#Years & Years Shine

[thejoyofviolentmovement]

New Audio: Years & Years Tackles a '90s Club Classic

New Audio: Years & Years Tackles a '90s Club Classic @yearsandyears @Interscope @HighRisePR @crystalwaters1

Platinum-selling British electro pop outfit Years & Years formed back in 2010 as a full-fledged band featuring Olly Alexander, Mikey Goldsworthy, Emre Türkmen, Noel Leeman and Oliver Subria. Between their founding and the release of their first two singles — 2012’s “I Wish I Knew” and 2013’s “Traps,” Leeman and Subria left the band. As trio Years & Years wrote and recorded their full-length…

[petpenname]

Heartache

pairing: Ellie Williams [brother's best friend] x fem reader c.w. : smoking summary: you have had your eyes on your brother's best friend and band member forever, but you'd never think she would actually talk to you? a/n: this was a submission + I'll make more parts if it gets a good response!

The air in your room hangs heavy with humidity. A slight breeze from your open window blows through, fluttering your various posters and decor hanging on your walls. And over you, sprawled across your bed, flipping through social media, you were honestly bored out of your mind. Three weeks into summer and your closest friend was away for vacation, leaving you alone… and bored.

Cycling through your socials again you get fed up with the lack of entertainment and toss your phone on the floor with an exacerbated sigh. You lay on your bed, wondering what you should do to fill the void of dopamine when the sound of music begins to fill the house. A mixture of rock, indie, and midwest emo songs rang out from your garage, conveniently positioned directly under your room. 

Your brother's band got around to practicing, you assumed. You didn’t even realize your brother was home, he had gone out earlier this morning after your parents left for work. The music got louder and you suddenly had an idea of what you wanted to do, and it wasn't staying here and listening to your brother's shitty garage band. You gather your sketchbook, some pens, headphones, and a few other things into a bag, throw on a hoodie and a pair of shoes and head downstairs. You were headed to a river spot in the woods near your house. It was a commonly frequented spot by you, and your friends but not known to many. Perfect for a little seclusion and wading in cool water. 

You walk down stairs and almost instantly are hit with the strong earthy smell of smoke. You linger for a second and decide that your trip would be improved with a joint, hoping your brother would front you something, you enter the loud garage. 

Your brother and his band mates, all two of them, were unaware of your entrance. They were playing as loud as possible (maybe not as well as possible) but they were producing sound! Your brother slamming away on the drums while the guitarist, and bassist/singer were in their own worlds. 

“Hey!” you yell over the trio.

“HEY KAI!” You shout once more at your brother. Who, without skipping a beat or stopping, yells back.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” 

This got the attention of the other two band members who did stop upon seeing you standing there, amps silencing to white noise feedback. 

“Can I get a joint?” you ask.

“You got money for a joint?” Kai laughs.

“Can you just front me one?” you reply back flatly

“Why should I?” 

“If you give me one I wont tell mom you were smoking in the house again.” You counter. 

“It’s the garage so technically not the house and whatever you know they wont do anything”

“She can have one of mine?” a voice sparks up behind Kai, drawing your attention to the guitarist. A girl named Ellie. She and Kai had been longtime friends and bandmates. You barely knew anything about her other than she was in Kai’s grade, one above yours, but you knew her. You knew her eye color, her favorite flannel she wore a little too often. You knew she got a new guitar last year, and a fresh tattoo this year that shined under the garage light as she held up a joint in your direction.  

You also knew that this was one of the only times she had ever spoken to you. Not like you were around each other often but you almost felt like she would try to avoid you when she was over. Shocked, but with adrenaline pumping you took your chance, walking over to Ellie. She still had her guitar hanging around her, flannel sleeves rolled up, her hair was a bit disheveled from playing, strands falling out of her half up hair do.

She hands you the joint with a sideways smile, and her eyes glint a bit.

“Thanks, you’re so much nicer than my brother” you scoff, giving her a smile back. You turn to leave, flipping off Kai as you bound out the door, leaving the band members commotion in the garage. Not seeing Kai chuck a drumstick at Ellie who dodges it with a laugh. 

The success of getting a joint over shined the butterflies fluttering in your stomach from that look she gave you. The sun hit your face as you got outside and you were only looking forward to your solo date in the forest.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun was setting slowly, but from where you were in the woods shade had taken over your spot. You had smoked, worked on your art, and walked along the water looking for rocks. Hanging out in the forest for a few hours always rejuvenated you in a way you couldn’t explain. But you started to get cold and decided now was a good time to head home. While packing up you realized you had pretty bad cotton mouth from the joint, so you planned to stop by the corner store. 

It wasn’t a long walk but by the time you got to the corner store it was dusk. Street lights started sparking up like stars in the night sky. You opened the glass door and walked in, perusing the aisles for any snack or drink that could satiate your munchies. You were contemplating between an iced tea or a soda when the doorbell rang as someone walked in the store. You barely noticed the bell, or the girl walking up behind you until she spoke.

“Did you enjoy your smoke?” 

You jump, previously lost in your thoughts, you turn around to see Ellie standing there. She was wearing a hoodie now, her guitar in its case strapped to her back.

“Oh my god you scared me!” you say, almost dropping the bottles in your hands.

“Sorry! Didn't mean to!” Ellie laughs, moving around you to open the fridge door next to you and grab a coke. “Funny running into you here” she says, a little awkward you note.

“I mean my house is only a few blocks away,” you laugh. 

“Mm ya i guess so, you getting both of those?” Ellie looks down at the bottles in your hand.

“Oh um, I'm getting this one.” you hold up the iced tea & go to put back the soda. Before you could think Ellie takes the iced tea from your hand and starts walking towards the front of the store.

“Hey wait!” you look at her confused.

“Oh do you want something else princess?” Ellie turns back to look at you with a smirk.

Sparks ignite in your stomach, confused but now flustered, your mind swirling. You finally get a word out, “no, just that” and Ellie turns back to walk towards the cash register. 

You follow her, not really knowing what to do or how to act. Ellie and you had barely spoken to each other before this. And now she's acting so casually around you, and what did she call you? Everything happened so fast you barely caught it but reflecting back now, did she call you princess?

Ellie pays for the two drinks and you walk out together, taking your ice tea from her once outside. 

“Thank you, you didn't have to do that” you say, unscrewing the top and taking a refreshing sip.

“Don't mention it” Ellie says, “So are you going back home now?”

“Mhm yeah, what about you?”

“Yeah I was, but it's getting dark now, i’ll walk you back home first” Ellie says with a smile. 

“Who said chivalry was dead” you joke, it was a nice gesture, as much as you were confused by Ellie’s sudden intentions you couldn’t help but feel a type of way when she looked at you. Her green eyes danced over your face like she was memorizing your features. You wondered if she always looked at you this way?

She had. Ellie for the past few years had been keeping such a distance from you because when you were around she felt her whole body tense up. She felt like she was on fire if you looked in her direction. And god help her if she tried to speak around you, she ended up tripping over her words and losing her train of thought. Truthfully, she didn't know what magical queer fairy blessed her with the confidence to talk to you today. But she had taken in a chance earlier in the garage, and when she saw you in the store she knew it wasn't a coincidence. 

The walk back to your house was short, only a few blocks. You and Ellie joke together and talk about summer plans in the meantime. Both of you slightly high still, making your balance shifty, occasionally you would brush shoulders, sending sparks down each other's spines. 

When you get to your house you stop at the walk way, a little awkwardly since you knew Ellie had been in your house before. 

“Thanks for walking me home! And buying me this, um and the joint '' you say, taking in all of Ellie’s courtesy today, a little unsure what to do with yourself.

“Any time!” Ellie says with a smile, she fidgets where she stands for a second before reaching her hand up to your face. She tucks a small strand of hair behind your ear, without breaking eye contact.

“Have a good night y/n” and with that she turns around and walks away, putting up her hood. 

She left you solidified on the sidewalk, body unmoving but nerves on fire with a simple touch. You float for the next hour or so, barely registering going into your house and up to your room. Trying to make sense of what had just happened, and why now? And why so suddenly?

Later that night you receive a notification on Instagram

* @www.ellie followed you *

[bits-and-babs]

14 - Joel Miller. Joel begging is such a nice thought :)

𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐊-𝐘

pairings: Joel Miller x f!Reader

word count: 1k

warnings: very vague reference to suicide (character canon), use of a sex toy (m receiving), overstimulation, reference to spoilt orgasms, oral (m receiving).

summary: you punish Joel for going through your stuff.

joel masterlist | main masterlist | follower celebration | taglist

Creaking on its hinges as you push it open, the door to the entrance of your home is the only sound throughout the house as you enter. It’s oddly silent, differing from the months-long tradition of returning to the twang of gently plucked guitar strings floating downstairs.

“Joel?” You call, arching your brow as you kick off your snow-caked walking boots and leave them on the decking outside. It’s still freezing cold in Jackson; Joel always complaining about your freezing cold feet pressing against him as you cradle each other in an attempt to swindle more body heat.

No sound returns your call, and you begin to ascend the stairs quietly, your gun in hand. Multiple horrid scenarios flash through your mind. Had someone entered the house and attacked him? Had the grief for Sarah consumed him again, leading him to the gun storage locker in your shared bedroom?

Despite your dreadful assumptions, much to your relief, you find Joel sitting on the bed. His back faces you, and he’s hunched over something that has captured his undivided attention.

“Joel! You scared me!” You huff, releasing the handle of your gun and letting the weapon settle in its holster. Joel, however, nearly jumps out of his skin, attempting to shove something back into your bedside table subtly. You notice.

“Jesus-“ he scoffs, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly, “You’re home early!”

“What were you looking at?” You query, rounding the bed with a quizzical expression. Joel’s eyes seem to find everything but your own, the flush to his sun-bludgeoned cheeks telling you everything you need to know.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to go snooping?” You muse, enjoying the caught-red-handed flush to his face.

“Where did you find them?” He asks, avoiding your question and peering at the bedside cabinet once again.

“A shop in the city,” you hum, reaching into the drawer and picking out the vibrator he had no doubt been eyeing before you stumbled across his curious frisk of your bedside. “Couldn’t help but pick a few up.”

Pushing down on the button, you watch as Joel stares at the rumbling sex toy in your palm. His gaze flicks tentatively between the silicone and your expression.

“Now,” you pause, a smirk playing on your lips as you click the button again to amp the speed of the vibrations up, “What are we to do about your trespassing?”

✰

Joel Miller is a man who completely devotes himself to total control. He credited the twenty years of his survival to being in complete authority of every situation he found himself in, passing judgement as and when he saw fit.

Authority wasn’t something Joel was willing to surrender to just anyone— which is why you appreciate his absolute faith in you.

His fingers grasp onto the bed frame with a white-knuckle grip, glueing his palms to the wood as you had requested. He groans out loudly and tilts his head back, at the mercy of the vibrator that you trace up the frenulum of his twitching cock.

Cum drools from the ruddy head, dripping down onto his soft abdomen and shining beneath the golden light of the lampshade resting on the bedside cabinet.

“You’re making a mess,” you hum softly, pushing the juddering silicon toy against the head of his dick. Joel, despite the shattering overstimulation you’d subjected him to for the past hour, rocked his hips up against the vibrator with a haggard breath of despair. “I can clean it up with my tongue if you’d like?”

“Oh fuck,” he gasps, eyes rolling back when he tucks his face into the curve of his bicep in an attempt to conceal his embarrassment.

“It’s okay,” you whisper, cupping his balls gently in your free palm. Joel’s body trembles at the simple touch, desperate to cum. “It’s okay, Joel.”

“Oh shi- Please!” He breaks down, choking on the words that spill from his lips, “Please, I need to- fuckin’, please let me cum!”

“That what you want?” You smile sweetly, watching his eyelids flutter as you press the button once again, the intensity of the vibrations at their peak as you rub the toy back and forth across the glossy tip of his cock.

“Yes!” He gasps loudly, jutting his hips up into the sensation as he chases the impending threat of his orgasm. It’s overwhelming him, rocking through his muscles yet failing to hit the summit. Joel slams his fist against the bed frame, spitting curses through his gritted teeth.

“Have you learnt your lesson not to go snooping through my things?” You smirk, watching as Joel’s abdomen flexes desperately against the building sensation of bliss.

“Darlin’!” He calls you desperately, begging you to give him what he needs.

“Or will you do this more often?” You ask despite his frustrated growl of your name. Studying his wet lashes and the flush of his face, you continue to tease him, “Digging through my things in the hope I punish you like this again?”

“Fuckin’- Please!” Joel surrenders himself to you wholly, begging in a cracked voice. “Baby, please, I can’t do this anymore- I need to- oh fuck, that’s it-!”

He practically stops breathing altogether when you slide the vibrator down the length of his twitching, swollen cock and take the head into your mouth. It doesn’t take much at all. One, two, three swirls of the tip of your tongue against the velvety skin, and Joel lets out the most anguished moan. He finishes in your mouth, cum pumping down your throat and coating your tongue as you swallow him down over and over, the spend leaking down your chin. The vibrator seems to keep it going and going, his body trembling with the sheer force of his ecstasy.

“Hoh- fuck-“ Joel gasps loudly, sucking oxygen into his lungs when he looks down at you. Even in his practically delirious state, he wipes the cum from your chin in an act of service, a feeble attempt to take control once again.

“You liked that more than you’re letting on,” you muse.

“No, I didn’t.”

Ellie’s right. He’s a shitty liar.

END

🏷️ join the taglist:

@xwing-baby , @mybugboy , @pansa-1-san , @pedrosprincess , @cosm1c-babe , @stardu5stbunny, @lil-stark , @heart-atttack @crybaby-blue-blog, @wingedgothapricot, @ssimelttilgniht @2pacacabra @pauldanosgf @leithatnight

[jennay]

Under The Stars

Request: hi! could i possibly request a best friends to lovers one shot with noah - sort of like, both of them were too scared to say how they felt? i was thinking the reader has been friends with noah and ruffilo since they were teenagers and she now works with the band as a guitar tech or something :') thank you!

Master List

An: I changed the setting where the confessions happen. I hope you love it. It's mushy!

If you want to be tagged in future Noah things let me know 🖤

If you have any requests feel free to send them!

You relaxed in the back of your 'new' truck, a battered old pickup your dad had given you as a hand-me-down. The metal was scratched and dented, and the paint was peeling off in places, but you loved it anyway. Noah and Nick, your two best friends, lay beside you on the soft blankets you had spread over the truck bed.

You felt their warmth and comfort as you gazed at the sky, watching the stars sparkle and fade. The night air was cool and crisp, and you heard the crickets chirping in the distance. You adored nights like this when their company made your teenage years more bearable.

"Look!" Noah exclaimed, pointing to the sky. "Shooting star."

"You have to make a wish!" You say, following the trail of the star with your eyes.

Nick leaned his head on your shoulder, snuggling closer to you. "Yeah, Noah, you saw it first! make the wish!”

You nodded in agreement, "He's right."

Noah smiled brightly and tilted his head to look at the two of you. His eyes were shining with mischief and curiosity. "I wish-" He started to say, but you quickly put your hand over his mouth, stopping him from speaking. "Don't say it out loud or it won't come true!" You warned him, laughing. You felt him mumble something under your hand and wondered what he wished for but didn't ask because you wanted all of Noah's dreams to come true.

The present:

You spring into action the moment you see Jolly turn around and look at the cord of his guitar. Something was wrong.

You had feared the day that this would happen but hoped it would never come. You wished it wasn't today.

Noah was already losing his patience with the crowd that kept brawling through the night, and the amount of technical difficulties that plagued the show made you feel like a lousy worker.

You sprint over to Jolly while Noah once again pauses the concert to lecture the crowd about their behavior. You're almost grateful for the disruption of the crowd. It buys you a few more minutes to figure out a solution to the problem.

You kneel down at the amp, searching for the problem, and you grab the cord, following it back to the guitar that Jolly is holding. His eyes widened, and he searched your face for answers.

You stick your pointer finger up as if telling him one minute, giving him hope that you've got this under control. You stand up, unplug the wire from his guitar, and race over to the chest. Lucky for you, only the cord needed to be replaced. You knew there was probably a bigger issue with Jolly's connection to his guitar, but right now, you couldn't fix that problem in the middle of the show.

You give Jolly a thumbs-up, and he gives a nod, mouthing thank you as you jog off the stage.

You hoped that would hold up until the show was over. You didn't believe in god but were now praying for a better outcome. You didn't want to disappoint the guys; they already had many issues tonight.

You sit on the side of the stage close to Jolly, just in case anything else happens. You were relieved when the band was no longer stopping for technical errors.

After the show, you meet up with guys backstage, giving them high-fives and admiration for their work.

