#Which like don't get me wrong I could play the other way without incentives if I wanted obviously but it's nicer if the game has them

[maeamian]

Everyone's always hitting up my ask box going, "Hello, Reverend Wrath, what video games do you recommend I play?" and I mostly delete them because I'm a very private person and that sort of personal information is far too revealing, but on this, All Saint's Eve, I've got one for you all.

If you're into the sorta farming life simulation game that Harvest Moon and Stardew Valley are, I've been having a good deal of fun with Sun Haven, it's a somewhat more Fantasy twist than those two genre defining pillars (although of course hardly the first to do so), and I think they've done a very good and thoughtful job with the mechanics in terms of making the fun things rewarding and rewarding having fun. If you're into that sort of game, Sun Haven has the Rev. Wrath Seal of Approval

[zarla-s]

I just read your TF2 bot post and I’m fascinated. It has left me with a few questions though. Why/how were bots a problem for so long? What was the main incentive for botting (is it botting or boting??) Was it just to be an asshole? What’s your favorite baked good? Have a lovely day and don’t worry about answering my questions if you’re not in the mood :]

The bots were a problem for so long because Valve just didn't care, sorry to say. They just let it happen. I'm not sure when they started coming in in force, maybe after the Jungle Inferno update like six years ago? But they just kept pouring in and Valve just ignored it. It's really shameful how bad they let it get, honestly. They just kept putting out community updates like nothing was wrong.

Eventually after a lot of community pressure a year ago (#savetf2) they tweeted saying they were aware of the problem and then nothing happened. Then there was ANOTHER community movement this June (#fixtf2), and THEN at the end of June they ACTUALLY did something, which is why everyone was so shocked and skeptical at the time. Like the bots got so bad, it's hard to get across just how bad it got if you weren't playing at the time. It was bad. To suddenly go from that to totally bot-free was unbelievable. Frankly I'm still shocked they're gone! No one knows why Valve's acting now or how they're doing it (personally, I think they must have been working on these anti-bot measures for a while... maybe even since their initial tweet, but no one knows), but I hope they keep it up. I can finally teach people how to play in peace!

As for why they'd do this, yeah, it's just to be jerks. They just want to make people miserable. They have websites on Neocities you can find under the tf2 tag (I was looking through it for sites to link to my tf2 site) and they state themselves that they just like making people mad. I don't think they actually hate TF2 so much as they love the power rush from destroying something so famous that so many people love. Kind of a power-trip/control thing, with a dose of being desperate for attention. A lot of the more notorious bot hosters had twitters or youtube accounts where they invited people to rage at them uselessly, they loved it. They've also formed communities around botting and trolling people, so they have kind of a social investment in it (although they were quick to turn on each other when they suspected someone was a mole). Some of them sell their bot software or "bot immunity" for money but I think that was just pocket change, I don't think that was a real motivator.

After having free reign for so long, they reacted violently to the community movement in June. They were positive that nothing would happen to them, so they kept doing more and more outrageous things to prove it. They DDoS'd and DMCA'd the site for the petition multiple times, they doxxed and swatted one of the main bot fighters, they impersonated figureheads and posted illegal links to things, like they were really stepping over the line and gloating about it. They were extremely confident and to be fair, who could blame them? Valve's negligence let them get away with it for years. To suddenly have that power taken away from them without warning made them absolutely furious. They're still seething about it right now and plotting ways to get back in, but they haven't found one yet. It's a matter of pride for them at this point I think, that and a childish tantrum about not being able to ruin other people's fun anymore. Them targeting a baby game version of TF2 (TC2) also points to it being a power trip. If they can't ruin TF2 anymore then by god they've got to ruin SOMEthing!

Even now I'm not sure Valve can hold the line and I keep checking TF2 Casual every now and then to look for bots, haha. It's just hard to believe! I greatly enjoy hearing about bot hosters raging about it and suffering though, they deserve nothing less. Die mad about it!!!

In terms of baked goods though I like all kinds, although right now I'm thinking about brownies so I'll say that. |D

[tobi-smp]

you know, with hindsight now what it is I really do think a more literal reading of c!techno's chat would have helped his characterization a Lot

and mind you, this was originally intended to be the case, and very well may have been intended all along even if it wasn't usually emphasized within the lore

and don't get me wrong, I Get why it fell out of favor within the fandom. it coincides with a Very storied ableist trope that demonizes DID and disorders adjacent to it, and Can be spoken about in a way that is essentially indistinguishable from it depending on the word choice.

but the thing is ! not only does it not Have to be an allegory for DID, I straight up don't think it is At All.

because we Know what it's an allegory for. It's His Chat. there's technoblade playing the game, and there's the thousands of people watching with expectations and wants that he's compelled to meet (or, at the very least, pacify through Entertainment).

and this makes much Much more sense when conceived of as Supernatural. be that spirits, gods, demons, or anything that could fill that role. separate entities that, for whatever reason, only techno can sense the presence of and be affected by.

and of course, to an extent this is true for all creators. everyone had an audience that they were meant to entertain and the choices they made were influenced by that fact.

but technoblade came in with a Very distinct set of expectations that heavily impacted the choices he was Expected to make and the kinds of stories that he could tell. he was more or less a living legend in real life just as much as he was in roleplay, and these things were inherently connected.

and it's like !

when c!technoblade says he was peer pressured into killing tubbo at the red festival he Is technically talking about what happened within the roleplay. schlatt was demanding it from him, there's a sort of pressure there. but schlatt was also the dictator they were set to kill, and techno has never had any trouble fighting people he considered a dictator before, and certainly not Schlatt of all people.

but he WAS being peer pressured By His Audience. by thousands of people, most of which were demanding blood Because It Was The Expectation, because it'd be Fun.

out of universe technoblade made the decision he thought would be the most Entertaining, and he was right! consistently he made choices that would let him do the most bombastic Spectacles possible. And It's Great. he's Excellent at pulling dramatics and making a compelling scene that give other people room to work off of. in that sense I'd consider techno an Excellent actor, and I have to imagine that he was fun to work with.

the problem is when you then have to justify it from an in character perspective, grounded in those mushy things like Feelings with characters that can be traumatized and sustain lasting damage, Especially Without acknowledging the out of character incentive.

mind you, it's not Impossible to Create a backstory that could justify it. why a character as consistently powerful and feared as technoblade would feel pressured to kill an ally by someone he not only Can kill but Wanted To Kill. why a character as seemingly secure and in control as technoblade would lash out the way that he does to perceived betrayal, and yet consistently puts no weight onto having killed and permanently scarred an ally that trusted him.

what that'd need is tragedy. a storied history of being hurt and having to survive. building up To an untouchable god from a much much more vulnerable position. Long Lasting trauma that's lead to this deep insecurity and paranoia. and that's Possible and that's Compelling.

but it's just not in the text.

not only did we never learn basically Anything that c!technoblade was up to pre-series, we actually know Less by the end than when we started because of the sbi retconning.

it's a Theoretically Possible interpretation that's technically never Contradicted by canon, but would have to be created by scratch. it's a compelling idea for a fan fic (and one I'd like to read) and it's compelling for a theoretical recontextualization of the character, but it's just not In The Text.

meanwhile, we have the video above.

we have the Objective Fact that technoblade's decision making was often subject to the rule of cool (very Very effectively) to entertain his audience.

and most compellingly, these concepts Don't Need To Be Separate. in fact, in my opinion they're Stronger when you put them together.

because the thing is. it's Difficult to imagine techno as ever being in a vulnerable position. he is just Objectively more powerful than everyone else on the server, both in real life And within the lore. How could he have ever been afraid when he was stronger than anyone and everyone combined? when we saw with our own eyes that techno could face nearly the whole server at once and win.

but he Is a tragic character, at least he's meant to be. and that tragedy makes much Much more sense as something Inward.

technoblade as a character who Needs connection, who Needs stability, who Needs security, who Needs friendship and community and Love. but Lashes Out, Obliterates to the core of the earth, because of something that's not only out of his control but that other people Cannot Understand.

how do you explain to a child that you killed their best friend because a chorus of the undead called for his blood and you (in all the glory that he'd idolized) were unable to do anything but comply? how do you explain to that child that you beat him senseless in a pit as the restless dead jeered and laughed?

That's interesting. That's Compelling.

technoblade is idolized like a god, feared like a force of nature, and in an instant cut himself off from nearly everyone who'd considered him an ally. and that seems to be a pattern, over and over and over again. he's left isolated, and in return he faces retaliation, and in return he's always Waiting for retaliation.

and what do you say to someone who wants to kill you for being a monster? that it's Fine Actually because you only did what you did because you have a curse that compels you to? that the supernatural guided you to destroy their homes and kill their people? (rip jack manifold you will be missed)?

That Doesn't Quite Help Your Case.

technoblade as someone who is beholden to this literal cycle of violence and Loses those things that could ground him, community, stability, People, as a result. who Tries to overcome this very fact (to become a better person, in his own words as per the clip above), but is pulled back into it as a consequence of his own actions.

that's a tragedy !! that Makes Sense. that allows him to be Both this force of nature that other characters have to survive And A Person Who Is Hurt By The Same Conflict.

"I'm a person!" that fear of dehumanization makes So So Much More Sense when you see technoblade as someone who Already fears himself. who fears being a monster, who fears losing control, who has faced isolation again and again and again.

and, importantly, it doesn't have to be anyone else's Fault.

by making the source both Internal and Completely External (something that none of the other characters have any awareness or control over), you can Have techno as a tragic character without demonizing anyone else Or erasing the impact that c!techno had on them.

and in that sense, it Can be an allegory for mental illness, but not in that direct "oooooh how scary he hears voices" kind of way that people fear it looks. but in that sometimes people Will do things that can hurt others while not feeling in control. anger and mania and paranoia, things that you can't always Control and yet that impact that you have on other people still Matters.

and the answer to that is, often, vulnerability and accountability.

I think a lot about technoblade isolating himself so near entirely from the rest of the server, and slowly gathering a support system Back by the end. and I Really Do think that framing of it through this lens is a Very impactful way of breaking it down.

tubbo, tommy, wilbur, ranboo, niki, I think they'd All understand not feeling in control. lashing out, maybe even feeling justified in the moment, but hurting people they care about and furthering their own isolation.

There's Something There, and it's already In The Text. it just needs to be expanded on.

and why not do that ourselves now?

[a-blessed-feline]

Yeah, I'm trying to avoid Qud as well, both because of the timesink issue and because I'm feeling a bit burnt out on it at present. And if you dislike the new UI in the latest version, you can turn it off by unselecting the "Modern character sheet" option, and revert to the overlay UI by unselecting the "Enable modern UI elements" option (though the last one might screw up your keybinds). As for the mod, it seems to work perfectly well on the latest version aside from the merchants' inventories being broken.

And I'm not 100% sure if I'd call the thing I'm doing grinding. I'm not really going out and looking to fight stuff and level up on purpose, it's more that the game has put a bunch of checkmarks on my map and I want to be thorough and explore as many as I can before I progress the main quest, and the levels come in as an outgrowth of that. Though anti-grinding measures such as the one in place for golgotha wouls likely be very effective at breaking this pattern of play as well and making the game more fun for me.

I think I get what you mean with the river thing, might be me overestimating how similar it is to normal dungeon crawling due to it being really similar to regular Qud gameplay. Still, I wouldn't call the exploration aspect of it entirely trivial, since the river/road tends to bend from time to time and you never really know when without checking. At least when it comes to the river, I personally feel like there's quite a bit of tradeoff between risk and curiosity in play, since the foliage is very deep and each new thicket could hide a cadre of sowers. At least to me, it strikes a good balance between encouraging you to rush ahead to clear out threats, and reminding you how easy it is to get blown to smithereens by rushing ahead. There's no such incentive in the Rainbow Wood, though, as none of the enemies drop any loot.

I don't really tend to use followers much either, in part because of how easy it is to permanently lose them due to the AI screwing up. As far as I know, the Golem sort of only secondarily intended as a follower, and is primarily there to make sure the player has a way to beat the Reclamation even if you aren't strong enough yourself. Still, it's far from bad as a follower, and I love the process of making it and customizing it.

I agree with most of your points in regards to Kith and Kin, it mostly is just a dialogue tree, and while I'm personally fine with that, I get that not everyone is. And yeah, "procgen" might be the wrong term, all four suspects can be accused in every game but each one has one correct motive and three false ones, with the motive also affecting the outcome.

