#Waking up and going Idont like it but whatever Have it <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[frogadir]

We're letting go of something we never had

Time goes so fast, heaven is lost

[bothcreativitybois]

TMST Chapter 9

You thought I was gone! You thought I forgot about this! ...Well you were a little right. But everything is back on track now which means it's time for more of our boys. Sorry it's been so long. Ao3 link Wordcount: 2657 Ship: Intruality TWs: Swearing, sexual refrences, bottling emotions. Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Taglist: @crazydemigod666 @star-crossed-shipper @newtnotfound @3amthebitchinghour @idont-freaking-know @someoneiwasnt @crownofrats @the-sympathetic-villain @cute-and-angsty-princess @lonelymuffin @bloodyjay-0666 @im-an-anxious-wreck @fantasticallytired @obsessive-fallen-angel

To say it was awkward for Patton the next morning, waking up to Remus’ arms around him, would be an understatement. But that awkwardness was not alone, Patton felt trapped in an oven of emotions. Fear, comfort, worry, vulnerability, peace, trust, modesty, relief, all shooting around his body and threatening to knock him out of the bed. He’d never had a one night stand but imagined this might be what it was like. He tried to focus on what to do next. He could try to get up and leave without waking Remus, it wouldn’t solve the situation but it would save him from the awkwardness about to happen, or he could wake up Remus and face it now. Unsurprisingly Patton chose the first option. He carefully picked up Remus’ arm from on top of him, watching his face for any sign of waking up. Patton slowly put Remus’ arm back down on the bed beside him. He let go of the arm and sighed. He wished Remus had woken up first, he was actually brave and probably would face Patton. He stood and ran a hand through his hair. As Patton walked over to the bathroom he heard a loud ringing come from the bed. He quickly turned and locked eyes with Remus as he woke up. Remus began fumbling around for his phone. Patton quickly darted into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. He leant against the door and tried to calm down enough to hear what was happening. Remus eventually found his phone amongst the blankets and slid off the alarm. He saw he had a few hurried messages from Janus.

Janny Fanny at 10:15: “Did Patton get home yet?”

Janny Fanny at 10:44: “I’m pretty sure he isn’t coming home dude.”

Janny Fanny at 11:03: “If you’re fucking Patton can you at least tell me you won’t be home?”

Janny Fanny at 7:56: “Did you really spend the night there?”

Janny Fanny at 8:00: “Are you okay?!”

Janny Fanny at 8:08: “Remus this isn’t funny! Please tell me you’re okay!”

Janny Fanny: at 8:19: “Virgil is worried! Call him please!”

Janny Fanny at 8:24: “Please Remus!! Virgil is freaking out!!”

Remus quickly called Janus who answered immediately. “Remus what the fuck?!” Janus said as soon as he picked up. “Are you okay? Where are you?” Remus could hear the worry in his friend’s voice. It wasn’t unusual for him to not come home but it was for him not to send some kind of message to anyone. He looked over to the door Patton was hiding behind. “Geez, Jan. Calm your tits.” Remus replied calmly. “I got home late and left early to help my folks gather some sheep that fucked off last night.” Remus lied. He wasn’t embarrassed, if anything it felt… right. But it was clear Patton was embarrassed with whatever happened. “I know you’re lying. Just get home from wherever you are so we can finish the paint job at the bakery.” Janus said before hanging up. Remus threw his phone down and rubbed his face. He didn’t want Patton to be upset, the whole point of him staying was so he wouldn’t be. But now he was. Remus stood up and walked over to the door. “Are you okay, Patty Cake?” He asked softly through the door. Patton jumped away in fear. He didn’t respond, he didn’t know how to. “I’m sorry I didn’t leave, when you asked me to stay and I just assumed you meant for the night.” Remus tried to reason. Patton felt bad for reacting how he did. He was just scared. Remus leaned against the door. “Please talk to me.” Patton wanted to, but he didn’t know what to say. Remus waited for another minute before pushing away. “I’m leavin’. I’ll be back in a few with Janus. We’ll just pretend this didn’t happen.” That wasn’t what Patton wanted. He didn’t regret what happened, not at all. He just didn’t know what to do. Patton looked in the mirror and tried to gather the strength to face Remus. He went over and flung open the door, but it was too late. Remus had left already.

