#We need better autistic representation in media!!!!!!

[miss2angel]

꒰੭  wordgirl opinion⠀ ⠀ ◟𓋜

i love lady redundant woman because she's just blatantly WEIRD. like she's an ACTUAL weirdo. she's weird and odd and crazy and " weird " women in media aren't usually portrayed like that and i love her. she's not the romanticised kind of weird, she really is a weirdo freak and she's my favourite character for that reason (also i'm a lesbian) as a neurodivergent woman who's been actually WEIRD my whole life it's really nice to see and actually weird neurodivergent coded female character in media who isn't just the " heh.... yeah i'm kinda weird :3 " kind of weird.

she's straight up a freak who has a blatant weird hyperfixation (edit: forgot to mention this but she's super objectum coded its really cool) ACTUALLY struggles in social situations and doesn't understand why she's disliked. she can't stand dave because he glides through life and social situations so smoothly and she just CAN'T and she really doesn't understand how he does it. she's jealous of him and not just because he's the manager. she's exhausted and grumpy because of work and how society treats her JUSTT like how a lot of neurodivergent people feel. we need more (especially female) characters like her who depict the less appealing side of being autistic even if she isn't canonically neurodivergent. she's literally better autism representation than CANONICALLY autistic characters from other media argue with the wall (/j this fandom is so chill)

also im just like REALLY gay for her i love weird women who are actually weird

[ronanceautistic]

"it's a stereotype that autistics love trains. it's a stereotype that autistics are asexual. it's a stereotype that autistics don't understand gender. it's a stereotype that autistics can't socialise. it's a stereotype that autistics are picky eaters."

my train-loving, asexual, gender confused, anti-social, arfid-having autistic ass:

[vadlings]

Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

[cy-cyborg]

The Jaws Effect and what it means for media representation

The Jaws Effect is the name of a phenomenon that described the panic and fear that sprang up around sharks, fuelled by Steven Spielberg's movie, Jaws. While the fear of sharks and other marine predators had always been a thing, Jaws launched the fear of sharks, and Great White Sharks in particular, to new (and mostly unfounded) heights. Most people will never encounter a real-life shark and so their only knowledge about the creatures come from movies and other forms of entertainment. Entertainment that largely portrayed them as mindless, unfeeling killing machines. After Jaws, sharks became a staple in the creature-feature genre of movies, which only perpetuated the idea of sharks as dangerous monsters even further, reigniting and reconfirming the beliefs the public held about them in the process. These ideas about sharks are, of course, not true, but the misconception and fear has had a real, observable impacts on shark populations, shark conservation efforts and even laws and legislations surrounding sharks and shark conservation around the world.

Ok but Cy, this is a blog about disability and disabled representation, what do sharks have to do with anything you talk about? Well, Because The Jaws Effect is just one of many examples that shows how massive of an impact representation in the media can have, for better or for worse, especially when talking about subjects the public generally knows very little about.

This conversation is not unique to disability representation, nearly every person I've seen who's talked about how to write and design characters from any minority brings it up eventually, but the media we consume, the movies we watch, the books we read can all have big impacts on people's perceptions on those topics. When talking about disability specifically, it's an unfortunate reality that not many people know all that much about us, and so, much like sharks, for many, their only real exposure to disabled people is through the media they consume.

If you don't know anyone in a wheelchair, and your only knowledge of life as a wheelchair user comes from books and movies like Me Before You, of course you're going to (spoiler) come away thinking that life in a wheelchair is horrible and death is better than living like that. If you don't know any DID Systems and your only exposure to a condition like that is through movies like Split (and honestly, a number of other horror movies and crime shows) of course you'll think people with DID are unstable monsters who could become violent any moment. If your only exposure to autistic people is Music, then it's not shocking that you might think Autistic people are "trapped in their own minds," completely unaware of the world around them and lacking any kind of agency. As much as I'd like to be able to say these are "just movies" or "just books," and that if we don't like them, we can just not watch them, they all had an impact on the real world and real people's perceptions of the disabilities they depicted, as do the many, many smaller examples of bad representation.

This is why I personally spend so much time focused on the portrayal of disability in the media, why so much of my content is focused on creating resources for creators to represent us better, and why I think writers, artists and other types of creators should care about the representation they include.

Unfortunately, people believing misinformation and stereotypes, while annoying, isn't the worst of the impacts bad rep can have. If a stereotype is prevalent enough, and enough people believe it, it can both put us in harms way and cause us to loose access to things we desperately need and things designed to help us. One really common example of this is when movies and TV shows show a character getting up out of their wheelchair, and use this as proof that the person is faking being disabled. However, in reality, there are many disabilities that might mean someone has to use a wheelchair, even if they can still walk a little bit or stand up. The stereotype of someone standing up from their chair being a fake, especially when it's reinforced over and over again in the media, leads non-disabled people to believe that anyone who stands up from their wheelchair is faking, and results in a lot of real disabled people being harassed and denied things like access to disabled parking, toilets and other accessible spaces. There were even a few cases of people reporting those they see get out of their wheelchairs to Centrelink (The Australian "welfare" department, for those not familiar) as frauds, and while these investigations don't usually go far before someone realises what's happened, it has, on occasion, resulted in people loosing the income they depend on to survive, even temporarily.

But the impact of representation, of course, can go both ways.

I was in high school when the first How To Train Your Dragon movie came out, and at the time, I didn't really like people being able to see that I was a leg amputee because I was sick of kids in particular staring, pointing at me, asking their parents "what's wrong with them?" or asking me directly, "what's wrong with your legs?". I wore long skirts and big, bulky tracksuit pants to keep my legs covered, something that became dangerous in the hot Australian summer, but I didn't care.

But the impact of How to Train Your Dragon came in two ways. The first, was that it was one of the first times I'd seen an amputee (or rather, multiple amputees) who didn't keep their prosthetics covered or hidden, and it gave me the little boost in confidence I needed to do that myself and wear clothing that was more comfortable and functional. And second, the comments from children changed, albeit slightly, but enough that it was noticeable. The questions and comments went from "what's wrong with you?" to "oh cool, your legs are like Hiccup's!" I even had one little girl ask me once if I had a pet night fury. They went from being scared of me and my legs, or at the very least concerned for me, to genuinely curious and impressed. While reactions like that did become less and less common over time, they didn't fully go away either. Even today, I occasionally get young kids asking me why I have legs like hiccup. A friend of mine who was born with one arm shorter than the other and without fingers on that side had a similar experience with the movie Finding Nemo. Her disability was a bit more complex than what I described here, and she always found it hard to explain "what happened" to small children, however, after Finding Nemo came out, she was able to simply tell kids "this is my lucky fin, like what nemo has!" and that was enough to take her from someone "scary" to these kids to someone like their favourite characters.

Of course, it's much easier to see the impact positive representation can have on people's perceptions when we're talking about kids media, but it's not exclusive to it either.

