#Was sitting around in the lunch break and 90% of people around had dyed hair

[drawbudd]

so I'm applying for this art academy and I went to the intake day yesterday (I got invited after handing in some work!) And it was honest to god such a nice experience the vibe is so different?? Everyone's so nice and chill

[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area - Chapter Fifteen (Part Three)

Previous chapter here

Warnings: language, some suggestive sexuality, and some good old angst

Tags: @jennmurawski13 @kelbabyblue Thanks for the support!

Notes: Hope you enjoy this, and apologies for my poor spelling and grammar.

Chapter Fifteen: Part Three

She woke up earlier than him.

It was half six when she stepped into the shower having given up on her sleep. It had been a hot, rather uncomfortable night and the aircon barely broke a chill through the suite.

It was taking some getting used to, this sharing a bed, especially with someone who insisted on snuggling into the back of her. Sarah wasn’t much of a cuddler and Chris knew this. She would much rather wrap herself up in blankets and drift off to sleep but it didn’t stop him from slowly inching his body towards her throughout the night. It was a case of putting up with it for fear of falling off the end and breaking something.

She barely moved under the shower head except to allow the water to rain down on her skin and hopefully liven her up for the day. She was anxious, more anxious than she anticipated she would be. She was always able to keep her cool under test conditions, probably why she became a nurse in the first place, but something about this particular exam was hitting differently and she wasn’t sure why.

She eventually got dressed and went back into the bedroom to sort her hair. He would be annoyed she’d woken up before him now that he had decided he was single-handedly responsible for all her breakfast needs that week. Admittedly, though, it felt nice being looked after in this way. Really, really nice. It was like having her own PA.

He was sleeping flat on his stomach, one leg poking out from underneath the covers. He had wrapped his arms around a pillow and his low snore was rumbling through the warm air in the room. It was confusing how anyone could find that position comfortable and not wake up having lost all feeling down one side of his body. His back muscles were relaxed but still resembled something Michelangelo could only dream of painting. He was, in all honesty, a ridiculous specimen of a man. A man that told her he wanted her to get some good rest and sleep as much as possible. Who had closed her textbooks, ran her a hot bath, and climbed in behind her to massage her shoulders. Potential lingered in the air last night but he was going to stick to his word and not get in the way of her work. He told her he was glad he was with her and happily settled for stroking her hair as she fell asleep. Her head was lying on his chest but when she felt his heartbeat settle and his arms loosen around her, she softly rolled away from him like he knew she inevitably would.

At various times, they found themselves getting into a very comfortable and, dare she say it, enjoyable routine. It was surprisingly easy to do so when the door was locked. He had used the hotel gym to give her some peace for a few hours each morning. He had kept her fed and hydrated when she would have most likely forgotten both having had her nose stuck in her books for hours on end. He had watched daytime television in the bedroom and failed to hide his tears when a charity had rebuilt an elderly man’s home following a flood. When she asked, he had helped to test her using the notes she’d prepped for the exam. He read scripts as soon as they had landed in his inbox. His team was politely shocked at his new-found efficiency.

When they weren’t fooling around on the sofa in the evenings, she had taken a break to read over some lines with him. While at first he was very kind and promising with his notes, especially with some kissing scenes he’d invented, they both knew she was definitely not suited for a life in front of the camera.

“Don’t overthink it too much. Just go with your instincts.” he encouraged her to continue reading with him for fun but she had given up when he had fallen into a fit of laughter as she attempted to arrest him.

“Yeh, no, my brain doesn’t really work like that.” she responded, holding up her hands in defeat.

“Please? I’m sorry, I promise I won’t laugh.” he pleaded. “Again.”

It was easy to get used to having him around but she finally realised how and why women fell for him hard. There was something very childlike about him, something innocent even if he was anything but when they dimmed the lights. He was gentler and quieter than she knew him to be, less sure of himself at times than perhaps the impression he wilfully gave away to the public. She heard the criticisms he levelled at himself when reading his lines out loud and saw first-hand the pressure he placed upon himself where his career was concerned. But for every committed step them took forwards as they learned more about each other, even after all these years, something started to pull her back.

“Hey...”

She was broken from her contemplation by his groggy drawl. He turned on to his side and laid his hand in the space she had previously occupied. One eye had yet to open and his hair was pointing in all different directions.

“It’s far too early to get up, y’know.” He stretched his arm out to connect with her leg curled up underneath her as she looked back at him. “Oh shit. I forgot. Is it really this morning already?”

She stayed looking at him from where she was sat before nodding. “I should only be a couple of hours but I’ll swing by that bakery down the street and pick us up something nice for lunch. They do those almond croissants you like.”

He sighed, taking her in and smiling. She’d tied her hair in a side plait and was wearing a slightly fluffy striped sweater that he wanted to run his hands over. “Yeh, that sounds really nice, Bernette.” He didn’t miss a beat. “I could meet you afterwards? We could go for a walk through the Park?”

“I might just want to come home and cry.”

“Hey now, you’re gonna ace this test. I can feel it.” He was fully awake now, purposeful in his movements towards her to help put her mind at ease. “if I was your patient, I would be ecstatic to have you working on me.”

She chuckled to herself. He was always so confident expressing himself. She was jealous of that. She wished she could be as confident and as sure of herself, like the rest of the family were. It was one thing in her that stood out in stark contrast.

“What have you eaten? I didn’t hear any room service.” He probed, a serious look now glazing over his features.

“Oh it’s fine, I’ll grab something on the way. I’m not all that hungry to tell you the truth.” She tried to brush off his protests but it only served to make him more concerned.

“You’ve got time yet, let me order something up.” He made for the phone but was stopped as she got up from the bed. “You need to eat something, Sarah. You’re gonna be sat there for hours. I don’t want you passing out.”

“Alright, thank you, Dad!” she laughed. “It’s fine! This is not my first exam. I know what it’s like and I promise you I will get something from Starbucks on somewhere else on the way.”

“You’re going now?!”

“Yeh, I could do with a walk to clear my hear. I always found that helpful when back in school.” She was talking from the lounge as she tried to locate her boots. Something else Shanna had chucked into her suitcase without her realising, but she wasn’t as annoyed with this one.

“Give me ten minutes and I’ll come with you.”

She re-entered the bedroom to find him rifling through his bag for new clothes. “Why?”

“Because I wanna support my girlfriend! Jesus!” He was sharper than he had intended but carried on with his search for fresh boxers, throwing out some old stuff in haste like he was searching for long lost buried treasure.

She just looked at him. He’d never used that word before. They’d never talked about it. He acknowledged her silence and stopped to look at her, jeans in hand. He saw her awkward stance and instantly felt like shit. This was not the morning to lay this on her. He knew the very next words out of his mouth would determine how they moved forward.

He paused before chucking his jeans on the chair in front of him. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” she responded but she wasn’t sure it was.

“If you wanna head off, that’s totally cool. I’ll be here if you need me. Just text me when you’re done, yeh?”

She nodded at him, offered him as reassuring a smile as she could manage before leaving the bedroom to gather her things. He didn’t follow her; she heard the bed creak slightly so he must have chosen to stay put instead. It was probably for the best. She didn’t want the image of his pitiful face to be her last memory before sitting in silence for 90 minutes, trying in vain to concentrate as hard as she could.

*

The test went about as well as expected, if what she had expected was to doubt her basic entry-level abilities. She was one of seven that morning, six if you discount the gentleman that walked out fifteen minutes after he sat down.

It was multiple choice. It really shouldn’t have been that difficult. The answer was hiding in plain sight after all. She was reminded of something her tutor once told her and her graduating class before they left the relative comfort of their college:

“There will always be someone who knows more than we do.”

He didn’t mean it in a disparaging way - at least she didn’t think he did - but more that you go from being one of the best in your class to being surrounded by people who are equally as bright and as intuitive as you may be, and who will all have had different experiences. He wanted to say that sometimes, there is no one right answer. It was more than passing a test and qualifying; you have to adapt. You had to soak everything up like a sponge or else you risk becoming redundant in the very profession you devoted your life to. No wonder Medicine had the highest quit ratio. Boy, had she been naive.

Shanna 11.41am: OK OK I kno ur probably still super busy bt i’m dying to kno how it went?? Txt me when you get a sec babe xxxxx

She smiled down at her phone before typing a series of vomiting emojis. That should just about sum up her feelings. Scanning her phone again, she found a couple of messages from Audrey but none from Chris. She was surprised but would be lying if she didn’t admit to being relieved.

She meandered down the street towards the subway, thoughts swaying between reliving stupid mistakes she had convinced herself she had made, to what kind of mood Chris might be in. She texted him that she was finished and heading back like she promised she would, then the train was bang on time so she didn’t even have the luxury of blaming delays. Her legs weighed like lead as she approached the suite doorway, her lack of sleep the night before finally catching up with her.

Everything was deathly quiet when she entered. She paused after shutting the door behind her but still couldn’t hear anything. Certainly no trace of another person being present. Confused, she walked into the bedroom and found a note left on the comforter. He’d gone to the gym and told her to message him when she got back. This might give her the excuse she’d been seeking to grab five minutes alone.

She flopped on to the bed and turned to the side to catch the pile of notes and textbooks he’d shoved there the night before. So much promise contained in those few pages. So much knowledge that it felt like she had no business attempting to absorb it for her own personal gain. Many highly accomplished physicians and scientists had bound their entire lives to the duty of finding answers to the human body’s potential for extreme trauma. What exactly would a young, angst-ridden girl from Michigan bring to the table?

The door went a few moments later and she realised she had closed her eyes. She was lying on her back with her legs hanging off the end of the bed as he walked in, slightly sweaty but nevertheless a sight for sore eyes. Seeing him in this state was the nicest thing that had happened to her all day and she regretted their tense conversation earlier.

“Dude...” he muttered as he dropped his towel on the chair by the door and joined her on the bed. He flopped down alongside her with a heavy sigh.

“Good workout?” she finally offered.

“Yeh, all good. Nothing too strenuous.” He replied like it was the most normal conversation in the world. “Good exam?”

“Oh yeh, same.” she replied just as casual as him before they both fell into a fit of giggles.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked after they had both calmed down.

She took a deep breath. “Not really.”

“You want me to guess?”

“Chris...”

“What?” his voice was a little whinier than he would have liked at this particular time. “I know you. You’re writing yourself off before you know what’s happened.”

“Who said I was writing myself off?” She pushed back. “It’s normal to feel like this. It’s just...nerves or whatever.”

“Yeh, well, there’s no point worrying about something twice.”

She didn’t want to talk about this right now. She was silently hoping he would make a move on her after refraining from touching her the night before when she was definitely in the mood for him. “It’s just...it’s hard to explain.” She got up from the bed and shuffled into the bathroom to remove what little make-up she had put on that morning.

“Try and tell me about it. What was it like? How many questions were there? How many people turned up?”

She threw the face wipe in the bin and ran the tap water to wash her hands. She knew he wasn’t going to budge from his trajectory. She knew he wasn’t going to stop picking at her to talk about it. She leaned her hands on the marble top and took a deep breath.

“It was harder than I imagined it would be. I think I just froze. Like, basic stuff I do day in and day out just wasn’t coming to me.”

