#Was listening to music and a song that I associate with my old partner person came on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

howtotrainyournana · 2 years

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All We Do anon here, this first part is directed to both you and the da capo anon—I would highly, highly recommend taking a listen to "Sun" and "Taste" if you haven't already. Please. They're songs that, like All We Do, are very much celebrations of humanity (which is also what I associate with this blog).

Oh I love SAL's Enneagram songs too! My favorites are 1, 5, 8, and 9. That's literally almost half of the songs but who cares?! It's all so good.

I am very bad at music. I have learned how to play instruments before but I have very poor relative pitch and my rhythm is always slightly too fast. Also not a singer. All this to say that while I don't quite relate to your perspective on SAL's work when it comes to personal renditions of it I still find it really interesting! SAL is one of those artists I'm very very hesitant to share with other people because of how precious they are to me, so I don't really get to hear others' thoughts on them.

Also I can't believe I didn't make the connection to Neptune! Da capo anon thank you for picking up the slack on my end!

I have not had the chance to listen to the playlists yet because 1) I don't use Spotify and must familiarize myself with it and 2) combined they are over 8.5 hours long. I have looked through the songlists though and would like to say: The Oh Hellos!! The Crane Wives!! I love them both!!! They both have such wonderful songs (and you have such wonderful taste!)!!! Also:

I see you have "Hello My Old Heart" in one playlist. Have you heard the most recent version? If not, I'd highly recommend it. It has a very different feel to it but it is also amazing.

I've recently been rediscovering my love for the Crane Wives so I'm just going to list A Bunch Of Songs: Take Me to War, I Talk in My Sleep, Never Love an Anchor, Allies or Enemies, Tongues and Teeth, Metaphor, High Horse, Empty Page, The Garden, and so so much more. These are all very different songs, but they're all very very good.

Since it's tradition now (if twice can count as such), I'll recommend another artist! Hozier!!! He has a lot of good music too! I wouldn't say it shares the same vibes as SAL or All We Do (and that applies to a lot of the Crane Wives songs as well), but I would absolutely still deem them amazing. Some of my favorite Hozier songs are "Nina Cried Power," "In the Woods Somewhere," "Like Real People Do," "Shrike," "Almost," "From Eden," and "Movement."

I realize now that this is legitimately a ridiculous number of songs to recommend all at once but I do genuinely mean it when I say they are all wonderful (although since they differ quite greatly from SAL and "All We Do I" I can't exactly promise you'll love all of them).

This is getting a bit too long so I'm just going to add that I'm very very happy that you also shared the playlist for hold me softly!! It's another series of yours that I love greatly and I didn't expect to see it in your response so the fact that it was there made me very very happy!

May you also be very very happy!

omg omg omg you have NO IDEA how happy this ask is making me right now!!! I was literally gushing about you and da capo anon to my partner earlier when we were chatting about fic and writing and how nice it is to get feedback / enthusiasm from other people!!!!! no but truly, you and da capo anon have given me some energy back when it comes to writing, and specifically for the fics you both have given me feedback for and engagement with. This past year or two is the first time in my life I've actually had the mental time and space to really build good daily writing habits, and this fandom and these fics I've been working on have been the first time I've been able to tackle and accomplish big writing tasks and actually, you know . . . accomplish them. It's been a fun bit of growth to go through, and I mean that genuinely. Thank you for being a part of it.

(also the fact that you and da capo anon and I are having a full conversation through asks is making me cackle with joy because it's so fun)

I HAVE SEEN THE NEW VERSION OF "HELLO MY OLD HEART". I LITERALLY SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING TO MY FRIEND ABOUT IT WHILE ON A DATE WITH HER, AND YELLING ABOUT THE FIRST VERSION AND THE DIFFERENCES AND MEANINGS, AND SHE WAS JUST GRINNING THE WHOLE TIME. IT WAS FANTASTIC.

I do a lot of singing while I work, and a lot of my repertoire is The Oh Hellos and The Crane Wives, among other traditional folk songs. Folk music my absolute beloved. Scribefindegil here on Tumblr has a great catalog of folk and filk (fiction folk music) and I highly recommend checking out all the stuff she and Nate (astriiformes) have done. Eregyrn also has lots of good recommendations for folk and filk on her blog, and also awesome art. There are lots of others who have lots of really great stuff - I've reblogged a decent amount of folk and filk music at some point or another, so if you search it on my blog it should be tagged. Lots of neat stuff and creative people!!!

More music to check out!! Bless you!

Hozier's music is great - I've listened to a lot of his stuff off-and-on, but I'll have to put your recommendations on my work playlists so I can listen to them again.

All We Do anon I am hugging you with all my might, the fact you hold me softly makes my heart light up with glee. It is and always will be my baby in terms of fics and fic series, because it was my first real foray back into fic writing after several big life changes. It's also the first big story I've ever composed that's actually made it onto paper and not just spent time as spoken or imagined tales. There's so much more still to come in that world and that story, and with some luck and hard work I will get to tell it. I hope you'll be patient with me until I can.

For now - in return for your benevolence, have a section from the next installment of hold me softly. Title and excerpt under the cut.

An excerpt from the fic "so build me a cottage of sunlight and stone" from the fic series "hold me softly (kill me softer)" by howtotrainyournana on Ao3.

Summary: On the residence of king Eret in the cottage of one Dream. Or: Dream earns the last name “Was Taken” by kidnapping a king. Dream is not amused. Eret, however, is having a great time.

. . .

Eret did not wake up this morning expecting to be kidnapped.

To be fair, it has been a very long time since someone has tried, so he doesn’t usually wake up expecting to be kidnapped. He thinks he’s a fairly good king, all things considered; he’s neutral in all conflicts, but not uninvolved. He seeks peace and fairness and justice, and he sees to his people and his lands and their needs. He holds a hands-off approach for most things, preferring to give people their freedom so long as they are good to each other. It’s been a good approach for staving off kidnappings and assassinations and other unpleasantness that generally comes with being a monarch, even one in name but not function.

So, the kidnapping is a surprise.

He’s blindfolded, which is inconvenient, but his ears aren’t muffled and he’s not gagged. He flexes his wrists and shuffles his legs and is pleasantly surprised to find that while his arms are bound, his legs are not. He doesn’t know if he was drugged or not, because while he remembers going to sleep he doesn’t remember being tied up or transported, and he’s quite sure he would have woken up at some point during all that. He’s not a heavy sleeper.

Eret takes a moment to try and suss out what he’s laying on – something soft, maybe a bed? There’s a pillow under his head and he thinks he’s laying on old quilts by the feel of them, so probably yes. It’s very comfortable. He listens closely to the sounds around him, but when all he hears is birdsong and a breeze through windows and the distant sound of running water, he figures it’s safe to reach up and undo his blindfold.

He blinks in the light and takes in the cottage around him.

It’s a small thing, one room, and stuffed full to the brim with just . . . everything. Every bit of space is meticulously utilized, and Eret’s rather impressed. The rafters are hung with baskets and herbs and meats, hooks and shelves fill every wall, and the windows open outward to give more space inside. The door is open too, which is a pleasant surprise.

Eret stands – on steady feet, so a drugging seems unlikely, which begs the question of how he got here – and wanders about the room. The most curious thing about the whole place is the costumes – and the masks. There’s a little dining table absolutely crammed with sewing supplies. There’s a little redstone-driven sewing machine of a design he’s never seen before.

He might try to figure out how to take it with him.

There’s spools of thread and stacks of neatly-folded fabric and a pincushion absolutely glittering with needles. Thimbles and buttons and hooks and clasps peek out from an overflowing sewing basket on the back of the table, and a half-empty bag of stuffing and scraps is stuffed haphazardly itself under the table next to the little stool. There are costumes in various states of completeness folded or hung up or laid out around the sewing corner, but what really draws Eret’s eyes are the masks.

There’s a delicate golden mask with curling ram’s horns. There’s a feathered half-mask, all black and silver and with a wicked beak. There’s a monkey mask, and a fish, and a horse, and a dog, and one with a strange geometric pattern that’s hard to look at. One is split neatly down the middle, half black, half white. One is a simple white porcelain circle with a smiley face on it; another is nearly its mirror image, but the mouth is open and laughing. Another yet is the smile turned sideways, another only a smile with no eyes at all. There is a beautiful blue mask of scales and fur, another of white bone and sharp teeth and six horns. There is a mask that is simply a smooth black dome, reflecting the beholder back at themselves. Eret gets lost in it for a moment, or maybe longer than a moment, because he startles back into awareness when something soft brushes past his legs. The light has shifted a bit, crept that much closer to midday.

There is a calico cat purring and rubbing against his legs.

“Oh, hello there little one, I didn’t see you there,” he says, bending down to pet her. She purrs louder. He pulls his hand away, and she meows in protest, so he gives a chuckle and sits on the rug, patting his leg. She walks over his lap and begins kneading bread on his legs, purring like a motor.

“Nice place you have here,” Eret remarks. “I don’t suppose you’re the one who kidnapped me, are you?”

“No, that would be me,” says a voice from the doorway, and Eret startles again. The cat leaps off his lap and runs over to the man at the door. He scoops her up in his arms and pets her, tilting a masked face and very obviously considering the king seated on his floor. The mask is a pale wood, Eret notes, with a smile similar to the porcelain ones. There are thin, branching antlers reaching out from the crown of the mask.

“Did you have a good rest, Your Majesty?” the man asks, and his voice is familiar.

“I did, thank you for asking,” Eret replies. It never hurts to be polite to your captors. “Who might you be?”

The man tilts his head the other direction, and Eret can tell that he’s smiling even though he can’t see a bit of his face.

“Myself,” the man says, like it’s an inside joke between the two of them. Eret feels like he should know him, but for the life of him he can’t place the voice.

“And who might she be,” Eret asks, gesturing at the cat purring in the man’s arms.

“That’s me,” the man says, laughter in his voice.

“So I guess that makes me I, does it?” Eret jokes back.

“No, that’s me,” the man says, pointing at the cat, “and you are I, not me.”

Eret breaks into a grin.

“I think I might like being kidnapped this time,” he says, and the man laughs.

“Careful, you’ll ruin the reputation I’m trying to build, talking like that.”

The man walks over to the fireplace, depositing the cat on a little climbing shelf on his way. She disappears up into the rafters. The man swings the kettle over the fire. Maybe they’re going to have tea? Eret wouldn’t be opposed to it.

“And what reputation would that be?”

The man keeps fiddling near the kettle. Two porcelain cups get unhooked from the wall; a jar of crushed herbs uncorked; and a gleaming jar of honey opened. Tea it is, then.

“The thief who stole a king,” the man replies.

Eret hums as he stands.

“That’s quite a bold reputation to be seeking. Tell me, what’s it for? Fame? Money? Status? A sense of power?”

The man turns back, steaming mugs of tea in hand. The mask is lifted, pushed upwards into curling dark gold hair. Eret sucks in a breath, because - his eyes. Eret knows those eyes, knows that face, knows that voice. But it's not the Creative God standing before him. Eret knows that, like he knows when the wind will turn and the seasons will shift, like he knows when the tide of battle is reaching a fever pitch, like he knows when his breath stills at last he will breathe anew somewhere different in a new body and an old life.

"Fun," the man says and yes, yes this will be, thinks Eret.

He accepts the tea graciously and grins at his unwitting host, demure and graceful and already plotting. The man grins back. Oh, to be a young fool again. Eret sips his tea again before he speaks. Let the games begin.

"So, what should I call you?"

. . .

#nana answers asks #all we do anon #da capo #hold me softly (kill me softer)#feral bastards au

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jaymber · 1 year

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I do have more questions! All for Gabby (because I love them the most and I’m biased as I also love maelstrom) 14 15 16 25 42 47 48 56 and 59

Hehe, no prob' as long as you're okay with fucked-up characters!

Gabby

14. what is their weapon of choice?

Gabby learnt fencing as a kid, and loved blades ever since. Prior to 2080, they used katanas. Now, theyv’e got mantis blades which allowed some pretty sick moves when they need to defend themself. Since they can’t be hurt in a way that matters, thanks to being part-demon, they prefer close combat.

15. what is their preferred vehicle or transportation of choice?

Thanks to KRNLNIK’s mod, Gabby owns a black and pink Caliburn. They love how comfortable it feels to drive around with it. Gabby parks it in the alleyway near the Totentanz. They only got it stolen a few times!

16. how would you describe their style?

Gabby lives a double life. When they need to be Gabriele Luccessi, they adopt a neokitsch style. When they’re Venere di Luce (their XBD stage name), they opt for skimpy bright outfits to get everyone’s attention on them. Either ways, red and pink suit them well.

25. which radio station(s) is their favorite?

Gabby listens to Ritual FM the most. Death metal wasn’t the kind of music they was allowed when they grew up. They’ve bothered Royce about hiring metal bands for the Totentanz before, but he won’t allow anything that isn’t techno.

42. do they believe in love at first sight?

Gabby doesn’t believe in it, at all. They’d first tell you it’s a childish idea, but if they’re pressed on, they’d ramble on the idea that it isn’t possible to fall for anyone at first sight. Since that person your mind picture as the one is nothing like who they truly are. You don’t know them, their flaws, their past. You fall for an idea in your mind, not a real person.

47. share a headcanon about your character and their partner(s).

!!!tw scarring!!!

To formalize their relationship with Royce, Gabby first wondered about joining Maelstrom before realizing they couldn’t ruin their pretty face. They found another way to be a part of the gang: a tramp stamp. Except it wasn’t made out of ink. It’s a branding scar. Royce was the one to apply it to Gabby with their enthusiastic consent. The iron was plunged in holy water, so the scar could remain… but it took a while to heal, especially since Royce couldn’t stop running his fingers on it.

48. share three songs you associate with your character and their partner(s).

The whole deal with Gabby and Royce is that they're both sadists/masochists leaving an obsessive romance. So here are some songs about problematic love!

Bad for you - George Barnett

‘Cause I'm bad for you And I think you’re bad for me, too

Number 13 - Nothing but Thieves

Give me a kiss like a kick in the teeth My bloody lip never tasted so sweet, oh

Bad As Hell - Friday Pilots Club

Well my girl, she's bad as hell You know a little fucked up now but oh well

56. name three of your characters biggest turn offs.

