#Yes I don't care that people know I live in Ohio this state is a joke and so am I lol

[xxlordalexanderxx]

So, while I've recovered mostly and just dealing with a cough and gunk I'm really hankering to write. I got muse and all but the weather over here is getting ready to get real shitty. And knowing how suckfuck the powerlines here are, my net will get taken out and possibly my lights.

Should that happen expect another day or couple days of little to no activity. I will in the mean time work on owed replies and simply hold onto them until I can properly post and queue them up for later.

Also, if I'm entirely honest, I've been dealing with some personal stuff in the background that have kinda fucked me up for the time being. I want to write and draw but I also just want to lay down and stare at the ceiling for a while so I don't mind that minor hold up. I will, for a short time, be marking this blog down to moderate activity until the weather fully stabilizes and I can properly recompose myself enough to fully be here. Until then, be back later. Again.

Additional weather info below.

[exquisitepluviophile]

MISS AMERICA | CHAPTER III

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

series summary: you're steve's sister, and bucky barnes' girlfriend. and maybe also a supersoldier from the 40s

chapter summary: you say goodbye to bucky before he's shipped off to England, and you receive some news.

chapter warnings: little bit of joking about the possibility of stucky,

A/N: actually finished writing this because I got a 4.0 and felt like I should celebrate

series masterlist ♡ masterlist ♡ next chapter

Steve dejectedly stepped down from the platform in the army recruitment centre. Every guy that stood on it could actually envision themselves joining the army. Not Steve though; he wasn't even tall enough to see himself in the reflection of a soldier.

"Come on, you're kinda missing the point of a double date," Bucky said as he pushed Steve from behind. "I don't think you can call it a double date anymore, since Ruth ran off," you said pointedly. "We're going to get some drinks at the bar nearby, y'know to celebrate me leaving," Bucky told Steve.

"We're not celebrating that you're leaving James," you scolded. "Okay, doll, 'commemorating'. Is that better? Jeez, you sound like Ma," Bucky responded while you shook your head in annoyance.

"You guys go ahead, I'll catch up with you," Steve said, with his hands in his pocket.

"You really gonna do this again?"

"Well it's a fair; I'm gonna try my luck,"

"As who, Steve from Ohio?" You asked, the sarcasm evident. "They'll catch you." You took on a more caring tone.

"Or worse, they'll actually take you," Bucky stated, unabashedly showing his concern and worry for his friend.

"Who needs parents when they have you two..." Steve muttered, his words unheard by the pair. "Look, I know you two don't think I can do this-"

"This isn't a back alley Steve." Bucky said, his annoyance with Steve's stubbornness rising. "It's war!"

"I know it's a war-"

"Why are you so keen to fight?" You asked him, not understanding why someone would put themselves in so much danger willingly. "There are so many important jobs!"

"What do you want me to do? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?" Steve asked sarcastically.

"Yes! Why not?!"

"I'm not going to sit in a factory Bucky-"

"I don't-"

"Bucky! Come on, there are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them," Steve argued.

"But-" you tried to reason with Steve.

"You get to help people like Ma, you're a nurse. The least I could do is help the country by fighting for it like Pa," Steve continued." That's what you don't understand. This isn't about me."

"Right, cause you've got nothing to prove."

"We should go, your Ma asked us to be back for dessert," you said while you tugged on Bucky's sleeve, not willing to see them so hostile towards each other.

Bucky relented as he started stepping backwards. "Don't do anything stupid until I get back."

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you," Steve joked.

That put a smile on Bucky's face. "You're a punk," he said as he went in for a hug. "Jerk."

Most weren't as lucky as you were, to have a brother who didn't want to fight who they were dating (at least most of the time). You were frankly glad that they were best friends.

"Take care of my girl while I'm gone would ya?" Bucky said as he walked over to you and fit his hand around your waist. "Hey, she was my sister first before she was your girlfriend," Steve challenged.

You all snickered at that. "Steve make sure you don't stay up too late missing Bucky after he's gone; he's my boyfriend not yours," you smiled.

"Don't win the war until I get there!"

Bucky did a salute to Steve as he turned around to walk with you to his house. You loved going to his house, and his parents loved you. Winifred, or Winnie as she asked you to call her, treated you and Steve like her own children, being Steve's secondary pillar of support after your mother's death. Bucky had three younger sisters, but he was closest to Rebecca, the youngest. Becca idolised Bucky, and wanted to be just like her big brother. Her and Bucky's age gap of 16 years was never a problem when she wanted him to play dolls with him when she was younger. Becca adored you too, Bucky joking that she liked you more than she liked him. With Bucky's two other younger sisters, Marjorie and Betty, busy with high school, you were the most available to talk to her or braid her hair.

Bucky knocked at the door, the smell of freshly baked mock cherry pie wafting through the door. "Looks like she made your favourite dessert," you smiled as Becca opened the door.

"Look what the cat dragged in," she said as she stepped to the side to let you two in. "So excited to see me," Bucky laughed as he ruffled her hair. As you walked through the hallway that led to the main living room, memories of Steve chasing you through them flooded through your mind. With your mother busy at the hospital trying to make ends meet, Winnie always made sure you two had food to eat and a roof over your heads. Literally. When the roof of your cheap rental house collapsed, she was the one to offer the three of you the spare room. You remembered having dinner here the day before you left to Connecticut to stay with your aunt and Winnie barely let you go the whole evening.

"Dessert's almost ready. You two have fun at the expo?" George Barnes asked his son as he closed the book he was reading. "I'd spend eternity watching paint dry if she was next to me," Bucky replied as he sat down on the plush couch. Mr Barnes chuckled. "Young love... Your Ma and I were like this too." A scarlet blush formed on you cheeks. "I'll go inside to see if Winnie needs help with anything." you walked away and into the kitchen, beckoning Becca to join you.

"Are you going to marry Jamie?" Becca asked, her innocent eyes sparkling right up at you. You choked on air. Indeed, you two had brought up the idea some time before, but with him leaving for England, you hadn't put any thought into it. "Maybe once the war's over."

