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dragonedged-if · 1 year ago

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Married Variel AU

So here's something to celebrate this IF for reaching 600 followers! Wews time went by fast huh?

Also expect me writing another post one of you my dear Readers sent a ask of the RO's reactions to being pregnant or MC getting preggy so watch out for that. A song to commerate this snippet because I know you guys love Variel so...so...so...much.

The sun blazed above your head, casting a warm embrace upon the world. Leaves rustled in the gentle breeze, and birds danced through the sky, their melodious songs filling the air. You took a deep breath, savoring the moment. "What a beautiful day it is," you exclaimed, a genuine smile gracing your lips.

With a firm hand, you adjusted the strap of your sword and continued on your path, a path that led you back home. Many weeks had passed since the wedding, and you could safely say that being betrothed to Variel was both the most joyous and the most challenging moment of your life.

Variel, to her credit, remained the same arrogant and dominant predator she had always been. Everyone was surprised when you proposed to her, and you were equally taken aback when she accepted your terms, or rather, demands. Presenting the ring to her, she scoffed, a sharp sound that seemed to pierce your heart.

Variel, noticing the hurt on your face, softened her gaze, yet her smirk grew wider. "Little mouse," she began, her voice dripping with amusement, "we dragonkind don't offer trinkets as a sign of our love and devotion. Instead, we do this." She gestured for you to stand up and took hold of your hand. Raising her free hand, it suddenly burst into flames, and she pressed it against your skin. You flinched, bracing yourself for the searing burn, but to your surprise, there was no pain. Instead, you felt a strange fizzle before the flames disappeared. Variel withdrew her hand, revealing a mark on your skin where her touch had been.

"Now I belong to you!" Variel declared with a mix of possessiveness and affection. The mark on your skin was shaped like a fire on the left side and a snowflake on the right, a unique combination of emblems representing her family crest. "My family crest," she said, her voice filled with tenderness.

"Your turn," Variel said, meeting your gaze with intensity.

Variel placed a hand on the hickey you had created, and a soft blue glow enveloped her hand. "This mark you have bestowed upon me will never disappear," she whispered, her voice carrying a sense of determination. "It will serve as a warning to others that when they harm me, you will be there to protect me, just as I will be there to protect you."

In the present moment, you couldn't help but laugh. You didn't possess the same powers as Variel, but you were determined to leave your mark. You leaned in close, your lips finding her skin, and planted a hickey there, a symbol that you too had left your imprint. "As do I," you said sincerely.

Variel put her hand on your mark and it glowed with a blue hue as she touched it.

The winding road stretched out before you, and as you continued your journey, a faint, haunting sob reached your ears. Instinctively, your hand tightened around the hilt of your weapon, the familiar weight of it offering a comforting reassurance. Each step you took became deliberate, your senses heightened, your body poised for whatever awaited.

Drawing closer to the source of that anguished cry, your footsteps fell like whispers on the earth. Your heart quickened as you finally caught sight of a figure, a young woman, knelt upon the ground. She seemed so vulnerable, so fragile, in this unforgiving world.

Without hesitation, you rushed to her side, the urgency in her distress driving you forward. "Are you alright?" you inquired, your voice laced with genuine concern, and your eyes fell upon her injured ankle, marred with angry shades of bruised purple.

She turned her tear-streaked face towards you, her features youthful and fair, though wearied beyond her years. You guessed her to be no more than seventeen, a fragile soul caught in the cruel clutches of fate. "Please don't hurt me," she pleaded, her wide eyes reflecting the depths of her fear.

Your heart ached at the sight of her vulnerability, and you knelt beside her, your weapon forgotten. "I won't hurt you," you reassured her, your voice steady and warm. "I'm here to help."

As the young woman's breathing slowed and her eyes relaxed, trust seemed to blossom between you two. Gratitude spilled from her lips, her smile seemingly genuine. Yet, beneath the surface, hidden in the depths of her gaze, something sinister lurked—an insidious malice that had gone unnoticed. It's as if she's playing a role, deceiving you with her outward appearance while concealing her true intentions beneath the surface.

Swift as a striking viper, her hand lashes out towards you, propelled by an unseen force. The sting of her touch sears your skin, leaving behind a trail of pain and confusion. You barely have time to register the attack before your vision begins to sway, the world around you tilting and spinning like a carnival ride gone awry.

As your vision blurs and your head spins, you feel your body plummet to the ground like a stone, your limbs heavy and unresponsive. The air around you feels thick with tension and the scent of danger lingers in every breath. You try to speak, to demand an explanation for the sudden attack. "Wha-" but your words are swallowed by the overwhelming dizziness that consumes you.

As you collapse to the ground, the weight of your body pressing into the unforgiving earth, you hear the sound of footsteps, a symphony of shuffling and hurried movements that encircle you. The voice of a man breaks through the chaotic haze, resonating with a mixture of triumph and satisfaction.

"Nice work, Paula!" he exclaims, his voice laced with a sense of approval. His words cut through the air like a blade, piercing the veil of confusion that clouds your mind. You strain to catch a glimpse of him, to understand the identity of the person responsible for orchestrating this bewildering encounter.

Paula, the name echoes in your ears, a name that holds both power and mystery. Her role in this sinister plot becomes clear as you listen to her response, a triumphantly whispered affirmation of her success.

"Works every time," she declares, her voice dripping with satisfaction. The words hang in the air, a chilling testament to her expertise in deception and manipulation. It's as if she thrives on these treacherous encounters, using her charm and cunning to ensnare unsuspecting victims in her part as the damsel in distress.

''//(Paula's POV)//''

The unconscious stranger lay before you, and you carefully closed the lid of your ring, wary of the needle within. You had no desire to join them in their state of unconsciousness. "Quick, let's get moving!" Jarvis urged, taking the lead and reaching for the boots of the fallen stranger, deftly pulling them off.

"Damn, this one's packing gold!" John exclaimed, his fingers busy unstrapping the sword and claiming it as his own. The allure of the stolen riches seemed to momentarily erase any moral qualms.

While your companions were busy with their looting, you remained fixated on the stranger's belongings. Your eyes drifted over each item, assessing their worth. But then, a gleam of light caught your attention, and you knelt beside the unconscious figure, gently taking their wrist in your hand.

What you saw sent a shiver down your spine. On the stranger's wrist, a red flame and a delicate snowflake were marked, a combination of emblems etched in a fiery red and icy blue. Panic welled up within you, and you released their arm as if it had burned you. "Put that back!" you urged your companions, your voice trembling with urgency.

"Why?" Jarvis questioned, his fingers deftly unbuttoning the stranger's pants as John held their lower body up.

"This one is the property of a dragon! Look!" You gestured towards the mark, desperation in your eyes, but your allies exchanged amused glances.

"There she goes again with her dragon lore," Jarvis mocked, and John chimed in, "Yeah, Paula, we know that dragons are extinct."

"No, they're not! There's one!" You insisted, your voice fraught with fear as you recalled her name, Songixxone, The Raging Inferno

"Paula, more looting, less talking!" John scolded, growing impatient with your hesitation.

As you watched your companions continue their pillaging, a sense of dread washed over you. You couldn't help but fear the consequences of your actions. You hoped against hope that the dragoness, Variel, would somehow be forgiving for your transgressions.

Jarvis leaned in close, his voice filled with anger and frustration. "Why do you always get caught up in your dragon fantasies, Paula? We're here for the treasure, not some mythical creatures!"

You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks as you retorted, "Dragons are not just fantasies! They were once real, and they can still exist!"

John, his voice laced with sarcasm, chimed in, "Oh, please, Paula. Spare us your tales of fire-breathing creatures. We have more important things to focus on."

But deep down, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was truth in your beliefs. You had heard whispers, rumors of a dragon's return, hidden away from the world. The mark on the stranger's arm only fueled your conviction.

Your eyes slowly fluttered open, the world gradually coming back into focus. A shiver ran through your body as you felt a cold breeze washing over you. It was then that you realized the full extent of the bandits' cruelty. Your clothes, your valuables, everything you possessed had been mercilessly stripped away. The harsh reality struck you, leaving you clad only in your underwear, and the remnants of your dignity.

''//(1 Hour Later)//''

''//(MC's POV)//''

Summoning whatever remained of your resolve, you embarked on the journey back home, your bare feet carrying you forward. Each step was a testament to your determination, a silent vow to endure this humiliation. The sun above offered a sympathetic warmth, as if empathizing with your plight. Its golden rays kissed your skin, and for a moment, you felt a fleeting sense of comfort amidst the chaos.

"Shit!" you cursed, the words escaping your lips in a frustrated exclamation. You could already picture Variel's fiery wrath, her fierce anger at your unfortunate encounterpicturing her wrath as if it were a storm brewing on the horizon.

"I hope she doesn't notice," you muttered to yourself, casting a doubtful glance over your nearly bare form. With a resigned sigh, you gave yourself a once-over, desperately hoping for some semblance of normalcy. "Yup, she wouldn't notice," you muttered more to reassure yourself than anything else.

Thankfully, you manage to reach your house without encountering any further misfortunes. As you step through the threshold, a sense of relief washes over you, mingled with a tinge of exhaustion. The air inside feels comforting, a stark contrast to the harshness of the outside world. You take a moment to breathe, inhaling deeply, allowing the familiar scent of home to fill your senses.

As you stepped into your home, a sense of enchantment washed over you. It was more than just a residence; it felt like a wizard's tower, brimming with magic that seemed to infuse every corner. The very air hummed with mystical energy, and you couldn't help but marvel at the wonders around you.

Furniture seemed to have a mind of its own, each piece engrossed in its assigned chore. A feather duster gracefully swept across the ceiling, reaching every nook and cranny effortlessly. An axe, positioned outside, expertly chopped wood without any human intervention. Even the dishes, seemingly aware of their duties, submerged themselves in water and thoroughly scrubbed themselves on a dry cloth.

"Yup, so magical indeed," you murmured, almost in awe of the animated household items.

However, your tranquil moment was interrupted by a tap on your leg. Startled, you looked down to find a broom waiting patiently for you to move your leg. "Oh, sorry!" you apologized, granting the wooden stick passage. It scurried off, busily brushing away dust as it went.

Just as you were beginning to settle into the enchanting rhythm of your surroundings, your throat tightened as you heard a voice. It seemed to materialize out of thin air, and you turned to find a figure standing before you. Her eyes widened in surprise before she composed herself, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. "Is this some human event, my sweet, where you walk around in your underwear, or has something terrible happened to you?" Her words danced in the air, captivating yet unnerving.

Her voice was as smooth as honey but laced with an underlying sense of terror. You chuckled cautiously, knowing that lying to her was a futile endeavor. Variel had a knack for making your life a living hell if she detected any falsehood. So, you began recounting the harrowing events of the bandit attacks, Variel listening with rapt attention.

''//(Several Hours Later)//''

"I see. Well, make yourself comfortable, and I'll be back in a moment," she said, her voice dripping with an eerie mixture of care and menace. With a swift transformation, she morphed into a majestic hawk and gracefully soared out of the window disappearing into the vast sky.

Leaving you alone to contemplate the fate of those misfornutate souls who met your path.

As the voice of Variel echoed through the walls of your humble abode, you jolted upright, a sense of urgency gripping your heart. You knew all too well the consequences of angering your dragoness wife, so without hesitation, you hurriedly rose to your feet and made your way towards the door. With every step, a mix of curiosity and apprehension coursed through your veins, urging you to uncover the source of the commotion.

As you swung open the door and stepped onto the porch, your eyes were met with a sight that defied comprehension. Before you stood three figures, their naked bodies shrouded in vulnerability, their mouths gagged to silence their pleas. The shock of the scene overwhelmed you, and you couldn't help but avert your gaze, a mix of confusion and disgust bubbling within you.

"What the hell is going on here?" your voice erupted, a torrent of anger and disbelief pouring forth.

With a joyous chirp, Variel responded, "Your justice, my mouse!"

You mustered the strength to look upon the faces of the three captives, and your heart sank as recognition washed over you. Two boys and a girl, their youthful appearance hinting at ages no more than 17 or 18. But it was the girl who caught your eye, her features etched in your memory as the one who had deceived you.

"You!" you exclaimed, your voice dripping with loathing and the seething rage that consumed you.

Turning towards the girl, her tear-filled eyes glistening, you raised a trembling hand and removed the gag that silenced her. The room fell into a heavy silence, anticipation hanging in the air, as you demanded an explanation, desperate to understand the betrayal that had shattered your trust.

"I trusted you, tried to help you," you shouted, your voice laced with a mixture of pain and anger. "And yet, you tricked me?"

As her gaze shifted to her two companions, the expression of sorrow deepened. The weight of her actions bore heavily on her heart, and her voice trembled as she spoke, barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean for any harm to come to you," she continued, her words laced with regret. "We just wanted to survive."

The girl's lips quivered, her voice choked with remorse as she struggled to find the words to explain herself. The weight of her actions hung heavily upon her, and the scent of regret permeated the air, mingling with the tension that gripped the scene.

"I… I didn't know what else to do," she stammered, her voice carrying the weight of her guilt. "We were desperate, lost, and hungry."

Variel, watching the scene unfold, was unamused by the emotional display. With a bored tone, she interjected, "Boringggg!" Her yawn punctuated her lack of interest. "Here's an idea! I will let your friends go, but you will stay with us as a slave!" Variel's mischievous smile played on her lips as she taunted the girl. "Does that sound fun, my sweet mouse?"

Startled, the girl shook her head in panic. "N-no, please, please don't take me!" Her pleas fell on deaf ears as her companions, driven by fear, began to nod their heads feverously. Variel sauntered over and removed the gags from their mouths.

"We agree, just take her and set us free!" one of the men said, his voice filled with desperation. The other quickly cut in, "Do whatever you want with her. We have no objections to this!" Their words dripped with a sense of resignation and self-preservation.

Variel turned towards the girl, her eyes glistening with a sense of devilry. "It's decided then, my love! Let's keep this one and throw her friends into the dungeon for eternity!" Her laughter echoed throughout the room, a chilling sound that sent shivers down everyone's spines.

"What!?" the two men shouted in unison, their voices filled with disbelief and horror.

Variel turned to face them, her expression twisted with disgust. "You kind of people disgust me!" she spat out venomously. "Willing to trade her life for your own, despicable!" Her words cut through the air like a knife, leaving a palpable tension in the air.

"But…But!" one of them stammered, desperately trying to defend their actions.

She leaned in close, her eyes burning with a fiery intensity. "Not another word," she whispered, her voice dripping with menace. Her gaze drifted towards the captives, her eyes narrowing. "I will let you know that this female friend of yours will have a luxurious life," she said, her voice laced with a mix of cruelty and satisfaction.

Moments later, a group of armored knights burst into the area, their presence commanding attention. The leader of the knights began to speak, but his words caught in his throat as he took in the scene before him. "Umm…Are they naked?" he asked, his voice filled with uncertainty and confusion.

Variel, unfazed by the interruption, removed her cloak and draped it over the girl, covering her nakedness. "Yes, they are, and punish them harshly," she said, devoid of compassion.

The leader of the knights was taken aback by Variel's response. "You're-You're not asking us to kill them are you?" he asked, his voice filled with disbelief.

Variel rolled her eyes, a hint of annoyance in her voice. "To those snakes, a prison sentence for life is worse than death!" she exclaimed, her words laced with disdain.

She turned to face the knights, her gaze piercing. "Get them out of my sight," she ordered, her voice commanding and authoritative. The knights quickly obeyed, whisking the naked duo away.

As you pondered the strange turn of events, Variel turned to you and took you in her arms. "You're safe now, my little mouse," she murmured, her voice filled with tenderness. "No one will hurt you again."

A sense of comfort washed over you as you nestled into her embrace. Being with Variel brought about a sense of safety and security, a feeling that everything would be alright. She was not just a wife, but a protector, a fierce friend who would stop at nothing to ensure your safety and happiness.

"Do you really mean that I would be your slave?" a voice asked, the voice filled with uncertainty as you distanced yourself from her embrace, looking at the girl. The thought of being enslaved was terrifying, and you hoped for a different answer.

Variel's eyes softened, and she reached out to gently cup your face. "No, my lamb," she said, her voice filled with compassion. "You will be our maid, but you will be taken care of. Your needs for bathing, food, clothes, and anything else will be provided for." Her words carried a sense of reassurance, a promise.

"What's your name, young one?" you asked, turning your attention to the girl who had caused this upheaval. Her meek voice trembled as she replied, "Paula, sir. And I apologize again for my role in the stealing part."

"Don't worry, Paula. I'm not mad, and neither is Variel, right?" you said, looking at your wife for confirmation.

"Definitely not," Variel replied, a warm smile on her face. "Welcome to our family, Paula."

