#Willy did one thing right and that is give me an excuse to draw the kid dads in chokers WHICH I WILL DO NOW every time they get mentioned in

[manitapaleta]

“You see something change in his eyes—

You see realization dawn on him—

You see him figure something out.”

Clean headshot (heh) version

[innytoes]

Fall prompts! 4 for Alex or Willie (or both!) with Julie (and/or Reggie if his brother exists)

Also special shoutout to @bananakarenina who basically prompted the same thing while I was already writing this.

Willie kind of loved the fact that his cute, tall, adorable, snarky boyfriend came with special perks. Not only did Willie have an excuse to be out of the house more, but he got to go to free concerts all the time. Hell, he got a free concert every week at band practice, when they let him chill on the sofa and draw as long as he didn't flirt so hard with Alex that he accidentally yeeted his drumsticks across the room again.

Listen, it had only happened one time but Luke was still traumatised.

He also liked the built-in friend group he now had. Reggie always had nice things to say, Luke was always down to clown, and Julie's entire family took one look at him and decided he was now part of the family too.

So with Halloween approaching, and Carlos and Reggie becoming more and more stoked, Willie carefully asked Alex what his plans were. "Dunno," he shrugged. "My parents never let me celebrate Halloween growing up, and I'm too old to go trick or treating now."

At Willie's heartbroken face, he back paddled: "It's okay. Luke and Reggie used to share their candy with me, and it wasn't like I couldn't use my allowance to buy some myself."

"But- but didn't you want to knock on the door and shout 'trick or treat' and have little old ladies tell you how adorable you looked in your costumes or... or whatever really happens during trick or treating?" Willie asked.

Reggie looked up from where he was fiddling with his phone. "You've never been trick or treating before either?" he asked.

Willie shrugged. "Not a lot of people wanting to take a foster kid out when I was little. And once I started living with Caleb, he usually dragged me to work his dumb rich-people parties." It had been fun the first few years, when he got to dress in all white and gray Victorian clothes, paint his face white, and scare the daylights out of club guests. But once puberty hit he was usually relegated to clean-up or playing waiter. He still got to be a ghost, because everyone working pretended to be a ghost, but it got less fun every year. "I've always wanted to go trick-or-treating like on TV."

"Well dude, you can join me and Stevie!" Reggie said, excited.

Julie grinned. "It's probably one of Carlos' last years trick-or-treating as well, I promised him I'd go with him so he can stay out later but not be seen being escorted by Dad. I'm sure he'd be thrilled for you guys to join us."

"Do we get to dress up?" Willie asked, breathless.

"Of course!" Julie said.

"Alex can we can we can we?" Willie asked, flopping over in his boyfriend's lap and giving him the most epic puppy eyes. Honestly, if Alex said no, he was still probably going to tag along if Reggie and Julie would have him. Luckily, Alex rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Fine. But if we're doing this, we're doing it right. Adorable cliché couple costume or bust."

So they met up at the Molina house on Halloween, ready to go. They'd settled on Peanut Butter (Willie) and Jelly (Alex). Carlos was dressed as a ghost buster, Julie as a little devil (but not a sexy one, since Mister Molina was Right There to take pictures of them all). Reggie and Stevie arrived in matching cowboy get-ups.

After a little photo shoot, they headed off. Carlos and Julie knew all the best houses to hit up and had set the route, and Stevie insisted on walking between Reggie and Willie, so he could interrogate him. Honestly, being interrogated by a six year old was way scarier than the lame-ass shovel talk Luke and Reggie had tried to give him once things with Alex got serious.

"You've never been trick-or-treating?" he asked for the third time, big eyes staring up at him seemingly unblinking.

"Never ever," Willie agreed.

Stevie seemed to mull that over until they got to the first house. Then, he grabbed Willie's hand, dragging him to the front. "Willie gets to ring the doorbell," he told Carlos seriously. "Cause he's never been trick-or-treating."

Carlos immediately stepped back to let Willie through, grinning. "That's totally fair," he agreed.

Willie looked back to see Reggie and Julie give him a thumbs up. Alex had his phone out, filming, because he was a supportive boyfriend. Or because he was mocking him. Probably a little of both. Still, Willie took a deep breath and then rang the doorbell, stepping back and shuffling so Stevie was in front of him. Nobody would say get lost to the guy with the cute little cowboy in front of him, right?

"Trick or treat!" they sang out, and it was Just Like The Movies. The lady at the door told them how adorable Stevie was, and how cool Carlos' costume was, and smiled politely at Willie. Carlos and Stevie grabbed a candy, putting it in their bag, and she went to close the door.

"Wait!" Stevie said. "It's Willie's first time trick or treating!"

"Oh buddy, that's okay, I already got to ring the doorbell," Willie started, only slightly embarrassed. But Stevie's lip jutted out stubbornly.

"It's his first house, too," Carlos said, fixing the woman with big puppy eyes that should be illegal.

"Well then," she said, holding out the bowl to him. He smiled shyly, taking one fun-sized Mars Bar from the pile.

"Thank you, ma'am."

"What do we say, Steve?" Reggie asked quickly.

"Thank you!" Stevie and Carlos sang out, and the woman smiled at them and closed the door.

He held out his hand for a high-five that Stevie returned happily and gave Carlos a fist-bump. Then, he turned around to see Alex watching him, face adoring.

The tiny Mars bar was the most delicious candy he'd ever had in his entire life, even as Julie scolded him you were supposed to wait until the end of the night to eat your candy.

"You know," he told Stevie, as he and Reggie each held a hand so he could swing between them. "It's Alex' first time trick or treating as well."

The look on Alex' face when Stevie dragged him to the door of the next house to make him ring the doorbell was almost as good as the Mars bar.

[kashimos-hajime]

dear... whoever | b.b.

summary: a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries. 

WARNINGS: swearing, LOTS of fluff, mentions of drinking and sex and hospitals and guns, general fun and witty attitude, small angst, big jealousy, obviously au after civil war. everything after does not exist. pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 9.5k

a/n: written for @softbiker​ and 100% inspired by @sunmoonandbucky​ with the format. my prompt was let me love you by rita ora and i wrote it from the perspective the singer is singing it to rather than the actual singer. this was super fun to write. enjoy!

July 31/20

Dear…

Whoever is going to read this. So… me, in the future probably. So, it should be dear WHOMever, I think, but it sounds wrong.

Is it too cliché to say dear diary? I don’t know. After all, I don’t WANT to be writing this but unfortunately I am because it’s mandated. Apparently, the psychiatrist that works for Stark Industries thinks it’s necessary that I write down my feelings and show that I’ve adjusted to working part-time superhero, full-time head of Tony’s stupid R&D department.

Something about how that much stress can cause psychotic fractures in the worst case scenario.

Cute.

Anyway, I don’t know what to write. Currently, it’s 4:23AM. The only reason I’m awake is because I have trouble sleeping on the best night. I heard Barnes messing about and because I am the Hermit of the Rec Room Couch (catchy, I know), I can hear him just walking about.

What the hell is he even doing?

To be honest, I’ve never talked to Barnes besides the occasional greetings because he’s the sort to keep to himself, I guess, and, valid. I’m not saying it’s not, considering his history, but you know.

I think I’m a friendly person, and I’m bored. He’s eventually going to hear me writing noisily because of super-soldier hearing or whatever, so I might just get up and introduce myself.

Not that I’ve been working here for years, but whatever.

I’m really bored and hungry, honestly, so a trip to the kitchen would be considered normal (and warranted) in such circumstances.

Fuck it.

Time to make a new friend or die trying. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why.

.

Aug. 1/20

Dear Jane,

I finally got the time to write in here and you may be wondering why I have named you. Well, after the conversation at roughly 4:30 AM, here are things that’ve changed in a disorganized list. None is more important than the other. I'm just writing what comes to my head.

One: Barnes said he doesn’t really let anyone call him James. I called him James once because I forgot. Profuse apologies followed. He said it was okay and didn’t mind me calling him that. Now, in my mind, I think he’s just saying this to be polite and really just wants me to call him Bucky but he seemed sincere. We’ll see how it goes.

Two: Barnes was awake because his cat woke him up. I didn’t even know he had a cat but it’s a gorgeous white cat named Alpine that Barnes carries around in his half-zipped up hoodies sometimes. It’s adorable. He’s super soft and friendly and I love him already. He showed me all the tricks Alpine could do. Amazing.

Three: Barnes’ favourite movie is the Godfather. Totally surprising there. Please tell me you understand sarcasm.

Four: He said he liked the name Jane when I told him what I was doing up and also in the rec room (couldn’t sleep, writing in my diary) and that I didn’t want to say “Dear diary”

“Why don’t you just give it a name?” he eloquently suggested and Jane was his answer to my question of “Which name?”

Five: Barnes, or James, I guess he is now, is my friend.

Six: We said we’d meet up at 4:30AM or earlier again because I told him I wanted to show him my s’mores dip recipe.

Seven: Wish me luck. Hope I don’t get murdered.

Eight: I think I might be in love with him.

Bye.

.

Aug. 5/20

Dear Jane,

In an effort to summarize what has happened in the past four days, I will open with the fact that James Buchana Barnes is the cutest motherfucker on the planet. He’s super old fashioned, but that’s a given. He opens the doors for me, offers to take my bags up, and in the past four days, we’ve met up at around midnight to just eat and chat. Then he walks me back to my room with a glass of water and I’m left fanning myself because it’s so sweet and he’s so sweet and OH, MY GOD, I am a child.

This feels like a crush. Like, butterflies in my stomach, self-conscious every time he looks at me, can’t stop staring, and wanting to impress him at every turn sort of crush.

AKA, a middle-school crush and I feel completely ridiculous but that is besides the point because he’s just the loveliest person.

Someone should tell him chivalry is dead. Steve thinks he’s just being sweet on me, and Sam says I should flash some ass just to get a rise out of him which would be funny. He’d look absolutely adorable blushing his head off.

We’ll see. I am considering it.

What else happened? I’m drawing a huge blank.

As explained in a previous entry, I was to show Barnes my s’mores dip recipe. Huge success. Crowd loved it. That’s how I learned he has a huge sweet tooth like me. Got an email from Pep about a board meeting which I ignored. If it’s really important, she’ll see me in person. Went swimming with Sam. We started planning Tony’s big Christmas party even though that’s MONTHS away.

But, you know. We’re so busy all the time, it might be worth it planning ahead.

As head of R&D, it’s vital to me that this goes well because they’re fun when they do go well, and a chaotic disaster when they don’t. Also, I have to find a date but details will follow.

I think that’s it.

If there’s more to follow, then I’ll just come back but there really isn’t.

Oh, Alpine found my room. He’s in here right now and he snores. It’s cute, just like his owner.

Okay, goodnight.

.

Aug. 7/20

Dear Jane,

Sam, James, and I went swimming.

Pro of the day: James is ripped and that man was GLISTENING.

Con of the day: I AM STUPID in front of hot ripped men.

Pro of the day: We got ice cream together. Strawberry for me, mango for James because he wants to try new flavours, and Sam ordered some monstrosity with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and raspberry syrups, and a bunch of banana slices. A swirl of whipped cream to finish it off. It looked like diabetes in a cup and that’s coming from me.

Con of the day: James used his thumb to wipe the ice cream off my lip and my brain short-circuited. Sam teased us about it, but James very stubbornly and convincingly said we’re just friends.

Con of the day x2: We are just friends and that is NOT going to change. I cannot explain how much my heart literally fell out of my body in disappointment.

God, and James and I are meeting up at 2AM tonight so he can show me this new stupid stuffed celerey recipe he learned.

It’s not stupid.

It’s really, REALLY cute he researched it.

This sucks.

.

Aug. 11/20

The worst day ever. I don’t want to talk about it but might as well make a note on it. More on it later, I guess.

.

Aug. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry, I’m dramatic. Must get it from working with Tony for so many years.

Let’s just review what occurred on August 11, 2020, at approximately 3:23 in the afternoon.

I learned that James went out on a date. A DATE. From SAM. When James had ample opportunity to tell me at our regular meeting at witching hour over celery sticks.

EXCUSE ME? WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

I’m not even mad. I’m just angry that the man I became friends with only 2 weeks ago and caught feelings immediately for is seeing other people.

I sound like a raging bitch. I promise you, Jane, that I am not. I’m just the insanely jealous type.

No, I’m not.

God, what is happening to me and why does it have to be James.

I never get crushes and the instant I do, it’s for the most emotionally and physically unavailable person ON EARTH.

Also, work was work. I was distracted, drank soup from the canteen, and generally accomplished nothing. Alpine came for some snuggles while James was out. That’s the only good thing.

Thanks, universe.

.

Aug. 16/20

Dear Jane,

So, I brought up this mystery lady over homemade sundaes.

James seems pretty serious about her because he a) apologized for not telling because he wanted to keep it private and asked me not to tell anyone and b) has a second date with her later today.

Oh, GOD. There is no point to this.

.

Aug. 19/20

Dear Jane,

What’s the point of asking someone intimate, personal questions if not because you guys are best friends?

James called me his best friend today. He says he knows me, but if he did, he’d know I feel like throwing up whenever he’s around and that his stare burns through every layer of clothing until I feel like he just knows my secret.

I told him we’ve known each other less than a month, but he said something stupidly charming about “intuition” and feeling and that this feels right and how he knows he can tell me anything and that I was an easy person to talk to.

I should’ve been a shrink.

At least, my trip to Wakanda is going to give me distance. A solid two months of no one else but me, tech, and new faces. Going there to collaborate with Shuri is definitely exciting and taking up more space in my brain than James these days.

Maybe I’ll fall in love with some soldier over there because apparently, I’m catching feelings willy-nilly these days.

See you on the plane, Jane.

.

Aug. 23/20

Dear Jane,

On the quinjet, it’s fairly quiet. It’s one of the things I love about it. The silent yet soft engines that can lull me to sleep. We should be arriving in a few hours so I thought I’d write. I’m getting the hang of this, I think.

There's a press conference later, too, in the trip with the UN and it’s not that I can’t handle it, but that I could’ve done this in my sleep and wished Tony sent someone else. I hate the press, not gonna lie.

Anyway, this gives me time to be introspective.

Is it just me or James always Okay, is it just my imagination that whenever I try to get close to James, he just kinda pulls away? Not in a romantic way. I’m not stealing anyone’s man because girl code, but he won’t even let me just stand near him anymore. It’s like I have an infectious disease only transmitted through physical contact and it’s just weird.

I don’t know.

Before I left, he said he’d miss me and that we should keep in touch through calls (Obviously, I would) and that he hopes I won’t forget him.

So, you say those things but you won’t even let me even hug you?

You’re a manipulative asshole, Barnes.

.

Oct. 20/20

Dear Jane,

I am so sorry that it has taken so long for us to reunite.

In hindsight, I’m a fucking idiot.

I left you on the quinjet which went back to New York and a different quinjet came to pick me up. I came back like two days ago so these past few days have been spent searching for you.

James offered to help, and he seems normal again.

Weird. Guess he was just in a mood with the new girlfriend and adjusting to having me as a friend, too. Guys go through that, I guess.

In Wakanda, I did not, in fact, fall in love with a soldier or anything. I curse every day that I didn’t, trust me. I’m just as disappointed as you are because I just want to get over this stupid crush. For the two months I was gone, it was like I didn’t like James at all like that. Even during calls, I could pretend we were just two teammates keeping each other in the loop. He talked about his girlfriend, I listened, I explained science because he’s a nerd, and he asked questions like he was interested.

It was FINE.

Then, he was waiting for me when I came back to NYC and it slammed into me like Bruce in Hulk-mode.

James asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend because she’d be coming around for the Halloween party anyway, and he thinks we’ll get along swimmingly.

He really said swimmingly. He is stuck in the wrong era, but we all knew that.

I said yes, to be polite.

Here’s to hoping she’s a vindictive bitch and I am justified in hating her entire being.

.

Oct. 22/20

Dear Jane,

I met her. She’s small and pretty and mature and normal.

If I wasn’t stupidly in my feelings about James, I’d love her, too. 

She’d treat him right, give him a good home to come back to.

Best not to notice the people fighting beside you in that way, I guess.

.

Oct. 25/20

Dear Jane,

God is dead and NO ONE has eyes on the road.

Jesus isn’t even taking the wheel on this one.

It’s a fucking disaster.

I do not want to describe in every little detail the intricacies of dreaming about James Buchanan Barnes fucking my brains out, so I won’t, but this is for the record that it happened and how the fuck am I supposed to come back and see him in his probably gorgeous attempt at his recreation of Brendan Fraser from the Mummy AKA my favourite movie (which HE KNOWS THAT IT IS?? GOD, the audacity.)

Girlfriend (his girlfriend. “Girlfriend” is the name which she shall be henceforth known as in these entries because petty wins are all I have right now) is dressing as Rachel Weisz. Because “couples goals” or whatever.

I wouldn’t know. Sam and I are dressed up as sexy salt and pepper shakers (his idea, not mine) and he made me take the salt stick because I think he knows. Steve’s not dressing up because he’s more focused on handing out candy as Captain America.

Tony is… Tony. Iron Man and all that.

Anyway, I’m out of town in DC for a meeting with the Secretary of State for a few days, but I’ll be back in New York on the 30th so I’ll have a few hours to adjust to being around James again before he dons on that outfit that I know will be totally hot.

He called me his best friend again in his latest email.

Made me smile like an idiot, but I digress.

.

Nov. 1/20

Dear Jane,

Halloween was killer. Sam and I won best duo for costumes because we’re that good. Ate a lot of candy and it seems to be looking up.

I dunno. I didn’t mind James and Girlfriend on the couch that much in the after-party. Mostly stuck by Nat and Sharon and Tony. An ood trio, but a fun one nonetheless.

It was fun, but I still have to go to work no matter how many jello shots and vodka gummy bears consumed.

Wish me luck, not that I need it.

Why do you think Tony hired me?

.

Nov. 4/20

Dear Jane.

Natasha said I smile at James in a way that utterly betrays every emotion I want to hide in my chest.

Note to self: Don’t smile at James, or at his jokes, or at anything he ever does again. Avoid him. Put a stopper on this friendship.

Note to note to self: I can’t. He just makes me smile whenever he’s around and he’s always around. There’s no simpler way to put it.

I’m gonna try this hiatus thing, though. Distance myself a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

.

Nov. 13/20

Dear Jane,

Day nine of this hiatus business and it sucks. I miss my best friend.

We’re scheduled for a mission together, and we’re leaving tomorrow so I was going to have to talk to him during the briefing and the op either way.

Well, glad to know this didn’t work.

.

Nov. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Guess who just got fucking shot!

ME!

Guess even scumbags can’t take a holiday because some stupid arms dealer got a cheap shot on me while I was downloading their whole computer system and other tech mumbo-jumbo I am too high to write about.

James left a few hours ago with the rest of the team, but not before he got me a bunch of ice chips and said he was worried and that he hopes I get better soon. He even promised to get me some flowers to spruce up the room and to say my HEART went CRAZY is an understatement.

He came to my rescue, essentially, as soon as he heard I got pinned. He carried me to the quinjet the instant he cleared the area and stayed by my side the whole time even though the bleeding stopped and I was in good hands. He was just so protective, barking at doctors and nurses. It was embarrassing but also really, really sweet.

Is it weird of me to say that I want him to stay by my side forever? 

I’ve never fallen in love before.

Is it always this fast and this hard? I feel like I’m crashing instead of gently and wonderfully falling. Everything is dumb and awful.

Is this what love is like? Because it hurts worse than getting shot because I think I’m going to vomit flowers or butterflies or something.

God, he’d never love me. We’re just friends and even though we have a lot in common, he’d never. It’s just too much of the past in the present or whatever.

Also, he has a girlfriend but it seems very surface-level. God, that makes me sound like a “one of the boys” type of girl who’s a bitch to one of the boy’s new girlfriends, but I don’t know. James told me they don’t really talk about the deep stuff like we do. But she makes him happy, I think.

In hindsight, one may ask what the deep stuff is.

More on that later. I’m tired.

God, why him?

I HATE THIS.

goodnight.

.

Nov. 16/20

Dear Jane,

James visited again today. He sat beside me and we talked until the nurses had to kick him out. He also brought the flowers.

I asked about Girlfriend casually. I said I liked her.

He said he did, too.

I don’t know why I think he’s lying. No, I do.

It’s because jealousy is the green-eyed bitch from highschool who still shows up in my life because she thinks she’s relevant to society.

That was mean. Unrequited love makes you mean. Side effect noted.

P.S. The deep stuff includes his past, his arm, his memory, his favourite colour. I dunno why that matters. It just does.

.

Nov. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Got out of the hospital today because of advanced technology and all that. Nothing’s left but a scar and residual soreness. James helped me to my room and said to call him if I had a problem.

I joked that he has a girlfriend and for some reason, he got really weird about it. It’s hard to describe. I dunno. Nat dropped by for popcorn and movies.

It’s 2:32AM. I’m wondering if he’s in the kitchen but I’m confined to bed rest so I don’t know. Also, Nat is asleep beside me and I don’t want to bother her.

Hopefully I can get up and move in a few days. Life is boring.

.

Nov. 24/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry we haven’t caught up in a moment. Work’s been hectic and I’ve been working overtime trying to make ends meet. Most days I’m in the office or lab, just trying to get enough things done so I can take time off come Christmas.

James stopped by tonight with Chinese takeout and some sweet buns.

He broke up with his girlfriend, too.

Guess that’s why he was being weird about it.

I tried being as casual as I could asking why, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so I asked why he came by. Couldn’t be for the company because when I’m in work mode, I just don’t talk and he knows that.

He said something about his arm feeling funny so I gave it a quick diagnostics check.

I think both of us knew his arm was feeling fine.

Everything is stupid, life is meaningless, and James’ lips are the prettiest shade of pink in the ugly lights of the lab.

I would very much like to have kissed him, but I didn’t.

Girl code.

It’ll probably be a while before I get another chance to actually have time and energy to write another diary entry. Christmas season’s coming close and Pepper is gonna need help with the party.

Yay, me.

.

Dec. 4/20

Dear Jane,

Morgan asked me in less eloquent words if I had a boyfriend (it was more like “You boyfriend?” But whatever. Who even taught her that word?) and I swear to GOD Nat could not make it anymore obvious looking at James.

Remind me to absolutely throttle her. I don’t care if she’s the infamous Black Widow. She has clearly never seen me hopped up on nothing but a negative amount of sleep and rage/embarrassment/spite/all of the above.

On another note, Pep asked if I was bringing a plus one for the party. I said I’d think about it. Normally I’d just take Sam but he has his eyes on someone at the VA and I like my friends getting laid so no go there.

Might just go alone. I don’t know.

Pep said I should take James, but I don’t really think she knows the truth about that situation. Luckily, Tony instantly rejected the idea and said he’d find me a date if I couldn’t.