Gabby doesn’t have that many turn offs, but there are a few things that’d put them off:

Lack of self-confidence

Old-fashioned romance

Oversensitivity

59. what is their wildest sexual experience?

!!!tw choking!!!

I won’t talk about the fucked-up XBDs Gabby played in cause I feel it might be a little too much for the public eye to talk about here, but they promoted one of them at the Totentanz once. A private show of them being passed around various Maelstrom members on stage and ending with them coming as they were getting choked to death. It was a little too wild, and Gabby needed two days to recover. They still do private parties, but less extreme now.

#thanks for the ask about my most recent but most fucked up baby :D #oc: gabby luccessi

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jeonsbwi · 2 years

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hi angel ari, I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend so far! 💞 I once again really enjoyed your answers, and I also once again had to chuckle a bit, because we really seem to be sisters from another mister ahdjfkhk, I just nodded along at everything you said, like YES I also associate jungkook with purple for example!! and I also can’t and will never decide between bear and tiger tae, I refuse to! okay, I came up with new questions for you: if you could spend a day with each of them, what would you like to do? and do you have other dynamics in the group that you adore? also, are there any non-bts songs that you enjoy (I’m just trying to get some music recs here, hehe)? sending you a big kiss, 💌

hello sweet one!! nice to see you around these parts again hehe your asks have become a favorite part of my week 🫶 aaaAA we are truly one and the same!! i'm super excited for you to reveal yourself bc i must know who my twinnie is 😭

*rubs hands together* new questions, i am ready 😈 (putting under a read more since it's long oop)

if i could spend a day with jungkook, i'd love to go out on a nice stroll around the city to window shop and head to different restaurants to eat (preferably for late lunch and dinner since i am NOT a morning person & hardly eat breakfast), then head home to have a cozy night in and play video games with him for the remainder of the night! i really want to play fortnite with him (no builds on fortnite is fun, i swear, and they have 2 dynamite emotes that i DID buy, ok pls don't judge jsjjsknj) 😭 i know he'd be amazing at it. like, c'mon kook, be my duo partner so you can carry me in each game!! lol also would LOVE to see him play dead by daylight to see how he'd do haha

if i could spend a day with taehyung, i'd want to have a spa day, whether at home or at an actual spa, where we both can relax! if we do a spa day at home, i'd love to pamper him and brush/play with his hair. maybe do a manicure for him if he wants and some face masks. we'd def watch some dramas/movies while waiting for takeout to arrive. i'm an introvert that loves spending time at home rather than outside tbh. i think taehyung would enjoy doing something like this with me too! i can def picture him putting on his favorite songs while dancing around with a facemask on and hair tied back lol

as for other dynamics in the group, i am very fond of yoonmin! i've loved their dynamic since day 1. (they were actually the first dynamic i grew to love a week into bts' debut!!) their little grandma/grandpa fights make me laugh/look at them fondly. they overall remind me of an old couple that bickers just to bicker lol not to mention, yoongi has stated multiple times how jimin's voice is his favorite! (yet we STILL DON'T HAVE THE MINIMINI SUBUNIT?!?! we are deprived!!!) the way jimin teases yoongi sometimes makes me giggle way too much. i think it's super cute, i adore them so much!

minimoni. they are SUPER CUTE!!!! their moments make my insides all warm sdjjskj jihope! i feel like this is kind of self-explanatory. jimin followed hobi to lollapalooza, and they were in paris tgt recently! they're extremely supportive of each other in general. i love them :( namjin bc they've been married for 2838209 years. vminkook, my beloved maknaes 🫶 they're all attached to the hip and love/care for one another deeply. they're MY BABIES FR!!!!!

note: i adore every dynamic in bts overall!!! the way each member loves one another makes me believe i'll never find another group that loves each other the way they do.

i'm enjoying newjeans these days! omg has a chokehold on me 😭

some other songs i enjoy:

the list is long, i'm so sorry skkjkjd i hope at least one song is to your liking! you honestly do not have to listen to all of them. what kind of songs do you like, sweet one? let me know in your next ask so i can also recc something that's related to your fave genre!

magic - txt (all their songs are amazing tbh)

every song newjeans has released lol

1004 (angel) - b.a.p

honeymoon - b.a.p

voice message - b.a.p

coffee shop - b.a.p

orange drive - bang yongguk

feel so good - b.a.p

what the hell - b.a.p

i'm a b.a.p stan, forgive me lmfjknasd, i recommend their entire discography atp

beautiful monster - stayc

young luv - stayc

poppy - stayc

cool - nmixx

all red velvet title tracks, b-sides are amazing too!

missing you - 2ne1

shine - jonghyun

touch - nct 127

shakira: bzrp music sessions, vol. 53 - shakira (non-kpop. i am OBSESSED W THIS SONG RN!!! it's in spanish, i hope you don't mind)

shooting star - xg (OBSESSED W THIS TOO)

left right - xg

again, you don't have to listen to all of these since the list is way too long! whichever titles you find interesting, go for! hope your weekend was amazing, sweet one, and that the week ahead goes well!

returning a bigger smooch for you 💖

#mail from 💌#secret valentine #ari answers #i really do love answering these <3 #my secret valentine is lovely ; u ;

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bubblesandgutz · 2 years

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Every Record I Own - Day 750: Man On Man s/t

This is another album highlight of 2021.

I’m forty-four and still operate under this misguided belief that at some point I’ll “arrive” at adulthood. By that I mean that I still adhere to some child-like notion that I’ll eventually mature into a static personality with fixed interests and a full formed set of likes and dislikes. This is, of course, a ridiculous expectation. Everyone should continue to learn and evolve and broaden their horizons throughout the course of their lives.

But the thing about personal growth is that you inevitably find some things just don’t fit anymore. This is one of my unexpected anxieties surrounding aging. As a music fan, I look at my albums as little time capsules. Where was I when I first heard an album? Where was I when I first connected with it? What personal associations do I have with it? Even if I grow tired of an album, I can usually retain a sense of the initial joy it brought me years and years later. And maybe that’s part of the reason I collect records... because it feels like I’m retaining a timeline of my past. But listening to more new music also means listening to less of your old favorites. Maybe it’s letting go of the past, but it also feels a little like losing a part of yourself.

When I lost my voice for six months back in 2019, I noticed that my listening habits began to change. I was listening to more metal and more jazz. I was essentially listening to music where the vocals were either a background texture or completely non-existent. And as someone that listened to a lot of vocal-forward music, this was a pretty significant shift. It was as if my brain decided that if I wasn’t physically capable of singing along with it, then I didn’t want to listen to it. Even when my voice came back, the new pattern stuck. There wasn’t much music in 2021 that I enjoyed that wasn’t either knuckle-dragging metal or exploratory instrumental stuff. The heart wants what it wants. But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that missed the human component of a singer. But for whatever reason, there just hasn’t been much current vocal-forward music that’s connected with me.

And then along came the debut album by Man On Man---the quarantine music project of romantic partners Roddy Bottom and Joey Holman. Maybe I just needed to hear some guitar pop played by a couple of big hairy gay men. Or maybe I heard something in these songs---born of boredom, grief, and uncertainty---that I felt in my own life at the time. The songs are breezy, upbeat, maybe even a little lighthearted at times, but there’s also this underlying sense of counterbalance to it, as if the sugar is meant to temper out bitter realities. I know Roddy and Joey were dealing with a death in the family when they started working on the album, not to mention the collective trauma we all lived through in the COVID years. And maybe that’s why these songs hit home. Because it doesn’t sound like someone writing pop songs out of habit. These songs sound like a salve, and I needed that actual human voice to articulate those feelings in 2021.

Man On Man is a fun pop record with big guitars, vocal harmonies, ribald lyrics, and hooks galore. But it also carries the distinct flavor of a COVID album: at-home in-the-box production, a sense of escapist frivolity, and a devil-may-care embrace of simple pleasures. Maybe a big part of the appeal for me was that it doesn’t sound like Joey and Roddy were trying too hard. It sounds like they were just trying to carve out a piece of private happiness, and that’s something that’s been absent from my listening habits in recent years.

#man on man #everyrecordiown

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sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years

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Sweet Honey and Iced Tea (Part 1): Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader

synopsis: prequel to Lemonade. Your first brushes with the Fushiguro clan head aren't so beautiful or elegant. But they do leave some sort of impression.

wc: 2.1k (this got so long, I'll have to make part 2 tomorrow)

tw: drinking, drug use, violence

masterlist

"Get up," you mumble, looking at the little boy whining and clutching his scraped knee. "I said: Get. Up."

"Why did you push me?" he cries out, tears in his emerald eyes. "I didn't even do nothin'!"

"You're a baby, Fushiguro," you answer, placing your chin in the palm of your hand. "You need to grow up."

"You need to stop being a bully," he gripes, and you stand from the sidewalk, rolling your eyes.

"We don't get brownie points for being nice to each other," you retort, kicking your leg out at him but missing. "One day, you'll be the Fushiguro clan head, and I'll be the L/N clan head. We won't be friends." With this, you walk away, stuffing your hands into your overall pockets and mumbling something about eight-year-olds who don't know what's good for them.

_____________________________________________________________

Age 17 (9 Years Later)

"Y/n, a letter from your secret admirer." Your best friend, Gojo Satoru, hands you a folded-up piece of notebook paper, wiggling his white brows. You swiftly toss it at the bottom of your locker, sighing.

"If my boyfriend sees another letter, he's going to break up with me," you mutter. For three weeks, you'd been receiving letters from this "secret admirer" who - at first - claimed to be the better choice of partner, instead of the son of Principal Yaga. But as you slam the black locker closed, you know that these letters won't stop. So, you had to find the source and beat the shit out of them after school. It's the only way you're going to be able to salvage what meager romance you have with one of the five clan's sons.

You and Gojo walk down the hallways in silence, your hands full of your books, and you think of the prime suspects on the list: Nanami Kento, Yu Haibara, and Geto Suguru. But all three men are a class ahead of you, and you don't think any of them would dare to romance the eldest child of a prominent clan leader and not think they would be rebuffed. Especially since you're already preoccupied with--

A shove on your shoulder brings you back to the present, and you look up to see Toji Fushiguro and his friends passing by, some of them eyeing you with disdain. Your rival barely glances at you, but the person who bumped your shoulder - a girl - sneers at you.

"Watch where the fuck you're going, y/n." You stare at Fushiguro's flavor of the month, mouth curling up into a scowl.

"Yo, what the hell," Fushiguro snaps at the girl, pulling her around to face him. "Fuck you think you're doin', talking to L/n like that? Apologize." You look at the future head, and he nods at you, emerald eyes stern.

"Sorry," the girl mutters.

"No worries. I don't expect any less from one of Fushiguro's playthings," you retort, turning on your heel and walking off to class.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur, and you tap your pencil on the backside of your hand, watching the clock tick tick tick until the second-hand reaches the hour and the bells chime. You gather your things quickly, rushing over to your locker and shoving them in before grabbing your purse and beating it to the back of the school. Satoru stands off to the side of the brick building, glasses placed over his sensitive eyes, and Suguru hangs out next to him, smoking a joint.

"We can't smoke on school property," you remind him, but the senior waves you off, rolling his eyes. "Well, at least offer me a hit," you finish, and Suguru hands it to you before offering you a light.

"Satisfied, princess?" he jokes, and you inhale deeply, eyes scanning the blacktop before landing on a group of boys standing around in a huddle.

"What the hell are they doing?" you choke out, coughing as walking closer.

"Uh-uh," Geto stretches out his hand, stopping you. "It's the final step to initiation."

"For who?" No one answers you. As your vision gets a little clearer, you can see the boys fighting - no, jumping - a lone figure in the middle. A bloody face with emerald eyes looks in your direction, and you inhale sharply.

Fucking Fushiguro.

"Why are they beating the shit out of him like that?" Concern laces your tone involuntarily, but you already know the answer. If Fushiguro can stand the beating from his own associates, then he'll be able to withstand anything.

"Ah!" The sound of Toji's cry echoes around the blacktop and you flinch, the joint dropping from your hand. As Suguru leans down to pick it up, you cross your arms defensively, muttering,

"Get up. Get. Up."

But it's not like Toji can hear you now.

Or could he?

The moment he headbutts his nearest opponent, you clench your jaw, bracing yourself for his next move. And within a few minutes, he's beaten them all back, face bloody with a nasty cut decorating the right edge of his lips. Toji pushes past his associates and approaches the three of you slowly. You stiffen as he holds a blood-covered hand out to Geto, observing the minor interaction: the joint is passed to him, and Toji closes his eyes, taking a long drag before handing it back. As he walks past you, he exhales, holding your gaze until he passes directly by you and leaves the three of you behind.

"I wouldn't want to fuck with that kid in a one-on-one fight," Gojo mumbles, and Geto shakes his head, taking a drag of the joint.

"I don't think you'll ever have to."

_____________________________________________________________

The next year, Toji returns from summer break with a new body, a new wardrobe, and a new coldness about him that stuns absolutely no one. Your first encounter with him is towards the end of the year, at lunch in the courtyard. His emerald eyes roll up to your face as you sit next to him.

"You've buffed out," you mention, handing him a rice cake from your bento box. "Steroids?"

"Reality," he grumbles, shoving half of the rice cake in his mouth. You lean back onto the bricks behind you, pursing your lips as he continues to consume the offering. You look at the scar that's formed on his lips, the mark paler than the rest of his skin. But it's healed well.

"It's hard to enjoy life, isn't it?" you whisper, and Toji shrugs, glancing up at the sky.

"I heard you broke up with little Yaga."

"I heard he got his ass beat when everyone found out why," you reply, chuckling.

"Yeah," Toji pipes up, his tongue fishing around his mouth. "Heard about that, too." You sigh, leaning your head back to look at the sky as well. "Why aren't you eating?" he asks, and you look over to see him frowning. "Not hungry?"

"No," you answer, sliding him the box. "Go ahead." Toji takes pieces of your shrimp tempura and eats them greedily, providing you with much-needed peace and quiet.

