#Winding up in poly because you ran out of fic you were interested in is sooooooooooooooo valid

[gaywatch]

Well I was already exposed to spoilers for KinnPorsche because of the circles I sas already in. This tribute https://youtu.be/YVFpozXEvgc?si=qf8gzl95S_254h5x was just what finally convinced me to join the fandom. Here are some more that I enjoyed https://youtu.be/GIpgcjyUjws?si=LBXLlfo-KDnRFXEq

https://youtu.be/h9H6WjQUMe8?si=rxbFocyesPfCEm-H

https://youtu.be/3zD0Ebe6j6E?si=obxGoZq5ZUO_P3hK

The Maurauder's I was already spoiled because of the movies and was into time travel fics at the time. I think Regulus gets mentioned in book 5 for the first time. You only get other people's POV of him accept a letter that he wrote (he showed a lot of courage in that letter). That Maurauders tribute just puts me in a great mindset for that ship its 👌🏽.

I never really thought of myself as a multi shipper but I guess I am? I guess you could say that I have concrete ships and then some that I'm more flexible with or more flexible with certain characters? I don't know I guess you could say I have some canon(not really in canon but you know what I mean) ships and my more fanon ships are more multi.

I think this fic made me more of a poly shipper

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608316/chapters/17316379

I think what leads me down these paths was for example Steve/Bucky/Tony that I get really into a type of fic at the time Steve/Tony post civil war with specific tags and I read all of the available one's and so I decided to check out a Steve/Bucky/Tony fic with similar tags.

I think one of the reasons I'm so flexible with Steve/Billy and Steve/Eddie is I started watching Stranger Things after I was already spoiled for season 3 so it allowed me more flexibility and maybe less attachment to a specific ship.

Totally get what you mean about 'canon'/concrete ships versus more fanon/flexible ones. I happen to be opinionated and have wayyyy more concrete compared to flexible, but of course either type comes with its own lovely aspects.

With Tony, Bucky, and Steve I was never particularly into Tony/Steve (for some reason, like you really think I would be), which made it very easy to get steamrolled by Winter Soldier and now Bucky/Steve is pretty concrete.

Somehow, I never really settled on a Tony ship? He's in my top three favorite Marvel characters and I'm deeply in love with RDJ, you'd think I'd have some kind of shipping opinion. Tony/Pepper is pretty great canonically, Tony/Steve comes with that initial antagonism I usually spring towards, Tony/Bruce has such great intellectual friends to lovers potential, and yet I'm not drawn to any one in particular. Back when I was still figuring out my Marvel ships I remember writing a little something for Tony/Loki, but then my Thorki fixation caught fire and became concrete. I've been out of Marvel so long that I wonder if anything will unlock on my next rewatch.

Stranger Things brings up a great point ala how you experience a story effecting shipping preferences. I got into the show with plenty of time before season three dropped, so I had a long stretch where Billy/Steve could settle in--making it difficult for any incoming shipping possibilities with either character to grip me in a way that was more compelling. A flip like that isn't impossible, but so rare that I actually can't think of an example off the top of my head.

[yostresswritinggirl]

Request: hello!! i rlly like your works, and as someone poly myself i was really happy to see your venti x reader x zhongli one!! your writing is so interesting and immersive, too!! i'd really like to see a xiao x reader x venti, if possible! anything, hc, fic, i don't mind :D i especially cherish the idea of xiaoven being together beforehand and trying to figure out how to proceed together. -🌌 (just in case i decide to drop by ur asks again in the future, haha)

And then that poly fic turned into five requests ahahaha, I'm glad you found and enjoyed that, as my first poly fic uhu. I didn't expect to actually find these kinds of fics interesting, life is wack pfft. With the new trailer up too, this just made it more appropriate! I hope you like it!

Drifting Blooms

Poly Xiao and Venti falling in love with the Reader, and trying to establish a relationship with you. (masterlist)

Beforehand

The first person you met was Venti when you crossed paths during one of his escapades to Wangshu Inn. After visiting his lover, he then wanted to visit his old friend and passed you in the middle of the bridge.

You smelled of a thousand flowers mixed into a single perfume, and despite the many scents, it wasn't pungent or intrusive. It was... comforting, intoxicating. He stopped in his steps while you continued your path to the Inn.

Before that chance encounter, you were commissioned by Verr to gather multiple scented flowers for a mass floral change around the Inn. While your messenger bag carefully carried and concealed your baggage, the many times you'd sink into the floras had marked your clothing with its many scents.

Venti, intrigued and ecstatic about the discovery would fly back to the architecture to express his findings to Xiao, who was surprised to see him back so quickly. Upon hearing of your person, the yaksha would simply inform him that he's not exactly aware of who you are, but only knows you by scent as well.

He dubbed you the florist, because everytime you appear, the vases would be filled with healthy and blooming ones. Never had he actually put a face to your title.

So like little children, the both of them peered over the railings to watch you down below, conversing with Verr as you present the freshly picked flowers bundled in your arms. From this distance, the smell still winds up to find their nostrils, making them inhale as the calming effect takes place once more.

You looked disheveled yet still composed, a glaze lily you particularly liked tucked behind both your ears. And Xiao notices the huge claymore clinging to your back, a full head taller than yours.

Verr asks you to bring it to the balcony where it would be arranged as all the vases had been vacated there for drying, and when you looked up upon the mention of the higher floor, your eyes widen upon meeting two pairs of bright tantalizing orbs.

While the beholder of the amber ones pointedly avoided your gaze right after, the teal ones smiled through his eyes, waving at you enthusiastically. You returned the smile softly before you started making your way over where they are.

The stronger the scent comes, the more overwhelming it pierces through them both. It was distracting in the best way, minds cleared as they relished under the atmosphere the concoction of sweetness it produced. To the yaksha, he was a bit dizzy, tipsy even as his mind floats. And to Venti, it reminded him of home and the breeze the thousand winds carried with him when he was but a sprite.

When you placed down the flowers by the stone rock, you realized that they were standing idly by you in a respectable yet still close distance. They both realized how it clings to you, and you were forced to stay a little longer as Venti chatted you up to make you linger while the other male chose to hang back where he can overlook the Marsh.

They were both charming despite the other's cold exterior, carrying with them their own sense of elegance and beauty. Is it so wrong to like them despite their already existing relationship? You kept to yourself with a blush at the scandalous thought, congratulating them before bidding your farewell.

When you left, the comfort and warmth took off with you. They were both frenzied and are addicted to it, as if you had marked them so violently. No other flower, not even hundreds, can make their hearts both calm and flutter like you do.

Cultivation

Since then, Venti had been visiting frequently and lingering much longer than usual. Xiao would question it at first until he realized the way the Archon seemed very curious of your presence, drifting over to you or dividing his attention when you came into vicinity.

It wasn't hard to miss with the flowery scented aura you carry, your continuous commission with floras had the smell permanently stuck to your adventuring attire. That or you seem to be using a floral detergent for your laundry too.

Once, you've accidentally left an article of clothing by the balcony in your hurry, whether it be a scarf or handkerchief it was easy to miss. And the bard had noticed the discarded garment a bit too late. Is that why your scent lingered despite the fact that you had withdrawn for the night? Xiao keeps it with him to return the next time you came along.

That night, he realized the following night after you received your missing item, was a rare moment of peace with the voices for once quieted down without the help of Venti's songs.

Upon this discovery it would then be him doing the investigation, the curiousity, he'd be more approachable and less guarded. Somehow he had forgotten how normal mortals were affected by their energy but it would seem it isn't that harmful now than it used to before.

One day, they most likely ended up talking about you to each other in passing conversation, and when Venti teased about the idea of them being infatuated to you... they held a pregnant pause at the sudden realization, of the weird intoxication and the similar yearning.

At first they'd be ashamed of the thought that they came to fancy another person when they were already in an existing and steady relationship. But the thought seemed to just be more enticing knowing that the other feels the same way, why be shy over something that you both feel anyways? And besides, humans also partake in far intense concepts of romances.

But it doesn't really start there, it takes them a little more before they finally realized that another one (especially the likes of you) can easily fit in their daily lives. Now the question is, would you wish to be in between two immortals?

Would THEY be willing to invest in a mortal that would one day be engraved as nothing but a painful memory? That they can never revert back to?

Until they realized the capabilities of adeptal energy.

The Grand Plan

The duo does their best to fall into steps over your humane life, understanding you beyond your simple presence, as they continue to soak up the ecstacy. Like two moths drawn to the flame, the citizens around you can see the dynamic. Even before you three's relationship starts, the rumors had spread into established truth. One you were perfectly unaware of.

