#Whoever else my friends have told me is hot after being introduced to robots who change shape

[robomusical]

Short anwser; yeaa…

[saiilorstars]

The Beginning of Everything

Ch. 19: The Monaxi Reality Show

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: Female OC x 10th Doctor

(OC Renata’s Face claim: Marjorie de Sousa) (Gabby’s face claim: Victoria Moroles)

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DISCLAIMER: This chapter’s plotline is from Doctor Who’s comic stories. Most of the dialogue is directly written from the comic. The plot is NOT mine.

Chapter Summary: The Doctor discovers who the Sky Hunters really are and he, along with Renata and everyone else, have to put up the fight of their lives in order to end the Monaxi's little horror show.

Gabby felt like her head was spinning. Her kidnappers - or saviors, it was still in the air - were talking at the same time, one voice over the other, so she didn't really know where to interrupt to make her case. She was grateful that one of them - the only human-looking one - had stopped the team from killing her on the spot but now they were all arguing with each other. Actually, on some level it was mind of funny because they started out debating what to do with her and somehow ended up arguing with each other over other things.

"Only you were stupid enough to get caught by them too!"

"Come on! Let's just fry her already!"

"Be quiet! Everyone, I'm trying to think!"

Gabby hadn't even gotten up from where the ship's force-field placed her after being brought into the ship. She was afraid that if she moved even an inch, everyone would shoot her. You can't just sit there and let your friends die! She exhaled deeply. She really couldn't just sit there. Her eyes flickered to the human man who seemed to be taking the reigns of the team. He could be her only salvation right now.

"Y-you," she found her opportunity to speak once the Earth man shut the other members up. "You're a human like me, right?"

The man furrowed his eyebrows at her. She at least didn't seem like he wanted to kill her, unlike the others, which gave Gabby hope that this was the right way to go.

"Yes, I am," he answered in a gruff tone.

"So am I!" Gabby exclaimed and pulled herself up to her feet. "If you can scan for a false bio signature, you should be able to pinpoint the origin of my DNA. You'll find I'm a native too!"

One of the members - a blue alien creature with a tiny head, a squared body and fat legs - scanned her with a circular object on its chest. "She's right," it declared a few seconds later. It brought up one of its skinny (almost tentacle-like) arms to the Earth man. It's hand was a screen that showed the results of the test on Gabby. "She's telling the truth boss, except there's an anomaly. Her DNA is genetically distinct. A throw forward, like she's from another time zone."

Gabby gulped. "I can...I can explain that…"

"What, you're a tourist from the future? That's even worse!" a bald, humanoid man with two sets of eyes growled. Gabby did not like his buff arms holding a high tech gun at her.

"And impossible," added a tall, green humanoid women with long, like hair.

"Not at all," went a pine tree-looking alien. "It's just not allowed. Generally speaking, anyway. I have seen future days…"

"Shut up, all of you!" the Earth man ordered again. "This data says you're from the world's future, supposing that were even possible," he looked at Gabby. "Why are you here?"

Gabby didn't answer straight away because she was a little bit distracted with the blue alien's tentacles floating around her. "Umm...to stop the Sky - I mean the Monaxi?" She had no idea what the 'Monaxi' were but she figured it was the name of the creatures behind the 'Sky hunters'. "That's what the Doctor and Renata do. They help. We help."

"What? You're conscientious objectors? I hate them almost as much as I hate tourists," the buff alien huffed.

"Last time some well-meaning protesters were captured by the Monaxi," the woman said. "They got themselves splattered across three valleys."

Gabby's eyes widened.

"Right. That's not what's needed here, future girl," the pine tree alien said.

"We are one cell amongst many who resist the Monaxi," the Earth man explained.

"They're invading," Gabby nodded. That much she could conclude on her own based on what she'd already seen.

"No, they're enslavers. They use this area's people and many others as a stock cupboard. Or pantry, based on whom they're selling them to."

Oh, this is bad, Gabby gulped.

~0~

"It's hot," Donna concluded almost as soon as she was conscious.

The Doctor was already standing up and gazing about. Wherever they were it was very different from the woods. For starters, Donna was right. It was blazing hot. They were in a desert that even included the traditional three birds flying in the sky that one would usually see on t.v. There was a lake not so far away from where they were but that was pretty much it.

"Doctor, where are we?" Donna got up and looked about.

"Never mind that," Renata stood up fast, but doing that too fast left her wobbly on her legs for a bit. "We need to find Gabriella and fast. Who knows where she is or who took her."

"Meerox?"

The trio turned to see Munmeth calling to another trio from a distance.

"Doctor, I don't like this place," Renata told the man. None of them were really concerned with who Munmeth was talking to considering they looked like they were part of his clan or the River clan. She was more worried about Gabby and where she ended up. Of course she wasn't denying they weren't in enough danger themselves. Already they had been attacked earlier and were taken away by the nets only to be deposited where they were now.

"I may have an idea of who's playing with us," the Doctor said quietly so Donna wouldn't hear.

Renata looked at him with widened eyes. "Someone you know?" She didn't mean to sound accusatory, but that's how she sounded and for a moment the Doctor lowered his head. "Doctor, I-I didn't…" she sighed. "This isn't you. Whoever did this is at fault. And we're gonna find them."

"Munmeth, watch out!" Donna shouted and ran to yank the man back before one of the trio of his clan speared him to death.

"But I know them!" Munmeth was stunned that he'd nearly been killed by his own friends.

"Nobody's a friend here," the Doctor eyed the trio carefully.

Renata seized the spear that had nearly taken Munmeth and held it threateningly at the clan trio. "I don't know who's pulling your strings but you better stay the hell away from us."

"Munmeth, if we don't fight you, we'll be punished," the women from the trio answered.

"Oh," Renata straightened up a bit. "So they're real." She thought they might have been projections or basic technology but no, they were actual people.

"No we don't!" the Doctor snatched the spear from the Renata's hand and struck it into the air just as a huge bird - a pterodactyl - swooped over them. It came crashing down with sparks and its head rolling to the side.

"It's a robot," Donna caught the wires sticking out from the bird's neck. She flinched when the Doctor smashed its head with his foot. It was very aggressive and unlike him, but the situation called for it. "Now listen to me," the Doctor turned to the clan trio, "We don't have much time. This was not a bird. It was a camera." He pulled out his glasses to examine the bird. "It was the eyes of those who are truly watching you, stealing you from your homes, making you fight. We need to destroy as many of these cy-birds as we can."

"Who is this stranger?" a blonde man asked then eyed Renata and Donna.

"Who are you to tell us what to do?" asked the second man, a bald man.

"Seriously?" Renata groaned. "I really hate when they do this," she looked at the Doctor. "Humans can be very slow sometimes."

"Oi!" Donna elbowed her in the ribs.

"Quickly, we don't have much time," the Doctor pulled the spear from the ground again.

"Do as he says," Munmeth urged his people. "He is...the medicine man."

~0~

"Gabby, I'm Effrid Blink and these are my associates," the Earth man was introducing himself to Gabby. The team was somewhat more amiable than before but the only one who really seemed to take an honest, friendly attitude towards Gabby was Effrid.

Gabby still put on her best, warmest smile as Effrid introduced her to each of the crew members.

"Mem-brain was liberated from a Monaxi circus. He can't remember his real name."

The buff alien in question only huffed and went to the computers along with the woman with them.

"Unta, a Jerdian, whose world has become considerably more warlike in response to the Monaxi threat…"

Gabby wiggled her fingers in a hello manner but neither alien in question seemed to care for it...except for Tony.

"I'm Tony, hi!" the blue-squared alien that had scanned her earlier waved one it's tentacles at her. It definitely cheered up Gabby a bit.

"Tony, as inscrutable as he is useful," Effrid seemed closer to smiling. "It was he who rescued me from Monaxi. The tender mercies long ago. I still don't know what's inside that plasma suit he wears, but I trust him with my life."

Gabby eyed Tony's exterior with newfound curiosity since his skin wasn't skin but a suit. "Nice to meet you all."