When it comes to a minority like the disabled community who are so thoroughly misunderstood by the wider public, misinformation can and does spread easily. What people see and read in the media they consume plays a big roll in how people perceive the real people attached to the stereotypes. We often hear people say "Fiction imitates life" but the reverse can and often is also true, life can imitate and be influenced by fiction, and those of us creating should be mindful of this, especially when we're talking about a group of vulnerable people.

[Thumbnail ID: An illustration of a Great White Shark swimming near the rocky bottom of the ocean, surrounded by silver fish. In the bottom left corner of the image is "The Jaws Effect and what it means for media representation" in big, white bubble text. /End ID]

[hypotenussy]

we need more autistic female characters who are angry and violent. the nimona graphic novel did this better than any other piece of media I've seen and I would love to see more representation of autistic girl rage.

[riflehound]

it makes me kind of sad to see how many people online make fun of autism depictions in media... even the "stereotypical" ones. i often see people make fun of media with autistic characters (either canon described as autistic, or heavy implications and autistic traits) and then say its because its "inaccurate" and "stereotypical" and "overexaggerated" like... are we ignoring the fact that some autistic people do present that way?

my personal example of this is the tv show the good doctor, i watched the first couple seasons when i was like 14ish and first coming to terms with my autism diagnosis (before that point i had done everything i could to ignore it, and my mom had hidden the fact that i was diagnosed from me for a few years because she didnt want me to feel bad... i was diagnosed around age 10 and really would have benefitted from support, but never got any)

i am aware that the show doesnt have the best representation and isnt the most accurate, and i do wish the actor who played the character had been autistic, for better representation as well as promoting autistic actors... but i still loved the show, medical science is a special interest of mine and i have wanted to be a surgeon ever since i was very little, so i really liked to see a show about a topic i love that shows someone like me being successful! i was very happy!

later on i ended up going online and searching the show, all i saw were people making fun of the show and making fun of the character for autism things... all done under the "nobody actually acts like that" argument... it really did hurt me a lot, because i actually act like that. a lot of the struggles the character had are real struggles i face as an autistic person, even if the show doesnt always represent them the best

i struggle with making friends, i struggle with physical touch, i struggle with saying the "wrong" thing and not really knowing how to converse (especially in emotional situations), i am monotone, i need rigid routines, etc etc... so i was very happy to see a show with someone like me!! and it makes me sad how many people make fun of it with the excuse of "nobody is actually like that" because yes! people are! i am!

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Hello. I watched the show the haunting of hill house on Netflix recently. And I am really impressed with Oliver Jackson-cohen and then I remember he was a popular fancast for moonknight. he lowkey looks like Smallwood's MK and he's a great actor and he's Jewish. What are your thoughts on him as Moon knight?do you think he can do better than Oscar Isaac? Most of comic mk fans who doesn't like the mk show prefers him than Oscar isaac.

So I have not watched Haunting of Hill House and know nothing of Oliver Jackson-Cohen except what I just looked up. He looks alright. I'm sure he's amazing.

When they announced Oscar Isaac, I was skeptical because I only knew him from Star Wars as Poe, which I enjoyed very much, but I didn't know the man's range.

I've mentioned many times that I am always skeptical of any Moon Knight media until I can take it in for myself (Marvel has hurt me far too many times).

I think for the story they told, Oscar did an outstanding job and his need to do his own research and advocate for certain groups was amazing.

I am… Mildly... miffed that Marvel has put Oscar in other roles. (Don't get me wrong. I adore him as Spider-man 2099 Miguel. And he was in that role first before he was Moon Knight). What annoys me about it is that the re-use of an actor is taking away from someone else of that culture to get exposure, work, and representation.

Oscar Isaac is of mixed Latino descent and fits the Latino Miguel role nicely. He can use his accent and his Spanish! Full love!

Now, here's the problem. Was Marvel going to cast someone Jewish to play Moon Knight?

Did they cast someone Jewish to play Magneto? What about Billy Maximoff?

What about upcoming Ben Grimm? Arguably THE most Jewish Marvel character they have?

Ebon Moss-Bachrach is an American Jewish actor from New York (I am not going to get into any patrial lineal arguments). Baruch Hashem! It can be done!

They gave a Jewish role to a Jewish actor. THE most Jewish character they have (I'm not going to argue about Magneto here but I feel like Ben Grimm and Magneto are their own different sides to the same coin. ask me more about that later).

I feel like Marvel bit off a lot of attempted representation with Moon Knight and jumped in half cocked.

Grief stricken, Traumatized, PTSD former soldier, D.I.D,, Jewish, Avatar to an Egyptian Moon God, Autistic, anger management problem… I'm sure I'm missing a few…

If they gave this role to a Jewish Actor, it would have been purely by accident.

Moon Knight was SO underrated in the Marvel universe I just about had a heart attack when they said they were going to give him a live action series!

So now they had to take a VERY unknown character who has a history of being seen as "The Crazy face ripping off Egptian God Worshiping guy" and make people want to watch the show. People who probably didn't even read the comics as well as die hard comic fans.

How do you do that? You give them a well known and well liked Actor who will draw people in just to see that actor.

And it worked.

The number of people that started watching the show who had never done ANYTHING Marvel before SPIKED thanks to Oscar. It was a VERY smart play.

What I am VERY happy they didn't do? Cast some white guy.

Oscar Isaac's casting opened up the possibility of Sephardic Moon Knight. Comic Moon Knight is VERY Ashkenazi jewish Orthodox. Up until this point, there were people who had no idea that there were other types of Jews! Hispanic Jews? Whhhhaaaaat?!

I think that is an amazing conversation to have! And man I wish they had explored THAT prospect! Make my Moon Knight Sephardic! Heck yeah! See my boys getting down to Ladino music! A little Salsa in the club and a little gefilte fish veracruzana on Friday night!

So, yes... we could have had more comic accurate Moon Knight... But is it more important to get a guy that looks like the character or someone that can play the character and open new doors?

I would love to see Ladino Jake. The sass. The attitude. The swears.

But back to the original question: Moon Knight played by an actual Jewish Actor. I'd love to see it. Again, I don't know anything about Oliver, but I'm not a comic purist and don't need the characters to LOOK like the characters. As long as they can show up and make me believe they are the character, I'm happy.

Did you know they invented Marvel Ultimate because of Sam Jackson? White Nick Fury was so ingrained and popular in 616 that when Sam Jackson got the role, and was GOOD at it, they immediately went "How do we marry the comics with MCU so we can have Sam Jackson comics without going "Ignore all that white guy stuff"?!? And now we have Marvel Ultimate Universe.

I plan to watch the Haunting series someday (I started the other one but had to stop because life happened and I never got back to it), so maybe I'll be sad they didn't cast Oliver. But I'm not sure his role would have fit in with the style of what the show was trying to do. Maybe if they had put out a Moon Knight movie, it would have needed a different guy.