You were so proud of them for all their badassery.

You walk them back to the bus, listening to them talk about the show. You hear Noah talking about the crowd, and he wonders out loud if they're doing something causing the actions. He's frustrated because this isn't the first time but hopes it will be the last.

You all rush into the bus, and Noah flops down on the couch. You sit beside him while the other three prepare to hit the town for the night.

When Ruffilo reappears in front of you, he has a sneaky smile on his face, "You're coming out with us right?" He asks you.

You shake your head and shut your eyes, "I'm really tired and going to pass out on this couch. This is my spot." You joke. "Now go, have fun. Drink for me." You say, waving them off.

As the others leave, you sit up straight, groaning, when you feel Noah's eyes on you. You know he's looking at you with that mischievous glint in his eyes, which always makes your heart skip a beat.

You pretend to be annoyed and turn to face him. "What?" You ask, trying to sound casual.

Noah shrugs. "I have an idea." He stands up, walks to his bunk, and grabs one of the small blankets off his bed. He then hurried over to the small fridge tucked under the cabinet next to you.

"Do you have a sweater?" You shake your head, "What are you up to?"

"Go get one of Nick's sweaters, I saw one on his bunk. It's chilly outside." He grins warmly at you.

You raise an eyebrow, "Are you trying to get me drunk and steal Nick's clothes?"

He chuckles, "Maybe. Is that a problem?"

You roll your eyes, but you can't help but smile. You get up, doing as he says, and snatch the black zip-up hoodie he was referring to.

You walk back to Noah, who gives you the bottle of wine and slings the blanket over his shoulder.

He rummages through the small kitchenette, finding two coffee cups. "Guess this will do." He says with a shrug. "Let's go!"

You playfully roll your eyes, "Can you fill me in on what's happening?" You say, following him out the door.

You feel a cold breeze hit your face, and you shiver, wishing you had a thicker jacket. The sky is dark with glittering stars, and you can't help but stare up at the sky. You've always loved the night sky, the way it makes you feel small and infinite at the same time.

"We're going to go sip some wine and look at the stars, just like the old days. We haven't done that in ages." He says, flashing you a smile.

You feel your heart race again, remembering all the times you spent together under the stars, talking, laughing, dreaming.

He wraps his arm around you and leads you to an area that isn't too far from the bus but feels natural due to the trees surrounding the area. You smell the fresh pine and earthy soil and feel a sense of peace.

Noah lays the blanket down and smooths out any wrinkles. You take off your shoes and step on them, sitting down, "Hurry up. I'm cold and I could really use your body heat right now." You tease.

You don't mind the cold but love the excuse to cuddle with him.

"Is that all I'm good for?" He says, sitting next to you. He lifts his arm and lets you snuggle into his side.

You feel his warmth and his heartbeat, and you sigh contentedly. You breathe in his scent, a mix of sweat, cologne, and something uniquely him. You feel his lips press against your hair, and you smile.

"Hand me the wine."

You reach beside you and grab the bottle, handing it to Noah. You hear the top pop off, and he begins pouring the wine into the coffee cups. You take a sip, and your face scrunches at the bitter taste, pulling away from Noah. You give him a look of disgust, and Noah laughs at your reaction.

"Who drinks this shit?" You take another drink, hoping your taste buds will become more accustomed to the taste.

You don't care about the wine; you just want to spend quality time with him, away from the tour's chaos and stress.

You lean back on your hands, gazing at Noah with admiration. He's too busy pouring more wine; you watch the red liquid flow like blood.

At this moment, you're convinced something else is going on with him. He seemed nervous and fidgety, his eyes darting like a trapped animal.

You break the short silence by leaning forward and reaching out to touch his hair. Your fingers linger at his neck as you say, "I like your hair when it gets longer." You admit while stroking the wild strands.

Noah smiles down at you, his brown irises soft and kind, "Why do you think I haven't cut it again?" He asks with a nervous laugh.

You feel your cheeks heat up, and you look away. "You're growing it out for me?" You say, half-joking, half-hoping.

"Yes, I am." He says, his voice serious. "Because I want you to find me attractive." The words slip out of his mouth, and he freezes. His eyes widen, shocked by his own words.

Noah had only ever told Nick about his secret, and he always told him it was a crush that would fade over time. He practically begged Noah not to tell you. Nick feared it would ruin your friendships and didn't want to be the middleman if something happened.

"You what?" You say, stunned.

He exhales, biting his lip. "You know what I wished for all those years ago when we were kids in the back of your truck with Nick?" He looks at you, his expression hopeful and nervous. He gently grabs your hand in his.

You feel nervous at his touch. Noah didn't act this way, not around you. "You're not supposed to tell me your wishes." You smile weakly.

"I have to." He says desperately. "I've tried not saying anything and it still didn't come true." He lifts your chin, making you look into his eyes. He wants you to hear him loud and clear. " I wished for you to fall in love with me, to look at me the way you look at the stars."

You feel excitement in your chest, and want him to know you've wished for the same thing. You wrap your arms around his neck, and whisper in his ear. “You don’t have to wish anymore. I love you too.”

He smiles widely, and pulls you closer to him, his hands cup your face as he leans in, pressing his lips to yours. You feel his warm breath on your skin, and his tongue gently teasing your mouth. You hear his soft moan, and his heartbeat pounding in sync with yours.

You pull back, gasping for air, and look into his eyes. You see the same spark that ignited your kiss, the same desire that matched yours.

You smile and whisper, “I'll gladly make your wish come true.”

Tags: Tags: @thisbicc @yumikitten @lma1986 @chemicallady @niicoleleigh

[teethondafloor]

Wait On Me - ¡Rescue Me! - (Bill Kaulitz x fem!reader)

This is an extract from the Wattpad fanfic I am currently writing, where each chapter is named after a song on Tokio Hotel's "Scream" album :3

Year: 2008

Warnings: Fluff and mentions of depression

My username on Wattpad is @Kazoozia if you're interested in reading the rest!

________.✮.________

After the concert ends and the lights are flashed back on, I feel a rush of fans behind me heading to the exit doors, their footsteps trampling over any litter left abandoned on the ground. I am one of the first people to leave the venue, as I was stuck hovering near the back of the room all night. However, I can't complain. The concert was unbelievable; Tom's rapid and clean guitar solos are still looping in my head after the show. My ears feel muffled and swollen as they are put at ease once the music is turned off, the large amps projecting a sharp ring when they are suddenly unplugged from their instruments. Deafened by their blare, I walk out of the building, feeling the cool breeze of the night slap me across the face as I inch closer to the outside. The realisation of how hot it was in that room hits me like the cold wind around me, melting away at my touch. I move away from the doors, looking around. I see some parents stepping out of their cars, growing impatient as they wait for their kids to come out of the building behind me. Making space for them, I stand at the wall of the venue with the front doors to my left and call myself a taxi back to the hotel.

As I wait for my taxi to arrive, I can't help but think about the concert again and again. I have the whole night playing over in my head like a broken record, repeating the same lyrics and tunes, burning them into the cracks of my brain. I was blown away by the intense energy from the crowd, perfectly complimenting the lively spirit of the band. I think of Bill. I'm still left speechless from his long stare and his teethy smile, shining in my direction. As some fans walk by, I feel their smiling faces glancing over at me, clearly remembering me for the plethora of noise I made at the back. I gently smile back at some of them as they pass, a sudden feeling of embarrassment washing over me, causing the hair on my arms to rise. God, did I disturb the show?

Busy watching the whole concert play out in my mind, I look up, noticing the taxi pull up on the other side of the pavement in front of me. I pull on the car's door and hop inside, watching my head as I lower my body into the vehicle. When I close the door behind me, I feel the car starting, shaking underneath me. It's rough interior brushes up against my bare arms and there is little room for my legs. It smells like hot shit, but I'll cope, I smile to myself. We drive through the lit up streets of Berlin, the city's graffitied walls blending into a solid, bright pink colour as we drive past them with speed. Looking out at the line of buildings and bars, I dig through my right jean pocket, grasping my crumpled up concert ticket in my palm. I uncrumple it a little and gaze at it's contents. I should've asked for a signature, I think to myself. A little bummed, I still doubt that I'll ever forget a night like this; the electricity of the concert rushing through me still. I scrunch up the paper once more and shove it back into my pocket, and as I look up, I see the hotel edging closer towards us. "This is me." I say to the driver, hoping that he stops near here so I don't have to walk back to the front doors from the parking lot behind the building. To my surprise, he stops just at the front doors of the hotel. I guess luck is on my side tonight, I think. I feel the car stop, the force pushing me forward a little until I bounce back into my seat again. I thank the driver and pay him for the trip, and as I exit the car I glance at my watch, "10.40pm" staring back at me.

Holding onto the straps of my backpack, I enter through the hotel doors and check into my room after a long, eventful night. I stumble towards the elevator doors and step inside, grazing my fingers over the buttons, until  pressing one that leads to the 5th floor. In the elevator, I feel my eyelids starting to lay heavy on my eyes, covering them over almost fully. I sway as the elevator travels from the bottom of the building right to the top, until I hear the 'ding' of the elevator stopping at my floor. As the doors slide open and reveal my face to the other side, I collect myself, step out and take a turn to my right, now walking towards my hotel room. I walk with my eyes half shut, tired and worn from the excitement of the night. On my way down the corridor, I walk past a few people, not batting an eye as they pass; until I hear someone call out from behind me. At first I don't think to turn around, assuming the call is directed to someone else in the hallway. All of the sudden, I feel firm footsteps running towards me, causing cold air to hit my back from the sudden movement. Before I turn around I feel a slight tap on my shoulder. I stop in my step and watch how this tall figure steps in front of me, cutting me off. They are now facing me. Silence settles between us, before they finally speak up. "Sorry to bother...uh...you dropped this" they hand me a crumpled piece of paper. A look of confusion shoots through my face which soon relaxes when I uncrumple the paper, realising that it's my concert ticket. "So...you're a fan I'm guessing" I hear them smile through their words, making me look up slowly. A sharp spark shoots into my throat, through my veins and burns at my fingertips.

It's Bill. Bill Kaulitz. My mouth peers open when I see his face, looking down at me with a smile. His hair is still caked with hairspray, now a little more flat, leaving only some strands pointing up to the ceiling. His fully black, emo attire contrasts with the yellow hallway lights, beaming above us. He looked like my shadow, ominously towering over me. "Oh my god.." I blurt out, not intending him to hear. "Bill, uh..." I shake my head, electricity rushing through me. "What are you...doing here?" I scrunch my eyebrows. He looks down at the floor for a second and then glances back at me before answering. "I'm just..." He thinks "on a walk around the building!" As he examines my face his eyebrows slowly lower and he turns his head slightly to the side. "Were you...at my concert? This nights concert?...You were the girl at the back right? The one screaming." he huffs gently, smiling and awaiting my answer which he clearly already knows.

"Yeah-" I chuckle and nod "yeah that was me up there...I hope I didn't disturb the concert too much." I smile awkwardly.

"No way!" His smile widens, revealing his teeth "You killed it! You brought that concert to life!" I bite the inside of my cheek as I smile, surprised by his enthusiasm. "And you...you were amazing up there- the...the whole band was. you killed that." I say, shaking my head. Bill laughs quietly and looks down at his feet, taking in my praise before opening his mouth to say something. "Thank you thank you...tonight was great for me too, I only fucked up like...once or twice" We both laugh and I notice him looking me up and down subtly.

"It was perfect, don't stress it." I say, reassuring him. We stand in silence for a moment, not knowing what else to say when I finally speak up, breaking our eye contact. "Well, I'll let you go now, you can have your...stroll around the building" I say jokingly. Bill looks away, chuckling softly. "Yeah uh...I'll do that!..." He takes a step forward, heading up the corridor before suddenly hesitating. "Oh my god I'm awful...I don't think I got your name sorry..." He stutters a little when he says this, anticipating my answer. Charmed by his awkwardness, I smile and gaze into his eyes. "y/n" I say, nodding my head.

"y/n" He repeats my name back, letting it's taste settle in his mouth. After a moment of brief silence, he breaks our eye-contact, his eyes shooting quick glances at me "Well, I hope you have a nice night y/n." Standing inches away from me, he raises his arm out, inviting me to shake it. I take his hand gently, feeling his cold rings pressing against my fingers. He looks at me for just a second longer and heads down the corridor before I can say my goodbyes. I turn back, my eyes following the back of his head.

Stricken with shock, I'm stunned to my core. What the hell just happened, I think, my back now to him. I just spoke to Bill fucking Kaulitz. Although I am frozen over in shock, I still feel a sort of warmth clustering inside my stomach. I think of his awkward smiles and prolonged stares. In that moment he was so...human. Up until now I've never really seen him in this light, as the only light that is flickered onto him is through interviews and photoshoots; where he is glamorised and simplified, leaving out the human part of him in between each flicker. Seeing his authenticity slip through his stutter, made me realise that Bill in fact is not a shadow that towers over me which I can morph into my own liking, but a person; one like me. I look down at the concert ticket, now warm in my grasp. Maybe I don't need that signature after all.

________.✮.________

Rummaging my keys through the keyhole, I step inside my breezy hotel room, locking the door behind me. I had left some windows open before leaving for the concert, which left the day's cold breath swirling around the room, blowing on the long and cheap curtains which brush against the carpeted floor. Feeling the air grazing my arms, I take a hold of my elbows in a gentle embrace while I step towards one of the windows, reaching over to shut it. A final huff of air escapes the window as I close it, shuffling the curtains delicately before they settle at last. I look out at the city below me, the sky painted a rich blue with shiny white glitter scattered all over. The moon casts a beam of light onto the city's buildings, which disappears into their shadows, creating a maze of black alleyways in between them. Admiring the view at my feet, I pull the curtains over the window, the rings holding them up jamming as I force them towards me. The moon's faint light still peers through the thin fabric, reflecting onto the carpet. With little light in the room, I shuffle towards the small lamp on table next to my bed, and blindly feel the switch with my fingers before pressing it. As the room bursts into a warm wash of light, I set my bag down on the ground next to the dresser.

What a night, I think. The exhaustion from the long day hits me once more, and I feel myself yawn as I stretch my arms out in front of me and rest them on my head. I take a moment to breathe, process. My mind is fogged with moments from the concert and the taxi and the ticket and Bill. Bill. Mostly Bill. The realisation that he is in the same building as me right now is slowly setting in, leaving me speechless. God. What if I run into him again? That would be awkward...I think? I don't know. I can't think right now. I need to uh...

I rub my eyes with both hands, wanting to keep myself awake. Trying to gather my thoughts, I look around again before untying my converse and unzipping my jeans, sliding them off of my legs in a struggle. I pick my jeans up with one hand and throw them into the corner of the room, where a pile of the rest of my dirty (or not so dirty) clothes helplessly lie. Honestly, I lost track of what pile that is a while ago. I stumble towards the small bathroom across from me and I hit the light switch with my hand, its bright flash blinding me. I hold onto the edge of the bathtub in the room, propping myself up while I turn the shower on and wait for the warm water to flow through its pipes. The cold and sharp water drips onto my knuckles, sprinkling me with its thin shards; I wiggle my hand above the bath, shaking it off. grabbing my band shirt by its sides, I pull it over my head and arms, dropping it onto the bathroom floor. As I hear it fall behind me, I slip out of my underwear and step into the tub, watching my head on the railing above. The water is warming up now and I can feel its warm droplets hitting against my skin, washing away the excitement of the night.

I stand in the shower for almost an hour, letting the water cleanse my mind as well as my skin. The burning steam from the shower fogs up the glass surrounding it, trapping the heat inside as it sinks into my pores. After allowing the water to warm me up completely, I sigh and turn the shower off, carefully stepping out of the tub. I grab a towel off of its rack which is bolted onto the wall, first drying myself off and then using it to wrap my hair in a tight turban. I walk out of the bathroom, hearing the soles of my feet patter on the damp floor under me after each step. I wander over to my white sheeted bed and throw myself onto it, my eyes looking up at the ceiling above me. I sit for a while in silence, my mind tired and still fogged with the hot steam which soon disintegrates into the air, revealing the thoughts which I had suppressed the whole night. 