“If doing auditions has taught me anything it’s that you always think you’ve done worse than you have. It’s just natural. The brain works in strange ways sometimes. It can trick you.” he reasoned, finally moving into the bathroom but not daring to reach out to her. He settled for backing up against the wall inside the doorway.

“I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be a good result, thought.”

“You don’t know that for sure.” He spoke softly, comfortingly. “You’re so smart and so capable of doing this. You just gotta believe in yourself.”

She nodded in acceptable of what he was trying to say and looked at him face-on. His brow was defined with those worry lines again which made feel a little crap, but he still had a boyish shine about him, no doubt because of the glow from his workout. She would have been a heaving red mess.

“What are you thnking about?” he asked.

She continued studying him, trying to arrange her thoughts. “Is this all there is to life?” she asked after another moment had passed. “You find something you like to do and that’s it, you just coast for 40 years?”

He contemplated her question for a second. “Yeh. Pretty much.”

Sarah huffed out a laugh, not fully appreciating his brutal honest at this moment in time.

“But not everyone is lucky to even get that far.” He moved into the bathroom to stand closer to her. “People can go years with no real clue of what it is they wanna do. You’re one of the lucky ones, Sarah. You figured it out when you were young, you did what you had to do and now you’re doing it for real. That’s less common that you think.”

It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate what he was trying to do, it’s just that often she had multiple anxieties convincing her of the opposite. It’s easy for him to say this, he’s already at the top of his game. He doesn’t have to other with the real world if he doesn’t want to. Most people don’t have the financial luxury of stopping to retrain as something different and Chris had always alluded to quitting acting while he was still young in order to take up something else, like carpentry or simply staying behind the scenes. He always figured he would stop when he had his first child but the reality for everyone else couldn’t afford them that same privilege.

“You are where you’re supposed to be.” He continued. “I don’t believe there is anyone better qualified at what it is they do than you. I believe that and I believe that you know that, too, deep down. You just gotta find the other stuff that keeps you happy in the meantime. Whatever it is that keeps you going.”

“What makes you happy?”

He smiled at her. “Well...what you see if what you get. Family, football, beer. Not necessarily in that order.” He was glad she was smiling again. “Spending time with the people I love. Recognising that I love them and that they love me back and that that love is wonderful.”

“You’re so lucky you don’t second guess yourself all the time.”

“Oh, believe me, I do.” he impressed. “It’s just that I learned some things a few years ago that helped me now. Like taking a deep breath and letting it wash over you. It’s natural to feel doubt but it’s what happens afterwards that really matters. It’s how we choose to perceive the things that happen to us, and how we move forward.”

“Anything has gotta be easier than feeling like this.”

“It’s not always a good thing. Sometimes you have to wait for other people to catch up.” He leaned onto the counter next to her, the mirror in front of them spotlighting them both and making them both appear a little pathetic in their current gait.

“I should start packing.” She whispered after a few more silent moments had passed by.

Neither of them made the effort to move but check-out was 2pm at the latest if Chris had bought it and she was almost certain he had. She would eventually need to make her way to the station and presumably Chris would simply head home in his car. Back to Boston. Back to reality.

“We still have some time. We could order up some lunch if you want to? I’m not entirely convinced you ate anything this morning.”

She watched him in the mirror as he turned to face her, a sterner look in his eyes. He was pretty certain he could read her face this time and her lip-bite told him he was right.

“Or we could do something else with the little time we have left.” He reached out his hand to touch hers, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. She didn’t more away so he chanced his arm and pulled her closer to him before kissing the inside of her palm and wrist. “It was so hard last night.”

She smirked at him before it dawned on him. “I mean...you know what I mean.” He rolled his eyes. “It was hard for me to lie so close to you and not touch you. I really meant what I said, about you getting a good night’s rest but fuck me, it was difficult.”

“I know. It was hard for me, too.”

“We don’t get this kind of time together,” he looked down at her hands, held tightly in his. “And I’ve really, really enjoyed myself. I feel more normal around you. I can’t explain it.”

“It’s OK. You don’t need to say anything.”

This was the type of conversation Sarah would ordinarily run a mile from had it been with anyone else. Chris seemed to understand as well as he stopped himself from talking some more. She was being held in place by the literal limited space around her as he planted himself in her way. He looked down at her causing her to freeze up and, mentally, she began checking if she could feel her feet.

She slowly ran her hands up and down his arms in an attempt to sooth him. She saw him glance down at her lips and she hoped he would end the silence by kissing her but there was no such luck. He was trying to figure something out but what, she didn’t know. He was waiting for her next move.

“I don’t think we’ve thought this much about what happens, when...” he paused, gauging her for a response or an indication that she was OK with what he was about to say. Perhaps even anticipating it in some way. “Sarah, I have these feelings for you and they’re getting stronger and these past few days have told me that I’m right. Do you know what I mean?”

She did know. She didn’t much want to know, but she did. “Let’s pause this and figure it out another time, yeh?” He hands rubbed up to the rest of his shoulders. “Let’s just enjoy this while it lasts. There’ll be another time for talking.”

He wasn’t convinced but assuaged enough to kiss her again, a little harder this time. His hand slipped into her hair to hold her to him and she responded by wrapping her arms around his neck. They had time.

*

She should have known he would have had the idea to drive them both back home. Yes, there was no need for her to sit on a busy commuter train for three hours but still. She did almost say yes but she would feel awkward asking him to drop her off blocks away from her home and he would inevitably disagree and they’d argue. Not argue per se. They never really argued, but it would become a thing and she didn’t have the heart to disappoint him a third time that day.

They were in happy moods by the time they checked out. All ideas of having a more serious conversation had evaporated quickly after she pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him. He had them both naked in record time even for him, and she made a point to memorise his face and the rush of red through his skin when she watched him cum hard underneath her.

She’d bought him a coffee from the cafe bar inside the reception and he’d thanked her with a gentle peck on the lips before slipping away via the underground garage, ball cap pulled down low over his eyes. She felt the light bruises form on her thighs and smiled to herself at the memory of where his hands had been when she walked into the apartment to find Shanna in tears. She froze on the spot.

“Oh my god, what the hell happened?” Finally finding her voice when registering the scene in front of her. Sarah dropped her bags and ran to the couch to wrap an arm around her friend. “Why are you crying?”

“I didn’t think you’d be back so soon. Sorry, I’m...” Shanna tried to gather her thoughts. “It’s stupid really. I don’t even know what I’m crying.”

“Well, it’s not stupid. It’s obviously something because it’s made you upset.” She pulled her hand inside the sleeve of her hoodie and used it to wipe away her tears. “Do you wanna talk about it? Is it something I can help with?”

“Not really.” This wasn’t the feisty Shan Sarah knew. “Turns out Robbie wasn’t interested in me after all because he’s asked somebody else out. I should have known really. He definitely wouldn’t be interested in me.”

“Oh love,” Sarah empathised.

“It’s not even like I was really all that bothered about him, honestly.” She continued. “It’s just, it’s been a while since someone decent asked me out on a date, y’know? Someone smart who had potential. Normally, they have to be drunk to even approach me and they just end up being dickheads. All of them.”

Knowing Shanna as well as she did, she knew Shanna wouldn’t appreciate an empty platitude. “I think it happens to the best of us. You should hear some of the tales Audrey has. She’s experienced some crazy shit.”

“Yeh? How did she meet Michael?”

“She didn’t make it easy for him that’s for sure!” she chuckled and felt relief at the grin now showing on Shan’s face. “The way she tells it, she stopped looking. Just stopped going to bars and clubs, spent more time doing the things she enjoyed and more time with her friends and family. Randomly met him at a march in the city, can you believe that? He wasn’t even supposed to be there but his brother dragged him along apparently.”

“I think she was right to concentrate on her friends and family. I should take a leaf out of her book. At least you can count on them to keep you sane.”

A sense of unease found its way into Sarah’s head. “Yeh, definitely. You never know when a good thing will strike and maybe this shows you that you know what you don’t want anymore. That’s gotta be a positive thing, right?”

“Yeh, it just feels a bit crap but I’ll probably feel better in the morning.” Shanna got up from the couch and Sarah sense it was more so to hide a few more tears. “I got some wine earlier, do you fancy a glass?”

“Uh yeh sounds good. I’ll just go and sort my stuff out.”

“Oh fucking hell!” Shanna smacked her hand to her face. “I’m so sorry! How did it go?”

Sarah held her bag loosely in her hand, her attempt at making a quick getaway to her room without discussing the exam a failure. “Oh, it was what it was. I won’t find out for a little while so no point worrying about it twice, right?”

“Huh, you sound just like Chris.” Shanna said before walking back into the kitchen. “I’m sure you did great, though. You always do.”

“Thanks.” She carried on to her room to dump her stuff. She would sort it out tomorrow. Right now, she figured Shan would want to get a little bit drunk and Sarah was on a late tomorrow anyway, so...it wouldn’t do them any harm.

“Hey, Sarah?” Shan called from the kitchen.

“Yeh?”

“Who did you have coffee with?”

Confusion set in as Sarah tried to figure out what Shanna was talking about. She peered her head round the door. “What?”

“Coffee today?” Shanna responded, holding a crumpled piece of paper in her hand. “This dropped out of your coat, I think. Coffee for two?”

Confusion quickly turned into full-blown panic as she realised what she had done. Fuck. “Oh, um, I just...” She stumbled over herself and felt her skin redden and get hotter. She must have looked a sight. “Um...it wasn’t...”

“Hey, listen, you don’t need to explain anything.”

“Oh no that’s not what it is-”

“-At least one of us is having better luck in the romance department.”

“Shan, it’s not-”

“-I’m so glad you and Greg are getting on well.” Shanna handed over the receipt to Sarah before regarding what must have looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights. “I mean that. He seems nice and you absolutely deserve to have some fun for a change. I know I haven’t been very supportive of this whole thing with Charlotte but I worry about you a little bit sometimes. After everything that’s happened, I guess I just didn’t wanna see you hurt again.”

Sarah was frozen to the spot. Numb. Shanna had put two and two together and thought the best of her friend. Sarah didn’t deserve that.

“He seems like he’s being really supportive right now and being the person that I should perhaps be. I will try to be better, I promise.” Shanna apologised.

Sarah looked down at the slip of paper in her hand and then to the floor, a little bit of feeling starting to return to her legs. “Shan,” she started quietly, so quietly that she missed it entirely and when she looked back up, Shanna was walking back into the kitchen.

“I mean it. You’ve always been amazing to me. Picking me up when I need it and looking after me. Everyone says I take you for granted sometimes and they’re absolutely right so I just wanted to say that I will back you up 100% from now on. No excuses. You and me against the world, right?”

Shanna flashed her a broad and hopeful grin and all Sarah could do was return a limp version in response. 

“Let’s get that wine opened and you can tell me all about it.”

Shanna disappeared into the kitchen again. If she had stayed a second longer she would have seen tears form in Sarah’s eyes at the knowledge that she screwed everything up. She and Chris had diverted a conversation on the promise of having it another time but that was never going to happen. Not now.

How could it?

*

[imanativeofswlondondahling]

Becoming A Stark (14)- Peter Parker x Stark! femReader

Word Count: 1869

Warning: Swearing

Author’s Note: So we’ve hit the half way point I think (I think I did my math right lol). Also I loved doing the field trip chapters! I wanted to do something more fun before we get into the Spider-Man Homecoming Chapters which will start next! Let me know what you think and if you want to be added to the tag list!

