#Winter Issue 2022

[yours-stevie]

My boy 😍

[this-world-of-beautiful-monsters]

down and out and out of luck (we're spinning, but the needle's stuck)

Stephanie Brown is not the first former Robin to find out about her successor’s fate from the news. The experience is as brutal as it ever was.

_____

@amonthofwhump‘s 12 Days of Whumpmas Prompt: Too Late

Titles taken from the song Sinners by Barns Courtney.

You can find resources related to the current Roe crisis on my sideblog here.

(tw vomiting, canon-typical violence, no happy ending, major character death, past child abuse)

See also on Ao3

_________________________________

So, here's the thing:

Steph's walking down the street, back to her safehouse, fresh from an undercover op. Not the nightmare that St. Hadrian's was, thankfully, but still a bit of a rough business. She's got blood drying on her knuckles and a bit of ash in her hair, but she's breathing easy, satisfied that another branch of Leviathan has been snapped off for good.

It was really more her own op than anyone else's, self-contained in a way that reminded her of the early Spoiler days. The people she was working "with" didn't know a hell lot about Talia al Ghul's plan beyond the broader outline, so there wasn't a whole lot she could pass back to Bruce there, but she got some work done. Did some good.

She's powering up her phone as she walks, her real phone, not the burner that Talia's people used to keep track of her when they thought she was theirs, the one she spoke into when she wanted to channel Arthur Brown's most villainous drawl. She feels a bit of relief as she does it, like she's coming up for air, coming back to her world.

Then she sees the first item in her news alerts, and she stops breathing.

And Stephanie, okay, she has stopped breathing in this line of work. Not just having the wind knocked out of her, no, she's talking about the place between life and death where you find yourself standing when you least expect it. She has closed her eyes and teetered on the edge and it's a feeling, a memory, that never really leaves you.

She's standing there while people flow around her, standing like a lump in a strange city with no one who gives a second glance to the girl gaping at her phone. She's standing there and she can't breathe in a way that makes her feel dead all over again, except the dead aren't meant to hurt like this.

Steph looks down at the headline for a minute or an hour or an eternity and then she realizes it's buzzing in her hand, blasting the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme. She chose it to be funny; she can't quite remember the joke.

Brown, do something about that inane music.

The phone is so cold against her ear. When did it get so cold?

"Steph?" Her Batman--not the Batman, her Batman--sounds exhausted, wrung out. He sounds like he'd been crying, raw and burned out. "Steph, I need to--"

"Is it true?" she asks. It hurts to speak, like forcing out words on a hospital bed.

Dick lets out a choked, frantic sound. "You--no. No, I was supposed to get to you in time. You weren't supposed to see it on, on the fucking, on the fucking news, not like, like..."

"Shut up." The words feel like spitting blood. "Shut up, this is, this is bullshit. This is another stupid fucking plan like faking his death or naming him after Tim's car. This is Bruce being an asshole, this is another test."

He lets out a sob and Steph's knees start to buckle. "It's not, Steph. I'm so sorry."

"You don't know--"

"I was there. I saw, saw the light leave his, his eyes."

Eyes. Big eyes, suspicious eyes, bruised eyes, lost eyes. Sometimes they flashed green, sometimes they looked bluer, sometimes they were a dark and thoughtful brown. She never could figure out the deal with her Robin's eyes.

"I held him, Steph."

“No, you didn’t,” Her voice is building to a scream. "You didn’t, you stupid fucking partner, put him on the phone--”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry--”

“Shut up, shut up.” Her words tangle with his, like that time they tried to out-sing-scream each other on patrol and Damian called them disgraces. “Shut up--”

"Hey, lady," someone says. "Calm down--"

"Steph," Dick whispers, like a prayer. Batman reaching for his Batgirl across the miles, hands joined over a spreading pool of blood. Calling her Steph and not Brown, and she never thought that something like that would hurt so much.

A body jostles hers. The phone slips from nerveless fingers and this time she lets it fall, watches it smash to a million pieces in the street. Steph doubles over and vomits on the remains.

Then she's running, sprinting past red lights and swirling crowds, feet smacking against the ground like bullets. She runs like she can escape the tears stinging in her eyes or the scream caught in her throat, like she can escape the words ROBIN DEAD IN GOTHAM smeared across cyberspace.

Damian, she thinks.

She misses the funeral.

It's rushed, fuck knows why; maybe Bruce was trying to get ahead of the Leagues, keeping them from stealing Damian back again. Maybe he just couldn't stand the idea of Damian cooling above ground for so long. Maybe he wanted to punish her and Cass and everyone who wasn't in the immediate area, personally. She will never know with that man.

To be honest, she does seriously consider digging up Damian's corpse and hauling him back to Nanda Parbat--homicidal rages be damned, Steph's dealt with the little shit over sugar-highs and violence-happy lows, she can deal with this. But there's no way she's getting out of that situation alive and the thought of leaving Damian, confused and hurt and alone with the people responsible for this mess in the first place, makes her a little sick.

Besides, she has more immediate concerns. Steph knows what she's going to do long before she walks into the Batcave, eyes red from more than jet lag, buzzed on shitty airport coffee, shaking all over.

Her hair is a mess and every time she has to brush a lock out of her eyes, she remembers Damian braiding it, his fingers more delicate and careful than she had ever expected. I used to do this with Mother, he'd said.

Jason's memorial glints at her and she remembers sitting in the cave with Dick back in his Batman days, Damian sleeping beneath a tangle of wires between them after one fucked-up mission or another. Dick's voice, soft and weary, telling her a story about dead Robins and missed funerals and truths you weren't meant to learn from the news, Dick telling her about leaving his own home with an aching, bloodied face.

"Bruce," she says, dead calm, and he turns to look at her. Or rather, at her fist.

It's a harder blow than the time she slapped him, back when he fucked with her day while pretending to be dead. Back then, she hadn't none that he'd been hiding from Dick and Damian, that he'd left them alone with fucking Elliot for as long as he could before getting off his ass and coming home.

He staggers backward, reaching out to brace himself on a nearby table. If he was more himself, he probably would have either ducked or not flinched at all. As it is, he just stares at her, one hand pressed to his cheek, face perfectly blank.  

"Hi," Steph says. She doesn't mention that the second time she'd called Dick, he'd been given sedatives and loopy enough to tell her that Bruce had almost given Damian up to the League, a tidbit that had left Steph throwing up again as Arthur Brown's face melted into Talia al Ghul's behind her eyes. She doesn't talk about Tim's text, saying about how they'd spotted Bruce kissing Talia like an idiot on the Batcave's security footage, for whatever fucking reason.

She doesn't scream like she wants to, yell I left him in your hands, I trusted you to figure it out, I thought you knew what you were doing. You broke me on the altar of Robin, you burned Jason, you fractured Dick and Tim in ways I'll probably never fully see, but Damian was supposed to survive. He was supposed to fly.

None of that, because if Steph opened her mouth wide enough to let it out, she'd rip open a black hole buried inside her, the one where Arthur Brown and her baby and No Man's Land and Roman's laughter and the sharp claws of her nightmares all wait. She'd suck in the cave around them, and it wouldn't be enough, it wouldn't be enough, it'd just break her in two and she can't have that. She can’t remember Damian if she goes mad today.

So, Steph just shrugs and says, "Good to see you." Then she turns and walks away.

"By the way, if you hang his suit up like a taxidermied head in here, I'll tell the entire world who Batman is," she calls over her shoulder.

She thinks she hears him call out for her as she climbs the stairs. She doesn't look back.

The house is quiet around her, still and dark, sheets hanging limply over furniture. Tim is passed out at his desk, surrounded by piles of papers. Titus is sprawled in front of the cold fireplace, breathing gently, while Alfred-the-cat's eyes gleam suspiciously from the shadows. Alfred-the human is sitting in the same chair he was in when she arrived, sipping from the same methodical cup of tea.  

"I believe Master Grayson is out visiting the young master's grave," he says, dead calm, when she asks, like Steph can't see the dull look in his eye or the slight rattle of his teacup. It makes her feel just a little bad about kind of wanting to punch him, too, for letting Damian go that night.

She nods and slinks away; she doesn't have the courage to deal with Dick's face or Damian's grave right now, but she can't quite bring herself to leave, either. Her feet drag her upstairs, down the gently creaking hallway, towards the room she's only really visited once or twice.

The door gives easily, and that feels so wrong. Damian was the kind of kid that always kept his door locked, always wanting to be in control of his exits. The thought makes her hesitate, wondering if this is somehow a violation of his privacy, but the thought of his room being left cold and empty feels wrong, too.

So, she steels her resolve and makes her way inside, blinking as her eyes adjust to the dark. She can make out the glint of swords on the walls, the outline of his books on their shelves, the flicker of moonlight in the window, Alfred and Titus's beds lined up neatly on the floor. And she--she can see the body of a small boy, slumped across the bed.

It says far, far too much that her first thought is horror, outrage. Did one of them really dig the body up and leave it like that, prop it up like Jason's uniform in another hideous dimply? It takes a few seconds for her to think maybe, maybe...

But no, hope is crushed before it even has a chance to form when the boy shifts slightly and she sees the flicker of red hair, the curve of a shoulder covered by a flannel jacket. He's sprawled across the bed awkwardly, without getting under the neatly folded sheets; clearly, he didn't intend to fall asleep at all.

Steph hovers there, not sure if she should slip back out or not, but the door decides for her by slipping close with a thump. Shit. Colin Wilkes jolts awake, automatically fumbling for the light at one hand as he rubs at his face with the other.

"Dames...?" He sees her and stiffens, reddened eyes going wide. "I--I'm so sorry, Ms. Batgirl, I didn't mean--"

"It's okay, sweetie," Steph says, keeping her voice gentle. She crosses the room, letting him see her hands (Colin's background is murky, but something about the way he acts and his history in the system has always reminded her too much of home), and plops down in Damian's old chair. "I don't mind, really. And call me Steph."

Damian would fill her with holes if she ever dared to call him "sweetie," and laugh at the idea of using her nickname, but Colin has always been different. Better at being a kid, in his own way, even if he fights crime in the body of a gigantic man. And to be honest, she's always had a soft spot for the boy; call her sentimental, thinking of her old days as a self-starter who wanted to do good.

"Did you go to the funeral?" she asks. It sounds better than Did he let you go? She's not sure how Bruce feels about Colin, to be honest--sure, he managed not to be a dick about Colin attacking him under Scarecrow's fear gas, but he's still spewing that "no metas in Gotham" nonsense, and well...his headspace as a whole is a mystery to her right now.

She really hopes he doesn’t act like an asshole here, because then she���d be really mad. It's not like Colin asked for this shit to happen to him anymore than Damian did; they both just choose what to do about it afterward. The thought makes it a little hard to breathe when she thinks about it for too long.

"I...yeah." He shrugs. "It was pretty down-low cause nobody's supposed to know Dami's, um, y'know...." Colin swallows hard. "I didn't stick around for long, but I think the cops came and arrested Mr. Wayne."

"Seriously?" Even if she's pissed at Bruce, that sounds like a brutal turn of events.

"I dunno what happened," Colin shrugs. "I mean, they let him go. I don't think he's gonna go to prison like that thing with the Lynd lady."

Right. Steph had almost forgotten about that--first Vesper in the bedroom and Talia in the Batcave, like a goddamn game of Clue. They're sitting in a house full of corpses, aren't they?

She tries to focus on the living boy in front of her. "How're you holding up, huh?"

Colin looks down at his hands, rubbing one hand over another. There's a faint scar on his right palm and she wonders where it came from. If Damian knew that story.

"I was runnin' around, trying to help some of the kids Leviathan fucked up," he says softly. "Then I looked up and...it was on the billboard, you know, where they show the heroes and stuff sometimes? It was all over the news. He looked so..." A low, guttural sigh. "I know Dames was small, real small, but he never felt small. Does that make sense?"

Steph nods. "Yeah, he was larger than life. And he always wanted you to know it, didn't he?" She tries to smile, but it feels flat and dull.

Colin cracks a wan, short-lived attempt at a smile. "Mr. Ni--Dick, he came to the orphanage. Said how sorry he was, got me to the funeral. He just kept crying. I mean, I, I was, too...I..." He rubs his eyes again, harder this time.

"Dami, he--he told me his mom was the most beautiful lady in the world, that she was the best fighter he'd ever known, that she was smart and wise and brave. Then he told me I had to stay away from her, 'cause she wasn’t always herself, and there was a part of her might kill me. And then she....and I know that parents do things like that to their kids sometimes, but I don't know why."

"I don't know, either." And she’s been asking herself that question for a very long time.

"Were you, were you there, Ms--Steph?" Colin's voice is small, smaller than a body on a screen. He's not asking about the funeral. "Did you see him when..."

"No." Her mouth feels dry. "I wasn't there." Too late, too late.

"I shoulda been there," Colin whispers, like he's plucking the words straight out of her head. "I should--should have--" He slumps over, head in his hands, sobbing. "I'm sorry..."

"No," Steph whispers, and to her horror she finds her voice starting to rattle and break, too. She forces herself to stand and make her over to the bed, to Damian's bed.

"Colin, can I hug you?" She knows it's cruel to keep comparing the two boys like this, but she can't help remembering...

Damian, can I hug you? Just this once, I'm cold. (He'd had a bruise on his small cheek, and he'd been staring at the river for far too long, but making it about herself seemed to make things easier)

Tt. If you insist.

"Okay, Ms. Batgirl," Colin whispers, and she doesn't bother correcting him as she drops onto the bed and throws her arms around his skinny shoulders, tugging him close. He sobs into her chest and Steph lets herself sob back, because apparently, she still has some tears to shed.

"It wasn't your fault," she whispers, to him and to herself--to him because he needs it, and herself because if she can't believe it, she'll go crazy, or worse, turn into Bruce. "It wasn't your fault, you hear me?"

"It feels like it," Colin forces out. "And it hurts so much. I miss him so much."

"I know," Steph whispers, because that's all she can give him, that and the tears that drop onto his hair as they weep together in a dead boy's room. "I know, kiddo. I know."

[geminiiviolets]

just started watching the new Wednesday show and holy hell Wednesday is relatable

[deelovesbooks]

i take issue with that diagnostic question that goes "do you struggle wearing socks" not because its meant as a more open ended question for you to pop up being like, no for you see I have a system!

no i take issue with it bc my oblivious ass took until this year to go, huh i wonder if it doesn't just mean socks but any type of clothing

because as long as socks aren't cutting off my circulation i couldn't give a shit, but you know what i do actually struggle with? Fucking. Sleeves.

[painlandpalace]

dead boy detectives reading list

with the show finally out i figured it was a great time to share my reading list again! check it out below the cut 👻☠️🔎

-

⏳ the sandman #25 (1991)

this is their first appearance!