It was a painful game of tug of war. They would strive for progress before getting pulled back again, still unsure of their decisions and trying to figure it out as they go.

What made them finally pull you into their world of love? Well, cliché as it is, it was their own greed and jealousy upon the sight of other beings of the mortal realm seemingly gravitating to your form everytime. The essence of flowers had imprinted itself to many people that linger around you, pulling them in the same way the two of them had been.

Before the potential suitors could come within your personal space, Venti's arm wraps itself around your waist as he pulls you back into the balcony with surprising strength. And the entrance would be shut as Xiao kicks out the person trying to take your hand.

Next thing you know, you're squeezed in between two twink- cute guys that desperately clings to what they can get hold of you. Your presence may be overwhelming, but you're already so dizzy from the bouts of emotions racing through your mind at the predicament you find yourself in.

It's time to decide if you want in or not.

NSFW bonus: When on a three way, Venti is in front while Xiao is behind, both of them however occupy the same hole.

@kookieyachi @ellitx @struggljng @moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel

[whaleiumsharkspeare]

Today’s Variantology theme is snow day, so here’s another fic for you!

Some angst, with a healthy dose of fluff. I think I wrote this before Angry and Catalina got adopted, so just keep that in mind. Hope you enjoy!

Snow Day

It was a chilly winter afternoon in Old Corona. Snow fell lightly from the overcast sky and the breeze was light but strong enough to whip the snowflakes around to dance in the sky and float all around. Only a few people were out and about, and most of the homes in the village had smoke rising from the chimneys and drifting off into the air. But it was not completely empty outside, as Angry and Catalina walked through the village in their winter wear, giggling amongst themselves and walking through the snow. When they reached Varian’s house, they climbed up the steps and knocked on the door. After a few moments, the door opened and Quirin looked down at the two girls in surprise and then smiled.

“Oh, hello, girls,” he greeted warmly.

“Hey there, mister!” said Angry.

“What can I do for you?” Quirin asked.

“Is Varian home?” asked Catalina. “We wanted to see if he’d come play with us.”

“Yes, Varian’s home,” he replied. “He’s in his lab. You can come on inside and I’ll show you and you can ask him.���

“Thank you!” the girls said brightly in unison. Quirin held the door open and let them come inside. He led them through the house to Varian’s lab and opened the door for them to go inside.

“Just watch your step,” he warned. “My son’s lab can be a mess sometimes. I keep telling him to clean it up. Be careful not to trip over anything.”

The girls nodded in response and then walked into the lab, being careful to watch their step like they’d been told. They looked around at all of Varian’s test tubes and vials of alchemy of many different colors in awe. There was a whirring sound coming from the back of the lab and they followed it to find Varian kneeling on the floor, drilling something and wearing his welder’s mask on his face.

“Hey, V!” Angry greeted cheerfully. Varian jumped up in surprise, nearly sending his drill flying, but he managed to catch it at the last second.

“Ah! Whoa!”

He set the drill down and lifted his welder’s mask so he could see better.

“Oh, hey,” he said when he recognized them, his voice a bit breathy from surprise. “You surprised me.”

“Scared, V?” Angry teased.

“Scared? No,” he replied, rubbing the back of his head. “I was just surprised.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Anyway, what are you doing here? Not that I don’t enjoy the company, but I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“We wanted to see if you would come play with us,” said Catalina.

“Play?” said Varian. He looked around at his work. “I don’t know, I’m pretty busy with this invention, and my poly-alchemical substration tests will be in soon so I’ll have to write those results down and the spectrometric press has been a little finicky since I repaired it, so-“

“Ah, come on, V!” Angry interrupted. “You can take a little break, can’t you? There’s hardly any other kids in this village right now and we wanna play with someone, even if we have to settle for a dork like you.”

“Well-“ he looked at his work again.

“Please?” they begged, staring at him with little puppy dog eyes.

“Oh, alright,” he relented with a smile. “I’ll come play with you.”

The girls cheered and hurried out of the lab and Varian followed them, amused by their enthusiasm. When they got to the door, they raced outside, but Varian stopped short. He looked up at the sky, watching the snow falling. He felt a shudder in his bones, but it wasn’t from the cold. He didn’t move beyond the doorframe and his eyes were trained on the sky, staring at the swirling flakes and shivering as the wind rustled his hair. Angry and Catalina stopped in the yard and turned to see Varian unmoving in the open doorway.

“Hey! What are you waiting for? Come on out!” Angry called.

Varian swallowed and kept looking up.

“I, uh, I didn’t know it was snowing,” he said softly.

“Well, yeah! That’s why we wanted to play with you!” Angry replied. “Snow is fun! There’s lots of stuff to do in it.”

“Yeah, you can go sledding or build snowmen or make snow angels,” said Catalina. “Or, our personal favorite-“

“Snowball fights!” they said in unison.

“Y-yeah, I know,” Varian replied.

The girls took notice of his hesitation.

“Hey, what’s the problem, V?” asked Angry.

“Yeah, is something wrong?” Catalina added.

As Varian watched the sky, a snowflake landed on his nose and he looked at it for a moment before it melted. He shivered again and took a step back from the opening of the door.

“You know, I...I don’t really feel like playing today. I really am quite busy. Maybe...maybe some other time,” he said, starting to close the door.

“Wait! Varian, you said you’d play with us,” Catalina protested, her voice disappointed.

“I-I’m sorry, guys,” Varian replied. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

“V!” yelled Angry. But Varian closed the door and the two girls were left standing by themselves in the cold. After a moment of silent confusion, Catalina spoke.

“What was that about?”

“I don’t know. He seemed like he really was gonna play with us. I wonder why he changed his mind all the sudden.”

“He did say he was busy with work,” Catalina pointed out.

“Eh, he’s always busy with work!” said Angry. “That’s why he needs to get out of the lab more often. He had a real reason to turn us down.”

“You’re right. Something’s definitely wrong.”

“Yeah. Let’s go find out what it is.”

With that, Angry and Catalina marched back up the steps of Varian’s house and through the door, walking across to his lab. They came back inside expecting him to already be tinkering away on his work, but instead he was pulling blinds across all the windows in his lab in a somewhat distracted manner. They glanced at each other confusedly and then addressed him.

“What happened back there, V?” asked Angry. Varian turned around to face them, having not heard them enter.

“Oh, hey again. Look, I’m sorry guys, but I really am busy with work and I can’t play with you right now.”

“You don’t seem busy to me,” said Angry, crossing her arms. “You’re not even working on anything, you’re just messing with the curtains.”

Varian sighed.

“What’s going on?” Catalina asked.

“It’s...it’s nothing. But I really am busy, so-“

“Come on, Varian,” said Angry, exasperated. “We may not be as smart as a big nerd like you, but we can tell when something’s wrong. You were fine to play with us until you started to come outside. What’s up?”

Varian stood quietly for a moment, not intending to get into the details of how he was feeling. How was he supposed to explain that something as seemingly innocent as a gentle snowfall sent his mind reeling with images of himself stumbling around in a blizzard, cold and alone, and bursting through the door to find his father trapped inside a crystal of amber, a crystal of his own creation? How on nights when the snow was falling outside his window and the wind was howling and shaking the house he would find himself curled up on his bed, unable to fall asleep because every time he closed his eyes all he could see was his frozen father and all he could hear was his father’s voice desperately shouting his name. He looked at the two girls’ curious faces, waiting for him to give them an answer, but he just couldn’t come up with one that he thought they’d understand. He started to open his mouth to talk, and then one of the shutters blew open from the wind. Varian gasped and ran to close it. The curtain he’d pulled in front of the window danced around in the wind and some snowflakes blew in. Varian pushed the window closed, panting for breath as he watched the curtain settle and the snowflakes melting on the floor. Then he sighed with relief and turned around, stopping suddenly when he saw Angry and Catalina staring at him.

“Are you...are you afraid of snow?” asked Angry.

“N-no, that’s not it..,” he started, his hands twitching awkwardly and his eyes dancing from side to side.

“Because you wouldn’t even come outside in it and now you’re rushing like a chicken with its head cut off to get the window closed so snowflakes won’t blow in,” Angry continued.

“Snow isn’t going to hurt you,” said Catalina. “It’s just water.”

“I am not afraid of snow,” Varian insisted, his voice stronger and face determined.

“Then why are you reacting like that?” Catalina asked.

Varian sighed and his expression softened. He looked away and rubbed his arm.

