#Was gonna cook something but I woke up at 7:30 lol

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

I do NOT have my life together this morning

[justgillespie]

Missing (3/?)

Summary: Your next door neighbor, Luke Patterson (a.k.a. your longtime crush) has gone missing, and you think you could help finding him.

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: None!

Author’s note: So the third part just needed to be edited and now here it is! When I said as soon as possible, I meant it lol xo

Part 4

•

“This better be good. I was in the middle of a game-.”

“I have news”

At last, you decided to call Max first.

“I have one of the band members’ phone number.” You added.

“What?! How?”

“My sister gave it to me. Long story. Should I call now?”

“Well, yes obviously!”

“Okay, okay I’m on it. I’ll call you later.”

You finally dialed the number and patiently waited.

“Hello?” You heard a male’s voice.

“Hello, um...” It wasn’t until that moment that you realized: you didn’t know who you were calling, exactly.

You decided to improvise.

“Is Alex home?”

“Alex?”

The confused voice made you panic.

“What about Reggie?”

The silence made you add “Bobby?”

“Sorry, wrong number.”

The man hung up before you could say anything else.

You groaned.

I’m gonna get so pissed if Tamra was playing with me, you thought, but you wanted to believe that that was not the case.

“What if Tamra wrote a wrong number?”

Max asked once you called him back and explained what happened.

“Don’t think so. She told me the guy gave it to her.”

“Maybe he wrote it wrong.”

“I don’t know.” You sighed. “I guess we’ll just call it a night. See you tomorrow.”

He said goodbye back and you hung up.

“So? How did it go?” Tamra asked from the couch, when you were heading to the kitchen.

“It was a wrong number. Were you just making fun of me?”

She scoffed. “I’m not that bored. No. That was the number he gave me. Maybe he changed it.”

“Thanks anyways.”

You went to grab a popsicle from the freezer and went to your room.

The only idea stuck on your head was to go to the Patterson’s. And you knew pretty well there wasn’t much they could give you. The other idea was to convince Max to stop being complicated and just ask people in his school about the band.

You would go for the second one. You rapidly came up with a plan, and the next morning, you were ready.

Max woke up pretty early for school because he took the school bus, around the corner.

That morning, you woke up thirty minutes earlier than usual (and before anyone else), got ready as fast as you could, and, in a blink, you were next to a sleepy Max in the bus stop.

“What the-? What are you doing here?” He asked once he saw you.

“Going to school. With you.”

“Are you asleep? You do know we don’t go to the same school, right?”

“Oh, I know.”

You faced the street in front of you, pretending to wait for the bus.

“First of all, I barely believe you will get away with getting into my school. And second of all, why would you want to go?”

“Because if you don’t wanna talk to your classmates about Luke, then I will.”

“You can’t be serious.” He said, just when the bus was turning the corner to their street.

“You better believe I am.”

The bus stopped in front of them and you decided to take a step ahead Max and get into the bus, but he stopped you on the steps.

“Y/N.” He said laughing nervously. “You can’t go to my school, that’s insane.”

“Kids, come on. I don’t have all day.” The bus driver said from his seat.

“Then talk to people! We can finish this as soon as possible if you at least try!” You talked despite the man’s warning.

“Oh my gosh! Why do you insist so much?!”

“Are you serious?! We’re talking about a missing person!”

“I’m leaving.” The bus driver said, and you took one more step before Max stopped you again.

“Fine. Fine! I’ll do it. Okay? Just, please stop this and go to YOUR school.”

You squealed and hugged him, and you finally left after thanking him.

Your heart was still racing even after you silently entered your house from the backdoor and you rested against it. You sighed, a laugh in between. You did not know what would have you done if your plan didn’t work. Maybe you were trusting Max too much. He could’ve just said he would do it for you to leave the bus.

But your optimistic self didn’t mind that thought.

You went back to your room, and as soon as you lied back down on your bed, your usual alarm went off. You stopped it. You were ready anyways, so a little bit more of sleep didn’t harm anyone.

Except yourself.

You fell asleep and you didn’t hear your parents calling you until your mom went up to wake you up.

“Y/N-.”

You snapped your eyes open.

“I’m so sorry! I’m going downstairs now, I’m all dressed, I-.”

“You’re not going. Your sister already left.”

You checked your alarm clock. It was 7:57. You always left at 7:40.

“I can’t believe her sometimes. I told her to come call you. It was weird you were still asleep.” Your mom rubbed her temples. Then, she looked back at you. “Your dad and I are going to work now. You’ll stay here, okay? And go to the Pattersons’ for lunch. I’ll call Emily.”

“Mom, I can cook for myself.” If calling Nito’s Pizzeria counted as cooking. “You don’t have to bother Mrs. Patterson.”

“You’re going.” She demanded. “I’ll see you later, okay? Take care.”

She kissed your forehead and left the room.

Well, you had a lot of free time now.

You smiled. This was good. You could continue your investigation.

You got up ready to get started but then you realized. You didn’t know what to do. You still counted on Max to get the important information. And unlike you, he did go to school. You had plenty of time before he came back.

You lied back down on your bed, looking at the ceiling.

You were going to the Pattersons’ house.

You knew you weren’t gonna get out of there with much information but, maybe there will be something...

You got up and opened your window.

Luke’s room was the same as the last time you checked it. Which was last night. Now, it was neat. You figured Mrs. Patterson must have cleaned it.

You focused on the Sunset Curve poster. Why was it so hard to find any of them? If only you could see his room a little closer, maybe you could find something there that could help you.

His room.

A smile slowly appeard on your face.

You were going to Luke’s house today. Maybe you could ask Mrs. Patterson to check his room...

You shook your head. That was something weird to ask. Even if you had good intentions. At least you had the first step done, which was going to his house.

You decided to show up earlier than expected, hoping Mrs. Patterson didn’t mind.

“Oh, hi, sweetie!” Emily said when she opened her door. She was clearly surprised.

She looked tired, but still managed to have a smile on her face.

“Good morning, Mrs. Patterson. I hope it’s okay I come earlier than my mom told you I would”

It was just 8:30. You weren’t supposed to be there until four hours later.

“Oh, no, it’s totally fine! It’s nice to have some company. Come in.” She motioned for you to get into the house and so you did.

You looked around, curious. It was a really nice household.

“Mitch goes to work early and I stay here pretty much all day until he comes back. So I’m really glad you’re here.” She smiled at you again. “I was actually now deciding what should I make for lunch. Does lasagna sound good to you?”

“Sounds perfect.” You smiled back at her. “Do you need any help with that?”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. You make yourself comfortable. Oh, and for dessert I was thinking that maybe we could bake some cookies?”

You immediately gave her a big smile and Mrs. Patterson chuckled.

“I think I have my answer. I’ll call you to make the dough once I’m finished with lunch, okay? You can turn on the tv if you want to. I’ll be right there.” She pointed the kitchen.

You thanked her before she left.

So, you were there. You were at Luke’s house. The next step was to get into his room. You could sneak in but, would that be fair to Mrs. Patterson, who’s been super sweet to you? But how were you supposed to ask to get into her son’s room?

You bit your thumbnail.

But you were there already. You couldn’t just lose that opportunity.

You visualized some framed photos around the living room and you took one with your hands to see it closer. It was Luke, when he was a baby. You smiled and felt embarrassed for being excited about baby pictures of a boy who you barely knew.

You shook your heard. Remember rule number 1, you thought.

Still, you couldn’t help but keep watching the rest.

There weren’t many in sight. They probably kept way more in photo albums. If you didn’t know that Luke had some issues with his parents (and you didn’t until a few nights ago), you could’ve never tell there was something going on. In every single picture, Luke wore a beautiful smile. He seemed happy. And not only in the pictures.

He looked happy when he was singing, when he was playing the guitar, when he said hi to you on his way to who-knows-exactly-where...

Of course, it could be quite suspicious the fact that he wasn’t home most of the time. But still. How many times did he probably come out of his house after a fight with his mom, and still managed to pretend that anything happened?

He’s been suffering by himself.

It was then when you noticed the flyers on the sofa. A picture of Luke was plastered on it, with the word “Missing” on top of it.

Your heart skipped a beat. You forgot your mom said they were hanging flyers if Luke didn’t come back yesterday. You felt the urge to shred them and throw them away.

He will be back. You will find him.

You left the living room and made your way to the kitchen.

“Everything okay, sweetie?” Mrs. Patterson asked when she saw you. She was boiling something on the stove.

“Everything’s perfect, Mrs. Patterson. Thanks again, for letting me come.”

“Oh, it’s okay, really. You’re always welcome.” She smiled at you and went back to stirring whatever was in her cooking pot. “Your mom told me you fell asleep.”

“Yeah... I was a little extra tired today.”

She chuckled. “I understand. At least you set your own alarm and get ready by yourself. I have to fight Luke to just wake up. And don’t get me started on getting him out of bed.”

You chuckled, not adding anything else. The moment was very fragile, and you didn’t want to say anything wrong.

“You do dance, right?” She asked then.

You nodded, thinking that maybe your mom told her something about that too.

“I figured. Of course, Sandra told me something but it’s easy to tell you’re a dancer by the way you’re standing.”

You smiled shyly, knowing what she meant. You were standing in a nice third position, ironically, because dancers your age don’t even use that position.

You talked about your dance experience and after a while, you both were just talking about everything. You felt at ease with Mrs. Patterson pretty quickly. She just made it feel that way. You helped her making the lasagna, after all, and after putting it into the oven, you both started making the cookie dough.

“I usually bake with my sister. We both have a sweet tooth.” You commented, cracking two eggs into the bowl Mrs. Patterson had in front of her.

“Oh, me too. Dessert is completely mandatory in this house. A rule that I made, of course.” Mrs. Patterson said and you laughed.

“I should make a similar rule in my house. We only have dessert on birthdays or holidays.”

“I encourage you to do so.” She chuckled, mixing with a whisk the batter in her bowl.

She then asked you to hand her the vanilla and baking powder.

“You guys seem close.” She said, still mixing in her bowl. “You and Tamra.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess.” You leaned your head. “It’s just been harder to hang out ever since the start of this year. It’s her senior year.” You said, although you thought she might’ve known that already. “But I guess I get it. I’m sure she just wants to enjoy her friends before going to college. Her family will always be here but her school friends won’t. She’s going to Berkeley, by the way.”

You thought about it, but you didn’t mention how glad you were she didn’t want to leave the state. You didn’t want your parents to transform Tamra’s room on a gym (something they never actually talked about, but you saw it on a movie).

Mrs. Patterson added the flour and she let you add the chocolate chips, before mixing again.

“Sandra told me so, I’m really glad... here. You can start to shape them into little balls. I’ll grease the stray.” You obeyed and she also did her task. “How old is Tamra, by the way?”

“She’s turning nineteen in a few weeks. She failed first grade, so she’s a year behind.” You explained, as soon as you saw the confusion in Mrs. Patterson’s face.

“Really?”

“Yeah... back then they just came from Texas due to my parents’ job, so they were with lots of stuff like bringing all of their belongings, they also had to work and on top of all that, they had to take care of Tamra. They didn’t want her to grow up with a nanny, so they would take her with them everywhere. She would ditch school a lot, and therefore she didn’t have a great time at exams.” You placed several dough balls in the tray.

“I think that’s pretty sweet. There are kids that grow up with practically strangers and then go against their parents for that.”

“Mhmm.”

She took the tray and put it in the freezer.

It was 12 p.m. when you both sat on the table and had lunch.

“Your mom... told me about what you’re doing. That you’re helping to find Luke.”

Your heart raced. And you thought that maybe she noticed the panic in your eyes, because she rapidly added something else.

“I just wanted to say thank you, Y/N. Because... I know you guys weren’t close. I don’t think I ever even saw you talking but... you’re still doing this, and I can’t thank you enough. And I just wanted to say that if you need anything, don’t hesitate on calling me.”

She had tears in her eyes which immediately softened your heart, and made you tear up too.

You squeezed her hand.

You knew she said all of this for two reasons. She meant it, but she also knew you were just a sixteen year old, after all. You were aware of that too. How much could you possibly do? But you were willing to do anything. Even when the adults around you didn’t exactly believe you could.

“Just promise me you won’t forget about school or dance while you’re at it. That you will take care and will not go through this alone.”

“I promise.”

She had a doubtful look on her face for a moment, but at last, she spoke. “You know, we haven’t talked to the police yet. But I think we might soon. I just... I didn’t want to call them because I know Luke is safe. I know he’s smart enough to go somewhere he’ll be okay. But he hasn’t come back. And I just can’t help but be worried. I wanna see him. I wanna talk to him. I know he might be in a friend’s house. I suspect it might be someone from his band... Oh!” She sobbed. “I just wish I supported him more. I wish I was more interested on the people he was seeing. Maybe that way we could’ve found him already...”

You got up to hug her from behind, around the shoulders, while she stayed on her seat. “It’s not your fault, Mrs. Patterson. When he comes back, you’ll have another chance. I promise I’ll do anything I can to help you get that second chance. Maybe you won’t even need to call the police.”

“Oh, dear.” She hugged your arms. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

You then pulled back and went to your seat.

“What a mess.” Emily chuckled, cleaning her face with a kitchen cloth. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You looked like you needed it.”

She nodded. “I really did. Thank you.”

A comfortable silence grew between the two of you after that conversation, while you finished your food.

“Mrs. Patterson, actually, I was thinking on asking you something...”

“Sure, sweetheart, what is it?”

Your heart pounded against your chest again. You were doing this.

“I just wanted to know if... if I could check Luke’s room? It’s all for the investigation, I promise I’m not a creep.”

For your surprise, she chuckled, and then looked down for a second.

“Luke really didn’t like people getting into his room... but I guess this could be an exception. It is a peculiar situation, anyways.”

[zappho]

Some Meta on Murdock and mental illness

Generally speakig, The A-Team is a dumbass, light-hearted comedy with action on the same level as youtube poop videos. Obviously there isn’t alot of depth to be found here. The show had tons of different writers, all with their own take on Murdock and none of them offer any clear info or a proper backstory for the character. It’s basically up to the audience to fill in the blanks and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do by overanalyzing the mess that is the show’s canon.

The question of whether Murdock is ‘‘‘really crazy or just faking’‘’ has been around for over 30 years, but I’m gonna argue that he’s both.

When Kelly visits Murdock in the psychiatric hospital and confronts him about why he’s living there in the first place he gets instantly uncomfortable.

He really didn’t want her to ask, it’s why he’s been avoiding her. Joking about how you’re hashtag crazy™ is easy; having to admit that you’ve been institutionalized for over 10 years because you have legitimate problems is much harder. (Sure, the VA also gives him a convenient cover from the military police, but if that was the only reason for him to stay he wouldn’t react to Kelly’s question in this way). “It’s a long story”, is all he says. There are clearly some painful memories here that he’d rather not delve into.

He’d have to explain how he got committed in the first place. We know that after the gang was arrested for war crimes in ‘71, Murdock was still serving as a pilot in ‘72. They never clarified when and how Murdock was sent home, but i’m guessing without his only friends around and it being, you know...war, his mental health eventually deteriorated until he received a medical discharge straight into the VA hospital.

After Murdock gets wrongly released in season 1, instead of his friends being worried about his supposed cover getting blown they just shrug it off and go ‘Oh well!’ (This could all be due to the show’s inconsistent writing, but you know)

No longer being an inpatient would finally allow Murdock to be employed as a pilot again (his #1 passion), and yet he seems really disheartened about the situation. Even though the hospital gives him no privacy, the staff barely respects him and he spends most of his time there by himself, he still prefers to stay.

For a character who’s allegedly cheery comic relief, he sure gets his feelings hurt alot, mainly when dealing with other people’s ableism towards him. B.A. and Face are obviously just palling around, just guys bein’ dudes, they don’t want to hurt Murdock for real, they probably don’t realize how sensitive Murdock is about the subject. Usually he plays along or shrugs it off, but sometimes he gets genuinely upset. In the first half of In Plane Sight he’s so fed up with it he tries to ‘‘act normal’‘ until #Woke #Queen Hannibal reassures him that they love him the way he is.

PTSD was barely starting to become a diagnosis when the show first aired, but I think it’s fair to say he suffers from it. The pilot episode states that he has anxiety, paranoia and memory loss, so that checks out.

With PTSD you don’t just have to deal with flashbacks and nightmares, but also intrusive thoughts, images and memories about your trauma. Murdock copes with it by getting hyperfixated on a new activity or pretending he’s someone else. This is were alot of people will go ‘‘haha wow look how wacky and insane he is! He’s talking to his sock 😂’‘. But Murdock knows it’s all made up nonsense, he just needs his mind to focus on something else. What’s important here is that he never lets his coping mechanisms distract him when he’s flying, first of all he’s already focused and also he doesn’t wanna crash (lol). There’s a believability to his actions that’s missing in the 2010 reboot.

In the episode where the gang helps out the vietnamese cook from the POW camp where they’ve been tortured, Murdock tries to distract himself with some golfballs. He soon starts projecting his trauma on them however.

I think this is the only time in the show where Hannibal tears up, so this scene is kinda significant. As the leader, he probably blames himself for getting his team captured and tortured, and seeing that Murdock is still so strongly affected by it gotta hurt. 

Compared to the rest of the gang, Murdock’s alot more fucked up over the war. There are subtle changes in his voice whenever he talks about it. In the ep about their old war buddy Ray, Face was reminiscing about how cool of a guy Ray was for borrowing him his helmet, Murdock’s memories meanwhile are much less upbeat. ‘My bird was the only one left in the sky’ he remembers while we see an image of a field filled with shot down helicopters. His experiences are bound to be different from the other three as a huey medevac pilot. Murdock did have one off-screen breakdown in the present timeline, after collecting every newspaper article about the upcoming execution of the team in Firing Line. Apparently it was bad enough that he had to be restrained. It’s been 10 years, so he’s recovering and getting better, but he’s still not all there yet.

Everyone knows Murdock’s just messing around when he’s being interrogated by the military about his connections to the team, but like what about when the military isn’t there; or NO ONE is. He often talks to himself or just puts weird shit in his mouth for no reason while nobody’s paying attention to him (eating leaves, paint, an entire raw egg, a frozen sandwich). Sometimes he’s just unhinged like that.

Another thing that’s brought up a few times in the show is his anxiety. Murdock’s often seen being generally tense, sweaty, uncomfortable or reflective in the background of a scene. (I have no idea if this was a deliberate acting choice but Dwight does have anxiety irl so who knows if that had anything to do with it, I mean who knowsssssss, i’m just observing)

He’s got a habit of fidgeting with his hands or touching his neck when he’s stressed out. Murdock also does it when he’s telling his psychiatrist Dr. Richter about his dreams “If you were me, wouldn’t you be terrified to put your head down?” he asks him.

Richter isn’t really paying attention though, because he’s so used to Murdock’s non-stop clownery, he can’t exactly tell when his patient decides to be honest about his feelings for once. He just replies ‘Well only if it was a bad dream’. Which really irritates Murdock because what other dreams besides bad would he have? So he derails the session by rambling some made up bullshit on purpose.

Richter knows that Murdock uses humor and fantasy to cope, but he’s obviously tired of Murdock’s cringe antics, he just wants to help him. But Murdock doesn’t like to open up and be confronted with his traumas again, he just wants to avoid talking about it all together. There are still parts of reality that Murdock’s not ready to deal with, or he wouldn’t always retreat into his fantasies.

Before he can continue messing around a helicopter passes by and Murdock freezes for a second. Richter assures him that the helicopter is real; Murdock nods and starts fidgeting with his hands again, seemingly in deep thought. We know from the season 4 finale that he hears the sound of rotor blades when he dissociates. He was definitely being sincere here.

After getting drugged by some military goons he has a few brief flashbacks (feat. cheesy 80′s neon filters): seeing the chopper fly away, getting stuck in a potted plant as if he was walking through the jungle, being surrounded by heavy smoke and sparks from the burning carpet).

Despite being the 2nd highest ranked team member, Murdock dislikes being in charge and gets severly distressed when anything goes wrong that he might even be slightly responsible for. Most notably is the episode where the owners of the diner get kidnapped after Murdock got knocked out by evil cowboys or hill billies or whatever they were. Instead of telling anyone what happened, he’s just lying on the floor, repeatedly calling himself a failure until the others show up.

Seems like Murdock gets startled more easily than the rest of the crew as well. We often see him flinch when guns go off; one time he literally wore fluffy ear muffs to a backalley shootout.

This short moment from Family Reunion always stood out to me. Face opens the van door a little too quickly and it takes Murdock so off-guard he has to take deep breaths to calm down.

Murdock sounds exhausted when he has to remind Face not to sneak up on him. Face also realizes he messed up, he just wanted to check up on Murdock and not trigger him on accident.

When it comes to portrayals of mental illness in fiction there’s obviously better representation out there than Murdock. But sometimes you just wanna see a mentally ill character have a good time instead of being miserable 24/7. And Murdock’s already got the worst behind him, he’s had therapy for years and friends who love him. I just think that’s refreshing to see, especially with a character who’s so kind and openly affectionate.

[harry-styles-sunflower]

Meeting You In The Hallway Part 2

a/n: HII lovely people! I hope you are all doing well today! This is part 2 of Meeting you in the Hallway. A lot happens in this chapter, y/n and H gonna get real close. 

What it is: You move into the apartment across the hall from Harry and you begin a friendship which you both want more from but can’t communicate that want.

Word Count: 5.7k

Warning: fluff, some cursing, sexual tensionnn, & lil bit of smut.

