#YLTTL

[mayykith]

this is for you @wildelydawn as a thank you for your wonderful piece YLTTL ❤️

[wildelydawn]

I was gonna keep this secret until it was finished but it sounded like maybe you're in need of some good things to start the year, so I hope this is a good thing. Your Look, Through This Lens is one of my all time favorite fics. Not even just for KimChay, it's really one of the best things I've ever read. It's so beautifully done, and absolutely devastating. Of course after reading it I had to go through your entire profile to find even more things to adore. But YLTSL will always have a special place in my heart. I love the way that it opens, with Chay, and the reader, already knowing how it's going to end.

I just wanted to share some love. I hope 2024 is kind to you <3

Oh my god, I am actually speechless right now AHDSJHSKJSF

I'm pulling out my hair I've collapsed onto the floor what are you DOING TO ME I AM GOING TO SHAKE YOU (so lovingly!!!)

fsdfhk fh okay well one, first, to begin, thank you for loving on YLTTL so much, to the point where you've drawn something. My whole body is shaking while looking at this. Chay's expression has me in tears. I know this "unfinished" as you've said but you've captured his melancholy so well here. The lowered camera is such a nice touch because he's so captivated by Kim and maybe even WIK. This is so beautiful. Even if you never finish it, this is so very special and beautiful and meaningful to me. You've brought this version of Chay to life. I am in awe.

Second, to hear YLTTL is one of your favorite fics has me weak; thank you for your kind words, especially since you're an incredible writer yourself. YLTTL was a story that made me take a lot of risks but to know that you still read through it all, enjoyed it, and hold it close, is everything to me.

Excuse me while I shout this in every corner I am in. Thank you is not enough.

[xxatlasxx]

Thinking of a photographer and his muse this fine morning....

Credit:jeffsaturjpg on twitter.

[wildelydawn]

It really gets me so very emotional when people tell me that they liked or even still think about YLTTL. It really makes me happy I wrote and finished it, and that it means something to not just myself and Amelia, but to other people too.

[wildelydawn]

fic authors self rec! when you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love~<333333 (omg i literally cannot remember if i just sent you this, so please ignore if i did!)

Ahhh hello friend ^.^ Thank you for thinking of me!!

My favorite five fics I've written, in no particular order:

Still Painting Flowers for You (KinnPorsche, Tankhun & Pete, T) I really like this story because I don't think Tankhun and Pete's dynamic is explored enough in canon. Pete implies that guarding Tankhun is odd, but I can't imagine Tankhun would put up with a guard he doesn't like. It was nice to explore how they might have bonded through trauma and nail polish.

Your Look, Through This Lens (KinnPorsche, Kim/Chay, E) Sort of self-explanatory. I like thinking about Chay and how he's had to mature so quickly due to his upbringing with Porsche. I think YLTTL is an example of Chay trying to be alone and mature because he's 18, working to get out of poverty, trying to fulfill a dream his parents had, but also that teenage impulse to follow your heart over your brain. Over a year since this story has been completed and while it's not my best work, I think it's definitely the best gift I've ever given someone.

Roses, Cold. Roses, Sold Out (KinnPorsche, Vegas/Pete, T) I just really love my short fics haha. I think they do the best job in capturing what sort of writing I am. I love thinking about Pete and Vegas interacting with one another between what we're given in canon, and this is an example of that.

The Horror of Being Stuck in Traffic with Your Brother-in-Law (KinnPorsche, Pete & Macau, T) Macau is such an interesting character to me, and there's so much to explore with him. I'd like to think he and Pete have a rocky relationship first before he totally becomes attached to his brother in law.

Longing for the Shore (Football RPF, Unai Simon/Pedri Gonzalez, M) This is funny because I only started writing this story two weeks ago, but i'm already 25,000 words in and so attached to it. It's going to be another emotional blunder, in true Dawn fashion: falling in love, looking at the settings and factors that may keep two people apart when they want to be together. I'm also really lucky that Football RPF fans have been so helpful in the research for this fic. Writing this one is a lot of fun: more fun than I've had in weeks, if I'm honest.

