#WarrTime

[st0rmyskies]

LMTCOY Update

This chapter is WarrWildTime and it's as unpredictable and incendiary as you'd expect.

Please enjoy, and happy holidays.

[okbillie]

Marry Krit in Warrtime（線上のメリー・クリと・・・ないし劣情期のFather Christmasに寄せた沈魂歌）

[st0rmyskies]

At Your Own Risk

A little quickie Warrtime sickfic suggested by a new anon, nothing explicit to be had here. I had some time this afternoon so I decided to just bang it out quick.

1300 words, not long enough to post as a chapter imo. Under the cut for length.

It was a rare morning these days that Time should wake up in bed alone. Often he woke with a body plastered right against him, as was Wild’s habit, but not every bed-partner of his was a cuddler. Time turned and sighed and stretched his arm out as he woke, reaching and searching until he met nothing but the far end of the bed. 

Sitting up, Time saw that the other end of the bed was undisturbed, the pillows untouched and the sheets pulled askew only by his own movement in the night.

Odd. 

As he descended the stairs to get ready for his morning run, Time didn’t surreptitiously glance down the second floor hallway. He definitely didn’t take stock of which of the boys’ doors were open or closed, and he certainly didn’t make special note that Warriors’s was among those still shut. He didn’t glance at it again on his way back up the stairs a bit later, nor did he descend from the third floor after his shower to find that now Warriors’s was the only door unopened.

“Good morning, Sir!”

“Hello, Wild.” Time held out one arm to welcome Wild’s morning hug. He continued to pour his coffee with the other hand. “Are we missing someone this morning?”

“Oh, Wars is sick.” Wild took an extra moment to squeeze Time firmly about his waist before letting go. “He was complaining about a headache yesterday and was up sneezing all night.” 

Time hummed a note of concern, watching as Wild returned to the stove and took up a spatula. “Has he been down for breakfast yet?”

“N’ah, he’s real weird about being sick.” One, two, three, four pancakes were flipped faster than Time’s eye could track. “He holes up in his room usually and does nothing but sleep. He only comes out if he has to, and he yells if we knock… Hey, order up!”

From the living room came the grunt of one of the boys getting up from the couch. Time stood frowning with arms half-folded as he took his first swig of coffee. Wild watched him but said nothing, stacking four perfectly-browned pancakes onto Legend’s waiting plate. When Time turned toward the cabinet above the coffee station, Wild tilted his head. 

��Do you know how he takes his tea, Wild?”

Wild positively brightened. “Yeah I do!!”

Across the kitchen island, Legend rolled his eyes. 

Several minutes and one unnecessary pep-talk from Wild later, Time crept up the stairs with all the stealth he had in him. One of the boys was playing music on their phone while they showered, but otherwise the second floor was dead silent. Warriors’s door was still shut. 

“Make sure you knock,” Wild had warned him. 

Time lifted his hand to the door and announced his presence with three soft taps. 

“If he yells, it’s probably safer to try again later. If he doesn’t, you can give it a shot!”

From behind the door came a muffled, “Please, just leave me to die.”

“Even if he doesn’t yell, though, he might throw things if you try to come in, so just be careful.”

Pushing forward, Time laid his hand on the doorknob. “I’m coming in,” he announced.

Warriors’s bedroom was as small as all the others. He kept his bed pushed up against the wall and his bureau at the foot of it. Next to the bureau was a desk that doubled as his vanity, and the curtains had been drawn over the window above it. Immediately near the door was a rack for hangable clothing—Warriors complained frequently about the lack of closet space on the second floor—and Time had to step past it in order to view the bed. 

Rustling about beneath the covers like a crocodile surfacing in a swamp, Warriors glared out from beneath a mountain of blankets. The warning in his eyes was somewhat softened by his pathetic state. His nose and eyes were red, his congestion audible. A satin eye pillow Time had never seen before was pushed up over his forehead. Used tissues littered the floor and the table next to the bed, one or two of them forgotten atop the comforter. 

“Your tea,” Time announced, lowering the little silver tray he carried to demonstrate his offering, his litmus test. 

Warriors’s eyes narrowed as he lifted the covers to hide the lower half of his face. Although he might be incapacitated by his cold, nothing would defang him. “Is there milk?”

“In the carafe. It’s still got a chill,” Time admitted, “but it’s fresh.”

