#YALL BETTER LOVE IT I EXPIRED ALL MY CREATIVITY ON THIS

[wonryllis]

𝜗𝜚 'OH' I LOVE LOVE HER?

╰ 𝖺𝗅𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗅𝗒, 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒'𝗋𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗂𝗍 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗋𝗎𝗇.

𝒏o𝓉ℯs. enhypen realizing it's you 𖥔 ݁ rom-fluff, kinda poetic? LIB? fem!reader requested word count ` 1945

꒰˵ˊᯅˋ˵꒱ love how this turned out!! <3. unedited!

𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆

he doesn't know much about love, he's never really experienced it yet. he has fallen for conventional and unconventional things, things that compliment and things that complete, he's been through the good phases and stuck through bad ones, he held on to things he shouldn't and let go of things he should.

there are a lot of lessons he has learned along every relationship he has been in the lines of yet lee heeseung doesn't believe he's ever been in love until he has been with you.

it wasn't something he knew he felt, but it was surely something he realized in the spur of a moment, in a split second of epiphany. he knew what he felt for you was something deep when he realized that yes he wouldn't hesitate to die for you, but what he wants is to live for you. it's easy to be the first to go but to hold your strength through everything and survive for someone, that is definitely love is what heeseung believes.

"baby, baby calm down i'm okay," he reassures your crying and frantic figure as you scan his injuries, ones he got from trying to protect you from a fatal fall. perhaps it was the situation or perhaps it was realisation of it all.

when he jumped to saved you all he could think about was he'd give his life if it meant you lived, but in this moment he cannot bear to see you so devastated, to think he could've left you like this? no, he's decided he is never going to do it until he can't help it and even then he'd fight to stay with his love.

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆

he has lived his life prioritizing his family over everything else. to him nothing can go above and beyond familial love. he doesn't really believe he can love anyone anything like he loves his family and that is a statement of disappointed in itself. if there's anything he wants to give his best for it's people who have stuck with him since day one.

bonds need to tested by time is the belief he holds dear until his world crashes into yours and time changes from something that defines to something that builds. his relationship with yours is not as long as people he's close to but however long you have spent together seems to strengthen and augment the bond.

his love for you settles into an understanding of his when finds you running through days and nights in the hospital caring for his family after a big blow. a choice to choose, not an obligation to carry out. a crack in his notions you give him a new definition of love.

"y/n? baby come on go and freshen up, i'll watch over mom," his hand rests on your head, soft caresses to wake you up after the long night you spent sitting beside his mother while he ran around for paperwork.

as you leave the room in a rush wanting to come back quickly and take his place so that he can get his rest, jay finds himself seeing you in a new light, telling his mother that he's found an angel. the angel she always told him about, the angel he loves.

𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐔𝐍

he has spent years jumping from person to person, reveled and basked in moments of happiness and run away amidst the weights of problems. there is a price to pay for everything and love is no exception but he has yet to accept the fact of reality, the thorns that come along with the scent and beauty of roses.

love gives and love takes, love heals and love hurts. it takes several trials and a meeting with you for jake to understand that.

to him it is a conscious decision, a hard hit and an opening of eyes when he realizes you're the one for him. he has never made it work until you, coming to the conclusion in the middle of the worst argument that you're worth all the trouble. and if wants to have you by his side, he needs to fix this and he needs to cherish you.

he can see himself with you for the rest of his life, one single person he is willing to fight for. for jake sim you are a sphere of acceptance, you redefine love and endurance for him.

"one day we're gonna have kids together and i want them to see that daddy really loves mommy, i'll change for the better i promise," jake's voice softens as he hits the big realization, getting down on his knees, tears falling free. your arms slip around him in a hug and jake swears he'll do all it takes to become the one for you, he'll do all it takes to make this worth it, he'll do all it takes to have you stay. because he's found the one he loves, the one he wants to be his best for.

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍

he has always felt a gaping hole in his chest, a feeling of homesickness even when he is home, a feeling of vanity even when he shines bright soaring through all the achievement of his dreams. to him there's something that's always missing.

no he has never thought of love but he has never despised it either. he doesn't dwell on the possibilities of it but the absence and lack of them. until you enter his life completing him like a perfect piece of puzzle, a missing piece of him.

he realizes his love for you in bits and moments of warmth, slowly step by step as you fill the void. from helping him through his hard times and cheering him on in his good ones, sunghoon finds his home in you, a walk so long but finally arriving at it's destiny, where it's always been meant to be.

perhaps he's always longed for love and never understood it. nevertheless, park sunghoon finds it in his moments of mundanity with you. you teach him the power of the presence of love.

"my little charmie, loved your pretty banner," sunghoon leaves a wet kiss on your lips, arms going around your waist as he comes rushing to you a second after winning the championship, cameras all panned on the champion of the season but all he can see is you. you feel like a warm hug on a rainy day, a blanket of comfort near the fireplace. all the anxiety he ever felt, the pressure to be on the top, you took it all and turned it into something beautiful and enjoyable.

𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐖𝐎𝐎

he has grown up surrounded and so bathed in love, he thinks he knows it all, he has seen it all. every version of love, and everything that exists in between. so confident he'd know it instantly, the one for him, the love of his life.

but love takes time and love find it's loopholes. someone that evokes no romantic feelings could become everything in just a turn of events. kim sunoo never believed or cared to understand that until he felt that something for you. that little upturn of sparkles and butterflies, that intense emotion kindling in his heart when he sees you in a new ambience. a single moment of revelation when he's staring at you talk about things that you love, things that he doesn't like but suddenly he doesn't mind hearing about it.

he knows he hasn't felt this way before for you, there's something different and that difference makes him rethink his entire relationship with you. you become so important to him in a split moment, love so familiar and calm yet unfamiliar and exciting.