"If you're sticking around, girlie, make yourself useful," Unta said as she sat down in front of the computers like Mem-brain.

"It's really nice to meet you all," Gabby said rather fast as she had more pressing matters to get to. "Listen, my friends got taken away and I really need to find them."

"Guerilla tactics are best when dealing with the Monaxi," Effrid went to take the head chair of the controls.

"That way we were made a hazard for the relatively minor operation they have going here," Tony said.

"What do you mean?" Gabby neared the screens, wishing to God she had learned some basic alien language in the past but...alas, she had not. "I really need to find my friends."

"We keep them from decimating the population," Effrid looked back at the concerned Gabby. "That's about all we can do. Resources are stretched."

"Well...how long has the Monaxi been doing this?" Gabby asked.

"Too long," sighed Effrid. "Longer than I can remember."

"They're like a plague," Tony shook his tiny head. "We'd need an army to drive them back."

"No," Gabby said matter-of-factly. She immediately had the looks of Unta and Mem-brain. "You need Renata and the Doctor. Trust me."

~0~

The Doctor had led the group through the 'desert' and discovered many more cy-animals that contained cameras. They were being watched through everything it seemed.

"Are we clear on what we do, then?" the Doctor asked the group once they stopped by another lake for a quick rest and catch up. Munmeth's friends still seemed a bit unconvinced that the Doctor's plan was the way to go, but it was really the only plan they had that gave them a chance to survive. "Whatever happens, whatever you see, and no matter how terrifying it looks...stick to the plan." He reached for his sonic inside his coat and started examining the lake in front of them.

Renata noticed the worried looks from the others and assumed they still weren't very trusting of their technology. "It's really alright," she assured them. "It's just a sonic...which...you don't really understand either…"

"As I suspected - hard light synthetics," the Doctor read off his sonic.

Donna crossed her arms and gave the man a pointed look. "And for those of us who don't speak 'Doctor'?" she then glanced at Renata but the Time Lady put her hands up.

"Don't look at me, I barely know what he's talking about sometimes."

The Doctor rolled his eyes at their conversation. "I meant it's holographic. It can be disrupted. As can anything else on similar wavelengths."

Donna practically glared at him. "I still don't know what the hell you mean!"

"Nothing here is real," the Doctor lowered his sonic with a heavy sigh.

"Doctor…" Renata had caught something dark forming across the lake. She took a few steps forwards, letting the water hit her ankles, but she didn't seem to mind getting wet. "What's that?" she pointed up ahead.

Sand swirled as if there was a sandstorm coming. Something black was forming in the middle of it and it looked to be huge.

"Positions people!" the Doctor immediately shouted. "Remember to wait for my signal!"

Donna was the first to rush away but she pulled Munmeth with her, who then brought along the rest.

"Renée, you too," the Doctor reminded but Renata shook her head.

"I want to know who the hell created all this and took Gabriella from us," she said with a deep scowl across her face. Her eyes narrowed as the creature from the sandstorm finally emerged but there was an immediate confusion once she saw its squid figure. "I'm sorry-" she blinked, "-are we under the sea?"

"I should've recognized all the trademark signs of oppression," the Doctor frowned. "A whole holographic coliseum to test out the qualities of those they enslave."

"I must have missed that class," Renata mumbled. She studied the bright orange squid coming towards them on its dozens of long tentacles. Its top part resembled a circular spaceship but it was still bright orange with only a streak of silver at its middle.

"The energy nets, indiscriminate use of tractor beams directly upon living matter, dumping unwanted captives from great heights...the needless cruelty…" the Doctor reached for Renata's hand, gripping it tight as soon as he held her. "Everyone, now!" He dove to the ground, pulling Renata with him, and allowed for a perfect target that the others could get.

Everyone threw piles of sand at the squid, delaying its arrival to their side of the lake. The Doctor then aimed his sonic at the squid and activated it. The squid's orange and silver top seemed to rise a bit and revealed a monster-like head underneath complete with classic horror, sharp teeth and dozens of eyes.

"What is that, Doctor!?" Donna watched the squid struggle to stay on its tentacles thanks to the sonic.

"A species of traders that prey on less advanced lifeforms and sells them to high civilizations," the Doctor said. "An elusive race known to be that rare thing, a composite of physical matter and energy. And if I am recalling correctly, you also pipe the gladiatorial spectacle from these coliseums back to your homeships. Munmeth, Kria, now!"

Munmeth and Kria came running with a huge, fashioned net between them. Between them and Renata, they threw the net over the squid and essentially knocked it to its side. The Doctor's sonic was messing with the squid's tech on its top.

"Pitiful little...bipeds…" the squid groaned and slowly picked itself up again, tossing the net to the side.

"Oh, it talks," Donna made a gesture as if she should've known it would've talked.

"Good," Renata glared at it. "So it can tell us where the hell we are and where the hell Gabriella is."

"You'll regret causing damage and delay," the squid warned.

"Try me," Renata was quick to say despite not having much to defend herself with.

"Renée, just stay back!" the Doctor exclaimed as he kicked up the energy from his sonic.

"I may not have a sonic but I do have my ways," Renata scowled.

"Yeah, well, as much as I'm very curious how your balled fists are going to solve this...let me just take care of it!" the Doctor put himself in front of her and used every last bit of energy to finally put the creature down.

The squid collapsed on its own tentacles and as it went down, the orange faded from its skin and left it with a rotten, green color.

"Is it...dead?" asked Donna made sure to stay a few feet away from them just in case.

"I ruptured his energy carapace," the Doctor shrugged as he tucked his sonic back into his pocket. "I popped him...but he'll recover eventually."

"I need him to talk now," Renata snapped, although not directly at him. She was just upset that so far they hadn't gotten any clue of where they were and they were no closer to finding Gabby either.

"Renée, we're dealing with the Monaxi," the Doctor told her and watched her blink in realization. "They might be vicious but maybe they aren't as tough as they look."

"How could I have missed what they were?" Renata brought a hand to her forehead and rubbed hard circles over her skin.

"It's impossible to remember every single race we learned about…"

"You don't forget."

"I'm not normal."

That made Renata smile for a moment. Of course, the Monaxi finally spoke up and ruined their moment.

"How could a stupid local biped like you know that we are Monaxi?"

"You actually can't tell the difference between any of us, can you?" snapped the Doctor. "We're all just two-legged insects to you, huh!? Just raw material to be enslaved or slaughtered."

"It's not like you matter."

Renata actually gasped out of pure offence. "This is why I don't like travelling sometimes," she looked at the Doctor. "Because every once in a while, you meet creatures like these."

"It's a good thing we're not just any travelers," the Doctor looked directly at the Monaxi. "Constellation of Kasterberous ring a bell?"

It definitely did. "Not possible…"

Renata actually wanted to grab the Doctor's arm when he started walking towards the Monaxi. She didn't want him anywhere near the creature who still had possession of its dozen tentacles.

"Your psi-control maintaining the illusion of this place is weak," the Doctor spat. "I will ask you this only once: bring down this holographic lieso we can see where we really are."

"If you insist," the Monaxi surprisingly said.

The area around the group began to glow for a minute then died a few seconds to reveal a coliseum and they were right in the middle of it.

"What are these strange caves?" Munmeth was wide-eyed at the structure around them. Glass walls lined the circular wall on each level where there were supposed to be benches.

"They're not caves," Renata moved towards one glass wall. Now it was the Doctor who wanted to keep her close. "They're...cages…"

"What?" Munmeth looked at her.

"Imagine a net for people, a net that you can't get out of," Renata stopped walking and turned sideways to meet the man's gaze. "Everyone who has been taken is in here, in these walls…"

Munmeth didn't seem to believe it at first but once he heard the cry of his daughter, who was stuck behind one of the glass walls, it all seemed to make sense. He rushed for his daughter but came crashing into the glass instead. "Doctor, you must help me! Muthmunna!" he banged against the glass.

"I don't suppose there's a button or something we can push?" Donna quietly asked Renata.

Renata shot a glare at the Monaxi that'd brought them here. "Not unless it's feeling generous."

