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lamentationsofalonelypotato · 6 months

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You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 7: Are We Old Friends Or Old Enemies?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter seven of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 5K

Warnings: I'm going to rate this 18+ just to be sure. References to Past Sex, Sexual Innuendo, Cursing, Blood, Guts, Graphic Death, (spoilers?), Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

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Present Day

Your motorcycle crunches loudly against the black gravel driveway outside of Crimson Countess' trailer. It looks worse than you imagined, shoved behind Vought-land, and sprouting out of the ground like a fungus. Not an unusual thought given it's ogre-like inhabitant.

You weren't looking forward to seeing her after all these years, because you knew it wasn't going to end well. Deep down you hoped that she had let go of everything that happened in the past, like you had tried, well, until Butcher and Hughie showed up at your apartment. Then again, you're not sure that you've really let go of everything that happened. Sometimes it felt like you just shoved all your feelings into the deepest darkest part of your brain where they’d been festering for the past forty years.

And ever since Butcher and Hughie showed up, those feelings had been clawing their way out like a banished Titan climbing out of Tartarus.

You think again about driving away. If you saw her, there wouldn't be any going back. You couldn't go in there pretending to be your daughter, you had to be you. Which meant the possibility of losing the life you'd constructed in the aftermath that followed your long superhero career.

Was it worth it? Was Ben worth it?

You sigh considering that thought. After the fight it was difficult to answer that question. If the answer was no, you might as well just leave. But the answer was yes. You hated that after everything that happened between Ben and you, the answer was yes.

And that meant you needed to know the truth, needed to see it in her eyes. Which also meant there was only one choice.

You look around the clearing where the trailer sits. It’s in a circle of trees that filter the setting sunlight through their lofty branches, making patterns on the gravel where weeds and patches of grass break through every few feet like an oasis in a desert. Further down the road to the right you see a collection of empty circus carts that rust onto yellowed grass, rising from the earth to tangle in the wooden wheels of the carts.

At least the trees are pretty. You think to yourself trying to focus on the positive. They were, after all, one of your favorite things to paint.

You consider your apartment downtown, the open floor plan and large windows, very different from how she chose to live her life. Your eyes trace the mobile home thinking back about the fungus analogy.

The trailer was covered with peeling white paint stained black and yellow in some areas where sticky mold had begun to fester against the structure. The rickety porch was rotted, so much so that when you walked across it, it creaked loudly beneath your feet and you stepped around several foot-sized holes, where others had fallen through.

She definitely didn't budget her money well. I wonder how much money she got when she was a hero? I know that my salary wasn't amazing. Ben definitely did better than me because of his films.

Then again, you were living off money from your father, and your grandfather's investments in real estate, not to mention your artwork was selling better than it ever had.

Your knock against the flimsy front door of the mobile home, not using your supe strength, but the entire house still shakes.

Probably wouldn't withstand a thunderstorm. Hopefully she's invested in an umbrella.

No one answers and for a moment you hope that she's not here or she's dead, but just like always you’re disappointed.

"Who the fuck is it?" You hear Countess' familiar voice shout from inside.

A swarm of memories flock across your mind at her voice, but you push them aside.

"Your best friend in the whole world." You respond, before you can stop yourself. Sarcasm was an easy fallback. If your mother was here she'd say that it wasn't ladylike.

Really just disappointing her in every century. The thought makes you happy.

"What?" Countess rips open the door so savagely that you wonder how the door didn't come off in her hand. You watch her eyes widen and her face pale as her gaze lands on you.

Well, that's certainly not a normal reaction to seeing me.

"Y/n?" You hear her heartbeat spike in her chest. "You're-" She sputters to look for the right word.

"Alive? Yes." You smile at her. "Well, aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Um-"

A flash of the last time you saw her comes roaring back. The smug look on her face when you caught her and Ben together, the way her face was flushed bright red, sweat dotting her hairline while he- You clear your throat to stop the memory.

You push past her into the small residence, not waiting for her to invite you, and your nose wrinkles as the smell of sweat and her rancid perfume invade your nostrils. It was barely two rooms, the small kitchen/living room was separated from the bedroom with a red beaded curtain that doesn't hide the unmade bed and clothes covered floor.

This was unusual given the fact that she was wearing her supe suit, complete with cape and mask. It was a little tighter in some places than you remember, her reddish hair reeked of cheap dye, her perfume like a cloud of sulfuric acid, and her pointed, cruel face was more wrinkled that the last time you saw her.

"I'd like to say that this is cute," You turn to look back at her from the small kitchen/living room, that was covered in dirty plates and take-out boxes. "But it's kind of a shit hole, isn't it?"

That was fast. So much for trying to be civil. Too much history I guess.

"What are you doing here?" She keeps her voice calm, but the tempo of her heart suggests otherwise.

Your eyes trace the lines of her face, the wrinkles, the subtle graying of her hair that the dye couldn't cover. "Just thought I'd check in. See how things are going. You definitely didn't age well."

"What the fuck do you want?" She snarls this time.

You can't help but smile at her. Something about this whole situation was utterly ridiculous to you.

She said Ben died. Why am I even here? What did she have to gain from his death? The thought swishes around in your brain. But then why was she afraid when she saw me? You think about all the times you spent watching her manipulate the others on Payback and all the other times you were around her, she never showed fear. Why now?

"I'm here because somebody showed up the other day asking me about Ben." You shrug, running one of your hands against the dirty kitchen countertop examining the tip of your finger as if looking for dust. "And it's funny, because as they were asking me questions I realized that you and I never talked about what happened that day. I mean I heard what you said through Stan and Legend, but I never heard it from you. Thought it was time we had a little heart to heart."

Her pulse spikes again, but she covers it with a smirk. "You want to talk about Ben?" Her voice drips with false sweetness. "Well I'll say this, he was a good fuck. But I'm sure you knew that."

Your entire body goes rigid, remembering the night that you found them together, the night after you finally told him you loved him and he pushed you away.

"I mean, after all, he popped your cherry didn't he? Made you a woman." Countess' smirk turns into a rueful smile. "You definitely waited long enough. Ben told me how long you’d been friends. He told me the sex was so boring, that you were so inexperienced, that he wanted a real woman who could actually please him. A woman who wasn’t quite so-." She sniffs, tapping a bright red fingernail against her hip. “Big.”

Her words are like a slap in the face and you feel the cold disapproval of your mother for the first time in eighty years. The anger that surges up underneath your skin flares hot against your cheeks.

Ben wouldn't have said that about me. He- he knew how special that was for me. He said that he wanted it to be special for me.

You remember how happy he looked when you woke up in his arms the next day, before you said the three little words that you couldn't hold in anymore, the ones that you had wanted to say to him since you were eight.

"Poor little y/n. You worshiped the ground he walked on for so long and finally he decided to pity fuck you. It’s so sad. You wasted your life pining for someone who will never love you. And you thought you could just come here and intimidate me? You’re still the same little girl who begged Ben to fuck yo-"

Her body flies forward telekinetically into your outstretched hand, that clamps down around her throat.

"But I do intimidate you." Your eyes shift to purple with your display of power. "Your heart rate hasn't dropped below 120 since I got here. So obviously there's a reason why you're afraid of me." She gasps against your hand, but you don't let go. "Tell me what happened that day." Your voice has slipped into a monotone, tinged with rage. “And I promise that I’ll let you live. In what condition, well, that's up to you.”

"I don't have to tell you anything!" She spits, pushing her hands together and sending you flying backward as the ball of fire hits you just under the right side of your rib cage.

There's a high pitched popping sound, an immeasurable amount of pain, and everything goes black.

It wasn't the first time you'd died. You'd heard of other supes being able to come back from the dead, and of course the others like Ben and Homelander who were almost invulnerable to injury, but your gift was different. Yes you had enhanced senses, speed, and strength, which were the original powers that were displayed after you received the injection of Compound V, but there was more to it than that.

It took you the first two deaths to figure it out, and you could remember both clearly.

The first was a few weeks after you took Compound V, when you and Ben were on his tour overseas promoting the might of the United States. It was supposed to be safe. The shot fired from the crowd was meant for Ben, but you pushed him out of the way. It was before you figured out he was bulletproof. Your gut reaction was to protect him as it always was. He ripped the guy in half for what he did and turned back to you. You remembered how he looked, remembered the fear in his eyes he never allowed to break through the façade he wore as Soldier Boy as he held you across his lap, holding a hand against the wound where blood poured freely from your chest. You remembered gazing up at him for what you thought was the last time and then the darkness that followed, welcoming you like an old friend.

And then thirteen seconds later you woke up, gasping for air, the bullet wound healed leaving only a circular scar behind. You didn’t understand at first, it wasn't until you died the second time that you realized how powerful you could be. The second time was Ben's fault, a scorned lover, a telekinetic, with a bone to pick with him. When you got in her way she'd snapped your neck with her powers. But this time when you woke, it was different, you felt different. You could feel her powers stirring beneath your skin, and it wasn't until you flicked her away from Ben that you understood. When you died a normal way you came back after 13 seconds, but when a supe killed you, you came back in 13 seconds with their powers.

You didn’t know why 13 seconds. In fact it was Ben that told you it was exactly 13 seconds, why he knew that you didn't know. It seemed that for everyone else 13 was an unlucky number, but for you it was the difference between life and death, literally. You also didn’t understand why you kept the powers. Sometimes you wondered if when you were killed by a supe your body analyzed how you died, understood it, and then you came back with that forbidden knowledge like you’d just eaten the fruit off the wrong tree.

Ben was the only one who knew and when anyone asked, you attributed your sudden ability to move things with your mind as something you never used in public. Having that much power scared you. You weren't sure what people or Vought would do if they found out, so you kept it to yourself and so did Ben. Honestly, sometimes you think the reason why he kept it to himself was because he didn’t want anyone to be more powerful than him, but you didn’t care about the abilities. You didn’t think you were a god despite Vought’s constant worship and praise. If anything, you felt closer to hell and in a binding contract with the devil.

Exactly thirteen seconds later, you sit up from the floor completely healed while Countess stands there over you, a horrified look on her face. She'd never seen you die before.

"Did you just try to kill me Countess?" You ask.

She puts her hands together to shoot another fireball, but you make a motion with your hand to that flicks her away. Her body soars backward illuminated in the purple glow that manifests with your telekinesis, into the small hallway that leads to the bathroom on the other side of the mobile home.

"You know," You stand from the ground looking down at your melted motorcycle jacket. "This was my favorite jacket. Had it from the 80's it was vintage. Damn.”

“How-“ She groans stumbling to her feet and leaning on the wall for support.

“We all have our secrets don’t we? And I'd love to hear yours."

Her eyes flash to where the front door is, but you beat her to it, yanking her back towards you by the arm, crushing her right wrist in your hand. Her scream of pain quenches the anger fueling in your chest from the words she snarled at you earlier.

"You're pretty worthless, even with your powers." You sigh. “I was hoping for more of a challenge.”

She cradles her broken wrist to her chest, backing away from you. Fear flashes in her eyes when she realizes that she's made a mistake, but instead of it making you feel powerful, it makes you pause.

Being a hero was difficult. You watched how so many others abused their powers over the years, feigning to be pure and heroic but really succumbing to dark urges when no one was looking. It was also why you hated Herogasm.

You hated it because you knew what happened to the normal people, the ones that thought they would be safe with the heroes they admired so much. You'd watched Ben lose control more than once, knew stories of innocent people that were hurt, not that Countess was innocent. But you never liked to hurt people with your powers. Standing here in this trailer made you guilty and watching her cower away from you made you guilty despite your shared history and her harsh words.

"So I'm just going to ask one more time, what happened to Ben?" You force your voice into a snarl, shaking off the guilt.

Because it was necessary. It wasn't just about you settling something from years ago, it was about Ben.

She deserves this, she isn't a good person.

"Go to hell." She spits at you.

You grab her by the front of her red suit and throw her away into the small kitchen. Countess' body crashes into the lopsided brown cabinets with a solid thwacking sound smashing through the flimsy structures. Blood drips down the side of her face from where she hit the cabinet corner, blending into her reddish hair. She rises from the ground with an angry snarl, clutching a dirty knife in her hand.

"I don't want to get tetanus from that. I can't remember when my last shot was-" You begin to say with a sigh.

She swipes the air in a vicious arc, but you grab her by the wrist, dodging the knife. "You never learn do you?"

The wrist twists to the side in your hand with a loud snapping sound followed by Countess' scream that reverberates in your skull as you break her other arm. "Pretty soon you're gonna be out of limbs, so I'd start talking."

Countess drops to her knees as the pain begins to seep into her body. "Fine. I'll tell you-"

"Then do it."

"He's not dead."

As the world stops spinning a high pitched ringing in your ears takes over, filling the monotonous drone of seconds ticking past. The past forty years no longer matter, the next hundred wouldn’t either, because Ben wasn't dead. As much as you hated him, the thought chilled you to your core, because then where the hell was he?

"Or at least he wasn't when they took him." She mutters, holding her arms to her chest.

"What did you do?" Your voice comes out in a whisper because you can hardly speak let alone comprehend what she's saying. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" You scream, grabbing her by the front of her suit.

"They wanted him." She spits.

"Who did?"

"The Russians. They wanted him and they took him!"

"You sold him out to the Russians?" You roar, hauling her up into the air so close you can smell what she ate for lunch. "Why? Did they pay you?"

"No. We all hated him!" She snarls. "But you were always around." Her mouth twitches into a painful smile. "It was so easy to get him to fuck me. I knew it would drive you away, you'd wanted him for so long and he didn't give a damn about you. And then you weren't there to protect him!" She laughs through the pain that builds in her chest.

I was right. She fucked him to make me angry, to get me to turn my back on him. I wasn't there to help him and they sold him out the first chance they got.

"He always wanted me more than you, knew that I could satisfy him better than you ever could. You really thought that he could love you? Ben doesn’t love anyone!” Her eyes glint with malice. “And you’re still the same pathetic little girl who begged Ben for his co-“

Her head tears from her shoulders in you hands cutting off her next words, the explosion of blood from her carotid artery spraying your face, and soaking into your ruined clothes. The ringing is back, filling the void of silence in the air that followed the tearing of bone and sinew.

You stand there for a minute holding it, not quite comprehending what you've just done. You hadn't lost control in a long time, not since you had the fight with Ben about Countess, or when you threw your sofa through one of the walls in your apartment and then broke every piece of glass, windows included, and had to move when you found out he was dead.

Or not dead. The thought chills you. Payback handed him over to the Russians, where he's been for the past 40 years? Why? Just because he was irrational, angry, and a dick? There's got to be more to it than that. Stan would have never allowed that. Soldier Boy was his golden boy, his meal ticket-

You think about the last forty years of hating Ben, cursing him, trying to forget him, wishing that you'd never loved him. The night you fought washes over you, bringing the anger, frustration, and heartbreak roaring back. The head in your hands smashes into mush as the memories barrage your mind, surging over the dam you built to keep them away.

You and Ben had always watched each other's backs. It was the promise you made to each other before all of this started, on the night he asked you to come with him and leave everything you knew behind. You knew him better than anyone else.

And yes maybe he fucked me once and I told him I loved him and he immediately went out and fucked Countess-

Your heart cracks in your chest with the thought, the heartbreak coming back in a wave of sadness that makes you shudder.

But you couldn't leave him, because you knew he would have never left you. Ben may have said that he didn't care about you, but you knew in your gut that Ben would have torn anyone apart who hurt you. He's always protected you. Even before you became supes together.

You stare back down at the mush coating your hands and the front of your clothes.

Why the fuck is everything so complicated?

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When you get back to your apartment you're covered in a thin layer of soot, from blowing up the trailer, and a layer of blood and brain matter from removing and crushing her head. You hoped that by blowing up her home and burning her body with your newfound abilities that it would be enough to cover your tracks, but you were uneasy. The buzz of killing her and the shock of her revelation had worn off, but was now replaced with a numbness when you think about what could have happened to Ben, what could still be happening to him.

The shower does little to ease your mind and sleep evades you, despite the exhaustion that pulls at your limbs for using your powers. Dying usually meant that you needed to replenish that energy, but you couldn't muster the enthusiasm to do that. You just felt listless. The last forty years felt like a lie, felt like a waste, because as you’d been living your life Ben had been trapped in Russia.

So you open your laptop on the counter, wet hair soaking through your sleepshirt, and begin to research flights to Russia leaving within the next few days.

I have no idea where I'm going. I go to Russia and then what? Where in Russia? The Kremlin? Yeah let me just waltz right up to that.

You lean forward with your head in your hands thinking about Butcher. He came here because he wanted to know more about Ben. Maybe he knew where he was. He was the one who mentioned Russia.

You pull the card he left behind on your counter towards you, rubbing your thumb over the number. Legend said he kills supes. So is that what he wanted? To find Ben and kill him? The thought makes a chill travel down your spine, immediately followed by the primal urge to protect Ben. But what had Ben ever done to him?

You look at the number again.

If I call him, he's going to know that I was lying. Not that I'm scared of him.

You finally pick up your phone and dial the number, but it goes to voicemail.

"Hey this is Y/f/n Y/l/n. I just remembered a few things about Soldier Boy and thought you'd like to discuss them. Just give me a call-back whenever you get this."

You hang up the phone and sit there for a minute, eyeing the coffee that sits untouched next to your open laptop.

I killed someone today. The thought should be chilling, but you feel no remorse, no guilt.

Is that because I think she deserved it?

Your mind goes back to what she said about Ben sleeping with you, what he told her about you. The urge to cry rises in your chest with the memory of her words.

You remembered that night. You had been so excited. Ben had taken you out to dinner for your birthday, despite your insistence that you'd celebrated enough of those. The restaurant was quiet, secluded, different than the flashy world the both of you were living in. It had reminded you of before you took the Compound V, when you were still normal. The food was good, there was flirting and hand holding at dinner, and finally a slow dance when he kissed you for the first time.

And when he took you back to your apartment and to bed, it didn’t seem like a quick fuck, it didn't feel like cheap sex. The way he took care of you, held your hand, said your name, looked at you, held you close to him after, and the soft smile on his face that he had only when it was the two of you- it felt special. He made it special for you because he knew how important it was for you.

Tears slip down your cheeks. It would have been one of your favorite memories if you didn't know what followed, what was going to happen the next morning or in the next 24 hours.

"Guess it was just a lie." You mutter to yourself, wiping the back of your hand across your eyes.

The next morning when you woke up in his arms you couldn't help but tell him that you loved him, whisper it to him, more happy than you'd ever been curled against his chest. You remembered the way he looked at you, like you were crazy and then he left for his movie premiere even though we were supposed to go together muttering flimsy excuses as to why he had to leave. And finally the image of him and Countess in the bathroom crashes over you, sending shards of glass back into your heart.

You thought that by now you'd picked them all out.

More tears drip down your cheeks, as your thoughts drift back to Ben and the years that followed that night. You sigh considering what to do.

I wish I could just forget, wish that I could leave him, but I can't.

But that didn’t mean you had to forgive him.

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After a night of no sleep, you stand poised over the wooden chest in the back of your closet. Packing for the flight that left in two days was turning into a bigger task than you'd thought.

Your current wardrobe wasn't suited for storm the capital city of Russia and kill everything in your path to find Ben, it was more suited for late night painting and art shows. The amount of paint stained overalls, oversized band t-shirts, sweatpants, and dresses in your closet was astounding and none of which screamed "fear me." You would definitely need to go to the mall to find more things that you could move in, if need be, and find things that hid your identity. All it took was one photo or video linked online and everyone would know that you weren’t dead.

You knew that no one would be willing to talk to you, give up the information willingly, not to mention if you really had to break into the Kremlin it was not going to be a walk in the park.

It wasn't that you were out of shape. You still trained during the week, took self-defense classes, and worked out to prevent yourself from going soft, but fighting Countess was the first time in forty years that you had faced another supe and you weren’t up to speed on the supes that the Russian government employed.

You also didn't like the idea that you were going in blind. There could be any number of men there, any kind of supes, and anything waiting for you.

But the truth was, deep down you didn't care. What the rest of Payback did had ignited something deep inside you. You knew that people were going to die if they stood in front of you, but the urge to protect Ben rose above all else. Because you still loved him, despite everything he said, despite everything he did, he was still Ben after all this time and you couldn't let him go that easily.

You hold up your supe suit in front of you. It was made specifically for you, designed of a breathable material that made movement easy, not to mention the hood and mask did a wonderful job of concealing who you were.

I really don't want to wear this again. You think to yourself, eyeing the smooth material. It wasn't that you hated your suit, it was what it represented. If you wore that again, you'd be Indigo and you'd spent the past forty years trying to put as much distance between you and your superhero career as possible. You would be recognized instantly.

Could I even squeeze into this thing again?

You look at yourself in the floor length mirror on the opposite side of your walk in closet. You looked the same as you always had. Countess’ jeer about you being big makes you flinch again, bringing another cloud of insecurity over your mind.

Maybe that’s why he never slept with me before that night. Maybe that’s why he ran to Countess.

The thought is immediately followed by the image of Missy Callahan at your 16th birthday and how Ben clung to her. Then followed by your mother’s constant attempts to hide your figure. And finally, followed by all the other women you had ever seen Ben with. None of the others had looked like you. You shake off the urge to cry and look back at the suit.