Chapter One || Previous Chapter || Master List

“So is this what you do every day?” You ask Pepper as you sit in the chair next to her desk. Your hand fidgets with the medical alert bracelet on your right wrist, needing to fiddle with something.

“Goodness no. Every day changes. But it’s a lot of meetings and lunches, paperwork, press conferences, things like that. And about 90% of it is redirecting your dad when he gets on a tangent.” Pepper says with a smile.��

“What…” You let your sentence drift off, not wanting to voice your question.

“What….?” She prods slightly, but doesn’t push like your dad would.

“What if I decide I don’t want to run the company? Like everyone keeps telling me it’s my name on the building and stuff but what if I don’t want to ascend to my birth right or whatever?”

“I’m not a Stark.” Pepper states.

“Yeah but you and my dad are basically going to get married one day and then you will be.” It’s not that much of a secret that your dad wants to marry Pepper, he just hasn’t asked yet.

“Well... yes, but that’s not the point I was trying to make. The point is that you don’t have to be a Stark to run the company. When you turn twenty one, should you decide that running the company is not for you, you would just pick another CEO, or I can keep running the company if that is where we are depending on what happens seven years from now.”

“Would my dad hate it if I didn’t step into it?”

“You know your dad chose to step away from running the company right?” You nod. It was big news when Tony Stark had stepped down from CEO. Nana and Pops had talked about it for like a week when it happened. “He wouldn’t judge you or love you any less for choosing to do the same thing. He wants you to be happy. First and foremost. He’s already looking towards which schools have the best English Lit programs because he knows that his pull at MIT is going to have nothing for you. He doesn’t expect you to be him. He wants you to be better than him.”

“But he’s Tony Stark. He’s Iron Man. How can I be better than that?” You ask.

“Quite easily actually. Tony Stark, Iron Man, psshh. They’ve let a lot of people down.” Tony’s voice enters the room. “Honestly there’s probably even one of those Buzzfeed articles about the top ten ways that Tony Stark has let down people.”

“Tony.” Pepper’s voice alone tells you she disagrees, but Tony ignores it and continues.

“But you, Y/N Stark, you have the chance to do anything in the world. And you will make me a proud dad by doing that. You don’t have to do anything with the company if you don’t want to and I will be completely happy with that you know why? Because you are my daughter. And that’s the only thing I need to make me happy.” He places a kiss on the top of your head. “That and doing whatever it takes to keep Pep here happy.” He smiles at her across the desk.

“What would keep me happy is if you actually met your deadlines.” She teases. 

“I’m right on schedule. Ahead some might even say.”

“Some might, but would I?” She raises an eyebrow as she pushes some papers onto a different pile.

“I’d rather not sleep on the couch tonight so I’m going to go with I’m on schedule today.” Pepper rolls her eyes at that. 

“So then, what made you come all the way up to the office that you despise?”

“Other than the fact that my two favorite people are here?”

“You sound like you’re just trying to distract Pepper, Dad.” You tease him, knowing he had to have some motive, because Pepper was right. Dad hated the CEO office, even if the two of you were in it.

“I was making sure the two of you take a break for lunch. Especially since your class is heading down for lunch and I figured since your friends are there, you might want to join them.”

“And because my friends are there, you want to join them and embarrass me.”

“I’m just making sure you eat lunch.” He throws his hands up, trying to show you he comes in peace.

“You hardly ever eat lunch when you’re supposed to.” Pepper points out, but she knows that keeping you on a schedule is important with keeping your basals on a good schedule. “But Tony does make a good point that we should get some lunch for you. And how often do we get to have lunch as a family?”

“You don’t have like a lunch meeting or something?” You ask, surprised that Pepper isn’t running off to some fancy luncheon.

“Not today. Today I can take an actual lunch with my two favorite Starks.” She smiles standing up and walking to the other side of her desk. Tony’s arm wraps around her waist, pulling her in close. He places a kiss on her cheek.

“Lunch is my treat.” Tony teases. “Let’s go!”

“Lunch is free for any employees or family of the employees.” Pepper explains rolling her eyes as the three of you walk towards the elevator. 

“FRI take us to the cafeteria.”

“Sure thing boss.” The elevator takes you down the twenty floors and as you walk out the doors you see your friends sitting at tables.

“I’ll get you food. Go sit with your friends.” Tony kisses the top of your head as he walks over to get food with Pepper. You make your way over to where Astrid, Betty, Liz, Ned, Peter, and a girl that you think her name is Michelle sit. There’s still a couple open seats at the table so your dad and Pepper will be able to join too.

“Y/N!” Betty and Astrid call your name out as you sit down.

“Are you ok?” Betty’s concern is voiced quickly.

“I’m fine, I came back into range before Peter joined back up with the group.” You explain taking the empty seat next to Peter, who already knew all of this.

“Then why didn’t you come back to the group? Your dad told Mr. Shah there were important Stark matters.”

“I’m spending the rest of the field trip with Pepper. Dad thinks it makes more sense for me to learn about what she does since I’m supposed to take over the company one day then to learn the public tour side of things.” You shrug. “Although I’m not sure how much of Pepper’s job is public knowledge so I’m not sure what my report about what I learned at SI will be about.”

“Just take a page out of your dad’s twitter and write you know who I am. Short, sweet and to the point.” Michelle says not even looking up from her book.

“I think that would be hilarious but I don't think I’d pass with that. And I need a passing grade so I don’t have to take biology over again.” You explain. “I’m Y/N by the way.”

“My friends call me MJ.” The dark haired girl explains.

“I thought you didn’t have any friends?” Ned questions.

“She has at least one.” You defend quickly, sensing something about this girl that you like. MJ and Ned both look up at you, but Peter just shakes his head like he should have seen this coming. What he didn’t see coming, was Tony and Pepper coming to sit with a group of teens. 

Tony sits in the seat next to you, placing a tray of food in front of you, before acknowledging the silence that has fallen over the table. “Yes yes I know it is shocking. Pepper Potts, CEO. She is just as amazing in person and you think she would be.” He flashes a smile at the table and you roll your eyes.

“I think you all probably know my obnoxious dad. And this, as he mentioned is Pepper. She is amazing.” You can’t help but agree with your dad on that one. “Dad, Pepper, you know Betty, Astrid, and Peter of course. Then we have Liz, Ned, and MJ.” You gesture around the table before finally looking at the food in front of you. Pasta with spinach and cheese, some fruit, a brownie, and… “Another green juice?” You look at your dad.

“Chef Louis makes the best green juice.” You dad says taking a sip of his own.

“Good for him. I already had my one for the day.”

“Think of it as balancing out the soda from earlier.”

“It wasn’t like I went out of my way to have a soda. I was dying.”

“And now we’re going to give your body something better.” You roll your eyes. 

“Pepper help me out?” You plead.

“He’s pretty set on this one.” Peppe says as she lifts her own glass from the other side of Tony. “This one tastes different than the ones he makes in the mornings though.”

“You know I thought the paparazzi was the worst part of being a Stark. But it’s the fucking green juice obsession in this family.” There’s a burst of laughter from next to you. “Something funny Parker?” 

“Absolutely nothing funny Y/N.” He says lifting a soda to his own lips.

“You not going to make your intern get on the green juice trend?” You ask your dad.

“He’s not my kid. You are.”

“I’ll trade you.” You offer the glass to Peter.

“If you give her the glass that has as much sugar as a Snicker’s, I’ll ban you from all labs for a week.” Tony’s voice drops an octave.

“You not going to just blast him with your gauntlet?” You tease.

“That’s saved for bad guys and boyfriends.” Betty and Astrid look at you with a look that you can read to see that they understand what you meant about trying to get a Homecoming date now.

“See if I tell you when I get a boyfriend then.”

“Remind me to tell FRIDAY to lock you in the brownstone until you're 25 then.” Tony teases back.

“Pepper’ll save me.” You say, sure that Pepper will reign him in before he could even get this far. 

“I got your back.” She responds with a smile. As you put the carbs into Queenie, the conversation picks up around you. Your dad starts talking to Peter about some missing part of a calculation for one of the many projects they were working on. Betty and Astrid are talking to Pepper about what it’s like to be CEO and you’ve fallen into listening to your two worlds falling back into one. You even take a sip of the green juice and shouldn’t be surprised that it’s not that bad. To be honest, it’s even better than the one you get in the mornings. But you won’t let your dad know that. But of course he notices anyway.

“Told you it was good.”

“Never said it was good. It just didn’t kill me.”

“Sure kiddo. Whatever you say.”

Becoming A Stark Tag list: @persephonehemingway  @iamaunicorn4704  @furiouspockettoad  @daughter-of-stark  @eternalharry  @huntective-kyeo @riiis-stuff @sunnyoongles @cosmicqueenieb @sovereignparker @bbarnestan @teenwishes08 @iamthescarlettwitch

Permanent tag list: @wormonastringonastick

[binkysteebnpewter]

All of them 😤

Ehehe 😂💗

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?

Grace is actually my middle name, and somewhat. I just don’t like it when my family calls me by first and middle together.

2. are you artistic?

Somewhat?

3. Have you had your first kiss?

Yes

4. What is your life goal?

It’s cheesy and a little cliche, but I want to find Home.

5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?

Nope

6. Do you play any sports?

Not anymore but I used to play football and I was on the wrestling team in HS

7. What’s your worst fear?

I have two that are sort of equal with another but I’m afraid of losing the people I care about and people seeing me the way I see myself.

8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?

My late Nana, Gloria.

9. Do you have any cool talents?

Answered in previous ask

10. are you a morning person?

Not at all

11. How do you feel about pet names?

I love them

12. Do you like to read?

Absolutely

13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.

NCIS, Criminal Minds, and any marvel movie

14. Do you care about your follower count?

Not really, I’ll celebrate milestones but that’s just to show everyone I appreciate them following my trash pile. I didn’t start writing to have a high following, I started writing to better my skill and also make people happy.

15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?

I don’t remember most of my happy dreams

16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?

Yep!

17. Do you have any pets?

I have three dogs 🥺💗

18. Are you religious?

No. They only thing I actually believe in is ghosts.

19. Are you a people person?

Not really

20. Are you considered popular?

Nope, and I don’t care to be

21. What is one of your bad habits?

Overthinking

22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?

Opening up my emotions to other people

23. What would you name your children?

No clue

24. Who’s your celebrity crush?

There’s a bunch ig

25. What’s your best subject?

Science and history

26. Dogs or cats?

Dogs, I love cats but I’m super allergic

27. most used social media besides tumblr?

I don’t use a lot of social media tbh, so tumblr is probably my most used unless you count youtube

28. best friends name

Duke

29. who does your main family consist of

My friends and my brother. Family isn’t just blood

30. Chocolate or sugar

Both

31. have you ever been on a date?

Yep

32. Do you like rollercosters?

Absolutely love them

33. Can you swim?

Yes 💗

34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?

Clearly, I’d do what everyone else does. Panic and try to survive.

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?

Yes, I struggle with anxiety and depression

36. Are your parents together?

Nope.