Pls reblog if you like it 😊 I literally have so much homework to do now because I wrote this instead LOL. 

~~~

You woke up at 4:00 pm. 2 hours before your shift started. You had only one more week on the night shift. Then you’d have a regular schedule. You took one hour to get ready. You basically just showered, did your hair, and put some mascara on. You put your scrubs on and compression socks that had little sunflowers on them. They were your favorites. Around 6:00 you poured yourself a bowl of cereal and packed your dinner Tupperware in your bag. You made it the night before so you could have it ready for today. As you were eating your cereal you heard 3 slow knocks on your door. You got up and checked the peephole just in case. Low and behold it was Harry. You opened the door and were greeted by a very cheesy smile.

“Hi” you looked at him a little confused.

“Hi. I’m really sorry to bother you but um.. Do you have an egg?”

“An egg?”

“Yeah. Just the one” he said with a small smile on his lips.

You shook your head playfully. “Come inside”

You walked further into your apartment towards your kitchen.

Harry watched you as you walked away. He watched as your scrubs hugged your ass and hips. How your scrub top was tighter around your waist. He noticed your sunflower socks and smiled a little.

You reached inside your fridge and grabbed 2 eggs. “Here, just in case one breaks on the way back over”

“Are you calling me clumsy y/n?” He smirked at you.

“No, just think it’s better to be safe than sorry” you shrugged.

“Are you a nurse?”

“Yeah. I’m leaving in a few minutes” you told him.

“Leaving? It’s like 6:15 at night”

“Yeah. Night shift.”

“Oh” he said a little sad you had to go soon.

“Yeah. I’m going to day shift soon though. Thank God” you sighed.

“Don’t like night shift?”

“I don’t like being awake when people are asleep and being asleep when people are awake. It sucks”

He nodded his head in understanding.

“Well, I’m making cookies. Hence the eggs. Do you want some? I can drop them off tomorrow.” He offered.

You smiled and nodded. It was sweet how he thought of you.

“Okay. Well I’m gonna let you go then. Thanks for the eggsss” he said as he playfully put an emphasis on the S at the end.

“No problem,” you laughed. “Hey I’m actually leaving right now anyway. We can walk out together” you grabbed your bag and washed your cereal bowl. He watched you the whole time, noticing how you your scrub top lifted a little bit when you reached for your reusable Starbucks cup to fill with water.

“Okay I’m all done” you breathed out and looked at him. You caught him staring for a small second before he got up quickly and waited for you to walk out. You put your crocs on before you opened your door and you heard a small laugh behind you.

“What?”

“Nothing it’s just the little cartoons on your shoes are adorable” he smiled so that you could see his dimples in your small hallway.

“They’re called jibbitz and I just got them for the kids. Child friendly you know?” You explained. You both looked down staring at your feet. Your right foot was filled with the faces of all the Disney princess’ and your left foot was filled with all the superheroes you could fit. You could hear his low chuckle and you two both looked up at the same time. At this point your faces were just a few inches apart. You could’ve sworn you heard him suck in a breath. You turned around and unlocked your door and took a deep breath of the hallway air. Harry followed you out and you locked your door and tucked your keys in your pockets.

“Have a good night.. at work”

“Thanks. Have fun baking”

“Thanks”

You never look at him for too long. Scared you’ll be caught staring the same way you caught him. But just before you left you noticed he’s always wearing long sleeves. At least that you’ve seen.

“Try not to overheat. Baking can get pretty warm” you said pointing to his long sleeves.

“Oh yeah. I always keep the temp in my place at like 60°. I get cold so I just put a long sleeve shirt on.”

“Why not just put the temperature up?”

“What’s the fun and coziness in that?” He smiled down at you.

You laughed and shook your head, “Right. Well goodnight harry”

“Goodnight y/n”

~~~

7 am rolls around faster than you thought. You say bye to your friends from work and grab your bag before leaving. You walk home because the sidewalks aren't as busy as they will be in an hour. Exhausted, you say hi to Pat and go inside. You catch your curly headed neighbor with his hair up in a small pony and a tank top with shorts. For the first time you see how many tattoos he has. You pop up next to him as you both now wait for the elevator. 

"You're up early"

"Oh hey. How was work?" he looks down at you.

"it was… exhausting" you decide to not tell him the sad gory details of your night. Your patient threw up on you because of their chemo treatment and you needed to change your scrubs at the very beginning of your shift. "Were you walking?"

"Running. Jogging. Helps me clear my mind" he says as he waits for you to go in the elevator first.

You walk in and when you turn around you can see he has even more tattoos on his legs. You find them kind of hot. Wanting to know more and see more. He stands next to you as you wait for the elevator to land on the 17th floor.

"Do you work again tonight?"

"Yeah. Why?" you looked up at him. He was staring straight ahead.

"Nothing. Was just gonna invite you to my gig." he looks down at you and there seems to be disappointment in his eyes.

"Oh sorry. Maybe another night." you say quietly. "What do you do? Poetry? Sing? Can't be comedy." you say with a small smirk.

"Actually, I'm a very funny person y/n," he faces you. "But I-" he pauses as someone walks in.

Soon we land on the 17th floor and our elevator conversation seems to have ended by the time we make it to our doors.

"So… do you just go to sleep now?" he asked as he opened his door.

"Yeah basically. I mean I shower and eat something before I fall asleep." you answer as you open your door and turn around.

"Oh okay. I was gonna make breakfast, if you wanted some."

"Depends. What's on the menu?" you kicked your shoes off and leaned on your doorframe.

He watched you and said, "Today? I'm thinking…waffles?"

"Mmm, I'll be over in 30." just as you were about to shut your door he said, "No um I'll come and bring them over. With the cookies."

"Okay"

He left and you both closed your doors. It was nice to have a new friend. A friend that looked like a Greek god but still, a friend.

You walked into your bedroom and dug through the last few boxes you had left. You grab a clean towel and clean pajamas as you walk into your bathroom. You set the water to be warm because it was already way too hot today. You thought back to Harry. He seemed to love cooking and baking. You've only known him a few days but you already felt friendly enough. You remembered his tattoos. You wanted to ask if there was a story behind his heart tattoo.  

Pouring some peach scented shampoo onto your hands, you began rubbing your hair and massaging it in. You remember how large his hands looked when he grabbed the two eggs yesterday. They looked miniature in his hands. Your thoughts began to escape you as you relaxed under the warm water and you wondered what it felt like to have his hands on your body. Remembering he was probably waiting on you to eat, you shook your thoughts out of your head and shut the water off.

"Its just a stupid crush" you mumbled to yourself as you put your pjs on.

~~~

As Harry was mixing the batter for waffles he began to think about you. He wanted to know more about your night and why you looked so exhausted. He wanted to hear you talk for hours. He couldn't explain for the life of him why he wanted to be around you every chance he got. He rushed to make at least 5 waffles for you. He cut up some strawberries and packed some berries. He packed everything in some Tupperware and grabbed the chocolate drizzle and whipped cream. Before he left his place he grabbed his phone and thought of how to subtly get your number.

He knocked on your door three times and you opened pretty quickly. 

"Hey" you smiled at him. 

He noticed how you had no more makeup on your eyes and you looked even more beautiful. "H-hey" he cleared his throat. 

You noticed all the Tupperware in his hands and you grabbed a few as he walked in. "You're eating some of these waffles right? Five is too much for me." 

"Oh yeah sure." He put all the bowls down. 

"You weren't planning on watching me eat were you?" you said as you got two cups from your cupboard. He looked at your silk button up and matching shorts. They were a light pink. Your skin looked so soft. 

"No." Yes. "I was just making yours first so you could go to sleep faster. You said you were exhausted"

"Oh, well thanks. I appreciate that." you tried to hide your blush so you looked down at your plate. "Do you like to cook?" you couldn't help but ask.

"Yeah actually. It's just a hobby. I like to mix new things and try them out."

You watched his hands, noticing the chipped nail polish on them for the first time.

"Well, if you had a restaurant," you say as you take a bite of the waffle with whipped cream and strawberry, "I'd give you 5 stars." You smile cheeks full.

He gave you a dimply smile before mumbling a "thank you" and looking down. You planned on only eating two waffles but they were so good you guys split the fifth one.

"You never told me what you do at your gigs" you mentioned before stuffing your mouth again.

"Oh um I sing. Play some guitar too" he said as he focused on cutting his waffle.

"That’s so cool, is that what you do for a living?" you looked up at him.

With a throaty chuckle he shook his head no. "My job is a secret" he said right before taking a sip of his orange juice.

"Oh okay," you nodded, "So you can know what I do, but I can't know what you do. Mysterious man."

"Exactly!" he laughed.

You just shook your head and picked up your plate and cup and brought it to the dishwasher. Eventually Harry brought his too. Eating just the leftover strawberries now, you gave yourself time to stare at him a little. He was preoccupied with something on his phone. You noticed a small earring in his ear. You could tell he had more tattoos that covered his chest. A little bit of stubble had grown on him since the first time you met. You also noticed how he rushed to make you breakfast that he hadn’t showered after his run. When he finished with whatever he was preoccupied with a yawn escaped you.

"Well, I'm glad you liked breakfast. I hope you enjoy the cookies. Get some rest yeah?" he got up from his seat at your small table and walked over to where you were standing. You were leaning against doorway that led to your small hallway.

"Yeah thank you, again" You were eye level with the swallows on his chest that were peeking out from under his shirt.

 "No problem. Have a good night tonight." he looked anywhere but you as he said.

"Yeah you too, good luck!"

 "Thanks" he left and closed your door behind him.

Biting your lip you walked off to your bedroom to dream about the curly headed man across the hall.

As the door shut behind Harry, he silently cursed to himself. He had forgotten to get your number.

~~~

One Month Later

 You’ve been on the day shift a few weeks now. You had settled into a new routine. Wake up at 5:00 am, be out of your house by 6:00, meet Harry in the hallway before he went for his jog and he'd give you a smoothie before you left for work, be at work for report by 7, work until 7:00 pm. Get home around 7:30, shower, eat dinner with Harry, then sleep to do it all over again if you had to work the next day.

 Your friendship with Harry had progressed. You two basically took care of one another. He'd feed you every day and you'd do his laundry as a way to repay him. You’d say you two got to a level of comfortability around each other but you still oddly enough had never been to his place, knew what he did for a living, or been to one of his gigs. He'd say he didn’t have any performances coming up but some nights he would leave after dinner a little earlier than usual. You knew all the stories behind his tattoos. One day when you were doing laundry he asked you to toss in the shirt he was wearing and when he took it off you saw the tattoos you had been missing. That day he gave you the rundown on all of them.

 You could tell he was getting more comfortable around you because he didn’t seem so nervous to say the wrong thing anymore and every time he saw you, sweaty or not he'd give you a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He explained its what they did in France when two people were friends. When I mentioned he wasn’t even French he waved me off.

 You were currently on your couch on your day off waiting for Harry to come back from the kitchen with your popcorn and white wine. You had gotten him into watching The Vampire Diaries and as much as he would criticize the show, some scenes just grasped all his attention.

 "Har?" you called for him. Your new nickname for him that he said he didn’t mind.

 "I'm coming I'm coming" he said as he walked in with two wine glasses between his fingers, a wine bottle in one hand, and the popcorn in his other.

 "You know, you kind of look like Stefan. Similar noses, same um cupid's bow" you said pointing to yours. "You guys both also do the same thing with your eyebrows when you're serious.

 "You’ve been looking at my cupid's bow?" he grinned at you while pouring you a glass.

 "Oh don't start" you rolled your eyes taking a sip.

 You began watching season 2 episode 9. You knew what was going to happen but Harry had no clue. He absolutely loved Damon and thought Stefan was pathetic. You somewhat disagreed with him but still allowed him his opinion. It slowly got to the scene where Damon confesses his love for Elena. You mouth every single word and even a tear slips out when Damon's falls but you wipe it quickly.  You watched Harry as he watched the screen, his mouth slightly opened.

 "Okay but why in the bloody hell would he compel her to forget! Ugh this show frustrates me" He sighed laying back against in the couch.

 "He couldn’t be selfish… have you ever wanted to say something to someone but you knew it would be selfish if you did?" you looked over at him.

 Suddenly his facial features hardened and he swallowed before answering, "yes, actually. I guess I do understand Damon."

 "Well, yeah" you played the next episode and drank your wine. You felt your eyes get heavy the more you drank it.

 Next thing you knew you felt something hard against your cheek and puffs of air on your forehead. You were moving. You opened your eyes slowly and realized Harry was carrying you into your room. You closed your eyes again and you let him place you on your soft mattress and you felt him tuck you in under the blanket. Your eyes fluttered open slowly and you looked up at him. He gave you a small smile and moved your hair out of your face.

 "Go to back to sleep, love" He bent down and gave you a kiss on the cheek. "I'll lock up"

 You gave him a slow nod and drifted back to sleep. As Harry closed your door behind him, he mumbled to himself, "I can't be selfish".

 ~~~

One Week Later

 You were currently getting ready for the day. Your body was used to waking up early for work so it was around 7 am. You wanted to catch Harry on his way back from his run. You were able to hear the elevator ding from your apartment because it was still so quiet on your floor. You ran to your door and opened it just enough to see if it was Harry. Once you were able to see his bright pink sneakers you hid just a little more so that right when he was about to open his door you jumped out and yelled “HI”.

 He jumped and turned around, “Fuck me y/n” he placed his hand over his heart and breathed heavily.

 You giggled and leaned against your door frame. “Is that really what you want?” You grinned up at him.

 He shook his head at you with a small smile. “I was just trying to open my door in peace”

 “So, do that. Open it.” You pushed on. You wanted to know why you still were never invited over.

 Harry sighed and played with his keys. “I have something to tell you”

 “I knew it, your hiding like a huge sex doll in there or something right?”

 “You know,” he approached you and put his hand over your head leaning on your doorframe too, “you can be a little annoying sometimes”.

 “That’s rude,” he smelled like sweat and musk mixed, “but I know. Okay what’s up?”

 He looked away from you as he spoke. “Alright, first off. My apartments always a mess and it’s not what you think. You know me as some guy who comes to your place and cooks and I run… but you don’t know this big part of my life.”

 “To be fair you haven’t let me,” You look up at him. His body is inches away from yours and you want to touch him in some way to make him more comfortable but you don’t know how.  

 “I know. It’s not like you’re judgmental I just don’t want you to see me differently.” 

 “Har, as long as you’re not some creepy dude that watches some weird shit, like illegal shit, I really don’t care. You’re my friend, I’ll support you in whatever.” You poked him where his butterfly lay under his shirt.

 “If you say so,” he turned around and opened his apartment, “come in” he opened the door open for you.

 You walked in and it was a short hallway like yours. When you walked in you could see the mess he was talking about but it wasn’t horrible. Papers on the floor in his living room but his kitchen was spotless. He spent the rest of the morning making breakfast for you two while you just watched. You told him about your last few patients and how one was officially cancer free. He always loved hearing you talk about them, especially the success stories. He was there for you for the unsuccessful ones but you both didn't like to talk about them too much.

~~~

It was now 5 pm, you could see the door that led to his room. You weren’t going to push it and ask to see though. You saw a few bedazzled jackets on his couch. You ran your fingers over one.

 “I have a gig tonight.”

 “You do?!” You jumped excitedly, “Har, I don’t see why you were so nervous.” You look around. “I don’t see a sex doll”

 “So annoying.” he walked into his room. You followed but stopped at the doorway. “Come in y/n”

 You walked in slowly and looked around. A few more papers crumpled up on the floor.

 “The outfits I wear are a little…” he looked into his closet. Your eyes followed his and you could see why he was nervous. There were skirts, bedazzled coats, pants, and all of different colors.

 “You little shit.. You had a closet like this and didn’t share?” You pushed him out of the way and began looking at all the clothes individually.

 Harry smiled behind you, happy with your reaction. He looked at the way your eyes lit up over feeling certain fabrics. “Do you uh, wanna help me pick an outfit for tonight?”

 You turned around quickly and looked up at him. “Yes,” You tried to contain your excitement. “Go shower, I’ll put some outfits together.”

 He turned on his heel and listened to you. You began setting outfits on his bed. You settled on setting down 4 outfits. One was a black dress shirt and white pants that flared outward. The second was a pink suit that had roses on its jacket on each side. The third was a red suit with black embroidered roses on it. The last one was a pink dress shirt with white high waisted pants and pink overalls. The last outfit was your favorite but you weren’t t going to mention it.

 You heard the shower cut off so you sat on his bed.

 He came out in just a towel wrapped around his waist. You focused on the detailing of the embroidered black roses on his red suit jacket. Or at least tried to focus on that.

 "Um I picked four options, I hope you like them." He came and sat next to you on the bed, his towel opening a bit between his legs.

 "I think I want to be comfortable tonight," he ran his fingers over all four options, "Might go with the black shirt and white pants."

"Okay cool," you were trying your best to look anywhere but at him.

 "I have a box at the bottom of my closet, a bunch of jewelry in there, could you pick some rings out? I'm just gonna keep my small earrings tonight and I don't really want a necklace. It'll be too hot"

 "I'm like your stylist"

 "Yeh, who knows, maybe if I make it big you will be" he sends a wink your way.

 "Don't think I'd have the heart to leave my patients." You grab the box. As you open it you look inside and see a bunch of rings and pearls. "Hey are your nails done?"

 "Eh a little chipped"

 "We'll fix that" you grab his H and S rings and set them next to you. Having your back towards him you could hear him putting his clothes on. "You know I have a gel kit, could help with the chipping problem."

"Oh really? Could you do them for me?"

"Yeah of course." you take out his rose ring and settle them down next to his initial rings. "Are you done?"

"Yeah I'm not putting the shirt on till later though, too hot."

You nodded, turned around, and grabbed his hand. You opened his hand up and dropped his rings inside.

"Thanks, grab me one more."

Confused, you looked inside the box and looked for one you liked. You decided on one that looked like it had a red gem. "Here" you gave it to him.

"Thanks, here take this one and wear it," he gave you back his S ring.

"Why?"

"So people know you're my other half"

You felt butterflies in your stomach but you suppressed them. He just saw you as friend, nothing more. You mumbled a thanks and slid it on your finger.

"Lets go back to my place, so I can do your nails. I know you like color but I was thinking white? Match your pants but it'll stand out against your black shirt"

"Yeah okay im alright with that."

You went back to your place and you got yourselves settled into your kitchen with the UV machine on. He concentrated on you as you painted the foundation clear polish on his nails.

"Har, is your job still a secret?"

"Eh, I guess I know you wont be a loud mouth about it anymore,"

You looked up and he was grinning, teasing you. You rolled your eyes and went back to painting his nails.

"I'm a writer. Author of a few books. Poetry."

"Liar, I've never heard of you." Although it did make sense with all of the paper crumbled over his floor.

"Pseudonym, love"

"Really?" You placed his soft hand under the light.

"Mhm. No one knows it. I like it that way. No one knows what I'm thinking sometimes."

"Not even your mother?"

"Not even her. She's read my work but only the ones I want her to read."

"Interesting" you say as you place his other hand under the light.

He nods and continues watching you. Soon you finish up and he stares at them amazed. "Wait so I don’t have to wait for them to dry?"

"Nope, I'm gonna get changed. It's almost 7"

"Okay" he stays staring back at his nails.

You played with his ring while looking back at your closet. Should I wear black too? Or white? Maybe we shouldn't match. But why not? You settled on black and white striped pants with a red bralette and some red heels. His gig was at a sit-down bar anyway. When you came back out and ready to go, he looked you up and down and you could see him clench his fist at his sides.

"Nice pants," he swallowed hard.

"Thanks, let's go?"

"Yeah okay"

You grabbed a taxi and shared it to his gig. It was a little more downtown. By the time you got there with traffic it was almost 9. he started around 9:15. You settled on one of the stools at the bar and he went backstage. He said he needed to rush and tune the guitar they had for him so you just wished him luck and grabbed yourself a drink.

People cheered for him when they saw him come on stage. Must not be his first time here you assumed.

"Good evening everyone! Tonight will consist of a few covers and maybe an original. I'll see if you guys deserve it" he winked at the crowd.

You swiveled your chair around as you heard the familiar chords of 'Girl Crush' began. You'd never heard Harry sing and once he started you didn’t want him to stop. He had the voice of an angel. He hit high notes so effortlessly sometimes and other times you could see the veins in his neck bulging. The next song he played was 'Space Cowboy' which he did so well. You cheered extra loud each time.

"Alright alright, I'm going to play an original now. I wrote this one just a week ago or so. I hope you like it.

Meet me in the hallway

Meet me in the hallway

I just left your bedroom

Give me some morphine

Is there any more to do?

 You swiveled on your seat to the beat. His voice was getting a little raspier now. Like he needed water.

I walked the streets all day

Running with the thieves

'Cause you left me in the hallway

Give me some more

Just take the pain away

You started to think about what the song was about. Was Harry secretly hooking up with someone? The song finished and you ordered a shot of tequila. You needed alcohol to distract you from asking him what the song was about and the pit in your stomach. "It wasn't about you y/n," you said to yourself. He's never been inside your roo- well for like one second when he brought you to bed but that was nothing. It's still not about you. Harry's set was over and you were over the night too. You’d put on a fake smile for Harry. You saw him approach the bar, more buttons from his shirt undone.

"So, how'd you like it?"

"It was so good! Congrats!" you put your arm around his neck and brought him in for a hug. You kissed his cheek as you both pulled away.

"Thanks. I'm happy you liked it."

"Mhm" you nodded, finishing your drink. "Why don't we go somewhere and celebrate?"

"You're not tired?"

Feeling a bit angry with the thoughts of Harry hooking up with someone and not telling you about it, you shook your head and paid the bartender.

"Nope. I'm full of energy right now."

You both decided on a club that was near your building. It was so that when you guys got tired you didn't have a log way home. You both decided to take a round of shots to celebrate properly. Before you know it harry has his hands on your waist to keep you steady and you find any excuse to touch him.

"I have to pee!" you yell in his ear.