About half an hour later Remus’ truck pulled up outside again. Patton watched out the window as Janus and Remus got out and walked towards the bakery. He could only just hear them talking, the words were muffled so he leaned forward to try and hear more. “I didn’t tell them, Virgil did!” Janus defended as he closed the door of the green truck. “Yeah, you just told Virgil I was fucking Patton, who then told my twin.” Remus protested. “Well last I heard you were waiting for him to get home, you didn’t come home and didn’t respond to any messages, and with your reputation it wasn’t that much of a stretch to assume.” Janus argued. “Besides, it’s not like you’re telling us where you actually were.” “It’s none of your fucking business.” Remus hissed back. “And you’re the reason my twin is coming for my neck so why would I tell you?” Remus flung open the door and entered the bakery. Patton couldn’t hear their conversation anymore. This whole situation was wrecking Patton. He felt guilty for worrying everyone and causing issues for Remus, he felt confused about what this all meant for him and Remus. He had just started accepting he had feelings for Remus, but how could he even imagine telling him now? Patton paced anxiously around his house, stuck in his own head. He had to focus on something else. He plucked out three ingredients and set the oven to preheat. Whenever he was stressed he would bake, it was like second nature. Something easy and clear he could focus on. Never anything fancy, just simple little recipes he’d made a thousand times. Just like this. Quick three ingredient scones. He dumped in the flour and butter and began mixing by squeezing them in his hands. He kept doing this until the mixture became almost like breadcrumbs, then he made a small well in the middle and poured in the milk. He twirled a wooden spoon in his hands before stabbing it into the bowl. With fluid flicks of his wrist he folded the contents into a soft and light dough. It needed something. He threw open a cabinet and danced his fingers along the different jars. He let his emotions surge through his hand and take out a few different ingredients. A pinch of cayenne, a dash of oregano and rocket, a generous amount of parmesan. He floured the bench and smacked the dough onto it. He folded the dough in his hands again and again. Pressing, rolling, squeezing, kneading. He took out a glass and began cutting out circles of dough and placed them on a tray before shoving them all into the oven. After a few minutes the smell of herbs filled the apartment and wafted down to the bakery, cutting through the various fumes. It made Remus’ stomach cramp as he painted varnish across a wooden table. Even Janus stopped for a moment when it reached him. “Can you go ask your boyfriend if we can have some?” Janus asked, going back to his painting. Remus scoffed. “Don’t.” He said in an annoyed tone. "You didn’t have dinner last night and you haven’t eaten today.” Janus reminded him. Remus rolled his eyes. Patton hadn’t come down to greet them like usual and Remus wasn’t going up there if he wasn’t wanted. “I’ll be fine.” Remus defended. Janus took off the mask covering his nose and mouth and turned to Remus. He looked over at him, taking in his annoyed face and tired eyes. “It wasn’t a hook-up.” Janus said. “Or if it was, it didn’t go well.” “I already said I didn’t want to talk about it.” Remus interrupted. Janus placed down his spraycan. “Okay. Bottle it up until you push him away and he hates you.” Janus argued. “That sounds like a great plan. I mean it worked well with Roman.” The bell above the door chimed. “What about Roman?” Roman asked as they walked in. Remus shot a poisonous look at Janus. Neither man said anything. Roman gave them a stare that could cut through burnt bread. “Really?” Both men shrugged and returned to their work. Roman walked over to Remus and pulled him up by his ear. “Ow! It was Janus who said it!” Remus shouted. “What happened last night?” Roman asked. Remus’ face fell. “I told you it wasn’t a good idea! If you hurt the poor thing I

swear I’ll throw you off the roof again.” Remus looked around and sighed while slipping off his gloves. He pulled Roman outside so Janus couldn’t hear them.