Maybe I can paint over the purple, make it only black? Would that really change it that much?

Suddenly your phone rings, shattering the still silence in your apartment. For a second you hope that it's Butcher returning your call, but when you lift the phone to your ear you realize that it's something much worse.

"Hello?"

"I need you." The familiar voice says.

Shit.

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Thank you so much for reading! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know :)

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lyluvsgyu · 1 year

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Watching him fade away part 3;

Part 1

Part 2

Genre: angst/comfort/smut (in part.2)

Warnings: self-doubt, trust issues, crying, angsty stuff

a/n: to the few people who were waiting for this part, I'm so sorry it took so long, I just had no motivation to write and was dealing with stuff, I hope it's not too late! enjoy this.♥︎

Reminder: this doesn't portray beomgyu in real life at all

And just like that, a month had flown by, it was now June and the weather was getting warmer and warmer. The sun burnt your skin, and the heat could be felt throughout your whole body. You felt suffocated in your tiny apartment so you decided to go visit this new ice cream place in town.

You walked towards your shelf in hopes of finding something light and flowy to wear. As you scanned your clothes, your eyes landed on pieces of clothing that tugged the strings of your heart ever so slightly. His clothes. The ones you were supposed to give back a while ago, but you never called him, and neither did he.

It had almost slipped your mind, with the seasons changing you had believed the small thoughts that clouded your mind would just slip away, but now it was all you could think about. What's he doing right now? Is he thinking about you like you're thinking of him watching your clothes? "Probably not" you think. And you decided to not busy yourself with those questions anymore. "I mean, we weren't even dating, this is ridiculous", you tell yourself as you grab a random pair of shorts and a large flowy shirt.

You forget all about Beomgyu as you walk out and head toward the ice cream place, it was around 4pm when you arrived, the place was packed, full of warm laughter and conversations, the summer ambiance slowly settling in. You saw an empty table for two next to a big table of six people chatting, so you took a menu and went to sit.

Right now you weren't really paying attention to your surroundings, instead focusing on the menu in front of you, one earphone in, listening to "sunny days- wave to earth" as background music. Settling for a hazelnut, chocolate, and pistachio milkshake. When you start looking up from the menu to look around for a waiter, you feel a weird sense of familiarity, hearing a laugh you feel like you recognized from a table of around four people. You turn your head to said table and meet eyes with a brown-haired boy, and it's as though you feel electricity running through your body as you see him again.

it's so weird and a whirlpool of emotions runs through your mind, you can feel your eyebrows scrunch and your mouth forming a frown as if you were about to cry, but then you feel some amount of relief. He's still here, he isn't gone, he may not be "with you" anymore, but he's still him, with brown hair that suited him so much. It was a ringing loud mess in your head and all your senses tingled, you felt glued to his eyes. Although this all happened in the span of 2 seconds, you felt like you looked at him for around a minute. Beomgyu's face seems slightly disturbed like he wonders if that's really you. But you don't know much more, as you notice a waiter and tell him your order while trying to calm down. You still somehow feel his gaze on you, so out of curiosity you tilt your head and find him looking at you intensely.

On his side, Beomgyu was looking at you, heart filled with regret and affection, wondering if behind your pretty eyes, you knew what you really meant to him. He made the mistake of letting you go once, and couldn't repeat it twice. So when you caught his gaze for a second time, he took his phone in hand and wrote you a simple "hi", then motioned to his phone while still looking at you so you could answer.

Your phone rang with a little "ping", as you watched beomgyu show his phone with his finger. You look down and saw his text. You're not sure why he would text you, and truthfully you're not sure this is a great idea, knowing this is just going to end just like last time. But you don't overthink it and just imagine that surely he just wants his clothes back, so you text back "hi?". You look back up at him and see a very slight smile form on his face. You send a second text, "is this about your clothes? you can just come to my table and we can talk quickly about it" and another one, "and also as you know I live near here so.."

His smile slowly disappears and you see him saying something to his friends as he stands up and comes up to your table. Your heart is beating extremely fast as you stress about what you're going to say. He sits in front of you and breaks the ice "it's been a while y/n, how have you been?" , you sense some nostalgia in his question, and you answer "you know, just living. I've been okay, how about you?".

You catch up with him a little, but you don't allow yourself to elongate the conversation, so you say "So, about your clothes, since that's why you came here in the first place, giving I live near, we can stop by my place so you can quickly get them back.", Beomgyu answered with some kind of regret in his tone "Yeah sure let's go when you get your order".

Then, a comfortable silence found its way into the conversation, and you both reminisced about your aging times together. But it didn't last long as the waiter handed you your order. You exchanged a knowing look with Beomgyu and you both got up, going towards the cashier. You took your wallet out of your tote bag, and as you were about to get the money out, Beomgyu was already paying with his phone. "Thanks, I'll pay you back, here", you handed him some money that he declined stating that he wanted to pay for you. You questioned his action, but he didn't explain further, saying it was just out of kindness.

As you were walking together to your house, he saw the single headphone in your ear and you noticed, so you asked if he wanted to use the other one. He smiled fondly and agreed. The song 500 Days- dept played softly in both of your ears. The air was getting lighter around you two, and you felt kind of at peace by his side.

You arrived in front of your building, and you started typing in your code, asking him to wait here for you since you weren't going to take long, but, taking off his earphone Beomgyu exclaimed "Wait!". Your hand unconsciously stopped moving, and you faced him, tilting your head in a questioning way. "What's up?". You saw some panic in his eyes so you reached for his hand and held it tightly out of instinct, just like he did for you around a month ago when you were crumbling down. "Hey, it's okay, you can talk don't worry", you said. "I don't want my clothes back, okay? I haven't been able to sleep properly ever since you left" and in your ear, a faded "everything-the black skirts", played. You couldn't utter a sound, just watching him with wide-open eyes still holding his hand. "I just miss you more than I could've ever imagined. And I don't want to let go of you twice. I hate myself for what I did, for hurting you with my doubts, and for letting you go heartbroken. I regret everything, I regret not telling you how I really felt that day. I'm just so scared. I'm scared of it going wrong and getting hurt. What if you just leave me for someone who can take care of you better than I can? I'm a huge mess and I can't just-", you interrupted him as small tears streamed down his pretty face. "Beomgyu, please don't say that. Don't be like that. I missed you so much too, I kept trying to forget it all but I just couldn’t. None of this is your fault, I'm selfish for trying to keep you to myself while you were dealing with your issues. You're the one that's all too good for me. You're too sweet, and I'm sure I don't deserve you. But despite all of it, despite my ways and your doubts, I still am in love with you.". You surprised yourself as you let the words spill out of your mouth. "I need you Beomgyu, I just can't explain, you're everything to me, and I miss whatever we had.", your lip trembled a bit and you felt warm humidity in your eyes, blurring your vision. You were letting out all that you had bottled up and tried to forget this past month. "You can trust me Beomgyu, I would never, ever, harm you".

At that, he pulled your hand and engulfed you in a warm, emotion-filled hug. You felt immensely close to him, you felt like the walls were finally coming down, and you could finally hug him in all he was. You buried your head in his chest and held him tight. His forehead rested on your strawberry-scented hairs and you both cried. This hug meant so much more than any of the nights you had spent together, this was so much better, as you both allowed yourselves to feel everything, to finally feel worthy of the other's love.

After 5 minutes of sniffling and crying, you withdrew out of the hug, taking both of his hands in yours, no words were needed, and he gently put his hand behind your neck, pulling you in a tender, loving kiss. He disconnected from your lips and whispered only for you two to hear “I love you”.

You felt infinitely connected to him and mostly, relieved.

-----------------

taglist for those who were asking for the part 3; @yjluvr-4ever @yerins-things @fairyofshampgyu @bangtanattic @julie03 ;; if i forgot anyone lmk!!

//sorry if i made any mistakes

#angst #beomgyu smut #txt smut #beomgyu #beomgyu angst #choi beomgyu smut #txt hard hours #txt x reader #txt angst #beomgyu x reader

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thoseyoulove · 2 months

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@gayboymolloy thank you for tagging me! And let me say, your taste??? >>> I've been listening to Chappell Roan lately and her music is sooooo great. I've basically only listened to 3 people since 2021, but I have opened an exception for her because she's that awesome. ^^

Tagging: @jaypentaghast, @unhinged-nonsense, @hearfrost, @waterghoulcalamity, @andy4yippee, I tried to tag more people here, but it didn't work so... If anyone sees this and wants to answer, consider yourself tagged because I love finding more about y'all. :)

Anyway, this got too long because whenever I'm given an opening to talk about things I love I lose control... But here we go. :p

9 People You Want To Know Better!

Three ships: I'm terrible at picking a favorite anything, or even a top 3, I have like 12 or 13 ships that I'm equally obsessed with... But these are *SOME* of them. <3

Emisue (Dickinson)

Is it a gay thing to have beautiful kisses that look like a Renaissance painting? They're such a beautiful ship, but they impacted me on a personal as well. This was the first time I saw a queer ship that was beautifully written, had loads of chemistry and was executed with care (the fact they had so many queer people and women on the show, specially Ella - who played Sue - made everything even better). They weren't your subtle and digestible queer ship for conservatives and they weren't overly sexualized for straight people with a fetish. They were something else. The way their problems weren't really about being queer/internalized queerphobia and even individual things like Emily's 'coming out scenes' being full of acceptance, support and even celebration were SO FULFILLING. It was amazing to watch from a viewer point of view, but also really formative to me as I came to find and embrace more of myself.

Malina (Shadow and Bone)

Mind you that they aren't even together here, they're just imagining each other, it's just that the chemistry was THAT awesome. First love. Childhood love. Friends to lovers. Linked by destiny. Can just sense one another. They'll always find each other. But they also chose one another and made their own story in a way destiny never could do it for them. The world against them and them against the world. "It was always you". Malina mixed all my favorite tropes and some that I hated with a passion and created a masterpiece.

Royjamie (Ted Lasso)

A lot of their problems stemmed from the fact they were thirst for each other and they would've fixed things sooner if they'd just been grown ups about it and fucked yk. These two were meant to be a big part of each other's arc, but the fact they got even bigger than what it was initially planned because the actors were inseparable and crazy about each other? And the chemistry was that amazing? And how they grew so much as individuals and boyfriends through the seasons? And 3x06 that was basically the cutest and longest date ever with them exploring Amsterdam from morning to late at night, opening up, trying new things, riding a bike together etc? And how Phil and Brett are just one of the cutest, messiest, most insane and chaotic best bros in real life who kind of lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship just makes everything SO MUCH BETTER.

First ship: I can't remember for sure, but if this wasn't the very first, it was the second, tops.

Villadero/Cordueva (Jane the Virgin)

Jane and Michael are really special to me because I think so often couples are about the flirting, sensuality and physical attraction, and it's not that they don't have that because they definitely do, but I think ships usually lack more. And when they do have more, it's usually a will-they-won't-they, on-and-off, love triangles, fights etc, because apparently writers believe dragging things out to the point it gets unbearable is better than just letting them have a stable and deep relationship? Specially back then, now things are getting better (I still think we're taking baby steps, but at least there's some progress), but Jane and Michael were the VERY FIRST couple I saw having that kind of relationship and it was a life-changing moment in television for me. That's not to say they didn't have some of those problems, they did, but they actually worked on them and evolved as people and a couple. I got to see them from their first meet cute (and it was the BEST meet cute ever), him getting a noise complaint about her 21st birthday party and a drunk Jane confusing him for a stripper, grabbing and shooting his gun, only to find out he was a real cop and then not only he didn't arrest her, but spent the whole night talking to her while she sobers up, getting to genuinely know her until it was morning?! Really, doesn't get more wholesome than that. And I saw them become full committed adults who grew together through the years, them working on their careers, Jane starting her first book, Michael getting his first medal, Michael being a close friend to her parents instead of just being a son-in-law to them, the two getting married, living together, being a family, going back home to each other at the end of a long day, going out to have some fun time... Being more than just two people who are attracted to each other, but two people who loved fully each other in every aspect of the word, who were best friends, confidants, who genuinely enjoyed each other's company, who would crack up out loud together, that had a life inside and inside and out of home. It was a gift. And so much of it was the natural chemistry of the actors that got along so well and loved that pairing, too. No wonder the entire cast rooted for them.

Last song: Fur Elise by Faouzia

youtube

There are ONLY THREE singers/groups in the world that I'm truly obsessed with and Faouzia is one of them. Her music is out-of-this world, specially her powerful voice and beautiful melodies (she has my favorite melodies ever). Tomorrow she'll be on the finals of a singing competition and she really deserves to win, specially after working herself like crazy making, recording AND releasing new songs, music videos, commercials, doing full concerts and even learning a bit of freaking Chinese ALL IN JUST *TWO* MONTHS! As I get ready to vote like crazy for her tomorrow, I'm listening to all of her songs for good luck. :p And Fur Elise is one of my favorite songs ever and a true masterpiece.

Last TV show: Interview with the Vampire.

Currently reading: Six of Crows by Lady Bardugo, but I'm gonna start The Vampire Chronicles soon. I have no idea if I will like them, let alone love it as much as the show (it's my favorite show in the universe), but I'm so curious to get to know the characters, be able to fully talk about the universe with other fans and know what can possibly happen in the future seasons that I will do it anyway... I just need to figure out where to begin, because I want to skip the first book (for now) since the show has already covered it. I hope it's possible to start with a book that has all the main characters that appear on the show, but I'm still gathering information to know what's necessary to read and what isn't, the best order to do it etc. :p Anyway, I have attention issues so that will surely be tricky, but I'm just so curious about IWTV that I have to do it, lol. And I also can't drop SoC or I'll forget it and will have to start it from scratch all over again... I've read like 3/4 of the book so I can't let that go to waste either lmao. I'll just give certain days of the week to each book and eventually finish them (hopefully in time for season 3), lol.

Currently watching: Still Up, Silo, House of the Dragon, The Purge, The Lazarus Project. I'm pretty early into these shows and don't really know what to think about them yet, though. I do have a soft spot for Antonia Thomas because she played one of my favorite and nicest characters ever (Claire Browne, The Good Doctor), so it's good to see her face. And Silo has Chinaza Uche, who had a supporting role in Dickinson, but he was so charismatic that I wanted to see him have a longer screen time somewhere else. I hear he's been promoted to a bigger role on season 2, so let's hope I make that far and get to see him shine lol. I also have some shows with sapphic and/or non-binary/androgynous/fluid characters people recommended that I'm gonna try. :)

Currently eating: Nothing, but the last thing was steak, rice and potatoes. :p

Currently craving: Also nothing, but the last time I craved anything was a cheeseburger with cheddar. Not even joking when I say it's been over a year since I had one lol. #fml

#Youtube #games

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icouldntcareless22 · 2 years

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The Deal (2)

Summary: She was officially failing in life and most importantly in university! With her grades hanging of the edge of a thread and tutors rejecting her left and right her only option is to make a deal with the devil a.k.a Kim Seungmin.A deal should always be fair. Your grades in exchange for Kim Seungmin's dream girl. Simple?...Right?!

Word Count: 35k

Slight enemies to lovers, idiots to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff.

No warnings, some foul language.

AN: Finally it's here! Tumblr won't let me post it in one post, so I am forced to divide into two parts. Would you be interested in SKZ x Greek Mythology theme? Hope you enjoy!!!

Part 1

@lethallyprotected

Well it was time.

The holiday season.

The absurd seasonal drinks you were making all day confirmed that.

It was your last shift before taking off to your hometown and everyone on campus decided to pay you a visit today. You were running all around the place, making sugary sweet coffee and foamy milks until the smile was swiped off your face. It was the morning shift so that meant you were getting off at four. A quick glance told you it was 3:30 pm and the half hour that was left was pure torture.

But it passed.

At the end of your shift, you hung your apron to the back room and bid your coworkers and boss the appropriate Christmas wishes and temporary goodbyes. And you went straight home to start getting ready. You were calculating the time it would take you to get ready tomorrow morning and when should you leave to get there on time, when your phone interupting your train of thought.

You checked the id caller and saw Seungmin was calling you. Well, that was a surprise!

You slid your finger over the screen accepting it and exclaimed loudly "Puppy!"

"I told you not to call me that" he grumbled under his breath. "Where are you?"

You mentally checked before answering.

You didn't forget any lessons today.

And you didn't have any plans with him or the rest of them.

"On my way home" you replied carefully, voice so low that you doubted he was able to hear it.

A pause and then "Weren't you working today?"

"Yeah, my shift ended like 10 minutes ago" you snorted as you crossed the street.

"Oh.." he only said. But you could hear noise on the background like he was outside.

"Seungmin where are you?" You inquired, curious.

"At the coffee shop.." he replied, sounding defeated.

You laughed at that. "Why?!"

"I came by to drop one of your notebooks cause tomorrow you are leaving early" he hastily explained. It was true he had one of your notebooks, but it wasn't like it couldn't wait until after Christmas.

You bit your lip, unsure of what to say but opening your mouth all the same. "Well..I am going home you can.. swing by and leave it to me...If it isn't much trouble!"

"No, I will be there." he replied "You want anything from outside?"

"No, I am okay. I will..see you in ten" you replied.

"See ya in five" he said before hanging up.

You quickened your steps, almost fast walking to your house. You reached in no time and climbed the steps in a hurry. At first glance it didn't seem too bad, but it was in no state for visitors. So you began twirling, picking up whatever caught your eye first. You just finished tucking your bed when a knock sounded.

"Coming!"you said, rushing to the door and throwing it open to reveal a flushed from the cold Seungmin. He greeted you politely and entered your home, bringing along with him a plastic bag. You looked up and saw him fumbling.

"I..I thought that maybe we can watch that movie you said the other day.."he got out, not really looking you straight at the eyes.

You tucked your hair behind your ear, sending him a smile. "Sure! I would love to! Thanks for the snacks" You replied and took the bag from his hand.

You shoved him lightly towards your couch and made your way to the kitchen to plate the pop corn he brought. Only to feel him hover behind you. You threw a glance and there he was leaning against the kitchen table, in all his glory.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" He interjected.

"Around 9. The train leaves at 10 but we said with Yuqi to be there a little earlier" he hummed, clearly approving of your plans. "How about you?"

"I am leaving the day after tomorrow. We said with the guys to hang tomorrow evening" This time it was your turn to humm in approval. Some time out with his friends would do him good. He was way too couped up in his house.

"What are you doing for the holidays?" You wondered as you opened up a bottle of coke as well. The less your fridge had for the holidays the better. You still could recall the horrifying smell of the food that had gone bad while you were away visiting your family. Never again.

"Probably, I will just stay home. I talked with Jeongin- You don't know him.."he trailed off once he remembered.

"Baby faced with dimples?" You asked, reaching for the glasses.

He wordlessly nodded as he took a step closer and pulled them down for you.

"Thanks. I have seen him around"you confirmed, turning to him.

"Where?" He asked, doubtful.

"With you. Around the school. You know I see many people on a regular basis"you joked, recalling the faces that pasted through the store today and you shuddered.

"I guess. Anyways, we said that maybe... we can take a trip to go skiing" he said, absentmindedly as he grabbed the full plate and walked towards your couch. He set the plate down only to unravel your bed, which you had previously set. For a moment you stood there watching him in your space. He didn't ask where to sit like the first time. He had been here by now multiple times and you found yourself liking this intimacy. Him at your space.

When you didn't reply he turned towards you with one eyebrow raised. So you shook yourself out of the daydream you had and replied something like 'you will only hurt yourselves'

You quickly settled down beside him on your bed, searching for a calm movie to watch. Through a hasty search and your displeasure with the lack of good movies, you selected Lilo & Stitch, which you absolutely adored. You expected whines and arguments from your company, but only silent greeted you as the movie started. You looked over at him, only iluminated by your laptop's light and had an absurd thought.

You would miss him during the holidays.

The next morning you were running in the cold streets, alongside Yuqi. Running with all your might, although exhausting, managed to secure you spots on the second running train of the day. Your journey was calm and quickly you parted ways with Yuqi, strolling towards the opposite direction. Your dad and your grandparents welcomed you warmly into your house and all together you sat until the early evening simply catching up.

The rest two days you were spent in a relaxing state, you were simply sleeping and talking with your family. The third day you caught up with some old friends. Some you hadn't seen since forever, so it felt good to know they were doing well and some you still regularly contacted, so you were more aware of their news.

As you were walking back, your friends came in mind. What was Yuqi doing? Was Yuna well? Ryunjin got back safe from her trip to her boyfriend? How about Wooyoung and Jisung? Were they out there causing trouble? ...How about Seungmin?

You fumbled with your phone for a bit, before unlocking it. You strolled through your contacts before briefly stopping above his name.

You bit into your lower lip before locking your phone. You would be a bother. You didn't really talk the last days, besides the occasional meme you sent. It would be weird to call him all of a sudden, wouldn't it?

Your phone suddenly rang and you nearly jumped out of your skin. You quickly turned your phone over and a gasp left you. The screen displayed the name, that you couldn't bring yourself to call just now. You accepted the call straight away.

"Hey Y/N" he greeted quietly.

"Hey Seungmin"you shyly greeted back, unsure what to say now that you were on the line with him. "How have you been?"

"Good, good. My parents stuffed me with as much food as they could. I made plans with Jeongin this weekend as well."