“Sugar?”

“Two cubes. I brought extra,” there was the barest hint of pity in Time’s eye, “I wasn’t sure how well you can taste.” 

Under normal circumstances, Warriors might have snarled something crude in reply. But something caught in his throat as he inhaled, sending him into a coughing fit. While he was distracted Time took the opportunity to approach, brushing some tissues off the corner of the bedside table so he could set down the tray. 

Once his cough had settled, Warriors flopped back onto his pillows. He looked miserable. “You shouldn’t be in here. I’m sure I’m contagious.”

“I’ll have to take my chances.” Time turned the handle of the teacup in the direction of the bed before taking a step back. “I can’t have you dying in my house, Warriors, I can’t afford yet another investigation.”

“Of course,” Warriors rolled his eyes as he pushed himself to sit up, allowing the blankets to fall in disarray around him. “I’ll try to not inconvenience you any more than I already have.”

On those nights spent on the third floor, Warriors typically slept in matching pajama sets, things made from soft fabrics and with delicate buttons. In the privacy of his own room, though, the dress code was more loose. Time thought it was a bit funny to see him in a t-shirt and cotton sleep pants. It was hard to recall a time when he’d seen Warriors dressed so casual. 

Once his tea was sufficiently doctored Warriors took a discerning sip. He glanced up at Time as he did, but the old man was smart enough to be looking away by that point. Hm, the tea was fine. “Why are you still standing here?” Wars snapped before taking his next sip. 

“To make sure that your tea meets your standards,” Time replied patiently, “and to see if you have any requests for lunch before I go searching for cans of soup.”

Warriors visibly winced at that, setting his teacup back on the tray. “Goddess above, not canned soup. Do you know how much sodium is in there?” He set about rearranging his pillows so he could sit up against the headboard. “My face is puffy enough as it is.”

“How callous of me.” Time couldn’t hide the gentle tease in his tone as he reached to help Warriors arrange his blankets. “I’ll enlist Wild’s help, then. Would you like me to bring back a movie when I return?”

Warriors’s shoulders stiffened as Time touched his blankets. Normally he’d shoo away the help, but Time knew how having a wrinkled top sheet could drive him insane. Something about the gesture softened the sharp edge in him, though, and by the time the old man glanced up at him again—

Warriors was openly pouting. 

Oh, he must feel very bad.

“Yes,” he said quietly, tucking the blankets up to his chest, “I’d like that.”

The reply was rewarded with a rare smile and a pat on his thigh. “You enjoy your tea,” Time said as he turned away, “I won’t be more than a—”

“Hey.”

Time stopped in the doorway, leaning back into the room to meet Warriors’s narrowed eyes. 

“If you tell anyone,” Warriors sniffled, “I’ll make your life a living hell.”

“That’s fine,” Time said, “I expect it once you’re feeling better.”

The empty tissue box flung in Time’s direction bounced harmlessly off of the wall as he vanished.

[st0rmyskies]

who is your personal favorite pairing/couple out of all of st0rmyverse fics or do you have a ranking of favorites

My favorite pairing really depends on the day, honestly. I go to one or another when I'm really craving writing love and sex from a certain angle.

In LMTCOY/HSH...

WarrTime is my favorite toxic relationship turning legit. In the beginning they were using one another as a self-flagellation of sorts. Now, they've seen exactly what's wrong with the other and, shockingly, both of them have independently decided "I can fix him." The more I explore their relationship in (unpublished) work, they've become more of a stable, mature same-sex relationship, although the sex is still incendiary.

WildTime is always my go-to for "I want to rot my teeth out with fluff." Every time they have sex is like the first time, and Wild keeps Time undeniably young.

Twark is my "baby gay with infallible support from an unlikely source" pairing. Twi is curious and exploratory and is going to make some mistakes, and Dark is both going to enable him and going to be there to help catch him when he stumbles. I also just reaaaally really love writing Dark, no matter the AU.

Legend/Hyrule is good for exploring the comfort of commitment to another person, especially when it comes to exploring new and/or unlikely kinks.

Four/Shadow are honestly a pairing that is quietly dear to my heart. Shadow knows more about Four's past than anyone else, and he is a supportive rock who keeps Four's needs and boundaries at the forefront of their relationship. It might not seem like Shadow gets a lot back in return for this at first glance but, well, love is patient.

