#Well see if the carpal tunnel braces hold up or if I need to do something more extreme | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

whatifyoulivelikethat · 4 years ago

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car ride, m | kth, jjk

pairing(s): taehyung x reader x jungkook

summary: You really know how to make a car ride, er... eventful. Maybe too eventful for Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. They try to punish you, but who are we kidding? The three of you are too busy being horny as fuck. Oh well.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, (slight) exhibitionism; intense smut (fem reader, fingering, lil cock slapping, threesome, m-receiving oral, f and m-masturbation, double penetration/spit-roasting, cum eating; also you get covered in cum, yay!); fluff; non-idol!AU; noona!reader and you’re all nymphos, welp

Technically a continuation of just kidding and ii, but can be read alone.

–

Kim Taehyung said it first.

“She’s actually insane.”

Jeon Jungkook nodded tightly; jaw clenched as he tried not to stare at you through the rearview mirror.

Thirty minutes ago, you had called Taehyung, tone casual and light.

“Hey, could you pick me up? I think I missed the last bus.”

“Hm, sure.”

“Bring Jungkook with you, please.”

And then you hung up.

Taehyung had stared at his phone, frowning. Then he went to go collect Jungkook, who was in the middle of editing a music video. He edited videos for indie bands in his spare time, kind of for fun, kind of as a passion project. He did want to be a director or video editor, after all.

“Oi, our horny little seductress called.”

Jungkook had snapped his head far too quickly, long black hair cascading against his cheek, eyes glittering with interest. Too much interest. Taehyung would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little annoyed.

“Asked you to come, so you’re driving.”

Jungkook had grinned.

“Okay.”

Except it was not okay. Very not okay.

“You can sit in the front, Tae. I need space for my bag.”

So now the three of you were sitting in Jungkook’s car, Jungkook driving, Taehyung riding shotgun as you sat in the backseat. From this position, you could see Jungkook’s black sweater and Taehyung’s camel coat. You were wearing an oversized black parka with a nine-pointed star embordered on the chest, your black leather skull-shaped purse chilling beside you. Knee-high black leather boots.

Bare legs.

That should have been their first warning sign.

“What were you doing?” Taehyung had asked as you climbed in. Jungkook started the car, pulling out of the parking garage, into the night.

“Doctor’s appointment for my wrist.” You sighed, tapping your right arm. “Just a check-up.” You pulled down the sleeve of your large parka, showing the wrist brace. “I should at least sleep with it.”

Taehyung scratched his head. “Damn, I didn’t realize your carpal tunnel was that bad.”

You waved your hand. “It’ll be fine. I’m exercising it.”

“Where to?” Jungkook chirped, stopping at a red light.

Pop.

Jungkook’s dark brown eyes flickered to the rearview mirror, narrowing. His face was lit with red from the cars in front of him. Taehyung turned around sharply. You smiled, feeling the cold air on your bare collarbones. Pop, pop, pop. The silver buttons of your parka snapped apart, revealing skin. Bare skin, the gentle curve of your breasts and cleavage. Taehyung’s dark eyes widened, as you pushed the sides apart, your naked breasts bouncing as the light turned green.

“WHAT THE FUCK?”

A car honked very loudly behind Jungkook and he was forced to press on the accelerator as Taehyung exploded, his deep voice booming as he gawked at your tits.

“Are you insane?” Taehyung shouted.

You grinned, cupping your breasts and squeezing your nipples between two fingers, mouth open, tongue tracing your teeth from side to side.

Taehyung snapped back forward, searching for police.

“She’s actually insane.”

Jungkook clenched his jaw so tight that he couldn’t say anything, trying to focus on driving and only driving, and not the sound of you moaning as you played with your breasts, pressing them together and flicking your nipples.

“Do you want us to get arrested?” Taehyung hissed, sneaking glances at you in the darkness while simultaneously darting his eyes around for literally anyone who might be able to witness your sinful lunacy.

“Taehyung, she went to the doctor like that,” Jungkook gritted out.

That thought apparently hadn’t crossed Taehyung’s mind. He whipped his head around again, eyes so wide that you paused your heinous display of lust for a second, afraid they were going to fall out of his head.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” he roared.

You grinned, holding your hands up. “I didn’t have to take my coat off, if that makes you feel better,” you said cheerfully.

Taehyung did not look like he felt better. In fact, he looked like he was going to pass out. He lifted his head to stare at the sky, mouthing silent words, running a large hand through his dark brown hair and messing it up. Your mouth watered, seeing that hand, knowing what it could do. Jungkook’s knuckles were white with how hard he was gripping the steering wheel.

“So, where are we go–?” you began, far too cheerfully for the two men in front of you.

Jungkook cut you off tightly. “Ours. You are going to our place. Now.”

“Ah,” you exhaled, smiling. “That’s good.” You nuzzled back into your seat, tits still out, nipples hard from the cold air. “That’s very good.” You spread your legs, hands clutching both sides of your black parka.

Pop, pop, pop, pop.

Jungkook nearly veered off the road.

“WHAT THE HELL?”

Taehyung was going to get whiplash with how hard he kept jerking his head back and forth. “Where the fuck are your panties?”

You placed a finger to your lips, smirking. “Oh no, I think I lost them.”

Maybe it was time to pray because Jungkook was trying very hard not to fucking die, his eyes shooting from the road, to the rearview mirror, to the road, to the mirror, veins popping in his forehead, his black hair covering his left eye. You pushed the shoulders of your parka down, spreading it open, inserting your finger into your mouth.

“Noona, don’t you fucking dare…” Jungkook warned.

But you did dare, swirling your tongue around your finger, softly moaning his name, Taehyung slack-jawed as your lashes lowered. You ground your hips into the seat, pussy already glistening as you popped your fingertip out of your mouth, making Jungkook hiss, sliding your hand down your neck, between your breasts, all the way down, down, pressing your wet finger against your clit.

Taehyung’s voice went low, dangerous.

“Are you a bad, bad girl, noona?” he growled.

You bit your lip, pressing down on your bundle of nerves, gasping. “I’m a good girl sometimes… But it’s so hard...” You rubbed your clit slowly, pushing your head back into the headrest, locking eyes with Taehyung, rocking your hips into your hand. “It’s so hard when I want to be naughty for you, Tae…”

His beautiful lips curved into a wicked smile, voice so low it was tearing through you, burning you with arousal. “Yeah? Just for me?”

You cried out softly, adding more pressure. Your eyes flickered to the rearview mirror, to Jungkook’s panicked, blown-out pupils.

“No… For Jungkook, t-too…”

“Fucking shit,” Jungkook breathed, trying to drive slow and steady so he wouldn’t die while having the biggest hard-on of his life.

Taehyung yanked the lever of the passenger’s seat, pushing down the back to get closer to you. Jungkook slammed his palm against the wheel, snarling at him, but Taehyung completely ignored his outburst, sliding up the seat. You licked your lips and rubbed yourself faster, tipping your hips in his direction.

“Fuck,” Taehyung breathed, eyes roaming over your form. “You’re so fucking hot, noona.”

“Tae…” you whined, angling yourself to him.

“You want me to touch you, noona?” Taehyung purred; eyes even darker from the low light. He lifted his hand, flexing his long fingers. “You want me to touch that naughty pussy of yours?”

You whimpered, stroking your clit, chasing your orgasm, your dripping wet hole opening and closing, begging for his fingers. He dragged himself closer, fingertips dancing on your thigh. So hot, so close, fuck, you wanted him, Taehyung and his hungry eyes.

“I want to tell you no,” he whispered, gravelly and deep. “Shit, I want to tell you no and make you get yourself off, but you’re so fucking sexy, I just have to touch that dirty little pussy.”

And then he shoved two fingers into you, making you throw your head back and moan, long and wanton, Jungkook’s frustrated cries coming from the front seat as Taehyung’s fingers squelched into you, hard and fast and rough, not letting you get used to him, but you didn’t care, didn’t give a single fuck as you fucked your hips into his fingers. Gasping his name, rutting into his hand.

“Tell me when you’re close,” Taehyung demanded. “Be a good girl and tell me when you’re close.”

You nodded tightly, feeling the car slow as Jungkook pulled into the neighborhoods, nearing your orgasm, rubbing yourself fast as Taehyung thrust his fingers into you, your head pressing against the glass window. You panted, hip rising to meet him.

“A-ah, Taehyung, your fingers feel so good, so good, so fucking good,” you gasped. “Gonna cum, gonna cum just for you, Tae, all over your hand...”

Taehyung’s eyebrow rose, a smirk on his lips as he pumped his fingers into you, watching you come undone, seeing you hit the peak. Voice low, sexy, and authoritative.

“Oh, you wish.”

And then he ripped his fingers out of you as you screamed, your juices spilling out, pussy empty and clenching, orgasm hit, but wildly unsatisfying as Taehyung lifted himself up, grinning over you, fingers slick as he slid them into his mouth, licking them off. Your cum slid all over your thighs, dripping down, falling onto the carpet of Jungkook’s car.

“T-Taehyung!” you panted indignantly, sitting up sharply. “How could you!”

He cocked his head as the car stopped. Jungkook tore himself out of the seat, practically blasting his car door open to rip open your door, snatching you from the backseat. He slammed your nakedness against his black sweater and jeans, his hard body flexed against yours. You gasped at the sudden force, skin tingling with stimulation, the aftershocks of your orgasm still trembling through you.

“Noona,” he growled into your face, bringing his dark eyes to yours. “We have to teach you a lesson.”

Somehow, the three of you made it into the apartment without you flashing the entire complex.

Nice.

Getting you out of your clothes was easy. You were barely wearing any after all.

Taehyung shoved you against the hallway wall, tearing off his camel coat. You grabbed his white shirt and kissed him, hard, his musky cologne filling your nose. He whispered your name against your lips, grating and dangerous, smiling as you kissed him hungrily. You changed your positions, still kissing him, pushing him into the wall as Jungkook came up behind you, rolling his hard body into your back, sandwiching your nakedness between their clothed bodies. Jungkook grabbed your head and yanked your hair back, breaking your kiss with Taehyung to crash his lips into yours, forcing his tongue into your mouth and fucking it roughly, making you whimper.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” Taehyung growled, grabbing your thighs and hoisting them up to hook them around his waist. You leaned against Jungkook’s chest, holding your upper body up Taehyung licked up your breasts, latching his lips to your nipple. You whined in Jungkook’s mouth, hands coming up to grab the black fabric of his sweater, back arching. Taehyung’s large hands found your ass, smacking it once before gripping it tightly.

“You’re so naughty,” Jungkook murmured against your lips, right hand snaking around your waist, in between your legs. Taehyung narrowed his eyes at him, but Jungkook was focused on you and only you, your panting mouth as Taehyung sucked on your nipples, switching between them. “Dirty girl, walking around the city without underwear,” Jungkook purred, watching you gasp as he slid his fingers in between Taeyang’s clothed stomach and your dripping pussy. “Were you thinking about us all day, desperate for our cocks to fill you up?”

Your arms encircled Jungkook’s neck as you moaned, head against his broad shoulder as he began to rub your clit.

“Y-yes…”

Jungkook’s breath so hot against your neck as Taehyung spread your nipples with his tongue. You rocked your hips into his stomach, so wet Taehyung’s white t-shirt squelched against his skin, Jungkook’s fingers rubbing you hard and fast, racing you to your orgasm.

“You’re such a bad girl, noona. What are we going to do with you? Should we give you cock?” Jungkook snarled, so low and dangerous that you shivered, crying out Taehyung’s name as he nipped at your nipple, sending shocks of pain through you.

“P-please…” you panted, eyes rolling back as Jungkook pinched your clit, your hips grinding into Taehyung’s shirt. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me…”

Taehyung removed his mouth sharply and you whined, nipples dripping with his saliva.

“You think you deserve cock, noona?” Taehyung barked, spanking your ass hard as he spoke, punctuating his words with slaps. “You’ve been such a bad, bad girl. Should we even let you finish?”

You were nearly sobbing now, knowing you were so close, so close, breath hitching as Jungkook violently stroked you to orgasm.

“P-please… Please, Taehyung, let me cum, please, I need to cum so bad, please…”

Taehyung smirked, locking eyes with Jungkook.

“Aw, too bad I’m not the one pleasuring you.”

And then Jungkook tore his hand from you, making you wail, orgasm met, but wholly unsatisfying as you leaked all over Taehyung’s stomach, legs shaking, almost slipping if it wasn’t for Jungkook’s strong arms catching you. You clenched Jungkook’s sweater, yanking hard.

“You guys are so fucking mean!”

Taehyung chuckled as your legs slid down, down, gently placing you on the floor. He looked down at his white t-shirt and shook his head.

“You made a mess.”

You glared at him and then at Jungkook, who gave you an arrogant smirk.

“Sorry, noona. You nearly killed us all with your antics, after all.”

“Are you saying it wasn’t fun?” you countered.

Jungkook’s smirk grew. “It’s fun punishing you too.”

You narrowed your eyes, but quickly became distracted with Taehyung stepping away from the wall, pointing to the door at the end of the hall.

“Go.” A command.

That wasn’t Taehyung’s room. You tilted your head. You’d never been in Jungkook’s room before.

“Now.”

Your eyes shifted to Jungkook and he cocked his chin in the same direction. You frowned but went, legs still unsteady. Jungkook began to walk after you, but Taehyung grabbed his forearm, stopping him.

“Jungkook.”

The younger man turned his head to look at him. Taehyung’s expression was very stern, almost cold.

“There can be no one else,” he said quietly. “I’ll kill you if you hurt her.”

Jungkook blinked. He had never seen Taehyung so serious over a woman. Sure, Taehyung dated and fucked around, but he let things go quite easily most of the time. Jungkook placed a hand over his, staring straight into Taehyung’s eyes.

“Okay.”

Taehyung’s grip tightened, eyes hardening.

Jungkook smiled, lowering his hand.

“Trust me, hyung, she’s more than enough for me. I don’t need anyone else.”

After a long moment, Taehyung let him go, turning away to go to his room. Jungkook looked after him, rubbing his arm. He turned away, gazing at his now open door. A weird feeling overcame him, a strange push and pull, before he brushed it aside and walked to his bedroom. Jungkook stopped at the doorframe.

And was greeted by the sight of you sprawled out in his gaming chair, holding one of his t-shirts against your chest, inhaling deeply as your eyes closed, right hand between your legs. Your wrist brace was making it difficult to go fast, so instead you stroked your clit slowly, breathing in the scent of his residual cologne that clung to his clothes, paying little attention to the fact that Jungkook was now watching you, amused.

"You really are a horny little seductress, aren't you?'

You grinned hearing his deep voice, eyes still closed. You rubbed the fabric against your nipples, moaning at the sensation.

“How often do you sit here, jacking off while thinking about me?” you wondered out loud.

Jungkook clicked his tongue, making you open your eyes.

“Too often.”

You licked your lips, purring his name enticingly. His lips curved into a lazy smirk.

Ah.

Jungkook was just so very, very sexy and he knew it.

Your eyes admired him for a moment. The right side of his hair pinned back, revealing his undercut. Long dark locks obscuring the left side of his face, hiding his angular cheekbone, framing his chiseled jaw and mischievous eyes. He stepped into the room, reaching down and crossing his arms, pulling his sweater up and over his head. You sucked in a breath. His toned torso, lean and tan. His right arm, covered in tattoos, flexing as he pulled the clothing over his head, mussing up his hair. It curled a bit around his forehead. Fuck, both his arms, shapely and strong, deliberately tensing them to make you gasp. Jungkook raised his right hand, tiny tattoos flashing as he beckoned you to him.

“Come here.”

You stood up from his chair slowly, his t-shirt sliding down your body and onto the floor. Light, careful steps as he circled the bed, putting it between you and him. You crawled onto the bed on all fours, hands digging into his slate gray sheets as he stepped to the very edge of the bed, undoing the button of his black jeans, zipping it down as you approached him, nearly moaning when you pushed them past his hips, pressing your face into his black underwear, breathing hotly against his erection. Your eyes traveled back up to him, tongue sliding out and pressing wetly against his clothed cock.

“Fuck,” Jungkook breathed. “You’re so fucking hot.”

You grinned as he pushed his underwear down, his cock springing up to smear pre-cum against your cheek, already dripping from lack of stimulation. You went from base to tip, swirling your tongue all over, watching Jungkook’s head fall back as you took him in your mouth, so wet, so hot, so tight. Took it all the way down, feeling him swell in your mouth deliciously, his strong hand gripping the back of your head, keeping you there.

“Ah, such nice lips…” he purred, releasing your head so you could bob up and down, slowly. “That’s it, noona, just like that.”

You did, keeping a measured but deep pace, sucking in your cheeks. He hissed at the added stimulation, rocking his hips into your face. Jungkook looked back down, seeing you observing him, crouching on your hands and knees, your ass up in the air.

“Look at you, noona,” he murmured, reaching down to tweak your nipple. “So good at swallowing cock, so good at taking it all.”

You whimpered, rubbing your thighs together. Jungkook took both your nipples and pulled, making you groan around his cock. He thrust his hips into your mouth and you almost choked, hands suddenly coming up to grab his thighs. He shushed you, rubbing your nipples soothingly as he pulled out of your mouth, cock slapping your chin wetly.

“On your back. Show me that pretty pussy of yours.”

You scooted back, spreading your legs. Jungkook went to his desk, opening a drawer, watching you as you gripped each side of your thighs, spreading them further, your glistening slit out in the open. You flexed your vaginal muscles, opening and closing, making him suck a tight breath as he rolled the condom on.

“Fuck, that’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

He climbed onto the bed, trailing his eyes up to your face and your half-lidded eyes, mouth open, panting his name.

“J-Jungkook, please…”

He smiled. “What is it, noona? What do you want?”

You wiggled your hips into his bed. “Your cock, please, Jungkook, I need it…”

He smacked his length against your clit, earning a sharp gasp. You pushed your head back into his sheets, whining as Jungkook slapped your swollen clit repeatedly with his cock, hard and fast, smearing it with lubrication from the condom. He was so hard that it almost hurt if it wasn’t for the lube.

“Is this enough for you?” Jungkook taunted. “Or does my naughty girl want more?”

“I-inside, please, a-ah, Jungkook, it’s t-too sensitive.…”

He stopped for only a split second before thrusting himself inside you, hissing as you sucked him in, previous stimulations already readying you for him. You rolled your hips, arching your back and gasping his name as Jungkook began, long, deep strokes that made you clench and shudder, aching for more. But before you could say anything, a familiar weight landed on the bed near your head.

Your eyes widened seeing Taehyung’s naked body, strong and handsome, tan skin glowing. His stoic, almost arrogant expression burned into your memory as he hovered over you, stroking his cock leisurely. He pressed it against your cheek, the warm, velvety head smearing pre-cum against your cheek. You tried to turn, but he used his free hand to hold your head still, shutting his eyes as he enjoyed himself.

“Fuck, even your cheek is so soft…” he murmured.

You whined but he shushed you, pressing a finger to your lips as he stroked himself faster, harder, Jungkook deep strokes sliding you up and down the bed. He used your face to stimulate the head, your lips, your cheeks, rocking his hips, smacking you in your face with his balls. Over and over as Jungkook thrust into you, watching your wanton expression as Taehyung’s pre-cum coated your skin. You could hear Taehyung’s breathing becoming shallow, clenching his jaw and closing his eyes.

“Gonna cum on your pretty tits, noona,” Taehyung murmured. “All over your tits, and then I’m going to fuck your mouth.”

You whimpered, watching his shoulders tense as he raised himself over you, Jungkook still fucking you agonizingly slowly, his thick cock stretching you out as Taehyung sucked in a breath, hissing your name tightly. You could only watch, breathless, as white strings squirted out, smacking you hotly in the chest with his thick cum, shuddering as you felt it spread out like fucking cake icing on your nipples and breasts. Jungkook moaned, watching the cum drip downwards, all over your skin.

“Open up,” Taehyung commanded and you opened your mouth. He slid in, readjusting himself so that he was above your head, legs on either side of you, facing Jungkook. He filled your mouth, almost too much even though he just orgasmed. You had to push your head up so he sank deeper into your throat, sticky from Taehyung’s cum soaking into your chest.

Oh, fuuuuck.