“It’s not just snow that bothers me. It’s the wind and the cold and the howling and the...everything.”

He became quiet, not meeting either of their gazes. Angry and Catalina exchanged a look and then approached him softly.

“Hey, it’s okay,” said Catalina in a gentle voice. “You know, everyone’s afraid of something.”

“Yeah,” Angry agreed. “There’s no need to be ashamed of it. But it might help if you talk about it.”

Varian glanced down at her.

“Look, the way I feel about it is really complicated. I don’t know if you’d really understand.”

“Maybe not,” Angry said with a shrug. “But if you explained it, maybe we could.”

Varian looked at both of their gently concerned and genuinely interested expressions and sighed. There was no getting around it. He’d kept his feelings hidden for a while, and he was afraid that once he got going, he’d just keep on going, letting it all tumble out like a waterfall after a dam had been removed. But keeping himself bottled up wasn’t healthy either, and maybe it was time to let someone know about it. He turned his head in the direction of the window where he could hear the wind whistling softly behind it.

“Well, I wasn’t always bothered by weather like this. Truth be told, I used to love it. I would watch the first snowfall of the season with a lot of excitement and I would drag my dad outside with me to play in it. It was always a lot of fun.” He smiled as he talked, but then he paused and his expression morphed into a frown and his eyes became dark. “But then the storm came,” he continued, his voice deeper than before. “I ran all the way to the castle through the blizzard alone, with the wind howling and snow blowing all around. It was freezing and blinding and I was all by myself. I could’ve gotten really hurt. And then I made it to the castle and I tried to get help from the princess, but she couldn’t help me. The whole kingdom was in danger from the storm, but my dad was in danger too. She couldn’t help me, and the guards dragged me out and tossed me back into the snow. And then I had to run all the way back home through it and the storm was even worse than before. I don’t know how I made it, but somehow I did. But then I got back to my house, and...” Varian trailed off, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around himself as the memory flooded back. It was a sight he would never forget, as much as he would really like to. He turned away from the girls so they wouldn’t see his face become red as he fought back tears. When he continued speaking again, his voice was very soft. “And then I found my father, stuck in the amber.”

Angry and Catalina were silent as Varian recounted his story. They couldn’t see his face, but they knew that he must have surely been trying to fight off becoming emotional. They waited for him to keep going. After a moment, he straightened up and he turned around to face them again. When he did, his eyes were very serious and his voice was clear and strong.

“That was the start of a very dark path,” he said. “That snowstorm was the day I totally lost my cool. I became filled with this deep anger and nothing seemed to satisfy it except watching other people be as miserable as me, and even that didn’t last long. It didn’t fill up the hollow place inside me. I felt so betrayed by nobody helping me when I needed it, I just snapped. And I did some really, really terrible things. Things that I am deeply ashamed of. I never should’ve gone that far. I just wasn’t thinking. I hate the person that I became during that time. And seeing that snow, it just sends me right back to that day. The day I lost everything.”

With his story done, Varian turned his head slightly and avoided meeting their eyes. Angry and Catalina looked at each other for a moment and then back at him.

“Wow, V,” said Angry softly. “That was-“

“Heavy,” Catalina finished. She sighed. “I didn’t know you had that kind of association with the snow. I’m sorry.”

Varian shrugged.

“It’s okay. It’s not like it’s your fault.”

He turned and went back to tinkering away at his work, apparently not minding Angry and Catalina’s company as they stood quietly beside each other. Suddenly, Catalina’s eyes went wide and she whispered something in Angry’s ear. A smile spread across Angry’s face and she nodded excitedly.

“That’s a great idea!” she whispered back. The two of them turned and walked back over to where Varian was working.

“You know, V,” said Angry as she stood near him. “Just because you had one bad experience with snow doesn’t mean you should let it ruin how you feel about it.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked, giving her a confused glance from underneath his goggles.

“You said yourself that you used to love snow, right? But now you hate it. You won’t let yourself enjoy it anymore. You lost all the fun and the joy it once brought you,” she explained.

“But it doesn’t have to be that way,” said Catalina. “You shouldn’t just throw away something that once made you happy. Maybe you can’t rid of that bad memory, I understand. But what you need is to make some new memories. Some happier memories.”

“What?” said Varian. But he didn’t get an answer. Instead, the girls each took hold of one of his gloved hands and started to pull him towards the door.

“Wait, wait! What are you doing?”

“We’re gonna show you that snow isn’t all bad. We’re gonna help you have fun again,” said Angry.

“That way you won’t have to be so upset by it anymore,” Catalina added.

They reached the door and hopped outside, but Varian once again stopped himself before he could go out, gently pulling his hands free from their grip.

“Wait, I can’t do this. I...” he paused and looked up at the snowflakes falling again. “I don’t even have a coat on.”

The girls exchanged a glance again, feeling somewhat encouraged. He hadn’t exactly said no, right? Varian took a step back.

“Just...give me a minute.”

He closed the door softly with a gentle click and the girls stood out in the snow, watching the door. After a minute, it opened again and Varian stood in the doorway wearing his dark grey coat and his little cape with the fur-lined hood and a red scarf that moved a little bit in the breeze. Grinning widely, the girls walked over to him and took his hands again.

“Yay, V! You did it!” Angry said, encouraged.

“Yeah!” agreed Catalina with a smile.

Varian looked a little nervous, but he let them pull him out into the snow with them. In the middle of his yard, they stood on either side of him, each holding a hand, and they all looked up at the sky watching the snowflakes fall. It was a gentle breeze, no strong, howling wind, and the snowfall was light, not blinding and dizzying. As Varian stood, the snowflakes gently drifted down and landed on his nose and his long eyelashes, staying there even when he blinked his eyes in surprise.

“Wow, it...it’s really pretty,” he said softly. He looked down and laughed slightly when he saw Catalina sticking her tongue out and trying to catch the flakes. Angry smiled up at him.

“You ever try to catch snowflakes on your tongue, V?”

“Sure, I’ve done it,” he shrugged.

“Why not try now?” she suggested, sticking her own tongue out and letting go of his hand so she could move around to have better luck at catching them. Varian watched her moving around but made no effort to copy her.

“Come on, Vari,” said Catalina, playfully nudging him with her elbow. “Have a little fun.” She let go of his hand too and joined Angry in running around to catch flakes. Varian watched them, feeling a little unsure of himself but unable to stop the little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he watched them play. If he was really honest with himself, he did kind of miss just being a kid. He’d been through so much, it was almost like he had forgotten how to just have fun. But now his dad was free, and he had more friends than he’d ever had. He was on the kingdom’s good side again, and Catalina was right; snow is just water. He knew he’d never really be over everything he went through, it was hard to let go. But maybe it was time to make some new memories and have some new experiences. Some good experiences. With a glance at the sky, he stuck his own tongue out to catch the snowflakes, just like he did when he was little.

“There you go! That’s the spirit!” Catalina cheered when she saw him.

“Whaddya think?” asked Angry.

“Mmm, frozen water, my favorite,” he replied teasingly, but with a little smile.

“Okay, nerd,” Angry also jokingly teased. “Let’s find something more fun to do. Wanna make snow angels?”

“I’ve actually never been very good at those,” Varian admitted shyly.

“What? How can a person not be good at making snow angels?” said Catalina.

“I don’t know, they just always turn out to be a weird shape. Here, I’ll show you,” said Varian as he sat down in the snow to get started.

“Oh, this I’ve gotta see,” smirked Angry. She and Catalina sat down on either side of Varian and the three of them started moving their arms and legs to form the shape. When they were done, Varian stood up and then offered his hands out to help pull the girls up. They took a few steps back to admire their work. There were two little, perfectly shaped snow angels and one bigger one in the middle that looked a little...off.

“See?” said Varian, brushing the snow off his legs. “They always come out weird.”

“Yeah, you weren’t kidding, V,” Angry said, tilting her head at it.

Catalina tried stifling a laugh, but it found its way out anyway.

“Look at its skinny little legs!” she snorted, pointing. Angry burst into laughter alongside her. Varian watched them for a moment before starting to laugh himself.

“Yeah, you’re right. They are skinny. I don’t know how this happens.”

They continued laughing together for a moment before Angry managed to calm herself down.

“Well, I know something you are good at, and that’s building things. Time to make a snowman!”

“Oooh, yeah!” Catalina agreed excitedly.

