#Which yeah but also I don't think Ness' feelings are like. JUST because of that yknow

[marcsnuffy]

The kainess posters I follow on twitter are going "TURN AROUNNDDDD" at the "i want to experience being loved" part of Kaiser's monologue and it's killing me

[riediaries]

gojo satoru loves his daughter so much that he's willing to do anything for her to be happy.

"babe, what are you doing?" you ask.

"braiding your hair." he answers while he makes a mess out of your newly brushed hair.

you scoff. "you mean, trying to braid my hair. you're making it like a bird ness." you try to pull his wrist out of your hair but he successfully avoided it.

"in a week..." he starts as he take a look on your peacefully sleeping daughter. satoru decided to have a movie night with his two favorite girls. your daughter was so excited that she even helped him arranged the couches to make a bed in order to have a comfortable sleep during after the movie.

and now, the film's not even on half but the excitement on your daughter's mind already died down as she's already sleeping beside you. and your husband, satoru, is not also paying attention to the movie because he's busy paying his dear attention on your hair.

"in a week, she's going to school now, right?" he quietly asks.

"yeah.?" you raises an eyebrow, confusion paints your face. "so?"

"she wants me to braid her hair so that she can brag her new classmates that her daddy did her hair." he chuckles. "that's why i'm practicing."

"she said that? to you? really?" you laugh quietly as to not wake up your daughter or else you will be having a hard time putting her to sleep again.

"apparently, she loves daddy more than mommy." he teases you in which you rolled you eyes at him. "it's alright though, daddy loves mommy." he consoles you by showering your nape and shoulder some lovely kisses.

his kisses tickles you and you uncontrollably laugh a little too loud. this made your daughter woke up from her sleep.

"daddyyy..." she whines and satoru's beside her as fast as a lightning, so attentive to his darling daughter.

"did mommy's big mouth woke you up, baby?" he indirectly teases you and you lean to them, glaring at him.

he reaches out to her and she complies to her daddy. such a daddy's girl. he pats her back slowly while caressing her white hair she got from him.

after sometime, she's asleep again and it's time to open your mouth.

"i don't think it's me who has a big mouth, satoru."

he grins. "ah.. that's right, i think it's me, yeah?" he grins even more and leans to your ear for you to hear what he's going to say. "i mean, i eat yo–"

you immediately put a palm over his mouth to stop him from talking. you eye your daughter, just in case, and you eye your dear husband after.

he stares at you and the palm that's covering his mouth. you can feel his mouth grin and opens and a soft but wet muscle comes out to lick your palm.

it got you pulling your hand away from him, smearing his saliva on his pajama shirt. "so gross."

"liar. you like it when–"

"do you ever shut up?"

"you like my mouth, baby." he blew a kiss to your way and you swat the empty air beside you, an attempt to avoid his kiss.

he carefully lays your sleeping daughter to her former position and gives you a quick kiss. "i love you." he eyes you, waiting for you to declare your love back at him

"fix my hair first and i might say it back." he laughs at your answer as he lays you down on your back, offering your nose, eyes, cheeks, forehead and finally, your lips some light kisses.

the movie is long forgotten by the loving kisses your husband gives you.

"i love you." he repeats and you roll your eyes before saying. "i love you, too." he smiles and lays down with you and your daughter after he turns off the big screen.

you wake up by the muffled noises on your side. you carefully open your eyes to find your husband and your daughter covering their mouths to not make any noises but alas, just like your husband, your daughter has a big mouth, too.

"mommy, your hair is like a bird ness!" she exclaims and laughs alongside her daddy.

satoru gains a glare from you. "satoru gojo."

he freezes up at his government name. "i was about to fix your hair last night but you were so cute i couldn't afford to wake you up from your beauty sleep!" he raises his hand and stands up, clearly know what's about to come.

your daughter laughs even more, enjoying the scene her parents are causing early in the morning.

the gojo family sure knows how to make a morning livelier and more entertaining than any family.

part 2

[mandarinmoons]

Hii. if you’re still taking request, i have a request for your littérateur-ness :)

I don’t know if you write for BAU!reader or explicitly reader x Spencer but I was thinking about the team working a case in a haunted town. Spooky, unexplainable incidents happen (doors open, shadows appear), their hotel rooms are haunted (which maybe causes some room sharing ifykyk), instigators freak out the others and skeptics try to defend incidents. Penelope goes out and buys sage, Reid freaks out reader, Derek sleeps out in the SUV because he’s not super excited about the ghosts. 

I love this omg

The steps of the hotel creaked as you walked up them and the wood seemed so worn that you tried your best to convince yourself that you wouldn’t fall through them.

“C’mon now everyone, let’s go check in,” Rossi announced as he walked towards the reception and everyone followed suit, but no one listened to David's and the hotel workers chatter as they all took in the building just walked into.

The air felt unusual to say the least. You could feel yourself being watched and if you focused hard enough swore that you felt a hand on your shoulder, but when you turned around there was no one behind you, it must’ve been the exhaustion.

Receiving the key to your room, you took off to finally get a change of clothes and relax in a soft bed. As you walked through the halls you felt unusual cold spots here and there, thinking that it was due to the hotel being old and not having the best insulation, you brushed it off and headed to your room.

As the night moved on you swore you heard little tapping sounds, on the walls, on the windows, anywhere you could think of.

Nearly falling asleep you heard a knock on your door, you jumped at the sudden sound and made your way to open it, seeing Spencer on the other side.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Spencer looked tense. He was clutching a pillow to his chest and his brows were knitted in worry.

“Can I stay with you for the night? I keep feeling like there’s someone watching me in my room.”

“Well, I don't know if I’ll be much help because I keep experiencing the same thing.”

“It seems like everyone is.”

“What do you mean?”

Spencer walked in and sat on the edge of the bed as he tried to find the words for the occurrences he’d faced tonight.

“Morgan kept saying he felt like he was being watched. He also said that he kept hearing furniture being moved when he was in the shower. He got so freaked out that he ended up going to the car to sleep.”

“What? Really?”

Spencer nodded and continued, “Penelope even went to town to buy some sage to “cleanse the air”, but I doubt it’ll help.”

Chuckling, you made your way to the bed and sat next to Spencer. Even if he was one of the most logical people you had ever met, you were a bit amused seeing him visibly shaken over these encounters.

“Are you afraid of a few ghosts?”

Spencer snorted, but still hugged the pillow close to him, “There’s no scientific evidence that ghosts are real.”

“Yeah? And you’re over here shaking like a leaf.”

“Oh, like you aren’t affected by this?”

“Okay okay, fine. I admit, it’s been a bit eerie here.”

“So, can I stay here?”

“Would it make you feel better?”

Spencer nodded and you rolled your way to the side of the bed, patting the open spot, a way of saying he could stay.

Crawling over to you, Spencer put his pillow down and laid down with his face towards you, his eyes capturing yours.

After a moment of silence you closed your eyes and soon enough both of you fell asleep.

What felt like only 15 minutes of sleep, you were shaken awake by Spencer, his voice shaky and on edge.

“Y/N, Y/N!”

“Spencer, what’s wrong?!”

“I heard knocking.”

Walking over to the door carefully, you opened it and were met with Penelope, holding a box of incense in her hands.

“I have come to cleanse your room my dears” Penelope walked past you and lit one of the sticks, airing it around the room.

“Is this even allowed?”

“I checked with the staff, apparently even they themselves do this every few weeks in hopes it’ll slow down activity.”

“Unbelievable.”

“It’s true, ask them yourselves if you must.”

Being cut off by Spencer’s coughing, he stood up and opened the window to clear the air.

“Wait, boy genius, what’re you doing here?”

“I uh, I heard some noises in my room and didn’t want to be alone.”

“Aww, being with Y/N makes you feel safe?”

“Yes, I mean no, I mean-”

Penelope chuckled over Spencer’s sputtering which only made you crack a smile. Knowing that Spencer felt safe in your presence tugged at your heart in ways you never thought was possible.

After a good half an hour and the smell of the incense permeating the air, Penelope left you and Spencer to rest. Sleep was the last thing on both of your minds though as you both were up until nearly 3 AM, talking about the possibilities of why all of these events took place.

“What about the tapping on the walls?”

“It could be mice.”

“Ew, don’t say that.”

“I’m just stating the most possible explanation!”

“Just say it’s ghosts and go to sleep.”

“As I stated before, there is no-”

Before Spencer managed to finish his sentence, a sudden crash was heard outside the room, which caused Spencer to jump into your embrace, his arms wrapping around you tightly.

“Spencer, I can’t breathe!”

“Sorry…”

A second later you heard a hotel employee call out, apologizing for his cleaning cart dropping on the floor. A sigh of relief came out of both of you and then you felt your cheeks heat up, realizing what position the two of you were in.

“Oh sorry, I should um,” Spencer moved to slide his arm off of you, but before he could move any more, you rested your hand on top of his.

“It’s okay, I like it.”

Blinking his eyes rapidly, Spencer laid his head down and looked over at you for a moment before mumbling a “good night” and closing his eyes.

You kept looking at Spencer’s face for a moment, seeing his face relax as sleep took over and he was finally able to rest. As much as you hated all of the weird occurrences that happened throughout the night, you couldn’t lie and say that you were annoyed with Spencer coming over to stay the night with you, because you weren’t, you were delighted by it.

You shut your eyes and your thumb ran over the back of Spencer’s hand, which was met by Spencer pulling you slightly closer in his sleep, his breath fanning over your face. You were just close enough to rest your head in the crook of his neck and you secretly hoped that there would be another bump in the night, so that he’d pull you closer into him and you’d get to live out your secret wish.

You can find my masterlist here!

Let me know your thoughts in the comments and like & reblog to support <3

[nnight-dances]

CHERRY-FLAVOURED

PAIRING: choi seungcheol x f!reader (ft. kwon soonyoung & kim mingyu)

GENRE: fluff, angst

TROPES: small town au!, exes to lovers, jealousy, idiots in love, fake dating (w/ soonyoung), you own a small bookstore and i never mention what seungcheol does (but just know he's rich).

RECOMMENDED: reading ADORABLY, YOURS before this, since this is the same seungcheol and i make a few references to what happened there.

"Oh, did you hear? Seungcheol's back in town!" Nayeon calls out with a lopsided smile she thinks is inconspicuous. You think it's obnoxious. 

But you don't let her know how much the news bothers you, pretending to instead by absorbed in currently trying to get your hair to sit right in a ponytail. "Sure," you reply, not breaking eye-contact with yourself in the mirror. 

Your roommate quickly catches though because she appears by your shoulder in the mirror, eyes narrowing. "Right. And you're fine with it?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" you mutter, devoting every fibre of your being to make your tone stay flat.

"I don't know, the way you've been working on this ponytail for the past fifteen minutes had me thinking otherwise," she shrugs, "And the fact that it still looks like shit from the back."

You scoff in offense, "All my baby hair makes it real hard to do this, okay!" But Nayeon's already making her way back to the kitchen to finish her breakfast with a teasing giggle and you watch her in dismay, wondering if not only your hairstyle but also your acting had really been that bad.

And as you spin around to face your reflection, you figure that the general bad-ness of your life might have something to with Seungcheol's return to town after all. Not that you would ever admit it, for many reasons. But mainly because of the fact that he's your ex-boyfriend. 

You liked to think you'd ended things with him on a good note– there hadn't been too many tears or screams and you still would catch up with him whenever you ran into him, an occurrence that was basically inevitable given how small your town was. But ever since he'd left on trip to visit his much-famed best friend, Jeonghan, you'd finally gotten around to thinking about why you were still single despite having left a long-term relationship for over a month.  

…Which led to a series of messy first dates with the few tolerable men in town who would otherwise have you cringing at the thought of talking to them. And well, actually going out with them convinced you your first impressions were always right and your intuition was all-knowing. 

– 

Meet Soonyoung, the man who would almost unmistakably come around asking for gum in your store. Your bookstore. 

You couldn't figure out if it was a honest fault of his personality or if he was doing it to annoy you– until one afternoon you found it was something much worse: he was flirting with you.