"go on i'm listening," sunoo has his head on his hands, eyes shaped crescents, a gaze so loving anyone can see how he feels, so transparent.

the tiny flowers behind you would look so pretty on you, no- you look so much prettier than the flowers, your voice is so pretty, the way your lips move, the way your eyes light up, has sunoo always loved hearing about legos? no. has he always loved listening to you? he doesn't know but he could hear you talk forever.

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍

he is one who sees love in everything around. the little things and the big things. in the light and in the dark. in memories of the past and in possibilities of the future. there is not a specific instance where he realizes his feelings. to him you are the premonition of love. he knew it from the very moment he met you that you are the one he is going fall in love with. that inner instinct that instantly sparked up when you entered his life.

every day and every second it grows, it piles up, it escalates. the weight of life and the wings of love you make everything easier. one who has always given meeting one who gives back to him.

overwhelmed in an ocean of new eternal verities, a feeling so mad, blind and passionate he finds himself wanting to be bound to you by his every bone. if there's a forever then he wants to spend it with you taking walks by the river, watching the lantern festival with a smile on your faces, so sick in love it makes everyone else sick.

"i wish this wish comes true," jungwon whispers to himself as he watches you walk ahead of him, turning back time and again to tell him how far your lit lantern made with a pretty little smile on your face. he wants to see this everyday, every morning, every night till however long he can and if possible even in his afterlife and all the lives that come ahead.

to be the one to be chosen by you because he for one will always choose you in all forms of reality and at every chance,"baby wait up for me, let's go together!" hand in hand all along.

𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐈

he has always found himself struggling to express his emotions, words and actions alike. something so inherent in him, he can't seem to overcome it. the sheer desperation to get his feelings through to someone, he's never felt it. he hasn't ever felt the need to feel it. to connect so closely with another is not something he has ever been comfortable with or wanted to be comfortable with.

until you happened and riki's world went through a turmoil of sentiments, wrecking him from inside so intensely he could never go back to before. love is something he has never experienced and something he could never fathom.

it just never made sense to him, how one could feel so much solely for another. but in moments of his silence where you struggled to understand it all, he realized the importance, the willingness to learn to express his feelings.

your tears and your smiles he wanted to be the one to comfort and the one you showed your happiness to. the one you love and the one he loves.

"i've never said this before but you are so special to me, what i feel for you is something i've never felt for anyone else and i don't wanna lose you by not letting you know that. i'm wanna learn to show you that again and again,"

riki smiles through his tears letting himself be vulnerable before you, as you hold the little handmade gift he got. your own tears threatening to fall while you nod vigorously reaching forward to let him know it'll all be okay.

TAGLIST ( open. ) @kangseulgithegreat @s00buwu @luvyev @pockyyasii @nctislifue @ashtxrie @miniature-tragedy @jayujus @nanabbg @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly

[ahgaseda]

Can I say something real quick? I have discussed the subject of Got7 renewing with JYPE and it is no secret I despise JYP the man, but also the company. I don’t want to speculate, but I wanna bring up some facts that I’ve seen a lot of discourse about mostly on twitter.

Full disclaimer I am not trying to start anything with this. I just wanna put some of yall at ease because I see baby birds getting worked up over some of these issues. I love my ahgafam always.

Yes, Got7′s contracts expire next year. There is a strong chance that they already conducted negotiations this year (all of the members’ parents were spotted in Korea and at JYPE in January) and the final decisions will not be revealed until the actual expiration month. This is due to how the announcement will heavily influence stocks.

Also, this argument that JYP is no longer CEO and is not to blame for Got7′s mistreatment is incorrect. He is still the largest shareholder of JYPE. He is on the creative board. He still directly manipulates Got7′s activities. He constantly meddles in their music. Keep in mind the members actively fought for Page to be the title track of Spinning Top and lost because JYP pulled rank. Don’t think for a second he can’t do the exact same thing for business decisions. Division two didn’t just wake up one morning and decide to poorly manage Got7. They got their instructions from the top.

Jackson stating he wants to move to Beijing next year does not mean he’s leaving Got7 or JYPE. It means he lives in hotels every time he promotes in China and maybe just maybe he wants to have a permanent residence while promoting there. He wouldn’t just drop a bombshell like that if it implied something more serious. He has more tact than that.

JYPE not renewing a contract in Japan for Got7 is not suspicious. Got7 can still go on tour in Japan. They just won’t have anymore Japanese releases. The smart move is for Got7 to work more into the Chinese market, considering how well Jackson and Mark do there. Or to push for more activities in the west. We’ve seen groups signing with American labels for promotions here.

JYPE renewing the Got7 trademark through 2024 is not the end of the world. If Got7 does not renew their contracts next year they can still promote as a group with new material. We all know Jaebum has a whole hard drive of rejected bops. Not to mention Yugyeom and Youngjae actively write songs with the group in mind. All that music they haven’t released would not fall under the trademark and would be completely owned by Got7 however they choose to rebrand themselves. Also the members would continue getting royalties for songs they produced while under JYPE.

Everyone likes to shit on Got7 for not being popular in South Korea, but make no mistake it is known how much money they bring in internationally. Got7 would not get blacklisted for leaving JYPE. They could very easily get snatched up by a smaller label that knows their worth. The more likely scenario is that they make their own label together.

