#While Jack is two seconds away from collapsing because he only ''ate'' a cup of coffee yesterday

[immediatebreakfast]

One thing that I love about the different entries written by most of the characters is all of the many writing styles, and prose that are brought by the changing narrative of both the physical events, and the response to those events.

Jack Seward's prose (or to be more precise his dialogue) is very poetic. He uses metaphors to describe his feelings, and puts latin words to convey what he thinks when english can't provide for a fitting word. On top of that, Seward blurres the line between profesional and personal while recording about the state of R.M Renfield, to the point that Seward admits of wanting to keep the man "in his madness" which gives his entry a note of darkness.

"Mem., under what circumstances would I not avoid the pit of hell?) Omnia Romæ venalia sunt. Hell has its price! verb. sap."

So it's really funny, and weirdly fitting how the first time we read Seward's perspective he is in a pure spiral of depression after getting rejected by Lucy. Trying to desperately focus on his work while absolutely not being in the correct mindset to treat any patients, and telling how the void is calling to him.

In contrast, we got our resident cowboy Quincey P. Morris, writing in a very casual yet fantastic prose. The kind of prose that only a storyteller could develop after telling so many wonderful tales. Quincey writes of travels, of old campfires filled with secrets, of many wounds dressed and many to come. His "voice" is bouncy, and leaves the reader wondering about what he said. It's a prose that tells how close Arthur and Quincey really are.

"There are more yarns to be told, and other wounds to be healed, and another health to be drunk. Won't you let this be at my camp-fire to-morrow night?"

With this in mind, the letter sent by Quincey brings an amazing warmth to the entry. He asks Arthur to come to his campfire to congratulate him for his accepted proposal, along with getting Jack out of the asylum. Telling us about old adventures that the three of them spent while leaving an air of curiosity around it. With promises of pure friendship, and warm welcomes.

[gentlyquietly]

Can You Stop That? (It Makes Me Want To...)

***WARNING! Characters will be a bit OOC

Aesop worked on the cipher in front of his stiffly as he infamous photographer stood right next to him. His muscles ached from the amount of tension he was in right now. He could feel Joseph’s eyes roaming all over him, which did not help at all. 

“...You.” Joseph suddenly called out, startling Aesop and causing him to miss a calibration, the shock making him flinch.

Out of the corner of his vision, Aesop sees Joseph furrow his eyebrows, making his heart dropping to his stomach.

This was it. Joseph was done playing his little games and he was going to get chaired.

“...Can you stop that? It’s distracting.”

Aesop blinked, “huh?”

What?

...

Aesop sighed to himself silently as he left the match, it was a tough one, but thankfully they managed to get two people out. After giving each of his teammates a like and a nod, Aesop headed to the dining room, where Naib and Eli were seated. 

Naib seemed to be complaining about something, while Eli was trying his best to comfort him. 

As Aesop got closer, he could hear what they were saying. 

“---Old fart! I swear the next time I see him if I don’t kite him for more than 240s I’ll jump on Jack’s bed myself!!”

Eli paused, even though his eyes were covered with clothe, Aesop could still imagine the look he was giving Naib right now.

“...I wouldn’t easily promise things that you might regret.” Eli slowly warned. His predictions told him that in about 1 week, Naib would deeply regret those words. 

But of course, Naib was way too deep in his head to think about what he was saying. 

Aesop sat down in the chair next to him silently, pulling down his mask slightly so he could eat. 

“Aesop! You’re here! Listen to this, I don’t know what got into him today but that damn photographer is--” Aesop’s ears perked up when he heard the mention of photographer, but didn’t let it show. For the next 20 minutes, as Aesop ate, he listened to Naib complain about the last round he had with the photographer, and his ‘stupid goddamn 1.5 damage’. 

Aesop listened intently, nodding along to whatever Naib said. It wasn’t the first time Naib complained about hunters, but it was a first to see him angry enough to make a bet. 

Naib finally finished with a huff. Grabbing his cup and gulping down the remaining liquid inside.

“Anyways, just be careful of him today. He’s in one of his hissy fits again for god knows what reason.” Naib mumbled as he gathered his plate. Eli also stood as Aesop finished the remains on his plate. 

“Well then Aesop, I’ll see you in a couple of matches!” Eli waved to him as he and Naib walked off, leaving Aesop alone in the dining room. 

He checked the time, his next match was in 10 minutes. Gathering his stuff, Aesop headed to the lobby.

The first couple of rounds were okay, Michiko let them win a round since Helena was with them, Jack was too focused on chasing after Naib so they won that round. Wu Chang on the other hand did not go easy on them, and Aesop along with all three of his teammates were chaired, the gamekeeper’s match was a close one, but Patricia managed to get out through the dungeon. 

Then, there was the match with Joseph. 

The survivors in the match were Aesop, Kevin, Luca, and Lucky up against the Photographer, Joseph. The map was Arms Factory. 

Aesop had spawned in the corner near the ruins, he quickly took note of where the other survivors were and put down his coffin. 

Flash. Joseph had taken a photo. After a moment, the mirror image of Luca was knocked down. 

Surprisingly enough, Joseph didn’t rush to chair Luca, but instead downed Kevin, who was closer to where they were. Aesop mentally took note of where they were before focusing on the cipher at hand, he was trying desperately to finish it before the mirror world collapsed. 

...

“Let’s make a deal shall we?” Joseph wiped his sword as he eyed the two survivors in front of him. Kevin and Luca looked at each other, before eyeing him suspiciously. 

“...I’ll let all four of you go, if you give me Aesop carl for this round.” 

His sentence was not even finished before Kevin scowled at him, “And betray Aesop?! No way in hell!” 

Joseph raised an eyebrow, “Loyal, are we not?” He hummed, “I won’t chair him. I just want to talk to him.”

Kevin and Luca glanced at each other, then back at Joseph. 

Luca hesitantly called out, “...You won’t chair him?”

“A gentleman never goes back on his promise.”

“Just want to talk to him?”

“Oui.”

After a conflicting moment, Luca and Kevin agreed, running off to tell both Lucky and Aesop that the hunter would be friendly this round. Luca leading Joseph straight to where Aesop is.

‘...We’re sorry Aesop!!!’ Luca gave him a small two finger salute before running off, leaving them alone.

...

“Huh?”

“Stop doing that.” Joseph frowned at him, “It’s annoying, and it makes me want to...”

“I-I’m sorry Mr.Joseph, I...don’t understand what I’m doing that is upsetting you?” Trying his best to not run away, Aesop stole small glances at the taller male. 

“That.” Joseph pointed to him, “Exactly what you’re doing right now.”

Aesop swears he has never been so confused in his whole life, not even when Naib ate a cake 3 times his size without throwing up.

He decided that not speaking was his only option, so he just stared up at the hunter. Not knowing that the way his shaking form looked up at Joseph was very similar to how a baby deer would act.

“...Exactly that...!” Joseph was getting more and more annoyed, can he stop it?? Was it fun to make him so flustered??

He took a step closer to Aesop, who backed away a step. This continued until Aesop was cornered by Joseph, his back touching the wall. 

Tears were starting to well up in his eyes, not only because of his social anxiety, but also because of the frustration of Joseph just randomly accusing him of doing something he doesn’t even know he’s doing.

“...Mr.Joseph! Please don’t come any closer! I really don’t understand what you don’t like but--”

Oh, but the redness in his eyes only made Joseph want to bully him more, before he could think, he leaned in, ripping off Aesop’s mask and swallowing the rest of his sentence with his mouth. 

“...!!!!!”

Aesop took a couple of seconds to register what was happening, his face now bloodshot. 

“W-what...” He couldn’t even get a full sentence out.

Joseph tsk’ed, “You really need to stop being so cute. It makes me want to kiss you again.” 

“I...I...” 

“Mon Dieu, why are you so cute? Are you trying to seduce me? Do you know how hard it is to focus and do my job when you’re right there? And what is up with the adorable way you flinch when you get shocked? Do you want to get fu--”

...According to 3 eye witnesses, it’s said that Joseph was whacked in the gut with a makeup case, allowing Aesop to escape. Joseph spend the entire round trying to find Aesop but to no avail. For the next 3 days, Aesop refused to come out of his room, and refused to be in the same game as Joseph for 2 weeks.

...

Jack, who’s been matched with Aesop for 5 rounds : Heh, looks like someone’s having trouble finding their little embalmer~

Joseph, who has not seen Aesop in 2 weeks : I salute my middle finger to you.

[shijiujun]

and i said, i’ll be good to you

Tang Yi wakes up in the hospital with a stomach ulcer after too many days of skipped meals and heavy binge drinking with prospective clients.

“Don’t tell Shao Fei,” is the first thing he says.

---

He hasn’t seen Shao Fei in 23 days.

When he opens his eyes after struggling for a while, the first person Tang Yi sees is Hong Ye, who’s leaning over him with her eyes all swollen and red, as if she’s been crying for a while. Tang Yi knows immediately that he’s in the hospital. Having spent a lot of his time a few years ago in a hospital ward has burnt the memory of the smell of disinfectant and the sight of white walls into his brain.

“Don’t tell Shao Fei,” is the first thing he says.

Hong Ye pauses for a moment, and when she realizes what he’s said, she actually curses. Tang Yi hasn’t really heard Hong Ye say so many vulgarities in a single sentence in years, and that’s when he knows he’s in trouble.