🐇 the children's crusade (1993)/free country: a tale of the children's crusade (2015)

1. the children's crusade #1

(2. black orchid annual #1

3. animal man annual #1

4. swamp thing annual #7

5. doom patrol annual #2

6. arcana annual #1)

7. the children's crusade #2

alternatively you can just read free country. whether or not you read the annuals i recommend reading free country's middle chapter

!!! in place of the annuals there is an additional middle chapter that was created for the book "free country: a tale of the children's crusade" where it is placed between the two children's crusade issues. the boys don't actually appear in most of the annuals (they are in two panels of swamp thing and appear in doom patrol) and reading them isn't necessary but i figured i would include them as they are part of the story.

❄️ winter's edge #3 (2000)

this is an anthology. their part is the 'books of magic: waiting for good dough' story starting on page 19

🐦‍⬛ the sandman presents: the dead boy detectives (2001, 4 issues)

i believe the tv show's esther finch was partially based on this run's villain.

*

(they do have a part in 'death: at death's door' from 2003. it's short and really just a retelling of events from sandman #25 with some minor changes. the entirety of their appearance in death: at death's door is included at the end of the next comic im listing so i am not really adding the death: at death's door book to the list)

☠️ the dead boy detectives (2005, one-shot)

this book was made by jill thompson in a very cute manga-esque style

👻 ghosts (2012), time warp (2013), the witching hour (2013)

these three are anthologies. the story 'the dead boy detectives in: run ragged' runs through all of them. 'run ragged' kicks off the next run.

🔮 from the pages of the sandman: dead boy detectives (2013, 12 issues)

this is the comic where crystal is introduced! a book collecting all 12 issues titled 'dead boy detectives by toby litt & mark buckingham' was released in 2023

🔎the sandman universe: dead boy detectives (2022, 6 issues)

the most recent run, centered around some really interesting thai mythology and featuring multiple edwin moments that i am sure you will love

-

and that's everything! i also recommend buying the omnibus if you can. it includes everything minus the 2022 run plus some additional bonus content!

i hope this is helpful! feel free to ask me any questions you may have about the comics. dead boy detectives is my number one interest so i should be able to answer

have fun reading! 👻

[aefward]

Port Magazine Issue 31 Dark side of the moon All clothing and accessories from the Dior Winter 22 Men’s collection Photography by Olya Oleinic Styling by Lune Kuipers Grooming by Gabriel de Fries Model: Jon at Tomorrow Is Another Day

[reasonsforhope]

"A 1-megawatt sand battery that can store up to 100 megawatt hours of thermal energy will be 10 times larger than a prototype already in use.

The new sand battery will eliminate the need for oil-based energy consumption for the entire town of town of Pornainen, Finland.

Sand gets charged with clean electricity and stored for use within a local grid.

Finland is doing sand batteries big. Polar Night Energy already showed off an early commercialized version of a sand battery in Kankaanpää in 2022, but a new sand battery 10 times that size is about to fully rid the town of Pornainen, Finland of its need for oil-based energy.

In cooperation with the local Finnish district heating company Loviisan Lämpö, Polar Night Energy will develop a 1-megawatt sand battery capable of storing up to 100 megawatt hours of thermal energy.

“With the sand battery,” Mikko Paajanen, CEO of Loviisan Lämpö, said in a statement, “we can significantly reduce energy produced by combustion and completely eliminate the use of oil.”

Polar Night Energy introduced the first commercial sand battery in 2022, with local energy utility Vatajankoski. “Its main purpose is to work as a high-power and high-capacity reservoir for excess wind and solar energy,” Markku Ylönen, Polar Nigh Energy’s co-founder and CTO, said in a statement at the time. “The energy is stored as heat, which can be used to heat homes, or to provide hot steam and high temperature process heat to industries that are often fossil-fuel dependent.” ...

Sand—a high-density, low-cost material that the construction industry discards [Note: 6/13/24: Turns out that's not true! See note at the bottom for more info.] —is a solid material that can heat to well above the boiling point of water and can store several times the amount of energy of a water tank. While sand doesn’t store electricity, it stores energy in the form of heat. To mine the heat, cool air blows through pipes, heating up as it passes through the unit. It can then be used to convert water into steam or heat water in an air-to-water heat exchanger. The heat can also be converted back to electricity, albeit with electricity losses, through the use of a turbine.

In Pornainen, Paajanen believes that—just by switching to a sand battery—the town can achieve a nearly 70 percent reduction in emissions from the district heating network and keep about 160 tons of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere annually. In addition to eliminating the usage of oil, they expect to decrease woodchip combustion by about 60 percent.

The sand battery will arrive ready for use, about 42 feet tall and 49 feet wide. The new project’s thermal storage medium is largely comprised of soapstone, a byproduct of Tulikivi’s production of heat-retaining fireplaces. It should take about 13 months to get the new project online, but once it’s up and running, the Pornainen battery will provide thermal energy storage capacity capable of meeting almost one month of summer heat demand and one week of winter heat demand without recharging.

“We want to enable the growth of renewable energy,” Paajanen said. “The sand battery is designed to participate in all Fingrid’s reserve and balancing power markets. It helps to keep the electricity grid balanced as the share of wind and solar energy in the grid increases.”"

-via Popular Mechanics, March 13, 2024

--

Note: I've been keeping an eye on sand batteries for a while, and this is really exciting to see. We need alternatives to lithium batteries ASAP, due to the grave human rights abuses and environmental damage caused by lithium mining, and sand batteries look like a really good solution for grid-scale energy storage.

--

Note 6/13/24: Unfortunately, turns out there are substantial issues with sand batteries as well, due to sand scarcity. More details from a lovely asker here, sources on sand scarcity being a thing at the links: x, x, x, x, x

[ty-loves]

Briarwood Mortuary🕊️🪦

The Briarwood Mortuary is owned & operated by the Briar Family of Brindleton Bay. This longstanding mortuary & cemetery is the resting place of many of Brindleton Bay's most coveted citizens. This lot can be used to lay your sims to rest peacefully, host a funeral service, or even have a wedding in the cemetery.  

Gallery ID: ty_loves415 (✅include custom content to find builds)

Information: 

30x30 lot

$319,543

 Functions as: Generic, Wedding Venue, or Museum lot

CC Used:

Asabinsims | Real Trees for build mode (1) 

Alf-si | Birch Trees (1),

Magnoliidae | Leafy Ground Cover plant recolor (1)

TheJim07 | Gravestone & Mortuary ts3 (1), Mater Dolorosa (1), Winged Victory of Samothrace (1)

Felixandre | Estate (2), (1), (3), Paris (2), (1), Chateau (2), (5), (6), Berlin (2), (1), London (1), Gothic Revival (2), (1), Grove (4), Fayun (2), (1), Florence (2), (1), Soho (1)

Pinkbox AnYe | Venice (1), Summer Garden (1), (2), Bayfront Powder room (1),  Miranda (1), Cozy Corner (1), Magnolia (1), Ashwood Dining (1)

SYB | Ratatouille Kitchen (1), Hotel (1), Piano (1)

Valia | Mediterranean columns (1)

Lilis Palace | Folklore Skanzen (5), Intarsia Enfilade (1)

Plush Pixels | Parisian Apartment (1), Summer in the Hamptons (2)

Max20 | Garden at Home (1)

Pierisim | Domaine du Clos (2), (1), Auntie Vera’s Bathroom Toilet (1), Winter Garden (1), Woodland Ranch Old Rug (1)

Harrie | Coastal (2), (8), Copenhagen (1), Brutalist Bathroom Tiles (1)

PsychicPeanutKitty | Ghost w/ a Lantern (1)

KHD | Noor Set (1), Ghibli (2), Liberty (1), Countess Desk & Chair (1)

Severinka | Halloween 2018 (1)

Sims4Luxury | Fall 2023 Pumpkins (1)

Myshunosun | Herbalist Clutter (1)

Natalia-Auditore | Baron Samedi Coffins (1)

CWB | Anapolis Wall Light (1), October 2022 (1)

HYDRA | Heart Vanity (1)

Sooky88 | Vertical Oil Paintings (1)

PandoraSimBox | Get to Church Stuff Pack Pulpit (1) LittleDica | Countryside Cabin Roof Trim (1)

*Packs Used: Lovestruck (benches), Cottage Living, City Living, Get Together, Jungle Adventure GP, Romantic Garden Stuff, Paranormal Stuff Extras & TOU: 

Please do not reupload or claim my build as your own

Please do feel free to tag me if you use this build <3

Always use bb.moveobjects when placing

Reshade by YoursTrulySims

Leave a comment here if you have any issues

Thank you all cc creators <3

All trees used in this build are CC, not defaults.  

@asabinsims @felixandresims @pinkbox-anye @alf-si @sooky88 @pierisim @lilis-palace @myshunosun @kerriganhouse @harrie-cc @sims4luxury @psychicpeanutkitty @valiasims @maxsus @littledica @hydrangeachainsaw @nataliaauditore-blog @syboubou @thejim07 @magnoliidae @plushpixelssims

[indizombie]

Indian media's collapse has meant that serious issues such as unemployment do not get the attention they deserve. Joblessness is not framed as a question of political accountability but is couched in technocratic language and buried in a maze of data and conflicting claims. Those who intruded into parliament reportedly told the police they were upset about high rates of unemployment. Youth unemployment in India is at around a staggering 23 percent, the highest for any major global economy and nearly double that of neighbouring Pakistan and Bangladesh. For graduates under 25, a report by the Azim Premji University estimates, this number rises to 42 percent. IT firms such as Infosys, Tata Consultancy Services and Wipro have announced they will reduce the hiring of engineering graduates by 30 percent-reducing it by 40 percent from the prestigious Indian Institutes of Technology-leaving thousands of freshly graduated students without jobs. Since the onset of the 2022 funding winter, 34,785 employees have been laid off by just 121 Indian startups, with 15,247 of them fired by 69 Indian startups so far this year. An improvement is unlikely. Pranjul Bhandari, the chief India economist at Hongkong and Shanghai Banking Corporation, estimates that while India will need to create 70 million jobs over the next decade, it will only end up with 24 million. Put simply, India's demographic dividend has turned into a demographic disaster.

Sushant Singh, ‘Fire and Smoke’, Caravan

[roseserpentpress]

Finished a fic I had loved back in highschool and still periodically read, Salt on the Western Wind by saras_girl, a drarry fic. I had finished the typeset for a much longer time before I finally printed it due to issues with pixelation and printing, and then ended up having format issues anyways, which I've yet to iron out (and previously had not had this issue, hm). Surprisingly, this was the first fic I began to typeset back in winter of 2021/2022 and I had overhauled a few times as the way I typeset changed over the years.

The long strip all the way around I made myself with watercolour (classically, the part of the strip I liked the best ended on the back side). The design around the title I hadn't originally planned, and then ended up designing when I found the title didn't have enough punch to it. Plenty of nitpicky things about it I could complain about but overall pleased with how it turned out. WIP photos below and fic link.

Salt on the Western Wind (M, 60k)

When the war isn’t quite as over as it first appears, a guilt-ridden Harry is sent to a mysterious safe-house. Among sandwiches, insomnia, and Mills & Boon, he discovers something quite unexpected. [Smoochfest 2012]

[covid-safer-hotties]

Reference saved on our archive

By Amanda Blum

PCR tests are far superior to rapid antigen tests—and now you can get them for home use.

Last week, I was about to go on a date, and because I'm severely immunocompromised, we agreed he would take a COVID test using one of my rapid home PCR tests. It was a courtesy—he felt perfectly fine— but he tested positive. By the next day, he was sick as a dog. And, by the way, the rapid antigen test he took when he got home that night was negative.

Regardless of how you much of a health risk you see in COVID, it is still, at best, an inconvenience that costs you days off work. A simple home PCR test saved me from that inconvenience (and worse), and if I'd relied on the common rapid antigen test or done nothing at all, I would probably be sick right now.

While the world has desperately attempted to move on from COVID, this summer saw the highest case loads since 2022, with a winter surge just around the corner. Almost 300,000 people died from COVID in the US over the last three months alone, so while the pandemic has transitioned into endemic, according to the CDC, there are still risks to be aware of. Around 400 million people worldwide have long COVID, where symptoms can range from annoying to absolutely debilitating, regardless of your age, pre-COVID health, or fitness levels. Cases of long COVID are crushing our medical system, too. The two best tools to avoid getting COVID continue to be masking and testing. Unfortunately, the PCR testing centers that used to be available in each city have long closed, and obtaining a PCR has become expensive and hard to locate. This is why home testing kits are so important.

While you may be used to thinking of COVID tests as interchangeable, there’s a big difference between the standard at-home antigen test and a PCR (molecular) test. Almost five years in, it’s important to understand why PCR tests are the ones you want when accurate testing is important.

The difference between a PCR and a Rapid Antigen Test What you normally think of as a home COVID test—like the kind you can order for free from the government—is a rapid antigen test. When these at-home COVID tests became available, they were a powerful tool to help people know they were positive so they could isolate themselves from others. Almost all at-home tests were lateral flow tests, also known as rapid antigen tests (RATs). They measure for proteins on the outside of SARS-C0V-2, but they have a major flaw: They can only detect active virus. If you’re asymptomatic or don’t have a high viral load yet, the RAT may show negative results while you have an active and contagious infection.

This is why, if you already have symptoms, a negative antigen test isn't conclusive. You may need to test a number of times to confirm you have COVID. When you first get sick, you may go a number of days (as many as five) without enough virus to set off a positive RAT test. RATs were designed to be taken multiple times in sequence.

A PCR, also known as a NAAT or molecular test, measures RNA and can detect even small amounts of the virus. This is why it has always been considered the “gold standard” of COVID testing. These tests are generally considered accurate starting one to three days before you experience symptoms. Until last year, you needed to get a PCR from a testing center, but home tests have evolved and there are now four rapid, at-home molecular COVID tests, meaning you test and get a result within 30 minutes.

Why we still need COVID testing The world is now divided into people who view COVID as part of regular life and those who, due to chronic illness, immune issues, previous infections, or age, cannot afford to get infected. For a long time, we viewed COVID testing as something you do for your own health, but home PCR testing represents a way you can easily protect those vulnerable people in your life without cutting them off from society.

But even if you're not concerned about others, you should still care about protecting yourself from multiple infections. While the likelihood you will die of COVID has gone down dramatically due to vaccines, medical interventions, and natural immunity from infection, the news has not done a great job talking about long COVID. As people get infected two, three, four, and more times, they are playing against the odds. It’s estimated that one in 10—or even as many as one in five—infections leads to long COVID, and to explain how much it’s not “just the flu,” COVID is now considered to be a vascular illness. That means it affects the blood vessels in your body, which go everywhere. Thinking of COVID as a vascular illness helps explain why long COVID is everything from extreme fatigue to migraines to numbness in your extremities, loss of smell and taste, extreme fatigue, and neurological and cardiovascular conditions.

