#What even is this clusterfuck

[acaptainbyanyothername]

I have to credit @asamis-jodhpurs for this incredible meme they made about Spahr only discovering his feelings for Phineas when he thought Phineas was DEAD, because I think about that all the goddamn time. Like, the implications of him figuring out what Phineas meant to him and falling in love with a ghost is CRAZY.

It’s like… okay, you are Jonas Spahr. You had so many chances and you failed each one, but now you realize there were more chances you didn’t even realize you wanted until now, when it’s useless and too late. You think he’s met a horrifying end on an islet you abandoned him on. And the GUILT OF IT, to feel like you PERSONALLY FAILED this guy and all along he meant THIS MUCH to you. It was beyond mentor/mentee, beyond romance, this guy was literally your person and you just had your head too far up your own ass while he was fucking ALIVE to even realize it. You only realize how much he meant to you once he’s no longer there to know, and isn’t that so fucked up of you? One of the reasons he died was for your favor, something neither of you knew how much of it he had all along. And now he’s dead, no coming back from that, and it’s your fault, and you’re left with all this love and affection you can do jack shit with and probably wouldn’t have saved him anyways. You personally accelerated him to his death when you brought him into this society, and you had the audacity to believe you were saving him. You were the one who doomed him from the start, motherfucker, and your arrogance said that was doing him a favor. Everyone around you is telling you to get over him, when you just finally figured out what he meant to you.

But even with these intense feelings, even feeling the regret of opportunities missed, you know you couldn’t have done anything anyways. Even if you had been aware of these feelings when he was alive— you were Prime Consector, he was Adsecla. You were Valorous, he was Caenemous. While you did fail every chance you had, your failure was inevitable due to your respective places in society. It would never have worked, but regardless those problems seem so distant now that he’s dead and everything’s changed. It was doomed before it began, but the “what if” still haunts you— most of all, you just wish you could have saved him. You’re haunted by his ghost and on some level you want to be because the grief means you truly cared about this guy, and you’re no longer sure how many things you’ve actually truly cared about in your entire life.

And… maybe, just maybe, if somehow he’s actually alive, maybe you don’t actually want to be Consector or Valorous all that much anymore. Why choose to be torn from him a second time? Why not finally make the choice to do anything you can to save and protect him, in the way you failed to last time?

Well, sure is a shame he’s dead, and you’ll never get that second chance, oh wait who’s that in the Arca—

[ace-and-ranty]

...Lord Jesus, I just realized.

In Book 1, when El says "I should have blown the bloody doors off in my freshman year, and shown everyone back then"... if she'd done that, she would be flat out dead.

If El had earnestly wanted to be in an Enclave, if she'd shown off her powers her first year at school, Ophelia would have found her. She'd have found out about El several years younger, less powerful, locked up in the school. Before the big Enclave war started kicking off in the outside world to distract everyone. And Gwen would have been alone at the commune with no idea they were in danger.

Can you imagine what that woman would have done?

El would have been toast. She'd have been a sitting duck. If she had ever tried to pursue power and fame, it would have killed her.

[sheryl-lee]

no because i just remembered a few extra things that make the teen wolf m*vie even more of a pathetic exercise in clownery:

allison staying Alive and getting back together w/ scott means that they’re doing a dan/serena in s3 of gossip girl (in that they are dating. while their parents are ALSO dating. ew. gross. what the fuckkkkk)

the age gap between malia and parrish is JUST as gross as when they tried to make lydia and parrish a thing in s5 and it’s disgusting and i hate parrish on the basis that he is an empty husk of a character who’s always Just There and Shirtless Whilst On Fire

speaking of, derek dies by setting himself on fire. FIRE. the same thing that killed HIS FUCKING FAMILY????? and he sets himself on fire in front of his own son which he would never do because he went through the same thing when he watched his family die???? 🥴 huh?????

isaac took the box that contained the nogitsune in it w/ him to like france or whatever. so how the fuck do liam and discount!kira have it with them in JAPAN????? 

