#Wait wait so that means that the day that i had a strong rage outburst was the real day that i saw this story (december 23) that's weird

[sadnymi]

August p2

[Mattheo riddle x reader] [part-one]

Summary: all y/n wanted is to love and to be loved to see the beauty of the world and to be happy even if that's mean she will have to hide away, until that summer the summer she talked to mattheo riddle.

Words: 9k

Warnings:, Angst , fluff, strong language, light smut.

It was like I found myself in the middle—I couldn't go back to what I was and I still couldn't move forward. There was only one thing on my mind: anger, anger, anger, anger.

My thoughts broke as I heard Professor Snape assigning us to pairs for a dueling exercise. I lifted my head from my book and found a pair of green eyes on me—Betty. She was watching me so intently that she didn’t notice I saw her staring. When she realized, she shook her head and looked away, her hands trembling.

"Miss Y/L/N," Professor Snape called my name, and I got up, walking to stand behind him, waiting for him to call the other student I would have to duel.

"And. Riddle, come please," Professor Snape said.

My expression remained unchanged, though my heart felt like it was about to leap out of my chest. My anxiety was high, my blood pressure rising, and the anger—the endless anger—but I stayed calm, looking unbothered, like a frozen child. It was an art I was well-versed in, thanks to my father.

Everyone gasped and couldn't stop talking. I looked up to meet his brown eyes, the eyes I told myself I hated every day to remind myself of their betrayal.

I didn’t look away. I met his gaze head-on, staring straight into his eyes as if trying to pierce his soul. He didn't deserve my avoidance; he deserved to feel my anger.

Professor Snape spoke—at least I guess he did—but my mind was elsewhere. All I could think about was anger and anger and anger, water drops and brown eyes, betrayal.

Mattheo stepped back, taking his place, and I did the same. I raised my wand, but he kept his lowered. I looked him in the eyes and cast the first spell. He dodged it but didn’t fight back. He wasn’t trying to fight.

My anger grew. I moved faster, casting spells more quickly and aggressively. He kept dodging but never retaliated.

I could see the way Professor Snape looked at him, and the way Mattheo’s friends called out to him, urging him to defend himself. But he didn’t. He just kept dodging, fueling my rage.

"Fight back, you fucking coward!" I yelled, angry, but he didn’t.

With a swift flick of my wand, I disarmed him, sending his wand flying across the room. up in alarm as I advanced on him, faster and angrier. I hit him in the chest.

"Coward, fucking coward," I said. Professor Snape called my name, but I didn’t stop.

I hit him again. "Selfish, arrogant, deceitful," I continued, my words venomous.

Professor Snape finally pulled me away. "You always made everything about you, Riddle, didn’t you?" I screamed.

"Miss Y/L/N," Professor Snape began, his tone icy. "This behavior is unacceptable. You will serve detention for this outburst."

I glared at Mattheo. "Oh, believe me, I have nothing better to do,"

One of the students, a Slytherin boy named Mark, snickered and muttered loudly enough for everyone to hear, "Guess Riddle's got a soft spot for Backup girl."

I looked at him sharply. No—don’t—just go away—hide, Y/N, hide. Don’t let them see you. That’s enough. No.

I stepped forward, my voice steady. "Say it again, Mark."

He looked taken aback, but his bravado held. "I said, Riddle's got a soft spot for Backup girl."

"You know," I said, my voice cutting through the air, "I’ve been quiet, but not blind. And I didn’t have much to do this summer but sit at the beach and watch. And I watched a lot."

I turned to look at the faces around me, the same faces that had called me a slut, a whore, a homewrecker. They were all watching me now, some with curiosity, others with apprehension.

"I could say that one of you sitting there cheated on her boyfriend with all three of his friends, and they’re sitting right next to him right now. But I didn’t, did I? Should I?"

The room filled with gasps and whispers, eyes darting around to see who I was talking about.

"And I could say that one of you had a very interesting make-out session with his stepmother this summer. But I won’t do that." I paused, looking around. "Hint: he’s a Hufflepuff. Go with that. And wow, didn’t know you had that in you, if I’m being honest."

I saw more shock and outrage spread through the crowd, people trying to figure out who I meant. I continued, enjoying their discomfort.

"I could tell you that another one of you, who’s sitting there looking all innocent, spent the entire summer sneaking out at night to hook up with their best friend’s boyfriend. And yet another had an affair with their cousin’s fiancé, not caring about the wedding that was about to happen. Should I go on?"

The whispers grew louder, people trying to piece together the gossip. Professor Snape called my name again, more harshly this time, but I ignored him, taking a step back.

The room was buzzing now, everyone trying to figure out who the guilty parties were. I could see the fear and anger in their eyes.

"Maybe it’s time for everyone to stop judging others and take a good look at themselves. Maybe next time, you should think twice before you start throwing stones."

Professor Snape finally reached me, his hand gripping my arm tightly. "Enough, Miss Y/L/N. That’s quite enough, you will go to Professor Dumbledore’s office immediately."

"Of course, Professor."

I walked out, glaring at Mattheo on my way. There was a ghost of a smile on his face, and I wanted to smack it off. I wanted to say more, to hurt him, to make him feel the same agony tearing through my soul.

A week had passed, and the gossip had finally died down. The whispers and judgmental stares began to fade. The looks of disdain I received whenever I walked down the corridors diminished. It was as if everyone had finally moved on to the next scandal.

I was sitting alone under a tree in the courtyard, trying to read a book but barely absorbing the words. The shadow of someone approaching made me glance up. It was Enzo. He sat down next to me with a casual smile. "Hi, Y/N."

I didn't respond, keeping my eyes on the page.

"Okay, I get it. You hate me too now," he said, sighing dramatically.

I still didn't acknowledge him. He tried again, "Y/N, I’m—"

"Unwelcome," I cut him off sharply, closing my book with a snap. "Now leave."

He chuckled "Ouch, that stings. You know, that cold shoulder of yours is kinda cute," he said, leaning back on his hands. "I always did like a challenge."

I rolled my eyes but didn’t respond, unwilling to engage.

"I won't defend my brother. Even I didn't know it was a break. It seemed serious, and I really thought they broke up this time. Honestly, I wished they did."

I finally looked up at him, my expression guarded.

He continued,"Mattheo and Betty have known each other their entire lives. She was always there for him, and he for her. They faced the darkness of our world together, and I think somewhere along the way, the lines blurred between them. They hurt each other in ways no one else could. They always break up and then get back together within a week. It’s a fucked-up situation, and they keep running it into the ground, thinking they're saving it. Maybe they don't want to lose each other, but that isn’t love. It’s—"

"It doesn’t matter," I interrupted. "He knows, and that’s enough."

"I didn’t know it was just a break, but I was angry because I didn’t think he should get involved with someone else so soon after."

I glanced up, catching sight of Mattheo standing a short distance away, watching us. His eyes bore into mine, intense and filled with an emotion I couldn’t decipher. He then shifted his gaze to Enzo, and I felt a surge of tension, almost palpable in the air. Mattheo’s expression was a mix of anger and something deeper, more primal. His presence was overpowering, and for a moment, I felt heat creep up my neck.

Enzo sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be. But Mattheo... He’s not the villain in this story either. He’s complicated, broken even. And I can’t say what he did was right, but he’s— he’s not as heartless as you think there’s more ."

I glanced up again, and Mattheo was still watching us, his gaze burning.

"But he’s never been happier," Enzo finished, his words hanging in the air.

"Never been happier," Enzo repeated softly, his eyes searching mine. "It means something, doesn’t it? Despite everything, it means something."

"i have to go , but thanks Enzo," I said softly, walking away without looking back.

As I made my way toward the dormitory, I felt a presence behind me. My grip tightened on my bag, and I quickened my pace, hoping to outdistance whoever it was. But the footsteps behind me only grew louder and more determined.

Adrian Pucey appeared, sauntering over with that cocky grin Slytherins seem to be born with. "Well, well, if it isn’t the infamous Y/N Y/L/N," he said, falling into step beside me as I made my way to my dorm. "Mind if I join you?"

I didn’t answer, keeping my eyes forward, hoping he’d take the hint and leave me alone.

"Silent treatment, huh?" Adrian said with a chuckle, clearly not deterred. "You know, that only makes me more interested."

I sighed, quickening my pace slightly. "Go away, Pucey."

But of course, he didn’t. Slytherins never could take a hint. He leaned in a little closer, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "You know, I’ve always had a thing for girls who don’t care what anyone else thinks. You’ve certainly got everyone talking."

I ignored him, still refusing to look up.

"Come on, Y/N, don’t be like that," Adrian pressed, his tone light and teasing. "You’re just going to walk away and let me bore you? I thought you were more fun than that."

Finally, I lost my patience. I stopped dead in my tracks, spinning on my heel to face him. In one swift motion, I pulled out my wand and pressed it under his chin. "I said, go away."

Adrian didn’t flinch; in fact, his grin widened. "You know, you’re even more beautiful when you’re angry."

I rolled my eyes, about to push him away for good, but then Adrian said something that caught me off guard. "For what it’s worth, I don’t give a damn about what they’re saying at school. People talk; it’s what they do. But I prefer forming my own opinions."

I paused, the wand still under his chin, studying his face. He looked sincere, in his own way—at least as sincere as a Slytherin could be.

"And what’s your opinion, then?" I asked.

"That you’re more interesting than any of them. And that I’d rather be here getting cursed by you than be anywhere else."

I couldn’t help it—I laughed. It wasn’t the reaction I expected, but something about his audacity and the ridiculousness of the situation just got to me.

Adrian raised an eyebrow, clearly pleased with himself. "See? I knew you had a sense of humor."

I shook my head, lowering my wand. "You’re insufferable, Pucey."

He took a step back, giving me a mock bow. "Thank you, I try."

Despite myself, I found the corners of my mouth twitching into a smile.

There was something disarming about him, and from that moment on, we fell into a sort of reluctant friendship. He had a knack for making me laugh when I least expected it, and I found myself tolerating his presence more than I would have admitted.

Days passed and we get even more closer he was the first friend I ever had besides Riddle ( we agree not to talk about him in this house).

It was strange, almost welcome, having someone who didn’t treat me like I was fragile or a pariah. As much as I hated to admit it, Adrian’s lightheartedness was exactly what I needed, a distraction from the complicated mess my life had become.

Adrian caught up to me in the corridor, a smug grin plastered on his face. "Y/N, you’re not going to believe what happened last night," he said, his voice full of mischief.

I didn’t slow my pace, only glancing at him briefly before looking ahead again. "Do I even want to know?"

He laughed, clearly delighted by my disinterest. "I hooked up with a Gryffindor."

I raised an eyebrow, not bothering to hide my skepticism. "Congratulations. I’m sure that’s a new personal best for you."

He opened his mouth but I was faster, already knowing where this was going. “Adrian, you don’t need to broadcast every conquest.”

He rolled his eyes at my sarcasm but didn’t seem bothered by it. "Stop walking for a second. I need to see your reaction when I say the next part."

I sighed, finally coming to a halt and turning to face him. "Fine, what is it?"

Adrian leaned in, his grin widening as if he was about to reveal the juiciest piece of gossip. "Haven’t you heard? Your pretty boy and—"

I cut him off, correcting him for what felt like the millionth time. "He’s not my boy, Adrian. And for your information, if he heard you calling him 'pretty boy,' he’d cut your tongue out."

Adrian laughed, not at all intimidated. "Not if I used 'your' before it."

"He’s not my boy," I repeated firmly, crossing my arms over my chest. "And he has a girlfriend too, so that’s disrespectful."

"Dammit, if you’d just listen for once," Adrian said, throwing his hands up in mock exasperation. "And you say you’re a good listener."

"I am a good listener."

"Good listener, my ass," Adrian muttered, shaking his head. "Anyway, back to what I was trying to say—Riddle and Betty broke up."

His words hung in the air, and I blinked, trying to process what he’d just said. "What?"

"They broke up," Adrian repeated, more slowly this time, as if I hadn’t heard him the first time.

For a moment, I felt a pang of confusion, but then Enzo’s words echoed in my mind, along with what everyone always said about them.

"They always do, Adrian. Give them a week."

He cut me off this time, his tone more serious. "No, they did break up. For good this time. She was kissing Cedric last night, so it’s official. They’re done. I don’t know how people do that—stay friends with their exes."

I blinked, processing his words,but I kept my expression neutral. "You’re still friends with half of your exes."

Adrian shrugged, not missing a beat. "And I never said it’s a good thing."

I let out a short laugh, shaking my head at his honesty. "You’re a piece of work, Pucey."

He grinned, clearly enjoying the banter. "I try. Speaking of which, there’s a big game this week. You should come see me practice. I want to show off a bit. Everyone else has a girlfriend in the stands—I want to prove I’m at least capable of getting my friend to watch."

I narrowed my eyes at him, suspicious of his intentions. "You’re just trying to get me and Mattheo in the same place, aren’t you?"

He chuckled, unashamed. "A little scheming never hurt anyone. But no, I really do want my friend there."

I hesitated, not really wanting to get involved, but Adrian’s persistence was hard to ignore. "I don’t know, Adrian…"

"Come on, Y/N," he coaxed, his tone playful but with a hint of sincerity. "It’ll be fun, and I could use the support. Plus, you can make fun of me if I screw up. It’s a win-win."

I rolled my eyes, but a small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. "Fine. But don’t expect me to cheer or anything."

Adrian’s grin grew wider. "Deal. I knew I could count on you."

After classes, I made my way to the Quidditch pitch, feeling a bit out of place as I climbed the stands to watch the practice. It wasn’t something I usually did, and the familiar tension in my chest was a reminder that I was here because of Adrian’s persistence, not because I actually wanted to be.

I settled into a seat, scanning the field. It didn’t take long for Adrian to spot me. He grinned widely, waving enthusiastically from his broom. I couldn’t help but wave back, but my eyes weren’t really on him—they were on Mattheo.

He was standing off to the side, his broom in hand, looking between me and Adrian with a gaze that made my heart skip a beat. His jaw clenched, his expression darkening the moment he noticed me there. The intensity in his eyes was undeniable, and I could feel the weight of his stare even from across the pitch.

The practice started, but it felt like it was just background noise to the tension simmering between us. Every time I glanced down, Mattheo’s eyes were on me, glaring with an intensity that made it hard to breathe. I tried to focus on the game, on the way Adrian was zipping around the field, but my attention kept drifting back to Mattheo. The way his muscles tensed, the way his grip on his broom tightened—it was clear that something was brewing under the surface.

And then it happened. As the players flew around, Mattheo’s aggression grew, particularly toward Adrian. Every move he made was sharper, more forceful, like he was aiming to prove something. Adrian noticed it too and finally had enough. After one particularly hard shove from Mattheo during a pass.

"What’s your problem, Riddle?" Adrian snapped, his voice loud enough to cut through the sounds of the practice.

Mattheo’s response was a slow, sinister smirk, the kind that sent a chill down my spine. "You’re in my way, Pucey," he said, his voice dripping with malice.

Adrian narrowed his eyes. "What’s the matter, can’t handle a little competition? Or is it something else?"

The coach called out their names, warning them to get back in the game, but neither of them listened. The tension between them was palpable, thickening the air around us.

Their friends, Theo, Enzo, and even Draco, walked over, trying to diffuse the situation, but it was clear Mattheo wasn’t in the mood for peace.

"Careful, Riddle," Adrian taunted, leaning in slightly as if sharing a secret. "Wouldn’t want anyone to think you’re losing your edge."

Mattheo’s smirk widened, his eyes flashing with a dangerous light. "Maybe you should keep that big mouth of yours shut before I shut it for you."

Before anyone could react, Mattheo’s fist connected with Adrian’s face, sending him reeling backward. The blow was quick and brutal, and Adrian barely had time to recover before Mattheo hit him again, this time with his broom handle, right across the jaw.

Adrian staggered, blood dripping from his lip, but he still managed to look up at Mattheo with a defiant grin. "That all you got?"

Mattheo didn’t reply with words. His eyes gleamed with that same dark amusement as he struck Adrian again, this time even harder. The crack of the impact echoed across the pitch, drawing gasps from the other players.

"Enough!" the coach roared, finally reaching them and shoving the two apart. "Both of you, out of here, now!"

Adrian wiped the blood from his mouth, glaring at Mattheo. "Always knew you were a psycho, Riddle," he muttered under his breath.

Mattheo just smirked again, his eyes briefly flicking up to meet mine before he turned and walked off the pitch, leaving chaos in his wake.

I sat on the common room sofa, gently pressing a cold ice pack against Adrian’s bruised cheek. His face scrunched up in pain, and he let out a frustrated groan. "For fuck’s sake, Y/N, he’s crazy."

"Yeah, so I noticed," I muttered, not really looking at him.

Adrian smirked, despite the pain. "He was jealous. I know it." His grin widened. "How cute is that, huh? Jealous over our friendship, baby?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "You’re so delusional, Pucey."

He winced as I pushed the ice pack a bit too firmly against his cheek. "Ouch! Careful, you’re supposed to be helping, not making it worse."

"Maybe if you stopped running your mouth, you wouldn’t be in this situation," I shot back, pushing him away.

He clutched his chest dramatically. "Oh, the betrayal! First Riddle, now you! And after I took a beating for you ? I’m wounded, Y/N."

Shaking my head, I stood up. "You’ll live."

I left the common room, needing to clear my head. The hallways were mostly empty, the late hour ensuring that most students were either in their common rooms or asleep. I walked with purpose, looking for him.

It didn’t take long to find Mattheo. He was outside, leaning against the cold stone wall, a cigarette between his fingers. The flame from his lighter flickered as he lit it, the orange glow briefly illuminating his face. He looked up when he heard my footsteps, his eyes darkening with recognition.

I didn’t hesitate. I marched right up to him and slapped him across the face.

Mattheo’s head snapped to the side, but when he looked back at me, he was smiling—almost as if he was amused. He licked his lower lip, that dangerous smirk still playing on his mouth. "Nice to see you too, darling."

I glared at him, my hand still stinging. "What the hell is wrong with you, Riddle? You think you can just go around punching people because you’re pissed off?"

He chuckled softly, taking another drag from his cigarette. "I think you’re overreacting. Pucey can handle himself."

"I don’t care about you or your bullshit. But you better stay away from me and my friends."

He tilted his head slightly, his eyes narrowing as he studied me. "Your friends?" he echoed, a mocking tone to his voice. "Or just Adrian?"

I froze for a split second, then recovered. "Stay away from Adrian."

His expression darkened, jealousy flaring in his eyes. "So, it’s Adrian now, is it?" His voice was low, dangerous. "He’s not good for you."

I almost laughed at the absurdity of it. "And who is, Mattheo? You?"

His jaw clenched, but he said nothing. I shook my head, trying to push past him. "I can’t even look at your face right now."

Before I could get far, he grabbed my hand, pulling me back with enough force to spin me around and shove me against the cold stone wall. My breath caught as the rough surface bit into my back.

His face was inches from mine, his grip on my wrist firm but not painful. "You don’t get it, do you?" His voice was low, dangerous, but there was a desperate edge to it that I hadn’t expected. "Adrian is a womanizer. He’s got a new girl every week, Y/N. Is that the kind of friend you want?"

I scoffed, yanking my wrist out of his grasp. "And you’re any better?You’re no saint."

Mattheo’s eyes flashed with something dark, and he leaned in even closer, his breath warm against my skin. "No I’m not."

I stared at him, trying to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions in his eyes. He was so angry, so desperate to convince me that Adrian was bad for me.

"And he has a small dick," Mattheo muttered, almost as if it was an afterthought.

I blinked, my brain struggling to catch up with what he’d just said. "What?"

Mattheo’s expression didn’t change. "You heard me. He’s got a small dick."

I stared at him, utterly baffled. "How do you even know that?"

He shrugged, his tone completely nonchalant. "Changing room. We play on the same team remember?"

I couldn’t believe this conversation was actually happening. "Mattheo, what the actual fuck? I don’t want to talk about my friend’s dick. That’s just… weird."

But Mattheo didn’t respond, his eyes still locked on mine, his gaze piercing through the tension that hung between us. I could feel my breath hitch in my chest, and when I finally spoke, my voice was low and strained. "You’re starting," I said, the weight of our past heavy in my words.

He nodded, his voice equally subdued. "I’m starting."

I tried to push him away, desperate to put some distance between us, but he caught my wrist gently, his touch both tender and firm.

"I wish I didn’t stop that night and left you on that road."

Mattheo didn’t blink, didn’t try to interrupt me. He just stood there, absorbing every word like a punch to the gut.

"Do you know what happens to people like me when they get their hopes up? They pay. And I did."

The pain of those days, of that heartbreak, surged back, choking me as I tried to continue.

"No one blamed you. No one called you the things they called me. And I—" My voice cracked, and I couldn’t bring myself to finish. The words were too heavy, too raw.

"I lied," he admitted, his voice thick with emotion.

"I know you—" I began, but he cut me off, his words coming out in a rush.

"No, I lied when I said I knew we were on a break. We weren’t. It was really over. I lied to you that day in my house. That was the only time I lied to you," he said, and for a brief moment, I almost believed him. But then I remembered everything—the pain, the betrayal, the way he’d left me shattered. I pushed him away, shaking my head.

"I don’t believe you," I said, my voice hard, trying to build a wall around my heart.

"I know you don’t," he replied, his tone soft, resigned. "But I’m not playing games with you. I never did —“

I started to walk away, trying to block out his words, trying to keep my heart from breaking all over again. But his voice stopped me, laced with a vulnerability I hadn’t expected.

"For a long time, I thought I knew what I wanted, but I didn’t. Even for someone like me, I tried to play it safe, and dammit, you were no safe choice."

His words confused me, and I turned to look at him, my brow furrowing. "What?"

He took a step closer, his eyes never leaving mine. "You made my heart beat faster. You made my breath hitch with just a look in your eyes. You made me feel things I didn’t want to feel, things I didn’t know I was capable of feeling."

I stood frozen, trying to process everything he was saying.

"You were everything I didn’t know I needed," Mattheo continued, his voice trembling slightly. "But all I did was hurt you. And I hate myself for it."

"Mattheo…"

He closed the distance between us, his hand reaching out to gently cup my cheek.

I wanted to pull away, to protect myself from the whirlwind of emotions his words were stirring up, but I couldn’t move. His touch, his words—they held me in place, and all I could do was stand there, my heart pounding in my chest.

His thumb brushing away a tear that had escaped down my cheek, I searched his eyes, looking for any sign of deception, any hint that he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. But all I saw was sincerity, raw and unfiltered.

Then he kissed me.

It wasn’t soft or tentative—it was fierce, urgent, like he was pouring all of the things he couldn’t say into that kiss. His hands roamed down my back, gripping my waist as he pressed me harder against the wall, and I felt my resolve crumbling with every passing second.

I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe—there was only Mattheo and the heat of his mouth on mine, the feel of his body against me. His tongue traced my bottom lip, and I opened up for him, a moan escaping as he deepened the kiss, his hand tangling in my hair.

The intensity of it all was dizzying, making my head spin as I gave in to the raw, unfiltered desire between us.

Every touch, every kiss, only fanned the flames higher, and I found myself wanting more, needing more.

But then, reality crashed back in.

I pulled away abruptly, gasping for air, my heart pounding in my chest. "No," I whispered, shaking my head as I backed away from him, my hands trembling. "I can’t—I shouldn’t…"

I had to get out of there, away from him, away from the mess of emotions he stirred up inside me.

Without another word, I turned and ran, my footsteps echoing down the empty hallway as I fled from the confusion and the undeniable pull he had over me. My chest was tight, my mind a whirlwind of conflicting feelings as I put as much distance between us as possible.

But even as I ran, the taste of his kiss lingered on my lips, a reminder of the fire I couldn’t seem to escape.

The next day, I found myself sitting in the common room, staring blankly at the fireplace, my thoughts a jumbled mess. I was trying to focus on anything other than the way Mattheo's lips had felt on mine, or the fact that I had practically bolted from him like a coward. But just as I was about to lose myself in those thoughts again, Adrian plopped down beside me, his face twisted in a mix of disbelief and outrage.

"He said I have a small dick!" Adrian practically shouted, his voice echoing off the walls. "Can you believe that? The nerve!"

I blinked, trying to process his words. "What?"

Adrian waved his hands around dramatically, still caught up in his rant. "Mattheo! He said I have a small dick! That’s a fucking lie!"

I stared at him, fighting the urge to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. "Adrian, really? That’s what you’re focused on right now?"

Adrian didn’t seem to hear me. He was on a roll, pacing back and forth, gesticulating wildly as he continued his tirade. "I mean, where does he get off saying that? He thinks just because he’s got that whole brooding, bad-boy thing going on he can go around spreading lies"

"Okay," I said, trying to cut in, but Adrian was too worked up to be interrupted.

"And it’s not even true!" he exclaimed, as if I needed convincing. "I mean, who does he think he is? Mr. Big Shot Riddle with his—"

"Adrian," I tried again, louder this time.

But he was still going. "I swear, I’m going to hex him next time I see him. No, I’m going to curse him. I’m going to—"

"Adrian!" I finally snapped, and he paused mid-rant, looking at me with wide eyes.

"What?"

"I believe you," I said, my voice firm. "I swear, I believe you. But can we focus, please? I’ve got bigger problems than Mattheo’s opinion on your… anatomy."

Adrian huffed, crossing his arms over his chest as he flopped down beside me again. "Yeah, fine. Whatever. But seriously, what an ass."

I rolled my eyes, trying to push aside the urge to laugh. "Dammit, Adrian. Focus."

He sighed, finally calming down. "Alright, alright. What did you want to talk about?"

I hesitated, the memory of Mattheo’s kiss still fresh in my mind. "That he… he kissed me."

Adrian’s eyes went wide. "Wait, what? He kissed you?"

"That’s what I was trying to say."

"Yes, but can we get back to the part where he called my dick small?" Adrian cut in, as if he couldn’t let it go.

I groaned, covering my face with my hands. "Adrian, for the love of Merlin—"

"Fine, fine," he grumbled, finally dropping it. "But for the record, that’s total bullshit."

Even though Betty and Mattheo still looked close, like the good friends they always had been, something had shifted. It was official—they had broken up. Their nearly lifelong relationship, which had been a toxic whirlwind of drama and passion, was finally over. Betty seemed fine, maybe even relieved, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was better at hiding things than I was.

Cedric, on the other hand, was the exact opposite of Mattheo in every way. He was calm, reliable, and safe. It made me wonder how Betty could jump from someone like Mattheo to someone like Cedric without a hitch.

She had spent so much of her life tangled up with Mattheo, and from what I’d heard, it hadn’t been easy. It had been intense, full of ups and downs, yet here she was, seemingly unscathed. I wished I could say the same for myself.

A week passed, and things were surprisingly... quiet. Well, except for Adrian, who couldn’t stop yapping about "that fucker trying to spread misinformation about his dick." It was a constant source of frustration for him, and honestly, the way he went on about it was almost comical.

Every time we crossed paths, Adrian would find some way to bring it up. “I mean, seriously, Y/N,” he’d start, completely exasperated, “the audacity of that asshole! He’s out there spreading outright lies! I should charge him with defamation or something.”

I couldn’t help but snicker. “Defamation?”

“Of character!” Adrian insisted, as if he’d been gravely wronged. “Or defamation of… of something! It’s not just about the dick thing, it’s about the principle!”

“Right, the principle,” I’d say, trying to keep a straight face.

He wasn’t having any of it. “This isn’t funny, Y/N! Misinformation like this can ruin a guy’s reputation!”

Despite his outrage, it was hard to take him seriously when he’d throw phrases like “my honor is at stake” into the mix. I kept telling him to let it go, but that was like asking a Kneazle not to pounce on a mouse.

Meanwhile, I was doing my best to avoid two things: my father’s letters and Mattheo. The former had been piling up, unopened and ignored, on my bedside table. I just couldn’t bring myself to deal with whatever he had to say, not when everything else felt like it was spiraling out of control.

And then there was Mattheo. Every time I saw him in the hallways or across the common room, my heart would start racing, and I’d immediately look away, pretending I hadn’t noticed him. But I could feel his eyes on me, heavy and dark, following me even when I wasn’t looking. There was a tension in the air between us, thick and electric, like the calm before a storm.