While lots of people no longer even test to see if they have COVID, there are a few reasons to get a definitive answer. First, you can only get the intervention Paxlovid within the first five days of symptoms. Anti-virals like Paxlovid knock down your viral load, one of the things we think helps prevent long COVID. Second, no one knows who will get long COVID, and you might need proof of that positive test in the future for insurance or benefits or even to justify sick days.

Lastly, you need to get tested because it is hard to know when you have COVID. Symptoms of COVID include headache, body ache, fever, sniffles, congestion, fatigue, sore throat, vomiting, diarrhea, and loss of smell or taste. In other words, absolutely anything out of the ordinary. While a RAT is unreliable for safe socializing with people for the reasons explained above, a molecular test can pretty reliably clear someone to come in your house that day, or be in close proximity. In that way, these molecular tests can be a tool to help immunocompromised people back into the world and make multigenerational celebrations safer.

How to get a molecular/PCR test Outside of your home, your main options now are urgent care clinics and places that do testing for travel. In both cases, they’ll be expensive. In the case of urgent care, they’ll put you in the same space as all the sick people, who are now no longer required to mask in healthcare settings, so if you don't already have COVID, you might pick it up there. Fortunately, there are molecular (PCR quality) tests you can take at home.

Rapid molecular tests require a similar effort on your part as a RAT test. You’ll swab yourself and then insert that swab into a machine that gives you a result. There are currently just four brands of these tests available: Lucira, Metrix, 3EO, and PlusLife. Unlike RAT tests, you have to order them, although Metrix and Lucira tests are available on Amazon, and Walgreens stocks Lucira tests in select stores. For a long time, they were just too expensive for most people, so they were relegated to the likes of movie sets, law firms, and Google employees. Prices have gone down, so now they’re more accessible—as low as $10 a test. Here are your options.

Follow the link to see the full review with relevant links!

[mikufigureoftheday]

miku sage !!! what are some of your favorite miku nendoroid figures :3 im kinda obsessed w them rn

Nendos are so fun ( ´ ω ` ) so cute, posable, and usually not $10000000 lol

I could link like 20 of them bc I have issues, but I'll just pick 5 to show off for the sake of brevity lol

[callmewrinkles3]

Castles Crumbling - DR3 x Fem!OC

Summary: There's just four races to go until Em never has to be near McLaren again, but her anxiety isn't getting any better. With fractures growing in their friendships and people in the media talking, how could it? Not even a gift from her husband could help.

Words: 15.5k

Warnings: The 2022 F1 season, COTA 2022, mental health issues (anxiety, depression, social anxiety, issues with food, one instance of accidental self injury), Zak Brown opening his mouth, hospitals, mentions of assumed domestic abuse, medical staff, smut.

AN: Remember us? Yeah it's been a while, we know. But we're back! Tumblr is a mess right now and with this we decided to make it worse. Please, please heed the warnings here. This is probably the lowest point Em gets to, and it's not a good place. It’s a hard, complicated one. If it's not something you feel comfortable reading, that's alright. Stay safe out there. See you around. 🫰🏻

October 2022

Em had no idea why she was so nervous the day they got to Texas. There was absolutely no reason to be, they'd had some time off and it had been lovely. Her anxiety kept going up and making her stress which was the last thing she wanted. She was tucked in under Dan's arm, their friends were there, and they were in one of her favourite places in the world. Even if when Dan asked her what she wanted to do on their days off she'd said nothing. She didn't have the energy to do it.

The cancelled Russian GP felt like a miracle, giving them a full three weeks off instead of a week in London and one in Sochi. It was an oasis after the triple header of Spa, Zandvoort, and Monza. As soon as Dan finished media after the Monza curse kicked in they left the circuit. Like the year before they were holding hands, but this time it was anger and misery. He'd been on for points. Good points. And then the car just died under him. Fuck McLaren.

They'd gone straight to their favourite pizza place, getting a smile from the staff when Em ordered in Italian. Even the Tifosi in the restaurant chilled around them. There were nods and smiles, Em returning them when she could. It was there to the hotel for some sleep, and the next morning they had quick goodbyes to everyone before renting a car and driving up to Lake Como.

It was normal for them to have a getaway in Italy after races. It started with the beach trip after their first night together in Monaco, and 2019 was the nights in Milan after two impossible feeling races. But finally, after a quarantine year that cancelled their plans and then Em having to cancel them when Dan won. But finally they got to spend their time together. Dan had promised her that even if he won they were still going.

But the car gave up, so instead they said goodbye to Blake and Micahel for three days away. Em adored them, but she'd spent so much time with them that they weren't her usual safe places. Things with Michael still felt awkward, and time apart just felt right. The three days were spent alone, actually getting to wear their rings while they tanned, ate pizza and pasta, and spent hours making love on any surface they could.

The best part of the three weeks off wasn't sunny Italy, it was going to Perth. Dan had to be at the MTC for two days for sim duty before the double header so they went back to London, but as soon as they could they were on the direct flight from London to Perth to see family. It had only been two months since they'd seen Joe and Grace, but they hadn't seen the rest of the family since the super quick trip they'd made to Perth after they got back together.

All they wanted to do was hug the kids and be home. They just wanted to be uncle Danny and auntie Emmy. Even thought it was winter it was warmer than Em was used to. It was healing being back at the farm. Silence at night, family arriving in the late morning or early afternoons, it was perfect. Either they went to see people or people came back to see them at the farm for a full two weeks.

It helped Em's anxiety lessen, as did the regular therapy sessions. They had one on a Monday evening while Em was in Perth, set for a time where no matter where in the world she was she'd be able to make it. On race weeks she had one on Thursdays too. Plus seeing the constant smile on Dan's face while he was home. That put a smile on hers. If anyone deserved to be happy it was her Danny, and Em would do anything in her power to make sure he was.

The fun days ended all too soon, hugging everyone goodbye and promising to see them in Abu Dhabi for Isaac's birthday before they went back into the swing of things. Singapore and the race wasn't bad, Dan finishing with 10 points. But Japan was awful. Lando barely in front but the team acting like he was on the podium, and the weather and recovery vehicles. Dan had talked to her about Jules once before, about losing one of his best friends as a result of those conditions on that track. Her heart was in her throat as she watched Dan go around and round. It was another weekend watching the man she loved be disappointed at a track he adored, but at least they got to spend a week in London before Texas.

Once they got on the plane to head to the US, Em could feel the nerves building in her. It was different from the - high grade if she was honest - anxiety that she usually had most days. This time there was a reason. Dan was showing her the house he bought them that she still hadn't seen in person.

It had started from 2019 when she was tipsy and half asleep and whispered it while dozing in his arms that Austin would be a nice place to live. Since then he'd been searching, revealing it to her when they were in Montreal. The original plan was an apartment with a balcony and natural light, but getting that in the delivery radius of their favourite barbecue place was nearly impossible. And then between the pandemic and everything it turned into wanting so much more than a one bedroom apartment. Plus hiding it from the woman who he spent almost every waking moment with felt impossible.

He'd signed the papers when she was in Liverpool, a desperate dream that maybe Em would come back to him.

Telling himself it was an investment and worth it even when he wasn’t fully sure it was. He knew in his heart he’d never rent it out but he had to try something. It was a total lie. But then he flew down to Texas before landing in Miami to sign for the house. The original plan had been to show her when she arrived in Miami. Dan’s sick hope that she’d turn up. But then she didn’t and he just kept hoping until she was finally there.

They’d said they’d stop off on the way to Montana, fly an extra few hours so Em could see it. But she was too fragile and exhausted and trying to put her pieces together. Then it was the summer break but the news about losing his job put the kibosh on that. So finally they were in Austin and couldn’t be disturbed and Em was about to see their home.

October had felt like it would be a lifetime away then. It would be autumn and starting to get cooler. But then she was there and they’d landed in Texas, gone through immigration and were in the rental car on the way to their brand new home.

It was scarier than moving into their apartment in London had been. London had been quick, necessity thanks to living in an Airbnb and needing to find somewhere to pick together. There’d been two weeks thanks to Dan between viewing it and getting the keys. But they’d viewed it holding hands, decided what room would be what.

This was different. Dan had picked it out entirely on his own, she’d had no idea. And she’d known about it for five months, desperately wanting to see more than the photos. If Em was honest she’d half thought the photos weren’t right, the oh so normal suburban home with a little garage attached. But as Dan put the car into park in their driveway it hit her. This was their home.

A lot of the time they had similar tastes. Food, music, and clothes were the big ones, they’d match in a lot of ways. When it came to TV and movies and podcasts they had differences, but unless it was one of his UFC podcasts she was usually happy to watch what he wanted, the same way he’d watch what she put on. One of the things they almost always agreed with - except for LA but Em wasn’t going to have a discussion about how ridiculous a full mansion for himself was - was where they lived and how they decorated. They always liked the same places and were interested in the same things when it came to a home. If there was something weird or one of them didn’t like it, the other generally didn’t either. It was how it worked when they’d found the apartment in London, they’d walked in holding hands and just knew.

It’s how Em knew Dan had to have done a good job when he chose somewhere in Austin. If he liked it, she’d like it, and when the car stopped she knew she was right. Her expectations were that it’d be an apartment in a high rise building, but it was in front of a house. A little country style 1960s house, like the stereotypical one you’d see. It was nothing like the ridiculousness in LA or the farm in Perth. It wasn’t even like the place in Italy Dan was looking at for them to have as a wedding present. It was so normal.

A one family home on a suburban Texan street. A couple of houses had lawn signs out, there were kids bikes on the street. It felt idyllic as Em looked at the pale brickwork and dark door. It felt like somewhere they could relax and just be.

“I know we said an apartment, but when I saw here it was perfect. It feels like us.” Dan held up a key on a cowboy hat keychain, the Longhorns orange logo visible.

“I’m not complaining at all, it looks cute. Time to go inside?”

They walked up to the front door holding hands as a smile spread across Em’s face. She wanted to stop and take it all in, but her excitement was too much. She could stand out in the front yard later, right now was for going inside. All she could do was look up at Dan and how peaceful he finally looked. It had been literal years for him and she couldn’t be more grateful that he’d kept holding out hope for them.

Opening the front door of somewhere new was always exciting and this was no different. She slipped the key in the slot and twisted to feel the lock disengage. Em went to push the door open but before she could Dan lifted her into his arms, nudging the door with his knee.

“Dan, what?!”

“Gotta carry the bride over the threshold, right? It’s my job.” She laughed at the grin on his face as he brought them inside, carefully depositing Em back on her feet in the living room so she could fully take it in.

The room was a blank canvas. Wooden floors with lots of windows and light, white walls just waiting for paint and decoration. Somehow he’d gotten a Welcome Home sign put up in front of the fireplace. It was cosy but had enough space for them and friends to be there. The work and effort Dan had put in was making her tear up before she’d even seen anything else. Then when she did turn around and saw the lavender door she actually did shed a tear.

The one thing she’d wanted in life was to paint her front door lavender. She’d seen photos of colourful seaside towns with different brightly painted doors and decided she wanted hers to be lavender. It wasn’t from Friends, as much as people might think. She’d never been a fan of that show really. But there was no possibility she could do it as a kid, and then in her rented apartments it was never going to happen. But Dan had promised her that he’d do it, and he had just for her. She turned to hug him and held onto him until she could get herself together for a moment.

“I told you we’d have it, it was just a matter of time. I know we can’t have the outside in London, but I thought the inside in Austin would work?”

“It’s perfect. You’re perfect. I love it. I love you, Danny.” His arms tightened as she said it, a kiss pushed against Em’s head.

“Love you too. Wait until you see everything else, I think you’ll love it.”

Dan held her hand as they moved through the rest of the house. The kitchen was gorgeous and sitting out on the counter was a set of orange Le Creuset pans that matched the purple set they had in London. It was like her perfect kitchen was right in front of her. The doors to the back garden were there, a deck leading down to grass and it was carefully enclosed. It was safe and beautiful. She wandered outside and looked at the wildflowers growing at the end of it.

She had no idea how she’d gotten so lucky. How did he love her even after everything? After everything she’d done, everything she’d nearly ruined? But Dan loved her with everything and he did all of this for her. It was a home, not just a house, and part of her hated that they wouldn’t really spend enough time of the year here. He’d given her everything, and she didn’t know what she’d do if she didn’t have him.

A quiet sob made her turn around in panic to see a smile on Dan’s face as tears streamed down his cheeks. Her arms wrapped around him, holding onto her husband as he cried. They were both too familiar with tears by this point, and her job was to hold onto him and love him and wait until he was able to speak. These were the overwhelming tears.

“I thought I might never see this place. Especially not with you. I was waiting until you were here to see it in person and I think I’d come to terms that it wasn’t going to happen.” The rawness of his words cut her deeply, Em kissing his jaw as a reminder she was here before she could speak.

“I’m right here, Baby. I’m here. And you’re here with me. We’re together.”

“I know. I know.” Dan kissed her so gently Em thought it could have been a dream until she opened her eyes and looked at him.

“Good…what do you mean you didn’t think you’d see it? You flew out to sign?” He squeezed her and Em knew no matter what he was about to say she was going to worry.

“I did. But I didn’t come here. I signed the contract and hired someone to keep an eye on it and do what I needed. But I couldn’t come here without you. It was for us.”

“You bought an entire house without seeing it?” The disbelief was clear in her voice. Her insane, brilliant, generous husband.

“It was a bad time, don’t judge me.” She never could. Not in a million years. “I wanted to do more things, y’know? I thought about changing the windows out for ones with bigger panels of glass so you have even more light to read, put some screens up so you can open them without bugs. Have some of the flowers out the front under the living room window. Maybe change the roof? The one there is fine but it’s gonna need replacing in a few years. Plus I wanna change the fireplace cause that’s original from the 70s when this was built and I don’t like the tiles. But not without you. Even looking at furniture to buy felt wrong. That’s what you do. You turn the places we live into homes without even thinking about it. Plus, I thought it could be like an anniversary present. Five years ago this week is when I met you for the first time.”

Em settled into Dan’s arms with her head pushed against his neck for an extra moment as she took in what he said. She’d so nearly blown their lives up in April - walked away without so much as a word. But even though she did that he loved her and still believed she’d come back somehow. How could she not be utterly in love with him? She didn’t deserve him but he loved her anyway.

“We turned them into homes. Us. Together. That’s what made them into homes, and it’s what’ll make this into one too. So thanks for waiting for me to do it.” It was a sweet kiss and wiping away the tear tracks from his cheeks as she smiled up at him. They’d turn it into one. She wouldn’t ruin yet another home for them. She couldn’t do that like she had with their first flat. “Show me everywhere else? Please? I wanna see our room.”

The rest of the house was just as perfect. A bathroom with a gloriously big bath for her and Dan to fit, two spare rooms, and finally the master bedroom. It wasn’t stupidly huge, but it was perfect. She could see all the flowers that Dan had gotten planted outside through the window. Em had no idea how he managed to get it done but he did and she’d be forever grateful for it. The other thing he did was get a proper mattress for each bedroom. It wasn’t a full bed yet, there weren’t even sheets, but she could actually lay down. As comfortable as the business class seats were, she just wanted to lie down and stretch. Her sneakers came off in a heartbeat and that was about as quickly as Dan was lying on top of her.

