes slowly relearning touch is safe again, but its something hes not great with. he is not someone who can be touched without warning, especially if he doesn’t see the person coming. he’s very cuddly tho, when hes in the right mood for it and when he feels safe to do so

- i hc he has temperature regulation issues because volga burned him and you cannot sweat through burn scars, so he gets overheated pretty easily when its hot out (and so does wild). i also hc he’s someone who doesnt like the cold very much

- he’s a very sweet, gentle person to me who’s just been traumatized by everything he’s been through. he’s terrified to lose anyone else right in front of his eyes, and thats why he snapped at wild for being reckless. his fear just manifests as anger initially. to me he DOES get overwhelmed, but because hes a soldier and its been drilled into him if he stops to cry for every man that dies he’ll be soon to join them, he often pushes everything down and deals with it after the fact. so he can make it through a battle and through seeing his friend’s terribly injured, but the second he’s alone and its all over he just crashes (i wrote a whole post analyzing how he reacted to twilight being injured and how i believe he genuinely prepared himself for twilight to die so he would be able to cope with that grief so he could be there to help the others, and then when twi DIDNT die he was emotionally fucked up because he’d started grieving already and didnt know how to feel and was a bit off for a bit)

anyways…. *wet cough* im sorry this was a lot, i have more i can say my head just hurts a bit lmao. i’ve written a lot of fics about him analyzing him tho if you are interested in any of those:

Love, Me Normally is about him and his identity issues and how he perceives himself (i also have more like this one in my whumptober collection)

You’re A Part Of Me is my major War centric series

i also have a “jes headcanons” tag on my blog which will have more of my thoughts on War in there, and I talk about him a lot so there’s more of my mad rambling on this blog if you want more. im also down to yap more about specific things 😭

thanks for enabling me ✨

[yanderehsr]

Hello!! This is my first time sending a ask to this blog so sorry if I break any rules- ^^;

I just wanted to ask for a Lumine! Reader, where they have a bad mental breakdown, full on falling to the ground and sobbing hard cuz they are looking for something very important that they lost and they've been asking everyone for help but those people ask for something in return before they help but then they never help in the end, just using the Reader-

Can it be with Himeko, Silver wolf, Stelle and Bronya?

( Poor Lumine, she just wants to find her brother but everyone's asking for stuff in return before they help and than they never fulfill their part of the deal )

I know😭 Lumine has to deal with so much and she gets so little in return

Hope you'll enjoy😄

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour, Kidnapping

Himeko: She feels guilty over it but she has waited for this exact moment, for you to come crying to her and she can comfort you. She loves you so much but you never seem to have enough time to notice.

Himeko will hug you, she holds you in place with one hand while the other softly rubs your back, you can't notice because of your position but she is smiling right now, she won't let you go back to searching, you will stay with her from now on. She will not take a no for an answer.

"The world is just full of bad people isn't that right, whatever it is you're looking for can wait right? I'll always be here for you, so why don't you just stay"

Silver Wolf: She feels sad over that maybe she is one of the reasons for your breakdown, she asked for your help in the past, she regrets ever doing that now, she takes you to her home and you play video games together, she isn't very good at comforting so this will have to do.

Silver Wolf let's you lie down on her bed and fall asleep, she joins you later and big spoons you, she knows what she has to do, she needs to hide you from the world, you are too precious, too lovely to ever let go, now be comforted in the safety of her arms cus you aren't leaving anytime soon.

"Oh, you wonder where the door is? Well I removed it, I don't want you to continue your search... I-I love you too much to let you have another breakdown"

Stelle: She knows how it is, a lot of people ask her for help as well, only difference is that Stelle doesn't have a goal that gets set back whenever she helps others, actually Stelle makes sure to help you more than others, so that she is the most important in your life.

So when you come running and cries into Stelle's arms that is when she makes a decision, you shouldn't have to deal with people when they only hurt you so much, Stelle leaves the Astral Express and joins you instead, she'll make sure you only know happiness from now on, now she just needs to convince you to stop searching and instead focus all of your attention on her instead, as it should be.

"There is no reason to cry anymore, I wont let you talk with anyone else again, I'm going to help you, so let me see a smile on that pretty face"

Bronya: She regrets not kidnapping you when she first fell for you, instead she let you go to search for what you lost, but each day without you made her feel more lonely, her mind drifted to darker thoughts, she has decorated a room for you decorated with stars and with a fluffy bed for your enjoyment. And chains ready to be used to keep you there

Bronya when she sees you again and you're crying, breaking down and begging for comfort leads you to that room where she will comfort you to her fullest capabilities. When you get tired and falls asleep on the bed is when she chains you down, this is how you should be, comfortable and safe with her by your side.

"Calm down, I know you can't move very much but it's for the best isn't it? Now you don't need to deal with any of the stress and betrayals, now all you need to do is think of and love me"

[sleep-token-confessions]

This might be a hot take, and i dont want to cause any fighting im just giving my personal perspective and hoping i can get some perspective from people who think differently. But i really dont get why people are so convinced knowing their identities will ruin sleep token for fans. Its one thing avoiding their identities because you believe its morally wrong to investigate, thats understandable (though i will say, its concerning seeing people panic from accidentally finding out as if it makes them a bad person. Also dont send death threats or say other horrible things to people who do know). But the idea that knowing theyre just some normal people will ruin the art confuses me. Maybe its just because sleep token isnt my first masked band, but i dont love the band any less just because i know their identities. I still interpret the music however i want, i still enjoy the theatrics, and from what i know as of now about the boys theyre just even more endearing than people think. Even if vessel explained in depth what the music means to him personally, id still interpret it however i want anyways. I cant see how the art would be ruined unless people found out theyre horrible people, in which case wouldnt it be good to know that so you could stop supporting them? Its just weird to me seeing people accidentally find stuff about their real identities and desperately try to trick their brain into forgetting out of fear they wont like sleep token anymore, and id be lying if i said it didnt seem unhealthy imo. I kinda feel like im missing something because i genuinely just do not get it, it feels like saying knowing what an actor looks like off camera ruins the movie. Maybe my brain just works differently or something, genuinely what am i not getting? I understand the moral concerns (to an extent at least, but right now i wont get into all my takes about what is or isnt moral), but i do not understand at all the artistic concerns

.