It wasn’t just his stare that I noticed. It was something else, something impossible to ignore. Strawberries. Every meal, whether it was breakfast, lunch, or dinner, Mattheo would go for the strawberries. He’d pick them out with careful precision, eating them slowly, almost deliberately. I tried to ignore it, to push the thought out of my mind, but it lingered, nagging at me every time I saw him reach for the fruit.

In the common room, I’d catch him staring at me from across the room his eyes made my skin prickle. He’d lean back in his chair, casual and confident, as if he hadn’t a care in the world, but there was always a hint of something more beneath the surface—a challenge, a dare, as if he was waiting for me to crack.

And I hated that it worked. That I’d feel my heart race, my breath catch, every damn time.

But I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction. So I kept my distance, kept my focus on anything but him.

And so the week dragged on, with Adrian’s indignant rants and Mattheo’s silent, smoldering presence, the tension between us building like a storm ready to break.

As I was lost in thought, Adrian suddenly popped up beside me, completely oblivious to the turmoil brewing in my mind. “Hey, Y/N,” he started, his tone unusually chipper. “I need you to do me a favor.”

“Not now, Adrian.”

But Adrian, being Adrian, was persistent. He grabbed my arm, a grin spreading across his face as he practically dragged me down the corridor. “Come on, it’ll only take a second.”

“Adrian, what are you—” I started to protest, but before I could finish, he had pushed me into an empty classroom. I stumbled inside, annoyance rising in my chest.

“What the hell, Adrian?” I snapped, turning around just in time to see Mattheo stepping into the classroom as well, looking equally confused. The door slammed shut behind him, the sound echoing in the silence.

Realization hit us like a freight train.

I bolted for the door, but it was already locked. Panic flared in my chest as I fumbled with my bag, searching for my wand, only to realize it wasn’t there. Adrian. I closed my eyes, vowing that once I got out of this room, the lies he’d been spouting about his dick would be the least of his worries.

I turned back to face Mattheo, opening my eyes. “Your wand,” I demanded, holding out my hand.

He raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “Are you planning to kill me, love? I’m sure Enzo would be more than willing to help you out, so it wouldn’t be much of a surprise.”

His voice was dripping with that infuriating confidence, and the way he called me “love” sent a shiver down my spine. I scowled, refusing to let him see how much he affected me.

“Don’t act like you didn’t know this was going to happen,” I shot back, my voice laced with anger.

He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest, as calm as ever. “You think I planned this?”

“Who else would’ve put Adrian up to something so stupid?” I spat, my frustration bubbling over.

Mattheo chuckled, shaking his head. “You give me too much credit. But if I had known, I wouldn’t have let him lock us in without a proper plan.”

“Like what?” I snapped. “Driving me insane until I can’t take it anymore?”

He took a step closer. “You’re already there, aren’t you?”

I clenched my fists, trying to keep my composure. “Yes, Unfortunately.”

He was close now, so close that I could feel the heat radiating off his body. His voice dropped to a low murmur, sending a thrill through me despite myself. “But you’re not as immune to me as you like to pretend, are you?”

I glared up at him. “Don’t flatter yourself, Mattheo.”

His smirk widened, and he leaned in even closer, his breath warm against my ear. “I don’t need to. You’re doing it for me.”

“So you say you didn’t know this was going to happen?”

He shrugged, still infuriatingly calm. “I didn’t know, but I’m not exactly complaining. We seem to keep finding ourselves in situations like this, don’t we?”

I glared at him, anger flaring up inside me. “This isn’t funny, Mattheo. I’ve had enough of your games.”

“Games?” he repeated, his voice dropping to a low, dangerous whisper. “Who said anything about games, Love?”

“Maybe I’m just trying to make the best of a bad situation,” he murmured, his eyes locked on mine with that intense, burning gaze that always made it hard to think straight.

I clenched my fists, trying to hold onto my anger, but it was slipping through my fingers like sand. “You always think you’re so clever, don’t you?”

He was closer now, so close I could feel the heat radiating off his body, the scent of him—his cologne and something darker, more dangerous—wrapping around me.

“Maybe I am clever,” he said softly, his voice a low purr that sent shivers down my spine. “Or maybe… I’m just desperate to be close to you.”

“Is that so?” I finally managed to say, my voice barely more than a whisper.

He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. “It is,” he murmured, his voice low and rough. "So if you’re going to kill me, love, better do it quick… because every second I’m this close to you knowing I had you once and then lost you, I’m burning alive.”

I shoved him away with all the strength I could muster, my anger boiling over. "I feel sorry for you, you know that?" I spat out, my voice trembling with the intensity of the emotions I was barely holding in check.

He didn’t say anything, just stood there, watching me with those dark, unreadable eyes of his. And that only made it worse. “You didn’t even apologize, Mattheo,” I continued, my voice rising. “You didn’t even try. And you know why? Because you don’t know how. You don’t know how to say you’re sorry, how to admit when you’ve messed up. You don’t know how to do the right thing. It must be exhausting being a disappointment all the time.”

I wanted to hurt him, to make him feel just a fraction of the pain he’d put me through. But as the words left my mouth, a sharp pang of regret sliced through me. I hated the look on his face now—the way his eyes clouded over, the way he blinked and looked away, as if trying to shield himself from the weight of my words.

But I wasn’t done. “You have no idea how hard it was, Mattheo. To let you in, to let you see me—the real me. I showed you everything, all my scars, all my wounds. I trusted you with them. And what did you do? You added more. You just kept adding more and more until I couldn’t take it anymore.”

He finally looked at me, something in his expression shifting. Slowly, he sat down on one of the desks, the smirk that usually played on his lips completely gone. It was like a mask had dropped, and all that was left was the raw, vulnerable truth beneath.

“Yeah,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “It is exhausting.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I stopped, taken aback, staring at him in surprise. This was different—he was different. There was no bravado, no arrogance. Just… Mattheo.

“So the worst part was letting you down,” he continued, his voice full of a sadness that I wasn’t used to hearing from him. “I was raised by anger and loud voices. But you… you’re so quiet, so pure. Dammit, Y/N, I don’t know how to love, but I know I love you.”

I opened my mouth, the anger flaring up again. “You cheated on—”

“No, Y/N, I didn’t,” he cut me off, his voice firm. “It was over. I would never do that to you, or to her. It was really over, I swear it was.” He looked me straight in the eyes, pleading silently for me to believe him. “I did go to tell her. I hated the idea of her finding out from Inez and not me. We weren’t together, I swear we weren’t.”

He paused, searching my face for any sign of understanding. “We did get together after, because we both were heartbroken and we didn’t know any other way to fix it but it wasn’t the same. It was never the same—not after you.”

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. “So I was the other woman, then?” The words tasted bitter on my tongue, the implication of what that meant, of what I had been to him, cutting deeper than I’d expected.

He shook his head. “You weren’t the other woman, Y/N. You were the one who made me realize what I wanted, what I needed. You were the one who showed me that there was more to life than just be angry, than just doing fighting for everything. You made me want more—made me want to be more. I didn’t cheat on you, because in my heart… it was you. Even when I didn’t realize it, even when I was too much of a coward to admit it, it was you. It’s still you.”

He took a deep breath, his voice softening as he continued. “I won’t lie to you, and I won’t pretend that I’m not messed up. But what I feel for you… it’s real. It’s the most real thing I’ve ever felt in my life.”

I looked at him, my breath hitching in my throat as I tried to keep the tears from spilling over. "I was raised by anger too, Mattheo," I began, my voice trembling. "But not the loud kind. It was quiet and slow, like a poison that seeps in and stays with you. It was the kind of anger that doesn’t shout but whispers, making you question everything, making you feel like you’re never enough."

I paused, struggling to get the words out, the emotions too raw, too painful. "And then you came along. You were loud, you were the voice in the silence, the one who made me feel something other than that suffocating anger. You—" My voice caught in my throat, and I couldn’t finish. Instead, I just sat down too, the weight of everything crashing down on me.

For a moment, we just sat there in silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts, in the wreckage of what we’d done to each other. Then, I started again, my voice softer, more vulnerable than it had been before.

"I lived for the hope of what was between us. I wanted so badly for it to be real, for it to be serious. I cancelled plans, stayed up late, made excuses just to see you, to be near you. I was always waiting, always hoping that this time, you’d see me, really see me. And when you did, it was like nothing else mattered. It was like you were the only thing that mattered."

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat growing tighter. "But every time I got my hopes up, I paid for it. I paid for it with every tear, with every sleepless night, with every second I spent wondering if you felt the same, if you cared as much as I did. And when it all fell apart, when you walked away, no one blamed you. No one called you the names they called me. I was the one who paid the price, while you… you just moved on."

Mattheo was silent, his gaze fixed on the floor as he absorbed my words. Finally, he spoke,"I didn’t know how to love you properly, because I didn’t know how to love at all."

He paused, his voice breaking as he continued. "But I know I love you. Even when I didn’t want to admit it, even when I tried to convince myself that I didn’t, I knew. And it scared the hell out of me. Because you deserve better, you deserve someone who knows how to love you right, who doesn’t screw it up every chance he gets."

He looked away, his hands trembling slightly as he spoke. "But I tried. Dammit, Y/N, I tried. I tried to be what you needed, what you wanted. But I failed. I failed because I didn’t know how to be that for you. And I hated myself for it. I still do."

I stared at him, my heart aching at the raw honesty in his voice, the pain that I could see etched on his face.

Tears streamed down my face, the weight of everything crashing down on me all at once. I couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t catch my breath. The room felt too small, the air too thick, and all I wanted to do was escape—to run from everything, from him, from the pain that seemed to swallow me whole.

"Y/N… love?" Mattheo’s voice broke through the haze, soft and filled with desperation as he knelt in front of me, trying to get me to look at him.

"Look at me, love. Look into my eyes. You love doing that, don’t you? Come on, just breathe with me, okay?"

But I couldn’t. My whole body was shaking, and it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I couldn’t catch my breath, couldn’t think straight. All I could feel was the panic, the overwhelming fear that I was drowning, that I was going to fall apart completely.

"I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I never wanted to hurt you like this. I never wanted any of this to happen."

His hands moved to cup my face, his thumbs gently brushing away the tears that continued to fall. "Please, forgive me," he whispered, his voice trembling. "Tell me what you want, and I’ll do it. Anything. I’ll do anything for you, baby. Just name it."

I tried to focus on his words, tried to let them ground me, but it was so hard. The pain was so deep, so consuming, and I didn’t know how to make it stop.

"Please, Y/N," he continued, his voice growing softer, more desperate. "I need you. I need you to know that you’re the one I want, the one I need."

I felt his hand move to the back of my neck, his touch gentle as he tried to steady me. "You’re the one I love," he whispered, his breath warm against my skin. "The only one. There was no one else. I swear it."

"When I went to see Betty that night, it was over between us. It had been over for a while and I told you that love i didn’t lie about that I swear. I just… I couldn’t let her find out from someone else. I wanted to tell her myself. I didn’t want her to think… to think that I had been lying to her, that I had been with you while I was still with her. I wanted to be honest with her, with you. But I swear, Y/N, I didn’t cheat. Not with you, not with her."

His eyes searched mine, pleading with me to believe him. "You have to believe me. I know I messed up, I know I hurt you, but I never meant to. I just… I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to handle everything. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right. I swear it."

Tears streamed down my face, the weight of everything crashing down on me all at once.

"I’m so sorry," he whispered again, his lips brushing against my hair. "I’ll never hurt you like this again. I promise."

I felt the tears well up again, but this time, they were different. They weren’t tears of fear or anger, but something softer, something that felt almost like relief.

"I’ll do anything for you, baby," he repeated, his voice tender. "Just tell me what you need, and it’s yours."

The door creaked open, and I jumped slightly, still nestled in Mattheo’s arms. I quickly wiped at my face as Adrian stepped inside, a smirk plastered on his face.

"Please tell me you got him begging on his knees," Adrian said, his voice dripping with amusement.

Mattheo stiffened beside me, his expression darkening. He was up on his feet in a flash, and I knew that look—he was ready to kill Adrian. I quickly grabbed his hand, holding him back. "Don’t."

Adrian’s eyes widened in mock fear, holding up his hands as if to surrender. "Whoa, easy there, killer. I’m just here to check if my best friend needs any emotional support after dealing with, well, you."

"Do you have a death wish?" Mattheo growled, taking a step toward him.

"Mattheo, calm down," I said firmly, tugging on his hand to pull him back. I could feel the tension in his muscles as he glared at Adrian.

"You know," Adrian continued, seemingly oblivious to the danger he was in, "I’m just saying, I’ve never seen Mattheo Riddle on his knees for anyone. If I had a camera, I’d have snapped a photo for the history books."

"Adrian, shut up," I said,"You’re not helping."

"I think I’m helping," Adrian shot back with a grin. "In fact, I’m the best help you’ve got. What are you gonna do without me, Y/N? Cry on Mattheo’s shoulder all day? Please, that’s my job."

Mattheo looked like he was about to lunge at him, but I squeezed his hand.

Enzo suddenly appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame with a bemused expression on his face.

"Did I miss the show?" Enzo asked, raising an eyebrow. "I heard something about Mattheo begging?"

"I was not begging," Mattheo snapped, shooting Adrian a murderous glare.

Adrian shrugged, still smirking. "You say ‘not begging,’ I say ‘finally showing some humility.’ Same difference."

"Do you have a death wish or something, Adrian?" Enzo said, shaking his head with a grin.

"I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking," Adrian replied, crossing his arms. "Besides, someone needs to keep Riddle here in check. Can’t have him getting too full of himself."

"I can take care of that myself, thanks," I said, rolling my eyes at the two of them.

Mattheo finally relaxed a bit, though he still looked ready to strangle Adrian. "You’re lucky she’s here," he muttered darkly.

"Yeah, I know," Adrian said, giving me a wink. "I’d be toast without her around."

Enzo chuckled, pushing off the doorframe. "Alright, enough with the macho posturing. We’ve got better things to do than watch you two flirt-fight."

"Who’s flirting?" I shot back, crossing my arms.

"You," Enzo said, grinning. "And him." He pointed between Mattheo and me. "And for the record, you’re terrible at hiding it."

"Like I’d ever flirt with this asshole," I said, though my cheeks heated at the insinuation.

"Oh, please, Y/N," Adrian said, rolling his eyes. "You’re practically batting your eyelashes at him right now."

Mattheo finally smirked, his anger dissipating. "See? Even Adrian can see it."

"I’m going to kill you both," I muttered, but there was a smile tugging at my lips.

"Hey, that’s my line," Mattheo said, looking down at me with a soft grin. "But you’re cute when you’re mad, so I’ll let it slide."

Adrian snorted. "Wow, she’s got you whipped, doesn’t she?"

"I’m not whipped," Mattheo shot back, though he didn’t sound too convincing.

"You kind of are," Enzo said, laughing.

"And for you information Riddle that my dick is perfectly average-sized so stop spreading rumors, thank you very much!"

"It’s not a rumor if it’s true."

Adrian’s face flushed with annoyance. "That’s bullshit, and you know it, Riddle! Quit trying to spread misinformation about my buddy!"

"Adrian,Now, can we please focus on something other than your you know for five minutes?"

"Five minutes is all I need," Adrian quipped with a wink.

"Five minutes is all it’ll take for me to bury you six feet under," Mattheo Said.

"Alright, alright. Calm down, Romeo."

Adrian threw his hands up in exasperation. "I’m just saying, that kind of rumor could ruin a guy’s reputation!"

"Yeah, because that’s exactly what I was trying to do," Mattheo said.

I rolled my eyes and tugged on Mattheo’s hand, pulling him toward the door. "Let’s get out of here before I have to deal with any more of this."

"Good idea," Mattheo agreed, following me out of the room. "Before I decide to actually kill them."

Adrian called after us, "You know you love us!"

As we walked down the hallway, Mattheo turned to me with a lopsided grin. "So, I’m forgiven?"

I glanced up at him, trying to suppress a smile. "We can work on that," I replied, teasingly.

His grin grew wider, and he leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a low murmur. "You know, seeing you all flustered and cute when you’re mad really does something to me."

My cheeks flushed red, and before I could respond, he captured my lips in a quick, heated kiss. It was so sudden that I barely had time to process it before he pulled away, smirking at my dazed expression.

"You can’t just kiss me like that out of nowhere!" I exclaimed, trying to sound stern but failing miserably.

"Well, I sure as hell will," he said confidently, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "If I get to finally call you my girl, then I’ll be going around showing off and making sure everyone gets the message."

I raised an eyebrow. "What message?"

"That you’re off-limits. No one gets close to you, and no one says a damn word that could upset you."

"No?" raised an eyebrow, teasing him. "And if they do?"

Mattheo’s eyes darkened, and his lips curved into a dangerous smile. "Let’s just say I don’t think they’d want to try that again."

My eyes widened in realization. “Wait, are you telling me you’ve been hitting guys who talk bad about me?”

He didn’t deny it, just gave me a sly smile, and suddenly, I couldn’t help the rush of excitement that went through me. The thought of him defending me like that—it was kind of a turn-on.

I smirked, stepping closer to him. “Okay, fine. That was such a turn-on. You can kiss me now.”

He didn’t need any more encouragement. His hand slid to the back of my neck, pulling me closer as he pressed his lips to mine again. This time, the kiss was deeper, more passionate, and I melted into him, forgetting everything else.

When we finally pulled away, breathless and slightly dizzy, he grinned down at me. "I’m going to love showing everyone that you’re mine."

I rolled my eyes, but my heart skipped a beat at his words. "Just don’t go overboard with it, okay?"

"No promises," he murmured against my lips before stealing one more kiss.

[neurospicy-diaries]

The joy of emotional dysregulation

Dear diary,

I'm clearly not able to add another routine in my day at the moment, so I guess sporadic updates will be the norm now. The deeds of the days (I did lots of them) will wait.

So, I got stuff to vent about it.

A couple of weeks ago, in the ADHD educational group, we talked about emotional dysregulation. As a term it was new to me and when the two fully ADHD (no autism) people started to talk about it I was like "I don't have this, what are they talking about?" but of course the seed of the doubt was cast (it was not the first time I thought "I don't have this" and then I had to reconsider), so I stopped the therapist and I asked to explain what it was.

So she explained it to us (I wasn't the only one to don't know about it, but I guess one of the advantages to be the older of the group is that I learned how to bypass the asking questions embarrassment).

Neurotypical people experience emotions in a stable range. They can feel down, depressed, angry, excited, exactly like us, but they don't experience them in a way that is highly destructive, either to themselves or to other. She draw this graphic for us:

So, basically, ADHD (and borderline and NAS and I don't know how many others that don't fit in the "typical" box) are able to experience a level of emotion so high that they become uncontrollanble and destructive. In case of rage, we can become highly aggressive, physically, against things and others. In case of depression, we can become self-destructive, either physically hurting ourselves willingly or by neglecting ourselves. I, for example, stop eating.

The grey ovals are like point of no returns, they are the moments when we realize (and sometimes others) we're about to cross the line and go out of control. It's different for everyone, an internal sensation, like feeling your chest expanding or your blood rushing. One of the people in the group says their close friends can spot it because she get the "crazy eye".

The worse part is that these emotions can linger longer. That's why it seems like people are able to brush stuff off them easily, it's because we can't: we are slaves of our emotions (they're very strong, they're hard to manage without assistance).

That was a lot.

There are a few turning points in my life that brought several self realizations in the years and one is from when I was 8yo. I was at a friend house (a new friend, because we just moved) and she was on the floor at the end of her bed. I was standing over her, I was angry because she didn't want to play with barbies anymore. I don't remember at all how she ended up there, but I remember she telling me that I was hurting her and thinking "so it's true that there's rotten blood in my veins" (this is going to be a whole other post).

I'm pretty sure now that I attacked her.

Also, my mother was pretty passive in explaining to me how to react to bullism. She just told me "ignore them" without specifically telling me how to ignore them, which trust me it's the worst advice you can give to your child. Bullism can't be fought by avoiding it and certainly by not explaining that "ignoring them" means "don't let them see even a hint that they got you". They were, of course, three years of hell for me.

Later in life, she told me the reason she didn't want me to react to my classmates was because a couple of years priors I knocked out a boy by punching him on the nose. I rebutted saying "we were both 6yo! of course a good placed punch could have ko him!" and her face was weird. As I understood now, ADHD rage can make you particular savage and so I wonder: how many times did I actually assaulted someone in my early childhood?

Mother was a kindergarten teacher, a substitute at the time but she already knew everybody (she was born and raised there and the city is still not that big), so my environment was pretty safe. I was born in a safety net so probably every outburst of mine was friendly managed.

Of course I can't ask her. She's the master of denial. Admitting to have done something wrong in raising me and my sister or to not have spotted that something was wrong with me or, even worse, that she didn't birth two perfect human beings, it's something way too much for her and I have to accept I will be left with unanswered questions.

But this brought me to reevaluate (again...) my life, because I always thought that my autism has always been predominant in my life and ADHD has just been there for the ride, by randomly disrupting my focus, preventing me to be disciplined in my studies or even planning my future better than randomly searching for safe places every few years.

Now I know it affected a lot of my life and mother's "trick" actually made me more repressed than ever.

Which is not self-consuming and traumatizing at all, of course.

Now I have to learn my precursors (I'm pretty sure I'm already well acquainted with them) and to remove myself from the situation before I can burst out (which if going to be hard because they only situations that can cause me an over the top rage are at work; it's not like I can walk out from a meeting or a client just because I want to crawl their face off...).

The first precursor I have face however, should be the depression one. The most evident is probably the beginning of the anorexia path (that I'm walking near right now), but I would like to find an earlier one.

All in all I'm happy I'm finally learning these stuff about me, I just wish it came sooner than in my forties.

[acciotherapists]

Far From Home (Chapter 50: Just Kids)

Loki x Reader

Y/n Y/l/n never thought her past would come back to find her. After all who would look for her on Midgard? But one day in the small town of Puento Antiguo her world is turned upside down when an old friend turns up, threatening everything she has built and the people she’d fought so hard to protect. What happens when the life she left behind finally catches up with her? What happens when the old flame she thought had burned out reignites within her?

Warnings: language (sorry, Steve), eventual smut (slow burn), angst, some mentions of torture (most things won’t be detailed but anything that gets a bit more specific will be warned at the beginning of the chapter)

I knew my arrival would be met with anger but I hadn’t expected a rage this strong. I could feel it the moment I entered the sitting room. It buzzed against my skin and made my hair stand on end as I waited for the outburst I knew would surely be coming.

“Sit,” Tony hissed and I scoffed.

“I’m not a dog, Tony.”

“Really? Because you’re acting like a bitch!”

In a flash I had him pressed against the wall, a dagger against his throat as Steve tried to pull me off of him.

“What the hell has gotten into you, kid?” Tony asked, not even seeming angry by my outburst. “What are you thinking?” His voice was softer now as he took my hand that was holding the dagger against his throat. He gently moved my hand and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.

“What’s going on with you, Y/n? Talk to me.”

A small sob escaped my lips as my head fell against his chest and I felt his arms wrap around my body. “Talk to me, Y/n… I’ve never seen you like this.”

“They’re just kids,” I whispered as the memories from my time in Hydra washed over me.

Tony sighed, though it wasn’t a frustrated sigh, rather he simply seemed confused. “What’s going on, kid?”

“I’m not a kid anymore, Tony,” I hissed, my voice filled with a venom I hadn’t even realized was there until the words left my lips and once they had I could no longer stop. “I haven’t been a kid for a long time, Stark, and I want to make sure that never happens to those two kids that you’ve got locked away upstairs. They deserve their childhood.”

“There it is.”

I wasn’t sure what Steve meant but a silence filled the room after he spoke as no one seemed to know quite what to say.

“You deserved yours,” a familiar voice says and I turn to face him. Loki.

“Lo… I-.”

“It’s alright, my love.” He walks over to me, nodding to Tony, before taking my hands. “You don’t want Tony to take away theirs… as yours was taken.”

“I don’t know what you mean, love,” I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “I was almost 1,000 years old when they took me.”

“You were 964 years, 4 months, and 26 days old.”

I looked up at him curiously as he continued.

“By Asgardian standards… that’s young, Y/n.”

“Why are we talking about me?” I hissed. “This has nothing to do with me!”

“Darling…”

“No!” I was preparing to leave the room but I bumped into Bucky on the way out. 

“Doll? What’s going on?” His eyes searched the room, as if he was looking for some threat that wasn’t there.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” I replied gruffly and left the room. Why is it that when I finally thought my life might slow down and things could be okay… my past is brought up once again and the old wounds are once again ripped open. I thought I’d healed from my past but clearly I was wrong. Some wounds take longer to heal.

“Just let her go,” I heard Bucky say to someone as I left. I breathed a sigh of relief as I headed upstairs to my room and collapsed onto the bed.

I wanted to scream but no sound left my lips as my skin began to buzz with warmth. I tried to focus on my breathing as I heard a knock on my door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, darling.”

“It’s unlocked,” I called back and he opened the door. His eyes fell on my arms as a cold wind whipped through the room. He rushed over to me, taking my hands in his.

“Sweetheart, I thought we had this under control.”

“We did… and then Hydra took me… and I thought you betrayed me and… and it started again.” I knew I was rambling but he didn’t seem to mind. He simply listened. 

When I finished rambling he took my hands, gently shushing me.

“This is my fault. I should’ve seen the signs. You’re going to be fine, love. Everything will be fine.” He lifted the covers and crawled into the bed next to me. “Lay with me, love.”

I smiled, laying next to him as he curled his arms around me as the wind slowed and the room settled. We fell asleep as he held me.

*********

Taglist: @purplekitten30@lokisprettygirl22@midnights-ramblings @huntress-artemiss@lokis-little-love@lokis-tigress @the-archangel-in-asgard @crimson25 @thedistractedagglomeration

A/N: I'm having difficulties tagging some of you. If you are not being notified and would like to be please check your settings.

[celibibratty]

(sigh), yesterday was the day, the day that changed everything, the day I saw that damn story, whenever December 23th arrives I always think about that, i will talk about this day cuz i think It's important for me to talk about this💨, I even remember the clothes I was wearing that day, I was wearing a blue tank top with flowery purple short, it was 2019, I was in the bedroom and it was almost night, I was watching this ao3, checking to see if there was any new sean x daniel story, and I updated the page and with that a new fanfic appeared (which was this damn story), I looked at the tags and saw that the story was happening in blood brothers and there was something to do with rape/abuse, I thought "hmn, this must be just another story of Sean acting like a freak (and I also i used read all of the stories,so)", I put it on, the story had started with the first red flag, which it was the fact that the person put the homies from ep 3 (cough, cough cassidy) in it and made daniel being supeer okay with that 💢🔥, and i get super pissed because in the story the person put that daniel was jealous of finn stealing sean from him tho in the game daniel is jealous of sean WITH CASSIDY NOT WITH FINN!!!💢🔥(and in the story there was cassidy in the middle), i thought it was so stupid, but keep reading, well, then we got to the shocking part, I got to the part that is close when things...start happening, and I realized that daniel had some weird dialogues and a very strange way for being the victim, I just remember that I felt a pain in my stomach, a bad feeling and thought "wait!?, is daniel who going to do this to sean?, no, no, it can't be, it can't be that", then I went down and I got to the naughty parts, I realized it was really Daniel and I thought "yeah, it is", I was so shocked, so disgusted, it never crossed my mind to invent Daniel doing this to Sean, I never pictured Daniel that way (he was my bratty💧, the sassy pretty kid💧), i never thought of daniel like that with sean, i didn't imagine them like that even in redemption (even daniel being more masculine), imagine then in bb, never!, I got super anxious, I started to shake, my breathing was so labored, I couldn't even breathe, but my mind forced me to keep reading until I finished, because I thought that if I kept reading, if I endured it maybe it would hurt less...