"You like it?" Dan whispered as if to not break a spell. His head was on her shoulder while his arms wrapped around her body to pull her as close as possible.

"The mattress? It's amazing, I wonder how I'm gonna get up again. The house is very nice too." She kissed his forehead while her smile grew even wider. "I love it. I really, really love it. It's absolutely perfect, Love. I still think you're insane, but thank you."

"I'm happy you like it. You know you never need to thank me."

"Really? Cause I think I know a way to thank you and bless this place together."

All Em needed was one kiss on her neck and feeling his grin against her skin to get going. Clothes were thrown off and left on the floor, and the luxury of not sharing a wall with anyone else was perfection. The loud moan as Dan finally entered her with one slow push echoed around the near empty room.

Usually on race weekends she was careful to not mark Dan's neck or scratch his back or shoulders. Usually she'd do her best to leave no marks at all unless it was a break but that day she couldn't care less. Her hands were all over his back and holding him as hard as possible. Part of her brain screamed at her that she was fucking everything up and she needed to stop, but Dan's frown as she went to let go and the way he squeezed her made her continue. If he was prepared for any comments and wanted her to keep going then she was going to.

At least now people knew that she was the one responsible for anything. She sucked a small dark mark against his collarbone, watching as the skin reddened and bloomed. She didn't care about it in the moment. The next day she probably would when his shirt moved the wrong way and everyone saw it but right then she couldn't care less. For once her head was quiet, focusing about how warm her Danny was against her, the way his hands made her feel so good. How he was hitting the perfect spots in her, the whispers of how good she was and how she was his best girl, his only girl. The marks he was leaving against her that screamed she was his. His, his, his.

When they finished it was like magic. Like every time he held her tight and kissed as they came down from their highs, the two of them keeping the other there. It was one of her favourite moments with him since that very first time they'd slept together. The world stopped for a few moments, silent and the only people who mattered were them. When she opened her eyes Dan was there, that smile that made her fall head over heels all those years ago on his face as he stole a kiss and made her smile against his lips.

Years ago the next thing in their routine had been one of them - usually Dan - asking to stay the night even when they shouldn't. That part of their routine was long gone. But the comfort and cosiness of the moment was ruined by Em's "oh shit!" and running to the bathroom, too afraid to mess up the brand new mattress that didn't even have sheets on it. The only thing there to clean up was Dan's shirt and she wasn't doing that to him.

When she came back feeling better Dan still kissed down her legs to make her giggle, Em looking at him smiling up at her. She ran her fingers through his curls as she looked down at the love of her life. How did she get so lucky? She didn't deserve him.

It took everything to get up from that mattress. She was jetlagged and tired and wanted to stay there and fall asleep beside him. She was comfortable and didn't want to leave. But they had things to do, shopping first on the list. If they were staying there for a night before moving to the team hotel they needed basic stuff. Dan insisted they didn't need sheets for the mattress, they had toilet paper and paper cups for their celebration and could get takeout. Even while Dan was trying to say nonsense Em was rolling her eyes and pulling clothes out of one of their cases to put on. She made Dan do the same, even as he insisted she looked better without clothes on.

"Do you really want me to go to Target naked, Love?" The wide eyes and rapidly shaking head was all that Em needed for him to get up and shimmy his jeans on.

For most couples a trip to the supermarket was a normal thing. But they weren't a normal couple, or at least not that normal. Usually groceries were delivered, and the occasional times they did something like this was during the winter break in Perth. They'd go some weekday morning when it was quiet and people didn't notice them. She loved it though. It was like going out with an excitable kid who looked at everything and kept stopping. She got to hold his hand and be normal for rare occasions.

So that afternoon it was a rare opportunity for Em to drag him around. It took a pout to convince him it was a good idea, but an oak milk latte from the Starbucks before they started shopping was all the extra incentive he needed to keep going. But as they started wandering Dan was the one who kept stopping and looking. He wanted the perfect glasses, Em got distracted looking at lipsticks for a new perfect pink. Then they spent time deciding on towels and bedding for not just their room but the spares too. After all that a coffee maker and mugs had to be bought, along with the matching plates and bowls. All of that, plus a lamp, cushions, a fake plant, fairy lights, candles, and groceries for that night and the morning that could be frozen when they were leaving ended up in the trunk of the rental car. Em couldn't stop grinning the entire drive back to their house.

London was a mix of things they'd had in both of their apartments, choosing what they preferred and putting them together with new things when they really needed them. Perth, Monaco, and LA were kind of like that, Em turning professionally interior decorated places into actual homes instead of places where they just spent time. But Austin was different. It was a blank canvass where she could start from scratch and turn it into colour and home and happiness. Even if this trip was just a few things to make it better she could take time and decide what they were going to do.

She barely got to put the sheets on the mattress before Dan was dragging her back down, covering her in kisses. It had been since the summer break when they felt like this, able to hold and love each other and Em able to shut her brain up enough to enjoy it. Thye spent the afternoon and evening moving from bed to couch and back again, ordering takeout from the restaurant Dan made sure they were near, before returning to loving each other. Dan held onto her as they fell asleep, Em content and cuddled in.

The next day was when they were supposed to move to the hotel but neither of them really wanted to. The boys landed and they met with them, checking in, but deciding to spend that night in their home before having to go back to the F1 circus. Instead they spent it with Michael and Blake, Em watching the three of them laughing and joking. It was easier to stay a little on the outside of it all and watch, Dan's hand around her waist as they sat in their favourite bar in Austin yet again eating barbecue and Em drinking a coke and stealing sips from Dan's one beer before the race weekend.

Getting out of their uber and being completely alone once the front door closed was a luxury for Em. They were always surrounded by people, she knew that. Dan loved having family and friends around, loved being with everyone. She'd known that since the beginning. It was one of the reasons - besides the obvious - why she was around the boys so much. Dan loved to bring his people around and Em loved watching him be happy and glowing no matter how loud it was. Usually she could put her earplugs in and smile and it was fine. But at the track and in offices and media centres it was more of the same. There were always people, Dan was always busy.

She'd known from the beginning that Dan wasn't always hers. She had to share the man she loved with the rest of the world. And she knew this, she married him knowing it, but it was hard sometimes. She'd gone in with eyes open that especially during race weeks it was a good week to have a couple of hours alone together. The only thing she asked was that they went to bed together. She'd stay up as long as she had to to do it with him. She always fell asleep with her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. Dan always woke her up with a kiss on her forehead if he had to get up before her as a quiet goodbye and a heads up she'd fully wake alone. It was what they did. So one extra night where they got to wake up completely alone felt nearly perfect.

But some nights, even when they were alone, she could tell Dan's head was somewhere else. This was one of those nights. They were curled up to sleep, arms around each other, but Em could see that his eyes were open and his jaw was tense. Even with the way the last few days were nice it wasn't an easy time. Everything seemed to be slowly crumbling around them. Apart from their relationship it seemed like so much was falling apart and it was impossible. She was doing everything she could to keep the man she loved going but Em didn't have much left to give. There were some things she couldn't fix. She couldn't magic up a seat in a team for him no matter how badly she wished she could do it. She couldn't even negotiate with him, because that wasn't her job. Doing it for the McLaren severance was different, that was for their pride and to prove that team hadn't ruined them. It was personal. But talking to other team principals? She couldn't.

The one thing she could do was reach up and push a kiss to his jaw, watching as he looked down at her with sad eyes. She could ask the questions and support him and love him and give him advice.

"Penny for them?" It was quiet until Dan took a deep breath.

"Should I talk to Haas? Guenther sent over a proposal. It's a seat for n-"

"Absolutely not." The vehemence that she came out with worried even her but she kept talking. "That team ruins people and makes them miserable, and as much as Guenther has been decent to me in the paddock they're run ridiculously. Look at what's happening to Mick, he told Mick last week that he might keep the seat but now you're being offered it? They won't listen to you, they won't care about the setup. They'll mess it up and blame you. They did it to Kevin and then begged him to go back. You deserve better than it."

"It might be the only way for me to have a seat next year."

"I'd rather we call it a day and just go home." Em was blinking back tears as Dan held her closer, watching as she got herself together. "I can't spend another year watching you suffer for a team and their stupid car while you're trying to smile. This year has been so hard, Danny. You deserve better than that. You're so much better than that."

"Do you really want that? Do you want to go home?" The words echoed around her head. Home. She still didn't know what it was. Dan was her home, but she couldn't say anywhere really was anymore. But her tears began to fall and she couldn't stop them.

"We lost too much this year, Danny. We lost a baby. We nearly lost us too. We did lose us for a while and we nearly didn't make it back. I don't have anything else to give it. This sport and this team has taken almost everything. It even took my dignity in Spa. We've given it everything. Baby I love you with my whole heart and you know I will do anything for you. You know that." She took a deep breath as she tried to get the courage to ask.

"I know, Baby girl. I know. And I love you just as much. We're us, that's not changing ever." His words and the warm arms around her made her able to say it.

"You can't ask me to watch you go through another year like this one. You can't do that to me. We can't go through another year like this and you know we can't. If we try it's going to break us. Please. If you love me just...please don't. Be a reserve driver or try something else or any other driving, I'd rather watch you do ovals. Please don't make me have to go through watching you suffer like this again."

She broke down after speaking, feeling Dan hold her even tighter than he had before. She'd never said it. She never wanted to tell him not to drive, she adored him and trusted him to do the right thing. But this was terrifying to watch. She didn't know what she could do except ask him not to drive for once.

"Hey Baby, I've got you. It's alright, Emmy. It's alright. It's going to be fine, Baby girl. I promise. You just take deep breaths. Breathe in with me Baby." She followed his exaggerated breathing until she'd calmed down from the panic attack she'd nearly worked herself into yet again. Her fucking brain. She needed to be calm for this.

"I'm so tired, Dan. I'm exhausted and I don't know if I can deal with another year at a team that won't respect you. This year was too much. I can't lose you again. Please don't make me lose you again."

"It won't happen, Emmy. I swear it's not going to. I'm gonna be right here."

"It happened twice."

And that was her fear. They'd basically lost each other last Christmas, and what should have been the final nail in the coffin was Melbourne. They shouldn't be together. They'd fought for so long, they'd promised each other. But she didn't know if she could fight for another year to try not lose him.

"That was different and you didn't lose me. I fucked up but we're right here. Remember that forever promise we made?" He kissed her ring finger, Em smiling through her tears.

"I almost did and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I can't go through it again. Call me selfish but I just can't."

"You're not selfish. You're the exact opposite of selfish, Babe." The pain in Dan's voice made Em feel even worse than she did saying it.

"I feel like I am. I know how much you love racing."

"But I love you more." He punctuated his words with a kiss before continuing. "I'm chasing loving racing again, and I've stopped loving it now. Maybe it's time to let it come back to me. If it works I can try get a seat in 2024. If not I've got you, and we can work it out from there. I can be a househusband. I was thinking about it, y'know? Maybe it's time for me to be a househusband, you get your year. I'll stay home, make breakfast, do laundry, all that. You deserve a year of not doing anything after taking care of everything I've thrown at you."

"You and I both know you'd go insane if you did that. It'd be fun for a week." A watery giggle escaped, Dan smiling at her ability to laugh.

"Maybe two? But it can be your year. I want you to be happy, not just following me around the world while I'm doing it."

"All I wanna do is be with you. I just...I want you to be my Danny for a while. I don't want to have to share you with the world for once. What I really need right now is to wake up on a weekend and not go anywhere. I want us to stay in our bed, not in a hotel unless we're on holiday. I hate myself for being this selfish and asking you, but I need this."

"A weekend in bed not going anywhere sounds really good right now." Dan kissed her nose, brushing the hair out of her face to make sure Em was looking at him. "I'm telling you, you're not selfish."

"I feel like I am. I feel like I'm making a decision for everyone. Michael's gonna need a new job, it's a mess."

"I was thinking about telling him I think it's better for our friendship to not work together so that'll be fine. Jack's looking for someone for F2 next year, that might work. But you're not making a decision for everyone, you're telling me how you feel. I told you before. If you asked I'd walk away. We deserve to be happy. You deserve that."

"I love you." She held onto him tightly, desperate to make it clear how much she loved him. She didn't deserve Daniel. Not at all. Somehow he loved her even though she'd made a mess of so much. "It's just one year. Then we can go back. You can keep racing till your forties if you want like Fernando. I don't care if you do."

"You really think I want to race that long? Two or three babies and racing around the world for twenty something weeks a year?"

"Seb is. For now." She wasn't looking forward to saying goodbye to someone who'd always been kind to her.

"Yeah, but I don't think I'll be able to do that after our kids start school. There's a difference between Switzerland and Perth."

"If you want to do it the option will be there. As long as you want to keep racing and you're happy you know I'll support you. We can work around anything else." Em snuggled into him at his words, at the knowledge. He wasn't lying. They'd be happy. She'd make herself be happy.

"We can talk about it then. But Toto and Christian have already been in contact about a reserve role. Christian rang before I even did the video. But I'm focusing on you and me first."

"Thank you," Em breathed out.

"For what?"

"For being you. I just wanna be your girl. I wanna be your girlfriend in public and nothing else. I...I need to be your girl for more than a week, not your assistant. I love my job and I love working but I need this. I need to not think about the fact that I share you with the world for a weekend. I know it's a lot to ask but I need that. Just one year. Can you give me a year?" She felt awful asking, but they were there together. She knew he wouldn't feel bad about her asking.

"With one condition."

"Anything you want."

"Marry me. I'll take a year off as long as you marry me."

"Did you hit your head or something? Want to do it again?"

"We said we were going to do it properly, right? I'd propose and we'd have a wedding with our family and that's what I want for us. A year off and we can plan our wedding. Go wherever we want for our honeymoon. No schedule, no fitting it into a two week gap and a honeymoon over the summer break. Just us and the people we care about. So marry me, Emmy?"

"Yeah. This sounds perfect." She kissed her husband, grinning against him as he held her left hand and kissed the perfect engagement ring he'd given her in August when she'd proposed in LA. Getting to do this their way was more important to them than revealing anything else. It felt right.

The next morning when Blake came over for breakfast before the three of them went to the hotel they spoke to him about their decision. It was easier than Em expected it to be, Blake agreeing with both of them entirely. Dan was burnt out, Em was a mess of a human, they were shadows of who they were just a year before. It made sense.

He didn't admit it, but Em knew Blake was exhausted too. He'd been carrying her and Dan for the last six months on his own, a year away from all of their travelling and chaos would be good for him too. They could recharge and focus and next year Blake could start putting feelers out about potential seats.

The other thing they agreed was Em was taking a leave of absence from work. She hated it. She hated feeling like she couldn't do her job. But she needed to look after herself and both of her boys agreed. As soon as Dan said it she knew he was right, nodding and hugging him. At least they got to tell Blake about planning the wedding, and the hug her big brother gave her was worth everything.