Stuffed from front to back, tits covered in cum, neck and back arched uncomfortably to accommodate the two cocks spearing into you, pussy throbbing and orgasming at the thought alone. And feeling it, oh God, feeling so full, so dirty, so used by both Taehyung and Jungkook at the same time made your eyes roll back into your head, tightening the muscles of both holes, muffled moans as you heard Jungkook grunt with effort and Taehyung’s hiss of pleasure. Taehyung controlled the pace as he fucked your face, carefully thrusting into your throat, staring at Jungkook’s dark hair bouncing as he fucked you.

Jungkook seemed to feel his gaze. He looked up.

Taehyung cocked an eyebrow at him.

Then he grabbed Jungkook’s head and forced it down, Jungkook’s eyes widening as he watched your cum-covered tits bounce back and forth, hard nipples swaying in the air. He rammed his hips into you and you whimpered, breasts bouncing harder so he fucked you even rougher, fascinated. Wet, lewd slapping sounds as he watched Taehyung’s cock disappear and reappear from your throat, covered in saliva, so messy that you were drooling down your chin, whining as you gripped his sheets. He felt liquid leaking down his thighs from your orgasms, your pussy clenching around him.

It was so much, so fucking much, Jungkook lifting your legs so he could go deeper, rubbing against your clit punishingly as Taehyung fucked your mouth, his tense thighs indicating that he was close. It made your entire body strain with effort and pleasure, head empty except chasing your orgasm over and over, smitten with the idea of being used like a fucktoy.

“S-so fucking good,” Taehyung groaned. “Such a good girl, taking so much cock all at once.”

“Fuck, I’m going to–”

But Jungkook didn’t get to finish because you wailed around Taehyung’s cock, pussy throbbing as you came, ripping his orgasm from him. He gasped sharply, slamming into you as his cock jerked into your walls, pulsing with you, gripping his entire length. So tight, but soft, his eyelids fluttering at the experience.

It only took Taehyung a few more pumps before he moaned your name, spilling down your throat, almost falling onto Jungkook as you sucked it out of him, swallowing greedily. He inhaled sharply as he snapped his head down to watch your throat constrict repeatedly, drinking it all and squeezing the head with your lips. Taehyung taped your side repeatedly, trying to get you to release him.

“Please, noona, too s-sensitive…”

You unlocked your jaw, gulping a huge vat of air as you realized you could breathe again. Taehyung pushed himself off you, falling against the wooden headboard as Jungkook carefully pulled out. You whined at the loss, back and neck aching. Every nerve hummed, brimming with pleasure, shaking you to your core.

It was glorious.

You panted, lowering your head to look down at Jungkook, dark eyes flashing as sweat from his angular jaw dripped onto your legs. He smirked at you, peeling the condom off and wrapping his hand around his still-hard, slick cock. Your breath caught in your throat as he began to furiously jack himself off, scooting on his knees to get closer to you, right in between your legs.

“J-Jungkook…”

The mole under his chin winked at you as he grinned. “Do you love it when you’re covered in cum, noona?” he panted, licking his lips. “Do you love it when Taehyung and I cum all over you?”

You moaned, your hands sliding up your breasts, smearing Taehyung’s drying cum even more, pinching your nipples as Jungkook gasped, pupils blown wide, eyes locked on your every move.

“Yes, Jungkook, I love it. I love being covered in your and Taehyung’s cum.”

He hissed, hips rocking into his hand as you made your lewd, obscene noises, body shaking as you waited for him. It didn’t take him very long before he groaned, towering over you as it shot out of him, showering you with creamy, salty strings of his orgasm. You dipped your fingers into it, scooping it into your mouth, sighing in satisfaction as Jungkook’s taste mixed with Taehyung’s in your throat, eating up as much a you could, and wiping the rest on your skin, relishing in the dirty act.

You were already prepared to do it again.

You heard Jungkook stumble off to the bathroom as you laid there, panting.

"Are you happy?" Taehyung asked, reaching down to pat your head.

You grinned, bending your head back to look up at him upside down. He seemed surprised at your energy but smiled as you licked your lips, eyes clouded with lust.

"So, so happy, Taehyungie."

He chuckled, dark eyes gazing into yours. You sensed a shift in his demeanor. For some reason, a calm, comforting feeling came over you when Taehyung looked at you. He bent down, his hands cupping your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks. He whispered your name, low and secretive, sending a shiver down your spine. You stared into his neck, watching his Adam’s apple bob as he spoke. His breath against your lips, tickling them.

"I’ll give you whatever you want."

You blinked slowly, lips parting. Now his lips were even closer, touching yours.

"I'll do everything in my power to satisfy you."

And then Taehyung kissed you, intoxicating you with his touch, his scent, his intensity of his lips against yours, tongue thrusting into your mouth. You moaned, thighs rubbing together, clutching Jungkook's sheets, your body trembling as you kissed him. He held you protectively, fingertips pressing into your skin.

"Damn, do you two need a room?" came Jungkook's amused voice.

You broke the kiss softly, pecking Taehyung on the nose lightly before sliding down to Jungkook’s playful expression at the foot of the bed. He was holding a towel, raising at eyebrow at you. You sat up, grinning far too wide, making his smile falter a bit.

“Uh oh.”

“Come here, Jungkookie…”

“Please, we’re only men–gah!”

The next day, you dragged a seat next to Taehyung's gaming chair. He looked up as you sat down, still scrolling with his mouse.

"What's up?" he asked. His voice was smooth, even. He gave you a quizzical look as you laid your head against his shoulder. "You want to fuck again?" he added, smirking.

"No," you pouted, nestling your head on his shoulder. He was reading the new set of League of Legends patch notes. "Just want to be near you."

You saw the reflection of his smile in the computer monitor. He reached over and patted your head, making you hum in bliss. You two stayed like that for a moment, him scrolling periodically as he read, your head against his shoulder.

Jungkook popped in, wearing a leather jacket over his white hoodie and jeans. He waved a USB drive.

"Gotta drop this off. I'll be back," he said merrily to Taehyung before leaning down to kiss you on the cheek. You turned your head, meeting his lips, and snuck your tongue into his mouth.

Jungkook pulled back quickly, narrowing his eyes at you. "No. Bad girl."

You blinked innocently at him. "What'd I do?"

Jungkook glared at you, trying not to smile. "I have things to do. Let me kiss you normally."

Taehyung laughed deep from his chest, rumbling his shoulder you were leaning against. "Good luck with that."

Your smile widened. Smugly.

Too smugly.

Jungkook backed away, pointing a finger at you. He was smiling too now, playful and mirthful.

"Later, you horny little seductress."

He left, winking.

Taehyung patted your head again, his large hand massaging your scalp.

"You sure you don't want to fuck?" he teased.

continuation: christmas eve

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #taehyung x reader #bts smut #jungkook smut #taehyung smut #jungkook x you #taehyung x you #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #kim taehyung x reader #kim taehyung x you

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amour-de-tous · 4 years ago

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Finally, the update on my health

TW: lots and lots and lots of talk about health, and bad health, in particular, below. So I know I never really updated everyone on What Was (is) Going On With My Health. It’s been a huge mess, and I run out of spoons every day just trying to eat meals at the right times to take my meds. Shortest version possible (believe it or not): at the end of May last year, 2019, pretty much all my joints and extremities swelled up unbelievably. Like I couldn’t put my feet on the floor because they were so swollen it felt like the skin would split open. I had to sit in a chair all day with my feet elevated on a stool and pillows just to keep them from continuing to swell, and I had to sleep with pillows under my feet to keep them from swelling more during the night. I say “sleep” loosely, because I was getting about an hour to two hours of very interrupted sleep every night. The swelling was so bad that just to leave my chair where my feet were elevated, and go sit at the table to eat meals, my feet would swell so bad it was hard for me to walk from the table back to my chair. Then my hands started going numb and tingly, but not in a “my hands are asleep” kind of way, but more an “this is excruciatingly painful but I still can’t feel my hands” kind of way. I couldn’t close my hands into a fist, and I couldn’t open my hands either, they were frozen in a sort of half curled position. There were several weeks where I couldn’t hold a fork or spoon to feed myself. There were months upon months were I couldn’t brush or wash my hair by myself. I spent months with my hands/wrists/feet/ankles packed in ice every 20 minutes to try to control the swelling. I also had this awful brain fog situation where I couldn’t focus on anything. Even if I had been able to hold a book, tablet, or phone (which I couldn’t, because my hands were so bad), I couldn’t read because I had absolutely zero concentration or focus or comprehension. Even watching TV was almost impossible because I would zone out and come back to awareness and so much time had passed I’d have no idea what was going on. I literally spent three or four months just sitting in that chair in pain, staring at the ceiling, crying on and off. So, so much more below the cut.

I could barely attend my niece and nephews baptism. We were there for as long as it took for the actual service to happen, and while I tried to stay for the meal and gifts and such, I was in such excruciating pain--and using a cane to even be able to walk--that we had to leave early. My niece’s 4th birthday was a few weeks later, in late June, and again I was there with a cane and in excruciating pain. I’m my niece’s favourite person and having to tell her Auntie couldn’t get down and play with her, or hold her, was terrible. By the end of June, my PCP had run enough tests to be outside his area of knowledge and referred me out to a rheumatologist. The earliest the one I wanted to see could see me was January. This was the first week of July. So I looked around for whoever could see me first and chose them. The soonest someone could see me was, unfortunately, on my birthday last year, July 15th. So I spent my birthday seeing the rheumatologist, being diagnosed with carpal tunnel, tendinitis, and what he suspected was rheumatoid arthritis. Once I left his office, I spent my birthday getting bloodwork (8 vials, yikes, which continued monthly for the remainder of 2019), and then getting fitted for a set of wrist braces that I would have to sleep in for maybe the rest of my life, and wear during the day when the pain was so bad. The rheumatologist literally said to me “well, none of your labwork confirms this and we don’t really know, but we’re gonna treat you as if you had rheumatoid arthritis”. Although he kept running tests to try to confirm the RA, he didn’t look anywhere else to try and figure out what I actually have. So they started me on medication(s), and referred me to occupational therapy and physical therapy. I was so bad when I started going that my PT consisted of sitting in a chair and (trying) to flex my ankles in different directions, and then a lymph massage to try to reduce swelling. My occupational therapy, when I started, consisted of trying to pick up pieces of sponges and put them in a cup. I was so bad that was actually almost impossible for me. They also referred me out to have a nerve conduction test, where they stuck needles all through my arms and electrified them. It was the worst thing ever, let me tell you. Then I got referred to a hand surgeon (who is lovely, actually) for surgery. He decided to hold off on surgery and see if steroid shots would help (they did, to an extent, and I am so grateful for that). Fast forwards through months and months of testing and bloodwork and physical and occupational therapies and medications, and the swelling had reduced enough that I could stand up or walk to the bathroom or eat dinner without swelling up so bad anymore. Being at PT and OT still meant I came home and had to pack my feet and wrists in ice and elevate to take care of the extra swelling, but it was better. Not good, not right, but better. Fast forward more, still, and it’s December. At that point I could stand long enough to help cook dinner, or even run an errand or two before I was in too much pain and had to sit and elevate again. In mid-March they released me from PT and OT. Not because I was better--I still couldn’t (and can’t, now) bend my wrists at all--but because the prescription had run out. I’d basically used all the allotted amount I had. This ended up being alright in the long run, since aside from one trip to the lab for bloodwork, I haven’t left my house since my last day of OT on March 13th, due to Covid. Turns out having an auto-immune disease and being on immunosuppresants makes you REAL high risk for Covid, and I’m just not playing that game. At the beginning of April, I finally got to see the rheumatologist I WANTED to see all along (via video visit! Didn’t even have to leave my house and be exposed!). She’s awesome and is really set on finding an ACTUAL diagnosis for me and not just saying “we don’t know”. Had 9 vials taken from me in her first round of bloodwork, and then she said it looked like it could be Lupus and did more tests. She’s now pretty certain I DON’T have Lupus OR rheumatoid arthritis. I had an appointment with her at the very end of July (video, again), and it turns out she thinks I have something called sarcoidosis. This is going to require a CT scan, for my lungs and heart, to see if the disease is in them. Evidently with this particular auto-immune disease, your body overreacts and encapsulates what it thinks are dangerous foreign bodies (but really are just part of your own immune system) and creates “granulomas” around them. Basically think of an oyster creating a pearl around an invading body, except in this case instead of pearls, I have lumps of stuff that hurts me. Horrifying to know I have to walk into a hospital at this point in time, of my own free will. Like I said before, aside from one set of bloodwork, I haven’t been exposed or been out where I could be exposed at ALL. All that goes out the window once I walk into a hospital for a CT scan. :\ After the CT scan, depending on the results, there’s other tests I’ll need. Chest x-rays, EKGs, pulmonary function tests, lung biopsies (YIKES) and others. She seems fairly confident that this is the correct diagnosis for me, but wants confirmation and also to see progression of disease. At any rate, she’ll be changing my medication. Which sucks for so many reasons, not the least of which is I just picked up 360 tablets of it that I now won’t be taking. :| Also the fact that now I get to try a new medication and do the “am I having side effects or am I just anxious” song and dance. She’s also talking about needing to put me on steroids which I am REALLY unhappy about. I suppose it’s better to go on steroids than to die, but I’m still really unhappy about it. In other, related news, I’ve developed hypercalcemia. Which means there’s too much calcium in my blood, which can cause a HOST of other problems. So I’ve been put on a no-dairy, low calcium diet. Do you know how many items have calcium in them? Almost everything, that’s what. Also, they fortify all the non-dairy “milk” products with calcium. They all have as much or MORE calcium than dairy milk. It’s been a NIGHTMARE, to the point where I’m actually afraid of food now. I’m obsessively reading labels and doing research online. “How much calcium is in 81 grams of kiwi, after all?”. Nightmare. Dairy was my #1 love and foodgroup, and having to suddenly figure out all new things to eat and ways to cook while simultaneously being in pain and *exhausted* 24/7 because auto-immune is not. fun. at. all. It’s already all my energy every day to help make, eat, and clean up a meal. I literally have to sit in my chair after a meal with my feet elevated to recover. Now having to spend all this energy on a whole new diet plan is a nightmare. Basically this whole thing has been a MESS. It’s been 15 months, I’ve been being treated for the wrong disease for 14 months, the news I’m getting now is worse than the news that flattened my emotional response all those months ago, I still can’t function, and I can’t work. Oh, yeah. I haven’t played an instrument since May 2019. My whole life revolved around my music, and now I can’t even play to make myself feel better, because my hands don’t work. I’ve also been out of work since then, too: my last concert was April 2019. I haven’t made any money since. But I have had co-pays out the wazoo! Which reminds me that they raised the price on two of my meds, because of course they did. Thanks, congress. This has been really, really hard. My anxiety has skyrocketed through this, and my depression isn’t doing much better. Although physically I’m not as bad as I was, I’m nowhere near normal, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back to my normal again, either. The best I’m hoping for at this point is to be able to eat calcium again someday, to not have my organs eaten up by this disease, and to continue existing. It’s been exhausting. It really, really has. That’s not to mention the added stress and anxiety over Covid, and the fact that neither mom nor I can even go to a grocery store because of my high-risk status. We’re averaging getting groceries about once a month right now. It’s super fun now because I have to read the label on EVERYTHING but Aldi doesn’t post their nutrition labels online and!!! That means I have to either guess or not get things! Great! All this to say that I miss being on tumblr. I miss all my friends here. I miss talking to you all and being able to laugh with you and geek out. Things have been really hard for me (and there are multitudes I haven’t included in here; even if my hands would allow that much typing, I’d probably hit a character limit. Just: I miss you all. I love you. I’ve been a wreck, but I think of you all often. <3

#health stuff #diagnosis #health talk #medication talk #eating talk #uhhhh what else #needles talk #blood talk #disability talk #I'M A MESS Y'ALL #i love you and miss you #ponderings and musings #asa health stuff

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giasonesdream · 5 years ago

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Grateful, Thankful, Blessed- Whatever

Genderbent BTS Starring: Fem! Jungkook x Fem! Jimin, ft. Fem! Taehyung x Yoongi (mentioned) and Yoongi x Hoseok (mentioned) | AO3 LINK

Genre: Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers

Warning: Fingering, Cunnilingus, mentions of Polyamoury

Summary: “You’re always so soft, Ggukie.” Jimin’s words come out hushed, a whisper, only for the younger to hear. “So warm,” she continues.

Her hand is so light when it moves to Jeongguk’s neck. A hitched breath comes out automatically along with the goosebumps along the skin under Jimin’s featherlight fingertips

.“Always wanna touch you. Feel so good. Do you like when I touch you?"

Jeongguk doesn’t want to talk about it, the brace on her right wrist. It’s black and bulky, but she wants to not think about it, not talk about why she has it on to begin with.

Instinctively, however, she reaches for the door with her right hand, pauses when she remembers what her doctor had said: Do not put any pressure on it for the time being.

With a heavy sigh, she drops her hand, going in again for the door with her left hand.

“I got it,” a familiar voice calls from behind. It’s Namjoon, the guy she mildly had a crush on when she first met him. Her feelings have since then dissipated, but she would be lying if her heart didn’t flutter when he reached from behind her, long fingers clutching the brass handle and yanking the door open.

What neither of them expect, however, is that she’s standing too close to the door. Consequently, Namjoon’s act of kindness becomes that of terror when the wooden plank knocks into her face.

The pain is immediate, and Jeongguk goes to rub at her forehead, but she uses her right hand and-

“Fucking hell,” she hisses, not sure if the pain in her wrist is more potent than that of her throbbing head. She doesn’t even realize that Namjoon has taken to pulling her away from the entrance, cradling her face to assess the damage.

“Shit, I’m so sorry!” Namjoon’s voice sounds panicked, urgent. It’s wispy and deep, soothing.

Jeongguk opens her eyes, sees that Namjoon has bent to meet her height. If she still liked this guy, she would probably have a nice blush creeping up her cheeks.

Now, though, she simply rolls her eyes, pushing him out of her space. “I’m fine, Joon. Don’t worry. I won’t sue.”

He huffs out a sigh of relief, as if he’d actually been worried about that possible outcome. “Cool. So, what happened to your wrist?”

She snaps her head up, sending a glare in his direction. But her expression quickly changes when she sees the innocence in his own face. There’s no need to snap at him when he just wants to know.

“I...my wrist got stiff from playing video games. Doc said it’s some slight carpal tunnel; nothing some stretches and this brace won’t help.” Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. Jeongguk’s doctor had said that her video game activities were for sure a factor in what lead her to needing the splint in the first place.

That seems to humour Namjoon, who tries again at opening the door. They’re safe to enter this time around, and they make their way to their lecture hall. “No kidding. You can get carpal tunnel from playing video games?”

Jeongguk raises her eyebrows. You have no idea. “You can get carpal tunnel from some of the wildest shit, man.” If only he knew the real reason why she had gone to the doctor in the first place.

“How will you get through your dance classes?”

Thankfully she only had one of those this semester. She was more worried about getting through her other classes, the ones that she made a habit of taking notes in. “I’ll be fine. I only have to keep this on for two weeks. But now that you mention it,” she pauses to grin sweetly, sliding so that she’s flush against Namjoon’s side. “It would be super nice if I had a friend take notes for me in class?”

The older chuckles. “Like you don’t already copy my notes in our class regardless.”

“So, you’ll help me?”

She doesn’t need to hear the answer, trusting that she’ll have her friends to help her get through this ridiculous period in her life.

They finally make it to their lecture hall, students filtering in. They take their seats in the general vicinity near the front of the class. If Namjoon hadn’t been in this class, Jeongguk would have situated herself near the back. Math was never her strong suit, let alone theoretical math like Statistics. But it was a requirement for her while it was merely and General Education class for her senior, Namjoon.

Truthfully, Jeongguk does normally end up copying Namjoon’s notes, as it seems the professor normally goes too fast for her liking.

A student that normally sits close to the front also asks her about her wrist. And so it begins. She really rather not talk about it.

“Do I need to feed you, too?” Taehyung asks sarcastically. Her head is lowered as she examines a paper in her hand. It looks like a test she got back from her professor. All Jeongguk can see from her best friend’s furious scanning and flipping is that Taehyung seemed to have done really well on it, the feedback scrawled on the sheets saying things like “Excellent point!” or “You truly have an understanding of Carravagio”.

Jeongguk scoffs, leaning against the stone wall. “I think I can manage eating my burgers and ramyeon, Tae. But can you put my hair up for me?”

Taehyung accepts quietly, folding the test and putting it between her lips before grabbing the ponytail holder in Jeongguk’s fingers.