"Mmm your ski trip. Sounds wonderful! My dad had a feast for me as well. I am just now returning from an outing with friends." You said as you walked further down the familiar street.

"Am I interrupting you?" He asked as the thought just dawned on him.

"No! No, I am just walking home. Actually I wanted to call too. I was wondering what you were up to" you shyly admitted, not knowing if it was okay for you to do that. Your nerves soon calmed at his response.

"Me too. I just stayed at home today. Watched a baseball game."

"Yeah, dad was watching too when I left" you giggled, amused to hear him grumble at his team defeat.

And so the calls continued for the next 2-3 days.

And one day calls turned into a video calls. He was only exploring the app and by chance called you, he said. You didn't complain, you just sat and humored him, but imagine your surprise when the video call invitation popped up.

Here you were today laying on your bed, trying to do math and you had mostly.. completed them, when you stumbled upon a problem you couldn't quite solve. So you decided, that a call to your tutor would be required. So here you were with your hair up and flying everywhere and your pjs on, contemplating to call or not. In the end you sat up, letting your hair down and combing them swiftly before making the call. You waited for a the first beep and then for the second and third and when you were about to hung up, the call was accepted.

It was a small comfort that he was in a similar state as you. Clearly in his sleepwear, hair messy enough to match your own and face pressed against his pillow. He seemed just as cuddly as the stuffed animals you had back in the days.

"Hey"you whispered into your screen.

"Hey"he replied, sounding sleepy.

"If I called at a bad time I can.." you trailed off, suddenly regretting your choice. You should have checked the time or send a message ahead.

"No, I was just watching a movie. What's up?" He sat up and stretched to get rid of the stiffness in his body.

"I was doing math and I am stuck on this one problem." You mumbled, embarrassed.

"Look at you! Doing your homework!" He chuckled, making you roll your eyes "Let me see" you shifted your camera towards the notebook on your bed. The explanation was brief and quite simple, much to your surprise, but instead of hanging up you ended chatting casually. Only when he made himself more comfortable on his bed, you saw the background. "Is that you on the photos?" You asked, trying to cran your neck to see better.

He paused for a moment before confirming your guesses with a nod.

"Can I see?" You interjected excitingly.

He slowly turned the camera towards his desk. A photo of him in a baseball suit adored your screen. He would be about ten,smiling brightly to the camera, or you guessed, his parents, proudly holding his bat. In the next he was in the arms of his parents, clearly celebrating his second birthday, judging by the number on that cake. And in the third he was in highschool on his sides Minho and the black haired boy that you vaguely recognized as Jeongin. He wasn't smiling full on the last one, a small smile adored his face.

"You were so cute!" You exclaimed, laughing. You couldn't see his face as he hadn't turned the camera yet but you knew he would be scoffing at you. "Don't you have more photos?"

"A few.." Short it was the reply and his tone anxious but that didn't fazed you in the slightest.

"Show me" you demanded, making yourself comfortable.

And so, he did show the few ones he had in his room. He even ventured into to his living room to show the bigger pictures his parents had hung up. Once again in the safety of his room, you were gussing over his photos

"You really were a beautiful child!"you teased him.

"Yeah. Right" he scoffed and paused for a bit. He met your stare through the camera and immediately lowered it as he softly spoke again. "You know my schoolmates used to tease me a lot. Not really bullying, but.. they would say-" he paused as if he said too much.

The cheery atmosphere shifted. His uncomfortable state wasn't something that sat right with you. It felt wrong to see such a level headed person being anxious over sharing his past experiences. You bit your lip, wondering if you should let it go or encourage him to talk to you. A look at his lowered head had you gently speaking words of encouragement. "If you wanna talk about it, I will listen"

He raised his head and looked at you. He was thinking hard about this, but after a good look at you, he signed and continued his story. "They would call me mouth-monster or ugly. I had braces when I was younger, as you saw." You had thought they were adorable. Why would they tease him about something as simple as this?

"They didn't really continued it for long. Only a couple of months. Maybe a year top. But..you know. Later, I learned Minho threatened them to stop. And who saw Minho and wasn't scared of him. I really own him one" He let out a humorless laugh.

He was trying to talk about it as if it didn't bother him, as if he was untouchable and it broke your heart a little. He was facing down again, not really looking at you so you coed him gently.

"That's why I went into the dentist care. I guess I wanted to help the kids that were like me. Maybe if I was told earlier I wouldn't have to wear them and-..." He looked at you from underneath his lashes. "Maybe if I had been told that I have a beautiful smile more often, it would have been better.. different"

You could only look at the boy in front of you, your heart breaking at his soft admission. He only wanted someone to tell him he's beautiful. And damn you, if you didn't!

"Seungmin I think you were beautiful as a child. And I think you are even more beautiful as an adult. You have a amazing smile and you are kind to talk about it as if they aren't the scum bags." That one got a laugh out of him. "Have you seen the comments on your Instagram? They were fighting over who got to have you" you joked, trying to lighten the mood.

And it worked as a flush was covering his face now and an embarrassing laugh left him. "But really shouldn't think that about yourself. You are wonderful and you should see yourself as that. You only have yourself in this lifetime. Treasure yourself, Minnie"

He looked as if he would cry for a moment, but then he smiled at you. That smile at the photo, the mega watt full smile that lit up his whole face. You couldn't keep a smile off your own face.

"My eyes! I am blinded by beauty!" You cried and flang yourself out of the screen.

"Y/N!!" Giggles left your phone, showing Seungmin also yeeting himself out of the screen. You layed down and brought the phone closer to your face. He mimicked your stance and the conversation flowed down on more easy paths.

"Don't you have your own home?!" You asked incredulously as your video call was answered once again by none othe than Jeongin himself.

"I can say the same for you, Noona! Don't you have other..friends to call?" He said with a pause full of meaning, his foxy eyes almost staring you down. You felt the blood rush to your face at his words and sure enough you were red.

"Seungmin!" You called again in hopes of catching his attention.

"Mmm" he mumbled mid bite, his mouth and fingers stained from the chips he was munching on. He briefly looked over to you before returning his gaze back to the screen.

"Did you really call me to watch Brooklyn 99 together?" You asked, amused by the boy with the stuffed cheeks in your screen.

"Yeah! Now shhhh! We're missing the best part!" He whined, pointing to the tv you couldn't see.

You laughed at him but turned on your laptop and went with it.

The morning air was biting you in the ass.

The crispy winter morning wasn't tolerable at all and if only your dad didn't drug you here for your morning holiday tradition, you would be happily sleeping away the cold. But here you were with a basket on your hands and trailing behind him, half awake.

"What gift should we buy for grandma and grandpa?" He wondered as he inspected a pink wooly shawl.

"Probably something for the winter would be good. You know they get cold easily." You thought out loud, inspecting the shawl as well. It seemed warm and you adored the color.

"Should we?" He asked back just as unsure. Your grandparents never asked for anything for the holidays. They always accepted their gifts, whatever they were, with a smile and the familiar line of 'it was exactly what I wanted'. You snorted to yourself, they were too nice to tell you that you weren't cut out for gift buying.

Suddenly as you rounded an other corner of the market, a stall caught your attention. The stall was full of baseball merchandise. But what caught your attention was a cap. It had the SK Wyverns logo on it and it was a nice shade of dark blue. For some reason, you saw it and immediately thought of Seungmin and how well it would fit him.

You didn't know you stopped walking until you heard your dad calling you. You snapped your head towards him, sheepishly and turned your attention back on the cap. You called the shop owner over and asked for a prize. It was a reasonable price, that's why you were buying it. Besides you had bought some gifts for the others, it would sadden him not to receive anything.

Your dad was quiet during the whole exchange, but you felt him figgeting beside you and working his courage to speak up. You wish he wouldn't.

"So who is the lucky guy

But he did.

"No one, just my friend."

"Hmm. You have a friend"

"Daaaad!" you whined, clearly not wanting to continue talking about it. But the old man paid you no mind and continued his 'investigation'.

"So when did you meet?"

You let out a breath. He wasn't letting it go. "He is my tutor. We met in the beginning on the semester. I was failing and-"

"You are failing?" He asked shocked. He turned towards you, alarmed and worried.

"I WAS falling. Keep up, dad. Seungmin helped me raise my grades back up."

He wasn't in a good state to hear anything right now "Honey we have talked about this. If you are having troubles with school, you tell me. I know you said you wanna work but if this is too much for you.. You don't have to work-"

"I have to work. How else can I support myself?" you cut him off, facing forward. You had strayed from the market paths and you were now walking to your truck.

"Excuse me? You say that as if I don't support you! Y/N we said that, if it compromise with your studies you would -"

"You said! I didn't said anything!" You talked back, already feeling the blood rushing to your head.

"Y/N!" He roared, taking you by surprise. Dad never yelled. He must be extremely furious to raise his tone like that. But right at this moment you couldn't force yourself to care, as you were in a similar state. "Do you have to be that damn stubborn all the time! We have talked about this! I didn't agree to you working in the first place! You-! Ugh! You still did! But! But this! This is taking things too far!" He spit on your face, his face growing redder and redder by the minute.

"You can barely manage here! How can you manage me too?!"you were both shouting at this point, anger taking over.

He took a step away from you, breathing heavily from his nose. You did the same catching your breath, your eyes were misty and you hated that. So you turned to the truck you had unconsciously reached, placed your things inside and stepped back. You turned to your father, who was stomping his way to the driver's seat and told him sharply "I will go and see if I can buy something for grandma and grandpa. I will see you at home"

You didn't expect an answer, you simply closed the door (albeit with a little more force than necessary) and disappeared into the crowd.

You wandered quite a bit, passed stalls and merchants as they shouted loudly to be heard over the others. You stopped in a few stalls to inspect some things that catch your fancy, but with your temples throbbing and your teeth still gritted on anger, you couldn't appreciate them right. So you wandered aimlessly across the market some more, until you grew tired and cold. You knew a place, where they sell the most amazing hot chocolate you've ever tasted and it was near the market so you headed there. It was a small shop, colours of yellow, green and white blended all together to create a childlike atmosphere that seemed to make you lighter when you headed in. You ordered your hot chocolate and sat at the window, trying to calm down.

Theoretically, you knew that your dad cared for you and that's why he told you to quit and pay attention only to school, but he would't be able to afford to pay for everything. You wanted to be able to go out and party with your friends without worrying if the money would be enough. You wanted to lighten the amount of rent your dad paid and help him around the house too. Help with your grandparents' meds and expenses too.

You signed and took out your phone to check the hour. 11:45 pm. It was still early for your next bus.

You unlocked your phone and played with it for a bit, before checking your messages. Yuqi and Yuna had replied to your last message and you had been sent memes by Wooyoung and.. Seungmin? You opened the message and saw it was a mathematical meme. Classic Seungmin. You laughed and called his number before realizing. When he answered after the first beep, you were shook out of your stupor.

"Hello?" He called "Y/N?"

"Hey. Yeah, it's me" you whispered shallowly. Why did you even call?

"What's up?" He asked.

"Nothing.. Nothing much! I just..wanted to chat" you said, not really knowing what to say. "Sorry I didn't know you were busy. I will talk-"

"It's okay. We just arrived with Jeongin to the rooms and we would take a rest anyway."

"Ohh right. You went skiing this weekend. How is it?" You asked as you nursered the rest of your chocolate.

"It's nice! The snow is thick enough so we can go skiing tomorrow" he exclaimed, clearly excited to slide through the snow and down the hill.

"Tell Jeongin to take videos of you falling. I need something to laugh at" you teased him lightly, still watching the busy market out of the window.

"..Y/N? Are you okay?" He asked quietly, probably sensing you weren't in the best mood. After months together when you didn't talk his ear off it was a red flag, you supposed.

"Mmm. Everything's fine" you replied.

Silence greeted you on the other side of the line and then. "If you wanna talk about it, I will listen"

A snort left you. "Gosh, I hate when you throw my words back to me" He laughed along with you trying to lighten up your mood. "Annoying isn't it?"he asked, still laughing.

"Yeah..it is" you paused briefly, but the need to tell him made you open your mouth again. "I had a fight with my dad." It was quiet for a moment, only the rustle of the bed as he sit up was heard.

"About?" He wondered.

"He found out that I was doing bad at math. He said to stop working and focus on school." You played with your cup, twirling it around in your now warm hands. People were slowly filling the store, but the seats around you remained empty.

"Okay" he dragged the word, trying to select his words carefully "And why did you fight?"

"It's just...money is tight, dad is struggling to make meet's end and pay for my grandparents' expenses. I am on scholarship and if I fail, it would only be more money-" you couldn't complete your sentence as tears choked you up.

Gosh you hated this.

You didn't like to cry. And there you stood, in a crowded shop, your only company your phone with tears streaking down your face.

He on the other line was panicking, never heard you cry this easily before. "Hey! Hey! Don't cry! Take a big breath for me."

And you listened to his instruction. You gulped as much air as you you could "Good. Good. Take more breaths for me" he coaxed you.

Breath in.

Breath out.

You continued breathing, calming yourself enough.

"Ok?" He asked, uncertain.

"Yeah..I just.. don't wanna be a burden to him. I wanna help. If I have a job that means one less worry for him. It isn't easy, I don't want to work all the time. I wanna have fun but I can't be a burden to him, Seungmin." you sniffled. It was as simple as that.

"You are not a burden-" he started, but you cut him off ready to go at it.

"I am! I am a burden to you too! I made you agree to this deal! I had a lot to win, you didn't. I am burdening you-" you swallowed back a sob. Your throat was clogging up again and some costumers where starting looking your way.

"Y/N. You are not a burden. Don't say that" he pleaded, starting to sound upset as well.

You paused, gathering your thoughts, trying to explain to him in a more effective way.

"You asked me before why I was in marketing... It's always needed. You always need to sell a product. If you always need to sell, I would always be needed, so I will always have a job and income" you quietly said.

You were simple really. You were a little greedy, a little chatty and sometimes over confident for no good reason.

"Y/N listen to me. You are not a burden. You knew how to make a deal. You gave me a solution. If you were cruel about it, you could have told everyone but you didn't. You care about your father and don't want to weight him down. You are working hard and at your own expense, you are struggling. You are a good daughter and a good friend. And for what matters, I am glad I met you. You encourage me to try new things, that I wouldn't dare to try. I don't want you to think bad of yourself." He instructed you. He made everything you did sound like a noble act, it couldn't be so far from it.

You moved the phone slightly away from your face and sniffled quietly. A new bunch of tears were wetting your face, sobs racked your body and at this point you were panting for breath. He had really moved you. And even though you knew he was saying some of those things because you were a little sad, you decided to enjoy the comfort and question yourself later. It made you feel a little better all the same.

"Thank you" you got out.

"Your welcome." He replied right away "Y/N can you take some more breaths for me please? Where are you now?" He asked. Was he concerned? He sounded frustrated enough and like he was pacing up and down on his room.

"Out. We came to the market with dad. He..left but I have a little more shopping to do." You sheepishly replied, leaving the walking away from the car incident out of the conversation. You already over shared.

"You should head home and talk with your dad. And call me after. Okay?" The pacing had seized and a loud thud was heard maybe as he landed on the bed.

"Okay.." you said slowly, now more in control of your breathing "You sent me pictures of your trip, okay?" It would be wonderful to see something as pretty as the snowy mountain.

"Okay" he mumbled more quietly now, as if he was being heard. Maybe Jeongin come in. "Talk to you later" he said and you half- heartly bid him goodbye.

The ride home was a long one. You thought over and over what to say to your dad. You were a bit cruel and you exaggerated a lot. An apology should be the first thing that leaves your mouth, you concluded.

As you neared the door, it flew open revealing your very worried dad. He looked trousled, his hair (or whatever was left of it anyway) was messy as if he run his hands relentlessly, his face was flushed as he was crying.

"Dad what-?" Was all you managed to get out, before you were cradled into his arms. He didn't talk, just squeezed you harder. A sound like a sniffle was heard and just as you made to question it, you were drugged on the inside.

"Dad?"you questioned, standing still. He was pacing back and forth now right in front of you in the middle of your living room. "Dad!" You exclaimed successfully catching his attention. "I am sorry"

He looked at you before engulfing you between his arms again. "No, baby. I am sorry" And with that sentence it was like he opened up the gates and tears welled up in your face.

"I didn't want to be a burden! You have so- so much going on h-here! And! And I was t-trying to do w-what I can on my own" you sobbed. Your nose was blocked and your voice wobbled as you tried to get the point across.

Just then hands cradled your face making you meet his eyes. "Baby..you are not a burden. It is my duty as your father to provide for you. You don't have to think about money all the time. I am here for you"

Hearing those words you broke down again in the safety of his arms, your troubles seemed so little and insignificant. For now you could be a little vulnerable and less tough.

Hours later, you were freshly bathed and in bed, ready to go to sleep when your phone rang. You reached over to your desk to grab it. Only to see a familiar name flashing across your screen.

"Hey Minnie" you whispered.

"Hey.. how are you? You.. didn't call so I... yeah" It was quiet on his end, he should be in his room by now, tired from the day's activities but he still made the effort to call you. You felt grateful you had met such good people.

"I am good. We talked about everything. Maybe I will cut back a few days to relax and study a bit more." You said as you cuddled into the bed, the emotional day finally catching up with you. You felt your eyes drop, but you willed them to open up again.

"That's good. You should rest more. You deserve it" he replied back, tone gentle. You weren't used to hearing him like that. Sweet and gentle.

"Seungmin.. thank you. It means a lot to me that you called"you said quietly. Hoping you weren't dumping much on him.

Quiet was all you heard through the line for a bit and then "I wanted too. I wanted to comfort you as you did to me the other day. I don't talk much about that time and it felt.. good...that the first thing you said to me about that period ,where I was not in a good state..it was that my smile was shinning"

You smiled. For some reason, hearing you made him feel lighter and happy made you lighter in return. It always did for some reason. All the times that he did things out of his comfort zone, all the times he followed along with your schemes, everytime he smiled at you and comforted you. You liked it..

You liked him.

You blinked twice at the sudden though. You liked him?

Your first thought about the guy was that he was way too stuck up and insufferable to get along with. Where did all this came from? Maybe from all the times he cared, when you twisted your leg, when he cared for you when you were drunk, when you silently sat at your home and watched dramas, when he came by the coffee shop to sit with you.

Ohh. You were officially fucked.

"Y/N?"

His voice pulled you out of your daydream. Face completely flushed at this point, lips bitten to shreds and eyes wide you only could stare at your phone.

"Y-Yeah! I-I was looking for my charger! This thing always runs out of battery" you explained, thankful for once for your ability to lie easily.

"Maybe if you didn't spent all of your day on your phone the battery would be okay" he teased, trying to get a reaction out of you. And he got it

"Hey!" you whined loudly to your speaker. But the only response was his giggles, that warmed your heart a little more. Suddenly you didn't want to got off the phone, you want to hear him speak idly about his day and poke fun at you. So you asked just that and as if he was thinking the same he eagerly spoke.. It was well into the morning when you hang up, your heart lighter than ever and a silly smile plastered onto your face, even in sleep.

Fifteen days passed before you could even blink.

The cheery homey atmosphere at home, the meetings with your friends and the calls with Seungmin filled your day to the brim.

Yesterday was the first shift of the year. It was lovely to see all your coworkers and friends together again. Your boss, being the generous woman that she was, had prepared gifts for everyone. You had been gifted a black ribbon that served as a hair tie. It was adorable. And a discreet reminder to tie your hair during work hours.

your hair during work hours.

Now you stood before the library, waiting at your usual spot for Seungmin, with your own gift in your hands. The cap was nothing much and you were sure it wasn't even original, but along with the pair of blue mittens and a scarf, you hoped they were enough.

You eyed the people coming.

No sign of Seungmin yet.

A quick glance at your phone told you, it was a minute past your agreed time so you would let it slide. You busied yourself by replying to some texts from Hong Joong and Ryunjin, when you felt a presence behind you. With a quick glance, you found yourself looking straight into a pair of chocolate eyes.

You yelped from the surprise and the closeness. "Kim Seungmin!" You barked, hands coming to clutch your heart. Furious giggles greeted you in return. You looked up to see him, the two weeks apart treated him good. He seemed refreshed and lively, who knows what kind of mischief he had caused along with Jeongin. You instinctively reached up and slapped away his hand, that was covering his smile. He didn't dodge your efforts, letting himself be hit.

"Hello" he said when his giggles seized.

"Hi"you got out.

He looked even cuter on person, was your first thought. You mentally slapped yourself. Come on Y/N! You have known him since October! You were together almost every day since mid October! Those were the rose tinted glasses people talked about. "How was your break?"

"As you don't know" he said, rolling his eyes. "We have been talking almost everyday" he quoted and starting walking towards the double doors of the library.

"Wait!" You yelped, clutching nervously his gift. You were beginning to sweat purposefully and you felt way beyond yourself. "I...um..I got you this!" You thrusted the cute bag in front of you, body all stiff.

He cocked his head to the side and walked over to where you stood. Gingerly he reached for the bag, opening it gently as you would take it away from him. Slowly a smile spread on his face, he looked up briefly to you and then down again on his gift. He took it out and wore it, with a proud smile on his face. "How do I look?" He asked, turning his head from right to left so you can see him from all the possible angles.