“Alright. Let’s get started,” said Varian. Angry and Catalina smiled at his apparent enthusiasm at building a snowman. Maybe he was starting to warm up to this. Angry made a snowball and started rolling it around, and Catalina did the same. When Angry’s snowball became too big and heavy to push on her own, Varian and Catalina helped her. Once they were satisfied with how big the bottom one was, Varian helped the girls lift the second snowball on top of it. Varian made the last snowball, the one for the head. Angry and Catalina couldn’t quite reach the top with how big they’d made the first two snowballs, so they watched as the taller boy put the last one on top. He took handfuls of snow and packed it into the gaps, explaining that it would help strengthen the structure so it wouldn’t topple over under its own weight.

“There, I think that’ll hold,” he said, stepping back.

“Time to decorate it!” Catalina announced.

“You guys get the stuff for the arms and the eyes and stuff. I’ll be right back,” said Varian as he turned to start walking towards his house. Angry and Catalina raced around Varian’s yard, looking for things to use. Angry found some sticks to use as arms while Catalina gathered an armful of small rocks by the frozen creek running under the bridge in front of Varian’s house to use as eyes, a mouth, and buttons. After a little bit, they could hear the creak of a door opening and turned to see Varian returning with an extra winter hat and a scarf he’d taken from a closet in his house.

“Think these’ll work?” he asked.

“Yeah!” they replied.

Angry stuck the sticks into the sides of the snowman and Catalina put on the buttons and stood on her tiptoes to tie the scarf around it. Varian put on the hat and finished up the eyes and the smiling mouth.

“Oh, wait, we forgot the nose,” said Angry.

“No, we didn’t,” Varian corrected. He pulled a carrot out from a pocket in his coat. “My dad was planning to put this in some chicken noodle soup for dinner, but, uh, we just won’t tell him, yeah?”

Angry and Catalina giggled and Varian stuck the carrot in the middle of the snowman’s face. The three of them stood back and looked at it proudly.

“I think it came out really nice,” said Angry.

“Yeah, thanks, Vari,” said Catalina.

“You’re welcome,” Varian replied. “That was fun.”

“But not as much fun as this!” Angry exclaimed, throwing a snowball at Catalina and hitting her square in the face. Catalina looked shocked for a moment before she burst into laughter.

“Hey! No fair, I wasn’t ready!”

“All’s fair in love and...snowball fights!” Angry retorted.

“Then I guess you won’t mind this!” Catalina quickly retaliated, throwing a snowball at Angry. The shorter girl started laughing and then the two of them began running around, beaning each other with snowballs. Varian smiled as he watched them play. He turned around, watching the sky and listening to the sound of the girls’ laughter. It really was quite a beautiful day, with the lightly falling flakes of snow that dusted the landscape in a sparkling blanket of white. It was cold but not miserable, and instead of his own nervous heartbeat in his ears, Varian could hear laughter and the occasional whump of a snowball hitting one of the girls. He’d had a pretty bad experience with snow once, but that was one time. Maybe winter and snow wasn’t all bad. Maybe it really could be fun, if he just found ways to enjoy it. Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by a cold, slushy ball of snow hitting the back of his head. He startled for a moment, his shoulders tensing up in surprise. Angry and Catalina gasped and covered their mouths with their hands.

“Oh, Varian, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you. I was aiming for Catalina but I missed and I...I’m sorry, I-“ Angry stuttered nervously. Varian brushed the snow off the back of his head and turned around to face them, wearing a mischievous smile on his face.

“Oh, it’s on!”

The girls beamed widely at him, a look that was interrupted by both of them getting hit with snowballs that he threw. And just like that, the battle was on. All three kids ran around collecting snowballs, throwing them at each other and trying their best to dodge the ones that came their way. The air echoed with the sounds of their laughter as they played their little game. Footprints covered the yard and snowballs were flying everywhere. Quirin stood by the window, looking out and smiling at the scene before him. He was happy that his son was finally getting to be a kid again. Just having a good time, playing with his friends and laughing. It was good to see him warming up again. The three of them played together for a long time until the sun started to set and Quirin opened the door and leaned out.

“Alright, everyone! It’s starting to get dark. Everybody inside.”

The kids dusted themselves off and walked back towards Varian’s house. When they got inside, Quirin had the table set.

“Angry, Catalina, would you like to stay for dinner?” he offered.

“Oooh, yeah!” said Catalina.

“I’m starving!” Angry replied.

“Maybe they should call you Hungry,” Varian joked.

“Good one, nerd,” Angry said, giving Varian a playful shove.

The kids sat down at the table while Quirin served up the food.

“Chicken and vegetable soup,” he said, placing a bowl in front of everyone. “Perfect for a chilly day. One of the vegetables was supposed to be a chopped carrot but I couldn’t seem to find it anywhere.”

“Hmm, weird,” said Varian, blowing on his spoonful. Angry and Catalina giggled. By the time they finished their meal, it was dark out, and Quirin wasn’t too sure about letting the girls go back to their treehouse alone after dark.

“If you want, girls, you can spend the night here. It might be better to go back home during daylight, and it gets colder at night anyway.”

“Oooh, sleepover!” the girls cheered. Quirin went and pulled some spare blankets and pillows out of a closet and poked at the fire burning in the fireplace a little to keep it strong. The girls and Varian sat in front of the fire.

“Do you want some hot chocolate?” Varian offered. “It’s my favorite, and Ruddiger’s great at making it.”

“That sounds great,” Catalina replied.

“Yeah, thanks, V,” said Angry.

Varian left to go to his lab to assist Ruddiger in making the hot chocolate (someone had to turn on the burner, right?) and when he came back, he was carrying two beakers full of hot chocolate while Ruddiger followed behind with another one. Varian was also trying to walk normally while awkwardly carrying two beakers of hot chocolate and pressing a book to his chest.

“Here you go,” he said, handing one to each girl and then taking the remaining one from Ruddiger. He sat down beside them.

“Beakers, V? Don’t you have any mugs?” Angry teased.

“That’s how I always make it,” Varian replied sheepishly.

“Well, as long as it’s sanitary,” said Angry.

“It is!” Varian said defensively, but with a smile.

“Hey, what’s that?” Catalina pointed at the book.

“Oh, I just thought, if you wanted, I mean we don’t have to, but if you wanted, we could read one of my Flynn Rider books.”

“Good idea, Vari!” said Catalina.

The three of them found themselves snuggled up in blankets, sitting by the fire together with their hot chocolate and one girl on either side of Varian so they could see the book. Ruddiger hopped onto Varian’s shoulders so he could see too.

“Okay, then,” said Varian, opening the book. He began to read. “The Tales of Flynnigan Rider, number five. Flynn Rider versus the Earl of Camembert...”

***

When Quirin came down later in the evening to check on the fire, he found all three kids sitting together, sleeping peacefully. Angry and Catalina were each leaning their heads on one of Varian’s shoulders and Ruddiger was curled up in his lap, sleeping soundly as well. He smiled at the sight and adjusted the blankets so everyone was covered in one. With a silent goodnight, Quirin climbed the stairs and went up to his room. And even though the wind was howling outside, Varian slept soundly, no longer quite as afraid of the elements as long as he had friends to help him find the fun and show him that he had nothing to fear.

Thanks for reading! Hope you liked!

[shreddedparchment]

Of Two Minds Pt.04

You’re Not Lacking

05/17/2019

Pairing: Bucky x Reader x Steve          Word Count: 7,462

Masterpost          Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex, language, fluff, jealousy

A/N: This chapter is a lot of dialogue. It became longer than I thought it would and I am trying to make this as little fantasy-like as possible. As much as I love the fluff that I’ve read when reading poly fics, I’ve always been curious to see a deeper exploration of how the characters get there. I hope this is interesting. And if not, I’m sorry. As always, if you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo

Feeling you in his arms, waking up to your cheek pressed against his chest is a feeling unlike Steve has ever felt.

Until this moment, slowly stirring beside you, Steve had not known how deep his desire for you ran. He loves you.

More than loves. He lives for you. It's silly. Living for a dame…no. You’re not a dame. You’re a girl. The girl.

So close to being his girl that Steve can taste it. The taste is sweet, honey toffee and cherries.

Unfortunately, the taste comes with a lick of bitter flavoring. You’re not his girl. In fact, you’re already Bucky's girl. Steve knows he's an asshole for doing this now when he'd had years to say something.

Years to do something about the way he's felt about you, but it wasn’t until you and Bucky were finally together that Steve knew he’d truly messed up. He’d taken you for granted. He’d assumed you’d always be there, at his side. He’d never thought that someone would come along to take you from him.