[lavendergalactic]

+ young sheldon !! i love talking about young sheldon pls talk about something related to it in reps i beg of thee

OHH IM SOOO GLAD YOU ASKED!! HERE IS MY BIG INFO DUMP ON SHELDON AND AUTISM:

you know i actually started watching young sheldon then i decided to watch the big bang theory while locket catches up to where im at, but now i am watching the entirety of the big bang theory first and then rewatching young sheldon to get the whole experience because watching tbbt just makes young sheldon so much more exciting

be warned, LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF YAPPING UP AHEAD LMAO (also i am only up to season 5 of the big bang and season 4 of young sheldon)

i see so much of myself into sheldon cooper 😭 we are on a very similar part of the autism spectrum (except im not a savant like he is) and yes, i'm saying sheldon cooper is autistic, at first glance you might think "but lavender, sheldon cooper is an autistic stereotype!" here is where i'm going to say "yes, but also no!"

yes sheldon is a white guy and a savant who loves trains, which is a stereotype, but let me tell you something.. autism is a spectrum and with it being a spectrum- you're going to get guys like sheldon cooper LMAO

a common harmful stereotype is "autistic people have low empathy / don't have any empathy" but the reality is that autistic people DO have empathy, it's just that they don't show it in a way allistic people will notice or understand, therefore the stereotype: you can easily apply this to sheldon, a lot of people think he has no empathy but there are many moments where he does, in the big bang theory you can see he clearly cares for his friends and amy and in young sheldon you can see he cares for his family and paige and tam etc! (take the hot beverage thing he has as an example) it's just that he doesn't show it in a way allistic people would. and i think it's really nice that they added that to sheldon cooper's writing, i think that's really incredible that they wrote him like that and didn't put that harmful stereotype on him

another harmful stereotype of autism is "autistic people can't fall in love" and all i have to say to that is:

which totally debunks that really popular stereotype, if sheldon cooper is an autism stereotype, then he's not a horrible bad representation, he still is treated like a normal human being but with special needs which is great to see especially in an early 2000s show

yes sheldon adds onto the "autism is only in white guys" stereotype, but be mindful that sheldon cooper was created in the early 2000s where there really wasn't much autism research and sheldon would have been called "aspergers" too, which is a very outdated term. and i'm saying this because back then all research was done on white little boys so there's really not much we can change about that except for make more autism rep in media with poc and women so it's not just white men :3

it would be lovely if there was really great autism rep in the early 2000s but we dont live in a perfect world 😭 autism is still new and still being researched as we speak, and only now we're getting better autism representation in media which is perfect! and i need to see more!!!!!!!

with the "but he's OCD" thing, yes i can see OCD traits in him but to me he's more autistic, and did you know OCD traits can lap over into autism a lot as well?? i actually got misdiagnosed with OCD before getting diagnosed with autism, that's how much they overlap. and that makes me self insert into sheldon even more because so many people think he's OCD when no he's just autistic with a fear of germs and a big dislike of physical touch

"what about his knocking ritual?" yes he HAS to do it to feel comfortable ("*knock, knock, knock [name]" and repeat three times) but thats his only ritual he is shown to do and it's not like he thinks anything irrational is going to happen if he doesnt do it, autistic people like routine and show repetitive behaviour (it's yet another OCD/autism trait overlap me thinks)

i see so much of my younger self in young sheldon and so much of my current self in older sheldon it's actually so crazy, his need of having a spot on the couch, being really upset when things turn out unlike he expected, being pretty blunt and not thinking things through, self inserting heavily into fictional characters etc i really do think he's autistic because he has many of my autistic traits

i really cannot believe not many people are talking about this, they just bring up the fact he "has OCD" because amy said he has a single trait of it and because he has a fear of germs

and when i try look for more people talking about sheldon with autism everyone brings up the repeating gag of when he says "my mother had me tested, and i'm not crazy" but let me tell you something about that, mary in tbbt said "but i do regret not going to that specialist" in season 5 or 4 i think idk.. which means that was probably only one test and they actually wanted to do more but mary didn't do it since i'm guessing she doesn't want her son to be "crazy" (which she would have a lot of internalized abelism ofc 😭 she's an old christian texan)

about mary cooper, i think she also has autism too actually! or at least that's the side of the family sheldon got his autism from since autism is genetic, that's why she knows so much about sheldon's needs and really connects with it and understands it. she has moments in young sheldon which makes me think "hm this is giving high masking for your whole life autism..."

this is going on for way too long im sorry hELP ... uhh i also thing raj is gay, amy is autistic too, and leonard has BPD 😋 even though you asked for young sheldon all i can really think is "sheldon with autism"

i could probably keep going if you were talking to me and this'll end up being an hour long info dump but i think i'll leave it here for now

[sunspotmangafan]

I hear the sunspot and disability representation: agency and respect.

Note I will be talking about ableism in media; if that is uncomfortable, feel free to scroll past.

So the other day I was watching your average media analysis videos on youtube and I came across this video that discussed disability representation, specifically in reference to deafness. I’ll be discussing it and such with how it relates to sunspot but I do recommend you check it out if you’d like.

There was the discussion of how in a fair amount of shows like medical dramas, when they have episodes that focus on a deaf/hard of hearing person and the decision of going with surgeries like cochlear implants that help them hear better, it seems as though the actual disabled persons opinions don’t matter because at the end of the day the kid is gonna get the ‘treatment’ to essentially ‘fix’ them in a way. If the person explicitly states they don’t want the implant, it doesn’t matter, they will ultimately get the implant because the narrative thinks it’s inherently better and will ‘help’/‘fix’ the person.

Like watching a video where they paint the parent who agrees with their disabled kid to not go with cochlear implants as a bad person/in the wrong.

Or shows going out of their way to give deaf characters surgeries like that to ‘fix’ them in a way. Such as deliberately not going to the parent that supports/listens to their disabled kid, or have the narrative change so that will make their child have the surgery that parent by the end as their arc.

It’s constantly giving “disabled people’s opinions and agency doesn’t matter because we as able bodied people know that they’re intently better if they’re more like us. Life will be inherently be better if they gonna conform to our world.”

I understand that ‘it’s better for you if you’re more like us’ mentality as an autistic person. But this so about Kohei and his journey in Limit as a hard of hearing protagonist.

In the Limit trilogy, a part of his arc is heavily considering getting a cochlear implant. The doctor goes over the pros and cons of it, and how even those who get it, they may not use it after the fact because it wasn’t for them or they experienced complications or whatnot, especially with how with many people who were deaf since birth (like ryuu), it’s not exactly gonna be always the best option. And how ultimately it is just a way to fit more into the hearing world.

And the most important thing here is this. KOHEI. GETS. TO. CHOOSE. FOR. HIMSELF!!!!

