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pastel-peach-writes · 5 months ago

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Attracted | KorrAsami x Reader

╰┈➤ PLOT: After a close call of losing the two girls who mean the most to you, you decide it's time to cut the crap and face the music, your feelings.

╰┈➤ WARNINGS: Not Proofread, No Use of Y/N, 3500+ Words

Part One | Part Three

⍣ ೋ Enjoy!⍣ ೋ

Their stares dug into your soul and pulled out every sense of hiding and masking you've held in for the last few years. Their slight frowns, and disappointment in their colored eyes; it was too much for you to bear.

Were you so prideful in keeping your feelings secret that you'd risk losing Korra and Asami? Was it really that serious to let them think you didn't support their relationship?

You didn't know. You had no way to know.

Now the three of you were staring at each other in the courtyard of Air Temple Island. All parties eager for an answer from you.

However, just because they were eager to get an answer from you doesn't mean you had an answer ready for them.

Just now, in this very moment, you realized you had a crush on the two bisexuals. You just realized that going to bed thinking about kissing the both of them, holding their hands, and making them laugh wasn't as platonic as you thought.

You hated to admit it but Bolin was right. You hated when he was right, especially since you're often so stubborn. He was never going to let you live this down now.

But that's something to worry about in the future. Right now you needed to worry about the present. Korra and Asami are staring at you with hurt and almost distant eyes. The longer you let the silencer linger, the deeper you hurt them.

What could you even say or do in this moment? Make up some silly lie? Confess to them right on the spot? Make them think you're not accepting of their love? All three options were terrible. It was a lose-lose-lose situation.

"Uh," you nervously chuckled, scratching the back of your neck. The bright sun on Air Temple island shone into your eyes, nearly blinding you from the sight of the red-and-blue-coded girlfriends. You wondered what color you would be if you were added to the pair. "You know, I think I need to attend one of Tenzin's meditation classes. Learn how to ease up and become one with my chi."

"One with your chi?" Asami echoed.

"Yeah. If I'm so tense all the time and not noticing, obviously something is off. Maybe even wrong with me." You gave them another shrug. "I can't be one of the best members on the Krew and not be one with my chi."

Korra let out a chuckle. "'One of the best members'?" You nodded at her statement, a cocky smile growing on your lips. Korra shook her head, her smile from her chuckle staying on her face as she crossed her arms. "Who said you were one of the best?"

"Oh, isn't it obvious, Avatar?" You mimicked her stance and Asami did the same, matching the teasing smiles on your faces.

"Must not have been," Korra rebutted. "Sounds like you still got some work to do."

You could only laugh at her playful words. Although her statement was true, it was for the wrong situation. You did have some work to do. You had to work through and process your growing crushes on Asami and Korra in hopes you can get over them and have them never find out about your crush.

That should be easy. What's a little crush going to do to you?

"You're right," Tenzin said as he waved his palms over your torso. You were serious about taking meditation classes from him. You were too tense, hyper-focused on the sapphic pair. You needed mental clarity and hopefully with mental clarity comes a way to get over them.

The Airbender was using reiki, some form of spiritual healing that used energy and intention to ease the human mind and body. He decided to use the technique on you when you came to him about your stress problem. He said he rarely used this technique but given that you're a new student of his, he decided why not?

The man had his eyes closed and waved his arms and body around as if he were airbending. The only difference is that he wasn't airbending at all and in fact was getting a feel of your stress and anxiety levels. "You are very tense," he continued. "The tension lies within your shoulders and sits in your gut. Your chest, too, is tight. If you were an Airbender, you'd be blocked from your ability entirely. It would take months, maybe even years to remove this type of stress."

You heaved a sigh as the monk opened his eyes and returned to his natural standing stance. "Months"? "Maybe even years"? By the time you mastered your chi or removed most of the stress in your body, Korra and Asami could very well be married. Or even worse, forgotten about you.

It was extreme to think of those two scenarios but it's what your mind went to. You're doing this to be better for them, not to risk losing your friendship. If it's going to take years to return to the person you were before you started having feelings for them, they were gone for good.

"Well," you said as another sigh escaped your body. "We better get started."

Because of your circumstance, Tenzin decided to add airbender training to your "Stress Relief Regimen". Like he mentioned, you would be blocked if you were an Airbender but in addition to the spiritual and worldly connection, Airbenders also have a physical outlet. They use their body to navigate through the winds and courses of life. It acts as another way to release whatever your body is holding in.

It's been a few weeks since you started training with Tenzin and you can admit things are a lot better now. Well, physically. You're still blocked mentally and spiritually, but the airbending training traditions were getting easier for you. You ran into the equipment less and stayed on the balls of your feet more often. Even Jinora was impressed.

You practiced day and night while leaving space to meditate and to connect with nature in between. But the cause of your vigorous schedule to train and relax, you've pulled yourself away from the Krew. You rarely hung out with them outside of work and only said hello to them during meals. Day in and day out, you were training.

It was ironic though. You were training and practicing these techniques to become one with your emotions and get clarity on the KorrAsasmi situation but all the training seemed to be doing was making you avoid them.

You were actively running away and towards your emotions at the same time. How you mastered that skill, not even Tenzin knew.

He watched you prance and elegantly move around the spinning panels on the Airbending arena with your eyes closed and your arms in the offensive position he taught you. While you were physically correct, he could still feel a weight of heaviness and emotion rest on your shoulders and sink into your body.

Korra saw it too. That's why she was here standing next to Tenzin and monitoring your training. She knew Tenzin to be a good teacher so she didn't understand why his training kept you away from the Krew so long.

She already went through that teenage rebellion phase with him so she figured he eased up on allowing you to go out and such. Especially since you're not under his care and a grown adult. And as she watched your practice, she knew Tenzin's methods had changed for the better and the pressure lessened. So, if it wasn't Tenzin keeping you away from her. What was?

When practice was over, there was a meditation session immediately after. It wasn't a one-on-one session like you usually had with Tenzin, but actually an open session for the new Airbenders and anyone who wants to learn more about the art. In fact, it was taught by Jinora. Tenzin wasn't a part of it at all.

Korra assumed you kept your schedule busy with not only Tenzin's agenda but the other Airbenders too. To her it made sense. You're pretty much training to be an Airbender just without the bending. So to her surprise when she walked into the class and saw you weren't there, something was up.

"And you're sure they weren't there?" Asami asked as she unmade the bed for the night. She and Korra were in their room, the midnight moon shone through the window and provided natural light for the girls. Korra, just slipping on her white tank, nodded.

"Yup. Now we know Tenzin isn't keeping them away from us. I think it's them who wants to stay away from us." Korra's feet shuffled across the wooden floor, her tush melting into the mattress after she plopped.

"Come on." Asami frowned. "They're not like that. I'm sure it's something else." The paler woman sat beside Korra and placed a well-manicured hand on her shoulder. Korra only sighed again with her head hung low. "They haven't even spoke to Mako and Bolin and they're like brothers to them."

Korra shrugged. What Asami was saying made sense but there was something deeper going on. There was something you weren't telling them and Korra was killing herself trying to find out. "Does it not bother you either?" Korra's sad blue eyes struck Asami's green. "Don't you miss them? Their laugh and how they used to look at us with those eyes? Like we were the world to them. Now we barely get a glance when we pass each other in the halls or in the street."

Asami sighed. Of course, she did. She missed all of it and how you used to compliment them or poke fun. She missed watching you interact with Mako and Bolin and playing with them like they were your blood kin. She missed so much and more. She only placed a kiss on Korra's cheek and moved some hair behind the Avatar's ear. "Come on. Let's get to bed." -

"Good, now breathe while you lift your leg. Your opposite arm follows." You followed Tenzin's notes, lifting your leg and doing a fan kick while your opposite arm follows. When your arm follows, the momentum carried you throughout the move and when your leg landed on the ground, you spun around and nearly womble to the floor.

"Good," Tenzin said walking through the plush grass. "When you use that move, your weight shifts between your standing leg and then the led that lands on the ground. Because of your arm and force of the air, you spin around and when mastered, it's a great move to switch the play on your opponent." Tenzin then cleared his throat, the tops of his ears going red. "You know. If you airbent."

You gave him a slight chuckle. Almost four months into training and Tenzin still forgets you're not an Airbender sometimes.

"Sorry, force of habit." You waved him off and repeated the move, still stumbling when your lifted leg hits the ground. Tenzin instructed ways to land and poses to land into but no matter the note or correction, you continued to wobble.

"Ugh, I don't get it. I'm doing everything right. I'm making sure I'm light on my toes and transferring my weight between my legs," you complained to Tenzin as you took a swig of water.

The Airbending master interlaced his fingers and held them near his diaphragm. "Well, are you emotionally light? Spirtually, mentally?" You nodded as you wipe excess water from the corner of your mouth.

"Yeah. I mean, I think so? I mediate in the morning, evenings, and join some classes at the other Air Temple. I don't know what I'm doing wrong." You walked over to the cemented benches which were really short walls of concrete painted beige. You took a seat, crossing your legs and placing your heels at the edge of the wall.

"Hm," pondered Tenzin as he followed you to the wall. While he can admit your dedication is impressive, he can't help but feel there's something else blocking you, stopping you from achieving your greatest.

It was similar to what he experienced when training with Korra or his failed attempts at connecting to the spirit world but heavier. Almost as if you were avoiding the emotions that kept you planted deep into the ground. If you were an Earthbender, he predicted you would be one of the best.

"Tell me, young one. Is it possible there's something else bothering you? Perhaps problems with family, friends, work even?" He took a seat by you as you contemplated your answer to him.

You've felt good. The feeling of jealousy or even anxiety changed to what some would call a rock. It was as if a flat rock sheet lay on your chest and stomach. Some had a heart of gold and steel, yours wore stone armor.

You gave him a shrug and sipped your water out of avoidance. Your lack of eye contact, expression, and words told Tenzin everything he needed to know.

You were stuck emotionally and he had a hunch it was about the Avatar and her girlfriend. And perhaps the fact that they weren't your girlfriends. Tenzin wouldn't have come to that conclusion if it wasn't for his older sister, Kya.

One day, Kya came to visit and Tenzin told her all about your training and dedication to the craft despite not being an Airbender. When Kya observed your practicing, she could tell immediately you were struck with something emotionally tolling. Something you took Airbending techniques to work through but ended up avoiding.

She did the same thing with Waterbending when it came to a crush of hers.

Also, Kya overheard the Krew express concern and longing for you. More specifically, she saw the faces of Asami and Korra and how their eyebrows knitted together in hurt and confusion. It was the same face she wore when she found out Lin liked Tenzin.

