#Wendyfic

[robotslenderman]

Are you doing anymore wendyfic?

I heard you were doing another story on her

Yeah I wrote another fic but hit a wall just before the climax, so decided to go work on Mithfic while that sat. I'm now working on the first draft of another vampfic andwill probably fix Wendyfic once I'm done with that (the first draft of the other fic, that is).

[robotslenderman]

Can relate to this.

I have a fic in the pipeline where the main character, who is otherwise very morally sound and actually has a history of making unpopular decisions in the name of doing the right thing, knowingly stays in a close friendship with a rapist because she loves him and doesn't want to be alone. With the way the fic is going she may even end up romantically involved with him because they have incredible chemistry and she genuinely has a relationship with him that she has with nobody else.

Except, you know. He's a rapist, and she knows about it.

And I am so. not. looking forward. to seeing people accuse me of being okay with that kind of thing IRL. like I think 99% of the reason why it's taken so long to edit this fic so that I can actually publish it is because I know I am going to get a ton of shit thrown at me for what I am going to write my character as choosing to do.

I am not looking forward to people demanding I dig up my own trauma in order to present it to them for their inspection and approval before they can determine me "traumatised enough" to be qualified to write about it. I do have trauma but fuck anyone who thinks I should present it to them like a fucking ID card.

The thing is, I've always loved reading and writing about fucked up shit. I read V C Andrews at twelve and loved it. I could never relate to escapism as a kid, it just felt infantilising and plot devicey; I felt soothed and comforted by darkfic where fucked up shit happened and it didn't get better. My childhood was miserable, and every time another fictional character got the happy ending I didn't it made me feel worse. I wanted to read about characters who could relate to my own suffering, and if they got their happy endings they couldn't relate to me any more. I couldn't relate to them any more.

But no matter how many times I break that down to people who prefer escapism, they just don't want to hear it. They can't comprehend that people genuinely want to explore fucked up shit in a way that doesn't involve direct harm to another human being. They want Victorian levels of morality in their fics (except less bigoted) so they presume everyone else wants the same morality in theirs, so if you write fucked up shit they just assume you are also pro-fucked up shit IRL.

But like. no. I'm going to write fucked up shit. I'm going to write fucked up shit and I'm NOT going to write it in such a way that the narrative Makes It Clear That It's Wrong because I'm going to assume that actual adults who can tell right from wrong are going to read it. I'm going to write it with realistic consequences -- the character is never going to not feel guilty about loving the rapist, she's never not going to have it eat away at her, and the person who was raped is going to have her own story and the person who was raped is going to be suitably fucked up by the whole thing (traumatised, but also not traumatised; it fucks her up that she feels she isn't fucked up enough by the whole thing due to the circumstances surrounding her rape; I feel that that's something a lot of rape survivors struggle with and it's something I'm going to explore in her own fic because I don't think it's talked about enough because there's definitely a societal expectation to be the certain picture of a rape victim and part of it is feeling a specific way about your rape) but I'm not going to write a story where everyone parades in a line and spouts the obvious: "raping people is wrong, and if you know someone who is a rapist you should kick their ass to the kerb instead of being friends with them what the fuck is wrong with you."

I've been really pushing myself lately to get over that fear and go ahead and edit and publish anyway. And I'm going to slap spoileriffic warnings over the thing because nobody who is dealing with that kind of trauma should have it sprung on them. I do genuinely care about the people who read it and don't want them to be enjoying themselves only to get punched in the face with flashbacks.

But if you have those kinds of triggers and read the trigger warnings and go ahead and read it anyway, and decide that means I'm okay with that kind of thing in real life simply because I wrote about it, then frankly no, I don't care about you because I will not care about someone who does not care about themselves. And if you send me angry anon messages for handling it wrong having gone in knowing what it was about, and you decide this means that my morals are equally as fucked up, then fuck you.

