#Wanna sleep but I gotta stay up and call the doctors and I won't be able to do so without it

[bizzyboyfriends]

They got something more important to get too.

[pure-garbage]

Corrin Strikes! The Mark That Never Fades

Chapter Warnings: Violence

By the time the ship docked at a harbor safe enough for Lana to consider disembarking, she had abandoned any thought of parting with the straw hats. Luffy charmed her, Sanji swooned over her, Usopp proved even more hilarious than his captain. Nami and Zoro were still less than warm at times, but Lana didn't mind. Every day she spent free to do as she pleased was a day she couldn't find cause to complain.

For the first time, Lana realized she'd spent the last five years thinking of nothing past escaping Corrin. She didn't want to go back home. She wasn't ready to face the family she'd run away from and even if she was, the journey back was hardly an easy one. She had absolutely no idea what she wanted her newly secured future to look like. When she considered the manifold obstacles confronting her, it felt like the easiest path forward was also the best.

'You'll always be a criminal now, no matter what you do. May as well commit to it.'

The advice she'd grudgingly accepted from Zoro turned out to be, perhaps, the most influential thing anyone had ever told her.

"Well, guess this is good-bye."

Luffy's grin as they moored at the small port was exactly what Lana had come to expect from him.

"Actually, I decided to take you up on your offer. Assuming it still stands."

"Yeah? You're gonna join my crew?"

"Yeah. I'll join."

"Alriiiight!" Luffy bellowed, pumping a fist into the air and drawing the attention of the rest of the crew. "Sanji! Make sure you pick up plenty of meat in town! We've gotta have a feast tonight, okay?"

"You always find a reason to make every meal a feast," Sanji tsked. "Nami's given me a strict budget for this supply run and I'll honor her request at any cost."

"Food! Meat, meat meat!"

Luffy launched himself off the ship, chanting, closely followed by the others. Nami clapped Lana's shoulder in passing, affording her a smile that seemed warmer than any Lana had gotten from her up to that point.

"Welcome to the crew," Nami told her. "Just in time too... someone needs to watch the ship while the rest of us resupply."

"Huh? Hey, I wanna come too! What about Zoro? He's still here!" Lana protested.

"Yeah, him and his half-sliced off feet," Nami chortled with a roll of her eyes.

"But he's fine! Look, he's been working out for four hours!"

Lana pointed while Zoro ignored them and kept counting.

"... 1,372, 1,373, 1,374..."

"Hold down the fort, new kid!" Nami called back as she ran after the others.

Zoro finished his insane workout and dropped onto the deck with a soft groan and a thud that was way quieter than it should have been. Despite her annoyance at being left behind, Lana was still impressed with the control he demonstrated over his body.

Still, she crossed her arms over her chest, frowning as Zoro caught his breath.

"Is all this moving around really a good idea?" she asked. Admittedly, she was lashing out more with annoyance than worry for her newly acquired crew-mate.

"What, worried your patch job isn't up to the task?" Zoro challenged with a grin.

Lana glanced down and gulped. The silk stitches around both his ankles were intact, but still...

"I'm not a doctor," she reminded him. "They're not sutures, just stitching. They're meant to mend cloth, not flesh."

Lana felt the need to say it as a disclaimer in case the make-shift treatment didn't work as intended, but Zoro mistook her words for concern. He decided to stop teasing her.

"I'm staying off my feet," he assured her. "I won't break the stitches."

Lana puffed a little, blowing a stray lock of hair back up into it's proper place. It was true. She'd watched him exercising and he'd done an entire routine using only his arms.

"You'd better not break them," she warned. "Sewing your mangled ankles up was the grossest thing I've ever had to do, and if you think I'm doing it again, you're... you're... you're sleeping."

Zoro's only retort was a soft, gurgling snore.

Lana settled down on deck.

"Guess... I could practice if I wanted," she mused.

Lana only had one weapon, but she was in the habit of keeping it concealed. She'd swiped it nearly six months ago and hidden it well in her boot to keep Corrin from discovering it.

'It's a wonder the Baroque Works agents didn't find it. These are the best boots I've ever owned.'

She tugged the knife free. It was a balisong style blade, the very same she'd famously managed to stick a naval captain with. At the time she'd stolen it, she'd watched the vendor demonstrating the various ways you could flip it open and shut. She'd been dazzled by the display, but under Corrin's thumb, never dared try her hand at the tricks for fear that he would take away her prize.

"Alright, now..."

She swung it loosely, but still fumbled the opening and smacked her own wrist with the weighted handle.

"Ow..."

Lana lost track of time as she wrestled with the knife and her own clumsiness. Her concentration as so complete that she inadvertently blocked out the world. Every iota of her focus was invested in bending the weapon to her will.

"OW!"

A slip-up cost her some blood as the blade bit into her fingers.

"What a dangerous toy you've picked up, Avariya."

Lana's blood ran cold. Corrin's voice was right below her at her back. She turned, springing to her feet. Her old oppressor stood on the deck of a sloop, rocking gently on the waves in the shadow of the Merry.

"Corrin! How did you-"

"Escape? Well, it's a wonderful story, Avariya dear," Corrin grinned. "I'll be sure to tell it to you... after you've come with me!"

Corrin wasn't alone on the small boat, but the five men with him weren't familiar to Lana. He wasn't traveling with his usual crew.

'What happened to all the others? Are they dead? Serves them right, I hope they are!'

Corrin took a leap, launching himself onto the deck of the Merry with a resonant thud. Lana stumbled back, horror washing over her. This was a nightmare.

The rest of the men followed Corrin while he appraised his new surroundings.

"What a nice little ship," he chuckled. "Surely it can't be yours, can it?"

The savage light in his eyes alone was enough to make Lana tremble. The memory of the retribution he'd promised her for another attempt at escape...

'He won't take me. I'll die before I go with him again!'

Lana locked the knife open with both hands. All she could do was fight.

"No matter. Now, you're coming with me, Avariya!" Corrin growled. "Drop that little toy and come quietly... maybe I'll shorten the beating you're due, just by a little, if you don't give me much trouble now."

Corrin's men spread out to surround her. Lana gripped the knife like a lifeline, planted her feet firmly on the deck. With all her attention directed at her foes, she failed to notice Zoro waking. He yawned, stretched and sat up, rising cross-legged as he surveyed the scene.

"I'm not coming with you, Corrin!" Lana scowled. She was visibly shaking, but she still stood fast. Her determination was apparent to Zoro at a glance. "There's nothing you can do to make me!"

"Come on, lockbreaker!" Corrin sneered. "We've been through this enough times already! You know the outcome! Just give it up before you earn yourself an even worse beating than you already have!"

He reached for her and she slashed at him, sending him recoiling with a snarl. Zoro smirked.

"Hey Lana!" he called. "Friends of yours? You should have checked with the captain before you invited them aboard."

"The captain, eh? That you?" Corrin asked, turning his attention to Zoro.

"Nope."

"Hmph. That's too bad. If you were, I could have struck a bargain with you for Avariya."

Lana sliced a grasping hand, sending one of Corrin's hired men scrambling back cursing.

"Sorry to burst your bubble," Zoro informed him, "But even if our captain was here, there's no way in hell he'd ever hand her over to you."

"You're confident you can speak on his behalf?"

Corrin's men were closing in on Lana. Her short, erratic attacks kept them at bay, but Zoro could tell that whatever meager training she had wouldn't be enough to save her. It was only a matter of time before her resolve, firm as it was, would be overcome.

"I am," Zoro announced. "And I'll only say this once: Get off our ship."

Corrin laughed and drew his cutlass.

"Take the lockbreaker, boys. I'll deal with her new friend."

The order given, Corrin's men descended on Lana all at once.

"Hey Lana! Don't let them overwhelm you," Zoro called helpfully, not moving from his seat on the deck. "Keep your focus, your grip and your balance!"

"I don't think I had any of those things to start with!" Lana protested from somewhere within the fray.

"If I were you, I'd worry less about Avariya and more about myself," Corrin warned as he advanced.

"Hm."

Zoro unsheathed Yubashiri by an inch, but otherwise remained rooted in place as Corrin approached.

Lana wasn't faring as poorly as she'd feared and a break in the scuffle afforded her a look at Zoro's situation.

"Zoro! Don't move! You'd better not- Ah! Hands off!"

'What's she so worried about, the stitches?' Zoro wondered. His smirk deepened.

"Come on, Lana, you think I need to get on my feet to take this pathetic sack? Don't make me laugh."

"Zoro! I'm serious! Don't you- Hey, watch it jerk!"

She was starting to get on his nerves. Nami had also been insufferable in the days following his injury and he was fed up with hearing about it.

"Don't order me around!" he snapped, eyes fixed to Corrin. The Seeker captain was almost close enough to cut down. "I don't need you or anyone else fussing over me like I'm some sick puppy!"

"Roronoa! Don't... you... dare!"

Lana rolled away from the tussling men, leaving her cloak behind as she planted herself between Zoro and Corrin. Zoro fumed. If she thought she could get between him and his adversary...

Lana panted, struggling to catch her breath while the men triumphantly restrained a figure wrapped in her cloak. She met Zoro's furious glare with fiery eyes of her own.

"Corrin is mine!"

Zoro's rage quelled and his eyebrows shot up as he realized Lana had no interest in keeping him off his feet after all. She just wanted to settle the score with her former captain herself.

"My mistake," Zoro chuckled, letting Yubashiri settle back fully into her sheath. "By all means."

"Corrin! We got her!"

The men proudly displayed their captive: one of their own comrades, battered, dazed and tangled Lana's purple cloak.

"You numbskulls! Avariya's right here!" Corrin raged.

"Quick moves and sleight of hand," Zoro observed. "And here I was, thinking you were pretty much totally untrained."

"I've trained alone. I never had the benefit of instruction," Lana admitted. "But don't think for a second I'll let that stop me from getting even with this scumbag!"

Zoro didn't think that, not even for a second. He could tell easily that Corrin wasn't a warrior. Not in the same sense as Zoro, or even barely trained little Lana. The man standing before them was just another bully trying to cow the world into submission with force and fists.

"Alright then, can I at least take out these other guys? Just sitting here watching is gonna bore me to death," Zoro groaned.