But Patton could.

“We didn’t hook up, alright?” Patton heard Remus say outside his window. He looked out to see the twins talking. He needed something to focus on while the scones cooked so he listened. Besides, they seemed to be talking about him anyway. “We all know you were here last night.” Roman crossed their arms. Remus ran a hand through his hair. He remembered how embarrassed Patton was earlier. “Look even if we did it’s none of ya business!” Remus snapped. “We’re adults, we can do what we want. If I wanted to, I could go up there right now and make out until we couldn’t breathe!” Patton blushed at the thought. “Look, Remus I jus-” Roman started but was quickly cut off. “You said yourself that it seemed I really liked the guy! You think I’d ruin somethin’ like that with a fling?” Remus pressed. Patton covered his mouth and backed away from the window. He felt like he just heard something he shouldn’t have. The conversation continued without Patton listening. “I’m not a kid anymore! I can make my own damn choices and keep them to my own damn discretion!” Remus huffed. Roman took a moment to process but was largely unshaken by Remus’ outburst. They’d dealt with them for 28 years. “So was that little rant meant to convince me you didn’t sleep together?” Roman asked. Remus groaned in frustration so Roman put a hand on his shoulder. Remus shook it off. “You don’t get it! I don’t need you three hoverin’ over my love life! Have you considered there’s a reason I’m not tellin’ ya?!” Remus flung an arm up towards Patton’s apartment angrily. “I’m not the only one involved!” Roman looked up at the apartment then back down at their twin. His face contorted with anger. Roman sighed. “Alright. We’ll stop bugging you.” Roman finally gave in. Remus was surprised. It wasn’t like them to actually agree with him. “But please, don’t hold it all in. If something not good does happen then please come to one of us.” Roman put their hands on Remus’ arms, his shoulders slacked. He nodded slightly.

Patton pulled the scones out of the oven as his head spun. Remus had feelings for him. He began picking up scones and cutting them in half, hands used to the heat of fresh made goods. He didn’t know how to process the information he’d just learned. He felt… bad. He forced Remus to stay over, keep it a secret, then invaded his privacy. He felt like a terrible person. Only terrible people would do that stuff. And to make it worse he was giving Remus the cold shoulder. After everything Remus was doing for him he was just ignoring him because of his own stupid mistakes. Maybe not mistakes, he did enjoy being with Remus last night. So why did he feel bad about it? Patton placed down the last scone and looked over them. He had someone wanting him to feel better so much that they held him all night. Remus had done it by choice. He shouldn’t feel bad. Patton buttered a few of the scones and put them on a plate. He pushed down his feelings and walked down to the bakery. He put on a smile as he pushed open the back door. “Anyone need a snack?” Patton greeted warmly. He walked over to them. “Remus, I can’t see what he has but eat one.” Janus said without looking away from his painting. Patton walked over to Remus who shyly plucked one of the scones off of the plate. Patton wasn’t used to him being so timid. “Thanks for helping me last night.” Patton said. Everyone turned to him. Remus blushed slightly. “I was a mess and it meant a lot that you stayed.” Remus’ small smile dissolved any and all guilt Patton was feeling. He leant forward and gave Remus a one armed hug while holding the plate in the other. Remus gripped Patton tightly. After everything that happened he was so scared he had lost Patton. The hug lingered a little too long. Roman cleared their throat and the two men separated. “Remus. Eat.” Janus shouted from the ladder. Remus quickly took a bite of the scone. It was fluffy and flavorful. He’d tried to make scones in the past but they never turned out good. This… this was amazing. He looked over to where Roman was also taking a bite. “Patty Cake, you have to give me this recipe!” Remus enthused. Patton blushed. He was usually okay with Remus complimenting his baking, he was making stuff to sell and therefore impress anyway, but this wasn’t something he’d considered good. Just some stress baking. “Uh it’s just a simple scone. Flour butter and milk.” Patton said shyly. Remus swallowed the rest of the scone nearly whole and grabbed another. “I make them nearly every day for the bakery, I can show you next time I make them. You’ll probably love kneading the dough.” Patton walked across the room to offer a scone to Janus. Remus watched. “Yeah.” He mumbled. “Or maybe I’ll just have to come in every day and buy out your whole stock.” Patton giggled and Remus couldn’t help but stare. From Patton’s slightly pink cheeks to the little dimple on his chin. Had he always been so beautiful? He felt like running up and kissing Patton right then and there but he held himself back. Something had changed. Maybe it was seeing Patton so vulnerable, or maybe the way his heart raced as Patton wrapped around him in that bed or even the threat of losing him. His feelings were getting louder, his fantasies were getting stronger, he struggled to hold himself together. It felt like a sugar rush as he stood up and grabbed Patton’s hand. “Patton…” Remus said aimlessly but with a sense of urgency. Patton was dizzy just from Remus touching his hand. He looked up at the taller man. His eyes focused on Remus’ jaw, he couldn’t help but think of how it would feel to have that stubble brush against his face. Roman and Janus both froze and watched. Remus wasn’t sure what to say. He just wanted to stare at Patton’s face forever. He looked slightly behind Patton and remembered that Janus and Roman were both still in the room. “Uh we… Valentine’s Day… us.” Remus eventually managed. Patton lit up. “Oh right I didn’t tell you what time to be here for the class.” Patton interpreted as he pulled away from Remus to get a piece of paper. Remus could barely