Thank the universe for at least placing me in the close circle of the most well-known and richest man in the world because he also gave me his card and said go wild.

He knows me so well. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping when I have another free day, and I’ll pay for that with my own money, of course, but clothes shopping is a free market.

I cannot wait.

.

Dec. 12/20

Dear Jane,

I wish I could show you my haul, but I got so much stuff Happy had to drive to help me. Besides obvious gifts, I also managed to snag a gorgeous dress for the party.

Thoughts on black and gold?

I think it’s beautiful. Hopefully Nat and Sharon think so. We’re having a girls night tonight and showing off outfits, so that’s exciting.

James asked if we could meet up tonight.

I told him I had plans and he looked so downcast.

I dunno. Everything feels weird between us. Like we’re fine, we’re best friends still, but something’s changed when no one was looking. He’s single now. I guess that energy is different because I had gotten used to his energy with ex-Girlfriend.

I don’t exactly mind but it’s not ideal either. I miss summer. It’s much less complicated than winter. Winter, one has to worry about wind and chills and snows blocking roads, black ice, dry skin, freezing fingers.

Summer: there’s just a lot of sun, wind, bugs, and the vaguest notion of being bored.

Look, I love winter. It’s my favourite season. It’s quiet and gorgeous and dreamy, even though it gets dreary in New York. The snow falls slowly sometimes, Christmas is gorgeous here, and I’d rather be cold than sweating buckets, and there are no bugs to bother me. Also, it gives me a good reason to stay in the labs or in my room where it’s warm and toasty.

I just miss the relative simplicity when James and I were just strangers on the edge of being friends, which is, in retrospect, a selfish reason to like one season and hate another.

Well, some philosopher somewhere probably said something about humanity being selfish.

.

Dec. 16/20

Dear Jane,

T-minus nine days until the party.

No date in sight.

Maybe I’ll ask Anderson from HR. We had coffee together a few times and he’s nice. Good catch: smart, not too bad looking, and really nice. I’ll head down tomorrow and ask.

Alpine had purred when I told him my plan and headbutted my hand, so I guess I got the Alpine-Seal-of-Approval.

.

Dec. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Operation: Ask Anderson from HR to Tony’s Christmas Party failed. Granted, it could’ve been because that was a god awful title and that that name, in itself, prophesied catastrophic failure, but also because I was accosted by my best friend.

I wish I meant Sam.

Nope. James caught me in the elevator and we made small talk. Sounds fine, right? Then we turned the topic to the party. Talked about clothes and prospective celebrity appearances and drinks and food. Just about everything, so might as well turn to talks about dates, which meant I had to explain why I was in the elevator in the first place.

Going down to ask Anderson ended in James revealing that he didn’t have a date either.

He doesn’t know who Anderson is, which I thought would be the case, and he popped the question before the doors opened.

Notice how I said “didn't” have a date.

Guess who’s going to the party with James, clearly stated as friends, platonic soulmates, etc.?

Me.

Yippee.

.

Dec. 18/20

Dear Jane,

It’s 3:42AM and I’m in the rec room as usual. I was gonna not write here today but it normally helps me sleep to just write a bit, get what little thoughts are in my head out. Yeah.

I hear James in the kitchen talking to Alpine and it’s making me smile like an idiot.

Oh, shit, he knows I’m in here. He’s making milkshakes.

I am morally obligated by best friend duties to join him.

Goodnight, Jane.

.

Dec. 24/20

Dear Jane,

I’m not sleeping with James Buchanan Barnes tomorrow night.

This is a resolute promise. An early New Year’s resolution.

.

Dec. 25/20

Dear Jane,

Merry Christmas! 

In between jovial festivities, I’ve finally found a little nook that’s quiet enough to write in. We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, went skating and just lounged around, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Need to recharge the old social battery.

Among the assortment of gifts is one that stands out to me. James got me a gift that said “Open When Alone” and I did before I started this entry and it was a fucking necklace. Like, a gorgeous one. It’s gold and thin and it feels wonderful. There’s a little cat paw charm on it and it’s so pretty because he has a matching bracelet for himself and I have still not yet recovered.

It’s just so sweet and it reminds me why I love him.

Yes, love has made me unbelievably sappy. I just heaved the biggest sigh in history.

Unfortunately, I have to go earlier tonight. To the party, as written in previous entries. I remember my oath of one-night celibacy and I intend on keeping it, despite how fucking endearing this gift was, because he said it best: we’re just friends. I’m not about to coerce my best friend into sleeping with me out of a piteous, unrequited love. That’s just gross.

You will either see me hungover tomorrow, or very drunk later tonight. It’s all very depending on how this night turns out.

.

Dec. 26/20

Dear Jane,

Fuck.

P.S. He REALLY does not mind me calling him James. Take that as dirtily or as clandestinely as you wish.

.

Dec. 27/20

Dear Jane,

I spent the entire day in bed with very pleasurable company.

I am SO GLAD we haven’t gotten called in because James doesn’t leave unless to go to sleep in his own bed or to eat, and I do NOT want to explain to the team that James fucked my brains out for two days straight because my heart is bursting.

He’s a good kisser. His lips are soft.

Intimate knowledge of that is now burned into my memory for future reference.

God, this is a dream come true. He doesn’t even question it, he just

It’s like I’m a goddess to him. He treats me like one, at least, and it’s like he’ll do anything I ask. And we act like it’s normal, too. Midnight trips to the kitchen included.

Best Christmas ever.

.

Dec. 28/20

Dear Jane,

I feel like I’m ignoring you but I’m also having the best sex of my life. He’s just… so fucking good and it’s a holiday and holy shit my mind is blown.

Love at first meeting isn’t real.

Well, maybe this one time, it was destiny.

.

Dec. 29/20

Dear Jane,

It isn’t just the sex, you know? It’s the pillowtalk, too. He just makes me laugh so much and everything is so easy between us and it feels real. Popcorn and chips in bed, some mojitos, just each other’s presence. It’s enough like that, you know?

Some quote about how the one you love should be both your lover and your best friend is in my head but I’m too lazy to look it up. James’ head is in my lap and he’s just reading while I’m writing and everything seems perfect.

He doesn’t ask what I’m writing because he knows it’s private and I trust him.

This is perfect.

I think I really am IN love with him.

.

Jan. 1/21

You know that cliché/tradition of New Year’s kisses?

WELL THEN.

Best (and worst) New Year’s ever. I’ll explain more later. I’m too tired and too angry and also sore and bruised.

See you when I’m not hungover.

.

Jan. 5/21

Dear Jane,

I’m finally stable enough to write.

In a crazy turn of events, Barnes and I got into a fight because of what happened after New Year’s Day’s events: I caught him leaving before I woke up and at first, curious questions ensued, and it wasn’t a fight but then it became one and I don’t even know how it happened. I wasn’t even mad. He just started being weird and I got annoyed and we tried and failed to keep our voices down. Luckily, my room is pretty soundproof.

Things just got out of hand and I feel like tearing my hair out. I wanna storm up to him and just yell some more.

Tony came into my room and didn’t say shit about my hickies and the fact that James is avoiding me like the plague. He gave me a really good hug, though and then gave me a few weeks off extra. I don’t know how he knows, but then again, it’s Tony.

He just said love’s tough sometimes.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I’m thinking about just taking a long vacation and disappearing. It seems like a good route to take at this point.

.

Jan. 6/21

Dear Jane,

James is looking at me right now as I write this. I wonder if I should look back or if he’s going to come up to me. We’ll see.

I’m only writing this so it seems like I’m busy. I’m running out of things to say, honestly. Can he just go? What’s the point in staring like that? What’s the point?

I could ask myself the same question. What’s the point in loving someone who’ll never love you? Yeah, he’s sleeping with me but he pulls away every time I try to do something more. Outside the bubble of my room and the small time frame of post-11PM to around 4:45AM, he acts like he’s allergic to intimacy.

It was never like that with ex-Girlfriend.

Maybe it’s something to do with me.

I don’t know, but he keeps looking and I want to get up and leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna let him win.

.

Jan. 6/21

He didn’t. He just went out. Sam and Steve asked if I was okay because as soon as he left, I got up for the bathroom and screamed into a towel.

I don’t think either of them knows what’s going on, but they have a notion.

.

Jan. 9/21

Dear Jane,

He apologized. Still no explanation as to why, but it feels weird.

I told him I’m going on a vacation to Switzerland. Go skiing or something and asked if he wanted to come.

It was stupid to ask, but he said yes.

Shit.

.

Jan. 14/21

Dear Jane,

Switzerland is lovely.

No work is relaxing. Awkwardness between me and the other traveller on this vacation. Weather’s supposed to be nice when we get there. Sunny snow days, pretty mountains, other Swiss things.

No other comment.

.

Jan. 21/21

Dear Jane,

I lasted all of a week.

Yep, I slept with him again, and yes, he was back in his hotel bed come sunrise.

I dunno. I’m over it. We don’t apologize and hope everything gets back to normal because neither of us want to say anything to ruin it any further and we both have a major fear of the complicated. To be fair, he said he didn’t want to sleep with me if I was completely against it.

Also, I tried calling him Bucky at dinner like ex-Girlfriend (and everyone else) does and he made the most disgusted face.

He said, and I quote, “Bucky? When did I stop being James?”

I told him I was trying something out and he said it failed. Snarky bastard.

I guess if he’s still James, that must mean I’m still special.

That’s the Tony-inherited ego talking.

But it does make me exceptionally happy to play with the idea that I’m special to him. Best friend with convoluted benefits. Sounds like the title of a very long-winded self-help book that doesn’t really help much but that does sound like the story of my life so I can’t complain too much.

We’re going home in a few days.

I’ll probably sleep with him again. Bet Steve’s shield that I do.

.

Jan. 24/21

Dear Jane,

I get three Steve’s shields because I was right every single fucking day.

He’s like a habit I can’t quite kick and don’t really want to.

We snuggled afterwards last night. His arm was around my shoulders, we were naked, I was resting my head on his chest. For a moment, it felt like something couples do and then I fell asleep and woke up alone.

Quantum physics is easier to understand than this but I think we’re being mutually exclusive right now, so it’s almost dating.

I dunno. I don’t mind it anymore. It’s better than nothing.

.

Feb. 2/21

Dear Jane,

I’m absolutely miserable.

I’m still getting laid, but that’s not related. Correlation and causation or something.

Why is New York so dreary and when can everything just stop?

I don’t know. Winter is ending and now it’s in that awful transition phase between seasons and it’s mucky and rainy and disgusting. Tony got these limited edition ice cream flavours though so I’m gonna ask James if we can make milkshakes out of them or something.

He doesn’t like the muck either. That’s not really relevant, I guess.

.

Feb. 14/21

Dear Jane,

I got flowers and chocolate from the department because I think they can sense I’ve been in a bad mood since forever. Then, there was an anonymous delivery and inside was this gorgeous chain bracelet that matches the necklace sort of. I lied and told the department it was from Pepper.

What a wretched holiday.

Yours truly.

.

Feb. 18/21

Dear Jane,

Normally, when boys get their haircut, they look ugly for a day or two after.

Not James.

He got his hair cut shorter and he looks really good. Like unbelievably good. Short hair fits him just as much as long hair does.

No other observations.

.

Feb. 25/21

Dear Jane,

It was Morgan’s birthday party today. James came in one of those brown jackets with the sheepskin wool inside and he looked so good. We mainly stayed apart to prevent any dalliance because one does not disappear from the Madame Secretary’s birthday party and the team doesn’t really know what’s happening behind the scenes except for Nat and Tony, really.

I really wanted to kiss him in front of our friends. I caught him staring a few times, and every time, the smile seemed to vanish off his face.

I’m lying in bed and it feels pretty empty.

It occurs to me that I’ve been in love for a pretty long time and I’m not even in a relationship with the guy.

Energy could’ve been devoted to so many other things and I’d hate being in love if it weren’t for the fact that it’s James.

Again, love making me sappy and all that.

.

Feb. 28/21

Dear Jane,

Jane is such a common name. Some would call it plain yet it means gift from God.

I wonder if James knew that.

.

Mar. 10/21

Dear Jane,

It’s James’ birthday. Birthday sex is a requirement and a desire. I also got him a gift which is a pair of new black Timbs. I hope he likes them. I’m excited for cake, I guess. Morgan did my makeup but I’m gonna have to wipe it off for the small little party tonight.

I think, ordinarily, I’d be in knots because it’s James’ birthday and I love him and he’s my best friend, but I just don’t know. March is fairly boring and contemplative and rainy. Work is work. Helen Cho did a presentation on her Cradle technology. Very cool.

.

Mar. 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s raining and doesn’t feel like spring. Alpine vomited on my bed a few days ago because he’s not feeling well. James and I took him to the vet and he’s on antibiotics. Poor boy. He’s sleeping in the corner of my room right now while James is away on a mission. I think I’ll just work from my room for a bit until he’s feeling better.

Nothing much to report, which is why I didn’t write anything. The month passed by too quickly. James should be back by the end of the month. I miss him and not because of the sex. No one else who doesn’t work for me or pays me listens to me ramble on their own free will. Talking to screens just isn’t the same.

.

April 1/21

James got back really early this morning and I, by tradition, was awake. I sort of wish I wasn’t though. In true April Fool’s tradition, I made fun of him for being a day late to which he genuinely apologized. I told him to shower and get to sleep but he was in that mood where you’re so exhausted you’re wide awake.

James suggested we make really strong cocktails for each other as a celebration for an extraction mission completed successfully.

Who am I to say no to celebrating?

He really likes grapefruit juice so I made a REALLY strong Grapefruit Paloma. He made this really interesting drink that was purple and tasted like oranges and cranberries. A lot of blue curacao was in it so it was pretty bitter but it hit like a fucking truck which is probably why I didn’t understand anything he said at first.

He told me he loved me.

I think, somehow, he managed to get drunk after the Grapefruit Paloma and two more bottles of vodka. Don’t ask me how because Steve NEVER gets drunk. Maybe HYDRA-brand serum is faulty? I don’t know.

I asked if he knew what date it was. He laughed really loudly, said no, realized, stuttered apologies and then said it again.

It was the most perfect sound in the world and it was the best moment in recent history.

Or, the sickest practical joke.

Consensus not yet reached.

.

April 2/21

Dear Jane,

I asked if he remembered what happened yesterday morning.

He did not.

Sickest practical joke confirmed.

.

April 9/21

Dear Jane,

I’ve been avoiding writing because I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing. Everything is abysmal and James’ confession is all I can think about. Tony’s on my ass about slipping and he has half the mind to put me on paid leave until I get my shit together, both as the head of the department and as an agent.

Drunk words are sober thoughts, all that garbage.

I wish I could live my whole life drunk and honest. Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation where I’m stuck in eternal limbo with my best friend whom I’m in love with. Minus the drunk part.

Duty demands I return to this weathered journal until it’s finished so we’ll see. I might be back this month. Maybe not.

.

May 1/21

Dear Jane,

It rained a lot in April so now the flowers are blooming early. April showers bring May flowers. Guess it has some merit to it.

Limbo sucks. Its inescapable nature, its terrible facade of everything seeming fine when it really isn’t.

Of course, James still makes me smile, but nothing seems really okay when I let myself stop for a second.

I’m going out with Steve to a charity thing tomorrow. Should be a few hours worth of not thinking and free booze. Oh, and James and I made out in one of the quinjets after dinner today.

Felt weird considering we aren’t a couple, but it happened spontaneously as that is the nature of our relationship, it appears.

The cause also happens to be the cure of melancholy. Weird.

.

May 6/21

Dear Jane,

For context, it’s 5:23AM.

Went for a walk in Madison Square and then Central Park with James yesterday, although in my head it’s still today. We met up with Nat for some training at the gym. Got a bit mobbed by fans and the paps who asked if we were dating like we’re the tabloid’s biggest scoop.

We weren’t even holding hands, but I guess it’s just another reason why we shouldn’t be TOGETHER together in public.

We had another deep stuff talk again in bed after the usual business. I wanted to ask what this is between us and if he’s pursuing other options, because I’m not and I wanted to know if I should, but I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.

He was in a good mood today, and seeing as sometimes he has nightmares, I thought it was best I don’t ruin it. He thinks I don’t notice but how do I not notice? He’s my best friend.

I kissed his cheek when he got up to leave and he kissed me goodbye on the lips.

I guess that means something.

.

May 17/21

Dear Jane,

In a moment of complete boredom, I listened to Imagine Dragons’ new album. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but Sharon thought it could’ve been better. Whatever.

.

May 22/21

Dear Jane,

Ran into ex-Girlfriend today. She still has that whole sunshine thing going on still. We had coffee and she asked if I got together with James yet.

I choked on my coffee and nearly died on the spot.

That’s how I learned that James apparently broke it off softly and ex-Girlfriend had, very wisely and knowingly, said that he should chase the apple of his eye before I (the apple) rotted alone and forgotten at the trunk of the tree. Or, as any sane person would say (and ex-Girlfriend DID say), get picked from the tree by another hand.

She said it was quite obvious that I was in love with James even months ago. She also thanked me for being so nice, anyway, and that it must’ve been difficult. What a fucking SAINT.

I set her up with a date with Steve because they have the same energy, honestly, and that’s going down on the 26th barring any emergencies.

Call me Cupid, but I think I just constructed the perfect match made in heaven.

Mentioned this meeting to James minus the apple detail. He asked if she was doing okay, which she was, and seemed glad for that. Between kisses and his sneaking hand beneath the covers, he also asked if there was anything else. Not really much to say on that front.

.

June 3/21

Dear Jane,

It’s starting to dry up consistently, now. It’s getting warmer, too. Sam brought me flowers and told me to at least turn the air-con on if I was gonna be stuck in the lab all day. Oh, the simplicities of summer are hopefully returning. Got out early and hung out with Morgan at the park in the evening.

It’s nice to hang out with someone so blissfully unaware with the stupidity of love. All Morgan cares about is grass and buttercups she grabs from the ground. She doesn’t have to worry about how to tell the guy she’s in love with that she loves him.

Oh, didn’t you hear? Nat said I should just buck the fuck up and tell him.

And Nat is scary when not listened to.

Much to brainstorm about.

.

June 14/21

Dear Jane,

Just here to brainstorm some ideas for future Stark Industries projects and thought I’d preface it with a small diary entry. Nothing really happened. Work’s catching up for some reason and bad guys are acting up. I’ve pulled a few all nighters, not gonna lie.

Really tired, but in a good, productive way. Haven’t thought much on the James front. Gonna have to focus on that after everything calms down.

.

June 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s officially summer and yet today was awful with only subtle hints of being okay.

So much for simplicity.

In the evening, I read on the hammock on the balcony. No one really bothered me except James, but he’s never a bother.

Steve and ex-Girlfriend (who will now be reidentified as Girlfriend) are pretty cute, and she meshes well with the group. There’s nothing really awkward between her, James, or me, so I guess two people’s summers are going well. Bully for them.

Didn’t really eat. Was too busy working. James got me dinner. Didn’t feel right and just kept working. This whole agreement between us has been very flexible but we really need to fit in a session soon.

I’ll make it work somehow.

.

June 22/21

Dear Jane,

I got my wish and didn’t at the same time. We spent the whole day in the sheets (very blissfully relaxing) and I, stupidly and with very little sleep, let it slip.

In less elegant terms, I told him I loved him. It felt very real and genuine and very-out-of-a-movie, but his reaction was less so.

What did I say? Allergic to intimacy.

He tried to play it off as best friends and even that was uncomfortable, but I, very seriously and very foolishly, corrected him that “no, James Buchanan Barnes, I am IN LOVE with you.”

He left a few minutes ago, saying something about heading down to the gym, but I know he’s just trying to avoid me.

God, how am I so stupid?

.

June 25/21

Dear Jane,

I haven’t seen James in a few days. I thought he was avoiding me but turns out he’s out of the country. Something about protection for whatever dignitary is travelling at the end of the month. I don’t know.

I wasn’t assigned to that op so the details weren’t shared liberally. Sam just said it’d be a while during the ambassador’s entire stay. High threat level which is why the Avengers were contracted.

I just hope he stays safe. I know he probably took off to take his mind off things, but I don’t know how he’s focusing when all I can think of is those three little words.

I love you.

Seems so fake the more I hear it in my head, but his reaction was so real that I think I might’ve just irreversibly messed things up.

.

July 12/21

Dear Jane,

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. If future me finds this with blotted words, it’s because I am indeed crying while writing this.

James was medically evac’ed last night and transferred back to New York. Helen Cho was flown in from her medical conference in Minnesota where she was showcasing the newest version of the Cradle.

There was an assasination attempt and James is fucked up bad.

Holy shit, I’m so scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s like an invisible demon has my heart in his claw-like hands and he’s squeezing with all his might. I think my heart might explode.

I just want to hold his hand but he’s so high risk no one’s allowed to see him right now.

The waiting room is too quiet. Steve’s holding on to Girlfriend’s hand so hard I think her bones are broken but she’s taking it like a champ. Nat’s pacing, slowly patting a sleeping Morgan who she’s carrying. Sam and Tony are talking about stuff.

It’s too quiet.

I’m so scared.

.

July 13/21

They got him into the Cradle. Thank God. I think I might cry some more out of relief, but he was conscious for a few minutes earlier and he’s stable now.

It’s really late at night but they extended privileges to me to stay with him so I’m just sitting here, writing. Listening to the Cradle do its thing and the monitors do theirs.

When he was conscious, I was with him. He said some stuff under his breath but the one thing I could make out was “I’m an idiot.”

Granted, he’s right. It was supposed to be Steve or Tony on that mission. You know, people with more defense op experience, but he had to go out and volunteer himself.

I feel sort of guilty.

It’s partially my fault, isn’t it?

I think I’ll try to tuck in for tonight. I wanna be awake when he wakes up, too.

.

July 14/21

Dear Jane,

James woke up today. He’s still in the Cradle (lots of internal damage spread throughout the body) but he’s conscious. He saw me and immediately tried to sit up which was sweet, but when he couldn’t, he just told me to come closer and then told me that he loved me.

I called him an idiot for running away. I told him he really scared me. I told him that I loved him so fucking much. I told him that I feel so guilty and he just held my face and said that it will never be my fault.

He’s so fucking romantic, even when he’s lying down with a wound being stitched closed live in front of my eyes.

Oh, and he kissed me. I don’t think I noticed how much I actually missed him until that moment.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s a mixture between super happy and super scared and super, super warm inside. Summer might be looking up.

.

July 18/21

Dear Jane,

We got home today. James is staying in my room. The team doesn’t say anything about it. We’re best friends, after all, but I think they’ve known for a long time that there’s something more. Some of them are just too polite to say so.

I won’t have much time to write over the next couple of days. James has to be kept on a strict, extremely healthy diet and medicine regime.

I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s home.