"You need to talk to them," Tenzin spoke. "Avoidance or whatever you call this dance of yours isn't going to better your ability to meditate or to perform such exercises. In fact, it'll stifle your chances and ruin whatever you have left of your friendships." With a deep sigh, Tenzin put a hand on your shoulder. "Take this from someone who focused so hard on training that he almost lost his family. Isolation is not the key to working through hard emotions. You have to work and realize it's not going to be easy."

When your eyes met Tenzin's, you could see his brows downturned as if he was frowning with them. His eyes glossy yet held this certain look in his eye, as if he saw you as his own. His family.

The look stirred a certain guilt in your stomach. It was the same guilt you felt when you watched the Krew interact while you purposely lingered in the shadows. In hopes of bettering yourself, you ended up self-sabotaging.

"Hey!" Bolin chirped as he strode over to you and Tenzin. You quickly blinked away tears and looked at him with a smile, responding with a greeting. "We're going out to dinner tonight. You coming?"

Dinner was nearly normal. The five of you, the Krew and yourself, went to this fancy-ish restaurant where they served everything from Water Tribe food to Fire Nation goods. They also included the more modern dishes that Republic City had to offer.

It was like nothing had changed when you first ate. Everyone was chipper, happily munching on their meals, and cracking jokes like no time had passed between your group.

But then, just as you were almost done with your meal, the mood switched. A metaphorical cloud full of darkness and heavy rain washed over your booth and wind dared to blow you away from your seat.

Korra sighed, putting down her eating utensil and putting her hands on the table in an interlaced fist. "Okay, we have something we need to talk to you about." You barely looked at her to continue. "You've been kinda distant lately and we know it's not because of your training. Tenzin was adamant in easing the intensity of his training schedule, especially now with the new addition to the family and the new Airbenders."

You shrugged for what felt like the fiftieth time today. "I'm taking my craft really seriously. Is that a crime?"

"No," Asami said in a calmer tone that Korra could've given the sass you had in your sentence. "But it worries us. Especially now that you're not even attending Avatar duties anymore. We're a group and we need you. We're empty without you."

You threatened to scoff but instead shoved down the urge with another bite of your food. "I don't know what you want from me."

"Your training was supposed to help you ease up and not be as stressed but it looks like it's doing the opposite," Mako spoke. "You're distant, eat meals alone, and I've never seen someone train so hard for Airbending when you're not even an Airbender."

"Okay, so what? Look, it's my training, my schedule. You guys don't have a clue of what's going on with me so just drop it. Okay?"

Bolin glanced around his table of friends. Nervously picking at his pants, his eyes landed on you and gazed into your eyes. With a tone soft and gentle, he spoke. "So, something is going on."

You sat up a little straighter, eyes on the brown wooden table in front of you. You didn't realize you said that out loud. All that work of being alone and trying not to talk about your feelings nearly came undone with one measly slip-up. "No. Drop it."

"No, we don't want to drop it. What's going on? We can help you." Asami reached a hand out to you but you just snatched your hand away.

The Earthbender at the table sunk down in his seat. He knew what was going on now. He doesn't know why he forgot the last genuine conversation you had just a few months ago.

Your crush on Korra and Asami were eating you alive. What was supposed to be an outlet became a distraction. A distraction from the possibility of hurt, rejection, and loss. If he remembered this earlier, he wouldn't have suggested this confrontation dinner.

The only person who could help you in this situation is yourself and Bolin could see you didn't want that. Not anymore at least. You were perfectly fine losing your friends if it meant the protection of your relationship and feelings.

Although, it's a bit counteractive letting your friends slip away just to avoid a blowup over emotions you couldn't control. Bolin wasn't going to let that slide.

The Krew's been in messy romance drama before. What's a little more? They've prevailed over three times and they could do it again.

"I'm sorry," you took money from your pants and placed enough to cover your meal on the table, "but you can't help me with this. I'm sorry."

Following your departure, Bolin followed you out of the restaurant. Your friends exclaimed and called out for the both of you, but you were too far to hear and well Bolin, he was on a mission.

You stumbled behind yourself as Bolin took hold of your wrist and snatched you back. Your eyes met his, the orange-yellow lighting of the restaurant shining through the windows and making the sidewalk glow.

"You don't have to do this," Bolin spoke in a whisper. "You don't have to hide and pretend you're something you're not just to avoid rejection."

You pull your wrist out of his grip, your brows knitted defensively. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not avoiding anything."

"Please, I've seen it multiple times before. I lived it. The crushes you have on Korra and Asami won't change anything. They won't be weirded out or throw you out of the friendship if that's what you're worried about." The green in Bolin's eyes sought out to comfort you. As before, he kept his voice gentle and nurturing. "Crushes are scary and can leave you vulnerable but you shouldn't avoid your feelings because of it. You'll end up holding things in, the hurt turning into resentment, and the resentment turning into hate."

The Earthbender's palm found its place on top of your shoulder. Like his eyes, voice, and now touch, Bolin comforted you. His words, though similar to Tenzin's, had more meaning. You've seen Bolin get rejected before and heard horrific stories but he never let the embarrassment get to him. He learned, grew, and eventually got the partner of his dreams.

You patted his hand. "That means a lot. I'll try, okay? I can't promise it's going to be a good try, but I'll try and face my feelings instead of avoiding them and letting them turn into something ugly."

Bolin smiled, the joyous expression reaching his eyes. "Good. You won't regret it and you'll always have me to lean on. Don't forget that." Before you could say anything else, he pulled you in for a bear hug and lifted you off the ground.

Maybe Bolin was right. Facing your feelings head-on would make them less scary and who knows, maybe Korra and Asami would get a confession out of it.

To Be Continued. (Last part coming soon!) | Part One

WC: 3,569

#pastel-peach-writes #pastel peach writes #gender-neutral terms #gender neutral terms #avatar korra #avatar the legend of korra #legend of korra #the legend of korra #korra #asami x reader #korra x asami #asami #korrasami #korra x reader #korra fanfic #korrasami x reader #tlok korra #avatar: tlok #tlok asami

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milkandhoneywitchcraft · 14 days ago

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𓍊𓋼 Gassho Meditation: A Basic Overview 𓋼𓍊

What Is Gassho?

Literally translating to “two hands coming together,” Gassho is a form of meditation utilized in many spiritual practices & religions, including Buddhism, Hinduism, and Jainism.

Furthermore, Gassho is the first fundamental pillar of Reiki, and it also functions as a formal greeting!

The Goals of Gassho

The practice of Gassho involves meditating while placing your palms together with your thumbs touching your heart chakra.

The goals of Gassho are to:

Tune out the outside world & clear your mind

Create space to cultivate awareness of and listen to your inner monologue

Awaken the chakras in your hands—that is, the energy centres in the palms of your hands :)

Help cultivate and hold an intention of gratitude

Open your heart

Strengthen your connection to Reiki (if you so choose! You do not have to learn / know Reiki to engage in Gassho 🙃)

The Practice

To engage in Gassho, you create a circuit between the chakras in your hands and your heart. To do Gassho, you…

Get comfortable (meditating is hard when you’re uncomfy!)

Close your eyes

Fold your hands into the prayer position with your thumbs touching your heart chakra

Focus on the space between the palm chakras (alternatively, you can focus on your middle fingers if that’s easier!)

Meditate as long as you can. The goal is to do Gassho for up to 30 minutes, but any time spent is a gift, even if it’s just 3-5 minutes :)

If you find your mind wandering, remember to:

Observe

Gently refocus yourself and remember that it’s normal to get distracted

If it helps, you can press your middle fingers together

Don’t worry or focus on the fact that you’re distracted. It’s normal, and worrying about it will create a spiral. Just gently refocus yourself :)

Remember

Don’t worry about doing it perfectly. You don’t need perfect posture or complete, unbroken focus. Like all meditation, Gassho is a tool you may use to help bring peace of mind and gratitude :)

Happy meditating, my loves! May you all find nothing but balance, healing, and radiance in life 🥰

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cupiddivinearrow · 1 year ago

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What is your 💫💫💫Starseed ⭐️ Connection 💫💫💫? PAC Reading

Website Link: (Still a work in progress. So please bare with me)

Hey, check out my website, "Cupid’s Divine Arrow" with this link: https://cupiddivinearrow11.wixsite.com/cupidsdivinearrow-2

Discord link: https://discord.gg/bsWTW7FKbg

Email: [email protected]

(I offer reiki sessions, energy shields, general, love, career, past lives, etc readings, sigils, etc. at reasonable prices…)

Take a moment to close your eyes and breathe, in through your nose, out through your mouth. When your body feels calm, open your eyes and let your intuition guide you to your pile. It’s okay to pick more than one pile!

PILE 1: CHILDREN OF THE COSMOS

Crystal of Choice:

Smoky Quartz

• Keep you grounded if you're doing spiritual work or meditating

• Encourage a deeper connection to the Earth

• Support feelings of peace and calm

• Help you work through personal fears

🌌 KEY INDICATORS 🌌

Balances

Healing Energy

Empathic

Intelligent

Trouble going with the flow

Humanitarians

Spiritual

Innocent, Pure

Magnetic pull to water

Emotional, full of love, guided by love

Self discovery, Finding yourself

Intuitive

Divinely Guided

Mysteries

Unexpected Discoveries

Gaia, Mother Earth, Earth

Animals of Significance:

Parrot:

love, prophecy, verbosity, mediation

Insect:

Feminine power, spirituality, renewal

Chakras of Significance:

Crown chakra

3rd eye chakra

Heart chakra

Astrological Energies of Significance:

Scorpio

Cancer

Pisces

Capricorn

Aquarius

Leo

Pile 1, this group is a very intelligent group. This pile is big on change and exploration. This pile might often have a traumatic past that can be crippling to some.

This pile may also have REALLY BIG HEARTS and moves out of love, most of the time.

The experiences that this pile undergoes are the stepping stones on their path. This pile often goes through changes, are often healing from friends and family, loved ones, that betray them. It’s hard for this pile to trust.

Pile 1, y’all often tap into your intuition due to the inner knowledge that y’all have buried within, knowledge that’s meant to help guide the Earth through the knowledge gathered from past experiences. This pile is meant to keep moving forward, to push through the hardships that could break an individual.

Pile 1, you may be seen as pure, innocent, angelic. Have a fondness to being close to the water.

Overall, this pile has the inner knowledge to push through any hardship, learn from it, and rise up from the ashes like a Phoenix.

