#Will not be exploring that tag ever again

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

I've been thinking about cnc with brat Wooyoung..... thoughts?

➯a/n: i just fainted, hit my head, fell down eight flights of stairs, died, and CAME BACK TO LIFE TO WRITE THIS OMGBEJFOWW i rarely write dom reader cause im rarely feeling dominant myself but GAWWAD THIS WOKE UP SOMETHING INSIDE OF MEE

Ruin Me

❥Jung Wooyoung x fem reader

✈︎queued for: wed 4th

(>ᴗ•)genre: smut

➯cnc disclaimer: CONSENT IS SEXY. all parties are and always will be consenting in my stories. cnc is a way to explore power dynamics and it's attractive to many people, it does not "promote s/a", the first c is CONSENSUAL. you should only ever do it with someone who you trust. be safe and stay freaky !!

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: established relationship, brat wooyoung / mean reader / switch dynamics, the cnc goes both ways and you will see what i mean, unprotected ( booo 🍅 ), use of a cock ring, crying from being edged + hair pulling + slapping + hard degrading + spitting (all wy receiving), biting + choking (reader receiving), sloppy kissing, matching each others freak on a celestial level, fuck-fighting / rough housing, pinning each other down, saying i love you during dirty nasty sex, name calling including: calling woo a brat, toy / dildo, bastard, slut, fuck meat / reader gets called tease, fucker, fuck hole. pet names including: baby ( going both ways ) / baby boy, angel / pretty girl

♡masterlist + tag form !♡

₊‧⁺stardust˖⋆ @everyonewooeverywhere @willowwyy @sousydive @sunnysidesins @onyxmango @devilzliaison @ateezswonderland @queenofdumbfuckery @emilysecresy

18+.MINORS GET OUT.

ꕤ

When your boyfriend says, "ruin me," he means it.

He means spit in his face, smother him in your cunt, make him choke on a strap-on, wrestle with him until his roommates have to put on the noise canceling headphones they keep within an arms reach, treat him like the brat he is — ruin him.

"Stop squirming." Slap.

"Fuck!" His hips buck into you from below, his cock twitching inside of you from the sting. "Get off of me and I w- I wouldn't have to!"

You shove his shoulders right back into the mattress when he tries to sit up, pinning him as best you can with your feet over his thighs while you start rolling your hips again. "Just be a good toy and let me use your cock~"

"Shit-" He gasps, head tilting back into your grip on the ends of his hair, "oh~ You little fucker!" He squeezes his eyes shut, tears welling up from the burning ball of pleasure inside of him that has nowhere to go. Not with the cock ring you slipped on him while he was 'asleep' on, anyways. It just stays there. Right in his pelvis and spreading to his stomach as it burns him up from the inside out; making him sweat.

"Shut up," you slap your palm over his mouth, "stupid brat." Your eyebrows push together, breaths heavy against your own fingers as you press your forehead to his. "You can't help that damn mouth of yours, can you, baby? Never shut the fuck up..."

Your voice trails off in a moan as you continue your harsh grinding; driving his cock right into your g-spot. "Good for nothing piece of fuck meat." His eyes roll back into his head, loud moan muffled by your hand as he scrambles for something to hold onto.

His fingers twist up in the fabric of your large sleep shirt. You had stripped him completely, leaving him bare and vulnerable while you still had almost all your clothes on. You only lost your pajama bottoms, your panties pulled to the side.

"Open your mouth," you groan as you still on top of him, prying it open for yourself and shoving two of your fingers in.

"Bratty bastard," you smirk as he instinctively licks your digits while you stroke his tongue, "trying to act like you don't want to be my free use slut~ I feel your cock leaking inside me, you needy toy-" He blinks dazedly as you lean over his face, a loud whine stuck in his throat as you spit right into his mouth. "I bet you want to cum sooo bad, baby boy... Just admit you like it when I use you against your will~"

Even though it's not against his will; and it never would be —

He mumbles a disagreeing 'nuh-uh' under your fingers, making you chuckle. You pull out your fingers and wipe them across his face, "fine. Be like that. You don't get to cum. You really are nothing but my fuck meat today."

A shaking gasp trembles off his swollen lips, hands holding onto your waist tightly as you begin bouncing. "Fu- good god! Baby- Oh, baby, please! S-stop!" You had been doing nothing by grinding, swirling your hips — he doesn't know if he can take this without going crazy. He can feel his pleasure teasing his every nerve; like a cup about to overflow if one more drop is added.

You grab his wrists, canceling out any weak attempt he makes to throw you off. "Mh~" Your moan as you ride his painfully hard member so selfishly makes him cry. You sound so pretty, it makes him want to cum even more. Maybe if he starts begging now you'll let him- "Oh, yeah~ Fuck- stay still, you brat. I'm gonna cum..."

His brain is tingling. Wanting to beg, 'do it, pretty girl, do it! Make yourself cum with my cock!'

"You f-fucker," he groans, fighting back against you weakly as you grab his wrists and pin them to the bed, "don't- don't!"

"Why not, huh? Think if I cream all over you, you'll cum?" You slap his flushed cheek again, panting as you slam yourself down on his length. "Think you'll cum from being held down by your girlfriend and bounced on like a useless dildo?"

You know he would — he would have long ago — if not for the cock ring holding him back.

"I know- know you would," you grab both of his cheeks roughly, cupping his face, "you're such a slut, angel~"

He groans into your mouth brokenly, barely able to breathe as you clench and flutter around him; riding him all the way through your leg-trembling orgasm.

He almost cries with relief when you finally still on top of him, shoving your tongue into his mouth and letting him suck at it as you both moan and breathe heavily.

When you trade, his tongue in your mouth, his soft noise of pleasure is almost a purr.

You rub your thumbs across his stinging cheeks softly, giving your hips one more slow swirl before you lift them off of him. A silent 'keep going'.

When you pull back, the thick string of spit between you snaps and lands on his chin.

"Thanks, baby," you hum as you lick it up before shoving his face and rolling off of him, "you're a satisfying toy for being such a brat."

He pants for a moment, catching his breath as his cock twitches — searching for your snug warmth. "Fuck meat, huh?" He huffs with a smirk growing on his lips.

"That's what you are, baby boy~"

He bites his lip as he rolls the cock ring off of him — he almost cums then and there in his hand.

But why do that when he's got you laying right next to him?

You yelp as he pins you onto your stomach, immediately buried balls deep again with a guttural moan. "Fuuuuck, baby~"

"Get off me, you bastard-"

"If I'm your fuck meat," he shoves your face into the sheets with his hand on the back of your head, leaning to your ear, "then you're my warm little fuck hole."

His immediate, frenzied thrusts knock the wind from your lungs. Even though you had used a silent signal that you were still ready to go — you were sensitive. "You're such a tease," he groans into your ear, biting at the lobe, "thi- think I'm gonna let you get away with using my cock like a dildo and not let me cum? Guess what, love?"

His chest is heaving against your back, balls slapping against your clit as he slams into you as deep as he can; begging for release. He spreads your legs with his, driving deeper.

"It's my turn to use you."

"Ah! You a-asshole, that's too deep!" He's, in reality, been much deeper before.

"What~?" He's chuckles breathlessly, his sweat dripping from his chin onto your clothed shoulder. "What's that, pretty girl? Fuck you deeper? Hm, if you i-insist~"

You shout into the mattress as he snakes an arm under you and presses against your lower stomach. "Oh, shit! Wooyoung!" You thrash under him as he pushes you closer to another orgasm with his palm pressing against his cock through your pelvis.

The sound of his name coming muffled as he keeps your head shoved in the blankets makes him pull away quickly — because his own orgasm almost slapped him in the face.

"Turn over," he growls, his body itching for release so badly that he's crying again; blinking his tears away quickly as he flips you over, "you little fucker, you're a goddamn tease, my pretty girl."

He slaps your hands away as you go to stop him from laying on top of you; your fingers ending up laced together as he slides back into you and starts pounding. "Perfect fuck hole for me- fuck, fuck, yes! Oh, m'gonna cum~ Ah, I love you, baby... Damn- fucking take it."

Your attempts at stopping his hips with your feet only end with him folding your legs over you, making you wail as he slams deeper; your feet dangling over his shoulders. "Please, angel! I can't take it! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" You know he's not going to stop unless you say your safe word, and you don't want him to.

"Shut the hell up, pretty girl," he licks up your heated cheek, letting go of your legs to wrap his hands around your neck, "you're gonna take my cum. You got yourself in this mess."

"Wo- ngh~" You gurgle on a moan as he squeezes your throat with both of his hands, letting your eyes flutter shut as he chokes you right into an Earth-shattering orgasm. Your breath trembles under his throat, your legs falling off his shoulders and spreading wide for him to continue his ruthless, hurried thrusts.

The second he lets go of your neck and sinks his teeth into you, you know he's about to cum. And he does. Hard.

Moaning like a porn star rather than an idol, hips stuttering, teeth in your flesh, sweat down his back, cheeks red with your hand print. Lewd, squelching noises fill the air as he fucks you through his prolonged release; his cum all but splashing between you as he slams his hips to yours. The final slap of his skin against yours echoes as he stills deep inside of you and collapses on top of you.

Wordlessly, he starts licking at the indentations on your neck as you wrap your arms around his shoulders; both of you trembling messes in each other's embrace.

When your boyfriend says, "ruin me," he means it.

Ride him until he cries, make him your personal toy, slap him until his make-up artist is concerned for his wellbeing, pull his hair, call him names — ruin him.

Because he will always return the favor.

ꕤ

[alexispunkkk]

get free

♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰ ♰

god only knows — chapter 9

read the series!

last chapter | next chapter

- warnings: kissing, sex, unprotected sex, orgasm, dacryphilia, virginity loss, innocence loss, religious trauma and guilt do i even need this warning anymore??, HELLA body worship, you love joel's happy trail (who doesnt??), finger sucking, lowk spit kink wtf, it doesn't fit.., crying, hypersexuality, joel's dick is huge thanks and he has a BELLY (i'm feral), tons of banter aw, god i love this man, lana del rey lyrics and inspired title woohoo

- summary: further physicality and vulnerability--this time in joel's bed. with no cross necklace on.

- word count: 5.8k

on ao3

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Still wrapped in the afterglow and feeling of his mouth on you, your chest rises and falls under Joel.

The weight of him on top of you is solid and warm, pushing you into the bed in a sheltering way. His chest brushes yours with each breath, hips pushing down and body slotted between your legs the same way his tongue slides into your mouth. 

His stomach is soft where his shirt rides up, pressing warmly against yours. Weirdly domestic. 

There’s heat radiating from every square inch of his body, enveloping you in a protective embrace as if letting you know he’s not letting you go again. Not after tonight, definitely. Not after being the honorary figure to take your innocence. 

Candidly, his mouth feels like a promise. He’s got you. And when your lips disconnect, he hears a soft breath, and sits up between your legs.

Your hands move forward, aching to touch him. The exposed sliver of stomach gets worse when you push the shirt up, attempting to unbutton the rest of it to no avail.

“Butterfingers,” Joel chuckles softly, sitting back on his knees.

He does the work for you, unbuttoning each little piece of hard plastic with ease until his broad torso is fully exposed. And fuck, he’s gorgeous. 

He’s slimmed down the tiniest bit since the last time you’ve seen him, probably due to the obsessive behaviors to distract himself from you. Maybe cut down on the beers. Whichever way, he looks incredible. 

He continues, shrugging off the button-down and getting up to discard his belt and jeans. Comes back in only a pair of black boxers, tented and hugging the unmistakable bulge over his crotch. 

It’s covered, but it's undoubtedly huge. Enough to make you salivate.