the logistics of derek having a 15 yr old child is so ridiculously dumb like they didn’t even TRY with that it makes no sense and the only person who could be the mother is fucking kate argent (derek’s literal rapist) and i hate that so much

stiles would never leave the jeep behind. the jeep is the only thing he has left of his mother. why would he leave it in beacon hills and then never return to beacon hills. lmao.

in the s3 finale, the pack defeats the nogitsune with a WOLF BITE. because he “can’t be a fox and a wolf” (direct quote!). so how the fuck does the nogitsune come back and turn into a *squints* FOX WOLF HYBRID is this even real-

lydia said that her grandmother had banshee premonitions of her own gf dying, and even though she tried to prevent it, her gf died anyway. so how can lydia be 100% sure that if she breaks up with stiles, he still won’t die????? lmao

how are derek and scott both true alphas if there’s only 1 in like a 1000 years or whatever the fuck i forgot but. it’s still stupid

there’s probably more but yeah this is what happens when you can’t just leave well enough alone. let things end. not every piece of media needs a reboot revival requel sequel spinoff whatever. just let things go instead of sacrificing your fans and creativity for a soulless cash grab 🫥

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Do you listen to music? And if you do what artists/genres/songs do you like? ^w^

music! yeah! that sure is a thing i listen to! um. i like a lot of it <3

[colinfeatherington]

just saw that “cressida is sophie” theory and my life flashed before my eyes. the fallout of that… it would be insane

[hazellvsq]

yeahhhh this is a copout and i would actually like to know the answer. what happens when they disagree on something. if hazel fucks up does frank have to make her run laps or some shit. if frank fucks up does hazel have to oust him. would this relationship not cause a massive conflict of interest.

[savage-rhi]

*inhales deeply*

LET'S GET DANGEROUS....

I know I don't owe anyone anything, but I want to be transparent about why I've not been as active lately.

My recent job loss and the discrimination that contributed to said loss had me severely depressed. After coming down a little from survivor/PTSD mode, I needed to take space from everyone and everything. I am starting to feel better, thankfully.

I have been performing odd jobs in my neighborhood so that I am good on cash for bills and housing this month and part of next month. Beyond that, I don't know what to expect.

I am still working on my Ko-Fi shop. This is one of those things I jumped right into thanks to survivor mode, and I didn't account for everything as thoroughly so I'm taking my time with it.

I did speak to a few legal advocates and a couple of lawyers during these past few weeks. Here's the good, bad, and ugly:

Good: Yes, there was illegal discrimination at play. My place of employment didn't handle things the way they should've regarding my excused absences related to disability, and they contributed to emotional duress and screwed over my education prospects.

Bad: I didn't have a paper trail for everything, but I had enough to prove that I did what I was supposed to do on my end when it came to adhering to my place of employments processes. There is sadly nothing that can be done about the third party health insurance company that played a role in screwing me over.

Ugly: Even with the pro-bono stuff that was offered, I'm looking between 20,000-35,000k out of pocket if I wanted to take this to the highest.

Folks...I do not have 20-35k lying around nor the emotional bandwidth to go through a trial/suit. Yes, GoFundMe is an option if I was dead serious on dragging these fuckers dicks through the dirt, but guys, honest to god, I'd rather that 20k-35k go to the following:

Keeping a roof over my head and food on the table until I have stable employment

Ensuring I can afford medical care for my disability, and afford new tests that I'm going to need for long-covid issues

Help me stay in my graduate courses/obtain my therapy licensure

Use it to help out other disabled folks in similar situations

I have closure that I was indeed wronged, that I did everything on my end to the best of my ability, and these dehumanizing assholes aren't going to rob anymore of my energy or time than they already have.

I have appointments to see if covid has fucked up or contributed to anything more serious that hasn't been addressed. I have a secondary PCP now cause of health concerns that have gotten worse. My fibromyalgia flares have been more chaotic since catching covid in January and I'm still figuring out what my new baseline is with that.

Spring Term of my graduate studies started last week, and I'm getting as much as I can done so I have more free time.

I am trying to find motivation to work my fanfics, drabbles, interacting, etc. It's been hard with everything.

My former employer is trying to get out of unemployment benefits and I've been battling that on top of the other stuff.