Champlight, once I really get going writing them, also goes through a sweet arc of mutual pining and questioning and considering one another from across a room crowded with friends and loved ones who are just like "Get ON WITH IT already!!!"

In the omegaverse series...

I literally cannot get enough of Sky/Time. I CANNOT. Sky is going through a period of intense rehabilitation and healing and learning to trust again, and who better than Time to gently guide him through it? Similarly...

Sky and Wild are such opposites in this AU that, naturally, they're going to attract. Wild might seem promiscuous and carefree, but his feelings toward Sky are stronger than he lets on. We'll see more of this in later chapters and stories.

And in this AU, Warrlight + Wild is probably my #1 for pairings where shit's about to get INTERESTING. And not only because Warriors and Twilight are about to turn hard and fast the wrong way down a one-way street.

And, of course, the poly boys Sky, Twi, and Warriors (+ Sun) are the best for gentle exploration and unconditional love. Their relationship, at its core, is so innocent and wholehearted that it's hard not to adore them. They're another one I turn to for tooth-rotting fluff.

[st0rmyskies]

I offer: Warriors, drunk and just a little sleepy, coming home from a night out with the boys and deciding that fuck it, he’s gonna stay on the third floor, and Time gets to observe his evening routine with him drunkenly humming and dancing in the bathroom as he washes up.

Giving gentle forehead smooches, fren 🐹

Time grumbles the first time this happens and scowls into his book until Wars is in bed and nodding off.

Later, if Wars DOESN’T do his drunken bathroom routine Time assumes Wars got into some sort of trouble and has to check on him.

[st0rmyskies]

Stormy Fic Recs - LMTCOY Warrtime

Our most beloved @rodent-anon gives us an explicit little glimpse into what a weekend at the infamous cabin might look like for Time and Warriors. Mind the tags! From the summary:

Wars has somehow managed to convince Time that they should spend a weekend at what the majority of the townhouse has now dubbed The Sex Cabin. This is the first of what will be many such weekends for the lovely couple, but Time bought Wars a special gift to make this inaugural trip something memorable.

[st0rmyskies]

Miniscrew don't you DARE apologize for this masterpiece. Not only have I been Cured, I have also been compromised.

The leather and elastic keeping Warriors suspended midair creaks but stays strong when he pulls at them, testing their strength. He rocks back and forth in the swing, held firmly by sturdy bindings hanging from the ceiling of Time’s bedroom.

AKA That sex swing fic.

————

lmao @st0rmyskies it’s the sex swing fic you jokingly requested. I hope it makes you feel even slightly better ✌️

[st0rmyskies]

WarrTime anon back with more questions. (I don’t know if it’s annoying to ask several questions in one ask or not I’m not really familiar with the whole tumblr thing but now that I’ve found you on tumblr I’ve gotten a bit excited that I can just ASK you questions haha. If you’d prefer I not ask so many things at one let me know!)

1. In LMTCOY Ch. 20, is the reason Warriors freaks out more so because he wasn’t able to handle the idea that he could genuinely have something with Time that lasts and that Time really does want him and care about him and love him for more than just his body, or is Time being gentle with him just something he’ll never be able to handle because he’s not used to it/doesn’t like it? Would he ever let Time try treating him gently like that again and being sweet to him, or is that something that would take a while to work up to?

2. In Ch. 36, is Time genuinely more worried for Warriors’s safety than he is jealous like he concludes in his head, or does part of him kind of selfishly wish he could have Warriors to himself?

3. What is their relationship technically? (In that same Ch. 36 Warriors refers to it as a “whatever this is”, but what is it at this point?)

And last one, haha: 4. At this point in their whole mess of what they have going on, if Warriors was sick and missed one of his typically scheduled days with Time, would Time go looking for him and take care of him? Would Warriors even let him? (I have been ill myself was reading LMTCOY again to make myself feel less miserable and then I started thinking about these two haha. I can only imagine Warriors with a common cold. He probably would either be overly responsible about it or whine like he’s dying)

Thanks for answering all my other questions! I really love the thought you put into these two characters, they’re so wonderful to read about. I hope you are well

Hello!! You are more than welcome to ask as many questions as often as you'd like, I never mind. Shorter asks get answered more quickly, as I can address them on mobile. If I'm planning on writing an essay, there's going to be a delay in getting answers. But if you like longer answers, then maybe it doesn't matter.