As for A Call to Arms, I'm personally mostly fine with not being offered any other option than killing those guys to death, since most of the game already has been all about putting various dudes into the ground. I personally quite like the way that A Call to Arms gives you various options on what defenses to activate across Grit Gate, even though most of the options tend to matter quite little in practice. There are also things you can do like bringing along followers, placing down turrets and mines, and the aforementioned portable wall trick which can change up the way one does the quest at least in some ways. I also partially agree that not being able to nope out of the quest partway through is sort of frustrating, though I doubt I'd feel this way if my other issues with how hard the Barathrumites are to keep alive were solved.

Caves of qud, which clearly takes heavy and unabashed inspiration from classic d20 ttrpg systems, feels like a helpful illustration to me of the perils ppl describe in turning D&D into a universal roleplay platform. Coq deeply wants to be a dungeoncrawl game; the dungeoncrawls (red rock, rust wells, rusted archway, grit gate plus its lower levels, bethesda susa, the tomb, lairs, sultan sites, possibly chavvah but maybe the aesthetics are just prejudicing me) are consistently the most fun, engaging, rewarding moments in any run, and the other elements of the game are, when done well, naturally thought of as preparations and context for the dungeoncrawls

But the devs clearly want it to be more than that. Hence the shoehorning in of a grab bag other quest genres: whodunnit mixed with village politics (bey lah), multilateral negotiation (omonporch), set piece battle (acta), the perilous journey (mamon and klanq), dungeon as obstacle course (golgotha), crafting (the golem). And these dabblings are just, consistently, a real drag, even when the flavour is cool (the amaranthine prism, the rainbow wood, etc) bc theyre cutting against the grain of the mechanics and produce smth either tediously artificial or actively painful. The whole experience would be better if it could just admit to itself where its strengths lie and cut its losses, at least as far as the main quest requires

[ohworm-writes]

hello! :) so u know how kuon has a crush on sniper right ? can i get an imagine where reader is jealous bc of kuon, cuz u know, her crush on sniper etc etc (sorry i'm just vv lazy at typing), and how sniper reacts to it ?? can u make it like they're still friends but have mutual feelings for each other as they hang out as a unit, and they get together in the end bc sum confessions happened !! sorry if u don't get it i'm rlly bad at explaining but thank u in advance if u do this !! <33

High-Rise Invasion/Tenkuu Shinpan: Sniper Mask Boyfriend Imagine

high-rise invasion/tenkuu shinpan masterlist

‼ Jealous Reader (over Kuon) + Make up + Confession ‼

Featuring: Sniper Mask, Yuri Honjo, Mayuko Nise (implied), Kuon Shinzaki (implied)

Warnings: frustrated Y/n, crushes, jealousy

a/n - good GODS this has been in my inbox for a while and i’m so so so sorry for not posting it way sooner! hopefully you see this anon, and i hope you enjoy!

content below the cut!

you had developed a crush on the man in the mask ever since you first joined Yuri's little group

you couldn't really tell what it was the drew you to him

he was silent, dismissive, and he was a Mask for goodness sake!

but none of that deterred you from the attraction you garnered for him

you always found yourself trying to interact with him

whether it was offering your help with something that he was doing, or simply keeping him company

most times he brushed you off, walking away and not giving you an answer

other times he silently accepted your offer

those times the two of you would sit in comfortable silence, just enjoying one another's presence

you cherish moments like these for a very specific reason

Kuon

now you had nothing against the girl!

... at first

she seemed nice enough, always eager to help, and full of ignorant innocence

but then you realized her (very obvious) crush on the masked man

the way she got flustered around him so easily

the way she clung to him like a lost child

at first, you thought maybe she saw him as a parental figure, seeing how young she was

but that thought was (very) quickly thrown to the wind when you saw her wrapped up in his jacket, blushing like the schoolgirl she was and giggling to herself

so what she liked him? you liked him too, maybe the two of you could bond over that!

that's what you told yourself

of course, you never acted on it

it was simple, you were too jealous to do so

you noticed how Sniper Mask welcomed all her little instances without a care in the world

not giving a damn when she clung to him

or batting an eye at her obvious fangirling

it pissed you off

naturally, you began to avoid Kuon

and Sniper Mask simultaneously

you avoided the two of them whenever you could

when you saw them walking towards you, you kept to the opposite side of the wall and walked quickly past them

when you all usually ate together, you picked up your food and ate outside

you were simply, undeniably jealous

you didn't think Sniper Mask cared about it, not that you could tell under his mask

but in actuality, he was confused as to why you avoided him all of the sudden

so, he opted to ask you one day

You shut the door to the dining room rather aggressively as you exited, but you couldn't care less. You let your body slump against the adjacent wall, your plate of food resting on your lap.

Today had been... exhausting, to say the least. Kuon was on her usual actions of pining over 'Mr. Mask', crossing your way a few more times than you would have liked. During your meeting earlier with her and Yuri, your fellow mouthless masked allies, she had the gall to talk on and on about how much she adored him.

You hated it.

You looked down at your food, a scowl finding its place on your features. You glared at it, pushing the pieces around with your fork, not noticing a door open and close right in front of you.

"Jesus, if that food was alive, it would be 6 feet under with the glare you're giving it." You hear a gruff voice call from in front of you. A voice you would rather not be hearing right now.

You continue to move around the food, staying silent as the man awkwardly stands in front of you, unsure of what to do with himself in this situation. "Is it, uh, okay if I sit here?" He asks, which finally makes you look up.

He had a plate of food between his own hands, his jacket gone and sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His mask covered his face, per usual, but it seemed much more lopsided than usual.

You give him a shrug in response, looking back down at your food again. He stands there for a moment, before taking a seat right next to you, your knees almost touching. "You don't mind if I eat with you, right?"

His question makes your eye twitch. Was he seriously trying to be all buddy-buddy with you now? You shrugged again, not giving him as much as a single word.

You heard him sigh, setting his food to the side before he speaks again. "Alright, what's going on?" He asks, making your body tense up. "Nothing." You shoot back, scowling.

"What happened to the Y/n that stayed up and talked about their life for hours? What happened to the Y/n that told me horrible jokes to try and get a reaction out of me? Huh? What happened to them?"

That broke you.

You were angry, furious even. Was he trying to blame this on you? You didn't do anything wrong! If it wasn't for Kuon, maybe you would still be that person! If it wasn't for her, you could still be friends with him! You could be-

"What?" You hear him say softly, much softer than his previous tone. Shit, did you say that out loud? "Yeah, you did." He says again, looking at you with a concerned expression on his face, not that you could tell.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lash out. I just- I’ve been-" You stutter, trying to find the right words. He laughs at that, actually laughs at it.

His laugh is hearty, warm, almost inviting you to laugh along with him. You don't, but he quickly composes himself, making your head turn towards him.

"Why on Earth were you jealous of Kuon?" He asks honestly, watching at how the invisible gears turn in your head, searching for an answer. You sigh heavily, running a hand across your face as you shake your hands while you speak.

"I just- she’s always there with you. She's latched onto you 24/7! I can't get 5 minutes alone with you before she comes barging in." You rant, frustration evident in your shaky voice.

"I just wanted to be your friend, be close with you. I can never do that because she's-she's there." You groan, hugging yourself with your arms. "I sound like a selfish idiot now, huh?"

You laugh dryly, frowning. He sighs, but a smile plays at his lips. "Y/n." He begins, his hand resting you your forearm. "You know she would never purposefully do that. She just, she has an infatuation with me I guess."

He sighs dramatically, earning a chuckle from you. "But." He tells you, watching your eyes as he speaks. "That doesn't mean I didn't miss you."

Your heart skips a beat at his comment, face flushing softly. "Kuon also misses you. You might not have caught onto it, but she looks up to you." He explains, smiling at how your expression softens, mumbling a soft 'she does?' to him.

He nods, laughing once more. "Come on, have dinner with the rest of us. We can't have you sitting alone out here anymore." You roll your eyes, but take him up on his word. He leads you back to the other, Kuon frantically waving over to the two of you the second you pass through the door.

"Y/n! Come sit with me!" She yells excitedly. Maybe you were wrong about her.

after that interaction, the three of you were all on much better terms

yes, kuon still had her habits, but he toned them WAY down after you explained to her how it made you feel

she teased the hell out of you for it too

you, of course, shrugged it off

but you never told her that she was wrong

you were happy to be on good terms with Sniper Mask again

he made a lot more time for you

your old interactions coming back at full force, and some new ones

he loved to take you on little walks on the high rises

he also made it a point to teach you how to shoot his rifle

which was terrifying, but exhilarating

you fell for him harder and harder every day

one day, you ranted your feelings out to Kuon

and while she wasn't surprised, it warmed her heart to see how much you loved him

yes, she crushed on him too, but that didn't take away from the obvious connection she saw between the two of you

unbeknownst to you, Sniper Mask had come to her about the same things

his usually cold demeanor broke whenever he talked with you

he genuinely enjoyed your company, he wanted more of it

and then some

so, she put a plan together

operation "get Mr. Mask and Y/n together" is a go!

she took it all very seriously

making sure you guys get paired together for scouting missions? that's all her

convincing Sniper Mask to get you little gifts and things? of course

overall, the best wing-woman you could ask for

however, the one thing she didn't have anything to do with was his confession to you

he could have used her help with it, that much was clear

but he wanted to tell you how he felt, no help necessary

Sniper Mask had told you earlier this morning to meet you at his room when the sunset before he rushed to get out of your vicinity like you were a plague. Granted, it hurt your feelings, but you couldn't stand him up.

You knocked gently on the wooden door, stepping back and waiting patiently for it to open. After about a minute, while you had heard nothing, you went to knock again.

Your efforts were proved useless as the door swung open hastily, revealing a disheveled Sniper Mask. His usual blazer and fedora were long forgotten, his hair messy, strands pointing this way and that. His mask sat lopsided on his face, still covering it fully.

"H-hey Y/n." He mumbled out, you offered him a wave as he awkwardly shuffled to the side, opening the door as an incentive for you to come in. You stepped inside, walking to the center of the room as you heard him close the door behind you.

You turned to speak to him again, but those thoughts were cast aside as you felt his hands settle onto your cheeks and his lips molding with yours. It startled you, you're eyes open in shock as you looked at him. His mask was completely off, thrown somewhere in the room, but he didn't seem to have a care in the world.

You quickly melted into the kiss, bringing your hands up to gently hold onto his forearms. He hummed, taking a moment before pulling away, leaving the two of you to gasp for air as he rested his forehead against yours. You opened your eyes to meet his, full of adoration.

"I, uh, I think I'm in love with you?" It was more of a question, but you took it happily. You laughed softly, your fingers rubbing small circles in his forearms.

"Was that what that was?"

[songmingisthighs]

Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxxi - really proud of you sweetie ❤❤

<< previous | masterlist | next >>

??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

The whole time you went out to buy snacks with San and Jongho, you couldn't help but think about how Yeosang was still cold towards you.

"Okay, first of all, you're not gonna let that shithead get to you, you got me?" San firmly said as he threw a bag of chips at Jongho's head, obviously aiming at the basket in his hand but he miscalculated.

"Second, hasn't he opened up to you slightly? Pretty sure he said something to Hwa hyung about being a dick to you yesterday," San shrugged as the three of you walked towards the cashier.

As Jongho put the basket on the counter, he chimed in with his own opinion, "I say let him be all pissy and bitchy towards (Y/N)," he scoffed.

You let out a whine of protest and smacked Jongho on his arm. Though that barely did anything as he only grinned and pulled you into his arms. "I didn't mean that in a bad way, I just meant that if he decided to back off, the rest of us, aka ME, can have more of you," he whispered into your ear as he snaked his arms around your waist.

Though you were slightly affected by Jongho saying that there was a chance that Yeosang wanted to back off of your relationship, you couldn't help but blush and giggle at Jongho's rather possessive words and actions.

The three of you left the convenience store with two bags. Both of course being carried each by San and Jongho as you stood in between them with your pinkies linked to each other.

"You know, you COULD just show what Yeosang's missing, maybe then he'd realize how much of a bitch he was being and that he'd stop," San said, snickering at himself.

You thought over San's words and realized that he was right. Rather than thinking that you're the one at the disadvantage, you can simply flip things around and make Yeosang break.

So you concocted a plan in your head all the way back and as you got ready for movie night.

Whilst everyone was running around everywhere, pulling blankets and pillows from their rooms, you sat idly by and kept a close eye on Yeosang. The way you were looking at him made it seem like you're a predator and Yeosang's your prey.