He felt his ear on fire after your lips had brushed against it. Your nose was red from all the shots and your lips were a little more pink from all the lime. For his peace of mind he walked you to the bathroom and watched you go in. You did your business quickly and walked back out to him.

"Hey do you wanna grab some fresh air?" He asked as you approached him.

 You looped your fingers around two of his belt loops and looked up at him and shook your head. "Im good" 

His eyes looked darker than usual and he stared at your lips.

"y/n, what are you doing?"

"Nothing," you moved closer to him as a few girls tried get to the bathroom, you could hear him grunt as you pressed yourself against his lower half. "I just moved out of the way for them"

He kept his eyes on your lips as you licked them. It made him ache watching you. He wanted to kiss you so badly, but not when you couldn't remember it the next day. 

"Har, what was that song about?" you looked down. With furrowed brows he lifted his hand to your cheek softly and made you look up at him.  

"What do you think it was about?" He wanted to run his thumb over your lips. He had felt them so many other times on his cheek but each of those times it happened too quick.

"I don't know, I don’t even know if I care about what it's about. I wanna know who its about" you leaned into his palm.

People came back out of the bathroom and the rush of people going back and forth made you feel dizzy. That's the thing about tequila, you could drink and drink it but all the effects hit you all at once. Harry's grip tightened around your waist.

"C'mon lets go home." He walked you through the bar and got you outside. The fresh air overwhelming you, even made you nauseous. You tried your best to walk straight home. In your head you were able to hold yourself up. You didn’t need Harry's help. But in reality, he was holding you up and laughing lowly to himself watching you wobble. He was only tipsy, never really been a lightweight. Once he was able to get you to your apartment, he helped you take your shoes off and tuck you in, once again. You were snoring instantly. He looked at you for few minutes and kissed you on your forehead before leaving to his own place. Exhausted, he undressed himself, completely nude, and went to bed.

~~~

"Fuck Har," you moaned as you pulled his hair from in between his legs. He groaned and only dug his tongue deeper into you. "I'm close"

You felt his cold rings digging into you around your thighs. Right as you felt your release coming on, a loud honking of the horn woke you up outside your window.

"Oh for gods sake." you smacked yourself on the forehead then instantly regretted it feeling your headache.

~~~

"Fuck y/n, I'm gonna cum" Harry grunted as he bucked his hips up hitting the back of your throat. You moaned and reached up to cup his balls. "Fuck I'm cu-"

A loud honking noise woke him up and he looked around him confused. He was sweating. He looked under his covers and remembered he was wearing absolutely nothing. His breathing was heavy as he got up to use the bathroom. He hopped into a cold shower before starting his day.

Harry: You up?

Y/n: Sadly. Wtf happened last night?

Harry: We drank too much. Can I come over for breakfast? I’ve run out of food.

Y/n: Yeah, door’s open. Pls don’t be loud.

A few mins later he walked in and opened your fridge. He saw you on the couch sitting down with your head back. He saw watermelon and decided to put some cubes in a bowl for himself. He sat next to you on the couch and you both said hi lowly. You had a banana in your lap and began eating it. Harry looked over at you in the exact moment you put it in your mouth. Looking away he stuffed his mouth with watermelon. You could hear the slurping sounds that sounded a lot like… you know.

"Do you have to slurp when you eat that?" you rolled your eyes.

"Do you have to take such big bites of the banana? It's not like I'm going to steal it." He said rolling his eyes.

Today's going to be such a long day…

Part 3 is now up!

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 10: Friday

I just had this feeling this morning like I didn’t want to go to work and eh... that was probably right. Nothing really bad happened, I just felt very strongly that I did NOT want to be there.

My coworker wanted to talk to me at like 8:30 in the morning (you know those silly little ‘don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee’ signs?? literally do not talk to me before 9:30 EARLIEST) and I was supremely incoherent. Then later a different coworker essentially took out his bad mood on my department including on me personally, and it was... dumb. I got his point but I’m just, as I tried to explain to others later, unkeen on being talked to about actions I took under others’ explicit instructions. Also, in part because of that, in part because I thought he was semi-unreasonable, and in part because I just truly didn’t want to do what he was asking/telling me to do, I did not really budge on the issue. Which was very awkward because as I said I did get his point. And of course the issue is SOMETHING DUMB which is always how it is. All of these fights are 100% shit that would sound idiotic if you tried to explain it to someone else, which is why I’m vaguing right now.

And the nametags thing came up on Teams (thanks @ the same coworker), and the only good thing about that is that the director explicitly said she was against the idea so I feel pretty confident that it won’t be mandated. Also I could detect some panic in other people about it. I do NOT like the way this is being handled AT ALL. Plus it’s just the hill I’ve decided to die on (because I think I can win--so I guess it’s better to say this is the hill I’m going to defeat my enemies on) so I gotta get annoyed at it. I refrained from contributing to the conversation but I did like the director’s anti-nametag post, which I think gets my point across.

Also I felt like I spent a lot of time doing not much, to be honest. Still didn’t go to stupid compact shelving. Devoted too much time to the crap in the above paragraphs. Talked to BL over in admin and heard some more unflattering stories about a particular administrator. Like, incredibly unflattering. Which is stuff I do want to know but it contributes to the overall Mood of the day, which again is ‘I don’t want to be here.’

I took a very late lunch, and that in turn contributed to me not paying enough attention to the time and leaving late.OH AND I got 3 important emails in the last ten minutes of the day. Two were very expected because they were coming from the West Coast but the last was like.. do not make me deal with this right now.

I didn’t deal with almost any of it but I did get so distracted that I left about five minutes late, and so I missed the bus. I wasn’t too upset about it since the weather was nice anyway and I didn’t mind spending some time downtown. But I did waste time trying to see if I could catch said bus, and then more time trying to go to my favorite coffee shop, which had closed at 5. But since it was 5:15, there were still people inside (cleaning up, which is fair) and people outside (drinking coffees they’d bought before 5 I’m sure, also fair), and the sign said hours were until 7 so I spent a few confused, embarrassing moments going ????? what is the truth?

So ultimately I went to a different cafe, a newish one that opened in 2019 I think. I’ve always avoided it in part because the floor is very loud and in part because I felt like I was cheating on my main place lol. (Not that I never get coffee anywhere else... just that this place is so close to my usual place, I always feel like, if I’m in the area, I might as well go to said usual place.) I did find the inside very disorienting. The pattern of the floor is just truly A Lot. They did have these weird teacup ornaments hanging from the ceiling though. I got an iced latte, which was fine, and this delicious spinach and feta pastry. I feel like I should stop by more often for baked goods. I settled outside with what I’d gotten, mostly because of the floor, partly because it actually was nice out, and partly because I’m not currently comfortable with indoor dining, even in places with almost no one in them.

I only had like 25 minutes to kill at that point, but it was nice. I had a notebook with me and I did a teeny bit of planning on the Southern Gothic AU (still behind on this!!). Mostly I listened to the conversation next to me. I couldn’t entirely help it; the girl’s voice was carrying. She was talking to her guy friend about some recent issues they’d been having in their friendship. I was honestly...kind of impressed with them? I could mostly hear her--he was talking too but his voice didn’t carry as much--but it just overall sounded like a really open, emotionally honest, generally calm talk. Like certainly there were strong emotions in play (not exactly going to judge whether they were “warranted” given the apparent facts of the dispute, since I just ranted about a disagreement over something so dumb I don’t even want to name it in public) but they were just... expressing feelings that were difficult, and expressing displeasure with others’ actions, without yelling or being passive aggressive, etc. I mean even that they’d picked this time and place to meet specifically to discuss it I thought was commendable. And they were definitely friends, not bf/gf, because the disagreement involved his girlfriend (once referred to as his “partner”...sorry lol I judged that a LITTLE since they looked like they were maybe 21 years old--partner in WHAT??). The girl mentioned her therapist, which put a lot of her tone and vocabulary into perspective. Not necessarily in a bad way, I mean, it seemed to be working? But as someone who has never been to therapy, but is self-taught, so to speak, in gauging and describing my own feelings, I could... discern a sort of purposeful vocabulary that almost sounded scripted. I wrote down some specific quotes but I don’t want to put them in a public place. I’ll draw my respecting-strangers’-privacy line in the sand there. But a lot of, like “when you do x, it makes me feel y” kind of controlled explanations.

Anyway, I got very invested in that. Partly for future writing purposes, partly out of curiosity and partly because... I don’t know that I could have that kind of conversation NOW and I’m fairly sure I could not have when I was in college. I mean.... I don’t know... I’ve blocked out a lot of the pretentious/serious/about-our-feelings talks I did have. And what sticks out now are all the times I didn’t do that--all of the many, many issues with TA38... Even the way B and I have literally NEVER acknowledged the handful of times we hooked up in 2009.

You’re never gonna sound COOL talking about your emotions, your wants and your needs; it’s always gonna sound, imo, like a Therapy Script. And I don’t even always think you gotta have those talks. After graduation, R and I literally had this exchange where we said ‘well we both made mistakes last year, and we could try to untangle it now, but it’s just gonna bring up a lot of bad feelings. It’s done now anyway. Blanket apologies given, blanket acceptance of apologies, let’s move on.” And we did and it was fine. But if we’d had better conversations while we were living together, that would have been a different situation.

All of which is of course complicated for me personally because I am extremely conflict-averse. EXTREMELY.

Anyway, I ran into BL at the bus stop and we talked a bit there and on the bus, which was fine but kinda exhausting tbqh especially because of the topic of conversation. I got home at 6:30 and must have crawled immediately into bed and gone to sleep, but I barely remember it at all. Woke up at 10:30 and had no idea what time it was or what day it was or what I was doing.

Had dinner and then somehow went down a rabbit hole that started... somewhere?? and ended with me looking up my childhood home on Google Earth, which you KNOW is the sign of a mentally stable person who is doing just fine okay.

Now it’s the absolutely disgusting hour of 2:30 in the morning... Idk I wanted to go out tomorrow and take advantage of the nice weather but we’ll see how that goes. The thing is I feel like I need a full day to sleep but I only have two (2) days and in that time I gotta do laundry, cook for the week, preferably write one (1) whole chapter of this fic, and possibly also go on the aforementioned excursion. Which is a lot for me. It doesn’t really... fit.

Everything’s just so much all the time and so on.

[superfanficnatural]

Love, Tabby

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC(Tabby)... so not really “Original Character” lol

Summary: Tabby is turning 30 today and Dean has a special surprise in store for her.

A/N: So Monday is Tabby’s 30th birthday, but we are celebrating it today, so this is my birthday present to you @winchest09​. I really hope you like it, I LOVE YOU !!!

Warnings: HEAVY FLUFF.

Word Count: 4,659

Tabby woke up in her bed, feeling grumpy as she did every time she woke up. Reaching over, she felt a cold spot where her husband usually was, fear settling in her heart. Shooting up out of bed, she put on her clothes and rushed to the door, noticing a piece of paper attached to the frame. 

Confused, she pulled it off of the tape and took a look at the note, “Hey, sweetheart. I know you’re probably freaking out over where I am and if I’m alright. I’m fine. I’ve set up a little scavenger hunt for you, and yes, you have to do it,” she chuckled as she shook her head. “Maybe you will find out what it’s for as you go along, but for right now, I’m gonna give you five.”

She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, “Five what?” 

Turning the paper over to its back, she saw five numbers with writing next to them, “#1-You’re kind - I’ve never met someone with such a pure and honest heart. The kindness you treat others with never ceases to amaze me, even if they were an asshole at some bar. It’s one of the reasons that I fell for you,” she smiled, his words warming her heart.

“#2- You’re thoughtful - Whenever I feel like shit, or even Sam, you always know. You always cook us a meal, or talk to us and somehow manage to make us open up. You always make me feel so loved. I never thought that I deserved it, but you’re always there to help me, no matter what,” she felt anger bubble up inside of her, he did deserve love, and she would never stop trying to convince him.

“#3- You’re compassionate - It’s like you have some kind of superpower to be able to feel how others are. Whenever I felt at my lowest, you were right there with me. It seemed like you felt the exact pain I was going through and because of that, I never felt alone. You are the reason that I never feel alone.”

“#4- You’re an awesome friend - Even before we started dating, you were always so attentive, so helpful. You set the bar high for anyone who tries to call themselves a good friend. When Sam was struggling and hurting, you even went out and bought him a salad. A damn salad! You put on his favorite TV show and sat down with him the entire night. I remember he told me the day after that if I didn’t marry you, he would kill me,” she chuckled and blushed, happy that his brother wanted them to be together as well.

“#5- You’re a great mom - Ever since our girl was born, you were always hovering over her, always making sure she was safe and healthy. I swear I’ve had to drag you away from her crib just so you could get some sleep when she was first born. The amount of love that you look at our kid with, I never knew how much it would affect me. Whenever we’re asleep, if she cries, you always told me to go back to sleep and that you would handle it. No other mom could compare to you, and I know our kid knows that too,” she began to tear up. “Damn it, Dean. Making me cry this early in the morning,” she choked out a laugh, wiping her eyes.

Below the fifth number, there was some more writing, “Go to the place that you and Sam have hung out the most. This should be an easy one,” she could practically see his eye roll as he wrote this and instantly knew where to look, the library.

She left the room with the paper in her hand and made her way over to the library. She didn’t realize it, but he could have probably hidden the paper somewhere within the hundreds of books they had. Huffing, she solidified her resolve and got to digging, opening up books and flipping through them to see if the paper was inside. After about a half hour and two hundred books later, she sighed out tired and sat down on one of the chairs at the table. 

“How the hell am I-” she began before she perked up. She remembered that she and Sam had spent a lot of time under the table when they first met; they wrote basically all the most important information they could need on monsters in bullet points. She also remembered Dean saying they were acting like children but she didn’t care, it was a great way to bond with Sam and they both had a lot of fun.

Reaching under the table and feeling around, she felt a piece of paper taped to the bottom, “Bingo.”

Pulling it out from under the table, “I know the first note had a bit of stuff written before the numbers, but moving on, mostly just the numbers and the location of the next paper will be written.”

Bracing herself, she turned over the paper and began to read, “#6- You’re selfless - You care about others more than yourself. While other people call that heroic, I hate it. You always want to jump in front of me when a monster is attacking or pushing me out of the way, when really, I’m the one who should be doing that. You’ve given me so many goddamn heart attacks, I’m gonna die one of these days. But I also love it, because it goes to show just how incredible you are. Always looking out for other people was my thing, but then you came along and smacked me in the face. I remember you said, “Well then who the hell is gonna look out for you, Winchester?” I’ve come to realize that I love it, because I know you will always be there for me,” she giggled, remembering that very day where she slapped him and told him that. 

“#7- You’re super smart - I thought that Sam was smart, but then you came along. You taught us both things that we never knew and I’ve always been jealous of how smart you are. Don’t feel bad babe, I’m just trying to compliment you. Every time we were stumped on a hunt, you spent no more than five minutes thinking before you figured out a way to get us out or to save more people. You’re the reason so many of our hunts go better than they would normally, and I know every family we save is grateful to you for that.”

“#8- You’re aces at researching - I hate researching, we all know that. But with you, Sam finally had someone to geek out with and to help research on a case. Both of your minds combined prove to be the most powerful thing in this world, no monster stands a chance. I have no idea how you actually enjoy it but I won't argue with it, for it’s saved all of our asses multiple times.”

“#9- You can cut a man's hair like a boss - Neither me or Sam are big fans of barber shops, so I’m also extremely thankful that you can cut hair. I don’t think anyone has cut my hair as well as you have, and you always manage to get it just the way I want it. I love you,” no matter how many times she heard him say it, it always managed to make her blush and her heart to beat faster. 

Smiling, she continued, “#10- You’re a great photographer - I never liked pictures and honestly I don’t think that I ever will. Thankfully, you force me to get in them and I’m so glad that you do. Because of it, we have so many beautiful pictures to look at and reminisce. My favorite picture you’ve taken was the one of all of us together. You set up the camera and had us all sit down on the couch, our kid on my lap. The happiness I felt that day with all of you was one of the greatest I had ever felt in my life. I will be forever grateful to you that you took that picture.”

Once again, there was more writing underneath the numbers, “Go to the place where I spend the most time in the bunker.”

It took her all of three seconds to know where he was talking about, their bedroom. She was slightly confused, due to the fact that the first paper was there, but continued on and went to their shared bedroom.

Opening the door, she looked around and wondered where the hell he could have put it. The bed? The closet? Under one of the guns? She thought back to his exact words “I spend the most time” and blushed. When they first started dating and even after they got married, Dean was insatiable. Always dragging her to the bed to try out something new, but she loved it every time. Walking over to the bed, she flung over the sheets to the side and saw a piece of paper under them on Dean’s side of the bed. 

Grabbing the paper, she read, “I could almost see the blush on your face babe, turn to the back,” she blushed harder at the fact that he knew exactly what she was thinking and followed his instructions.

“#11- You’re a loving wife - I never thought that someone as perfect and beautiful as you would even give me a second glance. Turns out, you would. I thought that you were just infatuated and that you would “get over me” but thank God you proved me wrong. Every single day, you make sure that I feel cherished, and I can’t even put into words how incredible that feels. I’ve never felt loved in the way that you give me before, and it’s a feeling that I never want to lose. I love you more than I’ve loved anything in my entire life.” She could feel the tears falling from her eyes onto the piece of paper, “Dammit, Dean. Now you’ve done it,” she sniffled.

“#12- You have a great accent - Just hearing you talk is like music to my ears. Don’t even get me started on your laugh, it's one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard and I can’t help but laugh right along with you whenever you do. That very same voice comforts me when I feel like shit, compliments me when I try and look good for you, and whispers sexy nothings into my ear that drives me insane,” her blush from before returned instantly, her face red as a tomato, a nervous giggle escaping her lips.

“#13- You’re absolutely gorgeous - From the moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew that you were everything that I wanted. Your eyes shine brighter than any light I’ve ever seen and your body is perfect, no matter how self conscious you get. I swear if I could, I would grab all of your doubts and insecurities and send them straight into the Empty, because you are perfect. You don’t need makeup, your natural beauty already puts all other people to rest.”

“Am I gonna be blushing this entire damn day? Jesus, Dean,” she chuckled.

“#14- You have incredible red hair - After I met you, my new favorite color was red. The way it shines off of the sunlight as the wind flows it through your face. I could just sit there and watch you for hours. You put Rowena to shame, babe.”

“#15- You wear plaid and “Winchester Clothes” - I think you look perfect in anything you wear but damn, the way you look in my clothes. It’s one of the reasons why I can’t get enough of you,” her face was so heated that she felt like she was going to explode. 

Taking a few moments to collect herself, she began reading once more, “You wear plaid better than Sam and I, and I’m all for it, babe.”

Once again, there was more writing underneath it, “Go to the thing I love fourth most on this planet.” 

She knew that herself, Sam, and her child were the first three, so Baby had to be the fourth. Shaking her head with a laugh, she left the room and went over to the garage. She still didn’t understand the point of all of this, when will the numbers end? Why is it all about me? She had a few questions swimming around her mind but continued on regardless. 

Reaching the garage, she walked over to Baby and opened the drivers side door, getting in and closing the door behind her. She looked around the seats and under them, checking the back as well. She was about to go check the trunk until she opened the passengers side compartment and saw a piece of paper inside. 

“I know you must be wondering what this is all about since you’re adorably oblivious, but just enjoy the ride, sweetheart. You’re almost finished.” She sighed in annoyance with a smile on her face, “Who says I’m oblivious?”

She turned the paper around to see another five numbers written on it, “#16- You’re a good hugger - Now, while this might seem kinda like “ok?? What’s so good about that?” kinda thing, it isn’t to me. I can’t even count the amount of times that I felt broken, and you hugged me. It felt like you were slowly putting all the pieces back together by simply holding me. It gave me such a comforting feeling, once again reminding me that I wasn’t alone, and that you were there for me. I only hope that I can manage to do the same for you.”

“Of course you do, you dummy,” she laughed out, trying to hold her tears back. The sheer amount of times that she felt safe in his arms was uncountable. She was so grateful to him for that and she felt overjoyed that she was able to do the same for him. 

“#17- You’re resilient - I remember the time that you were captured by demons to trap me. You held up for an entire day of torture without giving them an inch. I still haven’t forgiven myself for that, but I’m so glad that you managed to convince me to stay with you. We both remember how scared I was of losing you, how I still am. But if you didn’t convince me to stay, I wouldn’t be happy like I am now. I wouldn’t be married to the most incredible woman on this planet and I wouldn’t have a child that I would do anything for. I love you, Tabby.” 

She vividly remembered that time, she also remembered how horrible she felt for putting Dean through that. She was just as glad as he was that they managed to get past it and move on with their relationship. 

“#18- You have a vivid imagination - Before every hunt, you would always think of different ways that things could go down and explain it to us. Because of that, whenever the plan doesn’t work, we have what you perceived to help us win. You’re so incredible, sweetheart. That imagination has also helped in the bedroom, if you know what I mean.”

She could practically see the wink and smirk on his face, finding herself blushing once again at his implication, “You just had to go there, didn’t you?” she asked rhetorically with a chuckle. 

“#19- You love me - Yeah yeah yeah, I said it, suck it up. I think you are incredible because you love me, alright? You make me feel special and… goddamn it, now you got me talking about chick flick stuff. The amount of love written in your eyes whenever you look at me never ceases to take my breath away. I’m so grateful to you that you chose me out of all people to give your love to, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be the person that you deserve.”

She felt her heart warm at his words, but also anger began to rise up inside of her, “You deserve love more than anyone else, you idiot.”

“#20- You’re a great mentor - When all those refugees came from the other world, you were the first to volunteer to teach them new things and to show them around our own. Because of you, all of them managed to adjust so much quicker to this world than they would have with us. Because of you, they managed to leave the bunker and go live out in our society. You are amazing, Tabby.”