"Y/N, your hair looks cute today," he's telling you through a grin right now. You look away from the computer screen where you've been logging the new stock of books in, ready to tell him thanks and that you needed to hear that since your beloved roomate insulted you this morning. You don't get around to saying all that because you spot a figure entering the store behind Soonyoung, where he's leaning on the counter with his hands under his chin. He thinks he's slick but you know it's so he can show off his arms. 

You've forgotten all about Hoshi and his boyish charms because you notice the new customer is none other than the recent arrival to town, Seungcheol. 

You hate the way you can feel your heart skip a beat at the revelation so you quickly turn your head back to your screen. "Thanks, Soonyoung."

Thankfully, Hoshi doesn't seem to notice the stiffness of your clipped response and instead is distracted by a stack of plastic-wrapped books. 

"Wow, you sure have a lot of new stock coming in these days, huh?" 

You nod, still not looking away from the screen. "Yeah, I've been working on keep the shelves up to date with the new releases. I'm sick of people using the feedback box to curse me out for still placing the classics out front."

You hear a snort then and you immediately recognize it as not Soonyoung's. 

"You'd think that's how the feedback works, no?" 

Slowly you turn to look at him in the eyes, unsettled by the playful glint you find there. "...Can I help you?" you ask quietly, keeping your tone cordial but not too warm. Hoshi stands up straight with Seungcheol next to him, earning him a glance from the man. 

"Oh, did you finally hire a part-timer?" he asks. You consider throwing the stack of new books in your ex's face. And then you remember how much they cost. So instead, you settle on shaking your head. 

"No–" Hoshi cuts you off, though, much to your chagrin. 

"No, I'm just here giving Y/N company," he's saying and you really wish he wouldn't speak, but he goes on, "She's been pretty stressed out these days and last week–"

"Soonyoung," you look at him warningly, "do you think you could help me double-check if there's a delivery out front? I keep getting tracking updates that it's close."

"Of course!" he responds already reaching for the glass doors, "Be right back, Y/N!"

With Soonyoung gone, Seungcheol finally breaks into the guffaw you know he's been keeping in for the past five minutes. "What's that all about?"

"It's none of your business, Seungcheol," you inform him as you busy yourself with tidying up the stray pieces of gum wrapper Soonyoung had conveniently forgotten. 

"Oh, so you do remember who I am, after all?" You hate how much you like listening his voice turn slighly soft at the sound of his name on your lips. And the how your breath's a little uneven when he slides to invade your line of vision, big hands tapping at the counter to get your attention. As if you could possibly be thinking about anything else right now. 

"Why are you here, anyway?" you ask him, training your gaze on him. "Because I know, for a fact, you don't read." 

"I'm hurt, Y/N," Seungcheol gasps with a hand to his chest. His unbelievably firm chest. "And after I worked so hard to read that boring poem book for you?"

You almost seethe at the way he calls it a poem book but contain it with a grimace. "Can we get to the point here? I have a store to run, dude."

"I'm serious! I came here to find a book. Considering picking that poem book again, figure out what the big deal is for once and for all."

You stay still, unresponsive to his ridiculous excuse. Seungcheol waits a few beats, eyes locked with yours before giving in. "Fine. I was in town and wanted to see how you were doing." 

Never mind, you think you preferred to hear the ridiculous lies because the way your ex-boyfriend's gaze drops to your fists by your side has you immediately unfolding your grasp. Stupid Seungcheol and his ability to fuck up a perfectly okay daily routine. 

"Ugh," you sigh out after a moment, "Come on. I'll help you find the chapbook. But you have to promise to never call it a poem book ever again. Or I'm blacklisting you." 

You don't see it but when you spin around to march into the bookstore, expecting Seungcheol to follow you, he's all smiles, his own fists unravelling at the way your tone lost its cold somewhere along the way of this encounter. He skips behind you with a noise of excitement. 

"Okayyyy," you hum as you crouch by the poetry section, fingers expertly running through the spines of the thin books there. Seungcheol crouches by you, a little too close because his arm brushes against you, almost throwing you off-balance. 

You're about to tell him off for surprising you but he suddenly smiles, dimples so delicious in the soft glow of the light of the bookstore filtering through the bookshelves. "Your hair looks different," he comments, voice low and his gaze slowly follows the trail of your low ponytail, the thin grey band that holds the strands together clearly very worn-out. "Looks pretty." 

And where Seungcheol's wondering when you started wearing your hair up, you're incredibly flustered by his compliment. You stand up too quick, knee joints popping, and you think you must really be growing old when your vision blacks out a little. 

You steady yourself with a hand on the shelf, quietly scolding Seungcheol, "You're in the way." He joins you on his feet, making way with an exaggerated wave of his arm, not missing the way your ears are turning redder by the second.

You're gifted a good solid five minutes of peace as you inspect the shelves, wondering how you lost track of the chapbook, when Seungcheol speaks up again. "Um, so seriously, what's the deal with you and Soonyoung? You… seeing him?" 

For all his attempts at maintaining an air of nonchalance, Seungcheol can't help how irked he was when he walked into your bookstore to the sight of Soonyoung making conversation to you. Irksome especially more so because he'd heard you say that you hated having people around you while you did the boring but imperative computer-related stuff at work, something about wanting to get the misery out of the way as soon as possible. Yet, there Soonyoung had been, distracting you with all his airhead being. 

"I can't seem to locate the book right now for some reason," you start, doing nothing to ease Seungcheol's worries, "And I also can't seem to comprehend why my dating life is a point of discussion between us… anymore."

And wow, does your comment hurt. It hurts Seungcheol but also you, even as you're the one saying it because you can practically feel his mood dampening at your words. But the rational part of you is praising you for doing the right thing and setting your boundaries before you get any more carried away by your ex-boyfriend's ways. 

That afternoon Seungcheol leaves your bookstore, very empty-handed and extremely heart-broken, because as he exits, he can already hear Soonyoung asking if you wanted get lunch with him. 

– 

Speaking of lunch, enter Mingyu because eating out with someone, more often than not, meant making a trip to his humble but bustling restaurant. It was everything right with your small town: a simple menu that remained consistently mind-blowing no matter how many times you visited.

Wish you could say your friendship with Mingyu had maintained the same level of consistency as his culinary competence. 

And in your defense, you didn't know how much longer you could've gone ignoring the way Mingyu would take every opportunity to make you extra sides that you didn't order and send you specially curated handmade dinner-sets when he heard you were sick or too busy to eat. You hated it, crossing the friendzone you had so carefully placed him in, but one late night, when he showed up at your door in the rain just so he could deliver your food before it went cold, you caved and invited him in. 

So while you legally have no choice but to politely turn down Soonyoung's offer for lunch, you can't help that you find yourself walking to Mingyu's Kitchen on Saturday morning for some brunch because as much as you loved improvising with the two ingredients in your fridge, nothing beat the ramyeon he cooks. 

You're still groggy when you enter the cozy shop but the familiar scent iss already warming you up from the chilly air outside. Except you make eye-contact with the man as you step foot into the place. 

The man being Seungcheol, of course, because where you could handle fielding Mingyu's puppy eyes on you, a reminder that you hadn't texted him back yet– Seungcheol's intense glare fixed on you has you shaking in your boots. Literally. 

"...actually, I think I'll just eat here," you hear him call out as you approach the counter to place your order. Your head hurts already so you don't think too hard about Seungcheol's request to Sakura who nods with a smile. 

"Y/N!" Mingyu materializes in front of you with a beam to greet you and you think sunglasses might've been the way to go this morning. 

"Hey," you drag out the greeting, flinching at your own hoarse voice, "What's up, Gyu?"

"Nothin' much, just dealing with the usual Saturday morning rush, y'know? Maroon 5 should write a song about that instead of crying over Sunday mornings, don't you think?"

You're busy processing the tall man's chaotic train of thoughts when you hear Seungcheol laughing faintly. You glance at him, frowning when he's standing closer to you than you remember and then look back at Mingyu. "Ha, sorry it's so busy," you mumble.

"You don't sound so good. Did you catch something?" Mingyu inquires, brows furrowing and you genuinely love the man for his observance but dread its consequences nevertheless.

"Ahh, I mean, it's fine. Just a little cold from the wind," you clear your throat in an effort to sound better, "But I'll have a ramyeon for that very reason." You try to punctuate your sentence with a light-hearted chuckle but with your condition, it just kind of sounds like you're dying so you shut yourself up. 

"Feeling under the weather?" 

You look up from your phone screen, where you've been fixating all your attention so you can ignore the way Seungcheol's seated himself on the table right next to yours. This was the problem with eating out alone. The danger of your ex-boyfriend tailing you. You swear you're dragging Nayeon out after you next time, her fucked-up sleep schedule be damned. 

You shrug in response to his question, "I'm fine. Thanks for the concern."

"You're very welcome," comes his teasing reply, "But seriously, you've got to wear more layers than that if you want to make it to winter."

You look down at your long-sleeved top with a frown, "I think this attire is perfectly appropriate for the fall, actually." You tug at the sleeves so they cover your wrists as if to prove a point. 

Seungcheol raises a brow, "It would be a perfectly appropriate attire for someone who doesn't have the immune system of a rat."

Gasping, you shoot back, "Rude! I don't see why I have to stand this slander even when we're not together."

There it is. The words slip out your tongue before you have a minute to filter your thoughts and though things between you and Seungcheol are more chill than most former lovers, your sudden comment has the atmosphere turn ever so awkward, with his smile falling and your own turning sour. 

You sigh in relief when Sakura brings out a tray to Seungcheol's table that very moment, saving you just a little embarassment. "Enjoy your meal!" she smiles at him and then at you, "Your food will be out soon!" 

You nod, swallowing against your dry throat and watch as Seungcheol stares at his food wordlessly. You really had a way with words for someone who sold books for a living. Eventually, you go back to distracting yourself with your phone and he starts eating, suddenly laser-focused on his food. 

You're thankful for the space, until you see Mingyu making his way to your table with your tray in his hands. You don't know why he does that, bringing you your food despite being the head chef and owner of the place. Well, you do know why but you didn't have the energy to deal with the reasons today. 

Not with Seungcheol sitting right there, eyes on Mingyu's back as he places your food in front of you, grin intact. You're about to thank the man and hopefully, cut any conversation short but he beats you to it. 

"Here's your food, Y/N!" his voice borders on cracking but he goes on, "I made you some yuja-cha as well for your throat. And make sure you eat a lot of kimchi, okay? Let me know if you need anything else."

Slowly you nod, thanking him under your breath as he takes off and now it's your turn to stare at your food in silence while Seungcheol's shooting daggers your way. 

If he thought he was upset by your thing with Soonyoung, the way Mingyu was just all up in your space with his stupidly sweet gestures has Seungcheol… a lot more upset. 

"I thought Mingyu and you were just friends," he's voicing before he can help it. 

Your head snaps up in surprise but really, you should've seen this coming. You compose yourself, averting your eyes back to the warm food in your plate. "And I thought I made it clear that my dating life is none of your business."

"It's not my business," Seungcheol says, unconvincing to his own hears, "But it would be a problem if you were, you know, two-timing." 

Now you know Seungcheol is trying to get on your nerves because he knows how much you hate dishonesty and to accuse you of being disloyal is a low blow, really. But it works because you finally look back at him with eyes wide, "Of course I'm not. I slept with him like once!"

Where the news has Seungcheol feeling conflicted because where it was good to know that nothing was serious, it was also not fun to hear that you'd slept with him. But while he tried hard to not dwell on Mingyu's impressive physique, you were busy catching up with your own loss of control.

Because even despite your unintended confession that you hope you weren't too loud about, you quickly supply in a quiet voice, "...well, it was technically a date that led to sleeping– but it had nothing to do with Soonyoung— I don't even know why I'm telling you this!" 

You spend the rest of your brunch focusing on finishing your food and appropriately thanking Mingyu for the food, a little apologetic for many many reasons, so you can leave the same room as your ex-boyfriend faster. 

But he makes it real hard, because just as you step out of the restaurant and take a deep breath of the fresh September air to settle your nerves, you hear his voice calling you out. You stuff your hands into the pockets of your pants to brace yourself as you turn around, already starting to say something about how he needs to leave you alone and forget you said anything. 

"You left your phone behind!" he cuts you off, holding out the device for you to see. You curse under your breath, feeling incredibly ridiculous as you reach for it. 