THEY LET THE DISABLED CHARACTER PONDER AND THINK FOR HIMSELF!! We don’t even get people ushering him to get one. In fact it’s mainly Ryuu who’s just like “dude you don’t need it”.

Ryuu is also great because he provides that push and extra perspective on his own terms using the language he’s most comfortable with to give himself the voice to challenge kohei’s internalised ableism.

(As Kohei said. He still looked down on those who couldn’t hear. He felt weak when he had to ask people to repeat themselves)

Also side note. IHTS really helps essentially destigmatise sign language. As the video says about the stigma around sign language. It’s nice to see people like Chiba, Ryuu and such be respected by the narrative when they talk about how they genuinely love the language. Kohei and Taichi are both endearing characters whose arcs involve learning to sign. Kohei starts to respect Chiba because he’s so good at not just signed Japanese, but actual JSL. It’s really refreshing!!

And you know what. While he did say that because he has late onset hearing loss, he was definitely drawn to the idea.

HE DECIDED NOT TO GET IT. AND THE NARRATIVE FUCKING RESPECTS HIM FOR IT!!!

They show that for Kohei, him getting better isn’t essentially a surgery to make him seem less Hard of Hearing. It’s about knowing he can be understood, and about knowing he can genuinely understand people, and that’s not inherently tied to hearing.

And they never act as though he’s made a grave decision, the narrative never acts like Kohei is in the wrong. It’s actually treating it like a happy ending, because it is, Kohei’s stopping thinking about a past where he may become completely deaf as though it’s inherently something he should try to avoid (a thing Ryuu helped him reconsider his personal feelings on which may have been shrouded in internal ableism) and start living in the present with a person that already respects, understands and cares for him, and who, at least now, he can hear as clear as day.

And we can’t help but be happy that he’s happy.

[bootstrapparadoxed]

creative works & links

AO3 - Ko-Fi - YouTube - Patreon

Novel

adult sci-fi; a queer, existentialist space adventure

Summary:

In the distant future, humans live in a utopia where even death is not the end—for everyone except Amber’s parents. At 25, she is a cynical, aloof Ph.D. in history who resents her sheltered life at home and yearns to find her place in the world. Then, an exciting job offer comes her way—the chance to uncover the mystery of a civilization that disappeared thousands of years ago. Teaming up with the archeologist Lullaby, Amber embarks on a hitchhiking quest to find the fabled Aquamarine Moon and, perhaps, some much-needed meaning in her life.

Publisher’s website | Amazon

You can get a free ebook copy in exchange for an honest review on goodreads or storygraph! Send me a direct message or ask for details.

Current WIP

"Offspring of (Un)happy Days", a dark academia horror with a M/M romance - WIPintro here, I tag posts about it as #FrankensteinWIP

Video Essays

"Science Has an Accountability Problem | Dumpster Fire Data"

Do you know how many researchers anonymously admit to fabricating data? The answer is not a number of individuals, it is a percentage. As scientists, we like to believe that we are the pinnacle of accuracy, honesty, and accountability. In reality, we are no different from any other human, just as capable of making mistakes. And it’s time to fully admit to that. Welcome to Dumpster Fire Data, a series in which I analyze the hell out of crumbling institutions.

“Representation DIY: What Headcanons Can Teach You About Autism”

On why representation of minority groups in fiction has such a powerful influence, why I prefer headcanon autistic characters over canon examples, and how headcanon discussions can improve the public dialogue and be an additional push for better diverse media.

“Night in the Woods: Cosmic Horror and Optimistic Nihilism”

An exploration of themes and narrative threads of “Night in the Woods” through the eyes of an exhausted Gen Z anarchist. On the terrifying world that young adults of today were born into and how it affected us, the two ways in which NiTW explores cosmic horror, why humans always look for stories, patterns, and meaning, and whether you can be sane and happy without meaning altogether. 

“Disability and Capitalism” 2-parter

A deep dive into the intertwined history of ableism and the capitalist economy, starting from the dawn of humanity and ending with a hopeful look into the future. Featuring a shitton of citations/research and generously sprinkled with science fiction.

“Squid Game and the Gamefication of Capitalism”

"Squid Game" is a South Korean survival drama that explores themes of class disparity and inequality with a Hunger Games-esque, thrilling plotline. Is the reality show / video game aesthetic of Squid Game just another compelling visual element, or an additional metaphor?

"Is Phylogenetics a Proper Science?"

Birds are dinosaurs, whales are cousins of cows, and fishes do not exist – these are the kind of things you learn in phylogenetics lectures as a biology undergrad. I have compartmentalized this knowledge in my head for years without giving it a second thought. Then, I fell down a rabbit whole of weird philosophy of science papers, and it broke my brain a little.

"Pokemon Evolutions Are Real... Kind Of"

More people have probably heard the word "evolution" in a pokemon game than in a high school biology class. And they aren't even actually evolving, they're going through metamorphosis. Probably. Well…

Short Stories

Short Story: "Satisfied", cyberpunk horror, in HyphenPunk Magazine Issue 7

Selected Fanfiction

One Septendecillion Brass Doorknobs: AO3 - Royalroad - Rebloggable Link

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency S3 as a full novel length (82k words) fic written in my best attempt at the style of Douglas Adams

where fire and ice collide: AO3 

30k long/novella length doctor who and good omens crossover with Tenth and Rose and all the GO characters; mostly focused on the mystery/adventure plotline but it also has tenrose and ineffable husbands tones in the mix

when it’s time: AO3

good omens 20k ineffible husbands slowburn. you know the cold open of E3? it’s 20k more of it. with mutual pining and angst and an eventual happy ending

[greghatecrimes]

I like you and i don't think you're a bad person but I feel like you don't understand Thirteen as a character, you seem to idolize the hollow caricature of her you've created that allows you to insert yourself inside. I'm telling you, you don't need to look like Olivia Wilde to talk about your passions and interests!

You don't have to attribute these things to a fictional person, you can let go of the mask and just be truly you! I promise you will find a new appreciation for Thirteen, and more importantly yourself. I wish you all the peace and love in the world, and I hope my words help you find yourself. Take care 💖

Wow, this was so enlightening for me about my insecurities and the inner workings of my psyche! Even more than five years of therapy, EMDR, and an entire psychology degree!! Anon, I’m assuming you’re the same person that sent me the ask I answered this morning. I see now that I assumed wrongly when I answered that ask under the belief that it was just genuine curiosity. The huge irony here is that I’ve grown a lot over the past five years, and lately I’ve been reflecting on how I’m in a place now where I’m perfectly happy to be who I am, to love what I love, to be unapologetically me. As a follower of my sideblog on tumblr (not even my main blog!!!) you’re only seeing a tiny portion of who I really am as a person (because I KNOW you’re not someone that knows me in real life). Having said that, it certainly takes a HELL of a lot of audacity to come into MY inbox and tell me on anon that you think you know me and my insecurities and how I think about Thirteen better than I know all of those things about myself. 