This next part is my opinion based on what I’ve gathered, but it’s still an opinion so keep scrolling if you don’t wanna read it.

All this being said, I don’t want them to renew with JYP and I honest to god don’t think that they will. Go on Youtube and look at the videos of Got7 shading JYP and then the video of JYPE mistreating them. It’s also no secret how well artists have thrived after leaving that shit hole. Just look at Sunmi. The first rule of management is to keep your employees happy or they will leave.

Jaebum is not happy. He has made that abundantly clear. He is not given any artistic freedom though he has more than proven he has the ability to make great music. I personally think JYP is trying to stagnate Got7′s growth while also spiting Jaebum, because Jaebum does not willingly submit to JYP and his massive ego. The way JYP openly ridiculed them on Knowing Bros and his behavior toward Jaebum on Hyena on the Keyboard was very telling.

Mark is not happy. JYP has time and time again made it impossible for him to go home and see his family despite other members given the availability to go home. Mark is doing quite well in China, though JYPE keeps his activities to a minimum. He needs more freedom to promote there. We also know the infamous Papa Tuan tweet that eluded to Mark thinking carefully of what to do when it was time to renew his contract.

Jackson is not happy. Team Wang has thrived and Jackson has built it from the ground up, and despite JYP having zero aid or input still gets a huge chunk of Team Wang’s earnings. As hard as Jackson works I know he does not like having to cut a check to a company doing nothing for him and his employees. Also comparing clips of Jackson with JYP to now, you can see they no longer have the friendly relationship they once had.

Jinyoung is not happy. JYPE is closing their actor’s division. We all know Jinyoung is passionate about acting. It has always taken a back seat to his commitment to Got7, but it is still something he very much wants to pursue. He also enjoys making music so it doesn’t seem he wants to entirely abandon idol life for actor life. I won’t even get into how much shade Jinyoung throws at JYP. He’s not exactly shy about it.

Youngjae is not happy. Got7 has been debuted for six years and Youngjae is just now getting solo activities. A radio gig and soundtrack songs are not enough. He should have definitely had a solo album by now. Given what little activities JYPE has gotten for him, he’s had plenty of time to not only put an album together but also promote it. There’s simply no excuse. JYPE has completely dropped the ball in giving Youngjae activities.

Bambam is not happy. Of the other members Bambam has gotten the best deal thus far. He’s been able to thrive in Thailand and we know Thai ahgases carry this fandom on their backs. But still he apologizes to us. He tells us he’s sorry and how scared he is that Got7 will disappoint us. He apologizes for short promotions and the poor job division 2 does. He knows what’s going on and he always acknowledges how hard we work and how frustrated we are.

Yugyeom is not happy. Resorting to his soundcloud and constantly having songs rejected for albums. Not to mention his limited promotions. He killed on Hit the Stage. Also most importantly with the recent incident of sasaengs trying to call him while he was on vlive. Ahgases have reported sasaengs and antis and JYP has done absolutely nothing to protect the boys. They don’t even release a statement.

My suspicions are that JYPE is milking every drop out of Got7 with minimal promotion as they have done for years. From a business point of view, Got7 churns out maximum income for very little effort. In addition to that, I have always thought that JYP mistreats them to a) stagnate their growth, b) spite Jaebum and the other boys that don’t fall in line, and c) because he’s a worthless turd that gets his kicks ridiculing underage girls for their weight.

I recently had a discussion with my friend who is a business major and she said something interesting. The big question was why does JYP mistreat Got7 when they are their biggest money makers? She said that’s exactly it. They know Got7 is leaving. Got7 has grown beyond their control. Got7 heavily influences investor confidence. They are trying to undermine Got7, to slack their popularity so that Got7 does not have such an influential hold on the company and its business interests. In a way they are trying to lessen the blow when it comes next year.

The fact that Dye promotions were bad, similar to YCMN, implies that Got7 did not renew if they did so already. If they had chosen to renew you can guarantee it was with the stipulation they would receive better support and promotion. JYPE in good faith would promote them better. Now if this next comeback supposedly happening in September has great promotions then I would change my mind. But I don’t think it’s likely. I know ahgases are hopeful that JYP will give Got7 their own sub-label if they renew but I don’t think his ego can handle that. He just has to have his hands in their music, getting a slice of that money.

In conclusion, I think it’s noble for ahgases to be campaigning so heavily for better treatment for Got7 but it’s a lost cause. There is absolutely no doubt that JYPE knows what’s up. They know if Got7 is staying or going, whether it’s already been renegotiated or not. It’s not like they sit in an office on contract expiration day and wait for the big decision. It’s like any other business. They make sure they know so they can prepare.

tl;dr: Got7 and JYPE already know if they are renewing their contracts or not. By the way Got7 has vocalized their disdain and how JYPE continues to mismanage their activities, it is likely Got7 are not renewing their contracts.

[laderahearts]

Frank Ocean and His Forgotten Alter Ego Lonny Breaux

First of all blame @prizord for making me write this. He didn’t hold a gun to my head but he said he doesn’t claim this project and to me that’s even worse. Frank Ocean at the time was just a songwriter from my knowledge and looked to create songs for other artists. That’s cool but the songs should have (and thanks to the leak) stay his. Its a lot of songs kind of like listening to Chris Browns, heartbreak on a full moon. But since I love this project so much I’m just going to split the songs into categories that may interest you and let you soul search from there. This project has a lot to offer so why not take notice?