As everyone took their seat, you slyly directed each of the boys to sit where you want them to sit, leaving the last comfortable position directly below you, by your feet. Since you know Yeosang tends to go to the bathroom last minute, it meant that he was going to have to sit at the available spot if he wanted to comfortably watch the movie.

Just as you expected, he walked back and froze for a second when he realized where he would be sitting.

"Yeosang, come on, we're gonna start now," Hongjoong called out from his position at the edge of the sofa.

Knowing he can't do or say anything, Yeosang gave up and went to take a seat by your feet. You smirked inconspicuously as you leaned against Seonghwa who was at your right. You nuzzled into him as your legs reached over to Wooyoung's lap on your left.

In the first ten minutes of the movie, you let Yeosang relax, not letting any parts of your body touch his. This seemed to be effective because his eyes were focused on the screen and his shoulders seemed very much relaxed.

But when he seemed to disregard your existence, you let your knee and fingers brush against the back of his neck. As your skin made contact with his, he visibly stiffened. Knowing him, his eyes were most likely bulged out and his grip on the blanket he and San shared tightened to the point that his knuckles turned white.

You smirked at yourself at his reaction, knowing that teasing him was going to be fun and that he deserved it.

The subtlety of your touch seemed to awaken something in Yeosang. Maybe it was his triggered frustration or it was just simply the fact that you hadn't touched him in the longest time.

When your eyes peeked down at him, it was evident that his mind was thinking a hundred thousand thoughts a minute. With his chest rising and deflating with each breath dramatically, you know it's time to take it up a notch and to test your hypothesis.

Sexually frustrated Yeosang + subtle teasing = boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing.

"Oops, almost forgot my popcorn," you muttered lowly but loud enough for Yeosang, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung to hear. Once Seonghwa and Wooyoung let their grip on you off, you proceeded to swing your right light over Yeosang and stepped diagonally. With the newfound balance, you leaned your body forward to pretend to reach for the popcorn bowl.

With this position, Yeosang was in direct eyeliner with your clothed core. The shorts you wore were not helping either. It was the pair you wore were the ones Wooyoung bought for you; very tight and short, the black, stretchy material both accentuated and covered only half of your ass.

To make things worse, you pretended to lose your balance and fell directly on Yeosang's lap with a high, squeaky yelp, albeit very fake. The close proximity between you two enabled you to hear the choked gasp that came out of Yeosang. Not only that, but you felt something hard pressing against your ass.

Either Yeosang hid the remote in his pants or your plan worked well.

You turned your face to look at Yeosang with a faux innocent, apologetic face, "Oops, sorry Sangie," you apologized to him, batting your eyelashes at him.

It seemed that Seonghwa and San had caught onto your plan. They were snickering at the scene unveiling before them.

Without saying anything else, you stood up. To make things worse, with your ass directly in front of Yeosang, you 'fixed' your shorts; pulling it up and exposing more of your ass.

"I'll be back," you told the room, to no one specific, before walking towards the kitchen.

You pretended to look around in there, trying to find something when suddenly a set of footsteps followed. Before you could even turn to look at who came, you had been swung and pushed until your back hit the fridge's door.

The sight of Yeosang's flustered face combined with his glare greeted you. You tried your best to not look so smug. On the contrary, you pretended to be confused.

With hands pinned at the sides, you knew you couldn't do much. You tilted your head at him and blinked innocently, "something wrong, Sangie?"

Hearing the faux innocence dripping from your voice only made Yeosang growl, slightly ticked that you dared play him like a fiddle.

"Something wrong? Are you seriously that ignorant or are you just pretending to be dumb? I don't even know which one is worse but I'm fucking sick of you flaunting your ass like a damn peacock trying to mate," he rambled on.

Your expression changed as a smirk broke on your face, "didn't know you're one to give in so easily, Sangie? You think with your dick now?" you poked fun at him.

Yeosang's left eye visibly twitched at your words. One of his hands let go of one of yours to grab at the back of your hair, tugging it back rather harshly, eliciting a moan out of you, "are you comparing me with one of the cheap boy toys that you played with when you weren't here? Didn't know your standards were lowered to that extent," he smirked, trying to push you the same way you did him.

A gasp and a low groan left Yeosang when you cupped his dick with your free hand over his pyjama pants, giving it a bit more pressure to feel how hard he was.

"No matter how much you call them 'cheap boy toys', they have bigger balls than you, Sangie. How long did you plan on being all pissy with me, hmm? Did it hurt your pride that I had to be the one who initiated direct contact with you?" you snarled at him.

You could see his eyes burn in anger with a tinge of shame. You knew you had struck a nerve in him.

All of a sudden, Yeosang pulled you off the fridge, turned you around and pushed you down by the shoulder to the point that your cheek was pressed onto the cold countertop.

Excitement filled you as you realized where this was going. Your formula was spot on, your H1 was accepted and H0 was rejected.

When you realized that Yeosang was not doing anything, you took matters into your own hands. You pressed your scantily clad core directly against his boner.

"Not gonna do anything, Sangie? Do I have to get one of the boys to show you how to use a dick properly? Or should I call one of Haknyeon's friends to show you? There's this one, Hyunjae I think was his name, he-"

You couldn't complete the sentence as Yeosang had slapped your ass so hard, you were sure he had left a purple handprint there.

As you were about to protest, Yeosang had somehow taken a clean rag and wrap it around your mouth as a makeshift gag. He leaned forward so that his chest was pressed onto your back.

"Be a good girl and keep your big mouth shut, yeah?" he ordered. His hand skimmed your waist down to your legs and it slowly caressed the back of your thighs, leaving goosebumps at their wake.

When he realized you didn't give him any response, his hands smacked the sides of your legs harshly, making you jolt up in surprise.

"Too dumb to answer?" he growled. Hearing the anger in his voice made you whimper out in fear and submission.

Yeosang smiled and pecked the back of your neck after you replied to him, your submission made him feel soft for a split second.

It wasn't until he pulled your shorts and panties carelessly along with his own pyjama pants and underwear that your brain finally registered that you're about to have angry sex with Yeosang. From how he had been treating you so far, you're at least 70% sure that there will be bruises all over you tomorrow.

Without hesitation, Yeosang shoved his dick deep into you, hips pressing against your ass as his hands found anchor on your waist. His grip was tight, vice even, it almost seemed possessive.

He set a harsh and quick pace from the beginning, not caring that your hips were smacking the counter nor the fact that literally anyone could enter the kitchen area.

Yeosang isn't one to talk much during sex, he tends to focus on the action more than anything else.

The feeling of him continuously entering you at such pace and vigour were intoxicating. Maybe it was all the pent up frustration and anger, but you swore your eyes rolled back even further each time his hips smacked yours harshly. You definitely won't be able to sit on your ass after this.

"Shit, I guess you were telling the truth when you said you weren't playing with your cousin's friends," he groaned out mid-thrust.

Yeosang suddenly pulled out, making you whine in protest.

If it weren't for the extreme sexual tension and both of your compromising predicament, Yeosang would've cooed at how adorable you sounded.

But that wasn't his priority at the moment.

Wordlessly, Yeosang pulled you off the counter to move you to the wooden dining table. He pushed you to lie on the table as he propped a leg up to his waist.

With this new position, you could see the defined lines of his chest peeking from his pyjama when he anchored himself above you. You thanked the workout regime he had been following internally because the sight of his muscles made your pussy throb.

Yeosang immediately went back to thrusting with an animalistic pace into you, pouring every bit of emotion he had into action. You could feel it. The way he was so close to you but still maintaining a certain distance, you knew that he was hesitating. The way he was avoiding your eyes and focus on where you both were connected, yearning for intimacy but scared to initiate it. But you also know that he wanted you beyond anything else and that he was sorry. He wasn't one to be good with words but luckily you know him well enough to understand him.

As he focused on pleasuring you both, you took the chance to prop yourself up slightly and pull the rag gag off your mouth and threw it to the side.

Your hand slapped his face, stunning him for a second. As his movements halted and eyes finally meeting yours, your grabbed his face and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

He froze momentarily, not knowing what to do. But when you pulled out to speak to him, you could see that his stubbornness began to chip away and crumble.

"You don't have to feel bad about what happened, I forgave you and it's about time you forgive yourself for being a jerk to me. And I'm sorry for leaving you to take care of everyone like that, Sangie. But can we please move past all that and go back to normal?"

His once vice grip on you loosened.

At first, you thought he was going to let you go and run away.

But he suddenly pulled you up and flush against him. He hugged you tightly, burying his face on your shoulder.

"I should've been the one to apologize first. I'm sorry, I love you so much," he said lowly against your skin. You knew that it was hard for him to be so vulnerable which was why you know him saying all that meant that he was being beyond sincere.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as his wrapped around your waist.

Soon his thrusts continued.

The initial roughness and anger were replaced with longing and desperation.

Not long after, you felt that you were close to the edge. Your leg that was hoisted up on Yeosang's waist tightened and Yeosang immediately realized what it meant.

His hands slipped under your shirt to play with your chest. His fingers tweaking and pinching your nipples, adding to the pleasure that he gave. The intense arousal shot to your pussy and you clenched hard as you came.

Head thrown back, exposing your neck to him, Yeosang took the opportunity to mark you up as he liked.

The feeling of his fingers on your nipples, his mouth on your skin, and his dick still moving inside you prolonged your orgasm more than you liked. The intensity made you whine as overstimulation took over.

Luckily, Yeosang soon followed suit and released his load inside you. His hips stuttered and his teeth bit down onto your shirt-covered shoulder. You yelped at the sudden pain but the pain turned to pleasure, making your thighs shook and pussy once again clamping around Yeosang.

Yeosang let out a guttural groan that was muffled by your shoulder at the feeling, not denying how good it felt.

You both stayed there, trying to catch your breath. It was then that you registered the aftermath of your intimate activity with Yeosang. Your pants and panties had somehow stuck onto one of the drawer handles of where you were pinned down, the rag that was used as a gag had somehow made its way to the edge of the room, and Yeosang was still fully dressed.

When your eyes met his again, you see fondness and love in them, He was smiling down at you, fingers trailing down to intertwine with yours.

"What would it take me to get your full forgiveness?" he asked, head tilting to the side. His bangs moved to reveal the birthmark that he had told you a while ago he was insecure about. You leaned forward and pecked the adorable mark, making him chuckle.

"Just don't pull yourself or push me away again when things are hard, okay? The last thing I want is to almost lose you again," you told him.

He brought one of your intertwined hands to his lips and gave it a soft kiss, "there is no way on earth that you'd be able to lose me. I was actually thinking the other way around," he admitted shyly.

You bit back a giggle for his sake and opted to kiss him fully on his lips. "You would never lose me, Sangie, I belong with you, all of you," you assured him.

As he pulled himself out of you and began to clean himself up, he was reminded that the others were a room apart.

Yeosang visibly swallowed, suddenly turning nervous.

"D-do you think the others-"

"Seonghwa and San were well aware that we were having sex here, pretty sure the others heard everything as well," you said, cutting him off.

"Yeah we did! You both better clean and disinfect the heck out of the kitchen area," Seonghwa yelled out from the living room.

Hearing that, Yeosang blushed madly and moved to bury his face into your shoulder in embarrassment.

You couldn't help but laugh at him. But you wrapped your arms around him and stroked his back comfortingly.

At least you got the old Yeosang back.

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[paint-lady]

hey, if you don't mind, i want your advice: i'm going to be running a chronicle set in chicago (i am using the chicago by night 5e book) for players who are new to vampire for the most part in a few days and i can't For The Life of Me to come up with an interesting chronicle hook (yeah i have read the hooks in the book). any ideas/suggestions/general advice?

Hiya! I could talk your ears off on how I write my chronicles- so hopefully I have taken all my processes and reduced it down to a lovely World of Darkness jam. 

Here are two good hooks I just came up with- feel free to use them! The third is what I got for my first chronicle, and I just think its a narrative that works very well for new players.

>Option 1: Guilty Until Proven Innocent ”Chicago is a series of paradoxes and transitions, of ever changing paradigms and whimsy,” (CbN 47). Have your coterie be newbies to the city. Ask why they have come to Chicago. Power? A new start? Perhaps this is a political arrangement between the clan of one city with another. Whatever their reason, they have arrived right when a Primogen vanishes- and guess who is first on the suspect list? The fresh faces on the streets >:) The coterie, having barely settled, has to suddenly prove their innocence. And finding evidence lets them uncover something much more sinister....