He’s kissing me a lot more, now. Alpine likes the fact that his two humans are now in the same room. He purrs so loudly, I can hear him from where he’s dozing, curled up underneath James’ chin. He (James) is resting after his second round of antibiotics for the day while I work from my room, and sometimes I catch myself looking back just to make sure he’s okay.

I’m going to go kiss him now.

Be right back.

.

July 21/21

Dear Jane,

It’s almost Nat’s birthday (the 26th). Super exciting. James is back on solids and I’m helping him around with walking. Even with the Cradle and the healing factor, he’s still super banged up, so it’s better safe than sorry.

We had a really long talk about love and stuff. It’s good to finally have it out in the open. It was mostly me talking about my side of things and he just nodded a lot. I know he was listening though.

We also kissed a lot, like seventeen year old couples who are heavy on the PDA, but within the privacy of my room. I dunno. I like the heat of his arms and the way he kisses the shell of my ear when he’s bored or it’s a commercial break.

It feels very natural.

I am very much in love with him.

I tell him that and he always looks skeptical, but whatever. He doesn’t have to say it back (I tell him that there’s no pressure) and he’ll get it through his thick skull eventually that he’s now stuck with me.

.

July 25/21

Dear Jane,

We made cookies in the early AM as tradition for the party tomorrow and I told him that I love him (again, but this time he didn’t run, nor has he the past few times. Fantastic).

While the cookies were baking, he explained everything on his side of the story: how he was scared to be vulnerable, how opening up to me is just different and new and scary and I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to think you don’t deserve good things and sabotage feels like the only way to save everyone from hurt.

He smiled a lot more after that. I guess he’s just glad I get it.

One day, I’ll successfully convince James that he deserves everything good this world has to offer.

Until then, I’ll just keep trying.

P.S. He said, with less hesitation than the first time, that he loves me, too. Best. Day. Ever.

P.P.S. The cookies are so good and I want to devour them all. I could barely stop James from eating all of them. Again: Best. Day. Ever.

.

July 26/21

Dear Jane,

In summary of today:

Happy birthday, Natasha.

James has been given the clear bill of health which is exciting. Also, I asked him about the Jane and gift of God thing.

He knew. “Intuition” and all that. He also said I looked “like a royal dame” in my swimsuit. Smug idiot just trying to be charming.

I love him and that’s the only reason it works.

Back to the festivities.

.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

Good morning to you and to James who’s still in my bed at a ripe 6:23AM, fast asleep.

Progress. Now, back to sleep.

.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

It’s now 9:49AM and James greeted me with orange juice and waffles. He said I was cute when I slept. Creep.

He also said he tried so many times to stay in my bed after, before we were like we are now, but he never could, and now he’s upset that he missed out on my cute sleeping/waking up for the day face every time he did so.

He is exceptionally cute when he’s pouting.

I think we’re officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’ll work out the semantics on that later. For now, it’s another summer day together. He suggested Chinese takeout for dinner because I have to go dip back into the lab later today to check on some samples.

I agreed and he kissed me in promise like it was our “thing.” I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

Massive progress.

.

July 28/21

Dear Jane,

He told me I was the only one for him.

Also, he kissed me in front of our friends for the first time. Natasha yelled “FINALLY” and pushed us into the pool. Sam laughed and then I grabbed him and threw him into the pool. Ensuing: a water fight for the ages.

For a day: 10/10

.

July 31/21

Hey Jane,

I think I’m happy.

I’m sorry I ever doubted the effects of writing down my feelings.

James has a romantic trip to uptown planned for our first date and he said it’ll take the whole day so I thought I’d get this entry in the morning. I dunno. It’s really early and the happy thought was the first thing that came to my head.

Weird, but it’s a good weird.

See you in a bit.

[aquietwritingcorner]

Flufftober 2021, Day 1: Winning a Teddy for the Other Word Count: 1606 Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating: K/G Characters: Olivier Mira Armstrong, Captain Buccaneer Warning: Summary: Olivier and Buccaneer don’t take kindly to soldiers who bully civilians, even when they’re not on duty. Notes: Take this as you will. It could be romantic. It could be friendship. Even I’m not sure. That part is up to interpretation! AO3 || ff.net

_________________________

Winning a Teddy for the Other

“Festivals are the best!”

Olivier glanced over at her captain with a raised eyebrow and amused quirk of her lips as they walked along the festival lane, not in their military uniforms, but rather in civilian clothes. A meeting in North City that required both of their expertise had brought them down from Fort Briggs. Buccaneer, knowing that it would be the same time as the Winter Festival, had insisted on taking some civilian clothing to go out and enjoy it. Olivier had been to this festival a couple of times in her tenure at Briggs, and so had decided to join him. He had packed a warm sweater, trousers and a thick coat for the winter festival, and she had carried along a long woolen skirt, warm top and thick coat and fashionable hat for it. She had looked forward to going, pulling her hair back in a braid to enjoy the festival.

She just hadn’t realized that Buccaneer would be like a kid in a candy shop.

“You certainly seem to be making the best of it,” she said, amused at him.

He grinned down at her. “We don’t get things like this at Briggs very often! Besides, look at all the different people! Kids and families,” he glanced at a group of giggling girls that walked by them, enjoying themselves, “the pretty girls all dressed up.” He looked back at her. “You can’t tell me that you’re not enjoying yourself at least a bit, General.”

“No, no you’re right. I am enjoying myself. The food here is much better for one,” she said, reaching into the bag of warm sugared nuts she had bought. She had already sampled the food of several different booths, enjoying the verity of flavors. There wasn’t much verity of food at Briggs, and sometimes she missed that, especially having grown up with so much of it at her fingertips.

Buccaneer grinned again and looked around. “Hey, look—its one of those booths where you can win a prize if you shoot the most targets.”

Olivier glanced in the direction he was indicating. “It is,” she said. Her eyes narrowed, though, as she saw who was at the stall. “Aren’t those Colonel Dentis’s men?”

Buccaneer stopped and looked at the men. “Yeah,” he said, his voice serious. “Yeah, I think it is.”

They both watched for a moment as the men in question harassed the others who lost to them. Even though the words couldn’t be heard, it was clear to see that they were taunting the other players when they lost, even the children. It was equally clear that the booth owner would have preferred that they leave. They stayed, though, seemingly enjoying what they were doing. Olivier didn’t like it. Soldiers should be helping the civilian population, not making children upset.

“I don’t like that,” Buccaneer said.

She watched as a young boy, clearly upset, went back to his father. The father talked to the boy for a moment, then went over to the soldiers. He was clearly angry himself, but controlled, and Olivier could respect that. They watched as he crossed over to the soldiers, trying to talk to them. It was clear to see from the posturing that things weren’t going to go well, as the soldiers started to square off against the father.

Olivier’s hand tightened on the sword she still wore. She wasn’t going to stand for this! Before Olivier could go over there herself, though, Buccaneer moved, making his way over. Curious as to what he was going to do, she followed, staying close enough to hear, but far enough away not to draw attention to herself.

“—cause your son can’t beat us. It’s a game. If he can’t handle loosing then he shouldn’t play!” one of the soldiers said.

“He’s ten. You ridiculed him. And you’ve been here all night. Give someone else a chance.” The dad replied, keeping is voice even.

“Yeah? Tell you what—you beat one of us, and we’ll move on. But I bet you can’t do that—we’re part of the sniper corps.” The soldier was smug, looking down on the father.

“I’ll take you on,” Buccaneer interrupted the argument, and all of the men looked up at him.

“What?” one of the soldiers said.

Buccaneer was already reaching for a gun and settling on a stool. “I said I’d take you on. But when I beat you, you have to move on.”

The soldiers bristled at that, and Olivier couldn’t help the quirk that reached her lips. He had baited them with the “when” not “if” and they had responded.

The others glanced at each other. “Fine,” one of them said. “But there’s no way you’ll beat us.”

Buccaneer shot them an unsettling grin. “Let’s find out.”

Olivier could see that it worked, the men shifting a bit, but they made their way to the stools and picked up their own guns.  Olivier leaned on a pole, watching, eating her sugared nuts. She wasn’t worried. She was confident how this would end.

Few people knew it, but Cromward Buccaneer was as good a shot as an average sniper, if not a bit better. His bulk though, didn’t lend itself to sniping very well, and so his typical position was more of a physical one. But Olivier knew well that he kept his skills sharp. She smirked and watched the show.

The game started. The men all started shooting. Targets came by and shots rang out. Targets went down, one after another, some almost as fast as they went up. It was clear from the frustrated look on the faces of Colonel Dentis’s men that most of the shots weren’t coming from them. Within a few minutes, all of the targets were down, and the game was over.

“Ah, guns down,” the owner of the booth said, just a little nervously. “The most targets were taken down by the new gentleman. He is the winner.”

“No way!” of the others said, throwing down his gun. “I call foul!” He pointed at the booth owner. “You’re lying!”

“It was fair and square,” Buccaneer said, slowly standing up. “I bet you.” He grinned. “All of you.”

The leader of the pack puffed up, posturing. “There’s no way you could beat us. No one can. We’re the best here.”

Olivier stepped forward then. “He can if he’s a Briggsman,” she said, her voice harsh.

“What—” one of them started, and then took note of the sword on her side, and the look she was giving him. He paled. “General Armstrong—” he dropped into a salute. “Sir!”

The other two with him followed suit, but she didn’t return the salute, forcing them to keep it up. “Briggsmen are required to meet the highest of standards. We can’t afford to consider back up. Everyone of my men is an excellent shot. Only the most elite are better than them. And you clearly aren’t the most elite.”

She walked up to them, handing her bag of nuts to Buccaneer, who took it without complaint.

“Attention, men!” They dropped their salutes to stand at attention. “You’re Colonel Dentis’s men, are you not?” she demanded.

“Yes, sir!” the leader said.

“And part of the sniper corps?”

“Yes, sir!”

“And you spend your time harassing children at a carnival game?” she growled out. “You call my Briggsmen monkeys and insult them, but you have manners no better than a common thug!”

It wasn’t really a question and the men knew it.

“Rank and name, soldiers!”

“Major Willis Madlyn!”

“First Lieutenant Evan Jeremies!”

“Captain Wes Oistvue!”

“Know this—your commanding officer will know of your disgraceful behavior here. Now get out!”

The men saluted and then practically scrambled over themselves to leave. Olivier snorted. “They have no scruples.” She glanced at Buccaneer. “If you had lost, you’d have walked back to the fort.”

He grinned. “Then it’s a good thing I didn’t lose.”

“Excuse me, sir?”

The booth owner interrupted them. He was approaching them, a teddy bear in his hands. “Thank you. And here. It’s your prize for winning.” He handed the bear over to Buccaneer with a grateful smile. “Even if you don’t want it, maybe your girl or someone.”

Buccaneer looked at it, and then over at the father and the kid, who had been watching. He turned towards them, kneeling down and offering it out to the kid. “Hey—why don’t you take it? I don’t have a reason to keep it.”

The boy, though, shook his head, grinning widely. “No thanks, Mister! I wanna win one myself, like you did! That was so cool!”

Buccaneer blinked at the boy, then smiled. “Yeah? I bet you can!”

The boy enthusiastically agreed, and the father nodded his thanks. The exchange over, Olivier and Buccaneer turned to walk away and enjoy the rest of the festival. Olivier took her sugared nuts back as the two walked.

“What are you going to do with that?” she asked him after a moment, nodding at the bear.

Buccaneer looked at it, and then thrust it into her arms. “You keep it,” he said.

She took the bear, startled. “Me?”

“Yeah,” Buccaneer said. “The man did say to give it to a girl. Besides, you already have a bunch of bears at your command. What’s one more?”

Olivier rolled her eyes at him but tucked the bear under her arm as they enjoyed the rest of the festival.

But if he ever saw that bear sitting on a shelf in her quarters at Briggs, well, he never said anything about it. And neither did she.

[enigmas-artdeck]

The Cold Felt Familiar

(Skitters in) HEY Y'ALL WANT ANGST?

Related to this, it’s quite the time with his bud, but not for long~. Buckle up buckaroos, angst is coming.

Also on AO3!

He should've seen it coming, he's used the same trick before. Promises of improvement, strength, power-

"Wouldn't it be wonderful to get him back? You were so close back then, before he was granted his empty title-"

He'd wanted nothing more to burst in and pull 2 havocs in Heaven himself for the sheer disrespect from the Heavenly Court. Bi Wa Men, a lowly stable keeper, wasn't a wonder why he stormed out. Oh yeah, giving him the title Great Sage, Equal to Heaven, only as a way to keep him complacent, that won't turn out bad at all.

"-Being trapped under Five-Finger Mountain-"

He swore, he screamed, he declared, he did everything without care for volume and respect once he found out about the imprisonment. Scoured that mountain for decades, never finding a trace of his friend anywhere. Ran himself raw, searching and pleading for anything or anyone to grant him mercy and let him find his lost companion.

They never did like him anyway.

 "-Going on the journey with Golden Cicada and his disciples-"

His blood boiled at that, the journey being the sole reason Wukong was…different. He was still impulsive and hearty, going to Heaven for bi-yearly fights, unafraid to fight anything, chaotic as ever. 

But in the fight at the mountains, after stealing Monkie Kid's powers, he knew Wukong was holding back. He heard all the tales (however scrambled they became over the centuries), and had seen himself the power he held. He could've leveled the area and be done with the dispute in mere minutes. They fought, that's true, but the only reason he was beat was because of the kid.

Wukong didn't even have the dignity to strike him down himself, relying on a trainee who'd needed his powers locked up.

It was downright laughable, nay, pathetic at how Wukong was holding back because of one journey.

"-Before he struck you dead."

Oh. 

Ah, the one experience he had with death. The one where even after blotting out and ripping his name from the book had him checking over his shoulder and hiding in the shadows for a century in f- caution. It was that long before he realized Wukong did the same thing and no one went after him again (the others don't count, that was Heaven trying to remove his immortality).

Every time he saw his scar, he couldn't help but flinch. It still seemed fresh, still felt raw. His red facial marking didn't help either. (Keeping the glamor was second nature to him after all these centuries. He likes causing nightmares, not having them.)

Wukong didn't hold back then.

He took a deep breath, frosty air chilling his lungs as he turned to the young girl holding the spirit whispering promises laced with shards of ice and flakes of snow.

"Deal." He sneered.

(Macaque didn't want to think about the freezing light crawling down his throat. Too familiar. Too frightening.)

θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ 

Having a body mate was weird, but he learned to tune it out for the most part. Acquiring her ice abilities gave him an edge no one saw, and having her on energy sensory lookout helped with telling who's who and keeping tabs on the shady folk. Added a bonus in battle since she could warn him of any ambushers.

Though there were a couple...nitpicks he had.

Macaque had noticed with each new shadow clone, they turned just the teeniest shade bluer, thankfully not visibly noticeable to other folk yet.

Oftentimes when he summoned his staff, the spikes were coated in thin layers of ice. He rather let the blood flow from his enemies, thank you (though he rarely did more than a passing glance).

Even his shadow smoke form was tinged blue, frost trailing up the wrapping adorning it.

No matter, Macaque could handle this, he was flexible in his strategies (certainly helped with stealing Sun Wukong's power from the kid.) He would rather do without the personal physical changes.

Despite how many layers he covered himself with, his fur and skin stayed cool to the touch. Was a great help in traveling to the warmer sections of the area. With the drawback of visiting anything below 15 °C intensifying the chill. 

His face marking, the brilliant red he associated with power, ferocity, hurt, had blue creeping along his eyes. It looked to be icing out in crystalline patterns if he got close enough to reflections.

And his scar, the reminder of why he didn't just remove the spirit he was housing, stayed iced over even in his current setup in the Flaming Mountains.

Ah well, a quick glamor could fix those up. Right now he needed to strategize a way to get Wukong off Flower Fruit Mountain, separating him from the kid and the menagerie. 

(Macaque rose from sleep littered with some cuts and bruising. Didn't notice his camp was a few miles closer to Flower Fruit Mountain. Couldn't notice the blue fading back into gold sclera.)

θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ 

"What the hell was that?"

Macaque snarled at his reflection, the outline of White Bone Spirit staring back at him with nonchalance.

"I helped you win the battle and retreat, is that not what you wanted?"

It was going so well, Wukong managed to be separated with a few shadow clones and simple visual and vocal glamours. The recent attack (more like stolen power-high frenzy. Paint crudely helped hide the Demon Bull family's emblem) from the Gold and Silver Demon Brothers managed to split the group up. It was a simple send off of the right fakes to the right area after they split.

Once Wukong was below and far enough, Macaque made his entrance discreetly, ambushing him just as the other caught wind of something off. 

And it was going great for a while, without his staff Wukong was forced to fight harder. Wasn't close to the levels of Wukong back in the day, but more than the mountain battle. And the sheer thrill of it, seeing his "bud" let loose more, feeling the higher thrum of energy, oh gloriously maddening!

At least until a quick quip about the fake Wukong acting his part of the plan slipped out. Macaque found himself with too warm a liquid dripping out of his nose and mouth, from a punch and kick respectively.

The clarity at which he saw the unfiltered rage made the haze feel less like fog and more like a spotlight.

It was touch and go for a bit after that, but after a harsh, nearly numbing kick had Macaque gasping for breath, he asked for a boost as he wide eyed the threatening advance.

Blinding blues and white crept over his vision's edge, making Wukong's painfully shocked and horrified face the last thing he saw. Macaque regretted calling his power forth.

"I wanted a power boost, not a power surge blackout!"

"You received the power, but you were already on the verge of blacking out. I'm sorry it made you do so-"

"Excuses, excuses, that won't change the fact of what happened." Macaque turned away, only his eyes giving away his surprise, coming face to face with the cyan glow of White Bone Spirit.

"...Since when could you do that?" 

"When I'm not active."

"'When I'm not-' you mean to tell me you can pop out willy nilly? You didn't tell me this before?" Exasperation dropped in his tone, squeezing his eyes shut in annoyance.

"It never came up, this situation is different from humans. With your power, I couldn't-"

"I don't care, you're out." Held up his hands, moving forward, wanting to be done and gone from her.

"I'm sorry-" She made no effort move out of his way, so he walked through. 

"I don't want an apology, I want you out, gone, see ya! Deal's off, get your ice and leave-!"

"-But the body isn't yours now." 

Realization dawned on him once he passed through. Macaque froze.

As in the body stopped responding to any movement he willed.

"Oh, what's wrong? Can't move what was yours?" Cyan and white passed around behind him, swirling in the air as she skimmed her chilled fingers up his neck.

"Well then, I suppose there isn't anything special about you." She cupped his face, drawing in close, her eyes filling his entire vision. In the cold white, he could see his own gold turn deep, icy blue.

"You're just a macaque with nothing left." With that she drew back into the body.

Hundreds of eyes gleamed from the shadows, some stretching out on shapes familiar- himself- but wrong. He willed his body to move forward, to turn, to fall, do anything to get him away from the twisted glowing outlines as they approached.

He didn't even so much as jolt when the screaming skeletal face flooded his internal vision, bringing an icy air with her. Forcing to stare at the eternally screaming maw, dark icy hands grabbed hold and pulled down, with him along. 

No sound left him, not even a gasp.

(The bleakness made him want to flee.)

(The chill made him want to scream.)

(The nothing made him want to cry.)

(Macaque did.)

θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ θ 

Wukong slammed into the volcano's side, smoke and ash obscuring his vision. Blue cut through the thick black, having him reach back into the lava. Red and black shot to the unwelcome color, but turned to white powder before reaching the target.

"Aw, what's wrong Great Sage?"

Okay, this was bad, this was wa-a-ay bad, but distance was key, if he could get distance he could vanish and regroup with MK-

When did the molten rock turn to ice?

Wukong feverishly tugged at his right side, the ice crawling up his limbs, spreading out over stone and lava alike.

He made the mistake of turning around.

 A blue eye with a pinprick snowflake iris nearly touched his own golden eye. Steam rose out past their fangs, doing nothing to help the chill rolling off.

"You look like you've seen a ghost!"

[dayseternal-blog]

Summary: Hinata and Naruto accidentally exchange gifts... Marching Band AU

Part 4 of a series of fluffy one-shots in Modern AU written for @badluckbrebis for NaruHina Secret Santa 2020!!

Rating: G

Merry Kiss-mas

Night falls on Konoha, but the park sounds far from empty.  The light and round tones of flutes and clarinets crowd the air, followed by the boisterous blasts of trombones, contrabass, and of course, their own, wonderfully noisy section, the trumpets.  They warm up their embouchures with willy nilly sounds, trying to keep boredom at bay as they wait for the Christmas parade to start.

Hinata, like any girl in love, looks for a reason to interact with her crush.  And the most recent, popular excuse the section has to come together is to learn the notes to the Super Mario Theme Song.

Yes, Naruto figured out how to play the song on his own time, thinking he’d earn some funny points and good attention from his friends.  He did not expect Hinata to be so into it.  He doesn’t think she even plays video games, but then again, she doesn’t seem like the typical type who would have chosen to play trumpet in the first place.

So, he figures he shouldn’t be that surprised that she would want to learn this, too.  She’s always doing unexpected things.  Plus, he’s not going to complain about having her attention, learning from him, and treating him like he’s such a good player.

She stands closely by him so that she can copy his fingering, and they play together the first few bars that he taught her.  At the end, she draws the trumpet away from her face, and he can see her smile sparkling at him in the dark.

“Yeahh!” he cheers, “That’s it!  You wanna learn the next part?”

“Mhm!  Thank you for teaching me.”

“No problem!”

“Twenty minutes!” Kurenai, their marching band instructor, calls out loudly over the din.  “Make sure you all go to the bathroom before the parade starts!  Take a partner!”

She doesn’t really want to use the park bathroom at night, but she thinks it might be a good idea to go.  “Actually, Naruto-kun, I think I should go to the bathroom.”

“Oh, okay.  I should go, too.”

In the dark, they find spots on the sidewalk to leave their instruments out of the way.

Hinata asks Sakura to go with her, too, and pretty soon, especially with Naruto heading over, the whole trumpet section is putting their instruments down for a bathroom break.

When she comes back, she automatically searches for her crush in the dark.

He’s skipping adorably over to their trumpets, and his energy is so infectious, she can’t help smiling as he finds his and immediately starts playing the silly Mario song again.

Hinata looks carefully at the trumpets.  She thought she put hers down next to Naruto’s, so judging by the space, hers should be...this one…  She squints at the instruments in the dark.  The shine of this trumpet doesn’t really look like hers.

Sakura picks her own trumpet up, her other section mates pick theirs up, and very quickly, the only one left on the ground is the one that she thought should be hers.

Shrugging her uncertainty away, she picks it up and starts rehearsing the song they’re about to play for the next hour on repeat as they march down the street.  Her pointer and ring finger sink into the keys, but…

The give is not quite right.  The weight of the whole instrument isn’t quite the same, either.  She tests the keys, pushing them down, considering the pressure and landing against the instrument, and…

This isn’t her trumpet.