37. What’s your favourite colour?

Dark green and Dark Blue

38. What country are you from/do you live in?

Unfortunately, the U.S

39. Favourite singer?

Uh... there’s too many to list? But my favorite people to listen to is The Oh Hellos

40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?

Nope, I run from being the center of attention.

41. Do you like dresses?

Not really

42. Favourite song right now?

Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra

43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Sort of.

44. How old were you when you first got your period?

No clue, I don’t remember

45. Have you ever shot a gun?

Yep

46. Have you ever done yoga?

No

47. Are you a horror girl?

YES 😈

48. Are you good at giving advice?

I suppose I am?

49. Tell us a story about your childhood.

I don’t have a lot of happy memories but one that sticks out is: I used to go to a private Christian academy and I was in first grade when this boy in eighth grade (the entire school was k-12) came over to me during my lunch. I was super scared and shy as a kid so my schedule was tailored so I was able to eat lunch with my brother whose nine years older than me. Our mom forgot to pack our lunches so we were gonna just get some stuff from the vending machine, well my brother gave me my money to get something and this boy came over to me before I could put it in the vending machine. He hit me and took my money, buying himself something with it. My brother seen it and got into a fight with him.

50. How are you doing today?

Eh

51. Were you a cute kid?

I looked like Shirley Temple when I was a kid

52. Can you dance?

I can swing dance and slow dance, but that’s it.

53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?

I always look for exits and bathrooms when I go somewhere, I’ve always done it 🤷🏻‍♀️

54. Have you ever dyed your hair?

No because I’m a ginger. I can’t just dye it back if I end up not liking the color I dyed it to.

55. What colour are your eyes?

Brown

56. What’s your favourite animal?

Answered in previous ask

57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?

Multiple times

58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

My relationship with my dad is rocky but my relationship with my mother went up in flames a few yeaes ago 🤷🏻‍♀️

59. Do you have good friends?

I have some amazing friends🥺💗

60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?

Yep!

61. What’s your favourite class?

My favorite class was Psychology

62. List all the tv shows you are watching.

I’m rewatching Criminal Minds right now.

63. Are you organized?

Somewhat?

64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?

I don’t know if it counts as a movie but I just finished a Ted Bundy Tapes Documentary. I think Bundy was a little bit of an idiot.

67. Which tv character do you relate to most?

Spencer Reid

68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?

Anxiety, Depression, overthinking

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?

I would probably still work, I’m not a fan of sitting around and doing nothing for large amounts of time.

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?

Find a way to die, I don’t want to live forever. That’s just torture 👀

71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?

Nothing. I’ll act the same as I always have because I am who I am, there’s no reason to change yourself from when someone is watching and when someone isn’t.

72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?

A lot 😂

73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Yep

74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?

I went to Disney with my Chorus Class in Junior Year of HS, it was my first time to Disney.

75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?

Nothing, I’m looking for Home. Home will be someone I feel safe with, someone I can be completely myself with— someone I love wholly.

76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?

I— idk?

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

I wanted to be a nurse 🤦🏻‍♀️

78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?

Im not sure

79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?

Ooh... uh, something happened to me all through 7th, 8th, and 9th grade that I should’ve spoken up about but was too scared.

80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.

I will work hard to love myself and pursue my dream job.

81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?

No clue tbh

82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?

I don’t want to live forever but I guess I’d find a way to take away my immortality or find someone else who is immortal to love

83. How would you spend a billion dollars?

Id put a lot into important causes and then save some with interest.

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

I’m not sure, I think I wouldn’t go anywhere because I want to live in the moment. Except 2020, fuck 2020.

85. What motivates you to succeed?

Failure motivates me to succeed.

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?

I don’t remember most of my happy dream, I usually can only remember the nightmares 🤷🏻‍♀️

87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?

Woods, its peaceful.

88. Do you believe in life after death?

I don’t really believe in anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?

I had a teacher named Ms Eagan and she inspired me to always be myself.

90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?

Meeting Lily

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?

Lily, because I really miss her.

92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?

Anyone being nice to me makes me cry—

93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?

Sometimes the people you call family don’t truly love you.

94. What do you think happens after we die?

Idk and idrc either tbh

95. What would you do if you would be invisible?

I’d probably scare some people

96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?

Speak in public or ask for something at restaurants

97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?

Eh

98. How did your first crush develop?

They were nice to me when no one else was

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?

Yes, I’m trying to ignore how upset some people can really make me.

100. Do you live or do you just exist?

I think I’m somewhere in between, where sometimes I’m just existing and sometimes I’m living.

[5hining-aus]

SHINee As High School Teachers

So I got a request asking for the guys as different types of teachers and, since I’ve actually had the idea for a while (kinda convinced that the requester is a mind reader ngl) I figured that I’d start off with them as HS teachers. I had some fun with this and threw in a few little things from my own high school days as well. Enjoy! 

Jinki - Chemistry Teacher

So you know all those videos that show teachers doing super cool experiments with their students? He’s one of those teachers

He’s a pretty calm teacher most of the time, but may the gods have mercy on your soul if you mess around in the lab

Lab safety is his #1 concern, like if you aren’t wearing the proper gear then you are out of there

The only time his students have ever seen him even slightly raise his voice was when the class’s resident asshole decided to pretend to pour something on their lab partner

It was a harmless solution (the more volatile stuff is reserved for his upper-level honours classes) but still, it was more the principle of the act than anything else

100% has made coffee on a Bunsen burner

Also, always has a different coffee mug, like nobody ever sees him with the same mug twice. The only exceptions are the mugs that he’s gotten as gifts from his graduating classes (which are displayed on their own little handmade rack when not in use)

He has a tradition of teaching his graduating classes how to make flamethrowers (but shh, administration doesn’t need to know that)

Another tradition (albeit, an unofficial one) is that, on the first day of class every year, he’ll trip over THE SAME FLOOR TILE. It’s not even broken or anything, yet he still trips over it

He actually has a Doctorate and could be teaching at the University-level, but he decided to teach High School so he could try to get more young people interested in the sciences. It worked and a lot of his former students who went into science-related fields attribute their decision to go into said fields to him

He almost cried when one of the students from the very first class he ever taught came to him one day and told him that they had decided to go for a PhD in Chemistry because of him. And you bet he was there cheering them on when they went in to defend their thesis

He has like almost an entire wall of his classroom that is dedicated to his current and former students’ scientific achievements

Has a reputation for being a crazy scientist, but pretty much everyone who’s ever been in his class absolutely adores him

Has a lot of weird inside jokes with his students

Always wears some type of short-sleeved button-up shirt and khakis/chinos. On lab days, he adds a white lab coat, massive safety goggles, and all other necessary protective clothing

Jonghyun - Music Teacher

His classroom is in the school basement, but he’s made it really cozy and nice

Uses beanbag chairs instead of desks like 90% of the time (loss of beanbag privileges is an actual consequence he has for students who are breaking his rules)

A lot of the Choir and Band kids like to hang out in there at lunch and he kinda just lets them do whatever they want as long as they aren’t being too rowdy or breaking school rules

CONSTANTLY grumbling over the fact that the Arts Department is always overlooked when it comes to funding

Has, on more than one occasion, used his own money to buy instruments for the class because gosh darn it, no class of his is going to be using shit-tier instruments

He treats his instruments like they’re his children, always keeps them nice and clean and tuned

Has a framed picture of Roo on his desk. His mom and sister are his computer background

Definitely one of those teachers that can get on a topic completely unrelated to his subject and spend the entire class talking about it

Always has a compliment for each of his students. Even if they’re doing horribly, he’ll have something positive to say

In addition to his classes, he’s also the faculty advisor for the School Band and the School Choir

Has attempted, multiple times, to get school approval to take his students to rock concerts for field trips. He has yet to succeed

Just like a super chill teacher

Kibum - Art Teacher

First of all, don’t call him Mr. Kim, he prefers Key or Mr. Key

Another basement dweller, he fought Jonghyun tooth and nail for the best classroom and he won

Despite his classroom being the best classroom in the basement, it’s still in the basement and gets super cold during late Fall and Winter. To combat this, he keeps a Sunggie in his supply closet at all times

Do you know that gif of the guy in a black turtleneck going “It’s art?” That’s pretty much Kibum. He has said those words and made that exact hand motion many times

One of his students actually printed out a blown-up picture of the gif and gave it to him. It’s now hanging up by his desk and he always points to it whenever someone asks why a painting is the way it is

Kibum is one of those teachers that the students either love or hate. Most of his students love him, but there’s definitely a few who hate him

His smocks are always immaculate, like how????

Wears a beret about 50% of the time. He also gives all his new students their own berets on their first day (they’re embroidered)

Literally could not give less of a shit about the school’s dress code

Like, as long as nothing’s hanging out/overly revealing and as long as there’s no inappropriate messages/images on the clothing just, like, let the students wear what they want

But noooooo, the school “has an image to uphold” so that means no tattoos, no non-earlobe piercings, no bleached or unnaturally dyed hair, and no hair over a certain length for male students

Constantly arguing with admin about the hair, tattoo, and piercing restrictions. He claims that body art is just as valid as traditional art and that the students should have the right to express themselves however they see fit 

Stocks up on hair gel and concealer so his students don’t get dress coded

He’s the faculty advisor for the Drama Club and the Art Club

Like Jjong and the Band+Choir kids, the Drama and Art Club kids can typically be found in Key’s classroom during breaks

Brings CommeGa in with him the week before exams

They have little berets and smocks too

Minho - History Teacher

His class covers a bit of every culture/country’s history, but the main focus is Korean History

He gets SUPER into the unit on Ancient History. One time his students walked into class to see him decked out in traditional clothing from the Silla Dynasty, complete with hair extensions and everything

Oh, and he redecorated the whole class room to be period-accurate as well

Is just generally A Lot™ when he’s teaching

He knows that History can be a bit of a boring subject for some people so he tries to do fun things in class to try and make it interesting

He’ll give his classes the textbook-version of history, and then he’ll turn around and explain which parts were complete BS

He doesn’t sugarcoat much. Sure, he may not go too deep into the more disturbing parts of history (his students are just kids after all) but he’s very honest about what actually happened VS what the textbooks say happened

Definitely the teacher that everybody has a crush on (he obviously doesn’t condone it)

Likes to take his classes to historical villages for field trips

He’s the coach for the Soccer, Baseball, Track, Basketball, and Swim Teams as well as the faculty advisor for the Filmmaking Club

He’s a busy, busy man yet he always has time for his students

Another universally beloved teacher

Since he pretty much has the Film Club at his disposal, he’ll sometimes make short little historical films to use during his lessons

Prints out history memes and hangs them around his classroom like the nerd he is

Taemin - English Lit. Teacher

In my opinion, there are few forces in the educational system more chaotic than an English Teacher, which makes it a perfect fit for Taemin

If he had a dollar for every time he had been mistaken for a student

A little trick he likes to play on his Grade 9s is one where, on the first day of school, he’ll sit at one of the student desks and just wait for a bit until somebody asks where the teacher is. Then he’ll just be all “Surprise, welcome to English 1! I’m Mr. Lee and I’ll be your teacher!”