(it's almost like I knew that from now on this version of their pair would be more frequent, so i should get used to it, a-and I didn't wanted to sound boring, or different, I don't understand why I thought that way, I don't care what others think, but at the time I remember that I didn't wanted to be different, i didn't wanted to be the only one), I felt like snow white in the scene with the trees, I had finished reading, totally devastated and a bit numb, I saw that there were some comments, I wanted to see even for maliciousness, i wanted to see if someone was complaining about this shit, but no, and to my surprise every single person that i knew that were the ones that "enjoyed" sean x daniel was praising it, i felt (sigh) so betrayed, the comments people saying things like "possessive daniel is so hot", " oh, daniel topping sean is such a concerpt that should be more explore" and I was like "no, what do you mean?, daniel is not like that, I thought you liked it them together because it was cute💧", I felt horrified, it was everyone, I remember throwing the phone on the bed in horror, then I got up and went to do my tasks to reflect a little, before I talk about this part I need to talk about another situation/fanfic that have a great influence on that day, but sometimes I forget about it (well, before this damn fanfic appeared, the most recent and famous story was a story that had a kinda of lolita vibe, that's what I call this story, the lolita story vibe, this fanfic was also one that had/has a kinda of heavy/nonsense vibe, but I had read it and thought it was okay, I even kinda of...liked it at the time💨, but then one day someone made a comment saying that they didn't like the story very much, because they thought sean didn't seem like sean, he was very pervert and that the story had a kind of strange vibe, very heavy, and the person didn't like it very much, I was so ashamed, I hadn't thought like that, I thought it was okay, I got like "yeah, y-you are right, this story is do weird💧💨"...

continuing, I remember cleaning the cats' potty and mentally saying "I hated this story, I thought it was disgusting, horrible, I want the person who invented it to suffer, I thought it was horrible" but then another voice appeared saying "no ana, don't say that, it's not cool to talk like that about other people's work, the person probably worked hard on it, the story was huge), but I thought "i don't care, I thought it was nasty, I hated it, that was horrible", and then the other voice said "oh, ana, but the lolita story was also horrible, and YOU liked it!, you don't have the right to complain, if you liked that one, now you'll have to like this one too" (it seemed like a dispute between my mind and my heart), I felt so bad, I wanted to take it away from me, but I couldn't open up to anyone, I was thinking about marina, what was I going to say to her?💧, I didn't wanted her to see these dolls like that, I didn't wanted that she sees them like that now too, I didn't wanted her to remain like me, I think it's horrible, but I swear I would give this story a kudo even though I hated it and it made me feel so sick, but it was because I thought that maybe giving a kudo I would feel less bad for having hated it, I finished doing what I had to do, I went to the bedroom and when I updated the page of this ao3 the story was gone, it gone in the same day(it seems like it only appeared to mess with my head cuz it gone right after it), the story had been deleted (and thank god it was gone, i swear i would have given a kudo if it hadn't and i would never-forgive-myself-for-it), i got so relieved, i even felt...happy, but what had it done to me , it was done, even relieved, I still felt strange, I felt that I had lost something, and I say, I feel that on that day I lost my love for these dolls, after that it was never the same, tbh i feel like i lost everything, everything that meant to me (my love for this dolls, my confidence, my stability, a-and my creativity)

[kim-miyeon]

FOUR

PAIRINGS: Lee Felix x Female Reader

GENRE: Victorian AU

WARNINGS: 18+, marriage, blood, mild sexual attempts, strong language, arranged marriage, religion descriptions, angst,  (Warnings vary on chapter.)

WORD COUNT: 5.6K

m.list | three | five

Your mind could not halt the overbearing understanding that you were not in the room with Felix. It had been well over two hours since you had been called back down to your prior engagements. It was tormenting to wonder if he was starving, or cold. Did he need anything? It was driving you mad. You had been unable to focus on any conversations that your guest had tried to have with you that evening, consuming all the congratulations from everyone left you in a daze. And yet, here you were, passing farewells to the last few straddlers who were leaving well beyond the ending time.

“Thank you for coming.” Gregory smiled charmingly at the elder guests as they walked to the both of you shaking hands.

Gregory walked behind the last few guests as they exited to their carriages, softly closing the large front door.

“Wow! I am so exhausted. Y/N!” Your mother exclaimed as she made her way to you, embracing you into a hug. “Do make sure you get plenty of rest for tomorrow’s activities!”

“Yes, Mama.” You replied as she stepped back and your father then walked up to you.

“I will see you tomorrow my dearest,” His palm caressed the side of your face and you smiled softly.

“Gregory, as always, it is a delight.” Your father continued as he reached out his arm to Gregory who proudly shook your father’s hand.

“Of course sir,” He replied and you internally rolled your eyes towards the confidence Gregory had.

“We will be heading to our corridors, it is rather late. Gregory feel free to stay-” Your mother started as you quickly cut her off.

“-NO!”

With all eyes on you, your brain scrambled to make any kind of excuse to your outburst and Gregory chuckled.

“I mean… it is not deemed incredibly appropriate for the groom to sleep in the home of his bride days before they are to wed! It could be considered bad luck!” Your mind was on a mental break as your words rambled faster than you were able to think.

“It seems that my beautiful Y/N is very nervous about that thought, and it is my responsibility as her future husband to respect her wishes. Thank you for the offer Madam, but I will be okay traveling.” Gregory addressed your mother as she sighed.

“Very well, I was not aware you were superstitious, my darling. Have a good night to both of you.” You mother and father then retreated away leaving only you and Gregory in the foyer.

Gregory spun his direction towards you, smirking and rubbing his jaw.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk” Gregory started and you scoffed as you turned your direction away from him. Gregory grabbed your arm instantly and pulled your back towards his chest. Rage began to boil in your veins as his hot breath lowered into your neck.

“Let. Go. Of me.” You gritted.

“Why would I?” His hand grazed up your arm and you began to fight against him as he tightened his grip around you.

“Let me go, I swear –”

“Imagine what it would be like for me to stay in your bed tonight…” Gregory’s cold and rough hand grazed the back of your neck as his mouth made its hot breath near the top of your ear, “uncovering you from this dress, seeing you in all your hot flushed skin.”

You began to feel scared, helpless. Owned. Your worst nightmare.

“I know what I said earlier, Y/N, but I cannot wait to have you all to myself…” He leaned closer into your ear and placed a kiss, “I love the way you fight against me..” You jerked out of his grip, hard.

You angrily turned to him and you pushed him, “Fuck you, Gregory. You are the scummiest, most disgusting human I have ever laid my eyes on. Get out of my house.”

Gregory smirked at you, clicking his tongue and stepped forward a tad.

“I can’t wait to make you mine.” He spoke lowly as he retreated to the door. You felt your body chill and shiver. The idea, the thought that he believed in the future that you would be his ward.

It was almost real. It was to become real.

You bit your lip as it quivered in the fear of losing what little independence this life granted you. And how painful it was that your heart was insatiably craving one person. One person who was up in your closet, hungry and alone.

“Felix.” You whispered in realization as you ran back into the banquet room towards the kitchen.

You entered the empty, quiet room, filled with the aromas of left over delicacies. Your eyes gazed over all the scrumptious food and grew appalled that your family allowed all this food to go to waste rather than those who would need it more. Those like Felix. You began to walk further into the kitchen and looked ahead of you at the long wooden table filled with pastries. At the edge of all the food sat a small woven basket that had been used to collect linens. You softly stepped over to the table. As you looked around timidly, you walked inches further to grab the small basket.

“Milady?” you heard a voice of a man that startled you as you yelped.

“Henry! Oh my, hello. I didn’t know anyone would be in here.” You rambled quickly in embarrassment as the chef Henry stood before you.

“Milady, are you—“

“Famished!” You cut Henry off as you chuckled nervously, “It's difficult to eat when you’re entertaining. May I?” You reached for the basket and Henry gestured at you.

“No no, go ahead!” You nodded kindly as you turned back to the display of food. You began picking everything and anything in sight, you were not sure what Felix liked. You wondered if he enjoyed the same food as you, the same interest. He clouded your mind so much that you were worried he was almost fiction. You heard Henry cleaning up some of the mess and some whispers behind you, which you had assumed must have been servant boys who had stayed late to clean and prep. You slightly turned your head over your shoulders and sighed a bit.

“Do not tell mother. She will have a cow.” You turned fully to Henry who had just sent servant boys off with a stack of plates to clean. Henry nodded to you and you looked down at your gown and back up again meeting Henry’s eyes.

“Henry. The servant boys… they do eat don’t they?” Your voice trembled in sadness by the question and at the troubling fact you even had to ask.

“It’s challenging.. but they manage.” Henry replied and you pressed your lips tightly together. You hated the division that occurred between the wealthy and the commoners. You despised the phrases, wealthy and common. You were born into this life, given food and water, a bed to sleep on. None of which you worked for. None that was a reward for your efforts. All given because you were born and it never felt fair.

“Let the boys eat the food tonight. As much as they would like. Please.”

“Milady I-” Henry stumbled a bit in surprise at your words. You felt the fear in his eyes if your mother would find out, which sickened you to believe that her heart could not allow the food to feed mouths of those who serve us.

“Please, Henry. Leave the scolding to me if my mother were to find out.” With that, you grabbed your basket of food and retreated out of the kitchen, back to where the blonde boy stayed.

*****************************************************************************************************

The large door of your bedroom stood before you as you felt the lightweight sparkles flow within the pit of your stomach. It was so magical, you have never felt so nerve wracked in your whole life. You gently reached out and took a hold on the golden handle, pushing it down and creaking the door open.

The room was dark except for the light of the moon and stars that showed through the bedroom window.

“Felix..”  You whispered softly looking towards the closet. You turned your body to shut the door behind you before you inched forward towards the closet where he was. You knocked on the closet door lightly at first and pressed your ear against it.

“Felix, are you awake?” You asked slightly louder. You were afraid of the lack of response and then you quickly opened the door to find the beautiful blonde boy, arms crossed around his chest, legs pulled in close. His eyes were softly closed and he slept deeply.

“How does one sleep on an empty stomach?” You chuckled and you sat close in front of him admiring the softly airbrushed freckles on his pale face. How could such a handsome man be so real? And here, in your presence? He seemed so fictional in your dreams, so far out of your reach. And yet, here he sat, merely inches away from your breath. As rare as gold.

You brought yourself up, leaving the basket of pastries next to him as you retreated to find a quilt for him. You walked over to your bed and you found a soft cream quilt that you had at the edge of your bed. Carefully, you made your way back to the closet where Felix slept and you placed the large quilt over his fragile body. He breathed in deeply at the motion and you smiled softly as he immediately snuggled into the warmth added on him. Your body began to move without a sense of your mind and you reached out your small hand to his face and you grazed the blonde strands of hair that rested on his forehead. The tingles of the eminent spark flowed through your fingertips as your heart fluttered in awe. This was love. You were sure of it. And it was almost a dream in the way that you were unable to explain how this man, whom you had just met, had this unexplainable attachment to you. You were sure of it. This love meant something, and you couldn’t let it leave.

You stood back up and looked at him one last time, smiling to yourself as you shut the closet door.

“Goodnight Felix.”

*****************************************************************************************************

Your eyes fluttered open softly at the sound of Adelaide drawing your shades and exposing the sunlight. You breathed in heavily and sat up, stretching your arms out and groaning. You felt so exhausted from the night prior and that’s when it all hit you.

“Good morning Milady! How was the ball last night-” Adelaide began as your eyes grew big and you jumped out of bed an anxious mess.

“Y/N? Are you alright?” Adelaide halted her morning duties walking over to you concerned.

“Yeah.. I mean yes, I am fine. I just drank a little too much, I feel a bit ditsy. Sorry.” You shook your head and nervously chucked as you looked over to the closed closet door, wondering if you had been caught. Adelaide would have said something if you were, so you had hoped Felix was still in there, quiet as a mouse.

“I will go fetch some tea, while you freshen up.” Adelaide smiled and walked past you as you nodded to her and waited for her to close your door before you raced over to the closet door.

You knocked firmly, “Felix, are you awake?”

Silence.

You feared that perhaps your memory did not serve you right, perhaps he was a figment of your imagination. But you did not want to believe that.

You opened the door of your closet and your fears confirmed. He was gone. Not a trace. The basket you had brought had disappeared. Your medicine box sat at the top of your closet and when you thought of the quilt, you turned to your bed and noticed the quilt had been laid on the edge of your bed, where you had rested on days before. Untouched. You felt empty, confused. Has this all been something in your mind?

*****************************************************************************************************

The birds above you flew freely amongst themselves as you watched enviously. You wanted so badly to be free from everything. From this wedding, from your fate, from Gregory. Your mind was stuck on last night, and how you had wrapped Felix’s hand and laughed with him. It was such a short time but it consumed your mind. How could it have not been real, when it felt so real?

“Y/N?!” Your name was shouted, only to realize your name was being shouted many times before but you had tuned out.

“Yes?” You looked over to your little sister, Clarissa, who was holding her mallet and looking at you rather annoyed.

“Are you even listening to me? It is like I am talking to a statue!”  Clarissa stated and you sighed apologetically. You two were in the middle of a morning croquet game, but you could not focus at all. Not with the way things are.

“I apologize Clarissa, I am ready.” You gave her a half smile and she scoffed at you as she prepared to hit her ball.

“Are you that nervous about marrying “OH-So-Mr-Perfect?” Clarissa spoked and you rolled your eyes and she looked back at you, noticing the disgust in your face after she had hit her ball.

“Trust me, he is far from perfect,” You began, as you set up your hit and your sister watched you.

“I do not understand,” Clarissa started as you hit your ball and she continued, “if you do not love him, why marry him? I thought marriage was between two that loved each other?”

You paused and sighed as you looked at your sister, almost in an indescribable sadness. Her youth made her so innocent, and naive. The world was showing its brutality to you that you had no choice but to wish for a new world where she could be free of all this pain.

“Sometimes, we must do things for the better of all. In this case, I must do what is best for you and our family rather than what is best for me.” Clarissa looked at you and most likely noticed the hurt in your voice. You knew that she looked to you for guidance and answers. You were her heroine, and she aspired to be you.

“I wish you would do what is best for you.” Clarissa warmly stated and you smiled at her before she grew a big cheeky smile continuing, “Your life almost could be written as a tragic romance novel”

“Oh yeah, and who would be the brilliant author to write a novel about my sad life story?” you asked, setting up to hit your ball again.

“I would!” Clarissa exclaimed.

“Is that right?” you turned back at her and rested your palms on top of the mallet. “And how many romance novels has the great Clarissa read?”

“Quite a bit, actually. My collection has grown rather large, thank you for asking.” You scoffed playfully at her answer and turned back to hit your ball.

“And do I want to know where you acquired these books of yours?” You questioned after hitting, seeing Clarissa walk up besides you and looking at you teasingly.

“Why share secrets when it's more fun keeping them?” She cheekily smirked at you and you laughed together.

You had to admit that sharing these small moments with Clarissa always brightened up your days. She had so much growing to do but was so clever in her own way. You loved her dearly and always wanted to show her a life different from yours. If you couldn’t have the life you dreamt of, maybe she could.

As you laughed, your eyes met over to the side of your home where you saw a figure of a man looking at you and again you felt everything stop. The man with blonde hair and a beautiful smile waved softly at you and your eyes grew wide.

Felix.

“Clarissa,” You turned to her and she looked back, “I’ve got to go and prepare for the afternoon activities.”

Clarissa dramatically sighed, “When will we ever finish a game of croquet?”

You two laughed and you embraced your sister sweetly, before taking off to the home in the direction of Felix.

The steps you took as you neared the corner of your home felt as if they were slower each time. A large bush on the side stood in your eyesight as you noticed the large land expanding to the other side of your estate. Soon you felt a hand wrap around your wrists, pulling you behind the bush.

“AH!” You screamed before another hand covered your mouth and you looked at the eyes of the man that had fallen asleep in your closet.

His freckles had darkened slightly since your midnight encounter, and in the light you were able to see the gracefulness of his eyelashes that fluttered shut when he blinked. You could smell his natural scent, almost sweet as honey and subtle in a way where he came off so peaceful. His nose carved infinitely beautiful on his face. How could one man be so divine and so alive?

“Felix, I-” you couldn’t breathe almost as he had lowered his hand and stood so close to you you could feel his breath. The pit of your stomach flipped in excitement,  “I was beginning to think you were not real.”

He chuckled and you awed in his grasp as he slowly lifted his hand, in an ever so gentle touch, placed his fingertips amongst your temple, pushing a fallen strand behind your ear.  

“Sorry for leaving without notice, thank you for the food. It was most delicious.”  the frequency of his voice rumbled in your ears, and it made you drunk with anticipation.

“I’m happy that you ate,” you smiled brightly, allowing your hand to caress his wrist as well before you felt the thickness of the wrap you had placed on his hand hours before. Your gaze lowered to his wrist and hand where you had spotted that the gauze was developing a dark red hue.

“Your hand!” you announced in concern, “I told you not to put unnecessary pressure on it!”

“I needed an excuse to see you again.” Felix spoke honestly, almost in shame for your concern. You looked up to him and his eyes gleamed at you like two gorgeous suns. You felt his apologetic energy as you sighed at him.

“So you used the tactic of potentially acquiring an infection to do so?” You teased and he shrugged a tad before you laughed to yourself, blushing almost as the heat in your face rose.

“Can I meet you in your room tonight? To patch up the wound?” Felix offered and smiled playfully to which you giggled at. His aurora brought you so much peace and serenity, it was impossible to not want to smile in his very presence.

“And how do I know that you won’t go off to hurt yourself again?” You crossed your arms over your chest in a playful way and he took a step closer.

“Well,” another step.

“If patching up my wound every night means that I get to see you…” a few more steps.

“Then I suppose I’ll have to break every bone in my body.” you inhaled sharply and Felix took a few more steps.

“You are as gorgeous under the sun as you are under the moon.” He spoke deliciously and you felt as if your heart had stopped.

Soon you were against the bricks of your large home, behind the bush, with Felix entrapping you. His body heat was feeding into your skin and you felt flushed. Your heart raced faster with excitement and need. You needed this. You memorized every feature of his blissful face and body. He inched closer into you and your eyes began to flutter close until-

“Y/N!” The sound of the man’s voice jerked both of you out of the trance back into reality. Your cursed under your breath as you peeked over Felix’s shoulder to see the carriage of Gregory in front of your home.

“Shit,” You said and looked at Felix, “I’ve got to go. I’m so sorry.”

You began to leave before Felix grabbed your wrist again and pulled you back into him, chest to chest and you looked at him in confusion as you heard Gregory shout your name again.

Felix leaned in and entrapped you in the most heavenly feeling as his lips landed on yours. Your mind went blank, a sharp bright white as you had removed all barriers of negativity in your life. Because here is what mattered the most. You and Felix, and it was unexplainable. This pull that gravity used between you both. The tension that you two had and you could feel his heart beat with yours in sync. This was love. And even though you had just met this man yesterday, a part of you had known him for years.

Felix pulled back and smiled at you and you giggled a bit. You bit your lip and held your palm to your cheek as you felt the heat rise to the top of your skull.

“I will see you tonight Felix.” You softly said as you turned to walk towards the front of your home where Gregory was, leaving Felix in the bushes, watching you leave to another man.

You walked towards Gregory who was standing by the carriage looking at his watch until he saw the figure of you approach him.

“Ah, finally! It’s about time you came out here. We are going to be late Y/N.” Gregory annoyedly stated and you scoffed at him and lifted your gown to enter the carriage.

Our parents will cause chaos if we are not prepared.” He continued and you looked at him in disbelief.

“Why do you care so much? Afraid I’ll leave you at the altar?” You jokingly remarked as Gregory sat in the carriage and he clicked his tongue.  

You stared out of the carriage as it began to pass by all the land that your family owned, heading towards the town church where you and Gregory will be rehearsing your wedding ceremony. But none of that even mattered to you, your mind was well consumed.

Consumed of the kiss you had just shared with the man in your dreams.  You could not forget the silkiness of the pair of lips that were placed on yours, and the pit of your stomach grew warm. He was peace and tranquility inhuman form. You wanted to be with him every morning, every evening and all the hours in between. But in the back of your mind you had to wonder, why now?

You were to be wed in 72 hours. You looked up to Gregory who was sitting on the other side of you, legs crossed, chin rested on his thumb and finger, staring out as well. It upset you deeply that you had known this man for years, and his reputation. But none of it mattered to your parents. It felt painful that perhaps you were bred for this, to become a pawn of a man’s game. So why did Felix come to you now? What was the reason for making you fall in love with this man, that you had only known in a dream, if it was not to wed to him. Or to be in his embrace. Were you being tested by the gods? When will this unbearable nightmare end for you? Will you ever be free?

***************************************************************************************************

“Oh the lovely couple is here!” The chirping of Gregory’s mother rang through the chapel as you and Gregory entered the large room that was being decorated with lavish ivory colors as the workers were preparing for what seemed to be the biggest wedding of the town.

“Hello mama,” Gregory embraced his mother as you saw your parents walk towards you. Your father was wearing his military uniform, looking very strict and standoffish, but loosened up as Gregory walked over to him to shake his hand.

Your mother came up to you and embraced you, as she began to fix your hair and face by licking her thumbs and placing it on you.

“Mama!” you cried out, swapping her hands away from you.

“Darling, you must look tidy and prepared, this is incredibly important.” She stated and you scoffed.

“Mama, it is a rehearsal, no one is here to witness. It is hardly that important.” You informed as you and your mother made your way down the aisle to the pews, where you then noticed the Father had entered at the front.

He was a tall man, hair thinning out a bit in his head, so you could tell he was an older man. He cleared his throat before he began, “ Good afternoon, and thank you for being here today. My name is Father Chris and I will be leading our rehearsal! Can Greogry and Y/N please meet me in the back of the chapel where our procession will begin?”

You turned to your mother who nodded as she made her way to your father to sit in the pews as your parents and future in-laws observed the rehearsal. Gregory then walked to your side as you both walked back up the aisle to the back of the chapel. Father Chris walked to the both of you and smiled.

“Good afternoon to you both, how are you feeling?” Father Chris asked, holding what looked like a Bible in his hand.

“Well.” you both responded and Father Chris nodded and smiled.

“Very good,  we will go ahead and begin our procession practice. Gregory, you will process first down the right side of the room once the music begins from the organs. Your groomsmen will follow of course. When you reach the front of the altar, you will bow and walk to the right side and turn to face the audience and the aisle where Y/N will walk down.” Gregory nodded his head in understandment and smiled as the Father turned to you.

“After Gregory has found his place, we will have the audience rise for your entrance. You will walk at a slower pace, as you come down the aisle to meet Gregory at the altar. Normally brides walk on the left side of the room but this is a high social wedding, everyone will want to see you. ”

“Yes, Father Chris.” You smiled and he nodded.

“Very good! After that has been done we will begin the ceremony.” Father John turned to walk back to the altar as you stood by Gregory and sighed heavily.

“I don't’ like this anymore than you do Y/N,” Gregory started and you turned to him as he looked at you, “so why don’t we make this quick, I have important meetings to attend to today.”

You scoffed at his egocentric attitude and you heard the organ begin to play as Gregory stepped to the side to walk towards the altar.

He walked with no care in mind, he was confident, wealthy, handsome. And with that came his snobby attitude and his utmost disrespect. He hated this as much as you did but rather than you, he craved the control he was to have. Control to do whatever he pleased and your lack of ability to fight him. It frightened you and burdened you with images of a future where you bear his children and extend his bloodline. For the sake of whom? Your father.

Gregory approached the altar, bowing at the cross before he made his way to the side and turned to face you. You inhaled a sharp breath as you stepped your right foot forward, looking straight ahead of you and the golden cross that bore your sight. This didn’t feel holy, this was betrayal in the most beautiful form. You wanted to run out of the church, you wanted to run so far away. Back to Felix, back in your bedroom, behind that bush, anywhere where your fate did not end like this.

Your mind went blank in deep thought that you didn’t even realize you had made your way down the aisle. Face to face with the altar as you halted. Gregory stood there smiling, hands clasped at the front of his trousers. You bowed at the altar and made your way next to Gregory.

You looked at your parents. To your father. His face was unreadable, but it spoke a million words. Telling you to speak when spoken to and to do as you were told. You swallowed a bit and turned back to Gregory and Father Chris.

“Excellent job! Around this time we will have the audience sit down and begin our service and ceremony as normal. I was told that the bride and groom would be practicing their wedding vows. Gregory and Y/N, if you may.” Father Chris ushering you and Gregory to hold hands.

His hands, cold as ice, rough and ridged. Nothing compared to the soft and gentle touch Felix offered you. But, this wasn’t Felix. Because you knew very well that where an angel is, a devil is not too far.

“I, Gregory,” Father began.

“I, Gregory,” Gregory responded, looking at you in deep concentration. His eyes are as dark as coal, Expressing every malintent.

“Take thee, Y/N, to be my wife…”

“Take thee, Y/N, to be my wife”

Breathe, Y/N. You thought.

“To have and to hold from this day forward..”

Inhale…

“To have and to hold from this day forward…”

Exhale…

You blinked once and then you were gone. Around you was a field of grass, and the sound of a lake. You turned your head to the side and back to the front and you saw his face. Felix.

There he stood in a black and white suit, hair brushed back, face portraying more beauty that the world could produce. You wore a beautiful ivory dress, one fit for a bride. You were holding hands, and he recited back to you.

“I, Felix, take thee, Y/N, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; and I promise to be faithful to you until death part us.”

Your throat burned as you choked a tear through your eyes, looking at the man who you knew that your heart belonged to. You felt the tear fall from your eyelashes and you closed your eyes to let it fall. You opened your eyes again and there stood, hand in hand with Gregory.

“Y/N are you alright?” Father Chris asked you and you looked at him and back at Gregory.

“Will you excuse me for a moment?” You mumbled softly and you turned to run down the aisle and out to the chapel doors. Finding the nearest room you could, you pushed the door open before your heart began to break before you could catch a breath. Tears flowed from your eyes and the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t do this. You knew you couldn’t. It wasn’t fair, none of this is what you wanted. You knew where your heart lied and who it belonged to, and it wasn’t the man you left standing at the altar, lying through his teeth.

A few knocks at the door startled you as you wiped tears from your face. “Who is it?”

“Darling, it’s Mama.” You sighed as you heard your mother call out gently from the other side, “May I come in?”

You trembled and shook as you reached your hand out to pull the handle on the door, revealing your puffy and blotchy face.

“Oh my darling, what is the matter?” Your mother stretched out her arms and embraced you as you continued to sob into her arms.

“I cannot do it, Mama. I cannot.” you wailed into her shoulder as she stroked your back comfortingly.

“Shh, calm down my love. What can you not do?” Your mother pulled you back to face you as she wiped your tears.

“I cannot marry Gregory, Mama.” You started and your mother gasped.

“Y/N! Why would you say such a thing?!” Your mother was clearly upset and you kept going.

“Mama, I do not love Gregory. I do not wish to be entrapped in a marriage where I am not happy. He is awful and cruel, and I cannot-”

“ENOUGH!” Your mother snapped at you which made you quiet rather quickly.

“Now you listen to me, your father has worked too hard for too long for this moment and I refuse to let you ruin it.  All of this is to provide for our family. We have been planning this wedding for years and we will not allow this, foolish feeling to be in our way–”

“But Mama I do not lo-”

“Love him? Darling, those who marry for love, do not live the lives we do. Love doesn’t exist, It's a distraction for those who cannot believe in becoming better for themselves. So they believe that finding someone will make everything better. It's childish. And you, my pet, are no child.” Your mother turned away as she left you standing there in disbelief, feeling crushed and disposed. She reached for the door handle before she turned her head slightly to speak.

“Now, you will wipe up your tears and go back out there. And you will marry Gregory.” Your mother opened the door before finishing her last statement.

“And you will speak none of this nonsense to your father.”

A/N : Hello everyone! Thank you immensely for your patience. This was a hard chapter to write after everything and I hope it served well. I cannot express my love and gratitude to you all. Enjoy!-KMY

Taglist : @exonations @sunshine-lixie @beaann @yumi-xox @changbinswifu @instantlysteadybouquetme @leefelixlovebot @egg-lix @aerastus

[earlgreydream]

time for us.

| loki x reader | angst | fluff |

anon requested. loki has been working a lot lately and hasn’t really had anytime for the reader and he completely forgets about their anniversary and she doesn’t tell him for a couple of days but then he snaps at her and they have a huge argument

a/n: this doesn’t have any spoilers for the show— just mention that Loki works for the TVA (which isn’t canon at the time of me writing this)

You loathed Loki’s new job, working for the Time Variance Authority.