The second he’s back between your legs, he’s admiring you in a way you’ve never felt before. Your fingers rest nervously on your own stomach as you feel the unfamiliar weight of a man over you. The real, physical body of a man–hard, tanned, everything. Not God, but Joel. Solid and strong but softened over the years, a few scars littering his body: one on his chest, on his right hip, and the one on his temple you’ve memorized. 

Joel notices the way your hands twitch and quickly wraps them up in one hand, lifting them to his mouth, lips all pink from working relentlessly between your legs a few minutes ago.

“Still good, angel?”

You nod quickly, feeling your heart quicken with the gentleness in which he’s touching you. The way his single hand can collect both of your wrists in one grip, so large compared to you. The way you can feel the heat radiating through the thin fabric of his boxers. The way he looks at you with utmost tenderness like the sweetest thing he’s ever seen–or tasted. 

“Still good,” you answer with a dopey smile, eyes scanning all over his chest. Seeing a man like this for the first time feels adjacent to making sense of an old English passage back at school–unfamiliar, but incredibly rewarding. “Very good.”

He laughs again at your emphasis with the ‘very,’ watching the way your gaze gravitates to his lower stomach. He frees your hands, letting you explore.

Your first stop is the happy trail leading down his stomach. 

His dark, wiry hair is grayer than you’d expected–curly and covering his chest, leading down to that sweet area with the little ‘v’ that, essentially, is giving you an arrow down to his cock. Everything about him is so thick and grown, showing off years of experience. Years of working and carrying. 

“Don’t gotta look at me like that,” Joel notices your fascination, shaking his head with a crooked grin.

“I’ve never seen this before,” you defend yourself, sitting up and smiling like an idiot while you take him in. You don’t mean to stare, he’s just so real looking. 

That earns an amused huff from Joel. He moves to flop down beside you, stretching out and facing you on the bed. 

“Never seen what? A man?” 

You groan dramatically and laugh, stuffing your face into his neck. You only peek out a few moments later, looking up at him with candied eyes. 

“Yes, a man. Shirtless, y’know. Like this.” You gesture toward his lower stomach, the hair disappearing into his waistband that’s reserved a spot in your brain by now. Pointing somewhere private and forbidden that you crave to see. 

Joel raises an eyebrow, watching each flicker of your eyes down south.

“This givin’ you trouble?” He smirks, splaying a large hand over his lower belly. The hair comes out, curls around his fingers, and you almost drool.

Biting back another stupid laugh, you nod, teeth caught on your bottom lip. “Maybe.” 

He reaches for your hand, gently taking it in his and leading it down to his stomach. 

“Come on, baby. You’re allowed to touch, y’know.” 

Obviously, you’re not gonna decline that offer. Your fingers graze the ridges of muscle, the veins leading down to where you want to feel most. He’s so strong even there, so solid. Warm and alive, human enough to be a little ticklish–you can tell when he twitches in place. It makes both of you chuckle.

Knowing that this isn’t really something you’ve seen before or gotten to experience, he lets you explore. Like he’s a fucking map, letting you drag your fingers wherever you please.

And he’s pleased as well. Proud, warm, and entirely yours to traverse. 

“S’totally unfair,” you smile, pressing your face into his shoulder while engrossed in his stomach.

“What’s unfair?”

“How good you look.” it’s the most foolish thing you could’ve said, but it speaks volumes of truth. It is actually unfair that he gets to live and look like this, and you’ve waited until now to get a feel of it.

Joel snorts, giving your arm a gentle shove, rubbing the spot soon after to ensure that it didn’t hurt–even with how soft the push was. He shakes his head in disbelief, but you swear you can see a faint blush on his cheeks.

“Shut up,” he smiles, kissing the top of your head. “S’not that big of a deal.”

“I’m so serious right now.” you pout up at him. “And it is a big deal. You’re so manly. N’ real. Hair and scars and a belly and everything. Big, too.” 

That earns another laugh from him, a real one. Deep in his chest.

“Big?” He repeats in disbelief, bracing himself up with a grunt and flipping you onto your back again, crawling over you. 

“Big,” you confirm, blowing hair out of your face when he climbs over you. With familiarity, your legs spread, and he lays between them. “Like, big and warm. S’a good thing. You can protect me or something, I dunno.”

Joel leans down, his mouth brushing your mouth again to quiet you down, to stop you from making a grown, hardened man blush. 

“Alright, alright.” He smiles and shifts his weight to support himself on one arm, the other moving down. “That’s enough out of you. Quit it with the sweet-talkin’.”

His hand finds the sweet spot between your legs, gently spreading your folds back open to check how wet you are.

And just to his suspicions, you’re entirely soaked again. Dripping. His fingers slide through with ease, collecting slick on them and humming in approval. 

“No. I’m just being appreciative. You could throw me against a–”

Joel takes the two fingers he just slid through you, lifting them and quickly slipping them between your lips. That cuts you off. 

You can taste yourself on his digits, stronger than earlier when he kissed you after eating you out. You let out a muffled squeak, eyes going wide, but your tongue instinctively wraps around them and gives them a gentle suck. 

“Jesus, girl. Talkin’ too much,” he huffs when you start to suck at his fingers, taking them out of your mouth and wiping the mix of saliva and arousal on the sheets underneath you. “You done?”

Clearly, you’re not, because you grab for his wrist and put the two fingers right back into place in the warmth of your mouth. 

“Nope.” you murmur, voice muffled by the two large digits stuffed between your lips, catching your tongue in place. 

Oddly enough, it feels unfamiliarly comfortable for them to sit in your mouth like that. The taste of yourself comes second to the feel of Joel–the roughness of his fingers, the warmth, and the curve of his knuckles. This time, you don’t suck to tease. More to savor the taste and feeling, because it feels good. Yes, it’s filthy. But it’s safe. You feel kept–you feel like Joel’s. 

He snorts when you continue to suckle them, but his thumb brushes your cheek with a gentleness that can’t be ignored. As much as he is loving teasing you right now, he can’t help fall victim to the softness of it all.

“Okay,” he softens and smiles. “C’mon now.” 

He gently directs his fingers from your mouth, letting your tongue detach before slipping them out. He hesitates for a second, but cleans off your saliva in his own mouth.

When Joel lifts his hand, sucking the excessive amount of your spit off of his own fingers, your breath hitches in your chest. It’s like he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing, as if it’s some instinct for him, and it’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen. 

The way his fingers slip out with a pop and the way his eyes are locked on yours the whole time is enough to make your hips jolt up. And of course, he feels it.

After–very self-indulgently and deliberately–sucking those clean, he smirks and sits up, grabbing the backs of your thighs.

“Don’t get shy now,” he whispers, beginning to kiss a soft trail up your chest. It moves toward the right, his lips grazing the skin near your armpit before continuing up your arm, lifting it as he works. “You’re the one who tasted em’ first. Just had to get my chance.”

“You make it look all sinful, though.” you whine, leaning back and arching up as he presses kisses to the expanse of your skin. 

Joel shakes his head, lifting his head when he decides he’s done with the kisses. Hovering over you, he gently collects both of your wrists in one hand, pushing them behind your head.

The fact that his hands are big enough to hold two wrists as if it’s the easiest thing–oh god. 

“Enough with the whinin’.” Joel advises, lifting your chin with his free hand and pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth.

His lips seem to do the job, because you’re shut up in seconds. Your eyes gloss over again, all hazy and admiring, looking at him like he hangs the moon. 

Once you’re quiet, the air settles a bit more, your breaths synchronising again in soft waves. His hand remains firmly around your wrists, anchoring you to the bed in a protective manner, but his head moves down. Your lips attach, and everything stops.

Again.

You’ve kissed Joel a few times now, but each time, it still catches you off guard all the same.

You’ve gone all these years with only one lousy kiss from a college boy, now into your young adulthood and never having any experience. And Joel Miller has to be the one to take it. He kisses you with such certainty and soft reverence, like you’re the only thing he has left on this earth. Like he’s afraid to break you any further.

No rush to it. No push, not too much fervor. More of a quiet passion, kept in the secrecy of Joel’s little house. The weight of his palm is as steadying as his mouth is, tethering each part of your body into the safety of his bed. 

Joel exhales against your cheek mid-kiss, and you respond with an adjacent sigh into his mouth. 

Sighing because you realize that for once, you’re doing something ‘bad’ and not allowing the loop of your father’s preaching and God’s rules rotate in your head. 

And it feels so, so freeing to not have that following you anymore.

Eventually, though, his pace does pick up. His lips move quicker against yours, his tongue working overtime to explore every bit of your mouth. The grip around your wrists tightens without him noticing, and it’s working you up too fast.

You don’t really know how to handle it. It feels good, but it’s awfully overwhelming. 

He feels the pace of your breathing and heartbeat pick up, your hips shifting under him and the quiet sounds of slight worry slipping from your throat and into his. Your body is betraying how much you want this, but also the embarrassing inexperience you possess. It scares you.

Joel, of course, doesn’t think it’s embarrassing. He’s not here to judge you.

He stops, lifting his head, those softened caramel eyes meeting your glossed-over gaze. 

“Honey,” he begins, brushing a loose strand of hair back. His breath is all over your face, making you too warm. “It ain’t a race. Calm down a bit.”

He finally lets go of your wrists, hands trailing down your arms–fingertips grazing your skin with recognition of your nerves. They meet your hands, gently lacing your fingers into his and offering a tight squeeze.

His voice is a warm reminder that he’s here to take care of you, not hurt you.

“You tell me when you’re ready for more. I’ll lay here as long as you need.” 

You nod, taking a deep breath and squeezing his hands back, bringing yourself back to a normal state. It takes a few seconds, but you calm down enough to speak.

“Sorry.”

“No.” Joel shakes his head, voice now abruptly stern compared to the last time he spoke. “No apologies. You’re not doin’ anything wrong.”

He sits up, taking a deep breath as he gazes over the stretch of your body underneath him–your legs around him, bare skin exposed all for him. Every inch of you. His. He gently holds your waist to move you down a bit, getting you nice and comfortable on his bed.

You should feel a little insecure. It’s your first time doing anything, your first time being bare in front of a man like this. Hell, you normally feel insecure walking around with a full set of clothes on.

But Joel’s gaze doesn’t make you self-conscious. It might be a little heavy, but it’s careful. Admiring you with a passion you’re unfamiliar with. It slows your heartbeat, pulling you into the simplicity of the moment, especially when his hands meet your thighs again.

He leans down, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. Then one to your cheek. Then a single peck on the lips. 

“You’re quiet now. You ready for more? Done with the compliments?” He smiles, patting your shoulder and leaning back again. He’s settled between your legs, strained against the fabric of your boxers, but somehow still looking like some strange, giant teddy bear.

His gruff exterior is replaced with a stupid grin, one that only you can elicit. 

Your need resurfaces at the sight of him leaned back like that, so thick and muscled. The light hits his chest just right, making his hair glow in an angelic way. His hand remains on your thigh, gently fondling the meat of it while he takes a deep breath in.

“Alright. That means you tell me if you wanna slow down or stop. We’re gonna go slow. Gonna make sure it’s right for you, yeah?” He whispers after seeing you nod.

“I know.” you nod again, hips shifting just a bit–making it obvious to him that you’re not trying to wait any longer.

Joel’s gaze stays focused on you while he shifts back himself, just enough to get his legs out from under him. His hands move slowly, dragging down his body until they meet the waistband of his boxers.

The main thing you’ve been ogling for the past twenty minutes. 

His fingers tangle into the mess of hair leading down to the band for a second before slipping in. The fabric slides down slowly, and your breath hitches with each little hair or vein that gets exposed. 