What am I doing? I think. I glance over to my bedside table which holds a small lamp, a pile of university leaflets and pages of forms to fill out. I sigh and roll onto my side, my eyes now pointing to my laptop; I haven't turned it on since I got here a week ago. I've been avoiding writing for weeks now, which is definitely not helping me develop my portfolio. Stupid fucking portfolio. mountains of monologues and poems that I never manage to rhyme properly. They say I need to showcase my best work, for the world to know what I can do. But I just...can't. I can't help but keep proving that all of this is for nothing. I don't know what's wrong with me...I wanted this, I did. I said I would travel all the way out here to find a decent university that will take me in for what I am, for what I can do. For what I thought I could do. But what if I can't do this anymore? What if I'm sick of trying? What if these pages I'm writing mean nothing and I'm wasting my time trying to be understood. When the world was made for visuals and I can only communicate with words. God. My mind spirals down into a hole, the same hole that was left deep within me when my music career failed and plummeted into it. I'm so scared that writing will dig deeper, leaving me hallow. I notice my breath quicken as these thoughts race through me and even as I wallow in self pity, I hold myself, forcing any comfort I could find left within me onto myself.

I yawn gently, looking around the dimly lit room as the bedside lamp flickers slightly. I reach over to the drawer, pulling it open with ease and dig out my silver iPod mini, clutching it and the earphones dangling from it in the palm of my hand. Switching off the lamp, I pull the hotel's white duvet over me; soft folk melodies singing me to sleep. Laying with my thoughts tangling in my head, I skip a song and a familiar tune starts to play: "This used to be our secret...Now I'm hiding here alone..." It was 'Rescue Me'. I remind myself of the the same lyrics that played at the concert a few hours ago. Hours ago when loud music also drowned out my thoughts. I curl up into a ball as the song plays, feeling the duvet absorb my body heat and create a soft mist of heat hovering over me like a warm aura. I fall fast asleep, screaming in my head, my voice desperately trying to escape me. "...My S.O.S on radio...The only chance to let you know...What I fear...Can you hear?...Come and rescue me..."

________.✮.________

- teethondafloor (Zuźka)

[certifiedtrashmouth]

Oh gosh I don’t wanna repeat someone and I’m not sure about Xmas traditions but what about ridiculous stocking stuffers w Eddie? Fluff/humor.

oh, god. this one also got out of hand. started in light-hearted fun and ended in fluff that had me screaming into my pillow. i'm sorry for the length.

good for one kiss (eddie munson x reader)

warnings: none really. mentions of penis??? (eddie makes a joke about his dick and there's mention of a blowjob but no description lol), mentions of cigarettes, idiots in love. best friends to lovers.

“What am I supposed to do with a single piece of gum?” 

“What am I supposed to do with a single cigarette?” 

“Smoke it, idiot.”

“It’s broken, idiot.” 

“Oh.” 

You and Eddie sit cross-legged across from each other on his bed on Christmas Eve, partaking in your annual gift exchange. But there was a catch; each year, you exchanged stockings, only gifting each other what you could fit in the glorified, fleece-lined socks. There had only been two exceptions to the rule of the years - the year you’d gifted Eddie his first professional-grade amp and he’d bawled like a baby (once he’d dried his tears, he’d threatened you and Wayne both endlessly about ever letting the story leave the room. The two of you had exchanged a look, though, knowing neither of you would ever let him live it down.) and the year Eddie had bought you your first acoustic six-string with the promise of lessons from him (it was onyx black and shined with promise as Eddie explained the two of you needed to use paint markers to decorate it). 

It was going on five years of the tradition that had stemmed from both of you never being able to afford much for each other, but still wanting to show you care nevertheless. And as the years had gone on, the gifts had slowly found their rhythm. There was always a perfect mixture of cliche throwaway gifts, gag gifts, and gifts so sentimental that some tears were sure to be shed by one of the parties. 

“I didn’t think it would break,” you scrunch your nose slightly as Eddie holds up the cigarette, limp from the crack in the middle of it. 

“What did you expect, just throwing it in here like that?” Eddie laughs, not bothered in the slightest. He had a pack of Camels snug in the pocket of his leather jacket slung over his desk chair. It was the thought that counted, after all. 

“I expected it to be absolutely fucking invincible for how expensive the pack was,” you whine, and he can’t help but watch you with bemusement, “I spent my last dollar from my tips on that damn pack.” 

The mention of that softens the look in Eddie’s eyes. He knew the two of you struggled to come up with enough money to even keep up this tradition; he had hardly seen you due to how many spare shifts you’d been picking up at Benny’s the last few weeks. 

You catch the look, immediately straighten up, “No, no, no. Don’t even go there, Munson. I can see you going there. Come back to me, idiot.” 

Idiot. The term of endearment you’d coined for him since you’d first met in sophomore year of high school. He’d heard it in a dozen different tones - elated, annoyed, exhausted - but not a single one held an ounce of genuine negativity towards him. You made idiot sound like my love. 

He wasn’t your lover, though. He kicked himself in the shins every morning over it, always telling himself that today was the day and I’m going to tell her how I feel finally. 

Spoiler alert. He never did. 

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he offers up his own loving nickname for you, “I just know you’ve been busting your ass at Benny’s-” 

“Yes, I have, because I want to spoil you for the holidays. I don’t regret a single second of it. Even when those creepy old men tried to shove the dollar bills in my shirt rather than just hand them to me.”

You both laugh at the memory. It hadn’t been very funny when it happened, leading to you calling Eddie crying and him coming to your rescue, but enough time had passed to see the humor in it all. 

The rest of the gift exchange goes as expected for the most part. The gag gifts pull the appropriate amount of laughter, and the more genuine gifts pull a softness out of each other that nearly had each of your eyes’ pupils forming hearts. 

Eddie fawns over a pack of pics you’d had customized with Corroded Coffin’s logo, and you react just as bluntly as expected when you pull a long red candle from your stocking, looking up to Eddie blankly. 

“For when I finally sacrifice you in the woods,” he explains with a cheesy grin, “Gotta have candles if we’re going to worship Satan, sweetheart.” 

“Ha-ha,” you dead pan, tilting your head slightly as you keep a straight face, completely unimpressed, “You’re hilarious, Munson.” 

“Hey, I could have made a sex joke,” he throws up his hands in a defensive manner, shrugging his shoulders and looking to the ground in faux shyness. 

“Yeah, yeah - you could have made a sex joke,” you mumble as you shove the candle to the side, a smile still escaping the corners of your mouth. 

“As a matter of fact, I still can. Don’t think I didn’t notice the fact that you replaced my stocking this year, darling, and that it’s noticeably larger. Finally big enough to fit over my massive dic-” 

“You’re disgusting,” you interrupt, grabbing the candle and now whacking one of his knees with it, making him fall victim to an uncontrollable giggling fit, “Have you ever been told that? Let me be the first to tell you - you’re absolutely vile, Edward Munson.” 

You don’t mean it, and he knows you don’t. You’re both laughing too much over it. 

You’re starting to get to the bottom of the stockings now. You each have an odd arrangement of candy that had been included in each respective stocking - Eddie is socking on a blue jolly rancher, being sure to make annoying slurping noises to get a rise out of you, as you nibble on a miniature candy cane. There’s only one gift left in your stocking, a small box that you only reach for once you rewrap the candy cane in the plastic wrap it’d come in that you’d saved to avoid getting sticky fingers. 

“What’s this?” you ask, pulling it out and letting the empty stocking fall into your lap. 

Eddie looks up from where he was preoccupied with attempting to open another jolly rancher. His eyes light up from the present in your palm, “Oh, only saving the best one for last, sweet thing.” 

You look at him questioningly, but begin to slide your finger under the delicate edge of the small box regardless. It takes concentration to pry open the box without tearing it, but you do, you gasp. 

In a bed of cotton, there’s a necklace. 

It looks like a copy of Eddie’s signature pick necklace. But instead of the dark swirling black between clouds of burgundy red, it shines with pearlescent opal white and ruby red, glimmering on a silver chain as if it were made of jewels. 

When you gently lift it from the box, it’s clear it’s not a real pick. It’s heavier - Hell, it might actually be made of gemstones. 

“Eddie-” you gasp, cutting yourself off, mesmerized by the beauty. 

He’s nearly shaking with delight, “It’s a locket. Look, open it.” 

You see what he means immediately, realizing that the weight was from the thickness of the faux pick. There’s a subtle seam, with a silver lock on the side that clicks gently when you press on it. The locket swings open, and inside is a snug photo of you and Eddie. You can pinpoint exactly when the photo was taken; it was at your birthday party two years ago, both of you laughing with cake icing on the tips of your nose. The photo is in dramatic black and white, but you can still picture how obnoxiously red your cheeks were with Eddie’s arm slung around your shoulder, pulling you into him as you two lost it over God knows what. 

You feel yourself beginning to tear up, completely stunned, “I- Oh my God, Eddie. I don’t know what to say.”

“You can start with how I’m the best friend ever,” he cheekily grins, wiggling his eyebrows at you as you let out a breathless laugh. 

“It’s…God, it’s beautiful. This- This is too much, Eddie. I can’t imagine how expensive-”

“Nope,” he cuts you off quickly, waving his hands frantically, refusing to listen to your lecture. He didn’t care if it had cost him everything he owned, down to the clothes on his back - it was worth it to see that look on your face. “Don’t even start, sweetheart. One of Wayne’s friends at the plant has a wife who makes jewelry for a living. We got the family discount because she thought the idea was so dang adorable,” his voice pitches to mock the mystery woman, and it makes you tearily laugh some more. 

You look back down at the open locker, finger tracing over the opposite side from the photo. 

E. It’s engraved in cursive. As if you’d ever forget the initial of the boy in the photo - the boy in front of you. 

“You really had to choose the photo that made me look like a dork, didn’t you?” you softly tease under your breath, staring at the memory in unfiltered fondness. 

“Someone’s got to keep you humble,” he retorts. 

You ignore his comment, standing quickly and holding the necklace out to him, “Help me put it on?” 

He doesn’t hesitate to leap off the bed to your side, taking the chain gingerly before you turn and face your back to him. His movements are careful and deliberate as he brushes your hair off to the side, cold fingers skimming over your skin and sending shivers down your spine before he loops the necklace around the front of your chest. You can feel his warm breath on the nape of your neck as he fiddles with the clasp for a few moments before finding success. 

“Aha! Perfect,” he claps as you spin around, grinning giddily at the weight that sits naturally between your collarbones. It gives you a sense of security, a sense of comfort, a sense of home. 

“Thank you, Eddie,” you earnestly say, voice crumbling with emotions as your smile shines and you lift a hand to pinch the necklace between two fingers. The locket is smooth as you rub over it, “I love it.” 

His face reflects your happiness right back before you suddenly throw yourself forward, wrapping your arms tightly around his shoulders and pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. He returns it immediately, squeezing you back just as strongly. You both melt into the hug, comfortable as you eventually beginning to just-barely-sway in the middle of Eddie’s room, chests pressed together as hearts beat in sync. 

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” he murmurs against your hair before placing a chaste kiss on your temple. 

“Merry Christmas, Eds.” 

You finally pull away, both of you returning to your original positions on the bed. Gifts are scattered around you, mixing with candy and wrappers, as Eddie pulls up his stocking and begins to shake it upside down. 

“There’s not any more gifts, Eddie, you already opened them-” you cut yourself off, the smile that had your cheeks aching still fading when a piece of paper flutters from his stocking. 

Oh no. 

“No more gifts, you say?” he smirks in your direction, picking up the folded note, “What’s this, then?” 

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

You’d forgotten about that. When you’d been wrapping Eddie’s gifts the night before, Robin had joined you to keep you company. The two of you had broken into a few bottles of wine around the house when you had a bright idea (at least, at the time it seemed bright. Now, it was the dumbest idea you’d ever had. Ever.). Coupons for Eddie, ranging from redemption for kisses to redemption for more… explicit acts. To be fair, Robin had egged you on, knowing of your hopeless crush of two years on your best friend. You’d folded each ‘coupon’ and sealed them with kisses from red lipstick the two of you had dug out of your desk drawers. You’d chickened out when the buzz from the wine faded, and pulled all of the ridiculous notes out before properly filling the stocking with his actual gifts. 

Or at least, you thought you’d gotten all of the notes out. Clearly, you hadn’t. 

“Don’t open that!” you blurt out, lurching forward and attempting to snatch the paper from Eddie. It only makes his smirk grow, hand shooting out away from you, glancing wildly between you and the kiss-stained paper. 

“Now you’ve really got me curious,” he mocks, pulling a face at you as he brings the paper back to his face, beginning to unfold it. 

“No, Eddie, seriously, don’t read it. Please. It was so stupid, I- Robin and I were drinking, and I just…” you trail off in your explanation as he completely disregards you and his eyes trail over your scribbled words. 

You didn’t even know which one had been left behind. You could only hope it was one of the less vulgar ones. 

“Is this a joke?” he asks softly. You’re shocked - you’d expected merciless teasing. Not whatever look was currently in his eyes. 

“What?” you ask, trying to peer over to see what the paper said. Depending on which dumb coupon it was, your answer would change, “I- Sort of. Maybe. No. I don’t know.” 

You begin to wring your hands in your lap, waiting for him to respond. You felt so nauseated you considered escaping to the bathroom. Maybe you could die of embarrassment in the Munson men’s bathtub. 

But then you remember it’s the Munson men’s bathtub, and decide the better fate may lay here, Eddie glancing up at you with moving curiosity, eyebrows furrowed. 

Your cheeks burn crimson as you wish for the Earth to swallow you whole. 

“Yes or no? Is it a joke?” he asks again, a stern tone that manages to not come across angry. 

Your stomach and chest twist in sync, “No. It isn’t a joke.” 

Suddenly, Eddie is taking the note and thrusting it towards you, eyes blown wide and chest heaving. 

“Then I’d like to redeem it now, please.” 

You don’t realize it, but the room had started spinning the moment Eddie had read what was written down. It felt like a dream - a dream he’d indulged in with no hopes of it ever coming true for an embarrassingly long amount of time now. 

Your hands shake as you reach out to take the note from him, and you look down to see just how much drunk you had screwed you over in this moment. 

In your messy handwriting, it reads: Coupon for Eddie Munson - good for one (1) kiss. To be redeemed at Eddie’s discretion. 

You breathe out a sigh of relief, thankful it wasn't a vulgar one, before the reality of what Eddie had just requested hits you.  

“Did you just- did you just say you want to redeem it now?” 

Eddie nods, a determined look crossing his face, “Yes, please.” 

You both stare at each other for a moment, letting the emotions in the air sink in. It takes a moment before you both break out into withheld, shy smiles. 

“Okay,” you sigh. 

Before you can overthink it, you’re both leaning forward, Eddie’s hands cupping your cheeks as his lips meet yours tenderly. It’s just a peck, nothing more, but it sends your heart into cardiac arrest. You can still taste the jolly ranchers on his lips, and he tastes the sweet mint of the candy cane on yours. 

You both pull back slightly, his hands not leaving your face, knees pressing together. Your eyes had fluttered close, and you don’t have the guts to open them quite yet and face the consequences of what had just happened between the two of you. 

“I like you,” you admit quietly, your entire body tensing as you await rejection.

It doesn’t come. Instead, you’re met with the sound of Eddie’s gentle voice, “I like you, too.” 

Your eyes finally spring open to already find him staring at you with adoration. “You do?” 

“Of course I do, sweetheart. I let you touch my first sweetheart. I only give that privilege to the prettiest of girls,” he laughs, eyes flickering to your lips but still keeping his distance. 

“You’ve only let me have that privilege.” 

“Exactly.” 

He finally closes the distance again, lips slotting against yours as if they’re meant to be. Something clicks in the Universe, something that says that this is right and meant to happen. Two years of silent and hopeless pining, only to find out both your feelings were returned. It leaves the two of you delirious as you both deepen the kiss. Somehow, Eddie ends up scooting up his bed until his back meets the wall where his headboard would be if he had one, you straddling his lap. It’s all still so innocent; just the two of you, soft and sickly sweet kisses as you hold one another as if you expect the other to vanish. 

“Merry Christmas, Eds,” you repeat your earlier statement and reach up to his gifted locket on instinct now. It feels right. You and him this close, you and him kissing, the photo of you resting against your chest where it belongs. 

“Best Christmas ever,” he chuckles before he captures you in another kiss. 

He’s right. It’s safe to say the two of you struggle to ever top that Christmas. You make it a running joke to always include coupons in his stocking from that year on. Each year, the coupons get better, sometimes raunchy and sometimes just downright adorable. 

Good for one cuddle. 

Good for one blowjob (don’t waste it).

Good for one surprise date night. 

They’re always fairly clever, and each year, he thinks you get closer to topping that first note. 

But it’s not until years down the road, when the two of you sit across from each other in your now shared living room, in some big city you now call home, that he knows that he had finally topped that year. The look on your face when you dig into the bottom of your stocking, finding the small box that contains the diamond ring he’d been saving up for ever since that first kiss, tells him everything he needs to know. 

It’s still pretty nice when he hears you squeal yes out loud, though.