This is actually HILARIOUS to me, because I WISH the things I “hide behind a character”, as you would say, were as simple as passions and interests. When I was talking about attributing emotions to fictional characters, I didn’t mean silly things like the fact that I like video games, or being a cat person, or even deeper things like being autistic/ADHD (which I 100% admit, when I headcanon the House characters as neurodivergent, that is me projecting because I wish we had more ND representation in media. And you know what? PROJECTION IS OKAY. this is TUMBLR. I reblog fucking pony versions of my favorite characters! I write crack headcanons! Bestie, I’m just trying to de-stress on this blog. 95% of the stuff I post here is not as serious as you’re trying to make it.) Here’s the short version of my REAL “insecurities that I project into a hollow caricature of Thirteen” for you: I grew up being abused. I wasn’t allowed to express any emotions. Ever. I wasn’t allowed to have any needs. Ever. Now I have post traumatic stress disorder and my life is a mess. My life kind of sucked for the first 21 years and guess what? It still kind of sucks right now! I write and think about Thirteen processing trauma she might have faced in her life because it’s cathartic to me as someone who is healing from their own trauma, and to help myself cope with living in an actively stressful/shitty environment. (And guess what? It's a clinically approved coping mechanism. I highly doubt my therapist of five years would let me invest so much time and effort and emotion into a hollow caricature of a person that leads me to lose sight of who I really am!)

This is fanfiction and tumblr headcanons, not a published writing gig. You clearly care too much about my characterization of Thirteen aligning with yours, and unfortunately for you, I don’t. I write what I write because I want to read it. If you want to write her a certain way, no one’s stopping you! Make your own tumblr posts! Write your own damn fanfics! I’m not the authority on Thirteen and I’ve never pretended to be. If you don’t like anything about my characterization of Thirteen, then fucking move on. I’ve put way too much time and effort into giving everyone in my life the benefit of the doubt and striving to be the bigger person, to be the nicest person. And you know what? I’ve spent my entire life being ashamed of what I think and doubting everything I feel. I’ve already got five years and counting of working to undo that damage. I’m not about to let an anon on tumblr make me feel the same shame and doubt about my thoughts and writing for one of my favorite characters.

[misqnon]

sanji and pudding are cute together as completely platonic friends.. like he is a good FRIEND for her. i think she just needs someone in her life who isnt going to ridicule her for her eye and . like. fully accepts her. and that is who sanji is.

i wouldn't have an issue if it was just like. a one sided crush either. which it kind of is but i don't trust oda to have those intentions. i know its realistic to have kids crush on older people,, and i think its interesting to portray that as long as the adult isnt being creepy and weird. like u can have an adult that is accepting of the kid who's crushing on them. and the adult is also like "this is never going to happen. u should find someone your own age, that would be healthier". it is inherently pretty uncomfortable to have a kid crush on you i would assume, but they could still have a healthy relationship

i also want all the straw hats there!! i dont think i'll be satisfied if they arent all there..

THATS OK IT WAS STILL INTERESTING!!

this is so funny, i actually watched that video a while ago (passively. as in i was actually trying to sleep and also listen at the same time). but YEAH i think he is so right... the charm .. the something that zoro has. is not there. thank GOD i didnt miss the fuck...

NOT THE MAD WORLD REFERENCE

oh for sure the like 3 layers of translating is probably a big reason for the awkwardness. i (personally) think he has autistic energy outside of that one interview (i think i was kinda unclear which is why i am . bringing it back up) but . ofc. i am not going to diagnose a man I dont know anything about LOL

no shame in this household!!!! there is already plenty to go around

VERY ASEXUAL FRIENDS SEEING UR HORNY POSTING.... SOUNDS LIKE A NIGHTMARE. my very asexual friend does not use social media thank god. i .. i could never let her see me like this ... for her own sake..

u also forgor ur gender for a bit thats so funny..

im very thankful there are at least a FEW nsfw questions about men in the sbs... equality!! but we must strive for equity.. sexualize the men 3x more /hj

i have a friend who knows a bit of japanese but i always feel so bad relying on ppl who know other languages LOL. like.. im sorry ... our friendship means so much more to me than ur job as my translator sometimes... but i think the foreign fans use a translator app, bc im pretty sure oda has said the wording is wonky because of the translator

ive seen a bit of trixie and katya!! im at least familiar with who they are. at my highschool (that i went to for only the last two years i was in school) we had some drag queens come to school for a show.. it was interesting. i had never seen drag in person. and then we also had a drag show with students which wasnt as involved

"for legal reasons (haha get it)" LOL

perfect representation of a sanji courtroom. since u are sanji magistrate ur word is law. literally.

oda can have credit .. as a treat.

it IS compelling tbh but it's. as u kinda said. its mostly just mentioned briefly and then not brought back up. i do NOT want to see it come to fruition.... if they killed each other.... me next

"I WOULD LIKE CROSS GUILD AS A POLY SHIP MORE IF IT DIDNT FEEL MEAN WITH HOW OFTEN THEY BEAT UP ON BUGGY AND ALSO BC I THINK BUGGY BELONGS WITH MR. RED HAIR." YEAH EXACTLY!!!!! i too love a one sided ship. shuggy angst is literally so good.. wait til u catch up theres a . theres a moment. theres a shuggy moment that is SO angsty. they have so many problems they should just kiss and that would solve everything!

"OH NO BRO….HANNYAGELLAN…ITS HAPPENING…"

i also heard abt the falling down the stairs meaning suicide thing, but i only heard abt it super recently. ur right she wouldnt have done that!! she was finally feeling like. things were looking up . because of zoro!! he helped her feel better!! n then she died. i agree that he probably sees a promise as an ironclad thing. he would literally die for a promise he made. he definitely isnt stupid either, and is generally pretty untrusting of new people

SHARING FANFIC U WROTE???? :D

"Dreams. Ambitions. Drive. Do what that day stole from Kuina. Defeat Dracule Mihawk. Become the world’s greatest swordsman- for both of them." i love this part

"This isn’t a good sign for his current navigational endeavors." HE GOT LOST..... that made me laugh

"Kuina. He doesn’t think of her as often as some might think. He doesn’t dwell on the past, only reflects on it." accurate for zoro!!!!

i feel sad for him :( he sounds a bit. regretful? is that a word.. thnk u for sharing i lov .. i love .. when ppl share their art with me.. thank u..

"but do i ever actually make those things….no. i do not" psh... typical..... /lh

oh boy im so excited to take ibuprofen with u!!!!

"its just. SO COOL!!!! TO SEE PEOPLE ACT WITH SUCH PASSION AND PORTRAY EPIC STORIES..RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! LIVE!!" YOU GET IT!!!! YOU GET IT!!!!! NO ONE EVER GETS IT ... U GET IT!!!

yes u got me i like sanji now 😔😔😔😔😔 congrats on converting me😮‍💨 /lh. ill send u another 4kids sanji video to get back at u for this *shakes my fist in rage*

i love seonghwa!!! (obviously!!! since im ot8 !!!)