"You ever find out who your secret admirer was?" The notes come back to your memory, all of them dumped into the trashcan at the end of the year.

"No," you answer again, crossing your arms over your legs. "Thought it was..." you drift off, not sure what to say next.

"Shame," Toji laughs. "Would've loved to make fun of his ass for not just saying it outright."

"I don't blame him." You shrug, looking down at the blades of grass blowing in the wind. "Kind of hard to fess up to a girl who's virtually unapproachable."

"You really think that?"

"I know that." Silence.

"You're wrong," Toji states, just as the bells chime for the end of lunch. He stands, dusting his pants off and walking away from you without another word.

Your second encounter with him is at a house party celebrating the end of the school year.

The music is loud, and you're clad in skimpy clothing and attracting way too much attention. But with your girlfriends by your side and Gojo and Geto back from their first year of college, you feel safe nonetheless. You're standing in the kitchen when you see Toji walking through the house, eyes roaming over the crowd with displeasure.

When they land on you, though, his brows lift a little, then his lips part slightly as he raises a broad hand up to wave at you. You wave back, earning you a coo from a few of your friends, and then turn to see if Gojo and Geto see him. But they seem too wrapped up in getting a couple of senior girls to make out with them, so you turn back around, walking toward the lone Fushiguro and smiling widely.

"No crew?" you wonder, handing him your cup full of vodka. Toji takes it, sniffs it, then chugs it.

"I don't go out with them like that," he answers. "Just want to be alone tonight. What about you, unapproachable girl?" You roll your eyes at the nickname, and he taps the skin on your waist, walking into the kitchen. "What did you have?" You point at the Beluga Noble Gold, and he opens it, flicking off the cap and pouring some in your cup before chugging the rest of it.

"Toji--"

"All I want tonight is just to forget for a minute," he groans, hands running through his hair after he puts the bottle down. You sit your cup on the counter, seeing the stress on Toji's face and cupping it between your hands. You run a thumb over his scar and he flinches, but you don't let go.

"I can help with that," you offer, walking back into the living room where the lights are off and people are dancing to the rhythm of the song. Toji pulls you close in the darkness, his hands resting on your hips as you sway back and forth, still holding his face between your hands.

"Y/n, this year has been fucking hell," he breathes, and you nod, knowing both of you had gone through extensive training on picking up the clan's responsibilities in the light of his father dying and your father's health failing. "I can't sleep."

"I know," you reply, tucking your head into the space between his chest and neck. He brings one of your hands down from his face and onto his chest, where his heart beats rapidly. You both listen to the song in silence, letting the vodka work its magic and strip your senses of the fine-tuning they've been under for over sixteen years.

"I needed this," Toji finally exhales, and you look up at him curiously. "Vodka is really clearing up my head." You're about to reply when he moves your hand off of his chest and kisses your knuckles slowly, one by one.

"You're drunk," you whisper, chuckling and trying to pull your hand away. Toji grips it tighter, looking down at you and biting his bottom lip.

"Nope. Never been clearer-headed." He angles his head down and captures your lips with his, hands moving off your waist to hold your face. You lean into the kiss and finally feel something that you've only heard about but never actually felt: a spark.

"Fushiguro..." you moan into his mouth, and he pulls away, looking around for something. When he spots it, he grabs your hand and takes you up the stairs, throwing open a bedroom door. You see two people already making out on the bed, but Toji flicks on the light and grunts, "Out."

When the two girls see him, they scamper out of the room, and Toji turns to you, eyes roaming your face. "If you say no, I stop. We forget this ever happened."

"I'm not saying no," you retort, hands on your hips.

"Then fucking come here," he murmurs, pulling you into him again and flicking the light off. You close the door with your foot, leaning back onto it and letting Toji press both hands on either side of you while he kisses you deeply, hungrily.

"But it will be my... first time..." you whisper between kisses. Toji stops, pulling back.

"Really?"

"Uh-huh," you reply, staring into his bottomless eyes.

"I need to be super sober for this," he admits, wiping his face. "No, I can't do it. Not right now." You swallow hard, the aftertaste of the vodka now bitter. "We can cuddle if you want, but--" Toji breaks off, running a hand over your cheek. "Your first time is special. I want you to look back on it with no regrets." You nod, understanding his reasoning, then allowing him to lead you to the bed, where he spoons you from behind.

"We'll just sleep it off," you mumble, and Toji buries his face in your neck, encasing you in his strong arms.

"Yeah. We can decide what to do tomorrow. If that is, you still want to do anything."

"I think... I will..."

"We'll see."

#toji fushiguro #toji fluff #toji fushiguro x reader #toji x reader #jjk toji #jujutsu kaisen toji #jujutsu kaisen

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imbellarosa · 4 years

Text

Let’s Talk Calm-ly about Two Loves

OR: When you’re a grown man who writes stories for a living, you definitely wrote your own weird bedtime story, too.

The TLDR here is that H has taken one specific listener around the globe, notably to Tokyo and Jamaica. He quotes an old Victorian Poet who was an awful human but who’s lasting legacy is the phrase “a love that dare not speak its name” which is - you guessed it - a reference to queer love. He also is super excited to spend what seems like the foreseeable future with this listener and has bought a little house with a garden of daisies with them and it’s very sweet and domestic. Anyways this is a wild time and it’s all under a cut because it’s...really a lot.

Anyways I think the people I owe thank yous this times around to are @queenlokibeth who had to listen to me scream about this for a while, Astrid, who screamed with me when this came out, and “M” who convinced me to finally get to work in this fandom. And, of course, all of the lovely people tagged below who’s work I used to build my argument.

1.) Who Wrote “Dream With Me”?

Well, not H, or so the story goes. Two other people (Steve Cleverly and Sanj Sen) did! I mean, right, okay, for a while I was like...that seems like an odd choice for a man who didn’t want to hand Two Ghosts over to his own band because it seemed too personal. He wrote on every song in both albums’ he’s released thus far, because he seems to be passionate about telling the stories he wants to tell (even if he won’t tell you explicitly what they’re about). But for a while, I was totally going with the flow there, and the rest of this analysis would still stand: the writer of this story definitely referenced a poem by Lord Alfred Douglas and Harry’s own songs.

However, I then read this fun quote from the Co-founder and CEO of Calm:

“Well,” he said, “The the Harry Styles one is interesting because that came purely from Harry Styles himself...we took the approach of creating a sort of musical epic poem – he doesn’t sing, it’s spoken with poetry, but there’s a sort of musical sound bed to it and it’s pulling on things and themes that Harry’s fans really adore about him and associate with him. So his story was driven really by him – we really created a concept around him.”

- Chris Advansun, July 7th, 2020 via @hlupdate

And I thought, hmmm. This does not sound like a project that he was not involved in creating. From this point on (July, 7th 2020), I began to think of it as a three way co-collaboration between him and the other two authors. But this confused me a bit, because there was largely a nonreaction from the fandom. I was waiting for an actual transcript, because I always fall asleep to these meditation stories, but it was being referenced to as some sort of Y/N fic, which was...honestly not what I expected, but also not implausible, thanks to the ~lovely~ image this man has had since the age of sixteen. But also, twitter seemed to be concerned by other things at the moment, and no one was analyzing the story. .

In fact, I messaged a friend the day that this story dropped, because it had been kind of a shit show day on Twitter. Rumors were sort of flying about everyone and everything: had Liam shaved his head? Was he engaged? Had he and Maya broken up? Were Zayn and Gigi engaged? Had they broken up? Did Niall have a girlfriend? (this one was true lol). Were Elounor engaged? Were they pregnant? Had they broken up??? My personal fav was the bald Liam rumor, which he promptly put to rest in LP Act 1 by...having a huge mane of hair.

So then I thought - huh. Why has today looked like this? I’m not saying that there aren’t days that twitter goes wild because of boredom, because there definitely is - the articles about secret meetings in Italy that are coming out this week (8/12/2020) are proof positive. So that definitely does happen, but it doesn’t usually happen on the days that there’s a lot of content. And maybe I’ve just been starved for content in this fandom, but I would consider a 40 minute video quite a bit of content.

Then the transcript dropped. I’m using two as references - this one on Wattpad and also @carl-and-pearl ‘s version here (thank you so much for the transcript!!). We’re going to get into a more detailed description of what’s going on in the story, but the first thing I recognized immediately is that it was first person POV. I knew that going in, based on the number of Y/N jokes going around on twitter. Then I read it aloud, and I realized that it read like a letter. Like an experience specific to the writer and the reader. And while that’s not super uncommon to write about an experience from the author’s POV - I listen to a podcast called Nothing Much Happens: bedtime stories for adults which has a similar concept - I thought it was odd that they were trying to include both the author and the listener. I completely understood why the y/n jokes were pertinent. But at the same time, it felt like something had snagged in my mind - like a particularly annoying splinter.

The conversations I was having around this story - completely based on the content, concept, and my own instinct - was that this story contained specific references to one person. I thought that it did read like a love letter, and that most identifying features would have been taken out, but the essence remained. Which, once I thought about it, was something that H excelled at doing. Think about Sunflower Vol 6 and Adore You and Canyon Moon and even Watermelon Sugar and Golden. Ask yourself, What do I know about the person they are about? They have skin that browns, they have a secret, they have mesmerizing eyes, they’re willing to dance in the kitchen with him (to dancehall), they have a belly, they’ve been through hard times, they’re witty, they have an accent, and they have lips. I know - super specific right?

So the splinter grew into a thorn - what was I missing? And then - when I was looking for something completely different - I stumbled upon this old interview Harry did with Zach Sang and the Gang Show back in 2017. For context, he was being asked about Sweet Creature. As you can imagine, it’s hard for people to believe he wrote such a beautiful love song when he hadn’t ever really had a long term relationship (two hearts in one home?? Who did you move in with, you can imagine them asking. When did you have time?). So what did he have to say about this?

"In my opinion,” he explained, “I think most songs are written for one listener. Maybe there's one thing in there that only they'll notice about them.... It's so much easier to say something in a song than it is to say it to someone and I think it's really amazing to be able to communicate through that and be able to wrap up everything that you want to say in three and a half minutes and say it in a song."

- HS, May 3 2017

By this time, please believe that I was screeching. Seeing this felt like he put into words the exact feeling I had about “Dream With Me”. It felt like a nod to someone that I didn’t know, which made the story hard to listen to, tbh. Although, I will say that when I did finally listen to it, it knocked me out and gave me odd dreams so. Once was enough for me haha!

So my new operating theory is exactly what Advansun said: I think that H was the primary writer/the driving force behind the story. Because of the references I’m about to run through, because it feels like the way he tells stories, and because they admitted to him being more involved than they originally claimed. That’s going to be how I write the rest of the analysis - under the impression that H had a direct hand in the story that was being put forth. However, I think that the analysis itself would stand whether or not he wrote any of it. It would just be a more tenuous reflection of him than I believe it to be.

2.) How Do I Love Thee? In Two Ways.

Before I jump into the story, let’s talk a little about the poem that I want to compare it to: Two Loves, by Lord Alfred Douglas. Let’s be clear this is not at all a defense of who Bosie was - he was a terrible person, particularly in his later years, when he’d converted to Catholicism and turned his back on his younger self, and his partner, Oscar Wilde. He was violently anti-Semitic, and turned his back on his own community. I want to get this out of the way because I very much believe that we should examine artists for who they are. That is, after all, what I am trying to do here.

But his poem Two Loves has often been used - much to his disappointment, I’m sure - as an exploration of queer love in Victorian times. A line that I will be exploring more deeply in a second was in fact used against Oscar Wilde in his trail for indecency . He attempted - unsuccessfully - to explain it away, but it was too blatantly about their relationship for even the British Victorian society to ignore. I really, really recommend a read of this poem, because it is - despite it’s author - a good piece of work, which explores the themes of shame and love and longing between two men in that time.

I’m going to start with my own background, as someone who’s analyzed fandoms before. I first came across this poem in the Sherlock fandom, with this analysis by @the-7-percent-solution, when I was running in that fandom, and she explains the poem brilliantly in just a few lines. I’m going to take a little longer to run through it, but if you want a concise explanation and a brilliant meta, I encourage you to run to their blog and check it out. That fandom taught me most everything I know about catching symbols and recurring themes and “clueing for looks” and I love it desperately, still.

But we’re here to talk about this fandom, so on with the poem! Essentially, the poem outlines a dream the speaker had: In his dream, he’s standing in a field with flowers - beautiful ones of all kind - and he meets this young man with clear blue eyes and bright red lips and they kiss a bit and have a picnic, and it’s all lovely. If you think I’m kidding, I’m really not. Please, read it for yourself.

Anyways, after they did they did the whole picnic thing, the speaker and his date go on a walk in this field, where they come across two figures. The first is described as,

“...fair and blooming, and a sweet refrain Came from his lips; he sang of pretty maids And joyous love of comely girl and boy, His eyes were bright, and 'mid the dancing blades Of golden grass his feet did trip for joy; And in his hand he held an ivory lute With strings of gold that were as maidens' hair, And sang with voice as tuneful as a flute, And round his neck three chains of roses were.”

- Two Loves, 1894

The speaker, however, was drawn to the second figure:

“He was full sad and sweet, and his large eyes Were strange with wondrous brightness, staring wide With gazing; and he sighed with many sighs That moved me, and his cheeks were wan and white Like pallid lilies, and his lips were red Like poppies, and his hands he clenched tight, And yet again unclenched, and his head Was wreathed with moon-flowers pale as lips of death. A purple robe he wore, o'erwrought in gold With the device of a great snake, whose breath Was fiery flame..”

- Two Loves, 1984

Of course, the speaker immediately asks the second man who he is. The second man says, “My name is Love”. The first man corrects him quickly:

“ He lieth, for his name is Shame, But I am Love, and I was wont to be Alone in this fair garden, till he came Unasked by night; I am true Love, I fill The hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame.”

-Two Loves, 1984

The second man sighs and acquiesces, “Have thy will. I am the love that dare not speak its name.”