Ever since Loki began at the TVA, they’d managed to occupy nearly all of his time and energy, leaving little to none left for you. Your relationship was strong, but only a few weeks of work had put a strain on the two of you.

He’d become more short tempered, and easily agitated. You tried to be patient, but little things seemed to antagonize you, and soon every small thing was becoming huge.

Above all, you hated to fight with Loki. You bottled up your frustration, shoving them down inside of you and keeping them hidden and locked away. Your limited time with Loki was precious, and you didn’t want to poison it with your annoyance. However, it was doing damage that you hadn’t yet comprehended, building a pressurized weapon that was bound to explode.

It took weeks, but the explosion came.

.

Loki had been so caught up in work that he missed your anniversary. It had escaped his mind entirely, passing like any other day. He was distracted by variants running wild, and the need to please his new boss. He felt responsible for things that were going wrong, and he had put your relationship on the backburner.

You’d been certain he’d take you out during the night, or at least do something to acknowledge the anniversary of your love, but you’d been dead wrong. You waited at home as hours passed, and when his normal arrival time had long passed, the pain in your chest grew until your entire body was throbbing with hurt.

You took your makeup off, along with the pretty dress you wore-- the green one that your husband adored.

Loki had stayed late at work, taking overtime and showing up just before ten. You were so hurt you could hardly speak, but Loki’s mind was too muddled with work to even notice. You were already in bed when he returned home, and he’d kissed your forehead and gone to sleep with less than five words leaving his lips.

You laid awake in bed that night, staring at the wall. You should have told Loki you were angry, said something then and at least gotten it in the open. But you shoved it down with everything else— every other hurt and grievance and annoyance that poisoned you.

.

“Can you set that down, please?” You asked, four days later. You tried to keep your tone even, but you were impatient. The bite in your words was all you could do to keep from tearing the file from his delicate hands.

Loki was in the kitchen, his face buried in a variant case file. He was supposed to be helping you make dinner, but you were dismissed and cast aside once again as his work outshined you.

“I’m working, Y/N! It’s important. Don’t you want me to get paid so you can have your pretty things?” Loki snapped, shocking you.

“No!” You screamed, slamming the cabinet door shut.

He stared at you, turquoise eyes wide in shock at your outburst. He dropped the file on the counter, a harsh glare adorning his stunning face.

“No, Loki! I don’t fucking care about the pretty things. I don’t even know that I care about YOU!” The words were coming out before you could stop them.

“You don’t care about me?! All I ever do is for you!” Loki met your anger, matching your energy and only fueling the fire of rage that was building in your stomach.

“You’re such a selfish liar! You don’t give a fuck about me, Loki! You’re in a relationship with your bullshit job, you don’t give a damn about me! All of your time and your energy... and fuck, even your kindness goes to the stupid fucking TVA!! There’s nothing left for me, and I don’t want your scraps!” You shoved him back when he took a step toward you.

“I’m selfish? You’re needy and dramatic! You’re a spoiled brat, acting out when not every ounce of my attention is being given to you. What, you’re mad that I didn’t help you make this salad? Grow up, Y/N!” Loki’s hateful words poured out, tasting like acid in his mouth.

“No! I’m mad that you forgot our anniversary and that you haven’t seen how much you’ve hurt me!” Tears burned as they streamed down your face, blurring your vision that was bleeding at the edges.

Loki’s lips parted, and realization suddenly crossed his features. He took a step back, recognizing his anger had spiraled out of control, and that your anger was justified.

“I didn’t mean it… I do care about you, I just want you to care about me.” Your voice broke, and shaky hands went to your mouth, stifling a sob. Guilt swelled in Loki’s chest as he saw you fall apart, unable to bear the weight of your anger.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t know how I’ve forgotten. Please, my love, forgive me,” Loki’s tone softened, and he knelt down to his knees before you.

He didn’t care about the messy floors ruining his perfect suit, nothing mattered to him then except for you.

“I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, I just miss you,” you were weeping, unable to hold the sobs at bay.

“It’s okay, scream and cry if you need to, but know I love you more than anything and I am terribly, terribly sorry.”

Loki gently pulled you forward, closing his arms around you. His forehead rested against your stomach, and you laid your hands on top of his head.

“I know. I know,” you stammered in shaky breaths. Your fingers trembled as you dragged them through his hair, overwhelmed with every emotion that washed over you all at once.

.

You got home from work, a couple of days after your fight. You had both apologized, easing the tension over. Loki hadn’t stopped apologizing, even when you promised him it was okay. It had been better since-- you weren’t keeping secrets or harboring anger, and you felt exceedingly better in the aftermath of your fight.

You walked into your master suite, considering a hot bath or a shower after your day. You were lost in your thoughts as you kicked your shoes off, before turning to the bed. A dress was laid out on the end of the bed, glittery heels and jewelry in a box beside it. Loki wasn’t home, but a note was attached, telling you to get dressed and he’d meet you.

You smiled, lifting the black cocktail dress. You changed, fixing your hair and makeup in the mirror. Your day at work had been long, and you didn’t know what Loki had in store for you, but you were excited.

The lock clicked open on the door, signaling the arrival of your husband. You stepped into the foyer to greet him, met with Loki in an all-black suit. A grin spread across his expression as he noticed you, making warmth bloom in your chest.

“You look-” you both started at the same time.

You smiled and tilted your head, letting him speak.

“You look beautiful,” Loki spoke softly before giving you a kiss.

“Thank you. You look sharp. What’s the occasion, what are we doing?”

“I’m so sorry I missed our anniversary. I thought we could celebrate us tonight.”

You broke into a grin, nodding excitedly.

“Yes. Yes, let’s do it.”

“Of course. Let me set my things down,” he kissed your cheek and stepped into your master, cleaning up and dropping his bag.

.

You were driven to a fancy restaurant, one hand in Loki’s as the other smoothed over the wheel of his black sports car. He dropped the keys with a valet, and you were escorted to a table in the back of the place.

“Wine, Mrs. Laufeyson?”

“Please,” you nodded, and the waiter poured you a glass of sparkling pink moscato.

“I’ve gotten us a suite at the resort in the city. I have a bag packed for you in the car, I thought we could enjoy a weekend away. You deserve it,” Loki brought your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles.

“You’re spoiling me,” you giggled, sipping your wine.

“As I should be.”

Elaborate French dishes were brought out on gorgeous plates, looking like something from a food blog. It tasted divine, and Loki told you some history about the dish from some time he was living or traveling in Paris. You listened to his animated stories, thinking about how you were so in love with him. 

“Why’re you staring at me like that?” Loki laughed softly, spooning sorbet into your mouth.

“Because I love you. And you’re charming and cute when you get excited,” you confessed with a grin. 

“I love you too. I’m sorry about everything,” he apologized. 

“It’s okay. We’re past it. Time moves forward for us.”

Loki nodded, leaning forward and smearing a kiss over your temple before retrieving your car from the valet.

“To the hotel?” he asked, sliding his hands over your hips and kissing your neck as you waited.

“Okay,” you giggled, squirming in his arms. 

He squeezed your bum, making you gasp before opening the door for you, helping you into the passenger seat. 

When you arrived at the hotel, there was a bouquet of roses on the table, and candles burning around. He kissed the back of your head, setting your bag down for you.

“Let me make this up to you,” his voice was deep as he unzipped your dress.

“Please,” you smiled, turning in his arms and pulling him into a heated kiss. 

[raggaraddy]

Mouthy

Prompt: You say to Yandere BTS "Oh my god! Just shut up!"

A/N: Couldn't sleep, so I wrote this laying in bed. I hope it's not some sleep-deprived nonsense ^-^

Trigger warning: Yandere themes, violence, emotional manipulation, choking, non-con, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic.

Alpha! Namjoon

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You scream it through your bedroom doorway. Storming to the railing of the stairs, you lean over and scream again. "Shut up!"

The sea of people on the ground floor go quiet. Only the music dares to keep making a sound in the background. You skulk back to your room, slamming the door loudly behind you. You had had a long, disappointing day. You were tired and grumpy, and moody and sad. But the dozens of uninvited pack members couldn't care less as their party raged on into the night.

Not allowing you enough time to even climb back into bed, Namjoon storms after you to address your outburst.

"Y/n, go downstairs right now and apologize." He orders.

"No." you mope. Feeling it's a wildly unfair request. All these people are in your house making so much noise when you're trying to sleep. How is it you that's in the wrong?

"Do you think I am asking you? I'm telling you. Get downstairs now." He says sternly. His strict tone making you even more emotional. You just wanted him to be on your side for this.

"But- But I," you sniffle, with tears in your eyes.

"No," Namjoon cuts you off. "I've asked you all afternoon what's wrong. And you wouldn't tell me. So right at this moment, I don't want to hear it. You have been disrespectful to me and my people. So you are going to put some more clothes on and cover-up, and you will go out there and apologize to every single person." He growls, leaving no room to argue. "And you will do it sincerely, or I will give you something to cry about."

King! Seokjin

You didn't say it to his face. You would never be that stupid. But still, you clearly weren't smart enough. While gossiping to a friend, someone you thought was a confidant, you're complaining about a seemingly endless, boring meeting you had to serve today.

"And I just wanted to tell all of them; Oh my god! Just shut up!" You laugh. 

But hours later it's no longer a laughing matter.

"How did you enjoy serving me today, Princess?" Jin asks his tone giving nothing away of what he already knows.

"I enjoyed it. Thank you, your Majesty" You politely smile, thinking his question to be a kindness.

"I often find these meetings so dull. Many of the Lords do like to ramble on. Sometimes I would enjoy telling all of them to just shut up." He speaks the words so purposefully that you know at once you've been exposed.

"My Lord, I-"

"If you are smart you will not say another word." He speaks softly, with a grin on his face. "I want to thank you, Y/n.  I have an endless supply of other people I can hurt. Each one of them is freely at my disposal, but you are my favourite toy." He fills the space in front of you. "However, I am a man of my word. I swore to you that you will be unharmed if you are obedient, and I would not dare to break this vow. Of course, I have sorely missed playing with my beloved little dol, though."

Towering over you he sets off your instinct to get to your knees and grovel, begging his forgiveness for your carelessness. But that would only be a wasted effort.

"So thank you, Princess, for giving me the possibility to hear your pretty cries of pain again. I will make sure to use this opportunity to its fullest."

Assassin! Yoongi

He had been in a hyper mood for 2 days straight. His energy and enthusiastic interaction was something you always craved, but you had never dealt with it this long before and you were losing your sanity and your composure.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You shout at him as your last nerve snaps.

"Okay, Y/n." He gives little to no reaction. "Remember you said this in a month from now when you're begging me to speak to you."

But it didn't take a month. In two weeks you were in tears apologizing. He left you free to roam the house, but he revoked all communication from you. The only times he gave you any attention, was when he forcibly made you stop doing something he didn't like. Or when he wanted you for sex. But still, he wouldn't utter a single word, only bending you over to take what he wanted.

After 5 weeks, just as you thought you'd never hear his voice again, he finally broke his silence. Only to break your heart.

"Listening to you these past few weeks, I realise how much you talk. It's time you take your own advice and shut up. Y/n, I don't want to hear a sound out of you until I say. 5 weeks was easy enough for me. So let's start with that, and then I'll see if I want to hear from you yet."

Vampire! Hoseok

Hoseok was always so animated. Normally it didn't bother you, but he was talking and reacting through yet another movie and you were sick of it. It might have been because you were PMSing or maybe because Hoseok had forgotten to feed you all day, but when he yelled at the TV, you yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" And right away you were teeming with regret.

"I'm sorry baby. Am I being too loud?" He laughs with an unexpectedly harmless reply. Playfully but roughly slapping his hand on your thigh. "I'll keep it down."

You're not dumb enough to think that your eruption would go unanswered. So you sit tensely, anxiously waiting to see how he will repay you.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, after sitting in silence for 20 minutes. "You know I have very strong hearing right?" You nod nervously. Chewing your lip. "Well, your breathing is too loud and very distracting. I can hardly hear the movie. Can you please fix that?"

You know this is going to lead to something horrible, but you have no choice but to do as he says. For the next 10 minutes, you're completely distracted trying to inhale and exhale as softly and shallowly as possible.

"Hmm baby, it's really too much. I can't concentrate on the film." He stands, pulling his belt off. "Here let me help you."

He wraps his belt around your neck, pulling and setting it so tight that it's biting into your skin. Your throat constricting, barely letting you breathe.

As you wheeze and splutter and cough, he holds the end like a leash. Sitting back on the couch, he turns his focus back to the movie without letting you loosen the strap or get away. Your whole body is shaking, your eyes starting to roll back as you struggle to inhale. The belt is cruelly not tight enough to have you pass out though. Only allowing you to sit in your suffering. The sound of your gasping filling the room.

"Ahh, there you go baby. That's much better. Don't worry, it's just while we're watching movies. And there's only two more left in the trilogy."

Playboy! Jimin

He was telling you over and over how sorry he was. How he didn't mean to kiss that girl. That he was drinking. And that she kissed him. It was every excuse and lie he had spouted 100 times before.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You yelled at him. And for a moment it worked. He sat in stunned silence. But as you got off the bed to leave, taking your car keys with you, he chased after you.

"Where are you going?"

"Out Jimin. I need some time alone to think." You scowl.

But he refuses, blocking the door. Holding his arms to either side to barricade you in.

"No, you can't leave! I said I'm sorry."

"Fuck off Jimin, your apologies mean nothing." You say shoving him.

He doesn't accept that. With a roar, he grabs your shoulders throwing you down onto the bed. Quickly straddling you, using far too much force to keep you pinned beneath him. Tearing off the pillowcases, he makes some shoddy but effective restraints. Tying you to the bars on the headboard.

Ignoring your screams and how you struggle he starts to kiss down your neck, pulling at your clothes, rubbing his hands down your body.

"I'm gonna make you feel good Y/n. I'll show you that I only want you, then you'll have to forgive me." He says sounding desperate and unhinged.

You cry and yell for him to stop, trying to buck him off you, but his hand covers your mouth, his other successfully tearing down your panties from under your dress.

"Don't fight me, Angel. Just let me in. And I'll prove I love you the most."

Dom! Taehyung

Finally, Taehyung had agreed to spend some time with you in a social environment. He and you went out to a movie and dinner with some of your friends. They were vanilla friends though, so as an exception, for the day he loosened a lot of the restrictions and formalities you normally had in place.

You, however, you were getting a little too relaxed. While you joked with you're friends, you started to speak to him the same manner. As you and he were playfully arguing about trivia facts you realized you were losing the debate.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You joke. But in the company of your friends or not, Taehyung was not about to let you disrespect him. Even in jest.

"Is that how you should talk to me girl?" He asks loudly and in front of everyone, bringing the group conversation to a grinding halt.

His change in tone and his use of the possessive pet name, right away have you back in your place.

"No," you whisper. The sting of embarrassment hot upon your cheeks.

"No, what?" He pushes it.

You can't stand to look up. All of the attention is on the two of you. And even in your peripheral, you can see your friends looking at you judgementally, wide-eyed and in shock.

And he was making it worse by having you use his title around them.

"No, Sir." you surrender, your head hung low.

"Shouldn't you also apologise to the other people at the table? For interrupting our night with your rudeness." He keeps piling on one shame after the other. Stretching out the ordeal.

"No, it's fine." One of your friends tries to laugh off the awkwardness and speed the discussion away from this point. "She doesn't have to."

"Y/n," He prompts you, disregarding what your friend had said.

Thoroughly humiliated, you can't imagine how you are going to repair these relationships or explain this treatment away.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the night with my rudeness." you swallow heavily, hands shaking.

"Good girl. Now mind your mouth. Before you make me embarrass you further."

Mafia! Jungkook

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" you say in a hushed voice. More of a prayer said to yourself than an actual demand you expected Jungkook to hear.

"What did you just say to me?" he lowers the phone, gawking at you.

You really didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He was talking on the phone, going into too graphic detail about how he and his men dealt with a threat recently. You couldn't handle the gruesome details he was recanting anymore and the words just fell out.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He repeats again through your nonreply. His tongue running through the inside of his cheek, his jaw and muscles tensing. His voice jumping rapidly from stunned to aggressive.

You're at home alone with him, so you weren't paying much mind to what you were saying. But this afternoon he's been dealing with work. And right now he isn't Kookie, no the person in front of you is Jeon Jungkook. The temperamental Mafia head, who would as likely hit you as he would speak to you.

"I'm sorry," you squeak.

"You're sorry?" He scoffs, slamming the phone down. "If you had said it and meant it, that would be one thing. I could respect that. But you really just can't control your stupid little mouth can you."

"I-" you start a defence, or more a plea for mercy.

"Shut the fuck up!" He growls leaning forward in his seat making you flinch back. Darting his hand out he grabs you by the hair, pulling you back to where you were. "Don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you." He smiles.

You wriggle in his clutches, mewling the same trifle apologies under your breath.

"Shhh, my brainless little Kitten. I'm gonna give you a gift." He smirks. "For your own safety, you don't need to talk for the rest of the day. I just need you to come when I call. Sit on my lap when I tell you. And purr for me like a good little pussy." Grabbing your arm harshly, he yanks you off your chair and onto the ground. "There you go, where you belong." He laughs. "You think you can remember to do all that? I know you can. Otherwise, I'll buy you a kat collar to remind you how my Kitten should behave."

[bibbykins]

Insufferable

A/N: The long-awaited flashback is here! It's short, but it is here! I hope this can really show the turning point in Jungkook's and MC's relationship and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts. As usual, tips are not required but greatly appreciate. Hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful day/night!

Note: This is a part (specifically a flashback) of The Household's Bunny series, so I recommend reading at least the Prologue before this one

Word count: 3.6k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Jungkook x Chubby! Reader

Summary: Roommates are bound to have arguments, especially when one of them is as temperamental as Jungkook, but you didn't expect the first argument to get so unbelievably personal.

Warnings: abandonment issues, mommy issues, allusions to past abuse, family issues, crying, yelling, vomiting, panic attack, exhaustion, some soft yandere thoughts, some possessiveness, jungkook is mean and the MC gets a little mean too

There was something so constricting about memories of a shitty childhood. There were times when looking in the mirror felt like searching for the child in you so you could give her the hug she desperately needed. There were times when waking up felt like a check to make sure you were no longer in the home you had to grow up in far too quickly. However, the comfort of being in a different home only came so far when you didn't have anyone beside you or even emotionally available enough to talk to.

You stayed in bed for hours before it felt like a good idea to move, almost waiting for the mirage of change to fade before it brought you back to the gym with your mom or your uncle's apartment littered with whiskey bottles and leaky tear ducts.

Sometimes putting your best foot forward each day felt so hard with all-consuming loneliness clinging to your heels.

You had started your day going through your memory box. Hindsight said that was a poor idea. The box was a sure way to get you into a bad mood. You liked to think you breezed past all the stages of grief, but just because you accepted reality didn't make it hurt any less. The box was a strong reminder of that much as it sat with a melancholic aura. The creme color faded and the thorned vines connected to roses only added to the malicious undertones of its existence to your mental health. It was full of childhood photos, your birth certificate, school achievements, and the last known address your mom had.

Ah, your mom. What a way to bring clouds to your sunny day. You don’t know why you put yourself through the turmoil of the memory box. Maybe you were hoping it would be easier by now. You were always wrong. Looking through childhood photos and finding no love in the eyes of your mother when she looked at you and watching the love in your uncle’s eyes fade with your mother’s presence. You got to the fated birthday card, thumb rubbing over the defunct address longingly. You held the envelope in your hand, inspecting the birthday card she sent you. Three words in the repetitive note written on the inside caught your eye, and not the ones you so desperately wanted from her.

Feeling a familiar pressure behind your eyes, you tossed the card aside and stood. It was time to eat, go on a walk, do anything other than this. You found your way to the kitchen and came across a silent and solemn Jungkook. His jaw was clenched, but it felt like it always was around you.

Your relationship with Jungkook so far was not very complicated, in the way it was nonexistent. He either didn’t care about talking to you or he actively didn’t want to, you really couldn’t tell. This didn’t stop you from trying, though. Like an idiot.

“I’m making food, did you want any?” You asked from your place seated on the couch, and the silence that was his response for deafening, “Okaaaay.” You sang awkwardly, “I just know that you usually don’t eat throughout the day and-”

“And what do you know?!” He snapped, blinded by his pure and unbridled, but most important unprovoked, rage of you. Your eyes widened and your body jumped. Holy shit, you had never heard him yell like this, “You don’t know anything about me, or in general, so just stop trying so fucking hard!” He was harsh in his tone and it lit your whole nervous system on fire. What the hell did you do to him?

You shook your head, not sure why he was yelling about, but it made your throat feel like it was going to close, “Look, I was just trying to be polite, but you don’t need to talk about me like you understand-”

“Understand?! What’s there to understand?” He challenged, eyes wide like he was expecting you to say something but he continued, “You’re some spoiled girl living here rent-free because your precious dad doesn’t want to take care of you.”

Your heart caught in your throat as it shattered. He was right, your dad didn't want to take care of you, but not in the way he thought. Why was he doing this? Has he genuinely felt this way all along? Was he just holding in his anger until you poked the bear a little too hard? “You don’t need to yell at me.” You stated firmly and it seemed to only make things worse.

“And you don’t need to fucking be here in the first place!” He spoke, temper long lost and you could hear his voice mix in with Jungyoon’s, all he needed was a bottle of whisky and a set of calloused hands, “You didn’t need to fucking live here-”

“You don’t know anything about me.” You spat out. Now, you were losing your temper. You could take a beating, but for only so long, especially as an adult, "And it's not like you're paying rent either, so what do you know about me or my living arrangements?" You hissed and you watched his eyes flare, making you nearly regret your provocation.

“No, but I know how you look naked-”

“Fuck you.” You spit the word out at him, something you haven’t done to another person for a while “Don’t weaponize my work or play a game that you absolutely will lose.” You warned, “I know all about you, and I can use that, because you’ve been a star since you were 15, and that sucks, that makes you mad, doesn’t it?” Your temper effectively lost as you ripped into the rage-filled man before you, “Yet you don’t know anything about me, and that must piss you the fuck off, huh?” You stood from the couch, tears building in your eyes before you could stop it.

“I know enough, spoiled rich girl.” He seethed and you laughed humorlessly at this worldwide pop star calling you spoiled and rich.

“Not only are you wrong, but you’re also a poor listener.” You shot back, “I’ve told you all before Jungyoon isn’t my fucking dad, he’s my uncle.” His mouth opened but you cut him off before he could start, “He can’t stand the sight of me so he travels for work.” Your tears are undoubtedly falling, but you can’t stop, “And you’re talking to me like this because what? You had a scandal or something?” You gave him his chance to talk and boy, he took it.

“Mona told me you know your mom.” His voice was like venom, “So, why the fuck are you here? You have your blood relatives.” He exaggerated the word like it meant anything to you, “Why are you here, disrupting our lives, acting like an innocent orphan girl around actual fucking orphans-”

“I never said I was or acted like an orphan!” You exclaimed incredulously before scoffing, “That’s why you’re mad? Because you never knew your mom and I did? Because I know who my blood family is?” You could laugh at how ridiculous that was, “I know them, so what? Where does that get me?” You looked at him expectantly but he didn’t talk, “I knew my mom, and guess what? She just didn’t fucking want me.” He was silent, but you still couldn’t stop, “I’m sure if your mom could’ve got to know you, she would’ve kept you, because you’re not insufferable to be around, you’re just a fucking asshole.” You wiped at your cheeks furiously, “But me? I had 15 years to prove myself and it still wasn’t enough. I still wasn’t enough. Jungyoon never wanted me either, he got stuck with me and had to cope.” Your voice began to break and you had to take a breath, “I was the insufferable one, so-” You stopped, finally as you regained your sense of reality and watched Jungkook who had an unreadable expression and the realization of the word vomit you spilled out to him hit you like a train as you exhaled quickly, rage in your voice quickly replaced with soft melancholy “I am the insufferable one here, so there.” You shrugged, face a wet mess, “Hope that brings you peace.” Your stomach was churning as you turned on your heel, unable to hold in your sobs. You couldn’t bear the awkwardness of waiting for the elevator so you opted to take the stairs.

You sobbed louder as the door slammed shut behind you, but you didn’t want to linger so you bolted down the stairs, the bile in your stomach signaling that you needed to find the nearest trashcan and quickly. You made it to the ground floor and spilled your guts into the small trashcan. Yelling always made you unbelievably ill, whether it was getting yelled at or yelling, the sickness it made you feel overflowed. The yelling only reminded you of-

You vomited again at the mere thought. You cried harder when you finally finished, breathing becoming staggered as you began to panic.

Fuck, they’re gonna kick you out, and then you’ll be alone again. You lost your temper, people don’t like other people who lose their temper. Why couldn’t you just mind your own fucking business and leave him be? You’re stupid. Why do you think you’ve been alone all your life? It’s because people don’t want to be near you. You’re-

“Insufferable.” You mumbled, numb, even if for only a moment.

Sure, Jungkook provoked you, but you knew better. You didn't go to therapist after therapist throughout your adolescence for nothing. You felt as if you set yourself back eons after that outburst. He didn't need to know all that about you, ever. He probably didn't even care to know, and you said it anyway, like you were gunning for gold in the trauma Olympics. You didn't want to minimize his struggles, you just wanted him to shut up and stop yelling at you. You let your eyes flutter closed as you cried. How can you complain about being alone when you're like this?

You don’t know how long you stayed there, sitting next to a trash can full of your vomit as you wallowed in your self-hatred. The all-consuming loneliness the boisterous house subdued returning with full force. Jungkook was right. You didn’t need to be here. You were only disrupting their routine.

You blew out a sigh as you staggered to the elevator, fully set on going up to your room and crying yourself to sleep after you clean up. You brought the trashcan with you, not having the heart to just leave your puke down there. You thanked your lucky stars when Jungkook was no longer on the second floor as you went to the kitchen and rinsed your mouth before going to take out the trash and take out your burnt oven pizza. Finally, you were headed back up to your floor. You watched the numbers tick by with tired eyes. You glared at the empty trashcan, electing to take it with you instead of making the trip back down to put it back. Surely, they wouldn’t need it for a few hours.

The elevator dinged as you grabbed the black plastic bin and then you were met with Jungkook. Relief flashed across his face before irritation settled on it, “Where the fuck were you?!” He asked hurriedly as you trudged past him, too exhausted to fight. You were running on autopilot the whole way up here, and you couldn’t bear another spat.

“I was on the first floor.” Your voice was low, trying to communicate you were done arguing as you lifted the bin as proof. You then set it down and went to your bathroom and began brushing your teeth.

He scoffed, “You were on the first floor for 30 minutes?” He asked as if he caught you in a lie but you nodded as you rinsed your mouth.

You were down there for thirty minutes? No wonder you felt so tired.

“Yep.” You popped the last letter before correcting yourself, “Well, I spent like 10 minutes cleaning up that bin, so not exactly.”

“Why?” He asked as if you were being ridiculous, as if he wasn’t the one on your floor demanding answers.

“I vomited.” You spoke simply and before he could ask, “Yelling makes me puke.” You were so blase about it he sighed in frustration.

You walked to your room and froze when you saw your memory box strewn about, and it was like a dam broke all over again. You looked at the photos, at the eager little girl looking for love in places she would never find it.

Old habits die hard.

Before you could even stop yourself, you sunk to your knees in garbled sobs and broken cries, “Hey, hey, wait.” Jungkook’s shaky voice did nothing to bring you back to reality as you cried. His hands placed themselves on your shoulder, making you flinch violently, much to his horror.

Fuck, he didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know why you were crying, but he knew it was his fault, at least in part. Even if at this moment it wasn’t, his outburst surely didn’t help. Fuck, he’s so dumb. Fuck, he shouldn’t have talked to Mona just moments before seeing you.

The envy of even seeing your own mother’s face ate up at him and he took it out on you. Not to mention that he made you vomit from the yelling. He suddenly felt more like an arrogant asshole than he did before as his hands now hovered over your form and he took a moment to look at your room.