Jeongguk spots their spritely blonde friend heading towards them, and she waves as the shorter girl comes closer.

“Sorry you guys had to wait,” Jimin apologizes. Her eyes are already trained on Taehyung as she continues to explain. “Yoongi was late coming to meet up for our project today.”

Her eyes are accusatory, clearly assuming that Taehyung has something to do with that. The taller shrugs, taking the paper from her mouth. “I wasn’t with him today. My dick appointment is after lunch.”

“Which means no pizza for you?” Jeongguk guesses correctly, smiling when Taehyung hums in agreement. They all know that Taehyung has a sensitivity to lactose; hell, even Yoongi knows it. He’s stated time and time again that he doesn’t care, but Taehyung keeps her statement of, “I rather not have Bubbly Tummy while riding your dick”.

“So, then, why was he late?” Jimin pouts as she tries to contemplate the reason. Cute, Jeongguk thinks in her head. It’s not really a secret how whipped she is for slightly older friend. They first spoke to each other when they had a Beginner’s Modern Dance class. Park Jimin, having graduated from Busan’s most decorated performing arts school, definitely looked the part of a professional dancer. In some ways she stood out, chubby cheeks and lean features. Her curves were somehow pronounced yet soft, and Jeongguk couldn’t take her eyes off of her from the mirror reflection while their instructor introduced them to the class.

But when Jeongguk had gathered enough courage to introduce herself to the other, she was met with about as much shyness that Jeongguk had been feeling on the inside.

They became easy friends afterwards, especially since Taehyung - Jimin’s friend from high school - was Jeongguk’s roommate.

Has Jeongguk ever mentioned how lucky she is? Blessed? Whatever.

“Look, if I’m not on his dick, then he’s on Hoseok’s.” Taehyung states this matter-of-factly. Hoseok had been a new factor to the duo’s open relationship.

Rightfully so, then, that Jimin hadn’t put those two things together. “Right, Hoseok.” Then she scrunches her nose, following Taehyung as she begins to walk towards Student Center where the cafeteria is.

“Jesus, does the guy ever get to sleep? You and Hobi must be handfuls.”

Jeongguk watches as Taehyung looks down at her own chest, using her free hand to cup at one of her breasts. Just as that happens, Jeongguk feels Jimin’s arms wrap around her own. She pretends the shiver that sneaks up her spine is from the chill of the late autumn air, or that her own snicker is able to mask her tremors.

“I can’t confirm what Hoseok’s packin’, but thanks!” She turns back to flash a smile at Jimin before turning back to walk with a purpose. Right, now they’re on a time crunch, lest Taehyung be late for her rendezvous with Min Yoongi.

Jeongguk is forced to walk just a bit slower, given that Jimin clings to her arm, and she has shorter legs. Jimin has always been super touchy. So is Taehyung. Jeongguk remembers when the three of them hung out for the first time together last year, the youngest had assumed the friend duo were dating. Granted, it’s much more acceptable for girls to be touchy with each other, but they just seemed to take it to the next level, where people would stare too long at them.

But, not soon later, Taehyung came to their dorm room late into the night, sighing heavily with fresh hickies on her neck because she “met the most amazing guy”. That was when she discovered that Kim Taehyung was strictly dickly. She and Jimin were not dating; they just were super comfortable with each other and loved each other.

Jeongguk doesn’t remember when she became apart of that equation, became a person that Jimin and Taehyung considered close enough to become physically affectionate. It just felt natural when Jimin would sit on the youngest’s lap, cuddle into her side, hold her hand whenever they sat next to each other.

Now, as they walk to the student center, Jeongguk is hyper aware of the eyes that linger on them, the guys that do double takes, the ladies that stare at where they’re connected and give a curious look. People think they’re a couple. And Jeongguk isn’t ashamed of that fact.

If anything, she’s just sad that it’s not a reality.

“You gonna tell me how you messed up your wrist?” Jimin’s voice is soft, gentle. By this point, Jeongguk has gotten variations of the same question. On one hand she understands the curiosity, but she’s tired of having to lie every time. She wasn’t made for lying. She’s made for hiding. But she can’t hide the brace. It’s big and bulky.

Taehyung, seemingly not too far ahead to hear Jimin’s question, erupts in a fit of giggles, turning on her heels to walk backwards.

“Oh my god, dude, you will not believe it. Ggukie got carpal tunnel from mastur-”

“Mastering your ass at Overwatch!” Jeongguk shouts, interrupting her roommate and trying very hard to express with her stare to shut up just shut the fuck up!

Taehyung, bless her soul, has always been good at picking up on hints. Whether or not she chooses to actually play along is executively up to her, which is why it’s a relief when said sandy brown haired girl scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest.

“You’re not that good, you know. I don’t even take the game as seriously as you do.” When she bumps into a student, she bows quickly before deciding to walk properly. “Besides,” she calls from over her shoulder. “You should be grateful that I accompanied you at the hospital.”

Jimin coos, seeming to not think too hard about the strange interaction. “Ah, carpal tunnel? I should’ve known. Seokjinnie has been complaining about his wrist, too.” Kim Seokjin was the graduate student in Jimin’s Bakery Club. And Namjoon’s boyfriend (see why that crush was short-lived...aside from clearly being into Jimin- what, who said that?). “And we need him for our next fundraiser. He doesn’t have time to be out of commission.”

Jeongguk looks down at the girl clung to her, a teasing smile on her features when Jimin blinks up. “Some friend you are.” That grants her a quick slap to her backside while Jimin quickly defends her love for her senior. Again, Jeongguk is very aware of the students that pass them, eyes lingering on them.

The atmosphere of the college is fairly accepting. Being in Itaewon is like another world, one where there’s so many minds that there really isn’t a way to live here unless you can tolerate and accept others. Even still, it’s not the most common thing to see; Jeongguk understands that. She’s just thankful that she can be in an area that lets her be herself. Even if herself is fawning over her clingy friend.

She’s super grateful.

Jeongguk slams the door shut, heaving her body against it as she throws her book bag to the floor and kicks off her sneakers.

“I. Am. Over it!” Exclaims the frustrated student, each word being yelled out with more shrill. She’s met with silence and the cool surface of her door as she sinks in. In just a week of wearing the splint, she has become so much more conscientious of both the amount of people she sees and how many of those people she normally talks to on a daily basis. She couldn’t seem to catch a brea-

“Over what?”

Jeongguk jumps in her spot clinging to the door at the unexpected voice that seemed to almost meld in with the quiet of the living room.

Taehyung is sat calmly on their shared sofa, laptop perched in her lap. The room is illuminated by a table side lamp, warm yellow light in a dim space as the sun sets outside. From where Jeongguk is standing, she can see the tangles in her roommate’s hair, her glasses reflecting the light from her laptop.

“Oh, you scared me!” Jeongguk responds, clenching her chest where she can feel her heart pounding.

Taehyung shrugs, looking back at her laptop screen. “I didn’t burst through the door yelling.” Jeongguk doesn’t acknowledge her words, coming into the room to turn on an actual light and heading straight for the bathroom down the hall.

“So, what are you over?” Taehyung calls out, barely to be heard over the sound of Jeongguk rummaging for makeup wipes and her facial wash.

“This stupid brace,” she groans, ripping at the velcro that keeps it closed around her wrist. She’s allowed to take it off when washing up, thank fuck. “Seriosuly, it’s not like I broke a fucking leg or something. Why are people so fascinated?”

“We’re an ableist nation, sweetheart. You either don’t exist or you’re a spectacle.”

Jeongguk grunts. Yeah, yeah, whatever. She’s still over it. She starts taking off the little makeup she had worn for the day: her mascara, eyebrows, blush, lip gloss. She has to be even more gentle with her wrist, and that’s fucking annoying. She wouldn’t ask Taehyung to come in and help her, but it’s a tight feeling, rubbing at the product on her lashes.

She has to deal with it for another week before she can start doing her stretches. What’s worse is that she hasn’t been able to play her video games for as long as she normally would because her wrists starts to seize up. Some would probably see that as a good thing since she spends an ungodly amount of time playing them (she remembers when Namjoon outwardly expressed his inability to understand how she was even passing her classes).

And it’s the weekend. Aside from doing her homework, what else is she supposed to do? Go out and socialize? Hard pass.

Jeongguk feels betrayed, amongst everything else; betrayed by her body, betrayed by her own desires, and betrayed by that lesbian porn site she was one. Like, they had so many great videos, how was she supposed to just stop?

It just makes no sense. She had gone through the entirety of her life trying out strenuous activities. From soccer in her early childhood to biking around the neighborhood with the kids on her block, to going cliff diving with her older brother when their parents took them to Cancun when he graduated from university- she dances four days out of the week and her flicking her own goddamn bean is what threw her body over the edge?

Seriously? How fucking weak.

The sun has completely receded into the night when Jeongguk finally emerges from the bathroom. She’s quick to peel her clothes from the day off and tug on some loose sweatpants and a camisole. If she could live her life in these clothes alone, maybe she wouldn’t get so uptight.

At least, that’s Taehyung’s philosophy. Jeongguk remembers the first time she went bra shopping with Taehyung. The older never had much desire to wear such undergarments, but she liked making Yoongi weak. And from what Taehyung has told Jeongguk, who insists she never asked, Yoongi has no control when Taehyung is strapped very prettily. The lacier the better.

But, anyways.

“Jimin’s coming over soon. She was supposed to go to a get-together with her Criminal Justice class, but she rather be with us tonight. Isn’t she precious?”

“Or broke,” Jeongguk mutters when she comes out to the living room.

Taehyung makes a noise of agreement. “Either or, I’m up for a girl’s night in. But I gotta finish this assignment first. Professor Lee is such a stickler for these architecture papers. He gave me a B on the last one.”

Jeongguk would remind her friend that she has the entire weekend to perfect it, but knows it’s moot. Much unlike Jeongguk, Taehyung likes to make sure every assignment she turns in is perfect.

“It’s ‘cause I didn’t have Namjoon look over it. That’s why.” She mumbles this mainly to herself. “I can’t let that happen again.”

The younger chuckles. Between Namjoon helping Jeongguk in her classes and proofreading Taehyung’s papers, she wonders. “Is Namjoon getting paid for his services?”

“As far as I know, he’s not into the things I could pay him with.” Of course she went to sex. “Lemme know when Jimin gets here. I don’t think I’ll be able to concentrate out here while you’re cooking.”

Eyebrows raised, Jeongguk shoots a questioning glance at Taehyung, who is busy collecting all of her supplies to take into her bedroom. “Oh, I’m cooking dinner?”

“Duh. You’re the best out of the three of us. I want something sorta sweet.” She kisses the air in Jeongguk’s direction as she fades down the hallway.

“What about my wrist?”

“Ableist nation, what did I tell ya?” Then there’s the sound of her bedroom door closing, leaving Jeongguk in the living area alone.

Taehyung’s lucky Jeongguk doesn’t mind cooking. Or else both of them would be up shit’s creek because Taehyung’s culinary skills don’t graduate past basic Shin Ramyeon and boiled eggs.

Thirty minutes in and the kitchen is hot.

Jeongguk has three of the burners on the stove going and the oven finishing up roasting some vegetables. Her music is blasting from the miniature portable stereo Taehyung had gotten her as a Christmas present last year.

This is why Jeongguk never minds cooking. She gets to be left alone, doing her own thing, no one bothering her. And she wasn’t the best cook, she knows this. It became even more clear after meeting the culinary genius currently doing his graduate program for Business Management, Seokjin. She fondly thinks about the first time their group had dinner together. Namjoon had called it “Friendsgiving”, apparently a tradition in the states amongst young adults. Seokjin had been the master chef in the kitchen, Jeongguk playing the role of the sous-chef. Her senior had praised her for being a top notch assistant, which inherently lightened the blow to Jeongguk’s pride at the realization that there was something she wasn’t the best at.

She’s excited to be in the kitchen with him again, regardless.

Despite the cacophony of sounds surrounding Jeongguk, she hears the beep of their front door unlocking. Jimin greets the open area loudly, announcing her presence. Jeongguk expects Jimin to make a beeline for Taehyung’s room at the discovery that said friend is not out in the open space.

What happens, instead, is that Jeongguk feels Jimin’s arms slither around her waist from behind. Jimin is a couple of inches shorter than the youngest, which is apparent in the way that she has to stand on her toes to leave a peck on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“Ggukie, you look so good in the kitchen.” Her words come out low, practically whispering into the younger’s ear, in her skin. “Look so in your element.”

Jeongguk tries to ignore how the butterflies flurry in her stomach, how her hand clenched tight around the wooden spoon stirring the noodles in the pot.

“Is it ‘cause I’m a woman? Jimin, it’s almost 2020.” She feigns disappointment, breaking into a laugh when she hears the dramatic gasp come from the girl behind her.

Jimin releases her hold when Jeongguk turns around. She goes over to the kitchen counter where the speaker is, turning the music down so she’ll be able to talk to Jimin at a normal tone. Her hair is pulled into a half-updo, done with enough precision just to get the hair out of her face. And given from her casual athleisure apparel of a light blue crew neck and leggings, she must have came from the dance studio. That and her bare, slightly flushed face give it away.

“I brought wine,” Jimin says, nodding over to where she left the bottle of pink on the other counter space.

“Oh, so you didn’t flake out on your CJ class ‘cause you’re broke. Taehyung’s right. You are precious.”

The older scoffs, looking offended at Jeongguk’s words. “You think I only crave your food when I don’t have money for my own? And here I thought I would be baking us some cookies.”

Jeongguk turns the knob on the burner for the noodles just as the oven goes off. After checking on the vegetables, she turns off the oven, keeping them in the warm confines of the oven.

“Blush wine pairs much better with cake, Minnie. You know this.”

She doesn’t get a response, but it’s fine. Jeongguk busies herself checking on her food, the meat she has in the pan on the back burner. She thinks if she gives everything another five minutes or so, it will all be ready.

“Hey, Gguk, can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

She can feel the tension build in the silence before Jimin finally musters up the courage to ask her question. “Um...why didn’t you want me to know the real reason you hurt your hand?”

Jeongguk stops her stirring, turning to see the sullen look on the older’s face. She isn’t sure which emotion is most prevalent in the moment, so she stutters and gapes as Jimin looks to her patiently.

“It’s not...I mean...I was just embarrassed at- I mean, if Tae hadn’t been the one to take me to the hospital, I probably wouldn’t have told her the truth either.” It’s a sad excuse of an answer. She hadn’t realized that Jimin noticed anything.

“We’re close, aren’t we?” She pushes away from the counter, stepping to the side as if to give Jeongguk room to be closer to her. Like a test, almost. “Aren’t you comfortable with me?”

Jeongguk twists all the knobs, deciding the food can cook with whatever residual heat comes from the pots and pans. She proceeds to take however many steps it takes to the adjacent counter leaning back. Their arms brush against each other, extra measure for Jimin to know the answer before Jeongguk actually says it.

“Of course I’m comfortable with you, Minnie. You’re one of my best friends. Aside from Taehyung, I’m literally closer to no other human. I’m not even this affectionate with my parents. My mom’s not much of a hugger.”

Jimin seems to mull over her words. With all the stoves off, the only sound in the kitchen is the speaker, softly playing some trap mixes that Jeongguk discovered.

She decides to continue, moving her face closer to Jimin’s. “No other person I let sit in my lap. If any other person came up behind me and kissed my neck, they’d get an elbow in their face.”

“But that’s physical. People can be physically comfortable with each other without being emotionally comfortable. Like Tae and Yoongi.”

Well, Jeongguk would argue that Taehyung and Yoongi are so emotionally comfortable that Taehyung understands Yoongi’s desire to get fucked by another guy. She understands Jimin’s sentiment, though, so she leaves her thoughts in her head.

“So you’re worried that I’m not comfortable enough with you to tell you my most embarrassing secrets?”

Jimin pouts, poking out her bottom lip. She looks like a petulant child, but Jeongguk still finds it unbelievably cute. “I told you about that time when I laughed so hard I peed when I was 12 years old.”

Some of the tension has eased, and Jeongguk smirks out a laugh. She remembers when Jimin told her the story, how Jeongguk herself laughed so hard.

“Yeah, you told me about that.” The truth is that Jeongguk’s biggest secrets revolve around her friend. How she thinks about how cute Jimin is, how she wants to kiss her at those random times when the elder is glued to her; how she wants to snake her hands around Jimin’s body, grip at her waist, her ass. Her biggest secrets revolve around how she sometimes watches porn, fantasizing that it’s the two of them, Jimin bent over on the bed while Jeongguk tongues at her clit.

But who is Jeongguk to tell someone she cherishes such things? She values their friendship, loves that she has those people that she can be unabashedly affectionate to. She always feels so loved when she’s around Taehyung and Jimin. She would hate to lose that by expressing how fucking gay she is for her.

“Wanna know how I hurt my wrist?”

They’re already right up against each other, but Jimin still turns, giving her full attention to the younger. “I sort of put two and two together, but I want to hear you say it.” She holds her nose high, stubborn and in command. It makes Jeongguk smile at her fondly.

“I was...I was masturbating. I had been going at it for a few hours cause I couldn’t satisfy myself and then my wrist started cramping. The next day, Tae went with me to the clinic. I didn’t even want to tell the doctor, but she was super chill. Turns out non-stop hours of gaming then finger fucking is a recipe for disaster.”

Again, Jimin seems to take in every word, think it over. In the quiet air, there is only the heavy bass of another beat.

“Was that difficult for you? To admit, I mean.”

Surprisingly, the answer is no. Jeongguk doesn’t feel any different having told Jimin the truth. She doesn’t fear she’ll be judged. The most Jimin can do is laugh, just as Taehyung had, which hadn’t bothered Jeongguk in the slightest. It wouldn’t now. If anything, she would probably enjoy Jimin laughing at her plight, to feel the shorter throw herself into Jeongguk’s space, grip at her arm like a support because her knees sometimes went weak when she laughed too hard.

“No, actually. I’m still a bit irritated that I have to go through this, but I can’t lie,” when she glances to Jimin, the giggles begin to bubble up. “It’s kinda funny.” Slowly, a smile starts to spread on Jimin’s lips, and that only makes Jeongguk’s laughter more pronounced, more shameless. “I guess I kept that from you for nothing.”

“Seriously, I could have been coddling you way sooner.”

“Coddle?” Her laughter has since died a bit, genuine confusion taking over.

Jimin makes a cooing noise, something she seems to do often with the younger. She lifts a hand, patting softly at the side of Jeongguk’s face. “Poor baby had trouble getting off.”

“Excuse you,” Jeongguk scoffs. “I could get off; it’s just that none of them felt all that good.”

“Maybe you weren’t doing it right then,” Jimin suggests casually. Her hand slides down Jeongguk’s arm, squeezing at where her elbow rests on the counter top.

With a roll of her eyes, Jeongguk replies. “I know how to get myself off, Min. Don’t worry.”

Jimin still argues. “But maybe you need someone to help you feel good?” She ends the statement on a lilt, like she’s asking rather than saying.

It’s with Jimin so close that Jeongguk always becomes super aware of things. For instance, right now she’s very aware of Jimin’s fingers on her arm constantly moving, suddenly realizes how small the kitchen is, how they’re pressed against each other. Jimin’s leg moves upward, sliding against Jeongguk’s, one socked foot sliding under the opening of her sweat pants.

And Jeongguk is suddenly very conscious of the fact that Jimin is chewing at her bottom lip, and the younger can’t seem to look away.

She looks up just as Jimin does, having been watching her lips as well. She raises one eyebrow in question, one that Jeongguk is supposed to answer.

“Um…” is all Jeongguk can say.

The blonde continues petting at her arm while the other hand lifts up Jeongguk’s hand. She had put the splint back on after washing up in the bathroom. Jimin seems to only mind it for a second before she starts caressing Jeongguk’s fingers.

“You’re always so soft, Ggukie.” Jimin’s words come out hushed, a whisper, only for the younger to hear. “So warm,” she continues. Her hand is so light when it moves to Jeongguk’s neck. A hitched breath comes out automatically along with the goosebumps along the skin under Jimin’s featherlight fingertips.

“Always wanna touch you. Feel so good.” Her hand slides up to Jeongguk’s jaw, pulling her face closer. No later they’re practically sharing the same breath. When Jimin looks into her eyes again, Jeongguk thinks she could fall into a crumpled mess right there. This girl has such a strong effect on her. It’s almost too much when not being enough. “Do you like when I touch you?”

