#YOUR HONOR OUR CLIENT DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS ILLEGAL

[mykelneedssleep]

This TikTok but The Penumbra Podcast

Transcribed for those that either can't or don't want to watch the whole thing:

"Your Honor, my client was simply standing on business" - Juno Steel "Your Honor, my client didn't know that was illegal" - Rita "Your Honor, my client was rapping the lyrics as the artist intended" - Mick Mercury "Your Honor, respectfully, you weren't fucking there" - Vespa Ilkay "Your Honor, my client was hitting them folks" - M'tendere "Your Honor, my client did not do that shit!" - Sasha Wire "Your Honor, my client's the powerhouse of the cell" - The Cure Mother Prime "Your Honor, my client would like to plead Gemini" - Buddy Aurinko "Your Honor, my client was thinking of that one girl from 2019" - Peter Nureyev (for the entirety of season 2) "Your Honor, my client was simply going goblin mode" - Jet Sikuliaq "Your Honor, my client's Mexican, he can say it" - [I literally can't think of one so this one doesn't have one] "Your Honor, my client turned himself into a fucking pickle" - The Ruby 7 "Your Honor, my client thought the Xbox mic was muted" - Cecil Kanagawa "Your Honor, if drinking bathwater is illegal you can lock me up too" - Julian DiMaggio "Your Honor, my client would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for these meddling kids" - Ramses O'Flaherty "Your Honor, who am I? "Oh, guilty! Guilty!" dumb fuck" - Brock Engstrom "Your Honor, what does convict mean?" - Peter Nureyev *Donald Trump impression* "Your Honor, my client is the most innocent client" "Your Honor, you're a great Honor. You're the best Honor." "Some would say the most innocent. I walked in here and I said "wow, he looks innocent."" - *Former Hyperion City Mayor, Mx. Pilot Pereyra's PR team* [Seriously these people really had their jobs cut out for them cause wtf? homie did so much illegal shit during their candidacy and the whole city just went "that's our mayor"] "Your Honor, that's cap" - Slip Jackson "Your Honor, you're kinda being a d-bag right now" - Alessandra Strong "Uh, Your Honor, what the fuck!?" - Miasma "Your Honor, my client was hittin' the dougie" - Nova Zolotovna

When I tell you making this took me so long, I mean that incredibly literally (fr in the time it took me to write the whole thing and caption the sections on the actual video I listened to an entire TAZ: Balance episode) but I think it's funny so it's worth it

[mateoxrafael]

"I'd still be helping each other, pretty sure motivational speaking would be a lot less messy," but Mateo loved the thrill of the mess, going into work and not having a clue what to expect. To know that it was his hands that saved lives, it was like no other feeling in the damn world and he absolutely loved it. "Maybe that can be a retirement gig when I get sick of scrubbing up," and hey, when it came that he wasn't having to hide who he was anymore he'd love to go around talking to whoever would listen to him. "I'm attractive which will at least draw a bigger crowd," and then he began to laugh without warning as the next thought came to his mind, "I could have a whole cult following, that'd be insane." Granted, he was in the mafia, which was basically the same thing as far as he was concerned - not that he wanted to be a part of it.

"Hm, a hero walking about our shores, we should be so honored, and yet you're so nonchalant about it. Do you know what other men would give to be put in that situation of honor?" He asked, though he wasn't going to push the subject. The client obviously didn't seem too phased by the award so why should Mateo continue to bring it up? As he listened to the others answer to the first question he asked he couldn't help but nod, "sound too good to be true so you had to see for yourself?" He was looking for something wrong, something illegal about it all, "I think them coming out here saved their asses when it comes to the legality of it all, but what do I know about what's legal and illegal these days," especially given the life he'd lived up to this point. The man, although not breaking laws himself, was surrounded by it on the daily. Though that wasn't the more important of the answers he was given, instead Mateo focusing on the second that he'd given and how he couldn't quite even explain it. "You don't know that," he suggested, "you'd be surprised what people could understand around here given the opportunity. You seem like you've got a lot on your mind, want to talk about any of it?"

Philosophy was not what he was expecting when he came to the brothel island. And yet, the guy beside him was spouting off deeper things than his therapist had the entire time he had used one. It was interesting. He wondered what had happened in this man's life that would cause him to have such an outlook. It was a hopeful one but when he spoke, Mike couldn't help but catch some type of sadness there. But really, hope only bred from sadness, didn't it? "You ever think about ditching doctoring and becoming a motivational speaker?" Mike asked, his brow raising. It was a joke because, yes, Mike could joke sometimes, but it was a real statement too. The man had a lot to say. He should consider letting more hear it.

He shrugged, "Some sun. It can be pretty gloomy, honestly." He mentioned. Mike didn't mind it though. Sun was alright but he got sick of it pretty easy. He was sure he was going to spend most of time indoors on the island, honestly. He chuckled and shrugged, "I suppose. They only give them out if you did something particularly 'heroic' in their book." It was pretty stupid in his opinion because all cops and federal agents were heroic in their own right, but what did he know? Mike ran his fingers through his dirty blond locks and he shrugged his shoulders, "I couldn't find anything about this place." Mike admitted, "It's really bizarre. I figure coming here is the only to figure it out myself." He shrugged. Perhaps it was stupid. But Mike was a curious man. The other question was to be expected. He was silent for a few moments, unsure how he wanted to phrase why he was there, "It's hard to explain." He just said, "Doesn't matter anyway." Mike threw out there and shrugged, "No one would get it."