“Go to the place that we had our first argument.”

She instantly recognized where he meant, the torture room. It was easy to remember because it was the first time that she thoroughly disagreed with him on something. They argued about whether they should use it to torture monsters or not, for her heart was still so pure, even monsters weren’t on her torture list.

Tabby closed the compartment in the passenger seat and got out of the car, all of the papers still in her hand, and walked through the winding turns of the bunker until eventually she reached the room. Going inside, she knew that the paper would be relatively easy to find, for the room was basically empty except for the chair in the middle of the room. Surely enough, when she walked in, the paper was sitting directly on top of the chair. 

She walked towards it and picked it up, “I remember this argument damn well, it was the first time we disagreed on something so heavily. In my defense, I had the mark at the time we had this argument so I’m using that as an excuse. Tough luck, sweetheart.”

She shook her head and scoffed, turning the paper over to read what she assumed were the next five numbers. 

“#21- Your sneeze is cute - Sure, this might seem irrelevant, but it’s not to me. Sometimes I would purposefully try and get you to sneeze just so I can hear how adorable it is. And yes, the pepper inside of the book you were reading was put there by me, I’m sorry, ok?! I just wanted to hear that cute sneeze of yours, I hope you’re not mad, princess.”

“Of fucking course,” she snorted.

“#22- You get overly excited about the smallest gifts or gestures - I have no idea why, but you just do. Yet another thing that is impossibly adorable about you. I remember I bought you a simple damn necklace I got for like $10 and you freaked out. I think it’s because you appreciate everything, no matter how small it is, and that is what makes you unattainable, baby. So precious and special, no man can have you. I just know that my favorite reaction from you was when I gave you that wedding ring. The look on your face when I got on my knees and took it out of my pocket was the best thing I have ever laid my eyes on. I truly love you, and I will try my damn hardest to always make sure you know that.”

She couldn’t help the tears from streaming down her eyes while she played with the ring on her finger, reminiscing about that day. It was the happiest day in her entire life, aside from when she gave birth to her daughter.

“#23- You love your mom - Now this might seem like an “oh everyone loves their parents, not a big deal” kind of thing, but with you it isn’t. You’re always checking up on her and seeing how she is, always offering to help with something when you really don’t need to. The amount of love and contempt you speak with when you talk about your mom is ridiculous, I’ve never seen someone able to hold so much love inside of their body. It’s inspiring and makes me want to be a better person. I don’t remember feeling that kind of love before, until you came along. You might argue that I felt it with Cassie or something but that was nothing compared to this. Hell, it makes it seem like a high school crush compared to how I feel about you. I never thought that I could love something or someone so much, but you came along and completely changed all of that.”

He was right and she knew it. Tabby loved her mom with everything that she had, and she was euphoric to know that she could give Dean that feeling as well.

“#24- You descent from fucking Vikings - I mean come on! How awesome is that? I’m so honored to be able to call you mine. You badass, intelligent, independent, incredible woman. This explanation is kinda short but come ON! Vikings??”

She giggled to herself as she read along, proud of her heritage and her bloodline.

“#25- You cook up the best breakfast - You are a goddamn Chef, babe. Ever since you walked into the bunker, me and Sam have been living the high life every morning with your damn good food. I used to think that I could cook well until you made our first meal. I knew then that I would bow down to you and beg for you to cook every meal I ever ate from then on.”

She smirked proudly to herself, knowing that she could cook up a killer meal.

“You’re almost done sweetheart, just one more. Go to the place that has to do with the last number.”

“Simple enough; the kitchen,” she spoke mostly to herself.

Even through all of this, she still couldn’t wrap her mind around what was going on. Maybe Dean was right and she was simply oblivious. Either way, she was having more fun than she would admit and was silently reveling in the amount of things that he found amazing about her.

Leaving the room, she made her way over to the kitchen, pausing at the door and once again huffing out.

“How the hell am I supposed to find a piece of paper in all of this?” she rhetorically asked, exasperated. 

Stomping her foot once or twice, she recalled the last piece of paper, reading once again that this was the last one. 

“Fine. Fine fine fine, this better be the last one,” she reluctantly gave in.

Tabby spent twenty minutes looking around for the damned paper, rummaging through the cupboards and even checking the oven. She sat down at the table and ran her fingers through her hair, arguing in her mind whether to continue to search for it or just find Dean and ask what the hell was going on. She decided to keep looking, already having gotten this far. There was only one other place that she hadn’t looked, once again, under the table.

“I swear if it’s under here,” she muttered while reaching her hand under the table and feeling around for the paper. 

Surely enough, she felt it and rolled her eyes, pulling it out from under and reading it, “Congratulations babe, you reached the end, though, I’m not done yet. Turn over to the back one last time.”

She followed his instructions, turning over to the back and noticing five more numbers written down.

“#26- You bake the best pies - I think this one is self-explanatory, but I’ll go ahead and explain it anyways. You, Hallie, and Sam are my top three, Baby is my fourth, and pie is my fifth favorite thing in this world. The first time you made me a pecan pie, I had to hold myself back from moaning loud enough that the damn angels in heaven wouldn’t hear me. Once again, babe, you are a goddamn Chef and you can cook better than anyone else on this planet. Yet another reason I fell for you, what can I say, bake me a pie and you’ve won yourself my heart.”

She chuckled at his ridiculous love for pies, though, she loved baking them, for Dean wasn’t the only one who loved them. She recalled multiple times that they had to fight over the last slice, resulting in them splitting it.

“#27- You can play the guitar - I love rock music, and every rock song has a guitar in it. You play the guitar. Put the pieces together. Come onnn, you can do it. Am I really gonna have to spell it out for you? Fine. I love rock music, you can play rock music, I love you. Once again, princess, you are completely oblivious.”

“Shut up,” she muttered angrily, a small smile on her face no matter how hard she tried to hold it back.

“#28- You have an amazing voice - Even though you don’t agree, me and Sam love listening to you sing. You sound like an angel and if you would, I would ask you to lull me to sleep. Your voice calms me down and always brings a smile to my face. Your voice is just as beautiful as you are, Tab, and I hope you know that, forever walking this Earth.”

She was blushing furiously, for she never thought that she was a good singer. To hear it from someone she held so dearly, was nothing short of incredible. 

“#29- You always try to save everyone you can - Obviously, every hunter should try and do that, but you go above and beyond. It’s not even limited to hunting. I remember that one time a bee somehow got into the bunker and I was two seconds away from killing it. You stopped me and instead trapped it in a glass and released it back outside, saving its life. You are so pure and radiate positivity, it’s just unheard of.”

She remembered that time; Dean had his shoe in his hand and was just about to swat it until she caught his hand and took control of the situation. Tabby always had the ideology that nothing deserved to die unless it did harm to others, and it had served her well as a human being.

“#30- You gave me our child - Another thing that I am infinitely grateful for and will always love you for. Because of you, I have managed to love not two, but three people in this world with everything that I have. Our child looks just like you, sweetheart. Which means that she is the most beautiful child on this planet and she’s gonna be a heartbreaker when she grows up, just like her mom.” Tabby chuckled with a fond smile, their child really was beautiful. 

She was wondering what was next, for this was the last paper, until she read the message on the bottom, “Boo!”

“Huh?” she asked out loud before she felt a presence behind her.

Turning around, she was shocked to see Dean with their daughter in his arms, Sam next to them.

“Oh my gosh, what’s this all about?” Tabby asked, getting out of her seat and taking her daughter from Dean’s hands.

“Did you forget what day it is?” Sam asked with a grin.

She thought back to the date and remembered that it was her birthday, “Oh! Right!”

Sam chuckled and shook his head while Dean just gave her a loving look, “Happy birthday, baby, I love you,” he spoke softly, before kissing her softly.

“I love you too, but what’s up with all of the numbers and the scavenger hunt?” she questioned, still as oblivious as ever.

“You’re turning thirty so I wrote thirty things that are amazing about you, sweetheart,” Dean replied, slightly smirking at his dumbfounded wife. 

She felt tears prick at her eyes as she looked at him, “I love you, Dean.”

She pulled him into a hug with their child included, Hallie giggling slightly in her arms.

“And I love you, Tabatha Winchester.”

Forevers Tag List: @magssteenkamp​ @shadowsinger11​ @donnaintx​ @flamencodiva​

[dreamofkpop]

Invite

Stray Kids 10th member AU

Charlie x Stray Kids 

requests are open!!

(gif not mine! credit to owner!)

6:09 AM

knock

knock

knock

Charlie groaned and rolled over in her bed, ignoring the knocking at her door. When it continued she rolled onto her stomach pushed herself up. Her hair was sticking up in curls in every which direction and her shirt had ridden up.

Her covers weighed down on her, making a load of noise as she shuffled around in her bed and sat up. Thrashing around to get the duvet off her legs, she eventually swung them off her bed and stood up.

As she stood up and stretched, her back cracked in two places making her groan. The first thing she did was reach for her phone and turn it on.

The bright light hurt her eyes in the almost pitch black room. Her eyes caught the top message on her screen.

From, J: Check ur mail, you’re gonna b surprised lol [5:46 AM]

She locked the device and stuffed it into her sweatpants pocket before leaving her room. As she stepped out of her room Minho walked past her, without a shirt on, a disappeared into a room.

“Well that’s something to see first thing in the morning...” She mumbled and turned down the hall, walking towards the living room.

As she got closer to the room she could hear the TV going along with some of the boy’s chattering voices.

She got to the living room and made a beeline for the couch, dropping next to Jeongin and resting her head on his shoulder, her eyes closing.

The younger rested his head on top of hers and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, she snuggled against him.

“Good morning noona, d’you sleep well?” He asked, pushing up his glasses with his free hand. Charlie nodded against him and snuggled closer.

“Who knocked on my door and woke me up?” She asked, her voice deeper than usual seeing as that was the first thing she’d said.

Jeongin shrugged. “I think it was Chan hyung, but i’m not sure”

“Charlie! You’re up! This came in the mail for you, it looks important” Woojin smiled, grabbing a white envelope from the TV stand and handing it to her.

She carefully took the letter and flipped it over. Scrawled out on the front in fancy cursive was her name and the address of the dorm. She flipped it back over and ripped the envelope open.

Inside was a white card with a golden border, it was fancy as all hell.

“Is this what i think it is...oh my god”

Her eyes scanned over the golden writing on it and widened.

‘You are invited to the engagement party of Valerie May and Micheal Harrington’

Charlie shot up in her seat, almost dropping the invite in her hands. Her hands scrambled for her phone, unlocking it and clicking Jacob’s messages.

To, J: SHE’S GOTTEN ENGAGED?!! WHEN?!?! [6:24 AM]

Her brother replied in under a minute.

From, J: Two weeks ago and apparently she INSISTED that YOU bring someone with you [6:27 AM]

TO, J: Lol she’s funny is she think I’m even coming to the party, i’m busy. [6:30 AM]

She locked her phone and put it away, sighing loudly and rather dramatically. It caught the attention of the boys on the couch.

“What’s wrong Char?” Felix asked as he adjusted his shirt.

She picked up the fallen note and tossed it over to him, Felix picked it up and mumbled in acknowledgement.  

“AND! Apparently i’m obliged to bring someone with me..”

Charlie stood up and stretched, announcing that she was going to the kitchen before leaving.

In said kitchen were Chan, who was shirtless, and Changbin who was fully dressed and looking like he was ready to go out.

“Good morning boys~” She sung as she walked over to the fridge, swinging it open and taking out the glass bottle of ice coffee she’d bought yesterday.

Chan mumbled a good morning back and continued to cook, whereas Changbin didn’t even speak, he was completely zoned out.

“Is he alright?” She asked the leader, glancing over at the boy who was staring blankly ahead of him.

He shrugged. “I am...not sure”

Charlie nodded her head and slowly walked over to the table, she sat down in front of Changbin and reached over, she tapped his cheek and he was snapped out of whatever weird trance he was in.

“You alright?” She asked with a laugh, taking a sip of her drink.

He nodded, taking his fingers against the table rhythmically. “Hm? yeah yeah i’m fine i was just...thinking..”

“Oof don’t hurt yourself”

“I’m smarter than you Charlie!”

“I beg to differ, Binnie”

He scoffed and shook his head, muttering under his breath.

“Charlie, did you get that thing that was in the post?” Chan asked as he walked over to the table.

She nodded, looking out into the living room where Jeongin was gently twisting the envelope between his fingers.

“What was it?”

Charlie looked back at him, shrugging. “A silly little invite to my step-sisters engagement party. According to Jacob I have to go and I’m obliged to bring someone with me”

“Are you gonna go?” He questioned and took a bite of whatever was on her plate.

“I don’t know, I’m busy and i won’t have anyone to bring”

Chan looked at her, confusion evident on his face. “I’m pretty sure any of us would go with you..”

She shook her head. “Nu-uh, no way. I don’t trust Valerie at all, the first time she met you guys all she did was try and flirt with Jisung...emphases on the try”

Chan nodded, acknowledging the fact when suddenly an idea popped into his head.

“Take someone you know she wouldn’t even try and talk to...” He motioned towards Changbin in the least subtle way possible.

Charlie looked over at Changbin, who was busy on his phone, then back at Chan.

She sighed. “It depends, we’ll see what happens and if i’m even allowed time off to go”

Before Charlie could continue speaking, Chan brought up a question. “Hold on...you said your step sister hates you, if she did then why would she invite you to her engagement party?”

“I don’t know Chan, I don’t know! But what i do know is that I’m going to chill in the living room”

She stood to her feet and grabbed her drink, before leaving she leaned down and kissed the leader’s cheek then stood straight and walked out.

“CHARLIE! C’mere!” Felix called out as she entered the living room, opening his arms widely for her.

Upon noticing her spot had been taken by a very sleepy Minho, she happily fell into Felix’s arms and curled up on his lap.

She looked up at him. A small smile appearing on her lips as her eyes grazed over his freckles that were on full show.

“You’re freckles are very cute...” She thought aloud, smiling.

Felix looked down at her. “So are yours!”

“Nahh, not really” She shook her head, taking her eyes off him and adverting them to the TV, the side of her head was pressed flat against his chest meaning she could hear his heartbeat. “And quit staring at me”

He quickly looked up and cleared his throat, tightening his arms around Charlie’s smaller frame. “So...are you gonna take that invite and go to that party?”

Charlie shrugged, becoming slightly annoyed at the repeated question. “Maybe...no...i don’t know? It depends. I’d need permission to take time off and someone to come with me”

Felix leaned down, whispering something into Charlie’s ear. She laughed at his words brought her hand up to lightly smack his chest. “Shut up, lix”

“Whaaaat? I’m only telling the truth~”

“Yeah well that truth isn’t something i needed to hear at 7 in the morning...why are we all even up this early?”

“We have practice...but not all of us are awake. Woojin hyung is still trying to wake up Hyunjin” Felix stated

“Oooh of course he is!” Charlie laughed and shook her head.

Her phone rang in hr pocket, she shuffled around and fished the phone out of her pocket, looking at the screen.

A frown immediately replaced the smile on her lips.

‘Step sister from hell calling....’

Locking her phone, Charlie shook her head and put it back in her pocket.

“Who was that?” Felix asked curiously

“No one...no one important”

[faerieyoongles]

Inamorata

By: @lwannag0h0me-c0m

Yoongi x Reader

Plot: Werewolves are assigned a human soulmate from birth, as werewolves cannot reproduce with other werewolves. Although humans cant tell when they’ve met their werewolf soulmate (mostly because they think werewolves don’t exist), werewolves become fully aware once they are united with their true love. Most werewolves meet their soulmate around mid to late teenage years (because that’s when their bodies become sexually mature). Yoongi is 18, almost 19, and on his last year of high school and still hasn’t found his soulmate yet. He’s starting to believe maybe he doesn’t have one, until one day a new girl named Y/N enters the school.

Chapter(s): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Genera: Werewolf au, fluff, smut, (a lil bit of angst), supernatural romance

Chapter 4

This chapter is unedited, sorry for my mistakes lol

The next morning you woke up around 9 am, still laying in Yoongi’s arms. The position you where now in was slightly different from when you first feel asleep, now resting on his chest rather than lying next to him on your side. Since it was late morning, you figured your dad was probably at work by now, so there was no need to worry about him walking in unexpectedly. Yoongi was still asleep and you took a few moments to observe his resting figure. You where kinda creeped out by yourself for just staring at him while he was sleeping, but you couldn’t help yourself. His chest rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern and his lips where parted slightly to allow him to breath. His grip around your waist was lose since his body was in a state of complete relaxation. You smiled, ‘Gosh, I love this kid’ you thought. Suddenly your eyes went wide. Oh my god... you loved him. You finally realized you loved him, but this wasn’t necessarily a good thing. You had thought you’d fallen in love before, but it only ended up in devastating heart break once you told them how you felt. Yoongi was different, and you didn’t wanna mess it up. What if he doesn’t feel like same? He may like you, but that doesn’t mean he loves you. You decided you weren't gonna tell him unless he told you first, that was the safest bet. Before you left the bed, you kissed him on the forehead. The kiss from last night was still playing over in your head. The way his soft lips felt against yours was a feeling you never wanted to forget. After slowly leaving the room to not wake Yoongi up, you closed the door gently and headed downstairs. You where hungry and figured Yoongi would be too once he woke up, so you opened the pantry and got out some pre-made pancake mix. Cooking wasn’t really a strong skill of yours, but you could follow instructions from a box. Putting the mix on the counter and getting out anything else the box said you needed, you began making the two of you some breakfast. 

Yoongi woke up half an hour later to the smell of something being cooked downstairs. It took him a minute to realize where he was. When he saw the fairy lights hanging up on your ceiling, memories of the moment you two shared last night suddenly played through his head. A smile formed on his face when he remembered how he held your cheek as he kissed you. He was expecting he’d look to his side to see you sleeping next to him, but was disappointed when he saw you weren’t in bed. He figured the noise downstairs was you, so he dragged himself out of your warm covers and made his way down to you. Entering the kitchen, he saw you where faced towards the stove flipping pancakes. You hadn’t noticed his presence yet, too focused on making sure you didn’t burn your breakfast. By now you had a few pancakes already made, so the smell of cooked batter filled the room and surrounded Yoongi’s senses. He was impressed to know you could make something that smelled so good, but then he saw the box of mix sitting on the counter. He chuckled, knowing he had the same box at his house as well due to his lack of cooking skills. You could’ve made the worst tasting pancakes in the world and Yoongi would still eat them for you, but he was glad you decided not to make them from scratch, knowing that your clumsy nature would probably screw it up (not that he could do much better). Now it was his turn to be a creep as he stared at you and watched you finish making the pancakes. Flipping the last pancake over onto the top of the stack next to you, he made his way over to where you where standing. He took you by surprise as he hugged you from behind. Luckily you no longer had the pan in your hand, cause if you did you would’ve dropped it.

“Oh, hi” you smiled “You’re awake” Yoongi hummed in response and attached his lips to your neck. It took you back at first, but it’s really not that much different from what happened last night. He left a couple small pecks around the left side of your neck and nuzzled his head into you once he was done. “I made pancakes” you said.

“Mhm, they smell delicious.” he said soft and raspily in your ear. He didn’t know what was going on with him. He felt needier than usual, and wanted to hold you closer than he normally did. Maybe it’s cause you both confessed last night? Whatever the reason was, neither of you seemed to mind.

“Are you hungry?” you asked. Yoongi nodded his head and you took that as a sign to leave his arms and grab two plates and forks for the both of you. Setting them down on the opposite counter that had stools beside it, you grabbed the plate of pancakes from off the stove and set it down between you and Yoongi’s seats. Yoongi sat down and you got maple syrup and orange juice from the fridge. “Yoongi, can you get the glasses from the cabinet above you?” Yoongi stood up and grabbed the glasses like you asked him to, setting one down in front of his plate and the other in front of yours. Sitting down at your seat and setting the objects in your hands down, you both began to eat. You where both awkwardly quiet as you where enjoying your meals, both having a thousand thoughts going through your heads. Obviously knew you guys liked eachother, but now it was like a real thing. Are you his girlfriend now? Are you guys still in the ‘unspokenly dating’ phase? Did he like kissing you? What where you supposed to say now? The more you thought about it the more you had no idea what to say. Yoongi sensed something was wrong with you, so he opened his mouth to say something. Before any words came out, you blurted out “What are we?” Staring at you for a second, he chuckled.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Like..” You paused, not really knowing how to say it without coming off too strong.

“Like... are you my girlfriend?” he said, stealing the words right from you.

“Um, yeah... I guess.” Oh god, this was the part of the relationship where he was probably gonna say he ‘didn’t wanna label anything’, something you’ve heard too many times before when you asked this question. You where ready for rejection, when he surprised you.

“Well, do you wanna be?” he asked. How where you supposed to respond? Of course you knew that’s what you wanted, but what if that’s not what he wanted? What if he was testing you or something? But, what if he really did want the same thing you wanted?

You stuttered a bit before giving your answer. “Um, I- ah, y-yeah.” You inhaled sharply, wishing you could take your words back. ‘Oh god, abort abort! Big mistake, Y/N! You should’ve just kept your mouth shut!’ you panicked. Yoongi sensed your nerves, almost confused to why you where doubtful of his feelings. He thought he made it pretty clear. He put in fork down and held out both his hands for you to take. Hesitantly taking them, you looked at him confused. He then leaned forward and kissed the top of your forehead.

“Good” he said “I was hoping you would say that.” You faces where still close to eachother even after he pulled away.

“So, we’re like.. a thing now?” You asked.