[scoobydoodean]

i think even though cas was in there stealing the journal, i think he was trying to legitimately convince dean to come to his side, because he does it the Very next episode (although he doesnt seem to realize that hes being manipulative about it..im not trying to infantilize him i just remember him being confused/surprised when dean points out that crowley gave him the same line)

like i do think theres a bit of double think in how castiel acts and behaves and he doesnt seem to grasp the emotional consequences of his actions, especially in this season.

like he thinks hes saying "if you trust me (please trust me) i can get crowley to release lisa and ben, because you wont be a threat anymore to his plan"

but dean hears "if you want lisa and ben back, you'll have to fall in line"

thats not to say dean is wrong for hearing it like that, but castiel really seems to be struggling with communication because he did this all for dean (in his mind) and once it's all over everything will be fine, lucifer and michael will stay in their cage, and dean and lisa will be safe at home.

but at this point hes killed too many and hurt too many people to turn back so when dean pleads for him to back down hes hearing dean say "im fine with risking the apocalypse again, and i cant trust you to do a plan that you are certain will work" when dean is just worried about another eve slipping through

its just very delightfully complex (imho) i dont really have a conclusion

Cas definitely wanted Dean on his side. He didn't need to wake Dean up or have a conversation with him to get the journal. He chose to wake him up and have that conversation because he desperately wanted Dean not to think badly of him. It's just hilarious that at the same time, he was also like. There to steal shit. When he saw Dean sleeping on that couch, he just couldn't help himself. He wanted to talk to Dean.

Trying to get Dean on his side was important to Cas because he loves Dean and values their friendship, but it was also important to him because Cas had, to some extent, tied his self-image to everyone else's perception of him over the whole season. He lies to all of his friends—Sam, Dean, Bobby, Balthazar, Rachel. He lies to the Winchesters because he wants a place he can come to where someone still recognizes him as the person he used to be and not the person he is becoming. Crowley puts this best:

CROWLEY: The big lie -- the Winchesters still buy it. The good Cas, the righteous Cas. And long as they still believe it, you get to believe it. Well, I got news for you, kitten. A whore is a whore is a whore.

This is a period where Cas was doubting everything and wrestling with moral quandaries. He sees his own actions as monstrous, but also believes that monstrosity is necessary. He and Dean have a conversation about this very early on in 6.06, after their last interaction in 6.03 had Cas causing a child excruciating pain to gain information.

DEAN What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one. CASTIEL I'm at war. Certain... regrettable things are now required of me.

I've talked about how the title of this episode, "You Can't Handle The Truth", shows Cas's hand in that he doesn't believe anybody else can handle the dirty work. He knows it makes him look bad and that's why he lies about it—to protect his image.

The whole of 6.20, he's struggling, but he's doing it alone. To his friends, he presents his actions with surety—telling Dean insistently that Cas knows what he's doing and that there's nothing broken about his plan, while he says privately praying to his father:

Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? You have to tell me. You have to give me…A sign. Give me a sign. Because if you don’t…I’m gonna ju– I’m gonna do whatever I… Whatever I must.

And to himself about working with Crowley:

I asked myself, “what was I doing with this vermin?”

And while betraying Crowley briefly by killing demons Crowley sent after the Winchesters:

For a brief moment…I was me again.

Sam and Dean and Bobby's belief in Cas's goodness (that he was himself) was so important to Cas that he was spying on them all of 6.20 despite his alleged busy schedule just to check in and see what they were thinking about him. And when they did trust him again for that brief moment, he felt relief, but also knew it was all an illusion and felt shame and guilt about it:

Wonders never cease. They trusted me again. But it was just another lie. 

The same discomfort and shame seeps off Cas in 6.17 when Sam and Dean thank him for saving them, while Cas knows Astropos was only after them because of him, and that if they understood the full picture, their feelings about what he'd actually done to "save" them would be very very different. He knows he's receiving praise he doesn't deserve, so the esteem they place on him is hollow.

On the other hand, I do think Cas grasps the emotional consequences of his actions for the most part. That's why he lied the whole season—because he was afraid of the fallout among every single person he knew and even more as the lies stacked and stacked. He knew none of them would agree with what he was doing. But the consequences with Sam and Dean also extend a little deeper than Cas thought they would, and that's what wounds him the absolute most, I think. I don't think Cas expected Sam to question whether Cas intentionally left his soul in The Cage, or for Dean to question whether or not Cas was involved in the plot to kidnap Lisa and Ben in 6.21. He is genuinely and deeply wounded when his care for them is essentially questioned at the very foundation and it leaves him feeling betrayed in his own way.

The thing is, Cas's privately held doubts still do not match the picture he presents to the Winchesters even after he is exposed. Privately, Cas is starting to see the pride and hubris underlying some of his choices:

I wish I could say I was clean of pride at that moment…

I see now that I was prideful. And in all likelihood, I was a fool.

I see now that was arrogance…Hubris 

Privately, Cas reveals that his motives aren't as pure as he presents them to be:

I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys. Or to protect myself. I-I don’t know anymore.

Hiding…Lying…Sweeping away evidence. And my motives used to be so pure.

Crowley had a point, of course. My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian.

But to the Winchesters? He says "I did it all for you" and "I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you" and "It's not broken". He doesn't let them see his doubts, because he might crumble under them—and because sunk cost fallacy and his own pride won't allow him to accept being questioned even by his closest friends. In other words, he continues to lie, and after the big reveal, Dean can see right through him.

CASTIEL: I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you. DEAN: Because of me. Yeah. You got to be kidding me.

Cas's pride also comes out in this conversation at night in Bobby's house.

DEAN: I'm not gonna logic you, okay? I'm saying don't...Just 'cause. I'm asking you not to. That's it. Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family -- that you are like a brother to me. So, if I'm asking you not to do something...You got to trust me, man. CASTIEL: Or what?

Dean says he isn't going to logic Cas. Bobby and Sam and Dean already tried that earlier that day, Balthazar will also try later, and it doesn't register. Dean puts all of the technical arguments aside and is trying to say (coupled with his earlier assertions) "I know you think you have to do this, but all of us can see you're going off the deep end and even you know that deep down. Please trust us on this." But Cas's response is "Or what?" He turns it into a battle of wills, then adds, "You can't stop me. You're just a man", which is also a dogwhistle for Dean when dealing with angels, who repeatedly over the course of the show, have called him a monkey, a dog, a pet, and other things to express the idea that he is beneath them as a justification for using and hurting him. It immediately turns them against each other because Cas feels like Dean is basically calling him crazy and is offended by the idea that he doesn’t know what he’s doing (even though he has his own private doubts, because at this point his self-image hinges on turning out to be right). Dean is seeing the angelic sense of superiority come out—something he’s far more familiar with than he’d like to be—something common to the angels who have used and manipulated and threatened him and acted entitled to him… and coupled with all the questions about exactly how involved Cas was in using Dean to get alphas over the course of the season and how he knows Cas used him in “The French Mistake”? It doesn’t paint a pretty picture for Dean.