Pile 1, you are here, on Earth, to share with the world about Patience. The world is always on the go, maybe this pile too, and it may be a bit difficult to slow down and just be. Be still. Be patient. Wait. But the thing that Pile 1 wants to express to the world that even when there is confusion on your path, being patient and keep in your faith will help push things along. People forget that faith sometimes requires patience, even when things are unclear.

This pile is big hearted, full of love, and nurturing energy. A part of your soul remembers the peace, unity and love that it shared amongst its soul family before having came to Earth and it yearns to feel that again. So when people hurt you, it strikes deep. Because it’s not really here on Earth. Which is the karmic wound that needs healing. Earth needs to heal the parts that make them stir the pot that causes a rift in unity. This pile is meant to shine a light on what’s keeping the Earth so divided, so it can be acknowledged and worked on.

Earth needs to learn how to tap into that Universal love that we all have access to and learn how to truly be sorry to those that are hurt by the carelessness of others. The shadows, hate, wounds, separation, severing, wrongs, and sadness must be acknowledged to bring change. To bring peace.

Pile 1, you may become a bit irritated or impatient at the idea of having to wait and be patient. Especially when your soul remembers being able to manifest your desire without the need to wait, or being able to listen to your intuition then and know what to do and where you were going vs now, where your intuition may whisper to you or not, and you feel more lost than grounded. Try to remember that other planets move differently than Earth, as well as, any progress is still progress. You don’t have to know where you’re going or what’s going on to move forward, just try to listen to your instincts and take a step. That’s all it takes. And by doing that, you’ll also be teaching the Earth to do the same. You’ll be leading by example which will encourage others to do the same.

Pile 1, have y’all been feeling homesick lately? Is your soul remembering the times it had back home? Remembering the feeling of home? Just know that everything will be okay P1. Try to remember that you chose to come here to Earth and that you’re not alone. You didn’t come here alone. It’s time to fully give in to the human experience. Try to anchor your personality, your soul, and your spirit to the life you are living now. Whether you’re yearning for a place or person to find home, just know that this was your choice. Commit by putting both feet completely in and ask yourself how you can be more so? This has been a challenge for you Pile 1, and it’s one that you can overcome.

Pile 1, your soul is being called. It’s being called to connect with the Earth, with Mother Gaia. So often, we can get thrown in a rut; in a repeating cycle that leaves us moving on auto, doing the same things, over and over again, daily. This can cause our souls to start thirsting for more. Our souls were never meant to be stuck in a box. Limited. Stuck. Unsupported, alone. Stagnant. However, when we give ourselves permission to get in touch with nature and ourselves, it allows us to connect more to Mother Gaia, to Earth. To fill that void that we continue to try to convince ourselves will close if we just move, act, sound, etc a certain way. Allow yourself to listen to that little voice that tells you to go against the grain. It’s time to slow down and spend some time out in nature. Listen to yourself. Be still. Breath with Lady Gaia, Earth, the Divine.

🌎 Closing Comment:🌎

Pile 1, you are being asked to take things slow… one day at a time. Maybe it’s time to start looking into the stars and crystalline grids, which provides stored information that contains ancient codes of wisdom that had been forgotten by humanity. These ancient codes will help Pile 1 to assist humanity with the vibrational shift that’s taking place. The crystalline grid are constantly having stars shower emanations onto it, and information sent back to it once things are balanced on Earth. Lastly, this pile’s vibration may be raising and it’s causing y’all to activate your energy body to its highest form: The light body, which will require this pile to move slow in order to integrate this change.

✨ POSSIBLE STAR SYSTEMS✨

Pleiades

Sirians

Arcturians

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

PILE 2: 🕊️ MESSENGERS 🕊️

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Crystal of Choice:

Rainbow Moonstone

Represents inner clarity

Cyclical change

Connection to the feminine

It is a symbol of light and hope

Encourages us to embrace new beginnings

Closely linked to themes of femininity:

fertility

balance

softness

intuition

🕊️ KEY INDICATORS 🕊️

Harmony

Balance

Divine Feminine

Divine Masculine

Innocent, Pure

Old Souls, Wise

Instinct, Impulsive, Spontaneous

Intuitive

Ice, Water, Emotional

Priest, High Priestess

Trust, Faith, Divinely Guided

Forward Movement

Completion, Ending of Cycles

Ascension

Music

Fate vs Destiny, Akashic Records

Saturn energy

Spiritual Warriors

Gaia

Egypt

Native American

Arctic/ Alaska

Cold/ Ice

CHAKRAS OF SIGNIFICANCE

Crown Chakra

3rd Eye Chakra

Throat Chakra

ANIMALS OF SIGNIFICANCE:

Birds:

Soul, Divinity, Liberation, Creativity, Rebirth

Raven:

Creation, Magic, Illumination

Polar Bear:

Power, Wisdom, Peace

ASTROLOGICAL ENERGIES:

Libra

Virgo

Fire Energies

Some of you may want to check pile 1

Pile 2, **YALL ARE POWERFUL**!!!!! This is the pile that is meant to bring harmony and balance to the world. This pile has dedicated their lifetimes to bringing peace to the world. Y’all might not like big groups or need time to recoup after being in one. This pile may love being near water, or may need to. Some of you may be seeing 222 a lot, 888, 999, 1111. This pile may consist of those that may be on their twin flame journeys. Some of the people in this pile may be highly intuitive, which means you receive lots of downloads from the Divine/ Source/ the Universe. May be immature when it comes to communication, but stay in their heads a lot. May have a lot of love to give but may seem closed off. This pile may love to listen to music, or may be musicians and dancers, very artistic. This pile may also face a lot of trauma that they must heal from, to end unhealthy cycles so you can be reborn. This pile is helps the world to transition by spreading peace around the world through your life experiences that cause you to change and evolve. To grow without going dark. This pile is meant to make moving on and handling issues with Grace. To find yourself through lessons that teach you to let go of anything trying to hold you back and by doing the things you love, things that feed your soul. This pile is all about fairness and Justice through reflection and ascension. This pile is destined to have fulfillment. Y’all are or will be known for making life difficulties look easy. This pile is screaming Spiritual Warriors. You’re all about Faith.

As of late, pile 1, y’all may be letting things be for now. Not pushing anything, but learning to let things come to you. You came to Earth to teach others to do the same. You’re learning how to take the lead in your life. This pile may have a hard time trusting others to lead, as well, in themselves. Y’all might be having a hard time trusting in your actions. However, doubt is part of life. Every hero or leader has doubts, but they had to learn when to push through them. You asked to be here. You asked to undergo these lessons to ascend. You’re here to show Earth that just because something happens that doesn’t feel good, doesn’t mean it was bad or you’re living wrong. Social law vs Spiritual law. Which one matters more? Which one applies more? Care less what others think, and trust your instincts. So often people forget that Earth’s laws don’t apply to what’s meant to be. Now’s the time to help teach the Earth how to let go of control issues by ignoring the background noise, which sometimes, it’s our self sabotaging ways, and focus on your purpose.

Pile 2, have you been facing a lot of difficulties lately that’s been making you feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom? It’s time to love on yourself a little bit harder and have some compassion for yourself. As trying as it has been, please try to remember that situations in life are temporary. That nothing lasts forever and that diamonds are only formed under pressure baby! And you, pile 2, are diamonds in the making, if you’re not one already. So many people don’t realize that hitting rock bottom is a gift. A true blessing. Because the only way you can go is up. And the only way you can truly find out just how strong you are is by learning your fullest potential. Surrender to the alchemy of life. Don’t give up, you’re a Phoenix baby! Rise from the ashes and learn just how powerful you truly are. I bet you’ll surprise yourself in the end.

Pile 2, you may want to learn how to think like the Pleiadeans. You’re being called to learn how to let go of the situations in the past that made you feel bad about yourself. You’re being asked to see the bigger picture. What can you take out of those experiences? Have you tried to ask yourself what about those experiences that left you feeling down and out were a blessing? What did you learn? What was something positive you can take from your experiences. It’s all about perspective. “The glass half empty, half full” saying comes to mind. Just know, an old dog can learn new tricks, and it’s never too late for you to learn something new that could help change the future. Maybe you’ve been feeling inspired lately? The world needs more people that can see the big picture, artists, dreamers, inventors, & visionary thinkers. Trust in the vision that you have and follow through. It takes courage to pace a new path- have faith anyways. Trust that everything will work out as intended. Trust in yourself.

Also, Pile 2, some of you may already know that you’re a pretty strong empath, and for those that didn’t, well now you do... P2, it’s okay to keep some things for yourself. Y’all are so sweet, y’all make be overextending yourself, which can play a part on you feeling drained. So, P2, it’s time to start looking out for self more. It’s okay to take some time to self and to fill your cup. I mean, who’s gonna give you what your body needs and craves if you don’t? You gotta take care of you before you can help anymore. Being an empath, you can draw in others emotions and vibes, and it’s important to take the time to nourish yourself. And don’t worry about whether or not you have time to nurture yourself and do your life’s purpose. As long as you take care of self, the Earth will automatically receive the love that it’s meant to, because it’s literally surrounding you. All you have to do is BE. It’s time to take care of your energetic self. It’s okay, P2. The world won’t stop if you take some time for self, I promise.

🕊️ Closing Comments🕊️

P2, your soul is calling out to you to work on your perspective. It’s time to wake up. Yes, life can be hard. Especially when you’re feeling a calling to find a home, person or place where you feel at home, at peace. Your soul craves it because it remembers it, before all the difficulties of life on Earth. However, the difficulties we face can sometimes cloud of judgement and that’s all we focus on. Not realizing that all it is is a distraction. We’re a small speck of dust compared to what’s really going on out there. Time can be so fleeting. It’s time to see how our mindset affects our ability to follow our contract. Our soul’s experience is a flash compared to what’s really going on in the Universe. Take a moment to see the bigger picture. Find the strength to live on Earth with all your strength and keep pushing forward with great compassion and love from within. Don’t let life’s difficulties change you for the worse. You are a being of love. Try to remember to look at any experience with love in your heart, that’s the only way to truly move forward without allowing poison to warp our perspectives.