Five stars means take a listen for sure anything less means read the description and decide for yourself :)

Lets start with the fact that Frank Ocean can turn love into anything. A tattoo, A pair of jeans or even the game sim city. Lets jump right into the songs Frank showed his creative ability to turn love into metaphor we never expected.

1. Acura Integurl *****

Maybe he was making a lot of love in his car but this song basically says his car is the love of his life and its previous owner wasn’t as cool as him. Its an example of how we talk about our partners previous loves. like yeah you introduced me to this but I put you on to this. I love this song and the piano leading the way.

2. Bedtime Story ***

Frank ocean compares being heartbroken to not being read a bedtime story to help him sleep. This is a very “pop” track but it has r&b undertones. Its the perfect way to explain feeling lonely and honestly a very creative way to express being lonely. This song is about the lyrics more than anything. Also I love how the bedtime story he wants to hear are just three words. “I Love You”.

3. Blasted ****

Have you ever gotten a tattoo WITH your ex? not one of them or their name but just at the same time? I have and I think about who I was when I got it and what I was feeling also how I made sure it wasn’t reminiscent of him at all. LOL Frank  expresses in the song that this tattoo will be a representation of their love for each other and how it should be in color because her exes were in black and white. Too bad now we can just get tattoos removed but I knew where frank was going with this. 

4. Bricks and Steel *****

I love this song and although he’s not comparing love to Bricks And Steel. He expresses what happens when two people in love cant communicate with each other. Comparing communicating with his love to talking to bricks and steel. Maybe the relationship he sings about is over but it doesn’t take away from this song at all. He even goes as far to say his phone bill is on roaming when he tries to contact his significant other. 

5. Denim ****

I never knew I wanted to compare me and my future husbands relationship to a pair of Levi’s, but I mean in real talk we STILL thrift Levi’s. For Frank to tell me a love that last’s can be directly compared to the levi’s I cut up in the summer for college kids then I trust him. Honestly I feel like he created this to be apart of a ad and if he did who ever passed on it missed a great opportunity. Thanks to Frank’s vocals you FEEL this and it feels like summer on the beach. What an artist… I’m in awe right now.

6. Holly Baby **

This is too pop for me but its a great way to make Hollywood a monster.

7. J.O.B***

Frank describes being in love to a full time job and how if loving his partner made him money he’d be more passionate than he is at his current job. 

8. Miss You So*****

So I love this song but it means a lot to me because the day my cousin committed suicide I listened to this for hours. My cousin was not only gorgeous but she understood me. In this song Frank Ocean describes how he didn’t cease the moment with pictures?moments that he kept safe. This song is beautiful and whether it reminds you of an ex, family member or someone who passed along you will appreciate the feeling you get when Frank says he wishes he would have been more responsible with his memories and the moments he took for granted. My cousin committing suicide I felt like she stole many moments from me and that’s what I hear when I hear this song.

9.No Bonnie ***

No Bonnie is about letting someone hold on who would do so but you know they deserve better.

10. Old Terror ***

You ever dated someone immature? you will probably feel this on a spiritual level but its hella pop. I like the lyrics but I could hear this slowed down. He’s comparing someone he’s in love with to being childish. I love this song for the relation factor lol.

11. Richest Man In The Room*****

Frank Ocean describes the love of his life being amazing and beautiful enough to be hung in a museum for people to view but never have. How every time they are in a room although everyone is looking at his partner he actually has their heart, and how that is worth more than anything else he could imagine. this is on the pop side but one of my favorites. Let me marry the man who thinks having me on his arm is the best feeling in the world.

12. Rocket love ****

A very Pop track again but comparing love to the feeling of being launched into space is amazing. The visual this song gives is worth the 4 stars.

13. Taste*****

Instead of calling his significant other a gold digger he just describes/compares them having an expensive taste and how hard is to keep them fed. He also expresses how nothing he does will ever be enough. who ever he is singing to is demanding more. Its like damn every time he does something they want him to top that. I LOVE THIS SONG. Send this to those people who are hard to please.

14. The City*****

This is amazing. Imagine being love the thing that powered our city like scares/laughter lit the cities in monster inc? Anyway he describes heart break as being out of resources and love being the only thing that kept him going. Ever been depressed? If so this song will pull at your heartstrings.

NEXT!! Frank is the king of Story Telling all the next songs will bring you to a situation you encountered or make you visualize one.

1. Cant Be The Last Time ****

Frank Ocean is taking for granted all the chances he was given in the beginning  of relationship as an excuse for why he cant get it together. This is literally men lol he’s on this track begging knowing he knows better. but if you listen to this song you can imagine everything that is happening and that’s what makes it good.

2. Day Away **

This is super pop, but I like it. If you listen you know what it feels like to go back to a day that could change everything. This whole song is wishing that day never happened. We all have regrets and here he sings about wishing he could go back in time.

3.Dying for your love *****

This song is amazing. I play out the words in my mind in the way it relates to me. If I couldn’t do that I would imagine the way he sang it. I love this. One of my favorites because I think this is how every one of my relationships have ended. I’m trying and they aren’t, I let it get way past its expiration date and then I decide to leave. I love that Frank sings like someone EXHAUSTED. This would be on repeat before a few of my breakups had I heard it sooner.

4. Hardest Thing *****

This is falling in love for the first time(maybe second or third time) and RUNNING. Now the other person hates you but you still want them. I feel like if you send this song they will give you another chance and if not well at least you tried. You cant listen to this song and not go back to a memory and that’s what makes it beautiful. Even if you are mad it wasn’t expressed sooner you feel it.