A weight seemed to lift from Paula's shoulders as she sighed with relief. "Thank you so much!" she exclaimed, her eyes glistening with gratitude.

Variel smiled, her features radiant and alight. "It was nothing, my lamb," she declared, her voice filled with a genuine sense of warmth and compassion. "Now, let's get to know each other, shall we?"

You, Variel, and Paula entered the house, leaving behind the chaos and uncertainty of the outside world. Variel snapped her fingers, and clothes charged towards her, guided by her magic. She directed them towards Paula. "Here, some clothes. We don't want you catching a cold," Variel said, her voice filled with care and concern.

"You know, you're odd sometimes," you said to Variel, a hint of amusement in your voice.

Variel laughed, her laughter like music in the air. "Sit, and I will tell you my plan when Paula returns," she said, gesturing for you to join her on the couch.

Paula returned, now wearing a maid dress, a new look for her. "Now, Paula, you have two choices here," Variel began, her voice filled with authority as Paula stood at attention. "You can work for us, and we will accommodate your needs, or you can leave and see how long you last out there." Variel's ultimatum hung in the air, the weight of the decision resting on Paula's shoulders.

"Work! I will take the first option, Madam!" Paula replied, her voice filled with determination.

"Perfect. Let's make that a contract," Variel said, summoning a notepad beside her. She began writing, outlining the terms of Paula's employment. "I assume you can handle a blade, considering your cunning. It would be perfect since you will be in the kitchen," Variel added, a hint of mischief in her voice. She finished writing and slid the contract over to Paula, along with a pen. "Sign it, and you're officially ours," she declared.

Paula took the pen and signed the contract, sealing her fate as a member of your household.

"Welcome to the family, Paula!" Variel exclaimed, pulling her into a warm embrace. Paula giggled, a sense of joy radiating from her.

You raised an eyebrow, a hint of skepticism in your voice. "So, you basically turned her into a slave because you wanted one? That's quite selfish."

Variel's eyes sparkled with mischief as she leaned in closer. "You know me, my sweet. I can be both selfish and compassionate at the same time. And she's a maid, not a slave," she said, winking playfully.

"Pfft. Humans! Who eats those? Anyway, I wouldn't eat that beautiful skin and bones!" Variel said, smirking. Her words were meant to reassure you, to let you know that she had no intention of indulging in cannibalism.

"Fine, fine. Just make sure Paula is well taken care of," you said, a note of concern in your voice. The thought of someone being mistreated under your roof was unacceptable.

"And don't have cooking human meat just for fun? We don't want her being scarred for life because of your weird sense of humor!" you warn her

"Good," you sighed in relief.

At least Variel wouldn't go down that dark path, and the two of you could have a happy ending. A part of you was glad that Paula had seen the light and chosen to remain with you rather than facing the harsh realities of the outside world. It felt nice to be caring and empathetic, especially towards someone who had wronged you.

"You're very sweet, mouse! I think that's the real reason why I've fallen in love with you," Variel said, leaning in to give you a small peck on the lips.

A rosy flush spread across your cheeks as you smiled. "You flatter me, dear wife."

"Well, it's the truth," Variel replied, her eyes filled with adoration. "Let's do this more often, huh?" she said, taking your hand in hers.

"Yeah, that sounds great. But no more kidnapping people and making them slaves," you said, a hint of playfulness in your voice.

You then kiss your wife, a gesture of love and hope for a bright future.

"Now about that hot cocoa!" she grins like a child.

"You really like your sweets, Variel."

"Yes, yes! Now let's have some!" you got up and went to the kitchen while Variel and Paula sat down and discuss more about Paula's duties and responsibilities and how she can contribute to the household.

"Oh, no! It's delicious, I mean I still remember that banana sweet!" she said dreamily.

You laughed. "At least you can enjoy my baking!"

Meanwhile, you quietly hummed to yourself as you prepared a mug of hot cocoa and banana, and as you returned, Paula had a bright smile on her face.

"Here you go! But be careful it's hot!"

"It was a joke!" she chuckles.

"Thank you so much, sir!" she took the mug and slowly blew the steam away.

Variel patted her head. "Don't mention it! As long as you're good and honest, we'll all be fine!" she said cheerfully. "You know I think you will look much more cute with a collar on your neck!" Variel muses.

"Variel!" you say aghast.

Paula was beaming. "Thank you so much for giving me a second chance! You both are wonderful!"

"I know! Thank you!" the two of you were slightly taken aback by her sudden sobriety. But it was a brief moment of sadness, one that was quickly overcome by the sheer joy and gratitude that shone in her eyes.

Variel ruffles her hair like a dog. "And you will get a wonderful new life!"

"It may not seem much to you but it's a start!" you declared.

With a wide grin, she leaned in close, her lips forming a sweet smile. "I'm sorry for what happened, I won't betray you ever again, my lady!" she says and turn to you. "And I won't forget your kindness, Mr. Sir!"

You smile back, a warm glow lighting up your features. "It's okay, Paula! We all make mistakes and as long as you're willing to learn and improve, there is always a place for you here."

With a sly wink, Variel turned to her new servant. "Trust me, this will be an amazing ride! Take it all in, little mouse!"

Variel cleared her throat. "Right, you two chatterboxes! Let's get that hot chocolate started!" She summoned a huge pot from her inventory and it filled with water and three sticks and so on.

"Hey, now!" you exclaimed, and Paula giggles, watching the spectacle with a mix of awe and amusement.

Gently, she took your hand and smiled brightly. "Our future is full of opportunities and adventures, and it's my job to make sure you both are well taken care off!"

And at that moment, you couldn't help but feel grateful, your heart light with hope and the promise of better days to come.

#Variel #Wedding AU #Anyone Wants To Be Hired As A Slave By Variel #I Mean A Maid #One Of The Benefits Is Wearing A Collar #Spotify

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afrobeatsindacity · 2 years ago

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NIGERIAN ARTISTS TO WATCH IN 2023

2022 delivered more than its fair share of exceptional artists, and they helped etch the year as one of the most significant for music in recent memory. Young artists fulfilled promised potential, established acts returned to log in excellent albums, and a certain Asake emerged from seemingly nowhere to stake a legitimate claim to artist of the year. The last of these is also evidence that predictive pieces like these may miss a few fish when casting nets to pick the brightest prospects ahead of a new year, but even the risk of missing a few future stars, here is a selection of artists, at various levels, who we believe are poised to write their names in the headlines of 2023.

Davido

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Davido opens our list of Ones To Watch in 2023, and it's not because he is a promising youngster showing some potential. Far from it. 001 was getting set to unveil a grand album, which was to be the follow-up to 2020's A Better Time, with a major concert, the A.W.A.Y. Festival, scheduled for November 2022. However, personal tragedy struck, and the artist was understandably unable to fulfil these commitments last year. In 2023, Davido will aim to get back on track, and for his fans, there is an air of excitement that hovers over his return. The singer has already teased March as a month for new music, and we cannot wait to see what he has in store for us then.

Ruger

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Ruger had a great year in 2022, logging in the deluxe to his much acclaimed The Second Wave EP from 2021. Outside of it, his 2022 portfolio was sparse, as he went for quality first, a result of which he had songs like "Girlfriend", "Wewe" and "Asiwaju" ringing from the lips of Nigerians for months. In 2023 he will set his sights on a debut album, as a very successful one will undoubtedly place him among Nigeria's finest.

Seyi Vibez

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Seyi Vibez closed 2022 spectacularly, cramming an album, Billion Dollar Baby and its deluxe into the last two months of the year. He began 2023 with hardly a break in stride, as he debuted the Memory Card mixtape only a week into the new year. Such unrelenting effort hardly goes unrewarded, and it is more likely than not that Seyi Vibez brings himself, and the experimental street pop he creates, to prominence in 2023.

Bloody Civilian

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Bloody Civilian had the subtlest of entries on the biggest of stages. She was one of a few Nigerians to feature on the soundtrack of Wakanda Forever, alongside stars like Tems, Burna Boy, Fireboy and Rema. Her discography outside this, however, is quite thin. Her brilliant self-produced debut single, "How To Kill A Man", was released in October 2022, and with nothing else since, Bloody Civilian will be keen to have some more music to her name this year.

Guchi

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Guchi is quietly growing into Nigeria's music scene. Her 2021 was spotted by singles, with the releases of "Jennifer", "Benzema" and "Scatter My Head" pushing her into public perception for the first time. In 2022, she coalesced her efforts into an EP, Purple Diary, which featured Yemi Alade, as it criss-crossed Pop and RnB while contemplating matters of love and heartbreak. In 2023 she will aim to take another step further, and stamp her name on a debut album. Nigeria's music scene could do with another female popstar right now, and it is left for Guchi to angle herself to fill that position.

Victony

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Victony has patiently taken every step on the journey here. His contribution on "Holy Father" off Mayorkun's Back In Office in 2021 was the first time most Nigerians got acquainted with his sonorous voice, and since then they've only wanted more. And he has provided. Victony's EP, Outlaw, performed modestly in Nigeria, and extended its claws beyond the country with its hit single, "Soweto". For the next step of his journey, he will be looking to log in a debut album or another strong EP, and we expect at least one of these to arrive this year.

Tems

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The last three years have been nothing short of magical for Tems. She entered 2020 as a Nigerian alternative upcomer and has left 2022 as one of the most recognisable African stars in world music. If Orange Was A Place was her last official release from back in 2021, but since then she has had contributions on albums from Future, Beyonce and the Wakanda Forever collective raise her profile without needing to break a sweat. In 2023 though, it would be time to release the music she undoubtedly has been working on all this while. A debut album is still in her future, and we cannot imagine how much bigger she will grow after its eventual release.

Odumodublvck

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Following the success of "Dog Eat Dog", Odumodublvck, Nigeria's self proclaimed 'Grime and Oporoko' singer, inked a deal with Native Records in 2022. From it was born the single, "Picanto", and there is a lot more to come. With the talent the rapper possesses, the distinctiveness and originality of his genre and the backing of a new label, Odumodublvck is a safe bet to make as one of the better performers of 2023.

Soundz

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Soundz released an EP, In The Rough, in July, and two songs off it, "Personal" and "Attention" brought him the most publicity of his career so far. With the silky melodies he laces over mellow pop beats, he already operates in what is a favourite zone for the Nigerian audience, and it is now time for him to properly announce himself to them. An A-lister status still eludes him, though, and he would have to work especially hard to achieve it this year.

Fave

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Winning Rookie Of The Year confers on any artist the pressure to outgrow that tag and enter the next level as an artist. For Fave, this is hardly a problem, as her current discography suggests she is yet to fully scratch the surface of her potential. Baby Riddim, her breakout hit from late 2021, and Riddim 5, the EP it spawned, leaned heavily on RnB with subtle touches of pop. With her latest single, "Scatta Scatta", she went for the dance-readiness of afropop and ragga elements, a field she proved equally adept at. There is still a lot more of her artistry left to explore, and this may just be the year she becomes a permanent resident of Nigerian music's top level.

TAR1Q

TAR1Q was officially unveiled by Chocolate City in July this year, and he came bearing a gift — his Son Of The Moon EP. Here he presented his own warped take on love and relationships, letting his vocals slide over production that cut from the softer parts of Afropop. Before and since this though, there's not a lot going for him, but between his ability and the force of a major record label behind him, we expect him to significantly grow his portfolio in 2023.

And there you have it. A selection of artists tipped to conquer Nigeria's airwaves and charts this year. A few of them have already begun making early moves, while others will wait for the right time to unveil music that they hope would be good enough to move them a level higher this year. With the sheer volume and quality of Nigeria's artist pool, no single article would be sufficiently long to mark a register of the current hottest names, but these acts have proven they have the X-factor required to set themselves apart. We cannot wait to see them attain new peaks in 2023.

This article was written by Afrobeats City Contributor Ezema Patrick - @ezemapatrick (Twitter)

#Afrobeats #Afrobeats City #Article #Nigerian artists #Africa #African music #Nigeria #Nigerian music.#Youtube

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pettybourgeoisblues · 8 months ago

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Wew got high and finally was able to imagine/conceptualize what it would have been like if I had felt free to trans my gender from the start. Like if when the genders suddenly started to segregate socially at a young age, being nonbinary was a thing and it was widely understood how gender varies like a spectrum, and transition is very much a thing both possible and good. I think I would have been nb/gf for a bit, dabble briefly with testosterone before ultimately settling on estrogen and a womanly identity. Or at least a path of some similar shape. Basically paralleling my actual journey just quicker and better. Like faster actualizing. And actually endiing up with not too dissimilar an identity from how I am now. Damn was that cathartic

#gender #trans

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revenge-of-the-shit · 4 years ago

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From Disconnected Conduit

Wew. What a damn journey. I started this fic during quarantine because I had nothing better to do and it blew up from a one-shot into a 100,000+ word fic that’s still going. Taking a break from writing and finishing up some drawings has been pretty good in terms of destressing, so here’s the finished concept art I have for the damn fic.

Thanks to all of you who’ve been super supportive since the start. The next chapter will be out within the next two weeks (or so I hope)

#disconnected conduit #sw #star wars #star wars fanart #fanart #sw fanart #mortis arc #sw fanfic #star wars fanfic #sw fanfic rec #eldritch star wars #eldritch #eldritch anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker #ahsoka tano #obi-wan kenobi #star wars au #sw au

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imnotwolverine · 5 years ago

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The good, the bad and the parents

Henry Cavill x OC Lisa - multi-chapter fic

Author’s note: There’s a lot of ups and downs when you live your life in the spotlights... Gosh this chapter got so long. OOPS. I hope you Henry-bear lovers can endure.

Word count: 4.918

Disclaimer: fluff

This is part 11 of the Tea for Two story.

Find the Masterlist here.

< Go back to part 10

The cab rocked over the cobbled stones as it moved at a snail’s pace through the narrow London streets. I wasn’t even bothering anymore to check what time it was, but it was dark and it had been raining for hours. Prejudice confirmed: England stands equal to rain. Blergh. I really hadn’t missed this moody European weather.

I looked over at Henry, whose baritone voice hummed through the cab as he was making a phone call. He was rubbing his temple in annoyance, his whole body silently screaming: Fuck this phone conversation. Poor bear.

I felt my heart ache for him, but it didn’t seem like a good moment to bother him with well-meant cuddles. I looked back out of the window, trying to find any street signs. Were we almost there? The thick water drops on the window made it rather difficult to decipher anything and I soon enough gave up, sighing softly.

This had been one shitty journey. Excruciatingly long, with lots of bad weather, endless delays, some trouble with Kal’s traveling papers and as a cherry on top: lost baggage. Sometimes travelling was fun. Sometimes it wasn’t. Today it was definitely the latter.

‘Madam, sir, looks like the road is blocked. I could drop you off here. It’s a 5-minute walk to the address if you take a right turn here.’ The cab driver pointed at a small alleyway between the sloping brick buildings. Henry looked up from his call, moving the phone from his ear and covering it with his hand. ‘Alright..’ He nodded, before looking at me with a defeated smile. ‘Let’s go home.’ He said, the fatigue evident in his voice. I nodded in turn, sitting up and paying the cab driver while Henry quickly finished his phone call.

—

After what seemed like the longest suitcase walk from hell, including freezing cold rain, uneven cobblestone roads, a very impatient Kal tugging at his leash and a tired-to-the-bone Henry..we arrived. Finally! For heaven’s sake!

Henry was busy digging up his keys, so I took the moment to look around, the rain having thankfully dimmed down to a light drizzle. I wiped the wet strands of hair out of my face and peered through the dimly lit street. I could distinguish a small courtyard, surrounded by a dozen small Mews houses laid out in pretty red brick. This is rather cute. I didn’t know what I had exactly expected from Henry’s house. I guess probably something more modern. Something like a Hollywood bachelor pad with large windows and clean white walls. Now…this was anything but that. This was actually really quaint and romantic.

I felt Henry’s hand on mine as he took my suitcase, awakening me from my silent observation of the neighbourhood. Our eyes met. ‘So..’ Henry started, moving my suitcase inside, being immediately interrupted by Kal who’d walked up to Henry, shaking off the rain from his thick fur coat. ‘KAL! Come on man.’ Henry wrinkled his nose as the drops flew around, his one arm trying to shield himself, while the other pushed Kal to the back of the hallway. I chuckled softly. ‘Try two.’ Henry sighed, stepping back towards the door and gesturing me to come inside. ‘Milady. I’d like to welcome you to my..humble abode.’ He said, politely nodding his head. I smiled warmly at him, quickly shrugging off my coat as he took it from me, placing it on a hook near the door.