She must have called for someone, for Tang Yi finds a nurse turning up before him the next time he opens his eyes. It’s a little uncomfortable until he sees another familiar face.

Jin Tang.

“Look at you, what did I say? Did I not tell you to take better care of yourself? I already have to deal with one Meng Shao Fei, and I thought you were the more reliable one, but I should have known. A few years as a CEO didn’t get rid of that stubbornness and refusal to take care of yourself-“

“He just woke up,” Hong Ye squeezes in next to Jin Tang, shoving him away. “Stop nagging at him!”

Tang Yi tunes them out for a second, trying to recall what happened to land him in the hospital. It takes a little for him to recall what happened before this — in the haze of his memories, his last memory is of him finishing a dinner with Lin laoban, walking the man out of the restaurant and watching him go off in his car.

“When’s the last time you ate huh?” asks Jin Tang, peering at him again. “Your stomach ulcer must’ve been hurting like a bitch, and you probably just thought it was gastric or what not, I assume. And drinking on an empty stomach?”

Ah. The last bit clicks in his head — after sending Lin laoban off, Tang Yi recalls a burning in his abdomen and sweating profusely, his whole body going both cold and hot. And then nothing.

“Will I live?” asks Tang Yi wryly, looking to Hong Ye and she automatically helps him up, trying to fluff the pillows up behind his back.

Jin Tang and Hong Ye both glare at him, and he smiles weakly, “Sorry, bad joke.”

His eyes do a once-over of the VIP ward he’s in, and aside from Hong Ye and Jin Tang, no one else is here. The disappointment in his eyes is obvious, even as guilt rams into him for feeling so sour about this.

It’s not like Shao Fei is away deliberately. He’s on some other joint operation down in Taichung with Team Three on their latest case, and if it so happens that he hasn’t seen Shao Fei for more than three weeks, Tang Yi isn’t complaining. He knows how Shao Fei gets when he’s fully focused on a case, but the only difference is that Shao Fei is getting better at ensuring his phone and a portable charger is with him at all times, and he calls everyday without fail.

Still, Tang Yi hasn’t laid eyes on his boyfriend in three weeks, and now that he’s sick and in pain, he’s turning into a whining, pitiful child.

All he wants is to see Shao Fei. He wants Shao Fei to be here, to sit next to him, to share his warmth with him, to tell him that he loves him. It’s ridiculously cold in here and the twisting in his stomach is definitely not a figment of his imagination, even though Tang Yi’s certain that Jin Tang has him on the good drugs. If only Shao Fei was here, he could leech some of the warmth of his boyfriend, hide his face in Shao Fei’s neck and let the man take care of him.

Since when has he become this useless, he wonders.

Just three weeks away and Tang Yi has landed himself in the hospital. He didn’t even realize how little he was eating and all the meals he skipped without Shao Fei around. Before Shao Fei muscled his way into his house, Tang Yi has always enjoyed eating alone, and eating regularly.

Shao Fei is the one who likes to give his body trouble by drinking too much coke and pairing it with spicy food, sometimes forgetting to eat when he’s too engrossed in a case. It is always Tang Yi who turns up at the station while Shao Fei is working overtime with supper.

It’s just… nothing tastes as good, not without Shao Fei around.

“You guys didn’t disturb him, did you?” he asks, taking the cup of water Hong Ye passes him.

“You said he was on an important case, so I didn’t,” Hong Ye reassures him. “Ah Yi, you need to take better care of yourself. Song Jia was freaking out when she called me earlier, you just collapsed out there at the lobby.”

He nods, satisfied with the answer.

Later, as he’s sipping at some hot soup that Dao Yi bought from a restaurant downstairs, Tang Yi’s phone rings and Shao Fei’s photo pops up on the screen. After shooting a warning look at both Hong Ye and Dao Yi, Tang Yi picks up the call.

“Tang Yi,” comes Shao Fei’s cheery voice, and any unease and upset that was gnawing at Tang Yi earlier dissipates immediately, like the sun after a storm.

“Shao Fei,” Tang Yi finds himself smiling. “What’re you doing? How’s the case going?”

“Mnn, it should be wrapping up soon, I’m giving it a couple more days at most,” the voice on the other end of the line sounds again. “Tang, I miss you. I haven’t seen you for so long!”

Tang Yi’s heart drops a little once he hears that it’s going to take another few more days before Shao Fei can be cleared to go home. It’s only two more days, or three at most, but right this moment, the next 72 hours sound like an absolute torture for him to go through without seeing Shao Fei.

Then again, that will give Tang Yi some time to recover from this stint in the hospital. He doesn’t want to worry Shao Fei.

“Be careful,” Tang Yi says in the end. “I miss you too. I’ll see you in a few more days then.”

They speak for a bit longer but Tang Yi doesn’t want to hold Shao Fei back from rest and the conversation ends sooner than he would have liked. Once Tang Yi puts his phone aside, Dao Yi and Hong Ye exchange glances when they see Tang Yi’s mood deflate almost immediately. The person he was on the phone with Shao Fei earlier and the man sitting before them right now are almost two different people.

===

Zhao Zi catches Shao Fei frowning at his phone for a full minute after he hangs up.

“What’re you staring at, Ah Fei?”

Shao Fei doesn’t answer Zhao Zi immediately, replaying his conversation with Tang Yi earlier in his head. Tang Yi didn’t say anything out of the ordinary, so he could be being a little too sensitive, but something tells him that not everything is quite right with Tang Yi.

In fact, Tang Yi sounds a little sick, his voice weaker than usual.

He looks around him. They caught their suspect and his partners a few hours ago, and what’s left is administrative work, some debriefs and clearing out the temporary office given to them for use these few weeks. It honestly would take at least two days to fully finish up here.

Shao Fei hasn’t seen Tang Yi in three weeks, though, and if he was missing Tang Yi before, it feels as if he might go mad if he doesn’t see Tang Yi today, not after hearing his voice like that.

“Zhao Zi,” he calls, glancing at his watch. “Can you and Jun Wei handle the rest of the case? I’m going to head back to Taipei for a bit, I’ll be back by tomorrow evening.”

“Ah… that shouldn’t be a problem,” Zhao Zi nods curiously. “Did something happen?”

“I hope not,” Shao Fei grimaces, picking up his bag from the couch and then he’s out of the office, leaving Zhao Zi staring at him.

He doesn’t ask more. Instead, he takes his own phone out and texts Jack.

===

He thinks he’s dreaming when he feels a warm furnace plaster itself to his side, and the press of lips against his cheek is so familiar.

Tang Yi turns a little towards the source of heat, breathing in deeply. Not moving even when a hand comes up to caress at his face, to brush the hair away from his face and draw him in even closer, Tang Yi finds his lips curving.

Another kiss to his forehead, and that voice murmurs, “Sleep, Tang Yi. I’m here.”

Shao Fei is here, and with Shao Fei around, Tang Yi knows he can finally, finally go to sleep and rest-

He stiffens in Shao Fei’s hold, and all hints of drowsiness disappear as Tang Yi wakes properly, looking up in disbelief.

“Why’re you staring? Have you not seen as handsome a face as mine in the past few weeks?” Shao Fei teases.

“… what’re you doing here?” Tang Yi rasps.

At that, Shao Fei’s expression darkens. “You’re asking me why I’m here? I should be asking you that. You’re sick and you didn’t tell me when I called earlier, and lied to me. Didn’t you know that I would worry?”

Tang Yi swallows, wondering how he should defend himself, but there really isn’t much to say because Shao Fei is right. In the end, he sighs, and hides his face against Shao Fei’s shoulder, just as he wanted to do earlier when he first woke up. His hands clutch at the back of Shao Fei’s jacket, wanting to be as close as he can to the man.

“I’m sorry,” he says finally. “I didn’t want you to worry, so I told Hong Ye not to tell you.”

And you knew anyway.

“Your voice sounded weird earlier,” Shao Fei sighs, his hands stroking up and down Tang Yi’s back. “I called Hong Ye and she told me you fainted earlier.”

Then, in his ear, Shao Fei asks, “Did you miss me that much?”

Tang Yi doesn’t answer verbally, but his hands tighten impossibly around Shao Fei, which is telling enough.

“We’ll settle this later,” Shao Fei murmurs, his voice low as if sensing how tired Tang Yi is.

“… do you have to go?”

Tang Yi still asks even as sleep is trying its best to drag him under, and if Shao Fei says yes, he’ll let him go without hesitation.

“I stood for an hour on the last train back to Taipei because there weren’t any reserved or free seats left,” Shao Fei laughs, and although he’s upset that Tang Yi is in the hospital after not taking care of himself, he hasn’t actually seen Tang Yi like this.

Openly missing him like this, showing Shao Fei all his vulnerabilities. And it is only now, with Tang Yi settled in his arms and sleeping against him does Shao Fei finally feel at ease.

“I’ll still be here when you wake up,” he promises.