"There you are! I haven't seen you in ages. James is always keeping you for himself and never bringing you over," Winnie said as she gave you a hug that could have made up for all those years you hadn't seen her after going to Connecticut. She handed you two plates of mock cherry pie and asked if you could bring them out to the living room.

You mostly ate in silence as Winnie asked Bucky if he had packed everything.

"I'll really miss you Jamie."

"I'll miss you too Beck," Bucky said, or at least you thought he did. He was busy stuffing his mouth with Mock Cherry Pie. "Bucky, nobody's going to take the plate away from you. Slow down," You said with a laugh.

These moments were so domestic. Ones that you'd look back on if Bucky ever- no, that wouldn't happen. Bucky would return home after the war and you would get married and get a nice house far away from busy New York. With a cat maybe. Bucky had always wanted a cat; a white fluffy one.

While these thoughts occupied your mind all the way home, you saw a crinkled letter outside you and Steve's tiny apartment. "I'm not even gone yet and you're already getting love letters," Bucky, who had offered to walk you home because "It's too dangerous for a pretty girl to be walking the streets alone at night", joked.

After scoffing at his comment and playfully punching him in the stomach, you skimmed through the letter. "They've stationed me at Camp Lehigh. Y'know, as a nurse for those poor people training."

"That's great doll. At least I can send my letters there to make sure everyone knows you're taken," Bucky teased.

Letters.

L-e-t-t-e-r-s, you mentally tried to spell out.

The simplest thing that every soldier wrote to whoever they were in love with while they were off at war. You couldn't have that same pleasure.

"Bucky, why bother sending me letters when you know I can't read them."

"Then I'll paint you the most beautiful paintings and send them to you if that's what it takes for you to see how much I'll miss you."

"What are you going to paint them with? You won't have paint where you're going."

"I'll paint 'em with my blood."

"You're so dramatic."

"You love it," Bucky said as he pushed open the door of your apartment.

"Finally, you decided to open the door. I was getting bored of listening to Mr Barnes being all sappy with his girlfriend," Steve said from the frayed couch.

"It's Sergeant Barnes to you, punk,"

"Yeah yeah, I'll miss you too Bucky,"

"I'll miss you James," You said as you put your hand to his cheek. "Don't call me that. I'm Bucky. Your Bucky. Always."

-

word count: 1.4k

tagged: @your-local-questioning-agender

[meadow-dusk]

i’m sure you’ve answered this before but how did you get into neil? ❤️

hi Anon, yes I have answered before but don't worry. I never get tired of talking about him, or telling this story.

Unlike a lot of people I know who did the opposite, I came to Neil through CSNY. The path leading to them becoming so significant in my life has to do with a mixture of things, including broadening musical interests (thanks to things like the Echo in the Canyon documentary, re-learning acoustic guitar, and an intense period I refer to as Led Zeppelin Renaissance of 2020), personal upheavals (switching jobs, being physically isolated during the first quarantine), and the state of the world. And it was a scary time: COVID was still taking lives but people seemed to stop caring, there were BLM protests happening in every major US city (many handled with violence), the upcoming election threatened another term of injustices and human rights violations, and with all this, media coverage of the declining climate condition was sparse. While all these things weighed heavy on my mind, the latter was the only thing I felt like I could do anything about. I had recently made a promise to myself to live as sustainably as possible, including changing my diet, the companies I supported, and materials I kept in my home.

Anyway, on July 1, 2020 (a date I will never forget), I happened to hear this song while I was exercising that morning. This version, to be exact. I remember being taken aback not only by what a good song it was but how intensely it was being delivered. That day, I took a break around midday and went for a walk, bringing along CSNY's So Far compilation album for company. I remember the route I took. I remember how thick the humidity hung in the air. I remember being moved specifically by tracks like "Helplessly Hoping," "Wooden Ships," "Helpless"...and when I finally got back and heard the familiar "Woodstock" I was immensely satisfied.

"Ohio" followed me that summer. I kept hearing it, everywhere.... then I learned what it was about, and it felt like it mirrored the times I was living in, like an echo from fifty years prior. Still, I didn't fully commit to being a "CSNY fan" for a very long time, because they were so new. I had been a "fan" of other bands for a decade, so these guys had a lot to prove. But they soon did. Towards the end of July, I heard this one on a Sunday morning run. It blew my mind. Do I have to explain?

After that, they were pretty much around for good. I usually celebrate Woodstock weekend by listening to a playlist of songs by the performers. CSNY was the shining star in my heart that year - I spent all the intervening time just hoping they would come on next. Because their performance wasn't available on that particular streaming platform, the playlist creator filled in other live versions of the songs they did when possible. One of them was this version of "Mr. Soul." And that's when I started to realize not only was Neil musically talented and politically aware, but he was funny.

um stay tuned. I'll add more.

[insectbah]

I found some interesting views about non-parents on J.D. Vance's Wikipedia page and thought I'd share.

From the section "Women's Roles and Rights" (though this obviously applies to anyone regardless of gender):

Vance has been called a natalist or pro-natalist due to his support for the traditional nuclear family, the institution of marriage, and the importance of an active role for the state in encouraging and enabling family-formation and raising the national fertility rate.[129][130][131][132] In a 2021 speech to the Intercollegiate Studies Institute, Vance blamed "the childless left" for America's woes, accusing it of lacking a "physical commitment to the future of this country."[133] He praised conservative Hungarian prime minister Viktor Orbán for encouraging married couples to have children and said that parents should "have a bigger say in how democracy functions" than non-parents.[133] Vance said, "We should worry that in America, family formation, our birth rates, a ton of indicators of family health have collapsed", and asked, "Why can't we actually promote family formation?"[134] He further asked, "Why is this just a normal fact of … life, for the leaders of our country to be people who don't have a personal and direct stake in it via their own offspring?"[134] Vance argued that "The fact that we're not having enough babies, the fact that we're not having enough children, is a crisis in this country. It's a crisis because it makes our media more miserable. It's a crisis because it doesn't give our leaders enough of an investment in the future of their country. And it's a crisis because we know that babies are good […] A country that has children is a healthy country that's worth living in. We care about children because we're not sociopaths and we don't want to live in a society of sociopaths."[135]

I was curious about the quote that parents should have more of a say in democracy that non-parents, so I looked at the source:

From that speech:

“The Democrats are talking about giving the vote to 16-year-olds,” Vance said. “Let’s do this instead. Let’s give votes to all children in this country, but let’s give control over those votes to the parents of the children. Asking if such a move would “mean that non-parents don’t have as much of a voice as parents” and “that parents get a bigger say in how democracy functions”, Vance said that though he expected criticism from “the Atlantic and the Washington Post and all the usual suspects”, the answer was yes.