It was, of course, this last line that really gave the meaning of the poem away. It was the line that was put to Oscar Wilde as proof of a romantic relationship, it was the line that went down in history as a way to refer to queer love, and it was the line that first stuck out to me when I was reading “Dream With Me”.

The reading here is clearly that “Love” is the love that is acceptable to society - easy, sweet, and cherished. “Shame” is the love that happens in secret - beautiful, alluring to the speaker, passionate, anxious ( as can be seen in the clenching and unclenching of his hands), and proud. He refuses to call himself as anything but what he is. The first man may call him Shame, but he refuses the name, and instead, offers a qualifier to his own descriptor. He is still love, he is just the love that can’t be spoken about.

3.) Walking in Golden Fields of Sunflowers

Now let’s talk about “Dream With Me”. I’m ignoring the first few stanzas (from the line “Have you ever wondered” to “What the two of us can find”.) because those are pretty standard introductory paragraphs to a guided meditation. So we start with the line “Let’s travel now to moonlit valleys...”.

I’m going to do the same thing I did with “Two Loves” first. I am going to describe literally, in general terms, what happens in the story. Warning, I change pronouns from “they” to “you” because the whole thing confuses me, but note that I’m always talking about the speaker and the listener:

So after doing the standard intro, the speaker and the listener take a walk through the woods enjoying nature, particularly the grass, the trees, and the blue sky above. You’re already clearly in love. Then you’re magically on a raft, with cherry blossoms all around you. If you want a good visual for that, here’s a site that has pictures from a boat rental in Tokyo where you can snuggle on a raft in the Chidorigafuchi moat. And then suddenly it starts raining, and they (you) watch the rain for a hot second, and then the scene magically shifts again, and you’re under a porch (although I guess it could be the boat rental’s porch. They do usually have covered areas).

Kind of furthering that theory, they then lounge by the shoreline, skipping stones and hanging out, looking at the snow capped mountains. In case you’re curious, because at this point I sure was, you can see mountains from certain areas in the city of Tokyo.

Anyways, then it’s snowing, and you’re magically in a cabin, just chilling by the fire, and you fall asleep again. You wake up somewhere else.

Where are you now? Well, you’re on a tropical island filled with palm trees. As an American, my mind immediately jumps to the Caribbean, but I suppose it could absolutely be in the Mediterranean as well. The island has white beaches, mangroves, a turquoise ocean, and a gorgeous, peaceful atmosphere.

If you’re curious as to what a mangrove looks like - and I certainly was - they are a group of trees and shrubs that live in the coastal intertidal zone and Jamaica is doing a massive restoration project involving primary school children to regrow this vital part of their ecosystem. More interestingly, there currently exist no mangrove forests in the Mediterranean, so my initial feeling that this scene would take place in the Caribbean was correct. On that note - again, because I was curious - Jamaica has gorgeous white sand beaches with turquoise oceans.

But I’ve gone off topic again! After you’re minds are “in tune” once more (trying to find a heartbeat, anyone?), you reappear in a meadow, with beautiful flowers of all kind, where you are now walking hand in hand through a field of sunflowers, which give the feeling a “warm and golden hue”. Then you come across a little farmhouse with daisies poking out (clearly I have no way of locating this anywhere in the world, but I assume that the UK has both sunflowers and daisies). It’s an empty house which was loved and left because of the passage of time, which inspires my favorite line in the poem: “ The thought of passing time inspires/A feeling that grows stronger”. It’s just...really sweet to me.

So, of course, they do what anyone would do when they come across an empty farmhouse, they go inside. And there, they begin to fall asleep, reflecting on all they have just seen, referencing other scenes of the poem: “ Moonlit valleys, Burdened forests, Gazing at the ocean. Summer meadows, Tranquil sunsets steeped in emotion”.

The next few stanzas are just going to be copy-pasted, and then I’ll go into them a bit, but this is the end of the poem, so they’re the final reflections;

“The tenderness we feel When we are close Two minds as one Surrounds us and connects us But we’ve only just begun.

For now we dream together Of all there is to follow. And know that sleep will keep us safe From now until tomorrow.

Maybe all the memories That we’ve gathered here tonight Are all dreams now remembered Or wishes in plain sight.

No matter what They’re with us now. For this night and forever. And every time we close our eyes They’re yours and mine to treasure.”

- HS, Dream With Me, via @carl-and-pearl

And that’s it! The literal story, in short, is that you started in a forest, then went to Tokyo (maybe) and then Jamaica (perhaps) and then back to a field of sunflowers and daisies in the UK (which is also a guess, it could be Italy or France or Idaho for all I know, but let’s call it an educated guess).

4.) My Dream Journal

So now that we know what happens in the story, how do we interpret this? Well, There are a few lines in the poem that I want to draw your attention to: the first takes place in the first part of this story, when you’re still in the forest. This is, I must say, the most direct reference to Two Loves in the whole poem/song/story. Both works are describing a walk in the woods with your loved one, and, in a fun reference in the middle of the story, Dream With Me says

The shimmering reflection Shows us smiling from above. But what we think But dare not speak is L-O-V-E love.

-Dream With Me, 2020

Remember that line I mentioned before? I am the love that dare not speak its name. Right, so that’s almost a direct quote. It also has a really fun nod to “I Would” (Would he say he’s in L-O-V-E?/Well if it was me then I would), but I digress.

This first part of the narrative, I feel, really sets up what the rest of it will look and feel like, in the same way that “Golden” sets the tone for Fine Line. (You didn’t think I was going to make a post about Harry and NOT mention Golden, did you?? If you did, I’m disappointed!!). So let’s take a look at what’s happening, and the language he’s using to describe it.

One of the best things about this poem is how vivid it feels. Of course, I’m about to argue that it’s vivid because it was based in reality, but let’s talk about the sheer amount of detail he uses to describe the place he’s walking through. The valley (canyon lmao) is moonlit, the grass and the leaves make mosaics of green, you’re walking by the heather (the symbolism of heather is good luck, admiration, and protection), the sepia sunlight breaks through the trees.

You know what it kind of sounds like? Sweet Creature. You’re about to roll your eyes at me! I can feel it! But listen, okay?

“Sweet creature Running through the garden Oh, where nothing bothered us But we're still young I always think about you and how we don't speak enough”

Which, to be honest, sounds like what they’re doing. They’re walking through the garden in the sun, not daring to speak about the Love that he (they both) feel, and instead refering to it in veiled Victorian terms.

And then we head to Tokyo! I know that you’re about to ask me why I think it’s Tokyo versus...idk, anywhere else? Well, for one, he went to Tokyo (to let it go) publicly in 2019. He was there for a few months, and there are some great pictures of that time:

Look! Here he is with his club owner friend and his dog, and a fun red bandanna! But let’s be honest, the dog really steals the show here. But wait! there’s more! More dog content, too!

This was on Jan 31st, 2019, and he’s taking the dog for a walk! Very cute! If nothing else, he spent a lot of time with dogs in Tokyo! And the city fits the description of the story. So I feel rather comfortable with my interpretation that this first date is a memory of this trip - or another - to Tokyo.

So what did “you both”do in Tokyo? Well, chill on a raft while the cherry blossoms flutter around you, clearly. You also refocused your purpose. What did he do in Tokyo in 2019? Well, he took time to think about and write songs for the album he was about to go record. Kind of like refocusing on what’s next, right? And then, in the story when “you both” had time to think amongst the lake and the water and the rain and the moon, and you’d come to the conclusions you needed to, you left. What did he do when he did the things he needed to? Well, he left, too.

And where did he go? Well, in real life, I suppose he went to do his job. But, in the story, you’re meant to be falling deeper and deeper into sleep, so it’s sort of like traveling backwards, you see? Like counting down to one. So you end up on this island with turquoise ocean and mangrove forests. I’m calling this Jamaica. Why? Well, the description fits, for one, down to the four types of mangroves that exists within its ecosystem.

And - probably the biggest reason - I can place him there, too. Here’s him in 2017:

I added this picture because the water around him....looks rather turquoise, doesn’t it? Kind of like he’s enjoying his time on a tropical island by the beach?? Oh, and here’s another one!:

The red bandanna makes a comeback!

So what are you doing in Jamaica, according to the story? Well, you’re hanging out, basically. Enjoying the beach and each other, of course! What else? To be exact, “[Your] thoughts dovetail and unify/ In tune two minds together”. I’m so glad that you’re tuned like an old guitar now! Congrats! Really happy for you!

What was he doing in Jamaica three years ago? Why, he was recording his first album, or so the story goes. I’ll tell you something: finding press for that album was literally the most difficult part of this whole analysis. I got a fair bit of the tattoo roulette with Kendall Jenner, and some things about Carolina, but the interview with Zach Sang took me like an hour and a half to find again to link. The fact that a lot of it has been buried is...not great, for posterity purposes. He’s going to want that one day.

But I’ve gotten off track again! We gotta go back and finish our story, right? What happens now? Well, this does:

hahahaha okay, I’m really sorry, but I had to. I’m not, actually, making it up though! According to the story:

“ As minutes turn to hours We drift off somewhere new. And visualize a stairway To a door we now walk through”

- Dream With Me, 2020

So maybe Louis was just...demonstrating for you.

Anyways! Where do you walk out to? A golden field full of sunflowers. You walk for a minute, then come across an old house with daisies popping up out of the garden. And that’s where the story ends. I guess you’ve made that farmhouse feel like home.

Now to the little reflection he does on the outro. The lines I want to bring your attention are: “The tenderness we feel when we are close two minds as one surrounds us and connects us but we’ve only just begun” and “Maybe all the memories that we’ve gathered here tonight are all dreams now remembered or wishes in plain sight.”

Let’s talk about the first sentence first. In the context of finding a home that could be a shared home, and a future, this is very much an “end of the story, beginning of our lives” sort of thing. You’re back from all over, and it’s time to settle down, and see what’s next.

And now the second sentence. I think this is the one that really drives my point about this story being a collection of memories he has - that’s what he calls it. The story is “gathered memories” that might also be called “remembered dreams” (think of how people say of vacations, “oh it was a dream!”) or you might call it “wishes in plain sight”. This feels in line with the rest of the story. In this stanza, he’s sort of letting you in a bit. If I’ve read this right - and I really think that I have - he’s giving the larger context for the story. It’s a collection of memories he’s had with someone he loves.

5.) Cool! Can you prove it?

I mean, I’d argue that if you read this far, I have proved it, but let’s make some more links, shall we? This was called a “muscial epic” that was “driven by him”. I’d argue that if I know my Victorian literature (thank you, Sherlock!), then he definitely does. Then there’s the fact that he quoted it, so. That did happen. And he knows what it means. And even if he didn’t, there were two other people on the story. Someone was more than capable of catching that one, and the fact that they didn’t speaks to intent. They want you to think of that phrase when you read this poem. They want you to think of that walk in the woods while you’re going on this one.

And, as for my assumption that this is for and about one person, well. Think about it. He said that he writes his songs for a single listener. I’m not saying it’s the same listener each time, let’s get that right, but it is always just for one person. With that, and with the assumption that he’s been involved in the writing of this story, I’d say that the same rule applies. He went with someone to Japan and Jamaica (J^2 haha). And, if I had to guess, it was the same person.

Why, you ask? Well, for one, if that weren’t the case, then this poem would no longer be for one listener, it would be for multiple. And, for another, imagine how awkward it would be to listen to it with his current partner and have to explain “oh, yeah that was the super romantic vacation I took with someone else” . And, I suppose that because I think that attitude of “refocusing” and “dovetailing” and “tuning” and getting excited about imagining all of the tomorrows with your partner speaks to a long term relationship breathing easily, you know?

I’m also going to argue that describing the aura around the house as “golden” was intentional, especially when paired with the location - in the middle of a field of sunflowers. Those are both direct references to his songs. And those two songs are particularly linked by the number 28. The third song that features 28 is Fine Line the song, but that’s a different story. Anywho! “Golden”’s bridge just repeats the word ‘golden’ twenty eight times (if you go here , you can count the bridge) and “Sunflower Vol. 6″ ends the song with 28 “boops” (believe me, I wish I was making this up. I’m not.). So then, once again, you’ve linked a story to two already linked songs.

And, even if you don’t buy the intentional repetition, they’re linked another way, aren’t they? The color scheme and the sun symbol. Sunflowers were named because of their sun-like appearance. They turn to face it. They symbolize loyalty and adoration. And then, of course, the sun is - say it with me - golden. And it - like the person in golden - waits in the sky, beautiful and dangerous and constant. And here that symbol is, in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. At home.

This whole story feels like you’re taking the time to find that heartbeat that you think you might have lost, and sort of coming back to a space where you understand that this is what you want, now and forever. It feels like finding a home that could be yours forever, and it feels like walking through some of the moments that remind him of that.

It really is rather lovely, if you think about it, especially since he has a tendency to attribute “home” to people rather than place, in his songs. So it’s like. Going all around the world and always being at home.

#harry styles #calm #dream with me #two loves #honestly man #im happy for you #but ewww #be less sappy please #i mean #SOME OF US DONT HAVE THAT YET HAROLD #hahahaha i think im funny #long post ts #idk how else to tag this but im really proud of it #okay now i'll do the penguin song #promise hahaha

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narcissasdaffodil · 3 years

Text

WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the tag @daisybarks

I’m tagging @kiki-the-creator @hopeshoodie @juggalohenrik @eskiix and @rennell

This is a little snippet from enough for you, which is my most recent WIP. This is the cheating fic, which I’ve likely referenced. This might not make sense out of context.

The other three piled into the back, Aislinn in the middle and the other two having window seats. Bobby handed the others their food and sat back with his arms folded. “Aw, come on! I wanted shotgun! And why is this car such a mess?” Bobby grumbled, his heart not fully in it.

“It was worse than this. We actually cleared it slightly to make room for everyone. And Marisol did say that one of us could take shotgun, and I let Lucas have it because he’s taller.” Hope pointed out once she chewed her mouthful.

“It smells weird in here too. Is there an air freshener?”

“It’s broken. Olivia forgot to replenish it. I haven’t noticed the smell if I’m honest, I’m used to it.” Marisol finished her breakfast, grabbing the empty bags and got out of the car, binning them and made her way back to the car, putting on her seatbelt. As she started the car, the sat nav came on and she left it there. She was going to try and rely on her memory, which might not be the best idea.