On the flipside, the amount of parents that don’t believe that he’s a teacher irritates him so much (he’s literally been asked for ID at Parent-Teacher Conferences)

Like, he’s fine with joking from his students, and even a bit of shock from parents is ok, but damn it, he didn’t get a Masters in Education to be treated like this

Anyway, he’ll get REALLY into it when he’s reading Shakespeare

One time, he stood on a desk and read it like that. One of his students from another class walked by, saw him, and just kinda poked their head in and was like “Mr. Lee? Are you okay?”

Jonghyun likes to bring him in when he does the piano unit in his class

Like Ming, Tae’s another nerd teacher who has found that memes are an excellent way to connect with his students

He’s co-advisor for the Drama Club along with Key

Drama, drama, drama. No drama, drama, drama

They’ve almost gotten into fistfights over the true meanings of plays

He’s also the coach for the school’s Dance Team (the school’s AWARD WINNING Dance Team, as he likes to remind people)

“Oh, your team got first place at Regionals? Talk to me when you get a National title.”

I like the idea of him driving the team around in a minivan or smth, just full on soccer-momming it

[lubdubsworld]

Sleepwalking To You , It’s out of my Control ( J Hope/ OC)

Hi guys...

So, I’m new to tumblr but I thought I’d start posting my fics here. Be sure to follow me for updates. 

Relationship : J Hope / OC 

Genre : Drama/ Angst/ Romance. 

Chapter : 1/?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

Today, the sunshine was warm on my face but the air felt like little shards of glass, tearing through my skin and making me flinch. I stared up at the weak winter sun and realized that it was fighting a losing battle. Today the cold was just too much. I grabbed both my arms to suppress a shudder, huddling closer to myself as I pulled my fir coat tighter and lightly touched my handbag. It held a hastily packed lunch and about 20000 won worth of cash. Not much but important to keep myself alive for the day. My phone, an old battered Nokia with a peeling case and a scratched screen began vibrating and I groaned, glancing at my watch. i was already ten minutes late.

I worked as a secretary to a cranky producer who called himself ' Suga ' but was more bitter than black coffee. And crankier than a three year old child with colic. I was tired and not really in the mood to put up with his badgering. But then, I wasn't really into starving either , so I hailed a cab , staring sadly at the money that i would have to spend on it.

When I finally managed to reach the office, i was surprised to find Min Yoongi aka Suga in a pretty good mood, all things considering. He gave me a soft smile ( a miracle that ) and waved me to my office. I spent an hour or so, organizing his appointments for the coming week and then typing up the proposals to be sent to a dozen Entertainment companies. All of them wanted yoongi to become ' Exclusively ' theirs. I grinned. Min Yoongi would never restrict himself that way. One of his biggest joy was delving into different types of music, He would never restrict himself to a single genre or a single concept.

As I typed out yet another page of boring details, the small bell over the door chimed, signaling someone's entry. I looked up curiously and froze automatically. After three years, i still didn't know how to look at her. How did you look at your husband's beautiful mistress without feeling like killing yourself? But I wasn't a doormat ( at least not in front of Kim Hyeri : she may have my husband's heart but i still had his name .)

"Hi there Jiah." She said casually and i sighed. She was the same age as Hoseok, four years older than me yet she acted like a toddler, taking every opportunity to rile me up . But I wouldn't let her get to me. Couldn't afford to let her get to me. But then after three years, we had both become jaded enough to tolerate each other without incident. She didn't rant and rave at me and I didn't yell back.

"Hi, Unnie. How's your back? Yoongi oppa told me you sprained it dancing." I said softly. Hyeri shrugged and took off her jacket, hanging it in the closet before slipping out of cute little fur booties. She was an idol, her figure perfect, her face breathtaking and her manners infallible. I smiled as she dug into her bag and carefully produced a small bottle of banana milk and a straw. She slid it across the table and smiled .

"Have a nice day." She said softly and her gaze told me that she meant it. Oh well, I accepted the gift,  bowing politely. She gave me a searching look and finally took a deep breath.

"Hobi and I talked about marriage."

I froze. Finally. There it was. I sighed as relief flooded through me.

"I'll sign the papers as soon as he -"

"He doesn't want to marry me."

I fought to keep my jaw from going unhinged.

"What?"

"He thinks it will damage my career , so we're going to put it off for a couple of years at least."

I could feel my skin begin to crawl like there were thousands of fire ants all over my body, burning me . I could sense the anger and frustration and bitterness threatening to spill over and i had to bite my lips to keep myself from screaming.

"That's the most nauseating thing i've ever heard..." I spat out.

"It's not like there's anything you can do about it. " She said loftily, glaring at me before walking into the main office. I sat still taking deep breaths. She was right. There wasn't much I could do. My mother was old, dying. I couldn't break her heart by going through an ugly divorce. And the divorce would turn ugly if i had to fight for it.Defeated, I stared at the papers in front of me. I didn't even like my husband anymore. He was just another ... obstacle to my happiness. It was a pity because he was a nice guy in general. Nicer than most of the choreographers I'd met . He didn't yell at people or try to control his students and he was a phenomenal dancer, the best at his craft.

But he was a miserable husband. And i was his miserable wife.

That evening, i had to practically drag myself up to our apartment. It was a moderately expensive two bedroom flat , close to most of the dance studios that Hoseok worked at and a whole city ride away from where i worked. I sighed , pushing the scratched key into the lock and making my way in. The apartment was bright, the lights on and soothing music echoing off the walls. Great, he was home. Which meant I couldn't even grab a coffee before facing him. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and grimaced. i would never be called beautiful. I wasn't hideous but my features were painfully regular. Straight hair, straight brows, button nose and thin lips. My figure was nothing different from the rest of the 90% of the Korean female population. Small breasts, spindly legs. I wasn't short, but i wasn't tall either. I looked haggard , my hair messed and the white blouse I'd worn in the morning, now crumpled beyond redemption. There was also a small stain near my left shoulder. I scratched at it with a forefinger, making a mental note to soak it before tossing it in the washer.

"You're late." Hoseok's voice came from the bedroom and I shut my eyes , tried to arrange my features into an expression that did not scream ' Murder' and turned around slowly.

"I am ." I said blankly, trying not to stare as he casually took off his shirt and tossed it in the small hamper that stood on the passageway outside my bedroom. He swore and went to the thermostat.

"Did you change it again? It's sweltering hot in this place!!"

I sighed and shook my head.

"i did not." I said , moving to drop my bag on the small table near the TV and taking off my jacket. I walked into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water and frowned when he followed me.

"I'm having two auditions with a couple of rookies tomorrow. I've asked them to meet me tonight to brief them. Fix dinner for them. " He said casually . I stared at him, annoyed.

"Really? I was hoping we could order in..." I said miserably , every joint and curve protesting at the thought of more work.

"It's the least you can do after forgetting to stock up on milk again. I told you I need that for my protein shake. " He said calmly, moving to slip on a tank top and I sighed. I wasn't really strong enough to pick a fight. Especially after the scintillating news I'd just heard. I didn't know if Hoseok knew that his girlfriend had already told me about their plans ( it was funny that they planned out their life without giving a damn about me , although I was so intricately involved in it myself.) I didn't want to bring it up either. Over the years, I'd learnt that there was a time and place to talk about things like this. I had to be at my maximum capacity, not half dead from commuting two hours and haggard from a day of work. I moved to the bathroom to freshen up and then moved to the kitchen to start on dinner.

Idols seldom got the chance to eat well, and most of the kids who dropped by at our apartment were between 15 to eighteen and they were always vociferously hungry. I did my best to cook large quantities and I'd inherited my mom's talent for making delicious stuff with very little fanfare. But it still took the better part two hours for everything to be ready and Hoseok was already in the small dance studio next to the sitting room, dancing and discussing with the kids. I hesitated before moving to the edge of the hall and peering in. Not for the first time, I felt my breath catch at how beautiful he looked with his fluid movements, long legs and wide shoulders moving flawlessly in front of the mirror as he demonstrated various moves.

Hoseok was a born dancer. He was only ever alive when he was on the dance floor. And i was proud of him for fighting his own father and deciding to pursue his dreams.Him and Hyeri had that in common. They had grown up together and broken free from their privileged upbringing to pursue their dreams. I gripped the edge of my dress and bit my lips. Three years ago, I'd been an art major in a normal university. I hadn't thought beyond University and when my father had spoken to me about marrying a handsome young dancer with a bright smile and kind eyes, I'd never even considered saying no. My father had wanted a heir for his company and as the only daughter I would be the one to provide it for him. I hadn't resented him for it. It wasn't sudden, after all. I'd known it all along. And I'd been happy that he had picked someone down to earth and cheerful like Hoseok.

Sighing, i moved away and stretched, flinching when my back popped. That was a lifetime ago. A whole other life. My marriage had been a disaster from day one. And my father had written me off from his will last month, reminding me that I had failed to do the one thing I'd been asked to do . So now, when Hoseok did divorce me, i had nowhere to go. I thought of all the money i'd saved over the years. It wasn't a lot but enough to at least keep me from starving till I found a way to get on my own two feet. I had already looked up a nice , remote mountain village , far from Seoul. I wouldn't stay within a thousand miles of Jung Hoseok. Whether he's intended to or not, he had destroyed my life.

But that night when i was already in bed, I saw a shadow fall across the foot of my bed. Surprised, i sat up. Hoseok never came to my bedroom. He was smiling a little, almost fighting laughter.

"What's wrong?" i said surprised.

"The ...uh... choreo got approved for the last three songs I'd been working on..." He said softly. i smiled , pleased.

"That's great news. You worked hard on it..." I said softly.

He stood still and kept staring at me.

"I've been thinking of getting a bigger apartment, closer to the city. You won't have to travel that far everyday, then." He whispered.

My heart skipped a beat.

"Uh..okay. As you wish..." i said , looking down into my lap. He stood for a second longer and then turned around an left without a word.

I couldn't sleep for a long time, my mind sinking into a huge plethora of What ifs?

What if we got along?

What iof he didn't love someone else...?

What if , instead he loved....?

I tamped down that last thought with a firm push. I couldn't think that. Not today. Not ever.

The call came in at 5.00 PM.

I was on my desk, highlighting some minutes from one of Yoongi's meetings when my boss came out, looking like death.

"Jiah..." He'd whispered in absolute horror.

The look on his face was nothing if not terrifying and my first instinctive reaction was that someone had either 1.) Plagiarised his music. 2.) Accused him of Plagiarism . 3. ) Leaked an unreleased track.

"What's wrong oppa..?" I stood up automatically and Yoongi just stared at me.

"It's Hoseok..he..."

My heart stopped. White noise roared through my skull and my toes and fingers went ice cold, my stomach contracting hard enough to cramp and my knees knocking together .

"Hoseok...?" I said, stunned.

"He was in an accident...."

I gripped the edge of the table while the doctor let out a huge sigh, his face filled with sympathy.

"We're going to have to amputate his legs."

I exhaled deeply. My mind

"No. Absolutely not." I said firmly. The doctor gave me a sympathetic look.

"Mrs. Jung , I understand that..."

"No you don't. i know your medical books teach you that the heart and the brain are what you need to survive but for my husband , he needs his legs. He's a dancer, doctor. If he wakes up and finds them gone, he'll die. HE really will. So i don't fucking care what you say, i won't sign that form. It would be the same as sticking a knife in his heart. " My voice trembled uncontrollably.