Scattered on the floor were childhood photos and ribbons from competitions. Things Mona kept in her own house, having a whole wall filled with every one of their achievements. Even Jin had a photo album of their things. And you, you kept all these for yourself. You were the only one who cared enough to save these things and he wondered how much you threw away to maintain space in the small empty box. Fuck, he didn’t know how to do this.

You sighed shakily, “You can just go.” You cried, “You don’t have to be here.” You don’t know what he could possibly gain from watching you cry.

“I know.” His voice was calm, even, “Can I help you up?” He asked and you wanted to look up at him in confusion but you didn't want him to see your tears.

You both had just ripped into each other, and here he was, wanting to help you. Why would he do that? Why would he stay when he doesn't have to? Why would he want to help you up after a fight?

Too tired to even think about questioning him and no longer angry at him, you simply scoffed, “Can you?” You sighed, not having the energy to stroke his ego and stand up without his help.

You never let people bear your dead weight, not wanting the awkwardness if they couldn’t carry you, but right now, you just wanted to lay down.

He snorted lightly, happy to hear anything other than a sob for you, “Don’t worry about me, you just cry and mind your business.” He spoke lightly, and the comment made you fight a smile. Then, he lifted you with so much ease, you figured he was trying to show off as he placed you on the bed. He looked at you after he sat on the floor before his eyes caught onto the gold foil of a 16th birthday card. You were wiping at your face as he read the card against his better judgment.

I know you must be confused, and I can’t help that. I wish I could pretend to be a mom, but I can’t. I can’t be your mom, and I never should have tried. It would be best if we forgot each other. I just can’t keep pretending, and I know you can see it, even if you don’t want to.

I’m so tired.

-Mom

Now, he felt even more like an asshole. He also felt a little bit angry that your mother could just leave you behind without so much as saying sorry. She wrote like she was a teenager and you were her mother. She obviously didn't put much thought into the seemingly last message to her daughter and it made his heartbreak for you, “That was the last I heard of her.” You snapped him from his thoughts and he looked at your puffy face, “She had left months earlier, and then I got that, but she moved before I could try to see her one more time.” There was a distant ache in your words as you looked at Jungkook sitting amongst your memories.

“Is she… still alive?” He asked, not sure why he felt the need to know.

“Not sure, but it doesn’t make much of a difference, I guess.” You blew out a sigh, before looking at your papers and folded posterboards, “I was cleaning out my memory box, and I’m not sure why I do it when I know it just upsets me.” You could still feel tears leaking from your eyes as Jungkook picked up a photo of you on your 14th birthday, posed between Jungyoon and your mom. You had a bright smile on your face and they looked at the camera with a tight expression, “You can really see how much they didn’t want to be there, but that's the happiest they look in all of the photos.”

He wanted to say you were wrong, but he could see it. He could see the happy little girl trying to make up for the unhappy adults around her. He knew he should’ve asked Mona why Jungyoon didn’t try to call or visit or why she was so eager to take you in if you knew your family. He should’ve just known better. Yeah, he understood how it felt to be alone growing up, they all did, but by the time they were all 17 they had a home that wanted them. You were going to graduate from college soon and you still felt unwanted.

No thanks to him.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted and you looked at him with wide eyes, “For being an asshole, I’m sorry- and for making you cry. I just…” He shrugged, “You’re right. I was jealous you knew your mom and I already was suspicious of you and I- I’m dumb, and I’m sorry.” He looked at you, eyes a bit glossy and you wondered when was the last time someone apologized for making you cry.

“It’s okay.” You smiled weakly, “You are dumb, but that’s okay.” You chuckled when he frowned, but eventually, he also broke into a short laugh, “I think… we’ve felt a lot of the same things in different ways, so I can’t blame you.” He wondered how you could be so forgiving, and he was scared of how many times that has gotten you hurt, “I like living here and I like all of you, so I hope I can get you all to like me too, even if just a little.”

“Don’t accept less than you deserve.” He spoke firmly before he started picking up your memory box, putting things neatly back in.

“Wh-”

He waved his hands nonchalantly, “You, sleep, I’ll clean this up and order some food.” He didn’t look at you as he said this, mostly to hide his blush, "If...If you want, I can give this to Jin. He has a whole place he keeps our stuff like this… he's really sentimental." He stumbled, still refusing to look at you.

However, he jumped when he heard you hiccup a cry. Ready to apologize, Jungkook was just about to turn to look at you until he heard you speak, "That… That sounds very sweet of you to do." You wiped a sentimental tear away as the blushing boy remained frozen.

"It's Jin's hobby, not mine." He deflected before waving his hand at you, "Sleep, I said." He frantically demanded.

You could see his ears getting red and you smiled, “Yes, sir.” You mocked in your work voice and made him freeze for a moment as you erupted into giggles while he whined, “Okay, okay, I’ll sleep.”

Eventually, you surrendered to your exhaustion as he delicately put away your papers and photos. He hummed lightly, smiling as he came across your debate team awards. No wonder he lost the fight before it even started. He turned around after lifting the box and sighed almost dreamily as he watched your sleeping face. You were beautiful, delicate, and puffy from the tears. He had the urge to keep apologizing for being such an asshole, but after looking through your achievements and your photos, he resolved to just keep proving it.

He wouldn’t let you get hurt again. Not by him or anyone, especially your mother, even Jungyoon was on thin ice.

His blood boiled at the thought of your mother for a reason he couldn’t understand. His hand extended shakily as he pulled the covers up to your shoulder and you hummed contently, making his heart melt a bit at the little smile you had. He wouldn’t fuck up with you again, not like this. He would be nice, at least a little, and first and foremost, he would order food you liked.

He froze.

Fuck, what food do you like?

He relaxed. Well, he could just ask the guys.

Fuck, they’re gonna ask questions.

Fuck, they’re gonna kill him when they found out he made you cry.

He looked back at your sleeping form, not having the heart to wake you up. He sighed, looks like he’ll just have to bite the bullet. He dreaded each moment as he quickly made an untitled group chat with the guys since you were added to their original one. He could only hope Taehyung wouldn’t change the group chat name to something stupid.

Tip Jar

[dxrkdreamer]

How I nearly killed Sukuna... A narrative (Yuji x Reader x Sukuna Crack)

Part 1/?

Word count: 1.3 k

Genre: crack and a bit of fluff and a bit of angst and a sprinkle of crazy

Warnings: mentions of blood and a car accident

A/N: Hi everyone! This was inspired by the show Dead to me (if you haven’t watched it you’re missing out *cries*) and I thought it would be fun to write my own version of the story but with men from JJK.

---------------------------------------------------------------

“Ugh I’m a grown fucking adult why am I being treated like a fucking 5 year old!” you yelled to yourself in your car, the angsty music blaring loudly. Yep, what a great way to start your day at 6 am. You had gotten into a dispute with your mom when you came downstairs in the early hours of the morning to bake muffins. And now you were rage driving down a forested path just off your town, it was a common path for early morning joggers because it was peaceful and usually vehicle free. And usually free of crazy girls driving above the speed limit.

You had finished your final year of your undergraduate, and like most you had no idea what the heck you wanted to do with your life. So you came back to the town you grew up in…. To live with your parents until you figured something out, or atleast found a job related to your field. Annoyingly enough, most of the kids in your highschool seemed to have come back too, and you ran into a few familiar faces, much to your dread.

“First fucking Mai has the audacity to tell me I dress like I’m stuck in the 90s, then my mom has to say I should slow down on my fucking eating. I’ll eat whatever the fuck I want, its not hurting anyone!” you rambled on “The 90s had good fashion! And my outfit was cute! And I’m trying to grow my booty, ofcourse I’ll gain some fucking weight- WOAH” you yelped swerving your car as you hit… a deer, shutting your eyes tightly as your car came to a halt. Praying that it was a pink deer you hit. Okay, breathe in, breathe out (Y/N), you gulped opening your eyes as you stepped out of the car. Your shaky legs carried to the scene as you repeated the deer mantra.

“It was just a pink dear that was standing on its hind legs… s’okay it's just a possibly dead-”

You froze as you felt your soul leave you, and it seemed even the angel of death was disgusted by you and had thrown your soul back into your body as your vision cleared and your mouth started trembling.

“A possibly dead Sukuna….” well fawk “Yeah no way am I getting caught for this” and with adrenaline pumping in you and a new found strength in your legs, you jumped in your car and drove off to the nearest clearing, hopping out and jogging back towards the body, pulling out your phone.

“Hello, 911 what’s your emergency”

“Hi! There's, uhhh there's-” you stuttered as reality was hitting you in waves as you stared down at the horror “There’s a body… It’s still breathing and there's a lot of blood…”

-----

You drove back home in silence, and went straight to your bed without uttering a word to your family.

You were terrified because you almost killed a man. Fucking Sukuna of all men. He was the very handsome high school bully. Very loved and feared. “He had it coming from someone anyways” you grumbled, he had definitely harassed and made at least half the student body cry. He was two years older than you and relentless as ever.

Second, you lied to the fucking cops. And you were the first witness on the scene. They wouldn’t call again would they? You gulped hiding under the covers. I need to leave town! You thought, but as you checked your bank account you realized without a job it was not ideal to do.

“Ughhhhhh, I almost killed a man holy shit” you groaned, slumping and hiding deeper. “I can’t leave my house ever again” The dread settled in and pulled you deeper into your guilty consciousness and you felt like you would throw up for the millionth time today.

That lasted about 3 days until you realized you were hungry and wholesome home cooked meals were not cutting it. You needed fat and sugar.

“All dressed chips or… barbecue” You wondered, your thumb played with your lip as you analyzed your options “or maybe even cheetos?” It may be awhile until you leave your house again so you piled all three in your arms, your basket already full of other goodies. You took another glance at the aisle as you began walking down towards the checkout, passing by the produce section “And I guess strawberries…. For health” you grumbled picking up the small container, barely able to balance your basket, the chips and berries in your two hands.

“Almost there… almost there” You kept walking, rounding the corner and-

“Fuck! Ouch!” You groaned as someone’s cart banged against you and you dropped your chips, much to your horror, oh and dropped the berries too that were now crushed under the cart’s wheel, staining the floor in red, almost like blood... you grimaced.

“I’m so sorry I should have watched where I was going! Are you okay! Again, I’m so sorry!” you heard a familiar voice and saw a tuft of pink hair crouching down to pick up your items. And for a second time you felt what it was like to have your soul leave your body, and then be rejected and thrown back down.

“Uh, it’s okay” You mumbled, grabbing the things from his hand, turning around, ready to run away and never come back.

“Hey, wait (Y/N)?” he grabbed your elbow turning you around to face him “Hey! How are you?! Did you forget about me already!” he smiled brightly and then pouted at the end.

Dear God…. “What! Yuji! Sorry I couldn’t recognize you for a sec!” You cringed at how shrill your voice must have sounded. “How’s uhh..” How’s Sukuna? “How was university? Are you back too?”

“Oh yeah, I just came back a few days ago, I was looking for a job where I was living before but my brother sort of... got into an accident” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Oh I heard” Shut the fuck up for two seconds please “I mean, I saw him on my morning jog” I hit him I’m so sorry I’m such a pussy.

“You what” his eyes were wide “Were you the one who called? Oh my God, thank you so much (Y/N)! He’s probably only alive because of you!” He gasped and pulled you in for a hug.

He’s also almost dead ‘cuz of me… You shook your head and hugged him back, wrapping your arms around him back and pulling him in tightly and rubbing soothing circles on his shoulder. “Yuji…” you mumbled about tearing up, his strong arms and warmth soothed you and you wanted to rest your head against his chest and confess your sins. But he had enough before you could open your mouth and pulled away shortly after apologizing for his outburst.

“It’s no problem Yuji, How is he anyways…” You asked, biting your lip nervously.

“Well, he’s alive” he chuckled dryly “but he’s in a coma, but the doctors said he’d wake up soon, hopefully” you noticed how he was clenching his fists in his pockets. “If anything he probably had it coming anyways” he laughed

“That's what I thought too!” You yelled and then covered your mouth from embarrassment of your inappropriate outburst, but Yuji just looked at you and burst out laughing even harder.

And his next words hit you hard.

“Wanna hang out? I could use the company, my parents are driving me mad” he shyly asked, trying to act casual about it.

And for the nth time today your mouth spoke without permission “Sure! That sounds great!”

[pink-flame]

Promises Kept - A WFW Missing Scene

Soooo...I let it slip earlier to @mamirugbee that in my original plot outline for We Found Wonderland the scene where Luke finally wins the ring was there. I ended up not writing it because I thought that would be too much angst on top of everything else and you all would riot. But she wanted it and I love her so I wrote it. But then I got distracted with other angst on the way to that angst...so you also get the immediate aftermath of Julie leaving. Oops. It's 2 for 1 night for WFW angst! Just remember I WAS ASKED FOR THIS. Love you, Jenni. 💜

Luke held it together pretty well for approximately three days.

After watching Julie disappear right in front of his eyes, while he smiled...smiled to show her he would be ok...he had sunk to the ground, very much not ok. He had stayed there, just outside the garage doors, dizzy and sick to his stomach while the reality of the situation washed over him until finally the change in light alerted him to the fact hours had passed. He realized somewhere vaguely in the back of his mind through the haze of mental static that the rest of the guys would be home from school soon. He didn’t want them to see him like this. He didn’t want to be the one who had to tell them what had happened, didn't want to see the hurt in their eyes or even worse the sympathy. His instincts were screaming at him to run away from the situation, to escape like he had escaped his parents’ house when their smothering attention and rules became too much. The urge to grab his acoustic and walk out and never come back was strong, his fingers clenching and unclenching at his side as he turned the idea over in his mind.

In the end it was never really an option.

He couldn’t leave his friends.

He couldn’t leave his band.

He couldn’t leave his parents, not again.

And most of all he couldn’t leave the life Julie had almost sacrificed everything to make sure he got to live.

He had promised her a lot of things. That they would make things work somehow. That he would win her that dumb ring. That he would help her reconnect with her dad. That it would always be him and her, Luke and Julie, in it together against nosy bandmates, and questionable record labels, and the looming possibility of being separated by thousands of miles (back when that had seemed like as far apart as they could get).

And he had promised her that he would take care of their friends, and follow his dreams and do his best to be happy.

It turned out that the one promise he had made her that every inch of him was screaming out in protest against might be the only one he could actually keep.

So he would.

Luke unclenched his palms and placed his hands flat against the pavement outside the garage doors. He took a deep if shaky breath then pressed them into the firm surface until he managed to haul himself to his feet, his legs protesting as he forced them to move through their stiffness. He just had time to drag himself into the bathroom and splash cold water on his face before he heard the telltale sounds of his friends approaching, their boisterous voices carrying from all the way down the driveway. He emerged back into the studio, purposefully turning away from the doors in a desperate bid to buy himself a few extra seconds to compose himself before he had to explain Julie’s absence.

“And then I said if a platypus is a mammal where’s their nipples cause that’s how mammals feed their kids, right?”

“Reggie, I don’t know what made you think we want to hear this conversation…”

“Oh come on, Bobby, where’s your intellectual curiosity. Go on, Reggie.”

“Right, so then Mr. Gleeson said they don’t have nipples. They feed their babies by basically sweating milk through milk gutters.”

“Ok...I take it back, Bobby was right. I now know way more than I ever wanted to.”

“Luke, will get it. Hey, Luke! Guess what I…”

Luke turned slowly to face his friends and watched their faces fall as they took in his tight expression. Apparently his efforts to school his face into a neutral mask had failed epically. Luke realized his hands were shaking and shoved the offending appendages into his pockets hoping that would hide the effects of his runaway emotions.

That also seemed to be wishful thinking.

“What’s wrong?” Bobby asked bluntly, taking half a step towards Luke before stopping short when he saw the way he flinched. “Oh.”

“Luke, I’m…” Alex swallowed hard and glanced away for a moment seemingly fighting with his own emotions. “I’m so sorry.”

Reggie was the last to speak, the panic stealing over his face like a punch directly to Luke’s chest.

“Where’s Julie?”

When Luke didn’t answer right away he asked again, shaking off Alex’s attempts to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Luke, where’s Julie?”

“Home,” He answered simply, his voice steady despite the emotions still raging inside of him.

He knew what he had to do now.

He had to honor Julie the only way he could, by helping his friends be ok.

“What? No,” Reggie protested, looking back and forth between his friends as though expecting someone to tell him it was a joke. “She wouldn’t. Not without saying goodbye.”

“She didn’t have a choice,” Luke told him gently. “The portal just appeared and she...she ran out of time.”

“Ok, ok,” Reggie ran his fingers through his hair roughly, leaving pieces standing up in all directions. “We can go to the ghost club, right? We can get Willie to help us get into Caleb’s dressing room and we can go find her.”

“That’s a good way to get killed by an evil ghost,” Bobby pointed out.

“We’ll figure it out,” Reggie insisted.

“Reg...we don’t even know...we don’t know if Caleb still trusts WIllie or not. We haven’t seen him since that night.”

Luke could hear the pain in his friend’s voice and he hated it. Alex might not have had the time to develop the same deep connection with Willie that Luke had with Julie, but he knew his friend had seen flashes of that potential in their stolen moments. The fact that Willie had been missing in action since he tried to help them save Julie weighed heavily on Alex. Luke could see it. He just couldn’t do anything about it except be there for him as much as he could.

He was going to need Alex too.

He was going to need all of them.

“Reggie, even if we could do that she didn’t want us to. She didn’t want us to leave our families or our dreams or our lives here. She fought so hard for us to have them. We have to live like it’s now or never, for her.”

He managed a small, sad smile hoping it would calm Reggie’s rising agitation but it seemed to have the opposite effect.

“Don’t quote your lyrics at me, dude,” Reggie snapped, once again brushing off Alex’s attempts to put a comforting hand on his arm. “You’re supposed to be in love with her. How can you just let her go without a fight?”

Luke felt like his throat was closing up as Reggie’s words hit him like a slap in the face. He knew his friend didn’t mean it, not really. He was just hurt and scared and mourning the loss of the little sister he loved.

It didn’t make it hurt any less to have his own doubts and guilt thrown back into his face though.

Before Luke could come up with anything else to say to comfort him, Reggie reached up to wipe at his eyes and spun on his heels, stomping out of the garage and down the driveway.

Alex shot Luke a worried look before nodding after their friend.

“I’ll check on him. I’ll be right back, ok?”

Then he was gone and Luke and Bobby were alone in the garage.

Bobby was looking at Luke like he was some kind of wounded animal and Luke wished he would stop because the longer his best friend looked at him like that the more tempting it was to totally break down. And he couldn’t do that and keep his promise to Julie. So he would hold it together. He would.

“I’m not going to ask if you’re ok because that would be a stupid question,” Bobby said, crossing the garage to sink onto the couch before patting the seat next to him expectantly.

Luke hesitated for a second or two before sighing and sinking down next to Bobby, the urge to tap his foot or drum on his knee overwhelming though he fought it down. He didn’t need to give Bobby more ammunition about his mental state. Not that he needed it.

“Look, I’m going to miss her too,” Bobby cleared his throat before reaching out to pat semi-awkwardly at Luke’s knee. “And I know it’s going to be worse for you. But I’m here for you. We all are. So just...don’t run, ok?”

Luke could have laughed at that if his mouth had seemed to remember how. His friends really did know him too well. Still. He had already ruled out that course of action.

“I won’t,” He promised.

And he didn’t.

What he did do was dive headfirst into trying to make sure their lives would go on like Julie wanted. He was there waiting when Reggie processed his feelings enough to feel bad about his outburst and showed up at the garage in the middle of the night and pulled Luke into a tight hug that lasted a long time. He was there when Alex wanted to talk about feeling anxious not knowing for sure if Julie had made it back to her time and what she had found there. He was even there when Bobby admitted that he missed Julie but he missed Queenie too and he wasn’t sure that the band was ever going to be as close as they once were. Luke did his best to reassure them all, checked in on his mom, and started calling around trying to book them a gig even though they had hardly any songs they could use and none of the bookers he spoke to seemed particularly interested.

He forced himself to tell bad jokes, and offered to go get pizza and suggest busking so they could refill their food fund.

He did all of that for three days until it was like the adrenaline he had been running off of ever since Julie disappeared into a hole in the ground finally wore off. On the fourth day he knew his friends noticed that he was quieter than normal though none of them said anything, just exchanged mildly worried looks. On the fifth day he lost his appetite, picking at the leftover pizza that Bobby had warmed up for him and refusing the variety of junk food his friend then hauled out to the garage. On the sixth day he slept most of the day, drifting in and out of fitful dreams. He had only emerged for a couple of bathroom breaks and was back curled under the blanket he usually left unused when his friends showed up after school, their worried looks no longer mild.

The 7th day was a Friday but they didn’t go to school. Instead they staged what amounted to an intervention, hovering around the couch (he didn’t bother folding it out now that the possibility of Julie crawling in next to him was gone) and refused to stop staring creepily at him until he sat up with an annoyed huff.

“Don’t you have school?” He muttered, pulling the blanket more firmly around his shoulders despite the smothering heat.

“We’re not going,” Reggie said, reaching out and yanking the blanket away from Luke in on quick movement.

“Hey!” Luke protested.

“We’re worried about you,” Alex said ignoring the way Luke was suddenly looking anywhere but at his friends. “You pretended nothing was wrong and then you crashed hard.”

“You’re depressed,” Bobby said bluntly, because of course he did.

He was annoyingly accurate and to the point at all times unless he was hiding his meaning in some obscure literary quote of course.

“I’m not,” Luke tried, feeling strangely exposed without the weight of the blanket. “I miss Julie...a lot, ok? But she wanted us to live and I’m living.”

“There’s living and there’s living,” Reggie countered, dropping down next to Luke to sling an arm around his shoulder. “And Julie would want you to be living, you know what I mean?”

“We don’t expect you to be ok,” Alex broke in quickly. “Just for you to be honest about what’s going on with you. You’ve been there for us the past few days now it’s your turn.”

“I’m fine,” Luke tried one last time, though his argument sounded half-hearted even to his own ears.

“You haven’t showered in a week,” Bobby pointed out, the softness behind his eyes easing the harshness of his words as Luke forced himself to look up and meet his friend’s eyes. “Come on, rinse the smell off and then we’re taking a field trip.”

Luke groaned but forced himself to stand and cross the distance to the bathroom, his bones aching like he had spent years in bed, not hours. He hardly remembered the shower but when he reemerged some indeterminate amount of time later his hair was dripping and he admittedly smelled a lot better. He still felt a bit like he was walking through a heavy fog though, like some slight, almost undetectable force was making each one of his steps just that little bit more difficult. He thought it might not be the weight of something slowing him down at all but the absence of something. It was like he had forgotten how to do everything right without Julie next to him. Walking and eating and breathing. He knew he had done them all before he ever knew her but that didn’t make them come any more naturally now that she was gone.

Still.

He had promised her he would try.

So he let his friends steer him out of the garage, let them lead him down the sidewalk, Alex and Bobby buffeting him on either side and Reggie walking in front, chattering away and peering back every few seconds as though afraid Luke would bolt if he didn’t keep him in his sight. Luke for his part just shuffled along, grunting out a response when asked a direct question and keeping silent the rest of the time. Apparently the plan was to head to Reggie’s house. His mom would be at work and she had bought him this brand new video game console called a Playstation that the boys were all dying to try out. That newly separated parent guilt was apparently good for a few things, like letting Reggie have ice cream every night and expensive gifts. Luke was pretty sure that none of them were particularly in the mood to play video games and were putting on the enthusiasm for his sake. He appreciated it. He just couldn’t match it.

But once they were actually in Reggie’s room, crowded around the little television he got for his last birthday, Luke had to admit he did feel a little more like a human being. He even caught himself laughing as he watched Alex and Reggie squabble over the second controller as Bobby clutched his above the fray. Reggie grinned when he saw Luke’s brief smile and shoved the controller they had been fighting over into his hands.

“Here, you try!”

And he couldn’t stand to see Reggie disappointed, not when he had seen him so hurt so recently. So Luke did try. And he let himself enjoy it. And he let himself tune out and pretend that there wasn’t someone missing.

He did such a good job at pretending that it wasn’t until they had left Reggie’s house several hours later in order to keep his mom from knowing they had skipped and headed for the ice cream shop that the gaping absence all came crashing back.

Because right around the corner from the ice cream shop was the arcade.

And right inside of the arcade entrance was a claw machine.

And inside of that claw machine he could only assume there was a purple plastic ring that would now never sit on his girl’s finger.

He couldn’t explain why his feet carried him towards the arcade but they did, seemingly without any specific direction from him.

“Luke....” Alex’s worried voice called after him but he didn’t pause until he was standing directly in front of the damn game that had been haunting him for months.

And there it was. The ring. Mocking him from the exact spot it had been in all along.

Apparently his friends had caught up to him by then because when Reggie spoke up it was from directly behind him.

“You’ve got to let that thing go, man,” His friend said carefully. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Luke found himself understanding Reggie’s initial reaction to the news about Julie’s departure because all of the sudden he was angry. He wasn’t just angry, he was furious.

He brought his fists down in tandem on either side of the joystick, feeling the reverberation up his recently healed arm and had just enough time to wonder if that was the smartest idea before words were bursting out of him unbidden.

“It matters,” He said fiercely, ignoring the way Reggie flinched slightly. “It matters. She matters. She matters to me and she’s gone and I said I would give her that ring and I didn’t and now I can’t and...and...it just matters, ok? It just does.”

Alex and Reggie both stared at him, eyes wide with worry seemingly unable to land on something helpful to say as they watched him finally implode. The silence stretched and Luke was just about to kick the machine just to have something to fill the gap and give him another chance to externalize the storm brewing inside of him when Bobby stepped forward calmly.

“Here,” He said, his voice calm and even. “Go ahead.”

He held out his hand and Luke instinctively stuck his out to catch whatever Bobby was trying to hand him. He folded his fingers over the mystery object to keep it from falling to the ground, before uncurling them carefully to examine it.

It was a quarter.

Luke looked up sharply expecting to see sympathy or something worse on Bobby’s face but all he saw was that look his best friend gave him when they were disagreeing on a song or when they couldn’t agree on what toppings to order for their pizza. Or maybe more like when Luke had wanted to use those fireworks for pyrotechnics or when he had suggested a book club as a viable gig. Like he didn’t approve of what Luke was doing but also like he was going to be right there behind him, letting him know he was an idiot and then helping him anyway.

Somehow it was exactly what Luke needed.

So he didn’t say anything else, just swung to face the machine and deposited his quarter in the slot before he could think better of it.

The game came to life as he swung the joystick jerkily to the right, not letting himself think too hard about the exact aim as the claw hovered over the ring in it’s plastic container. He slammed his hand down on the button to drop it probably harder than was strictly necessary but it felt good to have an excuse to hit something. The claw dropped and clutched it’s mechanical arms around the plastic container. Luke tried not to react, afterall he had gotten this far many times before, but the weak arms always released the ring long before it could actually make it to the prize shoot. But even as that hopeless thought crossed his mind the claw was rising, taking the ring with it and this time it didn’t drop back to its former spot. This time the ring remained locked in the claw’s embrace until it tumbled down into the prize shoot leaving all four boys to stare at the machine in surprise.

“Did that just…” Alex started.

“You did it,” Reggie practically whispered, disbelief clear in his voice.

Luke for his part just stared at the claw machine that had once again gone silent and still as he tried to process what had just happened. He had been so angry a minute ago and he could never win the ring and it didn’t matter because Julie was gone...Julie was gone...but it did matter and now he had won the ring and...did he really just win the ring?

Once again it was Bobby who broke them all out of their stupor, stepping forward and reaching through the metal flap to retrieve the ring, pressing the plastic container insistently into Luke’s shaking hands.

“You did it,” He said simply but firmly.

“I did it,” Luke echoed, his voice slightly choked.

“You said you would and you did,” Bobby continued. “It’s ok, Luke. You did it.”

Luke was very aware that Bobby was talking to him like a small child and he wanted to be offended, he really did, only he felt like a small child. Like nothing made sense and all of his emotions were too big for him. He had tried for so long and so hard to win that stupid ring, had seen it as a metaphor for how he felt about Julie, how he would do anything for her, how he wanted her to know that as intrinsically as she knew her own name. He had tried so hard and it had never worked and now she was gone and the very first time he tried, the first time, and he had done it.