Yet, if it had to be someone…

Bucky is more worthy of you than most. In fact, Steve knows how good you’ve been for him. You brought him back to life.

Bucky goes outside and shops with you. Goes to the movies with you. Out to eat dinner. To buy groceries. He takes you to parks and all his other favorite spots in the city. And here on the compound, he's smiling more. He's laughing and joking with the team.

He's made himself at home. Something that Steve has been trying to get him to do for ages and it’s that plus the clear feelings you’d had for him that he pushed Bucky to make his move. In order for Bucky to be happy again, really happy, he needed you.

You did that for Bucky. So, Steve knows that he shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have said it. He should have kept his mouth shut no matter how much you asked and gave him those sad confused little eyes, the small pout of your precious lips.

No matter how painful it had been to see the heartbreak in your eyes when you assumed that you’d done something to deserve his cold shoulder, he should have held out.

He couldn't. You're you. How can he deny you anything?

If he concentrates hard enough on the small bit of time in that hotel room when he got to have you, he can ignore the guilt about betraying Bucky and instead he can linger on the soft breath of your moans.

It had all been so rushed. It had all been so frantic that he can remember his lips on yours, harsh and needy. Teeth clashing, tongues wild, fingers curved into claws. Years’ worth of want had clamored up to the surface and exploded all at once.

You deserve better than animalistic passion. You deserve the softness that he feels when he watches you smile and that strange yearning when you sit next to him and your hand is so close all he’d have to do is slide his own over and your fingers would be touching. That need to make you laugh or smile. To give and not receive. He wants you to be happy.

Why did he have to go and complicate everything?

He squeezes you, his hands roving over the soft curves of your sides as he shifts onto his right to pull you closer.

You hum as your own arms wind more securely around him. Your hands reach up along his back. Curling with subtle wonder along the jut of his shoulder blades.

Steve leans down, eyes still closed as he buries his nose into your hair. He inhales, savoring the sweet aroma and you nuzzle up against his lips.

You'd showered last night in his bathroom so you smell like his soap but there are the hints of you, daisies bathed in sunlight. Crisp but alluring jasmine and soft soothing lavender. You’re a bouquet of scents all distinctly you and Steve knows them well—now he knows them intimately.

You slide your right leg between his two and pull yourself closer.

It all feels too good to be true. He doesn’t know what's better, the idea of making love to you or just staying like this forever.

What if Bucky says no? What if can't accept sharing you? If Steve is honest, he’d rather not share you either. Not because he wants to deny Bucky of you, but he can understand the strength of that love. The selfishness to keep it for himself.

He can’t blame Bucky. He won't blame Bucky. If he can’t let you love Steve too and you decide to leave…can Steve let you?

Steve's arms constrict more tightly, and he buries his face into your hair more forcefully. You groan lightly. He's holding you too tight but the thought of losing you forever…

His brow furrows and the pain that cuts him is harsh and razor sharp. It leaves shadows of seething wounds behind, gushing.

You groan again and it wakes Steve a little more. He loosens his arms, presses a kiss to your head, then opens his eyes.

His heart freezes, nerves on edge as he meets steel ice with his own storm blues.

Bucky stands with his hands clenched into fists, metal and flesh, creaking and groaning from effort. With his jaw clenched, he and Steve simply stare at each other.

Steve isn’t sure what to do. Should he let you go? He doesn’t want to.

The look on Bucky's face is unreadable. Stoic in it's frowning concentration.

Steve watches as his eyes wander over the bed and then the two of you. The bed still made. The two of you, still clothed.

His frown is replaced by pained confusion as he processes the sight before him.

When he meets Steve's eyes again, he tilts his head slightly, his long damp hair shifting. He's dressed, wearing dark cargo pants and a navy long sleeve, sleeves pushed up to the elbow.

Steve can almost see the question he's asking. What am I looking at?

Whatever Bucky had expected you and Steve to do here last night. It wasn't this.

Their eyes meet again, and Steve begs Bucky for forgiveness because as much as he hates to see that hurt expression on his best friend’s face, he also can’t seem to let you go. In fact, his arms tighten, and you groan.

“Steve…” You complain and Steve loosens his hold but pulls you in closer so that your face is buried in the crook of his neck.

“Sorry,” He whispers, but you’re already asleep again, deep sleep. You’re so tired after the mission. You hadn’t been sleeping well.

You’d tossed and turned all night, even in Steve’s arms. He knows why.

As you doze deeper into slumber, your lips mutter once more, the same thing they’ve been saying all night.

“Bucky…?” You whisper. It’s so slurred that it’s almost indiscernible but Steve hears it and his hands rush to comfort you, stroking your back with one hand while the other caresses the back of your head.

Bucky’s eyes widen at first then narrow as he takes a step closer but stops as he searches Steve’s eyes. He’ll only find apology. Remorse. Affection. Steve loves Bucky. He’s family.

“Why-?” Bucky begins but you stir. You whimper, searching for the source of the sound so Bucky stops talking and watches you react to it instead.

Steve sees him notice the way your hands curl into fists on Steve’s shirt. The pucker between your eyes. The sad turn of your lips.

When it looks like Bucky can’t take it anymore, he jerks his head towards the door then leaves the room.

It takes Steve a minute to extricate himself from you. You’re so strong when you want to be and getting your arms off him without waking you takes skill. Luckily, Steve has practice in it. Just because it hadn’t been strictly romantic before doesn’t mean that you and he didn’t spend nights together. Mainly on mission but there had been a night or two of falling asleep watching movies.

He’s careful about shutting the door, giving you a long look as he shuts the door. You’re on your back, mouth open as you breathe heavily, almost snoring with exhaustion. Steve can’t help but smile. He’ll make sure to tease you about that later.

Bucky’s already waiting in the living room, standing on the opposite side of the coffee table and Steve wonders if perhaps he’s keeping it between them on purpose. Does he still want to punch him? Steve wouldn’t blame him.

With his arms crossed across his chest, bulging biceps shifting threateningly underneath the navy shirt, Bucky eyes Steve warily. Reading him as if he were trying to see what Steve is hiding though for the first time since Bucky came to live on the compound, Steve isn’t hiding anything.

“What did-?” Bucky begins but he stops himself and he looks down at the coffee table, melancholic shimmer of uncertainty making his steel blue eyes waver. “No. Don’t tell me.”

Steve knows what he’s curious about. “We didn’t do anything, Buck. She came in and she told me that you’re not sure you can do this. Then we fell asleep.”

“Oh.” Bucky sighs, almost with relief.

“She’s been calling your name all night.” Steve admits, feeling a sting of jealousy in his chest. “She hasn’t been sleeping well. Tossing and turning. What you just saw is the deepest she’s slept in days and it's probably because she knows you’re at least close by.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? That my girlfriend can’t sleep in your arms because she’s worried I can’t share her?” Bucky’s words are biting but true. Still, they make Steve frown.

“I didn’t say that. I just—she’s not happy about this either, Buck. She’s trying to wrap her head around this. Us. This whole situation. It’s not her fault.” Steve argues.

“I didn’t say it was her fault.” Bucky’s voice is ice.

Steve knows that if you could hear them now, you’d be upset. This is exactly what you’re trying to avoid.

“I know it’s my fault.” Steve assures him, taking a step closer but the table is there so this is as far as he can go.

“If you’d just kept your mouth shut-” Bucky looks down at the table, glaring agony and fury cutting Steve deep.

“But I did keep my mouth shut…for years. Even after you moved in here, I kept quiet about how I felt at first because I didn’t want to risk losing her—she was the only thing that grounded me here in this time where nothing was the same and I'd lost everyone. Then I met Sam but by then she’d already started dating so, I stayed quiet. Then you came and she was finally single, but I saw it, the moment you two locked eyes. And you deserved to be happy, Buck.

“How could I do that to you? To her? So, I kept quiet. I pushed her on you. I urged you to make your move and it killed me every time I did. When you came back from the Cayman Islands and I had to watch you finally be with her it was like all my dreams and worst nightmares had come true all at once. My best buddy got his girl…but she was my girl.

“But she wasn’t because I never told her how I felt. And after you two got together, I never could. As much as I wanted to be happy for both of you, I couldn’t help it when the pain became unbearable. So, I did the only thing I could do. I pushed her away. She noticed. She came at me in the hotel and she looked so broken up about it. She wanted to know so desperately why I was acting the way I’ve been acting and I—I know that I should have lied but I didn’t.”

Steve shakes his head but keeps his eyes trained on Bucky’s. He’s going to look his best bud in the eye and tell him all of this honestly. He’s not going to hide.