Once everyone plugged in their seatbelts, they set off. Marisol followed signs for the motorway until she got stuck in a queue getting onto the M4. It was crawling, and she opened the windows to let some fresh air in. The air conditioning only blew hot air and was next to useless.

As the car stopped, Bobby started rooting around at his feet until he discovered a bag full of ketchup bottles and another bag of chocolate, crisps, nuts and sweets. In addition to the two bags, there was a lot of sweet stuff sitting on the floor.

“Who needs an entire bagful of ketchup bottles? Eight bottles in one bag!” He studied the bag, slightly perplexed.

“Wait, what? So that’s where all the ketchup went! I kept buying bottles, and Olivia clearly kept swiping them. Eight bottles, really?” Marisol’s eyes widened at the mention of the ketchup. Bobby handed Lucas the bagful of ketchup, who studied it himself.

“Most of these are open, and half full. What’s the point of starting a new one when the old one is already half full? I was checking that side of the car as well, how did I miss this?” Lucas checked the bottles in the bag. “Some of these are expired too, quite the stash! One or two years out of date.”

“Eww. See what you can salvage, and we’ll bin the rest when we get to the beach. What a waste of good ketchup, I even bought Heinz! I can’t believe she was stealing it.” Marisol stared at the bag, slightly miffed. “That being said…I did use it for a lot of meals, I did have a little ketchup problem. It would vanish every single time we had an argument. Which means she was taking it then to be petty, likely. It’s a major pet peeve, she sees it as such a waste.”

“More of a waste is definitely her stealing it, as of course you’d buy more! Does the money she’s wasting ever come into it?” Aislinn asked.

“Nope, no way. She’s the type who broke her phone last month and had her parents buy her the newest iPhone in replacement. It wasn’t even cracked or damaged, so she let me have it. I changed everything over, her parents aren’t paying for my phone as well. It was going to go to waste completely otherwise, she would’ve just binned it.” Marisol laughed slightly at the idea of Olivia even thinking about money. The same person who regularly spent £400 on clothes per week and went on regular shopping sprees definitely wasn’t the type to care about the money she’s wasting.

She looked back at the road just as the queue moved and moved forward again. “Found anything else that is edible? There’s bound to be food hanging about.”

“Gummy worms, gummy bears, strawberry laces, Strawbs, this bag is all sweets. There’s a soft container of Pringles too, I wouldn’t touch those. There’s also unopened bags of fruit and nuts so I’ll take those out. Most of the chocolate is fine too, and the unopened crisp bags. This is quite the stash! Half of it is empty packets. Did she just use the car for a dustbin?” Bobby handed Lucas the dodgy snacks, who just bagged them with the dodgy ketchup.

“She pretty much used the car as a bin, yup. And she kept stealing the sweet stuff from the flat, so I had to keep hiding my biscuits and chocolate. Eventually we agreed that she would buy her own sweet stuff and quit taking mine. Guess I didn’t clarify that sweet stuff meant ketchup too, and she couldn’t just steal stuff in petty revenge.” Marisol explained. To her relief, the queue started moving quickly and she took advantage, getting onto the motorway without too much fuss. She wasn’t a fan of driving on motorways.

“The window’s not working again, could you please open it from your side?” Lucas asked.

Marisol opened both windows, the car was starting to get absolutely roasting. The feet smell was starting to get to her slightly.

“The windows in the back don’t work, by the way. Hopefully you guys are fine with just these ones open.” Marisol called in the direction of the back, the others nodded in response.

“Can we get rid of some of the mess at the beach? There’s sandwich containers, coffee cups and something squishy back here.” Bobby prodded the something squishy and took his hand away fast. “That’s definitely gum. Why has she stuck that on the back of the seat?” He pulled it off with a tissue, wiping away the residue.

“We can get rid of the leftovers, coffee cups and sandwich containers at least. Or anything that’s gone off. The rest of it, I don’t know what she wants done with it. She might’ve left, but it’ll seem a bit too final to clear out nearly all of it…” Marisol’s voice faded slightly and she bit her lip. “Look, I’m not overly pleased with the state of it myself. But I’ve got bigger fish to fry currently. I’ve had too many arguments with Olivia over it, and she made it worse to mess with me. I gave up mentioning it eventually. You’ve been complaining so much, it’s getting on my nerves.”

Marisol focused on the road ahead, chewing on her lip.

“Yeah, you’ve made your point. Maybe me and Lucas are just more used to it, but it’s been far worse than this before.” Hope broke in before Bobby decided to reply.

“Why didn’t we just split into two cars anyway? I wouldn’t have minded driving, and it’s a little cramped in the back. Driving’s not ideal, I prefer shotgun, but Lucas nabbed that. We could’ve split into me and Lucas in one car, and you three in this one.” Bobby grumbled.

Lucas stared at Marisol in panic, his eyes widened at Bobby’s statement. “That wouldn’t work. You barely paused for breath when we got lost yesterday, and during the first film of the Harry Potter marathon. I couldn’t handle it then, being trapped in a car with just you wouldn’t work.”

Marisol’s mouth twitched, and she struggled to not burst into laughter, putting on the radio instead. Classical music burst out of the speakers, and she jumped. Aislinn quickly synced up her phone to the radio, attaching it via a charging wire. She instructed Lucas in the front, who followed her instructions and in no time at all, a playlist replaced the classical music.

“Phew. I forgot Olivia always listens to Classic FM, on loud. She’s even had noise complaints, from classical music of all things. And, Bobby, if you want to drive on the way back, be my guest! It made completely no sense to split into two cars just because you couldn’t handle the mess.” The hot car was making Marisol slightly grumpy, and she snapped at him.

The car fell silent as they became absorbed in the music. Marisol and Aislinn had done far too much drunk karaoke, and she recognised the playlist from that. Hold the Line started playing and Marisol started singing along to it, forgetting the others were in the car. The energy carried through the car and lasted until the end of the song. She stopped, slightly breathless and blinked, wide eyed.

“Wow. I forgot how good you were at this. My favourite karaoke partner ever. Maybe we should try it again, but sober?” Aislinn said.

Her words stunned Marisol slightly, and she blushed. “R...Really? You think I’m that good? I doubt that, I freeze up on stage. Drunk karaoke is slightly different.” Yeah, no. That’s not happening. Not after that time in secondary school, when you auditioned for the school talent show and got so nervous that you were sick backstage, and your throat closed up while on stage. You couldn’t sing anything and tripped coming off stage on a loose shoelace and wiped out. To make matters worse, it was recorded and passed around the school until you were known for that. Your sister hated being associated with you as a result and it was so embarrassing.

Marisol fell silent, chewing on her lip and listening to the music. She signalled and moved into the left lane, ready to come off the motorway.

She focused entirely on driving and only relaxed when she got to the car park. She parked and let out a sigh of relief. “No sat nav needed at all, and not a foot wrong. That proves it, I’ve got a better sense of direction than Olivia.”

“I’m pretty sure everyone does.” Bobby pointed out. “Along with being better at being on time. I had to tell her a fake time for my birthday two months ago and she was still late.”

#litg #love island the game #litg marisol #fic snippet #litg bobby #litg hope #litg lucas #enough for you

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luna-helps-writing · 3 years

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i don’t know how tumblr works but i think this is how i send an ask? i’m sorry if i’m wrong, but i’d like a match-up for the hobbit, harry potter and lotr!!

i have dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. i’m 5”2.

my MBTI is INTP-t. my hogwarts house is a mix of slytherin and ravenclaw. i have a deep appreciation for the arts. i enjoy classical, musical theatre and other types of genres that stir up intense emotions.

my favourite subject is english and art. i enjoy writing, debating, reading, philosophy, science, history, cultures, etc.

i’m stereotyped as the “gifted kid”. i get high marks and most people associate me with being TOO ambitious.

my favourites atm: hamilton, macbeth, dystopian fictions, historical fictions, fantasy, the “oh you wanna kiss me so bad” and “enemies to lovers” trope .

Thank you for your request!

For the Hobbit, I ship you with Thranduil!

• Both of you think big for the future. You have all sorts of plans for yourself or for others. You’re great at executing them together and your mind works almost as one. He admires this about you.

• This old bastard has seen some history himself and loves telling you about it. Even the sad or terrible stories. I’m exchange, you’ll tell him something of your own world. He is very interested in your own stories, as it literally contains another world.

• Please, tell him all about Macbeth. I get the idea he would absolutely love it!

• Prefers listening to slow songs too. It calms his nerves down and does wonders for him when he had another stressful day. The two of you will just be talking or slowly dancing during that time, but it’s amazing, really.

For Lord of the Rings, I ship you with Aragorn!

• I feel like Aragorn would love dystopian fiction. I don’t really know why, but I think that, when you introduce him to a few books, he’d be absolutely taken away and won’t stop reading.

• He grew up in Rivendell, so he knows a thing or two about philosophy and history. Cultures and science however, are the subjects he’s less familiar with. He’s a great learner and listener and would absolutely want to learn more about you passions.

• I don’t think he’s an ambitious person himself, but I think he would want an S/O who is. Since he doesn’t really think big or further, he needs a partner who does, so listening to you can really help him boost his own choices. Good job!

• He would marvel at your intelligence. He met plenty of stupid people, so you’re a whole change to it. He finds himself boasting about your mind in front of others without even realizing it. Not that he’s really bothered by it. He’s just really proud at you!

For Harry Potter, I ship you with Draco!

• We all know he thinks big and isn’t afraid to sacrifice something a long the way. It’s something you two have in common, only you know where to set boundaries. Might want to help him with that.

• The “Oh, you want to kiss me so bad trope” but it’s reality. I know for a fact a relationship with him would be something like that.

• Surprisingly, he’s very good at debates and English. The two of you are absolute geniuses on that part and can have “arguments” for days! (In a good and fun way)

• To be honest, it started out with him reading you because of your high grades, but he soon found himself attracted to you. It wasn’t until you out him in his place during transfiguration, that he realized his feelings.

I hope you liked it!❤️

#self insert quotes #requests closed #requests #my asks #match up #draco x reader #aragorn x reader #thranduil x reader

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bangtanblurbs · 3 years

Text

autumn leaves

song: autumn leaves by BTS

first experience: my first listen of autumn leaves was when HYYH pt. 2 released. thanksgiving had just ended -- it was 2015. i was well into my fourth year of undergraduate studies and going through both a rough patch in some respects but also in others -- hitting my stride. i remember my first listen through of HYYH pt. 2 was in my tiny dorm room, perched on my bed, avoiding the responsibility of studying for my final exams. autumn leaves followed skit in the tracklisting, and before skit came baepsae. talk about whiplash... my emotions were all over the place. immediately i was taken by the unique backbeat and the beautiful blend of devastating vocals with emotional raps. for me, autumn leaves was immediately a favorite of mine from the album -- following closely behind butterfly. i can confidently say today though that the song is one of my top ten bangtan songs of all time. something about the sound, the lyrics, and the emotions i can hear in their voices makes it one of the most powerful rap ballads in the bangtan repertoire. i can remember distinctly i came to this revelation around christmas of 2015 as i continued to loop HYYH pt. 2 and really feel each beat and sound within the individual tracks.

at this time i was going through a period of great change in my life - and autumn leaves is the perfect song for change. it’s a song about losing a love but also about feeling as if you are losing a piece of yourself. there are many ways to interpret the song outside of just being another sad love song -- that is something that struck me. the lyrics speak to several facets of what happens when you give pieces of yourself to others, or when you reach crossroads in your life. finding this song at this particular moment in my life was like finding energy and light at a time of extreme darkness. it was healing. soothing.

feelings: i have too many. as always. autumn leaves is special to me because when i listen to it i’m reminded of both the place i was in when the sound found me, but also more recent development in my life that continue to relate to the song. when i first heard autumn leaves, i’d recently ended a relationship i’d been far too invested in despite knowing it was going to be a dead end - for about three years. i felt like i was at a point in my life where i needed to figure out who the hell i was without the one i’d loved. it’s funny though - i was happy to be free of that relationship, to be free of him, the pressures he’d put upon me. what do dead leaves mean if not a new spring right around the corner? perhaps i was feeling lost, but in my mind it was only temporary -- the dead must fall away to bring forward the spring.

that being said, i did mourn. not in the way you might think, but in the way that one mourns for lost time, lost identity. so often we, as women, give up our identities when we are in relationships. we allow others to define us in terms of those that we are in relationships with. i’ve realized this now that i’m older -- now that i’m more at peace with my bisexuality -- the notion that our patriarchal society defines us in terms of the men within our lives rather than our own talents and identities. this particular blog isn’t a space for my feelings on that topic though -- what i will say is that autumn leaves comforted me. perhaps i felt that i was at a point where my leaves were dying -- but does that mean the tree is dead? absolutely not. spring would come. my life would be reborn with a new focus taking over.

this being said -- i’ve always been one of those people that holds onto the past. i always wanted to be solid, non-changing, someone with convictions that they carried along from life. i think this stems from experiencing the death of a close friend while i was very young. i cherished the memories associated with her to the point where i didn’t want to lose the person i was when i knew her. so that’s always complicated change for me -- made the moments where the last leaves fell from the autumn trees that much harder. sure, spring was on its way, but what did that mean? would i lose the memories and the moments when my leaves where at their brilliance the previous season? or would i still carry those with me? what if i needed to correct course and completely rewrite who i was over the past -- would that mean losing who i was when i was loved by those i valued in the past? of course not -- but for some reason the more emotional sides of me didn’t see things in such a fluid way. lost was more profound when i was younger because it was also accompanied with these fears over the loss of my identity.

as i’ve gotten older i’ve realized that identity can have staying power whilst also being something that is fluid. transmuting something doesn’t mean destroying or overwriting it. it means building upon the base and modifying it so that things are more brilliant. the me that existed before and during my long-term relationship was the same me i’d carry into the future, but with many more improvements for my own wellbeing and ability to express myself. for me, autumn leaves is just that. whilst on the surface it may convey the emotions of a breakup -- it also simply conveys the feelings that we get when we progress from one period of life to another. we leave parts of ourselves behind in order to improve. does that mean we are fundamentally changed? absolutely not. it means that we have learned from the past -- that we have made progress. in the same way that trees grow and change over the years. perhaps they look differently (taller, greener in hue? more branches?) but they still provide us with lushness and shade.