Thank you for the ask game, friend :3

[wildelydawn]

rereading your look through this lenses and

“Big is there, though he is fixated on a lighter rather than what is being said. “

Does Chan fucking die??

Congratulations, I think you're the only person who caught this. (Also thank you for rereading???)

Yeah. Chan dies in YLTTL. Sorry about that. There's a deleted scene in YLTTL where Big gives Chay the code to Kim's apartment because after suffering loss himself, Big doesn't want Kim or Chay to experience that loss. I didn't fully flesh it out and in the end, I didn't think it would fit since Big and Chay only interacted for a few lines in the story. But you can read the draft of that scene here:

10:18AM

Why is this fucking House so big?

Chay looked all throughout what one of the guard’s called Kim’s wing. But by the state of it, no one has lived there in years. Now he’s looking through the wreckage of the second floor. Other guards try to stop him.

Like Big.

“P’Big-”

“Khun Porchay-”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Porchay. It’s not safe here.” 

“I know, but I can’t find him. I can’t find Kim.”

Big grasps his shoulders. Something in his hand digs into Chay’s bone. “Porchay. Take a deep breath.”

It seems silly, really. To do breathing exercises in the aftermath of a shoot out. To stand here with Big and pretend the panic isn’t setting in. But Chay follows Big’s inhale and exhale because if it worked for an attempted kidnapping, then it should work for this too.

He hopes.

When they are on their fifth breath, Big asks, “Did you check Khun Kinn’s study? Or Khun Korn’s study?”

“Where are they?”

Big tells him. Chay nods along as if he can hear everything Big is saying. He makes the move to leave, but Big stops him yet again.

“Wait.” Big takes out a marker, puts the same lighter he fidgeted with earlier between his teeth,  and takes Chay’s hand. On it, he writes down a set of numbers. “Just in case you need to go to his apartment.”

Chay stares at the numbers. “I don’t-” Chay swallows. “I don’t think I can go back there.”

Big closes Chay’s fist. “You have to. You have to find him. Don’t let him lose you.”

“He won’t.”

“He’ll try.” Big toys with the lighter in his fingers again. “They never know until we tell them.”

[wildelydawn]

hello! i just reread your fic, your look through this lens and it's the most wonderful story i've read. i could read it again and again forever.

you said it is a hopeful ending, will there ever be a part two? a look into how kim is doing? i like to think of kim's album as kim's pov and that is enough for me, but would you ever add to the story if you get the chance?

Hello, hi, oh my goodness, thank you for taking the risk and giving Your Look, Through This Lens a chance. I do hope you reread it again because I still have no intention of reading it. X)

I honestly don't know if I'll add to YLTTL. Amelia had a visceral reaction to the story that resulted in me getting very long text messages and very loud voice mails. Writing more for YLTTL would, unfortunately, mean that I'd be putting me her through that. Again. Which I have no issues with, but if I go missing after publishing a part two, know that she's buried my body in a ditch somewhere.

In all seriousness, even if there is a part two, I don't think it would satisfy anyone because the story ends with Porchay knowing that as long as Kim isn't around, he is content as WIK, which I hope answers your question about how Kim is doing.

However, never say never. So if there is a part two, I will be sure to update the original fic. Whenever I talk with @petalsatur, I think of how she deserves a second part to YLTTL, so maybe one day, the brain cells will come together.

Thank you for such a lovely ask. It means so much to me that you care enough for a second part. This made my whole day.

[wildelydawn]

You had final thoughts for I’ll Ignite for You. Do you have any for Your Look Through this Lens?

Hi there; you asked this in August, and now it’s October. I waited so long because I didn't have an answer for you. And I still don’t know if I have an answer for you, but I think I’ll try anyway.

I want to first say that having final thoughts on II4Y was infinitely easier because of the nature of the story. Nothing happens in II4Y besides a conversation over the span of three days; and it’s a story that brings Kim and Porchay together and makes them part and then brings them back together when Kim is ready. (Even though II4Y is technically canon divergence, it could very well still take place after canon because I don’t believe Porchay needs to respond to the video. They just need to see each other, and that same spark/intensity from episode 4 would reignite, and that’s still up to Kim to do, in my opinion.)