“I have no excuses to give you, Bucky. I shouldn’t have told her, but I’ve loved her for so long now that I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t in love with her. She’s a part of me. And now that she’s—losing her would kill me, Buck.”

“Do you think that’s going to make me choose to do this? Because you can’t be without her? I don’t need her.” Bucky lies and Steve can see that it’s a lie. “You want her? Take her. I don’t want her.”

This makes Steve angrier than anything that Bucky’s said so far. Angrier than he is at himself. Even though Steve can see that Bucky doesn’t mean it, that he’s just reacting angrily to everything that’s happening, he loves you. Steve knows he does.

“You don’t mean that.” Steve says knowledgeably. “I can see it in your eyes, Buck.”

“The fuck I don’t mean it. Take her.” Bucky says easily, shrugging, arms still shut defensively over his chest. “She’s nothing to me.”

A small gasp turns them both towards the hallway. Steve has never seen that look in your eyes before. He’s never seen you look so vulnerable. So small or so broken. Your lower lip quivers, tearing chunks of flesh from Steve’s heart.

You bite down, shoving the soft flesh between your teeth to keep it from quaking.

“Y/N…” Bucky gasps, regret already saturating his deep tone.

Somehow, tragically, you smile at him despite the tears streaming down your cheeks. “Sorry, I-” Your voice hitches and you shut both eyes to catch your breath.

Both Steve and Bucky seem frozen until you finally speak. “I don’t want you to fight.”

“Y/N, we-” Steve begins, trying to explain that the things being said need to be said if only to air all these emotions out. Bucky’s lashing out. You see that, right? You can’t actually believe what he’s saying.

“It’s okay.” You turn that heartbreaking smile on him. “I-I don’t want t-to be in the way. I’ll just…”

You don’t finish and instead turn to head back down the hallway towards your room. Steve is about to follow but Bucky’s zooming past him before he can take a step.

As you disappear into your bedroom, the door shut behind you, Bucky catches up and tries the handle.

“Y/N? Open the door. I..I didn’t mean what I said, baby doll. You know I love you. Please? Please, let me explain.” He begs, his voice altered with strife.

Steve can only watch, his own regrets flooding forward as he watches the results of his actions. If he’d kept his mouth shut and hadn’t told you that he loves you, then you wouldn’t be crying in your room and Bucky wouldn’t be knocking on your door with his forehead pressed against the wood.

Steve moves as quietly as he can back towards his bedroom, passing yours with Bucky still pleading.

“Y/N? Come on, baby, please open the door. Let me in. I didn’t mean any of it, I promise.” With his best friend’s voice aching, Steve shuts his door to wallow in the consequences of his mistakes.

Bucky knocks as softly as he can.

After what you just heard, he wants to be as gentle as he can with you. He knows that you’re at a disadvantage here. Normally, if you’re upset with him, you’d have kicked his ass by now.

You’ve never been one of those fragile girls that breaks at every obstacle. You’ve overcome everything thrown at you. You’ve risen above the challenges that you’ve come to face but this—this is different.

You’re torn. He knows it’s not easy. He knows that this isn’t fun and games for you either but he’s angry at you and he’s angry at Steve.

After watching you in Steve’s arms all nestled in, sound asleep, Bucky had been sure that he couldn’t do this. He can’t share you. There’s no way. Then you heard him speak and you reacted instantaneously. You uttered his name, even though you were in Steve’s arms, and you searched for him.

He saw Steve tighten his grip to keep you close. He knows that if he’d kept talking that you would have gotten out of that bed and probably come to him. And just like that, Bucky’s uncertain again.

Then Steve told him that you’ve been saying his name all night long. How can he possibly tell you no? He’ll lose you. He’ll hurt you.

He did hurt you. He hadn’t meant it. He’d just been lashing out. He wanted to see if Steve would cave but instead of caving, he doubled down. He called Bucky on his bluff. It’s irritating to see the same love that Bucky feels reflected on his friend’s face for you.

You’re his.

“Baby, please…” Bucky sighs, resting his forehead against the door. He strokes the wood, shuts his eyes, and wishes it was your face. He can hear you sniffling on the other side. “Y/N? Let me explain, please? And if you want me to go, I’ll go. You’re everything to me. I love you.”

The click of the lock sends Bucky’s heart hopping. He stands up straight and quickly twists the knob. He goes in and you’re there, stepping back away from the door with wide eyes, tears still flooding your cheeks.

He shoves the door closed behind him and without hesitation, Bucky rushes towards you, closing the space between you in two large steps. He wraps his arms around you, low on your back. He pulls you tight against his chest and lifts you so that your face is even with his own.

His brow furrowed, he searches your face and sees all of the new insecurities that he’s just created in you. He can see the uncertain shift of your eyes as you look for the truth in his. The tentative way that your hands roll over his shoulders so that you can hold onto him breaks his heart.

I’m an idiot. Bucky chastises himself for the lies he spoke in anger.

“I love you. You hear me?” Bucky demands and the quiver of your lip sends his heart into the pits. “Nothing can change that. Not you loving Steve. Not you kissing him or hugging him. Nothing.”

“But you said-?”

“I was lying. I was angry. He just…he makes me so mad sometimes. He always has. This time it’s more intense. I just wanted to see if he’d cave and he didn’t. The punk clearly loves you though probably not nearly as much as I do.” Bucky likes the light that returns to your eyes.

“Bucky…” You say with light scorn.

“I didn’t mean a word, Y/N. You…I need you. I want you. You’re my everything.” Bucky hopes that it's getting through. How could he be such a moron and say those things. Anger or not, he'll never do that again.

Not only did it hurt you but he does see that uncertainty in your eyes. What if he drives you straight into Steve's arms again? What if you believe him that he doesn’t love you and you just give yourself to Steve?

No. Fuck that.

He mashes his lips against yours, searching your pretty mouth for acceptance. He swirls his tongue along that quivering bottom lip and your surprise quickly changes to relief. Your mouth opens against his and he groans into you, delving deep to kiss you hard.

His need softens after a few moments and when he feels your hands wander up into his hair, he knows he can relax a little.

He pulls back, staring down at your lips then dips back down to give you three pecks.

He loves the way you return them and go chasing the last one for more. With big blooming questions in your eyes, you meet his gaze.

He knows what you’re about to ask and his heart drops because he still doesn’t have an answer for you.

You seem to get that because your fingers fiddle with his hair as you lick your lips.

“You don’t know if you can do it yet, do you?” You ask.

“No.” Bucky sighs. ���It's only been a few hours and seeing you in his bed…”

“You saw me sleeping with him?” You ask, and Bucky's surprised by the worry in your face.

“Yeah." But there’s a bright light to that dark moment. “You said my name.”

Despite his clear bragging, you nod. “Of course. Bucky, when you’re not with me I don’t feel right.”

Bucky lowers you slowly and once you're on your feet again, he traces the curves of your sides as your own hands slide down along the shape of his chest.

“I can see that.” Bucky nods, reaching up with his right hand to trace the dark circles of your eyes. You really aren't sleeping well. “But I still need more time.”

You’re crying again, instantly, as you tear your eyes away from his and Bucky is sure that you’re disappointed because he can’t just tell you yes but then you speak.

“I’m so sorry I’m doing this to us, Bucky. I'm…shit.” You sob.

Bucky can’t deny that this is difficult. This is the hardest thing he's had to do in a while. To contemplate sharing the person he loves most in the world—but that's not true is it?

Bucky places one hand on your cheek while he coaxes your chin up with the other. There’s one other person he loves this much. Like family. It's not the same type of love but it's strong and enduring.

When he's got your eyes on him, he smiles. “I don’t blame you for loving Steve, sugar. There was once a time that I tried hard to find him a girl that would love him the way you do. He found her without my help eventually.”

“Peggy.” You realize and Bucky can see the shift of jealousy and insecurity in your eyes. A few moments ago it had been for himself, now it's for Steve.

“She's long gone, Y/N.” Bucky assures you and you frown.

It feels strange to comfort you for Steve. Assuring you that you have nothing to worry about there. However, he does it because Bucky wants you to be happy. He hates that look of self-doubt in your eyes.

You’re perfect. How can you question it. He sees the way Steve looks at you. You’re perfection to him too.

“I know.” You nod. “I just…I also know that I can’t compare. What they had was special.”

Bucky sighs and turns his hand to stroke your cheek with his knuckles.

“You really can’t let him go?” He asks, knowing the answer you’ll give him.

Your eyes water again and Bucky kicks himself for asking.