5. Know Better *****

Lol for all yall who love dating rebounds this is for you. Your rebound going back to their ex and this song is literally your argument. This song would be magic in my ears cause I’m agreeing lol. It also brings attention to the fact that WE KNOW BETTER. All this energy on someone who didn’t get to heal could have went to a new love. Drama is always better and this song is it. This song is also DOPE AF! Frank even guilt tripped them at the end. This song makes you smile and that’s what music is about.

6. Ready *****

This is for every hopeless romantic who cant stay put. If you are like me and you move around a lot and you love change the visual this song gives you for that back home love is everything. I can imagine driving to a view and drinking champagne or wine. The great thing about this song is that everyone can feel that way and if Frank Ocean never did anything else its make us all get in touch with our romantic side on this track. Also this song screams CAR SEX lmao

7. She Wont Say Hello****

Lmao It’s not funny but basically his highschool sweetheart went to college and said fuck you! Although its not funny this song makes you feel for him. He is at home trusting his boo who wont even pick up his calls. Being 17 suddenly becomes a depressing memory.

8. Simply *****

If you just got cheated on don’t listen. Frank Ocean is explaining how him cheating was a SIMPLE mistake. Although I don’t agree this is beautiful af and I forgive him on behalf of who he was singing to. lol that doesn’t count but if it did! if I ever cheated this would be on repeat. I hope I’m never listening from this perspective. The visual is stunning tho

9. Sucka for love(not sucker for love) *****

This is a BOP. Long distance relationship that gives hope. He’s flying out his muse in the song and well… no matter the distance he’s in love.

Now the songs that inspire and reflect!

1. Quickly*****

This song ended up on John Legend’s album featuring Brandy. Its all about loving and appreciating what you have in the moment. I think its a sentiment we all feel. JUST do it is the motto here.

2.Read The Stars ** 

The message is cool. but the song is to pop for me. In this song he is proving the non believers wrong and if at anytime you feel like you are the people who critique you… you will feel this.

3. Scared of Beautiful*****

I love this version better than the final brandy version. I love Brandy but he felt this. I feel this. Makes you never want to give up on yourself or doubt yourself. We are all beautiful in our own way and have something different to offer, I listen to this on my bad days.

4. Together*****

This is an anthem. Maybe someday people will use it as such but until then I will. Maybe it was his coming out story or maybe it was just a story regardless its a reminder no matter what we have to co exist together.

So these are really my standout tracks. There are more but these get replayed over time for me. I hope you guys listen with open ears and hearts. This is a voice of a generation and there are many more to come. 

-Rosegawd

[tamiddyinyourcity]

2:01am, Friday, the 13th of 2019.

The last spooky day of the decade, how are yall feeling? Pussies. :)

So I'm just lying down, feeling okay.

Repeating how much of an idiot Patrick, (who used to be called NPatrick, but ironically is now.... Ex-NPatrick???? I dont fucking know,) helps me recognize that I did nothing wrong in terms of having easily reachable standards for what I'd like in a relationship, and for leaving someone, if they cant do the bare minimum stuff.

He's saltier than an old person getting mad that their expired coupons from Safeway can't buy them a Gucci bag. And just as dumb, if that wasnt obvious as hell.

And now he's out of my life.

I guess my intuition warned me much sooner, but I at least gave him the benefit of the doubt before..... and he showed his ass, so it showed me enough to know that it would never get better unless I left the situation immediately.

Since if I can't even draw the line at "please don't be with girls that hate me alone past midnight", or "please at least help me healthily communicate with her so i have no reason to be paranoid"......

Then he would never accept any boundaries past that, no matter how clearly inappropriate or messed up things for our relationship started heading.

Then it'd be some dumb shit like "How dare you say I can't text Azalea about you during sex? You're so fucking paranoid, i swear", or worse.....

and I'd be a headass bitch for staying.

Leaving is right. Its so right.

And he messaged me at 2:22am, when he tried to deflect blame while probably either talking shit about me, or crying to his friends over his own stupidity.

From what I've read, 222 as an angel number means "change is coming, set your goals, stick with them".

Something about trust in myself, passion, faithfulness to god and myself, and independence.

....so the universe is telling me, "You did the right thing for knowing whats good for you and what is not. No one can make you feel bad for that.... Its time to start living out your goals real time."

....

God bless and amen.

I'm down with that.

Some manifestations:

I shall be the best creative out there. People love the content I make, relate to it, and support me constantly.

I only accept the best love and communication out there. If something is making me cry, it is the time to leave and cut the ties before I get roped into madness that I'll never deserve.

I am a great lyricist. I know how to create a verbal asswhoopin when necessary, or a sweet song that brings tears to someone's ears. My words are a blessing alone to see and hear, and people are soothed by hearing me speak.

I am a songbird. I have love and passion that needs to be fucking spoke about.

People want to hear me speak. They are craving music from people like me. I am going to excel, and those around me recognize this every single day.

I am worthy of respect and healthy conditions for myself.

I am a talented and beautiful person that completely knows my worth entirely.

God bless and amen, I have faith in my life and sincerely wish the best for others, to find better for their lives, and always strive for personal success.

I feel good so far.

Making strides towards my goals soon.

It's 2:17am, and I feel.... elated, is the word. I believe thats the best way to feel right now.

All thats left to do is start recording.

------

Thanks, Patrick.