Her eyes immediately go to Naruto, who’s in his own world, playing his own thing.  No, it can’t be.  He’d notice...right?

She asks each person, to very certain answers that they have the right one, or they put their trumpets down over there, not over there, and she’s coming to the very unfortunate conclusion that…

“Um, Naruto-kun?”

“Hm?  Yeah?  You ready for the next part?”

“Um.  No, I think…”  Her heart is so heavy with stress, and her skin feels so hot, and she’s just glad that it’s too dark for him to see her inflamed cheeks.

He looks at her curiously, and he looks at the trumpet in his hands, where her gaze is focused.  “Is something wrong?”

“I think I have your trumpet,” she finally manages to say.  She holds it up for him to look at it.

He gapes.  He looks at the one in her hands, he looks at the one in his hands.  He thought something felt off…

They quickly switch instruments, and she presses the keys, everything suddenly right with the world.

He’s doing the same, muttering, “Oh...oh yeah…”

“Hey,” Sakura says, coming up to them from behind, “did you find yours?”

“Oh, yes-”

Naruto tests his, playing a few notes aloud, finding all of it easier.  “Sorry, Hinata!  You’re right.  This one’s mine!”

Hinata’s mouth is dropped completely open.

He stares at her, trying to figure out this new expression.

“Um, I…”  She replays in her head how he so nonchalantly put his lips on where her lips had been, and how her lips had been where his lips had been.  How does she tell him that she didn’t wipe off his mouthpiece, yet??  “Naruto-kun…”

Sakura smiles hugely at them and then starts snickering.

Naruto tries to figure out what else could be wrong, but he has no idea as to why Sakura would be laughing about this.  Maybe he’s just not taking this seriously enough.  “I’m really sorry, Hinata.  I thought I grabbed mine.  I guess I couldn’t see in the dark.”

“Oh no, that’s not,...it’s okay, Naruto-kun, I, I couldn’t see, either.”  She decides right then and there that she’s not going to tell him.

Sakura bursts out laughing.  “I don’t think that’s why Hinata is so shocked, Naruto!”  She giggles some more, and Hinata turns to her with wide eyes.

“Sakura-chan-”

“Didn’t you play his a little, Hinata?”

“Only a little!”  She averts her eyes.

“Oh.”  Naruto stares at the top of Hinata’s head, and figures it out.  Everything.  Out.  “Oh.  Oh.  It’s okay.”

“...Okay,” she whispers, nods, chances a look up at him, and for once, she notices that he’s the one who can’t look her in the eyes.  The heat doubles down on her face, and she flees to Ino in the flute section.

Sakura stands there, laughing.

“It’s not funny!”  Naruto bumps her arm, but she only laughs harder.  “Stoop!” he whines and then groans, “You have to be kidding me…”

Sakura looks like she’s going to hyperventilate when she pauses between hiccuping giggles.  “I switched the instruments.”  She bursts into laughter again.

“You WHAT.”  He turns on her with a raging heat at his face, and despite everything, he almost wants to smile, but he’s squashing that urge with every fiber of his being.

“I didn’t think you actually wouldn’t notice, you doofus!”

“SAKURA!”

“WHO doesn’t notice??  You can’t blame me!”

“But what about Hinata?!  I spit all over her instrument!  And we left all our cleaning supplies in the bus!!”

She gives the most evil laugh, yet, and giggles out, “Merry Christmas to both of you!”

“Huh?!  That’s not-  That’s…”

“I knew it!  I knew it!”  She’s clapping, totally giving herself an applause, and even through his denials, she’s completely not listening.

Against his better judgment, his eyes search for her in the shadowed crowd as he turns Sakura's words over in his head.  There’s no way Hinata likes him...right?  She’s really cute, and he’s really not…

Light eyes that shine even in the dark turn directly at him, locking his searching gaze for a solid second, his heart leaping into his throat, and he turns away.

He's never felt so close to dying before.

“Uuhh-huh!” Sakura intones, way too knowingly.

“Shut up!”

“You liiike her.”

“No, I don’t!”

“Yes, you do.  You liked your present, didn't you,” Sakura practically sings.

“Noo!  No!"  He didn't think he was obvious about Hinata!  "Go away already!  Go torture someone else!”

“I’m just trying to help!  You know, next year, maybe I’ll figure out a way to get you a real kiss from Hinata.”

“NO!  I don’t want it!”

“What, yes, you do.”  She sounds way too self-assured for him to even dream of changing her mind.

Naruto makes a note to himself that he needs to stay away from Sakura at all costs.

And that if he can’t...

Maybe...next Christmas...

No, that's impossible, right?

[theycallmequeenie]

Not Strong enough to let go

Gabriel x Reader One Shot

Note: Gif not mine. Credit to the original creator/ owner which I believe is @astralgabriel but I may be incorrect. Kinda AU, established Gabriel x Reader romantic relationship. Established Reader x Winchester friendship. Set in season 13. Cannon level violence. Word count is at roughly 2140.

 Master List

Y/N had known the Winchesters for a couple of years now and through them she had been introduce to Gabriel. The pair had hit it off from the start and were now inseparable. Y/N before joining the Winchesters had studied theology which seemingly gave her an edge on dealing with some of the things the hunter’s life had to deal with and gave her and Gabriel something to talk about and bond over in a sense. She would always take down meticulous notes anytime Gabriel would finally open up about his family or his time in heaven.

Gabriel found some joy in talking with Y/N about the past. This was something that never happened with him before, He was at ease around her and he noted to himself that for him wasn’t a usual thing for him ever. This feeling of easiness and comfort was enjoyable to him which helped him decide that hanging around the bunker wasn’t such a terrible idea. Staying would in turn move his relationship with Y/N along, which was something he truly desired for the first time since he was with Kali and would give him a chance to get to know his nephew, by Lucifer, Jack. Something he thought was a nifty bonus.

Y/N was in the bunker’s library reading something to help the Winchester brothers find a way to reopen the portal to the ‘Apocalypse World’ so that they could save their mom. She was trying to find even hint of an idea of how to help. As she was sitting with her back to the rest of the bunker sort of in her own little world, Gabe decided to check on her and in return he startled her and luckily was able to catch the flying book that was previously in her hands.

Gabe sheepishly chuckled, “Sorry Sweetheart, I didn’t mean to scare ya.” He lowered himself just enough to wrap his arms around Y/N’s shoulders as she sat in the chair trying to calm her racing heartrate. “Since we have the place to ourselves, I thought maybe me and my Special Girl could maybe get some alone time together, what do ya say Babes?”  He waggled his eyebrows as he spoke but frowned when he saw her shake her head no.

She sighed as she shook her head in response to his offer. She knew that frustrated him to no end and she felt terrible about it. For a few weeks now that had been the same answer to his same question. She was focused on the task that was given to her and she would slave over the lore books to the point of exhaustion. She would stumble to their shared room nap for a few hours and do it all over again. She knew it was worrying Gabe, but she also knew it had to be done. The longer it took to find answers the more of a chance that they weren’t going to find Mary alive and well. “I’m sorry Gabe but if I don’t do this research who will? We still need answers and the boys are off in a hunt…”

Gabe stopped her before she could continue annoyed and slightly angered. He was really feeling rejected by her in that aspect lately and had finally had enough. He did his best to reign in as much of his anger at the situation as he could but some of it seeped through into his words and his tone. “I don’t know, maybe the two whose mother is trapped over there?! They are using you as their research bitch, Y/N! Can’t you see that?” His whiskey colored eyes blazed with all his pent-up emotion. “Or are you using their research as an excuse because you don’t want me anymore?” He almost whispered, the thought of the woman that he was so in love with had possible fallen out of love with him crushed him to the core.

Seeing the pain in his eyes broke her heart. “Gabe. That is so far from the truth and you should know that. Hell, you are basically all I think about. All you ever need to do is read my mind if you feel any doubt about my feelings for you.” She stood and placed her forehead to his and focused all her energy on making him feel her love she held for him. She wanted it to wrap around him like his wings would often wrap around her in the times she needed comforted. “I know we have been up to our necks in it lately and I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you, but Gabe, I am to the point that I feel guilty for needing sleep because it takes time away from possibly finding what we need to get her home. I’m sorry…” Her voice cracked at her last two words and she walked away from the archangel, leaving him essentially speechless.

He watched as Y/N stormed off toward their room and jumped slightly as he heard the door slam shut. “Okay, how is this my fault?!” He exclaimed, as he stomped back to their room to try and talk to her. “C’mon, Sugar. Talk to me.” He spoke as he opened the door expecting to see her curled up on their bed but instead, he saw her quickly packing her go bag. He frowned deeply. “You’re leaving…” It was meant as a question but came out as more of a statement almost feeling rejected again.

Looking up from what she was doing she shook her head no once again. “No, Feathers. We are leaving. Sam called they need our help. Dean got hurt and is on the shelf. He needs a couple extra sets of hands. Hunters work is never finished, Handsome.” She frowned seemingly a little disappointed. As she walked by him, she put her hand on his forearm. “Looks like Willy Wonka and cuddling will have to wait, again.”

Gabriel was pleasantly surprised at her words and thought, ‘Hey at least she was considering more than just napping in here for three hours and running back to that Dad damn library again.’ He smiled and followed Y/N out to her car. “Alright. Let’s go gank this sucker so we can get back here and get our snuggle on.”

The two drove the few hours to meet up with Sam and the injured Dean and listened to Sam filled them in on what happened and what they were hunting. Seems they underestimated a nest of vampires and one of them had gotten the drop on Dean which resulted in a concussion and him having to sit the rest of the hunt out. So, they sat and planed it all out and waiting for night to come.

As it started getting dark Y/N, Sam, and Gabriel piled into the Impala and headed toward the nest’s location Y/N and Gabriel were in the back seat together leaving Sam in the front by himself to drive. Gabriel insisted that she sat with him. They held onto each other’s hands the entire drive there. He knew Y/N still had some doubts about her hunting abilities and was doing his best to help her psych herself up for the battle that lay ahead of the three of them.

Sam put the impala in park and cleared his throat to let the two know they were there. Y/N got out of the back seat first and met Sam at the trunk where he handed her a machete and made sure she was ready for the coming battle. With a nod and a glance over her shoulder to make sure Gabriel was right behind her they made their way into the nest and started fighting.

Sam had managed to kill two vampires so far and Y/N managed to get one but was tussling with another that happened to be three times the size of her.  Sam went to help her when one jumped on his back and Gabriel was fighting another vampire leaving Y/N to fend off the large vampire by herself. She was losing the fight. The Vampire had managed to get several solid hits in on her and knocking her machete out of her grasp. The vampire that was fighting her pinned her to the wall with one hand forcing a terrified squeak out of her throat and picking up the blade in his other hand. Gabriel looked up in time to watch the monster shove the machete into Y/N’s abdomen. He saw her eyes go wide from the shock of being run through with her own blade.

Gabriel smites the vampire he was fighting and yells to Sam, who had just finished beheading the vampire that he was fighting with. Sam yells “No!” Gabriel snaps his fingers and the vampire that stabbed Y/N disintegrates on the spot. Before Sam knows it, Gabe is next to Y/N cradling her trying to heal her, but it wasn’t working for some reason which was only adding to Gabriel’s panic.

“No no no no… You gotta stay with me, Love. Please don’t leave me, Sugar.” There were tears in his voice as he kept trying to heal Y/N but to no avail. He couldn’t figure out why, he had never not been able to heal her before. He sent up a silent prayer to his father asking him for help, but he knew it was all for naught. As he cradled his dying love to him, he did his best to contain his emotions, but his eyes were betraying him. He started murmuring to her softly in Enochian because he knew it would bring her comfort.

Y/N whimpered softly against him fighting back a cough, “Gabe. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” She had to pause to take a few ragged breaths before continuing, “Gabriel, I need to tell you this before…”

Y/N had to pause again but this time Gabriel tried to shush her, “Baby save your strength, okay? You don’t need to tell me anything. I’m going to get you beck to the motel room and we are going to get you patched up and everything is going to be just peaches and cream.” He looked to Sam and nodded silently telling him that he would see him back at the motel and disappeared whit Y/N.

Gabriel arrived with a dying Y/N in his arms about the same time Sam got back to the motel. Sam somehow made land speed records to be there. Dean jumped up despite the concussion. Gabe laid Y/N down on the bed that wasn’t occupied though he stayed close to her. He tried in vain to heal her would again. Though he knew deep down it wasn’t going to work.

As Sam started to explain to his brother what transpired, Gabriel felt Y/n weakly clutch his hand to get his attention. She knew her time was drawing close and she could see the reaper in the corner of the room waiting for her. She mustered her last bit of energy to speak to Gabriel.

“Gabriel…” She gasped for air, “You need to hear this.” She paused again feeling weaker and weaker by the second. “I love you, Feathers.” As she forced the words out, she heard the Reaper speak in a gentle voice to her telling her it was her time to go. Y/N reluctantly went with the Reaper that had come to collect her, as she crossed to the other side her body went limp in Gabriel’s arms.

Gabriel felt her leave him and let out a pained scream the likes of which the Winchesters never heard. Sam and Dean simply watched as the archangel before them mourn the loss of his love in awe. Gabriel wept openly over the loss of Y/N as he held her now lifeless body to him.

Sam and Dean let him have an hour with Y/N’s body before they suggested moving on with the process of her passing and getting her Hunter’s Funeral in the works.  Which Gabriel didn’t react positively to, but they knew that was going to be the case. It took them some time to talk Gabe into going through the proper motions, but it was done and it about broke Gabriel to say goodbye to her in that final way. Sam told Gabe that they had found a spell to open the portal to get their mom back. Gabe gave them a bitter laugh but said he was in. He figured that would be an easy way out of his pain that wouldn’t offend his father. He was going with the boys to Apocalypse World with no plan in coming back…

The End

[phantom-sunset]

Thank yo so much to @screwunsaidemily​ for putting this gift exchange together.

This one is for @penguin-writes-books and is inspired by the above song

Titled: Polaroid

Rated: T

Ship: Willex

Alex has been distant recently, It wasn’t anything they had done. It was his family. His parents, to be more specific. He had finally come out to them and well...it didn’t go well. They’d stopped speaking to him completely and when he was home, pretended he wasn’t even there. His mother looked through him and his father never stayed in the same room if he was there. Alex could feel it was only a matter of time until they kicked him out completely.

Julie hadn’t joined in the anxiety party Luke and Reggie were throwing for Alex but instead patiently waited. She had an idea, she always knew when one of her boys wasn’t okay. She never pushed though, and instead waited for them to be ready to come to her.

Ray was waiting as well. Both he and Julie, and maybe Carlos too, had an idea of what was going on. Ray had already gotten their second guest room ready for Alex, for when he was ready to open up to them. When he was ready to live his life completely out in the open. Ray had hung a rainbow flag off of the porch, just a little outward sign that Alex was safe and welcome in his home, that all of them were.

Reggie had come to move in with them when he had come over with cuts and bruises littering his body. That time Julie did not wait. She went to Ray and together they went to Reggie’s house, packed his things and brought him back to his new home. That was four years ago, when Reg was only thirteen.

Luke was a different story all together. When he began to get quiet and his energy seemed to diminish, they all noticed. Reggie and Alex had bothered him until he spilled everything. Julie had waited instead. She sat next to him quietly, worked on music to distract him. Held his hand when he cried on her shoulder. Played big spoon to his little when all he wanted was to feel loved and safe.

When Luke had finally let her in, she walked right up to his parents house the next day after school and refused to leave until they sat down and watched the entire video history of Julie and the Phantoms YouTube page. She sat there for hours until they admitted that their son was full of talent and that instead of forcing him into an engineering degree that would absolutely destroy his spirit, they should support his music major.

They had agreed when Julie sat quietly on their couch and simply stared at them expectantly without blinking. She might only be seventeen but she was scary when she needed to be, Rose had made sure of it. 

                                       ___________________________

Alex really wants to stay home tonight. He’s not really in the mood to see anyone but none of his friends would allow it. He was pretty sure that the moment he came home today, his parents would kick him out. It was getting pretty blatant. If they didn’t do it, he was going to at least.

Julie hadn’t joined in the anxiety surrounding Alex like the boys had. Instead she convinced him that one night out wouldn’t kill him, adding on that if he got too anxious they’d leave straight away. 

Julie knew that Alex definitely wasn’t ok but she knew it was a matter of time before he spilled his soul to her. It’s just how they’d always been, since they were kids.

Carrie is having her annual Valentines Day party tonight. Flynn’s cousin is in town touring UCLA for the week. He’s planning on starting in September. He is super cute and extremely Alex’s type.

So Julie is planning a secret set up. Alex has no idea but she’d let Flynn, Reggie, and Luke in on the plan. She was still shocked no one had told him about it but counted it as a win. One fourth of her best friends deserved a distraction and boy was Willie the perfect one.

“Are you guys ready?” Julie said as she walked into the studio that had somehow unofficially become the boys home. Even though Ray had made sure they all had their own space in his house.

Reggie was pulling a bright red shirt over his head, his black ripped jeans and combat boots already on, his leather jacket hanging lovingly over the back of a chair.

Luke was pulling on a white tee with “My Bloody Valentine” printed across it, a butcher knife dripping blood cut through the print. “Cute” she says to him as she takes in the shirt. She isn’t just talking about the shirt and he knows it but he smirks at her and winks. She rolls her eyes and turns to Alex.

He’s wearing a baby pink t-shirt and light colored blue jeans. His black and pink air maxes complete the look.

“No. But I doubt you’ll let me sit this one out.” Alex answers her question.

“You’re right. Let’s go, the Uber's here.” Julie puts her arm through his, pulls him towards Reggie where she loops her other arm and waits for Reggie to thread his arm through Luke’s. They skip down the driveway, Luke’s humming ‘We’re off to see the Wizard’ as they go.

When they pull up to Carrie’s it’s jam packed. Parents dropping their kids off, Uber’s dropping off their riders, and a lone skateboarder, weaving between bodies like he’s made of air. Julie smiles because she’d recognize that long brown hair anywhere. The guy hasn’t cut his hair since elementary school.

As they walk in, there’s staff dressed in red and white handing out brand new polaroid cameras to each guest as they come in. “To save the memories being made here.” He says to them. 

“Obnoxious, isn’t it? All that money and we get outdated cameras” Flynn says from Alex’s side. He jumps up, startled at her sudden appearance.

“Fucking hell, Flynn. Stop doing that!” Alex hisses. 

“Why? It’s so much more fun when you react like that.” She answers. Julie, Luke and Reggie snicker from behind him.

“Anyway. This is my cousin Willie. Willie This is Luke, Reggie, and Alex. You already know Julie.” She says, pointing them out individually.

“Nice to meet you.” Luke says as he holds his hand out. Reggie echoes him and Julie smiles and goes in for a hug.

Alex hasn’t moved yet. He’s just standing there, eyes wide and cheeks flushed as he takes in Willie. He’s cute as hell and taller than Alex which was saying something. His cheekbones reach for the sky, and a jawline that should be illegal. He’s smiling at Alex, holding out his hand to shake and oh god, this was embarrassing. How long has he been waiting for Alex to move? How long has Alex been staring at him like a deer in headlights?

“The malfunctioning one is Alex. Give him a minute, he’ll be right with you.” Reggie said as he tears open his Poloroid camera. He turns to Luke who has his arm around Julie and is busy whispering her ear and snaps a picture.

“Shut up, Reg.” Alex clears his throat and offers up his hand, finally. He’s willing the blush on his cheeks to retreat, it doesn’t.

“So, I’m thirsty. Let’s go get some drinks?” Flynn says, grabbing Reggie’s hand and pulling him. He grabs on to Luke’s shirt who grabs onto Julie’s arm and their little chain disappears into the crowd at the speed of light.

“So, they’re not nearly as sneaky as they think they are.” Willie says. A wide smile stretching over his face. 

God, he’s teeth are so nice. White and straight. He probably never even needed braces. Alex shakes his head to clear his thoughts and realises Willie is speaking to him.

“Huh?” God, he probably sounds like an idiot. Way to make an impression.

“Your friends, my cousin. They’re setting us up.” Alex chokes on his own spit. Were they?

He turns towards the bar where his friends are standing. All four of them are watching him and he narrows his eyes. Reggie salutes him. Luke gives him a bouncy thumbs up. Julie and Flynn are batting their eyes and drawing little hearts in the air in front of them, their lips puckered in exaggerated kisses.

Alex rolls his eyes and turns back to Willie who had followed his line of sight and promptly burst out laughing.

“Wanna head outside? It’s super noisy in here and something tells me they won’t come back until we’ve gotten to know each other properly.” Willie suggests and Alex nods his agreement.

They end up spending an hour together. Alex lets Willie go first and everything he learns makes him like Willie more. He’s about to start college, UCLA is his first choice and he’s already been accepted. He’s going to be moving in with his uncle Robert (Flynn’s dad). The tour was an excuse to come to LA in order to see his family.

He’s from San Francisco, and is majoring in art. He’s sold his work in different galleries since he was fifteen. His mom calls him a prodigy but he just thinks he sees the beauty in things others don’t. He paints, sculpts, and does photography mostly but otherwise dabbles in everything.

Alex tells him about himself. He’s in a band. All four of them have also applied to UCLA for music majors. They’re going on tour over the summer, down the pacific coast. He tells Willie about the time Reggie and Luke convinced him to eat engine hotdogs and they all ended up in the hospital with food poisoning. Willie found that story hysterical.

It’s as Willie searches up the Julie and the Phantoms YouTube page to watch clips of their performances that he notices something and interrupts Alex’s story about how annoying Julie and Luke are in their mutual stupidity when it comes to their feelings for each other.

“Hey, do you mind if I take a picture of you?” Willie asks as he pulls the camera up to his eye.

“Only if I can take one of you.” Alex answers. It came out faster than his brain could process. Braver and flirtier than he intended but he let the question hang.

“Sure, hotdog! As many as you want.” He winks and smiles at Alex and snaps the picture. 

The little rectangle comes out of the side of the camera and Willie is shaking it and still smiling at Alex as he snaps his picture. They're both shaking the film to let it develop and laughing at the thought of people only ever having to do this for their pictures.

“God, how did people survive in the 90s?” Willie asks.

“Right? Like they had to carry around separate things for everything. Music, cameras, phones, planners. The bags must have been huge!” Alex answers and they laugh again.

Willie reaches into his pocket and pulls out a sharpie, he grabs the picture of him from Alex’s hand and writes something on the white border. When he hands it back, Alex’s face turns red yet again.

                                        Willie C. - 2.14.2021 🖤

Alex decides to do the same and grabs his own picture from Willie's hand, writing his own down too before handing it back.

                                        Alex M. - 2.14.2021 🖤

They end up staying outside and completely missing Dirty Candi’s performance along with the rest of the party. Neither one is sure exactly how long it's been but Willie’s phone chimes and he looks down at it, startled.