This one is ideal for new players as it sets everyone on an equal footing. Even if they create a character that has been a vampire for 50+ years and has amassed several dots of influence, herd, status- whatever, they are still new to the city. And being new means you have to start all over again. (This may be frustrating to a player that invested all those points at character creation- but it is on you as the ST to make sure they have opportunities to use those dots and on them as a player to think cleverly.)

Starting the tale off with defending their innocence is actually a very engaging questline. It effectively sets the stage for the political powerhouses. It lets new players know there are rules- and those in power are watching. It also sets the consequences for failure. Understand that the Camarilla probably isnt going to outright kill the coterie if they fail- always make the punishment just harsh and grueling enough to make final death feel like a mercy. Failure isn’t the end of the story.

For new players- I would be lenient with the time it takes for them to find evidence. But within reason. Think like your Prince and Seneschal. Do you really want this coterie running around for a full week, unsupervised, making more messes? No. You don’t. (You might wanna send an npc with them to watch and keep em out of trouble. Your npc is also able to vouch for them.)

This story lends itself to be a Camarilla Chronicle very easily. You can go Anarch, but an Anarch leader suddenly vanishing and blaming the newbies is much more quickly going to end with blood spilled. Thank your local sweeper.

> Option 2: Containment Breach Blacksite 24 (Loresheet on page 264) was temporarily occupied by Operation Firstlight. It has now been transformed into a medical research facility. While most kindred of Chicago know of Blacksite 24, they have zero clue what happens inside other than bad news for them- the less they know the safer they are. The chronicle opens with a car crash. The captured soon-to-be coterie was in transit to this feared medical facility. The crash did kill the driver and the agent in charge of transporting them. The crash did not fully break their restraints, but it did enough damage that first responders are freaking out. They are all at hunger 3. The chronicle is a hunt. The coterie should have some knowledge of what had happened to them and how lucky they are to have escaped. Operatives are already on their way to recapture them. They must hide in this city- and do their best to survive and stay out of sight.

The point of this story is to invoke dread. I highly recommend one player either being a thin-blood (or an npc) with the Daydrinker merit, or a player to have a ghoul. If they decide to not have a daywatch, they increase their chance of being found.

This story also sets up a feeling of desperation. They would be willing to take shelter from anyone- anyone. Eventually the other kindred will catch on that these guys are on the run from something. Any sane kindred would toss them out to protect themselves. A compassionate kindred who takes them in will suffer the final death as a compassionate fool- or join them in captivity. 

This story lends itself to be an Anarch Chronicle much more easily. This is the time the Camarilla will likely be a bit more paranoid and bloody. While they might not outright kill the coterie- they will send them somewhere that is a death trap. They wont dirty their hands with this. After all, you do not want any evidence to fall into the hands of the SI if you hired the hit.

This story is ideal for newbies without background merits. No allies, no influence, no herd. Let them take more mythic merits such as bloodhound and unbondable (Consider finding some from V20 too! There are some really awesome supernatural merits!). These powers would certainly be more fascinating for a medical team to study- not how many instagram followers they have. This kind of story also lets your players feel more powerful- but out of the loop. It lends itself to them forging alliances and getting caught in one-sided favors a lot more quickly. 

The challenging aspect of this story is that is starts with a masquerade breach. New players may not know how to handle such a blatant breach and thats okay. I would let the crash slide- and the Camarilla in the background handles it. Breaches after the crash need to be handled with proper consequences. 

> Option 3: New Blood This is what my storyteller did to me and my first time players (and its also very close to the plot of CoNY). We were shovelheads. Embraced to make a huge mess for the Camarilla and die quick deaths. We were all thin-bloods. The last thing the pcs remember is the sweet rush of ecstasy washing over them, before clawing out of the earth and driven mad by an insatiable hunger. The thrill of the hunt, and the sweet, warm blood on their tongue, nothing was going to be better. All three will awake next to each other, surrounded by the corpses they drank dry in their frenzy. What a way to play the name game! The players have three nights were they figure out their new condition or coverup their tracks (if they think to do it). They contend with their hunger and hatred of sunlight, wrestle with accidentally drinking their family member dry. After three nights, the Scourge comes knocking. Rather than outright killed, they are dragged to Elysium. For some reason, they are adopted by an upstanding member of the Camarilla- or the Prince orders a political rival care for them (hoping they fail). The players are the errand childer of this kindred, and slowly they figure out what they have been gathering through all these errands....

This one lets the characters all have the moments where they discover their disciplines and powers- and bestial tendencies. It naturally flows to allow players to slowly discover the rules and mechanics as well. All players must play fledglings for this tale. 

This story is much more a personal tale than a political one. Eventually politics makes its way in...but it does not have to be a focus. 

This story has less of a hook and more of a “Figure it Out” survival mode until the errands begin. The story is how the character’s react to their condition. It very quickly lends itself to a narrative of finding your own path in the night, rather than mindlessly obeying.

So here are a few questions that I ask myself when crafting a chronicle story:

1. What kind of story do you want to tell? Not asking for a plot hook, I’m asking for a general concept. Is it a tale of good triumphing over evil? (Not necessarily a wrong answer, but if you wanna play good guys...vampire is not the best game for that). Is this a chase? Is this a race against time? 

2. How do you want your story to make your players feel? Do you want to tell a story that invokes as much dread as possible in your players? Do you want them to feel ultra powerful? Vampire is both a power fantasy and a dread inducing game- it can do both. 

3. If you don’t know what kind of story you want to tell, switch gears to worldbuilding. CbN has so many NPCs with the rumors already written for you. Its your setting, perhaps switch two rumors around with prominent NPCs. Decide which ones are true in your setting- Maybe Primogen Annabell did kill her predecessor. Perhaps the Lasombra are attempting to infiltrate the Camarilla as everyone fears- but no one is able to prove it or stop it. Deciding what is true, false, and undetermined usually blossoms into hooks and stories worth investigating.

4. What is a historical event of the city that the Vampires would have endured/ scars would have remained? For example, in my chronicle set in Richmond, the tale of the Richmond Vampire is true. Depending on who you ask, it is the Camarilla’s best or sloppiest cover up. Have the chronicle coincide with the events and the coterie live through them. No one said this must take place in 2021- you can do 2015, 2008, -hell go back the 1990s. Its actually super fun if you set your chronicle in the 90s and your Malkavian is using phrases from 2020.

5. One of my things I do when writing scenes and moments is play Dread by myself. Dread is a role playing game played with jenga. There are no dice rolls, if you want to attempt something, you have to pull pieces from the tower. If the tower falls, you die. If there is a moment where I really really really dont want to pull from the tower, though the reward for succeeding is so so sweet- I keep the moment. If its really easy to shrug and go eh, I can live without performing that action- go back and rewrite it. If you have no incentive to pull from the tower, why would they?

6. Examine your player’s desires and ambitions- and do not neglect them in your chronicle. The plot wont magically allow all of them to achieve their ambitions. However, provide opportunities for them through the plot. Its on them to strive for what their character wants- its on you to make them struggle but have the path to get there. For example, if a player wants to become a Baron, provide a political opening. Perhaps then by announcing their power, they have made a bigger name for themselves and it has become harder to hide. Perhaps by doing this, the kindred they owe a favor is suddenly much more vocal about it. 

Here are some suggestions for handling new players:

> You are going to have to handhold them through some things. New players to vtm won’t be able to see the cascading political web and how the consequences of their actions will ripple into waves. I like to use Wits+Insight and call it Common Sense. Common Sense was a merit in V20- and damn is it WONDERFUL. All they need is just 1 success (they can take half) to have you explain how whatever plan they just thought of is actually a TERRIBLE idea. 

> Do your RPG consent list. Know what is safe to discuss and what is off the table. I highly recommend utilizing something my Storyteller used for my first chronicle, and subsequently I use for all my ttrpgs now: Invoking the Veil. The metaphor is that you are slowly lessening the intensity of a scene- as if raising the opacity or looking through layers of fabric. Eventually, there is too much fabric and you can no longer see the scene. If something is too intense, the ST or the player may announce they are invoking the veil. Reduce the scene by lowering music, speaking in third person, or avoiding heavy descriptors. You can reduce it further to just dice rolls. Role play stops, and the consequences of the scene are solely dictated by the dice. Or fade to black. If a player is repeatedly fading to black on something- ask to talk to them about it. Clearly something is too intense and they are not having as much fun as they can. Debriefing after a session is also a good idea. Do something silly! Share and check all the memes in the discord chat. Its important to make sure you and your players know that at the end of the night- its all just a game.

> I find the sabbat and new players don’t tend to mix well. You may absolutely still use the sabbat in your chronicle! But the dogma and philosophical ideals of the sabbat can be offputting and downright upsetting to a first time player. You may absolutely build to it- that’s what I did to my players. And in the moment of the truth, they chose to cling to humanity. 

> The taking half mechanic is your friend! V5 says players may announce how many dice they are rolling- and if the dividend is greater than the DC- they auto succeed. This streamlines play. Of course, you as the Storyteller may say this is a roll they are not allowed to take half on. Usually these are contested rolls (combat).

> The three turns and out rule keeps combat intense but not too lengthy. It actually streamlines encounters super super well. 

> My ST used a phrase, “The quickest way to kill Cthulhu is to give it a healthbar.” If Methuselahs and Elders are involved in your game- avoid giving them stat blocks. This cultivates a conflict that new players must find a way to overcome without brute force combat. It makes them think critically and defy these super old antagonists through narrative means. This also gets the notion out of your and their heads, “if they die, its over.” Its never that easy. Never. 

[oumakokichi]

Do you think that Kokichi had any remorse for Gonta during trial 4 or did he actually not care? I've seen a lot of people saying different opinions from both sides of the argument. But I'm really confused because there was a moment where after Gonta was executed, correct me if I'm wrong but Shuichi asked Kokichi if he could reveal the secret of the outside world (?) But Kokichi replied with something like “I don't want to....” and seemed generally upset? But then a few moments later he snapped out if it and began acting like he had no sympathy whatsoever. I just really wanna know how Kokichi actually, truly felt about Gonta and if he regretted manipulating him. Sorry if you've already been asked this and have already given an answer, thank you!

Hi anon—I actually wrote a pretty big master-post on chapter 4 not too long ago which I think more or less sums up my thoughts on Ouma’s behavior in the post-trial! You can find it here if you want (it’s pretty long and I tried to answer a whole bunch of questions about Ouma in chapter 4 specifically, since it’s the chapter I get asked about the most).

More specifically though, I’m afraid that there is no easy, definitive answer to that question. I can only share my personal opinions about how I believe Ouma felt in that scene. And personally? I do think he was genuinely upset and distraught about Gonta’s death, that he even momentarily considered giving up all his plans and being executed alongside him, and that he cared about Gonta and deeply regretted using him as a sacrificial pawn in his plans.

I’ll discuss what I mean in more detail, but it’ll probably get pretty long, so I’ll put the rest of this post under a cut as always!

The thing is, though, I’ve shared my personal thoughts about the chapter 4 post trial many times, including my reasoning and all of the textual evidence that shows how much Ouma cared about the rest of his classmates. But ultimately, there will probably always be some people who disagree, because their reading of the text will always be a little bit different. Unless we ever have an interview from Kodaka in the future where he directly says, “this is what Ouma was thinking and feeling at this exact moment,” there really won’t ever be a way to know what was going through his head with 100% certainty (and I do feel like leaving it open-ended is something of Kodaka’s intention, anyway, especially since Ouma is supposed to be a very polarizing character).

That being said, I do think it’s worth analyzing the text and drawing your own conclusions, because ndrv3 is a game that changes a lot depending on how you interpret it, and Ouma’s character is included in that. It’s really easy on a first playthrough to get wrapped up in what Ouma says or does without really looking at why he says it, or at his underlying motivations. Going back through the game on a replay though, I do personally think it’s possible to guess at what he might have been feeling during those super conflicting scenes in chapter 4.

In my opinion, I think Ouma did truly care about Gonta as a friend, and that his guilt and remorse over what he did was genuine. Not only did Ouma and DICE have a very strict taboo against killing (mentioned directly in his motive video in Japanese, though the part about it being an actual rule was stripped from the localization), but we don’t see Ouma’s façade crack like this very often. Most of the time when he does his trademark “crocodile tears,” it’s with his very loud, exaggerated crying sprite, and he bounces right back to acting normally within a moment or two.