In The Most Luxurious Indulgence, Warriors has several things working against him in his and Time's sex scene. Wars has been thrown of his game several times during this little vacation, between being given an expensive pair of diamond studs (which carry a significant meaning in Hylian culture, there's a post on that somewhere around here) and not getting plowed the night before when he was inebriated (his relationship with Time has been completely carnal thus far, so he takes this as a mixed signal that Time is losing interest in him), and it all kind of comes to a head in that scene. Some part of Wars feels like he 'owes' this to Time because he's been brought on this lavish vacation on the man's dime, given gifts and so on. And Wars is also relieved that Time is not showing disinterest, rather quite the opposite.

It starts out poorly because Warriors doesn't like being on the receiving end of oral, but he doesn't speak up for himself--again, thinking he owes this to Time. Which is a similar line of thinking Warriors pushed himself down when he was with Volga. That starts to bring up all sorts of complicated feelings such that by the time Warriors does express that he needs to tap out, it's a question of how much of his panic attack stemmed from what was going on between him and Time and how much of it was just him being in his own head.

Warriors does go on to have a relatively gentle coupling with Time, at least for them. I do think that in the future Wars will acquiesce to less violent sex, although the episodes will be few and far between.

In You're Jealous, Time is ABSOLUTELY being a jealous beef and wanting Wars all to himself. There is a legitimate concern for his safety, maybe, but most of Time's motivation here is that he doesn't like Warriors going to others for the things that Time can provide. It brings up feelings of inadequacy just as much as it does concerns for safety.

Neither of them is willing to pin down what they have with any sort of official designation, at least not verbally. The fact that Time gave !Warriors a pair of diamond stud earrings sends a pretty clear message of, "I have a serious interest in you as my partner." It's one step up from a promise ring in Hylian culture, sometimes called a "half-hitch" or halfway to being engaged to be married. For some, it's an incredibly serious statement to make. For others--think your glitzed-out Hollywood starlet-types--it's just another jewel on their person, casually wearing another man's devotion like it's merely a fashion accessory.

If you were to approach them walking down the street with a camera and a microphone and ask them what they are to one another, it would spark a days-long fight between Time and Wars that would likely never get truly resolved.

And for your last question, actually, I might treat that as a prompt for a future LMTCOY chapter. I'm sorry to hear you've been unwell lately and hope you're on the mend! And thank you much for the kind words.

[st0rmyskies]

WarrTime wedding talk??? 👀 Very curious about that one, and several others. I love how you write them so much haha I was rereading LMTCOY again last night because I missed them and their whole dynamic

I also had another question haha sorry. In LMTCOY CH. 12 Warriors says to the Fierce Deity “You’ll have to fuck me until I’m unconscious before I beg for anything from you.” Has he ever actually passed out because he got so overwhelmed in a positive way? Is that something he would be willing to let happen? (With Time/The Fierce Deity knowing that is the goal of course. I can’t imagine he would let Warriors actually pass out if that wasn’t something they’d talked about)

WarrTime anon again

No need to apologize for being interested in some of my favorite characters to write.

While Warriors hasn't yet lost consciousness during the act for fun reasons, it would definitely need to be a pre-negotiated thing. And I think that Time/the Deity is the only person with whom he would be willing to let such a thing happen. He trusts Time implicitly--from the beginning in the very first chapter, Time has clearly not been interested in hurting him, even when Wars is wildly annoying--and if he'd make himself that vulnerable to anyone, it would be Time.

If they hadn't arranged such a thing beforehand, I imagine Time would find that sort of thing to be incredibly triggering. The very last thing he wants to do it to hurt someone he cares about. Warriors is the only partner with whom he lets himself lose control, because Wars has proven that even more than wanting it, he can take it. But if that loss of control ever resulted in Warriors actually getting hurt, Time would be looking at a long, hard drop afterward.

[st0rmyskies]

Hi! Warrtime anon again but with a question this time haha. I know in the LMTCOY chapter where they go to Gerudo Town Warriors gets overwhelmed because Time is being so gentle with him, but has his trauma with Volga ever caused him to get overwhelmed or dissociate in a way that would’ve caused them to stop after asking Time/Fierce Deity to be rough with him? If so how would Time have reacted? Because it definitely wasn’t his intention to cause hurt but at some point Warriors got overwhelmed and couldn’t/wouldn’t express that. Sorry if this is a weird question or something haha I just really love how you write them and how Time slowly comes to love Warriors and cares for him and is gentle with him without treating him like glass

Welcome back, WarrTime anon.