"The injury we're talking about is to his spine. It's unlikely that he'll ever regain use of his legs and it will only affect his overall recovery. This isn't something negotiable..."

"I don't care. There has to be another way..."

"His uh.. friend. Hyeri ssi...? She told me to go ahead with it."

I tried not to let my face turn red.

"I'm his wife. I'm the one who gets to decide." I said , willing myself not to start crying. Now wasn't the time....

The doctor stared at me for a while and then bent down to rummage in his desk drawer.

"i shouldn't be doing this but... this is a very new surgery. We've only attempted thirty two of them so far and they have a less than 50% success rate. But it could help your husband without having to remove his legs."

Relief flooded through me in a rush.

"That's great , let's go ahead and... "

"5 million Won. it will take 5million won." He said firmly.

I froze.  Oh God, that was a lot of money. But i didn't think twice. i could find a way. I had about a million Won in savings and...

"Okay. I'll arrange the money just... just do it.." I said desperately. The doctor stared at me some more.

"Please keep in mind that there's a chance that he could still end up losing his legs. "

"But there's also a chance that he could not." i said firmly. " And that's the chance i'm going to take. " I said firmly.

"He's going to die on that operating table because of you." Hyeri spat out furiously and I swallowed. I'd spent three hours calling everyone i knew. I'd asked Yoongi to sell my jewelry and he had given me three million Won from his own savings. I'd managed the rest by selling my wedding ring. The diamond ring had been the only beautiful thing in my life and my fingers looked and felt bare without it. But the money was paid and Hoseok was in surgery. He would get better. He had to get better.

"He would have died anyway if they removed his legs..." i whispered.

"I'm in love with Hoseok!! Not the dancer in him!! i want him alive!! i can't believe you !!" She cried out, tears tracking down her face in torrents.

"And i want him to live! Being alive is not enough if he has to stay in a bed for the rest of his life. Dancing is everything he's ever lived for, how could you think of taking that away from him!!  He's young. He's strong. He'll get through it ...i know..." I tried to keep steady. I hadn't slept in thrity hours. My body was threatening to shut down. But I couldn't sleep not yet. Hobi was in surgery and...

"I'm leaving." She said suddenly.

"What? Hyeri... no..." I struggled to get my head on straight while my vision blurred at the edges. Why did everyone feel the need to fight me on this? Did no one care that Hoseok could never survive without his art??

"I won't stick around to hear how you killed the man i love. That will be on your head." She whispered and I tried not to cry.

"He's not going to die.. He'll wake up from that surgery and he's going to want to see you... just ..." Oh, God... why was she making this so difficult??

"Just how delusional are you??!! His spine is mangled... He's... He's not going to make it. And all you're doing is making him suffer more than he absolutely has to... Well, i won't stand for it. i can't just stand here and watch you destroy him all over again."

Again? Had i destroyed him before? I hadn't... had I?

i bit my lips as she grabbed her bag and then , after ten steps she turned back and pulled out an envelope, thrusting it into my hands.

"Divorce papers. He signed them already. But you didn't. So i can't even use them against you the way i want to. "

I stared at it in dismay.

Sighing, i slipped it into my bag. I'll think about this later.

When the doctor finally came out of the Operating room he looked worse than me. I gripped Yoongi's fingers in mine as he came over to us. My heart began pounding, suddenly the thought that Hoseok may not make it hit me like a sledge hammer and i choked on my own breath.

"is.. is he??" I stared at him, wide eyed.

"Your husband is a fighter, Mrs. Jung. He pulled through."

i shut my eyes , the relief making me realize just how scared I'd been. How scared i had been that i'd made the wrong decision..

"Is he going to be okay, then?" I whispered.

"I wish I could say, yes. But really this is just the beginning. He's going to need extensive therapy, physical and mental to get back on his feet. It can take anywhere between six months to an year for him to start using his limbs again. For now he's going to have to get to a place where he can recover completely. Somewhere nice and quiet. Preferably warm and temperate climate that would be easy on him."

I felt my shoulders droop. As the doctor moved away, i let myself fall back against Yoongi who tightened his arms around my shoulders.

"Don't worry about it. Remember that kid i told you about? Jeon Jung Kook? He has a resort in Jeju Do that he offered to let me holiday in last year. i'll talk to him and we'll arrange for Hobi to be shifted there. It will be okay.." He said calmly.

"I... what about the therapists..."

"There's an excellent physiotherapist in Jeju Do who I would like to recommend. His name is Kim Seokjin and he's worked with some world class athletes before. He doesn't charge money and if I'm guessing right, he was a friend of your husband when they were in school. Jin will help him out well and well, I have a hoobae from school who was a psych major. Bit of a crazy guy but he's good at what he does. Name's Kim Taehyung. I'll see if we can book sessions with him as well."

I burst into tears, startling Yoongi and myself.

"Thank you..." i said, honestly." Thank you for helping me.."

"Uh.. it's okay.." Yoongi inched away , looking partly embarrassed and partly horrified. " You're a good kid. Hoseok is lucky to have you." He said softly.

I sighed. I gripped the chair and levered myself up. There would be time enough to think about all this. For now, I needed a nap.

Author’s Note : Be sure to follow me for updates. :) 

[teenage-hysteria]

High School- matthew gray gubler - nsfw

Matthew and Aria had been best friends since college, their college was in New York City, and for a girl like Aria, a small-town girl from a suburb in Portland, the big city blew her mind. Halfway through their college education, after a night of particularly steamy sex they had decided to date, which obviously didn’t last, unfortunately neither did their friendship. When college had finished Matthew went into acting, Aria went into teaching drama. Aria had fallen in love with the city almost as fast as she had fallen in love with Matthew. “Right kids, we have a very special guest coming to give you all an acting masterclass” Aria, or Miss Williams as the juniors in her class called her “Now, I don’t know who he is or his name, but i’m told he is quite a famous actor” Almost instantly after Aria had informed her class of what was going to happen, the principal and the special guest arrived in the room. “Miss Williams, I’d like to introduce you too Mr Gubler” Mr Evans, the old, balding principal informs Aria. “Nice to meet you” Aria says shaking his hand “Mr Gubler” “Please call me Matthew” He smiles “It’s exciting to be here” The lesson had been going on for what like forever for Aria, it was excruciating, seeing him again after so many years, it was safe to say that the once floppy haired dorky kid was now a man - who was still ridiculously dorky, which was one the reasons she fell in love with him in the first place. “Aria?” A voice said, almost a whisper but still loud enough to snap Aria out of her thoughts “What are you doing here?” “I work here, Matthew” She says bluntly, instantly regretting her tone “I don’t know what to say, shouldn’t you be with the kids?” “I set them a task” Matthew says sitting on the edge of Aria’s desk, knocking over a pencil pot “shit, sorry” “I thought I was over you” She smiles weakly “I saw you walk through that door and all those feelings came back” “Aria, You’re blushing” He laughs lightly “You’re still as beautiful as you were in college” Before she could search her brain for an answer, the lunch bell went. “See you tomorrow guys” She says enthusiastically as the class leaves. “What are you doing now?” He asks trying to break the tension in the room “Other than teaching” “Helping my sister plan her wedding” She says, smiling to herself “She’s getting married in a couple of months” “Casey?” He laughs “I can’t see any man ever being able to make her settle down” “What’s the life of a big time fancy actor like?” She asks, still feeling extremely awkward, last time they saw each other, Aria was 20 almost 21, Matthew in fact was only a few months older than her, and she was throwing all of his stuff out of her dorm room. “Actually surprisingly boring, the acting is fun” He sighs “It’s hard to find a relationship, I never know if people want me for my money” “That sucks” She says resting her hand on his arm “Do you want to go out for lunch?” “Sure, that’ll be nice” He laughs "There's only a small niche of people who recognise me, which is nice" Aria took him to all little coffee shop on west 38th street, that she visited all the time, she always had Chai Latte with a shot of syrup, oddly enough Matthew often came here when he was back from filming in LA but had clearly missed Aria every time. "I love this place, they do amazing red velvet cupcakes" Aria says "I would eat them for the rest of my life" That was one of the many things Matthew loved about her, she over exaggerated so much, everyone in LA knew who she was, admittedly he was rarely not talking about her. He stared at her and remembered everything that they'd ever done together, her crystal, sky blue eyes held secrets only he knew, like the time they thought it would be a good idea to 'experiment' in the bedroom and Matthew ended up with a faint burn scar on his chest from the candle wax - he specifically remembered that it was in fact a red candle that smelt like cherries, or the time that he had walked from his dorm to hers at 4am because she called him saying she had period cramps and needed him. "Earth to Matthew" Aria laughs as he focuses back on her, redness rising in his cheeks showing his embarrassment of being caught staring at her. "Sorry" He chuckles rubbing at the back of his chocolate brown hair "What were you saying?" "I was asking what it's like working in LA, I've always wanted to go there" She says before taking a sip of her chai latte. "It's amazing, I love the vibes" He smiles thinking about home "My place is pretty cool, I have like this whole wardrobe for kimonos" "Kimonos?" She says face contorting as she tries not to laugh. Matthew picking up on the obvious hilarity of his admission "They're very versatile" She looked at him at saw the little details of his face, she could tell he was freshly shaved, he had a slightly pink sensitive area on his jaw, which Aria noticed had become more defined since they had last seen each other, she looked at his face and kind of missed the little baby fat that he had in college, everything about him had changed, He was older, he would have been 36, Aria knew his birthday was in March, it was almost her 36th birthday, She thought she had aged particularly badly, she saw crows feet every time she looked in the mirror, the city and her students were keeping her mentally young but she noticed Matthew had a few crows feet around his eyes and a few faint laugher lines, he had infectious laughter. "Now you're staring, Aria" he smiles as the cashier/waitress brought over two red velvet cupcakes "I remembered before you even mentioned them" Her eyes lit up at the extremely over the top cupcake in front of her. "Thank you" she smiles kindly before taking a bite out the cupcake "This is so good" "Come here" Matthew says leaning over the table towards Aria with a paper napkin "You have some frosting on your nose" "Now you have frosting on your shirt" Aria laughs pointing towards the garish purple shirt that had a pattern on it that took her straight back to the 90s that now had a big chocolatey smudge on it "Fuck" he jokingly facepalms "I have to be in your class this afternoon too" "I think I might have an old boyfriends shirts at my place you can borrow" She laughs trying not to stare at the chocolate covered shirt. "It might be a bit too normal" Matthew walked into her apartment, completely shocked that it was so clean, Aria was the messy one in their relationship, out of her student loan she brought an easel, canvas and paint, whereas most college students spend their money on alcohol, she never drank. But now her apartment was white, everything was white, she had accent colours of blue and black. Her walls were covered in art, some he could tell she had painted, others, more like framed prints hung symmetrically. There was two identical canvases hung on the wall behind the sofa, one was of a young couple, hand in hand walking down an almost never ending road. The man, had floppy brown hair, and he was wearing a strange coloured shirt, the attention to detail in the painting was unbelievable, Matthew could even see that the man in the painting had mismatched socks on. The girl was much shorter and had blonde hair that was brown at the roots. "That's us" Aria says from behind Matthew snapping him out of his thoughts "when we were in college, the other one I painted when we were at college" she adds, Matthew's gaze shifting to look at the other painting. It was exactly the same as the first one, except the fact the couple had now become adults, beside them stood two children and a dog. "I always thought we'd stay together" she sighs "those are our children, one boy, Kit and one girl, Dahlia." So many thoughts were rushing around Matthew's head but all he could manage to say, in a monotone voice was "What about the dog?" "He was going to be a Chocolate Labrador called Floppy, because when we grew up your hair wouldn't be so floppy so we adopted him and called him floppy, to remind us of your floppy, chocolate coloured hair." She sighs, smiling weekly "here's the shirt" "Thanks" he says having forgotten about the sticky mess of a shirt that he was wearing. "How long are you in town for?" Aria asks "I can get your shirt washed before you go back" "That would be amazing, I'm only here for a week so I'm in a hotel" he says walking from the kitchen to what he assumed was the bathroom "Get changed in my room, there's more space than the bathroom" She laughs "You'll probably break something the bathroom is that small" Matthew obliges and heads to the door Aria pointed at. Inside was the Aria he knew, paint drops splashed randomly on the floor, a canvas stood atop an easel, as he looked closer he could see the faint pen marks 'M&A' surrounded by a heart, he remembered that the first thing she did when she brought it was write their initials on it, because of course she was young and in love. A couple of minutes had passed when the door opened wide on a half-naked Matthew. "I'm sorry, but I've been dying to do this since you walked into my class" Aria says walking up to Matthew before crashing her lips onto his, Matthew, shocked at what was happening, pulled back. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks staring intently into her blue eyes that were such a stark difference to his. Aria nods before pushing her lips onto his for a second time, this time their lips moved in sync, hands roaming over each other's bodies. Aria allowed Matthew to pull her black Peter Pan collared dress from her body and over her head leaving her only in her white lace underwear, They both kicked their shoes and socks off, discarding them in the pile containing her dress and the shirts Matthew has dropped when her lips first joined his. "Jesus Aria, you are as beautiful as the day I last saw you" He says before pulling off his own jeans, whilst Aria discarded her underwear, both of them now showing more skin. Matthew made his way to Aria's heat "God, you're soaking" He chuckles before before taking one, long lick up her slit. The sharp intake of breath told him that she was enjoying it, as he entered two fingers in her, she let out out an earth shattering moan, it was often the case at college that both of them would orgasm just from foreplay and never actually get to the sex part. "My turn" She says prompting Matthew to sit up and wriggle to the end of her bed where she soon joined on her knees in front of him "You're going to love this" She says revealing a little plastic looking vibrator, placing it on the bed next to him, she tells him to lift his bum so she could pull down his boxer-briefs "Someone's excited" she adds, referencing the member that was twitching and dripping with pre-cum in front of her "You aren't allowed to come until I say" Matthew wasn't disappointed with the fact that Aria hadn't lost her dominance, in college she always took control and she was no different now. She placed the vibrator at the base of his manhood with one hand before wrapping her lips around his tip, Matthew tried to moan but what came out his mouth was more of a whimper followed by an attempt to say her name, but the attention she was paying to his already aching cock rendered him completely speechless, he didn't think he could get any harder. She pulled away for a brief moment to utter the words 'do not come yet' and although he was finding it very hard, he obliged. She teased the vibrator up the most prominent vein running from the top to bottom of his member. "I can't" he pants, voice cracking making Aria chuckle sending more vibrations down his trembling cock. He was now a whimpering mess with his hands entwined in Aria's hair. "Please" Matthew whines "Please let me come" She ignores his request as she moves the vibrator to his balls, tightened by his need to come and takes all of him in her mouth gagging slightly at his length before quickly moving her mouth off of his manhood. "Come" she orders before returning to wrapping her lips around his tip just in time for the loudest whimper to come out of his mouth before he released in hers. "We really should be getting back to the school now"