In addition to their profound bond, I think Dean saying, "Cas, we can fix this!" and Dean being Cas's defender the entirety of 6.20 is also why Cas comes to him at the end of the episode. Dean is the weak link in the chain at the time (that completely changes in the next episode when Lisa and Ben are kidnapped). But Dean is also so devastated about all the faith he had in Cas's honesty being crushed, and he's reliving the demon blood arc in some sense, and he's probably reevaluating what he felt when Cas used him in "The French Mistake" and what exactly was going on in "My Heart Will Go On" and how—when Crowley forced him and Sam into doing his bidding, Cas knew it and he let it happen—he let it happen because he wanted the alphas. Not only did Cas know Crowley was using them—he went to great lengths to cover up his involvement and keep them off Crowley's tail. Cas's speech in the following episode demanding Dean's trust again is not only ill-timed while Dean is worried sick about Lisa and Ben—it's full of lies and half truths and even a little shit slinging that Dean knows isn't fair and that is deeply reminiscent of Sam's speech full of falehoods about trust in 4.21.

On Cas's side, I think you're spot on about his lack of cognizance on how he comes across when he says:

CASTIEL: I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. Stand behind me, the one time I ask.

I don't think Cas meant to suggest that the first statement depends on the second one (we can judge as much when he heals Lisa at the end of the episode) but that's absolutely how it comes across.

[thedevilsoftruth]

𝓦𝓮𝓵𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓓𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓵𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓣𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓱 𝓫𝓵𝓸𝓰

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒈 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆. 𝑬𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆, 𝒈𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔.

𝓐𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓶𝓮

Hello beautiful, sexy people. You can call me Bullet or Mama Devil.(she/her) I am an erotic fanfiction writer. I primarily write x readers catered towards women. I have had a deep love for writing since I published my first fanfiction in 2022. I am here to spread good vibes and show love to everyone. My blog is 100% LGBT+ safe, so anyone within that community is safe and welcomed here. I write fanfic to connect with people and simply just for fun.

I am the owner of two other blogs. @congressmanjb-barnes is my 18+ RP blog, and @thedevilsoftruth-reblogs is my reblog blog.

A couple of fun facts about me are that im a scorpio and an Enfp-A. My favorite bands/artists of all time are Nine Inch Nails, Soft Cell, Depeche Mode, and Madonna. I am bisexual and have diagnosed adhd. I did Taekwondo for 3 years. I picked up on art when I was 11, and now I am an artist in a bunch of different feilds; music, traditional art, writing, and theatre.

Some of my special, long-term interests include the manga versions of Demon Slayer and JJBA, the Moon Knight comics and Marvel as a whole.

You can find me on a different websites. On TikTok I am Theactualdevilsoftruth and Justacopyofa, I'm currently working on getting an Ao3 but.. we'll see about that. I used to have a Wattpad, I actually started out my fanfic journey in Wattpad, but I don't have it anymore.

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𝓑𝓵𝓸𝓰 𝓻𝓾𝓵𝓮𝓼

DO NOT INTERACT WITH MY POSTS IF YOU ARE: a minor, trump supporter, Elon Musk supporter, homophobic and/or a fatphobe.

𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓭 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮

I kind of just talk about stuff on here. I rant a lot. I like talking to people, meeting people and hearing what people have to say about things. But I also post a lot of fanfiction on here!

The Fandoms I post about on here are random, but here is the short list of the fandoms I write for or post about;

Nine Inch Nails: You'll find some NIN stuff. I reblog or post important news about the band, and I will come on here and post happy birthday posts to their albums.

The Marvel Universe: I started out being a Loki blog, I posted some Loki stuff, but this blog will probably never see the light of anything Loki related ever again.

Stardew Valley: I posted a bunch of Shane content back in my day, but maybe I'll bring more characters from this game into my blog somehow..

Demon Slayer: In the past, I have written one shots for both Rengoku and Gyomei.

Note: I am most active from Friday to Monday and try to post fics around those days.

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𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝓲 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻

For Marvel: Anyone in the Moon Knight system, Steve Rogers, Thor, Sam Wilson, and Bucky Barnes.

For Stardew Valley: Shane, Elliott and Harvey.

For Demon Slayer: Rengoku, Gyomei, Sanemi, Tengen, and Douma.

Any other characters that weren't mentioned are excluded unless your request is good enough to convince me. Absolutely no underage characters should be requested, even if it's not for smut.

My request box is currently open!!! Please feel free to request me anything.♡

𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓻𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓼:

Please do not request me any of the following: anything having to do with major age gaps ( 18 year old and 30 year old character ) MLM ( I do not write for male protagonists or for mlm because I do not feel comfortable with it as some men in the LGBT community are uncomfortable with women writing gay smut. ) teacher x student, anal sex (idk it's weird for me,) anything having to do with drugging, step dad or step brother stuff ( it's incestuous and weird ), same thing goes for dads best friend type shit. I wont write it. It's creepy and weird. omegaverse, and mafia/ceo bullshit are also immediately out of the picture. I know, I just basically listed everything everyone on here loves. But it's my opinion and my boundaries so please respect them.

I write erotica for women and women only. I will accept G/N protagonist in all genres, including erotica. But still, most of my stuff is targeted towards women.

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𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓼:

Loki Masterlist

Moon Knight Masterlist

Bucky Barnes / Winter Soldier masterlist

Sdv Shane Masterlist

Gyomei Himejima Masterlist

Kyojuro Rengoku Masterlist

[winstonkilos]

♱ my opinion on johnny x dallas ♰

this isn't made to convince anyone otherwise -- ship what you like just sharing my opinion -- tho i am terrible at wording.

so, my friend and i used to like this ship, and she still does to my knowledge, but i've grown to not like it for a couple reasons.

the outsiders represents a lot of things, one very obviously being brotherhood and complicated brotherly relationships with people you don't share blood with. for a long time, this has been dumbed down to "haha both boys they kiss!!" and i feel that that's stupid.

dallas winston himself is a complex character, and right now i'm too tired to break that down, but he died because he saw no point in living if he had failed to protect johnny from inevitable death. point blank. must you see romance in that? i mean, really. i feel like seeing it as brotherly makes it all the more meaningful.

everytime someone simplifies two characters bond to be romance it makes me kinda sad. i' not saying if you ship jally you "missed the point", i'm just saying me personally, i don't see it like that.

i love them together they mean the world to me but i just can't see it as romantic anymore, and i also wont turn their love for eachother into the niche romance i see.

typed this as midnight, i'm sorry if i sound stupid by morning...