✨POSSIBLE STAR SYSTEMS:✨

Pleiades

Sirian

Venusian

Hadarian

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

PILE 3: STAR⭐️KEEPER

Crystal of Choice:

Amethyst Crystal

aka “All Purpose Stone

Inner peace

Happiness

Draws in love

Healing abilities

Assist in curing physical illnesses related to the head, lungs, pancreas, liver, stomach, muscles, and reproductive organs

Increase in Spiritual abilities

⭐️KEY INDICATORS⭐️

Cosmic Ancestors

Portal

New beginnings

Intuitive

Talkative

Balanced

Egypt

Star energy; popular, magnetic

Manifestors

Overthinks

Needs to stay grounded

Artistic

Spiritual

Unexpected Changes

Waters, Bodies of Water, Emotional

Forward movement

Juggling

A shift

Depression

Recognition

Non-Judgemental

Creation/ Life/ Fertility

Greek ties —> Goddesses Artemis or Amphitrite

Egyptian ties —> Goddess Isis

Hunger for life, change, something new

Wish fulfillment

Masculine energy

Destiny

Chakras of Significance

Crown

Third Eye

Throat

Root

Animals of Significance:

Deer

Instinctual Energy, Independence, Regeneration

Cow

Fertility, Purity, Divination

Gull

Water, Creation, Emotions

Animal Deities

Divinity, Guidance, Wisdom

Astrological Energies of Significance

Cancer

Sagittarius

Aries

Capricorn

Mars energy

Neptune energy

Pluto energy

How’s it going P3!

This pile may be into the arts, such as music, dancing, drawing, etc. Some of you may be seeing 111s and 222s a lot. Some of y’all in this group may be intuitive. Some of y’all may have had to move on from things that could’ve left you broken. This pile might have a hard time balancing their emotions and their thoughts. Some of you may be feeling a bit pessimistic or depressed? Some of you may be thirsty for life and might be needing a change? Some of you may be dealing with some people in your life that are deceivers, liars, out for self, and it may be keeping you in a distorted energy. Some of you may be heavy in your masculine energy right now, whether you’re a man or woman (I go off energy, not gender). Some of you may be trying to juggle life, career, or relationships, especially after an unexpected change. Some of you have been manifesting a change in your career or hoping to receive a gift that would be a wish fulfillment. If any of this resonates, then this is your pile P3.

P3, after a long and challenging time, the world is officially undergoing a shift. And that’s thanks to y’all doing your part P3. However, I see you’re having a hard time seeing past the difficulties in life and finding that spark again. It’s okay to focus on your spiritual growth, but you must also remember to live in the 3D. You may be feeling like you recently hit rock bottom. You need to remember that it’s okay to be spontaneous. It’s okay to surrender to pleasure and joy. You really need to focus on filling your own cup back up again. The Universe doesn’t want you drowning for love and fun, but to live! To find that spark that motivates you to keep moving forward. This world will drain you if you let it. Stay focused on moving forward, P3. I guarantee, that your manifestations and wishes are just around the corner. That’s a promise. Also, try to remember that life isn’t a race. It’s okay to relax and enjoy the moment. Enjoy the process. Have no regrets when looking back. You’re so much closer than you know P3.

Awwww P3 🥺🥺🥺 One word. Balance. It’s time to find balance. Some starseeds that come to Earth have a harder time living in it. Some starseeds have a hard time balancing their life out with their spiritual side, finding it easier to be part of the Earth than to worry about other things. This battle between the spiritual and Earth is called Transcendence vs Immanence. Most starseeds feel more comfortable with transcending. P3, you came to the Earth to show people how to balance out the 2. You need to learn how to BE in the world P3. Because you have a hard time having boundaries, it may be hard for you to BE in this world. You’re beings of pure, unconditional love. So you see the good in people, which often leaves you taken advantage of. Some of you have been relationships that you may partake in may tend to be a bit unhealthy, and this happens a lot. Some of you are here to learn how to love while in a separate body. P3, it’s time to learn how to love yourself and establish healthy boundaries. You are full of all the love you need and require. Maybe some of you are in a codependent relationship, or maybe some of you are in relationships where you give more than what you get and it’s draining you. P3, it’s time to establish healthier ways. If you lose yourself in relationships, it’s time to maybe, take some time to self and focus on loving yourself and getting to know yourself better.

Some of you may be Golden Children, aka Children of the Sun (I also heard Ra). Children of the Sun are suspected of being highly intuitive and gifted, but often are treated in a not so nice way on their journeys. Some of you may need to heal your inner child from trauma, and some of you may be expecting or will be expecting soon, and it could be a Child of the Sun. To help bring these intuitive children into the world to nurture and guide. Also, some of you who have trouble upholding your boundaries are a bit of a people pleaser and this is causing you to pour salt in your wounds, while adding on more. You’re not meant to be everyone’s cup of tea. You’re not meant to please everyone. The person you should be concerned with pleasing is yourself. Stop giving away your power. Embrace who you are and who you were meant to be. It’s okay if everyone doesn’t understand you. You weren’t meant to be placed in a box (society standards). Embrace the weirdness. Your uniqueness. It’s what makes you shine.

The life lesson you came here to learn P3, is that anything that is unaligned in your life must go. It’s time to question everything that you know and virtually scan what is acceptable and needed in your life, and what isn’t… or who. The shift that is occurring will be doing the same for the world. Society, the World, how people think…? The Unseen will start to be seen. Everything will start to change, or it will not survive. So you must make sure you’re doing your part. Yes, it may be difficult, but it is necessary. It’s time for the world to be reminded how the Universe operates, which isn’t based on what society is pushing today. It’s time to dismantle the ways and beliefs that are no longer serving. It’s time for you to trust in what you need to do and take the baby steps to make it happen.

P3, it’s never too late to learn something new. To change your perspective or goals, your career, or the relationships in your life. It’s time to step into your role and be a visionary for the planet. You decide what you believe… what you follow . And the decisions you make today could affect the wellbeing of the planet and its species, so it’s important that you get a different perspective than the one you’ve had. It’s time to open your mind and dream a new world. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. It takes alot of courage to take the path you’re being called to take vs the easier one. Trust that what you’re about to do will be successful, just hold firm. Doors are opening for you P3. You have the Midas touch right now. Your thoughts are extra powerful right now, the planets are aligned and the timing is right. The Universe has your back P3. All of your hard work is about to pay off, just keep going! Especially since now is the time to work on moving towards your dreams abd ACHIEVING those dreams. If you feel like you’re being called to shake things up and make some big changes, NOW’S the time to do it. Effortless changes are about to happen for you, if it’s not happening already P3.

Some of you may want to check out P1 if you were called to do so.

P3, it’s time to remember that you’re not alone, it can just feel that way when you’re not balanced in the 3D & 5D. You’re being called to check in with yourself more, and to start practicing honing your gifts. It’s time to step up. You came to Earth with a double mission. To grow as a soul and to assist in the shift to raise the consciousness of the world. Some of you in p3 may have many unique gifts that you do or don’t know about that has yet to fully be uncovered. Move towards your being called to do, whether it’s a creative project, a passion, or an adventure. It’s time to step up and leap. Also, some of you in P3 need to take some time to reach out to family or friends, or go on a friendly walk with a someone to gather your energetic resources. As an old soul, sometimes starseeds feel the need to isolate or be alone. But we’re humans. We’re beings that require group interaction and closeness. Find the balance, P3.

⭐️Closing Comments:⭐️

P3, if you’re working on any projects, just know this pile whatever it is has great potential to be successful. Don’t give up. Be like the Mintakans who saw the light in everything and everyone. There is potential in humans and situations, just gotta train yourself to see that. Try to have faith P3, and know that EVERYTHING and everyone are working out to the highest potential for all those involved. Also, try to figure out any unconscious thoughts and patterns you have and bring them to light. If we don’t face what is needed to addressed, they have a tendency to show up. So deal with whatever you’re not dealing with P3, before you’re made to by the Universe.

✨POSSIBLE STAR SYSTEMS: ✨

Pleiadean

Sirian

Arcturian

Hadarian

Children of the Sun

Mintakans

✨ And that concludes this reading! ✨

🕊️🕊️🕊️ Blessings!🕊️🕊️🕊️

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cupidastrology · 1 year ago

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𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 12 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬 ︎ ♀︎ 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 ♏︎ 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐞 december 2023

associate with your big 3 in scorpio ♏︎ or any natal scorpio ♏︎ placement you have in your birth chart.

❤

aries ♈︎ - a desire for risky romance, letting go of impulsive ideas, or a rush for needing new experiences in life.

taurus ♉︎ - focus on what you're consuming, a change or release in clothing style, food intake, money fluctuates and may rise.

gemini ♊︎ - monitoring social interaction, mainly online. a desire to dive deep into new forms of knowledge, discussions will increase.

cancer ♋︎ - caretaking makes a shift, releasing what you once thought was stable or security, finding new forms of care and understanding for emotions or self.

leo ♌︎ - confidence rises with letting go of what was once a problem with the self, finding new ways to attract through a new image or makeup style, gut health is important.

virgo ♍︎ - cleaning out old messages, old ways of thinking, releasing any concerns that seemed long term, letting go through words or mindset.

libra ♎︎ - risks involving love and connections, you may have to let go of an ongoing connection with another person due to emotional negativity, toxicity, and feeling drained.

scorpio ♏︎ - feeling in touch with letting go of emotional entanglement more often than ever, risks in romance, attraction towards the "bad boy" is more felt around this time.

sagittarius ♐︎ - privacy around traveling and associations are highlighted, interest increases in occult and taboo matters, you may want to learn an outdoors or private course that is not known to many.

capricorn ♑︎ - control over assets, money may become an issue, a desire to make even more money, controlling any inner emotions surrounding being possessive towards a loved one or connection.

aquarius ♒︎ - focusing on boundaries, do not allow anyone else to cross boundaries because this may disturb your mind more than usual, do not fall under any forms of emotional manipulation by peers.

pisces ♓︎ - acknowledging what you're lacking, especially with what you have carried with you emotionally. a perfect time to release what bothers you long term, even if it hurts. focusing on anything that can be seen as a release (fasting, egg cleansing, reiki, or meditation).

all readings (birth chart, asteroid, and card readings) are open if you wish to gift a loved one a reading this holiday season <;3

#astrology #aries #libra #taurus #virgo #pisces #aquarius #astrology signs #capricorn #astrology readings #scorpio venus

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ascendingaeons · 8 months ago

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Relationships With The Netjeru: Introduction

Lately, I’ve been journaling about my relationship with Set and it gave me an idea for a series of blogs about the Netjeru I work with. Posts like this were what made me begin properly working with Them. A devotional is a heartfelt offering between a person and a deity. A devotional shared has a way of echoing what sings in the heart of another. I’ll begin this series by sharing the nature of my relationship with the Netjeru and what being Kemetic means to me.