The movement is gentle despite being vulgar, still so reverent. You’re looking at him like he’s something sacred, with the simple act of undressing himself. And he ensures he's not rushing it–just as promised–letting you watch each stretch of skin with utmost patience.

When they slip free and he gets the fabric off, tossing them on the floor, you can almost feel yourself salivating.

His body is so warm and real, but his cock is a further demonstration of the masculinity you’ve been drooling over all night. His muscles flex with each movement, the length of it bobbing back and forth when he moves closer. It’s all so unpretentious, and he’s much too casual being exposed like this.

But that’s what makes it feel good. The domesticity of it all, the fact that you’re comfortable enough to lay naked next to one another.

Joel’s gaze is on you the entire time, but yours is locked downward. When you finally take a break from ogling his cock, you look back up, giving him a bashful expression–earning a smile, of course.

He moves forward, spreading your thighs open to reveal an even wetter mess of the pussy he ate earlier. But he doesn’t tease, just opens them up and settles down between them with a quiet sigh. 

One more kiss to your cheek, and another chaste one to your lips, before he strokes your hair and leans down. 

“I’m so glad you’re here.” he whispers into your ear. “And I’m glad to be the one doing this with you.”

The way he whispers makes you shiver on the spot, your thighs trying to close around his body that he’s stationed between them. The thought of making you shy like that only entices him to whisper more.

“Gonna go nice and slow. All you gotta do is breathe and be here with me. Got it?”

All you can do is whine, but Joel needs confirmation.

“Got it?” he repeats, the gruff side of him coming out for a moment, because he’s not playing around with the consent. 

“Got it.” you manage out, voice tremoring in anticipation.

He hums, a low rumbling in his chest when he sits up again, grabbing the base of his cock. He lines it up against you, tilting his head while he takes in the sight of his tip pressed against your soaked flesh.

Again, he’s not trying to rush you. Thus, he resorts to slowly dragging the fat head of himself up and down your slit, collecting slick and massaging soft circles against your clit. It has you wailing. Not just whining, but wailing. So fucking desperate for anything after going too long without any much-deserved dick. 

Joel smiles when your crying picks up like a lost puppy, freezing in place and positioning himself back at your entrance. 

“Okay, baby. M’sorry.” he leans down, pressing an apologetic kiss to your lips.

You’re shifting and bucking unhappily, waiting for anything, but he needs just another moment. 

“Slow and steady, remember?” he whispers, getting only an unhappy groan from you. Grumbling, he continues. “I’m serious. This is probably gonna hurt. Don’t even know if I’m gonna fit.”

As if ignoring everything he’s trying to tell you, you whimper again and buck up, trying to push him into you the slightest bit more to relieve anything. 

Joel groans back, pushing your hips down and shaking his head in indignation.

“I said I’m fuckin’ serious, okay? Calm down. I don’t wanna hurt you.” 

The sudden aggravation in his voice alarms you enough to stop moving. You shut your eyes and nod, taking a deep breath and forcing yourself to stop shifting up toward him.

“Thank you,” Joel sighs, rubbing your arm and giving your hand a gentle squeeze. This time, he keeps it locked in his grip, knowing already that you’re gonna need something to hold–even if you don’t think you will.

“You ready?” He checks one more time. And this time, you don’t give him a needy whine. Just a quiet nod, a squeeze back to his hand, and a gaze that tells him you’ve waited your whole life for this.

He grabs his cock again with his free hand, collecting enough of your slick on himself to lubricate in preparation. Once wet enough, he looks at you, slowly pushing in–only about half an inch.

Your hand twitches nervously in his grip, your hips shifting up and eyes shutting to brace yourself. Fuck, you didn’t expect it to be this big–you’re regretting the bit of sass you gave him.

As Joel pushes in further, it all seems to get worse. It fucking hurts. 

“Okay, okay. Shh.” He has to stop when he’s only halfway into you, leaning down to kiss your cheeks and stroke your hair. The way you’re already wailing has his heart breaking. He doesn’t want to hurt you, just wants to give you a good first time.

Your voice catches in your throat as you try to tell him something, but he just kisses you through it, as if some weird method of distracting you. His forehead is against yours, nose brushing against your own, his hips beginning to rock so slowly after giving you a few seconds to adjust.

But no, it doesn’t help. You cry out again, gripping tightly into his hand, so hard that your fingernails leave little crescents on his skin.

“Easy, angel. Shh.” Joel whispers, one hand on your hip and the other laced in yours. “I know it hurts. We’re goin’ real slow, though.”

Both the nerves and the pressure of it all are truly getting to you, forcing uncontrollable sounds from your throat. Mixes of whimpers, cries, and a very distant sound of pleasure make him feel both aroused and bad for you.

He stops for a bit upon seeing a tear slip, frowning and kissing it away.

“Cryin,’ baby?” 

You nod, whimpering and leaning your head forward to bury against his shoulder. He huffs, letting go of your hand to wrap you up in his arms. 

“Let’s stop, then. S’okay.” Joel whispers. You feel bad that you’re making him stop, but the stretch is burning enough to make you not protest it.

Joel slips out slowly, and the relief is immediate. You sigh and let your head fall back against the pillow, shamefully wiping away the fallen tears from taking a lousy four inches of him. The frustration and embarrassment makes your throat burn, your head turning and burrowing into his pillow to hide.

“Uh-uh. No hidin’.” He gently pulls your shoulder back, flipping you back around. He lays down next to you, facing you and pulling the covers over your body in hopes it’ll make you feel less embarrassed. “Don’t gotta do that.”

“I do, though.” You whisper back, sniffling and moving closer under the comforter. His arms wrap around your body, pulling you against his chest until your legs tangle up and your head finds his neck.

It upsets him to hear you so guilty. He’s there in an instant, kissing the top of your head and making it all feel better. 

“No. Nothing to be embarrassed about.” He responds, voice muffled by your hair. “I knew it’d be too big.” 

“I feel stupid.” you nearly cut him off, deepening his frown.

The thought of you feeling stupid for something as silly as not being able to take him on your first time astounds him. 

“You’re not stupid. It’s your first time, baby. Doesn’t always feel good, y’know.” He reassures, stroking your back now until he feels your heartbeat slow to a normal pace again.

You don’t respond, nodding against his skin and sniffling a final time. Joel simply holds you there until you’re good to talk again.

It takes a few minutes, but you come back to life. Despite it hurting, you’re still needy, and you still want him to be the one to take this for you. Joel’s still Joel, and he’s still incredibly handsome and big and warm against you. 

“We can try again.” 

You cut the silence, whispering against his neck.

Joel’s hand pauses on your spine, his eyebrows furrowing down at you when you remove your head from his neck. 

“...You sure?”

“Yeah. Just… give me a bit to adjust.” 

And within seconds, the two of you settle right back in. There you are, for the second time, laid back with your legs spread open, his large body settled between them and the tip of his cock pressed against you. He recites the same rules he’s been saying all night, the words “slow” and “tell me” and “s’okay” all jumbling together in your mind.

You nod each time, distracted by the sight of him pressed into you. 

Joel isn’t in as much of a rush, though. He’s being even slower this time to make it feel better.

He leans down, pressing kisses everywhere yet again. Your knees, your belly, your chest. Every inch of you that trusts him to do so. After ending on your lips, he sits back, holding your hips and notching his tip into your entrance.

“You promise me you’re ready?” He asks, raising his eyebrows in utmost seriousness down at you.

“Promise.” You nod softly, holding your hand out expectantly for him to hold. 

Just as he’s about to attempt and move into you again, you pause. Your hand awkwardly stutters in his, fingers letting go to trail up to your neck.

You’ve spent your life trying to pray the want away, but here you are opening your legs for a man after failing the first time. Somehow, under Joel’s touch, the shame disappears. No more sin, but comfort. 

The little silver cross hanging around your neck has been there for years–even after abandoning the church in college, you never really took it off. It’s part of you. Surely it’s molded into the skin on the back of your neck by now. But right now, it doesn’t feel right. Being with Joel means choosing him, not God. Choosing the moment–choosing yourself.

“You sure?” Joel asks hesitantly as your fingers move up to unclasp the necklace, because he knows how big of a deal that is to you. There probably hasn’t been a day you went without a cross since you were a baby.

And you are sure.

“I’m sure.” You whisper back, getting it unhooked and handing the cold metal chain to him. He nods, setting it on the nightstand before leaning back into you. 

Joel trails a hand up your hair, pushing some back before leaning down. In between gentle kisses, he whispers.

“Good. I’m proud of you, sweetheart.” 

Hearing that he’s proud of you about removing the cross means the world to you, a million times more than him taking your virginity means. He’s proud of you.

Your whole life, everyone around you would probably have screamed if you took it off. And Joel’s here, embracing it. Helping you get rid of it. Digging you into a further hellhole of sin. 

And you love every minute of it.

Something about everything that’s happening is incredibly freeing–the sex, the removal of the necklace, just being with him–and it’s the best feeling you’ve had in a while. You’re taking your life and independence back from God, giving it to Joel.

“Didn’t know I could do it.” You whisper back quietly, a shy smile crossing your face when he gazes down at you.

He huffs in amusement, shaking his head like he’s truly never been prouder. 

“You can. And you did.” He smiles, pressing a fat, wet kiss to your forehead and taking your hand back into his. 

Joel leans back, spreading your legs one last time before realigning himself. His hand stays locked in yours, squeezing as he notches his tip only half an inch inside. 

“Breathe for me, now.” He instructs carefully, waiting for you to nod and breathe properly before trying to push in again. 

Of course, it hurts. But this time, the burn feels better. Painful, but in a rewarding way–theres a hint of pleasure coming through the waves of pained stretching. 

He stays for a moment longer, only a little past the tip pushed into you. His forehead rests against yours, mouth parting and hot breath grazing your face with each little gasp. His hand squeezes yours again in gentle reassurance when he feels you clench around him.

“Breathe.”

He reminds you every few seconds, voice a hushed rumble right by your ear. He’s right–you’re forgetting to breathe. Forgetting how to breathe, even. 

It doesn’t feel as important when Joel is easing into you, inch by tender inch, whispering praise and squeezing your hand in his as tight as he can. Not when the pain slowly gets replaced by a warmth building underneath it. Obviously, it doesn’t stop hurting entirely, but something is making it feel better.

Maybe it’s the freedom of not having the cross around your neck.

Maybe the feeling of Joel all over you. Nestled inside of you.

Maybe the thought that you’re in someone’s arms for once, being wanted, instead of waiting for a nonexistent being to be the one to save you.

You entirely zone out, eyes shut and hands gripping him so tightly, not even noticing how far he’s notched inside now. He fully bottoms out while you’re practically on another planet in your mind. He stills completely once balls deep, waiting for your breath to catch up with his and your thoughts to come back to the moment. 

“Doin’ good,” Joel pants into your ear, aiming a sloppy kiss to your forehead, but missing and landing it on your eyebrow instead.

Each roll of his hips has a sort of patience to it–he’s not rushing, he’s not taking you, but he’s giving something to you. You’d always thought sex would feel like something is being taken from you. But with Joel, it feels like a present he’s giving you. 

You let his care in, in the form of physicality and emotion. In breath and in your synced, panicked heartbeats.

He stays entirely still, not just for you, but for himself. Rubs his thumb along the back of your hand, lets both of your breath catch up before slowly pumping in and out again.

Your body trembles underneath him with each movement. It’s so overwhelming how he’s just there with you. You’ve gone so long without any connection, waiting for sex, and now Joel Miller is balls deep inside of you in his bedroom when your own father doesn’t even know you returned home yet. And fuck, does it feel right. 