“It’s Flynn. Wow, it’s midnight already? Looks like we gotta go. This was perfect, thanks for hanging out with me all night.” Willie says and Alex smiles at him.

“Yeah, I had a great time.” Alex answers as they both stand up. Willie turns to walk away but only makes it a few steps before he turns back to Alex.

“Can I kiss you?” Willie asks when he’s in front of Alex again. Alex freezes in response. He can’t do anything but nod because Fuck, he’s wanted to kiss him all night.

Willie laughs softly and puts both of his hands on Alex’s face and pulls him forward. It’s soft and sweet. Willie’s lips feel like cashmere and he smells like pine trees and coconut. The scent makes Alex light headed but he refuses to pull away until Willie makes the move to. Unfortunately it’s way too soon when he does.

“Thanks.” Willie turns and starts walking away again, leaving Alex to try and stop his brain leaking out of his ears since it’s now turned to mush.

“Wait! Can I have your number?” Alex shouts to him as he leaves. Willie turns, walking backwards as he shakes his head. The wide smile is still plastered on his face.

“Nah. It’s more fun this way, hotdog.” Willie answers, holding up the picture he’d taken of Alex. 

“I hate that name! It’s how I almost died!” Alex shouts to him. Willie’s loud laugh lingers in the air around Alex long after he’s gone.

“Well well well, if it isn’t Alex C. Mercer. The boy who hasn’t been seen all night.” Reggie says as he throws himself down in the lounger next to him.

“Well, as setups go, I’d call this one a success.” Luke says from his other side.

“I definitely saw some flirting there.” Julie says as she sits down between Luke’s legs.

“How would you know? It’s not like either of you knows what flirting is.” Alex smirks at the two of them. 

Reggie’s snickers come from behind Alex and makes it difficult to keep a straight face. Luke rolls his eyes and leans his head back, pulling Julie back with him so that her back rests against his chest. Julie punches Alex in the shoulder and sticks her tongue out at him.

                                   _________________________________

It’s a week before classes start at UCLA and Julie, Luke Alex, and Reggie are enjoying being back. In their own homes, in their own beds (Alex’s happens to be at Julie’s house now). They decide to go to the beach and invite Flynn along. 

Alex hasn’t mentioned Willie since valentines day and no ones brought it up. After all, he’s six hours away and had never given Alex his phone number. Sure, Alex had gone full FBI and found his Instagram page but it was private and Alex had never worked up the nerve to request him.

He thinks about him a lot though. Looks at the picture in his wallet more than he’d ever admit. He doesn’t have to come out and say it to anyone though because they’ve all caught him with it. Julie just smiled sweetly and left it alone. Unfortunately, Luke and Reggie are assholes so they bring it up all the time.

So here they are, spread out on the beach and Alex is getting thirsty. They’ve been here for a few hours and whatever supplies they’ve brought have been depleted.

“Hey, I’m gonna go grab some drinks. If you freeloaders want anything you’re going to have to come with.” Alex says as he stands up and slips his flip flops on.

“Rude.” Reggie says and stands up to go with him. Julie goes too and the three of them make it to the cement. Luke stays behind with Flynn to discuss album art concepts.

They stop to make sure someone actually had the money and when Reggie pulls out a soggy twenty that he had accidentally went swimming with, Julie laughs at him. Alex pulls out his own thankfully dry wallet.

“Watch out!” The voice comes from behind Alex but he doesn’t have time to move out of the way before something solid and strong slams into his back sending him sprawling face first into the sand.

“What the fuck?!” He yells as he spits sand out of his mouth and brushes it off of his body where it stuck painfully.

“Oh man, You dinged my board.” The voice comes from behind him again and he turns, fury burning in his veins.

“I dinged your board? You almost killed me!” Alex yells back. He doesn’t look up, examining his skinned knee.

“Yeah, I did pancake you, huh?” he’s laughing now and Alex stands up to give this guy a piece of his mind but his thoughts are cut off abruptly.

He can see Julie and Reggie out of the corner of his eye, smiling widely and snickering to each other. God, he hates them so much.

“Hotdog! Wow, long time.” He says. Alex’s brain has shut off though because wow he looks better than he did on valentines day.

His skin is sunkissed, his hair lightened by the sun, and he’s wearing a crop top that shows off his toned stomach. Alex traces the V as it disappears under his waistband. Someone pinches his elbow and he snaps out of it. Thank you, Julie. 

“Willie, hi! How have you been?” When had his voice gotten so squeaky?

“I’ve been good! Starting school next week. Just finished moving in yesterday. How about you?” He answers. Julie and Reggie have walked away to the beach bar.

“Just got back from touring last night. Now we’re here. Relaxing before school starts.” Alex waves his hand out, encompassing the beach and the general area where Flynn and Luke are bent over her phone.

“You know, I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that party. Kind of the best kiss I’ve had.” Willie chuckles and bumps his shoulder against Alex’s.

“Tell me about it.” Alex pulls his wallet out as he speaks. Pulling out the picture from his wallet and showing it to Willie.

“No way!” That smile that Alex hasn’t stopped staring at is back as he pulls out his own wallet and shows Alex the picture. The ink is faded, as if he’d been running his fingers over the signed name. The corners are crinkled and Alex beams because his looks just as well loved.

“Wanna join us?” Alex asks and Willie nods and smiles in response.

“Hell yeah!” He takes off his helmet and picks up his skateboard, following Alex back to their spot. The thirst that had been drying his throat moments before is completely forgotten when Willie laces his fingers with Alex’s.

[bug13underscore]

Kiss prompt: #39 Spin the bottle kiss. Alex/Reggie please

I had a lot of fun with this and the subsequent wheel spinner app I used as the ‘bottle’ to decide for me....also did not intend to make this 1116 words oops.

Read here on AO3 or below the line <3

Reggie wasn’t too shocked that after suggesting a group party night, Luke smuggly suggested the group playing spin the bottle, what did shock him was that everyone --namely Alex-- readily agreed to the game. 

Absentmindedly, he sat down between Julie and Luke, mind reeling from how confidently Alex had agreed. He came too when Luke dug his elbow into Reggie’s left side. 

“You good, man? You really don’t have to play if you don’t want to.” Luke’s eyebrows were slightly creased in concern but Reggie offered him a small smile. 

“No, no. All good, just zoned out for a second.” As Luke seemed content with his response, Reggie took to glancing at everyone’s spots around the empty water bottle they decided to use. Julie on his right, followed by Flynn, Nick, Carrie, Alex, Bobby, Willie and Luke. He noticed everyone else was gazing around too, all seemingly content with the order. 

They decided on rules before they all agree they were good to play, Alex, Willie and Carrie vocalized explicitly no lip-kissing anyone of the opposite sex, which was easily understood. They even went as far as going around and giving the okay for who was alright with lip-kisses, which ended up being everyone sans Nick. Besides those, and the obvious no-kissing-relatives rule, everyone seemed content and ready to play. 

Carrie insisted on starting and only when she spun the bottle did Reggie actually feel the nerves come on. When he’d played this before, it had been at house parties they had played at, with larger groups of people, people who weren’t his friends, which had made it easier. Namely, it was also easier because Alex never played, so Reggie had never really had any worry about fucking anything up before. He’d always played this game to try and avoid the feelings he harbored for his friend, one of his best friends. All he could do here is that he didn’t get Alex and potentially ruin the friendship they already had. Easy, totally easy. 

Carrie’s spin landed on Bobby, causing the siblings to roll their eyes but Bobby leaned over and obnoxiously pressed a kiss to his sister’s head, much to her disgust. Bobby gave a good natured laugh before spinning it himself, landing just to his right on Willie. The two shared an awkward look before shrugged slightly, swapping a quick, chaste kiss before Willie spun the bottle with as much force as possible. Carrie and Flynn were quick to laugh at their relatives' awkwardness though. Eventually Willie’s ridiculous spin finally stopped, landing on Julie who grinned and gave her friend a sweet kiss on the cheek before settling back into her spot and spinning. 

Reggie shared a dramatic eye roll with Flynn as it landed on Luke, much to the boy’s amusement. He pushed himself back, swapping spots with Julie so the two could have their little moment. Luke gave a flushed grin after she finally pulled away, spinning the bottle for himself. Reggie let out a laugh as it landed on him, where as Luke gave a pout. 

“Man, if you wouldn’t have moved I could’ve got two Julie kisses.” He sighed loudly as Reggie and Julie traded back. 

“You two are literally dating, you can get those anytime, drama queen. Shut up and kiss me.” Reggie taunted, sticking his tongue out at his friend. Luke only gave him a large, devious grin as he pounced on the raven haired boy, knocking him to the ground and proving Reggie’s ‘drama queen’ comment right, making a whole show of the kiss. 

Reggie blinked in shock as the brunette pulled away, before giving a thoughtful hum. 

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to cover for you to sneak Julie out on dates anymore, I see why Ray wants her door open when you’re over now.” He joked, spinning the bottle himself. For a moment, he was too focused on laughing with Julie over Luke’s kicked puppy expression. After he calmed down enough to wipe the tears of laughter from his eyes, he turned to the bottle and everything seemed to slow around him. 

He glanced from the bottle, his eyes following where it was pointed to see Alex’s sharp blue eyes staring back. Reggie could practically feel the blood rushing to his face, suddenly extremely hot. He gave an awkward laugh as Alex shuffled across the circle, and the bassist made sure to avoid looking at anyone else because he was almost certain they’d be second away from teasing him. 

He opened his mouth to make sure Alex was sure, not wanting the blonde’s anxiety to act up accidently when he’s cut off by the boy's own lips on his. Reggie gasped slightly, stilling in surprise. Upon his reaction the blonde pulled away with a start, a wave of apology and worry overtaking his features. Before Alex could apologize though, Reggie found himself surging forward, recapturing his lips. 

Much to Reggie’s surprise, everything that was Alex and Alex’s lips completely faded away from his mind's focus. His hands quickly found their way into soft blonde locks, feeling the weight of Alex’s hands dig into his shoulders to keep himself suspended above Reggie. 

“Alright boys, plan worked, let’s roll out before these freaks do anything gross.” Luke called out, starling Reggie to the present for a moment, but there was no way in hell he wanted this kiss to end. 

“I don’t know how I feel about seeing my brother get made out with my boyfriend and his crush. Tonight has been weird.” Julie's voice grew distant, following the track of footsteps and finally, the slam of the garage door. 

Much to Reggie’s disappointment, Alex pulled away, although when he felt himself draw in a breath he figured he could excuse it. Though his eyes remained closed, he felt the blonde settle down beside him, his hands moving from Reggie’s shoulders to cup his face, drawing him back in for another kiss. 

“Wait,” Reggie pulled away slowly, blinking up at Alex. “Did you plan this?” 

“Well,” Alex avoided his eyes. “Maybe? I figured if we were playing this game and you didn’t seem to be as into the kiss as I was, I could apologize and it could just be a thing that happened because of a game and not because I fucked up?” 

“This is the cutest and by far dorkiest thing you’ve ever done.” Reggie snorted, tugging gently at the hair at the base of the drummer’s neck. “This means we can keep kissing right, I’d definitely like to get back to the kissing.” 

“Yeah, Reg,” Alex rolled his eyes, giving the bassist a small smile. “We can get back to the kissing.” 

[tokimihyachi]

Christmas Boy

Happiest Birthday to Clover Kingdom’s very own, William Vangeance! to celebrate his birthday, here’s a drawing— a rushed one, and another special one shot to commemorate such lovely day.

Pairing: William Vangeance x OC

Warnings: None.

24th December. Other than this day being Christmas, it was not much of a special date to one eccentric man in Clover Kingdom. William Vangeance, bare-faced, stood up from the silk sheets of his bed and rubbed his eyes to welcome the day before him, light from his balcony (he has one here, so shush.) casting light upon his face.

Stretching as he stood up, he neatly folded the used quilts and placed the pillows to where they were situated before he slept on them last night, before walking towards the windowsill and opening it, as a flock of various kinds of birds swarmed him like the Snow White that he is.

The sounds of the birds chirping was music to his ears, but to someone else, it was rather a nuiscance.

‘You’ve been doing that for years, William. Grow up will you?’ Patri sneered. The elf did not dislike birds, actually, he’s used to seeing and hearing them chirp every morning since before, he liked to hide in the shade of the tree where many birds live, but to be accustomed with William’s company is another thing.

‘Is that how you should greet me today, Patri?’ the boy with eyes as gold as the sun scoffed.

'I’m sorry. Happy birthday, my friend.’ Vangeance smiled at his friend’s acknowledgement. Carefully placing the newborn bird back in its nest using his World Tree Magic to extend the branched of the tree, he bids his other friends a good day before heading towards the bathroom to freshen up before breakfast.

— — — — — —

Despite reminding them countless of times, members of the Golden Dawn continued to pursue their plans to surprise their captain and greet him a happy birthday. William smiled at them as Letoile lit the birthday cake’s candles up and Alecdora took it from her hands, bringing it closer to his captain.

Hearing them sing the melodous song one chants during birthday celebrations was more than enough to the masked man as his day of birth has never been celebrated before. Considered to be a cursed child, her parents, particularly his Mother, considered December 24th as an ill-fated day he was given to them.

Unlike kids his age, he never received a cake that was decorated with sweet frosting. Never been greeted— locked even most of the time, and never had a friend who would voluntarily give him a present.

He was given a gift once by the kids he used to play with, but when he opened it, it was filled with powder that catapulted to his face.

“You should keep that powder on your face. That way it’ll hide that hideous scare of yours!”

"Why were you even born into this world, you monster!”

“He’s probably the reason why his own father died. Cursed being.”

For years those memories alone haunted him, which is why Julius and Yami had a hard time trying to find a perfect gift to him. In the end though, they treated him to dinner and sometimes agreed to do whatever activity he wanted to for the day.

Yami didn’t like his choices. They were total opposites that got along after all, but William rarely opens up much about his own self so he begrudgingly obliged, as long as there was free food at the end of the day.

‘Truly, I am blessed.’ The purple-eyed man thought as he blew the candles on his cake and the Golden Dawn clapped in cheer. Seconds later, they formed a line while bringing out their individual gifts for him. He warned them several times before that it would only be a hassle if they bought him gifts as there was still a party during the afternoon, but the stubborn girl one of them is, she pushed through with every festivity yearly.

Speaking of, where is she? William’s eyes wander the room, trying to search for the a pair of eyes redder than any rose he’s seen before, but alas he could not find her. ‘Has she, perhaps… forgotten my birthday?’ A pang of an unknown feeling went through his chest like a spear directly piercing his heart as the thought was processed by his mind.

Alecdora notices the unease of his beloved captain’s presence, so he opted to speak up, “Captain Vangeance. If I may, Lady Artemis is still sleeping…” he trailed off, failing to stitch more words together as William stood up from his chair to excuse himself, claiming that he must fetch and reprimand the sleeping woman.

The Golden Dawn shared knowing looks at one another, chuckling lightly afterwards as they were observant enough to know what was about to happen. William cautiously knocked at the door for a good couple of minutes before deciding to walk inside, scared that she might actually be in danger as he could not sense her mana at all.

“Artemis?” he called out. His voice laced in fear anxiousness more than he could ever imagine.

He expected two things or scenarios to play out when he turned the know of her door. One, she was either peacefully in deep slumber, the kind of sleep where her mana almost feels like it disappears completely or Two, she would be there on the floor, struggling for her life. But upon entering the room he stopped, seeing both of the imaginative situations he made were not in front of him.

Instead, there stood Artemis who clearly smelled like she took a bath, with both of her arms open and awaiting him to come forth as if she anticipated that he would walk through the door. The masked man gave her a confused look making the woman sigh and bring her hands down.

“What are you doing, Artemis?” William asked that further vexed the green-haired mage.

“Well,” she began, walking towards her captain slowly, giving the masked man a chance to see how alluring she looked under the touch of the sun early in the morning— her eyes burning brighter than any fire, her skin more supple and radiant than any sky, and her lips… tempting and soft, its presence even more so overwhelming than the usual.

“My gift isn’t exactly finished yet so I’m giving the next best thing.” as their eyes finally locked, Artemis’ gaze landing on his ear that were decorated in a light shade of pink making William cough to divert her attention, “And that is?” he inquired.

The woman rolls her eyes opening both of her arms again, “A hug! Now, come here you big baby!” chuckling at her little patience, probably because she waited longer than he thought, William gladly mirrors her gesture and wraps his arms around her figure.

In the darkness of his life, her cuddles feel like a little touch of heaven, warm, together, cozy. William could only wish that he could extend or perhaps stop time just so he could stay close to her longer, safe in her embrace. Artemis’ arms wrapped right around him brought a peace he’d never known before, calming of the storms in his heart.

The hug was a simple enough gesture - affection, perhaps the fragile beginnings of love. The arms that held him were soft, yet strong. The feel of her body so close to his soothed him more than he had expected. But within seconds she pulled away, his mind swam not with the heady excitement of a new relationship but with thoughts of why his heart was thumping loudly against his chest.

Her presence, more ominous than the usual. Was it because of the war nearing them? He could only guess. ‘You mean you can only deny?’ Dismissing the thoughts of his friend, Artemis took her captain’s wrist and pulled him outside her room, locking it afterwards and giving him a smile.

“There’s still a party ongoing below right? Not to mention one tonight with the captains so let’s go, Willy!” she yelled as they ran through the corridors. The masked man’s eyes dart on her hands holding his wrist and he had to bite his inner lip to prevent himself from making any noise. ‘What is it with this feeling?’

How he wanted to just grab her hand and intertwine her dainty fingers like that of a porcelain doll with his own, but he was not selfish and shamless. Artemis is a fine woman with class and exuding much elegance. She’s kind, selfless, thoughtful, exceedingly beautiful, and above all else, she’s smart. ‘and dense. Don’t forget clumsy as well.’

He could not risk such ripe and fruitful future ahead of her if he consticted her in any relationship with him other than being good friends that relied and trusted one another even if their lives depended on the situation, but he’s considered it— many times, and wondered what if he had the courage to speak his mind.

Alas he told himself not to. Both of them were healthy, given that, they still had plenty of years in front of them. So the possible lifetime they might share can wait, if it means he can treasure her longer and build up the willpower to face whatever consequence confessing might bring.

‘Wait, does this mean… I like her? Romantically?’ he shook his head. After years of denying was he about to accept and let these feelings consume him? Perhaps this was enough for now as he had other priorities to face. Yet in a few days these very thoughts would betray him, but how wrong he was to have not grabbed such golden oppurtune while it was still within his reach.

Complacency was never a good thing. And William Vangenace would soon know of this.

[corkcitylibraries]

Cork in Verse | Ana Spehar interviews Jim Crickard

Cork in Verse is a series of interviews by Ana Spehar with Cork Poets. This week Ana interviews Jim Crickard.

Jim Crickard’s poetry is camp, entertaining work that explores culture, sexuality and identity with a hint of colour. In 2020 he was invited to represent Cork in the Cork-Coventry Twin City Exchange, which was moved online due to pandemic. In 2019 he was selected by Poetry Ireland for the inaugural Versify series and performed to a sold out show at Dublin Fringe Festival. He came second in the 2019 All Ireland Poetry Slam Final (and is working through his feelings about it with a therapist). In 2018, he won the Cuirt Spoken Word Platform and was awarded a slot to perform at Electric Picnic. In 2020 his poetry was broadcasted on RTE Arena. A poem he wrote was shortlisted in the 2018 O'Bheal International Five Words Competition, and his work has been published in Automatic Pilot, A New Ulster, and Contemporary Poetry.  

When did you start writing?

I started writing when was 16. I had just come out of the closet, my older brother Shane (20) died the same year in a road traffic accident. Looking back, I think I needed space for expression. I started out with a journal before sleep. It was playful, private, and helped organise my thoughts. I’d draw a little picture at the end of each entry. I acted a bit like Virginia Woolf, with a high-neck collar, writing solemnly by candle light. When people write diaries, I think they secretly fantasise them being found and read by the masses.  

When I was introduced to poetry in my Leaving Cert, I found it to be a bit stiff and flowery with poets like Keats, which had some appeal, but when we moved on to Adrienne Rich and Eavan Boland I was a lot more inspired. It was seeing people use the art form to represent women and give voice to minorities, and how they both textured their work with the confessional. I started writing my own poetry at the end of my journal entries but kept it secret. After a few years, and my first break-up, I started sharing online on a site called AllPoetry. It was great because there were little competitions between users and when I won a few of them I felt brave enough to share my work on Facebook. A few people were kind, but most were indifferent. 

When I started going to O’Bheal in Cork, though, I really felt like writing could have a future for me. Writing and performing alongside other writers really makes it a lot more gratifying and instils the self-belief you need to keep going.  

Could you tell us more about your creative process?

I’m always on the lookout for something to play with and tease out until it’s a poem. I write with the intention of making people laugh when they hear me perform. Unfortunately, ideas rarely happen when I’m walking around day-dreaming. I mostly need to sit down and write to find the idea or follow whatever I’ve got on my mind. One of my favourite poems that I’ve written takes a hen party in a gay bar and expands it into a series of images and scenarios that delight me and make me laugh. If it makes me laugh, then I trust that it’ll make a crowd of people laugh. I didn’t start out with that idea of the hen party though, I was trying to write a rather embarrassing romantic poem set in a gay bar, it was for a guy I was briefly dating. Suddenly there was a hen party in the corner. They abducted me with their willy-straws and novelty-glasses, and I followed their embarrassing moments and social faux-pas as they ran around, interloping and ruining the sacred queer-space. I was much more interested in them than the romantic poem I set out to write. I suppose it’s important to trust where the poem is going and let it reveal itself. If I ignored them and focused on the poem I was trying to write then I’d have missed out. 

How does the creative process of writing affect your mood?

I’m elated when it comes together. I love when I get into a flow and my fingers are typing as fast as they can and what I’m writing is surprising me. That doesn’t always happen though, it can be slow and boring and the cursor can be blinking in front of me waiting for me to write something. 

How often do you write? Do you write every day?

I wish I wrote every day. I’ve heard multiple sources say that that’s the best way to approach it, and I would definitely believe it. I have had periods where I wrote a new poem every week, possibly more than one. I have also had long periods of not expressing anything on the page. The latter feels depressing and I feel my life passing me by. It is this dread I feel that I’m losing precious time to grow and improve as a writer. I rationalise it by reminding myself that I need to work full-time, clean my apartment, cook dinner, which is all true. I also excuse myself by saying that I need to relax and watch some TV or listen to a podcast. I think that writing is the purest of me-time and I’d like to transform my relationship with it.  

Can you tell us more about Venus Envy?  