The Doctor shared the glare on the creature. "Drop the cage shields, Monaxi," he spat the name out.

The Monaxi's dozen eyes glowed a bright red. "I can't do that."

"Do it or I'll do worse than give your energy sac a puncture," the Doctor whipped out his sonic again and threatened the Monaxi with it.

"You misunderstand me. I am unable to. I don't have the etheric key. Only our leader possesses that."

And just as it finished explaining, something a deep orange light burst from its top. The Doctor just barely jumped out of the way when it exploded. He landed face first but looked up in time to see an even bigger Monaxi floating in the air.

"You'd risk taking the life of one of your own just to be sure of shooting me in the back!? You must be really scared!"

"I'm scared for you - get over here!" Renata practically hissed at him from her spot. She felt completely useless being unable to remember anything about the stupid creatures. She admitted there were a few times where she wouldn't pay attention in school, and much more - ironically - when she spent a lot of her time with a young Doctor.

"Gallifreyans. I know what you are," the larger Monaxi remarked. "I am Iktra. My colleague here, Vozmarth, is young, ambitious, inexperienced and foolish. He never was good for much and now he's lived up to his promise."

"It's his fault you fired him?" the Doctor almost laughed. "That's harsh even by Monaxi standards."

"You dare judge me, Time Lord?" the Monaxi lowered its body a bit as if to look the Doctor face-to-face. "In ancient times, of all the races we traded with, yours were the cruelest...the most demanding. Your kind had the most unrelenting of appetites, you were the most terrifying in your ambivalence. You use your time scoops to populate your own coliseums, your death zone, but you needed the likes of us too. You demanded gladiators for your entertainment and we supplied them."

"At least not all of us were awful," Renata called out, gaining his attention whether or not the Doctor wanted it. "We may have started out that way but some of us learned and evolved. I don't think the same applies to your people."

"At least my people are alive."

Renata's face fell flat.

"Word gets around, Time Lords. You'd have to go back to primeval times to find any of your kind outside the time lock."

"Now!" Donna suddenly shouted and when Renata and the Doctor looked back to see Donna leading the others with the huge net from earlier. They threw it over the Monaxi once again.

"You filthy bipeds!" the Monaxi shook against the net. "You cannot hold a Monaxi! I'll kill you all!"

But this time they were ready for him. One man jumped with the net to stand on top of the Monaxi and secure the net. Donna pulled hard and had the others follow her lead.

Renata actually smiled at the efforts. "It's moments like these where I can see why you appreciate the humans so much," she told the Doctor. He gave her a side-glance that encompassed his surprise at her words, but also a newfound fondness for her. He'd been getting those lately, actually.

"Use that sonic of yours to disrupt his energy carapace as well," she suddenly instructed. "If this Monaxi is the leader then by de-activating his energy carapace…"

"...we can essentially de-activate the others," the Doctor finished with a huge grin. "Renée, you're a genius!"

"I...wouldn't go that far," Renata made a face.

The Doctor didn't care for that statement. He thought she was incredibly smart, but that was a conversation for another time. "Keep him steady!" He told the others and hurried to take his sonic out again.

"We're...trying!" Donna struggled with her end of the net so Renata ran to help her.

The Monaxi shook violently to rid itself of the net. "You can't hold me!"

"Monaxi, cease all hostile actions immediately!" rang a loud voice. For a moment, the Monaxi stopped and it gave the Doctor the perfect chance to de-activate.

Once more his sonic lit up when it took aim against the Monaxi. Even as it shook, its orange color began to glow to eventually fade away just like before. "Cranking up the levels!" the Doctor was happy to report despite the terrible struggle he was now facing as well.

"Monaxi, surrender now!" rang the same voice from before.

"Where's that coming from!?" Donna wildly looked around in case they would also be attacked from something else.

Renata was the first to see a huge ship - no, rocketship. She gasped and unintentionally let go of her part of the net. "It's the ship that took Gabriella!"

Donna nearly fell back from when Renata let go of the net. "Would you be so kind to keep helping!"

"Sorry!" Renata quickly reached for her part again. "But that's the ship! We have to get Gabriella back!"

"Monaxi! Cease or we'll slice you in half!"

"I'd rather not go anywhere near that thing!" Donna cried as soon as she'd heard the threat. "If it shoots it'll hurt us too!"

Renata's eyes widened. "Good point! Everyone!" she yelled to those aiding them. "Get away from the Monaxi!" she made the gesture for them to follow her. "Doctor, you too!"

"Just a bit more!" the Doctor kept a steady aim on the Monaxi. "I've almost drained it!"

A few seconds later came the promise of a blast that sliced the Monaxi in half. The force threw everyone on the ground.

"Doctor!?" Renata was quick to call when she raised her head off the ground.

"I'm here, I'm here!" he was shaking his head to get rid of some straggling sand. "And whoever just attacked did help with de-activating the energy sources, so...I guess we should thank them?"

Renata discarded his confusion and gazed up at the huge ship in the sky. "We need to get Gabriella back."

But before they could even think of a plan, the ship took position to land. It lowered itself to the ground and opened its cargo door. A few seconds later, a few aliens, plus two humans, emerged from it.

"Renata! Doctor! Donna!" Gabby came running up to the trio.

"Gabriella, thank goodness you're alright!" Renata hugged the girl tightly. "You are alright...right?"

Gabby laughed as she pulled away. "Yes. They-" she pointed over her shoulder to the team she was with, most of which were now helping get the prisoners out of their glass cages, "-are rebellion fighters."

"Lucky for you, then," Donna crossed her arms. "Meanwhile, we were stuck fighting for a reality show."

"Donna," the Doctor shook his head at the poor comparison.

"That's what it was!"

Gabby chuckled.

~0~

Once Effrid had rounded the last of the Monaxi still straggling about, the Doctor felt it was right to leave. They had also helped Munmeth and his people into Effrid's ship so that they could be returned home.

"What about the other Monaxi?" Gabby asked the trio once they neared the TARDIS. "Would they come here to investigate why all their people disappeared?"

"Nah," the Doctor didn't hesitate to shake his head. "Monaxi always want things easy so I've rigged up a warning beacon. If more come this way, they'll know that this world is defended by us." He smiled specifically at Renata, but the woman only laughed.

"Oh please, like you said, what am I going to do with my balled fists?" she raised her two fists and tilted her head at them. "Not much, I think." She chuckled again and went inside the TARDIS first.

The Doctor seemed to think of something that kept him lingering outside even when Gabby and Donna went inside, something that brought out a big smile from him.

[teaveetamer]

My Issues With TFioS (and Other Elements of John Green)

Alright I’m just going to preface this with two things.

It’s been about six years since I’ve read the entire thing through, so my points are probably not going to be as detailed or precise as they were when I first read it.

If you enjoyed the book, identify with the fanbase, or like John Green in any capacity... Great! You might want to skip this one. This is definitely not the post for you. I’m going to put all of my more controversial thoughts under the cut so if you don’t want to see them you can just move on.

I brought up the book in that other post because I felt it had relevance to the discussion of “authors using characters as a mouthpiece”, but that’s only a small part of my issue with the book itself. I suppose I could have used a fanfiction example, since there’s more than enough fodder there, but I brought up The Fault in our Stars specifically because I feel comfortable criticizing a book in a way that I don’t feel comfortable criticizing fan works. John Green is a public figure that produced a paid product, made money, and does this professionally, while most fanfic authors are amateurs that provide free entertainment and just do it for fun.

Now with that said, we move on to the meat of the post.

Some Background

Perhaps this is not a little known fact, but I absolutely adore love stories. I don’t have incredibly high standards for them by any means, and in fact I actively enjoy them even when they aren’t the deepest, most thought provoking pieces. Someone got me a copy of Red, White, and Royal Blue for my birthday this year and I read the entire thing cover to cover in a day (and I seriously recommend if you’re looking for a pretty easy read with a lot of gay).