[atsoine]

im an inconsistant person sometimes, and i think thats okay. or at least, im trying to be okay with it. ive always dealt with identity issues due to my DID, but im also bipolar and thats played a part in how ive felt about people and things i normally love.

grappling with being bipolar has been really difficult. it was the main disorder my mom demonized when i was growing up. her mother was bipolar, and also abusive, so my mom held the belief that bipolar disorder made people abusive. obviously this isnt true, but that was her view. she'd take this out on me, often trying to paint me as abusive when i was a child expressing my basic needs, and as i became a teen she started saying shit like "maybe youre bipolar like my mom" and "youre probably crazy like my mom."

this all created a very negative association of bipolar disorder in my mind, and while i never let that affect how i treated other bipolar people in my life, it did affect how willing i was to accept i may be bipolar. it was something i questioned on and off for a while, and very rarely talked about, until semi recently. im fairly sure im bipolar 2, and i showed strong cyclothymia symptoms a few years ago, so it may have worsened over time.

but anyway. my bipolar disorder causes me to be inconsistant in ways my DID and other disorders cant explain. things like prolongued periods of hating or not caring about people i love, even FPs, things like impulsively reinventing myself both online and in real life because im convinced by hypomania that ive cracked the code on how to be perfect, things like quitting my jobs every 3-4 months because i cant consistantly show up when im depressive, but i also cant behave without being sent home when im hypomanic. i didnt connect the dots that these things were caused by my bipolar disorder for a long time, because i was trying so hard to convince myself i wasnt bipolar.

in the midst of an episode, i dont have the ability to zoom out and see that im being inconsistant or that im following a pattern of ups and downs. i just have new views and thoughts, and i fully believe them for the duration of the episode. mix this with my proneness to paranoia and delusions, and you can start to see how ive gotten to this point of cycling through normalcy and controvsery.

im trying really hard to be a good person and im always working on combatting unhelpful or harmful thoughts so i dont take negative actions, but i have so much mental illness working against me. i try to stay out of trouble, focus on myself, and then i have an episode and come down a week later with 20 new enemies and half my accounts deleted. this would happen in school, too, and it happens whenever i have a job.

point is, im inconsistant. and i fuck up every single time i try to promise i wont anymore. because i have untreated mental disorders and im still at the beginning of my journey. but im trying, and im always improving in little ways, tackling what i can tackle and figuring myself out.

- toby

[cowboy-robooty]

no guys see robooty itager is the slowest burn fucking imaginable. because i think that 1) italy would have to initiate them dating since germany thinks hes rejected forever after buon san valentino (my boy loves one sided crush) and 2) if they dont slow burn theyll crash and explode. because i think italy takes forever to realize he genuinely really fucking love germany and ONLY loves him and is willing to be loyal 'n treat him well to have him. Since i think italy isnt the type to really love ever since his kindergarten crush so he takes forever to recognize what he feels is genuine love (plus his love is born from a sense of entitlement but thats a whole 'nother enchilada). but yeah and because they take forever and are fully developed in their feelings when they date things are happy happy sunshine swag peace and love ❤️ they do stupid shit as bros the only difference now is they make out sometimes and japan cries himself to sleep everyday ^_^

but in a world where somehow they started dating BEFORE italy completely sorts out his feelings then OHHHH MY GOD. HELLWORLD. LITERAL HELLWORLD. because italy would totally cheat on germany and germanys heart would have youtube poop glass shattering effect explosion and italy would be #unloyal and #mean #scumgong and he would break up with germany for being so clingy and upset about him breaking his heart everyday or germany would break up with italy because everyone in his entire life (2 people: japan and prussia) is telling him that he needs to because italys making him chew glass (they take like 6 years to convince him and have to resort to saying its for italys own good if he breaks up with him). and then when they break up germany would hashtag die and explode because he obviously still loves italy but hes held back by prussia to not come back to him and tries to satiate his autistic brain by thinking "he was mean to me and told me to leave. im sorry ill leave now sorry for bothering you" and he also doesnt feel close to anybody except italy and has to go "brother....... i am.... not feeling good right now........" and cant say much else bc WE SAW IN THE ANIME GERMANY WANTED TO VENT ABT ITALY AND REALIZED HE HAS NOBODY BC HE ONLY IS CLOSE ENOUGH IN THAT WAY TO ITALY. and then cut to italy and hes partying it up because hes pissed off at germany for being on his ass hardcore every single day for the past god knows how long (hate my wife syndrome) until a while later the partying slows down and he has a bunch of moments where he thinks "well usually right now germany would do [thing]" and that builds up until he is hit with the full realization that germany is not going to stay by his side anymore. because hes run away now and hes never ever coming back. and that realization is like the evil version of italy realizing that he loves germany and wants him to ALWAYS be by his side; so much so that hes willing to do what it takes and compromise and be loyal n shit to make that happen. and now italy is freaking out because he doesnt feel this urge ever and now hes already fumbled the dude hes fr in gays with. but this realization is evil because its under a sense of panic and shit so its also motivated by italy feeling a sense of entitlement to having germany by his side and like HES SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

and from there italy would get back together with germany either easily bc he would just ask and say sorry and germany would go "well to be fair I should have been better as well. yes we should try again i want to too, i will try my best to not fail you this time." or it would be hard because germany would have his mind made up (with prussias support and urging and shit) to be like no italy we arent good for eachother and i cant (shouldnt) forgive you for doing those things to me and italy would be like Oh. and chew glass and freak the fuck out until he decides hes going to use #emotional manipulation and sob to everyone about how germany wont take him back and make everyone hate on germany and call him a terrible guy n shit to make germany feel so guilty and think hes an awful person to italy that he takes italy back. but even then their relationship is now fucked up forever because they live in perfect symbiosis thats their entire thing but now they dont because germany now has doubt of italy because of how he went into their relationship before and didnt give a fuck and italy unlocked his evil paranoia because now when he gets scared that germany will leave him he cant be comforted by thinking that would never happen because IT DID. HE WAS SEPERATED FROM HIM IT IS POSSIBLE TO MAKE GERMANY RUN AWAY. and because of that italy gets a lot more freaky about not wanting anyone to like germany so germany wont like them more than him and being emotionally manipulative and possessive and yandere shit because his paranoia is driving him to it. itager is great because it has so much potential to be evil like italy could emotionally manipulate germany so hard and all that shit but it would never happen because germany is so loyal and obsessed with italy that he never makes italy feel paranoid and like he has to. theyre like imagine if someone who has potential yandere gene in them dated a person who loved them more than anything in the entire universe and bends to their every will and never even glances at another person. that yandere gene is never getting activated bruh and at most manifests when italys like WAHHHH GERMANY YOU WONT LIKE RUSSIA MORE THAN ME RIGHT?? WHY DONT I HAVE THE MOST GERMAN TOURISTS IN THE WORLD WTF IS THERE SOMETHING ABOUT ME I NEED TO CHANGE????? but in the world where they rush things they break up and it disrupts all this homeostasis and makes them a little evil afterwards because italy has excessive paranoia that cant be quenched and germany has autism doubt because "he betrayed me once...... so hell probably betray me again *cries*"