breathe, Patton was clueless to the state he was in. And the fact Remus was trying to ask him on a date. “It starts at five thirty so I need you here at five to help set up. Is that okay?” Remus glanced at Roman who was enjoying the whole scene with a smug smile. “Yeah. Perfect.” Remus sighed as he sat back down next to his twin. Roman raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t.”

[brothalynchhung]

2019 overview.

this year.. was fucking two years in one. also a little late again but whatever. this is going to be long as FUCK. 

started 2019 in dubai

spent the first couple of days in Dubai on the beach

YOOO AS AM WRITING THAT IT FEELS SO FUCKING LONG AGO HOLLYY SHITT

went to London and just fucked around dt and chinatown lost that damn snake ring fml

I got drunk eating dumplings watching Jeffrey star in that bed LMFAOOOYOO LMFAOOOOOEGJEORIGHSREUG

got back to Ottawa and it was straight GRIND from the get go

back to my last semester of uni 

back to club m (omg.. I miss:( kinda lol)

started that govt job

back to social media marketing for Dubai

3 jobs + school basically

did that dumbass STUPID FUCKING govt job all the way in quebec that I woke up for and travelled for everyday 

would go straight to gym, work again, or school fml

wasn't entirely bad I kinda needed it cuz I applied to a million jobs during that time and did school work LMAO also printed a lot of important shit and got paid so whatever

CAME TO TORONTO IN MARCH W TRAND OMG I FORGOT THAT WAS 2019

SAW VINCE STAPLES!!

AND The fortune teller who like prophisized all this shit goddddd 

iconic if I must say

little did I know...

I miss movati fml lol

working at club Monaco omg ugh they gave me life honestly

fun times w trang cc precious Courtney mich JACK Amanda Raman donia even tho she annoying lol and whoever else I worked w jana jil Daria honestly I just miss Courtney LMFAO uhh jenn was cool too 

I'm never going to forget that place I swear to god I have so much loyalty and pride for my memories for that place im never going to take my experience there for

chilling with avid Vinny and like Alex a bit LMAO he would randomly ask to chill it was weird

that Chinese dinner and chat time thing in his car WHAT WAS THATTT

chilling like a scrub a cu with hector and that crew goddLMAO

avin vin rideau gang

visiting avid at nordstorm the Rui girl and Herman lol he was sofunny

MY BODY IS FOR ME NOT THESE BITCHES LMFAOO 

last class with strangle omg he was iconic honestly 

trang pargol fidede zainab mannnn honestly shoutout old Ottawa friends 

xinyii!! and jelly!! my last times with them

I miss Xinyi so much :( im so happy I got to see her before leaving she was so nice I wish her so much success 

remember working those last shifts at cm like.. yo I feel like things are going to change and my days are numbered.. I feel it. 