[breakingsomething]

to remember

basic summary: marvin's spiraling.

trigger warnings: mentions of abuse and self harm, flashback to a suicide attempt, much talk of medications, violent thoughts, themes of memory loss, extreme distress

it started with little things.

first he'd forget where he left stuff, like his phone or his cup of tea. that was just normal. but then he'd forget having ownership of certain items altogether. chase had once gotten mad at marvin for leaving a full mug next to his laptop, and it had taken five minutes for marvin to remember he'd made the drink in the first place.

as the weeks went by, thing continued to slip his mind. just small things. street names, words he should know, inside jokes from a while ago. he'd stumble before saying the name of an old friend, hesitate before mentioning that so and so had blonde hair because hadn't they dyed it, or had that been year ago? which of chase's kids liked sonic the hedgehog again? oh, chase kids were missing and he shouldn't bring them up? yeah. he'd forgotten that too.

then it was his medication. he'd been prescribed small tablets of paroxetine to take every day, which he'd done at the beginning. then he'd get so caught up with other things that it'd only be every few days that he'd remember the meds and a jolt of realization would hit him that he hadn't taken them in ages. but it was fine. he'd set a reminder on his phone! which worked for a while, until he'd read the notification and swipe it away with the intention to get up right away, but then get distracted, or even if he didn't get rid of it it would just get buried in his notifications bar and he wouldn't think twice. but it was fine! he was just a bit forgetful. silly billy marvin. so what if he sometimes forgot what his girlfriend looked like or when henrik's birthday was? that was normal, silly stuff. he was just fine.

"marvin, how long has it been since you've eaten?"

oh, someone was talking to him! he startled at the sound, whipping round in the kitchen doorway to face whoever it was and breathing a sigh of relief as he recognized him. jackie. his sweet big brother jackie, big brother who helped him keep his head on straight and comforted him through nightmares of events that marvin wasn't sure had really happened. how much of reality was he making up anymore? he wasn't sure.

"i just ate this morning," marvin said certainly, flashing the hero a smile. "what about you? i haven't seen you eat recently at all."

jackie crossed his arms, narrowing his dark eyes underneath his glasses. "me, chase and henrik ate breakfast together this morning. we had toast and wheetabix with bananas cause chase is on another health kick. where were you?"

marvin's confident grin slipped. "i - i had toast too," he said, trying to keep his voice steady so as not to reveal his uncertainties. "this morning. you guys must have - left."

marvin's heart was racing as he racked his brain. he had eaten, hadn't he? oh, oh, he didn't know. jackie's disapproving gaze was burning into him, making him feel smaller and smaller, like a child on the receiving end of a lecture.

"you can't skip meals, marvin," jackie sighed. he tilted his head and slowly reached his hand up to marvin's face, touching his forehead. even with the warning, marvin flinched. "are you feeling alright? apparently a lack of hunger or a feeling of sickness are side effects of the new medication, so -"

"shut up, jackie!" marvin hissed, face flushing. jackie raised an eyebrow at marvin's response, and the magician unconsciously flinched again. fuck, what was wrong with him lately? he knew jackie wasn't going to hurt him.

"there's no need to be embarrassed about medication," jackie said coolly. "i take paxil for my anxiety. it's nothing to be ashamed about."

"i know," marvin mumbled. he rubbed his skin comfortingly beneath his hoodie, wincing at the feeling of the scars all up his arm. self inflicted. couldn't blame anti for that. "it's not - i don't know. i'm new to all this. the whole - the whole…"

"mental illness thing?" jackie said with only a small hint of amusement in his voice. marvin snorted. the situation wasn't funny at all, so they had to make it that way themselves for it to be survivable.

he hummed, not looking jackie in the eye. another thing he was struggling with lately. he had always been good with things like that, something he excelled in that jackie did not. something else that had been taken from him. "i don't know. my head feels a bit weird all the time, but i don't think i'm sick. i should be ok, but, uh, thank you for the concern."

jackie kicked at a broken panel of wood on the floor, still not moving out of marvin's way. "speaking of medication," he said, and marvin's heart sank. "have you been taking them?"

"yes, jackie," marvin lied, swallowing hard, clenching and unclenching his fists. he couldn't stay still, why couldn't he stay still? his legs were shaking. "taken them every day."

"you're lying," jackie said flatly. marvin breathed in sharply at the undertone of disappointment in his voice, and just managed to look up at his face, cringing at how tired jackie looked. he rubbed at the bridge of his nose, pushing up his glasses. "henrik says you would have needed a refill by now if you had been taking them regularly. but you've barely touched the second packet."

marvin shook his head, breaths quickening. "i - yes i have. i finished the whole box." he'd dump them somewhere when he got a chance alone.

jackie sighed, shaking his head. "stop it, marvin. i looked in your room yesterday. the box was on your desk."

marvin gave a strangled cry. "you - you were in my fucking room? when i wasn't there?" god, he sounded like a child. but jackie knew that things were different after anti. marvin needed his space. he glared at his brother angrily, mouth hanging open with words he couldn't get out. "you fucking asshole, i thought you were going to respect my fucking privacy?"

jackie grimaced, scratching the back of his neck. "we're - we're worried for you, and -"

marvin didn't even say another word. he just shoved past his brother and stormed upstairs, slamming the door behind him.

sometimes he didn't remember his brother's names. that was just something that happened sometimes though, right? sometimes he forgot his street name. that was just a funny little mishap though, wasn't it? sometime he woke up and didn't know where he was and cried himself softly through his panic attack, curled up in the middle of his bed, too afraid to move in case someone came to hurt him, until he passed out from the headache that all the tears ended up giving him. that was normal though, wasn't it? just a silly little one time thing. it didn't mean anything. it could happen to anyone.

and then it happened again. and again. and again.

he awoke from nightmares he didn't remember. he thought about names that meant nothing to him, mouthing the words "dapper" and "naomi" and "jack" to himself. he held knives and thought about stabbing himself in the chest with them just to see what would happen. he shut himself in his wardrobe, shaking so hard he couldn't breath, feeling something hot drooling onto his neck.

the others began to properly notice the day marvin got lost.

he was just going to the corner shop. he bought a bottle of milk, a loaf of bread and a small packet of gum. he left the shop and was instantly hit with a dizzying wave of vertigo, like he was standing on top of a building. he didn't know where he was. he didn't know.

it was fine. there were three streets that branched off of this one, he was bound to belong on one of them. eeny, meeny, miney, mo, and he set off down the street to the left, which went down a small hill. that street then branched off into two other streets, and a long flight of stairs. marvin stared at them, head spinning.

he was suddenly so fucking scared.

he set off down the street to the left again. this one was sloping even further down a hill, tall, pretty looking houses with trimmed gardens and shiny cars parked neatly outside. marvin didn't live in a house, did he? he was certain he lived in a flat. there were flats somewhere in the distance, he could see. he set off towards them purposely, milk carton smacking against his thighs painfully.

it was so quiet. marvin felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise, his chest tightening painfully. he wasn't supposed to be here. he wasn't supposed to be here. someone was going to stop him and tell him to turn around and he was lost, he was scared, and -

and the road ahead branched off into three separate roads, all of which were lined by blocks of identical flats.

he wasn't going to cry. he wasn't. he set off straight ahead, down a hill, frantically looking at the buildings around him. it was early spring, and some families were out in the gardens, playing in sprinklers and having barbecues. marvin was too hot in his long hoodie, sleeves covering the ugly scars on his arms. he couldn't breathe. he couldn't remember. nothing was familiar and the world was upside down and he was fucking terrified, was this a prank? was this a prank for his brother's youtube channel - which brother had a youtube channel, why couldn't he remember, he was scared, oh, he was scared!

eventually he collapsed in an empty bus stop, just across from a construction site surrounded by a red fence. he remembered that. there was a field behind it, and there was an abandoned waterworks, and a farm with lots of cows. he rapped his knuckles on his thighs, trying to ground himself. what else could he remember? he knew his own name. marvin mcloughlin, that was him. he tipped his head back and let out a shaky sob, stomach churning. nothing was right. he was too hot and the milk had gone warm and his palm was sweaty from holding the bread.

he sat there for an hour, numbly watching the sun go down. his head hurt from crying. he was too hot and tired and scared and he felt like a fucking child. marvin sat up, scrubbing at his eyes with his sleeve, scratching his sensitive skin. his mind felt like soup.

my name is marvin mcloughlin. i'm twenty nine years old. i have been on this planet for three years. i'm bisexual. i have three brothers. i have a girlfriend named naomi gudmundson. i used to be part of an organization called hecate's international network of magic.

-

it was night before his mind returned to him.

he fucking sobbed when it did, immediately scrambling to his feet and racing in the direction his mind was telling him to go before he forgot it. the milk and bread bashed his sides as he ran, and he definitely looked like a goddamn idiot, crying and darting through the streets with his shopping in hand. by the time he got to a street he recognized, a street he remembered, he was full blown sobbing, so hard it was difficult to catch a breath. and oh, when he saw chase sitting at the window on his ds, marvin could have cried out in relief. his little brother must have sensed him coming and turned to look at him, grinning, but his face fell as soon as he saw what state marvin was in. he leapt down from the window and disappeared, and marvin fell against the front door, not caring anymore if anyone saw him. he was scared, he was just so scared, he was just so, so scared.

as soon as the lock clicked and the door swung open, marvin threw himself into chase's arms, dropping the warm milk and crushed bread to the floor. "chase, chase, chase, chase!" he gasped, heart racing as his legs gave out, feeling like jelly. "oh my god, chase, chase..."