"Do what you want, I don't know any of these goons. Just leave Corrin to me."

Corrin's hired hands were just starting to get a handle on what had happened. They weren't the brightest bunch.

"Oh no! Orvil! We've killed Orvil!"

"He's not dead, dummy, you just knocked him out!"

"Me?! You're the one who-"

"QUIET!" Corrin roared. "Fools!"

While Corrin berated them, Zoro took a moment to correct his crewmate.

"Don't tell me you're gonna take him on with that."

"Huh?"

Lana held up the knife like she'd forgotten she had it.

"Well..."

Zoro crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm not gonna sit here and say it's impossible for one to win a sword fight with a knife... just that you don't have the skills to pull it off," he sighed.

"Well, you're not wrong, but it's all I have," Lana protested.

"Open your eyes. Grab that Orvil guy's sword while these goons are squabbling."

"Then what? I've never even held a sword before! I have no idea how to use it!"

"The same is true of that knife. Pick up the cutlass. Training or no, it'll at least put your reach on par with your opponents'."

"I guess you're the expert," Lana admitted. She moved on the cutlass, drawing the collective gazes of their foes.

"Crap!"

"Get her and let's get going!" Corrin barked, mobilizing his men.

Behind Lana, Zoro stood and drew a single sword.

"If you want your fight, take it," he told her. "I'll clear out the riff-raff."

Just the thought of Zoro's feet made Lana's stomach turn, but she had her own battle to face.

"Corrin! Let's end this!" she declared.

As Zoro engaged the others, Lana stared down the man who had sworn to hunt her to the ends of the earth. She pulled at the sash on her wrist, yanking it up her arm to fully reveal the mark she'd been branded with years before.

"Today... You're taking this mark back!"

_________________________

<== Previous Chapter

Next Chapter ==>

== First Chapter ==

[brokenbutunbowed]

I'm officially being hired on at work (had to get into this place via temp agency) and it comes with an almost 3.50/hour raise. Unfortunately it means moving to 3rd shift for who knows how long, but I'm hoping I'll be able to worm my way back on first by this time next year. Large majority of first shift is almost-old-enough-to-retire peeps, so it's really just a waiting game. This isn't a job I'm passionate about, or find fulfillment in, but it's incredibly easier than any job I've ever had, and once I get that raise, the best paying.

I start 3rds on Monday (well, Sunday at 11pm) and was gonna use this weekend to flip my sleep schedule. I found out last minute this morning they're forcing me to work 1st shift tomorrow (we don't usually work weekends) and it's ruined my whole sleeping plan. They're supposed to announce weekend overtime by Wednesday, and overtime isn't generally mandatory for temps, only voluntary, so I'm honestly pissed. Won't even be getting paid ot because we had Monday off. So I don't even get a real day off and I have to figure out how to flip my sleep in one day instead of two.

I am pretty excited to finally have health insurance that I can use for the first time since I aged off my mom's health insurance two years ago. I'm sure I'll never fucking use it anyway because doctors suck and adhd makes appointments hard, but ya know...

My goal for this year is to finish paying off enough of our house to make the stupid PMI go away, so we no longer have to piss away an extra $200 per month for "insurance" that literally does fuck-all. I'm not sure if it's technically possible to do that in one more year, but it'll be fucking close.

After that's gone, I'll feel a lot less guilty about throwing more money into hobby related stuff. Gotta finish overhauling the basement room, tear down and reinstall new wood panels in the wall that got damaged, I wanna repaint the floor and possibly walls, a drop ceiling would be a dream (or whatever ceiling it would be called that covers up the beams and pipes and whatever). It's going to become my snake room when it's ready, which is going to be a fucking expensive multi year project considering I'm going all pvc enclosures, bioactive, halogens, uvbs, etc for every snake. I keep accidentally adding more snakes to my wishlist and it's become silly. But hey, something to dream about, right? Moving the snakes downstairs will give me more room in the current tarantula-gecko-snake room for other stuff, too, like expanding into some new gecko/lizard species and diving back into tarantulas more. Losing Xerxes two years ago hurt so bad it was hard to feel passionate about my Ts for a long time, but I can feel the joy coming back now more and more every time I'm with them.

Which reminds me, tomorrow is feeding night for the sneks and gecks.

I probably should be asleep, but my original plan was to stay up tonight as long as I possibly could to try and get ready for my new schedule, and my stubborn brain doesn't wanna shut off.

[nebulousfishgills]

My thoughts on the finale (long post)

Okay, I really just wanna put some thoughts down and I need to do it here. Spoilers and opinions, you can choose to agree or not, but please be respectful

I usually try to have a good attitude about things, pointing out the best in everything.

I'm having a really hard time right now.

That's not to say the episode was bad, it's just...

Well, I feel like I'm watching the Game of Thrones finale again. I just feel so unfulfilled. Then again, my hormones are a little out of wack at the moment (thanks mother nature) so my odd feelings could be because of that. I feel so angry and upset and hyped and... I don't honestly know. I really don't. I feel like I want to throw up, but not in a bad or good way.

I guess I just...

Feel.

I've stayed up every night for every episode because I just adored it so much. Yet I feel like... there should be more. I know we got a second season confirmed, but we don't know when. We don't know what it means for the future of the MCU. We don't know anything.

I guess we should have expected this because Loki was supposed to be this new horizon for the MCU. Doctor Strange 2 needed a plot. Someone said this show was just a big ad for MoM, and I find myself disagreeing with that, but only a little.

I think the best way to describe it is it's like the show suddenly decided it wanted to be something else. It's not a bad thing necessarily, but after episode 3, the tone really shifted.

I'm trying really hard to hold off on my more detailed thoughts, but they just keep creeping in, so I'll just wrap up this... intro? Idk.

I think the TLDR is that I feel disappointed, but I don't really blame anyone. Kate Herron, Mike Waldron, they all did AMAZING jobs. They really deserve the highest of praise for this. Is it my favorite MCU project? Yes. Am I excited for season 2? Absolutely.

But Game of Thrones can still be my favorite show and I can still dislike the ending.

I find writing this out is helping me feel better. Once I sleep it'll probably feel less... hopeless.

Now, next section. My thoughts on key plot points.

We all figured Kang would be introduced. I'm actually very excited to see what they do with him. The actor was just phenomenal and I can't wait to see him later on. Someone call up Erik Voss because he redeemed himself after the whole Mephisto deal

I guess the Multiverse was reborn, but not in the way I was expecting/hoping. I feel like there's a large gap between when the timeline shattered and the final scene with Loki, Mobius, and B-15. What happened? Though, I guess it makes sense. We all wanted a multiverse. We never considered the consequences.

I'm angriest about Mobius losing his memories and not getting his jetski. Like I said, Yelena can get a dog in BW after mentioning it once. But as someone on Reddit pointed out, they had to make sure Marvel would greenlight a second season. It does not mean I can't have a huge cow about it. That's what we get for jinxing it, friends.

I think I understand what Star Wars Sequel haters went through. Getting all these grand (maybe... glorious?) ideas about the ending and what a hopeful message about destiny and identity the series could give us. And the series gave us... none of that. Hell, I was so sure these would be used, and I was bamboozled. I'm sure others saw it coming, but they just looked too good to be fake out shots. My best guess is that they're gonna use this footage in season 2 for a plotline and they stuck it in here to trick us... but maybe that's just me being desperate

It was barely 1 AM here, Marvel. The Miss Minutes jumpscare was NOT COOL. I mean, THIS IS HORRIFYING IN LIGHT AS WELL

I'm really confused about Ravonna now. Is she good or is she bad? Where did she go? And why was it important we see her backstory and not any of the others (say, B-15 or Mobius)?

God, okay, I guess I have to address the elephant in the room now.

The Sylki kiss and then betrayal fight thing.

Let me get one thing very extremely clear before I continue: I do prefer Lokius, but I am FINE with Sylki. I think I've just been desensitized to any ship that ends with -cest because, as I've made clear here and in the past, I adore Game of Thrones and Crimson Peak.

I honestly think my main reservation about it is a flaw within myself that I dared not admit until I saw it staring me in the face: I'm probably a little possessive. I can admit this and I really dislike it about myself. But I think I'm just not a fan of Loki having a love interest in general. What makes Lokius different, I have no clue. Maybe deep down I knew Marvel was too much of a pussy to ever make it canon... then again, I was begging for a last minute kiss or something. My feelings on the matter are complicated.

But the way they handled the kiss in this episode? Gotta say, not too much of a fan. I know some antis like this, but it just felt too... not genuine. Maybe I'm just an idiot who thinks all kissing should have a meaning. A purpose. The Reylo kiss in Rise of Skywalker? Ben just saved Rey's fucking life, I think that warrants a large gesture of affection.

But this?

I think I get bad juju from the kiss, not the fact that they made it Canon. You can disagree or agree any way you want, you can even send nasty anon messages. That's my opinion and I'm choosing to stick to it.

And sending nasty anons won't do squat, I don't give a shit about faceless threats and hate.

Anyways, back to my point

The fight felt like a mutual betrayal, but at the same time it felt like neither really wanted to go through with it. I admit I felt Sylvie was more in the right and that Loki seemed a little too complacent, especially after everything he went through and saw. But like Sylvie, I didn't consider the consequences and now everything is fucked. But I still don't think Loki was right.

I think it boils down to being an impossible choice because no matter what you pick, everyone loses.

I believe that my main gripe with Sylvie and Loki's ideology split is that it feels a little too rushed and/or, dare I say it, out of character. I've agreed with Loki's characterization up until this point (again, you can disagree with me, that's your opinion and you have full right to it), but... man, I don't know. It all feels like an impossible situation.

Then again, I'm not the one in the director's chair. I'm not the team in the writers room. I don't know the first thing about making a project like this. I like taking solace in the fact that Tom had some creative control in the series about the character he loves so much. And, let's be real, he knows Loki the best out of all of us. None of us can hold a candle to that.

We can call ourselves experts, but Tom is the real expert. I trust him more than anyone. If he hated how this was turning out, he probably would have said something.

We just have to trust in the creative process

So, at the end of the day, this series was (and still is, remember, season 2 is on the way) absolutely phenomenal and I think it's Marvel's strongest work in a very long time. They know Loki is a character we all love and adore and I feel like they've done their best in honoring that. Besides, what other character is getting a second season? How awesome is that??