“Hey, it's okay.” He thumbs your tears away and shakes his head. “Forget I asked. It's alright.”

“Is it?” You demand, voice strained and emotional.

You don’t relent in your stare and he knows you’ll see through him if he tries to lie.

“No.” He admits. “But it will be?”

You sob and shove your face into his chest, burying it against the soft of his shirt while your hands fist it on his back.

He probably shouldn’t be smug but he's glad you’re here, clinging to him instead of Steve.

“I’m sorry you overheard me. I really didn’t mean a single word of it.” Bucky swears, promising from the bottom of his heart.

“I wouldn’t blame you.” You sigh, turning your head to rest your cheek against him instead. “I missed you so much, Bucky.”

He shuts his eyes, loving the way you squeeze him when you say his name.

God, he's missed you. All of you. That reminds him…

He pushes you back a little and you look up to meet his eyes but he's already closing the distance.

He meets your lips with an open mouthed kiss. Wet and wanting as he slides his tongue between them. You welcome him eagerly, pushing yourself up onto your toes and wrap your arms around his neck.

Bucky's body hums as you curve your torso against his own, clearly wanting more contact.

He stirs in his pants, the soft mewl that breaks through the kiss setting his hips on fire.

He slides his metal hand up into your shirt and your skin pimples at the sensation. You pull back, gasping lightly into his open mouth as his touch does things to you. Bucky loves it when you give him those breathy moans.

It's like it’s too good to make sound but your mouth sits open, crying out with pleasure.

“Bucky…” You whimper and it's all he needs. He lifts you, roughly, hooking his hands behind your knees as you grab hold and he carries you to your bed.

He drops you more gently than he picked you up but only just. You bounce and he slides his hands down between your breasts. He palms one then the other.

With one hand he reaches down, shoving your knees apart with lazy flicks of his wrist and you obey. You want him, it seems, as much as he wants you.

He settles himself between you and thrills at the high pitched moan you gasp when he settles his clothed cock along your core.

“I love you.” He promises, bringing his hand up to caress the right side of your face slowly. Loving.

You tilt your head to the side, bite your lip, and Bucky knows that you’re looking for doubt in his eyes. You’re trying to see if he means his words and he does.

“I love you, Bucky. Forever.” You whisper and Bucky can see that you mean it.

He stares at you, eyes relentless and intense as he slides his metal hand along your shirt. He lifts it, up and over until you’re free of it.

He leans down to kiss your exposed collarbone, suckling the flesh when a voice interrupts.

“Mr. Stark would like to know if you plan on joining the team, Sergeant Barnes.” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s accent still you both and Bucky draws a hiss through his teeth until it turns into a swear.

“Fuck! I forgot. That's why I went into Steve's room. Yeah, F.R.I.D.A.Y. we'll be right there.” Bucky sighs, and begins to pull away but his heart leaps as you wrap your legs around his waist, crossing at the ankles to hold him still.

“No.” You pout, strong legs trapping him.

He knows better than to argue. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. let Steve know about the meeting and tell Stark we're gonna be a little late.”

“We'll be quick.” You promise him and Bucky could care less. He'd stay in this room with you, making love to you until you both died of exhaustion if that's what you wanted.

He pushes himself off of you a bit, just enough to make room for your hands, frantically pulling at his belt. The sharp metal clink fills the room and you’re gasping in anticipation.

Bucky leans down and slips his tongue back into your open mouth as you unzip his pants and finally free him.

His cock erect, you stroke him, slow at first but then faster as Bucky ruts up into your hand.

He pauses, the sudden swell of desire floods into him and his limbs are suddenly fire. Frantic for you. He pulls back, shoving his pants down more and quickly yanks your pajama shorts down to your knees then uses his foot to push them all the way off.

They hang on your foot as he hikes up your leg and in one thrust buries himself slick and throbbing within you.

You nearly scream, moaning so loud that Bucky feels a little guilty and presses his hand over your mouth.

Did Steve hear?

The guilt lasts only a second because you’re writhing beneath him and fuck that, you’re his girl!

He gives you what you want, harsh thrusts, long and deep. It burns through him like molten metal, shaping him and changing him. Every time he's with you and you’re quivering beneath him, something in him changes.

He's tied to you more securely. How can he share this? How can he let anyone else taste this goodness.

“Oh, Bucky, fuck…mmphh.” He silences you with his mouth, falling down on you to bury you beneath him against the bed.

You’re so loud. Despite his declarations of not caring, his mind shoots to Steve and Bucky hopes he's gone down to the meeting already.

The lurid sound of his pounding flesh on flesh, wet noises so dirty it makes Bucky grunt. He picks up the pace, slamming himself into you, against you as hard as he can without breaking you.

“Like that baby doll?” He asks, breaking his kiss because thankfully you’ve fallen back into your soundless gasping. There’s a very quiet whimper if he leans in close enough and the sound of it makes his cock harden, flexing within you. You squirm, toes curling as he wraps his metal arm underneath you to grab your ass and pull you up towards him too.

“Yeah…” You gasp, high and breathy. “Faster, Bucky…”

Bucky stops his thrusting but only to crawl up closer, shoving your legs wider with the spread of his own thighs.

You groan, complaining at the stop but then he starts at twice the speed.

You bite your lip, wrap one arm around his shoulders and slip the other into his waistband to push his pants down further. Bucky's hips stutter as you give his bum a squeeze but he recovers quickly.

Whatever you might say, Bucky knows you’ll want to hear about whatever they’ve learned about your mark down in the Cayman so he slips his hand between your heaving bodies and finds your nub.

You gasp and he flicks it then slowly begins to press down on it, rubbing it in scintillating circles with every thrust.

His breathing shallow, Bucky can feel his hips begin to slow as the band in his belly stretches tight. Without warning, it cuts loose and with one final thrust Bucky grunts as his release fills you, heat and flutters overtake you. He can feel you constrict around him, searching, yearning for release.

He gives himself only a second to relish his orgasm before he's thrusting into you again, his fingers working harder.

It takes only another minute for your nails to dig into the soft flesh of his bottom. You cry out, scream his name, “Bucky!” and Bucky feels himself tense up again.

He floods you once more, filling you to the brim, then falls atop of you ragged breath and thumping heart, your hands still pressing his groin against your own to keep him buried and perfectly nestled within you.

He loves the way you feel beneath him. Your body still shaking. If he wanted you again, he could have you. You’re so pliant, bathed in your effervescent afterglow. You’re excited and happy. He wishes you’d stay like this. His. Perfect and content.

Right now, as he pulls back to look into your eyes, he sees only himself. Your desire is for him only. Is he selfish for wanting to keep it for himself?

Only a few minutes pass and as much as he'd love to simply lay here with you, he knows you. He leans down to cherish your kiss-swollen lips then gets up, kissing your clothed breasts then your stomach before he pulls out of you and rushes to your bathroom.

He comes back with a towel and his pants already done up. You’re good for him. Routine, this time afterwards that you two share.

You lay back, still as he cleans you and he smiles because by the haze in your eyes he can tell that you’re still lost in your lust.

“Wow…we were gone too long.” You sigh.

Bucky chuckles, he agrees that your mission with Steve had indeed been too long. He’d missed your body and your voice. The comfort of your presence.

“That was fast.” You observe.

Bucky knows what you’re thinking. You and he have never had a quickie before but today called for it. He reaches down to finish pulling your shorts off, somehow still hanging from your ankle. He tosses it into the corner by your hamper and watches you peel off your shirt to toss away too.

He keeps watching you as you curl this way and that, arms raised above your head as you enjoy the feel of your soft sheets against your bare naked skin. You’re a Goddess, nude and raw and his.

He doesn’t want to share you yet. With anyone. Not even the rest of the team. You’re so right here in your bed filled with ecstasy and peace.

He lays beside you, his hands finding your sides and stomach. He kisses your skin, savoring the slightly salty taste on your neck from the thin sheen of sweat that has dried up from your romp. Your hands slide gently into his hair. You giggle, and his heart expands. That giggle will be the death of him.

“Your hair is a mess.” You chortle and he slides up further to get closer to your face.

“Yours isn’t so hot either, toots.” Bucky teases, tracing the outside of your jaw. He takes you in, your beauty. You’re astonishing. Clearly not only to him, since Steve wants you. Has wanted you for a long time it seems.

Your body shakes beside him as you giggle, and he nearly jumps you again. Instead however, his brow furrows as he stares at you, unanswered questions tumbling to the forefront.