Once they got to the hotel it became the normal race weekend whirlwind. Dan was in media and strategy meetings while Em stayed in her hotel room, Criminal Minds on tv while she smiled at her ring and took down little notes about the wedding they wanted. Blake was there showing her the progress he'd made on hiring the horse for Dan's grand entrance to COTA the following day. Her idiot was actually attending press day on a horse. It was entirely Blake's fault for encouraging it months ago.

When Dan got back they facetimed his parents to give them the news, Em crying as Joe said he was happy to finally get to properly call her their daughter now. It was a good day. She was taking the good day.

The only downside to arriving to the circuit was firstly that she couldn't hold Dan's hand because of the horse, and secondly having to hide her engagement ring. She didn't want to take it off, but it was an unspoken agreement that they weren't telling anyone outside their people until after the season was over. They didn't want McLaren using it for media. She didn't want an instagram post from anyone who was firing her husband congratulating the happy couple. She didn't want that orange team involved in her personal life, so the announcement could wait. The nice part was getting to pet the horse Dan was riding. Before Bluey was saddled up she got to brush him down under his groom's careful eye, and afterwards she brushed him and gave him an apple as a treat. It felt like back in Montana, brushing the horses there and her anxiety disappearing for a gorgeous few moments.

Once that was done she didn't have much to do for the afternoon. Blake was officially taking over what she'd been doing, following Dan from meeting to meeting instead of Em. To avoid even more rumours and speculation she wandered the paddock every hour or so with her iPad in hand, chatting to people she knew and acting like it was normal.

It was a weird relief that not working was a help. She still had her therapy sessions with Mildred every Monday - plus a Thursday one before most race weeks - still had her every two weeks psychiatrist appointments to talk about her medication levels, but it felt like it wasn't working. She felt like she was jumping out of her skin, anxiety a constant in her head. A decent part of her wished she could stay in their hotel rooms on any given weekend, but she had to be there for Dan.

Her weekends were most comfortable when she went from the entrance to Dan's room and back again. Nobody bothered her in there, she hid away while her friends and husband were busy, and she felt awkward sitting in hospitality with people looking at her like she was a dead woman walking. So instead she lay along the massage table pinning things to a pinterest board to start wedding planning. Her plan was to show Dan what she liked and they could decide after.

Between taking notes about not wanting designated seats so it could be a mix of people and looking at flower options she dozed off where she lay. Sleep was at a premium for Em on race weekends, but having something nice to think about helped her doze.

She woke up to Dan's kisses against her forehead, not even opening her eyes but reaching out for Dan to squeeze her hand. It was a quick murmur that he'd be back soon, he just had one more meeting and then they could go. Before she knew it Dan was back, helping her stand and fixing her hair so she didn't look like she'd spent the last hour sleeping. They walked out of the paddock hand in hand, ready for the hotel and to curl up in bed together.

"I wish we could just stay in our house instead of here," Em whispered as she looked out the window to the city view in front of them. It was gorgeous, the room was luxurious. But she wanted their house with the mattress that they didn't even have a bed frame for yet. Dan stood behind her, Em resting her back against his front. She could relax and let her anxiety float away for the next few hours until they had to get up and do it the next day and the next and the next, before the brief reprieve before Mexico.

"Saturday night after Blake's birthday dinner? And next time we're here we can stay there full time."

"That sounds perfect."

Waking up on Friday morning was nearly impossible. The universe knew Em wasn't an early bird, but she felt absolutely drained. She didn't want to think about it, but something was wrong with her. She knew when it took Dan shaking her shoulder to wake her up. Usually kisses against her forehead would wake her but the last week or so it had been harder and harder to wake herself up and move more. The kisses were still there but not enough.

"Morning Baby, hey. Sleep well? I've been trying to wake you for a few minutes." Dan was smiling at her as she blinked blearily at him.

"Jetlag? Mornin'. Do we have five more minutes?"

"We're down to ten, but we've got time." He always woke her a little bit early before they actually had to get up. Usually it was fifteen minutes but she'd burned through that time already.

"Mmm, thank you."

It was quiet for a moment before Dan spoke again. "When's your next blood test for?"

She'd been getting them semi regularly since the first doctor's appointment when she came back, the realisation that her iron and calcium levels were low not helping her mental health. The supplements were helping, but the exhaustion remained.

"Before Christmas? I think?"

"Want me to make a doctor's appointment for after Mexico? I can call when they're open on Monday for you. You're sleeping a lot, I just wanna make sure your iron didn't drop or anything. You haven't really been eating much."

She'd been exhausted and barely eating. Part of it was just not being hungry, part of it was nothing was appetising. Even her usual foods that would always make her want to eat weren't it. Even the snack plates that she'd usually pick at weren't worth it.

"Yeah, ok. Just...don't tell Michael? I don't wanna hear about it from him. I don't want more supplement ideas and stuff."

"I won't even think about it."

She went to move to get up but didn't, too comfy there. "'m sorry 'm so tired. It's just been exhausting the last few weeks."

"We'll go home after Mexico and find out. Maybe you just need a med tweak. Or we can go see a doctor here. Go to a clinic, get an iron test to see if it's something to do with that?"

"Nah, we can wait till we're back. Extra naps will work?"

"You'll be all good, Love. I've got you."

Em didn't want to get out of the bed when she was warm, comfortable, and safe in bed with her husband. She didn't want to go to the paddock, and she definitely didn't want to sit in the orange decorated building while the rest of the team just waited for Dan to fail. Again.

But she didn't have a choice, so she got up and got dressed to go stand beside him. Her makeup hid the circles under her eyes, her hair was pulled back, and her outfit was perfect. She could do this. She could absolutely do this. Before they left the hotel room Dan gave her a hug and the sweetest kiss to make her smile.

They held hands for every second they could going through the paddock. All the way down to the car, on the drive in, and walking through the paddock. Dan held her hand proudly as they went in, getting her to go through the barrier first before following her in and taking her hand again.

Em didn't want to be at the track so early, especially when Dan wasn't even driving for FP1. Palou was in Dan's car for it as a rookie driver test, and while she had nothing against Alex she didn't want to watch him. She didn't care about motorsport. It had taken her years of trying to be interested but she didn't care. She cared about Dan driving and that was it. So instead she stayed in Dan's tiny room in hospitality, reading her kindle. The second the interviews and press conferences were done she switched the tv off and kept reading. Her friends were working and getting Dan ready for the rest of the day but she stayed there.

The nice part was that between chapters and looking at pinterest on her iPad for wedding ideas Dan would come upstairs for the briefest hug. He always came with tea and a smile, a quick kiss and a "miss you". He could go back knowing she was fine there.

"You need to go back to work, you're in the car in twenty minutes," Em told him as he dawdled going back downstairs once he was in his orange race suit.

"What if I don't wanna? I wanna stay here with you." She put her kindle away and stood up to take his hand, ready to go stand in the garage to watch him for the hour.

"I could kidnap you and we can go home? Nobody knows where our house is, we can hide there maybe?"

"Is it kidnapping if I'm your husband?"

"I mean not if you go willingly." Dan laughed and his loud honk made her smile. He was there with her and it was worth it.

"You gonna stay here or wanna come down to the garage with Blake?"

"Garage. You know I'm not gonna miss you in the car, no matter what."

"If you need anything just head out, ok? I'll find you after. Just tell Blake."

"I'll be fine, don't worry." She leaned up to kiss his cheek and watched as Dan smiled at her.

"I always worry. Same way you worry about me. It's what we do."

They were about to walk out when Em pulled him back for a moment, watching as Dan looked at her. "I know weekends at your room here used to be more fun and sexy and great. I...I'm sorry it's not like that anymore. Now it's just a mess and yeah. I wish it was like we used to be. I'm just boring now."

"Baby girl, we're married and in our thirties. We're supposed to be boring."

"I'm being serious."

"I know you are." She looked away but Dan's fingers cupped her chin, pulling her up to look at him. "Look at me Emmy. You are the smartest, funniest, most interesting person in the universe. You're my favourite person. You're my wife and I love you. I don't care if we just sit in silence doing nothing for a week. As long as I'm with you I'm happy and having fun. Nobody does it like us. right?"

"Right. And I love you too. Forever and always."

"And to the moon and to Saturn. Let's go and it's one more driving session to the end of the year."

She walked down holding his hand, kissing his helmet and telling him to go fast and be safe before taking her spot beside Blake. Her headphones went on and she stood there holding Blake's hand as they watched the time tick down.

The worst part of the sessions was having to hide her anxiety, the cameras flashing to her and her name appearing on TV. Emma Smyth, Daniel Ricciardo's partner. It still felt surreal that the world knew it. It was pure anxiety as she stood waiting, taking slow deep breaths as Blake squeezed her hand. It was one more hour until she could hide away again.

She hated seeing him in that car. She'd always trusted the cars he drove, always trusted the teams he had. But not anymore. And it was hard because she knew he didn't trust it either. She hated living with the feeling that he didn't trust the car to perform the same way lap after lap. The feeling kept growing in her chest until he was finally wheeled back in when practice ended. He sent her a wink as he got out of the car, Em's smile returning seeing him there safe. If he could have Dan would have given her a hug but he was immediately surrounded by engineers to give feedback to.

By the time Dan was free to leave the circuit it was nearly dark outside. The debriefing took time, and then he had to do partnership stuff that took longer than expected. For this time she decided to be brave and go into hospitality, sitting beside Blake. He kept her distracted by asking questions about things that he really didn't need to ask. For years they'd worked beside each other and it felt totally normal, and even now she wasn't working it felt normal and looked normal. She didn't know what she'd do without him.

Saturday was a day when she had to put her bravest face on because it was Blake's birthday. Despite another day of not wanting to leave the hotel room she got dressed and smiled, following Dan to their best friend's hotel room to give him a giant hug and the presents they'd gotten for him. Her big brother gave her a hug in return, a whispered thank you more than enough for her. She had to hold on for Blake's day. Had to.

She spent practice and qualifying in the garage, holding Blake's hand as usual when they watched Dan get into the car. It had been a happy week in one of their favourite cities, her rings hanging around her neck as she looked on. But instead she watched as the man she loved got out of the car frustrated after Q1, qualifying seventeenth. This stupid team and this stupid car and she had to keep herself together because she didn't want cameras on her.

Dan coming over to say sorry to Blake because he wanted to make his friend proud but didn't broke her heart. It was all Dan ever wanted to do, to make his wife, his friends, his family happy and proud of him. She knew he was aware of the sacrifices people had made to help him, and he was determined to make it worth it. But for nearly all of this two year stint at McLaren it hadn't worked. She'd watched him try. But yet again he was putting a brave face on and a fake smile about how he was going to make up places on Sunday.

She watched him blame himself yet again in front of the media and the world and Em wanted to whisk him away. She wanted to make it all better. He deserved more. She'd seen it with her own eyes, she'd been there when he'd won races. He'd never won them easily. All she wanted was to take him away from the stress and the constant criticism. But she couldn't.

As soon as they were finally alone - after Dan had done media and cooled down with Michael, finally entering his room where Em was waiting. Her arms went straight around him, holding tightly so he could know she was there.

"I'm sorry, Baby. I thought I could get into Q2 for Blake and for you. Make this weekend good for us." She looked up at Dan, trying to keep herself from falling apart.

"It's already a good weekend. You did everything you could, Baby. I don't blame you." Dan just held her tighter, doing everything to keep it together for a few more moments. But then he had to go back to the debrief while Em packed their stuff up. The hotel restaurant was booked for that evening for Blake's birthday. Just the four of them, a chill evening before some of Blake's friends from other teams went to a booking they had in a barbecue place after the race on Sunday. Part of her wished it was just the three of them, pushing that thought away from her head. She loved Michael. She did. He was just difficult to be around lately.

In a shocking turn of events Dan's debriefing didn't take as long as expected. But even with his performance there were fans there to ask for autographs and photos. Em soaked in the love everyone else had for him as he got to glow. Even with that delay they were in the hotel slightly earlier than expected and going straight to their room to get ready.

"We don't have time for a bath, right?" Dan asked, Em kissing his cheek.

"No Baby. We have to be downstairs in half an hour. You have time for a quick shower if you want one."

"Will you come with me? Please?"

It took nothing for Em to agree to go with him, walking into the bathroom and helping Dan to undress as she got her own clothes off. Dan set the shower up while Em stepped in, feeling his arms around her as he got under the showerhead too.

"Can we have a bath tomorrow when we go home?"

"That's the best plan I've heard all week."

Em wanted to spend more time than they had there, trying to get Dan to relax. But instead she carefully washed and conditioned his hair, giving them the love Dan didn't in a normal shower. He did the same for her hair, the apple scent of her shampoo filling the steamy room. Ten minutes wasn't nearly enough but they were out, Dan pushing a kiss to the 3 tattoo on her wrist before he let her go.

Five minutes later Em was nearly ready, just running the hairdryer over her so the wet strands didn't dampen her clothes. Once it was mostly dry she was happy, taking Dan's hand to go back downstairs.

Blake and Michael had arrived before the two of them, Em catching the tail end of their whispered conversation with "-my night out, don't do that." all she could hear. As soon as they realised they were there the two men stepped apart as Blake greeted them.

She knew it was serious when Michael didn't make comments about what Dan should order thanks to his race weekend diet. It was even weirder when he didn't say anything about what Em should eat, or how much, or how she should avoid certain foods. She may have been exhausted but she knew it was Blake. The tail end of their conversation was the only evidence she needed to know he'd said something about keeping suggestions quiet.

Em hated to admit it, but it was glorious. She got to watch Dan eat an actual meal that he enjoyed and she was even hungry for the first time in a while. Finishing the whole plate was a challenge but she ate slowly, sipping her drink and putting her fork down when it was finished. The fond look on Dan's face was everything.

The three others at the table looked at her surprised when Em nodded and took a dessert menu. Michael wasn't having one and she didn't want Blake to have his birthday dessert alone. It was easy to pick a strawberry and apple crumble and ask for a second spoon. She ate it carefully in layers, smiling as Dan took a couple of spoonfuls of fruit and left the icecream for her. She ignored the looks Michael gave them as they shared, the plain green tea sat in front of him telling her everything she needed to know.

It was an early night by birthday celebration standards but with the race the next morning they didn't have a choice. It was a hug for Blake and a promise that tomorrow night would involve drinks and dancing and fun. She'd get through it for him, he deserved it.

As soon as the door to their hotel room closed and the latch went on their clothes disappeared to go to bed. The way Dan's arm had been around her waist was all Em needed to know that her husband needed her extra close that night. It was a quick trip to the bathroom to wash their faces and get themselves ready as Em pushed kisses across his face before dragging him to bed.