Thoughts on YLTTL are different. One, I wrote from Porchay’s point of view, and while he’s not innocent or oblivious, he chooses to remain blissfully passive about the many inconsistencies with WIK. Porchay knows there’s something more to WIK, but he never asks because he knows that he’s not going to be WIK’s photographer forever. He knows he’s on a time limit. He has always known that; he’s ready to leave from the beginning of the story. @emberfaye asked me what the first part of Chapter 1 means and when it takes place. In that section, Porchay thinks about how unlucky he is to have the perfect subject because there's nothing to perfect. There is an ending; Porchay assumes the ending to all of this is WIK gets famous and moves on from him. So he's prepared (and maybe, in a meta way, this was my warning to readers to also prepare for the ending of YLTTL.)

The person who’s unprepared is Kim, and that’s borrowed from canon when Kim is looking at the polaroids of KimChay. And in YLTTL, I capitalized on that. He’s wildly unprepared for the fact that even the nicest feelings or moments don’t last forever. He's also unprepared in regards to the lies he tells, both in canon and in YLTTL. But he should be. He’s in the mafia. He knows nothing is permanent. But in YLTTL, he’s not ready for his music career to take off or even to leave the mafia. Chay is ready for the ending, though; he counts down the days every chapter. So, I guess the first thought is this idea of time: how much do you have of it? When will you be ready? When is the right time for whatever is it that you want to do?

Two, even if they were ready, circumstance isn’t on their side. This is just a fact of life. Kim asks Chay if things would have been different if they met at a grocery store. YLTTL was based on the idea that even in an AU, Kim and Chay don’t end up together. But that doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. I personally don’t think the canon ending of KimChay means they don’t love each other, and I think I wrote YLTTL to explore that idea a bit more deeply.

Three: And like I said in this post about Amelia, there’s a (potentially harmful) narrative that you should stop loving someone once you’re not with them. Oddly, I think I love Amelia more than ever; I can safely say she still cares about me too! But we know it’s better to move forward and to accept that there’s no love lost. She’s not this ghost in my life. I talk about her with my current partner. I dedicate IRL works and fandom works to her. This surprises people, but she’s not just a muse. Similarly, Chay is not just a muse for Kim. They are always going to be tangled with one another. Their story doesn’t end just because things like marriage, distance, time, circumstance, exist. Kim is going to find Chay in every crowd, every hotel room, he’s going to hope that every person behind every camera is Chay, and Chay will take everything he learned about photography and apply it to every subject that comes after WIK, he’ll admit to people that he wishes he could photograph WIK some more, he’s going to hold his breath every time he opens his camera bag and then sigh in relief when he doesn’t see anything from Kim there because that means Kim is doing what Chay asked him to do. And even when they can’t see each other, they don’t have to go very far to see each other. The photographs will always be there. You don’t have to see love to feel love, in my opinion. Just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean you’re alone.

Anyways. I don’t think this answered your question at all tbh because YLTTL is a KimChay story and also, in a very twisted way, a story about time and loneliness. But I’ve left you sitting in my inbox for too long, and I hope this was somewhat satisfactory for you. Thank you for reading YLTTL! And thank you for being interested in my thoughts beyond the story! 🖤

[wildelydawn]

A few weeks ago, I had a nightmare that one of the admins for KimChay Fic Fest was actually Jeff Satur and it was actually fucking terrifying but that aside, I started writing this thing in which WIK participates in his own fandom’s fic fest (obviously run by Chay) and I’m like three chapters in (it’s probably gonna be super short because what even is a plot) and it’s never going to see the light of day because it’s super cringey and I’m probably doing the whole Twitter social media thing wrong i have too many projects, but it also really balances all the feelings I have for YLTTL.

so basically the whiplash between them is making my head spin.

[wildelydawn]

Your Look, Through This Lens. | A KinnPorsche: the Series Fanfic.

Another chapter. We're getting close to the end.

Summary:

In the summer between his first and second years of university, Porchay becomes a concert photographer for emerging superstar, WIK.

Read the story on Ao3!

[wildelydawn]

Your Look, Through This Lens. | A KinnPorsche: the Series Fanfic.