Jeongguk can’t even begin to think, still trying to wrap her brain around the way Jimin is touching her, pulling her in. Just how Jeongguk can’t remember when Jimin started openly being affectionate with her, the younger can barely remember when she realized she liked the blonde. It just sort of happened. Like, one day came, Jimin was attached to her side, and Jeongguk felt the urge to reciprocate, to pull Jimin in like how the older is doing in this moment. And Jeongguk has known she likes girls for some time, since her Sophomore year of high school, helping one of her friends practice for a play she was in. The lead, one that had a kiss near the finale of the play. Her friend hadn’t thought much of it, but Jeongguk thought about it for days, nights, weeks, months. She thought about it until a girl on her softball team kissed her in the locker room.

She’d been comfortable in her sexuality, but never outwardly expressive of it. She never came out to her parents nor her brother. But one day, Jeongguk brought her girlfriend home to meet her parents; announced her as her girlfriend. And four months after they broke up, Jeongguk met a boy at the convenient store her mom always told her to go to when they needed something quick. The guy worked there, was smitten with how Jeongguk shyly put her tampons on the counter along with the medicine shots. Not much later after that, Jeongguk would tell her parents whenever she was going on a date with her boyfriend.

Neither of those relationships lasted over six months, not that Jeongguk cared. She wasn’t regretful of the time she spent with either of them. They made her feel good in the moment, allowed her to learn what she liked and did not like.

And she really liked Jimin.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk finally answers, breathy and shaky with her exhale. She’s still uncertain of how real everything is, but in the spirit of what they just spoke about, Jeongguk finds herself admitting to more. “Really like it when you touch me.”

“Why don’t you ever touch me back?” There is the slightest pout again. Jimin is good at that. In the year Jeongguk has gotten to know Park Jimin, she knows that the older is a bit of a brat, used to getting her way to some extent. Must come with being an only child.

“Didn’t wanna scare you away.” Jeongguk never hid her sexuality, and her friends found out about her sexual attraction to girls about as anticlimactically as her parents had. The trio had gone to a party hosted by Jimin and Jeongguk’s dance class. It was at their senior’s, Hoseok, apartment. It was at that party that Jeongguk had ended up dancing with some girl from a ballet class, and not long after, Jeongguk had said girl pinned to the wall, the two of them slightly intoxicated but making out nonetheless.

And when Jeongguk had found Taehyung and Jimin later that night, they only screamed at Jeongguk for not telling them sooner.

And since Jimin knew Jeongguk was sexually attracted to girls, the latter didn’t want Jimin to become worried that Jeongguk was coming onto her. Sure, she liked the blonde but, again, she values their relationship.

Which is way the younger is freaking out because Jimin keeps moving her eyes between her lips and her eyes. That’s the only reason, of course.

“Do you want to touch me, Ggukie?” She wants an answer. Jeongguk can hear it in her tone. But she’s back to pulling at Jeongguk’s jaw. Their lips are just a breath away at this point.

Jeongguk thinks she nods, or maybe makes some type of noise in acknowledgement, but before she can think about it, Jimin has their lips pressed together.

It’s hesitant, at first. And the younger is frozen in her place when Jimin pulls away. She’s still unsure if this is happening. Maybe she fell asleep on her bed after she got home.

A dream would mean she could do whatever she wanted. But a dream would also mean her wrist wouldn’t still be fucked.

She’s not sure if it’s confidence or trust, but Jeongguk surges forward, hand grabbing blindly for Jimin’s waist to pull her close. And she kisses back desperately.

Jimin’s hand finally leaves her arm, moving to wrap around the back of Jeongguk’s neck. With her hand there and the other still cradling her jaw, Jeongguk would have a hard time pulling away if she wanted to.

She doesn’t.

The hand at her jaw starts to move lower, pausing at her neck as she pulls away from the kiss. Jeongguk chases after her lips, not wanting it to stop so soon, but Jimin’s eyes are glued to where her hand creeps down the younger’s chest.

“Always so soft,” Jimin whispers. “No matter where I touch you.” And suddenly, she’s pulling Jeongguk in for another kiss.

The younger can barely breathe, unable to catch her breath as Jimin’s hand goes further down, falling down the valley of her breast just to come back up and cup her in her small hand. It eggs Jeongguk on more, makes her desires push to the surface. She moans when her own hand goes to grab at the olders ass, squeezing as much as she can, pulling her impossibly closer. Thank fuck for leggings.

The fire in her belly flares when Jimin starts to kiss at her neck, biting at the skin at her collarbone. The older keeps going, following the path her hand took until she got to her chest. She pulls at the top of the black camisole, pulling the stretchy fabric until her chest is exposed.

The kitchen is still warm, but the fire prickles under Jeongguk’s skin, and she moans wistfully when Jimin starts licking at one of her nipples, circling her tongue until it’s a hard peak. The younger can only card her fingers through the blonde tresses. She works on moving Jimin in front of her, grabbing at her thigh until their legs are slotted in between each other’s.

When Jimin bites down harshly, Jeongguk’s hips thrust forward. “Minnie.”

“This okay?” she asks as she brings her lips back to Jeongguk’s open mouth. She takes the opportunity, slipping her tongue and sucking at Jeongguk’s swollen bottom lip.

“So okay, yeah,” Jeongguk gets in between kisses. It’s so hungry, their movements, while somehow being gentle...soft, as Jimin has been saying.

“Think I could get you off? Make you feel good?” Just as she says these words, her hand trails lower, quick to slip under the band of her sweatpants. She goes to cup the younger’s core over her panties, and Jeongguk feels too close already.

She could make the excuse of it being a while, that she had never been able to satiate herself since getting her wrist checked out. But the truth of the matter is that this is Jimin, and she has a feeling that anything Jimin does could make her feel good.

Jeongguk’s hips move as Jimin presses her fingers at the folds, still covered by her underwear. It feels so good, Jeongguk moans into their kisses, letting Jimin swallow up the sounds.

“Ggukie,” Jimin moans into her ear. “You’re already so wet. Fuck, wanna feel you.”

It all happens too fast, Jimin sneaking her hands under her panties, her mouth going back to suck at Jeongguk’s other breast. She’s always been sensitive in her nipples, a fact that her sexual partners have taken advantage of before. Her knees grow weak suddenly, she’s forced to drop Jimin’s leg so she can use her good hand to keep herself stable.

“Fuck, fuck, Jimin fuck!” Jimin’s using Jeongguk’s own fluids to help make her fingers wet while she massages at her clit. It feels like too much, but Jeongguk doesn’t want any of it to stop. When she thinks she has her bearings she pulls at Jimin’s face, dragging her lips up to kiss her. It grounds her a bit, to be able to focus on the older’s lips. Already, just by the way she moves her tongue in Jeongguk’s mouth, she’s probably amazing at eating out. And really, she shouldn't be thinking about that because Jimin’s rubbing at her folds with two fingers, threatening to push them in while her thumb rubs at her bundle of nerves.

The moans are endless, so close she can almost taste it. “I...Jimin, I’m gonna-”

When Jeongguk looks down, the sight of Jimin’s hand down her pants is the final straw. Her jaw goes slack as her eyes close, any scream that wants to come out gets stuck in her throat, and suddenly he’s cumming, her orgasm feeling like it’s being pulled out of her from depths she hadn’t known existed.

Her breaths are shaky and high when she comes down enough to feel Jimin’s fingers still rubbing at her pussy. She’s going slow, but Jeongguk can already feel the fire whirring again. She smashes her face into Jimin’s hair, softly moaning her name while she tries to get a handle on her breathing.

“Did I do good?” The innocense on the older’s face is almost torture, the smugness behind it captivating.

That was another thing about Jimin. Jeongguk knew the girl loved to be praised, to be told when she was doing well. It always came out during their dance classes, whenever they would go out and Jimin took the longest to get ready. She had to be jaw-dropping, heart-stopping, breath-taking at all times. And she needed people to tell her that.

Jeongguk has no qualms with praising her.

“Jimin you were so good. Fuck,” she stops herself, pressing her lips to the blond. She’s still rubbing at core, her fingers coming past her oversensitive clit. As much as Jeongguk wants to ask for more, she wants to do what she’s been longing to do for so long.

Touch her.

“Get on the counter,” Jeongguk commands in a rush, pushing at Jimin’s hand, trying to maneuver her quickly. She wishes she could undress, take her time with her, bite and suck at her thighs. But she needs to return the favour, wants to get her mouth on her, eat her up.

Jeongguk acts fast, ignoring the pain in her wrist and grabbing onto the backs of Jimin’s thighs so she can deposit her onto the counter top.

“Fuck, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this,” Jeongguk groans out, biting at the soft skin of Jimin’s neck. She feels the shorter jerk forward, needing back the friction she had gotten used to.

“Do what, Ggukie?”

She can hear it in Jimin’s voice, hears that she knows what Jeongguk is talking about. But if Jimin wants her to spell it out, who is she to say no?

“Touch you, taste you.” She presses her lips to Jimin’s ear while she tugs at the waistband of Jimin’s leggings. This close, Jeongguk can smell the faintest bit of soap. It makes sense. Jimin hates the feel of being sweaty. She probably showered at the rec center where the dance studio is. “Wanted to keep you in bed and eat you for hours.” She gets a whimper in response, and fuck the noises the older makes are so tantalizing. “Love watching you in class. Think about bending you over the ballet bar.” A moan from her own throat interrupts her. The thoughts she’s had for months coming back to her as she says them. “God, Jimin. Just wanna make you scream.”

“So do it, then.” Jimin has lifted up enough to help Jeongguk get her pants down. Now Jeongguk is kissing down her body, haphazardly pushing up her shirt and finding a cursed sports doing its job and holding Jimin’s boobs in. The nerve.

“Can’t. Taehyung’s in her room.”

For someone that had been so arrogant, so dirty and predatorial not even 2 minutes before, her eyes bug out, the shock and fear in her face very amusing to the younger who smirks as she gets on her knees.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Gguk?”

Jeongguk shrugs, yanking the offending fabrics down and past one of her ankles. Now that she’s freed from the confines of her leggings, Jeongguk’s hands roam, gripping at her thighs. Shit, is she salivating? Right, she asked a question.

“Was too preoccupied. Sorta forgot.” It seems like a good enough answer for her. She pulls Jimin closer to the edge of the counter, running her lips up the insides of Jimin’s thigh. She feels like silk, but the way her thigh jerks at the movement makes the muscles underneath more prominent. It just turns Jeongguk on more, to know that someone can be so soft but this strong. She wants to go at her in every way possible, listen to her squeal and beg for more while her body tells her it’s time to stop.

The prize is right there, wet, pink and groomed. To tease Jimin more would be torture on Jeongguk as well at this point. But she wants this to be good, wants to feel Jimin cum on her tongue, feel her thighs tremble around her head.

There’s a hand in her hair, tugging to move Jeongguk’s head in the right direction. “Jeongguk,” she moans. The younger thinks it’s a warning for her to get to the good part, but suddenly she hears, “You taste so good.” And Jeongguk finally pulls back to look up.

Jimin has her fingers in her mouth, the hand she used to get Jeongguk off. If Jeongguk wasn’t already on her knees…

She sticks her tongue out, laving a broad lick against Jimin’s folds. She was already wet, and Jeongguk is only making it messier. She spends a while just licking, always making sure to flick her tongue up once she gets to her clit. Jimin has one foot propped on the counter, giving Jeongguk more room to work with. She falls into the sounds around her, the melody of Jimin's airy moans and grunts. Sometimes the younger will switch to just sucking on the bundle, and she revels at how Jimin seems to shy away from the sensation, just to drag Jeongguk’s face along with her.

Jeongguk takes her grip on Jimin’s other thigh, tugging at it so she can be in the right angle as she starts fucking her tongue inside, her chin getting slick from her folds.

“Ggukie,” the blonde whines, struggling to keep herself upright. Her breathing is uneven, thighs trembling. When she looks down, the younger is looking up at her, and it’s so fucking hot she can’t handle it.

When her hips start to move too wildly, searching for any and all pleasure, Jeongguk throws her arm around her waist, keeping her in place as she doubles down with her tongue. Hearing the splitting shriek does as much to her as feeling Jimin’s walls clamp around tongue. She can’t help but groan, wanting to snake a hand down to rub at herself.

That’s what she does, using her left hand to rub messily at her already wet core, her panties already ruined and drenched. She starts to hear Jimin beg, the fingers in her hair pulling harshly.

“Please, Gguk- please please please I’m so close,” she ends on a sob, her head falling back.

Jeongguk fucks her with her tongue, moving her head as her nose rubs against Jimin’s abused clit. She can feel the elder clenching, drawing tight around her.

Jimin releases with a steady curse, wispy and dazed as muscles contract. Seeing her blissed out expression, neck and cheeks red, is what helps bring Jeongguk over again. She presses her forehead to the wet inside of Jimin’s thigh, riding out the wave. The air seems to cool around her, listening to Jimin catch her breath.

“You taste good, too.” Jeongguk chuckles, finally standing up. With Jimin sitting there, they’re at eye level with each other, which makes it easier to lean in and kiss her. She swallows down the moan Jimin emits when she tastes herself on Jeongguk’s tongue. “Feel fucking phenomonal, too.”

Jimin giggles lightly as Jeongguk drags her nails into her hips, trailing down to her thighs, keeping them close together.

They share the silence save for the low music. It seems so natural and comforting to be entwined like this, feeling Jimin’s chest move against her own. She can’t stop caressing her skin, can’t stop moving her hands.

“Did you know?” Jeongguk pulls back and meets Jimin’s eyes. “Did you know that I liked you?” Jeongguk isn’t sure how she would feel if she found out Jimin knew about her feelings all this time. Whether that would make her fragile pride crumble or not.

Jimin rests her arms on Jeongguk’s shoulders. “I knew I was special to some extent. I noticed how you acted around others. Even with Jin and Yoongi, you don’t always accept any affection they give to you. Not that Yoongi is big on touching in the first place but- No. I didn’t really know you saw me as anything other than your best friend.”

Jeongguk feels like she has a million questions: what does this mean, then? Does Jimin want to date her? Or does she just want to fuck? Was she even into girls?

“So...you’re not straight?” Given from the confused expression Jimin gives, Jeongguk didn’t really word that correctly. “I just mean...do you know you’re not straight or are you trying to figure it out?”

“Ah, okay.” She smiles gently. “Yeah, so, when Tae and I were, like, seventeen, I told her that I thought I might be into girls. And it may be hard for you to believe, but I didn’t used to be such a touchy person. I always appreciated physical touch, but I used to never openly display it like I do now.

“But when I became friends with Tae, I became so comfortable with her that I would cling to her. It didn’t dawn on me until one of our other friends asked if we were dating that it even looked like we were more than friends. And I seriously wondered if I was sexually attracted to her or if I just felt comfortable enough. So when I told her I thought I might be into girls, she allowed me to experiment with her.”

Jeongguk can picture it, the friend duo at that age, awkward and trying to figure things out. It’s endearing and enthralling. “And, what was the result?” She asks, as if she isn’t already aware of Taehyung being completely hetero.

“She wasn’t into it, but I was. I wasn’t hurt when she told me she felt nothing, and she was so comforting and kind when I broke down crying because I was the one that was different. From the moment I met Taehyung, she always wanted to make me feel like any other person, and that carried over into discovering I was sexually attracted to girls.” She pauses, eyes a little glassy as she seems to remember the scenario. She huffs out a laugh. “It’s actually super funny because I started bawling in her tiny full-sized bed. Like, dude, my tits were out and so were hers. I just cried into her chest and she let me.

“And what was even more magical was that the next day, she still came to my house to pick me up so we could walk to school. She held her arm out so I could grab onto it like I normally did. She still let me pet her hands and she still wrapped herself around me. Guys should really take notes because that’s what being comfortable with your sexuality looks like.”

Jeongguk admires Jimin, entranced in seeing the emotions change on her face. She always enjoys hearing Jimin talk, even if she doesn’t feel like responding, even if it’s about nonsense.

So now she knew that Park Jimin was a lesbian- or, at least sexually attracted to girls. So that brings up another query. “So, why did you never tell me after you found out I also like girls?”

Jeongguk can catch it, the hint of regret. It fades quickly. “At that point I had already started cuddling up to you. Guess it’s kinda like how you worried you would scare me off if I knew you were gay and you were so affectionate with me. I worried that if I had told you then, you would assume I was only acting that way towards you because I liked you or was only interested in sleeping with you.”

“And you didn’t like me?”

“Gimme a second, my butt is sticking to the counter.” Jeongguk giggles as she helps Jimin down onto her feet. Jimin pulls her leggings back on, adjusting her shirt so she looks half-way decent. It’s still evident in the redness of her swollen lips and her mussed hair, though.

“I hadn’t been sure of my feelings, and I liked having you as my friend. Just in case you didn’t like me back, I wanted to make sure I could keep our friendship regardless.”

It makes sense to Jeongguk. That’s where her earlier trust came from. It was the feeling and understanding that their friendship was strong enough by that point that they could bounce back, work through the awkward stages if it wasn’t what the other person wanted.

But Jeongguk wanted this, still wants this. And it seems that Jimin does, as well.

“I really like you, Jimin,” Jeongguk announces. “I have for some time now. I don’t even know when it started, but I just know that I have.” It felt like something that needed to be said, just in case there were any lingering doubts or misunderstandings.

“I like you, too, Ggukie. I’ve known for some time now, too.” She rises on her toes, intending to only leave a peck against the younger’s lips. But Jeongguk brings her closer, making the kiss slow and full. She thinks she could get used to kissing Jimin, but she still can’t believe this is real.

When they part, it’s calm and serene. Jeongguk is glad she can be comfortable around Jimin, likes the connection they seem to have.

“Glad you guys are finally done.”

Both Jimin and Jeongguk jump, the older letting out a surprised shriek. When they follow the voice, Taehyung is standing at the kitchen entrance, leaning against the doorway. Unlike how Jeongguk had found her earlier when she got home, Taehyung’s hair is brushed out, her glasses gone and tattered sweats traded in for nicer sweatpants and a sweater.

Her face is expressionless as it was before as she blinks. There’s some satisfaction in having gotten a reaction out of the girls in the kitchen.

“What the fuck, Tae?” Jimin exclaims. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Oh, I haven’t been standing here long, but good lord, you guys don’t know how to be quiet even if it could save your goddamn lives.” She smiles, studying the couple. “Glad you both finally came around to each other, though. Neither of you may have noticed your crush on the other but the rest of us did.”

“And all of you just watched?”Jeongguk wouldn’t put it past them, she guesses.

Taehyung hums. “What are we, twelve? You’re both grown ass women. You can figure it out for yourselves. This isn’t some cheesy rom-com. But I guess it is some low level lesbian porn.”

Jimin seems to take offense. “Tch, low level my ass.”

“Oh, speaking of your ass, I think it’s very obvious why I will not be joining you guys for dinner. And please be so kind as to clean up after yourselves.”

With that Taehyung leaves the kitchen, heading for the door. “Where are you going, then?”

“I had texted Yoongi awhile ago. I need to relieve some stress in order to focus on this paper. Just waiting for you guys to finish so I wouldn’t interrupt you.”

How sweet. “Thanks, Tae,” Jeongguk replies, sarcasm thick in her tone.

“As you should be thankful you have a friend like me. Both of you. Later!” They hear the door close behind her, leaving Jimin and Jeongguk to stand in the middle of the kitchen.

“I might need to heat the food up again, but I’m super fucking hungry.”

Jimin groans, moving to stand next to Jeongguk by the stove while she checks on the various foods. She decides to turn the burner on for the meet. “Same, I’m so hungry. Still wanna bake a cake.”

“Perfect, then I could lick the icing off of you.”

“Oh,” Jimin sings low. “Kinky already. Woman after my heart. Guess we found one good thing to come out of you getting that brace put on.”

“Huh, yeah, guess so. Guess it also makes sense that I needed to get it because I was trying to fuck myself. So I should be paid back.”

Jimin has already started grabbing bowls and plates. It feels so easy, like nothing has changed.

She’s not sure how long they stay silent until Jimin’s voice finally filters though.

“So, like, were you just fucking yourself too hard or-”

“Minnie, what the fuck?”

“No, but like, what were you watching? Was it the good shit? Do you know what the good shit is?” She gasps as a thought comes to mind. “Were you, perhaps, thinking of me?”