The house oozed “Henry”. Be it the slightly musky smell, the coatrack full of discarded jumpers and coats - all his - or the gazillion dog toys that were strewn over the floor. Okay, maybe the house was 50% Kal, 50% Henry. I smiled at the thought as I heard Kal’s nails happily ticking on the old oak floors. I looked over my shoulder, seeing Henry still standing near the door. What was he up to? His large blue eyes looked back at me quietly, expectantly. Was he nervous about my first impression of his house? I smiled a reassuring smile before peeling off my wet shoes and joined Kal in what appeared to be the living room.

Henry followed close at my heels as I started to look around. A small living room with a soft grey corner sofa, shelves filled with movie paraphernalia, fantasy books and pictures. And of course Henry’s trusty treadmill, that was placed in the far back corner - used whenever he didn’t feel like doing his morning cardio outside. ‘This is so much homelier then I expected.’ I smiled, looking for Henry over my shoulder, but instead being greeted by his whole body as he pressed himself against me.

‘Hmmm.’ Henry hummed, his wet hair dripping on my cheek. I chuckled softly, leaning into his broad chest as he wrapped his arms around me, his hands folding around mine to warm them back up. ‘You’re freezing.’ He whispered, pulling me even closer. I nodded in silent agreement. I was too tired for polite conversation and just wanted to enjoy his hug, allowing my eyes to fly back to Kal who was zooming around the house happily, a toy squashed in his large muzzle. ‘Well at least ONE of us still has some energy left.’ I groaned. ‘Yea..I probably should walk him soon before he breaks the whole place down.’ Henry said, pushing his nose into the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. ‘Probably.’ I smiled, enjoying his hot breath as it made my skin tingle. I had long forgotten the cold and rainy weather outside now my personal body heater had pressed himself against me. I hummed happily, turning around in his arms and looked up into his stormy blues. ‘Welcome home.’ I said, earning the first real - albeit tired - smile from him in hours.

——

The next morning I decided to give myself a little house tour. Henry had of course shown me some essentials last night. Essentials like the toilet and the bed. And…well..okey..maybe that was actually all. We simply hadn’t made it much further than the bed since we had been too tired. But.. the good news was that it had left me a whole 2 bedroom house filled with Henry’s stuff to explore now Kal and Henry were out for a quick morning walk, picking up some breakfast for the three of us. Perfect timing for some snooping around.

One shower later, my body now wrapped in some comfy dark blue palazzo trousers and a big beige sweater, I decided it would be the upper floor first. A floor that was covered in such light beige carpet that it was an absolute no-go-zone for Kal and his mess. No dog toys to be tripped over at night. The master bed room with its four poster king size bed was simple yet effective. There was a large closet with Henry’s clothes on one end of the room and it connected directly to a good sized bathroom with his and hers sinks, a toilet, shower and bath. Quite the luxury for London standards. On the landing there was another huge built-in closet running the whole length of the wall. I opened a few doors. Gym clothes, neatly stacked. Of course. Another door. Leather jackets, at least 20. Goodness..me. I don’t think I ever met a man with this many clothes. The closet door at the far right however proved to be the most interesting. Oh yes! Costumes! I let my hand glide over some of the materials. Movie costumes. Hmm. I had been aware of the fact that only one set of each costume was saved when a movie production was wrapped up. But I had never really thought about what happened to the other costume sets. Well. Apparently they were all stored here by Henry, as this closet was about to burst with the many costumes it contained.

My fingers drifted over the fabrics, before halting when they touched a supple deep red fabric. Hmm. Intriguing. Very different from all the medieval-like browns and greys. I pulled it out. A cape. Oh. OH! Superman’s cape! Well how about that. It was surprisingly light, flowing effortlessly through the air as I moved it around. Pretty.

‘Honey, I’m back.’ Henry’s voice sounded from the bottom of the stairs. DARN! I hadn’t even heard the front door. I swallowed my surprised gasp as I quickly pushed the cape back in between the costumes. ‘Coming!’ I chanted, struggling as this darn closet was way too closely packed. Hmmpfff. ‘GET BACK IN THERE.’ I muttered under my breath. ‘Want some tea?’ He asked, still at the bottom of the stairs. ‘Ye..DARNIT,’ A few costumes fell off their hangers, now causing a whole avalanche of clothes to spill out. ��YES.’ I exclaimed, perhaps a tad too loud. I heard Henry’s chuckle come closer as his feet moved up the creaking stairs.

‘Ah, so that’s what you’re up to.’ His chuckle turned into a laugh as he saw me struggling with a bunch of costumes in one arm, Superman’s cape in the other. ‘Oh..’ My eyes got big with embarrassment. ‘Sorry…’ I felt a blush creep up my cheeks. ‘Me and this closet were just having a little…disagreement.’ I said while Henry took over some of the costumes, his big blue eyes giving me an amused look. ‘I see.’ He grinned, looking back at the closet. ‘I guess I really should get a bigger closet for all of these, hmm?’ He smiled, his body turning towards the closet to put back the costumes one by one. Inadvertently my eyes caressed his tall frame as his arms flexed under the soft material of his grey sweater. So hot. Wew.

He turned back around, making his stubborn curl fall back over his forehead as he reached for the cape in my arm. He rubbed his thumbs over the fabric, gingerly smiling. The sudden realisation came over me I was right now looking at Superman. The Superman. Especially with that darn curl tumbling down his forehead..he sure was the spitting image of the superhero. I felt another blush creep up my cheeks and was more then glad that Henry didn’t notice as he finally reached back into the closet to squeeze the cape back in there.

And…another few costumes fell out again. He sighed, letting out a dry chuckle while looking down at the costumes that had tumbled to his feet. ‘See!’ I exclaimed, laughing at the fact that Henry was failing to do the exact same thing I had tried. He raised a handsome eyebrow, shrugging. ‘I guess Supe’s doesn’t want to go back in there.’ He pulled the cape back out and placed it carefully back in my arms. GOSH, stop blushing girl. I felt my cheeks burn as he moved back up from picking up some of the fallen down costumes. ‘What is it?’ He asked, half-knowing the answer, a humoured glint in his eyes. ‘Oh..nothing.’ I breathed, quickly lowering my eyes at the cape. ‘So where do we leave this..?’ I said, trying to sound casual about it, shrugging slightly, still feeling the slight blush burning on my cheeks. ‘Just put it on the bed. We’ll find a place for it later. Let’s have breakfast.’ He said, cupping my cheek and placing a chaste kiss on my lips.

How in the hell did I ever get to date Superman? Life’s so weird.

——

It was the night of the London premiere. I was fidgeting endlessly while waiting for the cab to arrive. I walked back to the mirror in the hallway, checking my hair and make-up for the gazilionth time. It was fine. I looked fine. Pffft. E-very-thing would be fine. Keep it together girl. I straightened out my thick winter jacket, again, and paced back to the living room. Kal was fast asleep on the floor, the lights were dimmed down and the house was quiet. Oh how I wish I could just stay at home and get comfy on the couch with a cup of tea. But avoiding challenging situations was not my thing. I best just get this over with, right?

A car approached and I felt my heart jump again. That must be it. I felt my phone buzz, alarming me the cab had arrived. Okey. Let’s go. Let’s..let’s meet the parents.

——

I entered the gallery of the movie theatre while the interviews were being held on the red carpet outside. Already there was quite a buzz and it took me a good moment to find the cloakroom where I could drop off my jacket. Alright, what’s next? I let my eyes travel through the crowd, trying to find any familiar faces. Some hair- and make-up ladies…nahh..I barely knew them. Anyone else? I looked further and further until my gaze reached the far back corner. And sure enough - Thank the gods! - I noticed a few of the sound guys from Poland and my uneasy heart calmed down. Friendly folk. I picked up a glass of white wine at the bar and made my way to them, earning praising looks as they noticed me appearing from the crowd. The black and white dress was working its magic.

‘Not too bad looking yourself gents.’ I winked, stepping into their little circle and clinking my glass with theirs. ‘Ah..it’s at least an attempt.’ The Sound 1 guy smiled, shrugging. I believed his name was Jack, but everyone always called him Sound 1 so I wasn’t completely sure. I nodded at him and Jack sighed, his suit jacket barely holding on as the button strained under his bulging belly. And do I spy he is still wearing his usual dark blue jeans? I quietly chuckled, taking a sip of my wine. Nerds will be nerds.

‘So now it’s just waiting for your prince charming, huh?’ Jack asked, looking around the room. ‘Worse even. I’m about to meet…the parents.’ I muttered quietly, taking another large sip, hoping the wine would further calm my nerves. ‘OH! Well ain’t that exciting. Surely they are friendly folk.’ He smiled, his gruff moustache curling up. He reminded me somewhat of a chubby Jack Nicholson with beard. Yea..surely his name was Jack. It fit him.

‘Hey,’ Sound 2 interrupted us. ‘I think that’s them.’ We looked at the direction he was pointing at, seeing a small blonde lady with neatly coifed hair followed by a bear of a man. Oh my. That looks like them. They look just like the pictures Henry showed. I quickly turned back, seeing the men were making no attempt to hide their stares. ‘Don’t stare.’ I admonished, patting Sound 2 - Alex? was it Alex? - on his arm. He grinned, his eyes meandering through the room before finally looking back at me. ‘Well..no worries. They’re off to the bar. I think you’re safe for another few minutes. So.. the first time meeting them..and it’s right here at the premier, hmm?’ Alex / Sound 2 said, raising a careful eyebrow before turning to one of the others who asked him a question.

I hadn’t quite heard what they were discussing, so I just decided to smile before taking another sip of my wine. These silly nerves! How bad could it really be? I quickly glanced over my shoulder, noticing Henry’s father leaning over the bar to order a drink. Hmmpff! When would Henry be here? There was no sighting of him yet and with my current drinking speed I sure would be hella drunk by the time I’d finally get to shake hands with his parents. I looked back at the group, noticing Alex was looking back at me. His big grey eyes were looking even bigger through the thick lenses of his glasses, enlarging every movement of his eyes. Alex was your typical “grey mouse”, currently wearing a dull grey suit which was perhaps a size too large for his slender frame, his long fingers wrapped around a nearly empty glass of beer. I smiled awkwardly at him, taking a shallow breath.

‘So ..eh…what have you guys been up to? Got any projects going on right now?’ I asked. Alex shrugged. ‘Oh just some small projects. Nothing real interesting. Just waiting for the new season to start.’ Alex said, rolling the last sip of his beer around in his glass. ‘Going to get another drink. Can I get you folk anything?’ He asked, looking up at the others, whom were quick to order: three more beers and a soda. His eyes fell on me, before looking down at my nearly empty wineglass. ‘Another?’ He smirked. ‘I guess so…’ I sighed, looking down at the glass. Was it smart to get hammered? Probably not.. ‘You know what. I’ll follow you there. Might as well get this over with and “accidentally” run into his parents.’ I said, downing the last bit of wine and turning towards the bar. I couldn’t see them right now since the room was too crowded, but surely they were still there. Alex nodded. ‘Fair enough. Grab the bull by the horns!’ He smiled. I rolled my eyes at him, immediately feeling that nervous flutter in my guts.

Oh Henry. Please be here soon.

——

I had ordered my wine and found Henry’s parents standing just a few meters away. I took a deep breath, nodding at Alex who had placed the other drinks on a tray, before heading over.

I squeezed through the crowd and quickly swallowed my nerves. ‘Hi there.’ I said. The man and woman immediately looked up at me, their faces telling me they were definitely recognising me. Had Henry shown some pictures? Probably. ‘Henry’s parents right?’ I smiled. ’Oh! Oh yes! Sorry dear. Hello. You must be Lisa. My my you are SO tall! My name’s Marianne…’ The woman reached out her small warm hand, eagerly folding it around mine and shaking it. ‘..And I am Colin.’ The man spoke in deep english accent, also shaking my hand. Henry obviously got the tall genes from his dad, and the good looks from his mom. Her greyblue eyes sparkled through thick long lashes as a kind smile made her cheeks dimple. A pretty woman for sure.

‘Nice to meet you Marianne..Colin. I’m sorry for the intrusion. I guess I was getting more nervous to meet you with the passing minute..’ I smiled awkwardly, not finishing my sentence. Marianne laughed, sounding like chiming bells as she squinted her eyes. ‘Oh how darling! Well it is nice to finally meet you.’ She peered into my eyes with something that could be best described as motherly love. Okey. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad. She seemed nice.

‘I can remember when I got to meet Colin’s parents. I was absolutely terrified!’ She winked, eyeing her husband as he shrugged, unimpressed. ‘It wasn’t that bad dear.’ He said, before taking a better look at me. ‘You are..dutch..right?’ He asked. I nodded. ‘Yes. Born and raised, then moved to Los Angeles when I was 27, for work.’ I answered, trying my best to curl my tense lips in a soft smile. Oh these darn nerves. I took another quick sip of my wine, while Colin continued. ‘All praise for the dutch. I had some dutch colleagues during my time in the navy and they sure were good folk. Straightforward, hard working..and dare I say perfect company for a game of cards.’ He winked. Marianne quickly poked him in his ribs. ‘Colin! Don’t make her another victim of your card games.’ She huffed, earning a shrug from her husband. ‘She doesn’t like it when I joke around.’ He said a touch more softly while slightly leaning into me. I rolled my eyes. ‘I highly doubt it.’ I smirked, seeing Marianne’s mock-annoyed roll of the eyes. We all laughed.

‘But I do think the rest of your description is quite fitting. We are straightforward and hard working people, the dutch. I remember that moment when I got to LA. My team was super apprehensive of having this “european chick” joining their team, but thankfully they soon warmed up to me. So much so, that I now lead the team, which is super cool.’ I smiled at Colin. He nodded. ‘A career woman!’ He laughed. ‘Sort of..’ I shrugged, ‘..Though I have more to live for than just work.’ I said, taking another quick sip of my drink. ‘Hmmm..that reminds me of..’ Colin started.. ‘Oh! And Henry told me you are a fantastic cook!’ Marianne interjected, quickly stopping Colin from bringing up fuzzy old memories. We shared a mutual smile as I answered. ‘I guess so. I don’t like to boast, but..yes.. I guess I’m a pretty good cook..And it’s especially fun since Henry is into cooking as well. It’s good to have a shared hobby.’ I spoke, noticing Colin’s gaze had moved to something happening at the other side of the room.

‘But you are a quite phenomenal cook too, aren’t you?’ I winked at Marianne, turning a bit so I could also take a quick glance at the commotion near the entrance. All I saw was lots of flashes. ‘Well that’s what you do when there’s six hungry men to feed!’ Marianne laughed, moving to her tippy toes and craning her neck in an attempt to see anything. The crowd was too tall, completely blocking her view and she soon sighed in defeat. ‘If only I would grow a bit more in height from all that food!’ She exclaimed.

‘There he is! The man of the hour.’ Colin boasted proudly, wrapping an arm around his wife. Marianne smiled up at him, before looking at me, giddy excitement sketching her face. ‘Is he coming our way?’ She asked, peering in the direction of the flashes. I looked back at the cloud of flashing cameras, only seeing the top of his hair as he ever so slowly coasted through the crowd. ‘..Eventually.’ I shrugged, amusement in my voice. I turned back towards them.

‘So do you also live here in London?’ I asked. Colin shook his head, his eye occasionally flying back to Henry’s direction. ‘No, no, we’re just here for a few days. Visiting some family and friends before flying back to our beloved Jersey Islands on Sunday.’ He said. Marianne shrieked and folded her hand around my arm, eagerly pulling it to turn me around. ‘LOOK!! I see him! There there!’ She squealed. Me and Colin shared a knowing look, both amused at her excitement. Such a proud mom. Colin winked at me before squaring his shoulders with pride as “the man of the hour” finally neared us. ‘Moms will be moms.’ He said airily.

Henry wore a dark grey suit, his black blouse buttoned open to show a smattering of chest hair. Gosh. He looked so handsome. I squeezed my knees closer together, feeling my core burn up for him. Okay Lisa. Focus. Calm down. Act normal. Just act normal. I looked back in his direction and our eyes interlocked for a brief moment before he accidentally bumped into some people, immediately offering his profuse apologies. I smiled, not being able to tear away my eyes from him as he moved his attention to closing the last bit of the distance between us. My silly, far too handsome man.

While Henry tried to move to us, it seemed to get more and more crowded. There were so many people trying to get a look at Henry that we were soon finding ourselves trapped in a pushing and pulling mayhem of fans and press. Oh man. This is not cool. I looked down at Marianne, who was so very small compared to all these tall people around us. She looked at me with a slight shade of concern in her eyes, her tiny figure leaning heavily into Colin’s broad chest. This is so not cool. I looked back at Henry, whose eyes were now piercing mine as he was just an arm’s reach away from us. His eyes spoke a thousand words. I’m so sorry. I hate this just as much as you do. I want to get out of here.