[thebookofagma]

continued...

Silas. Your grandma Becky is an amazing woman. During family gatherings Becky and I would slip away out to the garage and smoke Virginia slims together. Take note of your grandma Becky's patience, compassion and reason. Becky never holds grudges and if you live your life the same way you will lighter and freer. Happy. I miss Becky very very much. Grandpa Jim is a business man with a very high IQ. He provides for all of his family and more importantly he's a good man. You should listen and learn everything from him that you can. His family needs him. He's a hard worker and if he can do a job himself he will. He re did the outside of the family's deck by himself. He makes amazing skyline chili and is a die hard Ohio State fan so im sure you will be watching the games with him. He is also a man of god. I went to church, Sunday school and confirmation while I was growing up. I was confirmed catholic but never lived my life through it. I felt as if when I stepped into the world I was completely alone. Completely alone. For god so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. Maybe if I had actually read, learned and lived through the bible I would've ended up different? No. I made my choices. "He who keeps his mouth will keep his life. He who open his lips too wide will bring forth his own destruction." Proverbs 13 - 3.

Always respect aunt Kenzie and uncle Jake. Kenzie has her fathers wisdom and her mother's heart. She will be a great aunt to help you with your homework you cant figure out. Her and Jake will be the "fun" uncle and aunt when you're a little older. Your cousins, William and Jameson, will be great older cousins that will protect you and keep you sage. I have a feeling Quinley will want to help take care of you. I always that her and Jets palpable energy was contagious. Both of them were always my two favorites. Your aunt Brittany and uncle Joe helped raise and take care of all of your cousins growing up so they both deserve supreme respect from you at all time. Actually... Brittany and Kenzie did most of the hard work now that I think about it... HAHA just kidding Jake and Joe.

Although I don't know your aunt Maddie on a personal level but I have an odd feeling she will make for a really cool aunt. Your uncle Kyle and his cousins Andrew and Nick were friends I strongly admired growing up. We will get to those stories at some point. Uncle Kyle can teach you to defend yourself against bullies. He was always a great friend and with out doubt always the life of the party. He is a great uncle to have and you should be very thankful.

My mother, grandma Bea, is the most amazing woman on the planet Silas. She and my father gave me an amazing life. I grew up in the same town you are being raised in. Waconia Minnesota. Ahhh yes. It's a safe and quite honestly a cozy caring community for you to grow up in. I've seen much worse. If my mother and father hadn't brought me to Waconia from South Korea I would have never met your mother and you would've never been born. My mother was robbed an amazing son that she deserved. Always love Grandma Bea twice as much. Always give her two big hugs, one for you and one for me. Please Silas. When you see her always remind her that I love her.

Your aunt Karrie is my only sister. Karrie will love you so much to the point where you wont even need me. Your aunt Karrie was always more brave than me, smarter than me, grew up faster than me and was much more responsible than me. I was horrible to her because I envied her little king. I was immature and selfish. When your aunt Karrie is around, I promise you, you will be safe.

Your grandpas Ken is the smartest man i've ever met and i've met alot of people Silas. He is a great man. When I was young I wanted to be him. The reason we grew distant is because he doesn't understand the man i've become and why I do the things I do. The truth is, I don't understand myself either, but I understand everyone else around me. My father gets along and is respected by every person he meets, but i'm the only other human he has conflict with. I am the only one. Sometimes Silas, we fear what is impossible to understand. I've told horrible lies about my father and none them were true. He is the greatest dad I could ever ask for and he is a good at everything. He knows the young me well, so he will be very observant of you and have great advice towards things you should do depending on what your strengths are. But always, do what you want, not what other people want you to do. Everything to achieve nothing to prove little king. Silas. You are extremely special. More than you know. You will bring happiness to those around you effortlessly. Help creating you was my purpose. My gift back to my family and your mothers. My father is the best man and husband this world has seen. Be thankful to have him in your life.

Your mother is the strongest, most generous, empathetic and amazing person. Not girl. Person. She has a fire inside her that is fgar too strong to burn out. A lot of men will want to take that fire from her but they wont be able to because your mother is too strong. A lot of people are intimidated by her the first time they meet her. I know I was. She was an adventure of happiness and sadness and all of the love that got lost in between. She has the power to make me laugh and fall apart in the same 24 hours. Allison... I know you will take care of him. He is special. You're surrounded by amazing people who you can rely on, both yours and my family. Your journey will be filled with less virulent pain without me in it. You deserve someone truly great. A partner who never makes you question your self worth. Someone who chases your happiness as much as their own. Who supports your passions. I hope you find someone you can laugh with, sit in silence with and share your deepest secrets with. A lover, a partner, and a friend all in one. Someone who treats you as their equal, who learns and grows with and beside you. Someone who respects your heart, family and your values. I hope you find someone who reminds you that you deserve the love you guve. A far greater person then I am capable of becoming. I kill myself while thinking about you and Silas. I've tried so hard to change but failed and now is at the end. Im broken. Trying to heal. Im lost. Always remember the 100 things. Unrequited love forever.

Silas. Love makes us both happy and sad, and not a living person has been able to understand why. You know, the world is tired, and the only wealth we have left is love. On that note, here is my true life story. Anyone has the option to stop reading now. ( pages 5, 6, 7) End chapter

[shelby-love]

HANK VOIGHT

Dating the Big Boss.

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warning(s): mentions of r*pe and p*dophilia (it's a tough case)

Author's note: I had a lot of fun writing this one. Especially since everyone is a lot older so I could play with maturity a little. Hope you enjoyed and sorry for the long wait! I'm just starting to get back to writing.