I find the Netjeru to be different from the Gods of other pantheons. They are much more relaxed and understanding regarding tradition and what we perceive as insults or mistakes (Set most of all). I would compare my relationships with Them to growing up in a house with a lot of family members. There are times when we laugh or grieve together. There are times when They must be stern or let me do something on my own. There are times when They are disappointed but that can be forgiven by a heartfelt apology and genuine effort. Other times call for greater formality and respect. Still others are ceremonial in nature or very down-to-business.

I am not the best at giving formal offerings or praying at my altar. I don’t always have the time or energy and honestly, sometimes I forget. And that is more than okay. The Netjeru don’t expect that from me and They’ve communicated that very clearly. They’re more concerned with how I’m doing than They are about regular offerings of specially prepared food or gifts I purchased while thinking of Them. That’s not to say those efforts aren’t appreciated. I would love to have more time to have a practice like that. What I have developed is much more organic.

For me, prayer is more of a conversation. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Sometimes it is as simple as asking for a boon. When my partner moved in with me, I had been dealing with nightmares. I would thrash around in my sleep and occasionally wake him up with a smack in the face. One night before bed I prayed to Bast and asked Her to give me restful sleep so that I would stop doing that. From that night on, I slept peacefully. It’s often small blessings that afford the highest gratitude.

There were other times when I asked for an answer or resolution to a persistent problem to which I received what I thought was silence. Sometimes, for Them to act we have to take, at the very least, just one small step away from our comfort zone. The life we want is not always in alignment with ma’at. The solutions we envision are not always going to work with our highest good. The Netjeru always listen. They are never “too busy” to be there for us. But like a parent, They sometimes expect us to take action and do things for ourselves.

There is one thing that every person has to offer Gods and spirits regardless of their circumstances, but it requires a special kind of comfort zone. Provided consent is given, the Netjeru can live vicariously through you. If you would so allow it, They can taste what you taste, feel what you feel, see what you see, and love what you love. What is yours by experience becomes Theirs. It is the freely given perspective of a life well lived that They cherish more than any other offering.

I work with certain Netjeru in my writing and research, shamanic practice, divination, healing, and ceremonial magick. I’ll give a few examples. During reiki, I call upon Yinepu when I need assistance. I have a specific kind of clairempathy when performing reiki. If a client is in a significant amount of stomach pain for instance, that pain will transfer to me. I’ve learned to work with Yinepu in keeping grounded during reiki. It’s similar to calling upon the Archangel Michael as both of Their domains involve mastery of boundaries.

When in shamanic trance, I’ve had many encounters with Djehuty and Aset offering wisdom or guidance. I blessed two of my tarot decks to each of Them respectively and the tones the decks have are very different. Set has guided my thoughts while writing for many years, planting little breadcrumbs to each “aha!” and I’ve called upon Him in ritual almost exclusively for as long as I’ve practiced magick.

I love and respect the Netjeru as I would my own parents. Truth be told, They were often better than the parents I had. Like any child would, I sometimes turn my back on Them in moments of anger or fear, but They are always right there… waiting. They allowed me the opportunity to venture off and find my own way. They watched smiling as I explored heathenry knowing that in finding myself, I would find my way back to Them. They were not at all jealous of my dealings with the Vanir.

Such profound trust and belief in a person foster loyalty unlike any other. The Netjeru were always, always there for me whether I was happy or sad, weak or strong, successful or not. They were always honest and freely gave the kind of support I needed exactly when I needed it. They brought ma'at into my home, giving me a sanctuary from the isfet outside. They loved and supported me unconditionally, effortlessly knowing the genuine Truth singing from my Heart, something that—as far as people are concerned—only my husband has ever been able to do. That is why I am a Kemetic.

Dua Netjeru!

#kemetic paganism #kemetic #kemeticism #kemetism #netjeru #egyptian gods #egyptian paganism #egyptian polytheism #pagan #paganism #relationships with the netjeru

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musingmelsuinesmelancholy · 2 months ago

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Would you say your spiritual beliefs have changed significantly since you first began exploring spirituality? Do you feel your core beliefs have changed or remain the same?

ooooooh hell yea! how horrified my 14yr old self would be at the shit I get up to now xD

I started out as a neo wiccan, super-duper new age. I'm talkin crystals, reiki, "smudging", rede thumping, love and light and pixie farts. There was some animism, I think I've always been one to an extent. I have very distinct memories of being angry at kids for "hurting" the plants outside the church at school and being absolutely horrified to hear that only humans had an immortal soul. Firmly rebuked that idea in my lil ginger gremlin heart, much to the priest's annoyance. Once I found wicca it validated those feelings of mine and allowed me room to explore them, though not to the extent I later would. Given that I was very fluffy when I began, around 2014, I was very much into (for lack of a better word) toxic positivity and I struggled to accept/acknowledge the darker parts of myself, nature, magic, occult/pagan history and spirits. While there was some animism there it was lacking nuance. It made me uncomfortable to try and reconcile this nature-based religion with the violent colonialist history of the country. So I ignored it.

I found, or rather was led to, traditional witchcraft in late 2017. This led to me fully embracing animism as the focus of my craft/spirituality and accepting all those dark things I had shunned. I moved completely away from deity worship. Tho, tbh, I don't think I ever really did believe in The God/Goddess. (I was one of those all gods are The God/dess types) I think it was more that I liked the sound of it, and I agreed that the divine feminine was sorely underappreciated rather than having actual belief/devotion. I was able to reconnect with my Maliseet relatives which was so instrumental in my developing a more nuanced approach to and understanding of animism.

Rather than craft being a religion it was a spiritual practice. A way to connect with the spirits and make things happen. I yearned for power, for witchcraft. It was how I survived living with my father, how I survived my ex's abuse and how I escaped. I was spite, hate and venom. Cursing, binding, dominating, sweetening and twisting.

My local lore as well as the lore of my ancestors' cultures informed my craft. I balked at the idea of worship. A witch makes magic, we do not bow. Why rely on a god when ours is the weaving of fate? What God would want such a cruel and twisted witch anyways... We have our devil(s), land spirits, the dead... our "little gods". I Didn't need or want a Zeus. After all, there was none of that in the lore. Coming from a catholic background I saw people begging God to fix their problems. Issues which, for the most part, could probably be handled pretty easily. I learned to see seeking solace and strength in religion as a kind of weakness.

Once I was free a vacuum was created. I had my relationships with spirit but I felt rather aimless.. I have reverence for my witch father, after all, it was He who opened the door, yet I felt a certain emptiness. There was no need for all this malefica I had been used to.

Eventually She appeared to me; all those hidden parts of myself were brought to light. I felt like a granite pebble. Hard and unyielding, to be worn smooth ever so slowly by the ocean. Try as I may to remain jagged the waves will win; I will be softened/polished... She opened me to love, not philia but rather something rather like agape. If you'll forgive my catholic terminology haha. I still don't understand. As I'm writing this, I'm in disbelief that I actually said that... that I actually truly feel this way now... This is new and not at all where I thought I was headed. I'm embarrassed that I ignored her for SO long and all because I couldn't find mention of what I was seeing/experiencing in folklore. Yet she was there, from the start.

I'm not sure where this will lead nor how it'll shape my craft. I'm exploring (and adoring) gaulpol. I'll have to, like my animism, learn how to practice it in stolen land. I'm unsure of how syncretic my craft will remain, as a large portion of it was informed by new England lore. My ancestors faith has always played a large role in my veneration of them.. then again they sent me messages/omens when I asked for guidance in identifying Her.. so perhaps neither of them will mind haha.

My craft began very terrestrial, and it will continue to be so, but it has become much more focused on water and stars than I would've thought. I always thought of the heavens as more the purview of ceremonial magic. One thing that's stayed 100% consistent is the imposter syndrome and fears/feelings of inadequacy xD

Good lord I fuckin rambled huh? TLDR yea shits changed, always been a dirty soil lovin animist from the sticks. THank you for the ask bud! Sorry about the novel that shit is wicked long

(I hate that when I'm tired the fuckin Mainer comes out)

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ancientgoddessofegypt · 2 years ago

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Venus in the 8th: More Observations & Tips

Venus 8th House - Their sensuality is potent & is very magnetic. Their allure is contagious, and they tend to have others wanting to worship then. They could understand the dark side of money and how to make it. I see something about sex work being a thing for a few people with this house placement, but most of all it could be that you are aware of how money works in society and dont look it at from a good or bad perspective. You know that money can be made in all ways and its truly what you do with it is what counts. Hidden secrets around relationships and lovers. You might be able to spot when your lovers are walking out on you, you just know. When it comes to everyone else relationships you can see through them, something you learned during your adolescent years. Youre able to pick up on the energies of people very easy, so it is no wonder you're able to pick up things from others relationships.

I notice if you're a woman with this placement others tend to 'hide their wives/husbands' from you. They think you'll steal them, your sex appeal is extremely high so no matter what people will think youre some 'slut'. Sugar daddies may come out of no where for you guys, the 'streets' chose you not the other way around.

For some of you, you could know some pretty successful people in high places. They gravitate to your aura because it is very dark and powerful, so this can be used as opportunity. You can see into their lives and they trust you with what you know. The more higher youre up on the ladder the more hidden knowledge you tend to come across.

Gifted in the occult, you can be healers in areas that have to do with the sexual organs. Can heal others with your hands (reiki) and could also make money off this if you choose.

Last thing I wasnt to say is that you guys can have a lot of jealous women around you. Girl, guy, non binary. Doesnt matter. Its because since youre personal power comes from your sensuality it can shine light on other peoples darkness.

'Like why is this person so pretty?' 'why does everyone gravitate to them and not me?' like... they cant seem to understand what it is about you. You dont have to be some ig model or extremely attractive to be 'sexy' with this placement you ARE it. You are the embodiment of sex appeal.

Tips I would have these placement holders is to hold on to their sex appeal as long as they can because as they mature in life they'll be individuals that will try to make you turn it down. Hold your head up high & never let them see you sweat because trust me they're waiting it on it. If you have any moment where you are vulnerable thats when the vultures come through and try to attack so privacy over your self & your feelings is necessary.

If you are an artist you can sell your art and can get a lot of vendors and sponsors who want to see your stuff. I say this because people some of you with this placement may be prone to insecurity around your artwork however your passion is noticed in your work. So it should be seen in the spotlight because it gives us a chance to feel the passion and hard work in what you've created.