“Feel me, baby?”

He asks, groaning right into your ear and eliciting a genuine whimper in return from you. 

Of course, in perfect unison to the question, you can feel his tip kiss your cervix. You wrap your other hand around his big shoulder, fingernails digging deep into his skin while you start to shake. 

“Yeah.” You barely manage out, gasping and writhing underneath him on the bed helplessly. The way he’s filling you is almost too much. You’re stuffed to the brim and on the verge of going cock-dumb because of it. 

“Good.” A nearly cocky smile spreads on his face, but there’s a quieter sense of happiness to it as well.

Your legs curl up a little tighter, wrapping up around his waist, pushing his cock impossibly deeper. You press your nose into the side of his face, whimpering softly. 

The ache of pain is replaced with a more familiar ache–the one you discovered recently, the one that bubbles up in your stomach and core, all warm and sensitive. You feel extra tired now, body falling limp and powerless under Joel’s muscled frame due to the brink of your orgasm.

He feels the way you flutter and tremble, the way you tighten up around him, and he knows exactly what’s coming. 

“Okay, okay,” Joel whispers when your whimpers pick up much louder. “I know. Just a little more. You’ve got it, don’tcha?” 

“S’too much.”

“I know, shh. I’ve got it, angel. All you gotta do is lay there. Only a little more.”

His voice is soft, but on the inside, he’s feeling feral. Of course, he’s going slow, but there’s nothing more he wants than to plow into you and coat you in his cum. It’s been too long since he’s had good sex, and the slowness of this is killing him.

But he’s still keeping your needs above his. 

Instead, he tries to refocus that desire by burying his face in your neck once your head tips back. He groans, inhales the sweet scent of your hair, and bottoms out a few more times into your tightening cunt. 

The movement makes you cling tighter to him, nails dragging down his shoulderblades and the muscles of his back while you start to entirely shiver. Your breath is completely broken.

“There it is.” He whispers proudly, keeping steady pace and ensuring he hits your cervix just one more time. “You’ve got it. Let go for me.” 

You don’t mean to, but you cry while your orgasm slips out of you. You tip over the edge, trembling in pleasure underneath Joel, but there are a few uncontrollable tears sneaking from the corners of your eyes.

And he holds you through it all, shushing you and gently stroking your hair. His fingers glide through each strand, scratching your scalp and trying to pull you back into a relaxation after the intensity of the moment. He doesn’t chase his own release, but watches you instead. Watches how pretty you look, crying and cumming at the same time. Listens to each of those little hopeless sounds you cry out against his shoulder.

“Good job,” Joel whispers after a minute, nosing at your cheek. “Took it so good.”

All you can do is whimper and shake your head, attempting to hide the tears while rubbing your face against his chest and collarbone.

“M’serious. I’m real proud of you, kid.” He gently releases your hand, moving to tilt your chin up instead. As usual, his gaze is warm enough to soften you up, to remind you to ease up and untense your shoulders. You nod and lean into him, breathing out in relief.

Being with Joel for the first time felt like crossing the threshold to the reveal of your heart. Not just your physical body, but you’re offering him everything that’s deep and unspoken inside of you.

He’s the only one. The only divinity you can possibly believe in. 

this wasnt fully proof read dont hate me soz

@joeldarling @melmel-fandom @ssssc0m @rafeovermorals @lilac-boo @funkifiedzee @mermaidbarlvr @seenthroughmia @umadirectioner @deardev0teddelicate @dingusandbats @lobotomyprincessdollangel444 @spreadlove-always @gingerwitchm @millersdoll @userdarkholme @joelscowgirl69 @bug-boy32 @moyavsemoya

[cosmiquenotes]

Accidental night stand???

𝙲𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚋 𝚡 𝙵𝚎𝚖!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

(Name), an aspiring researcher in the Farspace Fleet, gets her life in a mess when she accidentally sleeps with her boss.

word count: 2.5k

⋆˚࿔ in honor of Caleb's birthday, i come delivering this fun series/smau

if you want to be tagged in upcoming chapters, feel free to send an ask!!

divider credits: @/cafekitsune

Prologue

‘Wake up, coffee, work, argue with your boss, work, argue with your boss, go home

What an exciting routine. It is certainly a routine anyone would love yknow.’

Surely you would think my boss will somehow see my point of view and accept any research proposal and take me to one of the fleet’s trips? Nope. He lives to torment me.

If there is anyone I want to dropkick into the ocean right now, it would be my boss.

The Farspace Fleet Colonel.’

(Name) sighed, closing her diary and threw herself on the bed.

Another work day, another proposal denied.

(Name) is a very well-known character in the fleet, a genius in anything related to wanderers and protocores. She published a lot of papers that helped Akso Hospital in their research regarding Protocore Syndrome. She is someone who loves her work with a huge passion, and her dream was to work in the Farspace Fleet research center since this place will give her access to anything new that comes from Deepspace.

(Name) was one of the people who secretly investigated Lucius and exposed all his illegal research with Ever and that investigation caused Lucius to be thrown in jail and for ever to suffer a critical loss in finances and support from the public, causing them to hide away and losing their control over Skyhaven, with the city now under the full control of the Farspace Fleet.

She has worked for 5 whole years in the fleet, with her experience and achievements, everyone at the fleet trust her deeply when it comes to exploring Deepspace, she went on several trips with the fleet and with her medications and research, the fleet was able to deal with injuries and any encounters with mutated wanderers.

Well. That was until the fleet got a new colonel.

The new Farspace Fleet Colonel is like a wall made of iron, he is unapproachable, always serious despite everything in Skyhaven has settled down after Ever left. He is also the person who is giving (Name) a hard time at work. Every request she submits to join the fleet for a trip to Deepspace gets rejected, despite her backing it up with her evol abilities, reports about previous trips and recommendations from several high ranking fleet officers.

She tried everything, and she gets back a rejected request. The only good thing she ever received from him is a gala to celebrate her latest research on the new mutated wanderers that started appearing in the city.

“This is ridiculous. Who does he think he is huh? I know far more than he does when it comes to wanderers, I went on several trips with the fleet and came out unharmed and even the soldiers were unharmed, so why does he keep refusing me!” (Name) screamed into her pillow.

Well, luckily tomorrow is the weekend so she has time to think about how to approach him again and more importantly, unwind from this hectic week and meet her friends in Linkon.

“Everytime I send in a request to join the fleet and give him the reason why backed up with scientific research and even recommendations from several people, he rejects it. And you know what’s even worse? He keeps saying I will distract the fleet. Can you guys believe this?” (Name) huffed, taking a sip from her iced coffee.

“Isn’t your evol like, pretty strong on its own? Plus it is very useful too.” Yvonne replied, taking a bite from her cake, “You always help out the injured when a wanderer attack happens in the city. Plant manipulation is no joke girl.”

“Maybe show him what your evol can do if that is what he is worried about.” Xavier commented, taking a sip from his coffee. (Name) sighed and shook her head at his comment.

“I told him multiple times to see my evol in battle, but the only reply I get is ‘I’m busy’.” She replied, earning a chuckle from her purple haired friend.

“It’s like the old colonel told him to make your life a living hell or something.” Rafayel chuckled, earning a glare from (Name).

“This is not the time for jokes.” Yvonne said, clapping her hands together, “(Name), did you pick out a dress already? The party is tomorrow.”

“Well…. I went to the shop Rafayel recommended and got one already.” She replied, earning a grin from the artist.

“See, girl I told you, never doubt an artist. I’ll also do your makeup and make you look stunning.” He replied, (Name) smiled at him and nodded.

“Alright, thanks Raf.”

“Don’t try to drink too much alcohol though. The last thing you want is the alcohol giving you the courage to yell at the colonel in front of everyone.” Xavier warned, drinking from his coffee cup.

“Don’t worry. I won’t drink that much anyway.” (Name) replied with a grin.

“I fear you will regret those words later sis.” Xavier muttered, taking a bite from his cake.

The day continued with the group going around the mall and picking out accessories for (Name) to wear along with her dress.

Soon, the day of the party arrived, and for a party hosted by the Fleet, it was very elegant and filled with soldiers and officers from the Fleet.

(Name) hung around her colleagues from the research department, they are the only people she considered as friends in her workplace.

“Attention everyone.” The cold voice got everyone's attention to the front of the room.

There stood the Farspace Fleet Colonel. Tailored suit and cap elegantly placed on his head, sharp purple eyes scanning the entire hall as he had one hand behind his back and a hand holding the microphone to his lips.

He had a dangerous aura around him, an aura of dominance that gets every woman to fall for him. He's got everything, the looks, the authority, the money. Any woman would dream of a man like Caleb to look her way.

‘Delusional idiots. All these women throwing heart eyes at this man don't know his true nature. He is nothing but a self-centered peabrain who doesn't understand my value as a researcher and just how strong I am on the battlefield. He is a sadist who lives off my tor-’

“All of our great achievements would have never happened without the work of Fleet's research department. We are gathered here to celebrate the latest publication that helped the fleet in uncovering more secrets about Deepspace. Let's all give a round of applause for (Name).” His voice snapped the young researcher from her thoughts, smiling softly as everyone clapped their hands.

She approached the front of the room with her head held high and a haughty smile on her lips, she took the colonel’s outstretched hand and then turned to the crowd.

“Thank you. In my years serving the Fleet, I learn new things and use my years of education and experience to help out against attacks from wanderers in order to keep humanity safe from the dangers of Deepspace. Please enjoy the party.” (Name) finished off her speech and walked back to her friends as everyone clapped for her.

“Here’s to the Fleet’s pride and joy.” The department head said, handing her a glass of wine.

‘I know Xavier warned me about alcohol but it's just one glass.’ (Name) thought, grabbing the glass and drinking from it.

As the night passed, one glass became two, which became several.

“I- I need to step out for fresh air.” (Name) excused herself, taking her tipsy mind to one of the balconies to clear her head.

“Damn it…. I didn't want to be drunk today. What if I ran into that stupid colonel and proceed to yell at him for pissing me off?” The researcher muttered, resting her arms on the railing and looking down at the scenery below her.

“That's the first time I heard someone call the colonel stupid.”

“Well. He is. And he is too stubborn too. He rejected my requests 20 times. Can you believe that? 20. And his only excuse is that I’m not strong. He clearly didn't see my evol in battle.” She replied, turning around to look at the mysterious stranger who was willing to listen to her rant about her boss.

“Not to mention he never addresses me as Dr. (Name)! I did not spend my entire life doing research and getting a doctorate just for some guy to-”

“Sorry about that, I can see it now if you want to.”

Oh. Oh no.

(Name) felt the color drain from her face as her tipsy mind is trying to comprehend the fact that the mystery man is none other than the colonel himself.

“Y-You! Th-That was the alcohol I'm sorry.”

“It's alright.” He chuckled, grabbing her hand softly and leading her to a chair to sit on.

“Have some water first.” He said, handing her a glass of water which she quietly accepted and drank it.

“Well Dr (Name), you okay now?” He said with a smirk, making the researcher blush and look away.

“I'm good. Sorry for troubling you Colonel.”

“It's alright. So, about that demonstration…”

She raised her cup and smashed it on the floor, she then picked up a glass shard and made a cut on her hand.

The colonel watched as she summoned plants from the ground that quickly healed her wound, making it look as if she never got hurt in the first place.

“Not only that, but I can also heal any injuries from poisons, and also restore any limb if my evol was amplified. I can also poison wanderers and weaken them significantly. I am useful in battle, and you can ask anyone in the fleet, but you are just too stubborn.”

“Stubborn?”