~

"What's up with him?" Erin whispered when she saw Voight barge into the unit's personal quarters. Hank didn't look at any of them as he strode into his office with a frown on his face.

He was angry, that's for sure.

Still hot on his tail, your senior detective self arrived right on que with him. Every pair of eyes was on you, knowing that you were the only one who had magic to calm him. You waved your hands, dismissing their burning questions all at once. You just crossed your fingers for them all to see and walked into your lover's office without knocking.

"Hank let's talk about this," You approached him carefully.

"There's nothing to talk about here Y/N."

"Yes, there is." You sat at the edge of his desk casually, although your heart was still racing upon hearing the news delivered to you this morning. "We have a serial rapist and pedophile out there. It's okay to be affected by it honey."

"Well I don't have any leads on this case," He told you strictly, although the anxiety was visible on his shoulders. He had his back turned to you and face focused on the city in front of him. The wheels turning and working in his brain were practically visible for the whole world to see.

"Then maybe we should look into our contacts and see who can help us," You proposed quietly. "This is far from over Hank. We can still turn this around."

You could see him nod, which instantly calmed you down. "Come here."

He, as surprising as it may sound, listened to your words, and walked over to your arms.

He placed his rough hands on your thighs while you ran your hands over his arms soothingly. Eventually your cold hands grasped his face as you gave him a soft look, "Do you want me to brief the team?"

"Thank you," You giggled, still not used to those words leaving his mouth.

The two of you shared a kiss before you left him alone with his thoughts to brief the team. Upon joining them you felt tension rise again, it made you remember what you were meant to do at that moment. "Is he alright?" Erin asked you quietly. You only managed to nod your head before ushering her to her seat.

Then you took a stand in front of them, a file filled with gore pictures secure in your hand. "A few days ago we found a female that was beaten, raped and murdered just outside the Riverwalk area. She was found in a dumpster just outside the Belle Hotel. Roughly 9 years old and unfortunately not the only case."

You spoke with authority that matched Voight's to a certain level. As a senior to all of them it was your job to deliver the details loud and clear. "There have been a few more cases similar to this one. Brody Thompson declared as missing just over a week ago was found two days ago in an area like this one. His left pinky was cut of just like the first victim's..." You placed a picture of a little boy on the board.

"Same MO?" Erin asked, scribbling things vigorously into her notepad. You nodded sadly.

"Are all of the victims children?" Burgess asked from the other side of the room. When you bobbed your head to her in confirmation you could practically see the heartbreak that struck her.

"We believe that we're dealing with a serial rapist and pedophile." You sighed.

"The MO is unique, and it doesn't look like he's been very careful with where he dumps the bodies," Jay notes. "It should be easy to find him since he's bound to make a mistake."

"That's where it gets tricky," You tell him, appreciating his quickness in noticing the details. "These are only cases reported in Chicago within the last few weeks. If we expand the search, which we did, there are dozens of other reported cases all around Ohio, Virginia, Rhode Island and lastly… New York."

A cool cloak of silence fell over the room once you've finished marking the spots. "Some date back to 10 years so we're looking for someone in his early to mid-forties. Maybe even older. Virginia State Police was only able to give us cases within the last 5 years, and we've hit four matches so far."

"Why are they handing the case to us? NYPD should be able to handle this." It was Alvin who had asked that question to which you opened your mouth to answer immediately.

But Hank, your boyfriend and partner, was quicker.

"Because we're the most qualified to do it," He explained, voice booming across the room. He joined your side and placed his hand on your hip; it was that after all, only the members of this very unit knew about you two. "Now, I've pulled out some old contacts from New York. They should be arriving here on the first jet they get their hands on. Until then I want you guys everywhere."

When his gaze slid to yours a twinkle of determination shone within his irises, "Let's get this son of a bitch."

***

"Sargent Benson," you greet the woman that just descended the stairs of the jet. The only people on the tarmac are the two of you and the officers you brought here. "Thank you for coming on a such short notice."

"Voight sounded stressed when he called. Is he alright?" She asked you quietly, matching your footing and walking toward the black SUV next to you.

You shook your head, "This case has been really hard on us is all. It's not every day we have cases like this one."

"Well, our job isn't pretty." She agreed. "Rape cases are already hard on their own."

"But when it's kids…"

"Do you have kids, detective?"

"None that are my own."

"Then I guess you're lucky."

"I suppose so."

***

The drive back to the district wasn't all that comfortable. Benson carried an air of importance around her that would get some rookies sweating with nerves.

Decades in this line of work showed just how good of a match you were for her.

"Hey Trudy," You greeted your friend in passing. Benson was hot on your heels as you lead her upstairs.

Upon reaching your destination you felt her walk straight pass you into Hank's arms. She brushed her hand against the lapels of his jackets when she asked him how he was doing. You felt your chest rise with jealousy but that diminished quickly when you saw him lead her to his office.

"You're not seeing that?"

"Seeing what Jay?"

The younger man narrowed his eyes at you, "She's obviously into him."

You sent him a glare. "We're not kids Jay, we're adults that lived long enough to see what's worthy being petty about and what's not."

"If you say so."

You rolled your eyes, but still went to retrieve your man, nevertheless.

***

You knocked twice before Voight let you in. "Sorry detective, this is a private conversation."

It was Benson who had told you this. You fought an eyebrow that wanted to rise.

"Y/N runs this unit as much as I do," Your boyfriend interfered. "She can stay."

You smiled, that not being able to suppress. "What do you have?"

"A possible location," She told you, still eerie about you being there.

You perked your eyes at that, taking your usual seat in Voight's office. Hank came to stand behind your chair, hands on the back of it. Olivia eyed you quietly and came to retrieve some papers. With her back turned to you both you turned your head, eyes travelling to Voight. Silently, you asked about what was going on. He only shook his head and pressed his hand against your shoulder, rubbing it in comfort.

Olivia saw the interaction and raised her brow.

***

You held your M16 in your hands securely. Officers were bustling all around you, greeting you in passing. The house in front of you looked like a fortress having god knows what protecting it. "We don't go in by force. There are still kids inside."

While the members of your unit nodded in agreement, a few voiced their distaste.

"We go in now. Cut off his ability to retaliate."