She really didn't think anything would happen between them, just holding each other and goodnight kisses. Dan had to get sleep before the race, but then his lips moved down her jaw and to her neck, one hand on her ass pulling her in as his knee slipped between her thighs. It was like a flame was lit in her, she needed her husband. She needed to feel him as close as possible. She needed to hear him whisper her name like a prayer, hands holding her tightly and leaving the fingertip bruises that sang she was his and nobody else's to the world. It was electric and everything she could have asked for, groaning Dan's name out as he begged her to tell him everything he made her feel.

Dan helped her up and helped her clean before she went back to bed with him, wrapped up in his arms to sleep. For once on a race night she was able to actually get asleep at a reasonable time, the lub-dub of Dan's heartbeat steady under her ear.

Getting up on race morning was the worst feeling. Em wished she could have stayed in bed. Staying there with a bottle of wine - even if she wasn't meant to be drinking because of her medication - hot water for her favourite tea, some snacks, the latest crappy romance series she was reading on her kindle, and maybe ice cream as she curled up beside Dan in bed would have been the best day. Instead she had to go to a paddock filled with people who wanted photos and autographs from Dan.

If she had her choice she'd stay back in the hotel with her favourite people but she couldn't. She had to make herself look presentable because cameras didn't lie, and she didn't need another "concerned" instagram commenter asking about if she was ok because of a photo where she didn't look perfect. Dan didn't care if her hair was a mess or if she wasn't wearing makeup or if she was in casual clothes, but the world did. So she forced herself up and prettied herself and was ready to leave. It took a deep breath as she held Dan's hand and walked out of the bubble of their hotel room. They were going to their house that night. She could make it work.

The entire drive to the circuit was cuddling under Dan's arm. Holding his hand on the backseat wasn't enough for her. She needed Dan to hold her until they got there and had to let go, and he never ever complained about it.

It was another morning of faking smiles in front of everyone, cameras recording and fans taking photos and calling Dan's name. She'd put her earplugs in before they even reached the circuit to block some of the noise but it didn't fully help. She focused on Dan's warm hand in hers and took deep breaths to keep herself calm. Em ignored the cameras and photographers watching them, instead looking at her husband and at Blake to remind herself she wasn't alone. She focused on Dan's fingers squeezing her hand. He'd promised not to let her go and he wouldn't.

Once she settled down in his driver's room he kissed her goodbye to go to the different race morning duties he had, making sure she was ok. Dan promised to see her as soon as he could and Em sat there and breathed deeply, earplugs replaced with her Beats to match Dan's and music playing. A couple more hours and they were out of there. Dan just had to go around the track and then they were free to go home. Back to their actual house to get changed and celebrate Blake, and go back to sleep on that mattress she'd already fallen in love with.

Dan came back up to get changed, Em standing up to go back to the garage with him. He'd taken the time to come up and give them enough time to see each other and make her feel better before facing the cameras. Usually he was surrounded by Blake and Michael before getting ready but this time it was just the two of them in a moment alone.

When he pulled his shirt off he took the necklace he was wearing off too, handing his rings over to Em to keep safe. She watched him get into the nomex and saw just how slim he was getting. Let the year end. Just let it end. As he stood and stretched he held out his right hand, Em taking it with her left. Just like they had in Baku and Montreal already this year they were going to the garage together. He was walking through the paddock holding her hand and not caring what the world thought. Reason one million why Em loved him.

"Ready to go?" She thought she'd hidden how she was feeling but it was clear from Dan's reaction that she hadn't really.

"You know, right?" Em whispered in response to avoid his question with the one she knew the answer to. They'd tattooed it to keep it front of mind.

"I know, Baby Girl. I love you too." Dan nodded and raised their joined hands to kiss her ring finger. Like always her wedding and engagement ring were on her necklace hiding below her shirt, Dan's joining them for safe keeping for the race. He'd be allowed wear it but that meant publicity and neither of them wanted that.

"Good. Go fast, be safe, and come back to me. Please." She nearly got it out without the final word but Em couldn't help herself, looking up at Dan and trying not to cry. Please be safe. Please come home. She was panicking more and more about what he did.

"I always will."

It was one final kiss and a long hug before they left the room. Blake was standing outside the door waiting for them, clearing a path through the crowd to get them into the garage and away from prying eyes and just where the tv cameras could catch her but nobody else. It was clear he didn't want to leave where she stood, but one nod from their best friend and Dan kissed her on the forehead and went to get into the car.

Em wished he never did.

Qualifying was bad, but finishing second to last was even worse. He'd been overtaken by nearly everyone he qualified ahead of, and he was forever behind a Haas. As much as she adored Mick Dan shouldn't have been down there with him. As soon as he was weighed he came straight to her, the two of them finding a corner to just be for a few moments before the real world had to intrude again. She knew Blake and Michael were making excuses but she didn't care, arms around Dan and holding him tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Emmy. I'm sorry I fucked up and disappointed you." The heartbreak in his voice was too easy to hear and she was so angry that he thought she could be disappointed in him.

"Hey, no. No, Danny. You can never disappoint me. Not ever. Not about a result in a race. I love you. I love my husband. I love my Danny. Fuck this entire circus, I care about you. Not cars on a track."

"I love you too. So fuckin' much. You don't know how much I do."

"I've a slight idea. You're gonna be ok. We're gonna be fine. Three to go."

"Three left. Yeah." He was quiet for a moment and she could feel him taking a deep breath in. "I don't wanna go to media."

"I'll pay the fine if you want. I offered to in Monaco. Whatever makes you happy." She nearly thought he'd take it, but instead she watched as he stood up and pressed his thumb against where he knew their rings hung on her necklace as if for good luck.

"I'll see you after? We can go and pick up our bags from the hotel before we go to dinner with everyone."

"Sounds like a plan, I'll pack up." She went to separate but took her necklace off, unthreading her thin gold wedding ring from the chain before putting it back on. Dan watched as she held it up before handing it over. "For your pinkie. I'm right there with you while you're doing it."

It took everything in her to let Dan leave and go in front of the media. She knew some of the reporters, knew the ones who'd be good to him and wouldn't ask awkward questions that left him with no hope for a good answer. They could leave soon and that was what mattered.

Her brain kept boiling over with revenge plots that she knew in her heart and soul she couldn't let happen. She couldn't destroy McLaren, as much as she wished she could. It would hurt more than help. So instead she focused on putting everything into backpacks. Usually it was done neatly, clothes folded and cables coiled up. This time she just put it all in as fast as she could. She wanted to be out of the room the moment Dan arrived up to say they were free. The TV in the corner was playing an interview with him, and the moment "I don't know how I'm continuing to continue on" came out of his mouth she was so angry. She needed to be out of the circuit.

Everything was nearly done when she heard it. The remote was in her right hand to switch the TV off when Zak Brown's face appeared on it talking about Dan's performance and how he wasn't performing. She knew but seeing him talk about personal problems made her want to scream.

Em remembered Dan's description of his anger that day in Baku when the photo of them was made public. The way everything took over because the woman he loved was hurt and he couldn't change it. He had to control himself because Em needed him. And that evening in Austin she felt the exact same way, but this time there was nobody else to stop her. Without a second thought her fist made contact with the metal door hiding her from the world, a sickening crunch heard as she made contact.

“Fuck. Fuck!” Em clutched her hand to her chest as she stared at the dent in the metal door of the drivers room. She hadn’t meant to do that. It was supposed to be a little hit just to get her frustration out. Instead she couldn’t bend her fingers and she wanted to cry.

The fucking race and Zak Brown opening his fucking mouth because he couldn’t stand that the attention wasn’t on McLaren for one damn weekend. But no he had to say the cost cap penalty wasn’t enough and talk shit about Dan and if it was his face or the door at least his face wouldn’t have hurt so much.

“Ems? You ok?” She looked up to see Blake walk into the room as concern spread across his face. “TimTam what happened?”

“Punched the door.” He moved her hand and she groaned while a tear fell. “Fuck that hurts.”

“I want Michael to look, I think you might have broken it.”

“I’ll be fine till we get to Mexico. I just need to get out of here. Please Blakey.”

She nearly got through to him and convinced him to stay quiet until the door opened and Dan and Michael arrived in.

“Emmy?”

“She punched the door, her hand’s swelling up and it’s already starting to bruise. I think she might—“

“Don’t say it. Just don’t.” She was hanging on by a thread. Someone actually saying it was broken would make her lose every moment of composure she had left.

“Let me take a look.” Dan held her waist as Michael got her to twist her wrist. Flexing her fingers was completely out of the question and even in the ten minutes since it happened it was clear that her hand was swelling quickly.

“Looks like a boxers fracture Wriggle, but you need an X-ray. It might be the finger beside it too. Hospital.”

“I can’t go to the hospital. If I get spotted? If someone realises I’m there? It’s more bad fucking publicity. I’ll be fine.” She rambled for another minute before Dan stopped her with a kiss.

“Give us a sec?” Blake and Michael left the room to let them be alone and Em looked up at Dan. “You need to go, Baby. You need to. I don’t want my wife getting any more injured. I’ll go with you and we’ll be in and out and it’ll be fine. But please. I need to make sure you’re ok.”

“Fine.”

She didn't know how they managed to get out of the circuit without attracting more attention but she would forever be happy about it. Blake found a hotel near their house and pulled up, Dan walking in with her wearing a Ric3 hat to try avoid attention. He had to fill in the paperwork because she couldn't balance the clipboard with her injured hand. Em grinned watching Dan put her married name on the sheet and marking himself as her husband. The hospital needed to know it.

The triage was miserable and she was called back with Dan, leaving Michael and Blake behind. They did the same tests before and then asked Dan to leave the room for a few moments to go out to the waiting area. Her anxiety was ratcheting up as he left after the confirmation that she'd broken a bone in her hand, the medical staff asking her exactly how it had happened and if she was protecting herself. She didn't understand why they were asking until it was too late and Em was left alone in a room with a doctor and nurse.

"You can tell us what's going on. We can protect you." Her exhausted and anxious brain didn't make the connection.

"Protect me from what? A door I won't see again because this was Dan's last race there for...possibly forever? I'm not going to punch it again. I just want to get fixed up and go home."

"Is home safe for you, Mrs Ricciardo?"

They didn't ask that. They didn't. They couldn't. Home was the only safe place she had left in the world. Whether it was the farm, the apartment in London or one of the ridiculous places they called home it was safe for her. Anywhere that wasn't another Hilton hotel room was safe. Lying down with her husband and feeling him hold her was the best thing she had going for her. That was what she needed, to curl up with Dan on their mattress and have him hold her and tell her it was going to be ok.

"Home is my safe place. I've got my home and my husband and my family. Why are you asking this? Where's my husband? Why did you make him leave?"

"We think it might be better for you to-" The soft voice of the nurse made her angry. They were trying to convince her that something was wrong and as little as Em believed in her brain right then she knew Dan was right. He was the glue holding her together.

"You don't know me. You don't know what's best for me. You have no idea. I want my husband. Please. I just want my Danny. why isn't he here?"

"Ma'am, we're just trying to protect you." Em shuffled back on the bed, away from the nurse who had medication in her hand.

"Are you not listening to me? There's nobody to protect me from! I told you already, I punched a door in COTA. My husband didn't do anything, I'm the one who made a stupid mistake. Go ask anyone out there or my therapist or my psychiatrist, my husband isn't a violent man. Danny wouldn't hurt a fly. Why aren't you listening to me? Isn't that supposed to be your job to listen?" The yelling in her head was getting even worse, she didn't want to be there. She wanted Danny and could feel the tears pricking against her eyelids as she shut her eyes. She just wanted Danny.

"Mrs Ricciardo, please. Let-"

"Don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me. I want my hand fixed, and if you think you're touching me you're only doing it in front of my husband or brother. I'm not doing it without them here."

She felt ridiculous. She was like a child throwing a tantrum but her head was screaming. She felt like her skin was on fire, the questions and insinuations about Dan making it even harder to think. Her broken hand was held against her chest as she brought her knees up, good arm wrapping around her legs.

The medical staff moved away from her and Em focused her breathing. She could do it. She'd be ok. If they didn't let her go she could run the second the door was open. She couldn't stay. The boys were outside and she knew they wouldn't leave her alone. They were just sitting outside and she could go out to them once the doctor was gone. All Em could do was try to hold herself together until she could go back outside.

-

When Dan came back out Blake could tell something was seriously wrong. His best mate was shaking his head, worry and fear spread across his features.

"DR?"

"They think I'm hurting her. They think I'm hurting Emmy. My Emmy? I...they think I broke her hand. The doctor all but wrestled me out of the room. She was crying and they made me leave. They might want to keep her in. I heard someone mention a psych consult for her room. B I can't. She can't." The guilt rushed through Blake's veins at the mention. They knew how fragile Em was. It was obvious that she'd barely made it through the weekend, they all knew that she was barely keeping herself together. But he thought Dan needed him more and left her alone and this had happened.

"It's gonna be ok. She's not staying here. It's not happening." He didn't know where the conviction came from but it did. "They came over and said they needed her insurance information. I have some stuff but you need all of it. Plus pay whatever they need before she comes out and you have to tell her whatever the treatment costs. I'll be here for when she comes back."

"Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Both of you, I dunno what we'd do. She has to get out."

"She will. Go." He watched Dan be directed to a back office before sitting down and thinking who he could call. Who had the pull here? He wasn't sure.

"Maybe it's better she stays here. Em needs help. Travelling isn't helping. She can get better and Dan can focus on racing and after the season's over she can come back." Blake didn't believe what he'd heard.

"Take that back."

"We both know she's struggling. And you won't let me help her physically at least. Maybe this is a good thing." Michael sounded so sure and that felt like a kick in the teeth.

"We're in Texas. Austin's the good part of it but this state is dangerous for women. Add to that do you really think he'd focus? After how he was when she left. And the one person who calms her down is Dan. Why do you think I keep changing his schedule to give them five minutes?"

"But if she needs-"

"No. Just fucking no. You're fired." Dan had been considering it but after this? Once the season was up he was done. So done.

"Huh?"

"We'll talk about it later. But go back to the hotel. I don't know where we're staying tonight but just go. I don't want you anywhere near her. Not a fucking chance. Get out and stay away." Michael stood to leave as Dan came back, confused.

"What happened?"

"He's going back to the hotel. Remember we were talking about him leaving at the end of the year? I told him."

"But..." Blake didn't want to do it. Didn't want to shove another thing on his best mate's plate. He couldn't.

"He thinks Em might be better staying. He's worried about her too. I told him to go back to the hotel, it's stressful."

"If it was London or Perth I might say yes. She's been sleepy, she's been miserable. Getting out of bed is impossible. But not here, I can't leave her in the States. We just need to get to Abu Dhabi. We can get her there?" He was nearly begging and Blake nodded. Whatever it took he was getting them through the next four weeks. However he could.

"Mr Ricciardo?" An unfamiliar nurse came over and Blake stood at the same time Dan did. "Your wife needs painkillers and a cast. They want to get a psychiatrist down for her but there's nobody on call tonight. I'm assuming from what she said she has one?"