Luke felt tears pricking at his eyes and did his best to fight them down.

“Luke…” Reggie started, his own eyes looking suspiciously wet.

Luke couldn’t bear to hear what Reggie was going to say or to make eye contact with any of his friends when he felt on the brink of breaking into sobs. He spun to face the machine again only that didn’t seem to help. His vision went blurry and his throat went tight and the next thing he knew he was breaking down into sobs. He tried to stifle them in a fit of embarrassment but there wasn’t much point. The tsunami had started and all he could do was ride the wave and pray he was in one piece on the other side.

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the claw machine, the soothing temperature doing little to slow the tears rolling down his face or the hiccuping, painful sounds that were emerging from his mouth. The ache in his chest was almost unbearable but it was matched by the sharp pain in his hand as he clutched so hard at the ring’s plastic container he was sure it would leave an angry red outline when he finally uncurled his fingers.

He loved her.

He loved her so much.

He loved her and he was never going to see her again and he won her the ring and she was never going to know it.

He was so alone.

Only he wasn’t.

Because suddenly there were warm arms wrapping around him from every direction, cheeks pressed against his shoulders and the top of his head, soft words of comfort being spoken in three different voices.

“It’s ok, Luke.”

“Let it out.”

“We’re here.”

And he did.

He had promised Julie they would do their best to be happy. He intended to keep that promise. But today all he felt was pain. And that would have to be ok too.

And it was.

And they were.

Not all at once.

Not for a long time if he was being honest.

But slowly and steadily genuine smiles, and laughter began to work their way back into their lives. They didn’t talk much about Julie at first. It hurt too much. But eventually Reggie brought up a story about her over pizza and soon they were all chiming in, recounting their favorite moments with the girl who would always live in their hearts even if she could no longer live in their world. After that they brought her up often and it hurts but it also heals.

Luke took to wearing the ring around even though it was too small for all of his fingers except his pinkie and often got stuck even then. Bobby didn't comment on the way his finger was starting to turn as purple as the ring itself, simply handed him a black cord one day for him to string it on and brushed off Luke’s rush of thankful words. After that Luke wore the ring on a cord around his neck, dangling down to thump gently against his heart as he walked, the cool plastic a constant reminder of what he lost but what he gained too.

He wasn’t living the life he would have chosen for himself but he was living the life Julie had chosen for him. He hoped the two would come together eventually. He had to have faith that they would.

Eventually he sat down to write a song for her and ended up with a poem instead.

Eventually he had the idea of sending her a message through time, a box filled with all of the things she had loved and left behind, all the ones that would fit in a small box anyway. Eventually he pried the teddy bear version of himself out of Reggie’s reluctant fingers to go inside. Eventually placed all of their carefully selected polaroids inside too.

And eventually he slid  a purple ring off of the cord he wore it on, placed it carefully back into its original container and left it for her to find with a lingering kiss pressed to its surface.

Eventually.

But first.

He lived.

Tag list: @futurearchaeologyprof @moreflowersthanweeds @chickwiththepurpleguitar

[little-butterfly-writes]

Hiii I hope you are having a good day I’m kinda new to tumblr so Idk where to request and ask stuff but yeah can you write something where Victor (MLQC) has like a very weak child I just want some domestic stuff 🥲

Of course dear! I apologize for being so late. I hope this was what you were looking for, I'm not too proud of this in all honesty. ^^'

Notes - The name Hao is Chinese and means 'perfect' or 'well'. I thought it'd fit well! Hao is around 6, making him a kindergartener.

Warnings; Bullying.

Word Count - 1980

Our little boy Hao was a product made from me and Victor’s love. When we decided we wanted a child on our first anniversary of marriage, we tried nonstop until the single line turned to two lines. I remember how happy Victor was when I told him the news. He held me tight against his chest and whispered how much he loves me.

Hao, our son, quite literally lives up to the meaning of his name. He is perfect in every way. He has my eyes and nose, and the rest of his features take after Victor’s. Hao is always so kind to others and is as intelligent as his father.

~~~~~~~~~

I’m still half asleep, clinging close to my husband still. His arm around my waist hugs me possessively to his body. I can feel his fingers running gently in my hair. Victor has always been extra cuddly on the weekends, Especially on Saturdays, when no one has to get up early. Hao is never picky about getting up early, but he likes to get extra sleep when he can.

I snuggle closer to Victor. Morning cuddles are always my favorite. Victor is always slightly disheveled, much more different from his everyday look. He kisses my forehead softly. I’m nearly asleep again when I feel Victor’s weight shift. A small body crawls in between us.

Hao takes Victor’s spot for his snuggles. Victor huffs and holds us both to him. I can imagine the small pout taking place on his face. I chuckle and hold my son close to me. “Mommy! Time to get up!” He says, burying his face into your neck. “I’m up, I’m up.” I say, giving Hao a kiss on his forehead. Victor’s baritone voice pipes up, “Are you hungry?” Hao nods vigorously. “I still wanna cuddle mommy though, give me a few minutes.” I pat his inky hair, giggling at Victor’s disgruntled face. “Are you excited for school tomorrow? It’s your first day!”

Hao nods with a starry look in his eyes. “I’m so excited to start!” Victor chuckles. “Don’t be late like your mother.” I huff and pout. “It was ONE minute Victor…” Victor smirks. “One minute and fifteen seconds.” I try to banter, but he’s already getting out of bed to make breakfast. Hao and I get up as well and make a beeline to the dining room.

We spend our Sunday lazing around, making sure Hao’s bag is all ready for tomorrow, and relaxing on the couch. After tucking Hao in around mid even, Victor and I head to bed as well.

The next morning, I gently wake up Hao and tell him to get ready while Victor makes breakfast. I hop in the shower for a quick wash and get ready myself. We all meet in the dining room and eat our food in peace. A thought crosses my mind as we walk out the door and I panic. “Victor, we didn't pack him a lun-” He squeezes my hand. “Dummy, I packed one for all of us. Don’t worry.” I sigh and walk to check Hao’s seatbelt before we drive to drop him off.

We follow Hao to his classroom and meet his teacher. After a few pleasantries, Victor and I take off for work. He drops me off at my building before heading off to LFG.

I walk to Hao’s school to pick him up since filming ended early today. I wait on the bench in the school’s exit and keep an eye out for him. He’s talking to a group of boys by the gate, so I decide to let them finish talking. He must’ve made new friends already.

Hao walks over to me a few minutes later with a solemn look on his face. “Hey, honey. Are you okay? You look upset.” I say placing my hand on the top of his head. “It was fine. I’m just tired.” I notice my son’s voice is a bit softer and donning a tone of sadness. “Little Hao, are you sure? You sound upset.” He shakes my hand off and holds it with his tinier one. “Yes, I’m sure. Can we go home? I want to take a nap.” I can feel my maternal instincts screaming at me to prod on, but I end the conversation there.

Around late afternoon, Victor comes home. Hao doesn’t greet him like he usually does when he sees him. He says hello and goes back to his room. I find it odd for someone his age to act like this. “Victor,” I sigh. Victor holds me to his chest. “Is Hao okay?” He asks. I shake my head no. “I was just about to say, I don’t think he had a good day at school. He’s been like this all day.” I melt as Victor strokes my hair. “We’ll keep an eye on him tomorrow after school. I’ll make him pudding tonight, maybe he’ll feel better after eating that.” I nod in agreement. Despite all our years being married, Victor never stopped caring about me or Hao. Even if his love was still a little rough on the edges, his actions always show it.

During dinner, Hao is still quiet. We try asking him questions about his day, but only receive half hearted responses. Then I noticed some bruises on his arms. “Hao, did you get hurt at school today?” I say putting my hand over his. He nods yes, “I fell at the playground today. It’s fine.” Victor and I share a concerned look. “Is someone bothering you at school?” Victor asks gently. “No!” The three of us are startled by Hao’s sudden outburst. “No daddy, no one is bothering me at school.” Victor doesn’t seem convinced, but he lets it go for now.

Victor brings out the pudding after putting our dishes in the dishwasher. Hao refuses, saying that he’s still full from dinner and asks to be excused. I nod yes, placing both of our puddings in the fridge, not feeling happy enough to eat it myself.

This seems to go on for a few more days. Hao’s little bursts of anger, the sadness in his eyes, distancing himself from me and Victor. Victor decides to arrange a meeting with the school’s faculty to see what could be causing this.

On the day of the meeting, Victor’s hand is on the small of my back, comforting me softly. It’s dismissal time, so there’s a myriad of students exiting the building. Despite all the noise and chatter, I hear a familiar yelp. Victor seems to hear it too seeing as how we both move to the direction of the noise.

There we see it. A boy perhaps in the same grade as Hao or maybe one above hitting our son in a secluded area. I shout out to him and he looks over our way, seeming to be just as relieved to see us. I kneel down and hold his shaking body to mine. The other boy tries to find a way to escape, but a glare from Victor stops them dead in their tracks. I leaned to whisper in Hao’s ear, “I know you’re scared, but I need you to go get your teacher. Can you do that for me?” He wipes his tears while nodding and heads off. I grab Victor’s hand and look up at him. I can see the scowl on his face, nearly red with rage.

In the office with the boys and Hao, we wait to talk to the principal. Hao sits on Victor’s lap, giving his arms a small examination for any more bruises. I hold onto Hao’s hand, occasionally giving a small squeeze to reassure him.

The minute the mother of the other child is here along with the principal, Victor stands Hao near me and bolts up.

We walk into the office, Hao now relaxing on my lap. Victor is to my right and the other family is next to him. I have to fight back my tears of anger and guilt as Hao clings as tight as his small body can to me. “Did you have any idea that this was going on? My son has been bullied for days since the beginning of school. You can see the purple marks on his arms.” Victor says, nearly sounding feral. “It’s the beginning of the year, it's been so stressful for all of our teacher’s to notice-” Victor cuts the principal off. “I don’t want to hear any excuses. I don’t care if it’s the beginning of the year. I’m pretty sure it’s easy to notice signs of a bully.”

The child’s mother spoke up, “They’re just boys being boys. You and your son are overreacting.” I roll my eyes and bite my lip. “Excuse me, but if that was the answer Hao wouldn’t be coming home depressed and angry.” I hear her scoff. “Tell her Jin, you were just playing, weren’t you?” Jin sneers, “Yeah, it was just playing. You’re whining for nothing.” A gasp escapes my lips.

Hao grips onto my shirt. “It wasn’t playing! I didn’t like it, I was getting hurt..” I cradle his head to my chest and press a kiss on a tuft of hair. Victor’s knuckles are white from his grip on the chair’s arm. His voice is venomous, “It’s very clear to me that this school isn’t right for Hao. If you didn’t notice this, then what else haven’t you noticed? We’ll be transferring schools immediately.”

Hao’s lip quivers hearing his father’s voice like that. The principal tries to reason, but to no avail. Victor has already made up his mind. “I will also be pulling my funding from this school. I see no benefits from it.” Now the principal is having a full blown fit. Our family headed out of the school and on our way home.

At home, Hao eats his pudding while sniffling as Victor and I sit on opposite sides of him. I have a small ice pack for when he wants to put them on his welts. “Hao, why didn’t you tell us about this?” My voice sounded like a plea. He puts his spoon down and his head droops. “I thought I could be strong like daddy and take care of it myself, but it seems like I can’t even do that…” I look up to see Victor’s reaction. His eyes are wide and his mouth slightly agape.

Victor places a hand on Hao’s back. “Hao, you don’t need to be like me.” Hao tears up, “Yes I do! You’re always so brave and strong! I wanna be like you so I can take care of mommy more.” A small hiccup leaves his mouth.

“Hao, you don’t need to be like me. I never started out this strong and brave, it takes some time to become like this. Your mommy helped me gain courage.” He says with confidence. “Daddy, do you promise?” Victor nods, drawing Hao into a tight hug. “I promise. And no matter what, I’ll be proud of you.”

~~~~~~~~~

I wake up on a Sunday morning to a cold bed. I get up and walk up to the window, seeing Hao and Victor walking back from their jog around the block. We decided as a family we would walk together after dinners. Victor and Hao made an agreement to go on runs together on the weekend. I giggle and sneak a picture of my two boys, setting it as my wallpaper and send it to Victor.

I walk downstairs just as they walk through the door. Hao’s eyes light up and he rushes to hug me. “Little Hao, are you excited for school tomorrow?” He wiggles in my arms delightfully. “Yes, yes! I like this new school a lot more!” Victor smiles and squeezes us both in a tight hug, leaving a kiss on my forehead.

[pascalpanic]

Blood, Sweat, and Tears (Javier Peña x f!Reader)- Chapter Nine

Summary: Javier struggles in the hospital, but some of the symptoms are more somatic than physiological. He’s released, and the two of you have your first official date.

W/C: 4.2k (it just keeps getting longer... chapter 10 is 6k+)

Warnings: language, mentions of injuries, Javier used to be an asshole but he’s baby now, some innuendo/sexual flirting, brief mentions of food and alcohol

A/N: This chapter was actually hard to write! I had clear visions for 8 and 10 but didn’t have one for nine. Nevertheless, I really liked the way this turned out! I’ll post some sappy shit with chapter 10 but please know I love u all for reading and sticking around- it makes my little heart so happy that u guys love these two like I do <3

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Sleep is not easy when you have a massive stab wound in your abdomen. Javier hardly slept to begin with, but this makes it even harder. You tried offering sedatives but he harshly refused. You ordered dark and quiet for his room, but his sleep schedule was so helter-skelter before the accident that it was of no use to even try to fix it now. He can’t adapt when he’s not even in his own bed, he argues with you. Too damn bad, you tell him in return.

The only time Javier could sleep, it seems, is with you in the room. Specifically, in his arms.

It’s not that he thinks he’s unsafe. Hell, a hospital is the safest place he can be. It’s not that he fears passing in his sleep; he knows he won’t bleed out at this point. No, he just can’t sleep unless he has the comfort of a warm body wrapped up next to him. Specifically, the woman he loves.

You stand in the doorway with your hands on your hips. “Javier. I’m working.”

“This is specialized therapy for a patient,” he offers, persuasive as ever.

“I can and will get the opiates,” you threaten. “You can’t stay awake forever, and we both know that.”

“Ángel. I just… need the security.” He looks desperate. His eyes are tired. He’s slept very little in the past few days, leaving him agitated and restless. “The only time I’ve slept well in here was when you were with me.”

You pout a little. It’s adorable, you must admit, and most of all, it’s true. You and other nurses have been catering to him around the clock, since he only sleeps an hour here or there.

Sighing, you look at him. Your eyes are tired too. You’ve slept only when he sleeps, which is barely anything. You’re working on the floor or in his room with him. “Let me go talk with Connie, cariño. I’ll see what I can do.”

You walk into the break room with tired eyes. “Listen, ladies.” Both Connie and Lorena are sitting at a table, eating something. “Javier isn’t sleeping. He asked for me to stay in there with him to get some rest. It’s the only way it’s helped so far. Would you two cover my rotation? Just for tonight?”

Lorena’s large eyes sadden, and she nods. “Por supuesto. Anything you need, love.”

Connie’s not as enthused, but she nods. “You’re lucky this floor is dead empty.” It’s all too easy to imagine this was happening to Steve instead of Javi. That’s what makes her cave.

You sigh in relief. You take a quick shower then return to Javier’s room in a pair of clean scrubs. He smiles a little. “Hey.”

“Hi. You hungry?” You ask, walking to his bedside and taking his hand.

He shakes his head. “Just tired.”

You smile softly. “Well, you’re in luck. Connie and Lorena are angels.”

“No, you’re my angel,” he says with a teasing smile on his face.

“Well they’re mine. You’re the devil on my shoulder,” you laugh quietly and sit on the edge of his bed. He chuckles and pulls you into him, and you snuggle in against him, your eyes slipping shut. He murmurs affirmations of his love for you into your hair as he falls asleep.

And that’s how Javier sleeps for the next few nights. Bits and pieces during the day, but only restfully when you’re in his arms.

The rest of Javier’s stay in the hospital is uneventful. He’s a model patient for you and the other women. He apologizes to Lorena for his outburst under the influence too.

“Ángel,” Javier calls as you try to leave the bed and takes your hand.

“Yeah, cariño?” You ask and sit on the edge of his bed, pushing his dark hair from his forehead. The name makes him feel warm and tingly inside. Pet names from women who mean it are all too rare to him.

“I… should tell you about Lorraine.”

“You don’t have to, Javi,” you shake your head and cup his face softly.

“No, I really should,” he protests, and you nod.

“She was my high school sweetheart. We both went to college and came back and fell in love again.” You nod along to the story, watching his facial expressions. He looks far away, like his mind is back in Laredo. “We were engaged. I proposed and everything, did the whole damn thing.”

“What happened?” You ask softly.

His eyes don’t meet yours. “I got cold feet. I… left her at the altar,” he admits. He’s terrified you’ll run out the door now. It’s not an easy decision, to run away from a life you’re about to lead. It’s even worse when you know what that whole church, full of people, will think. But he did it anyway, and he’s scared you’ll never look at him the same way.

You swallow hard. It’s not what you’re expecting him to say, but you have to admit that it does sound in-character for the man. “And how long ago was that, Javi?”

He looks back up at you. “Jesus. 15 years now maybe.”

You nod, giving him a gentle smile. “Time changes people. You know that. I know that. Your past is the past, love.” You press a brief and sweet kiss to his lips. “I love you, Javier. Don’t you ever forget it.”

You stand and leave his room.

Goddamn, Javier thinks. You really are an angel. You must be, to have that response to what he just told you.

Several days after the injury, Javier is discharged from the hospital.

Despite his rage and arguing, the embassy refused to clear Javier for work. He was to be placed on a brief leave to heal and return when he was up to walking on his own again, without some kind of balance or assistance. Steve agreed to bring Javier some things to work on every night after returning from the office. Javier is already a restless man, and neither you nor the Murphys want to find out what happens when he’s bored all day, his best friend and his girlfriend both too busy to be around. Besides, a deep dive into some cases couldn’t hurt, he argues, and Steve relents. You and Connie take on the responsibility of checking up on him at least once a day- usually her more so than you, due to the fact that she lived directly above him- and of running any errands he may need, for things like food or medication.

As you wheel Javier from his hospital room out to the Murphys’ car, you realize you don’t have his phone number, nor does he have yours. You stop the wheelchair in the hallway and grab a pen from a nearby table. “I know it’s kind of unprofessional to give a patient my phone number,” you chuckle and squat to his seated height, “but I really think you’re cute,” you flirt as you write your phone number on his hand with a permanent marker.

You hand him the pen and Javier grins, his neatly-trimmed mustache (courtesy of Steve’s steady hands) moving with his cheeks. “You’re lucky that I think you’re cute too or I’d be telling your supervisors,” he laughs and steals a kiss before writing his phone number down on the back of your skin.

“It’s kind of weird,” you admit as the thick felt tip brushes against your skin, “that I’ve told you I love you and I don’t even know your phone number.”

Javier chuckles and caps the pen. He holds up your hand and raises an eyebrow. “Now you do.”

-

Three days pass, and Connie gives you updates on his condition whenever she sees you. He’s still in a lot of pain, but he’s lucky he was strong beforehand. You know that for a fact, and it hurts your heart to picture those beautiful abs you caught a glimpse of not too long ago marred by a scar he’ll surely have.

As you get home from a shift, you sigh and plop down on the couch. It’s late, you notice, but you miss Javier. Knowing him, he’s probably awake; you’re sure his sleep schedule is still as terrible as it was before the hospital. You grab the phone from the end table next to your spot, dialing his number and waiting.

Javier picks up on the second ring. Of course he’s awake. “Peña,” a gruff voice answers. It makes you smile. For a second, you want to just continue on without him knowing it’s you, want to observe how he acts when he’s with others. He’s different around you, you know that, and it’s adorable, you have to admit. “Hello?” he asks, annoyed.

“Hi,” you laugh softly through the phone. “It’s me. Sorry, I just got distracted. You sound sexy when your voice is like that,” you tease him.

There’s a smile in his voice when he responds. “Not a problem. How are you, hermosa?” he asks.

“I should be asking you that, Superman,” you laugh softly, leaning back against the couch. His voice instantly puts you at ease.

Javier laughs too. “Superman?”

“Big, strong. My protector.”

“Says the one who literally saved my life.”

“Who’s to say that cold wouldn’t have killed me if you didn’t take me to that diner?”

“Me.”

“I’m the nurse here.”

“And I’m Superman, apparently.” You laugh at that, wanting to reach through the phone line and kiss him then and there. “I’m no Superman, hermosa. I do bad things.”

“We all do, Javi.”

“Not as bad as me.”

“Gotta do bad things to catch bad people. You told me that. Are you trying to be this difficult, or does it just come naturally to you?” You ask sarcastically, smiling into the phone.

“I’m just telling you I’m not actually a good guy,” Javier says, his slight frustration evident.

“I was never under the impression you were. Is this you trying to push me away?” You ask, knowing that’s not the answer but hoping it’ll put some sense into him.

“No, no, cariño, I just-”

“Good, because we’re having our first official date tomorrow night. Okay?”

Javier chuckles a little at that. “I’m homebound. I appreciate the offer, but-”

“Oh no, Superman. I’m coming to you,” you tell him, curling up into a ball and grinning. “I’m getting takeout and wine- or whiskey, if you’d prefer- and we’re having a date night at your place. What do you want for dinner? You’ve got to be craving something.”

This takes Javier aback. This certainly wasn’t something he expected you to say when you picked up. “Uh… no. Nothing comes to mind. And I’m more of a whiskey guy, but wine sounds more romantic, I suppose.”

“Then I’ll pick up something that goes well with wine,” you say with a nod, beaming. “And I’m going to be tired after my shift, so you better be in the mood to cuddle.”

A laugh rings through the phone. “Of course you want to cuddle.”

“Says the one who asked me to snuggle him to sleep.”

“Hey, I almost bled out.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re the one who asked.”

You’re both quiet for a moment. “Javi?”

“Yes, hermosa?”

Your voice is quiet and shy when you finally speak again. “Are you my boyfriend now?”

He grins, even though you can’t see it. “I don’t see why not.”

“Well, I like that, but we haven’t even had our first date.”

You can feel Javier rolls his eyes through the phone, but he’s clearly smiling when he speaks again. “Wouldn’t you consider that morning at the diner our first date?” He asks you, his face lighting up at the memory of it.

“No,” you shake your head. “I think we need to say it’s officially a date before it happens, then it can be a date.”

“I’m not going to be a very interesting date. I do have a large stab wound in my abs right now.”

“Don’t question my taste in men, Peña.”

“Trust me, I’m not. Do you want to dress up nice?” he asks. “A pretend night out?”

You grin at that. “That sounds wonderful,” you nod and rest your head on the pillows behind you, looking dreamily up at the ceiling.

“Better yet, I’ll cook for you.”

“Why do I have a feeling your cooking features microwave cuisine?”

“First of all, that’s not fully true,” he laughs. “And second of all, at least let me pay for dinner.”

“Giving up that easily? Superman may have to have his title revoked.”

“No, you were just right. I’m not a great cook; takeout would be the best bet.”

“I’ll pay and you can pay me back by looking cute for me.”

“Is this how women feel when men are demeaning?” He teases.

“You got it,” you groan.

Javier sighs. “Don’t know how you do it. How was your day?” he asks, leaning back on his own couch, slipping a hand in the pocket of his sweatpants.

“Long. My back hurts,” you admit, hugging the pillow to your chest. “The hospital is much more boring when I don’t get to sneak kisses from a hot patient.”

“I would assume so.”

“Got anything interesting in those case files?”

“I think Steve pulled out a box from ‘79 and handed it over just to appease me. It’s a pain in the ass.”

“You’re supposed to be on leave. Do leave things.”

“Like what? You’re gone all day, so is Steve. There are my two options.”

“Javi,” you coo softly. “You’re so cute.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“No, you are! You don’t even know what to do with your life. When was your last day off that you didn’t spend nursing a hangover?” There’s a beat of silence. “Exactly. Watch some telenovelas, read a book, pick up a hobby.”

“I have hobbies,” he pouts.

“Besides drinking, smoking, and fucking. I know your reputation,” you tease.

He’s silent and shy when his voice returns. “Did you-“

“I’ve known that the whole time, Superman. You think Connie didn’t spill everything the first time I asked her about you?” You chuckle softly. “No, I know about you. I don’t mind at all. It’s kinda hot,” you tease.

“Hey now, don’t start what you can’t finish. I’m not gonna be in shape for anything for a while.”

You bite your lip, deciding between flirting back harder or leaving it alone. You decide to leave it. “I’m not,” you chuckle. “I just think everything about you is attractive.”

“Even my giant stab wound?”

“Especially. If that’s what it took for you to admit you love me,” you laugh softly, and you hear him laughing on the other end.

“You should get some sleep, cariño,” Javi says in a softening voice. “It’s late, and you said your back hurts.”

“I will. I just… couldn’t sleep without knowing how you’re doing. I’m glad it’s good.” You smile softly at the way his voice sounds through the phone. “I’ll be looking forward to tomorrow night all day at work.”

“And I’ll be looking forward to it here.”

“Goodnight Javi,” you tell him. “I love you.”

“Goodnight, hermosa,” he tells you in return. “I love you too.” He hangs up quickly after saying that, before he can change his mind and stay on the phone with you for hours more.

-

As you leave the hospital the next day, your best friend’s voice rings out after you. “Use a condom!” Lorena shouts before falling into a fit of giggles.

“You’re the worst.”

“No, an unplanned pregnancy would be the worst,” she teases and nudges your side. “Be safe!”

“Fuck you,” you mutter to her in English, but there’s a smile on your face as you leave the hospital.

“No, fuck Javi instead!”

“Goddamnit, Lori!”

The walk home is uneventful, as normal, but the sun is just about to start setting over Bogotá. It’s beautiful, you think to yourself, and you admire the skyline as you walk back to your apartment.

Once you get inside, you head to your bathroom and sigh as you look in the mirror. You’re tired, it’s evident, but your eyes hold your excitement. Turning on a cassette player in your living room, you dance and sing along to it in the bathroom as you do your makeup and style your hair. Both are simply done, but make you feel a little more confident, a little more elegant for your night in with Javier.

You dance along to the music and make your way into your bedroom. You change out of your scrubs and into the outfit you chose last night, in a rush of excitement after talking with Javier on the phone. It’s your favorite dress you wear when you’re going out, not that it’s often, one that makes you feel fantastic about yourself. You look in the mirror and have to admit, you look damn good.

After you twirl in the mirror a little, you pick up the phone and dial Javier.

The familiar greeting fills your ears. “Peña.”

“Hey, Javi,” you practically sing. “I’m leaving my place now, I’ll pick up the food and be over. Leave the door unlocked, that way you don’t have to get up and let me in, okay?”

Javier chuckles. “Yes ma’am. I’ll see you then.”

He hangs up and you grab your purse and a jacket, wrapping it tight around yourself as you leave your apartment building and head out to a nearby restaurant.

After the food is ready, you carry it in one hand, smiling to yourself as you walk the rest of the way to Javier’s. It’s closer than you ever knew, and it makes you smile even wider knowing that there’s only ever a short distance between you and him. The sun is now setting, casting everything in a warm glow.

Once you reach his apartment, you get hit by a wave of nerves. Impulsively, you climb the extra stairs and knock on the Murphys’ front door.

No response comes, surprisingly. Rather than continuing to knock, you get your courage up and go back downstairs, knocking on Javier’s door and letting yourself in.

Javier is at his kitchen table already, which is nicely set and even has a candle burning on top of it. He looks up when he hears you and smiles, and you immediately smile back. He’s wearing a long-sleeved, nice shirt and a tie, the shirt cuffed to his elbows. His hair, which has been messy nearly every time you’ve seen him, is neatly styled too. He looks professional, and it makes you giggle a little.

He takes a second to take in the sight of you too, his eyes raking all the way up your body until his eyes meet yours. “You look great, cariño,” he tells you with a little smirk, and you walk closer and set the food down on the table.

“Thank you,” you tell him with a grin, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You look very formal.”

“This is what I wear to work,” he admits and tilts his head to the side.