At long last the path was cleared - apparently Henry did have two bodyguards with him that finally managed to control the crowd. He first wrapped his arms around his mother, pulling her in for a big hug, before shaking hands with his father. They exchanged a word or two before he turned around, smiling at me. Oh my dear Henry. We looked at each other like two puppy dogs in love. ‘Hello beauty.’ He whispered, leaning in to press a chaste kiss on my lips. Flash flash flash. ‘You’ve already met my parents, I see.’ He winked, turning back towards his parents. ‘My my. Mom you look great!’ He complimented, a broad smile on his face. She poked him in the arm. ‘Oh stop it you.’ She cooed. ‘Shall we..find somewhere more quiet?’ He asked, looking around to signal his bodyguards before looking back at us.

Yes. Oh please! I thought, feeling myself getting more and more annoyed as someone was continuously poking me in the back. I looked over my shoulder and immediately a wild flash burst right in my face. HMMPFF. blinked my blinded eyes a few times, grasping Henry’s arm to steady myself. These people! Have some mercy..please! Fucking hell. I felt a protective hand fold over mine. ‘You okay?’ He breathed, pulling me closer. I nodded quietly, feeling slightly disoriented as the lights danced in front of my eyes. He nodded once my dazed eyes looked back at him, his brows slightly furrowing. ‘Let’s go.’ He muttered, clearly not amused by the whole thing.

We moved our drinks to the bar, not wanting to spill them, before a new path was cleared and we finally managed to move away. No more blinding camera flashes. No more posters and Witcher paraphernalia that were shoved in our faces, to be signed. And no more gossip that was spoken just a tad too loud - ‘Look at how flat she is. She definitely needs to eat.’ - ‘Did you see that? She’s sooo ugly.’ - ‘PSSSTTT! Snake! You’re a snake!’

I clung to Henry’s arm as if he were my life buoy. Sure I had gotten a thick skin throughout the years of working in the movie industry..but still.. it stung when people spoke like that. I felt my heart sink with every word and a silent tear burned in my eye as I crushed my teeth together, trying to keep up good appearances. By the time we arrived at a more secluded area where we could sit down, I had almost squeezed Henry’s arm to mush.

‘You can relax now.’ He whispered, laying gentle fingers over my hand. I let out a shivery breath as our eyes met. Those knowing blue eyes. I felt my lip shiver as the unshed tears burned. He looked at me with question and all I could do was shake my head, a hot tear moving down my cheek. Within an instant he had wrapped his arms protectively around me, hiding me from prying eyes. He leaned his head down, quietly nuzzling my hair. ‘I’m so sorry.’ He whispered quietly. ‘This was not okay and I’m sorry.’ We stood there for a quiet moment, embracing each other, while my tears dried. I couldn’t even care that much for whomever saw me. Or what his parents would think. I was just glad Henry was there. Glad I could at least hide away in his big bear-arms.

‘I…I need a drink.’ I said with shivery voice while slowly untangling myself from his arms. He looked at me, his calm blue eyes studying my green ones. ‘Do you want to go home?’ He asked honestly, no judgement in his voice. I shook my head, quietly smiling. ‘No..no. It’s fine. It’s just..the nerves kind of got to me. And now I finally get to meet your parents and I’m a crying mess…’ I spoke, feeling one of his thumbs rubbing my cheek. ‘Do I look like a raccoon now?’ I asked, seeing him smile down at me. ‘No. No, you look perfect.’ He said. ‘Somehow I doubt that.’ I raised an eyebrow, shaking my head softly. ‘I swear it! Scout’s honour! You look beautiful and your make-up is where it should be and…’

I gasped, quickly swatting his arm. ‘My make-up is where it should be, huh?’ I huffed, quickly retrieving my phone from my handbag to check it for myself. Hair. Make-up. Okey, fine. He was right. I was looking surprisingly fresh and my make-up was indeed still looking alright. I looked back at Henry who was looking at me with such awkward desperation, he sure as hell was expecting to be dragged to hell and back. ‘Okay, it’s fine.’ I shrugged in silent defeat. He sighed and immediately his face lit up as he hummed in delight, quickly placing a kiss on my cheek. ‘Pfieww! Got me worried there. I would not want to get in your bad book.’ He smiled. I rolled my eyes, wrapping an arm around him and looked to the corner where his parents had taken a seat. They had squeezed themselves in a corner of a large fluffy purple couch, currently having an animated conversation with one of the waiters.

‘Okay.’ I nodded with a determination in my voice. ‘I’m okay. Let’s join your parents.’

‘Okay.’ Henry smiled, offering me the warmest of smiles.

Part 12 >

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #fanfic #henry cavill fluff #fluff #witcher #world premiere #london #meet the parents #kal #travel #teafortwo #superman

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wormbook22 · 4 years ago

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Hello world... again

Hellooo,

Thank you for finding me! \(^o^)/

This blog is mostly to promote my favorite arts & music, plus some stuffs about audio production (technical or not).

I used to have another blog on the same topics under the same name. However, due to some issues with Tumblr support (nothing illegal I swear o.O), I now need to create another one.

What you’ll find here:

Reviews of mostly non-mainstream musicians and their works (albums, singles, soundtracks, lives, operas etc.)

My journey of sound exploration, including discussion of music genres, recording techniques, instrument design etc.

(Sometimes) Other stuffs: books, art films, anime, paintings, comics, manga, sculptors, 3D rendering etc.

MINIMAL shitposting. I may post #random things and #announcement from time to time. The truly irrelevant stuffs are marked with #please ignore. Just block them.

I aim to churn out contents once every week for short posts (starting Aug this year), but more in-depth stuffs may take months, as I’m rather busy irl.

Now, here are some house rules before I start with the juicy posts:

1. Non-mainstream music?

That’s over-generalizing a bit, but I like weird stuffs from different genres all over the world. If it’s done right to me, it doesn’t matter if it’s jazz, pop, house, avant-garde, classical, hip-hop, soundtrack stuffs or whatever in-between. A few examples (not in any order): Kajiura Yuki, Ennio Morricone, Billie Eilish, Sergei Rachmaninoff, Björk, Agust D, Ulrich Drechsler, Hanoi Duo.

With that said, I’m quite biased with a mix of powerful female vocals, stuffs in minor keys & lots of evolving counter melodies. Sure, each of those do typically appear in mainstream music, but I tend to prefer more eclectic combinations of them. I’m sure I’ll unconsciously cover more people like that.

You’ll likely discover lots of weird people here. Do follow official channels of those who interest you! :D

2. Sound exploration...?

Well, after having too much time for introspection during Covid-19, I’m thinking of switching career to something along the line of foley artist or sound engineer. No idea what I want yet, so I’m exploring possible professions. Since this is a music-related blog, I just want to share my journey, haha.

Posts about this will have a separate hashtag so those not interested can ignore them. Topics will range from modding instruments, sound-making & recording paraphernalia, music theory, music history etc.

3. Weeb? NO. Maybe nerd at most.

In case someone spotted me mentioning “anime” and “manga” and thought “what if...”, no, I’m not into waifus, bishounen cults, or the other stuffs (you know what I mean)... Do not expect such contents here, though you can freely fangirl/fanboy about your favorite stuffs in the comment section (but keep it toxic-free plz) (^o^)/

I love many anime & manga series just as much as I enjoy Pan’s Labyrinth or NatGeo documentaries. I casually join fandoms, but I’m not hardcore and by no means an expert in anything. So do correct me if I get some facts wrong!

4. NO political stuffs, conspiracy theories, fan wars etc.

More like, I’ll keep potentially toxic stuffs to the minimum. I’ll still discuss them objectively if they’re relevant to the topic at hand. E.g. how a group’s disbandment may affect a musician’s solo career etc.

With all the crap happening in the world, we could do with a bit more positivity. And cooler heads. So I will NOT rant extensively about such things. And I WILL report such posts if I ever see them here.

I don’t care if you shitpost elsewhere. I do too. But please just spare this place...

Also, yes, it’s important to be aware of certain social issues.

However, I believe such things should be discussed with well-sourced information, clear illustrations and non-malicious intents. Not angry people throwing their opinions on the table, and sometimes throwing the table themselves. And more importantly, MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, social issues must be solved by consistently educating oneself and taking actions OFFLINE.

If you still wanna do that here, please please please switch to DM. I do want to have discussions with you.

Finally, I naturally stand at a respectful distance to my fav musicians.

I do get hyped and have expectations ahead of releases. But I’m not the type to directly message my favorite musicians, or queue up for hours to get their autographs. I also don’t collect merchandise or limited-edition items. I don’t go on “pilgrimages”. Just listening to their music, promoting them and supporting them financially (through streaming, buying releases, attending lives) is good enough for me. I don’t encourage this kind of behavior actually. Without avid fans, lots of musicians would starve... But this is just how I am. Plus, there’re just too many musicians I like. If I were too hardcore, I wouldn’t have time & resources to support them all xD

I’m interested in what they can share about their personal lives, but I don’t want to dig deeply into things that may disturb them. Unless they did something unlawful (not just morally questionable) that went unnoticed or unresolved (like smoking weed where it’s banned and not getting caught).

I love to discuss what make them spark as well as their flaws, casually but objectively. But I’m only human so biases is unavoidable. I always want to anticipate their next works or breakthroughs, if any, as long as their interest in making decent music is still there.

Liking their music doesn’t mean I need to like them as people. And certainly not love them romantically.

I sometimes need to compare some aspects of them (e.g. musical inspiration, background, how they’ve changed following financial success or failure etc.) But I’ll avoid that as much as possible, especially when it comes to music groups. A group is more than just its members.

All questions & gossip regarding opinions of fanbases should go to my inbox, and not anonymously (cuz I can’t reply you otherwise). I wanna keep this space clean, so I want to avoid fan wars & jumping to conclusions. Pretty sure it will happen eventually anyway, one way or another...

Wew, that sure is a lot of text *sweats*. Hope I’ve made it clear to you and myself what this blog will be like.

Please anticipate my next post around 2 months from now.

Thanks for reading. m(_ _)m

#music #review #hello world #why am I posting this when my next post's supposed to be 2 months from now

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notesbeforewesleep · 4 years ago

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SELF IDENTITY (Crisis)

Ngomongin soal jati diri, kalian pernah dong pasti satu waktu ngalamin kaya kondisi bingung kita itu sebenernya siapa, apa yg kita mau , tujuan hidup kita apa, kemudian lama-lama hopeless gitu kaya menjalani hidup sekadar mengalir tapi kita merasa bahwa ada sesuatu yg salah yg sedang kita jalani? Salahnya tuh kaya, kita merasa bahwa ini kayanya bukan kita bgt deh, kemudian kita kembali lagi ke pertanyaan awal, terus gue ini sebenernya siapa? Muter aja terus disitu. Ya gatau ya … karena Gue merasa bahwa fase ini tuh bukan Cuma gue yg pernah mengalami, kayanya hampir semua orang pernah ada di fase ini gitu, sebelum akhirnya mereka berhasil menemukan titik dimana mereka bahagia dan nyaman menjalani hidup. Setelah gue cari tau, jadi gue tuh kaya riset kecilkecilan gitu , gue nemu ternyata kondisi ini adalah bagian dari gejala krisis identitas. Wew. Ya cocok lah ya tadi kan gue bilang quarter life crisis, Teorinya ternyata krisis identias itu dicetuskan sama ahli psikoanalis dari Jerman, namanya Erik Erikson. Menurut bapak erik ini :

Kemunculan krisis identitas ini biasanya terjadi pas remaja, dimana mereka itu kaya apa ya bahasanya bergumul dengan perasaan identitas dan kebingungan peran. Tapi, dia juga bilang bahwa pembentukan dan pertumbuhan identitas bukan Cuma terbatas pada masa remaja aja. Tapi justru, dia bilang bahwa identitas adalah sesuatu yang bergeser dan tumbuh sepanjang hidup ketika orang menghadapi tantangan baru dan mengatasi berbagai pengalaman. Selain itu , krisis identitas ini juga muncul pas kita lagi menghadapi perubahan-perubahan besar gitu, kaya pas lagi kehilangan pekerjaan, memulai hubungan baru, kehilangan orang yg dicintai, pas lagi move on dari Sesuatu dan adanya kejadian trauma di masa lalu. Beliau percaya bahwa pembentukan identitas adalah salah satu bagian terpenting dalam kehidupan seseorang.

Ini gue ngutip dari verywellmind.com kya situs yg membahas tentang psikologi gitu lah ya. Kemudian, ada lagi peneliti yang mengembangkan teorinya pak erik tadi, namanya james Marcia, beliau bilang bahwa :

The balance between identity and confusion lies in making a commitment to an identity.

Intinya adalah saat kita sudah bisa berkomitmen dengan identitas yang kita sudah temukan, itulah titik keseimbangan antara identias dan kebingungan kita, jadi orang tuh cenderung udah ga bingung kalo udah bisa menemukan identitas dia dan dia komit dengan itu.

Berarti gue mencoba menarik garis besarnya, bahwa untuk menemukan identitas yg bisa mengajak kita ke titik kebahagiaan dan kenyamanan hidup itu, kita harus bisa menemukan jawaban dari pertanyaan-pertanyaan yg muter-muter itu tadi. gue juga nonton video di study.com yg ngebahas soal self identity theory and definition, disitu disebutkan bahwa :

Critical parts of understanding ourselves and defining our self-identity are questions such as 'Who am I?' and 'Why am I here?' or 'What is my purpose in life?' .

Berarti ini memang pertanyaan mendasar untuk menemukan identitas itu tadi ya.

Setelah gue mengalami masa itu dan gue juga inget curhatan beberapa orang terdekat gue soal jati diri itu tadi, gue menyimpulkan ada dua krisis identitas yang biasanya dialami sama gue dan mereka, yg menurut gue mungkin relate juga buat temen-temen yg seumuran gue yg lagi dengerin saat ini, pertama biasanya kebingungan soal pekerjaan atau passion dia saat ini tuh apa sebenernya yg bisa membuat dia bahagia dan enjoy ngejalaninnya, kemudian yg kedua itu, kebingungan akan dirinya sendiri sebagai manusia yg mengclaim punya kepercayaan dan agama, khususnya muslim ya, tapi justru bingung menghadapi kehidupan ini harus gimana dan banyak why nya gitu yg muncul di kepala, jadi kaya terombang-ambing, enggak punya tujuan hidup, kesana ayo, kesini ayo gitu ya. Dan gue pernah mengalami kondisi itu semua. Setelah gue bedah, cieelah, ternyata dua kondisi ini tuh saling berkaitan satu sama lain gitu. Coba kita urai ya.

Yg pertama, soal krisis jati diri akan pekerjaan dan passion kita.

Kita ini kan sekolah SD 6 tahun, mungkin sebelum SD yang pernah TK atau playgroup ya itu bagian dari sekolah yang pernah kita lalui ketika kecil, terus lulus SD ke SMP tiga taun, kemudian setelah SMP ke SMA atau SMK tiga tahun, after that, mungkin after lulus SMA/K ada yang langsung kerja atau kuliah selama 4 tahun yang S1 atau 3 tahun yang D3, mungkin abis itu masih ada lagi yang nerusin pendidikan sampe S2, S3, S4, S5, S6, S7, sampe seterusnya, but apapun itu ya namanya manusia mau dimanapun intinya enggak akan pernah berhenti belajar sebetulnya, even dia kuliah lagi atau enggak , Karena gue pribadi meyakini bahwa dimanapun gue berada, akan ada pelajaran yang bisa gue ambil dari sana.

Setelah lulus dari kuliah, ada orang yang bingung mau ngapain setelah lulus ya. Memilih untuk kerja , oke kerja kantoran, tapi yaudah kerja aja gitu, enggak ada jiwanya, enggak enjoy, Cuma sekedar kerja aja ,efeknya jadi kaya banyak mikir dan bingung sendiri, gue mau jadi apa sebetulnya. Banyak ya orang yang kaya begini, salah satunya gue pun pernah di posisi ini. Padahal dari kecil itu kan kita sering ya ditanya sama orang-orang dewasa disekitar kita, om kita misalnya tante kita, orang tua kita bahkan, udah gede mau jadi apa, yg klasik tuh biasanya dokter, polisi, pilot, astronot, dan sederet profesi lainnya. Seiring berjalannya waktu, gue merasa cita-cita gue berubah, pas smp , mau jadi ini, pas sma berubah lagi, pas kuliah juga berubah lagi, anyone feel the same with me? Tapi ada juga yang konsisten , dari kecil mau jadi dokter , yaudah dia mendekatkan dirinya dia dengan hal-hal yang berbau biologi dari SD sampe SMA , lalu dia berusaha masuk kuliah kedokteran lalu kesampean deh dia bisa jadi dokter. Citacita yang dia idamkan semasa kecil.