"Thanks–"

And then he dodges your grasp, leaving you flailing around like an idiot while he looks on with an amused half-smile. Half a smile because he knows you would kill him and then yourself if he straight-out laughed at you. 

"I'll give it back if you unblock me."

Your shoulders slump and a groan leaves your lungs. "Seungcheol."

But his smile only widens because you may be glaring at him but you did just say his name. And a win is a win. 

"Seriously? You're holding my phone hostage just so you can blackmail me over something so petty? Come on!" 

"I'm sorry, do you know how many seal memes you've been missing out on since you blocked me? This is no laughing matter."

"I'm not the one laughing," you snap and then cross your arms in exasperation, "Don't be a child, dude, and just give me my phone."

"Why did you block me anyway?"

You raise your brows at him as if to say really? but he maintains his smile and you groan again. You hate him for knowing that you hadn't blocked him right after the breakup thanks to someone's insistence on thinking seal memes were funny and that the real resaon you'd blocked him was–

"–Siri kept recommending your contact every single time I would go to make a phone call! Heck, I couldn't even text Nayeon to get me a towel in the shower because the messages app would automatically redirect to you."

Seungcheol watches in awe as he connects the dots in his head and mutters, "You still had me saved as kkmua's dad?" You look away but your silence is enough of an answer. 

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the reason your phone confused Seungcheol with Nayeon because he was kkuma's dad and she was kookeu's mom– an idea a drunk you had found incredibly hilarous. The similarity in their spelling had your algorithm all fooled every time you typed in one or the other's name in a rush. Still, you wish Seungcheol was a little dumber sometimes. 

Now as you look at Seungcheol you can see he's thinking of something. Most likely considering the question: Why didn't you change it? 

"I was too lazy to change it back, okay? Blocking you was obviously the easier choice."

"I didn't say anything," he tells you with an easy smile, clearly pleased to see you flushed. "For what it's worth, you're still promising young woman in my contacts. And I didn't even have to block you."

It's probably because you've seen Seungcheol so much more than the past two months in the past two days, but you find yourself moved by his words. They're not that meaningful really, he's just bringing up a past inside joke in that reassuring tone of his. But you can't help but smile. 

"I hate you," you breathe out and in the context of the conversation, it makes enough sense. But Seungcheol's dimples deepen because in the context of your history with him, the words are a consolation. 

He only becomes certain of it later that night when he's washed up and throws himself into his sheets to find his phone lighting up in the darkness. It's you. 

promising young woman sent you a link 

promising young woman: rats actually have a great immune system so joke's on u 

And that's all it takes for Seungcheol to go back to his lovesick self, squeaking into his pillow as he reads your text over and over until he can comprehend that not only have you unblocked him of your own accord (debatable) but were also texting him first. 

– 

The next time you run into Seungcheol, it really brings his contact name to life. But before that, enter Soobin, a shy blonde who's recently moved to the town. 

"You like Lamp, huh?" 

Soobin jumps around, eyes flailing around as if you'd caught him red-handed. And you might as well have, what with how he'd been humming and swaying to the music leaking out of the speakers in your bookstore. You'd enjoyed watching the younger man visit the store more frequently the past few weeks, always in the evening hours when you would finally break open your playlists, a luxury you only allowed near closing time. 

"Ha," he nervous laughs, "Y-Yeah… Sorry, I didn't think you were still here."

"I run the place, Soobin. It'd be a bit of a problem if I just took off." You smile at his flustered sigh and move past him to shelf a book you'd taken out to review earlier. "Anyway, we're closing soon. You buying anything today or…?" 

Soobin looks at the thick book in his hands and you recognize it as a new arrival but then he flips it around, a little unsure. "Umm, I'm not– this seems cool but also scary so probably not?"

"I'll take it off your hands then?" you offer with an understanding shrug. But he shakes his head eagerly, "No, no, don't worry. I remember where I took this from. I don't want to get in your way."

"...All right," you reply after a pause. Then, brushing your hands against your pants, "Let me know if you need help, anyway." 

But Soobin's far from one to bother you as he leaves wordleslly, not without assisting you relocate some heavy boxes to the store before you lock up for the day. You're calling out goodbye after him as he takes off into the night when you hear soft barks closing in on you, 

For a beat, you freeze because the sound is excruciatingly nostalgic and you genuinely think you must've time travelled when you turn around to see Seungcheol running toward you with a very excited Kkuma leading the way. You're already dropping to a squat when the dog scurries to your feet, licking at your ankle before you get your hands on her.

You let out an undignified coo at the white ball of fur, "Kkuma, my baby. Aww, baby, you're so sweet. Look at you!" You go on for a little bit, fussing over her as she rolls over for some belly rubs before you come to and become aware of the way Seungcheol stands by, patiently watching. 

You slowly rise to your feet with an awkward smile. 

"I'm convinced she still loves you more than me," the man starts with a pout, "And it's still so unfair. Kkuma, I'm your dad. I pay for your meals and grooming, you know?"

You laugh at the way he scolds his dog in a small voice as you retort, "Maybe she's in her rebellious years. Let her be."

Seungcheol's soft gaze lands on you with a huffed chuckle. And then he looks at something behind you. "Who was that, by the way? New conquest?"

You throw your hands up in the air. "Come on, man. You can't keep doing this!"

"Doing what?"

"Snooping around in my business! And also making me sound like some kind of a player." 

Seungcheol looks down like he's reflecting. Kkuma paws at his leg with a whine and you look between them before letting out a cough.

"That was Soobin. If you must know." You look away as you say this, like it was no big deal, reporting on your customers to your ex-boyfriend because he still got all whiny when he saw you with another man. Neither of you is ready to address the meaning of your actions toward each other quite yet. So you both pretend it's normal when Seungcheol lights up a little when you speak up. 

"Soobin…? Haven't hear that name before."

"Yeah, he moved in a few weeks ago. Shy guy but very smart," you say, "And I think he wants to work part-time at the bookstore." 

"Woah," Seungcheol's ears perk up, "That's great, Y/N! You could totally use the help."

You turn to face him, arms crossed yet again, with a suspecting look on your face. "Hmm, I guess you could say that. I haven't popped the question yet though so don't go around spreading rumors." 

"Aww, you know I would never snitch on you like that! Unless he makes a move on you, of course, because that would be a very different story–"

"Seungcheol." 

Nice. That would be three points to Seungcheol if he was keeping count of how many times you'd said in his name in that grave voice of yours, indicating that you were mad but also couldn't cover up the laughter that bled into your tone anyway. And he was. 

– 

"What about you? You were gone a while."

Seungcheol counts his blessings every minute you spend with him, even if a lot of it was you pushing him away. But you couldn't stay consistent with your cold demeanour for much longer, not with him making sure he ran into you just as you closed your store. With Kkuma scurrying for love and his innocent blush whenever you greeted him, it wasn't long before you were letting your walls down. 

So it's no surprise that you find yourself curious of what he'd been upto in the month-long visit he'd paid to his best friend. 

Initially, Seungcheol's giddy ove your question, like you were on a first date all over again and not just walking along the dim grass fields like you so often did. "You know how it is with Jeonghannie. I meant to be there for a week but… one thing led to another and I was there for a while."

You fall silent, trying to imagine what it must've been like for him. "He still lives near that college, doesn't he?"

"Yeah. He's a strange fellow."

"Not that strange. College towns are like cities," you chuckle, "but with less crime and cranky people."

"I don't know, college students are pretty cranky too. Maybe even worse than the average city person." You raise a brow at Seungcheol's grimace.

"What, did Jeonghan force you to fraternize with college kids or what?"

Okay, now Seungcheol's getting a little worried when he realizes where this is going. And even though everything's in the past for him, he can't help but hesitate to tell you what exactly he'd been up to.

"...Yeah, I mean, most of his friends are college seniors. He knows them from his time there so it's pretty chill."

A few more questions from you have Seungcheol pulling out his phone to supply you with some visuals for some of the events he's mentioning and the way you softly laugh into his shoulder at the sight of the chaotic night parties has him getting a little careless. 

"Wait, wait, who was that?" you stop Seungcheol's now excited swiping with a cold hand to his forearm. He freezes, more because he realizes what you're trying to see than the temperature of your body against his. 

"Um, oh–" he watches dumbly as you go back a few photos to a selfie of him and a girl. They're grinning in the photo, teeth on display and cheeks clearly red from intoxication. 

"Ohh, is she one of his college friends? She's cute–" You interrupt your own musings over the stranger when you go back another photo in his gallery. This time it's a photo of the girl kissing Seungcheol on the cheek, his eyes closed with a shy smile. 

"That's–" Seungcheol barely opens his mouth to explain but trails off when you abruptly pull away from him. "She's– A friend… Um, goes to college in the place and she's–" He stops talking with a groan because great, all his stuttering has you side-eyeing him, no doubt recognizing the guilt swimming in his eyes.

Your voice is so small when you finally speak up, pace increasing. "That's cute," is all you say.

"Wait, Y/N, you don't understand. I know what I sound like but–"

"Just to be clear," you stop your brisk walking to hold up a hand in between you and him as if to symbolize the space there. "You don't have to explain anything to me. It's all cool, Seungcheol." 

And the way you murmur his name transports him back a couple months, a similar breezy night. One where you'd pulled him away from a group dinner with your friends and looked down at your feet the whole time but your words had pierced right through his heart anyway. Even back then, you said his name softly, without any malice, but even that might've been merciful. Because what's worse is the way you uttered his name like goodbye, sincere enough to bring tears to his eyes, even now, as he watches your forlorn back disappear into the night. 

Zero points to Seungcheol. 

– 

"Y/N, you in there?"

It takes a good minute of Nayeon repeating her questioning in increasing volume for you to finally hear her knocks over the sound of the music playing through your headphones. You frown as you uncover one ear and call out, "Nayeon? What happened?" The door to your room slowly creaks up, revealing your roommate standing there with her hands occupied, each holding up a bottle of soju invitingly.

"Wanna talk about it?" 

You're already tearing up when she asks you that and by the time you've both drunk your way through the bottles, your eyes feel numb. You interrupt your own worrying over how swollen they were bound to be tomorrow when you point a finger at Nayeon and question, "I really needed this today. How'd you know?"

She smiles, "Of course I did. You ignored my text about eating at Mingyu's Kitchen and my offer to pay. Plus, you didn't do the thing you usually do where you come in and complain about your ex."

You pout, "I'm sorry. I must be so annoying."

"You are," Nayeon shrugs, "And I like it. But you know what I would like more? If you would just make up with him already."

"No."

"Is this about that one photo of some girl kissing him on the cheek? You know how petty it is to get jealous over something like that?"

"She was seriously pretty, Nayeon!" you defend yourself, "And I'm not jealous, just– just upset because he didn't tell me earlier. I feel so stupid."

"I'm sorry, babe," she mutters, rubbing your back, "He's an idiot for not just coming clean."

"I know! Even after he went sticking his nose in my business and who I slept with while he was gone!"

You sniffle, "Maybe I should just call him and tell him to never ever talk to me again. And that he's a jerk. And that I still love him."

"Wait a second," Nayeon pulls you back onto your butt on the floor, "Maybe, let's reconsider that last part?"

You're clearly more drunk than you let on because you look genuinely confused by her interjection. "What? About me hating him?"

– 

When you drag yourself into work on Monday, you expect a lot of things. You see the headache coming, from last night's drinking and this morning's lack of hot water. You also know it's going to rain the whole day so it's only harder to put one foot after another to move. And where you also expect to pestered by a man: the desperate pleas don't come from Seungcheol like you'd secretly hoped.

"Soonyoung?"

The man, who'd been impatiently pacing by the entrance to your store, stops at the sound of your voice and spins around, nearly slipping over thanks to the wet ground. He throws the daunting hood covering his eyes with a bright smile as you run over and hastily unlock the store.

"Why're you out here in the rain?" 

Soonyoung sighs in relief once he's inside brushing his damp pants off with a quick hand. Then, he looks up with a shy expression, "Well, I… need to ask you something."

And given his past mooning over you, when he says that with a nervous laugh, you're stiffening up because you think you know where this is going. But then, Soonyoung defies your expectations for the second time yet again. 

Because where you'd expected to have to turn him down with an incompetent attempt at kindness, the next hour finds you grappling with all the information he's throwing at you.