There are a few exceptions to this, of course—he uses the “crocodile tears” sprite to cry at Kaede, Amami, and Toujou’s deaths, but it’s still very likely he was shaken up by seeing them dead). Nonetheless, we don’t see his much more subdued crying sprites more than a handful of times, particularly in the chapter 4 post-trial just before Gonta’s execution, as well as in Momota’s flashback in chapter 5 when he talks about how Ouma actually hated the killing game the whole time.

I’m aware that some people simply brush these moments aside and assume that Ouma is lying though all of them, but I personally just can’t agree with that interpretation. Assuming that Ouma is lying whenever he shows remorse or guilt or hatred for the killing game means assuming that he’s telling the truth in pretty much every other scene—which doesn’t make much sense, given that his entire character is centered around the concept of lying, as well as moral ambiguity and subverting expectations. Assuming that Ouma actually means what he’s saying 100% of the time unless it just happens to involve showing any kind of guilt or remorse turns him into a very boring, predictable, uninspired character (none of which are words I would use to describe him personally).

Ignoring those moments where Ouma shows genuine attachment to his classmates and distaste for the killing game also means ignoring several key pieces of evidence and clues about him that we are directly provided in the game, including his motive video and Momota’s flashback in chapter 5. Personally, I don’t feel like there’s any reason to include these scenes at all unless it’s to help shed light on Ouma’s motivations and provide players with a clear reason to try and go back through the game again to look at Ouma’s actions through a new perspective.

I also feel that Ouma genuinely cared about Gonta because to put it simply, there was no incentive for him to lie in that scene. He got absolutely nothing out of it—and considering he turns around and starts playing the villain on purpose all of 5 minutes after Gonta’s death, he definitely wasn’t trying to earn sympathy points or trick the rest of his classmates into trusting him. In fact, he could’ve easily tried to make himself look more sympathetic by putting all of the blame on Miu for trying to kill him, or even on Gonta. But instead he fully admits to coming up with the plan to kill Miu and spends the entire post-trial trying to convince everyone not to hate or blame Gonta.

If he was truly as sadistic and horrible as he pretended to be, I think he would’ve pulled a 180 and started throwing names and insults around while Gonta was still alive to hear it, not after he was already dead. If he didn’t care at all about Gonta’s feelings, he had no reason to try and take all the blame on himself while insisting that none of what happened was actually Gonta’s fault. If anything, revealing himself to be this horrible, evil villain who enjoys seeing other people suffer or die would’ve really been adding insult to injury, and probably would’ve crushed Gonta completely, even before his execution started.

But… Ouma doesn’t do any of this. Despite having every opportunity to either portray himself as more of a victim and fling all the blame on Miu and Gonta, or else to completely embrace being a villain who loved seeing people suffer, he doesn’t do either of these things. The way I personally see it, Ouma waits until Gonta is already dead, and when the rest of his classmates begin pushing him for answers about the outside world and demanding to know what Gonta saw, that’s when he finally snaps and resigns himself to acting like a villain in order to make everyone hated.

You could argue that trying to make everyone hate him had a twofold effect: it helped set the stage for him to pretend to be the ringleader in the next chapter, which he clearly wanted, but it also was a way of taking things out on himself and shows just a small glimpse of how much he hated having to dirty his hands in chapter 4. After all, Ouma even says it himself: that the “role of a villain is perfect for him,” because he’s already made everyone hate him. We see Ouma occasionally tease or antagonize the rest of his classmates plenty of times throughout the game, but it’s true that he doesn’t really step into that “villain” role until the end of chapter 4, once he’s crossed a line that he can never come back from by manipulating both Miu and Gonta to their deaths.

None of this is to say that what Ouma did to Gonta is okay, by any means. I think he definitely did care about Gonta and even thought of him as one of the few trustworthy people in the killing game, even someone close to a friend, but that doesn’t mean that manipulating him and using him like a chess piece was okay in the end. I just also think it’s important to realize that there were plenty of extenuating circumstances that led Ouma to act the way he did—including the fact tha he knew Miu was going to kill him, that he already suspected she had measures to prevent him from fighting back or killing her himself in the VR world, and the fact that he did not want to die or get everyone else killed in the trial.

It’s possible for people to care about others without necessarily treating them the best or doing the right thing. A huge part of Danganronpa, something that’s been evident from the very first game, is that sometimes characters can and do hurt each other, even when they care about each other or wouldn’t be a threat otherwise.

It’s the existence of the killing game itself that causes so many characters to go to extremes that they normally wouldn’t, whether it’s Maizono trying to frame Naegi in dr1 despite caring about him a lot, Kaede deciding to try and commit murder under everyone’s noses despite trying to unite the group and wanting everyone to trust her, or Ouma using Gonta as a pawn to kill Miu in his place because he didn’t want to die.

At the end of the day, people are still probably going to have very polarizing opinions about Ouma and the things he did in chapter 4, and that’s honestly okay. In my own opinion, Ouma definitely isn’t a completely flawless, innocent baby who “did nothing wrong”—he absolutely is manipulative, cold, and calculating when he wants to be, and it’s a fact that he got two people killed, even if he didn’t want things to reach that point. But I also personally don’t think it’s fair to write him off as the exact kind of “evil villain” he pretends to be; not only is it a shortsighted interpretation of his larger motivations, but it also completely ignores any replay value and completely shoots down the appeal of trying to interpret Ouma’s thoughts and actions because “he was lying about feeling bad anyway, what’s the point in analyzing him.”

Tl;dr: I do think Ouma cares about Gonta, that he probably even thought of him as the closest thing he had to a friend in the killing game, and that what he did to Gonta in the end wasn’t okay. I think he really did respect Gonta for being such a sweet and kind person, but that he also knew Gonta was extremely naïve and that he would be one of the easiest people in their group to manipulate, hence why he decided to rely on him instead of anyone else. Their friendship is an important part of both of their character arcs, but it’s definitely not what I would call “on equal footing.”

I understand why Ouma’s actions might make some people really resent him, but I also believe that kneejerk reaction of anger and dismissal is exactly the point: Ouma does feel terrible about the things he did, but he doesn’t want anyone’s sympathy or forgiveness, not even the player’s. This, in my opinion, is why he starts embracing the villain role so completely from this point on, and why he’s never quite able to make the same sort of cold, calculating sacrifices in chapter 5 that he did in chapter 4.

I hope this helps answer your question, anon, along with the other chapter 4 post I wrote! Thank you for all your support!

[protagonistheavy]

Just watched the war episode of Ben 10 Alien Fours and I can't decide if this is the best episode or the worst episode so far. But I can tell you it's my favorite purely because it's the episode to get me to react the most.

Tall order for the Ben 10 writers: a whole episode about war, its different effects and qualities, and Ben's effort to bring a universal peace. Going in, I was absolutely skeptical of whether or not they could uhh be responsible enough for a topic so real. I already had a mature perspective into the series, critical of things like the Plumbers being "space cops" and what that morally says about the series. I don't get too caught up on it, I get that it's not trying to get moralistic about these things... but it inadvertently does of course.

Anyway yeah Ben 10 tries to approach the issue semi-seriously but overall mostly as a joke. There are literal red guys vs blue guys led by generals that are exactly the same. There's a lot of on-the-nose subjects addressed: war causes famine and stress onto the citizens, weapon manufacturers and traders have an incentive to want wars to go on and play for both sides, the wealthy elites and war leaders reap benefits while everyone else suffers and they know this and thus mutually agree to never-ending war, etc. But also there's wacky shenanigans that hinder the seriousness of all those qualities: offering to shake with the wrong hand is an insult, soldiers are willing to literally sit down and listen to someone lecture them about war, both sides are arguing over whether a statue was red or blue, etc.

So if I try to take this episode too seriously, it's a real wtf episode. Because ultimately it leads to Ben having made things worse, with the original alien girl that messaged him specifically saying that she's working twice as hard in the factory and hates Ben even more than war. It's so vicious. The moral here basically DOES insist that war IS some sort of sick human ("human") nature that's inevitable and that efforts to make peace only make things worse. A VERY bleak message.

But as a comedy, this episode is so fucking funny for being that messed up. My absolute favorite part of this is that Ben's method of direct action, where after he realizes just talking to the two generals will do nothing, he gets gradually more aggressive... At one point, the little alien girl says "I believe in you Ben 10, I think you can do anything :) uwu" and Ben smiles and then transforms into HUMUNGOSAUR and INTIMIDATES the two generals into stopping their argument. Later he gets desperate enough to outright KIDNAP both generals, throw them in a cave, and threatens to harm them if they don't come back out with a peace treaty. I love this approach!! Finally a super hero with some sense and I'm not even kidding. It's just so funny to see it be done and without anything said against Ben for acting this way -- yeah, it doesnt work for long, but only because the generals manage to get away. Ben was FULLY COMMITTED to the cave strat, which meant he would have been torturing military leaders. WE STAN.

Another hilarious aspect is Kevin's b-plot, where he takes over a literal underground weapon trading ring, wherein he steals guns from both sides, paints them the other color, and sells them to the other side. Which begs the question, why doesn't he simply steal the weapons and sell them back? This is funny to think about because at one point they realize they can just paint everything white. (SYMBOLISM??????) So you can see the hilarity in this, right? Kevin lands on a planet specifically to end the war, and his bad boy attitude is so bad that he actively PUSHES for the war to continue so that he can make an easy profit. That is so fucked up and so Kevin. Can you believe this guy is a Plumber aka a space cop? Yes! Yes I can. He's the son of a cop too so it really is just in his blood, huh.

And what a great beginning to an episode. Literally just Kevin and Gwen drinking smoothies at night. Ben walks up and says he's been looking for them all morning -- even though it's night, like every scene in this show is set. He says he needs them for a mission to end a world's war. Gwen says she has other plans, Kevin just says "nah." It feels like somehow even they knew that the plot ahead was gonna be a waste of time.

[mister-maiden]

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night. A love letter to metroidvanias

Betcha thought I was gone.

Guess again, Cultists.

From the faint sound of a piano in the background to the delicious plates of meat and apples hidden in the walls, Bloodstained just screamed Castlevania at me and I simply couldn't be more overjoyed. Just..UGHHNN man, this game scratched a certain itch that was lingering on the tailbone of a mildly neglected butt that is my Castlevania pants. And man this just DID it for me.

For starters. The graphics are absolutely stunning in most areas. From your roaring ships on the seas to your books flying from the walls. Nothing ever seemed out of place for its unique animation style. The only game I could really say it reminded me of was Castlevania: Symphony of the night.

It has this gorgeous atmosphere to it of Victorian style that played throughout the game, throwing a twist to every trope it could find. Water areas, fire areas, gearpunk are- you get the shebang. It's a wonderful adventure...however, this could be seen as a bad thing.

Several rooms made me feel like I was just...*going through* them you know? As in there was simply absolutely no substance to it besides having it be a room for a mid-weak level enemy. This made it worse having to go back and farm enemies for certain items and drops...Looking at you Dragon Eggs and Beast Milk...though honestly, this gripe may just be due to my personal tastes. Though this can be easily avoided if you use Johannes the alchemist to destroy certain items for their components...but this is hella expensive.

Speaking of ememies!...um...Well yeah.

Bosses were cool! Well. Some bosses. Half of the bosses made me feel like I was just smashing the attack button and standing in one place while the better bossfights forced me to change my playstyle, spells, hell even my equipment. They did a great job with the bosses that interacted with my own placement, but did a poor job with bosses that could be beaten without even moving.

There are many enemies as well. Several I recognized. The walking grunts that walk at you viciously. The giant that does tons of damage but is easy to read and dodge, the smalll....ANNOYING ENEMIES THAT DO DAMAGE AND ARE IS NIGH EKEHRJ-

The enemies were nicely done. All with their own weaknesses and strengths according to the abilities and weapons you used. A small enemy could be dispatched quickly through a broad stroke of a great sword or a bigger enemy with armor pierced with a spear, ect. I don't have anything good or bad to say about the enemies because they just feel...*alright*. I mean there's just really nothing special to these enemies compared to enemies in other games. They were just there to be there..nothing wrong with that though. The only gripe I had was the lack of diversity in demons. They were just three different stages of the same demons I face in the beginning: Weak, mildly strong/strong, Giant. That tactic of making the player feel like they are progressing felt sort of cheap. A darker enemy of the same model isn't different enemy

What was far more important and interesting was the ABILITIES each monster gave you.