“And prideful too. Just because you are the colonel doesn't mean you are above everyone else yknow. I for one know a lot about the fleet that you don't know about.”

“Like what?” He asked, placing his jacket on her shoulders when she shivered from the cold.

“I know where we hide the good coffee, I also know the best place in Skyhaven to get a nice warm bowl of noodles, and where to find the secret stash of snacks.” She said, getting up from the chair.

“And I won't tell you where they are. Since you are annoying.” She ended her speech with a huff, turning around and walking towards the exit.

After a few steps she stumbled and a pair of arms held her before she fell. She looked up and looked into the eyes of the colonel.

“Your eyes…. they are pretty. Like grapes.”

“Grapes?” He chuckled, leading her towards the elevators. “That's a first.”

“No one told you that before? That makes me special, a way to remember me.” She paused, turning to look at him.

“You drank too.”

“A bit. That's why we both need to leave and rest in our respective rooms.” He replied, entering the elevator and pressing the button to his room.

“Oh, I'm on the same floor too.” She giggled, leaning against him.

The colonel leaned back against the wall as she leaned on his arm.

“Are you treating me nicely today because it's my party? Or is it because you're tipsy like me?” She mumbled, looking up at the man next to her.

“I got used to treating everyone at the Fleet like that.”

“Oh. Did they try to kill you?” She asked, moving to stand in front of him and hold onto his shirt.

“How did you know?” His voice dropped, eyes gone cold quickly. (Name) quickly shook her head.

“People tried to kill me too. But after Ever got exposed and they had to hide, everything calmed down.” She mumbled, looking up at him.

“I keep my guard up anyway, if anyone tries to kill me they will get injected with poison.” This earned a chuckle from the colonel as he looked down at her.

The rest of the elevator ride was silent, when it reached the floor, neither of them moved from their positions.

“Well… Thanks.” (Name) said, pulling away from the tension and running down the corridor to her room.

“Wait!” A voice called out for her as the colonel caught up to her.

“I still have something to say.” He said, grabbing her arm and pulling her to him.

“Sorry…. for my attitude.” He said softly, cheeks dusted pink as he looked into her eyes.

‘Is he for real? Or is that the alcohol speaking right now?’ She thought, staring up into his eyes.

“Are you seducing me right now? Because it is working.” She replied, leaning up as he leaned down, resting his forehead against hers.

The sound of approaching footsteps jolted the two away from each other. The colonel quickly grabbed her hand and entered his room.

“Why is your room next to mine? Did you plan this?” (Name) asked when the door was shut behind her.

“Don’t know.”

“Colonel…. We can't do this yknow. You hate me, and I can't stand you. That is just the alcohol.” (Name) said, stopping herself from touching the man infront of her and turned around.

Before she could open the door, his hand slammed against it. His other hand held her shoulder softly.

“Are you sure about this?”

The night escalated, from thoughts and dreams of dropkicking the colonel into the ocean, to drinking with her friends, and finally sleeping with said colonel she wanted to dropkick into the ocean.

The night was wild, he was wild. He ate her out on the table then took her on the couch, with another round in his bedroom.

The sun’s rays hit the sleeping couple, causing the researcher to stir awake. As she tried getting up from the bed, a weight around her waist stopped her.

‘Wait. That is not my room, why are my clothes on the floor, and why is the colonel’s jacket on my dress- wait. THE COLONEL’S JACKET?’

(Name) slowly turned her head to look down at the figure sleeping next to her.

Dark hair, dog tag necklace, sharp jawline, his jacket on the floor.

‘Fuck. FUCK.’

As quietly as she can, (Name) wore her dress, grabbed her stuff and snuck out of the room.

As soon as she was out, she ran back to her room and checked out of the hotel as fast as she can.

Once safely in a taxi, she pulled out her phone to text her friends.

- - -

The Colonel stirred in his sleep, sitting up slowly as he opened his eyes.

His eyes narrowed when he saw the bed empty next to him and her clothes nowhere to be found. All that is left in the bedroom are his clothes folded neatly on a chair.

With a smirk, he got up and approached his neatly folded clothes.

"Fine. You can't run away from me in Skyhaven anyway." He mumbled with a chuckle.

Looks like work will get entertaining now.

[theonyxstate]

Who are your Favourite Blogs and people on Here?

ohh i have so many, i love my tumblr users. thank you for the ask!

fav people: @dyl-z @queermoons @psychoticallykind @butterli5 @my-castles-crumbling @faeyells (& i love their blogs sm too 💖) kas @/queermoons is filling my need for a polish marauders obsessed queer (?) mutual <333 fae is a sweet soul who writes fics that i love, @/butterli5 also writes & is so so wholesome ily<33 dylan & cas are also fic writing royalty and tumblr celebrities and you should check them out (if you don't know them already). cas writes microfics like they breathe them out, and every one is perfect; they also do anon advice asks💖 dylan is currently writing one of the longest and most popular marauders sm uni & fame AU mixed fic called "growing sideways" and when i tell you im feral, i really fucking am. and incredibly proud. like ahhb look at him😭💖 his account also features people repeatedly yelling at him for the fic's events (dont worry, he likes it)

fav blogs that i personally haven't spoken with: @crescenthistory @ellecdc @unconventional-lawnchair @moonstruckme y/n fic royalty, tumblr celebrities. they all create amazing, often very long fanfiction on tumblr (carina @/crescenthistory once wrote over 14k words fic. on a tumblr post. and every word was magic) & elle has fic collection so long you would think she must've started in xivth century lmao. she is one of the biggest marauders people here on tumblr. @/unconventional-lawnchair wrote my favourite barty x reader fluff, and to this day it's one of my comfort fics <33 to mae @/moonstruckme i got through her collaboration with elle in "Thawing Out", an incredible wolfstar x reader ice‐skating AU, and ever since i cannot stop reading those. i've read (almost) all of those creators' works. repeatedly. and will continue to do so

@honeycaksy @cannissmajor @spookeart @alexsays-no @meemoop - art royalty, celebrities on tumblr & other platforms, followed for art & stayed for both their art and personalities. @/honeycaksy is famous for her amazingly thought-out what-if-regulus-karma-was-him-having-a-child-who-looks-like-sirius AU featuring exploration of north african magic society. @/cannissmajor is best known i think for that one incredible realistic portrait of mary mcdonald and revealing later that he's literally 15 (still cannot believe it. his works are fucking amazing). @/spookeart is wildly known for that one moonwater smoking fanarts, but all of their works do big numbers here, on ig & pinterest. the only person i support on patreon😊 alex is famous for his "y brillamos juntos" jegulus fanart, but - again - all his works are praised (rightfully so). he's also making an indepentent comic project about navigating your identity, past, future and present, being a young mexican trans person & it's consuming me daily, i once sent him a detailed description of its characters based on their zodiac signs lmao. would support him on patreon if i had enough money xxx @/meemoop is known for her cutest drarry comics & illustrations, & "the veiled boy" fanfiction which she writes and illustrates

@interstellar-jay - ao3 fic author that in my head is a celebrity (writing royalty) & the fact that they tag me in their posts sometimes feels surreal. again, got there for their writing, stayed for writing & personality both. their fic "how far will you go?" is a long jegulus one, canon divergent and stunningly written. i am so invested in those characters i cannot bring myself to finish the last chapter because what if angst? i cannot see them suffering more😭 it's been months & im still on the edge

@outromoonyy @cosmicsmoony - they both write and marauderpost original content a lot & i obviously love it. honey @/cosmicsmoony is the person pushing me to try to write so if i ever post it, she should take credit xx

@moonyswarmsweaters @what-would-sappho-do @the1970sdeadgaywizard-regulus @regregregulusblack @equippedtolove - fav marauders blogs, chaos, comfort & angst guaranteed. they tumblr marvellously. reg @/regregregulusblack is my favourite rp account. reg @/the1970sdeadgaywizard-regulus is not an rp account & is also a part of a wild tumblr friendgroup. if you see any chaotic, multipart personal drama where you dont understand 1/3 of the words & it features one garden of runar account, that's reg's friends. i love the chaos but tbh i am not sure what i am a part of

@cosyfroggo @reallyrandombigirl @lettertovera - my favourite followers ily them so much<33 forever hunting argentinian remus fics with vera :p

@ghostcasket - the person behind The Hallmark Exes original story (where the story instead of the main clueless girls ™ focuses on two men who they left behind in the cities - Levi, one's [now ex] boyfriend of 4 years and fiancé, and Xavier, who was a boyfriend of 5 years and supposed to become a fiancé on christmas day). best turn of a bland and overdone trope ive ever seen, cheering him on in writing them some more!

18+ recs below the cut❗️

@indigostation @trstalks @rablovergirl @lurlurlurlurlur @z-eel - lovely blogs that i adore for their unhingedness, marauders nsfw royalty. indigo is the driving force behind moonwater and a tumblr celebrity (as are the rest of them. at least in their niche). be prepared for a ride with them (they are correct tho.) i cannot specify a single niche for each one of them because they exchange and prompt ideas between each other like a full time marauders nsfw company. zeel is the author of the pornstar polycule™ (moonwaterflowerkiller. dont jugde til you read). wild wild content that im here for

@until-the-house-shakes I AM SO SORRY, BACK WHEN I FOLLOWED YOU YOU AND MAE HAD PFP IN A SIMILAR COLOUR I THINK?? Anyways yeah i'm very sorry for confusing you two😣 you ARE one of my favourite blogs in here, though, so i'm keeping you here, if you'd let me. a writer, original content poster, author of the one and only marauders sm spider-man AU fic & trans reg getting out of an abusive relationship AU, @/until-the-house-shakes got my love for combining all of writing media to create loads of marauders content, and all of it is just wonderful. sfw & nsfw both. once again i apologise for the confusion 🙇 and i'm really glad you're back, even if this post didn't read like it😥❤️‍🩹

@anxiousthoughts365 - writes on ao3 and tumblr, both sfw and nsfw content. my lovely mutual, the first one xx i live for his drarry <33

and that's it from the top of my head! because yes, to be honest, im very fond of everyone i follow here <333

very sorry if i used someone's wrong name or pronouns! i dont remember all of those so if anything's wrong please tell me so i can fix it xxx

[bbuzz28]

Memories

Old man Fiddlestan, my beloved-and what's this? It could be semi-canon compliant :O ?!?! Woof- this is one of the saddest things I have ever written. I know some of you gremlins (affectionate) love that sort of thing, but I don't. I like really really don't. This is my comfort ship, so I don't even know where this came from other than trying to figure out how they *could* work in canon. Truthfully though, I prefer my Fiddlestan heavy on the comfort when it comes to the "hurt/comfort" genre. This is my only “angsty” (i.e. no immediate happy ending) Notes-app fics, so don't get used to this level of sad from me lol.

“Stan?” an oddly familiar voice called. Mr. Mystery, Stan Pines, glanced up from the flyers he was organizing and found that Old Man McGucket stood in the doorway of his front door. The last tour of the day had just left, it was dinnertime, and he was exhausted. Stan rolled his eyes as he unfurled his tie, wishing Soos was still there to escort the crazy old man off his property. No matter what he did, the old hillbilly always managed to find his way back to the Shack. “Sweet Moses McSuckit, what are you doing in here? Shoo, scat, or whateva will get rid of ya.” Hearing no movement, he looked at the man again and found he was standing erect. His blue eyes were the clearest he had seen them in no less than a decade.

          Wait, what did he call- oh. Oh no.

“Stan…ley? Did I…did I do somethin’ wrong?” the other man asked, his hands twisted in knots in front of him. Memories flashed through Stan’s mind; Ford falling through the portal, Fiddleford finding him passed out in the lab, working together to bring Ford home again…being together. Being happy. They had been happy, if just for a little while, hadn’t they?