“We were a thing before, Y/N. Let’s just make it official already, hm?” He said as he leaned closer and closer, his lips finally coming into contact with yours once more. This time was a lot longer, and involved more movement. It was steamier than last time’s, your lips dancing with each other rather than holding each other. When you both finally pulled away, your breathing was faster, as was your heart beat. ‘Oh my god, I’ve got a boyfriend!’ you thought. You smiled the widest you’ve smiled in a while and threw yourself on Yoongi squealing like a child. You kinda looked ridiculous but you couldn’t help it. Yoongi laughed at your reaction, wrapping his arms around you to return the hug you where currently giving him. God, he was so happy.

Finishing your breakfast, Yoongi helped you clean the dishes. It was about 10:30 and he suddenly remembered the promise he made to his mother the day before. He was trying to come up with some excuse to why you should come over when an opportunity appeared right in front of him. “I can steal more of my dad’s old clothes for you to wear. I figure you don’t wanna be walking around in your clothes from yesterday, no?” You said.

“Or” Yoongi said, coming up with an idea “We can go to my house. You can change here, and go to my house after so I can change, and hang out there for a bit. I don’t live far from here, maybe like a 20 minute walk.”

“Oh, okay.” You said. You’d finally get to see where he lived, so getting to go to his house kind of excited you. “I’ll get changed now then” you said before walking up to your room. You didn’t change into anything fancy, but you decided to make yourself at least decent looking since you where probably going to meet his parents. A simple pair of light blue jeans and a black tee with a blue hoodie should civic, right? You took Yoongi’s clothes off your floor and grabbed your phone from off your bedside table. Making your way down stairs, you saw that Yoongi had actually dried and put all the dishes away. “You didn’t have to do that ya know. I could’ve just put them away later on” you said.

“Eh, I got bored and you took too long” he joked. You rolled you eyes and handed him his clothes. Putting on your shoes by the door, you headed out and made sure to lock the house before leaving. Yoongi linked his arm to you and you rested your head on his shoulder while beginning to walk. To your surprise, Yoongi started walking towards the woods rather than following the side walk.

“Why are we walking this way? Do you like live in the woods or something?” you asked.

Yoongi chuckled “No, it’s just faster to go through the woods. Better to walk through the block the around it.”

“How would you know though? You’ve never been to my house before.”

‘Shit’ he thought. Quickly, he thought of a convincing lie. “Um, yeah but I’ve lived in this town my whole life. I know this neighbor hood, and I know how long it would take to walk to my house from here.” He really hoped you bought it, cause he had no other explanation.

“Have you been to this neighborhood before?” you asked

“Uh, yeah. I use to have a buddy that lived around here.” He hated lying to you, but he just wasn’t ready yet to tell you the truth. Figuring his explanation was reasonable, you followed his lead into the woods. It was still morning so the woods weren’t as creepy as they usually where during the night. Yes, you did enjoy sitting in the woods when the sun went down, but you always brought a flashlight to make your way back home. As pretty and calming as you felt by the lake, the rest of the woods looked like a death trap. Plus, you where never alone, you always had your wolf friend with you. 

After walking for sometime, Yoongi heard something walking behind you. Since being a werewolf, he can hear better than you could. It’s obviously 100x better when in wolf form, but even still he could hear better than the average human. “Wait” he said quietly as he stopped both of you in your tracks. “Be quiet for a sec.”

“Yoongi, if you’re trying to scare me it’s not funny.” You said.

“No, seriously.” He looked pretty serious, so you figured you should just take his advice. He turned his head slowly to see what was following them. Facing to the back, his eyes went wide when he recognized who was several feet away. Seeing his reaction, you turned around as well, curious to what kind of trouble you might be in. About a few yards behind you was a wolf staring right at the both of you. At first you thought it could be the wolf that sits with you by the lake, but that wolf looked kind and nonthreatening. This one looked like an actual wild animal, ready to kill. Yoongi instantly recognized it as the wolf last night from your window. ‘What the heck is a werewolf doing in wolf form during the day? Doesn’t he know how risky it is?’ he thought. Once again, the wolf had the same look in his eye, ready to fight for a mate. There was no way in hell Yoongi would let that happen, but he most diffidently wasn’t gonna change into wolf form now with you right next to him. He didn’t want you to find out that way, he wanted to explain everything first before you saw him transform. At that moment, the wolf started walking forward. His walking turned faster and it was obvious the wolf was starting to charge towards you two. “Run!” Yoongi shouted. It was his duty as your mate to fight for you, but again, he didn’t want you to see him like that yet. Telling you to run was his only option at the moment, but if the moment came and he’d have to change then he’d do it without hesitation. There was no doubt in his mind that the wolf behind him found him pathetic for running instead of fighting, but he didn’t really care. You where both running as fast as you could. You didn’t ever think you could run this fast before, but Yoongi was pulling you most of the way. Surprisingly, he was a really fast runner. He’d always get so short breathed whenever you guys jogged slightly and this kid is out running a wild animal right now. If it wasn’t for Yoongi dragging you all the way, you would’ve been dead meet for sure.

It felt like you had been running for hours, but in reality it had only been a few minutes. You where maneuvering your way through the woods, jumping over logs, kicking away leaves, running through massive puddles. It must have rained last night because the ground was all muddy and slippery. There was a few times when you almost fell, but Yoongi caught you before your feet left the ground. Finally seeing houses, you both seemed to run faster, desperate for shelter from the beast that was chasing you. Yoongi pulled you to his backyard and suddenly stopped running. There was an invisible barrier around the neighborhood that kept out wolves from other packs. When werewolves where apart of a pack, immediately any other wolves who weren’t pack members where enemies, which is why it was so hard for stray wolves (wolves without a pack) to find another pack again. “Why’d you stop?! Incase you forgot, there’s a fucking wolf running after us!” You screamed. 

“Look” he said while pointing in the direction of the woods. “It’s gone.” Both of you where struggling to speak, trying to catch your breaths.

“It could still come back!” You yelled.

“Okay, okay.” he said trying to calm you down. If the whole pack heard a new voice in the neighborhood, they’d all come rushing over to see who it was. For now, you meeting his parents was all he wanted to happen, and even then he’s still skeptical about you meeting them. “Well go inside then, come on.” He lead you up the deck and in through the backdoor. You shoes where muddy so you took them off on the mat, he did as well. As soon as you started to look around, you heard a voice yell from upstairs.

“Yoongi?” Bitna called. “Is that you?” She could smell another presence in her house. Being the leader she had much stronger senses than most wolves did in their human forms.

“Yeah Ma, just me!” Yoongi shouted back.

“And you brought a friend!” She said smiling as she made herself shown in the living room. Bitna had a kinda and gentile face, just like Yoongi, but her personality was very dominant and straight forward. “Oh how lovely it is to meet you!” She said as she walked over to you. She cupped both her hands around your cheeks and smiled. Her friendly nature was most diffidently inviting. You smiled back.

“It’s lovely to meet you too, Miss” you replied, still slightly out of breath.

“Oh please, call me Bitna!” she chirped. “You must be the girl Yoongi’s been talking about for weeks! Y/N, was it?” You nodded your head and smiled. Bitna pulled you into a tight hug. “I’ve been dying to meet you.” she pulled away but kept her hands on your shoulders. “I kept telling Yoongi he should bring you over, I’m glad I finally convinced him! You seem like a lovely girl!” Yoongi’s mom was the sweetest person ever, why hadn’t he taken you over before? Bitna looked at Yoongi to tell him something, but was distracted by how muddy the bottom of his pants were. She then looked down at your pants to see you had the same situation. “Oh my lord! What where you two doing, Mud sliding?”

“More like running from a wolf.” You said. Bitna’s eyebrows furrowed. Why was her werewolf son and his mate running from another wolf? She looked over at Yoongi for an explanation.

“I’ll explain later.” He said.

“Okay well, your friends are in the kitchen having a snack. I told them you where bringing Y/N home and they all wanted to stop by and see her too!” she said. Yoongi huffed. He didn’t know how he felt about you hanging around a pack of wolves when you were still oblivious to their true nature, but there wasn’t much he could do about it now. Making your way across the living room and into the kitchen, you saw six faces that you knew to be Yoongi’s best friends. Jungkook was the first to run up to you. He hugged you the second he saw you. Jungkook was by far your favorite of the group. You had a few classes with him, and sometimes his lunch period would be the same as yours so he’d sit with you and Dawn.

“Hi, kookie.” You chuckled as you hugged him back. You’re the only person he knows that calls him kookie. It’s usually kook or JK, but you found him so adorable you couldn’t help yourself. As Jungkook pulled away from you and led you to the table where the other guys where, Yoongi pulled his mother aside.

“Why where you running from another wolf?” asked Bitna quietly. Neither her or Yoongi wanted anyone to over hear their conversation. “Was it a regular wolf or a werewolf? Even so why was it out in broad day light?”

“A werewolf” Yoongi said. “and I don’t know, I have just as many questions as you do. I first saw it last night through her window. It looked at me with that.. that look..” He didn’t know the actual name for it.

“What look?” asked Bitna.

“Ya know that look when wolves try and challenge another for their mate?” Bitna’s eyes went wide when she heard her son explain. “Yeah, that look. It had the same look when we where running from it on the way here.”

“Was it another pack member?” she asked. Yoongi shook his head. “Well, can you think of anyone that wouldn’t want you two together?”

“Just her ex-boyfriend, but he’s not a wolf. I would’ve been able to tell when I first met him, right?” Bitna started to look guilty, remembering something she had forgotten to teach her son. “Right?” Yoongi asked again, desperate for an answer. If Chris was a wolf, then he was screwed.

“Well..” started Bitna. “Not if he’s not owned by another pack.”

“What?” asked Yoongi.

“Well you can only tell when a person’s a werewolf in human form when their apart of a pack. Wolves who aren’t in packs are hard to find cause they’re disguised so well. The only way a wolf gets thrown out of a pack is if they betray or break trust to them in some way. As further punishment, when in human form other wolves can’t tell them apart from regular humans, making it harder for them to find another pack.” she explained.

“So you’re telling me..” Yoongi huffed in annoyance “that asshole could actually succeed in taking her away from me? Mom, I’ve literally instigated him so much already cause I thought he was just a regular human!” he lowered his voice realizing there’s a chance someone could hear him. “If he really is a wolf then he’s gonna fucking kill me”

“Okay, first of all..” started Bitna, her motherly side coming out. “watch your language. Second, I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you or Y/N, sweetheart.” She stroked Yoongi’s hair so help comfort him. He waited so long to find his mate, and Bitna would do anything for her son. 

“I’m freaking out” Yoongi huffed. He rarely showed his feelings to anyone, let alone his mother. She pulled him in for a hug.

“I know, honey. Nothing bad is gonna happen I promise. I’ll put some wolves on watch over her house to protect her when you’re not there, okay?” Yoongi nodded his head. “If someone’s trying to claim your mate then you have to tell her about our world sooner. The more she understands what kind of danger she’s in, the safer she’ll be. Do you understand?” Yoongi nodded again, but slower this time. The two of them finally broke away from their hug.

“How did you tell dad?” He asked. Bitna had to dig deep in her memories, since he hadn’t thought about it in a while.

“We where laying in bed when I accidentally mentioned something about getting bonded. He just kinda looked at me funny and I panicked, so I just blurted out ‘I’m a wolf!’ He laughed, thinking it was a joke or something” Bitna laughed remember the scene that had played out that day “I kept trying to keep a serious face to get him to believe me, but he just thought I was really good at acting or something. I got kinda angry that he wasn’t believing me, so I changed to wolf form right then and there to show him.”

“Well, how’d he take it?” Yoongi asked.

“Oh, he was terrified! He ran out and didn’t speak to me for three days.” Bitna laughed like it was an hilarious joke to her. “But he’s my mate, Yoongi. The universe eventually brought us back together in a park one day. He admitted that he did miss me, but the wolf thing diffidently scared him. We went back to my house and I explained everything. It was a lot of him at first, but he came around... as will she. She might get scared at first but that won’t stop her from loving you. You have to do it eventually, sooner rather than later. You’ll feel so much better once you tell her, I promise.” Yoongi nodded, understanding what his mother was trying to say. “Now go join your friends! You look so tense, go relax a bit. You’re safe here, Yoongi.” she smiles. Looking back down at Yoongi’s pants, she says “Wait, wait! Go change first, you’re dragging mud all over my floor.” Yoongi smiled and headed upstairs to his room to change. Now being is his own clothes, be put the dirty one in his hamper and walked into the kitchen to join in on the conversation. Jungkook and Hoseok where standing in the middle trying to get a cracker from their eye to their mouth without using their hands, making everyone in the room laugh. Yoongi stood next to you while you leaned against the counter. Putting his arm around you, he kissed the top of your head. He shoulders where droopy and his facial expression leaked with stress.

“What’s wrong?” You asked quietly. You figured if something was wrong, he probably didn’t want to announce it to the whole group even if they where his best friends. Yoongi shook his head and waved his hand slight as a sign of saying ‘no’. You just nodded in response and went back to watching teenage boys play with their food. Jungkook was the one who won the game, being the first one to get the cracker in his mouth. Hoseok let the cracker fall from his face out of anger and stomped his way over to where everyone else was standing.

“You know what we should do?” Jimin declared. “We should go down to the hut and play the bottle game.” The ‘hut’ was an old abandoned playground the boys frond when they where kids, and the bottle game is the game they played almost everytime they went there. It was a simple game really, basically you just threw rocks at all the empty bottle teenagers left their whenever they went to drink. All the bottle would be spread out across the playground and whoever hit the bottle that was furthest away won. They’d play this game whenever they where stressed or sad or something. As wolves, breaking things was very therapeutic. At first, breaking things semmed like a good idea to Yoongi, but then he remembered that the hut was outside of the pack barriers and there was no way in hell he’d risk running into that wolf again.

“Nah ah, no. No way.” Yoongi stated.

“Awe, is someone still afraid of the wolf?” You said teasingly. You’ve never really seen Yoongi scared and noticeably vulnerable, it was kinda cute.

“Wolf?” Namjoon questioned.

“Yeah, there was a wolf chasing us earlier. Don’t worry about it though, it’s probably long gone by now.” You said. Namjoon was most diffidently worried. A wolf, chasing another wolf?

“Please Hyung!” Jungkook begged. The bottle game was his favorite. He was the most emotional in the group so breaking things for him helped him calm his nerves, even if he wasn’t really worked up at the moment. “We can all outfight a wolf if any do come!” Yoongi knew he was right. Jungkook and Jimin where very strong, that’s why Bitna had put them of the defense line at such a young age. Together they where impossible to beat. Namjoon and Jin where the smartest, and the best at making quick decisions and giving orders. Taehyung, Hoseok, and Yoongi where the fastest ones. With all seven of them combined they created a perfectly balanced team great for protection. Bitna had put them on protection jobs before, and they’ve never lost. Yoongi knew Jungkook had a point.

“Fine..” Yoongi gave in “But I don’t wanna be there for long, okay?” They all nodded their heads in agreement. Yoongi then informed his mother of where they where going. She wasn’t sure if it was the best thing at the moment to go outside of barrier walls, but then again, the seven of them have never been defeated before. After Bitna gave her approval, the eight of you grabbed your shoes and headed out the door.

You all traveled in a group to the playground. You had strayed away from Yoongi to join Jungkook and Jimin in the front. Yoongi was in the back hanging out with Namjoon. “What did Y/N mean when she said you where being chased by a wolf?” he asked.

“Exactly that” replied Yoongi. “It wasn’t a wolf for our pack, but it was challenging me for my mate.” Namjoon was shocked. Challenging another wolf for their mate was looked down upon, and was considered a disgrace. It rarely happened, but when it did, it always ended pretty nasty.

“Well, what are you gonna do?” He asked.

“I have no idea. I mean, I have to tell her even sooner now! She just can’t go walking around town not know what’s after her, but I kinda just want to shield her from all the bad things, ya know? I mean i just found her, and i refuse to let someone take her away.” Yoongi was rambling, something he rarely did, but he didn’t care.

“We’ll protect you both no matter what,” Namjoon comforted “and we won’t let anyone lay a finger on Y/N.” Yoongi just nodded in response. “I’ll make sure to tell the others to stay on high alert.”

“High alert for what?” Taehyung jumped in out of no where, making Namjoon flinch.

“Someone is challenging Yoongi for his mate, that’s why another wolf was chasing them earlier. Just keep a look out for anything suspicious.” Informed Namjoon.

“Oh shit, really? Im sorry, Hyung.” Taehyung didn’t know any other way to comfort his friend, but Yoongi appreciated it anyways. Along the rest of the way, Namjoon pulled the other four boys aside one by one to let them know about the situation. Jungkook’s heart instantly dropped and angered poured out of his ears. Not only was this wolf trying to hurt his brother, but he was also trying to take away his new best friend. Jungkook saw you as like an older sister to him, even calling you Noona a few times when he wanted something or was just in a sweet mood. He decided that he wouldn’t leave your side until you where back inside the pack barrier.

About another five minutes had passed before you where all at the playground. The play set looked rusty and unsteady, diffidently something that shouldn’t be climbed on. The wood chips on the ground had turned a dark brown color and the dirt underneath was starting to show. There was a fence the bordered the area but a good portion of it had been cut down. There where empty bottles left from drunk teenagers scattered everywhere along with other food and drink wrappers and bottles. Some lost shoes and old gloves lingered around as well, and it was obvious people came here often, but no one ever bothered to clean up. Even the seven boys never picked up their broken bottled they smashed, there was broken bottled everywhere, some where put into a pile to at least some sort of maintenance around here, but a lot where just randomly scattered around. The placed looked like a dump, but a frequently visited one. “Okay!” shouted Jin. “Y/N and Jungkook, you two look on the far side of the hut for unbroken bottles we can use. Jimin and Taehyung, you look on this side for bottles. Hoseok and Yoongi, go hunt for rocks in the woods so we have something to throw.”

“What about you and Namjoon?” asked Hoseok.

“We’ll keep an eye out.” he was referring to the dangerous wolf trying to challenge Yoongi.

“An eye out for what?” you asked. Jin froze, he forgot you still didn’t know.

“Uh- he means watch over everyone. Ya know, help find rocks but also help find bottles. Just supervise... n’ stuff.” Said Namjoon to cover for Jin. You just shrugged. Jin was the oldest and Namjoon did have a leader type role in the group, so it kinda made sense for them to watch over everyone. You all then split up to do the tasked you where assigned to do. You and Jungkook walked to the other side of the playground, like told, and started picking up any bottles that weren't smashed already. You had a few bottles in your hand, when you hear Jungkook calling you.

“Y/N! There’s more bottles over here!” He was pointing towards behind a boulder that was just outside the playground fence.

“Okay!” you shouted as you made your way over to where he was, and he was right, there was a lot more unbroken bottles. A group of kids must have been drinking here recently cause they all looked new, some bottles even still had a little bit of alcohol in them. As you and Jungkook where behind the rock, Yoongi and Hoseok where in the woods collecting rocks like told. That left Jin, Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung left on the playground, brushing away wood chips to see if there where any bottles hidden underneath. The only thing the boys heard where the sound of their own footsteps, they didn’t even notice when a stranger had appeared.

“Hello?” The stranger shouted. Taehyung was the first to lift his head up, followed by the other three boys. “Hi! Um, Im kinda lost. I was taking a hike and I lost the trail I was following. Could you maybe tell me how to get back to town? Oh! and would it be okay if i used someone’s phone? Mine died a while back and my sister probably worried sick.” Taehyung raised his eyebrow. Why did this guy look so familiar? How was he supposed to know this wasn’t the guy that was trying to challenge Yoongi? Taehyung turned his head back to ask for his Hyungs’ opinions. They all just looked at each other for a moment. Jin just shrugged and Namjoon just kept his expression blank. Taehyung couldn’t sense this guy was a wolf, so he must have really just been a lost hiker. Plus, if he was a wolf then he must have been smart enough to know there was no way he’d stand a chance against seven others.

“Yeah.. sure.” Taehyung said. The man then sighed in relief and stepped towards where the boy was standing. “It’s just a five minute walk that way to get to the main road.” he said as he pointed in the direction in which the eight of you came. He then reached in his pocket to pull out his phone for the stranger to use. In all honesty, it wasn’t unusual for the boys to meet a stranger here. People came here all the time to get drunk or high. Often people hiking who got lost always asked them for help, just like this situation now. Taehyung unlocked his phone and held it out for the man to take, but oddly enough the stranger didn’t/

“I’m Chris.” he introduced. Something about this guy gave Taehyung the spooks.

“Um.. Taehyung.” he replied, introducing himself back.

“Wait a minute!” Shouted Jimin. “You’re that guy from the pizza place, the one harassing our friend.” Jimin pushed Taehyung out of the way to stand right in front of Chris. The boys had already grown suspicious of Chris before the recognized him, but now that they know he had tried to hurt you before, there was no way they’d let him come any closer. There was a good chance this was the guy trying to claim you. All four of the boys had started to walk closer to form a mini wall in front of him.

“Oh..” Chris awkwardly chuckled “yeah, I was in idiot. Her boyfriend didn’t seem to like me very much, heh.”

“Yeah,” said Jimin “he doesn’t.” The two stared intense eye contact for a few seconds before someone came walking out of the woods.

Hoseok and Yoongi had collected a lot of rocks and their arms where starting to get heavy, so they decided to walk back. Yoongi’s heart shot up in fear and anger when he saw the one person he was sure was trying to challenge him for his mate. Immediately he dropped all the rocks and rushed over. He was panicking cause he didn’t know where you where, you didn’t seem to be anywhere in sight. “What are you doing here?” Yoongi shouted. Chris’s eyes looked like they could shoot out fire when he saw Yoongi walking towards him. 

“Im lost” said Chris.

“Lost my ass, what are you really doing here?” By the way Chris was looking at him, there was no doubt this was the wolf from earlier. Chris just chuckled as he rolled his neck.

“Well... again, I didn’t come to start anything... today” he claimed.