The only thing I love more than love stories? Tragic love stories, of course. If anyone has followed my fanfiction or main blog for any amount of time then you know that I love a little bit of tragedy. Usually with a happy ending, but not always. So when one of my friends shoved (and I mean literally shoved) The Fault in Our Stars  into my hands and billed it as a “tragic but heartwarming love story” I thought it would be perfect for me.

I was sixteen at the time, the target age demographic, and I was always looking for books with smart, well written teen characters. At this point in my life I’d never heard of John Green or his fanbase before. I tell you this because I disliked the book as I read it, but I think John Green and his fanbase are a major factor in why I disliked it so much I’m willing to sit down and write a blog post about it six years later. Granted, that’s not all on the book, but it is a factor.

Needless to say, I was not all that impressed by it. At some points I was downright infuriated, really.

My Issues With the Book

In summary, it feels very meh and overly pretentious. After about two chapters I just wanted to put it down, and the only reason I pushed through is because my friend insisted that it got better. She said it was funny, relatable, and intelligent, but I found it to be none of these things.

The impression I got was that the author, whoever he was, fancied himself terribly clever and he wanted everyone to know it. You know the type, the kinds of people that go around and assure everyone of how smart they are? It feels like it was made for haughty teens to brag about how intelligent they were because they read a “deep” book.  The book itself, despite being a surface level of “witty”, didn’t really have anything to say. In the end it reads like a thirty-something year old man bragging about how smart he is and waxing philosophical about the nature of life (and... Breakfast food..?) and using a fictional teenage girl to do it.

That’s why I brought up the “mouthpiece” thing. I didn’t want to read a book about a thirty-something dressing up his thoughts as a teenage girl. I wanted to read a book about a teenage girl.

Speaking of Hazel Grace… I don’t know if this is a common experience, but can anyone else tell when a man writes a female character? I find that I usually can. Men have a particular voice when they write, and especially when they write women. Every single page hammered me over the head with the fact that this was a man who was trying (and, in my opinion, failing miserably) to write a relatable teenage girl. And, in my opinion, he parroted a lot of very upsetting, dangerous mentalities for young women.

There were quite a few “I’m not like other girls, and not just because of the cancer!” moments (a mentality that I find wholly problematic coming from other women, let alone a man writing for a woman) that just had me rolling my eyes straight out of their sockets. She doesn’t care about shoes, see! She reads books! Isn’t that awesome and unique? Because, apparently, women are not allowed to do both.

These problematic mentalities extend into the book’s romance plot, too. Augustus is, frankly, one of the creepiest motherfuckers I’ve ever had the displeasure to read about. Not only is his aggressive creepiness portrayed as romantic, but Hazel reacts exactly how men wish women would react to their advances. Unfortunately I don’t have a copy of the book in front of me so you won’t get much in the way of direct quotes, but some examples include:

He stares at her, completely unblinking, for the duration of their cancer kids support group meeting… before they’ve even so much as spoken a word to each other. Which also features this gem of a quote: "A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well." which just perpetuates the disgusting misconception that women are okay with being creeped on as long as a guy is attractive. Spoiler alert: We fucking aren’t.

He repeatedly refers to Hazel as “Hazel Grace”, despite her introducing herself as “Hazel” and asking him to just call her “Hazel”. And not only does he ask for her full name, he demands she give it to him. This rings all kinds of alarm bells for me, because you know who else does that kind of shit? Christian Grey. And it’s manipulative, disrespectful, and downright rude. It is essentially saying “I hear your desires, but I would prefer to address you how I want to address you, not how you would like to be addressed, because my ego is more important than your comfort”.

Hazel is perfectly fine with getting into a complete stranger’s car and spending time at his house mere minutes after meeting with him and after all of the questionable shit he just pulled.

Continuing this book’s litany of problems with women, let’s talk about Isaac’s (ex)girlfriend. The book treats their breakup as this massive betrayal, then even goes on to justify vandalizing her property because of it.

I’m sorry, but no.

You, as an autonomous human being, have the right to end a relationship with someone else whenever, wherever, and for whatever reasons you designate, regardless of previously expressed emotions or promises. How and when she did it was not the most ideal, but she’s an emotionally immature teenager, and there’s never going to be a good time to do something like this. What was she supposed to do, keep pity dating him because she felt sorry for him? Wait until someone invented technology to cure blindness? Assuming she did actually break up with him because of his disability… Are her reasons shitty? Sure. But she’s allowed to have them.

And you know what? He’s allowed to be mad about it. His anger might be completely understandable, if not totally justified. But you know what else? That does not give him the right to take revenge on her by vandalizing her property.

I would have no problem with this scene if it were honest about what it was: a bunch of teenagers with under-developed frontal lobes that are angry and feeling vindictive. But it’s not that. It’s depicted as not only completely justified, but heroic. I’m sorry, no. You are never heroic for harassing another human being.

And Augustus’s dumb little speech to her mom is such garbage. You really expect me to believe that a grown woman was so pwned by some jerk teenager’s super witty justification for destroying her property that she just went inside and, idk, watched TV? Didn’t call the police to report the crime that he and his friends were actively committing against her? Bullshit.

Speaking of bullshit, that scene is pretty egregious, but that doesn’t even begin to cover my issues with this book’s pretentious dialogue. If you told me that they ran every word in this book through Thesaurus.com then I would believe you without hesitation. The one hook, the draw, the thing that kept me reading was supposed to be the relatable characters, but they just aren’t relatable. They’re not realistic in the slightest. Seriously, go read any line of this book out loud and tell me how ridiculous you feel. I kept expecting Augustus to pull off his skinsuit and reveal that he was secretly a robot trying to imitate human speech the entire time.

I’m not sure how far I can go into this point without giving you direct quotes, but half the stuff that comes out of these characters mouths is pseudo-intellectual nonsense. “Put the killing thing between your teeth so it can’t kill you”?

It’s not a metaphor.

Putting an unlit cigarette in your mouth is still stupid. I guess it won’t give you lung cancer, but really? It’s still not a great idea.

Augustus has to go buy these cigarettes, which means he’s actively going out and giving money to an industry that has been funding pseudoscience and suppressing health initiatives that would prevent people from suffering what he did (i.e. fucking cancer).

Here’s a clue: Tobacco companies don’t actually care about what you do with the cigarettes. Their transaction stops as soon as you put the money in their hands. I could purchase a hundred packs and throw them in the garbage, and the only thing they know is that they got about $600 from me. Way to “stick it to the man”, asshole. You’re not clever.

With the exception of the Isaac’s-girlfriend thing, all of that is in chapters 1-4, by the way. This book turned me off so thoroughly that early.

So by the time the Amsterdam trip rolled around I was already not enjoying this book, but then this thing happened and it was just the final nail in the coffin for me. You probably know what I’m talking about already, but if you don’t… The Anne Frank Museum kiss.

I honestly cannot even articulate how incredibly tasteless and disrespectful I find the entire thing, and not only does that happen, but it’s followed by an r/ThatHappened “and then everybody stood up and clapped!” Seriously?

There are smarter, more well-versed people than me that have covered this topic, so I’ll leave the analysis for why that’s all kinds of wrong to them.

Those are really my big gripes, though there’s a few smaller ones (like Augustus throwing a pre-funeral like are you a psychopath? Why would you put the people you love through that???) that I’m not going to touch on because they weren’t all that instrumental in putting me off. Instead I’ll move on to the external factors.

The Fanbase

So I finished the book, a little miffed at having just wasted my time, and immediately told my friend that I didn’t like it much, and that I would be returning her copy the next day. Feeling pretty meh-to-slightly-negative about it, but whatever, it happens.

I was essentially met with “wow I can’t believe you didn’t get it.” and “Oh well maybe you’ll finally understand how deep it is when you’re older” from my friend. Which is really just one step away from the wow can’t you read?! BS that I’ve been seeing more and more frequently these days. So immediately I was pissed. All that aside, I was sixteen, the target age demographic? If I didn’t ‘get it’ then John Green was doing a pretty piss poor job of conveying what it is.