personal connection: perhaps i’ve jumped ahead... i’ve already delved into this in the feelings section. that being said... i hope that my story can bring comfort to someone else. or perhaps help you all think about the ways in which bangtan songs can promote healing in your own lives.

since my initial experience with the song i’ve had many other moments where i’ve turned to autumn leaves for comfort. i didn’t just leave it in the past -- it’s come with me as i’ve gotten older and moved into new spaces in my life. particularly i quite literally moved and started a huge new chapter in my life. and on this, autumn leaves has been a song i frequently find myself searching for. there’s a line in the song that resonates with me -- it’s in the bridge: “i hold on to these faded memories / is this greed? / i try to look back on these lost seasons / i try to turn back”

initially i’d been excited for my big move from atlanta to washington dc. i thought it’d be the moment where i finally showed people back home that i wasn’t a failure, that all the pride i’d held in myself and my intellectual accomplishments was valid... but partnered with that came the intensive homesickness, the feeling of being an alien. i wasn’t really welcome here in dc. i still don’t feel welcome, but that’s a story for another day - another song. the reality is though, i moved just as the seasons turned to fall. it felt like my old life was falling away, i was bidding adieu my old life -- the community that had raised me since i was eighteen -- it was all gone. i was scared, terrified my friends wouldn’t keep in touch, afraid i’d have to change who i was to experience success (mask my accent, dye my hair, use the language of the elites)... while it’s not a breakup in the way the autumn leaves reads, i felt like i was having to plead with myself not to let go of who i was just for the sake of being accepted here, or for the sake of making my day to day life easier. the beat of the song brought me comfort as i walked to school, where i received the fake smiles of professors and classmates... i pleaded with myself -- to never let the parts of me that had gotten me to where i was fall away... to always let those dead leaves be the fertilizer for who i was becoming, for the me that would deliver myself closer to my dreams.

even now -- i listen to autumn leaves and think about what i’m going to carry forward as the seasons change and we begin to work our way into a new normal in this pandemic. what parts of me will remain? what relationships will i keep? what *should* fall away, and what will i beg to keep around rather it’s healthy or not? i’m not sure. but closing my eyes and listening to the steady sound of autumn leaves brings me nothing but comfort.

song breakdown

musically: autumn leaves is one of the most iconic songs from the HYYH era. the beat is iconic, the mix of vocal line and rap line from verse to chorus is completely seamless, it’s almost like a ballad rap (so iconic of the HYYH era, with songs like love is not over). the asian style beats, and synth... the sounds of the song are flawless from start to finish. the underlying beat of the song is so smooth, it feels almost like constant crashing waves, the ebb and flow of the beat with a few accents to highlight the emotional pick-ups of the verses.

now -- it was controversial at the time -- many claim that autumn leaves samples beats from deadroses by blackbear. rather that’s true or not, i don’t know. but i find that listening to both songs back to back, they’re speaking to a lot of similar themes but with their own distinct sound and messages. there’s something about the genius of the back beat mixed with the emotionally charged rapping that sets autumn leaves apart -- also the use of vocal line is completely distinct and adds to the emotion in the sound.

vocally: i don’t have as much to say about the vocals in this song. they’re beautiful, with vocal providing honey belts throughout the choruses, which sound more like a repeated bridge. we also see the slower, more emotionally accented rap style from each of rapline. the integration of the vocals and rap are iconically HYYH and BTS. we see the raps pick up, and slow down providing for pre-choruses to build into the beautiful vocal ballad ranges.

autumn leaves performed live -- it’s something incredible. something i’m thankful i was able to experience. bangtan obviously never disappoint, but you can really hear the emotions in their voice with autumn leaves. the perfect adlibs, the changing rap paces, the roughness of rapline’s lower registers... it delivers the sadder themes of the song perfectly.

lyrically: time for a DEEP dive yet again. autumn leaves is about change, the loss of a love. of course meanings can be layered, it can be about change, but on the very surface its a song about loss of love because of changes over time.

jin and jungkook start out the song beautifully. the lyrics lead in directly addressing the theme: “fall like those dry leaves / just falling without strength, my love.” indicating that the song is like a letter - it’s a message to a love. the speaker is comparing their situation to a dead leaf, useless... time has run out... time to leave and fade away... something new to come a replace. falling without strength, it seems as if the speaker is saying they’ve got no more fight in them anymore, they’ve given up and realized continuing the fight is futile. it’s time to just let everything fall away, fade into black. “your heart just goes far away / i can’t catch you / i can’t catch you anymore, anymore / i can’t hold onto you, yeah” as much as the speaker would like to hold onto the moment they are in, hold onto the person they’re with... they can’t anymore. the other person is too far away. time has led to them drifting further apart, their relationship falling away like a dead leaf.

yoongi starts off the first rap, leading in with heavy emotions and continuing the story, and theme of a tree moving into fall. “those fallen leaves that look so insecure / seem like they’re looking at us.” the leaves have already fallen off the tree now, they’re dead on the ground -- peering back up at the speaker and their partner. i interpret this as the leaves are looking back at something they used to be a part of, something familiar to them, just as leaves are a part of our lives, trees spectating our lives as we live. these leaves were a part of their lives -- and now they’re gone, a piece is dead now. “if i touch your hand, even if it’s all at once / it seems like it’ll all become crumbs” -- this line illustrates again the analogy that the leaves are like the speaker’s significant other, someone that might just crumble away like it was never even there before, like a dream, it’s that distant. “i only looked / with the autumn wind” the seasons have changed, it’s that time, it’s been that time, and now the wind is a force that finally pushing the leaf off the tree, finally pushing the relationship or moment of life to end. “your words and expressions that become cold at some point / i can see that our relationship is fading / an empty relationship like the autumn sky” this line directly refers to the relationship like the seasons -- there was a spring, beautiful and blooming, love blossomed. and in summer it burned. but as time went on, the clouds went away and the rain stopped (the autumn sky doesn’t bring the spring showers to nurture the relationship anymore) and the fire consumed everything, burning it out and leaving nothing. “an ambiguous difference compared to before / today of all days, the much quieter night” there’s nothing left -- there no more crackle of the fire burning, no more love. it’s empty, and gone. but nobody knew when it became this way or why, it just did. “one lead left clinging to a branch / it’s shattering, i see the end.” there’s something hanging on -- perhaps it’s just the memory -- perhaps it’s just the part of them that is afraid of change, that wishes they could stay in the warmth. but even so, it’s beginning to crumble, it’s beginning the process to fall away. “dead leaves becoming dried / the silence inside your aloof heart / please don’t leave me / please don’t leave me, crumbling dead leaves” from dead to dried, the emphasis is made that at some point things have moved past ending or that they have been done for quite some time and for them to now also be dried. that being said they’re dried, not gone, the memories exist the emotions have left their place. someday the marks of this relationship will impact and provide the basis for another with someone else -- for better or worse.

then, we reach the bridge-like chorus. it’s simple in lyrics despite emotion packed in tone. “i want the you that meets my eyes / i want the you that wants me again” this line indicates that the partner in this situation has walked away and had decided not to even acknowledge the speaker. to pretend they don’t exist, to remove them from their life -- perhaps to not even keep them as a memory. “please don’t leave me / please don’t fall / never never fall / don’t go far away” the speaker begins to beg, holding onto the last few minutes of whatever they believe is left of the relationship. the begging of “don’t fall” is at odds with the previous verse about a leaf already fallen -- perhaps the chorus is coming from a more desperate state, or a moment before the inevitable happened (the season changed, the leaves fell).

the post chorus brings in jin and continues with the same lament - the same desperate begging. “baby you, girl i can’t let you go / baby you, girl i can’t give up on you” the speaker is determined to hold onto the moment before the final fall. they are unwilling to let it all go -- hanging on to the last moments but also to the memories it seems. “like those falling dry leaves / this love, like dry leaves / never never fall / it’s fading.” at this point the chorus has progressed to where the leaves are fading and falling -- morphing into something that is no longer a leaf anymore. what is the speaker holding onto any more? just as memories too fade -- is there anything even left?

the next verse brings in namjoon, it plays off of the themes and tones in yoongi’s verse. it begins with the leaves already having fallen. there’s no more grasping onto what was, it’s much more about moving on and the ways the memory frames our ability to go forward. “like all the dry leaves fall / like all the things i thought would last forever are leaving / you are my fifth season” the speaker couldn’t imagine this happening -- a fifth season, there is no such thing. the leaves have fallen, despite him never imagining that it would occur, he’s dumbstruck. there’s a level of naivety here -- speaking to the things they thought would last forever -- which harkens back to the entire HYYH era theme. youth. learning growth. namjoon is speaking to new steps in life happening after finding out that what was familiar and comfortable is gone, and will not return as he is stepping into a fifth season and uncharted territory. “even if i try to see you, i can’t look / you’re still green to me / even if the heart doesn’t move, it moves by itself / lingering feelings hung out piece by piece like laundry” namjoon is charging here that he’s placing more emphasis on the past and the memories he holds rather than wanting to confront the reality that the other person has changed. they’re still green - young, fresh, healthy... he can’t help but still be in love because he cannot confront the fact that the other person has in fact changed. and at the same time all of this change and loss has made him raw, he cannot conceal his feelings even when doing mundane day to day things... his emotions hung out for all to see. “only crimson memories fall / from above me / even if my branch doesn’t shake / they constantly fall” the colors have changed from green to crimson, he is forgetting the hard times -- the memories that are rotten. the other memories, even if he keeps trying to hang onto them, they’re also going - being tainted by the dark and unhappy reality of things begin done. “right, my love must fall / in order to rise” he realizes, he need to cut the baggage, cut his false belief that things are still good, so that he can start a new season and try again. embrace his youth once again and heal. “even when you’re near, my two eyes / are far away, it’s happening / i’m being thrown away like this / inside my memories, i become young again” he emphasizes again that he cannot confront the reality of loss of this other person but realizes that it’s completely out of his control - he is the one being thrown. but he knows he can retreat to whatever space he needs to in order to cope or heal, he can hide inside his youth in his mind. he can stay there until he heals and can emerge once again.

the chorus the repeats again, but this time it moves into the beautifully delivered bridge by taehyung. he begins with his low and smooth range “why can’t i give up on you yet / i hold on to these faded memories” which calls directly to namjoon’s verse. the seasons are changing, but he cannot let go of the past. things are fading but they remain his refuge. “is this greed? / i try to look back on these lost seasons / i try to turn back” he begins to realize that there’s an element to these emotions that might be toxic, that he wants but he knows he cannot have what he wants, or that he wants too much. he wishes he could retreat back to the summer, or the spring. turn back time and hide in those brighter moments.

the final verse is beautifully delivered with hoseok’s unique style. he offers an unexpected conclusion to the hopelessness of yoongi’s verse and the denial and dismissal in namjoon’s. “burn them brightly, woosh / it was all beautiful, right, our path / but they’ve all faded” hoseok remembers fondly the memories, reflects positively on the way that things had been going... but he recognizes that that path exists no more -- those leaves are dead and gone. he uses the word “burn” which is often what happens with dead leaves, they’re burning brightly those memories -- like they’re seared into his mind and heart. they’ll never leave his essence. “dry leaves come down like tears / the wind blows and everything grows apart all day” this line beautifully captures the mourning process and the confusion that follows -- the learning to unlearn and untangle your life from another person’s. to move away from something that was so permanent in your life and mind. “the rain is falling and you’re shattering / until the very last leaf, you you you” the weather references in this verse are fitting for the theme of seasons but they also take control away from the speaker - make reference to the fact that even as they speaker would like to, he cannot control his emotions just like he cannot control the situation and relationship coming to an end. the very last leaf -- he tried to hold on, he waited till the end, but finally the hope is gone.

the chorus repeats with some additional lines bracketing it by taehyung. ultimately the song leaves us with a feeling of being unsettled as things came to an ended. time passed by and things changed -- and end was inevitable. memories are what is left to hold onto. seasons change, just like we grow up or change. things in our lives will run their course, especially relationships. we learn from them, and even if we don’t want them to -- they leave scars... no matter how much we plead. but the reality is, we can retreat to whatever place in our mind or memory that we need to in order to repair ourselves to try again.

performance: the main video that is available online for autumn leaves is a performance from HYYH on tour. i cannot pinpoint the location of the filming, but it is the same as it was when i saw BTS live in 2016 in macau for HYYH the epilogue on tour. you can find it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrM53Y9hHV0&ab_channel=lestwins1524

the performance is very much understated but beautiful. vocals and raps are delivered with more emotion than was captured in the recorded version. members do not perform any choreographed dances, but lights and graphics highlight each member as they come into focus to deliver their portion of the song. it’s beautiful and it’s just what was needed to portray the emotion and depth of the themes in autumn leaves.

in my own personal experience, seeing this song performed live was incredibly profound. the entire arena was silent. all eyes on bangtan and listening for each of the incredibly raw verses to be peformed. the crisp emotion laden in the vocal line choruses. the song is beautiful. it’s somber and mature. it exemplifies the drama of the HYYH era -- with lyrical and performance genius that is unparalleled. i’ve uploaded to this post my horrible video but i hope you enjoy ~~

tl;dr: autumn leaves might seem like another breakup song, but there’s more to it. it beautifully emphasizes the power of memory, time passage, and the desire to hold onto past versions of themselves. which for many listeners is far more profound than just a breakup -- there’s so many times when we need to leave behind moments in our lives, friends, family members... and while we want to hold onto something that is familiar, we can’t. they’re leaving, we are moving on... seasons come and go no matter how much we wish they’d just stay constant. dead leaves fall away, even when we’d wish the summer and spring would stay, they can’t. life is cyclical in nature. which harkens us back to the themes in spring day as well. the sun will always come out, the seasons will change... but we have to confront the fact that sometimes we will experience pain, loss, and change.