[matrixwhore]

mmm…

i wanna talk about paul. i dont think i lingered too much there. bc it’s a sensitive spot i guess? it’s a sensitive thing to be openly unwell. my focus with this post if i really even have that is his relation with louis. i wanna talk about paul in relation to how louis treats him and that being a reason why i love louis so much too. i love both characters. i think paul doesnt really ever get mentioned in fandom much. which is the psychosis experience tbh. so it tracks.

it’s a public spectacle every one wants so desperately to ignore and to be over. in my personal experience (and i don’t think i’m alone in this) the person going through it wants it to be over too. wants that people don't see them that way. but paul’s whole character is generally ignored other than in conversations about whether or not lestat caused his suicide, which was a compelling conversation. whether or not he did is a incredibly prickly thing in the gut of the story. and to be followed up with Louis staying with Armand after having killed claudia who has a thread with paul too. she has a manic/psychotic moment. she’s a collector. she’s a lot of things that society doesn’t want to see exist. (nor does the fandom but i digress) and the way she lives in this undead world is as if she doesnt exist at all so manny ways (like paul in life too in ways) we’ve spoken of if you are someone who dares to acknowledge the fullness of her character. i said this was about paul but im working through a connection in real time. i think that’s why i wanna talk about paul. bc he carries so much of the story in the little time he was alive. and his death is the catalyst for louis’ initial death. not the one lestat gave him, but the one that made it possible for lestat to convince him in the first place. ( the spiritual one maybe? idk. im just thinking thoughts)

what i never question in regards to paul and louis’ relationship, is that louis loves him. that’s what actually makes that: “did lestat kill him really? and whether or not he did kill him….louis thought he did and stayed?” conversation so insane in the membrane to me. because the way he treated paul shows me he does love him so much. one: something in him died with paul. another thing is that louis genuinely wanted him around. he advocated for him to stay out of the hospital. he took him out as soon as he was given the power to as head of household when his father died. (i have so many questions about his own feelings and opinions on his father.) he openly spent time with him. paul was his favorite person. he let paul crawl into bed with him. which is kind of big deal from what i know in the openly unwell population. not a lot of people want to comfort that. and louis allowing his male brother into bed with him for that tender moment is kind of a key moment for him to me bc of how the pressures of homophobia can affect how men are made to feel they can treat their male family members too. Louis sees him and his need and is willing to give it to him. louis wants to be there for his brother. he decides he’ll be the one to take care of him. tells grace not to worry about paul. he would take care of him. he assures paul he wont see lestat anymore. louis’ love for paul was in the way of lestat’s wants and desires. maybe paul did have suicidal ideation already. maybe many things can be true.

(i meant to post this during disability month, but i went through it and so now i��ll just continue where i left off)

louis struggling with killing a man with a daughter and wanting to go home to his brother…😵‍💫. paul isnt a child, but louis was his caretaker. in paul you see louis shine in that role (barring the bit where he pulls a knife out, and threatens to gut him, bc that was a performance. it’s not great but he didn't even want to do that). louis recognizing that locking away a man for having delusions just because he has them at all made paul worse was such a powerfully impactful thing to me. i say this fully well knowing sometimes going to the hospital can be beneficial these days, but even still being locked up there?? drugged and treated horribly given he was black and in a time when mentally ill people were treated heinously? louis saying he belongs at home and seeing to it that paul gets to be home with his family. spending time with him like he’s a person beyond his disability. beyond his delusions. that shit makes me like quiver and cry tbh. that’s mostly what people going through that need most of all and don’t receive. he loved paul. and when paul dies louis dies. idc. (so if lestat’s did take paul away from louis….he killed him twice….also while i’m here i have stirring thoughts about lestat knowing he could tell paul his truthful intentions in town and that out of paul’s mouth no one would believe him. maybe that’s the whole thought. or maybe i’ll come back to it. idk)

(i think in some ways claudia was also theyre to fill the casm paul created too. sorry none of this is like linear or anything im just thinking i guess. maybe i’ll make get into how i see they’re related later.)

[crazylittlejester]

Holy crap I haven't looked at your account in a while (idk why but your posts just haven't been popping up on my home page) and I saw your new pfp! IT'S ABSOLUTELY STUNNING!!! Your art is so good!!

Also I wanted to hear about your personal head cannons for Warriors because I would love to hear them!!

a lot of people have been telling me that actually, that they’re not seeing my posts on their dash anymore, i wonder if something is going on with that :( (and also IVE noticed that my engagement has been down, tho i’d thought that’s just because this is a busy time of year)

HEHE THANK YOU!! :3 i love my blorbo and the voices wanted me to draw him again

god there are. so. so many that i have- but to list off a few:

- middle child (he’s number four of seven), and im so set on this one. he has six sisters (one of which is his twin (Linkle)) because i know in my heart this man was raised by women. also i hc his mom is still alive because he deserves a living mother after everything (and he loves her and shes awesome and she misses him very very much)

- he has the worst vision ever, he cant see more than like 20 feet away from him without things just getting blurry, but he genuinely doesn’t realize that his vision is shit he thinks hes normal

- due to his burn scars its hard for him to regulate his temperature so he overheats easily in hot weather if hes not careful

- i hc after the war he took in two cats that he found abandoned in a destroyed village. he tried to find who they belonged to but couldn’t, and initially he wasn’t going to keep them but then he got attached and now those are his babies and his girls (Rosie and Delilah). He knits them sweaters because they have no fur and knitting is a good productive mindless activity for him to do when he’s stressed

- on a similar note: i hc he has experience as a tailor and is very good at sewing and mending things because while his family does own a small farm and sell some crops (he’s a country boy turned city boy and this is another hill i will die on), they’re tailors and thats the main way they make money

- absolutely terrified of cuccos because Linkle would chase him around with them when they were kids and eventually the cuccos took this to mean any time they saw Warriors they were to chase him, without Linkle even being there

- i hc his eyes are hazel and that his hair is naturally dark brown and very curly, but he started bleaching and straightening it when he ended up in the army and got to Castletown