THE LAW PUN... I DINDT NOTICE AT FIRST .... im so glad u have the hawaiian shirt comic saved. i have multiple pictures of him saved and i refuse to delete them despite my phone storage being rly low.. and im not doing anything with them. im just attached.

look at how much i talk about him... im normal . its only been a month and a half since i restarted one piece and i hadnt talked abt him at all before that.. im normal.

ok my law thought s are.. well the most recent thought . was actually. uh.

yeah this was a normal thought. for sure.

this was the thought that led to that .

i just think u could have a lotta fun with his powers. outside of making abstract art. i want to know what its like to be law . in body. he is tall. and like. i would be able to teleport himself and other things.. which is a big thing when u can't get enough energy to get out of bed. and i have food allergies so i could eat whatever i want.. and i wouldnt have periods... i would automatically be stronger bc he has muscles. yeah.. i wish i could experience all that.

and that is all for now bc i think those r ...intense.. thoughts... to have... or maybe they arent, i dont really have an understanding of what is normal

"i wonder if it relates to his backstory and the possible trans-ness of it?" i was kinda thinking this too.. or like maybe it had something to do with his childhood or something. idk. croc backstory when!!

"he’s after freedom and what use is it if u destory the freedom of others while searching for it for yourself?" YEAH!!! U WORDED IT WELL,,

"HIS 4DUB VOICE PAINS ME PHYSICALLY" *sends another video* (i am actually going to do this but i was planning to anyways so dont feel pressured to watch it or respond LOL)

"i have a playlist where i put my fav one piece shits."

D:!!

crying, sobbing at the fact u know abt nika

ok honestly if it was just a bug collection... that would be so cute ... the one piece was the bugs we met along the way

"so i think it might be related to…joyboy/nika/ the SUN…i think maybe its like a. a hat maybe. thats my guess. sun hat. from the original joy boy. its not a good guess but its all i HAVe"

take this how u will

bartolomeo... maybe he is called the cannibal bc he has big teeth... or maybe its his name from when he was beating ppl up all the time as a .. gang leader? or whatever he was? maybe he "cannibalized" other groups??

end of the e-letter is for memes now

very very true. when she was sobbing after i left i actually felt so so bad for her ;-; like someone PLEASE get her out of there!! god SAME FOR REIJU. sanji got to escape but reiju and pudding are both stuck with their respective shit abusive families…it sucks. i hope we get to see both of them doing better by the end of the series!!

“i wouldn't have an issue if it was just like. a one sided crush either. which it kind of is but i don't trust oda to have those intentions.” YEA I MADE A POST ABOUT THIS (i think i accidentally queued it) BUT. YEA I DOUBT HE DOES 🙃 looks at shirahoshi. looks at rebecca

ITS A MAAAAAD WOROORORRLDLDL

also nodding my head no problem i got what u meant about inaki

UR RIGHT NO SHAME….PUTS MY YAOI PROUDLY ON THE FRIDGE

i still need to finish the opla video. i watch it while i eat lmao

OKAY HE HASNT MENTIONED IT SO I HOPE HE JUST DIDNT SEE IT OR. WILL NEVER BRING IT UP. its funny u say that tho bc my OTHER ace friend very supportively read this vampire zosan fic i wrote and they’re in their own words like violently ace and also sex repulsed and i WARNED THEM that there was a sex scene in that chapter i WROTE A CHAPTER NOTE AT THE BEGINNING WARNING SO and they STILL accidentally read it and texted me SO CONFUSED AND THEN EMBARASSED THEY WERE LIKE “its hot in the room?? wait i dont get it?? 🤨 - WAIT. OH NO-” funniest shit ive ever seen in my life. literally “hey. be careful dont look at that.” “huh? [staring blindly at sun]

actually every nsfw sbs question asked about the men was me. it was all me. next i will be asking the size of katakur- [gunshots]

KJSBDKJ I HAVE TWO FRIENDS THAT SPEAK FRENCH (ONE A NATIVE SPEAKER AND ONE WHO MAJORED IN IT AND NOW LIVES IN FRANCE. WITH THE OTHER FRENCH FRIEND) and when writing scenes where sanji spoke french i was too embarrassed to ask either of them for help but they bullied me into letting them help 😭😭😭 so i feel u so hard 😭😭😭

and ur right, i actually just read a chapter where someone did that from vietnam i believe (they used a machine translator)

i love drag sm!! u made me remember how much i liked it and i watched some more drag clips yesterday lmao. 

okay in terms of the death pact thing i feel like oda drops those things and always comes back to them…i DONT WANT THEM TO FIGHT EITHER BUT ALSO I SOOOO DO. kinda like how reading whole cake island ws painful for me but also i loved it. but i will need to wait a bit before reading it again. i dont think theyre gonna kill each other tho. i think itll be a moment that brings them to a better understanding of each other/their relationship. i dont mean that in a zosan way just literally in canon as crewmates. and i think it will be JUICY bc those bitches have been bickering for over 20 years…and then finally theres a big ultimate final zoro vs sanji battle like dudebros always clamor about. i want to see a setup where they’re forced to face the fact that they dont get along but still care for each other but also what to do when faced with a choice like that against someone you hate but also care for. and what zoro will do. bc i genuinely have a feeling zoro will fight him to the fucking end but not kill him when it comes down to it. even though zoro keeps promises like they’re oaths…so. i think it may be an outside element that stops the Murder from occuring. zoro may or may not actually attempt it KDSNC. its so fun to think about to me. im so ready 

shuggy moment? 👁️i know oda would not make any gay ship canon (probably most ships tbh) but why does shuggy feel like one of the most likely to me. in a weird way. KADJNFVDK. you know how in the og visual novel for clannad the “bad end” was a gay ending with your male best friend. that is canon shuggy to me. oda doing it kinda halfheartedly in a roundabout way for laughs but the fandom is popping bottles (we popping the BIGGEST bottles when shuggy happens tomorrow-)

on zoro and promises and etc etc…do u think zoro will get more development of him as a character by the end of the story? zoro is a character that’s beautiful in his simplicity but sometimes i want to know him more you know?? he’s kinda mysterious in a closed off way even tho we know what he’s about and. i wanna know more abt him. put him in more fucked up situations. i wanna see zoro suffer in a way that isnt just a tough battle.

im glad u liked it !! :D thank u!!