For starters, he does ask you out. But– "It's fake. Dont worry, I'm not actually into you like that," he quickly adds with a dry laugh. 

As it turns out, he's asking you to help him make a move on a girl he only recently realized he liked. Her name's Chaewon and the only thing you know about her is that she owns a strawberry farm and can sing on ocassion. So you're easily worried by this proposition, "Soonyoung, why would you pretend to be with someone else? Shouldn't you be asking her out?" 

The boy heaves a sigh, "Y/N, I hate it to break it to you but nobody does that anymore. Keep up with the times, won't you? Jealousy is the new I like you."

"I'm pretty sure that's not true," you scoff out, refusing to let Soonyoung peg you as old-fashioned. Your stomach swims at his words anyway, ming wandering to your own… jealousy issues with a certain someone.

"Anyway, there's an open observatory night or something at her farm tonight with complementary dinner after. And I need you to come with me and make her jealous." 

"I don't like how serious you are about this," you complain, "And I don't think I want to be a part of this evil scheme."

"Please, Y/N, you're the only one I can rely on! And you're basically a celebrity around here, when it comes to dating."

You frown, finally looking away from the shelf you'd been re-ogranizing, "What do you mean?"

Soonyoung bites his lip, clearly having said something he shouldn't have. You poke at his arm urgently with a glare. He groans, giving in, "Well, it's just… your break-up with Seungcheol was the only thing anyone could talk about last month! And then the gossip only resurfaced when he came back to town."

"What kind of gossip?" you press with narrow eyes. 

"I– can't say."

"Soonyoung," you warn him, "Tell me. Or I won't pretend to be your girlfriend."

"Oh, come on! This is blackmail!"

"I thought you really wanted to be with Chaewon, no?" you question with inordinate amounts of innonence in your smile, "Makes you want to paint flowers onto the sky for her, doesn't she?"

"Fine, I'll tell you but only because this side of you is scary," the boy sighs out, "People think the reason you broke up with him was because he cheated on you. And now he's back in town so he can apologize and make up with you… or whatever." 

"That's ridiculous!" you cough out, "Who's been spewing this nonsense? I'm gonna have to–"

He holds your arm in an attempt to ground you, "Nobody really thinks it's true though! And remember how you promised to not tell a soul about a word I told you today?"

"I don't because I never said that–!"

"Seungcheol's gonna be there tonight, too, if that helps?"

Soonyoung's clearly much more devious than you last remember him being but when he explains that this could be a win-win situation for both of you– where he makes Chaewon realize her feelings for him, you also make Seungcheol jealous with your little act. 

And while you're sure to curse the him out for his assumption that you would want to get back with Seungcheol at all to begin with, the idea does leave an impression on you. Your mind's gears are working really hard, not just because you're trying to figure out a new spread for the monthly display at the front of your bookstore, but also because you keep finding loopholes in Soonyoung's grand plan.

"But is pretending to be together for one dinner really going to convince anyone? I mean, no offense, but nobody I know will believe that."

Soonyoung shrugs, "It's not just for one night. We're obviously going to do other stuff." You scrunch your nose up in disgust. "But think of tonight as the opening night. What we do tonight determines how the rest of our lives will pan out. We could end up lonely and dreadful if one of us messes up."

– 

For all of your criticism of Soonyoung's hyperbolic description of a dubious scheme, that evening finds you making double-takes in the front camera of your phone every other minute. Yep, turns out your nose was still on your face.

"Y/N, you look great," Soonyoung calls out finally, having watched you the whole ride to the venue. It was part of his plan, of course, to make things seem more official in his words. "So can you stop?"

"Are you sure you don't like me?"

As it often happens, your own question catches you more off-guard than it does Soonyoung. Your nerves have succesfully taken over your bodily functions. 

"I don't, Y/N," he responds with an easy smile, "I don't know why you keep asking me that. Do you like me or something?"

You sigh. "Sorry. It just seemed like that for a while. But I'm glad you don't, it makes things a lot easier."

"Good," he hums and then, after a beat passes, "By the way, when all of this over and both of us are hopefully happily in love with our respective partners–"

"I'm not in love with Seung–"

"And after you're done denying your feelings– Maybe we can be friends?"

You nod with a thoughtful hum, "Sure. That sounds fine. Except I thought we were already friends?"

Conversation with Soonyoung becomes a lot less tiresome when you've both established the purely platonic basis of your relationship. Which is ironic because fifteen minutes later, he's whispering in your ear to smile as he reaches for your hand. But his presence is still comforting and you find yourself wondering why you hadn't always found it this easy to be friends with him. The thought keeps you distracted momentarily and then, you lock eyes with Seungcheol. 

You were standing next to Soonyoung when it happened, hand in his as he caught up with friends and purposefully showed off his new relationship. The news was as unexpected to them as it was to you this morning and keeps conversation busy enough to allow you to be completely zoned out. And then you spot Seungcheol across the room, his eyes fixed on you in the distance and his mouth set in an intimidating line.

You look away with a cough, feeling your neck grow warmer. Soonyoung senses the change in your mood and when he asks if you're okay, you lean into his ear and complain, "Fuck, I just made eye-contact with him." 

He breaks into a grin at your indirect admission to still liking your ex. If Seungcheol knew the context to your arrangement with Soonyoung, he would find this entire exchange heart-warming, losing it over how shy you've gotten. But he doesn't know.

So in his eyes, it just looks like you've just whispered an inside joke into another man's ear and his chuckles are out of fondness. And that's why attributes your shy flush to Soonyoung's response to you, and not the eye-contact you'd made with him seconds ago.  

Seungcheol spends the rest of the night lurking. He skirts your surroundings, his eyes in disbelief every time you don't pull away from Soonyoung's hand on you. He's confused and jealous. The combination has him malfunctioning in a corner when he spots you breaking away from Soonyoung's side for the first time that evening. 

He doesn't even spare a thought to his actions when he springs forth, trailing you to the refreshments. You're trying to refill your lemonade even though you don't really have the desire to drink it anymore, mainly because Soonyoung had approached Chaewon and it seemed like his plan was working because you'd never felt so invisible in a conversation before. 

You can feel the act tiring you out though because you don't notice it when Seungcheol sneaks up to your side, breathing down your neck and staring seriously even when you spin around and almost spill your drink all over yourself in surprise. 

"S-Seungcheol!" you groan out, flustered but relieved your dress didn't have to suffer the consequences of your weakness around him. But your heart certainly did, especially when the man stepped closer, voice few octaves lower than usual.

"What are you doing with him?"

You go silent, knowing that you should feel unsettled by the absence of friendliness in his tone but only feel yourself enjoy the way he's so obvious about his jealousy. You look back at him, trying to seem innocent but immediately hate the way his eyes have reddened. "I'm… helping Soonyoung out."

Seungcheol's expression is a big question mark at that. A big angry question mark followed by an exclamation point, if you will. "...by following him around on his arm all night?" 

"Um… yeah," you look over his shoulder to make sure Soonyoung's still occupied by Chaewon and the momentary lack of attention is already pissing your ex-boyfriend even more. You hate lying but you convince yourself that right now, you're simply witholding information from someone. 

"I don't get it, Y/N," he says, "Did I lose my chance with you?"

The question catches you completely off-guard, leaving you gaping at Seungcheol. You were used to his short-temper and his incessant questions but this was new: the solemn setting of his lips and his downcast eyes as he asked you if he still stood a chance with you. He was being vulnerable, you realized, in a way that he never was during your relationship. The change is dizzying, it really is, and you can only think of all the other ways Seungcheol's been changed since he returned.

And all the ways he's stayed the same.

You swallow against the lump in your throat, "Come with me." 

You lead him to a slightly more secluded part of the observatory, a dimly lit corner that's orchestrated by more crickets and the lack of chatter is a welcome relief to your already crowded senses. "I'm not actually with Soonyoung," you breathe out, the truth weighing heavily on your tongue even though you'd only pretended for the one night, "I'm pretending to, because he asked me to." 

Seungcheol's eyes widen, "What? You're fake-dating that guy? Why?"

"He likes Chaewon," you point them out for him over his shoulder but Seungcheol only stares at your face with a serious expression. You retract your pointer with a flushed face, "And they were apparently getting nowhere, despite both liking each other. So he figured he needed some intervention."

You point to yourself this time with a half-smile and then remember the unimpressed look on Seungcheol's face. You watch his face carefully but he remains still for over a minute. 

"Well, I'm only telling you because you asked so nicely," you clear your throat, feeling a little stupid now that he's gone mute, "Do with that what you will. I'm gonna go back…"

You pat your dress down and exhale heavily, trying to steel yourself against both the disappointment and the cold night-air. You've already rejoined the noisy crowd, only a few steps away when you pick up on Seungcheol's voice. 

"--meant nothing…" is all you can pick up so you turn around to find him at an arm's length, muttering something, too low for it to be audible. You say, "What did you say?"

"I said that the photo you saw that day meant nothing. She's Jeonghan's girlfriend and I slept with her once. I also pretended to be into her but only so I could forget about you."

More than anything, you're shocked by the way he emphasizes you, the word coming out stronger than the rest of his explanation, one that does more to soothe your nerves than you realize. But you also don't know what to with this new information, because your brain can't keep up with how much more context there might be to it– Why did he sleep with her if she's with Jeonghan? And why did he look so happy in the photo if it meant nothing?

But tonight isn't about you, it's about Soonyoung and you've made a promise to him. So you tell Seungcheol, "I've gotta get back, Cheol–" the nickname slips out before you've censored yourself. Your face burns but you turn away quickly. "I- See you later."

The crowd is so close to you, just another step or two and you could be lost in the sea of half-familiar faces and probably get caught up in catching up with someone or the other. But if the crowd is close, then Seungcheol is closer to you. 

His hands are on your shoulders, warm heat invading your exposed arms pleasantly when he holds you back with that pained look of his. At this point, you're only partly grounded in your body, floating around when you hear Seungcheol's words to you. "I'm still in love with you, Y/N. Never stopped loving you, to be honest." 

That brings you back to earth with a jerk and you blink at him slowly. "I–" you start and then trail off. Then you start again, now that reality's starting to set again. "I feel the same. Obviously. I tried to move on but– ugh, I still love you." You feel Seungcheol's arm slide down to your elbows and then to find your hands, intertwining your fingers with his like he'd imagined doing ever since he got back to town.

"So we're good?" Seungcheol asks you, licking his lips with a small smile.

"Um, well, what do you mean by that because if– I mean, if we're friends–" You're trying to think of a way to state your thoughts in a self-respectful way when he leans in, lips brushing against your with a soft sigh. Your own breath hitches, especially when Seungcheol's hands come up to cup your face with a gentleness you forgot he could muster. He kisses you, sweet and soft, and when you pull away it's with a stupid grin.

He matches your grin, "Does that make things clear? We're not friends. I want to kiss your face and it would be great if you stopped pretending to date other men–"

The mention of fake-dating has you gasping loudly as you push Seungcheol away hastily, "Fuck, I'm supposed to be with–" You turn around and no doubt, everyone rushes to look away but you know the damage has been done when you hear scattered applause and whistles. The sight is heart-warming to you in a universe where you haven't just fucked up a plan. 

"I messed up big-time," you tell Seungcheol with an exasperated groan. 

The man regards you with thinly-concealed glee, "We kiss and make up but you're complaining because…?"

"Soonyoung! I was supposed to–"

Seungcheol doesn't do anything to help when he leans in to peck your lips again. You scowl at him, "What was that for?"

"Sorry, I just forgot what I was to you for a moment there, what with you going on about another man–"

"Cheol, I just confessed my love to you," you scold him but your ears turn pink, "And you're my boyfriend. So don't forget that. But right now, I need to go find my fake-boyfriend or I'll have blood on my hands–"

You're rushing to spot Soonyoung's head in the crowd when he suddenly appears, much closer than you'd anticipated, probably because he's heading right at you. You start to feel the guilt build up in your throat but then you see the grin he's sporting and the way he's skipping toward you. 

"Soonyoung," you call out, "I'm sorry–" you gesture toward Seungcheol vaguely, "I got a little caught up."

"Ahh, don't worry about it!" the boy chuckles lightly and then crosses his arms like he does when he has something to tell you, "I'm– The plan worked!"