I have been known to dress in drag from time to time... I performed as Venus for Pride in O’Bheal. Afterwards I went to The Crane Lane with all of the poets. It was interesting being a drag queen out of context in another bar... People wanted to talk to me, some random stranger touched me as they passed by, and someone confided in me with something they had not mentioned before. There’s a strange power to being in drag. It’s like being a shaman, a eunuch, a jester, who is on the outside looking in. You can say things that you daren’t dream of otherwise, and people love you for it. If I had the time and money to do it more often I would. Drag will always have a special place in my heart, and on my right arm is a tattoo-portrait of Panti Bliss, the Queen of Ireland. I’ve thought about putting more drag queens beside her, but it would be like Mount Rushmore of Drag on my arm. Who knows, maybe I will.  

‘Hen Party in The George’  

Be careful around the corners, don’t make eye-contact at the bar, 

watch out for the mom, she’s on safari, in search of exotic birds. 

For a parrot to echo her punchlines, 

or maybe a cockatoo, 

she’s prowling around the cocktail lounge, 

she’s looking for me and you. 

The mother of the bride uses her lazy-eye  

to her advantage,

she edges into a group of faces with meandering conversation. 

Now blocking their exit, unsure 

who she’s addressing, 

on about her gay hairdresser, how great 

he is with the scissors. 

“I’ve never had a problem with the gays now myself” she says, 

pausing to sip from a pink plastic penis, 

pausing for praise.

And one by one, the gays fly south, 

migrating to the bar, 

to the dance floor, to South-Africa if necessary. 

“Snobs” she calls em -

“them gays can be awful touchy.” 

All her Christmases at once 

when the black crow drag queen

stalking her long legs across the stage, 

seven foot tall, in a silver crown of feathers refracting light off the disco-ball.

“Jesus” she says, stealing the

microphone:  “you’re looking better than me” 

“I should feckin hope so” the drag queen says “you’re twice me bleedin’ age!” 

Slowly, slowly, the hen party has pissed off all of the George... 

Abandoning punctured plastic husbands all over the stage. 

Flashing so many cameras it feels like E.T.’s family has landed.

A gathering parliament of lesbians  encircles the hens,

a murder of goth gays come down from their perch 

I wonder if they’ve seen Hitchcock’s movie, ‘The Birds…’ 

by Jim Crickard

Sex in the Housing Crisis  

We are the generation of born-again virgins 

headboards disturb housemates on shift work,

Air-traffic controllers should be included in rent  

to coordinate times to get the ride

Landlords can afford to support our sex-lives 

and change carpets once in a while 

We are the generation of born-again virgins  

Like ships in the night, we work to survive,

but we are no thirty year old cargo boats…

anchored in the harbour, waiting for labour,

we are Ferrari red speed boats    

with miles to go before we sleep,   

miles to go before we sleep.  

We are the generation of born again virgins 

Nothing kills the mood like mildew 

home-sense is built on the backs of millennials 

fumigating probate houses 

converted into one-beds 

with constellations of mould 

and half their salary paid  

to make out on an old couch  

facing a microwave

We are the generation of born again virgins 

If you’re living with parents you can forget it 

unless you can face breaking their trust   

and explain condoms in the toilet-drain. 

We must not forget about our parents sex-lives 

afraid their carefully considered bed springs

will be heard by their thirty somethings 

Let’s give the government hell for 

this inter-generational dry spell! 

by Jim Crickard

[sunsetcurbed]

you showed me faith is not blind (miracles happen)

Pairing: Alex/Willie  Words: 5,251  Rating: T  Chapter Warnings: homophobia  Chapter: 6/11  read on AO3 

Chapter Summary:  The sun has already set by the time they get back to the car and with a glance at his phone he sees two things. First, that it's already half past six and second, that he has… a lot of missed calls and texts.

"Oh," he says, before he even buckles his seatbelt. "Is the group harassing you too?"

Willie glances over at him with a confused look and then pulls out his phone. "Whoa, yeah. Wonder what that's about."

(*) 

The sun has already set by the time they get back to the car and with a glance at his phone he sees two things. First, that it's already half past six and second, that he has… a lot of missed calls and texts.

"Oh," he says, before he even buckles his seatbelt. "Is the group harassing you too?"

Willie glances over at him with a confused look and then pulls out his phone. "Whoa, yeah. Wonder what that's about."

In skimming through the messages, Alex gets the gist of it—Luke is sorry, the group is worried about him, and after a while, they start to get worried about Willie as well. Before Alex can answer any of them, Willie has already sent the group text a message explaining that they were on a hike and hadn't looked at their phones. Within seconds, a message from each person in their group arrives, all variations telling them to come to the studio. Willie's eyebrows go up. He looks at Alex. "You up for it?"

Alex isn't sure if he is or not, but they're his best friends and he knows Luke is probably having a melt down, so he nods. Ten minutes later, Willie is pulling into the Molina's driveway. Reggie comes bouncing out of the garage, drumming his hands on the hood of Willie's car, and the two of them laugh as they unbuckle and get out.

"Hey, guys!" Reggie yells.

"Hey, man," Willie greets, walking towards him and tossing an arm around Reggie's shoulders, dragging him towards the studio, hurrying along fast enough that Reggie has to stumble to keep up. They're laughing as they go and Alex smiles as he watches. He follows behind them at a slower pace, so when he gets in the studio, Willie has let go of Reggie and is saying hi to the other three already. Alex looks from Flynn to Julie and then his eyes land on Luke, who is staring at him. He's sunken into the couch, eyes round and just on this side of miserable.

It's now going on seven hours since they've seen each other, and Alex knows the majority of that time, Luke has understood that Alex has no plans of leaving the band. And, well, Luke's first thoughts might always be music, but he also does genuinely care about people too. That's especially true for his band—for Alex, Reggie, and Julie. Alex knows that Luke is feeling guilty about the whole thing. He knows that the entire thing is behind them now, that Luke knows he's staying, that Luke knows Alex prioritizes the band too.

… He also knows that the band wasn't the only reason Luke was upset earlier.

Alex knows Luke. They haven't made it through eleven years of friendship on sheer luck.

"It's okay, dude," Alex says.

Luke laughs but it's not all there. "I'm still sorry."

"I didn't tell you guys, so. I'm sorry too."

"Yeah, well, I'll forgive you if you say hi to William and Harry for me," Flynn says from where she's lounging.

"Yes!" Willie whoops pumping his arms and twirling around.

Alex shakes his head. "Uh-uh. She didn't—"

"She called you Prince Charming at lunch," Reggie tells him.

"Oh. Well." Alex brings a hand up and scratches behind his ear, and looks at Flynn. "Thanks for that."

"Any time," she smirks.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Luke asks, and there it is. The other reason Luke had been upset.

Because, well. If the band had been Luke's only concern, it likely would have ended in an argument at lunch, then and there. Luke was passionate about music and he fought for what he was passionate about. But him storming away today? That wasn't out of passion. That was out of pain. He had been hurt that Alex hadn't told him, had been hurt that there was something about Alex that he didn't know. After all, Luke had been Alex's person for years. He was the first person that Alex came out to, the first person he turned to after a fight with his parents, the first person he went to for help. But that has changed lately. Since Luke got with Julie and since Alex's feelings for Willie developed further, the two of them had different people now. It wasn't that they were any less close—not at all. They still told each other everything. They just weren't always the first to know, not anymore. But this… Luke hadn't known this at all.

"I… I didn't want you to know," he admits while he stares at the ground, unable to see Luke's face as he admits this. "I barely wanted to know about it. I mean, this lady shows up and tells me I'm a prince and that I've gotta learn how to act like one and learn the history and politics and culture of another country and—I didn't want to think about it, man. And I knew telling you guys would make it more… real. I didn't know if you guys would think it was funny or if you'd think it was weird. And—and even if we didn't talk about it you'd still know and I'd still know you knew and I'd be wondering what you were thinking so then I'd wanna talk about it not to talk about it but to find out your thoughts and… it didn't have anything to do with you guys. I was just… I didn't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to deal with it. So I just… didn't."

"You told Willie," Flynn points out with a raised eyebrow. Alex kind of wants to fight her right now because he's trying to fix things with Luke, Flynn but he sees that Luke's shoulders are more relaxed now, so he thinks he's in the clear.

"I… I needed to talk to someone. And Willie—Willie—"

"What they have is stronger," Reggie quotes Willie from earlier. Everyone immediately 'ooohs'.

Earlier, it was a joke. Earlier, it was Willie teasing Reggie. Earlier, it was wishful thinking.

Now?

Now Alex has to turn his eyes to the floor because he's scared his burning face is going to give him away and maybe Willie doesn't want that and—

Something grabs his hand. He jumps and looks down at his hand to see another hand in his. He follows the hand up, up the arm, over the shoulder, landing on the face of Willie. He's got a small smirk on, but he tilts his head to the side and bounces his eyebrows. Alex understands the question in the movements and turns towards him. Willie takes that as the answer he needs and brings his hand up to curl around Alex's neck and draws him in for a short, heartfelt kiss. The 'oohs' change to 'oh my gods' and Willie and Alex have to break apart because Alex starts laughing at Luke's high-pitched screech. Willie doesn't let go of his neck but he steps away. The smile one Willie's face is blinding and Alex is willing to bet his matches.

"Dudes, I thought that was a joke!" Reggie yells.

"It was," Willie tells him, stroking the side of Alex's neck with a gentle thumb. "At lunch, anyway."

Their friends all start talking over one another and Alex laughs, moving with Willie to take a seat on the ground. When Julie demands to know how it happened, Willie smirks. "We went on a hike, screamed a bit, and then Alex told me how he felt and I kissed him."

"Alex made the first move?" Luke asks, disbelieving.

"Hey," Alex frowns.

"No offense bro, but we've been waiting for years now and you haven't done shit. Excuse me for my surprise."

"You were friends with Julie for three and a half years before you made a move, I did it in two."

"Yeah well you've liked Willie since kindergarten," Reggie says.

Alex dives across Willie's lap to smack Reggie. "I didn't even know him in kindergarten!"

"But longer than ninth grade, at least," Luke says confidently. "Longer than two years."

Alex's face goes up in flames and he stares at the ground. He can see Willie looking at him out of the corner of his eye. "I didn't even know him though, thinking he's cute doesn't count."

"How long have you liked Alex, Willie?" Reggie asks. Oh, god. Alex doesn't want to know. It's going to make him sound so much more pathetic.

Alex turns his head in time to see Willie look at Reggie and shrug. "A long time. Before I even really knew him I thought he was cute. Thank god he turned out to actually be as interesting as I had hyped him up to be."

"Really?" Alex asks, feeling his heart rate speed up. Hyped up? Willie had thought about him enough before they knew each other to have expectations?

Willie turns to him. Alex must have his anxiety written all over his face because Willie's eyes go soft and he smiles. "Yeah. The day I ran into you on the beach? With the hot dogs? I was actually looking for you. I'd seen you there already that day and I wanted to see you again, so I wasn't really paying attention to where I was skating because I was focused on trying to find you." He hums and knocks their shoulders together. "I did."

Oh.

"O… kay," Alex says, looking down at his hands and picking at the side of his thumb. He'd figured out what his feelings for Willie were in the sixth grade, and even at that age he knew that boys liking boys wasn't the majority. So he didn't hold out hope of Willie liking him back, even if sometimes his mind did like to pretend back then. When Willie came out to them when Alex was in ninth grade, Alex had already gone three years thinking (knowing) that there was no way that Willie could like him back. But then in the few months of knowing Willie, Alex had come to realize that Willie was just entirely too good for Alex. In ninth grade, learning Willie liked boys didn't change Alex thinking (knowing) Willie couldn't like him, even if sometimes he did like to hope. It just became for a different reason. So hearing that Willie had liked him, and for 'a long time'… Alex wasn't sure what to do with that information.

He doesn't get too long to contemplate it (beyond the thought of 'what took us so long then?') because after the group throws a few more questions at Willie, they turn their attention to Alex.

"So what have you really been doing after school? With the prince stuff?" Reggie wonders.

"I really have been with my grandma. She's, uh… the Queen of Beasiga by the way. We're just… I call them prince lessons." Everyone laughs. Alex smiles. "They're… It's like etiquette lessons mixed with Beasiga lessons—history, politics, government, culture, economy—mixed with world politics lessons mixed with foreign language lessons."

"And… you do this on top of school?" Julie frowns, her face clearly concerned for Alex.

He nods. "Yeah, but my grandma is really considerate of my time. She even helps me with my history and econ homework most days and gives me extra information."

"What kind of things do you do?" Luke wonders.

"Well, most nights I eat dinner over there, right? But apparently my posture sucks so they tie me to my chair." The entire group laughs again and Alex laughs with them. "It's also just… a lot of studying. Uh… Let's see… Beasiga began by a charter during a war between its two neighboring countries in 1634 and formed into a country in 1715. They're a constitutional monarchy with a two-party system. Over half of their GDP can be accounted for through tourism. They haven't been involved in a war since the 1810s. They got rid of their army in the 1880s and signed treaties with other countries for foreign protection. Uh…" he looks at his friends, who he realizes asked what he did—not what he learned. "Um. I'm learning how to… carry myself? like a prince. We're working on emotional intelligence this week. Things like self-awareness and empathy and interacting with others. There's some dancing? Not the fun kind, though. Ballroom dancing."

They carry on like this until it's quarter until eight, at which point Alex can't ignore the hunger pangs in his stomach. He promises to discuss it more with them tomorrow if they want, or that they can text him if they have any pressing questions, and then he and Willie take their leave.

He expects that to be the end of a stress filled day, but when they pull up to Alex's house, one of the Beasigan limos is parked on the street out front.

"I would offer to let you come in since we haven't actually eaten dinner," Alex murmurs as Willie turns in the driveway, "but I have no idea what's going on inside. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Willie says. He reaches over and twines their fingers together and squeezes. Alex looks over at Willie. Willie smiles and leans in. They'd kissed a few more times on the hike, and then the once at Julie's, so it feels natural now for Alex to meet Willie half way. They keep the kiss short—they're in a car outside of his house and his family is inside, and they don't know he's gay, so. Plus, something royal might be happening inside if the limo is anything to go by, so it's not the time to be pushing even if he wants to. Willie is the first to pull away (Alex thinks it's probably because he's the one with better self-control) and when he leans back in his seat he lets go of Alex's hand and smiles. "You should get inside. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Uh, yeah," Alex says. He sends one last look at Willie, says bye one last time, and then grabs his bag and gets out of the car. Willie waits in his driveway until Alex has unlocked his door and is inside, and then he backs out of the driveway and drives off. Alex closes the door behind him, dropping his backpack on top of the shoes he has just toed off, and wanders into his house. "Mom? Dad?" he calls.

"In here," his dad calls from the dining room.

He follows the voice through the rooms of the house until he's standing in the entrance of the dining room where he finds his parents, his siblings, his grandmother, and John sitting around their expanded dining room table. They all have plates in front of them, either empty or nearly empty. It looks like Chinese and Alex takes a moment to be surprised that his grandmother would eat take away Chinese food. Then he realizes she probably didn't plan her visit, and they had to order take out, and Chinese was a better option than pizza. "Hey," he says. The group all calls out a greeting.

"Alexander," his grandmother says. "We were just discussing the events of today and ideas for security going forward. We're going to see how the next few days play out and go from there."

"Sounds good," he says. "Is there any more of that? I haven't eaten."

"Yes, in the kitchen," his mom nods towards the kitchen, and Alex goes at once to make himself a plate. He's back, taking a seat at the table next to John after a minute, and bites his lip. "Mom, Dad, Grandma? Can I talk with you before Grandma leaves tonight?"

His grandmother looks at the clock on the wall. "It's getting quite late. Will it take long?"

"Uh… no. No. Just—"

John clears his throat and excuses himself from the room, clearing all the empty plates. He takes them through to the kitchen and turns on the sink to start rinsing them off.

"Ava, Austin," his mom calls, getting his siblings' attention. "Why don't you two go to your rooms? You each get half an hour of Switch time."

No more needed to be said—they were out of their seats and running out of the room as soon as she said the word 'Switch.' Alex snorts, and looks down at his full plate of food. He debates taking a bite because he's absolutely starving, but he'd rather not be talking with his mouth full for this.

"So—with this news thing, there's going to be rumors, right?"

"We'll take care of all of those," his grandmother says, shaking her head. "You don't need to worry."

"Well—I. I'm not overly worried. I mean, rumors are rumors, right? You can just prove them false, right? Someone says I do drugs, I take a drug test. Someone says I'm not really my father's son, you guys have the paternity test," he says. "I'm not really worried. And like, I'm not really worried about what I'm about to say either because there's not really any malicious people at my school, even if there are rumors about me. I don't think anyone would go to any news source and talk about those rumors either, especially because they only know them to be rumors. The chances of this getting out are slim to none. But, I'm sixteen and—and—" and Willie "—and I've been learning a lot in prince lessons. And part of that is confidence. And part of confidence for me is being brave, which… I have, historically, not been. But today I was. And—I'm trying to be right now? It's harder. It's always harder in the moment. But—well, yeah, I'm gay."

Alex wants to make some astute observation about the silence that follows his declaration, but he can't, because it only lasts a second or two. Rather than stretching on like he thought it would, it breaks quickly because his grandmother smiles and says, "why, Alexander, thank you for telling us."

Alex looks at her, head turning a little too quick for his neck's liking and blinks. "You—you're okay with this?"

"Well, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, I just. Well, not everyone is. And I thought you—"

"Now that the world knows you are a prince, I was going to invite you to a dinner we're having at the consulate next Thursday," his grandmother says, and Alex closes his mouth from where it was formed around his next word, confused at the sudden subject change. "It's a very important dinner and many members of our government will be there. Perhaps you can meet our Prime Minister, Jeffry Marley. And his husband."

Alex feels like something in the air has changed.

Beasiga's Prime Minister is gay? Is openly married to a man?

He blinks, looks down at his plate again, but he's not really hungry anymore. He thinks. One of his biggest hold ups about being Prince of Beasiga was the fact that he was gay. He didn't think that he could be Prince due to his sexuality, or at least didn't think the people would accept him because of it.

The monarch—his grandmother—appoints the Prime Minister, not the people, so… "And how do the people feel about Jeffry?"

"Oh, wonderfully," his grandmother waves him off, as if him asking is a ridiculous question. "We were among the first to legalize same-sex marriage—it has been legal in Beasiga since 2005. Our citizens are plenty happy with our leaders, and they would be plenty happy with you, as well."

That… That's…

Alex can't think about that right now.

He turns to his parents. "Mom, Dad?"

His dad is staring at the table and nods at him in acknowledgement, and his mom is looking at him with a smile, but he knows her well enough to know that it's not… it's not a smile. His stomach sinks. "Of course you know we love you, sweetie," she says. He's not sure if his grandmother can hear the tension in her voice, or if it's something that takes years to tune into. But he can hear it. "Thank you for telling us."

"Yeah, of course," he says, but the building good mood he had a minute ago has gone to shit with their dismissal.

"Well, then," his grandmother says, noticing the souring of the mood. "I think it's time for John and I to go. Alexander, I trust I'll see you tomorrow, all well? … after the day you've had?"

He blinks. He's pretty sure she's asking if he's safe to be left here. "Yeah. I'll be there tomorrow, fine and ready to learn about Beasiga in the 1700s."

"Good, I'm glad. Well…"

"I'll show you out," his dad says, standing up from the table and walking towards the kitchen to where John was, not sparing a glance in Alex's direction.

"I will see you tomorrow, Alexander," his grandmother says before following his dad.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," he calls back. When she's gone, he finally takes a bite of his food, but there's no taste to it, which is shocking for the fact that it's Chinese food and Chinese food is always flavorful. He doesn't think it's an issue with the food, but instead his brain. His stomach needs food though, so he shovels it in, bite after bite, not stopping even as he hears the front door open and close, even as he hears the doors of the car outside open and close, and not even as he hears his dad slam the bedroom door. Alex sees him mom flinch at that last one and sighs. "You wanna go join him? Slam some bathroom cabinets closed to get some of that anger out while you're at it?"

Her head snaps up and she looks at him. "I'm not—I'm not angry."

Alex scoffs. "Sure."

"I'm not!"

"Right," Alex nods. "You're not angry. He is. You're disappointed."

She opens her mouth, leaning forward, ready to say something, and Alex braces himself, but the words never come. She falls back into her seat. She mumbles something under her breath that Alex doesn't quite catch and he frowns.

"What?"

She furrows her eyebrows together. "It's all going wrong," she repeats. Alex reels back, stunned. She barely takes notice, barreling on. "Thing after thing in your life, it all just keeps piling on and I don't know when it's going to stop. When you were in seventh grade you loved math and science and you wanted to be like Mike, do you remember? We started planning for Stanford or Yale or, hell, even Berkeley if you couldn't get into one of those. But then you got more serious about the drums. And then… then you and your friends made that band. And you got into Los Feliz, so how could we say no? It's still a top school. But then you started talking about gigs and tours and albums and… Alex, you've done great with the band, really. So we thought—maybe you'd put college on hold for a few years to pursue your music, but then you'd go back." She nods to herself assuredly, and looks up at the ceiling, drawing in a deep breath. "And then your dad dies. Not having had any other children, leaving you the heir to the throne of Beasiga. Something he and I had every intention to avoid for you, because I… I didn't want you growing up in that life. I didn't want you growing into that life. Into a prince and then a king who would be all about a country and not about himself and have no room to live your own life. And then that man has to show up claiming his right to the throne, so your grandmother has to contact you early. Throws off your entire junior year. It puts you in a position where you have to choose if you actually want to be prince or not. You're not mature enough to make that choice! You just got your driver's license this summer. And now—now you won't even get a normal family."

Alex stares across the table at his mom, completely unsure of what to say. There's a lot to unpack there, and there's a lot that he wants to argue with her on. He's about to start when—"What do you mean a man showed up wanting the throne?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what are you talking about? You said something about a man claiming a right to the throne," Alex reminds her. "What was that about?"

"Oh," his mom says. "I'm not sure if I'm meant to tell you about that if you don't already know."

"Well I know now, so tell me."

She looks at him and sighs. "There's a man in Beasiga who, if you renounce your claim, is next in line for the throne. I don't know much about him, but he's… pushy, and he's been pressing your grandmother about you. It's why she decided to tell you before your eighteenth birthday."

"Do you know his name?"

"Covington, I think," she says. "Why is this so important?"

Well. That's a good question. "I just think I deserve to know these things," he makes up. "You guys hid enough from me for sixteen years." This is something he needs to think more on, though. He stands up from the table and carries his plate towards the kitchen. When he's at the exit of the dining room, he turns back to his mom. "By the way, mom. I will get to have a normal family. Unless I choose to become prince. Then, only then, maybe my normal will be a little different." He moves to the sink to rinse off his plate, not bothering to give his mom time to answer.

It's when he's rinsing the sauce and rice off the plate that he starts to think about what really just happened. Coming out to his parents and grandmother, finding out the country he could potentially be prince of is pretty fucking progressive and would accept him, being all but shut down by his parents, finding out that there was someone ready to take the throne should he step down, and then—

Unless I choose to become prince.

He didn't say that for his mom's benefit.