So I went online seeking something. Either validation that I wasn’t wrong and that I didn’t miss the point, the book just wasn’t great, or an explanation of what this it was that I’d missed. And let me tell you... Spotting a negative opinion of this book was like looking for a unicorn. There were a few, and many of them were met with the same kind of thing I had experienced. Vitriol, insistence that they were stupid or that they didn’t get it (again, with no explanation of what it was), and, apparently, a lot of harassment and threats.

I discovered that John Green’s target audience had a tendency to be… A bit obsessive. Lots of young, impressionable teenagers that were willing to jump on an opposing opinion with zealous outrage. If I had any interest in pursuing any of John Green’s other works or John Green as an internet personality any further, then it died in that moment. Absolutely nothing turns me off like a rabid, spiteful fanbase.

Now by this point I was already in the rabbit hole, and I began encountering a lot of criticisms of John Green and the things he’s said and done in the past. I did not like what I found.

John Green Himself

To be extremely blunt, the guy put such a bad taste in my mouth that it retroactively soured my opinion of The Fault in Our Stars even more. Since this is a post about my opinions on the book, I’m only going to be discussing things that affected my view at the time I read it. These are all things that happened six years ago, and I have no idea what this man has been up to or what he’s said about any of these topics since.

Let’s just get this out of the way… John Green writes the same book over and over. There’s always a quirky, nerdy white boy that is invariably cisgendered, and almost always straight. He is always an outcast with only a few friends, though apparently never directly bullied. He always meets an edgy girl that he falls in love with the idea of. Usually there is a road trip somewhere in there too.

The Fault in our Stars admittedly doesn’t follow the exact same framework, but it’s close enough in a lot of ways. Instead of the Quirky, Too-Smart-For-His-Own-Good cisboi being the PoV character, it’s the love interest (Hazel also fits this description, albeit a female version). Hazel and Augustus are both still outcasts. Hazel is attracted to Augustus because he’s Deep and Edgy and A Little Larger Than Life. The road trip is a flight to Amsterdam.

Looking at the man... Yeah the entire premise starts to come off as some weird self-insert fanfiction. I can feel the “I was a quirky, bullied teen and I wish this is how my high school life had been!” energy coming through absolutely every pore and every molecule of ink. Every character reads like John Green. John Green has written book after book and the main character always appears to be John Green in a slightly different teenage skinsuit.

And that’s fine, I guess. A little lazy, but I guess it’s working for him since he’s making hella bank? It’s certainly not enough to put me off the guy, just not something I’m interested in reading, and not something I find compelling.

What put me off for good were some of his comments. Dude skeeves me the fuck out. I’ll just go over some of the highlights I found at the time, and why they upset me so much when I heard them.

“Nerd girls are the world's most underutilized romantic resource.”

As a nerdy girl that has been stalked and harassed by men because I’m “good girlfriend material” (aka I like video games and traditionally masculine stuff and I’m pretty! I must be a unicorn!), this statement is disgusting.

I don’t care if it was a joke. I don’t care if he wasn’t being serious. This is the kind of shit that men think is a compliment because they think it makes “quirky” girls feel “unique” and “special”, but that “complement” is also an insult. You know why? Because it makes female interests all about how men perceive their sexual or romantic viability.

John Green’s penchant for writing “special” and “unique” girls (while simultaneously shaming “typical” girls, but I’ll get to that in the next point) and depicting them as the ideal woman just reaffirms my feelings about this quote. I think, on some level, John Green has no idea why this is such a bad take. And that’s not even getting into the fact that he called human beings resources. Women are not objects that exist to be a plot device or for your gratification. Fuck right off with that shit.

“She was incredibly hot, in that popular-girl-with-bleached-teeth-and-anorexia kind of way, which was Colin’s least favourite way of being hot”

This is just one quote of many that shames people with eating disorders and weight problems (on both ends of the spectrum, “too fat” and “too skinny”. Another fun one being: “there’s the weird culturally-constructed definition of hot, which means ‘that individual is malnourished, and has probably had plastic bags inserted into her breasts.’")

Know what this line is? It’s called “negging”, and it’s a popular tactic of incels because it works. You make someone seek your approval by intentionally giving them backhanded compliments to undermine their self esteem. The idea is that the more you insult them, the harder they’ll work to try and impress you. It doesn’t work on everyone, but you know who it does tend to work on? Insecure younger people (usually girls). You know who John Green’s target audience is? Insecure teenage girls.

As for the actual substance of the quote… I hate it. He’s shaming a woman for the choices she makes over her appearance. Which are, fun fact, none of his damn business. Also the idea that “skinny” and “anorexic” somehow need to go hand in hand is just wrong, insulting women for a mental health disorder they have no control over is offensive, and using a serious mental health disorder (did you know that anorexia is the most deadly mental health condition?) as an insult is disgusting.

Coming back to my earlier point about shaming “normal” girls, this quote is just the tip of the iceberg. He repeatedly shames women in his books for looking or behaving “typically”, while quirky girls are lauded as the ideal. Quirky girls are “weird and interesting” and normal girls are “boring”. If this was intended as a compliment, it’s a shitty one. If you have to shame one group to make another feel better, it is not a compliment. You are lowering all women when you pull that shit. You teach them that in order to feel good about themselves another group has to be made to feel worse.

And hey, maybe the pretty girl likes her teeth bleached because it makes her feel confident? Why can’t bleached teeth girl and anime t-shirt girl both be beautiful and unique and confident in their own right? Why is it “powerful” for anime t-shirt girl to wear her nerdy clothes, but scorn-worthy for bleached teeth girl to like bleaching her teeth?

What John Green is doing is simply replacing one ideal (skinny pretty girl) with another (quirky cute girl), and then he pretends like his version is somehow “woke” because it’s not based on physical appearance (though all of the women in his books are also physically attractive. Hmmm. Guess “nerd girls” are only “viable resources” when they aren’t hard to look at?).

And trust me, I’ve been down this path. I’ve been taken in by guys who try to make me feel ~special~ by putting down other women, and it leads to absolutely nothing good. It doesn’t make you feel better. It just makes you feel angry and resentful, and that’s not a place you want to be in. In fact, this was a mentality I had recently escaped from around the time I picked up this book. Seeing someone with as much influence as John Green parroting this specific brand of toxic shit to exactly the audience that would be most likely to feed into it? I was never going to be able to like the guy, sorry.

I know some people are able to “separate the art from the artist”, and I might have been willing to do that had the book actually been good… but it wasn’t. So in the end the book just looked worse for all of the author’s shortcomings.

So yeah, in summary: The book was mediocre at best, the author pushed all of my angry feminist buttons, and elements of the fanbase were annoying, condescending, and spiteful. I didn’t like the book in the first place due to the myriad of problems plaguing it, but everything else just made it look so much worse in hindsight.

Anyways, this probably got kind of ranty, but it was cathartic and I did make this blog to vent about dumb stuff. I think this qualifies.

[sunlightdances]

Love Laid Down (Part Three)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Rating: PG (this part) Words: 3K (this part) Summary: You and Sam visit Pastor Williams’ wife to see if she knows more than she’s letting on, and listen to a shocking new piece of evidence that could lead you to figuring out what happened to the missing couples. Dean has a revelation. Author’s Note: Here’s the next part! There’s two POV switches in this chapter, but I marked them pretty clearly. Only 2 more chapters to go! 

Get caught up: Part One // Part Two

.

The Pastor’s home is a quaint house not far from the one you’re renting, white picket fence out front giving off the perfect air of small town life. You approach cautiously, feeling that same prickly feeling on the back of your neck that just won’t go away.

Sam is behind you, and you look back at him, seeing him looking around warily. He feels it too, you think, and you double check that you’ve got your gun tucked into the waistband of your jeans and your knife tucked into your boot.

“You wanna go over this again?” Sam asks you, and you shake your head.

“No, I’ve got it. New in town, the Pastor said you weren’t well, wanted to introduce ourselves, here’s a pie, yada yada.”

Sam nods. “When she asks about why we moved?”

“Dean and I are newly married and wanted a fresh start.” You repeat, feeling like a robot. You’ve gone over this a hundred times.