"What?! It did? But I thought–?"

"Yeah, well, one part of the plan was to get you and Seungcheol together?" Soonyoung reminds you with a sly smile. You feel Seungcheol's arm around you as he pipes up, "It was???" You ignore how excited he sounds and narrow your eyes at Soonyoung, "Okay, but we clearly just ruined the whole act! What about–"

"Chaewon got jealous. And then when we spotted you and Seungcheol kissing, she was about to be really mad at you but I explained things to her… and then, she was mad at me but then… um, well, we, you know, kissed it out."

"Soonyoung!" you exclaim, clapping your hands together in relief, "That's great! We don't have to date anymore!" 

Soonyoung laughs at your phrasing but you're busy being wooed by the smitten smile on Seungcheol's face when squeezes your hand, muttering, "You all mine now?" 

– 

Cue star-gazing with Seungcheol. 

It was his idea, one he'd suggested out loud to you over the dinner that was also his idea, the candle between you flickering with your breathless agreement. You were in love with Seungcheol like you'd been for as long as you remember. The break-up, creeping up into your mind thanks to a combination of a lull in your relationship with him and doubts of whether there might be someone else for both of you, seemed like a faraway event already when you resumed your life with him.

"The stars are pretty, aren't they?"

You hum in agreement to Seungcheol, fiddling with his fingers. His laughter bleeds into your body, "You're not even looking up at the sky, baby."

You shift to lay down next to him. "I was!" you defend, "But then I got scared. The stars just make me feel so insignificant. And temporary." Your voice breaks a little, "I don't want temporary."

Seungcheol wraps around you, bringing your face up to his and watching you blink the tears out of yours. "Oh, doll, you're so precious," he huffs out, running a thumb under your eyes, "I love you. Fuck being temporary, okay? I'm going to be with you forever."

"You can't guarantee that though," you mumble out.

"I know I can't. Because I could die before you or like be abducted by the aliens when they inevitably come colonize us. We all know I'd be their first pick."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Y/N, we're still together, even after we broke up," he kisses your cheek to emphasize your togetherness, "We're in love, despite it all. And that seems solid enough to me, you know? The scariest part of going into a relationship is the possibility of separating. But if we've done it before, how bad can it be?"

"What if we break up again?"

"Then we'll figure something out," Seungcheol says, "I know we will. It might not be the same as always but I promise I'll always be a part of your life for as long as I can." 

You sniffle into his shoulder, "I love you. Can you please beg the aliens to take me with you?" 

Seungcheol's laughter resounds through you yet again, a hand brushing your hair lovingly. You were finally wearing your hair down again, and it might've something to do with the way he would find a way to slip the hairtie out of its place. It sits around his wrist now, worn-out but incredibly dear to him. 

"Of course, love, anything for you." 

–  

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

the seungcheol brainrot never stops <3 i hope i've done this seungcheol justice, given what he went through in jeonghan's fic lol... anyway, i'm thinking of writing another part where jeongcheol catch up or something?? may be an interesting collision of worlds... we'll see.

[kaiserposting]

Michael Kaiser, Alexis Ness — Wardrobe Malfunction

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader/Alexis Ness WORD COUNT: 1.6k TYPE: Humor, Clothes Swap NOTE(S): For the purposes of this situation, reader is on the shorter side, and also because I feel like they have the evil of a short person in their soul. Also, same Y/n character as Dog Walking, but you don't need to read that to read this at all!

Despite whatever airs you put on, you like wearing your Bastard München uniform. Mostly because it makes you feel like a big shot professional, which appeals to your sense of self-importance.

You don’t think much of it when you slip on your shirt, but soon enough it becomes apparent to you that something is off. It feels wrong, too loose. And it’s falling down way lower than what you’re used to. You take a few seconds to scrutinize it in between owlish blinks, although the emboldened logo on the front doesn’t aid you in figuring out this mystery.

The easy way to check comes to you soon enough, and you lift your leg to see a traitorous ten in the corner of the shorts instead of your number. A look of horror takes over your face… No… You’re going to get Kaiser’s cooties. He is contaminating you with his germs.

You can already feel them loosening after the movement, and once you put your foot back down, they immediately slide off. With a huff, you grab them from the floor and resolve to strut up to the crux of your dilemma.

When you approach, Kaiser has his back on you, and you immediately notice the big eight, and the wrong name accompanying it. Ness is struggling to fit into the shirt he got, and while his jersey isn’t too ill-fitting on Kaiser, it’s too short, leaving him to fumble with the hem to try and hide the exposed part of his waist.

“It’s just like the pants, I can’t put it on,” Ness cries.

“What do you mean, you can’t put it on?” Kaiser asks before taking a handful of fabric and yanking down with too much force. “See, you can put it on just fine.”

“I can barely move! This is ridiculous-”

Oh, you see how it is now. Are they stupid, though? How have they been talking for so long without pinpointing the problem? You sneak behind Kaiser and reel in your arm before smacking him on the back with the shorts, exerting all of your might.

He lets out a grunt of pain you believe is overdramatized since it can’t have hurt that much, shoulders jerking up. “Whoever did that, I will fucking curb stomp y-” and then, after he whips around and sees you, the threat dies down on his tongue.

“Your dirty pants, sir,” you say in a fake fancy voice before throwing them at his face.

Kaiser flings them away on the bench, narrowing his eyes at you with this weird mix between taunting and adoring. “What the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with you. You’re so cute right now. Let me see.”

With this new positioning, Ness seems to finally realize what happened, too, because he says, “Wait, Kaiser, that’s… m-mine.”

Ignoring him, Kaiser steps around to examine you, and his ugly grin that you can’t stand grows even wider somehow when he reads his name. His name that’s on you because you’re wearing his jersey. “Holy shit.”

“You look like an imp.”

He disregards you with ease, too — you have to admit he’s good at this ‘only hearing what he wants to hear’ stuff — and opens his locker to rummage through it. Ness says, “You’re- you’re wearing Kaiser’s? That’s so unfair.”

“Yeah, and you’re wearing mine. Stand proud. You’re blessed. Millions would kill to be in your place. Everyone’s gonna wear this merch in the future, but you get the real thing.”

“You seriously live in la-la-land, it’s unbelievable.”

You spin your finger in the air, seeming way too pleased with yourself. “Do a little twirl for me, I wanna see how it looks on you all around.”

“I will NOT be doing that,” Ness denies with a huff. He’s so uptight when it comes to anyone who’s not Kaiser. Someone would’ve thought you have gangrene or that you asked him to clean roadkill off the street or something with the way he’s acting.

What Kaiser was searching for in such a rush turns out to have been his phone, you come to find out when he starts taking pictures of you without even a modicum of shame. Multiple of them, if the repetitive pressing he’s doing is indicative of anything.

“Don’t point your phone at me, you sick fuck,” you say, reaching out to cover the lens.

Your efforts go in vain, since he just lifts it up high where you can’t reach and continues. “No way. You’re just way too cute right now. I mean, shit.”

Mocking you aside, there’s this thinly-veiled wonder on his face, and it’s making you want to vomit because of course he’d be the type to get a kick out of stupid shit like this. He’s so fucking lucky, too, it’s pissing you off. Among the three of you, he’s the only one who’s kind of in presentable condition.

Once you come close to swatting the device out of his grasp with a jump, Kaiser presses his palm to your face and shoves you away, keeping you at an arm’s length. Then he diverts his attention to Ness, snapping photos of him now and laughing. “You look stupid as hell.”

“Nooo, Kaiser, don’t! Stop!” Ness says, red-faced, to absolutely no avail.

He even takes a few steps back and does a bad job of covering his stomach with his hands while inching towards the bench, which… he makes a genuine attempt at ducking under. This doesn’t deter Kaiser from continuing his paparazzi session or whatever it is that he’s doing, nor does it conceal Ness from view.

You detach your cheek from Kaiser’s hold and announce, “Don’t worry, Ness, I’m gonna save you from the vile pig,” before you take an unnecessary leap and stick your fingers where the shirt is riding up, tickling his sides.

This startles him enough to let go of his phone (the apparatus of evil), sending it flying. You at least have enough decency to catch it, since you’re not really above letting it shatter either. Then you start scrolling through it with the intention of deleting the photos.

It doesn’t take Kaiser long to recover from your attack, and when he does, he reaches out to you. You assume he’s just trying to get his phone, so you kind of twist around to try and prevent him from doing so, but what he does is much worse.

He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you into him before collapsing his stupid ass on the bench (which, at this point, has witnessed many horrors), leaving you to sit on his lap. Then — as if this isn’t offensive enough already — he rests his chin on your shoulder.

“God, you’re such a touch-starved freak, it’s actually appalling.”

“You probably won’t look this good in your life ever again.” You roll your eyes at the stupid comment, and he starts tapping the screen along with you, and he even has the nerve to snicker. “I needed to be opportunistic.”

“Whatever, man.”

The weird battle results in a lot of random apps opening and closing, until eventually the gallery comes up on accident. With a feeling of triumph, you slap his hand away, so he won’t get in your way anymore. There you see the long string of pictures depicting Ness’s progression towards hiding under the bench, which, in your opinion, would make a great slideshow. Next are the images featuring you, where you’re looking up at him and struggling to even graze the phone, swiping your fists at thin air. Wow, you never thought you’d see your Great and Almighty Self from such a… pitiful perspective.

Before you can mope about how vertically challenged you are, however, something else catches your eye, and you burst out laughing, borderline dry-heaving from the acuteness of it. “What-”

Kaiser flusters and snatches his phone out of your fingers before pushing you up and away from him. This, for better or for worse, doesn’t wipe your memory or make you unsee the comically large amount of shirtless mirror selfies he has accumulated.

Despite your stumbling, you don’t fall. “How did you always manage to make the exact same pose and exact same expression in every single one of them?! Seriously. That’s spine-chilling.” You pretend to wipe a tear, even if it’s not that funny.

Kaiser doesn’t respond and turns around to toss his phone back to wherever he got it from. Ness — whose presence you kind of forgot about — deems it safe enough to stand up and reemerge. He asks, “What? What did you see?”

“His shrine of himself,” you say. “By the way, I think he’s a stripper.”

“I’m not a stripper,” argues Kaiser as if there was a possibility Ness might believe you.

For the first time, it’s Ness who is pretending Kaiser didn’t say anything. “Did you delete them?”

“No.”

He slumps, disheartened.

You make your way behind him. “Alright, let’s switch back,” you say, rolling up the material of your jersey. Surprisingly Ness accepts the help without any complaints and just accommodates you with a high raise of his hands.

You’re nearing the biggest problem area — his shoulders — when Kaiser deems it fit to intervene. “Ness, bend over. You’re taking too long.”

He does as told and Kaiser, for some godforsaken, idiotic reason, hooks his fingers inside of the collar. But you don’t see that since you’re trying to focus on your part, so instead you just comment on his willingness, “Slutty.”

“S-Shut up- Oh my god, don’t pull like that, what if it tears?!”

“It’s not going to tear.”

This exchange alarms you somewhat, so you shift your gaze to Kaiser, and what greets you is the sight of him tugging on the collar, trying to hoist it over Ness’s head. Your eye twitches. “If you damage mine, I’m gonna make good use of yours. Naturally what I mean by this is that I’ll use it as toilet paper.”

“It’s not going to tear,” repeats Kaiser, yanking harder. Apparently your collective lack of faith in him is vexing him.

… You hear a rip.

___

Happy valentine's day (I wrote this yesterday i was with my boyfriend today lol. He's american so he thinks valentine's day is a real holiday)

[studentbyday]

week 1. a stuttering start.

i can't believe autumn is already approaching. i feel like i haven't done much to truly live on my own terms this year... (the majority of my time was spent either chained to my desk, living the studying hermit life as usual, or...and this is a new one for this era of my life, feeling like a child following the real adults around on my travels which @zzzzzestforlife documents way better tbh. the travels, that is...)

in addition i've been feeling very unmotivated and numb this school year. even more so than usual. i've never been as zesty as...well, Zesty when it comes to new school years, but it has slowly been getting worse since i started uni and i think i'm getting dangerously close to falling off some cliff i'll later realize was an important cliff to not fall off of. do you get what i mean? i'm only speaking vaguely because i myself do not quite know.

i oscillate between wanting to be extraordinary and extra ordinary. i have fallen back into bad habits, which do not set a good precedent. and overall i feel lost. so so lost that i started reading designing your life. and dulled by the isolation of school i can hardly focus. it's not a new problem, i've just finally been able to put words to it after all these years. engaging and/or cathartic verbal conversation brings me back to life, whether i'm listening or speaking, but i don't get enough of that in my daily life...this is just a very weird mundane state to be in. don't get me wrong, i was relieved to get back to this life with a very predictable pattern after the hectic-ness of travel, but something about it always felt off and i almost can't believe that only now i've realized why.

anyway, feelings pass. and i have overcome the jet lag, so i am that much more energized (and perhaps a little more desperate) to bulldoze through this problem.