There are certain acts that would trigger some spicy memories in Warriors. A long time ago I actually drafted a wax play chapter for them and ended up shelving it once I realized how unpleasant temperature play could be for Wars. I didn't feel ready at the time to handle how that sort of thing played out, or maybe it just wasn't the right time to throw something like that at them in LMTCOY. But maybe that time is coming.

I think that Time's reaction would depend on the scene and on the act they're engaged in. In something like wax play I imagine Time would be firmly in control of himself, understanding the level of attention that needs to be involved to ensure everyone's safety. Time also doesn't tolerate submissive dissociation in the midst of sex. Submission is more pleasing when it's earned--or, as often it is in Warriors's case, taken by force. War's tells are subtle but that man watches him like a hawk, so I imagine Time would pick up on the shift immediately and set their props aside to bring Warriors back and pivot or abandon the scene as necessary.

If Time was deep in the Deity mindset, though, his reaction is likely to be quite different. Time himself teeters on the razor's edge of self-loathing whenever he assumes the role of the Deity. It's a high-risk-high-reward situation for him. Pleasure is heightened when he can throw caution to the wind and just let himself go for it, but if something were to go wrong in the midst of things, the dom drop can hit hard and make him miserable for hours--if not days--on end.

[st0rmyskies]

Did you know that LMTCOY just passed its 3-year anniversary?

Let's celebrate with a special guest star!

[st0rmyskies]

Count Darkula Warrtime anyone?

Our dearest @rodent-anon brings us a spicy lil side-story in the Blood Lust AU, in which Time and Warriors have just as incendiary a relationship as they normally do, except now the stakes are a bit higher...

[st0rmyskies]

DIRECTOR'S CUT REQUEST OPTION 1:

What is going through Time's head in LMTCOY Chapter 20 (The Most Luxurious Indulgence) in the very tense moments between Wars' level 2 panic attack and returning from the bathroom? Where he's sitting on the edge of the bed like 👁️👄👁️

"" OPTION 2:

WHAT'S GOING THROUGH WILD'S HEAD WHEN WARS' ASKS HIM TO STAAAAYYYYYYY AFTER HIS NO GOOD VERY BAD NIGHT AT THE CLUB WITH VOLGAAAAA 🥺

Oh, I can answer both...

In LMTCOY chapter 20, Time and Warriors have a little more feelings than sex in their hotel room encounter in Gerudo Town. Time can tell as they're getting started with the Main Event that Warriors isn't himself, and when he asks if 'this is alright'--and doesn't get an answer--he stops, leaning off of him a little bit, and reiterating, "Are you alright?"

As hard as it is, Time lets Wars go when he stumbles off to the bathroom for a moment alone. At first he's waiting to hear Warriors be sick, given how bad he looked in the moment. Once the tap turns off, it's a rush of okay he must be okay in there and where the hell is my underwear and cold, sinking dread, thinking that Wars is going to come out (verbally) swinging.

It's a relief when Wars reemerges no longer in distress, somewhat dressed, and his request to turn out the lights is so simple that Time has to stop himself from tripping over his own feet to comply. He's learned that Warriors doesn't benefit from touch as comfort so he will do anything he can to make up for that.

In LMTCOY chapter 13, from the moment the boys come to Warriors's rescue, Wild is there for him. He might not be able to fight or to pick a lock, but he's the one to help Warriors dress and regain some of his lost dignity, to hold his hand and keep him steady while all the chaos is going on around them. He's the one to help Wars up to the third floor, to physically get him into the shower, and to make him some tea.

Knowing how private Warriors is about himself and his past, Wild was quietly elated to be asked to stay with them that night. He specifically curled around Wars, not Time, and gave them their privacy come morning. I think that Wild was harboring some guilt over the situation, too--admitting to Time and they didn't go looking for Wars right away--and so Warriors's request was a bit of an absolution as well.

[st0rmyskies]

Emergency Commissions - Closed!!

Thank you everyone for the help! Commissions slots are all filled, tips are still always welcome. I will advise if any additional slots open up in the next few weeks.