Then there was the cult, and his discovery of the damn memory gun that had finally ruined everything they ever built. He took a hesitant step forward, a thousand thoughts roaring in his mind at once. “Fidds? Wha-what do you remember?” A bandaged hand snaked up and rubbed over the faded scar on the side of his head “I…don’t rightly know. Did we…I think we had a fight? I just woke up in the…in the dump. N’ I don’t have any shoes. Do ya know why my arm is in a cast?” Fiddleford looked so lost.

Stan knew in his heart that all of this was fleeting- “clarity” would hit Fiddleford every few years after he had finally wiped his mind of himself. Almost like his brain was trying to jumpstart itself back together. The first time they thought it was a miracle but…it didn’t last. It just started a trend that would follow them both for the next almost thirty years. Fiddleford would seemingly “wake up” and be lucid for a few weeks in the beginning, then eventually only a matter of days. It had been so long since the last time that Stan would wager, they only had maybe a few hours together if he was lucky.

The last time Fiddleford was himself…they had fought. Stanley thought he had figured the only way Fiddleford could stay; he needed to remember. Remember everything he had ever forgotten. At the time, Fiddleford had been unwilling to try. He didn’t think he could handle it; he knew he had forgotten what he had for a reason.

Stanley had gotten as close to begging as he ever had in his life since surviving Tijuanna, and when it had no effect…Stanley had told Fiddleford to leave and never come back. He had left that night, and by the next day he had faded away again. After a while, Stan thought his last words had been the final nail in the coffin that was Fiddleford’s mind. He carried that weight along with every other mistake he had ever made. But here he was. Fiddleford. His Fiddleford.

He took a deep breath before he opened his arms up. “Hey, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter. I’m right here.” Fiddleford rushed through the doorway, melting into Stanley’s open arms. “I went away again, didn’t I?” Stan could feel Fiddleford’s tears soaking into his chest, his own whispering at the edges of his eyes. Yes, and you will leave again. You will leave me and I will be alone all over again, you fucking asshole. “Hey cowboy, didn’t I just say not t’ worry about any a’ that? You’re here now, n' that’s what matters. You’re…you’re home.” A haggard laugh vibrated through the smaller man’s chest into Stanley’s own. “I know I keep tellin’ ya, tellin’ me not t’ worry is like” “…tellin’ a fish t’ stop swimmin’; I know Fidds, I know.” Fuck was really the only conscious thought that went through his head as he held his one-time lover. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, again.

Fiddleford looked up, eyes wide and searching Stan’s face. “How long do ya think we have?” Stan shook his head, unwilling to lie even if it eventually wouldn’t matter because he wouldn’t remember. You’ve always been the only person I couldn’t lie to. “I dunno, it’s been…a while. Probably not very long.” Fiddleford closed his eyes before he said “I need ya t’ know somethin’, Stanley.” Stan started to shake his head. “Fidds, you don’t have t-” The look on the other man’s face shut Stan right up-he had always had that ability. Stan wished he didn’t miss it as much as he did. “I need ya to know that even when I’m not here…I miss you. The part of me that’s somewhere in here-” A weathered hand tapped the side of his head to emphasize his point “ misses you. I’m just so sorry, Stanley. Sorry that I’m a coward. I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to be here all the time…but I’ll never stop tryin’. I’ll always try n’ come home to ya.”

Stan thought of the thousands of times he had chased Old Man McGucket, the neat little character that Stan had to compartmentalize his Fiddleford into when he wasn’t himself, out of the Shack. How many times he had found him curled up like a cat on the back porch. How every time they “met”, McGucket would say how nice Stan was or how good he felt to be around him “for some reason.” How many odds and ends McGucket would gift Stan from the dump for exhibits at the Mystery Shack with a large smile and nothing substantial behind his eyes.

It would be so much easier if he would stop trying to come back. Maybe the hole in Stan’s heart the size of the sweet, certifiably insane man would scab over. How many times had Stanley mourned him? How many times was he willing to hurt himself? They were now nearing their sixties, how long was he really willing to do this song and dance?

What’s one more time? he softly thought, his hand coming up to tenderly cup the grizzled face of Fiddleford Hadron McGucket. Mad scientist, friend, and unfortunately for them both…the love of his life.

“I miss you too, Fidds.”

[lightningbig]

sorry twilight princess will always be eating holes in my brain. constantly and forever. I cannot ever be normal about it.

it's such a haunted game. you are a dead thing going through a dead world. you are something in between. you can go back but it will never be the same. you will never be the same. you are walking, constantly, through ghosts of what came before. you are exploring places long forgotten. you are the only one on this path because there is no one else that can walk it. you were just a farm boy. you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. right place at the wrong time? wrong place at the right time? you were just supposed to deliver a sword.

[revvethasmythh]

listen. there are a number of aspects in which c3 and divergence are not comparable and fundamentally work differently (namely the difference in construction between a long-form campaign and 4-part mini-series), but thematically? not only are they comparable, they are designed to be. divergence is being aired directly after the conclusion of c3 in order to further explore concepts introduced in its conclusion. a world with less connection to the gods, the effect of that on the faithful, how the average exandrian approaches the concept of faith in general (in multiple aspects), the connection between the divine and their mortal children, burgeoning hope from post-war darkness, etc. these are concepts we're being asked to compare with the finale of c3. so if someone says that divergence's handling of faith and exploration of the gods blows c3's out of the water, that's valid. if we were meant to be avoiding comparisons, a) they wouldn't have aired this immediately after c3, b) there wouldn't be so many overlapping concepts, and c) they wouldn't be holding off on having the wrap-up until divergence is over. divergence is in conversation with c3, actively and intentionally, and it puts a stark contrast on how poorly faith was handled in c3, but also things like. understanding character motivation. which yes, is going to shine more strongly in short-form content because you have to get the information out quickly, but is a valid thing to discuss if you genuinely feel you understand a short-form campaign character's goals better than you do a character you spent 4 years watching. it's the difference between a woman who has never been shown to seriously engage with the gods at all stating "i don't know if i want to save gods that don't love me" and the moonweaver saying "if the love is true, it will pass through the barrier" and us knowing that divine magic will continue to be granted to mortals, by the sheer love the primes hold for their children, complex as that love might be. and, fundamentally, divergence is an exploration of consequences. the consequences of the calamity on mortals and the gods and the earth itself, decimated as it is. so when people compare it to c3, when a major complaint of the campaign was lack of follow-through and exploration of consequences, divergence shines for being about exactly what a lot of people felt c3 was missing.

[matamorose]

The decision in TP to drop any interaction between Audrey and Coop was a bad one. I think that their dynamic is a great way to refract a lot of the themes of the show, and it has a lot to do with TP’s multiple ways of viewing “good people.” (Something I’ve been stewing about for a while— hopefully soon I can articulate some of those thoughts)

Anyway,

Audrey is a great character, and it makes perfect sense for her to be intrigued by/attracted to a kind, handsome older man. She’s also badly neglected, and models the ways of gaining power + autonomy + attention that she sees in front of her, something that puts her in danger and is in no way a good thing. I get that all the characters’ ages/the timelines are fucked so there’s some ambiguous wiggle room, but she’s a kid. A very smart and resourceful one who wants to be the mysterious and competent adult that others see as a person, but still.

She wants Coop something fierce, and gets herself into intense peril pursuing that. She's tenacious and smart and badly damaged, and a teenage girl who's ignored + allowed to do whatever she wants, which is a very potent combination.

And Coop is textually attracted to her: I think that that’s very important to understanding a lot of his character, and ignoring it does a disservice to a lot of what the show is saying. MLMT does a lot of heavy lifting to explain and explore a history of childhood sexual misuse + hypersexuality with him, but even in just the show canon I think it’s very apparent and easy to understand that he’s grappling with his attitudes and attraction towards women, and especially with his own past and traumas.

The scene where Audrey surprises him naked in bed had the potential to be the fulcrum moment in their relationship, imo. Cooper is visibly wrestling with his attraction to her— something he knows and expresses aloud would be very wrong to act on— and Audrey is in an extremely fragile state, for all that she was trying to be assertive and take control in a relationship with an older man (a cop, even).

When Cooper lets her down gently and says that what she needs is a friend, that’s a very powerful moment. This is the “adult men sexually abuse young girls” show, but their relationship in particular has been set up to be interesting and alluring— I don’t think that people are nuts for picking up on the very intentional tension. It’s there, you’re supposed to see it.

So when Cooper says that she needs a friend, he makes the right choice, something that he doesn’t have a great track record of doing.

It’s a really powerful thing, that surrounded by all of these men who choose wrongly, and do wrong intentionally, Cooper is maybe the only adult man in Audrey’s life who makes the choice to respect and protect her, and that’s profoundly compelling. Like, I get it if someone wants to take that in another direction.

(There’s a more specific point to be made about Audrey’s father very nearly sexually assaulting her, and another, older man who is into her consciously deciding not to act on that, but I’ll toss it around and try to express it later)

You can debate it all day— which can be interesting and enriching— but for him to enter into a relationship with her would have been a clear, gross abuse of his power, and followed the pattern set by all of the other monstrous men in the show.

TP makes its stance on adult men sleeping with teenage girls crystal clear, there’s no way that they would have had their main character— morally iffy though he can be sometimes— go to bed with the teenage peer of a murder victim and then be like “awesome!” Cooper would be a very different man if he acted on it.

Which, I think is one of those moments where you as the viewer are supposed to look past the aesthetics and how pretty both adult actors are, the same way we all need to look past the quality of the coffee to understand what happened to Laura: a federal agent in his 30s who picks up a rural, neglected teenage lover in the wake of a grisly sex crime + said teenager’s father is a major player in the crime ring that allowed that to happen, is not a good man. That is a real-life horror that follows the framework of the show, and I think that part of the original intention was to leave that avenue open for later in the series, but more on that later.

All that being said, he absolutely thinks about it. He’s very tempted. That’s something that I feel like a lot of people don’t want to admit, but he’s explicitly attracted to her. It’s a testament to his character, and an interesting mirror to his ultimate failure of courage, that he, mister "Give Yourself a Present," was able to recognize a desire as harmful and squash it.

He’s less interesting if you just wave your hand and say “oh, he never even thought about it!” He did. He totally thought about it, he considered it, and wrestled with it, and ultimately came out on top. That’s infinitely more interesting— and IMO fits in better with the backstory established for him— than the idea that he’s just too morally pure and untouchable.

Even so, he elects not to do something that will harm her, and chooses to be her friend instead, something that she badly needs. That scene easily could have transitioned them from a very unequal “will-she-won’t-he” to a friendship that would benefit both of them, and give the characters some more room to flex + explore the facets of their similarities/their links to Laura and what they share with her.

Cooper sees Audrey, instead of blindly buying into her adolescent facade, or just looking past her. Even many of the angles their scenes are shot with reinforce that. He doesn’t ignore her.

I think that all of that goes into making their relationship extremely compelling, and, in my opinion, totally dropping that relationship after a point was just shitty writing. The whole weight of his choice to be her friend and to do right by her + her choice to accept that disappears when the show just truncates that entire plot line and dynamic. She needed that friend, needed and accepted what he was willing to offer her! Not to get shuffled off to the side and into a somewhat baffling plot line

(And if the show had gone on longer, or gone a different direction, I think that that would have been the avenue they chose to hammer in to viewers that as sexy as it sounded to a teenager, this is a bad thing, and that Coop was letting hangovers from past trauma/abuse get the better of him— something that is also very thematically appropriate. In a S3 that never was, I think it’s likely that possessed Coop/his doppelgänger/whatever direction they would have gone in the 90s would have attacked or initiated a relationship with her. TPTR alludes to this, I think, with Mr. C’s fathering Richard.)