You aren't a bad person, just confused, and not ready for the level of respect or commitment that I strive for in relationships.

And... I guess I did need to be alone for awhile.

I make my best content while sad, when angry, or when all I can do is overthink....

My artwork gets more detailed, my lyrics get more reflective and involved about my life, my sketches and paintings get more detailed.

When all I can think about is, "How do I replicate that face he made?"

"How do I say what I really wish he could know about how this made me feel, and the feelings that all come with it?"

"Whats the best way to let the world know every single way this made me feel, made me hurt, made me cry? Will they be able to cry from these words in a similar way that I have, or will it always be me being far more emotional than anyone else on these topics?"

.....and my creativity just peaks.

I hated to walk away, but walking forward with a relationship as toxic or as untrusting as that would have made me want to kill myself.

Sure, the suicidal or mildly dangerous thoughts from yesterday were very apparent, but imagine how worse I wouldve felt if I submitted myself to my own demise.

"Yes, I am 100% okay with you keeping secrets from me, hiding me from your closest friends, and allowing me to be seen as the enemy by people not involved with us".

I can feel myself about to vomit, even imagining saying all of that.

Or kissing a person that would tell his own girlfriend that her feelings are outranked by his other friend's feelings.... as if his friend was right to feel that way.

So, thanks, Patrick.

You're a gorgeous young man, insanely talented, and youve got a great ass. Look at your eyes, your smile! Your jawline is amazing. Your skin is clear as hell; your hair is always that gorgeous caramel brown, and all in all..... Daaaaaaaaamn, son.

Hot as hell, looking at you is amazing.

I'd be okay with being with you, if things had been different.

Maybe if Azalea didn't hate me, maybe if you understood where I was coming from, maybe if I said "we need a break" and not "i dont think i wanna see you anymore"....

Trust me, it was hard to leave.

I always leave your car with too long of a kiss and too long of a goodbye, so leaving without looking at you was the best way to avoid crying or spilling out so much.

But I had to.

Otherwise, nothing would have came out from it.

And, I need someone who sees my worth, not makes me question it in opposition to someone else's..... That's what I don't need in a relationship; "competition", with someone who isnt even in the relationship.....

But I needed to be single.

I can't open up about my previous relationships heartlessly on camera if I'm afraid of stepping on the toes of a significant other.

I can't sing songs about heartbreak if I haven't felt that way in such a damn long time.

And I needed to create, instead of calling you the second I feel lonely and asking for your arms and body as a distraction to self succession.

I still care about you, don't think I don't.

When my phone buzzes at 15% to let me know to charge my phone, my chest hurts, since I'm nervous about what I'd do if you messaged me.

Hell, even the night you sent your last text, I was listening to mothafuckin Earfquake by Tyler the Creator, and slightly crying, since.... yeah, didnt want it to end myself.

But the text mocking me sealed the deal, once I realized your lack of intelligence and empathy.... it made it so much easier. Stupid ass motherfucker.... thanks for closing the door for me.

Texting her was great. Leaving you was better.

All of that was necessary, to not be tied down to a person with less personality than a pet rock.

So thanks Patrick.

Love you so much for this.

Still probably go fuck yourself.

Thanks.

2:38am, listening to Young and Beautiful, and getting ready to start feeling like I'm myself again....

I've got this, I always have. Lets do this. :)

Peace out yalls. Thanks for reading this. Later days, bros. :) see ya :)

[imascientistofmusic]