"I understand Olivia, but-"

"Sergeant."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm your sergeant. Let's keep it that way."

You gritted your teeth, seemingly offended by the fact that she had used the chain of command to put you in your place.

"My sergeant is Voight. I answer only to him," You corrected her. "I just want those kids to come out of there alive, and that's not going to be possible if we barge in. He'll panic. Kill them instantly."

"Why don't you go in then?" She proposed. "Scope and give us inside information so we can work our way around it. You find the kids and let us do the rest."

You thought about it. "I need –"

"Nothing." Your sergeant appeared by your side, eyes hard and body as still as a rock. Unlike Benson, you could see his anger. You almost reached out to calm him. "You're not doing it."

"This could be our shot." You told him.

He only shook his head, "Trust me it's not. A word, sergeant?"

She nodded and followed him.

You watched as the distance became bigger.

Jay and Adam came to stand next to you, Adam at your right side and Jay at your left.

"Holy hell." Adam muttered.

"She almost got you killed." Jay commented after him.

"Holy hell indeed guys."

***

"Hank I'm trying to do right by these kids!"

"The hell you are," Hank outright yelled at her. As the only person at the scene that had guts to stand up to her, he took the chance to put her in her place. "The way I see it you want Y/N in direct danger with no back up."

She stayed silent.

"You don't get to boss around my unit. Especially not my most trusted detective."

"Oh, come on Hank." She sighed, not quite believing what she was hearing.

"You're here to assist. The case is still mine so don't get ahead of yourself."

And with that, he left her to be.

"We're waiting for him. SWAT is on standby."

You smiled gratefully at him before mouthing a thank you.

***

"You did great today," You complimented him, smiling from ear to ear. All the children that went missing within the last few weeks have been found alive. Wounded yes, but alive. And the man was, much to your satisfaction, shot dead when he tried to run. By none other than yourself. Being able to put down a monster like him brought you satisfaction.

It brought Hank pride too.

He pulled you in by the hip and rested your back against the wall. Chicago was lightly lit up outside, bringing peaceful atmosphere to the district. Your fingers brushed against his rigid jawline; eyes locked with his.

Kisses between you two were shared ever so often at work. While you would both usually leave to the privacy of your home, today was a day you both needed reassurances immediately.

Your lips were pressed together and moving in a way possible for only people with experience.

When someone opened the door without knocking, you pushed him away in fright. Hank didn't even stumble as he narrowed his eyes at the person who had intruded.

"Sergeant Benson?!" You shrieked, cheeks flushing a bright red.

"It all makes sense now." She mused.

MASTERLIST

[hellafiedgangstalean]

Big Words Don't Lie

via

No one knows what the Emoluments Clause is, because nobody knows what the fuck an emolument is.

Emolument is not a regular-conversation word like burrito or Kardashian. Emolument is fancy term for money earned from holding a position or title. 

The Emolument Clause is Article I, Section 9, Clause 8 of the United States Constitution (a fancy term for rules the country is required to follow). It says members of the government cannot receive money from leaders of other countries. 

For example, if the president wanted to host the G7 Summit (fancy word for a meeting with foreign leaders) at a hotel he or she owns, he or she could be in violation of that law because the president would be profiting directly off the presidency. 

In a move to avoid violating the Emolument Clause, one former president famously put his peanut farm into an independent trust while he was in office so that no one in his family could be affected by profits or losses while he was president. The rule was put in place to limit foreign influence (fancy term for swampiness) in American politics. 

Emoluments are the glaring weaknesses of a republic (fancy word for country that doesn’t have a king). Those are not my words; they’re Alexander Hamilton’s in The Federalist Papers. Federalist is a fancy word for states united under a central government. 

It’s up to the people to decide how they feel about laws, so you might think it makes sense to name them in a way that allows the average citizen to better understand what they are. The problem is it’s very easy to mislead the average citizen - and lawmakers have done exactly that with these simplified naming conventions, whether it’s passing the Patriot Act which isn’t patriotic at all, or the Affordable Care Act which took the world’s most expensive healthcare and made it more accessible. 

I thought about Emoluments today while watching people protesting the sweeping actions in Ohio that have significantly reduced the transmission of the COVID19 virus in the state, effectively flattening the curve as well as or better than any other state. 

Specifically, this sign:

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Yes, he spelled Constitution wrong - misspelled signage is practically required by law at every uninformed protest. You could say it’s in the Contitution. 

At this point in the pandemic, there are probably two reasons for not knowing that COVID19 can’t be solved by only quarantining the sick, because this disease can be passed from a One Person Who Feels Just Fine onto Dozens of People at the Office without HR knowing anything about it. 

The first is willful ignorance (a fancy term for flaunting that you are a dumbass). The governor of Georgia doesn’t even live 20 minutes from the Centers for Disease Control (a series of buildings filled with smart people whose entire focus is to control diseases, like COVID19) and he said, on television, that he didn’t know.  He was flaunting that he is a dumbass.  

But the second reason may be a vocabulary deficiency (fancy term for not knowing what some words mean) and that could just be an innocent information gap. No one knows every word in their first language. English has a million words in it, and in 2020 we’re only using about 170,000 of them - like burrito (Spanish, actually, for little donkey) and Kardashian (Armenian for stone carver).  

You probably know about 20,000 words. Asymptomatic Transmission might be two of them! And English words can be confusing; asymptomatic transmission looks like something you would hear during a car commercial. 

Asymptomatic Transmission is a fancy way of saying 1) someone with cooties 2) who might not realize they have cooties 3)  could give other people their cooties. HIV is passed around like that, but that virus requires intimacy for transmission.  

COVID19 isn’t nearly as sexy. You can get it from a close talker. A regular talker. A handshaker. A salt shaker. COVID19 is very easy to catch, and even though most people survive it, so many people either don’t or require medical help that it can tear down our entire system for healthcare delivery.

Like other coronaviruses, COVID19 doesn’t make any loud beeping sounds or give you a second head if you catch it. The disease appears to be spread around mostly by people who do not even know they have it. They are without symptoms, or asymptomatic. 