“You sure seemed to want to start something this morning.” Yoongi gritted through his teeth. Chris just smiled. That was conformation for everyone in the group that this was the guy trying to claim you. 

“You figured it out, huh? I have to say I enjoyed watching you run. You’re more of a pussy than I thought you where.” He chuckled. “So, where is she? I know you came here with her, I wanna see her.”

“She’s busy.” Cut in Namjoon. Just at that moment, you and Jungkook came out behind the rock and where walking towards the group. Since the six of them where blocking Chris from your direction, you couldn’t tell what was going on.

“Hyung!” Jungkook shouted “We got bottles, and a lot of them too!” The whole group turned around, reveling who they where all standing in front of. Your smile vanished when you saw it was your least favorite person on the planet.

“Chris?” you shouted “What the fuck are you doing here?” How the heck did he even find you guys out here anyways? Chris just smiled at you. ‘Oh god,’ you thought ‘what is he up to now?’

“Im here for you sweetheart!” he said back. Jungkook stopped in his tracks when he pieced together what was happening from context clues. The both of you where only half way across the playground when he put his hand in front of you to stop you from walking any closer. “What are you doing?” you asked him.

“Don’t go any closer.” he said.

“Kookie, it’s just my ex. He’s a dick and the worst he’ll do is try and convince me to be with him again.” You found his protectionist cute, but unnecessary.

“No,” he said sternly “Im serious, don’t move.” Now you where really confused. Why was everyone freaking out? It’s just Chris. Jungkook then stood in front of you to use his body as a shield. 

“Fine.” Chris said “You won’t come to me then I’ll come to you.” he started walking towards you but didn’t make it very far, cause Hoseok pushed him back. Everytime he’d try and push his way through one of the boys would hold him back. Chris realized he wasn’t gonna get to you unless he did something about it. he then turned to Yoongi. “Have you told her yet?” he asked. Yoongi just raised his eyebrow, “about what we are?” Yoongi didn’t respond but Chris got the hint that you where still clueless. “Well,” he said “Then I’ll make it easier for you.”

You didn’t see much, all you saw was Chris falling to the floor and the boys started to back up. What was going on? Was Chris drunk or something? “Jungkook!” Yoongi shouted “Get her out of here!” In an instant Jungkook took your hand and started running. The other boys had all started to transform into their wolf forms to stop Chris from getting any closer. There was no way in hell they’d be able to stop him in their human forms.

Jungkook thought he was running fast enough so you wouldn’t be able to see anything, but he was wrong. The last thing you saw was your boyfriend’s body shifting in an ungodly way. Suddenly, you recognized his form had turned into the wolf from the lake. Seeing him and his friend’s bodied morph into beasts made you stop running to look back. Jungkook realized you let go and looked back to see you watching the scene take place. It must have been too much for you, cause your face turned white and had the look for pure horror on your face.

The last thing you remembered was falling to the ground, and everything went black.

End of Chapter 4

{Hi lovelies! Oh my gosh Im so sorry this was a day late. I started school and things have been pretty busy recently but I hope you enjoyed the chapter regardless. I’ll be updating every Saturday now (maybe Sundays if I need a bit more time) but yeah. Feel free to ask questions or make comments. The smut scene is coming soon I promise. It’ll either be next chapter or the chapter afterwards, depending on how the story line plays out. Okay, that’s it! Have a nice day!}

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

1-70 🙊

really… Really... R E A L L Y… How very fcking BOLD of you 😂

You know what, since I’m in such a good mood after watching Juliana “Braver than every Marine” Valdes go off on her deadbeat abusive father and defend her love for her soulmate Valentina, I’m actually gonna answer all 70 for you.

1. You just opened up a web browser. What is the first site you visit?

Tumblr of course, gotta get caught up on today’s gayness.

2. You just walked into a bookstore. What section do you go to first?

Mystery, I only go into a bookstore for one author and it’s Iris Johansen.

3. You are hanging with your closest friends. What are you most likely doing?

Something that could probably end badly for us lol My friends and I always look back on our nights out saying to each other “atleast we didn’t die tho” 

4. You just turned your car on. What station is the radio tuned to?

I don’t have radio stations set because I can’t stand the commercials, I need constant music when I’m driving so I always have my phone playlists on.

5. You have just woken up for the morning. What is the first things you do?

Go to the kitchen because I’m hungry, look around at the food, then go back to bed because I’m still too sleepy to make something to eat.

6. Complete this phrase: You cannot buy happiness, but you can buy____.

“but you can buy things that will MAKE you happy… such as dogs, a house in a safe neighborhood, a reliable car, medications and medical supplies, etc.”

7. What would you do if you woke up as the opposite gender?

First, I’d cry. Then I’d go practice my aim peeing standing up lol

8. Are you more likely to cook for yourself or buy food from a restaurant?

More often than not I’m cooking for myself, especially if I’m training because it’s cheaper eating healthy with homemade meals. 

9. If you had to lose one of your senses, which one would you rather lose?

I need my sight, hearing, and touch for sure, and I already know how much it sucks to lose taste after my radiation treatments, so smell would have to go.

10. If you could relive any one year of your life, how old would you be?

17, I’d wanna relive my first year of college.

11. Would you take a bullet for anyone you know?

My mom, brothers, nieces and nephews.

12. Would you rather be rich and dumb or poor and extremely intelligent?

Poor and intellige– nah fck that, I’d legit take being rich and dumb because if being dumb means I can secure my family’s future then I’m good, I could always pay someone to handle the brainy shit for me while I’m swimming in money lol

13. What TV character do you most relate to?

Tasha Williams from The L Word.

14. You just walked into a supermarket. What section do you first go to?

Sports & Outdoors… knowing damn well I don’t need to be buying anything but hoping to find a good deal on something so I can justify buying it.

15. Is sex before marriage wrong?

HELL NO! Sex is right… Marriage all together is wrong, wouldn’t recommend it.

16. You just won the lottery. What is the first thing you do with your winnings?

Buy a new phone and one-way ticket outta the state so no one can hit me up asking for money lol 

17. If your best friend admitted that they have a crush on you, how would you react?

I’d be flattered and make some joke about her having horrible taste in women.

18. Will the USA ever have a female president?

**I’ll have an answer to this question after November 3rd 2020**

19. You are carpooling with your friends. Are you more likely to be the driver or a passenger?

Unless it’s my turn to be the DD, I’m not driving with my friends.

20. How short is too short for skirts and dresses?

That’s not for me to decide because I’m not the one wearing them so if a woman is comfortable with a skirt that barely covers her labia, then more power to her. 

21. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, without any consequences, what food would you choose?

Pizza, there are so many variety of toppings that I’d never get tired of eating it.

22. It’s Saturday night. What are you most likely doing?

Reading fanfiction

23. You go on a blind date. Your date is extremely beautiful and physically captivating, but you hate their personality. Would you want a second date?

Ab-So-Lute-Ly fcking not! All of the beauty in the world can’t make up for an ugly ass personality. I mean we could be fck buddies, but never a “dating” situation.

24. How strict should gun laws be?

25. Would you rather be the worst player on the best team or the best player on the worst team?

Worst player on the best team because I wouldn’t be able to stand being the one putting in all the work while my teammates slack off. Atleast if I’m on the best team I’d be able to learn from players who are better than me. 

26. How well do you work with others?

Not well at all unless I haaaave to.

27. You have the ability to cure only one fatal disease and eradicate it forever. What disease do you choose?

Whatever disease is most deadly to dogs, I’d eradicate that one. 

28. If you could go back to college and choose a different degree to study, would you?

Nope, forensic science is what I was meant to study, I loved every minute of it.

29. Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

Bish I can’t even see myself 10 days from now, I don’t fcking know lol

30. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?

Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-ChoicePro-Choice

31. Would you attend a same sex wedding if invited?

Yes my gay ass would happily attend a gay wedding.

32. So far, what has been the greatest day of your life?

The day I landed in Germany for my first duty station.

33. Has anyone you know ever been arrested?

Yeah.

34. If it could be one season year-round, what season do would you want it to be?

Winter.

35. What is your biggest regret in life?

Not making my ex sign a prenup smh

36. If you could bring one celebrity back from the dead, who would it be?

37. What offends you the most?

Non-black people saying nigga. I don’t care if they’re white, latino, asian, any other person of color… or if they’re gay, bi, trans, any other minority… or if their sister-in-law’s baby cousin Tracy got a brother and his girlfriend’s black. If they aint black & they have nigga in their vocabulary, they’re a piece of shit, periodT

38. Would you rather have an ugly hairstyle or be bald?

No question about it…

39. At what age did you have your first alcoholic beverage?

Listen, I learned when I was like 8 or 9 to keep my ass in a child’s place when I tried to be slick and take a few sips from a beer can my cousin left on the table… only to get a mouthful of cigarette butts -_-

40. What do you think happens to us when we die?

Nothing, you just dead.

41. What do you think is the best way to quit smoking?

Have some willpower to not be an asshole who pollutes the air I gotta breathe. 

42. If you could take home any one animal from the zoo, which animal would you choose?

Penguin 

43. We’re humans created or did we evolve from earlier species?

44. What scares you the most?

Dying and being the introvert I am, no one would even know anything was wrong until 6 months went by without hearing from me, and my body’s just laying there decaying and making me unpresentable for my own damn funeral  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

45. What personality trait turns you off the most?

Being disloyal. 

46. You got offered a job to do something you hate, but the pay will make you rich. Do you take it?

Yeah… then once I’m rich I’ll quit :) 

47. If today you only had what you were thankful for yesterday, how much would you have?

Enough… not enough… 

48. How often do you get mad or upset at yourself?

Every damn day

49. If you could choose one celebrity to be your parent, who would you choose?

Michelle or Barack Obama.

50. If you could only listen to one musical artist for the rest of you life, who would you be listening to?

The Rap God himself.

51. Have you ever used you cell phone while driving?

Guilty.

52. Had anyone you were close to die way too young?

Yes.

53. Is world peace possible?

*Refer to question 18*

54. You go on a blind date. You date is extremely ugly and physically appalling, but you are madly in love with their personality. Would you want a second date?

A bomb ass personality is worth a second date.

55. How did you discover that Santa Claus isn’t real?

When I realized that whole story never made any sense… no white dude was coming to the hood to give niggas toys for free. Momma aint raise no dummy.

56. Do you believe in God, or some form of higher deity?

I believe in Deism, the knowledge of a God based on the application of our reason on the designs/laws found throughout nature. The designs presuppose a Designer. Deism is therefore a “natural” religion, not a “revealed” religion. It is the recognition of a universal creative force greater than mankind, supported by personal observation, perpetuated and validated by the innate ability of human reason coupled with the rejection of claims made by individuals and organized religions of having received special divine revelation.

57. If you could save someone you deeply cared about, but it meant breaking a law, would you do it?

IN A HEARTBEAT! 

58. What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done for money?

Enlisted in the military.

59. If you were to make a YouTube video about what you know most about, what would the subject be?

Being a ✊🏿 black 🌈 lesbian ♀️ woman. 

60. What do you think is your greatest personality flaw?

I have very little patience. 

61. If your friends spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still want them as friend?

Hey, if they’re honest then I can’t be mad at em.

62. Have you ever “woke up like this”?

Sometimes I do be waking up like this if I may say so myself

63. You got offered a job to do something you love, but the pay is one of the worst out there. Do you take it?

If it’s not a livable wage then obviously no. But if it’s a livable wage that doesn’t leave me with extra money, then yeah doing what I love is worth the sacrifice.

64. What do you think is your best physical feature?

100% my muscles, I don’t put in work at the gym and eat vegetables for nothing!

65. What do you think is your worst physical feature.

I’m 5′1″… 9 times outta 10 I’m the shortest adult in the room… aint that a bitch

66. Do you know anyone who has committed suicide?

No.

67. What is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone you don’t know?

Not knock them the fck out when they said black people need to be happy white people haven’t made us their slaves again yet.

68. Have you ever had a night’s dream come true?

Idk but I swear I have moments of deja vu tho, then I think maybe they were actually just things I dreamed about in the past… hell if I know.

69. How would you reject a date offer from someone you didn’t like?

Tell them I don’t like them. I’m all about being direct. 

70. Which do you think is worse: Failure, or never trying at all?

Never trying. Nothing wrong with trying and failing, everything wrong with being too lazy to even try. 

[jasonblossomsghost]

1-64 and 65: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?mm no more my own? i dissociate Constantly

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?4 unless i’m w someone else then 1

3. The person you would never want to meet?drumpf

4. What is your favorite word?hmm idk iridocyclitis is fun, a meme, and i work for an eye doctor so relevant to my occupation

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?i like weeping willows and i cry a lot so

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?we’re really doing this again huh

7. What shirt are you wearing?a long sleeved red and navy striped shirt that my mommy gave me

8. What do you label yourself as?a disaster

9. Bright room or dark room?bright room. fun fact: when i was ab 13 i could not sleep unless my overhead light was on. sometimes if im doing really badly i still need it lmao

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?uhh iirc i was talking to my boyfriend and playing wordscapes

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?idk 19 is going ok so far

12. Who told you they loved you last?my boyfriend

13. Your worst enemy?either myself or this one coworker of mine who i genuinely hate

14. What is your current desktop picture?just the preset one,,, idc that much lmao

15. Do you like someone?i mean my s/o is pretty cool sometimes

16. The last song you listened to?Outside - The Early November

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?me bitch tf

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?that one coworker... this one patient at my job who degrades me and my coworkers constantly

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?no one and nothing... i like to do things myself

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)idk tbh 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?don’t really like this question or the phrase opposite sex in general  so pass /:

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?nah i’m Talentless

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?you know overflow drains in like bathtubs? until i was like 10 i had to have my back against them bc i was scared people could watch me through it 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.i live off popcorn so i dont eat or like sandwiches really

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?put it in savings. i’m tryna move out in 6 months

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?hmm idk. i have a friend in san francisco i havent seen in forever so that would be lit

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?smirnoff 100%

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no geminis

29. What is your favorite expletive?fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?i was gonna say my fire safe box that has my social security card, birth certificate, etc then i was like wait a minute... but tbh idk maybe my laptop? or my purse?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?my childhood was like 98% trauma but like.. it made me not suck that bad so i’ll keep it

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!i wanna move to seattle but thats in country so.. no idea. sweden? i like ikea

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?don’t fuck w the dead. no one is coming back

34. What was your last dream about?last sunday night i dreamt i woke up monday (christmas eve) and didnt go to work even though i was supposed to (paranoia. i had the day off lmao)

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?i am very good at loving dogs

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?yeah lots of times lmao

37. Have you ever built a snowman?yep. shitty but a snowman

38. What is the color of your socks?black

39. What type of music do you like?depends. sad boi music lately

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?sunrises 100%

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?i can’t drink milk /: but maybe strawberry

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)i am gay idk sports

43. Do you have any scars?quite a few! i’m a clumsy clusterfuck

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?i’m currently in college for poli sci and after i graduate w my BA, i wanna go to law school

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?idk?? like i hate myself but i also dont really wanna change anything

46. Are you reliable?generally yes. but i am known to cancel plans bc i’m depressed lol

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?hows life dude

48. Do you hold grudges?oh hell yeah not gonna play like i dont

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?nope dont like that At All

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?nothing really stands out... probably something from work but i take 100 calls a day so? they all blur together

51. Are you a good liar?really good. i don’t lie though. i’m actually brutally honest bordering on asshole

52. How long could you go without talking?dayssss i love not speaking

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?uhh freshman year i had an awful side part... next

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?yeah! i’m really great at cooking and baking!

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?not really? i took 2 years french and 4 years spanish and to pronounce properly i have to talk differently so i guess i kinda take on an accent then? but not actually

56. What do you like on your toast?i have celiac and gluten free bread is like $5 i dont eat toast lmao

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?i had to do a portrait in the style of francis bacon for my art final

58. What would be you dream car?ideally something that uses clean energy other than that idc

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.no and no.. i just shower what y’all doing in the shower

60. Do you believe in aliens?1000000%

61. Do you often read your horoscope?not often.. like if i happen across it i’ll read it

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?i’m not sure. m is a nice letter

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?dinosaurs bc they were real

64. What do you think about babies?honestly? terrified of them 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.if i were a bird maybe a magpie? or a crow or raven? or one of those really annoying parakeets

[remembermemorablememories]

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

post #379

main points:

- breakfast muffin 

- binge another few episodes of the punisher + sandwich for lunch

- asia trip planning with dimitri

- dinner with chris eric and mylinh

- finish season 2 of the punisher

- hang out with sheena

today i:

- woke up at 10:30am and snoozed a bit until 11am again. the construction guy wasn’t here today cause we haven’t gotten the countertops in yet, still waiting on the other company to do that. mom was working from home though

- i went downstairs and ate the last banana nut muffin + some milk. i finished half of it and then wanted something salty. so i made a sandwich. just a plain old whole grain + ham + cheese. LOL. our toaster and microwave are still functioning while there’s renovations so that’s all i could really make. i didn’t wanna wash the dishes too if i used cooking utensils. so i just kept it simple. ate it with another bag of chips

watched 3 episodes of the punisher from S2E9 to S2E12. i was engrossed in the series it was reaaaaaally good. i feel like there were some plot holes though. or kind of felt like it. but it definitely kept up the action as well/was still entertaining. also i finished the second half of the muffin at some point as my mini dessert

- around 4:30pm dimitri messaged me asking if i wanted to do planning now instead of tomorrow. cause we were gonna call tonight but then i had dinner plans so i couldn’t so i pushed it back to tomorrow. but he got off work early so i was like sure why not, i’m not really doing much anyway :p 

- we planned out all of the lodging for shanghai, HK and thailand. all that’s left is beijing and we should be set. we looked roughly into what we might wanna do in HK and thailand, but were more so focused on getting housing. but since housing kind of goes hand in hand with lodging, it also made sense to at least consider it. we were on facetime for maybe two hours until like 7pm. we also just kind of chatted a bit about smash and personal finance. dad gave me the chase debit card that came in

- at 7pm i had a small bowel movement (second one of the day) and then went to a wings place where they have specials. i met up with eric chris and mylinh. they had gotten there earlier, picking chris up at the train station and anticipating a line wait. but they got seated right away. we were supposed to meet up at 7:30 there but they were already there at 7:15. so i rushed over and got there at like 7:35pm. i hadn’t seen eric or mylinh in like a year which is wild. we all caught up a bit about what we’re up to / working / school / career stuff. then we talked about CSGO and fortnite. and smash 4 and melee, zero, leffen armada. a bit about the superbowl coming up. eric talked about the controversial pass interference call in one of the championship games. we all shared some tater tots and then got two orders of fries and shared those. everyone got 10 wings. i got bbq and finished them all. and most of the fries. omg i was bloated. jesus. it was my second time ever there. the first time was last year when i met up with mylinh and eric :p 

- we left around 9pm and i got back around 9:30pm. i came back and finished the final episode of the punisher :O S2E13. that was a really interesting ending... almost kind of anti climactic... although i don’t really know what i was expecting, maybe a flashier bigger battle...? oh well, still a really good TV show

- went to check in on sheena and she seemed a bit upset :/ i talked with her a bit and then got the giggles and couldn’t stop laughing which got her laughing a bit :p but she also wanted to be left alone so that she could let out her emotions. i didn’t want her to be sad/cry so i kept staying with her in her room. she said i was like baymax from big hero 6. then eventually she left and walked downstairs and i followed her. and then we hung out downstairs for a while, me bothering her and her just wanting to be alone... :s and then we went back upstairs. i told her i’d leave her alone and take a shower so she stayed in her room and i showered for 20 minutes. then i went to check in on her and she seemed better / started to work on her two essays

- i chilled with her from 12:30am-1:28am and i’m about to go to sleep. i was catching up on yesterday and today’s blog posts. whew so tired. gonna wake up tomorrow at 8:30am to hop on a call with walter

also health update. i tried to apply the hydrocortisone deeper by using a laying down position and it just might’ve worked... cause i’ve been having maybe 2 or 3 loose watery stool tonight after i got back from wings dinner... maybe it’s inflammation of the rectal area because of the medicine? or maybe it’s just cause the tip of the applicator wasn’t properly cleaned... who knows. i guess we’ll see

okay i’mma go to sleep GOOD NIGHT

the end

[ghoulstars]

i Sure Would Like to not have to be literally relieved/excited when my mom goes to bed every single night because otherwise i feel constantly tense and at risk of something happening to make my living situation unsafe, again, even if we’ve had a good/normal day

shes back on her fucking bullshit today and she usually confronts me on things that have made her Mad(tm) that ive “done” but today she hasnt said jack shit to me. all i can figure is: shes upset that i didnt get up and help her stain the wood for the porch we’re building where our old shitty side deck was shes upset bc i didnt wash all the dishes ?????????? who fucking knows

heres the kicker though folks: i didnt wash all the dishes because for some reason, since replacing our water heater, when the water from the sink starts getting cold it doesnt gradually get cold, it literally goes from like scalding hot (even thru gloves) to hardly lukewarm and i was only washing dishes for about 20? 30? minutes last night before the water temp fucking plummeted so i couldnt finish. bonus is that there were literally only like 5-7 things left to wash and it was literally just 3 styrofoam cups, one pot and like...2 or 3 forks/spoons. absolutely incredible and worth spitefully giving your daughter the cold shoulder over, am i right folks

and me helping stain was only even a fucking a possibility because she gave me an open ended offer to help her last night and i gave an open ended response. she asked me if i wanted to try to go to bed early enough and she would call me in the morning and just see if i wanted/felt up to come out and help, and i said i would be willing to try and id do my best. so when my manic ass had a manic moment and i slept for 3 hrs from 6 am to 8 and was dying and couldnt pass back out for any reason of course i texted her and told her i couldnt fucking help lmao. my fucked sleep schedule is a result of my Crazy Quirky Wacky Bipolar 2 anyway and like she refuses to help me or sympathize with me abt my mental health so ??? guess ill die?????