#bangtan #bts #lyrics #analysis #army #autumn leaves #bts army #hyyh #most beautiful part of life

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soft-glitch · 4 years

Text

Where the breeze leads us

Chapter 4: Legacy

Word count: about 1100 words

Author’s notes: this is a series of tiny one-shots taking place in the Sonic future AU described in my fic How You Look In The Wind. You might want to read a bit of it first! There might not be a strict chronology to these events, so some of them are up to interpretation. Enjoy the read!

- - - - -

It really was amazing in its own way, Espio thought. Despite being one of the most famous investigation agencies on Mobius, the Chaotix were permanently on the verge of being broke.

Granted, it wasn’t that bad. They lived in a nice house with everything they needed, and never really had to cut budget on food or basic necessities. But most mobians expected the team to be extremely successful and loaded with money.

First, every other case was offered at an absurdly low rate. The crocodile simply couldn’t resist to the idea of helping people, no matter the size of their bank account.

Second, the Chaotix had become a well know name among charities. There had always been a widespread need for relief on Mobius, due to the destruction caused by Ivo Robotnik and his clique. Fortunately most mobians were generous and valued solidarity, but the agency always found many fundraisers to participate in.

Espio didn’t mind for the most part. But this was a special occasion, for Chaos’ sake.

“Aren’t we supposed to have like, savings?” Charmy asked cautiously, looking up from the plants he was watering. “Yes, but the key words here are supposed to.” the chameleon replied with a glare towards Vector. “Why I still let you handle the budget is beyond my understanding. – C’m’on, it’s usually not bad!” the large mobian said. “I just forgot ya needed this much for today.”

Espio sighed and closed the laptop. The costume was already being made, so there was no choice but to pay one way or another. If the tailor could accept to delay the payment by a month, it would be feasible, but…

“Why don’t you borrow from someone?” the bee offered. “I’m pretty sure Amy or Rouge would understand, and they’re— – Absolutely not. – You’re dumb.” Charmy shrugged. “They’re friends, they would be happy to help with this and you know it. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime situation.”

With a pained expression, the purple reptile got up and rubbed his temples, not sharing a word for a whole minute. Vector eyed Charmy, slightly perplexed.

“Alright. Yes. I guess you’re right.” Espio then turned towards his associate. ”Vec, I expect you to handle our finances better next month. It’s one thing to have a debt with the tailor, it’s another to fail to honour one with a friend.”

Vector nodded almost ashamedly as the chameleon grabbed his phone and went outside.

- - - - -

A surprising amount of people was gathered at the ceremony. Espio had expected most of them to show up, like Sonic and Tails, who were among Knuckles’ oldest friends. Some others were… an interesting surprise. Everyone knew Scourge was in some kind of rehabilitation retreat with Mighty and followed him everywhere, but to see him attend this important event felt odd to say the least.

As he was observing the armadillo and his green apprentice, a not-so-discreet gesture of affection made the Espio raise a brow.

Huh. So these two are… Shaking his head, the chameleon tried to focus. The sun was just about to set, and he had an important role to play.

The chatter from the small crowd circling the altar faded as the daylight shifted to coral and fiery rose. A dingo and a jaguar started playing instruments, a grave yet somehow uplifting melody slowly filling the air. All stares focused on the Emerald altar, on which two figures took place.

One was Knuckles, wearing a gold and white robe intricately decorated with a snake motif. The current guardian, with his solemn pose and ceremonial outfit, almost seemed like another person altogether. His expression, showing an unreadable seriousness to most, was in fact tinted by pride and emotion.

Espio tried —and failed— to avoid glancing too much at the echidna. The sunset light worked together with the elegant flowing costume, highlighting his fiery red spikes in a way that left the chameleon slightly dazzled.

The second person was a young wombat, her face slightly hidden by a humble cloak. Her stare was one Espio had seen many times from Cream or Charmy: slightly intimidated yet resolute. Eyes blessed with the spark of youthful optimism and the willpower needed to change the world for the better.

The chameleon smiled as the music stopped. Knuckles’ successor was fit for the task.

“The sun descends and stars appear in our skies, as old as the stones our feet step on. They remember this world and so do we.” the red echidna started. “Tonight our hearts are bright and will sing a new song, so that the Chaos may listen and make our will known.”

Espio exchanged the slightest look with his partner, a glimpse of a supporting smile escaping onto his lips. Knuckles nodded imperceptibly before continuing his speech.

The ceremony was solemn, and the crowd attending it kept silent all along. It was, after all, the beginning of an end. Everyone witnessing it was acknowledging the approaching end of the echidna clan, its last member having decided to pass his knowledge to an apprentice.

Time came for the last part of the ritual, and Espio stepped closer. He knelt in front of the young wombat, who bowed down respectfully. “We are now into the night of your duties, Helik the Wombat.” Knuckles said, his voice now trembling slightly with emotion he was unable to hide. “Find knowledge and wisdom as the stars travel along you, so you may emerge from the horizon with newfound brilliance.”

He then turned towards his purple friend. “If I ever fail our duties, or if fate separates us, I entrust my power to Espio the Chameleon. He is now a beacon in the dark, one you shall seek in the hardest of times and trust whenever you feel lost.”

Uncovering a chaos emerald from his outfit, the echidna set it on a small stone pedestal between them. Helik, Espio and Knuckles all placed a hand on it and closed their eyes.

For a few seconds they remained silent. Then, as the Master Emerald behind them started to glow more and more, they chanted together: “The servers are the 7 Chaos. Chaos is power... Power enriched by the heart. The controllers are the ones that unify the Chaos.”

A gentle wave of energy came out of the emerald beneath their hands, echoing one from the Master Emerald. Everyone present felt their hearts filled with courage and hope, dreams of a distant past and longing for a bright future.

Helik would be the next Guardian.

With a relieved sigh, Espio looked at the crowd cheering for the trio and smiled. Knuckles’ hand was warm against his own.

#sonic the hedgehog #sth #espio the chameleon #vector the crocodile #charmy bee #knuckles the echidna #mightourge #knuxpio #fanfic

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husbandograveyard · 3 years

Text

Wootwoot! We made it you guys! May 4th is my one-year anniversary on Tumblr. With some ups and downs and over 300 requests written, I'm gonna go ahead and say it was a successful year!

Monday until next Sunday I will do another Mini HC event, like we did for valentine! Open for all my fandoms, with mystery prompts to choose from.

Until then, I wanted to do a sleepover event. Unlimited asks and interactions for the weekend cause I feel like I haven't talked to a lot of you in a long while!

You can send me any classic sleepover question

Kiss, marry, kill

Would you rather

Top 3/5/10...

Questions about me

Questions about my anime, writings...

Theories (keep em spoiler free though!)

For this event, I will engage in a little bit of selfship talk if anyone were to be interested. Ask me about my F/o's and tell me about yours! Dynamics, habits... anything!

Questions about OCs

If you need some inspiration, I have included a couple of lists below the cut with questions id be 100% okay with.

Also, if you just want to chat, tell me about your week, a funny thing that happened to you, or a fun fact (i love fun facts especially if it's creepy or an animal fact)... A N Y T H I N G is welcome! There is no limit to your asks, spam me if you want! ♡

Look forward to talking to you guys!

Ps, I'll tag these #1yearSleepover if you want to block something against spam

Questions for OCs - Specify which one! Taken from here

1. How many different places have they lived?

2. What is their dream vacation?

3. What is their favorite color?

4. What is their favorite book?

5. Have they ever cheated on anyone before?

6. Have they ever been cheated on?

7. How many partners have they had?

8. What is their favorite food?

9. Are they a liar? Are they good at lying?

10. Introvert or Extrovert?

11. Have they ever been arrested and why?

12. Who would they sacrifice their life for?

13. What are their spending habits?

14. Do they like hot or cold temperatures better?

15. Are they religious?

16. If they could describe themself in one sentence, what would they say?

17. Do they have any overused catchphrases?

18. What makes them laugh?

19. Have they ever lost anyone close to them? How did it affect them?

20. Do they have a fast reaction time, or slow?

21. How do they react to praise?

22. How do they react to criticism?

23. Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy?

24. What are their biggest pet peeves?

25. Do they have any type of handicaps? How do they manage them?

Other ask game - taken from here

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

6: do you keep plants?

7: do you name your plants?

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

12: what’s your favorite planet?

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

22: are you a morning person?

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

28: sunrise or sunset?

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

33: what’s your fave pastry?

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

39: what color do you wear the most?

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

59: what’s your favorite myth?

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

68: what’s winter like where you live?

69: what are your favorite board games?

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

73: what are some of your worst habits?

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

75: tell us about your pets!

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

82: are/were you good in school?

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

89: are you close to your parents?

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

#sleepover #aksgames #1YearSleepover #scheduled post

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therenlover · 3 years

Note

heyy jac I first wanted to say you are amazing, thank you for going out of your way to give us tfatws content. it brightens up my day whenever I see you post. I was just listening to your zemo playlist and I’m one of those people who when I listen to a song I love to make scenarios in my head. I was wondering if you could walk us through some of your favourite songs on the playlist and tell us how you associate them with zemo. I’d love to hear your thoughts on some of the songs. (if that isn’t too much hassle sorry if I’m being annoying lol).

Anon, you are currently my favorite person in the whole wide world. I absolutely want to give you my favorite songs on the playlist and tell you exactly what I see when I hear them, and you have given me an excuse to do so. This post will probably be long as hell, so I’m putting it under the cut.

Foolish To Think from A Gentleman’s Guide To Love and Murder

We all know Zemo is a baron, but like... we don’t know how powerful baron’s are in Sokovia. We also don’t know pretty much anything about his childhood or rise to power. I am a firm believer that he’s been ever so slightly unhinged even when he was still just a normal dude, so this is him deciding “you know what, I’m about to climb my way up the Zemo family ladder however I need to,” This, in my mind, is the epitome of fresh faced, 18 year old, canon Zemo ready to go fuck some people up for power.

If Music Be The Food Of Love arranged by David Dickau

During his rise to power, still just a normal dude, Zemo falls in love with his wife. I’m a big believer in the fact that, because Zemo was raised as royalty, he knows a whole lot of pretentious shit like Shakespeare and recites it to his partner to be romantic. The line “Though yet, the treat is only sound, sure I must perish by your charms unless you save me in your arms,” is what he used to woo her early in the relationship. So cute, it would be terrible if something bad happened to her...

Bogoroditse Djevo arranged by Arvo Pärt

This one is more of a scene I get in my head. It’s a Christmas tune, and I can see him, his wife, and their infant going to their first Christmas market as a family in Novi Grad. Just... walking from stall to stall, giggling at the performers, eating the food, buying little gifts for the baby to remember the occasion. It’s a calm before the storm.

The Swan by Camille Saint-Saëns

This song, in the playlist, marks the death of Zemo’s family. In the past, dancers have interpretted the melody as a badly injured swan, slowly struggling as they die but still being graceful and elegant as they do. As he searches through the rubble, his hope slowly dies, and in the end his hope dies where his family did. Thus begins his descent into madness in...

Daemon Irrepit Callidus arranged by György Orbán

Daemon Irrepit Callidus is Zemo’s descent into madness. From this point on, he slowly loses his softness. The tone of the songs is often much more modern, pulling away from his roots as a baron and man of high status and leaning into something more gritty for much of the Civil War era in the playlist. He has descended into hell and he believes there is no turning back from here.

Songe d’Automne performed by The White Star Orchestra

Reportedly (by Harold Bride, surviving Jr Telegrapher who was washed off the deck as the ship sank) this was the last song the orchestra played as the Titanic sank. Zemo is going nuts. ‘Nough said.

If I Believed from Twisted

This song, along with a few more, is an outlier in the Civil War era. It represents his reasoning for what he’s doing. I imagine this song is the feeling he has after he listens to his wife’s last voicemail. He’s doing everything for her, burning a whole superhero organization to the ground so that he can assure nobody else has to live through what he did, but he can’t deny that a part of him wishes he could just bring her back no matter how illogical that is.

How Does A Moment Last Forever (Music Box) from Beauty and the Beast

This is, again, a softer moment. He looks back on the time he spent with his family and tries to keep it safe in his mind. It anchors him to reality and keeps him focused on his goals. The end is coming soon in his mind, so he clings as hard as he can to those remaining memories of peace.

Dies Irae arranged by Giuseppe Verdi

He sets the Winter Soldier loose murders all the remaining soldiers in the Hydra base on his day of reckoning. Yeah, that’s basically it, it’s just hype music as he has his big moment.

As The World Caves In by Matt Maltese

His plan has been carried out and now Zemo is simply watching as the world caves in around him. He’s succeeded in all of his plans, the avengers are crumbling, he’s listened to his wife’s voicemail one last time and now he’s ready to be dead. He thinks this is it. Well, until he’s taken into custody and locked up forever.

Leonardo Dreams Of His Flying Machine arranged by Eric Whitacre

My man Eric is coming in clutch once again. This is Zemo, brilliant mind and all, stuck rotting in jail. He has nothing but his dreams of grandeur to tide him over So, he dreams. He dreams of escape, of his family, of what waits for him once he dies. 8 years of dreaming pass before Bucky finally approaches as Lacrimosa plays.

Lacrimosa by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Fuck you, Mozart. You’re only here because you played in the show. Moving on.

The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani

You cannot tell me that this isn’t what was playing in Zemo’s head as he escaped from maximum security prison and rolled up to that warehouse looking all hot and mysterious.

Sibella from A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder

Look who’s back! This time, though, I included this because I am adamant that Zemo fucks someone he used to know while he’s escaped and they have a big dramatic love affair. Like, he just does. I don’t make the rules.

WAP by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion

Zemo would just love WAP. He says all that woke shit, so like, he vibes with female empowerment and the idea of them taking back their sexuality. He also loves the annoyed look on Bucky’s face when he plays it, so it stays on the playlist.

The Man I Used To Be from The Count of Monte Cristo

Now, this one is more speculative, but I feel like Zemo will have a minor change of heart. he won't suddenly be a morally straight good guy to the bone, but I think he’s seriously rethinking his ideology and at some point, he might find a way to let go of a lot of the pain and remorse he’s been carrying around.