I found writing this out helped me process my thoughts and emotions IMMENSELY. I don't feel as... angry? Hopeless? I don't know. I keep comparing this to the end of Game of Thrones, and I feel like that's doing a disservice to Loki. Game of Thrones' ending was just absolute dog shit and there was no chance to redeem it because it was the last season.

Loki has a second season on the way.

It's not over yet.

Nothing is ever final until the universe forces it.

Kang can be stopped

The Multiverse can roam free

Loki can learn to find true happiness

Sylvie can stop running and fighting

Ravonna can redeem herself

The TVA can burn or reform (whichever you choose)

And yes

Mobius can get a jetski

We know nothing yet of season 2, what it will entail, how it connects to the rest of the Marvel Universe, or even when it will be out. But I know that I will eagerly await it when that day comes. I will once again put on a smile. I will wait hours to watch the new episode the moment it drops. I will be excited for it and enjoy it.

Because, at the end of the day, that's all it's about. Telling a story. And, mother of God, Marvel sure is telling a good one.

Until next time, my friends.

For All Time. Always!

-FishGills

[capsteddybear]

Our Playlist: Love Someone - Brett Eldredge

Song lyrics : " Everywhere I want to go and Everywhere I want to be at Everywhere I've ever been Everything I'll ever need Is sitting right here next to me When I wake up in the middle of the night You're holding me so tight Take whole of me, my oh my Sure feels good to love someone"

---- ----

"It's gonna be fine. Come on."

Chris holds the car door open as you stay seated. You have your eye doctor appointment today and you are not a fan getting your eyes dilated.

"You're lying."

Chris lets out a breathy laugh, "(y/n), come on. We'll get ice cream on the way home when we're done."

You groan and get out of the car. Chris gives you a kiss on the cheek and takes your hand. You check in at the front desk as Chris grabs a random magazine from the coffee table before taking a seat in the waiting area. Once you're done checking in you take a seat next to Chris. He holds your hand when he notices you shaking your leg.

"Thank you."

He continues reading the magazine that's laid out on his lap as you watch the random movie showing on the tv. When one of the nurses calls your name you squeeze Chris' hand.

"Want me to go with you?"

"Uh, no... I'll be fine."

He squeezes your hand back, "Okay, I'll be right here waiting for you. Love you."

"Love you too."

You take a deep breath and head back with the nurse. The first two tests you do with ease, but before the nurse does the eye pressure test he gives you the eye dilation drops.

"Okay, after I give you these you're gonna be a bit sensitive to the light. Your eyes are gonna be a bit teary too, but that's totally normal."

You tilt your head back and the nurse puts the drops in your eyes. It takes a few minutes for them to start working. He has you wait in another room for your doctor to see you. You sit in the chair for what feels like a lifetime before you hear a knock on the door and you see your doctor walk in.

"Hi miss (y/l/n), glad to see you."

"Hi."

"Let's start with your eye pressure first and then we'll check for your prescription, okay?"

"Alright."

With the eye pressure test not being your favorite it takes a couple of attempts to get a good reading. Once that's over you do the last test to figure out if you need a new prescription. Soon enough you're done and slowly walk out to the front desk to check out. You have a hard time reading the sign out sheet, but Chris sees you and quickly walks up beside you.

"Hey, hi, I got it." He carefully grabs the pen from you and signs you out. Chris reaches for your hand, "Ready to go?"

"Yes, wait I need sunglasses or my eyes will fry as soon as we walk out." You turn around to the front desk and grab a pair of the disposable sunglasses and put them on. Even though you can't really see you can tell Chris is smiling. "Don't even start, Chris."

"What? I'm not laughing."

"Uh sure, I can tell you're about to."

"Sorry, you look so cute." Chris guides you outside and the sunlight is your enemy.

"Holy shit, it's bright." You hide your face in Chris' chest.

Chris opens up his jacket to block the sun for you, "better?"

"Yes." As he's guiding you back to the car you almost trip a few times but luckily Chris has his arm around you to keep you from falling. Once you get to the car you blindly reach for the door handle and when Chris tries to help you open it you bump him with the door. "Oh shit, sorry. Babe are you okay?"

You just hear him giggling, "Yeah I'm fine. Let's get you inside." You carefully get in the car.

"So, what was that thing you said earlier about ice cream?"

Chris gives you a kiss and starts the car, "alright let's go get ice cream."

You guys decide to get the ice cream to go because the lights in the ice cream shoppe bother your eyes. During the drive home Chris holds your hands and lightly rubs your knuckles with his thumb.

When you get home Chris carefully guides you inside of the house. You're greeted by an enthusiastic Dodger. You take small steps, to not step on him. Chris locks the door behind him before getting Dodger's attention.

"Hey bubba, come here. Bubba." You hear Dodger's nails on the hardwood floor as he runs pass you to Chris. "Okay (y/n), it's a straight shot to the couch. I'll get us spoons and be right there."

You squint your eyes open and spot the couch a few steps ahead of you. You carefully make your way to it and take a seat. You reach for the tv remote on the coffee table, turn on the tv, and quickly regret your decision. "Ah shit!"

You quickly hit the off button and just sit there with your eyes closed. Chris comes running into the living room with the ice cream and spoons, "what happened?"

"I can't watch TV. It's too bright." You pout and throw yourself back on the couch. Even though you can't see Chris' expression you know he's making a pouty face to match yours.

"It's okay. We can do something else."

"Really? And what that might be?" You ask still with your eyes closed.

You feel the couch cushion dip next to you as he joins you, "eat ice cream." He takes your hand and gives you a spoon. He peels off the lid to your ice cream and hands it to you as a smile slowly appears on your face.

"Thank you." You sit up on the couch and make yourself more comfortable as Chris kisses your cheek.

"Open your eyes." You slowly open them and blink a few times to clear your vision. "Hi." Chris gives you a kiss on your lips as he sneaks a scoop of your ice cream. "Thank you!"

You look down at your bowl and see a huge scoop of your ice cream missing, "Gah! You have your own ice cream. Why do you have to eat mine?!"

Chris falls back on the couch laughing almost spilling his ice cream in the process.

"Oh shit."

"Hey don't waste the ice cream you stole from me, you robber."

"Don't worry I won't… I stole your heart and I don't waste your love." Chris smiles and takes a bite of the ice cream.

You lean your head on his shoulder as you enjoy your ice cream, "I love you."

"Love you too, (y/n)."

After you're done eating the ice cream you start to drift off to sleep, but Chris softly shakes your shoulder, "hey before you fall asleep do you need any clothes washed? I'm gonna do laundry."

You moan as you force yourself to sit up, "yeah, I gotta get my clothes for the school trip."

Before you get up from the couch Chris rubs your back and kisses your shoulder. You both head to your bedroom and separate your clothes. You only get the clothes you'll need for the trip, but then you had a hard time deciding which concert attire to take with you. You then ask Chris for help.

"You'll be having 4 different performances, right? 3 with the group and then your solo one?"

"Yeah."

Chris places his hands in his hips as he looks at the pieces of clothing you laid out on the bed, "okay, so for sure the blue dress for your solo…. Hmm, the maroon, the turquoise and black button up blouses too."

You give Chris a hug and kiss, "thanks for helping."

"You're welcome. Love you…. Now just get the rest of the stuff you need washed and then you can take your nap."

You gather the rest of your clothes for Chris to wash before heading back to the living room and throwing yourself on the couch. You notice Chris' jacket laying on the back of the couch and you grab it and snuggle with it before drifting off to sleep.

A couple of hours later you're woken up by Chris dumping the whole basket on you "I washed you fold."

You groan and try to unbury yourself from the mountain of laundry, "what the hell???" You can hear Chris giggling as you feel the couch dip. Then you suddenly feel his hands find your sides and he attacks you with tickles. "Noooo!"

"Wake up and help me fold."

"How can I help you if you buried me alive?"

Chris removes the piece of clothing that's covering your face, "do you need to be saved?"

"Yes." Chris helps unbury you and tugs on your arms to help you sit up. "Thanks, my hero." You kiss his cheek and sit next to him as you help him fold the laundry. Chris starts to get antsy and starts messing around with your clothes. He starts walking around with your underwear on his head trying to make the boring task a bit more fun, for both of you. "Chris!! What are you doing?"

"I'm bored and got distracted by your sexy clothes."

"Oh my god, please stop and fold them."

"Okay fine, you party pooper." Chris sits back on the couch next to you and grabs the TV remote and flicks through the channels for something to watch. He gasps and you look up at the TV and see that there's gonna be a space documentary showing later tonight. "Wanna watch it with me?"

You look at the clock on the wall, "hmm, maybe. I still need to get some work done."

"Okay." Chris leans in for a kiss before you guys get back to folding your laundry.

Once you're done you head to your home office to start on your work. Before Chris heads out for a walk with Dodger he brings you your favorite mug with hot cocoa in it. He kisses your shoulder, "we'll be back in a bit. Love you."

"Be careful. Love you too."

You get a lot of work done while they're out on their walk. About an hour later you hear Dodger's nails on the hardwood floor and then Chris leans in on the doorway, "we're home."

"Hi handsome, how was the walk?"

Chris laughs, "it was good, but it was more of a run. Dodger had a lot of energy today. Gonna go shower…. Wanna join me?" As he raises an eyebrow.

"I would really like to, but I really need to get this work done."

"Okay. I'll leave you to it. Love you."

"Love you, babe."

You hear the door open again and Chris kisses your cheek, "I'm proud of you."

You smile and kiss his cheek before he heads out of your office, "love you, now go shower ya stinky."

Once Chris is done with his shower he pops back into your office. "You almost done? The documentary is about to start."

"I'll be there in a bit."

"Okay." Chris heads to the living room and lays on the couch as the program starts. A half an hour passes and you hear him knock at the door "are you done? I miss you, babe. I need snuggle time with you."

You feel kinda bad so you transfer your work to your laptop and head to the living room and see Chris on the couch. When he spots you he has the biggest smile on his face, "my cuddle buddy!"

You laugh and take a seat next to him. You place the laptop on your lap and Chris snuggling your waist as he watches the space documentary. Every once in awhile you hear a little 'woah' from him when he learns something interesting.