As you were talking on the walk over, Sam has been more and more convinced that the key to figuring out what’s going on is behind the front door of the Pastor’s home. You were a little freaked, too. Not just because of the feelings you’ve been having that are making you increasingly more paranoid, but because you can’t shake how weird it was when Pastor Williams told you and Dean about his sick wife.

He didn’t say anything about what was wrong, and no one else seemed to mention her. When you asked a neighbor about her, the woman straight up turned pale. It’s weird, especially for a small town that seems to treat each other like family.

You nod at Sam, and he knocks gently on the door. If the woman really is sick, you don’t want to startle her. There’s still a chance that whatever’s going on in this place has nothing to do with her, and you don’t want to rub her the wrong way if that ends up being the case.

The door creaks open, and you plaster a smile on your face. “Hi, Mrs. Williams?”

She looks suspicious. “Do I know you?”

“Sorry,” Sam interjects, “I’m Sam and this is my sister-in-law. We’re new in town and just wanted to drop by and say hello. We heard you haven’t been feeling well.”

Her eyes dart around like she’s looking for someone, but she looks back at you quickly, mustering a small smile. “Please, come in.”

You walk into the living room, and you force yourself not to freeze in your tracks when walk over the threshold, hearing a crunch under your shoes. Looking down, your brows furrow when you see it.

Salt.

In a thin, neat line, Mrs. Williams has table salt right under where the front door would be if it were closed, out of sight. You clench your jaw, wondering how wrong you could have gotten this. She might not be the cause of whatever’s happening here, but she knows who is.

“I don’t get many visitors. Not since… not since I became sick.” She finishes, and you can see the lie in her eyes so clearly. As you make eye contact, it’s almost like she knows you aren’t who you say you are and is begging you to see through what she’s telling you.

Sam smiles gently. “We brought a pie. Do you mind if we sit down for a minute?”

“Not at all, and please, it’s Connie.”

“Connie.” You smile. “Can I be honest with you?” You ask, and Sam’s eyes snap to yours, a warning in them. You ignore him, and continue, your instincts screaming at you. “My husband and I didn’t move here to get a fresh start.”

Sam says your name, but you ignore him.

“We came here because we heard about the missing people, and we want to help. My husband was a detective.”

Her face shutters, and you think you’ve just made a mistake that could stop the case in its tracks, or get you killed. Or both.

“Did I give myself away?” She asks quietly, and Sam’s head whips around to stare at her, mouth agape. “I’ve done everything-- everything I can to protect myself, but I don’t know how much longer--”

“Connie.” Sam says urgently. “Wait. You know what’s happening here?”

“Of course I know.” She says bitterly. “It’s all partly my fault.”

.

.

Dean is fidgeting. He’s been in this big ass creepy house by himself for the last two hours, and he’s still jumpy from what happened at the church with you this morning. He has no idea what the hell is happening to him.

He should have known not to agree to this plan Sam cooked up. Right from the beginning, he should have kept objecting until you both dropped it. Now it’s all going to shit, and he wants to punch something.

He remembers the tone of your voice after church, and how you wouldn’t look at him when you suggested that you go with Sam to interview the Pastor’s wife. He could kick himself. He let himself get lost in the act, lost in the moment you were putting on back there at the church.

But then there’s a part of him that wonders… there was no one around. The way you looked at him… it’s almost like you forgot what you were doing, too. He knows it doesn’t do any good to think about this any longer, especially because if something were going to happen, it would have by now, wouldn’t it?

But you were out with Sam.

He grinds his teeth and then looks up when he sees you running up the front steps, Sam hot on your heels. His heart rate spikes, immediately thinking something is wrong, and he flings open the front door before you can get to it, causing you to run straight into him, his free arm going around your waist to keep you upright.

“Dean,” you breathe, and he stares at you, his emotions on overdrive. “We figured it out.” You say, and he pushes you inside before doing the same to Sam, checking the street to make sure no one’s watching you.

You’re pacing, much like Dean just was, when he comes back into the living room. “It’s the wife.”

“What? She did it?”

“No, no.” Sam interjects. “She… well, she thinks she caused all this, and I think she might be right.”

You stop pacing, grabbing Dean by the arm. “We went to her house, right? As soon as she let us in I noticed there was a salt line by the front door. Table salt, but still. She knew something was coming after her.”

It’s becoming hard for Dean to ignore the way he feels when he watches you like this - eyes lit up with the thrill of solving the case, the excitement palpable in your words.

Sam picks up where you left off, “She said when she and Pastor Williams moved here, the entire town was in economic downturn. Shops were closing, people were moving. It was like they were cursed. So, she and her husband prayed.”

Dean frowns. “Shit. They weren’t just praying to no one, were they?”

“No.” You say, practically bouncing on your feet. “They got someone’s attention. At first, things just started happening - the crops started growing again, and the well in town that hasn’t worked in years started flowing again.”

“And no one thought that was weird?” Dean asks.

“They’re people of the church, Dean.” Sam says. “They just thought their prayers were being answered. And they were, but it was by a pagan God. Not by, well, Chuck.”

Dean swears. “Don’t tell me--”

Sam nods. “It’s just like that case we worked before.”

“The fuckin’ scarecrow.”

“What?” You interrupt, looking confused.

“Dean and I worked a case once where a pagan God was taking sacrifices to keep the town afloat.”

“We have no idea if that part is actually happening. But Connie -- Pastor Williams’ wife -- seemed pretty sure that whatever has been taking people was going to come after her next.”

Dean frowns. “Why? If she’s on the right side of this…”

“She isn’t.” You say, “That’s the problem. Once she noticed people were disappearing, she told her husband what she thought, and he wouldn’t listen to her. He started telling her to stay at home, so she couldn’t go blabbing around to the rest of the town that whatever was happening wasn’t natural.”

“He made it all up about her being sick.”

“Yep,” you say, “but that’s not the worst part. There’s one couple left that hasn’t made the ultimate sacrifice.” You use finger quotes.

“Shit.” Dean says again. “The salt line… she’s trying to keep it out so she can’t be sacrificed?”

“That’s what we think. She wouldn’t say anything. She said she didn’t know who was listening, and she’s still not sure that her husband is trying to protect her. She can’t get a read on him, and since people have still been disappearing, she doesn’t think he’s done anything to stop all this.”

“So what are we going to do? Hide her? Get her the hell out of town?”

“We have to kill whatever it is, Dean.” You say, looking at him like he’s grown two heads. He feels so anxious about going after this, knowing that Pagan Gods are no joke, if you’re all right and Connie is telling the truth.

He can’t stand the thought of you being tied to a stake and almost killed like he and Sam were the last time they came up against something like this.

“Let’s just take a minute and figure this out. We’ll grab a bite and come up with a plan.”

“I’m not sure we have time, Dean.” Sam says. “We’re not sure who exactly this Pagan god even is, and if it’s coming after people, we’re on borrowed time.”

Dean’s palms are itchy at the thought of something coming after you, and he wants to tell you to take the Impala and get as far away from here as you possibly can.

He’s so fucked.

.

.

You’ve done all the preparations you possibly can, and you’re practically dead on your feet as you get back to the house that night with Sam and Dean.

The plan is to do a summoning spell and essentially trap whoever’s taking people in this town. You’re a little worried about what will happen to this place afterwards, but it can’t be worse than their own neighbors and friends sacrificing themselves month after month.

“Get some sleep,” Sam says. “Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.” He disappears down the long hallway to the bedroom he picked out for himself, and you can see the light on underneath Dean’s door, though he doesn’t come out or say anything when you walk by.

You’re so tired you don’t even stop to change your clothes - you just kick your shoes off and lay on top of the comforter, sleep overtaking you almost as soon as you close your eyes.

In the middle of the night, you’re startled awake. You don’t know by what, but your eyes snap open and you suck in a deep breath, the feeling of someone watching you greater than it’s been at any point during this hunt. Your eyes dart to the open door of the bedroom, and you freeze, knowing you pulled it shut behind you before you fell asleep.