After ten long months, Your Look, Through This Lens is finally complete. Thank you to everyone who has stuck by me. Words cannot describe how bizarre this feeling is, but I'm glad we went on this journey together.

Summary:

In the summer between his first and second years of university, Porchay becomes a concert photographer for emerging superstar, WIK.

Read the story on Ao3!

[wildelydawn]

Your Look, Through This Lens. | A KinnPorsche: the Series Fanfic.

This is the penultimate chapter. The epilogue will be published in a few days. Thank you for your patience. *Please read the updated tags.

Summary:

In the summer between his first and second years of university, Porchay becomes a concert photographer for emerging superstar, WIK.

Read the story on Ao3!

[wildelydawn]

Your Look, Through This Lens. | A KinnPorsche: the Series Fanfic.

Every chapter of this story gets more and more painful to write.

Oh well.

Summary:

In the summer between his first and second years of university, Porchay becomes a concert photographer for emerging superstar, WIK.

Read the story on Ao3!

[wildelydawn]

I have read your amazing chocolate au KimChay fic and I am really looking forward to the next chapter. This story is amazing. I would also love to dive into more of your stories, namely Your Look, Through This Lens. I saw the tags and I need to ask, who is bottom and top in this fic? Or do they switch? And how sad is that story? I mean, the plot seems interesting but you wrote in the tags that this is sad story. Thank you for your answers.

Hello there! First, thank you for reading and enjoying Bittersweet Chocolate, 90%! That means a lot. ^^

As for YLTTL, Kim is the top in the only sex scene in that story. However, if you have a preference in terms of sex scenes and who tops, I should warn you that BSC90 does have them switching.

In terms of sadness, the whole story has a very sad, melancholy feeling to it due to Chay's loneliness. I think that is the saddest part of the story. Most people who commented on the ending said things like: "The ending fits the story." ; "Bittersweet but glad I read" ; "It's not that sad, it's open." or some variation of that feedback. I think most people were okay with how it ended, but I do know several people who stopped reading as well. I recommend reading it when you're already in a mood or if it's a rainy day.

If you're looking for something a bit longer that does end happily, I recommend my first KimChay story, I'll Ignite For You. Also happy to talk more about YLTTL if you want spoilers! Thank you for reading my works!

[wildelydawn]

Your Look, Through This Lens. | A KinnPorsche: the Series Fanfic.

Sorry for the long wait. Real life sucks and to be honest, I don't want this story to end, even though we're getting closer and closer. That feels weird to write down.

Special thank you to @petalsatur for providing the art for this chapter. You can reblog and kudos her artwork, so show her some love.

Summary:

In the summer between his first and second years of university, Porchay becomes a concert photographer for emerging superstar, WIK.

Read the story on Ao3!

[wildelydawn]

It's such a little thing, but in your stories, you always write characters asking for explicit permission to touch. I've been reading them all, and I realized none of my partners have ever asked to touch me. It's just a constant taking and taking, and I never realized how important it is for me to be asked if I can be touched. So, thank you.

Hi; I first just want to say that this is a very jarring and tough realization to have, so I hope you’re okay, and I hope you’re safe. Please know you can come off anon and talk to me if you need someone to listen to you.

And you’re right; asking for explicit consent at many stages happens a lot in my stories and when I edit, I have to remind myself to remove the asking if it doesn’t fit the context of the story. Asking before doing is subconscious on my part because I do this in real life. Besides an emergency (which has never happened, thankfully) I don’t touch 98% people without asking. No hugs, no calming hand on the shoulder. The only exception to this rule is my partner and my best friend but even then, I announce what I’m doing. “Hey, I’m going to hold your hand” or “Hugs!” or “Can we dance?” I think a lot of people find it weird at first because I’ll say things like “Oh, handshake!” when someone’s offering, and that can be awkward. But it’s rubbed off onto my friends now too haha. I just think it’s the kind thing to do (if you can manage it verbally).

But if you’re asking in the context of YLTTL, WIK asks Porchay about these little things because choice is important to him. He has so little choice in his life, he can’t imagine doing that to someone like Porchay.

This was a long answer. My apologies. Please stay safe and know that it’s totally okay to have these conversations with partners and friends. 🖤