“Did you hear what they just said babe?” and you look at him like, 'no Chris, I’m working.' He nuzzles into you even more and just carries on watching.

You finally finish your work with 10 minutes left of the documentary. You feel bad for not paying attention to it so you decide to cook Chris a yummy dinner as an apology. He hops up on the counter as you're cooking explaining everything that you missed. You keep asking him to pass you ingredients since he's blocking the cupboard. He continues his story and his legs sway and makes all the hand gestures. You can't help but smile when Chris gets excited about space stuff. You finish cooking and help Chris set up the kitchen island for you guys to eat. He starts to talk faster because of how excited he is with the new discovery of there being alternate universes.

“Chris your dinner’s getting cold babe.”

"Sorry sorry, I'm just really mind blown about what I just learned."

"I know, I love you, space nerd."

"I love you more, music nerd."

After dinner you start to pack for your trip. Chris keeps you company as he lays on the bed with Dodger.

"Hey would you mind reading my report and concert program?"

"Not at all."

You slide your laptop on the bed to Chris and he rolls on his stomach and opens up your work to read it. You continue packing your stuff. When you're done you jump in the shower. After you get out you see Chris cuddled up with Dodger with the laptop closed. You softly crawl into bed with them and place a light kiss on Chris' cheek. You hear a soft moan escape his lips as he slowly opens his eyes. "Hi," he reaches out for your hand to hold.

"Hi, thanks for reading my work."

"You're welcome. Time for bed?"

"Yes, I gotta wake up early for my flight."

Chris helps you move your stuff off the bed and place it next to the door. Dodger stretches out on the bed before jumping down and laying on the floor with his favorite stuffed lion.

You and Chris get in bed and he rolls a bit so he's laying on top of you and starts kissing you.

"Mmm, we gotta sleep baby. I have an early start tomorrow."

He sighs, "okay." He rests his head on your chest as you run your fingers through his hair making him even more sleepy. Then his arms wrap around your waist and he starts up again with the light kisses. He's sleepy but doesn't wanna go to sleep just then. You give in and kiss him back passionately as he just holds you close. Soon after you both drift off to sleep.

-- -----

The next morning you're up before your alarm goes off, excited yet anxious about the trip. You lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking. You turn and notice Chris sleeping so you try to go back to sleep, but fail. You turn in bed and Chris wakes up and hugs you because he knows why you can't go back to sleep. He caresses your back while his head is resting on your shoulder so his beard rubs against it, lightly tickling you. He keeps doing it because he loves hearing you giggle. Then his hands start to roam as he starts planting light kisses on your shoulder and neck. Your hands do the same and roam to his lower back. Once there you lay a few light scratches that you can feel Chris smiling while he's kissing you because you've found his tickle spot. You don't tickle too much as not to kill the mood. You also lazily throw one of your legs over to bring you closer to him.

"Good morning, handsome."

"I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you, Chris." You both lay in bed in each other's arms and drift back to sleep, but then your alarm goes off. "Fuuuuuuck." You bury your face in Chris chest and he lets out a sleepy laugh.

"Time to get up."

"No."

"I know, but you gotta go, sweetie. Your students need you."

Chris rubs your back and you slowly roll out of bed. You freshen up in the bathroom as Chris also gets dressed to take you to the airport. You put on some comfy clothes since it'll be a long flight. Chris helps carry your bag to the car as you give Dodger a hug bye. "Be a good boy for Chris. Bye bubba." Dodger gives you a puppy kiss before running back inside.

On the way to the airport Chris holds your hand, lightly rubbing his thumb across your knuckles.

At the airport he pulls over to the drop off area and gets out of the car to get your bag from the trunk. You have your head down as you walk to Chris for a goodbye hug.

"Hey, no don't be sad. It's only for 2 and half weeks."

"That's a long time."

"We've been apart for longer. We'll be fine."

"I know, I'm just gonna miss you." Your eyes start to get watery and Chris wraps his arms around you.

"I'm going to miss you too. I love you so much, (y/n)."

"I love you, Chris." You kiss him as he squeezes you tightly. He hands over your bag and his hand runs down your arm and stops at your hand to hold it for a second longer.

"Be safe, sweetheart. Call me when you land."

"I will. Love you."

"I love you."

You head inside as you turn back and see Chris give you a soft smile and wave.

When you're waiting for your plane you open up your laptop and check your work one last time. You notice a saved note on the document. You click on it to open and it's from Chris:

'Hi beautiful, you're probably on the plane already or getting ready to board. Just wanted to say that I love you so much and I'm so proud of you. You've worked so hard for this trip. Enjoy and have fun. Dodger and I will be waiting for you when you come back home. I love you - Chris.'

Attached to the note is a photo of Chris and Dodger snuggled up in bed from the night before. You have a smile on your face and eyes tear up. You feel really lucky to have such an amazing guy like Chris in your life.

[awstenknyght]

Could you write the thing you and Raven were talking about with Mouse and Josie in the hospital?

FUCKING BET ANON-

Warnings: Overdose, hospital, light swearing, I think that’s all

Song used: Promise Me by Badflower

Tags: @thatsmycigarbutyoucanborrowit @lxwkey-as-hell @trans-witch-cauldron @buttons-and-gulons 

King belongs to @brooklyn-is-here and Mouse belongs to @piper-koko-barnes-rogers

Hands still shaking, Josie collapsed in the waiting room’s hard plastic chairs. Her vision was blurred. Nothing seemed real.

Carefully, she pulled out her tattered old notebook and began scribbling lyrics.

We’re getting old now

But i don’t feel it

Josie felt tears streaming down her face. How had she missed this?

“Mousey!” Josie cried, jumping onto Mouse’s bed. “Are you going to sleep anytime soon?”

Mouse glanced up from her work. Her eyes looked tired and ready to shut, but she shook herself awake. “I will. Soon. you go ahead and sleep, i’ll stay up a bit longer”

Josie had shaken it off at the time. It was just Mouse overworking herself a bit, right?

I say you’re beautiful

And i still mean it

“You know you can take a break, right?” Josie asked one day. Mouse didn’t look up from her computer. “Me and King both want you to take care of yourself.”

Mouse shook her head. “I’m fine. I can handle it.”

Josie looked at her skeptically, but she dropped it. She hadn’t seen Mouse rest in ages, but surely she was fine. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

And I don't wanna know 

What old age feels like

So promise me you won't 

Give up on this life

“Family of Illaria Santos-Larkin?” A nurse asked, walking to where Josie was sitting. Sarah, who she hadn’t noticed before, nodded. The nurse smiled. “Follow me.”

Josie stood and followed, hands still shaking. She let out a gasp as she saw Mouse.

She was tangled on wires and attached to different machines. But the worst part wasn’t all of that; it was the girl in the middle of it all. The bright, cheery Mouse was gone. All that was left was a shell of a girl. She looked weak and tired, like at any moment she’d just break.

“Ria?” Josie cried out softly. The girl didn’t respond. Josie wondered if she ever would again.

And we’ll be busy trying

While the rest of them are dying

Josie rested her elbow on Mouse’s shoulder and smirked. “Short-ass.”

Mouse rolled her eyes and took another sip of coffee. “Tall bastard”

They had decided to take the day off together. They got coffee from a nearby cafe and were on their way to the park.  Josie skipped ahead of Mouse a bit before stopping to let her catch up.

But when she turned to find the other girl, all she saw was a small crowd gathering. She ran back and gave a small scream when she saw it. Mouse was passed out on the ground, unmoving.

People were already calling for help, and soon enough she was being whisked off in an ambulance. Josie was left alone.

~

“I’m gonna go make some calls, you can stay with her,” Sarah said gently, before leaving Josie and Mouse in peace.

Josie sat on the edge of the hospital bed. She let out a small sob and began to sing.

“Promise me we'll never grow up

I don't wanna let go

I wanna stay young

And even when the wrinkles show up

We'll be laughing, and

We can play forever

Don't make me face the truth”

Mouse was still silent. Josie layed silently next to her, trying to focus on lyrics. If she didn’t, she’d have to face what was happening. And she couldn’t do that.

I think it’s obvious

That we’ll stay happy

“Hey, have you heard this?” Josie asked, trying to keep her voice nonchalant as she handed her friend a pair of earbuds. 

Mouse listened to the song and shook her head. “I don’t think so. It’s really good.”

Josie muttered something under her breath. “What was that?”

“Look at the artist.”

Mouse looked at the phone and did a double take. “Jo, that was you? That’s amazing!”

“You think so?”

“Absolutely!” she said, coming over and wrapping Josie in a hug. “You know, I play guitar.”

Josie hugged her back. “You mean-”

“Only if you want to of course!” Mouse replied. “But you’re amazing.”

“Of course I want that!” Josie cried. “What about King’s band?”

Mouse shrugged and smiled. “I can do both.”

And I’m the happiest

When you smile at me

Josie didn’t leave the hospital at all the next week. King, Sarah, Kath, and Jack came in and out, but Josie couldn’t move. She focused all her energy into the song.

And we won't end the same

A broken family

I'll never walk away

Without you with me

“Jo? I think it’s time you went home.” Jack said one day. It had been nearly a month since the incident. The doctors weren’t sure if Mouse would wake up.

“No, I gotta stay.” 

“J, I’m serious. She’ll still be here if you leave.” Jack put a hand on his sister’s shoulder. “C’mon.”

Josie let him lead her away. She continued to scribble away in her notebook.

And times are getting harder

But i’m nothing like my father

“Mouse! Wake up!”

Mouse sat up with a start. “Jo?”

“I’m right here Ria. You okay?”

Mouse nodded her head. “Yeah, yeah i’m fine. Just- a bad dream.”

Josie didn’t look so certain. “It looked like more than just a bad dream.”

“I’m fine.” Mouse said. She stood up and made a cup of coffee. “Just a bad dream.”

Josie still looked skeptical, but she went back to sleep anyway. Mouse could handle herself.

Right?

~

Josie took a trembling breath as she stepped up to the microphone. It was her first performance without Mouse by her side. 

“Hey everyone-” she said in a shaky voice. She was met with applause and cheers. When they died down, she continued. “As you know, we’re missing someone tonight. Mouse is still in a coma.”