Getting out of bed slowly, you tiptoe to the door, looking for any indicator that either of the Winchesters are up for a midnight snack, or having trouble sleeping. The house is all dark, except for a shadow you see move from right to left out of the corner of your eye.

The hairs on your arms stand on end as you duck back into your room, rooting through your bag quickly for your gun. Once you have a good grip, you pad quietly down the hallway, heading towards the stairs where you saw the shadow go down.

Dean’s door creaks open and you aim, just in case, but quickly lower it when you see him looking at you, alarmed.

“Someone is in the house.” You whisper, and his face turns to steel. He gestures for you to head downstairs.

“Right behind you, kid.”

You go down the stairs slowly, waiting for Dean’s eyes to adjust to the dark. There’s a rustling noise from the living room, and you both turn quickly at the noise, guns pointed towards the large room. Before you can get there, the shadow is in front of you suddenly, pushing you backwards hard, so you stumble and hit the wall, struggling to keep your balance.

Dean goes after it, but you can already see whoever or whatever it is out the broken side door, Dean left standing there, gun raised. He turns back to you as you get to your feet, arm reaching for your elbow.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Did you get a good look?”

“Not really.” He shakes his head. “Someone’s suspicious.” He gestures towards the living room, where his laptop is on its side, but thankfully not broken. Your bag has been rifled through, papers strewn about the room. You’re grateful there was nothing important left inside - none of you are dumb enough to leave it that stuff around where anyone could find it. “Did you hear them break in?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“No. I just… I woke up. Felt like someone was watching me.”

Dean clenches his jaw. “Come on. I’ll camp out with you tonight.”

“You don’t have t--”

“I’m not going to let some perv try to break in here and watch you while you sleep again.” Dean says, his voice gravelly. “This isn’t a discussion. Come on.”

You roll your eyes, but go upstairs anyway, glaring at him when he very pointedly holds open your bedroom door so you can go inside before him. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I didn’t say you did.”

“I also don’t need you to hang around and--”

“If you want me to go, I’ll go.” He says, interrupting you, and you’re a little thrown off when you hear genuine hurt in his voice. You meet his eyes, and can see it the moment before he throws his walls back up - there’s emotion there that you’re not sure how to define. “Forget it,” he says, heading for the door.

“Dean, wait.” You say, before you can talk yourself out of it. “Look... “ you trail off, feeling uncomfortable. This feels different, and you don’t know why. It’s just Dean. “Just-- just lay down before I change my mind.”

He mumbles something under his breath, but as you’re pulling back the sheets on the bed, you see it before he can manage to hide the small smile on his lips.

After going to the bathroom to finally get out of your clothes from the day, you’re exhausted again, and more than ready to get back to sleep. When you come back in the room, Dean is already asleep on the left side of the bed, his arm outstretched towards the side where you’d be sleeping.

Your heart does a weird flip in your chest at the sight, but you force yourself to remember that this is not a big deal. It’s just Dean, doing what he does for everyone - take care of them. Still, something about his face - worry lines smoothed with sleep and lashes full against his cheekbone - makes you stop and stare at him, wondering when you started feeling like this.

You get into bed slowly, not wanting to wake him up, and sigh at the warmth you can already feel radiating from him as your eyes slip shut.

.

.

Dean wakes up when he feels a weight settle on his chest, and he furrows his brow, his eyes struggling to adjust to the sunlight streaming into the room. It takes him a minute to remember where he is, but he’s forcefully brought back to the present by you rolling over with a huff, still asleep, flinging your arm across his chest as you get comfortable.

His entire body goes tense, waiting for you to wake up and realize where you are. The moment never comes, though, and your soft breath against his neck makes him melt into you, just a little. Feeling selfish, he lets himself look at you, relaxed and unguarded with sleep.

The lines around your eyes are diminished, the ever-present crease between your brows that you get when you’re thinking are gone. He doesn’t move, doesn’t try to touch you, in fear that you’ll wake up and slap the daylights out of him.

He’s struck for a minute by how right it feels to have you here with him, like this. He doesn’t let himself wish for things often, but he lets himself do it this one time. He wishes that he could be a normal person, with a normal life, that could be the type of guy you would want.

He wishes that you weren’t all on a hunt, that this wasn’t some engineered plan to lure out a monster. He wishes that the rest of the day would just disappear - no killing, no possibility of anyone getting hurt, or worse.

He wishes he could keep you safe.

Someone was in the house last night, someone who probably already knows you three aren’t who you say you are, and he’s terrified that you’re already two steps behind. The realization that this could go horribly, horribly wrong is what makes up his mind for him -- his arm slipping down around your shoulders as he tugs you closer.

He tells himself it’s just reassurance that he needs right now, and shoves that little voice that says it’s something more way down deep in his gut.

He’s just got to get you through this day, and then he’ll start figuring out what the hell is going on inside his head, and his heart.

Part Four

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[angelicaphelion-archive]

Soulmate Tattoo AU

I wrote a soulmate au thingy abt my ocs so it’ll have the first paragraph and the rest will be under the cut

AU: The first sentence you hear from your soulmate is tattooed on your wrist.

CHAPTER 1 - The System

Getting the tattoo was completely optional. Some got it, some didn’t. Before getting it, the system would pass tests and scans to really know if it was your choice or if it was a relative or a friend who forced you to get one. Those who wanted it got it. They seemed pretty content with it and hoped to find their soulmate soon and near. Others who didn’t want it we’re also content with that decision. They we’re very capable of living without knowing what their soulmate would first say to them, or even without a care about who that soulmate was. Needless to say, aromantics and asexuals were very content about it being a choice.

For some, though, it was more tragic than that. Some who wanted it got nothing in return. A blank wrist where there should have been words. That usually meant that they would never meet their soulmate, either because they would die before meeting them, or because their soulmate would die before meeting them. Most people that had this result went into mourning and some even committed suicide. For others, sometimes, the words tattooed on their wrist were tragic: “You’re not going to make it” or “See you in the afterlife.” After those words appear on your body, you’d rather be already dead.

Nobody knew how the system worked, except of course those who built it. It was never wrong though. Magic or very advanced science of probabilities, it was hard to tell.

Asking to see someone else’s tattoo was quite common. It wouldn’t usually pass as rude; it was more like a subject of conversations for those meeting each other for the first time. It would also make things quicker. Sometimes, people we’re lucky, sometimes not. Sometimes, it would lead to an unfortunate and rare mistake.

Some planets banned this system because it created chaos and confusion throughout the cities and towns. Like I said, it’s a choice, but some people took it too seriously. Those planets we’re fine without this system after a few rotations around their star.

Me? It was a teenage mistake. Fooling around, wanting to know if that crush was the one. It wasn’t. It never was. All I got were those stupid words: “Bet you didn’t see that coming.” Also, note for whoever is reading this, don’t ask to see someone else’s tattoo while on a date. It usually never ends well.

I’m the only one on my crew that has one. I mean, we’re three, but still. Faheema decided against it and Aethull’s planet was never introduced to this system, and honestly, he couldn’t care less about finding a soulmate, or anyone to date, really. I can respect that. Some days, I completely regret getting that tattoo. If only I had known what I would do as a job. I would be way better off without knowing.

But it’s too late.

 CHAPTER 2 - The Attack

“So, do you ever wonder who has the other half of your tattoo?” said Faheema, breaking my moment of thinking about it. He usually never brings up the subject, which raises up the question: What if he can read my mind? This would be highly unlikely.

“-Nope, I say casually. And I don’t want to talk about it.

-Right, teenage mistake, sorry.” apologized Faheema.

He then went back to staring at the space before us, being the co-pilot he is. It was a good thing he spoke, though, because I really needed to be brought back from my thoughts. I stretch and say: “Take the commands; I’ll go for a quick walk.” He nods and takes my seat as I go outside the cockpit. I walk around aimlessly a bit and find Aethull in the kitchen, experimenting with food from my home world. He basically takes whatever he can find and tries to make them taste good together. Sometimes it works; sometimes it’s a complete disaster. I’m sure he’ll become a great cook for this spaceship someday.

After talking with him a bit, I go back to the cockpit and take back the commands. Then I notice something odd.