[3one3]

The Sequel - 778

Questions & Some Answers

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea players, and random awesome OC’s

(okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Do you want me to reply to them directly, do the period and copy their name, or retweet and do the answer in the box?”

“Retweet.”

“English for English questions, German for German questions?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, ready?”

“Fire away.”

Christina owed Tim a Twitter Q&A to “thank” her fans for their support throughout the year. She’d been putting it off for days. Wednesday was unexpectedly rainy, cold, and dreary, and seemed like an okay time to extend her lunch break and answer some questions online- only a toasty warm little boy fell asleep on her at her desk after she ate, and made it impossible for her to operate her new computer. Luckily his dad was around to help. André was in charge of reading the questions and typing her answers.

“Are your jackets childrens’ size or custom? I’m petit too and can’t find any that fit as good as yours look.”

“Custom by adidas and Pikeur.”

“Which horse show is your favorite and why?”

“Hampton Classic in New York, because it has the best rings, the best location, the best behind the scenes atmosphere, and the best shopping. That’s going to be such an unpopular answer,” the rider chuckled.

“Why?”

“Because no one in Europe has ever heard of it.”

“Okay, next one. Saw you were at a Chelsea match this week! Chelsea or Borussia Dortmund?”

“Pass.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think Germany will win a gold medal in jumping at the Olympics this summer?”

“We better.”

“Are you sure you want to come out that strong?” André asked, hesitant on her behalf. “You don’t want to go with “I hope so” or “We’re capable”? Something like that?”

“Nope.”

“Do you play any regular sports?”

“Competitive napping.”

“Favorite teammate?”

“Dirk.”

“How many hours per week do you train out of the saddle?”

“Hmm...maybe 8? Does that sound right? I usually do 6 days a week, at least an hour a day, and sometimes two.”

“I’ll say “about 8”. Umm...Which of your horses is going to have the biggest year?”

“Pass.”

“Who is someone who inspires you?”

“Sebastian Vettel, because he looks at everything to try to improve, even the smallest details of life, and loves what he does.”

“If you could invite any 10 people to a dinner party, who is at the table?”

“Mourinho, Seb, Elon Musk, the Men in Blazers. Make sure you tag them. It’s @meninblazers. Uhh...Bill Clinton. Brad Pitt and George Clooney, you, and Juan.”

“Do you want me to tag Juan?”

“Yeah. I’m sure he’s dying to have dinner with Mou.”

“Is it true your brother is a better rider than you?”

“Yes.”

“What is your favorite flatwork exercise?”

“Check the clinic section of my website. You can give the link.”

“Do you believe in unicorns?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Finally.”

“What?”

“Usually you’re funny with these answers,” André pointed out, sitting back in his chair away from the laptop. “Usually everything is sarcastic and funny, or silly. It’s part of your charm. These serious answers are so boring.” Kind of like how she’s been all day, he thought. His girl was quiet throughout the morning in the gym and in the kitchen, and then he brought her lunch to the barn and she was still quiet, and not even in a pensive or weighted sort of way. He didn’t think she was troubled about anything, or deep in thought. She was just boring and flat. And he hoped that would improve later on when they went on their quadruple family bowling date with Juan and his cousins and Taylor, Azpi and his wife and kids, and the Hazard clan.

“Well usually I can scan the questions myself and pick out ones that can be answered in a humorous way,” she shrugged. “Look for something really stupid, and I’ll try to be funny.”

“I’m skipping the really stupid ones. People ask the dumbest things that you would never answer. I’ve counted at least 20 “Who is better in bed” questions about me and Juan, and another 30 just about private things about me. I don’t think you want to bother with things like “How much time does André spend getting ready in the morning”.”

“Oh, yeah I do!” she sniggered. “Answer that one. Say that it’s two hours, with 90 minutes on the hair alone.”

“No!”

“Then don’t complain that I’m not being funny.”

“Fine.” He rolled his eyes but inside he was glad to see her smile at least while she slowly swiveled side to side with Lukas asleep on her shoulder.

“What is the best reward/treat for competition horses?”

“Pretzels (hard and soft), Lifesaver mints, chocolate candy bars, hot dogs, beer, champagne, bananas. They’ll think I’m kidding, but I’m not.”

“Hazard of Griezmann?”

“Reus.”

“Heyyyyy. What am I?” The in-house player turned over his bottom lip and switched on his saddest puppy dog eyes.

“You’re too cheesy an answer, babe. Sorry. The real answer is Eden anyway. You said you wanted more fun answers. This is more fun!”

“What is the hardest grand prix in the world?”

“The one you’re not prepared for.”

“Oooo, I like that.”

“It’s true.”

“Would you rather win gold at Olympics and never win another show again, or get nothing at Olympics and win everything else?”

“Skip.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s a terrible question. Skip.”

“This kid wants to know if you’ll go to his school’s Valentines dance with him.”

“Ask him if he’s cute and behaves like a gentleman.”

“Who is your favorite non-jumping rider in the world?”

“Michael Jung.”

“Who?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“How does it feel to have fans? Is it more pressure or do you like it?”

“Pass.”

“What age did you start riding?”

“18 months.”

“Tell us a secret,” André read from the screen with a smile.

“Some days I wake up and I don’t want to do this. It’s not the work- I’m not afraid of work. I just don’t know if I even care.”

“And that would be the kind of thing I was talking about when I say you don’t tell me anything anymore.” He picked up the computer and moved it aside. He was ready for a serious conversation. “Why are you taking on more and more horses if you don’t even know if you want to do what you do?”

“It’s not a big deal,” the rider groaned, her eyes trying to focus on the face sleeping on her instead of the face studying her from across the desk. “Don’t you ever wake up and question your career? It doesn’t mean anything.”

“No, I don’t. I don’t ever wake up not wanting to be a football player. I wake up and don’t want to go to training sometimes, sure, but that’s not the same thing, Prinzessin. How long have you felt this way?”

“Years.”

“Come on.”

“I’m serious. Ever since right after the WEG, sometimes I don’t know if I really care about this nonsense,” Christina relented, gesturing through her window into the barn aisle. “Dirk was off that summer. It was the beginning of his decline. He is the reason I do this. He’s what I care about. I skipped the Nations Cup Final that year because I knew he couldn’t go and I didn’t care about it if I couldn’t take him. And he has never been the same, so yes, once in a while I wake up and think that I don’t want to compete anymore, because there’s no point. I get up and I do it on the basis that I still have the Olympics. I still have a chance to give him the legacy he deserves.”

“How come we don’t talk about it? I know how important Tokyo is to you and how much you want a medal for him, but you’ve never said it like this. I don’t understand how you have things like this going on inside for years and you never...confide in me.” This is so frustrating, the BVB man thought, surprised, confused, and dejected. He was upset with his wife for not sharing a problem that had to be fundamental to all of her other problems, and upset with himself for not detecting it on his own. It felt like she just opened up an enormous can of worms out of nowhere, and he didn’t know how to handle it. He focused on her keeping it from him for so long because he didn’t know what else to say. He had no idea what it was like to question one’s purpose in life.

“Because no one can tell me what to feel! No one can change what happens in my head. Talking isn’t going to get rid of periodic doubts. It doesn’t help me or change anything to hit you with a pillow when I wake up and say that I don’t know if I feel like competing anymore. It’s just me. I’m the only one who matters in this scenario. And it doesn’t even matter because I’m never going to finish the 5 minutes of staring at the ceiling and questioning my life by deciding to change it. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I quit. I’m terrified of regret. It isn’t going to happen. I will keep going until I am sure I don’t want to anymore, not change something because I occasionally feel like I couldn’t care less about it.” This is no different than my situation with him and Juanin, Christina added to herself. I can’t ever decide to leave one for the other because I’m afraid of the consequences and afraid I’ll regret it. It’s a theme.