“Then I’m going to have to come visit you at the embassy some time,” you tell him and kiss him on the lips, for the first real time since the hospital. There’s silence between the two of you and you can hear a rhythmic knocking noise coming from somewhere-

You break away and your eyes widen, giggling. There’s a loud creaking sound that accompanied the pounding. “Oh shit.”

“What is it?” Javi asks, but then the noise reaches his ears.

You have to cover your mouth to hold back a laugh. “I have to admit, I went upstairs to ask Connie for advice before I came down here… I guess I know why no one answered,” you snort before you hear a uniquely feminine groan, and both you and Javier start laughing uncontrollably, falling into each other.

You bury your face in his shoulder laughing, then quickly remove it, forgetting you were wearing makeup. “Oh god, do you have a radio or something we can turn on to cover that up?” You as him, still giggling.

“Yeah, come on,” he says and leans on you for balance as the two of you walk to his kitchen. There’s a radio on top of his fridge, and he turns it onto the American station in town. You smile at the memory of first meeting him while this was playing. Some slow jam from a few years ago is on, and Javier cranks the dial to adjust the volume until you can no longer hear the Murphys and their activity upstairs.

The sun shines its last rays into the kitchen, casting an orange glow over both you and Javi. He looks down at you and swears he can see exactly what he’s feeling reflected in your eyes. Your eyes hold such kindness and depth and unconditional regard for him, and it makes him want to gather you in his arms and never let you go again, never let either of you ever leave this apartment and this moment. Javier has never been one for words, choosing mainly to express his feelings through the patterns of his hips against a woman’s, but he tries in this moment, just for you. “You… have gorgeous eyes,” he tells you softly, and you giggle and shyly look away. “Really,” he says, catching your chin in his hand and bringing your face back to look at him. “So beautiful. All of you, especially tonight.”

“Thank you,” you say softly, gazing up into those big brown eyes and kissing him quickly. “Care to dance?” You ask, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Javi chuckles a little and puts his arms around your waist in return. “Why not?” He asks, sneaking another gentle kiss before swaying the two of you around his kitchen. You rest your head in the curve of his neck and he smiles at the feeling, pressing a kiss to your head. He’s not a great singer, he knows that, but he mumble-sings the lyrics to you. You can feel his chest vibrate from his voice, and you sigh, pressing a kiss into his skin before resting your head on his shoulder again.

The song ends a few moments later and there’s a bit of dead air on the radio. No sound comes from upstairs and you lift your head, laughing a little. “Well, now that that’s all done… shall we eat?” You ask, and Javier nods, sneaking one last kiss from your lips.

The night ends with you and Javier cuddled on the couch. It’s late, and you’re watching his VHS tapes of old American movies. You’re snuggled into his side when he nudges your face with his neck. “Aren’t you uncomfortable in your dress?” He asks.

“What, are you trying to get me naked?” You tease quietly.

“No. Just want you comfy,” he murmurs, half asleep. You have to admit you’re tired too. “I have a proposal.”

“Yes I’ll marry you,” you laugh jokingly.

“Not like that,” he rolls his eyes. “Help me to my bed. You can wear some of my clothes. Sleep here tonight.”

You smile a little. “Is this your way of saying you can’t sleep without me anymore?”

“Sleeping alone is shitty once I got a taste of you,” he says with a charming smile.

“Alright Romeo,” you tease and kiss his lips gently. “I like that idea though. Let’s do it.” You stand from his arms, offering him a hand. He takes it and stands with a groan.

You help Javier to his bedroom, holding him up as a crutch and a balance. Javier’s tie was long discarded, after the two of you ate dinner. He strips the dress shirt and pants from his body, leaving him in just his boxers and a plain white shirt. He heads to his dresser and pulls out a large t-shirt for you.

You take it from him and kiss his cheek. He closes his eyes as you unzip your dress. “You’re allowed to look,” you murmur teasingly next to his ear. His eyes fly open and watch you hungrily, the way you’re exposed in just a bra and panties.

“Mi ángel,” he mumbles, his hands on your sides. He looks down at your body before finding your eyes again and smiling softly. He kisses you gently. “I know I have a bad reputation. You know I love you for more than your body, right?”

You nod, your arms around his neck. “Of course I do, Javi. We haven’t even fucked yet.”

He nods. “Just… checking.” This is all so new for him, and you can tell. You kiss him tenderly for a moment before pulling on the big t-shirt and flopping on his bed.

“Now get in here and cuddle me, Superman.”

“Of course, cariño,” he laughs, sliding under the covers and kissing the side of your face.

-

translations:

por supuesto- of course

-

hey taglist, come get y’all juice

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @softly-sad @blo0dangel @luxurybeskar @binarydanvvers @diogodxlot @wonderlandgabby @yooforia @sara-alonso @dodgerandevans @pedrosmustache @fruit-of-my-hoechloins @tanyaherondale @marydjarin @obsessivelysearching @sleep-tight1 @drinkingwhileblogging

[dastardlydandelion]

So...what kind of horror movie would you write featuring the Hargrove/ Mayfield family? (That you haven't written already lol)

oh boy, u may regret asking me this bc i am indecisive af and i can’t pick just one!

two that i'm actually writing are max as (g is for) ghostface killer in the abcs of neil’s death and also the max + tory nichols werewolf movie fic outlined here. also some more misc gorror junk bc i’m a demon and esp horny for susan wearing blood splatter. but more ideas commence below:

horror movie #1: another creature feature! awhile back @lucdarling sent me an ask abt max + billy hiding smth from susan and her like, playing along, pretending she doesn't know, and one of the scenarios that popped in my head was them keeping a baby bat as a pet. max finds it and she’s only like six or seven, and she thinks it’s going to turn into a vampire. so here is that scenario except horror edition: baby bat is actually a vampire type creature. not rly a vampire like, what’s prolly popping into ur head, like an undead human like dracula or smth, but like a bat monster that sucks blood.

billy being a lil older doesn’t actually think the bat is going to turn into a vampire. he makes fun of max for believing this, but he helps her take care of it anyway bc he thinks it’s cool. susan, like in the non-horror version, knows abt the bat but plays dumb bc she’s feeling a lot of guilt abt max’s difficulty adjusting to the blended fam (as of rn tho, neil has yet to reveal his abusive nature. the red flags are not yet red, more of a brownish maroon, and he is on his best behavior almost all the time, showering susan + max with affection and keeping the swears out of his mouth when he scolds billy in front of them) and knows the lil furry baby makes her happy. she tacitly cleans up after the bat whenever the kids miss a spot (bats poop a lot, dude) and distracts neil, deterring him from discovering it whenever he gets close.

baby bat gets rly big rly fast. and the older it gets, the more it starts to look monstrous. it still has bat features but it’s just like, different. its fangs grow suspiciously long, its hooks grow suspiciously long. its feet are elongated. a dorsal ridge emerges from its spine, spikes at first just flesh but soft fur rather like peach fuzz eventually sprouting. billy catches on that smth is strange abt this animal when it's as long as his forearm after two wks and still growing. he nearly shits a brick when the bat is clinging to his sweater one day and he steps in front of a mirror and only his reflection looks back at him— no bat.

max laughs at him all like, “stupid brother, ofc there’s no reflection. nosferatu is a vampire, vampires don’t have reflections.” 😂

susan catches a glimpse of the thing when nosferatu crawls out of the home max built it in her closet the same wk billy realizes it doesn’t have a reflection, and also almost shits a brick. she doesn’t know what it is, but it’s NOT a fucking bat. not a normal one, anyway! cue a comedy scene where she’s chasing it around the house with a butterfly net and it’s always one flap *ba dum tss* ahead of her, flying just out of reach. she suddenly regrets not getting rid of it sooner, scolding herself for ever allowing her daughter to keep a wild animal.

she can’t catch it. max comes home, susan tells her she needs to get rid of it. max cries, flips her the bird, refuses. billy tho…billy has mixed feelings. he loves nosferatu but he’s worried it’s going to get dangerous. he loves his dad and his dad is dangerous too. he’s stressed out enough, always on edge, knowing that one way or the other, neil is going to hurt him again. he’s already waiting for his dad to hurt him, he doesn’t need the added stress of waiting for nosferatu to hurt him too. and while max is 100% nosferatu’s favorite, it likes billy too. billy’s been handling it since it could fit in the palm of his hand, it trusts him much more than it trusts susan and doesn’t know any different when billy takes it out of the closet when max isn’t around.

billy frees nosferatu at an abandoned farm. there are always bats flying out of the old silo adjacent to the dilapidated barn. while he knows nosferatu isn’t a *normal* bat, it’s still bat like enough that he thinks it might make friends and be happy here…

yeah, that doesn’t stick. before long, nosferatu is feasting on that colony. leeches the blood out of a couple bats nightly. the number of bats increases with nosferatu’s size. meanwhile, max mourns her missing friend. she’s sullen af and won’t speak to susan at all. she thinks susan is the one who got rid of nosferatu. billy never fesses up and susan doesn’t contradict max’s assumption bc she wants the step-siblings to get along.

neil, meanwhile, is getting more comfortable. those maroon flags are slowly but surely brightening to scarlet. he starts sabotaging susan’s plans with her friends, trying to keep her around the house more and more, quietly but steadily eroding her relationships with other people. he’s getting more visibly aggressive when he disciplines billy. he curses him out with a virulent venom that dunks susan’s stomach in ice water and scares max so badly, she runs to susan and hides behind her even though she’s still so mad that susan got rid of her beloved baby vampire.

nosferatu’s appetite surpasses what the bat colony can offer. it’s like the size of a ten yr old human child now. fucker’s big. it doesn’t just have fangs on top, but tusks on bottom. it can’t go out in the sunlight anymore, the sun sears its flesh. it misses max a lot and before, it wasn’t strong enough to fly back to her house. but now it is. it’s extremely strong, actually.

so bc it's hungry, nosferatu grabs a snack along the way. some nameless rando, it swoops down and sucks dry. nourished and much happier, nosferatu makes its way back home. patiently waits outside of max’s bedroom in the moonlight, tapping its hook against the window until she wakes up. initially max is a lil startled— nosferatu looks so different, there’s a beat before she recognizes it— him?? yk, ig it’s male, the og nosferatu was a guy. sure, why not, nosferatu is a boy now.

once she realizes who it is, she is so! happy! max opens the window and embraces her friend. she isn’t freaked out by the blood on its fangs. she’s always known nosferatu is a vampire, albeit, she was thinking he’d look more like dracula than this bat-monster-thingy.

nosferatu moves back into max’s closet. it hangs upside-down from her rod by its weird, elongated feet. we get more shots of nosferatu sucking rando ppl dry at night, tho he remains gentle with max. when max drags billy in to show her he came back, nosferatu is less friendly with him. he’s not aggressive with billy, but he is standoffish. nosferatu’s thought process is somewhere between human and animal. he doesn’t quite cognitively understand that billy took him to the farm with the intent of getting rid of him, but he does understand that the last time he clung to billy, billy left him alone and never came back. max puts two and two together, and realizes it was billy who “stole” her friend. she yells at him a lot, he yells back, she then ices him out.

billy acts out bc he’s upset. runs away, thinks he’s going to find his mom…the cops find him first and call neil. neil is rly embarrassed and pissed abt the whole thing. he breaks down and beats billy in front of the mayfields for the first time. nosferatu smells the blood and it’s time for the main event! we love dead!neil, yes, we do.

nosferatu flies out the closet and right into the living room where billy’s bleeding and teary but biting his lip so they don’t actually fall. susan’s covering max’s eyes but so shocked and tbh, FRIGHTENED, she doesn’t move a muscle beyond that. neil’s got the belt raised, preparing to bring it down again, and nosferatu smashes right into him. neil stumbles, turns back to see this freaky monster looking thing. proceeds to whip the belt at nosferatu. tries to fight him off with the belt and it doesn’t accomplish much beyond pissing him off more— nosferatu, like most classic vampire types, has a healing factor!

max rips her mom’s hands off her face in time to see her pet sink its fangs into her stepdad’s throat. nosferatu sucks neil dry. billy’s a little dazed, not quite frightened. susan is just dead ass frozen, too scared to scream, even. nosferatu crawls over to billy and nudges at him, making sure he’s in once piece and forgiving him in the same go. max darts over and that snaps susan out of her stupor, but she isn’t as fast as our blood-sucking bat monster.

nosferatu stretches his wings out and with a truly impressive wingspan, hugs both of the kids. <3

horror movie #2: a haunting! this one opens with a bang. it’s a tragic horror, beware. we’re in hawkins post s3. billy died at starcourt mall. neil’s obvi had a longstanding abusive mindset and abusive behavior, but he rly takes his grief out on susan and max. mostly susan. she does her best to protect max however she can, whether that means shielding her w her body, sending her out of the house, getting neil’s goat to inspire his ire in max’s place, etc. but sue simply isn’t around all the time and when she isn’t, but max is, well. yk.

one day neil comes home early (bc he lost his job for a violent outburst, tbh) and discovers susan packing a suitcase.

sue fights hard. she rly does. but neil is bigger, heavier, crueler, and to boot, he caught her completely unawares. he kills her. and no, no it’s not some accidental thing where neil makes one bad move rage-blind. he strangles her with his belt. she’s clawing at his arms and making these horrible choked, trapped animal noises. thrashes and twists her body with everything she has trying to get him off but he’s so strong, his grip is unrelenting, and she's growing weaker, lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. strangulation can induce incontinence and when susan blacks out, her piss streams to the hardwood— neil hears that as much as he felt the clawing and heard the noises, even now he could stop, but he doesn’t. he just. doesn’t think his wife has the right to leave him, esp not after his son just did.

neil burns the body and the suitcase in the woods while max is at school. max has been spending as much time as she can (and often with sue’s prompting) outside of the house, so it actually takes her about two days to realize her mother isn’t around. neil tells a pretty convincing story about how susan abandoned them, voice saturated with apology and sorrow. he takes her out for a fancy dinner and promises he’s going to be a better father-- that being a better father is the least he can do now that her mother abandoned her and they are alone in their grief.

max doesn’t know what to think. she’s been preoccupied with her own grief and pain. she finds it hard to believe her mother would just leave her to neil’s wrath. she has a lot of hangups with susan and anger toward her for marrying neil and not getting them out sooner, but she’s also old enough to realize there would be risks involved with that. it’s hard to reconcile the memory of her mother just last wk pinning max to the wall to protect her from neil’s blows with her own bod just abruptly taking off without a word in the middle of the night. but hey, maybe that’s why susan left. maybe she got sick of protecting her, maybe the pain got to be too much and she turned tail.

but also…it’s early october now, abt three months after billy’s death but still fairly warm outside. yet neil is wearing long sleeves. neil never used to button his collared shirts all the way up, and yet. every collar is buttoned. also, mom’s car is still here. why would mom leave without her car?

that ceramic pelican she loved so much is still here too, on the mantle in the living room. it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would leave behind, she's had it since max was a baby.

max almost wants to believe neil because she’d rather her mother abandoned her than be dead somewhere, rotting in a storage locker or a hole in the ground. under the earth with the worms, just like billy. max has the worst feeling low in the pit of her gut. she thinks she knows the truth. she thinks abt going to hopper and hesitates bc she’s not sure she could handle it if he actually found smth. or what would happen to her if he did, where she would be sent, who she would end up with.

this movie would be more on the ambiguous end of things. an arthouse horror, if u will.

the days turn into wks and neil is crawling in his skin. the viewer isn’t sure if the shadows he’s seeing, always, always susan-shaped shadows, are of a ghostly nature or if he’s just hallucinating out of guilt. but the signs gradually point to the former— that smth paranormal is indeed going on. bc those scratches and bite marks susan left in his skin?

they do not heal. they do not get infected. they do not become necrotic. but they do not heal, either. days turn into wks and the wounds still look fresh, like she just left them moments ago. neil can’t wear light colors anymore because his wounds weep red into the fabric. he isn’t just seeing susan’s shadows either, he’s smelling her.

he washes his sheets and pillowcases a dozen times and the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, it’s like it’s woven into the fibers. he walks into the hallway and chokes on the aroma of susan’s perfume. he wonders if max is screwing with him, if max figured it out and she’s trying to torture him into a confession. one day he stomps off to max's bedroom, furious, adamant on confronting her. he grabs her doorknob, prepared to yank it open and then lets out a yelp, jerking his hand back with a sudden sharp pain.

it feels like a bee sting (which would be esp bad for this fucker in anything i write, bc i headcanon him as being allergic). but there’s no stinger. no injury. nothing. neil is freaked out enough that he backs down.

max, on the other hand, is getting gentler signs. when she turns the radio dial in the camaro, it’s somehow always her mom’s favorite songs that come thru the speakers. when she goes to pull clothes out of her drawers in the morning, she discovers that the things she’d just shoved inside in wrinkled balls are perfectly folded, neat as a pin, exactly like how susan always folded. susan was always fond of cardinals and suddenly max is seeing cardinals, pretty red cardinals, in just abt erry tree and shrub.

neil wakes up one night to his wife’s voice whispering “boo” right in his ear. he throws the covers off and discovers ashes in the bed. he doesn’t smell susan’s shampoo or lotion anymore, he smells the kerosine he’d poured all over her body.

his wounds still won’t heal. whenever he looks in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of susan walking past behind him, peering at him from her peripheral. he whips around, heart hammering, but there’s never any tangible person there.

max is almost certain her mother is dead at this point. neil’s been so bizarrely nice to her lately. she never believed in ghosts but her experiences with the upside-down broadened her perception of reality. she doesn’t know how else to explain the songs, the cardinals, the folded clothes. the way that these days, whenever she does feel fear toward neil, it just fades away. her fear melts like popsicles in the sun, immediately replaced by the sensation of a warm, maternal hug, as if arms she can’t see are trying to reassure her she truly doesn’t need to be afraid of him anymore.

in fact, max feels so unafraid of neil and brave, that one night she calls him out on it. he’s grizzled and unshaven in his recliner, beer in hand. she steps in front of the television he’s vacantly fixated on and folds her arms across her chest.

“you killed my mom, didn’t you?”

quick as a flash, neil leaps to his feet. he brings his arm back like he’s going to strike her and susan’s ceramic pelican on the mantle explodes into shards. the lights flicker, the television program cuts to snow with a static roar. every other knickknack on the mantle rattles and framed photos tumble off the wall.

neil very wisely lowers his hand. he slumps, boneless. he doesn’t say a word. max sees the answer in his eyes. it’s the dead of night and she snatches the camaro keys off the hook, marching out of the house, slamming the door behind her. it’s the dead of night and she doesn’t care. she’s going to blow past every stop sign and pound on the chief’s door until he opens up. and fuck, i just realized if this is post s3 he’s supposed to be in russia. shit. i don’t watch this show, but i know abt russia bc i DID watch the clips of that demogorgon that i rly hope isn’t stuck in captivity!! okay, but let’s pretend that didn’t happen?

it’s an au?? i mean, errything i write is always technically an au anyway, bc when i write stuff susan has an actual personality and billy isn’t *completely* abhorrent. okay, so it’s an au and mr. hopper didn’t blow up and un-blow up in russia. he’s still here. so max drives to his house.

she pounds on the door so hard this guy snaps outta bed, thinking someone’s trying to bust it down. she tells him neil confessed to killing her mom. it isn’t true, exactly, but he didn’t have to. so it’s a helluva grim drive back to cherry lane, this time in the cop car.

but when they go inside, chief prepared to arrest neil, no need. neil’s hanging from the belt he strangled susan with, shirtless for the first time since that night, erry seemingly fresh furrow and bite mark on full display. below his dangling feet is a map, the area he burned susan’s corpse in circled in red marker. did he kill himself or did the ghost do it?

up to u, we soundlessly cut to credits without a concrete answer to that question.

horror movie #3: crossover special! stranger things meets the chilling adventures of sabrina. sequel to that fic i wrote where susan makes out with lilith, queen of hell, and lilith kills neil for her. sue officially joins the church of lilith. bc in this ‘verse the church of lilith actually happens after caos s2 instead of the nonsense that was s3 and the inconceivably godawful migraine-inducing shit-fest that was s4.

killing neil was lilith’s only freebee. susan isn’t a witch, she’s a mortal, so in order to reap the other rewards of worshipping the one and only mother of demons, she has to fornicate with the witches and participate in the sacrifices!!!

this is, uh, well. it’s p much a porno, dude, sorry. 😅

this is just an excuse for susan to have sex with lilith, zelda, marie, hilda, big witch orgies + susan. witches bathing in the blood of their sacrifices, susan so nervous and timid but unable to deny her desire. the witch’s dressing her in their gothic garb.

how does the rest of the fam get it on this?

max joins the church too. she has more age-appropriate conduct with sabrina and the weird sisters, and what have you. just smooches and over-the-clothes groping, and whatnot, even tho the weird sisters, at least, would be interested in going further if given the opportunity.

billy dies in starcourt again, so he gets revived in the cain pit! hilda is the one who goes to him after bc she’s been in the cain pit many a time (i am still BIG side-eyeing zelda for repeatedly murdering her sister since childhood). hilda understands how jarring it can be to come back. suddenly alive!billy is freaking tf out but she brings him inside the mortuary, wraps him up in a big blanket burrito and they have a talk. hilda explains that he’s going to be okay and rubs his back while he tentatively sips the hot chocolate she made.

after billy’s calmed down, she brings max and susan in. max and susan can’t do as much magic as the caos witches— they’re mortals, after all, it’s not in their nature —but they’ve gained some abilities thru being in the church, following the rituals, and being carnally involved with the immortal witches. max happily shows him some of her new magic tricks.

horror movie #4: another crossover with caos. heavily inspired by creepshow episode s2e1, model kid (which i already v blatantly referenced in the last axe snafu update and i’m not ashamed, bc it’s a good series i love v much).

billy picks max up from the byers’ place rly late one night. it’s dark and the weather is bad and okay, yeh, he might be a little high. and a little concussed. he pissed neil off pretty bad the other day and okay, actually he’s defo concussed bc he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong!

needless to say, they take a wrong turn somewhere. they end up in greendale. at first max is pissed. she yells at him a lot! yells so loud hilda can hear them thru the walls of dr. cerberus’s comic shop/diner. she goes outside to see what all the fuss is abt, hilda never rly ignores youth in need. we love hilda, she deserved so much better…i’m getting distracted, okay, back to the story.

hilda ushers them inside. max is like, “ooh, comics? horror junk and comics? nvm, i’m not mad anymore.” she pats billy’s arm and wanders away to go check stuff out! hilda makes billy sit down. caos canon established that she’s psychic, at least when she wants to be. she smells the weed but she also sees his life, his trauma. billy doesn’t remember what he did to piss neil off or the abuse that followed, but hilda sees it clear as day.

he’s rude and cranky w her when she probes a little too much for his liking. hilda gently but firmly reprimands him and gets him a milkshake on this house. then she goes to check on max. she steers max to a v particular section of the shop, the one that sells model kits. now, max isn’t *huge* into model kits BUT they are p neat and she enjoys them well enough. more so when the weather is nasty and she can’t go outside. or when she needs smth to do with her hands (a trait she shares w susan) to distract herself and ease some of the anxiety when she hears her brother being beaten or her mother being shouted at.

max is actually rly impressed by the array of models. vintage ones and newer ones. monsters, slashers, final girls, tiny accessories like knives and bloodied heads. but when she gets to the paint-your-own shelf, her jaw drops to the floor.

there’s one that looks just like neil. unpainted, plain gray vinyl, but undoubtedly her stepdad. the expression on the five inch figurine is one frozen in fear.

“i think that one’s calling to you,” hilda prompts her, with the softest smile.

max blinks away her bewilderment altho she still can’t speak. she turns to hilda and turns her empty pockets inside out. hilda just waves her hand. she tells her it’s on the house. that it wouldn’t be fair if she gave billy smth on the house, but not max.

speaking of billy, when he finishes his milkshake, he’s suddenly totally sober and healed!! no more high buzzing in his blood. no more pounding headache or concussion fogging his mind. he doesn’t feel his bruises anymore, rolls his sleeve up, and realizes they simply aren’t there anymore. like they dissolved off his skin.

albeit it’s muttered under his breath, but billy does thank hilda. then he and max are on their way. max shows him the suspiciously familiar figurine in the box. this night cannot get weirder.

max knows what to do with the model kit. she does. she isn’t sure how she knows, but she does. she grapples with it for a long time. neil’s the closest thing she has to a dad these days. and things aren’t bad all the time, ofc.

sometimes neil gives max a ride when mom and billy aren’t available. sometimes he brings her ice cream entirely unprompted. neil’s the one who picks max up off the sidewalk when she wipes out super bad on her skateboard, carries her inside and then later to the car when her cut doesn’t stop bleeding and she ends up needing stitches.

but most of the time he sucks. she can’t rly be herself around him. he's indifferent to her interest at best, scornful at worst. he would hate all her friends. he scares the shit out of her when he’s angry. he doesn’t have a problem belittling her mother in front of her, tearing susan to shreds and making her out like she’s lower than dirt, the most worthless person on the planet. doesn’t have a problem beating billy in front of her or glaring at her with the promise that she’ll be next if she dares to voice her dissent.

max doesn’t always want to do what she knows she’s meant to do with the model. bc she's kind at heart and bc on the good days, she genuinely does have mixed feelings toward neil. never enough to hope he'll be better, he's proven he won't...but maybe enough to hope he won't get worse, either.

then comes the night neil breaks ribs. bad, like we’re talking, a-sharp-spear-of-broken-rib-punctures-billy’s-lung-and-he’s-coughing-up-blood-bad. that’s a trip to the emergency room. in the days that follow, at her next dnd meeting w the party, max places the fully and attentively painted model of her stepdad on the table. normally her pals would protest her derailing the intended game, but they can sense it, yk, that smth is different.

max takes over as dungeon master to the protest of no one, all other mouths sealed as if bewitched and spellbound. she narrators a scene where the demogorgon devours neil and uses the demogorgon piece and the model for demonstration.

when max returns home, neil is strewn across the house in gory chunks and torn wallpaper curls around massive claw marks.

[speechlessxx]

In The Rain. (Chris Evans x Reader)

Summary: Can a classic case of miscommunication be solved before the rain puts out the flickering light of love? 

Warnings: trash. lmao. this is better than my radio silence, so... lol... fluffy, angsty (you know the drill)

Word Count: ~2k

The lights flickered for only a second when the bright streaks that painted the sky were followed by deafening claps of thunder that shook your house. The rain was heavy as it pounded against the windows and the harsh winds were no kinder, but they were nothing compared to storm brewing within you.

A deep sigh escaped you as the blanket around your shoulders slipped off and pooled around your waist. You had a warm coffee in one hand and a book in the other while you sat at your reading nook watching the dark sky. It was a collection of poetry with several multicolored Post-It flags sticking out from its pages. Each color represented a feeling a poem elicited, and you found yourself flipping to those with a dark blue flag – the color of sorrow, heartbreak, sadness. In all honesty, it was self-pity.

You weren’t sure why you lingered for so long. Nothing but history and memories were keeping you in his life. The amicable breakup left you detached yet still attached to him. And what made everything worse was that you were still in love with Chris.

The breakup shocked those closest to you. You and Chris were – well … – the most unsuspecting perfect match. You were two completely different souls that balanced one another out. You complemented one another – hell, you completed each other. You were two independent entities that pushed the other to become a better version of themselves. The energy shared between you was radiant and the love was consuming. It was pure and unfiltered. Passionate. You weren’t one to believe in true love – in soulmates, or even twin flames – but then you met Chris and everything changed.

But like all matches – like all flames – they burn out.

You blamed it on anxiety – on expectations. You never had a long-lasting relationship. Chris was the first man you ever felt a true connection to – and that scared you more than you let on.

He was nearing 40 – the ripe age to settle down, to have a family. Although you were certain you wanted that with Chris, you weren’t sure if you wanted that now. Your reluctance had you absentmindedly push him away. You began to untether yourself to him. Untangling the beautiful, strong bond you once had until it was nothing but a single thread.

Although it was you that started to pull away, it was Chris who vocalized his unhappiness. It was Chris who instigated. The night you broke up, he refused to listen to your worries and your reasons for your sudden aloofness. “Do you even love me?” He asked you, but he didn’t wait for a response. You already blamed yourself – and it hurt twice as much when he blamed you, too.