"what happened?" chase cried, clearly alarmed. he ran his hands across marvin's back soothingly, knowing not to touch his hair in case he set him off further. "did someone hurt you? do you need henrik? marvin, talk to me."

he couldn't talk. he was so overwhelmed, so fucking terrified out of his mind that he couldn't manage words, he just couldn't. all he could do was dry heave, coughing into his arm but still trying to cling to his brother because if he didn't he would disappear and marvin would be alone again and he couldn't be alone again he couldn't anti would get him anti would hurt him and dapper again and he'd punish him because kitten had disobeyed the rules and cut off his hair and anti would make him go into the spare room by himself again without anyone to touch him or talk to him fuck fuck fuck he was so scared!!!

he slept in jackie's bed that night. he couldn't speak, too overwhelmed, too afraid he'd be punished. he curled into a ball and hugged himself, confused and delirious, too shocked to speak. anti in his head. anti in his bed. dapper, anti, kitten, which name was his again? none of them sounded right.

everything came crashing down on him the next morning when he woke.

oh, oh, oh, had that all really happened? had he really gotten lost going to the corner shop, had he really had an hour long panic attack in broad daylight while clutching a bottle of milk and a bag of bread? a slapping wave of humiliation washed over him, and he shuddered, sitting right up in bed. was that real, had he made it up? he groaned softly, clutching his head. let it have been a nightmare, please, please.

he knew it hadn't been when jackie woke up and immediately started badgering him.

"who hurt you?" were his first words. "who upset you? what happened, why were you gone so long, tell me!"

"no one hurt me," marvin croaked. he hadn't spoken in hours, and his voice was hoarse. he curled tightly into himself, gently gracing his fingers across the skin of his neck to soothe himself. "just my own head. just my own head, jackie, jackie, jackie."

the conversation went by in a blur. marvin couldn't remember it.

my name is marvin mcloughlin. i'm twenty nine years old. i have been on this planet for three years. i'm bisexual. i have four brothers. i have a girlfriend named naomi. i used to be part of an organization called hecate's network of magic.

-

he didn't care what his brothers thought anyway. he was fine. it was just a silly memory lapse. ptsd? henrik, you're being ridiculous. jackie, don't agree with him! is anyone here on my side? chase? well, fuck you guys, i don't need you! no more doctors, no more doctors, i don't need you!

naomi was there for him. naomi, his best friend, his girlfriend, girlfriend, there was a change! he'd never loved that word more than now. he'd never loved her more than now. she was wonderful. she didn't treat him like he was fragile. he loved her.

"so how've you been?" she asked one morning when he was round at her shop, nai's blomma magi, yet again. he was there often, especially as of late. he didn't want to be around his brothers. all they did was talk in hushed voices and look away when he entered a room and speak to him gently like he was a bratty child. naomi didn't. naomi looked at him like he was her best friends and she loved him. he was so grateful for her. he thought she was the string holding him to the earth to stop him flying away.

"i've been good," he said cheerfully, swinging his legs on the counter where he was perched. naomi leapt up next to him, blowing upwards to push her caramel hair from her face. marvin wasn't used to it being so short. he thought it looked pretty. he stretched out a hand to run through it as he spoke, because they were dating and he could do that now, though he kept his eyes trained on naomi's despite how hard it was for him just in case she showed any signs of not liking what he was doing. "been busy. lots to do these days you know." he shot her some finger guns. "vibing."

she chuckled, rolling her eyes and shifting closer to him, knocking their legs together. "oh, the usual then," she joked, returning the finger guns. ""it be like that sometimes" and all that? are those the vibes, pye?"

he snorted, elbowing her side. "i am begging you to stop trying to use teen lingo. or - is lingo a word people use anymore? god, i don't fucking know. my point is please, please stop this madness."

she took his face in hand and titled it towards her, booping her nose against his. "ah, but you love me and my attempts at speaking like i am generation z," she laughed. "don't deny."

he knocked his forehead to hers, realizing how unprofessional they would look to anyone who might come inside. but honestly, he didn't care. he had no dignity left to lose. "i do love you," he murmured, before gently pressing his lips to hers, fingers brushing her warm cheeks. he couldn't stop himself from grinning ridiculously, giggling slightly as he pulled away. "ah, naomi, i'm bad at this."

"i'm no better," she admitted. her dark eyes flickered from marvin's lips to his eyes, making him automatically glance down at their entwined hands despite wanting to continue looking at her face. "i haven't had a relationship in years. what do we do? i mean, i won't lie, i enjoy what we're doing now. just this."

he kissed her again, just wanting to be close to her, not wanting to think. "naomi, naomi," he said softly against her lips, like a chant, like he was an actor memorizing his lines. "love you, naomi, naomi."

"that's my name," she whispered, her breath warm on his face. her fingers traced the scar on marvin's lip, the one anti had given him that day he tried to run away and he had made dapper slash his face with his knife as punishment. "you have a pretty name too, marvin. i should say it more often. marvin, marvin, marvin."

he felt light as a feather all of a sudden, like the air had been let out of him with just one stab of a knife to the face. marvin, marvin. forbidden. he didn't know that name.

he pulled away. stared into those chocolate eyes, his vision blurring as his exhaustion began to catch up to him. marvin, marvin, marvin, he didn't know a marvin.

"i don't understand," he mumbled.

the woman frowned, eyebrows furrowing. "what's wrong? pye, are you ok? you've gone very pale."

his fingers had gone very numb. he clumsily pushed himself off the counter, head swimming dizzily, his body moving sluggishly like he was wading through honey. "i'm not meant to be here," he slurred, tongue too big in his dry mouth. "i can't - i don't understand."

anti, anti, there was a name he knew. where did he go, kitten didn't know where he was or what he was doing - pye? pye wasn't his name. he didn't know what was. anti would know.

"marvin," his girlfriend was saying, naomi something, naomi gudmundson, his best friend. "marvin, hey, calm down, it's - uh, it's ok, i'm here. i - do you have your phone? i'm going to call jackie."

her voice was so lovely. marvin remembered days spent hypnotized out his mind, so desperately trying to remember the girl who called him names he wasn't allowed to know in his dreams, the two of them performing magic together. kitten wasn't allowed to perform magic anymore. his hands burned, and he clutched them tightly to his chest, tears forming in his eyes.

his phone had fallen out his pocket. "password, marvin," she asked, but he didn't know. he was suddenly so deep in his own head that he didn't know where or who he was. he was dimly aware of someone taking his hand and pressing one of his fingers to a sensor, of words being spoken, of a man with anti's face arriving and walking him home, of babbling tearfully about monsters and names and memories and girls in his dreams and twins who spoke with hands and charcoal and chocolate eyes and knives slitting his face and ropes and chains and predictive dreams and a man who held him tightly, crying, whispering "marvin, it's ok, it's ok, it's ok."

my name is marvin. i'm twenty something years old. i have been on this planet for three years. i'm bisexual. i have five brothers. i have a girlfriend. i used to be part of an organization called hecate.

-

they took him to a doctor.

jackie went with him. he was the only one marvin trusted, the one who's reddish hair and dark blue eyes and splattering of freckles across scarred cheeks was most comforting, warm, safe. the doctor's name was - something. she was kind, dark hair and glittering black eyes. she asked him questions. "have you been in any accidents recently?" she started in a tinny american accent. like chase. chase had an american accent.

jackie answered for him. "he's recently had a bad concussion, fell down the stairs and hit his head. that's the main thing we can think of."

that wasn't true. and yes, jackie and henrik had argued about lying. "they could incorrectly diagnose him, and then he could be put on the wrong medications, he's already on antidepressants and we can't risk something making his condition any worse!" henrik had cried. "this won't work!"

"then what do we say - "our brother deeply hypnotized him and locked away a ton of his memories, gaslighting him so badly he didn't remember his own name for like three days?" no!" jackie had hurled back. "a concussion is something more easy to explain. i can fake hospital records, aaron can help me if i need it, and -"

"we can't fake this!" henrik despaired. "this is a genuine problem, this is his life, we can't just fake hospital records and hope they magically come up with the correct diagnosis based on the lies you tell them -"

"this isn't your thing, hen, this is marvin and i am doing what's best for him -"

marvin had been sitting at the top of the stairs listening to them fight. he rubbed his burning hands together, wincing at the pain of the contact. how long had it been since he'd been able to use his magic? months. but he couldn't use it. he'd get in trouble. it wouldn't be ok, though. anti would let him use his magic before he exploded.

chase came to sit next to him. "i'm sorry," he said softly. "this is - shitty, i know."

everyone was always sorry. marvin shoved his hands between his knees and didn't respond until chase got the point and walked away again.

eventually, they had just gone with the concussion story.

the doctor turned back to him, smiling reassuringly. marvin fucking hated her. "does anyone in your family have a history of alcohol or drug misuse?" she asked.

chase, marvin dimly thought. then she realized he didn't mean that. "don't have parents," he said hollowly. "all i have is -"

"- is us," jackie interrupted, shooting marvin a look. "our parents are dead. there was no history of any of that, no. not that i'm aware of."

she glanced at her computer, ponytail swinging as she turned in her chair. "i see you're currently taking paroxetine, two 10mg tablets per day?" she asked, and marvin nodded. "have you had a history of mental health issues before this?"

"recently got diagnosed with depression," marvin mumbled, looking at his purple boots.

"have you ever self harmed or made a suicide attempt?"

"what does this have to do with memory loss?" jackie suddenly snapped, squeezing his brother's hand. marvin smiled, but shook his head at him, clearing his throat.