"Adorable" you teased, now at ease. Blue suited him, you thought and you told him so, your words bringing a pretty flush on his ears. He then cleared his throat and began searching in his backpack. After a beat, his hands come up clutching a small white bag. With a embarrassed smile, he extended the bag to you.

"I guess we had the same thought" he explained, looking over your head before fleetingly meeting your eyes. You felt a warm feeling spreading over your body as you gazed from him to your gift. You sent a big toothy smile his way before taking the bag and taking a look inside. Inside the bag sat a smaller bag made of tulle, which contained the most beautiful pair of earrings you had seen. A dangly thing it was. A single pink cherry blossom sat, where you supposed your lobe would be and from it three almost invisible chains ran down, petals sprinkled over the chains. You loved them.

"Thank you Seungmin. I love it" you said, tucking it safely back into the box.

He smiled at you and shaked his head. "It just reminded me of you. Shall we?"he asked, pointing at the building behind you.

"We shall" you answered.

The next few days were a dream.

You all came back, hang out, had multiple night outs and had been having a blast.

You hadn't noticed how Seungmin had warmed himself up in your daily routine. You met almost daily, his friends always lurked around the cafe, either because they were working in it (insert Jisung) either because they enjoyed the place. You had officially met Jeongin, who you always chatted with on your video chats with Seungmin, but never actually met. He was a sweetheart and always ready to mercilessly tease the grumpy boy.

But, unfortunately, you were not the only ones that reconnected. Soojin and Seungmin reconnected. And they reconnected really good.They had been actively hanging out. Mainly on the cafe, occasionally out of it. You saw their stories and how they discussed where they would be going.

And you were seething.

You wondered all those past months.. how did you manage to stand this? Not only you had to watch them on your shifts, you had Seungmin telling you all about his conversations with her. On the past you had no problem, now things were...a little different. But you hadn't had the heart to tell him to stop talking. You always wanted to hear him talk about things that made him excited, even this.

Today though was your day though.

You had a new series you wanted to watch. You had prepared masks and facials you had been dying to try out. As you searched through the fridge you realized. You had forgotten the beer. Usually your fridge was fully stocked and ready to serve, but a certain non drinker (as he had called himself) had been through 5 cans of beer the last time he was here leaving you dry. As you were contemplating running a quick errand to the market down the street, your phone rung. You checked the caller, seeing exactly what you wanted.

"Seungmin! Perfect timing! We ran out of beer. Can you get some on your way here?" You asked as you filled up the bowl with your favourite barbeque pop corn.

"Y/N...I hate to do this but do you think we can .. reschedule?"he said, tone slightly off.

You assumed the worst. Seungmin was nothing if not punctual.

"Are you okay? Do you feel alright? Did something happened with Minho or Jeongin?"you stressed, hands immediately flying up to trousle your tresses.

"No! No, I.. had made plans with Soojin and I kinda mixed the days"he said, carefully.

Oh.

Of course he would prefer to spend his night with Soojin than you. You bit your lip, unsure what to do. Of course you minded. Not only it was the second time he did that to you, it was for the same person as well. But you couldn't exactly tell him that, could you? "No..I.. don't mind. Have fun" you slowly said, voice void of emotion in order not to betray your true one.

For a moment you thought that he would question you about your tone and your robotic manner, but he eventually signed. "I will make it up to you. I swear" he said.

You hummed and muttered a simple goodbye. Energy suddenly drained and with your mood bungee jumping through the floor, you decided a wine or a beer would be definitely needed after all. So you grumpily grabbed your coat and your old sneakers making a bee line to the store. You entered, greeted the cashier and taking your familiar basket to browse the selves for anything that caught your fancy. You had a couple chocolate bars in it and you were standing in front of the fridge with the alcohol when the sound of your name being called grabbed your attention.

Turning your head, you met with a two coloured head and a bright smile.

Hong Joong.

You smiled and waved him over.

"I haven't seen you since before the holidays!" He exclaimed as a greeting, crushing you into a bear hug.

"Happy New Year Joongie!" You giggled, as you took a step back. His stare fell from your face to your basket to the fridge you were currently standing in front of.

"Not so happy right now, is it?" He asked knowingly. A grimace overtook your face, not being able to lie, you nodded.

"I admit it could have gone better" you signed and then asked, half turned to him, half scanning the alcohol. "Did you finish your project?"

"Yeah! We still have a check over left, but it was all smooth sailing" he laughed, clearly at ease. You envied him. Especially now, that the exams were looming over your head with the threat of expulsion. And there was the thing with Seungmin. You know the recently discovered and one sided feelings you had for him. Your thoughts must have manifested on your face because soon he was asking what's wrong.

"My friend, to tell the story it would take a long time and alcohol" you preached, eyeing the strawberry flavored soju bottle.

"I got time" he announced, making you turn at him. You raised your eyebrows and he nodded.

"In that case what kind of soju flavor do you prefer?" You required.

After a few hours later and some (a lot) of drinks later you were okay. Your second tutor became the first one to learn of your feelings for your third one. Ironic. But Hong Joong had a calmness that made you feel perfectly at ease telling him that. He had adviced you to go for it and he had admitted he thought you guys were already dating. You had snorted at this.

You wished.

But Hong Joong was wrong. He had been right about Seungmin curling himself up and begging for mercy as he did that the very next morning. But he hadn't seen coming the next rejections.

Three weeks in and Seungmin had cancelled on you 5 times. Soojin this, Soojin that. You had grown tired of hearing how great the girl was. Not to mention insecure. She was pretty, nice, kind. What hasn't she had? And do you have?

You tried to drown your feelings and feigned empathy towards the sudden cancellations and ruined plans. But you felt heavier with every ruined outing or night in. Those 5 times were enough for your eyes to shine maliciously green. You were beyond yourself jealous and you didn't know what to do and how to act before Seungmin anymore. Maybe a little more distance would do you good, maybe you could salvage a little of your heart. Yeah, a little distance is good.

And apparently you must wear your heart on your sleeves because Seungmin caught right on. He apologized about the plans alright, but now every time you made plans you would find an excuse to avoid him. You had to go shopping with Yuqi or you had agreed to meet with Hong Joong and you couldn't cancel last minute. You even tried to cut down on your study time and that's when he knew that something was definitely wrong, after all exams were a mere 3 weeks away and you needed that time.

Ηe stepped up then.

That's why today you waiting for him in your house, practically vibrating with nervous energy. He seemed on guard when he called you. Almost awkward. But then he probably mimicked your own behavior. Your lips were bitten to shreds and your nails bloody by the time the doorbell rung. You gulped down as much air as you could and you opened the door.

And there he stood.

The cap you had gifted him on his head, black puffer jacket engulfing him and with an adorable flush on his cheeks, probably from the cold. You took a step back, inviting him in silently. He made his way into your home, now the surroundings familiar to him and plopped down to your couch. He cocked his head to the empty side of the couch, silently asking you to seat.

You made your way to him and before you could even sit on the couch, he started the interogation.

"What is going on?" He asked, always his straightforward and level headed self.

Truth or lie, that is the question. But right now lying seemed like your only ally. "What do you mean?" You asked carefully.

"I mean you are avoiding me. You are cancelling our plans. You even wanted to cancel the lessons!" His voice was steady, raising slightly at the end, making you feel even worse for a moment. And then you remembered the scene of them sitting together at the cafe, the phone call to cancel your plans and the words flew out of your mouth without your consent.

"Like you didn't do the same" you returned, a scoff leaving you.

His eyes widen at the mockery that was present in your voice, but they quickly changed, they seemed like steel now. "I cancelled on you once" he reasoned, hands coming together to grip each other tightly. "Only once"

"No, you cancelled after we already made plans once. You had been pushing around the dates that we planned and the hangouts 5 times at least! I guess that happens when you get a girlfriend" you commented, lips pulled back in a snarl, your face an menacing grimace now.

"Ohh so you can hang out with Hong Joong, but I can't hangout with Soojin" he chided, tone ice cold.

"Don't compare the two. It's totally different" you reasoned, frustration causing your voice to raise. You turned to face him fully on the couch now, he seemed as agitated as you felt. "Besides I hanged out with Hong Joong the times that you left me stranded" you spat.

He flinched at that. Head hanging low for a beat and then raising again, ready for a duel. "I like Soojin that's why I am hanging out with her. You were supposed to be happy for me. That was the deal"

It was your time to flinch at that. That was a low blow, even though he didn't know. "So why don't you go now to her?" You bitterly asked, looking away.

He sat silent for a moment. Staring at his hands. When his voice shattered the silence.

"I will confess tomorrow. That's what I wanted to tell you" he breathed, twisting his hands nervously at the thought, letting his guard down for a second.

Your heart plummeted in response to those words. It felt like an invisible hand went through your chest, grabbing your poor heart with its only purpose to rip her right out.

Your vision that stayed nailed to the faded corner of your coffee table started blurring little by little, like you were looking at the world through mist eyed lenses. You closed your eyes not wanting to let the tears escape and betray the deviation you were felling inside right at this moment.

"I guess the deal is over.. But I..I will see you around Y/N." He smiled an odd uncomfortable smile that showed the confusion he was feeling, and even though not a word come out of your mouth, he got up, gathered his things, walked to the front door and left.

Upon hearing the sound of the door closing the tears that you tried so hard to keep, were now slowly dripping down your face. Your mouth was trembling, lifting and dropping, as if it couldn't decide what expression to keep to express your sorrow better. Even breathing was more difficult now, due to the blockage in your nose. But all that wasn't what was important right now.

You were losing him.You had lost him before having a chance to tell him how you feel.

Suddenly you weren't on the sofa anymore, you were up and running. Running after him. You flew out of the door and raced towards the stairs, you didn't have time to wait for the elevator to arrive, instead you headed to the stairs. When you reached the entrance your breath was unstable and the place under your ribs hurting from the sudden work out but you paid them mo mind. You run outside, turning your head left and right trying to locate his disappearing figure. There! There he was! By the end of the street, a lone figure, coat clad and on top of his head sat a very familiar cap. Your gift to him specifically.

"SEUNGMIN!" You yelled with all your might. He heard your panicked call and turned towards you. But before he could take a step to your direction, you were already running. Running before time caught up with you.

You reached him, panting from the rally. He looked beautiful. In the middle of the street, lights hitting him just right to appear ethereal, his hoodie and black thick coat made him appear warm in the cold winter night, almost like a beacon, calling you closer. His capped head cocked slightly to his right made him more adorable as he waited for you to breath normally and tell him why you chased after him.

"I like you" you blurted out incapable of controlling your feelings anymore. "I like the way you always scold me when I do the wrong thing so I can try harder, l like when even though you pretend to be cold you are always so considerate, I like how you are always so adamant to be right and react so adorable when things don't go your way, I like how passionate you are. I like how we can be silent and watch stupid shows together. I like how you sent me every little thing you thing it's cute so you can share it with me. I like how easy are to get with, contrary to first opinions. I like how I am with you. I like who I am because of you. I like you Kim Seungmin" Tears were still filling your vision, you could now see your breath in front of you in the darkness of the night but you didn't care. You needed to tell him, you had told him and right then you felt so light like you could float away.

One look in his wide eyes though, told you that maybe you should fly away, flew the scene and most devastating of all something told you that maybe you couldn't have your chance after all.

"Y-Y/N I..I-" he tried getting out and your whole world tumbled down. "I don't know- I am not sure if I feel the same-" he could have stabbed your heart and it would hurt less than what you were feeling right now.

He doesn't know.

A new set of tears came to your eyes, but this time you were incapable of holding them in. A sob was clawing it's way out of your throat, only escaping a mere second before you slapped your hand over your mouth in order to keep it in.

"Y/N!" He exclaimed, taking a step towards you, hand raised as if to wipe your tears away, but your shaken step back stopped him. You shook your head as you took another step back. He didn't want you. Even though you told him everything.. he didn't want you. You turned around and blindly runned.

"Y/N!!Y/N wait!" He shouted after you.

Nothing stopped you though.

He didn't stop you.

An excruciating pain clawed at your chest making you blind to anything except your inner turmoil. You reached your apartment door in a pained haze, bursted in and let your sobs take over. Painful sob after painful sob racked you, making you unable to comprehend anything around you. You didn't know how much time you spent there against your front door, crying your heart out. All you knew was that you were light headed, your ears were ringing and your grip over the world was slipping.

It was exactly as you feared.

You had told him and you weren't enough to keep him.

You weren't everything he wanted.

You weren't good enough to love.

You would never be good enough.

You picked yourself up from the floor, took the remaining steps towards the sofa and slumped over it. You hadn't enough strength to fight the oblivion from taking over. The last image your mind concurred was of Seungmin-wide eyed in reaction to your confession and tears slipped down your eyes again as you finally slipped into the oblivion.

After that night you had made it your mission to avoid him at all costs.

Your shame and pettiness didn't allow anything less than that.

You had blocked both his number and his instagram, which you had crafted slowly together.

Seungmin had made several attempts to contact you ever since that night. He had come by your workplace as he had deemed the phone useless by now but you had taken a couple days off work. Not wanting to worry your father with an unexpected surprise and not wanting to be alone in your apartment, you had crashed at Yuqi's for a few days, hoping your dramatic ass wasn't too much for her. Her roommate Soyeon rolled her eyes at you for crying over a boy but joined your pity party anyways, not able to resist pizza.

With exams drawing near, you unfortunately had to study. Looking at your notebooks and books filled with Seungmin's neat handwriting you felt like they mocked you. But you had to get through this, for this stupid scholarship you made the deal, for this you broke your heart.

Eventually you had to get back to work. Your days went smoothly, you ticked in, greeted your regulars, small talked with Jisung and now you were on the front on cashier's duty. You heard the door opening and you opened your mouth automatically to greet the customer, but the sight in front of you left your mouth dry. Seungmin bursted through the door, panting as he made a bee line straight to you. He came with such strength that he collided against the counter. He looked wild, hair a mess and clothes hastily put on.

"Y/N! Where- Nevermind! I need to talk to you." He got out, hands inching over the counter to reach you.

But you took a step back and with a tone as cold as you could muster you stated "I don't have anything to talk about with you" You could do this. You spent enough days crying over him. You wouldn't cry anymore.

"Please! I have to tel-"

"Seungmin." You cut him off, staring him dead in the eye. His desperate appearance and big eyes made you crumble a little inside. "I said everything I had to say. You gave me your answer. We have nothing to talk about"

"No you don't understand. I-" he rushed his words in order to get something across, but to his bad luck and to your good one, a customer cut your conversation short.

"Excuse me? Can I order?" A unfamiliar face inquired.

"Yes, of course." You called over Seungmin's shoulder before turning to him "If you excuse me, I have work to do" you ushered him gently to the side and tried to pay him no mind.

Seungmin had made several other attempts to contact you.

You still avoided him as much as you could, but it was a bit difficult when he stood there looking at you. You tried to not talk to him while he tried to corner you. You had instructed Ryunjin to not let him near you. You would break if you did. Even now the sad looks were getting to you.

This thing was going on for a week and a half. You hadn't spoken to each other seven days now if you included the small talk by the cashier the other day. You weren't ready to hear him, you weren't ready for him to tell you that he was together and happy with Soojin while you were over here, green with envy and with a large challenge in front of you.

Exams were starting.

You weren't even there, neither mentally nor emotionally. But you had to fight it. Your scholarship depended on it.

Fake it till you make it.

So fake it tou did. You forced yourself to work on your studies. In the mist of it all, little notes had been finding their way into your things.

Don't forget the formula!

Keep on working hard!

Hope we can talk..

You had a pretty good idea on who was the writer.

And it pained you greatly. Why was he going through all this trouble. You had gotten his message and while he was being nice trying to make sure you were alright, you would rather he wouldn't. He was making this too hard on you.

He had Soojin now. All was good, right?

The truth was you hadn't seen him with Soojin,not once. The girl's visits were few now, that she had started on her finals (earlier as all the art students did), but when she appeared she had gifted you a knowing smile. A secret only she knew apparently, because you had no idea why she was looking at you like that. You didn't pointed that out, in fact you hadn't looked at her that much.

And exams rolled in.

The first three subjects were a success.. Of course you couldn't escape the dread that filled you everytime you sat behind the desk, but you had managed alright. It was manageable till now, but the big threats (maths and physics, you couldn't even utter their names!) had yet to come.

You had picked up less hours at the cafe in order to prepare yourself. You were a tutor down yet again, albeit this time a little more painful.

And finally the d-day arrived. You raised your head, shoulders pulled back.

Pens? Check.

Pencils? Check.

Water? Check.

Student ID? Check.

Note from Seungmin?... Check

The little yellow note was safely tucked in your pocket last minut,e because you couldn't bear to part with it. He had sticked to your front door last night, you showed it when you came over from work and it had moved you to tears. Gosh, you were such a crybaby now!

You knew that your conversation was long overdue. Three weeks have already passed and even though you wanted to, you couldn't bring yourself to.

But that was a problem that future Y/N had to deal with.

Now you needed your head in the game.

You had maths to do, you thought as you marched to your possible doom.

You had passed!

The endless hours, the blood, the sweat and the tears you had spilled were all worth it. Admittedly you had made it barely, but you had made it! You had made an exceptional progress on physics too, acquiring a better grade than you originally thought you would.

You were beyond happy and your immediately thought was of your beloved tutor. You should contact him, firstly to thank him and secondly for a conversation you had apparently left in the middle, what was left to say was beyond you.

You were playing with your phone currently, the contract named Puppy open and ready to be called. You bit your lips, your finger hovering above the button when a voice stopped you on your track.

Soojin.

"Hello Y/N" she pleasantly greeted, an ever lasting smile on her face.

"Soojin, hi. The usual?" You asked, not in the mood for pleasantries. You had already turned your back to the girl to make her coffee.

"To go, please" she called sweetly to you, getting a sharp nod in response. "How is Seungmin?" she asked, voice still dripping honey. You froze. While you didn't know Soojin that well, you didn't think she was the type to gloat in your face about her winning Seungmin's heart. You appeared to be wrong again.

"How should I know? Shouldn't I be asking you that?" You returned coldly, trying to hold yourself back. You were at work, you wouldn't be caught fighting like a 6-year-old for a doll you both wanted. Not that Seungmin was a price to be had. He was just as pretty as a doll thought.

"Ahh, you still didn't talk with him" she signed. You turned to place her drink of choice on the counter, ready for her to be gone. "Why are you avoiding him?" She said, head cocked to the right, making her seem all too innocent for your liking.

You almost scoffed "I don't think this is any of your business" you answered while you took her card to ring up her order.

For the first time her face turned sour and a determinated pout appeared on her face "Well I am making it my own goddamn business. We talked with Seungmin. We made everything clear. He likes you and I like Eric" she answered, sassiness dripping from her tongue this time.

What?

"What?" You voiced out loud, shock obvious on your face. Seungmin did what?

"Yeah, you know tall, blonde and handsome?" She quoted, raising her hand a ridiculous amount above her head to indicate Eric's height.

"I know how Eric is! I told him what drink you like for god's shake!" You exclaimed, teeth grinding together.

She looked like the cat who got the milk as she thanked you for that. You blinked.

"I don't understand. You and Seungmin went on so many dates" you mumbled.

She looked quite guilty this time "I already apologized to Seungmin about that. I was trying to...make Eric jealous" she admitted, her eyes focused, all of a sudden, on the coffee in her grasp.

"The photography exhibition?" You asked, dazed.

"Eric was managing a tent there" she whispered, head low.

"The movies?" You insisted.

"A girl from Computer Science had invited him! Gosh, how much I don't like her! She always made heart eyes at him!" She scoffed, sounding much like you when you cursed her in your head.

You felt your jaw slagging, mouth open whole you stared at her. Really? Seungmin liked you?

She glanced at you, seeing how you were taking it all in. "He told me he thought that he liked me. When I asked him what did he meant by 'he thought', he explained the deal to me. He seemed so happy when he talked about you, content." She smiled at you, that knowing smile she had been sending lately. "When I asked him if he perhaps liked you, he blinked and nodded. He even apologized!" She giggled and you joined too. Socially awkward and adorable as always. "He cares about you. And I think you should talk to him, Y/N" she finished.

You nodded, still dazed from all the information. She saluted you silently and walked out the door.

What Soojin said stayed with you. You weren't sure if she was being truthful or not, but you had already decided to contact him, you reasoned with yourself. At least that's what you told yourself as you send the message at 10 p.m.

You had fully expected to be left on read for days maybe even to beg him him for a small talk, so the immediate response, needless to say, surprised you. The answer left you at a total loss.

You immediately tensed up. You hadn't expected him to rush here that late. But better now than never, you guessed.

Not even twenty minutes later, there was knocking on your front door. You took a deep breath and opened your door.

And there he stood. He was panting, as if he sprinted here, his face was flushed and adorably nervous. His eyes ranked over you, taking you in the way you were doing to him right now.

You watched him for a moment too long, the weeks of not seeing him were catching up with you. He looked tired as well, he had bags under his eyes and his face was sucked in. Worry fleetingly took over you as you took a step in his direction, but the way his eyes were, so intensely, focused on you, not shying away, reminded you of your situation. Letting out a breath you took a step back, allowing him to enter your home. His eyes fell from your face momentarily as he took the step in, gently closing your door behind him.