Study:

Read/skimmed all the syllabi for anything new (much of it is the same year-to-year as they're all courses in the same faculty and i am resigned to the fact that there will be weighty group work in at least one course out of every year)

Caught up on course announcements

Finished microbiology module for this week (hmmm i read like half of this module last year when i attempted and then dropped this course so it wasn't the most interesting the second time around but i think it'll get better as i get to the new stuff and the nitty-gritty details 🔬 mwahahaha 🦠 i also decided last minute to make flashcards for these and had to transfer my notes to anki. i wish there weren't so many isolated facts or similar but distinct processes i need to remember.)

Made flashcards for half of this week's immunology content (seems to be a memorization-heavy course and i think i really need the active recall since i barely remember the pre-req info 😅 luckily they review it in the module... 🤭)

Reviewed some of the flashcards made this week

Worked on (but didn't finish) global health slides for this week (i'm...not entirely sure what i should be taking notes on or how because...this all seems either very common sense or kind of..."woo-woo" based on my way of understanding the world...but ig that's my own biases talking? i hope they'll just test us on the common sense stuff. that will be easier for my brain 🥴)

Around half of pathology slides are left from this week (probably the most work intensive course i'm taking rn based on the timeline 😵 but also it's shaping up to be my favorite subject this semester because the modules are so well designed AND it's large processes or, even if it's smaller concepts, they're all connected to each other so i don't need flashcards!...i think! i can just pull on the thread of memory and it all unspools (...ideally...)!)

Wrote down due dates for all assessments this semester

Other life things: (yeah idk what to call this section)

I became a 6AM girlie!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Unpacked

Washed my water bottle

Caught up with a friend 💗

Health:

Yoga x2

Journalled x2

Early morning walk in nature x1 (the air smelled so so fresh i was so glad i went out...and even gladder that i went out when i did because after that the air quality got super bad from wildfire smoke 🥺)

Pilates x1 (i made it! in 2 split sessions, but still! and i feel great!!! 😃 i'm so glad i found this channel because she explains the moves in a way that i can get it even with my bad coordination 😅 she also goes slowly and there is no annoying workout music so i can completely focus on the movements and how they feel, it's perfect. 😊)

Music in My Head:

Blue Danube Waltz (OG piano version)

Treat People With Kindness

On the Sunny Side of the Street

Hikaru Nara (the perfect song for my current ambivalent mood because the whole theme of the anime, which is reflected in the sound of this arrangement, is the need to reignite your spark for the things that mean something to you and make the absolute most of it because life is short)

a few dark academia playlists that i put on loop to study to (links under the cut) (somehow the ones with new age music are the only ones i can listen to...light/quiet enough that it doesn't interrupt my thoughts but intense and melodic enough that it puts me in the mood to focus 😅)

[brainjvice]

Yapping about Kainess breakup

Kaiser was at his gentlest with Ness during his breakup and it was so fucked up for him.

Do I think it could've been worse? Yes. Do I still think it's still cruel for him to let Ness go this way? Absolutely.

See, Kaiser has never actually been nice to Ness: he was either mean or neutral towards him, calling him loser since day one (you have a way with words, Michael...).

The only other moment where Kaiser was "gentle" with Ness was in the hair cutting scene. I don't know how authentic Kaiser was being because we miss his pov. My theory about it is that it was some sort of last trial for Ness, to see if he really was the obedient dog that Kaiser spotted months (weeks?) prior.

It was less about trust and more about control. See how much Ness is willing to do for him. I think his first attempt for this was when he asked him to wash his hair in the shower scene. Kaiser was testing how much he could take from Ness without giving anything back.

He never planned to return Ness' "love", because Kaiser himself does Not see that as affection. It's something taken for granted, like the unconditional love you expect your dog to give you even if you neglect it.

Also Kaiser does not see Ness as a person, nor as something valuable. He does not see him "at his level", as a peer. Of course he would never want that type of love. Kaiser would probably feel love only if it's from someone he considers valuable. Someone he's at the same level on his imaginary hyerarchy.

On the other hand, we have Ness. Ness, who has poured his own whole identity into Kaiser. Kaiser is the centre of his world. The reason he is still playing football, his magic.

He's also someone he's projected onto like crazy.

Ness has never heard anything gentle come from Kaiser's mouth until that very moment. And then Kaiser shatters it all in the cruelest way possible.

I think the kindness he reserved to Ness was a vile way to let him down. See, if Kaiser had kept following his malicious pattern, for Ness it would've been easier to cope. But no, he chose to be kind and it's a slap right into Ness' face.

The words Kaiser deliver carry a double message. On one side, he's grateful for Ness, on another he's breaking up their friendship.

From Ness' pov, this is atrocious to witness. Because now what? Ness can be angry at Kaiser, hate him even, but he'd always feel guilty deep down, due to that sparkle of kindness Kaiser has shown to him.

I think I'd convey this sensation better using an example: imagine your (asshole) partner is breaking up with you and they do it by saying "I love what we had and you made me grow as a person, but I don't want you in my life anymore because I found someone else and it's different" or smt like that which makes you feel used. Like Ness gave everything to Kaiser, and Kaiser barely thanked him before moving on. Which leaves Ness with what? Nothing. Exactly. Not even an excuse to explode and be angry because of how "sweet" those words were for him. It's like Kaiser stunned him with a kiss before hitting him with a baseball bat. Like damn just use an axe next time jeez.

I think Ness will DEFINITELY have withdrawal symptoms after their separation is complete. Textbook withdrawal symptoms. Baby boy will struggle a LOT, and the fact he's all alone now? Without any support network? Damn.

Anyway from Kaiser's pov it makes sense and to him it's not even manipulative and he Is actually being kind. This is because, given that he sees Ness as a tool, he is just basically firing him from his job position. Like yeah you served me well but now I don't need you anymore so go serve someone else. Kaiser has no empathy nor shows any guilt and he's never attached himself to Ness as a person. To him it's like changing a pair of shoes, he's like "aw these don't fit anymore... anyway!" before discarding them away.

Is it cruel? Maybe. But given his backstory, his antisocial personality and his narcissistic traits... it makes sense for him to act this way.

((There's much more I could yap about but I'm gonna stop here and maybe make another post.))

[gachagon]

Oh so that's what everyone was freaking out for 😭 tbh I have been saying since day 1 that Kaiser doesn't actually care about Ness and that he really has just been keeping him around to literally use him. But I won't act like Ness isn't going along with it or that on some level he doesn't know. I think Ness does know and just doesn't care because being next to Kaiser for any reason or excuse is still good even if Kaiser doesn't have the same level of obsession as Ness holds.

However I think we're getting close to seeing Kaiser really lose it and Noa knows it too.

However just what that rock bottom will look like and what else it'll take for him to really go that far down is a mystery to me. It could be Ness joining Isagi, it could be him not scoring another goal this game etc.

I think Kaiser's inability to understand other people's kindness and compassion makes it impossible for him to really change just because Ness cares about him. He's gonna have to get an ego that's more sustainable if he wants to continue his career.

This chapter reminded me of a few things but most notable was when Kaiser was remembering how it felt to make other people lose and fall into despair because he was the reason their dreams were crushed. That part really reminded me of Isagi and Niko's game and how Isagi admitted to himself that he didn't care if winning meant the other team losing everything in the process because the feeling of victory itself is too good and rewarding.

I think it really just hammers home how similar Kaiser and Isagi really are because they both really do think of soccer in the same way.

This chapter also brings that ancient question from Snuffy back up. "What are you without football?"

And I think Kaiser knows that without the game he truly has nothing, no plan, no ambitions. His goal to make everyone in the soccer world hate him by proxy of him winning all of the games is egotistical, but being better doesn't mean people will hate you, so his goal is short sighted and something that won't last long.

Now I'm going to say something that I think might be controversial to some people.

Okay here it goes.

I don't think Isagi hates Kaiser. I think Isagi is completely neutral towards him and even understands his intensity on some level and THAT is the issue between them. I think it's both a combination of Isagi and Kaiser being too similar (which in turn means Isagi is in Kaiser's head and vice versa) but that Isagi doesn't hate Kaiser at all and holds no real animosity towards him, even though Kaiser has made his displeasure of Isagi very obvious.

Really think about it too, because Kaiser has done SO many things that would normally piss anyone off. His motivation to make people hate him because it's the only way he really understands how to socialize with people, puts his first meeting with Isagi into perspective. The whole "calling him Yoichi" thing even after Isagi corrects him, constantly getting in Isagi's personal space even after Isagi openly says "hey you're kinda close...", even during the first little scrimmage between them when Kaiser openly steals the ball and looks to Isagi like he expects Isagi to blow up at him and be absolutely pissed. It all points to Kaiser deliberately trying to rile Isagi up and foster some resentment in Isagi.

But instead Isagi has done nothing but continue to hold the same kind of "hate" that he has for Kaiser that he holds for the rest of his rivals. Yeah Isagi isn't afraid to talk shit but off the field? He acts completely indifferent to it all, as if Kaiser doesn't get under his skin when he's not playing the game which kind of shocks me.

I feel like out of the many rivals that Isagi has, Kaiser is the one who has tried the hardest to be the absolute bane of his existence and it just isn't working at all. Kaiser is annoying and a nuisance and an all around jerk when playing. And Isagi understands that totally and still it doesn't bother him.

He's not thinking of how much he hates Kaiser and is treating Kaiser like a person. A human being with thoughts and feelings. And Kaiser doesn't understand why at all because he truly has just been nothing but a huge asshole this entire time 😭 And we know from this very chapter that Kaiser doesn't understand why anyone would treat him in that way since he's never been treated like that at all. He doesn't know how to have a normal relationship with people at all or how to have a healthy rivalry with Isagi, and Isagi doesn't care about any of that and still decides to treat him like he would any other player on the field who's got amazing skill.

And I think what really drives this home is that Isagi has also admired Kaiser's skill in football in a way where he wants to learn. Isagi knows that Kaiser is extremely talented at the game and that he could pull things off Isagi couldn't even dream of. The admiration is different from the kind most people have given Kaiser because unlike Ness, Isagi hasn't centered Kaiser to such a total degree that he's the only thing keeping him going and unlike the other players on the field Isagi isn't driven by jealousy.

He knows when people are better at him and instead of breeding hatred in him, he wants to get closer to these people, he wants to ask their advice and for them to help him get better. Think about all the times he's just straight up gone to Rin and Kunigami and Barou for advice on what to do even though it's clear they think very poorly of him 😭

So if it's not malice that drives Isagi and it isn't Jealousy and it's not obsession, then what DOES drive Isagi Yoichi? That's what Kaiser can't figure out because Isagi isn't like the other hundreds of players that he's gone up against, and Isagi doesn't treat him like every other player does.

Really this is the best chapter we've gotten in terms of Kaiser more and how he thinks and how he got this way. It makes me want more chapters just so I can see how he comes with losing so completely and getting treated like a human being from a guy he fucking hates.

[themaster72]

ALRIGHT WHAT IS PROMISED IS A DEBT, LOVEWEB HYPERFIXATIONS GO! in this episode: "details"

MANON WITH [circle with all but upper left quadrant black] EYES FOR GLOW IS CANON! (yeah, i definitively predicted it, and im definitively taking all credit for a casuality while looking like an idiot, spaking of, where is the punchline of this jok-)

now we have credits for the VAs of loveweb! i wanted to say thank you for making the peeps feel so alive! (i could really feel the... "non-bynary..ness? yeah thats a word now" on manon!)