She began strumming a few chords of the song. “I started writing this song when she first passed out. I was hoping we could perform it together when she woke up. But now i just hope she’ll be able to hear it.”

With those words, Josie began to sing. The audience was silent throughout. By the time she got to the second chorus, she was nearly sobbing.

“Promise me we’ll never grow up

I don’t wanna fall out

I wanna make love

And even when we can’t so what?

We’re together and happy ever 

Don’t make me face the truth”

Josie chokes out the next words through sobs before breaking down. “That I’m dying soon. That we’re dying”

Katherine ushers her off stage. Once she calmed down a bit, she went back on to finish the concert. It wasn’t the same without Mouse there.

Don’t say goodbye

We’re so much older

All i want is one more life with you

“Hey Mousey?”

Mouse gave a small hum. It was the middle of the night, and they were on their first tour together.

“Promise we’ll be okay? Nothing bad will happen?”

“Of course Jo. What could go wrong?”

Josie smiled and turned to go to sleep. They’d be okay, forever and always.

When did we get so old

When did you get so sick

And how could you die

Josie at the edge of Mouse’s bed. She was alone with her. Before she could stop herself, she started talking. “It’s been 13 months. Almost 14. They don’t think you’re gonna wake up. But you will. You’ll show them. You have to.”

Josie took the other girl’s hand and began tracing abstract shapes. 

“You promised me you’d never grow up, now i have to let go, god i miss you so much.” Josie whispered. She didn’t sing the words, only whispering them under her breath. “And even when your heart gave out i was thinking i, i won’t say goodbye.”

Josie’s voice became less steady and louder. She coudn’t tell if she was more sad or angry, and she didn’t care. “You promised me you’d never grow up but you fucking grew up, god i miss you so much!”

Josie’s sobs grew heavier and heavier as she ranted to herself. “And even when your heart gave out i was thinking i’d love you till forever and i can’t face the truth.”

Mouse’s hand twitched. She gave a small whine. 

Josie’s eyes widened in disbelief. No, she had imagined it. Mouse didn’t move again. Josie was all out of tears. “That I died with you. That you lied”

Mouse’s hand moved again. “Jo?”

Josie couldn’t deny it now. Mouse was awake. “Ria?”

You died

***

yay angst

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Four

***IMPORTANT: This was too long to put into one post apparently, so this is part 1 of this chapter, and the link for part 2 will be at the end of the chapter. Thank you and have good night/day***

Words: 5.8k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, sexual situations

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“Damnit, bp is 183/111.” A nurse says after they get me on a gurney and she takes my blood pressure, twice. “Mrs. Sixx is your head or chest hurting, vision blurring?” She asks me and I nod my head, my eyes closed, still struggling to breathe, my skin beginning to get sticky with sweat. 

“My head.” I tell her.

“Okay, I need you to keep your eyes open for me just for a little bit, so you can tell me if things start looking fuzzy, alright?”

I nod and she smiles reassuringly at me.

“Just stay as calm as possible and we’ll get your blood pressure under control.” She states, beforing looking at the nurse walking on the other side of the gurney. “I need an IV of Beta-blockers.” She tells her, and in what feels like seconds, she's scrubbing at the crook of my elbow with an alcohol pad, before I’m feeling the pinch of a needle sliding into my skin.

“Where’s Duff? The guy I came in here with?” I ask, trying to calm myself down, but I don’t think it’s working.

“He’s filling out some paperwork for you while the desk contacts your emergency contact to let them know the situation and then he will be right here with you as soon as we get you stable.” She informs me and I feel panic in my chest, as I try to sit up, only for them to gently push me back down. “Vivian, you are in a hypertensive crisis. You need to lay still and avoid getting yourself worked up even more.”

“My emergency contact is my husband and he is the last motherfucker I want to know about this!” I argue in between breaths. “Now tell the bitch at the front desk to leave him out of it or I will stroke out just to fucking spite you because I’ve got nothing to lose at this point!”

I sound pathetic, struggling to breathe, gasping out the words in the best scream I can muster, and she raises her brows at me.

They tried to stop Nikki from being contacted, but he was...well, they left a message to the machine at our house, which he ended up checking from his hotel room later that day.

They get my blood pressure down within a few minutes and keep me under watch for several hours, before my doctor finally decides it’s time to tell me what the hell happened, although with how many times I’ve heard the word “hypertension”, I’m assuming it’s not good.

“You had a transient ischemic attack, which, when you take the complicated sounding name away, is basically a ministroke.” He explains, and my eyes widen. “It’s not as major as a stroke, especially since this was caught before it could develop into something worse, but your brain was still not receiving the amount of oxygen needed in your blood because it’s pressure was way too high, but good news for you is that your brain isn’t showing signs of damage that can affect your mind like a stroke would. That being said, this does increase your risk of having a major stroke down the line. No one in your family has a history of stroke or high blood pressure, which typically suggests, more times than not, it is either something you took--medication, alcohol, drugs, etc. or it’s your environment. Is there anything you took, or drank, prior to experiencing your symptoms?”

“I took Nyquil...four doses worth in less than six hours.” I tell him and Duff looks at me, confused. “I couldn’t sleep.” I add.

“N-Nyquil?” Duff asks me, quietly, as if in disbelief. “You had a ministroke...because of an over the counter cold medicine?”

The doctor flips through my chart before pursing his lips.

“Are you still taking Nardil on a daily basis?” He asks me and I nod.

“Yes.”

“Okay, that’s where things went south.” He confirms. “There is a warning on the back of Nyquil syrup, stating that the way MAO Inhibitors, which is a class of antidepressant that phenelzine--Nardil--falls under, interact with the dextromethorphan HBr and the doxylamine succinate in Nyquil, has a high chance of causing hypertension--very high blood pressure-- which can really hurt the brain and the heart, and since you took eight tablespoons of it, it really is miraculous that you didn’t have a major stroke before you even got in the car to come here.” He adds and I feel shitty for being a complete dumbass. “I will give you a sheet of over the counter medicines to avoid before we get you checked out here in a couple hours.” He assures me before heading to the door of the tiny room.

“Thank you.” Duff says as he leaves, and he turns to look at me, trying to hide a smile. “Nyquil.” He states, raising his brows. “You can’t take Nyquil. Without--”

“--Shut up.” I state, trying not to start laughing because I could’ve really been in trouble.

“Oh, c’mon, Viv, you had me freaking out worried something horrible was wrong--which it was, really--but Nyquil?”

“I have seen idiots mix drugs with all types of mess and their bodies not even acknowledge it, but I take Nyquil…” I trail off, not being able to stop laughing. “...and it’s too much for me? Hell, at this point if I have one taste of a hard drug I’m just gonna croak over immediately.”

The two of us keep laughing for a couple minutes, until I’m sore in the stomach, and my watering eyes from laughter, are watering because the reality of everything that has happened to me in the past four three days, hits me.

Duff just sits on the tiny bed next to me, holding at my hand, wiping at my tears, giving me a big, encouraging smile.

“I love you.” I tell him and he nods, kissing my cheek.

“I love you, too.” He tells me. “This will blow over before you know it, Viv.”

Once I get checked out and we head back to Duff’s place, I quickly realize something I haven’t even thought about.

“Your album is coming out.” I say, looking at him and he glances at me, chuckling.

“Yeah.” He confirms. “In like, two days.”

“Holy shit.” I mumble. “I gotta take you guys out to dinner or something.” I rub my tired eyes and he shakes his head.

“No, no, it’s fine, Viv.”

“No, it’s not. This is a good time for you guys and I just came home all gloom and doom and shit all over it. I need to do something for you guys.” I explain.

“You’re not ‘gloom and doom’, you’re hurting. Which is normal for what you’ve been through, and being that we helped hide it from you, you don’t need to be worried about inconveniencing us. At all.” He argues.

“It’ll help me get my mind off of things.” I suggest.

“You don’t really need to get your mind off of it. You need to be processing everything and figuring out where you wanna go from here.” He politely tells me.

“I can’t go anywhere from here, Duff. Not until the tour’s over.” I laugh humorlessly and he furrows his brows.

“What?”

"Doc doesn't want us to split until the tour's over. Not that it should even matter. People don't give a damn about our marriage as much as Doc is convinced they are. It's not like the second fans hear we're filing for divorce they're gonna go on a strike over it." I roll my eyes. 

"They won't care." Duff tells me.

"Exactly." 

"...Do you want a divorce?" He asks next and I lick my lips. 

"I don't know." I admit, tears coming to my eyes at the thought of it.

“Does he?”

“Duff, I don’t know, alright? We’ll just figure it out when the tour ends.”

“Vivian, that’s nearly a year from now.” He states.

“Well, then, I don’t fucking know! Okay?! I don’t fucking know!”

“I’m trying to get you to think about what you want to do because you’ll just end up putting it off and ignoring it like you do with all of your problems you’ve got with him.” He explains, keeping himself calm.

“I’ll deal with it later.”

“Viv--”

“--Duff. Please.” I give up, and he lets out a breath.

“I’m dropping it.” He mumbles.

After a few more minutes, he’s glancing at me again.

“We’re having a listening party for the album tomorrow night, by the way.” He tells me. “We’d really like for you to come, if you’re up for it.” He adds and a small smile comes to my lips.

“Yeah.” I nod.

“Yeah?” He asks, mimicking my smile.

“Yeah.”

The next day, I decide to go home and visit with Karen, trying to convince myself not to completely wreck the place the second I walk in.

She’s sitting on the couch with the TV playing in the background.

When I walk in, she looks up at me and gives me a soft smile.

“Hey.” She tells me, nervously, and I roll my jaw and look around.

I never noticed how many fucking pictures Nikki and I have up together from our wedding.

“Doc told me to keep an eye out for you, I was kinda worried when you didn’t come home.” She adds.

“I was staying with Duff.” I tell her, and she still tries to keep her smile on her face.

“Oh, um, you’ve got some mail, and Doc called and wanted you to call him back, and I’m sorry I wasn’t here when the hospital called. I just checked the messages late last night but Doc said Nikki had already heard the one the receptionist in the ER left.” She tells me and I let out a sigh.

“Great, something else to hear Doc bitch me out about.” I grumble, stepping to the phone in the kitchen, seeing the mail on the counter next to it.