For what it's worth; it was not violent rape, but it was also the kind of rape that I could see people easily dismissing as "not real rape", and it's important to me that my character does say, flat out, "yes, what you did to her was rape." And she does. And he feels guilty about it. and she feels guilty about it.

But it's also going to eat away at her because none of that is an excuse. And I hope that the way I depict it as niggling away at her will make it clear that I, as a person and the writer, know it's bullshit and that it was unjustifiable. I hope that me writing her as knowing deep down that it still wasn't okay and that his feeling a little bit bad for it doesn't take away the trauma it inflicted on his victim makes it clear that I think it was a reprehensible act and would never stand for it IRL.

Buuuuuuuuuut in reality I know a lot of people are going to be really mad about it and assume I'm also a rape apologist because my character essentially is when you boil it down.

(Also, I get you, OP. I can't watch a lot of amateur porn because it's always in the back of my head that it could be revenge porn. Or I do and then feel really guilty because what if one of them doesn't know it's online??? what if one of them didn't consent to sharing it??? that shit keeps me up at night.)

why do i like dark stuff?

A little while ago I received an anonymous ask that I won't be publishing, because the way it was phrased suggests it was asked in bad faith (think "Have you stopped beating your wife?"). The question essentially boiled down to "Why are you into [works featuring] a horrible thing?".

I am generally a very open person, and normally wouldn't mind waxing philosophical about why my mind is twisted the way it is, but the thing is, it doesn't actually matter.

The way I see it, what we engage with in works of fiction, both as writers and readers, is akin to roleplaying.

For instance, when I write or read stories featuring rape, that's functionally no different from playing out a force fantasy with a partner. Assuming a story has been outfitted with appropriate tags and warnings, everyone involved have given their informed consent - because the characters in the story? Those are fictional.

No actual real people are being subjected to any kind of violation or abuse in the content I enjoy.* And writing or reading about abuse does not equate to condoning it.

Now, I understand that it can be upsetting to find that the creator of something you enjoy also creates or engages with works that you find morally repugnant (or even just a bit icky). Truly! I get it. But the thing is, dealing with your feelings about what other people consent to do with one another (as writers and readers of these stories) really isn't their responsibility. It's yours.

If you find the mere existence of a certain kind of story so triggering or upsetting as to feel abused yourself, you may want to look into the many ways you can filter and hide stories from AO3 so you won't be exposed to them. People who are into darkfic of all kinds are generally extremely aware that what we enjoy is often upsetting/triggering to others, and we're good at using tags and warnings to make sure no one who doesn't want to see our work will read it by accident.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I am not going to attempt to justify "why" I like the things I do, but I do want to say one thing on that topic: the psychology behind why people are into these kinds of things is incredibly complex, and as far as I know, science has barely begun to scratch the surface. Most people don't know why they kink the way they do. But please bear in mind that some who are into darkfic are using it as a way of processing their own traumatic experiences of abuse of various kinds. And if I were one of those people, being put on the spot with an anonymous demand that I explain and justify myself publicly would probably not help.

Finally, to the anon who sent the ask: If you are genuinely curious and did not mean to attack me - if you are prepared to actually listen to my answer - reach out to me in private and we'll talk.

* In fact, I'm so damn sensitive I can't even watch BDSM porn from reputable sources with actor interviews and all, because of the constant niggling worry that maybe, just maybe they're not into it after all.

[roseate-felidae]

Its crab day/week! 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

We must save Tumblr!

Sending crabs to my most bestest people:

@robotslenderman First met you over your Wendyfic, but soon became my first mutual, I love to see you happy. I always think of you when I see a ferret or squishmallow.

@mekanikaltrifle who else can be the coolest Fifer I know and make my day with your content but you? I have cursed you with being know for Glassman. Sorry but not sorry. Also Juniper rocks!

@themarginalthinker I talk your ear off on your fic and random rubbish, but you still didn't give up our friendship. love to hear about your hobbies and you gave the world The Charlie Faust. We do not deserve her (or you).