Tapi, ya ada juga sebagian yang masih bingung bahkan sampe lulus kuliah masih bingung. Sampe akhirnya , ada diantara kita yang ternyata merasa salah jurusan. Jadi kuliah 4 tahun di bidang tertentu, ternyata pas lulus justru lupa apa yang dipelajari selama 4 tahun itu dan gamau nih ngelebarin sayap di bidang itu. Akhirnya kita galau lagi, 1 2 3 tahun setelah lulus akhirnya diantara kita mulai masuk ke masa quarter life crisis. Kemudian kita mencoba mencari terus mencari, sebenerya yang kita mau apa sih.

Seakan - akan kaya kita jadi nanya ke diri kita sendiri :

Kenapa bisa gue akhirnya ngerjain ini?

Yang bakalan gue dapet apa dengan ngerjain ini?

Terus kalo gue ngerjain ini terus-terusan, akhirnya akan kemana gue? Naik level ga?

Kita kaya dihantui sama pertanyaan2 itu dan harus kita jawab. menurut gue untuk proses pencarian ini, ada dua cara yang bisa dipilih, yg pertama kita struggling untuk cari apapun resikonya kita berusaha kenali diri kita lebih dalam dan lebih jauh atau dengan cara mencoba menikmati yang ada. Kaya gue pernah baca sebuah nasehat yang mengatakan kalo kita belum juga menemukan apa yang kita suka, kenapa kita enggak coba sukai apa yang saat ini ada di hadapan kita. Karena bisa jadi apa yang sedang kita lakukan saat ini, justru yang membuat kita maju ke depannya. Ya itu soal pilihan sih ya. Tergantung kita mau dengan cara apa menemukannya.

Dalam proses menemukan itu juga pasti ada proses merenung, membaca situasi, bertanya kepada orang-orang terdekat kita, banyak emosi dan pergolakan batin yang kita lalui dalam masa pencarian itu. At the end of the journey, akhirnya kita menemukan apa yg kita mau sebenernya, dengan gitu kita akan rela melakukan apapun demi yang kita suka itu, bahkan rela secape apapun, sekecil apapun bayarannya, we will give best effort for this. Iya gak sih? Ya temen-temen boleh sepakat , boleh juga enggak, karena menurut gue bicara jati diri pun masih bisa dikaitkan dengan pembahasan di podcast gue yang pertama, soal cinta atau kecintaan kita terhadap sesuatu , Cuma bedanya kalo ini cinta kepada profesi atau suatu aktivitas yang kita banget lah ya. Kita jadi enjoy gitu kan jalaninnya, fun, pokoknya bahagia lah gitu ya apapun yang terjadi. Ibaratnya I’ll do it till I die no matter what happen weeeh. Karena kita sudah tau jawaban dari semua pertanyaan2 tadi, kenapa gue ngerjain ini, apa yg bakalan gue dapet dan mau kemana arahnya, kita udah tau dan paham.

Kalo kita coba runut, pola ini sama sebenernya dengan tahap pemecahan krisis jati diri yg kedua, yakni kita mengclaim sebagai manusia yg beragama dan berkeyakinan, tapi malah justru bingung sendiri dengan tujuan hidup dan menjalani kehidupan ini. Ya pasti sama sih ya, karena tahap menemukannya , berangkat dari pola pertanyaan yg sama. Cuma yg jadi masalah adalah enggak banyak manusia yg berusaha memecahkan pertanyaan mendasar tadi, yg kedengerannya kaya klise dan standar, seolah kaya gampang aja gitu jawabannya tapi kalo dipikirin mah, pasti lo bingung jawabnya. Dan ini titik permasalahannya kenapa kita sebagai muslim, justru bingung sendiri saat menjalani kehidupan.

Kalo tadi soal urusan , passion pun ada pertanyaan mendasar yg harus kita pecahkan. Soal ini pun ada pertanyaan pokok dan mendasar yang harus kita jawab untuk menemukan jati diri kita sebagai manusia yg non abadi ini. Gue baca di bukunya ust felix siauw yg judulnya beyond the inspiration,saat seseorang sudah merumuskan tujuan hidupnya, maka dia sudah punya way of life, yaitu cara pandang tertentu terhadap kehidupan. Kalau tujuan hidupnya salah, ya semuanya akan salah, kalau tujuan hidupnya benar , itu jadi modal manusia supaya hidupnya bisa tetap di jalur yg bener. Cuma yg jadi pertanyaan adalah, gimana cara merumuskan tujuan hidupnya itu. ust felix siauw juga menuliskan disana bahwa tujuan hidup manusia ditentukan oleh caranya dalam menjawab 3 pertanyaan besar dan mendasar :

Dari mana asal kita? Ini akan menjawab siapa kita sebenernya

Untuk apa kita diciptakan atau untuk apa manusia hidup? Ini akan menjawab apa yg harus kita lakukan di bumi yg gede bgt ini

Lalu setelah kita hidup, akan mati kan, nah setelah mati kita mau kemana? Ini akan menjawan apa tujuan hidup kita

Kita coba urai lagi ya satu-satu. Jawabannya simple-simple sebenernya, tapi substansinya yg ga simple menurut gue, kalo …. ya kalo kita sambil mikirin bgt-bgt jawabannya. Kenapa harus dipikirin? Jelaslah ya simplenya kita manusia kan ya, harusnya dalam menjalani kehidupan ini harus banyak mikirnya, karena potensi yg gede bgt yg enggak Allah kasih ke makhluk lain , kecuali ke kita itu adalah akal. That’s why we must think about it!. Karena jawaban-jawaban dari pertanyaan2 tadi itulah yg akan menghasilkan suatu pemikiran. Dibukunya ust felix siauw satu lagi yg pernah gue baca, judulnya how to master your habits, dia mengatakan bahwa pemikiranlah yg akan menentukan keyakinan, kecenderungan, tujuan hidup, cara hidup, pandangan hidup, sampai aktivitas kita pun jadi ikut.

Oke, jawaban untuk pertanyaan pertama jelas pasti jawabannya, bahwa kita berasal dari Allah Karena yang menciptakan kita adalah Allah.

kemudian pertanyaan kedua, kita diciptakan di dunia ini untuk apa , ya pasti untuk ibadah, karena Allah juga pernah berfirman dalam Qur’an surat Ad dzariyat ayat 56 yang artinya :

“Dan Aku tidak menciptakan jin dan manusia melainkan supaya mereka beribadah kepada-Ku.” (QS. Adz Dzariyat: 56)

Kemudian yg ketiha, akan kemana setelah hidup, kita akan mati pastinya, yg ujungnya adalah akan ke surga atau neraka.

Cuma apakah udah selesai sampai disitu kita memaknai semua pertanyaan dan jawaban diatas? sebagai muslim semua pertanyaan dan jawaban itu harusnya ngefek ke kehidupan kita di dunia. Contohnya kaya tadi pas kita nyari profesi apa yang paling kita sukai dan kita cita-citakan, saat kita tau bahwa kita suka profesi tersebut kita akan lakukan cara-cara yang relevan untuk meraih profesion goals kita tadi. Misalnya saat kita sudah tau dan memutuskan bahwa kita mau jadi dokter, ga mungkin kan belajarnya malah teknik elektro. Ga nyambung. Begitupun dengan jati diri manusia yang sebenar-benarnya. Saat kita tau akhir hidup kita ini akan ke surga atau neraka, ga mungkin kita hidup leha-leha Cuma ngikutin arus aja. Ga nyambung.

Coba kita bedah lebih jauh lagi ya.

Untuk pertanyaan yang pertama, kita semua muslim pasti udah tau bahwa setiap makhluk yang ada dimuka bumi termasuk kita itu asalnya dari Tuhan, yaitu Allah SWT. Dia yang menciptakan kita, melalui Rahim ibu , kemudian kita dilahirkan. Kemudian saat kita dilahirkan kita menjadi muslim, itu pun identitas kita sebagai muslim baru sekedar karena garis keturunan aja, karena orang tua kita memang muslim.

Untuk pertanyaan yang kedua, kita diciptakan dan hidup didunia ini untuk apa. Ini part yang kompleks dan akan menentukan kita termasuk muslim yang beriman atau enggak. banyak muslim yang belum menemukan jawaban yang seragam menurut gue. Kalo dilihat dari firman Allah tadi di surat ad dzariyat, ya gampang aja, jawabannya pasti seragam, kita diciptakan untuk beribadah kepada Allah. Cuma yang jadi persoalan, kemudian gimana caranya kita selama hidup yang kita lakukan itu bernilai ibadah dan ada pahalanya? berarti kita butuh petunjuk dong pasti kan. Allah sendiri sudah menurunkan Al Quran sebagai petunjuk manusia dalam menjalani kehidupannya, selain itu ada juga assunah, metode yang diajarkan Rasulullah dalam menjalani kehidupan di dunia. Tapi dengan dua sumber petunjuk tersebut apakah sudah semua muslim menjadikannya sebagai rujukan untuk menjalani kehidupan? Kalau melihat faktanya, menurut gue belum semuanya. Masih banyak yang apa ya istilahnya, sekuler gitu, menganggap bahwa kehidupan ini ya beda, enggak bisa kita sangkut pautkan dengan agama, gausah bawa-bawa Al Quran. Jadi dua sumber tersebut dianggap tidak relevan kalau dijadikan petunjuk manusia untuk ngejalanin hidupnya di bumi yg gede bgt ini. Masih banyak kan ya yg beranggapan kaya gitu. Ini yang gue maksud bahwa semua muslim belum menemukan jati dirinya dia.

Kemudian muncul pertanyaan lagi, tapi kan jati diri beda-beda?

Saat manusia memiliki citacita pribadi di dunia, memang beda ya menurut gue, ada yg mau jadi pilot, dokter, polisi, a b c d e f g dan sterusnya, macem-macem, karena jalur kita beda-beda nih mau bermanfaat di bidang apa kan gitu dan yg dipelajari pun akan beda gitu kan, kalo semuanya jadi dokter, siapa yg jadi polisi, kalo semuanya jadi polisi, siapa yg jadi suster, dan lainlainnya. Jadi saling melengkapi gitu. tapi saat manusia mengaku muslim, apapun cita-cita kita di dunia ini harusnya jawaban kita atas pertanyaan2 tersebut itu sama, karena itu pertanyaan yg sifatnya prinsip muslim bgt gitu, iya gak sih?

Harusnya perasaan kita dan pemikiran kita itu sama, karena kan sumbernya pun sama. Minimal saat adanya perdebatan ini dan itu, kita sepakat untuk mengembalikannya ke sumber petunjuknya. Sehingga saat menjalani semua aktivitas di kehidupan ini pertimbangan kita adalah apakah ini akan bernilai ibadah dan pahala di mata Allah atau enggak. Gitu kan ya konsepnya.

Nah, pertanyaan dan jawaban yang kedua ini saling berkaitan dengan dengan pertanyaan yang ketiga, akan kemana kita setelah mati?

Sebagai muslim, kita meyakini bahwa setelah kita mati akan ada masanya bahwa kita akan dibangkitkan kembali, untuk apa? Untuk melalui masa perhitungan amal, yg nantinya akan menentukan bahwa kita akan masuk ke surga atau neraka. Nah, mana ada sih orang yang mau ke neraka, engga ada dong, pasti semuanya mau ke surge, sebanyak apapun dosa kita. Dan Untuk menggapai surga tersebut bergantung pada amal kita , iya dong, berarti amal seperti apa yang akan membuat kita menuju ke surga? ya pasti amal yang sesuai dengan petunjuk atau tuntunan Allah dan Rasulnya , dan diridai oleh Allah juga. Nah berarti kita balik lagi ke pertanyaan kedua tadi, sudahkan kita menjalankan kehidupan ini sesuai dengan petunjuknya Allah? silahkan temen-temen jawab sendiri dan pasti jawabannya variatif, ini juga yang gue maksud bahwa kita manusia muslim belum bisa menjawab dengan seragam. Saat gue menanyakan lebih jauh ke lubuk hati gue yg paling dalam pun , jujur gue bingung. Apakah gue sudah sepenuhnya sesuai dengan petunjukNya atau belum? . Oke semua perbuatan tergantung dari niat, tapi kan niat juga enggak cukup, harus sesuai dengan tuntunannya. Ibarat kata kaya orang mau sedekah, niat nya baik nih, tapi hasil dari mencuri, kan ga sinkron.

Then, saat kita manusia sudah memahami bahwa kita diciptakan untuk apa, hidup didunia untuk apa, setelah mati akan kemana, kemudian kita tau guidance apa yang harus kita pake buat menjalani kehidupan di dunia ini. Kita sebagai manusia enggak akan kehilangan arah. Kita akan berusaha untuk menjalani kehidupan ini, dengan penuh kehati-hatian, karena kita tahu bahwa apapun yang kita kerjakan di dunia ini akan terecord dan akan ada perhitungannya, yang akan menentukan kehidupan kita selanjutnya setelah mati. Apapun ujiannya kita akan mati-matian untuk tetep berusaha supaya berada di jalanNya.

Sama hal nya kaya tadi , saat kita berusaha mencari jati diri kita dalam hal pekerjaan atau passion tadi, saat pas bgt kita udah tau dimana passion kita, apa yang kita banget itu tadi dan kita paham apa yang harus kita lakukan supaya kita bisa menuju passion kita tersebut, kita enggak akan tersesat dan terombang-ambing ikut arus doang, saat kita mau jadi dokter kita tau guidance apa yang harus kita pake dan pelajari, kita akan coba stay on the track bahkan kita akan mati-matian sekuat tenaga untuk meraihnya gitu kan. Apalagi kalo kita bicara jati diri kita sebagai manusia yang sesungguhnya, yaitu manusia yg sejatinya adalah sebagai seorang hamba, Hambanya Allah, yg lemah, yg butuh sandaran dan sering labil gitu kan.

Gue, elo, kita semua itu sama-sama hamba, sekuat apapun lo kenal gue atau sebaliknya, gue kenal lo yang kuat banget, kita tetep aja lemah. Hakikatnya seorang manusia, butuh tempat untuk menghamba. Dan ini penting menurut gue, kenapa, kalo kita engga punya tempat bersandar ini, ketika suatu saat apa yang mau kita raih didunia ternyata enggak sesuai harapan kita, kita akan kecewa berkepanjangan, karena kita Cuma melihat dari sisi kita aja sebagai manusia. Tapi saat kita punya tempat bersaandar, saat apapun yang kita harapkan di dunia ini enggak sesuai kenyataan, ya pasti akan kecewa sih, tapi kita paham bahwa kecewa berkepanjangan enggak akan ada gunanya, dan kacamata kita itu bukan hanya satu, tapi ada dua kacamata, kita punya kacamata Allah. Yang mana ada sebagian hal yang menurut kita baik, tapi belum tentu menurut Allah baik, ada yang menurut kita enggak baik, tapi menurut Allah itu baik.

Makanya kenapa saat kita mencari jati diri itu jangan tanggung-tanggung, cari sekaligus ke akar-akarnya. Kita ini sebenernya siapa sih. Biar jati diri yang kita temukan bukan hanya untuk tujuan dunia aja tapi juga mencakup tujuan akherat. Jadi kita tau cita-cita apa yang harus kita set dalam hidup kita, lalu gimana cara meraihnya supaya Allah rida dengan kita, Jadi insyaAllah dunia dapet, akherat juga dapet. Kemudian selain itu, saat ada persoalan apapun yg lagi ganggu banget nih di kehidupan kita, kita enggak bingung dan enggak akan hilang arah, kita jadi tahu harus kemana, yg ngasih permasalahan ini Allah, berarti Allah juga yg tau solusinya. Karena banyak kan ya kasus yg enggak diinginkan terjadi gitu karena merasa enggak tau lagi harus kemana saat ada masalah, gitu.

Ini yg gue bilang tadi , bahwa krisis identitas pertama dan kedua saling berkaitan. beriringan kan jalannya dan saling melengkapi.

So, I think that’s all, begitu kirakira pandangan gue soal jati diri. Oke gue tegaskan , bukan maksud gue untuk menggurui, karena gue sadar bgt bahwa pun sejatinya gue lagi ngomong didepan cermin, ini reminder buat diri gue juga yg masih sering error dan butuh masukan. Biar kita bisa sama-sama belajar, tumbuh dan berkembang.

Semoga temen-temen yg sudah menemukan jati dirinya, tetep bisa terus berkomitmen dengan jati dirinya, karena gue ngutip lagi dari verywellmind.com bahwa :

Para peneliti telah menemukan bahwa mereka yang telah membuat komitmen kuat terhadap identitasnya cenderung lebih bahagia dan sehat daripada mereka yang tidak.