[kkpwnall]

for the kindest, darlingest, most effervescent sen @fragilecapric0rnn 💜 just a little something for you. i’m so proud and grateful to call us friends, you’re thoughtful and hilarious, and so willing to go to the mat for your friends. you’re a brilliant writer and the sweetest cheerleader. i hope you have an incredible day, and an even better year ahead of you, i’m so excited to see where life and writing and everything else takes you!! you deserve the whole world. love you lots <33

It might have been harder to say goodbye if it was a nicer day. If the sun was shining, and the leaves were changing, and a cool autumn breeze blew all around them. Instead Hawkins chewed them up and spit them out the other side like it had so many times before. The sky above them opened up just as they loaded the last of the boxes in the back of the small uhaul, leaving them soaked to the skin as they threw the last of their essentials and themselves into the cab. They left town shivering and laughing uncontrollably, middle fingers out the window. Ecstatic to finally get out of that hometown hell. 

It’s all worth it, driving thousands of miles across the country, towing the beamer behind them. It’s worth it trying to navigate the narrow streets of San Francisco and getting lost at least three times before they find their new apartment. It’s worth the hike uphill from the closest parking spot big enough for the truck, and up another three flights of stairs, when Eddie unlocks the door and gallantly bows him inside. Steve wanders from kitchen to bathroom to bedroom, imaging the bed here, a bookshelf there, the desk under this window. Eddie’s amps and instruments in that corner, Steve’s sport’s equipment in the hall closet near the door, easy to grab. Before coming back to the living room with its big bright windows and view of the bay. 

Tomorrow, their friends will come by to help them unload the truck and unpack, get paid in pizza and beer and belly laughs. In a few days, a few weeks, they’ll settle in, find the grocery store, find jobs. Learn the city and meet their neighbors. In six months, a year, two years, theirs will be the place to crash for anyone visiting, anyone who needs somewhere to stay, somewhere to go.

They’ll argue and make up and struggle, lose friends and jobs and find so much better. They’ll get bad haircuts and grow weird facial hair and make questionable fashion choices. They’ll stay up late crying over things they can’t change and things they can. They’ll celebrate the new year and birthdays and lives cut too short and new ones beginning. They’ll grow and change into people they wouldn’t recognize when they were younger. 

Tonight though, it’s just Steve and Eddie, finally someplace where the ground beneath them won’t open up and try to swallow them whole. Somewhere they can be together and not have to look over their shoulders all the time. Somewhere they can be themselves, be just Steve and just Eddie, and figure all the rest out without a world-ending apocalypse every year. Together.

All the frustration and stress and hoping and wishing and scraping by of the past three years, it’s all worth it when Eddie comes up behind him, wraps his arms around Steve’s waist and hooks his chin over his shoulder. Pulls him close and whispers, “welcome home, sweetheart.”

[strangerquinns]

Eddie munson enemies to lovers pleasee and not in high school something more mature lol

Eddie Munson x Female Reader

Eddie & Reader are in their mid-20s // Corroded Coffin is a regular at the bar you work at. And every night you have an encounter with the lead singer, you can't help but feel both irritation and attraction. Especially when he flashes that cocky smile and pushes your buttons on purpose. tw: assault (not described, just a moment)

words: 2.4k+

The smell of cigarettes, beer, and sweat filled the air around you as you moved along behind the bar. It was another crowded Friday night. Your skin was already starting to feel sticky from the heat that was filling the small dive bar where you worked at. It was a few miles outside of Indianapolis and over the years we became more and more popular. Especially with local bands coming through the spot and booking slots or just playing for the weekend.

But tonight was busier than usual.

"Hey, sweetheart," a familiar voice spoke from in front of you.

When your eyes looked up from the counter you were wiping down, you were welcomed by warm brown eyes. You couldn't help the slight scowl that came across your face when you looked at him. It only seemed to amuse him by causing a bellowing chuckle to come from him.

"What do you want, Munson," You spoke, placing the rag back on the rack, before turning to pour a few more drinks.

"Oh, come on, don't be like that," Eddie spoke, leaning forward on the counter slightly. He was closer now letting you get a whiff of his scent. It was a musky, woodsy cologne with an underlining of leather and cigarettes.

You tried ignoring how it made your heart lurch for a moment.

"Don't you have a set to prepare for?" You spoke, clear annoyance in your tone.

Eddie chuckled again as he watched you move quickly behind the bar, filling and taking orders from patrons that lined the bar.

You and Eddie met a couple of years ago when he and the rest of Corroded Coffin came to audition for a slot for the weekends. The band go the Friday and Saturday night slot which was one of the main reasons that weekends were packed as much as they were. But it seemed from the moment that the two of you met, you annoyed one another. At first, it was light teasing here or there. Eddie was naturally teasing but it seemed to not mesh with your personality.

Not to say that there weren't moments you and Eddie didn't get along. But those moments were rare.

"What if I wanted to come and annoy you a little first?" Eddie cocked a brow, before reaching behind the counter and helping himself to the beer.

"Hey!" You shouted, glaring at him, and swatting his hands away. "What the hell, Munson!"

"What?!" He shrugged his shoulders, taking a drink from his glass. "Jerry said I can help myself whenever I want,"

"That doesn't include my bar!" You shouted.

Eddie's eyes shined and gleamed with mischief that you could see even in the dim light of the bar. The smile he gave you was wide enough to have his dimples show. Once again you ignored the butterflies in your stomach as you watched him walk away. You let out an exasperated sigh, rolling your eyes, before getting back to work.

"So cute how you pretend to hate him," Your co-worker, Sondra, spoke with a smirk. "

You scoffed, "Shut up, you know that's not true."

"Do I?" She smirked "You two seem to flirt with bullying and annoying one another. It's adorable."

"I do not like him." You spoke sternly. But instead, Sondra laughed and shook her head, her blonde curls bouncing around her face, as she turned back to the bar.

Time seemed to move quickly within the chaos of the bar. The blaring sound of a guitar amp sounded from the front stage followed by a loud cheer from the crowd. You didn't even have to look toward the stage to know it was Corroded Coffin. Sondra once again laughed as she saw you intensely roll your eyes as Eddie's voice came over the speakers.

But only minutes later she caught you staring up toward the stage with a different look in your eyes, and it wasn't one of hate or annoyance. One would even say that it was slightly dreamy as you watched Eddie on stage. It was hard to not be captivated by the lead singer. He demanded the attention of the crowd whenever he performed, and you weren't immune to it either.

You looked over when you felt eyes on you and saw Sondra smirking knowingly at you.

"Shut up, I don't want to hear it." You spoke with a sharp gaze.

"I didn't say anything," Sondra shrugged her shoulders slightly, before turning back to serve the new patron that had walked up to the bar.

~.~

You moved around the bar picking up empty glasses from tables and slowly starting the cleanup process. The speakers were switched back to the bar music now that Corroded Coffin was done with their set. The bar was thinned out slightly and it seemed that the only ones left behind were the drunks, the regulars, and the groupies. When you walked by the booth where Eddie and the rest of his bandmates were sitting - you couldn't stop the eyeroll and scowl.

Of course, Eddie saw the look on your face when you walked by, and he thought it was adorable.

You returned back to the bar with your tray full of empty glasses and set them down from Sondra to start on. You were leaning over the front when you felt someone come up behind you. Being groped at the bar, sadly, happened more often than not. No matter what you were wearing, a drunk patrons took it upon themselves to place their hands on you. When you felt the grab and pinch on your ass, your natural reaction was to shriek and jump back.

Eddie's head snapped up at the sound of your scream and looked across the bar in the direction of the noise.

"What the fuck!" You screamed out and pushed on the chest of the dude in front of you.

Your face was twisted with anger, Sondra behind you exactly the same. Eddie didn't think twice as he stood from the booth and charged in your direction. But what he wasn't expecting, and honestly surprised him in a good way, was seeing you slap the man in front of you.

"Don't even think about it, buddy," Eddie spoke, coming up behind the guy and grabbing him by the shoulders before he could go at you again.

Eddie moved quickly and practically dragged the stranger across the bar and threw him out the door. He noticed Gareth and Jeff moving beside him and working to block the door as the stranger tried coming back in. His face was red with anger as he shouted at Eddie. But Eddie didn't even pay him any attention. Instead, he turned back to the bar in search of you.

"She's in the backroom," Sondra spoke up when she noticed Eddie looking around for you. Her face was now gone from the anger and instead soft with concern.

Eddie moved down the hallway that was off to the side of the bar. Walking past the doors for the bathroom and greenroom before coming upon a worn down door with Employees Only on the front. Eddie knocked twice not wanting to intrude or scare you.

"Sondra, I'm fine...just need a moment..." You called out through the door. The shake in your voice was enough to make Eddie's stomach and chest twist.

"It's me," Eddie spoke back.

There was a heavy silence before the sound of footsteps could be heard and soon the click of the door opening. Eddie stood there for a second before stepping through the door and coming into the employee room. You were pacing around the room slowly when Eddie stepped in, closing the door behind him, but not moving from the door itself.

"I know you said you're fine, but...are you?" Eddie asked gently.

You stopped with a heavy breath and looked at him. You could see the deep, sincere, concern reflecting in his large brown eyes. Eddie may look scared to the outside world with his long, dark curly hair, tattoos, and attire. But deep down it didn't take much to see that deep down he was the kindest person.

Even if he got on your nerves sometimes.

"This isn't the first time I've been groped in the bar," You spoke up.

That brought a deep frown to his face. "And Jerry does nothing about it?"

You chuckled with false humor, "If Jerry banned every pervert from his bar then there wouldn't be a bar."

That only made a wave of more fierce anger flash in Eddie's eyes. He sighed deeply and ran his hand over his face and along his jaw.

"That's bullshit," Eddie cursed, placing his hands on his waist and shaking his head.

"I've learned to handle myself, I'm a big girl."

Eddie laughed, "Oh I saw that, sweetheart. Had a fierce backhand on you there."

You felt a small smirk tug on the corner of your lips as you shyly looked at him. "Thanks,"

Eddie stepped away from the door and moved closer to you. You were now sat on the couch and he took the seat beside you.

"Listen...I-I know that you don't particularly like me...but if you need someone to keep an eye on you. Or walk you to your car at night...anything...let me know. If you don't want me around, I can get Gareth or Jeff to do it."

You stared at Eddie in a way that made his heart jump and speeds back up. Your eyes moved from his lips back to his eyes before shyly looking away.

"What made you think that I don't like you?" You asked softly. "It's usually you being the asshole."

Eddie cocked a brow, "Asshole? Really?"

"No," You blushed and looked away, "You're not an asshole. Annoying as shit sometimes...but not an asshole."

"I mean...I can be an asshole don't get me wrong." Eddie chuckled "You just make it so easy to tease you,"

You rolled your eyes at him but also couldn't stop the laugh that slipped through your lips.

"I don't dislike you, Munson. And I really appreciate you coming to my aid," You spoke with a lightness to your voice. "Thank you,"

"Of course, sweetheart."

There was something in Eddie's voice that was different. There wasn't the teasing tone anymore when he said, sweetheart. Instead, his voice was a little deeper, huskier, to where it made you breathless for a moment.

~.~

You stood beside the back door as you watched Eddie and the rest of the band slowly pack their van back up. You blew the smoke of your cigarette into the cool Indiana air, Sondra beside you smoking as well. She was talking about something going on with her and her girlfriend but your focus wasn't on your friend. Instead, it was on the metalhead only a few feet away heaving amps and guitar cases into the back of a rusty van.

"...you haven't heard one word I have at all, have you?" Sondra asked with another knowing smirk on her red-painted lips.

"Huh?" You snapped your head back to her, deflating slightly when you realized what she said. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't be. You're just checking Eddie out...understandable."

"I was-"

"Don't lie. I see it...he's hot...if I weren't into girls I would try him for a spin like other little girlies do after the shows." Sondra shrugged, dropping her cigarette bud to the floor, and smashing it with her boot. "He seemed really concerned with you earlier,"

"Yeah, he came and checked on me. He's not that bad actually." You shrugged before finishing off your cigarette.

"Maybe go and ask him out finally now"

You hesitated for a moment and moved to look back to where the van was parked. You could hear Eddie joking around with his bandmates as they finished packing up. For just a moment Eddie paused and turned in your direction. He saw you standing there with the slight glow of the street light behind you. He couldn't stop but reach a hand up to wave at you.

Just seeing you standing there really knocked him back for a moment. He'd always thought you were beautiful. But it was like now there was something else that was really making him speechless.

You waved back with a small smile before he rounded the van and got in behind the wheel.

"After playing hero, you finally make a move with the bartender?" Gareth asked from beside him.

"First of all, her name is Y/N, and second of all...no." Eddie spoke

A round of groans sounded from the others in the van as he drove through the dark and quiet streets back toward their apartment.

"I swear to god, if you don't make a move and ask her out, I'm gonna do it myself." Mark groaned

"Don't you fucking dare," Eddie threatened, his voice stern

~.~

It was another busy Saturday night and a week since it seemingly came to a truce between you and Eddie. When he came in to set up for his set before the bar opened, you waved with a genuine smile. He quickly returned it with a smile.

You stood behind the bar drying off the glasses that you'd washed for the night when you heard heavy booted footsteps headed in your direction. When you peeked your head up, you were welcomed by Eddie's smiling face.

"Hey, sweetheart." Eddie leaned forward on his arms on top of the bar top.

"Munson," You slyly smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"Whatever's on tap?" You nodded your head and quickly poured him a glass, "It's weird you just doing something nice without a quick little remark coming from you."

"Came to the conclusion you're not an asshole, remember," You spoke while placing the pint down in front of him.

"So we're friends?" Eddie asked

"Yeah, friends," You placed both your hands on the bar to lean toward him slightly. The two of you are in each other's space comfortably.

A slow smirk spread across Eddie's lush lips with his dark eyes looking down to your lips before coming back to your face. He leaned in slightly, before grabbing his beer, and stepping away.

"Thanks, babe," He rose the glass up before turning and walking away.

You stood there with your mouth slightly agape as you watched him walk away. A small scuff slipped through your lips as you stepped back and turned back to your task.

It seemed now you were learning the new side of Eddie, the flirtatious side.

note: this is more enemies to flirty friends, but, I had way too much fun with this. probably is most likely shit, but if you enjoyed let me know!

[tabethawithane]

Alright, here’s my season 4 spoiler-riddled rant under the cut. You have been warned.

The Good:

- Great character development for Oliver. I like his budding friendship and camaraderie with Charlie. One of the worst things about this show is the endless revolving door of secondary characters (wonder if it doesn’t pay enough), so it was great to have these characters shine this season.

- The flashback episode. I’ve been begging for this since season one. Props to the actress who played Eliza’s mannerisms perfectly. Young William was laying it on thick with his over enunciation in an attempt at a Glasgow accent, but I still found him charming. I think the flashback kiss happened bit too early on in their friendship timeline, but I love that it was Eliza who initiated it. 10/10 execution. Will rewatch 4x.

- William looking longingly at Eliza in every shared scene. It was amped up to 1000 this season and I was living for every minute of it.

- Mysteries were still fun and well written. I enjoyed them.

The Bad:

- Eliza – Her character has stagnated. Instead of letting the character see newfound success this season, the creators reduced her to once again “woman trying to make ends meet running a failing business while navigating sexism”. I hate that it came out at the end that her failure was in large part due to her angrily firing 4 of Nash & Sons staff, making them all quit and sabotaging her own success. What was the point honestly? To end up back at her old office? Sure she has Clarence now, unless he disappears like all the other secondary characters.

- Eliza with William – I understand that their main conflict in pursuing a relationship is her career, and I grasp the magnitude of the fear she has that she’ll have to give it up. But this was the first season where I wondered if Eliza is actually interested in William at all beyond as a friend. She was visibly uncomfortable with every one of his romantic advancements and she low-key just stood there when he kissed her. She also didn’t say she loved him back. It almost made me uncomfortable to watch his confession, which is not what I was expecting after rooting for them for years. Also the audacity to send him generic “my day is going well” friendly letters after he confessed he’s in love with her. Girl please put this man and me out of our misery.

- Nash – Absolute character assassination. Enough said.

At this point, I’m genuinely unsure of the trajectory of the show. I think it might be best if they end it after one more season because dragging it out is just making the writing flaws so much more obvious. Also, Stuart seems to have one foot out the door and if he leaves the show before it’s over the whole thing collapses.