“Still, you could tell me. You could just say that you have that question but you know it isn’t going to make you quit. I just- I wish- I don’t know. I get this bad, anxious feeling when I find out something I should have known.” Her partner looked at her with imploring and still very sad eyes. They hurt her. The whole conversation did, and she had no idea what made her answer the Twitter question the way she had. She had no idea if she knew inside that André would be surprised, or if she wanted to have to explain it so that someone would know, or if it was just a foolish mistake. She definitely didn’t intend to upset him though. “I try to tell you everything happening with me, even if it’s hard to say or I know you won’t like it. It can change things. You understand something I say in a different way than if you didn’t know all of the background. Maybe I understand better everything you do if I know that sometimes you don’t know if you care about your career. It matters.”

“Yeah but what happens when you know about the doubts and someday I say that I’m sick of something and I don’t know what to do and then you decide to remind me of the doubts because you want me home more and it would be easier for you if I quit? I would always be thinking that. Everything I say colors everything everybody says back to me. It’s so annoying. No one ever has unbiased input to give. Ugh,” the rider groaned, loud enough to wake her son. “I hate everything. I hate talking about everything. I hate thinking. I just want to do things for a while and not think about them. I want out of my head. I want everyone else out of it too, and I want out of theirs. You know what it’s like when you’re waiting for the transfer news and you can’t focus on anything and all you can do is hold your phone and anxiously worry about every part of your life? I have that feeling all the time, only I’m not just waiting on a phone call that I know will eventually come. I don’t know what the thing will be that gives me an answer, and I don’t know when or if it’s coming.”

“Do you want to go away for a little? We could leave tomorrow and spend New Years in a cabin, or on a beach. What about New York?”

“No, babe. Thank you for trying to help but my GPS location doesn’t make a difference. I am trapped in my head no matter where I am. I know because I’ve been stuck there for half a year already and I’ve visited 7 countries in that time, been at home alone, been at your home with you, been at horse shows, been on holiday, and everything in between. It never changes.” To be fair, the closest I’ve come to turning my head off was frolicking around Mallorca on a sort of holiday, but that was with Juan.

“Okay, then what about talking to someone else? What if the way to get out of your head and not have to hear biased input on what’s in there is to speak with someone who isn’t involved in your life?”

“I am not seeing a therapist. Get it through your thick German skull,” Christina suggested pointedly as she shifted Lukas onto her knee so she could offer him a drink. He was awake but still sleepy.

“But why not?” his dad asked back pleadingly. He was going at full speed inside trying to think of a way to help her feel better. He tried to imagine what it would feel like to be trapped in his own head. Obviously her transfer analogy was relevant to him, but she was right to point out that there was a distinctive end to that stress and uncertainty. There was a spell in his life, right before he met her, when he experienced something like the indefinite situation she described, predominantly because he was lonely and had no exit valve for the problems that plagued his mind. It made him feel stressed all the time, and made it hard to sleep, and even when he was having fun he felt weighed down. “There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of people and many of the best athletes see a therapist. We have them on staff at every club I’ve ever played for, and they have a huge role in the national team.”

“It’s not that. I’m just sick of talking about everything. The last thing I want to do is try to explain my entire life to somebody. As useless as it is to talk to someone involved in it, it’s pointless to try to get help from someone who doesn’t understand all the context. Please, just drop this. Just forget about it. Let’s do a few more questions and then I have to ride.” Please. She returned his pleading expression and André had to give up. It was too hard to inflict anything on her that produced that kind of look- like she was in some kind of personal agony. It was not his intention to hurt her more to try to do something about the constant hurt. I’ll let it go for now but I need to come up with a strategy that will convince her, he decided after nodding and shifting the computer back in front of him. I really do think it would help her to talk to someone who doesn’t have a stake in what happens. She doesn’t trust the advice I try to give because she thinks I’m being self-serving, and that’s kind of terrible actually but I guess I understand it. It was becoming clear to him why Christina didn’t believe moving to Dortmund was going to fix everything. Her problems were a lot less literal and tangible than he imagined.

“Will you do any clinics this coming year?” he read from one of the Twitter users.

“I haven’t been invited to do any, but it’s not impossible.”

“You could do one at the new place if that’s something you want to do again,” André pointed out. “There are plenty of stalls.”

“So I can invite another psycho into our private life? No thank you.”

“Okay. How about...Who is your favorite jumping sire currently available to breed to?”

“This might have to be a two-part answer. In terms of producers of horses that are winning at the top right now, Casall, For Pleasure, Cornet Obolensky. But Dirk has sired the most approved foals and the earners of the highest scores at stallion inspections among the last couple crops of babies.”

André asked her to repeat the answer because he couldn’t type all of that quickly enough. She said it again, slower, and then announced that she was finished with the Q&A. Lukas got a kiss and André got Lukas, and Christina left to find one of her guys to get a horse ready for her.

“Wanna go home and play? Get a snack?” he asked the little blonde deposited in his lap. “Let’s go. You have to help me think of something nice to do for Mommy. I think the only thing she really likes right now is when you sit with her and give her kisses. She loves you so much.”

“Mommy love,” Lukas mumbled, more interested in trying to get a pen off the desk than whatever Dad was trying to say. Dad rubbed his head a little and then put his hat back on so they could go up to the house.

What could I do for her that would show her I understand how she feels right now, and make it a bit better for at least a little while, he wondered once they were home and stripped out of all their extra barn layers. It would have to be something really distracting, that gives her joy for more than an hour. I can’t get her another puppy. We already have too many animals. It’s the wrong time of the year for a Ferrari. She has everything she wants and needs. So it shouldn’t be a thing. It should be an action, or a gesture. Is the dishwasher clean? I could start by emptying that for her. She hates doing that. But I need something bigger. The player parked himself in his usual spot on the couch with a soft and fuzzy blanket and switched on the TV to find some DVR’d basketball or something else interesting but not too captivating. Lukas was on the floor with lots of toys and could entertain himself. His father wanted to really put some thought into Christina’s description of what she was feeling.

She won’t say so, but if she really means that she feels everything is up in the air and she doesn’t know what’s going to happen in any part of her life, it means me too. Otherwise she would just say she doesn’t know what’s coming with her riding, and with the move. It has to be me too. I’m half her life. Under my umbrella is Lukas, her home, her money, and safety. I’ve got the sense all along that I’m one of the things she’s not entirely sure about, so I can’t pretend I’m newly hurt here, the player reasoned while trying to get his socked feet tucked tight in the blanket. I should probably actually be relieved that she doesn’t act around Juan like she’s getting ready to leave me for him. It didn’t look like that all. But maybe inside she isn’t sure where she belongs because he’s been there for her so much lately and I’ve been making her crazy. I guess...I guess the best gesture I could make to show I understand and want to help is to let her stay here until the house is finished. She’s so worried about living in the apartment making everything harder. I want to believe that she’s trying to look out for us, like she doesn’t want to leave me and is afraid of making the situation worse because that would push her away more.

It’s almost like she’s afraid of herself, actually. She’s afraid to find out what she really wants, whether it’s her relationship or riding. She’s afraid to find out if she really wants him instead of me, and afraid to find out if she could be happy not competing. There are so many possible downsides to the choices. She thinks of everything, from every angle, and I can see how that could be maddening and prohibitive. I make big decisions with my heart. And now I’m 6 months into my big decision and I realize I could have involved my head a little more, but I would still make the same choice I think. I’m still on the right path at Dortmund. Chris doesn’t operate that way. I just don’t know how to calm down her need to analyze everything, and the doubts, and this cycle where she’s unhappy so she thinks of how to fix it but the things she comes up with are even more stressful than the stuff making her unhappy so it gets worse. And most of all I wish I could make her ride at whatever level she would find acceptable. Seeing her struggle with the horses is the worst. That might get worse too if she moves into the apartment right away. It’s already going to be tough to get settled into the new barn, and get used to it. I’ll tell her it’s okay with me if she wants to stay here until the house is ready. Then she’ll know I get it and I’m not trying to make anything harder, or force my remedy for her problems on her. And I need to take her on a real date, somewhere really nice. We have the bowling thing tonight and we’re spending all day with the family tomorrow so she’ll probably want to eat home. We could go Friday. Saturday is New Year’s Eve though. Let’s go tomorrow, and eat here Friday. I wanted to do a nice dinner out with Mama and Papa at some point but I guess that can wait.

While André claimed the last available table at the Lecture Room & Library at Sketch at 9:40 on Thursday night, Christina accepted pony nuzzles from Nick, who was waiting for his groom to finish readying him for a flat school because he needed to switch the saddle from the incoming Calvin. The two of them had such big shoulders that only one of her CWD’s fit them really comfortably. Isandro usually scheduled them non-consecutively so that there was no wait. He liked to have the next horse ready for Christina to lead away as soon as she returned one to him, or to be able to deliver the next one to her in the ring. She picked the order that afternoon. The darker and more handsome of her Hanoverian stallions sniffed and blew hot air at her neck, and rubbed his chin on her shoulder. He was always looking for human affection, and she liked to give it to him. His recovery from the surgery was going well. He didn’t lose much fitness during the layoff and felt great every day. His rider remained patient, not wanting to do too much with him too soon just because he felt fine. Nick was the oldest of her lot, with the most jumps on his legs. Planning for his retirement wouldn’t be that far off. It was reassuring to Christina that he didn’t seem to mind being home and doing nothing. He wasn’t the type to go stir-crazy just living on the farm. For some horses the transition to retirement from competition can be difficult, stressful, and sad to have to watch. Some just need the mental stimulation of variety- of not being in the same place, doing the same thing, day after day- and some genuinely miss the “stage”. Nick didn’t care. Dirk missed both things when he was sidelined for so long.

She didn’t know how she would cope if she decided to retire herself- if she would be a Nick or a Dirk. The question was never far from her mind in recent months. All prior experience and evidence suggested she was more Dirk than Nick, but even Dirk got over his homebound unhappiness eventually, so she wondered if she could too. Both horses would retire from horse showing long before retiring from riding, so they would still feel a sense of purpose and their day to day lives wouldn’t change that match. They’d still be ridden at home most days, and still get regular grooming, and close to their regular rations. Work would decrease over time, likely many years, and then they could just spend their days turned out once the body said it was time. That still wasn’t that much different. It wouldn’t be a radical lifestyle change for them. For Christina, quitting her job meant having nothing to do for half of her working lifespan. She didn’t know what else she would do that would give her purpose. Parenting wasn’t enough. If she was going to train, then she figured she might as well still compete since the travel would still be the same. There were no real ideas for a second legitimate career floating around her head. So in the meantime she piled on the workload in her current career, and had getting Nick ready to compete again as a top goal because he’d allow her to wage war on all the different fronts she wanted, in all the different series, championships, and cup competitions- all of which was meant to give her the best chance to win gold medals with Dirk, not to feed a passion or give her a sense of accomplishment, and that was the problem with it all.