Im a huge fucking nerd

final LYRICS FOR ENDOLPHINS AND MC FOUCAULT EP Welcome to Kirby’s Memeland (MILLIPEDES FOR THE MOLEMEN) Got it so hot y'all give me standing ovations while I'm spamming the squat[1] like my whole family's Croatian if my dad's Jackie Chan[2] am I Hispanic or Asian? please understaånd this equation ()[3] me no panic just blazing at any random location i’m your romantic liaison killa Beys in formation[4] the doctor's[5] now handling patients I put the wots in tarnations[6] I put the spots on dalmatians I move the block with my cadence Now time just stops when i say shit But the beat goes on cause i made it Alex Strong[7] in the paint and Singing So Long[8] to fake friends We can roll out the Save ends[9] Y'all kittens tryin my patience I need to find an oasis Pass me that blunt and i'll face it Why y'all stuntin so basic? Im kinda something like LASIK[10] take your quirk and erase it[11] If there's something to say then I'm Malcolm Little and Dakin[12] Welcome to Kirbys Memeland[13] Im a giant herbing with green hands[14] Defiantly serving up steamed hams[15] Yo shuhei hold up i got remands[16] Misery[17] in the moment Missouri in the mornings[18] Mysteries in the motions Miss her seas in this ocean[19] (oh shit) ALL AT ONCE (HOW HARD JAMES HARDIN GOES WHEN HE GOES HARD IN THE PAINT) One day i’ll kill all the white men take back the land we’re missin[20] Im Diego's street art and they're banksy's vandalisms[21] Like the second coming of yeezus[22] and he's risen Built a religion for giant robots[23] called it animism[24] My flow is so fucking preposterous Patrol the land rarer than rhinoceroses[25] Get your heads out the sand yall lookin like ostriches Didn't kill the cat[26] but we checked it into hospice I know yr feeling that and baby one i got this My boys swing the bats like my last name was ausmus[27] Best rappers who aren't black you know i top the list prophets foretold my path (my birth) it was an (heavenly) auspice Imagine how hard james hardin[28] goes when he goes hard in the paint Well i go harder than that On my level you ain't I'm smart as The Bat[29] I'm like double your rank I just started to rap But the devil remains In the details im valued retail theyre resale[30] i'll continue my never ending quest to impress you[31] I’m obsessed with the things that pens do Allah bless this mess because i swear i intend to Decompress and recollect about fucked things that friends[32] do Parenthetically my memes are better than y’all’s Im aesthetically[33] hiding in vectors too small Interjecting my dreams while dissenting all leans[34] Exquisitely dining on minds here at the end of all things [35] We bout those movers and shakers We bustin loose of the matrix[36] I get my fruit at bodegas Im bound to move to NEW VEGAS[37] Matthew McConaughey (HARRY AND THE HUMAN CENTIPEDES) Another space time anomaly[38] An Interstellar[39] odyssey Alright alright alright Im Mathew McConaughey Im unfuckingstoppable the impossible possible The whole world's my hospital not a gd thing is inoperable[40] Credentials are laudable Essentially i got it all Took a look at the d And then called an audible[41] Obliterate any Obstacle Precipitate like waterfalls Instigate a kinder cause Evicerate a haunted ghoul[42] When i fucks with physics the laws get more lax my words carry weight like the world's biggest snorlax[43] Come at me son yr gonna need more VATS[44] carried this town[45] for So Long[46] im getting a sore back their love for me like a tree to the Lorax[47] My lyrics paint pictures so i call them a Rorschach[48] my bones are telling me bad weathers on the forecast a storm is rolling in this is the calm before that Past five centuries all of them regrettable[49] Just like entropy i am inevitable[50] I was meant to leave my head it was full Fundamentally i'm so far ahead of these fools Down five hennessy's trying just to deaden this pulse[51] Iron sentry's lining the edge of the mall[52] 100% dying to dismantle this wall[53] Johnny five empathy no disassemble this bot[54] Quintessentially im X at the head of this school[55] Intermittently you slept in my bed it was cool incidentally we had sex in the end of the pool Human centipede[56] that ass it was my edible[57] G.O.A.T. (NIETZSCHE DIDN’T KILL GOD, I DID) Like JD[58] I’m the GOAT[59] Billy[60] hashtag Swag[61]gert[62] Worlds most accurate fact checking rapper This is a game to me Chutes and ladders[63] Here's where the bangers[64] be girl you know i had ‘er My flow the yangtze[65] i spit venom black adders[66] Opposite of banksy[67] or some bullshit “all lives matter”[68] Fuck the president[69] that dude cant get any badder[70] Cooking up some poppy tea[71] mix it up like cake batter HEY DON'T LOOK AWAY DON'T LET IT GROW ON YOU IT'S NOT OK Engrave the following on my headstone: “They[72] died getting head stoned peepin Tombstone[73] While eatin a tombstone pizza[74]" I’ve gone full blown nietzsche[75] said hello to the abyss "it was good to meet ya"[76] Behind this mask's a terrifying creature[77] Who would gladly cook you up and eat ya Every track i’m on mc foucault's the feature Threat level dragon[78] when im hittin the road again Like shang tsun out here looking for some souls to bend[79] Other rappers words are last years memes im so over them Like neil in the 80s its the weight of the world im shoulderin'[80] Tho ive been there once couldnt tell you where denver starts and boulder ends[81] Rockin california fishes like them pennsylvania colder pens[82] I spit fire like dylon[83] and i left the studio smolderin Sitch is Dire like sylons you used to know as older friends[84] Minds expired with prions[85] when i take theirs skulls and open em Im entirely high on the spirit taking time up and folding it[86] unlike battery acid im so hella caustic[87] Such flattering assets with a tongue so toxic Made saturn's rings spin on a cosmic cross stitch My staggering spit it god agnostic[88] [1] “Why do Slavs squat?” is a satirical catchphrase associated with imageboards and forums discussing Eastern European people and cultures http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/why-do-slavs-squat-slav-squat [2] My dad and jackie chan are aging to look like the same person [3] I use medical marijuana to treat anxiety [4] Beyonce - Formation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDZJPJV__bQ [5] My initials are DRB and so many folks call me Doctor or Doctor B [6] “What in Tarnation?” is a rhetorical question meaning “what in damnation?”, which is often associated with Americans living in the Southern United States expressing incredulous bewilderment. http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/what-in-tarnation [7] Drummer of Endolphins and one of the progenitors of this particular beat [8] So Long is my queerpop band SoLongNaota.Bandcamp.com [9] A saving throw in D&D http://dnd4.wikia.com/wiki/Saving_throw [10] Corrective laser eye surgery [11] Boku No Hero Academia character Shota Aizawa “eraser head” who’s special power is erasing others’ special powers http://bokunoheroacademia.wikia.com/wiki/Shota_Aizawa [12] Church of The Three Cats is at the corner of Malcolm X (born