[thepinklink]

For your letter ask game: Y

Y - IAU Legend Gets Stabbed but Different

This one is clearly set in @skyward-floored’s Incredibles AU XD it was one of many attempts at writing a gift (which is still in the works) for her. It was an attempt at a sequel to her Febuwhump Day 14, Bloodstained Tiles, in which Legend gets stabbed after sneaking out and Wild and Wind help him. I tried this approach more than once before deciding it wasn’t going to work out XD a few other letters have been assigned to some of these other attempts :)

I also just thought this wasn’t very well written, hence I abandoned it. I struggle to continue things I perceive as done badly. Here’s the entirety of this snippet:

When Malon wakes up in the morning, Legend has caught whatever Hyrule had, and Hyrule was worse than he was yesterday. At least, that’s what it seemed like. But a cold did not really account for how weak and shaky Legend was when he got up. It was also strange that it seemed to have come out of nowhere, with no sore throat, no sniffles or coughs or reluctance to eat. In fact, Legend was starving, and thirsty. Oddly enough, she also finds several of her towels in the drier, and the bathroom has a just-cleaned shine. Four, Wild and Wind all have circles under their eyes. She asks them all what happened, and they claim Hyrule was really sick last night. Like, super sick, and he threw up a lot and they didn’t want to bother her or Time and just cleaned it up themselves. Malon is inclined to believe it, especially when Hyrule seems to get similarly sick later that same day. So she brushes it off, and forgets about it—an easy feat in a house of eight people. For a while, at least.

- some years later -

A nightmare wakes Malon. She tries, to no avail, to fall back asleep for perhaps twenty minutes before she acknowledges the lingering anxiety from the dream and decides a cup of chamomile tea will settle her nerves and help her get back to sleep.

Careful not to jostle her husband too much (though it hardly mattered, the man slept like a rock), she slipped out of bed, wrapped herself in her silky robe and tucked her feet into her worn slippers before shuffling quietly into the kitchen.

The house is silent, a fact which in itself makes Malon feel better. Once upon a time, such silence unnerved her, but nowadays, she knows it means all her boys are asleep, safe and warm in their beds and there is something comforting to her about that. She doesn’t quite know why, but she doesn’t complain and keeps going towards the kitchen. When she gets to the kitchen, however, she’s surprised to see someone already there.

She thinks one of her sons must have gotten a snack—Wild is known to get the munchies at night—but the figure’s build doesn’t match Wild’s. On top of that, Wild’s midnight snacks usually consist of whatever ancient, long-lost things he finds in the pantry. When she finds him in the kitchen at night, he’s haunched over an expired bag of animal crackers. Not haunched over the sink, murmuring to himself and apparently playing in the water by the light of his phone’s flashlight.

A bad feeling rises in Malon’s stomach. She doesn’t know why.

“Legend…?” She says softly, able to recognize her son even in the terrible, low light. He freezes, glances over his shoulder at his mom.

“Mom! Hi,” his voice is slightly strained. “What are you doing awake at this hour? Are you alright?”

She frowns. She knows that tone, the inflection. He’s amping up the concern, trying to distract her from him by acting extra sweet. It’s something all her boys do when they don’t want her noticing something. It has worked very few times without her allowing it to. This won’t be one of them.

“I could ask the same of you,” she says. She keeps her words firm, but light, so he knows he won’t be getting out of this but she isn’t angry.

“Uhh…” he hands shift nervously in the sink water. He doesn’t say anything.

She approaches him, flicking on the kitchen lights. She looks into the sink and sees his super suit, submerged in cloudy reddish water. Legend’s arms are covered in cuts and bruises, and he won’t look at her.

“Legend. Look at me.”

His shoulders are tense. After a second, he turns his face to look down into the sink water, rather than at her. It’s enough to get a visual on what she wanted—a blossoming black eye, split lip and other minor nicks on his face.

“You went out, didn’t you.”

His silence is answer enough.

“Legend…” Malon struggles to find the words, caught between worry and anger born of worry. “Legend…I—“

“I know the risks.” Legend cuts in. “I know. I know what you and dad said. I’m not stupid, or deaf. People need help. And I can help them.”

“…That’s not—“

“I do help them, in fact, I saved a dozen lives tonight. And I didn’t die, I can hold my own. I don’t need to be babied or anything, I can handle my own consequences.”

[thelazykiwi]

My Favorite CAS Mods & Sliders!

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ Hi friends! I made a video to show and recommend all of the mods I mention in this post, here they all are! Enjoy :) ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

1. CAS Background - ellcrze

https://www.patreon.com/posts/cas-background-76389098

2. Stand Still In CAS - MizoreYukki

https://modthesims.info/d/630172/stand-still-in-cas-amp-no-occult-animations-version-shimrod101-amp-shooksims.html

3. More Traits In CAS - Thepancake1 & MizoreYukki

https://www.patreon.com/posts/more-traits-in-62838078

4. More Columns In CAS - weerbesu

https://www.patreon.com/posts/more-columns-in-27751117

5. Minimal CC Wrench Icon Override - Rheallsims

https://rheallsim.tumblr.com/post/634815036656910336/minimalist-cc-icon-cc-wrench-replacement-mod-i

6. Tidy Details & Tattoos - SoaringSparrows

https://sparrowcc.tumblr.com/post/177212146073/i-cant-be-the-only-person-out-there-with-more

7. EA Teeth Begone - Pyxis

http://pyxiidis.blogspot.com/2017/04/ea-teeth-begone-default-replacement.html

8. No EA Eyelashes - CIEŃ Z RÓŻĄ

https://cienzroza.blogspot.com/2017/04/soon-little-thing.html

9. Default Underwear Replacement - akalukery

https://www.patreon.com/posts/softe-collection-37572637

10. Pouty Lip Slider - Miiko

https://www.patreon.com/posts/pouty-lip-slider-38539565

11. Eyebrow Slider - Miiko

https://www.patreon.com/posts/eyebrow-slider-39393841

12. Chin Slider - Miiko

https://miikocc.tumblr.com/post/648360817514971136/chin-slider

13. Body Sliders For Days - Vibrantpixels

https://vibrantpixels.tumblr.com/post/175318602867/body-sliders-for-days-4ooo-followers-gift

14. Sim Height Slider - Luumia

https://luumiasims.com/post/174867678324/height-slider-a-slider-that-changes-the-height-of

15. Body Presets - Miiko

https://miikocc.tumblr.com/post/642048598564077568/updates-improvements-skins-body-presets-eyes

16. Eye Shine Remover - Luumia

https://luumiasims.com/post/176055728626/pretty-self-explanatory-a-mod-that-removes-the

17. CAS Lighting - simplyanjuta

https://simplyanjuta.tumblr.com/post/664688629684273152/cas-lighting-city-light-neutral-light

18. No Glo V2 - Luumia

https://luumiasims.com/post/167217001494/i-released-the-noglo-mod-about-a-year-and-a-half

19. No Blu V2 - Luumia

https://luumiasims.com/post/176043227929/its-been-well-over-a-year-since-noblu-v1-came-out

20. Gshade

https://gposers.com/gshade/

Gshade Presets:

- Ellcrze Gshade - ellcrze

https://www.patreon.com/posts/ellcrze-gshade-73602147?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

- Coco Dreams - simbeautyguru

https://www.patreon.com/posts/coco-dreams-67706744?epik=dj0yJnU9U0pWS2laODB4U0YzOFZyR1dpVTdHTHA4bTR0ZHMxTXomcD0wJm49Wmx4RE4wdmp6U2liVTdmakhmWlFHQSZ0PUFBQUFBR056bUFR

- Strawberry - MidsummerMoon20

https://midsummermoon20.tumblr.com/post/695690104819400704/neapolitan-gshade-preset-collection-comes-with-3

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

If this post makes no sense to you, you probably haven’t watched my video lol, that’s okay, I’ll link it for you!

Video Link: https://youtu.be/_AFDZsKjBss

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Anyway that’s all guys, check out my channel and other platforms if you haven’t already, love ya!

https://linktr.ee/the.lazy.kiwi

~Kiwi

[not-goldy]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nationalheraldindia.com/amp/story/international/skorean-cabinet-passes-bills-to-allow-single-people-to-adopt

Simple

It's only been 1 yr since this new ammendment. And it's gonna be even easier in 10- 15 years as single parent system is increasing rapidly because most korean woman wants to get married/get pregnant and birth rate is declining. So if he wants kids while also being with JK.. all he wants to do is adopt a baby while being single dad officially. He satisfies all official criteria as of now.. he got money and influence which makes legal processes easier and makes him 10x privileged than average single parent.

Do you all really think Jikook 'luckily' won that lottery system to enlist together? Be fr. They might have started the procedures in August but I bet they didn't had to go through 'computer lottery selection'.. they got power, they got money, they got influence, they are governments fav child who they want to finish service fast and start milking, they will be promoted two times faster than average soldier, they will be appointed as head roles in their camps, they will be allowed for companion enlistment if they applied for that, THEY ARE BTS... ONE OF THE PROMINENT PEOPLE IN SK. If SK government approved a Korean queer couple to enlist together and turned a blind eye towards all those protests against it... they don't mind Park Jimin adopting a baby while being in a relationship with Jeon Jungkook. All they want is a official record signing Park Jimin is a single parent, just to make legal sides clear... with whom he's raising that kid is not their concern.

Yea I'm done with them.

They know and admit Jikook have privilege and power but fail to see how and where that privilege and power works in their favor.

Personally I don't want them to just adopt, although any child they adopt would be so lucky- and my goodness would it be nice if they adopt children of different races😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I will uproot my life and volunteer as nanny with no pay for the rest of my life. I will take care of them kids like they are the most precious beings on this earth🥺

I do want to see their own biological kids too you know?

A Mini Min with his father's eyes and lips and if they turn out even more androgynous with big booty then what😩

Also they will be so loved by us BTS and their kids🥺

One wrote in and said, well single father has nothing to do with Jungkook. They think JM would have to cut Jungkook out of his life at some point in order to live a traditional life.

They are very very highly ignorant if that's what they think. Jungkook will forever be a part of JMs life unless they fall out of love at some point- and even then they would be very good friends too.

Like I said it's his choice and he certainly has options if all that is in his way is institutionalized homophobia.

They came up with a travel documentary as an excuse to go on a trip together before serving they can certainly come up with a billion other creative ways to enjoy a fulfilling life together.

If not, then all the more reason for them to enjoy it while it last. What is it JK says, make hay while the sun shine.

Two years ago I almost broke up with my girl for good because of these uncertainties. I knew I didn't want children, didn't even consider let alone desire marriage because coming from a very conservative Christian black home, that's not an option to marry a woman. You can't be gay and you can't be unmarried and childless. And for me, those who know think it's some sort of phase I will outgrow once I'm faced with reality.

So while I am this way, hiding the truth of what I am from people in my life, openly living in my truth when I'm away from my family- I'm learning to stand up to them. To confront them with my truths without shame and with confidence.

I'm not hiding anymore- may be a little. Lol. But I'm not making excuses anymore. I'm not telling them, I'm still young I'll worry about that latter. I'm not saying, she's just a good friend. That the rumors are false. That I'm waiting for the right one, that I haven't found the right man- I'm not saying all that anymore.

I may not able to tell it as it is but I'm telling exactly what it is not.

No I don't want a wedding but yes I do want life long commitment and I want legal rights with it dammit

I want consistent immutable inalienable rights and that is more important to me than having kids getting married and all that other stuff.

I want to be able to live my life in peace and not worry about changing laws that give one minute and take away the next.

I want freedom. I want paradise.

and may be one day I'll want children may be I won't.

I want what I want and I don't want what I don't want. I'm manifesting for myself through positive affirmations.

Nothing is as black and white as they make it seem.

And I'm cautious in this discourse because some have committed suicide rather than "face reality" or choose to conform to these societal standards they are perpetuating and wielding over jikook's heads.

They are perpetuating the very thing oppressing us and the very thing we spend most of our lives fighting.

They are not saying if Jikook are gay this system would be a challenge for them as it has been for others, they are saying this is the system and Jikook have no right to go against it. This is the system, they must conform to the status quo as many queer men have and they will.

There's something oppresive, sinister and disturbing about that to me. The lengths they will sink to to invalidate Jikook is crazy.

On the flip side, pointing out Jikook's privileges too too much also alienates them and puts a target on their backs as we might make it look as if they would not have to face all the many real struggles others face due to their sexual orientation in SK. It's a lose lose situation however you look at it.

It's their life their choice and whatever they choose to do is very valid. I'm sorry to Jikook they have to deal with this and I pray things get better in SK over time as you have rightfully pointed out.

I stand with Jikook and every queer person in that system. Things are a bit better today compared to years ago but boy are they living in the vip region of hell.

And Bang PD's advice to that artist about the challenges he would face if he chooses to live his truth and wear heels will always give me comfort especially the fact he was willing to help him make it work in his career in spite of the odds against him

I know, there are people close to jikook with the same mentality. They know the "reality" and situation on the ground, they empathize with them, are willing to direct them on how to make it work if they choose this path and so they don't feel isolated.

Please help me support Jikook okay? Stay with them to the end, pray for them love them fight for them.

The challenges they face, I wish I could say it's all just fiction, it's real, it's dangerous, it's traumatizing, the mental turmoil alone is

Sigh.

Support Jikook. Jikook is real.

[popcrone818]

How Could You Know - Luke Morrow

Part One    Series Masterlist   Main Masterlist 

Part one is here baby !! please enjoy and leave feedback.

As I walked out of the Drug Rehab Centre in Oceanside, I was greeted by the sun shining in my face and my sister Camille holding a bouquet of flowers, her olive skin shining in the heat of the California sun.

“Its good to have you back, I've missed you so much.” She pulled me into a bone crushing hug before she helped me load my bags in the trunk of her beat up old car.

“I’ve missed you too. It’s been so long since I've seen the outside world.” We hopped into the cab of her car as she handed me the flowers she had gotten me.

“It really has been such a long time,” she pulled out of the parking lot and headed in the direction of her house on the beach. Camille was a hard-working bartender and business owner. She owns her own dive bar with the help of her business partner Billy.  With her income she was able to afford a lavish home with beach views.

Once we pulled up, she grabbed my bags and unlocked her front door for me to follow her in.

“So, I do have to work tonight, but after the girls have finished on stage, you’ll have me all night long. We can have a few drinks and then get food on our way home and watch crappy movies.” I nodded at her as she showed me the room that she had converted for me to live in. She nodded as I sat on the bed in the centre of the room.

I watched as she backed out of the room. I looked around at my new room, everything seemed new, and I didn’t know how to take it all in. I had been in rehab for the last 12 months everything was so different for me now. I had been sober for a year now no more drugs running through my veins. Camille and I had lost our mother 6 months ago and I couldn’t even get a day pass to attend her funeral. I pulled out a photo frame from my bag. In the picture two little girls smiled up at me with an older woman behind the girls. My beautiful mother was the one who made me get help. She was the reason that I pushed myself to get better so I could come home to her. And now I’ll never be able to see her beautiful smile again. I watched a small tear drip onto the frame as I placed it on the side table and started to unpack my bag.

An hour later Camille popped her head in to see how I was going. I was sitting on the bed with a book in my hands and looked up.

“You ready to head out?” I nodded and pulled on my leather jacket as I followed her out the door. I noticed the bar was already fairly full when we walked in, and I pulled my jacket tighter around my body. Camille squeezed my shoulder before heading behind the bar. I took a seat at the bar and she handed me a glass of coke. I spun around to watch band play. The lead singer was Cassie Salazar, she used to babysit me and my best friend Frankie Mabuthia, I watched fondly as she took over the stage, she was going to be big one day. She used to teach me piano when she would babysit me, I don’t play anymore but I wish I did and I wish I still could. I twirled the straw in my drink as Billy pulled the cords out of amp effectively shutting off the mic as Cassie was introducing the band. She and Nora, the other waitress, made their way over to me and the bar.

“Omg! Callie! Your back? When did you get back?” Cassie pulled up off my seat and into a crushing hug.

“I got out today, Cam had to work so you could rock the stage, then were going to get greasy food and watch crappy movies when we get home.” I waved to Nora as Cassie tied her apron around her waist.

“Cassie, your favourite people are here.” Nora nodded to the group of Marines that just walked into the bar. I rolled me eyes a long with Cassie as she and Nora made their way over to get their orders. I looked back down at my drink waiting for Cam to come out from the back so we could get on with this girls night we had planned.

“Cal! Get your ass over here.” I looked up at my name and noticed Cassie standing with the Marines gesturing me over to them. I groaned but got off my seat leaving my drink and walked the few steps to the group. Cassie was talking animatedly to a dark-skinned man with a buzz cut, as I approached he turned around and I jumped into his arms. His arms wound around my back as my legs wrapped around his hips. I held him close tears brimming my eyes.

“It’s so good to see you too Ope.” I pulled away from him and jumped down suddenly remembering we weren’t the only ones here. Frankie pulled me to his side as he gestured around to the boys. “These are the guys, were shipping off to Iraq in two weeks.”  