I understand that there were tensions on set, and actors/execs had very strong opinions, but I do think that the “okay ew that’s over now” way that the show chops off a major undercurrent is badly done, and that the show is poorer for it.

Anyway, that relationship is one that really bugs me in how it developed in the show. Let me be clear that this is absolutely not an anti-ship post: do as thou wilt, have fun whatever I’m not here to pick a fight, and I really don’t care what other people ship. What strangers want to do with two fictional characters isn’t really my business.

But I don’t think that people are making something out of nothing, there, even if I have a much different stance on it. I think I’ve made my opinion of that relationship as romantic pretty clear at this point, but I have eyes and understand when you’re supposed to pick up on tension between characters.

I think that many people try far too hard to pretend that something very explicitly onscreen isn’t there, because they don’t want to wrestle with the thornier parts of it. (For a show that centers around a child being raped and murdered by her father, a great many watchers get surprisingly precious about unpleasant or even gray subjects, it seems to me.)

But I think it’s a shame that one of the most interesting relationships in the show got cut off so severely, and it’s really interesting to think of how they might have followed through on the punch, had there been fewer disasters surrounding the series.

I went on a little longer than I meant to about the idea of the pair of them as a romantic item, and that’s not the major point of this. Really, it’s that I think both characters lost out on that could have developed into something really compelling, because the bones were there. The setup was very strong, and the scene I talked about above absolutely could have transitioned those two into something, anything, more narratively satisfying and interesting than what we got.

I really like both of them, and I think that there’s a tendency to swing wildly one way or the other with Audrey. She’s much more nuanced than I think a lot of people give her credit for (which in fairness is something that afflicts basically all of the teenage characters, not to mention dear Dale), and there’s a place to think about her in-between outright fetishism a la coquette blogs, and pretending like she has no agency or desire/that her neglect has no impact on what she wants and how badly she’s willing to fight to get it.

She’s a major character in the show for a while, and I don’t like it that A) her character gets sidelined so abruptly B) many people in fandom go out of their way to minimize her role in the story. She’s not even one of my big favorites, I just think that she gets a raw deal.

My favorite thing about the show is the deep and knotted relationships, and I think that there was a warm-up swing and a really big miss with this one.

[codecicle-archive]

Heard this guy made A Tribute to Minecraft (and loves cod, tekkit, and dayz. those are lamer though)

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

So we know that Wei Wuxian's treatment after his death was horrible. Even if nothing could impact him directly, there was still neverending slander, hatred, misinformation, theft...

But, for a while after he died, the sects did try to impact him directly – namely, frequently trying to resummon his soul. And today I'll explore the possible reasons for this, their likelihoods, and why I'm so, so thankful that Wei Wuxian's soul managed to resist the summons. Because, spoiler alert (or, you know. maybe not)... none of them are good.

(Long meta ahead)

In my opinion, there are four likely motivations for this: confinement, coercion, torment, and potentially destruction.

Out of all of these, confinement is probably the most likely motivation, at least for most sects (Jins and Jiangs excluded, though it was likely what the Jin sect said their motivations were – but I'll get to them later). This one is the most simple – we know spirit-trapping pouches exist, and we know the sects also placed 120 stone beasts on the Burial Mounds to prevent Wei Wuxian's soul from escaping. Therefore, this seems to be the most likely motivation – and fortunately for Wei Wuxian, probably also the best case scenario, though it still certainly isn't a good one.

For the second, coercion – this is where the Jin sect come in (more specifically Jin Guangshan with the help of Jin Guangyao). Due to their wealth and resources, they're likely the sect who played the largest role in the soul-summoning rituals. We know what they're willing to do to try to gain power – keeping Wen Ning under the pretence he was burned to death and trying to control him with the nails, and working with and helping Xue Yang torture people to help him refine his demonic cultivation, in order to have the Yin hufu fixed. Along with working with many other cultivators, alongside Xue Yang – Jin Guangshan really, really wanted that seal.

And so, Jin GuangShan sought after all those who imitated Wei WuXian in cultivating the ghostly path and gathered them under his rule. He spent a great amount of money and resources and these people, ordering them to study and analyze the structure of the Tiger Seal in secrecy so that they could replicate and restore it. - Villainous Friends extra, EXR

(Note that working with these cultivators very likely happened after Wei Wuxian's soul had failed to be summoned, since this happens some time after Wei Wuxian's death, whereas the soul-summoning ceromonies presumably started happening very close to it.)

In the previous paragraph, he's also quoted as having 'lusted after' the Yin hufu, which we already knew but it's nice to have a direct quote as evidence.

Now, would Wei WuXian willingly work with the Jin sect in doing this? No. We know that, and, given Wei Wuxian's actions in his first life (refusing to hand over the Tally, not being afraid to stand up to the sects, etc), I’m pretty sure Jin Guangshan knows that, too:

He beat around the bush a couple of times, using all his skills, yet Wei WuXian didn’t give in no matter what, and it made him run into a bunch of obstacles. - Villainous Friends extra, EXR

So this could actually make things go two ways. One, I'm wrong and that wasn't actually part of the Jin sect's motivations, since they know they wouldn't be able to control him (and in that case, had they managed to summon him, I could imagine them putting him in a spirit-trapping pouch and doing something similar to what Jin Guangyao did to Nie Mingjue's head. Which, also, not good). Two, it was a part of their motivations, and they hoped to find a way around that. After all, there are other guidao users out there now, and Wei Wuxian would now be a gui*. Also, cultivators can obviously harm ghosts – see the very existence of Night Hunts, and I'd include Xue Yang's talisman-caused destruction of A-Qing as well (while he isn't a traditional cultivator, talismans can be used by everyone).

Now, would either of these methods actually work? I'm inclined to think not really (and I expand on the former method in a note below). Would that stop Jin Guangshan/Jin Guangyao/the cultivators they employ from trying? Especially considering Jin Guangshan's lust for power?

I'm inclined to think no, too.

For the third, look no further than Jiang Cheng's reputation of capturing and torturing demonic cultivators after Wei Wuxian's death, due to thinking they could be him. And this does happen – Jin Ling knows and talks about it, and there's not real motivation for him to negatively lie about someone he loves. Also, when they come across each other at Dafan Mountain, we're told this in Jiang Cheng's inner voice:

A moment ago, Jiang Cheng was certain that this person was Wei WuXian, and all of the blood in his body started to boil. Yet, now, Zidian was clearly telling him that he wasn’t. Zidian definitely wouldn’t deceive him or make a mistake, so he quickly calmed himself and thought, this doesn’t mean anything. I should first find an excuse to take him back and use every possible method to get information out of him. It’s impossible for him to not confess anything or give himself away. I’ve done things like this in the past anyways. - MDZS Chapter 10, EXR translation

This mainly shows that he's tortured people before, rather than that he's tortured people because he thinks they're Wei Wuxian, but this reason is confirmed by Jin Ling in Chapter 24. Of course, the reason is also mentioned in this chapter, and there are other moments in the chapter that illustrate my point better**, but they come from second-hand sources which I know are easier to deny. Do take note of Jiang Cheng's expression both times he comes across 'Mo Xuanyu' (after he suspects he's Wei Wuxian) in Book One***, though:

After a moment, the corners of Jiang Cheng’s lips pulled into a twisted smile. His left hand started to unconsciously stroke the ring [Zidian] again. He spoke softly, “… Well, well. So you’re back?” - Chapter 10, EXR Although his face had always been clouded, marked with arrogance and satire, it seemed as if every corner of it had come alive. It was difficult to determine whether it was vengeful wrath, fathomless hatred, or raving ecstasy. - Chapter 23, EXR

This does seem to line up with what people say his attitude to Wei Wuxian is – there doesn't seem to be any happiness at seeing him again at all. The only time a word that could suggest that ('ecstasy') is used, it's accompanied by 'raving', and considering the context and the other possibilities of his expression, it's... probably not due to happiness at being reunited.

So, considering 1) this, 2) his contribution to the Siege specifically intended to kill Wei Wuxian, and 3) that at the time of frequent soul-summoning Jiang Yanli's death would be even closer for him, I feel pretty confident in saying that yes, this is likely a motivation for the Jiang sect in trying to re-summon Wei Wuxian's soul after his death. And, as mentioned earlier, cultivators can harm ghosts (and we know Zidian is able to remove souls posessing a body from that body, and that Jiang Cheng used Zidian on 'Mo Xuanyu' in Chapter 10. If it wasn't able to restrain/harm ghosts, or other methods weren't able to, why would he risk Wei Wuxian's soul escaping?).

And finally, option four: destruction. We're heading into much more speculative territory here, so don't consider this on par with the first three. But consider this:

We know there are some spells, like Xue Yang's talisman used on A-Qing and the body-offering ritual, that can ruin the returning soul’s reincarnation cycle by destroying it. Therefore, soul destruction is possible.

The 'main'/supposed reason for summoning Wei Wuxian's soul back is to stop the "cultivation world, or even all of mortal land" from being "faced with the most insane damnation and revenge, sinking into nothing but chaos and despair" when Wei Wuxian inevitably returns. While, as mentioned above, I severely doubt this is the motivation for certain sects – and to me is likely a rumour which the Jins (again, especially Jin Guangsha) fanned the flames of to justify summoning Wei Wuxian back for their own purposes**** – there are other sects which would take it more seriously.

Although likely disrespectful, people already thought it served Wei Wuxian right to die without his body intact by the time of the second siege – something believed to negatively affect your reincarnation in your next life*****. This is only the logical next step, and I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people would believe that, again, it would serve Wei Wuxian right, or would at least lead to less harm of the world in the long run.

For these reasons, I could definitely see this as an option for some sects, especially the sects who consider themselves more 'righteous' (cough cough the Nies under Nie Mingjue cough cough). After all, evil is evil and good is good, and the evil deserve what's coming to them. And what better way to prevent that than from preventing his soul from returning at all? So for the Nie sect – and likely some of the smaller sects involved in the Siege, since among them, additudes probably vary – yes, I do think it could be a motivation.

I’m not as sure about the Lans being willing to go this far, and that’s largely for two reasons. One, Lan Wangji’s presence and his relationship to Lan Xichen, who does (not always, but he does) let this affect how he treats Wei Wuxian. An example of this is that, when Wei Wuxian's return is made public, Lan Xichen does let him hide and shelter at the Cloud Recesses instead of trying to pursue him, likely majorly due to Lan Wangji. I'd argue that the aftermath of the Nightless City also acts as an example of this, although it definitely isn't perfect. But though he, Lan Qiren and the 33 elders do come to find Lan Wangji and do not let him continue to shelter Wei Wuxian (after they see Lan Wangji's feelings), Lan Xichen doesn't use this opportunity to kill/capture Wei Wuxian, despite Lan Wangji being in a worse condition due to having fought 33 elders, Wei Wuxian being catatonic, and Lan Qiren likely supporting this outcome (especially considering he was the one who led the Lan sect in the Siege – chapter 68, Wei Wuxian's POV). And he did let Lan Wangji take Wei Wuxian back to the Burial Mounds after:

After he went out of his way to send you back to Burial Mound and returned in such low spirits to receive his punishment, how long he kneeled before the Wall of Rules! - Chapter 99, EXR

Again, this was right after the Nightless City massacre – there isn't any goodwill towards Wei Wuxian at this point in time.