Another thing I will say before I end this, is that love for yourself & the world at large creates more energy for you to live off of and makes your aura stand out from the rest. You guys are actually work really well with community and you should use your magnetism for the workspaces of helping groups that need your compassion and grace.

thank you for reading <3

#venus in the 8th #astrology thoughts #astrology theories #astrology notes #venus aspects #venus #tropical astrology #Vedic astrology #astro knowledge

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777rare · 2 years ago

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☀️SUNSHINE ASTEROID - 3742💫

Disclaimer:

I DO NOT PLAGIARIZE, COPY OR REWORD ANY OF MY FELLOW ASTROLOGY OBSERVERS POSTS AND I DEMAND THE SAME IN RETURN

Today we'll be talking about asteroid ☀️SUNSHINE~

This asteroid helps you learn the ways to overcome your seasonal depression by checking the sign,house, and degree in which it is placed along with checking the aspects its making with planets and where the aspected planets are seated to see what you could do to make yourself happy.

I'm using my sunshine placement as an example for your better understanding. Here we go!💫🙌🏻

I have sunshine in aquarius at 16° in the 11th house. The asteroid aspects are

Conjunct neptune in 11th house

Conjunct chiron in 11th house

Opposition saturn in 5th house

Sextile jupiter in 9th house

Okay, let's go with the placements :-

Sunshine in aquarius and 11th house could mean making friends, surfing online to distract myself, also maybe watching movies, Netflix, Amazon prime your phone, tab, computer, or even TV . Anything techno can help amazingly😉

Sunshine at 16° (cancer degree) - this could mean cooking, cleaning my house space and baking can help me. Also I'm getting you know, having a nice bubble bath in the tub, just playing with water or taking a nice shower bath

now let's go with the aspects :-

#3742 is sextile jupiter. Learning and travelling can really help me freshen up. Even exploring new things can help me forget old stuff from bothering me, making me feel better or occupied. This also adds on cuz my jupiter is in 9th house

#3742 opposition saturn. Okay, this can be a bit confusing. Saturn has got to do with authority, strictness, limitations and My saturn is in the 5th house. Sunshine- saturn says that I would probably need to stop stressing/being tensed about everything and freshen up. Like I said before, The house ur planet is in also depends on the result so I might need to freshen up and do something creative(5th house), like this can also be about entertainment and self-expression. Again here, I need to watch happy, comedy movies or even movies/shows meant for kids or the ones I watched when I was a child. Also maybe Journaling, writing my feelings down in a diary can help.

#3742 conjunct neptune. Involving myself into spiritual activities, exploring about the occult world can really heal me. Anything spiritual like reiki,tarot,aura reading and cleansing, crystals,astrology,runes,witchcraft can help me heal when I learn about them.

#3742 conjunct chiron. I have a strong feeling that getting into shadow work will help me so so much because chiron is the wounded healer and shadow work is all about connecting with the dark part of yourself. It's just like the right piece to my puzzle. Getting into shadow work will help me so much because shadow work is meant for healing and connecting with your dark side.

Hope you all enjoyed reading this post!💓 Feel free to reblog and tag me when you do🫂❤

Have a great day ahead!🏝

PS : thankyou so much for the support I have been receiving recently. i am so grateful to my dear readers. Love you all!💘😽

#spiritualawakening #spirituality #spiritual enlightenment #witch community #astrology notes #astro community #astroblr #witchery #witchy #blessings #Natal chart #Astrology observations #astrology #astro placements #astro notes #astroworld

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aropride · 2 months ago

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thinking about therapy again bc i knowww i need to be in it. but i think one of my inarguable needs in a therapist is that they see me as an equal? i guess is the best way to put it. and thats not really something you can Ask it's more of a vibes based thing. but like. i hate playing stupid with doctors psychiatrists therapists etc i want to be like This is what im experiencing These are the resources ive looked into This is what i think is going on. where do we go from here. and like i know a fair amount about psychology and i dont want to have to pretend i dont. or for them to assume i dont. and like id look into peer support and stuff but i feel like thats more short term and less intensive than id need to unpack my childhood stuff. Oh i completely forgot to post and also finish typing this. anyway idk like what are even the chances of finding a provider in my area, who takes my insurance and is willing to work with me abt the copay, whose main modality isnt cbt, whos experienced in cptsd/dissociative disorders, and also who i click with as a person. idk. it feels completely hopeless lol and i know its not but like. maybe im fine rn like maybe i dont even need therapy really (least fine guy youve ever met voice)

but the other problem is i also need like, a social worker who isnt school-related and extremely overworked (god bless her tho omg) bc i need a lot of help getting like, case management and applying for disability etc. and just normal therapy isnt gonna help me when i also need those things. but i feel like most long term therapists arent also social workers and vice versa

and i dont even know what modality would be helpful for me. i know dbt WAS when i was younger, but now i know like. the basics, ive learned the coping skills etc. so idk if it would still be helpful? and i know like, somatic focused therapy or whatever would probably be helpful, because actually understanding what my body was doing and why and how that effects my mental health has been really helpful in the past. but also i feel like a lot of somatic therapists are... whats a nice way to say this. like a lot of the ppl ive seen either on like psychologytoday etc or on instagram reels are. the type of guy to buy dreamcatchers on shein and use cherrypicked parts of other cultures without understanding their cultural context. and, like, try to cure my dissociative disorder with reiki or something. Sorry im thinking abt the therapist i had in early 2020 now

idk i just dont really know what to look into even. bc ive heard good stuff from a friend abt emdr but im skeptical of emdr like, casually. like i havent tried it and i dont know a huge amount about it, but on the surface it kinda sounds like bullshit- yeah just look between these lights and think about stuff and thatll fix you. but i also understand how repetitive movement can be calming (#autism) and it makes sense that being exposed to those memories and also in a safe place would be helpful? and i like that u dont have to talk abt the traumas in depth out loud. but i also feel like thats more for single-event traumas or at least trauma that u like, remember

and i feel like being able to talk out loud abt stuff would help me. like having another person to bounce my thoughts off of whos not like. a friend. and is able to deal w that kind of thing. and is also paid to do so. And can also help me like. recognize when im being insane. but also Wont assume im being insane and that all my thoughts are fucking cognitive distortions

idk its just exhausting trying to figure out What i even want from therapy other than to Feel Better and stop losing entire months of my life sometimes and to be able to like. make phone calls and talk to people and not feel evil and insane all the time. and to be able to live away from my parents and have a life, whether that involves Employment or not. one of my short-term goals in therapy w a long term therapist would explicitly be to decide my long term goals and how i'll know i met them. bc i think talking abt the therapeutic relationship w my therapist up front is something that would benefit me. due to the avoidance.

idk. wgat everrrr.

#text #therapy tag #personal

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dagdasgoddess · 4 days ago

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Many Updates, Where To Begin?

It's been ages, so happy new year to start. I felt like posting this on my blog to let you all know I've been well.

So I felt like I had to make this post because I've been taking a spiritual class on how to hone my abilities more and.. apparently I'm a Draconian Star Seed.

Recently I enrolled in a reiki class and the Guru aligned my chakras and helped me cut cords to all my current and past ties. It was... very much needed.

Because I met someone, who told me I am in fact, a Draconian Star Seed.

And with my recent on -going diagnosis I won't mention here ---

It suddenly makes sense.

My spiritual experiences

My past life astral projections.

My learning disabilities, reptiles aren't exactly good at math XP

The fact that I NEVER could get along with or understand humans. I always felt a deeper connection to the 2D realms, cartoons, beings of ink and paint.. but I had no idea my destiny was something MUCH deeper.

It all makes sense, the reason I can't do "normal" human things like getting a PhD by I'm 12, is because I'M NOT human. I'm SOMETHING BETTER.

I began to do research on star seeds.. And it makes sense. I found out I am a Draconian because

I have no empathy whatsoever, I'm more self serving and that's okay

I've been told many times that I am 'intense' and fight to get what I want, and I'm relentless when I'm angry

I've always had a connection to the "wishing star" aka the North Star

In real life, on my father's side. There are many military people. Draconians are said to be militaristic.

I have green eyes for crying out loud, I've been told my eyes change color from green to yellow.

I'm not good at healing (When we were learning how to heal, I simply could not do it, and my Guru just smiled and said "there's room for all kinds here"

I honestly don't know why I came to earth? I don't know what resources I could possibly need here-- OH WAIT! GEMSTONES! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

My connection with Dagda

Dagda is very much green themed but he opened a portal for me, that I was ready to activate my star seed powers, and I proved it to him.

I feel like he was the "gateway" to this stuff . Dagda always taught me to look beyond what I saw, and stand up for myself. And Challenge myself.

I enjoy physical activities, even if I'm chronically ill

Growing up, I always loved stars, wishing on stars... I wonder if that's why I loved Cinderella so much, because we wish on stars.

And.. my very first love , Steven Stone: I love collecting gems, he does too, I wonder if he's also a star seed. He's from Ruby Sapphire and Emerald. And.. who's the mythical there? Yep. Jirachi. a star.

It all makes sense now. I'm both hurt, angry and .. so happy I learned who I truly am.

I asked how come that I'm not really interested in dragons? I prefer unicorns, etc. But you seldom get to choose in these matters, and I refuse to question this.

I'm still 2Devoted, that's not changing anytime. But it delights me that other starseeds like myself have been through what I did. I can get through life now. I feel like a part of me has been put to rest.

That "yearning" of wanting to be somewhere else, it makes sense now. My God. It all makes sense now.

I have done a lot of research, and this is my last reincarnation, after I leave earth I won't ever have to come back again. This makes me so happy! Thank you Dagda, and thank you person who told me I am a star seed <3

#updates #krystal.txt #star seed

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supermoongirl9 · 2 years ago

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Chiron remediations for the signs and houses : some ideas

Chiron in Aries/1H: going somewhere alone, working out regularly, trying something for the first time

Chiron in Taurus/2H: buying something nice, spending on something you really wanted, setting up a saving account

Chiron in Gemini/3H: spending time with siblings or cousins, being friendly to your neighbors, making a speech, interrupting someone just to see how it feels hahaha

Chiron in Cancer/4H: spending time with your family, coming back in your childhood home, learning about ancestors

Chiron in Leo/5H: embracing being the main character, buying art tools or new lingerie or sex toys (reconciliating w ur creative/sexual side)

Chiron in Virgo/6H: teaching things to others, going to the library, making a list of things you've done instead of what u need to do

Chiron in Libra/7H: planning a wedding, eloping, going on a honeymoon without being married, saying ily to your partner more

Chiron in Scorpio/8H: telling someone a secret about urself (u can do it when they sleep lol), instauring new emotional and sexual boundaries

Chiron in Sagittarius/9H: traveling somewhere alone, taking that class about that topic you've always be interested in, visit a religious building just to appreciate the vibes

Chiron in Capricorn/10H: laugh about a past embarassment, be silly in public, believe in the future, write ur goals

Chiron in Aquarius/11H: organize/go to a group activity, talk to more than 5 people a day, write ur craziest dreams somewhere

Chiron in Pisces/12H: have a dream journal, invest more in shadow work (can be therapy or reiki or anything helping w helping u feel and release)

#chiron #astrology

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gaiasgrimoire · 3 months ago

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🌹 𝔐𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔚𝔦𝔱𝔠𝔥 🌹

I already did an introduction post for my Grimoire but I didn't include much information about who I am so I figured I'd take the time to do that now!