The two of you stood there, tense and not knowing where to begin. You had said everything that you had to say, so you stood there utterly defeated. Discarded in favor of Soojin by the very boy that stood in your living room. By the very first boy that was begging to win your heart. Or do you thought. If what Soojin had said to you was true...then why reject you? Tears threatened to make an appearance (as they often did those days) but you pushed them back and sucked your cheek. "How have you been? Did you do good on your exams?" You asked, a small smile on your lips as you gestured at your couch.

He returned the awkward smile you sent him, taking a seat across you. "I am doing.. alright, I guess. I have done well in my exams. You?" He asked, pointing at you.

A bigger smile overtook your face. "We did it!" You exclaimed as you wanted to do since the morning that you learned the news. "I mean, it was a little above average but... I passed nonetheless" you cheered.

He made a grimace "A little above average?" He asked, scrunching his nose.

"What? Will you say you teached me better than that?" You inquired, lounging better in your spot, smiling all the way up to your ears.

"Will you throw me out if I say that?" He asked, head cocking to the side. His tone was a mix of sassiness and uncertainty.

You deserved that, you guessed. "No, I will not" you mumbled, not able to look into his eyes.

"Then, yes. I taught you better than that" he quoted, lightly giggling to easy up the tension. It brought a smile to your face, but you quickly sobered up.

"Why are you here, Seungmin?" You asked, plain and simple, tired.

The boy took a breath, shoulders squaring as if to ready himself "I am sorry"

A slap.

Right on your face. You swallowed your words and returned nothing, wanting to hear what he had come here to say. "I was an idiot. A moron. When you told me you..liked me, I hadn't thought about it. I mean..we ar-" he looked at the floor briefly as if willing himself to remember pointers he wrote, but he picked up when he left off shortly "We are close. We talk every day, we joke around, watch movies together. I had gotten used to you, you were an ally, a friend. I hadn't thought about you in..that light.." you turned your face away, facing the wall, a few stray tears escaping your eyes. He took notice of your state, quickly scooting over, closer to you, one hand on your arm, the other gripping feather light the place your neck and jaw connected. You raised your hands, a motion that meant to shoo him away, but he didn't budge. He stood there looking over you, worried and painfully tender.

"That was what I thought I felt. But Y/N, I don't face time my friends everyday for hours, I don't text them to remind them to study or eat, I don't have reminders to tell me to text them, I.. don't catch myself thinking they are pretty or wishing they were closer when we are watching movies..I don't dance with them and think they are beautiful and wish I could kiss them." he continued, voice quieter as he went on, the last part almost inaudible. If you weren't in front of him, almost locked in his arms, you wouldn't be able to hear him.

But you could.

And your heart was pumping so hard that you could hear it in your ears, your breath was short. You were hanging from his every word. What? What was he saying?

"I didn't ran like a madman to find a pair of earrings for them. The exact copy of the earrings they were looking at the festival..I failed at that one, but I think cherry blossoms suit you better anyway" he breathed, a low laugh escaping him. How he could remember that was beyond you. Had he always paid that much attention to you?

"I don't go mad when I don't talk to them for a few days" he whined, clearly embarrassed if the flush on his face and ears said something. "I don't beat myself up for hesitating to return their feelings" he finished.

That was a confession? "What then?What am I, Seungmin? What am I to you?" You challenged, looking him straight at the eyes. Yours reflected resolution and a fiery temper, his.. reflected guilt and affection, that much you could read, but also pain and hopefulness.

He took a shaky breath and dived in, sealing his lips over your own. You stood frozen for a moment, Seungmin overtaking all of your senses. All you could smell was his manly and wonderful cologne, all you could taste was the mint on his lips and an essence, so clearly him you couldn't explain otherwise. All you could feel were his soft hands clasping you affectionately, his plush lips on your, his eyelashes tickling you gently. All you saw, before closing your eyes, was fluffy hair and his beautiful face coming closer. You got lost in the moment, reciprocating the kiss before your mind could talk you out of it. You reached up, waving your hands into his soft hair, bringing him closer. Your mouth opened, inviting him in and pressed yourself complete onto him, wanting to fell him touch every inch of you. You kissed him fiercely, with a passion, he gladly returned. You felt him draping himself around you, holding you desperately and with a passion you hadn't expected to show to your person.

All you now was that you were experiencing pure bliss. You didn't want it to end.

You didn't know how much time you were kissing, tasting each other eagerly, having gotten lost at the feelings but eventually you had to part to get some air inside of you. You didn't exactly separate, he retreated just enough so he can rest his forehead against yours. You could feel his breath in your mouth, that was also covered in the taste of him. You opened your eyes to look at him, seeing him already gazing adoring at you. And then he spoke.

'I like you" he stated confidently. Face flushed, lips even more kissable than before and eyes alit. "You never were just a friend in my mind. I just...I never have been in a serious relationship..I didn't know what I was supposed to be looking for. But when they asked me what I wanted and I started describing, I realized I was describing you, Y/N" he whispered, nusling closer to your face. The proximity was driving you crazy and his words was making it worse. It was all too much to take in at once.

"Soojin" you mumbled, the close distance between your faces allowing him to hear you. "What about her? You said you like her" you mewled, pained. The same guilty feeling resurfaced on his face again and his hands tightened around you.

"I am so so sorry" he nearly sniffled. As soon as you heard the little sniffle, alarms went off inside your head and you immediately drew closer, hiding your face on the crook of his neck, arms tenderly patting him for comfort. You felt him rest his head on top of yours and nussle his face in your hair. "I thought I did. I hadn't thought about the chance that you.. I didn't know what I was feeling and God-" he took a big breath and started again "I thought I liked her, but when you confessed, don't get me wrong I was super surprised but I couldn't get you out of my mind, so I told her. And it ended up being alright because she-"

"Likes Eric. I know" you completed.

"How?" He asked.

You crewed your neck back in order to see him better and gave him a small smile. "She came over at work. She spilled everything. And for the matter, I think they look cute together."

"Hey! Are you calling me ugly?!" He protested lightly, hands tickling you and making you let out loud giggles.

"Stop!" You shrieked, burrowing yourself deeper in his arms. He did and hugged you tighter in return. "I think you look cuter with me" you cheekily murmured squished against his neck.

He laughed briefly and slowly he unwinded himself from around you. You immediately missed his warmth.

"I am so sorry for all of this" he got out, guiltily. "I have made a mistake. A stupid one. And ..and if you take me back I promise not to make the same ones again. I promise to listen to you and try to express myself more...I.."he trailed off, unsure what else to promise you. You quietly giggled to yourself.

You liked him too much to hold it over him. You liked him too much for you own good.

So you smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck again. He immediately cradled you near, not missing the chance to hold you.

"You promise to never make the same mistake again? And talk to me instead of mumbling nonsense?" You inquired, your hands reaching up to cradle his face gently. He closed his eyes for a moment in tot bliss, before snapping them open and nodding.

"I promise" he stated.

"And you must promise to do what I ask of you" you pouted, dragging the words out, now in a playful mood.

But he eagerly nodded his head, taking your every request without complains. "I promise"

"Even when I ask you to go photoshooting with me?" You wondered, eyes scanning him. But he easily let out a giggle, nodded before ducking to kiss your nose, setting off butterflies in your stomach. You pressed your lips together in order to seal a smile before continuing.

"Even when I ask you to watch boring dramas with me?" You asked, eyebrows raising, remembering his distain in your pickings.

"Mmhhmm"he let out easily, as his eyes swept over you with literal stars sprawled over them.

"Even when the Wyverns are on and you wanna see them?" You mischievously asked, beaming up at him. He chuckled, drawing you closer than ever, not an inch separating your bodies.

"Even then" he agreed, content with you in his arms.

"You got yourself a deal then" you said, cheekily, peaking up at him. He opened his eyes at the sound of that, meeting your gaze, full of intent and tenderness. Now affection and playfulness twirled in his own eyes, so much in contrast with the cold boy that you had met all those months ago.

"Deal" he said, reaching down to seal this deal with a press of our lips.

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the-paris-of-people · 1 year

Note

not to be mean but kinda cuz why are d4xtons so delusional? and i love paxton but devi and paxton would never be the type to wait for each other or keep up with a distance relationship. paxton wasn’t willing to do that on s2 (ben was btw). they are not even close enough friends to keep up with one another in the same place. with ben that’s believable cuz they have a foundation that has never been shown w paxton. ben and devi can be close friends while in other relationships. ben and devi only talk when they are together because outside of that there’s not common ground. devi not knowing paxton was going to work at school as a coach just meant they didn’t communicate at all the whole summer break. she wouldn’t care abt paxton if he wasn’t back in school. he is meant to be just her high school dream and i think this will be touched upon on season 4.

and now they’re saying ben and devi being all about sex now but that’s been d4xton’s whole foundation since the show started? devi went after paxton because he was hot and wanted to have sex w him. it remained the same until season 2. on season 3 devi realized she wasn’t ready. and wouldn’t be fair for both devi and paxton to be with people that are in the same life stages as them? growing up with them?

the way some dxtons are acting because devi didn’t own her first time to paxton so idk why they are self inserting on devi. she was not comfortable having sex w paxton but did when ben. that’s her choice.

paxton is great just not w devi.

okay I really like this ask and there's a lot to talk about here.

1.) I totally agree Paxton and Devi are not close at all- they didn't even talk AT ALL (or barely at all) after they broke up TWO YEARS AGO when they dated for TWO MONTHS. In an actual high school timeline, they would never speak to each other again. If Paxton didn't work at her school, they never would've spoken, and you're totally right, they weren't even close enough for Devi to know he was working at Sherman Oaks! Also... can we just comment on the fact that the writers MADE Paxton drop out of college (I am like 90% sure) and act as a swimming coach at his former high school just to revive Devi and Paxton's relationship? Like, I'm sorry, but that is so extreme and a testament to how distant they are. Meanwhile, Ben and Devi just naturally wind up speaking to each other again because they gravitate towards each other and share common interests (extracurricular activities, classes, etc.) I feel like also aside from the short period of time they didn't speak after the cheating, they've always been in each other's lives. Daxton doesn't have that history.

2.) I haven't heard them saying that Ben and Devi are all about sex, but that's genuinely so weird. The reason the sex is such a big deal and why Ben getting with Margo after sleeping with Devi is so hurtful is because it was such a personal decision for Devi and she only did it with Ben because she's emotionally connected to him and felt comfortable enough to do it. I don't necessarily agree the Daxton relationship was all about sex for Devi, although it started off that way, I think it's more about Devi's pressure to conform to societal coming of age standards and the idealized lifestyle of an (American, because let's be real that's a huge part of it) teenager, while Paxton sees Devi as a representation of the person he wants to be (bolder, smarter, more exciting).

3.) I totally agree and I love that you said it's not fair to EITHER of them. Honestly the main reason I am annoyed with Daxton is not only because it's a huge character regression moment for Devi, but also for Paxton! Like he really was doing so well with his life and moving on... only to go backwards which is maybe what going back to his high school to assistant coach represents I am not sure.

4.) YES this is my main complaints about Daxton, it seems so much more focused on Paxton then how they are as a couple. The self-insertion is too real, it drives me crazy. If any of these people were anything like Devi, they would never date a Paxton.

#never have i ever #benvi #ask #answered #anon

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nana-rierie · 2 years

Text

Let's Make This A Tradition | Sano Manjirou

You were both idiots. But you're in love. Idiots in love, and somehow that justified it. But seriously, who thought of going to the beach at winter? Your boyfriend. And it's too early that even the Sun is still sleeping.

"Mikey! I'm freezing!"

A laugh was heard from the man beside you. "But Y/n-chan, you said you wanted to go to the beach!"

"With the consideration of the season. I wanted to go here during summer. Not winter! God! It's so cold," You complained while hugging yourself and shivering.

Mikey only barked out a laugh. You on the other hand, was annoyed.

You should've stayed home and said no when he pulled up at your house. Actually, you shouldn't have watched Teen Beach after waking up at 3 in the morning and texted him of wanting to go to the beach and forgetting to include the part of going there once summer starts. But in your defense, you were unaware of him driving to your house and taking you to the beach. You weren't even sure if he's awake because, duh! It's 3 am, and he's Mikey.

"Get in here then," He opened his jacket as an invitation towards you. Feigning ignorance, you raised a brow at him while hugging yourself. "Get in where?"

"Here!" He said nodding at his opened jacket.

"You took me here just so we can cuddle, didn't you?"

"Maybe." He stuck his tongue out. "And you've been busy with your activities when it's a holiday Y/n-chan!"

Not having any retorts, you went in front of him and took hold of his front jacket to wrap it around you. Your back on his chest also seems to warmed you up. But you felt more comfortable when you felt his arms wrapped around you. "Next time, let's bring a blanket."

You only hummed as a response feeling all cozied up. Until you realized what his sentence meant. "You plan on bringing me here again during winter?!"

He laughed and tightened his hold on you. "Of course Y/n-chan! How will I cuddle with you during winter if we're not going to the beach?"

"I don't know. Invite me to your house or visit mine?"

"Hmmm... But then we won't see this."

"See what?" You turned to him and saw him staring up ahead. Curious, you turned to what he was staring at and you gasped.

The Sun setting high was picturesque. Much better than any paintings could hold. Yellow and orange hues covers the horizon like a warm comfortable blanket you donned when the chilly breeze of the night enters your window. The blue sky contrasting against the vibrant orange and yellows was beautiful too. And the Sun seems like a sea creature coming up above the waters.

You smiled. "Thank you, for bringing me here."

You turned your head and saw him looking at you now, instead of the rising Sun. Your smile softened, without saying anything, you pressed your lips against his. What supposed to be a peck on the lips turned into a make-out session when you open your mouth for him to devour.

Once you pulled away trying to catch your breath, you kept your eyes on him.

Oh, his eyes are blown and hazy.

It took minutes before he manages to compose himself and beamed so bright at you, you forgot the Sun behind you.

"You taste like Dorayaki."

"That's because you made me eat one with you."

"Then maybe you should always eat them. Then I won't have to ask Ken-chin to buy me one. I just have to kiss you."

You deadpan after what he said.

"Mikey. I'm not going to eat Dorayaki just so you can taste them in my mouth everytime we kiss."

"Then I'll just keep kissing you after you eat Dorayaki."

You took that as a cue to leave the comfort and warmth of his arms to run around the beach and escape him and his obsession with your now Dorayaki flavored lips.

Running after you and shouting your name, the two of you began a chasing game while the Sun was setting high above the horizon and watching the two of you throw smiles, smirks, and pressing kisses against each other's lips.

Unbeknownst to you tho, this will become a tradition that slowly involves the people you both treasure.

#tokyo revengers #sano manjiro #not the plot i was trying to #shout out to professors who gives piles of assignments and activities #i don't have a bf to take me away from all the responsibilities you gave me #me-writing

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ereri-lost-and-found · 4 years

Note

Hey! I don't know if this has been asked before but do you know any canonverse fics about levi and eren that take place in season 3 of the anime? Thank you very much!

Hi, Anon

Here are a few for you~

Indiscrete by appleapple (Rated E, 9,460 words, oneshot, complete)

Eren has problems. Levi helps.

Your Eyes Told Me by Ashgard (Rated T, 3,245 words, oneshot, complete)

Just when Eren thought he would drown in the man completely the captain pulled back slightly to whisper against his lips "You think I didn't notice the way you've been looking at me Jaeger?"

His breath came out in a shaky exhale to tickle Levi's face "Y-you did?"

The man smirked in response though he was breathing hard "Mm, your eyes told me everything..."

For Ereri Week. A combination of Days 3 & 4 prompts: The Levi Squad and Beyond the Walls. Levi shows just how much he respects his new squad when he stands up for them in front of the new recruits. Eren most of all is touched by this and it gives him the courage he needs to reveal his feelings. Turns out the captain knew all along

hey young blood (put on your war paint) by driedupwishes (Rated T, 3,787 words, oneshot, complete)

The mission was a success, but at what cost?

With everyone scrambling around in the wake of their loses, Levi has to figure out what to do about the holes in his squad - and Eren.

Promises by Gootbuttheichou (Rated T, 2,272 words, oneshot, complete)

How many times have their plans gone to hell? Levi can never guarantee Eren 100% safety, and it weighs heavily on his heart. Nobody ever knows what will happen, and people can only try to choose the decision they think they’ll regret the least.

Cruel but Beautiful by Jyeen (Rated T, 2,259 words, oneshot, complete)

Eren's been pushing himself too far with his titan armor training with Hanji. Levi has to deal with the result.

#ereri fanfic #ereri #riren #snk #aot #oneshot #complete #under 5k #under 10k #top levi #canonverse #canon divergence #angst #fluff #hurt comfort #season 3 #gore #We weren't sure if you meant season 3 part one or two

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kyoryu · 2 years

Note

My big problem with the ending is that the story had the characters like. At least a few times discuss how they could totally still be friends even after the adventure was over. And like, I understand there’s a metaphor going on about how your life changes and you don’t stay as close to people as you think you might, but like… it kinda comes in out of nowhere in the last two or three episodes. And on top of that, Anne losing Sprig ENTIRELY and then the dialogue implying she, Sasha and Marcy all drifted apart until that reunion just felt overly sad. Puts a lot more ‘bitter’ than sweet in that bittersweet ending than they meant to, I think.

this is gonna be a long answer so sit tight lol.

disclaimer: I LOVE AMPHIBIA OK? my criticism means i care and i am passionate!! maybe too much, but hey, who's doing the math am i right.

ok i absolutely agree with EVERYTHING u say. i think everyone who disliked the ending is in the same page tbh, we all agree on the same stuff.

what u said about mostly bitter than sweet is EXACTLY what i keep saying. like...i do not see the sweet ANYWHERE in that ending. the "sweet" is the girls finally making it home, yet we dont get to see that. we dont even see anne hugging her parents again or anything, and dont get me started on the marcy and sasha's parents thing (ok i will briefly: refusing to give us anything about them just cuz "you wanna leave it up to interpretation" is bullshit. ur writing a story. commit. not showing us sasha and marcy's home lives and families means youre not showing us ANY signs of us rooting for them to go back home, we aren't attached to the idea of it as opposed to sasha's bond with grime and marcy's love for amphibia. it is lousy)

like, people keep telling me im missing the point of an ending that was obvious since episode one and i just disagree so much. where in the world of episode 1 did we see that anne was going to fight the moon, die, meet god and be offered to become god? what the fuck. i keep saying this ending could only work if the stakes weren't so high and the girls didn't spend as much time in amphibia. for anne to separate from the plantars permanently just because "people in life come and go and it hurts but oh well thats life" is so... devastating. like, imagine not being able to see or talk to your family EVER again. because hey thats what lifes like.

"but vinnie they'll obviously see each other again!!!" if u keep saying this, then u just disliked the ending as much as i did and ur in denial lmao. we can make all the hcs we want, they can add all the fix-it they want to marcy's journal (context: matt braly implied marcy's journal could include terri and mr x giving the girls "a surprise" in the timeskip) but yknow the damage is done. the ending is there and it tells you that the plantars and anne say goodbye forever and thats how it is. at least accept it.

"its been set up since ep 1" i completely disagree. season 1 in its entirety is about anne learning to love wartwood. sure it makes sense if u just watch ep 1 because anne is desperate to get home but um, the point is that anne comes to love wartwood and its people and becomes a part of the plantar family. how is that ending an ep1 set up? well, wheres the WHOLE SHOW set up? it makes no sense.

and even for the trio, i understand the growing apart thing but man, after what they went through wouldnt they be bonded for life, having been the only ones to have ever experienced this same trauma, and be closer than ever? especially with the portal permanently gone. id totally be behind it if the portal was open, cuz anne sasha and marcy choose their new amphibian friends over each other to spend time with and eventually come together again as teens, but still close all together bc i cant stress it enough. you dont just grow apart from someone u fought the moon with.

amphibia was already their time apart yknow. again, if the stakes were lower id get it and it'd work. but u cannot have these 3 go through all they did and then try to apply a Down To Earth realistic ending. i dont get it.

like, ur telling me marcy had to move away and she did it happily after being stabbed, comatosed, posessed, etc? sasha and anne stop talking in hs after anne had held onto sasha's arm for dear life before she lets go to her possible death, after they both leaded a fucking army together for a WAR AT 13 YEARS OLD? they just...move on? with a smile? sure it works if you say it does. but if you look it from a writing perspective its just weird, incomplete, lousy. no drama.

everything happens and we dont talk about it. everyone's just freaking happy ig.

i could excuse the sashannarcy separation though but that along with the goodbye forever to amphibia are TERRIBLE combinations. like sasha anne and marcy close this book and open a new one, and how on earth are they even able to do that after everything they we through???

sure im happy theyre happy. it could be that simple. but to me its not. to me this ending ruins the entire show lmao. if u were gonna go for this ending then dont write such an epic story bro lol.

and for the "YOU JUST WANT A STVFOE ENDING/WHAT, IS ANNE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE HER PARENTS EVER AGAIN?" gang: shut up dingus. no one talked about mixing both worlds or keep anne just in amphibia. thatd be just as bad. they should just have a way to access amphibia whenever they wanted, they met GOD. they literally had any excuse to make this work.