"fake" miku and gondola are back! that was a nice callback to the other episodes! (my guess is that miku plays spy because of the suit n tie, and gondola plays soldier because it likes to fly around using the rocket launcher)

does he know? (and does he like sam and max?)

manon is a pyro main? not confirmed but i theorize it could be because of pyro-vision, i mean, come on, i cant be the only one who thinks that, right?

ok lets take a break its just... wow, that... got emotional for a moment... but i like this, cybermare had to take an "edgy older sister" moment in order to solve things out, which was cool to see, as based as she is, we all commit mistakes, and i understand having something so dear to you getting massacred and neglected by its creator (anyone remembers angry birds? wait im derailing here-) also the part where she didnt want manon to take things personaly but the misunderstanding happened... yeah that my whole life, and it sucks, so im at least glad that had a little bit of cover on that, alongside being able to talk things out peacefully and understanding the viewpoint of the other person, i feel like thats something that is slowly being lost as internet goes further into its existence and in real life too! seriouslly its not so hard explaining why you think like you think in a non-agressive way folks!

and to finish... "oh! I know you don't like being touched so this is how i show affection!" i swear this freaking cat is autistic in some way WHY AM I PROYECTING OVER THIS

so yeah i really liked this new episode! it has a bit of everything and covers tf2 from all angles like it promised! i learned some stuff! (and i might aswell try team fortress 2 classic and open fortress, they seem fun! i really need to practice my aim...) so yeah, thank you for everything shadok!

[savepc2023]

Do they have rizz?

🤨📸

Robin: Yes. A hundred times yes. Students see them walking by and they swoon. Specifically, they've got that 'girl/boy next door' rizz. Everyone (and by everyone I mean the more wholesome of the bunch because let's be honest most of them are downright nasty) wants to kiss their dimples.

Whitney: Well... yes and no? They have charisma, but it's more of aaaaa uh. Like they make an lasting impression. And maybe if they were nice they'd be somewhat on par with Robin. But they're not so all they got going for them is they're rough and sexy and people are into that. But in terms of romance? Hell no. No one wants to get with them like that.

Pure Sydney: Yes but to only a select few: The ones that have a certain type, which iiiis 'pure awkward baby girl/boy that is considered a role model'. Because to be honest if you're not one of those people you'd probably be a little scared and a bit annoyed of sydney tbh. Especially if you're a bit of a mischievous student bc what if they tell on you or smth??? nah. And plus they have a killer glare that just screams 'gtfo my way'.

Corrupted Sydney: The rizziest of them all. The rizzanator. The rizzly bear. The three rizzketeers. They are so hot and for what. With proper communication with pc (if they're dating), they openly flirt with literally everyone. Innuendos thrown into the air and suggestive pick up lines whispered huskily....lord. But that's about as far as it goes, they love leaving people hot and bothered just to sneak off with you to tickle your neck with kisses.

Kylar: Hear me out. Hear me out. Now you might think they have ZERO rizz and YOU'RE RIGHT. THEY HAVE ZERO. ZILCH. NADA. BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT GIVES THEM RIZZ. THEY'RE PATHETIC AND SOME PEOPLE(me) LOVE THAT. Except the people that take an interest in them are too afraid to approach them lest they transfer some of his encounters with bullies to themself. Either that or it's purely sexual like they just want to fuck them and toss them aside.

Avery: N.....no. They're hot as fuck, don't get me wrong but that's....about where it ends. Unlike Whitney, nobody even wants to fuck them because uhhh bad attitude. Also most of the town seems to be into obedient subs? So yeah. Like their arrogance, their bitchy-ness, their pride and how pretentious they come across..........ew. But yeah, no bitches no rizz and definitely no head. (I'd still peg them tho)

Eden: No. He looks hot but he's too scary for that to give anyone confidence to strut up to him. Also there's almost no one to rizz up when you're living deep inside the woods in a cabin. There's a reason the only time he got a bitch was because they developed stockholm syndrome.

Alex: Yes<3 Similar to Robin in a way but unlike with them when people feel at ease and comfortable, with Alex you feel energized. Like you just wanna fuckinf chase eachother and end up tackling the other and just make out in the open. Like oughhh he is so sexy and cute. Save a horse, ride a farmer.

[queer-reader-07]

a love letter to trans romance

because i can't be normal about media and i'm making it y'all's problems

hi hello and welcome to my mildly unhinged ramblings about love and gender. this post comes to you in three sections, enjoy <3

--

t4t romance novels made me believe in love again

the first romance book i ever read was The Feeling of Falling in Love by Mason Deaver. TFOFIL is a t4t (trans for trans) romance that follows a teenage trans boy, Neil Kearney, and a figuring-out-their-gender teen, Wyatt Fowler, as they get themselves wrapped up in peak YA romcom shenaniganary and eventually fall in love. cute, right? just a fun little romcom, not much more to it?

yeah well that's what i thought going in, but coming out of that book i was in tears. tears because i'd never read a story about trans love before. tears because at that point in my life i'd never allowed myself to fully claim the word "trans." tears because Wyatt made me feel so seen and so real.

there's this one scene where Wyatt is talking to Neil and they describe themself as being the kind of person who sometimes wants to wear makeup and dresses, but other times they like their body hair and scruffy beard. and i just remember nodding along and then absolutely melting because Neil takes it in stride, he comforts Wyatt and let's them know that they don't need to have it figured out just yet. Neil makes it clear that he's there, and that Wyatt doesn't need to come out to anyone unless they're ready.

Mason Deaver has another t4t romance, Okay, Cupid. and that similarly had me in my feels because there is something so special about finding people who embrace you for all that you are.

every t4t romance I've read has one thing in common, the fact that the love interests do not love each despite the other's transness. their transness is not an obstacle to love or to attraction or to adoration, it is an object of it. their transness is something to be admired and to be loved and to be cared for. it is not something the other has to "get over."

reading The Feeling of Falling in Love was the first time i ever thought to myself "maybe, just maybe, i can call myself trans and still be loved." because up until that point i hadn't let myself accept that i was some flavor of trans. up until that point i'd said "not cis" without ever saying trans because i was so scared my being trans would make me unlovable. t4t romance books showed me how wrong i was. they showed me that my ability to be loved was not dependent on my girlhood.

ha you thought i could write something this long on tumblr and NOT mention good omens? think again bestie

i have held a trans reading of crowley since i read the book and the show only solidified it for me. crowley canonically plays with gender.

he's dressed femme during the crucifixion scene, his modern look is a mix of men's and women's pieces, his hair is a Whole Thing in and of itself. i could go on but i digress.

but it's not just the way he plays with gender that informs my trans reading of him. it's also how his character arc can very easily be read as an allegory for transness.

an angel who falls (a girl who isn't a girl anymore)

a fallen angel turned demon (a girl who is a boy now)

a demon who isn't really a demon anymore (a used to be girl, a thought to be boy, is now nonbinary)

girl = angel and boy = demon is entirely arbitrary in this please don't read into it

now, you may be thinking "A how in god's name does this apply to trans romance?" to which i say, aziraphale falls in love with every version of crowley. aziraphale beams heart eyes at angel!crowley before the beginning and loves crowley as a demon for millennia and is so deeply and unabashedly in love with crowley in his not-quite-demon form of s2.

aziraphale loves all the versions of crowley because crowley's angel or demon-ness (gender) is not the reason aziraphale loves crowley. aziraphale doesn't love crowley because he's a demon or because he used to be an angel, aziraphale loves crowley because it's crowley. crowley in whatever clothes he chooses to where, crowley with whatever hairstyle he's fancying at the moment, crowley as he inhabits the shades of grey just a little more.

to me, that is so easy to read as a trans love story. you could argue it's t4t depending on how you read aziraphale, but to me, it's at the very least a love story between a mostly-demon who gets down to some gender fuckery and an angel who loves him very much.

fuck it let's talk about fanfiction

i don't think i could make this post without mentioning @ineffabildaddy's fic I'm Beginning to See the Light.

i have a complicated relationship with my body. i don't plan to ever medically transition because i don't want to make any permanent changes to my body. but there are days where all i want is to have a flat chest and hips that are flush with the rest of my body but instead i'm stuck with tits and an hourglass figure cis people always seem to focus on.

i don't hate my body, but the idea that anyone could look at it and not just see A Woman is beyond me. i walk through life being perceived as a very feminine woman even on the days that i feel the most androgynous. the idea that a lover could look at my body and still see me for who i am feels like a dream that could never happen.

and IBTSTL slapped me (lovingly) across the face with the message that, actually, i can be loved as my whole self and that there are people out there who don't look at me and see A Woman and those people don't love me any less. IBTSTL made me feel safe in my trans body because it said "you are worthy of love and adoration because your transness is not something to get past it is something to admire. it is something to love."

--

i think the point i'm trying to make here is this: trans love stories are so special to me. they've been so vital in my own journey to love and accept myself. they're the reason i can imagine myself maybe having romantic love in the future.

representation matters, it can quite literally change your life.

[panlight]

I feel there's just so much wrong with the entire imprinting concept in the Twilight books.

The concept of never being able to say no or essentially make your own decisions because of the girl/whoever you imprinted almost sounds like a romanticized version of domestic abuse. Google describes it as "pattern incidents of controlling, coercive, degrading and violent behavior, etc". Now the threatening wouldn't be necessary because they literally don't have any choice or say in the matter. The entire idea of obsession and doing whatever pleases the person I've imprinted on sounds degrading, that you're now longer you're own person capable of making you're own choices. I find this ironic because SM literally tells us the underlying theme of these books is about choice. None of the wolves have a choice. They didn't choose to be wolves (shape shifters), they don't choose who they imprint on and they definitely don't choose what they get to do after imprinting. Did SM find it all romantic? Because everytime it's mentioned it just gives me the ick. The wolves are my favorite characters in the books and seeing them being forced into all this is so annoyinggg! They deserved SO much better.

Also, it shocks me that after all the success SM gained from tts that she didn't donate a penny to the Quileute tribe. It's super disappointing.

Oh, yeah, with you 100% on imprinting. I've never found it romantic. It reads as straight-up horror to me. Who even ARE you if you don't have free will? If you have to be whatever someone else needs? And beyond that it just feels fake and empty to me. Sam loved Leah. When he had a choice, he chose Leah. Magic overruled him and picked Emily instead. Why am I supposed to think his love for Emily is the 'real' love?

I get that the fantasy is supposed to be from the imprintee's POV, the fantasy of having this guy who is 100000% devoted to you, will never leave you, you never have to worry about cheating, he is there for you and will do whatever you want or need him to do. But that's not . . . that's not like a person who loves you, that's like a robot programmed to fulfill your wishes. For me, there's no real love without choice. This dude isn't choosing to show up for you every day if he has no other choice. It feels fake and arbitrary. Like a love potion, like Cupid's arrow.

And hell yes, the lack of choice with the wolves is a pattern and a really unsettling one given that she chose to make these characters Indigenous and tie their wolf-ness to that identity. They don't get to choose to be wolves, they don't get to choose who they love, within those relationships they have no agency and have to be/do whatever their partner wants, and then there's also the Alpha Order! They can literally be forced to obey, no choice there either. Again, this is straight up horror stuff. Loss of free will, loss of identity. That whole passage when Jacob imprints on Nessie is the stuff of nightmares to me. Everything that Jacob cared about, everything that made him who he was, is cut away and he is bound to a half-vampire baby instead. And now he has to keep phasing forever to stay immortal with her. To paraphrase Rosalie: this isn't the life he would have chosen for himself.

There are ways in which Twilight vampires get a raw deal too (when I'm sick and have a sore throat it's like, the Worst, so dealing with that forever and on a supernatural scale sounds horrific) but they still have CHOICES. Carlisle had the free will and agency to run to the forest and starve himself as a newborn. Rosalie had the will to kill her attackers without drinking their blood. Edward chose to leave Bella for a time when we're told Jacob spending any real time away from Nessie would be impossible because of the imprint. The vampires may have to FIGHT their nature sometimes, but SM lets them win more often than not. Carlisle can be a doctor; the Denali sisters can sleep with humans; Edward can resist Bella's blood; Bella can be the best newborn ever and not kill her dad. But the only time a shifter character is allowed to fight his nature is when Jacob defies Sam to break off and form his own pack, and that's only because of the loophole that Jacob was himself the rightful alpha. No one else has that option. Leah has to choose between allowing Sam or Jake to have alpha power over her.