did interview after interview, applying EVERYDAY to escape 

the amount of focusing I did on applying around feb and April like I was just focused on working and getting out of there

did two interviews in like 2 hours always on the go always moving always working 

and then like clockwork.. at the govt job.. went to the bathroom knew? to bring my phone with me.. and then right when I left I got a call from mk went into that empty conference room and got the offer. cried. accepted. life changing

I honestly just left that place... went to cm and just.. resigned... put my two weeks in...

and it happened literally in my last week of the govt job..

like fate 

immediately went home told cc precious fam 

fam weren't happy 

BUT I FINALLY ESCAPED!!!! LOOKING BACK ON THIS BLOG AND EVERYTHING I FINALLY F I N A L L Y GOT OUT OF THERE THE BITCH ASS CURSED SHIT CITY NEVER GOING BACKEGIUEHGEIRUGH 

shout out precious for helping me honestly he helped so much 

found my place through hmida who held it down

that whole condo scenario LOL godddd my landlord a HOE

met zgy gvy at precious while I crashed a night

THE MILLIONS OF RIDESHARESSS GOODDDDDD

remember the one I took last minute from Yorkdale LMAO that one wasn't bad honestly I slept good

moving my things packaging them up. like yo.. lol

bringing the boxes from shoppers godddd LOL 

finally landed in Toronto with my place

waiting outside for 5 hours for my damn keys crazy with my suitcase lol... 

THEN FINALLY GOT TO MY FIRST PLACE!! MY FIRST RENTAL CONDO ALL ON MY OWN NO ROOMATES JUST ME

unpacking my things

like just finally having my own place mannn that was my dream for such a long ass time

getting around dt a bit getting used to tdot... 

crazy exciting 

then... 3 days in..

...

met that bitch that fucked me up 

met everything I ever wanted in a person? physically and interest wise and yet?

nothing? 

SO CONFUSED I MET SOMEONE WITH EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WANTED

first hookup? lost v? 

new city new job new life new home lost v new everything

in 3 days. 

my life crazy..

spent the whole time like until October till low-key NOW just thinking about it bitterly 

my feelings up and down I was drowning in obsession and confusion

I know I fucked it up but it was fucked up since the beginning

shook everything about what I thought I wanted in gl or a person

standards are definitely raised and all men trash and hoes Idgaf

I feel nothing towards nobody

my whole mind switched to money and power. 

gl I love you but you're not here and we got a lot growing to do so imma see ya ass in a couple of years 

anyways started working at mk!!! craziest 3 month probation thing I had 

HOWWW DID I DOOOO ITTTTTTT 

met so much people... holy shit.. zgy,gvy,hailey,gab,aisha,priya,rach,lisa,alex,DANIA, goddddd

clubbing.. mon., thurs... weekenddd... wake up... 8:30 work

how did I do it.... fuck lol

met a lot of hoes.. fucked with Sunday once more before he died bye bitch ass hoe.. Leo, sleeve, uhhh that's it I think actually

CABANNNAAAA

OMG I SAW SEAN PAUL LIVE ICONICC YOO THIS FUCKING YEAR LMFAOOOOO

omg YEAH I SAW NCT IN MY FIRST WEEK OF TO WITH PARGOL LMFAOOO YOOOOO

damn this year was crazy I keep forgetting shit

all the weird ass ppl I met at cabana omg the humber guy YOO THE ASIAN GUY WITH MY KEYS LMFAOOO ZGY FUCKLMFGIESH

omg tsf lmao and like yeah all the clubbing ppl in to fuck 

half and half like didnnt know if I liked it or not but it was crazy

still think about that Frans night the damn milkshake and food omggg

just spent summer exploring to trinity Bellwoods ossington like summer stories clubbing stories