“Since when have you been a Marine?” I asked him as I punched his shoulder.

“6 months, after your, after everything I wanted to go out and do something, be someone other than just another taxpayer. We’ve been in training ever since. You look good, it helped you a lot.” I nodded and looked down, being reminded of where I had been and what I had missed.  “Guys, this is Calliope, my very best friend in the whole world. Cassie used to babysit us.” I watched as Cassie blushed and looked around at the other guys. My eyes followed hers and my heart leapt into my throat. I pushed Frankie away and took a step back. It felt like I had seen a ghost, a ghost of my past I was hoping to forget. My hands started to shake as I continued to back up. Johno’s face flew through my mind and as I felt the cold the concrete of the bar on my knees I felt a soft pair of large hands gently take hold of my shoulders.

“Callie, hold your breath, your having a panic attack.” His sweet deep voice floated through my ears, the breakup of music to hear his voice helped bring me back from my panic. My green eyes flicked up to his hazel ones, tears were freely running down my face now. I looked over his shoulder at his Marine buddies. I noticed Frankie was standing right behind Luke. His expression one of realisation. I looked back at Luke willing my tears to stop but looking at him just brought back memories, memories I had tried so hard to forget, to push away. The way he made me feel in the last year or two before he went away. And he was here sober as well by the looks of things. Luke helped me up off the ground and helped me walk back over to the others. Cassie had brought over drinks for everyone before one of the bigger Marines spoke up.

“So, were good enough to save your ass but not good enough to touch it?” I watched as she walked away shaking her head. Luke handed me to Frankie and made to follow Cassie. I felt something deep in the pit of my stomach wake up before I turned my head back to Frankie and the guys. I wiped away my tears and looked at each one of them. Without Luke near me it was easier to not break down.

“I need names for whose ass I'm kicking if this one comes home injured.” I joked poking franking in the chest. Camille showed up and Frankie left me to say hello to my sister.

The blonde guy to my left who looked no older than 20 spoke up first.

“Brandon.”

“Armando.” The who made the ass comment. I nodded and took a seat at the table.

“Look you two better watch those two for me, if you come home and they don’t there will be hell to pay and I can promise you no matter what kind of training you’ve had you will not get away.” I threatened as I got closer to them. They swallowed loudly before nodding as Luke, Frankie and my sister all walked back up to us.

“You ready to get out of here?” Cam asked me, I nodded and waved at the boys as I followed my sister out.

[wroteclassicaly]

“fine continue to act like you hate me” ;D

QUEEN! Thank you so much for sending this in, I hope it meets your expectations? ;) Love you bunches! ❤️💞

This turned into a little more than a drabble. Oops?

Prompt is from here

Warnings: Language, very NSFW content, Dominant Eddie, and more!

~*~

“Uh… Eddie?” The freshman tries, fingers curled against his beige lunch tray, a little confused, eyes darting across the lunch hall and then back to his leader.

Eddie raises a brow, sneaker squeaking the plastic lunch chair’s end, leg perched atop it in an awkward bend, his fingers inking something on his kneecap through the exposed thread work of his ripped denim. When the raven haired kid still isn’t vocalizing what he’s acquiring Eddie’s attention span for, the older male sighs, pen pinched between two fingers as he places it down, folding his hands together and leaning forward, everyone else seemingly following. “Wheeler?”

Mike swallows harshly, thumbing back to the left, avoiding Dustin’s giggling gaze. Eddie’s eyes—along with the entire Hellfire Club table’s—drift languidly, until they lock on you. You don’t falter, folding your arms beneath your bosom and making a show of acting bored and irate. It gives Eddie those butterflies in the very pits of his stomach. He loves when you torment him, and how fucking good you look doing it. It takes the rocker a few seconds before he’s dropping back into his chair, popping a smashed Pringle into his mouth with a crude crunch. “Y/N does this every year.”

“But, she’s like… she is glaring at you, Eddie. You realize this, right?” Dustin questions.

“It’s a sign of flattery, boys. And one day you’ll learn that.” Eddie’s jacket crackles with the movement of his arm as he waves at you above his head, that lazy smirk on his mouth.

“Doesn’t look like it.” Eddie hears Mike and Dustin say in unison.

You don’t hesitate, middle finger saluting your long haired classmate. He pretends to be stabbed, theatrically grabbing an invisible dagger over his heart. This seems to get your gears grinding, your body moving before your mind catches up. Everyone else is shying away from your wrath, others intrigued and craving momentary popcorn. The moment that you reach the table you’re balancing your tray on one hand, knocking Eddie’s chips from his hand mid-bite with the other, making him blink rapidly, snorting when he catches up.

“That was pretty rude, Y/N.”

“Why are you such a fucking show off for your little ass monkeys, Munson? And all of you hanging off his every obnoxious word?” You chastise, rolling your eyes, slamming your lunch tray down in Eddie’s eye line.

“Am I not impressing you, Y/N? My god, after all these years I thought I was your hero in this Hell.” He widens his arms, motioning around the lunchroom’s expanse, dipping forward and too close for you to not catch his wafting, spicy scent.

Stupid bastard…

“I hate you, Munson.” And with that, you take heavy steps away from them, face flushed.

“Love you too, Princess of my personal galaxy!”

~*~

You hate Eddie Munson, and you’re pretty sure he hates you. The two of you have always fed off this fucked up chemistry that seems to worsen each year, never having more than traded blows or glares. Ones that you’ll never admit to considering more than you should. You’re honestly surprised at how mean you can truly get with him, guilt piling in after the blows settle. Shaking your head, you grip your spiral notebook, slamming your locker closed.

You know Higgins is gonna be pissed if you show up late again, but you’re more amped than you’ve felt in so long, that you don’t even notice Eddie Munson sliding in behind you, leaning by your ear to the give a thick ‘boo’. You turn around angry, y/e/c irises shining wildly, glazing your perception a little, making Eddie blush by just seeing how you look right now.

“You always gonna be mad at me for refusing to let you into the club, Y/N? Just because you can’t play worth a shit doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re not cute for trying.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your stupid club.” You smack his wrist to shake his touch, swiveling around and stepping up to his taller frame, eyes glittering, lips wet from your popped pursing.

Eddie wants to kiss you goddamned stupid.

“They think that you hate me, Y/N. But we both know that you can’t get enough of me.” Eddie startles your posture and himself, back-stepping you, caging you into a press against the wall, tilting his head down until your noses are touching, his warm mouth hovering.

“That was… I don’t…” You sound beyond ignorant.

Eddie smiles softly, that grin he is attached to paving the way out. He reaches to brush your hair from your temple, letting his hand flip, knuckles caressing your jawbone, ring metal stimulating your skin. “If you loathe my very existence so much, I’d hate to see how much attention I’d get from you if you loved me.”

“You fucking wish, Eddie-“

“Ah, did I say we were on a first name basis, Y/N?” Eddie presses one finger over your lips, “Well, I say your lovely name, but did you ever think that I may not like you enough to say yours?”

You start to protest, and that’s when Eddie presses himself directly into your personal space, your back flush to the hallway wall, cold seeping through your shirt. You need some warmth.

His hand slides around your neck, tickling his fingertips across your jugular, thumb pressing your chin into a tilt, testing the waters, giving you an out if he’s making you uncomfortable. You part your lips for his finger to fit into—your answer. It’s salty like the chips of his you’d discarded, but you suck on it, an adrenaline rush flushing your skin in dark pink dusts. You can’t believe Eddie has taken this initiative, his annoyance with you shoved down beneath the surface, permitting lust to control. His dark brown orbs have widened considerably, caverning into a glossy black abyss of blown pupils, gliding his thumb along your slick tongue.

The next move belongs to you, a desperation going to bed without caution on its tail. You let Eddie’s thumb slip out, bringing your mouth to his in a violent kiss, one that has you nearly dangling over the floor, forearm flexed around his neck’s nape, fingers underneath his collar, digging into his flesh. He reciprocates rather excitedly, a lick of his plump lips, a suck to his teeth, his hand adding a little pressure onto your throat.

He’s got you backed into a corner near some lockers—a quiet little cove, the hallways of Hawkins High abandoned until the period is through. You feel like you’re stumbling around, falling through a dizzying, galactic dimension, and your knuckled grip on his coat and the other finding purchase in his long tresses—tightening. Eddie is kissing you with all that he’s got, that noisy smash, that sloppy slope of him swaying back and forth to keep you secure between him and the wall. In the break away, heaving, hot breathing pants, Eddie’s smirk folds into your features, his words echoing, inked knee diving between your thighs to roll. “You may hate me, Y/N, but I don’t think my pussy does.”

Fuck… His?

An ache so sharp, slices through your belly, dangling over your abdomen, before settling between your thighs—burning you a singe.

It’s a comedic slow motion for you to watch Eddie’s hand drag down through the valley of your breasts, lingering on your waist, before it settles over your jean covered cunt. He doesn’t have to ask for an answer, you jolt into him like gravity. Your eyes are damned near hazed over and fucked out, fascinated with observing his jewelry designs curl, adorning his knuckles in rests, his large hand pressing flat over where you need him the most.

“I say my pussy, because I know it belongs to me. The more you hate me, the more you want my dick buried inside this.” He rubs his palm back and forth, making your sneakers scuff the floor as you try to widen your stance, riding his hold. He teeters back, making you gape incredulously.

“Munson—“ You get that fiery temper back, ashamed, shoving his chest.

“You really are somethin’, Y/N. Two years of my campaign rejections and you’re suddenly my drooling slut? Kinda likin’ the fact that you loathe me so much.” Eddie quips, reaching out to grip your hand. You side step him, crossing your arms, defensive, still caught here, struggling for steady breaths.

He sighs, stepping back, starting to leave, despite that straining bulge he’ll need to take care of, but he changes his mind mid-way, shifting his body in a rather ungraceful pivot to say, “Fine, continue to act like you hate me.”

“Eddie…” You let yourself say his name, beckoning your own embracing of this situation, no bite or spite behind your words. You’re a pathetic mess of revealing want.

You grip his jacket sleeve, fingers playing with the decorative chains attached to it. Eddie let’s you roam him like a lab specimen, hand settling on your lower back, bunching your shirt in encouragement. Your bravery is impressive, your digits finding that happy trail beneath his shirt that tucks into his handcuff accessorized belt, painting back and forth, making him inhale in a hiss. Your next words are abruptly cut off by a seething older male, eyes narrowed and jaw slack.

“Edward Munson and Y/N Y/L/N! My office, now!”

~*~

You’d think you would be angry that you let Eddie Munson get the better of you and have you both caught by Principal Higgins, but the more the old man paces in his office as you two are sat in front of his oak desk, and rambles on about school conduct and human decency, the more that Eddie nods and mockingly says, “Of course, Sir” to further piss him off and have you biting into your hand to keep the snorts at bay—you figure out you’re having a damned good time. You pick at your notebook’s edges, letting the shreds sprinkle onto the floor.

“Y/N, are you listening to me? You’ve been letting yourself venture too far off track this year, young lady. I’m frankly disappointed and I expect better of you.”

It’s out before you can stop it, “Of course, Sir.”

Eddie’s lip twitches, head bowing. He’s fighting snickers under his breath. And that’s when you literally have to look away to keep from falling apart and risking expulsion. Before either of you can cause your red faced authority anymore stress, his secretary is garnering his attention, mentioning a fight in the cafeteria amongst some sophomores. He gives you and Eddie one clear direction, pointed finger at Eddie. “Don’t touch anything in this room, Munson. I expect both of you to sit here until I get back, do you understand?”

It’s a unified look you and Eddie share, not missing a beat as you both repeat, “Of course, Sir.”

Higgins slams his door on the way out, blinds slapping against the glass. Eddie and you bust out laughing, your hand over your mouth, Eddie giving you that grin. You’re still giggling as the gamer overlooks all the shut blinds, standing, moving closer and running his finger along their dusty edges. He does that thing with his tongue, poking it out in concentration, locking Higgins’ door and turning to you, hands now behind his back. “Stupid fuck really closed the door on us when we were literally just grinding on each other in his hallway?”

You swallow on a parched wonder, Eddie stalking forward and taking your beat up spiral from your hands, tossing it onto Higgins’ desk, where you note his key ring.

He can’t get back in here without his keys, and Eddie locked the door…

“He’s really fuckin’ stupid, Y/N.” Eddie sees what you see, helping you from your chair, his hands on your waist, lifting you onto the edge of your Principal’s desk.

Your heart is hammering sporadically, throat constricting with its vice beats. Eddie noses his way into your neck, mouth finding a patch of skin that he can lay slow, torturous kisses to. Your lids flutter closed, legs wrapping around his lower back, letting yourself push into him. He groans a deep sound that you feel in your cunt. His lips kiss the side of your mouth, leaving open ended questions, pausing wants. He doesn’t say anything for a few moments, only kisses you with a feverish appreciation.

“What if,” Eddie is speaking again, tone raspy and damp with desire, “what if I make you cum on our Principal’s desk, Y/N?”

You can’t describe that tickling weight that plummets from your head to your toes, making you dizzy, stringing your insides into a scorching, throbbing mess. Eddie lets his hand drift to your denim waist, lightly dipping. “It’ll take him five minutes to get his slow ass to the cafeteria, maybe another five back here—give or take, and that’s not counting his noble mission at hand.”

You’re hanging onto his every word, practically a damned drooling mess.

Eddie takes it as his cue to keep on going. “Gives me around twenty minutes, maybe half an hour, just locked in here with you.” He staples himself over you, your ass digging into the desk, feeling him swell in his jeans, rocking over his cock.

“Munson…”

“Mhm, call me Eddie now.” He coos, blowing a strand of hair off your face.

“Eddie.”

“So, that means we can either fight in here, or we can fuck. Your choice, Y/N. Personally,” Eddie takes a deep breath, his hand rubbing circles underneath the back of your top, the other stroking you over the heavy fabric between your legs, “I’d rather help myself to this sweet little pussy for a while.”

Your vision is damn near whiting out, body shaking from nerves, soothed by the outcast you swore you hated, that you assumed hated you. It takes you a second or two, after telling Eddie you don’t hate him, reaching behind you and shoving everything to the side on Higgins’ desk, not caring about objects that clatter onto the floor. You’ll do anything to have Eddie Munson. He’s grinning into a ‘game on’ face, closing in. “For the record, I don’t hate you either, Y/N.”

[sparlax]

I keep having a reoccuring dream regarding me being part of some strange Mr. Beast style challenge heavily based off "Nasubi" (The Japanese man who was locked in his apartment for a year and was broadcast live 24/7 and did challenges for rewards). I will go into exruciating detail about this below. Long post

If anything the dream is conistant with it's setting and theme. It always starts with the frightening scenario in which I win a raffle (?) and then I am taken to ride in a bus/car blindfolded. When I arrive I am still blindfolded but I can hear the Mr. Beast-type figure talking into the cameras, presumably starting the video. In that moment I am usually afraid because I am unsure about what is going to happen next. Now, I presume that the second act of this dream series is mostly the result of my dream to have a place of my own. Because the challenge the Mr. Beast-type man imposes on me is.. to live in a cave for as long as possible. The reward increasing not by each day, week or even month. No, this guy is twisted. He is amping up the cash reward by each YEAR spent dwelling inside this cave.

Obviously, because this man is based off of the concept of Mr. Beast he isn't a cruel sicko mastermind. I vividly remember the details of this cave and will demonstrate a diagram that I drew in mspaint describing what the layout of this cave looked like.

As you can see, there is a lot going on here. I'll try to explain most of what you see right now. Firstly, food. From outside the cave, full meals would be dispensed through this vent-like tube onto a wooden table. They would be shrinkwrapped in plastic and highly nutritious of course. I would be getting my water from the bathing area from a spigot. For some odd reason I dont recall ever having a cup to drink out of so I would just use my hands. I also remember the food tube having bars on it, probably so that I could not stick my arms inside or jam it?

Secondly, the sunbathing area. Living within the cave would certainly bring about a lot of health risks so I guess I just had an area where I would lie flat on my stomach and soak up the sun while I read a book or something. In every version of this dream this area was always in the center of the room. A circular glass hole was created so that the sun's rays could shine through. It was also my only way to see the outside world. I would sleep upon the carpet/futon as well.

Thirdly, the recreation area. Not much to be said about this. I only was allowed to read books and create art in this scenario. I remember having a whole bookshelf of all kinds of books that looked interesting. I am unsure if I'd get new books if I managed to read through them all or not.

Fourthly, cameras. Similar to Nasubi, nearly every point of interest (aside from the bathroom for obvious reasons) was constantly filmed by a set of 3-4 large cameras. They probably got power from the sun or something.