And that really sucks, because it means the best way to slow this phantom down is to practice social distancing (fancy term for wear sweatpants, watch bad television, lie awake in bed every night and gain two pounds every day). I had never heard the words Social Distancing in that sequence until this year - and I’ve worked in healthcare for most of my career, spanning other epidemics and pandemics. 

This one is different. Viruses don’t care about election years, paychecks, baseball season or birthday parties. They’re assholes. You beat them by playing to their weaknesses, not ours. 

It’s understandable why people are frustrated about life grinding to a halt while they feel well enough to exercise their Contitutional Writes but we have enough recorded history to know exactly how pandemics stop rolling through the world and enough current science to tackle this one. 

I don’t know all one million English words, but I do know that there are rarely any simple or elegant solutions to complicated problems. Maybe instead of using Big Accurate Words or Simple Misleading Ones - we could do society a service by having better messaging on behalf of experts. 

Public trust is shattered, and the Americans’ general comprehension of *gestures broadly at everything* could use an upgrade. Messaging in 2020 seems to be sourced out of a machine that’s meant to be polarizing (fancy word for designed to get you to click or watch more to drive up advertising rates) while we slowly die from Both Sidesism, breathlessly giving equal platforms and legitimacy to Altruistic Evidence-Based Perspectives and Dangerously Stupid Emotional Outbursts - because fairness is vital to a thriving republic in the Information Age.

It’s up to the media to embrace those big words, explain them clearly and honestly, lay out the genuine, informed sides to a debate while disqualifying the contributions of grifters. Dunning-Kruger live-action cartoon characters are too entertaining to ever go out of syndication. Being dumb, loud and confident is reliably good television. It’s usually great internet. It’s always a bad source of guidance. The topic doesn’t matter. 

There’s no legitimate debate to how COVID19 can be defeated, but there’s plenty of discussion to how to responsibly emerge from social distancing and containment measures. And there’s an enormous opportunity to re-engineer how we communicate information, laws, perspectives and developments en masse (fancy term for to all of us). 

I have little confidence of this happening in my lifetime, but hey - it’s fun to imagine while I try to remember what the inside of a tavern looks like. We might end up less afraid of what we don’t know. Perhaps we would understand each other a little better. 

And maybe we could finally learn what an Emolument is.

[lucisfavoritedemon]

Not Another Flower to be Picked

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warnings: Language, feeling worthless, pent up anger, angst, slight fluff, a very fierce female main character (yes it's a warning), season 13/14 spoilers.

Word Count: 1881

A/N: Written for @atc74 Fierce Females of Fanfiction Challenge.

She had been living on her own for a long time. She knew how to take care of herself. She could survive days out in the that world and could never be seen. She thought that the camp would make a good temporary home for a while.

She was more in danger there, than she was anywhere. Angels always attacking, always moving, it was a life she couldn't lead. She would still visit though for a while.

A fierce woman who didn't want to stay put. Bobby always called her the flower that was hard to find. If you found it you have luck for all eternity.

The last time she went to the camp was the last time she ever saw that wretched place. For two brothers came and ripped her from its grip.

She didn't mind it though for she had seen the older one before in this world. She had seen him suddenly appear in a orangish warp. She was intrigued by him, so she did what she knew best. She followed wherever he went. She knew how to make herself go unnoticed.

Then the Angels spotted them and all hell broke lose. She was sure he was done for. She knew a recipe to help heal him of his wound.

She slipped the paper to the other man with him. And it worked. Deep down she knew she saved his life, but he would never know.

She knew how she felt towards the man, and she didn't try to hide it either. If you hid your feelings you were a coward. And she made that very clear to him which prompted him into asking her out.

Though the glory of the moment was soon shattered when Michael and Lucifer showed up.

The young Nephilim was able to hold his own with Michael, until Lucifer took his grace and vanished with him and Sam in tow.

Dean was so desperate to save them he did the unthinkable. He let Michael take over. And thus was lost to her for what she was forever.

~*~

"I'm going out I'll be back soon." She called from the entrance stairs.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sam said walking up behind her.

"I told you out."

"Not happening."

"But I..."

"No buts Y/n you know the rules."

"I can take care of myself you know?"

"I get that, but..."

"Do you Sam do you? I have spent my entire life running and fighting things that go bump in the night one tiny nest of vamps aren't gonna kill me. I've taken on dozens of nests at once by myself."

"I get that, but it's far too dangerous to be out on your own. Please just go back to your room or to the library. I need you doing what you do best."

"What I do best is hunting Sam. I know you say you get it but I really don't think you do."

"Please you are no good to us dead, so please just stay in the Bunker?"

"Fine, but only because I know you will never drop it until I do."

"Thank you. I actually have a favor to ask of you."

"What's that?"

"Do more research on the bodies found by that railroad in Ohio. We need more info on them."

"Let me guess, you Mary and Bobby are going to Duluth because it could be a possible lead on Dean?"

"Okay fine yes, but I need you here handling things while I'm gone. Can you do that for me?"

"Fine. On one condition."

"Name it."

"Next hunt no matter what you take me with. One hunt that's all I'm asking for."

"I can do that."

"'Kay I'll call you from the road if there are anymore leads, or anything suspicious."

"Thank you."

"No problem, oh and Sam?" Sam looked over his shoulder acknowledging her, "bring him home if you can."

"I will try my best Y/n."

Sam then gathered the remainder of his stuff and headed towards the garage. Y/n was left alone on for the tenth time since she had been living at the Bunker. She didn't care anymore if she was not following orders. Back in her world the only orders she followed was her own. She needed to take care of the nest ASAP or more people were going to die.

"Where do you think you're going?" Cas sneaked up behind her as she finished packing her duffle.

"Doesn't matter. Something that I need to take care of. Since our fearless leader won't do it."

"I know you don't mean that."

"I do Castiel. I do mean it. Innocent people are dying and I'm going to help them. If you dare call Sam and tell him I left I won't ever come back, and you won't be able to track me done either."

She then ran out of the room and up the stairs leaving the Bunker.

It took her 3 hours to drive, track, and kill the entire nest of vamps. She was proud of herself for she still had it in her. She never let herself get to cocky for that is letting your guard down.