🤍✨ My name is Renae Gaia and you can find my main page here: @renaegaia ✨🤍

Here are some random facts about me:

I go by Renae, Gaia, or Ren

I am 33 years old

I am a cosmic mama to 2 beautiful Starseed babies

I am an Astrologer and Intuitive Card Reader

I am a Reiki Master

I am clairsentient, clairaudient, and clairvoyant

I am a writer and musician

I love to sing and dance

I can speak Light Language

My favorite color is green 🌱

My Astrology:

Virgo Sun ☀️

Aquarius Moon 🌙

Virgo Rising ⬆️

Leo Venus 🩷

12th Houser 👁️

Plutonian 🖤

My Human Design:

5/1 Emotional Generator 🙇🏻‍♀️

My Spiritual Philosophies:

I'm new to the world of Witchcraft so I'm still discovering my identity as a Witch, but I guess you could say I'm an Eclectic Witch, as I don't subscribe to any particular belief systems or practices. It's just a little bit of everything for me, but I chose to start a Grimoire to organize my notes as I learn more about the craft.

First and foremost I am a Starseed and connect with Galactic Beings such as the Arcturians, Pleiadians and Lyrans.

In addition to my Galactic Guides, I have been visited by and worked with Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Jesus and other Saints/Ascended Masters.

Raised Baptist, turned Agnostic, turned Atheist, back to agnostic, went through my dark night/spiritual awakening in August 2017, and now just consider myself a conscious being. But recently I have been exploring the world of Catholicism, as I am thoroughly enjoying the religious education I never received until now and incorporating certain Christian and Gnostic elements into my practice alongside Witchcraft.

I have been subtly working with Dark Goddesses like Persephone and Medusa, but recently became initiated onto the Witch path by Hekate, and she brings Nyx and Kali with her. Now I am taking my craft and devotion more seriously. I'm both intimidated and honored/excited about working with these Powerful Dark Goddesses as they protect and guide me through my second dark night initiation. I'm truly a being of love and light, but it's time to explore my shadowy depths.

My Offerings:

Astrology Readings: my niche/focus is on the natal chart from an evolutionary perspective (past life & karmic placements - Pluto, Chiron, and the Nodes) but I can also look at transits for current events.

Card Readings: I read Tarot/Oracle and I'm currently learning Lenormand. My decks include Rider Waite's Tarot, Light Seer's Tarot, Rumi Oracle, Mystical Shaman Oracle, Starseed Oracle, and Animal Spirit Oracle.

Reiki Session: Can be performed long-distance and/or over zoom, and of course locally for those who know me.

Intuitive Guidance Session: a little bit of astrology, cards, and intuitive messages, infused with Reiki.

All offerings are offered in either typed PDF or live on zoom. PDF readings will take a bit longer to receive but give you a more concrete reference to go back to whenever you need it. Prices are the same regardless if you want a live or typed reading. Message me for more information if interested in one of my offerings.

I'm not sure what else to add at the moment, but I'm truly an open book for those that care to check me out of the restricted section, hehe 💋⛓️🧿

✨ Please feel free to connect, ask me anything, or reach out for a reading if you're interested.

| 9.28.24 |

#personal #journal entry #about me #meet the witch #witch #witchy #witchcraft #christian witch #astrologer #starseed #Priestess #goddess worship #virgo #eclectic witch

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justsome-di · 26 days ago

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NEUD Bonus: Christmas

This was originally posted on Patreon last year. This year, it's available for free for all members and cross-posted to AO3 and Tumblr.

Summary: Alex and Damián's first Christmas together as their little patchwork family.

Read it on AO3 and check out my Patreon when it opens back up in the new year! If you enjoy my work, consider reblogging this post, leaving an anonymous message in my inbox, or support me on ko-fi!

Damián had not yet been to bed.

He had left late the night before after quickly wrapping up a Christmas Eve dinner of pancakes (box mix being the only thing that was stocked in the apartment after a disastrously busy week of last-minute shopping and appointments). He told Leo, Eve, and Alex to behave or else Santa wouldn’t show up and, ignoring two eye rolls and returning a single loving smile, left for work.

Preferably, he wouldn’t have taken an appointment on Christmas Eve, but the offer was too good to pass up. Charles Everett was wealthy, and he didn’t want to go to a holiday party all alone. His friends and family always asked when he was going to find a partner. Even worse, they all had suggestions for who he should date. There was always some guy or some girl that someone knew who “would be so perfect for you, Charlie!”

The month leading up to his family’s annual Christmas party had been nerve-wracking. He struggled to sleep with the weight of the impending questions on his mind. No amount of hot yoga or rebalancing his chakras helped relieve his stress. He even tried Reiki, he told Damián who nodded along like he understood the solutions eccentric rich people came up.

Fortunately, though, Damián understood the problems. And fortunately, Charles knew Diego, who was a frequent client of Damián’s, and one thing led to another.

Damián was paid a disgusting amount of money to be Charles’ date and pretend like they had known each other for a while. It was fun! Damián did his homework on Charles’ favorite foods and obscure rich people hobbies. He learned his aspirations in life and was quite touched to hear that Charles wanted to retire young to spend his time volunteering and donating to food banks.

Charles was a quiet, intelligent man. He had more money than he knew what to do with. He was handsome enough but a touch awkward. Quickly, Damián picked up on his habit of needing to fill silences with some fact about some niche interest. Even when Damián was trying to quietly work out the payment, Charles told him that the best guided meditation he had ever attended was in a small town in Japan.

Damián thought it was pretty endearing.

They had started Christmas Eve in a boring ballroom at sunset. Damián shook Charles’ parents’ hands and talked to his older brother about the state of Silicone Valley. Or rather, Damián nodded along and agreed to most of what he said as 80% of it went way over his head. He sipped champagne and ate fish eggs that felt bad on his tongue. The company was decent but everyone seemed to lack a personality. It was as if everyone had read about how to good conversationalists and was just putting it in practice for the first time that night.

It didn’t take long before Charles saw an out and they ran off with some of his old school friends to a high-end bar. Damián passed the night going in and out of a state of tipsy, drinking wine that cost the same as a month of rent and trying the high shelf liquors he had only heard about in music and movies. Really good whiskey, apparently, burned badly all the way down and long after. If you asked for specific drinks, bartenders would shave the ice with a Japanese knife in front of you. And it turned out the filthy rich could be just as messy of drunks as everyone else.

Every moment, Damián thought about how he was going to tell Alex all about it.

It felt like Damián had walked into another world. He stared down at the city with his head buzzing and his heart light. It was the same pavement that stretched into his neighborhood where he budgeted his grocery money and stretched income to support two. It was the same grid system that he had built a little home in. Where his brother lived, where his parents had disowned him, where his boyfriend now slept.

But there was something so much more romantic about it. Like he was living in a book and he was going to get a beautifully-wrapped ending at the end of the night.

Charles proved himself to be a perfect gentleman. He escorted Damián here and there. He held open doors, took his coat, poured him modest glasses of wine that Damián—with his trauma still only two months old—felt safe accepting. Discreet text messages sent under the table from Charles asked Damián through the night how he was doing, if he wanted to leave, if he needed anything. As they settled into something comfortable, Charles’ awkward demeanor melted away.

He grew comfortable with lapses of silence where Damián admired the view while a friend left for the bathroom or a smoking break. He talked about those same niche interests but now at length where he passionately spoke about how meditation had helped ease what anxiety medications couldn’t. A long weekend learning to make five different types of chutney had brought an old friend and him back on speaking terms.

Charles was well-rounded and kind, and there was a touch of confidence coming out by the end of the night. If it were a real date, Damián would have been wooed. And once Charles found someone who was kind like him, he was sure to woo that person.

The more Charles was chivalrous to Damián, the more Damián missed Alex. It was a good kind of missing. One that made him excited for morning to come. One that made Damián taste good coffee on the back of his tongue and feel soft hair under his fingertips.

No one went home until three in the morning. By four, Damián and Charles were still chatting and looking down on the city.

They said goodbye at 5:30. Damián cupped Charles’ face and told him, “You have a soft heart. Keep it safe.”

At six, Damián was back in his apartment, sneaking past Eve and Leo asleep on the pull-out couch together and checking in on Alex, passed out in his bed. The small Christmas tree pushed in the corner lit up the apartment in a soft, multi-colored glow. The few presents sitting under it were tempting. It felt like a Christmas morning from when Damián was young, when he was still naive.

Cars and action figures would have been waiting for him. Pretend doctor’s kits. A nice pair of sweaters for school so that all the other parents could see how well-dressed he was.

A little older, there would be fantasy books and CDs. Little Leo had chunky trains and fire engines galore.

Reality came back to Damián in small steps, in small sips. When he saw Leo’s beaten down Converse by the door. When he saw dirty dishes still laying by the sink rather than the dishwasher. When he listened to Alex’s steady, deep breathing and a little pool of drool by his open mouth.

The romance was washed away. He was no longer in a high-end bar that he would probably never visit again. He was no longer a child. An adult, in his 30s, with a patchwork family. It was all peaceful and beautiful and messy, and Damián didn’t want it any other way.

A burst of energy filled him.

Still a little tired but too excited to lay back down, he was ready to get things started.

It was 6:20 when Damián, freshly showered and convinced he didn’t need any sleep, connected his phone to the Bluetooth speaker in the middle of the living room.

6:21, Leo and Eve bolted up as the the first verse of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” played through the apartment at near-full volume. Damián raised his arms above his head and shook his hips in a way that he thought was sexy.

Alex rushed out of the bedroom, wide awake but clearly very confused. He found the speaker and turned it off right as Mariah was belting. Damián stopped his dance at the beep of the Bluetooth disconnecting, his arms falling to his side in disappointment.

“That was a gay bop,” Damián said. Then, he accused, “Homophobia.”

“What the fuck?” Alex whispered.

Leo held one hand to his chest. Eve pressed her hands over her eyes and groaned loudly.

“Merry Christmas!” Damián cried, throwing his arms up.

“It’s six in the morning,” Leo said.

“The perfect time for Christmas!”

“Did you just get home?” Alex asked.