@lepurcinus you get it! rabbits and lagomorpha are the best things to ever happen to the world. Watership Down is an amazing story and not just "the scary rabbit film". Also your xenofiction ideas are super duper cool.

I love you all and I wish I could reach through the screen and give you hugs. life is hard and you make it bearable. You also put up with me (and my bunny rambles). No small feat!

I want to help Tumblr, I don't have a lot of money, so I chose the best people I know to gift too.

Woo crab day!!!!!! 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

[rainbowchae]

the wendyfication of giselle

[verloonati]

the cringe in front of the wendyfication of corporate social media management leaving my body when big finish does it

the big finish instagram account is a gift

[dawnofus]

WendYF | 191208 : Mirrors Thank You Party

[seasidecollectibles]

white shirt and colorful shorts by wendyfer featuring a gold necklace ❤ liked on Polyvore

[robotslenderman]

Editing Wendyfic has been going at a snail's pace for months but something finally clicked today and I feel excited about the story!

... Now to actually edit lmao.

[jmstyle08]

Espadrilles by wendyfer featuring a perfume fragrance ❤ liked on Polyvore

Joie top, $230 / H M white skirt / Tory Burch slip on sandals, $140 / Crossbody purse / A X N Y blue jewelry / Christian Dior jewelry / Christian Dior mascara / Perfume fragrance

[sylcameojewels3]

My heart belongs to the beach by wendyfer featuring a color block bathing suit ❤ liked on Polyvore

[iamthestyleartisan]

The New Pretty #summerglow by wendyfer featuring Eve Lom ❤ liked on Polyvore

Ippolita 18k gold earrings / Hoop earrings, £9.71 / Stud earrings, £41 / Effy Jewelry 14 karat gold earrings, £5,410 / Makeup brush, £22 / Urban Decay face makeup, £35 / Bobbi Brown Cosmetics cheek makeup, £37 / Palette makeup / Shiseido makeup, £6.18 / Trish McEvoy curling iron, £24 / L A Girl palette eyeshadow, £7.73 / Laura Mercier face powder, £29 / Mac cosmetic, £24 / Anastasia Beverly Hills highlight makeup, £22 / Witchery glossier makeup, £9.97 / Bobbi Brown Cosmetics face powder, £31 / Dolce Gabbana compact face powder, £47 / Eve Lom face powder, £37 / Nars cosmetic, £22 / Tarte highlight makeup, £22 / Bobbi Brown Cosmetics cheek bronzer, £28 / Topshop highlight makeup, £13 / Illamasqua eye makeup / Makeup

[prettynposh2]

Bone by wendyfer featuring teal home decor ❤ liked on Polyvore

Alberto Biani white blouse, $195 / Raey summer shorts / Valentino wedge shoes, $800 / Man bag / Talbots flower necklace / Humble Chic stud earrings / Christian Dior mascara, $27 / Nail polish / Teal home decor

[dawnofus]

WendYF | 191208 : Mirrors Thank You Party

[vlampomeister957]

Off The Shoulder Dress by wendyfer featuring Peter Pilotto ❤ liked on Polyvore

Peter Pilotto clothing / Tory Burch patent leather sandals / Blue patent leather purse / Tiffany Co vintage enamel ring / Tory Burch cluster drop earrings / Green jade jewelry / Blue flower hair accessory

[robotslenderman]

Saw your reblog,so

Dusty!!!!!

How is the Wendy fic going?????

Any headcanons?

*shouts in distance, sounds like the echo like noise across a large playground or empty parking lot "

Nossiesss!!!!?!?

I've actually started the first read of Wendyfic!

My fic writing process basically goes like this:

First draft. Usually in dot points, tho not always. Very messy. Like think of the average first draft -- it's way worse lmao. Wendyfic's first draft is actually surprisingly neat!

Pretend it doesn't exist for at least 3 months. I went 6.