"it's ok, jackie," he said softly, and turned to the doctor again. "uh...yes to both."

"ok, ok." she was silent for a moment as she typed. "i don't see a log here for… any time recently. when did you make said attempt?"

a knife that anti hadn't taken back. he was out, gone away doing whatever he did, and marvin was in the bathroom, blade pressed to his wrist. it could all be over. dapper, brother, don't rewind, i want this to be permanent.

marvin turned to jackie, panicked. the older man immediately spoke up, leg bouncing rapidly. "i - last year, around july. he - there should be records, uh, i can see…"

jackie's boyfriend was going to be busy with these fake records, marvin thought, amused. records for a concussion, records for a suicide attempt - marvin hadn't yet met aaron, the man who had swept jackie off his feet while he was away, but he got the feeling the poor bastard was going to think he was a total nutjob.

no, that wasn't a nice word. naomi wouldn't like him using that word. a pang of guilt went through him; he'd left naomi for a full year with no explanation, kissed her a few times, freaked the fuck out and dipped. maybe she'd think he was insane too. no, no, bad word. he shouldn't be thinking such things about himself. naomi would never think that.

the doctor asked him a few memory related questions: what he'd had for breakfast, what his parents names were ("jack and… donna," he'd said), his address, ect ect. then he did something called a "mental state examination" that honestly felt like a test at school. he did a quick physical exam. then they'd asked to draw his blood.

that had been an immediate no from marvin.

"you - you can't do that," he stammered, pulling his hands inside his sleeves and wrapping them around himself. just the thought of someone coming near him with a sharp object sent him into an immediate sweat, his fight or flight instincts kicking in. "i - i don't like - i can't do that."

the doctor sighed. "we have to test for certain things, such as vitamin b-12 deficiency and thyroid disease," she said, like she was reciting from memory. "although given all i've heard, i think we may be able to diagnose you, but we have to make sure. we'll likely still have to do an mri to make sure."

"i can't do the blood, i can't do the blood," marvin chanted. he was shaking so ridiculously hard. when did he get this pathetic, this weak? "i - i'm sorry, i'm sorry, can't have sharp objects, jackie, jackie, jackie -"

jackie took his both his hands, glancing at the doctor helplessly. "he - he gets scared around sharp objects," he said apologetically. "marvin, hey, it's ok. no blood today, no blood."

"we'll have to reschedule if we can't do this today," she sighed again. marvin was getting sick of her doing that. "can we do tomorrow at… right before ten? maybe five two? that's when the trucks come to take away samples, and results would be quicker if we could get it done sooner."

jackie hesitated. "marvin?"

marvin couldn't breath. couldn't breath. "no, no, no, i didn't do anything wrong," he sobbed, flapping his hands in a circle with his eyes screwed up tight. "don't hurt me, i didn't mean it, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry, leave me alone -"

he thought he blacked out. memories were fuzzy. days passed, maybe. maybe he got his blood drawn somehow. he didn't fucking know. time meant nothing anymore.

my name isn't mine. i'm too old. i have been on this planet for so long. i'm real, maybe. i have a lot of brothers. i have people who i think love me. i used to be somebody.

-

they diagnosed him with ptsd and memory loss. then he got started on donepezil as well as his paroxetine. two medications for two of the many things that were wrong with him.

he visited naomi and told her the truth.

"i lied to you," he said. he stood in front of the counter like a customer, eyes dry and voice flat. "i wasn't staying with a friend last year. i told you that because the truth is fucking awful and i didn't want to burden you with that."

naomi looked unsurprised, but concerned. she frowned, raising her hand like she was going to touch him, but held back. "marvin," she said softly, and the name grounded him. "you can tell me anything."

she shut shop for the day and he told her.

they were both crying by the end of it. it was a lot, to be fair; marvin had years of trauma to unload, though most of it had happened within the last year and a bit. he almost expected her to kick him out - he was damaged goods, too fucked in the head to even function without constantly being doped up on meds. but she never did. instead, she pulled him in for a proper hug, kissing the side of his head and gently rubbing his back. "marvin mcloughlin," she said, naomi said. "i can't even put into words how fucking sorry i am that all that happened to you, i - my fucking shit, that's so horrible."

marvin had been so unbelievably touch starved for so long that for a moment all he could do was linger in her arms, stunned, eyes so full of unfallen tears that he couldn't see. "please don't let go," he choked out, and he was still scared, but he knew her, had known her for a long time, and trusted her with his life. he somehow always had. maybe he'd fallen in love with her the moment they'd met. "you don't hate me. you don't hate me?"

he heard her snort, shocked. "you think i would - hate you for what?" she almost laughed, her short hair brushing marvin's forehead and getting caught in his barrettes. "marvin, you are more than just my boyfriend. you're my goddamn best friend and i love you more than i ever have loved anyone, and that is - väldigt läskigt, i am forgetting english. but i would never, ever hate you. well, do you - do you want the truth?"

he nodded into his shoulder, the movement making the tears overflow and spill down naomi's back. he quickly scrubbed at his face, embarrassed, but naomi hardly seemed to notice. she buried her face into marvin's neck, her voice slightly muffled as she spoke her next words.

"i was so lost when you left," she murmured. "i had made you my anchor. i blamed myself for you leaving; blamed my bpd, blamed all the depressive states you'd seen me go through, blamed all the mania you'd had to talk me out of. but you know what? i got a therapist and i learned i couldn't blame myself for the actions of others and i continued to love you every second you were gone. i knew you'd be back. i did. i never doubted you and i loved you, so so much, and with the help of my therapist i think i figured it all out."

she sat up, knocking her nose against marvin's. "you are a person and not an anchor. not a - a puppet or a magician for your brother to use. you are a person and so am i and this makes no sense, i don't even know if i'm speaking english but i do know i have always loved you and always will and i'm so glad you're alive."

and it was those words that finally broke marvin. he let out a noise that was almost a wail of despair, shoulders shaking as his chest heaved against naomi's body. she was crying too, he could hear her. so for a long while they just held each other through the pain, and eventually marvin wasn't sad or mourning, he was just hugging his best friend. just comfortable, just warm, just happy. just in love. just alive.

he would be ok.

and as he kissed her once more, this time certain of who he was, where he was, what he was, this time certain he knew he was ok; as he did that, he remembered himself one more time.

my name is marvin mcloughlin. i'm not dead and i'm not going to let myself hurt anymore and anti can suck it if he thinks i'm going to fall to his whims anymore. my name is marvin mcloughlin and i love my family and my friends and myself. my name is marvin mcloughlin and that glitch bitch better hide as well as he can, because a storm is coming and i'm going to be in the eye of it.

[danrdarrenc]

5 Christmases + 1 Christmas Eve

2019

Will blinked awake to the early morning sun streaming through their window. Sonny’s arm was draped over his waist, his body a warm weight against Will’s back. Will turned carefully so as not to wake Sonny and smiled softly at his sleeping husband.

“Morning,” Sonny mumbled, half-asleep.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Will whispered.

Sonny smiled slowly and opened his eyes to look at Will. “I’m certain a little monster is going to wake us any second.”

Will huffed out a laugh and brushed his lips against Sonny’s before snuggling closer so they were nose-to-nose.

Sure enough, a minute later, the door opened and the bed bounced with the weight of a seven year-old.

“Daddies, wake up! It’s Christmas!” 

Will and Sonny laughed together and let Ari drag them out of bed and downstairs to see what Santa brought her.

* * * * * * 

2021

Sonny woke to the first rays of sunlight peeking through the slats in their bedroom shades. Will was sleeping peacefully next to him, their faces a breath away. Their legs were twined under the sheets and the hands in between them were brushing. Sonny lifted his other hand to trace lightly over Will’s face. 

This past year had been nothing short of a roller-coaster of emotions: the divorce; finding out Maggie had been the one responsible for Adrienne’s death and that Victor had framed Will for it; Will being released from prison; Will insisting that Sonny be happy with Evan (”What happened will never go away, Sonny! It doesn’t matter that I didn’t do it!”); Sonny insisting that Will not being responsible did make a difference (”Of course it matters, Will!  All the reasons you gave me for not being together don’t exist anymore!”); them getting back together on their anniversary (”Husbands for life, remember?” Sonny asked before kissing Will senseless); their third - and final! (or so Sonny hoped) - wedding in August on the anniversary of Will getting his memories back. 

And now they were here, in their own apartment, settled again, and happy.

“I can hear you thinking,” Will said, popping open an eye to look at Sonny.

“Sorry,” Sonny said with a cheeky grin. “I didn’t mean to wake you. You looked so peaceful.”

“What were you thinking about?” 

“Everything that happened this year.”

Will blinked fully awake and his hand found Sonny’s under the sheets. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They kissed lazily for a long time.

“It’s so quiet,” Will whispered.

“That’s what happens when there’s no almost nine-year old monster in the house on Christmas.”

Will grinned.  They had dropped Ari (and all the presents for her) off with Gabi and Stefan after the Horton tree trimming the night before. She had spent Christmas with them for the past few years (just Sonny, last year); she had asked to be with her mom this year and they readily obliged. 

“What do you want to do today?” Sonny asked. 

“Can we stay in? Or do we have go to your family?”

“Staying in sounds like the best Christmas ever,” Sonny answered, kissing Will again.