She was back at the Bunker before anyone ever realized she was gone. Or so she hoped.

"Thank god you're alright." Cas said as she entered the Bunker.

"Of course I'm okay why?"

"Because Sam called from the road. Marry, Bobby, and he were tracking down Michael and there were Werewolves waiting for them. The thing is silver didn't kill them."

"Oh great he super freaked these monsters too. That's the last thing I need."

"What do you mean?" Cas looked at me still as confused.

"Michael juices monsters up with the perfect amount of grace. Just enough for them to become more powerful. Back home it was a select few, here it seems like every monster is gonna become that way."

"That's not good."

"No because they become harder to kill. Some even harder to identify."

"Great that is the last thing we need."

"What's the last thing we need?" Sam asked as he walked into the bunker.

"Powered up monsters that are harder to kill, and harder to identify." Cas answered for her.

"Great that is the last thing we need, but I do have a surprise for you Y/n."

"Sam I swear if you got me another freaking Bluetooth headset I'm gonna personally kill you myself."

"No, it's..."

Just then a man in a tux vest, white button up, and black pants walks in the room. Y/n knew this man, and was so thankful to have him back.

"How did you get him back from Michael?"

"Michael let me go sweet heart."

"No, I don't trust it. I don't trust him."

"Don't worry it's me, I promise."

"Okay...whatever you say Deano." She was hesitant though around him. She knew how Michael worked and Michael would just let his vessel walk away.

Dean went to change out of what was left of his tuxedo, while Sam stayed out to question Y/n about her whereabouts.

"So how was research?"

"It was good I didn't find anything suspicious about the bodies, but looks like Michael was behind it."

"Yeah trying to create the perfect weapon for his army apparently."

"That doesn't sound good."

"Yeah it's not. Plus you have already known that had you been around here when I told Cas. So where did you go?"

"You know what I am tired of always sitting on the sidelines waiting to help but never getting to because you are worried about me. Well news flash Winchester. I was doing totally fine on my own with no one but me. I'm sure I could handle a tiny best of vamps, and I did. No back up no nothing."

"You promised me you would stay put."

"I know, but I couldn't just sit around while our fearless leader was chasing something that can't be reality. Dean was gone. I was willing to accept that why couldn't you?"

"Because he's my brother!"

She knew that once Michael had people they were gone. There was no saving them.

"I'm out here. Time to move on." She stated grabbing her duffle from under the table.

"You're going to break his heart."

"It's better than still seeing a monster I stand him to turn into. It will happen Sam. Trust me."

Just like that she was gone. On her own again. She ached from not having Dean by her side, but she couldn't stand to have him dangled in her face. She couldn't show Michael that he was her weakness. She had to stay strong to survive.

~*~

"I told you boys about that girl. She is feisty, but good to have around. She is lucky." Bobby informed them.

"You keep saying that, but where is the luck?" Sam asked not seeing where Bobby was going.

"She is rare. She had never allowed herself to love because of how she has learned to survive on her own. But she isn't to be toyed with either. She may not show it but she is sensitive. One wrong move and she's gone. Without a trace."

"We could track her down though..."

"Good luck with that." A voice rang through the ears of all three of the men.

"Y/n?" Dean looked astonished like he was seeing things.

"Hi ya Deano."

"I thought you were gone forever?"

"Not forever just temporary."

"Good. Are you here to stay?"

"On a few conditions."

"Name 'em."

"I go on hunts more often, I will not be another flower to be picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild, difficult to find, and impossible to forget."

"Got it. You have a deal."

"Dean?"

"Sam I lost her once I'm not losing her again. If she wants to go on more hunts let her. I know why you kept her here, but I trust her."

"Fine, but if one thing goes wrong I put my foot down on her going anymore."

"Sam? I know you're scared of losing me, but they me I have been surviving in that world my whole life. Even before Michael took over. I have always been on my own. I know how to fend for myself. If something happens it'll be my fault. I have learned to keep my guard up. Never let it down. I will be careful."

"Fine."

"Another thing, if I had gone out and taken those vamps out. How many do you think there were?"

"Nests can vary, but since you took them on by yourself I'd say maybe five at the most."

Y/n was soon gonna wipe that smile of his face. For what she was about to tell him was gonna make him think twice about whether she can take care of herself.

"15 Sam. I took down 15 vamps by myself. No help. 3 hours total."

"I say we let her take care of herself aye Sammy. That's my girl." Dean said slapping his brother's shoulder then running to his girl and kissing her lips.

"I know I say I don't need a hero but even sometimes a girl needs saving."

"Oh really?"

"Not this one, but nice try Deano."

[teacherintransition]

Inner Healing Rarely Comes From a Medicine Bottle

Confronting the pain … the loss … often alone helps you see that hope is still there.

My nephew is following the path of the ancients when life takes a devastating turn… the pilgrimage, the sojourn, an odyssey a journey to reconcile his desire for joy in life in the face of mind numbing loss…

In the early morning hours of the 28th of February, 2021 the Rich family who followed after my father, Roland Rich; my wife, my three sons, their wives, my grandchildren, my sister’s son, my brother, his wife, his son, his daughter, his daughter in law, his grandchildren all were peacefully sleeping through the last moments of the world as we knew it. By 9:30am of the 28th, the existence of what we all knew was gone, ripped from our grasp in the form of a violent, horrific car accident that claimed the life of Matthew Paul Rich. Matthew, my brother’s son was twenty four, a husband and father of two little children was no more … the twenty five and more members of his family plus dozens of close friends, in a year where death had been all too prevalent due to a pandemic of historical proportions, were now dealing with a personal loss of a young who was a boundless source of joy to all who knew him. Nothing would ever be the same. But, …. This isn’t Matthew’s story …

No, this isn’t a story about Matthew Rich, though the laughter and joy he brought could fill volumes. I’m not writing about his beautiful wife and lovely children. These words have little to do with a father who had lost his son. This is the story of Matthew’s brother and best friend… my nephew Cory Patrick Rich, whose loss of Matthew created a unique devastation of spirit yet, awakened in him a refusal to relinquish the happiness in life so often provided by his brother.