I see she scribbled down the hotel phone number that they’re at now, and Doc’s hotel room number, on a paper pad and I punch the number in and request it to be put through to Doc.

Before I can get a breath out, I’m hearing all of it.

“Are you fucking out of your mind, Vivian? ‘Bless their hearts’?! I told you repeatedly what to tell the press and you don’t listen to a word of it?! And then you go home and end up in the fucking emergeny room?! What, did ya try to kill yourself or something, what the hell happened?!”

I raise my brows and blink a few times.

“I wasn’t paying attention to the warning label of some Nyquil and I took some to sleep, and it didn’t react well with my antidepressant. I’m alive, I’m fine, I wasn’t trying to kill myself, and would you rather me have said, ‘Vanity and Nikki fucked me over and everyone who was supposed to have my back, let them’?”

I hear his heavy breath exhaling on the other end of the line.

“Alright, Viv, alright. Just don’t say anything else to the press, please. The journalist at Rolling Stone is gonna be here in a couple of days, just please, please, please, be on your best behaviour. I’ve already talked to Nikki and he’s agreed to play nice, please, do so too.” He begs.

I didn’t want to “play nice” but I decided to so I wouldn’t make things harder for everybody, including myself, but just being blatantly hateful.

“Fine, Doc.” I agree and he sighs out in relief.

“Thank you, Viv.” He tells me and I roll my eyes.

“Yep.” I reply before hanging the phone up.

When I pick up the pile of mail, an envelope falls to the floor and I reach down to pick it up, seeing it’s addressed to me, from Playboy Enterprises.

I furrow my brows and open the envelope, grabbing at the paper inside and unfolding it before I read it.

“Dude.” I say to myself, furrowing my brows.

Someone had seen me half naked, demonstrating my flexibility, in the “Girls, Girls, Girls” video and a cover shoot for Playboy and a 12 page pictorial was on the table for $40,000, if I was up for it. Of course any other time I wouldn’t have thought twice...but this time, it was being considered.

“Forty-thousand?” Sharise asks me on the other end of the line later that day.

“Forty freaking thousand.” I reply.

“Who the hell wants to see you naked so bad?” 

“I don’t know  but I’m not mad at it.” I reply.

“Are you gonna do it?”

“I don’t know. Should I?”

“You just found out Nikki’s been cheating on you with one of your friends, Viv, I think you should take some time to think about it in case you make the decision to do it and then realize you shouldn’t have agreed to it, ya know?”

“I don’t have any money of my own, Sharise. If he leaves me, he’s not gonna leave me anything. I’m gonna be out of luck. I could use the money.” I explain. “And they didn’t say whether I had to be nude or not so I’ll look into the details and just go from there.”

“You are the absolute last person I would ever expect to take up an offer from Playboy.”

“Desperate times.” I shrug.

“More like, ‘what can I do to piss Nikki off’, times.” She points out.

“Vanity’s posed in Playboy before. Maybe he would've liked me enough not to cheat on me if I would've been more like her to begin with.” I sarcastically say, but there is a smile part of me that really feels that way. 

"Don't compare yourself to her, Viv." She argues politely. 

"I'm not." I lie, setting the letter from Playboy down. 

I hear Skylar screaming and crying in the background and Sharise sighs out. 

"I gotta go, Viv, I'll call you back later. Skylar just fell." She tells me.

"Alright, I'll come visit you guys before I leave." I assure her.

"Okay. We love you and we'll see you then." 

"I love you, too, tell Sky I love her." 

"I will."

"Bye."

"Bye." 

I hang up and let out a soft breath, glancing at the number on the letter once again, rubbing my lips together before deciding to start getting ready to meet the guys for their album listening party before it drops.

For the first time in a few days, I look at myself in the mirror, taken back by how shitty I look.

The dark circles under my eyes are more prominent than usual, my eyes themselves look nearly dead, my hair is kinda nappy since I haven't brushed it in a couple days, and my mouth feels gross because I haven't bothered to brush my teeth.

I get in the shower, hoping it'll make me feel better.

The only thing it does is make me want to call Duff and tell him I can't make it tonight, but like I always do, I persist and finish getting ready, nearly fooling myself when I look in the mirror and make myself smile. 

My doorbell is ringing within the next thirty minutes, and I'm spritzing on perfume as I hear Karen open the door to let the guys in. 

I'm pulling my heels on, stepping into the living room.

"Hey." I greet Duff and Steven, and Steven's immediately hugging onto me. 

"I'm sorry." He says, apologizing for the part he played in Nikki's bullshit. 

I hug him back, not able to help but smile at how tightly he's hugging me. 

"It's okay, Stevie." I tell him, genuinely. 

He kisses my cheek and gives me one last tight squeeze before letting me go. 

"Are we ready?" Duff asks me and I nod.

"Alright, we'll have her back home at a reasonable time." Steven tells Karen, and she chuckles.

"Stay out of trouble." She tells us as we head to the door. 

"We will." I assure her as we head out the door to get in Duff's car. 

All of their friends are there, everyone of them giving them wide smiles and big hugs as I hold onto Duff's hand as we weave through the crowd to the bar.

“Hi.” Slash says to me, sunglasses on, hat low, and I raise my brows at him.

“Are you okay?”

“Yep.” He replies, sipping from the Jack bottle in his hand, pulling out a cigarette.

“Can I have one?” Duff asks him.

“Yeah, if you’ve got a light.” Slash replies with a little grin and Duff pulls the lighter from his pocket and lights Slash’s cigarette before his own.

“You want a drink?” He asks me next and I look up at him.

“Water.” I tell him with a nod, suddenly feeling an arm slip over my shoulders.

It’s Izzy, and he looks like he’s been on cloud 9 for a little bit now, a loose smile on his lips as cigarette smoke flows from his mouth with his exhaled breath.

“Hey, you.” He tells me, and I lick my lips.

“Hey, asshole.” I shrug his arm off, remembering him yelling at me the other night.

“Ouch, am I on your shit list, too, now?” He asks me and I glance at him, making his smile widen, his eyes crinkling slightly. “I forget you’re sensitive, Viv.” He adds.

“Maybe me shoving my foot up your ass will remind you.” I state, Duff turning to hand me my water.

Izzy looks down at the clear liquid and frowns slightly.

“That’s why you’re sad.” He motions to it. “You need the strong stuff.”

I know what he means, but I try to play it off by saying, “what, sparkling water?”

“Izzy, man, she doesn’t drink.” Duff cuts in, lightly, but I know he’s being serious. 

“Just making a suggestion.” Izzy shrugs, his eyes on a pretty blonde that passes. “I’ll be right back.”

He follows after her and I roll my eyes, taking a sip of water, as “Welcome to the Jungle” starts playing over the speakers.

Everyone starts cheering, all the guys stop what they’re doing, all of them sharing the same, proud smiles.

Once I’m done with my water, Duff, Slash, Izzy, Steven and Axl are all together, trying to gauge everyone’s reactions to their album so far.

Everyone seems to really like it.

“I’m gonna get another water.” I tell Duff, and he nods. “Do you need a refill?” I ask him, motioning to his cocktail.

“No, thanks though.” He tells me and I head to the bar, Izzy’s suggestion echoing in my mind as my eyes fall on the array of liquor bottles on display on the back wall shelf behind the bar.

My mind drifts to what would happen if I were to have a cocktail.

I step to the bar and order the last alcoholic drink I had, although accidental at the time.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I’m throwing back my shot of Tequila, nearly choking at the burn of it before feeling warmth radiate throughout my chest as it goes down.

Next thing I know, I’m seven shots in starting to feel less tense...even less tense when I try to walk and nearly faceplant, laughing instead of feeling embarrassed before walking as best as I can to the guys.

“Where’s your water?” Duff asks me, and I look at my hands, furrowing my brows.

“I don’t know.” I reply, honestly, and his brows raise and his eyes widen when he gets a whiff of my breath.

“Oh, shit, Viv, you smell like--”

“--Tequila!” I finish saying it in the way it’s said in “Tequila” by The Champs.

He’s stunned for a moment, and I’m trying to keep from looking him up and down.

“H-How much did you drink?” He asks me politely and I squint my eyes as I try to remember.

“I lost count after four.” I admit.

“Viv, I don’t think you’re supposed to be drinking with your medication.” He tells me.

“Doesn’t matter when the shit isn’t making me feel better anyway.” I reply without a thought, my speech starting to slur, my gaze focusing the best it can on the bottle in Slash's hand.

It reminds me of Nikki.

"I want Nikki." I say next and Duff can probably sense a storm coming, turning around and seeing the guys aren't paying attention. 

"Hey, she's not feeling too good so I'm gonna take her home." He tells them. "I'll be back." He assures them. 

"Alright, dude." Steven replies and Duff sits his drink down. 

"Let's get outta here." He tells me, grabbing at my hand and leading me to his car, causing me to be sidetracked by the payphone. 

"Gimme some change." I tell him.

"Viv, c'mon, you need to go home." He tries to guide me away but I refuse. 

"I miss Nikki. I wanna talk to him."

"He's probably asleep right now, Viv. You can call him tomorrow." He suggests.

"He won't talk to me anyway. He hates me." I reply, stumbling to the passenger side of the car and he helps me stay balanced, opening the door for me and helping me get in before he shuts the door and walks around to the passenger seat. 

It's a quiet drive home.

I miss Nikki.

He punches in the code of our gate and pulls into the driveway, helping me out.

I take my heels off and toss them down on the concrete, causing him to reach down and grab them for me as I clumsily make my way to the door. 

"Here, here, I got it." He assures me when I try to open the door, singling out our house key from his car keys. 

"I'm sorry for ruining your night." I tell him. "It was suppose to be a fun night--"

"--It was fun, Viv." He promises. "I'm going back anyway when I make sure you're settled here." He adds, opening the door. "I'll let Karen know what's up and--"

"Karen's out tonight, Duff." I cut him short, remembering that she told me earlier today about going out for one of her girl friends' birthdays, not able to keep my eyes off of him. 

"Oh." He says. "Well, I can stay here until she comes back." He tells me. "I'll go ahead and get you some water." He heads to the kitchen, and a sick plan twists itself into my skull. 