I need time to rest (like hibernate) and I haven't had the opportunity to do that.

Thank you again to everyone who has checked in on me, asked me how I've been, sent something positive, or donated. I'm sorry I haven't had the hit points to get to everyone individually, but I am trying and I am grateful for the compassion and appreciation.

If you still want to donate before my Ko-Fi shop is up, you can donate at these places:

PayPal: JayRex1463@yahoo.com

Kofi: KitchenRaptorJ

CashApp: $JayRex1463

If you don't have the means, that's a okay. Take care of yourself first.

If you want to send me comfort things (Ardyn Izunia, Higgs Monaghan, Karl Heisenberg, dinosaurs, dragons, etc.) like art, fanfic, etc. my way, that would be wonderful and I am open to that. I'm still open to a friendly hello or check in, just know I won't respond right away.

Now that all is said and done...

[methed-up-marxist]

people's acceptance of depicitions violence that is beyond any definition of ethical in works of art they consume and their corresponding disdain for depictions sexual acts that are completely unethical seems to have a very ready made explanation to me in the way in which violence can often be given an instrumental justification above and beyond the experience of the person doing it. violence can always be justified as "oh im not in this for the pain, the harm, the transformation of bodys im just doing this so as to achieve a practical aim that requires me to injure another party". Obviously this is absurd, people have sex for all manner of different reasons and it is just a lot of fun to kick someone in the stomach. The question would be resolved very quickly and not occupy so much space in my brain if i didnt have absolutely no idea what people who advocate for the position said in its defence because they often have to furnish so little in the way of argumentation given their position is essentially one of the superiority of disgust

[graveyardmouth]

boys when the childhood trauma affects them as people

[ghosthoodie]

fun fact about me, when i drew a lot of homestuck fanart, one of my rosemary drawings was stolen, edited and eventually retweeted to the official homestuck twitter without credit. :’)

original art / edit

but uhh the original account that posted it got suspended, and the official homestuck twitter hasn’t posted since 2020. and i’m still here posting gay splatoon art. so… I WIN IN THE END AHAHA *dabs on the haters*

[imflyingfish]

.

[socialistexan]

While it's nice to live in an area where you aren't expected to go out when there's even small amounts of ice/snow, it's not so nice living an area where our power grid and infrastructure are so fragile that it can't handle small amounts of ice/snow.

Up until about 20 minutes ago, I had power for all of an hour today in freezing cold temperatures. And most of that hour was spent on a work meeting/call. Hellscape.

[pussymasterdooku]

my dad is considering paying his beloved 25 year old employee/emotional affair partner’s income taxes to make a problem go away. this is obviously not going over well with my mother. in fact it may get us the rest of the way to her leaving! so that’s a father’s day for the books

[elytrafemme]

feel like a dick for not wanting to talk to my ex because we did agree to end our relationship as friends and we've been like cordially whenever we do talk but also like... i don't. like. like i know communication is the answer to everything etc etc but i feel like given the fucking everything going on during our relationship if she even noticed the half of it she should kind of intuit that i don't really want to talk about my feelings with her right now.

[synonemous]

Patreon news

so Patreon is now asking for government issue ID from their "mature" content creators, so I will either be closing my patreon or Patreon will take care of that for me very soon. because I don't know about you, but I don't make a habit of handing out my passport or other sensitive information to random sites.

this genuinely stinks. Patreon was great at first, but it's been steadily getting worse, and this is genuinely the straw that broke the camel's back for me. like genuinely, what the fuck.

I will be posting a more in-depth post about what's been going on with me and where I've been soon, but I wanted to drop the Patreon news today since I just got the email. I expect that if things are going to happen, they'll happen very soon, and it will not end well for me. but if that's the consequences I'll have to pay for protecting my sensitive information, then so be it. asking someone to share a piece of information that has your social security number on it is hella sketchy, and I will come out and just say that. because seriously, what the fuck.

here's to hoping that the next post I make will be a more light-hearted one because man, this is not how I pictured today going at all.

[pmakuma]

01 / 07 / 24

it is VERY fucking hard to take this game seriously sometimes