So if you’ve been playing along at home, you may know that I returned from vacation this week to find that my central air conditioning unit died. Our house sustained some damage from the system overheating. Repairs/replacement are going to run in the five-figure range and they can’t wait, since July in my area of the world means brutal heat. 

So in the spirit of “well fuck me I guess,” I’ll be opening a limited number of emergency writing commissions slots, not to exceed eight depending on the scope of each work and the amount of interest I receive. 

Be advised that this is a one-time thing. I don’t intend to reopen commissions after this financial burden passes.

The Basics

I write for the LoZ and LU fandoms and will accept commissions for either in-universe writing or one of my own AUs (Townhouse AU, Count Darkula, the omegaverse series, etc.).

I will write crack, fluff, angst, spice, horror, murder, whatever. Choose your own adventure! 

If you’re interested in something sweet or spicy, I’ll write Linkshipping, Zelink, MidZel, GanLink, lesser-known characters, you name it I don’t care. I’m a multishipper at heart.

Characters can be cis, trans, unspecified, doesn’t matter to me.

I’m always happy to try on new spicy themes, even if it’s not something I’ve written before. This is a judgement-free zone, even if I end up saying “no thanks.” Seriously, just run it by me. I also have a handful of existing WIP options in the list below if you need any inspiration.

You get to choose whether this is a work to be published or if you’d rather keep it for your own private enjoyment. No price difference between the two options, I don’t care.

Not sure what you’d request? If you want, you can sponsor an active WIP. This is literally more bang for your buck, since I’m not going to charge you for the words I’ve already written. Once you snag a commission slot and leave your deposit, I can send you a sample of one or two works if you’re having a hard time choosing between options. Think of it like trying different flavors at an ice cream bar. An extensive list of my active WIPs appears in my pinned post. If sponsoring an active WIP for an ongoing series like HSH or LMTCOY, that work will be published.

Do you have an unfinished WIP of your own that you’d like to see finished but don’t have the time, energy, etc.? Throw it my way and we’ll see what we can do together! Once again, you are only charged for the words I put into the work in these cases, not the total word count. I will only be taking on up to two of these types of commissions.

The Nitty-Gritty

Pricing is 2 cents per word. I'm flexible with regards to word counts but I suggest the following tiers:

500 words - $10

1000 words - $20

2000 words - $40

2500 words - $50

A deposit will be required to lock in your commission slot on a first-come first-served basis. Deposits will vary based on the tier you select with any remaining balance due at delivery, if applicable. If I end up going over a bit and wrote 525 words for a 500-word slot, oh well, bank error in your favor.

Deadlines are TBD between myself and the commissioner depending on the scope of the work and the number of responses I get. Could be anywhere from a few weeks to a couple months. I don’t see myself letting commissions drag on past 3 months. 

Feel ready to take the plunge with me? You can send me a DM preferably via discord (st0rmyskies) but also through tumblr and we’ll get to work!

The Fine Print

You must be over the age of 18 to commission me.

Commissions are not to exceed 2500 words unless we negotiate otherwise. WIPs listed at larger word counts excluded from this rule.

If sponsoring an active WIP or work in an ongoing series, I may already have a plot and end goal for the story, so specific requests (e.g. “I want Twark to break up.”) may not be honored. I can do a one-shot of such scenarios, though, even if they’re outside canon plans.

I will not write for someone else’s series (e.g. “Can you continue this story from [author] that’s been abandoned?”).

No original characters.

I reserve the right to decline any request for any reason.

Can’t commission, but want to help?

You can leave me a tip via Venmo or PayPal, or signal boost on tumblr, discord, wherever. We need all the help we can get! 

Thanks so much for reading this far, friend. Any help with spreading the word is appreciated. 

- St0rmy

[st0rmyskies]

Bits and Pieces by RodentAnon

Our beloved @rodent-anon had started a collection of drabbles and little treats that I am already in love with. Her first chapter captures the mutual affection and annoyance that is WarrTime so, so well.

What I wouldn’t give to read their text chain from start to finish.

[st0rmyskies]

“Wars, come with us to the mall, we’re all gonna take a picture with Santa. It’ll be funny. We even convinced Champion to come along for the ride.”

“…You don’t believe in Santa…And neither do I.”

“Bitch. And? I thought you liked sitting in an old man’s lap—“

.