Jeongguk only rolls her eyes. “We can discuss it later.”

That seems to work for Jimin, who only grins widely. “Aren’t glad you have someone to help you get off now?”

Jeongguk looks down at the brace, relenting and letting out a soft laugh.

“Super grateful.”

#bts #ksmutclub #genderbent bts #fem!bts #fem!jungkook #fem!jimin #fem!taehyung #bts smut #bts fluff #jikook

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fandoms-and-flute · 6 years ago

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Post Occupational Therapy

I just finished 2 months of occupational therapy for my right hand, and as a flute player, maintaining physical health is essential to having a long-term career so here’s what I experienced and learned! and feel free to send any asks if you have any questions :)

How did you start going to Occupational Therapy? *warning this is a bit of a long explanation and US specific)

If you live in the US (specifically NJ) as a young adult, you will 100% relate that health insurance is a nightmare. I have the state insurance so for me to do anything (even go to the allergist) I need a referral from my PCP (primary care physician aka my doctor).

When I started to notice how bad my hand health was affecting my playing the FIRST thing I had to do was go to my primary doctor, and he told me that I should first see a rheumatologist (aka hand specialist). Now you can’t just get a referral no no no-- you have to spend hours calling places to find out if they 1. take your insurance and 2. have an appointment available/take new patients. How do you find these places, you ask (with no evident sarcasm)? Well let me tell you: On the very shitty healthcare website that hasn’t been updated since originally published! 🙃

Once I found a rheumatologist, I then had to go BACK to my primary doctor to get a referral. Now I was very fortunate because I was able to get an appointment within a week (usually it could take a month or more!) so I really lucked out. At that appointment, I was checked for all different problems (carpal tunnel, arthritis, etc) - I had 5+ vials of blood taken for testing and X-rays done all on that day; and the rheumatologist was the one that told me I should go to occupational therapy. But it’s not that easy (of course it isn’t, it was so stressful).

When you have the basic health insurance, it is nearly impossible to get a hold of any therapy or pain management that takes your insurance. I had to call places several times - one place that could take my insurance actually flooded and so I was borderline mental breakdown. TWO WEEKS in (3 weeks of pain), I finally found a local hospital that had a rehabilitation center that accepted my insurance. Hooray. Except it was a bit more complicated than that. My advice is to just call as many places and ask “What insurance do you guys take/Do you take ____ insurance?” because co-pays are expensive so you want that covered as much a possible!

Now that I found a place that was accepting patients and took my insurance, I had to go back to my primary doctor (for the 3rd time) to NOT ONLY get a referral. I made that mistake - I went to my first appointment with just a referral and they could talk to me, but couldn’t run any tests. Why? Because you need a referral AND a prescription 😒so I got the prescription from my primary doctor (for those keeping score, 4 visits) and FINALLY I could go to occupational therapy for 12 visits. 🎉

tldr: I took me 3 1/2 weeks to finally find an occupational therapist (4 weeks if you count when I had my first official appointment). And was a super complicated process.

Why did you go to Occupational Therapy?

For a few years, I constantly felt like my technique was suffering because of my body’s inability to keep up with the demand of the flute. It peaked this semester when I had complete numbness and pain in my right hand (specifically the wrist and the ring and pinky fingers).

Did you feel like Occupational Therapy was helpful?

Yes! I am hyper aware of my body at all times so I knew things were wrong, but I didn’t know what specifically (inside) was wrong or even how to fix it so OP helped me target specific problems and manage them. I learned stretches and exercises to manage my pain. It will still be an ongoing battle - you don’t just go to occupational therapy, do some work and then are OK for the rest of your life. It is being aware and constantly checking in and adjusting in order to manage the pain so if you are interested in going, just be aware that it is a very mentally tiring effort that will require your full involvement in order to see results.

What did you go to Occupational Therapy for?

As I said before I went for complete numbness and pain in my right hand (specifically the wrist and the ring and pinky fingers). I learned that I had carpal tunnel (which is the wrist) and cubital tunnel (which is a inflamed and pinched nerve in the elbow that affect the ring and pinky fingers).

*also, when I went back to the Rheumatologist for my results (one month later), I learned that I have osteoarthritis (in my right hand thumb) - which has no cure and is super painful. This is the type of brace that I wear to support my thumb while playing flute:

What did you learn from Occupational Therapy?

Continuing from the above question, I started with learning about the wrist/elbow. I learned that I tend to hyper/over-extend my elbow. One of the first exercises I learned that I still use daily is:

I tend to have a high body temperature so I struggle to tell when my wrist or elbow is inflamed - this exercise had helped me focus on the area (I use my other hand to massage the tendon and through touch I have learned what it feels like when my carpal tunnel is flaring up). Icing also helps a lot!

An elbow exercise I learned was:

This was targeted towards the cubital tunnel to help when I had wrist pain (on the side of the pinky/ring fingers). Because I hyper/over-extend my elbow, this exercise is targeted at activating my shoulders/trap muscles and (vocab word) serratus anterior!

One of the recent exercises I learned was one to engage this serratus anterior - facing the wall, you have to have your feet shoulder width apart or slightly wider; elbows and wrist must be against the wall (also shoulder width apart), and keep the back straight. You can do this with or without a resistance band, move your arms up, back to initial position, and down (one arm at a time, and tiny movements) - it is to focus on using the lower traps instead of compensating with the elbows.

How did Occupational Therapy help/affect your music playing?

Every time before playing I would stretch for a minimum of 5 minutes. Doing any of the stretches mentioned above, plus just general body stretches- I would also take a few minutes to focus on breathing (doing a bit of the Breathing Gym, and if you aren’t familiar check this out!!). I would also take breaks any time I felt any pain and I always have ice and an ice pack with me. Primarily I would ice my wrist and elbow depending on the pain (and I would stretch).

As previously mentioned, I wear a thumb brace when I play. However, when I’m just going about my day (typing, writing, sleeping) I also have to take care in order to maintain my hand’s health. This requires me wearing a brace for my carpal tunnel:

I literally wear this anytime I sleep, write or type because it prevents me from curving my wrist in a way that causes inflammation. (General health throughout the day is connected and essential to maintaining playing health!!!).

Also, this is probably my favorite thing to come from OP, I present to you... the ELBOW PILLOW:

(Yes, that is a rolled up scarf that is tied with a hair tie.) This is a great way to engage the serratus anterior, rather than use my elbow (it must be held, it can’t be suspended by a strap or belt). And it reminds me to bring my elbow down and back.

If you were to see my practice notebook, you would see me writing EVERY DAY the same posture mantra: shoulders down and back, elbows down and released, hips and shoulders even, and lift the neck. It is a huge learning curve that will take time to become habit, but right now I’m still fighting my body have better posture.

What was a regular appointment of Occupational Therapy like and how often did you go?

I went to OP only once each week (because I’m a very busy college student with no time for life outside of school), however, I was recommended to go twice a week!

Every time that I went (after the initial measuring appointment), I arrived 10 minutes early to have paraffin wax on my hand and then I would sit with the paraffin and a HUGE heating pad for 10 minutes. In the beginning half of OP, I had the elbow, wrist, and forearm massaged to break up knots - and my therapist taught me how to find tension spots and how to break knots without hurting myself. In the later half of OP, I would do various exercises such as: 1. a noodle that I would have to bend up or down (to activate the shoulders/back instead of my elbows), 2. putty (yes actually putty) to smush with my fingers for carpal tunnel, 3. using a rolled up towel against my back (to be flat against) to pull back my shoulders, 4. modifications (next ask!), and 5. learning a bunch of different stretches.

What kind of modifications did you learn from Occupational Therapy outside of music?

For writing... I am a mess. I wear the carpal tunnel brace because my wrist wants to curve. I need to write at an angle to the desk (both my body and the paper). I have a pencil/pen grip that allows me to curve my thumb in rather than the hitch hiker thumb, and use my index finger. Also, I have to write at a slant using a binder to help my wrist’s angle.

Before: (my thumb would go under my hand and I would rest the pen/pencil on the webbed part of my hand.. essentially no support).

After: (my wrist is forced to be straight by the paper being at an angle. The black thing on the pencil is the grip that has grooves for my fingers so there is more control) - and the pencil is no longer resting in the webbed part.

For typing... I am beyond a mess (I don’t know how this happened, I grew up with all those typing CD-roms... but I type with only 2 fingers, maybe 3 in each hand. I leave out the ring and pinky fingers...). The modification for this was to elevate myself above the computer/keyboard - either a short desk, raise my chair or sit on a pillow (anything to get my forearms at a downward diagonal). Also, having a pillow/towel behind my back (flat back) with shoulders back rather than rounded forward.

_____________________________________________________________________

There is a whole lot more that I worked on, but like I said just send asks if you have questions. I still have loads to work on, manage and be mindful of.

#flute #k313 #music major #occupational therapy #recovery #musicblr #hand #pain management #flutist #OP #collegelyfe #musician #orchestra #band #health #personal

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mousedetective · 6 years ago

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My Holiday Wish List

So, while yes, I am getting a few thousand dollars in back pay for disability, most of it is not arriving until January, I think, and then $2,000 needs to be used to pay off the debt that’s negatively impacting my and my mom’s credit, I need to buy my mother a new laptop since I rather ended up stealing hers (but hey, the computer is mine, yay), and we promised my son a 2DS but are planning on surprising him with a Pikachu 3DS instead since he’s kicked ass at school lately. I just might not be able to get their gifts until January, and neither of them are getting anything for me. So this is my wish list with things for all three of us:

Donate time and/or money to homeless causes in your area. I've come to realize that there are some absolutely amazing resources in my area for the homeless and they're trying super hard to help however they can. But they can always use more help. If you live in an area that has a food donation program, give them food this year or volunteer to help feed the homeless. If your area has a plastic bag ban like mine does, buy reusable bags and donate them to food distribution centers so they can provide food for people in a sturdy bag. Donate old clothes and blankets and other items (socks, menstruation products, diapers for both babies and toddlers, disposable underwear for adults and travel-sized hygiene products are a huge help, let me tell you). If you have more money, donate gift cards to homeless programs to grocery stores so people can get their own things they need/Wal-Mart/gas cards so people in vehicles can go around/Starbucks since you can camp out in a store for hours. If you see someone on the street asking for money and you have a few bucks, give it to them. And reblog signal boost-type posts from homeless people and people in financial need if you can't help; having my posts on Tumblr reblogged has saved my butt so many times.

Anything off the Absolute Necessities list. I'm especially in dire need of the cat harness for Sally, the carpal tunnel braces, at least one of the ankle braces and the Depends underwear, as I have major bladder control problems and most stores don't carry the overnight pads in XL, but honestly, anything on the list will help so so much. If anyone could get me the hard drive that would be an amazing help and allow me to take a bunch of stuff off this laptop which is causing it to go slow (my Tumblr downloads for all my blogs is well over 100 GB ALONE, not to mention media I have for fic purposes)

The entire series of The West Wing for my mother on DVD. She's borrowing various seasons from the library but would like to own the whole series at some point.

Light material plaid button-down shirts in women's 2XL (no juniors) or men's XL for my mother. She prefers short sleeved shirts since she overheats a lot but will take either long or short sleeved in any color combos.

Any Nintendo DS games that will work on a 3DS that are T or under for the kidlet. These don't need to be new, either, as I'm planning on buying a case to hold 16 games without cases. He's a huge Pokemon and Super Mario Bros. fan and I don’t think the 3DS has any preloaded games.

Any comfortable clothing in women's XXL tops/pants or men's XL tops/48 waist pants for me Warm stuff is great because I don't have much of it but tank tops and T-shirts are fine too, because it's still somewhat hot during the day with Santa Ana weather here in So Cal.

Mail that is not bills I don't mind whether it's cards, letters or postcards (I do collect postcards and hopefully I grabbed my collection but if not I'll need to start over)

Stuff related to Alice In Wonderland (any version, but I'm especially fond of the Disney cartoon and "Care Bears In Wonderland") Clothing, stuffed animals, accessories, DVDs, I will take it all.

Anything related to Grumpy Bear. Y'all have no idea how long I've wanted my own Grumpy Bear but literally if it has to do with Grumpy I will take it, I don't care what it is.

PayPal donations. Right now we have no money until some point around the 12th, and then most of that check will be going to paying the housing debt. I have no idea if I’m getting a disability payment for the month of December loaded onto the debit card they’re sending me or if my regular payments won’t start until January 3rd, so I have the real possibility of having no money for the month of December and having to spend Christmas and New Years in the car and only getting to see my son for a few hours tomorrow. Getting a hotel from the 23rd to the 2nd would probably allow me to have my son that whole period and let us have a half-way decent Christmas even if we have no gifts. And we have so little food and can’t get more until January at the earliest, so this would be a big deal for us to have warmth, food and comfort over the holidays.

If anyone would like to help by mailing me things, let me know and I’ll provide my mailing address. The stuff on the wishlist will come right to me at Interfaith’s offices, just let me know if you’re sending me a package so I can alert them.

#Holidays #wishlist #wish list #amazon wishlist #signal boost #please help

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madeofbees · 7 years ago

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CARPAL TUNNEL RESOURCES

Okay listen up my peeps!! As many of you know, I have recently acquired severely painful carpal tunnel syndrome in my right wrist from spending all my time coloring, writing, and journaling. Unfortunately, these are the activities that keep me sane and not suicidal, so I’ve been desperately searching for things that help. The biggest thing everyone says is rest but that’s not super an option SO. I found other things that help, and boy do they help!

Let me share my wealth of knowledge.

MASSAGE

This is another big thing that people say and they are so right. I’m sure a professional massage would be awesome but who can afford that not me that’s for sure. I found this video on YouTube and it’s insane how much this five minute massage helps. I do it in my spare time, when my symptoms are acting up, during coloring breaks, in my sleep...

youtube

It’s such good shit, and it has things I hadn’t thought of myself. Give it a watch.

THE RIGHT WRIST BRACE

So using a brace seems pretty straightforward right? Well, the general purpose wrist brace I had for all my other wrist problems wasn’t cutting it. For one thing, I have absurdly small toddler wrists and in order to get any support I had to tighten it so much it cut off my circulation. For another, it wasn’t providing support in the right places.

I found this baby on Amazon:

It’s. So. Great. I got it in the S/M size and it actually fits me omg. It’s also slimmer than a standard brace, which makes it easier to wear under long sleeves, which in the winter is yes good. Most importantly: it works. It has padding and straps and shapes and magic that make it do what I need it to do. Not only does it help in the long run, when I first put it on my wrist pain immediately dropped from an 8 to a 5. Just like that. Bam.

I can type in it and use my phone and can sooort of write/color, but v messily. I take it off when I do art stuff and leave it on otherwise. You can sleep in it, but it feels weird to me in terms of sensory input so I take it off at night, too, but it’s up to you.

You can get it on Amazon here for the stunningly reasonable price of $12.72. It also comes in left, if that’s the hand that’s bothering you.

TOPICAL CREAM

I found this totally by accident when I was looking at wrist braces. “Customers who bought this also bought that” sort of thing. I got it because it’s reasonably priced and if it could help I’ll give it a go and I’m so desperate for any sort of relief.

It’s good stuff. It doesn’t help the second you put it on, and in fact the instructions say that you’ll get maximum benefit after 7-10 days of using it 3-4 times a day. It’s not peppermint, it doesn’t assault your nose and feel good because tingly. It actually aims to help solve the underlying problem, and as far as I can tell, it’s doing the thing!

It DOES NOT have flurbiprofen, which is the NSAID that’s highly toxic to cats. It IS SAFE for your kitties and WILL NOT kill them!! I wouldn’t, y’know, feed it to them, or use it on them, but you aren’t risking your fur babies’ lives every time you use it.

You can get a small(er) jar to try out from Amazon here for $19.95.

PENCIL GRIP

I got this pencil grip from my local indie art store and holy crap it’s good. I’m going to get like five more so I don’t have to switch it back and forth all the time, which is a little annoying, but it’s so worth it. I recently learned my grip is wrong, and this helps put my hand in the right position and also is just way more comfortable than using a plain pencil.

I got mine for like $1.89 and idk about getting it online, but if you go into any crafts store and ask for a pencil grip that helps with carpal tunnel or arthritis, they can help you.

Plus, it’s squishy, and makes a great stim toy when it’s off the pencil.

STRETCHING

I got this exercise from my PT who specializes in Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and gentle movement therapy. You tap your thumb to the tip of each finger using super exaggerated movements, meeting your fingers in the middle of your hand and stretching them out as far as possible between each tap. My PT said to do this for ten minutes every hour, and I’ve sort of installed it in my brain as Activity To Do While Hands Aren’t Busy, so I’m doing it all the time now without even noticing.

ICE/HEAT

I did a lot of research about ice vs heat, and there doesn’t seem to be a consensus. Ice helps me a lot more than heat does, though it’s possible I’m just numbing the pain area for a little bit. If these help you, go for it. If not, don’t worry.

TEXTING

This might just be how I happen to hold my hand, BUT. I used to use the Swype keyboard and I thought it was way better, but it turns out it uses the exact same muscles as writing/coloring/etc. I uninstalled it and went back to the default Apple keyboard that I use with my thumbs instead of my index finger and it is so much better. Moving my thumbs doesn’t use the hurty bits nearly as much, so I can text (almost) whenever I want. Check out how you text and see if a different keyboard might be better for you!

AND THAT’S JUST ABOUT IT FOLKS

If you have any more questions feel free to DM me. I was so scared that my life was going to end but the combination of all of these things has really drastically improved my situation. I hope these help you too!

#carpal tunnel #carpal tunnel syndrome #cts #wrist brace #topical cream #massage #stretching #pencil grip

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ghostofasecretary · 7 years ago

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so the pain feelings are probably the easiest and most grounded, let’s have those first

it really, really annoys me that i have chronic pain. i mean, yes, chronic pain is annoying, but i am annoyed at the specifics of my chronic pain because fibromyalgia is a...complicated diagnosis at best, one i am not sure really exists at worst, and one i would rather throw myself into a fire than get slapped with again.

(possibly do not read this if you are diagnosed with fibro, i think your pain exists and effects your life but i don’t quite think mine is and have Feelings about fibro as a diagnosis that i can’t assess and in this post i make some statements that may be distressing. if you’re sensitive to people dismissing pain, even if it’s their own pain, uh, maybe just skip this one)

i think the pain of other people i real and my own is not, sometimes, which is really stupid and i don’t agree with it, but there the thought is, being a thought.

legitimate vs illegitimate pain is one that is often framed through the lens of sexism and while that is probably reasonable, it also makes me curl into a little ball of dysphoria. i don’t want to think i was effected by sexism while i ran the medical gauntlet, and even if i was i don’t...ugh. sorry. no. i don’t want to.

fibro is basically the diagnosis for “we don’t know what’s wrong with you and you’re probably crazy and/or whiny and/or Don’t Real.” i’m not even sure it’s better than no diagnosis. also i am crazy, it’s on my chart, i don’t...i don’t want another thing that makes me more likely to be dismissed.

in my junior year of high school (well, from August to...April? stuff tapered off around the end of February) i had headaches that ranged from irritating to extremely distracting and mildly painful every single day. i say “mildly“ painful because i have had several severe migraines in my life, and while the aggregate suffering of daily aura and varying forms of pain in my temples may have been equal to the multiple days where i would have to be lying down in a dark room that was quiet as we could possibly make it, but even that didn’t quite help because my heartbeat was too loud, the daily experience was...not that bad. i also had some other symptoms that sucked!

these may have made the aggregate That Bad, idk. i was also pretty suicidal at this point, which kind of clouds my memories.

i was really nauseous pretty much constantly. i had aura pretty much constantly. i got diagnosed with chronic daily migraines, although they were atypical.

my hips and knees hurt a lot. my back hurt, my neck hurt, my shoulders hurt. sometimes i didn’t feel like i could walk well at all and i limped. i sat down often. my hands hurt and writing got painful for the first time. i was very tired.

i did some really stressful things in junior year that were made a lot worse by having headaches constantly and being tired and in miscellaneous pain and feeling like i was going to throw up. i had a really bad night one time where everything in my body was pounding and i ached and cramped and felt like i was on fire and also had a migraine i would class as a Real Migraine, complete with high-key pain and horribly present nausea and blackouts and floating dots. it was really hard.

i had a bunch of tests done re: headaches, including an EEG and an MRI. i asked for a full panel of bloodwork because i did not know what was happening and whether there was a cause. (fibro does not have a known cause, although it is sometimes speculated to be “stress” or “mental illness.” thanks, medicine.) there was no detectable underlying cause, but i did get some helpful medication after a lot of trial and error and several months of waiting. by several months i mean about half a year, but, well. what can you do.