Semoga bisa stay on the track, keep improving yourself, terus menebar manfaat buat masyarakat luas karena kan ada hadits riwayat Ahmad, yg mengatakan bahwa sebaik-baiknya manusia adalah dia yg paling bermanfaat kan ya and never stop learning yg pasti.

Dan buat yang merasa belum menemukan, yuk cari ke akar-akarnya, enggak ada salahnya kok menurut gue mikir secara deep gitu tentang jati diri kita for better life future instead of tetep ikut arus tapi salah jalan, tapi tetep diimbangi dengan doa yg penting supaya bisa lebih seimbang, ga depresi ujungnya.

Hi, prefer to listen? Go ahead! : Mendengar Tulisan

#jatidiri #SelfIdentityCrisis

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captainburgeeer · 5 years ago

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As I was looking at the moon, I think of you. And I always do.

“So closed, yet so far”. Last week before my birthday I saw you while you are waiting for a ride going home. I stare at you, you’re smiling while u are holding your phone. Maybe she gave you the happiness that you can’t find in me.

What a journey it has been between us two. I guess when someone ask me what’s the best and also the counter part of it of my college life, it’s always been you. Yes you. They said life happens unexpectedly like our love story way back 2016. Yes, for the record the moment I laid my eyes on you on our first day of class sy 2016 3rd trimester section A26, I had a crush on you. You seemed cute, and bold. Everyone knows that I’m not that kind of millenial-who-has-a-lot-of-crush in the campus because the hell I care with the guys they all annoying anyway( hehe). But it end there, because it was pure crush nothing really that butterflies in my stomach feeling. In one of our subject, business communication with ms. toni, we are assigned to introduce ourselves as mandatory rule in every day 1 of class, mention the name, age and address and one word to describe yourself. You mentioned your name, and also the address, and your major admiration of Ed sheeran. At that point, for me that’s a great connection between us that we both love Ed Sheeran, then I saw in your id lace the album cover of multiply. Shet the world is in favor of us.:) I also heard that were both living in muzon taytay, wew strike 2 huh! What the weird thing is, marj (my college bestie) had a crush on you too. Agh we have the same type unfortunately. Fast forward (lol). In our philo subj with ms. asuncion, i am the assigned secretary and I am the one who’s in charge of index card. I got to sneak out your index card and even know your address and phone number but of course I didn’t text you (duh I am not that cheap). You’re the first reporter of the class, u seem talk a lot but it has content plus ur smile is so cute...agh how to be near with you that time hahachar. For the record,I have the copy of your index card and your 1x1 pic. Time pass by and I even make sungit to you, ure that kind of friendly and lapitin ng girls....Almost 1/4 of our class had a crush on you. I wonder it’s because of your personality. On thing also I remember, you always make papansin to me hahaha, you even said uy ano twitter mo follow moko mamaya ha mentioning his username. Ur that kind of mayabang. But also I make papasin din to you, I always make joke hahahahaha. One time our prof scolded us for being too noisy. Everyday I have the struggle to think another corny jokes for you jusko kinareer ko na pagiging corny para sa crush ko. Wait tagaluhin ko na para mas cute. Hehehehe. I bet pinakafave mong joke is, “ano ang pinakasikat na isda?” Ah tinapa kase nasa dyaryo saka yung “ano shoe capital ng pilipinas?” Edi shaw blvd. hay those days. BTW (habang sinusulat ko to, i was playing demonyo by jk labajo because that’s what u are) hindi naman sa demonyo na iniwan moko hahaha pero ur bad evil pero ur amazing inside. I knew that kaya sa una palang I know may something deep in your heart na you are a good person.

Oct 2016

Merong gc yung block natin which is sobrang solid na until now buhay padin and for the record yung block na yon ang pinakafave nating lahat sa college life. It was soooo fun. We had a group activity with mam toni sa bcomm fashion show yon and luckily magkagroup tayo. Naks sumasang ayon yung universe hahaha. Then chit chatting in our gc kase we have practice kinabukasan,bigla moko minention. Sabi ko na eh crush moko hahaha. “Aryan sabay tayo bukas ha” 7am agahan mo wait kita sa may kanto ha ayoko na pinag aantay ako”. Alam mo ur so presko hahaha. Then I said okay pero that time kilig na kilig ako bat ba lol. Ayon nga that day diko alam bat ang aga ko magising then di ko alam kung pano kita iinform na ready na ako then bigla kita chinat hoy cruz tara na, sasabay kapaba and inasar pako na di daw ako naligo :((( haha grabe talaga tong haup na to sabi ko. Then yung whole byahe namin is puro kwentuhan at kagaguhan, na first time namin nag usap na ganon at feel ko 100yrs na kaming tropa. I see the real connection there. AH IBA TO.

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nocleansocks · 5 years ago

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Zephyr: 1. Yuri: 10, 65. Lumi: 16, 73. Hush: 7. =)

Ahahaha everyone gets a slice of this ask meme life1. If [Zephyr] wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

I actually already had an answer for this one that was a big influence in a level-up decision! It’s been really fun watching Zephyr grow, even in an adventure league atmosphere where there isn’t much consistency or roleplay. Nonetheless, him dying and coming back (understandably) impacted him pretty hard, but for the positive! He made an almost paladin-like decision to fight and understand undead while ensuring common-folk and other adventurers wouldn’t meet an untimely death. With that being said, he can’t save everyone in the world himself, so one of his biggest character traits that’s developed in these higher-tier levels is that he’d 100% be a mentor or teacher! He took the magic initiate feat for the sole purpose of getting guidance, not as a mechanical benefit, but because he doesn’t want to see other people fail. Be it training them in battle or offering (ultimately confusing) advice, he would be a guiding force in others’ lives.

10. If [Yuri] had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

Tool-wise, I’d say Yuri’s strengths definitely lie in cooking and brewing, she even actually has calligrapher’s proficiency! In terms of something new to pick up, I could absolutely see her being interested in pottery. If she were to pick it up, it would be in secret. Sneaking off to train, practicing in a simple kiln somewhere downtown Stormhelm. Then, when she feels she’s good enough at it, she’d convince Lumi to gather her favorite flowers or plants “in whatever way you gardener’s do. I don’t know, can you just bring a plant inside? If you can, you should do that tomorrow.” Then, next thing you know, surprise! All of Lumi’s favorite plants have a new home in the windowsills in handmade pottery!

65. What is [Yuri]’s favorite food? Beverage?

She’s definitely a meat girl, preferring steaks and the like when possible! She by no means wants any part of the, er... “collection” process, she’s seen Lumi as an animal too often, but she knows who’s the most humane to buy from and she certainly knows how to cook all! Drink wise, she likes just about anything. Probably drinks more water than she needs to, but you can never bee too safe! Oh, but, man, she can make the best comfort drink out of warm milk, honey, cinnamon, and just a small pinch of tea leaves...

16. If [Lumi] wasn’t [a druid], what would they be instead?

I actually think she’d be a cleric, not necessarily for any capacity as a healer, but mainly because it’s another one of the wisdom-based classes. Specifically, she’d be in the nature domain, which feels like druid to a certain extent anyway, but it’s the second best way I see for her to stay connected with animals. I thought about sending her down the ranger path for the sake of this question, letting her get conjure animals and such, but I think the utility of nature cleric fits her much better. The channel divinity is a charm effect on animals and plants, and if that doesn't’ scream Lumi, I’m not sure what does.

73. If [Lumi] knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life?

Wew, that’s a question, isn’t it. As much of a cliche as it’s walking into, I think she wouldn’t tell Yuri for the first week or two. She’d care less about easing the process for herself or knocking out any sort of bucket list, but she’d spend the month making sure Yuri is prepared and taken care of. In her ideal world, she’d convince Yuri to take a month to travel, be it coast to coast, up to the mountains, or even hop over to a different continent real quick. What’s the point of committing to these druidic powers if you’re not gonna put ‘em to use, right? Once Yuri’s convinced and they’re on the road, that’s when she’d tell her, then she’d insist on them enjoying the rest of their trip. She’d make sure Yuri was home before the month was up and that all their business was in order and that Yuri had the support she needed, mainly emotionally. That’d be her dream plan, but if the month pans out that they stay right where they are and keep providing a safe haven for others, then hey, that’s a great set-up too.

7. Describe [Hush]’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

Hohoho wouldn’t YOU like to know! There’s a lot I could say about how he looks right now (Is he bloodied and bruised in a dungeon somewhere? Sitting high up on a throne of dead bodies, sipping wine?) so let’s instead focus on how his appearance has changed since living in Stormhelm. Obviously his scars haven’t healed, thos are basically with him forever. they’re pretty much all on the back of hands, fingers, a few on his palms. He probably wears a lot more hand wrapping now. Traveling the road, he actually looks a little less colorful. Not the Belprin khaki’s-whites-and-grays look, but that Indiana Jones-esque adventuring professor look. His accent is less so on accessories and more so hat-focused now! Sun hats, wide brims, fashion hats of every sorts. (Does he just throw em away after wearing them? How does he travel with so many? Who knows it’s fantasy).

Nope, now that I think about it, I lied. He still has accessories. They’re just more mundane. Like glasses that he totally doesn’t need. Necklaces. He’s still rocking the low-cut Vs and poofy sleeves of course. Oh no is he turning hipster

#long post #ask meme #soc

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herthoughtsonasite-blog · 6 years ago

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To Ian, From Lor

Holiday notes: Promise after one year you’ll finish reading. It’s long ah, so careful but enjoy 😉 Try to read it in your laptop too coz the font is really nice!

First of all, I can't believe we've known each other for over a year now and I only learned from days ago that you wrote a blog about me! I couldn't believe it still but what better way to express my reaction to that than to make one blog entry to you?! I don't know what I'm doing! Go figure! Crazy right? BUT WHO WRITES A BLOG ABOUT ME? THATS CRAZIER! GAH I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FEEL SO HERE'S MY RAW BUT AUTHENTIC THOUGHTS LOL (I will not stop typing till I think I've said enough and I will only proof read it once. Or not. Whatever! HAHA (I will be formal now)

Here it goes:

If you want to confirm if it really is you that I'm writing about, I am posting one blog entry of yours at the end of this one that hit me right to the core, amongst many others... BUT DO NOT SKIP. I beg you not. Please, read all the way through, bud.

You met me at a time where I was no where with or without. An instant click - and although you would have wanted to take it much further, you have earned your right to know me better from then on, when you respected my choice of turning the year or two or more - to be a time for just me. You probably think I did not mean it to this extent, but here I am anyway.

It touches my heart when I realize how platonic this relationship has become, how you could always be just a message away and that even if we don't talk for a very, verrry long time, a single message that I send never becomes unnoticed, whether it be a political injustice whose nitty gritty details I hope to understand, to the simplest "vent" as to how I feel so incomplete when I cannot go to my homebox.

And for you to respond instantly at literally any time of the day except when you're doing your recits, is amazing. HOW? Also, when you check on me randomly, without a hidden motive, know that I appreciate that, even if sometimes, it takes days for me to reply :( I'm sorry. You know what’s up.

And yes, okay... there's no need to apologize... I just want to say thank you, bud, for not "insisting yourself" on days I don't feel like myself... For supporting me to handle me.

We pride ourselves in our "busy" lives and I like that we enjoy how preoccupied we think we are. Or so I think... There's always stories to tell each other about. Experiences - that fill me in such a way that I’ve never been before, because this time, I am only pursuing myself, invested in what time I have, unsubmissive and independent of anyone else. And to me, that's something worth remembering. Who knows if I’ll ever feel this way again?

There is not a lot of people I come across who is in that pursuit, especially not our age- (range) (yes you oldie haha), certainly not everyone who says they are, can commit to such a bold choice. Most people wants somebody, but do they want themselves enough? Do people take the time to fall inlove with themselves first? Anyone can say you can do those while being with someone, but it’s really different. I’ve felt the difference. We all just want to be loved wholly at the end of the day, and it really starts with ourselves, and for me, that takes time. Imagine, for the rest of your life you will be spending it with someone eventually. When are you gonna have a time like this ever again?

“Single by choice”, is powerful.

Ian, it is my new found admiration in people to see them accomplished, and humbled by the heartbreaks of this life. To me, you reached the prime of your maturity when you decided to take a step back, rediscover yourself first and invest in your becoming, after you and your “TOTGA” was no longer. I still remember crying just listening to you talk about her, like she was everything you saw your whole life through. I felt that. It was very pure, and it was very brave of you to say the truth with peace reigning in your heart. You smiled and then you shed a tear I knew came from the very depths of your heart. Knowing you, you could have easily jumped into a new relationship any second, getting who was available to catch you in that moment. But you’re much better than most, setting her and yourself free, was much more appealing. Dun talaga ako bilib sayo. I think if not for your wisdom that night, I could have said yes, to Bianca right away. Or maybe DJ? Diba October lang yun? They were something too diba?

Anyway.

There is a pure bliss in the reality that we both have different social circles, age range (this is the last time I will mention that haha), and come from different places. Bahay mo lang ang Siargao ah. There is something to be told in difference and diversity, it is so complementary, it has been a breathe of fresh air...

Of course, after hearing about your past, it’s good to see how great you turned out to be. You taught me to give myself some time for deep "self actualization", a time I realized that would take more than I had hoped, to realize and admit my shortcomings (which are a lot), to embrace every emotion that would come of it, to forgive myself though difficult, and to forgive those who hurt us too, because it is time to face an entirely new book. This was a lot for me to ingest at a time, but you know very well that I'm still trying.

You taught me not to scorn my past, and to cope better day by day. No matter how many relapses occurs. You are among the people whose sentiments I most value at a time I felt betrayed and lost. I would have coped very poorly, but the universe was kind to me. Healing after all, as you said ... "is not linear."

Acknowledging hurt was one. How the good times flutter in your head like they they’ve only happened yesterday. How you can feel everything all at once, how you can remember without pause all details your fickle mind can carry. In the quiet moments of the day and night when when your heart begs to feel a certain way again. I struggle to remind myself I am only human and this is very normal.

You helped me see that love is not really definite. That it comes in many forms. That I was capable of acceptance, forgiveness, and gratitude. No matter what happened. “Love only transforms and transcends, it can never be destroyed”, said our Buddhist friend. Love is wishing them well, regardless of how painful the circumstances have become. Love is rightfully praying for happiness, and especially for those who hurt us. Love was being stronger and wiser, but never bitter or angry. (I still surprise myself at how calm I have become) Love is setting free. Love is loving myself, until I’m ready to love another again.

Pause. WEW. Misty eyes.

I’m back. Sniff.

I learned about the thrill to open oneself to the world immeasurably again, to slow down, and discover my pace, and to know that the world is full of endless possibilities, and life will unfold irrevocably. There is no need to rush into something that requires you to expend yourself exclusively to another.

I remember the first time you said you saw "growth" in me when individuals (you all did not want to hear about, but listened anyway) either came back, showed interest in me, and I too, in them, but somehow, I made the conscious choice not to act on my emotions. There it was. A new me (?)

You knew my losses and my gains, and the very fact that I'm barely back at my feet, but still, there you are.

You constantly tell me that you learn a lot from me, I would just say the same about you, but actually more. So thank you, your existence has been unimaginably nurturing to me and it has been that way because of the dynamics we mutually made it to be.

There’s no way I can call you anything in particular. Anything would be an overstatement or understatement, and this is not to flatter you, but to be simply honest. Friend? Soulmate? I'm not sure.

In just a year, you started a new journey and I did mine too. I did not expect for me to give such a damn about someone else's life at such a selfish time in my life.

However, you've remained good to me, Ian. I love hearing about your breakthroughs and staying by your side during your breakdowns. You on the other hand, have not once taken advantage of my vulnerability, my break downs and even to the time when I could not shed a tear anymore. When I was "washed out". “Finally natuyo na yang luha mo.”

Between rekindling my old relationships with old friends and family, turning strangers into important people in my life and just sparking new friendships here and there, I have learned that making valuable connections is not necessarily rare for me to do.

I wish I could say ours was an exception, but you know exceptions are hard for me to make now. Just live and flow, right? No more flowery majingy. But somehow... I fall in love with people and life all the time more now. No preference, no counsel. Just natural appreciation for everything and everyone around.

My only regret in my past was not taking down note about the time I made the conscious choice to submit solely to one. My, what an adventure would that have been, to see that version of myself in this new found perspective that I have now. I think only one person can attest about me at that time, and...well

You helped me unravel pieces of me I did not know I am. Many things I would not have known if not for my circumstance.

It is a trying time to be present when the mind pulls and pushes me between dimensions. So here I am not wishing you were here, but just thankful for who you are. It's crazy how certain conversations is enough for me to feel. Fuck my mind instead, right? Physical stimulation is so easy. Kidding. Let's talk about that next time, yes?