managing my double life lol

SPIDERMAN OBSESSION LMAOOOO TO DISTRACT MY MIND FROM THAT BITCH ASS HOE LMFAOOFREJGIEURHSTESUIH THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAS A WHOLE WIFE AND BABY YOOO LMFAOOO

good distraction made work fun when I needed it during my last months of probation LMAO

omg going home during lunch and then back to work ICONIC

leaving the girls at my place and coming back for lunch LMAOOO god really iconic honestly showering and going back to work sleeping hoeing all that LMFAO 

omg the time I left Leo at my place YOO LMAO

still have that expensive ass sweater LMFAO WAT A SIMP

those drunk texts he sent Me in august and I punked him off LMFAOO 😩😂

men trash 

darren Chris rob goddd all those damn ppl I met the one guy who saved me during that blacTHE BLACKOUT CABANNA NIGHT GOD THAT WAS A MESS LMAO TITTIES OUT EVERYTHING but yeah he was low key useless I forget his name highboy but whatever

YOOO THAT GIRLS TITTIES I SLEPT ON NGEIRGHEUHUE ICONIC

I got catfishes twice 😩 the change bitch and the John bitch airehguerihserh FUCKKK LMFAO

AND THEN THE CHANG BITCH WAS TRYNA SAY OH U JSUT LOOK TO ARAB THATS WHY WE HAVNET TALKED AGAINL IKE BITCHHHHH FIRST OF ALL UR A WHOLE CATFISHFHERGUERBKSHETERU AHERUIGESRUYR LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

and then I catfish Sunday to punk him off for revenge and call him a thot and thought he was talking about me for catfish when it was just about another bitch he was hoeing with cuz he a hoe.. Jesus my life wild

SO MUCH SHIT THIS SUMMER UHERGHSREG

gained weight fml I don't even wanna mention it iDONT WANNA TALK

even if it is muscle I dDONT WANNT TALK ABOUT IT

the cabana pool jump... godd... walking home drunkregiuhersguhe fucK 

summer was crazy

nada and mama coming wow that was annoying I rlly can't do family even though I love them

getting high swimming the catfish racing munchies arguing with Alex LMAO 

eating out with Dania gab Lisa the normal ppl I met lool

a lot of stress of money and where I want to go I was in a hella rush idk why I think everything happening so fast made me not want to slow down at all but im finally slowing down 

priya end of the year rebel tiff stuff 

basically drowning in depress and regret around the end of summer cuz everything calmed down and I had the time to think and reflect about everything and yeah.. got super depressed

that bitch cc and her bullshit yo just fucking go bye

notice how there's like no memories with her like yeah there was but they were just annoying cuz she was annoying highkey

thanks for bringing my shit from Ottawa tho dumbass LOL eat a dick

THE HOT TUBBBB SUMMERSSS AND SUMMER NIGHTS 

omg all my emo ass walks at night to the port and water and trillium park in the morning aiohreughresehre writing with my journal god that was actually nice tho 

super peaceful so happy to live near the water highkey

always in between losing myself who am I what do I do now who am I like did I lost myself did I ever have myself

major existential crisis

how did I survive work god 

musicmusiscmusicccc

moviesmovesmoves

readreadread

actually I had a lot of night walking home from the club sad

omg remember the ovo guy fucking loser liar 

as usualllll 

RECORDRESCORSDCRECORDDSSS SO MANY TDOT IS PERFECTT

ugh what else fuck too much shit happened OH YEAH

my birthday with the girls and the bbq!! the cake!! omg so nice :((( so funny lol

that weirdo ass man that I still see in the gym sometimes god help me lol 

passing my probation!!!! and then like finally fitting in and feeling apart of mk and the “family” lol

CLARK KENT AND SCOTTISH MANS MAKING MY LIFE EVRYDAYYYYYugh love them

got a moomin from Scottish mans 🥺 love him

anyways got depressed drowning in obsession.. nothing surprising there 🙄 

got high and drunk like bottom of the barrel... 