When he comes back with my water and hands it to me, I just sit it on the coffee table in the living room before turning to look at him. 

"You need to drink that, Viv." He politely says, but I just step closer to him, and apparently he can tell what I'm thinking based off my expression because he's gently grasping my hand in his when I reach out to pull him closer to me. "We can't, Vivian."

"Why not? Because of Nikki? As if he gives a shit."

"But I do. I give a shit. And you're drunk. And you're heartbroken. And I'm not adding to the damage before you even process what's already been done." He states. 

"You've wanted to fuck me for how long and here's your shot, and you're turning me down to spare my feelings?" I scoff out. "Where the fuck is Vince Neil when you need him?" I say to myself outloud, irritated with Duff, about to push past him to go to my room. 

"Somewhere in the midwest, believing Nikki is still right for screwing Vanity." He argues, frustrated that I'm not understanding that he's trying to do the right thing. 

I stop for a second, and turn to look at him, again. 

"Vivian, I want to, but I can't--"

"--You didn't tell me about Nikki and Vanity, either." I remind him harshly. "So, when you think about it, you owe me, Duff." I hiss.

"I was protecting y--"

"--If you were protecting me, you would have told me!" I outburst, tears in my eyes. "You wouldn't have put me in a position that allowed me to be humiliated like that! Nobody would have if they were really looking out for me!" 

He's got tears in his eyes now, and he exhales. 

"I'm not gonna stay here and let you badger me for doing what I thought was the best thing to do." He says, walking to the door. 

"Yeah, just leave me like Nikki! Just go get shitfaced and pout and end the night on top of another girl because that's how everybody else solves their fucking issues!" 

He snaps around, causing me to bump into him from where I'm following at his heels.

"I'm not Nikki." He says through his teeth.

"You didn't tell me." I repeat weakly. "Nobody told me."

His frustration dissipates, and he takes a couple of steps to me, before leaning down, suddenly taking my lips with his. 

The numbing effect of being kissed and held is potent, and a sick part of my mind pictures I'm with Nikki, and not Duff. 

I try to keep my eyes closed the best I can to keep the illusion alive, even when clothes start being torn off, even when my legs are wrapped around his bare hips, my naked back against the wall and his tongue and mine dancing as adrenaline and ecstasy course through me. 

With each thrust, I'm growing more sober, more conscious to the fact this isn't Nikki.

He stops abruptly, pulling away from me, furrowing his brows. 

"Viv?"

"Yeah?" I ask, still not opening my eyes. 

"Look at me." He says softly and I gently shake my head. "Viv--"

"--Just keep going." I tell him, my voice cracking, as a lump forms in my throat. 

"Are you crying?" He asks next, and I finally look at him. 

He looks horrified and guilty, as if he's screaming at himself internally for being shitty.

He's not shitty. I am.

"I'm sorry." I say next.

"Jesus Christ." He lets out, a single tear falls past his lashes and he's pulling out of me and putting me back on my feet as fast as he can.

"Duff." 

He ignores me, pulling his clothes on.

"Duff, please." I grab at his arm and he shakes me off, putting his boots back on, sniffling, wiping his eye quickly, picking up his jacket and getting his car keys. "Duff, I'm sorry--"

"--I'm not Nikki." Is the last thing he says before slamming my front door shut. 

"Vivian?" I'm snapping out of my daydream, seeing Steven furrowing his brows, the loud verse of "Mr. Brownstone" blaring in my ears from the club speakers.

"Yeah?" I reply to him. 

"I was coming to get a refill, Duff wanted me to come check on you." He tells me and I look down at the empty water glass in my hand. 

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine." I assure him with a smile. 

"Okay, just making sure." 

.

.

.

-> Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Four (pt. 2)

[ilosttrackofthings]

october 11 2015, "but you just won't leave" and or january 26 2016, "s"

send me a sunday six name+date and I’ll respond with more

So I can’t actually find “but you just won’t leave” in my fic folders so I can’t give you another snippet buuut I can tell you that it was supposed to be chapter 2 of I’m hoping you can save me. In it, Mike would spend pretty much the whole night knowingly hallucinating Jess, he assumes, as his own mental punishment for failing to save her. I have always hoped I’d manage to finish it up and I did rewatch Until Dawn recently so I’ll likely keep hunting for it in hopes it’ll actually get an ending.

Luckily, such is not the case with S (weird, considering that the one has a ~title that was its for real title but this one was just a random fic that by all rights I should never have been able to track down again because my organizational system was nonexistent back then). It was written in response to a Jemma/Steve prompt and I just couldn’t finish it but I’m too fond of what I did write to scrap it entirely so I hope you all enjoy:

Throughthe creepy fake wall, into the even creepier secret lair. One guard.Back of the room. Shield to the chest knocks him out before he candraw his sidearm.

Stevecatches the shield after it rebounds off the ceiling and only thennotices the other person in the room. She’s wrapped up in so manyrestraints he almost missed her. The contraption they’ve got her inis familiar, reminds him of what he and Sam dug up on the WinterSoldier in the early days. Poor girl’s just a kid, shaking andfighting while her eyes are fixed on that - what’s the word? -psychedelic screen up ahead. He smashes the star into the damn thingand she whimpers.

“Hey,hey, it’s okay. I’m Captain America; I’m gonna get you out ofhere, all right?”

Gently,he starts with the clasps holding her eyes open. She shuts them andher whole body relaxes so that when he gets her out of the cuffs, shesinks into his arms.

“Miss?”he prods, trying to hold her on her feet. “Miss, can you stand?”

Sherests one small hand on his shoulder - the other is held protectivelyclose to her body and he vows to punch at least one more HYDRA agentin the teeth before leaving this hell hole - but wavers so badly hecatches her around the waist with one arm.

“Okay,that’s not gonna work.” He taps his earpiece. “Sam? You stillairborne? I need a medical evac.”

Thereare a lot of calls questioning whether Steve’s the one who needshelp and he ignores them just like he ignores the backgroundexplosions and gunfire, focusing on Sam’s “What floor?”

“Thirty-eight.Whitehall’s office. I’ll make a hole.”

“Gotcha.Comin’ around now.”

Stevetaps off the device and looks down. The woman is resting against hischest, so still and peaceful. “Miss? You still with me?”

Shehums lowly and tips her head back. Her eyes are glassy but at leastshe’s awake. “Oh! You’re-”

“CaptainAmerica,” he says gently, filing it away to let Banner know she’shaving some memory issues. “You okay to walk or do I have to carryyou?”

“Um…”She catches her lower lip between her teeth and glances down likeshe’s checking to make sure she’s even got legs.

“Carryit is.” He hefts her into his arms before she can protest.

Shesways in his grip and falls heavily against his shoulder. “Whoa.”

“Youokay there?”

“Yes.Just …” He’s made it back into the office and is setting herdown on one of the couches when she finally gets to the en of that sentence. “Woozy.”He’s more and more glad he called Sam by the minute.

“Stayhere,” he says, using his captain voice and hoping it’ll keep herfrom rolling off the cushions. He makes sure her bad arm is restingsafely on her stomach and her good hand lands against the side of hisneck. “I’ve gotta blow a hold in the wall,” he saysapologetically. She nods like that makes complete sense.

Beforeleaving to set a few charges on Whitehall’s big, landscape window,he kicks the coffee table away so if she doesroll off she won’t be in danger of cracking her head open.

Theexplosion doesn’t wake her up. Neither does Sam lifting her in hisarms. Steve watches him disappear through the giant hole beforeheading back downstairs to beat up a few more HYDRA grunts.

.

.

She’snot their only rescue of the day - not by a long shot - but she’sthe only one on the quinjet that Clint brings around to pick him andNat up.

“Hi,”she says when he walks past. She’s on a gurney on the floor andsmiling in a very obviously drugged way. She doesn’t seem to noticeBruce splinting her swollen hand at all.

“Hey.”He squats down to look her over. “You remember me?”

Herface scrunches up so dramatically he has to bite back a laugh. “You-”she pokes him in the chest with her right hand and gets momentarilydistracted by the IV line- “smell good.”

Brucesnorts and on the other side of the cabin Sam doesn’t even tryto hold his laugh in.

“Mm-hm,”she says, patting Steve’s chest. “Very nice.”

“Don’ttake it too personal,” Bruce says, “Jemma here called me Tripwhen she first woke up and then tried to get me to confess I wasn’treally Bruce Banner.”

“You’renot,”Jemma says, swinging her hand over to give Bruce a weak smack - ormaybe she was trying to rub his hair, that’s more what it ends upbeing.

“Didyou?” Steve asks, giving up on keeping the smile off his face.

“Toshut her up,” Bruce says. “She was trying to quiz me on my work -did a damn good job considering she was already high as a kite - soI’m guessing HYDRA wanted her for her brain.”

“Yeah,”Steve says, remembering the machine she was hooked up to. “Theremight actually be some memory loss - how is she physically?”

Brucelooks up from his work on her arm. “Decent for someone in HYDRAcustody. The wrist is broken but it doesn’t feel too bad. She’sgot some bruising and some swelling. Not enough to do real damage,but enough to scare her.” His voice goes cold and distant, the wayit does when he’s thinking of things he shouldn’t be.

Stevekeeps alert for signs his emotions are getting away from him butotherwise leaves Bruce be. 

Jemma’sdrifted off to sleep again and Steve brushes her hair from herforehead, revealing another bruise. Bastards.

Beneathhis feet the quinjet takes a wide turn. He and Bruce exchange a look;he’s not the only one confused.

“Uh,what’s happening?” he calls up to the cockpit. The cargo ramp isopening and he rests a hand on Jemma’s stomach just to be certainshe stays put.

“Starksays to head west!” Nat yells, her words almost lost on the wind.

Theramp closes and Tony’s heavy footfalls echo in the tight space.“Stark,” he says snarkily, “has been on the phone with MariaHill. Who very casually asked if we’d recovered any prisoners andthen even morecasually asked if any of them were former SHIELD agents.”

Stevetips his head back. “Was she?”

“Idon’t know!” Tony snaps. “The only records on this girl areHYDRA’s. You google her name and there’s nothing.She’s a ghost.”

Stevelooks back to Jemma’s peaceful face. He can feel Sam watching himand he’s willing to bet Nat’s paying just as much attention,though she’s too good to show it.