i didnt get back to sleep around fucking like 12/1 pm and i noticed that she stopped fucking replying to my texts literally right after i said i couldnt help and then every time she walked past my room, where i was Clearly Awake And On My Phone With My Door Open, she flat out ignored me. wouldnt even spare me a side glance.

and when i woke up at 5 pm today, no matter how late i wake up my mom always comes and wakes me up no matter what, today she walked by my room twice EVEN WHEN IT WAS THAT LATE AND I WAS STILL IN BED without saying jack fucking shit to me, and only came in on her third time walking back by to her sitting room and just blankly went ‘youre not laying here in the dark’, turned on my light, then swiftly left

then before that she’d texted me, after telling me for weeks to just use our limited data even if it runs over bc our wifi cant handle my phone being connected along with all our other devices anymore, that im going to have to use my laptop now bc she isnt paying another 200$ phone bill this month. here’s kicker number 2: after literally outright giving me her food plans for tonight and tomorrow yesterday she also texts me that she didnt cook. just a flat “I didn’t cook”. im so fucking depressed all the time that i physically and mentally cannot handle getting up to find and cook myself my own like ACTUAL MEALS and making food that requires actual cooking is often times out of the fucking question, and shes been not cooking for SEVERAL nights here recently, sometimes days in a row, and with my depression being wholly unacknowledged by her, once again, guess ill fucking perish??? unless i can miraculously find the energy to make chicken fingers or ramen noodles im going to be doing what ive fucking done almost every goddamn night this past month she hasnt cooked which is live off of snack foods and ensure lmao. KICKER NUMBER 3: she promised me that either tonight or tomorrow, bc she has a Big Foobaw Game, she wouldnt cook and would instead get me my alltime favorite chinese food from my alltime favorite chinese restaurant that she knows i love a lot, and regardless of what night her game was, she didnt cook tonight and i LITERALLY heard her say less than an hr ago that she’d be cooking tacos (which she intended to originally cook tonight) tomorrow. that being said, her specifically saying she ‘didnt cook’ today when she promised to get takeout in general at some point this week makes me think tonight was just supposed to be tacos (esp if what i think i can remember serves). and now she hasnt cooked anything at all! and tomorrow its gonna be tacos! :) fucking knowing how she is and how she works and functions with her abusive behavior towards me i would not be surprised and am also partially convinced that for whatever reason she’s all DooDoo Angery at me that shes doing this on fucking purpose to deprive me of the treat she promised out of spite/as some kind of passive aggressive ‘punishment’ HAHAHAHA ECKS DEE SO FUNNY XDDD

the only other time shes acknowledged my fucking worthless existence(tm) today was to pull one of her Iconic “im only saying this really ridiculous shit that ive never said before and we’ve never talked about before, ever, just to take digs at my daughter bc she Displeased Me” moments, where she walked by, almost totally ignored me again but stopped like. like she was gonna just keep walking but caught herself and she ended up like...halfway obscured by my doorway anyway and quickly said to me “i need you to sweep.” and then she went to the bathroom and i hear “and take your (cat) poop out too. litterboxes get done every night.”

we have two litterboxes. never in the history of ever has she said anything to me about they get done Every Night >:( and that has never been an established rule, nor have we ever even spoken about me doing that. i do them every few nights, usually on different days, bc there’s Two Litterboxes. and surprise surprise my depression impedes my ability to keep up with them without her having to tell me to clean them most of the time which pisses her off, except i literally did them 1-3 nights ago and theres no way that they both need cleaning again already and now shes suddenly on her shit like. they get done. every night. in that fucking vaguely militant voice she gets when she’s mad like that and is fucking with me on purpose

but fucking like even regardless of all this other shit, point blank, she is the one who has not expressed any of her annoyances with me today to make her act like this. how can i fucking communicate about the issue when she doesnt TELL ME WHAT HER ISSUE IS and instead opts to mentally and emotionally screw with me for her own satisfaction--and even then!!! she has no right to be this mad with me over not helping with the porch bc SHE left it OPEN ENDED and NONCOMMITTAL, SHE could have easily asked me why there were dishes left (though bc i have to do them so late at night/early in the morning bc im fucking depressed shed prolly just blame me FOR doing them at that time bc if i do them TOO LATE at night then the WATER TEMPERATURE GOES DOWN because its COLD AT NIGHT or something like that) but she didnt and now like everything else, fresh off my period, still manic, always rapid cycling, just got off the manic depression train slightly after being on it for two days and then before that it was Severely Uncomfortable Euphoria, feeling just so fucking wrong in my own skin and feeling too many emotions that are too strong that i dont want, so on and so forth, im the one whos suffering because of her unresolved neuroses and narcissism

and like....to be honest, real shit? with how fucking unpredictable and fucky she’s become since our Big Fight i also would not be surprised and sort of have half a mind to think she’s just mad for literally no reason (related to me or otherwise) and is doing this just because lol

[meepface]

1-100!

oof, thank you lmfao

1: is there a boy/girl in your life?

there’s a boy in my life which is crazy to me bc i was starting to think i could only feel this way about girls. i am bi though, that is very much so confirmed

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

i can think of two people right now honestly and i forgive them both. i learned from them and i grew from those experiences and i hope they do as well. i wish nothing but the best for them

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

my best friend got a new cat and she’s SO SMALL and she likes me a lot and cats don’t usually like me so it’s great

4: what’s something you really want right now?

to hang out with my boy but i’m doing that tonight! also i would really love to go to Iceland

5: are you afraid of falling in love?

oh absolutely terrified, yes, but it’s a growing experience every time and i think it’s always worth it whether they end up being the one or not

6: do you like the beach?

not really at all honestly

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

yes

8: what’s the background on your cell?

my lock screen is my dog Sophie and my home screen is just some pine trees

9: name the last four beds you were sat on?

my own, my brother’s, my boyfriend’s and my best friend’s

10: do you like your phone?

i honestly wish i didn’t have a phone a lot of times lmao i hate texting people and i hate social media and i hate being subconsciously addicted to it. i’m definitely trying to work on using it less

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?

not at all but they’re going pretty fucking great so i’m not complaining

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

a new coworker of mine

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

both i love dogs

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

emotional

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

both ??

16: are you tired?

a little bit, i just woke up and i definitely wanted to sleep in a little later than 10:30 but my body will not go back to sleep

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?

lmaooo since middle school, he was actually my first “boyfriend” if you even count the like 4 days we dated

18: are they a relative?

not at all, just some crusty boy i don’t even talk to anymore. last i heard he moved and is trying to be a monk which is strange considering the person he is

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

i would not

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

he texted me this morning but the last time we spoke was like over the phone two days ago. he’s been busy moving and shit and so we haven’t gotten to see each other for a lil bit but i see him today so it’s all good

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

not today, i’d definitely still wait and if they’re the right person i’m sure they’d wait too

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

oh my god absolutely, i’m gonna kiss him so much tonight

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

none, i don’t really care for bracelets

24: is there a certain quote you live by?

there’s a few! “let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier,” “if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely,” and “be kinder and gentler.”

25: what’s on your mind?

i’m kind of hungry and i definitely smell pancakes in the other room but other than that i’m super nervous to hang out with my boyfriend’s friends for the first time today bc i want them to like me lmao

26: do you have any tattoos?

i have three, a sun and moon on my wrists and “lovely” on my inner arm

27: what is your favorite color?

cerulean

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

toniiiiight

29: who are you texting?

my friend Stein, my friend Joe and i was texting my boyfriend but i think he fell back asleep

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

yes lmao all the time

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

yes

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

yes my good pal Joe and also my friend Brendon and also my friend Cory and also my friend Derryck and also my boyfriend but he’s more than just a friend so i don’t think that counts

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?

i would hope my boyfriend does

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

i get that fairly often actually bc my eyeballs are fucking massive and bright green and it makes me happy when people say that bc i used to hate em

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

i would be really really really disappointed and upset bc he knows how difficult its been for me lately and he knows i’ve been cheated on before and he’s been so fucking good to me so it would be a huge knock down to my ability to trust anyone. i’d honestly just break up with him quickly and as kindly as i could and just not talk to him again. i definitely think it would be harder to trust afterwards and i’d be heartbroken but luckily we wouldn’t have been together long enough for it to fuck me up too bad yet. BUT, he’s literally an angel and i can’t see him ever doing this to me so this is all hypothetical

36: were you single on valentines day?

no i was not

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?

we’re dating

38: what do your friends call you?

my name

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?

i think my parents at one point but it’s all good, i’ve clearly already forgotten and moved on

40: have you ever cried over a text?

plenty of times

41: where’s your last bruise located?

i have a random ass bruise on my knee and i have no idea what that’s about

42: what is it from?

no clue

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

oh all the time lately, it’s hard to be at home right now. but i also just want to be out of state for a while

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?

my best friend called me to tell me how her date went

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

yeah i have these bright white pumas that i loooove they look so cool and they’re so comfy

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

yep, i look good in snapbacks and dad hats so it works out

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?

no i don’t have the face shape to pull that off

48: do you make supper for your family?

i would but i’m so bad at cooking that i don’t think they would want that

49: does your bedroom have a door?

yes

50: top 3 web-pages?

youtube, netflix and then my school’s login page apparently

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?

my mom does

52: does anything on your body hurt?

my stomach is a little upset but it’s not too terrible

53: are goodbyes hard for you?

depends on who i’m saying goodbye to

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

coffee

55: how is your hair?

messy and in a bun bc i just woke up lmao

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?

lay in bed for like an hour and text people back and briefly social media bullshit, then i usually immediately shower once i get up

57: do you think two people can last forever?

i don’t know but i hope so

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?

yes

59: green or purple grapes?

purple but i like em both

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

when i see my boyfriend today, he’s been pretty stressed and he definitely needs a hug

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

i’d say with my boyfriend but i’m pretty fuckin comfy in my bed right now so i mean, he can come join me here instead

62: when will be the next time you text someone?

whenever someone texts me back 

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?

a music festival

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.

sleeping

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?

yes i was dating her

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

yes

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?

not yet but i will

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

i have no idea, i was probably just nervous about today

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

yes

70: how many windows are open on your computer?

just this one

71: how many fingers do you have?

10 lmfao???

72: what is your ringtone?

idk whatever the apple default one is

73: how old will you be in 5 months?

still 21

74: where is your mum right now?

she’s in the kitchen making pancakes which i’m about to go hit up

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

we just didn’t work out

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

yes, three days ago though bc we’ve both been busy

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

some of them yes but i cut off a few of em for the better

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

definitely my friend Brendon, we didn’t work out bc we were both queer as fuck but he’s still one of my best friends to this day. i also had a huge crush on this girl that i don’t really talk to anymore bc she definitely gives off that whole “i’m better than you” kind of vibe

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?

yes

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

yep & i get to tonight !! my bf is so cuddly when he’s sleepy

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?

five LMAO but i only tried things out w three of em bc i knew the other two wouldn’t work out. ended up with the one i liked the most to begin with so everything worked out in the longrun

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

my boyfriend lol

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?

yep a whole bunch i’m so excited

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

oof, i don’t think i’d yell at em but i guess my friend Monica, that’s some shit she’d drag me into doing lmfao

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?

he is to an extent and it doesn’t bother me as long as he’s safe. i barely consider weed a drug anyway

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

my bf and i fucked in my car at 3 AM afterwards LMAO

87: who was your last received call from?

my dad

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

i think i would initially agree bc i need that money but i don’t think i’d have the heart when it came down to it

89: what is something you wish you had more of?

money would be nice bc i’m tryna move out

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?

yes

91: do you sleep with your window open?

nah there’s mosquitos outside

92: do you get along with girls?

yes!!!!! i love girls

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

no, i don’t really see much of a point in doing that

94: does sex mean love?

not necessarily but loveless sex isn’t as good

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

not at all

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

no

97: did you sleep alone this week?

yeah except for on monday night and i don’t have to sleep alone tonight either so it’s all g

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

yes

99: do you believe in love at first sight?

nah but i believe in infatuation at first sight sure, i believe you can have a feeling about someone at first sight, like you can tell if they’ll be in your life or not kind of thing

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?

i think my best friend

[seungmiproductionz]

Day 4 Of College

so day 4: the official start of summer classes.

I woke up to erin's alarm which was at abt 7:30 but i ended up going back to sleep until 8 which was when my own alarm went off at. I was then in this half asleep state until I got up at 8:30. i was vibin for a bit on my phone. once 9 hit, i went to take a shower, get dressed, redo my hair, etc. i cut up an apple and eat that on the way to my class

It took about 12 minutes to walk to my class (keep in mind i was walking at a strolling pace, not in a rush at all cuz i had left the class a half hour early). at first i had entered the wrong end of the building so I had to go around and i finally found the right spot. I was still 15 minutes early to class. we all get settled inside the classroom and wait in silence for the professor to arrive.

Class was just syllabus review. nothing extraordinary. I took some notes on things the teacher made note of as important. we were done in less than an hour. i made way back to my dorm

At my dorm, Erin was watching netflix. I was working on getting my textbooks for my classes. i have access to like two of my classes. I want to basically like speedrun my class stuff until I can get into the flow of things because i'd rather be ahead than behind.

so after a while of that, Erin had to leave. i took a break to watch some youtube as I relaxed and ate some lunch. I was on call with hunter for a bit as well. I had to leave call cuz I had my roommate agreement meeting with my RA. Erin came back about 40 something minutes before out meeting.

The meeting was really chill. we stated our rules and things we agree upon (in terms of roommate dynamic). it was funny cuz throughout the agreement, the RA was reading about policies for dorm life and a super big no-no is alcohol. So the RA was talking about how he doesnt think he has to worry about us trying to break policy and committing violations. At the end when he's about to leave, he thought that Erin's sparking water was a hard seltzer drink. His tone instantly shifted into like "i just busted yo ass" mode but then instantly chilled after Erin showed that it was just normal sparkling water. we just laughed it off and the RA was like "its been a lond day, i gotta go lol" and he left. He's pretty cool tho, he reminds me of my brother. they radiate the same energy.

After the meeting, Erin came with me to go get something printed. we walked with Nick cuz we were gonna get dinner after. So at the library, I didn't know that I had to turn on the fucking monitor (cuz normally the computers inside of the library aren't fucking shut off) so I went over to one that was already on. I then had to add money to my student card so I could swipe it to print. it was so time-consuming, like wtf. anyway, I did all the printing stuff which was only 9 cents. we then went to eat some dinner

I had pizza again cuz the lines everywhere else were too long. plus they have good pizza so I'm not even trippin. so, we were looking for a table and this one girl was gonna sit at the table at the same time so we all decided to sit together. Her name is Aliyah and she was super nice. she was an upperclassman but she was so tiny. she's a nutrition major which was really cool (it def reflected in her choice of food which was significantly more balanced than ours). we all talked and got to know each other which was really cool.

We left to go back to our dorms, along with saying our goodbyes to aliyah. I got to work and got some assignments done. I ended up finishing off some fries that I still had hanging around. Got back on call with hunter and caught up with him for a bit.

I am gonna write down all my due dates on my personal calendar/agenda so i have all of that up to date and so that i don't have to pull up canvas everytime i want to see a duedate.

that was it for today. tomorrow I have two classes then I'm done. planning on having lunch w/ erin along with going for a dollar tree run. imma catch on up notes for class and call it a day. I plan on having a very productive day tho so I hope for that to be the case. I wanna work my ass off this week so i can chill for the weekend and maybe even have time to cook some things.

so that's it for today's update

see ya guys !

goodnight <3

[loofahlover]

i randomly found this really old rp between me an @lelepandewritium so i figure...might as well post it.

[9/2/2015 5:06:58 PM] leslye gomez: WELL NO TAKE THAT OUT

[9/2/2015 5:07:02 PM] leslye gomez: SINCE ZORO WILL HAVE ANXIETY ANYWAYS WHILE HE'S ADJUSTING

[9/2/2015 5:07:07 PM] leslye gomez: no depressed Luffy

[9/2/2015 5:07:25 PM] leslye gomez: JUST THOSE THREE YES OKAY GOOD

[9/2/2015 5:07:37 PM] leslye gomez: LUFF SAVES LONG HAIRED ZORO

[9/2/2015 5:07:48 PM] leslye gomez: WHO CUTS HIS HAIR LATER.

[9/2/2015 5:07:58 PM] leslye gomez: LUFFY HELPS HIM ADJUST

[9/2/2015 5:08:09 PM] leslye gomez: AND WHEN THEY'RE OUT ONE DAY ZORO REALLY WANTS TO KISS LUFF

[9/2/2015 5:08:21 PM] leslye gomez: OKAY

[9/2/2015 5:08:23 PM] leslye gomez: YUS???

[9/2/2015 5:08:34 PM] loofahlover: YUS

[9/2/2015 5:08:55 PM] leslye gomez: OKAY YOU START HOW ARE WE EVEN GOING TO DO THIS ALRIGHT THEN

[9/2/2015 5:09:02 PM] leslye gomez: just wing it

[9/2/2015 5:10:37 PM] loofahlover: Luffy first met Zoro on a rainy day: wet, crouched behind a dumpster, and eating a dead rat.

[9/2/2015 5:11:57 PM] leslye gomez: (I'm already so thrown off omg i laughed really hard i'm a terrible person)

[9/2/2015 5:12:48 PM] loofahlover: (XD i was inspired by something i watched today)

[9/2/2015 5:13:59 PM] leslye gomez: (WELL AMRIGHT THEN YOU WATCH WEIRD THINGS OKAY here i go)

[9/2/2015 5:15:25 PM] leslye gomez: Zoro wore ragged clothes, splatters of red here and there that Luffy didn't believe to be the dead rats blood.

[9/2/2015 5:19:33 PM] loofahlover: Luffy dropped his groceries, running to help the man; which became difficult when Zoro started swinging at him with a brick.

[9/2/2015 5:22:41 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy dodged best he could, suddenly more appreciative of the fast reflexes he developed over the years.

[9/2/2015 5:24:52 PM] loofahlover: Eventually Zoro passed out from sheer hunger, and Luffy had to discreetely drag Zoro to his apartment.

[9/2/2015 5:27:45 PM] leslye gomez: Without much else to do, Luffy laid Zoro on his bed and contemplated whether or not to call the police; he'd seen this man somewhere before.

[9/2/2015 5:29:04 PM] loofahlover: But he abandoned the idea in favor of raiding the fridge for his midtime snack.

[9/2/2015 5:29:20 PM] loofahlover: (try not to get too detailed or we'll never finish XD)

[9/2/2015 5:31:22 PM] leslye gomez: (That is true okay XD)

[9/2/2015 5:33:18 PM] leslye gomez: While Luffy was off doing that, Zoro woke up and stared in confusion around him,  beginning to panic since he thought he was being held captive again.

[9/2/2015 5:38:26 PM] loofahlover: -but he escaped, found an opening, bit and scratched his way out, they'd never again, weren't supposed to find him-

[9/2/2015 5:41:17 PM] leslye gomez: It was at this point that Luffy came back from getting his snack, an extra sandwich in hand, and rushed over when he saw Zoro panicking, "Heyhey! You're okay, you passed out so i brought you to my house!"

[9/2/2015 5:42:32 PM] loofahlover: "House?...I...Who are you?" Zoro demanded, shifting backward until his back hit the wall.

[9/2/2015 5:44:47 PM] leslye gomez: "Well, it's an apartment, but same thing." Luffy smiled and held out the sandwich to Zoro. "I'm Monkey D. Luffy! You seem hungry so I made you this sandwich if you want it."

[9/2/2015 5:46:12 PM] loofahlover: Zoro's nose caught a whiff of ham and sharp cheese, and suddenly the sandwich was gone and he was brushing the crumbs off his mouth.

[9/2/2015 5:49:20 PM | Edited 5:53:31 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy only smiled and plopped onto the floor, "Sooo, I'll make you another when that sandwich goes down, but uh, what were you doing eating a rat behind a dumpster?"

[9/2/2015 5:55:41 PM] loofahlover: "I was hungry." Zoro looked around, taking in the messy room, free of videocameras or locks or metal doors; was he safe now?

[9/2/2015 6:07:55 PM] leslye gomez: "Yeah but...well, alright. Do you have anyone you want to call? I have a phone you can use. Oh and, what's your name? Are you hurt? That looks like blood on your shirt." Luffy took a step closer, reaching a hand out to check if Zoro was okay.

[9/2/2015 6:10:07 PM] loofahlover: Zoro flinched at the contact but tried not to gouge the kid's eyes out because, well, he was ok, right? He hadn't done anything bad yet, and he'd even given Zoro a sandwich.

[9/2/2015 6:17:44 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy paused when Zoro flinched, being careful not to physically touch the man as he lifted Zoro's shirt up and examined all the cuts and scrapes on the mans chest, eyes widening at the large scar that crossed from his left shoulder and to his right hip.

[9/2/2015 6:20:39 PM] loofahlover: (I'm wondering if it might be easier to rp, so you wont be restricted to one sentence)

[9/2/2015 6:22:09 PM] leslye gomez: (Hmmmm do you wanna rp???)

[9/2/2015 6:23:00 PM] loofahlover: (SURE WHY NOT)

[9/2/2015 6:23:37 PM] leslye gomez: (That would take the restriction away. XD OKAY THEN SO DO WE GO HOW IT KINDA TURNED OUT??? YOU ZORO AND ME LUFFY??? Or do you wanna be Luffy)

[9/2/2015 6:27:28 PM] loofahlover: (eh, i don't really care)

[9/2/2015 6:27:52 PM] loofahlover: (and lol yeah, i removed the restriction, but this story has already exceeded my expectations XDD)

[9/2/2015 6:28:47 PM] leslye gomez: (It turned more rpish anyways XD OKAY THEN WE'LL JUST STAY HOW IT TURNED OUT. YOUR TURN ZORO. No more restrictiooon)

[9/2/2015 6:30:24 PM] loofahlover: Zoro immediately pulled his shirt down, retreating back into himself as the memories started coming back.