HAHAHAHA SANJI CONVERT !!! LET’S SEXUALIZE THAT BLONDE MAN ‼️(priorities 🫡) (the 4kids sanji video will get back at me. it will. i will suffer but i will do it.)

i have so many random op images saved in my phone…not to mention my laptop’s screenshot folder…WAIT THAT REMINDS ME JFDBVSJD i have an internship at an art gallery and i need a laptop for the job so i use my own but its my personal laptop.. and once i had to test a powerpoint but i dont have word so i had to use my personal google slides account and WHILE CONNECTED to a GIANT PROJECTOR…THIS briefly flashed on the screen before i frantically clicked away. no one saw but i. i did. (for reference this was for pwp night. and i have still nbot finished it)

i dont talk about sanji in my friend discord server bc None Of Them Watch One Piece but in my dms with my other op friend…let’s look.

on god

this is from both of us together. BUT STILL

(nodding) no go on what animal parts

law’s powers are SO fun. i wish he switched ppls bodies more often!! its such a fun trope its such a guilty pleasure for me!! also room is just. such a cool ability. i love teleportation characters (thinks about nightcrawler from xmen…my blue king). also THAT LAW COMIC I MENTIONED U IN THE TAGS. JHFVBDKAS THE FOURTH PANEL WHERE ITS JSUT THE SEA CREATURES AND HIS DEAD FACE DOING THE ROOM POSE GETS ME EVERY DAMN TIME

is law tall?? i guess he just seems short in comparison to like. doffy. (looks it up) DAMN THIS BITCH IS 6’3??? 

also funny law story i just remembered. sometimes i sell my art at gay art markets. and one time. at a halloween themed one. there was . this random law cosplayer. which yea its halloween thats a costume but for future reference i want to be clear this was like the only anime cosplay. everyone else was like cartoons or monsters or fairies or cats or some shit. well the law cosplayer is set up right across from me and i had JUST started my one piece hyperfixation so i was Extra Crazy abt it and i was literally flipping out so nervous but excited so i dragged myself over and was like “omg…hi…i love ur law cosplay….i just got into op and i havent met him yet but i see him everywhere…” and they were super nice!! but then. later. i go visit my friend’s booth. and . the ONLY other anime cosplay at the entire event…WAS A SECOND TRAFALGAR LAW. STANDING AT MY FRIEND’S BOOTH. I WAS LIKE ??? anyway i pointed them towards each other after fangirling for a hot moment and they took a pic together. it was very fun

ur thoughts are not intense or strange…well maybe they are strange to others but i am also insane. i promise. i love ur insane thoughts pls continue to share. i will do the same someday when i am less shy and ashamed of my unhinged fandom thoughts (such as making zoro amvs to abba in my head on the way to therapy. <- things that should be in the dsm-5 as a criteria. ps. thats a line my therapist actually said in response to something i did once. lmao)

did u notice that in the opla…they have all the characters who were at rogers execution there as their younger selves (mihawk, shanks,etc) AND THERE’S A AFAB PERSON WHO’S DRESSED SUSPIOCIOUSLY LIKE CROCODILE…I WAS LIKE OH SHIT)

i am going to watch the next 4kidd dub video. i will do it for you. (losing years off my life each time)

WOOPS THE PLAYLIST WAS PRIVATE try it now. if you watch any one video from that list. and this one is short. please make it this one. I LOSE MY SHIT EVERY TIME

OH ALSO. APPARENTLY AT COACHELLA. THAT MIKU PERFORMANCE WAS *ALSO* A TV SCREEN. ISNT THAT SAD. PATHETIC!!

lmao. i was talking to my caught up friend about op spoilers today and he wouldnt confirm or deny so many things i said. lmao. rofl, even

“take this how u will” IM SCARED

end of the e letter IS for memes now you’re so correct

p.s…i know discord is a Le PooPooHead esp recently BUT if you want to add me my username is the same as it is here!! feel free but no pressure

[autisticgirliesbracket]

HIIII hey I'd like you all to meet Zoey, she's got some words she'd like to say to you all, Take it away Zoey!! (sorry if this is cringe inducing-)

HI EVERYONE! I'M ZOEY! I'm ThatToastyGecko's autistic *cough* also their self-insert *cough* ahem, I'm their autistic girl OC. I wasn't allowed to participate in this bracket since I'm an OC, but I wanted to come by to wish my fellow autistic girls good luck!! I was sad seeing Webby lose so soon but I'm happy she's here at all! I'm really rooting for Dendy, Marcy Wu, Kate, Mabel & oh heck, everyone honestly! No matter who wins, this bracket existing is itself the real win! :D Representation is so so soooo soooooo important you guys! I'm so happy to see so much love for all us autistic gals & heck, autism as a whole getting more support has been a nice change in the world for once. Anyways I better get back to my own blog for my webcomic thingy, I got to be there since I'm the main character and all. I'll swing by again if I have the chance, happy to meet you all!!

AND GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE, AUTISTICS TOGETHER STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HI ZOEY!!!! THANK U FOR COMING TO GIVE THIS TALK

I agree that it's so so awesome there's been an increase in positivity towards autistic people in recent years (at least on tumblr!) and how that positivity has led to representation from independent creators and mainstream media alike! being able to recognise autistic traits in a character and go "they just like me fr!!" it's such a special experience to me and makes me more confident talking about my needs and experiences as an autistic woman. a big shout out to all the previously high-masking folks who have gained the confidence to start unmasking. and an ever BIGGER shout out to the girlies who got diagnosed later in life because universal autism acceptance is still catching up <3 but I know we will get there.

also Zoey plz come visit again when I hold a neurodivergent ocs bracket at some point in the future.

[microsuedemouse]

that whole thing about people making characters in fanfiction talk and think in modern social justice terminology or identify with hyperspecific microlabels or whatever... ties in a lot with many other issues we see in discourse around fiction, in general

the relationship to 'all my media must be Morally Pure' is pretty obvious, imo - making all of our characters talk as if they are fully versed in real-world 21st century intersectional politics, and also have had eight years of deep-reaching and successful therapy

but also, there's a strong connection with the notion of how like... so many people want all of their representation - especially queer and neurodivergent rep, from what I've seen - to be not only present but also *very explicitly stated and described.* which, to a certain degree, I understand, but also... it's just not realistic, nor is it necessarily even the best way to go

lots of people get through life quite happily without the specific language to describe their experience of the world - perhaps even without the full knowledge that their experience Can be described specifically. lots of people don't feel the need to apply labels to everything, or perhaps never find labels that feel entirely accurate or useful. you will see me self-describe with as 'ace, bi, and non-binary' - but I very genuinely do not feel any need to label the ways in which I am queer. I use these as shorthand to let others know roughly where I'm at, and to relate to other people and their experiences... but I don't need them. all three are, at best, vague indicators of where I fall with regards to gender and attraction. many folks will use different words because they're coming from another time, another place, another language. many people will never learn there are words that might fit them. many people won't really care.

in both fic and original work, over the years, I've written tons of characters who are ace, or bi, or autistic, or ADHD, or chronically ill, or mixed-race, or etc. etc., but never use any especially specific terms to refer to those experiences. a lot of them don't even spend that much time thinking about it. in fact, with many of them, it's at most only implied in-fiction - gestured at, alluded to, but never expressly described. frequently it's at least in part because the story just isn't really about that. but also, it's because finding that language isn't a priority for them, or else that they exist in a setting where it wouldn't make sense for them even to stumble across it. (it is, believe it or not, a very Online thing to be as obsessed with labels and language as many of us are in fandom spaces like tumblr and AO3. I'm not saying no one outside these circles cares about labels and stuff, but a LOT of people don't care that much, either.) on top of that, especially when you're talking about original work... leaving things up to interpretation allows your audience to fill things in themselves. I want to build in the space for headcanons. I want my readers to be able to see what they'd like to see. to me personally, the character that tons of audience members can see themselves in, all in different ways, is often better representation than a character who is Very Specifically One Thing. not always! but often.

this is pretty much just a stream of consciousness rn, and I'm definitely not covering all my bases, but it's just... something I find myself reflecting on in fandom lately. you can write a character to match all your headcanons and experience all the feelings you want them to experience without needing them to say all the applicable words.