“Howdo you know Hill wants her?”

Thebreath hisses out of Tony as he steps away from his suit. “Ifinally got her to admit Agent Jemma Simmons is who she was fishingfor - probablywhy she gave us this base’s coordinates in the first place. Shetried to say the girl’s dadwas worried about her, but unless her dad’s the Invisible Man, I’mbetting that’s a load of crap.”

“Soyou’re having us fly awayfromHill,” Sam says slowly, “because … what?”

Tonyfalls into the two seats next to Bruce. “Because I want answers andI’m pretty sure she’smore likely to give them to us than Hill is.”

Bruceand Tony get into a fight over what, exactly, constitutes akidnapping, while Steve makes himself comfortable on the floor nextto Jemma’s head. He’s pretty sure Tony’s wrong - about thedefinition of kidnapping andJemma giving them answers. She just got out of HYDRA’s worstinterrogation cell and she still had the wherewithal to make Bruce Banneragree he was lying about his own name; she’s not gonna be easy.

.

.

Steve’sright. The next day - after her system’s clear of HYDRA’s drugs,the cast on her wrist is dry, and they’re all settled in at thewest coast base (aka the underground bunker Tony built out of theremains of his mansion after he got it blown up) - Jemma wakes up,realizes her doctor really is Bruce Banner, and promptly shuts hermouth. Tony cajoles, he threatens, he begs, but there doesn’t seemto be a damn thing he can say to get her to talk. It’s hilarious.

Steve’stempted to let it keep going - they’ve got popcorn and the securityfeed up on the big screen - but once people start placing bets, it’sgone a little too far.

“Okay,okay. I’m going in.”

There’sa lot of yelling - a surprising amount of it from Natasha - and evenmore popcorn thrown at him, but he’s not backing down. They’rethe Avengers, they don’t kidnap people, and despite Tony’sattempts this is looking more and more like a kidnapping - or atleast an unlawful detainment - every second. He snags an unopenedwater bottle on his way out of the lounge and jogs down the long hallto Jemma’s room.

“-allthe alien technology you can study! Seriously! I know Thor.”Tony’s latest line of attack is a good one - assuming Jemma reallyis a scientist like her HYDRA file says.

Steve’sbeen looking over it the last few hours. Far as he can tell, shedidn’t exist prior to six months ago when she started working intheir bioweapons division. Since then, she’s been an exemplaryemployee, even saving a superior’s life while on a field missionlast month. (What a lab rat was doing in the field, the file failedto say.) There’s some sketchy evidence linking her to a data leak,but it could just as easily lead to another branch of HYDRA as to areal enemy. They really have no idea who this woman is.

“Hey,”Steve says, stopping just inside the doorway. “You wanna give us aminute?”

“No,”Tony gripes. He steps up close so they can speak without beingoverheard. Steve keeps his eyes on Jemma, who looks worryingly smallin the oversized bed. “You think you can get her to talk?”

“Shehasn’t said a word in hours. Ten bucks says I can get her sayingwhole sentences in ten minutes.”

“Fiftyand five minutes.”

“Done.”

Tonyslaps Steve’s shoulder on his way out.

Stevegives Jemma a pained smile as the door swings shut and then grabs astool from the wall to bring it over to her. “So. I get that thisis … weird. You get captured by HYDRA, then you get saved by theAvengers, and now you’re in our secret base. Weird.”

Jemma’slooking him up and down warily, so he takes his time about pullinghis phone from his back pocket.

Heholds it out to her. “Here. You wanna call someone, go ahead.”

Shewants to. She’s temptedto, but slowly she shakes her head. Her eyes stay on the phone untilhe sets it on her bedside table.

“It’sright there if you change your mind. Water?”

Thistime she accepts, taking slow sips from the bottle. Steve’s beenthere. Even with the fluids Bruce has got her on to replenish whatshe’s lost, she wants that visceral feeling of drinking. She needsit or she’s never gonna feel normal in her own skin again, so helets the time tick by until she lowers the bottle to her lap andrecaps it.

“Let’sstart over,” he says. He holds out his hand. “Steve Rogers.”

Shestares - at him, at his hand, and then at the wall on her left.

“Canyou talk?” he asks, pitching his voice to sound worried. “Youneed me to call Bruce back-”

“Ican speak,” she says and Steve does a mental victory lap. He wisheshe could hear Tony cursing.

“Butyou’re not?”

Sheshakes her head, back to the nonverbal.

“Youwanna tell me why?”

Shesighs heavily and, when she speaks, sounds like she’s quoting amanual - or a lecture. “I am not legally allowed to be in the sameroom as any member of the group codenamed ‘the Avengers,’ nor amI allowed to communicate with any of them.”

That’sa new one. “Well now I gotta know why.”

Asmile tugs at her lips but they’re shut tight - tighter,if he had to guess.

“Allright. Plenty of time for that later. You were a SHIELD agent, right?Loyal?” He tries to sound uninterested in the answer but whatlittle residual anger he still feels over that day doesn’t seem toaffect her. She goes far away, her eyes haunted.

“Yes,”she says. And then she does the damnedest thing: she smiles.Steve doesn’t know what to make of it.

Henods, trying to get the conversation back on track. “Yeah, Mariasaid you were.”

Jemma’seyes snap to him, all at once back in the moment. “M-Maria…?”

“Hill,yeah. She was very interested to know whether we’d gotten you outof there safely.”

“Oh.”She doesn’t seem too happy about that. “You were sent … forme?”

“That’swhat we’re trying to figure out. Maria wants us to bring you backto New York yesterday.We’re a little more interested in the why.”

.

.

.

.

Aaaaaand then there would’ve been some fun with the Avengers figuring out that SHIELD is still going but Fury’s not in charge and Jemma trying her darndest to not let them in on the Coulson secret and of course some Jemma/Steve happening. But it was not meant to be, sadly.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

2:59pm.

Still annoyed at the dude attacking me yesterday night.

That was very "Oblivion by Grimes" of him.

Wait..... shit, thats fucked up, and unrelated. I wasn't sexually assaulted. Just some cunt asshole showed up to release me from my shift, higher than a kite and with a bad attitude off the bat.

He got offended that I didn't immediately know he was releasing me, when nobody told me an entirely different person than before would release me. (Hell, the night before I literally had been at work an additional hour and a half thanks to my boss never realizing that he NEVER got someone else to take on the shift after me.... And of course, the weekend before was when a woman came in with no idea or training of the job whatsoever.)

Then the dude kept finding ways to be aggravated for no fucking reason, calling me stupid, this and that.... Long story short, bad things happened.

May or may not have a job, but I won't know, since my boss hasn't informed me of anything. I texted him after the scuffle happened. And no response was made.

The dude threatened to call the cops last night, but the police don't do shit around here. And even so, it's kind of hard to make yourself look good when you show up to work, reeking of marijuana, as well as going out of your way to insult and belittle/mock/refuse to communicate with the young woman working at the job.

Way to make a girl feel unsafe at night, dude.

Anyway, my mom let me know that sure I could've avoided what was done, but still, he was high and obviously aggressive to me.

No grown man should feel the need to insult and corner a young woman at work like that. Jesus christ.

I wanna take my mind off of it, but I can't. I feel guilty, yknow?

I guess even if charges got pressed, I'd probably want to do community service or something. I technically already have done that before, by choice. If a punishment for what i did has to be doled out, then i imagine that helping others out would be much better.

Or probation, if necessary.

But once again, cops wont do shit. And if I get fired, that'll suck, since it was an easy job and everyone else there liked me. Even the annoying ones or the perverts were still polite about it. I was in such a good mood! I didn't just do the end of my shift like, "Ooh yeah, lets fight a grown man today."

If my boss does go "you're a well put together girl and you do a good job, you can stay", then, amen.

And if I must find a new job.... Fine. I'll probably be okay, finding another desk job for me.

I just gotta take my mind off of it. I hate when that happens. I might wanna get back into therapy, if possible. I just get so annoyed with the shitty app, and struggle to get one online. Plus, not in the mood to Uber all the way across town to the dirtiest hospital ever and request a psychologist.

The coronavirus also is a factor; I recall hacking my lungs out a week ago, and Patrick was saying I should see a doctor.

But, the hospital had notifications that everyone who potentially has cough or flu symptoms needs to call and describe their symptoms, and cannot come to the hospital, and whatnot......

I hate phone calls. Anxiety when I have them with strangers...... So, I never went.

I'm okay, physically. Mentally? Eugh. Shush.

Anyway, I just wanted a peaceful week, and it failed.

I guess all I can do is hope for the best.

....

I wanted to just go home that night, shower, light some candles, drink maybe the smallest cup of wine, and then sleep in, so that I can wake up the next day ready to deep clean my room and feel fucking great.

But instead, that night, I went home, annoyed as hell, showered, prayed as much ad possible, lit some candles, told my mother everything, proceeded to be told by my mother that nothing would even happen since the cops here are useless and i was im the right, drink a looot of wine, and then wake up feeling anxious.

....

I have no idea if anyone knows what went down.

My boss said nothing. Neither did my agency. So..... who knows?

And plus, even if he didnt call the cops last night, he could still file a report at any time....

The cameras barely work at my job, but the one at my desk does..... Idk if they save footage.

Anyway.

Things to remember:

I wanted to quit that job anyway.

Mans was being obnoxious, hostile, and dangerous. Therefore, fuck that guy.

There's more than one good job that exists.

I am still a good person, and always want to do better.

I wouldn't go out of my way to hurt anyone, unless they were a legitimate threat. And if not before, definitely last night.

God, I was already thinking about the Patrick situation and trying to aim to be a more gentle, feminine, and overall less aggressive or potentially intimidating person to those who upset me.

But, doesn't mean I was gonna be that stoner's punching bag for his issues last night.....

Life goes on. Sigh.

I had a list of tasks to do, but my bulletin board fell down behind my dresser... and to get to it, i have to climb the Mt Everest amount of bullshit in my room..... to receive the list of steps for HOW to remove all my hoarded junk and messy disheveled items.

Which is exhausting to even imagine. But, thats the inner procrastinator in me talking.

Which seems better: a room full of bullshit, or a pretty place to rest and read books, hang up dresses, and store my shoes?

Let's get to it.