He slots his plate into the dishwasher and grabs his backpack from by the front door, then makes his way to his room. He closes the door behind him and moves to his bed, falling down on it and pulling out his unfinished homework so he can complete it.

Unless I choose to become prince.

Where the fuck did that come from?

Okay, yeah, being gay was one of his biggest arguments against accepting his role as prince. Before tonight, he never could have dreamed of it. Before tonight, he couldn't even come out to his parents, how was he expected to come out to an entire country? But… but after tonight… He came out to his parents. And his parents didn't react well. And Alex—he's anxious, yeah, but he's not panicking. And Beasiga is apparently a lot more accepting than Alex's parents, so coming out to that country isn't as scary anymore. Hell, coming out to the world isn't as scary anymore—his parents are the ones in a position of power over Alex, at least immediately, and they're just quiet, angry, and disappointed.

Did Beasiga's progressive views really change his stance on being a prince that much?

No, he doesn't think so.

Covington was also a factor.

Sure, Alex doesn't know much about the man—doesn't know anything about the man—but if his grandmother felt pressured by anyone, well, that can never be a good sign. He's gotten to know her quite well over the past couple of weeks and she's not one to back down. She'd gotten into an argument with him over his own lyrics and refused to accept his word when he pulled the 'I wrote the song' card. Alex knows it's not just that he is easy to go up against, because he's seen her in meetings with diplomats from other countries. She's like the goddess of reasoning Athena—but her reasoning isn't actual reasoning, it's just an impossibility to argue against her. So someone forcing her hand… Well, Alex feels threatened. There's no way this Covington man can be a good person, and he suspects that's why his grandmother had come on so strongly at first. She's scared for her country.

Is that enough for Alex, though?

He's thinking about it now, he admits that much. He can't stop thinking about it. The thing is: the prince lessons are working. He can not only eat with correct posture and the correct utensils at a meal now, but he's also learning more and more about Beasiga and its history and is genuinely enjoying his time doing so. He's noticed his confidence has gone up. He's even started speaking with a different cadence to his voice. The care he has for the Beasigan people he's heard and read about and had the opportunity to meet and talk to is overwhelming and he wants to be a part of their lives, wants to improve their lives. He has ideas to improve their lives, good ones that his grandmother has heard and approved of. All the things his grandmother is trying to instill in him are showing up, but there are still two very obvious issues.

Number one: he's in a band. He can't leave that band. He literally just promised that band he would not be leaving them. He doesn't want to leave the band. He loves playing the drums, loves singing, loves making music with his friends. Wednesdays and Saturdays are the best days of the week and he could never dream of giving those up.

Number two: two and a half weeks ago he stood in front of a room of twenty students to give a speech and nearly passed out as a result. Public speaking is still a part of being a prince, and being in front of crowds is still a thing that he can't do. Of course, now that he's actually listened to Julie, he knows it's more the whole… attention thing when he's alone, not the speaking thing, but. Being a public figure involves attention.

He supposes he can bring it up with his therapist—after all, he sees her tomorrow afternoon—and see if she has any suggestions about overcoming that, but…

Why is he thinking about this?

What changed so drastically from this afternoon at lunch, when he was positive in telling Reggie that he'd made his mind up, to now, when he was considering asking his therapist for tips to help him so he could maybe be a prince? What made him go from scoffing at the idea of ruling a country to figuring out ways to make it possible? Why was he considering taking such a huge leap in his decision all of the sudden?

And then he remembered.

The lock.

The lock that broke somewhere inside him today.

He's not sure what the hell it had been holding back, but whatever it was is open and free now and Alex isn't sure if he's scared or excited about that.The sun has already set by the time they get back to the car and with a glance at his phone he sees two things. First, that it's already half past six and second, that he has… a lot of missed calls and texts."Oh," he says, before he even buckles his seatbelt. "Is the group harassing you too?"Willie glances over at him with a confused look and then pulls out his phone. "Whoa, yeah. Wonder what that's about."

[kiseiakhun]

What are your feelings on Kyle/Jason/Wally. I kinda think it might happen if Kyle had a crush on both. Accidentally tells Wally. Teasing. Jason finding out. Jason and Wally overdramaticly flirting. Dick finds out and Kyle dying from the close proximity of both Jason/Wally Wally/Jason Jason/Kyle Wally/Kyle. And then Flirting/Showing off intensifying. Although I don't really know much about Wally or Kyle. ❤

RUBS HANDS TOGETHER

Hello? This is the greatest ask anyone’s ever sent me. Kyle is a lovey-dovey dumbass who falls in love after two seconds of knowing someone, so like. It’s real. It’s very real. He and Wally would’ve had their thing first? Because of their whole enemies to lovers arc in JL, except - because of that whole dynamic where they started off ragging on each other, I feel like they both would’ve been oblivious to their feelings. Add in a healthy dose of compulsory heterosexuality from Kyle, and yeah... the adults of the League have probably been waiting years for that ship to sail, except the babies just keep being oblivious dunderheads.

(Wally realized in his teen years that he’s not strictly heterosexual, because being on a team with Dick Grayson when you’re male tends to draw out any bent inclinations very, very quickly. It’s just. Kyle is the snot-nosed rookie too big for his britches. He’s a baby? He’s an infant. Wally is not attracted to an infant, wtf.)

And then Kyle goes off on his journey of self-discovery with Donna and Jason. Well, journey of self-discovery for him, because Jason’s ass and body and his devil-may-care tough guy attitude is the culmination of Kyle’s bisexual crisis. Seriously, countdown is basically Kyle going “ugh, that stupid hot sexy asshole is so hot and sexy around Donna, there’s no way she can resist him. Why is he attractive? He needs to stop. I’m going to fight him because he’s TOO HOT.” It’s incredible. If the writers weren’t cowards, countdown would’ve ended with them being in a triad.

Donna’s probably the one who points out that mayhaps... Kyle’s constant mooning over Jason might mean something different... and Kyle’s like wtf, no. And then he actually thinks about it, because Kyle’s one of maybe two (2) men in the dcu who has a semblance of emotional intelligence (idk who the other one is, but I’m sure he’s out there) (edit: it’s Connor. Connor Hawke. Connor is the other man. I was going to say Clark but Clark keeps going to extremes whenever he or his are threatened and. like. he tries, bless his heart, but there’s still a lot of repression going on with him) and he’s like wait. Fuck. Well what do I do with this information!! It’s not like Jason is into guys!!!

To which Donna just looks at him like, how are you so smart yet so stupid at the same time. She remembers how baby Jason mooned over Roy and Dick as much as he mooned over her. She Remembers.

(Also, lbr, Donna’s very experienced by now at dealing with dumb boys in denial about their non-het leanings. See previous statements about being on a team with Dick Grayson. She saw all of it, man. She’s seen so much.)

Cue Kyle, sitting bolt upright in bed after they’ve just wound down for the night and just saying, “Oh my god, Wally.”

And Donna’s just like, yup.

And Jason’s just like ? wtf is that asshole up to now. Whatever, idc, blissfully unaware of Kyle’s bi panic.

Anyway. The world is saved, and they get back to their Earth, and Kyle manages to put it aside because Everything Happens So Much. He’s the Green fking Lantern, okay, he doesn’t have time to deal with sexuality crises, except. Except. It won’t leave him alone?

Like, in his downtime he hangs out with Wally a lot since they’re friends, and oh yes, hello raging crush that he can no longer pretend isn’t a thing, because once Kyle acknowledges his attraction? That is it, man, there’s no turning back from that point. And ik that in canon, Jason threw a snitfit and left Kyle and Donna in the middle of their happy fun space adventure fieldtrip, but let’s say he didn’t have a sudden ooc personality turn because of writer mandate, and he stayed with Kyle and Donna until the end of their journey, and they stayed in touch.

And Kyle realizes, to his horror, that Jason is charming, and funny, and not bad on the eyes, and fuuuuck. This isn’t really helping his stupid dumb crush. Stupid dumb crushes. Goddamn.

(Sometimes Jason even joins him in his Space Adventures because of his new team. More specifically, Kori and her shiny new spaceship that can sustain humans in space conditions, and he is not jealous, shut up, Roy.)

(Roy caught on pretty quickly, because he’s much more empathetic and in tune with other peoples emotions than he pretends to be 90% of the time. Unfortunately, he only uses his powers for chaos.)

Ofc, Wally would start getting curious about Jason eventually because suddenly this kid is fucking everywhere? Dick’s calling on him for intel in the middle of a firefight, and he’s ragging on Roy’s atrocious dress sense, and he’s joking with Donna and Kyle’s giving him the same shit that he used to give to Wally, excuse me. Wasn’t he a villain or something? The last time Wally paid attention to him, he was sawing heads off in Gotham, and now Wally can’t seem to turn without tripping over him. When the fuck did that even happen?

(I’m not sure if Wally ever met Robin!Jason. Hm. Were Jason’s guest-appearances on the team during when Wally was pulling one of his stints of... I don’t WANT to be a hero, I want to be a NORMAL BOY who goes to COLLEGE, even though I literally re-created the Flash’s lab accident down to the letter just so I can have his powers and be a hero and save the world? ... ykw, we don’t acknowledge that era of Wally. This was back when he was a meninist incel or something. Ick.)

... and damn, Wally really can trip over him now, huh. Because he sure did grow up big, and strong, and rugged, and haha fuck now Dick is starting to glare at him, too, and not just at Roy, abort, abort.

...... Wally does attempt to subtly ask Roy, later, if there’s any truth to the statements about him and Jason and Kori that Roy says to Dick to get him all riled up. I say “attempt to” because Wally is bad at subtlety. It’s part of why he and Kyle get along so well. Roy realizes what he’s asking and he about has an apoplexy because Wally? Wally? Now there’s a surprise contender he did not expect, tossing his hat into the ring.

But also. Also... hot.

Roy and Kori are watching all of this while munching popcorn like damn, this is better than TV. Because Kyle’s having his crisis, his Love crisis, and Wally’s having his oh my god why do I find my best friend’s little brother hot crisis, and Jason is just happily oblivious to all of this, because he’s too busy angsting over his dad not loving him enough and dismantling trafficking rings and being the big, bad scourge of Gotham to notice Kyle pining after him like a lovelorn puppy, and Wally eyeing him appreciatively like he hasn’t eaten in a whole hour and Jason is a tender piece of marbled steak roasted on both sides to perfection. He does notice the way Kyle and Wally look at each other, though, because he’s only observant when it comes to the positive emotions of other people. And he is not stepping in the middle of that, tyvm, because from what Roy’s told him the two of them have a looooong history and he does not want to get caught in the middle of that crossfire.

Roy and Kori are both like, what makes you think it’s going to get messy, anyway? And Jason, whose real world examples of functioning relationships are 1. Willis and Catherine Todd, 2. Bruce and Selina, 3. Bruce and Talia, 4. Dick and all his exes, 5. Roy and all of his not-exes because he doesn’t date but people keep falling in love with him anyway and he panics and ghosts them because he is Roy William Commitment Issues Harper, 6. Kori and whatever the fuck she’s got going on with Dick and like, an ex? back on Tamaran? who she might still be married to?? what the fuck, 7. Kyle and Donna and their messy breakup(s)(?) (Jason doesn’t ask, because he Does Not Want To Know) (he’s too busy repressing to realize it’s half because of jealousy), is just like, that’s just how things go.

And Roy and Kori, both having mentally run through all of those ^ options while Jason was thinking of a response, are just like. ... yeah, alright, that’s fair enough.

God, every single relationship in DC is a mess.

Where was I even going with this?

Oh, right. Basically, Kyle is pining like a lovelorn idiot, Wally doesn’t know what the fuck he’s feeling and it’s making him confused, and Jason is ignoring his feelings because maybe if he just represses them hard enough, they won’t spill over and punch him in the face. Honestly, I see Wally making the first move, because his inadequacy issues don’t run as deep as Jason and Kyle’s do, and Kyle’s just like :D and Jason’s like, what the fuck. What the fuck? Because it literally blindsides him, even though it’s stupidly, painfully obvious to everyone else around him.

Either that, or Roy gets sick enough of watching their lovelorn pining, and employs Dick’s help to lock them all in a closet, naked, and fuck it out.

(Dick doesn’t actually disapprove of Jason sleeping with his friends, he just needs to get over his mental block of still seeing Jason as a baby)

Anyway. They’re all a whole-ass mess.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I Need to Talk About “Problematic Faves” within TWDG [3/?]

Character design, being drawn towards characters we find visually attractive, and how big of a role in plays in our feelings towards them.

“He's a murderer but like.... a cute murderer, y’know?”

This goes hand in hand with the whole first impressions thing we’re talking about, but rather than talking about the character’s traits, dialogue, history, and overall character, we’re talking about physical appearance.

This is something I want to touch on even though I already know the answer to it. It’s just a food for thought sort of idea that I wanted to explore given how much we talk about our favorite characters appearances while discussing them with one another.

Let’s face it: We’re all a little shallow at some point in our lives.

“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” is bullshit. I pick up that book in the first place because it’s pretty and has sprayed edges. The only reason I put it back it is because I can’t find an actual summary of the book because publishers think we want to read a bunch of “Best book of da year!” by Who The Fuck Cares written all over the place rather than an actual summary...

....What was my point?

Oh, right, character design.

When we’re first introduced to a character, we immediately make a judgement of them based off their looks.That’s not to say that our opinions remain the same based on our first impressions after only looking at them, but it’s something we do initially. 

Game developers, artists, writers, and directors will usually strive to make their characters as visually appealing to us as possible because that’s what makes us go “ohhh they pretty *picks thing up.*” 

There are issues that develop from this, such as unrealistic expectations of what true beauty is and how it actually affects the audience. After taking in so much of this content, I started to wonder if it had any affect on why we have “Problematic Faves” and if there IS something linked within the way we view them as physically attractive. 

While I believe that appearance is an important factor in character development and is what draws us to them, it’s also a bit more complicated than that.

One of the many things I adore about the final season is it’s character design for all the students at Ericson. All of the Ericson kiddos have their own unique looks and manners of which they hold themselves.

Sure we’ve got Louis and Violet, who we all gush about all the time on how beautiful they are. How many times have we talked about Louis’ freckles or Violet’s eyes or just how gosh darn pretty we think they are while incorporating it into writing our fanfics or headcanons or creating out artworks of them?

But what’s great is that they aren’t all “conveniently attractive” or someone a shallow Hollywood director would look at one time and say “there’s our star!”

Willy is a fan favorite among many in our community. What I love about his design is his teeth. He’s a kid growing up in the apocalypse without proper dental care. His teeth are crooked, there are gaps between them, and he’s even missing some. If that same Hollywood director were to look at him, they’d either slap some extreme braces on him or cast him as a tree troll. 

But not everyone has those perfectly straight pearly whites. Some of us have crooked teeth, or we’ve had painful braces to try and straighten them, or we’ve lost or broken a tooth at some point. You know how refreshing it is to see a character as likable as Willy show up with that smile of his while still being considered a fan favorite? 

Speaking of refreshing, what about Ruby? Everyone loves Ruby. She’s not tall and thin, she’s short and thicker. 

I remember seeing nasty posts questioning why someone like Aasim would have any interest in her because of the way she’s built, and that that pisses me off. 

It’s so damn great to see someone like Ruby portrayed the way she is in this game. As someone who IS more on the shorter and heavier side, it’s hard to find a character like this who doesn’t suddenly become slim therefore “prettier” over the course of the story or who isn’t a terrible or whose weight and build is all their character is. The last movie I watched that featured a plus size main character was that god awful Sierra Burgess movie on Netflix and that character made me want to punch things. 

All I can say is thank god for Ruby.

Speaking of which, how about Omar? He’s short and stocky, too, but y’know what? We made this dude a GOD. What does that tell you?

These are examples using more minor characters that fall into that non-”Problematic Fave” tier, but what about our characters that do?

I used to have a strong theory that some characters got more love and attention JUST because they’re more attractive to the audience, even if their character is boring, holds little to no plot relevance, or is an “evil” being beyond forgiveness.  

It’s a theory that I believe still holds some truth, though I think that truth lies more with the younger fans, or those who aren’t quite as mature. 

As someone who has worked around elementary school children, as well as 13-14 year olds, I think I can safely make the assumption that they tend to take things at face value a good chunk of the time.

Pretty person = Good!

Not pretty person = Bad!

That sort of deal. 

So, the question I pose is:

Does a character’s level of attractiveness have an effect on our willingness to forgive some of their more problematic behaviors?

I’m sure most of you read that and said “Uh, is this a trick question? No?”

When you think about the kinds of stories that we’re always told about the beautiful princesses who are pure and good and the ugly stepmothers who are evil and bad, it’s not hard to see why the younger ones would see things as more black and white rather than a shade of gray. 

If the pretty princess poisons her “evil” stepmother during their morning tea, how easily do we forgive her just because we’re told that she’s a pure, pretty princess? We know poisoning someone is bad, but... if the stepmother was ugly and evil, then the princess must have had a reason for doing this, right? So... it’s okay... right?

Is the princess justified in her actions, even if the stepmother wasn’t doing anything more than drinking her morning tea?

I look at that and say, “No,” whereas a much younger person might say, “Yeah. The stepmother was evil.” 

Young children are fascinating to talk to, by the way. They’re sponges who absorb knowledge like you wouldn’t believe but somehow they still take everything at that face value and believe whatever the “good” person says in a story until you help them see the bigger picture. That’s why they tend to be more susceptible to falling for twists. 

But once you explain to them the more complicated elements of the princess and the stepmother, they’re intelligent enough to grasp that the princess is wrong. 

I believe once we grow older and open ourselves up to more complex stories full of gray characters, learning about them through experience, we start to see that beauty isn’t just in the eye in the beholder, but also that it doesn’t mean shit at the end of the day. 

You can have the most beautiful person in the world be your main character, but if that beautiful person drowns a bag full of kittens, suddenly they aren’t so attractive, now are they?

One of a kid’s favorite example of a good-looking antagonist is Hans from Frozen. 

While I think the whole “he was actually evil the whole time haha we fooled you” thing in that movie is garbage, I give it credit for being the first exposure of this concept to young kids, sending them down a path of looking at different characters they see in a new light. 

We like characters who are attractive because, well, they’re attractive. But we’re  also mature enough to know that their attractiveness isn’t solely based on their appearance. It’s merely the seed that only grows with development, personality, and an arc. It only makes up a small portion of why we like a character in the first place. We know that just because someone is good-looking, it doesn’t justify their actions. 

But for those who are still growing out of those black and while fairy tales and just starting to expand their views of different characters while learning that looks can be deceiving, are they more likely to forgive a character or not fully understand that they’re in the wrong just because they’re visually pleasing? 

Another example outside of TWDG that I can give you is Nathan Prescott from the game Life is Strange. I’ve mentioned this game several times before, and even wrote a whole segment on it in my Louis and Violet essay from a while back. 

When I was a young lass, I picked up this game and really liked it. I wasn’t as into it as I am TWDG, but I liked it enough to play every episode as it came out and then check the tag to see what everyone thought. 

While browsing this tag, I noticed that a lot of the fan base seemed young. Makes sense, it IS a game starring teens set in an academy setting and I was young, too. 

But with that, one thing that always bothered me was how a number of young people talked about Nathan. 

Nathan who, if you haven’t played the game, is one of the antagonists. They would gush about this kid, seeming to make up excuses for the appalling things he did and it felt very tied to his looks. 

I’m sorry to any Life is Strange fans who might’ve been one of these young fans... but that really is the impression I got at the time.

Maybe I just didn’t get the hype about this dude who drugged girls so he could pose and take pictures of them because of his weirdly under-explained relationship with the surprise villain of the story, but he doesn’t seem like the type of guy to get all “Poor, precious, beautiful baby boi didn’t deserve this !” about. 

Then again, if writing this has taught me anything, I might have missed something by not being involved with that fandom, but what I gathered was that he didn’t become the redeemable character they all thought he would be and they didn’t like that, so it becomes harder to try and justify the things he did because he didn’t end up being good in the end even though they all thought he would be. I guess. 

But, gathering that a lot of them were so young and going off the content I predominately saw... I don’t know. It didn’t ever feel right. I had suspicions that lead to this theory. That’s what I’m saying. 

This can apply to other fandoms, too, where a group of people will take a character/person they find attractive and gush about how pretty they are rather than anything else that makes them interesting. Not everyone, of course, but I get the feeling you all know what I mean and have come across something like it before. I’m just trying to explain it. 

Or maybe it is just me and you have no idea what I’m talking about. 

Either way. 

Returning back to our “Problematic Faves,” lets ask this question about them in particular. 

How much of David’s attractiveness plays into my love of him? 

I mean, he’s not a bad looking dude. In fact, I dare say that the Garcia brothers are both very attractive guys. I give ‘em both a 10/10. 

But does that actually aid in my actual feelings towards him at all? 

What about the others we’ve talked about so far?

I don’t see many people talking about how pretty they think Kenny is... though his mustache IS majestic and that’s something we all agree on.

And Lilly’s okay. I guess. 

Nate could be a good-looking dude if he’d just put his crazy eyes away.

I believe our best bet it in getting a more clear answer to this question would to be take a quick look back at Minerva.

Remember how I said Minerva was so hyped up based on a two second appearance in the ep3 trailer? Granted, we did have more than JUST her appearance to form this hype around.... but admit it, a huge part of the hype was how good she looked.

She looked awesome.

Hell, just seeing her had me excited to see what she would do in ep3, even though I had the feeling she wouldn’t be an ally.

I used to have a hard time wrapping my head around why so many people love her as much as they do, and I previously thought it was based a lot on her appearance.

Is it ignorant and shallow of me to think y’all loved her based solely on her looks?

Probably. Yes. Yes, it was.

Now that I’ve looked into this further, I see that there’s more to the love and interest surrounding her, but..... it’s kind of what my first thought was? In the beginning? 

Either way, it’s still an interesting idea to consider when thinking about a character you love.

With that said, what if we apply this question to a character who is less of a “Problematic Fave” and more of my “God Tier Fave.”

You all know that Louis is my favorite character across ALL the games. My love for him is vibrant, but one of the many things I love about him IS his character design. He’s a visually appealing guy, and his personality, different traits, dialogue, flaws, and character arc only build onto the attractiveness of his character.

If Louis didn’t look like this, would I still love him?

Assuming that everything else about him is the same, then yeah. 

What if the developers went with the concept art of him that looked like a odd Harry Styles knockoff? Would I still love him?

Again, I want to say that I would, assuming that everything else about him be the same. But going with that certain concept art does take away an important aspect of his character and his relationship to Clementine.

Many of you have told me how much you appreciate the fact that Clementine and Louis represent a sweet, healthy black couple. That’s important to all of us. If we went with the first concept art, then that’s something we’d lose. Would we still ship clouis? Probably, but again, that important element and representation is lost and that would affect our overall opinion of it, even if just a bit.