"but thatd be unrealistic" oh so sorry if i dont mind the story about 3 humans landing in a world of frog people, getting superpowers, leading an army, fighting a war, fighting an evil king and posession and the moon, doesn't have a completely realistic ending

"it would be too good to be true" so u agree. u agree the ending wasnt good.

what i would've done to make this ending Work, i would've added 3 simple things.

1. anne is a whole lot more broken up over saying goodbye to amphibia forever. shes not that calm about it. she's upset and thinks its unfair.

2. we get to see anne reunite with her parents back home

3. in the 10 year timeskip, we get an open ended situation with the trio opening a portal and its up to interpretation if this is the first time theyve done it or not.

thats it. i still wouldnt be a fan, i think anne deserves to grow up being able to see her family, but i think if they wanted that ending that badly they shouldve at least added those things. idk.

BASICALLY: i get what they were trying to do. it just does not work with the kind of epic high stakes story they've decided to write.

#new ask tag #pleeeeaaaase avoid sending me shit anom hate over my opinions #i got plenty of those ive heard ur arguments over a thousand times #u liked the ending? good for you buddy. dont have a gold star to give u tho sorry #the prize is minding ur business and leaving me alone in my hater sandbox #the hardest thing spoilers #amphibia finale spoilers #amphibia finale hater sandbox

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randomposterofstuff · 3 years

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What if RivaMika becomes canon through the official character guidebook/encyclopedia?

Okay. So, before I delve into this, I’d just like to address the news regarding the Eren and Mikasa love comedy segment that will be released in a magazine on June 5.

On the EreMika love comedy thing, I think it will be meant as something humorous and light-hearted. I don't think that it's going to be meant as something serious. After all, Eren is already dead. And Mikasa's grief was greatly emphasized. So, it's probably going to be some AU/non-canon skit. I did see an illustration featuring cabin-dream Eren and Mikasa, though. (But I’m not sure if it’s a preview from the Da Vinci magazine, the caption was not really clear on that.) So, these love comedy moments may be meant to take place in the "dream world" that was shown in Chapter 138. But even if that were the case, the fact remains that Eren is dead, and Mikasa now lives her life without him.

I also did a little digging and learned that it will be published by a Japanese magazine called Da Vinci.

And as far as I know, all past official character guidebooks and encyclopedias have been published by Kodansha. So, I'm not sure about the "canon-ness" of the Da Vinci contents. I also tried to look for information that says that Isayama-sensei himself is the source, but I can't find any. So... yeah.

I also checked and learned that Da Vinci is published by Kadokawa Future Publishing and not by Kodansha. My digging also confirmed that the two are completely separate and different publishing companies. So... you know... Hahaha.

In any case, I think that the Da Vinci magazine contents are separate and distinct from the final character guidebook which will be released alongside the reprint with the additional pages. Also, regarding the character guide that Da Vinci will include, I don't think that it will be as complete and as comprehensive as the OFFICIAL guidebook which will be released.

(So, there's still a chance for RivaMika to become canon in the OFFICIAL guidebook. Hihi.)

---

Okay. So, moving forward…

I read that a final character book will be published on June 9 - which is the same day that the reprint with the additional pages will be released.

Regarding this character book, I can't help but think that even if RivaMika becoming canon won't be explicitly shown in the additional pages, it could be officially confirmed as canon through the contents of the character book.

Since the series has already ended, we're probably going to get post-war statistics and information about the characters.

Concerning this, my RM-shipping mind couldn't help but think about what Levi and Mikasa's statistics and info would look like. (Hehehe.) I imagine that it would be something like this:

Mikasa Ackerman

Status: Alive

Known Family:

Mother

Father

Eren Yeager (Adoptive Brother)

Grisha Yeager (Adoptive Father)

Carla Yeager (Adoptive Mother)

Levi Ackerman (Husband)

---

Many years after the war, Mikasa and Levi reconnected and deepened their bond!

When Levi visited Paradis Island three (3) years after the war, he and Mikasa met again. During their reunion, the pair recalled their past missions and talked about how they've been coping since the war ended. From that day onwards, Levi and Mikasa began to keep in touch more frequently. A stronger and deeper bond grew which eventually led to marriage!

---

Learned more about her Ackerman heritage with the help of the Paradis Island Royal Archives and Marleyan Historical Records.

During the time they became closer, Levi and Mikasa decided to dig deeper into their Ackerman heritage. Research had revealed that she and Levi hail from one common ancestor who lived even before the Walls on the Island were built.

Attempts to create an accurately detailed family tree proved difficult due to their respective family lines being separated from each other by several generations of ascendants from several family branches.

Mikasa: I knew that we weren't closely related, but I never thought that our clan was this large.

Levi: Tch. With how distant our relation is, we might as well not be related.

Mikasa: But we're related by marriage, captain.

Levi: I know that, brat. And stop calling me 'captain'. I'm your husband now.

Mikasa: Only if you stop calling me 'brat'. I'm your wife now.

Hahaha. Please forgive me. I couldn't help but indulge my RivaMika dreams and fantasies.

---

Anyway, in the article I read, there was also a mention of a new character.

If there really will be a new character, who could it be? Maybe... the child of a certain couple of post-Rumbling survivors? Perhaps this character had already made a brief cameo in the anime?

Image taken from the end credits of Episode 22 of Part 2 of Season 3 of the "Attack on Titan" anime.

Maybe it's a possible Ackerbaby attending a private school in Marley or Paradis? 👀 Hahaha.

---

Final Note: This is just a very fanciful hope of mine. I admit that I'm new to the fandom, but I became invested rather quickly. Haha. In any case, I think that this is certainly a possibility. The probability of it is another matter entirely. But it's still possible, though. Hahaha.

On a more serious note, I'm glad that I joined the RM fandom. The community is really fun and open-minded!

#rivamika #levimika #levi ackerman #mikasa ackerman #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk

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what-do-1000-swords-look-like · 3 years

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5x01 - Animals

Alright let's dig into it!

The first subject I'm going to delve into is the animals. Tbf we haven't seen the section with the animals just yet, we only got a glimpse, but we will in upcoming episodes. And it will definitely I think help clarify as to why these particular animals were chosen (besides being the ones available) for this sequence.

1) Vulture -

I think this particular choice was very interesting because we know the vulture is a scavenger and can be a menace when you get near its food. But if there is food nearby, there's a good bet that you will get more then one. So the fact that they had this vulture out there chilling all on its lonesome (when these birds mate for life), not feeding or actively searching for food while the team has to make their way past it is interesting. It's even more interesting when we see the team's reactions. Hen and Chimney are apprehensive at best, Bobby we don't see at all, but we do see Buck and Eddie's reactions:

They're wary and defensive, Eddie more of the latter. Based on that face, he really doesn't like it lol. The vulture also doesn't make a sound until the camera pulls away from Buck and Eddie, moving outward, though they've already spotted the animal.

2) Emus -

(and I cannot tell, is that another vulture in the background or a hawk or what?)

Emus can symbolize power (empowerment) & love among several different things. The males also incubate the eggs and raise the hatchlings. The team seems to relax a little passing by them. No specific reactions are shown separate from the other team members'.

3) Giraffe -

While the giraffe symbolizes many different things such as faith in one's self, gentleness, power, guidance, and leadership, this absolutely has to do with Chim.

Later on in the episode when Maddie finds out about the ransomware attacks, Jee-Yun is wearing pink giraffe pajamas:

(Jee-Yun is so freaking cute btw)

Even though we see everyone's shocked awe at the giraffe, it's Chim's reaction that is the most notable in this part of the scene. And especially when it's Chim that's looked at last in the team (Eddie being the one to turn to look at him).

4) Monkeys -

The monkeys are at a high vantage point and they can symbolize intelligence, mischief, fun/playfulness, and family/bonds. They're making all kinds of noise and looking down at the 118 as they pass by. But they're out of reach and they're not coming down, nor is the 118 focusing on them.

5) Wolves -

We hear the howl of a pack and see 3 wolves pass by in the shot. Wolves can symbolize many different things but most notably: loyalty, teamwork, pack, freedom, and conquering fear. It's possible when we get the full sequence of the 118 dealing with this part of this particular emergency in the upcoming episodes that we will see more interactions with the wolves and the 118 so it may help clarify a little more exactly what they're meant to represent in this group.

6) Camels -

From the overhead shot, we can see these three camels are the only ones around. One dark haired and two tan-haired (I have no idea what the technical names are). Camels represent endurance, toughness, a long journey, that they can carry heavy loads, being self-sufficient, and sacrifice. One of the tan-haired camels even looks up at the team as they enter the plaza.

7) Elephant -

And of course we have the elephant, an animal that is highly intelligent, never forgets, and cannot be ignored when it's in the room (so to speak). They also symbolize nobility, success, wisdom, remover of obstacles, and loyalty. What kills me about this part of the scene though is that the elephant is absolutely making sure to get their attention by flipping over the tourism booth and making a loud noise. Sure enough, the 118 reacts and turns around. Bobby says "I really thought this year was gonna be different." And the elephant then makes the trumpet noise. The interesting thing about this choice of animal is that they literally chose for the scene to play out that it purposely gets their attention, lets Bobby say that sentence, and then makes the loud noise elephants make that can be heard miles away in some cases. Not only do you have an elephant standing right in front of you that not only just flipped over this heavy booth but now it's speaking and making sure it's heard and not just seen. And it's a singular elephant, which probably makes sense with the escaped zoo situation, but it's usually male elephants who live alone and not in family units like females do.

Elephant in the room who cannot be ignored and will not be ignored any longer. Something is getting addressed this season; it can no longer be put off or avoided. Whether that's the universe or a particular story line for all of the 118 or separately, something is refusing to be unheard or unseen. It is going to be dealt with.

As for the other animals mentioned, other than the giraffe, I cannot tell you with 100% certainty what all of these animals are meant to represent completely, but I will say this. I do think there is something that may arise that is going to test the 118, whether that be their bonds with one another, or as a team, but something is going to happen. These animals seem to have one theme among them: family. While some of these animals don't mate for life (like the giraffe), they do travel together in packs or herds.

Of course, it's always a possibility that I'm reading too much into it and these truly were the only animals available (the ones that weren't CGI). But the shot sequence I think is very purposeful. They could have shown us the vulture second to last, they could have passed the monkeys first, then the emus, etc. And since the elephant and giraffe are clearly meant to be symbolic for the story, I'm thinking these other animals are too, if not most of them. But we'll get more clarification, I'm sure, once we see the full sequence. But that's what I'm thinking so far.

#911 5x01 #911: panic #911 meta #911 fox #911 fox posts #chimney han mention

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book-o-scams · 3 years

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'Sorry Wrong Ed' Alternate Ending Storyboard Sequence

Check out Al Kang's Ed, Edd n Eddy portfolio!

Al Kang worked on the show during seasons 3-4 and had roles on the storyboard and prop teams apparently. (IMDb says he was credited as Al Choi at the time, but it also says he worked on season 1 episodes, which doesn't line up with the timeline he mentioned.. anyway.)

I discovered his portfolio a few months ago after seeing fandom discussion of the alternate 'Sorry Wrong Ed' ending. I was pleasantly surprised to find a few other treats as well! But yes, I even sorta liked what I learned about 'Sorry Wrong Ed' in the process... (I threw in a little analysis comparing the two endings at the bottom)

I noticed Al seemed to mix up the order on these, so I thought I'd try my best to figure out the right order. This was the most confusing one for me to try and figure out the order of since almost all 8 pages were out of order. I think I finally figured out what's going on in the original ending.

So this alternate ending starts at an unknown point with Eddy flat on the ground, presumably injured, picking himself back up. At this point in the final cut of the episode, Eddy has just been squashed by a tree, but this seems more like a different injury, and he's not even retaining his injuries from the truck scene... The scenes with Jonny and Plank from the final cut of the episode seem to not exist at all here, Jonny and Plank don't appear in this sequence.

Anyway, Eddy picks himself up in the middle of an on-going scene, sees Jimmy drop a coin in a jar for Ed, who has inexplicably turned the cursed phone into a scam on his own. Edd is glaring at the off-screen kids, who have somehow learned about this phone and are excited to kill Eddy with it.

Eddy: "Jimmy! No!"

Jimmy answers the phone: "Hello?"

Ed: "HA HA HA"

Edd: "You people don't seriously believe--"

Then we sync up with gags that did happen in the ending of Sorry Wrong Ed, with context that makes its tone a little more sadistic than random. Jimmy's paid phonecall drops the sandbox on Eddy.

This page has the most skeletal dialogue...

Kev: "Yes." (I think he's meant to be fist pumping because Eddy got hurt, more of a "Yes!")

Jimmy: "BAD LUCK EDDY PHONE." (this dialogue must have been a placeholder)

Edd: "HA HA" (sarcastic ha-ha or did Al mean to write "Ed" for this?)

Jimmy seems to offer the phone to Edd.

We sync up again with Edd's denial from the final cut of this episode, except now it actually makes sense that he's so one-track-minded, because there are people actively arguing with him and keeping him disengaged from the victim.

Edd: "There must be a cargo plane overfilled with playground supplies..."

Sarah interrupts him.

RING RING

Sarah: "Oh, that's for me."

Eddy at this point holds Ed responsible, as he should, and starts running to stop Ed or Sarah. Ed offers no explanation for his betrayal.

Eddy: "Ed! What are you doing!?"

Sarah: "Hello?"

Sarah's paid phonecall summons the hippos, the most random moment in the final cut of the episode. Note how both of these slapstick gags were storyboarded on the same generic background, seems like the lane or an empty lot, but clearly a different location than Eddy's front yard from the aired ending.

And that's all we have to go off of!

I'll put my updated opinions below the cut, but suffice it to say, I like the episode a little better now! Knowing what the ending was going to be and trying to figure out the choices that led to the ending we got, I feel more appreciative that it didn't end up a lost episode or something and less annoyed that it was 11 minutes of one joke.

I know I have a reputation for not finding slapstick funny and disliking this episode, but violence was never my only issue. Lots of episodes have lackluster slapstick that I just let wash over me. My point that never gets as much focus is that this episode never felt FINISHED to begin with. It's just a slapstick vacuum with no ending and no point, and it used to be frustrating to me not knowing for sure if my hunch was right or not that it felt like the episode just wasn't working and they had to cobble it together from the scenes that almost worked.

I am surprised to say I like the episode more now that I know that is pretty close to the truth. Judging from this peek into the episode's development, this episode seems to have reached Danny Antonucci's and/or Wootie's (the episode's lead board artist) limit for being mean-spirited with the characters without a reason. I'll still probably avoid rewatching it, but knowing the episode has no ending specifically because it's been trimmed to bare bones is somehow reassuring.

The most obvious flaw to this original ending is the lack of motivation for Ed's or the kids' actions. The kids presumably still weren't in the rest of the episode, so there's really no reason for them to be here other than reiterating the same idea from 'Your Ed Here' and 'The Good Ole Ed' that the neighborhood kids are always looking for a reason to gang up on Eddy, something that isn't really true of those characters in earlier seasons.

I think I can imagine how, on paper (in the writers' outline), this episode sounded funnier. Trying to imagine this ending as part of the whole episode, I think the script's idea of the final joke is that Ed is not satisfied with ending the tests at the point where they tried to return the phone to Rolf. I think Ed converts the curse-testing process to a scam at that point, building off of how Ed already wasn't processing Eddy's safety in anything so far, and is probably more focused on proving to Edd that curses are real (as Ed was previously in league with Evil Tim). The addition of Ed running his own tests and the kids arguing Eddy's point against Edd's while Eddy's busy, does sound more like a complete manic cartoon boiling point than the way the finished episode just petered out with Edd as the sole antagonist. But unfortunately, in visual execution, suddenly piling in so many aggressive characters and so much random violence at once, would only really result in it petering out at a higher volume.

Meanwhile Edd's characterization is made much more structurally sound in the original ending. He's annoyed FOR Eddy's sake, and the only reason he's not actively helping Eddy is because like 3 other characters were supposed to be arguing with him while this was happening. It seems extremely apparent to me that the cuts made to this ending were for the sake of mitigating Ed's reputation in the fandom, as well as the kids', and I think it's really unfortunate that Edd's characterization was the cost for salvaging everyone else's. I'm glad I already considered his behavior in 'Sorry Wrong Ed' non-canon, because now it feels like the reason the aired ending is so out-of-character is just because Edd is basically arguing with the ghost of the original scene. I formally forgive 'Sorry Wrong Ed'. Production turnarounds are tough and AKA did their best to not turn this into another forgotten 'Special Ed' episode that simply wasn't working.

I think ditching the original ending was ultimately the right call. It was not an exemplary episode, but I can admit it's less out of place to have a pure "vacuum of violence" story than it would've been to essentially give the kids a supernatural revenge plot like this. That would've been really weird to have to accept-- Eddy definitely wouldn't want to be friends with anyone at the end of the movie if THIS was their past. Changing it to an unaware Jonny and a questionably aware Plank being responsible, indeed, was a vibe that landed much more like standard EEnE fare. It was weird enough that the kids all saw Santa in JJJ, can you imagine if they all knew curses were real AND participated in attacking a neighbor with one??

If there was a silver lining for me the first time I saw this episode, it was that none of the kids were directly involved in Eddy's suffering. It made the questionable reality of the cursed device slightly more acceptable that only the Eds and Rolf know about the curse. If this ending had happened, I would've reacted the same, but I would've rejected its continuity even more than I do now, because it would just feel like they animated one of the DC Comics (where the kids can blow the Eds up with fireworks at the end or the Eds can randomly be crushed under an avalanche of anvils)-- the art could end up gorgeous but the characterizations don't exactly land as real human beings, the balance this show strives for typically.

And I think that's all I wanted to say! In the end, I found myself liking 'Sorry Wrong Ed' slightly more than I used to, all thanks to this glimpse into how the animation production system morphs the outcome of a cartoon. Thanks so much to Al Kang, for sharing your art and this insight into the industry! I don't know whether he did both the gesture drawings and the revised art, but judging from his other boards I think the cleaned up art is his, and I liked seeing the poses that almost were!

#ed edd n eddy #sorry wrong ed #al kang #storyboard #concept art #alternate ending #deleted ending #alternate sequence #analysis

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do-what-the-knight-tells-you · 2 years

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Two things I'm chewing on post- Umbrella Academy Season 3.

HEAVY SPOILERS

The First one is old!five, in a separate post over here.

The second one is: Allison’s arc, and how the siblings respond to it, and what we may see going forward

The show doesn't have the greatest track record with following character arcs... Some of Viktor's isolation from the first season is addressed in the second season etc, and they do in general you know seem to mature and change somewhat. Klaus probably has one of the most distinct arcs of anyone, and that's actually (I expect)for the same reason that Victor does, because it's connected to their power use... But in general, arc continuity is patchy.

So, an element of second season I hope not to see repeated is that because of the length of time that the characters experience between first and second season, a lot of them felt to me like we didn't have to deal with their characters from the first season. Character problems they had or interpersonal issues etc we're dropped or smoothed over with that transition. Now, I'm hoping that is a direct result of the time weirdness at the beginning of second season, and we're not going to see that in fourth. I'm hoping that that fourth will resume pretty much immediately where third left off.

Allison's grief and anger spiral, her failure to deal with that, her lashing out and escalation of power use was a lot this season, and it was handled inconsistently and in my opinion not particularly well by the other characters.

I'm curious whether that's because the writers aren't sure how to handle it, or weren't noticing how far they've taken it... Or if it's a case of something that they're planting now to be used later.

In the following sections, I will say things like “I was frustrated”, and I want to be clear: since we do not obviously know where 4th season will go, assuming they get that last season they are hoping for, it’s possible that some of the things I mention are intentional on the part of the writers, and I/we are Meant to be frustrated! That’s cool. Not knowing if we are Intended to feel frustrated with a character, or if it’s accidental and it’s really the writers that are frustrating, is one of the pitfalls of talking about stuff before it’s done. So when I say things like “I was frustrated”, please keep that in mind, that I am discussing my own response to the behavior / portrayal of a fictional character whose arc is not yet finished. This is not intended as any kind of critique of how Real People in the Real World do or should handle their trauma.

Thanks.

Long-ish exploration of Allison’s S3 choices under the cut.

I was very frustrated. I was frustrated, feeling like she was spending a lot of time blaming anyone and everyone and lashing out, and not nearly so much time actually working through things, or owning up to pieces of her own behavior, or seeking help from her siblings, particularly siblings who may actually have a chance of understanding and having good advice. (The fact that this is a perfectly fine arc for a character to go through, if it’s paid off later, doesn’t make it not frustrating, if that’s the plan. things can be frustrating and Also good writing.)

(though, a point in the column of it being a writing mistake is potentially not-great handling wrt racial dynamics. This is not my topic to speak on, but Even I felt like it was a bit weird that she was the only one with much awareness the civil rights movement was going on in S2. Like sure, it’‘l hit her differently, obviously, and she has the potential to be more/differently caught up in it, but it does at time feel like shes on a veeeery different show than the others. with awk crossovers. So the idea the writing may be uniquely awk for her in other places isn’t a bad one.)

It’s a pretty standard Umbrella move for the siblings to not be Particularly aware of what’s going on with each other... whole plot lines are built on it, Whole siblings go missing without notice, whole wars are fought in vietnam... etc.