Malcolm Little) and Dakin in Lansing, Michigan [13] Gamboy title Kirby’s Dreamland but with memes [14] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Giant but with Weed [15] Simpsons shitpost classic http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/steamed-hams [16] Once I beat magic the gathering hall of famer Shuhei Nakamura in a Grand Prix with a timely remand [17] The first Endolphins release was called North of Misery as a nod to their being in Iowa [18] In 2015 I toured with Endolphins and had two amazing mornings in St Louis, s/o to KPAX and calcifer [19] Sometimes you meet someone who forever changes the way you think about things like water, and then you drown in thoughts never actually able to grasp anything completely again [20] im native as fuck http://www.corteidh.or.cr/tablas/24777.pdf [21] Artist Diego Rivera vs Banksy [22] Kanye West's ego messiah and eponymous album [23] giant robot anime trope for example: neon genesis evangelion, flcl, gundam... [24] Animism but with Anime https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animism [25] Rhino’s are near extinct everywhere https://www.savetherhino.org/rhino_info/rhino_population_figures [26] Slang for giving a person with a vagina multiple orgasms [27] Detroit Tigers skipper Brad Ausmus [28] James Hardin is a professional basketball Superstar [29] Comic book protagonist Batman [30] Price you get for selling an item new (retail) vs used (resale) [31] A certain person who since i have met has inspired most of my creative endeavors [32] See directly above [33] in a way that gives pleasure through beauty [34] biases [35] Comic book character Galactus, Eater of Worlds https://marvel.com/universe/Galactus [36] 1999 science fiction film The Matrix [37] 2010 video game Fallout: New Vegas [38] My favorite Star Trek trope [39] My favorite Matthew McConaughey film [40] See note #5 [41] In american football a quarterback will notice something about the defense and change the play at the line of scrimmage, this is called an audible [42] These are hearthstone cards [43] Snorlax is a very large and heavy pokemon that can only be moved by playing a special flute [44] Vault-tec assisted targeting system in Fallout video game franchise, the more skill points one has the more they can do in combat before an enemy reacts [45] I have been a pillar of the diy community in lansing michigan for 20 years [46] So Long Naota/Collective see note #8 [47] Dr Seuss character who is the protector of nature [48] The Rorschach test is a psychological test in which subjects' perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex algorithms, or both. [49] Since Europeans have arrived on the shores of North and South America they have brought only misery and genocide [50] The second law of thermodynamics requires that, in general, the total entropy of any system can't decrease other than by increasing the entropy of some other system. Hence, in a system isolated from its environment, the entropy of that system tends not to decrease. [51] Drinking is a mostly self destructive behavior for myself and I tend to only do it when i wish to self harm [52] Episode 3 of the 1997 anime Beserk [53] Fuck borders fuck walls freedom is not possible when they exist [54] 1986 film Short Circuit about a robot that gains sentience and learns of death the term for which is dissassemble [55] Professor Xavier from the X-Men comics who runs a school for Mutants [56] 2009 Dutch body horror film Human Centipede tells the story of people sewn mouth to ass [57] Analingus [58] The Mountain Goats frontman John Darnielle or JD aka thrashkitten member of the sooper swag project [59] GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) is a term used in hip hop to talk about the best rappers ever [60] A billy is a male goat [61] #swag is a song by rapper GMCFOSHO who is a friend of mine [62] Jimmy Swaggert was a televangelist who was defrocked for multiple prostitution scandals [63] Chutes and Ladders is a metaphor for life. As such, it is arguably the most philosophical of all children's board games. Based on the ancient Indian game Snakes and Ladders. The historic version had root in morality lessons, where a player's progression up the board represented a life journey complicated by virtues (ladders) and vices (snakes). [64] Banger is a term for a particularly moving composition [65] The Yangtze is the longest river in Asia and the third-longest in the world. The river is the longest in the world to flow entirely within one country. [66] A venomous snake that lives in europe and east asia, also a nod to the lyric earlier about chutes and ladders (snakes and ladders) [67] “Some have criticised the "obviousness" of Banksy's work, and accused it of being "anarchy-lite" geared towards a middle class "hipster" audience.” [68] A slogan used to silence the #blacklivesmatter movement [69] Donald Trump [70] 1998 Arcade game Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja later ported to the Nintendo Entertainment System known widely for its intro cut scene in which the protagonists are asked if they are bad enough dudes to save the president [71] Poppy tea is any herbal tea infusion brewed from poppy straw or seeds of several species of poppy. For the purpose of the tea, dried pods are more commonly used than the pods of the live flower. The walls of the dried pods contain opiate alkaloids, primarily consisting of morphine. [72] I am non-binary and use they/them pronouns [73] 1993 Western Tombstone starring kurt russel and val kilmer [74] Very cheap frozen pizzas of dubious quality [75] Nietzsche claimed the death of God would eventually lead to the loss of any universal perspective on things, and along with it any coherent sense of objective truth [76] Nietzsche once said: “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” [77] Nietzsche also said: “All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity.” [78] 2015 Anime and Manga One Punch Man’s shout out to Neon Genesis Evangelion describing a monster that is a threat to multiple cities [79] 1992 Arcade Fighing game Mortal Combat’s main villain who stole people's souls [80] Neil Young's sleeper Weight of The World from his amazing foray into new wave on his criminally unheralded album Landing on Water [81] I visited colorado for the first time on tour with Endolphins and tho enjoyable it was mostly mountains and urban sprawl and legal weed [82] The 2016 battle for Lord Stanley’s cup between NHL’s Pittsburgh Penguins and [83] Chappell show sketch about Dylon who thought he was the GOAT because “dylon spit hot fire” [84] Battlestar Galactica plot twist [85]Kuru is a very rare, incurable neurodegenerative disorder that was prevalent among the Fore people of Papua New Guinea. Kuru is caused by the transmission of abnormally folded prion proteins, which leads to symptoms such as tremors, loss of coordination, and neurodegeneration. Most people who develop it are cannibals [86] The quantum physics theory of time travel [87] Acids are corrosive and bases are caustic [88] God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it? — Nietzsche, The Gay Science, Section 125,