"Yeah. And a therapist. It's been helping but this year has been bad." Understatement of the fucking year as far as Blake was concerned.

"I'm a fan, I know what's happening. I've got an ortho to wrap her hand and get you both out but she won't let anyone in unless it's you or her brother? I don't want them seeing you there, is her brother here?"

"That's me." He watched her take in the clear differences between him and Em, the accents being the most prominent.

"Parent trapped or something? As long as she says you are that's what matters. Come back and we can get her out in ten."

"Deal." He followed her straight back, terrified to see how Em was when he got to the room.

-

Em was ready to fight anyone when she saw the door open, a new nurse walking in with an IV kit in her hand. But Blake was standing right behind her and Em thought she could breathe again.

"B?"

"Hey Timmy." He came straight over and took her right hand, squeezing once and it was like the crushing weight on her chest lifted slightly.

"Where's...I don't know where Dan is? A doctor took him out to ask him questions and they think he hurt me and they don't believe me? I told them. I told them what I did but they didn't believe me."

"It's ok Emmy, calm down. I'm right here, I told them it was you who hit the door. It's fine. Dan's fine, he's out there filling in forms and billing stuff so he asked me to come back to stay with you. You know what American hospitals are like." She started to calm until the bill hit her. This was going to be insane and he shouldn't have to pay it.

"No, no it's gonna be so exp-"

"You think that health insurance we have doesn't cover America? He just has to give details. As soon as you came on full time he added you to the health insurance. It's all good."

"Thanks Blakey."

"Any time, Timtam. But you need to let the nurse do it, ok? It's just a painkiller so they can set your cast. There's a new doctor who isn't a dick outside. But they can't do it unless you've got fluids and a painkiller cause it'll hurt."

"I dunno what I can take with my medication. I don't want to feel fuzzy." Tears of frustration were there about to fall. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to go back to when she didn't need to talk because Dan knew what she meant. It was too much.

"Do you trust me?"

"You know I do." It was the honest truth. She trusted him more than she trusted anyone, even herself.

"Then let her give you this so you can get fixed up and we can go home. It's all good."

The only reason she agreed was because Blake asked her. He was safe. He was always safe. He was the reason she came back in the end, the reason she agreed to go to Monaco and see Dan again. He wouldn't let anyone hurt her, and she knew that. So she took a deep breath and squeezed his good hand as the needle went into her elbow, the nurse showing her the bag of saline and the bottle of IV paracetamol before it was hooked up.

Blake held her while they went through everything, a thick white cast wrapped around her hand feeling heavy as she sat there. He kept telling her how brave she was and how good she was doing while Em just sat looked at the floor. Once she was ready to leave he helped her up and put his hoodie around her, the nurse smiling and wishing her well.

If Blake didn't have an arm around her shoulders she would have fallen when she saw Dan outside. His eyes were red, face in a frown and he just looked defeated. He hadn't looked like that since they'd gotten the call that his contract was being ended. Her husband sat in an empty corner of the hospital waiting room with a cap on trying to be unnoticed, totally lost in his thoughts. It wasn't until Blake called him that he realised they were there, standing up and arms immediately going around her. Em felt like she could finally, finally breathe again.

"Can we go home? Please?" She whispered against his chest. The terror that someone would hear and not let her leave was all encompassing.

"Let's get out of here. I finished all the paperwork, they said you were just finishing up. We're all good, let's go home."

"Can we stop for pizza? I want cheese pizza and they said I need to eat." Dan had his arm around her directing her out, agreeing that they'd stop. "Wait. Where's Michael?"

"He went back to the hotel to pack, it's all good. Let's head." Blake led the way to the car so they could finally leave. Em slid into the back seat, Dan across from her and holding her hand.

She didn't remember much of the drive back to the house. She knew they stopped for pizza, Blake getting back in the car with boxes. There was a conversation about what the official story would be, how they'd tell people she'd broken her hand. Honestly she didn't care. She didn't want to give a shit about telling people what she was doing or how she'd been hurt but she didn't have a choice in that anymore. The world got to know everything about her.

When they made it inside Dan brought her to their room, helping her get her jeans and bra off and instead putting on cosy pjs. Blake had seen her in worse, this didn't matter to her. Instead he brought her back to the kitchen where Blake had shared their food out.

She made herself eat two slices and it was enough, after that Em curled into Dan and held onto him so tightly she thought she'd burst. The painkillers had dulled her hand to a throb and she just wanted to sleep. There was talk of moving a flight and sorting stuff and she didn't care. She just wanted to sleep.

But there was a voice in the back of her head getting louder and louder. Dan wiped her face down with micellar water and helped her into bed, pulling her close once he'd stripped down. Her ring was still on his pinkie and it made her smile.

But she'd tied him down to a crazy wife who couldn't keep her shit together. She'd given him the option in Montreal. Chloe had told her about a walk up Mont Royale where you could see the city laid out beneath you. She'd said it to Dan then, that he could leave. She wouldn't blame him for leaving then. He could go and be happy and find someone who deserved him.

He didn't sign up for a girlfriend with mental health problems. Who was having a breakdown and ruining their lives. Who had days where speaking was too much for her, the words wouldn't come.

It had happened since she was a kid. Maybe not exactly like this but she'd always had to find coping mechanisms and now it didn't work. It wasn't her fault as a kid when her parents wouldn't help her and when she was in uni and couldn't afford anything apart from the six sessions from her uni gave her of therapy. But it definitely wasn't Dan's responsibility.

He deserved to be happy, he deserved to be with someone who loved him and wanted him to take a reserve role or the job with Haas. He deserved a happy wife and life and a family that she didn't know if she could give him. She didn't know if her anxiety would ruin them. It was so much.

So she was going to tell him he could leave. He deserved the world and maybe she wasn't the one to give it to him. She couldn't pull him out of drowning and she'd pull him down with her. She was going to ruin him and his reputation and his life, and she couldn't do that to him. She couldn't hurt him the way her mental health had hurt her. Anyone in their right mind would have walked away from her by then, but with the stress no wonder Dan didn't. Everyone else had left. Her parents, her extended family, her friends, her boyfriend. But Dan had been emotional and she'd proposed to him and it was so wrong. She'd basically forced him into it. It was a stupid, stupid decision and she'd ruined his life by doing it. So she was letting him go for his own good. He'd be happy to.

"Baby? Emmy you're crying. Do you need more painkillers? What's going on?" She hadn't realised she was crying. She didn't even mean to. Em took a deep breath before saying the words that were going to ruin her.

"I won't blame you. Y'know. If you want to leave. We've only been married for nine weeks, you can leave. No fault divorce, we leave with what we came in with. I don't want anything. You deserve better than a broken wife who can't keep herself together. I don't want to hold you back. I don't want anything. I can go."

The room was silent and Em could feel her heart break the longer the silence went on. It was over. Married for nine weeks to the love of her life and she had just ended it. In the same room he'd proposed to her so they could get married properly less than a week ago. How had she said yes then? She went to move out of the bed but Dan's iron grip kept hold of her.

"Don't ever say that. Never. Never ever. You are the only woman I want in my life. You're not broken, Emmy. You are here and whole and alive and beside me. I can't lose you. Please don't ask me that. Please don't ask me to leave you because I can't. I'd walk away from all of this before I lose you. You're my wife, Emmy. I promised I love you. I'm not leaving."

"You're not leaving?"

"No. I'm not going anywhere. Never. The day I got to put that ring on your finger was the best day of my life. I love you. The same way you love all of me for some reason. We're gonna fly to Mexico in a few days and we're gonna make you feel better. It's gonna take time, but we're going to be here. It's going to work. I promise. Come and sleep, Love. I'm not going anywhere."

Em curled into him, pushing a kiss against his chest. Sleep didn't come easily to her, but the noise of Dan's heartbeat and the warmth of him against her let her finally sleep.

@dr3lover @sabrinaselina55 @majx00 @tall-tanned-tattoo @lovingdennishauger @lauehr @msolbesg @f1medlife @idkwtfimdoing2 @leclercsbae @hiphopdancer101universe @mehrmonga @lewispool @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @coldheartedmar @sugarbabygirlofdaddy @nonsensical-nonce @a-distantdreamer @tita010 @leslizzle @javden @mloyer @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @magical-imagination-kgp @danarysstormborn @kakorrhaphiphobia @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @elizanav @neiich @luckyladycreator2 @scotlynaurora @belledawnidk

[dreamingofep]

Behind the Curtain: A Sinned Awakening Story🩸

An AU Elvis fic

(Vampire!Elvis/ Vampire Austin! Elvis x reader)

Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)

Prompt: Getting promoted to be Elvis full time housekeeper, you realize the man holds secrets beyond belief and your undeniable attraction makes you tear the unknown. [Fem!Reader]

TW: Cussing, mentions of blood, SMUT,

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: Hello again! I have found some inspiration regarding Vampire!Elvis 🫣 I've had this idea for a while and thought to make it a stand alone one shot but why not make it part of the Sinned Awakening universe? I think it works well considering what goes on in this part😉 Elvis is on his worst behavior in this one... you've been warned hehe.

If you'd like to start from the beginning, start here or Ao3! hope you enjoy and message and comment what you think.

Las Vegas, February, 1974

You could hardly believe that it was a year, almost to the date, when you first met Elvis here in Las Vegas. It felt like another lifetime since you first saw each other and fought that undeniable attraction. Through struggle and heartache, you both could not deny the connection you had. Now you were a vampire too, madly in love with Elvis Presley. More in love than you thought was ever possible. He constantly reminds you of that fact too. How he cannot believe you are his and drowns you in his love. 

He was about to open his winter residency at The Hilton tonight. He was as usual, very nervous and couldn’t contain it. You tried to stay backstage to calm him down. He said you made him feel more relaxed when you were right next to him. But the other issue on hand tonight was that he hadn’t been feeding. He took rehearsing so seriously for these shows and put all his time and energy into practicing these last few weeks to make this the best show anyone has seen. You tried to gently remind him to take the time to feed but he always dismissed it. He would assure you he was fine and would feed later but of course, he wouldn’t. You can sense how hungry he was just standing next to him. He was trying to focus on getting mentally ready for the show but the overwhelming scent of blood from every human in the audience was driving him insane. 

It was almost time for the curtain to go up and you had to get to your seat. Jerry was waiting to escort you to the ballroom and take his seat with you. Elvis didn’t trust anyone anymore and was forever paranoid that someone would try to take you again. Even with you being a vampire and stronger than ever, he didn’t want to take a chance. So any show you went to, Jerry always accompanied you. He was always such great company and never complained he had to escort you anywhere. 

You tell Jerry you’ll be right there and quickly pull Elvis to the side. 

“Baby, are you okay?” You ask low, squeezing his hand. He looks at you nervously, his eyes darker than you’ve seen in a long time. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just nervous that’s all,” he says flatly. 

“I know. But you still haven’t fed have you?” You say bluntly. 

He looks down and shakes his head no. You reach for his face to look back at you. 

“It’s okay. You’re going to have an amazing show tonight. Just focus on me. If you can’t control your thirst up there, focus on me. That’s what I’ve always done and it always helps,” you try to assure him. He nods his head and smiles at you sweetly. 

“Then after the show you better feed,” you scold him. 

“I will. Thank you, baby,” he says leaning down for a kiss. 

You go walk with Jerry and take your seats in the center booth, your usual spot. The house was packed and was buzzing with excitement. There was a lot of anticipation for this engagement. The public was noticing a very different Elvis. He wasn’t the usual recluse who would avoid people at all costs. He wasn’t locked up in the penthouse for hours on end anymore. Elvis liked to be out and primarily show you off around town. It was a nice change. You were glad you could bring the more adventurous side out of him. 

The band starts to play the opening riff and the crowd bursts in applause. Everyone is on their feet including yourself, waiting eagerly to see him come from the wings of the stage. You hear his heart racing away and he takes a deep breath before stepping onto the stage. The audience somehow gets even louder when they see him emerge with his white fringe jumpsuit and green macrame belt. It even has your jaw on the floor. Something about seeing him on stage with the dozens of lights on him somehow makes him look more attractive. Hell, you had seen him naked but something about him on stage in a jumpsuit had you incredibly weak.

He picks up his guitar and puts the strap on around his shoulders. He grabs the microphone and pulls it toward him, spreading his legs slightly as he stands there. His voice booms through the speakers and sends chills through you. He was so electric without even trying. His leg won’t stop shaking and it only draws your attention more to those impossibly long legs. 

It was an hour of nonstop hits and some new songs he’d never performed live. He was just sensational. It never failed to amaze you to see him on stage and do what he does best. The crowd was rowdy and loved everything he did. How he would tease the audience, walking slowly to the edge of the stage to the screaming fans and quickly walking in another direction, leaving them begging for him. Or how he would move his hips in the most subtle of ways and leave everyone drooling for more, including yourself. You didn’t care how many times you saw him, there was no denying how that man would make you feel when he moved. You could feel the blood rush to your core if you thought about that for too long. You try to pull yourself together and not make it noticeable to Jerry that you are feeling a certain way about Elvis’ performance. 

Can’t Help Falling in Love starts playing and Jerry motions for you to follow him backstage. The gold curtain dropped and the crowd was going wild for Elvis. He kneels on the floor with one leg stretched out, along with his arms and his head bowed. It was quite the thing to see. The most simple act of showing his appreciation to his fans. He gets up off the floor and everyone from the band congratulates him on a great show. You wait patiently to greet him. He deserved to be acknowledged by everyone. After some time, through the sea of people, you see him there. His hair was wet and his jumpsuit clung to his body. Your eyes meet through the crowd and your heart hammers uncontrollably. His eyes lure you in and make you feel like a puddle. Oh God, you know what the look means…

He walks through some of the crew and goes straight for you. He picks you up and holds you tight. 

“Come here mama,” he whispers seductively in your ear. 

Goddamn it, he just can’t help himself, can he? He wants you to lose all control right here right now. 

“You were incredible honey! I couldn’t believe what you did up there,” you say as you hug him tightly. He sighs contently when he feels you pressed against him. 

You feel his hands tangle in your hair and pull you in by the nape of your neck. He kisses you fervently, igniting a blazing heat inside of you. You cling to his wet body, needing to be as close as possible to him. He starts to walk backward, his lips never leaving yours. He pushes back through the black curtain that separates the band from the storage area of the backstage. 

You quickly look around and see lots of sound equipment and storage containers for the band’s instruments. You glance back at Elvis and see that devious, dark, hungry look in his eyes. It makes you quiver. With a motion of his finger, he lures you in and beckons you to get closer to him standing in the corner. You willingly walk over to him feeling like putty already. His hair was an absolute mess and his chest glistened with sweat. He looked like he had just been fucked but you hadn’t laid a hand on him. Yet. 