After sleeping another couple of hours, Sonny made them pancakes and they exchanged their gifts for each other (a new watch [Will’s was lost in the accident] and journal for Will, and new gloves [Sonny’s were hopelessly worn out] and new pages for their photo album for Sonny). 

Together they opened their families’ presents: from Eric and Nicole they received a framed photo of a quiet moment between them from their wedding that they hadn’t known he’d captured; Sami, Lucas, and EJ had jointly sent them Italian chocolates and two expensive bottles of wine; Justin had bought them season tickets to the Cubs home games; John and Marlena had bought them the stereo system they were missing; Kate gifted them a weekend at the Green Mountain Lodge; and Arianna had drawn them a picture of the three of them and a puppy (her way of telling them she wanted a dog) and bought each of them matching pens with her allowance money.

When they finished with all their presents, they settled on the couch under a fuzzy, warm blanket, with cups of hot chocolate in their hands, and spent the rest of the day watching silly Christmas movies and snacking on the Italian chocolate and popcorn.

* * * * * * *

2023

Will, Sonny, and Ari strolled through the Christmas market in Switzerland, Ari carefully cradling a cup of hot chocolate as she perused the stalls.  They’d already purchased three bags full of jewelry, tchotchkies, and various gifts for Gabi, her grandparents, and great-grandparents.

This Christmas they had decided to take Ari to visit Sami, Lucas, EJ, the twins, and Sydney, and follow through on visiting the European markets they had talked about so long ago. They were also going to stop by Carrie and Austin (who had reunited) and Noah while they were in Switzerland.  It was to be their last trip out of Salem for a while, with the babies due to be born in February.

“Daddy! Can I go on the carousel?!” Ari asked, looking up at Will. At almost eleven, she was in ways both very much a teenager and still a kid.

“Sure, Little Lady,” Will said. He still used the old endearment whenever possible, certain she wouldn’t tolerate it much longer.

She grinned, handed Sonny her empty cup, and ran to the carousel.

Sonny laughed, linked his fingers with Will’s, and together they followed Ari to the carousel to pay for her ride. 

* * * * * * * 

2024

Their first Christmas with the twins was chaotic.  It started when Ari grumbled to get out of bed early, even though she was excited to open presents (although she would never let on that she was, she was too old now).  Then it took them an extra hour to get out of the house with two ten-month olds and a pre-teen than it normally would have and they had four different places to hit before they could collapse back home.

Their first stop was the Kiriakis mansion to visit Justin, Maggie, Victor, and Sonny’s brothers who had surprised them all for coming to Salem for Christmas this year. They had planned on only staying an hour but Maggie had insisted they stay for tea.

So an hour behind schedule, they headed to the Brady Pub to visit Roman, Kayla and Steve, Stephanie, who had also come to Salem for the holidays, Hope, and Shawn, Belle, and Claire, who had been released from Bayview the previous year.  At the Pub, they ate lunch, and the twins fell asleep in their carriage.

With the twins still asleep, and bellies full, they made a pit stop at Kate’s apartment, where they made up some time, managing to stay only a half an hour with the excuse that they had dinner plans and still needed to see John and Marlena. It wasn’t a complete lie as their dinner plans were with John and Marlena, but Kate didn’t need to know that.

The babies woke up crying somewhere between Kate’s apartment and John and Marlena’s townhouse, so they lost time again as they had to stop to soothe them.  Eventually, with one baby in Ari’s arms and one in Sonny’s, and Will pushing the now empty carriage, they rang the doorbell to the townhouse.

Brady greeted them with his four-year old daughter on his hip. 

As they were pulling off their coats and scarves, Paul appeared from the kitchen with his new husband, followed by Claire, Belle, and Shawn, who had beaten them to the townhouse from the Pub.  John and Marlena appeared shortly after, hugging Will and Sonny and Ari and cooing at the babies.

An hour later, they sat down to dinner, Ari chattering away about the presents she received and loudly and pointedly about the ones she hadn’t. 

* * * * * * * *

2030

The Christmas before Ari’s nineteenth birthday she didn’t spend in Salem. Johnny, Allie, and Sydney had decided to spend the two weeks covering Christmas and New Year’s in Aruba and Ari had cajoled Will, Sonny, and Gabi into letting her go with them. Allie had promised Will that they wouldn’t let Ari drink (”Will, Dad is an alcoholic and I’ve had more than my share of days clinging to a toilet bowl.”), but he knew in his bones that Ari would have a drink at some point during the trip. 

“I have to give Ari credit though,” Sonny said after getting off the phone with her on Christmas morning.  “In all the times we’ve spoken to her, she’s never sounded even tipsy.”

“Should that worry us?” Will asked on a laugh. 

“No. I don’t think so. Ari’s a good girl. She’s not a partier,” Sonny said seriously. “I think I’m more concerned about her switching a paternity test or something.”

Will howled with laughter and the twins appeared from their bedroom to see what the commotion was.

* * * * * * * *

+ 1

2040

After Julie passed away earlier in the year, Doug already passed two years before, Jennifer had offered the Horton house to Will and Sonny. With Chad, Abby, Thomas, and Charlotte permanently living in Paris, and JJ in London, Jack and Jennifer had decided to relocate to Paris to be closer to their family.  Because the apartment was feeling crowded with two teenage boys, and because Arianna was now married with a baby on the way, Will and Sonny thanked Jennifer profusely and accepted the deed to the Horton house.

And so it was their first year hosting the annual Horton tree trimming. 

“Adam! Make sure the boxes of ornaments are down from the attic!” Will called from the kitchen where he was checking on Sonny’s cookies. 

Adam huffed and begrudgingly put down his book to trudge up the stairs to the attic.

“Chris, can you help me with the tree?” Sonny asked, struggling. Chris jumped off the couch to help position the tree in front of the window.

“How does it look?” Sonny asked Will who appeared from the kitchen. 

“Looks great,” Will said with a smile.

Chris and Sonny high-fived as Adam came back downstairs, the two boxes of ornaments in his arms.

“Thank you,” Will said, as the doorbell rang. 

“I’ll get it!” Chris announced. A minute later he came back into the room with Ari and her husband, Jake.

“Dads!”

“Ari!” “Sweetpea!” Will and Sonny exclaimed at the same time. 

“Merry Christmas, Dads,” Ari said, enveloping them both in a hug. “Merry Christmas, squirt,” she said to Adam, ruffling his hair as she passed behind the couch where he was sitting, reading again.

“Ugh!”

Ari giggled as he fixed his hair. 

“Who else is coming?” Ari asked Sonny as the doorbell announced another group of Hortons.

“Where are my favorite grandchildren?” Lucas called from the foyer. He, Sami, EJ, Johnny, Allie, and Sydney had all come in for Christmas. They were seeing Sami, EJ, Johnny, Sydney and their respective wives (Sydney had come out to the family as bisexual three years ago) at the Brady Pub tomorrow for Christmas. 

“Hi, Grandpa,” Ari said softly, who was the first to reach Lucas. “Merry Christmas, Aunt Allie.” 

“Merry Christmas,” Adam mumbled into Lucas’ hug. Allie laughed under her breath as she received the quickest hug in existence from Adam.

“Merry Christmas, Grandpa, Aunt Allie,” Chris said cheerily.

Jennifer, Jack, Abby, Chad, and the kids were the next to arrive, followed closely by Hope and Ciara.  Eli and Lani came next, toting their baby daughter, Violet, who was named for Eli’s mother who had passed away last year. Maggie and Sarah were the last to arrive just as Will was passing around Sonny’s cookies fresh out of the oven, and eggnog. 

“Before we hang the ornaments, I just want to thank everyone for coming,” Will said. “I know this year has been rough for some of us, but it’s also brought us some joy, I hope. I, um, I know living here, and hosting this party has a long tradition and is a lot to live up to. But I hope that we can do justice to Gran and to Doug and Julie, and Aunt Jennifer, of course.  So Merry Christmas and let’s decorate this tree!”

They all cheered and clinked glasses, and Will started the tree trimming by hanging Tom and Alice’s ornaments right at the top of the tree under the star.

[twelverose]

you’ve gone too long without a smile (1/2)

Prompt: Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler

Rating: Teen (For some pretty heavy depressive themes)

Words: 2k

Song: Daylily by Movements

Read on A03

Rose seemed to fall into a depression not long after they left Krop Tor. She seemed fine when they were up to their usual antics: saving people and solving problems. But when they were back in the vortex, something heavy seemed to fall over her.

i sit and watch

Outside for the first time in a longtime. Lose yourself sink into the sunlight. It's been a while since you felt right. But the warm nights are coming soon And you’ll be just fine

Outside for the first time in a longtime. You said you can't remember what it's like to feel more than cold on the inside. But the sunrise will come again Oh, you'll be just fine.

_________________________________________________________

Rose seemed to fall into a depression not long after they left Krop Tor. She seemed fine when they were up to their usual antics: saving people and solving problems. But when they were back in the vortex, something heavy seemed to fall over her. She didn’t sit on the jump seat and call Jackie or ramble on about something she said while they were on the phone. She didn’t discuss her latest favorite reality show. She didn’t ask impossible questions that only he would know the answer to and call him full of it when he did as the Doctor tinkered. She just sat and watched or read, if she sat there at all.