But for Viktor and Allison, they have apparently talked some already! So for once, that shouldn’t be the issue. and they should have the most in common. both lost partners, though obviously of different lengths and intensities, and to a certain degree they both lost children. Victor didn't birth his, but there's no way he didn't feel parental about Harlan (which, God, makes Allison's decision there all the worse and more despicable). And they both were living in a time period where their identities were restricted/marginalized/criminalized.

They should have some traumas in common, they should have some griefs in common. He could have been a good source of support and advice for her.

Because whether his experience was shorter in that era, or he learned a lot more about how to deal with his emotions and trauma after the disastrous end of the first season/revelations of second (possibly partly because he knows now at high cost that he can't afford to lash out, that too many people get hurt if he lashes out, if his self-control fails)... Viktor seems able to take his similar losses and griefs and experiences and grow from them now, and move on, where Allison is very much still stuck in her grief and trauma, and also is fundamentally unable/unwilling to see that there is any element of her own behavior in it.

I'm obviously not trying to like blame her for her own trauma and loss top-to-bottom... I'm just remembering the way in which her original loss of her daughter was because of her own mistake / misuse of her power. She would not have been available/willing to go hang out with them at Reginald's funeral in the first place, and thereby get caught up in all the other family drama and dragged back to the '60s and all of that, had she not been estranged from her new family because of her own mistake.

When you add to that the fact that a logical assumption about changing the past will be that it changes the future, it definitely should have been a risk people were acknowledging that when they got to the future something like her kid not having been born was a possibility.

I think it's a possibility that other characters had acknowledged, incl non-viktor characters, and that's why there were a few comments sort of urging her to wait or be cautious when she went to look for her daughter... And I would have rather seen her anger directed more broadly on that subject, than again straight at Viktor and then Harlan, who we know was innocent. Like he did it, but it was an accident and sort of an understandable one.

I personally just couldn't stop thinking about that anytime she got mad and attributed this whole mess solely to Viktor. Like friend, you had some agency in that. Specifically, you had some agency in your original estrangement from your family, and you had some agency in what happened to Viktor and the ways in which he was pushed into the explosion in that first season. And you're not owning up to any of that. It would obviously be very painful to own up to it, but you're not owning up to any of it and that's helping you get self-righteous about it and completely externalize your anger and hurt. It’s obviously devastating to have gone through all of this, and to have made the hard choice to leave your partner for your daughter, and suuuuuper devastating to make that exchange and lose them both... but yeah. Diving into anger instead, while not unexpected, is obvs not good.

And we see on the show that it's escalating, from her willingness to assault Luther, to outright murder of a vulnerable and (mostly)innocent man. This is not like five making his way through the time agency. She could have handed Harlan over alive. With her power? Absolutely. Instead, she chose to kill him, she wanted to kill him, and he was very vulnerable at that point. And again, more or less innocent.

She chose to kill someone who she knew couldn't fight back and was likely viewed by Viktor as a sort of adoptive kid.

So we have that, that feels like it was not addressed as deeply as I would have liked, and we have her attempting to SA Luther (Which, in universe I can maybe see why someone with his backstory mightn't have given that more weight, could have been more likely to just sort of default back to the fact that these kinds of things happen to him, his bodily agency is violated multiple times over the course of his life, I can see why he might not have given that quite as much weight, not as much as it deserves, might not have held her to account as strongly as I feel she should have been)...

And we have Five and the others spending a lot more time critiquing Viktor (Viktor who did lie to them again, and we can see why they would be concerned about his lying, but was lying to them in order to protect someone he views a little bit as his kid and definitely as his fault/ responsibility... This is Viktor's fatal flaw, and a good one since you understand why he continues to end up in these positions... I appreciate the uncertainty in Harlan's portrayal where there were a few moments where you thought perhaps he was evil and Viktor had fallen for the exact same damn ploy once more), and the sibs not really censuring Allison until she crosses that line and makes the basement comment to Viktor. Which is a big red line that they finally recognize as a line since that's what originally pushed Viktor over the edge, to everyone's detriment, in first season.

So. Do the rest of the siblings not speak out on her behavior more/sooner because

1. Messy writing, writers not realizing how far they've pushed this

2. The siblings themselves not noticing how bad Allison is getting, partly as a feature of the normal umbrella academy trope where they do not talk to each other enough, despite all the talking they do

3. Are they seeing it but they don't know what to do about it? They know how to talk to Viktor, now, they know how to correct Viktor. Do they not know how to correct Allison? Are they concerned that if they correct her too much, she will use her power on them? Do they feel so uncomfortable with or ignorant of the trauma she's been through that they don't know how to navigate well enough to correct her? Additionally, there’s a potential arrogance/assumption that she’s more right/more knowledgeable about interpersonal dynamics etc element that's part of her character particularly in the first season that could be brought in here/contribute to this.

I personally am hoping that a lot more of number three is going on, and that we will see some of this addressed in the last season. That we will see her have to face more seriously the nature of her power and face the fact that when the going gets tough and she gets frustrated or upset, then she drops her moral reservations against using her power in certain ways. That we will see other people impose and maintain boundaries with her for these reasons... And that we see her figure out how to, if she can, deal with and live with the traumas and griefs she has experienced. Whether that's by actually asking for support from her family, especially from family members who would get it, or whether that is a more individualistic method of dealing with it.

Anyway. I found it fascinating. An enjoyable season for me, much in the line of previous seasons. It had its problems, but again, they were a lot like previous problems I've seen, and did not bother me for the most part.

Here's hoping for a fourth and final season!

#I particularly liked how they handled the trans stuff #apparently this is partly because most of the season was written already when Elliot came out #So they were almost forced to handle it as casually as they did #I thought they handled it well #The scene about the party and Luther was freaking adorable #My only critique is that Allison would definitely have been transphobic at the end #She's willing to outright say that the family should have left Victor in the basement #She's invoking extrems trauma he went through and betrayal and neglect by his family in an attempt to hurt him #there's no reason she wouldn't also have been potentially transphobic to try to hurt him #dead named him or misgendered him or whatever #Except I'm sure that this was also a conscious decision on the writing to not be transphobic #Which is also a fine choice #Just not to even go there #I'm cool with that #Just stuck out to me when she was being deliberately cruel that she didn't also choose to be cruel in that way #umbrella academy #umbrella academy spoilers #umbrella academy meta

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imagine-that-one-thing · 3 years

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Rise Of Glory || 6

Again, it cries, and again, and again.

Harry and I wander to the cobble steps to his mother's house, Alex asleep in Harry's arms from the long drive. The drive was quiet, not because I am tired but because I don't know what to say at this point. Nothing I do or say is going to change things or make anything better. I am at a loss.

The door opens, and his mother stands in the doorway, bewildered by our sudden appearance. I don't blame her. It is unlike us to abruptly show up on her doorstep. Most of the time, Harry gives her a heads up.

She grants us her routine tender smile and ushers us inside.

"What brings you two here suddenly?" Harry's Mum questions.

I glance towards Harry, curious as to what he plans to tell her. Telling your mother you only came to visit to see a grave is not something you'd want to admit out loud or at all.

"Uh," Harry clears his throat, "The media have swarmed my building and are starting to come out at the house. We came here to get a break," Harry answers, opening his arms to half-hug his mother, who he has missed dearly, he won't admit it, but he has. He may hate having to come to Cheshire, I don't think that will ever change, but he loves having his mother back in his life at a more constant and healthier level. Their relationship has improved tremendously since I came here when we first started dating all those years ago. I still remember that weekend like yesterday.

It was the weekend I realised that the man I was falling in love with gives everything he has, mentally, emotionally and physically, to his mother and sisters wellbeing. He'd allow himself to drown a million times if it meant his family could stay afloat.

"I'm going to put him down," Harry informs his mother and me, giving me a tired smile before walking past me and down the hallway towards Harry's old bedroom.

Harry's Mum peers over towards me, her brows furrowing and her lips pursing; I can tell her thoughts are ticking away and that something is playing intensely on her mind. She has the same expression Harry has when he wants to say something but leaves the words on the tip of his tongue, unsure of whether to say them or not.

I cock my head to the side, debating myself whether to give her the go-ahead to tell me whatever is on her mind.

"He's lying to me," Anne bluntly states before I can figure out how to ask her what's on her mind, "You had to have left at around 3 in the morning to be here by now. He's tired, almost like he hasn't slept in days," she points out, "And you… you look exhausted too. I don't believe it's the media at your house that caused you both to drive up here… I'm not complaining. I'm just… I'm curious."

"It has been a long week for him. He wanted to get away." I don't know who I am trying to convince more, myself or her.

"He hates it here with a passion. I have seen the articles."

I nod, agreeing with her. She knows the truth. Harry doesn't bother trying to hide the fact that he still hates this place. Even when we first started dating, he made it known he wasn't happy to be back. His home town brings back memories he doesn't want to remember, especially when he and his relationship with his mother were strained to the point they weren't speaking at all. "This is where he wanted to come."

"But it isn't where he wants to be… he hates it up here… are things that bad in London?" She questions softly, and I can't help but nod. She looks me up and down and bites her lip for a moment, almost as if she's holding back whatever thoughts are racing through her thoughts, "Are you and Harry okay? You're not fighting or?"

"We're fine," I immediately cut her off, "It's the business and the media that's pushing him off the rails."

"Mhm," she hums, "And you, are you okay?"

I give her a small smile and nod, "I'm okay."

"You're lying."

"Anne—"

"Honey, don't take this the wrong way, but you look exhausted. Have you slept at all?"

"It's been a rough few months," I softly respond, "It has taken a lot out of me."

The last three months have been an absolute roller coaster, mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm not quite sure how I've managed to keep things together to the extent I have. There are still days I feel like the world's weight is so heavily on me that I can't breathe. There are days I feel like I'm drowning and can't pull myself away. There are the days I feel like I'm finally okay and can breathe, but the second I manage to come up for air, there's something to pull me down, whether it's work-related, family-related or past related.

"Why didn't you call? Harry kept saying you were fine."

"I have been fine," I respond softly.

In all honesty, I have been fine… kind of. I'm as fine as what can be expected, considering the events that have happened. I'm not going to lie, I may be fine, but I'm still very much up and down when it comes to things. There are good days, and there are bad days.

"If you ever need me, I'm just a call away. You know that, right?" She offers me her sweet, caring smile that has always assured me of tough times and situations.

"Yes, I know."

"Okay, go get yourself some sleep."

"I have work I need to do once I get my laptop out of the car. We might be up here, but the business doesn't stop just because we aren't there."

"Well, at the very least, take a seat on the couch, put your feet up and relax for a minute. Let me at least make you some tea."

"You're too kind to me," I smile towards her.

"You're kind to my son. It's the least I can do for my darling daughter-in-law," she beams.

Anne hands me a steaming cup of tea as I answer a few emails from my phone, too tired to go out and get my laptop. "I have one last question."

"Mhm," I hum, waiting for her to ask what is on her mind.

"What happened to his hand?"

"Oh, he was washing dishes and somehow cut his hand," I tell her the truth.

I don't think it is my place to tell her about Logan or that Harry might be losing his mind. Right now, it is up to Harry to speak to her and want to talk about things. I cannot force him. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Harry will speak when he feels like speaking, and he will tell his mother when he is ready and on his terms.

I don't think I should be the one to tell her that we made the long drive up here just because Harry can't wrap his head around the fact Logan has risen from the dead. No mother wants to hear that as a reason as to why their son has finally visited.

I wish I could say that we visit here often for good occasions, but it is far from the truth. We come up here for holidays, and that is as far as it goes. I have made the drive a few times with Alex to get away from the city, but that has been on rare occasions. Harry doesn't like the idea of me making the drive on my own, and he hates having to come up here. We have settled on staying away from Cheshire and having his mother visit us when she can. I do wish things were a bit different. I do wish we lived closer to his Mum or came up here often. I think it would benefit Harry to be around his mother more and have a family sense. He has my family, but it is different. His mother is irreplaceable, and I know that deep down, he misses his sister. They may not be on the best of terms right now, but I know he loves and misses her.

When Alex is a little older, I would often like to bring him up here to see the neighbours' baby animals. He would love playing with the goats and picking fresh farm eggs, which is not as usual in our life. He would be thrilled to run the fields without a care in the world, a completely different environment compared to home. We have a lot of space for him to run around at home but nothing like the countryside.

❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈

With Harry's fingers laced with my own, I pass the identical headstones that I passed in November of 2021, on the same day we buried Logan.

Nothing has changed about the cemetery. It's still as uncanny and ill-fitting as it was that day. The headstones are still cracked and withered with the voyage of seasons. It is a shame how the graves fade away. It's almost as though since these souls have left earth, nobody cares enough to fix up the graves that have cracked and deteriorated. It bothers me now like it did the day I walked through here a few years ago.

This cemetery is old, at least over 100 years old. I remember noticing some of the inscriptions when I was here last dated back to the 1800s. These monument stones of cold, decaying cement have presumably observed more people and tears of melancholy and exuberance than one could probably picture. And yet, nobody can take the time to take care of the graves. There are scarcely any flowers on the graves.

It disheartens me that as I escort past all these graves, I still feel saddened even years later because we pass by people who have once lived and wandered this very earth.

"Harry, are you sure it's this way?" I challenge as we pass another row of headstones.

I can't tell if my anxiousness tells me we have gone too far or if we need just to leave and go back home. Part of me doesn't want to wander any further than what we have. After all, walking through grave yeards is always eerie.

"I'm sure I know where my dead brother is buried," Harry grimly mutters, "I was here for it." Harry reminds me of the day he endured.

"No need to be so… morbid," I inform him, doing my best to keep my voice low. We don't need an argument in the middle of a cemetery, even if he is a dickhead.

I stop in my tracks, and Harry turns to glance at me as his hand leaves mine, "Why are you stopping?" Harry questions, and I can't help but take a moment to take in his features as a distraction.

I don't know how to tell him that I don't feel comfortable walking in this cemetery, I don't want to go any further, and I don't think this is a beneficial approach. Nothing good ever comes from this place. I push away my thoughts and feelings, "I couldn't remember if I checked on Alex before we left," I lie. I know I checked on Alex before we left. He was still asleep and cuddled up to his teddy bear.

"We both did, love. Mum knows what she's doing, and you know that, relax," Harry responds, kissing my cheek before lacing his fingers back with mine and beginning to walk again.

Harry and I come to an abrupt standstill, and the two of us become withdrawn while we take in the view of what's in front of us. Harry squeezes my hand gently, and I can't help but squeeze back, a small amount of reassurance for him to know that I am right here and that I can see the same thing he can see.

The deafening silence is intruded abruptly and without signal by the ghastly screech of a blackened crow— the same intense screech that I swear I first heard once Logan was buried in this plot.

Again, it cries, and again, and again.

I shiver as a tingle operates through my body, the character of the crow sounding like nails on a chalkboard. This is the same place I stood in years ago when the crow first screeched—Harry was squatting by the grave, gazing at the soil, and I was standing right here.

I take a breath of the crisp air, and my eyes immediately cast themselves on the crow that is shrieking. Its relentless stare catches my own before I take note that it isn't alone. Harry and I are outnumbered and are intently observed by one… two... three… four… five crows, possibly six; I can't tell if the shadow in the distant tree is one of them or not. Either way, I wish we had never come here. They say if you see five crows, sickness will follow; see six crows, and death will follow.

A gust of wind whisks past us, settling brittle, dead leaves to dance around our shoes to take my gaze away from the crows. I watch the leaves swing around our feet, twirling around us like vines, almost as though they're tightening around our feet and ready to pull us down. I caress my hand to my stomach as I observe the leaves tumbling, leaving me with a heavy feeling in my stomach that twists, knots, and tightens like the motions of the leaflets. The breeze declines, and the leaves become motionless.

I gaze back towards where the first crow was, only to find it gone, leaving me with nothing but an unsettling uneasiness in the pit of my stomach and an abandoned grave of where Logan used to rest.

#harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfiction #imagine harry styles #harry styles prompts #harry styles blurbs #harry styles writing #fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #Styles & Co #CEO harry #CEO harry edits #Imagine harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles one shots #harry styles preferences #1d imagine

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elizabethrobertajones · 4 years

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Did Bobo really create the Wayward Sisters? If so, why weren't Jack and especially Cas included in that episode? That's my biggest issue with that pilot honestly, I mean, the fact that the show abandoned Claire and Cas' bond after season 10 and gave that storyline to Salmondean. Her bond with Cas is more interesting because of their connection to the Novaks. I also think that Claire and Jack would've made a more engaging dynamic and spin off together, I think they're strong characters & actors

Hi there!

Bobo isn’t the “creator” of Wayward so much as it can even have one, as it was a very organic idea, which even involved a healthy amount of fandom input. The original campaign in season 10 was for Wayward Daughters, and the idea picked up so much steam the altered title for, I guess, a mix of copyright and thematic relevance was the Sisters one. I’d say 10x08 was the real genesis of it as something that could be really solid. Once Kim and Briana were put together the chemistry and star power they could have had together was really meteoric as far as our small SPN world was concerned. Phil Sgriccia directed 9x13 and wrote 10x08 and was more of the parent of Wayward than any specific writer in that sense. Jody and Claire were pretty much common property of the show by that point. Claire was really introduced again in relation to plotlines and questions about Cas and less to do with them really going out of their way to re-launch her. I think they’d have been much cornier about it from the start and while YA protagonist diary writing her way through the end of Wayward Sisters was cute, it’s the sort of cutesy that really has to be earned. If she STARTED that way, like maybe me and 3 friends would be stanning her and everyone else would be revolted :P

(I am a YA fantasy novel author, but I do think everyone should make room in their hearts for this level of cheese)

In any case, Bobo just threw his hat into an already crowded ring with Alex, but obviously loving the characters and having his own personal wayward child to contribute did help elevate him to the prospective showrunner seat, but also all the other writers who’d written these characters except Dabb had left at that point. If Bobo was going to shepherd them through to their new show, he’d be the legacy writer, even though he was a new baby writer in the season Donna was introduced... Attrition aside, he did genuinely write them very well, loved their stories and was great with writing Jody when he could get her, so he would also have been a good choice even if all the others were left still...

But anyway. Season 10′s subplot for Cas was about Claire and learning some stuff about himself along the way, but she was used very much for his personal development and for Dean as well, being a mini Dean herself in a season where he had lost a lot of his sense of self. It’s a total accident of scheduling but Angel Heart (10x20) being the last episode before 10x22 is a nice touch in that regard. And while Cas tried really hard with Claire and awoke his inner Dad side so that he’d be more prepared for fatherhood next time, it was pretty insurmountable between them to have anything more than a bittersweet relationship where the best he could do was make up with her and see her somewhere safe. The fact of him looking like her actual dead father is horrendous the more you think about it and while she managed to see him for who he was instead of a horrible monster, that’s more than enough trauma to inflict on an already traumatised girl for the sake of helping Cas’s manpain and tidying up the sticky question of Jimmy and Cas’s right to the vessel.

Angel Heart very specifically ends with TFW mailing Claire to Jody because they know she’s already good with Alex in a genuine way and can handle these sort of issues and has done it before. And also because she can be a guardian who will not constantly remind Claire that her father is dead but something is walking around wearing a perfect reconstruction of his face. Carver era did a few things here and there with bodily autonomy and the problem of angel and demon vessels, but it was also really hit and miss. They’d get random waves of feeling guilty about it but then by necessity go back to stabbing angels in their still-living vessels an episode later. Claire was a way to address at the very least that whatever Cas was being put through was only a punishment on Cas and not on Jimmy as well, which is probably why we got such sappy Heaven scenes. We NEEDED to be shown he was in Heaven and largely okay with what was going on so that the show could justify using Cas at all as a character without breaking the code of ethics they tried to make their own characters adhere to. Aside from that it also gave Cas a side plot for when he wasn’t needed in the main plot, and any emotional connection to anything that wasn’t Sam and Dean.

Anyway 10x20 caused this huge fandom high which was followed by one of the lowest lows of the fandom immediately after, and both centred on female characters (in fact, now we know, 2 lesbians even! Though I’d wonder if, The Gay Agenda aside, Bobo spite-wrote that specifically because of the roots of Wayward) and I think that galvanised the whole movement of fans and hopefully some self-reflection in the show. They DID start making an effort in season 11, which shows some of the early signs of better inclusion but also backtracking or edging nervously away from the more intense Carver era stuff. Not just because Dean didn’t have the Mark any more but in general it was like someone had opened a window and let in some fresh air... Even before Carver bailed somewhere around the midseason to go do a different show and Dabb started to step up.

All this to say that the Wayward stuff was always about the female characters and making up for the past sins of the show. It’s even a riff on the “wayward son” line which obviously centres around male protagonists and their journey. Claire stumbled into being a part of it in the lucky way of being in the right place and time, but the journey had already started even in the season 10 momentum with earlier work and it was that which suddenly made the prospect that Jody had two young women living with her now seem like a starter for the next generation of the show as it was a mirrored format to season 1 in a way, if you took Alex and Claire as the new Sam and Dean. It was exciting but people flipped out after Angel Heart because stuff had been bubbling since season 9 and earlier in season 10, so this was just pouring more candy into an already visibly full bowl of potential tasty gems. It made a possibility seem real that hadn’t before because we already had Kim bitterly complaining that the CW refused to hear the case for a Jody spin off because she was too old. The next best thing was a Jody spin off where she was the Gandalf to some CW age appropriate characters.