- hes scared to go home to his family now that the war is over because he’s worried hes changed too much as a person after everything he went through and he can’t mentally handle the idea of being rejected from a place he gets so much comfort from just thinking about, so he keeps his distance and is full of some pretty lame ass excuses as to why he wont go home (it’s been well over a decade. i hc he left at 15-16 and is currently 27 almost 28). Linkle is the only blood relative he’s seen since he left for the war and she tries to convince him to come home whenever she sees him

- i hc he looks just like his mom, which is a blessing and a curse for him because he can never hate his face because he is literally IDENTICAL to his mom and he loves and misses her so much, but it’s painful to look at himself in the mirror sometimes. Linkle, being his TWIN, is can also be hard to look at

- HUGE history nerd, and getting to travel through the eras and learn about them has been the most exciting thing to ever happen to him. he didn’t have access to a formal education as a kid, he would’ve been home schooled basically, and once the war was over and he had access to a library full of knowledge from all over the place on topics he’d never even realized existed he just started reading and didn’t stop. he LOVES to learn and he loves to explore, and half his journal is just all his observations on the eras a little notes and could literally be a history book on its own. he draws diagrams and maps and all sorts of stuff in there, and when he goes home he LOVES getting to tell people the history books are fucking wrong

- the other half of his journal contains more personal things, and also notes on his companions and strategies for battles (he is INCREDIBLY observant and keeps very detailed notes. his journal is basically an extension of his brain because the ADHD can make it hard to keep track of all his thoughts sometimes). none of it is written in ‘hyrulian common’ (english), the entire thing is in his native language (portuguese) written in an alphabet none of the chain are able to read (and no one in War’s Castletown and read it either. should someone take his journals it would take them a good long while to translate them)

- his left hand is a little messed up, sometimes it shakes and sometimes his grip is really weak, so on days his wrist isn’t strong enough to wield his sword in a way that makes him feel safe, he brings out the fire rod. two handed weapon, offers him more stability, and yeah he also does just like watching shit go up in flames

- he’s actually an introvert. the loud obnoxious personality is something that was created from rumors and expectations of him from the kingdom and the whole ‘Captain’ persona is really just like some character he plays. he’s definitely a bit dramatic at his core, but hes a much more quiet and reserved person than he comes off as. he greatly values his privacy and alone time

[cartoonrival]

Is Itachi a loser to you?

NO!!!!!! he was a child who was made a double agent at the age of 11!!!! the moment that it became evident that he was a prodigy, his abilities were immediately pounced on as a political tool for both the uchiha and konoha!!! while im not going to strip itachi of ALL his agency and say that nothing he did was his fault, i think its ridiculous to ignore the fact that he was being groomed by danzo and hiruzen and his father from the moment he could throw a kunai. everything he did and believes is a direct result of being thrust into massacres before he was old enough to even understand it, and even longer before he was old enough to realize that the people telling him what to do were fucking stupid. he was being ordered around by people that he was raised to believe knew what they were talking about.

of course, what he did to sasuke was not an order, and it was deeply horrific. but at the same time he truly believed that this was the only way to protect sasuke. if sasuke knew that konoha had ordered the slaughter of the uchiha, then his little brother would become a dissident, and itachi can't imagine anything more frightening. so he lies to him and saddles him with horrible heartwrenching grief and fury, because itachi is 13 and thats the only way he can think to do it. itachi IS deeply controlling when it comes to sasuke-- he manipulates him at every step out of a refusal to admit that konoha's leadership pushed itachi to do something completely unforgiveable. his desperation to "save" sasuke completely bypasses sasuke's personhood and right to make his own decisions and hold his own beliefs at every single step of the way, because sasuke is itachi's baby brother and itachi is so deeply entrenched in the horrific politics of the ninja world that he's convinced this is somehow better and safer than the inevitable rage if sasuke were to learn the truth. its easier this way.

itachi's controlling nature is a DIRECT result of everything that he went through. if he did not join the anbu at 11 years old, get led around by his nose by two opposing factions for 2 years, then kill his entire clan at 13, then he wouldn't be like this to sasuke. i imagine it is in his blood to think he knows better than his little brother does, as older siblings are wont to do, but this level of micromanaging what sasuke is allowed to feel and think is a direct result of the fact that itachi was being puppeted by three people who could not agree on what dance he was supposed to be doing and yanked his strings until they tangled.

itachi's story is deeply deeply miserable because while his actions are unforgiveable, its incredibly easy to track exactly what led up to every decision he made. itachi's last words to sasuke are that no matter what path he chooses, itachi will always love him. this is a direct reversal of the mindset he has had for the entirety of his life wrt sasuke. he insists that he wasn't perfect, please don't look up to me anymore, but obviously itachi is sasuke's big brother no matter what so after being told that itachi does love him, that he loves him more than anything in the world, sasuke can't help but look up to him anyways. miserable

[trekkele]

re: redemption stories

Hi, i actually love your answer because it made it easier to sort my thoughts, so thank you <3 However I'm still thinking over how i wanna phrase my next - hopefully - elaborating ask, so that might take a bit.

Meanwhile, how would you narratively treat characters like Thanos (the mcu version), Mr. Freeze, Harley Quinn and Magneto in terms of redemption and forgiveness? 👀

And what do you think about the redemption stories of heroes that we've already seen? Like Tony Stark (mcu version again), Zuko, and, idk, Severus Snape?

Ooh this one has meat in, delicious. Also funny story! Tony Stark was actually in one of my previous rambledy answers that i felt went nowhere!! As an example of someone who’s ‘redemption’ felt hollow because it was ended* with an abdication of responsibility instead of an acceptance of it.

Ok to start! Thanos is in a different category of villain to me so lets break it down. There are villains who are acting, wether that is in response to a problem they see or a problem they are creating (ie, Thanos destroying half the universe for ‘resources’, or too woo Death, Harley Quinn to match Jokers freak) and then there are villains who are reacting (Mr Freeze to save Nora, Magneto to champion human rights for mutants). Both are capable of doing awful things, but they will be coming at redemption in very different ways because of the catalyst that would get them to stop.

For example, Thanos wont stop because he either sees himself as a savior to a problem he created, or because he is convinced his next “gift” will turn Death to him, and (narratively, Doylestly) Magneto wont stop because comics will never allow mutant kind to achieve acceptance and peace. Thats where the money is!

(Obligatory side note that i am on Magnetos side. He is right and that is my zeidy whom i love.)

Vs Harley Quinn and Mr Freeze, both of which have clear parameters under which they stop being antagonists. Mr Freeze saves Nora’s life, Harley realizes not only can Joker never give her what she wants, she doesnt want to be that person anymore either.

So in order to write these 4 characters with any kind of coherent redemption arc, you have to break down 1. are they acting or reacting 2. What are they acting or reacting to 3. Can this change without completely sacrificing the story/who they are 4. Would that be satisfying, narratively.