No More from Into The Woods

This song, in my mind, takes place at the Sokovian memorial. Zemo is there and he’s so tired of running and fighting and grieving. He just wants to be okay again but he doesn’t know how to. He has this mental moment where he’s asking his deceased father for help and yet the memory (ghost?) of his father, who he resented for most of his life, isn’t helping him straightforwardly. He has to figure it out for himself in the end. This line speaks to me most. “No more giants waging wars. Can’t we just pursue our lives, with our children and our wives? Till that happy day arrives, how do you ignore...”

and finally...

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep arranged by Laura Farnell

Of all the songs on this list, this one was the only one I was absolutely certain of including and I knew it had to be the last song no matter what else I included. Its contents, a famous poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye, could refer to either Zemo or his family. In the case that he visits the monument, it could be the feeling he gets there. Finally, he knows that his family is somewhere better, not buried under the rubble of his home. He’s finally free.

If he dies at the end of the series though, it takes on a whole new meaning. It’s about him, how he isn’t trapped by his mortal body anymore. He’s now everywhere, both a constant reminder to the world of the atrocities committed in Sokovia and a testament to how powerful a father’s love for his family can be. Once again, he’s finally free to reunite with those he loves, but this time it’s he who isn’t truly dead so long as people heed his life as a warning.

Wow, this was longer than I thought it would be even when I cut a few songs... I hope you enjoyed!

#jac rambles #playlist #zemo #helmut zemo

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45paperplates · 3 years

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More about Olivia Rodrigo: On her Voice

It’s been almost a month since Olivia Rodrigo’s album came out and since my obsession shows no sign of fading soon I might as well put it to good use. From the beginning I’ve been captivated by her uncanny ability to express emotion through her voice but now I’m starting to realize how fully strange her voice actually is, that emotional dexterity requires originality which is necessarily weird. The strangeness is subtle because it is centralized, and so the songs can have an uncanny core with a very familiar pop ballad shell.

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In the final chorus of “traitor” she holds the last syllable of that word through three ascending notes, starting with the “er” sound of the word’s typical American pronunciation and through the next two beats progressively opening the sound to an eventual hard “ah,” effectively leaving the word behind altogether and never fully pronouncing it. She often seems to insist, against conventional wisdom, on incorporating speech sounds into her singing, talking when she should be singing, and here, screaming when she should be enunciating.

I must assume that this is because of an intuitive need for specificity in expression, a particularly tricky and treacherously precise specificity here. This song is about her dissatisfaction with what is truly a very normal occurrence, an ex-partner moving on to another relationship faster than would be expected: a common human behavior and always ripe to be explained away by whomever might find comfort in doing so. The perpetrator never feels they have done wrong and so she risks attacking her listeners themselves if she missteps. It’s as if her despairing, elemental sense of unfairness is being squeezed through the tiniest of openings, between petulance on one side and self-doubt on the other. The word “traitor” itself isn’t specific enough to get through this hole, and therefore must be refined further. The same goes for her pronunciation of “paranoid” earlier in the song.

She plays around a lot at the low end of her voice, often touching the unsingable, and if not quite doing so affecting a strained raspiness and phlegmy chest tone that I can only describe as something like a groan of mourning (the descending “said it first to meee” on “happier”), an utterly inappropriate, almost perverse inclusion in a teenage heartbreak ballad, enough to upset the dignity of less empathetic and more socially-experienced listeners.

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She begins “deja vu” with another kind of breathy low voice that slides around over the vocal cords and at times ceases to vibrate them entirely, a sort of wide-open piecemeal mixture of air and depth I personally associate with (in a much more pronounced form of course) Louis Armstrong singing “What a Wonderful World,” another perverse reference juxtaposed sound-collage style against the eye-wideningly unprompted falsetto that follows it, an acrobatically angelic sort of performance that would be sweet in a more expected setting but is here I think almost sickeningly pitiful in its objectively unjustified strain. Taken altogether this jump-cut from repose to borderline cringe must be diabolically calculated to exist at all, expressing the long-ruminated-upon pain of a supervillain, the kind of supervillain that people are always identifying with. The pregnant “huh?” just before the drums kick in isn’t really a question at all, although it is written into the song that way, because it is so overwhelmingly automatic, trance-like, involuntary. Olivia sings this whole first verse and chorus as if she has no other choice but to be wrong, as if she knows there is something fundamentally false about her accusation, as if she really doesn’t want to know at all the answer to the song’s question, but she is broadly compelled by her nature to ask against her will, by fate, by the self. It’s cosmic tragedy, not necessarily lyrically, but definitely vocally.

In case I sound like a nutjob I can provide proof of her interest in performing on just such a cosmic stage. “Rebel Without a Clue,” apparently written and performed when she was fifteen years old, apes a certain kind of singer-songwriter yearning so well that it took me a while to realize its lyrics are so vague as to border on meaninglessness. That is not bad at fifteen of course, but I think it is also proof of a voice-before-words tendency in her songcraft that will only benefit from further simplicity of lyrics and complexity of expression as she matures.

The song centers around “will I ever shake hands with time?” a line too louded and conceptually labyrinthine to carry the weight here that it could, but appropriate completely to the elevated intensity of the performance. She begins the song around a single held high note that she bends every which way, rather stubbornly refusing to turn it into a substantial melody, as if that would be crass. When she says “drink up my friend, my potion of emotion” or “I’m a rebel without a clue,” I don’t really know what these have to do with shaking hands with time necessarily, but they are related purely by the sustained tone in which they are sung.

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If anything though, the song’s vagaries can only suggest together an existential subject, about the pain of participation and the struggle for an alternative:

Let’s sit, watch the trains all derail They want me to learn Well they can sit and watch me fail

Here is an almost joyous refusal to accept the parameters of one’s existence, and the palpable pain of the song comes from the reality that this voyeuristic pleasure at the expense of the world cannot be maintained statically but has to be achieved by an act of renunciation that is sometimes impossible or cruel. She feels, in other words, guilt. Pleasure and rage come from the temporary success and inevitable failure of any attempt to avoid fate, and sadness swallowing both comes from the regret of having attempted to do so in the first place. “I don’t really know who I am / And now you want me to change.” She sounds guilty for having even asked the simple question, “sitting in my room, what’s it all about?” as though questioning one's surroundings weren't one of the most basic human behaviors.

It is the mixture of this search for pure identity and regret for its failure in all of her best vocal performances--focused so far mostly but by no means necessarily around an attempt to find identity in another person--that makes her sing in the subtle but erratic way that she does, because to regret the past and yet simultaneously repeat it in real time is both fundamentally absurd and extremely normal. Just as I described her initially, the stranger she sounds, the more she sounds like herself. Thusly she can make this obtuse metaphysical quest sound as it should, like the most obvious and deeply relatable thing to hear in the world; like an image of basic, unstoppable, irrational desire; like pop music.

#Olivia Rodrigo #Louis Armstrong #Existentialism #Metaphysics #Singing #Pop Music #Sour #Philosophy #the rose song #hsmtmts

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elianthvia · 3 years

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7 Reasons Why I Quit

(only for a little bit)

It has, alas, been another few weeks since I posted. I have an excuse for my unpunctuality: I've been spinning non-stop like a top. The conclusion of the last Zoomester and the start of summer are to blame. I have seven partners in crime.

Culprit 1: Puppetry Workshop

Towards the end of the year, DTI (Design Thinking Initiative), in collaboration with the Theatre Shop, hosted an in-person puppetry workshop where a small number of people could participate per covid protocols. In-person events were few and far between this semester, so of course I rushed to sign up. The workshop ran for about 2 hours on three consecutive Mondays. We met in the theatre shop inside Mendenhall Center for Performing Arts.

The first day we made shadow puppets (and mine was a bee); the second day we made hand puppets (mine was a ... cyclop ghost king?); the third day we made marionette or string puppets (I attempted to make a teru teru bōzu, but everyone thought it a ghost). I had a lot of fun trying different fabrics, re-learning how to use a bandsaw, and magically joining things together with the help of a hot glue gun. (Side note: Polymer chemistry is the magician behind the scene, and I will be learning more about the science of hot glue guns in the polymer class I am taking next semester!) The workshop was surprisingly not as popular as I anticipated, maybe because people were busy as the semester came to a close. The good news is that DTI will be running the workshop again in the fall so more people will get to participate.

(Is she a ghost or teru teru bōzu?)

Culprit 2: Spring Piano Recital

I did not expect to attend a live concert this semester, but I was invited to the spring piano recital as a "special guest." It is a habit I developed while working as a concert crew at Sage, to sit outside the Sweeney Concert Hall and listen to the rehearsals after I finished setting up the stage. That day I was going to do homework outside the concert hall while waiting for my performing friend to finish. The piano instructor spotted me and asked me if I wanted to join. Disbelieving in my good luck, I accepted the invite. About ten students were scattered in the almost empty concert that felt sad and lonesome, but soon music filled the air. I thoroughly enjoyed every performance. Lots of Chopin were played, but my favorite one is Rhapsody in Blue which just entered the public domain this year. All pieces are about or more than a century old, which is not a surprise, but refreshingly, there is a piece by a female composer, Amy Beach, whose granduncle co-founded Bates College. You can find the full program here.

Culprit 3: End of Classes

The end of classes was epitomized by professor-resembling pixels on our computer screens bidding us goodbye. Usually professors would plan something fun for the last day of classes, virtually as well.

I remember last semester my Multivariable Calculus professor changed his virtual background to a wall of donuts, explaining that during the pre-pandemic times he used to bring a box of donuts for students on the last day. This semester in Mathematical Methods for Physicists and Engineers, we explored the applications of Fourier Transform by looking at the velocity of a star and detecting the number of planets around it. Our last Circuit Theory lab was in person, where we got to listen to a song/piece of our own choice through the low pass filter and the high pass filter pictured below. The professor handed out prizes (cool items she accumulated in conferences) to students to reward them for their participation in the pre-class trivia games. I received a mini glow moon. In addition, our circuits professor left out end-of-class fun packs with origami papers and stickers outside her office. Our last Organic Chemistry lab was also in-person, where each lab group presented their experiments and findings (through a projector rather than Zoom screen share!) My presentation group decided to dress up for this special occasion after a long year of virtual school. Lastly, for Organic Chemistry, we played organic chemistry jeopardy in our last lecture.

With all the professors wishing you a happy summer, you start daydreaming about the sunny beach and breezy wind. Oh wait, you still have final exams to take. All in three days!

Culprit 4: Final Examinations

This semester we had a three-day final exam study period (or reading period) when professors are not allowed to assign any homework or set deadlines. Right after the reading period is our final exams. Smith is known for its flexibility when it comes to exams thanks to its Honor Code system. Many exams are self-scheduled. Some are open-notes, and some are untimed. In a normal year, students go to Seelye Hall to print out and take the exams when they feel prepared.

For the classes I am taking this semester, I had three hours to take my Math Methods final, a whole day to take the Circuits Theory final, and the entire finals period to take my Organic Chemistry I final. Besides the exams, I had several other writing assignments to turn in. I was very fatigued at the end of the semester, so even though I only had three exams, I struggled to muster up mental energy to study. To make things worse, I got my second Pfizer shot during the reading period and had a pretty bad reaction. As a result, I asked the class dean to give me an extension on an exam, which was generously granted, and I was gratefully less overwhelmed.

Culprit 5: SmithCycle

The finals are now over, but my vacation didn't start yet. I am staying on campus for a few extra weeks to work for SmithCycle. SmithCycle is a program that collects, sorts and redistributes gently used dorm items students donate in the move-out process at the end of each school year. It gives purpose to items of reusable value and creates a more sustainable campus. In the past week, we have collected hundreds of bags (no exaggerations!) of items. Besides clothes, books, school and dorm supplies, some of the unexpected items include coffee makers, brand new water filters, and a monitor. One of my coworkers commented that first-years shouldn't have to shop clothes hangers again while they were going through three boxes of donated hangers.

The winter clothes we collected are going to the International Students and Scholars Office. They have an event called Winter Clothes Closet every fall where international students "shop" for free to help them get accustomed to the New England weather. School supplies will be moved into the Common Goods Resources Center which CEEDS hopes to launch in Fall 2021 (very exciting!). I cannot plug SmithCycle enough. If you are an incoming first-year, visit the Common Goods Resources center before you head to Target!

I have always been interested in sustainability and renewable energy and want to get more involved. When I saw the SmithCycle worker position posted on Workday, I immediately applied. Every SmithCycle worker's job varies. I am mainly responsible for washing and drying the linens and blankets. When waiting for the washer and dryer, I help with unloading the van that circulates between houses to pick up bags of donations. I also help with sorting. Pictured below is the inside of Scott Gym where all the items are currently stored.

Culprit 7: Summer Housing

As college transitions into summer, students who are staying on campus for some part of the summer had to move out of their spring housing assignment into their summer housing. I moved from Chapin, the house in central campus, to Capen, which is on the periphery of Smith. I know Chapin and Capen sound alike, but they are very different houses location-wise and personality-wise! To make up for its distance to the academic buildings, Capen House has its own garden, Capen Garden. The garden a gorgeous place many current Smithies are missing out on. There is a mini fountain, hedges, a garden temple, a plant arch, and a bizarre owl statue. Look at the last picture of the garden in this blog, and you will agree with me that the Paradise Pond is overrated.

Built in 1825 and acquired by Smith in 1921, Capen House is named after Bessie Capen, the second woman to be admitted to MIT. She taught chemistry at Smith College. Fun fact: Bessie Capen was once the associate principal of the Mary A. Burnham School for Girls, now Stoneleigh-Burham School; I went there for horseback riding lessons during my first year at Smith. Small world, right?

Case Closed

Thanks for reading this long-ish explanation. I hope my tardiness in delivering this post may be justified by the causes above. To compensate, I will write about my other summer plans and updates in the next few weeks. Stay tuned! Meanwhile, enjoy your summer!

#puppetry #piano #music #finals #smithcycle #capen house #capen garden #summer #pfizer #college #Smith College

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