right before pargol came LMAO 

oh yeah I went to Ottawa because yo I was going out of my mind about losing myself.. needed to go BACK to the place I hated to find myself

went back and it was like??? everything was the same.. still saw vin and avid and Herman at Rideau still had bbt with them 

still fucking around hector and that whole crew had Ivan his girl moe.. ribal..Kyle YO lol that weird ass club experience AS USUAL Ottawa clubs trash god

apple picking same year in a row wit z <3 and hamza and fams lol

saw the kids and got to be stupid again loool 

anyways came back to my actual life

like it just felt weird knowing that the place I had all my memories and experiences in like.. felt nothing

even the forest felt weird like I didn't need to be there anymore?

as much as tried to drown myself in obsession and my past and bad habits.. I couldn't?

im being forced to move forward and learned Sunday was the last experience it was just eye opening

after the emotional shit I sat down again and had a whole purging 

I never felt that bad and horrible and drowned in obsession since raglan..

like.. deleted the hidden pictures... the feeling.. like I've done this before...

that was the final straw..

you think its over just because I am dead but its not over..the games just begun.

never again. 

anyways I met Aisha!!! love her vibe with her heavy

introduceed me to the sugar shit YOOOO LMFAOOO

THEN WE STARTING PIMPIN AND MAKING EXTRA MONEY

NO MORE MONEY STRUGGLE 

GOT FUCKED OVER HEART TURNED COLD NOW WE FOCUSING ON MONEY CAREER POWER PLAYING THESE HOES FOR THEY MONEY AND RECLAIMING MYSELF 

weird ass fucking people but get the money and go 

stack up crazy and saving up this past few months 

and just chilling w friends and therapy sessions

scheming and planning for the future

therapy sessions

got close with Lisa

oh yeah BOLO!! UGH BEST GYM

ALSO OMG I FORGOT I SAW BROCKHAMPTON AGAIN!!! AND SOMEHOW GOT TO THE BARRIER AND LITERALLY HAD SO MUCH INTERACTION WITH KEVIN LIKE SINGING TOGETHER AND THEN HE CAME DOWN SAID I GOTCHU AND TOOK TWO PICS WITH ME FUCKGIERGEIUTHSEUH THAT WAS INSANEEE MY LIFE WILDDDD 

iconic holiday party and New Years with again like random weird ppl and my girls exemplifying how wild and fresh the whole experience of this year was 

at least I be waking up warm and clean in MY PLACEby myself with no bullshit 

just like.. got a new place new job new city basically live the life I always wanted? reading movies? new friends no problems? wtf how my life change so quick

new interesting experiences

getting drunk high dancing at my place out in these streets just meeting bare people all these new people and experiences holy shit... 

and like yeah im not where I want to be but this progress and process is FUN now 

everything a strategy and a move and love staying busy 

wish I had more free time tho I never feel rested my life fucking crazy LOOL

that weirdo bitch who thought he was dating me UGHHH BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL JUST FOR A CAR AND FOOD BITCHARE U CRAZY 

power trip crazy im so sorry jfc 

anyways block and move on

met Chris and we still talking for like 3 months in a row god... lol gunna see him Saturday idk was the HALE going on 

im like surrounded by hoes???? and I don't want it GOD I JUST BEEN FOCUSING ON ME AND MONEYFUCK EVERYONE ELSE 

idek what else maybe im missing shit but this whole year wild best year of MY LIFE though

idk what the fuck gunna happen in 2020 cuz my split lives and the chaos and playing hoes and always thinking about opportunity and abundance and money got my mind and moves all wrapped in strategy but we only ONNLY ONLYYY GOING UP from here no excuses lets fucking go I always say this but 2019 was fucking wild and you know what.. lets fucking go 2020 LETS FUCKING GO as long as I don't gain weight LMFAO lets fucking GO. money and power on my mind exclusively. gl imma see you in 2 years. focusing on bigger things but at least im OUT HERE and ESCAPED and we onLY ATTRACTING AND MANIFESTING ABUNDANCE