[small-body-of-water]

Poetry, arcane, candlelight <333

poetry - honestly i'm not really sure what i'm doing with my life (well is anyone really?) but i'm thinking something psychology related as that's what i want to study at uni. idk, maybe i'll end up being a therapist or something haha. and i'm not very far along the journey as i'm still right in the middle of my gcses (save me), but i know i'm taking psychology for a level at least.

arcane - i have a tendency to project onto characters in media haha. i've been watching a tv series called the good doctor about a doctor with autism and i really like it so far. it's not a perfect portrayal of autism (because not everyone with autism has the same experience) but it's nice to see a character i can relate to on tv (as i also have autism :) ). it's a lot better representation than a lot of other autistically coded characters on tv (sheldon cooper - why did they have to make him so misogynistic?? -_-)

also charlie spring. he reminds me of both myself and a couple of my friends (they need hugs)

candlelight - i'm not sure if i could choose a favourite book honestly - i go though a lot of phases of being obsessed with different book series. i used to read a lotttt as a child, but then i got a phone and my attention span vanished :(, and i don't have time to read much anymore because i procrastinate hw.

i love percy jackson and all of rick riordan's books because of the lgbt representation - they helped me figure a few things out about myself :). also mythology is cool. i plan to reread all the series after exams when i have the time. my school is doing percy jackson the musical next year as a school production and i'll probably end up doing technical theatre for it :D.

i also had a massive his dark materials faze when i was younger. it lowkey became a personality trait. we got to study it in school though which was pretty cool.

[abrthephantomq]

All of this. ALL of this.

As a System, this is how it works (or has worked, in the past, when we didn't have the knowledge that we were a System). There's one version of you who deals with this particular thing. Another who does the day to day. A third who deals with a completely, separate thing, etc. And at first you don't know about it, because to be a System is to want to Avoid Detection.

So you learn to blend in. Assess your surroundings. I wasn't here before but now I am and what happened in between, what time is it, who am I? They called me Alex, so I must be Alex, etc.

And you do that as a kid. One of you is "chosen" to be present during some horrific, repeated event so that no one else in your System - even if it's just you and a twin version of you - will know. The brain does this as a natural defense mechanism. It's an innate thing. It's a means of protection. Of ensuring human survival.

Everyone experiences dissociation. Everyone has parts, if you follow the theory of Structural Dissociation. We start out as Multiple Parts and somewhere along our Developmental Timeline, typically around the ages of like, 7-9, those parts merge and share an Identity and Name and they're All You and none of them are Separate.

Except for those of us who get smacked repeatedly with the trauma button - to their body's definition of trauma, to their mind's definition of trauma, as defined by their genetics bc trauma is carried through our genetics lines, too - as children, those parts, become Parts; they become Identities. They gain names. Separate from your own.

The thing that horrifies me about Severance is not that it's a concept at all. It's that Severance essentially happens to children as a SURVIVAL MECHANISM to children. That it's an innate, biological process that happens because the brain is still a part of our body.

I could go into how Neurodivergent kids (as in ADHD or autistic) are also more likely to develop DID - and likely also have more time before the supposed Merging and Shared Identity solidifies. So there's a longer window for the right amount of trauma to happen. But honestly that's not the point.

The point is that Severance is by far the best representation of what dissociation is like, as an adult, when you're aware you have DID but not of what you don't know. Because you don't know what your brain willingly files away into subsections of its memory centers that you aren't allowed access to.

That's all the chip does. Or at least, that's how I've taken to interpreting the chip. It's an intentionally built barrier. A human made one that mimics the brain of a child exposed to a severe enough and consistent enough level of trauma.

The thing is, IRL Systems don't need medical intervention to undo the barrier and permeate it. IRL Systems learn to share information across parts and barriers without even acknowledging each other in the process, if they don't have to. Integration of knowledge happens as needed, dictated by whatever internal sets of rules created by the brain prior to you gaining full awareness you're even a System in the first place.

But even the process of re-integration is fucking. Spot on. I hate this show. I love it so much. I have never experienced a piece of media that encapsulates so much of our personal, shared experience as a System who's now well into their 30s. We've spent the better part of 5 years going through this process that Mark is SPEED RUNNING in S2 - but we also are a much larger system (of 30, with intention of fusing down to 22) than just Mark's known system of 2.

It really is incredible to experience seeing how others who also love this show respond to it. How they poke at it and ask questions and make statements like the above. How they consider the ethical implications of shit. How they point out that Helena's cruelty in, "I am a person, you are not," is still a shock to so, so many viewers. Because the innate human response would be to acknowledge your Innie's humanity - they may not be you, but they are you. A version of you. A you without the baggage you already carry - a version of you that, as a by product of their existence, will end up carrying their own.

To say that I find this show incredibly healing and cathartic even when we get episode's like last night's (i'm so MAD at last night's episode but as a writer I understand WHY last night's episode was the way it was - but that's neither here nor there) would be an understatement. But it's also so fucking triggering at times - but honestly? That just means the writers are nailing it. The actors are nailing it.

I've missed experiencing media in this way. So, so much.

and obviously you find yourself thinking oh i do wish i could get severed to do this one thing. would you actually maybe not. but you do wish you didn't have to undergo medical procedures you do wish you didn't have to do the things that give you anxiety you do wish you didn't have to do tedious tasks that barely even require you to be present for them. it's tempting. that's why the premise works. but the premise is also that somebody has to do it. somebody has to go to the dentist and somebody has to get on that plane and somebody has to write those thank you notes. just like somebody has to clean the house and somebody has to harvest the food you eat and somebody has to make the clothes you wear. you can't eliminate inconvenience you can only delegate it. you can't eliminate suffering you can only delegate it. and always the easiest way to live with this is to see that somebody as less than. less than you less than people. and if that somebody has to wear your body to do it well maybe it's not all that different. they're not a person. you are. it's capitalism all the way down baby