Which is all why I thought Jacob's whole thing would be fighting an imprint. It would be so in character for him and such a good parallel to the vegetarian vampires fighting their thirst. I wanted to see Jacob say 'no, I don't care what destiny says, I will make my own path.' And you know if SM had had him imprint on literally anyone BUT Nessie or Bella she would have written about him fighting it! It would have been so cool! But no, because ultimately this is Bella's fantasy life, and part of her happily ever after is keeping Jacob around literally forever even though HE wouldn't have chosen an immortal life with the Cullens like Bella did.

[baldwinboy5ive]

I've been talking to several different folks about how nervous I am about where they're going to go with Hawk and Demetri at the end of the season... I eventually decided I might as well jot some of it down here to see if my feelings change when I see how it all ultimately plays out at the very end.

First, I have already gone ON AND ON at length about this with some friends and don't think this part needs to be expanded on here, but - I find it kind of astonishing that the writing for their fight right now is actually realistic. I think it's pretty good writing and I am actually really okay with it, and it MAKES SENSE to me.

That's... kind of the problem, haha. It makes sense. And it's realistic.

It's realistic for best friends - even REALLY REALLY CLOSE best friends - to go to different colleges and/or drift apart because of college.

But this is TV Land and I don't want that particular variety of realistic for these particular two characters. I just don't. I think I just want them to be together forever.

They could even write that and have it be kind of bittersweet and still be a happy ending where they stay friends or whatever but I'm not sure if I want that.

Honestly if I wanted to see a beautiful portrayal of a somewhat realistic in theme, if not in actual events, separation of friends because of high school graduation, and the melancholy acceptance of that separation knowing that your friendship will NEVER be the same after this no matter how much you wish it could be because people change so much in college, then goddammit I'd watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off, not Cobra Kai!!! Look, just let me have my stupid happy ending in Cobra Kai, because Ferris Bueller already did that perfectly and I don't want to see it in this hahaahahah I just want them to be unrealistically together forever and ever hahaha. Okay?!

See, Ferris Bueller was unrealistic in its wacky hijinks-ness... but it was PAINFULLY realistic in its presentation of the fears of individuality and growing up and growing apart from your friends and the inevitable big changes that happen in people's lives as they grow from childhood to adulthood...

Yeah, I'm just not sure I want that for them haha, I just want them together forever.

I have to credit @blinkasaurus though for GIVING me the Secret Third Option: by telling me that, because MIT and Harvard are not only affiliated but also incredibly physically close to each other, students at one can actually take certain classes at the other. I had no idea. I found out they're literally like two miles from each other. That's like, a brisk walk, or a short motorcycle ride, or, as she also pointed out to me, TWO SUBWAY STOPS.

I think that Demetri, being a west coast kid AND on top of that being so focused on only one dream school for his life, could easily just not know about these schools being so physically close. I mean, I knew they were in the same general area but not THAT close. And certainly not that thing about taking classes at the other.

So, hey, if this is how it works out, then it could really work for Eli because I think it's not the school, i think it's the fact that they both have changed so much since they made their "we're going to both go to MIT together" pact that he isn't sure he's that same person anymore and he has to figure out his individuality and how to be on his own. Maybe this way, he gets to strike it on his own, while still going to A Smart Person School (as @demetriandelibinaryboyfriends puts it hahah), possibly even The Smart Person School.

Demetri is dismayed to find out they’ll be going to different schools… but then not really! They’d literally be so close they could even just room with each other after their first year in the dorms or something. Which is exactly something I wrote about before this season aired.

I do kind of feel like it IS so different over there. Things are just so spread out in CA. I could absolutely see two friends going to, say, UCLA and USC and not being able to see each other frequently. But this would be different. They really could still be together.

It would practically still feel like them getting to go to the same school, with neither of them feeling abandoned by the other, while still feeling like they got to do what they wanted to do.

I don't know if I can cope with this being them.

This whole day was many things, about which many, many folks have written far better than I could, but one of them was the looming, impending knowledge that Ferris would eventually have to accept, that things were going to change. And maybe not for the better, because who knows? But that would be for another day.

I'm just not sure I really want or need Eli and Demetri to have to go through that!

[koukouture]

I didn't know you were also a ffxiv fan!! If you have any thoughts on yandere ffxiv characters, I would LOVE to hear them.

Like, zenos is obvious, but I totally have some thoughts on others 👀👀

YES YANDERES YESYESYESYESSSSSSS

Yandere Haurchefant is hopelessly devoted to you. Sure it's not super different from regular Haurchefant who is Down Bad™ for WOL but I think here it becomes more of an obsession. Is he capable of holding you down? No, you're the Warrior of Light for twelve's sake. He couldn't lock you away if he tried. His resolve? Be around you 24/7. And I MEAN 24/7 365 12 months a year. Bro worships the ground you walk on and I really do think he would have joined the Scions if you know... the Vault didn't happen. Having his devotion might be a blessing or a curse, bc he is NOT letting you out of his sight. Attachment issues fr fr. Honestly I don't think he'd do anything super insane. Like yeah he'd kill for you, but he'd do that normally. And he's not doing it just bc he wants to or whatever. If you're ever threatened or god forbid, hurt- someone is going to taste the steel of his blade. Yandere Haurchefant is just regular Haurchefant with a little added insanity and unhinged-ness. Maybe he's extra horny too, bit of a pervert that one.

Now, Yandere Aymeric is giving me many thoughts thanks to this fic called Captivate so though I am a firm subscriber to the idea that literally only Zenos might be able to lock up WOL, I can also make an exception to Aymeric because of this fic. Please read it this changed my feelings for Aymeric. Though, Aymeric locking you up would also require him to have a sadistic streak, which he doesn't really have and this fic itself also feels like an AU where Aymeric actually caved in and became a piece of shit due to his upbringing. However, my personal idea for Yandere Aymeric is that via his political power, he pushes you to be with him. Of course, he only does this if you reject his advances at first. He would 100% find a way to force you in a semi-political marriage with him. Like I said before, no one can hold WOL down, but, he can keep you on a leash. No matter how long, he can always reel you back in if he wants to. I think he would harbor a bit of guilt personally. Like, he knows it's unhealthy, he knows it's hurting you- but he just wants you so damn bad. And he tries to make it up to you with gifts and whatnot, but at the end of the day, your collar, no matter how gilded and comfortable, is still a collar. And the Lord Commander had the leash.

[hercarisntyours]

I hope you know your hadestown au has ruined me

“what does he care for the logic of kings, the laws of your underworld / it is only for love that he sings” has ALWAYS been Orion Pax coded to me

it's ruined me aswell dw, if I have to suffer with this so does everyone else /hj

UGHHH THAT'S SO ORION because what DOES he care 😭 I could go on and ONNNN about how orion coded orpheus and just how, hadestown and tf go hand in hand; ESPECIALLY NOW THEY'RE ALL PRETTY MUCH CANNONICALLY MINERS. Genuinely. This au has been living in my head rent free since about the time rotb came out I can't lie, when ever I would hear for example doubt comes in I couldn't help but imagine orion with that, that's how much I connect orion and orpheus LIKE HE WOULD GO TO THE WELL OF ALLSPARKS TO GET ARIEL BACK. HE WOULD MOVE WALLS AND GODS TO DO SO. all while inspiring the opressed to stand up to they're opressors, and now those thoughts are just hightened x100 with tfone orion. Even when I went to see hadestown, I came out thinking about how, tragically Orion and Ariel it is. "Have I made myself their lord, just to fall upon the sword; of some paupers minor chord" is another that just screams Orion to me, especially if gladiator megatronus is hades, because he did make him self the lord of the arena; just to fall when orion sang his song to the primes in the aligned universe (the one which this au started out as, not that megatron is hades i don't think idk I haven't decided)

tbh I've actually been meaning to post new hadestown au stuff but I've been stuck. trying to figure logistics out with other characters but I think I'm going to focus purely on arion/oplita for it rn, especially ariel and the fates (the seekers) because eurydice and the fates is one of my favourite arcs in the show (im lowkey in a writing rut/block 😔 i need help with this au I cannot lie)

I also think Eurydice is so, very Ariel/Elita. Especially an Elita who is feeling the distraught and dystopia of an opressed and climatic world. I think 'a gathering storm', "when the chips are down" and 'nothing changes' shows how I think of her in this au, the realist to orion's delusions. She's fighting for survival, but she has to give in because the hope so had got lost. She did what she had to.

Also, I think Elita is persephone coded, yeah this au is arion but the pain and estranged-ness of persades in this just reminds me of optimus being so far away, physically AND emotionally and Elita having to keep up cybertron; more specifically wfc netflix (I think a universe where Optimus falls down a path just like hades did would be so very good. He's so focused on making cybertron so full of love, he destroys it which pushes away his love)

"It's you"

"It's me"

🫦🫦🫦🫦 fUCKKKKKKKKK this au hurts my heart why did I let the brain rot procreate with the others brain rot

[gffa]

All right, you know what? Task Force Z was worth reading just for these three pages alone. "Why can't you say it? I'm not something you built. I'm not a weapon. You raised me. You were a father to me. And you brought me into this world of yours and all I got was pain, and death, and the constant reminders that I'll never measure up to you or Dick." And "It's my city too. You always forget that. You aren't the only person from here. You aren't the only one who got hurt here. And you aren't the only one who wants to save it." "So I'm asking you, as the man who trained me, the man who raised me, a man who cares so much about what is right... will you please just get the @#$% out of our way?" We don't see the aftermath of Jason asks Bruce to trust him, to get out of his way, but we do see that Jason goes back to Task Force Z's mission, so Bruce does get the fuck out of his way and, yeah, okay, a lot of this series made my eyes kind of glaze over, but there's some solid banter in here, Jason gets to be a funny asshole, and the emotional moments packed a hell of a punch, because this is a Jason who is trying to make the best of shitty circumstances, but also a Jason who is trying to actually have choices in his life, because he feels he so often doesn't. This is a Bruce who does love Jason but that love is constantly at war with Jason's wilder side, that Bruce wants to protect him, showed up at the start of this whole mess before Jason got roped into this task force, saying they needed to leave because Bruce couldn't protect him from this mission that Jason agreed to do for him if they stayed, but Jason's desire to see it through meant he pushed forward even when he didn't realize the consequences. Which means Bruce isn't entirely wrong, Jason is getting in with a dangerous group that Jason didn't realize the scope of and it's clearly coming from a place of, "I don't want my kid mixed up in this." (even though he can't just say that, gdi Bruce) but also Jason is spot-fucking-on that Bruce isn't the only one that's from Gotham, he's not the only one hurt by it, he's not the only one who wants to save it, Jason has just as much right to the city as he does. And that Bruce isn't just his boss who can order him around, they're more to each other than that, and it's Jason appealing to that relationship, saying, if you want to have a relationship with me, it has to be one that includes that you raised me. Like, for all that Jason is often hot-headed and lets his temper get the best of him and pushes people away, he also is pretty clear here that he does want Bruce to trust him, to acknowledge him as Bruce's son, and acknowledge his right to the city on his own terms, not just as an extension of Bruce. It is very easy to read into Jason and Bruce's interactions in this series as Bruce coming from a place of love for Jason, of worrying about his kid, and expressing it very badly--and, honestly, I think Jason himself kind of knows that, too. He's just not settling for it, he wants acknowledgement of what happened to him and what he means to this family and this city. He's incredibly angry, he's still making mistakes, but he also refuses to let it pass by that he's genuinely trying here and he deserves some trust for that, he deserves to be recognized. And this is a start, Bruce does get out of his way. It's a little rougher with his siblings in the second volume, but Jason isn't just walling himself off from them, he says what he's mad about and there is a sense of squabbling sibling-ness to it all, like, yeah, they're all being assholes to each other, but they save each other and still let their guard down around each other and tease each other (viciously, but it does still come across as teasing) and like. Jason Todd knows what he deserves and he's going to stand up and demand it. He admits to the mistakes he's made, that he's fucked up more than once, but that he still knows he deserves trust and recognition and that he wants it.