“I got home right in time for Christmas.” Damián pulled the blankets off Leo and Eve. “Come on, get up.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Eve sighed.

Alex calmly walked to Damián’s side. He laid his hand on Damián’s arm, steady, firm.

“Why don’t we sleep for a little bit?” he asked. “And we can start Christmas later?”

Damián took his hand and kissed his fingers. Alex’s hands were delightfully soft and were warm from his cozy bed. Next to them, Leo made a sound of disgust. Damián ignored it for the time. In the spirit of Christmas, he wouldn’t be doing any scolding.

“So,” he said to Alex, “I think I’m so tired that I’m passed the point of being tired. You know?”

“Yes.” Alex nodded. “But I think if you just lay down and close your eyes for a few minutes, you’ll probably start to fall asleep.”

“I’m not wasting this energy. I’m riding out this high.”

“Damián—“

“Who wants to play Santa!”

The thing about Damián was that it was very hard to stay mad at him. Alex had to smile at his childish glee and as it was their first holiday together, he let it go and started his complex coffee-making rituals.

Leo and Eve folded up their bed knowing full well that they weren’t going to be allowed to go back to sleep. Damián plopped himself down in front of all the presents and took in everyone around him. Leo yawned. Eve picked gunk from her eyes. From the kitchen, Alex was grinding beans that were starting to fill the apartment with with their nutty, coffee smell.

He had cherished what he could of his small, brief Christmases with Leo from the recent years if only because they were reminders of what he had left. Leo usually attended Christmas Mass on Christmas Eve with their parents, and he was freed to go back to the apartment for Christmas morning. When Damián finally rolled out of bed, they swapped meager gifts. They did what they could to make Christmas seem like a real holiday.

But Leo was still expected to see his parents for dinner, and waiting for him to leave again always filled Damián with a choking feeling of impending doom. There was always a fear that he wouldn’t return. It was as if it was some sick custody agreement.

It was hard on Leo. The holidays were always exhausting for him when he had to run between his parents and sibling. And he would never admit to until years later, but he had to fight to see Damián at all during the holidays rather than stay at his parents’ house as they wanted. It took begging and empty promises to get even a few hours with Damián.

There were always pockets of loneliness during the holidays. Damián went to bed in an empty apartment on Christmas Eve and spent the night of Christmas day eating alone with a movie.

The years before Leo moved in, when his parents had already disowned him, were too excruciating to think back on.

This year, however, Leo hadn’t been contacted by his parents at all. There was no phone call announcing they expected him at Mass or any questions for what he wanted as a gift. It seemed that both brothers had been cut off and while Leo said it stung, he couldn’t help but feel a tremendous weight lifted from his shoulders.

Knowing that he had Leo all day had already put Damián over the moon. And having Eve and Alex, who had already traveled home two weeks before to see their mother’s family for Hanukkah, made up for every Christmas he sat alone watching bad movies and eating Chinese takeout.

Alex passed out coffee and took a seat next to Damián. He took a sip from Damián’s mug first before handing it over, making sure that it was the perfect temperature and had just enough peppermint syrup.

“The youngest goes first.” Damián pulled out a large box for Eve. “Here you go. This is from Leo.”

“Hell yeah. Thanks, dude.”

Eve tore off the red and white striped paper with no intentions of preserving any of it. Underneath it was a cardboard box. She tore into it and gasped.

“Thank you! This is dope!” She pulled out a bag of limited edition hot chips and a Korean candy bar, carefully selected from an international market. Inside the box were layers of other snacks, all of some level of obscurity whether it was a gimmick for the holidays or an overseas specialty. “Dude, you got me set for, like, a month.”

“You’re welcome,” Leo said, surprised and sheepish at her reaction.

The girl loved her snacks.

Damián grabbed a present for Leo. “This one is from me.”

Leo unwrapped the present with a little more concern about leaving shreds of paper around the room than Eve did. The green paper revealed a shoe box. Leo slowly opened it and quickly closed it again with an embarrassed smile.

“You got me new boots?” he asked.

Damián nodded. “Yeah! You need something warmer. And waterproof.”

“This feels like a dig at my Converse.”

“It is. Yeah.”

Leo inspected his boots as Damián moved on. He handed his present to Alex who opened it slowly, peeling the tape off and sliding the paper off. Leo groaned that he was moving as slow as a 1990s computer processor. As retaliation, Alex took a break for a long sip of coffee before returning to opening the box.

Damián giggled and patted his knees.

“Is it a knitting kit?” Alex asked, pulling out a plastic pouch with knitting needles and a book.

“It’s a knitting kit for beginners,” Damián said. “You said you wanted to pick up a new hobby next year.”

“I did.” Alex smiled at Damián. “Thank you. This is really nice. I love it.”

If they had been together longer, Damián would have taken the opportunity to kiss Alex. But as their relationship was still new, he left it at a hand squeeze.

Damián distributed the rest of the gifts. He opened gourmet coffee for himself. He pretended to be surprised when he pulled paper off a half-wrapped house plant that had been sat by the window. Eve got a new video game she had been talking about for months and a new book that had gotten rave reviews from various gay blogs. Leo made out well with a new coat from Damián and a nice sweater to wear as a TA next fall from Eve and Alex.

Damián screamed as he unwrapped Alex’s gift to him. Eve flinched. He tore into the packaging immediately. Inside was an ugly, large hooded sweatshirt that wasn’t even a sweatshirt. It was made of some sort of fluffy polyester and had the feel of a blanket. But it had a hood attached and large sleeves. It was an abomination that would swallow Damián whole once he put it on.

“Is this a blanket I can wear?” Damián asked.

“You’re always cold,” Alex said.

“Thank god. We can finally turn down the thermostat,” Leo said.

“I’m going to wear it every day.”

Damián pulled it on over his pajamas. It was very soft and very warm, and he felt so wonderful in it.

“I feel like a little turtle!” Damián shouted. “If turtles had soft, fluffy shells with pockets. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” Alex said with a soft smile.

“Okay, last one.” Damián grabbed a small box messily wrapped in red paper. “Here we go. To Leo from Eve.”

“Aw, you didn’t have to get me two things,” Leo said, taking it.

“Well, the sweater was from me and Alex. And really, it was Alex who paid for it. He was just too scared to give it to you alone,” Eve said. “And I saw these online, and I had to get them for you.”

Leo’s and Eve’s friendship had blossomed. They were near inseparable and had inside jokes and running gags that Damián and Alex didn’t understand.

Leo pulled the paper off and took the lid off the little box that was inside. He gasped.

“Pins?” he asked.

“For your bag. Or teaching lanyard next year. Whatever.” Eve’s cheeks were red.

Leo pulled the first one out. It was a rectangle with the pride flag as the background and an A-shaped black and white triangle over top of it. “What’s this one?”

“It’s the ally flag.”

“So people know I’m an ally!”

Eve nodded. “Yup.”

Leo pulled out the next pin. It was a simple circle with HE HIM printed on it. “A pronoun pin! Oh my god!”

Damián pulled his hands to chest, over his heart. “Now people will know they’re safe to give you their own pronouns.”

“I’m gonna look like the best ally ever next year,” Leo said. “No other TA is going to be so supportive.”

“It’s not really a competition,” Eve said, “but yeah. You’re gonna look accepting as fuck.”

“All your students will know your class is a safe space,” Alex said.

“If I cried more, I would be crying right now.”

Leo pulled Eve into a tight hug. She almost entirely disappeared into his arms. When she emerged, her face was bright red.

“It was just something I came across,” she said with a shrug.

“Think of how many gay babies I’ll have in my class next year,” Leo said.

Alex choked on his coffee. “Okay.” He wiped his mouth with his sleeve. Damián put a hand on his arm with a sympathetic look. “How about we make breakfast?”

“Breakfast!” Eve cheered.

Damián remembered the lack of food in his cupboards and wondered if Alex had plans on making pancakes for the second meal in a row. Damián wouldn’t mind it. Alex was very good at making pancakes even if all he did was add water to boxed powder. Damián felt warm eating them.

“I’ll start cleaning in here,” Damián said.

His body was starting to feel a little heavy, the excitement of the morning wearing off.

“Next year, we should all get matching pajamas,” he said, picking up the wrapping paper from his own gifts. “All four of us.”

“I have to put my vote against that,” Leo said.

“Hey.” Damián pointed a bow at him. “I just got you back, I’m going to put you through so much misery to make sure we remember that we’re a happy family.”

He realized, his brain clouding over with fatigue, that it wasn’t the best thing to say. It wasn’t the right time to bring up past trauma. Leo looked startled. Eve left the room to avoid the awkward, sad tension.

But then Leo crossed his arms. “Then take me to sit on a mall Santa’s lap or something. Don’t make me match with Alex.”

“I’m still here,” Alex deadpanned. “I haven’t moved.”

“We’re going to do both!” Damián said. “Mall Santa in the morning. Matching pajamas on the Christmas card in the evening! And you’re gonna like it!”

Leo threw his head back in a feigned tantrum and escaped to the kitchen. Damián turned to Alex.

“I’ll do breakfast if you clean,” Alex said. He stroked Damián’s hair. “And then maybe we can take a nap?”

“I was thinking we could take the kids on a walk and maybe watch some movies—“

“Okay.” Alex nodded. “We can make plans over breakfast.”

Damián, very happy to be given what he wanted, began picking up discarded wrapping paper and ribbons. As he folded crumpled paper and set presents aside, he couldn’t help but smile. He was going to have a wonderful day. He was going to have the Christmas he had dreamed of for years.

He took a minute to sit while he folded Leo’s and Eve’s blankets. It would be perfect. They could all go on a nice walk and warm up at home with mulled wine—Alex had bought the supplies and tucked them away in the liquor cabinet to surprise Leo and Eve (who was still too young to drink but would be given an exception for the night). They would spend the night playing games and watching movies, and Damián would take his chance to cuddle Leo.

Finally, he wouldn’t be alone.

Damián closed his eyes, his head leaning back on the couch. He would just close his eyes for a second. He just needed a little boost of energy to wake him up enough for the rest of the day.

He could feel a blanket being pulled from his arms and then draped over him.

“I’m just resting my eyes,” he said.

“Sure,” Alex whispered. He kissed Damián on the top of the head. “We’ll keep breakfast warm for you.”

“No,” Damián mumbled. “I’m getting up in a second.”

But he didn’t. Alex left his side with a soft touch to his cheek. All of the plans still dancing around in his head and warmness all around him, Damián fell asleep.

#nobody ends up dead #writeblr #writblr #original writing #neud #writing community #queer fiction #writing #original work

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