The reception of this series was mixed. Part of the dream's perspective would switch between myself inside the cave and that of an onlooker watching youtube commentary guys talk about the impact of the (presumably) ongoing series. Every talking point you can gather from the Nasubi saga was repeated here. At peak watching times the website hosting the live feed would have around 10k viewers (usually whenever I was awake). Views would dip whenever I would be asleep.

Interactions with the outside world were pretty uncommon since I had no way to read the chat or contact the host. I do recall sometimes having a very hot pepper deployed as the day's snack but otherwise it was oddly calm. After a while I stopped caring about the fact that I was being broadcast and just fell into a routine. The dream would always end on the perspective of the onlooker watching the livestream of myself. All in all its a mixed bag of feelings I cannot put a name on if I tried. Thats all for now.

[illuminatedquill]

Sabine Wren & Ezra Bridger

Hands, Ready To Bleed

Story Summary: Adjusting to living together on Lothal, Sabine and Ezra are finally moving forward with their lives - and their new relationship - during this hard-won era of peace. However, the annual memorial to commemorate the Battle of Lothal approaches, leading to the revelation of a secret that Ezra has long been hiding from Sabine.

"It's just a rehearsal," Sabine Wren said soothingly to her long-time partner, Ezra Bridger. "Nothing to worry about."

The rehearsal was on the main tower of Capital City, held on the platform where the Wall of Heroes was located. Overhead, the skies were a dazzling blue with only small wisps of clouds overhead to pass by. Below, the streets of Capital City were buzzing with life and business, but a few small groups of onlookers were watching the rehearsal for the annual memorial to commemorate the Battle of Lothal with interest.

And for good reason; Ezra Bridger, the legendary hero and Jedi who saved the planet - and defeated Thrawn, twice, a new recent achievement to further add to his renown - was finally attending. It stood to reason that the crowds this year were going to be enormous, people flocking to the city just for a glimpse of their hero.

Ezra smoothed down the front of his outfit for the umpteenth time; through the Force, she could sense his nervousness, coming through in spikes of tense energy. Sabine had opted to dress in casual clothes for the rehearsal; flight jacket, red tunic, combat pants and boots. Ezra was wearing an what Sabine liked to call 'rogues' attire; a dashing scarlet tunic, midnight blue vest, striped military pants, and thigh-high boots that were shined to perfection.

"If you say so," he said with false cheer. He flashed a smile at her, but it didn't reach his eyes. The normally bright, piercing blue eyes of Ezra Bridger were clouded over with worry . . . and something else.

Something darker.

Sabine frowned and probed the edges of Ezra's mind, seeking the truth behind his false cheer -

"Sabine! There you are." It was Governor Azadi, an old friend. He waded through the crowd, resplendent in his politician's attire complete with a dashing cape. "Need you for a moment."

Sabine cast a worried glance at Ezra. "Ezra, if you're not feeling up to this - "

He shook his head. "I'm alright."

Ezra stared ahead at the crowd surrounding them. "I have to be," he muttered.

Sabine reached out and gave Ezra's hand a reassuring squeeze. He squeezed it back and nodded at her. "I'll be right back, okay?" she said.

Azadi led Sabine away and then discreetly nodded towards a corner of the platform. She stole a glance in the direction -

And let out a curse. It was Senator Xiono, idling by himself with a half-empty flute of wine in one hand; he was dressed impeccably, as always, but there was a sleepless look to his face - and there was no mistaking the cold, hard rage radiating from his eyes.

He was staring at Ezra.

Sabine turned to Azadi. "What's he doing here?" she hissed at him.

Azadi held up his hands in a placating gesture, a grimace on his weathered face. "He wasn't invited, I assure you. I just wanted to give you a heads up."

Xiono had long been a pain in the Senate Oversight Committee towards the fledgling New Jedi Order and their allies but that had been exacerbated since Thrawn's re-emergence and subsequent campaign to revive the Empire. Xiono's world had been brutally bombarded by Thrawn's fleets; rumor had it that his wife was still recovering in intensive care, and that his only child, a son named Kaz, had barely escaped, as well.

He had long been suspicious of Ezra's sudden reappearance coinciding with Thrawn's, but the details of his time stranded on Peridea were still kept a secret. Xiono, however, had only amped up his scrutiny of Ezra since Thrawn's defeat; it was clear that he had a personal vendetta against Ezra, whom he believed had abandoned his duty as a Jedi in letting Thrawn live.

"Ryder, he's going to start trouble with Ezra," Sabine warned. "He needs to be kicked out."

Azadi sighed. "I can't just kick out a Senator, Sabine. Look, I've got Jai Kell baby-sitting him for the moment. I'll run interference, too. You and Ezra just do your speeches and then you can high-tail it out of here."

Sabine pursed her lips, thinking of Ezra's unusual mood. She watched Senator Jai Kell talking animatedly with Senator Xiono; the latter was barely responding to the conversation, his eyes still trained on Ezra.

She came to a decision. "Let me talk to Ezra, see what he thinks."

Azadi nodded. "Very well."

Sabine walked back to her partner. "Ezra, Senator Xiono is here."

He was looking at his note-cards, reading over his speech. "What?"

"Look," said Sabine. "If you want to go, no one will blame you, okay? It won't be the first ceremony you missed."

Ezra considered that for a moment. Then he said, "No, I need to do this. The city's been waiting for me. I can't let them down."

His face was composed, but through the Force his thoughts and feelings were all over the place. Sabine grabbed his arm.

"Ezra," she pleaded. "I know you're not feeling up to this. I can sense it."

He shook his arm free. "It doesn't matter what I feel," he responded flatly. "This is what's expected of me."

Azadi called to them. "Ezra! Sabine! It's time to make your speeches."

Sabine and Ezra exchanged a long look. Finally, he shook his head and offered another one of those fake smiles she hated so much and offered his arm to her.

With reluctance, Sabine slid her own through his and they walked up to the stage together.

When the rehearsal finished, they stepped down from the stage; Sabine stayed close to Ezra, keeping an eye on him.

Amazingly, he had done well; his speech had generated quite the applause, with equal parts humor and heart-felt gratitude. However, she could feel that ominous darkness still swirling through her partner's emotions: fear and anxiety blending together and spiking like adrenaline when the fireworks went off at the end.

She watched him close his eyes tight at the blasts. All Sabine could do was just hold his hand with all the strength she could muster.

But he had made it through and she could finally breath a sigh of relief -

A tremor through the Force. Danger, close by -

Sabine moved to place herself in front of Ezra but it was too late. Wine splashed into Ezra's face, thrown from a flute in anger. The crowd gasped.

Senator Xiono stood there, flute empty, his eyes sparkling with glee and malice.

Sabine knocked the flute out of his hands. "I think you've had too much to drink, Xiono," she said coldly.

Azadi came up behind the Senator and grabbed his arm. Two security guards flanked him. "Come with me, Senator," he said. "Let's not make a scene here."

Senator Xiono shrugged free of Azadi's grasp and stepped closer to Sabine and Ezra. "Ten years," he hissed. "You were on that Force-forsaken planet with him for ten years. And you did nothing."

From behind her, Sabine could sense the anxiety spike within Ezra. That ominous cloud of darkness swirling within him began to grow like a thunderhead.

"Traitor!" Senator Xiono bellowed. "My world - my family - bombed to rubble because you abandoned your duty! What use is that power you wield if it's not used to protect the people who need it? The people who are depending on you?"

Sabine shoved him backwards. "That's enough!" she shouted. "Ryder, get him out of here!"

"Guards!" barked Azadi. "Take the Senator away - "

Pain like she had never felt before cleaved into Sabine's head like an ice pick; grief, despair, guilt were forged into the tip. She doubled over, gasping for breath; her heart felt like it was beating a million miles per minute.

Through the corner of her eye, she saw others do the same: crying out in pain, clutching their heads. She heard Azadi yelling something, but couldn't make it out through the howl erupting inside her skull.

It was coming from behind her, she realized.

It's coming from Ezra.

Gritting her teeth, summoning her reserves of energy, she began the daunting task of putting up the mental shields Ahsoka, her master, had taught to protect herself from a psychic attack like this. It was agonizing minutes but, finally, she was shielded enough to stand up and face Ezra.

He was standing still upright, unlike the others; his hands were clutching at his temples. His eyes were shaking, unfocused; Sabine could hear him struggling to regulate his breath, coming in fast, harsh gasps.

In her head, she could hear his thoughts echoing a single word over and over again like a mantra: Starbird.

Starbird. Starbird. Starbird.

Ezra was having a panic attack. His feelings were leaking through the Force and into the surroundings - and the people, also.

Oh, Ezra. Oh, my love.

She staggered towards him and reached trembling hands to his face. "Ezra?" she asked. "Ezra, it's me. It's Sabine. Can you hear me?"

He couldn't see her; his eyes remained unfocused. All around her, the people in attendance were screaming, crying out.

"Ezra! It's Sabine. Please, just focus on me, okay? I'm here. You're safe, it's okay!"

At last, her words broke through. His eyes, still shaking, began to focus on her. "Sabine? S-Sabine? I - I c-can't stop, I'm s-so sorry."

Starbird. Starbird. Starbird.

She took one of his hands and placed it on her heart. "Just breathe, okay? It's okay, just breathe like this." And she breathed, slow and deep, in tune with her heart.

Someone screamed. Ezra's concentration broke, his breathing worsening -

No! Sabine grabbed his face and forced it towards her, pouring all the feelings of calm and peace and love she could muster through their bond in the Force. "Look at my face, Ezra, please. Just focus on me. It's just you and me. Breathe - breathe."

Ezra's breathing began to slow. His eyes began to focus and lose their trembling.

Starbird. Starbird.

"It's okay," she whispered. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry," he whispered back. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

He sagged to the floor in exhaustion. Sabine held him close, making sure he didn't outright collapse.

And, all at once, the pounding in her skull disappeared. The crying and screaming around her disappeared in an instant; the audience members began to rouse themselves to their feet, blinking in confusion at what had just occurred.

From behind her, she heard Azadi groan and look towards them.

"Sabine, what - "

"Later," she said curtly. "Get me a medic, now."

Ahsoka arrived hours later to find Sabine pacing in the hallway outside Ezra's hospital room.

"How is he?" asked her former master.

Sabine just hugged her in response. Ahsoka hugged her back, tightly, and then released her.

"That bad, huh?" she asked.

Sabine let out a shaky laugh. "I've never seen him like that," she said. "It scared me so much."

Ahsoka clapped her on the shoulder. "Panic attacks can be like that. You did well, from what I heard."

Sabine sat down on the hallway's bench. "I should never have let him stay there. I knew something was wrong with him."

Ahsoka considered her for a moment. "Has Ezra ever shown signs of this before?"

Sabine cocked her head, thinking. "No, not that I can think of. But we haven't been to the city much since we got back."

Her master raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Just holing up in that watchtower of yours?"

Sabine avoided Ahsoka's knowing gaze, feeling her cheeks begin to heat up. "Yeah, you know . . . just resting. Relaxing."

"Hmmm," said Ahsoka. "Not resting too much, I hope. Keeping up with your training?"

"Of course," replied Sabine innocently. "Ezra and I have a sparring session every day."

Ahsoka peered at her. "Oh, I'm sure you two have plenty of physical activities to keep busy. I'm just not sure it's sparring."

Sabine shrugged. "We're getting a good work-out, regardless."

Ahsoka snorted. "Oh, I have missed you, my Padawan."

Sabine grinned at her, before sobering. "Thanks, by the way."

"For what?"

"For taking my mind off this," Sabine said. "I feel much better now."

Ahsoka smiled in reply. Sabine patted the seat next to her, and her master sat down.

After a while, Sabine quietly said, "He's hiding something from me. When he was having his episode, I could hear his thoughts. A single word, repeated over and over again."

"What word?" asked Ahsoka.

Sabine looked at her master. "Starbird."

The older Jedi was silent for a moment. Then she said, "Do you remember all the starbirds we found painted on Peridea?"

"Yeah. There was a ton of them, if I recall. Ezra painted them everywhere."

"It's your personal symbol, Sabine. Do you know why he painted so many?"

She thought about it for a second. "No. No, I don't."

Ahsoka turned to look at her. "Has Ezra ever told you about his time on Peridea?"

Sabine shook her head. "I didn't want to push."

Ahsoka sighed. "I think it's time you both had that talk, then."

Sabine asked, "Did he tell you about it?"

"Some of it."

"Oh," was all Sabine said. "He didn't tell me, though."

"Why do you think that is, Sabine?" asked her master.

"I don't know," replied Sabine, frustrated. "I'm his partner. I love him. We're not supposed to keep secrets from each other."

"Have you told him everything about your life experiences while he was stranded on Peridea?"

Sabine blinked. "Well . . . no. That's not important."

"Was it easy for you?"

Sabine looked down at her hands. "You know it wasn't."

"But you never talked to him about it."

Sabine crossed her arms. "It . . . it never came up."

Ahsoka gazed at her and said softly, "How can you expect Ezra to be open about his hardships if you do not do the same?"

"He never asked," Sabine shot back. "And even if he did, I don't want him to know about all of it."

"Why not?" asked Ahsoka.

"Because - because it would make him feel bad. I don't want him to feel that way, especially because of me; it's clear he's got enough on his plate, as it is."

Ahsoka laughed. "What's so funny?" asked Sabine suspiciously.

She shook her head, shoulders shaking from the mirth. "You two really are quite the pair," she said, eyes sparkling.

Realization dawned in Sabine. "You think he feels the same way," she said.

"I know he does," responded Ahsoka seriously. "He would do anything for you. Just like you would for him."

She looked at her directly. "Including hiding away the pain you feel from each other. Because you would rather suffer alone, instead of - from your point of view - forcing each other to bear that additional pain."

Sabine huffed out a breath and leaned back against the wall. "Great. So we have to talk."

She grimaced. "I'm not good at that. He's hurting, I can tell. How do I get him to open up?"

Ahsoka arched an eyebrow. "How do you get someone to show their scars?"

Sabine nodded.

Her master smiled and said, "By showing yours."

Ahsoka spoke with Ezra for a few minutes, promising to show him special Force techniques to help ward off future panic attacks when he felt better before departing with a nod to Sabine.

The ride home was quiet. Sabine kept sneaking glances at her partner, but Ezra's face didn't betray anything except for exhaustion after his ordeal.

Once inside the watchtower, Ezra flopped onto the couch and leaned his head back, eyes closed.

Sabine busied herself with making drinks: two mugs of hot chocolate, their favorite.

Okay. Time to be brave. For Ezra.

She brought them over and offered one to him before sitting down. Ezra mumbled a thanks and took a sip.

Sabine watched him carefully, fingers tapping on her mug.

"Was anyone hurt?" he asked wearily.

Other than you? she wanted to ask. Instead, she replied, "Nothing serious. Some bumps and scrapes."

Ezra nodded. She reached out and touched his shoulder.

He flinched away from her touch. Sabine set down her mug, braced herself, and gently reached to her partner's face, turning it towards her.

Ezra was crying; tears streamed down his cheeks, glistening in the watchtower's lighting.

She felt her heart twist with grief at the sight. Forcing a steady calm into her voice that Sabine did not feel, she asked, "What's wrong, Ezra? Tell me what's wrong."

He shook his head miserably.

Show him your scars.

Sighing, Sabine stood up and began to take off her shirt.

Ezra's eyes popped open in an almost comical fashion. "Sabine - what are you doing?" he asked.

Blushing furiously, she just said, "Hush. I'm doing a thing. We're going to talk about this."

"Sabine, you drive me mad with desire, but if this is an attempt to cheer me up, then I'm not really in the mood."

The shirt came free and she tossed it onto the floor, her modesty only covered by the sports bra underneath her shirt. Ezra inhaled sharply, taking her in.

Sabine sat back down, grabbed Ezra's hand before he could protest, and placed it over the scar on her abdomen. The one she had gotten from her ill-fated first duel with Shin from what felt like a lifetime ago.

His look became questioning. "Your scar. The one you never talk about."

Grimacing, Sabine said, "Yeah. I'm changing that now. You have questions, ask them."

Ezra blinked at her. "Okay, then - obvious first: where'd you get this from? I always assumed it was during the war."

"It wasn't from the war against the Empire. I received this before I came to get you on Peridea. I had the map to find you; Shin - you remember her - came to take it from me, on orders from her master, Baylon."

Sabine closed her eyes, remembering the events of that night. The giddy elation from finally finding the way to Ezra. The sudden attack from the assassin droids. Shin, cloaked and menacing, advancing on her with a scarlet blade.