See, through the game, every monster you face has the chance of dropping a shard which bonds to your character's body, giving her several abilities. Ranging from fireballs, bats, and burning acid to shadows, increasing your strength, and more.

You may equip up to four regular spells called conjure shards

A passive shard which passively increases a stat or provides some benefit

A directional shard which allows you to point the spell with your hand via the joystick.

A manipulative shard that manipulates objects and spaces around you.

Skill shards, which gives you passive skills you can turn on and off. These are probably some of the most important shards in the game which are generally found after a boss fight.

My FAVORITE shard: Familiar shard! Allows you to have a familiar along the screen! My favorite being this cool little silver Knight that blocks projectiles c:

Each shard has their own circumstances to be used and best creatures to be used against which is great. Just the rediculous wide range of spells allows the player any range of choice and playstyle. My favorite is flooding the screen with bats. You may upgrade.

Weapons and armor are always in supply. Some found in secret areas while others are only unlocked via finding recipes for the alchemist to make. All have their own merits with some holding special skills you can use on monsters (example: a specific spear or set of spears allows you to sprint forward at rediculous speed). Sometimes I felt like I wasn't doing any damage before realizing I had to move on to the next weapon tier. Sometimes this can workout poorly for games since the progression relies on how well you do damage instead of how skillful you are with how you use your weapon, but I didn't seem to mind at all of Bloodstained's usage of the tiered weapon system.

Now, with over 100 of spell choices and weapons to use against a wide variety of enemies, it can be a hassle to constantly switch between spells and weapons in the menu...which is why the game introduces the quick select wheel!..later...in the game...which was a huge issue for me personally.

The quick select wheel came a bit later in the game which was strange since I had quite the number of spells and weapons I had. A problem I saw immediately with it was that I had to actually unlock more quick select slots by finding them, hidden and scattered through the game. I think this was a poor choice due to how the game encourages the player to play with their setup yet constricts them by locking these slots that didn't need to be locked in the first place. Maybe it was to give more incentive to the player to experiment with their mobility, but I still don't enjoy it. They should have had all options unlocked.

So now that we have combat and art out of the way, I'll talk about the TOWN features.

As in other metroidvanias, we have a homebase like area which holds several quests and people of interest to talk to. A farmer which can be given seeds to grow crops, a nun which gives you fetch quests to find items in the field to say goodbye to the fallen, an older woman whos hunger knows no bounds. Another nun who is a merchant for you and will also buy your leftover shards, and a fellow alchemist who will transmute items into weapons, armor, and whip up a nice plate of food for permanent stat boosts.

The merchant Nun, or Dominique, will sell you potions, alchemy items, and ingredients. Generally these items are...fairly overpriced, but rightfully so so the player doesn't progress too easily. The prices never change too which makes her interactions pretty concrete. It was nice not having to farm for basic items for potions c: so thank you, Dominique.

Then we have Johannes, our resident alchemist which is where a lot of our time is going to be spent.

Johannes takes the items we find from monsters, and puts them to good use my transmutation. He's the man who helps us make our ultima keyblade!..well, stronger weapon. This can be a tad annoying as some enemies take quite some time to farm, but it wasn't a hassle as I could teleport to the room and kill them until I got the item.. honestly this felt...a tad tedious? Then again, not a huge farming fan of repeat killing a monster, but it was needed to get some items.

Johannes also has an option to make you food from the ingredients you find from monsters! (Great idea to cook meat from demons) these meals give you permanent stat boosts after your first bite, but subsequent meals of the same food won't give you anymore bonus stats.

A special interaction is the ability to upgrade your shards! Using items from the monsters you kill (generally the same demon that gave you the shard), you can upgrade your shards to give them a new effect and make them stronger! The shards can be leveled to level 9 and are maxed out from there. This is one of my favorite parts of the game because how ridiculously numerous these spells are in effects. Hell, I can summon a dragon so he can just SMACK the screen like a fly swatter. Nothing makes you feel as powerful as watching a dragon head you summon just spew fire on a defenseless boss.

Now quests. These are...pretty underwhelming and are accomplished simply as you walk along to be honest. You'll finish these without even realize it because of how simple they were. These felt pretty weak in comparison to the rest of the game, but I mean hey, gave me some cool items. These could have been more fleshed out or maybe given the player some better quests that weren't just *fetch this*. Quests were the weakest part of the game.

Story was..uh...well. I'll be honest. My girlfriend even witnessed as I called the plottwists one by one and it was sort of sad. Don't play this game for the story. Truly don't. There isn't a good story here. The story is only here to drive the action and gameplay which is what the developers focused on. The game comes with multiple endings, the true ending being a tad cryptic to get to without knowing a certain secret of what to do with a weapon, but regardless, the story atleast made sense...has just been done before.

Now. Should you buy it?

If you're a fan of metroidvanias...I'd say the price is worth it. About 20-30 hours of gameplay for the avid metroidvania fan..I think (I'll start recording how long it takes me to really finish something hah)

If not a fan: wait for a sale. It's something great to have and pickup. With some gripes about quests and enemies while also having praises for the enhance system and spells, I enjoyed myself. I really did. It was fun. I put it down a couple of times because it was just too much with how large the map felt sometimes, but after getting the hang of mobility and the teleport system, it really felt like a castle to run around in.

-------------------METRIC-------------------

Pros:

• Spell system is EXCELLENT. I wish games had this many spells.

• Combat was nice with weaknesses and different strengths to each setup and creature.

• Map is widely varied.

• Artstyle felt like a callback to Castlevania as well as the music

• Long and worth the pricetag.

• Repayable

•Freakin familiars, man

• Decent amount of weapon choice (even if all do the same weapon attack as a weapon in their same category, each weapon felt like an upgrade.

CONS:

• Reskinned monsters are not good replacements for different monsters. Please don't do that...it feels cheap.

• Story was uninteresting

• The quickslot should be available from the very beginning so I can customize my character. It shouldn't have been a skill.

So that was my review on Bloodstained c: I really enjoyed it after getting used to the controls...also fun tip...USE the backdash. It helps so much in certain boss encounters where every action counts.

Have a nice Sunday, Cultists c:

[anettrolikova]

A day in my life really depends on what's happening. That said, usually I have themes. For instance, I have a priority list, and I have decision logs that chronicle all the things I am trying to figure out.

I end up trying to insert themes into my days. Like today, for instance, I have a meeting with my small team to begin the week; I reserved my afternoon for product reviews—what we call “greenpathing exercises”—where, oddly, I'm trying to discern how everyone is thinking about the main things we're working on. I do this because oftentimes I feel as though I am the connective tissue combining operations, finance, and more formal business functions with the product itself. This connection helps me to make good decisions.

A lot of this is almost automatic by just having a good color coding system, which is really fun

I made two decisions: one, I'm going to try to learn as much about business as possible. But, if business is very different from software architecture, I'm going to be no good no matter what I do. And so, I ran an experiment to treat engineering principles, software architecture, complex system design, and company building as the same thing. Effectively, we looked for the business equivalent of just turning off servers to see if the system has resiliency. For instance, we used to ask people to use their mouse on their non-dominant hand for a day. We introduced these little nudges to ensure that people didn’t become complacent.

I believe that the job we all have in life is to acquire knowledge and wisdom and then share it. I just don’t know what else there is. This is the bedrock of my belief system.

When I get close to any field, I think about how far I want to go. I'm probably further along with programming. I don’t know if I want to get from 90 to 91% in programming when, with the same amount of work, I could figure out the first 60 to 70% of UX or even something like drawing. There’s a recent book about this called Range, which I really like. The book pushes in this direction and explores this topic a bit more than I do. But I just found myself nodding throughout reading it, because it turns out that very often—really, every field has fundamental wisdom that you discover when you're learning and talking to the people who have mastered it. I find that going wide and learning the best lessons from the people who have dedicated their entire lives to a certain pursuit gets you really, really close to mastery.

people show up with a mastery of certain instruments. Someone ends up being the jazz director and the rest of the band follows

I've always gravitated towards competing against myself in most things.

I really love failing. I feel so good when I do something, and it just doesn't work; especially if I get the feedback about why it didn't work. That gives me a project to work at to improve. And so maybe that's sort of interesting regarding losses.

the major reason why video games are valuable is because of this concept of transfer learning. For instance, people who are good at chess understand when it's time to perform tactics, and when it's time to focus on positional development. Not just in chess, but also in life.

I have found it really, really useful to be able to reason about a relationship without getting egos involved too much. I can have a conversation with someone saying, “Hey, you made a commitment to ship this thing, and you did. That's awesome. That's a super big charge on the trust battery, but you’re actually late for every meeting. Even though that's relatively minor—like it decreases 0.1% on your battery—you should fix that.”

It plays a role like that. That said, it's not useful to talk about trust as a binary thing. People are quick to say, “You don't trust me!” And it's actually more, “Well, no, I trust you to a certain level, but you would like more trust; you want trust at a completely different level.”

if your cell phone is 80% charged, you're not worried about finding a charger. But when your phone in your pocket goes into low battery mode, you're thinking about your phone a lot. What people want to do in a company is get to the 80% or 100% level in the area that they run. You gain full autonomy this way. It’s a process that cannot be given to people by title or something like that.

The reason why it was the best thing for me is because it's almost the perfect counterfactual to how you should run a company. I honestly think that, you know, a coin flip has a batting average of 50%. If you just do the perfect opposite of literally everything about that place, you would probably clock in at 60 to 70% of getting everything right, which would mean you would outperform probably 90% of all companies in the world.

Among other things, almost every incentive system was just wrong. For instance, there was no way you would get a promotion or recognition if you weren't dressed in a suit or if you didn’t use slides in a particular way that resembled the legal profession.

It's infantilization because you literally have a policy about how to dress. If you have a policy on how to dress, that means you don't trust people to dress. It was a pretty stark experience.

We are building hopefully amazing software for absolutely amazing people, like people who are unbelievably brave and really adaptable. Society tries to talk people out of this, like no one wants other people to be successful building companies. Silicon Valley might have gotten to a level of enlightenment where company building is actually encouraged, but the rest of the world isn’t like this.

The learning curve of being a great executive is a lot less like learning the guitar, and a lot more like skydiving. It’s the kind of thing you should not do without an instructor. A coach is probably one of the highest returns on investment anyone can do with their attention. An hour spent with a coach has a 10x, 50x, 100x potential return on time spent.

Our strategy was to hire as many high potential people as we could and have them get to their potential much faster than they actually imagined was possible. Personal growth has no real speed limit. It's more dependent on how often a student is ready, and that often depends on the environment and the norms of a culture around the student. For instance, how often is the teacher appearing when the student is ready? If you can line this up at a fairly high hit rate, then people can go through nearly ten years of career development within a single calendar year. I know the 10x thing is overplayed now, but I have absolutely seen it.

Hey, the reason why you've got this job is not because of everything you know, but because you seem like the kind of person who can figure it out when you need to know something.” That's very basic but also very liberating.

One thing that really makes it work is that we are just extremely different. Almost the only overlap we have is in how much we care about the mission of this company. Outside of that, his skill set is extremely different; his input is extremely different; his life experience is very different. It's very intuitive for us when to go with one of our ideas because this is what a relationship with a 100% trust battery looks like.

I had the source code for Linux, I signed up for the Linux kernel mailing list, and I listened to how they talked about computer architecture. I then spent all my time trying to figure out what these terms meant.

The meaningful thing about this story is that it points at a fallacy. The other important thing is it implies that people in groups end up really cancelling each other's good parts and exposing one another's downsides.

why are technical founders overperforming the market right now? I don't actually think it's because they're technical. I think it's because of a very specific childhood experience that a lot of the people running technology companies have had. Most of us grew up in a world which we knew would change significantly because it was really badly designed given what we knew about the potential coming soon. And this potential coming soon was the march of computers and digitalization. I think that a lot of us, including myself, have leveraged this insight into significant enterprise value.

Norman gave permission to really hate the door instead of hating yourself when you push it instead of pulling it. That is not your fault. No human has ever been at fault for pushing instead of pulling. That has always been the fault of the people who designed the door.

People who learn how to think about how to do things in their environment better, and to understand that the objects in their everyday life have not been designed or created by people who are smarter than they are—they are the people who will become entrepreneurs.

[bitter-blooded-demon]

Dear Fred: You are right, I'm wrong, and I apologize. I want you to go to church so that you will have a better life, and an easier life. That is not and should not be the reason one goes to church. The reason that we share the gospel, the reason we go to church, the reason we do missionary work is so that (we and) others can grow spiritually, and learn, and do what we need to to get back to Our Maker. Good luck with your meeting. My prayers are with you -- and you don't need to know that.