When she did read, he noticed that she wasn’t reading Charles Dickens or Jane Austin or some other classic lit. She was picking up poets like Plath and Bukowski, reading heavy philosophized fiction like Camus and Sartre. It didn’t worry him in the beginning. Given that it was only natural for her to drift through periods and eras of written works.

If Rose wasn’t with him in the console room, he’d find her in the garden or in the library. She’d be sketching most of the time. Sometimes painting. Hobbies she picked up just before meeting Jack. She wasn’t really focused on a style of art. She did focus on realism in the beginning though, at his advice. She was quite good at it too. Drawings of his new and old face, Jack, Mickey, and Jackie were scattered across her old room. Floral, impressionist-style paintings leaned against walls. It was clear that since they shared his room, hers morphed into an art studio.

She drew florals and landscapes when she was in the garden. But in the library, he’d find her creating almost surreal imagery.

“What’s that?” He pointed over her shoulder to something that appeared to be wings.

She just sighed, “Wings. Not really sure where I’m goin’ with it though.”

She only worked on the painting when she couldn’t or refused to sleep.

When she slept, it was rarely peacefully like before. Nightmares plagued her like they once plagued him. It worried the Doctor to the point that he no longer left to tinker when she was in deep sleep. He stayed throughout the night, passing time by reading or just watching her. Occasionally sleeping himself. But her REM sleep meant there were whimpers of his name slipping from her lips and hands searching for him. If it was too terrible, she’d cry.

It was when she woke up sobbing his hearts would ache. He’d hold her close. He’d mumble thoughtless comforts into her hair, run his fingers up and down her spine, and let her hold him tight enough to leave bruises. Like she was trying to make them into one.

What made it worse was she refused to talk about the nightmares. Claiming she couldn’t remember what had happened. And her sudden darken moods were passed off as exhaustion.

Her tongue-touched smile was rare now. Only pulling through when they saved the day. Less frequent but still there gave him hope. She was still coping. Still seeing the good in everything. Still so human. But there came a day that was saved and something like paranoia began. What if she never smiled again?

It was after leaving Jackie behind in the parallel universe and nearly falling into a void of creatures built of hate that she truly fell deep into something that she couldn’t hide. Something she couldn’t deny either. Not that she tried.

Her goodbye to her mother took the fuel of a supernova. And the strength of a goddess to admit that they’d never see each other again. The last thing she’d ever hear Jackie say was a sob broken “I love you.” The moment was a blur to him.

One moment she was standing and the next she was collapsed on the floor.

“Figure something out. Please!” She begged between heavy sobs.

He quickly moved to her. Gathering her in his arms and rocking her back and forth.

She repeated ���Please” over and over. Crying herself to near-dehydration. Holding onto the lapels of his suit as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded.

The Doctor didn’t say anything. Wasn’t sure if she really wanted to hear anything. Just took her to the infirmary when she went silent.

She was limp as he took off her jumper to check for broken ribs. There were two. She didn’t seem to notice or care. The bruising nearly covered her entire left side. She didn’t make a single noise as he ran several regenerators over broken bone, busted veins, and bruised muscle. It hurt him. His brave, selfless Rose. So lost in her own mind. So hurt.

He clinched his jaw as those thoughts ran through his head. She was the last being to deserve this. She deserved her every last wish. And the few she had right now were impossible for him to give her.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Gently running his hands up and down her sides.

It was the beginning of a sudden new life. And the end of her old one. Even if she wasn’t ready to accept it yet.

So rather than taking her to their bedroom, he lead her to the media room and put on one of her guilty pleasures, Night of the Creeps. The campy 80s sci-fi didn’t seem to induce the usual fit of giggles and commentary though, not that he expected it. He at least hoped for some kind of reaction. Even if it was her telling him to fuck off. To stop being so overbearing. Instead, she sat with her head on his chest, eyes unfocused on the screen in front of them. As if she were in a trance.

And the trance didn’t just last for a night. Neither did the silence.

It scared him. Terrified him to his core.

Because this was the girl who had brought hope and joy and love back into his life. The one who showed him what something new felt like. Who put together war torn hearts. Who looked gods and devils in their eyes and said “No more.” Who proved that empathy could be the most essential thing. Who was so beautifully human yet somehow such a goddess at the same time.

Now, she was practically mute. She barely ate. Something horrid had truly come over her. Something dark. He understood it. The cloudiness in her eyes was something that had grown familiar to him. Something that didn’t belong in hers. She looked so much older than before. Even though it was technically impossible.

And he wasn’t certain that he could heal her the way she did him. A single heart was so much more reckless with emotion than two. So much more vivid with it.

He wasn’t okay with it. Didn’t want to accept it. But he knew this was a trial that she had to take. And it was lead by her. No genius plan of his could sort it out. She was clever. But Rassilon, was she emotional. He could only be support if she allowed him to be.

He told her this several times. Reminded her of the things he thought she needed to hear. Whispered “I love you”s when she woke from terrors or simply was too afraid to fall asleep. He tried to give her the support he wish he had before meeting her.

They stayed in the vortex for about a week. He gave her space but made sure the TARDIS told him if she was in need of anything. The ship herself seemed to take on a small form of Rose’s mindset. The humming was a deeper tone, the lights a bit dimmer. It was fair, they were quite literally coursing through one another. So he trusted the TARDIS to take care of her as much as he could.

He went back to the Powell Estates and gathered everything in the flat. It was known that she planned on living on the TARDIS for the rest of time. But this was too sudden. She couldn’t bare to even glance outside the TARDIS doors. She stayed in their room as the Doctor lugged each box into a new room his ship had made. To keep everything safe until Rose was ready to confront it all.

It was another few days in the vortex until she actually said something.

They were in the galley. The Doctor was making a light lunch for the both of them. A talk show coming from the radio that replaced their usual bicker and conversation. It would’ve been an unbearable silence without the TARDIS’ hum. Both of them lost in their own minds.

To the point that Rose’s voice made him jump slightly. It was an unfamiliar, hoarse, soft whisper.

“Doctor?”

He turned to see tears forming and immediately kneeled in front of her, “Rose?”

“I’m not supposed to be here, am I?”

His eyebrows furrowed, “Why would you say that?”

“Whatever that thing on Krop Tor said. Nearly losing you. Losing my mum. Nearly falling into that void myself,” Something like anger washed over her face, “It’s almost like something is out to get me.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true though.”

The Doctor cupped her cheeks and whipped away the trails of tears with his thumbs, “Terrible things happen to the best people, Rose.”

Silence. This time, stagnate. They just stared into each other’s eyes. He was begging her to say something more. Just one more word.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Let yourself go through it. Don’t force solutions,” He gave her a small smile, “Let help come and show you what’s bright again.”

She didn’t smile. But something in her face softened for just a second. A hint of relief, maybe. It didn’t last long, but it was something that made him sure he was doing something right.

“Do you think she’s happy?” It came out as more of a sob than a question.

He pulled her out of the chair and into the floor. Holding her tightly to his chest, rocking her. Something that was occurring often. He took it as a comfort more than him than her. Knowing she was still here with him.

But this was her moment. A moment he had been asking for since the moment the supernova died.

“She’s going to miss you more than you miss her, Rose. I know that. But the stages of grief are always the same, even if you didn’t really lose them. But she’ll be happy. She’ll figure it out soon enough.”

And she just cried. Something he was strangely happy about. Because it was something other than the silence. Something other than her letting it stay inside her and spread over every one of her thoughts like mold. It was something he could hear and understand. Something she would soon find was the climax of the end.

[shoot-i-messed-up]

L and V (Part 9)

A/N: oof where did my motivation go? also, there may or may not be foreshadowing in this chapter

Tropes/Pairings: Analogical, background Royality, hero x villain, soulmates AU (the one where if you draw on yourself, it shows up on your soulmate’s skin), and superpowers

Summary: Corbin informs Virgil of the new conspiracy theories surrounding Anxiety and Logic, and Virgil has to face the consequences the next day. Fortunately, the next day isn’t a field day. Unfortunately, he still has to face the agency bully and his assistant.

TW: This one guy who’s pretty much a stereotypical school bully, a fight, dread, a ““dark side”” but this is a human!au

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Virgil sleepily stumbled into the kitchen the next day. After the fight with the A-team and Logan’s announcement, he had collapsed in exhaustion as soon as he caught sight of his bed. He had slept peacefully, for the first time in a long while.

“Hey, kiddo,” Patton greeted Virgil as he cooked some pancakes.

Virgil slowly made himself some coffee and become aware than your average zombie. As he nursed a cup of warm coffee, he cherished his day off, though off days were usually after a tough battle. After a long sip of caffeine, Virgil replied, “Hey, Pat.”

Patton flipped a pancake sloppily. “You have a day off?”

“Yeah, you?” Virgil nonchalantly took another swig.

“Yep!” Patton chirped. “I’m going to spend the day with Daphne.”

Virgil squinted in thought. “Isn’t she that crazy woman you met at the library?”

“Kiddo,” the elder scolded, setting the pancake onto a plate before turning to look disapprovingly at Virgil. “She isn’t crazy. Far from it! She’s a genius! She showed me this really good book!”

Virgil nodded slowly. “That sounds fake but okay.” He drank some more coffee. He casually turned his phone on to check Tumblr, but he was bombarded with a bunch of texts from Corbin.

Corbin: THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

Corbin: CODE ORANGE!