(also, i had SO MUCH ANXIETY about diagnosis and i both was terrified of having RA or lupus or cancer or something identifiable and i desperately wanted something fixable. i also had FUN FUN FUN ANXIETY about being a Bad Patient, about whether asking for bloodwork and being upset over not having an underlying cause made me look like a hypochondriac, about whether the fact that i didn’t exercise as much meant i was Destroying My Health even though exercise hurt like a motherfucker and made every part of daily life difficult, etc, etc)

senior year was much less bad, pain wise.

headache meds really helped my other symptoms! yay! it’s also possible i developed a better pain tolerance*? i did have noticeable and distracting pain while typing during senior year but a carpal tunnel diagnosis is not terribly useful and trying to get diagnosed and not getting anything would probably have crushed me.

going to a chiropractor was moderately helpful but also painful, so...eh?

exercise was really, really not. it’s supposed to be, although the studies used to support that are kind of sketchy, but it was not helpful. it might be helpful now but i would not bet on it.

(one time in junior year i tried to stand up and pace around for an hour, to see if i could do it. i wound up having to lie down in bed for four hours. lying down because of Pain sucks and it feels so stupid and shitty and boring, and i knew i probably shouldn’t have stood for that long while it was so uncomfortable but i wanted to see if i could. i could, barely, but it was not worth it. and it’s so stupid, i feel so petty, i stand up for seven hours every day now and i don’t hurt that much, why did i...? surely it couldn’t have been that bad, surely i was making it up.)

sleeping more did help a little.

* i don’t feel like i developed a better pain tolerance but it might be worth noting two things.

one, after a while i got incredibly fed up with noticing my pain and all the stuff on the net about fibro being psychosomatic and not having any reason to feel bad aside from my headaches which also didn’t have a Real ReasonTM, i decided to ignore pain. pain? what’s that? i don’t have that. banging my elbow makes me ache for days? lol, no it doesn’t. it...i mean, i think it helped. not thinking about my pain All The Time defnitely helped, although the Denial might be less than great.

two, even though i really do feel like i have a shit pain tolerance my feet were literally bleeding because of my shoes in DC and i did not take any action about this until K and R told me to. it hurt, but not, like, a lot.

possibly i have a better pain tolerance.

...

anyway. recently during my work as a barista, my hands and wrists and forearms have been quite annoying. my wrists keep sparking when i pick up milk cartons or shake whip cream and i have to do those things many times during the course of a day. it hurts to close my hands and they’re usually very stiff but probably not clinically stiff. my tendons seem...unhappy...but fuck if i know. i sleep in wrists braces every night and have for years, i ice my hands and wrists at least once a week, typing is still hella painful and i don’t draw or sew very much anymore and i cannot shake the conviction that there is Nothing To Be Done and also that i am feeling my nerves dying every day. which. uh. not great.

(and also - my ankles hurt all the time, i stand up for seven hours a day, what do you expect? my back hurts, so what, everyone’s back hurts. sometimes my knee wrenches but idk, man, it does that.)

i can’t tell what’s a reasonable, measured reaction, what’s abject denial, and what’s overwhelming anxiety and desperation to have anything that isn’t The Fake Special Snowflake Disease For Special Snowflake People.

according to the Mayo Clinic, “See your doctor if you have persistent signs and symptoms suggestive of carpal tunnel syndrome that interfere with your normal activities and sleep patterns. Permanent nerve and muscle damage can occur without treatment.” uhhhhhhhh

tingling and numbness have occurred for the past two and a half years, although they’ve gotten much worse recently. i haven’t been woken up because of it, but, like. if i woke up every time i was in pain i would be awake a lot. weakness hasn’t really happened yet. pain is, y’know, kind of a thing.

i’m vaguely worried that i could have more things ala tendinitis but no way am i going to think about that too hard.

options:

continue ignoring everything. this one looks very stupid but i am tempted. if i think i need carpal release surgery i could try to get it then, otherwise i’m pretty much doing okay on prevention and am doing decently at ergonomic support. if i get told to ice my wrists or something i will scream

go to a doctor. a diagnosis would probably make me feel better but also what if i don’t get one, and there isn’t much to be done anyway unless i need surgery which i do not think i do. if i have tendinitis i might get a steroid shot, but really, i don’t think i do? i don’t want to think about it, i am so tired of thinking about my shit body, i don’t want to

go to the chiropractor. this looks like a nice middle balance and i could ask about carpal tunnel in a less serious environment and it might help, but uggggh, why can’t i just...continue ignoring everything. “permanent nerve and muscle damage” sounds serious but not being able to stand without being in a fuckload of pain sounded serious to me in junior year and here we are, with awesome headache meds and a dubiously effective pain tolerance.

at what point does pain interfere with my life? when i notice it? when i start dropping things? when i can’t hold a pencil? idk, man. i d fucking k

oh, yeah, and another thing, my headaches have been..sort of a thing lately. at this point i’m going to have to get a freakin anti-headache earring like it’s a sigil to ward off a demon and/or i will have to get botox shots every three months like a soccer mom desperately sneaking in to the doctor’s office to make herself feel just a tiny bit better about her miserable life and wrinkles, because obviously a 40 year old showing signs of age is A Sin Against Beauty And An Affront To Nature

(note the increasingly bitter and jaded tone of this post. do i sound hysterical yet)

pain is very stupid and i am SO ANNOYED

....probably i should schedule a chiropractor appointment. i shall pester my mom about that now

#emotional sorting #whining #surprise: chronic pain!#ugh that's a lot of feelings #this was supposed to be the /easy/ post #i am a parody of myself #please do not armchair diagnose me #hugs are nice

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nervousllikeme · 7 years ago

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i’ve been planning on building a computer for a few weeks and my direct deposit just came in so i bought my list. but i feel bad ig. i have a perkins loan they haven't given me notice about in months before the other day that i need to take care of, but i lost the late notice they sent the other day with my account number so i can’t make online payments until they either reply to my email asking for it or send a second late notice by mail. that shit stresses me out. that’s the only bill i’m behind on and i know it’s not enough to get me in trouble rn and i’ll take care of it asap but it gives me bad anxiety. i’m not sure if it’s better or worse that i don’t have any private loans.

at least i’m making enough for the rent/bills/food. it isn’t what i want to be doing at all, but it’s money. and if all goes well i’ll get promoted at the end of the month, which is a $2 raise. at least i’m not sleeping on the floor.

but i feel bad. spending money on wants instead of needs. not “saving” money, like my more well off friends talk about doing. but i’ve been poor my whole life. whatever “savings” i had had to go back into the household growing up; first/last/security when we got evicted, food, emergencies, whatever. and i got the privileged of going to college, an art school, mostly thanks to the government. and most of the people i was friends with were very well off if not flat out rich. and i always felt like the odd one out. the dirty, poor idiot who slept in her studio because she didn’t have the money to buy a train pass to go back to her sister’s house an hour away where she was staying.

and now i’m not doing shit with the degree i’m in debt because of. it’s only been a year and a half, maybe i shouldn’t be so hard on myself. i’m trying to do things i guess. getting a new computer means having an actual shot at working on stuff without constant crashes, freezing, lag, whatever. i’m trying to get into photography as best i can. i’m working with a friend on collabing on something. i’ve got the podcast i’m on. but i just can’t seem to focus on anything but my source of income being based in the lower rungs of the food industry and i’m working full time at it. and also i have no friends. but buying things for me, the computer, could be an incentive to want to actually live again. if i have a new computer that works, i can play games and do other things i want to do. i can be content. if i’m content, i’ll be okay at work. if i’m okay at work, i can make more money. if i make more money, i can go see doctors and not stress if the copay is going to take away from money to live. that doesn’t solve the friend thing, which is a huge hole in my life.

the collab thing is reconnecting me with someone...that i’m not sure it’s a good idea to reconnect with. a really rocky relationship that i feel a lot of shame about because i should’ve gotten help sooner and not do things that i did. story of my life. but she approached me. so i don’t know, whatever. i have to write a few letters to people but i’ve been feeling like such shit and my carpal tunnel is making things impossible when i try to write for more than a few minutes at a time, with and without my brace on. i haven’t made friends out here, i’m friendly with my co-workers sure but we don’t hang out. i don’t have a car with seems to be a social problem out here. i’ve felt so completely empty the past...well, year. very lonely. it goes away sometimes. i’m at an away time right now.

i don’t know if i’m managing my bpd all that well. i guess not. i’m trying to and trying to think through things as they’re happening or tell myself to hold on until i get home so i can think about it. but it’s hard with no support system. but if i do have people close to me, i’m still at a stage where i don’t think enough and say bad things. but let’s be real, i was dumped by a lot of my friends around this time last year. suddenly, i had people telling me that they didn’t want to enable me and that turned into ignoring me. and with that sudden abandonment i just hurt so much and i isolated myself and moved 2,000 miles away eventually. So i’m not sure how it would be to get back into a group of people. My best friend said that i’m easily triggered, and i knew that it would happen whenever we hung out. everything would be fine but then with no warning i’d “shut down” on the outside, stop talking and look serious etc. On the inside i’d realize whatever situation i was in and would start to spiral down. Most of the time this would happen when hanging out at my best friend’s house with her roommates who I was friends with too and I’d be third, fifth, seventh wheeling it most of the time. and ofc they all straight and i feel highly uncomfortable around cis straight guys (which is a whole trigger itself). I’d just start to feel on the outside of whatever was happening, outside of the conversation, and i’d “shut down”. and i eventually i realized this and that was another contributing factor into my whole isolation thing. i became, in my own mind, impossible to hang out with. i’d always get triggered somehow if i wasn’t already sad and irritable before hanging out. and i tried to limit my interaction with my friends. and as i said earlier, they began to limit it with me. so that’s how i spent about eight months completely alone apart from sometimes talking to my internet friends and having to work ofc.

i’ve had a few people throughout my life tell me that they feel like they trigger me. and that feels like shit. i’m not sure what to do about that. i guess communicate more. it’s hard to admit that i have feelings, let alone what kind they are. and i always, always, always forget. even if i keep a journal, i forget. whatever i’ve written sounds like it’s someone else and i guess in a meta sense it is, i’m not who i was months, weeks, days ago. i feel like a human catch-22. needs a support system in order to get better, but everyone i love will deeply hurt me no matter what and i will hurt them too. i don’t know what to do. i guess a therapy animal is a start. i don’t want to go through all the red tape and paperwork in order to do that with my apartment building though. and i’m not sure if i can take care of other living being, i can’t take care of myself. and can i be able to afford a pet anyway? if i have to move, will i be able to find a place where i can have it?

i’m not sure if it’s a good thing to let new people into my life or try to repair things with the old people. but i’m not sure that being completely alone is okay. i don’t want to hurt anymore. i don’t want to breathe in blood when i think about my utter loneliness anymore. but i don’t want to hurt anyone. i don’t want to grow close with someone only to have it disintegrate before i can put the fires out.

#depressing shit 2017 #this is long and rambles a lot #just have a lot of feelings ig

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lindentreeisle · 8 years ago

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Just played my violin for the first time in 9 months

I began to take lessons in 2011. I had never studied a stringed instrument, but I played piano for about six years, and trombone for eight, so I knew how to read music and some of the most basic basics of music theory. I had always wanted to learn, but (embarrassingly) getting deeply into Sherlock fandom and reading any number of violin fics gave me the push to rent an instrument and find a teacher. By 2015 I was learning how to play in second and fourth position and studying a more advanced technique book. My teacher said, let’s do some intensive work on a sonata, and suggested some composers who had appropriate work for solo violin. I picked Vivaldi, because baroque music is the reason I wanted to learn violin in the first place.

Last summer I was practicing etudes out of Wohlfahrt, and studying Handel’s Sonata 3 in F Major. I never practiced enough, I have motivation problems at home, but I took myself across town to my teacher’s house once a week, because while I wasn’t any great talent, when I was playing well I was a part of this great music and it was amazing. On August 1st, eh day after I moved, for some reason my carpal tunnel suddenly was unbearable. I’d had problems in both hands for years, my hands going numb and tingling when I twisted my wrists to do fine handwork like knitting or violin. When I had bad spells I wore braces at night and they usually passed. I had become used to having bad days at violin, where I had to stop repeatedly to curse and shake out my hands until the numbness faded. This time it didn’t fade and it wasn’t triggered by anything: I couldn’t hold my cell phone or pick something up without losing feeling. On the day before my next lesson, I cried when I texted my teacher to tell her I had to cancel because I couldn’t hold anything well enough to play.

I had my second carpal tunnel surgery in March and my incision is now a healing, angry red scar that only hurts when I put sudden or heavy pressure on my palm. The carpal tunnel is gone. I’ve been putting off picking the violin up again, I’m not sure why. As early as February I was saying, I need to get in touch with my teacher and see if she has room to take me back, I should be able to play again by April. When the Vivaldi concerto I’d spent more than a year on came on my ipod, I surprised myself by crying: losing the violin (temporarily) had obviously upset me more than I thought. But I’ve still been putting it off.

I’ve been struggling with depression for months. In the worst parts I had no desire to do anything at all, and I deliberately avoided thoughts of things that I had used to enjoy (like the violin) because they led to a spiral of worthlessness and self-loathing. Even on my good days this past month, when I’ve thought about the things I used to enjoy and the plans I had made for the house, I was afraid to take out the violin. I’m really not sure why. Subconsciously I sort of feared that I would open the case and it would be broken, or ruined somehow because I hadn’t touched it in so long. On Saturday I took the violin case out of the corner of the living room where it’s been hidden since I moved in, and put it at the foot of the stairs. Yesterday I carried it up to the back bedroom, where the light is good and I’d stored my music stand when I unpacked. Today I opened it.

Of course she wasn’t broken. I fretted that I had left the bow too tight, that the strings might be horrifically out of tune, but she tuned easily and quickly, as she always has: seemingly immune to the constant temperature and humidity changes here. I felt unaccountably affectionate as I stroked the shoulder rest and wiped rosin dust off the fingerboard. The first notes, tuning, and then scales, sounded scratchy and thin. The sound burred: I was drawing the bow crooked, too high on the neck, and I’d lost the knack of balancing bow speed and pressure to produce good sound. I flipped open the Wohlfahrt to the first etude, simple enough (they’re all simple really, the point is to focus on technique, not musical complexity). I was afraid, because I know how abysmally bad my head for theory is: every piece of it my teacher explains is gone almost instantly, and I spent so many years reading and thinking only in bass clef that treble is still a foreign language to me. I can read the music because I know how the written note should be played, but if you ask me to name the note I have to count F-A-C-E on the staff like a grade schooler, and god help me when my teacher asks me to name the key based on the number of sharps or flats. I was afraid, because I knew I had doubtless forgotten a lot of technique, and my body had learned what to do but the body forgets without practice.

Then I looked at the page, at the C note, 3rd space up on the staff, and I couldn’t name it without some thought but my brain instantly thought third string, first position, second finger and my mind and my body both remembered how to play it...because most of the time playing a note isn’t an “if then” proposition that you work out in your head in words, it’s sense memory, the feeling of how playing that note should make your body feel, your wrist like this and your finger just there, the way the string feels under the exact part of your finger you’ll use. When you hit the note wrong, you can hear it, but you can also feel it, because your hand is ever so slightly off position, and you fix it and you feel it like the indicator on a prize wheel clicking to a stop in the exact place you thought it would.

It wasn’t good. The notes weren’t especially clear or clean, and when I moved to the Handel a lot of the passages didn’t make sense to me until I listened to the recording to remind myself how it should sound; I missed slurs and ties so I ended up bowing in the wrong direction, and the things I had struggled with before (like shifting in and out of fourth position at the right moments, and those damned, damned harmonics that take me twenty tries to get right) were virtually impossible. But I was playing the right notes (except the harmonics) and getting the note values right, and I could see that it was achievable, that with work I could get back where I was before.

After I bought the violin I was renting, around six months after I started playing, I gave her a name in my head. No one ever asked me, there’s no reason or opportunity to ever say it, I don’t know if it’s even a thing people do (I’ve only heard of antique violins being named, and usually something like “the [X] [name of luthier” rather than a given name), my trombone never had a name, but it felt right to me that this thing that I used so often but was more than a tool, that felt like both an extension of myself and a creature with moods and personality of its own, should have a name.

Her name is Steadfast, and it seems more apt now than ever before.

#violin #music #musing #really me just rambling for a thousand words or so

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 4 years ago

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red+white, m | kth, jjk

pairing(s): taehyung x reader x jungkook

summary: On Christmas Eve, you take Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook out on a date and they’re surprised to find out that... it’s actually a real date. At least, until you decide to pull up your dress right in front of them. You are a horny little seductress after all.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, semi-public sex in the back of a car; intense smut (fem reader, threesome, nipple play, fingering, vibrator use, f-receiving oral, multiple orgasms, overstimulation); fluff; non-idol!AU; noona!reader gets all the attention this time, so sweet of them!

other parts of this series: just kidding + part ii, car ride.

You massaged the base of your right thumb, sucking in a tight breath at the pain.

You shouldn’t have played so many League of Legends games last night, but there was an event pass and you had to grind games. Well, you didn’t have to, but you wanted to. League of Legends was probably your longest commitment in your entire life. And it gave you carpal tunnel.

Like all your interests, it was making your life complicated.

You pulled the sleeve of your fur coat over your wrist brace. When you played a lot, you kept it on all the time. It wasn’t the sexiest thing, but you needed your hands after all. For various reasons.

“Excuse me?”

You grinned to yourself before turning around, waving at the smooth, baritone voice of Kim Taehyung.

“Hey, Taehyung!”

Taehyung made his way through the crowd in the busy outdoor mall to stop right in front of you. It was late afternoon on Christmas Eve, when everyone was getting off work, sunny but cold. He looked you up and down, narrowing his dark brown eyes. “What is this?”

White faux fur coat that barely covered your ass, black thigh-high heeled boots, and the outfit completed with a large red fabric bow tied around your neck. You had nabbed it from a package of Christmas cookies you received earlier in the day. Your hair was pinned up, leaving a few strands framing your face. In comparison, Taehyung was wearing a biscuit-brown corduroy jacket with a forest green sweater and white dress shirt underneath, collar poking out. Dark brown hair a bit pushed back, but with most of it falling onto his forehead. Coffee-colored slacks, pointed oxfords.

“But you haven’t seen the best part, Tae!” you quipped, far too cheerful for the suspicious eye Taehyung was giving you. You unsnapped the buttons of your fur coat, revealing the tight, slinky, red silk mini-dress underneath. It clung to your every curve, molding perfectly to your breasts and hips.

Taehyung’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. He grabbed the sides of your coat and yanked them shut, breath frosting in your face.

“What the FUCK?” he hissed under his breath. “You can’t wear that!”

You blinked at him. “Why not?”

“That’s the kind of clothes you would wear to a club! Not a date!”

“But I don’t go to clubs anymore. I think it’s better to wear what you already own than to buy new ones.”

The look you were giving Taehyung was innocent, but he knew better.

“At least tell me you’re wearing underwear.”

You grinned. “Maaaaaaaybe…”

“Noona,” he growled low in his throat, making you wet already.

“Alright, alright, yes I am.”

Taehyung buttoned your coat, frowning. “Just wait until Jungkook sees you. He’ll be pissed.”

“Pissed about what?”

Jeon Jungkook’s bouncy, energetic voice popped up behind you. You turned around to see him in a big black parka and black jeans with chunky black boots. He grinned, waving a hand, his long black hair half-slicked back as usual. He was wearing leather fingerless gloves. You bit your lower lip, grinning back. Jungkook’s smile faltered, suddenly apprehensive once he saw your expression.

“What’d she do?” Jungkook asked, eyes flickering to Taehyung.

“She–”

“Jungkook,” you cut Taehyung off jovially. “I wore something nice for you two!”

And you popped your coat open once again, ruining Taehyung’s good work of trying to keep you covered. Taehyung threw up his hands as Jungkook’s eyes widened, jaw dropping at the sight of your sinful body wrapped in red silk.

“Noona!” Jungkook scolded, yanking the sides of your coat closed, pressing his body against you. “You can’t wear that!”