He was impatient and pulled you in quickly, pressing you to his body again. You softly groan with the way he’s touching you, urgently and unrelenting. He starts to kiss your lips again, groaning when he does this. His whole presence has you drowning. He was so on edge and adrenaline still pumped through him after completing such a stellar show. 

You feel the hard concrete wall press against your back and Elvis’ hands squeeze any part of you he could touch first. He puts his hands on your hips and covers your face with kisses. Those lips will always leave you feeling breathless. 

He leans into your ear, “I’m starvin’,” he groans. Your heart hammers away by just that notion. 

You pull your hair to the side and expose your neck to him. “Go ahead baby, it’s okay,” you encourage him. You hear him take a deep breath in and suddenly feel him lick the side of your neck. You groan at the sensation and pull at his jumpsuit’s collar.

“I’m starved for all of you,” he groans as his hands go lower and brings your leg up to wrap around his hip. You feel his cock begin to get hard, pushing into your body and making you weak by the thought of having him.

He starts to ravage your neck with kisses, nipping and sucking at the spot where he wants to bite. You can’t help but get turned on by all of this, the way he was desperate for you was more than you could ever ask for. You feel his hands scrunch up your dress around your hips and his fingers find your aching bud. You gasp at the sensation and hold onto him tighter. 

“Elvis, oh God,” you moan. He doesn’t lift his head from your neck yet, he is still fully wrapped up in your scent while his hands find new ways to make you a weak mess. You then feel his fangs enter your neck and you have to sniffle the moan he made you produce. He makes satisfied grunts as he starts to drink your blood, holding onto you tighter and teasing you more with those fingers. He was enjoying every second of this. He lifts his head up and you watch as he licks the dripping blood that falls down his bottom lip. His eyes looked much brighter and he had more life in his face. But he still looked dangerous. He was looking at you like he wasn’t quite done. He wasn’t completely satisfied. 

You hold your breath as he looks at you like this. You’re unsure what to do or say right now. He takes a step back from you and eyes you up and down. You watch as his fingers start to unlace the jumpsuit. Your heart nearly stops when you realize what he’s about to do.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You whisper in a gruff fashion.

He doesn’t answer you, he just keeps looking at you like he did when you were human. You didn’t know it then, but he was on the verge of draining you when he looked at you like that. Lord, those heated looks should have killed you right then and there and they just might tonight. The laces were untied and he started to unzip the rest of the suit.

“What does it look like I’m doing baby?” He says low with a smirk on his face.

“Elvis right here? No, we can’t. Someone can walk by and catch us,” you panic, still hearing the hum of the crowd and chatter of the band members beyond the curtain.

He starts to shrug his arms out of the suit and looks down at how his cock is fully hard now, begging to be let out. God, you were a dead woman. You take one look at him and you’re ready to sink to your knees for him. He pulls down his jumpsuit a bit and you watch as his hand reaches in it to pull his cock out. 

“Elvis, please,” you whimper. You’re not sure what you’re asking him at this point but you can’t handle any of this.

“You’re gonna be a good, quiet little girl for me okay? That’s how we’re not gettin’ caught,” he says seductively. You can’t tear your eyes off of him, his whole presence right now is dominating and you love it too much to stop it. He takes your hand and has you wrap it around his length. Without even thinking much of it, you start to jerk his cock, watching the pleasure wash over his face. It was addicting to see him so turned on. It didn’t matter how many times you were with him intimately, you couldn’t contain the pure shock that went through you as you touched him and felt the size of him. The heat that came off of him was overwhelming and he was throbbing in your hand. 

“Fucking hell baby,” you gasp. 

“You’re gonna let Daddy fuck you right here,” he growls in your ear. You freeze, you had never done something like this and you knew you were not prepared for any of it.

“Take your panties off for me,” he commands. His voice made your core throb and you looked down at his length. Precum started to come out of him and you couldn’t think any rational thoughts. You pull his foreskin back and spread the sticky fluid all over his tip with your thumb. He grunts and pulls away from you quickly. 

He grabs your face in his hand to get you to look at his intimidating eyes and sharp fangs peeking out from his upper lip.

“I won’t ask again. Or do I have to rip them off with my teeth?” He growls. You whimper in agony, not ready for this man. 

Your silence speaks volumes and he lets out a frustrated grunt. He lifts up your dress and he starts to sink to his knees. He nips at your thighs with his fangs and draws blood. He licks at the wounds greedily and inches closer and closer to your core, leaving little marks of his fangs all over your legs. You open your legs a bit wider, hoping his tongue might pay a visit to your aching bud. But he wasn’t going to give you what you wanted, he was only going to do what pleased him.

You watch helplessly as he bites at the elastic of your panties and tears them off of you in one motion. He lets them fall at your feet and you tremble uncontrollably. He looks back at you with a hungry stare, not liking that you didn’t listen to him. 

“Always so difficult hmm? A good girl listens to me when I tell her to do something,” he hisses. You nod your head at him but it’s too late, you didn’t listen and you’re sure he’ll make you pay for it. He lifts you up and has you wrap your legs around his hips as you’re pinned to the wall. The grip he has on your thighs is tight and you can feel how bad he’s dying to fuck you. You feel the tip of him hover at your entrance and your eyes are blown wide, silently begging him for forgiveness. 

“Baby please, I-I-I’ll listen. I’ll be good.” You try to beg but he doesn’t listen.  

He swiftly enters you and you yelp at the forcefulness of his hips. You gasp for breath as he stuffs you with his cock. He quickly covers your mouth with his hand and continues to move inside of you. 

“Good girl,” he grunts, “Take Daddy’s cock like only you can,” he says with a devious smirk. Your eyes roll back in your head at his tone. 

He fills you hard and fast, giving you no time to adjust around his substantial girth. He revels how your sopping wet cunt hugs his length tightly with every thrust. You cling onto his shoulders and hold onto him for dear life. The only thing you can hear is the sound of you two breathing, trying to keep it together, and the sound of his cock plunging into your wet pussy. It was all torture. You wanted to move too but the grip he had on you was too tight for you to do anything. He takes his hand off of your mouth to watch your face drown in pleasure. He looks damn good like this. His hair was such a mess and was so concentrated on you. 

You’re stuffed to the hilt and his hips move in short, powerful thrusts, hitting that spot inside you that can make you come on his command. You can’t stay quiet. He was killing you and he knew it. His hips were unrelenting and driving into you like he had never had you before. You tilt his head to the side and sink your teeth into his neck, muffling the scream he’s made you produce. He groans softly at your actions, finding it all amusing that he’s made you such a mess. 

“Doing so good baby girl. You like how deep my cock is?” He groans in your ear. You dig your nails into his back, unable to handle what just uttered from his lips. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he chuckles. 

Each movement of his hips made you hold back loud moans you couldn’t help but make. You were biting down hard enough on his neck to draw blood and let the delicious taste of him coat your tongue. You slowly drink his blood and feel your orgasm looming. 

You take your fangs out of him and press your head to the wall, writhing in agony. You watch Elvis’ face smugly look at you and enjoy every second of this. You were so close to finishing, you felt your body become weaker and weaker with every thrust of his hips. Your ears suddenly pick up the sound of footsteps walking in your direction backstage. Your whole body freezes, petrified of someone walking by. 

“EP, you back here?” A man’s voice calls out. 

You look at Elvis terrified, you want to run away as fast as you can. He doesn’t let you budge though. He shakes his head at you and continues to hold you tight. 

“I could have sworn I saw him go back here,” another man said. You recognize it’s Jerry. Damn it, no. You claw at Elvis’ arms, begging him to stop. He moves slowly but it is still so agonizing and a small whimper escapes your lips. His eyes flash a warning at you and proceeds to put two fingers to your lips. 

“Shhh…Open those pretty lips baby,” he whispered. You helplessly do as he asks and he pushes his fingers into your mouth. 

“Suck baby and be quiet,” he says, his voice low and gruff. You eagerly do so and swirl your tongue around his long fingers. His face looks intoxicated from what he is seeing you do. You slowly suck on them, liking to see his reaction to this act. His eyes don’t leave you for even a second.

“Fuck, just like that honey,” he praises. His hips drive into you harder and your eyes roll back, feeling yourself about to come undone. He was unrelenting and on a pursuit to make you come regardless if people were walking around backstage.

He pushes his fingers further into your mouth and stuffs you to the brink with his cock. You come hard and your walls squeeze around the base of his cock. You see fireworks behind your closed eyelids and your whole body shudders. He can’t hide how good you feel around him and his jaw drops when he feels you come. He can’t hold on much longer either and burrows his face in your neck, hiding his own muffled groans. 

“Goddamn baby,” he growls. He thrusts his hips into you once, then twice and you feel his length twitch inside you. He pours his warm, thick load inside of you and groans into the crook of your neck. You gasp for air and your walls squeeze around him again, loving to hear how good he feels. He moves in and out of you slowly, making you both writhe because of how sensitive you are. 

He lifts his head up to see your spent expression on your face. He takes his fingers out of your mouth and goes to kiss you. It was passionate and sloppy and you loved it. You moan into his mouth and pull at his wet hair. You look into his beautiful eyes and see how he can’t get enough of you. He gently takes his cock out of you and sets you back on the ground. Your legs feel weak and cling to his body as you try to regain your normal breathing. 

He kisses the top of your head and makes a soft chuckle.

“You alright lil’ darlin’?” He asks coyly.

You look up at him with a mischievous glimmer in your eye. “Yes Daddy,” you say defiantly. Your hand wraps around his length and you slowly rub his head. You knew he’d be too sensitive to handle this and smirk to yourself. His hips buck into your hand and his face is shrouded in agony.

“Woman I swear to God-,” he growls. You stop briefly and hum softly.

“What baby? I'm being good, I swear,” you tease.

You pull down your dress and start to walk away from him with a smug smile on your face. You knew you got under his skin and you were amused by it all. You don’t make it very far backstage before you feel Elvis pick you up and throw you over his shoulder.

“Elvis!” You yelp. He chuckles low and makes quick strides to exit the backstage and into the elevator. He swiftly sets you down and presses the button for the penthouse. He smirks at you and takes your face in his hands as the elevator lurches up.

“It’s going to be a long night mama,” he murmurs, placing a kiss on your lips.

*

*

*

Tagging:

@neptuneismysister @velvetelvis @ccab @presleyenterprise @theresalwaysep

@prompted-wordsmith @sillybookmarks @dkayfixates @ellie-24 @rktismylife-blog

@myradiaz @tacozebra051

@thatbanditqueen

@flwrs4aust @emma181873

@austinswhitewolf @eliseinmemphis

@everythingelvispresley @chasingwildflowers @idontwanttoputanything. @ohjustpeachy_

@elvisalltheway101 @austinsmutler @kingdomforapony.

@generoustreemystic @claire-elvisgirl

@ashtag6887 @burnthheparaphilia @richardslady121

@jaqueline19997

@returntopresley. @iloveelvis @rimartin11@that-hotdog.

@louisejoy86 @misspresley @cattcb @annapresley8

@arrolyn1114 @raginginkedslut @epthedream69

@mh777ep1938

@50sexyshadesfashionista

@oldhOllywOod @hooked-on-elvis @livelovedilfs @sloppiest-of-jos

[sywtwfs]

The Court of Arbitration for Sport has issued its decision in the Kamila Valieva case

• Ms Valieva is found to have committed an Anti-Doping Rule Violation (ADRV) under Clause 4.1 of the All-Russian Anti-Doping Rules of 24 June 2021 (the Russian ADR).

• A period of four (4) years ineligibility is imposed on Ms Valieva, starting on 25 December 2021.

• All competitive results of Ms Valieva from 25 December 2021 are disqualified, with all the resulting consequences (including forfeiture of any titles, awards, medals, profits, prizes, and appearance money).

[…]

The consequences linked to the retroactive disqualification of Ms Valieva from past events, including from the Olympic Winter Games Beijing 2022, were not within the scope of this arbitration procedure and will have to be examined by the sports organisations concerned.

Full CAS release

ETA: Full report of the case proceedings

[moongirlwidow]

File: Volkov, Anetka Vespera —> Notable Events

Aliases: Winter Widow

Status: Classified

File Last updated: July 6, 2023 AD

Status: Student

Age: 15

Class: 16ABX

Total Missions: 681

Missions completed: 671

Missions successful: 670

Mission failures: 1

Kill count: ~10k

The First Winter Soldier Incident

Date of occurrence: April 6, 2012

Age: 6 years

Summary: the Winter Soldier was brought to the academy for a pruning of classes and training session. After watching the elder classes fight and largely fail against the Soldat, Volkov faked unconsciousness. The objective of her class was to survive, however she laid limp for an hour before performing takedown 6AN19Y, a skill she had not been taught not previously seen. She proceeded to render the Soldat unconscious, the only Widow under the age of 11 to do so

Aftermath: following this, in consideration with Volkov’s other skills, statistics and mannerisms, she was selected to train as the replacement for the Iron Maiden, Melina Vostokov, alongside A. Dreykov, Taskmaster

Melbourne Playground 618

Date of occurrence: July 16, 2010

Age: 4 years

Summary: flammable gas canisters were placed in the playground at [redacted](Melbourne, Australia) by Volkov, Galkin and Zubov, lit with a dropped cigarette

Casualties: 29

Targets killed: 6/6

Myers Mountain Poisioning

Date of occurrence: October 16-31, 2022

Age: 13

Summary: Volkov infiltrated the Myers-Henderson Charity Gala in Salt Lake City Utah, seduced Messers. George Cawford and Issac Wells into her suite where she followed orders to lead them on in belief of a possible three-way encounter. She then put a heavy poison on her neck and lips which when oral contact is made knocks the victim unconscious, with the safety precaution of a powder which could be applied via [redacted]

Casualties: 2

Targets killed: 2/2

Retrieval of Archival Soviet Files from [redacted] Castle, Scotland

Date of occurence: August 12, 2022

Age: 15

Summary: Volkov alongside Taskmaster attended a fantasy-theme event in Scotland, using this as a cover to retrieve various Soviet files and archival items. Volkov created a contact with Nina Brown to gain na alibi for being out late, once again showing her skill in seducing women of a lesbian persuasion

Casualties: 0

Items Retrieved: 45/44

Graduation Test

Date of occurrence: July 28, 2023

Age: 15

Summary: following suit with N. Romanova, Volkov’s test included the retiring of her class. She was left blindfolded in a room with four of her peers, all of whom were shot at point-blank range, one shot to the heart and one to the throat. She then found herself in a laboratory chamber, and after moving through light gunfire she mixed chemicals to create toxic fumes, claiming the single gas mask for herself and climbing her to aid in avoiding the chemical.

The final room contained Katarina Yubkin and Olga Oborin, second and third ranked in the group. She eliminated Oborin without issue. Yubkin gave a fight, showing weakness as she begged for mercy before her death. Volkov then checked all bodies to confirm deaths and emerged for her assessment.

Score: 112/100

Time: 7 minutes, 26.751 seconds (record, beats Natalia Romanova)

Casualties: 28