The problem with the mindset of going to church to have a better an easier life is... that’s not how it works. That’s just not how it works at all. I can pray, go to church, pay my tithing, take the sacrament... but that doesn’t guarantee that things will go well for me. You can do everything right and still die a horrible painful death at the hands of your enemies. If that kind of mindset does anything, it makes me more spiteful and angry when things DON’T go well despite me doing all that. In the long run it damages my already depleted faith. I don’t expect God to do anything for me, because I’ll just be horribly let down if he doesn’t or if someone’s free agency gets in the way (coughruinedmarriagecough). I also know that God expects us to do as much for ourselves as we can. God also isn’t there to answer ALL the questions. He just won’t. If you need real-time practical advice it’s YOUR job to get it if you can. You might get a feeling one way or another if necessary, but even I know God isn’t going to hold your hand through everything.

Yesterday I needed practical advice. I needed to know from an outside source whether or not I had enough evidence to defend myself or whether I needed more. And in times like that my anxiety is too high to hear the spirit if I even WAS getting anything out of that. As far as my unlucky streak goes, I’ve done everything right and STILL had the world fall around my ears. As it turns out me falling down the stairs has saved me from having to move 80lb boxes of charts around as a wild goose chase. ... so there’s that.

As for me not going to Church... and other misc. spiritual things such as my level of faith and whether or not I’m shaking my fist at God (I’m not) is between me and God. Generally speaking all the times I’ve gotten angry and thrown out that God has no play in the situation and I don’t want to hear about it is because when you bring it up it’s brought up to me as “____ isn’t going well for you because you’re not doing what God wants you to.” .... that’d be between me and God... and you don’t know that that’s the case... especially when the following sentence is “I guess you have to figure out what you’re doing wrong.” If God punished you for not doing EVERYTHING as you should ALL THE TIME... he wouldn’t be God... he’d be Lucifer... you’re playing to Lucifer’s ideals...

If your answer is “Maybe God just doesn’t want you to right now.” That could very well be the case... but as I do not have the Liahona... and as much as I’ve tried to make it magically appear under my couch... I’m not going to get a direct message of where to go or what to do then... and I KNOW God is not very likely to just drop the solutions in my lap. Kind of like the guy in the flood who’s about to drown but turned down all his opportunities to be saved because it wasn’t God saving him... I can’t just wait around for God to fix it... I have to assume that any opportunity that crosses my path *might* be meant for me and I have to go after them. I’m going to be hella disappointed if things fall through... but if I wait for a FOR SURE gift from God... I’m going to fucking drown.

If the answer is “It’s the DEVIL!” A lot of things are the Devil... some of those things are actually God... others are just the Matrix and Free Agency... it’s best to just assume it’s the Matrix and or Free Agency unless proven otherwise... because to think it’s either of the above, you just ruin your faith by wondering why God won’t eventually relieve the burden... which then leads to fist shaking.

As for me not going to Church, or paying Tithing right now... the practice of going to church is to gain more knowledge and faith in the gospel... which I’m not going to do on the hallway couch talking to my mom. I mean, in the classroom I can AT LEAST catch the purpose of the lesson. The rooms were too cramped for me to even want to be in them, because too many people gives me anxiety... so I have been called to inactivity. Something I’d think you could understand. But the terms and conditions of my call to inactivity and whether or not I’m going to be “punished” for not going (I’m not) are between me and God.

For Tithing. I was paying Tithing. I was paying Tithing faithfully... and you know what... I was facing the threat of soon to be bouncing checks or not eating. So I quit paying tithing, because I couldn’t afford to. I just flat out could. not. afford. that 10%. Not everyone can. How many stories of faithful Mormons elsewhere have we heard who literally had nothing with which to pay Tithing. Literally they pay things with trades and whenever they DO have money it goes straight to the church. I don’t live in a place where I can pay things in trades. And facing down the idea of not being able to pay my bills was LITERALLY affecting my mental and emotional stability and the peace of the household. We flat out were not receiving the blessings of tithing... for what reason I cannot say, it’s none of my business. So I quit paying my Tithe... and you know what? We’re not facing bounced checks or late bills or potential hospital visits because I haven’t eaten. There’s less worry. I don’t think this is a “trick of the Devil” that’s going to end when the other shoe decides to drop. God is not Lucifer in that matter. I think it’s a little bit like when you eat breakfast on Fast Sunday because otherwise you’ll get sick. You don’t get punished for that. And so the Terms and Conditions of my temporary leave of tithe is again between me and God. If you want my personal opinion on this matter... you’ve driven me SO HARD to do everything right, everything by the book, EVERYTHING God wants me to do. EVERYTHING RIGHT. out of FEAR.... I repeat FEAR... that if I didn’t God would punish me and take everything away from me and I would suffer.. that this is a lesson in NO that’s not how God works. I DON’T have to do everything right. I DON’T HAVE to go to Church every Sunday. I don’t HAVE to pay my tithe to the penny. I don’t HAVE to read my scriptures nightly, say my prayers, go to all side meetings, get my patriarchal blessing, have Family home evening, have a Temple Marriage and an idealistic Mormon life. I don’t have to be a perfect Mormon to get God’s love and Blessings. I just HAVE TO DO MY BEST.

I think that’s the lesson I’ve been meant to learn here. Even if I do everything right doesn’t mean I’m going to get ALL the blessings available. My family dissolved even when I was doing everything right. But I thought maybe it was me who was still doing something wrong... I couldn’t figure out what it was so I became angry... and then the Tithing thing happened... I’m not paying tithing but I’m getting the blessings OF tithing... in so much as I can make ends meet without stressing out about it. Solidifying that I DON’T have to do everything perfect 100% to get God’s love and Blessings... and if I’m unable to do everything perfect and to a T that’s OK. Because as long as I’m doing my best God will make up the difference.

And I think that’s something you also need to take out of this. You cannot force someone to Church. You cannot force people to do what they should. Dangling the carrot of God’s blessings is a wonderful bit of incentive (and also the cause of severe mental complexes and anxiety) ... but if that carrot doesn’t pull through like you promise... well... you could potentially chase someone AWAY from the gospel. It’s not your job to force or coerce someone to stay. Don’t be Lucifer. It’s your job to teach your children right from wrong and why (not just because God says so) help them understand the teachings of the gospel, and hope that they use those teachings and those tools and continue being faithful members on their own. Otherwise they could be robbed of ALL their blessings even if they are doing everything as they should.

Outside of that, what you DO have is a plethora of life experience and practical advice... and sometimes it’s that, that passing of the knowledge of experience is what is needed at that point in time. Sometimes God’s answer to someone’s prayer is YOU and the knowledge only YOU hold.

[songmingisthighs]

Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxiii - weeping

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??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

It took Seonghwa a while to work up his courage and knock at your door. True, he was the one who contacted you first but truth to be told, he wasn't thinking when he chatted you up. But he had already said that he was coming so he had to do it.

You called out from inside with a shaky voice, very noticeable to Seonghwa. Before he walked in, he took a deep breath to calm his mind and stabilize himself. When he felt he was ready, he opened the door and peeked in.

"Hi (Y/N)," he greeted. You were sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, initially staring at your bed before snapping your head to look at Seonghwa. From your bed, you forced a smile at him. The use of your name was rather... hurtful but you couldn't complain after what you've done. Yeosang's words kept replaying in your head nonstop

"Hey, Hwa, I'm sorry," you said, your gaze dropped to your intertwined hands on your lap.

Seonghwa raised an eyebrow at you and walked towards your bed after closing the door behind him. He took a seat by your side, rather awkwardly if he had to admit.

"Why are you saying sorry for?" he asked. He had an idea as to why you said sorry. But to him, it wasn't that important at the moment, he was honestly just glad that you were unscathed.

You couldn't look at Seonghwa directly, the shame and fear were eating you alive and it made you uncomfortable. You wanted to tell him how you felt, how sorry you are, and what drove you to wordlessly disappear like you did.

But you don't know how to start.

So you sat silently as tears began to drop from your eyes.

Seeing this, Seonghwa's heart broke and he immediately enveloped you in a hug. "Honey, why are you crying? Did I said something wrong?" he asked as he started to rub your arms, chuckling slightly. You couldn't let any words out, you could only let out pitiful sobs as you bury your face in his chest, your arms slowly wrapped themselves around his slim waist.

Due to the uncomfortable position, Seonghwa slowly leaned back onto the headboard with you so you could be snug in his arms.

As per usual, Seonghwa's arms felt like home, you felt completely protected and cared for. Which was annoying since you were supposed to be at odds with them all.

You both stayed in that position, completely disregarding everything else. As you sobbed, Seonghwa kept rubbing your back soothingly. sure, you both liked the silence and the calmness of the situation. But there were just a lot of things left unsaid and the both of you realized that there were things that you needed to talk about.

"We really do miss you, you know?" Seonghwa said, breaking the silence. You looked up through your tears to see him smiling softly at you. One of his hands reached forward to wipe the tears off your cheeks, "We were really useless without you, you know?" he told you with a pout. You couldn't help but giggle at him, "Yeah? I was miserable too, you know? I couldn't tell any of you guys where I was and I had to hide at Haknyeon's apartment that he shared with his roommates," you told him.

Just as you were about to get comfortable again, Seonghwa pulled you back slightly to look at your face. He had his eyebrows furrowed whilst looking at you with a weird expression.

"You weren't with your parents?" he asked. It was your turn to be confused. You furrowed your eyebrows back at him, "Well, yeah, I couldn't stay at home," you told him.

It was true. You were tormented knowing that Sunhee, Jinhee, and Gaho knew about things going on at the frat. So much so that it made you paranoid.

In the end, you turned to the one person you knew could protect you, your cousin Haknyeon. Sadly, he had recently moved in with three other men in a nearby apartment which his other seven friends were staying on different floors. The plus side was you had sure security and you were never lonely.

"Why couldn't you stay at- did your parents knew that you were staying somewhere else?" he asked.

Confused at the sudden change of tone in his voice, you sat up and turn to face him with crossed legs, "No, they don't know. Why are you making a big deal out of this? It's not like Haknyeon and his friends are bad guys," you tried to reason with him.

But at the mention of 'guys', Seonghwa's eyes bulged out and he immediately sat up straight, "Guys?? His roommates are guys??" he asked in disbelief.

A bad feeling crept up in you and you suddenly felt like you don't wanna say anything anymore. But you know you had to answer him if you don't want the situation to become worse.

"How many people were there?" he asked. His once soft expression turned hard, his jaw clenching and his fists balled up. "There were three roommates in his apartment, so there were five of us," "Was Haknyeon always there with you?" "N-no, there were times when Haknyeon had to go out to deal with things and his roommates stayed behind, at least two of them were always around,"

You were being honest, so you didn't have to feel nervous. But somehow you do. With how Seonghwa was staring at you, your brain was blaring the danger alarm.

As his fists unclench and his gaze faltered to a softer one, you began to relax slightly. Seonghwa let out a sigh as he looked to the side, seemingly thinking about something.

But then something flashed in his eyes, it was as if he made a sudden realization.

"What did you meant by 'three in his apartment'? Why did you have to specify that there were three roommates in HIS apartment?" he pressed.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. You didn't even realize that you said that. With the way he asked the question, you just knew that the conversation was not going to end well.

"What I meant... Was... That... Uh..." your voice turned softer as you tried to think about the perfect way to explain to him. But the intensity of his stare messed your brain up, "Haknyeon's other friends also lived in that apartment on different floors, so sometimes all twelve of us hung out together,"

At the mention of the actual number of guys there, Seonghwa jumped off the bed to stand towering over you with his hands on his waist, "So eleven!? There were eleven men around you in which three were always with you during the night!?" he exclaimed.

"W-well, if you put it like that-"

"How else am I supposed to put it, (Y/N)!? You LEFT us for whatever reason there were only to go to an apartment with more guys?? What the fuck, (Y/N)!?" he spat out.

His insinuation that you were out whoring yourself hurt. It hurt so much.

As you tried to speak, your voice cracked, "Y-you think I re-really went out to other guys?" you asked, obviously brokenhearted at the insinuation.

If Seonghwa realized how much you were hurt because of his words, he definitely didn't show it. He let out an exasperated and sharp sigh as he ran a hand through his hair, "I don't know what to think, okay? But Yeosang made a good point earlier; you DID leave us with no explanation and without telling anyone, and now you told me you were staying with other guys? How am I supposed to think!?"