“Why not?” you purred, licking your lips. “It’s nearly Christmas.” You pointed to the large red bow on your neck. “I’m festive!”

Jungkook looked aghast, clenching his jaw. “T-That’s not…” He hurriedly re-snapped the buttons on your white fur coat. “You’re going to be cold.”

You shook your head. “This coat is super warm. Plus, I’m wearing panties!”

Jungkook shot Taehyung a pained look. “I’m proud of you…”

“We’re going to be late! Let’s go!”

You grabbed their hands as Taehyung and Jungkook sighed at each other, smiling despite knowing they were already in big trouble.

“A… mug café?”

You pointed to the menu. “Not just any mug café, Jungkook. See, you pick a style of mug and then you decorate it with paint. Once you’re done, they cure it for you and then you can eat some snacks as you wait for it to be finished.”

Taehyung tilted his head, reading the instructions. “Looks like you have to make an appointment.”

“I did. It’s almost time,” you said cheerfully. “Look at all these different ceramic colors and paints. I thought it would be fun to do together.”

Taehyung and Jungkook exchanged a look. “You mean… this is an actual date, noona?”

You turned away from the window to frown at them. “Of course, it is. I booked a time and everything!”

Jungkook shifted his eyes. “Uh, well… usually you’re interested in doing other things with us…”

You blinked at them. “What?”

Taehyung clapped a hand over Jungkook’s mouth. “Never mind, never mind. Let’s go in.”

“Ah! I’m done!”

You turned your extra-large pale blue mug around, revealing the fluffy white Poro you painted, complete with a tasty cinnamon-bun-looking Poro-Snax biscuit in its mouth. Tiny white and yellow sparkles circled its head like a starry sky.

Taehyung smiled, shaking his head. “Your League of Legends obsession is a little extreme.”

“Oi, Poros are cute. I like cute things. That’s why I like you.”

Taehyung’s tan cheeks turned bright pink as you turned your attention to Jungkook’s masterpiece. He was painting a nighttime forest of evergreen trees on a black mug, with a small cabin and white dotted stars. He had three plates of different colored paints and at least ten small paintbrushes next to him. His pink tongue was in between his lips, holding his breath as he added small details to the trees in different shades of green.

“Wow, that’s intricate,” you admired, scooting your chair closer to him. Your sleeves were rolled up, but you were still bundled in your coat. Somehow, no paint got on the white fur. “You’re so talented, Jungkook.”

He finished the tree he was working on and pulled it back, frowning slightly. “Ah, I don’t know…”

“What are you talking about? That’s the coolest mug I’ve ever seen. I would totally buy that if I saw it at the store,” you protested.

Jungkook smiled sheepishly, picking up another paintbrush covered in white. “Really?”

“Of course. Especially since the artist is so handsome,” you added with a wink.

Jungkook’s ears turned red as you shuffled back to Taehyung to look at his mug. He was painting a small brown bear with a red Santa hat next to a wildly decorated Christmas tree on a light green mug.

“Should I add snow?” Taehyung wondered out loud.

“Maybe on the ground? But I think the tree should be the focus,” you mused. “Will the bear have a little coat?”

Taehyung puffed his cheeks. “Ah, I forgot!”

You scraped your chair back, holding your own Poro masterpiece. “I’m going to have them cure mine first. Be right back,” you chirped cheerfully, walking up to the counter where the jolly-looking man was waiting.

Jungkook watched you go, pursing his lips. “Kind of surprised she hasn’t tried to do anything crazy yet.”

Taehyung squirted out way too much red paint and made a disgruntled noise. “Well, she isn’t a horny seductress all the time. Just most of the time. Also, we’re in public.”

Jungkook went back to his mug as you chatted with the owner.

“It’s nice, just like this.”

Taehyung paused mid-stroke of red. His eyes flickered to Jungkook’s lowered head, back to being focused and working carefully. Taehyung thought about adding to the conversation, but kept his mouth shut, rubbing his chin instead. Then he went back to the bear and adding the red Santa coat.

You came back with a muffin and hot chocolate.

“Ah, the owner was so nice. He gave me the last blackberry muffin. He said they’re really popular.”

“Oh, can I try some–” Jungkook raised his head as you turned around to place your white fur jacket on your chair. His eyes widened, voice turning into a tight hiss. “Noona!”

You settled back in your seat, facing him as you popped some more muffin in your mouth. “Mmm?”

“Your dress is backless!”

“IT’S WHAT?” Taehyung whispered shrilly, nearly dropping his work of art.

You chewed. “Yeah… so?”

Jungkook jabbed his paintbrush in the air angrily. “So? SO?”

Taehyung craned his head and his jaw dropped. “That’s nearly to your ass!”

You took a sip of hot chocolate. “Yeah… so?”

Jungkook got up suddenly. “I’m going to have my mug cured.”

You blinked at him. “Are you done?”

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you. “As done as I have focus for.” He walked stiffly to the counter.

You blinked. “What’s his problem?”

Taehyung scraped his chair back loudly, startling you. “I’m also finished.” He also began to shuffle awkwardly to the counter. You tilted your head and went back to your muffin, eating happily. Maybe a little too happily.

Well.

Definitely smugly, that’s for sure.

“Ah, should I just put them on the floor like this? Or like this?”

Jungkook and Taehyung were standing behind you as you struggled arranging the nicely wrapped, hand-painted mugs you all had made in the backseat of Taehyung’s car. Meaning that the backseat door was open and you were on your knees, bending down to the floor to arrange said boxes, your thigh-high black boots sticking out, white fur coat riding up your ass and your equally short red dress slowly hiking up your thighs.

Taehyung and Jungkook stood behind your legs, staring at your increasingly exposed butt in the parking lot and blocking the view from passersby.

“You are doing this on purpose,” Taehyung muttered.

“No, I’m not,” you shot back. “I don’t want someone to look in your car and want to steal your Christmas presents. I paid a lot for that appointment!”

You yelped and fell to your elbows, the hem of your dress shooting up your ass and popping against your waist, leaving your thin red thong out in the open.

“What the fuck?” Taehyung grumbled indignantly, stomping around to the other side of the backseat.

Jungkook rubbed his temples, already expecting it, but still unprepared.

You grinned to yourself, unsurprised as Taehyung ripped the car door open.

“You,” he growled, sliding into the seat and shutting the door sharply. “Are a horny seductress.”

You smiled innocently at him. “Who, me?”

He took the three boxes from you and placed them in the front passenger seat firmly.

“Hey, be careful with those–”

Taehyung grabbed your face and kissed you, pressing his warm lips into yours, silencing your words. You sighed happily, opening your mouth and moaning, enticing him. You felt Jungkook’s fingers on your cold, exposed skin, snapping the string of your thong into your ass and making you whine against Taehyung’s lips. Jungkook grasped your panties and pulled up hard, burying them into your rapidly dripping slit. You bucked, wiggling your hips as Taehyung rubbed his tongue against yours.

“Fuck, noona,” Jungkook breathed. “You’re so fucking sexy.”

He pushed your legs in, forcing you to sit in the center seat and slipped inside, shutting the door.

It was cold outside, but inside the car was so very hot now.

Taehyung broke the kiss, glaring at you. You loved how dark his eyes became, so demanding and lustful, annoyed but also amused with your antics.

“You’re such a bad girl,” he muttered. “But you make me want to fuck you anyway.”

He pushed you into Jungkook’s waiting arms, forcefully turning your head. Your stared into Jungkook’s piercing gaze, his long black hair covering his left eye. He smirked at you, bringing you close to his face as Taehyung unsnapped your coat.

“Can’t even wait until we’re home to cause trouble, can you?” he whispered against your lips.

You tried to kiss him, but Jungkook dodged you, roguish expression on his face. You frowned and grabbed his head, crashing your lips into his as he infuriatingly smiled against them, catching your lower lip in between his teeth and sucking on it. You moaned softly as Taehyung ran his large hands up your hips, all the way up to your breasts. Jungkook’s fingers tangled into your hair, pulling your head back as a needy whine escaped your lips. He shook a finger at you, scooting his body closer, pushing you into Taehyung.

“No, no,” he chided, shushing you. “You want to be so bad and get us into trouble, then you’ll have to face the consequences.”

He placed his leather-covered palm on your cheek, forcing you to face Taehyung as he lowered the shoulders of your coat, exposing the thin straps of your silk dress. Taehyung sucked in a breath, looking down at you hungrily.

“So jealous that someone must have taken you home in this,” he murmured.

You winced a little, biting you lip. “Um… maybe many someones?”

Taehyung’s eyes flickered up to you, dark and dangerous. “You’re insatiable.”

He took one strap and Jungkook took the other, sliding them down your shoulders. Your breasts swelled against the red silk before popping out, black x-shaped pasties covering your nipples. They didn’t need to help you take them off. You reached up with some difficulty and peeled them off yourself, nipples hardening in the cold air.

A part of you was aware that some bystander might witness this and the same part was quite satisfied about that.

Jungkook leaned forward to press his lips against your ear, right hand coming up to knead your right breast. He had removed his gloves, his bare palm rubbing against your hard nipple. Shivers ran through you at his touch.

“Someone’s going to see how naughty you are, noona,” he purred, licking your earlobe. “Someone’s going to watch you get toyed with by Taehyung and I and probably jack off to it tonight.”

You exhaled deeply, feeling Taehyung’s left hand on your left breast, pinching your nipple as he shifted a little to cover your body, leaning his forehead against your temple. You should have been cold, being mostly naked, but you were scorching hot with arousal and the bodies of the two men pressed against you.

“Let them watch,” was your reply, moaning against Taehyung’s lips.

Taehyung scoffed. “Jungkook would probably fuck you out in the open like an animal.”

Jungkook grinned mischievously. “I would.” He sucked on your ear, flicking your nipple as you kissed Taehyung. “And she would be begging for it.”

You spread your legs, whimpering, but they ignored it, Taehyung working his free hand into your hair, ruining all the hairpins, kissing you hard and possessively. You inhaled his heavy, spiced cologne, intoxicated. He released your nipple and reached up to the one end of the red bow, Jungkook playing with the other end.

“I know you said the mug-painting class was our Christmas gift,” Jungkook began, twisting his fingers around the ribbon.

Taehyung broke the kiss, licking your lips lightly as he spoke into your panting mouth.

“But we would have been satisfied with unwrapping just this one.”

And then they both pulled on the red fabric ribbon, slowly untying it, ruining the perfect bow and your common sense, tipping your head as you arched your back. The ends brushed against your chest as Jungkook hooked a finger in the center, fully undoing the tie and exposing your neck. It fell against your elbows, your arms still trapped in your large fur coat.

“Fuck, noona,” Taehyung breathed against your skin. “You’re so pretty, just like this.”

He kissed down your neck, licking down your quivering throat. You had no time to watch though, because Jungkook immediately kissed you, thrusting his tongue into your mouth, making you moan as Taehyung’s lips found your nipples, licking and sucking them while Jungkook sank his fingers into your thigh.

Your panties were drenched, sticking to your folds, leaking down, the strong scent of your arousal filling the car. You suddenly felt Taehyung’s long fingers grip the top of your thong and pull up. You gasped into Jungkook’s mouth and he grinned, fingers trailing up your thigh, so close but so far.

“You want to be touched?” Jungkook taunted, tapping your inner thigh.

“J-Jungkook, please…”

He hummed cheerfully. “I will if hyung lets me.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. Jungkook grinned cheekily back, dark eyes flashing, black hair obscuring his left eye. It was clear that all he wanted to do was deny you, because Jeon Jungkook was a relentless tease.

Well, you had that in common.

Your conversation with Jungkook had distracted you from the fact that Taehyung had removed himself from your chest, reaching into his coat. You jumped as you felt something cold and hard press against your clothed, but still throbbing, wet clit. You whipped your head to Taehyung, who licked his lips, devilish spark in his brown eyes.

“Present for my good girl.”

And then he turned on the bullet vibrator, assaulting your clit.

Your cried out and Jungkook slapped a hand over your mouth, grunting as he held down one leg, preventing you from squirming away as Taehyung pinned the other to the seat, sending intense vibrations straight to your sensitive bundle of nerves. You whined around Jungkook’s palm and he lowered his face to your right breast, taking your nipple into his mouth. Taehyung followed suit with the other.

It was a cramped space, and yet you were already in ecstasy, head forced back, both your nipples being licked and sucked as Taehyung coaxed you to orgasm. Your whole body jerked as you came quickly, unable to cope with the initial harsh, intense vibrations and the sensation of two tongues on you at the same time. Your clit flared with stimulation, thighs trembling. And still Taehyung held you there, barreling you through your first orgasm and pushing for the next, making you scream behind Jungkook’s strong hand, eyes squeezing shut as the wave crashed down again, hips shuddering and spasming with pleasure.

Taehyung removed the vibrator to press it against your wet nipple. You shuddered, clit aching, still wanting more. Jungkook removed his hand and Taehyung kissed you, breathing in your euphoric exhale. You moaned into his mouth, eyes half-lidded, staring into his beautiful lashes, his soft hair brushing against your forehead. You whined and Taehyung broke the kiss, your name floating from his lips, turning off the vibrator for a moment. You wanted to reach up and touch him, slip your hand under his sweater and shirt, but your hands were pinned in place from your jacket.

“Sorry, noona,” he purred in his soul-shakingly deep voice. “Only one of us is getting naked here, and it’s you.”

“B-but, Tae…”

He chuckled, the sound reverberating in his chest. “That’s what you get for teasing us with your sexy body.” He turned away from you, tapping Jungkook who was lazily pushing your nipple around in circles with his tongue, steady pleasure that graced you through your afterglow. Jungkook raised his eyebrows.

“Hm?”

Taehyung pointed to your thong. “Rip it off.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me if I still want those?” you interrupted, amused.

Taehyung cocked an eyebrow. “I have to convince you to keep clothes on in general.”

You nodded knowingly as Jungkook’s fingers danced down your stomach. “You’re right.”

“You don’t have to convince me.”

Jungkook made eye contact with you, lower lip trapped in his teeth. Your lips parted, feeling his fingers close in on the top of your panties. He was smirking playfully, aware of his power over you, watching your eyes tick between his face and his hands. His nail traced your slit, smirk widening as you moaned at his light touch.

“I would let you be naked as much as you want,” Jungkook drawled, slipping a finger under the soaked red fabric, prying it out of your folds. You whimpered softly, lost in his dark brown eyes and his sinful words, his knuckles brushing against your heat as he grasped your thong with his two hands.

“And that’s why I have to wrangle you two,” Taehyung muttered, eyes flickering to the outside world, hoping the owners of the two cars next to you were not going to come back anytime soon. “Otherwise, both of you would be arrested for indecent exposure.”

Jungkook grinned. “Sorry, hyung.”

“Don’t you ‘hyung’ me.”

You gasped as Jungkook ripped your thong apart, turning it into useless scraps of wet red fabric. The strings on the sides snapped as well and it fell off your body. Jungkook swept the shreds from the seat onto the car floor.

Taehyung glared at him. “And I’m supposed to explain that to the car cleaners, how?”

Jungkook shrugged. “Tell them you had a very horny woman you needed to please.”

Taehyung looked up at the sky, exasperated, mouthing silent words before he addressed him again. “I’m first, then you. Then we’ll switch again.”

The younger man grinned. “Okay.”

You blinked as Taehyung handed Jungkook the silver bullet vibrator. “Excuse me,” you said quietly, “I would like to know exactly what you mean by–”

You were abruptly cut off by Taehyung shoving two fingers into you, your words turning into a sharp yelp as your drenched hole was suddenly filled, all the way up to his knuckles. Jungkook lifted you slightly, perching your leg on his so your hips were raised, giving Taehyung a better angle. You felt Taehyung’s lips against your ear as he slowly slid his fingers out, whispering your name.

“We’re going to make you cum so much you can’t stand,” he growled. “And then we’re going to take you home and stuff you so full of cock that you’ll think twice before teasing us like this again.”

Jungkook chuckled, appearing in your vision, speaking in Taehyung’s ear.

“She’s going to take it as encouragement to do more dangerous things.”

Taehyung sighed knowingly, forcefully jamming his fingers back into you. You gasped, pressing yourself against Jungkook’s hard body so you could raise your hips as Taehyung began to pump his fingers into your dripping pussy, wet sloppy squelches accompanying his movement. You could barely register the sound of the vibrator turning on again, but you felt it, sliding down your stomach, skin tingling as you panted.

“D-don’t…” you whimpered, already knowing it was falling onto deaf ears. You were clenching so tightly around Taehyung’s fingers that there was absolutely no way you meant it.

Taehyung smirked. “Jungkook’s allowed to do whatever he wants while I finger you.”

The pulsating vibrations attacked your clit, shooting bolts of pleasure up your torso, hips shaking as Taehyung’s fingers repeatedly rammed into you. Your eyes slid closed, a moan tearing from your lips, Jungkook’s snicker above you, his free hand pinching and rubbing your nipple as he massaged your clit with the bullet vibrator.

“Noona, you’re so fucking hot,” Jungkook praised, breath heavy against your skin. “The most perfectly fuckable body I’ve ever touched.”

You bit your lip hard, pleading noises in your throat, getting wetter at Jungkook’s words, one of your hands clutching Taehyung’s thigh, digging your nails into his pants, indicating you were close. Jungkook changed the setting, increasing the vibrations, and your hips bucked violently, burying your face into Taehyung’s shoulder as you came, screaming into his brown coat.

“A-ah, Taehyung, Jungkook!”

You gasped sharply as Taehyung removed his fingers, moaning as they touched his tongue.

“Fuck, you taste so good.”

Jungkook’s lips pressed against your ear, teasing you. “My turn.”

And then his two fingers slid in, slightly different from Taehyung’s, but just as good, filling you up. He scissored them in you and you lifted your head from Taehyung’s shoulder, panting, watching Jungkook and his sharp jawline, pupils so dilated that his eyes looked black. He seemed to feel your gaze and he turned his head to look at you, the tiny mole underneath his lips flashing as he grinned.

“Who’s a good girl?” Jungkook hummed, tilting his head, pink tongue darting out.

“I-I am…” you breathed, whimpering as you saw his tongue. “I am, Jungkook…”

He cocked his head as the vibrator sounded again, Taehyung pressing it against your swollen nipple, smearing your orgasm all over your tits. You moaned wantonly, leaning back into Taehyung as Jungkook began to finger you roughly, a bruising pace, sliding you up the seat a little with his force.

“What do you think, Taehyung?” Jungkook purred. “Do you agree with her?”

Taehyung chuckled into your hair. “Maybe if she cums for us a few more times, I’ll be convinced.”

He slid the vibrator down, down and you were there again, drowning in copious, sinful pleasure as Taehyung assaulted your sensitive bundle of nerves with relentless vibration and Jungkook fucked you hard and fast with his fingers, your juices sliding down his palm, probably sticking to the seat and your coat, but none of you cared, all three of you chasing your next orgasm, pushing you to the edge, going, going, gone.

It came fast and it came hard, ricocheting through you, so hot, so intense, clit and pussy throbbing together, sucking in Jungkook’s fingers, moaning their names deeply as you rocked your own hips through your orgasm, extending it. You shuddered when Jungkook pulled his fingers out, licking them off noisily as Taehyung pressed the bullet vibrator against your puffy, soaked pussy lips, watching your erotic expression, mouth open, tongue lolling.

“We’re not done, noona.”

Taehyung’s deep voice, warning you, but you couldn’t think, couldn’t believe there was more, more. He turned off the vibrator and switched it for his fingers again, dipping them in, the feeling of his joints and calluses rubbing against your walls, and then he added a third finger. You gasped, throat dry from all your noises as you opened your eyes to see Jungkook’s head lower, pushing your hips down so your knees hit the backs of the front seats, uncomfortably spread wide, ass half-hanging off but feeling so good that you didn’t notice. Didn’t notice until Jungkook’s tongue was on your swollen clit.

Your eyes rolled back into your head.

So fucking good.

Taehyung shoved his fingers into you, fucking you hard and deep as Jungkook lapped at your raw clit, teasing it, nipping at it. It throbbed against the tip of his soft tongue, so sensitive you were a whimpering, moaning mess, even more so as Taehyung’s and Jungkook’s free hands played with your nipples, pinching them as they drove you crazy, ruining you with fingers, lips, and tongue. Your name, coaxing you in heart-shaking baritone, telling you to come in Jungkook’s mouth and all over his hand.

“Aren’t you Taehyungie’s good girl?”