Thanos cant get a redemption arc because it would entail him 1. Admitting his resources excuse was bullshit and he could have just doubled everything (except the people) in the universe or 2. Death will never love him. And considering the type of guy he is, neither of those seem satisfying to me.

Mr. Freeze is less complicated because (going off his BTAS character) all he really wants is to cure this disease, and the US has a history of letting worse scientists get away with more. Give him an ankle bracelet and some funding and i think he can contribute more to society then he took* (*caveat i cant remember if he kills people or not)

The thing with Harley and Magneto is that theyre both mostly antiheroes. Harley is already pretty much “redeemed” in comics these days, and by having her enagage directly against the kinds of plots she used to run i think theyve done a pretty good job by making that a satisfying if not always elegant arc. *(caveat here that Harley is a victim of manipulation and abuse. She isnt a perfect victim of either, in case someone’s brought a horse and climbed onto it, but she is a victim. Her redemption under those circumstances was always going to be easier to swallow)

As for Magneto, let the old man rest and stop building giant robots to hunt down his people and you’ll be fucking fine. He truly is reacting to situations so i dont think he needs redemption as much as everyone else needs to leave Zeidy alone.

And now for the fun part. Tony Stark’s redemption could have been fine. It was spread out over a few movies in a few years, so the gaps would have been less obvious, the character progression would have been serviceable, etc etc, IF he hadnt gone and handed the fucking UN and ROSS of all fuckers all of his allies on silver platter because he never truly reckoned with his own guilt and complicity in the deaths of innocents. Ultron was a symptom of this btw.

Tonys arc circled around the abdication of responsibility vs the acceptance of it, and by the time he dies i think he simply hasnt done enough to prove he truly accepts it. *caveat here that i didnt watch the final phase and only know of it through fandom and meta breakdowns. I think Tony is a really good example of a failed redemption arc and i would love it the movies knew thats what they were doing. The movies end with his death because he simply cannot accept who he was and what he did enough to change past it. And thats pretty comics accurate actually.

Between Tony and Snape theres a common thread actually and its that death is not redemption. death can benefit and protect those you hurt but if it is the only action towards change you take it isnt redemption. So thats Snape isnt it?

The thing is, Snape never does redeem himself, nor, personally, do i think he ever tries. Because his death is related to his work as a double agent and his opposition to voldemort, while the actions he needs redemption for are several years of actively bullying children from ages 11-18. Thats. Not the same!! How exactly do you redeem yourself from being a bad teacher and bad person if you dont live long enough to become a good teacher and a good person.

And the thing is, its not even that he was forced into being a teacher by circumstance and is bad at it, he is shown several times throughout the series to be good at teaching when he wants to be. The fact that he chooses to be mean to children because of his own angst and guilt is like. Textual. I hate him.

Zuko is a pretty perfect example of a redemption arc that feels genuine because 1. His tragic backstory isnt presented as a reason to forgive him, simply as an explanation for his behavior. 2. His setbacks never completely return him to who he was. He always changes and retains that change at least slightly 3. His change is almost entirely divorced from the people he hurt - they happen in separate rooms so to speak. Those people might be a catalyst but they arent the driving force. He doesnt change for them but rather because what he’s learned from them. And 4. Even if he never got acceptance or forgiveness from the gAang, he would still have changed and remained changed. There are good metas on this that are more coherent floating around.

I’ve run out of steam but if any of this doesn’t seem complete or is confusing let me know and i can (hopefully) explain!

[exoulisis]

Murderer James W. Rodgers was put in front of a firing squad in Utah and asked if he had a last request. He replied, “Bring me a bullet-proof vest.”

somethings happened to me

ive been feeling disgusted by writing. ive started hating it. this worries me

i dont think ive ever made it this far on a singular project. its like my brain is repelling me away because its a new record for me.

i have to push. and thats hard because it’s writing

its hard because im against my own brain but my brain is responsible for producing the ideas for my writing.

it’s like begging your worst enemy for some money.

if you’re here then you are a witness of the first ever time i tried when it got hard. when i really didnt want to do it. when i started hating it.

i dont even care if im losing passion for writing or if im burnt out or “writers block”. i dont care about any of it. i MUST go on.

ive gotten so far. i cant quit this now. i cant slow down now.

its so easy too. i just write about random things that come to my mind. i just write about my feelings, i just vent to nobody.

if i can’t even do that then what can i do?

this medium account is teaching me what discipline feels like. its teaching me what LIFE feels like.

are you really here?

i haven’t seen you in a while, reading this.

im losing God again. i dont even know how or why at this point. He just fades from me. i need to recommit myself to prayer and scripture i guess.

it saddens me so much.

because i know ill never be good enough for Him

i know ill never be able to stick with Him forever because ill always lose Him

it breaks me

it breaks my heart

it makes me hate myself because im not allowing myself to live

im not allowing myself to have the only thing in the entire universe thats real and not out to get me

im sorry

but how could God make it so hard for me?

He knows how weak i am

wait i cant do this now. i cant ask questions about God here because i have to ask Him directly. i cant pray in here because He said not to. i need to pray in private, in secret, alone.

but i am really just so so so so sorry to Him

because i know Hes there but im drowning down here

im drowning on this earth

in all the things of this earth

the work the stress the sadness the emotions

wont He pull me out of the bridge ive jumped off?

please

but i have to swim to His lifeboat first

and i dont know if i can because im just so weak

sad violin noises

i need Him

i need Him

i need Him

but im just

so

weak.

i think i love Him. i really think i do

do i secretly like drowning?

because i just want someone to love me. i want people to have a reason to care about me. to nurture me, to give me things.

i just want a hug

i want to be destroyed so that people finally start listening to me. instead of just waiting for their turn to get what they want

i want to breath my last breath in this water. just so my feelings are finally validated. by the ones standing at my grave and the ones looking at the news report saying “I wish I could’ve helped him”, the ones with tears saying “Why did I fail to understand him?”

i just want to be given a chance to be understood

nobody understands you until you show them why they should’ve understood you

imagine sad piano playing as someone gains awareness of all your problems and emotions and trauma. without you needing to convince them or show them evidence and text messages and security camera footage and call people

what would they do?

i dont know if they would hug me

or hit me

hit me and say “Everyone has these types of issues you disgusting egomaniac”

so then it wouldnt be sad piano. it would be the hero finally triumphing the villain

am i the villain here?