"We fought. I lost," she whispered bitterly.

She felt the heavy gaze from Ezra settling on her. "Shin stabbed you," he said softly.

Sabine opened her eyes and looked directly at Ezra. "She didn't just stab me, Ezra. She killed me. I died that night."

"What? But - you're here. You can't have died."

Sabine smiled a little. "Well, yeah, goober. Ahsoka saved me. But I was clinically dead when she arrived."

She shivered, remembering the sensation of dying. "Do you know what it's like to be stabbed by a lightsaber, Ezra?"

"No," he replied.

"The blade is made from pure plasma," Sabine continued. "It's agony at first; a burning like you've never felt before. Like a small sun blooming inside of you. And then - nothing. Because the lightsaber cauterizes the wound."

She placed her hand over Ezra's, still covering her scar. "You can't repair a lightsaber wound. They filled it up with synthetic tissue, but I don't feel anything there anymore. Not even through the Force."

Ezra just looked at her, his eyes unreadable. "There's an emptiness I carry around with me, everyday. It will never go away. All because I got careless," Sabine finished.

"Sabine . . ."

"Do you know what the worst part of it was, Ezra? It wasn't the pain or the dying; it was the guilt. It was the remorse and the feeling that I had failed you. That I wouldn't be able to fulfill my promise in bringing you home."

After a long moment, Ezra asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Sabine drew in a shaky breath. "Because I didn't want to scare you away."

Ezra's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Scare me away?"

"The years without you . . it was rough, okay? You know about some of it. But not everything. I felt that if you saw how messed up I was - I thought you would be disappointed. That I wasn't the Sabine you knew and loved anymore."

Sabine searched Ezra's face for a sign or hint of what he was feeling, but he betrayed nothing.

"Ezra," she said quietly. "Say something. Please."

He let out a breath. "Okay. I guess we're doing this then."

Ezra held up a finger. "First - I would never think that about you, do you understand? Nothing you do would ever change my feelings, Sabine."

Sabine blinked back tears. "Okay."

"Good," he said firmly. "So . . . ask away. Your turn now."

"Starbird," she said at once. "What was that?"

Ezra winced. "Oh, you heard that."

"Hard not to, considering it was being screamed in my head," she replied. "It's my symbol. What does it mean?"

Ezra looked away from her, eyes focused on the ceiling. "Ahsoka talked to you about my time on Peridea?"

"She only mentioned that you spoke about some of it to her," said Sabine, a hint of accusation in her tone. "But you didn't say anything about it to me, your partner. Why?"

"For the same reason you didn't tell me about the origin of your scar," Ezra replied tersely.

Sabine was surprised. "What aren't you telling me, Ezra? You spent all that time hiding from Thrawn, it's nothing to be ashamed about - "

"I wasn't just hiding from Thrawn!" Ezra shouted. "I was working with him!"

Silence hung thickly in the watchtower after that outburst. Sabine stared, in shock.

"You - what? Why?"

Ezra still kept his eyes locked on the ceiling. When he spoke, it was in a small voice, barely more than whisper. "Because I wanted to go home."

He snorted. "Senator Xiono was right. I am a traitor."

Reflexively, Sabine reached out to grab his hand. He didn't yank it away this time; a reassuring sign. "That's not true. I know it isn't."

Ezra finally turned to look at her, his eyes sorrowful. "Isn't it?" he asked. "I collaborated with a known enemy of the New Republic."

"Tell me," Sabine urged. "Tell me everything. I know it's hard, but I need you to be brave for me. Please."

Ezra's eyes widened, his reaction through the Force buzzing with shock and recognition at what she just said. Sabine didn't know why, but her statement had affected him badly on some fundamental level.

Ezra stared at her for what felt like an endless stretch of seconds. Then he closed his eyes and began to speak, each word carefully uttered, as though he were afraid it would break something vital in him . . . or maybe her.

"He came for me, Sabine. Thrawn came for me, in the dead of night. I thought, "This is it. This is how I die.'"

A twisted smile came on his face. "It was so much worse. Dying would have been preferable."

Sabine felt her stomach twist at Ezra's words, but she forced herself to stay still and just listen.

"He knew my weakness. I was cut off, far, far away from home. It's easy to be brave when you have people to be brave for, did you know? I had you, Hera, Zeb, Chopper, and Kanan. All of you propped me up. Gave me purpose. Gave me courage."

"But that was gone now. I survived . . . and so did he. We were trapped, together. And we had nothing but time."

Ezra's voice was soft, toneless, completely empty of humanity. It was awful to hear him talk like that. She never wanted to hear Ezra speak like that ever again.

"I was alone. Alone again. And he offered me a choice: a partnership, to help each other go home. He needed me, and I needed him."

"The Great Mothers," Sabine whispered. "The witches."

Ezra nodded. "He needed a Force user to wake them up. We wake them up, force an alliance, and they get us a connection back in our home galaxy."

"Morgan Elsbeth." The witch who had been a close associate of Thrawn's and single-handedly orchestrated his return.

"I refused him, at first. So much had been sacrificed to ensure that he could never threaten the Rebellion ever again. It was my duty, as a Jedi. That was the choice I made when I left, and I wanted to stick by it until the end. I told him to just shoot me instead."

Ezra went quiet. Sabine, swallowing hard, asked, "What did he do?"

"He did as I asked. He shot me. Oh, not enough to kill me. But enough to hurt. And then he did something strange."

Sabine felt like she was going to be sick. "Strange?" she asked, almost not recognizing her voice; it sounded so weak, so raspy.

He nodded. "Strange. I thought so at first. He healed me. Ordered his men to take me to the med bay. Stuck me in a bacta tank. When I was all fixed, they brought me back to him."

No. Oh, no. She'd heard stories of Imperial interrogations; the torture. Sabine knew where this was heading.

Cold fury seeped into her heart; if if weren't for Thrawn already being dead, she would have flown out right then and there to do the deed herself.

"He asked me again to work with him. I said no. He shot me again. His men took me to the med bay. I healed. And then they brought me to him, again. Rinse and repeat."

"How long?" she asked.

Ezra cocked his head, thinking. "A week, I think. I lost track of the time."

He shrugged. "I accepted his offer. We woke up the Great Mothers."

"Ezra . . ." Sabine was at a loss for words.

"I'm not done, yet," he interrupted. "There's more."

She opened her mouth and then shut it quickly.

"There was a moment, you see. The Great Mothers were, shall we say, grumpy after being awoken from their long nap. They attacked us; used their magicks to turn Thrawn's men against each other. It was a bloodbath. I found myself fighting back to back with the Grand Admiral himself."

"And then they had him. He was going to die, I could see it."

She could feel his anxiety, his panic spiking through the Force. Sabine reached out and grabbed his hand, sending calming, soothing feelings through their bond.

Ezra's breathing, which had been growing labored, began to smooth out. He looked at her and said, "Thanks."

She didn't say anything, not trusting her voice to come out steady.

"What did you do?" Sabine asked, after taking a moment to compose herself.

Ezra smiled bitterly. "I saved his life. The Jedi in me refused to let him die. Even after all that he did."

His eyes were haunted as he continued: "And you want to know how he repaid me? He hunted me down. After saving his life, calming the witches - turns out they wanted to leave Peridea as much as we did. He didn't need me anymore."

"I ran, Sabine. I ran so fast, so far. If the Noti hadn't found me, I would have died from the injuries. That would have been it."

Sabine became conscious that her grip on Ezra's hand was tightening into a vise. She loosened it.

"He took everything from me. My bravery, my belief in my purpose as a Jedi. My family. I had nothing left. Thrawn exposed me for what I really was; just a dumb, scared kid who was in way over his head."

"That's not true." Sabine's voice was heated, saying the words. "You did more than anyone else had accomplished in the Rebellion. You saved everyone on Lothal. You gave us hope!"

Ezra just looked at her, a lop-sided smile appearing on his face. "Gave you all too much hope. Should have saved some for myself."

"You kept fighting, though. You survived the worst of what he had to offer."

"I only made it through because of you, Sabine. Because you told me to keep fighting."

Sabine frowned at him, confused. "I wasn't there though?"

Ezra's smile this time was serene. "You're always with me. Wherever I am."

He pointed at one of the patches on her jacket; the patch with her customized symbol, the one she always wore.

The starbird. Starbird.

Starbird.

"The painted starbirds," realized Sabine. "All over Peridea."

Ezra nodded. "A reminder to myself. You - Sabine Wren - have always been the symbol of victory to me. The symbol of undaunting perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds. I couldn't draw you, though; I don't have your talent. But I could manage your starbird, at the very least."

Sabine said, "Oh."

"On the bad days, I drew the starbirds whenever I could. Partly to annoy Thrawn, who I knew was still watching out for me. But mostly for myself. If I closed my eyes at night, I could imagine you there, telling me to keep fighting. To be brave."

Tell me everything. I know it's hard, but I need you to be brave for me.

"So, I did. I held on. For as long as I could. But I knew Thrawn was still planning to go home. I had to make up for what I failed to do. I could hear his ships, his men, still moving about. Making preparations."

He was shaking now. Coming to the end of his long, sad tale.

"I couldn't wait anymore. I could at least maybe do some serious damage; delay him a little. I made a promise to you - the you in my head, I mean - that I would still be here when you came to find me, but I - I had to make it right. I had to finish what I started. I had to fight, like you were telling me. To be brave."

"It was a suicide mission. But I had to do it. So, one morning, I made my plan and I exited my hut to say good-bye to the Noti."

He let loose a laugh, half-crazed in its sound. "And then you wouldn't believe what I saw."

"What was it?" asked Sabine quietly.

"You," he said. He was looking right at her, his blue eyes piercing. "I saw you standing there. Like a dream, or a vision."

The day I arrived, Sabine realized.

"I thought I was going crazy. I thought it wasn't real or a vision from the Force. I had to say something, anything, to see if you were really there."

I knew I could count on you.

"And then you turned around and you gave me this smile - and I knew it was really you. You had come to save me. Sabine Wren, you crossed galaxies to save me."

Sabine cupped Ezra's cheek gently. "I made you a promise, Ezra Bridger."

He leaned into her touch. "You did. You kept it. I don't know if I kept mine, though. I don't know how much was left of me to save."

Oh, Ezra. Sabine's heart cracked and cracked, seeing Ezra's despair.

She held out her arms and enveloped him into a hug. It was all she could do; all she could think of, in this moment, to keep the person she loved from breaking any further.

"The Sabine in your head," she said softly. "Is she still telling you to fight? To be brave?"

Ezra nodded.

"Then let me tell her to shut up. You've done enough fighting. You can rest now, Ezra. You can rest."

Ezra let out a muffled laugh. "You might want to speak a little louder. She's pretty stubborn."

"Ezra. Stop talking and let me just hug you."

"Okay."

They called Ahsoka the next morning, to tell her of Ezra's decision.

Ahsoka, via hologram, looked at them both, considering their words. "You're certain?" she asked.

Ezra nodded. "If it's alright with you."

The older Jedi smiled. "Of course it is. Take all the time you need, Ezra. You'll be missed, but we'll manage."

Sabine squeezed his hand affectionately and smiled. "Told you she would understand."

After Ezra's break last night, he and Sabine had discussed what was best for him - and for them - late into the night. Finally, they had both come to the same conclusion.

Ezra needed a break. To take time for himself and figure out what he really wanted. For so long, the war and being a Jedi had taken up much of his life. Thrawn had damaged his image, stripped away all that he held dear.

For now, Ezra just wanted to know what it meant to be Ezra Bridger again. Not the Rebel, not the hero, not the Jedi - just Ezra.

And that meant stepping away from all of it.

"I really appreciate it, Ahsoka. And I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "No apologies from you. You've done more than enough. And believe me, I understand what it means to walk away from the Order. Whatever decision you come to, should you return or not, you have my full support."

Ezra looked at Sabine. "Will you be okay without me?"

Sabine patted his head. "I did just fine without you for ten years, goober."

"You got stabbed by Shin and almost died."

Ahsoka snorted. Sabine glared at him. "It was one time," she muttered. "I almost die one time and suddenly everyone gets so protective."

"I'll be fine, Ezra. Galaxy's in good hands, don't you worry. And Ahsoka will be there; it'll be just like old times. Master and apprentice."

Ahsoka eyed her apprehensively. "I hope it won't be too much like old times. Perhaps you'll be actually listening to what I ask of you?"

Sabine shrugged. "Where's the fun in that? Need to keep things lively in your old age."

Ahsoka sighed. "You will be dearly missed, Ezra," she re-stated.

Ezra laughed. Ahsoka smiled and said, "I'll check on you again later, Ezra. May the Force be with you, until we meet again. In better spirits."

Ezra bowed his head at the older Jedi. "May the Force be with you, too, Ahsoka."

Ahsoka nodded at Sabine in farewell and then cut the call.

Ezra stood up, stretched, and held out his hand to Sabine. "Step outside for some fresh air?"

"Sure." She followed him out to the balcony.

The morning was crisp and clear; a gentle breeze sighed through the tall fields of grass. They both leaned against the railing, gazing out at Capital City, glinting brightly in the rising sun.

"What will you do now?" asked Sabine.

Ezra shrugged, smiling a little. "I don't know. Feels kind of nice, not to know what comes next."

He reached out and held her hand. "Promise me you'll stay? You won't leave?"

Sabine, surprised, asked, "Why would I leave?"

"Because . . . because I'm not who I was anymore. The Ezra you loved; the hero, the Jedi. I don't know where he is."

She turned to face him fully. "Ezra. I don't care if he ever comes back. I'm here with you, whoever you decide that is. I crossed galaxies to be with you; you doing some self-reflection isn't going to scare me away."

Any doubts he had cleared away from his eyes when she spoke. He leaned his head against hers. "Thank you, Sabine."

"Anything for you, Ezra."

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Ezra spoke again.

"I'm thinking of trying modeling, you know? Huyang was mentioning the other day that I had 'impeccable' good looks and I have been getting offers in the mail from some big name companies - "

Sabine punched him in the arm. Ezra laughed, rubbing at the spot.

A call came through on Sabine's com-link. She checked; it was Governor Azadi.

She clicked it on. "Sabine?" he asked.

"I'm here. What's up?"

"Just wanting to know the status of you and Ezra for the ceremony?"

Ezra opened his mouth, but Sabine put a finger up to silence him.

"What's the status of Senator Xiono? He still got an invitation?"

Azadi chuckled. "Nope. I chucked his ass on the nearest freighter and sent Senator Organa a message about the stunt he pulled. I suspect she's tearing him a new one right about now."

"Good," Sabine replied firmly. She looked to Ezra.

"Tell him we'll be there," he said.

Sabine felt her eyebrows raise up in surprise. Ezra just shrugged.

"We'll be there," she said to Azadi.

"Excellent! I'll see you there. Azadi out."

Still looking questioningly at Ezra, she asked, "Are you sure?"

He smiled and said, "I can pretend to be the hero for one more day."

Sabine felt her heart squeeze at the sight of his smile. Already, she could she his old spark returning; signs of life and healing.

You're still you, she thought. You and Thrawn thought it had been beaten out of you. But you're both wrong.

She smiled back at him and turned to head inside the watchtower. "Guess we better get ready for the ceremony, then."

"Hang on a minute, Sabine."

She turned back to him. "What is it?"

"I, uh. I had another question for you. If you don't mind."

There was such an awkward earnestness to his expression. Sabine felt her curiosity rise. "Okay. Shoot."

He rubbed the back of his head. "I've been sitting on this one for a while. Since we were kids."

"Uh-huh. And are you going to ask me sometime this year or . . ."

Ezra huffed out a nervous breath. "Just come over here, please."

She obliged, her curiosity reaching its zenith. "Ezra, what is it?"

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a small jewelry box, and bent down on one knee.

Sabine's mouth went slack, her heart erupting into overdrive.

Ezra took a deep breath and said, "Like I said. Been wanting to ask you this for a while."

She let out a shaky breath. "Since we were kids?"

He grinned sheepishly at her. "Cheesy, yeah, but true."

She cocked her head at him, unable to stop herself from smiling like a lovestruck school girl. "Well, go on then. Ask me."

"Sabine Wren - will you . . . I mean, if you'll have me, if you still want me after all this, then, will you marry me?"

He popped the ring box open; inside were two silver rings, each embedded with sapphire and amethyst gems.

Under other circumstances, Sabine would have considered herself honor-bound to make him sweat. Just a little.

But not this time.

Sabine knelt down in front of him, ensuring they were on the same level.

"For better or worse," she replied softly. "Thorns and all. Yes, Ezra Bridger. I will marry you."

"show me your thorns and I'll show you hands, ready to bleed" - Aaron O'Hanlon