“F-fuck, yes, fuck, Tae, I’m your good girl, oh, fuck–”

Your words tumbled together in a hoarse hiss, hips rutting into Jungkook’s face as you came, liquid gushing everywhere, walls spasming and clamping around Taehyung’s fingers, one of your hands pulling out of your coat and grabbing Jungkook’s head, forcing him down as you rode your high into his mouth, messing up his long hair. Jungkook gave you a muffled groan, twisting your nipple slightly.

Your core was aching with pleasure and overstimulation, never before having been pushed this far, intoxicated by the feeling. You loved every second of Taehyung and Jungkook having their way with you, drunk on the feeling of back-to-back orgasms. Your hand slipped and Jungkook resurfaced, lips shiny with your juices, licking them off slowly as Taehyung sucked on his fingers.

Then Jungkook flexed his right hand at you, tattoos dancing as he did so.

“Round two.”

And then the positions changed, Taehyung’s lips on your inflamed clit, Jungkook’s three fingers knuckle-deep inside you, except Jungkook craned his body to place his lips on your abused right nipple, sucking on it as Taehyung pressed the slippery bullet vibrator against your other nipple, vibrations jarring you right to your heart. Taehyung’s tongue was gentle and firm, still too much as it was paired with Jungkook’s wet muscle teasing you as his fingers thrust into your pussy, slow, deep, hitting your favorite spot. You completely forgot you were in Taehyung’s car in some random parking lot, partly out in the open, lost in the ecstasy and elation.

It took them no time at all since you were already so sensitive that you were the one holding back, trying not to give in, trying to prolong the pleasure, but eventually you lost and the taut coil in your stomach snapped.

“O-oh, Jungkook, Taehyung…”

Your hips jerked into Taehyung’s face, your orgasm leaking onto the floor of his car, fingers curling into his hair, so lovely and soft, wild torrents of pleasure soaring through you. So very, very good. Dirty, deviant, and glorious. Taehyung removed the vibrator from your nipple, turning it off. You moaned softly, coming down from your high, clutching Taehyung’s head, your fingers massaging his scalp as he continued licking you gently. You gazed into Jungkook’s eyes as he slowly removed his lips from your nipple, glassy eyes locking with his.

“You taste so good,” Jungkook murmured, face centimeters from yours. “Smell so good, look so good, feel so good, sound so fucking sexy.” He kissed you, your taste still on his tongue, breathing your name like a caress.

Taehyung finally untangled his head from your hand, panting softly. He came up to your face too, and Jungkook moved to make space, tenderly kissing your cheek and ear.

“Noona,” Taehyung mumbled, smearing your own orgasm onto your chin as he placed a chaste kiss on your lips.

Your voice was raspy and gravelly from all your noises. “W-what?”

“You’re going to spend Christmas with us, right?”

Your lips curved into a mischievous smirk. “Well, I was going to slide down your chimney and–”

Taehyung prodded you as Jungkook laughed heartily. “We don’t have a chimney.”

You shrugged. “Same idea, break in and fuck you both.”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Santa doesn’t do that.”

“All I’m saying is that Mrs. Claus definitely gets some–”

Taehyung shut you up by kissing you once again.

part ii: gold light

masterpost

#taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader #bts smut #taehyung smut #jungkook smut #kim taehyung x you #taehyung x you #kim taehyung x reader #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader

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nolongeriwholive · 8 years ago

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Three years on (and on)

One week ago, the day before Easter, I spoke before our monthly men’s breakfast and told them that there is a difference between facts and truth. “The facts were,” I said, “that Jesus was dead. They took his body down off the cross, wrapped it, and put it in a tomb, rolled the stone across the entrance – and left him for dead. That's all they knew. The Truth was something much greater and even unimaginable.”

Then I said, “Two years and 51 weeks ago, the doctors at the Mayo Clinic told me that the facts were that I had ALS and I had 3 years to live, and the last year was not going to be a very pleasant one. They said the facts were that my body was going to deteriorate, I was going to be in a wheelchair, and need an oxygen tube and feeding tube until I ultimately wasted away.”

I stepped out from behind the lectern - on my own two feet (no cane, no braces) - so the men could see me in full, and far from being wasted away. I smiled, inviting them to laugh, and they did, softly at first and then louder as I looked down and regarded myself as well.

“The Truth,” I said, “is something more. God healed me of ALS,” and then they were clapping, cheering and stomping their feet.

Three years ago today, April 22, 2014, my wife and I received that diagnoses, and the apparent death sentence. To say that the rest of that week was the most surreal in my life would not be an exaggeration. Faith and family, as you know, were the key pillars then and going forward, as you can see if you back through this blog. To some extent, a blunt diagnoses such as that can be extremely clarifying. “If the doctors say there is nothing man can do,” I reasoned to myself, “then that only leaves God.” Galatians 2:20 came to me: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” If I was as good as dead, then it truly was “no longer I who lived” and that became both my focus and the name of this blog that I started a few days after the diagnosis.

If you’ve been following along here, you’ll know that 13 months after I was diagnosed I was undiagnosed, also at the Mayo. I still had some symptoms, but I was too healthy. Since then I’ve continued the story here sporadically. There were additional miracles to report (as you can scroll down to read), but also a life to live. My youngest daughter moved to Prague in late 2015 and we flew over there for 9 weeks as she transitioned, and we returned there last fall with our oldest daughter and newest grandchild. These and many other things were blessings we could barely have foreseen while sitting in that doctor’s office 3 years ago.

There has been great joy in our lives since that sentence was lifted, but I have also known some pain and some sadness. The sadness stems from the fact that ALS still has a spectral hold on me. Several people that I came to know during my time with the disease have since succumbed, and new people have been added. A friend and former co-worker has been diagnosed and is fading rapidly. Another man I had met and known when he was the radio voice of the Minnesota Vikings in the 90s died of ALS last month, and I was greatly moved (and saddened) to read recently of the University of Minnesota scheduling a special one-person graduation ceremony in March so a PALS father could watch his son graduate because he was not likely to live long enough for the May ceremony.

These things touch me on a deep and personal level that is hard to explain. It frustrates me to know that others suffer, and more than once in the last year I have asked the question that I never asked in that first year: “Why me?” I take no pride and put no stock in my own piety as having anything to do with it. There are likely people with more faith than me, and as many (and more) good reasons to live as I have, who have died, or are dying of this brutal disease.It is hard not to dwell on this at times, but I resist trying to “figure it out”. Man trying to “figure out” the ways of God is responsible for a lot of bad doctrine and pop theology out there because we insist that God’s ways make sense to us. I came to the realization that my healing was really not much different from my salvation. In both instances i had done nothing to deserve such boons, yet God had moved on my behalf, even before I knew what I needed or could ask for it. I can only trust and assume that there is a reason for it, and that reason (or reasons) will be evident in time. And, perhaps, it already is.

I mentioned the pain I’ve experienced. I wasn’t referring to emotional pain or spiritual unrest, but severe, even crippling pain like I had never known in my experience of knee surgeries, abdominal surgery and back surgery. Late last year I ended up with a case of severe carpal tunnel in both my right and left hands and wrists. Nobody has ever died of this, but I never felt so much like I wanted to. I couldn’t move my hands or arms without pain, and I couldn’t sleep for more than 20 minutes or so before I had to move my hands again, causing me to wake up. I prayed, I struggled, I ultimately ended up getting a cortisone short in my left wrist and surgery on my right one; the recovery, too, was more painful and longer-lasting than anything I’d previously experienced. I even dipped into the prescription opiods that I’d been able to do without after previous surgeries. I was pretty miserable, and even asked God a couple of times why this was such a challenge after what I’d already received and experienced. No answer was forthcoming, until I went back to the Mayo for a post-op follow-up with my orthopedic surgeon.

The Mayo Clinic is a huge campus; the main exam buildings are 15 stories, and when my wife and I came out of my appointment in the orthopedic section we saw a couple from Iowa in the waiting room that we had met at my son-in-law’s first church out of seminary. They had been real sweethearts to Faith and Ben and the kids, which is how we got to know them. They also knew my testimony, and as we talked to them that day in the waiting room they described the tests the wife had been undergoing for numbness in her feet. The tests and symptoms sounded all-to-familiar to us. My wife said we should pray for them, and they were all in favor of it. Without any self-consciousness, we held hands right there and I prayed. I don’t remember what words I used, but I know I asked God to bring them peace and to do what He had done in my life. As we were praying my wife noticed that a woman sitting in the row in front of us was leaning back toward us to listen, and was crying. When we finished my wife asked that woman if she would like prayer for anything as well.

“Oh, yes,” she said, still in tears. “I was diagnosed this morning with ALS.”

“God healed my husband of ALS,” my wife said. Along with our friends from Iowa, we poured out even more for her right then and there. There was peace in her face when we finished and as we talked more about what she was going through and what I had experienced. Her mother was with her; they had driven up from Arkansas to see the doctors at the Mayo - and just so happened to be sitting in that row, in that waiting room, at that time. We exchanged phone numbers and later that evening she called me to talk some more. She told me that she had just been saved a few weeks prior to coming to the Mayo. I told her that when I was diagnosed I didn’t know just what God was going to do, but I believed He would do something. “I don’t know exactly what God will do for you, or how,” I said, “but the fact that He could so orchestrate things so that we could meet today, right when you needed to hear this, gives me a lot of hope and confidence.” Since then we have been checking in with each other every 4 to 6 weeks. (Oh, and the first person we prayed for that day ended up getting very good news from her tests: no ALS, just a neuropathy in her foot that could be treated with therapy.)

I addressed this in similar fashion with the men at the breakfast last week; mist of whom are going through life-altering trials and challenges of their own. “I don’t know why I am still here today, but I’m pretty sure that speaking to you is a big part of it.”

- April 22, 2017

One of my favorite songs is “The Sea” by the 80s group, The Waterboys.. I listened to this song often in the year after I was diagnosed, and in the time since then. Land-locked all of my life, I have always been mesmerized by the sea whenever I had a chance to look upon it. Similarly, this song always helped calm my mind whenever I tried to get too much into “figure it out” mode during this adventure, and brought me peace. The music critics often describe the song-writer, Mike Scott as a “mystic”, but the meaning of these verses has always been clear to me. This life is the river, and it leads to the sea. All the things I know, or think I know, as I navigate this river pale when I have glimpsed the sea and what awaits.

I am not afraid of the shore.

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#deep thoughts

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balancecoresg · 5 years ago

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Home Page

Balance Core Physiotherapy Singapore Experts in relieving Back Pain, Knee Pain, Shoulder Pain and Scoliosis

Aspiring to be the best physiotherapy clinic in Singapore, we provide comprehensive and highly effectivephysiotherapy to restore body’s integrative balance, reduce pain, and improve posture & movement.

Physiotherapists in Singapore with focus on tackling the root problems

Balance Core was established in 2013 and our therapists have henceforth treated thousands of patients. It is with the passion to treat all injuries from the root problems and prevent recurrence of injury that we have founded Balance Core Physiotherapy Centre. The fundamental causes of most musculoskeletal injuries without trauma, are to do with inappropriate movement habits which overly stress certain parts of the body beyond the tolerance level. If the underlying errors in movement habits can be accurately identified, and properly corrected, the parts of the body that are subjected to excessive stress can finally have a proper opportunity to recover fully. When the body is behaving in a healthy manner, there will be minimal chance for future injury again. Our physiotherapists have deep understanding of human biomechanics and can accurately identify the errors in each patient’s behaviors and the mechanism that lead to the injury. We are also well equipped with evidence-based and up-to-date treatment approaches, ensuring speedy and comprehensive recovery for every client.

Michael Yan

Clinical Director

Mr. Michael Yan, Clinical Director, has 20 years of clinical experience.

He obtained a Master degree in Musculoskeletal and Sports Physiotherapy from University of South Australia. Having worked in public and private hospitals, he founded Balance Core Physiotherapy Centre with the aim to let his clients have full cure from their pain instead of just short term relief. His Integrative Balance Approach has been further developed over the years and became the foundation for success for our Centre. Besides clinical work, he is passionate about teaching. He has been a speaker/teacher to fellow physiotherapists locally and in other countries such as Indonesia and China. He also regularly educated public on various useful topics.

Tian Li Feng

Principal Physiotherapist

With an extensive 19 years of clinical experience, Mr Tian Li Feng is currently working as the Principal Physiotherapist at Balance Core Physiotherapy Centre.

Li Feng holds a Master’s degree in Musculoskeletal and Sports Physiotherapy, and his expertise lies in managing complex musculoskeletal conditions such as chronic pain, scoliosis & sports injuries with rigorous assessment and carefully planned & applied treatment. He has strong interest to improve people’s posture and movement efficiency, for both adults and children. He had specialized training in scoliosis management, dry needling, and is a certified Kinesio taping practitioner. In his spare time, Li Feng is also an avid runner and basketball player.

Chloe Ng

Senior Physiotherapist

Miss Chloe received her Bachelors of Physiotherapy (Hons.) from Trinity College Dublin.

Chloe is working in the areas of orthopedic, neurology and musculoskeletal and has 2 years experience from a public hospital. Chloe also volunteered for Singapore Management University as the leading sports female physiotherapist for the volleyball and rugby teams during the inter-university games. She is certified in spinal manipulation and dry needling.

Our Physiotherapists Can Treat

Knee Pain

Knee pain is usually not a standalone condition. Being the center joint in the lower limb, abnormal loading from the hip or ankle/foot will always alter the loading on the knee joint. When the knee is aligned ideally, the force going through the knee does not cause injury. But, when there is a combination of forces from multiple directions, such as compression and gliding or twisting, the knee is predisposed to early degeneration. Studies have shown that the majority of patients with knee pain also have weakness in their hip muscles and core control. Over time, abnormal balancing and movement strategies will be adopted.

Common knee injuries:

Patellofemoral pain syndrome

Chondromalacia Patella

Patellar tendonitis

Muscle strain

Iliotibial band syndrome

Ligament injury

ACL injury and reconstruction

Meniscus injury and meniscectomy

Osteoarthritis

Knee replacement

Shoulder Pain

Being the most mobile joint in the human body, the shoulder joint needs to strike a balance between mobility and stability. Your shoulders are also one of the most heavily used joints in the upper body as it can generate large amounts of force. The rotator cuff muscles have a very important role in stabilising the glenohumeral joint. They are often under heavy strain, and therefore injuries of these muscles are relatively common.

The spectrum of rotator cuff pathology comprises tendinitis, shoulder impingement and subacromial bursitis. Tendinitis refers to inflammation of the muscle tendons and it is usually due to overuse. Over time, this causes degenerative changes in the subacromial bursa and the supraspinatus tendon, potentially causing bursitis and impingement.

Common shoulder injuries:

Tendonitis

Impingement

Frozen shoulder

Acromioplasty

Rotator cuff repair

Bankart repair

Shoulder dislocation

Multidirectional instability

Fractures

Back Pain

Many people suffer from back pain and don’t recover mainly due to poor posture at work or in their daily life. As we have an increasingly sedentary lifestyle, weakness in the gluteal muscles and core region makes our back more vulnerable. Tightness in hips also contributes greatly to low back pain. Therefore, restoring the balance and mobility of the pelvic and hip region is essential to improving back pain.

We have also seen quite a number of people who try to do core strengthening exercises (such as planks, crunches, leg raises) to resolve their back pain but ended up getting more pain instead. This is because the concept of core control is poorly understood and with repeated incorrect training, it can cause aggravation instead of relief.

Common back conditions:

Acute low back pain

Disc Herniation

Sciatica

Lumbar Spondylosis

Scoliosis

Spinal Stenosis

Fracture of vertebrae

Bone spurs / osteophytes

Scoliosis

Scoliosis is an abnormal curvature of the spine. Scoliosis usually develops during childhood and the cause is usually not clearly identified. Traditionally doctors and physiotherapists look at scoliosis from the skeletal point of view to derive treatment options. However, with a deeper understanding of the myofascial contribution to the problem, our physiotherapy approach is more robust and comprehensive.

Though scoliosis is defined as a side-bent, it always involves some degree of rotational and side-shift deformities of the spine. At Balance CORE, we adopt a unique 3D Balance Scoliosis Management to treat scoliosis. This system involves:

Detailed 3D postural analysis

Manual adjustments to reduce misalignment and structural restrictions

Corrective bracing (optional)

Specific corrective exercises and functional training to achieve optimal balance of the spine, in all 3 dimensions / planes

It helps reduce pain, prevent stiffness, improve functional performance and delay worsening of the curve, and is equally effective and beneficial for both children and adults.

Over the years of treating patients with various injuries and discomfort, we have clearly observed a persistent issue with our present-day health care practices. Most of the standard treatments are focused on solving the immediate symptoms and injuries, but little effort has been spent on identifying and intervening the underlying root causes.

Our founder Mr Michael Yan has conceptualized the Integrative Balance Principle of human function. We have been consistently helping thousands of patients recover from chronic injuries and body aches, and live a pain-free life.

The Integrative Balance Principle of human function means that in order for our body to exert force effectively to complete various tasks, the body must achieve balance of several factors at the same time, as shown in the following diagram:

When the body position or movement habits are not following the integrative balance principle, certain parts of the body will have to bear excessive force loading, or move excessively beyond the healthy range, thus leading to injury and pain. Different error movement patterns will lead to different injuries.

Based on the integrative balance principle, we have formulated a streamlined treatment process that systematically helps our patients correct their movement errors, and adopt healthy habits that is optimized to perform their functional tasks. This treatment process is illustrated below:

Our vision is to be the best physiotherapy Clinic in Singapore, and help millions of people around the world to finally stop worrying about their injuries and live a powerful life!

Other problem areas you may have concerns with that Physiotherapy can treat

Upper Limb

Tennis elbow

Golfer elbow

Wrist pain

Trigger finger

Arm pain / numbness

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Hand arthritis

TRUNK AREA

Whiplash

Neck pain

Headache

Nerve impingement

Rib / chest pain

Hunchback

Jaw / Temporomandibular joint (TMJ) pain

LOWER Limb

Flat feet / Bunions

Heel pain / Plantar fasciitis

Ankle sprain

Fractures

Hip arthritis

Snapping hip syndrome

Shin splints

GENERAL AREAS

Chronic pain

Fibromyalgia

Poor balance

Posture problems

Post-surgical recovery

Stroke rehabilitation

Elderly fall prevention

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Do I need an appointment?

Yes, you will need to contact us to schedule an appointment

Do I need a referral letter from a doctor?

No, this is not a mandatory requirement to see a physiotherapist.

Do I need to take X ray or MRI scan before seeing a physiotherapist?

Xray and MRI scans are not routinely required for a physiotherapy assessment. If you have already done these scans, then it is good to bring along the films or reports when you see a physiotherapist.

How long does each physiotherapy session take?

A session will usually take from 30 minutes to an hour depending on the severity and irritability of the condition.

What can I expect at my first appointment?

Your physiotherapist will perform a thorough assessment to evaluate the problem and identify the root course of the problem. A detailed explanation will be given so that you can fully understand your issues and the outline of subsequent treatments.

Thereafter, treatment that involves muscle release, specific muscle activation or joint mobilization will be rendered to provide symptomatic pain relief.

What attire should I wear for my appointment?

Comfortable clothing – preferably T shirt and shorts. We do provide clothings for you to change into if needed.

What are the payment options available at your clinic?

We accept CASH, NETS, Paynow, and Credit card payment.

Do you provide any insurance direct billing cashless service?

No, we do not currently associate with any insurance company. Typically for clients with claimable insurance policy, payment is made by the client first and claims can be filed with the official invoice.

Physio Clinic in Singapore's Health City

Located at Novena, Singapore’s central medical hub with Tan Tock Seng Hospital and Mount Elizabeth Novena hospital in its vicinity. 3 minutes walk from Novena MRT station with a sheltered walkway through Novena Square shopping mall.

Royal Square Medical Centre (Beside Courtyard Marriott Hotel Lobby) :

MRT Novena

North South Line (red): take Exit B, walk through the passageway between KFC and Toast Box at Novena Square Shopping mall. Enter the next building in front of you and keep walking down and follow signs to Royal Square Medical Suite.

Driving

Drive along Irrawaddy road and make a left turn into the carpark right after you drive past Square 2 carpark. If you are parking at level 4, you have direct access to the lifts in the Medial Centre and can take the elevator up to level 17. If you are parking at other levels, you will need to take the elevator to level 4 first.

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