Corbin sent a link.

Corbin: COME OVER TO THE St. CLAUDIA PARK!

Corbin: Pick up!!

Corbin: Look at the news!!!

Corbin: Did you see the news?!

“What the heck?” Virgil wondered aloud. To start, Code Orange, if he remembered correctly, was a scandal or an information leak of some sort. He quickly typed in the password to his phone and pressed the link Corbin had sent him.

Logic and Anxiety: Dating Confirmed?!

The picture below it was a slightly blurry photo of Virgil and Logan making out the day before.

Virgil’s face was drained of blood. There. He was done. His hero reputation was ruined by this scandal. A hero soul mates with a villain? He was surely going to be treated as a traitor within his agency. And outside his agency, things would be worse. People would shoot him dirty looks in the streets and outright harass him. He was ruined, like how Hamilton when he had published the Reynolds Pamphlet.

How would Virgil pay his bills if he wasn’t a hero? He supposed he could get a different job, but he had dropped out of college to become a full time hero. Virgil would have to freeload off of Patton, but he didn’t want to strain Patton’s finances, especially if Patton suffers the consequences of the scandal, too. Patton had a higher position in the agency, if Patton’s bank account was anything to go by.

And L? Villainy was his job, it was how he kept food on the table. He would get treated as a traitor, too. His own friends would probably turn their backs to him. Virgil scrolled through the news, heart sinking when he realized that the pictures were all over the news. On social media, both villain and hero agencies worked hard to get them off the Internet or to loudly dismiss it as photoshop. Half other people on the Internet thought it was just as “fake” as the proofs of Anxiety and Logic being soul mates.

Corbin: When are you going to get your BUTT over to St. Claudia’s Park?! I’m freezing! And I know you’ve read my texts!

Corbin. Could Corbin fix it? Virgil hoped so. Corbin could fix a lot of things. Corbin fixed his cracked pot once, and Virgil still had no idea how.

Corbin: Virgil! Don’t ignore me!

On second thought, maybe Corbin couldn’t fix his way out of a paper bag, but he could sure as heck order others to. Virgil slipped his phone into his pocket and flew out the door to go to the park.

Reluctantly, Virgil went to work the next day with a pit in his stomach. Some other superheroes shot him murderous glances and others shot him pitying ones. It was a paperwork day, not one in the field, to which Virgil was thankful for. He didn’t think he could handle all of the taunts of villains and the heavy suspicion citizens. He worked quietly at his desk, thanking the universe that he had a private office. His assistant, Imani, typed furiously in a separate desk a few feet away from him. Imani sniffled as she filled out the forms. For the sake of not having awkward silence, Virgil played some classical music from his computer.

“So,” Virgil said, breaking the silence for first time in the hour they had been working silently. He drummed his fingers on the wooden desk, trying to manage a way to get words past his lips without sounding like a fool. “Have you, uh, seen the news recently?”

Imani looked up but kept typing. “Yes, I have!” she said in her British accent. She grinned. “I read the article on the dog and the rabbit becoming friends!”

Virgil stared at Imani in disbelief. “…So you don’t know about the Code Orange?”

Imani’s grin wavered and her eyes seemed lifeless for once. “I do know about that.” She stopped typing. Her smile dropped. “Is it true?”

Virgil ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah,” he sighed.

“Goodness!” she gasped. Imani stood up and slammed her hands onto her desk. “How could you do that? Logic? I didn’t believe all those rumors, but this…this…”

Virgil sank further into his chair and hid his face in his sweater. “I-I-I’m sorry…”

Imani teared up and sniffled. “I’m afraid ‘sorry’ doesn’t cut it. Logic almost put my family business out of business!”

Virgil squinted and wondered if this was going where he thought it was going. “…What’s your family business?” he asked hesitantly.

“Family Hashen Bakery,” Imani sniveled. Virgil handed her a tissue, which she took gratefully. “We think someone broke into it sometime ago.” She aggressively blew her nose.

Virgil winced and guilt ate at his heavy heart. “Oh…”

After a few minutes of Virgil passing tissues to her, Imani calmed down a little with only some sniffles. “Virgil, I know you’re a good person, but Logic…Logic isn’t.”

“I know,” Virgil admitted. “I think the universe made a mistake.”

“Virgil, this is the plot of a million books,” Imani said as-a-matter-of-factly as she could when wiping tears from her face. “The universe doesn’t make mistakes.” She and Virgil solemnly locked eyes. “I hope that’s true.” Then she sat down and continued typing almost as if nothing had ever happened. Virgil stared at her, surprised to see how easily she had slipped back into work. After a few minutes, Virgil sat back down, too, and filled out more paperwork.

The two sat in tense silence, except for the music Virgil still played. He had turned it a little louder, to cut the tension. An hour later, Virgil stood up. “I’m going to take a break,” Virgil muttered at Imani. He watched her for a reaction, permission, something.

She looked up. “Then take one,” she said professionally, almost coldly.

He shuddered at her warmthless voice and opened the door. The hallway was suddenly a lot more inviting than his office, and most other heroes didn’t give him any more trouble other than glares. He made his way to the first floor. He was almost at the vending machine to get his usual granola bar when he was stopped by a thick hand on his shoulder.

“Well, Anxiety, so good to see you,” a man boomed high above Virgil’s head.

Virgil silently cursed his luck. Why did it have to be Chad, of all people? He was very much a jerk, and he only got through the ranks of the agency because of nepotism. At least, that was what everyone thought. Virgil had seen Chad fight, and he was afraid of Chad. He was the stereotypical jock of the agency, which was saying a lot.

“Hi, Chad,” Virgil said. He tried to walk away, but Chad’s hand kept him firmly in place. He wondered why Chad of all people had to have super strength, but that’s how the universe went. Virgil had heard Chad’s soul mate’s power was to weaken others. Balance, Virgil supposed.

Chad’s grip on Virgil tightened, bringing Virgil out of thought. “I heard about the Code Orange,” he said. Some heroes started to take notice of the scrawny 21-year-old and the jacked 30 something by the vending machine.

Now, Virgil knew he was lucky to be at his polite, well-mannered agency, but that didn’t mean that fights between heroes still didn’t happen. He had heard about an argument that escalated into a full-on brawl, but the heroes had telekinesis and pyrokinesis, so naturally, the fight was destructive.

“I see,” Virgil said politely.

“Are you soul mates with Logic?”

Virgil winced at Chad’s fingernails digging into his shoulder, and he was sure that Chad was using his power. He needed to defuse the situation before it turned into a fight, but if he wanted to not cause a scene, he had to stall for time. He subtly started to adjust the gravity around them.

“What?” Virgil asked innocently. In his peripheral vision, he saw a figure in black and grey. He hoped that was who he thought it was. “Yeah, I thought it was obvious by now.” Virgil heard some dramatic gasps the shouts of his colleagues, and perhaps the exasperated sigh of some after Dot fainted. Again.

“You’re not going to betray the heroes for that scum, are you?” Chad spat.

“No,” Virgil said as calmly as he could. The black and grey outline started to come closer, and Virgil’s and Chad’s feet were almost off of the ground.

After that happened, Virgil would have the advantage. Chad would have to float aimlessly about. And if he wanted to go anywhere, let alone fight, he would have to push himself. Considering Chad’s power, that would be very destructive, and with all of the precious or dangerous items in the building, even Chad’s father wouldn’t be able to pay that amount of money. All of this banked on whether or not Chad could figure this out, and Chad wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. That’s where they came in.

“No,” Virgil repeated a little louder. “Really the opposite!” With that, they shot off of the floor, and Virgil was once again thankful for the high ceilings and the interior balconies of other floors. Before Chad could do anything, Virgil wiggled out of his grasp and dropped himself off at the second floor.

“Hey!” Chad roared and tried to sprint after Virgil but he propelled himself upside down.

“Chad, don’t!” Elliot yelled from the ground.

Chad grumbled loudly, but he knew he couldn’t do anything. Elliot was 90% of Chad’s impulse control.

With light feet, Virgil sprinted down the halls into his office. He almost ran past his door. He quickly opened his office, shut the door behind him, and locked it with his keys. He trembled with nerves and panted from exhaustion.

Imani quickly sat up straight. “What happened?” she said, shocked.

“Everything,” Virgil gasped in between puffs. “But more precisely, Chad.”

Envy looked around the dark and dirty street around him. A few shady people milled about the place as Envy looked down at the piece of paper in his hand. He entered into Killer Koffee warily and looked around at the black sofas with suspiciously red splatters. “Hello,” he greeted the grumpy barista. He pretended to squint at the menu as if he wasn’t already instructed on what drink to get. “I would like a mocha with whip cream, extra sugar, and hold the milk.”

The barista raised an eyebrow. “Who is it for?”

Envy smiled. “Phthonus.”

“Well then,” the barista said, “right this way, sir.” She led him into the back of the store, where only employees could enter. The employee led the villain into a broom closet and shut the door behind Envy, almost nipping his heels.

“Code word?” a man chirped in a dreadfully cheerful manner. Envy could almost see the spy’s glasses highlighted in the dark closet and shivered. People like the spy in front of him always intimidated him.

“Confucius,” Envy answered. “Now, what’s the info?”

Taglist:

@cyberpunkjinx

@jemthebookworm

@preyed-llama

@a-ghosts

@alicehatter529