Of course, the Lan sect did participate in the siege after Lan Xichen knew of Lan Wangji's feelings towards Wei Wuxian, which Lan Xichen was no doubt a part of (although Lan Qiren lead the Lan sect in the siege, Lan XIchen had to have at least known/given his support, if not participated.) And it should be considered that Lan Xichen letting Wei Wuxian shelter at the Cloud Recesses was after Wei Wuxian had been back for a while, and had not caused the downfall of the Cultivation World, like many suspected he would after his death. And of course, as stated previously, his handling of the aftermath of Nightless City wasn't perfect either (though please note that his main motive here was to protect Lan Wangji from being potentially executed, rather than anything about Wei Wuxian himself). So caring about Lan Wangji doesn't mean he won't harm Wei Wuxian. But I do think he could find bringing Wei Wuxian's soul back to completely destroy it a bit excessive. There is, though, the chance that the elders of the Lan Sect would react to this differently, and of course they would have a sway on both Lan Xichen and the Lan sect as well.

The second reason is smaller, but there seems to be more focus in the Lan sect than in others when it comes to letting ghosts rest peacefully/helping them move on. And that could definitely lead to more resistance to the idea of summoning a soul back to destroy it as well, which could especially impact the elders. So I'd assume that the Lan sect would be the most likely sect to summon Wei Wuxian's soul back just for confinement, or just for some way of making sure any resentment is disippated, his spirit moves on, and he can't cause more harm to the world (eg via Inquiry)******. Not that he would or does as a ghost or as a reborn person, but that's unfortunately not relevant to this.

But yes, as a motivation for the Nie Mingjue-led Nie sect? Absolutely.

So, these are the main motives I suspect to be behind the attempted summoning of Wei Wuxian's soul after his death (and if I've missed any, please let me know – I'd love to have a discussion). And, of course, none of them lead to anywhere good. Because of course it wasn’t enough to besiege Wei Wuxian, murder the 50 non-combatants he was responsible for (and throwing them into the blood pit as a mark of disrespect because why not?), and lead to his death via him getting torn apart. It wasn’t enough to steal all his inventions, and use them commonly while still slandering him with no reprieve – or to steal his notes and give them to people like Xue Yang to study (Villainous Friends, again) and to use for their own, extremely extremely harmful, purposes. Of course, the cultivation world has to try to harm Wei Wuxian after death as well ((:

We don't know whether Wei Wuxian rejecting the summoning ceremonies was conscious or unconscious, but if it was the former, these are very likely reasons he refused to return in this way. If it was unconscious – for example, maybe during the frequent soul-summons his soul was in a weakened state due to him dying from a backlash of resentful energy and getting torn apart, and it healed over time but not before the soul-summoning rituals stopped – well, I can only be thankful.

Finally, let me leave you on the thought that – although it may well have happened since we don't spend much time in the immediate aftermath of the Sunshot campaign – there isn't even any textual mention of this happening to Wen Ruohan. Who, while not being a guidao user, was still very dangerous, still an extremely powerful cultivator, and still had a lot of reason to feel resentment. So.

:')

Thank you for reading!

--

*Considering what we see of how Wei Wuxian's guidao functions – redirecting the ghosts'/corpses' resentment into doing something they'd want to do, eg attacking people, and directing it towards a target – I'm not sure using it to force a spirit to do something 1) extremely specific, and 2) explicitly against their will would actually work. Iirc the closest thing we get to this in text is Wei Wuxian using the corpses of Wens to attack other Wens in the Sunshot Campaign, but he's still just directing their resentment to a target of his choice, and fierce corpses do tend to be on the less concious side of things (hence why Wei Wuxian had to awaken Wen Ning's consciousness). Considering how Wen Ning attacks Wei Wuxian and the Burial Mound Wens before his consciousness had fully awoken, I... really don't think those fierce corpses were able to differentiate (or didn't care).

Meanwhile, ghosts seem to be a bit more in control of themselves – see A-Qing, and Wei Wuxian's own descriptions of his ghost self.

That, alongside ghost!Wei Wuxian being able to resist his soul-summoning and the fact that pretty much all of the new guidao users are a lot weaker than he was, does make me think that this this wouldn't work. I do wonder about Xue Yang, since his methods are pretty different as well, but he's more of a modao user than a guidao user (he controls living corpses rather than dead people) and I don't think you can insert physical nails into ghosts?? Though if he was specifically instructed to figure out some way to control ghost!Wei Wuxian (who's probably kept in a spirit-trapping pouch in this scenario), he might be able to do something at least. Though also he was also struggling to piece Xiao Xingchen's ghost soul back together, so he may struggle with those areas?

Well, whatever the potential outcome, I'm so so happy once again that Wei Wuxian's soul managed to resist the soul-summonings...

**Mainly this:

Everyone in the cultivation world knew that the young leader of the Jiang Clan watched out for Wei WuXian in an almost crazed manner. He would rather catch the wrong person than let go of any possibility, and took anyone who seemed like they held the soul of Wei WuXian away to the YunmengJiang Sect, inflicting severe torture on his victim. If he wanted to take someone back, the opposition would surely lose half of their life. - Chapter 10, EXR

But I have heard people say 'you can't prove that it's just more rumours' before, and I wanted my evidence to be as watertight as possible.

(And, off-topic... isn't it really sad how Jiang Cheng, in the present day, is described as young? Because, for a clan leader, he is. And another thing he is, is close in age to Wei Wuxian – who was killed 13 whole years prior :') )

***And do note that the only other time they run into each other before Wei Wuxian's identity is revealed to the world apart from this is their brief interaction at Jinlintai, where he can't just act however he wants. The next time they run into each other after it, Jiang Cheng is literally taking part in another siege against him, and still extremely hostile ("surrounded by hostile energy, face insidious, staring straight at him" – from EXR chapter 60). Then he loses his spiritual powers and can't do anything. By the time he regains his powers, Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and the Wen remnants' corpses have saved everyone during the Second Siege, and though public opinion hasn't properly shifted quite yet, it will soon after Sisi and Bicao tell the story of Jin Guangyao, and voila, a new scapegoat (do note that he doesn't completely bar Wei Wuxian from entering Lotus Pier after the Second Siege, though). Plus, throughout it all, Lan Wangji is still constantly present, which makes it hard for Jiang Cheng to really do anything. And then he's finally faced with the Golden Core reveal, which does alter his motivations towards Wei Wuxian (obviously the resentment is still there – read chapter 102 – but it's also mixed with other complex emotions, and he seems to start being able to move away from that a little in Chapter 103). I still definitely wouldn't describe Jiang Cheng's attitude towards him as positive, but it isn't at the point it was at the start of the novel (eg Chapter 10).

But even if his attitude does change, or would for whatever other reason apart from the reveal, that still doesn't change an initial motivation so isn't relevant to this meta. We know his intentions at the start.

****It's also possible they may have originated it, but I think WWX's reputation was bad enough for it to form naturally. Though you can trace a major part of that back to them, too.

*****That belief isn't outright stated in MDZS, but the fact people are specifically talking about the status of WWX's body in the aftermath of his death suggests that this belief does have some grounding in the MDZS universe, at least? And we know MXTX has included it in TGCF (though that doesn't mean it's definitely in MDZS), so she has used it in her works. If this isn't the case in the MDZS universe I am sorry (although that could also mean there's less importance placed on not disturbing the reincarnation cycle in the world of MDZS...? Which would work towards my original argument) – I don't want to spread misinformation that something is definitely true, I just think there's evidence to suggest it is true, which isn't the same thing.

******Again, I think this would depend on who ends up having more influence over who in the Lan sect. After all, normal resentful spirits only do what they do because of their resentment in death, whereas Wei Wuxian is 'dangerous' because of who everyone thinks he was in life – so him being reborn naturally could also 'cause a lot of harm to the world' during the time period this version of him would live in, unlike the resentful ghosts they appease. This could definitely lead to many advocating for confinement, I think.

[catzgam3rz]

BACK ON MY QSMP CATCH UP GRIND

PLEASE Take the best boy Chayanne! I love him so much.

(Hes based of a magpie which was inspired from @cloudster-the-clown 's design which is FANTASTIC)

[lang-shih-na]

the very first words out of shih-na's mouth to lang after admitting to being a spy and a murderer are flirting with him. you really have to respect a girlie who shoots her shot even in her darkest hour

[tricoufamily]

a current day nils and a 90s college student nils who's way too intense about his internship walk into a bar

[truethes]

if anyone suspects im not as into serv.amp anymore im actually just staying silent because i checked out the tag and saw someone bring up: what if kur.o saw gea.r in tsuru.gi? and am incredibly haunted, and holding myself back, to reread the entire c.3 arc to analyse this.

[doctahchang]

would like to know the lore of my own oc that i have had for like ten years

edit: found an old sketch of her... i basically drew her for the first time eons ago and haven't changed her design ever since (sad that i won't be able to find those drawing again)

[doodle17]

Could you maybe tell us what future Raz and Lilis relationship is like now?

*vibrating with excitement*

Putting this under a read more because it might be really long hemngh

So I'd decided to study their characters and how they interact a little more (mostly from the second game, but a little bit of the first too) and think about how their relationship would develop as they got older.

I came to the conclusion that I want to portray them as two people who have some level of affection for the other, but don't have time to focus on being sappy "boyfriend and girlfriend" because of work. The "fun" part their relationship ended waaaay back when they were 18-ish and went from Junior Agents to Official Psychonauts. It ain't exactly easy to go on dates and save the world at the same time y'know, and both of them have a lot of personal stuff going on.

Raz is almost always busy. Constantly filling out paperwork, running around in Sasha's lab, doing agent stuff, Circus stuff, the WHOLE shebang. Lili, is still trying to get over her dad's retirement, as the while thing still feels very surreal to her. Not to mention Hollis and her dad trying to push her to become the next Grand Head, much to her dismay. It's not very easy to have a social life with that much going on to be 100% honest.

Theres also taking their very different personalities into account. Lili's "Fuck around and find out" and Raz's sticking to a solid plan type of methods tend to clash quite often, and many newcomers have a hard time telling whether or not they're dating or competing with eachother.

Lili is probably the most complicated woman Raz has ever worked with, and while he finds it endearing he also finds it incredibly exhausting. Sometimes, It feels like she'll do the exact opposite of what he tells her just to get a reaction out of him, out of spite. But it's not like she can help it. She absolutely hates being told what to do, and one of her least favorite things about Raz is when he decides to become "Mr. Boss man" and order everyone around during missions. Despite all of- that- however, they do end up having very successful missions!... Most of the time.

There's also the pressure to keep up professional appearances for their fellow agents and new interns. One thing the both of them can agree on, is that they'll avoid showing any PDA in front of their coworkers. They still cringe thinking about how a little too comfortable they were as kids, and how almost EVERYONE in the Motherlobe knew about it. Luckily, most of those people are retired, quit or fired, and gives the two a better chance to be a little more professional with their relationship in front of the newcomers, because if they have to hear, "You guys are like the next Sasha and Milla!" One more time...

This isn't to say that things are always rough and gloomy for them. They still have a very special connection, and after knowing eachother for half of their lives, it's not like they're going to get rid of the other anytime soon. So might as well make the most of it, eh? She'll never admit it out loud, but there's really no other person Lili would rather be tied up and dangling over a pool of pyrokenetic sharks with than Raz (which has actually happened before btw) There's no way you won't catch them holding hands or sneaking a quick kiss at least once.

Anyways, to sum all of this shishkabable up best I can: They're WAY too close to be considered "just coworkers", but they also have way too much going on to focus on a serious relationship at this time.

Good on you if you managed to read my nonsensical ramblings all the way through! Take a prize from the prize bin you deserve it 👏 👏👏