I wish whatever foretolds my future, be it my success, challenges, wedding, nunhood, or death, you will be there to speak. To speak of me and remind me of this version of myself because who knows what I will be like then?

WHO KNOWS HOW I WILL LOVE WHEN I WILL BE WHOLE AGAIN?

“Dear Future Lover, From Self Loving Phase” should that be my next post? Kidding.

And who knows what you will turn out to be? Who knows.

I know you found love within you, iba talaga. Si Popoy nga 2 years. Ako kaya? Jokes. I hope when you are ready to love again, they are as ready as you are and you are both deserving of each other. Or who knows? You and her will meet again and by then you’re better for each other? Like the How’s of Us. Or. Who knows talaga. Bahala na si Batman.

Ok I think I’m done, I have a class pa.

HAPPY TUESDAY, BUANG!!!

As promised, my personal favorite from your blog: (I’m not assuming, but you really put a picture of me so maybe it’s me noh?) :https://dontholdbacksite.wordpress.com/2017/12/10/i-felt-love-im-sure-i-did/

P.S

Your blog is among the best reads I’ve had in so long. It’s like having a glimpse of me at a time where I didn’t recognize myself at all.

Thank you for writing about me. https://dontholdbacksite.wordpress.com/2018/02/16/to-my-baby/

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daraparker · 6 years ago

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“How was it?”, they asked.

2 weeks in Cambodia.

It’s been a few years since my last mission trip. This time, there was so much more time for reflection; thinking about how much God has been revealing and teaching me about who He is and who I am in Him. Through these 2 weeks, I’ve seen how much I’ve grown over the past few years, especially during the last 8 months (why is it always when we’re at our lowest that we learn the most). Becoming so much more aware of my weaknesses as I dig deeper into my soul, with the Spirit tugging at my heartstrings.

Aside from the very personal things that God has revealed to me, I think the main takeaway from these 2 weeks was to have a glimpse of what a life of a missionary looks like. So the initial purpose of my trip there was to share some knowledge on child psychology with the teachers and youth leaders. However, due to circumstances, I didn’t get to conduct the training. Instead, I went down to the school almost every day to teach English and spent the rest of my time in fellowship with Ps Annie, Chanthu, the youth leaders, and the students. In the first week, things were extremely slow and I remember that I felt pretty useless and ineffective in my stay there. But at that moment, God spoke. Even though the initial plan didn’t play out, He reminded me to be faithful in the little things. Despite the little value or significance it seems to hold, He told me to trust that the conversations and actions that I showed would ultimately bring glory to Him. Of course, I wish I could do more for the ministry there, but due to certain limitations, God taught me to be adaptable to the situation there and reminded me to live each day for His purpose and glory. With the free time I had, there was a lot more opportunity to spend time in prayer, interceding for the ministry and people there. So thank God for that!

Moreover, through the conversations with Ps Annie and the leaders, my eyes were opened to see and have a better understanding of how a ministry runs, the difficulties faced, and the needs of the ministry and people there. And I know that these insights are to prepare me for the future when I step foot into the mission field. One thing that God showed me so clearly was the importance of companionship. I realised that so much of the limitations stemmed from the lack of a companion/community. If there was a stronger community or even just having a companion to run this ministry together, I believe that so much more could be done - firstly, in the personal life of the missionary and when one has learnt to be a better version of who God has created him or her to be, it’ll bring growth to the ministry as well. More importantly, I think the idea of a companion is to walk through the journey of life together; with encouragements and rebukes on one's strengths and weaknesses. By the way, my definition of a companion here is not specifically referring to a husband or wife but also includes a ministry partner. Even Paul had ministry partners as he went on his missions. So friends, please don’t ever isolate yourself from people. I think there’s a lot more beauty and joy in mankind than it seems to be. P.S. Am looking forward to doing missions with my future partner. Just imagining how much joy there would be having someone to share the brightest and dullest days with. Having someone to lovingly scold me for my weaknesses just because he wants me to be a better version of myself. (side note - I realised that I’ve become a lot more hopeful and dreamy these days). WEW.

That aside, it seemed like one of the reasons that the Cambodians are hesitant in believing God is because the so-called Christians around are not displaying what true Christian living is. But I believe that with genuine fellowship and discipleship in the church, the Christians will grow in the ways of the Lord and others will be able to see the love and goodness of God through their lives.

So here goes my prayer for Cambodia:

Dear God,

Thank You for this nation, Cambodia. Thank You for Your mercy and grace over Your people. Thank You for the missionaries that You’ve sent to reach out to the Cambodians. God, I pray for an outpouring of Your Spirit in the lives of the Cambodians. May every seed that has been sown continue to grow through the watering of Your word. As these seeds take root on good soil, may Your word continue to grow in their hearts, that they may produce kingdom fruits. God, I pray that every Christian in this nation will live their life as an worship unto You. May they learn to live in accord with the Holy Spirit; bearing the fruit of the Spirit, that others may see You through them. Even as the harvest is plentiful, may You send more labourers here to plant more seeds in this nation. Bless this nation Lord, that many more will hear of Your great love for each and every one of them and come to acknowledge You as their Lord and Saviour.

“I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Saviour, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.”

1 Timothy 2:1-4

In Jesus’ mighty Name, Amen.

20/8/18 @ Takeo Province

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esmiblood90irisglimmer · 7 years ago

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Congratulations (Lauren's Version Part 2)

Elizabeth, you haven’t even met sacrifice!!” Laurens shouted

Eliza backed away from the Southern Carolinian man once seeing the pure rage and anger in his emerald eyes. It brought the young wife into an uncomfortable position but no one could blame Laurens for being furious at Eliza. After she humiliated and broke the heart of American memorial former war heroes. Many people mocked him or even pity once Eliza reveals the affair for the whole city to read. Even Angelica was in complete shock that her own younger sister would do such a poisonous act. Lafayette even took the risk of returning back to America after hearing the notorious news. You could say that Lafayette didn’t hold back given Eliza a slap in the face. Normally everyone in the city would’ve scolded the French man for slapping a woman in public but they didn’t. Alexander is the victim of this shameful act that Eliza has caused upon the Hamilton family.

Burr and Hercules didn’t bother to look Eliza in the eyes anyone but they did, their eyes felt with pure hatred. A pure hatred that could drag anyone into the pit of hell itself. Both men wouldn’t say a word to her when visiting Alexander at Mrs. Washington place in Virgina.

Back into reality, Lauren looked at the golden ring he despite every day but not his daughter. His beloved daughter wanted to come on his journey to New York knowingly the consequence would a divorce from his wife. But he could care less since he never loved his wife since it was an arranged marriage from the start anyway. Though none of those things matter right now, Laurens took his back on Eliza for a moment.

I languish a loveless marriage in South Carolina

I lived only to read his letters

I looked at him and think

“God, what’ve we done in our lives? And what did it get us?”

That doesn’t wipe the tears or years away

But I’m back in the city and here to stay

And you know why I’m here to do

Eliza reaches up to touch Lauren gently onto the cheek very gently in loving but also motherly manner.

“Laurens..” She whispers

“I’m not here for you” Laurens growled

I know my friend like I know my mind

You will NEVER find anyone reckless nor as kind

And a million years ago he told me:

“She’s the one”

So I stood by:

Do you know WHY?

I loved Alexander more anything in life

I would’ve chosen HIS happiness over MINE

Every time!

Alexander!!!

“Alexander” Eliza whispers her husband name that was streaming down her cheeks regretting the affair also regretting exposing it for the entire city to witness.

Is the best man in our lives!

So you never forget the fact

That you been blessed with the Best HUSBAND!

Congratulations!

For the rest of your lives!

Every sacrifice you make for my Alexander

Give him the BEST LIFE!!

Laurens slams the door harshly in front of Eliza's face before hopping into the carriage where his daughter awaits for him. Their continue their journey once again as they headed to Virgina where Alexander and the children were at with Martha Washington.

“Congratulations” Laurens hissed

WEW!!! FINALLY, FINISH!!!

As I said before in chapter 1, the deleted song of Congraluations from Hamilton doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to the awesome LIn Miranda Manuel!!! Hope you love this fanfic!! Bye bye!!

Click Here: To read Ch 1

Ch 1/ Ch 2

#congratulations #hamliza #lams #angst #hamilton #hamiltrash #hamilsquad #alexander hamilton #john laurens #elizabeth hamilton #heartbreak #affair #love

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kallie-den · 7 years ago

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How did you come to decide that you were tans, and how ha the support of other people helped you to cope?

Wew, going in deep already.

Well, pretty much since about 10 or 11 I had vague feelings of wishing I’d been born a girl. But at that stage, I didn’t even consider that I was trans. I just thought I had some weird feelings. They kept getting stronger, though. Whenever I thought about how I wanted to look or what kind of body I wanted, it was always a feminine appearence, a feminine body. It started to become a real issue for me - I basically hated being in any situation where other people saw me as aboy, which was all social situations. When I started to learn about trans people, I found I was actually really jealous of them (lol). I didn’t believe I was trans, but I wished I was. There wasn’t really any huge breaking point. I just had this realisation, about a year ago, that I’d had these feelings as long as I could remember. They weren’t going anywhere, so maybe I should do something about them. So, I finally acknowledged I was trans, after years of denial. Pretty ridiculous denial, too. Embrassing fact: I once bought multi-vitamins for menopausal cis women because they contained estrogenic ingredients and I wanted what that would do to my body. But even then, I didn’t consider myself trans. Fucking hell I was such an egg.

The support of other people was massively important. Mostly, people online - on twitter and tumblr. A lot of trans people on social media sometimes post things like “You can be a girl, if you want to be.” Getting that idea hammered into my head over and over again was a big deal for me. Because of how it’s portrayed in the media, I thought anyone who was trans must have had this big epiphany, like being handed down a “Hey, you’re trans” scroll from God or something. Hearing about trans people with stories more like mine (years of denial, slow journey to acceptance, not having genital dysphoria, having feminization fetishes etc.) let me see myself as trans. It saved me. Also, learning about self-medding. In my country (UK) getting HRT is a slow and arduous process and this makes being trans very scary indeed. Self-medding hormones has downsides but for me personally it has been a lifesaver.

This is now rambly as fuck but whatever, hopefully you got what you wanted

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lsgingasblog · 7 years ago

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Of Happy Coincidences and Fated Connections Chapter 1

Wew it’s been ages since I’ve written fanfiction. This will probably suck but here I go.

I’m late because uni kills me sort of in any case I wanted to do something different so here’s day 1-7 prompts scattered throughout acts or chapters of this connected work.

This work will be separated in 7 acts and I decided to add in Diana’s mother and other moments as well, personally I’m not that great in depicting romantic moments, but I do like character introspections and studies so this work will have a bit of that as well as adding elements that while not cannon, they don’t break the cannon either because I believe the lack of specification of stuff in lwa world still allows for a lot more.

In any case I’m supposed to be done posting all the acts by Sunday at latest, because weekend will give me more time to finish up the remaining acts.

Act 2-5 is finished, but still need act 6 & 7 and to think I finished most of that last weekend but school kills me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Act 1

“There, There Diana, no more crying my little angel” Bernadette soothes Diana while caressing her hair.

Diana buries herself more into her mother’s neck as her body gently shakes from the barely contained crying session.

This continues a bit longer until little Diana’s sobs finally calms down, the soothing finally having worked.

Diana lifts her head from her mother’s neck and hair and looks at her mother with tear stained eyes and her voice comes out uneven “I’m s-sorry m-mother…….I’m sorry….” And she was just about to start crying again when her mother kisses her on her forehead and gives her a big hug while speaking words of comfort

“Diana…..darling….you are amazing and I am very proud of you”

Diana start shaking her head in disagreement, but stays quiet clinging on to her mom.

“Don’t worry about it my little angel, you will get your magic back and even if you don’t I will never love you any less, please know that” Bernadette announced while kissing atop Diana’s head.

Diana once again looks at her mom and is much more composed although her poofy red eyes tell the tale of how long she has cried.

“Mother, b-but I’m a Cavendish, I need to get my magic back….or else…”Diana pauses and closes her tiny fists a little tighter on her mother’s shirt.

“or else nothing darling remember more than anything our family motto is affection and that’s regardless if someone has magic or not. On top of that we even have ancestors who were not magically inclined that went off to be amazing individuals, look at Andrew’s father”

Diana shifts away from her mom and gets a scowl on her face “Andrew is insufferable!”

“Diana……be nicer darling…” Bernadette chastises but Diana is determined to continue her point

“B-but I don’t want to be like them I love magic and I want to believe in being able to get my magic, because I don’t like how Andrew and his family views magic, I want the world to feel how lovely magic is! Like the kind that Chariot show made me feel…”

“My little angel has big dreams, doesn’t she?” and the mother reaches over to give her stubborn daughter a big hug and she remembers something when Diana mentioned Chariot’s show and proceeds to let go of Diana for a bit and to grab a book in her night drawer.

“Mother, what’s that?” Diana asks having an inquisitive look on her face.

So Bernadette tells Diana of the book she bought some days back at a store, she wanted to give Diana it, but she was worried about Diana’s deflated nature after not being able to perform magic, but hearing Diana’s concession of Chariot’s show being part of her inspiration for continuing to try to get her magic back, Bernadette thought it was fitting to introduce the story book that Chariot has a hand in writing and considering nothing is heard of chariot anymore, she wanted to cheer Diana up.

The picture book is actually as can be expected tales told through the zodiac signs and the constellations about life, ambition, striving for your dream, motivation, fate, romance and bunch of other stuff told in a lighthearted tone with cute art that can appeal to kids.

Diana had a twinkle in her eyes and so they began reading it together.

The introduction is very vibrant and colorful with an image of the 12 zodiac sign all separated in groups, 4 groups in specific. Air, Water, Earth & Fire.

In the top half of the left page of the book we had the Air Group that had the Gemini, Libra & Aquarius and you can see them animatedly talking with each other and cracking jokes with what appears to be social gathering.

On the bottom half of the left page we had the Fire Group that had the Aries, Leo & Sagittarius. They were in a heated race through rocky terrain and neither of them were backing down.

On the top half of the right page we had the Earth Group that had Taurus, Virgo & Capricorn. They were all in a study group occasionally commenting and helping each other.

Lastly on the bottom half of the right page we had the Water group that had Scorpio, Cancer & Pisces who were all staring at the starry sky lying next to each other on top of blankets and pointing at the night sky.

As we turn the page we get blue/black background with various flecks of stars in the sky and we get the first story.

Swimming against the Gigantic Stream of Life to find Your Place

There was once a tiny red fish that wanted to bring joy and happiness to all the sea creatures and possibly even land creatures out there so it learned how to do magnificent jumps and tricks and even learned the art of bubble making alongside becoming very resourceful with his fins, however the fish community thought it was unnatural. Fish are after all supposed to be in groups and be about community, individuality is not something strongly supported. Apart from that a red fish at best will only be considered as food and wouldn’t be taken seriously by the other sea creatures.

However Charon, our little fish was ready to prove the world wrong because despite being called a hopeless dreamer he deeply wants that everyone feels free and happy.

While his previous attempts have not gone the way he wanted them to he believes there has been a huge improvement and he recently caught the attention of Cetus, a renowned talent agent Whale.

And so his shows have gotten more traction and he will be at the biggest platform yet............

…….Through ups and downs and setbacks Charon has found the drive needed to search for his own place in this world and while his journey might’ve been long and arduous he has reached it because he worked for it and when he got sad or was close to giving up he would find something in his path that helps him along, for example the comforting words of Detty the crab or Delphy the wise Dolphin or even the Columba the Dove, each with them brought their own advice and support that helped pull out the inner fortitude that Charon possessed.

Life is made of pebbles or rocks even that hinder to flow of your river, but how you decide to overcome and surpass such an obstacle is where you really find yourself and the greatest strength hidden inside you……

“Mother……can we read the next one?” Diana asks with immense joy, while her face still held signs of having had a sad spell it isn’t quite as obvious as before and Diana’s gentle yet unabashed smile makes Bernadette very much happy.

“Of course dear” she passes her hand through Diana’s hair and shifts her to sit on her lap with Diana leaning against her chest and Diana re-positions the book and starts on the 2nd story.

“The Scales of dreams and reality” Diana spoke the title of the 2nd story.

Chris the libra isn’t very happy with the current situation. His kind have long been used as a means to find solace and comfort or to try to strive for their own balance. They take advantage of gnawing insecurity of the community and here we have the likes of Charon traveling in his mobile water tank stage eager to spread the way of love and peace to this world to counteract the bad.