Cory was born on the 12th of July, 1991 to Brian and Vickie Keith-Rich in Conroe, Tx. He was and is still to some degree a loner but in a healthy manner. He graduated from Klein Oak High School in 2009. My nephew is intense… he LOVES his family, he loves deep intense conversations with them, which is a trait directly inherited from my dad, his grandfather, Roland Rich. His intensity also showed sometimes in his temper, “il peperoncino fa scaglie nel culo,” and like many young men who are eighteen or nineteen, lacked direction… and it caused him a little trouble. Despite this, Cory has always shown the ability to make sound decisions in stressful times. To get some focus, Cory enlisted in the United States Army and served in Kuwait during time of war. He knew that many of his family members whom he deeply respected followed a long tradition of military service: his grandfather was a twelve year Navy veteran; his cousin, my son, is a USMC veteran; his step brother served in the Army for 8 years; his second cousin on his fathers side was in the United States Navy SOG (Navy Seals); a great uncle who retired from the USAF; and an great uncle who served in the Navy during WWII… and on back through time to the American Revolution. The discipline and focus was exactly what he needed … Cory knew that.

When he left the army he, like many young men, pondered what would they do with their lives, but he had a rock that kept him grounded: his brother Matthew. Often brothers have rocky relationships. My brother Brian and I have been known to butt heads, some have distance that is sad to see. My sons love to provoke each other and argue much too much. Then there’s Matthew and Cory. Did they fight? Yes. Did they argue? Yes. They were, for much of their lives, raised apart as many children are due to divorce, but there was something special going on there. I have seen men who were close brothers; I have seen brothers who were best friends, but rarely have I seen many who were incredibly close brothers and best friends to each other. Separately, they were funny guys and opposite sides of the same coin. Matt was laid back, cordial, a peacemaker and genuinely put everyone at ease; Cory is curious, a seeker of ideas and often a bit hot headed. They played off each other’s strengths and assuaged their weaknesses. They looked out for each and dreamed dreams with each other. My brother and I haven’t always gotten along, but now, at 55, we’ve found a commonality of thought, even though that tension lurks just beneath the surface. Matt and Cory were a team … a powerful entity when together. Then, with the precision of the marking of a calendar… they weren’t.

This piece will not rehash the horrid details of that awful morning, or share the agony of a young widow or the pain of a mother who lost her baby. This is a story of the path of a lost young man. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross in her timeless study on how humans cope with grief, wrote there were five stages we go through when we lose a loved one. I observed Cory experience four of them: denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. The final stage: acceptance was stopped by an emotional brick wall. In all honesty, Cory, Brian, me (although my pain was to a much lesser extent) did all the right things to cope and some of the negative things you would expect. We argued, we cried, we drank too much, we self medicated, we had nightmares….remember my mention of Cory’s intensity? It was as you’d expect. My brother answered the call of being the patriarch and set the example for his family, I was there to help him when being the solid foundation was too much. Cory jumped in and took on the role Matt’s kids desperately needed. He spent his free time with them, took the son to soccer practice, helped Matt’s widow cope, comforted his mother … he showed a maturity and responsibility beyond expectation. All the while, Cory was so very much alone in processing his loss while attending to his loved ones.

My brother wisely planned a family trip to California to visit his wife’s son. The intentions were perfect, a family taking a step towards normalcy. From my own struggles with mental and emotional health, I learned that when situations approach a calm, the deep seeded pain that you haven’t been able to face, will rise to the surface as the progress that has been made will have your mind tell you, “ok, it’s time to deal with more stuff.” This happened on their trip. I told my brother that this wasn’t a setback but a step forward to deal with a loss that no human could take on all at once. Cory had taken no time for himself. He was spinning his wheels and the pain would not abate. I mentioned earlier that Cory had shown sound decision making in the past during times of emotional distress, he was about to embark on what I view, as a courageous, healthy, well thought out, wisdom beyond his years path towards healing. Cory was going on the road with his little dog Chewie in search of peace.

Like Homer, Ibn Battuta, Strabo, Xuan Zang, Thomas Jefferson, Isabella Byrd, Michael Palin, Jack Kerouac or Anthony Bourdain … Cory was not going on vacation, Cory was not going to “party.” The travelers mentioned above were seeking truth, understanding, community…Cory was going to find a way to live with the loss of his little brother. All to often, we will wallow in self pity and depression, harm ourselves or drop out of living altogether. Very few of us have the courage to go headlong and face our fear and pain and conquer it by seeing others in our world contend with tragedy and be inspired. To seek comfort traveling alone and realizing that none of us are truly alone is a daunting task. I would say that most people have dreamed of hitting the open road to “find ourselves “ and carrying a little regret at not having the balls to do it. Cory has no time schedule, no mapped out path, no preplanned itinerary…his heart and Chewie’s needed pit stops are his only considerations. Well, in truth, there is one destination and hundreds of ways to get there. Matt went on his honeymoon with Rachel his wife to Colorado. He was in awe of the beauty of the vistas. They returned home and, of course, he made a pact with his brother, “Cory brah, promise me that we will climb Pikes Peak together.” Cory promised… Matt is there on the summit ready to embrace his brother and tell him, “it’s ok dude, I’m good, thank you for caring for my family. I’m ok brah, go live …go live…go live …for me.”

My nephew has been gone for three weeks. His path on the map looks like pretzels. He’s been to New Mexico, Arizona, Utah, California, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Illinois, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Maine, West Virginia, Missouri and numerous places. He is heading towards Pikes Peak today …something powerful is going to happen …and Cory Patrick Rich had the courage to face it. I know this entry in my blog seems quite incomplete. “Where’s the details of the place he visited? What’d he eat? How’s he doing?” are questions that are being asked. I’ll let you know when he gets back. I also kept many of the names of Matt’s family unwritten so as to focus on one man’s personal sojourn. Each of us have a story through this nightmare we’ve experienced, but this is Cory’s and he still has many miles to travel before he can rest.

"Kathy, I'm lost", I said, though I knew she was sleeping

I'm empty and aching and I don't know why

Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike

They've all come to look for America

All come to look for America

All come to look for America*

*Simon, Paul; “America;” Kobalt Music Services; 1968

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