but all i want to be is broken

shattered into a million pieces and everyone rushes over to piece me back together

but im actually alone and i dont even have the strength to pray to God because i barely even believe in Him anymore

how can i believe in Him if i dont even believe myself

how can i trust Him if i cant trust the vessel

this is my temporary euphoria for the day

“just do your best because thats all anyone can do”

so whats the point

whats the point

id do my best and get successful and then what

im just here but its dimmed

i want it erased i want it gone

i dont want makeup i want accutane

stop telling me to do what worked for you because you didnt even realise what you were doing

and for that im so, so jealous

because you’re free because you cant see the prison bars, you can just mingle in the cell believing you’re free to leave whenever

but its too late for me to live in that paradise because i know too much honey

imprisoned in my own thoughts

i love you though

im lost and you’re trying to pull me back on the right path but your right path ends in a cliff but the cliff is invisible to the naked eye

the flowers bloom in beauty and they die

can i take anything with me to death?

i don’t want to obtain the next step in your instructions

i dont want to buy things for one dollar and sell them for two

its all bland and flavourless

its all fleeting

only one thing is forever and that thing is the possible existence of a God

i don’t care if im living in obscurity so stop saying that

i dont care if you’re even Napoleon

i don’t even wanna be a writer or poet because once i choose it its over before it started. we can’t choose what we want to do we can only do what we want to do. choosing ruins the electricity and choosing ruins the reasons we choose

but i dont want to bold my own text i want someone to do it for me

i dont want to work i want to write

i dont want to write i want to be free

i dont want to be free i just want to know what i want

i dont want you anymore because i dont want to lose you

im fine staying at the shore

but is the shore sadder than the swim back?

you can iron your clothes but you can never iron ceaselessness

that crinkle stays and will always be apparent

you can hide it with accessories but you will still brush against it time to time

and you’ll be despaired once again

or is it just me who has no accessories to use?

and i thank God every day that He wont give me any because its the only thing keeping me afloat

is being stuck under the water

i like this

the “Save and Publish” button is the only thing ive found that validates my despair

or can you help me?

God I thank you

for this despair because its what makes me feel alive

can you feel that?

even without a musician caressing instruments you can still feel joy, you dont need them

but i do

because when i have that in my ear i dont have any space for me to hate myself because i don’t have space to think

i dont have space to binge or make more and more mistakes and hate myself even more

its just silent. its just stoic

i don’t know how to love myself

i don’t know how i could love someone who drowns in their own misery, seeking attention and validation while rejecting real change.

i mooch off others, indulge in instant gratification, and push away those who try to help, all while resenting myself and my situation.

i obsess over my own misery because i have nothing greater to focus on.

im stuck in nihilistic paralysis.

wait a second

wait a second…

i feel like i have deep wisdom, but ive been tricking myself all this time

there’s no point on working hard because it’ll fade and only bring us temporary satisfaction

but stagnation is worse than struggle

okay but we’re gonna die anyway so why even build things if i can stay at the baseline

but the fact that life is temporary makes it valuable, not pointless. we should make the most of it right?

but but but-

NO

we dont need a reason to do things

we just need to do the things that give meaning

it’s discovered through action

but thats not enough to break my cell bars.

but what are you afraid of?

you dont have to have it all figured out

why do you seek validation?

because i just want someone to understand me

so..

why can’t that someone be yourself?

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

(Same anon as the Gonta-Kokichi-Miu comic post) That Gonta afterlife AU sounds really. (Btw, sorry for using capslock a lot in that post, I tried to cut some of it down after I'd already finished writing the post but there was too much in that post to do in like 5 minutes).

I wonder what the other dead v3 members would think about Alter Ego Gonta though. I can see the Alter Ego looking really mad when someone says that he "was just manipulated", "it's okay, you don't have to listen to him anymore", "I'll give you some time to catch up with your feelings about him!," and "Don't worry, I'll make sure he won't bother you until you want to confront him!". Imagine some of them thinking the reason the two Gontas can't reunite is cause they haven't expected they're manipulated.

It's not really a secret that the cast kinda hate Kokichi, even back in chapter 3 when the worst thing he'd done was the Insect Meet and Greet which even Kaito, in a roundabout way, admitted the idea of was good, no one thought to ask about his head wound (I headcanon that someone-Kiibo maybe- did a bit of first aid on him before the trial but we're sadly never gonna get clarification on that). Even Kirumi had to call him "a despicable cretin" before she died for no reason (well, there was a reason, but did the writers really have to include at least one line of every character hating on Kokichi?)

Though the people who hated him the most due to being there for chapter 4 are alive and well (Kiibo forgave him, Tsumugi gets no say in this matter she is worse, and Kaito kinda depends on who you ask and if they care about that one line he says about Kokichi right before his execution- which was actually changed to sound meaner in the localization I believe?). I can definitely see some people (Angie, Tenko, etc.) hating (or upgrading to despising) him when they learn about what he did in chapter 4 from Miu or someone else.

This would definitely lead to Gonta getting a free pass from everyone cause "it wasn't his fault," and Gonta just going along with everyone but wondering if maybe, just maybe he might have had a hand in planning Miu's death as well, arranging the whole thing. I mean, who really knows, Kokichi does but you can never be sure about the percentage of honesty in his claims. This leads Gonta right back to his Alter Ego, who, wouldn't you know it, has the answers and tells him to think back on his friendship with Kokichi, before the killing game got to their heads and took away their morals. And maybe, after he finishes doing this himself and offering an olive branch to Kokichi, he can convince some of his easier-going classmates to do the same (I now want someone to write an ao3 fic about this).

Anyway, this is just my vision for Afterlife Ougoku friendship. I would love to see more of this, or another, Afterlife AU though.

I will give Kirumi a pass, Kokichi did like, have her chase him for hours and constantly called her a name she hated, personal vendetta against kokichi acceptable when you are kirumi and he wont leave you the fuck alone with the mommy comments.

Honestly I am rotating the imagery of two Gonta ghosts, alter ego and memory loss, Ego and Loss for short and how they have to interact. Loss feels betrayed but also uncertain because of the things Ego said about not being tricked and things not adding up, but he's surrounded by people telling him he has never done anything wrong in his life and I love Gonta but he is a little terrible at peer pressure and not falling in with a crowd so Loss could get definitely talked more against Kokichi and trying to absolve himself of blame, even if he's always going to have that kind of sick feeling of being desperate for the acknowledgement you did something please someone see he did things wrong because you know you did but no one will face it and that hurts more, while Ego is frustrated but also isolating in that Gonta angst because he doesnt think he should share the information he got and he's angry that even in death his friends are still hating each other and he doesn't know how to fix it or what to do and he's blaming himself too much for the murder.

Like it doesn't even have to be ougoku this as just a character study of the facets of Gonta's personality is already fascinating and I am already thinking of duet songs for them