First read! This is where I take notes on themes, structure, make notes of where to insert foreshadowing, etc.

I make a summary of the story afterwards, and a summary of character arcs, themes, etc, based on these notes.

Then after that read I go through and read again, this time making a summary for each scene.

Overhaul time. I fix up the summaries I made before and make them summaries of what I want the story to be, noting which scenes have to be chopped, which have to be combined, etc etc.

Second draft. It's basically an entire rewrite, especially if the first draft was just dot points. Especially because my first drafts are usually in present tense and I need to switch everything to past -- it's just easier to completely rewrite.

Let it sit, but not for as long this time.

Polish draft.

At minimum the draft I publish is the 3rd draft, but usually it's the 4th. For really difficult chapters it's the 5th. The bolded step is where Wendyfic is right now.

And like. I know I write fic for free but I've always prided myself on trying to be as professional with my fics as I can be, making them the best they can be. I've submitted one shots that I half assed and I wasn't really proud of them even if people loved them (the Roger fic where he touches Hvare for the first time -- don't really like how I did it).

It does mean tho that I take forever to actually publish the damn thing, but I swore to myself years ago I'd never be one of those writers that half assed a long form fic and abandoned it partway through because "well shut up and be grateful you're getting it FOR FREE." I think part of dismantling capitalism means dismantling the idea that money is the only thing worth making an effort for.

But yeah!

Wendyfic's first draft is a bigger mess than the first draft of the last fic was, so she's going to need an even bigger overhaul. There's too much of her running around ordering people to do things for her, and not enough of her actually doing things and overcoming challenges.

I am nervous about publishing this one though. Wendy was a very moral person in Radio Silence, but in the sequel she's essentially discovered just how hard it is to do the right thing and it's really chipped away at her morale and her ability to stick to her principles and that's going to disappoint a lot of people who were proud of her for her "Fuck you, do the right thing" attitude in RS. She does falter in ways that are pretty big that she wouldn't have during 2004. She makes one pretty big decision I would never make in a million years, and I just know people are going to accuse me of sanctioning that decision just because I wrote about it, but I'm going to write it anyway because I like to write fucked up things and people making fucked up choices. I'm going to slap a pretty big disclaimer on the fic because of it though -- people are going to find it genuinely triggering.

I have personal experience with something similar (someone else made the same choice Wendy did) and I guess it was my way of working out how people can make the decisions they (and Wendy) do, but I'm not going to say more than that because fuck anyone who thinks I should dig up my trauma publicly to justify writing about fictional trauma in a fucked up way.

Sorry, that was vague.

As to headcanons and so on -- really hard to comment at this point lol because anything can change. I'm thinking of dividing one character into two, but then I realised that that character actually does well enough staying the way they are so I might not go through with it after all.

I will say tho:

I stopped the final draft just before the climax because I genuinely had no idea how it was going to play out, and figured I should reread and edit before I get that far. So I still have no idea how it's going to end. Hell, I didn't fully know how RS was going to end until a couple of weeks before I published it.

The Baltimore Nosferatu Primogen is a swan because the Baltimore nossies thought it was funny. Alas, he's not my invention, he is @orodrethsgeek's, but they let me borrow him!

The Vykosoviches show up and so does Sullivan, but I don't know how much of that will stay in.

Cieszmir showed up as well but he'll probably be cut out because he was pure self indulgence. Unless he shows up and does something in the climax-I-don't-know-about, because I'm quite sure his uncle will and he hasn't been in any scenes his uncle hasn't been in. If enough people yell at em to keep him lol I might

At one point Wendy gets chased by a serial killer with a chainsaw.

The Washington DC Warren is SO COOL but I won't spoil it aaaaaa

I have no idea if Cock Robin will be in this fic or not. He was in the first draft but didn't really do anything so unless I can figure out what to do with him in the next draft he'll probably be cut out entirely.

[robotslenderman]

First draft of Mithfic is DONE!!!! 🎉🎉🎉