“-Have you been monitoring the radar? I ask, as I spot something following us on the screen of the device.

-No, why- oh. Faheema says, looking over. Um... It’s probably nothing?

-Let’s hope so.”

We continue our route but the thing following us still appears on the radar. Sometimes it stays back, sometimes it gets closer. It’s clearly not attacking, but not abandoning us that easily.

After a while, it gets really close. Then the attack begins. A first impact hits our ship and Aethull comes rushing in the cockpit.

“-WE’RE BEING ATTACKED, alarmingly screams Aethull.

-THANKS, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS.” I answer as I try to navigate away from this ship.

A second impact, this time more damaging than the last. Alarms start going off, but nothing life-threatening... except our fuel and electricity levels going down. They hit the tanks. They easily catch up and I know. I realize. They’re pirates. They’re going to board our ship. Something hits our ship, but doesn’t damage it.

That’s our signal

“Find a weapon to fight back. We got pirates attached to the ship.”

Both Aethull and Faheema nod and storm off to find something. Sure, this ship isn’t for attack or boarding, but it can’t be empty of weapons, right? Meanwhile, I go to my quarters and find the laser gun I first brought. I can hear more alarms everywhere, and lights go on and off. I creep silently around, waiting to find and attack those pirates.

Then I feel something hit my head and I fall to the ground, unconscious.

 CHAPTER 3 - The Alternate View

Knim rounds them up.

“-Is this it? I ask.

-Uh... yep, they answer, unsure if it’s a bad thing or not.

-Only three of them? I ask again

-Yeah.

-Shit, this’ll be easier than I thought.”

While waiting for them to wake up, I look around this ship. Classy, but not extremely modern. It could sell well. I also look at the crew members. There seems to be an android and a human, but the other? Probably an hybrid of some sort. Only the human has a wrist tattoo but don’t really care about looking at it. I also have one, and it seems sarcastic as fuck: “Oh, no, totally not...”

“-Actually, Knim, how hard did you hit them? It’s taking long.

-Um... w-well, they start, nervously.

-I’m just joking, I could wait for an eternity, for all I fucking care. I just want to ask them a few questions, or just intimidate them. Who the fuck cares.”

After a few hours, they started to finally wake up. The last one to awaken was the human.

“-Bet you didn’t see that coming, I say.

-Oh, no, totally not... we didn’t see you follow us for hours...” says the human sarcastically.

Then it hits me like a fucking train. I quickly look at the human’s tattoo.

“Hmph.”

I look at Knim, signaling I want to talk to them privately. Once we’re out of this room, I start talking like crazy.

“-Holy shit Knim we have matching tattoos I mean their phrase is quite common but combined with mine? Holy fuck Knim we just captured them, they can’t be my soulmate, that’s fucked up.

-Wait... are you sure? Enquires Knim.

-Well the phrase written on their wrist clearly was the first one I said to them, and the phrase on mine clearly was the first one they said to me!

-Hm... It’s possible! I mean- uh... unless it’s not what you want to hear? Then it’s imp-

-Holy fuck Knim, have you seen them? A fucking hot mess, that’s what they are.

-If... you say so?

-Fuck yes, I say so. Um. Ok, I need to calm down, I say, taking a deep breath. I still need to ask them questions.”

We both go into the previous room and I know. I know the robot heard something. I can see it in their sensors. I doubt they told anyone, though, because the two others look partially defiant, partially scared. I sit on a chair and try to focus on something else than their smug look.

“-So. What is this ship for? I ask calmly.

-For none of your business, says the human.

-Please, try to cooperate. It’ll be way easier this way.

-It’s for research and alien knowledge development,” says the robot, looking straight at me.

The human sends them a sharp look, and the robot only stares back smugly.

“-Ah. Thank you very much for your collaboration. See, I thought about something, I start. We’re at war with the Aegis Council and-

-We won’t collaborate with you pirates, says the human, sharply and direct.

-Let me finish first, I continue. We’re at war with the Aegis Council and we only need a bit of information about some alien species. Nothing serious, we’ll contact you when needed. Also, you won’t get attacked by pirate ships anymore, throughout the whole galaxy. Is that a deal?

-No- starts the human.

-Yeah, deal, cuts off the robot.

-What the fuck, Faheema?

-Well, it’s a good deal. I don’t see why you’d oppose to that. We get immunity from pirates simply from doing the job we’re supposed to do.

-Yeah, Alex, starts the hybrid. It’s not bad, it’s actually very good. If the only reason you don’t want to do it is because you’re intimidated, that’s fine, but we still gotta do it.

-I’M NOT- Urgh, fine. Let’s do it, says the human (who’s apparently called Alex)

-Good! I say. Since we’ll be working together, my name’s Kai. Kai Morgan. My second-in-command is Knimsoeo Toxxarc, but call them Knim.”

I look at Knim for them to undo the bonds of our former prisoners while the others introduce themselves.

“-I’m Faheema, says the robot.

-And I’m Aethull, adds the hybrid.

-...And I’m Alex, captain of this ship. He’s my co-pilot, he says, pointing at Faheema, then pointing at Aethull, he adds, and he used to be our prisoner. So do we just-

-Did you find your soulmate? I mumble.

-I’m sorry, what? asks Alex.

-What? Oh yes. I’d need your number- I mean- The number for the station you use so we can contact you.”

While they’re giving me the information, I look at Faheema. I know he knows and he knows I know. I approach him.

“-Faheema, could we talk in private for a moment, I try to say as menacingly as possible.

-Why can’t we do it here? he asks, smiling like a child.

-No, I say sharply. Come on.”

We go in the next room.

“-Promise me you won’t tell him, I almost plead.

-Tell him what? says Faheema, still trying to look clueless.

-Come on, I know you know. Luckily, he still hasn’t picked on the clue yet and it’s a damn miracle. I don’t want him to find out just yet.

-Hm... alright.

-Promise.

-I promise

-Thanks,” I finally say.

We go back in and me and Knim finally go back in our ship and leave theirs.

 CHAPTER 4 - The Clue

“Hey, Alex, don’t feel too down, it was a good deal.”

Alex stares at me and then looks back at the glass.

“-Hey, I know you don’t want to talk about them but uh... I noticed the pirate captain had a tattoo, I say.

-So? he asks. Lots of people get a tattoo.

-I know... I just thought it was interesting. I didn’t think pirates would even get one.

-Maybe he got it as a teen, or before he became a pirate, for all I care.

-I also noticed he tried to ask for your number?

-He clearly meant the ship station number.

-Are you sure?

-Faheema, what do you want to get at?

-Nothing! I’m just pointing stuff out. I’m not telling you anything important, just details I can’t help but notice.

-Hey, what did he talk about when you were alone?

-Oh, you know business stuff. Just... business.

-Alright.”

That’s it? He still won’t get the fucking clue? Does he pretend not to know only to piss me off or is he really that clueless about love? I’m a robot, not supposed to feel any emotion, for the gods’ sake! I thought humans we’re full of emotions and all, but apparently I’m less clueless than the one sitting next to me.

Then, suddenly, he looks down at his wrist. He looked and knows this line, but he still looks at it.

“FUCK.”

Finally. He realized. I knew he couldn’t be that clueless.

“-Sorry, but what the fuck did you say his tattoo was?

-I didn’t mention it, I say slowly, but it was ‘Oh, no, totally not-’

-HOLY FUCK FAHEEMA WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME DIRECTLY GODS HOW COULD I BE SO BLIND!”

Aethull storms in, clearly disturbed.

“-I heard... screaming? What’s happening?

-He realized Kai was his ‘soulmate’, I whisper in his ear.

-Holy shit. Really?”

I nod and look back at Alex. He’s clearly having a mental breakdown.

“-It’s not that bad, you know?

-What the fuck do you mean.

-Well they could be really ugly or be really shitty, but instead you got this kinda-awkward pirate dude.

-Yeah, adds Aethull. I mean, he’s kinda hot, I can’t deny that.”

Alex glares at the both of us.

Hey, at least he got the clue.