It shocked you when you found out he told friends and family the breakup was mutual… because it was Chris who severed it … The supposedly mutual breakup kept an open door of communication for your families. While your family never bothered Chris or his kin, Scott constantly reached out to you, as well as his mother. They’d often invite you to house parties, dinners, karaoke nights… When you’d decline – finding it was a bit of a territory breach – they’d always claim Chris wouldn’t make an appearance but he always did.

Although you were broken up, you were forced to remain friends. You were forced to look at him across a dining table as if you didn’t know his deepest secrets. You spoke casually as if you never spent late nights unburdening your souls to one another. You acted as if you were friends that were never completely in love with each other.

You remembered the phone call from Scott this morning. He relayed a message from their mom, asking you to come to dinner. When you declined, Scott demanded for a reasonable answer. He often found, “I’m your brother’s ex-girlfriend” a useless excuse.

“I still love him, and it hurts because we’re pretending like we were never together.” Your voice broke. “I’m trying to pull away – trying to move on – but I don’t know if it’s me holding onto hope, or if it’s just....” You couldn’t finish your words – you weren’t sure how to. You felt guilty for confessing this to Chris’s brother of all people. You knew it wouldn’t confidential – that he’d tell Chris – but you just had to say it out loud once.

You heard Scott sigh over the phone. Taking pity on you, he decided it was probably best that you kept your distance from Chris – which was the opposite of the goal of him constantly inviting you out. “A storm’s coming tonight,” he mentioned. “And I know how rain helps calm you.”

But it did anything but that.

-=+=-

Chris had some idea of where it went wrong. The night it all ended, he blamed you. He knew he was in the wrong for that.

The night of his outburst haunted his memories, keeping him up all hours of the night. The image of your tearstained cheeks, reddened eyes, and pure heartbroken expression was burned into his mind. He saw it every time he closed his eyes. He remembered how you barely got a word in because every time you opened your mouth to speak, to reason, to argue, he spoke over you with such a heated, rage-filled tone that he didn’t even recognize.

He was afraid to lose you and because of his own arrogance and stubbornness, that’s exactly what happened.

You were unraveling your bond slowly, tactfully while he tore it to shreds.

And he regretted it every single day.

“Is (Y/N) coming?” He asked as subtly as he could while he and Scott set the table. Scott simply shook his head. Chris placed a plate onto the placemat as thunder shook the house, the glasses rattling slightly. “Do you know what she’s doing tonight?” He asked, trying to stay casual though everyone saw right through it. Scott’s brows were furrowed as if contemplating and his mouth was pressed into a firm line. Knowing him for all his life, Chris knew when his brother was hiding something. “Scott.”

“I can’t tell you!” Scott finally answered. That answer pulled at Chris’s heart – were you with someone? Is that why you weren’t here? “She’s just… she just needs a night.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Chris frowned. An upside to this “amicable” breakup was having his family constantly pull you back into their atmosphere. He wasn’t sure if they did it for him (they did), but he was thankful for all the nights you walked into their family home, gracing him with your presence even if you barely spoke. His brother remained silent and Chris called his name again.

“She’s just upset, okay?” Scott revealed. Chris’s frown deepened as he cocked his head to the side in confusion. “She just needs some time to think and heal.”

“What does that mean?”

Scott sighed. “I can’t tell you. She told me not to – Chris… do you plan on getting back together with (Y/N)?”

“Of course.” Chris answered with no hesitation. “I love her.”

“Then, why’d you break up with her?” Scott asked.

The question caught him off guard. Of course, he planned his apology. He planned his dramatic way to woo you back into his arms – to make you fall in love with him again. He didn’t quite know how to execute it – should he have been a cliché with a boombox, calling your name outside your window?

“I… I guess I felt like she was pulling away… and so, I felt like I had to beat her to the punch,” Chris cringed. It was a childish sentiment… But perhaps it was because his ego couldn’t take being broken up with? Or perhaps the thought of losing you clouded his judgement so much and consequently, his fears came true.

Scott scoffed at his brother, rolling his eyes for effect. “You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah and I feel bad about it, but every time I try to talk to her, she closes up.”

“I wonder why.” Chris groaned annoyedly at his younger brother, slapping the palm of his hand to his forehead. “She told me before that she felt as if she didn’t belong with you because you’re ready to start a family and she wasn’t.”

“When she say that?”

“A while ago…” Scott scratched his chin.

“But I don’t… I don’t need a family right this second. I just need her.”

“Does she know that?” Scott asked him. “Because all she knows is that you had enough of her.”

“I didn’t really give her a chance to talk…” Chris confessed. “I just… I kinda just ranted at her.”

Scott sighed disappointedly. “In all honestly, brother, I think you need to have an actual conversation with her… Not just a I’m-gonna-yell-at-you …”

Lightning flashed through the windows as the rain steadily poured. It didn’t look as if it were going to let up any time soon. Chris glanced at the clock. It was early into the evening – if it hadn’t been storming, then the sun would be painting the sky a beautiful orange sunset. Instead it was dark, gloomy – uncertain like your future.

Without much contemplation, Chris rushed out of the dining room, cutting through the kitchen. His mother gasped when he barged through the doors and walked to towards the front. “What are you doing?” She called after him. “Dinner’s almost ready!”

“I’m getting my girlfriend back,” Chris told her. His mother’s worried expression melted into one of pride as she cupped her chest with her hand and gave him an encouraging smile.

“Go get ‘er.”

“Love you, ma,” Chris called before walking out the door and braving through the storm.

-=+=-

The doorbell startled you from your nap. You hadn’t even realized you began to drift to sleep. With little regard about your appearance, you drudged towards the front door, wondering who could be at your house at this hour – especially with a storm like this.

“Chris?” You gasped, eyes widening as your ex-boyfriend was shivering from the rain. He was drenched, standing at your front porch. “Why are you here in the rain?”

“We need to talk.” You felt the blood leave your face. The last time he said those words to you, he left you crying and heartbroken. Thunder rumbled as you stared at him. “Scott told me.”

“Of course he did,” you rolled your eyes with frustration. “Chris, I don’t want to talk –“ You tried to close the door, but he easily overpowered you, keeping it open.

“No, we need to talk about this,” Chris snapped before sighing. “(Y/N),” you always loved the way he said your name. “I don’t want a family right now… I just want you… I just need you.”

You stared at him. Chris was never one to lie. He was terrible at it. His eyes always gave him away. Much like they did tonight when they revealed he was being truthful.

“I’m sorry,” he told you. “I’m sorry I’m an asshole that night. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you – that I didn’t even try to listen.” He paused, waiting for you to butt in, but you never did. You just stared at him in silence as you processed. “You’re the only one I want to be with… and I understand if that’s not what you want… You can close the door and we’ll pretend this never happened. We can go back to whatever we were… But I’m not going to ignore this.” When you remained silent, he said, “please, please say something.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t truthful,” you finally said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about me doubting myself – that I started to push you away because I was afraid of what a serious relationship with you meant…”

He took a step towards you, hands reaching for you. One hand found its home at your waist, the other cupping your cheek. “It’s not your fault…” He said. “I love you and I always will. Please, take me back.”

“I love you, Chris,” you muttered before your hands wrapped around his neck to pull him towards your lips.

[burntmcnuggies]

Maybe

Hawks x Ex-Hero! Reader

Warnings: strong language and that’s it! Just fluff! :D please enjoy <3

“Marry me, (Y/N). Be the sauce to my chicken nuggets.”

“No thank you, Mr. Hawks. Are you here for an appointment with Enji or another attempt to get me to go out with you?”

“Heh, didn’t expect the flame-hero’s secretary to be so cold. Haha! Marry me (Y/N)?”

“No thank you.”

This was practically a daily routine for you. You worked at Endeavors agency as a secretary for the new number one hero. You scheduled his appointments, did some paperwork here and there while he was off on patrol, the usual stuff. It’s what your job application consisted of. However, being pestered everyday by the same man was not in the job description. Pro-hero Hawks has been courting you for months now, asking you at least once everyday to go out with him, go on a date, or marry him. There was even a pool within the office with people predicting how many times a day he asked you out. You maintained a very professional relationship with Hawks. Him and Endeavor worked very close together, so you needed to be as composed as you could be around the two top heroes.

“Are you pestering my secretary again, Hawks?” You turned to see the one and only Endeavor standing there with his arms crossed and an annoyed look on his face. The flames around his face flickered in irritation seeing the winged-hero leant up against your little desk with his wings spread and a cocky smirk over his lips. “Ah, Endeavor, nice to see you too.” He grinned and folded his crimson wings against his back. You smiled and stood up, respectfully bowing to your boss. Endeavor smiles to you and nodded, letting you sit back down at your desk to get back to work. Hawks closely watched the exchange and narrowed his eyes a bit with a pout, his bushy brows furrowing. “You just want to keep her all to yourself don’t you Endeavor?” Hawks face turned serious all of a sudden, and many other employees came and began to listen.

You looked up having a bad feeling about this. “You get to stare at her beautiful face all day, and her sexy ass, and hear her angelic voice, I’ll report you for being a pervert and hitting on your secretary.” His face lit up happily. The glow of orange that reflected from Endeavor’s flames became brighter hearing Hawks say such dirty things about his secretary. “Then... once you’re reported, I can steal her away to work at my agency! I can imagine it now!” He said and raised his hands up, slowly sliding them apart in amazement. You sweat dropped and watched the dork of a man in front of you. “She’ll be dressed in a cute maids outfit... and in her hands-“ His mouth began to drool. You obviously knew where this was going. “She would be serving me some delicious chicken nuggets. And then we’d go home and snuggle in our nest!” He hugged himself happily with a small blush on his cheeks.

“GET. OUT!!” Endeavor raged a bit, his flames spiraling above his head and covering his face in a red and orange glow. You smiled at the exchange between the two and finally got yourself back to work, hoping to not be interrupted again. “Oh! (Y/N) wait!” Hawks slipped away from Endeavors grasp and smiled at you while leaning up against the desk with his wings coming to spread again. You were familiar with birds and how the males spread their wings to show dominance and to possibly attract female birds. You weren’t at all surprised. A small crimson feather flew from a place in his wings, and he nestled the tiny feather behind your ear making it match your red and black suited outfit you wore to match the company. “(Y/N).” He began. You blinked. “Yes, Mr. Hawks?”

“...marry me, please?”

“HAWKS!!”

——

“Mornin’ sweet cheeks!” Hawks greeted with a sly smile. You’re looked up and nodded towards him, typing away at the computer and looking at Endeavors appointments for the day. You failed to notice the number two hero pouting and taking notice of the feather he gave you yesterday nestled in the breast pocket of your professional suit. He smiled cheekily and leaned up against your desk, propping his head on his hand. “You won’t find me in that computer, babe. I’m all right here for you to poke and touch all you want~” He flirted suggestively and spread his wings out wide. You glanced at his beautiful wings and silently admired them before looking into his golden eyes behind a small shade of yellow. They really were beautiful. “You do have an appointment today, Mr. Hawks. I’ve let Enji know you’re ready.” Hawks pouted again.

“Why do you always call him by his name? Seems very unprofessional to me, and you know how much I hate formalities my lil nugget!” He gave you a wide close eyed smile, passively showing off his jealousy for you calling Endeavor by his name. You thought for a moment, and finally came to the conclusion it wouldn’t be too bad to tell Hawks about you and Endeavor. “We went to U.A. together. I helped him start his agency. I wasn’t a popular hero so I came and worked as his receptionist. We have a great sense of trust and friendship. So I call him by his name because of our familiarity with each other.” Hawks eyes sparkled and he grabbed onto the edges on the desk, his crimson wings flapping happily. You cocked your head a bit confused as to why he looked so happy. “You were a hero? That mean you still have your license?”

You nodded. He laughed and stared at you dreamily. You were really his kinda woman. “Mmm, well now I know what to talk about with Endeavor. I really just scheduled this appointment so I could have more time to stare at you!” You sighed and shook your head. He really was a strange hero indeed. You stood up and gathered some papers before turning on your heel and making your way towards the elevators. “I’ll walk ya up there, chickadee!” You sweat dropped at all his goofy nicknames for you, all having to do with birds. Dove, chicken nugget, chickadee, etc. It was honestly very cute. “I have to give these to Enji before his meeting with you. They’re very important.”

“Let me help ya.” He deployed a few of his feathers and plucked those papers right out of your hands and they whisked away up to the number one hero’s office. You watched those important files slip from your grasp so easily and leave up to the top floor. A frown graced your lips. “Mr. Hawks, please. As much as you-“ You stopped right in your tracks when you noticed a blush creeping to his face accompanied by a small smirk. Something you failed to notice was a small tickle on your belly. You looked down and flushed red seeing one of Hawks crimson feathers holding your skirt up a bit to see what color panties you had on. Good day to wear your favorite pair. “‘Keep dreaming’? Oh baby I will.”

“HAWKS!!!” The sound of your out of character voice caught him off guard as you jerked your skirt back down. He only saw the hem where the words were, but it was still embarrassing. He’d never heard your voice like that besides the professional tone you always held. Everyone turned their heads towards you at your sudden outburst, and your face was bright red. Your hands immediately went to our face and you quickly walked away, hoping to catch the elevator and get away from Hawks. “Wow... I need ta remember how amazing your voice is! I’ll think about it now when I go to bed!” He grinned and followed right behind you like a lost puppy. You turned and glared at him, displaying your anger. This only made him up his game. “Ya know... I made reservations for two at Yoritomi. I need a special date! I rented out the whole restaurant just to spend time with this one woman... if only she’ll say yes...?”

This was peer pressure.

You gave a heavy sigh. “Take one of your fan-girls. They’d love to go with you. They’ll always say yes.” You kept your head low entering the elevator with the winged hero following behind you. He tapped and rubbed his chin in thought, but it was obviously a facade since you knew he was going to say something about wanting you to come with him. “That is true... but I like when girls are hard to catch~ I usually go to easy women for sex.” You didn’t know whether to feel offended, jealous, or flattered. On one hand he admitted he liked you, on the other, he also admitted he had indulged a few female fans and women who wanted him. You were sick of his perverted comments, so you fired one back before stepping out of the elevator at the last second. “Well, I like my men tall and strong. It also wouldn’t hurt if he were a famous hero... preferably the number one~”

You winked and turned on your heel, leaving the hero stunned. You were joking obviously, and you were sure he knew that, but it would still leave a sting of jealousy in him. The hero huffed with a pout and aggressively began to press the open button on the door, but to no avail. He hated that you were teasing him, but at least you were teasing him. Before you had nothing to do with him, just blandly saying no and continuing to work. Now, you were teasing him and taunting him. “You’ll be mine my little bird, someday just you wait!” He gave a confident grin and put his hands behind his back while he rode the elevator up. A familiar ding echoed in his ears and he stepped out only to be met with a thick chest covered by navy and small flames. “Ah! Endeavor!”

“I hope you aren’t here to waste my time again, Hawks. I have better things to do than listen to your mindless talking.” The blonde hero laughed and shoved his hands into his pockets, kicking his feet out and walking stiff-legged. Endeavor groaned in annoyance at his carefree childish attitude and sent him a glare. The lower ranked hero held his hands up in defeat and sighed blissfully. “Nope, I’m here to make a negotiation.” The flame hero cocked an eyebrow at the younger man and crossed his arms over his toned and heavily muscular chest. He was not too keen on listening to Hawks’s careless banter. “I promise I’ll leave ya alone! Just negotiate with me, and I’ll make sure it’s worth your time!” Endeavor sighed and opened his office door for the winged hero.

“It better not be what I think it is.”

—

“Isn’t this great? Our first patrol together. This’ll definitely be one for the books don’t cha think, (Y/N)?”

“Yes Mr. Hawks...”

“Nah Ah! Just Hawks sweetheart. No need for formalities. In honesty I just hate them!” He gave a carefree smile and strolled along the streets with his favorite little secretary. He only heard a sigh in return. You were dressed in your old hero costume that squeezed all your curves in the right way. He smirked and whistled lowly. “Ya know, I can feel all the people staring at you, and it’s honestly making me realllyyy jealous.” His wings slowly spread in a possessive manner, shielding your curvy body from the watchful eyes of perverted men. You looked over at him questionably. You could feel the warmth radiating off his wings, and the soft feathers that barely grazed your smooth skin. It sent shivers down your spine. “Well I’m sure I can say the same about all your fan girls. They stare at you and fantasize right there with no shame.”

...wait...

Your eyes widened as soon as you heard his silence. Terrified eyes slowly cast over towards him, regretting your words instantly seeing his cocky smirk. “Ahh~ so girls staring at me makes you jealous? Well how bout we make everyone jealous.” He retreated his wings and replaced his large wing with his arm, tightly coming around your waist. If your cheeks weren’t red before they are now upon his sudden bold move. You had no idea what to do. “Be honest with me, okay? How long have you really had feelings for me, (Y/N)?” You had to compose yourself immediately. You were a professional woman. Needed to be professional with Hawks and not engage in anything romantic or sexual. “Please Mr. Hawks. The only reason I’m out here with you is because Enji-“

“Hawks. Just. Hawks.” Your mouth closed shut after that. His tone was all you needed to know how upset and irritated he was. In all honestly, you did have feelings for him, but you wanted to keep a professional relationship to keep him and yourself from being hurt, again. “I’m sorry, Hawks, but... I have my reasons to be professional. I have my reasons not to date you. Please drop it.” The winged-hero wasn’t expecting such an annoyed answer from you. Usually you would groan and just roll your eyes at his childish demand to drop formalities. You walked ahead of him on your patrol. “I used to date a pro hero. Before he cheated on me, and humiliated me and my career. That’s when I quit the hero business, and returned to help my best friend climb the ranks. As he deserves. For all of his hard work. Now please. Drop romance, Mr. Hawks.”

This stunned him into silence. Someone had cheated on you? Pro hero? Humiliated you? He was now desperate to know more. “Hey woah! You can’t just drop somethin’ like that on me. You gotta explain a bit more, I may know-“ You rudely cut him off by grabbing his collar and yanking him close to you. The look in your eyes killed him to the core. You were still beautiful, even heartbroken and angry. “You don’t know how I feel Hawks. Knowing you, you’ve probably cheated on multiple women. Look at you. You’re charming, handsome, charismatic, friendly, everyone adores you! But they don’t know the real you do they? They don’t know that you’re selfish! Greedy! And just a plain scumbag!”

“You’re a really bad liar ya know?” He stared at you blankly when you grabbed his collar. He seemed unfazed by you holding his fluffy collar. His eyes and ears had quickly picked up on people staring and muttering going around everywhere. He grabbed her waist quickly and flew to the air, holding her close to him, landing on a roof not too far away. You were screaming and begging him to put you down until you opened your fearful eyes and saw the city. You were captivated by the view, no longer worrying about Hawks or your past lover. Just the scenery. Soon, Hawks landed on a billboard post, staring out at the city. “...This is one of my favorite places to come to be alone.”

You looked over at him as he stood at the very edge and stared down at all of the people. All safe and sound. “Never dated anybody. Too busy with hero work to even consider having a girlfriend. But all that changed when I met you, (Y/N).” You flinched hearing his confession, his voice laced with all seriousness, void of any of his playful sarcastic tone. His genuine words of love. “Whatever hero dumbed you... and humiliated you was an idiot. You’re perfect. You always have been. And always will be to me. I try to impress you all the time. My wings-“ He spread his majestic crimson wings, showing off his presence loud and clear. Sharp and dangerous, his wings held such power, and so did Hawks. “-I always outstretch them for you to get you to notice me. I try to court you. It’s how I am. As a bird-man, I’ve adopted some of the traits. That includes... finding a mate.”

“M-Mate...? You mean... you want to make me your mate?” Hawks turned and gave you a firm nod with a reassuring smile. Your heartbeat began to pick up as you stared at the man in front of you. This hero, so genuine and pure, it was almost impossible to think he was even human. He must be an angel in disguise. “Hawks mate for life, chickadee. I want you beside me. Be my partner, stay with me so I can protect you. I promise to make you happy. I promise to keep you safe. I promise to always love you.” Your face glistened a million shades of red hearing his words. The sun was setting at this point. He looked so beautiful. The orange glow gently hitting his face and only illuminating his golden avian eyes, making his wings appear larger and more magical. “I... I don’t know Hawks... I’m still...unsure and scared... and Enji-“

“Call me Keigo, (Y/N). It’s... my real name.” Your eyes widened hearing Hawks’s real name. You were surprised he even revealed it to you. That was how much Hawks trusted you. You sighed and smiled. “Well... let’s make a negotiation. We can go on a couple dates... and If they go well, I’ll agree to be your mate, forever... Keigo. Just please don’t... break my heart.” Hawks wings folded back against his back and he smiled genuinely, not some smug smile or that stupid charming smile he’d show his fans, a smile full of love, only for you. He grabbed your hand shamelessly and pulled you to dangle your feet off the high building post. “Never, dove.” He did the same, still holding your hand.

“Marry me, (Y/N). Be the sauce to my chicken nuggets.”

“...Maybe. You stupid bird brain.”

[procrastinatorimagines]

Here For You Part 6

Fandom: Chicago PD / One Chicago

Series: Here For You

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 (Final)

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 1,534

Summary: Y/N’s world spun out of control after she got pregnant, uprooting her life and moving to Chicago only for her brother to get involved in a murder trial. Now, her baby is finally here, and with Jay by her side her life feels like it’s finally coming together again, until someone from her past comes back into the picture and threatens to tear down everything she’s tried so hard to build.

The trial process was nervewracking, multiple interviews, assessing characters, income, stability... You were glad you had Jay to lean on when it got overwhelming, but you knew you were the best thing for Lucas, and you held onto that throughout the ordeal. 

Between juggling raising your son and fighting to keep him, you made yourself think about your own future, not just in terms of Jay, but in terms of a career too. So when Lucas was big enough, you were going to start training to be a nurse. It was a time of near constant fear, but also hope; you could see your life beyond this, all you had to go was get past this colosal hurdle. 

Tommy on the other hand, as you learned in court, didn’t have a job or apartment, and had bailed on two separate court-ordered rehabs, leading to hefty fines he couldn’t afford to pay. Needless to say, the trail was going in your favour.

Eventually, the judge ruled that you were to receive full custody, but adviced you let Tommy have visitation at your own discretion, and at a time when he was in a fitter state and child support was being paid regularly and in full, the issue of custody could be revisited. Tommy wasn’t happy, but it was everything you could have asked for. 

You left the courtroom with your head held high that day, Henry passing you back Lucas as he and Jay led you out towards the elevators. Tommy chose that moment to approach, your smile wiped from your face in an instant. 

“Y/N,” he said with force, making you stop in your tracks and turn to face him. He was angry, and while you couldn’t exactly blame him... wait, yes you could. Tommy was the one who wanted to take this to court, actually having the audacity to put you and Lucas through all that thinking he had a chance. 

Jay put a protective hand on your back, positioning himself so that he was slightly shielding you and your son. “You brought this on yourself,” you told him, watching his eyes flare with rage as you continued, “if you’d have just reached out properly, we might have been able to sort something out without needing it to get this far.” 

It wasn’t a lie, you would have considered it, maybe not when you were lying in a hospital bed with your new born baby obviously, and he never should have expected that, but you could have come to an arangement. 

Tommy rolled his eyes and grumbled something you didn’t care to repeat, Jay tensing beside you. “Who the hell is this guy anyway, seriously?” He asked, gesturing to Jay with indignation, “this guy isn’t Lucas’ dad, I am, and what? He gets to be around my kid whenever he wants while I have to beg you for scraps?” 

Lucas was starting to fuss in your arms as you took a step away from Jay towards Tommy, wanting to show him that you were fighting your own battles. Jay cast you a worried glance but he didn’t stop you. You took a breath, leveling yourself as you felt your blood boil. 

“Yes,” you answered his question, much to his shock and anger, “Jay’s been there for me, for us, this whole time since we met, since you left. He’s a good man, kind and dedicated, and Lucas would be lucky to have Jay for a dad.” 

You heard Jay suck in a small sharp breath, not expecting you to say that; Tommy gasped in surprise, almost looking hurt. Honestly, you were surprised you said that outloud too, but there it was. Henry was smiling in a knowing way, glad his sister was finally standing up for herself.  

“You little...” Tommy hissed, taking a step forward and pointing his finger in an acusatory manner. Instinctively, you took a step back, a protective arm around Lucas as he started to cry. That was all the cue Jay needed to intervene, blocking Tommy’s path.

Security took a step forward, ready to de-escalate the situation if they needed to, but Jay had it under control, sensing the shift in Tommy’s stance and the way he clenched his fist. It was an obvious swing, one that Jay dodged with ease, a slight glint clear in his eyes, gaining all the justification he’d been waiting for as he aimed a well placed punch at Tommy’s nose, knocking him to the ground in one hit. 

Tommy looked daised, steam practically coming out of his eyes as he tried to stand, clearly going for round two before he froze, staring at the badge Jay had just revealed under his shirt. Jay signaled to the guard to pick him up off the floor.

“Congratuations Tommy, you’ve just assaulted a police detective in a court house full of witnesses,” he told him, nodding towards the crowd of people who had stopped what they were doing to witness the commotion. 

Any sympathy you might have had was gone as you looked him square in the eyes. “Goodbye Tommy,” you told him, turning on your heals as you soothed your crying son. You already had an actual baby to take care of, you didn’t need to pile a grown man onto that list. Somewhere down the line, you might consider letting him visit Lucas, but that wasn’t going to be anytime soon. Besides, after this there wouldn’t be a judge around who wouldn’t take your side on that matter.

As the doors shut to the elevator and Tommy was taken into custody, you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding, grateful when you felt Jay’s fingers slip into your own. You glanced down at his bruised knuckles and ran your thumb over them lightly, squeezing his hand in thanks as Lucas began to calm down. 

It had been satisfying to watch, if you were being honest, you knew Henry agreed by the smirk that had become permanently plastered on his face. Jay definitely enjoyed it a little too much, but you didn’t blame him.

You looked around at the people in the elevator. They were your family, Lucas’ family. You didn’t need Tommy, hadn’t for a long time, maybe now he’d realise that.

-

“What’s going to happen to Tommy?” You inquired once you were back in the comfort of your own apartment, Lucas finally calmed down and asleep after the ordeal at court. 

“I don’t know, but after that outburst he won’t be allowed near you or Lucas for a long time,” Jay informed you, temporarily putting on his serious detective voice, “I’ll make some calls tomorrow.” You knew he would, he took yours and Lucas’ safety very seriously, Tommy was probably at the 21st right now nursing his nose.

“I didn’t want this, Lucas deserves stability, a good father...” You sighed with frustration, all the emotion you’d bottled up during the day and the trail threatening to boil over. Jay grabbed your hand and you met his eyes, “I meant what I said in there, about you. I want you in his life.”

“I want to be in his life, I love him...” Jay told you honestly, taking a deep readying breath, as if preparing himself for what he was about to say, “I’m kind of in love with you too.”

“Jay-,” You breathed, shocked by his declaration.

“I know you’ve been through a lot and this is sudden, but I love you Y/N, and I want to be a part of your life, both of your lives,” he continued, taking your other hand too. 

His touch was strong, warm, comforting, everything you wanted for yourself and Lucas. Jay had proven time and time again the kind of man he was, without fail, he’d been kind, patient, supportive... everything Tommy had never been, everything you didn’t think you deserved, but here he was, ready to give it all to you without hesitation. 

So you told him the truth, the truth you hadn’t even realised it until this moment, buried deep down as you’d tried to navigate your new life. “I love you too,” you told him, and it was like something cracked open in your chest, and you could breath again. You’d never said those words to anyone, not romantically, but you knew it your heart that you did.

“Yeah?” He asked hopefully, not quite believing that you’d said it back so quickly, or with so much confidence. You took him in as you thought of what to say, every detail.

“Yeah I really do, I guess I’ve been trying to fight it, thinking that it might be selfish to think about a relationship right now, but the truth is you are what’s best for him, and me,” you tried your best to explain, “I love you, and although I don’t know what’s going to happen with Tommy, I know Lucas could never ask for a better father than you.”

“You mean that?” 

"With my whole heart.” 

And then you kissed, and it felt like a promise, a promise of ‘i love you’, a promise of a future, a promise to always been there for each other, whatever came next.