[9/2/2015 6:30:29 PM] loofahlover: (....its short OTL)

[9/2/2015 6:31:18 PM] leslye gomez: (LOL)

[9/2/2015 6:31:24 PM] leslye gomez: (What the)

[9/2/2015 6:31:48 PM] leslye gomez: (Okay sure it was supposed to be a normal LOL but ok)

[9/2/2015 6:36:27 PM] loofahlover: (well i didn't wanna talking about flashbacks again because i just did)

[9/2/2015 6:38:37 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy jerked back from Zoro, apologizing and hovering his hands over Zoro's shoulders. "Um, I think you should shower. You have some scratches there that can get infected and plus a shower might help you feel better. I have some clothes that will kinda fit you."

[9/2/2015 6:39:28 PM] leslye gomez: (Nyeh Zoro will probably have a lot of flashbacks. PTSD too perhaps?)

[9/2/2015 6:41:12 PM] leslye gomez: (With the whole flashbacks, anxiety and nightmares that he'll probably have)

[9/2/2015 6:43:20 PM] loofahlover: Zoro nodded. A shower sounded good, sounded...god, when was the last time he'd showered? Been around water that didn't make him gag? He turned to the kid. Stared him up and down. He didn't want to insult some who saved him, especially when, to be honest, he wasn't in any shape to fight back. But it was pretty obvious. The kid's clothes would never fit him.

[9/2/2015 6:49:10 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy blinked down at the man's obvious skepticism, grinning and letting out a laugh. "Not my clothes! I have...bigger shirts. It should fit you, no worries. Besides, I have sweats that stretch and if your ankles show, well, it's not a big deal right?"

[9/2/2015 6:54:34 PM] loofahlover: Zoro shrugged. He wasn't really in a situation to be picky about his clothes. So that's how he found himself shoved into a cramped bathroom, with the showerhead spraying up to his neck. But it was neck-high heaven. He scrubbed the grime away with his fingers, like ridding himself of the person he used to be and watching it flush down the drain. He reached for a bottle of shampoo, since Luffy had allowed it. His lips twitched the bright label that said: Berrylicious scent. Just like a kid.

[9/2/2015 6:54:43 PM] loofahlover: twitched at*

[9/2/2015 7:03:15 PM] leslye gomez: As soon as Luffy had shoved Zoro into the shower, he darted over to his computer and looked up exactly how to treat the minor wounds Zoro had on his chest. He had a first aid kit, but, he had no idea how to use it. As soon as he was done reading through instructions, he went ahead and pulled out a pot of soup that was shoved into his fridge, smiling at the memory of Sanji stopping by to cook it for him last night. With only mild frustration, Luffy got it heating up on the stove. There! He could eat this with Zoro after he treated him.

[9/2/2015 7:07:52 PM] loofahlover: (omg we're writing too many details again)

[9/2/2015 7:07:59 PM] loofahlover: (sorry I'm gonna speed things up a bit)

[9/2/2015 7:08:38 PM] leslye gomez: (shit yeah okay XD OR WE COULD LET THIS GO ON FOR A FULL WEEK AHAHAHA nah okay)

[9/2/2015 7:08:46 PM] loofahlover: (....THAT TOO)

[9/2/2015 7:08:50 PM] loofahlover: (LES DO IT)

[9/2/2015 7:09:01 PM] loofahlover: (oh you were joking. ok)

[9/2/2015 7:11:09 PM] leslye gomez: (na lets do it)

[9/2/2015 7:11:19 PM] leslye gomez: (sounds fun)

[9/2/2015 7:11:27 PM] leslye gomez: (I've gone a lot longer bruh XD)

[9/2/2015 7:13:54 PM] loofahlover: omg

[9/2/2015 7:13:59 PM] loofahlover: ALRIGHT LETS GO THEN

[9/2/2015 7:14:45 PM] leslye gomez: YUS

[9/2/2015 7:16:32 PM] loofahlover: zoro opened the bathroom door, embarrassed. the shirt was fine, as luffy had said, but the pants only went to above his ankles and were kinda riding up. he followed the scent of chicken and spices back into the kitchen, and his stomach gave another gurgle. and he'd thought the sandwich would be enough.

[9/2/2015 7:16:50 PM] leslye gomez: (LITERALLY THOUGH I HAVE GONE LIKE...THE LONGEST I'VER  EVER SPENT RPING A THING IS MAYBE 5 MONTHS)

[9/2/2015 7:18:08 PM] loofahlover: (HOW)

[9/2/2015 7:18:24 PM] loofahlover: (DIDNT YOUGET TIRED OF IT)

[9/2/2015 7:18:35 PM] leslye gomez: (NO IT WAS GREAT)

[9/2/2015 7:24:59 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy turned when he heard Zoro's footsteps, smiling. "Hey! Okay so I had this soup in my fridge and we can eat that once it's hot. Right now I kinda wanna treat all those scrapes you have on your chest. And uh, well, I've never actually done it before but I have a first aid kit and I looked up how to do it." Luffy pointed him over to the couch in the living room where there was a first aid kit already set up. "Will you let me do it? Or I guess you could do it yourself if you want. Unless you'd rather go to a hospital. We could go."

[9/2/2015 7:28:30 PM] loofahlover: "NO." Zoro started coughing, having been silent for so long. "No hospitals." He didn't need people to know where he was. Didn't need to be found. By the wrong people. He held out an arm with a long gash, signaling Luffy to start treating him since he was so enthusiastic about it. He doubted Luffy could botch it too badly. And if he did? Well, Zoro had survived worse.

[9/2/2015 7:38:45 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy blinked, wandering back into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water. "Here you go." Luffy let Zoro open the bottle before taking his arm and examining it. "Let's see, I have to..." he started mumbling under his breath, reaching into the first aid kit and pulling out anti-septic wipes. He stuck his tongue out as he concentrated on cleaning Zoro's array of wounds, having to get up and look at his computer more than once as he went. Everything went more or less smoothly. Until, of course, he had to wrap the wounds. They came out messy, pieces up the white bandage poking out and some areas being too loose while others were too tight. Luffy grinned at Zoro and rubbed the back of his neck. "Shishishi! Sorry, I'm not very good at this part!"

[9/2/2015 8:01:36 PM] loofahlover: "it's fine," he said, inspecting the messy bandages. he'd been watching luffy try his hardest at first aid, probably for the first time in his life. it was a little endearing. and that smile of luffy's was so warm. honestly, everything about him was. just the way he picked zoro up, basically saved him. gave unconditionally, without any suspicion or any interrogation on just where he came from. it was a little too much to accept.

[9/2/2015 8:08:00 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy nodded, shoving whatever supplies were left into his first aid kit without bothering to organize it and tossing everything else into the trash. "Okay! Well the soup should be done now so come eat--uhhh, right, I still don't know your name." Luffy looked over at Zoro expectantly. He'd like to have something to call him instead of just saying 'hey you'.

[9/2/2015 8:08:57 PM] leslye gomez: (casually sips on mah coffee)

[9/2/2015 8:09:12 PM] loofahlover: (DAMN YOU LELE)

[9/2/2015 8:09:23 PM] leslye gomez: (AHAHAHA)

[9/2/2015 8:12:02 PM] loofahlover: Zoro opens his mouth automatically- and it frightens him. How unguarded he's become around this kid. Doesn't matter what Luffy's done, there's no way Zoro can give his name up to a stranger, not when it can be traced through the system. He's got to leave the city limits before that happens. "Gomez," he lies, silently apologizing to Luffy.

[9/2/2015 8:12:24 PM] leslye gomez: (WOW)

[9/2/2015 8:12:57 PM] loofahlover: (don't mess with mah coffee addiction)

[9/2/2015 8:13:55 PM] leslye gomez: ( GRABS ANOTHER CUP OF COFFEE FROM MY COFFEE MAKER )

[9/2/2015 8:14:59 PM] loofahlover: (HOW DARE YOU)

[9/2/2015 8:21:25 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy beamed, nodding his head. "Okay Gomez! You just sit here--" He patted one of the chairs by his tiny kitchen table "--and I'll get you a bowl of soup!" He darted over towards one of his cupboards and pulled out two large bowls, filling up one with a bigger helping of veggies and chicken and placing that one in front of Zoro along with a chunk of bread he tended to eat with the soups Sanji made him. He also went ahead and pulled out a carton of orange juice from the fridge, remembering that whenever he gave blood they gave him some because it...helped replenish what he lost, or something.

[9/2/2015 8:21:42 PM] leslye gomez: ( TURNS SAID COFFEE INTO ICED COFFEE CUZ IT'S HOT )

[9/2/2015 8:22:40 PM] loofahlover: (TOO HOT)

[9/2/2015 8:22:43 PM] loofahlover: (HOT DAMN)

[9/2/2015 8:23:28 PM | Edited 8:24:28 PM] leslye gomez: (Zoro? Yes he is too hot. and I just remembered the long hair holy shit it's probably hanging over his shoulder right now)

[9/2/2015 8:26:49 PM] loofahlover: zoro nodded his thanks and took a sip of the soup. then another. then started slurping it down like his life depended on it, even though that was no longer the case. between scarfing down the soup, the bread, and the juice, he started coughing from eating too fast, but he wouldn't let that stop him. it had been so long since he'd been full, and he wanted to take advantage of that before. before luffy changed his mind. before zoro was kicked out and he had to fend for himself again.

[9/2/2015 8:35:13 PM] leslye gomez: Luffy was a bit more restrained when he ate. Just barely. He wasn't known for his manners y'know. Luffy slurped up the rest of his soup before looking up at Zoro with a smile. "There's more if you're still hungry. Though I don't think it's very good for you to each so fast or too much if you've been hungry for a long time. Sanji told me that! And you can stay here tonight or for however long you need to. I don't mind at all! S'nice having company."

and they fall in love with each other the end.

[shytiff]

June Small Wins

1 - ecmocard meeting with ppl from aussie to learn to sort out data. Felt better after the meeting cause i didnt feel like doing anything before. Got two season deli box cake from dapur cokelat for nessa. Videocalled w her and ren.

2 - dr eva chatted and gave things to do. I also need to make intern log for dr retha. I just cant bring myself to start. Finally mustered the courage. Im not the type of person for wfh. At least in this house. Finished reading love or hate. I rly felt like shit at night.

3 - started reading positively yours. Had no will to do anything

4 - some more sending spss work for dr eva. weekdays with no “outside work” rly render me useless in functioning. a vegetable

5 - iluni webinar. Lost my attention during electrolyte and fluid stuff. tried to cook ribeye steak lmao (meat from @/fridaymeatshop). Its too chewy and leathery. But its not too welldone. And at least it tastes good. Went to depok by krl. its quite quick since krl arrived just after im at poris and duri. went ahead of silvi devi. satpam on the lobby wont open the access hhhh (i dont have one. i dunno why. mom said she cant find it although we supposedly have 2). but my mood improved once im upstairs. we prepped a bit of deco. conversed in the dark so not to make racheel suspicious. surprisee. had truffle belly chicken cheese for dinner. the cheese was not to cheesy, its more of a gentle taste. mushroom tastes better. we watched sweet and sour from my mobile data. surprisingly, its not that much of data. slept at like 12-1ish

6 - the electric token went out in the morning. we went for a walk in ui. the PLK man across of st ui forbade us from going in. ugh. but it was rly empty. so we went from barel. its empty on the library. there was a dog that walked along with us. talked a bit in front of the lake. went back. i got 2 moon chicken (the basic flavor and not the wings) and spicy jumeokbap. the jumeokbap was nothing like what i had in korea. like the seaweed’s taste doesnt come out that much, and its not that flavorful/savory. the one in korea its good even by itself. went back to jkt nebeng reza silvi with devi. originally planned to go to flavola, but my head kinda hurts, so i finished my moon chicken at the mushola and asked juan to pick me up. still feel healthy and normal after going and staying out, so i started reading a book abt handwriting analysis lmaoo. fell asleep. tried several attempts to figure out my bpjs number and turns out the best there is to respond is BPJS’ twitter. the problem was solved under 5 mins. 

7 - woke up, fell asleep again. Adita told me that i might be interviewed today for the ipd intern but theres no info. Did the registration stuff for my bpjs. Registered for npwp. Watched bts x na pd

8 - off to RSF. its audit day today. hiks to phonecall follow up work. i did not do anything inaco related, i just sat there and did dr dafsah’s excel. dr vera bought me pecel ayam hehe yay. went to como park to meet up with indah regen. tried ricotta pizza from pizza place (33k). the cheese is cheese but not that typical cheesy (?) coupled with mushroom. i had to add sauce to withstand the last bites (still kinda full). tried other’s as well, pesto and mushroom. pesto had the most taste. while waiting for doggo to arrive, we bought gelato (S: 35k). apparently their special flavor was ricotta lmao. tried green tea (bitter, which i like) and peanut butter + caramel, which makes you feel thirsty. watched the doggos from the sidelines. after maghrib we went to 1/15. ordered ice mocha (50k). the chocolate taste stood out more. not gonna order again lol. the staff initially recommended pandan flavor. took grab to gbk station to go home.

9 - rsf. second audit day. i hate it here lmao. im not even paid for my time here. excused myself to eat. turns out mbak Ai bought hokben. i almost forgot thanking her since i felt hungry with a bit of headache. talked a bit with dr retha regarding changes of assistant (since internship is soon). went back and immediately laid down in bed. mom bought pizza so thats what i ate for dinner. fell asleep (i can feel it. my face will get consequences)

10 - cant bring myself to do anything. i reread painter of the night lmao. seungho is a prick. inhun is also a prick (a greedy one). ate arirang bone marrow. put the egg-seasoning mixture to the pan since im not confident enough to just pour boiling water into the bowl. felt surprisingly full. went to sbux. green tea latte as usual. but turns out tumblr 50% promo only applies to sbux member. so i had to pay 40k for my green tea latte. at least i got to feel good from outside vibes. did some follow up for INACO patients. 

11 - went to rm rsf. Took lots of photos of RM. I was given rujak by the rm staff lmaoo so cute. Didnt do any entry afterwards lmao i just laid down

12 - breakfast is paldo jjajangmen and egg. It tasted like soy. Its good but not in a micin way. Its quite fulfilling. Had some of the beef slices by putting it in a buttered pan (is it pan fried? Grilled? Idk). Had banana and brownies together (makes it rly good). Did a bit of clires work. I drank sbux's caramel macchiato but yall my stomach cant handle it lmao. It hurts so much that i even got a headache. So i just laid down in bed

13 - had arirang again loll. Inserted the egg to the pan still, but quicker this time. Its too salty today. Maybe its not enough water. I was eating it while googling how to remove excess sodium. Ate the rest of beef slices (shared with bros ofc) and mixed some with moms fried rice. Ate banana brownies again. Felt soooo full. Did some clires work accompanied by sbux matcha

14 - i felt like shit this morning. Watched leahs vid. Listened to her podcast while having bfast. I walked from moms car to bougenville while still feeling like shit. It slowly gets better afterwards, thankfully. Did some clires and follow up. Went to gandy steak in dr retha's car (which had anesthesiology textbook inside). Tried aus sirloin steak. The bread tasted ok. The garlic bread also ok. The mashed potato was so so (the one in depok was more creamy and smooth). The steak was good, especially the fat part, the sauce so so. Honestly that depok steak had more value for money compared to this, i think. Nebeng dr rara and husband to busway station. Arrived in ar and i immediately showered, such wow 👏👏

15 - today is no rsf day aka self made wfh day. Moms getting vaccinated today. I just lazed. And read kanej fics

16 - off to rsf. Took care of rm stuff. Tried social affair's croffle since i was so curious (60k [10k tip]). The nutella and cinnamon sugar one. Its crunchy and a bit crumbly inside, but not as fragile as croissant. Its quite fulfilling too. But its basically flour batter variations. (thats what mom would say). randomly chatted racheel and we ended up taking a walk and a bit of jog citra 6 (with my sneakon regular shoes). My left tendon was screaming lol. Picked up by juan who surprisingly effortlessly found the address at night.

17 - mbak aan chatted me today to go to rscm. Met prof murdani at pesc and he gave me ppt assigment for 13:30 THAT DAY. Finished it unsatisfyingly (i wish i couldve done more). Lunch was free bebek bkb yay thankyou Prof c: (he even asked what did i ate) took care of legalisir stuff. Went home by tj. Drank matcha w vsoy and i somehow was not sleepy after maghrib. I also changed my desj layout. Maybe it kinda works to separate my spaces

18 - arrived at rscm at 8-ish. sent updated thibbun nabawi ppt. literature search. and then somehow its 14:30. went to SCI w ara wani rasyid. tried bandeng nyonya, oyster, salmon, cumi lada garam (its crazy good among all the good tasting food wtff), shrimp and pocai telor (veggie stuff). dessert was thailand cassava. spent about 190k. went back by TJ. had wudu at pulomas and prayed ashar on the bus lol. i passed out after playing w my phone lmaoo  

19 - spent almost the whole day just sleeping and eating. finally showered in the afternoon. had matcha vsoy latte after maghrib and with enough day sleeping, i did presentation outline. at like 1/2 am i initially planned to sleep but my eyes still have plenty of watts. so i read hold me tight. slept at like 4/5 am

20 - woke up at 9. off to om dokter’s house to ask for healthy letter. we talked almost the entire time im there lol. before u know it mom and dad’s done talking with grandma. om dokter shared some of his experiences in the past. and he said something about making your choice and living with it, and it will all have a meaning even if you might initially agonize about it. girl i was holding back tears. here he was talking about choices, something i never rly talk about at my house. im getting teary just typing this. he talked about it in a way that sounds simple, even though i agonized abt internship choices and sometimes avoid thinking about it. it rly rly was a new experience. i dont rly talk about “choices” with my parents. so hearing how to go through options in life from a person i can relate to regarding this med stuff is. i feel like i would have loved it if i can hear his wisdom earlier. i dont talk with him much if my parents are around bcs they will just meddle and say stuff that wreck my peace. they dont rly know what im going through but can be very opinionated. this peaceful one on one talk rly made me feel relieved and reassured. and i was today years old when i found out he initially wanted to be a psychiatrist. he would have been a great psychiatrist. i feel like we have some understanding thats left unsaid. like he knows how my parents are like. he would probably understand why i dont talk with him much at AR. after what feels super quick, we went back to AR. registered for STR. searched some literature for the topics that Prof is the moderator of. powered by matcha energy

21 - rscm as usual. the Prof did not come. lunch was bread i brought from home. waited for mom to pick me up at kfc so i bought pukis kfc. its like properly made pukis and not the street seller made ones. the chocolate one was good since the toppings generous. felt a bit feverish? like my body felt warm. fell asleep and then suddenly its 6 am in the morning. 

22 - Prof still did not came. had amart’s ayam penyet jamur for lunch. turns out juan bought ayam geprek gendut for dinner. night time is diarrhea time lmaooooo. did not feel sleepy at AR but i skipped shower again lmao,,,,,,,, and then suddenly its morning again

23 - jajan from sisterfield today. tried their carrot cake and kopi susu gula aren. the carrot cake has that carrot texture. its different. the icing was fresh cream cheese that made the cake taste good. the coffee made my stomach ache a bit. it has that subtle chocolatey taste. fell asleep again. third time’s the charm (of 1x/day face wash). woke up at 3 am planning to sleep but i ended up washing my face. turns out atikah was still awake due to AZ fever.

24 - this is the bestest sleep i had in this week (?) had a dream about going to bandung and the car falling to water. forgot my headset today. can finally meet prof Mur. talked abt inaco stuff w agassi. reread komugi meruem lmaoo. felll asleep. somehow had the misfortune of hearing dad’s hurtful words to mom. i want to fall asleep again but its difficuly. i went through stages of pent up anger, some sort of selfishness (i will go out from jakarta for internship), amazement to mom, and... (continue 2moro)

25 - lunch was dori rice from kanprim thanks to rasyid’s jastip. watched bts’ butter norebang lolll :(((. arrived at AR the fastest ive been. mom came to me right before maghrib and  summed some stuff dad said yesterday. she handled it in a trivial way. like she was unaffected. and that somehow helped me too. stuck around in the dining room for a while after maghrib. talked about internship w mom. i left some chance for dad to yap yap abt whatever related to internship (thankfully songs were full volume through my wireless headset) while im inhaling through my matcha latte. i wont write what he said bcs its lowkey super embarrassing. thank the gods for wireless speakers. 

26 - did not do anything productive today. Had arirang salted egg for bfast (wont repurchase). Had the meat cubes i bought online and its rly good. Ran with racil at citra 6. The tendon in my left feet hurt lol. Gmeet with ara et al to discuss internship review

27 - lazed. Wanted to start my day early but couldnt bring myself to. Binge watched twoset videos. Did clires stuff. 1 more RM to wait from IRMIK. No gastro intern work this weekend aaaa im starting to panic.

28 - juan came along otw to rscm. Talked about iship otw. brought tons of stuff to eat, including matcha latte, but i was unable to finish it lol. Discussed research budgeting w Prof. Didnt do anything in home. Starting to panic with my ppt progress.

29 - discussed budgeting revision. Prof thought abt little details i didnt even consider. Didnt do anything while at ar anjengggg

30 - prof did not come to dept today. Listemed to agassi rambling abt intern stuff. Immediately opened my laptop in ar. Watched two set. Played marapets lmaooo i finally managed to gather 3 au for shop pricer. But still didnot wash my face 👁️👄🤦‍♀️ maybe bcs i hate doing what people tells me to do (re: shower due to covid scare). Had a nightmare abt being in a car ride alone w dad and it was rly rly awkward