Tears began to drop from your eyes once again, "Hwa, I was with my cousin," your voice was so small, that you were sure Seonghwa couldn't hear you.

Especially with how emotional he got.

"We're not mere options, (Y/N). The fact that I had to tell you that is just infuriating, you know!? We were worried sick about you, and where were you? Having fun with your cousin and his guy friends," he stopped himself when he felt like he was getting overwhelmed. He took a couple of deep breaths with closed eyes, trying to not blow up. As best as he could at least.

After calming himself down, he spoke up again, "I know we were never official, but we told you we loved you and we were genuine about it. If options were what you were looking for, you're with the wrong guys. You're free to make your own choices, but don't play with someone's feelings if you were never sure to begin with," he said before turning around and leave the room.

Feeling hopeless, you broke down and cried out. Tears streamed down your face like a waterfall as your breath became uneven. Your head pounded from the overwhelming emotion and lack of oxygen that tried to enter your lungs through your pitiful sobs.

You tried your best to not cry too loud by covering your mouth and folding yourself into a fetal position on the bed.

The boys really hated you. They all think you were just playing with them and that you left to pursue something more. You considered Yeosang's and Seonghwa's words, how you didn't even try to communicate with them. For whatever reason you had, you just HAD to make a choice alone. A choice that affected nine people.

Maybe it was best to really leave them.

They deserved someone better than you, someone, who would be able to be there with them and be honest and open. Someone who wouldn't just bring shit to them. That someone could've been you, but maybe you hurt them too much to the point that it was all too late.

So you grab your phone from the nightstand after sitting up to dial a number.

The call connected and the person at the other line picked up almost immediately.

"Hello? Yeah, it's me. I-I know it's late and I-I h-have no right to bother you again after everything, but do you think you can help me?"

taglist :

@raysanshine @peachy-maia @xuxiable @90s-belladonna @theclawofaraven @sanraes @sungiehan @felix-kithes @nycol-ie @superstarw99 @skkrtnawrskkrt @viv-atiny @the7thcrow @stfu-xeena @laurademaury @multihoe-net @daisyhwa @scoupshushushu @whyisquill @bikiniholic @yunhorights @exfolitae @simplewonderland @verycooldog2 @perfectlysane24 @hannahdinse8 @tannie13 @aka-minhyuk-kun @phebeedee @em0yunho @marsophilia @donghyuckanti27 @se-onghwa @malewife-supremacy @hyunsukream @elijahbabyb @taejichafe @alliecoady98 @rdiamondbts2727 @hakuna-matata-ya @ohmy-fandoms @spacechubbyatiny @stray-bi-kids @imaaroy @fashi0nablee @rindomo @violetwinters @nabihwa @linhyyboo12 @mirror-juliet @bestboiericsohn @hwahwaseong

[songmingisthighs]

Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxiv - cowards

<< previous | masterlist | next >>

??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

After sending the last text, Mingi and Jongho didn't waste time and immediately rush to (Y/N)'s room. When they arrived, the door was ajar with Seonghwa standing inside. He was staring blankly around, seemingly confused.

"Hyung, have you been here?" Jongho asked, breaking Seonghwa's trance.

"Y-yeah, I did- she left? Just like that ??" Seonghwa asked, still not believing anything that just happened.

Maybe it was Seonghwa's guilt. The fact that his last interaction with you was him accusing you of being a whore didn't sit right with him. There was a lump in his throat and a heavy feeling on his chest. It felt like he was suffocating.

The three of them stood silently, not knowing what to answer.

As they stood silently, the other boys walked in one by one. Wooyoung walked in first with San in tow, they both immediately took note of the silence and just stared at each other with guilt.

One by one everyone else filled the room, staring blankly at the emptiness and letting sorrow and regret fill them.

"S-so that's it? She left us yet AGAIN after having just came back last night?" Hongjoong asked in disbelief. There was no malice in his tone, there were no ill intentions. He was shocked, surprised at the sudden tension.

Mingi turned to look at the eldest with much disdain, "After what happened to her last night, could you really give her blame?"

inking that Hongjoong felt wronged, as he thought his assumption was justified. To be singled out as such was a little bit too much. "Are you trying to be a hero here?" he asked the taller guy. Mingi scoffed at him, "Hero? You think I have some sort of a complex?" "I don't know, do you? I don't think it's a hero complex, but there must be some sort of a messed up complex in you. Because you've been all over the place and overreacting, acting like a mess when you can't find (Y/N) and yet not saying anything when she was here, letting Yeosang ran his mouth at her, driving her off,"

At the mention of his name, Yeosang spoke up from the corner of the room. "I drove her off? Are you fucking serious?" to which San, who was by his side scoffed, "Weren't you the one who verbally attacked her last night? Calling her out on leaving without any explanation was one thing, but to call her a wandering tramp?" "Okay, I was looking out for all of us. YOU especially, San! You don't know how much it affected me seeing you all broken down and you even fell into depression! As your friend, I was fucking worried!" Yeosang defended himself.

Wooyoung chimed in, scoffing at his long-time friend, "Looking out for us? From what? From who? The woman we love? If you wanna go off on her, that's one hundred percent your choice, but don't use us as your excuse. That's just pathetic, man," he told Yeosang whilst glaring at him.

Seonghwa got in between the two, preventing them both from going at it even further. "Okay, enough with you two, you both can't be fighting during this time. Yeosang might've said some... unnecessary things to (Y/N) last night, but things aren't completely his fault," he reasoned.

Surprisingly, Yunho chimed in, smirking at the older man, "You got that right," he muttered. Yunho's voice was intentionally loud enough for everyone to hear, but still low enough for it to seem snarky.

At his chime, Seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows at Yunho, "what's that supposed to mean?" Yunho stepped to Seonghwa while tilting his head as if challenging him, "Don't play dumb, hyung, I heard you last night. Here, you mentioned Yeosang calling (Y/N) names when you basically called her the same thing,"

Whilst the others were left confused, Seonghwa visibly froze. His demeanour changed to a nervous one.

"Yunho, what the fuck are you talking about?" Hongjoong asked.

Yunho looked to the side at Hongjoong casually, "I walked by when I was about to get water last night when I heard yelling from inside her room. Whatever they were talking about, I heard Seonghwa hyung yelling something about (Y/N) staying with guys other than her cousin. The implication was bad, I even heard (Y/N) crying,"

All eyes suddenly shifted to Seonghwa. "Hyung, you made her cry?" San asked, not able to completely believe that Seonghwa was capable of doing that to (Y/N).

Tension rose in the room and suddenly everyone was arguing with each other. All but Jongho who stayed by the sideline, watching the whole thing unfold between his older friends with disappointment in his eyes.

"What happened?" you asked him, appearing by his side out of nowhere.

Jongho sighed before crossing his arms, "They're blaming each other because you left again," he muttered. You frowned and furrowed your eyebrows, "But, I haven't left yet?"

At that, Jongho finally looked at you properly. His eyes widened as wide as they could go, "Oh, hey! You're still here!" He exclaimed loudly, capturing the attention of everyone who was bickering inside.

You stared at them weirdly, "Yeah? Why is that so surprising?"

Mingi stepped out towards you slowly, his hands reached out to grab yours in his softly, "W-we thought you had really left again," he told you, his voice broke from how glad he was.

But that relieved feeling was soon crushed when he heard your answer.

"Well, now I am. I was making sure of something and waiting for Haknyeon to come to pick me up. Since he's here now, I'm... Gonna go," you smiled at them gently. Despite that, there were clear indications that the smile you wore was one of a broken heart.

Seonghwa couldn't help but let his words slip without thinking properly, "You're going back with him and his friends?" to which Yunho immediately nudged him hard on his stomach.

You turn to look at Seonghwa directly. You shook your head at him before answering, "No, I'm not going back to his apartment. Wouldn't be right for me and wouldn't be fair to him. He's just escorting me to my old dorm where I will be staying," you told him. Seonghwa immediately gulped after hearing your answer. He felt bad for jumping to that conclusion, especially after you told him where you were going.

At this point, San had tears brimming in his eyes, blurring his vision, "Wh-why are you going again, (Y/N)? You just got back," he asked as he walked closer to you.

Seeing his tears, you couldn't help but get emotional as well. you let one hand off of Mingi's grasp to cup San's cheek, rubbing it gently with your thumb, "I just have to, Sannie, I'm sorry. I... Just came back up here to tell Mingi and Jongho directly that I'm gonna go now,"

Wooyoung pushed people away to charge directly at you, "Only Mingi and Jongho? That's it? The rest of us didn't even deserve your goodbyes?" there was no resentment in his voice, you noticed. His eyes, however, showed much sorrow.

You sighed and shrugged at him, "With how things went last night, I don't even know if you all wanted to see me again, that's why I tried making my escape as quickly and silently as possible,"

Hongjoong suddenly spoke up, "See, I don't think you wanna leave at all, because if you do, you wouldn't tell us at all and just leave,"

The way he said it set something off in you. Your previous calm demeanour switched within mere milliseconds as you answered Hongjoong bitterly, "of course I don't wanna leave. You think this is easy on me?"

Without realizing it, you slipped your hands off of Mingi's grasp and San's cheek. The others who were in the way moved to the side to let you face Hongjoong directly, slightly afraid of you, "You really think that I came back here just to leave the next day? If so, then not only that you're dead wrong, but you're also an asshole. Every single one of you is acting like I've only been playing around with you all, going back and forth as I please because I don't know what I want. You don't even know why I left. Maybe most of it was because I didn't tell you guys, but part of it was because neither of you even gave me the chance to even explain last night. All of you just turned your backs on me and walked away," you laughed bitterly.

Your words struck them deep. Because they were all true. You might have been the one who started the fight, but they were the ones who delivered the final blow. Not to mention they're male adults who should've been able to communicate and made better decisions. Lastly, there were eight of them and one of you, how was that fair?

The silence and the expression on their faces said a lot, you realized if you were to tell them everything, that was your chance.

So you took a deep breath and spilt everything to them.

You told them about the threat Sunhee gave you, the proof they had, and how they planned on ruining their futures. You told them about how you felt like you didn't have any choice and how you didn't want to make things worse so you just listen to them until you were able to think of something, you wanted to protect them. You also told them how paranoid they made you and how you almost went crazy from worrying over them whilst having to be worried over what those crazy bitches might do.

When you finished talking, you realized that the boys had had tears streaming down their faces. You could see their resolves wilting away and being replaced by regret and shame.

Without even saying anything, Wooyoung pulled you into his arms tightly. He cried, saying how sorry he was for how he acted last night and how he should've trusted you more. Yunho and San wrapped their arms around you too, despite the tears streaming down, they managed to utter how sorry they were for not doing anything. Soon, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, and Jongho attached themselves to the growing group hug as well, wordlessly showing their remorse. Despite their lack of words, you understood them just fine.

At that moment, you felt safe, you felt relieved that you were finally able to tell them everything. Things finally seem like they will go back to normal.

Maybe except for one thing.

You lifted your face from where it was nestled in the crook of Wooyoung's neck to meet eyes with the one person who was still rooted in his position.

Yeosang immediately looked away, an attempt you assume was to cover up his own tears.

Though heartbroken that he seemed to still resent you, you took the current win and let yourself bask in the warmth the guys were giving you.

You promised yourself then and there that you wouldn't act so carelessly anymore.

At least not without letting them know.

taglist :

@raysanshine @peachy-maia @xuxiable @90s-belladonna @theclawofaraven @sanraes @sungiehan @felix-kithes @nycol-ie @superstarw99 @skkrtnawrskkrt @viv-atiny @the7thcrow @stfu-xeena @laurademaury @multihoe-net @daisyhwa @scoupshushushu @whyisquill @bikiniholic @yunhorights @exfolitae @simplewonderland @verycooldog2 @perfectlysane24 @hannahdinse8 @tannie13 @aka-minhyuk-kun @phebeedee @em0yunho @marsophilia @donghyuckanti27 @se-onghwa @malewife-supremacy @hyunsukream @elijahbabyb @taejichafe @alliecoady98 @rdiamondbts2727 @hakuna-matata-ya @ohmy-fandoms @ateezminonspace @stray-bi-kids @imaaroy @fashi0nablee @rindomo @violetwinters @nabihwa @linhyyboo12 @mirror-juliet @bestboiericsohn @hwahwaseong