But, what if Louis looked exactly as he does now, but were to do something awful? Would I still love him?

Well, my first instinct is to say, “Yes.”

In ep3, Louis tells us that he purposely broke up his parents marriage because his father wouldn’t let him take singing lessons. He broke into his father’s credit cards and made it look like he had a mistress, then made sure his mother knew about it. He did this over the course of a year. Then, when the divorce was finalized, he threw his father’s words back in his face: “You get to be happy or you get to be rich. You can’t be both.”

Knowing this, I still love Louis.

What he did was awful, but the reason I don’t hate him or even like him any less is because of how he acted while telling us. You can feel the guilt and remorse in his voice, the shame that he was once a person who thought that was okay to do.

He did that a long time ago, he learned from this terrible mistake he made, went as far as to punish himself by taking on a irresponsible, piano-playing jokester persona who anyone rarely ever took seriously. Louis changed for the better and he’s still a likable, relatable, lovably character despite this.

But in order to dig a little deeper into this idea of attractiveness and just how far we’ll go to try and justify a character based solely on their looks, I then thought:

 “Okay, then consider this: What if Louis and Minerva switched places with him doing all those things she did that made me dislike her? Would I still love him?”

And things got a little complicated.

Because my immediate first thought was “Yes.”

That shocked the hell out of me.

Why the fuck would I be okay with LOUIS acting the way Minerva did, but not MINERVA herself? That makes no sense.

Louis betraying us on the boat by knocking Clementine out and locking her in the cell isn’t suddenly okay because it’s LOUIS.

Louis showing up on the bridge to try and murder Tenn isn’t suddenly okay because it’s him and not MINERVA.

The reality is this: If Louis and Minerva traded places, I wouldn’t love Louis. I don’t care how attractive his character design is, I would feel the same way about him that I feel about Minerva. I love Louis for who he is within the context of the canon game, but if Louis traded places with Minerva, he wouldn’t be that Louis that I love.

The problem with asking myself this is I know Louis’ character and I want to think the best of him. I’m attached to him. I don’t want to imagine him doing anything that horrible because I know that would be an breaking of his character. His appearance has nothing to do with it. 

But my first instinct was to side with him. 

That’s when it all came together.

A character’s appearance is important in the first impression, but our perception of that character’s attractiveness is only elevated or lowered based on the important things: personality, backstory, relationships, flaws, fears, regrets, change, and complete character arc. 

So how does this apply to my love for David?

Well, it eliminates any possibility that I only like David just because he’s pretty.

Perhaps I’m not so shallow after all.

Yeah, that’s the conclusion of this segment: something I already knew. But, I felt it was a concept that could spark some thought about what attractiveness really means while debunking any idiots who may grasp at straws with the insult of, “You only like [blank] and excuse their toxicity because you think they’re hot!”

... except the Life is Strange community might come after me for implying a nicer version of that towards one of the antagonists... but hopefully you understand the point I was attempting to make in bringing that up as an example.

I like David’s design, but him being an attractive dude isn’t why I like him. If anything, his looks being appealing to my eye is at the end of my long, complicated list of why I like him.

Conclusion:

Looks matter initially, and our perception of a character’s attractiveness is either elevated or lowered based on the more important qualities of their character, problematic or otherwise.

[continued in 4/?]

[nerianasims]

Billboards #1 1972

Under the cut.

Don McLean – “American Pie” -- January 15, 1972

I grew up without having a clue what McLean was supposedly singing about, so I figured it was some weird fantasy thing. Maybe he meant it to be deadly serious, maybe not. He's always refused to explain it, which is the smart move. I find it fun like a big Broadway song.

Al Green – “Let’s Stay Together” -- February 12, 1972

I'm always predisposed to love soul music. And this is Al Green, singing a heartfelt song to his love that they should stay together forever, through everything. "Loving you whether, whether/ Times are good or bad, happy or sad." It sounds like marriage vows. Great song.

Nilsson – “Without You” -- February 19, 1972

I have to be in a particular kind of mood to enjoy this song. Cheerful enough not to mind pure, unadulterated soft cheese. Sort of the emotional equivalent of eating cream cheese plain. Nilsson sounds like he truly means it, which is what saves the song. It is fun to belt out the chorus along with him.

Neil Young – “Heart Of Gold” -- March 18, 1972

Okay but so why do you deserve a heart of gold? You've been searching and not found one, but maybe if you did things to draw someone with a heart of gold to you, it wouldn't be so hard. Yeah, the narrator of this song annoys me. To be honest, Neil Young's voice kinda does too. It's one of the rare songs where I prefer the instrumental parts to the sung parts. The harmonica's great. Actually I think I might prefer this song if it were entirely instrumental, because it is pretty. Otherwise, meh.

America – “A Horse With No Name” -- March 25, 1972

The subculture you're in is more important to your life than whatever bigger culture it happens to exist within. And in the 90s, my subculture loved Wally Pleasant, the local East Lansing comedy folk singer. On his album "Songs About Stuff," there's a song called "Lost Weekend Las Vegas." He takes off from a Michigan winter to Las Vegas. There, he meets a "real nice showgirl," and in a conversation with her, he brings up "A Horse With No Name." "You know that song/ By Neil Young/ She said you're wrong/ Neil Young didn't sing that song." I can never hear "A Horse With No Name" without thinking of "Lost Weekend Las Vegas."

Wally Pleasant at one point sings, "I've had about enough of this crazy stupid trip." I kinda feel like that silly humor song has more to say about life than "A Horse With No Name." But "A Horse With  No Name" sure sounds good.

Roberta Flack – “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” -- April 15, 1972

Roberta Flack is an amazing singer, and this is a good love song. But I don't like it. It's too drawn out and slow. It was originally about twice as fast, and that doesn't surprise me. When a song doesn't seem to have any type of beat, it can give me a headache, and this one does.

The Chi-Lites – “Oh Girl” -- May 27, 1972

Doing this list, I have come to realize how much I like the harmonica. I always knew I liked it, but never knew before that it's in my top tier of instruments, like the alto flute and cello. The harmonica in this song laments even better than the singer, Eugene Record, who is great. As for the lyrics, the singer has cheated, and it's pretty strongly hinted that peer pressure to be macho had a lot to do with it. "All my friends call me a fool/ They say let the woman take care of you/ So I try to be hip and think like the crowd/ But even the crowd can't help me now." He needs new friends. He's completely helpless, emotionally, without his "girl," and now he's gone and screwed everything up, and he knows it. A beautiful song with much more to say than about just one relationship.

The Staple Singers – “I’ll Take You There” -- June 3, 1972

This is a gospel/funk song about heaven. It's musically good, but so repetitive I can only handle about a minute of it.

Sammy Davis Jr. – “The Candy Man” -- June 10, 1972

So this is a thing that happened. "The Candy Man" is a song from the Gene Wilder Willy Wonka movie, which bugs me in the ways it changes the book's plot, though I still like it. The song should never have been a hit, let alone a #1 hit, let alone one sung by Sammy Davis Jr. He sounds embarrassed singing it, and I'm embarrassed listening to it. Sammy Davis Jr. deserved multiple #1 hits -- he was the best singer of The Rat Pack -- but not this one. It's depressing that this is what he got.

Neil Diamond – “Song Sung Blue” -- July 1, 1972

I don't like Neil Diamond. I don't particularly dislike Neil Diamond either. To me, Neil Diamond exists when I am reminded of his existence and then flickers out as soon as I am no longer forced to think of him. This song sounds like a nursery rhyme. Subject: Everyone gets sad sometimes and sings the blues. There are good songs about that. This is not one of them.

Bill Withers – “Lean On Me” -- July 8, 1972

This is one of them. Not just good, but great. The melody is simple, as is the concept. But it keeps building and building. Truly great.

Gilbert O’Sullivan – “Alone Again (Naturally)” -- July 29, 1972

Well this song is weird. It's jaunty, though it is in minor key. And it's about how the narrator was stood up at the altar and plans to kill himself. And how also his mother was destroyed when his father died. And how his mother died too. And now he's "alone again, naturally." I don't like it at all. It needs to be different musically, and even then I wouldn't like something this wildly depressing.

Looking Glass – “Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl)” -- August 26, 1972

A lot of sailors want Brandy, but she's in love with a man whose only true love is the sea and that's why she turns them all down. That's her excuse, anyway. I think she wants to be a sailor like the guy, and she understands not wanting to settle down because she doesn't want to either. It's a fun song to sing along to.

Three Dog Night – “Black & White” -- September 16, 1972

It's a song about racial harmony. It's simplistic, but that's okay, it's a pop song. I wish it weren't so musically simplistic.

Mac Davis – “Baby, Don’t Get Hooked On Me” -- September 23, 1972

The narrator is telling "you" that he can tell you're falling in love with him, and that you shouldn't. A guy did this with me once. Turned out he was actually falling in love with me and was projecting or something. So that's how I see this song. Except the song is worse, because it's incredibly annoying musically, with a weird beat and strange gaps. Also it's smarmy.

Michael Jackson – “Ben” -- October 14, 1972

Michael Jackson was only 14 when he sang this song, so I'm not going to get into it deeply. It's a friendship song to a killer rat in a horror movie, though so... that's a thing.

Chuck Berry – “My Ding-A-Ling” -- October 21, 1972

It's a 46-year old man pretending to be a little kid singing about his own dick. I can't begin to comprehend why it was a hit, or why it was even a thing in the first place. Yech. Moving on.

Johnny Nash – “I Can See Clearly Now” -- November 4, 1972

In the song, the narrator still has problems, but he can see how to solve them, finally. It's sort of reggae-ish, but very lightly. It's a great, optimistic song.

The Temptations – “Papa Was A Rollin’ Stone” -- December 2, 1972

This song takes a bit to get going, but I don't mind at all. The music and instruments keep changing up, and the great bassline propels it all. It builds up the tension in a great way. Then, finally, a Temptation starts, "It was the third of September." I'm not to that point listening to the song yet, and I didn't look it up. But I know this song. It's in my blood. It's unflinching. "Never heard nothing but bad things about him." The song doesn't try to pretend to any uplifting or hopeful message. But it feels so good. That's the blues, whatever genre it's slotted into.

Helen Reddy – “I Am Woman” -- December 9, 1972

"I am woman, hear me roar." She's not roaring. She's meowing maybe. Maybe if Reddy had sung the song with more power, people would have been scared by it. I like the lyrics, which are sadly still very relevant, though we have come far. But the music belongs with some peppy love ballad.

Billy Paul – “Me And Mrs. Jones” -- December 16, 1972

Oh god I love this song. Billy Paul's a jazz singer, and uses his voice like an instrument. And he gets every drop of sadness out of the song without melodrama. He's not self-pitying, and while he's heartbroken, he's still thoughtful. It's a beautiful song about an adult going through being a cheater. For someone with a conscience, "going through" is the right term. This guy's not sleeping around carelessly. "We both know that it's wrong." He fell deeply in love with someone else. It happens. The song is beautiful and heartbreaking and I adore it.

BEST OF 1972:  "Papa Was A Rollin' Stone" by The Temptations  WORST OF 1972: "My Ding-A-Ling" by Chuck Berry

[haosvteen]

send your requests!!

a/n: send in a number with a member and i will write it :) feel free to send in more than one number! i can also do these at a text au! love you all <3 (there’s 265 prompts so a lot to choose from)

masterlist

Angst:

1: “ Not you again.. ”

2: “ Leave me alone. ”

3: “ Why do you hate me? ” 

4: “ I thought you loved me. ”

5: “ I don’t need you anymore. ” 

6: “ I can’t believe you! ” 

7: “ We can't keep this up forever. ”

8: “ Don’t leave me… ”

9 “ I never meant to hurt you. ”

10: “ Are you upset with me? ”

11: “ I wish I’d never met you. ”

12: “ Please don’t hurt me like this. ”

13: “ Thanks for nothing. ”

14: “ Don't call this number again. “

15: “ You need to leave. ”

16: “ I’m sick. ”

17: “ There was never an us. ” 

18: “ So that’s it? It’s over? ”

19: “ I came to say goodbye. ”

20: “ I don’t deserve to be loved. ”

Love:

21: “ I’m so in love with you. ” 

22: “ Isn’t this amazing? ”

23: “ I wish we could stay like this forever. ”

24: “ Will you marry me? ”

25: “ I need a hug. ”

26: “ You’re special to me. ”

27: “ I’m going to keep you safe. ”

28: “ Do you trust me? ”

29: “ Can I kiss you right now? ”

30: “ You’re cute when you’re angry. ”

31: “ We’d make such a cute couple. ”

32: “ Can we cuddle? ” 

33: “ It’s lonely here without you. ” 

34: “ I can’t stand the thought of losing you. ”

35: “ Shut up and kiss me already. ”

36: “ Are you flirting with me? ” 

37: “ Is that my shirt? ”

38: “ You own my heart. ” 

39: “ I want to protect you. ” 

40: “ What's the matter? ” 

41: “ Did you do something different with your hair? ” 

42: “ Stop being so cute. ” 

43: “ You’re making me blush! ” 

44: “ You’re teasing me again… ” 

45: “ They’re going to love you, don’t worry! ” 

46: “ Oh, Are you ticklish? ” 

47: “ Of course I remembered! ” 

48: “ You’re one hell of a girl. ” 

49: “ Are you jealous? ” 

50: “ Hold me and never let me go. ” 

51: “ Stop hogging all the blankets! ” 

52: “Let's run away together. ”

General:

53: “ Catch me if you can! ” 

54: “ I’m fine. ” 

55: “ Are you drunk? ” 

56: “ We can't go in there… ” 

57: “ Give it back! ” 

58: “ Well this is just great. ” 

59: “ Don’t touch me. ”  

60: “ Not sure if you could tell, but I’m not exactly a people person. ”

61: “ This was fun— Let's do it again sometime!” 

62: “ I didn’t do it! ” 

63: “ I did it… ” 

64: “ I don’t remember that! ” 

65: “ Well that’s pretty rude of you to say. ” 

66: “ Get that thing away from me! ” 

67: “ You owe me. ” 

68: “ Why are you naked? ” 

69: “ You did what?! ” 

70: “ You have… Superpowers? ” 

71: “ Why are you bleeding? ” 

72: “ Don’t make me come over there myself! ” 

73: “ That wasn’t funny. ” 

74: “ This tastes horrible. ” 

75: “ This is delicious! ” 

76: “ Are you mad at me? ” 

77: “ Stop ignoring me… ” 

78: “ I love that show too! ” 

79: “ Can I borrow that book of yours?” 

80: “Let's blow this joint. ” 

81: “ Let me help you with that. ” 

82: “ Take that back! ” 

83: “ Wanna go see a movie with me? ” 

84: “ No way, that’s so lame. ” 

85: “ What are you listening to? ” 

86: “ I brought you your coffee. ”

87: “ Run! ” 

88: “Let's run away together. ”

89: “ I haven’t slept in four days… ” 

90: “ Your turn to do the dishes. ” 

91: “ Was I really that drunk? ” 

92: “Give me back my phone! ” 

93: “ Are you cold? ” 

94: “ This place gives me the creeps. ” 

95: “ I swear my house is haunted. ” 

96: “ Did you hear that? ” 

97: “ It’s just your imagination. ” 

98: “ Just how stupid do you think I am? ” 

99: “ Go back to bed. ” 

100: “ Are you okay? ” 

101: “ Thanks for helping me back there. ” 

102: “ Since when have we ever been friends? “ 

103: “ What on earth are you wearing? ” 

104: “ I can’t feel my legs! ” 

105: “ Put me down! ” 

106: “ There’s only one bed… ” 

107: “ It isn’t what it looks like! Okay.. Maybe it is… ” 

108: “ I read your diary. ” 

109: “ This is awkward. ” 

110: “ Do you think you can teach me that? ”

111: “That’s starting to get annoying.”

112: “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

113: “I’m too sober for this.”

114: “I’m not here to make friends.”

115: “I need a place to stay.”

116: “Well, that’s tragic.” Jun

117: “You’re seriously like a man-child.”

118: “You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”

119: “The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.”

120: “Dear Diary…”

121: “She’s hiding behind the sofa.”

122: “They’re so cute when they’re asleep.”

123: “I’d kill for a coffee…literally.”

124: “You’re getting crumbs all over my bed.”

125: “Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

126: “What’s the matter, sweetie?”

127: “You’re Satan.”

128: “I don’t want to hear your excuse. You can’t just give me wet-willies.”

129: “I’m bulletproof…but please, don’t shoot me.”

130: “Did you just hiss at me?”

131: “Do you really need all that candy?”

132: “It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”

133: “I swear, I’m not crazy!!!”

134: “The diamond in your engagement ring is fake.”

135: “No. Regrets.”

136: “I haven’t slept in ages.”

137: “I locked the keys in the car.”

138: “Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?”

139: “Take your medicine.”

140 “They’re monsters.”

141: “Welcome to fatherhood.”

142: “Why can’t you appreciate my sense of humor?”

143: “It’s your turn to make dinner.”

144: “The kids, they ambushed me.”

145: “Sorry isn’t going to help when I kick your ass!”

146: “Stop being so cute.”

147: “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

148: “You need to see a doctor.”

149: “It was a joke, baby. I swear.”

150: “I didn’t think you could get any less romantic.”

151: “Safety first. What are you? FIVE?”

152: “This is girl talk, so leave.”

153: “You’re a nerd.”

154: “I’m late.”

155: “Just get home as soon as possible, okay?”

156: “You smell like a wet dog.”

157: “I could punch you right now.”

158: “Are you going to talk to me?”

159: “Welcome back. Now fucking help me.”

160: “If you can’t sleep…we could have sex?”

161: “Here, take my blanket.”

162: “I don’t want you to stop.”

163: “How could I ever forget about you?”

164: “You’re bleeding all over my carpet.”

165: “Run for it!”

166: “We need to talk.”  

167: “Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.”

168: “I’m not wearing a dress.”

169: “I’m not wearing a tie.”

170: “Don’t argue. Just do it.”

171: “I hope I’m never stuck with you on a deserted island.”

172: “Hold still.”

173: “I just ironed these pants.”

174: “Enough with the sass!”

175: “Show me what’s behind your back.”

176: “I’m not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor.”

177: “Stay awake.”

178: “STOP INTERRUPTING ME!”

179: “You’re not interested, are you?”

180: “I’m not buying Ikea furniture again.”

181: “Tell me you need me.”

182: “Oh honey, I’d never be jealous of you.”

183: “I’m telling you. I’m haunted.”

184: “I had a bad dream again.”

185: “It’s Christmas, don’t be mad at me.”

186: “What did I say about doing reckless things without me? It’s less fun, isn’t it?”

187: “Okay, that is exactly what we are not going to do.”

188: “Can you chill for one minute? I want to get ice cream.”

189: “You want me to kill them? I’m free Tuesday.”

190: “If we weren’t in a small diner, I would have killed you by now.”

191: “Oh sorry, I just don’t care.”

192: “Ever just laugh because your life is a joke?”

193: “Was that your attempt to kill me? Cute.”

194: “You act like I’m doing this to be a jerk, but I swear I’m not. I want you to be safe more than anything.”

195: “Are you mocking me?”

196: “Oh sorry, did I forget to tell you?”

197: “You look like you need a band-aid.”

198: “Can you calm down for one second? I’m trying to save us.”

199: “I kinda wanna go get ice cream, but I also kinda wanna throw an ax.”

200: “You talk a lot of trash for someone with such a breakable neck.”

NSFW: 201: “ Bite me. ” 

202: “ Fuck me. ” 

203: “ Do you like it when I touch you like that?” 

204: “ Okay.. This is new. ” 

205: “ Want to head back to my place and have a little fun? ” 

206: “ You’re in trouble now. ” 

207: “ What a pretty sight. ” 

208: “ Bend over. ” 

209: “ On your knees. ” 

210: “ The food looks great but... There’s something much more delicious i’d like

to eat right now. ” 

211: “ Lay back. ” 

212: “ Take off your clothes. ” 

213: “ Well, fine; just this once. ” 

214: “ I’m waiting. ” 

215: “ You’re so beautiful. ” 

216: “ As you wish. ” 

217: “ First one to make a noise loses.” 

218: “ You have no idea what you do to me. ” 

219: “ If you’re bored; Wanna have sex? ” 

220: “ I've wanted this for so long. ” 

221: “ Car sex looks so much easier in the movies. ” 

222: “ Can I touch you? ” 

223: “ Open up. ” 

224: “ No strings attached. ” 

225: “ Already? Do I really have that much of an effect on you? ” 

226: “ Mine. ” 

227: “ The nights still young. ” 

228: “ We can't do that here! ”

229: “ Behave. ” 

230:“ What did you just say? ” 

231: “ Good girl. ”

232: “ Come here. ”

Soulmate AUs:

233: You get a craving for whatever your soulmate is eating at the time.

234: You have the first words your soulmate says to you somewhere on your

body (and vice versa).

235: You have your soulmate’s name somewhere on your body.

236: Everyone is able to see each other’s aura. You and your soulmate have the same-colored aura, and you will stop seeing auras completely after you meet them.

237: You can communicate telepathically with your soulmate.

238: Your internal voice is the voice of your soulmate’s, rather than your own.

239: You can feel what your soulmate is feeling (and vice versa).

240: Anything you draw/write on your own skin appears on your soulmate’s.

241: You have tattoo(s) of the things your soulmate loves.

242: You have a compass on your body that leads you to where your soulmate is.

243: If you dye your hair, your soulmate’s hair color changes as well.

244: You have the date that you’ll meet your soulmate tattooed somewhere on your body.

245: You have a tattoo that changes color depending on what your soulmate is feeling.

246: You share a dream with your soulmate when you’re both asleep.

247: Everyone has a journal that allows them to write back and forth with their soulmate.

248: The outline of your shadow is your soulmate.

249: You have a tattoo of how old your soulmate will be when you meet.

250: You have a tattoo of your soulmate’s initials.

251: Every so often you will get flashes of what your soulmate is seeing at the time, however, your soulmate does not know when it happens.

252: You will receive the same injuries as your soulmate (unless deadly).

253: You can taste what your soulmate is eating at the time.

254: You get flowered tattoos wherever your soulmate receives a scar.

255: Once a year, starting on your 16th birthday, soulmates swap bodies for a day if they have not met yet.

256: Your chest will glow when you get close to your soulmate.

257: You and your soulmate share the same talents. What one learns, the other can also do.

258: If your soulmate is listening to music, you can hear it too, and it gets louder the closer you are to them.

259: The closer you are to your soulmate, the more color you can see. The farther away, the fewer colors.

260: Your heart beats your soulmate’s name in morse code.

261: The name of your soulmate appears on your skin after you meet them.

262: You are deaf until you meet your soulmate, whose voice is the first thing you hear.

263: You can only see color when you and your soulmate are touching.

264: You are born with the fingerprints of your soulmate somewhere on your body.

265: Your soulmate’s current thoughts about you will show up on your skin for a short while.