Chris was supposed to be the most important high libra commissioner and work on the perfect way to enhance happiness and contentment for all and to think a side show accomplished it is an utter joke, Chris swears that everyone is delusional or something, but he can’t deny his curiosity has been peaked so he decides to finally properly see Charon’s show and perhaps maybe get an idea what the commotion and is all about……….

………Chris had tears coming from each side scale of his. How he could have been so foolish? He had a vision of what he wanted as if that is his dream that is entitled to him and no one else and he didn’t consider the work that had to be put in for that to actually achieve it, but having met Charon and gradually become friends with him and after he had gotten a bit more glimpse into the world and having traveled with Chummy the chameleon & Circi the compass Chris sees what he must do, right now he can’t think about what he doesn’t have or what he should have, but rather of his hard work, what he has right now and the work and people’s help he will need to work on getting closer to making his dream a reality and who knows perhaps in this journey he might even realize something else he wanted more, perhaps a path he never saw possible until now.

“Ok Diana dear, it’s getting late….” Bernadette announced as she gently took the book from Diana, closed and put on the drawer.

“But…..one more mother….please….” Diana tried to execute one of her best puppy dog eyes, but Bernadette would not relent.

“Diana…..” Bernadette said in a slightly amused but admonishing tone.

“Very well mother, but may I ask a question?” Diana asked hesitantly while still laying it on thick with the puppy dog eyes so it was inevitable what the reply would be.

“Of course dear, but only one. It’s getting late” Bernadette answered back with a ghost of a smile on her face. Her daughter’s curiosity has always been insatiable after all.

“Mom why do people use zodiac signs to tell stories, are what they tell about each sign really accurate?” Diana leans in close to her mom, eagerly awaiting her mom’s reply.

Bernadette closes her eyes a bit to think about the best way to answer this question and she remembers a particular moment some years back and the brief discussion with a certain spunky red haired moonlight witch.

“It’s already getting late, but how about one last story? I believe it will have a better answer for that question. Besides I do believe you would be interested in hearing it, it’s about the time I met Chariot, long before she became Shiny Chariot, interested?” Bernadette announces but she didn’t even have to wait that long for a response because Diana exuberantly blurted out

“Yes mother! Please do, I would love to and how did you meet her? How was she? And-”

Bernadette waved her hand as a means to silence Diana and to command attention “Ok little one, this happened a few years back, quite a bit before Shiny Chariot even graced the stage……”

It was a hectic day. Bernadette Cavendish has been called in to be one of the Judges for the Samhain festival. Mostly due to previous judge having cancelled last minute so Holbrooke called in a favor. While Bernadette was 1 year shy from having graduated from Luna Nova the misfortunate and bizarre capsizing of the ship that Daryl and Bernadette’s parents were in left the Cavendish without a leader and luckily or unluckily whichever way you prefer to view it, a few months after their death was the Venusian Eclipse.

Strangely enough father was always the prepared man and left in the will that I would be the head of Cavendish house, despite Daryl’s seniority over me, which did even less wonders in closing the chasm of differences and tension between my sister and I.

In any case perhaps it’s being back in Luna Nova that gives me such nostalgia.

I saw a wonderful and surprising performance from the surprise witch that came out of practically nowhere in the crowd’s general opinion and stole the show, literally by the display of transformation and showmanship magic, it filled my heart with so much joy and wonder and made me call back to the uncomplicated love and fascination I used to exude when I was younger, sadly things in later life often become a habit or obligation and the true magic fades away a bit, but this reignited it a bit.

I had stayed and took a bit to drink, not too much given my weak constitution but even that was too much it would seem as I felt woozy and weak, Holbrooke immediately assigned me to the nurse and a room to stay the night, seeing the time it would be much too late to travel back in my condition anyway.

I conceded and went to rest. However I only slept a bit and when I woke up, it was still much too early as I saw the clock read a bit past 5 am. I was restless though and decided to take a walk. On the plus side muscle memory is truly a wonderful thing you realize all over again in these instances, while it has been a few turbulent and trying years adjusting to being head of the Cavendish at 17, meeting my husband, delivering a beautiful baby girl, becoming a widow all too quickly and having most likely a limited amount of time still left to see my baby grow up, my body and mind instinctively remember all the twists, turns, nook and crannies. It’s actually nearing a more open space though that I halt because I see two figures in the courtyard. They are sitting on the bench talking although their proximity to each other seems to suggest they are fairly close.

One of them stands up and twirls around and I notice it immediately, the long white robe and the white hat with the horns on the side, that’s the engaging and energetic red haired moon light witch from earlier today, well yesterday now technically.

She seems to be fairly happy as she lets out another performance in front of a- from what I can tell- purple haired girl.

Of course this draws the attention of a shadow nearby on the opposite side of the courtyard and they run to hide, as do I.

How silly though, I always helped patrol back then and I’m an adult now, I have no reason to hide, but I have to admit it’s probably being back in this school, takes me back.

After the coast was clear and the patrol went the other direction the two girls came out and I moved closer so I can hear them talking, I can’t help but feel wrong about this, but something about the moonlight witch this year and the feeling her performance awoke in me after a long time made me curious to know more about her.

I was still too much out of ear shot to hear anything clearly, but seeing by the red haired ones flustered state I would say she was just teased and the purple haired one proceeds to give the moonlight witch a hug which in turn she greedily accepts and the hug lasts for quite a bit longer than platonic hug time constitutes, but perhaps I’m out of the loop with teenagers nowadays as to what constitutes the normal length for those.

The red haired girl is sulking now and I feel compelled to go to her, but she abruptly jumps up from her seated position on the stone bench and conjures up a constellation chart, this is highly impressive and clearly she has an affinity for astrology to conjure up something to this extent.

She seems to be pulling up two signs in particular a libra and a pisces.

Curious.

As I move to go a bit closer but still trying to not arouse suspicion I step on branch and she notices me and immediately jumps.

“I’m sorry, please don’t give me detention, I just got out of a one month scrubbing the toilets a month ago, I would prefer to not have to repeat that again.” she eyed me pleadingly while having her hands clasped together in front of her face hoping I don’t reprimand.

I start laughing. This completely catches her off-guard.

“Rest assured little moon light witch I truly am not here to punish you, I’ll have you know I’m sneaking about as well” Bernadette answered good naturedly while extending her hand to greet the girl “ Bernadette Cavendish, pleasure to meet you acquaintance that was a lovely performance you put on I was quite enchanted with it”

Chariot’s eyes visibly widen and then she enthusiastically starts shaking Bernadette’s hands “Ahh my name is Chariot du Nord, nice to meet you. A pleasure to meet the head of the Cavendish family, you were one of the judges right? Thank you for liking the show I’m glad to hear that and ….”

Bernadette notices the girl is quite chipper and just keeps rambling on excitedly, (what an energetic and charismatic girl).

“Miss Cavendish…..” chariot waves her hands in front of her face and Bernadette jumps back a bit “Ahh… I’m sorry I didn’t mean to surprise you, I was just wondering what you were still doing at Luna Nova since I’m aware most judges or spectators tend to leave after, but you were staring off so I wasn’t sure if you heard me, sorry for rambling, I’m still a bit giddy about winning as moon light witch and all…..” she trails off while sheepishly putting her fingers together while fidgeting.

Bernadette smiled “Ooh don’t worry it’s quite alright and very much understandable I remember being moonlight witch my first year in Luna Nova it’s a wonderful feeling so completely understandable. Also to answer your question, I was feeling a bit under the weather after due to my weak constitution, but I’m feeling a lot better now. I would like to ask you the same thing though you were practicing some magnificent astrology magic there is there any specific reason now? Since it’s already becoming lighter outside after all, it would be more useful at a darker time.”

Chariot’s face blushes beat red “a-ah….well you see I…..” she doesn’t quite know what to answer so I decide to tease a bit suspecting a more than platonic inkling from the purple haired girl and chariot. It’s an all-girls school after all so those kind of relationships are hardly a surprise, even though romantically speaking I’m more inclined to males myself, I did have quite a few friends that dabbled in that and that’s fine by me, you never know who ends up taking your fancy.

“Could it have anything to do with the libra and piscis signs?”

Chariot’s mouth as agape and she appears to open her mouth to speak however I decided to go for the overkill.

“or was it perhaps connected to the purple haired girl that left earlier?”

And there it was the deer caught in the head lights look. Ah, perhaps I did go too far.

“I’m sorry if I’m prying too much….”

“No, no, it’s just ….uhm….ok….so….I was wondering about the zodiac signs and what they meant and what they actually mean for each person like do they accurately predict someone’s fate or personality or are compatibility between signs a certain thing or what can you do to guarantee a lasting bond…..I’m just a bit conflicted right now and sorry again for rambling……” Chariot was fidgeting and she didn’t even once look up from the ground.

“I don’t believe on certain are absolutely accurate, I’m unsure of why you pulled up specifically a libra and a pisces but I’m assuming it might have to do with your purple haired friend, but seeing as it makes you uncomfortable I will not comment further although keep in mind that nothing changes, develops or maintains unless of your consistent and hard effort to work on it. Whether it’s a lasting bond with this girl or it’s your dreams, because after all one imagines their dreams, but reality is what becomes of your hard earned effort to achieve your goals and perhaps it’s not the same as your dream initially was, but the growth that has overcome you in that time and the end point that you have reached might be exactly what you needed as oppose to what you initially wanted. Life is filled with inconsistencies and forking roads so as long as you’re doing your best and constantly striving for the best version of yourself, I believe it will work out.” Bernadette approaches the girl and put a hand on Chariot and smiles.

“Concerning the zodiac signs I don’t believe they are wrong as guides, because people have faith in various things that keeps them going or that inspires and astrology is an old craft that has been used for many years, you should neither revere it as perfect guide or tool nor dismiss it as too irregular. Rather take with it what you will and let it inspire you then do something with that inspiration to make your desires a reality. I’m sorry I’m afraid I’m the one that talked too long this time” Bernadette smiled apologetically while taking her arms off of Chariot’s shoulder.

Chariot proceeds to hug Bernadette. Bernadette is caught off guard.

“-thank you” was the muffled reply of Chariot and she pulled away quickly after “I’m sorry for the sudden hug”

“No, no it’s fine, surprising but pleasant nonetheless. Tell me chariot what makes you fascinated in astrology?”

“The possibilities and also I want to understand all the various zodiac signs and harmony between them because I want to understand how to make as many people as possible happy. I want to perform with zodiac sign animals and various other transformation magic because I believe the wonder and joy of seeing these creatures can be stronger than disagreements or dispute between human beings, it’s something more universal at least in my eyes. At least that’s just a sentiment of mine, but I’m aware how silly my dream may seem to some…..even so! I have to try” Chariot while slightly hesitant she had a certain spark inher eyes I couldn’t help but admire. She was rocking on the ball of her foot awaiting my reply.

“It is an awfully ambitious dream, your determination reminds me of my little daughter, Diana. So driven and hard-working for a 4 year old” Bernadette smiles fondly thinking of her little girl “That said I believe your intentions aren’t wrong, but remember strive for your own happiness before you worry for others or the world.”

Chariot smiles. “Ok I will work on it”

“Headmistress Holbrooke I believe I saw someone in the courtyard.” Can be heard faraway in booming voice. One of the fearie patrols no doubt from earlier.

Chariot looks anxious at me I tell her to go back to her dorm I will intercept them. She mouths thank you and storms back to her dorm.

“Hello headmistress Holbrooke. Good morning, and sorry for walking around and giving the patrol trouble”

“Ooh my, Bernadette I wasn’t expecting you up so early! Good Morning and no don’t worry”

The fearie patrol started saying he swear he saw someone, but Bernadette says she might’ve caught a glimpse of something but it was too dark to identify and so the matter was laid to rest.

“Ok Diana to bed young lady” Bernadette motioned for Diana to get off the bed.

Diana doesn’t budge. “Mother about the meanings and bonds do you believe they might be true if you want them to be?”

“Is this about the story book? Or something else?” it would seem there is something Bernadette is missing from this story.

“Something else, mother remember when we got separated after the chariot show?”

Of course I did. I had a particular bad fainting spell after the show while we were walking away from the crowd and I got separated from Diana I was terrified before I blacked out, the trip in particular had been exhausting. Luckily I did have Anne and another butler with me Anne stayed with me while Joseph, the butler went to search for Diana. Did something bad happen that Diana didn’t tell her about, Diana saw her mother’s distressed face and put her tiny hand on top of her mother

“Don’t worry mom nothing bad happened, I promise.”

Bernadette visibly relaxed.

“You see when I got lost and swept along the crowd I met another little girl, she had brown hair and was also separated from her parents because of the crowd. I thought we should continue waiting and she wanted to keep on moving to find them we kept arguing but when we noticed some people kept on staring we went into the crowd in search of either one of our parents but then an old lady from one of the stands called out to us, she was a bit creepy-”

“Diana I thought you told me nothing-”

“Let me finish, please mother” Diana pouted.

“Very well, I will not comment until the end” Bernadette relented.

“So she ended up being a magical astronomer or the ones that tell fortune. I thought would be best to move away from her but the little girl decided it would be cool so we went closer. I told her we had no money on us, but she said this one was free of charge and conjured up our zodiac cards along with a card about our bond or something saying we will have a lifelong bond or something. It was then we decided to keep searching and the little girl had a few dollars in her pockets and we both got one cotton candy to share and we decided to go closer to where the stand was for the show now that there were less people. It was in the process of walking there that the brown haired girl said to exchange the card about our zodiac sign and if the life long bond fortune is right we’ll meet again and exchange it back I was going to say I don’t live there so the chance of meeting again is not very likely but she handed me her card and I felt inclined to give her mine it was then that Joseph made it through the people still around there and the same time the girl’s mother showed up and pulled her away. Wait let me go get the card mother.” And the young Cavendish girl dashes to her room and comes back after a bit and eagerly shows me the cancer zodiac sign from the girl diana exchanged and I was shocked to notice the card that Diana got.

That’s curious.

Years Ago at a random festival.

“Bernadette let’s get out of here, this place is bogus!” Daryl came out huffing. The old lady comes outside and announces my sister forgot to pay, so I paid her part. The old lady grabs my arm and says she want to do a reading for me for free. I told her I’m not particularly interested in these things she asks please and I decide to humor her. She pulls a few different cards, but one particular that she tells me is the one that looks like the one that Diana got and she even has her insignia because she told me about it at the end.

“Diana dear, did you catch the little girl’s name?”

“Uhm no” Diana has a very embarrassed expression “I forgot to introduce mine as well, her English was a bit hard to understand as well and I was being dragged most of the time we barely had any time to catch our breaths……”Diana seemed a bit put-off by being reminded of that.

How unusual to have Diana so out of her element, that’s so unlike her so I started chuckling.

“Mother….why are you laughing” Diana was baffled and a bit annoyed.

“There, there darling I’m sure you will meet this person again, she clearly made an impression on you and sounds like this person might’ve been the same person your mommy met some time back”

Diana was surprised. “Did her predictions for you come true then mother?”

“Some of them did or actually I should say the ones that truly matter did and that’s all that counts in my eyes. Like having my beautiful daughter filled with ambition and endless curiosity that is still awake past her curfew. Now let me take you to your room darling no more time for stories I’m afraid, straight to bed.”

“But-”

“No buts Diana. Rest assured though I will be beside you till you fall asleep.”

Diana got out of bed and gently tugged my hand and I went back to her room and tucked her in. Bernadette kept petting her hair and before she drifted off to sleep she mumbled ‘I love you mother’. Bernadette said ‘I love you too my little angel’.

One last thought entered Bernadette’s head. That card that was given to Diana was the same one that she was given moments before she met Richard, her now deceased ex-husband. The card did not strictly refer to lovers although it was the more common connotation. She decided she didn’t mind either one to be fair. She’s aware she won’t be able to see Diana grow up into an adult and this small comfort that Diana might have someone that cares for her as much as Richard cared for her calms her somewhat and despite how many more years she wished she had with Richard she appreciates the time they did have.

Stars don’t dictate all or sometimes even not much at all, but completely underestimating the lucky coincidences and the unusual way fate tends to work seems foolhardy.

Bernadette gives her daughter a kiss on the top of her head and closes the door, only leaving a small night light to leave the room with a bit of brightness while her little angel slumbers.

She grabs the cancer card and other card given to Diana. Very curious indeed.

She wishes she could meet this little girl that already has the power to drag around her strong-willed daughter, but she supposes just like she told chariot as long as she works hard she could do it, after all her becoming a tree like all the other Cavendish head of house is a given, she would like a nice open field if she’s honest, but right now she wants to live for as much as she can, she will worry about being able to catch a glimpse of this energetic girl later in whichever form she might be, after all working hard and affection are two things that come best to her. She’s a proud Cavendish after all.

#DianakkoWeek #Diakko #Dianakko #diana cavendish #bernadette cavendish

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