“What?” You ask, realizing almost instantly that something isn’t right.

While you wait for him to find his voice, he shuts his eyes as you straighten his hair, smoothing it from top to bottom. You even lean in and take a small sniff of it, a quiet purr of pleasure slipping through your lips.

“Is it that I’m not enough?” He opens his eyes and finds you frozen, a look of subdued horror on your face. “I-Maybe I’m wrong, but you seem pretty happy, with me, Y/N.”

“Buck, I am happy with you. So happy.”

“Then why?” Bucky gasps, swallowing hard to shove the lump in his throat as far down as it will go. “Didn’t…You seem so happy right now. Just you and me.”

You sit up and Bucky keeps his hands around your waist, massaging the soft muscle because he can’t stand the idea you being unhappy with him.

“Oh, Bucky.” You grip his hair, yanking on it with intent and then caress the sides, smoothing his hair back so that you can gaze lovingly into his face. “What I’m asking you—This has nothing to do with anything that you might be lacking. You are so sweet. You’re considerate and gentle and rough when I need you to be and you’re everything you should be Bucky. You’re not missing anything. You give me everything that I could possibly need or want.”

Bucky shuts his eyes for a moment because he knows you’re telling the truth. He can see it. He only opens his eyes again because you’re suddenly kissing him. Pressing loving pecks against his lips then up along his chin, cheeks, and finally his eyes where you hold those kisses for two seconds each.

When you pull back, Bucky can’t help the smile that stretches his lips. Despite the smile, he sees worry curving your frowning lips.

“The only way I can explain this is that if it were reversed and I had already been with Steve when you came to live with us, I’d be in exactly the same situation that I’m in now. It might have taken longer because you were such a stubborn ass when you got here.” You pull his ear, hard. He knows you’re still frustrated with him because it took so long for him to give in to the way he’s been feeling for you.

“Sorry.” He whispers but you shake your head at him, before pleasantly tracing the shell of his ear.

“I don’t know what it is about you and Steve, Bucky but you’re both just—Steve is my best friend. He’s been with me through the toughest parts of my life. I’ve told you this.” Bucky knows you have.

“Right.”

“But it’s always been more for me. For both of us apparently, but I didn’t know and now that I do…I want to explore that. I want to love him, freely. And I feel like such a jerk telling you this. I know this is unfair. I know it’s impossible.”

“Well, what does he give you? Is it something that I can’t give you?” He’s surprised by the genuine curiosity in his own tone and you look surprised too. He’s been feeling bitter about all this which is why he lashed out but now that he has you here, naked, at his mercy, affection and commitment pouring from your every pore he wants to try and understand.

“No. Bucky, it’s not about what you can’t give me or that he’s something you aren’t. It’s just that…it’s Steve.” He can see the irritation you’re feeling and his heart stutters. Is he making you hate him?

“I’m sorry. I just—I want to understand. I’ll stop asking.” He sighs.

“No!” You cry, desperately. You tuck his hair back behind his ears as you shift to rest on your knees as you turn to face him. “No. Baby, no. Please don’t shut down. I’m not frustrated with you. I’m frustrated with myself. I didn’t want this to happen. I wasn’t looking for a reason to make you question your worth like this because you mean everything to me. You’re my man.”

Bucky likes the way you shrug, the small grin on your lips.

“You’re the filling in my Pop Tart, if Thor will ever leave us any. The sheath to my knife.” You amend.

“I like the second one better.” He says lazily, reaching out to wrap his arm around your waist. He likes the easy smile you’re wearing now, despite the anxiety in your eyes.

“Steve doesn’t give me anything that you don’t Bucky. But he is different. Things are different with him but not better or worse. He’s just Steve. And I don’t think I can live without either of you. You’re the very breath in my lungs and Steve is the blood in my veins. I’ll die without one of you.” Bucky thinks you’re being slightly dramatic, but he gets what you’re trying to tell him.

“You love him. Right?” You ask, the way your voice rises makes Bucky’s heart ache. Off course he still loves Steve, however much he may not like him at the moment. Steve is his only family.

“Not so much right now.” Bucky grumbles playfully. He doesn’t want you to stop smiling. “I think I get what you’re saying.”

“I didn’t think feeling like this about two different people was possible. The fact that it’s you and Steve kinda feels like karma.” You sigh heavily, shoulders slumped.

“Karma for what?” Bucky asks, intrigued.

You meet his eyes and he sees the hesitation. Even now after several months together, you’re still resistant to letting him in all the way. He can’t blame you. He gave you plenty of reasons not to let him in before. He was rough with you. Cold. He’d pushed you away. Although, if he’s honest, he kinda misses you jumping out from around corners to try and scare him.

“You don’t have to tell me.” He assures you, but he can’t hide the disappointment.

“I killed someone.” The way you rush to say it, your delicious tongue almost tripping over the words, tells him that this is what you’ve been struggling to tell him for a while. “I mean, I’ve killed lots of people on the job, but this was different. I-I could have done something other than kill him, but I didn’t. I gave in to my anger. My hatred.”

“Who-?”

“My dad? Well, stepdad. He hurt my sister. So bad she died, and I was really angry, so I slit his throat.” He sees the fear in your face. Do you really think that something as primal as revenge is going to change the way he feels about you? Have you forgotten who he’d been? The things he did? It’s a miracle that Tony lets him live here much less take part with the team.

“It sounds to me like the asshole deserved it.” Bucky assures you but you’re already shaking your head.

“Steve said the same thing, but I’ve never felt good about it. I was happy for a little while that he was gone. That my sister could rest easy with her life avenged, but I started to have nightmares. Steve helped me with that. And I helped him with his.” You scoot closer so that you’re practically straddling him, his knee pressed against your volcanic core.

If he weren’t so emotionally distracted, he might give in to its call. Instead he wraps his arms around you and holds you against his chest.

“We grew together. Steve doesn’t give me anything that you don’t, but our connection is different. It’s special. Just like yours and mine is. Loving him doesn’t make me love you less. I’m not going to leave you for him, Bucky but I do want to be with him. And I’ve said this so much already, but I know that it isn’t fair to ask you to be okay with that.”

“But you’re going to leave me anyway if I say no?” He asks, his voice low and pained but his arms around you to show you how much he cares.

“I-I don’t know how else to-to deal with all this other than leaving. I can’t be with you when you know that I want to be with Steve, hurting you like that on a daily basis while also hurting Steve by shoving us in his face? And I can’t leave you for him. I don’t know if you think maybe that’s an option or that it might be easy, but it wouldn’t be. I can’t picture my life without you in it like this.” He feels you settle down on his leg more, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “And if I can’t be with either of you…how can I linger? It would kill all of us I think, if I stayed.”

Bucky’s torn. He can see the logic of what you’re asking, but with your body so perfectly nestled on his lap, he’s having a hard time seeing past the possessiveness of his relationship with you. You’re his girl. That’s his hot spot between your legs. Those pecks you gave him earlier are his pecks. You’ve finally told him about your family—maybe not in depth but enough to open that door. Those are his layers to discover.

He realizes that Steve has already discovered those layers. You’ve already given different parts of yourself to both him and Steve. All you need is Bucky’s approval and you’ll give them all of you? Both of them?

He also can’t deny the happiness that you would give Steve. He hates to admit it, but he sees the way Steve loves you. Now that his eyes are open to it, he’ll be able to always see it. After losing Peggy, how can Bucky deny Steve this bliss?

He has so much to think about.

Bucky is torn.

“I need more time.” He admits and you nod. “But I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry I said what I said. I was being stupid.”

“Again?” You tease, and Bucky reaches down to pinch your bottom.

You give him a small yelp and squirm. The sound makes him smile and you respond in kind by dipping down to kiss his lips.

With no other options, Bucky lets his mind refocus on the now. He gives your bare hips one last caress before he slaps your bottom twice.

“We gotta get down to that meeting. You’ll wanna hear what's being said. I think they found some leads on those drugs.” He tells you and your eyes light up.

Like he knew you’d respond to the news, you’re moving for your dresser quickly. You’re eager to get to the bottom of whatever those drugs are and where they’re being sourced from. Bucky watches you pull on a new pair of underwear, a pair of jeans and a simple white tee.

While you quickly strip your sheets and throw them aside, Bucky makes for the door then turns to wait with his hand extended.

His heart aches with pure stupid love as you scamper towards him and smile up at him as your hand falls into his.

“Let's go.” You urge him and he leads you out with his own grin in place, the knowledge that you’ll be smelling like him until you shower giving him such wicked and slightly petty delight.

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