(the CW is and always has been garbage)

Anyway in season 13 Jack was introduced as a Claire 2.0 but as a male character with staying power for that reason, but he was filling the space she left for Cas. He couldn’t be a father to her and neither really wanted that set up anyway. But thematically it had created the possibility of Dadstiel and the space he had in his heart for that. Since the show was in its waning years they would be looking for endgame and handing Cas an easy win with a son he could unconditionally love who would love him back unconditionally absolutely filled that gap. It was a non SamnDean thing that Cas could have for himself outside of whatever happened with them. Not sure the memo came back that he was supposed to have mORE than that but oh well it’s not real if you don’t watch it :))) But yeah Jack was always going to be linked to Cas’s endgame, he wasn’t a free-floating character such as Jody who could go where she wanted and do as she pleased. He was main story relevant from start to finish and tied inexorably to another main character’s fate. Because the show wouldn’t do that with its female characters they could be bundled into spin offs but in practical terms Jack was both never what the Wayward as envisioned by fans or writers was about, nor would he have been free to go.

Since it would have been about centering the stories of people overlooked by the main story, Claire a case in point that she had her life ruined in season 4 and it was a footnote until season ten, and then metaphorically more the concept of having queer and non-white characters in the mix of main characters, it would have represented a future of the story where the main show was unable to tread. Probably because of the CW. Also inherent biases in the writers. Bad cocktail. Jack is both too white and too male to fit the brief to ever leave SPN, and not only that but he is so as a precise mirror to the main white male characters, being passably any one of their sons if you squint, and meant to be instantly instinctively read as such... he was one of the safest bets of representing the show as the network wanted to imagine its target demographic.

So I really don’t think that Jack has any place being in a spin off of the show unless you want more of the same. They tried to give us something different and the CW didn’t like it because it wasn’t more of the same. Ironically a Jack spin off, with or without Claire, would have more chance of being greenlit and more chance of success. But the spin off they put their heart behind was Wayward Sisters as it was. And I think it was absolutely correct that never mind leaving Jack out of it after his work was done in the lead up episode to help set the table, but honestly they could have cut all the middle scenes of Sam and Dean wandering in the woods and gained precious seconds with the girls and still had a functioning story with those guys. It was like some cowardly missive was sent that the show couldn’t actually go more than 10 minutes without showing a flesh and blood Winchester or the whole thing would spontaneously sizzle out of syndication and the money tree would wither on the spot. And in the mean time, we could have been having Banter with the girls. Or Claire and Kaia holding hands some more. The good stuff :P

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salvatoreschool · 4 years

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Every The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, and Legacies Ship Ranked

53. Daroline (Damon Salvatore and Caroline Forbes)

Our first ship is our worst ship because we can't find literally anything nice to say about Daroline. Consent issues, mind-control, and death threats are not exactly the stuff of great romance, and Damon should thank his lucky stars Caroline forgave him for this abominable period when they were together.

52. Calaric (Caroline Forbes and Alaric Saltzman)

Ew. Gross. No. Kill it with fire. We've got no idea what The Vampire Diaries was trying to do with this ship, but we hated every second of it, and we're not ashamed to say it. We don't care that years had passed since Caroline was his student or that there were weirder ages gaps on the show, trying to ship a student-teacher relationship feels wrong no matter which way you slice it.

51. Klenevieve (Klaus Mikaelson and Genevieve)

Klenevieve was a blink and you'll miss it kind of ship on The Originals, but it still technically counts. Ultimately though, Klaus and Genevieve's connection was mostly physical, and there were far too many double-crosses and manipulations on both sides of this relationship to give it much credit.

50. Parkwood (Liv Park and Tyler Lockwood)

Liv and Tyler's love story kind of flew under the radar on The Vampire Diaries, but that's probably just because there were like 18 insane storylines happening at once in Season 6. This ship was actually pretty cute, and the only thing keeping it from a better ranking is the fact that Tyler, you know, killed her with his bare hands to activate his werewolf curse.

49. Malaric (Meredith Fell and Alaric Saltzman)

Talk about ships that flew under the radar. Alaric and Meredith Fell shared a brief tryst in Seasons 3 and 4 of The Vampire Diaries, but this relationship always felt like it was built to move the plot forward instead of the other way around. Kind of too snooze-worthy to deserve a good ranking.

48. Menny (Matt Donovan and Penny Ares)

We're not going to pretend like we cared even a little about Matt and Penny's romance on The Vampire Diaries. However, we're also not going to pretend like the scene where Matt hallucinates her ghost and begs her to take him with her after his car crash was anything other than devastating emotional torture that came out of nowhere and has stayed with us to this day.

47. Jolaric (Jo Parker and Alaric Saltzman)

Jo and Alaric really got the rough end of the stick as far as TVD ships go. They'd only just started to find their groove when Jo found out she was pregnant with twins, forcing them into a shotgun wedding that ended in tragedy. If these two had been given the time to start their family together the way they should have, we have no doubt they could have become one of the show's best duos ever. We'll have to settle for them creating one of the best duos ever -- Josie and Lizzie Saltzman!

46. Rizzie (Rafael Waithe and Lizzie Saltzman)

It's hard not to ship all of the Legacies kids with each other considering the great chemistry that cast has, but Rizzie is one we just never loved. Lizzie seems too intense for Rafael, and Raf doesn't exactly seem like the kind of guy that would give her the level of attention and devotion she requires. This ship was kind of a flop in Sesason 1, and we'd prefer it stay that way.

45. Debekah (Damon Salvatore and Rebekah Mikaelson)

Damon and Rebekah shared one night of tearing ballgowns and tuxes off each other, and then it was never really spoken of again. It's hard to properly rank a ship that basically came down to "that one time we had hate sex," but hookups like this were what The Vampire Diaries was built on.

44. Haylijah (Hayley Marshall and Elijah Mikaelson)

We really wanted to rank Haylijah higher on this list, but all the passion and angst in the world can't distract us from the cold hard truth: Hayley and Elijah had issues. Major issues. Not the least of which being that he killed her in the final season of the show. Whether you consider their love story to be one of the best or worst this shared universe ever created, at least you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that they gave it all they had.

43. Klaurora (Klaus Mikaelson and Aurora de Martel)

For as long as we've known Klaus, he was always teetering on the brink of insanity, which is kind of what we loved most about him. Aurora, on the other hand, has been batshit crazy her whole life and it's so not a good look on her. This weird, obsessive, "let's see who can out-crazy the other" romance was not to our taste at all.

42. KymG (Kym and MG)

We can't claim to be huge fans of the romance between Kim and MG on Legacies, though their names fit together so perfectly for a ship name that we almost demand they be endgame based only on that. Unfortunately, the show never really gave them the screen time they needed to get us invested in their love story before Kym decided she'd had enough superantural shenanigans and left Mystic Falls.

41. Elijah Mikaelson and Antoinette Sienna

On every TV show, there are ships that just make us shrug, and Elijah and Antoniette are definitely one of those. They don't even have a ship name, that's forgettable this tryst was. Even with memory loss, hidden pasts, and romantic pinao duets, this couple was kind of just meh.

40. Sizzie (Sebastian and Lizzie Saltzman)

Sebastian and Lizzie may have had potential, but in the end it turned out to be wasted. Their chemistry was off the charts, but like many teenagers swept up in romance, they never really took the time to connect or learn about each other. Maybe that's why they ended on such a sour note. Still, at least Sebastian went out a hero?

39. Jicki (Jeremy Gilbert and Vicki Donovan)

You know, we were really rooting for Jeremy and Vicki when The Vampire Diaries first started. They had that whole, rebels who are too cool for school, but not too cool for love thing going on. Ultimately though, we don't think Vicki would have ever calmed down enough for Jeremy, who was really only pretending to be a wild child to deal with his parents' deaths. This ship just wasn't to be.

38. Maroline (Matt Donovan and Caroline Forbes)

You know those Season 1 ships that you know are never going to make it, but every time you look back on them they make you nostalgic? That's what Maroline is for us. A cute relationship between two characters we love dearly that just never quite fit perfectly together. That being said, if there had been no vampires or life-or-death scenarios in Mystic Falls, Maroline absolutely would have been endgame material.

37. Stalerie (Stefan Salvatore and Valerie Tulle)

Stefan and Valerie had one of the weirdest love stories we've ever seen, but there was still a small part of us that was rooting for them. In a world not besieged by curses and vampire hunters and prison worlds, these two could have really been something! Sadly, Stefan has like five more appealing ships, which is probably why they never really made it that far.

36. Hafael (Hope Mikaelson and Rafael Waithe)

Legacies made a solid attempt to recreate another brotherly love triangle, but we weren't really feeling it with Rafael, Hope, and Landon. Raf and Hope have a great friendship going, but it's probably best left there considering how much more fans seem to prefer her relationship with Landon.

35. Marcille (Marcel Gerard and Camille O'Connell)

Remember when Marcel and Camille were a thing for a hot minute? Neither do we! Sorry to Marcille fans, but though these two had decent chemistry, they just never got a lot of attention as a couple, and so their love story kind of faded into obscurity.

34. Jasie (Jade and Josie Saltzman)

The Vampire Diaries universe sure does love its enemies to lovers ships, doesn't it? Josie and Jade started off on opposing sides in Kai's prison world, but after Jade turned her humanity back on, things started to change between them. At least the sex dreams they started having about each other did. Jade and Josie might be perfect for one another, seeing as they both understand having a dark side that's hard to deny.

33. Carenzo (Caroline Forbes and Enzo St. John)

While Caroline and Enzo never made it past the friendzone, we wouldn't have hated it if they'd had a thing. There was a lack of "epic love story" vibes between them, and when Enzo was at his worst, Caroline brought out the light-hearted, carefree side of him. Plus, all things considered, he really was her type - morally scrupulous Brit, who would burn the world down for the people he loves -- why does that sound familiar?

32. Mizzie (M.G. and Lizzie Saltzman)

Every day we go back and forth on whether MG and Lizzie are soulmates or whether they're the perfect best friend duo of all time. Could they possibly be both? Sure, Lizzie takes MG for granted sometimes, and MG can be a little thoughtless sometimes, but that doesn't mean these two aren't connected in a deep, meaningful way that most people can only dream of.

31. Noralise (Nora and Mary-Louise)

Though we only got them for one season, Nora and Mary-Louise had us from the moment they said hello. We do love a bad girl, and two bad girls together? We're toast! Our favorite thing about this ship is that while it was clear Nora and Mary-Louise didn't care about much in this world, they cared about each other, and that was more than enough for them.

30. Klayley (Klaus Mikaelson and Hayley Marshall)

When The Originals first premiered, we were sure Klaus and Hayley would eventually fall in love and live happily ever after with their precious loophole baby, but ultimately these two just weren't meant to be anything more than one really hot night. That being said, watching them as co-parents just proves that not all ships need to be romantic to work.

29. Rope (Roman Sienna and Hope Mikaelson)

Roman and Hope's sweet, timid flirtation on The Originals was like a breath of fresh air after some of the intense, life-changing, epic love stories we'd been getting for five straight years. Rope -- whoever came up with that ship name was having too much fun that day -- would have ranked higher if the whole relationship wasn't just Roman's ploy to get close to Hope's family.

28. Stebekah (Stefan Salvatore and Rebekah Mikaelson)

The Vampire Diaries had the best flashbacks on TV, hands down, partially because when your characters have lived for centuries, you can really mix things up. One of said mix-ups was the revelation that Stefan and Rebekah had been an item back in the 1920s, and while their romance is probably best left in the age of prohibition, it was always one of our favorites.

27. Hizzie (Hope Mikaelson and Lizzie Saltzman)

Hope and Lizzie would definitely have that whole "enemies to lovers" thing going for them if they ever decided to take the plunge together. The bond we've seen these two develop over the course of Legacies has been so wonderful to watch, and while at the moment we prefer them as badass besties, we wouldn't hate to see them head towards romantic territory someday.

26. Janna (Jeremy Gilbert and Anna Zhu)

When The Vampire Diaries first paired Jeremy and Anna together, we thought our little vampire-loving hearts would give out. They were both so damaged and dark and alone in the world that they somehow fit perfectly together. Not even multiple deaths could keep them apart! Losing this one was hard, but at least ghost Anna came back to hang out occasionally.

25. Datherine (Damon Salvatore and Katherine Pierce)

Call us crazy, but even through all the craziness and manipulation, there seemed to be a spark of something between Damon and Katherine that was just undeniable. Maybe it was the fact that they both put up a dark and diabolical front to mask their real feelings about the way their lives turned out. This wasn't a ship for the ages, but it certainly was a pairing we'll remember forever.

24. Kennett (Kol Mikaelson and Bonnie Bennett)

You know a fandom is strong when it can build a ship of dreams out of like 2 episodes and 10 lines of dialogue, but that's about all Bonnie Bennett and Kol Mikaelson ever shared. And yet somehow, Kennett is always going to feel like the one that got away in terms of ships that totally should've happened but never did.

23. Klamille (Klaus Mikaelson and Camille O'Connell)

Despite their messy ending, Klaus and Camille's relationship showed us sides of each character that we otherwise would never have seen. Though it was missing some of the passion usually found in The Vampire Diaries and The Originals ships, it was still absolutely heartbreaking to watch Klaus lose a woman who meant so much to him when Cami died.

22. Jandon (Josie Saltzman and Landon Kirby)

This short-lived romance between Josie and Landon may not have been super popular with fans, but it was perfectly in character for both these self-sacrificing loners to find their way to one another. It may not have been a romance for the ages, but it was an age-appropriate and utterly endearing one, and that's good enough for us!

21. Kolvina (Kol Mikaelson and Davina Claire)

As one of the few ships that managed to make it out of The Originals series finale alive, we have to give Kol and Davina props. Their love story survived multiple deaths, body-swaps, and that pesky problem of Kol accidentally murdering Davina that one time. We want nothing more than peace and happiness for eternity for these two crazy kids.

20. Jalaric (Jenna Sommers and Alaric Saltzman)

While some believe Alaric's love life is cursed, those of us who watched the early years of The Vampire Diaries know better. Alaric will simply never find someone as perfect for him as Jenna Sommers, which means he's destined to fall in and out of subpar ships forever. Poor guy, it's rough when your soulmate dies so early on in the first of three sequential shows.

19. Klefan (Klaus Mikaelson and Stefan Salvatore)

This one's another ship was never technically canon, but as far as we're concerned that was a GRAVE mistake. Klaus and Stefan had chemistry coming out of their ears, and you're seriously trying to tell us that nothing happened between these two during their days of debauchery in the 1920s? Yeah right, you're not fooling us!

18. Jayley (Jackson Kenner and Hayley Marshall)

Jackson and Hayley may not have had the passion and the fire that some of the best TVD ships boasted, but they had something that very few other pairings had: A rock-solid friendship built on trust and understanding that grew organically into true love. Considering how crazy their world was, they both needed a relationship like this to keep them sane, which is maybe why we ended up loving it so much?

17. Kalijah (Katherine Pierce and Elijah Mikaelson)

Katherine and Elijah only shared maybe a handful of scenes together over the entire course of The Vampire Diaries, but they're somehow one of three ships we would have watched an entire spin-off about. Their love stood the test of time and somehow overcame hybrid-sized grudges, and that's about as romantic as it gets.

16. Rebel (Rebekah Mikaelson and Marcel Gerard)

Though we love Marcel and Rebekah (especially when we think about the day they both take the cure and grow old together), this couple had one major problem... One of them wasn't on the show all that often, which meant their romance faded to the background every time Rebekah left town -- which was a lot. We'll put this in the category of ships that were done dirty by logistical, behind-the-scenes stuff.

15. Bamon (Bonnie Bennett and Damon Salvatore)

The Bamon saga was one of the most topsy-turvey things to follow on The Vampire Diaries, but we loved every minute of it. From shipping them a little bit in Season 1 to hating everything about it in Season 3, to watching them grow into best buds in Season 6, Bonnie and Damon went on a journey unparalleled by any other ship in the TVDu. Do we kind of wish they'd given romance a try? Sure. Are we going to let that invalidate how awesome their story was? No way.

14. Gialijah (Gia and Elijah Mikaelson

We're probably going to get some hate for this, but if we had to pick between all of Elijah's ships, Gialijah would probably win out. Sure, they weren't star-crossed lovers or centuries-old flames, but if you're looking for a healthy dynamic (of which Elijah was sorely lacking) with great chemistry and some awesome scenes, Gialijah is the ship for you.

13. Handon (Hope Mikaelson and Landon Kirby)

Hope and Landon are kind of the Stelena of Legacies. Not a pairing that we think will be endgame (no matter how heartbroken that will leave us), but integral to the DNA of the series nonetheless. We're content to enjoy this sweet couple strive for their happy ending, and we'll even root for them most of the time as they grow up together and figure out this crazy supernatural world.

12. Jaiden (Josh Rosza and Aiden)

Oh, Josh and Aiden... the ship that was too pure for this world. Literally. Though both these characters bit the dust before all was said and done on The Originals, their love story was super sweet, and, hey, at least we got to see them reunite in the afterlife!

11. Beremy (Bonnie and Jeremy)

If any of you ever had a crush on your older brother or sister's friends, you'll understand our undying love for Beremy. There was something so cathartic about watching Bonnie realize that Jeremy had grown up to be a sweet, sexy, utterly dateable guy instead of Elena's annoying little brother. Even though the didn't end up together, they deserve a high ranking in this list of epic ships.

10. Posie (Penelope Park and Josie Saltzman)

Considering how few episodes of Legacies Penelope was in before she bounced, it's remarkable that so many people fell so deep in love with the Posie ship. We guess there's just something intoxicating about a bad girl who will do bad things for the girl she loves. If you come for Josie, Penelope will come for you!

9. Steferine (Stefan Salvatore and Katherine Pierce)

Is it weird that we always kind of thought Stefan and Katherine would end up together when all was said and done? Don't get us wrong, that relationship was toxic at best, but when they were on screen together, you just couldn't pull your eyes away from them. It was like watching a really sexy, complicated train wreck in action.

8. Forwood (Caroline Forbes and Tyler Lockwood)

Considering how often Caroline and Tyler were separated (by distance, evil hybrids, or opposing loyalties), it's pretty impressive that they were still one of the most memorable ships from The Vampire Diaries. It some mixed the sweetness of Maroline with the passion of Klaroline, creating a happy middle ground for fans to enjoy.

7. Freelin (Freya Mikaelson and Keelin Malraux)

Did we really understand the term OTP before Freelin existed? We doubt it. Freya and Keelin had their ups and downs on The Originals, to be sure, but through it all, there was never a doubt in our minds that these two strong, smart, sexy women were absolutely made for one another. Knowing they're living out their happily ever after in New Orleans with a cute little baby named Nik is the only thing that gets us through the day sometimes.

6. Steroline (Stefan Salvatore and Caroline Forbes)

Considering how many ships exist in this universe, it's shocking that Steroline is one of only a handful to make it down the aisle. Poor Stefan seemed doomed to be forever locked in a love triangle with his brother until Caroline Forbes entered his life. Not only did he no longer have to deal with love triangle BS, he got to marry his best friend, who he knew would support him through thick and thin. If only it hadn't taken them so long to figure out how awesome they could be together.

5. Benzo (Bonnie Bennett and Enzo St. John)

Sometimes it's hard to ship characters that are thrown together at the end of a series as opposed to the beginning, but that was not the case with Bonnie and Enzo. One minute they were two characters who'd never really interacted much, and the next they were epic loves who built a strong relationship built on trust, compassion, and a lot of laughter. Honestly, they fit so well together even we were surprised by it!

4. Stelena (Stefan Salvatore and Elena Gilbert)

Of all the ships to ever grace our screens over the years, there was something truly special about Stefan and Elena. Maybe it's because we associate their love story with some of the best years The Vampire Diaries ever had, or maybe their connection really was just too epic for words. Whatever the case, Stelena was one for the history books, and we dare you to say different.

3. Hosie (Hope Mikaelson and Josie Saltman)

It might seem weird to put a ship that's not, technically speaking, canon (yet!) so high on our list, but we absolutely won't apologize for it. Putting aside the obvious fact that these girls are definitely, majorly, into each other, Hope and Josie have proven over and over again that they not only understand each other on a deep, intimate level, they also care enough about one another to go to the ends of the earth to keep each other safe and happy. That kind of devotion when paired with a healthy, supportive dynamic is a killer combination.

2. Klaroline (Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes)

Klaus and Caroline never really got the timing right, but maybe that's what makes this ship one of the best in the history of The Vampire Diaries universe. They were enemies, they were lovers, and they were kind of even friends for a minute there, and the fact that they never really got a chance to be together only makes this ship more EPIC. Plus, it's kind of impossible not to swoon when a guy declares he'll be your last love.

1. Delena (Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert)

Was there ever any doubt that this list would end here? Whether you loved Delena or not, there's no denying this couple was iconic, and a large part of The Vampire Diaries' success was built on their love story. Sure, we would have preferred for them to not have different versions of the same fight for four seasons in a row, but that doesn't mean we don't still get major chills whenever we rewatch their first kiss or their series finale happily ever after.

#Legacies #TheOriginals #TheVampireDiaries #TVD #Hosie #Posie #Handon #Delena #Stelena #Haylijah #Klaroline #Klamille #Freelin #JuliePlec #TheCW

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